#the narration style seemed like a good idea until I realized how hard it was to write something new on the same day I intended to post it

[workingchemistry]

After rambling paragraphs in your comment section I have come on Tumblr to write more lmao. Seriously I wrote 4 journal pages of thoughts about your au it's very good!

Ok so first, I love how the fight dynamic is: jump Fox when he is being stupid -> 17 breaks up fight -> profit. Except now everything's all wrong so they had to call 17 over to fix things in post. Just hilarious and good continuity.

Your manipulative Fox is excellent show don't tell. It's honestly really hard to write a smart dude without being basically psychic or actually failing a lot. So like even though a lot of people love manipulative Fox it's hard to show in such a low stakes fashion. Usually wr just see him blackmailing people or otherwise winning instead of slowing gathering intel and influencing someone. The pacing and POV just makes it work.

Ace!Fox and Allo!Bly solidarity is hilarious. It cracks me up that the Kaminoans somehow didn't realize that most of the clones are ace spectrum. Like i question if the whole defective CT for CC batches worked even once as intended when every CC is only interested in adoption. "Natborns are obsessed with sex" indeed. Fox knows what's up.

Fox being more genuine with Bly and 17 and even Laruk was adorable. Especially with 17 where we got to realize that all the cadet style military discipline is affectionate with 17. Feral!Fox and his barely older dad my beloved.

I love how the deterministic gene editing totally matters but also doesn't matter much at all. Like all it really did is make a hierarchical family dynamic. Alphas will absolutely parent solo because they are competitive. CCs are big on being at the middle level of parenting and ori'vod-ing because they are only as competitive (for affection) as necessary to get the primary position in a cuddle pile. CTs are totally comfy with looking after younger siblings while still being looked after by the CCs. Ultimately they are all chomping at the bit to create a found family irrespective of genes.

Satine and Fox are so interesting because Satine cares that he is bleeding because of her principles not because she is being kind. Fox likewise pretends to be nice constantly so that she doesn't die on his watch and he gets blamed. Like him expressing understanding over natborn women being uncomfortable with men is just so he can do his job. He gets it but he doesn't really care about a stranger's hypothetical trauma.

Caring about your appearance is absolutely not a baseline experience for clones. Choosing to deviate from regulation at all is a huge expression of individuality even if you still present as a man.

Also like, Satine they are not soldiers by choice. Why would they have a culture that values violence above all else when they don't choose that life. As Fox was explaining in the creche, violence between vode is about love and survival, bot bloodthirsty bloodthirstyness or glory.

Also yeah, Satine will be totally offended by Fox's philosophy on death and murder. "The only deaths I care about are my brothers and they die all the time. If the purge was real I would fix the overcrowding in the senate dome no problem."

lol. They had a Method. It’s always a struggle when your younger brother is both smarter and dumber than you are. Usually beating him up and getting lecture by the only person he listens to is effective but then they tried to beat him up without Seventeen being there and it just didn’t work as well.

Ahh. Thank you. 😭 Fox is so fun as an unreliable narrator because he’s being purposeful about what he tells people when and even what he lets himself thing about but it makes me so nervous that I’m showing too much of my hand lol.

😂😂 I’m just too obsessed with the idea of the clones being ace mostly because I’m ace and so I love the idea of a culture where being allo is met with confusion. I don’t think the Kaminoans thought about sex drive at all until the trainer pops up saying it’s a problem. They give the CCs a CT and they seem more pliable so I guess it must have worked. Meanwhile the CCs are losing their minds over having a new tubie to take care of and mother hen. The CTs on the other hand are dubious but willing to be babied bc they’ve gone from living under the threat of decom to being protected by the most feral clones they’ve ever met. 😂

Seventeen acts a lot more aggressive than he really is. He’s not against thrashing his kids to make them behave but he always does it with affection. I just love to think about like Kenobi and company realizing their commanders and troopers are actually the semi domesticated version when they start digging into things and see the kinda shit that Fox and the Corries pull off unsupervised.

That is such a perfect description. 😭 the Aureks are extremely possessive and don’t really trust each other while the CCs don’t really trust outsiders. The CTs on the other hand are comparatively easy going despite what natborns think. They see these men doing crazy things on the battle and think they’re insane but actually CTs are very affectionate and willing to adopt everyone into their found families. They’re just also more willing to listen to a no. Aureks Will Forcibly adopt anyone from the younger series and CCs will latch onto anyone and dig their teeth in until they’ve subdued their targets.

Satine is so much fun to play against Fox because they’re kind of the same subset of person but with different ideals. They both come across as very helpful and caring and it’s not that they aren’t but they aren’t altruistic—even though Satine values altruism, everything she does is to further her ideals and people so it’s not actually good for good’s sake. Satine cares about Fox’s wellbeing because she feels responsible for him and Fox cares about Satine’s wellbeing because he is responsible for her. She wouldn’t be more sad about him dying than she would any rando and he would say good riddance to her if his family could get away with it.

The clones in other battalions get to play around with their appearance at least, but Fox can’t let his Corries even do that. Too much hinges on them being interchangeable. Those with identifying scars get pulled off of Senate duty and when he got his facial scar he had a whole breakdown because it meant he couldn’t step in and pretend to the others anymore. So that means what little individuality he can give to them is extremely precious and if that’s just which pronouns and names being used, he will fight for them. If they are already too identifiable with scars, he lets them grow out their hair and dye it as long as they leave enough undyed roots so it can be shaved off in an emergency. Makeup and nail polish and accessories are shared freely and used by everyone regardless of gender identity within the barracks.

The love/violence and inaction/hate culture clash is so fun to me. Like hurting your brother so that the trainer doesn’t do it is love as far as the vode are concerned. Standing aside and not correcting a mistake is setting your brother up for a decom. Satine’s preconceived notions about war and the reasons natborns fight doesn’t fit when these are just men who aren’t allowed to anything else. Like sure they enjoy killing sometimes. They enjoy getting a job done and they’re desensitized to murder. It has nothing to do with the actual killing. Later this will be highlightened when we get to see Fox doing the bare minimum to protect a natborn compared to Rex, Cody, Wolffe, and Bly all nearly killing themselves to protect their generals. Inaction vs action is a huge thing for them. Fox quite quit his job years ago. He’s just keeping his men alive at this point. Fuck everyone else.

Fox really said if the terrorists wanted to be harder to catch that would be great actually. Oh no he’s accidentally dropping the plans to the senate dome. If he could guarantee that no one would be alive to retaliate afterwards, he’d commit a murder spree, take his troopers, and book it out of there.

#commander fox #duchess satine

[starlitheaven]

— the shortest day.

pairing: Megumi Fushiguro / Yuuji Itadori

tags: no powers au, modern au, vague narration, college-aged itafushi

word count: 5.7k+

summary: On December 22nd, Yuuji decides to capture himself spending the winter solstice with Megumi.

notes: this type of pov really kicked my ass. this was meant to be for Megumi’s birthday, and I had planned to write something for it anyway. but I got inspired by this art and wanted to go along with that.

6:32AM

It begins with white sneakers walking down a cobbled street before panning up over a mostly secluded backstreet. There’s almost no sound aside from the soft steps of sneakers against concrete before a few people on bicycles ride past with a soft fwoosh. This early in the morning, especially in December, there’s not much foot traffic. The sky appears to be cloudy as well, but shows hints of it possibly clearing up soon.

There’s a cut, and then there’s the sounds of a dog barking. The sneakers begin to jog slightly towards the sound, and then the sounds of breathing and ruffling before a murmur of a man's voice. It’s inaudible due to the ruffling, but eventually slows down and there appears a dark haired man attempting to pull a dog away. The white dog is barking up at a cat who’s perched on a fence, seemingly smug that the dog is being held back and can’t reach.

“Fushiguro!”

The dark haired man looks away from his dog, while his black dog (who hadn’t participated in the other dog’s barking) runs up and then there’s the sound of cooing and more ruffling, this time by the dog’s fur. It’s difficult to hear for a while, but then all that’s visible is the cobbled ground and the black dog’s paws in the corner.

“—doing?”

“Oh, right. I’m filming your special day,” Yuuji, who’s behind the Super 8 Film Camera, says cheerily. “Happy birthday Fushiguro!”

It pans back up to Fushiguro, who’s green eyes had lit up at the sight of Yuuji, but then immediately scowls at the sight of the camera and turns away from it to pet his dogs. He’s wearing an oversized hoodie and navy sweatpants. It’s hard to tell if he has a bedhead or if it’s his regular hair. “Get your camera awa—wait, how’d you know it was my birthday?”

Yuuji hummed, zooming in on Kuro’s head. The dog had a goofy face as he basked in his owner’s absent head pats. “Your sister messaged me. She told me about how she couldn’t fly back for your birthday, and said to make sure you have fun today.”

“Tsumiki did? She’s so annoying.”

Yuuji laughs, bright and hearty. It makes the camera shake a little, still stuck on the dog who now has his tongue out with no thoughts in his head. “She said you’d say that, y’know,” Yuuji replies, before finally zooming out back to Fushiguro. Fushiguro who was still scowling, eyes shyly averting Yuuji’s gaze at the sight of the camera. “She also said you’re a loser and probably wouldn’t even have plans today, so here I am!”

The camera cuts off when Fushiguro begins to curse excessively.

7:03AM

There’s nothing in the shot except for a bowl of omurice set on a small kitchen table. The background noise consists of a tv playing in the background and two voices speaking but not too audible. The space is very small, so everything feels too close and can easily sound jumbled on camera.

“Fushiguro can’t cook,” Yuuji says to the camera, panning closely over the simple meal. The eggs are a nice yellow and then there’s a hand reaching over to pour ketchup onto the meal. He makes a happy face. “But his omurice is pretty good.”

“I heard that.” Fushiguro deadpans in the background. There’s the sound of sizzling and a rice cooker going off.

“He’s right, kid,” a deeper voice agrees. The camera pans up to the man behind the voice. Tall and broad with a black t-shirt and black sweatpants. Fushiguro’s father, Toji, who looks just like his son. He’s leaning against the kitchen counter while spooning mouthfuls of his omurice, green eyes staring at the small tv.“That Gojo brat taught you nothing but how to mouth off. Thank your friend here for teaching you some shit, like those meatball things.”

“Thanks, sir. They’re pretty easy to make, even someone like Fushi—”

“And what did you teach me besides how to fight? They didn’t have parenting classes in prison?”

There’s a tense silence in the small apartment for a second, and Yuuji’s finger hovers over the stop button on the camcorder. He quickly pans the camera back down towards his lap, but manages to catch loud laughter and Toji affectionately ruffling his son’s hair.

The camera cuts off and only cuts back on a bit later to Yuuji’s hand petting the dogs as they longue on their dog beds. It’s hard to do with one hand, so it’s shaky, but the animal’s content expressions are captured well. Yuuji continues his petting while talking with the dogs, and they simply roll over to expose their fluffy bellies. It continues on for a bit until the two voices from earlier slowly ease into hearing range.

“—had to pick up an extra shift tonight,” Toji is saying with a sigh. “Tsumiki’s plane tickets are fucking ridiculous this time of year. Sorry, kid.”

“I get it. It’s fine.” Fushiguro replies. There’s the jingle of keys and clothes ruffling, and Yuuji’s sure even the camera can pick up that Fushiguro doesn’t think it’s fine.

The camera cuts off.

9:10AM

There’s nothing particularly interesting being shown, Yuuji is simply holding the camera and pointing it at his side. The average streets of Tokyo, busier than normal now that it’s still the morning rush and close to Christmas, so there’s more tourists. The rustle and bustle of people walking past in several directions and the occasional snippet of pop music playing outside of stores. No one is paying the camera any attention, as everyone keeps to themselves and is focused on their own destination.

Yuuji and Fushiguro’s destination happens to be Shinjuku Station, which is near the birthday boy’s tiny apartment. Fushiguro’s voice is audible, but the words are hard to make out as he’s speaking on the phone. The camera has cut in and out as he receives birthday phone calls from his “sisters” and now it’s his old guardian, but the street is so loud that Yuuji doesn’t feel the need to cut off this time.

The camera remained on the street in front of them, slightly angled down as Yuuji looked away from the viewfinder. “Was that Gojo-sensei?” Yuuji asked. “I thought he’d come see you himself. He’s so funny, always showing up everywhere.”

“You don’t have to call him that, he just thinks he’s hot shit,” Fushiguro scoffs, and the camera can probably pick up the eye roll in his tone. “He said he can’t make it…his flight got delayed by the weather in the Netherlands.”

“Oh uh—” Yuuji begins, voice sounding unsure and hesitant. The buzz of the busy street remains, uncaring of their sudden silence. “Sorry about that, Fushiguro. First your dad now Gojo-sen—Gojo…”

“Whatever, it’s fine.” Fushiguro dismisses. The loud sound of the crosswalk at the intersection and the buzz of several voices speaking at once is the only audible thing for a few seconds.

The only thing visible now is the shoes of several people walking across the intersection, packed together like sardines. It gets a little shaky as Yuuji fiddles with the camera, contemplating what he should do, becoming swayed by Fushiguro’s being clearly upset, even if he pretends not to be.

“It’s okay if it’s not fine, you know,” Yuuji murmurs, and the camera shakes slightly to the side, picking up the sound of their thick jackets ruffling as he affectionately bumps Fushiguro’s shoulder. His voice is barely audible on camera now. A little more serious and subdued.“You said you feel better after you vent to me, remember?”

“...I was drunk.”

“So? Nanamin said drunk thoughts think—wait it’s—”

“Drunk words are sober thoughts.” Fushiguro corrects before Yuuji’s brain turns to mush. The camera shakes, Yuuji’s white sneakers being the only thing shown as the two walk down the stairs to the train station. There’s the sound of several shoes going down the steps and Yuuji’s mhm mhms.

Then, they reach the bottom of the stairs and the camera comes up to focus on Fushiguro. His brows are furrowed and he’s rubbing at his shoulder the way he does when he’s unsure. His mouth opens, then closes as he directly faces the camera.

“Fine. But put the camera away.”

It cuts off once again.

9:55AM

The camera turns back on, and it’s pointed at Yuuji’s hand, who’s humming a random tune while selecting a drink from a vending machine. Once he’s selected, the camera zooms back out and pans over all the bright drinks that are displayed. It pauses over certain drinks as Yuuji reads the names to the camera and gives commentary on the ones that he’s tried.

There’s the sound of steps coming towards him and then—

“Alright, I told Toji I’d be out most of the day,” Fushiguro begins, voice coming in and out as he’s probably looking around Tokyo Station. The murmurs of the busy station aren't too audible, as there’s no one really around them by the vending machine. “Where are you taking me?”

A peach plastic bottle is being taken out of the vending machine, and the camera follows its journey until it stops at the bottom near the buttons. Yuuji's hand reaches out to take it before the camera rustles and shakes, the image swirling in several directions as he opens the bottle to take a swig.

“Chiba!” Yuuji finally replied with a sigh, relishing in the sweet drink. “We’re taking the 10:30 Keisei, so we’ll just wait here till then.”

“That’s…far,” Fushiguro says, and the camera is now pointing at his lower half. His arms are crossed over his chest, looking like the aggressive old man he’s always been. “You’re not gonna tell me where exactly?”

“Nope! It’s a surprise.”

“Alright then. Let’s go wait by those benches, sometimes cats show up there.”

The image cuts out and cuts back in at 10:13AM for only a few seconds. Yuuji has the camera towards Fushiguro, who’s crouching down to pet an orange cat. The camera zooms in to give a clear image of the soft smile on Fushiguro’s face.

10:58AM

“—nk I got it,” Fushiguro says when the camera cuts back in. It’s pointed down at his lap before it pans up ahead of him.

They’re on the Keisei bus now on the way to Chiba. The sunlight is filtering in through the windows, and the bus is driving through a bumpy road, so it’s noisy. There’s the sound of the engine running and all the bumps along the way. And, in front of Fushiguro is Yuuji, who’s standing near the plastic grab handles at the top.

The entire bus is empty save for the two of them, so Yuuji is the focal point at the center of the aisles. It’s the first shot of the cameraman, in his olive green jacket with the fuzzy hood and his black pants, grinning at the camera. Fushiguro zooms in slightly as Yuuji begins to roll his shoulders and then stretches his arms above him in preparation.

“Alright, go.” Fushiguro instructs softly.

With a charming grin, Yuuji grabs a grab handle with each hand and begins to pull up his entire body like a pull up bar at the gym. He even crosses his ankles as he does so, showing his strength by doing it so effortlessly. For a few minutes, they converse like Yuuji isn’t doing pull-ups in a moving vehicle.

Sounding completely normal and not like he’s currently pulling up his entire weight, Yuuji glances over towards the camera. “Fushiguro,” he begins, holding his weight over the handles for a few seconds.“Please tell me I look cool on camera and not like a douche.”

Without missing a beat, “Nope, you look like a complete tool. Only Todo would think you’re cool.”

Yuuji sputters at that, and he falters which causes his arms to wobble around mid pull-up. He loses his rhythm at that a second later and slips off, barely avoiding falling on his ass. He’s groaning to Fushiguro and looking like a kicked puppy, but it’s muffled by the rare sound of Fushiguro laughing.

Like him, his laugh is quiet and subdued, but it’s laughter nonetheless. It’s not even exactly at Yuuji’s expense, but a genuine laughter at how unknowingly endearing Yuuji is. It causes the camera to shake, and will later become one of Yuuji’s favorite clips of the day.

2:00PM

The camera is pointing down to Yuuji’s next meal, which happens to be a sub sandwich. It then zooms out and the restaurant comes into view, if the tiny space could even count as a restaurant.

In front of him is Fushiguro, who’s picking up some greens and rice with his chopsticks. He’s unaware of the camera, and looks content to finally eat after a two hour bus ride and walking around Onjuku. Behind him against the wall is a poster with the restaurant’s name on it.

ONJUKU STAND, it reads. The same poster that was at the front door: a painted cartoon cactus with a sombrero holding onto a cheeseburger with the ocean behind him. It’s the entire reason that Yuuji wanted to eat there, and Fushiguro didn’t care as long as he ate. Neither of them cared that the decor in the small establishment was outdated by at least a decade, not when the food and service was so good.

“It’s so quiet here,” Yuuji says after he finishes chewing a bite of his sandwich. The camera is set down at the edge of the table, facing the vertical half of Fushiguro and half of the restaurant behind him. The daylight has brightened the exposure a bit, painting the frame with a white glow. “Makes me realize just how noisy the city is.”

“You’re from Sendai though, shouldn’t you be used to this?” Fushiguro retorts with a snort, setting his chopsticks down. He looks a little bored, but his face always looks like that. Resting Bitch Face, is what Kugisaki calls it.

Yuuji’s voice sounds louder as he’s right beside the camera, and there’s some ruffling as he wipes his hands on a napkin.“Yeah, but Tokyo is that loud. It’s so overbearing, that you forget what peaceful silence even is. Even in places like Aoyama where Gojo-sensei lives, there’s so many people and it’s not the same as this.”

A waiter passes by. “Do you ever miss it?” Fushiguro asks. Even with only half of his face showing, he looks calm now that he’s ate.“You never talk about Sendai unless it’s about your grandfather.”

“Oh, definitely,” Yuuji responds without even thinking about it. “All the time. Whenever I talk to Setsuko or Takeshi, they tell me how cool it is that I live in Shibuya. They thought it was crazy when I said I didn’t wanna grow old in the city.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, do you think it’s weird too?” Yuuji responds with a thoughtful hum. Their conversation is clear, as the restaurant is quiet. They’re the only patrons after an older couple left. “Doesn’t have to be Sendai, but just not a place full of concrete, y’know?”

“I—I do,” was Fushiguro’s quiet response. He looked down at his open palm, seemingly lost in thought. “....I want the same thing, actually. Somewhere quiet and bigger, a house so I can get more animals.”

There’s a jingle heard in the distance, and the muffled voices of the restaurant owner greeting whoever came in. Yuuji pays them no mind, sounding lost in thought at this hypothetical house outside of the city. “Like rabbits or something? That’d be cool!”

“Yeah, whatever you want. I’ve always wanted some.” Fushiguro responds without thinking, and becomes aware of what he’s said immediately. But any embarrassment disappears just as fast, and he stares resolutely now.

Despite the higher exposure in the frame, and the slight distance from Fushiguro across the table, the camera perfectly captured the way his pretty green eyes looked towards Yuuji’s brown ones. Thoughtfully, with an implication hanging in the air. That whatever this is, whatever their relationship has been for several months, has a future. Their close friends don’t know what to call their relationship, and they don’t understand how serious or not they are. How could they, when Yuuji and Fushiguro don’t even call each other by their given names? But the two of them have always been on the same wavelength from the moment they met. If it makes sense to them, that’s all that matters.

