#thats all i could do this year :( but at least my heart is in peace now that i did something

[jinjinranran]

🎂🎂🥳🥳🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊💕💖💗💓

#thats all i could do this year :( but at least my heart is in peace now that i did something #mystic messenger #mysme #fanart #saeran choi #saeran #saeyoung choi #707 #my art

[l0mljeonjungkook]

Reward (JJK X Reader)

Summary - Loving Jungkook secretly is what you have been doing for years. Your best friend never left your side, and neither did you. You received the e-mail, you two were waiting for. Granted, you don't wanna leave his side, not now, not ever. So, concluding to give this heart-clenching news to Jungkook, you're here standing right outside his glass window, however, what's in front of your eyes isn't what you expected from him, not today at least.

Guess what worst could happen? When he finds you, drooling behind the glass window? Wrong timings, poor you. You were here to surprise him, except the reward he offers you isn't in the way you desired it to be, however, you can't deny it.

Warnings - explicit sexual content, dom!jk, hair pulling, choking, fingering, spanking, breast play, dirty talk, rough sex, without protection, aftercare, praise, clit spank (a lot of spanking actually) (I'm sorry)

Genre - best friends to lovers

Pairing - Jungkook / reader

Rating - 18+ ( MINORS DNI 🔞)

Word count - 10k+

Masterlist || Wattpad || ao3

You're so heartwarmingly cheery to fill his not only ears with the news but lips with a bright beam that only lightens your day and soul, but the same news shrinks your heart at the same time, why??

Going to University, sure that's what you dreamt of for so long before your heart agreed that the affection you feel for your best friend is not just some care or friendship but - love, but forthwith your dream which you fed with your love, your sweat, your tears, your hard work, and your time is in your hand right now, on your mail.

You certainly want to share it with him, but you aren't sure about it, whether you should or not, surely he'll be the happiest and maybe more than you, and thats what shakes your soul, questioning you.

Are you really prepared for going to the new place where you won't even get a sight of him the way you get right now?

Every day?

The answer is a million times - No!

Are you ready for that? Certainly not!

Will you survive? Not even a heartbeat!

In your heart, you two are together in there living happily ever after with your best friend, who's living next to your apartment, except that there's a wall between your apartments. A bridge of stones between two souls, a dam between two hearts overflowing with love for one another, two friends who are wildly in love with each other yet oblivious.

You two are like one body and two souls, never alone. People know if they saw one of you at parties there's no shadow of a doubt that the second ain't there. Jealous filthy whores, burn on smolder of their burning hearts with envy, on seeing you with the sexiest yet kindest guy at your university, and you ain't less than a fucking bitch, clinging to Jungkook's arms around them made your blood tainted with serene reach to all the ends of your body.

You two, unhesitatingly and tirelessly stood by each other - through every thick and thin, shared every emotion, every little secret which was meant to be buried was ever buried between you two, defending each other not merely in front of douchebags but also, in front of your teachers, and parents too if all else fails.

This is what you treasured since kindergarten, you two had an unbreakable bond. Then why won't anyone be jealous of you two?

But this guy had an issue with you whenever you were in a relationship with someone, Jungkook never let you breathe in peace.

"You've changed",

"you're my best friend first then his girlfriend",

"I have all rights reserved on you, you were, are, and forever will be mine",

But your favorite to date - those words that still pool the heartwarming rush of warmth between your legs "leave him, we both are enough for one another" and whatnot.

Save for the fact, this guy won't let you stay here after knowing what this really means to you, but he doesn't know this about your mind, you left that dream, the day your drunk neighbor - your best friend confessed what your heart's been alarming you.

That - "I love you, since the day you came in my life y/n when we were friends, then you followed me", he took a sip of wine from his cup, " all the way from Busan to Seattle," he chuckles, "with-- your bags in one hand and the keys in another to the apartment next to mine, since then my-- my life--".

This is what he whisperingly confessed in your ear and all the drunkenness you wooed from boozing six cups of wine all that headed to the hills at those three words. Hereafter, your soul screams at those unsatisfactorily unfinished words and now you curse your bestie Yoongi every fucking night for bringing another cup of alcohol that led him to eat those words back again. You don't get it why is Jungkook has been treasuring those words? My life - what my life, you want to know what all he has in his heart. Those three words, I love you - seeped into your soul, have been living there with your love for him, since then.

But the heart-shattering truth - that asshole doesn't remember at all.

That sometimes soothes you but 99.999% time heats your soul, your skin, and your body to the nuclear level.

Jungkook, still waiting for the news of you being accepted to the University with receiving a full-tuition scholarship, was only making him quiz you every fucking day. This was not solely yours but now his dream too as if he wants you out of his sight or mayhaps... mayhaps is waiting for what you have been waiting and it's better to put an end to those questions.

And the reason why you decide to jump from your balcony to his is that's what you two always do. At any time of the day, whether day or night, though you don't intend to interfere in either's privacy you two haven't learned anything than being the irksome element in either's life. Not banging the doors to meet the other, you two jump from your balcony to the other and bang the windows of either room.

Whenever you peep inside through the window, you either find him eating or playing fucktons of games on his mobile. Presently, you were going to hammer the window to make him know who's here, but, today, it's different, you retreive your hand back as your mouth forms an O, and by different, this is not what you expected him to do.

A fever of epiphany laced with ardor cruised through your skin vibrating all your senses to the core as your eyes couldn't believe what they are beholding, they yearned to see for so long.

Jungkook lying on the bed, his eye shut, his breaths rushing at high speed, his teeth grinding, as you absorb the dark shadow of his jaw and the defined curves of his cheeks. Groans vibrate in his chest as moans claws out of his lips, the way you want to consume them inside you.

His bare chest makes you drool every time you eye him to no length, heaving breathlessly, and his hand... His hand is what your eyes are hungrily fixed at.

His - hand - on - his - groin, actively on a job you dream to do for him every day but beyond that, it's for you. "Oh, boy let me do that for you", you murmur under your hitched breath, choking on your spit.

And seeing him like that, only so much makes you imagine yourself getting wall-banged by your best friend. That look on his face is making you touch yourself as the heat between your legs is pooling your heartbeats that are floating, there's always a but and it is at present too, you're probably standing outside of his bedroom you have two choices either bang his door and ride it.

Or,

Turn around, and follow the path that leads you here, make your way to your room and do what you have been doing for years since you learned about your feelings for him.

Yes . Go . Back . And . Toss . Yourself . Off. Is what going on in your head!!!

Your hand ached to be where his hand was, touch it, put it in your mouth and suck it --- "JESUS, enough", you hiss, was that loud? Retrieving your hand which was between your thighs a second ago "I need to learn, whatever this is, it's from my side, probably he doesn't see me more than his friend."

You're not around him, but you can feel his proximity like an electric hum. Just seeing him masturbating, flares a firestorm inside you heating your reproductive organs, making them hungry for him touch, for his mouth.

Oh, that mouth, you saw gasping minutes ago, the same mouth that laughs with you, kisses you sometimes but makes you want to kiss them every time you're with him, his head dropped back and those unholy lips roar your name like no other person ever could, laced with honey syrup, but not right now, presently, not lacing your name with honey but the darkness in his voice, hearing your name from those lips sends a shiver through you. The potency of your name on his lips, his heavy breaths, and his moans rile you up, sending waves of heat down to your core. You feel the dampness between your legs.

Jungkook jacking off his meat, eyes shut, and his lips summoning your name in a countless filthily unholy way. . . decimating the pictures of his innocence from your mind and voices of him calling you awfully sweetly.

But what you just saw cools down the fire to zero and can't be misunderstood because that was the last thing you wanted to happen amongst every other stuff.

"Oh, fuck, did he just see me", taking a step back, you murmur, because face this, your JESUS, enough actually slipped through this glass window across the room to his ears. You wonder why didn't he react, waiting for an honest answer to that question, looking back at him you find him zipping up with one hand, and picking up his phone with another.

Your phone rings in your hand, and you glance at it, dread seeping through your wide alarmed eyes. You look at him, then your eyes fall back on your ringing phone and back at him again.

He's eyeing you, does this call means he knows I saw him jerking off? Holy shit. That heart-stopping grin on his face, tells you nothing more than a yes in return for what you asked.

You meet your eyes on the glass, reflecting the enormous expression of shock in them. The only glass creating a distance between you two, the only thing that kept him from your filthy drooling mouth minutes ago or might change those words to - the only glass that let you watch him like that.

You blink your eyes twice looking directly into his seductively dark eyes through a glass window, that unfamiliar darkness in those brown eyes, his furrowed brows, is alien to you, as you're friendly enough with his puppy eyes. The ringing phone in your hand channels you back. He's still watching your every moment biting his pierced lips, and motioning you over with his fore and middle fingers. God, I want them deep inside me. Shut the fuck up.

You open the door and force your shivering feet into his room, "hey", strengthening your usual way of meeting him like you both usually do, with a bang on his door, letting him know about the storm you are, is at his place to suck away his peace for the rest of the day. But you hate the quiver in your voice.

Today you're every other synonym of dumb, every other name for vulnerable, and every coy term for being terrified as you notice your shaky voice, yet you kept walking towards him, your damp thighs rubbing together transporting you right behind the glass window and your lustful eyes are to be blamed for what is going to happen next, you do want this but never like this, you didn't wish - for this - like this, never.

His eyes track your path to him watching your exposed thighs as you're wearing nothing but his shirt which you took without his permission, last week to be precise, "Ugh, I -- I--", you wave your hand holding the phone, unintentionally showing off the mail, displayed on your phone's screen, gripping it hard to dear life, this is the only moment to let him know why you were here in the first place, "this uh Jungkookie I got--".

"Call me, Jungkook", his voice is rough, as he stands in front of you, holding your unblinking gaze, but that seductiveness you saw earlier is picking up the pace.

Oh shit, is he angry. You don't want this. Speak up you bitch, spill spill spill, god dammit. Sweat trickles down your spine, and you can feel it running down the lane.

Is this his heat-raising gooseflesh on my skin, or his eyes that are poking holes into my soul, or his deep throaty voice to call him Jungkook? But why, he's your friend, it's up to you whatever you please to, you can.

"Jungkook, I can explain, I'm sorry I didn't mean to--"

He saw your phone and probably understood the reason why you were here in the first place, raising his hand between you both motioning you to place your phone in his hand.

I won't, moreover, I don't have to do this, he's probably going nuts, let him be. I'll do what pleases me.

You rather like this Jungkook, pissing him off is now your favorite thing to do every day. You cross your arms around your chest keeping your phone from his sight, you certainly dropped your brain at his doorstep before entering.

"I won't repeat." His voice is above par right now, "Your phone. Right now. On my hands."

"But you'll have to listen to me first Kook, don't assume fucking shit when you actually dont know the real--"

He motions himself closer to you, just an inch away, he leans his face close to your ears, "I said call me Jungkook, and assume? Really Y/N, you wanna know about my assumptions about what I saw, or let's talk about your sight?"

Closing the distance between you two, he moves closer to you, leans and his breathy words melt away all valor from your body turning it into sweat dripping from your forehead, gliding down to your cheeks. He rubs it away with a demonic grin on his pierced lips, "don't get nervous, and don't make me make you go all wet, from head to all the way down your spine, to your pretty toes, princess", he looks deep into your eyes, then his gaze falls on your lips, he grazes your lower lips with his thumb, "now, give your phone."

Without wasting another second you do what he expects. You hold your breath and avert your eyes, "I got selected Jungkookie I--", your voice shivers and you press your eyes shut, just to open them, "I mean Jungkook--"

"I know, and when did you get this?", lifting his eyes from your phone in his hand to your face, his face glowing in the heat of lust you haven't seen earlier - bedroom eyes, drowning in hunger and sin. This is the look I saw when he was in the throes of orgasms -- jerking off, luscious and wild.

"Can't recall", you try to calm your voice, "probably an hour or a few maybe", noticing a wicked glint liting his eyes makes your blood heat and your cheeks daubed in the pink flush and warmth oozing through his body.

Closing the distance between you two, he slowly ominously directed his footsteps towards you. Setting one foot before the other on the move. You abstractedly backpedal, whilst he didn't break the pace, he pursued you.

Touching the ground of your friendship, chasing you - whenever you get angry or trying to invest more of your time in your stupid exes. Since day one, he never let you stay off.

He possesses the power over you, habitually, the language of his eyes is only known to your eyes, he doesn't need to drop the words out of his luscious lips, your eyes are better at unriddling those unavowed words. The main cause of jealousy growing roots and venomous flowers into the sour heart of all the girls out there who are crushing on your best friend, your love, is seeing - the intimacy between your eyes, between you and Jungkook.

You kept backtracking, and he never ceased to advance, his features stern and somber, a heart-halting grin on his pierced lips and his tendons hiding his dark eyes hindering your sight, to eye those sinful gazes.

You swear to god, you saw an emotion you have never seen in his pristine and flawless features, ardor in his lustful gaze.

Bang, your back hit the door to the cage you break into, you gasp, and your hands obliviously uprise in defense. He seizes them and pins them right atop your head.

In an eyeblink, he spins you away. You wiggle with your back to him and your sweaty palms with the heat between you two are flat on the wooden door, "Jungkookie--", you only manage to utter his name before he shushes you.

You feel his chest vibrating against your back breathing roughly heatedly, his lips meet your right ear as a shiver runs down to the south. He blows out a breath lashing at your neck. When he speaks in his deep husky voice, "I said call me Jungkook. You lost dominance of calling me Jungkookie from", his free hand travels from the south of your body to the north - your lips, by tracing them with his thumb, "these precious little lips", you feel his rich baritone vibrating in his chest sipping out and ingress into yours through the seam tangling your body with his.

