star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 16
pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader
genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers
synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.
word count: 25K
warnings: cursing, drinking, mutual pining, mostly just a lot of angst, yn is insanely in love its actually a lot, making out, jealousy, grinding, hyunjin is a little mean, sexual tension, tons of new characters, a lot of coincidences, mature content, angst
a/n: soo hyunjin dropped contradicting and somehow it's absolutely perfect for this chapter. this part does also have undertones of 'love untold' in it too, and im very excited to finally be writing the city arc! this was a long time coming and i really hope you enjoy it. theres tons of angst in this so im sorry about that. please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!
important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.
masterlist
The girl next to him was pretty, in a timeless Marilyn Monroe kind of way. She had striking features, and even from this little interaction you knew her face would be burned into your memory. She was standing next to Hyunjin so simply, as if that wasn’t a place that you had been pining for all these months.
Her hand rested on the small of his back, animated eyes as she talked to him. Even now, he looked as good as the day he left. The trench coat fit his body just right, and he was so much taller than everyone else in this shop. His hair had grown longer in your absence and chocolate strands brushed his shoulders.
The last time you saw him, he kissed you until your lips were bruised, and his pants were stained with cum.
Right now… he was pretending like you didn’t even exist.
The woman looked over her shoulder, eyes meeting yours briefly as if she’d felt your burning gaze. You ought to be embarrassed that you were caught staring, yet you stood your ground. You expected a sneer, but she smiled at you — the polite kind of smile you give strangers as you pass them in the street — before turning to him again.
Monstrous curiosity clawed at your chest, gut turning in envy. She reached into her purse, an expensive-looking red bag that you couldn’t afford in any lifetime, and pulled out a black credit card. Before she could hand it into the cashier though, Hyunjin’s arm reached out, stopping her. He was touching her now, if only so briefly, but a wave of debilitating nausea overcame you. You could hear him saying, “Please, let me get this”
You were all the way across the store, but you’d be able to hear him among a million voices. The familiarity of his kindness pulled at your heartstrings.
The woman didn’t protest, probably because Hyunjin was the biggest star in this city, and he could afford anything he wanted, and everything she could ask for.
“That art building is just a few blocks down from here. I can tell you the way. It’s pretty easy” The boy you’d asked for help said. He had an employee uniform on, and a silver name tag that read “Jae”.
You’d quickly forgotten your purpose for being out and about in the streets of Seoul. You’d come here for a reason, to have a glimpse at the building you’d be studying at, the place you’d been dreaming of. Yet…you’d never longed for something as much as you did for Hyunjin.
“Yeah, um, thank you” You mumbled half-heartedly, eyes still on Hyunjin, “Can you just…give me a minute?”
It was rude of you to ask for help but not take it, only because you were distracted by a boy. “Sure, uh…take your time” The employee stepped away, not really caring about your internal drama.
Hyunjin’s back was still to you. You’d been worried about why you couldn’t contact him this entire time. A part of you was relieved; if he was here that meant he was okay, even after disappearing entirely off the grid.
He grabbed the paper bag they’d purchased, a blue cereal box peeking out, threatening to topple. It didn’t fit in the bag, but he made no effort to fix it. He didn’t seem too involved in the task. They had finished bagging their snacks, and that meant they’d leave.
There was nobody in the shop anymore, except you and them. A black car was parked just outside. It was probably his. Once he got in the car…he’d be far away from you, down a thousand identical streets and hidden between skyscrapers you’d never find him in. There were ten million people in this city. How would you ever find him again? You had no fucking way of contacting him.
He walked past where you stood in the aisle, and your pulse was pounding in your ears, tunnel vision shielding everything else.
You’d been searching for him this entire time…you couldn’t just let him walk away.
It was now or never.
He pushed the door open, and outside air swirled in.
It snapped you into action.
“Hyunjin?” Your voice wavered, and it wasn’t loud enough for this city. Your plea was drowned amongst sirens, traffic and noise.
But he stopped walking, shoulders tensing.
He heard you.
Hurriedly, you stepped towards him, navigating through the messy snacks aisle. Your hands were shaking, and you pushed them into your jacket pockets to hide that. The effect he had on you was embarrassing, even at such a time.
“Can I just talk to you for a second?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound as desperate or nervous as you felt.
He turned around to look at you, and his knuckles were white from how tight he was gripping their bags. The grocery must be heavy, and even in a circumstance like this, you worried for him. His gaze on you was unrecognizable. It was almost like it wasn’t really him at the moment…as if he’d been replaced by a carbon copy, which was colder and meaner, and didn’t feel anything for you.
His eyes zeroed in on you, and you suddenly felt so conscious. You wish you’d dressed up better, instead of this dull, beige coat you picked off a thrift shop back home. This was the first he was seeing you after months, and you weren’t prepared. You shot him a smile. Quick and rough, and forced, but a smile nonetheless.
He had to know you were happy to see him. Inside, you were screaming.
The girl at his side looked at you again, eyebrows raised in confusion. Her earlier politeness had worn off, and now she just looked bothered. Who even was this woman?
There’d be time for questions later though, because she pulled at his arm, “Come on. We’ll be late Hyunjin” Her tone had authority to it, a kind of tone you’d never used with him.
“Can we talk?” You repeated your question. The woman wrinkled her nose, and now that you really looked at her…she was much older than you. She had expensive taste, clearly, and an aura of confidence you could never possess.
Hyunjin’s mouth parted, and then closed again, like he was having trouble speaking. There was so much to say, after all. But even if he couldn’t talk right now, you’d be happy to just know if he was okay.
You wanted to ask him for his number, but you waited, giving him the time to say whatever was on his mind. There must be a lot on it. It had to be his company pulling the strings and making him cut off all contact with you. He had to have been forced somehow, because he wasn’t that kind of person.
The longer he said nothing, the dizzier you felt. The truth was becoming obvious. Maybe it wasn’t all that far-fetched to believe that he had cut you off….on purpose.
Your chest tightened impossibly, a horrible feeling building up in your gut. There were lines in his forehead, and guilt in his eyes. Your nails dug into your palms as you tightly clenched your fists, but you were numb to that pain.
But it had to be a misunderstanding, because Hyunjin would never do that to you, would he? In fact, he’d…never do that to anyone. He was far too kind to resort to something like complete radio silence.
“I’m sorry” He spoke.
Your knees almost gave out at his voice. You’d missed it so much, and your heart was catching up to your mind, to register what he said.
Sorry for what?
He swallowed hard, steely gaze meeting your confused one, “I’m sorry… I don’t have time for this”
Before you could even process those words, he had walked out into the cold night, leaving you standing in the stupid fucking store, all by yourself. That was all there was to it.
Maybe everything that you knew about Hyunjin was wrong.
»»————-
“I’m sorry. I can’t help you…you do not have authorisation to enter the building” The security guard repeated, for the third time that night, as if you needed any more humiliation right now.
Your cheeks were burning red, and you were trembling from the cold, “Please, he knows who I am. Just ask him”
He was visibly annoyed, “If you don’t have a visitor pass, you have to stay in the lobby, until the employee buzzes you in”
You tightened your coat around yourself, trying to reason, “I can’t get through to him. Just tell him I’m here. He’ll buzz me in, I swear”
He sighed, exasperated by your desperation. You were embarrassed, and shameful, but you didn’t know what else to do. If you went home now, you might cry till you threw up. You’d cry till it was dawn, and until you heard the morning traffic outside your apartment. The only thing stopping you from bawling right now was the watchful eyes of the people around you.
You’re numb inside. You’re so, so confused.
None of it makes any sense, but your brain hurts just thinking about it.
It was so late, everybody was leaving the building, and you were the only one trying to get in. A female employee was buzzing out, pushing through the turnstiles. She looked between you and the doorman, “Something wrong?”
The guard sighed, another indication of how less of a fuck he gave about you, “She says she knows an employee in the building, but she has no visitor pass”
You looked at her, “Can you please just tell him Y/N is here? He’ll understand”
Her gaze softened at the state of you, “What’s his name? I’ll see what I can do”
You told her… and then you waited.
It was embarrassing to be standing there as hundreds of employees exited, eyeing you up, wondering why you were just standing there. The longer it took for him to come, the shakier you felt. Like you’d lose grip of yourself. It was getting chillier, and your insides hurt.
Then you heard his voice. He basically yelled your name, rushing through the crowd of employees, a beeline straight to you, “Y/N? What are you doing here?”
He was like your angel — ashy blonde hair drifting against the air conditioning of the lobby, a red scarf wrapped around his neck. “Oh my god” You stepped ahead, but a silver turnstile separated you from touching him, “I tried calling you”
He placed his card against the scanner, opening the gate so you could enter. There was no time to explain. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around your body. That was the thing you loved about Yeonjun the most. Hug first, questions later.
You buried your face in his neck, squeezing him, “I’m so sorry for just showing up, I needed to see you, Jun”
He pulled back to look at you, “I’m sorry my phone was on silent. I was working on a report, and I lost track of time”
The security guard was looking at the two of you, and he probably assumed you were a couple. He probably thought you were lovers, and if you were…everything might just have been easier. Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed in on your puffy, swollen eyes, “Wait. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Heat rushed to your cheeks. Had you overreacted by coming here? He must think it’s an emergency. You musthave overreacted. Your instinct made you apologise, “I’m sorry for coming here like this…”
He shook that thought away like it was nothing, “Come on. We’ll just grab my stuff, and then we can head home, all right?”
You let him lead you to the staff elevator, and he held on tightly to you through it all, which you appreciated. You didn’t want to be alone right now. You observed the office building that Yeonjun worked at. “Your building is…fancy” You mumbled, but your voice was hoarse, and you couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm.
“Yeah” He chuckled, glancing back at you, “Most companies are pretty serious about the security. There’s been a lot of data breaches recently so…”
“It was embarrassing to face off that guard. I thought he’d arrest me or something…by the way he was staring”
Yeonjun laughed, “He’d never do that. He was probably just caught off guard by how pretty you look”
Your chest squeezed at his sudden compliment. You leaned forward, wrapping an arm around his stomach to indulge him in a back hug. It was a strange display of affection for the elevator. But Yeonjun said nothing of it, squeezing your arm, and craning his neck to smile at you.
“We’re here” He told you, and you stepped out into a quiet office floor. After a monotonous and mundane hallway with doors that all looked the same, you arrived at his cubicle. The floors were grey, the doors were dark, and the ceiling was industrial exposed. You’re not sure if this was the best place for comfort right now, but it was all you had. It was better than your empty, soulless apartment.
Yeonjun’s desk was cleaner than you expected, arranged with knick-knacks and clutter. A polaroid of you and him was pinned to the bulletin, next to one of him and Hana. Your eyes trailed across his entire workspace. There were only pictures of Hana.
You stilled.
“Um, I’m sorry. I still need to clean up” He muttered, ripping the polaroids off the wall, as if to show you that he didn’t care. But it was clear to you by how he carefully placed them inside the drawer. He was still in love with her.There was a lump in your throat at the realisation. He hadn’t told you that, and Yeonjun shared everything with you.
He shot you a sheepish smile, “I’m just gonna finish sending an email. You can sit down”
There was a single swivel chair at his desk. “What about you?” You asked.
“I’ve been meaning to get off my feet anyway” He smiled, as you sat down.
You felt like a kid, watching him send the emails, with nothing to do but sit in your thoughts. It was still better than being at home. Alone.
“Do you always work this late?” You asked him, after a while. There was nobody else on the floor.
He shook his head, “No…there was a problem at work, I had to stay longer to figure it out”
“Oh”
He forcefully pushed a button on his keyboard, then turned to you, “So are you going to tell me why you’re here?”
You swallowed, fiddling with the clutter on his desk, rehearsing what happened in your head, and every way sounded stupid. So you mumbled, “It’s not that…important, actually. I should head home”
Yeonjun shut his laptop with a snap. Crossing his arms, he leaned against the desk to look at you, “Come on. Was it not what you expected?”
“Hmm?”
“The art building. That’s why you went out tonight. Is it not as good as you imagined?”
“Oh” You belatedly realised that and held back a bitter laugh, “I didn’t even get to it”
“What? You couldn’t find it?”
“I found him, Jun” You mumbled, staring at your sneakers.
“Found who?” He asked, before the realisation sank in, “Wait, him… as in Hyunjin? How!?”
That was your question too. How did you bump into him out of everyone in this city?
“I…he happened to be at the store that I stopped to ask for directions”
Jun’s eyebrows furrowed, and he knelt to be at eye level with you, “What happened then?”
“He was with some girl”
Without hesitation he said, “His manager?”
Your lip was quivering as you spoke, but you couldn’t be this fucking weak, “Maybe. I don’t really know…”
“It had to be. Hyunjin wouldn’t do that to you”
His faith in him was undeniable, and you felt like you’d break his heart by revealing the rest of the incident to him.
“She probably was. It’s not that, Jun…he walked right past me…I couldn’t even talk to him”
Yeonjun shook his head, “Are you sure he saw you?”
You recalled the look in Hyunjin’s eyes as he dismissed you completely, and the pain in your chest doubled at the reminder, “He saw me.”
“You’re sure?”
You looked at him, eyes filling with tears, “I’m sure.”
Yeonjun recoiled like a shotgun, standing up straight, and you weren’t expecting the immediate anger in his tone, “Why the fuck would he do that?”
You chewed on your lip, hoping it’d stop shaking, wishing you knew the answer to his question, “I don’t know”
“He didn’t even give you his new number?”
A sob built up in your throat, and your head was beginning to pain, “You’re not listening. He ignored me to my face, Jun. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe it was something I said…all those months ago”
“You could never” He scoffed, “It was because of the woman he was with. Hyunjin’s probably not allowed to just talk to someone in public”
“You really think so?”
Yeonjun didn’t even look a little bit worried. He had his hands on his hips, “What else would it be, Y/N? He’d never ignore you. I don’t understand…”
You swallowed, trying to not cry, “Yeah. I just…had to see you. A few months ago, when his number changed, I was really hoping that when I came to the city, I could find him and fix things. There’s no way he’d do that on purpose. Of all people in the world, Hyunjin would never just cut me off without an explanation but…” You sniffled, “He wasn’t even happy to see me there. He just looked fucking disappointed. Like I made a mistake moving here, even though he all of people—” Your voice broke, “he, all of people knows how much I wanted to come here”
“Babe, please don’t cry” Yeonjun reached out, his thumb wiping away a tear. It was futile since you could already taste the salt on your lips.
This wasn’t what was supposed to happen, “He talked about how he missed me, I just don’t understand. Like, what even happened?”
“Come here” Yeonjun hugged you, and his t-shirt muffled your cries. He rubbed circles on your back, and you were thankful the floor was vacated, because you felt so stupid crying over a boy. Was Hyunjin even thinking about you right now? He had always hated seeing you cry, and now he was the entire reason for it.
You tightened your grip around him, “I’m sorry I’m ruining your tonight, Jun”
“Y/N” He frowned, pulling back to look at you, “Don’t ever say that again”
“Sorry…”
He looked upset and wiped the traces of tears off your lips, “Stop apologising too. This isn’t your fault”
You nodded, holding him still, “Can I please stay in your apartment tonight? I don’t want to go to my place right now”
He smiled, grabbing your bag off his desk, “I’ve told you before. You’ll always have a bed at my apartment, Y/N” He frowned suddenly, remembering something, “Um…I do have to warn you about something though…”
Maybe it was a mistake coming here. Right across Yeonjun’s apartment window, was a picture of Hyunjin. The billboard was huge, and he was plastered all over it. You almost didn’t recognise him at first. He looked like…a star.
His hair was perfectly in place, and sunglasses were pushed up to his head, like he was the protagonist of some action movie.
“You weren’t kidding about it being huge” You commented, watching from his bedroom.
He came to stand next to you, fiddling with the curtains, “I was hoping they’d change it soon, but Pegasus is pretty good at promoting the band. Downtown, they’re on almost every billboard”
At least now you knew you wouldn’t be going Downtown anymore. It was ironic that Hyunjin was everywhere in the city but out of reach for you. If that woman really was his manager, and he wasn’t allowed to even talk to you in public…then Hyunjin’s life was even tougher than you could have imagined.
Being famous must fucking suck, and being in love with someone famous was…soul-crushing.
“Anyway” He cleared his throat, “I ordered us some Chinese food”
You crossed your arms, you hadn’t realised you were starving, “Thank you, Jun…"
Yeonjun just smiled in return, leading you away from the bedroom window before pulling the curtains on the view. You were glad, because if he didn’t pull you away now, you’re afraid you’d stare at that picture for the rest of your life.
»»————-
The Atelier of the Arts was beautiful.
It was everything you could have imagined, and more. It’s where you’re supposed to spend the next two years of your life. The facade of the building was built almost entirely out of glass, resembling high-end universities you’d only seen in the movies. You felt minuscule in front of the scale and the grandeur of it. Being in Seoul for a few weeks now…you’d realised it was all about towering glass and steel structures, weaved in between all of the imperial history. You just wish you could appreciate it more right now.
A girl at the front desk thankfully told you where to go, and you carefully navigated the hallways until you were at the top floor.
You stared at what was meant to be your classroom. Sunlight cascaded through a transparent glass rooftop, casting a beautiful glow on the plants.
You only see green. There were plants of all kinds, flowers of every color and the air smelled sweet. It smelled citrusy, and like the drink Hyunjin made you on his last night.
The door was made of glass too, a brass knob sparkling against the sunlight.
You must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. This isn’t an art studio.
It’s a greenhouse.
Before you had time to retrace your steps, a girl interrupted you, “You’re not lost”
“I’m sorry?”
“Kim Jieong’s new student, right?” She asked, tilting her head at you.
You wonder what it is about you that gave you away. Was it the clothes? Or maybe it’s the bag you’re clutching tightly to your chest, sketchbook peeking out from within it. You’re joining in the middle of an ongoing semester, so you already stood out. “Yeah” You managed to say.
She smiled, proud to have got it correct, “You’re at the right place. The room’s just through there, after the hydrangeas. I’m going in now, if you wanna follow me”
She couldn’t be much older than you, and she’s so well put together.
Her accent was different, like she’s been born and bred in Seoul her whole life. She enunciated everything, frankly, in a way better to you. A denim skirt hung to her ankles, revealing Converse at her feet. Her hair was dirty blonde, tied up perfectly in place, and an amethyst choker sat at her collarbones.
You wonder if you’re underdressed on your first day of class. The creme cardigan you’re in is soft, and it’s comforting to your soul, but it’s not impressive. You found it in a thrift shop in Daejon; perhaps this is a sign you should go shopping here. You’re leading a new life, and you need clothes to match.
The girl was waiting for you to enter, but you’re not ready.
Kim Jieong has been your inspiration for as long as you can remember. He’s painted the most beautiful things known to you — expressing emotions you didn’t even know you had. The fact that he’s beyond those glass doors right now…you’re not ready. Yes…you’ve waited literally all your life, but you never thought it’d actually come to this. You wish you had someone to share this anticipation and excitement with, but all you have is your studio apartment, and its bare, dry walls. You’re trying to be positive, but somedays it feels impossible
A boy stepped through the elevator doors, and his eyes scrambled over your faded creme cardigan, and bag. You’re new here, and he’s clearly not. You can tell from the ease with which he carries himself, and by the way he looks like a picture-perfect rendition of an artist. If you searched “art student” on Pinterest, you’re pretty sure his picture would come up. He’s dressed in denim suspenders, expensive headphones hanging around his neck, paintbrushes tucked into his pockets.
“Hey” He smiled at you, “Are you… the student from Daejon?”
You nodded, holding your bag tighter on your shoulder, happy that he knew of your existence. You’d feared until the last minute that you getting in to the program had been another mess-up, and once you arrived…they’d tell you it was a mistake.
He tilt his head, “What’s your monogram?”
Your monogram. The initials you sign all your paintings with. You tell him your name, “Um…Y/N”
“Oh” He frowned, “I can’t remember if I’ve seen your work”
That’s because he hasn’t. You’ve never had a public exhibition, so how would he recognise you?
“Come on, you can get to know her later” The girl rolled her eyes at him, then looked at you, “Are you coming in…or are we going to chat here the rest of today?”
They didn’t tell you their names, even though you just told them yours. You should ask, but wouldn’t that come off too eager?
“Yeah. Sure” You forced a smile at her, and the girl’s face softened at that. It’s like she wasn’t expecting you to do that, like she expected you to be soulless and cold.
Tentatively, you stepped through the glass door, into the greenhouse-cum-studio. It’s like stepping in a fairytale, navigating through all the plants that jut out, magnificent fantastical flowers you haven’t seen even in the countryside. You reached out and touched a purple flower, the petals are coarse but the flower looked so soft.
You were walking on a metal walkway, a bridge over a little artificial stream. It reminded you so much of Daejon, it’s kind of funny that you’re actually thousands of miles away.
“Crazy place for a classroom, right?” The boy laughed. It’s like he read your mind.
You nodded, “I thought I was at the wrong place”
“You’ll get used to it” The girl looked over her shoulder to tell you. You’re standing between them, as they escort you to your class.
“The hydrangeas” She muttered, pointing to a set of purple flowers as you pass them.
As if stepping into Narnia, the plants suddenly cleared up, revealing a room. It’s big, and there’s an assortment of chairs, tables, easels, shelves, and paint. There’s so much to take in. You watched with wide eyes, and the boy laughed.
“It’s cool, right?” He asked you.
“Yeah” You breathed, “You could say that”
There were already a few students sitting at their easels, but they were too distracted setting up their paints to look up and notice you.
“Um, what are your names?” You ended up asking. Fuck being eager.
“I’m Minnie and that’s Jeonghan” She told you.
“No, I’m Nate. Nobody calls me Jeonghan except my mum” He rolled his eyes.
“Nate” You repeated, “Are you—”
“American? Yes he is, and feel free to call him Jeonghan…” Minnie finished your sentence, as she walked over to her easel.
He laughed, “I moved back to Korea a few years ago to study”
The room filled with people within seconds. There are not too many of you, just twenty, it’s an exclusive program after all. You looked around at the people who are supposed to be your classmates for the next few years. They all looked a little older than you and like they know their way around everything.
There’s only one unmarked empty stool in the corner, and it must be yours. After all, this internship was so exclusive, there wasn’t any space for extras. You took your place, opening up your supplies onto the little table. The stool was comfortable and had a plush back, so you wouldn’t kill your back when you were painting. It was already infinitely better than your set-up at home.
Minnie and Jeonghan took their places too, settling into a comfortable rhythm. Your other classmates greeted them with big smiles, but obviously…they didn’t look at you.
You’d never moved a day in your life, so this was unfamiliar — not knowing anyone in the room, and everything being new. But change was supposed to be good, right? You’d grown tired of stagnation, and so you’d chased this. Perhaps you could try conversing with the girls next to you, but where would you even start? They all knew each other from before. Why would they want to talk to a stranger?
A girl was giggling, settling into her chair, with two other friends, and they were teasing her about something but you don’t know the context. There was a cute boy across from you, and he was setting up his paints. He had earphones in, and was humming to the beat of an unknown song. He glanced up at you absentmindedly, but when your eyes met, your heart stung.
You were trying desperately to not think of Hyunjin.
But you’ve only been here for five minutes and you see Hyunjin in everything around you.
He would fall in love with this place — with the sunlight hitting the wooden boards, with how open it was, and he would probably know the name of every flower here. After all, he had to know to put them in pretty drinks to give to girls like you.
A student sitting opposite you had bleached hair, and she pulled it up into a bun and you thought of him again. Nothing could compare how it felt to card your fingers through his hair, and tug at it when he kissed you. You’d braided it back in his room, and it had been so soft to the touch, slipping through your fingers like sand.
“Hey” Someone tapped on your shoulder, and you pulled yourself out of the hopeless trench of daydreaming about him. You noticed her chunky platform boots first, and then you looked up at her, “Uh, hey”
“You’re the girl from the south?”
It was heartwarming that she started the conversation with you. You smiled, “Yeah. I’m from Daejon—”
“You’re in my spot”
“Sorry?”
“That’s my spot” She repeated, pointing at your seat.
“Oh” You realised. You’d already opened up your bag of supplies so you hurriedly grabbed your sketchbook, shoving it in your tote bag carelessly. Your paintbrushes dropped in the process, rolling off the table, and you wanted to die. Was it possible to be such a fucking cliche and embarrass yourself like this on the first day of class?
The girl made no move to help you, but you shouldn’t expect her to either. You stood up, holding the bag to your chest, and realised you had no place to sit anymore.
Before you could panic about the situation, someone else in the room caught your attention.
Kim Jieong was here.
He was standing in the centre, and you don’t know how the fuck you didn’t notice him until now. He must have just come in.
You stood starstruck, at the worst time possible. He was in a beanie, and a thick coat. He had black-rimmed glasses on, and a slight scruff. He looked like all the pictures you’d seen of him, but better than you even imagined – the right mix of pretention and whimsical.
He was the embodiment of art and of inspiration.
The little girl in you was screaming.
You were transported back to the first painting you ever saw by him. It was in a magazine that Felix had stolen for you off the library racks. As kids, you and Felix had sat on his bedroom floor, flipping through the glossy pages. On the last page though, there was a painting of a lighthouse, with surrealistic waves hitting the shore. There was no article or editorial. Just that picture, with a name on the bottom. Kim Jieong, 2006. You’d ripped the page out, and kept it safe with you, before returning the magazine. You’d felt no guilt then, because it was the most beautiful art you’d seen then.
Kim Jieong, your favorite artist in history, was a real fucking person. He was real, and he was looking at you.
The corner of his lip tilted up, “Hey”
Hey.
You’re going to fucking pass out.
He was talking to you. He knew you existed. “Um, hi” Your voice came out softer than it was, and you hope he couldn’t see the stars in your eyes.
“Can I help you…?”
You could feel the eyes of everyone on you, and you gripped onto your sketchbook tighter, “I’m…the new student”
His eyes widened, “You’re Y/N…?”
He knew your name?
Now he was the one who looked caught off guard, “Shit, I’m sorry I completely forgot you’re coming in today. Nate, can you please help Y/N get a spare stool and easel?”
Nate, the boy you’d met before, smiled, “Of course I can”
Your earlier embarrassment slowly eased. Professor Jieong stepped to you with a poise that only masterminds possessed, “Be honest… Did you have any trouble finding this room? Most students do”
“No, I was just confused because…it’s not really a conventional classroom”
Jieong laughed, “Well, if you liked conventional things, you wouldn’t be here”
“You’re right” You smiled.
He pointed to a corner, “There’s your seat. I’m putting you next to Nate. He can help you out the first week. Even though it’s your first day, don’t worry I’m not going to make you talk about yourself in front of the class or anything like that. I know how much people your age hate that”
You smiled at that, relieved, and finally sat down at what was to be your place for the future. The view from here was so pretty, through the parted indoor trees, you could look out into the city. There were floor-to-ceiling windows sprawled out, and the sun was in your eyes, but you didn’t mind. It must get really hot in the summer, but right now it’s the cusp of winter, and so it was perfect.
“So, how are you liking Seoul, Y/N?” Jieong asked you, stepping in the way, shielding your gaze from the light. It was so early in the morning, but he was full of so much of vigour. You wish you could have energy to match him right now, but lately you just feel drained.
You smiled up at him, observing how the rays formed a halo around his head, “It’s all right…I, uh, I really love the food here.”
Jieong paced across the room, making sure to look at each student, and there was so much comfort in his stance, as he talked to you, “I know you’re joining in the middle of this semester Y/N, and everything is going to feel very jarring. Usually, people get an intro class and some icebreakers so… don’t be afraid to ask me stuff, okay? There’s no stupid questions in here, right?”
“Debatable” Nate mumbled loudly next to you.
“That’s not what you said when I asked about the color combos last week” The girl with bleached hair chimed in.
Jieong grinned, putting his hands on his hips as he came to a stop in the centre, “Haha. Don’t try so hard to make me look bad in front of the new girl”’
You laughed, “Don’t worry about it”
Jieong grinned at you, and you were still reeling from his attention as he talked, “We’re going to start on a new project for the next couple of weeks. I have a couple of field trips planned but today we are just going to explore some basic anatomy, okay?”
There was nothing more to be said. Everybody fell into a rhythm, and Jieong wasn’t even speaking anymore, but he filled the room with his presence. He had such a strong personality and clearly had a good rapport with all his students. You were looking forward to get to know him.
This was such a beautiful room, and you had only been here a few minutes, but you were endlessly inspired. It reminded you of Aera’s, filling you with so much creative energy, you were bursting at the seams. You hoped that this emotion wouldn’t be lost on you. This was the first genuine excitement you’d felt since….since what happened in the shop.
It’s been a few days, or a few weeks, you can’t really tell. Yet you play it in your head over and over again, trying to connect the dots. You give up every time, because nothing justifies what happened that night, and you don’t realise that most of your sleepless nights in this city pass by…just like that.
»»————-
There were good days, and bad days.
There was a separation between the art studio, and the rest of your life. In the studio, you were content, because you were distracted. At home…was another story.
Your apartment was a blank canvas, and as the weeks passed, you breathed life into each corner. The walls filled up slowly with the new artwork you created, with your works in progress from the apprenticeship. There were a few plants in your room to remind you of Daejon’s lushness.
You immersed yourself in the whirlwind of city life. Seoul sucked you in deep. You found a bakery you like, a grocery store you frequent, an art shop that fed your supplies.
It’s strange, to have good days, but nobody to share it with. It feels pointless to be excited about something but having to keep it to yourself.
You were still teetering on the edge, you hadn’t visited nightclubs or bars — you found no time between the classes. The people at the apprenticeship were talented, in a way that made you doubt yourself but push harder. You tried to talk to the people around you, but you only saw them in classes, and your friendships didn’t exist beyond those canvases.
It was hard to make friends in the city. You hadn’t predicted the isolation that would come with moving here. Jeongin and you would occasionally bump into you at the stairwell, and that would be the most of your social interaction. You made time to meet Yeonjun each weekend, and he helped you buy some basic furniture for your apartment; a coffee table, a dresser, a mirror. They even helped you carry your new mattress up the stairs, and you invited them in that night for some wine, as a thank you.
You liked to think that you’ve settled into a routine as you washed the dishes in your new home, listening to the hum of the city traffic. In the quiet evenings that you spend with yourself, you drifted into daydreams and thought about him, but you stopped yourself before the longing gets too bad.
Your apartment is so small. There’s no space in your life to be sad.
You’re supposed to be living your dream after all.
»»————-
The sun in the art studio never bothered you. Instead, felt warm on your skin, energizing you.You attempted to channel the beauty of the room into each pencil stroke. It was hard to focus on your art, sketching out a few basics as your professor talked over a few prompts. This was only the beginning, so you were taking it slow. It felt like it had been ages since you drew, and your skills were getting rustic.
When everyone was busy and distracted, Jieong came to you. “Doing okay, Y/N?” His voice was low to not disturb the other students, and you nodded.
“I’m good…just trying to get the hang of things”
“I understand” He smiled, and he was bent over to speak to you, “You’ll soon figure out the pattern. We experiment every class and you’re free to work on whatever medium you want. Don’t think of this as an art lesson, okay? It’s…refining your existing skills”
You smiled, “Yeah. I know I missed a few but I’m excited for the rest of the classes. I feel like I’ve hit a roadblock…with my own work, I end up only making the same kind of paintings every time”
Jieong nodded, like he’d heard this a million times, “But that’s exactly what I’m here for, okay? You can talk to me about anything you want. There’s also going to be a couple of field trips this semester, and you can meet some other mentors. In case you realise you hate my methods”
You laughed, continuing to sketch away, “I doubt that’s possible. I…I’m looking forward to those though”
“And not to sound too forward but…you look like you haven’t slept in a week, kid” He commented, with a chuckle, but there was no malice in his tone. Just a genuine observation.
“I haven’t” You admitted.
“Nervous?”
If nervous and heartbroken were the same emotion. Then yes, you were more nervous than anything. You settled and said, “This just means a lot to me”
“What brought you to Seoul, if you don’t mind me…asking? Did your parents move here, or a boyfriend or somebody?”
“Just looking for a change…” You said. It would be too much to tell him that you’d looked up to him half your life, and had worked your ass off the entire summer to get here….That you’d been willing to lose your friendships for this and that there was nothing in Seoul for you except this….It would be crazy to tell him that in the end, a boy had convinced you to be selfish and come here.
His lips curled up, oblivious to your internal worries, “A change? You’re in the right place then, sweetheart”
Sweetheart. You looked up at him, with obvious adoration in your gaze. Kim Jieong just called you sweetheart.
He reached out, to pat your back, “It can’t be easy moving, but I hope you know you made the right decision. If you’re looking for change…this is the place to be, and I’m really looking forward to know you and your art better. I can promise you that you’re going to be very happy here, Y/N”
You’re smiling, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. Maybe you needed the reassurance that coming here and uprooting your entire life wasn’t a mistake. It had felt all too much like that after Hyunjin’s disappointed encounter – making you feel that you should’ve just stayed where you were.
You’d pined for this place for so long, yet you already missed your little hometown and your life there, because things with him were better back home.
It will take time to get better. It’s only the first day.
The weight of his words sank in, and you suddenly felt teary-eyed. There’s been a void in your heart for the longest time. You thought coming here would fill it up, but even as you’re painting in your dream class with your favourite artist, your heart feels dead.
You ought to be insane to not be grateful. Seoul was the only thing you ever wanted, but maybe it’s time for you to admit that…wishes change. Dreams change.
A lump builds up in your throat at the horrible realisation that maybe, the only thing that can fill the void in your being was Hyunjin.
»»————-
Today, you were drawing from life.
There was a model in front of you, and amongst all the plants, she looked like a siren plucked from the pages of an ancient Greek legend. She was sat on a barstool, dressed in a tight lace outfit. You focused on the detailing of her lingerie as you paint it into your canvas. Surprisingly, you’d never drawn anatomy from life before, you’d never ventured into that skill much.
Her set was made entirely of lace — thin flowers covering the chest, overlapping with vines and the model blends into the room's atmosphere. She looked beautiful in muted pastel colours, and you wish you could own a piece like that. You’ve found some time to revamp your wardrobe, and when you wear prettier clothes, you feel like you’re reinventing yourself.
Daejon was usually always humid, so you never experimented with patterns, layers, and textures. It was the same skirts, the same tank tops, and sweatpants that you circulated through, and it was okay because your life was the same there everyday. Here…you’re trying to be different.
Nate brought you out of your train of thought. He was poking a pencil in your leg, to get your attention, and you looked up at him. He was grinning, hair swept back. He’s handsome, in a conventional sense anyway, but you don’t let yourself think further than that. There’s no point.
You glanced at his canvas and he’s halfway through his portrait already. Somehow, he’s made the model look even more ethereal in person.
“Could I borrow the green swatch?” He asked, eyeing the watercolours you have in front of you. You’ve bought a lot of new art supplies, and it was quite frankly, a humbling experience. Everything is so much more expensive here, but the apprenticeship gives you some money for supplies, and you’re already halfway through it. The watercolour palette though, is your favourite. It’s Winsor & Netwon. In fact, it’s the same one you used the night of the Paint and Wine event at the Chateau.
“Of course” You told Nate, and handed him the palette. He dipped his brush right into it, taking away some green paint. Everybody around you was quiet, in a deep concentration as they worked on their pieces. Kim Jieong was circulating the classroom, hands on his hips as he observed every student. He stopped every few minutes, to help out, or give advice.
It’s been some time, but you still felt starstruck around him. Some charms never fade.
You’ve had little time to observe yet but it was obvious from day one - He’s insanely cool, and he teaches art in a way that makes you so grateful to be his student. He sees the world differently than you, and you’re in desperate need for that perspective. You’re tired of only seeing things your way.
So, you obviously immediately stop painting as he soon as he comes near you. You’re embarrassed as his eyes catch progress of your painting. You’re far behind the others.
“How’s that going?” He asked, in a hushed whisper to not divert attention off the class.
You dipped your paintbrush in water, letting it soak through, “I think…it’s okay”
Jieong frowned, just slightly, looking over your canvas. He had a pair of glasses pushed over his head and he slipped them back on, leaning in to look at your strokes. You’re self-conscious, rightfully, and you held your breath as he analyses the painting.
