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doverstar · 2 months

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A handful of people have requested I expand on my epiphany that the Tenth Doctor is the Doctor lineup’s equivalent of Enamored Smurf, so here I go if you care to waste some time-

Lots of Doctor/Rose fans like to say Ten was born out of love, specifically for Rose. He is tailor-made for her; we saw that. Even in the novelized version of The Christmas Invasion, Rose suspects that the Doctor’s new face has picked up a few of her mannerisms. I want to say, firstly, that I’m not sure that it’s technically canon that Ten was made for Rose, or that if you asked the writers, they’d say that his tenth regeneration was born out of love for her. I actually can’t find anything in my limited research where that’s canon – it’s fan speculation, but it seems to be true and that’s the short version of why I think Ten is the Enamored Smurf of the Doctors. But of course I’m me so this will take longer than that.

I’ll start with this factoid – Ten has kissed every one of his official companions. That says something. Bupbupbup wait, I know, that was Cassandra on New Earth, it was just a genetic transfer on the moon, he needed a shock to eradicate the poison in 1926, etc. Okay, I know he has good reasons behind each kiss, but it says something that David Tennant’s Doctor is the Doctor that the show felt most comfortable - how do I say this kindly - auctioning off romantically. Jon Pertwee’s Doctor, Tom Baker’s, even Peter Davison’s before him – there was a much different sort of conduct with them, just in my opinion. I don’t know if the audience at the time or the writers at the time would have been quite so free with the Doctor’s romantic potential. With Tennant’s Doctor, it’s just. Everyone. All the time. Astrid, Christina, Madame de Pompadour, Joan Redfern, Queen Elizabeth. Look, Ten is not the first Doctor to be kissing companions or even almost-companions, but he’s the one that seems to do it most often, especially in the 2005 revival (and here we exclude Matt Smith’s Doctor because he came afterward and Moffat was at the helm and Moffat cannot write a male protagonist who doesn’t kiss or get kissed by every young woman breathing near him). What I’m communicating here is that there is something about the Tenth Doctor that is, by nature, very romantic. He is romance-inclined. And most fans take that to be a direct result of the way he was brought into existence. The Doctor’s ninth incarnation was killed by absorbing the Time Vortex, and the only way he could survive that process was to regenerate. How did he absorb it? He pulled it out of Rose Tyler to save her life, after she absorbed it to save his. How did he pull it out of her? He kissed her! Could he have done it in a different way? *noise in my throat for I-don’t-know* Probably. Maybe he could’ve hooked her up to something in the Tardis, or used the sickbay or even tried the Zero Room. But he didn’t; he kissed her, and it’s canon in both RTD’s words and the words of the cast and other writers that Nine kissed Rose because he wanted to kiss Rose, and because he wanted to save Rose, and he was happy to give his life for hers – and that these actions were done out of love. Romantic love explicitly, as well as the self-sacrificial type of real, true, lasting love. That was agape stuff right there. Be still my heart hooooo boy-

So Nine is dying because he sacrificed that incarnation of himself to save Rose, because he loved her. And when he changed, when he regenerated, he changed into this younger-looking, Londony puppy dog man with hair Rose obviously likes and with a clear inclination toward romance. From the first, he’s a dashing hero with ego and brains.

Suddenly the Doctor is not the war-torn, forty-something-looking Northerner that takes a tiny bit to warm up to people and doesn’t seem to think much of himself. Suddenly, the Doctor likes to wink and click his tongue, give crooked smiles and really-tight hugs, and boy does he love physical touch. The tenth is obnoxiously flirtatious, and, appearance-wise, he’s just as grin-heavy and charismatic as the men we’ve seen Rose prefer in past episodes. If we go with the long-running theory that regeneration, while definitely 80% uncontrollable, can be at least a little influenced by cause of death and the emotional inclination of the Gallifreyan who is regenerating, then the most logical explanation is what?

He is ‘born out of love’. The Tenth Doctor is almost literally fizzing with passion. Look at him. Go look at him. Is he not hand-stitched to be roguish and attractive and fun and amiable and watch out, ladies-

(Mr. Tennant you are a fabulous actor and you do the show credit and you are this generation’s Tom Baker and you are more than your eyebrows, sir, please forgive me, we love you-) Even when he is being weird, he is being charming. Even when Martha does not know why he’s throwing away his shoes, even when she has concrete proof that he is another species and not human, she still swoons when he kisses her or smiles at her or looks in her direction. (Mad Martha, charity Martha, you deserve much better!) When River calls him ‘pretty boy’, even Donna’s affirmation comes out a bit quick, and there is no chance of that relationship ever being romantic. Astrid only has to meet his eyes one time and she’s a goner. Do not get me started on Madame de Pompadour-

The Tenth Doctor is a total Casanova. He exists in a state of romantic potential, because when the Doctor changed his face into that face, it was after saving – and finally embracing – this human girl that he is objectively, canonically in love with. He is Enamored Smurf. Now, that’s actually a huge problem. Because an alien man engineered to love one person is a lovely thing - as long as he can love that person. But the issue is that he’s a Time Lord. He can’t love the Earth girl practically the way he would like to, the way that’s best. He can’t settle down with her, he can’t even marry her. He knows that. He will outlive her. So he can’t ever say I-love-you because that’s commitment, and he can’t commit to Rose because it would be dangerous and unfair, especially to her. It wouldn’t (in his opinion) lead to a happy ending for both of them, but I already beat this horse to the deadest death, he’s buried over there, shhh-

Okay. So what does he do with all that love? While he’s with Rose, it’s mostly fine. He can show her all the time that he’s absolutely gone for her without ever saying it. “Oh, she knows.” “Does it need saying?” I mean. If the constant hand-holding and hugging and disarming smiles (ah, The Stone Rose, how are you today my beloved-) didn’t say it, the REALLY INTENSE BROWN EYES BURNING HOLES IN HER FACE will say it just fine.

Only this incarnation of the Doctor isn’t just romantically-inclined. He’s also got the biggest freaking ego I have ever seen on that man, don’t look at me Six, avoid eye contact Three- He’s full of passion, as aforementioned. Everything is – wait for it – at a ten. Where are you going, come back here-

So if he’s full of passion, that means everything he feels is at its peak. When he’s angry, he’s furious. When he’s sad, he’s miserable. When he’s confused, it’s a thousand whats before we get to a proper line of dialogue. When he’s happy it’s the best smile in the universe. And when he’s in love? Do not get in the line of fire (and by that I mean the big-brown-eye-contact) or you will be struck down in your prime. The issue with being the Doctor and being born out of love, full of passion, but unable to settle down with the object of that love? The issue is that it all goes other places, too. It’s not just for Rose. The Doctor as a character has forever been, in a sense, in love with the universe. In love with the human race in particular (not romantically, yikes, but you get it). If ever there were a species he’d be most inclined to fall for romantically, it’s going to be a human being. We saw it before Rose, we’ll probably see it after Rose, though not at the same level because – well, different relationships are different relationships.

And this Doctor has a huge ego. He loves attention. He loves praise. He even loves being adored. He knows darn well Martha fancied him the whole time and he still kept her close to him, and then bragged about it to Donna later. He finds the fact that he enchanted and snogged Madame de Pompadour delightful, and funny, even though he met her first as a child and hi, he has two very-mortal human beings already traveling with him on that clockwork spaceship who he should probably not leave to be disassembled for five and a half hours. One of which is supposedly the person he is in love with and who loves him back. But I digress; that episode in particular is another horse to beat at another time. Not Arthur. A different horse. He seems to pass out attraction and affection easily, and really take pride in that, which, if I were Rose, would be incredibly unnerving when he’s so affectionate toward you but he is also flirty and loose with basically every other woman he meets as well. Hear me, Rose is not entitled to reciprocation – neither is the Doctor, actually – but it does demonstrate surprising carelessness on his part after Nine’s clear, unwavering preference and devotion toward Rose. It’s obvious they care so much about each other, it’s obviously love, but of course she wanted him to say it out loud. He gives her reason to doubt that she’s in any way special to him. But because she’s Rose, of course she decided to stay with him because he needs someone, because she loves him, regardless of how thoughtless he can sometimes be about how he may be affecting her.

(I don’t like that about Ten, personally. I don’t like the ego, or the rampant flirting, but I really dislike that carelessness. And I understand the difficulties and the complications and the layers to that romantic relationship, to Doctor/Rose, and I get that it makes for good television drama, but also – sometimes you just wanna shake him. Either say you love her, or say very clearly that it will never work out and you are refusing to commit. You can have all the best intentions in the world because you love her, but if you’re not clear with her, it’s just making things harder for her on days when you are winking at and holding hands with someone else. I can make a separate post about how I have a very bittersweet opinion on Ten and would not like to travel with him, but…eh.)

Anyway. This post is longer than I wanted. The point I am trying to make is that he is the Doctor who is, yes, the most inclined toward romance, Enamored Smurf, but also that that is not always a good thing. Being born out of love and being full of passion can be a very dangerous thing. He is not just the most inclined toward romance – he is also the Doctor who is the most inclined toward villainy. Get behind me, Moffat, no Eleven is not-

As the Doctor with the most passion, born out of love, when I say that when he’s angry he’s furious, I am talking Time Lord Victorious furious. He is at times the most imposing version of the Doctor. In fact, there’s an entire alternate multimedia canon dedicated to the idea that the Tenth Doctor specifically could one day be a villain, after making a thousand small decisions that surface-wise don’t seem so bad, but that eventually snowball into one big, bad decision. And suddenly he thinks he’s a god and we have to root against him. And that’s just one drawback. The other drawback is plainly seen after Doomsday and Journey’s End – the Tenth Doctor cannot handle losing Rose. He’s completely ruined without her. He changed every single cell in his body with an eye toward loving her, and when she is gone, it probably feels like an enormous chunk of himself is missing. It probably feels like everything is tilting sideways, just a little bit, all the time. And the fact that he lost her and never explicitly told her how he felt? He has no idea what to do with himself. He goes from bad to worse. First of all, it’s made very clear that he is okay with dying when Rose is gone. We saw that in Turn Left. He was never trying to survive anything he ever did. He was saving other people, but he would have died several times over and had zero desire for self-preservation. The man practically begged the Daleks to kill him in Manhattan, and he would have drowned (in misery and river water) if Donna hadn’t been there to tell him “You can stop now!”