"I. . . I'm sorry Jungkook, listen to me on--"

He hushes you again, as he leans his face deep, "it's not the correct time to call me Jungkook, either", he commands in his gruffly sexy voice making you lock your legs to keep them from wobbling, "call me what pleases me."

"I. . . don't know, your girlfriend might be familiar with what pleases you, call her to fill yourself with all your needs, Jungkook."

His free hand swims back to your thighs gathering the hem of his plaid shirt around your thighs in his fist, heaving it up just above the waistband of your black thongs, bunching around your waist. "I know, but what if I'm bored with her, her presence, what if I want," he grabs your ass and pinches it, "this, right now", he rubs his lips against your ears, "what if I want every word from your lips."

His hands travel back between your plump thighs caressing your cotton-like skin, his gentle nuzzles are barely a caress, unleashing the beast you locked in you.

Drawing circles between your now damp thighs. Each seam of contact between your skin is nothing more than a hot melting wax on your skin, with just a mere touch it just not burns but bruises, a bruise you want to savor every second of your day, you want to earn from only him.

An unendurable yet satiating pressure pinching inside you, simmering, tingling, intimidating to burst. As you clench your thighs together, wriggling with urgency,"Kook, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt y--"

"You should have thought this before covering this body with my shirt", he leans, as he whispers, "before watching me jerking off", he presses his body against your back, meaning to remind you of your deeds, "stop calling me that, I warn you for the last time", he grabs your ass, "I'm throwing off two options in front of you", he presses his body hard this time, harder for you to ignore, "either daddy or sir, whichever works for you." Words puff out of his mouth laced with a warmish breath that ruffles your hair brushing against your skin.

Your eyes widen at the mere word daddy because you love to call him daddy when you touch yourself. The word sends waves of heat across your ass.

His fingers curl around your waist, touching your skin like it's sacred for him to touch, hooking into the waistband of your thongs but this time you give him what you craved for so long as you yank your butt tight against his thick erection. Your body instantly reacts to his body even though his starched pants failed to separate you two. Heating, pulsing, thumping desperately waiting to explode. You arch your spine, pressing your hips against his cock.

His left hand on your wrist atop your head snakes down your arms, unhurriedly, rising chill bumps to wherever he touches as he grabs your hips. Your flat palm on the door, warm and sweaty, you tightly close your fist, fingernails biting into your palms. You yank open, as your fingernails burry into the wooden door making a shrieking sound.

His mouth goes back to your ear, tracing it with his tongue, sailing down to your neck, teasing and kissing sensitive skin, rousing you with the rush of his heated breath, "told you millions of times before, this is probably the last, feed this in your head - there's nothing between me and Hana."

Tilting your head for him to earn his kisses on every inch of your neck, "your room smells like her", your eyes shut, as you murmur, unable to conceal the ache in your voice, "Probably she'd be on her way."

"She's getting engaged to Minjun next month, don't bring her name right now," he continues kissing and licking your sensitive skin below your lobe, his groans filling his room.

"Mhm"

"So what did you decide," he whispers and the next thing makes you moan as he bites your lobe.

"Kook... Fuck." You breathe heavily as he presses a kiss on the blade of your shoulder, "did you... Did you just say something?"

"Daddy or sir?" His warm breaths tingle your skin.

"Da-- daddy"

"Good girl", his commanding voice vibrates the air around you two.

"Koo--, Dadd--", you submissively shut your eyes biting your lips, he hums resting his chin on your shoulder, briefing you to continue, "Daddy, I-- I'm nervous", you whisper.

"Oh," he bites onto your shoulder blade, "you should be, princess", he kisses you.

Standing right behind you, body-to-body, his chest to your back, his hard dick pressing against your ass and you wish nothing more but to feel - skin-to-skin for his shirt is the only barrier separating you two. He unbuttons his shirt on your skin, motioning from south to north, from the last button around your waist, then the second last, in an unrushed motion. "Y/N", he whispers into your ear.

And you hum, eyes still shut, you don't want this to fade away it looks like nothing but a dream to you.

"Do you wanna know what am gonna do with you", barely the first three buttons left for him to unbutton.

"Ye-- Yes", you choke on your breath.

He halts his motion of unfastening the buttons, sliding his veiny tattoed hand inside your shirt with a thought to unhook your bra, but your bare breast makes him flinch, very unexpectedly.

"I'm gonna tear your pussy in half," his voice raging with heat, lust, and sin.

You groan, trying to hide it you hold your breaths.

"Breathe, princess. Breathe", he whispers into your ear and you do as he says, you take a deep audible breath that makes him rub his dick against your ass.

The next thing is unexplainable, you didn't expect him to do this... Just minutes ago you felt he was doing nothing but playing with you, his usual touching, kissing you on every exposed part that's in front of him, but this... His huge veiny tattoed hand sank into your thongs, Jesus Christ his cold fingers... Fuck his cold fingers slide over your warm clit pressing into your folds, "yesss", you moan shutting your eyes. Your fingers curl harder, messing up for you to stand on your toes.

Coating his cold fingers with your warm wetness as he pulls out his hand, "fucking wet, because of me jerking off?", moving it beneath your shirt, he grabs your soft nipples, between his fore and mid-finger concealing your bud with the wetness he just daubed his fingers into, "Jungkook, fuckkk."

His other hand grabs your throat, yanking your head back to his shoulder, "say daddy". All the while his mouth continues nipping your skin, biting below your lobe, and licking the bruises to calm the delicately sensitive spot beneath your ear.

"Daddy", an unholy grin on your lips, as if calling him daddy satiates you above par.

He's jarring his unseen dark side to your senses, briefing you with all the dark concealed secrets of him, stored in a box and locked, kept deep inside his soul.

"Do you wanna know why?"

"Yes",

He presses his hard groin against your ass, "say, yes daddy," he hisses.

"Ye-- Yes, Daddy", you mirror his words submissively, very unlawful of you.

"You did a great job princess, got selected, and made me proud, so you need to be rewarded and your desires to be satiated. So this is your reward, princess. A reward, I was hungrily waiting to leave on your body, mark on your skin, bury inside your soul and bruise your skin for you to relive every time you feel them on your skin."

"But Jungkook, I don't want to leave this place, leave you here", you are awfully sad about the fact that you won't get a sight of him, after leaving this place, but right now the unworldly lust, thirst, and hunger for him has taken you over from all the other-worldly reasons of you not being with him, only making you focus what you're getting right at this moment.

He hushes you, "be with me right here, right now, I'm not leaving you anytime soon, Princess." He kisses your shoulder, his words akin to your heart, and this time you not only feel the care in his words but a promise, an unbreakable promise.

He flattens your spine against him, his hand leaving your swollen nipple and sinking his hand under your thong slowly teasing you, working his veiny hands and expert fingers on your pretty little swollen pussy, you soak up your damn thongs, as he plays with your slit and teases your opening.

"soaking up your panties, princess", he groans against your hair.

The palm on your throat now feels warm on your skin, keeping your head tucked against his shoulder.

Playing with your dousing clit, you squirm abstractedly as you're bumbling to stand on your toes, his body and the door are the foremost help for your body. Noticing your struggle, he makes it arduous for you to lean onto him as he pushes two stiff yet cold fingers inside you.

Jesus, Your heart halts, vision blurs, knees gave out, and your lungs - cave in.

You have never felt more alive. You wonder if this is a really real heaven.

He's invading you, assaulting you, crashing into you with his heat, stroking you with his touch, his digits sinking through flesh and his thirst consuming your whole being.

The next what he does makes your senses active as he shoves your thongs to your thighs as soon as the cool air around you two hits your warm pussy drenched with all the wetness, he fingers you making you whimper, flooding his pink neon-lit room with your moans and heavy breaths. You ache to look into his beautiful eyes, and you see nothing but the wooden door in front of your lewd eyes, "Jungkook, please", you moan for release this time.

But your please halts his every motion, his breath as you feel his heavy chest paused at your mere please as if waiting to release it, and you know, you know if weakness had another name it would be, please for him at least. Not just right now, but whenever you want something from this guy you just need to utter please as whisperingly as you can.

Then he uncovers your barely covered body heeding to your please, shivers, quivers, shakes, trembles, flutters, you felt everything every fucking thing you ever read in books that made you feel all of the same, right now, Jungkook your best friend gave you every shiver, every quiver, every shock, every flutter by just uncovering your body, a yes sounded more like a moan, escapes through your lips giving him all the thumbs up he wanted right now from you.

He sank his hand back between your legs, teasing you, provoking you for you don't know what. Collecting every drop around his fingers as if he isn't in the mood to waste a dripping drop.

Quivering and naked, in front of your best friend - Jungkook!!! You always had your kind side, helpful heart, and been a friend you never have been to someone else - for him, you never reckoned this, but to be honest, you sure yearned for his touch however, this will come so soon to you is in itself a huge shock.

Throbbing heart or pussy or call it your heart is in your pussy right now, thumping dangerously. You grip the doorknob, staring out of the glass window, allowing the street light to pass through it as the light fills up and mixes with pink neon in his room beside the door. The room in neon sounds wild and looks romantic.

"Fuck, Is this real?" You moan, rocking your hips, riding the thurst of his now warm fingers inside you.

"Looks like a dream to me," he presses his body to let you know everything between you two is for real, "don't wanna wake up from this beautiful dream", he whispers into your ear, "do you?"

"Never, but the most beautiful thing is, this isn't a dream kook," you press hard on the doorknob mirroring his motions inside your pussy. His breaths are heady and savory and spicy to your skin as they burn your skin wherever they touch.

He surrounds you. Arms, hands, lips, and his masculine need, his every touch channels your every sense warning you about him everywhere all at once. Your body reacting to him as though you're made for his touch, for him, for Jungkook, your childhood best friend.

Everything he is doing, every kiss, every caress, is a long exhausting ride in the game of torturing, teasing, and seduction. Meanwhilst, you're craving for him to throw you onto his bed that smells of her, you between his fluffy bed and his warm body, and fuck you in every fucking position right away.

You try to hurry him along, but he ain't allowing it. He pins your hands when you touch his hard dick. Instantly smacking your ass as you ground against him. You want to kiss his lips which are right beside your ears, but he isn't going to give them to you, yet. Man won't let you turn around.

Making you filthy little whore for him, desperate to surrender to his will. So standing still, with holding onto the doorknob with dear life, your feet spread apart, and spine arching back at his pull, licking you, kissing you and torturing every inch square of your naked body.

Dropping your head back on his chest, the support of his arms around your body. He cups and knead your breasts and your breath turns heavier with his every kneading, you always wanted him to touch you perhaps this is awfully better than your visions. He pinches your nipples, outlines your breastbone, and strokes the curve of your neck, "they fit perfectly in mine", his hands fuck yes they are! He says seductively into your skin as you feel his words sinking into your skin.

His steely jaw bruises your temples, while he's resting his fingers on your throat and outlining your lips with his thumb. Your head lay back on him, neck stretching back and exposing the valley between your delicate breast as your mouth opens adjusting heavy breaths.

Whatever he is doing, you're basking at this moment, and whatever he wants to do to you you're happily inviting him. He's gliding his feather-light fingers across your cheeks, into your hairline, and around your throat, and back into your hairline he pauses "tell me how much you want this".

"As much as you,"

He yanks you back with his tight grip on your head, "what did you just say?"

"As much as you," you grin knowing what he wants to listen to however, pisssing him off is your game right now.

"You want daddy to play this game hard on you, no?"

"Da-- daddy", you choke on your spit this time, "as much as you want, Daddy", tears escaping from the corner of your eyes.

"Love these tears on your pretty face," he kisses the corner of your eyes, drinking away your tears.

The collar of his hand around your neck, bruising your skin, the only mark of him declaring that you're his. They ain't hurt you but soothe your skin, sliding over your mouth and cheeks again, and suddenly he yanks you back, as you're now backpedaling, he throws you onto his bed, holy shit as his look at his face expression dark with passion.

Climbing onto the bed, his eyes never leave yours. His tongue pokes inside his cheeks. Thirst dripping through his dark brown eyes and you wonder were they really this dark earlier. The bed dips with his weight on it.

Does sensuality, lewdness, lust, and love shifts the color, or is it just you mayhaps you never looked deeper into his eyes earlier, however, you doubt yourself because even in dreams you know every curve, every outline of not only his eyes but his face and now his body and his every other part.

He straddles your thighs. His erection, oh good lord, his erection right between your thighs, you feel like it's poking a hole through his gray sweatpants, that are soaked up with his precum.

You grin, mouth dries up as if that's what you want to quench your thirst.

He mirrors your eyes, as he looks at his soaked pant, leaning closer to your face he grabs your jaw, "what's so funny about it?"

You're still grinning, "you're all soaked up... I'm thinking about your punishment", you arch an eyebrow, "What could it be? What about girlfriend finds out her boyfriend filling his best frie--"

His grip tightens on your jaw, cocking head, leans to your face, and bites your bottom lip, "shut your fucking mouth, don't make me force my cock into your filthy mouth, is that understood?"

You nod.

He doesn't free his leaking cock nor look at it, his eyes voyage from your exposed wet swollen pussy to your eyes then travels back to your bullet-like nipples and back to your lips. He's currently eye fucking you, and you doubt if he is the same Jungkook who was horny like minutes ago. A shiver runs across your exposed body as the air around you suddenly feels icier than before, and his gaze is desirably hot.

His lips separate with the force of his heavy breaths, eyes drifting over you like a vast ocean, heavy and deep, sinking you in lewdness.