“Your strokes are very…careful” He looked back at you, “Like you’re afraid of making a mark on the paper”
You gulped, “I…sorry”
His eyebrows shot up, and he removed the glasses, keeping them on your desk. “Mind if I sit next to you, Y/N?”
You nodded, and you’re ready to hear the end of it. He pulled up an abandoned stool, scooting close to you. You pulled your hands into your lap, and faced him.
He gets right to it, “All the work that I’ve seen of yours in the portfolio you submitted. You were usually more confident. Is something bothering you these days?”
So much is bothering you, yet none of it is an excuse.
You haven’t come this far, just to slack off. You haven’t paid so much just to be average. You haven’t dreamt so long just to be careful. You’re holding back.
“No…nothing’s bothering me” You lied, manifesting that it will soon be the truth.
Jieong frowned at your blatant lie, because he’s obviously older and wiser and therefore he knows everything. “You’ve been getting enough sleep now?”
There’s no point in hiding the truth. It’s more embarrassing to be caught in a lie, “Actually, not really…my place is still new to me. I’m still getting used to the bed, my room…the traffic. Where I’m from, it’s always quieter at night. I…also miss my friends”
Jieong smiled at your words, “Is that all? Because if so, then I’m not worried. You’ll settle in soon, and the loud traffic will soon fall on deaf ears”
“I know” You nod, you’re trying to be positive, “It’s just taking some time”
He nodded, and you think he’ll leave but says, “Have you visited any museums yet? Or been around the city?”
You’re conscious again, because everybody else is painting the model, yet you feel like a kid being reprimanded by their teacher.
“I haven’t had much time. I’ve tried to improve my skills at home”
“You’re in a metro city, Y/N. You should let yourself be inspired. I’m not asking you to go out and get drunk—” He laughed, “But maybe the trick is to tire yourself out so much during the day, you fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow”
You forced a smile, but it’s hard when he’s looking right at you, “You’re right. I should do that”
“I didn’t mean to interrupt your painting” He apologised, “You can continue”
You nodded, picking up the paintbrush but you’re shaking. He’s still sitting beside you, and his observant gaze terrifies you. You feel like you’re ten years old again, trying to be perfect in art class.
His hand landed on your shoulder, “Don’t be nervous”
The fact that he’s caught on to you being nervous is embarrassing, and you decide to say, “It’s hard not to be. I’ve looked up to your art my whole life”
He smiled, in your peripheral vision, “Is that so?” He looked proud, the smile reaches his eyes, and you nodded to confirm.
You and him haven’t had too many personal conversations yet. He’s close to everyone else in class but you‘re still getting to know each other. So, he still has no idea what he means to you. He had kind eyes, and the way he carries himself makes him seem much younger than he is. He’s trying to put you at ease, and you feel slightly grateful. He didn’t need to do this, or come here.
“I went to your exhibition in Jeju” You told him.
His eyes lit up, “Is that how you heard about this program? I remember my team was handing out flyers for this program there”
“Yup, I went with my best friend. Well, I sort of dragged him there, but I’m glad I did because I saw the flyers. I never thought I’d actually get in here though”
“Yet here you are” He hummed, “At the fear of not sounding narcissistic, can I ask you what your favourite piece was?”
You smiled, “You’re one of the greatest living artists. I think you’re allowed to be a little narcissistic”
At your words, he laughed. It’s so loud that it catches the attention of the students next to you. Though they’re used to his magnanimous personality, they turn away soon enough.
“You’re too sweet” He told you.
“My favourite piece…” You trailed off, and you’re replaying the exhibition in your head. You had dragged Felix around every hallway, and he’d complained throughout. Your thoughts are overtaken by something else though. At the pool all those weeks away… you’d talked about this in detail with Hyunjin, the night you told him about your rejection. The night you sat with your feet dipped in the water, the night he touched you and told you how he’d tangibly changed you. He couldn’t have known in that moment, how right he was. You can feel the ghost of his touch on your fingers, on your lips, your thighs.
Jieong must have noticed the fall in your expression because he tilt his head, “Everything all right?”
“I’m sorry. I was…just trying to remember” You can’t let thoughts of Hyunjin paralyse you.
“That’s okay” He said, simply.
“My favourite was Celestial Fatality” You said, “How…did you even come up with it?” You’d theorised this with Hyunjin…but now you could actually get some answers.
Jieong seemed surprised, “That’s a pretty morbid painting to love, Y/N”
“It’s beautiful though. It reminds me of the legend of Icarus”
“What do you like about it?” He leaned forward, and your heart jumped. He actually cares, and wants to know your opinion. The thought of it is crazy and makes you a little dizzy.
“It’s a cautionary tale…the pair of lovers drowning in moonlight, swallowed up in their own…hubris. They were probably told to stay away from each other, yet at the risk of their mortality, they still met”
Jieong seemed almost impressed, “You seem like a romantic person”
It’s a strange thing for him to say to you, in the middle of a Wednesday class. But he’s your favourite artist, and he’s absolutely right. For a romantic person, you’ve surely never had any good relationships to account for it though.
You shook your head, “I’m really not. I just like that painting. Something about it feels close to home. It’s almost like I can feel the pain of their mistake…of choosing each other over anything else in the world, even if that ends in their perishing…”
His lip curled up into a smile, “Fascinating”
Your chest felt heavy, but it feels so good to talk about this with him, “I hope one day I can create something with as much impact as that. I want to tell stories that linger, I think there’s a long time till that though…I mean I’m struggling with basic anatomy,. I guess I just need to get better….”
“I’ve only known you a few weeks, Y/N, but can I tell you something?”
“Hmm?”
He reached out, smiling warmly, “You’re way too hard on yourself. You’re in one of the greatest cities in the world. Live a little, kid”
»»————-
It had been just two weeks, but you’ve developed a habit. Every evening after class, you find yourself organising the canisters on the shelves.
“Should we be paying you for this?” Nate asked, stepping over to you. You don’t talk much in class, and when you do, it’s always in passing, like this. Right now, he had a bag slung over his shoulder, while he bit into an apple, the juice dripping down his chin. You wish you had more energy to put into your friendships right now but making new connections has felt so draining. You’d been too dependent on Yeonjun, but he can’t always be there.
He looked silly, eating fruit here, but you laughed, “I hope you’re joking”
“No, because why are you putting all of them in that order?” He asked, another crunch reverberated through the studio as he bit into it again.
“I actually worked in an art shop my whole life. Old habits…” You shrugged, looking at him.
“You’re kidding me” Minnie said, stepping up, “That explains it”
“Explains what?” You turned to them.
“Your desk is always so…strangely clean” She said. You don’t know her well too, but you love how she dresses. You love how she pours herself into her clothes, and expresses through them. She’s always wearing chunky jewellery, flowing skirts, corsets. Her art style is similar to it. It’s loud but dainty at the same time.
“I’m gonna presume that’s a compliment” You laughed, picking up your sketchbook. “Can we get going, Nate, please?” Minnie asked him.
“See you Monday” You smiled at them, turning to finish packing your things.
Nate looked at you over his shoulder, “Actually… You got any plans after class?”
You looked between them, “Not really, I was planning on brushing up on my anatomy. Why?”
Nate rolled his eyes, and he almost reminds you of Minho in this moment, “Even though that sounds like the bestFriday night ever…We’re going to this new bar that opened up. You wanna come with?”
Minnie jumped forward, eyes lighting up, “Shit, yeah! I think you might really like it. The whole place is themed like a post-apocalyptic nuclear bunker. Very cool”
“What?” You laughed, walking over to them with your bag, “That sounds really unique, but I don’t really want to intrude on your plan”
Nate stepped forward, offering his hand to you, “Your anatomy can wait till Monday morning. You’ve been in Seoul a few weeks, don’t you want to explore the cool shit already?”
“Are you sure?”
“We have an extra ticket anyway” Minnie suggested. They’ve never asked you to hang out with them before like this. You wonder what it was about today that made them try.
You stared at his hand, outstretched to you. No inspiration was going to strike from you just sitting in your studio apartment every night. They were right, and you slipped your fingers in his. He smiled brightly…and that just happened to be the night you made your first friends in the city.
And…Nate had a lot of friends.
You realised as much when you’re sitting at the booth, squished between Minnie and him, staring at a bunch of young adults you don’t know.
They’re fun, and they’re on their fifth tequila shot of the night. In another life, this might have been your teenage years too. Attending Seoul University, having friends from affluent neighbourhoods, weekend nights out at the bar. Alas, everyone at this table is worth more than the average person’s income in Daejon, and the only cheap bar in your small town was run by an old creep.
Minnie handed you another tequila shot, her hand resting on your thigh. She’s very handsy and you don’t mind.
There’s been a few rounds of getting to know each other. You’re the new one, so you kind of feel like the baby of the group, even though they’re all older than you. Most of them came from America, but their Korean is so good you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Nate has attractive friends. Ha-ru, Renjun, Lily, Jamie. But none of them hold a candle to the boy you’re desperately trying not to think about.
You came straight to this bar after class, so you had no time to change out of your paint-tattered clothes. Thankfully, you’re wearing the leather jacket Yeonjun bought you, and it does a great job of keeping you warm. Admittedly, his friends aren’t too dressed up either. They all came from work too, and you once again realise that life here is so different from Daejon. There’s no time for frolicking, or lounging around in diners and swimming in Creeks. Everybody’s working their ass off, to afford the lifestyle that Seoul asks for, the lifestyle you always killed for.
“So, what brought you to this city, Y/N?” One of his friends asked you. It’s the only question you get asked these days. The most interesting thing about you is your newness, but they’re outgoing, so you’re not surprised at them making all these attempts to get to know you.
“Where do I start?” You joked, reaching for your drink, “I moved here from a little town near the mountains”
Your glass was tinted red, to match the theming of the bar. It’s a fancy place, and all the decor makes you feel like you’re underground. Even the bouncers are dressed up in what look like radioactive suits, for the whole nuclear bunker vibe.
Everything around you is neon. The tables, the lights, the dance floor. Each one of Nate’s friends has a neon necklace around their neck, and glow sticks as bracelets. You’ve seen those accessories in the movies, but you’ve never been to a party with them. Minnie made you a purple and blue glow-stick bracelet, and slipped it on your wrist a while ago. You’re fiddling with it as you talk to their friends.
“Ah, a small town girl” One of his friends, Renjun, laughed, but you’re not offended. It’s true, after all.
“Why would you willingly choose the life path of a struggling artist?” Jamie asked. She’s cute. Her hair is dyed bright red, so you already like her.
You laughed, “A silly dream”
“What’s your dream?” Nate asked, squeezing your shoulder. You realised his arm is around you, and has been for a while. He smells nice, and so you let it linger. Even now, his huge headphones hang off his neck. He never goes anywhere without them, and you’re proud of yourself for picking up little habits and quirks in such less time already.
Everybody has different reasons to be an artist, so you tell them yours, “I don’t know…I’ve been painting since I was a kid, but I think I’m ready to finally share my art with the world? That’s assuming other people would want to see it, but I guess I want to reach a point in my life where I’m proud of what I created, and hopefully I can inspire others. Also…because if I don’t become an artist, I have no idea what the hell I’ll do. It feels like the only thing I really enjoy doing”
It’s far too intense, and serious an answer for this bar, but Nate’s friends listened kindly. They smiled as you talked. It felt a little lame, sure. It also feels unachievable, but Minnie grinned, and pat your thigh, “I mean….wow, you’re halfway there! You made it to Jieong’s studio”
She’s right. You’ve been sad and moping this whole time, and you decide that tonight needs to be the night you want things to change. After what Jieong told you earlier today, you deserve a little fun, enough fun for the sirens and the traffic to become your lullaby as you fall asleep.
“But why Seoul? You have enough talent to make it to Paris” Jamie asked. She has piercings too, and you get distracted by how well they complimented her.
“I’d have to live on the streets” You bite your cheek. Maybe they can’t relate because they’re so much more well-off, but Nate laughed, and said, “Isn’t that an artist’s rite of passage?”
You smiled, and downed the last of your drink.
“Well, since you’re one of us now. Here’s your honorary tiara!” Jamie said, handing you a neon golden tiara across the table. You grabbed it, placing it atop your head and Minnie clicked a picture of you, joking about you being a princess from humble beginnings. Her words slur a bit, and you’ve been here more than an hour, so it explains why everybody’s already tipsy.
The dance floor was absolutely full, and there’s couples grinding on each other. There are so many pretty girls, and attractive guys surrounding them. Girls in tight dresses with no care in the world, and boys trying to flirt to catch their attention. There’s probably someone falling in love right this second, in this very bar, and you’re people-watching for a while. Everybody’s neon accessories are glowing in the blacklights, and it’s a beautiful scene, straight out of a movie.
When you tune back into the conversation, Jamie’s telling the group about some jerk at her workplace today, and you try to follow her story, except you’ve already lost the context. It’s probably the lack of sleep and all the alcohol in your veins.
You don’t have to try for long though since Renjun interrupted it, “Shit, is that Baekhyun?”
The name is familiar, and you all craned your heads to see who he’s pointing out.
There’s a well-dressed man at the far end of the bar, and he’s indulging in tequila shots, with two girls by his side. He’s beautiful, and he has silver hair.
“Who he is?” You asked, but you already know. Hyunjin has mentioned a Baekhyun before…and you’ve grown up hearing about him on television too, but this can’t possibly be him.
“A singer” Jamie said.
“Oh. He’s…the Baekhyun?” You dropped your voice. It felt weird talking about him when he’s right there, “Isn’t he like… a superstar?”
Nate nodded, “He’s one of the top, yeah. Even my mum’s obsessed with him. Why are you so surprised? Never seen an idol in the wild?”
If only he knew…
You craned your neck to see Baekhyun making out with the girl at the bar, tongue and all. “I didn’t know they can be so open…” You frowned, unable to comprehend the scene before you.
“Why wouldn’t they? He’s like twenty five. I know you’re not from the city but you’re not that old fashioned, are you?” Nate laughed.
You shook your head, but the little movement hurts you because you’re tipsy too, “No, it’s not that. I just thought…aren’t they prohibited from all of that? The drinking and everything…in public”
Minnie laughed, “Come on, you don’t seriously believe that Y/N”
It wasn’t just your belief. It’s what Hyunjin had told you, time and time again. His reputation was more important than anything, and his company would never let it be tarnished. Indulging in things like this…would definitely alter public perception of him.
“Well…they’re like super controlled by their companies” You told them. This was one thing you knew more than them. You’d heard first-hand accounts of it.
“Yeah, but none of them follow those rules” Nate laughed, and he’s drawing circles on your shoulder as he speaks, “Every single idol I know is like a sex freak”
“To put it kindly: they fuck like bunnies” Jamie clarified, “All that pent up frustration. Plus they’re all hot, and spend all their time together. It’s only natural”
“But…they’re not allowed to date publicly” You spoke, yet it came out more as a question.
Nate shrugged, “Still. They’re a bunch of horny twenty year olds, Y/N. You can’t be that naive”
“I’m not” You defended, “I just thought…Someone told me that… it’s really looked down upon, that they could get kicked out of the company”
Renjun leaned forward, jutting his head towards Baekhyun, “Does that look like the face of a man worried about being fired?”
Surely not. He was now making out with the other girl on his arm, while the previous one kissed his neck, at the bar for everyone to see. You’re sure people were taking pictures of them too, whoever wasn’t drunk enough to comprehend this.
“My friend’s worked with a couple of them. They’ve literally all fucked each other. And honestly, if I led a lifestyle as stressful as that? I would too” Renjun laughed.
“Most of them are dating too” Jamie said.
It felt like a dark cloud washed over you. Were you wrong about everything you assumed about Hyunjin’s life?
“Who told you that anyway, Y/N?” Minnie asked.
“Just some guy who works at Pegasus” You mumbled, twirling your glass on the table. Pegasus was the label Hyunjin’s group is under, but there’s enough artists in that company to not arouse any suspicion.
“Why are you so curious about this anyway? You’re in the mood to fuck a famous guy?” Nate asked.
You shook your head, “No, it’s just interesting to think about…”
If you could still talk to Hyunjin, you’d call him right now and ask him all about this, and why nobody seemed to care that Baekhyun was feeling up two girls in this very public place. It was like looking into an alternate reality, where nobody cared about what they were up to. A better reality than yours surely, yet you couldn’t process it. You hadn’t been interested in idols before Hyunjin, and after Hyunjin, all you’d known was their endless restrictions.
Minnie finished the tequila in your glass, “I could never be famous. I’d get cancelled on day one”
You smiled at her joke, but your mood had already dampened. Nate was right. You were naïve to think that none of them broke the rules, just because Hyunjin didn’t want to. You stared at the condensation ring your glass left.
Minnie nudged you in your stomach, as if noticing the lull in your emotions, “Wanna get another drink with me at the bar?”
You desperately wanted a drink, so you could finally let go and enjoy the rest of tonight, “Aren’t we going to be hungover for class tomorrow?”
She rolled her eyes, “Class isn’t till eleven. We’ll be fine. Plus, Jieong knows we drink every Wednesday”
So you followed her to the bar. Baekhyun wasn’t there anymore, and he must have left with the girls. “This place is really cool” You told her, hiking up on a bar stool as she ordered you two Tequila Sunrises.
“Isn’t it? We try to go out every week, it keeps us sane. I mean, there’s so many places to explore too, you know what I mean?”
You nodded, even though you’re all about routine and less about spontaneity, “I get it”
Your drinks arrived, decorated with two cherries on top, and a slice of orange.
“So, you have a boyfriend yet?” She asked you, chewing on her straw. You knew the question was coming, so you’re not surprised and you don’t flinch.
“No” You shook your head, “I haven’t had one for a while”
She hummed, “Why? It’d be fun to get one, while you’re here”
You laughed, sipping on your drink, “Get one? You say that as if I can just go shopping for a new boyfriend”
The drink was citrusy — a blend of tequila and orange juice. Yet your favourite drink is still the one Hyunjin made you, complete with the flower from his home garden.
She rolled her eyes, “No, I mean, you’re pretty. Look around us and just pick a cute boy. Boys in Seoul are so desperate they’ll be very easy to get”
You laughed, “You’re not serious, are you?”
“I am!” She seemed offended, “Then we could even go on double dates”
“You have a boyfriend?”
She smiled, “A girlfriend. But we’re on the down low”
You’re surprised, “Really? What’s her name?”
She laughed, pointing at your booth, “You met her. It’s Jamie. She’s at the table”
Your eyes widened, “Shit. You’re dating Jamie?”
“I know, we don’t seem like a couple, right?”
They hadn’t been all over each other so you hadn’t presumed they were together, but perhaps their love was stable, so they didn’t need to be. You took a long sip of your drink, “No, I just…I just didn’t know”
She shrugged, “We don’t really tell anyone. Not everybody gets it”
“Thank you for telling me. I know we haven’t talked much in class, and you don’t even know me that well, but—”
She interrupted you, keeping her hand on your thigh, “Stop, Y/N. I’ve seen your art, and honestly that speaks to me so much more than knowing someone for years. It’s like reading a personal diary, don’t you think? Art reveals so much of who we are”
You smiled, her words stroking a growing flame in your heart, “What does it reveal about me?”
She chewed on her straw further, smile tugging at her lips, “All I need to know. And since we’re all in Jieong’s class now, I hope you know we’ll basically be family by the end of the year”
“You’re really sweet…I was kind of nervous joining in the middle of a semester, but I’m so glad I’m here. Thank you for taking me out tonight too”
“Of course. You’re the newest addition to the group, we had to”
It feels so sudden, and fast, but you’re thankful they consider you a part.
“So” She leaned forward, “Pick a boy to kiss tonight”
You shook your head, laughing, “No, I can’t” You’re tipsy, but you’re not that drunk, and the idea of kissing someone who’s not him, hurts you far too much. You also can’t imagine enjoying it.
“Why?” She pouted.
You wonder what’s the best way to say it. You forced a smile, “I’m…in love with somebody else”
Minnie’s eyes widened, as if you’d been keeping a secret from her for years, “What? Who?”
You played with the orange slice in your drink, “Just a boy from my town”
“Can I ask what happened?”
You swallowed, gaze wavering from hers, “Uh…it’s complicated, Minnie”
“Did he break your heart?”
You looked up at her, “We…lost touch”
It sounds stupid to say in the 21st century. Those kind of things don’t happen anymore. It’s not like you are ancient lovers who separated due to circumstances. Yet it feels more like that every day. You wish you just knew what happened. There must be a reasonable explanation for why he acted this way.
Minnie frowned, “I see…”
You know she’s curious, but nobody could ever understand the complexity of what happened between you and him this summer anyway. You don’t think you understand it yourself.
“Let’s just not talk about him” You mumbled, finishing the rest of your drink. You’d been drinking so fast tonight, you didn’t realise how much you’d had.
“Hey…” A voice interrupts you, and you turned to see Jamie, “I was looking everywhere for you”
Minnie rolled her eyes, “The only place you should look is the bar”
“You’re right” Jamie slung an arm around her, pulling her close, “Can we go dance, baby?”
Minnie grinned, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, “Y/N, do you wanna come with?”
You looked between them, and they look so cute together. Jamie was leaving little pecks on Minnie’s shoulder as they talked. They complement each other so well — Minnie with her light hair, and Jamie with her fiery red. You haven’t known Jamie before tonight, but their personalities seem so contrasting too.
You jumped off the barstool, “I’m actually gonna go to the bathroom, okay?”
“Cool. We’ll be here” She smiled, walking off to the dance floor with her girlfriend.
There’s a line at the bathroom so you stand in it, hugging yourself. The music isn’t as loud here, so it’s nice to get some time to your thoughts. A couple is making out in front of you, and the guy is grabbing her ass, pushing her to the wall. The club walls aren’t the most sanitary for this, but the music playing is sexy, and the atmosphere is so hot. There’s nothing wrong with daydreaming…so you let yourself drift into it. If he were here…you don’t think that would have stopped you either. In a dress that’s too short for you, the two of you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off each other the whole night.
Except… he would have definitely stopped you. You can never imagine a day where he’d kiss you in the middle of a crowded bar.
Once you’re finally in, you splashed some water on your face. Some of it gets on your top. Pushing your hair back, you stared at yourself in the mirror. The image looking back at you is blurry, and out of focus. Pink neon strips surround the mirror, but the light hurts your eyes. The alcohol has got to your head, and your reflection is already spinning. You take in a breath, gripping the counter tightly. You suddenly feel sick. It’s not the drinks. It’s the image burned into your head of Baekhyun at the bar. How is he living his life with so much ease, when all you had with Hyunjin are stolen moments? You’re happy that perhaps the rules aren’t the same for everyone…but it feels unfair.
You wonder if you’re destined to always feel this way, this loss, like a hole in your heart where he belonged. Tears threatened to spill but you hold them back. You can’t be the girl crying in the bathroom, on her first night out. That would be so fucking pathetic, you’d pity yourself.
“Fucking asshole!” A voice interrupted your breakdown, and through the neon mirror, your eyes fall on a girl as she runs into the bathroom, aggression plastered on her features. She’s in a tight top, and it’s soaking wet. It looks like someone spilled a drink on it. She looked rightfully annoyed, coming to stand next to you at the sink. You wonder who she got into a fight with, or how the drink ended up on her clothes.
She’s furiously wiping away at her top, but it’s completely wet, purple liquid seeped in. Tearing off tissues one after the other, she seemed frustrated when the dispenser is out.
You’re still zoned out, and you don’t realise you’re holding out a toilet paper roll to her. Your limbs seemed to move on their own accord.
She glanced up at your reflection, with wide eyes. Bangs fall to the front of her eyes, and thick eyeliner darkened her gaze. A nose piercing catches the neon light. Despite the mess on her shirt, she easily looks like the coolestgirl you’ve ever seen.
“Thank you” She frowned, but her shoulders visibly relaxed at your gesture. She grabbed the paper roll from you, and you turned to leave.
“Some dude threw a drunk at me when I said I didn’t wanna dance with him” She said. It takes you a second to register that she’s talking to you.
So you turned around, crossing your arms to hold yourself, “Oh…ouch. Some people just can’t take a no, I guess”
She laughed, looking at herself in the mirror, “Right? I looked in his direction for a second, and he took that as an invitation”
Her clothes …are completely ruined, and you can see her bra. It’s way past the point of saving. It would have been a cute outfit, if it wasn’t for the huge stain at the front.
“Who was he? Maybe I can get my friends to talk with him” You told her, and you don’t know why you’re offering up Nate and Minnie to fight a random stranger, just for this girl.
Still, she laughed, “Your friend would beat up a stranger for me?”
You smiled, and said without hesitation, “If I ask him nicely enough. Actually… I think me and him just became friends today, so I can’t promise you”
She laughed, “A night of firsts for you too then”
“For me too?” You questioned, and you’re still looking at her through the bathroom mirror.
“It’s my first night out on the city after a long time. I honestly just needed to get out. I thought I’d go insane in my apartment” She told you, and then looked down, “What am I gonna do with this?”
You don’t think, “You can have my jacket”
Her eyebrows shoot up, and she whipped around to look at you. You realise up close, she’s even prettier than in her reflection, if that’s possible.
“You’re serious?” She tilt her head, and looked over you, gaze drifting to the leather jacket that clings to your body, “That looks new”
“You can return it to me” You offered.
“You trust me enough to do that?” She smiled, and dimples appear in her cheeks.
“You… seem nice enough”
She looked at your jacket yet again, thinking it over in head, “No, I couldn’t. Won’t you be cold?”
“I’ll be fine, and you definitely can’t wear that” You said, pointing to her blouse that sticks to her body.
She sighed, looking down at herself, and then gives in. You wonder why you’re convincing her to take your jacket. Maybe because she’s the only thing that stopped you from having an actual breakdown in the bar bathroom. She peeled off her blouse, cursing again at how it sticks to her body as she did so, and it leaves her in just her bra. She squeezed the blouse over the sink, wringing it, and purple liquid dripped out.
“That’s gross” You remarked, and she laughed. You handed your jacket to her. Inside, you’re thankfully wearing a tank top so you’ll be fine. She zipped it up, and it’s a little tight on her, but it does the job. It obviously doesn’t match with the denim skirt she’s wearing, but still you smiled, “Cute outfit”
“I look insane” She laughed.
“Well, hey, at least that’ll keep the creepy guy off you” You told her. You then realise you’ve been here far too long, “Um, I should probably head out. My friends would be worried”
She giggled loudly, turning to you, “Wait, but thank you. You’re…really nice. It’s not often you meet people with the likes of you here”
“I’m not from here but…I’m sure anybody else would have done the same thing” You suggested, standing at the door to leave.
“Well, I asked like six girls for help but all of them said no” She mumbled.
Your heart clenched. Perhaps it’s true that people in the city really are so consumed in their own lives. Maybe that’s why everyone in your town hated them.
“Where are you from then?” She asked you.
“You won’t really know it”
Her eyebrows shoot up, as if you challenged her, “Come on, try me. I was a pro in geography in high school!”
“It’s a town called Daejon”
Her eyes widened, “Daejon? Yeah, I do know where that is!”
“Oh” You smiled, and you don’t know why you’re telling everybody about yourself tonight, but it feels nice.
“I actually knew somebody from there” She said, and that’s what really catches your attention.
“You do?”
“Yeah” She smiled, but says nothing more.
Someone suddenly tugs at your sleeve. It’s Minnie, and she hooked her arm around yours, pulling you out, “You’ve been in here for like, an hour. We’re going to another bar. Nate and the others are waiting for us”
You glanced back at the girl, and said, “Sorry! I, um, gotta go”
You’ve made it all of two steps out of the bathroom and back into the bar, before she tapped on your shoulder. She yelled to be heard over the music, it’s so much louder out here, “Wait! How should I get this jacket back to you?”
You’re clearly drunker than you thought since you just handed her your shit and were walking away without any plan of how to get it back, “Um yeah, I can give you my number. I’m Y/N, by the way”
“Y/N” She repeated, pulling her phone out to save your number, “My saviour”
You enter hers, and you’re in a hurry because Minnie is pulling at your sleeve, whining about how the others will be annoyed, “What should I save yours as?”
“You can just put in Kairi!”
“Sorry?” You looked up at her, freezing. The pounding music overtakes your senses. You must have misheard her…
“Kairi. My name!” She smiled, and you’re staring at her stupidly for a second just as Minnie tugs at your arm, and before you can ask her any further questions, she dragged you back into the bar.
»»————-
At 6:46 a.m., there was a text on your phone.
heyy
its the drunk girl you gave your jacket to last night :)
im very grateful for it and would like to give it back. where do you work, yn?
You’re surprised she remembered your name.
Last night flooded through your brain. You’d gone out drinking with your friends, and then to another bar, and you’d come home without your jacket… dead in the night. Jeongin had seen you struggling with your keys, and he’d let you in. You’d been so fucking drunk, but nothing can erase the memory of that girl.
She said her name was Kairi. Chan’s ex-girlfriend was a girl named Kairi. The girl he was in love with for years, the girl he was going to ask to marry, before something happened…and they broke up. That had also been around the time Hyunjin had stopped talking to you…
How many Kairis could possibly live here? It’s probably just…a random Kairi, and not the one Hyunjin had told you all about. Although knowing your luck, Chan’s ex-girlfriend was possibly texting you, and this was all kind of insane. You can’t even go a single day without being reminded of Hyunjin, and it feels like life is playing a cruel trick on you by introducing you to Kairi. It’s too big a coincidence. It’s so crazy and convoluted that you should just block the number and never think about this again. She had no idea who you are, and it feels like you’re tricking her by knowing her identity.
But Yeonjun gave you that jacket so you can’t just let it go, and so you text her back. Just so you can get it back. Nothing more to it.
hey, im actually a student
but i can come to where you work, and pick it up
a student? that explains why you’re so sweet
and i work near the outskirts, it’ll be too far for you.
why don’t we meet up at the paris baguette near hannam? is that all right for you for tonight?
i actually have class at eleven
ah
how about now then?
You sat up immediately. You’re still in your pyjamas and hungover as fuck. Now?
»»————-
Kairi was standing outside the Paris Baguette when you arrive, tote bag slung over her shoulder. She looked absolutely stunning in the morning, miles more so than the club bathroom, and your heart shakes a little. Sober, she’s prettier, and even more confident.
“Hey” You walked up to her, trying not to think about how weird this all was. You’re just here for the jacket, and then you’re going to leave, “Morning”
“Hey, stranger” She smiled bright, dimples returning.
“I’m sorry if I was late” You apologised.
“No, don’t mind me, I just like to show up way too early. Here’s your jacket!” She reached into her bag, handing it to you, “I had it dry-cleaned in the morning. Didn’t wanna return it with the alcohol smell over it”
“Oh. Thank you” You smiled, “You didn’t need to do that”
“Of course I did. I’m buying you breakfast, by the way”
“You’re what?”
“In fact, I got here early to beat the rush. Got you some pain au chocolat before it sells out!”
Fuck. No wonder Chan was in love with her.
This feels far too weird though, and you can’t be hanging out with her, “I should…get going, Kairi”
“You remember my name, Y/N” She grinned, unfazed by you constantly wanting to just get the fuck out of here.
“Of course…you, uh remembered mine, but I should really go”
“Well, I’m not letting you go that easily. I already bought us food”
You watched, helpless, as she reached into her bag to bring out a little box, “Do you want to walk with me? There’s a place in the park we could grab coffee from”
You really shouldn’t. Every bit of you is screaming at you at how you shouldn’t do this. But she looks far too happy for this early in the morning, and you don’t want to be to the ruin her entire day so you gave in, “I…can’t ever say no to coffee”
Kairi grinned, triumphant as she led you to the park, and when you bite into the chocolate croissant that she bought you, this doesn’t feel like such a big mistake.
You’re walking, and her elbow brushed against yours as she asked you, “You said you’re a student”
“Mmh” You nodded, through a mouthful of croissant. The chocolate sticks to your lips and you wipe it off, conscious of how you look around her.
“So, tell me more, Y/N. What are you a student of?”
You’re feeling the nerves in your tummy, and you need to act normal because this is just a girl. It doesn’t matter if Chan is her ex-boyfriend, or if she’s friends with Hyunjin. You can’t make it weirder than it already is. “I study art” You told her, “At the Atelier”
“Art?” Her eyes lit up, “I swear I always attract the creative people”
“Yeah?” You glanced at her, swallowing another bite of the croissant.
She shook her head, as if to dismiss the thought, “Mmh. So what kind of art do you learn?”
It’s a chilly morning in the park, but it’s beautiful. People are walking their dogs, and old couples are sitting on benches, and you’re with a kind stranger who was buying you coffee.
“All kinds, but mostly painting” You told her, leaning against a little fence as you two come to a stop. There’s a little stall set up in the popular trail of the park, and a sweet woman is selling coffee and cakes. Kairi paid for your drinks, and you watched her from where you stand.
“I have a friend who likes to paint” She told you, smiling as she walked back over to you, “Personally, it’s not for me”
“What do you do?”
“Be careful, it’s hot” Kairi warned, handing the steaming cup of mocha to you. You wrapped your hands around it, and lift it to your cheek, letting the warmth travel to your face.
She giggled, “Who needs heat packs when we have caffeine?”
You nodded, taking a sip of it as you looked at her. She can’t seem to stay still, and she’s walking across a circle of pebbles, as she chats away and sips at her coffee. She’s so endearing, and she reminds you of a mix of Felix and Minho. Today, her hair is pulled up into a bun, strands falling around her face. Her makeup is lighter than it was yesterday too, but she’s prettier in the daylight.
“Oh and…I work in corporate. It’s…a boring job, but I think I’ve had enough of an exciting life” She hummed. You let yourself get comfortable, crossing your ankles across the dirt, enjoying the warm coffee, as she told you about her job, and the kind of clients she’s had. You tell her about your apartment, and about how you’d be locked out so frequently, if it weren’t for Jeongin. You tell her about Yeonjun too.
You’re trying really hard to not bring up anything that can give you away. You’re so curious, you need to know if this is the same Kairi that you’ve heard of this whole while. Kairi is a common enough name, even if you asked, what would you say? The boy I love is in a band with your ex-boyfriend. It’s insane to bring up, so you settle for something simpler, “Um…can I ask why you’re buying me coffee on a Friday morning?”
She looked up at you, smiling, “Would you judge me if I said I’m going through a really shitty time? I kind of want to remind myself that there’s still good stuff in the world”
“Oh. I’m sorry” You apologised, staring at your feet. That was inappropriate to ask.
“Don’t be sorry. We all have our own baggage to deal with”
“Yeah. I get you” You said, taking another sip of the mocha, “Um, so don’t you have work today?”
“No” She laughed, “I’m taking a mental health day, as cringe as that may sound”
Your chest squeezed. It sucked to see her go through this, whatever it was, and you barely know her. “We all need that sometimes” You shot her a smile, “It’s not…cringe at all. Don’t worry. In fact, the world would be a better place if everyone took a mental health day once in a while”
She stepped up to you, eyes lost in thought, “You know…you remind me of someone”
“I do?”
“Mmh” She nodded, “My boyfriend, he—Sorry, ex-boyfriend, he was just like you”
Now you’re definitely crossing a line, but you’re self-destructive so you ask anyway, “Can I…ask what happened?”
She tilt her head, pausing between sipping her mocha, “It’s not really morning coffee worth news. I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details but we’re…taking a break…indefinitely”
You swallowed, “I’m sorry to hear that”
She shrugged, wiping some foam off her lips, “Don’t be. I know that…things are going to be okay”
You can’t resist asking, “How can you be so sure?”
“Well. He’s the only person I think of, when I’m sad…and also when I’m fucking happy. I know that he feels the same, and if two people can’t stay away from each other, it just means…they aren’t supposed to be apart” She laughed.
Your stomach clenches at that. You should believe that, except it’s impossible.
“I wish that I could be as positive as you are” You end up saying.
“You said you’re from Daejon, right?” It comes out of nowhere. Why is she bringing it up now?
You felt a rush in your chest at her question, “Yeah. I am.”
She pokes her tongue in her cheek, and you don’t know where she’s headed with this, “One of my friends was born there”
“Oh…” You try hard not to react, but you’re so easy to read, you give everything away. Anybody would be able to see you’re hurting.