Yuuji laughs, light and carefree.“Sounds good, babe. Oh, but not too far from Tokyo cause it’s the only place that has that theater that—”

“Here’s your—oh!”

Their waitress speaks before there’s the harsh clicking and heavy sounds against the mic, image distorted until the camera hits the ground and clicks off.

3:52PM

They’re at 7/11. Yuuji is filming himself getting his cup to pour himself some hot chocolate, then shows Fushiguro serving himself black coffee. His cheeks are still pink from the cold air outside, and it makes him look…pretty. Without thinking, Yuuji zooms in a little until Fushiguro abruptly turns towards the camera with a scowl.

“Get that out of my face before I knock it off your hand.”

“Whoa, so violent!”Yuuji laughed, unfazed by Fushiguro’s ire. The camera panned down towards his drink, showing how he closed the lid over the hot drink. “Gonna beat me up, you delinquent?”

“The hell—” Fushiguro groaned. A loud cheer was heard in the bathroom, probably the owner, who was in the middle of watching a basketball game on a chunky wall-mounted TV when they walked in.“How much did Tsumiki tell you?”

“Uh…now I know you threw a tantrum until Gojo let you keep the stray cat at your old apartment. Oh, and that you got in trouble for punching your dad in prison.”

The camera remained on Yuuji’s hot chocolate for a few seconds before panning back up to Fushiguro, who had remained quiet. He was looking down at his own drink with a contemplative look. Like he was realizing something in that 7-11 all the way in Chiba.

“Tsumiki really likes you…”

4:35PM

There’s several cuts of them walking towards Onjuku Beach, the beach itself up ahead, and the back of Fushiguro’s head. The reason that the clips cut in and out is that the wind is hitting harshly against the mic, so Yuuji’s narration about how the sea has calmed and looked it's best for Fushiguro’s birthday is barely audible.

It’s completely deserted considering the time of the year and the fact that the sun is going to set soon, but it only makes their two voices sound all that much clearer once the wind has settled. The crunch beneath Yuuji and Fushiguro’s sneakers as they walk through the concrete littered with grains of sand and seagulls in the background are the only sounds for some time.

It’s serene despite the cold winter weather, and the camera captures how vast the sea is ahead of them; how the sky is beginning to darken for the night, and how content Fushiguro looks. They don’t speak for a while, not until they find a good spot near the shore and settle in with their drinks and snacks. Yuuji shows him digging his and Fushiguro’s warm drinks into the sand in front of them until the sand has flattened as a makeshift surface.

Now, the camera is facing the space in between Yuuji and Fushiguro, the white sand taking up almost the entire image. While the space between the two isn’t too far, it appears wide on camera. There’s some crinkling sounds as Fushiguro takes their snacks out of his small pouch and hands Yuuji’s over to him. The camera man takes his too close to the mic with an absent thanks, and the camera almost doesn’t pick up the birthday boy’s next words.

“You…” Fushiguro begins, and the camera pans over to him. The crinkling stops. He’s looking down at his drink on the sand.“Did you bring me here…because of what I said back then?”

Yuuji chuckles, and the camera shakes as he does so.“Yup,” he confirms with a pop on the ‘p’. Maybe Yuuji is aware of it, maybe he isn’t, but the camera is perfectly angled over Fushiguro. There’s a clear shot of his open expression, and the sky and ocean behind him. “It was when we were helping Kugisaki on her first date or something?”

One day, after class, the three of them got together at Kugisaki’s insistence once her and Maki had set a time for their first date. It was the first time they had seen this unshakable woman doubt herself, as she didn’t know what to plan for this important date. Ultimately, Yuuji and Fushiguro ended up being no help, but the latter had revealed something personal to him.

Once, when he was still young, Gojo had planned a day for him and Tsumiki. To this day, Fushiguro can’t remember what the original plan even was, but the timing of it wasn’t the best. They had spent the past few days slaving over the paperwork in order for Gojo to become their legal guardian, and it required opening a lot of wounds for the two siblings. It meant Tsumiki coming to terms with the fact that her mother left her, and Fushiguro discovering that his only living family had terribly abused his father. So, once it was all done Gojo had wanted to reward the kids with a simple day trip. But, the heir was still new to the bus and the three of them had been so exhausted from the previous days that they fell asleep through the entire bus ride until they ended up at a seaside town.

It was in December, in between Gojo and Fushiguro’s birthdays, so not the best time for a beach trip. Still, Gojo has always been spontaneous (annoying) and went ahead with the trip anyway. Yuuji wasn’t aware of the details regarding this impromptu trip, but it turned out to be one of Fushiguro’s favorites. The three of them wound up making it a tradition to visit the sea in the last month of the year every year after that. This would be the first time that Gojo and Tsumiki wouldn’t be able to make it, and Yuuji had found out beforehand.

“You didn’t…” Fushiguro begins, and the camera pans down slightly to his torso as he looks bashfully aware of the camera on him. Still, he isn’t telling Yuuji to put it away yet. “You didn’t have to do all this, you know. Now I've got to find a way to outdo you for your birthday.”

The mirth in Fushiguro’s voice makes Yuuji pan the camera back up to the birthday boy before going over to the view in front of him. Nothing but the glistening sea below the reddening sky is visible now. “Hey! It’s not a competition, sheeesh. And if it was, I won anway.”

“You—”

The camera cuts off forcefully as Yuuji’s suddenly tackled to the ground by Fushiguro’s delinquent self. The cameraman's laughs are all that’s heard before it shuts.

When the camera turns back on, the sky is still red, albeit darker. Not much time has passed since their tussle, but the sun is properly setting now. The country saw less than ten hours of sunlight today, but that’s about to change as well. It’s easy to enjoy such a beautiful, cold, and seemingly dark winter day when you know that there’s something else coming. The camera facing the horizon looks like it could be dawn, and the thought of a new and brighter day reminds Yuuji of something.

“Did you know,” Yuuji begins, zooming in on the water glistening. There’s a soft glow over them, painting the image in a warm light despite the cold weather. Even so, one is still able to tell that the air is cold. “Your birthday is on the shortest day of the year?”

There’s a snort beside him, and the camera pans over to Fushiguro, who’s sipping on his coffee while looking the other way. The back of his pale neck is visible, and it appears a little red. He’s probably colder than he looks. “Yeah, people tell me all the time, dummy.”

“Really? Heh, my bad.” Yuuji chuckles sheepishly, focusing on the sunlight hitting Fushiguro. The light breeze makes him bring his warm cup closer to him, which is oddly cute. Yuuji’s voice settles, and he feels like he’s caught in a dream.“I just found out.”

It’s what prompts the next words out of his mouth. The camera suddenly pans down to the sand, as if Yuuji wants to keep what’s in front of his eyes just for himself.

“It’s the shortest day, and longest night.”The camera is still pointed at the open space between Yuuji's crossed legs, and the mic picks up the tenderness of his voice. He almost doesn’t sound like himself. He’s caught in his affection for the boy beside him. “But it brings the promise of longer days.”

It’s quiet after that, only the sounds of the waves pulling in and out, the seagulls in the distance, and the wind slightly picking up. Thankfully, not enough to distort the sound on the mic.

Then—

“My dad is the only one who tells me that,” Fushiguro confesses, and Yuuji decides to keep the camera just where it is. He thinks he should cut off when Fushiguro sounds so soft, like he’s telling an important secret. But Yuuji wants to be able to keep this moment. “When I finally opened all his letters from prison, he says it every year on my birthday. He’s far from being a poetic guy, but he tells me every year because…I guess my mom used to say that.”

“That’s—” Yuuji cuts off, unable to form a proper sentence. He internally curses at the fact that the camera picked up how his voice fumbled. “Thanks for telling me. Thanks for spending your day with me.”

By now, he thinks he knows Fushiguro. Their relationship has been mostly formal and casual, with their developments only happening within the past months. Still, he knows that Fushiguro moves slowly when it comes to opening himself up (he’s emotionally stunted). And, he appreciates Yuuji’s earnest honesty and bluntness. So, that’s why he said the most simple thing that came to mind. A time will come when they can speak more and more freely, more intimately. Fushiguro has taught a loner like him how to be patient, and he’s slowly coaxing him to express himself.

The breeze has settled, and all that’s heard is the serene sounds of the beach. There’s some birds in the distance, some rustling, then the soft sound of a peck of lips. The camera is completely black, lens pushing against the fabric of Yuuji’s coat, but the sound of a deepening kiss is still audible through the rustling. There’s a soft groan and—

“Wait—,” Fushiguro murmurs softly, voice rougher than earlier. He’s a little out of breath, too. “—is the camera still on?”

The camera shakes up, facing the ocean at an odd angle.

“Oh shit—“

The camera cuts off.

6:43PM

When the camera turns back on, it’s pointed forward from where Yuuji is seated. They’re back on the train, this time back to Tokyo. The train isn’t empty this time, and the other three patrons are visible in the frame. An old man who’s dozed off, head lolling forward. A woman and her young child, engrossed in a book that’s opened across the woman’s lap. The camera remains like that for a few seconds before it pans over to Yuuji’s side.

Beside him is Fushiguro, with Tokyo Bay right out the window. He’s asleep and leaning his head against the glass, which made one side of his headphones slide off slightly. His slender neck is now covered in Yuuji’s scarf, well, it’s a hand-me-down from Choso. The birthday boy looks peaceful and unbothered, so Yuuji zooms in slightly. His eyes gaze into the viewfinder, lingering on the way that Fushiguro’s long dark lashes brush over his high cheekbones.

A thick hand comes into view, slowly inching closer to Fushiguro’s handsome face. He gently and cautiously brings the scarf up to keep Fushiguro warm, which he almost manages to do without waking up the other. Yet, at the last second, the backs of his fingers accidentally brush against the soft pale skin.

It probably tickles, because Fushiguro’s face scrunches up before he unconsciously swats at Yuuji’s hand.

“Whuh—”

“My ba—”

The camera abruptly cuts off.

9:04PM

“—kay, sorry. But yeah, I guess my grandpa was just making it up as he went along.”

“I mean, I would’ve believed you if Tsumiki hadn’t told me. I thought Orion was just the name of that cat from that movie Gojo showed us.” Fushiguro consoled, burrowing further into Yuuji’s scarf. Despite being back in Tokyo, the background noise around them was almost nonexistent, as if the universe understood this was a soft and intimate moment that the cameraman was trying to capture.“I guess that means that…”

“Another trip?” Yuuji supplied cherrily, perfectly picking up what Fushiguro was getting at, and his grin was almost audible despite not being visible to the camera. He could pretend his excitement was for what Fushiguro was in for, and not the promise of more alone time with his…his…“Stargazing?”

“Mhm,” Fushiguro agreed with a soft smile, making a little dimple appear. His spikes were softly flopping in the wind as they began to walk up the stairs into his small apartment. He hadn’t questioned why Yuuji turned the camera back on mid-conversation to what was supposedly the end of the night. “We can go to Hokkaido or—”

There’s the jingling of his keys as he’s opening the door, and then—

“Happy birthday Fushiguro!”

“Happy birthday Megumi!”

“Happy birthday Megumi-chan!”

“Happy birthday, kid.”

All at once there’s several variations of Fushiguro’s name being shouted out, all of their guests crowding in by the Fushiguro’s tiny doorway. The birthday boy has frozen, and Yuuji is sure that his face looks hilarious, but the camera is faced at the back of his head. So, he pans the camera around him and faces it towards everyone in the small residence.

It’s all their classmates and friends, and at the center are Fushiguro’s family. Tsumiki is releasing a party popper with a cheerful smile on her pretty face, and a pink party hat perched on her head. Beside her, towering over her more like, are Gojo and Toji.

Gojo is wearing a plastic tiara and he’s attempting to wrestle the custom birthday cake out of Toji’s big hands. It appears the two have been fighting over who gets to hold it.

The camera pans down towards Yuuji’s shoes as him and Fushiguro take them off on the genkan and Kugisaki is ushering them in because they’re letting the fucking cold air in.

Yuuji hadn’t anticipated how chaotic it’d be to hold his in such a small space, so this is the messiest of his camera footage for the day. There’s a lot of rustling and noise hitting the mic as everything gets settled in.

There’s Fushiguro punching Yuuji’s arm for not letting him in on the surprise, and then Tsumiki and Gojo coming to tell the birthday boy that they faked not being able to make it for the birthday as a surprise.

Toji’s deep voice cuts in to tell his son that the luxurious cake is a gift from him, and it’s a bittersweet flavor to perfectly suit his tastes. Gojo’s quick to give a snarky retort that it was him who paid for it and Toji’s a cheap bum.

Since the camera is facing slightly down at an angle, it captures Inumaki sliding over a baggie of weed as Fushiguro’s birthday present. It also captures Fushiguro’s grateful thanks. It’s a generous amount, so Panda cuts in to say that he and Yuuta pitched in as well. Megumi had already received the electronic concert tickets for him and Yuuta when the older student comes back from his trip abroad.

Suguru’s soft voice filters in and murmurs to Fushiguro that his present to him is that he’ll get Gojo out of his house before midnight. As the two head into the kitchen to cut the cake with everyone, the twins excitedly tell Yuuji to face the camera towards Kuro and Shiro. They pull Fushiguro to show him the sweaters they custom ordered for the dogs (with Gojo’s credit card), as it’s an exact copy of one of Fushiguro’s favorite hoodies.

Kugisaki simply pulls Yuuji’s ear to make him face the coffee table, and Maki jabs a thumb to show Fushiguro the stack of books they bought for him. With their closeness, the mic picks up Maki muttering to Fushiguro that Toji’s extra shifts lately had been in order to free up the next three days. He’s taking him and Tsumiki on a trip to Okinawa.

Yuuji isn’t sure what Tsumiki and Gojo gave Fushiguro, as by the time they hand him the large gift bag, Yuuji was by the kitchen counter filming Panda taking a mug of coffee out of his pants pockets. Whatever it was, it makes Fushiguro’s cheeks redden and makes him look away bashfully. He allows the two to envelop him in a big hug, the three of them rocking back and forth.

11:11PM

The final shot is facing the mirror, right by the Fushiguro’s front door. There, on the doorway, where the small mirror was against the wall, shows Yuuji pointing the camera against his face, which is partly visible. Beside him, leaning into his shoulder, is the birthday boy. Fushiguro looks properly tired after a long day, headphones still slung over his shoulders and Gojo’s birthday hat is now on his head. The birthday boy has a rare but content smile on his face, completely lighting up the room.

Yuuji’s pride at making such an expression is visible even with half his face hidden. Who wouldn’t be? Megumi’s face is gentle right now, green eyes softened as he gazes at the mirror, at the camera and most importantly, Yuuji.

#update this kicked my ass never doing this type of pov #the narration style seemed like a good idea until I realized how hard it was to write something new on the same day I intended to post it #megumi fushiguro #itadori yuuji #yuji itadori #itafushi #megumi x yuji #yuji x megumi #jjk #Jujutsu Kaisen #fushiguro megumi #Itadori Yuji

[shinidamachu]

I need some Inuyasha as a great father (more like DILF, amirite?) headcanons, can you help me out?

I'm here to serve!

• It isn’t until they’re happily married for at least one or two years that the possibility of children are brought up.

• At first, they took that time to relearn each other, enjoy their company and make the honeymoon phase last a little long. They did spend three years apart, after all. There’s so much time to make up for, so many catching up to do before they’d even think to throw a kid into the mix. Plus, being a modern woman, Kagome would know how to avoid pregnancy the best her new circumstances allowed and how important that time alone is for a newly-married couple.

• They never actually had the child talk because Kagome just assumed that’s where their relationship would naturally lead to, given her motherly tendencies and Inuyasha’s history of ultimately giving her everything she wants. For his part, Inuyasha knew she wanted to be a mother someday and he'd be lying if he said he never indulged the fantasy of fathering her children. However, he has serious trouble wrapping his mind around the idea that, in reality, Kagome would still be up for it if he were to be the father. He could never dare to ask of her more than she has already given him. Be that as it may, it was not a big deal because it was not a dealbreaker. Nothing was.

• But with time, Kagome would have noticed how good Inuyasha is with Hisui and the Mirsan twins. How his relationship with Shippo had developed from a sibling banter to a makeshift paternal relationship. How people like Shiori and Bunza would look up to him like he was some kind of movie hero. How every kid in the village seemed to adore him despite his grumpy demeanor.

• And Inuyasha would have noticed the way Kagome would look at him whenever he so much as interacted with a child, the way her smell would spike significantly.

• She, of course, was the one to make the first move, jumping him one night, after they had spend the whole day stuck with babysitting the Mirsan children and popping the question.

• Inuyasha was relutant. There was a part of him that was adamant on making her happy and even believed having babies would make him happy too. On the other hand, he was terrified. Terrified of how her body would react to childbirth, of if her spiritual powers would accept his demonic energy. But mostly, about what would happen once the baby was born. The last thing he wanted was for Kagome to go through everything his mother had to go through. Or for another kid to face the same prejudice he did. Besides, he grew up with no father figure whose steps he could follow. He didn’t know how to be a father.

• Kagome assures him that they won’t have a baby until they’re both ready and on the same page, that they have time and that Inuyasha will be a great father.

• Inuyasha believes her.

• Then it is him felling some type of way whenever he sees Kagome around kids. And something deep inside desperately wishes to find out what would their children look like, what would it be like to hold and take care of someone born from their love.

• Finally, he caves.

• Inuyasha wants a big family, considering how lonely his childhood was. Kagome finds it pivotal for their first-born to have a sibling, since she had Sota and their relationship was one of the most important things in her life. That’s why they’d have two children minimum, preferably a boy and a girl. However, giving how dangerous and uncomfortable childbirth can be, especially without the perks the modern era provides, I don’t think they’d have more than three.

• Naturally, Inuyasha relies on Miroku for advice and the latter is more helpful than not. Except for the times Inuyasha asks or says something that makes it way too easy for Miroku to mess with him. Like the time he told Inuyasha that if he doesn’t get Kagome whatever food she craves while pregnant, the baby will be born looking exactly like that food. And Inuyasha believed him.

• And if you thought Inuyasha was protective of Kagome before... oh boy! He’d be almost overbearing, but Kagome would see it as endearing. Most of the time. Sometimes, though, a woman has got to have her privacy. He also becomes more attentive, more gentle, sweeter.

• After their first child is born, Inuyasha gets a makeover of sorts. He’s always borrowing the Fire Rat to Kagome and the baby anyway, so he figured it’d be more practical to just pass the clothes on to them already and get something new for himself.

• It’s white.

• Inuyasha becomes taller, stronger. And often lets Kagome experiment with his hair with braids, top nots... and ponytails.

• Old Myoga is the first one to notice the resemblance. And it’s true. He’s the spitting image of Toga. Former enemies and allies often mistaken him for Toga and Kagome thinks the look on their (and Inuyasha’s) face is hilarious.

• Sesshoumaru does not care for it (I stole this one from @heavenin--hell).

• Inuyasha hates his human nights even more because now his vulnerability also means he might not be able to protect his family as he usually would (Together Changed by @goshinote and @lostinfantasyworlds inspired this one). Plus, the black hair and lack of dog ears confuses the baby, who cries and fusses for a good while until realizing it is, in fact, Inuyasha holding them (this one I saw in an adorable fanart I can’t find).

• But since he needs way less sleeping than humans and he spends the New Moons up anyway, Inuyasha gets a lot of quality time with their infant at night, which allows Kagome to actually get a good night sleep unless the baby is hungry.

• The Beads of Subjugation get dooled and chewed on. A lot.

• A little contest takes place between Kagome and Inuyasha about what the first word of their first child would be, with Kagome going for “dada” and Inuyasha going for “mama.”

• Kagome wins.

• Inuyasha’s fighting style changes. He still says some snarky remarks, but now it’s more to push his opponent‘s buttons down so they would get sloppy than anything else. After all, he has a child to think about and provide for now. He doesn’t have the luxury of gambling with his life anymore. He has a home to come back to and therefore won’t be taking any chances (credit to @born-for-eachother for this one).

• And so he becomes more lethal on the battle field. Pragmatic. Objective. Calculating. Decisive. Cold blooded. Much like... Sesshomaru.

• He had never been more offended on his life than the day Sango pointed this out to him.

• When the kids grow up a bit, Inuyasha and Kagome start to tell them bedtime stories, with the PG version of the story about how the met and defeated Naraku being their favorite.

• Kagome tries to be a reliable and calm narrator while Inuyasha exaggerates the events and the voices, almost always breaking objects of their house in the process.

• After hearing one too many times about the Beads of Subjugation, their child tries to “sit” Inuyasha. Of course it doesn’t work, but he still makes a big deal out of throwing himself on the ground every time they say the word just to hear them laugh.

• The first actual toy Inuyasha buys them is a ball, just like the one he had as a kid, at the same time accomplishing a childhood wish through them and ensuring that they would always have someone to play with.