"You can't imagine, how many times I've imagined this past few years, you on my bed naked and beautiful, every time I saw you in that yellow dress of yours, I only controlled myself from not ripping it off and grabbing these precious breasts right away," your hands clench hard by just envisioning what he disclosed on the sheets below your body, he leans forward his hand travels from your waist to your breast pinching your nipples a little hard this time, "I wondered what they would feel like, taste like, how would they look with all the hickeys I wanna give, how pretty they'll look all red and bruised up, or how will they look between my teeth", he leans down taking your right nipple between his lips sucking it for few seconds before biting it to the point, to leave a mark, his mark on your nipple.

"Daddyy", your eyes tear up, arousal between your legs torturing you.

He looks right into your eyes, grinning "I love those tears, on your face, for me, get used to it Princess", his chin just above your breast, he continues, "I was envious of your exes, they touched you when I should have", he places a feather-light kiss on your nipple, unknowingly you moan as your thighs clench beneath him he notices but doesn't flinch a bit. "You're mine, princess."

"I've imagined you, too daddy." You finally blurt out, expecting a reaction from him but he gave none. Lifting your hand to reach for his hard length straining his gray pants.

He catches your wrist and lunges forward, his breath hits your skin, his chest hovering on yours and his voice hoarse, "if you touch me, it's all over. I'm barely hanging on." You chuckle, looking at him switching from daddy to your kook within a heartbeat.

His shaky breaths, but cold hand, traces the outer edge of your breast. His other hand traps in your hair as he leans, his eyes on your lips and yours on his, then he tastes your lips.

Gliding his tongue inside your mouth, voyaging every corner of your mouth and you let him, mirroring the motions of his filthy tongue, but you get nothing, but the flavor of his tongue is familiar, you recall while kissing him as he hunts down your tongue catching it and tangling it with his. You follow him, hands on his head, moaning into his mouth licking your taste from his.

The bed frame creeks as he kisses you deeper this time, pulling you closer, seeking you with his fingers, tongue, teeth, and breaths like you are nothing more than his oxygen, silently demanding you take everything he's giving you like you two have been waiting.

"Dang, you actually know how to kiss", you say breathlessly between your kiss, as he pulls back, "now I'm envious of your exes, who tasted you as I should have already."

He chuckles, and just the sound of his chuckle vibrates your body, lighting your body with the rush of love hidden behind your heart all these years.

He leans back grabs your tits and places another kiss, a soft kiss on your lips.

"You taste like strawberries, daddy" your words invite an evil-like grin on his lips.

"Now I taste like you", his words swarm your stomach with thousands of bees.

He places kisses right below your ear, taking a lungful of your cologne, then on your neck deeply breathing in your scent on your skin, your moans fill up his room, and your hands gently roam on his back to his shoulder, achingly wanting to feel his bare back and the other on his head pressing him into your skin. And suddenly, his kisses turn into licking and then biting on your soft skin, unconsciously you dig your nails into his covered shoulder, and your other hand pulls his hair, "daddy, fuckkk, Jungkook", you whine, at the awfully rousing pain, he just gave you. Your arousal drips out of your cunt, warm.

"I need you, Daddy." Tears flood your eyes, as the words tumble out of your quivering lips breathy and unbidden.

"you have me, princess" he softly says into your skin as you feel his warm breath hitting your neck.

He lowers his head and bites your nipple, you yelp, devoured with pain, shaking against unseeable manacles and heading nowhere.

He chuckles and bites again, pulling on the bud with his unholy teeth until it stretches out of shape.

When he moves to the next one, you hold your breath and shake your head clueing him up to not repeat his demonic act. A grin conceals his kindness, as his lips graze your nipple, torturing and his eyes find your eyes with so much need floating in his dark brown eyes.

"Breathe, princess."

The minute you do as he says, he sinks his teeth. You shriek in ache and agony as you buck your hips. You feel his teeth tearing into your sensitive skin, sucking on it harder and boiling your already heated body to the nuclear level.

"Daddy, sto--, stopp Jungkookie. Fuck", your voice shrieker and breathes heavier than before.

Rolling his tongue, he licks the ungodly, unearthly, unholy burn, his voice rasps, "you really want me to stop, Princess."

You shake your head, because you know this, you wanted this for so long and can't deny the fact only from him.

Tears flood your eyes, body achingly shivers. He leans closer to your face and bares his teeth, "say it, and I'll stop."

You suck on your bottom lip and look down on his covered chest, wishing nothing but to tug his t-shirt out of his body.

God forbid, it feels like he sliced your nipples off, but they're right whole on their position, huge, motherfucking hard and rose red. With no drop of blood, he knows what he's doing.

"Where's my little bratty princess from just minutes ago?"

"You bit my poor boobs!" you whine still in incurable pain.

"You just increased your punishment," his thumb rubs on your cheeks softly, "so, take that upon yourself, if I decide on going hard on you, is that understood?"

Jungkook slides off your thighs, to lie beside you, facing you, and kisses you passionately. The heat between your thighs, makes you squirm and the pain in your bruised nipples transports you back to his sinful deed.

The hand on your hair clenches tighter, and his lips stay with yours, each bite of his teeth and roll of his tongue drops an electric shiver to your tongue traveling down to your heated core, making your hands run between your thighs, as you start circling your clit drenched with cum before you go any further he grabs your wrist harder this time and you know it's going to bruise black and blue.

He yanks your hand, with his placing between your swollen lips, you moan into his mouth, and your moan vibrates in his chest. Your fingers grasping at his shoulder.

The station of his thumb stuns you, and your clit throbs against the fiendish pressure he rubs against it. He sinks one, then two fingers inside you, and you squirm against his hand, "Jesus, Jungkook", he loves to remind you, what you need to call him, as he does by pulling out his forefinger, and pinching your clit between his thumb and forefinger, the second finger still inside your warmness.

"Fucking say my name again, say", his finger moving in and out.

"Daddy," you whisper but sounds like a whimper, your skin hot, sensitive, and bare beneath his sinister-like gaze.

"Good lord, you're so wet," he kisses your jawline, slowly placing butterfly kisses on your neck licking your skin softly to your breast as his lips graze above your nipples you jolt with shock noticing you shake, his heart-stopping grin laces his face beautifully, his fingers never rolling out your pussy.

Your hands slip down to reach for his tee. Daring to uncover him, and he didn't fight you this time. His fingers tickles, dancing over your skin, inching every corner of your skin. He leans closer to your lips sucking at your bottom lip, his breaths into your mouth, and you want him now, you want him more than you'd ever wanted anything in your life, more than every intake of oxygen.

He break away and you moan.

"Please, no daddy," your breath hitched, tears escaping your eyes and disappearing between your hairline, "please don't stop."

You fumble at the hem of his tee, clingingly desperate and wild to see him, but he calms your rushing fingers, taking your hand in his, he places a gentle kiss on your knuckles and guide your hand away. Your stomach turned upside down until you realize his grin.

He hushes you, "I'm going to make you mine."

"Make me yours", slipping your hands down to his erection, trying to stab a hole through his pants, "I want to see... You."

"Soon, princess", he says, kissing his way down to your belly, plucking away from your clingy grip, his fingers dancing around your skin.

Sucking your breath like the last drop of water as his fingers snake around your belly, unhurriedly slipping down your thighs, wittingly snubbing your swollen pussy, his mouth atop your wet pussy wilfully hitting his warm breaths on your hot skin, and your stomach twists with his wet kisses on your left thigh.

He leans closer to your pussy, watching the closeness of his mouth around your vagina your hands move into his hairline grabbing them, "I can smell you, princess. So wet." You moan, when his words slip out of his lips.

"Only for you, Daddy."

Your thighs are hot and clammy. You shake when his finger outlines the slit of your pussy, raising cold shivers across your body. Teasing your sweet pussy with nothing but his breaths, pressing his palms against your thighs, caressing and coaxing you wide for him to inhaling deep lungfuls of your wet.

"Swollen and all wet for me," he spreads you with his fingers. His hands caressing your skin, and yours nuzzling his hair.

Your tender pussy glistens with the pink neon lights and appears in all shades of pink.

Teasing you, like no one, running his thumb around your heated vagina, so gently, touching everywhere but your clit and your ragged breaths feeding him, boosting his lust.

"Daddy, please..." Your whisper.

"I always imagined your pussy, thought it was pretty but this in front of me is beautiful, princess."

"Jungko--... Daddy touch me."

He runs his tongue along your wetness giving your clit the faintest stroke. You shiver, and shock conceals your expression as your hands reach down and hold him to yourself.

And now he won't stop, he kisses you, sucking your wet dripping out as he's moving his tongue up and down, from side to side, in every direction every inch square of your swollen pink clit giving you jolts of currents that climbs your spine, and you arch. His tongue gives wet strokes until you're moving with him.

Jungkook's wet his finger and pushed one inside, but your tight pussy, clenches. You catch your breath. "Relax, princess", he whispers to soothe you. He looks up at you, your eyes are shut.

"Princess, look at me", you slowly open your eyes and met his breathtaking dark brown eyes. And you wish nothing but him to be yours.

"Just relax", he soothes you again, "enjoy this."

He works his fingers so slowly, teasing another inside, but you're so tight he couldn't push it in. He uses his mouth, tickling and sucking in a smooth rhythm until all the tension leaves you.

You begin to grind at his face, however, he continues at the same pace, keeping his moments steady enough for you to enjoy and for him to feel you taste your sweetest offering and the feel of your tender skin.

You crest without dramatics, your whispers, your gasps of breaths, your tensing muscles, and you could feel the tightness in your belly.

You twitch and arch your back, your feet curling and pressing against his back. He pauses and moves away.

Jungkook's hands are on his waistband, sliding his gray pants shaded with pre cum down his thighs.

Your eyes grow wide drowning in thirst to taste him, as you feel his huge cock against your skin. This is gonna be a painful ride.

"Are you on birth control?" He questions.

"No, why would I be?"

"But now you'll have to, princess."

"Yes, daddy," you teasingly innocently blink your eyes.

"Put your hands above your head, eyes on me."

You nod.

"Good girl",

You're nothing but a desperate little cunt for your best friend, wriggling, moaning, wobbling, squirming and aching for him.

A wild mess of hormones with pussy aching for his dick.

And it is heaven.

A demonic heaven, just yours and his.

You're his angel and he's your devil.

"Spread your legs. Daddy needs to fuck that pretty little cunt of yours, spread them," he slaps your thighs, opening your thighs wide for him you're bare to him, beautiful pussy glistening in wetness, you look into his eyes they sure are drowning in lust but there something more in those eyes.

"My submissive little princess, daddy needs to spank your drenching pussy with his hard dick, you have been nothing but an impious wilful brat",

You nod, his words make your eyes flood with tears.

"Take it like my princess."

Jungkook spanks your pussy with his hard dick, one two three and you lose count, as you can't recall the spanks you just received, shivers running across your skin, and breaths are just ragged with thirst.

His touches, his skin rubbing against your skin isn't new, feeling him deeper inside you is unusual.

And when your eyes are shut, he imperiously forces his cock inside your tight pussy. Your eyes are now wide open, "Fuck, daddy I can't take this", you shut your eyes at the pain, "kook,"

Jungkook takes his dick out, "eyes on me princess", he whispers, "calm down, relax princess. We can stop if you want me to, I can't see you like this." Without another word, he starts pulling out ever so slightly.

You look into his deep dark eyes, "No, I want you, I'm ready", you hold his wrist, stopping him before he pull out, you have hungrily waited for this.

"Are you sure? We have a lot of time for this I just need you to enjoy this moment, you get me?"

"Yes one hundred percent," you say with a nod.

He slowly, pushes his thick hard cock inside your hole, your dripping pussy clench around him, and you know your orgasm is near.

"Fuck, y/n relax, don't cum until I say, understood?"

You nod.

He pushes it at a slow pace, slowly in and slowly out. Reading your expression that is calmer than before. He increases his thrusts.

Jungkook presses himself against you, you feel him rub himself back and forth inside you teasing and pushing. It hurt for a moment, and you feel yourself open up. He leans to your neck, and his breath is quick and warm, "That's it, princess. You're taking it well."

You grab his shoulder, nails sinking into his skin.

He moves his hips and pushes against you again, and it hurt again, but then he stops.

You clench and wriggle around him, "Don't stop, Jungkook."

Tears won't stop escaping your eyes, "let me wipe away those precious tears off, for you to look into my eyes", he wipes away your tears and kisses your cheeks, "my princess."

Your pussy squeezes around him, with his words, "you are taking it so well, y/n", he groans, "I'm not finishing until you're red and puffy with pussy dripping out my cum."

You clench around him at the thought of his cum inside your pussy.

"You like the idea of your pussy filled up with my cum?" he murmurs with his breathy raspy voice.

His hips circle, small motions in and out, so gently, opening you up just to push deeper, and he stops again when you flinch.

"Fuck, Jungkook don't stop please, don't", you beg in your raspy voice.

You reach for him, pulling him close, letting him know how much you want him inside you.

"Take me," you breathe.

He kisses you on the lips and pushes. He pushes harder, and it hurts. He thrust again and again, deeper inside to feel you, it hurt but you want it so much, you don't want him to stop not now not ever, "YESSS".

"My princess..." you both are on the edge he can feel you clenching around him. You feel the warmth of his body against your bare skin, you are full of him, you feel him everywhere inside you.

You feel everything, clenching around him as he kisses your forehead. And it felt like heaven, your dream come true, Jungkook - on top of you was all you imagined every single night.

"Fuck," he hisses. "You feel so fucking amazing." He moves his hips and it feels whole inside, your heart filled with love, eyes flooded with his frame, your pussy with his hard dick, hard enough that you hold your breath, but you're so wet, you could hear it. You hear the noises as he slides in and out of your pussy.