“He’s a painter too. Well…not professionally, but…he wishes he was. He’s so talented. in another life, I’m sure he’s much more successful than even Da Vinci”
You know exactly who she’s talking about, and you can’t hear this. You’ll end up crying or something, so you finally do the right thing and say, “Um. I think I should leave, Kairi”
Her eyes widened, and she seemed confused, stepping towards you, “What? Did I say something wrong?”
You’re pressed up to the fence, facing her, “No. I’m just going to be late for class if I stay and—”
“I said something wrong” She interrupted you, face hardened.
You look at your feet, and you shouldn’t have come here with her. You’re far too sensitive for this, “No, you didn’t”
“Wait…You know who I’m talking about, right?” She continued, and you wish she’d stop.
“I don’t” You said, and your jaw is clenched from the lie.
Kairi’s gaze is unrecognisable, and her voice feels far away, “You’re…the Y/N…aren’t you?”
You’re squeezing the cup in your hand, “What?”
“I wasn’t sure…I had a doubt but the more time I spend with you, the more obvious it gets who you are”
Your voice fell to a whisper, “You know me?”
“All he did was talk about you.”
A burning flame consumes your heart, and you can’t breathe, and you asked even though you know the answer, “Who…?”
“Hyunijn… He would be making up excuses just to keep bringing you up, in each conversation. He talked about you every second he could.”
You think you’re going to have a panic attack in the middle of the park.
“He did…?”
“Until… a few months ago he completely stopped. He…hasn’t said your name since”
You swallowed, and there’s tears in your eyes, “I’m sorry I…need to go, Kairi. Thank you…for the coffee”
She doesn’t say anything.
This time, she lets you leave.
»»————-
You’re a mess.
It’s been a few days since you saw Kairi in the park, and you’re a fucking mess. You can’t stop thinking about her, about what happened with Chan, and about Hyunjin.
You’re sitting on the floor of your apartment, and your vision is all blurry as you try to paint. There’s an assignment due in a few hours, and you’re not even halfway done. Unproductivity has plagued you. Why do you get so fucking emotional? You wish you at least had some closure. It’s not fair that Hyunjin decided to just move on, and not tell you what was up.
Your phone buzzed, and it’s only Nate.
you coming to class?
the field trip is planned for today so you better not skip it yn
You don’t even want to get out of bed, but you can’t skip it. Kim Jieong has been talking about this trip for weeks. He’s had to move a lot of schedules around to make it happen. You’re supposed to be visiting an artist friend of his— someone who owns art galleries and does frequent viewing exhibitions. The thought of meeting another real artist like that used to excite you. You had never got this chance back home, and this is just the beginning of the opportunities you get. You can’t be wasting away your time in sadness. That’s what gets you out of bed. That, and the thought of disappointing your professor potentially. These days, it feels like you’re just hanging on by a very thin thread.
When you arrive to the Atelier, everybody’s already gathered in the parking lot, ready to depart. You hate being late, but you spot your friends by the corner and you find comfort in walking over to them. Professor Jieong was in the middle of briefing everyone, and handing out access cards.
“You decided to show up” He said to you, smiling, “We were getting worried”
“I’m sorry. I ran into traffic” You apologised.
“Don’t worry” He laughed, handing you your card, “This will get you in and out of the building, but try not to use it too much. Karina would get into a shit load of trouble if my students are found wandering on the other floors”
Karina is the artist you’re supposed to meet today, apparently she’s big in the art world here in Seoul. You hope one day…you can be too.
Nate’s holding a plastic bag to his chest, and he looks cute today in a pastel sweater, “I packed some extra snacks for you, Y/N”
“You didn’t need to” Your heart warmed at his consideration.
“Come on, we’re on a tight schedule, so…let’s hurry up, okay?” Jieong announced.
“Since you’re late, you have the honor of riding with the prof” Nate smirked, jutting his head towards Kim Jieong.
“Are you serious?” Your eyes widened, “Just me alone?”
“You’ll be fine, Y/N” Minnie laughed, “He has a bias towards you”
“That’s only because I’m the new one here!”
“No, it’s because it’s impossible to not like you” Nate rolled his eyes.
Jieong approached your group, hands on his hip, “So…which one of you is coming with me?”
“She is” Minnie chirped, pushing you in his direction.
Nate hummed as he walked away, “If I remember correctly, he is your favourite artist, isn’t he?”
You’re embarrassed, and also pissed at your friends. Jieong lead you to his car in the parking lot. You watched Nate get in his jeep and he laughed at your predicament.
Jieong smiled at you as you got into his car, “Oh, don’t be shy, Y/N. This will give us a chance to know each other better, won’t it?”
You sank into his seat, flushing, “Right”
»»————-
The skyscrapers of Seoul passed you, as you drove through crowded streets and glitzy buildings, “Should I be nervous?”
He looked over at you, “Karina is one of my favourite students. She used to intern with me a few years ago. She couldn’t get off her meetings, so we’re gonna visit her at work. That’s all it is. Nothing to be nervous about”
You’re sitting in the passenger seat and it’s been mostly quiet as you fiddled with the access card in your lap, “What kind of work does she do?”
“She’s a curator. I asked her to be a sort of…mentor for you kids throughout the semester. She’s had her fair share of exhibitions”
It feels strange to ride in his car, next to him. You’re his student after all, “Do I get credit for this, Mr. Jieong?”
He glanced at you, “Of course you do. I’m not doing this on my dime, Y/N. We’re here, by the way”
At his words, you leaned forward to catch a glimpse of the building you’re arriving at. He pulled straight into the garage, and you briefly caught the glamorous exterior.
“This is where she works?” You gaped, “She must be one hell of an artist”
Jieong laughed as he pulled the car into a guest parking spot, grabbing a ticket, “Obviously the entire building doesn’t belong to her.”
You told him about Yeonjun’s workplace, as you waited in the car for all of your classmates to show up, “One of my friends…he works in a building like this, but it’s so…monotonous. I kind of hated it”
He laughed, “Well, I think you’ll love this one. It’s brimming with creativity. They have beautiful art hung in every corridor too. Karina’s workspace is on one of the upper floors”
“I’d kill to have an office like that. The view must be so good”
Jieong smiled at you, “You continue working as passionately as you do, and you will have whatever the hell you dream of, Y/N. You name it, and it’ll be yours”
He unclipped his seatbelt, and your stomach felt uneasy from anticipation as you got out of the car. Even the parking garage looks expensive, and glamorous. Way, way more than Yeonjun’s building.
“Am I underdressed? Will they let me in?” You blurted, even though it’s hardly appropriate to ask him that. You’re in a peach tube top and wish you’d grabbed a blazer or something. If the place has a dress code…you probably won’t be let in. Thankfully, the skirt falls to your ankles and isn’t too short. He looked back at you, eyes raking over your outfit, and you felt embarrassed. You shouldn’t have asked him.
His lips curled up into a smile, “You look fine, Y/N. Don’t worry”
Fine. That would have to do.
You waited near the elevators, as your classmates also made their way to you. Nate was smirking as he saw you with your professor. You rolled your eyes at him, and he stood next to you, “How was the private ride?”
“Clearly better than ours, Jeonghan, seeing as she rode with someone who actually knows how to drive. I’m surprised we made it here alive” Minnie mumbled to him.
“Stop calling me Jeonghan! It’s Nate to you” He rolled his eyes, shoving her.
“I like your Hangul name better” You told him. Nate was nice, but Jeonghan…had a ring to it.
He smiled at you, eyes crinkling, “Hmm. You’re allowed to call me whatever you want”
You laughed, and he came and swung an around you, holding you next to him. The rest of the class gathered up at the foyer, and your professor spoke, “We’ll be going straight to Karina, she’s gonna talk to each of you about her work, and we’ll spend some time looking at her portfolio. The Atelier has a reputation to withhold, and I trust you all to not mess with it. And yes by that, I mean you Jeonghan”
Jeonghan gasped dramatically, and you laughed.
The inside of the elevator was as big as your bedroom. The buttons were gold-plated, each label marking names of different managements. It seemed like a big office building, and each floor belonged to a different company. You stepped behind Jieong, letting him take the lead. He pushed a keycard, and the elevator came to life.
Familiar music started playing, and Jieong informed you, “Nobody can enter without authorisation”
“The real estate of this place…must be insane” You commented, looking around you at the gold fittings in the walls. It’s the fanciest place in the city you’ve been to, which is saying a lot, since The Art Atelier is pretty exclusive too.
Jieong leaned against the side, crossing his arms, “Well, all the floors belong to different companies. Most of them belong to Pegasus though. They’re paying for half of it”
Your head snaps to his, and surely this is all a fucking joke and somebody is messing with you big time, “Pegasus? Like…the entertainment company?”
There was no fucking way he was being serious…
He nodded, “Their headquarters are on the eighth floor. I’m sure you know most buildings downtown share offices”
Somebody has to be fucking with you.
“Hey, maybe we’ll see Baekhyun or someone again” Jeonghan laughed.
“Everything okay, Y/N?” Minnie asked, “It looks like the life drained out of you, or something”
Jeonghan grinned, pulling you into his side, “She’ll be fine. I’m sure famous people just make her nervous”
»»————-
A freak accident. That’s what this was.
Pegasus. That is where Hyunjin works.
You’re sitting in an office on the tenth floor, but you’re losing your mind. There’s art on the walls. You recognise the paintings, and they cost more than million won and you should be taking notes and appreciating them. You can’t focus on them though, not when Hyunjin is in this building somewhere.
You feel like a stalker. First Kairi, and then this. Your life is playing a cruel trick on you. You just need to get through this. It’s possible he’s not even here today — he’s a busy man. There’s a huge chance you are in and out of here, without ever encountering him. Yet you’re dying to see him.
“Make yourself comfortable. Karina will be with us soon” Professor Jieong told you all, sitting at the table. You felt like you’re going to pass out.
“Y/N. Are you okay?” Someone asked.
“I’m fine. I just…need some water” You mumbled. Your head was spinning with the revelation of where you are.
“There’s a soda machine down the hall” Your professor told you.
So, you get up and go out without a word. There’s so much life here. Jieong was right, there’s a hum of creativity in the air and the vibe is far different from Yeonjun’s office. People are walking around, clad in pantsuits and pinstripe skirts, with clipboards in hands. A woman strolled past you holding a costume rack, with the fanciest gowns you’ve seen.
You’ve never seen so much activity in one place, everybody’s in a rush. You avoided making eye contact with anyone. You felt weird, and out of place. You’re on the tenth floor. Hyunjin worked on the eighth. It’s too much distance, and it’s not enough distance.
As your eyes raked over everyone, your stomach turned with a bit of hope. You want to see him. No, you need to see him. But why would he be on a floor that isn’t his? And what would he even say if you bumped into him right now? The last time he saw you…you can’t survive a repeat of that.
The vending machine was easy enough to locate. It was fully stocked, and huge, unlike the one at your apartment building, which hardly ever worked. You reached into your purse, hoping you have enough change for a Coca-Cola.
You feel on edge in the hallway, vulnerable and out in the open. Every second feels like you’re in the wild, as you rifle through your wallet for coins. In fact, you should just fuck the soda and go back to Kim Jieong, and your apparent mentor Karina, because being out here is too dangerous for your heart.
You’re about to push the coins in, and then you’re suddenly caught off balance as somebody barrels into you.
They were running in the hallway and clearly, somebody from your class wasn’t listening to Jieong about maintain fucking decorum in the building. Coins from your hand clink to the floor, scattering in every direction, and you can’t even be bothered to care.
“Shit, I’m so fucking sorry!” A deep voice apologised. It’s a voice you don’t recognise, and you’re grateful for the unfamiliarity. You’re really not in the mood for conversation, and you feel sick to your stomach.
The stupid fucking stranger bent down, retrieving the coins you’ve left everywhere.
“I’m so sorry. I was running and I…I didn’t see you” He grimaced.
“It doesn’t matter” You mumbled, moving to step away, not really making an attempt to talk because you are not in the mood for this. You don’t care enough about this soda.
“Wait, no, what were you going to get? I can buy you a Cola” He interrupted.
You looked back at him, into the eyes of the culprit, and you froze.
Chocolate brown eyes. Dark blue hair falling to his jaw.
You don’t know him, not personally, but you recognised him. You’ve seen him splashed across gossip websites, and news articles, and in all of the pictures Hyunjin sent you.
Of all the people in the entire building, it had to be him.
He’s holding a few coins in the fist and held his palm out to you. “Sorry, the soda machine on our floor is broken again” He told you, “I came up here to get some for myself but…”
“It’s…fine”
His eyes narrowed, “I’ve never seen you on this floor before”
You faltered, “I don’t work here”
For the briefest moments, something flashed through his gaze, recognition settling into his features, “Oh…okay”
“Have a nice day” You force a smile.
He doesn’t say anything, just stands up straight with all your coins in his palm, staring after you as you walk away.
»»————-
You need to leave. Everybody was gathered around a woman in the office, and she must be the mentor you’re supposed to meet today. Most of your classmates were looking through the various portfolio pieces laid out on all the conference tables. Minnie was deeply immersed in a painting and taking notes on her phone. Jeonghan was flipping through a brochure for an art gallery and his eyes widened when he saw you walk back in.
“You’re back” He grinned.
“I’m leaving” You mumbled, grabbing your bag. You feel so childish and immature for acting out like this, but perhaps it’s time for you to take a mental health day too. Hyunjin saw you in the city, and ran from you, so it’s only fair that you run from him too. It’s not like he even knows you’re here... it’s best to just remove yourself from the situation entirely, and fuck off.
“You’re what?” Jeonghan followed you outside the room.
“I’m not feeling too well”
“But what about Karina? What am I supposed to tell Jieong?” He asked frantically, and he’s chasing after you as you make your way to the elevators. You’re surprised he cares this much.
You turned, to look at him, “It doesn’t matter. I…I really don’t want to be here.”
He frowned, “But what’s wrong? You’ve been acting really weird ever since we came here. Or…actually, you’ve been weird the past week. What happened?”
“I’m fine, Jeonghan. I’m just sick” You told him, pushing the button to make the elevator come faster, and you were too impatient to wait for it, “I’m just going to take the stairs”
He tugged at your arm, turning you to face him, “Are you kidding me? We’re on the tenth floor, Y/N” He sighed, “Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but don’t bullshit me, please. We’re going to be seeing each other every day for a year. If things are fucked up, at least don’t lie about it to me”
You looked him in the eye, swallowing, “But…it’s really not important. I promise you’ll be the first to know when it is, okay? It’s just some shit from back home”
He frowned, “Okay but today is important, you…shouldn’t miss it, no matter what’s going on”
You pressed the button again, wishing the elevator would come faster so you could leave, “Jeonghan… I appreciate you caring. I really do, but trust me, nobody in that classroom is going to miss me, or even know that I’m gone”
“You’re kidding me” He sighed, as if he was personally offended by this, “Jieong used to talk about your art all the fucking time, before you even joined class. What makes you think he won’t notice?”
You’re not expecting to hear that, “Are you serious?”
He nodded, “He told us we had real competition to look forward to now. He was going on about how it’s been years since he’s seen such work. He really set the standards high for when you came in, Y/N. We all thought you’d be a bitch based off that but…it’s crazy. You’re actually the sweetest girl I’ve met in a while”
Despite your internal state of panic, it made you happier, “Oh…um, that’s a lot to live up to, Jeonghan”
“I know we’re still getting to know each other, but you’re a part of us now. I’m looking forward to know you even more” He smiled, reaching forward to pinch your cheek, “And see? You’re one of the only people who’s even allowed to call me by my real name”
You looked to the floor, then up at him, “Would he be mad if I left?”
“He wouldn’t be mad. Just disappointed…but…if you’re really feeling sick, I’m sure he’d understand. I can talk to him for you”
“Thank you, Jeonghan”
“Of course” He grinned, and caught you off guard by pulling you in for a half-hug. You stilled, not expecting that, but the physical contact felt nice, and you brought your arm up, to hug him back.
“I hope you feel better” He mumbled, as you pulled away, a small smile on your face. You’d made a genuine friend here, even when you weren’t trying to.
A ping rang through the floor lobby, and the elevator doors finally opened up.
You turned to step into it, but you stop short in your tracks when you look inside.
It’s a jolt to your dying heart.
Hyunjin is standing in front of you.
Your chest squeezes so you think you’re going to die.
Fucking hell.
Leaning against the elevator wall, arms crossed, his eyes widened as they fell on you. He instantly stood up straighter, ease disappearing from his body, surprise overtaking his features.
You’re sure your expression mirrors his. He was staring at you and Jeonghan, mouth parted.
Hyunjin is here. He’s in front of you.
You immediately stepped away from Jeonghan, but Hyunjin had already seen you embracing.
“Um…I’m sorry. It’s the wrong floor” Hyunjin spoke, but there’s shock in his voice, even if he’s trying to sound nonchalant. His voice was hoarse, like he’d just been singing, and exerting himself.
He leaned ahead, pushing the button to close the doors, but you can’t let him do that. He’s right here, and you need to go after him.
You turn to Jeonghan, rushed words, “I’ll…see you later”
He’s clearly confused. He chuckles, “What?”
He’s actually fucking here. It’s been so fucking long. You don’t have time to explain anything, and you don’t hesitate before stepping into the elevator, barely making it in.
The doors shut, and it’s just the two of you now.
Hyunjin was staring at you, and his hands are gripping the railing behind him, “Y/N…”
He was sweaty, and his hair was dripping wet, bangs sticking to his forehead. A white tank top hugged his body, over his sweatpants. He’s staring at you, and he looks so fucking good. Your brain is on overdrive, and you can’t process anything.
“Hyun…” You spoke. The floors are whizzing past you, and you don’t have any time. You both stepped forward at the same time, and you wrap your arms around him. He immediately hugs you back, pulling your body into his. His arms curl around your waist, and you’re on your toes, and everything is a blur. But you’re in his arms. You’re touching him, and you’re breathing him, and the void in your heart is already dissipating.
You could cry right now, because he feels the same to the touch, and his heartbeat is pounding so fast against his ribs, you can hear it.
“I missed you so much” You spoke into his neck, and your words are muffled by his hair, but he knows what you said.
“Y/N…” He whispered, hands tight around your body, and then he pulled away, “Jisung told me he saw you. I didn’t…I didn’t believe him. I had to see you myself”
“Is that why you were—”
“I was coming to see you” He interrupts you, and then his eyes dart to the elevator panel, to see what floor you’re on, “What are you doing here, Y/N?”
He must be baffled why you were at his workplace of all places in the world.
“I…I came with someone, Hyunjin, My professor…”
“Oh”
“Yeah…” You swallowed. You had so many questions. Why had he changed his number? Why hadn’t he talked to you in the store?
A part of you had doubted, if what you’d felt this summer truly was love, or if it was only infatuation…but seeing him right now, in front of you, it couldn’t have been anything else.
Every neural pathway in your brain was firing at total capacity, flooding your body with adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, every good hormone known to man. You were giddy, and nervous, and scared, and excited.
“I…don’t have much time. I was at practice and I need to get back…” He replied, and his breaths were shaky, “Somebody could see us”
“Wait—” You stepped forward, “You can’t just leave right now. I need to—”
Hyunjin lowered his voice, urgency in his tone, “I can’t talk here, not right now, Y/N”
He couldn’t walk away from you, not now, not again. You feel like crying already at the prospect, “But—”
“Meet me in the third room in this hallway, down the left. In fifteen minutes”
“What…?”
The elevator doors opened, and Hyunjin separated from you as if you’d electrified him.
There was a group of people outside waiting, and anybody could have seen you close to him right now. He stepped out hurriedly, saying nothing else. People flood into the elevator, but you’re still staring at him walking away.
Before disappearing around the corner, he turned to glance at you over his shoulder, and the surprise is still pure in his eyes. You used to hate these stolen glances, but right now… you live for it.
»»————-
The fifteen minutes dragged on at a snail’s pace. You don’t think time had ever been this slow, and your eyes strayed to your phone every few minutes, which only made time stop. You were pacing the hallway, clutching your bag in hand, eyes on all the different plaques of achievements hung on the wall. You recognised the band name, Urban Faeries, on multiple awards, and it brought pride to your soul, but you’re not really thinking straight.
You’re pacing, back and forth, and you drew a few suspicious looks but you hope they believe you’re just another stressed employee working here. The time is up before you know it. The third room, to your left, he had said. You stared at the unmarked white doors. You’d never live it down if you accidentally walked into a conference room, or an executive meeting. But you’d just have to trust your gut. You pushed open a door, stepping inside quickly.
You weren’t sure what you had expected. It was…a storage room. It's less fancy than the rest of this building. Racks and racks of clothing, and outfits were arranged on the sides. Stage costumes. They were all in plastic wrapping, like wedding dresses at a bridal boutique, and you could see the outfits underneath.
It had been ten minutes since you were here, and you’re staring at your phone, wondering if you were in the wrong room. He’s not here yet, and there’s a lump building in your throat. Minutes more pass, and you end up looking through the outfits hung on the rack. Sequinned jackets, tight bodysuits, leather pants. It was all so beautiful, and you imagined it all on him. There was a sheer top with lace sleeves. You shouldn’t, but you touched it, reading the tag on it.
Hwang, Hyunjin. KBS Gayo Daejon 2023.
So it was his. You had no idea he wore things like this, and you had a sudden overwhelming desire to see him in it. Lace covered every inch of it.
“You like that?” A familiar voice infiltrated your thoughts.
You were startled, letting go off it instantly. You felt embarrassed, like a kid caught stealing from a cookie jar, but all your feelings dissipated upon seeing him.
“Hyunjin” You realised.
He leaned against the wooden door, letting out a breath, like he’d run here. His gaze was on the bodysuit you’d just been eyeing. He continued speaking, nonchalant, “I personally think it’s a bit much. I don’t see the big deal, but the fans…they love it”
“It looks…great” You said, eyes drifting to the costume rack.
“I’m supposed to wear it, later this year”
You’re lost on what he’s saying. You just can’t believe you’re actually seeing him in front of you, flesh and blood.
There’s a singular lightbulb in the room, and it hangs from the ceiling, swaying back and forth lightly. Shelves surround you on both sides, and there’s only a narrow aisle to stand in. His back is flush to the door, and his arm reaches behind him, turning the doorknob until you hear a clicking sound.
He’d just locked you in with him.
You blurted the first thing that came to your mind, “Are you okay, Hyunjin?”
So much was on your mind, but that was the only thing that mattered. If the boy you loved was okay, then you would be okay too.
He breathed in, like every word was a struggle, and he was still catching his breath, “Yeah. Yeah. I’m okay…You?”
Now that he was here, you realised how small this room was. He took up so much space here, as he did in your heart. Twenty minutes ago, when you saw him…you were too shocked to process it, but now your eyes drifted over his figure. The white tank top fits his body in all the right places. It’s like every day away from you only made him prettier. You nodded, “I’m…okay”
Then his gaze raked over you. You suddenly feel conscious for the way you’re dressed. It’s different from how you used to in Daejon, and he realises that too. It’s more expensive than you’re used to. It’s artsy, like all the other kids in your class. You wonder if he hates it, but his gaze lingers on the strapless top and the silver pendant hanging from your neck. You recognise the look in his eyes, and it’s certainly not hate.
Your heart pounds at his gaze. The room suddenly feels even smaller now.
“Who was that?” He cleared his throat, “The…boy you were with”
“He’s another student…at The Atelier. I’m here with my class…”
“Oh…” His tongue darted out to lick his lips, and you tried to focus on his words, “So you’re here with Kim Jieong?”
You nodded. You’re so nervous. You’re fiddling with your fingers, “Yes”
In the little light of the bulb, you saw his lip curl up, “I knew that you’d get in”
He has such an effect on you, because just those words made you smile, “Yeah?”
In an instant it’s like all those months and weeks have been forgotten. It feels like there was no distance between you. Like catching up with an old friend after years, everything clicks into place like puzzle pieces that fit together.
“I told you, didn’t I?” He tilt his head, hair falling into his eyes, and he looked smug.
You clasped your hands behind your back, “You did…”
He continued, a little smirk playing at his lips, “I knew that you’d get into the program. I had a feeling that they’d made a mistake”
You’re smiling now, and your cheeks already hurt from the unfamiliarity of this action. It’s been a while since you’ve felt this way, “You’re proud of me?”
His features softened and he stepped towards you, “Is that really a question? Even when you hadn’t got in… I’d still be proud, but yeah…I’m so proud of you”
“Thank you” Your voice fell, chest warm, and you feel so shy, “You… always had faith in me”
“Is it everything that you imagined?”
“The art program?”
He bit his lower lip, “Mmh, and the city. Has Seoul been nice to you? Hopefully, nicer than it has to me”
You shrugged, “It’s been nice. I…made a few friends. I have a nice apartment. It faces a busy street…It kind of sucked that I didn’t get to share any of it with you”
His expression changed, “Sorry”
Tentatively, you took a step towards him. There’s only little space left between you now, but you’re both being so careful. It’s like a magnet between you two, you’re hovering but not getting too close, not touching.
You know that if he touches you, it’ll be the end of you.
“What’s going on, Hyunjin? Why did you ask me to meet you in here?”
He sighed, gaze darting to the corners of the ceiling, “It’s the only place in the building they don’t have cameras”
“Oh…” Everything suddenly made a lot of sense.
His voice softened, “Don’t worry. Nobody’s supposed to come in here right now. I checked all the schedules”
You have so many questions, but somehow you ask him the least important one, “The woman in the store with you. Was she your girlfriend?”
You regret it as soon as you ask. It makes you sound envious, and jealous. It paint a picture of you that’s not true. Sure, you’ve wondered about her identity all these weeks, but…she hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things. There’s more at stake here.
Still, Hyunjin’s eyebrows shoot up, “What?”
You feel stupid repeating, “When I saw you, you were with a girl…”
“No. No, she’s just my manager, Y/N”
“Is that why you pretended to not know me when you saw me?” It comes out harsher than you intended, but you don’t have time to ease into it. You need to know, because it’s bothered you for so long.
He swallowed, and guilt flashes over him. “Yeah. The manager I was with... She’s one of the less forgiving ones”
It eases the slight ache in your chest, but you’re not done. There’s an explanation for why he acted this way, but he’s not attempting to explain the rest.
“Why did you disappear, Hyunjin…?”
He swallowed, “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean — You changed your number all of a sudden. Do you know how hard I was trying to reach out to you?”
His fists are balled up at his side, digging into the material of his sweatpants. You feel a little bad for questioning him like this, and putting him on the stand, but you deserve to know.
“I’m sorry. I had to. I was afraid…” He trailed off, and it’s half-hearted.
So you pushed for more, “Afraid of what?”
He looked at you, straight, “I was afraid they’d find out about you. I couldn’t risk it. You know everything that’s been going on in my life, Y/N. With Chan and Jisung…I couldn’t let them get into more trouble because of me”
It hurts to hear that you’re only seen as trouble in his life. You’ve heard of many idols and celebrities who date, fall in love and marry. Why is it only an issue when you’re the one in love?
“I understand that, but…you could’ve told me. I was so fucking confused for months, and I thought I fucked up somehow. Did I do something wrong, Hyunjin?”
“What?” His voice raised a pitch, like he couldn’t believe you asked him that.
You tried not to cry, “I mean…I must have done something, for you to act this way towards me…you cut me off, with no explanation…”
You didn’t care anymore if you sounded needy, clingy, or desperate. You’d been craving an explanation all these weeks, and now that he was here…you couldn’t leave without getting one.
“No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong, Y/N” He stepped closer, until his chest is inches from yours, “I had no control of the situation…and I couldn’t risk contacting you”
You swallowed, “But why…didn’t you just tell me what was going on? I was…in the dark, for months”
“I’ve been meaning to tell you. I just didn’t know how”
“Tell me now…please”
“They went through Chan’s phone” He blurted, “After everything with Kairi went down. They were worried that something would leak and I…I couldn’t deal with that. So in the store…I couldn’t talk to you. Please believe that…especially not in front of her. It would’ve been hell explaining who you are”
He’s right. What good would it have done? The woman you were wondering about…she was just his manager. You knew that, of course. But still, it’s like you’re strangled by a lasso of truth as you blurted, “I was …jealous”
Hyunjin’s expression changed, and he tilt his head, “You were?”
He’s questioning you, yet there’s pride in his voice, like he’s happy that he had that effect on you, even if he didn’t intend to.
“She treats me like I’m a kid, Y/N” He tells you, with a slight chuckle, “She’s married and…way older than us”
The ache in your chest has subsided, “I don’t know. Maybe you’re into older women like her”
Hyunjin rolled his eyes, and there’s a playfulness in his voice. It truly feels like all of those months had been forgotten, “That’s a nice way to get fired”
“You can get fired?”
There is amusement in his features, “It’s a job, Y/N. Of course I can get fired…and anyway, does Kim Jieong know you’re here with me?”
You looked into his eyes, “Nobody knows I’m here…”
He nodded, relief sinking into his shoulders, “That’s good because—”
Hyunjin is interrupted by a loud sound.
You’re confused…until your attention turns to the door. The knob is turning…
Somebody’s trying to get in.
Hyunjin’s eyes widen.
Your eyebrows shoot up, and you panic. “Is someone—?”
He doesn’t let you finish your sentence. He clasps a hand over your mouth before you can speak, pushing you to the wall by his body, “Don’t say anything, please”
In a daze, you nod. Over his shoulder, you can see the knob struggling to turn. It’s met with resistance — The lock seems to be holding up.
“Hello?” An unfamiliar voice of a man asks, “Is anybody in there?”
“Shit” Hyunjin drops his head against yours, whispering, “I forgot to check for maintenance”
His palm is flush against your lips, and you’re glad he’s physically stopping you because your anxious breaths could surely be heard outside. You’re so nervous. You don’t know what would happen if someone finds you two here like this. Based on everything he’s been telling you, absolutely nothing good.
Suddenly, you feel guilty. He’s in here because of you. He can get fired because of you. You would never forgive yourself if he has to deal with any consequences, because of your existence, and instantly you understand why he did what he did. All your anger and confusion dissipates, and understanding sinks into you.
The door budges as somebody tries to kick it in, and the person on the other side curses loudly, “Is this door fucking broken again?”
You’re holding your breath too hard. You need to calm down. Your hands find their way to his waist, crumpling his shirt. You’re pinching at his skin, but he doesn’t care. He can hear your heartbeat, pounding so loudly. Silently, with just his eyes, Hyunjin asks if he can drop the hand.
You nod. He pulls his hand back and his palm is wet with your saliva. He doesn’t mind. He doesn’t even wipe it. He just stays in place, eyes locked onto yours. You couldn’t move… even if you wanted to. You’re frozen to your spot and caged by his body. It towers over you.
“Don’t worry…They’ll leave soon” Hyunjin reassures you, in a whisper.
You’re lucky he remembered to lock it. It’s undoubtedly a compromising position to be seen in. In a dark corner of the storage room —your bodies are squeezed together. He is dripping with sweat; you can feel it sticking to your skin. You can feel every muscle in his stomach, pressing to yours.
Your eyes meet each other, and they stay. It’s so quiet in here, you could hear a pin drop.
It’s as if he’s looking right into your soul, no words exchanged, but his eyes say everything. Like you’re challenging each other to some staring contest, seeing who would give in first, but neither of you do. You’re burning, pierced by his strong gaze but you look back at him, sight not leaving his for even a second.
He’s breathing so heavily — running on hormones and adrenaline, and his chest is moving in sync with yours. You can hear his heart thud erratically. It’s loud and frantic in a way he can’t control it. He was near you after so long.
“What if…they get in?�� Your voice is shaking, you hardly recognize it.
“They won’t” He whispers.
There’s so much need you need to ask Hyunjin. He’s been out of your life for months, but the only thing that matters right now is the feel of his body against yours.
One of his arms is against the wall. The other is flexed with how tight he’s holding you. He’s been working out. Right now, he’s drenched in sweat.
You’re dizzy with want. He’s trying, but failing at looking at how you’re pressed to him.
His gaze falls to your chest, then back into your eyes, almost shameless.
Your top hardly leaves anything to the imagination, squeezing your tits against his chest, and his gaze is fixated on it, dropping down every few seconds.
You’re not saying anything, but nothing needs to be said. A sweltering desire courses through your veins.
It’s impossibly hot — hiding in here with him.
You’re electrified by his gaze. It swirls with a thousand unspoken things.
This is fucking stupid considering the circumstances. You could be caught right now, and everything would be over then.
Slowly, your hand moves over his shoulder. You squeeze his bicep in your hand, feeling him up, and his heart beats the same but his body is different. He feels stronger to your touch, like he’s been dancing for hours on end, using up all his energy.
“You…feel different” You whisper in realisation. There’s muscle now where there wasn’t before. His breath hitches, like he’s holding everything in, and his eyes fall shut. His body has changed in your absence, and you hate it, and you love it. You hate that he’s not how you remember, but you love that there’s more of him to know. More of him to touch, and discover and feel.
He’s so close that his hair is falling into your face. He tilts his head to give you space to breathe. It only makes it worse because now his nose brushes against yours. There’s barely an inch between you.
What happened in these few months? You need to sit with him, and talk for days about it. You want to tell him everything you kept to yourself, every incident, every joke, every dream, every morning, afternoon and night. You want to kiss every part of him, so your lips remember his again. So it’s muscle memory, and so he’s never a stranger to you.
The mind forgets, but the body remembers.
Therefore, you can only blame it on your body right now that it’s horrible timing but you’re so fucking turned on.
The distance between your lips is nonexistent.
He’s breathing your air, and you’re breathing his.
You should move away now, but you don’t. Hyunjin’s breaths are shaky, and his hands on you are so tight, like he’s afraid to let go. Your breaths are shaky too, they’re desperate and no amount of air in the world can bring you calm.
You want to be even closer than you are, and you press yourself to him, but the only way to be closer than this is if he were inside you.
There’s no more sounds from the other side of the door.
And then his plush lips part to say, “I… think they’re gone”
Saying that was his first mistake, because as he speaks, his mouth brushes against yours, tenderly, so delicately.
Your heart jumps. You can’t control yourself. Slowly, you press forward, taking his lower lip between yours. Hyunjin tilts his head, so his lips fit perfectly between yours, but you’re not kissing, not yet.
You’re both not moving an inch, but you are biting down on his lower lip, and Hyunjin lets out a whine. It emerges from deep within his chest. His fingers dig into your waist, thumbs slipping under the top, to feel more of your skin. You tug at his lower lip with your teeth, pulling it. A rushed moan fills the room, and you soothe the bite with your tongue, but you’re still not kissing.
You grab his hands in your own, fingers circling around his dainty wrists. Silver bracelets clink against each other, as you move his hands up your body. You want him to touch you. He takes the invitation and raises his hands to your top, cupping your chest. Does he remember your body? You feel so much. Too much.
Hyunjin’s other hand slides into your hair, his fingers on the nape of your neck making you dizzy. Long, thin fingers with silver rings card through your hair, his nails brushing your scalp, and your heart stills. The jewellery he wears is different now, but you feel the same kind of insane.
But he still doesn’t kiss you.
He just tilts your head, so he can lean in, pressing a kiss into your neck instead. Your eyes flutter shut from the pleasure, and you can only focus on the sensation of his mouth. His mouth, that drops kisses along your neck now, a trail of spit and lust. You moan at the sensation, and it’s too loud.
“No…You have to be quiet” He whispers into your neck as he sucks on it. His voice is the same kind of sexy, but he’s never commanded you like this before. He kisses every inch of skin on your neck, moving closer and closer to your mouth.
A trail of kisses, up and over your jaw, until his lips finally meets yours. His second mistake is giving in. He closes the remaining distance, your hair bunched into his fist, and neither of you are breathing anymore because his mouth is crushed to yours.
All those months disappear into nothingness as you slip your tongue into his mouth. It’s what happens every time someone puts you and him in a room together.
You kiss him with desperation and Hyunjin kisses you in hunger. He pushes his tongue in, and you’re making out like your life depends on it. He doesn’t stop squeezing your tits, fondling them through the thin fabric of your top. The material does nothing to hide how turned on you are, but you can’t be embarrassed. Not when you can feel his crotch pressing into your leg, and he’s just as turned on.