• Kagome is more protective of their physical state while Inuyasha is more protective of their emotional one (see Fist Fight by @omgitscharlie)

• Inuyasha goes to Totosai and asks him to make a weapon out of one of his fangs to each of their children once they get old enough for it. Not necessarily a sword, just something of their choice and that better fits their personality.

• He would be a just father, doing his best to show no favoritism, treat his children equally and make sure no one felt overlooked or unloved.

• But truth be told, if one of their babies turn out to be a daughter, he would definitelly let her get away with almost anything, no matter how much of a gremlin she is. Daddy’s little girl would have him wrapped around her tiny fingers.

• Life never treated Inuyasha kindly. From a very young age, it was kill or be killed. It wouldn't be too far off for him to think the exact same thing could happen with his kids, therefore he tries to prepare them, to tough them up so they can take it.

• And I believe this sentiment would be significantly amplified with a son, because it would involve the whole “suck it up”, “men don’t cry” and “man of the house” aspect of it. The “it is your duty to protect your mother and sister when I’m gone” too, especially because he couldn’t protect Izayoi himself.

• It’s “tough love”, but it’s love nonetheless. And in the right dose, which I believe Inuyasha manages to nail, it can be very important for one’s development and growth.

• But it’s hard to imagine him being as tough with a daughter. Probably because he sees so much of Kagome on her that the mere idea of seeing her cry simply breaks him.

• Kagome would actually have to step in when it comes to disciplining and saying “no”, because he simply wouldn’t have it in him to do so.

There’s actually a really nice post by @keichanz I reblogged a while ago discussing precisely that, but I can’t find it to save my life (should I start to properly tag my reblogs? No, it’s a lot of work and I’m right not to).

Anyway, that’s all I got for now.

Peace out.

#This ask was actually sitting on my inbox for... #Woof #A while now #And I wish I could say it was a big move on my part to wait and reply exactly on Father's Day #Because I'm just so cool methodic and strategic #But it was sheer dumb luck #LMAO #This was fun by the way #Send me YOURS daddyasha headcanons #Thank you for the patience and for the great ask anon #Inuyasha

[hes-writer]

Reign (3)

Summary: harry sees something he's supposed to have

Warnings:  angst in the beginning, angst in the middle, angst near the end

Word Count: 4881 words

A/N: @devilinbetweenthesheet-s : dont cheat and don’t do drugs, kids

Tarnish (1)  .  Halo (2)  . Reign (3) . Trial (4) .

Errors (5) . Ruin (6) . Crumble (7)

Error Taglist

____

A writer that cannot write is dead.

When one loses the ability to tell their stories and anecdotes through the mere action of swirling words together to create an imaginable atmosphere of real-world fantasy; they are dead. A writer recovering from the mundane and mediocre way of penning experiences to bounce back into what they used to be is difficult. It is easier to free fall and drown in the depths of despair. The moment thoughts and rumination fog up to form a blurry image of conviction is a warning sign, blaring at the back of their minds and sometimes even in their faces.

Harry is a writer--or, he was. Picking up the pen to style the words lingering in his head used to be as easy as blinking; quick and natural. Now, the words claw at the swell of his throat, trying to spit an adjective to describe the way he felt. It was at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be lathed into existence. It did not matter if his cognition was mingled with various chemicals aimed to be able to feel happiness.

He was sober but he had trouble placing his finger on why it was so strenuous to narrate his feelings throughout the breakup. Being high or drunk was never the answer for him. Weed made him tired and made him have a case of cottonmouth. Harry learned from a young age that he should only ever engage with alcohol if he was in a mindset and setting that catered to increase existing good vibes. He thought that maybe he was in an odd phase of perceiving the opposite, and so he intoxicated himself enough to understand that it didn’t matter if he was soaked head-to-toe in sobriety or whizzed out of his mind by the amber liquid swirling in the glass in his hand. But that wasn’t the circumstance. It also didn’t matter if he was grasping his favourite pen to write--because it was comfortable--or tapping his calloused thumbs against his phone keypad. Hell, it didn’t make a difference when he sat down and prepared his typewriter to indulge in a headspace of vintage songwriting. Maybe that would help.

It didn’t.

He had stories to tell. Everything was laid out in misty overcast yet Harry’s great ideas morphed into gentle mistakes, harsh mistakes and discoveries that had him almost ripping his hair out of the roots of his scalp. When he felt the wave of his ocean-thoughts rise and peek where the sand shifted, his fingers were ready to move and discern for the eyes to see. But with each fritter, he couldn’t seem to get even two paragraphs in to decide that it was utter shit.

Harry was old enough to understand that slumping on the wet sand was a part of life. Sometimes picking up a fistful of grains and throwing them back to the sea was a great way to release frustration. But it seemed like this plunge of his ability to write was a hole of quicksand. He was trying his hardest to displace himself as swiftly as possible but it only made his scenario worse. The muddy sand clung unto his legs like sticky glue, heftier with each effort to leave. He wanted to move on. He wanted to forget everything that occurred in the past four years. Harry wanted to erase Y/N from his life because she wasn’t around anymore to bring those memories back to sparkly existence.

What he needed to do was nestle himself into a certain depth, calmly, in order to pull a limb out and ensure that his progress on the so-called ‘moving on’ did not have any drawbacks. Until then, he cannot possibly create songs that he was well-known for if he wasn’t patient enough.

He wanted so badly to tell his side of the story. Harry craved to think as clearly as he did when he told Y/N about his plan for their future. Admitting to his feelings was a hard route. Sure, he can be vulnerable but it took a great deal of convincing on his part to immerse himself in the deepest parts of his brain to understand why he felt the way he did. He usually had the means of songwriting to help him out but that obviously wasn’t working out that good for him.

___

Harry was packing the rest of Y/N’s things in boxes to be picked up later in the afternoon. He was annoyed at first at how she depended on him to fold her clothes properly instead of doing the bundle of the work herself. But he guessed that she didn’t want to be around him for longer than she had to. To be frank, he also did not want to indulge in what might turn into an argument if they spoke about the reason for their breakup. It was just a bit confusing because he had an urge to still want her around despite their less than likely situation.

Torture. If Harry had one chance to describe the way he felt right now; it was torture. With every nook of Y/N’s side of the closet emptying into brown, cardboard boxes--he physically how much she had integrated her life with his. How much space she took up in his life. How his clothes and her clothes were so interchanged between them that he couldn’t decide if the gray pull-over was actually his or hers. And in a moment of selfishness did he tuck it away for his safe-keeping despite seeing the tag imprinted on the inside; a shop that he hadn’t set foot in so it was a guarantee that it was hers.

Her scent embedded in the thin threads of each fabric wafted to his nose; each with a new wave of memories engulfing his senses as if each piece garnered a specific scent tailored to a specific event. Like her sunflower sundress--it smelled of fresh flowers as if the print was a scratch and sniff that released a fragrance. Or their DIY-ed tie-dye shirt of pastel blue and cotton candy pink. It was a matching piece made out of the cheap dye and a simple white tee but it was theirs. Things like these made Harry want to yell in frustration because every time he thought that he was completely over her-- Y/N appears out of visibly nowhere and towers over him.

Seeing her for the first time in days was a breath of relief. She looked fine. Glowing even, and Harry did not know what to make of it. As sadistic as it sounded, he was expecting dry-stained tears and a birds’ nest of hair trampling her head. Instead, Y/N was dressed for comfort in her baggy jeans and an even looser sweater covering her body. Her lips were drawn in a thin line, giving him a nod in greeting as he gestured to the boxes littering the floor.

Harry offered to help--it was the least he could do. And somehow, silence protruded from the tense atmosphere, begging to be cut by a knife yielded through their voices nipping at each others’ emotions.

“Let go of my damn hand,” Y/N stated, her hard stare could turn Harry into stone. He just wanted her to listen before she left.

He shook his head in denial of her request, tightening his grip further. “No. Listen to me, Y/N,”

“What do you possibly have to say that will change anything between us?”

And maybe it was her fault for assuming that he wanted to fix things. The sliver of hope thinly dressed behind closed lids enabled her to think that maybe he was going to say that he wanted to make things work again. That he had broken up with Camille and he realized what a stupid he had done throwing away everything they built up to for the past four years for an affair that couldn’t quench the thirst of his desire to have a family.

Harry sighed, a shadow of mischievous smirk painted on his lips. But maybe it was Y/N’s sight in deception because she could never see Harry as anything other than sweet and kind Harry incapable of hurting a fly.

“What? I don’t intend to. We’re broken. We’re beyond fixing,”

The hitch in her breath was as sharp as the stare he was searing her with. Forcing her to please understand that this would be their last conversation--if time and fate were on their side. “You’re not something I would take the time to handle,”

“Stop saying shit you don’t mean, Harry” Y/N rolled her eyes in annoyance. His macho act was barely an act and more like a stage curtain easily pushed with a flick of a wrist.

“Things I don’t mean?”

“You heard me,” She crossed her arms over his chest in defence, leaning against the closed trunk. “Say what you will but our love was real. Don’t make me seem like I’m crazy. Don’t tell me that I’m a mistake,” Her voice was filled with confidence because she knew the affection that Harry diffused.

The cradles of his palm at the small of her back when they had to walk past a crowd. The subtle graze of the back of his fingers caressing the bare skin of her arm. Kisses pressed to her temple as she read a novel and swirling fingertips twirling her hair. These were acts of love that happened nearly every day in their relationship. A routine that felt different if it wasn’t done to or with each other.

Exasperatedly, Harry felt the same itching crawling up his spine. His ego ballooning into a delicate size and one more word from Y/N’s lush lips would have him on his hands and knees, begging for her back.

“This, us, was a fuckin’ mistake,” Harry’s accent thunked heavily in her cochlea, practically spitting the words out of his mouth as if they were poisonous. Ringed fingers gesticulated the space between them to emphasize how much of a misunderstanding they truly were. “I should’ve known the second things went further than planned,”

Y/N felt her heart drop to her full stomach. The feeling so nauseating that she instinctively palmed her belly over the fabric to protect her little baby from his harsh words. Even though they weren’t directed towards anyone but Y/N. She didn’t think that their unborn child deserved scrutiny from their own father.

“You don’t mean that, Harry.”

Because how could he? Not when he emulated sincerity through his syrupy voice. Not when he spent hours loving on her tummy and spoke to it like he would if she were pregnant. Especially not when every kiss from him felt like a buzz of electricity coursing through her veins because he was the main distributor of her happiness.

Harry truly was an asshole for making her hope and wonder of what the future held when he was unsure himself. He did want a family. That was a statement in all its truthfulness. What he wasn’t sure about was if he wanted a family with Y/N. He could have a family; kids of his own in his own time. But Y/N didn’t have to necessarily be the mother. So was he besotted with the concept of family and marriage regardless of who it was with?

“But I do,”

The rain started drizzling in frequent spurts, planting a fat droplet on her cheek that could be argued as a tear escaping Y/N’s eye. It hurt a lot to hear that from him. The man of her dreams blatantly denying each sugary word because his plans had changed.

“You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’

“Why are you. . .saying all these things to me? Are you trying to hurt me?” The shakiness of Y/N’s tone had Harry swallowing his words down his strep throat.

He shook his head in disagreement, “No, I’m not. ‘M just tryna make you see my side. So you can understand,” His head dipped to the side, softening his tone yet stern as though he was speaking to a child.

And that was one of the reasons why Y/N didn’t believe his all-too stoic demeanour about her. Harry was great at making others see his side regardless of how much in the wrong he was.

So why was he struggling?

___

Needless to say, he wasn’t very respectful towards Y/N any other time afterwards. He had unblocked her number months after blocking it at one point and demanded answers that he didn’t have the right to know. In retrospect, Harry was embarrassed by the way he acted. He did cheat on her and suddenly he was a saint because she moved on quicker than he thought she would? Unbelievable.

In his defence, the night he became the drunk caller was the same night he fought with Camille about having children; having a family they can call their own. Ever since that discussion did Harry notice a dispatch in their relationship. It was like they were aware of a missing link that had disappeared in their connection, but neither one of them wanted to be the one to bring it up. Harry supposed that now that Camille knew what he wanted (and vice versa)--she was feeling the pressure of giving in to him. Don’t get him wrong, Harry absolutely wanted a family and he thought that Camille was the right partner to build it with. However, he couldn’t help the voice at the back of his mind slyly whispering that he had forced her to give him what he wanted for the sake of saving their failing relationship.

___

It had been two and a half years since he mildly and miserably accepted that his dream family was being erased like a pencil on paper.

The first year; Harry still clung to the obscure hope that Camille might change her mind of having kids. Many fights sprouted between the two of them concluding in them sleeping at different places for weeks on end until they eventually crawled back to each other like an invisible string. The second-year; Harry brought up the idea of adoption. It was a hard choice for him as he desperately wanted kids of his own. A boy that looked like him and his love or a little girl that smiled at him with deep dimples mirroring his own.

And Harry liked to think that he was just on the edge of convincing Camille to consider the option when his tour was scheduled a few months after. A new dealbreaker was that Harry wasn’t going to be around much to watch and nurture the little bub they might’ve adopted. It was a sudden intrusion to think about since Harry was good with kids. He knew that. That was why he had three godchildren of his own. But what hit him the most was how sure Camille sounded when she yelled at him about leaving for months at a time and returning for a bit, only to leave again. Now, Harry hadn’t considered that part. But surely he will be ready to choose between a family and his career, right? When the time comes, he thought.

___

It pained Harry to admit that his relationship with Camille was dwindling down the drain. The knowledge that there was no future--the one that Harry envisioned--for them was getting more and more real each passing day. 

A late-night grocery trip was one of the many examples that had Harry rethinking his actions for the past couple of years. It was the time period where night owls arose and barely any customers littered the aisles. Still, Harry made sure to keep his hoodie up to shield his face.

Camille had an early flight to Milan in just a few hours later that day and she wanted to purchase some things to bring with her; in case they weren’t available in the country. So here they were at three in the morning.

As Camille walked ahead of him in her sweatpants and a plain tee, Harry couldn’t help but let his eyes flicker to the clothing section to his right The first-floor space was decorated with pastel blues and pinks; a stroller was displayed with a price would not make a dent in Harry’s bank account.

“‘M just gonna grab somethin’ over here, Cam,” Harry muttered as he pointed a thumb behind him. She nodded, “Meet me at the produce? Need to get you some fruits,”

Harry felt guilt thudding his chest because although he was losing feelings he thought were written in stone, Camille appeared to care for him the same way she always had.

He walked to the brightly lit area, puffing his cheek as a cute onesie caught his eye, “You’re so golden” with the word ‘golden’ printed in a shiny, yellow glimmer. He smiled at the thought of baby angel cooing at him as he tickled her tummy. Harry passed by the shoes next, picking up a pair barely the size of his palm. His mind flashed back to a conversation with Y/N years ago,

___

“I’m just saying,” Y/N took a bite of a pickle she held on her left hand, “Baby shoes have no business being that expensive,”

Harry chuckled from his place across the counter, “Babies need shoes too, love,’

She grabbed her fork and stabbed a piece of strawberry from her bowl, “I didn’t say the don’t need shoes. For tiny things, they could at least be a bit cheaper,”

Harry watched as she munched on a pickle on her left and took a bite of a strawberry on the other. His tongue poked out in a gag at the odd combination, resorting in glare and a huff from Y/N.

“You should try it instead of judging me,’

“No, thank you. Watching you eat it is enough for me,’

___

Harry craned his head at each aisle, hoping to find Camille and to distract himself from the endless Y/N related thoughts that somehow returned to his brain. He needed his girlfriend to remind him that he cannot just knock on Y/N’s door and ask her about the baby she has. If he could hold them for a bit because his baby fever was through the roof.

Locating the produce section, Harry whistled mindlessly as he searched for a blonde head of hair, failing to notice that there was a basket in front of his feet. He had kicked it, jolting him out of his thoughts in a hurry.

A man with brown hair sporting an outfit similar to his (sweats and a hoodie), chuckled at him as Harry leaned down to retrieve the gray basket filled with a jar of pickles.

“Sorry man,” Harry muttered, holding the handles up for the man to carry.

“It’s alright, it happens,” The guy had not seen his face yet, too busy inspecting the carton of strawberries.

He decided to continue the conversation, “Strawberries and pickles? Odd combo, huh,” Harry was briefly reminded of Y/N’s obsession with the two rival products.

“Yeah, m’lady loves ‘em. Had a craving in the middle of the night. She’s in the car right now with our lil bubba,”

Harry’s heart fluttered at the mention of a baby. He needed to get his rails in check. He cannot keep having his heart bursting with adoration at the mere mention of a baby.

“I’m Connor,” He said, finally facing Harry after choosing the best carton.

“I'm--,”

“Harry!” Both men turned their heads towards Camille carrying a basket full fruits and green veggies, “Got you some stuff to blend for your smoothies,”

Connor squinted his eyes at the couple and Harry internally screamed because he knew that he and Camille had been recognized. “Harry. Yeah, I know you,” The sudden hostility made Harry confused as Connor grasped his basket from him in a harsh manner, heading towards the checkout.

The rest of the time inside the store was filled with curiosities as Harry carried the paper bags towards the car, barely recognizing Connor’s figure heading towards his own vehicle. Luckily, Harry has parked only a few slots away and could inconspicuously watch Connor and his so-called ‘lady’.

Except, Camille was ushering him to hurry up as she still had a few things to pack at home.

___

On most days, Harry was used to waking up alone. Used to feeling the shiver crawling up his side, used to seeing the indent left by Camille’s body instead of her. He had grown familiar with the sudden cast of loneliness blanketing him thicker than the duvet on top of his body.

The early morning trip to the store had tired him out, paired with the overthinking of the man named ‘Connor’ that flipped his attitude towards him quicker than he could kick the grey basket with his feet. He flopped back to the mattress after washing his face and brushing his teeth. It was noon when he jolted out of bed again at the sound of his front door opening, voices filling the empty space that had Harry running towards the foyer in case there was an intruder.

His tense shoulders sagged in relief when he caught sight of his mum and Gemma, “Oh, s’just you guys,”

Both women looked up at him at the top of the stairs, “You forgot we were coming over for the weekend, didn’t you?” Gemma teased as she headed to the living room. Harry followed, walking down the stairs.

He scratched the nape of his neck nervously, “No. . . “

“Can you help me reach this, H?” Anne called out from the kitchen.

His mum gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Yes, you did, by the way. Slept through the whole morning. Good thing Camille let us in before she left,”

At the sound of a bag crumpling and squeals echoing the hollow house, Harry scrunched his nose in curiosity, briskly walking where Gemm was currently holding up tiny baby clothes in front of her. “Who’s that for?” He thought of any possible friends that had had a baby recently but couldn’t recall any.

She immediately stuffed the clothing into the bag, nervously placing a hand on her chest, “Gosh, Harry, you scared me,” Her brows went high on her forehead in alarm, sharing a look with her mum trailing behind Harry.

“Well? Did I miss something?”

“Oh, it’s for one of my friends,”

Harry contemplated on his next words, “D-did you know that Y/N had a baby?” It couldn’t be right if his sister and mum knew about his exes baby and not him, right? That’s just plain odd to still be in touch with an ex's family. His brows furrowed in suspicion as both of them declined his question.

“What? Nooo,”

Awkward silence filtered through the air as Anne sipped water from her mug and Harry was slowly putting the pieces together. Gemme dove to the centre of the couch where her phone was when it rang suddenly, surprising all three of them. Harry was quicker, eyeing his mum and sister and inspecting the emoji substituting as a name before sliding his thumb to answer it.

"Hey, Gems! Are you coming to the park? We're waiting for you,”

Harry felt his heart drop to his stomach just as the phone nearly slipped from his clutch. That voice. He could recognize it from everywhere having spent nearly every morning for the four years that they were together hearing it lulling him out of sleep. It was Y/N’s voice calling his sister who was looking extremely anxious.

He tapped on the ‘mute’ button, “What does she mean ‘we’?”

“Nothing! Give me my phone back,” Gemma tried to reach for the device but Harry held it high beyond her reach.

“I saw the picture you sent me. I told you that you and Anne didn’t have to get me anything,” Harry felt dizzy. “Connor and I got some things a few weeks ago. But that skirt is so adorable!”

One part of him was glad to hear her voice. In fact, Harry found himself smiling too, despite what he just heard. Connor. “Harry, won’t be there right? Hello? Have I been talking to myself this whole time,” Y/N laughed a little; she had a habit of talking endlessly when she was excited. It made Harry more sombre, letting his guards down and his arm in reach for Gemma to grasp.

“Hey! I'm just organizing the clothes, see you soon!" Gemma jammed her finger on the red end call, anxiously glancing at her brother, piecing everything together.