You tightly wrap your legs around him and make yourself move, your sore body feeling incredibly weird and really intense but you're on cloud nine, euphoric.

Jungkook kisses your forehead sinking into you as you groan. You look up at him, his dark eyes burning with seductiveness. You gasp as he thrust in harder, but now you don't feel pain, his thick cock is adjusting inside your tight pussy, making your pussy his home, not painful enough like it had been, just him and you, heavy breaths and cock deeper inside you.

A beautifully slow rhythm that is making a home in your heart. He moves and you move with him. You feel him, feel him everywhere, and his everything - his breaths, his kisses, his heartbeats, his skin against yours, and his cock deeper in you.

You feel his breath on your lips, his eyes on yours, and the tension in his legs as he's pushing in and out of you. You feel so close to him, closer than you ever felt not even when you shared secrets that were meant to be buried inside your heart.

He kisses you like you're the only person, like his girlfriend, his lover, a real lover, like he wants you more than anyone else in this universe.

He tilts his hips and that's it. You suck in your breath and feel a flutter inside, and it aches a good pain until it didn't hurt at all.

He grunts and pushes hard, and the rhythm is faster than before. You hear his skin, slapping against yours, a delicious sound, and you can't stop squirming.

"I'm going to cum, princess", he whispers into your ears.

You nod, nod into his neck, pouring a wet kiss on his neck, letting him know that you're ready, his body shudders and jolts, slapping against yours. He hisses out his breath, shoving all the way in and you feel his heartbeat against your chest, and it's mirroring yours, faster.

One push and,

He shoots his come inside you.

You feel him, his warmth, his excitement. You feel the way he needs you, the way he loses control, the way he wants you, and everything between you two.

His breaths are heavy and his skin is hot and sweaty and the weight of his body pins you to bed. He is still inside you, feeling him makes you feel complete.

You are throbbing around him, and he too. You cum with him still inside you. The idea of him cum mixed with yours inside you, tingles you.

He kisses your lips and cheeks and your eyes - heavy with sleep.

He kisses all of you.

He slowly pulls out, carefully, covered with your cum mixed with his, dripping down his dick.

His hot cum starts to drip down your thighs mixed with yours and you're at the peak of vulnerability.

He picks up some wipes beside his bed, carefully wiping you off. You hold his wrist, "it's embarrassing kook, I can do this."

He hushes you, and he inches his body closer to you, tucking you and himself under the covers.

He keeps an arm around your belly as he lay beside you, kissing your shoulders and pulling you closer to him.

"I love you, with everything I am, Y/N", he hugs you and drifts into sleep.

"Kook we need to talk", exhaustion weighs heavily on your eyes.

"Not until tomorrow, right now you need to sleep, y/n,"

"But",

"No buts and ifs, you want daddy to spank you, mhmm", he whispers, a grin plastered on his lips.

"Yes", you mirror his expression.

"I really can, but looking at you seems you're breathing sleep. Sleep, princess."

"Mhmm", you nod.

He tugs you under the blanket.

Waking up at the midnight, with his cold fingers on your bare skin, you look at the side of his bed only to find what time of the night you're suddenly awake. It's 3:30 in the morning, taking a deep breath that shakes your body a little, you try to go back into a deep sleep until you feel his thumb and forefinger drawing your attention to the motion on your abused nipple, pinching it between his tattoed fingers, turning your soft buds to sharp and hard bullets.

You both had an exhausting yet unquenchable night in the history of your life. Body - worn out, pussy - swollen, cock - squishy and limp. To satiate your hearts and soul, maybe this life isn't enough for you two your hunger, probably the next life and even the next of the next might not be enough to quench your thirst.

Your breath hitches, making him wobble, "Has he been doing this for hours." Even though he's in deep sleep, his fingers don't halt for a second. You wonder if you're going to be living with him, you'll have to get acquainted with this habit of his.

Sleep did wonders, and as of now, you're ready for another round with your daddy. You trace his tattoed fingers over your nipples and this time he pinches hard as you gasp for air. Heat oozing out of your pussy maybe summoning his name as you feel him hard against your ass.

Jungkook's warm and tingly breath touches your cold cheeks, giving you chill bumps while prickles run down your spine, reaching to your swollen yet abused pussy for taking him for hours is still thirsty for his unholy touch, for his biting mouth and venomous tongue and more of his filthy hard cock waiting for a quenchable fuck.

Sure you're still a bit drowsy but not enough to not invite another exhaustingly painful sex, with the man you have only loved for years. A roughly sleepy groan vibrates inside his chest, as his tattooed arm on your breast pulls you back against the warmth of his chest. He bites your ear, placing soft kisses down on your shoulder, "why are you still awake?" His hoarse voice sends chills across your skin.

"I just woke up, and now I can't sleep." You breathlessly answer him.

"Why?" He pulls you tight against him, taking a deep lungful scent from your hair, and making you feel every inch square of his body.

You turn around to face him, to look at his sleepy yet flawless face because what you're going to say next you need to drink him in, his cosmos of emotions, which he never lets out. "When you wake up tomorrow, I'll be already gone. So I was just savoring this moment of you being by my side, your warm breaths against my skin, your touch, your everything, Jungkook", you thumb caressing the scar on his cheek.

"How dare you think, that you'll stay there by yourself and breathe peacefully," he pulls you closer, pushing his leg between yours as he places a kiss on your forehead, "I won't let you breathe, princess. Like we always do." His words throw you back into the pool of love you both felt hours ago making your pussy clench at the mere image of being fucked by him for hours begging for release yet enjoying the denial.

"Are you coming with me?" You question his.

"I'll come but not before you come."

"Jungkook", you slap his arm softly, and a giggle slips out of your lips swollen with his hungry kisses.

"I love you, princess"

"I love you, daddy", paying heed to these unholy words from your lips makes him press his lips against your lips and this is only the beginning of another unquenchable round.

© 𝐥𝟎𝐦𝐥𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐 - 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲/ 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭/ 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞. All rights reserved.

#jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook fic #bts jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook oneshot #jungkook oneshot #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x female reader #bestfriend!jjk #bestfriend!jungkook #bts oneshot #bts imagines #bts au #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts jungkook smut #jungkook smut #bts jungkook fluff #jungkook fluff #best friend jungkook #jungguk x reader #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #bts jeon jungkook #jungkook scenarios #jungkook reaction #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #bts x reader

[fierymiasma]

ʚ Keeping his promise ɞ | Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Request: Can I request HufflepuffMC x Sebastian, 10 years after Hogwarts? Like they see again in some kind of reunion (they have been writing to each other but not so much) and Seb is like taken back how lovely the MC become and all? If u would like Could u also do the same with Ominis? (Is thats alright with u ofc). I know Im asking much sorry -From omg-edzia-stuff

Summary: It's been a whole lifetime since she's seen Sebastian.  Ten years since she refused to speak to him, terrified of the person he was becoming.  Years of absolute silence from her, never once opening any of his letters.  Now, ten years later, with their class reunion coming up, he can't help but wonder if she had forgotten about their time together.

Sebastian certainly hasn't.

Words: 2.6k

My work: FieryMiasma

It was one of their rare moments of peaceful quiet.  The winter of their 5th year was fast approaching. The last few leaves of autumn were starting to fall.  Sebastian had invited her to the shores of the Black Lake to witness "the best sight of all of Hogwarts" and conjured up a soft blanket for them to sit together.  It was either good fortunate (or good planning) that the sun was setting right onto the Black Lake's surface.  His Hufflepuff was sitting next to him, bundled up in Slytherin robes that she'd borrowed from him to protect herself from the incoming night chill.  He couldn't help but admire how the dying light shone through her hair, giving her an almost golden glow.  

"You know after all of this is over, and Anne is back to her usual self, I would very much like to do this again, maybe at the Three Broomsticks, just the two of us, and…under a bit different circumstances."

"Sebastian Sallow."  There was a blush on her cheeks.  "Are you asking me out on a date?"

Sebastian couldn't screw the courage to look at her in the face.  "If you find it agreeable."  

Her shy hand found his.  "Yes, after finding a cure for Anne, defeating Ranrok, getting all this silly Keepers' nonsense out of the way, and of course, passing our OWLS,"  Sebastian chuckled.  "I would very much like to start seeing you."  

Sebastian grinned.  For the first time since his sister had been cursed, his heart truly felt light, free of its chains.  He was itching to kiss his Hufflepuff, to show her how wonderful she truly was, to suffocate her with his affection.  "It's a promise then.  A date after all this is over."

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Solomon.  Lodgok. Professor Fig.  Anne.  The unforgivable curses.  Ominis…

...A particularly nasty fight that changed the course of their friendship forever…

Sebastian sighed.  Sitting by himself once again in the corner of the Leaky Cauldron, he stared at his untouched drink in front of him.  They never did manage to go on that date did they?  Even after ten years had passed, Sebastian couldn't help but play the memory over and over in his head, like a pensieve on loop.

After…everything that happened, they drifted apart.  Her, consumed in her grief of her mentor, now burdened as the last living Keeper of ancient magic.  And Sebastian….a remorseful idiot, who lost everyone he loved with just one spell.  

He tried.  He yelled.  He begged.  He manipulated.  He cried.  He pleaded on his hands and knees, for her to give him a second chance.  For him to show her who he truly was.  He was lucky he supposed, that she didn't just throw him into Azkaban like Ominis and Anne had intended.

To this day, the fear reflected in her eyes still made him want to hurl.  How, the most powerful witch of this century, who didn't bat an eye at trolls, goblin generals, or a hoard of dark wizards, feared Sebastian.  She was terrified of him.

It was years, years of groveling for his best friend's forgiveness, years of caring for Anne at her bedside, and years of grieving at his family's graves, wondering where it all went wrong.  Sebastian hoped he'd changed in the 10 years since graduating Hogwarts.  At least, Anne told him he did, but she always had that way of saying things to make him feel better.  He hoped he'd change from that vengeful wrathless boy he once was to…at least someone worthy of a fraction of her time.

Finally picking up the goblet of firewhiskey, he tried to find the energy to drink it.  It wasn't the first time he got lost in thought thinking about her.  He'd become an avid reader of the Daily Prophet, every morning frantically combing through the pages, seeing what next great wizarding accomplishment she'd achieve.  What impossibilities she did with the smallest modicum of effort.  

Of course, he wrote to her obsessively.  His poor owl flying around the globe trying to find her.  It always seemed to come back exhausted, with Sebastian's unopened letters in its beak.

Speaking of letters…Sebastian dug Poppy Sweeting's invitation from the confines of his robes.  He had been sitting in the Leaky Cauldron for the better part of two hours, half debating on jumping into the floo fireplace and going back home to Anne.  Scanning the invitation, he reread the details he had already memorized.

A 10 year reunion of their Hogwarts classmates.  At Hogsmeade.  Tonight.  

He wondered if she would be there.

Mustering up the courage he didn't have as a lad, he threw back his shot of firewhiskey.  Slamming down two knuts on the table, he smoothed his dress robes, wondering why he even bothered up to dress up for this whole silly affair.  He made his way over to the fireplace.  Sebastian hoped he wouldn't regret his decision.  Climbing into the floo network, he turned around and declared:

"Three Broomsticks!"

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

She worried at her bottom lip, wondering for the millionth time, if this whole thing was a mistake.  Merlin, she felt like a schoolgirl all over again.  Looking at herself in the butterbeer, she nervously touched at her make up that Natty helped apply on her, smudging it worse than before. She's gotten a fair amount of new scars since Hogwarts.  She was by no means that fussy over her own appearance, but…if Sebastian were coming….ugh.  Her make up was definitely fully smeared now.  The ugly scar on her face was peeking through.  Now, Natty was going to yell at her again.

"What if he isn't coming?"  She couldn't stop herself from asking her own reflection.

"Oh, he'll be here alright."  Imelda answered from behind the former Hufflepuff, throwing her now-long cascading hair back behind her shoulders.  "He's a simple man.  Any hint of the ‘greatest witch of our generation’ being here at Hogsmeade and Sebastian will apparate here faster than a diriclaw."

The former Hufflepuff blushed heavily.  "You know the Daily Prophet makes all it up right?  Half of that stuff is just utter rubbish."

Imelda laughed, adjusting the padding on her professional quidditch uniform.  "Yes, yes, humble as ever.  You haven't changed a bit since Hogwarts."

"Imelda," Natsai Onai, the up and coming auror, appeared at their side. "Help me with the decorations!  They're not going to hang themselves!"  

"Duty calls."  Imelda drawled as Natty swept the quidditch player away.

Alone, she sat next to the fireplace, with nothing but her worry.  She couldn't help but speculate if Sebastian had changed at all.  She wondered if she'd ever again see the charming, hot-tempered, loyal Slytherin she met at the first day of Hogwarts.  He'd all be disappeared by the end of their 5th year, replaced by a darker version of the boy she had fallen in love with.  Overcome with grief, she had left Hogwarts and London behind, traveling the world with Natty, far away of any new possible mentions of new Dark wizards in England with wild brown hair and gorgeous chocolate-eyes.  

"I’ve always said that travel broadens the mind."

Her head shot up, almost afraid to see who was going to step through the fireplace.

It was Sebastian Sallow.   The second the pair made eye contact, he couldn't help but smile.  "Well, there's my favorite Hufflepuff."

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

She was dazed.  She could hardly believe that the man before her today was Sebastian.  He had filled in since she had last seen him in 7th year.  His shoulders now broad and strong, his arms thick, and bare forearms sun kissed.  His face was more defined and masculine, freckles now erupting all over his cheeks.  He had expensive well-tailored dress robes that showed off the hard lines of his figure.  The only thing that had stayed the same was his wildly untamed hair, looking as soft as the day she first met him.