He has Martha and that helps, but she leaves. He has Donna and that helps, but she has to go too. He had Rose again, just for a second, but he can’t keep her this time, and that’s the last straw. He just snaps. Then it’s all bitterness, it’s all anger, it’s all ego. And it’s all at a ten, because what is he when he’s born out of love and the woman he loves is gone? What does he do with all that passion and pain? I’ll tell you what he does. He becomes the worst, most dejected maniac in the universe. He goes from wishing he could die to stubbornly refusing to die. And when it is time to die, he tries to be sure the last human face he sees is Rose’s face.

Actually the more I’m talking about it, the more I’m thinking Ten is the saddest Doctor. At least his other incarnations tried to die as heroes. At least they didn’t get to the point where they could look at Wilfred Mott, a global treasure, and say “not remotely important”. He’s Enamored Smurf, but he can’t do what he was sort of made to do. He can’t be with Rose. He can love her by giving her the chance for a happy ending, and he can love her by showing her the universe, and he can love her by giving his life for her, but he can’t keep her. He has to be without her. He can’t settle down (why do you think John Smith was so quick to fall in love and want a future with Nurse Redfern while being unable to stop dreaming of Rose, unable to stop dreaming she kept walking away?). If there was any version of the Doctor that wanted to be human in order to be with someone he loved, it would be Ten. Because he’s born out of love. And he just can’t escape that. Like this really beautiful, wonderful plant that gets moved out of the sun and is unable to reach water, so all its fruit goes sour. He’s miserable. Oh look I made myself sad-

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companionjones · 1 year

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Demo-Dog Danger

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Fandom: Stranger Things

Summary: You’re dating Steve Harrington. At the end of season 2, you’re attacked by a demo-dog. Joyce and Hopper take you to the hospital.

Warnings: Hospitals

*******

“Hey, baby. Just do me a favor, and keep your eyes open, okay?” Steve gazed down at you cradled in his lap as you struggled to keep consciousness.

“It hurts, Stevie.” You flinched a little when one of his tears hit your cheek.

The kids, minus El, and Nancy and Jonathan stood nearby. No one knew what to do to help.

Hopper’s truck pulled out of no where, and skidded to a halt. Joyce hopped out of the passenger seat, and helped a weak El out of the back and to her friends.

Jim was already pissed as he jumped out of the car. “I thought I specifically told you guys to stay at the house?! Take El back. She needs to rest.” He stopped cold when he saw that Steve was holding someone. “What happened?”

Mike and Lucas and a few others opened their mouth to explain, but Steve beat them all to it as Hopper lifted and carried you to his car. Steve informed, “It w-was demo-dogs.”

Hopper made no argument when Steve and Joyce joined him and you in the car. The group knew very well of your relationship with Steve, and frankly, Jim needed Joyce’s company. He and Joyce had become like parents to you because your actual parents were never really around.

You fell unconscious about halfway to the hospital. You woke up when the sun started peeking through the blinds in your room. You were the only one awake. Steve, Joyce, and Hopper must’ve stayed with you through the night.

“It’s only been a few hours.” Joyce was the second awake, alerting the others. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. The doctors said you’re going to be fine after the bear attack.” She winked.

“You’re good?” Hopper asked, getting out of his chair.

You smiled weakly. “I’m good.”

“Good.” He quickly leaned down and kissed your forehead before turning for the door. “I gotta call to check if any more of the kids are gravely injured.”

“I’ll come with you,” Joyce called as she followed him, offering you a comforting smile before they exited.

With you and Steve alone, Steve sprung out of his chair to kiss you over and over again. He then left your lips to pepper kisses all over your face.

“Steve, Steve!” you weakly giggled when he took a second to stop. When he finally parted from you, you softly cupped his cheek. “I’m glad they patched you up, too.”

He took your hand on his cheek into his own hand. “Don’t worry about me. Worry about you.”

“I wouldn’t have made it if Dustin’s demo-dog hadn’t’ve saved me.”

“Hey, don’t say things like that,” Steve admonished, “Worry about yourself, don’t worry about what could’ve happened.”

“That’s a lot of criteria to follow for my worrying,” you smirked.

Steve chuckled, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make fun of the guy whose #1 priority is you.”

“What about the kids?” you teased.

Steve sighed, exasperated, “I have a lot of #1 priorities, okay?”

You laughed, despite the fact that it hurt your wounds. You were just happy you could still get on your boyfriend’s last nerve.

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I would also appreciate a comment, if you have the time. If you would like to read more, check out my masterlist. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you! <3 <3 <3

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #joe keery #companion jones #demo-dog danger

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topguncortez · 2 years

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Day 18: Let's Break the ice ➣prompt: "Just get it over with" ➣character: Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ➣warnings: cannon character death, sadness, passing out, description of injuries ➣word count: 760

|| masterlist || whumptober || whumptober masterlist || library page ||

When the call came across the radio, she felt her heart stop. She had actually begged that they take her on the rescue chopper, but they couldn’t risk sending her out and not leaving someone back at the hospital in case there was incoming trauma.

Instead, Y/N had to wait and pace the floor waiting to hear about who was hurt in the training accident. She had been working as a nurse at the hospital for nearly a month now since Maverick got his orders to come to TOPGUN. She knew Viper, he flew with her and Maverick’s dad back in Vietnam, and he had pulled some strings to get her a job on base.

Y/N knew the dangers that came along with being an aviator. Her first taste of how devastating the career could be was when she lost her dad during the same mission in which Maverick lost his. That’s what sealed the deal for her wanting to join the navy as a medic. She hated the fact that there was nothing anyone could’ve done to save her father. That he was just gone, shot out of the sky and left bleeding out in the middle of a jungle on the other side of the world. Y/N wanted to be the person to help and do what she could to save them. And if she couldn’t, she at least wanted to be able to tell their families that they didn’t die alone.

It felt like the longest wait of her life as she waited for the chopper to land. She made sure that both the ER and the OR were stocked and ready for whatever was going to come through the door. The call didn’t give a lot of specifics, reporting that there had been an accident, one pilot was critically injured and the other had severe injuries. Y/N had the team prepare for burns, fractured or missing limbs, possibly open bleeding. She was expecting the worst. . . but she wasn’t expecting to see the love of her life walking through the emergency room door.

“Maverick?” Y/N called out. He lifted his head to look at her.

“I think. . . I need to see a-” Maverick’s knees buckled and he went crashing to the ground.

— — —

Maverick’s head hurt and he was hoping whoever was shining a bright light in his eyes would stop. When he felt his eyes lids be put back down, and the soft, familiar voice he grimaced. He could hear a guy’s voice and short banter before the door opened and shut. Maverick’s eyes fluttered open and could make out the outline of her figure, leaning against the side of his bed.

“Y/N?” He called out, and Y/N looked down at him.

“Hey,” She smiled softly, “Do you want to sit up?” Maverick nodded and Y/N moved the bed up to a better position. She poured him a cup of water and handed it to him. He thanked her and took a sip, “You gave us quite a scare there. We ran a couple tests, did an EEG, as well as an MRI to check for internal x-rays. Doctor Collins said it looks like you have some bruising on your ribs, but that’s probably caused by the para-”

“Goose?” Maverick asked, stopping her rambling. Y/N bit her lip and shook her head, “Say it. Just get it over with.”

“He didn’t make it, Pete,” Y/N said softly, “He hit his head on the canopy during the ejection. It killed him instantly. He was gone before he hit the water. They sent Viper and the chaplain over to retrieve Carole and bring her here.”

Maverick’s chin wobbled as he tried to bite back tears. Y/N felt her heart break as she watched the strong man crumble in front of her. She climbed into bed next to him, and pulled him into her arms. Maverick held onto her tightly as he cried, burying his face against her chest.

Y/N rubbed his back and placed a kiss on the top of his head, feeling her own tears rolling down her cheeks. She hadn’t felt the helpless feeling in quite some time. She was usually the first on scene when an accident would take place, and did what she could to help save someone. But knowing there was nothing she could do to save Goose, brought up old feelings she thought she had gotten rid of.

#top gun #top gun fan fic #top gun fan fiction #top gun imagine #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fan fic #top gun maverick fan fiction #top gun maverick imagine #maverick imagine #maverick fan fic #maverick #maverick fan fiction #maverick x reader #Pete maverick mitchell #Pete Mitchell imagine #Pete mitchell #Pete Mitchell fan fic #Pete Mitchell fan fiction #Pete Mitchell x reader

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dragonanon · 7 months

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The funny psychological horror circus show has a fucking death grip on me, so it’S OC TIME BOIIIIII!!!

I made a whole ramble/shitpost about her earlier, but basically she’s a sweet slime girl with an inferiority complex and imposter syndrome.