His hands are everywhere on your body, finding their home on your waist, and he pulls you into him so your back arches off the wall. There’s no words exchanged and it’s primal in every sense. The air is filled with your breaths, and whines.
He’s burning up. You push him, until he’s pressed to the door instead. Hyunjin stumbles back from the force.
It’s like you want to be caught. The very door that separates you from the rest of the world. The only thing standing between you and total annihilation. It’s hotter this way, and you press your body to his, moulding your mouth to his, hands running through his hair. He lets out a moan that travels straight to your heart which is beating faster than it has in a long time. There’s a fire in it, and every touch of his skin against yours blazes it more.
He turns you around, until you’re pressed to the door instead. He grabs your thigh, pulling your leg up so it’s wrapped around his waist, and he’s grinding his crotch against yours. You can feel him in your core and you pull back to breathe, moaning, “Hyun…” You’re not thinking, only feeling him in every single atom of your body.
You tug at the drawstrings of his sweatpants. You need to take them off. You need him now more than ever. Hyunjin is your annihilation.
He realises what you’re doing, and he pulls away in a daze, spit-coated lips, “Wait, wait, Y/N…”
“What?” You mumble, kissing his jaw.
His eyes are squeezed shut, “Shit. Wait…stop, we can’t do this”
And you can only whine, pulling him back to you, “You say that every time”
His voice drops, a bitterness to it as if he’s just had some grand fucking epiphany, “Fuck. No, We can’t…”
He says that, but Hyunjin is a hypocrite because when you push your tongue into his mouth, he lets you. He tastes so good, and kissing him feels coming home. It feels like what you’d been missing this whole time and kissing him makes you feel alive.
He mumbles, against your mouth, “We… need to stop”
You pull back, only slightly, “But …nobody is going to know. You said it yourself, nobody’s coming in”
You lean forward to kiss him, but he moves his head away before you can. You’re too much in a daze to be hurt by this rejection. He shakes his head and steps away, as if he’s trying to wake himself out of his dream, “No, we can’t. Not like this”
“But…we’re just kissing—”
“No…this isn’t okay, Y/N. None of this is.”
You fall quiet, and his words are swirling in the room all around you. Your mind is having a hard time process them. You’re in a lust-driven daze, and you brace yourself against the door to catch your breath, “What do you mean…by that?”
He breathes in, snapping out of the lust, “We’re making out…in a fucking storage closet. Do you not see how much is wrong with that?”
His tone stings you. “I mean…I don’t Hyunjin. That’s what we’ve always done. The photobooth…the—”
“That’s exactly what I mean!” His voice raises all of a sudden, but he realises and lowers it again, “We shouldn’t have to sneak away to…to do this. I’m so sick of this…”
Your heart wakes up, but only because it’s suddenly hurting again. His lips are swollen from kissing you, but he’s speaking everything you hate.
Your chest hurts like it’s going to collapse. “You’re sick…of…me?”
He looks at you, distressed eyes, “No…of…of the guilt…”
Since when has Hyunjin felt guilty? And for what? “What are you saying, Hyun?”
“Are you not mad at me?”
“What for…?”
He let out a frustrated sigh, “I stopped talking to you…but you don’t seem angry at all”
“I thought you did that because you were forced to by your managers, by the company… Is that…not true?”
He looked right at you, a bitter chuckle, “Nobody forced me to do anything, Y/N. I wasn’t even supposed to see you today, but…after Jisung told me he met you in the hallway, I couldn’t focus on practice. The routine is usually muscle memory to me, but I forgot every fucking step, because… I realised you were here. But you need to know I didn’t come in here to kiss you. I just wanted to talk to you”
You swallow, crossing your arms against your chest, and your heart is still calming down, “Okay. Talk”
He breathes in, running a hand over his face, “I… lied to you, Y/N”
“About…what?”
“Everything that we talked about” He’s scaring you, “I told you that when you moved here that I’d take you to the studio, to watch me record my fucking music”
“Yeah?” You don’t know where he’s going with this.
“But I obviously can’t do that” He takes a breath, and it feels like he’s on the verge of a panicking, "I can’t…bring you to the recording studio. I can’t paint with you. I can’t show you my routines, or any of the things I promised you. You see that, right? I mean, even just to talk to you, I have to do it away from everyone. This is…insane. I don’t know why the hell I said all of that”
He's spiralling, and you need to calm him because he’s so fucking hard on himself, “That doesn’t mean you lied, Hyunjin. You said that because you wanted it to be true, didn’t you?”
“That’s the thing! It can never be true, Y/N. You don’t see that?” His negativity…hurts you.
“I called you in here to tell you this, but I forgot the way you make me fucking feel” He says, “I wasn’t…prepared to see you”
You hear everything he’s saying but it’s wrong. You couldn’t be a part of the life that he promised you, but you didn’t care. You don’t need to do all the things that you cannot. He’s bothered by something that you don’t even mind. All you know is that you can’t go more months without him. You can’t go a second more in your life without him.
You’d convinced yourself that you could never tell him your feelings because it would scare him away. But right now, you need to tell him. Time away from him was cruelty. It was insanity, and it’s something you never want to subject yourself to ever again.
You‘ve never loved anybody as much as him, and you never will.
He needs to know that. His lip is quivering, and he looks guilty, and scared. You have to tell him, before he says something he’ll regret. Maybe if you were more prepared, your confession of love would be in a beautiful place.
Like the top of the Chateau…That night, under the stars, he told you he found comfort in you.
Hyunjin was always the more romantic one.
So you can’t blame yourself for not thinking this through. After all, how could you have planned for everything that happened? A series of accidents, of coincidences that led you to him, over and over again. No matter how much life tried to pull you apart, you found each other.
It was fate.
“I don’t care, Hyunjin”
“What?”
You step closer to him, “I don’t care if I have to kiss you in a storage closet for the rest of my life. I would choose that any day”
His lips part. He’s surprised. But you can’t hold back your feelings anymore. That has got you nowhere.
You pull him close, “I don’t care about all that, I just…I just want you”
His eyes widen, “Why would you ever choose this?”
“That’s…up to me” You swallow. He’s staring at you. It doesn’t matter that your grand declaration of love won’t be in a place as beautiful as him. It doesn’t matter where you are right now, you need to tell him the truth.
The truth — I went insane in my life without you.
The truth — I literally cannot breathe if you’re not near me.
The truth — I love you so much that my chest hurts.
“Did he kiss you?”
His question catches you so off guard, that your eyes dart up to his, “What? Who?”
He lets go of your hand, “Yongbok”
Where the fuck did that come from?
Your eyebrows knit together, and you’re so confused.
Yongbok doesn’t matter right now. You frown, “I don’t want to talk about him”
Hyunjin nods, “So…he kissed you”
You’re lost for words. You thought you two were more mature than this, “So that’s what this is about that? You’re acting this way because you’re jealous?”
He squeezes his eyes shut, “Yeah. I am. I am jealous, Y/N. It kills me to know that he’s known you all your life, and I can’t even have you to myself for one entire summer”
“But nobody is stopping you from having me”
“Everything is stopping me!” He cries out.
You flinch.
His voice falls again, and you can feel his distress, “I’m afraid, okay? I’m fucking scared that they’ll find about you and—“
“And what?”
He squeezes his eyes shut, “You’re going to get hurt. You’re not stupid, Y/N, and you fucking know that better than anyone”
“How can you be so sure of that? You’re the one that’s making decisions that hurt me, I mean I couldn’t even tell you I got into the stupid program because you cut me out from your life, all because you’re afraid of something that hasn’t even happened? Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong? What are you so afraid of?!”
He falls quiet, and he isn’t looking at you anymore. He stepped back, inhaling deeply, as if to anchor himself. His eyes meet yours, “You…shouldn’t have come here, Y/N”
Your voice breaks, “Why?”
“It would have made everything a hell of a lot easier”
“What would it make easier?”
He swallowed, “Having to stay apart from you”
He says things like that so easily, and his words bury deep into your skin.
Your voice broke, but you’re not done fighting for him, “I thought you missed me. I’m not afraid to admit that I did, okay? I missed you every second I was away from you—”
“I called you in here to say goodbye”
Your voice is merely a whisper, “What?”
His lip is quivering, “I wanted to see you…because this is the last time”
“You don’t mean that…”
There’s a tightness in your chest. You can’t breathe.
He swallows, “You and I both knew that what we had in Daejon…it couldn’t be anything else”
“Please don’t say that”
He looks to the floor, away from you, “I’m sorry”
You don't understand. Things were just okay, “Are you being like this… because of Chan’s break up?”
His tone changes harshly, “That has nothing to do with you”
You swallow, staring at him. Your eyes fill up with tears. You thought this stupid storage closet would be where you finally tell him you love him.
He doesn’t pull you in to comfort you, like he’s always done. He just looks at you, glistening eyes and his lip is quivering.
This can’t be it. There’s more to you and him, and this isn’t fucking it. Then his phone buzzes. Hyunjin ignores it at first.
Until it gets constant, and he sighs, “I’m sorry. I need to take this. You have to go, Y/N”
His words shake you to the core, and you can’t speak.
“Can you just please make sure nobody sees you when you leave?” He asks, strained, “I know you hate me right now…but please”
You nod. You have nothing to say. Even in this moment, you love him more than you ever have.
You’re so stupid. You thought nothing in the world could make you let go of him but just like always, Hyunjin is one step ahead.
He’s already let go of you.
»»————-
masterlist ⇒
please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :)
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star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 14
synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.
there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.
pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader
genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers
word count: 35K (🫠)
warnings: cursing, drinking, jealousy, mutual pining, sexual tension, intense making out, dirty talk, mature content, sub! hyunjin, references to fingering, mentions of the word cock, dom! hyunjin, handjob, grinding, dry humping, overthinking, references to anxiety and therapy, slight confrontation, opens with a flashback
a/n: thank you for being so patient with me, and this story! i worked a lot for this chapter, and its very pivotal to the rest of the story, in terms of hyun and yn. in fact almost 80% of this chapter is just them. i hope you love it. its very longg so please grab a blanket and snacks before sitting down to read it ;)
i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!
important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.
masterlist
summer of 2015.
“Do you know why those stars are called Cassiopeia?”
The constellation was more visible than ever tonight — made up of five stars, it almost looked like a Queen sitting on her throne, in the sky.
It was a real question, because you had absolutely no idea why the constellations were named after Greek myths. You’d read about it, of course, within faded literature pages in middle school, but you’d never been interested in astronomy, so you hardly paid attention.
Staring up at it now, you wished you had.
“Hmm?” He asked, and you realised that he also hadn’t been paying attention, to you.
“Cassiopeia” You repeated, pointing your hand upwards, at the bright stars.
“I don’t speak French, babe”
“It’s Latin…” You told him, “What are you thinking of?”
The sand between your fingers was icky, but once you got used to it, it wasn’t all that bad. The waves rushing over you felt calm. The sea was warm this time of year, and the only thing you had looked forward to all summer was this moment, right here.
“I’m thinking…about how I’d do anything for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now” He replied, as if he’d been crafting his answer with perfection for ages, as if you hadn’t just asked him about the night sky, something completely unrelated.
You turned your head, cheek pressing into the sand, “Really, Lix? We…just ate”
Felix sighed, still staring at the skies above, but making no effort to actually see anything, “I know, but…I’m still hungry”
It was tradition at this point, for you and Yongbok to run away to the beach, lie down in the sand, and talk about anything and everything in the world, or talk about nothing at all.
He was the one person in your life you didn’t mind silence with.
You rolled over to face him, as another wave washed over the two of you.
He squint at you, “What? Don’t look at me like that”
“Like what?” You laughed, elbows digging into the sand, “The carbonara Hana made was good, Lix. It was her first time making that too, don’t be so harsh on her”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good, but I just don’t understand why we didn’t let Minho make dinner, as he does every time. You should stop being a kiss-ass to Hana”
“I am not a kiss-ass” You rolled your eyes.
He sighed, and sat up, making you sit up too, knees digging into the wet sand. You fixed the red strings of your bikini, tightening the knot at the sides.
He stopped you in the midst of that action, hand landing on your bare thigh, “Please? Just one sandwich?”
“Why can’t you make it yourself?” You frowned, looking up at him.
“Because…I don’t wanna get up” He hummed, lending his help to you. His fingers drifted upwards to your swimsuit and he tongued his cheek, “You don’t even know how to tie a knot properly. Let me”
You sat back, hands resting on your thighs as he took over. His fingers were cold, making you shiver, and Felix smiled at that.
“Did you even hear what I said?” You asked, annoyed.
He squinted, “About the French chick?”
You glanced back up at the sky, and the constellation that you had been talking of, “Greek. I was asking you if you know why the stars were named after her”
“Maybe she was really hot”
You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure she was”
He looked up at you, after tying the strings in a perfect knot, “Then they should name a star after you too, Y/N”
“Stop” You laughed, pushing his hand away, “You’re just saying that because you want me to get you food”
He smiled, shameless, “Yeah I am. Please?”
You glanced towards the cabin, a few hundred or so meters away.
There were no lights on, since everybody else in the house had gone to sleep. Along the rest of the coast, other cabins dotted the beach, of all sizes and styles, lit up and occupied by families or groups of friends. It was a hot summer and nobody liked to stay in their stuffy city homes.
But the coast was beautiful, and serene.
“Fine” You hummed, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “But you owe me, Lix”
His eyes were bright and you could never say no to him, so you gave in.
“I love you” He sang, as you walked over to the cabin, footsteps light in the sand.
You took your time, relishing in the cool wind against your skin, occasionally turning back to smile at Yongbok. His eyes never left your figure until you reached the porch, making sure you got there safely, even though it was the safest place in the world.
Soon, this summer would end and you’d be back at school, missing this gritty sand and warm seawater.
Yongbok’s shirt hung on the porch railing, next to your sweater and you slipped it on over your bikini, before stepping inside. The cabin tend to get cold, even on summer nights like this, so you hugged yourself to keep warm, as you walked through the foyer.
Your friends were sleeping, and you had to be quiet. Treading carefully, the loud creak of the door still gave your presence away, wooden planks becoming wet with your footsteps.
You blindly fumbled in the dark, finding your way to the kitchen.
The television was on.
It was a little past three, and static noise buzzed through the little house, flashing colours lighting up the living room.
“Hello?” You asked, trying to see in the dark, “Minho?”
A blanket lay on the couch, but whoever had been watching TV had already left, since the remote lay buried in the pile of cushions. Frowning, you picked it up, turning it off.
“Just because Yongbok’s uncle pays for this doesn’t mean we can leave shit on…” You sighed, in the empty room, hoping Minho would hear you. The cabin was small, so even if he was upstairs, he’d be able to hear you.
Now that the television was off, the entire room was engulfed in darkness again, and perhaps it would have been smarter to just leave it on so you could navigate.
You weren’t scared of the dark, but you were easily startled. Moonlight filtered in through the windows, and peeking out, you could see Yongbok’s shape against the dark horizon.
In the blue light of your phone screen, you spotted your headphones on the coffee table. You plugged them in, switching to a playlist Yeonjun made as you slipped the headset over your wet hair.
It was silly, that you’d be making sandwiches for him at this time of the day, but you’d do just about anything in the world for Yongbok.
Humming along to your music, you stepped into the pantry, searching for the bread. For some reason, Minho had brought back four different kinds of bread from the local bakery earlier today, and you peered at the labels, wanting to pick one which wasn’t multigrain, since Yongbok hated that.
Whispers interrupted your search, and you stilled in your movements.
“Yongbok?” You turned around, but you couldn’t see anything or anyone in the dark.
It was probably your music that made you hear things, and you turned back to the shelf.
“There you are” You smiled, spotting the Whole Wheat Bread.
You stepped into the kitchen, packet clasped tightly within your hands and that’s when you saw them.
You stilled in your movements.
The bread unceremoniously dropped from your hands, landing on the musty floor with a thump.
What the fuck?
Across the kitchen island, sat on the two bar stools, your best friend, Song Hana was kissing your other friend, Yeonjun.
No. They weren’t even just kissing. Hana was halfway in Yeonjun’s lap, and his tongue was so far down her throat that this obviously wasn’t the first time it happened.
Your reaction of surprise wasn’t loud, but it might as well have been like dynamite inside the quiet house because it made them jump apart from each other, turning to face you.
His eyes were wide, as she noticed you in the doorway, “Oh my god. Y/N. Hey”
Hey?
So simple. Hey, I wasn’t just making out with our best friend.
You wish you could have just walked away without drawing attention to yourself, but now they were both staring at you.
You cleared your throat, thankful the dark concealed your shock, wondering what you could possibly say to diffuse the awkwardness, “Uh, I didn’t know anyone was awake in the house”
“Yeah” Hana laughed, fumbling over her words, “I couldn’t sleep so…I came to get some dumplings”
Your gaze drifted to Yeonjun, and a faint pink coated his cheeks, but he wasn’t even looking at you.
“Right... Jun?” You asked, making him finally glance up. Even in the darkness of the kitchen, you could prominently see the shape of his Adam’s Apple, as he swallowed, “Yeah, Y/N? Were you at the beach?”
You obviously saw them kiss, but they were hiding it, and there was nothing more to say.
“I…um, I just came to get some jelly, for Felix” You told them, “But…I’ll leave you two to it. Enjoy the...dumplings”
You immediately turned around, because you had to process this - whatever the hell you just saw, because your best friends were hooking up, and this was how you found out?
Hana had never expressed a romantic interest in him before this, what changed? Your friendship was too special, far too precious, to ruin with an impulsive mistake or decision like that.
You would ask her about it later, not tonight.
You had to get back to the beach, to Felix.
To something familiar, and comforting, and known and—
—A hand immediately grabbed your arm, stopping you in the corridor, in the midst of your thoughts.
You shouldn’t be surprised that it was him coming after you, instead of her.
Yeonjun was always the one wanting to fix everything, “Y/N, please wait”
He was always the one who never wanted to hurt you.
“Yeah?” You turned around, hoping you sounded as nonchalant as you wanted to, “You can keep the bread. I…I’ll just tell Yongbok we don’t have any”
“You’re hurt”
Your eyebrows shot up, at his statement, “Hurt by what? The sandwiches weren’t even for me, I’m fine”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about”
A laugh escaped you, “Then what?”
Yeonjun closed his eyes, “I wasn’t hiding it from you…I was going to tell you”
“It’s okay, I can pretend I didn’t see anything” You shot him a smile, trying to leave but he pulled you back. You stumbled towards him in the dark corridor, wondering where Hana was, if she was listening to this, and what she must be thinking.
“Jun…” You laughed, another forced chuckle.
A flash of regret painted his eyes, “I promise, I was going to tell you”
It was cold, and you were confused, but Yeonjun’s grip was warm, and understanding.
He didn’t need to explain himself.
You were…just surprised, a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head of everything that could possibly go wrong after tonight, and wondering if you really knew your friends as well as you thought you did. They’d been hooking up all this time, and you never noticed, and you never picked up on any hints?
You were more disappointed in yourself than anything.
He continued speaking, “I was going to tell you in the morning, I didn’t know you’re still awake, Y/N”
“I just didn’t expect that. Does anybody else know about you?”
He shook his head, “There isn’t an us”
You swallowed, “I mean, it’s fine if there is. It’s just…kind of something I have to get used to. How long have you been-”
Yeonjun grimaced, “No, you don’t understand. That was the first time it ever happened, Y/N”
Your voice fell, “What?”
“You just …walked in on our first kiss” He explained, “We haven’t ever done that before. That’s what I was trying to tell you. It just happened”
“But…” You squeezed your eyes shut, “What? I don’t understand. Are you…two tipsy or something?”
Yeonjun laughed, “I wish, but no. We’re...completely sober. Sorry you had to see that”
Your voice softened, tension falling from your shoulders, “You don’t have to apologise. I just didn’t expect...”
He nodded, a chuckle escaping him, “Yeah. You know that I’ve liked her for years”
You crossed your arms, hugging yourself, “Yeah…I just, I had no idea she liked you back”
He laughed, “I didn’t either, but she said that she always wanted to kiss me too”
“That’s good” You told him.
He lowered his voice, “Y/N. There’s something else. She said she’s in love with me”
Your eyes shot open, “What? In…love with you?”
He nodded, a smile on his lips, “I know. It was hard for me to believe too. The girl of my...fucking dreams just said that to me, like it took no effort. I didn’t think that stuff happened in real life”
This changed everything.
Yeonjun was only sixteen, and he’d found the love of his life, and you were so happy for him.
Your eyes lit up, “Did she kiss you first?”
He nodded, his lips still had traces of Hana’s lipgloss on it, “Yeah. She did”
“Fuck, that’s...really cool” You stared at the floor, trying to process it, “I was just taken aback, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to freak out or anything”
He shook his head, “No, I completely understand”
Just then, Hana stepped out from the kitchen, footsteps timid, hands hugging herself as she saw you, “Hey”
“Hey”
The only light in the corridor was from the moon, and it illuminated their silhouettes beautifully.
They hadn’t even got together yet but you could imagine them being perfect together.
“I’m sorry you had to find out like that” She bit her lip, “We were going to talk to you tomorrow. I’d never keep something like that from you”
Yeonjun glanced at her, eyes crinkling, “I told her”
She looked up at him, mouth parted, “You did?”
The way they were looking at each other made it obvious. This wasn’t just a temporary, impulsive crush. Was it so easy to find the love of your life?
“I’m…gonna go up to bed though” She squeaked, and Yeonjun nodded.
She turned to you, “Is it okay if we switch places? I wanted to stay with him tonight. You could…stay with Minho, or Felix?”
“You’re kicking me out of our room?” You joked.
Hana immediately seemed guilty, “Sorry. I can move your things for you”
“It’s okay” You nodded, even though you had far too many things and art supplies for Hana to even attempt to move, and you could never fall asleep in Felix’s bed, but they were in love and that was the craziest thing in the world, so those technicalities didn’t matter right now, and you’d make do.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to move my stuff just for tonight. I can share Lix’s comforter” You smiled at her.
Hana walked away, and you were left alone with Yeonjun.
His gaze trailed to the kitchen, “Did you want something…from in there?”
You remembered the reason you’d been here in the first place, “Felix…he wanted-”
“Peanut butter and jelly?” He finished your sentence, “It’s almost four in the morning”
“Yeah, you know how he is” You laughed.
He sighed, shoulders sinking, as realisation sank in, “Sorry”
For what?
He had nothing to be sorry for.
Guilt overcome you, because you’d walked in on his first kiss, essentially ruining it and now he was saying sorry to you.
You frowned, reaching to grab his hand, “For what? I’m really happy for you, Yeonjun. I’m sorry I ruined your first kiss”
“Y/N-”
“I should be the one apologising. I know I was surprised at first, but you know that you deserve the best? I…know how long you’ve liked her, and I’m really glad she feels the same way. Why are you apologising for that?”
Yeonjun was looking at you in amusement, and he reached ahead to tuck a wet strand of your hair back, “You’re really special, you know that right?”
“What?” You frowned, “Why?”
“I was apologising to you just because…me and Hana finished all the jelly”
»»————-
“The jelly is gone”
Felix turned to you, quirking an eyebrow, “What does that even mean?”
You settled back into the sand, still in your sweater, curling your legs up, “It means…the jam is over. They finished it”
“Who?” His voice raised, in pointed annoyance, and surprise.
“Yeonjun, and Hana”
Felix sighed, leaning back on his palms, “Why were they eating jelly at three am?”
“I walked in on them kissing” You blurted.
“What?”
“I just…I saw them, inside, kissing”
“Wait, what?” He shifted on his knees, towards you, “Who? Hana and him?”
You glanced at him, “Yeah, who else?”
A variety of emotions passed Felix’s face, and perhaps you weren’t the only one having trouble processing this. They would be perfect for each other, but what if they were not?
You buried your hands in your sleeves, watching the moonlight bounce off the high tide.
There was silence between you, the only sound of the ocean waves breaking at the surface.
You had been excited for them, but now that you truly thought about it...a worry festered within you.
“I didn’t know Hana liked him back” He spoke.
“They’re probably gonna date, right?”
“I don’t know” He shrugged, “They might”
You traced a heart in the sand, “I’m happy for them”
He tilt his head, “Yeah, sure, you sound real happy, Y/N”
You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling crazy for even thinking all of this but you could tell Yongbok anything so you did, “I am. I’m just worried”
“About?”
You felt like a child, but you had a tendency to imagine the worst case scenarios, “What if they stop hanging out with us?”
Felix’s eyes softened, “Babe…”
Your voice shot up, “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen it happen. What if they break up? Everything’s going to go to shit then. It’s a bad idea to date within your friend group, isn’t it? This could be the downfall of everything”
Felix sighed, shifting closer to you, “Nothing is going to happen”
“You don’t know that” Your voice now broke, and you felt stupid for worrying when you should be happy for them, “I don’t want to lose them…or you. You guys…are the best thing in my life”
“Babe, they haven’t even started dating yet” He chuckled, hand reaching to your chin, “Calm down”
You erased the heart you’d drawn, “Yeah. You probably think I sound dumb as fuck”
“I’d never think that about you” He smiled, “Your concerns are very valid…but I don’t want you to be upset about something that may never even happen”
You sighed, and maybe spending so much time around Felix had made you as dramatic as him, “But what if we have to choose? I don’t want any of them to get hurt”
“Why would we ever have to choose?”
“I don’t know. Like…pick a side between them, if they fight. You know that I can’t choose, I love Yeonjun as much as I love Hana-”
Felix laughed, “God. I love you”
“Don’t laugh at me” You frowned.
“I’m not laughing at you, babe” He smiled, “I just think you’re…making yourself upset for no reason. You love doing that”
You looked up at him, “Lix…”
His voice softened, against the harsh ocean waves, “Nothing is going to happen. Even if it does, you’re not gonna lose us. I’m always going to be here, you know that, right?”
You grabbed his hand, pulling him closer, “What about…when you get a girlfriend?”
Felix laughed, “I doubt that’s going to happen soon, but if I ever have to choose between my girlfriend and you…I’m picking you. It’s not even a question”
A smile made its way onto your face, “Thank you. I would do the same”
The edge of his lip turned up into a grin, “I know you would”
Staring at Felix now, you felt the calm return.
The ocean was beautiful again, the sky was vast, the stars endless, and you felt at ease.
Things would perhaps forever change tonight, your best friends were in love with each other, but maybe everything else would still be the same.
“It’s a good thing, right Lix?” You asked, squeezing his hands so that your nails dug into his soft palms.
He tilt his head, “What is?”
“Love. Them…being in love? It’s a good thing” Your words were low, because you didn’t even really know what you were asking.
“Of course it’s a good thing, but it’s not just about their love. It’s about ours too”
You were confused, “Ours?”
His eyes swirled with intensity, and he swallowed, “Ours, like all of us. You, me…Minho, and them”
“Right”
“What constellation were you telling me about earlier?”
“Cassiopeia?” You questioned.
“Hmm. That” He crawled over to you, “Which one is it?”
You pointed him in the right direction, just over the horizon, where it was visible, “The five stars, it kind of looks like a W”
“Right, and she was some hot Greek chick, right?”
You laughed, “Yeah. She was”
He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close, “Well, she...died like billions of years ago, but she’s still here in the stars, isn’t she?”
“What are you trying to say?”
Felix turned to smile at you, “We’re just like her. The five of us. Five stars. That can’t be a coincidence, can it? We’re not going anywhere, okay?”
Your eyes widened at the sweet metaphor. Yongbok wasn’t one for romance, or anything of the sort, but you knew he meant his words.
He believed them.
And if he did, so would you.
“The five stars” You smiled, feeling your calm return, “Immortal”
He laughed, “Yeah. So don’t worry about us. You need to have more faith in us, Y/N. Things don’t just fall apart so easily, they won’t”
“I know” You laughed, “I guess it’s kind of crazy. They found love so simply”
“You jealous?” He nudged you.
You rolled your eyes, “I wouldn’t even know what to do with love once I found it. All I need right now…is a job this summer, something to do, so I don’t sit at home and waste my youth”
He laughed, “Right, there’s the Y/N I know, only in love with the craft. I’m sure there’ll be a place in town you can work at this summer. Maybe a café , so you can get me free pastries every day”
“Oh. I almost forgot. Are you still hungry?”
“Starving”
“I got you the sandwiches” You reached behind you for the Tupperware container you’d brought out of the beach house.
His eyebrows knitted together, as he stared at the box, “I thought you said the jelly was gone”
You lift the plastic lid, “It was but I crushed up some fruits, and I read online that if you add honey, it tastes just like jam…that’s why it kind of took me longer in there”
Felix doubled over, laughing loudly, “Oh my god. You did that for me at four fucking am?”
“It may not taste the best, but you better enjoy it” You mumbled, shoving the container into his arms.
“I know I will” He smiled, “And don’t worry about them, okay? No matter what happens, you always have me”
“Thank you, Lix. I know"
»»————-
summer now.
It had been years since you’d made each other that promise.
Tonight, it felt futile, as you stared at the myriad of overwhelming text messages he had sent you. You had texted him back, telling him that you weren’t home, but he hadn’t replied since then.
“More beer?”
You looked up, to see Yeonjun stood with another bottle in his hand, a cranberry extract he’d brought straight from his freezer.
You hated beer, but you needed it tonight, so you grabbed it from him. It surprisingly didn’t taste horrible, so you savoured the fruity flavour in your mouth.
“What did you say to him?” He asked, sitting down next to you.
“I told Felix I’m not home…” You spoke, “I asked him if we could talk tomorrow instead? I hope he understands”
“I mean, to Hyunjin” Yeonjun cleared his throat, “You were about to go over to his place, right?”
You glanced up at him, chest wrenching.
Sinking into the cushion, you stared at your phone, “I told him I can’t come either. He…didn’t question it. He probably was expecting me to cancel anyway”
Yeonjun needed you right now, and you couldn’t just abandon him— no matter how much you wanted Hyunjin, no matter how fucking horny you felt after that phone call.
Your legs still felt weak, your heart was still pounding impossibly hard, and your underwear was soaked, but that wasn’t important right now.
Your needs could be saved for another day.
He would understand. Hyunjin would still be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and you could meet him then.
“You really don’t need to stay with me��� He spoke, “I feel like an asshole keeping you here”
“Yeonjun. You were crying, at three in the morning. I’m not leaving you alone”
He sighed, taking another sip of the cranberry beer, “Did you tell him why…? I don’t want Hyunjin to hate me”
“And why would Hyunjin ever hate you?” You turned to him, confused. Yeonjun hadn’t done anything wrong.
His eyes were still glossy, fresh tears dried on his face, and you hated the sight of it. He wasn’t an easy crier. In fact, in all your life that you’d known him…you could count the number of times you’d seen him so upset on one hand.
He licked his lips, swallowing, “Because I always keep coming between the two of you”
“Shut up” You scoffed, shoving his shoulder, “You know that’s not true”
He was still serious, despite the fact that you didn’t blame him at all, “Isn’t it? You were literally on your way to see him”
“I can see him tomorrow” You shrugged, trying to maintain a semblance of indifference and nonchalance, convincing yourself that it wasn’t that important. After all, it would be stupid to acknowledge how truly dependent you’d become on Hyunjin for your happiness.
It wasn’t right, and even though seeing him right now felt urgent to your heart, to your body, you would still live another day and the world wouldn’t end if you didn’t meet him right this moment.
“I guess I don’t need to ask why you were on your way to him at three in the morning” He added, a teasing evident in his tone. You looked over to him, the emerging smile on his face and if teasing you was going to make him feel better, then you’d indulge him in it.
You laughed, embarrassed at how you’d been feeling like a fucking horny teenager, “You know Jun…any other day you would be very wrong, but tonight, I have to say it is exactly what you think”
“I thought you two weren’t going to be anything” Yeonjun hummed, stating the obvious fact that you were carefully trying to circumvent.
“We aren’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything” You tongued your cheek, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened.
It started out as just a simple phone call.
How did it escalate to that?
“Right. I’m sure having sex with Hyunjin won’t mean anything to you at all” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “Sounds just like you”
You looked over at him, “Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you can call me out like that”
He laughed, leaning closer, “I’m just saying. He’ll probably be a million times better than the boys you’ve been with. Are you even prepared for that?”
You narrowed your eyes at him, heart jumping at his implication, “You’re supposed to be talking me out of this, not give me more reasons to want to jump him”
Yeonjun laughed louder, “Man. You should enjoy this feeling, while it’s at its peak”
“What feeling?”
“That feeling, you know…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “When you’re falling for someone…and you’re fucking crazy about them, about every little thing they do? I remember, in the beginning, I used to have heart palpitations every time I saw Hana braid her goddamn hair, or something because she looked so adorable”
“What?” You let out a giggle, “I didn’t know you care about stuff like that”
Yeonjun smiled, “I was into everything that was about her, or even remotely related to her. I guess I was obsessed, but I don’t think anything in the universe can top that feeling”
You nodded, and you wondered if you’d ever stop feeling that way about Hyunjin.
It had been months you’d known him, years since you’d first seen him, and your heart still went berserk at the mere thought, “Sometimes when I’m talking to him, it…feels like I have tunnel vision. I can’t see or comprehend anything except him”
“I know what you mean” He smiled.
You swallowed, remembering the reason for Yeonjun’s tears, “I’m sorry…about you and Hana”
“Yeah. I’m sorry too”
You reached over, to grab his hand, “And I’m sorry your heart is broken, and I wish I can take that pain away”
Yeonjun’s smile was sad, in return, “Me too…”
The couch cushions were frayed at the edges, because he hadn’t lived here in a while, and you fiddled with the corners to distract yourself from everything, from his broken heart, from your pining one.
“Did he say anything? Hyunjin?”
You peeked into your phone, to read the new texts, “He said, I got a call from Chan too. I hope Yeonjun feels better”
“Oh”
“Yup” Your fingers wrapped around the ice-cold beer again, and you took a swig, hoping the liquid would be enough to calm the fire in your heart.
“It’s from the 7/11 behind Aera’s” Yeonjun explained, as if he’d read your mind, “You like it?”
“I do” You swallowed, refreshing your phone to see if Felix had said anything yet.
Yeonjun was silent, and he sat like that for a minute, staring into the dark corners of his living room, until he spoke, “Earlier today, I was thinking of the summer me and Hana got together”
“I was thinking about that summer too” You mumbled, “Can you believe it was almost…six years ago?”
“Six years?” He laughed, “That’s insane”
“It is. It feels like yesterday”
“I told her I loved her that summer for the first time… and six fucking years later, it’s not enough. You’d think the person you love for six years, you’d stay with them forever”
“I know...” You realised.
“What did he say…when you told him you can’t come? Felix?”
Perhaps, on another day, you would find it funny that Yeonjun had to keep clarifying which boy he was referring to, as if you had a carousel of boys in your life to keep you busy.
You sucked in a breath, “He didn’t say anything. I just...don’t understand what happened between us. One day we were fine, the next he hated my guts. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to him, my own best friend”
“The only thing between you and Felix…is Felix himself. It’s not your fault”
You laughed, realising the situation, “I’m sorry, this is so…typical of me. I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around”
“That goes both ways” He hummed, and you looked over at him.
He looked exhausted, sat with his legs curled, dressed in silly panda pajamas. It remind you of high school, when you used to study together; you would help him with literature so he could help you survive math.
You used to sit right on this very couch, frustrated with the books, wishing everything in life was as easy as painting.
Even though as of late, you’d contemplated why everything seemed to be against you, you realised how blessed you were to know him.
He looked so different from the boy you’d grown up with, yet still somehow the same.
Yeonjun was only twenty-two, but he’d just lost the love of his life, and you could see that in his gaze.
It resembled yours, the night you lost the apprenticeship.
Maybe that was an insensitive comparison. After all, a lover couldn’t ever compare to a temporary two-year art mentorship, could it?
Yet, your craft was the one thing in your life that you know you’d have, even after he left. That would still be the same.
Yeonjun had the hint of a smile on his face as he watched you finish the beer, and he was so handsome when he smiled, but…the crinkles in his eyes were strained, forced.
He was only smiling so you wouldn’t worry about him.