The biggest change of all were his chocolate eyes.  They were no longer cold and harsh.  They looked so kind, a couple of soft creases around the edges, warm and inviting.

She stood up from her seat approaching him for a closer look.  She couldn't believe he was even real.

"S-Sebastian, hi!  Wow, you've….you've certainly changed a bit."

"And you've looked just as gorgeous as the day I lost you."

Sebastian was delighted at the way her skin turned pink.  Her blush traveling from her cheeks and spreading to her neck, just like how it used to.  It was a lie, in a way.  Somehow, the most beautiful girl in all of Hogwarts turned even more lovely.  Her body no longer hidden by baggy school robes.  She was now dressed in an Adventurer's outfit.  Dragonhide, leather straps, armor, and buckles adorned the skin tight clothing.  Her clothing gave Sebastian a nice view of her full and very nice curves.  Her eyes which used to be so soft and full of hesitancy were now sharp.  They were quick and bold, daring her enemies to challenge her.

Of course, the biggest difference was the new (or was it now old?) fading scar that was across her nose.  It figured that she of all people would have a scar that only made her look more powerful than ever before.  Sebastian couldn't help but want to duel her once again.  To have a girl as amazing as her knock Sebastian back on his ass with a few well-placed spells.  Their very first duel was still the most thrilling experience Sebastian has ever had.  

"How have you been?  How's Anne?" she asked.

"She's been well.  Wishes, she were here but…you know."  He shrugged.  "We take it day by day.  Some days are better some days are worse."

"Well," she bit her lip in worry, hesitant over what she was about to say.  "If you need any help, just say the word-"

"No," Sebastian gently stopped her.  "I'm through with asking you to give up everything for me.  I might have done it in my youth, but…no longer.  You have my word."  He chuckled darkly.  "Not that it means much given everything that has happened."

Her shoulders softened.  "Sebastian, we were both young and quite stupid.  Those days are behind us now.  I forgave you then, and I still forgive you now.  You did everything out of love.  I can see that now.  What can be a better reason than love to turn to the dark?"

Sebastian laughed, his voice now a deeper rich baritone.  "Well, it's nice to know that I still have one good friend by my side."

She hid her face behind her butterbeer.  Hoping to get away from touchy subjects, she shifted focus.  "What are you up to now?"  She asked.

Sebastian spread his arms out, allowing her to get a good look at the emerald green healer's dress robes he was currently wearing.  "I'm a healer now.  I'm the head of the Department of Irreversible Curses and Dark Maladies at St. Mungo's.  It's a new branch, just founded a year ago, by well, me I guess.  You, Anne, even Ominis, really inspired me to take a bit of a…different path than the one I was headed on."  

She blinked in surprise.  Sebastian?  A healer?  Well, she supposed it made sense.  He was always buried in books when they were in school together, constantly researching the next healing breakthrough for Anne.  It was no wonder that he managed to pick up a thing or two here and there.  "And…that's it I suppose?  No more, dark arts?"

"Now, hold on."  Sebastian teased.  "I didn't say that.  I'm the head researcher into the medical dark arts at St. Mungo's.  A new subject invented by yours truly of course.  There's so much untapped unexplored magic out there, that can be used for good, incorrectly mislabeled or misinterpreted as the dark arts.  It's the cutting edge, it can really help our patients with otherwise incurable diseases."  He laughed at the alarm on her face.  "Don't worry.  No more inferi.  No more unforgivable curses.  No following the advice of a clear lunatic like Salazar Slytherin. Anne is an associate healer on our team when she can make herself available.  Half of my projects would be nowhere without her.  She keeps me in check, making sure everything I do is by the books.  She'll wring my neck if she ever found me even toeing the line of something dangerous."  

She felt slightly bad, jumping to conclusions like that.  "Sebastian, that's…that's amazing to hear!  I'm so glad to know that you and Anne have done so well."

Sebastian took a bold step closer.  "Well, you might have been able to hear about it sooner, have you opened the letters I was sending you."

She winced.  How could she explain herself?  Would he even understand?  How broken her heart was after she left Hogwarts.  How that sly, cunning boy that she first met had turned into a wicked dark wizard who was a stranger to her.  How it tore her to pieces seeing what he became after using the Unforgivable curses.  How terrified of him she was looking into those unrecognizable cold eyes.  Lately, every time she saw his harried looking owl, she was sent into a panic.  All of her life she has only heard bad news.  Her parents.  Lodgok.  The curse of being a Keeper of ancient magic….Professor Figs.  She couldn't bring herself to read any of his letters.  If, Sebastian Sallow had turned into the new Victor Rookwood, who else but she, the Hero of Hogwarts, would be expected to put down the new threat?

"I'm sorry, Sebastian.  I'm a coward."  She admitted.  "I couldn't bring myself to read your letters.  The thought of learning of something awful happening to you.  To Anne."  She shook her head at the thought.  "I couldn't bear it."

Sebastian stepped close, their shoes practically touching.  "And I can't bear the thought of you being alone out there.  Traversing the world all by yourself, on all your dangerous adventures, without me watching your back."

She took step forward.  They were only a breath apart. She inhaled, smelling the rich oak scent and soft cologne that was unmistakably Sebastian.  "Things were a lot easier, when I had you fighting those nasty insects in the Dark Forest with me."

"Spiders."  Sebastian couldn't help but correct.  "Spiders aren't insects."

Her glare had no heat behind it.  "I suppose I deserved that one."  

Sebastian laughed, wanting more than anything in the world, to wrap her up in his arms.  To go all the way back to 5th year where they were sitting together by the lake, watching the sunset.

"You know," he drawled.  "I never did take you to that date to the Three Broomsticks that I promised you, did I?"

She blinked rapidly.  "I nearly forgot.  What, with everything that has happened, that you tried to pursue me during our 5th year."

Well, Sebastian, certainly hasn't forgotten even a second of that night.  "Well, what do you say?  We're here already.  With a lot more friends and a lot less privacy than I planned.  Want to make me a man of my words?"

Feeling bolder now that she was older, she stood on her tip toes, body mere inches from his, planting a soft chaste kiss on his cheek.  "I have a better idea.  Why don't use the very first spell I learned from you, disillusion ourselves, and sneak out of the party.  Let's go back to the lake again, just like back in 5th year. We can bring some butterbeer and some of Poppy's pastries."

He couldn't wipe the smile from his face.  "You do remember."  Wrapping her tightly in his arms, he held her close to his side, casting evanesco over the pair of them.  

"I'll follow your lead." He said, as if they were suddenly back in 5th year, about to fight another goblin camp.  

She laughed.  Her hand found his invisible one, lacing their fingers together.  

The bustle and laughter of the party was loud in the Three Broomsticks as friends and family alike reconnected.  No one noticed how the large oak front doors seemingly opened on their own to a twin pair of laughter disappearing into the moonlit night.

#sebastian sallow #hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x reader #dark!sebastian #harry potter #imelda reyes #natty onai #hphl #hl #sebastian sallow fanfiction #oneshot #harry potter hogwarts game #fierymiasmawork

[tielmamon]

Part 2

"Oh- wh- hold on now, thought we were playing for fun?" Jaskier watches Ciri deplete his monitary resources with the sweetest smile, and truly he finds that he doesn't mind.

"I assure you, it truly is a delight taking your coin." He puts on an annoyed face and snatches her cards back just to squeeze another laugh out of her. Gods know this girl needs a bit of levity in her life right now. He wasn't good at a lot of things, realistcally. He's not skilled with a sword, not a pinch of chaos in him, but making people laugh? That he can do.

"Yeah, I'm sure you do." He glances at her, honestly more proud than anything else. Princess Cirilla of Cintra, a fiesty spark of a girl turned warrior. He wasn't there for her initial adjustment with Geralt for...obvious reasons but in the years when he was there, he's seen how brave and noble and irrefutably powerful she is. All that hurt and pain turned into pure determination. She's a flame, just like her mother. And most of all, Jaskier sees so much of his best friend in her. Not just the stubbornness to do good or fierce protectiveness over those she loves, but also the little things that make his heart ache. How she holds her sword, how she likes her meat, hell even how she walks. Undoutably a reflection of her parent's love and guidance.

Her parents...

The sharpness in his chest returns. Its strange. Years and years of loving Geralt had eventually reformed his once raging, constantly ready-to-burst love into a calm, surrendered sort of feeling. It's not that his love for the man lessened. On the contrary, every year he feels them grow and evolve into something more. Knowing that heartbreak was inevitable had given him a bittersweet sort of peace. So the pain in his chest that flares whenever he sees Geralt so openly love Yen faded with time, leaving a dull ache in its place.

Until now.

"I'm sorry you're here with me, instead of at the party." Ciri brings him out of his thoughts. He simply shakes his head.

"Oh, I'm not." In all honestly, he was a bit annoyed that everyone and their mother seemed to be invited to this conclave except him but then he remembers Geralt and Yennefer going together. He could only imagine what fancy, no doubt monochromatic outfit Yen would force Geral to wear. Then again, if Yennefer was the one asking he doubts Geralt would protest. Not as much as he would with him, anyway-

He cuts that train of thought before it sends him spiraling. He had worked so hard to keep himself incheck, keep his feelings to a minimum. To not feel, or at the very least look like the lovesick fool he was before.

"Valdo's off key warblng would make my ears bleed." He settles on a believable and admittedly true excuse. Valdo's overdramatic (even for him) vocals are definitely a factor, but he'd rather listen to that noise for days than watch Geralt dance Yennefer across the ballroom with that soft, painfully besotted look on his face. He might actually die of heartbreak if he does.

"Besides, I'm better off here." He smiles at her, reassuredly. He sees the princess sit up straighter, patting the spot beside her. He raises an eyebrow but sits down nontheless.

"Jask?"

"Yes, coin thief?"

"Does he know?" He feels his heartbeat pick up. He's sure than his body is noticibly tenses, judging by how Ciri looks at him like a kicked fucking puppy.

"Does who know what?" He knows what she's asking, because what else could she mean? But like a coward, he deflects. He turns to humor because really, thats his weapon of choice. She looks at him with such a sad look and he knows he's caught.

"Does Geralt know you love him?" Deflect. Run. Don't answer-

"Of course he knows I love him. He's my best friend." He prays that his answer is enough. It seems like it isn't .

"Jaskier." He is still and silent, almost like how the man in question often is. In the end, he finds that he's tired of lying about what he feels. So, he talks.

"I think so, yes. Pretty hard thing to miss after the years of songs and poetry and...well, you get the picture." He sees her face drop, and a certain panic sets in.

"Ciri- listen, I would never ever try and break up your parents, okay? I-I would never do that to your family." He says in a rush, desperate for her to realizes. Because yes, as much as he loves Geralt, he would never jeopardise this. They were quite literally destined to be together, and if Jaskier feels like his chest is being ripped out by a wyvern everytime he sees them then thats his problem, not theirs.

"You're part of this family too, you know." Jaskier has only ever been truly speechless a handful of times in his life. But when he feels her bring him into a hug far nicer than he technically deserves right now, he finds that he can't bring himself to say anything because gods, he wishes it were true. That he was part of this group. This family and not just a stray thread, waiting to be cut off and thrown away once again.

"You're family too." He nods weakly, a few tears spilling from his eyes. Smaller hands, not yet calloused by swords or spells brush a few tears from his cheeks using the blanket. He laughs wetly, complaining how dusty the blanket is, making him cry more which was definitely the real reason and not anything else.

"And I'm not upset at you Jaskier. I'm upset for you. I don't like seeing you hurt like this..." He sees her brows furrow, hands pulling away to clutch the covers. He chuckles, wiping away the rest of his tears.

"Oh, how lucky a man am I. To have such a fierce warrior-witcher-mage princess protecting me." He smiles but her frown doesn't waver. She adjusts herself on the bed to face him properly, laying on her side and slipping a hand to hold his.

"I'm serious Jaskier! You're happiness is important too." He squeezes the hand on top of his, mustering up enough courage to smile.

"My dear, I am happy with what I have now."

"Liar." He gasps, bringing a hand to his heart. She smiles, just a bit and he counts that as a win

"I would never!" He allows himself to breath when he sees her chuckle. He's exhausted, truly. His body feels heavy with the weight of his emotions and physical exhaustion of the day. Still, there is a determined princess cuddled up infront of him with furrowed brows and a sad look on her face that simply cannot wait until morning.

"We do not choose who we love in this lifetime. I didn't choose to fall inlove with my best friend the same way Geralt didn't choose to not reciprocate those feelings. Which is okay, because-...because my love for your father isn't one that seeks a reply. It simple is." Ciri recalls her memories.

Memories from Geralt and her in the woods, running and overwhelmed and terrified. She remembers Geralt telling her stories of his best friend- an obnoxious bard that told the best stories even though they weren't entirely true. The look of guilt and sadness and longing her father suprise had when he told her about him. The few tears she saw him shed behind a crack in the door the night he finally gathered up the courage to apologize to Jaskier for everything. She had never seen him so devastated.

The grin he didn't even bother to hide when Jaskier had offhandedly called him darling when he asked for the salt.

"But what if there is a reply? What if he does love you?" Jaskier shakes his head, looking down to his lap.

We could head to the coast...

Get away for a while...

Composing your next song?

No...No, just trying to work out what pleases me...

Jaskier bears his heart to Geralt on that mountain top. He doesn't breathe, doesn't dare look away. He waits and hopes and gods above, he loves so hard it hurts. Maybe just this once, he'll be enough. Maybe they could run away from this, from everything just for a year. Maybe-

Geralt stands and leaves. Jaskier turns and sees him disappear in Yennefer's tent.