Prior to entering the digital circus, Squishica was a 32 year old Intensivist at an ICU. She was confident and could be intimidating, but she treated each of her patients with kindness and warmth. She was very close with her staff members, they were like family to her as far as she was concerned, and she was fiercely protective of them all.

Despite always appearing strong and confident though, deep down Squishica struggled with feelings of inadequacy. Despite the praise and admiration she received, Squishica never felt like she deserved any of it. To her, there was ALWAYS something she could’ve done better, something that she could’ve done differently. She felt like a fraud because everyone treated her like she was perfect, but she wasn’t and it made her feel like she was deceiving everyone. She tried to combat this by always going above and beyond in her work, believing that she would only be worthy of praise if she could truly be perfect. Squish never allowed these insecurities and feelings to show, and successfully maintained the facade of a strong and confident doctor.

Upon entering the Digital Circus however, she no longer remembers her past life. Finally allowing for her “real” self, the goopy and anxious mess she always hid from everyone, to be on full display. Hence why I specifically made her slime lol

Squishica is kind and sweet to everyone, and she goes out of her way to help wherever she can but it’s often accompanied by self depreciating comments about how she’s “sorry for being a bother” or she “knows that she could’ve done better”. Poor thing just no self esteem whatsoever, but still wants to be helpful.

However when some kind of medical emergency happens, IE someone starts abstracting, she does a full 180 personality wise. All these thoughts, terminology, and feelings from her time as an ICU doctor come crashing over her. She doesn’t understand what any of it is, but suddenly she feels so calm and sure of herself, like she’s done this before and knows with certainty what needs to be done. She quite LITERALLY hardens up, and suddenly she’s the strong and commanding ICU doctor she was as a human. She quickly takes control of the situation, and immediately gets to work talking her “patient” down from the edge. She’s cool and composed, but kind and gentle as she slowly helps her “patient” stabilize. As she’s doing this, she’s COMPLETELY oblivious to the stunned awe of the rest of the crew as they watch her save someone from something they had only ever known to be impossible to come back from, all she’s focused on is her “patient” in front of her.

It’s only when her “patient” is somewhat stabilized that Squish notices everyone staring at her. Instead of commenting however, she starts barking orders at everyone like “Ragatha and Gangle, go make sure we have a hospital bed prepared for (blank); I want them admitted to the hospital for continued surveillance until further notice. Jax and Kinger, assist (blank) back to their room and help get them situated in bed prior to admission; but go slowly, we can’t risk exacerbating their condition by moving too quickly! Zooble, while (blank) is getting settled I want bloodwork done for their thyroid, liver, and kidney function. I’m most concerned about their thyroid function right now, so if the hormone levels are off, ping Dr. Drayden in endocrinology STAT! Pomni, I need a full set of vitals on (blank); please send those to me as soon as you’ve obtained them and start work on documentation a full recount of everything that happened. I will need that recount of the event to fill out necessary paperwork for the hospital. Caine, (blank) is in fragile condition right now and they could easily nosedive again; I need you to accompany (blank) back to their bed and keep watch over them as they’re being admitted. If the patient shows ANY signs of possible relapse, call a code blue IMMEDIATELY!”

She speaks with such authority and confidence, no one even stops to question her; instead everyone starts scurrying around and following her orders. It’s only when Zooble pauses for a moment while trying to locate needles and is like “Wait…We don’t even HAVE blood, do we??” That everyone recognizes what they’re doing and stops. Except for Kinger,Jax, and Caine because (blank) really did need to be taken back to their room and couldn’t be left alone.

Upon being confronted about what the heck just happened, Squish finally snaps out of it and softens back into her soft goopy self. She timidly explains that she has no clue what came over her or how she even knew any of what she was saying or doing, but it was like she somehow instinctively knew what to do.

Ragatha points out that Squish looked and sounded like a real doctor and Pomni chimes in that Squish might’ve been a doctor before coming here, to which everyone agrees is the likely scenario given how easily she handled everything. Squish on the other hand nearly melts into a puddle insisting there’s no way that could possibly be true, she’s so passive and weak! How could SHE have all people have been a doctor?? It’s just not possible!

Nevertheless she’s now the unofficial “doctor” of the circus, despite her protests that wouldn’t be able to do it, her old instincts have kicked in several times since then and each time it happens she’s just a LITTLE more convinced that maybe, JUST maybe, she really WAS a doctor and that she CAN do this.

She often gets called “Doc” or “Dr. Squish” lol.

Here are some bonus doodles for your amusement.

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc oc #my art #digital art #tadc squishica #jax primarily calls her doc after that whole event #the best part is after everything was over pomni looks at caine like ‘why did you do what she said?? you’re in charge here??’#and caine deadass like ‘well she sounded so certain in her orders that it didn’t occur to me that saying no was an option’#his coding basically made him go ‘oh there’s a doctor here. we must listen to them because they are the medical professional here.’#but also if the normally shy and meek lady now looks like a military officer and is handing out order you do what she says #because she honestly might kill you if you don’t lmao

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howtowhumpyourhiccup · 3 months

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Toughen Up

Summary: Takes place after Just a Kid and actually written AFTER Just a Kid.

After everything has happened in Forrædersk, the last thing Heather wants to be is that defenseless girl who could do nothing to save herself or her father.

Warnings: Minor mentions of violence, Injury recovery, mention of gun use

Rating: Teen and Up

Words: 878

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Pairing: Minor Dagcup

Characters: Dagur, Heather

Author's Notes: First fic that takes place after Just a Kid that I actually wrote AFTER finishing Just a Kid!

Anyway, I'm in the process of writing short multichapters that also take place between JaK and the sequel. The outline of the sequel is also being worked on.

Enjoy! :)

-XOXOX-

It was at the mall. Dagur distinctly remembers that it happened then. He gave Hiccup his favorite knife, the butterfly kind, yet somehow it has found it’s way back to him.

Or rather, it was in Heather’s possession and he just happens to have it in hand now. His sister is asleep in the car. At least for the time being, she won’t notice that it’s missing.

It’s late in the morning, the sun is warm and so Dagur parked on a dirt road to sit outside at the side, where a random picnic table waits. Never again will families or couples sit here to enjoy the view of endless fields.

The doors of the car are open on his side for if Heather were to wake up or if they need to make a quick getaway.

He flips the knife open with ease, it’s a move he’s familiarized himself with in the years since he first got it. It wasn’t bought, of course. His father wouldn’t have allowed him to. No, it was stolen and not for any particular reason other than because he could and because he wanted it. They’re bad reasons, but at least when he gave it to Hiccup for protection he did so with good intentions. Hiccup needed a way to defend himself, deserved it. And now Dagur supposes he gave it to his sister for the same reason.

A dull aching rests in his chest thinking about the boy. He misses him, his heart aching if he so much as thinks about thinking of him, and he hopes he’s on the mend. When he left him, his ankle was shattered beyond saving and hospitals have run empty of doctors and nurses. Despite this, Dagur still hopes he’s doing better than he was weeks ago.

He truly wishes he could’ve stayed, but leaving was in Hiccup’s best interest. Dagur has ruined his life enough.

But Heather… as her big brother, he owes her protection and he realizes that now. Alvin shot her and he can never let that happen again.

He twirls the knife around and then flips it closed. As soon as she’s well enough, he’ll teach her how to take care of herself.

-XOXOX-

Heather would be lying if she said that Dagur doesn’t still scare her, but he offered to help teach her how to “toughen up” and she liked the sound of that. She was helpless when Alvin shot her father, helpless to all the abuse she suffered, she couldn’t even help Hiccup. She doesn’t want to be that vulnerable ever again.

Of course, they start out with the knife.

“No, you hold it like this,” Dagur tells her as he takes the knife from her and shows her how he holds it. The handle firmly in his hand, blade out from the pinky finger instead of out the thumb and pointer finger.

“Like this you have a stronger hold on the knife and it’s less awkward to stab with,” he explains as he slashes at empty air. Real targets will have to wait a little while.

There are more ways to stab someone, of course. But for the time being, they’re focusing on one specific way.

He hands the knife back to his sister, who watches him as she accepts it. She’s still not used to this version of Dagur. He was never this patient with her in the past, anything she did growing up used to make him yell and lash out. Yet now there’s almost a rounded edge to him and she wonders where it’s coming from.

She has no idea the amount of blood it took to blunt him.

Holding the knife like he did, she swipes at the air, but only gets two in before a jolt of pain in her side makes her drop it and herself. She falls to her knees and holds the place where a compress still covers a scarring gun wound. It pulls, a sharp pain runs through her.

“Heather!” Dagur shouts and she shrinks in response. There it is, she figures. Her real brother is about to come to the surface.

Except then he kneels beside her and grabs her by the shoulders, knife forgotten. She freezes.

“Be careful!” He scolds her. “You almost died just weeks ago!”

To her surprise, he is indeed agitated, but it’s out of concern for her. Though still shaky, she feels her fear melt away a bit.

“I’m fine,” she says before she rises to her feet, hand still on her side. Dagur rises with her.

Her eyes fall on the knife lying in the grass, she forgot to pick it up as she stood. Dagur reaches for it, but she stops him.

“Wait, I’ll get it,” she says and picks it up herself. Its shape feels a little bit more familiar to her every time she holds it.

She realizes the strength it symbolizes. Hiccup was the one who gave it to her, he was strong for her when she couldn’t be. But she also knows its owner before him was Dagur and he’s showing her strength now by changing who he used to be. Just like them, she wants to be strong, she wants to find a way.

She’ll toughen up.