“Who's Connor?" Could it be that the Connor he met last night was the same as Y/N’s? The one who bought pickles and strawberries--one of Y/N favourite food combinations? He mentioned that he had a little girl and Y/N just called to meet his sister and his mum at the park. And baby clothes?

Anne and Gemma looked at each other, quickly deciding that for the benefit of Harry that they should tell him at least a little bit. He was looking as if he was going insane, especially with his bed head pointing his hair out in different directions.

“He’s Y/N’s partner”

Harry gulped, reeling his thoughts to a halt, “Partner? And the baby is...?” The last bit of confirmation was all he needed to lash his feelings out.

“Is... waiting for us at the park! Sorry H gotta go,” Gemma was swift enough to gather all the bags without having Harry chase after her. His state of confusion and shock was enough to render him partially speechless and immobile.

“Hey wait!”

Anne garnered his attention, “Oh, Mrs. Q from next door wants me over for dinner. I’m sure wants to see us both. Why don’t you get ready, Harry?” Anne tugged his arm in the direction of the staircase pushing him to stumble up a couple of steps.

Harry was confused. He made the sounds of his footsteps creeping up the wooden stairs, hearing his mum quietly talking to Gemma on the phone, “Elmsway Park, you said? How long till you're home? I’m not sure how long I can keep him occupied,”

With that being said, Harry was out of his house, silently unlocking and locking the door. He was dressed in some basketball shorts and a graphic tee, slipping on the first pair of sneakers he had tossed aside. Harry jogged to his car, typing in the name of the park on his phones’ GPS. The route was only a few minutes away so he decided to take his time, gathering his scattered thoughts along the way.

He parked just beside the playground scouting the trees around the premises. Harry decided that it was the perfect day. The sun was out. It wasn’t too humid and the birds were chirping on the branches. He could see why the playground was full of children running around in delight. The green patches of grass were partially filled with picnic blankets and food to be shared. Families laughed with each other as one in particular caught his eye.

It made him smile at first, seeing just how adorable the couple was with their baby. He exited the car, making sure to lock the vehicle. With his hands jammed deep in the pockets of his shorts, Harry could feel the tethered grass rubbing against his legs. As he got closer, he couldn’t help the twinge of familiarity spark in his chest, recognizing that what he was staring at was Connor playfully chasing a little girl of about two-years-old as she squealed at how close he was getting to tagging her.

Harry stood by a tree, shielding him away from view. He tried to appear invisible without seeming too creepy. He knew that it was only a matter of seconds before his eyes found the woman he had been missing, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

Connor picked up the little girl in his arms, dotting pecks all over the girls’ cheeks, causing her to giggle and push his face away with a tiny palm. And there she was standing outside the raised platform of the playground, coming up to the both of them with a juice box in hand to hydrate the little angel. Connor turned his attention to Y/N, planting the most adoring kiss on her lips that made her smile so wide and the baby cover her eyes. They laughed together, looking like a picture-perfect family.

Gemma sat on the bench, flickering her gaze to the precious family in front of her and to the figure of her brother walking away from the scene. Her heart broke for Harry, and it cracked, even more, when he turned back. This time, watching Connor and Y/N cheer on baby angel to go down the slide. Both of them clapped their hands in enthusiasm as the girl hesitantly slid down the plastic slide. The smile on her face was infectious.

It almost made Harry smile, too.

___

Let us know what you thought!

Trial aka pt 4 is already up on Patreon! (link in bio)

___

Permanent Taglist: @splendidsunsetx @swagmoneymaya @textingharry @arypesanchez @theresthingsthatwellneverknow @mellamolayla

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles drabble #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst

[lovelivingmydreams]

Paper Flowers: The Prince’s Enemy

You liked it so I made more of it!

Part 1 over here. Enjoy!

You sit in your room relaxing before dinner. Homework’s done and social media isn’t going to check in on itself. You are replying to a post one of your friends placed on their wall when a notification pops up. ‘Thomas Sanders just posted a new video’.

You smile as you finish your message and click the notification. Thomas is one of your favorite creators. And it’s insane what he can do in six seconds.

The first thing you notice is that it is a return of the prince character. It makes you smile.

Who doesn’t love a real life Disney prince?

“Stop you fiend!” the prince declares, standing in what looks like an old concrete building, which probably was meant to create the illusion of an old fortress.

Then the angle shifts and… Wait that’s not one of Thomas’ friends playing a villain. That’s Thomas wearing a black hoodie with the hood up to mimic a cloak and black eye shadow to make him look more threatening. Which is a tall order for the human cinnamon bun.

“Prince Dude! My arch nemesis!” villain Thomas growls.

Then the prince comes back into view. He looks shocked.

“Wait…” he dramatically brings a hand to his chest. “I’m your arch nemesis?” he asks... Why does he sound so emotional?

Villain Thomas comes back into view and looks… Flustered? What?

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to assume…”

Wait. This is… This is like someone calling their SO boyfriend or girlfriend for the first time. OMG this is the cutest!

“No!” Prince rushes as he comes back into view. “I just didn’t…” he sighs and shakes his head. “Shall we?” He asks as he raises his sword ready to continue their battle.

Villain Thomas comes back into view and smirks as he raises his own weapon and nods.

“Prepare to die!” He declares letting out a battle cry. The camera shows Prince again who lets out a war cry of his own, charging in.

And that’s the end. You smile to yourself as you leave a like. You’re curious what other fanders think of this new character. Will he ever come back? You hope so.

“Roman it’s so nice of you to include Anxiety in the fun!” Patton cheered when he found out about the new villain character.

Virgil rolled his eyes. Of course Princey was getting praised. Not that it would occur to Patton how hard it’d been for Virgil to agree to let Thomas use his aesthetic, his identity, to create a new character. Or that his heart was racing at the thought of how much the fans would probably hate it.

“Think nothing of it Patton. I merely had the idea for a nemesis, and figured that if Thomas played the character himself it would minimize speculation of the fans on any hidden meaning behind the skits. They are almost more eager to see Thomas find a partner than I am, and none of our friends need that kind of attention on them. So when it came to picking out a look, Anxiety’s… Style, seemed fitting. That’s all,” Roman explained, surprising Virgil.

Roman was passing up on the chance to bask in the praise? Praise he deserved, maybe… A little. Virgil knew that this whole thing was an olive branch from the Prince to him.

And honestly it was kind of a fun skit. Thomas had a lot of fun making it… But here Roman was, downplaying his good intentions and how thoughtful he’d been about it. He’d asked Virgil’s permission to do this. He never asked Logan or Patton to use their looks for the dad or the teacher character.

“Speaking off the raisin cookie… Anxiety!” Roman called. Virgil looked up from where he was sulking against the kitchen counter.

“What?” he scowled.

“I have a few more skit ideas you’ll probably want to criticize. Let’s get that over with shall we?” Roman suggested casually as he headed to his room.

Virgil made a point to sigh and roll his eyes in annoyance, grumbling under his breath as he usually would. Patton might not pay enough attention to him to notice anything amiss, but Virgil was pretty sure Logan would ask questions if the two of them started to act too different.

He entered the fanciful side’s room and took a look around. It was a nice place honestly. Both similar and opposite to his room somehow.

“Soooo… How did you like the skit?” Roman asked eagerly.

Virgil shrugged. “It was alright. Thomas really enjoyed it,” he allowed.

Roman grinned, happy he got some sort of positive feedback from the usually more sullen side.

“And um… It was really cool of you… What you said to Patton. You didn’t have to. You deserved some sort of, like, praise I guess, even if he didn’t know the real reason why you did,” Virgil muttered then.

Roman’s eyes widened. Did Anxiety just… Praise him? He hadn’t expected that. He’d corrected Patton because he didn’t want Anxiety to think that he was using their truce to earn extra brownie points with the fatherly side.

“Thank you Anxiety,” Roman bowed.

“Don’t mention it,” Virgil shrugged awkwardly.

There was a silence. Neither knew for sure how to continue from this point. Their interactions usually ended with one of them storming out of the room.

“Um… Want to watch some tv until Thomas checks up on the comments?” Roman suggested.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Virgil nodded.

Roman gestured to the couch and they sat down as far away from each other as possible.

Virgil chuckled as he realized Roman had put on Avatar.

“Is there a problem? Mr. moodbender?” Roman asked tensely. Clearly ready to call of the truce if Virgil criticized the show.

The anxious man shook his head. “No. Just surprised you’re not putting on Disney,”

Roman rolled his eyes. “I can love things that aren’t Disney, scorned king,” he huffed.

Virgil nodded, Princey had a point.

They both mouthed along to the opening narration and smirked at each other while the intro music played.

“So… What other things do you like Princey?” Virgil started casually.

Roman blinked in surprise, happy surprise that is. Anxiety was clearly making an effort, showing interest in making this truce evolve to a friendship. It was nice, to know that he was not the only one invested in this.

“Well it should come as no surprise to you that I adore all things musical.”

Virgil looked around to all the playbills and smirked. “I would’ve never guessed,” he teased getting a pillow to the face, though it was clearly in good humor.

“Sush!” Roman chuckled.

“Anyway. As I was saying…” Roman proceeded to talk about his favorite artists, some of which Virgil admitted to liking as well and Virgil, in return talked about his favorites as well.

“Oh wait…” Virgil suddenly interrupted as his attention was caught by the screen. Momo had entered the story.

“This is the part where I got respect for this show,” Virgil divulged.

“Why’s that?” Roman wondered.

“Well, on the one hand you have the first time you realize that Zuko isn’t bad. Cause he spares the commanders life. And on the other, the show literally looked at their demographic and said: you kids can handle some genocide. Here is an actual body, confirmed to belong to a character our protagonist cared about,” Virgil explained. “They don’t look down on the kids that watch the show. And they made that clear, very fast. I respect that.”

Roman thought about that, and he could see Anxiety’s point.

“Yes, I suppose they didn’t hide their vision for the show at all,” he nodded.

They continued watching the episode in comfortable silence, both silently noting that they’d moved closer together during their conversation, now only leaving enough distance for both of them to still keep their personal bubble intact.

“I guess it’s been an hour now…” Virgil muttered as the end credits played. Roman nodded as he paused the tv. Thomas would soon give in and see if anyone had reacted to his recent post.

“It’ll be alright. Worst case scenario, they don’t like it and we don’t bring the character back,” Roman assured the younger aspect. “I’d be a little disappointed, because I have tons of ideas for your character. But we’ll think of something else,” he assured Virgil, not willing to give up on his plan to make Anxiety feel more wanted in some way because of one hypothetical set back.

“What if people stop following Thomas because…”

“Anxiety, we’ve posted videos of much lower quality than this one and they didn’t make people run for the hills,” Roman countered.

Virgil nodded but curled in on himself anyway. Roman sighed.

“Things are as they are, we can’t change them now so we might as well face the music. Alright?”

Virgil took in a deep breath and nodded. That made sense.

“Okay. Let's do this,” he sighed.

Roman smiled and nodded as they watched Tomas ‘casually’ check notifications.

Oh no, Virgil thought as he could feel the way Thomas' heart skipped a beat when he saw all the likes and shares popping up.

“Comments!!!” Roman cheered.

And indeed. The Fanders had left several comments already. Some keyboardsmashes, some big eyed or hearteyed emoji's. Some one word exclamations like ‘Adorable’, ‘wholesome’ and even ‘perfection’.

Virgil couldn't help smiling as Thomas' excitement grew. He was about to be outed, he knew it.

But he didn't care that much right now.

Because someone demanded Thomas make more vines with his villain character. And another joked that they should call Disney because they found the new big hit Disney Channel show.

He couldn't stop himself from letting out a soft sound of excitement as he played with the sleeves of his hoodie to release some energy. He wanted to jump up and down and scream, Thomas was so happy.

“By Hermes' Sandals! Anxiety! Your eyeshadow!” Roman exclaimed. He'd heard his fellow side’s uncontainable  excitement and had looked up, unable to pass up the chance to see the closed off side smile. He had not been ready for this. The layer of white foundation seemed to be less thick revealing it was hiding freckles underneath. That was not the most important part though. The usually black, smudged eyeshadow was brilliant and sparkly and a royal purple.

Anxiety blushed upon being caught but didn’t really stop smiling.

“Yeah, that happens when Thomas gets really excited. Don't make it a big deal,” he shrugged. Roman nodded, understanding that Anxiety meant to ask him not to mention it to the others.

He felt a sense of accomplishment well up inside him. Surely Anxiety had known there was a good chance Thomas would get excited upon seeing the responses to the skit. If he wanted it to be a secret he could've excused himself and hid in his room until the effect wore off. But he hadn't. He'd stayed and taken the risk of being seen. Roman wondered what he’d said or done to make the hooded man want to open up like that. Maybe he’ll ask, some other time.

“Anyway, good job Roman. Seems you’re stuck with me,” Virgil winked as he got up, pulling his hood over his face so he could hide his state until he got to his room.

“Princey , is stuck with the hooded fiend,” Roman corrected. “but I don’t think he minds. And neither do I,” he added while he basked in the glow of the complement.

Virgil felt his smile widen just a bit as he saw how happy Roman was with all this.

Once you gave him a chance he wasn't that annoying.

Virgil had found himself going from wanting someone to not hate him, to wanting Roman to like him over the course of their conversation. Their truce had been tense and awkward up until now. But even so, it had been going surprisingly well. Virgil could tell Roman was looking out for him. By distracting the others when Virgil felt cornered by example. And Virgil had tried to help Princey out as well. Making him go to bed, trying to push Thomas towards creating more content and trying his hardest not to be too, well, mean about actually posting it. And when he sensed Roman was getting overwhelmed by the spotlight he took the attention away from him too.

And now he had shown Roman that he was right. There was more to him than just anxiety. Sometimes he was bright, bouncy and sparkling excitement.

“It suits you by the way,” Roman added, janking Virgil back to the present.

Virgil froze for a second finding he had his hand on the door handle. “Um… thanks, see ya later,” he muttered before rushing out.

He was about to enter his room when he heard someone else call out to him.

“Anxiety kiddo, are you and Roman finished?” The question was friendly enough in and of itself, but as always Patton sounded tense when talking to him which set Virgil on edge. He wasn't that scary right? What did he do to make Patton so scared to be around him?

Sure he was trying to make them keep some distance. But he was going for cautious, not this.

He didn't know what he'd done and he wasn't willing to risk repeating it, so he kept was careful about keeping enough distance between himself and the resident dad as a rule. Now he had an extra reason though.

Virgil nodded, not looking up. Patton's precense might make him nervous in a less fun way, but a comment that called his character adorable flashed through his mind and set loose another swarm of butterflies. Easily overpowering the unease in the hallway. He was definitely still sparkly.

And if Patton saw, he'd ask about it. And Virgil would have to explain, trapping both of them in this conversation far longer than either wanted. Worse what if seeing evidence of a less broody side of him made Patton feel like he had to make an effort? He'd already managed to make Princey feel like he had to be kind to him. And sure that might be turning into something genuine, but that didn't mean things would work out so well for the others.

Another door opened. “Padre! There you are! I was just about to come looking for you. I had the most marvelous idea!” Virgil chanced a glance at the hallway and saw Roman drag a surprised Patton into his room. The prince locked eyes with him for a second and gave him a reassuring smile and a wink.

Virgil nodded, sending Roman a grateful half-smile, before entering his room.

Virgil had spent mostly all of Thomas' happiest moments in his room. Partly to hide his secret, first from J and Rem who'd probably tease him about it, and now from  Thomas' golden three who would never take him serious again if they knew. Or well, two of them, Roman knew now…

Anyway, there was another reason. His room was very nice to be in when excitement dominated Virgil's functions.

It was the same, but lighter. The curtains were open, the clock was no longer a maddening reminder of the never ceasing passage of time, and the spider webs sparkled with dewdrops. Virgil took in a deep breath, even the air was more breathable.

What was it he wanted to scream about again?

Right.

He let himself belly flop onto his bed and screamed.

The fanders liked it! And more importantly, Roman might actually be his fried now. He could relate to the villain character right now. Were they friends? They had each other’s back, had bonded over common interests, shared a secret…

Would Roman consider them friends?

Maybe he was getting ahead of himself due to the butterflies. But it was definitely going that way.

Virgil turned around in his bed and looked up at the ceiling with a smile.

This was different than with Janus and Remus. They’d grown up together, they had to tolerate each other. But this was… Some sort of proof that he was likable. Roman didn’t have to hang out with him. He’d seen something in him and chosen to give him a chance.

He didn’t have to complement him, but he did and he didn’t turn it on himself right away as he tended to do.

Remus and Janus were… They just tended to trigger him more often than not. Not on purpose, he knew that, but he’d started having his meals upstairs for a reason.

He shook of that thought. It wasn’t important, he’d catch up with them later today or something. He was sure they’d have some things to say about the video. Maybe some of them would even be genuinely nice.

He smiled to himself. Look at him being optimistic.

Chapter 3: Green eyed jealousy

He was curious though, what he’d find around the river bend.

@selenechris

#Sanders Sides #ts sides #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Prinxiety #Platonic or romantic #Paper Flowers #au #fic

[kingstylesdaily]

Harry Styles’ “Adore You” Is Everything a Music Video Should Be (Including Underappreciated by The VMAs)

KSD NOTE: there is a mention of suicide in regards to the beginning of Adore You.

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lost were a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stone profile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing phased them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually.

Source: Decider.com

#kingstylesdaily #Harry Styles #hs: news #hs: adore you #August 2020 #Decider

[hlupdate]

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lostwere a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stoneprofile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing fazed them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually.

#harry styles #articles #270820 #tw suicide mention

[stylesnews]

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lost were a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stone profile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing fazed them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually. 

#harry styles #aug20 #adore you #decider #suicide tw

[luna-loner]

Kanzaki Yukiko Character Analysis

So yesterday, I saw @nuggxxt's post asking if anyone's done an analysis on their favorite characters. I've done one myself for Kanzaki, but never actually wrote it here. Then, I had a dream that I made an analysis here....guess that means subconsciously, I want to share my analysis. (Plus more Kanzaki content, yay!) 

Okay, I'll make that dream come true.

Note: Very long post. (Because once I start talking about best girl, I can’t seem to stop)

Kanzaki Yukiko

Words fail to express how much I love this girl,so I’ll settle with a simple *chef’s kiss*

What’s intriguing is that in Episode 7, we actually get two Kanzakis:

When we first got to meet Yukiko, we met the graceful and elegant class idol who has most boys fawning over her. A very kind and seemingly perfect girl.

But later in the episode, we see another, contrasting side: A rebellious gamer girl, albeit, in flashbacks only. Here, we realize that there’s more to Yukiko than meets the idea.

So the question on my mind was: Who’s the real Kanzaki Yukiko?

It was just one question that got me breaking down her character, scavenging for the tiniest of details, all just to get to know this girl.

Background:

Yukiko comes from a conservative and high class family. She had a strict upbringing coupled with countless expectations from her lawyer father. 

We should note the kind of relationships she shares with her family members. Her older brother is kind to her, her grandmother was the one who introduced her to video games, and relationship with her mother is unknown. (In fact, barely anything is mentioned about her mother other than the fact she works at her husband’s law firm). 

So really, she only has a terrible relationship with her father.

At some point in her life, Yukiko’s grandmother fell ill and Yukiko was the one who tended to her until the end, and because of the grateful look she received from her, Yukiko became aspired to be nurse for the elderly.

However, her father had other plans for her. He wanted her to excel at school and earn a prestigious title. He actually wanted her to follow in his footsteps and become a lawyer. And since frivolity was frowned upon in their society, she had to hide her gamer side as it wasn’t suitable for a girl of her status. 

In her second year, she was unable to handle the pressure anymore. She wanted to run away from it all and be her own person, so what does she do?

She changes her appearance and frequently visits arcades with complete disregard for her studies. That eventually landed her in E Class, and Yukiko does regret her actions, and rightfully so because, while reason for her rebellion is understandable, neglecting your studies is irresponsible. 

Generally, Yukiko is responsible, and a good example of that would be when she tended to her sick grandmother (presumably by herself). However, at the end of the day, she’s still young and bound to make mistakes. Ryuki mentioned that the photo he had of Yukiko is from last summer, meaning Yukiko was still 13 at the time (She was born in March, making her  one of the youngest in class).

After landing in E Class, she starts attending to her studies again and although she and rest of her class fail to reach the top 50 in the first trimester midterms, she is ranked 85th place, which is actually a good grade and would place her in C Class. (Each main campus class has 40 students, so the first 120 students are A, B, and C Class combined)

Also, she is among the best 5 in class on the girls’ side, right after Kataoka. Kayano and Korosensei mentioned how she is diligent and that’s demonstrated when puts together an itinerary all by herself and researches Gion.   