"Darling, that's impossible." He smiles sadly, playing with her fingers. The memory of then mountain and all other instances of him and Geralt replay like an old song. He knew the melody and each lyric by heart by now.

"But Jaskier I've-" Ciri startles when Jaskier’s hand claps with hers loudly and suddenly. Her palm barely stings but she gets the hint to stop talking.

"I have his friendship. I have a-a family apparently, in you and Yen. That is...more than I ever dreamed of having. You all are more than enough for me." Ciri regards him for a moment, staring at him like she's reading his soul. Whatever she sees seems to satisfy- atleast for now, because she sighs and lays a head on his shoulder.

"You too." He leans back, cheek brushing her temple as they stare at the flames of the fireplace.

"Thank you." He pretends to believe her.

Part 1 (x)

#geraskier #jaskier #geralt #the witcher #geralt x jaskier #unrequited??? #one sided love??? #maybe not #Geralt sending mixed signals #poor baby jaskier #fanfic

[denjirv]

◌⑅⃝●♡⋆♡ Bike Ride ♡⋆♡●⑅⃝◌

You and Denji finally get to teach your son how to ride a bike

CW// None! Pure fluff with GN!Reader and Denji is like 45 in this cause we all deserve a dad-denji

☆A/N: I think I do better writing fluff than pure smut cause I can get creative with it!

Denji looks down at the small blonde boy, his smile just like his with his sharp teeth grinning at his father in front of him. "Ok you ready, kid?" he ruffles his head as the child laughs, his blonde strands being now concealed by the helmet

"Ready dad!" he gets onto the small bike. You were recording a few feet in front of them, the camera slightly adjusting with the sun reflecting onto the new shiny red bike. "You got this honey! Just make sure you balance" Denji was already guiding his son by the handles while watching the boy shake the bike slightly from the lack of balance

You got worried watching your son's face slowly becoming unsure of himself. You wanted to see him succeed! He's been begging for that bike for months now and you didn't want his spirits to be crushed all cause he couldn't ride it. "Focus up! Just make sure you don't think too much about the wheels!" you shout over, but his face scrunched up as he starts to cry. Taking off his helmet he throws to the side and gets off

"Hey kid what's wrong?" Denji placed a hand on his back as he bened down to his level. You could still see the gentle look in those tired Hazel Brown eyes while Denji wiped the tears away from his son's eyes.

"I can't do it! I'm gonna fall and fail and all my friends are gonna call me stupid!" he cried out as his tears stream down his face with snot and red cheeks. "No way they won't! And if they do I'll beat them up for you! Dad will get his scary chainsaw out and make sure they won't mess with my son" he grinned, though the prospect of your husband being so protective of your son is adorable the notion that he was gonna pull his cord after years just to scare off some kids wasn't something you'd like to see.

"Ok now how bout we don't do that" you rolled your eyes and chuckle. "Sweetheart you got this, if you fall then dad will catch you!" It took a gentle smile from you and a peace sign from his dad for the boy to stop crying. Wiping his tears he gets back on the bike with his helmet as he starts to wheel towards you slowly.

"There you go thats it! Come on you got this!" Denji's voice was filled with excitement as slowly the speed gotten faster, Denji's hand still firm on the bike's handle as he kept pedalling and pedalling till Denji let's go and starts running after him. "That's it there you go! Come on you're almost there!" your face lights up as you see your son coming towards you

His face full of life and pure joy as the summer wind blows against the peeks of his hair. You can hear the wheels rubbing against the concrete, but then you see his face drop immediately once he forgot how to hit the breaks on the bike

What was a happy moment turned to a disaster as your son crashes into the camera and you cause you to fall with him. Thankfully he was wearing kneepads and you held him to break his fall. "Ouchhh" he groans as you slowly got up and see Denji running towards you. "Crap you two ok?!" he sounded a bit out of breath running toward you

Getting up with a slight bruised elbow you laughed it off. "We're ok! But I'm just happy that at least you got to finally ride your bike!" you pull him into a group hug as Denji smiles and kisses the both of your cheeks.

Laughing off the funny accident as you played back the video. But for that moment before disaster the look of your son's face and Denji's smile makes your heart melt regardless

#chainsaw man #chainsaw man x reader #csm x reader #chainsaw man x you #chainsaw man x y/n #denji x reader #denji #denji x you #denji x y/n #denji <3

[onepiecegirlypop]

LESSON: LUFFY IS EXTREMLY JEALOUS (part 3)

I had some weird ass dreams when I was in "a coma" Or at least thats what Chopper said. I woke up with Luffy right next to me, sitting with his legs crossed, staring directly at me. His eyes widened when he saw me open my eyes. "SHE'S AWAKE!" Luffy got up, acting like an insane person, waving his hands in the air. "SHE IS AWAKE SHE IS AWAKE!" Everyone rushed is, Chopper already in the room. I noticed how much my back hurt. I felt like I had been laying in bed for 5000 years. I arch my back in pain. "You've been asleep for a week!" Luffy said, Hugging me. Chopper helps me sit up. every knuckle and bone in my body cracks. I've never felt anything better than this. I hold Luffy's hand and try to stand up. My knees almost buckle but you sit up. "Thanks Luffy" I smile at him and he smiles back. Chopper smiles and changes my bandages. "Your healing well" He says. "except..." Chopper points to your face nervously. I feel my heart beat faster Oh no oh no! what happened! Luffy looks down, a tear goes down his face. "I'm sorry" He says. I swear I flinched when I heard him say that, like I got stabbed. It's hard to imagen his childish brainless ass being sad. so obviously I got kicked in the face when he said that. "Luffy..." I run my hands across his face. He starts crying again. "No no no Luffy it wasn't your fault. I'm fine" I kiss him on the forehead, trying to calm him down. "Y/N just look at your face!" Luffy cries, "It was all my fault" Chopper grimaces. "Maybe she isn't ready to look at her face-" "JUST SHOW HER ALREADY!" Luffy stomps his foot. My heart beats even faster. Luffy is never this upset. What could possibly be so wrong with my face? I take a deep breath, trying to hide my nervousness from Luffy. Chopper sighed and got a hand held mirror. Luffy holds my hand and Chopper gives me a mirror. I got a glimpse of my face and did y best fake smile. "Whats wrong? Now I look cool!" I yelled, trying to cheer Luffy up. Luffy brightens up a tiny bit. I put my hand on his face. "I'm fine" I whisper in his ear. But honestly, on the inside. I thought I looked like a mentally insane weirdo who just escaped the mental hospital, I looked like sally face. I had a massive scar, complete with a black blue and purple bruise. And a scar across my eye. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE? Its straight out of a prison movie! I looked even more insane when Chopper put bandages over my face, with purple still showing! Still, Luffy was upset and I haven't even seen my back yet... If i see my back, I don't want Luffy to be here. He would be upset. very upset. He already was that he punched me. especially that I almost drowned, and have a bunch of cuts everywhere, from flying through 2 walls and metal rails. Okay I should probably stop complaining. But it really hurts when Luffy gets upset over it. Every time he sees the wall I smashed through, he will break down. every single time. At least I can boast about being the only person alive to survive one of Luffy's punches, to the head. But still. Luffy is still upset even to this day, there is nothing I can do to make him feel better. So I just keep telling him I look so cool and stuff and then maybe he'll cheer up. Hopefully I can get that hole patched so it won't remind him. But for once, I actually get some peace (with a touch of pain) but Luffy has been quiet lately, its kind of creepy, he just sits there and stares when I read. I'm going to have Nami take him out so he'll get some fresh air. Cause all he does, is stare. stare.

#one piece luffy #one piece #luffy x reader #luffy #monkey d. luffy

[badbihk]

What Goes Around... Comes Around

Toxic jack x ex gf reader

part 1 part 2

it had been a year and four months since jack lost you and he hadn’t had a moment of peace since.

486 days of pain.

6 months of sobriety and intensive therapy. jack knew he had his own problems and narcissistic ways. he had convinced himself that if he put in the work, then you would find your way back to him. that’s how manifestation works right? as much as he learned about healthy coping mechanisms and unlearning toxic behaviors; he still found himself on your boyfriends instagram.

liked by yourinstagram and 142 others

yourboyfriendusername 8 months strong 💪🏾💕 @yourinstragram

yourinstagram 💕

wtf? thats all he has to say? jack couldn’t help but laugh. he knew you weren’t as happy as you pretended to be. two months ago, in the middle of the night, you had randomly unblocked him on everything . neither of you had said a word, but jack knew what that meant. you had gave him the opening and now all he needed to do was pick the perfect time to make his move. there was no way in hell he put in all this work to not get his girl back. he didn’t care who you were dating, hell you could be married and you would still be his girl. he went off of Instagram and opened the messages between y’all. should he text you? he really didn’t want to start shit, but at the same time he didn’t give a fuck if he started shit between you and your man.

you sighed as you turned off your phone. were you gonna meet him tonight? of course not. he did you so dirty for so long. what would you even say? what is there to even say? you say your phone down and walked into the empty living room. your boyfriend was out of town visiting family, leaving you with nothing to do all weekend. you truly liked your boyfriend as a person, but as a partner ? not so much. he was thoughtful and loyal but that’s about all you could say. besides that he was messy, annoying, clingy, and as jack said corny. everything he did have you the ick. you felt as if you were dating a child in a grown man’s body. he couldn’t even make you happy; let alone make you cum. that was never a problem with jack. wtf? why am i even thinking of jack. fuck him. you sat down on the couch and turned on the tv half paying attention. maybe you should just go talk to jack. you never really got closure right? but you would be just as bad as jack was to you if you went over there. if it was going to be on your mind so hard maybe you should just go over there? no. absolutely not.

jack stared at the last message he sent.

read at 5:51

damn. so that’s how you was gonna do him? he shot his shot and you blocked the fuck out of it. now you were just gonna ignore him. fuck that. he didn’t care if he had to pull up at your house and sit outside for 3 days straight. he couldn’t do this anymore he wanted to see you. NEEDED to see you. he felt as though he had played his role. yes he constantly stalked all your social media and called you 30 times in one day, but that was months ago. ever since that day he saw you in person, he made the conscious decision to leave you alone. absence makes the heart grow fonder right? he sat there for 45 minutes deep in thought; debating if he should just come see you. he finally just gave up. after all this over thinking he definitely needed a nap.

jack had been asleep for a little over an hour before he was woken up by his phone going off. he rolled over and answered without checking who was calling.

“hello” he said husky voice while sitting up against his headboard.

“why the fuck would you tell me to come over if you aren’t going to answer the door” you say as you ring the doorbell yet again. “i’ve been knocking for ten minutes. You wanted me to come over and i came but im finna leave bc i feel like you are playing”. were you mad? no, but you were irritated. you put your ass on the line to come over here the least he could do is open the door.

“ y/n I swear to god i was asleep and didn’t hear you my bad im coming now.” jack says practically hopping out of bed and racing to open the door.

as he opens the door, he feels his heart skip a beat. you looked beautiful. he felt like he was seeing you for the first time again.

“ are you gonna stare at me or let me in?” you question

“my bad” he says opening the door wider for you and stepping out of the way.

you weren’t trying to be rude but it was like once you saw his face all the anger came back. you truly loved this man and he took advantage of that. why tf did you even come here?

jack could sense your attitude from a mile away. you had been here for 20 minutes and hadn’t said a word. he sat next to you on the couch as he watched you scroll through tik tok aimlessly.

“ look im gonna go. i don’t know why i came here. i thought we would talk about everything or something but im good on this.” you say while standing up and reaching for your purse.

“wait y/n please don’t leave we can talk if you want to i just didn’t want to bring up everything because i didn’t want to trigger you. i figured if you wanted to talk about everything that’s happened you would bring it up”

you sighed and sat back down facing him. “you go first because i’m pretty sure you understand how i feel based on how i left your ass”

damn. that what probably deserved jack thought to himself. “ look i fucked up. you did everything in your power to keep me happy. you stuck around even when you shouldn’t have, even when i didn’t appreciate you. i hate that it had to take me loosing you for me to finally understand. real love is hard to find and you gave that to me. as cliche as it sounds it was never you because it was always me. i let my own insecurities and demons take over and control me. on top of that i was always drunk and high trying to ignore the battle that was going on in my head. you didn’t deserve anything i put you through and i am truly sorry. i don’t care if you don’t forgive me, i need you to know how sorry i am. i will be spending the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, even if that means just being your friend and supporting you from afar. i made my bed and now I have to lie in it. i do love you and always have but i couldn’t be the man you needed, and i have spent months trying to change that.” jack said while tearing up.

“jack i-”

“ im not trying to be rude but i don’t need you to say anything i just wanted you to hear that so maybe it could give you some peace of mind. i want you happy with or without me.”

you don’t know what took over you, but before you could even think about what was happening your lips were on his and you were on top of him. the kiss was so passionate and needy. it was like you both needed the other to breathe. how could you have gone this long without him? his hands had a tight grip on your ass pulling you as close to him as possible as you straddled him. it felt as if you could finally see him for the first time in almost 6 years. this was the jack you had fallen in love with, and this was the jack that brought out the best in you. it was like you were in a trance until you realized what you were doing. you quickly jerked back, breaking the kiss.

“we can’t do t-this jack” you say standing up and taking a few steps away from him. “i can’t hurt him like this”

“okay I understand” jack says while remaining seated and adjusting himself through his pants “why did you say it like that” he questions

“like what?”

“like you are trying to convince yourself that you don’t want this”

you sighed. he was right you did want this but what type of person would that make you?

“just say the word y/n and ill be on my knees for you right now giving you exactly what you want” he says as he gets up and takes a step toward you, causing you to take a step back into the wall.

you feel his thumb against your clit rubbing circles through your leggings. of course you weren’t wearing underwear today. you could feel your wetness soaking through the thin fabric.