#httyd fics #httyd movies #rob #riders of berk #dob #defenders of berk #au #alternate universe #modern au #apocalypse au #zombie apocalypse au #zombie au #dagur the deranged #heather #the berserker siblings #my fanfics #just a kid #toughen up

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shaunabutcher · 2 years

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you guys can ignore this but i wanted to get this off my chest SO i can come back to this and see if i was close and tick any off my list when the episode actually airs in october!

here are my centenary special theories for thasmin & thirteen and other stuff to come:

1. thasmin WILL kiss, under the circumstance that yaz will possibly die. more specifically - yaz will be dying & the doctor will save her with the ‘kiss of life’

2. yaz gets left behind by the doctor

3. graham & dan will team up (leading up to a big finish spin off for them both), graham will get a few lines at best to keep the tradition of “the first face this face saw”

4. the master will plot against the doctor with the daleks and cybermen, but surely enough be on her side again before she dies (a call back to missy or the arc missy had) and we see him help her get through whatever the time lords have planned for her before it’s the last time we ever see of both regenerations

5. this one is more wishful thinking, but the identity of bel + vinder will be properly revealed and to why and where they tie in for the timeless child arc & the doctor. and we’ll find out what link bel’s pregnancy has to the story

6. we will see thirteen regenerate alone & she will regenerate back into DT. whatever happens that ‘ties’ up the timeless child arc will lead to the 60th anniversary, we will see the consequences of whatever happens in the centenary. the master and the celestial toymaker will be a huge part of this

7. another wishful thinking one and one which i very much doubt we will get, but we see a glimpse of what the doctor & yaz could’ve had if they had enough time. sort of like in the episode ‘the family of blood’ where joan redfern is shown a married life with john smith (which was actually shown by the doctor through contact)

8. ruth/fugitive!doctor will return with a MUCH bigger role. so will tecteun, we will see both of them face off. swarm and azure will be back too.

9. yaz & ace + tegan will all have a talk, comforting yaz into the possibility of life without the doctor. similiar to sarah jane/rose & jack/yaz in rotd.

10. this is a crazy one but, the master will turn yaz against the doctor. and most of the episode will show the doctor fighting for yaz’s life/soul to be returned. the master uses the doctor and yaz’s love for each other against them.

i’ll probably add more to this list as the months pass by but tiny disclaimer, these are all theories i’ve made links to by what we already know and what we’ve already seen! most of these are really general, tbh. so let me know if you guys see any of these happening.

#doctor who #thasmin #dw theories #thasmin kiss is n.1 #only bcuz of mandips enthusiasm of the kiss #centenary special #thoschei #ace #tegan #chibnall

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sporadically-writing · 2 years

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Overwatch OC Voice Lines

Character Name: Alexis Wolf

Hero Name: Wolf

Class: Damage

Country of Origin: America

Voice Description: Light but rough (Voice Claim Krystal LaPorte)

Spawn Room

Hero Selected: “Never fancied myself a hero, we’ll see...”

Hero Change: “Wolf, signing on!”

During Set Up: “Ugh, this is taking forever...”, “What are we waiting for?”, “Are we gonna get started soon... or...”

Respawn: “That hurt”, “Here we go again...”, “Rise and shine...”

Attacking

Enemy Ultimate: (Grenade Blitz) “Bombs away!”

Friendly Ultimate: (Grenade Blitz) “Watch your heads!”

Ability 1 (Chain): (Enemy) “Stay right where you are!” (Ally) “Hold still!”

Ability 2 (Bandage): “This’ll help”

Killing Enemy: “That’s enough out of you”, “Should’ve backed down”, “Next!”, “Should have kept your head down”

Killing Ana: “With all due respect, Captain.”

Killing Ashe: “I didn’t forget.”

Killing Cassidy: “Sorry, darlin’.”

Killing Genji: “Shazai no yūjin (Apolgies friend)”

Killing Hanzo: “Just because your brother forgave you doesn’t mean I have to”

Killing Mercy: “Sorry, Doc”

Killing Moira: “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time”

Killing Reaper: “Something had to be done about you. Might as well have been up to me.”

Killing Reinhardt: “With nothing but respect, big guy.”

Killing Widowmaker: “Forgive me Gerard.”

Revenge Kill: “Didn’t think I’d take that lying down did you?”

Team Kill: (Offense) “They’re down! Push forward!” (Defense) “They’re down! Regroup and get ready!”

Teammates

When Teammate Gets An Elimination: “Damn, that was a good shot. I’m impressed.”

When A Teammate is On Fire: “Get after it then”

Thanks: “Thank you”

When Mercy Damage Boosts Her: “Let’s do this, Doc”

Group Up: “I’m over here, let’s get a move on!”

Hello: “Hey.”

I Need Healing: “I could use a doctor right about now”

Under Attack: “Facing heavy fire over here!”

Interactions

*With Genji on Hanamura* Wolf: “A lot nicer than the last time I was here.” Genji: “I think things worked out, my friend.” / Genji: “Alex, I never got the chance to properly thank you.” Wolf: “You saved me quite a bit, Genji. I don’t want to hear anything about favors and thank yous.”

*With Hanzo on Hanamura* Hanzo: “You saved my brother’s life, why?” Wolf: “I just couldn’t bring myself to leave him. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”

Moira: “Wolf, what a pleasure to see you again.” Wolf: “I hate you.”

Wolf: “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.” Ashe: “If memory serves, someone had a hard time mindin’ her own business...”

Genji: “Just like old times, huh Wolf?” Wolf: *laughs* “Maybe a bit better than old times, I think.”

Wolf: “It really is good to see you again Genji, I’m glad you’ve found peace.” Genji: “I can only hope the same for you.”

*With Cassidy on Route 66* Cassidy: “Well this looks familiar.” Wolf: “Yeah, I distinctly remember getting the better of you last time we were here.” Cassidy: “Wouldn’t have it any other way darlin’.”

Wolf: “And where the hell have you been?” Cassidy: “Awww, she missed me.” Wolf: “Shut up, cowboy.”

*On a team with Roadhog and Junkrat* Wolf: “Is he always this loud?” Roadhog: “Yes.”

What She Has to Say About Maps

Eichenwalde: “I’ve heard people talk about werewolves out here. A bit far fetched if you ask me.” / “I always wondered where the big guy came from, it’s beautiful, in an old and... broken sort of way.”

Hanamura: “Despite everything, it really is beautiful here.”

Horizon Lunar Colony: “Wish Mom and Dad could’ve see this” (Telescope Line)

Rialto: “This place is far too familiar for my comfort.”

Route 66: “Yippe kay-yeah, here we go again.”

Temple of Anubis: “Maybe I shouldn’t have worn black out here...”

Watchpoint: Gibraltar: “Wow... Never thought I’d actually see this place again...”

Support Character Specific (What they would say while healing a certain character or what the Overwatch character would say while gettign healed)

Bandaging Cassidy: “Try not to get yourself killed out there...” or Cassidy being bandaged: “Aww, she still worries about me.” “Shut up and get back out there.”

#alexis wolf #overwatch oc #overwatch x reader #Overwatch #overwatch 2 #cassidy x oc #cassidy x reader

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historyandarthijinks · 1 year

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#12 History Shorts

This is Sunanda Kumariratana, a queen consort of Siam, which is now modern day Thailand. She was known as the “Wrecked Queen”. She earned her nickname due to a myth, which is now more wildly to be believed wrong due to the king’s diary depicting people having tried to save her.

In Siam, specifically during the reign of the Chakri Dynasty, it became a capital offense punishable by death to touch the queen.

The myth goes like this...

The queen consort and her daughter were on a boat when an accident occurred and both drowned. No one dared to touch the queen though to save her life, as it was punishable by death.

The myth certainly isn’t true, but there is a person in history quite deserving of such a fate who met a fairly similar

- The Soviet Dictator, Joseph Stalin

Joseph Stalin died of a massive hemorrhage stroke, however his health could’ve been both better well taken care of, and the doctors would’ve been willing to try to resuscitate him if he hadn’t already sent so many of his previous doctors to gulags.

#history myths #history shorts #royalty #kingdom of siam #siam #thai history #history

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sulcrafatejackets · 1 year

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So you climb the ladder to the very top right and you find out that it’s only a network of trash stealing from the east and everybody knows it everybody knows it and you have no shame you had no shame

I I neglected, teenage retards in America, excuse me special-needs individuals excuse me that’s not the right thing I’m trying to say people who should be more intelligent but used to be ugly. Absolutely they used me just to be ugly well Nick probably discovered something about the Middle East or specifically India, especially that transference of energy, so there is a yes there is a situation with bodily fluids and yeah so he is giving his best to everyone else in the country

Well, if I’m such a liar, why did you bring that man up?

Ashwin, I must have helped you or someone like you in a past life must be Sarah and Brandi know that I’m not telling everything I could say

If you look at the mouth of the child, you have all the answers you need, and that’s how nasty Americans are, and that’s why brandy Meador is going to have a couple of teeth pulled and it’s gonna be ugly

Our noses have begun to rust, and do you know that brandy wants that for her and her husband, she did not earn that she will never be anything just American trash

And she says that she’s going to be the current so that she can take the Thunder away from a newborn baby a baby who will grow up to be much more beautiful than she could ever dream of being that child could’ve been Angelina Jolie, but I am understanding that some medical doctors have certainly been able to reverse engineer things so now that we know how to do that we can get to the part where we save lives, but in order to do that, I would have to talk to Shana Cooksey her ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Well Shana Lynn are my two immature special-needs daughters. These are my two daughters. I think that you guys are acting a little bit childish without all the facts we had to get doctor for us because little Miss Rebecca was trying to time travel again. God how dare some people the audacity oh my God

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regenderate-fic · 1 year

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To Flee What Can't Be Fixed

Fandom: Doctor Who Ships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan Characters: Thirteenth Doctor, Yasmin Khan Rating: General Word Count: 1,192 Other Tags: Angst, Regeneration, Hurt No Comfort

Read on AO3

Summary: The Doctor is out of time.