As she narrates her story to Kayano, we see the regret painted all over her face. At this point, she’s lost all hope, even saying she doesn’t know where she belongs anymore.

“Be they in a clear stream or a muddy river, the fish who swim forward turn out the finest.” (Note: This is the actual quote from the sub)

Korosensei’s words were what Yukiko needed to break away from her guilt and depression. They made her realize that it doesn’t matter what happened in the past; what’s important is to keep on moving forward, and that’s exactly what she does later on in the series. 

Post-Kyoto

For most part, Post-Kyoto Kanzaki remains the same, expect for a few things.

For starters, she is much more confident in herself and no longer cares what others think. She also gains the confidence to stand up to her father by flipping him off and stating she will become a nurse rather than a lawyer. 

Her gamer side becomes public knowledge to the class. First, we see her happily playing in front of her friends in Episode 8. Next, Takebayashi gives her the code name “Mistress/Grandmaster Kanzaki” (Which according to @ansatsu-database​, is a reference to the famous gamer, Toshiyuki Takahashi.) Also, during the Civil War, Chiba remarks how she is a champion in an online war game. 

So, yeah, Yukiko grows much more comfortable in her own skin. We also see her grow stronger as demonstrated when she stood up to Takaoka even though she had seen how violent he truly is. We also saw how deadly she can be such as when she elegantly held up a pencil to Ren’s eye, and in both scenarios, she does it with an elegant smile.

My own thoughts:

Okay we are no longer in canon territory. Here, I’ll be talking about some of my theories and interpretations:

The first is Yukiko’s fashion style. When I first saw her gamer look, it made me wonder which kind of clothes is Yukiko truly comfortable in.

Looking back, that was a stupid question because the goddamn answer was in the roll book!

Irina notes how Yukiko is conscious about dressing up modestly and her tights are an essential part of her attire, be it her school uniform (Both winter and summer) or her street clothes.

Heck, in the first episode of season 2, Rio tells Irina if she wants to attract Karasuma, she needs to more “neatly dressed” just like Yukiko. 

So, why would she dress drastically different from her usual, neat style?

Here’s my theory, and it has to do with her line “I don’t know where I belong anymore”

Gamer girls have it rough. Everyone has their own idea of how a gamer girl “should be like”...how they should act...how they should look like....and if a girl doesn’t mean this criteria, then she’s simply not a  “real” gamer.

Yukiko, with her girly style and elegant demeanor would be considered the furthest thing from a “real” gamer. She probably felt the need to change her appearance (Maybe her personality as well, given that uncharacteristically hard look we saw on Ryuki’s phone) o fit into the gaming community. Plus, she wanted to run away from her prestigious lifestyle so by dressing differently, it was like she was separating herself from her family.  

Remember, Yukiko does mature after Kyoto, and she becomes more assertive (Even if it’s not shown that much), if she can flip off her strict father and no longer care about how others view her, then she can dress in whatever style she wants.

But she doesn’t, she still dresses elegantly and modestly. In fact, she doesn’t even bother changing her style anymore when she hits the arcades:

She no longer feels the need to fit others’ idea of what a gamer girl should be. She’s a gamer girl no matter how she acts or dresses, and if someone’s got a problem with that....well, they can always step in ring against her.

Honestly, I feel like there’s a tendency to understatement her due to her soft, gentle appearance. I imagine she likes this since this gives her the element of surprise. Remember the Civil War? No one expected her of all people to score three kills, even being the first on Blue team to do so.

In the roll book, Karma feels like Yukiko is very confident in her gaming prowess, to the point, she feels like she’s better than everyone else. I’m not sure if it’s just Karma, or if Yukiko really is that confident (Maybe to the point of being consider arrogant?), but I think the latter is possible. Maybe she got a little too confident?

Conclusion:

Between the elegant class idol and the rebellious gamer girl, I feel like Kanzaki Yukiko is somewhere in between, though she seems to lean more towards the former.

She is the sweet girl we met early in Episode 7, but by no means does that make her weak. She’s mostly quiet, but can stand up to herself. She’s kind and compassionate, but can be deadly when she wants to be. But most importantly, she’s confident in herself and doesn’t care what others think.  

***

Honestly, I feel like I got carried away, but it can’t be helped, I just love this girl to death <3

Also, this is actually my first time doing a character analysis, so...I’m not sure if everything I mentioned was necessary. There were more things I wanted to talk about, but I wasn’t sure how relevant they are. Maybe it’s probably a good thing I didn’t put them because this is by far, the longest post I’ve ever written.

#assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #kanzaki yukiko #yukiko kanzaki

[hs-writing]

102

Note: I wrote this in 2015, based off of the song 102 by the 1975

Warning: Smut

Words: 2k

(him)

This was normal for us, sitting here at the common under the dimly lit street light. I couldn’t stop staring at her. Her lips curved upwards when she caught me staring at her. She was the best thing that has ever happened to me, even though I have yet to call her mine. No one sees the sides of her that become apparent when she is with me. She seems as if she’s glowing from the mixture of the street lights and the shine of the moon as she smokes one of the cigarettes I had bought just an hour ago.

“You know, time is weird.” She says, letting out a smoke filled breath.

“And why is that?” I answer in genuine curiosity.

“Have you ever thought about the fact that you can’t go back in time? That every second that passes dies with every ticking hand of a clock? Death is inevitable. We can’t stop or freeze time for any allotted amount of time, no matter how much I would love to stop it here with you. To be honest, thinking like this, this late at night, about time and death frightens me, but you, this place, these cigarettes, they ease my thoughts. Although we are physically unable to stop the time, I feel as if I can do anything right here, right now.” She takes in another drag and lets it out with a long sigh.

I stare at her in amazement as I take in the words she has spoken and I am speechless. It’s as if she somehow reads my mind, but narrates my thoughts in such articulate, beautiful phrases that make everything much more interesting to listen to.

We sit in silence for a few moments until she breaks it.

“Harry?”

My gaze meets hers in response.

“I like those shoes.” She giggled.

“Do you want to know what I love most about our friendship?” About you, I think to myself. She nods. “I like how your face looks when we argue. It happens often, so I noticed that there is a slight kindness to it. The way you get flustered and your cheeks turned red are overpowered by the softness in your eyes.”

Again, the silence overcomes the space around us. It’s not awkward though, it’s never awkward with her.

“A lot of people say a lot of things about you, Harry Styles.”

“Oh yeah?” I know this already though, I am 100% aware of the reputation I have been accused of. With this knowledge, I am still in awe of how she sticks around me.

“Yeah, but you’re not half as bad as they say you are.” She states simply. 

I smile at her. She is a genuine soul, one that you don’t come across everyday, and I pray to God that she never changes. Even if our fates don’t align, she deserves someone who compliments her and appreciates her quirks. 

A few days pass, and I decide to surprise her at her flat. She had told me that she couldn’t make it to our place that night because she was under a lot of stress at university. I stopped by the bakery she loves and got her a coffee and a cupcake. I walk up to the door, 102. I knock a few times and wait for her to open the door. She opens the door in her pajamas, a t-shirt I had lent her a few weeks back and a pair of red flannel pajama pants. Her hair was messily braided and she had no makeup on. Even when she was in her pajamas I loved her style. God, I wanted to kiss her.  I’m stood in her doorway smiling like an idiot thinking about how her lips would feel on mine.

“Well, are you going to come in or not?”

We laugh, and I hug her as I step inside the small living room.

“I got you some things from the bakery you always talk about.” I said with a cheeky smile.

“Harry! You didn’t have to do that! Thank you so much.”  She said hugging me. 

That night we just talked. About her school work, what was happening in our lives, absolutely everything. She was actually doing most of the talking, but I didn’t mind. I loved to listen to the brilliant ideas that ran through her mind every day.

I am falling for this girl hard and fast.

We are at the commons again. She makes me want to spill all of my deepest, darkest secrets, my hopes and my fears for the future, my insecurities, her comfort feels like home to me. Before I know it, I find myself pouring my heart out to her. I have never talked to anyone like I did with her. She seemed to have complete interest in everything I was telling her, and I am convinced that she did.

I’ve never had feelings for someone as pure as her. She is too good for me and I know that with every fiber in my being that I don’t deserve her. Of all the shitty things I’ve done, she has stuck by me, and now as I finally release all of my feelings of guilt and despair, I feel a deeper connection with this brown-eyed girl than I have with anyone else. All of my stars have aligned. Though, I feel selfish as I wish that she would discover her feelings for me are mutual.

“Harry? Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, anything.”

“I think I’ve fallen for someone.”

Those few words shattered my heart right there. How could this have happened? She hadn’t mentioned anyone else before. 

“Oh, well, do you want to tell me about him?”

Her stature grew timid, “Um, sure.” She said in a shaky voice.

“He is by far one of the kindest boys I have ever met, and although he thinks very lowly of himself, he is the world to me. He doesn’t know it, but I notice everything about him. How his eyes crinkle a bit when he laughs and how he runs his ands through his hair when he is frustrated or upset. I love the way he know the right thing to say. He knows that I’m far from perfect but he treats me as if I am. I mean, I new it was inevitable from the beginning, me falling in love with him, that is. There is just something about that boy that brings out something in me that I’ve never felt before.” She grins to herself and stomps out her last cigarette butt.

She is glowing with love for this mystery boy and I suddenly become envious but my thoughts are overpowered by her smile and the way she is absolutely illuminated by the words she is speaking as she describes the boy whom I would die to trade places with. Simply thinking of the possibility gives me the chills but I cover it up quickly, acting as if I am cold, but in fact, it is completely the opposite. Just her presence gives me warmth. She feels like home.

I can’t tear my eyes away from her lips. I wonder what they would feel like on my, what they would taste like. If she notices, she doesn’t say anything, she continues talking on about him.

“Oh and before I forget, here’s your shirt. I finally washed it.” I take the shirt from her small hands, red and chapped. I quickly shove my shirt in my pocket because she begins to stand up. 

“I didn’t realize how late it was, but thank you for listening to me go on about nothing tonight” With that, she kissed me on the cheek and ran towards her flat. 

My shirt still smells like her, and as creepy as it sounds, I slept with it that night. I pretended as if she were with me, in my arms, the sound of her light snores amplified in my empty bedroom. Now, I’m just staring at the phone. There’s a war going on inside my mind. Do I call her? Do I leave her be? She’s found someone, someone I obviously cannot compete with.

(her)

I’m sitting in my room staring at my phone, and I haven’t left since that night. Was I not obvious enough? Should I have been more straight forward? So many thoughts are running through my mind right now. Why must I over think everything?

I am interrupted but the vibrations of my cell phone. A picture popped up on the screen of a picture I took of Harry at the common while he was smoking a cigarette. He was honestly so beautiful. Before I dazed off into my daydreams, I answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” I can hear the nervousness in his voice.

“Um, what’s up?”

“Open you door?” It was supposed to be a statement, but came out as a question.

“Yeah!”

Sure enough, there he was, standing there in his petticoat and sweater, clad with skinny jeans and those damned brown boots. He gave me a cheeky smile as he let himself in. 

“So um, I came here to tell you something.”

“I would assume so.” I giggled lightly to ease his obvious discomfort.

“Yeah, em, so that guy you were talking about yesterday?” I nodded wide eyed. “I was just, um, wondering, why not me?” 

It took me a second to process what he had just said, and I started cracking up.”I was talking about you, you idiot!”

He stared at me, obviously confused. To clarify I decided that words would never be good enough so I leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. He started stuttering as if he still didn’t understand.

“Harry,” I grabbed his face, “do I have to spell it out for you? I think I’m falling for you.”

“I’m the guy?” I nodded and smiled. “But how, I’m nowhere near as perfect as you described.”

“There is no such thing as a perfect human being, so you need to stop holding yourself to such high standards. To me you are the most accurate definition of perfection. I love your flaws as well as your quirks. I want to show you how perfect you are.” I grabbed his hand and led him up my staircase to my bedroom. 

Even though our movements were quick, it felt like a lifetime until we were both naked on top of each other. Every move he made, every touch felt as if he was scared to hurt me. I grab his hand and drag it down my body to where I wanted it. Harry looked me in the eyes looking at me, asking permission even though I practically granted it by putting his hands on my body. I simply needed in reassurance to calm his racing mind. I could feel his heart beating against my thigh. 

“Harry, I’m not a virgin, you can hurry up.” I chuckled, and with that his eyes grew dark, filled with lust. He grabbed my waist and flipped me on top of him. I gasped in shock, instantly feeling shy in this new position. 

“Have you ever thought about me when you were in your room,” He kissed my neck, “alone,” he dragged his lips and nose across my tingling skin and kissed the bottom of my neck, but this time I could feel his tongue a bit, “with all of the lights off?” He finished on the other side of my neck sucking and biting exactly on my soft spot. I moaned a quiet yes and his beautiful lips stopped attacking my neck.

“What was that, darling? Yes?” I nodded because it was the only response my body could manage to make.

 “Show me.”

“Excuse me?” I stared at him in disbelief.

“You heard me princess. Touch yourself for me. Show me how you do it when you think of me.” He had a vicious smirk on his face. 

I scooted back so my back was leaning against my headboard. I trailed my hands down my neck, my chest, my stomach, to where I wanted him. My fingers lightly danced around my naked hips, teasing him. I saw him shift positions confirming the already obvious fact that he was turned on. “Do I have to be the only one touching myself, Harry?” With that, he immediately pulled his pants and boxer briefs down and started stroking his half hard cock. I stared at it in disbelief as my fingers neared my entrance. I could feel that I was soaking wet and he has barely touched me. Just the thought of this, how dirty this is, turned me on more than all of my thoughts about him combined. I slowly started to finger myself, the pleasure of relief pouring out of my mouth in the form of delicate moans. Our paces matched, slow and steady.

"Harry, I need you."He did't say anything, just slowly moved towards me. He brought his lips to mine and softly grazed them against mine.

"You're beautiful."  He says between kisses.

The rest of the evening felt like a dream that neither of them were ready to wake up from. They had finally let themselves truly and deeply love one another in apartment 102.

#Harry Styles #harry smut #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #one direction #louis tomlinson #Zayn Malik #Niall Horan #liam payne #one direction smut #the 1975 #matty healy

[galadrieljones]

writer’s review

tagged by @ma-sulevin and @a-shakespearean-in-paris. thank you! i’ve never done this one before.

I will tag @thevikingwoman @shallow-gravy @littleblue-eyedbirdchirps @roguelioness @pikapeppa and anyone who’d like to do this. Please tag me if you do!!

Rules: Post two snippets of your writing. The first should be one of the oldest examples of your work that you can find (the older the better!), and the other has to be an excerpt from something more recent. Compare the two side by side to see the difference between what your writing looks like now and how it did then.

Since I have way too much old writing from my life, I am just going to stick with my fanfiction. I chose to compare an excerpt from my older Solavellan work The Dead Season (2016) to my current The Last of Us fic As You Were (2020). 

I put this under a cut, as it’s a little long!! 

From The Dead Season - Chapter 8: The Emprise du Lion

For the first three nights, they’d had to camp in a quarry surrounded by the dead lit veins of red lyrium. The lyrium glowed through the fire, illuminating the snow, keeping everyone awake, bandaged and bruised, all four of them piled into the Inquisitor’s tent where nobody wanted to be alone. Death was too nearby, they decided. Things were better together. Exhausted, hardened, dirty, cold to the bone. Drinking warm ale brought in by Scout Harding’s people, gnawing pieces of rabbit Sene had hunted herself and then cooked on a spit. Iron Bull tried entertaining with mad stories from his stranger youth. He and Solas played whole games of chess through the power of memory alone, and Sera braided Sene’s hair, and asked her all kinds of questions about her childhood and her love for the elven man. She told her about Dagna, that the two had started a quiet affair, and she had such stories of Red Jenny and her foreign life as an elf of the city. Sene listened eagerly, all the time, finding Solas with her eyes, and he would give a small touch. Security in a place of death and blood in the snow.

Despite Sene’s dreams, whenever they slept in the Emprise du Lion, Solas held her with serious possession. He slept deeply when he drifted, without stirring, and his arms hardened around her as stone. A carefulness and new severity imbued them, each movement guessed and exchanged as mind-reading. Somehow, it felt new. Sera noticed one morning, as Solas helped Sene into her jacket: “You do that like it’s all you’ve ever done,” she said to him.

“Perhaps it is,” said Solas. “Perhaps each night I help Sene out of her jacket, and then each morning, I help her back in again. Would that shock you?”

“The two of you,” said Sera. “Like green on sky. Eggs on toast.”

“Interesting perspective,” he said.

From As You Were - Chapter 6: La Crosse (Pt. 1) / The Lapp Farm (Pt. 1)

Joel and Noah drove until they hit what looked to be the town. They parked at an O’Reilly’s Auto Parts, hauled their backpacks onto their backs, and loaded their guns. The signs continued, most of them nailed to other kinds of signs: COTHS, they read. C.O.T.H.S.

C O T H S.

La Crosse had never been a big city. Joel didn’t know a lot, but he could gather as much. It wasn’t big, but it was a college town, and that college was big enough to have a football team. It would have been home to a lot of people during the initial Outbreak, probably forty or fifty thousand, and it was probably a metro-hub for these little Driftless, farming towns, too, with a good hospital, warehouses, factories, and some semblance of a retail industry. It would have been a lot of meth, he thought. Maybe not so much in the city proper, but in the outskirts, in the tin cans and the trailer parks. As a city on the banks of the Mississippi, it would have pretty pockets but mostly, it was just franchises and mini-malls, like anything else.

But this was strange, thought Joel. The goddam of it was, it seemed empty. Really empty. Like, god no longer smiled upon this place, as if something evil had given up on this place, gone on its way. There was nothing. Nothing bad, nothing good. Just the trees, and the nature noises, the grasses, which had grown so tall, they engulfed the cars abandoned at the side of the road. There was a McDonalds sign, growing out of a massive, twisted heap of vines and bramble and it made Joel think of small things that still broke his heart from childhood. He pushed it down.

“This is fucking weird,” said Noah. The air smelled ripe in some places. Rotten. Like an overgrowth of mold in the washing machine. “What the fuck is that smell?”

“Something bad happened here,” said Joel.

“Hey, look,” said Noah. He was headed toward another one of the signs. It said: COTHS.       

“Yep, another sign,” said Joel.

“No, look,” said Noah. He got closer. He had to snap a couple saplings to get to it. This sign was on the ground, leaning against a tree. He pushed back the tall grass, and the milkweed to reveal the rest.

Comparison: I settled on these excerpts because they are both descriptions of places and situations that are new to the characters involved. The biggest difference between my writing in 2016 and my writing now, as shown here, is that I have hugely simplified my prose and my approach to descriptive writing. Four years ago, I was still very flowery, and the dark, magical setting of Dragon Age only encouraged my dreamy, expansive sensibility. I used a lot of adjectives, figurative language, and fragments, and I tended to write big, sweeping descriptions of situations, rather than setting simple scenes. Tbh, I hadn’t really figured out scene-writing yet, at that point. It took me a while to realize how to make scenes do a lot of work in a short amount of time. Notice how I barely enter the scene in that first excerpt. It’s vague. It’s all happening at once. There is not really a specific scene being set in a specific setting at a specific time. I try to avoid that sort of thing now. While I don’t hate my old writing, and I think sometimes I do a nice job of hitting on the right atmosphere, my unwillingness to just enter the scene concretely is a little sophomoric and noncommittal here. Setting scenes is actually hard as hell. In doing this, I was avoiding the hard stuff without even realizing.

Now, I will say that while I am still improving, my writing has become much more concrete and to the point. I use figurative language, but I am much more judicious with my metaphors and similes. I prefer realism, it turns out. I want to describe true things, not ideas. Most of what I describe is there to build setting, whether it be through concrete description of place or a character’s actions in a place. Sometimes I will use my language to evoke a certain kind of atmosphere, but I try not to go overboard. I want my language to be practical, not tricky and overblown. I like strong, complete sentences (with the occasional fragment) and descriptions of specific actions and scenes in real time, rather than fragmented, dreamy language or a style that is overly stream-of-consciousness. I still use Free Indirect Style at times, and I will narrate thought, because I like going into my character’s heads, but I now practice much more stoicism. I do not let my readers know too much directly about what my characters are feeling. I find that this is much more true to what I want to evince with my writing. I now try to imply thought and emotion via what my characters do, what they don’t do, what they say, and what they see. Moving away from Solas, a very “talky” and intellectual character has helped me do this. While I love Solas, writing Joel and Arthur really improved me tenfold, as they tend to speak very little. They are not terribly ponderous in all they decide. They choose their words wisely and let their actions speak most of the time, helping me do the same.