“do you want me to stop?” he questions as he applies more pressure causing your knees to buckle.

“no please don’t stop” you moan out while digging your nails into his shoulder trying to steady yourself.

jack drops to his knees in front of you and pulls your leggings down to your ankles. your hands instantly goes to his hair gripping his curls. he runs his finger across your soaked slit and puts the same finger in his mouth, sucking on it.

“you always taste so good” he says before putting two fingers into you causing you to let out an airy moan. his thumb finds its way to your clit as his fingers work in sync pumping in and out of you as his thumb is rubbing delicate circles on your throbbing clit. with his other arm he lifts your leg up and onto his shoulder giving him better access to you. he replaces his thumb with his mouth causing you to dig your nails into his shoulder and moan out his name. it doesn’t take long for you to feel your orgasm building. it had been so long since you actually had an orgasm and it felt as if you were going to explode. jack adds in another finger as his mouth is still latched on to you.

“jac-ck im close” you moan out as you throw your head back against the wall. you legs began shaking uncontrollably but jack placed his free hand firmly below your ass forcing you to stay up and take it. you squeezed your eyes shut as you cum all over his face leaving his beard soaked. any other time you would be embarrassed about the fact it only took you five minutes to cum, but right now you couldn’t care less.

jack stood up giving you a kiss and allowing you to taste yourself all on his lips. he then went in the other room to clean himself off before coming over to do the same to you. he tosses the towel in the hamper before helping you over to the couch.

holy fuck you. you couldn’t believe you had seriously just cheated on your boyfriend but honestly you didn’t regret it one bit.

#jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow blurbs #jack harlow instagram au #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow social media au

[textualviolence]

um what else am i currently or have ever been ashamed of or felt pressure to disavow ummm...

i liked good omens both seasons. Writing on season two couldve been better but those two actors have good chemistry & comedic timing its entertaining to watch them on screen and the little cringe love story did tug at my heartstrings a little like i do care what happens to them.

I was also very much a bbc sherlock fan during the peak of tjlc and i believed in it with all my heart and when the last episode of s4 came out i was in denial for 4 months and then i pretended id never heard of the show in my life for the following few years...hbomberguy made a whole video calling me a stupid idot loser for falling for it and it felt like a knife to the heart. & you know what i rewatched it recently with a lightened soul & no karmic debt & now recognize the pain behind the vitriol cause he was clearly also a disappointed fan though i could not see that at the time. maybe not tjlc who's to say but he loved bbc sherlock & hated himself for that once the last episode came out and we all realised it was bad its pretty obvious in the way he talks about steven moffat like an ex-lover who betrayed him. But i think its not even bad i still like it ill rewatch it and have a good time,

and yes i am a johnlock shipper. those ugly british men have a handle on my psyché though with the shifting tides im feeling like i would enjoy a wider range of pairings and themes from that show. I am generally very susceptible to outside influence when it comes to these things its part of why i find it hard to ignore when the trends oscillate wildly between loving something absolutely and hating it with a passion i find it very tiring because i feel it in my heart as if the urge came from the inside...sometimes something is just okay and its okay to like it an average amount without having to wildly overcorrect to atone for having liked it more than it deserved. maybe i was too intense about bbc sherlock and got my heart broken even though it was obvious i was projecting something that was not there on a cryptic blank screen, and so it is mostly my own fault but i don't have to hate myself for it either its all fine.

Loving something a little too much and being heartbroken when you realise it wasn't actually what you thought is painful but its part of life its not something to bury into the earth its fine....and im uncool to the extreme ive never been cool not once in my life im sort of embarrassing in most of the things i do and say and thats okay too i don't have to change because i can't anyways and besides its not hurting anyone. I'm literally a theater kid and theres something very freeing about being in the middle of a gaggle of nerds well sort of like being a tumblr blogger but the two balance each other out. I can't be cool on here because im a theater kid to my core in real life in the hamilton fan sort of way and i can't be cool in really life because im literally a tumblrina of the superwholock variety and in both there is a kind of peace and relief knowing that i will never have to be cool and am always lamer than most people around me at least in my heart of hearts...

#prefacing again that this is for me alone #but if you feel seen or targeted you can come sit on the floor with me and i will take you in my arms...

[briebo-is-a-dragon]

wanted to write out my thoughts on my own writing for a while so This is is That

i have so far finished only one (1) long-form writing project of mine. it's online, far more people read it than i ever thought would see it. like. so many more people. omfg.

this is still so daunting to me lmao, and i'm... proud of it! yes! but i also feel a little embarrassed about it tbh?

the story im specifically talking about is Odd Inheritance, which is a short little story i wrote about a trans girl realizing she's trans set loosely in pathfinder, and i have SO many thoughts about it now, about half a year after it's final chapter was released.

i wrote it in two weeks in a sprint during one of my study breaks, and i wrote it completely by the seat of my pants with no plan, and i think that shows. there are some extraneous plot threads in it that make no sense, side characters that feel very flat, and some characters appear less than i would've wanted them to. i dont share it around whenever i talk about my own stuff because im a little like "eh, i can do better now!" about it.

saying all that though, i reread it recently and i think it still has... charm? there are bits in there that i really really like, little nuggets in the story that elevate it despite some of the other parts perhaps being not as good, and overall, now that im more acquainted with how it actually is rather than the version i built up in my head, i actually shared it around a little more!

that is not to say that i dont think it could have used, perhaps, an extra editing run. an overall look at the plot threads and perhaps a pruning of some things, but hey, that comes with experience, right? i cant diss it too much, as, lets be honest here, its still the only story ive actually finished. (though i have at least two more fully outlined that im simply waiting for inspiration to kick me in the ass again so that i can start em proper, looking at you Dragon story that ive posted about before)

anyways. all thats to say that im currently in the process of rewriting it. im giving it that final little editing pass, mostly just... for me? it holds a special place in my heart as the thing that connected me with a bunch of other people that i've now gotten to know, and i want to do the ideas and character justice. if i manage to finish this little rewrite (this time with a plan, gasp) im gonna put it up on itch and actually do some more illustrations for it, hopefully.

anyways thats the end of my little thoughts on this, theyve been churning around in my head for a while now, just wanted to get em out. peace <3

#bri talks #my writing #sooooo many thoughts about OI you have NO idea. im really enjoying myself planning everything out

[thefinalwitness]

still working out what the "function" of atlas was, as venat's concept. i think she created them during her days as azem, hence the starry nature, as some sort of assistant with some very specific purposes. specifically i recall how venat always felt like her work "wasnt done" after her time as azem, and i wonder if thats part of what atlas was designed for—to help her find her calling.

she chose the moth similarities because of how moths are typically "drawn to light"; to venat, this sort of meant, at least, that atlas was designed to guide venat out of the dark places her work would take her. they were a beacon of hope, perhaps. sending them after meteion had been an impulsive response, as she hadn't had time for much else, but that's also fits in with the role of hope and guiding light. for 12k years venat kept her vigil in the aetherial sea, and while i believe she had billions of good reasons (love for every single person on etheirys), i think one of those reasons was knowing one of the stars in the sky was atlas, pursuing meteion.

as for atlas and meteion's relationship, well. they never hated each other. if anything, they pitied each other. meteion, in her despair and delusion, wanted to give atlas the finality and peace and release of death, to spare them all this ceaseless struggling. and atlas wanted to save meteion, to find that small person whose wonderment they had once cherished so. meteion expects them to hate her after the endsinger is defeated, but they don't. they're just so relieved she's found the light they were trying to show her.

it's easy enough for atlas to befriend minfilia too. she is, after all, infused with hydaelyn's essence, and is therefore the closest thing 'to' venat that still exists in the world. atlas thinks of her as something like venat's descendant, this related but unique person, who has chosen to bear venat's legacy forward. atlas could almost be considered minfilia's knight in that way, thrown through time to a world where her original ladyship no longer exists, but this little seedling of her great tree does.

similarly, this is why they're drawn to the warriors of light, who each possess the echo and are therefore touched by venat. they specifically like l'aiha because she, like minfilia, was infused with more of hydaelyn's essence; l'aiha FEELS a bit more like venat to atlas. and they do genuinely infantilize her miqo'te features a little, thinking of them as cute or charming, but they respect those bearing the echo unwaveringly. anyone who has the echo is immediately precious to them; in a way, these people become their own 'light' they ever seek.

they, like all of venat's creations, love all the people of etheirys, and the star itself too, of course. but the way they were designed was to guide and protect venat, so their heart naturally latches onto those that radiate any small essence of her. they seek endless happiness for these souls, and failing that, they seek reprieve for them. funnily enough, they describe bearers of the echo as 'little sparks'; now where could they have gotten that from? 🤫

im trying to decide if i want to give them the ability to traverse reflections too... if they have it, i don't think they know about it yet, as their departure predates the sundering and they've had no need to attempt crossing reflections since their return. they're also very out of the current patches loop, though i highly suspect they'll come into play in 6.5, given that zodiark's essence has been awakened in zeromus AND i think y'shtola is smart enough to reach out to the two living creatures (other being meteion, of course) that travelled the expanse of space with nothing but their own bodies for insight on reflection travel, in case those things are fundamentally similar.

which is also a great way to reintroduce minfilia to the msq, and MAYBE meteion, tho im more inclined to keep leaning on my "shes traumatized and scared of being near people in case she turns again" headcanon. at least for all of 7.x. just to give the msq some time to see if they want to bring meteion back in canonically, which would mean i'd have to work around whatever they do, bc i get weird once im caught up in a story and start making my own adaptions that come back to bite me when the actual story reintroduces characters <3 it's the adhd sorry <3

#just babbling into a box. it helps me think #atlas #endwalker #yoshi talks

[gaylmet4ever]

Cheers.

Rowan & Devon

*****

Rowan finds Devon outside, sitting on the stairs to the porch of the cabin. There's a couple of books opened in front of him and he's playing the guitar in his hands while reciting the name of a disease and its causes and treatments. Or at least thats what she thinks it is.

She clears her throat in an attempt to catch his attention.

"Hey Devon, you asked for me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did. Come sit," he says, when he turns to face her, a welcoming smile on his face.

There's something about Devon that Rowan can't really place. But it makes him different, from any person she's met.

He's battle-worn and weary, more than any 22 year old should be; the vulnerable pieces of himself are carefully hidden away, none visible out in the open. There's a sharpness to his gaze, intelligent eyes and a very confident way of speaking, like everything he says and does comes after a lot of deliberation. And yet, there's also a warm aura and ease encompassing him.

She's slightly jealous, and if nothing else, desperately– to be, or rather, to seem so at peace.

"You okay?" he asks, as she sits down, fiddling with her ring.

"Yeah. What did you need?"

"Just wanted to talk. Ask how you're doing. I realise I haven't exactly been the best host."

Rowan blinks, looking at Devon who looks slightly sheepish.

"Oh that's no problem, we all got a lot going on. College?" she asks, gesturing towards the books in fromt of them.

"Yeah. Physiotherapy."

"Physiotherapy, huh. What made you choose that?"

He shrugs, "it's nice helping people get back to their one hundred percent."

He doesn't ask about her own college plans. It's like he understands her hesitance, but doesn't really want to be another person to add their input of following her heart. She's grateful for that.

"I don't know, what exactly got you knee-deep in this Power business– but I just want you to know that you'll find your balance and your calling sooner or later."

He's closing his books, and returning his hand to his guitar, playing a soft melody. It goes well– with the relative silence, only accompanied by the sound of crickets, the rustle of leaves and the whoosh of the late night breeze.

Rowan sighs, covering her face with her hands, "How do you do this? Be so at peace, so normal."

She removes her hands and looks at him. She wants a solution; some sanity amongst all the insanity and right now, he seems to be the only one to have a similar life experience like her.

"I wasn't always. In fact, I still aren't most days. But... it's easier now."

Devon keeps playing his guitar, as if the universe will reveal its secrets in the notes of the song.

"When we were eight, my best friend was murdered by the Power in front of our eyes," he finally says, a faraway look in his gaze, "the Power haunted me for almost my entire life."

Eight?

Wow. That's a very long time.

Rowan sharply inhales, her eyes widening, "seriously?"

Devon smiles, "to be fair, i didn't remember much of the Power until quite later- all I knew was she was dead," his music does a diminuendo, "My friend, Dan, says that sometimes the mind does that–hides stuff away. Stuff that hurts."

"That's still horrible."

"It is. And I do get nightmares– as I'm sure you do too, and for so very long I didn't think I could move on– I didn't want to move on. But now, after we finish this spell... whether it works or not, I'm going to move on. I'm ready."

He reaches out and pats the back of her hand, "so, what I'm saying is that– it's okay. No matter what you do, or how long you take to climb this mountain, whatever is meant to happen will happen. Que será, será."

Rowan reaches out and hugs him, god knows they both need it. And huh, he's a really good hugger.

She laughs bitterly, "why is it that innocent kids are always subjected to the worst of the world?"

Devon sighs, "I wish I knew."

"I think...I wanna tell you about my family... but maybe not so soon."

He nodded, "whenever you want to, I'll listen."

"Gimme moment?," Rowan asks suddenly, a thought popping into her head, and she let's go of him, quickly scrambles up and rushes inside before hurriedly returning with a plate of mac n cheese.

Devon shoots her a questioning glance.

"We both have bad eating habits, so I figured, if neither of us really feels like eating– at least we'll do it for each other's health."

He hesitates, and Rowan knows that he's been surviving on energy bar breakfasts and salad dinners– she's been doing that too; but he nods, and picks up a fork that she offers to him.

"Cheers."

Maybe this was a start to a great friendship.