She doesn't want Yaz to know.

NOTES: this was written pre-potd as a prediction for how yaz would leave. i came up with it like a year ago and pretty much stopped believing it after eotd but i needed to write it just in case. honestly though i didn't like how it actually ended so. i wish i'd been right!

title is from antigone but creatively translated to fit thirteen's vibe

The Doctor felt it.

The tell-tale tingling at the tips of her fingers. The seed of a burning pain radiating from just between her hearts.

She was regenerating.

Which— if she could get her brain work long enough to think about it— posed a problem.

Or—

The regeneration wasn’t the problem. It was Yaz.

Yaz wasn’t the problem either. Yaz could never be a problem.

The problem was—

Oh, she was losing her train of thought.

She was alone in the TARDIS now, but of course Yaz was just behind. They had split up to save the day. The Doctor never liked splitting up. But she always did it anyway. There were lots of things she did that she didn’t like, after all. Splitting up was one of a long list.

She was getting off track. What was the problem? Right. Yaz. Or, specifically, Yaz, and regeneration. Yaz didn’t know about regeneration. Yaz had spent years of her life with this Doctor. And the Doctor liked being this Doctor, when it came to Yaz. So—

So, she needed to figure out how not to regenerate.

Regeneration was her birthright, it turned out— not something given to her at the point of graduation from the Time Lord academy. It was infinite, inevitable. Ineffable. Her birthright, but she didn’t understand it. And, most importantly, didn’t know how to stop it.

She was out of time.

The door eased open, and Yaz stepped inside. The Doctor tried to perk up, put on her usual smile, her joy at having saved the day: mentally, she willed the golden light to retract back into her fingers. She could figure something out. She wouldn’t have to change. Surely, knowing about her origin— that would help, wouldn’t it? Give her some control over the whole thing, where she hadn’t had it before?

But— Yaz was moving slowly. Keeping her distance. The Doctor tried to focus, tried to force her dying neurons into some sort of order. Yaz looked— she looked different. Not happy. Sad, maybe? No. It was one of those other things. More complicated than sad. The Doctor— this Doctor, the dying Doctor— had never been good at reading expressions. She couldn’t get all those little nuances, all the little in-between states.

“Doctor,” Yaz said, and the words echoed in the TARDIS, or maybe they were just echoing in the Doctor’s mind. The world was starting to go fuzzy, and she blinked, reestablishing her dominance over her own perception.

“Yaz,” she managed.

“I’ve been thinking,” Yaz began, and the Doctor’s remaining neurons sent up an alarm. Thinking , at least in this context, was never a good thing. She scrambled for something to say, but she couldn’t reach it, and then she’d missed her chance. Yaz was talking again. “I think—”

There was a long pause. The Doctor struggled to hold on, to keep herself waiting for Yaz’s next words. She leaned against the console, shoved her hands deep in her pockets.

“I have to leave,” Yaz said finally. The Doctor’s hearts dropped in her chest. Whether it was from Yaz’s words or her impending regeneration, she didn’t know. Maybe it didn’t matter. She didn’t have time to think it through: Yaz was still talking. “This— traveling with you— it’s been—” She took a deep breath. “I never could’ve dreamed of anything like this. But—” There was another pause. The Doctor’s breaths were shortening, becoming shallow. She wouldn’t be able to hide for much longer.

She wasn’t sure she would have to.

“You’re brilliant,” Yaz was saying. “You really are.” She’d stepped forward, closer to the Doctor, and the Doctor tried to even out her breaths, tried to unclench her jaw. “But if I’m going to be with someone— in any sense of the word— I need someone who can talk to me.”

“I talk,” the Doctor protested. The words came out weak. She swallowed. She needed to do better, if she was going to convince Yaz she wasn’t dying.

Yaz shook her head. “You know what I mean, Doctor.”

Did she? She didn’t seem to know much of anything, right now. She made a desperate grab at the frayed edges of her memories, willing them to hold together for another moment. She— well. She had to admit, from the vague scraps of memories she was managing to snatch, that she had not always been good to Yaz. She had tried to talk— but it had felt like there was something in her throat, something stopping the words from coming out. She tried to talk now, but the thing in her throat was on fire: another painful reminder that she would not be her for very much longer.

“I’m sorry,” Yaz said. “I—” She swallowed, and the Doctor could make out blurry tears running down her face. “I’m going to miss you. A lot.”

“So don’t go,” the Doctor tried. She thought there might be tears running down her own face. It was hard to tell, with everything else she was feeling. Hard to pick apart one sensation from the next.

“I have to—” Yaz closed her eyes. “I have to take care of myself. First.”

“I can talk to you,” the Doctor offered. She nearly choked on the fire in her throat. “I can tell you everything. I can—”

“No,” Yaz said. “You can’t.” Her words rang, their finality ricocheting around the burning cavern that once had been the Doctor’s mind. “I’m sorry, Doctor.” She leaned forward, placing a single, gentle kiss against the Doctor’s lips. “I love you.”

The Doctor’s mouth hung open, the burning on her lips completely unrelated to the burning in her mind, her skin, her chest. She scrambled, trying to gather up a few more neurons, trying to push through the blaze that threatened to break out of her at any moment— but— Yaz only lingered for another second, her eyes on the Doctor’s, an impossible, invisible thread passing between them.

Yaz turned, and the thread broke. The Doctor watched, helpless, as she eased open the TARDIS door and slipped out, into the open world.

“I love you too,” she breathed, and with the breath came a cloud of golden light. She closed her eyes. Gold was all she could see, flooding her eyelids, taking her over. “Right,” she muttered, opening her eyes again. “Let’s get this over with.”

She’d been holding the energy in, stopping it from breaking away. But— there was no reason to hold it back now. She released the energy with a snap , and it flooded her in a second, overtaking her, overwhelming her. She held out her hands, watching as they overflowed with light, and then she stepped away from the console, standing unsupported at the edge of the space. The burning in her mind was spilling over, filling every part of her—

She flung out her arms, or rather, her arms flung themselves out, thrust into involuntary motion by the force of her regeneration energy. The burning intensified until it was unbearable, until it all blended together into a blaring white-gold inside her mind.

Yaz’s tear-stained face was the last thing she saw before she slipped away.

#doctor who #my fic #fanfiction #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #thasmin #thirteen x yaz #angst #hurt no comfort #regeneration

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whoslaurapalmer · 1 year

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lulu watches doctor who; the god complex, the wedding of river song 🎩

me, during the girl who waited: amy’s always been that little girl waiting in a garden the god complex: you know what, lulu? you were so right me: holy shit. i was, goddamn

and then well the wedding sure happened

-okay. wow the god complex also super fucking delivered. i tell you what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -i did my notes a week ago when i watched the episode and i just do like. vague quick things while i watch and then expand them when i type it up and i’m looking at my notes going ‘hope i hit everything i wanted to in this’

-i did not expect to be THAT RIGHT. i mean. i was just vibing. and then the god complex went ‘amy’s worst fear is literally her as a child, being left alone, waiting for the doctor, after all this time. having to wait. believing in him enough to wait, forever’ -what an EXCELLENT episode to have after the girl who waited. oh my goddddd. just. -i was perfectly willing to accept that it WAS the weeping angels, too! like! sure, that completely tracks! -BUT IT IS BEING LEFT ALONE. IT IS WAITING. SPECIFICALLY, ALWAYS, FOR ELEVEN

- “he came back. he saved me.” BOLD WORDS AFTER THE GIRL WHO WAITED, AMY -but how often do you think amy tells herself that, you know? that after it all he did come back. but after everything else, too

-the thought of like........it is fears in the rooms, countered by belief, and amy’s is. both. her fear of waiting, her belief in waiting. it’s heartbreaking. that a thing like that can be a fear as well -that something else will happen, again, to take the doctor away from her, to make her feel forgotten, to leave her behind

- “your faith in me.” - “time to stop waiting.” - :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( -my whole entire fucking heart though -and he finally calls her amy williams :( -you grow up. you leave the fairytale. you don’t always want to. but you can (-because EVERY SINGLE COMPANION has that belief, every single fucking one of them!!!!! how can you see the doctor and not believe in him???? in the best way??? in a terrible way????) -and that eleven really accepts it, too. that here he is so kind to amy, even if he has to get amy to let him go, to stop that fantastical certainty in a mad man in a box. and once she does, he is so much quieter -no more bravado, no more braggadocious confidence, no more masks, just the doctor, and amy, on an equal ground -oh back in the girl who waited when i said that eleven was trying to distance himself from amy i focused more on him trying not to hurt her anymore and left out my other thought, which is that, i mean we know eleven knows he’s going to die, and he’s trying to separate himself from amy and rory, make sure amy can exist if he’s not there -and yep! wow! big time here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -their little house. rory’s dream car. amy can have a life that doesn’t revolve around the doctor (-even joking about it. knowing he’ll do it. “amy, with regret, you’re fired.”) - “why now?” “because you’re still breathing.” is a GREAT culmination of everything so far in this season. of it all - “what’s the alternative? me standing over your grave?” me, with knowledge of how amy and rory ultimately work out in the next season: mmmmmmmmmmm well. i mean. uhhhhh. well................................. -eleven don’t speak too soon. (-yeah, okay, though!!!! yeah it is the fucking alternative!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!)