In the past, my focus was almost always on language, ideas, and atmosphere. I wanted to evoke bigness at every turn. Drama, beauty, unfolding abstract ideas and feelings made of synesthesia, using my language to elevate simple feelings and ideas into something epic. But now, and maybe it’s just because I’m getting older or I have less time, idk, but I just want things to be what they are. I want to reveal feelings and themes, not evoke them through force. I want the scenes to speak for themselves. I let the reader do a little more work. I withhold much more. In fact, I rarely write interiority these days. Inner-monologue and emotions come sparingly. One sentence here and there. Never in rambling, abstract, unfurling paragraphs, which The Dead Season is full of. I am always reaching for economy now, and efficiency. It is better for me! Though I do play around still, from time to time, with my language. I will always be a little playful.

#on writing #my writing #the dead season #as you were #writer's review

[synthient]

The Key to Understanding Deltarune: The Halloween Hack

So we’re currently in the middle of a 4000 year content hiatus

Which is unfortunate, because ever since the big iconic Halloween-day surprise demo drop, my brain has been rattling a baseball bat against the inside of my skull and chanting “CONTENT, CONTENT, CONTENT”

Undertale was like candy for the thematic analysis side of my brain. I still wake up in a cold sweat some nights going “fun value......he put a quantitative value on fun.....numbers going up.....”

I am desperate to know what kind of themes Deltarune is going to tackle. Can you effectively predict that from one (1) 3 hour demo? No. Does my brain care? No.

Which is what lead me to the wonderful world of intertextuality, or examining how a media text is shaped by other media texts

It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this with me doing a playthrough of EarthBound, the video game that Toby has cited as his biggest inspiration for Undertale

That was fun & interesting (the “throwing away an emotionally engaging experience to grimly make Numbers Go Up” thing feels a lot closer to home after trying and failing to get the sword of kings), but it didn’t provide much insight into Deltarune, specifically. It wasn’t enough. I needed more. I was willing to dig into literally any intertext (except Homestuck, which no force on this earth can compel me to read :) )

anyway thats how I ended up playing Toby Fox’s high school fangame

And somehow (sorry Toby) I walked out of there with an unironic theory (a game theory....if you will....): Deltarune is Toby’s adult reexamination of the Halloween Hack.

What is the Halloween Hack?

You know that thing where, like, people take the engine of a Pokemon game and edit it so there’s a new region and a bunch of new fakemon, and also There’s Swears Now

In 2008, Toby Fox entered a contest on an EarthBound fansite for the best Halloween-themed EarthBound hack

In one sense, reducing the Halloween Hack to a “bad romhack with swears” is a little bit of a disservice. There are some glimmers in there of a really affecting, thought-provoking game, and you can see some of the early blueprints of what would later become Undertale (“do video game ‘monsters’ really deserve to die” is a major theme, and the character of Dr. Andonuts was effectively split up into Alpyhs, Asgore, and Sans)

But it’s also. very much a fangame made by a 16-year-old.

You can read a basic summary of the Hack here. High school-age Toby wrote two pretty extensive analyses of his thought process behind the game. I’ll be referring back to them a lot, and I’d highly suggest giving them a read--Toby’s been so famously resistant to making any Word of God statements about Undertale that it’s kind of fascinating to see him being so candid

an extremely long and rambling examination of How This All Relates To Deltarune

The Halloween Hack opens in the town of Halloween Twoson. Twoson is one of the cites in EarthBound, and here it’s been painted orange. and there’s pumpkins now

See, high school Toby had...a bit of a chip on his shoulder. In the Making Of notes, he explains that he was frustrated that “most people generally thought I was just ‘another funny guy’”. So he designed the opening of the game to seem unoriginally close to the original EarthBound--like “a regular, funny, lazy hack”--to lull players into a false sense of security before the horror elements set in.

Two interesting things there:

“Lazily, unoriginally close to the source game” sounds an awful lot like the Dark World segment of Deltarune

Halloween Twoson looks very visually similar to Hometown

Toby’s description of Twoson also sounds pretty Hometown-esque:

The main impressions of Twoson that I wanted to give the player were: It's funny. It's a nice fall day outside. The person hacking this game is ridiculously lazy. It's a nice place to live. If you look at it a little closely, it's kind of claustrophobic.  

And when does the horror kick in? When the player descends into the underground tunnels beneath the city.

The “horror” in the Halloween Hack is, however, Pretty Not Good.

There’s a whole lot of the flavor text narrator (put a pin in that one) insisting “this is so scary. you’re so scared. your hands shake and your head throbs because you’re so scared.” There’s also a thing where the battle text keeps going “the shambling zombie BITES your HEAD OFF!!! (you lose 15 hp).”

I think the True Lab sequence in Undertale is a decent demonstration that Toby’s come a long way since then (and that Honey We’ve Got A Storm Coming :’) ). But you know what the Hack’s style of horror reminds me of?

My first thought when I beat the demo and saw this stinger was “this looks like an intentionally shitty creepypasta.” Now I wonder if it’s lowkey adult Toby poking a little fun at teenage Toby

The Halloween Hack is a game about railroading. It’s Spec Ops The Line before there was Spec Ops The Line.

According to Toby:

The main theme of this game is the lack of choice. There is really no choice in this game. From the moment you start to the moment you finish, you're destined to kill Dr. Andonuts. There are two endings, but they both eventually end up the same way. It's all a big joke on the player.

You know why there isn't a choice there? Because you already chose to make Varik go into the door. You already chose to go forward. The only real choice, as Varik realizes at the end of the game, is to stop or keep going. By "stop" he means "turn off the game," and that's all you can do. Anything you play is your own fault for playing, and that's the only real choice you can make.

Interesting? Yeah. A little obnoxious? Also yeah.

That’s one of the criticisms people had of Spec Ops. "The atrocities we commit when we feel like we don’t have a choice” is an intriguing theme, but “~the only way to win is not to play~ [the game I worked hard on for the express purpose of people playing it]” isn’t a very satisfying conclusion.

Undertale, in direct contrast to the Hack, is all about choice. It earns the right to guilt you for the No Mercy Run by giving you every opportunity not to go through with it.

But even Undertale plays a little with the concept of railroading--you can’t stay with Toriel; you can’t spare Asgore in any of the neutral runs; you can’t save Asriel.

Now Deltarune seems to be returning full-on to the Hack’s “your choices don’t matter” premise. But it’s going to need to find something more insightful and satisfying to say about it.

Which makes me really curious about this:

If the Hack has a secondary theme besides railroading/lack of choice, it’s The Soul-Crushing Impact Of Internalized Homophobia.

The tragic antagonist, Dr. Andonuts, destroys his own life trying to repress his gay desire. He retreats into a dream world made of his neuroses and trauma, and he’s inevitably Otherized and murdered by the player. He’s something of a dark version of Alphys, who “disappears” into her lab without ever meeting and getting support from Frisk, Papyrus, and Undyne.

Undertale takes an opposite approach to its lgbt themes--the Underground is a utopia where homophobia and transphobia don’t exist. Everyone respects Frisk’s and Chara’s pronouns. Alphys finds solace and healing in her relationship with Undyne.

It’s a heartwarming growth from the despair in the Halloween Hack. And it’s a vision that’s been deeply meaningful to a lot of people. But that doesn’t mean that there’s no value in exploring issues of homophobia. 16-year-old Toby tried to do that, but...wasn’t exactly at a point where he was equipped to handle it with a ton of sensitivity and nuance.

(There’s. There’s a boss battle where you fight the physical manifestation of Andonuts’ gay repression. It’s a crotch. You fight a crotch.)

Some of the hints in the Deltarune demo, however--the Toriel Has Become Catholic thing; the fact that Alphys and Undyne haven’t met and Mettaton hasn’t been able to transition; the potential trans implications of choosing a name only to have it discarded for an assigned one (“you can’t choose who you are in this world”)--make me suspect that’s one of the themes that Toby will try to revisit from an adult perspective.

The Hack is interested in the idea of the flavor text narrator as a distinct, intelligent entity, whose thoughts and goals don’t always align with those of the player character or the player. 

The Hack’s narrator makes a habit of dictating “your” emotions to you (you’re scared; you can sense ‘the monster’ and you want to kill it; etc). The narration starts to seem more and more unreliable, until, as Toby put it, “The narrator starts talking to you personally...rambling about incoherent things.”

At the game’s turning point, you’re given a yes/no choice to kill Dr. Andonuts. Choose yes, and the narrator (mockingly?) calls you a good person, describes the murder you commit, and then narrates what appears to be your (or their? or Varik’s?) psychological breakdown. Choose no, and the narrator tells you that’s not a real choice and redirects you back to the yes/no box. If you press the b-button to try and opt out of the choice (the game’s unofficial subtitle is “Press the B-Button Stupid,” and doing so allows you to follow Andonuts into his dream world), the narrator starts to panic, although the game ultimately ends the same way.

Not to NarraChara Real, but NarraChara Real 

The Hack is also interested in the idea of the player character as a possibly-unwilling puppet controlled by the player (who in turn is controlled by the railroading/their need to beat the game).

According to Toby:  

 As you approach someone you've never met that you're labeling as a monster, your body pushes you forward to kill him. What's funny is that it's not even uncontrolled, it's really just the force of the player's controller pushing that little bounty hunter into murdering Andonuts. You might not realize it, but Varik is almost dead, and yet he can't stop moving because you keep pushing those buttons. 

The Halloween Hack is, fundamentally, a nostalgic meditation on an existing game.

It’s a little obvious to say, but the Hack isn’t a standalone game. It’s a hack of EarthBound.

Toby writes:

EarthBound dominated my childhood, shaped my preteen years, and played a large role in molding me into the offbeat pseudohippie I am today. It gave me a sense of humor. It helped me learn how to read. Its lessons served as a basis for my sense of justice and courage.

But at age 16, Toby’s feeling about the game that had shaped him were a little mixed. He describes “the staleness of a fifteen-year-old video game” as one of his motivations for making the Hack.

In Deltarune, he (kind of hilariously) has Alphys parrot his teen-self’s “staleness” line:

(I could write a whole meta just on the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie vs Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 thing)

Still, Toby’s nostalgia for EarthBound is essential to how the Hack operates. Earlier, I said there were glimmers of an thoughtful, affecting game buried in the “bad romhack with swears.” The most genuinely moving moment in the Hack, in my opinion, is the Onett sequence. 

You wander though a faded, dream world version of Onett--the hometown from EarthBound--while a slowed down arrangement of the Onett music plays. Snatches of forgotten conversations appear on road signs. Various monsters from EarthBound follow slowly behind you, but don’t attack. The only battles are against creatures called “Remember Me?”

The EarthBound characters appear to recognize “Varik” as Ness, EarthBound’s protagonist--or are they recognizing you, the player, as the same person who played EarthBound once upon a time?

The one problem, of course, is that not everyone has played EarthBound. It’s a relatively niche game. The sense of remembrance and regret and loss in the Onett sequence is universal, but being shaped as a person by the specific video game EarthBound isn’t a universal experience.

But in the years since the Hack, Toby has created something with a wider reach than EarthBound. Something that can evoke that sense of memory and nostalgia in players. A familiar game that he can take apart, rearrange, and examine in an entirely different light.

He made Undertale.

And now he’s rearranging the pieces into Deltarune.

#deltarune #undertale #o and to clarify: i don't think the flavor text thing means that chara's evil #in fact i think deltarune's going to deconstruct that very reading of undertale #which is maybe a whole nother (hopefully much shorter) meta

[coredrill]

alright, here are my thoughts on the unstoppable wasp novel! i’ve put the majority of my thoughts, and LOTS of spoilers, below the cut. short summary is that . . . i didn’t really like it at all :/

so, i’m gonna preface this by saying that i wanted to absolutely LOVE this book. it’s all about nadia and she is one of my all-time favorite characters and it’s so great that she got the spotlight in this way! i just really really wish i could, in good faith, say that the book was good, but i just can’t. and admittedly, i consider the unstoppable wasp comics to be nearly perfect, which is a high bar to hit, but there was just so much about this book that left a bad taste in my mouth.

first thing i want to mention is the role of the rest of the g.i.r.l.s. and when i say that, i mean that they had virtually no role. i genuinely wasn’t sure if i (the reader) was expected to have read the comics before the novel. on one hand, the first few chapters were spent pretty much summing up the comics, which is fine, especially because some readers may not have read the comics. on the other hand, if i hadn’t read the comics, there’s NO WAY i would’ve known anything about the other g.i.r.l.s!! they’re barely present in the plot of the book! they are present in one scene in the beginning, taina has a few lines throughout, and they’re more involved at the end, but a lot of the times they seemed more like wallpaper than actual characters. especially because of the frequency with which the author would throw in lines such as “that ethiopian place that shay likes” or “priya’s on-trend jeans” and just name-drop them without really giving them any substance. since i know the comics, i already know these characters--but if i was just reading the novel with no background? there’s no way i’d be able to keep them straight.

building off of what i said in that last point, i also wanted to mention that i listened to the women of marvel podcast interview with the author. something that i noticed is that she would always refer to the g.i.r.l.s as the “g.i.r.l. squad.” and that, i think, is the root of why i didn’t like how they were handled. it’s obviously pretty simple to explain their absence in the story by just noting that the whole point was that nadia was feeling alone and isolated from them. HOWEVER, in my opinion as a woman who has been in engineering . . . that doesn’t happen? nadia and the g.i.r.l.s are labmates--it’s right there in the title. they ARE the genius in action research labs. the “lab” isn’t just the location, it’s the people who make it up. by referring to them as “g.i.r.l. squad” instead of just “g.i.r.l.,” the author is changing the dynamics from “being a cohesive unit of girls who make up this incredible group and support each other in their science and goals” to “friend group who all happen to do science.” and as i mentioned, the random falling-out that happens in the book doesn’t happen to groups of the first type. being a girl in stem SUCKS. being in a stem class means that you’re automatically friends with the 1-2 other girls in there with you. and the people you work on projects with in a lab? the other girls who take the time to support you and have your back even though the odds are stacked against you? those are a whole different kind of friendships and i PROMISE they’re not wrecked by just forgetting to talk to each other. the girls that i worked with in college--the girls that i worked with now--it’s for survival. you don’t just fall apart like nadia apparently did from the g.i.r.l.s in this book.

okay. final bullet point on this topic. but in the women of marvel interview, the author said that she wanted to explore what could break apart the bonds that the g.i.r.l.s had formed. but on page 263, there’s the line “and if they had all just been a little better at communicating, maybe it wouldn’t have been so long before one of them realized that nadia was relying a little too closely on that little gold device.” so this deep dive into splitting the g.i.r.l.s apart, and barely giving shay, taina, ying, and priya a role in the story--was caused by MISCOMMUNICATION??? no freaking thanks LMAO. even without everything i’ve already mentioned, that trope is so lazy.

the writing style kinda bothered me at some points--i remember the discharge being described as “carbon dioxide” at one point, but like, just call it white foam. it’s so much easier and saying carbon dioxide pulled me out of what was happening. obviously this is a personal thing, not something objectively bad, but i still thought i’d mention it.

there seemed to be this point, around page 260, where it seems like the book flipped a switch. obviously, this is where the climax hit, but so many other things seemed to just randomly get pushed into place because the plot necessitated it? like, for example, nadia and the g.i.r.l.s are suddenly bffs again. even though, in nadia’s interior monologue, we’ve been hearing her resentment for them, it seemed like once the plot needed them to work together that they were able to do so without problem. and not only that, but it didn’t even feel earned? the book NEVER showed nadia and the g.i.r.l.s as actually like. being friends. (as i mentioned, not a choice i agree with, but still a fact.) so to have them all suddenly team up for the Big Boss Battle just felt weird and disengenuous to all of them. additionally, nadia went from defending margaret at all costs to suddenly thinking “oh yeah, she’s probably super evil. no big deal.” like WHAT??? the whole point of the first 250 pages was to show that nadia feels like margaret is the only person she can trust. all of a sudden she’s cool with her being evil??? make it make sense! you could see throughout the rest of the book that nadia was building up her Wrong Thoughts. sooooo much time was spent on it and we actually saw the development of how nadia felt. but to have her switch all that on a dime so that she can have her Right Thoughts now??? just in time for the Boss Battle? it just feels so unearned, since there’s nothing building to it. she just . . . changes her mind.

i also feel like writing a book where the protagonist, where the person whose perspective we’re following, is being MIND-CONTROLLED, but not revealing that mind control until the 11th hour (to validate the sudden switch from Wrong Thoughts to Right Thoughts) was just. a bit weird. i’m 22, but if i was reading this as a teenager, i’m not sure i would’ve quite gotten that the WHOLE BOOK was now being told by an unreliable narrator, with absolutely zero reliable information as a base (except the comics, of course).

ON PAGE 274. THERE IS ONE MENTION OF SHAY MAKING HER TELEPORTER PORTABLE. THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE FEAT OF SCIENCE AND SO GREAT FOR SHAY WHY WAS THIS NOT EXPANDED ON IN THE SLIGHTEST????

alright, time to talk about the nadia-being-ace thing. so, ever since i started reading unstoppable wasp, i’ve interpreted nadia as aroace. her version of friendships, her attempts to change the topic when romance for herself is brought up--these are all very authentically ace experiences. and that was okay for me to just have her coded that way! the writer of the comics, jeremy whitley, has included TWO (2!!!) ace characters in his raven pirate princess series so i definitely allowed myself to entertain the idea that the ace aspects of nadia were intentional. i was also okay with it not being explicitly mentioned in the comics--sure it would’ve been cool, but i understand that there are 18 issues TOTAL and it would be hard to fit the entirety of nadia’s story in there. BUT, when the author of this book mentioned that nadia was ace, and jeremy whitley confirmed that he’d been writing her as ace, it was awesome and super validating!! first of all, nadia being the first canonically ace marvel character--even just by word of god--is so freaking incredible and just adds to my enjoyment of the story. i’m very glad that we got confirmation and that i can continue reading the comics knowing, at the very least, that my ace reading of them is backed up by the canon (!!!!!). however, the author of this novel 100% used it as a marketing tactic which is super shitty. i was obviously going to read it anyway, since it was about nadia, but i do know people who bought it specifically because the author mentioned nadia being ace. and there was maybe one throwaway line in the novel about how nadia was only interested in romance ~theoretically.~ that’s not rep. in fact, it’s even less rep than the comics, which represented nadia being ace (at least in my opinion) far more authentically than this novel did. i’d honestly even go so far as to say it was riiiight up against the line of queerbaiting--yes nadia is canonically queer, but only by word of mouth, and it’s not mentioned even once in the story. that’s bad. using ace people for marketing--baiting them into buying your book on the promise of rep which we already have so little of--is so so shitty. yes, i am glad that we got that confirmation from jeremy whitley who never used this to promote the comics and didn’t even mention it until now, but i genuinely cannot believe that this author (who is bi! i checked her twitter!) effectively used it to market her awful book. honestly if the book weren’t bad enough already, to add this on top of it is even WORSE.

in the same vein, the author mentioned ying and shay being in a wlw relationship in the same interview where she mentioned nadia being ace. ying and shay are barely in the novel and EVEN WORSE, their relationship is kind of treated as an “obstacle” that nadia and the other g.i.r.l.s have to overcome in order to start working as a unit again. also bad!!!!!

okay. i think i’ve got this and one more bullet point, so we’ll see how it goes. but the way that the science in this book was handled was atrocious. sure, we had the cute science facts, but there is one (1) paragraph on page 311 about the g.i.r.l.s doing science for the sake of doing science and helping their community. IN THE WHOLE BOOK. you know a great way to demonstrate to women that they shouldn’t go into stem fields? write a cautionary book about the ~dangers of ai and data collection~ AS IF ANYONE LIVING IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW DOESN’T KNOW THAT SHIT. jesus fucking christ. the comics showed all of this great science by the way of the g.i.r.l.s papers, shay making her teleporter at home, defusing the bomb in ying’s head, recreating the vision gloves, tai’s sports robots . . . this book had NONE of that. it literally just had the evils that we see in the news EVERY DAY. that’s not what you show people to get them excited, and i find it really fucking weird that ANYONE greenlit a book about characters who support and encourage women to go into stem fields with the overall message of “science bad!” like. how the fuck was this plot approved. in the women of marvel interview, the author claims that she’s written about women in science before--and i believe her. i just don’t think that she’s ever actually spoken to a woman in science.

and lastly, i have a huge issue with the role of hope in the book. by that, i mean that the novel is called “built on hope” but hope is literally never a theme throughout the book? so yet another instance of the book building off the comics without any form of payoff. the unstoppable wasp comics are kind, and loving, and hopeful. this book is callous and condescending and seems more concerned with its sassy one-liners about white dudes and ham-fisted pop culture references than LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE, including hope. nadia claims to love her friends but spends the majority of the book shitting on them. nadia lies to janet to “avoid hurting her” but the end of unstoppable wasp 10 showed the flip side of the situation where nadia and jan realize that although janet was hiding the truth about hank from nadia, nadia wanted to hear the information anyway!! and i just--WHY would you take a character who has been explicitly used in the past to introduce girls to women in stem (the interviews with real people in the back of the comics!) AND THEN WRITE HER INTO A FUCKING CAUTIONARY “TECHNOLOGY BAD” STORY??? it’s SO discordant with the comics and i genuinely hope that anyone reading this book goes and read the comics themselves, which are incredible and a bajillion times better than this book in all aspects. i’m finishing this “review” a lot more fired up then when i started typing it but i honestly can’t believe that marvel greenlit THIS and not like. 2 more comics.

so, yeah, those are my thoughts. kudos to anyone who actually made it through the whole thing (if anyone does), it’s egregiously long but i needed to put my thoughts somewhere! tldr: i will not be recommending this to my mom.