“Why do you we put ourselves through this?” You blurted, the effects of the beer settling in.
He tilt his head, “Through what? Feelings?”
You chuckled, staring at him and the spots that dotted his cheek, “Yeah. Feelings”
“At least we have each other” He laughed, “I’m really glad you exist, Y/N”
You wanted to stop moping, and to just appreciate what you had.
You shifted closer to him, so that your bodies would touch, and you wouldn’t both be alone right now, “I’m glad you exist too, Jun”
He immediately wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him.
It was always better to be alone together.
The television was right in front of you, and the shelves framing it were stocked with old VCRs, and tapes and movies.
“Remember when there were five of us on this couch…and there was absolutely no space for anyone, but we would watch Say Anything over and over again?” You laughed, thinking back to all the sleepovers.
You’d spent so much of your childhood here, in this room as Yeonjun’s mum baked you treats. Tonight seemed to be a night of remembering, and of nostalgia, and your mind felt clearer than it had in hours.
Maybe it was Yeonjun’s arm around you, maybe it was the memory of Hyunjin’s voice in your head, or maybe it was the fact that Felix had finally reached out to talk.
You wonder what he had to say, but regardless, that was a problem the you-from-tomorrow would worry about.
You-of-tonight would just let this night be, and not try to make of it more than it was.
“Do you wanna watch it?”
You glanced at him, “Just the two of us?”
He nodded, “Yeah”
It was well past three am, and starting a movie right now would mean that you both wouldn’t get any sleep, but that was okay, and some sleepless nights were worth it.
You had work in the morning, but Yeonjun wasn’t here for long so you had to make the most of those moments. This might be exactly what he needed, to feel better.
“All right” You agreed, “Let’s watch it”
He got off the couch, stretching his lanky panda-pajama legs out. He wandered over to his cabinet, filtering through the box of CDs. You hadn’t used those in forever, far too used to the Netflix you shared with Yongbok, but perhaps bringing everything back to as it was, is what would make everything better.
“What do you think he wanted to talk to me about?” You wondered out loud, tracing the rim of your new beer bottle.
Yeonjun was sat on his knees as he searched for the movie, “Honestly?”
“Yeah”
He stared off into space, hands paused in his work, “Felix…would do anything for you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to apologise now”
You nodded, taking another sip of the cheap cranberry-extract beverage.
“I made a promise to him, when we were fifteen… that I wouldn’t let anything come in between us. Do you think he blames me for what’s happening to us?”
Yeonjun glanced at you, soft gaze, before turning back to the wooden box, “He could never blame you for anything, Y/N”
You sighed, “Yeah”
“Do you need help?” You realised, as Yeonjun frowned.
“Could you check the other box?”
You nodded, joining him on the wool carpet, rummaging through the box his sister had labelled.
“I swear, Yuqi needs to have a better organisation system in place” He mumbled.
“I miss her” You laughed, “How is everything with her?”
“She’s actually visiting soon, especially when I told her I was back in Daejon for a while” He smiled, “She’s almost done with her studies”
“That’s crazy” You laughed, “Is she gonna work in Busan too or will she move back here?”
Yeonjun hummed, “You can ask her all of that when she comes. I really do not want to discuss my sister right now”
You laughed, flitting through the various discs.
“Found it!” You declared, bringing out the DVD and handing it to him, “Will it still work?”
“I have faith it will” He got up on his knees, inserting it into the player, “Does Felix know you’re at my place?”
You shook your head, “He would freak”
He seemed to be pondering over it, “You could…call him here”
You blanked, “What? You…two haven’t talked in months. I don’t think he’d come here, even if I called him”
“Say Anything was his favourite film. Tell him we’re watching that”
You laughed, because the idea was so ridiculous, “You think Felix would put aside all of his animosity towards you…because we’re watching his favourite movie?”
Yeonjun nodded, “It sounds exactly like him”
You chuckled, “Yeah… you’re right”
You sent him a text.
im watching say anything…
If you wanna come?
felix:
i thought you said you’re not home
you:
im not
im with yeonjun
we’re gonna watch it together
felix:
you’re at yeonjun’s house??
you:
yeah
we can talk about whatever it is you wanted to discuss here
felix:
sorry yn
im gonna pass
you:
seriously?
im trying here lix
felix:
trying what exactly?
you:
i thought we agreed not to let anything get in between us
or do you not remember that summer?
felix:
out of the two of us, i don’t think im the one that doesn’t remember that summer
ill see you later yn
you:
sometimes youre being impossible and i don’t know what you want
felix:
maybe it’s better you don’t
“Any luck?” Yeonjun asked, and you glanced up at him, disappointed.
“Nope”
He let out a sigh, taking a seat back onto the couch, and you joined him. The disc player made a lot of noise as it started up, and you feared it may not work from years of no use, but the screen lit up.
Perhaps the reason you liked this movie was because it was so simple.
It was about an impossible love, made possible, against all odds.
You settled into Yeonjun’s shoulder as it started.
It didn't feel the same without them. There were silly parts that Felix would always laugh at, jokes that weren’t even funny, and Hana would always be pointing out the inaccuracies in the movie, to Minho’s joy.
It wasn’t the same.
Everything had changed.
Would things be different today, if you’d thought with your head instead of your heart?
Or would everything still be the same?
“Do you believe in fate?”
He glanced at you, new bottle of beer balanced in his lap, that he’d took from the icebox near his feet, “Hmm?”
It felt sad, just the two of you, drinking away, at what should be the peak of your lives.
“You know…the notion that there’s a path our lives are supposed to be on, and that every choice or decision we make just takes us there”
“I don’t know, Y/N. Doesn’t that mean we have no free will? That everything is already chosen for us?”
“I guess” You shrugged, reaching for the bottle between his thighs. He let you, and you brought it up to take another sip.
“What? Do you think it’s fate we broke up?” He laughed, “Me and her?”
You shrugged, “No, I guess I’m just thinking if I made the right choices this summer”
“What do you mean?” He turned to you, seemingly having lost interest in watching the movie anymore.
You picked at the fabric of the couch, “I loved how things used to be. Still, I was fighting it for the longest time because I so badly wanted everything to change too. I wanted to move out. I wanted Felix to support that. I wanted Hana to not be heartbroken anymore. I wanted us all to…stay in touch, no matter what, but now I wonder if wanting all of that is futile. I can’t have all of it. Isn’t that too greedy of me?”
“Y/N…” Yeonjun spoke, “It’s okay to hold on to the things we love, even if you want your life to change. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wishing that”
You bit your lip, “Because now I really wish Lix were here…I made a promise to him that I’d never let anything come in between us”
“You were fifteen. I made a lot of promises to Hana too, which obviously aren’t true anymore… but that doesn’t mean I was lying when I made them. People change, and priorities change. It’s not set in stone”
You nodded, “I guess promises when made, are just hope that even if everything in the world changes, you’ll still hold on to that person”
“Yeah”
“Tonight at the pool, before the dinner party, Hyunjin said that he would finally tell me what was going on, with Jisung, with the media, and why he’s been so stressed the last couple of week. I wanted to ask him so many tim-”
Yeonjun turned to you, “Did you just say Jisung?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Um. Nothing. I just…heard about him…on the news”
You sat up at those words, turning to face him, “What did you hear?”
He sighed, “You really want me to tell you? It might be better if Hyunjin does. I don’t know the whole extent of things”
A wave of worry washed over you. Was the situation really so bad that Yeonjun, a person who didn’t even keep up with such news, had already heard about it?
You settled back down, because there was no point stressing over it now, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, first thing. I hope Jisung is okay”
“How is his band anyway?”
“You haven’t heard their music yet?”
He shrugged, “On the radio, a couple of times”
“What? They play his band on the radio?”
Yeonjun glanced at you, smiling, “Yeah. Sometimes when I’m browsing the television, their videos also come up. Their sound is really fucking cool”
“That’s crazy” You realised, “I think I’d lose it if I heard Hyunjin’s voice on the radio. I’d...probably think it was fate or something”
“I have no doubt that you would” He laughed.
“I haven’t heard all their albums” You admitted, “Does that make a bad friend?”
“Depends” He shrugged, “Why haven’t you heard it?”
You fiddled with the blanket in your lap, “If I hear all their music, and his voice when he sings…I might fall even crazier in love, and that’s just…avoidable”
Yeonjun smiled, eyes crinkling, “Why…why don’t you tell him, Y/N?”
“Tell him what? That I haven’t heard all of his music? He’d hate me-”
“That you’re in love with him”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because if he knows you love him, it might change everything”
You swallowed, “It won’t change the fact that he is who he is, and that his life is the way it is”
“No, but listen to me, Y/N. Love is a…it’s a huge fucking thing. It might change everything, if he knows what you feel for him, the true magnitude of it. He might reconsider his never-dating-anybody theory”
You stared at Yeonjun as he spoke, unable to even imagine or comprehend how Hyunjin could react to such knowledge.
To be told that someone was in love with you.
How would you react to something like that?
You’d never been in that position before, not romantically anyway, and maybe Yeonjun was right. It would change things. How could it not?
“I’ll…think about it”
“Sometimes, the things that can make the most difference in our lives, is the stuff that we don’t say”
“God. You’re like…a complete self-help book speaking at this point, you know that?”
Yeonjun rolled his eyes, poking you, “If someone told you they loved you, wouldn’t that change everything?”
“It’s hard to imagine. Maybe you’re right”
“When is he going back to the city?” Yeonjun asked, the one topic you’d been avoiding forever.
Your heart stung at the reminder.
He was going to leave, eventually.
“Not till the end of summer, which is still a month away, so...I have time”
But he would leave.
“He’s going back in a month? Fuck, that’s...not much”
“Yeah” You nodded, “I’m trying not to think about that. It’s...too soon, it’s going to go away in the blink of an eye. I don’t really wanna think about how I'll feel the day he leaves”
“I understand”
“I’ve gotten so used to him, and being around him, it feels...natural, and after tonight- we’re only getting closer”
Yeonjun smiled, “Maybe one more month with you, and Hyunjin may just change his mind”
You rolled your eyes, “It’s impossible”
He sighed, wrapping his arm around you again, “Guess what? Last week, at work, one of the HR interns…she asked me out on a date”
“What?” You laughed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“There was nothing to tell. She’s cute, well I don’t even know her, but I think I’m gonna take her out next week”
“You are?” You giggled, shifting closer.
He smiled, waving his hands about, “It’s time for me to finally branch out. To move on”
“I can’t believe all of this started from Hana wanting to move on, the beginning of this summer” You remembered.
Yeonjun glanced at you, “So then technically, you have me to thank for bringing Hyunjin into your life”
You laughed loudly, “God, yeah, I guess that is it. You’re responsible”
He grinned, pulling at your cheek, “I guess fate does exist”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. If me and Hana had to be over so that you could find the love of your life, I’d say it was pretty fucking worth it”
You rolled your eyes, “And why can’t the both of us…be happy? Is fate so cruel to deny you your one true love?”
Yeonjun turned to smile at you, a glint in his eye, “Well. Maybe… the cute intern from HR is the love of my life”
»»————-
The loudness of The Grove did nothing to ease your headache. It was just a little past six am, but the diner was in full swing, and customers filtered in and out of the joint, grabbing their usual breakfast waffles and chocolate milkshakes.
“Give me just two more minutes, Y/N!” Seonmi yelled, over the counter, as she sped through making the quickest caramel macchiato you’d ever seen.
“Of course” You responded, balancing your bag on the counter as she cycled through the customers. You’d hardly slept last night, not even having the energy to finish the film, and you and Yeonjun had fallen asleep on the living room couch as the credits rolled.
You had been woken up by your very loud alarm, and you’d apologised to him for it, somehow forgetting that today was a work day, and that you’d have to leave at dawn.
Glancing around the diner, you noticed some familiar faces from the Lakehouse party, people you remember seeing through your blur of tears. San and Seonghwa knew a lot of people, but you hadn’t expected to see them around town so soon.
One of the boys made eye contact with you, and you looked away, hoping none of them remembered the harsh fight you’d had with Hana.
They probably heard everything.
Not that you cared what they thought of you, you just wish you could go back to that night and erase the argument, for your own sake.
“Okay, I can take your order now!” Seonmi squealed, stepping up to you, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
You tugged the earphones out of your ears, smiling at her, “Can you take a breather for me?”
Her eyes widened, in perplexed cuteness, “What do you mean?”
“You seem so stressed and the day hasn’t even started yet” You grabbed her hand over the counter, squeezing it, “Don’t forget to breathe”
Her lips tugged up, “Thank you, Y/N. You know how it gets sometimes, there’s a rush this morning and I don’t even know why”
“Well, I don’t know how it gets since I don’t work in the most popular diner in town” You teased her, as she smiled, “Something tells me a lot of people come here for the cute waitress”
She let out a giggle, “Thank you. What can I get you, though?”
“The regular would do” You told her, playing with the little tabletop jukebox, “Whipped cream too, please”
“Of course” She smiled, getting back into the meld of things, and you took a temporary seat at the barstool, as she made your drink.
“Those people…do you know them?” You asked her, glancing over at the group.
She looked up momentarily, “The ones from San’s party?”
“Mmh”
“They’re older than me, so I don’t really hang with them much. I think most of them are only here for the summer”
“Really?”
Seonmi nodded, as she piped whipped cream onto your hot latte, “Jiho’s from Seoul, and Alexander, he’s visiting from up in Incheon”
It seemed like everyone your age who was born here, had since moved out of Daejon, in pursuit of happiness, and better things.
“Ah, I see” You bit your lip, even though you didn’t know who Jiho was or who Alexander was.
“Why do you ask?”
“They were looking at me earlier, and I think I saw them playing beer pong at the Lakehouse. Just wondering” You shrugged, as Seonmi reached over, handing you your cup.
“Ah, probably because of Hyunjin” She giggled.
“What do you mean?” You tilt your head, a soft smile fighting you just because hearing his name made your heart pound like crazy, even at six am on a work day.
“You know…” She glanced up at you, while wiping the counter clean, “You and him are always together…people are talking”
You sat up straight, “About… us?”
She nodded, “Don’t worry about it though, the people of Daejon always need something to talk about. They’ll move on soon”
Even though you hated town gossip and rumours, the idea that people associated you and Hyunjin with each other made your heart warm. You’d never thought something that bizarre could happen, but hearing his name with yours made it all the more real.
You smiled, flushing at just the thought of him, “Um…did he come by earlier this morning?”
Seonmi had moved on to her next order, hurriedly adding caramel to a drink, “Hyunjin? Nope”
You frowned, “He usually comes by though, right?”
She nodded, “Without fail, every morning…he’s here. Kind of gives me something to look forward to, if I’m being honest”
“Yeah?”
Seonmi paused in her work look at you, “Yeah. He’s always so…kind. It’s like within the flurry of customers, he’s the only patient one. Plus, he’s a sight for sore eyes on morning shifts”
You chuckled, “I didn’t know he’s here that often”
“Oh, he is. I guess Hyunjin can’t live without his coffee either” She shrugged, and then suddenly lit up as if remembering something, “Oh! The other day, you should’ve seen him, Y/N, he was so cute. He spent the entire day here, just reading this book he’s carrying around, and wow…everybody was asking about him, about the quiet, pretty boy in the corner”
Just hearing Seonmi describe him made your heart flutter, because you could picture it so perfectly in your head, even though a part of you was also envious that she got to see him like that, instead of you.
“When was that?”
“A couple of days ago” She scribbled an order for another customer, “I wanted to ask him what book he was reading, but I was really nervous”
You laughed, “Why were you nervous?”
“He’s…intimidating, and I didn’t wanna bother him. But you two are close, maybe you can ask him for me”
Close couldn’t even begin to describe it, but how else would you explain what you two had?
“Yeah, we’re…close”
“Kinda weird he isn’t here today” She added, “But you can always bring him coffee… Maybe he’s busy, or slept in late”
You hadn’t even thought of that, “I could?”
She laughed, “I mean you two are practically dating, aren’t you?”
The warmth faded, and you shook your head, “No of course not, we’re …friends”
Of all the things going on in his life, he couldn’t afford to get into a dating scandal right now, especially because of you.
“Right” She rolled her eyes, “You should still bring your hot friend a coffee”
“You think so?” The idea of bringing it to him made you giddy, because you could imagine his smile, and it would be such a great start to your day - making him happy.
“Of course. He gets the same order as yours anyway, I’ll just add another to your tab”
“Okay” You agreed, and pulled out your phone.
You hadn’t talked to him since last night.
Since…that phone call.
The memory made you red and hot all over, and you opened up his texts. You weren’t sure how to even start, but perhaps you wouldn’t overthink it.
It was obvious to him how you felt, especially after that conversation, and you would just be yourself now.
There was only a month. There was no time to shy away from what you truly wanted.
No more holding back, or second-guessing.
you:
good morning hyun
are you home ?
His reply was instant, meaning he was awake and okay, and you leaned on the counter, waiting for him to type out his answer.
hyun:
morning yn :)
yes i am
where else would i be at six am ?
you:
idk haha
im at the diner
are you coming here ?
i was thinking i could, like meet you before work
hyun:
oh
im sorry
i don’t think i can
you:
is everything all right?
hyun:
i think i might be sick :/
you:
what??
what’s wrong?
hyun:
haha its nothing…
just my head hurts like a bitch
ive been up all night
You frowned, heart clenching at the thought of him being in pain.
“Here’s your coffee, love” Seonmi interrupted, placing a to-go cup in front of you, “Well…Hyunjin’s coffee”
“Actually…could I get some peppermint tea instead?” You asked, and she stared at you like you were crazy.
“You’re asking for tea?”
“Hyun is feeling sick” You told her, and just the words felt bitter in your mouth.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, he didn’t say much, just that his head hurts” You frowned.
“Oh” She pouted, “Of course. I’ll get you some right now, but it might get cold by the time you get it to him. Maybe the caffeine will help more?”
“You’re right” You stared at the coffee.
“Hey” She laughed, reaching forward to grab your hand, “Now you’re the one who looks stressed”
“I am… just worried about him”
“He’ll be fine. It’s only a headache” She hummed, returning to her chores, then teased, “Just friends, you say”
It was your turn to roll your eyes, “Friends can be worried, too”
“I know” She laughed, “It’s funny cause Eunbi keeps saying the same thing to me about her boy. Just friends”
“Who’s Eunbi dating?” You questioned, hoping some town gossip would distract you from Hyunjin being unwell.
Seonmi glanced up at you, lowering her voice so the other patrons wouldn’t hear, “Oh, they’re not dating. Just fucking”
“I didn’t know Eunbi is into that kind of situation” You noted, grabbing Hyunjin’s coffee in your hands.
“Yeah! I honestly didn’t think Felix would be either but like…they’re both hot, so I completely get it”
“What?” You looked up, stopping in your movement.
She flippantly glanced at you, “Yeah…her and Felix”
“Wait…what?”
She chuckled, “They’re fucking…I just told you. You didn’t know?”
“No…” You trailed off.
Is that what Felix wanted to talk to you about?
She stared at you, realisation dawning on her face, “Oh. I thought everybody knew”
“I didn’t” You stated, perhaps too harshly.
“Fuck. You’re…not in love with him or anything, right?”
“What?”
She shrugged, “I mean…you two have been…you know…best friends since-”
You frowned, grabbing your bag off the counter, “No. I’m just taken aback…”
“You sure?” Seonmi frowned, eyebrows knitting together.
You stared at her, “Yeah. I’m sure”
“Well, I’m sure he was gonna tell you soon. Maybe he just forgot”
“Yeah. We’re not really talking right now” You mumbled.
She nodded, “Ah. Eunbi mentioned that. Your fights”
“She knows about that…?”
She shrugged, knowingly, “Yongbok told her”
You squeezed the coffee cup in your hands, a bitter taste in your mouth but you didn’t have time to dwell on this right now, Hyunjin needed you, “I…um, I better get this coffee to him before it gets cold”
»»————-
It had only been a few minutes since you knocked at his front door, the floral wreath hung on the front shaking every time you did so, but nobody had come to the door yet.
You should be patient and wait a bit more.
But your mind assumed the worst, like what if Hyunjin passed out…or fell so sick he couldn’t get out of bed?
You had half a mind to bring out your phone to ask him where he was because he said he’d be home, but your hands were unfortunately occupied by the coffee.
The revelation from the diner was still bothering you, but now, you had more important things to worry about.
“Hyun?” You called out loud, in the hope that maybe if he didn’t hear the knocking, he’d hear your voice.
In response though, you heard a bark, making you jump out of your skin.
Kkami.
He was nearby, and you stepped off Hyunjin’s porch, following the sound of his puppy’s excited mewling and barks.
“Kkami?” You asked, tentatively, peeking around the side of his house.
You don’t know how you hadn’t noticed this before.
A little metal gate, rusted, led to a back garden.
The path was surrounded on either side by overgrown vines and flowers.
You hadn’t ever come here before.
Well, technically you’d only been to Hyun’s house once and hadn’t seen anything except his bedroom. The memory made you warm, and you relived it in your head as you pushed open the rusted garden gate.
The path ran along the side of Hyunjin’s house, and stepping over the pebbles, you passed the windows of his kitchen and living room.
You were trespassing, technically, but he would understand, right?
“Kkami…?” You called out again, emerging into the back garden, when the little ball of fluff ran head-on towards you, jumping at your body with enough force, catching you off guard.
The surprise knocked you and the coffee to the ground, and the cup overturned, spilling all over your top.
“Ow” You mumbled, hitting the grass, as Kkami began licking your hand, and the coffee soaked all the way through your shirt.
It was already cold by now, so it didn’t burn. Still, frustration coursed through you because you’d carefully sought this coffee for him, and now you wouldn’t even be able to give it to him.
“Oh my god” Hyunjin’s voice interrupted your short-lived misery, and you looked up, an impossible frown on your face.
A frown that melted immediately, with the sight that you were greeted.
Hyunjin.
He sat cross-legged on the grass, across the garden, a soft white sweatshirt enveloping him.
A paper-thin novel was held between his hands, glasses pushed up to his hair, and you had half a mind to question just why Hyunjin was up at six am on a weekend, and reading a goddamn poetry book, but that wasn’t the craziest thing about him today.
His hair.
Wispy bangs fell into his eyes, the color of fucking chocolate.
What the fuck?
Your annoyance at Kkami was forgotten, and so was any semblance of a thought you had in your head. Talk about a fucking cliche.
“Y/N…” He immediately stood up, placing his book to the side, face-down on the grass, and you worried that the pages would get wet, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to care about that right now.
He rushed to you, bending down to your height, “I’m sorry, Kkami. He…”
Carefully, he pried the puppy away from you, telling him to go sit in a hushed whisper, before he turned back to face you.
You felt silly, sat on the grass on your butt, with just your palms supporting you, coffee soaking through your work clothes, staring at him.
Had his eyes always been that pretty?
The light-brown hair brought out the hazel in his eyes, which seemed even brighter now, and every romance book you’d heard Hana talk about suddenly made all the sense in the world, as you felt yourself get sucked into the depth of his gaze.
“You okay?” He tilt his head, the movement making his bangs shift, and you noticed that the side strands were longer, framing his face perfectly.
His brows were darker now too, to match the hair, and just when you thought you couldn’t go absolutely insane about him anymore, he’d prove you wrong by doing something like this.
His lips, puffier than usual, curled up into a smile when he noticed you staring so blatantly.
“Yeah” You cleared your throat, “You…you said you were sick”
So he just forgot to tell you this morning that he’d completely changed his hair?
“I am” He chuckled, then his gaze fell to your top, “You’ve got coffee on you”
“Oh” You glanced down at it, and you didn’t feel anything, or maybe you were too enamored by the boy to feel any pain.
He must be a fucking siren, or a creature of some sort to have this sort of effect on you, even after all this while. Everything you’d been worrying about seemed like a distant memory, a problem you didn’t have to deal with, and all he’d done was say five words to you.
“Are you hurt? I’m sorry about your coffee…Kkami is misbehaving a lot-”
“It’s actually your coffee” You stated, looking back up at him, finally finding your bearing on coherent words and sentences, “Well…was your coffee”
“Mine?” He smiled, “You brought that for me?”
You nodded and added, stupidly, “I…was at your front door, but you weren’t there, so I…came in through the metal gate”
“Yeah. I was here” He explained, even though it was obvious, “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”
You nodded, reassuring him, “I’m okay, but…if you’re sick, why are you out here?
“I needed some fresh air. My head…” He grimaced as another bout of pain hit him.
Without thinking, you reached forward, caressing his face, and Hyunjin was taken aback, just slightly.
Your voice was low, soft, “It hurts?”
His eyes fixed onto yours, as your fingers trailed down his jaw, “Yeah”
“I’m sorry” You spoke, “Where does it hurt?”
He grabbed your hand within his, long fingers wrapping around your wrist, and guided it to just above his eyes, brushing past his bangs, “Right here, but…don’t worry about me”
“Let me take care of you” You blurted, touching him delicately.
His eyes closed, and he smiled, relishing in the feeling, “I need to get you out of these clothes first”
“What?”
His eyes shot open, realisation sinking in, “I mean…the coffee. You have to change”
“Oh, okay”
“Come on” He gestured, helping you stand up, with your unsteady feet. The cup of coffee lay upturned on the grass, along with your bag. Hyunjin held your hand in his own, and bent down to pick up your bag with his other. He slung it over his shoulder, tugging the strap tightly.
You looked around the back garden, and it was so beautiful that you had to do a double take just to take everything in.
“It’s amazing” You breathed, watching Kkami play in the grass, tossing and turning around. Your gaze fell to the book that lay open on the grass, and Seonmi’s words came to mind, “What were you reading?”
“I can tell you that later, when you’re warm and dry” He chuckled, then touched your lower back to guide you into the house, “Come”
You nodded, his touch sending a tingle down your spine, but let him lead you into his house.
It was crazy, that just yesterday you were so bold, talking about the things you wanted him to do to you, and now…now you were going into overdrive just at his hand on your back.
You craned to look at him, “Are you in a lot of pain?”
He shook his head, “I’ll be fine”
There was another entrance at the back of the house, sliding doors opening up to reveal his living area, warm wooden floors and cosy seating. Kkami ran in just after the two of you, jumping around the futon.
“Do you want to wear something of mine?” Hyunjin asked, leading you to his bedroom. You’d been so lost in him that you’d forgotten what you were doing here.
You had initially been on your way to work.
“I have…a hoodie in my bag. An extra one” You told him, “I brought it in case it gets cold”
He stopped at the threshold of his doorway, looking at you, “Well, that’s perfect then”
“Yeah” You nodded, “Can I change in your bathroom?”
“Of course” He smiled, and you stepped inside.
Being back here after all this time, was strange.
His bed was exactly the same kind of messy, but covers and duvets now switched out for a sky-blue color, and his pillows were lined up against the wall.
It made you want to lie down, since you were severely lacking sleep, but you had work, and this bed wouldn’t probably be big enough for the two of you.
The thought was ridiculous anyway, but it left you wondering.
Last night, you were on your way here in your lustful daze, and if Yeonjun hadn’t been heartbroken, you would have come here.
The canvases leaning against the far wall were new; you could tell he’d been working on so much art in your absence. Paint canisters were haphazardly placed across the floor, and you carefully walked amongst them, hoping to not knock over any.
Pushing open the door to his bathroom, you placed your bag on the counter, searching through for your hoodie.
Hyunjin leaned on the doorway, watching you, peacefully. He must be in more pain than he let on, because he was hardly saying anything.
You glanced at him, eyebrow raised, “Are you… going to stay here while I change?”
He laughed, “No, I…I’m just…Never mind”
He turned around, giving you the privacy you needed.
You peeled off your tank top, scrunching it up over the sink to squeeze the liquid out, and you both didn’t address the fact that you hadn’t closed the door, instead letting Hyunjin stand facing the other way.
If he turned, he would see you in just your bra, but you honestly didn’t even mind, or care.
Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you wiped the sticky coffee from your forearms.
“I’m sorry about Kkami” He spoke again, and you glanced at his back. It was cute, how he stood facing the other way, arms crossed, like a kid on a timeout. His hair grazed just past his shoulders, the chocolate brown contrasting perfectly with his sweatshirt.
“It’s all right” You smiled, running the shirt under water.
“Are you dressed?” He asked.
“Not yet” You told him, pushing your arms through your spare sweatshirt, “I’m… really upset”
“Why?” He asked, surprise in his tone.
“The hot drink…it was supposed to make you feel better” You frowned. “Now I don’t have anything to give you”
“That’s okay” He laughed, “I already feel better”
“Your head doesn’t hurt anymore?” You asked, looking over at him.
“No, it does hurt but some sleep will make me feel better” He laughed, “Are you dressed now?”
You glanced at him, a soft smile overtaking you, “No”
Hyunjin nodded, a small ‘Okay’ leaving his lips.
You laughed, pushing your sweatshirt down to cover up, “Why are you so impatient? But yeah, I am dressed now”
He immediately turned around at those words, and pulled you in for a hug, like he’d been counting down the seconds till you could be in his arms. You stumbled into his embrace, surprised at his urgency.
“Thank you for coming to see me, Y/N” He mumbled, face buried in your hair, and you brought your hands up, wrapping your arms around his waist.
“You don’t have to thank me” You smiled, dying but living for the warmth of his body.
He squeezed you in his embrace, “I do”
It was a simple hug. It felt so innocent, so tame, so mild compared to last night, yet the carnal desire you felt for him was just the same, if not more now.
How could Hyunjin be more desirable when he wasn’t even trying to be?
All he was doing was hugging you in his little bathroom, surrounded by potted plants, and fragrances, and candles, and they were all so him.
Pulling away, you looked up, noticing the puffiness of his eyes, “You look so tired”
“I had a stressful night…after you told me you couldn’t come” He explained, “I ended up calling Chan, and we talked up until five”
“Five am? So…you haven’t slept at all?”
He nodded, a forced smile as he shrugged, “Guilty”
“Hyun…” You frowned, “You need to get some sleep, now”
He sighed, “Now? I’ll end up sleeping through the day if I do, and I…don’t want to waste any time”
“Waste?” You questioned, “It’s not waste. You’re…just sleeping”
“Yeah” He swallowed, “But…”
“But?”
“But you won’t be here” He finished, “And I would much rather…spend time with you. I know you have work today, I was thinking I could come in to the shop. I promise I won’t distract you, I could sit and read. You won’t even know I’m there. Or I could paint”
You couldn’t help but smile, heart swelling at his eagerness, “If you’re there…I won’t be focusing on my work, Hyun”
He shook his head, as if he’d already prepared the answer, “Then I can sit in the back room. You won’t know I’m there”
You giggled, “Then what’s the point?”
He tilt his head, “The point is… that I’ll be close to you”
Your smile grew, and you tightened your grip on his waist, “You…changed your hair”
His eyes widened, “Yeah. I did. Took you long enough to notice”
“I noticed it the second I saw you. I just-”
“You didn’t say anything” He interrupted.
Your gaze followed the light-brown tendrils as they grazed his jaw, “I don’t even know what to say”
“You hate it?” His smile fell.
You shook your head instantly, “No. It’s…It… reminds me of chocolate”
His lip tilted up, “Good enough to eat?”
You laughed, letting go of his waist, “I take the flirting as a sign that you’re feeling better”
“Mmh”
“You still need to get in bed”
“Are you gonna show me how much you like it in bed?” He asked, and you laughed.
“Shut up” You pushed him, lightly, “It’s unlike you to ask for validation”
“It’s unlike you to be so flippant to me” He pouted, walking back into his room.
It was hot inside so he pulled off his sweatshirt, revealing the tight black t-shirt he wore inside. The neckline dipped low enough to reveal his collarbones, and it was different from the more oversized shirts he usually wore. He stretched his arms, a small yawn escaping.
“I…have to get to work” You realised, “I’m gonna make you some coffee first though, is that okay?”
He glanced at you, in surprise, “You don’t have to”
“Caffeine will help with the pain���
He shook his head, “I promise I’ll take a nap after you leave”
“Okay” You nodded, grabbing your bag, “I’ll…get going then”
You passed him to leave, but he reached out, tugging at your tote bag to stop you.
You looked at him, “What, Hyun?”
“Aera’s doesn’t open until another forty two minutes, and it’ll only take you eight to get there” He hummed matter-of-factly, with the convincing powers and puppy-eyed gaze of a kid who wanted to go to Disney.
“What’s gotten into you?” You laughed, but let him take your bag, indulging him in his little request. He was right, after all.
You had to make the most of your time with him, even if it were stolen little moments like this.
You leaned against the bedroom door, eyeing him up, as he put your bag to the side, and he clearly didn’t plan on letting you leave anytime soon.
He bent down to gather the stray paintbrushes on the floor, “I just felt like spending some time with you. Is that so wrong?”
You smiled, looking around the room, “Why is all your shit everywhere?”
He glanced up at you, “I paint when I’m stressed”
“Oh” You recalled, “You were painting last night when you called me”
“I was” He hummed, “When do you get off work?”
“Couple of hours”
“You don’t work Saturdays, usually”
“You have my schedule memorised?” You raised your eyebrow, wanting to tease.
“It’s not that hard” He rolled his eyes, “You work alternate days”
“Right”
He kneeled onto the floor, pulling out a wooden basket from underneath his bed, placing paint tubes inside it.
You weren’t sure what to do as he started packing his art supplies.
He wasn’t even saying much, as you stood leaning against the door, observing him, recognising the tune he hummed to himself.
He bent over, and whenever he did his shirt would fall forward, allowing you a glimpse of his chest.
Every time you met, you pushed another boundary, crossed another threshold, and after he talked about fucking you last night, you obviously weren’t just friends anymore.
The energy felt...so different, but it was never uncomfortable.
3 a.m. Hyunjin was a stark contrast from 7 a.m. Hyunjin, and...you loved both.
It felt so strangely calm, so domestic, so heartwarming.
It was seven am on a regular Saturday morning, and you were in Hyunjin’s bedroom, as he cleaned up.
A pink tube then slipped from his hands, rolling under the bed, and he cursed, “Shit”
“Let me” You offered, kneeling to join him on the floor. You stretched to reach for the watercolour tube, and underneath his bed were discarded hairbands, pencils, and a bag of treats for Kkami. Cute.
After retrieving it, Hyunjin smiled at you, whispering a ‘Thank you’ as he placed it inside the original packing.
“One day you should really let me organise your art supplies”
He tilt his head, “Can that day be today?”
You laughed, “I told you. I have to go to work”
He shrugged, “Skip it”
“Oh, will you start paying my bills when I eventually get fired from Aera’s for slacking?”
“Yeah I will” He said, without hesitation.
Your eyebrows shot up, “Shut up, Hyun”
“Shut up?” He gasped, “Can’t believe you’re being so mean to a sick boy”
“Oh” You realised, reaching forward to cup his cheek, “It still hurts a lot?”
He smiled, leaning into your touch, “Less when you’re here”
You dropped your hand, heart clenching, “I wish I could stay then”
“But you don’t work Saturdays, so why today?”
“Mina wanted me to help with the stock…we have some new supplies coming in, and just needed to get my mind off something
“Something like what?”
“You don’t have to worry about it, Hyun”
“Maybe I could get your mind off it”
You crossed your arms, “What if you’re the thing I need to get my mind off?”
He frowned, “Did I do something wrong?”
You laughed, “No, don’t worry about that”
He closed the wooden lid, gripping the box, “Last night…You said Yeonjun wasn’t feeling all right. Is he okay now?”
“It’ll take time. He’s just having a hard time, with Hana”
“Oh”
You shrugged, “Love sucks, I guess”
He laughed, “You got that right”
You sat back on your ankles, looking around the room, “What was the book you were reading?”
“Oh. I left it out in the garden. Could you get it for me?
"Yeah, once you tell me what it’s about”
Hyunjin smiled, pushing the box back under his bed, “It’s about fate”
You slid open the doors to the back garden, cold morning air rushing in. Plants of all kinds grew alongside the wooden fence. You wonder if it was him, or his aunt who had planted them.
Picking up the book, you saw the page it was open to had been creased.
Hyunjin had marked some pages, left little notes, annotating it, and he must have read through it countless times, so you asked him about it when you came back, “So why are you reading a book about fate this early in the day?”