******

@itlivesproject here's a little gift from me for the lovely creation of ilw

#the it lives project #it lives 3 #it lives anthology #it lives in the woods #fic

[cutest-big-dragon]

I have too many thoughts sometimes. I could sit here and rant forever, but it's not gonna get us anywhere really.

Like, I feel sad sometimes, but it's cause I worry about everyone. I worry for myself, my family, my friends, people I don't even know.

If anything, when people ask me why I'm sad I always have the urge to say "why aren't you?".

Like, you realize everything that's going on right now? Our government is all fucked, no matter where you go, we're inching closer to ww3. Our mental health system is fucked, voting does nothing, we have no power anymore.

There's still large communities of bigots and racists, and there's still ever-climbing suicide rates, the number of kids growing up fatherless has doubled in the past 50 years.

Not even the animals are safe either! We're still deforesting, we're polluting, hell, even our pets aren't safe..

All we do is divide, and destroy.

I've thought about this a lot too, people always say "well at least we can better those around us!". Yeah, until whatever government, or corporation, or community on social media decides to destroy what we worked so hard to build.

You may say "oh but nobody would do that, we all know it's a good thing!", you do realize we've divided ourselves over even more pointless things? We'll hate each other over the smallest of things, skin color, eye color, hair color, gender, weight, appearance, affiliation, etc. Even over things we're not certain are real! People hate each other over religions!

As humans, we just hate things we don't understand. Even if we know most things about it. We set arbitrary rules for most to follow, others are exempt. The judges, the jury, the prosecutor and defense, they're all against each other.

We base our judicial system, our laws, etc, on what we think, right? You realize how flawed human thought can be sometimes though?

If you're religious, pray. If you're in power, listen to the people. If you're the people, keep open eyes, hearts, and minds.

The best solution I've come up with is to just focus on loving yourself, and those who truly deserve it. Never because you have to, or because others do.

We should never let ourselves become our own warden because "thats what everyone does". Do what you think is right, and if people disagree, come to a peaceful resolve. No executions, and no violence. Not even a threat.

#vent #mental health #politics #religion #world events #history #love #hate

[club577]

(i dont wanna talk about it i dont wanna talk about it i dont wanna talk about it i dont wanna talk about it) I SEE AHEAD OF ME A LIGHT THAT TAKES MY BREATH IF WERE ONLY EVER LOOKING BACK THEN HOW COULD WE EXPECT TO SEE EACH OTHER AS WE ARE FOR ALL THAT WEVE BECOME WOULD WE BE FRIENDS AT ALL IF WE WERENT FRIENDS WHEN WE WERE YOUNG I WANT TO FEEL CLOSE TO YOU FOR MORE THAN JUST THE SAKE OF THE PLACE THAT WE GREW UP IN OR THE TIMES THAT WE GOT BAKED IN THE PARK LOOK IF YOU TAKE ME APART YOULL FIND HALF OF ME IS YOU BUT HALF OF ME IS ASKING ME TO START ANEW

YOU LOOK THE SAME BUT I DONT RECOGNIZE YOU IM LOOKING YOU DEAD IN THE FACE BUT I CANT FIND YOU DONT LIKE THE WAY WE ALWAYS TALK IN THE PAST TENSE YOU CANT EXPLAIN THE PRESENT TIL YOU WORK OUT WHAT THE PAST MEANT 

THESE ARE THE DAYS THAT BIND US TOGETHER FOREVER AND THESE LITTLE THINGS DEFINE US FOREVER FOREVER OHH ALL THIS BAD BLOOD HERE WONT YOU LET IT DRY ITS BEEN COLD FOR YEARS WONT YOU LET IT LIE

THERES A MAN IVE KNOWN FOR YEARS BUT STILL TO THIS DAY DO I KNOW HIM I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH ITS VERY HARD FOR ME TO SHOW IT BACK THEN AND EVEN NOW I FEEL THERES SOMETHING THAT I OWE HIM AND THAT FEELING SHOULD BE GOING OVER TIME BUT NO ITS GROWING WE WAS KID MATES MAKING MISTAKES PLAYING GIVE TAKE BIG HEARTS BATTLING AND BIG SNAKES RATTLING THEIR TAILS HE WAS LIKE THE WIND IN MY SAILS I WAS LIKE THE WATER FOR HIS KEEL IT WAS REAL IT USED TO HURT MY FLESH THAT HIS WORN SCARS WERE HEATED STILL HE USED TO HURT HIS FLESH JUST TO SEE IF HE COULD FEEL TO CUT A LONG SHORT HE WAS NEVER REALLY THE STRONG SORT GOT INTO THE WRONG SPORT BIG SWIGS LONG SNORTS CAUGHT IN THAT SPIRAL SAW ATTEMPTS TO HELP AS SPITEFUL AND SOON HE GOT SO DOWN THAT HE GOT ON THE BROWN WORD GOT AROUND PEOPLE DID NOT LIKE THE SOUND THEY TOLD ME TO STOP POPPING ROUND TO SEE HIM I KEPT DISAGREEING SOON HE WAS A DIFFERENT BEING HE GOT INTO STEALING ROBBING I STILL SEE HIM FREQUENT OFTEN EYES ARE THROBBING WEEPING SOBBING FREAKING OUT WOULDNT SPEAK ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MADE HIM WEAK CAUSE THAT WOULD STOP HIS THROAT MID SENTENCE FACE WOULD PAINT REPENTANCE BUT HIS ACTIONS SPOKE DEPENDENCE FRIENDSHIP BECAME DIFFICULT TO SAY THE LEAST HE PLAYED THE BEAST SO WELL I WONDERED HOW WED EVER MAKE OUR PEACE THATS WHEN WE DRIFTED NEVER ARGUED IT JUST BECAME CLEAR THE PARTS OF HIM I LOVED SO MUCH WOULD SLOWLY DISAPPEAR

BUT THOSE ARE THE DAYS THAT BIND US TOGETHER FOREVER AND THESE LITTLE THINGS DEFINE US FOREVER FOREVER ALL THIS BAD BLOOD HERE WONT YOU LET IT DRY ITS BEEN COLD FOR YEARS WONT YOU LET IT LIE

READY OR NOT HERE I COME YOU CANT HIDE IM GONNA FIND YOU AND TAKE IT SLOWLY (but those are the days that bind us) READY OR NOT HERE I COME (together) YOU CANT HIDE (forever) IM GONNA FIND YOU (these little things define us) AND MAKE YOU (forever) WANT ME (forever)

#voidscreaming #literally love this song so much #literally wrote that all from memory #that first prechorus aughh im not ok #this and basement are like the only songs that have actually made me cry #i need to listen to more of kaes stuff i love their voice sm #forever ever #bastille #kae tempest

[anothertorturedsoul]

The first time i ever felt healing in the past years was yesterday.

It was the first time ever we kinda talked about whats going on. I asked if it was making him feel uncomfortable and he said no but he can imagine how i felt uneasy about it.

This alone healed some broken bits and pieces inside me. I never really thought that he cares about how i feel. At least he never told me. That might be because he doesnt want to make it any harder for me but how would he know that the contrary is the case?

I always say that i made my peace with those feelings, but in fact the first time i actually felt a little peace was yesterday.

Still there are unsolved questions on my mind. Especially one. He had so many girls in all those years, i assume he had sex with most if not all of them. We were never an official item but he could have had me like any given time tbh, there were lots of oppertunities, but he never did.

Why?

At some point me and my now husband became a thing, i get why he wouldnt cross any more lines than he already did at that point. Always touching me in some way, flirting and making me go crazy, he enjoyed that and i did, too. ̶i̶̶ ̶̶m̶̶i̶̶s̶̶s̶̶ ̶̶t̶̶h̶̶i̶̶s̶.

But before that?

Maybe he wanted to protect me from being haunted but jokes on me, we all know how that went.

Maybe he actually always cared more about me then i knew and i am something special to him. But my mind tells me „haha honey you wish“ right now.

While typing „you are my brothers wife“ echoes through my head. Thats what i am to him, at least thats what he told me once.

Big ouch.

This man is my first love. That one-of-a-kind love that drives you into pure insanity, can‘t think straight and haunts you at night. I already had a crush on him when he kissed me for the first time but since that moment i completely fell for him. This kind of love is something that you only experience once. Nothing will ever compare. I do love my husband more than anything. But its different.

I still remember the day i decided to open up my heart to let somebody else in. His mother told me that he loves me and how she hopes i wont give up on him. I cried on my way home so much that my skin was sore, when my now husband showed up and tried to cheer me up. He hugged me and I cried until his shirt was soaking wet. When he looked at me and carefully wiped the tears off my face, i realized that he was always there for me when i most needed it. He always wiped away all those tears.

I needed to let some healthy love into my life and i decided to allow myself to love someone else. When i was a teen i thought you can only love one person truly but now i know thats just not true.

The lovestory of my husband and me was chaotic and painful as well. All that drama with his ex girlfriend, he cheated on me and told me about it years after. If he had told me right away when it happened i would have left. And that would have lend me down into my favorite toxic spiral again. It hurt nonetheless. After years and years of jealousy, pain, rejection and heartbreak you decide to kinda move on with the guy who always was your best friend and seems like the most precious human being. And him of all people goes straight into breaking your heart.

I think thats my type or something.

When i finally opened up about my feelings to my best friend, because she saw this little screw in my purse, i was hit with a lack of understanding. She asked why i would still spend time with him, that i dont sound like a married woman, why i wont break off contact, i would only make it harder for myself.

The thing is, those two men are the best of friends. They are literally like brothers and my husband loves him more than his actual brother.

Even if i wanted to, which i dont, theres no way i could avoid him.

I know most people will never understand how this feels like. But i have found my own way to cope with it. Having my little crumbs keeps me happy and maybe one day i will heal and those scars will fade. But i realized that i cant heal them on my own. I need the one who caused them to help me.

̶i̶̶ ̶̶n̶̶e̶̶e̶̶d̶̶ ̶̶h̶̶i̶̶m̶̶ ̶̶a̶̶n̶̶d̶̶ ̶̶m̶̶a̶̶y̶̶b̶̶e̶̶ ̶̶i̶̶ ̶̶a̶̶l̶̶w̶̶a̶̶y̶̶s̶̶ ̶̶w̶̶i̶̶l̶̶l̶.

[-less-than-three-]

The unloving

I remember him, the man I met in 2021, who met at my lowest. I don't even have the words to describe what he felt like, it was not a slow burn, but it was gentle like one. I was engulfed in the love he gave me, I could feel it surround me and hold me like water. I was safe, I was known, I was loved. He felt like an old love song, like slow dancing under dim porch lights, he felt like the daydream you have when you hear the one song you know you want played at your wedding. He was the proof that souls can be intertwined, the sprituality in a flowing river, the grounding of bare feet in soft earth. I knew so soon I wanted to marry him. He was kind and he was gentle, he was grateful and he was soft, he was rare and he was strong. I remember how ethereal the time spent was, just late night snacks and a movie felt like I had found the garden of eden, my lifeline, I wanted him forever and believed I could have him.

And then the grief struck

It's hard to watch someone you love die. I'm not even talking about the grief that killed him. I'm talking about the way he grew so cold overnight. I got pushed to the back burners, he began to drink more often, rely on comfort from other women, push me away more and more everyday. He carried the 80% until this point and I was an imperfect lover, so when he got sick I picked up the 80 and began to pull the yoke. I tried so hard to bring him back to himself. I stayed when he would say things that cut me deep, I helped take care of his kids, I stayed quiet about the other woman and immersed myself in his life so much I forgot about my own, I tried so fucking hard to bring him back.

There was nothing I could do...

I can see a clear and distinct difference between the man I met in 2021 and the man I met in 2022, they are two different people, who live two separate lives, and love two separate women. I lay awake at night crying, mourning. I watched the man I love get sick and die, I layed him in a shallow grave and I kissed his face. I buryed him and watched everything I'd searched for all these years, the life I had ahead, the love that burned so bright in my darkest parts, be layed to rest.

There is a man that looks just like him that walks this earth still today, at least thats what others might say. He has the same name, the same birthday, the same hair and skin color, even most of the same family and friends... But I do not know him. He is made of different earth, born of different water, forged in different fire. I can't be angry with a man I do not know. I hope he is happy, I hope he finds peace, I hope he finds love. I just know when I look in his eyes that this man is stone, no longer water.

I look for the man I met in 2021 in everyone I meet, I'm desperately searching for a semblance of him to hold onto. I loved him so viciously, I still imagine the life we could've had, the love we could've shared. I miss him more than anything. My heart was shattered when he died. I wake every morning at 2am and weep like a child knowing I can never bring him back. The man I loved is dead. I found what I searched for my entire life and within only a few short months he was ripped from my grasp... I know he loved me though, what we had was real, it was beautiful, and it was breathtaking.

I've layed him to rest now, and accepted that he is gone. It's a very real mourning. I remember him when the wind blows the right way and caresses the skin on my face, I remember him when I hear children laughing, or when the sky is extra blue, or the grass extra green. I remember him fondly, and I don't hold him responsible for the actions of the man that was left after the trauma. If spirits are real, there is an afterlife somewhere where the man from 2021 is holding the hand of the girl who passed in 2022, maybe she needed him more than I did, and that's why she took him with her.

There is no happy ending, just me, alone, sitting here with the shattered fragments of my heart, trying desperately to remember how they all fit together. Trying so hard to heal and to move on and to be okay, but missing my love more than anything. The only thing I can take from this is knowing that the kind of love I yearn for is real. It exists, I know it, I felt it, I lived it. I pray every day that I can find it again, but for now it'll be the thing that keeps me going

It was real

It's real

It will be real