-i think, letting amy and rory go shows a maturity in the doctor, considering i was JUST saying something like “what’s his other options?? travel alone, with all that weight by himself?” with the amount of times that like. the doctor didn’t have a choice in a companion being taken away? or the doctor did make a choice about a companion that wasn’t. excellent (-journey’s end..................................) -but acknowledging out loud? that he’s dangerous? that traveling with him is dangerous? that once again amy could’ve died and it would’ve been his fault? -acknowledging to rita that he always feels responsible and tries to fix things bc it’s his fault? “why is it up to you to save us? that’s quite a god complex you have there.” “i brought them here.” (-maybe you brought the evil with youuuuuuuu~) (i just started leaving twin peaks on in the background again so expect me to push the doctor is a coop even more than i already do) -and what else would the doctor do? even when the doctor doesn’t bring people, even when they aren’t responsible for the monster of the week (which does happen) how could they not help???????? what does it make them if they don’t???? -but what does it mean when it hurts like this? -there is a great sadness and heartbreak in this choice too. that shouldn’t have to be there but it is -“i took you with me because i was vain.” oh :( -vanity is an interesting way to put it

-it IS a god complex, though. oh i brought that up in a christmas carol. that perhaps that was eleven’s version of a god complex, the rewriting of time -of course this one isn’t rewriting time, but, yknow

-the doctor in the tardis all alone is always so sad :( it’s always the doctor in the tardis after everybody else but it’s so so sad :( -like ten standing alone in partners in crime before he runs into donna again, and he talks out loud until he realizes he doesn’t have anyone to be audibly smart and clever to, and at the end of journey’s end when he leaves without donna -oh there’s midnight vibes here, too. god i love midnight -the smaller mob mentality attempt with the, mole, guy, wanting to give someone up so they’ll be left alone, as if that works at all, as if that’s right

(-boy if rose had been asked to let go of her belief in the doctor. that would not have ended well.) (-i like wondering how other companions would do in other episodes, sometimes) -speaking of rose, though -amy: so what do time lords pray to? me: ROSE

-anyway -there was a great deal of humor in this episode as well which was very nice -i love the hotel!!!! very book!denouement in a way, with the red. and yes yes very the shining -i’ve seen enough ed sullivan reruns to get the bottle of beer reference with those dummies

-oh i have “no one else dies today” marked in my notes and..........whoooooo else said that. was it also eleven? was it ten? (a little voyage of the damned-esque as well btw) (god voyage of the damned has the most christmas-y vibes if it wasn’t. you know. voyage of the damned) (oh with eleven destroying the bar too after rita dies. that hurt. the doctor allowing that much rage) -i think eleven says it bc i’ve talked about the vibes between “everybody lives” and the variations on that with nine and ten and eleven -oh but i think ten says it too!!!! in. aaaaaaaaaaaa what was it. martha’s dalek two-parter. in new york. i am typing this up before going to make dinner so i have no energy to go check the title. but i know he says it there -but i know eleven said it before as well. bc i did the emphasis on living vs the emphasis on dying, in that kind of quote

-when eleven opens his own room and goes “of course. who else?” -mmmmmmhmmmmmmmmm :’) -oh! there’s a fic out there where rose is what’s in his room, not the implication that, it’s the doctor. i think the fic is okay? it’s alright. the premise is fascinating, i think, especially in an episode that is about fear and belief

-this was such an excellent wrap up of everything so far. touched on so much. what a great episode to watch before the end of the season bc yes i skip that one guy’s episodes

-oh i will say that like. amy knows eleven’s going to die, and amy was so determined that it wouldn’t happen but that’s not really. brought up at all? at the end of the god complex? -well it gets brought up in the next one, so there’s that. okay.

-so yes! i have watched the wedding of river song before. -IMAGINE, if you will, fall 2011, 17 year old lulu, in her senior year of high school, seeing a lot of doctor who on tumblr, the guys on academic team talking about it a lot, and deciding to watch the episode, because why not???????? literally, why not. that was my thought process, as far as i remember

-one of the guys: you watched the wedding of river song without context????? me: yep. guy: i can’t even imagine it. like. you don’t even know about the silence! you don’t even know about the tesselecta! me: I STILL DON’T! BUT I WATCHED IT! thank you, brain, for unlocking more of that conversation, which is apparently still in my head somewhere, eleven years later

-i still think the anastasia memes are hilarious. i think i might’ve actually reblogged one at the time, even, or considered it -actually watching the episode made me go ‘wow! i remember none of this. all i actually do remember is the ending. huh.’

-i did have a quick scramble to read the plot of closing time though bc i saw the recap clips and i was like ‘hold on i do NOT remember some of those’ so i went to read that. got that one sorted out -200 years???????? it’s been 200 years since the god complex?????????????????????????????? -goddamn -and amy is a model now!! or!! a model for perfume!!! or!!! created the perfume???? i mean that tagline doesn’t exist without her?? okay this one’s on me for just reading about it -do i...........think that tracks, for amy. i really don’t know. i mean the only other job we know amy has held is, kissogram

-all in all the wedding of river song was.................................................................................well that was a thing that happened too, honestly -it..........................................happened......................................

-there’s a lot of.........back and forth on rewriting time in this, which i thought was, interesting -is it worth it? there are consequences and you disintegrate time, but does that matter in the face of why you did it? does it work out? is it selfish or is it right? but do you have to die? is there really another way? why can’t there be? why not? -like there’s an equal emphasis on IT’S NOT OKAY and IT WORKED OUT THOUGH -an equal weight to.......... “before i go, i’d like to know why i have to die.” and “i have to die.”

-all of time is at his fingertips!!!! it is endless for him!! he could save the dodo!! “i could help rose tyler with her homework! i could go to all jack’s stag parties in one night!” -hi i miss them 💔 (-well i miss the concept of jack. not necessarily barrowman) (-that’s what you say about rose, though?)

-eleven runs from his death too (i mean, 200 years!), but he also pushes his death a lot too, as a thing he knows must happen, and again goes back and forth on it a lot. it should happen. he’s trying to convince river it needs to happen. time is not endless, even for the doctor, and time stops, eventually, and you can’t run anymore. (the brigadier my beloved 💔 that THAT’S what happens that makes him go ‘oh.’ 💔) (-okay but after all this time!!!!! the doctor still thinks about him!!! he still wanted him there!!!!!! he wanted the brigadier!!!! he wanted to see him!!!!!!!!!) (-i love the brigadier so fucking much)

-wait but shit that’s just so river can go back and not kill him. is that not really the only reason eleven is pushing it here? ultimately?? -it’s not even really eleven struggling with the mortality of the doctor, of what he’s done, of ten wanting to stop and of eleven possibly ready to end, like a story finally being over -it’s just, time to go not die ~ -and of course that’s not terrible!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s just..........idk -as always. there’s a lot rolling around in here. about death and everything. at all times in doctor who it simultaneously matters so much and doesn’t even matter at all ever and couldn’t ever matter - “i have to die. i don’t have to die alone.” bc he’s not even actually going to go fucking die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - “i can’t let you die without knowing you are loved.” -i mean no i don’t want him to go die either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t know!!!!! -i just feel like the presentation of it all is too jumbled and too back and forth to amount to anything truly meaningful!!!!! -and then it’s about being saved by yourself! being saved by other people! your life mattering! -and of course it’s supposed to matter! but i just feel like the execution of it all is so????? i don’t know -so then is it just only about getting back to rewrite time? or is it about the genuine understanding that your life as it is has meaning, and river and amy destroying time to save him because they love him is what matters? and that eleven would do it to save himself too, because he does matter? (which ten wound up getting a lot of, and i don’t know what i want to see of that, with eleven, here, because this episode just. flew off in a million directions!) -is it all those things???????? do any of them really pan out successfully here?????????????????? -DID THEY NEED TO EVEN GET MARRIED??????????????????????????????????????????

(-eleven got his own tinkerbell jesus moment too, honestly, with river talking about the voices of all the people who don’t want to see him die -and he’s got a jesus vibe as churchill’s soothsayer)

-back in forest of the dead -- ten: time can be rewritten. river: don’t you dare. HERE -- river: time can be rewritten! eleven: don’t you dare. i think we almost had a moment here but i don’t know where it went

-and it.............is and it isn’t about eleven choosing to die and what that means, as well! like some of it is but the rest of it is very much, the silence want him dead! - “you’re a man with a long and dangerous past, but your future is infinitely more terrifying.” it is!!! :) -for everybody, though!!! including the doctor! in terrible but wonderful ways!!!!!! -i don’t know. there’s so much going on here

-i guess i just think it could’ve all been handled differently or folded together differently. like if this episode was not so all over the place and rushed maybe it would’ve made more sense. it could’ve hit the beats in a better way. of mattering, of living -of what death even MEANS here! -and we got a lot of this in last season’s finale, too! with this potential of eleven dying, of a story ending. and it not happening. -it doesn’t MEAN anything anymore! -uggggggg

-i DO wonder when moffat wrote this vs when he wrote, maybe not the last episode of s2 of bbc sherlock but the one after. the s3 opener where sherlock comes back. bc they’re a lot of the same vibes, you know? how do you fake your death. how do you get out of it when someone else wants you to die and plans it in a way that you cannot get out of. but you do wind up getting out (-and then, that last ep of s2 wouldn’t even air until......spring 2012, was it? and then s3 wasn’t until.......jan 2013? that’s honestly a bigger stretch of time than i remember, huh) (like i mean in terms of. moffat doing the same sort of vibe and it turning out very ‘??????????’ both times) -at least in doctor who we actually get a how it happened. isn’t it just not ever really explained in bbc sherlock????? -confession. i tapped out of bbc sherlock after the s3 opener. had college things on the brain taking up space, didn’t super care for the episode, stopped caring overall for the show