Hyunjin was still sat on the floor, except his head was buried in his hands, “Fuck. I really shouldn’t have stayed up”
You immediately abandoned the book, stepping up to him, “Hyun. What’s wrong?”
He mumbled, ‘I’m okay’, running a hand through his hair, but he clearly wasn’t okay.
“Come on, let me get you into bed” You gripped his arms so you could pull him up, but he stayed where he was.
“I’m fine” He answered, through gritted teeth.
You tilt his chin up, so he’d look at you. His eyes were tired, puffy and red, and he looked terribly sleep-deprived.
“Why do you not want to sleep?”
His voice turned soft, “Because then you’ll leave”
“Hyun…” Your heart melted, “I’ll be back in a few hours, you’ll barely notice that I was gone”
He pouted, “I'll notice”
You smiled, tilting his chin up to look at you, “Why are you trying to be cute?”
“Trying?” He acted offended.
“Fine” You rolled your eyes, “Why are you being cute? You know I don’t actually want to go, but...unfortunately we live in a capitalist society and I need to pay the bills”
“I fucking hate capitalism”
You laughed, “Come on. What’s wrong?”
“I just...like being around you” He shrugged, “And now that...you won’t be moving for the program in the city, I don't know when I’m gonna see you again. I was really looking forward to meeting you in Seoul”
“I know, me too, but you'll see me every day for the rest of this month. Isn’t that enough?”
It was ironic that you were saying that, because it obviously wasn’t enough even to you.
Something flashed through his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t recognise and he mumbled, “I guess”
“Hyun, we have time to deal with that later, but can I bring you some Aspirin now?”
“I’m just so fucking tired of this shit” He mumbled.
“What shit?”
He glanced at you, “If I tell you…you’ll be stressed too”
Your eyebrows knit together, confused at what he was talking about now, “Please tell me, Hyun”
He sighed, running another hand through his hair, “Okay. It’s just…it might upset you, and you’re going to be thinking about it all day at work. I know it”
“I don’t care, I want to understand why you’re feeling this way”
His eyes were heavy with emotion, “Are you sure, Y/N?”
It scared you, what he wasn’t telling you, but you had to know.
“You’ve been upset about this, for weeks, Hyunjin. I…maybe I can help, or make you feel better somehow”
He shook his head, a chuckle escaping, “You can’t make me feel better about this”
Ouch.
“Oh. Okay”
He looked up at you, “Shit. That’s not how I meant it. I mean…nobody can do anything, it’s a fucked up situation”
“I’ll try my best to understand it then”
He sighed, leaning back, fiddling with the string on his sweatpants, “It’s…about Jisung. I had to leave Yeonjun’s place early yesterday, because…there’s been some stuff going on with Jisung, and it’s just so frustrating”
“What’s going on?” You asked, hoping you didn’t overstep with your questions.
He looked up at you, “Under my company, we have this…sort of contract, a contract that’s responsible for our health. Mentally and physically. They ensure we’re okay, because it can get stressful and tiring, for our bodies…do you get it?”
“Yeah. That’s a good thing, right?”
He nodded, “It’s supposed to be, yes. It is a good thing. If it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t be eating well, or getting enough sleep”
“What do you mean?”
He swallowed, “I mean…sometimes the company wants us to be in a certain…shape for an album, or a photoshoot. The pressure of that can be a lot, but this…this contract, it basically makes sure that they don’t push us too hard”
“Right”
He added, “It’s because of that contract that I was able to come back home, because they recognised that I needed some space. Most people in my line of work…they don’t get that freedom or liberty”
“The freedom…to go home?”
Hyunjin laughed, sore, “Yeah. I know how it sounds. It’s really rare for someone to go on a voluntary hiatus…like I did. They never allow it”
“Oh”
“And part of that contract is…we have these weekly appointments with a ….therapist, I guess you could say? I’m not sure what her specialisation really is, but she…talks to us and checks in with us every few weeks, to make sure we’re doing okay, and if we’re stressed about anything.
She works with the company, so it’s nice to have someone to depend on, and someone to just…rant to at the end of a really horrible month, you know?”
Even though he was telling you something nice, you could tell what he was leading up to wouldn’t be because his shoulders were tense and his voice was harsh.
He was stressed even just talking about it, and you suddenly regret asking him to explain it to you.
You nodded, wanting to comfort him, hands itching to touch him somehow, but you kept your distance, “That’s…really nice, Hyun”
He nodded, “It is. Well…Jisung has been going to her much more often, ever since an article came out about him last month. The one you read. He was getting a lot of…negative public attention for the fight he was a part of, so he’s been seeing Mrs. Yoona far more often than the rest of us”
You nodded, unsure of what this was getting at.
“Mrs. Yoona…that’s the name of the woman we see. We talk to her every month” He clarified, and you were grateful he took his time to make sure you understood everything.
“Okay”
“Yeah…and…last week” Hyunjin sucked in a sharp breath, “I don’t know how it fucking happened, but someone got access to her files…which are supposed to be confidential”
Your breath caught in your throat, “What?”
“They…released everything about Jisung, everything he’s ever said in his… sessions, all of the things he’s anxious about, the things he hates about the job, stuff about his family, about his ex-girlfriend”
Your heart plummeted, a terrible feeling clawing at you, “They released it…publicly?”
Hyunjin nodded, voice getting angrier, “I don’t know who the fuck it was. Probably someone from inside the company, but it doesn’t matter now, the files are out now, for every person in the fucking world to see, and it’s so unfair, because that shit’s supposed to be private. It’s his life, and…it’s not fair everyone gets to see it, and somehow use it against him”
His voice broke, and you immediately reached out to him, hand grabbing his, so he would know you were here, “I…I’m so sorry Hyun, that’s horrible”
He nodded, looking up at you, “Yeah. It is”
“I’m sorry” You repeated, unsure what else you could say, but you felt sick. It was the worst kind of invasion of privacy, and you felt so angry.
Why the fuck would someone do that?
You couldn’t even imagine how Hyunjin felt.
“Yeah. Me too” He spoke, “I’m just on edge because of this”
“Do they…have your files too?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound insensitive for asking about him, when something horrible had already happened with Jisung.
Hyunjin glanced at you, eyes widening, and he pulled you closer, “Y/N…please don’t worry about me”
“But-”
He cut you off though, “It doesn’t matter if they have it or not, or whatever they decide to do with it. That’s for me to think about. I can’t have you stressing about it”
“But…that’s impossible”
His expression softened, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you”
“Hyun…” You squeezed his hand, “I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish…”
“It’s okay” He cut you off again, “I’ve been dealing with it half my life, it’s honestly not the worst thing that’s happened, which sounds so fucking cruel to say. Mostly, I’m just sad about Jisung, but he’s holding up okay for now”
Your phone suddenly buzzed, because Mina was calling you.
“I’m gonna tell her I’m gonna be late” You pulled your phone out of your denims to text her.
Hyunjin watched you do so, “You don’t have to, please”
“Yes, I do”
“Y/N” He reached up to stop you, “Forget what I said before. I don’t want you to miss work because of me”
“Hyun…this is more important” You told him, but your heart was pounding, “You should lie down now, you haven’t slept all night. I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”
He nodded, moving over to his bed.
You walked over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for him, trying not to fucking panic about what he’d just told you.
You had to breathe.
Hyunjin needed you, and it would help no one if you also began freaking the fuck out.
How could people do something like that?
You needed to be stronger than this, because you wanted to cry just thinking about how Jisung felt.
You squeezed your eyes shut, to calm yourself, and then finished filling up the glass for him.
There was stuff all over the kitchen counter, different kinds of Daejon-special snacks, sour candy, instant ramyeon packed into little ziplock bags.
Was he going on a trip or something?
As you went back to the room, Kkami was on top of Hyunjin, sitting on his chest, as Hyunjin stroked his chin, fondly. He was lying down, hair spread out on his pillow, and he glanced at you.
“I think this is the first time he’s paying so much attention to me” He told you, smiling as he scratched Kkami.
“Maybe he knows you’re sick” You hummed, placing the glass of water on the bedside table, “Are you going somewhere? Your kitchen counter...is messy”
He shook his head, eyes wide, “Um, no. I was just cleaning... earlier”
That seemed like a blatant lie, but maybe he was planning a surprise, so you didn’t push. He probably needed any break he could get. He settled further into his blanket, staring at you, “So now you know why I had to leave, when we were at the pool”
Everything made more sense now.
That’s why he had left in a hurry, and skipped the dinner party at Yeonjun’s.
He must have heard about the scandal in that moment, and the thought of finding out something like that about your friend also made you want to cry.
You bent down to grab your bag, wondering why those people wouldn’t just leave him, and his friends alone.
“Are you all right?” He asked, at your silence.
“I’m just mad…at whoever did that to Jisung”
Hyunjin reached out, grazing your arm with his fingers, “Me too, but…that anger isn’t yours to have”
“Of course it is!” You spoke, eyebrows shooting up, “I care about you and I care-”
Hyunjin sat up, interrupting you, “Hey, hey. I know”
You squeezed your eyes shut, “You don’t deserve this. None of you do. I just..I don’t understand how this shit keeps happening and people actually get away with it? Why do they care so much about your lives-”
“Y/N…” He spoke, “Can you look at me?”
You reluctantly opened your eyes, and he leaned in closer, “I know you’re upset, but can you just…please promise me you won’t worry about this?”
“I can’t…” You blurted, “You know me, Hyun. I can’t promise you that”
Hyunjin shook his head, “Can you try? If you’re going to be around me… there will be a lot of this stuff happening. You can’t let it get to you”
You swallowed, knowing this conversation was futile right now, “Yeah. I’ll try my best. You could have told me about this last night, Hyun. I could have been there for you”
“I know. I was going to, but...I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good night” He smiled, clearly trying to cheer you up, and last night’s intense conversation felt like a fever dream compared to now.
You swallowed, “But still-”
“When you come back. I’m gonna make you feel much better, okay?”
You smiled at the new comfort between you, “I’ll see you in a few hours”
He laid back down, head resting on the pillow, “It’s cute. You…trying to take care of me”
You rolled your eyes, “Well, forgive me for caring about you, Hyunjin”
He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I will be okay”
You stared at him, and he stared up at you, sleepily, eyes barely open.
You should be the one making him feel better.
Your impulse won, and you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his forehead.
He murmured, “When you’re done at work, you can let yourself back in. The key is next to the window, under the daisy”
“The key?”
“To my place”
Your heart stirred, “Hyun-”
He curled up into his duvet, eyes drifting shut, “I’ll see you soon, Y/N”
You closed the door to his bedroom, peeking at him one last time as he buried a hand under his pillow. Hopefully he would fall into a deep, restful, stressless slumber.
The walk to Aera’s wasn’t long from his place, but you took your time, savouring every moment that warmed your heart, but your gut twisted with the new knowledge you had gained.
You had many more questions about the Jisung thing, but it wasn’t the right time to ask.
How could Hyunjin be so kind, despite the horrible things happening in his life? You would think that such hate would turn people cruel.
And despite all that fucking stress, he still called you last night. He stayed up with you, trying to make you feel good, even though your problems were nothing compared to his.
Aera’s came into view, and you could see Mina inside, idling away on the cash counter, probably playing a game on her phone.
In front of her lay a large bouquet of flowers, and your curiosity peaked.
Who sent Mina flowers?
As far as you knew, she wasn’t in a relationship, and her latest hookup had ended badly, yet a beautiful arrangement of daffodils was sent to her.
Your gut twisted, in part envy and some inspiration.
Maybe after you left work, you could bring some flowers for Hyunjin.
It would barely do anything to cheer him up, but it was still a nice gesture that you know he would appreciate.
You hope he felt much better when he woke, less in pain, more at peace.
You stopped in your tracks, just outside the steps.
You’d forgotten to give him the medicine.
What if he woke up, and was looking for it? What if his head hurt again?
You were so stupid for forgetting it. It was one of the reasons you’d gone over to his place in the first place.
Aera’s was right here and you were late, but it would only take you ten minutes to get to his place and back. You needed to make sure he was okay.
For a minute you stared at the little art shop, but then you thought of the frown lines in his forehead and the sadness in his eyes and your heart eventually won the argument.
»»————-
The key was next to the Daisy ornament, as he had promised.
It felt invasive, to enter his home, and when you pushed open the door to his room, Hyunjin was deep asleep.
He was on his side, face pressed into the pillow, covers pulled up to his chest.
Kkami wasn’t in sight, so you walked over to his bedside table, placing the pills, a bottle of water, and a candy bar.
Just in case he was hungry.
He sure seemed at peace, eyelids shifting slightly. He was dreaming.
What kind of things did Hyunjin dream of?
You hope all the terrible shit in his life didn’t invade his subconscious, and you wish you could stay here.
You gripped the spare key, reaching for the doorknob, but his voice startled you.
“Y/N...?”
Fuck.
You hadn’t been quiet enough, and now you’d stupidly woken him up.
“Yeah?” You turned around, and he was clearly awake and you didn’t imagine hearing him say your name. He shifted around in his blanket, to face you.
“You’re back…” He mumbled, a sleepy smile, voice hoarse, “How was work?”
Your eyebrows shot up.
You hadn’t even gone to work yet, and it had only been fifteen minutes since you left but…it seemed like he’d lost all sense of time, and clearly been dreaming away.
You stood still, staring at his body under the covers, as he looked at you, waiting for a response.
“Hyunjin, I…”
“Was it not a good day?” He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, a frown on his lips, and the kind of person he was, of course his first question was to worry about you, about your day, which hadn’t even happened yet.
In the early morning sunlight, snuggled up in his blanket, brown hair tousled from sleep, Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect.
His hair fell into his face and eyes, and his bangs were cut completely wrong, but god, you wish you could have explained to him how much you absolutely cherished his new hair.
It brought a sense of familiarity, and of warmth, liquid fire running through your veins.
Like the first sip of coffee on a long day.
Like the sunset on Jeju Island.
Like a book character crafted just for you. Like an angel that fell to Earth.
You could stare at him forever.
He opened his eyes half-way through, confused why you weren’t answering, “Y/N?”
You had a choice.
You could go back to Aera’s and help Mina with the stock, yet be consumed by thoughts of Hyunjin all day.
Or —
“No, work was…great” You smiled, giving in.
Giving in to the only thing you could ever want.
Him.
“I’m so glad” Dimples appeared in his cheeks, as he smiled, “I hope Mina didn’t overwork you”
You walked over to him, voice soft to not disrupt his sleepy subconscious, “She didn’t”
“Are you tired?”
“Yeah”
His lips curled into a frown, rubbing his eyes again, “Oh. So…you have to go home?”
Another choice.
It was time to stop resisting.
“No. I don’t have to go”
But it would always be him.
“Is it all right if I stay here with you, Hyun?”
The smile grew on his face, reaching all the way to his puffy eyes, and he instantly shifted, to make way for you, “Of course”
You don’t know what you were thinking, or if you even were thinking. You slipped off your sneakers, pushing them under the bed, next to the discarded items Hyunjin had long forgotten about.
Your hesitation disappeared, and it ceased to exist, so you climbed into Hyunjin’s bed.
The bed was small, not nearly big enough for the two of you, but it didn’t matter because you squeezed yourself next to him. Hyunjin pressed himself up against the wall, making way for your body, and to share his pillow with you.
There were no words spoken, like it was habit - routine that you just slipped in next to him, like you weren't friends who could never be lovers, like this was what your everyday looked like, like this was all normal.
It was your first time climbing into his bed, but it felt like the most natural thing to do, like it was your fate, no matter how mundane it was.
The only sound was the ruffling of sheets, as he pulled the blanket over your body to cover you up.
The bed was so little - all of your limbs touched his, and your noses were inches apart, sharing the same breath on his baby blue pillow.
“Are you comfortable?” He voiced.
“Mmh” You reached over, hand tracing his cheek, “You?”
“I’m perfect” He smiled, a yawn overtaking him soon after, “Although I’m still soo tired…it’s like I barely got any sleep”
You laughed, knowing he voiced the truth, “Go back to sleep, Hyun”
He nodded, “And…what about you?”
You slid your hand under the pillow, staring at him, “I will too"
Hyunjin’s hand moved under the blanket, reaching over to your waist. He pulled you closer, his chest pressing against yours, and your fond heart melted.
“You deserve to rest. You work too hard” He mumbled.
The guilt of skipping work crept over you, but…you needed to be selfish today, and you’d never felt this kind of calm before.
It was just one day you missed.
He was forever.
The way his legs fit between yours, and his hand on your body, was forever.
He tilt his head, voice coming out whiny in his reverie, “What are you thinking?”
“Just…about you”
“What about me?” He whispered.
You pushed back the uneven hair from his eyes, and his forehead, words slow because sleep was crawling over the two of you like a wave in the ocean, “I wish I could make everything easier for you”
A dimple appeared in his cheek, “You already do”
You smiled at his words, eyes drifting shut, but you had to ask,“Your head…does it still hurt?”
Hyunjin didn’t answer, and you thought he must already fallen asleep, but when you opened your eyes, he was looking right at you.
Eyes half-lidded, he was staring at you, “You’re so beautiful…”
Heart squeezed in your chest, an unsafe amount of emotions overwhelming you, and you mumbled, “Hyun…”
There was so much to say, but you couldn’t even comprehend your feelings in the moment. His body was so warm, safe, familiar, and it belonged there, and nothing could convince you otherwise. His eyes were so puffy and they kept drifting shut, and then just like that…he was asleep.
You stared at him as he fell asleep, at a loss for words. You thought you were getting used to the way you felt around Hyunjin, but truthfully you could perhaps never get used to it.
You’d never felt this way before.
You’d do anything for him.
You would do whatever he wanted in the world, and go wherever he wanted you to, and the thought was so scary that you almost cried.
It was good that he fell asleep, because the next words at the tip of your tongue were far too dangerous to be said at a time like this.
You would have told him you loved him.
You were sure of it.
You loved him more than it was possible for humans to love each other, more than it was possible for you to love a boy you met just this summer, more than you should love someone you could never be with.
Just one second longer, and you would have blurted it out, because it was too strong an emotion to hold back anymore.
It’s a good thing he fell asleep when he did, and it was a good thing you didn’t say it.
If you told him how you truly felt about him, he would leave you.
You were sure of that, too.
»»————-
You woke slowly, and then all at once, eyes blinking awake, a steady heartbeat pulsing under your ear.
It took you a few seconds, to gather your bearings and to pull yourself out of this slumber, trying to make sense of where you were.
You’d been dreaming of stars…and you opened your eyes to the sun.
The blinds were pulled shut, subdued sunlight hitting the room.
Your fingers were clutching onto fabric, a t-shirt, and you were on top of Hyunjin.
Somehow, you’d moved in your sleep, your head pressed into his chest, which would explain why the first thing you heard was the sound of his heart.
Hyunjin’s chest rose, and fell, soft, calm.
His face was pressed into your hair, and you wonder how he could even breathe, pushed up so close to you. His fingers dug into your sweatshirt, arm still wrapped around your waist.
What time was it?
There was no clock in his room, and you shifted, to reach for your tote bag. It lay by the side of the bed, your phone half-way out. You stretched your arm, but it was still out of reach.
You didn’t want to wake him up, so you settled for not knowing what time it was, and perhaps you could exist in this moment forever, and never have it be stolen from you.
“It’s…just past ten” He breathed, and you shifted, to look at him. Your arm drifted, grazing his stomach, and it wasn’t until your fingers touched his bellybutton piercing that you realised his shirt had ridden entirely up, revealing bare skin.
“You’re awake” You stated, pulling yourself out of sleep, but everything was still hazy and blurry.
His eyes drifted open completely, “Mmh. I am”
He’d been awake a while, it seemed.
The reality of the situation set in.
You flushed, pulling your hand off his abdomen, even though you’d been enjoying the taut muscles of his stomach.
“Sorry…” You mumbled, “How long have you been up?”
Despite being wide awake, Hyunjin didn’t stop holding you.
“An hour…”
“An hour?!” Your eyes widened, “Why didn’t you wake me?”
He smiled, “Because you needed the rest”
“But…” You felt conscious, “Fuck, sorry, I was basically pinning you down, and you must have wanted to get up, to feed Kkami”
“Don’t worry, I already fed him” He laughed, chest moving with every chuckle.
You frowned, “You…did? How?”
“How?” He repeated your question.
“How did you…feed him?”
He laughed again, confused, “I got up and put food in his bowl”
The realisation sank in.
Hyunjin got up, fed Kkami, and then he—
“You came back to bed after that?”
He smiled, “I wasn’t going to leave you alone, you looked so comfortable”
Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at him.
You had been asleep, and he did all that without waking you.
He…climbed out of the blanket, the bed, and then back in, snuggling up to you, holding you even tighter than before, without ever managing to wake you up.
A bashful smile tugged at your lips at the mental image, “I see”
“Mmh” He tilt his head, “Did you sleep well?”
“I did”
“Even after you lied to me?”
Your eyebrows shot up, “What?”
“You told me that you had a good day at work”
“Oh…”
“You didn’t have to skip work for me, Y/N. I was only kidding before”
You sat up, trying to fix your hair which must have been a mess after that unplanned nap, “I wanted to stay”
Hyunjin got up too, crossing his legs over the duvet, “Mina won’t be mad at you, right?”
You shook your head, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes, “I can just take the afternoon shift”
He ran a hand through his sleep hair, pushing it back. You got lost in the way he did, brown curls falling across his jaw.
“When did you even get the time to dye it?”
A hoarse laugh escaped him, voice still groggy from sleep, “Late last night or early this morning…however you see it, after I finished taking to Chan”
“That’s why you got no sleep”
“Yup”
“Can I ask why you did it, Hyun?”
“I guess I just…needed a change. With everything that’s been happening” He looked down at his dye-stained hands, “I wanted to feel more like myself”
“And this…” You ran your hands through his hair, “…makes you feel more like yourself?”
He chuckled, “It’s silly, isn’t it?”
“No, not really”
He nodded, “I guess I needed to remind myself of why I’m doing all of this. The last time I had my hair like this…I was still just a kid, before I had this kind of life”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah” He laughed, breathy, “I remember, at that time… I dreamed of debuting and making it big, and I was so…focused. It was like I had tunnel vision. I never thought this far ahead or about the stuff that comes after you become famous. I guess I was naive. But now when I look at myself in the mirror, it’ll be like looking at the seventeen year old version of me, and maybe I can dream his dreams again”
You smiled, running your hand across his jaw, “You’ve come so far, Hyun. I’m…really really proud of you”
His eyes crinkled as he looked at you, “You are?”
“Of course” You shifted onto your knees, to caress his cheek better, “I think you’re one of the strongest people I know”
Hyunjin’s hands landed on your thigh, and he laughed bitterly, “Thank you…but if I was actually strong, I wouldn’t have had to come back to town, or go through all of this shit”
Your heart clenched, and you nodded, “Right…”
If he was strong, he wouldn’t be here.
Maybe you were happy that he wasn’t strong.
A wave of guilt washed over you, so you turned away.
You’d overstayed your welcome, and…Mina would be waiting for you.
Hyunjin’s hand on your wrist stopped you, “Wait. That’s not what I mean, Y/N”
“You don’t have to explain, Hyun” You spoke, putting your feet on the ground, hoping the cold floor would wake you up, but the floor was warm, warm like the bed, like his embrace.
Hyunjin stopped you from getting up.
His grip on your arm pulled you back, closer to where he sat on the bed.
He explained himself, “No, I mean…I don’t regret it, at all. I just wish it was under better circumstances, you know? Coming back home…”
You wish it was under a better situation too.
You turned to look at him, “Yeah…but what did you really get out of coming back? A…drama-filled summer, a splitting headache, and…a really messy haircut”
Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “You think it’s messy?”
The tension was forgotten in seconds, and you couldn’t help but laugh, “Your bangs are…like completely messed up. I take it that this was your first time trimming it yourself, without a team full of stylists to help you”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before” He narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean they’re messed up?”
“They’re really uneven. It’s cute…but maybe you shouldn’t go out with this hair” you said, watching how the strands fell to his eyebrows.
“So, let me get this right. While I was baring my soul to you about my dreams, you were thinking about my hair?”
A giggle escaped you, “Maybe you can fix it”
His eyes widened, “You…you know how?”
“No…but…I can try”
“Okay, follow me” He got out of bed, gesturing for you to follow him, and you didn’t think he meant right now.
He stepped into his bathroom, clearing the counter, and you noticed how tight his sweatpants suddenly seemed, stretching at the crotch.
You kept your distance, watching as he placed a box of tissues, and toothbrush holder to the side, trying not to focus on that. It was distracting.
You knew how anatomy worked, and you knew he couldn’t control that he woke up with morning wood, but it still made your brain fuzzy, like a stupid girl in love.
“Okay” He looked up you, and your gaze flickered back up to his face because there was no way you’d be caught staring at his fucking crotch.
“I’ve never done this before, so if I mess up…you can’t be mad at me” You spoke, as he hopped onto the marble counter, legs dangling off. He looked cute, staring up at you.
You don’t even know how you got here, from bringing him coffee this morning to napping in his bed, and to now attempting to cut his hair.
He ran a hand through his hair, “You just need to trim the ends, make it even, right?”
“Yeah” You stepped up to him.
His shoulders relaxed, as he leaned back on the counter, “You’ll be fine. It’s not that hard”
You reached up to brush back his hair, “I mean, I think you did a pretty good job already. How long do you want them?”
“Just so they don’t fall into my eyes…” He told you, craning to look at himself in the mirror behind.
“Do you have a towel?” You asked.
His eyebrow shot up, a teasing smirk on his face, “A professional, are we?”
You rolled your eyes, “It’s just so it’s easier to clean, Hyun”
He smiled, pointing back to his room, “There should be a new one in my closet, on the upper shelf”
His wardrobe was surprisingly organised as you sifted through it, trying to find the towel.
Your gaze landed on a ribbed burgundy t-shirt; you’d never seen him in it before. A silver zipper ran till the chest. You couldn’t even imagine how good he’d look in this.
“Did you just get this?” You asked, walking back with it, along with a towel.
Hyunjin was reading the label on a candle he lit, and he looked up at you, “Yeah. I haven’t got a chance to wear it”
“Oh, okay”
His lips tugged up, “You want me to put it on for you?”
You flushed, putting it back, “No, I was just curious”
“I’ll wear it for you later” He laughed, knowing you far too well because you’d never have asked, but you needed to see him in it.
Placing the towel on his lap, over his taut sweatpants, you hoped it would also serve as stopping the very obvious distraction. He didn’t even seem embarrassed or affected by it though.
He hummed, “Thank you”
You laughed, tossing the hair in your hands, “Thank me after I’m done, this may turn out to look like shit”
“It won’t” He assured you, and you grabbed your phone.
“What are you doing?” He asked, “Texting while I’m asking you to help me?”
“I’m not texting” You rolled your eyes, tilting the screen to show him.
He read off your screen, “Step by step: How to a man’s hair”
“I don’t wanna mess up” You explained.
He giggled, loud laughter filling the bathroom, “Oh my god. You’re referring to a Wikihow article? I am truly doomed”
“They’re helpful sometimes, asshole” You pout, “We need to get your hair wet”
He nodded, leaning onto the mirror behind him, as you ran your hands under the sink to get them wet.
“It’ll be easier if I get in the shower” He suggested, and you glanced at him.
There was a smirk on his face at the recommendation.
“I…don’t think that’s necessary” You stated, flushing under his stare.
“It’s not like I’m going to get naked, Y/N” He laughed, “Don’t worry about it”
You shook your head, running your hands through his bangs to get them wet, droplets falling into his eyes. His eyes fluttered shut, and the drops of water trailed down his neck.
“Your shirt will get wet though” You added quietly, trying not to fixate on the trail of water that had made parts of his shirt see-through.
He blinked, wet hair falling into his face, “We should probably take it off then”
“Yeah” You swallowed, paused in your movements.
Hyunjin laughed, “Oh come on, it’s not like you’ve never seen me shirtless. You seem embarrassed—”
You immediately tugged at his shirt, pushing it up his chest, perhaps to prove that you weren’t affected by this. His eyes widened, and he clearly hadn’t expected you to take the initiative, but he smiled to himself, lifting his arms up, so you could pull it off completely.
Once you got it over his head, and arms, he was flushing red.
“I don’t know Hyun” You hummed, “You’re the one who seems embarrassed now”
“Stop” He laughed.
You tried not to get distracted, but in the soft light of the bathroom, his muscles seemed even more pronounced, the twinkle in his bellybutton catching your eye more often than you’d want.
You took in a deep breath, holding a hairbrush up, “Here goes nothing”
“If you ruin my hair, you should know some stylists in Seoul are gonna be very unhappy”
You laughed, untangling all the knots, “So…no pressure then, right?”
He shrugged, “Mmh, none at all”
“And they’re not going to be unhappy with your dye-stained hands?”
He held his palms up, staring at them, as you pulled his hair taut, “It’ll wash off soon enough”
“Close your eyes” You spoke, “I don’t want to hurt you”
He nodded, and you carefully trimmed the front ends, choppy pieces of his bangs falling onto the towel in his lap. You had to make sure it was even, as you measured it roughly, and you’d never been a hairdresser but all those years engaging in crafts surely came handy now.
“You’re quiet” He spoke.
“I don’t want to mess up”
Hyunjin’s hand suddenly found it’s way to your waist, and you stilled, scissors in hand, “Unless you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye…don’t do that…not without warning”
He glanced up at you, despite the precarious position, gulping, “Sorry”
Just as he was about to move his hand back, you stopped him, “I…I didn’t say you have to stop touching me”
Realisation passed over his face, and he nodded, gripping you tighter.
Now that he held you, you felt more anchored, confidence flowing. You focused on what was left of the task, trimming the rest of his bangs as he watched you.
Any other moment, you would feel conscious, because you were the only thing he was looking at, but today you didn’t.
“Are you almost done?” He asked, voice soft.
“Almost” You promised, putting the pink scissors away, to look at him.
The light-brown bangs fell just above his eyebrows, growing longer at the side, tucked behind his ears. The rest of the hair brushed his bare collarbones, almost a mullet in the back, shorter in the front.
There was barely anything to even fix, and maybe you just needed a dumb reason to be so close to him again. He knew that too, yet he indulged you.
You let yourself stare at him, seconds stretching into minutes.
It was perfect.
“Is it… all right?” He asked.
His eyes were blown wide, and curious, teeth biting into his plush lower lip, with apprehension.
“It’s beautiful, Hyun” You admitted.
His smile grew, “Really?”
You nodded, putting away the towel on his lap, “If you went to my school, everyone would have had a crazy crush on you”
His eyebrows shot up, “That’s…random”
You bit your lip, “I’ve been thinking about that a lot”
“About…school?”
“No” You shook your head, “About how things used to be. Everything seemed simpler back then”
He nodded silently, as if understanding exactly what you meant. After all, he’d just been talking about a similar thing -- about how things were easier before he debuted.
“Did you…have school too?” You asked him.
He laughed, “Of course I did”
“In Seoul?”
He nodded.
“Why didn’t you just go to the one here…in Daejon? Isn’t this your home?”
He smiled, “I had to go to the academy every day to train, before and after my lessons. It would have been impossible to travel so much if I was in Daejon”
“So you never visited home? What about your aunt? This is her place, right?”
He nodded, “It is, I’m taking care of it for her while she’s away”
“And your parents?”
“They moved with me to the city…” He explained.
“Do you miss them...now that you’re here?”
His gaze softened, “Yeah, I do, but…even when I was there, I couldn’t meet them often. I would try to talk to my mum every day at first, but over time that became…really tough”
“Why?”
“I was just…insanely busy. Not that it’s an excuse, but I just let myself get carried by the work, by the... responsibilities and what was expected of me”
Your hands gripped onto his bare shoulders, “When you go back, you’ll be busy again”
“Yeah”
“When do you even make time for yourself, between…all of that?”
He shrugged, “I...don’t. That’s why I cherish moments like this the most”
“I see”
He tilt his head, “Do you think we’d be friends…if I went to your school in Daejon, instead of in the city?”
“Probably not”
Hyunjin frowned, “Wow. You didn’t even have to think about that”
You smiled, apologetic, “No, I just mean…I’d probably be too intimidated to approach you, and…you’d definitely be dating the most popular girl in high school”
He rolled his eyes, “Stop. That would never happen”
“Right. I forgot you don’t date”
His eyebrows knit together and he tilt his head, “You know that’s not what I meant”
You absentmindedly fiddled with the string on his sweats, twirling it within your fingers, “Hmm”
“What kind of girl were you, in high school anyway?” He asked, lazily leaning back against the mirror, allowing you a more prominent view of his collarbones, and his bare chest.
“What do you mean?” You laughed, “I was…the same”
His eyes were full of amusement as he watched you speak, and you couldn’t comprehend how…easy this felt. How domestic.
Hyunjin sat across you, shirtless and just in sweatpants, as you talked about the most mundane things at eleven in the morning.
Is this what it’d be like?
If he let himself love you?
“Minho told me differently”
Your eyebrows shot up, “What did he say?”
Hyunjin laughed, eyes crinkling into crescents, “He just said you were different, that you were…much louder”
You tilt your head, “As all teenagers are”
“He also told me you failed Art once”
You gasped, “He did?”
Hyunjin giggled, “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”
“The professor…felt differently than me. I actually had a full-blown argument with him in class” You recalled, “Man. I don’t think I’d do that today. I kind of regret it”
He smiled, “I’d love to see that. I’ve never seen you…angry. If it makes you feel any better, I’d definitely fail that art class too”
You laughed, “Why?”
He leaned forward suddenly, closing the little distance between you, “Why do you think?”
You lost your train of thought, getting swept up in his gaze, “I don’t know…”
“I would be too distracted… staring at you”
Your heart sank, at what could have been, “Yeah…”
He laughed, breathy, “I’m sorry. I…shouldn’t say stuff like that, right?”
Your chest felt heavy, eyes landing to the floor, or anything else, “Yeah. You shouldn’t”
“But you have to know” He cupped your cheek, tilting your chin to look at him.
“Know…what?”
He swallowed, “That…I wish everyday for things to be different, and sometimes I wish I was just a boy you met in high school, instead of…who I am right now”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing” You frowned.
“It’s true. Things would be simpler if I was just…some Hyunjin, wouldn’t they? A nobody”
“No... Hyun, you can’t wish for that. You worked so much to be this. You are who you are, because that’s who you’re supposed to be”
“Supposed to?”
“Aren’t you the one who was reading all about stuff that fate earlier? Don’t you believe that you’re here right now in this part of your life, because you’re meant to be?”
He frowned, “Does that mean I’m…supposed to suffer too?”
“Suffer? That’s…a harsh word”
“You don’t agree?”
You nodded, “Things would be simpler, of course…but you told me that you don’t mind the bad stuff, because you love what you do”
“So you don’t wish for things to be different?”
You swallowed, admitting, “Obviously it would be easier if you were just Hyunjin, a boy from my art class, instead of…a world-famous member of a band"
“You should stop thinking of me that way” He interrupted, pulling you closer between his legs.
“Even if I stop thinking of you like that, it doesn’t change the truth”
His eyes were soft as he spoke, “Maybe you can forget about it for a day”
“Forget who you are?” You laughed, “Before I knew that about you, it didn’t matter to me at all, but now...it affects every part of your life…it’s hard to just ignore what’s real”
What happened with Jisung just further solidified that for you. Hyunjin had run away from the fame, but it still found him, festering into his heart and mind. Miles away, he worried about it, defeating the sole purpose of him coming here.
His thumbs brushed under your shirt, “I know, but just for a day, don’t think about that”
“What should I think about then?”
“Think about how nice it’d be…if we were in another world, where I wasn’t me”
You frowned, “But who you are is... perfect. I don’t want that to change”
He closed his eyes, “I know you don’t…I’m sorry. I know it’s upsetting, but…I wish for a lot of stuff”
You leaned closer, brushing your thumb against his jaw, “What do you wish for?”
He leaned in, gaze piercing through your soul, “I wish for…a normal life. Wouldn’t I be happier then?”
Your heart stirred, “We all suffer, Hyun, even when we lead normal lives”
Hyunjin’s hand slipped around your neck, the space between your mouths almost negligible, “You want to know what true suffering really is, for me?”