#ugh this took way longer to type than i expected LMAO #anyways #f: marvel #marvel: novels #n: built on hope #t.txt

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Decryption_Error: “The Server Room, Part I”

Summary: Elliot is locked in the server room by a few of his colleagues to stop him from ruining their Memorial Day weekend. Y/N, Elliot’s manager, finds him and comes up with a solution to fix the broken servers, but because of Elliot’s injuries and his refusal to go to a hospital, Y/N makes him stay at her place for the long weekend. As Elliot and Y/N bond for the first time outside of work, something a little more than friendship starts to emerge.

Summary/Mood Board

Word Count: 5800

Disclaimer: I know 0 things about technology and want to cry real tears for making my narrator Elliot’s boss. I sincerely apologize to anyone I offend for my whack tech references--please let me know if you need me to fix something because it’s awful and I will credit you for saving me some embarrassment!

Tags: @sherlollydramoine @rami-malek-trash @teamwolf2411 @thingsfandom @limabein @lovie-rami @txmel @hopplessdreamer @ouatlovr

Warnings: Physical injuries/blood, language, **=heavily paraphrased from a monologue on Robot

Author’s Note: I won’t be able to update this story as quickly as Remnants because my life is about to get crazy busy. However, I will do my best so y’all don’t lose interest : ) Special shoutout to @alottanothing for helping me get this story organized and underway! Thanks for being my cheerleader 💕

For fuck’s sake! I thought as I changed out of my swimsuit and into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, shoving my still wet feet into a pair of sandals.  

I had made it to my family’s place for Memorial Day weekend for the first time in years only to be called back to work because something happened to the servers. My boss, Miles, was out of town like everyone else in the goddamn city, and he trusted me as the Senior Manager to handle the situation.

CIStech Cybersecurity had been my life for the past four years. Starting as an Analyst really fostered my affinity for data and subsequently put me on the fast-track to become management. I liked working hard, and when I first started at CIStech, I would be mystified when I realized it was 10 pm, everyone had gone home, and I had skipped dinner (again) because I was 5,000 clicks deep into testing a contingency plan I created for scenario 11/1,000 in the event of a security breach.

My relationship with my job was complex--I knew I worked too much, but I needed those long days to help quell my anxiety; data gave me a focus and helped me make sense of a world that seemed to be drifting further and further into shades of grey, a place where evil and good barely served as separate entities anymore.

This long weekend was an important test for me—I needed to prove to myself that I could step away from the office and the world wouldn’t end, nor would my mental stability. 

Except that I did step away from the office and the world did end—sort of. So much for convincing my brain that taking time off was a good thing.

For the first three quarters of the drive into the city, I had gone over about 30 scenarios in my mind and just as I was about to drive myself crazy, I shook my head and cranked up the music. There was only so much I could mentally prep for until I knew whether the problem was physical or within the network.

Because everyone in the city had fled to escape the rising humidity, I was able to park on a side street about a half of a block from work. I swiped my badge to get into the lobby of CNC Precision Machining, our host company, then said a quick hello to the head of night security, Lance. I swiped my badge again to activate the elevator, and as I rode up to the 18th floor, my anxiety curled into a lead ball and made itself at home in my stomach. Something did not feel right, and I almost, almost went back downstairs to ask Lance to radio a guard.

But, how often do we actually act on our anxiousness? For me, I had to talk myself out of so many horrors a day that I always felt silly when I gave in to whatever idea had made itself at home in my mind.

I talked myself down, thinking, It’s almost 11 pm, and all I have to do is check the servers. Maybe one of the fans broke. Maybe a plug fell out. I can fix it and still get back to Mom and Dad’s by 2.

Once again, I swiped my badge. I entered CIStech’s wing, but as I opened the door to the cybersecurity offices and turned to deactivate the alarm, I saw it had never been set. My mouth fell open, and again the idea of turning back flitted through my mind, except being pissed overtook my apprehension.  

Whoever was the last to leave was getting a letter of reprimand. Sure, the building itself was secure, but to not set the alarm in a company’s tech security office? Inexcusable.

Since I was now fuming, the unset alarm compounding with my ire over my ruined start to the weekend, I grumbled away my nagging thoughts as I quickly walked to the server room, swiped my badge and scanned my fingerprint to open the door.

The harsh lights were on an automatic switch, so they popped to life as I stepped a few inches into the room; however, the crunch of plastic and the popping of glass made me stop, one foot poised in the air as I looked down to see what I stepped on.

The remnants of a server, or more than one server, were littered across the ground, and as I scanned for the source of the damage, the last thing I expected to find was a body. Immediately, my mind wondered if this was a trap, and then I wondered if the body was even alive.

My voice emitted a sort of strangled groan which caused the body on the floor to move—and when I saw that it wasn’t just a random body, my heart sank.

It was Elliot, my employee and my friend. 

***Eight Months Ago***

“Next up is Elliot Alderson. Recent grad. Bachelor’s in Computer Engineering from Stevens Institute of Tech. This is the guy with the impressive skill set, knowledgeable in everything we use. His portfolio backs it up, too.”

“Mmm, I remember reading through it and thinking if even half of it is legit, he’s smarter than everyone in that room put together,” Colin said, gesturing in the direction of the office floor.

“I tested his work on the headless Raspberry PI he sent with his portfolio—worked like a charm.”

“That could save us a lot of headaches,” JaLeah said, clicking through the description in Elliot’s portfolio again.

“Did you notice how streamlined his portfolio is? It’s masterfully organized and aesthetically pleasing,” I said, leaning over to look at JaLeah’s screen.

She hummed in agreement.

“Jayne? Bring in Mr. Alderson, please,” I said as I pressed the button on the wireless intercom.

At CIStech, we strived to maintain a comfortable atmosphere. Instead of a panel of interviewers, it was just myself and my two Supervisors. Instead of interviewing in our board room, we interviewed in my office, the three of us seated at a round table so when the applicant joined us, they felt less on-the-spot.

However, when Elliot Alderson walked in the room, his unease was so palpable I doubted anything would alleviate his nervousness.

“Mr. Alderson,” Colin began, extending his hand. “I’m Colin Greene, Supervisor.

Elliot paused long enough for me to give him a onceover, and peripherally, I saw JaLeah do the same.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N, Senior Manager,” I said, shaking Elliot’s hand, his grip light as if the last thing he wanted to do in the world was touch me.

As JaLeah introduced herself, I took another quick inventory of Elliot Alderson. He was dressed well, although in clothes that were a bit too big on his small frame. His haircut, however, was immaculate, cut in a close fade on the sides with a mop of styled black hair on top.

His big, greyish eyes were moving around the room as if he were searching for the exit; and then, suddenly they stopped. It was like he reminded himself to pick a spot and focus.

“Go ahead and take a seat,” JaLeah said, sliding over the piece of paper that listed our interview questions.

As Elliot pulled out the chair and settled in, I explained what would happen during the interview, the goal to once again ease the nerves of the applicant. 

“So, Mr. Alderson, I’m going to explain the process for this interview. First, we will give you a few minutes to read over the questions on the paper in front of you. When you are ready, let us know and we will take turns asking those questions. Once the Q&A portion is complete, we will connect our laptops to the one right here via RDP, and we will ask you to complete a specific task. Any questions so far?”

Elliot shook his head no.

“Excellent. Please take a few minutes to read over the questions, feel free to jot down notes in the spaces provided, then let us know when you are ready to begin,” I explained, ending with a smile.

Elliot did not return my smile; instead, his eyes dropped to the interview questions. As I watched him scan the paper, I had to remind myself not to stare. There was something about him that drew me in. His eyes were unlike any I had ever seen, and I couldn’t stop thinking about that damn, overquoted line from one of Walt Whitman’s poems: “I contain multitudes.”

Looking at Elliot, it was clear he contained depths, and I wanted to know everything there was to know about him. I could count on one hand the number of times I felt so immediately intrigued by another person.

After a minute or two, Elliot looked up, his eyes flickering between the three of us, and said, “Okay.”

Colin began, asking Elliot to tell us about his schooling and his professional experience.

Elliot answered carefully, reciting his academic and professional history. His voice was deep, a soothing monotone that was more like a raspy rattle than a melodious note.

“Thank you,” I said once he had finished speaking. “Question two asks about the steps you would take to secure a server. Walk us through that process, please.”  

Once again, Elliot’s answer was correct and succinct.

“To secure a server, you use the SSL protocol for data encryption and decryption. Establish a secure password for your root and administrative users. Create the new users in the system. Remove remote access from the default root accounts. Configure your firewall rules for your remote access.”

I watched Elliot as he answered, his eyes focused on a spot over my shoulder. I made my notes as JaLeah moved on to the next question.

“What are the most common types of cyberattacks? Explain which attack you feel is most common and why it is most common.”

Elliot listed off the usual attacks with ease—phishing, malware, DDoS, password attacks, malvertising, man in the middle, but it was his answer to the second part of the question that allowed us to see a glimpse under his carefully crafted façade.

“People. People are the only reason cyberattacks happen and people are the ones who make it easy for hackers to execute any attack. The most common cyberattack in a large corporation is phishing—people are all too willing to provide information without first checking the origination. People who work in companies operate on autopilot, running their daily programs, usually without interruption, and in order to avoid a runtime error, people will click a link, enter their password, and by then, they have you.”**

We were all quiet for a moment and Elliot looked a bit surprised, as if he couldn’t believe what he just said aloud.

“Excellent answer, Mr. Alderson,” JaLeah said, narrowing her eyes and nodding, still mulling over Elliot’s response. “If only we knew how to prevent human error—but I supposed that would be a billion-dollar answer,” she finished, flashing him a smile.

He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a tiny smile in response.

That was the only real glimpse of Elliot’s personality we got for the rest of the interview, but he absolutely nailed the task, finding each vulnerability we set up in our system and fixing it in record time.

“Do you have any questions for us, Mr. Alderson?” I asked as we closed out the interview.

“I’ve already found out everything I needed to know,” Elliot replied, his eyes meeting and holding my gaze.

I smirked and nodded.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less, Mr. Alderson. You’ll hear from HR within 24 hours, either way,” I said as I hit the intercom.

“Please see Mr. Alderson out, Jayne.”

Elliot left as nervously as he entered, not bothering with any attempt at casual conversation to make his interview a bit more memorable.

As soon as the office door clicked shut, Colin leaned back in his chair and said, “No way. Guy’s weird.”

“Weird?” I questioned. “Since when is being nervous the same as being ‘weird’?”

“He didn’t make eye contact with me once—and not like in an ‘on the spectrum way.’ More like, he has a secret and no one can know it way. I’m not trying to be a dick—I just got a bad vibe.”

“Well, you are being a dick,” I said. “There are a thousand reasons why people struggle with eye contact, Colin. Don’t stereotype. Give me something factual if you really didn’t like him for the position.”

“And I remember a time when you couldn’t look me in the eye, Colin,” JaLeah said, her dark eyes flashing.

Colin rubbed his hands over his face and sighed.

“He didn’t elaborate on any of the questions—he spit back text-book answers on every one, except for JaLeah’s question about cyberattacks. I felt like he wasn’t hungry for this job—he acted like he didn’t really want it.”

I nodded my head.

“I wish he would have elaborated, too. However, I think his tech skills far outweigh any subpar people skills.”

“I agree with Y/N,” JaLeah said. “But I do see Colin’s point—remember when we had those interns? We ended up hiring Steph because she was able to build a rapport with everyone here. Granted, they all had about the same skill set, but her ability to communicate set her apart.”

“Doesn’t it also work in reverse, though--tech skills over people skills?”

Colin nodded in agreement. “It does.”

“So, let me make you both a deal: if any of the remaining candidates perform as well or better than Elliot Alderson on the task, we hire them. If not, we go with Alderson.”

“Works for me,” JaLeah said. “For the record, I did like him. He really spit some fire on that answer about human error.”

I smiled at JaLeah and nodded while Colin rolled his eyes.

“Alright—who’s up next?” he said, already accepting the idea that he was probably not going to win this one.  

* * * * *

I closed my eyes and rolled my neck, listening to the bones pop and crunch. It was time to get up and take a lap around the office before the blood decided to pool in my calves and send me to an early grave.

It was nearly 8 pm, so when I saw the illumination of a computer screen reflected in a set of big grey eyes, I was a bit surprised. Elliot Alderson had accepted our offer and started at CIStech three weeks ago. He was proving to be an excellent engineer, and once he settled in, I wanted to assign him to the white hat team.

However, Colin saw fit to initiate a trial by fire and made Elliot the project manager for the development of a new code that could counter a DDoS flooding attack.  

Colin may have done it to be an asshole, but I permitted it out of curiosity to see if my hire had what it took to climb. It was already clear that Elliot’s skills were unmatched. If he could pitch, he would be on the fast-track to becoming my boss one day.

When he saw me approach, his fingers immediately stilled and a look of apprehension crossed his features.

“Hey, Elliot. Working late?” I asked, surprised at the butterflies in my stomach as I initiated a conversation with him.

“I’m sorry if I disturbed you, Ms. Y/L/N. I didn’t realize how late it was,” Elliot said in his deep voice, his words rolling out in that gentle monotone.

“Y/N. It’s Y/N—we don’t do that Mr. and Ms. stuff once you’re hired. Call me crazy, but I like to think of all 50 or so of us as a family. Distant and dysfunctional, sure. But whose family isn’t?” I finished with an awkward chuckle at my own joke.

Elliot looked at me, his expression unreadable, and said nothing for what felt like an obscene amount of time. I’m certain my cheeks colored at my failed attempt at a joke and his subsequent silence. I began to feel an urgent need to fill the quietness with this almost-stranger I just called “family” when Elliot finally spoke.

“That’s . . . nice.”

I laughed and said, “You’re not much of a talker, are you?”

Elliot gave me a tiny smile, if you could even call the fleeting upturn of his lips before they drew back into a straight line a smile.

“No. I’m not.”

I thought for a few seconds, wanting my first one-on-one interaction with Elliot to be right. A thousand things to say barreled through my mind like Shanghai’s Maglev, and I saw Elliot’s attention turn back to his computer, his fingers twitching, probably wondering if it would be rude to go back to work.

“Do you know what I wish, Elliot?” I said, my words rushed as I reigned in the speeding train of my thoughts.

“No,” Elliot said, looking at me with genuine confusion.

“I wish we had a code we could input to just automatically cut out the bullshit of small talk. Imagine if our minds could input all of that information—we’d know right away whether or not a person was to our liking, whether they would be someone who could become our friend.”

Elliot looked at me, his eyes shining from the monitor in the dark of the office, his mouth a bit agape; he looked at me as if I were either the first human he’d ever seen or the last human he’d ever see—I couldn’t make up my mind on the former or the latter.

“Is that totally crazy?” I asked.

“It’s the least crazy thing I’ve ever heard,” Elliot said, his voice breaking with its normal monotone to convey honesty.  

I smiled, and the butterflies in my stomach finally settled. I moved around Elliot’s desk and leaned on the edge. He scooted his chair back so he could angle it toward me, his hands fidgeting, unsure what to do without a keyboard underneath of them.

“I’m willing to pretend that code is real—we’ve scanned each other, determined we’re cool, and can now proceed along the route of friendship. At least, that’s what my data has output.”

Elliot grinned, and the fucking butterflies came back in full force. There was no part of my 8 pm afterwork self that was equipped to handle how damn good-looking this guy was.  

“My data reads the same,” he said, his smile turning shy, his eyes flickering away from my face and toward the floor.

“Excellent. So, as emerging friends, I want to confess that, believe or not, I’m not much of a talker either.”

“I—I don’t think we are the same kind of not-talkers,” Elliot said, frowning up at me.

“Do me a favor. Tomorrow, pay attention after you pitch the DDoS counter plan. Once the pitch is out, everyone shoots off their own ideas and if they don’t have an original thought, they’ll turn to criticism. I won’t say a word—I never do.”

“Why?” Elliot asked, clearly interested because his response was immediate.

“Because I listen. People are so consumed by a need to have self-validation that they talk just to talk, hoping something that comes out of their mouth is what sparks someone else’s path to self-validation. It’s a . . . circle jerk, if you don’t mind me speaking in my ‘off the clock’ tongue.”

Elliot’s mouth had dropped open a little again as he listened, his brows drawn in as he gave it some thought—well, a lot of thought because once again, the silence bordered on oppressive before he spoke again.

“I thought people only said things like that inside their minds. Especially bosses.”

“Did I reveal an inherent human truth you were unaware of?”

Elliot chuckled, a gravelly rumble, and it was the cutest damn thing I had ever heard.

“No—I’ve thought the same thing for as long as I can remember.”

“See? Our data chose well. Now, do you want to sit there and tell me more about how unalike we are or are you ready to trust me enough to help you with whatever is plaguing you about pitching tomorrow?”

“How did you—” Elliot began before sighing and popping off of his chair to stalk over to the window. It took me by surprise that a little piece of his mask was so readily falling away.

I stayed where I was, even though his form was little more than a shadow that moved against the backdrop of the lighted city.

“I am not good with people,” Elliot said, his voice sounding harsh and too loud in the quiet office. “I don’t know how to talk to them one-on-one, so I sure as hell don’t know how to talk to them in a group. All I can think of when I get in front of anyone is how much of an idiot they think I am. I even typed up a letter of resignation,” Elliot said, his voice returning to its normal murmur with his confession.

This time, it was my turn to nurse the quiet. I thought about saying, Bullshit—you’re talking to me. You can do anything you put your mind to! But Elliot wasn’t someone who needed a pep-talk. He was deeper than that—probably even deeper than I could ever comprehend. “I’m not gonna bullshit you. You could walk out of here and get hired just about anywhere in any one of these buildings with your skill set. But I’d like to believe that you care, maybe just a little, that I am the one who extended you an offer—gave you a shot at your first ‘real’ job. So, yeah, you can run. But you’ll hurt my feelings if you do.” Whatever Elliot was expecting me to say, it wasn’t that. He walked back to stand in front of me and he blinked those big eyes that were once again a reflection of the light blue of the desktop.

“You don’t even know me enough to be affected by anything I do. I’m just another cog in the wheel.” I thought we were on a path to friendship, but if this was Elliot’s response to my admission I cared about whether or not he quit, I knew he was hiding, deep, deep inside of himself. “What makes you think you’re unworthy of general human concern? You are human, aren’t you?” I said, once again making an awkward joke for myself to softly laugh at. “I—I didn’t mean that I—" “Careful, Elliot. You intrigue me. And when people intrigue me, I have to figure them out. Have to.”

Elliot took off toward the window again, pacing as he struggled to convey his fear.

“Like I said, I’m not much of a talker and I’m not very good with people. I can do anything with a computer, but people. I just . . . can’t.”

“Mmm, until I see a T-800 running around and declaring “I’ll be back,” I will disagree with you that you can do ‘anything’ with a computer.”

Elliot stopped pacing and turned to face me, his head comically turned to the side as he decided whether or not to finally laugh at one of my jokes.

This time, he did laugh, a soft little chuckle as he shook his head and shoved his hands in his pants’ pockets.

“Let me make you an offer—”

“An offer I can’t refuse?”

I giggled and shook my head.

“Yes! He jokes! We really are on the path to friendship. . . which means, I want to help you: Fill me in on the details of what you’ve designed, and we can practice. Come on—we’ll go in the meeting room.”

“I can’t ask you to—”

“You did not ask. I gave you a command. All you have to do is type Y,” I said in a sing-song voice, smiling before pushing off the edge of his desk and walking toward the meeting room.

I turned after a moment to see Elliot grab his laptop and follow me.

When we crossed the office to the meeting room, I paused with my hand on the door.

“Actions help us believe what our minds have convinced us not to believe—if I truly thought you were nothing more than a cog, would I give my time to you? Tell me—what’s more valuable than time?”

Elliot didn’t answer me. Instead, he smiled at me, his expression conveying his gratitude.

I turned the knob and walked toward the sofa, plopping onto the cushion.

“So, fill me in.”