-moffat i want to know so much more about what makes a still moment in time. what makes a still moment possibly a fixed moment -is it still because of the potential? because river has been in the lake, for this indeterminable period of time, and that’s when it becomes fixed? -literally begging someone anyone a writer a showrunner to give me a fixed point in time that does NOT revolve around death. i know the whole point i know that’s WHY they are fixed points bc death is death but just once i think it would be fun to have a fixed point that is NOT death. -like..........something happy. someone making a choice they don’t want to take back. they wouldn’t have it any other way -...................................................i wanted to say ‘boy this could’ve been fun with amy.’ but honestly. is that not sort of what happens, ultimately, only also in like a terrible not quite exactly what i’m talking about way bc weeping angels. -i’m tired

-okay. so. time-wise -so we’re........................back to the beginning of the season. i’m. hold on my brain could not parse this last night and today!me is going ‘does it matter????? well you made notes about it.’ -i mean look on the whole too this episode is VERY jumpy. very back and forth. very all over the place. so much is happening!!!!!!!!!!! -i liked that river breaking time had consequences we all know i love consequences -but i’m exhausted of the ‘amy has forgotten about rory’ thing. ‘amy pond’ i know it’s an alt universe but it’s just such a backtracking from how important it was that eleven called her once and for real amy williams (-the silence saying “die one last time and know she will never come back for you.” was a big thing though. like that was something. bc there’s........god rory is a whole other story at all fucking times -sometimes literally!!!!! -rory....waits for amy in a similar but different way than amy waits for eleven. i got into this a little last time too sort of -just this constant. like......... -they wind up together anyway. they matter to each other enough that amy and rory always find their way back together but i’m just like exhausted of it all. it feels cheap now idk)

-but anyway so like. the amy and the rory we see here. like, when we get the recap shots and the first time we see lake silencio happen. they haven’t. experienced this season -bc this was the start of the season. everything they do from that point on, was the rest of the season, so there’s no........way that an amy and rory who have just come from the god complex can be at lake silenco. bc we started. at lake silencio. so the ones we see. are from before anything happened -so then when time breaks, there, they don’t........go on to experience the season as we just saw it. bc the alt universe happens bc of river -but then bc of time getting rewritten left and right yet again! does the season we just saw still go on to have happened?????????? -i’m. by god sometimes i just hate time shenanigans. i hate it so much. i hate trying to wrap my head around what did and didn’t happen -SO MUST AMY, QUITE FRANKLY, I MEAN -- - “but i can remember it, so it happened, so i did it.” about killing madame kovarian -that part was good. you remember it, it still happened, somewhere, like rory remembering hundreds of years as the centurion -amy must have so many different timelines living in her head sometimes

- “you’ll still save me though. because he would.” -nope :) amy would not :) thumbs up amy :) -you know what, i think it’s debatable that eleven would, too.

-so everyone else thinks he’s dead now! - “i got too big, too noisy.” well i agree with you there -will i see repercussions of ‘everyone else thinks he’s dead now’. well that’s a 50/50 chance

-i wish there had been...........some scene with amy and rory and eleven at the end...................................... -like how they’re going to interact going forward???????? you know?????????????

-anyway this episode was a mess but he’s alive and that’s all that really matters i guess. not that it actually could’ve ever gone another way. -and it’s like......is it an early commentary on.........doctor who as a show as an entity potentially ending, bc eleven would’ve conceivably been the last regeneration, the emphasis that it means too much, to have an actual end, that it couldn’t be given up

-AND I CANNOT FORGET TO TALK ABOUT THE QUESTION -i know......sort of how the question resolves itself out, but i’m wondering now if...........moffat’s emphasis on the importance of the doctor’s name becomes something he himself subverts, by making the doctor the name that is more important, or if it’s something that just becomes a let down after all that emphasis he did put on it mattering so much -idk. shrug emoji. we’ll get there i guess

-well overall i liked this season a lot, favorites were: the doctor’s wife, the rebel flesh/the almost people, the girl who waited, the god complex -but i think moffat’s finales are somehow even messier than rtd’s. rtd’s were like ‘i mean i GUESS????????.’ and moffat’s are a lot of everything jammed together at once and i’m ‘????’ -sigh.

-anyway! christmas special time once again ~

#lulu talks about doctor who

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ragingbookdragon · 3 years

Text

The Secrets Best Left In The Dark

Batsis x Batfamily One-Shot

Word Count: 4K Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Death

Author's Note: I thrive on angst, so I have no apologies for y'all. Enjoy! -Thorne

They’d never claim their eldest sibling was cowardly. Far from it, she put her life on the line every day, in and out of the suit, defending those she cared for with a strength that they’d never seen in anyone. But while everyone in their family was typically hot-tempered and ready for a beatdown, she was calm and quiet. Always kind, and never letting anger, or any type of other emotion show besides pleasantness. For a while, they merely assumed she was the doormat type, simply on the basis that she never argued with their dad over anything—the whole “It’s my way or the highway” and his way was what she always went with—and that made her seem like an alien surrounded by humans because everyone argued with Bruce. That, and the fact that whenever she got into the rare fight during patrol, she’d never hit anybody. She was trained to take down multiple combatants and not once did she ever punch, hit, or kick a single person.

It was practically abnormal to be in the Batfamily and never lay a hand on a criminal, and yet that was what their sister did. Hardly ever did she use force to get what she wanted, always relying on stealth. Even on the minute cases when she got caught in an infiltration and had to fight her way out, she used electrified gauntlets to subdue them, rarely coming to blows. So, in a sense while everyone in her family was an aggressive fighter, she was a defensive—or perhaps a passive one—and that’s how she acted in life too. Always passive by nature, but always playing the peacekeeper between brothers and between fathers and sons.

They never knew why she was such a way, from the stories that Diana and Clark used to tell, back when it was just their sister and Bruce, she was a whirlwind that got into fights with anything that dared breathe in her direction—apparently, she made her angriest siblings look like mice. But no matter how many times they pried or even asked Bruce (apparently, he didn’t know what changed either—and this was coming from the World’s Greatest Detective), she never talked about it, simply saying that she grew out of always being angry and wanted to be calmer.

They suspected she held a dark secret—but no one could’ve prepared for just how dark and damaging it had been to her all these years.

***

In hindsight, taking a trip into Scarecrow’s lab was a bad idea, but when the offer had come up in the cave from her father, (Y/N) was happy to lend a hand, knowing that with his recent injury, he wouldn’t’ve been able to get out there during the night. It was also amazing, in the twenty-seven years she’d been alive, and in the past nineteen years that she’d been a vigilante, she’d never seen her father take a break—she could count on one hand how many times he had, and even then, he was still working in the cave, so technically it wasn’t a break.

But after tangling with Bane and Croc, he’d broken a few ribs and after repeated complaints and worries from her, his sons, and Alfred, Bruce finally agreed to let his children handle patrol. Which is why when the quadrants of the city were split up between Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian, it left (Y/N) to pick up specific places that Bruce wanted checked out—she warmly agreed to do so. And while she was confident in her abilities to do everything, he asked of her, she should’ve called for backup when it came to infiltrating Scarecrow’s hideout.

***

Another vent went off above her and she ducked, eyes narrowing as she watched the orange fog, appearing blue through her detective mode, drift out. She would’ve sprayed it, but she’d used up all of her explosive gel covering the others. Now she simply had to avoid them and hope that her gas mask filtered properly—so far, it was. A shrill laugh echoed through the speakers above her, and shivers went down her spine.

Anytime now, Batgirl. You will fall too.

She frowned. “I’m not afraid of you, Doctor Crane.” Ducking under another pipe, she added, “I can help you if you’ll let me.”

Help me? Help…ME? You can’t even help YOURSELF!

Scarecrow had always been a talker, much like the majority of the villains they faced, and he was looking for a rise. She came to the end of the corridor where the pipes met a brick wall and she sighed, searching for a way through. A vent covered the top right corner and she pulled out the grapple gun, pointing it at the grate. She pressed the trigger and it latched onto the metal bars; grasping the cord, she yanked as hard as she could, stepping backwards when it fell, hitting the ground with a clang.

(Y/N) heaved herself up into the vent and crawled on her hands and knees, as quietly as she could, twisting and turning through the maze of confined metal. When she came to the end, another grate covered the exit and she pressed her foot against it, pushing until the bolts popped loose and she could slip out.

From the looks of it, if the advanced chemistry equipment were any help, she’d ended up in Scarecrow’s lab. He wasn’t in sight, but that gave her time to look around and see if he’d changed any formulas recently. She raised her wrist and tapped at the blue screen, taking a moment to run a program. When it beeped, (Y/N) sighed in relief and reached up, pulling the gas mask off—the air was clean.

She set the mask down on the counter and put a finger to her ear. “Batman, do you read me?” His voice came through a moment later.

“I read you Batgirl. Loud and clear.”

“I’m in Doctor Crane’s lab,” she said, poking around at the notes he’d scrawled out. “I don’t see anything new. The formulas all look the same.”

“Compounds?”

She frowned and read. “Honestly, it’s a bit hard to decipher. His handwriting is a lot like Red’s when he’s had one too many energy drinks.” A quiet huff came from over the line, telling her that he was amused. “I’ll send you pictures of it and see if you can.” (Y/N) snapped a few photos. “Get ‘em?”

“Just now,” he replied, and she walked over to one of the lit Bunsen burners.