“Yeah?”
“Being this close to you…and not getting to have you in the way I want”
Your voice trembled, “And…what way is that?”
“In every way that’s possible…I want you”
You moved in the same breath that he did, crushing his mouth to yours, before he could even finish speaking.
It didn’t matter who moved first. Your lips were on his, and he let out a satisfied groan, as you swallowed his words, his breath, his taste.
Your hands slipped into his freshly-cut hair, frantic as you kissed him, and he devoured you in open-mouthed kisses, and you could feel it all the way down to your toes, within the crevices of your heart, within the depths of your soul.
It was electrifying, the way he gave into you, like it was muscle memory at this point.
“Y/N-” A groan escaped his lips, between pecks. His hands slid around your waist. He pulled you flush to the counter until your hips met his, thighs closing around your body to trap you in his embrace.
A bottle of hand-soap knocked over onto the floor, as did the pair of scissors you’d held so delicately before, and earlier it was so tranquil but now it was so rushed.
He tilt his head, mouth crushed against yours, and it was already messy, saliva dripping down his chin, but you didn’t care.
Not after what he just said.
He tasted of lazy Saturday mornings, of books about fate, of home.
He tasted fucking perfect.
“Let me make you feel good” You whispered, “Please, please, please”
Despite the growing lust, he was still fucking polite, shaking his head, “No, let me-”
You pushed your tongue into his mouth to interrupt him, words slipping out in a rush, “You don’t have to suffer, not when it comes to me”
“I know” He whined fervently, in a heated daze. You were both burning up, and it was so hot inside this room, but he was the hottest boy that had ever existed. You wanted to do so much, but your time together wasn’t infinite, and the things you wanted to do to him were.
“Please let me do this” You mumbled, pecking his lips over and over.
“What are you going to do?” He whispered.
You fingers rest in his hair, and you pulled at the strands to tilt his head back with enough harshness to make him whine, allowing you access to his neck.
Within seconds, you pressed a trail of kisses down his throat and jaw, nipping at his ear.
“Fuck-” He moaned, as you bit onto his neck. Your other hand travelled up his body, fingers brushing against his chest, and his hips bucked up into nothing.
You should be more careful. You wanted to be delicate, but you couldn’t stop, and he couldn’t either, as he slowly rocked his hips against yours, to relieve the friction.
Hyunjin was restless, squirming, as you did so, and he suddenly whined, “Baby, don’t mark me”
You pulled back to look at him, “Why?”
His eyes were half-lidded but clearly he was still thinking straight, panting, “Someone… could see”
The disappointment must have been evident in your face because he immediately kissed you, whispering, “You can do anything else to me, I’m sorry”
You indulged him in the kiss, feeling his tongue in your mouth, as he explored you, grip strong on your jaw. His other hand pushed your sweatshirt up, and his lips were so fucking swollen, dripping with spit - yours and his.
It was messy, his hair was wet, and his hands were stained with dye as they travelled up your body, tracing each curve, under your sweatshirt. They brushed the wire of your bra, and he immediately paused, puling back to ask for permission.
Hyunjin had touched you before, but he’d always been so fucking respectful, never going into unfamiliar territory. Despite the heat of the moment, his eyes were shy, as he silently asked you if he could go further.
“You can…keep going” You nodded, pressing your lips to his again.
It was all the approval that he needed, before his large hands squeezed your tits and you moaned, “Hyun-”
“Last night-” He began speaking, voice hoarse, “I wanted to touch you so fucking bad”
“Me too” You breathed, “You made me crazy…with what you said. I’m sorry I couldn’t come over”
“I’m sorry too” He apologised so sweetly, but he groped you so filthily, fingers pulling back the lace of your bra, ”I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel good, when that’s all I ever fucking want to do”
He made you clench, “Fuck, Hyun I promise when I came over this morning, I…I wasn’t expecting this”
He shook his head, kissing the corner of your mouth, “I know, I know, you were just being so fucking sweet, you’re always so sweet”
“I was— I was just so worried about you” You admitted, but every word was difficult when you couldn’t breathe. Every word was difficult when his tongue slipped into your mouth, and you gave up on speaking, to just taste and devour him.
“I know. You care about me far too much” He mumbled, pulling back to gaze at you.
“Does it still hurt you?”
“If I say yes--”
“I’ll make it go away” You promised.
“How?” He breathed, chest heaving, wondering what you could possibly do to take away the pain.
Your hand landed on his lap, and he was clearly so turned on, and you gently squeezed him through his sweatpants.
A loud moan escaped him, back arching at the sudden sensation, “Oh my god…”
“Is it okay if I go on?” You asked, against his lips.
“Please, I might die if you stop”
You smiled at his words,“You’re hard”
“I know” He chuckled, eyes half-lidded.
“Is that because I kissed you?” You teased, pecking kisses down his jaw, as you palmed his cock through his sweats, “Or is it because I’m touching you?”
“It’s because you’re you” He groaned, head thrown back against the mirror.
Suddenly, a buzzing caught your attention, and your phone vibrated against the bathroom counter. Still, you didn’t stop touching him.
“Baby…” He moaned, his voice was hoarse, trying to find his way to a sentence, “Your…your work”
“Don’t think about that right now” You told him, kissing under his ear, sucking over the sensitive spot, “Just let me take care of you”
Your hands hovered over the string of his sweats, “Can I?”
He nodded, frantically, “I told you. Do whatever you want...to me. You don’t even have to ask”
“Okay” You undid the knot, loosening the waistband of his sweatpants, and Hyunjin held his breath, abs clenching tightly, as you slipped your hand inside, feeling him bare.
He let out a whimper, “Oh god”
Your fingers wrapped around his entire length, and you’d touched him before, the first time that you kissed him, but things were different now.
“Fuck” He grit his teeth, “If I don’t last long-”
“Don’t worry about that” You told him. It was stupid and silly how your brain short-circuited; all you could think of was how hard and big he was.
“Wait-” He interrupted, and you looked up at him, wondering if he changed his mind. Instead of asking you to stop, he grabbed your hand.
You watched, curious, as he lift it to his own mouth, his lips wrapping against your fingers, wetting them.
It dawned on you what he was doing, and maybe you were so far gone that you’d forgotten how to even do this, and you felt embarrassed, but Hyunjin didn’t let you feel embarrassed for too long. The sight of him with your fingers in his mouth was so absolutely insane that you had to remind yourself to stay still, and not pounce on him in that very moment.
He pulled them out, with a pop, spit trailing down his swollen lips, “It’s easier… this way”
You immediately slipped your hand back into his sweatpants, tugging at his cock. It was easier now with spit on your hands, and it was better as you gripped him tightly. He was so warm, leaking already, and you wanted to just feel him inside you.
It was only the morning, and maybe that’s why he was flushing red, squirming as you touched him in broad daylight, and he pressed his mouth to yours, too shy to look into your eyes.
Too shy, but far too turned on, as his cock twitched with every tug of your hand, hips bucking to feel more of you.
Your grip was steady, thumb brushing against his tip and you learnt that he loved that, because his whines got louder when you did, curse words escaping his lips.
“Oh my god” He groaned, and his mouth fell open, eyes squeezing shut.
“Do you like that, Hyun?” You asked him, “You like being touched?”
“Fuck. You’re going to make me come so fucking fast” He mumbled, embarrassed, hands gripping the marble counter.
Your pace increased, squeezing him every other second, and it had been so long since you’d given a handjob that you would get tired but of course he was helping you out, rocking his hips into your hand to match your pace.
He was unable to keep still, knuckles turning white, sweat dripping down his chest, drenching his abs.
He was so sensitive, and it was tough because your hand was restrained by the elastic of his sweat, but he kept squirming, so you gripped his thigh with your other hand, “Stay still, Hyunnie”
“I can’t” He whimpered, a tear slipping out, “It feels so good”
You kissed the edge of his mouth, as his moans got louder and your pace increased, hand gliding up and down with ease. It would be easier if his sweatpants were off, but you’d lose it if you saw him like that.
A loud ringer threatened to pull your attention away.
“Someone…someone is calling you again” He breathed.
“They can wait” You cut him off with another kiss, and his hips bucked up into your hands, legs wrapping tight around you.
“Y/N-” He moaned, the veins in his neck strained as he held back.
Your phone was ringing, but you didn’t care about it right now. You’d been interrupted countless times in the past, and today you would make him feel good, no matter what.
“Faster?” You asked.
“Yes, please” He pleaded.
You picked up the pace, squeezing his cock tightly and he bit down on his lip, harshly.
“I just wanna be buried inside you” He blurted, cheeks red, chest heaving, “I can’t imagine how good you’d feel”
“I’d let you do anything to me too, you know?”
“Really?”
“You can fuck me, anywhere… anytime that you want”
He swallowed, “Shit- I want that now”
You leaned closer, pressing your chest to his, “You want to fuck me?”
He bit his lip, “Y-Yes, but-”
He was so whiney, and it was so easy to tease him, “But you’re not supposed to. We’re not supposed to do this, right?”
“I don’t give a fuck about that. I need to be inside you. I dreamt about you, every night” He blurted, and you learnt that perhaps forbidden love was his turn-on.
“What do you dream about?”
“I dream about — Fuck. I dream about you, on top of me, and about - it’s so inappropriate”
“Tell me, please Hyun”
He nodded, wanting nothing more than to please, “I dream of tasting you, and I can’t imagine how sweet you’d taste, and I think about waking you up in the morning, and — ”
He seemed like he was losing it, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, specks decorating his collarbones, and you were losing it too, at his words.
“Do you touch yourself to it? To those dreams?” You asked him, squeezing him again.
Tears brimmed at his eyes from the pleasure, and he shook his head, “I want to, but is that...is that okay with you?”
You smiled, kissing him, “Are you asking me if it’s okay?”
“Yeah” He breathed.
You pecked his cheek, and his ear, while stroking his cock, “You can think about me all you want when you touch yourself”
“Fuck” He groaned, “I’m so close. Please don’t stop, please”
“What do you need?” You whispered.
“Let me touch you” He begged, and you nodded, so his hands found their way to your body.
He pulled you close, pushed your sweatshirt up, just enough to catch the lavender lace of your bra, in the early afternoon sun, “You’re so fucking hot”
You ran your fingers through the freshly-dyed hair, and when he felt your nails against his scalp, he moaned loudly, and you learnt that he loved having his hair pulled.
You pulled at his hair, and his hips bucked, thrusting up into the air, head falling back, and with another tug inside his sweats, a loud moan escaped him.
“Fuck—” He groaned, pink lips parting, eyes squeezed shut, cock twitching as he came in your hand, soaking you.
Small whines left his lips, and he rest his head against the mirror, and you continued touching him, and his legs trembled from the pleasure and the pain, until he was done.
It was only a regular Saturday morning but it was the most beautiful moment in your life.
You learnt that you could never feel as satisfied, as you did right now, revelling in his orgasm.
You stopped, in awe of him, until his breathing returned to normal. His hair was sticking to his face, and you pushed it back, and his chest was moving rapidly.
Hyunjin’s lips were bitten red and swollen, a sheen of sweet dripping down his abs, as he tried to catch his breath.
“Fuck” He muttered, opening his eyes to look at you, after he’d finally calmed down.
Slowly, you slipped your hands out of his sweats, and he noticed the mess he’d made, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s-”
“Don’t say sorry” You told him, kissing his cheek.
“But I…let me clean it up” He felt embarrassed, post-coital haze taking over, and he reached for a tissue, wiping your hands with it.
You smiled at his tenderness.
He was red all over, as he wiped his release from your hands, “I’m sorry”
“Hyun” You interrupted him, “Relax”
His shoulders slacked, and he nodded, “Okay”
Like clockwork, your phone rang again.
Hyunjin’s gaze drifted to it, reading the caller ID, “Are they gonna be mad at you?”
“I don’t care”
His eyes searched yours, and he nodded, and his cheeks were so red, and he was so endearing.
“How do you feel now?”
He let out a chuckle, pulling you closer, “What do you think?”
“I don’t know” You teased, nails grazing his abs. You were turned on beyond belief, the sight of Hyunjin like this enough to make you go insane, but it wasn’t about you right now, it was about him.
When you got home, you’d think of him and this moment, and make yourself feel good.
You’d think of the moans, and the feeling of his cock in your hand, and you’d imagine it was him touching you.
“I promise this wasn’t my intention…when I asked you-”
“I know. You just wanted help with your hair” You interrupted him.
He laughed, “Yeah…and you helped me”
You tucked his hair behind his ear, still not used to his new look, “You look perfect, Hyun”
“I’m embarrassed” He admitted after a while, “I’m sorry if I was pushy or-”
“You weren’t” You assured him, only half-joking, “Now I know what I’m gonna be thinking about at work”
His eyes shot to yours, widening, “Y/N…”
You laughed, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I’m kidding”
“What about you?”
You laughed, “What about me?”
He smiled, coy, “Isn’t it my turn now?”
“Your turn to what?”
He leaned forward, voice dropping, “You’re…you’re not wet?”
You swallowed, because of fucking course you were, and then your phone rang again, for the fifth time in a row.
“I…I should get that” You stuttered, stepping away from him.
You don’t know why, but…you weren’t ready.
You weren’t ready for him to see you like that, even though every part of you wanted him. Maybe because you knew it couldn’t last. You feared that if Hyunjin touched you even just once, you’d never feel the same again.
So, you answered the sixth missed call, “Hello?”
Hyunjin watched you from where he sat.
Mina’s voice came in, “Oh my god, I thought you died or something”
“Yeah, sorry. I…wasn’t feeling well. I’ll be there soon” You replied, staring at the cabinet and how he’d arranged everything beautifully — a black cherry candle on the top shelf, a cerulean blue hand towel, and a tiny glass jar of hair-clips.
Your gaze darted to Hyunjin’s, and he was putting on his shirt now.
“Okay, I’ll see you there” Mina spoke, hanging up.
“You have to go?” He asked.
You turned to him, “Yeah, in a bit”
He stepped closer to you, “Are you all right?”
You nodded, “Mmh. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He smiled, pressing you into the counter, “Because you didn’t answer my question”
Your eyes widened, “Hyun-”
“I hope you don’t think of me as one of those guys”
“What guys?” You laughed.
“The guy… who’d let you just go to work without taking care of you too”
You gulped, “You don’t have to take care of me”
His expression fell, “You don’t want me to…?”
“No, it’s not that”
“Then tell me what it is” He asked, leaning in.
“Hyun…maybe later” You told him, “Mrs. Aera…will really hate me if I don’t show up”
He sighed, “Yeah. No one could ever hate you, though”
“Let’s not wait and find out” You laughed, grabbing your phone. As you headed for the door, Hyunjin watched you from the bathroom counter, but suddenly spoke, “Y/N”
“Yeah?” You turned.
He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Your heart jumped at the suddenness, and the kiss was so soft, so slow.
“Thank you” He said, pulling away, just slightly, “For…cutting my hair”
“Of course” You smiled. His fingers brushed against the skin of your stomach, and he pulled you close again, finding your mouth with his for the second time in the same breath.
Immediately, you kissed him back, and his tongue slipped into your mouth, deepening the kiss.
“Thank you…for…” He mumbled again, between kisses.
This time…you knew he wasn’t referring to the haircut.
Your mouth hovered close, nose touching his, “Don’t thank me, Hyun. I’ve only been dreaming about it forever”
“So...you dream about me too?” He asked, looking right into your eyes.
You laughed, hands coming up to his chest to push him away, “Shut up”
“Wait” He leaned in to kiss you again. You let yourself melt into his embrace, and you wanted to ask what the hell happened to his no-dating rule, and all of his damned rules about love, but you didn’t.
A chuckle escaped you, “You have to stop thanking me…”
“No, you just…you make me feel so good” He whispered, “I don’t deserve it”
Your eyebrows shot up.
Where did that come from?
“Hyun, I’ll be late” You told him, and you were crazy for willingly pulling away from him, but you wanted to respect Mrs. Aera and her time.
There was no hurry. Hyunjin wasn’t going anywhere right now, and you’d have all the time in the world to kiss him when you got back from work.
There was still time.
“We’re meeting at the Creek later tonight, right? Yeonjun might come too”
“Tonight? I almost forgot about your futile mission to make me love Daejon again”
He pouted, and you wonder how he could look so adorable after doing something so filthy, “Don’t call it futile”
“We’ll see who’s right” You hummed, adjusting your sweatshirt.
“Have a good day at work”
You felt like teasing him again, just a bit, “Maybe you should change your sweats after I leave”
He flushed red, “Stop. You’re the one that couldn’t resist me, and all just because I changed my hair”
You narrowed your eyes, “Unfair. You win”
He smiled, cheek dimpling, “I know”
»»————-
Work felt a lot like hell that afternoon.
As you sorted through the new paint, all you thought of was him.
His moans haunted you, his nose scrunching in pleasure, spit trailing down his swollen lips.
What came over you to do such a thing?
How did he let you?
The answer, of course, was simple enough.
Fucking lust. Or love. For you, it was both.
It seemed like he’d realized that you couldn’t stay away from each other, and you were thankful that you didn’t have to pretend to resist each other anymore.
“Acrylics?”
“Huh?” You looked up from where you were bent on the floor, hands buried in bubble wrap.
“Could you pass me the acrylics?” Mina repeated, standing tall on a ladder, trying to stock the upper shelves.
“Right. Sure” You reached into the cardboard box behind you. A new edition of paint bottles lay there, named summer pastels, and you handed it over to Mina.
Just a few hours more that you had to make it through.
You were meeting him and Jun by the Creek later for a night swim, and the thought of seeing him so soon again excited you. There was so much to do with him and you were looking forward to the rest of the summer.
He definitely seemed eager to explore the rest of Daejon, and you had to take him to the night market, the summer solstice festival in the park, to a paintball fest, the list was endless.
You wanted to teach him your favourite techniques about art. He’d asked for your help after all. You’d help him excel in watercolour, and gouache, and maybe he’d love impressionism. It was surreal, and dreamy just like him and you could imagine the landscapes you could paint together.
How amazing would that be?
If you and him worked on a painting together.
Your styles were so different, but they’d meld together so well, and you’d let him take the lead. You could imagine how proud he’d feel.
You hope you wouldn’t get too distracted and caught up in each other, and would actually finish the painting, and god, it would be so hot if there was paint all over him-
“You’re distracted” Mina pointed out, stretching to reach the upper shelf as she stocked new sharpies.
“I’m just tired”
She smiled, “Thinking about a boy?”
“What else did you want me to hand you?”
“You’re cute when you’re flustered, Y/N”
“I’m not flustered. I told you…I’m tired”
Your phone buzzed, and you immediately reached for it, before realising that you were technically at work, and you shouldn’t be so eager.
Still, Mina caught onto that.
“Oh my god” She laughed, “Who is he?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You put your phone face down, so you wouldn’t be tempted to check.
“Yeah you do” She smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed of it”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, because nothing is going on” You felt like a broken record repeating that, but it was the truth.
Your phone buzzed again, and you peeked at the messages.
They were from Seungmin.
seungmin:
hey yn
i think you may be at work but I can't get in touch with hyunjin
whenever you do, can you ask him if the refund for the last payment came in?
you:
refund for what?
seungmin:
the art classes
at the château
he was registered for the whole summer before, but since he’s not attending them anymore, we’re refunding him
you:
what?
he cancelled the classes?
“Y/N. I arranged the colors the way you like. Is it okay?” Mina interrupted, and you looked up at her, confused by what you’d just learnt.
“Yeah. It’s okay” You mumbled, reaching for your phone again.
“Can you please text whoever he is after work? I need some help with the canvas” She asked.
You nodded, “Of course. Sorry”
Hyunjin probably had a really good reason for cancelling the classes, maybe it was getting too expensive for him, and you’d ask him about it later.
“Which one even is he?” She asked.
“What?”
“Which boy?” She grinned at you.
“It’s just Seungmin” You told her, “And you’re one to talk”
“What?” She asked.
“Earlier when I came by…I saw the daffodils. Who’s the secret admirer, Mina?” You laughed, turning the tables on her.
She laughed, stepping down from the ladder, “Those were for you, dumbass”
“What?” You glanced up at her, heart jumping.
“They’re in the back room. Since you didn’t come for the morning shift, I put them in some water so they wouldn’t die”
Your eyes widened, “Can I go see?”
“Of course, but come right back please. I need some help with the easels”
Hyunjin sent you flowers?
Why didn’t he tell you? He must have wanted it to be a surprise, and you immediately stood up, dusting the dirt off your jeans as you made your way to the back room.
The daffodils were peeking out from a cut-up plastic water bottle, a stark contrast to the natural beauty of the flowers. Your heart melted. Mina had done her best, going so far as to putting them on the one shelf of the storage room that got sunlight.
As you stepped closer, the scent overwhelmed you. It had been so long since you’d gone to pick any flowers.
The petals were delicate to your touch, and you turned the bouquet around. There was no note attached from him.
The flowers were enough though, and you smiled to yourself, making a mental note to take them home with you, and put them on the windowsill by your bed.
You would thank him later.
You wanted to cheer him up anyway, and since you were going to the Creek tonight, you knew the perfect fucking way to do that. You just couldn’t wait for him to see it.
“They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Mina asked.
You turned to see her standing by the door, “Yeah. They’re so beautiful”
“Someone is waiting out there for you” She nodded back toward the shop.
“Oh, I’ll be right there” You grabbed the fragile water bottle, carrying it back out with you.
You stopped in your tracks as you entered the shop again.
Curly hair falling to her shoulders, the color of rose-gold, heart-shaped glasses balanced atop her nose, she was flipping through a Daejon brochure.
“Yuqi?” You exclaimed.
She looked up, immediately pushing the glasses up her head, and her lips tugged into a gorgeous smile.
“Seems like you’ve been up to a lot while I’ve been away” She grinned, pointing to the tourist brochure in her hands.
“I’ve been up to nothing” You laughed, stepping up to pull her into a hug, holding the flowers in your other hand.
“Fuck, it’s been so long” She hummed.
“When did you get back?” You asked, placing the temporary vase on the cash counter. You leaned against it, turning to face her.
She looked like a dream in denim dungarees and a tube top.
“I drove in early this morning. I was running a few errands for Yeonjun since then”
You crossed your arms, “Oh, he’s already making you work for him?”
She rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately, as his twin sister, I have no choice but to do it”
“What errands does he even have?”
“Ice-cream to aid his broken heart”
“Oh” You pouted, “He told you about that, huh?”
“Texted me crying last night” She shrugged, “That’s kind of why I drove in last minute. I wasn’t supposed to come home until the fall”
You smiled, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sure he will be too”
“I’m like the worst therapist” She laughed, “But…I have dealt with assholes and heartbreak before, so I may just be the perfect person”
Your eyes fell to the brochure in her hands, “What are you even reading that for?”
“There’s a beautiful picture of you in it" She said, waving the paper around.
“What?” You grabbed it from her, flipping through the pages.
It was the new tourist brochure for Daejon, and just like she said, there was a picture of you.
It was from the Paint and Wine event at the Château.
You were painting, smiling at someone off-camera, and you knew that it was obviously Hyunjin, but he hadn’t been a part of this frame.
Maybe that was better since you didn’t need any rumours around town. Still, it remind you of that night and how beautiful it was, well… until the part where Hyunjin told you he could never be in a relationship, or let himself love someone.
You folded and kept it away, looking back at Yeonjun’s sister.
“You said you drove here? From Busan?”
She nodded.
“You brought the red pickup?”
She laughed, not one for nostalgia or outspoken love, “Sometimes I think you love me just for my car”
Just outside the store window, was parked her gorgeous red pickup truck. You had countless memories associated with it — nights Yuqi would sneak you and Felix out for drives, to the night markets and candy shops in Samhae, up the hill, to the river when Minho had his fishing phase in school.
Observing your wistful expression, Yuqi smiled, “Don’t tell me you’re reminiscing high school already, Y/N”
“I’m not!” You defended, “But it was kind of fun. It was simple”
“It isn’t now?”
You shrugged, “Things have changed a lot since you were last here”
She stepped up to you, “I already know about Hana and Jun’s fallout; what else happened?”
You didn’t even know where to start. Yuqi had always been like an older sister to you, even though technically her and Yeonjun were the same age, but you’d hardly kept in touch ever since she moved.
She’d been so busy in her life, and there was so much she didn't know about you.
You fiddled with your charm bracelet, wondering how to sum up the best summer of your life, “I uh, I met a boy”
Her eyebrows shot up, “What the actual fuck? Tell me everything”
“Sure, but I have to help out Mina too” You laughed, moving back to the supplies, “You’re coming tonight, right?”
“To the Creek? Yeah, Yeonjun told me he’s going” She questioned.
“You should come! You can meet him there”
Her eyes widened, “The boy you met, he’s coming tonight too?”
You smiled, “Yeah. It was actually his plan to go in the first plan”
“Fuck. Is he cute?”
“Mmh. He is” You laughed, pushing the cart of supplies towards Mina as she stocked them, rolling her eyes at your and Yuqi’s conversation.
“You ladies are not passing the Bechdel test” Mina laughed, from the top step of the ladder.
You glanced up at her, “You know what that is?”
“Of course. How dumb do you think I am” She laughed.
Yuqi leaned against the shelf, crossing her arms, “What is the Bechdel test?”
“Like...a way of figuring out if a film or book represents women without the stereotypes or sexism, and in order to pass the test, the book should have more than one conversation between women...which isn’t about men” You explained.
Yuqi laughed, “Well, fuck me. You’re still telling me all about the hot boy you met this summer. The Bechdel test can sue me”
»»————-
Hyunjin was waiting for you by the forest trail, later that night. Liquid dripped from his lips as he sucked on a cherry, and he had a bunch in his hand.
He looked adorable, hands tucked into denim jeans, his hair pushed under a baseball cap.
“Where did you get those?”
He glanced up, a small smile on his lips, “Hey”
He pulled into a half-hug because of how messy his hands were.
“Hey”
His lips were redder than ever, juice from the fruit dripping down his neck. It did something to you, and you looked away, not wanting to relive your thoughts that overtook you at work.
He bit into another cherry, “I picked them out earlier by myself. At first, I wasn’t sure how to know which ones are fresh, because back in Seoul, I just buy them from the 7/11 under our dorm, but I don’t know, there’s something truly satisfying about picking your own fruit, you know?”
“Wow. How will you ever adapt to living in the city again?” You laughed.
His eyes crinkled, “Very sadly”
“I got your flowers, by the way” You smiled.
His eyebrows shot up, “What flowers?”
“The daffodils…that you got me?” You laughed, looking up at him.
Hyunjin seemed confused, which confused you further, “Um…”
“You…weren’t the ones who sent me those?”
He shook his head, an unreadable expression on his face, “No, that…wasn’t me”
“Oh okay. Never mind... How long have you been waiting here?” You asked, wanting to change the topic because that was fucking awkward, tugging your tote bag higher up your shoulder.
“You’re not late. I just got here early” He explained.
“To pick cherries?”
“Nope, I just needed to get out of the house”
“Oh. How do you feel now?”
He sighed, biting into another cherry, “It could be much worse”
“Oh…”
“But, hey, at least my head doesn’t pound anymore” He joked, as you arrived at the Creek.
The moon was supposed to be bright tonight, according to the forecast you looked up, but clearly nothing was going to plan, and everything that had happened since this morning had been all kinds of unexpected.
The water was enveloped in darkness, and it felt like you were looking out into nothing.
Yongbok had always fed you tales of the many elves, faeries, and sirens that lived in the deepest abysses of your town. Stories of otherworldly creatures that inhabited the depths of the Creek, which would only reveal themselves in the deep of the night, concealed in the shadows.
Obviously you’d never seen one, but you weren’t stubborn enough to tick their existence off the list.
He had told you those stories many times before, and you didn’t believe them, not really.
Still, staring out into the dark right now, you did feel a little on edge.
The water was mostly still, as all of the little streams led to this spot, pooling in this gorgeous area. You thought it was beautiful how every river across your town ended up in one place, bringing together each corner and story of Daejon - forming a whirlpool of the lived memories.
To be honest, if there were any chance of otherworldly creatures existing in the entire universe…they probably would be residing in the cool cerulean blue water of the Creek.
“What are you thinking?” His tender voice, calmer than the waters, pulled you out of your fantastical thoughts.
Looking up, you saw him stood by the edge of the cliff, on the same rock he had jumped off months before, but you didn’t know him back then. He was but a stranger to you at that time.
You did know him now, at least you think you did -- over the weeks of peeling every layer of what made up Hyunjin, you knew so much of what made him, him.
“I was…just thinking about how Yeonjun is late” You told him, crossing your arms against the cold breeze.
Hyunjin’s lips curled up, “He’ll be here”
“I hope he didn’t ditch us” You stared back at the dark water.
Hyunjin laughed, “Of course not. I think he’s just running late”
“You seem fairly confident when you’ve known him for less than a week”
He chuckled, stepping closer to you, “We can get in the water. We don’t have to wait for him, you know?”
You swallowed, “Get in the water, like…just me and you alone...together...?”
“Yeah”
Hyunjin standing there right now, looking like this, did not help your emotions.
Chocolate brown strands framed his face, grazing his cheeks, and the rest was pulled up into a bun, messy, uneven, so fucking attractive.
And even if all those tales Yongbok and the town-dwellers told you were false, Hyunjin was the closest thing to an ethereal, out-of-this-world, ripped straight out of a fantasy novel creature - that you'd ever see.
If those stories had been written in today's age, they would probably all be about him.
The t-shirt you'd picked out this morning fit him far too well, the zipper stopping at his chest, burgundy sleeves hugging his arms and biceps just like you wish he would hug you.
You were surprised when you’d seen him in that, and you definitely hadn’t been subtle enough this morning.
He tilt his head at you, “Is there a problem with that? If it's just you and me in the water, alone?”
Was there?
The hint of a smile made it's way onto your face, and you reached up to untie your halter top, and even the fiercest creatures in Daejon couldn’t intimidate you right now as much as he did, “No...there's no problem at all, Hyun"
His eyes fixated on you, as you slipped off the top, revealing the swimsuit you’d picked inside. Light-pink, it hugged your body far too tightly, but he didn’t seem to care.
He stared at you, unabashedly, unashamed, as you kept the top to the side, with the rest of your stuff. His eyes flickered over your body, and then back to your face.
“Your turn” You told him, crossing your arms.
“Okay” He chuckled, reaching up behind his neck, to take off his shirt, and your pulse went frantic and you felt so silly.
Hell, you’d seen him shirtless only hours before, but it was never enough, and he looked so fucking pretty in the moonlight.
You reached for the button on your shorts, popping it open, and Hyunjin watched as you slipped them off your legs, stepping out of them. It was chilly tonight, and you bent down, to put all of your stuff inside your backpack, and you were so fucking excited to show Hyunjin what you’d been planning. He would love it so much—
“Jisung called me”
You looked up, “What?”
“Yeah” He released a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. I’m ruining this moment”
“No...that’s okay. How is he doing?”
“As good as he can be right now, but...” He sat down on the rock, staring at the water, “I feel bad that I’m not with him”
“You’ll see him in a few weeks though, wouldn’t you?”
Hyunjin swallowed, “Yup”
You’d been expecting that Hyunjin would feel better after…what happened earlier this afternoon, but maybe it was naïve and stupid of you to assume that. You couldn’t change his life circumstances. You made him cum, you didn’t fix all the problems in his life.
You felt defeated, because he certainly didn’t seem to be in the mood for this.
And why should he?
His best friend was going through shit, and he could do nothing about it.
“Are you sure you wanna do this?” You asked.
Hyunjin glanced up at you, “Do what?”
“Swim. We don’t need to. I know you’re not in a mood to…we’re only doing this for me—”
“No, I wanna do this” He interrupted, “Did I…made you feel like I didn’t?”
“Maybe we can just wait for Yeonjun” You spoke, joining him on the rocks, “He must be close”
He nodded, crossing his legs on, “Yeah, he must be. So who do you think the flowers are from?”
You turned to him, pulling your knees to your chest, confused, “I don’t know. I…just assumed it was from you”
His face fell.
You smiled, to reassure him, “Don’t worry. They’re probably sent to the wrong person. Or maybe they’re consolation flowers for not getting the apprenticeship”
Hyunjin frowned at the mention of that, “Once I get back to Seoul, I’m definitely giving a piece of my mind to that shit company”
“What?” You laughed.
“They’re crazy to deny you” He expressed, turning to you, “Have you thought about…applying to another?”
You glanced at him, “Another program?”
“Yeah” He wrung his hands together.
You shrugged, staring at the dark water, “Not yet. I’m not proud enough of my work to send my portfolio again, and I’m…not really over the rejection”
“So, what, you’re gonna just give up?”
You shook your head, “No, of course not, Hyun. I’m just gonna take some time off”
“You can’t do that”
You frowned, the urgency in his tone unmistakable, “Why…? Isn’t it a good thing to take time to myself?”
“No, because-” He turned to you, grabbing your hand, “You’re so fucking good at what you do. Right now, there will be so many chances…and opportunities that you could get. Do you know how many companies I auditioned at before I got selected at Pegasus?”
Your face softened, unfamiliar with this urgency, “No, I…didn’t know that, Hyun”
There was so much you still didn’t know about him.
Realisation sank into his face, “Yeah. Well, it was a lot. If I’d given up, do you think I’d still be here right now?”
So much you yearned to know.
Why did he choose to audition in the first place? What made him even go after this profession?
And then more. Stuff about his life that didn't matter, or maybe it did.
Who was his first kiss? What was his favourite book? His worst heartbreak? The first girl he fucked? Your curiosity would rip at the seams and maybe it would never end, because the things you wanted to know about him were endless, and now that time was slipping away, it was the only opportunity to stop thinking and start asking him all of those things.
There was no point in dwelling on the what-ifs.
Hyunjin was here now, and you would not hold back anymore.
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?” He glanced at you.
“Stay so fucking positive, despite everything. If I was in your place, I think the apprehension and fear would have killed me”
His lip tilted up, “It’s not always this way. This year is just not a good one for us. I guess because people are finally beginning to know who we are, it just invites so much more hate, and anger”
“I don’t understand people”
“I know” He sighed, “But for the amount of hate, the love we get...it cancels out all the bullshit”
Hyunjin spoke of love in so many ways, except one.
“Like…” You picked at the pebbles with your nails, lowering your voice, “Some people are so evil”
Hyunjin nodded, “Mmh, but let’s... forget about them tonight. For the time we have left, I don’t want you to spend it inside your head”
“The time we have left...” You repeated, and you would forget about those people tonight, because tonight was special, “I have a lot of things I wanna do with you”
“You do?” He looked at you, voice unsure.
“Yeah” You smiled, “You’re going to love it. There’s so much stuff that happens the end of summer, like the solstices festival, and I still have to teach you so many of my favourite techniques! So I...I was thinking that we could paint together—”
He swallowed, “Maybe we should just take it one day at a time, Y/N”
You stopped mid-sentence at his words, “Oh”
You were getting carried away.
Hyunjin sighed, realising what he’d said, “Because…I mean, you know…eventually, I’ll have to go-”
It just reminded you that this was so temporary.
Your thing with him was temporary — whatever that thing was.
Hyunjin would just walk out of your life, and his life would go on as it always did.
Was there a point to what all you had planned, if he was never going to see you again after that?
“Yeah I know” You interrupted, “Let’s get in the water”
“Y/N…” He spoke, reaching out to your cheek, “We came here for a reason, right? You love this place, and so you’d have a good-”
“I am having a good time” You stood up, standing by the edge, and you would.
Tonight was supposed to be special.
He joined you, staring at the drop, arms crossed, “Are you gonna ask me to jump again?”
You laughed, “You’ve done it before”
He glanced at you, biting his lip, “Together?”
It wasn’t that scary, but this was only his second time here, and so you took his hand in yours, letting him grip you tightly.
And then you stepped forward into nothingness, stomach lurching at the sudden drop.
You’d jumped off this rock a hundred times before, but this time you still didn’t feel prepared.
The cold water swallowed you both, and for a minute or what felt like hours, everything was blank.
It was black, and blue, and freezing, and you couldn’t see where he was, and your head pounded with the pressure, and for a second, you feared your worries would weigh you down until you couldn’t come up —
But then Hyunjin pulled you up out of the water, holding you tight.