* * * * *

Elliot and I passed many nights like this, and I quickly realized Elliot wasn’t going to follow in my footsteps and climb up the management ladder. After his DDoS proposal, Colin followed my recommendation and moved Elliot to the white hat hackers, a small team of ten. The white hats worked a little more in isolation than the other techs, which is what Elliot wanted. 

So, we worked. We talked. We listened. We ate too much take-out and spent too many late hours at the office.

Our data was compatible, which would be Elliot-speak for saying, “We became friends.” 

***Present***

“Elliot! Elliot, what happened?” I asked as I dropped to my knees and rolled him the rest of the way onto his back.

His eyes snapped open and darted around the room, looking everywhere but at me. Elliot scooted away and backed up to the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest and crossing his arms over his legs. He looked like a trapped, feral animal, trying to make itself as small as possible to avoid capture.

I noticed the cuts and the trails of blood that smeared across his hands, and I saw that there was blood on the floor where he had been laying. As I looked him over, I also saw a gash across his forehead that ran into his hairline. Blood was still trickling down the side of his face.

“Elliot,” I said again in a soft, calm voice.

He still didn’t react; instead, he looked around the room and started mumbling, thumping the back of his head off the wall.

I got up and quickly moved to drop down in front of him, placing my hand between his head and the wall. It looked like he already had a concussion and I didn’t want him to hurt himself anymore.

“Elliot. Hey. It’s Y/N. You’ve gotta focus, sweetheart. Focus on my voice.”

I kept repeating myself in the same soothing tone. After a few moments, I slowly reached out and grasped his shoulder, running my thumb over the material of his light grey dress shirt.

Slowly, Elliot stopped moving his head and his eyes stopped darting. I still had no idea what he was mumbling and if it weren’t for the vibrations of his chest and the very subtle movements of his lips, I wouldn’t have known he was speaking.

When Elliot finally fixed his eyes on my face, his brows contracted into confusion.

“Y/N?” he said, his voice raspy, like someone who had been talking too loudly over music or who had smoked too many cigarettes in a night.

“Hey,” I said smiling and removing my hand from his shoulder.

“Shit! The servers!” Elliot said, and tried to dart up, but I held him back.

“No. Don’t move. Your head is bleeding and so are your hands. I need to get you to a hospital.”

Once again Elliot’s eyes began to look everywhere but my face and he tried to scramble up. This time, he broke free from my grasp and I found myself flat on my ass as he bolted up from the floor.

He didn’t get very far because after about three steps he swooned and crashed into one of the broken servers. I scrambled to my feet and helped him sit back down on the floor.

“See? Hospital. Now.”

This time Elliot looked right at me, his eyes filled with tears as he begged me not to take him to a hospital. The display of pure emotion was a shock for me—even though Elliot and I spent a lot of time together, he was always very careful in his interactions and remained emotionally distant. To see him so vulnerable made me rethink my insistence.

“Shh, okay. Okay. Listen—I don’t know if you’re concussed or what, but can you tell me anything about what happened? Or when this happened? If the tapes never went out. . .” I trailed off, unable to even imagine the repercussions.  

“The courier left at 4:48.”

I raised my eyebrow at Elliot’s precise answer.

“Okaaaay.”

“I remember the time because—” Elliot broke off and looked away.

“Because why?”

“That’s when they locked me in here,” he mumbled, his voice barely audible over the buzzing of the air conditioning that kept the server room so cool.

My phone rang, startling both of us. As I talked, Elliot retreated further into himself again, his knees pressed to his chest once more, his eyes fixed firmly on the floor.

“Yes, I’m at work, Miles.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah.”

“We definitely have a problem, but everything’s been backed up—the tapes were couriered out this afternoon.”

“No—you don’t need to come in.”

“Uh, it’s a problem with the a few of the servers themselves, some broken parts. Listen, I promise—I’ll take care of it and everything will be up and running on Tuesday like nothing ever happened.”

“You’re welcome—enjoy your night.”

“I will. Bye.”

I hung up the phone and stood up, leaving Elliot to himself for a moment. I surveyed the damage that was apparently done by Elliot himself. My mind couldn’t even grasp the idea that people I supervised, many of whom I had hired myself, would do something so inhumane.

It was no secret that people avoided Elliot, even his white hat teammates—he was closed off, smarter than most of them, and worked harder than all of them. I wasn’t blind to the way he was he treated, but I also knew him in a different way; I knew he kept to himself because it was so difficult for him to socialize with people he considered strangers.

I also knew Elliot didn’t mean to do this.

After I surveyed the damage, I began thinking outloud, “Towers 2, 3, 6, and 7 are fucking toast, but the rest are untouched. I need to synchronize the traffic to the secondary servers and synch the databases. Since it’s Memorial Day weekend, the traffic is light enough that no real damage should have been done. I have a friend who might be able to get us new towers.”

Elliot was watching me as I talked and figured out how to fix his mess.

“I can—” he began, but I cut him off.

“I have to tell them how this happened, Elliot. I’m not making any promises, but if I can fix it by Tuesday morning, you might be able to keep your job. And I can promise you, the fucking assholes that did this to you won’t.”

Elliot looked to the floor again, his face filled with sadness.

“Sit—do not move while I grab some papertowels and ice.”

Elliot gave me a barely perceptible nod, and I went off to gather what I needed to ice his head and clean up the blood.

When I came back, Elliot was sitting at the desk in the server room, his fingers poking over the keys on the keyboard.

“Damnit, Elliot! I said not to move.”

“This is all my fault. I have to fix it. I have to fix it. I have to—”

I cut him off by lifting his arms away from the keyboard and scooting the rolling chair back. Elliot turned his bloodshot eyes to mine, the rims lined with red and I wondered if he’d been crying.

I sighed and placed my hands on both of his shoulders.

“This is not your fault,” I said firmly, my eyes flickering between his, refusing to release him from my gaze until he listened to me.

Elliot opened his mouth, then closed it, choosing not to fight me.

“Hold this on your head,” I said, tearing my eyes from his face, and reaching for the ice pack I had set on the desk.

Elliot complied, and I turned back to the desk to finish synchronizing the servers. Once I was done, I wiped up the blood on the floor with the wet papertowels, then unplugged the damaged servers.

“Now, let’s get out of here. Your head is still bleeding,” I said as I made a final lap to check for damage.

I helped Elliot up by wedging my hand under his elbow, careful to avoid his fucked up hands. For a moment, the two of us were face-to-face. His eyes lifted up to look into mine and I sighed, reaching up to grasp his chin and turn his head to look at the gash.

“Head wounds are the worst. Never can tell how deep they are,” I whispered, looking closely at his cut.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“I know, El. Come on.”

Elliot followed me out of the server room and I locked the door. After throwing away the bloodied papertowels in the bathroom, I came out to see Elliot at his desk, struggling into his hoodie, hissing as his bleeding and bruised hands slid through the fabric.

“I’ll get your backpack,” I said as I approached and reached under his desk to pull it out. “Is there anything else you need?”

Elliot shook his head no and I shrugged into his backpack. He stayed close as I set the alarm and waited for the elevator, neither one of us wanting to talk.

“Good night, Lance,” I called toward the front desk as I kept walking.

“Eh, Ms. Y/L/N? Do you need me to call—”

“Nope—all is well! Sorry you’re stuck here tonight, though,” I said with a wave.

“Me, too,” Lance answered, chuckling a little.

I led Elliot to the passenger door of my SUV, opening it and then waiting for Elliot to get in. Once I made sure he was settled, I shut the door and opened up the back door to take off his backpack and place it onto the seat.

I got in, buckled up, and put the key in the ignition. The radio started belting out the Britney Spears song I was rocking to on the way in, and I quickly turned it down after Elliot and I both jumped.

“Now you know my darkest secret,” I said shaking my head.

Elliot looked at me, the hint of the smallest smile in the universe turning up one corner of his mouth.

“I’m taking you to my place and I don’t want an argument. I have a friend who is a PA and I’m going to call her. She’s going to look at your head and if she says you need to go to the hospital, you are going to go. Is that clear?”

Elliot frowned and his eyes looked to the door as if he was contemplating whether or not he could escape.

I quickly put the SUV in gear and swerved out into the street to prevent him from making a move.

“Ok,” he said quietly, knowing he had no other choice.

#Elliot Alderson #elliot alderson x reader #female reader #elliot x reader #elliot alderson fanfic #rami malek #rami malek character #mr robot #mr robot fanfiction

[bbq-hawks-wings]

I just had this dream about Hawks last night. I was traveling to Japan for something and staying at a place I think may have been owned by a friend or a friend of a friend. Anyway, the room itself was a weird mix of Japanese style and Western style furniture and a lot of details like old gaming systems and toys for a little boy for some reason, but I had the room to myself.

The rest of the hotel(cafe?) had almost this outdoor eatery vibe that I could only call vaguely Japanese because there were these long wooden table and benches and grill plates on the tables for some reason on very Japanese-looking architecture. I think there may have been a local cooking contest that night for whoever could make the best version of the other half of their signature dish (which was just a literal piece of fried toast? Like, those heavenly, thick, fluffy slices they have over there, but just grilled to be nice and a little crunchy on the outside). The outdoor eating place was literally right on the water, though, so it was beautiful.

Anyway, Hawks first shows up because I think he was called to a meeting there with people, presumably other heroes. A villain naturally rears its head and he takes it out in swift fashion, though when he first appears he goes on this grandiose babble along the lines of how "your shining Knight has come to save you" in delightful Engrish before speaking his native language and dispatching it.

Villain quickly forgotten he makes his way inside the place and changes into civvies. I barely noticed any of this, it went by so fast and I was putting things in my room. Came back out for some grub and went to find a seat, though what with the competition going on, seating is hard to find. He sees me from the very end of the walkway/pagoda whatever and must think I'm cute because his face lights up when he sees me and flags me down and gestures for me to sit next to him and his group. Narrator me knows what's going on, dream me doesn't, and as much as I think the guy's cute I have no idea who he actually is and don't speak much Japanese at all; but I need a seat and he seems friendly enough with a big group of people to keep tabs. However, I still try to scoot a little over to give myself room as the seat directly next to him is EXTREMELY close - like practically in his lap close - and I dig in.

The group, including civillian Endeavor, I think, notices he seems to be into me for whatever reason and notices I'm a tad uncomfortable as well as notes they were talking business but it's nothing actually confidential and I don't seem to understand so they just let it all happen and keep an eye on it all. There's not a lot of small talk made until I try to pin the place's souvenir pin to my designated pin-hat I had clipped to either my belt or bag for the time (a thing I actually own) and he notices the cute accessory and the drawing I drew that fell out (an Aristocat fanart or something, super random) and gets all smiley and whatnot all over again, trying to ask me about it in broken English while I shyly try to answer politely in broken Japanese.

When I realize I've begun to become assimilated into the background noise of this meeting I excuse myself, partially due to embarrassment from the sudden attention I'd been receiving from Hawks and polite small talk the others (mostly men) had been trying to have to ease me into the group dynamic. I thank them and wish them good night when I head back to my room (which, for some reason the sliding door is literally *right there* at the end of that eatery hall?) and not long after that, the group dissolves and leaves to pay for the meal as I can see through the thin, backlit paper walls.

Hawks comes back one more time after that, though, maybe feeling bad for making me feel uncomfortable or maybe to get my number or both, and knocks on my door; but with my head buried in a shelf filled with the old video game consoles, one of which is still running (I think the boy who was here earlier forgot to clean up behind him so I was doing that and happened to notice how many cartridges were in English) I didn't hear it until he gave up waiting or tried not to be creepy by lingering too long and I didn't notice until I caught his shadow walking back down the hall.

And then my alarm went off.

My brain would have probably tried to bring him back the next day or something as it was late, but either way I haven't been genuinely hit on often or even dated more than three guys in my life so while in-universe me was characteristically awkward, dreaming me loved it. It was also a heck of a lot better than the Grinch-demon apocalypse nightmare I was having before.

#she rambles #hiatus

[the-risen-tide]

OKAY SO, I finally went to see the new Cats movie in theaters.  I wanted to give myself a bit to collect my thoughts, because HOO BOY are there thoughts.  Not terrible ones though...like my reviews of everything else, I gave it a look with a level head.

Because I can’t really review without spoilers, I’m going to put my thoughts under a cut.  Read at your own peril.

Now, I’d promised myself ages ago that I’d go into the movie with an open mind and a clear head.  I’d already seen reviews that were divided greatly on it (mostly between people who’d already seen Cats on stage and those that have never seen it ever), but as usual it’s a good idea to have your own opinion.

That said.

I loved it.

The weird part is, at first, I came away from it thinking that I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would.  But everything about it from the visuals to the music (especially the new song, I’ll get to that in a bit) and the story, all of it was still sticking with me after I left the theater, and I began loving it more in hindsight than I did sitting there in the moment, if that makes sense.

Cats has always been one of those shows that breaks quite a few rules of what people think a show should be.  More an opera than a musical, more a dance/ballet performance than a story, with a look that allows the audience to use their imaginations, and as such can put more than a few people off of it.  It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but despite that, it’s memorable, and has a great following.  The movie seemed to try to take that feeling from the stage show, strange and mystifying and daunting (maybe even a bit awkward), yet charming and inspiring and heart-catching.  In many ways it succeeded, and some ways it didn’t...and where it didn’t was probably mostly the fault of the presentation.  And of course, opinions are going to vary wildly on it.

But anyway, for those that know and love the show, it’s a good idea to see this one as just another production, an alternate canon, because you can’t compare each production to each other (much less a movie to a stage show), as that’s where an adaptation fails in everyone’s minds.  This one seemed to take inspiration from the original 1981 production and build a new story from the ground up, while of course still keeping the music and songs that everyone loves.  The lyrics of some of the songs do call back to the original production (the version of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer used was from that one, and not from the 1998 video and subsequent performances, which I found surprising; but not displeasing, they did it very well), and while I was a little disappointed that Jemima/Sillabub wasn’t an important character as she is in the stage show, I remember Lloyd Webber at first wanting a kitten character with both Victoria’s dance prowess and Jemima’s singing prowess, who embodies the show as a whole.  He got what he wanted in movie form with Victoria, and they took the character to a whole different direction than the original, which was interesting.

So, to sum up, one can see this movie as an adaptation of the original ideas for the stage show.  It isn’t my personal canon concept, but it’s one I ended up liking just as much.  Now, here are my personal likes and dislikes.

Dislikes: The background characters aren’t given as much personality as they are on stage, or at least, aren’t shown as much personality; and with many of them taking on different designs, it’s hard to tell who’s who until you see the credits, where everyone’s named.  You only ever know a few of the main characters, their own stories, and that’s it.  Not even Munkustrap gets named directly, and he’s still got his role as the sort-of narrator and introduction to the world of the Jellicles.  Of course, this is probably a minor grudge, as background characters can’t be as prevalent in a movie version without it going on longer than needed.  But, at least they’re still there, and still lend their charm to the setting, and perhaps in subsequent watches I’ll be able to see more of who everyone is and what they’re doing.

Still, leaving characters in the background also means leaving various character relationships behind, save for the main ones.  Demeter, who in the stage show is still an ensemble character (but an important one for the subplot of Macavity), has been downgraded to another of many minor characters; Cassandra now mostly fills the role of a forefront ensemble singer, and nobody really seems to have anything that connects one to another emotionally.  Basically it was like the relationships common to many of the productions were ret-conned or tossed altogether; the focus is on the main characters.  But again, another minor grievance, as it is a movie, and a separate production, and no production is canon...and we still have our imaginations to go on. X3

Also, personally, I disliked that they made Bombalurina evil.  On stage, though she’s presented as the “good-bad girl”, attractive and seductive, she’s still a beloved part of the ensemble, friend to quite a few of the queens, and protective in a sisterly way over Demeter.  “Macavity” is meant as a duet with the two warning the others of his malevolent deeds; in the movie, she’s not seen until nearly the end, and the song is sung in praise of him while helping him bring the Ball to a halt.  It was a good number, though, and the different take on the character probably had to be there plot-wise...but still, IMHO the character deserves better.

Plus, it’s no wonder why Munkustrap was thought boring by his actor; they didn’t really give him his “protector” role.  The fight with Macavity is taken out entirely.  Again, Munk as a character also deserves better.

Also, Jennyanydots deserves better. X3 She’s presented as a comedy-relief character, and honestly I think they tried a little too hard with that, along with Bustopher Jones; both of their segments were a tad cringey to me...but theirs were the only ones, really.  The music in them was still superb, it was just the way they were presented.  They could have probably just stuck Bustopher with the comic-relief role (as he is somewhat in the stage show), and that would’ve been sufficient.

I believe those were my only grievances.  Now let’s get to what I liked.

THE MUSIC, first of all.  STILL awesome.  I feel like, really, the movie kept in what made the stage show important...and as with musicals, that was keeping the tones of the beloved songs, from the overture at the beginning all the way to The Ad-dressing of Cats.  That plus the impressive dancing.  I could still catch some little bits of choreography from the stage show in them, although mainly it was all revamped for the movie...but they kept the music, so that’s the biggest point (though some were edited down a bit to make time for dialogue; understandable, still).  Skimbleshanks’ number has to be the most impressive, by far.

Adding to this, the new song, Beautiful Ghosts, written together by Lloyd Webber and Taylor Swift.  Wow. You can tell they made a song that would really fit into the show...it’s haunting and sad, and yet hopeful, and the more I listen to it with Victoria’s story in mind, the more I tear up. It’s brilliant.

The story, I also liked.  I admit, it has to be hard to try and make a plot out of a musical that has a fairly bare-bones presentation to it, and is mostly comprised of songs adapted from a poetry book about cats.  There are many ways they probably could have taken the plot, but they did it very well, in my opinion; plus they still kept the most important events from the stage show: Grizabella’s redemption arc, and Macavity’s trying to derail things, straight down to kidnapping Old Deuteronomy and her being brought back through Mistofelees’ magic; I love how that bit was presented, too.  He and the others are expecting a grandiose magic return, and instead it’s off-screen and softly sung, and as the music swells from solemn to joyous, you know it’s just as magical all the same.

I knew that Growltiger would make an appearance in this, but I didn’t realize he’d be made his own character, when in the play, he’s a character that Gus the Theater Cat played in the past...only the first few lines of his song was sung, too.  But at least they kept his appearance from the play, down to the “somewhat-missing” ear. X3 That bit was clever, I liked it.

Also, Victoria and Mistofelees are adorable as heck in this one, can’t lie.  XD

Speaking of the characters, the casting too is pretty great.  Robert Fairchild, I could see actually playing Munkustrap on stage.  He has the same cadence and comforting tone of voice and is a lovely singer. Sir Ian Mckellan, I couldn’t see anyone else playing Gus (he even has a very similar voice to the original 1981 cast member)...and Taylor Swift did make a good Bombalu, if in appearance and voice. X3  And of course we can’t forget Francesca Hayward’s performance as Victoria; hope to see her career expand.  Dame Judi Dench made a very regal Deuteronomy (and yes, the thought of a female Deut has grown on me), and it’s good to see that she got to be in Cats, knowing her history.  And as predicted, Idris Elba made a pretty sinister Macavity. X3

So, all in all?

This movie probably gets so many negative reviews from the general public, because most of the general public has never seen the musical, and really don’t know what to make of the adaptation. X3 This is definitely not for anyone who doesn’t like musical theater, let alone Cats...I feel that the movie was only made with the true fans in mind.  And that’s just fine; not everything has to cater to the public at large, because if you try to do that, it’s not really a passion project. Cats has always been unique, and still is, and there are people out there who very much appreciate the hard work that has been put into it.  The sets are phenomenal.  The CGI could use work, but for an experimental style, it was done pretty well (yes, it’s possible to get past the uncanny-valley looks of the characters, at least it was for me, because they didn’t bother me in the first place).  It shows that they tried hard to stay true to the spirit of the stage show, while also putting something completely new into it.  And I think they nailed the spirit, which is the important thing in an adaptation: the spirit.

There’s a few things that could be changed, namely in presentation overall...they could have used another director, to be honest...but the casting, the music, the dancing...heck, some of the designs...that’s all good.  Actually it’s funny to me to observe how easy it is to make a musical-type movie into a stage show, a-la The Lion King, but how hard it is to do it the other way around. XP

Would I watch it again?  Heck yes.  Buy the DVD?  Heck yes (especially once they’ve put out the full version).  Does it hold up to other productions?  No, but I didn’t expect it to; it’s a movie.  They took all the essential things and rebuilt it, simple as that.

And so, overall, I give the movie a score of 3.5 out of 5.  It’s not my canon, but it’s still good, and you can ignore the hell out of the reviewers, they’re all plebs. XD

Thank you, my dears!

#text post #blog post #movie reviews #cats the movie #cats the musical #cats musical #cats 2019 #cats spoilers