You gasped for breath, taking in fresh air, yet it still felt like all the oxygen had left your lungs, because he was touching you so close.
Hyunjin shook his head, to get the hair and water out of his eyes, “Fuck. The water’s fucking freezing”
“It is” You shivered, drifting closer into his arms, to share in his body heat.
The water finally settled around, ripples from your jump dissipating, and if there were any creatures in the water they surely would have woken up by now.
“This is what you missed about Daejon? Freezing your ass off? I can see why you hate this town”
You laughed, loudly, gripping his shoulders, “Shut up. It’s nice if you let it settle”
His teeth chattered, and he was so dramatic because it wasn’t that cold. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him to you, “It’s better than a cold shower”
“What do you even love about this?” He asked you, “It’s better in the morning. It’s warm and I don’t get hypothermia—”
You grabbed his chin, making him look up.
He did, mouth parting, in awe of the view.
The stars had never been as bright as they were tonight, and he sucked in a sharp breath, “How is it so clear? It’s…even better than the hills”
“There’s no lights here, so you can see them much clearer”
Hyunjin’s gaze stayed up to the sky, as he watched the stars twinkle.
“Shit, isn’t that gorgeous? I can see all the constellations from down here” He spoke, “Wait, I think I know that one. It’s Cassiopeia”
Your heart stung at the reminder, but you calmed yourself.
One day at a time.
Tonight would be great.
You tilt your body back, floating on the water, and Hyunjin held onto your waist, drifting with you in the cesspool of your lived memories.
Time felt like it stretched into hours, as you watched the stars move so slow, as the Earth spun, and Hyunjin’s fingers kept you rooted to reality, and your perception of everything was different here.
You almost expected to look up, and be back in the past somehow, and the thought was terrifying because as much as you wanted things to be good again, it couldn’t happen at the cost of Hyunjin.
The stars blinked, disappearing every other second, reminding you of a memory you’d forgotten - you’d actually planned something for him, and you were going to miss it, because you were stupidly stuck in the past, when your present was already so perfect.
“Fuck” You straightened up, “We need to get out of the water”
There was something Hyunjin needed to see.
And it had to be now.
“What?”
“We might have already missed it” You immediately swam back to the bank, and Hyunjin followed, confused why you were getting out of the water so early.
“Missed what?” He laughed, as you lifted yourself out. The wind pricked your skin. You slipped on your flimsy top, and there wasn’t any time to wear your shorts and you can’t believe you fucking forgot about this.
How lost were you?
“Why are you getting dressed?”
“It’s…like your thing on the Château” You told him, grabbing his hand to drag him away from the water and into the woods, not wanting to spoil it anymore.
“What thing?” He stumbled after you, still dripping wet from your short-lived swim.
“The town lights on the hill. Remember you showed them to me?” You spoke, as you pulled him through the underbrush.
“I remember” He was confused, following as you ran through the clearing, into the denser part of the woods. The sound of crickets surrounded you, drowning your little gasps of breath as you ran through.
The leaves crunched under your hurried footsteps, pushing past the twigs in your way.
You hadn’t been there in a few years, but there was no better time to revisit.
He had to see, and he had to now.
He would love it, you know he would love it so much.
If anything in Daejon could make him feel grateful and happy, it was this place.
“But where are we going?” Hyunjin almost whined, trying to keep up with you. He was much taller so it should have been easier for him, but he was still stumbling through, clearly not used to the wilderness and the city boy inside him was peeking out.
“We’re almost here!” You promised.
“Can’t you at least tell me—“
Your abrupt stop made him bump into you, and he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did you step on-”
“I want you to close your eyes”
His eyebrows shot up, “What…?”
“Just…” You grabbed his hands, “Please listen to me and don’t ask any questions”
He laughed, amused but slowly closed his eyes, and you grabbed his warm hand in yours. You lead him deeper into the clearing, and he hesitated.
“Don’t make me fall into a ditch—”
“Just trust me, Hyun” You told him.
“I do trust you. I just don’t want to get hurt blindly walking through a forest” He asked, stepping over the leaves, and pebbles that he felt under his feet.
Your smile grew, as you finally made it to the clearing, a view prettier than anything in the entire universe.
You hadn’t come here in ages.
You turned to face him, catching your breath, “Okay. We’re here”
“Where? Can I open my eyes now?”
You laughed, because Hyunjin was such a hopeless romantic, but he was so impatient too.
Amongst the Daejon woods, was a clearing, where the terrain was flat, and the woodland plants grew tall - a mix of orange and purple flowers, surrounded by thin weeds.
But, the most beautiful part of this clearing, was what you’d brought him to witness.
“You can open your eyes, Hyun”
Confusion painted his face, in the form of suspicious furrowed eyebrows, until he finally looked up, realising just why you brought him here.
His mouth fell open in awe, eyes widening, as he took in the scene.
“Oh my god”
Soft, twinkling lights illuminated the entire clearing.
A hundred of them, bright lights, flying above the canopy, like stars shining through the canopy.
Stars that flew around, bumping into each other, creating paths and patterns that could never be replicated even in constellations.
Fireflies.
Hyunjin’s eyes were lit up, mouth parted in amazement like never before, watching the little lightning bugs illuminate the dark woods.
“Oh my god” Hyunjin repeated, a chuckle of disbelief escaping him. He clutched his stomach tightly, as if he couldn’t believe he were here, turning a full circle to take in the view.
“There’s so many of them” He breathed.
A smile overtook your lips, voice soft, “Do you like it?”
He turned to you, pure adoration in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas morning, like a boy in love, but not with you, with what you’d done for him.
“How did you know they would be here?”
You shrugged, coyly, “A coincidence”
His gaze softened at your words, “You planned this”
“I did…I wanted to show them to you”
He looked up again, getting distracted in the way the fireflies flew above the canopy, “It’s so beautiful”
You swallowed, “I wanted to show them to you…before you have to leave. I thought it’d make you feel better, even if only temporarily. I know you’re having a hard time, and I just thought you should see this because—”
When you looked up at him, he was staring at you, not the fireflies anymore, an unreadable expression in his eyes.
His gaze pierced through you, and then flickered to your lips, “Thank you”
You swallowed, suddenly nervous as you looked up at him, “Earlier you said you wish you had a different life, and you’d be happier somehow and I want you to know that’s not true. You can be happy in this life, I know we still have a lot of time, but I don’t want to miss any moment—”
Hyunjin cut you off, pressing his lips to yours.
You let out a noise of surprise, as his arms gripped you, pulling your body closer to his. You stumbled into his embrace, immediately kissing him back. His chest was still glistening with water droplets, and his hair was dripping, sticking to your face, to your lips.
Cold, and wet fingers grabbed your cheek.
His mouth felt hot on yours, as he pressed his chest to yours, wasting no time in pushing his tongue into your mouth.
“Hyun-” You whined, pulling back an inch to breathe, but you didn’t want to breathe anything except his taste.
“I have to tell you something, Y/N”
At first you thought you misheard him.
“W-what?” You paused.
He kissed you again, holding your face in his hands, “It's...very important”
His voice was suddenly heavy with emotion, and you realised that no you did not want to know.
You’d push your curiosity to the side, and fuck that, because you didn’t want to know anything that would break your heart, and what Hyunjin was going to say definitely would.
“I don’t wanna know. Not now. Just kiss me, please”
Hyunjin’s gaze softened, “Are you sure?”
“Please” You pressed your mouth to his, “I just want you right now”
“Y/N…” He breathed, against your lips.
It was hard to speak, and you didn’t even know what you were feeling at the moment, “I just want tonight to be perfect, and I want you so much”
“Okay” He breathed, pulling your face back to his, and you kissed him, trying to erase everything he was going to say, and this could have been a beautiful moment but perhaps you weren’t the only self-destructive one.
Perhaps it was far too perfect for Hyunjin to handle, and that’s why he was trying everything he could to destroy it, but you wouldn’t let him.
So, you kissed him, until you both sat on the grass, and your knees touched the forest floor. He was on his knees too, holding you to him, hands clutching your face to still have the semblance of control.
You kissed him until the pebbles and rocks under you stopped hurting, leaving imprints on your skin forever just like he had.
You kissed him until he’d swallowed all your tears, and until denial tasted just like the cherries he had sucked on.
You kissed him until he was hard, and he mumbled, “Baby...”
He pressed you to the floor, crawling on top of you.
He never broke the open-mouthed kiss, and everything was so wet, with your spit, with the water from the Creek that still hadn’t dried off, with your soaking underwear.
His weight on top of you was new, and it was unfamiliar, and you don’t know when it would ever happen again, so you tried to memorise it. Your hands sifted through his freshly-cut hair, and it remind of you this morning, and of how beautiful he’d looked, and how different things were.
Hyunjin at seven am was so different from him now.
You wanted to learn him, and discover who he was at every hour of the day.
Hyunjin’s hands grabbed yours, and in a single move, he pinned them over your head, taking control of you.
Your hands pressed into the grass, and the rocks, and you were at his complete mercy.
“I…couldn’t focus on work today because of you” You complained, when he pulled back to breathe.
“What were you thinking about?” He whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, pushing his knee between your legs.
“Fuck” You mumbled, and his other hand dropped to your stomach, holding your body down, and it was so fucking sexy you couldn’t stop your whines, “About how pretty you look, about how big-”
He let out a groan, pushing his hardening cock against your swimsuit bottoms, “It’ll feel more perfect when I’m inside you”
Blood rushed to your head, and you tilt your head back, as he planted kisses all over your collarbone. His hand slid under your sweater, squeezing your tits in his hands as he grind against you.
You wanted to touch him, but he didn’t let you, keeping your hands at bay, and it was so fucking hot and you were so wet.
“This swimsuit…is so fucking adorable on you” He mumbled, fiddling with the strings of your bikini bottom, “Is it okay if I touch you?”
“Yes, yes, please”
Why was he even asking?
And then he pressed his fingers into your core, over the thin fabric, and you almost passed out at the touch.
“Fuck” You moaned, squirming, “Don’t tease me”
He nodded, swallowing your whimpers, “I won’t. I was just making sure you’re ready”
“I am” You all but begged.
“I know” He smiled against your lips, and true to his promise, pulled the waistband of your pastel-blue panties forward.
You could still see the fireflies from here, the twinkling lights in the sky, and you wanted to remember how that looked, but Hyunjin was rolling his hips against yours, and you couldn’t focus on anything else.
You let out a loud moan, when his hand slipped inside your underwear, and he was so fucking sweet as he kissed your cheek, “Will you let me finger you now, baby?”
“M-”
“Y/N?” A familiar voice interrupted, echoing in the woods, and Hyunjin immediately stopped, pulling back to look at you.
“Did you hear that?” He asked you, eyes half-lidded.
You were so distracted by his dilated pupils that you didn’t register that someone was calling your name, and you would have chosen to ignore it, but Hyunjin was already standing up, pulling you to your feet.
“Y/N?” The voice sang again.
“Shit” You cursed, squeezing your eyes shut.
“Who is that?” Hyunjin asked, fixing the straps of your top, pushing them back onto your shoulders.
You ran your hands over your face, trying to gather your bearings, but your head was filled with a cloud of lust, “It’s…her”
His eyebrows shot up, as he tugged your sweater over your swimsuit, “Who?”
“Y/N?” The voice called out again, as footsteps ran out into where you were.
She stopped, feet skidding against the dirt, as soon as she saw the two of you.
Hyunjin turned to her, eyes widening.
You flushed with embarrassment, because if you heard her…that means she definitely heard you moan.
She stood still, staring at the two of you, and it would almost be comical if you didn’t feel slightly ashamed.
Her rose-gold hair was pulled up into two ponytails, a red swimsuit hugging her curves.
“You must be Hyunjin” She blurted, “I’ve heard so much about you”
“Oh” He trailed off, looking back at you, and you could see he was trying to restrain the hard-on in his swim-shorts.
You were still so lost, head fuzzy, because what was Hyunjin going to tell you before you interrupted him?
Yuqi looked apologetic, “Sorry I ran in here, I parked my car and then I saw your clothes out by the rocks, and I assumed the worst, like you never know what goes on in these woods, there could be some serial killer, and I literally fell asleep watching Friday the 13th last night, and if you’ve seen that, you’d know that—“
“I haven’t seen it” Hyunjin interrupted her.
“Oh. You should. It’s…nice”
“I don’t really like horror movies”
“I’m Yeonjun’s sister” She added, an awkward smile.
“Ohh. You look like him”
“Yeah. Cause we’re related”
She looked around the glade, “Did she bring you out here to see the fireflies? I swear she and Felix are so obsessed with thi—”
“Where’s Yeonjun?” You interrupted.
“He’s already in the water” She jut her thumb back towards the water, “I’ll see you guys there!”
She ran back through the woods, and it’d be funny if you didn’t feel so frustrated. You and Hyunjin had horrible timing…or maybe it was fate’s way of saying you weren’t supposed to be doing this.
“She definitely knows what we were doing” Hyunjin spoke, softly, hand slipping inside his shorts to adjust, and you looked away.
“Yeah, but you can trust Yuqi. She…won’t tell anyone”
This was reckless. There were a lot of kids and groups from town that hiked in the woods, especially in the summer.
Hyunjin was already dealing with scandal upon scandal, he didn’t need you to make it worse.
His gaze fell to the floor, “I’m sorry for getting carried away. That was stupid”
You nodded, “Yeah. It was”
“We should be more careful” He mumbled, but you could see the frustration in his eyes as he began walking back.
You followed him, trying to calm your breathing, “It’s a good thing it was just her”
“I didn’t even know Yeonjun has a sister”
“Yeah, she lives in Busan” You told him.
“She has a car?”
“Yeah”
“I was going to rent one” He spoke, as you fell into step with him.
"You were?” You turned to him, “What do you need a car for?”
He shrugged, pushing through the rustling leaves, “I…got us tickets to something”
“Well, I’m sure Yuqi would let you have it for an evening. You don’t have to rent one”
“That sounds good” He nodded, shooting you a soft smile as you finally caught up to Yuqi and Yeonjun, who were already in the water.
They were splashing each other already, asking you to jump in.
Hyunjin headed to them, but you reached out to him, “By the way, tickets for what?”
He laughed, looking sheepish, “Can that part still be a surprise?”
»»————-
Fortunately for you, the curiosity about the surprise only lasted for a day.
“You’ve never seen Jaws?”
“I’m not really a monster movie kind of guy” Hyunjin replied, arms crossed against his chest as Yuqi gaped at him, an almost comical expression on her face.
“Does that mean you’ve never seen Chucky either?”
“I happen to like dolls, and I don’t want to change that”
They’d only known each other a little more than a day, and were already comfortable enough with each other, thanks to the hours spent last night swimming and getting to know each other.
“You’re fucking kidding me” She stated, then turned to you, “Where did you find this guy?”
“Leave him alone, Yuqi” Yeonjun replied before you could speak, and you laughed.
“No, because monster movies are easily the best genre!” She told Yeonjun, who’d already stopped listening, and was checking the tickets on his phone.
The drive-in theater was busy tonight, as a crazy amount of families and couples had come out to watch the iconic screening of Jaws.
Hyunijn had insisted that you come here tonight, another thing off your list that you’d mentioned to him, and the fact that Yuqi just happened to have a car — was a cherry on top of a perfect coincidence.
When they’d learnt of your plans, Hyunjin had been kind enough to let them come along with you, because he enjoyed their company as much as you did.
You don’t know why Hyunjin was rushing through the things, but you couldn’t complain.
Every summer, cars would line up until Mrs. Erin’s noodle shop, and a huge projector and screen were set up, facing the woods.
They usually played the same movies on loop, so you’d already got tired of the the same blockbuster tropes. Being Yongbok’s friend, you had had no choice but to indulge in every single one of these films.
Still, tonight was different, because Hyunjin was here now.
Every time you came in the past, you would borrow Yuqi’s car since her pick-up truck had space in the back to squeeze all of your friends, with thick blankets and enough snacks to last double-features. Her truck was also ideal for star-gazing and movie nights like this.
You stood leaning against it, in the minutes before the movie began. As of now, they were only showing previews and trailers, as everybody parked their cars.
“I’m not a fan of watching people get ripped apart” Hyunjin replied to her, his voice low.
“Can’t believe you’re a softie” She tilt her head, as if analysing him top-to-down. Hyunjin’s cheeks turned red at her scrutinising gaze and he turned to you, for help.
He looked extra adorable today, in a white button-up shirt, and faded boyfriend-fit jeans.
You laughed, pushing the pebbles at your feet, “You’re on your own, Hyun”
He sighed, turning to Yuqi, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the thrill, I just prefer to indulge in a different kind of …excitement”
“Yongbok must hate you” She laughed, “He’s obsessed with those movies. Have you two met yet?”
Your eyebrows shot up, and you saw Hyunjin stiffen.
You spoke, before he could, “Um, yeah they have”
“How did he approve of you then?” She asked, eyes wide.
“Yongbok doesn’t have to approve of anybody” You rolled your eyes.
“Yeah, yeah. You two just don’t seem like you’d get along” She told him.
Hyunjin’s expression was calm, and reserved as she said that. You realised that while you’d heard plenty of opinions from Yongbok about him, you had no idea what Hyunjin felt about him.
Hyunjin smiled, “He’s a cool guy. I’m sure if we hung out more, we’d get along”
His eyes landed on yours, and you agreed, “Yeah. I’m sure you would”
“So then what do you like? Don’t tell me you’re into that cheesy Notebook shit” Yuqi narrowed her eyes at him.
“I’m sorry I just happen to have a more refined taste than you, Yuqi” Hyunjin replied, catching you and her by surprise as she gasped. You laughed, proud of how he’d already learned to deal with her.
“Okay. I see you, Hwang Hyunjin” She hummed, smiling at him.
“These tickets should get us a popcorn and soda combo. Is there anything else you need, guys?” Yeonjun asked, squeezing his phone back into his jeans pocket.
“That sounds good” You answered, “I can go get the snacks”
“No, me and Hyunjin will go” Yeonjun smiled, looping an arm around him, “Won’t we?”
Hyunjin smiled, shy gaze falling to the floor, “Yeah, of course”
They walked to the pop-up booths, and you and Yuqi hung back, watching the crowd filter in.
“He’s sweet”
“He is, isn’t he?”
“Where did you find him?”
You laughed, “I didn’t. Hana found him. Kind of”
“Where is she, by the way?” Yuqi asked, glancing up at you.
“I haven’t seen her since the party” You shrugged.
“Ah. The party Yeonjun went to?”
“The very same” You sighed, wanting to forget the nightmare Lakehouse party, “You and Hyunjin were talking a lot last night in the water. What about?”
She waved a hand dismissively, “Oh. He was just asking me about Felix”
You turned to her, “Felix? What did Hyunjin want to know about him?”
“Just a lot of random things, it wasn’t an important conversation"
What random things?
You searched the crowd for the boys, but your gaze landed on a recognisable silhouette, walking away from you, clutching a tub of popcorn tightly in his hands.
Light blonde hair that stood out in the crowd, and he was in a leather jacket, and there was a grin on his face. You’d missed seeing that so much.
He looked so different, yet so familiar, and your heart ached in the wake of all that familiarity.
“Oh, isn’t that him right there?” Yuqi asked.
“Yeah. It is”
“Aren’t you gonna go say hi?” She laughed, confused at your somber tone.
“Um. I should. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Of course. Tell him I said hi!” She smiled.
You walked over to him and you felt nervous, but you had to have this conversation sooner, than later.
“Lix?”
He turned around at your voice, eyes widening in happy recognition.
Immediately, he smiled, his entire face lit up, “Hey. It’s been a while since I saw you”
You hadn’t seen or talked to him in what felt like forever.
“I didn’t think you’d be coming tonight”
He laughed, “Why would I not? You know how much I love Jaws”
“Right. I…remember”
“What are you doing here?” He asked, stepping closer, to hear you better over all of the crowd, and the sounds of the previews.
“I…” You trailed, point to the projector, “The movie”
“Right. The movie” He laughed, tub of caramel popcorn in his hands and Yongbok hated caramel so you wonder why he was holding it this tight.
“Are you here alone?”
“No, I came with Eunbi” He responded, gesturing to where she probably was, not that you cared for that right now.
“Oh”
He tilt his head, “Did you get the flowers, by the way?”
Your eyes widened, “You…sent me the flowers?”
He chuckled, “Did you hate them or something?”
“No. I...” You trailed off, unable to comprehend why Felix would send you flowers, of all things in the world, “I love them. They’re great...”
Was that his attempt at an apology?
“I’m glad” His eyes crinkled.
“Yuqi’s here” You blurted, wanting to not talk about this any longer, because it just made no fucking sense.
“Yuqi?” He laughed, seemingly not affected by your ignorance to his gift, “She’s back in town?”
“Yeah. She drove in last night”
“From Busan?”
“Mmh” You nodded.
“She’s still the same?”
You smiled, “Yeah. She is exactly the same”
He looked around, trying to spot the iconic red pickup truck, “So you’re here with them then?”
“Hyunjin too” You added.
Felix’s gaze changed, and he nodded, “Right. Of course”
“Yeah”
He took a step back, smiling, “I guess I should let you get back to him"
Felix looked so happy, so much like his usual self, you felt safe again and you had to ask, “What did you…want to say to me? The other night, when you texted me?”
He laughed, except it seemed forced, “Um, forget that. I was just tipsy, and I was missing you”
You recalled his texts, “No, you said you realised why you’d been acting this way. What way?”
“Well…” He tucked his hands in his pockets, and stepped even closer. Under the lanterns, his eyes sparkled in a way they hadn’t before. Was it because it had been weeks since you’d seen him this happy, or was it just that you’d never gone so long without him?
“I yelled at you, at the cabin, at the party. The one you organised, just for me”
“I remember”
He sighed, “I’m sorry about that. It was…uncalled for, and I was an asshole, for doing that to you, when all you’d been doing was trying to make sure I had a good night”
“Why are you apologising to me now? All of a sudden?”
He shrugged, “I’ve been wanting to for a while. I just couldn’t find the right time, and then earlier this week, I was actually thinking about us. About the cabin, and-”
“Felix…”
“Do you remember that summer?” He interrupted, and even though you’d spent every summer the same way, you somehow knew exactly which one he was talking about.
The summer Hana and Yeonjun started dating.
The same summer you promised Felix you’d never let anything get in between you.
How did he know that you were thinking of it too?
Was it because you and him had spent your entire lives around each other, and he knew you so well?
“Yeah. I remember” You nodded, “What about it?”
“I miss that. I’m really sorry for getting frustrated at you, and overwhelmed. I was upset because-"
“Because you what?"
He shook his head, “It wasn’t just because of Hyunjin”
“Then what?”
He sighed, “That’s not important. What matters is…I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot, and how it was probably the best one of my life. We snuck out to Jeju, do you remember that?”
“I do. Your parents got so mad”
“They did” He laughed, “Anyway, so I was thinking…we could go for a swim soon, right?”
“Why?”
He smiled, “It’s the season of the fireflies. Don’t you remember?”
Your heart crumbled at the memories.
You and Felix used to go there, every summer, to play with the lightning bugs.
Was it you that ruined everything?
Felix tilt his head at you, “You all right, Y/N?”
You swallowed, because it was time to tell him what you’d been feeling, “No. I…keep thinking about how things used to be, and I miss that”
His gaze softened, “You do?”
You had to be honest now, “Do you think too much has happened…that things can never be the way they were?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…Hana and Yeonjun will probably never talk to each other again, half of it feels like my fault”
He shook his head, insisting, “It’s not your fault. They just weren’t meant to be together”
“You believe that?”
“Yeah. When two people are meant to be, everything in the world brings them closer, not further apart”
“And…what about you and Yeonjun?”
He shrugged, a playful expression on his face, “Maybe…we can be friends again”
“Really?”
“I…honestly don’t even remember what I was mad at him for. For breaking up with her, for leaving us, it doesn’t matter”
“And…Hyunjin?”
His eyes shot up to yours, “What about Hyunjin?”
You swallowed, “You and him…do you think you can ever be friends with him again?”
He shrugged, “Does it matter? He’s…going to move back to the city, and I’m probably never going to see him again”
“Why?”
“I mean…with his job, it’s not like he’s going to be visiting every summer. So I don’t think it matters if me and Hyunjin get along or not. We’ll hardly ever meet”
You nodded, the sting of Hyunjin leaving hitting you again, but then something Minho had told you came back to you, “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, you can”
“When we were fifteen, you said you’d look for the boy from the shop, but you…never told me you found him. Why did you never tell me?”
Felix’s gaze fell to the floor, “It was..futile. It would just break your heart, Y/N”
“What do you mean?”
He stepped closer, clearly wanting to explain himself, and his voice was louder now, because the movie was beginning to play, “I didn’t want to give you false hope. When I found out who Hyunjin is, I also found out what he was doing…training in some big-shot company that would basically own his DNA if he debuted. And he did debut”
“So?”
“So…there would have been no point if you even knew his name, Y/N. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I’m sorry I lied”
Your gaze fell to the floor, because of course he made some kind of sense, it’s not like Felix was an evil person who would keep such things from you for no reason. He cared about you, and so he did what he could to protect you, even if it was wrong, “So is Eunbi your girlfriend now?”
“Where would you get that idea?”
“Seonmi told me everything”
Felix laughed, “Seonmi told you what she thinks she knows. We’re just sleeping together”
“Right. I should go-”
He stepped up to you, closing the distance between you, “You asked me if things can go back to the way they were”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you want that so badly?”
You frowned, “What…what do you mean?”
“I mean…Hana was a bitch to you ever since Yeonjun left her. You wanna go back to that?”
Your eyes narrowed, “That’s not what I meant”
“Then what did you mean? Do you even know what you want go back to?”
“Of course I know, Lix”
“No, I think you like hurting yourself. Why are you always chasing after things you can’t have? Like that art internship in the city. Like…him”
Your eyes widened, and you stepped back, sneakers skidding against the dirt, “How…how do you know about that?”
He sighed, “Is that really the most important thing right now?”
You squeezed your eyes shut, “I was here to fix things, not to fight again”
Felix let out a breath, reaching out to grab your hand, but you stepped back.
“We’re just having a conversation, Y/N, I’m sorry if it makes you feel like I’m fighting you. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is to fight you”
“Then what are you even saying?” You mumbled, “Why don’t you want things to go back to the way they were? Don’t you want us to be friends again, Yongbok?”
“No, I don’t, Y/N”
“What?” Your eyes shot to his, because you hadn’t expected him to say that, “You…don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?”
His gaze fell to the floor, and he seemed nervous, until he looked back up at you, “I don’t think this is the best place for this conversation”
“No, Yongbok, if you’re cutting me out of your life-”
His eyes landed on someone behind you, “I’m sorry. I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I’ll see you later”
“What...?” You watched him walk away, heart sinking.
“Before you say anything, I tried my best!” Hyunjin laughed, and you turned around. He stood with Yeonjun, snacks in hand, smiling wide.
“Tried your best on what?” You asked, a lump in your throat after that entire conversation.
“There were way too many candies at the stall. I didn’t even know there’s that many flavours of gummy bears” Hyunjin noted, and then extended a packet towards you, “So I got you guys a mix of them”
“Oh...thank you” You fought a smile, following them back to the truck. Yuqi had spread out all of the blankets, to make enough space for the four of you in the back.
“That’s perfect” Yuqi reached out, taking the pack of candy from Hyunjin, “A gummy bear orgy is just what we need”
“Gross” Yeonjun sniffled, climbing into the truck, crawling over to get comfortable.
You grabbed the tub of popcorn, balancing it on your lap so Hyunjin could hop into the back too. He slid in next to you, pressing you to the side, and you pulled the blanket over yourselves.
“Are you comfortable?” He glanced at you, leaning into your ear to talk because the movie had already began.
“Yeah” You manoeuvred your legs over his, entangling them. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer, and it was easier to forgot about the conversation with Felix with his arms around you.
He smiled, dimples appearing, “Warm enough?”
“Yeah” You smiled, not wanting to ruin yet another night, “Don’t worry about it”
“The movie’s starting guys, save the pillow talk for later!” Yuqi whisper-yelled, leaning over to look at you.
“Okay, okay” You laughed, bringing your knees up to your chest, letting yourself get comfortable.
“Is the opening scary?” Hyunjin whispered in your ear to not disturb the others.
“A bit”
“Man” He mumbled, sinking deeper into the blanket, and it was cute how he tried to make himself smaller, “I’m definitely going to embarrass myself tonight”
“Why?” You laughed.
“I might scream” He mumbled, as onscreen a girl went out for a late night swim, while her boyfriend stayed on the beach. You, of course, knew what was coming next.
“You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel better” You told Hyunjin, and he glanced at you, wondering if you were being serious.
“Are you making fun of me already?” He narrowed his eyes at you.
“Of course not” You smiled, reaching over to grab his hand, pulling it into your lap.
“Is the shark gonna come now?” Hyunjin tensed up, as the music in the movie got louder, and he squint his eyes, preparing himself for a jump-scare.
He squeezed the life out of your hand when the shark attached the girl. You watched with bated breath, as people in the drive-in theater started cheering, making you laugh. He was focused on the film with unparalleled focus, even though he pretended he hated it.
“You’re so fucking cute” You blurted, already feeling so much better, mid-way through the movie.
He looked at you, eyes still narrowed, “You’re enjoying my misery”
You laughed, “I am, but only because you look adorable”
He pouted, eyes wide, “Why did I want to do this again?”
“Because you’re the sweetest boy in the world” You hummed, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but you couldn’t, not here. Instead, you settled for staring at his plush lips.
It seemed like he was thinking of the same thing, because his gaze dropped to your lips, and he mumbled, “Y/N…We can’t. Not here…”
You were in public, surrounded by tons of families, and Hyunjin couldn’t engage in PDA like this, ever. After everything that was happening with Chan and Jisung, he couldn’t risk anything of this sort.
“Sorry” You bit your lip, moving back.
His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at you, “It’s fine. We just…have to be careful about this”
This. He acknowledged it, and that made you happier than you thought it would.
It wasn’t just mistakes, or built-up tension, or lust that had pulled you two together.
It was purposeful.
And you had to be careful about it now.
You felt lost in his daze, “Can I come over after this?”
“Actually. Could I come to your place instead?”
“Oh, of course”
“My place is just a mess” He laughed.
“I don’t really care. We can still go—”
“Let’s just meet at yours” He insisted.
“Of course” You settled back, a little confused.
You tried to focus on the movie, and you almost did, for a good five minutes before Hyunjin spoke up again, “It’s not that I don’t want—”
“Can you pass me the pop soda, Hyunjin? This fucking kernel is stuck in my throat, and it feels like I'm deepthro-”
“Yuqi!” You interrupted her, “Why would you put that image in my head?”
She laughed “Just give me the soda, please”
Hyunjin blinked, looking back at her, “Shit. We… forgot to get that”
Her eyes widened, disappointing flashing through, “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go get some”
She stood up, the truck creaking under the sudden weight.
Hyunjin sat up too, pushing the blanket off himself, inviting cold air onto your legs, “No, that’s okay. I’m the one who forgot. You’ll miss the movie”
She shook her head, “I’ve seen it before. I’ll come with you, I’m already up”
Hyunjin shot you a smile, “See you in a bit”
You nodded, watching them walk off, hurrying towards the food stands, so they didn’t interrupt the other cars' views.
Yeonjun bit into the leftovers popcorn, shifting closer to you, “More for us”
“You’re right” You laughed, reaching into the tub to eat some.
“Are you having a good time?” He asked.
You smiled, “Yeah. I am. How are you feeling now?”
“Yuqi’s a good distraction” He laughed, “She’s been taking care of me”
“She’s amazing”
“Can I ask why we’re here?”
“What do you mean?”
He laughed, gesturing to the drive-in theater, “I mean, you haven’t come here in ages, and then Hyunjin bugs us about doing a movie night literally the next day…even though he clearly hates the movie playing”
You stretched your feet out, “Yeah. We’re…checking off a list”
“A list?”
“Of stuff I love about Daejon. He thinks it’ll help me feel better”
“I don’t understand why you two don’t just…date” He laughed.
“It’s impossible, Jun” You bit your lip, “Especially right now”
“Yeah. I know” Yeonjun spoke, “Did he tell you what happened with Jisung? There’s going to be some big lawsuit, I heard, against the company”
“What?” Your head snapped to his, “Did he tell you that?”
“Some of my friends at work were discussing it, when I was on the video call earlier. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?”
“No…he didn’t mention that”
Yeonjun sighed, “It’s probably really shitty for him, to watch his friend go through that”
“I can’t even imagine what Jisung would be feeling” You stared at the screen, zoning out of the movie already, even though it was gearing up towards some of the iconic scenes.
“What’s taking them so long?” He wondered, “They’re missing the best parts”
You glanced around, but you couldn’t spot them anywhere, “They must be on their way. Are you missing your emotional support Yuqi?”
He rolled his eyes, “As if you aren’t missing your emotional support Hyunjin”
You laughed, “I can go check. Maybe they’re picking gummy bears again”
You made your way through the cars, as the movie continued playing in the background.
Yuqi was walking back to you, soda in her hands. Why was she alone?
You looked around the parking lot, but you couldn’t see him anywhere.
“Hey” She shot you a smile, meeting you in the middle, “I finally got it out of my throat. Man that was so uncomfortable”
You laughed, “You...are so entertaining”
“I know” She grinned, grabbing your arm to lead you to the truck, “Come on, let’s go. I miss my dumbass brother”
“But where’s Hyunjin?” You asked, stopping her.
Yuqi sipped the soda, “Oh, he was right behind me. I’m sure he’s on his way”
“But the two of you went together. Is everything okay?
She glanced at you, but her voice was too cheerful to be authentic, “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I'm sure he’s fine”
Why did it feel like she was hiding something from you?
You narrowed your eyes, “Yuqi...tell me the truth, please”
She sighed, “He said he’ll join us in a minute. He told me to go back to the truck! Why would I question him?”
“You go back to the truck. I’ll go wait for Hyunjin” You dropped your arm from her grip, walking back over to the food stands.
“Wait!” Yuqi made a noise resembling a grumble, and ran after you.
What if he got a call from the city, what if he wasn’t okay?
He wouldn’t just walk out of the movie like that.
The noise of the film carried across the entire area, and it was so loud now, the music swelling and escalating as the film geared towards another jump-scare.
Frightful and excited cheers echoed through the parking lot, and your heart was pounding, from the bass of the speakers, and from the fear of not seeing him anywhere.
Where could he have gone?
You turned the corner from the dumpling stall, looking over towards the restrooms but the line stretched long, and he wasn’t there either.
You turned around to her, “Did he seem okay?”
Yuqi was cursing, wiping her shirt, “Fuck, I spilled my soda!”
You stepped forward, voice softening, “I’ll get us tissues on the way back, but Yuqi...was Hyunjin oka-”
Then you heard him.
Towards the exit, under the huge drive-in sign, were two silhouettes.
Hyunjin and Yongbok.
You were so far away, but you could see that they were in a heated discussion, of some kind.
“Do you know what that’s about?” You asked her, a lump rising in your throat.
Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head, “No, but Hyunjin told me—”
“They’re arguing...”
“Y/N, let’s just go back” Yuqi spoke, pulling at your arm.
You’d never seen Hyunjin like this. He seemed so overwhelmed, hand over his face as Yongbok talked to him about something.
You pulled your arm away from her grip, walking over to them, and they were so engrossed that they didn’t even notice you coming.
“When the hell are you gonna tell her?” Yongbok was saying, “After you were already gone-?”
“Yongbok” Hyunjin mumbled, breathing into his hands, “Please... try to understand”
He grit his teeth, “I don’t have to understand shit, Hyunjin”
“What is going on?” You asked, but your voice came out shaky and you thought you’d cry.
What the hell were they talking about?
You felt sick to the stomach, as they turned to you, like they’d been caught...
Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “Y/N”
You stepped closer, footsteps steady despite the absolute storm brewing inside your heart, “Tell me what...? Is everything okay, Hyunjin?”
Hyunjin looked defeated, as he stepped over to you, “I need to talk to you”
»»————-
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