“Looks like he’s got something brewing right now though,” (Y/N) leaned over and peered into it, careful to avoid any steam that was rising.

“Recognize it?”

She paused. “It’s not the usual stuff he’s got. It looks almost golden and—”

All at once the dish exploded and she had just enough time to cover her face from the shattering glass, letting out a gasp as she recoiled.

“Batgirl, what happened?”

(Y/N) coughed and waved a hand, and when her hand appeared double, she breathed out in shock. “Oh no,” she whispered.

“Batgirl, report.” She hurried to the exit of the lab as Scarecrow’s cackle sounded overhead.

“I’ve been hit with a blast of toxin.” Pulling open the door, she fumbled with her utility belt then let out a sigh.

“What’s wrong?”

(Y/N) shook her head and weaved down the corridors, the faster she got to her bike, the faster she could get back to the cave.

“I don’t have any anti-toxin on me.” She pushed against the doors and stumbled out into the cold and rainy night. Her mind was already beginning to fog over as she climbed onto her bike, and she barely had enough focus to keep it steady while she programmed it to auto-drive.

“I’m sending one of the boys to you.”

She grunted and lifted her foot as the bike revved and shot forward. “Don’t. I’ve already programmed the bike to the cave’s coordinates. I’ll be back in less than fifteen minutes.”

“You won’t make it that long.”

(Y/N) groaned as the lights began to flash around her and she saw faces and images passing her. “I just have to…focus.”

Horns blared around her as the bike weaved in and out of cars and she held onto the frame with all the strength she had. His voice started echoing in her ears and she shut her eyes, trying to block it out.

You could’ve saved me.

Another groan escaped her, and she heard, “(Y/N), talk to me.”

She shook her head. “I can’t—I have to—focus now.” But with every passing second, his voice got louder and more insistent.

You let me die. You watched me die.

(Y/N)’s eyes filled with tears and they dripped down her cheeks. I tried to save you. she thought, hoping it would suffice, but she knew it wouldn’t. I tried so hard to. The last thing she remembered was turning onto the street that led to the cave.

***

Bruce was already pushing away from the Batcomputer when the boys arrived back at the cave, Dick and Damian from the Batmobile, and Tim and Jason from their own rides. Knowing that their father wasn’t one to sit around, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to be moving, but with how quick and worried his movements seemed, they knew something was wrong.

Dick pulled the cowl away from his face and asked, “B? What’s wrong?”

Bruce didn’t respond at first, hurrying towards the medical station they had. “Your sister was dosed with fear toxin and she doesn’t have anti-toxin to counteract it.”

Jason, who’d already taken his hood off, was already in the process of putting it back on. “Let one of us take it to her.”

Their father shook his head, rummaging for an antidote. “She’s coming back here.”

“Here?” Tim repeated, striding over. “Fear toxin works within seconds on normal people, minutes for us.” He looked at his brothers. “She won’t have enough time to get back here and not be under the effects.”

Bruce nodded, focusing as he poured a vial of glowing green liquid into the needle gun. “I know.” He looked at Tim. “That’s why I’m getting it ready for her.”

“Father, can we do anything?” Damian questioned, pulling away the domino mask from his eyes.

“Get ready to be on the defensive if she’s offensive,” he replied. “I don’t think she’ll hit anybody, but you never know.”

“She can’t hit that hard. (Y/N) only weighs—” Jason cut off as the rev of an engine cut though the air and they turned to see their eldest sister coming in on a sleek black motorcycle, that was shaking badly.

“(Y/N)!” Dick yelled and the bike suddenly shifted and toppled sideways, throwing her from it. It slid across the cave floor in a hail of sparks, metal, and plastic flying in every direction as (Y/N) rolled too.

They started running towards her, hoping to stop her when her back collided with one of the glass cases that held their suits, and she went limp.

Bruce reached her first, and knelt down, setting the antidote aside to check her first. The way she hit the case and with how hard, it was possible that she could be seriously injured—or worse.

“(Y/N)!” he called, hands coming to pull her away from the case. She whimpered and he let out a sigh—she was still alive. “(Y/N), can you hear me?” he inquired, reaching up to pull the cowl from her face.

Her brothers crowded behind him and they all stared in horror as tears streamed down her cheeks, and blood out of her nose.

“I’m sorry,” she bawled. “I tried to save you.” Bruce looked at her then grabbed the needle gun, bringing it up to her neck.

“Hang on, (Y/N). You’re gonna be okay.”

She grabbed his hand and cried, “I held on as long as I could, but my grip was slipping. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold onto you. I’m sorry I let you go. I let you die. I’m sor—” her sobs cut her off as she curled in on herself, and as if finally snapping out of a trance, Bruce pulled his hand from her grip and pulled the trigger of the gun.

(Y/N) jerked as the needle entered her skin and they watched the neon green liquid in the vial emptied. She fell into whimpers and mumbles of “I’m sorry” before her eyes rolled back and she collapsed in Bruce’s arms.

He stared at her for a second, feeling numb at his daughter’s admissions. Whatever her fear had been, it’d been there a long time, and he had no idea what it was about. Sighing heavily, he drew his eyes to his sons, to Jason.

“Will you take (Y/N) to her bedroom while I get an IV ready?”

Jason nodded and bent down, picking up his unconscious sister. He tucked her head in the crook of his neck and looked at Dick. “Get the doors, yeah?” Dick nodded and hurried ahead of him, while Tim and Damian followed in suit.

Bruce was left alone in a matter of moments, and all he could do was rise to his feet and ready the medical supplies, all the while, thinking back on every night that (Y/N) had gone on patrol in the last nineteen years—and the last time someone died in front of her.

***

Her head felt like an overripe melon ready to burst, and that first moment of cracking her eyes open was the biggest mistake since she told her dad what ‘Thot’ meant. The second she opened them, she shut them once more, inhaling deeply through her nose as the fog started to clear from her mind.

“Queenie, hey, you’re awake,” Jason murmured, and she nodded, blinking a few times before his face came into focus, Dick appearing Tim appearing behind him.

“Go get dad,” Dick said to someone, and she figured it was Damian since neither Jason nor Tim moved.

(Y/N) started shifting, trying to sit up when Dick put his hand on her shoulder, gentle, but firm as he said, “Don’t try to move, Barbie.”

“Where’s dad?” she asked, craning her neck to see.

“Damian’s going to get him sis,” Tim answered, smoothing out the blanket covering her. “Just relax. You took a beating when you came into the cave.”

“I did?” she questioned, eyes widening in shock when they nodded, faces pinched with worry.

The ceiling light turned on just bright enough to give sight and they looked at Bruce who was coming in, Damian following.

“(Y/N),” Dick moved, letting Bruce take his spot, and he took her hand in his, running his thumb over the back of her hand. “You had us all worried.”

She frowned and exhaled heavily. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” She gazed between them, and something in their eyes made an emotion she couldn’t describe rise in her chest.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?” (Y/N) met Bruce’s eyes. “What happened?” Before he could answer, she gasped and looked at her brothers. “I didn’t hurt anyone, did I?”

A chorus of hurried, “No’s!” rang out and she sighed in relief, reclining back on the pillows.

“Oh, thank goodness.” She went silent, then started, “But…something did happen, didn’t it?”

Her brothers glanced between themselves then they looked at Bruce who sighed and squeezed her hand, drawing her attention to him.

“What?” she asked and when he said nothing, she repeated, “Dad, what?”

His steel blue eyes met hers and he murmured, “You were apologizing for…letting someone die.”

Whatever had flashed in her eyes that told them she knew exactly what they were talking about was shocking enough because Jason said, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t wanna, Queenie.”

(Y/N) fell silent for a full minute and when she spoke again, her voice was quiet and the look in her eyes was far away. “Before Dick came to the manor it was just you and I patrolling Gotham. At eight, I wasn’t really let out of your sight, but one night I had wandered off while you were dealing with Two-Face.” She looked at Bruce. “I found an injured GCPD officer on a bridge. He had been tailing Killer Croc.”

She glanced at Tim. “His name was Grady Richards.”

Tim’s eyes fell to the tablet in his hands, and he tapped at the screen for a few moments, then read, “Hero cop Grady Richards honored after dying in line of duty. He fell off a broken bridge on Miagani Island.”

Bruce’s eyes found hers again. “He didn’t fall, did he?”

(Y/N) felt tears grow in her vision and she shook her head. “No…no he didn’t.” Inhaling deeply, she recounted, “Croc came back and there was no way either of us could’ve taken him, so we ran. And Croc chased us.” She shut her eyes, remembering the night.

***

Fear pulsed through her veins as she sprinted as far away from the overgrown crocodile as she could. The GCPD officer was ahead of her, but he stopped and spun around to see her.

“Hurry!” he yelled, pointing back to the car. “Get to the cruiser!”

She spared a glance over her shoulder, eyes going wide when she saw Killer Croc picking up one of the concrete guards.

“Duck!” was all she heard, and she hit the ground, watching as if in slow motion as it flew overhead, then smashed into the top of the cop’s car, glass and metal shattering under the pressure.

Someone grabbed her by the back of her suit and hauled her up, slinging her behind them, and the back of the GCPD officer’s uniform came into view.

“Start running, Batgirl! And don’t stop!” he yelled, and when he has his sidearm drawn, he looked down at her. “You’ve got as much time as I have bullets.” He turned, opening fire, and she took a moment to stare before scrambling to her feet to start running.

A cry of pain sounded behind her, and against her better judgement, she turned and looked, gaping as Croc’s arm sent the officer flying. He hit the guardrail and collapsed against it and her feet were moving before she could stop them.

The first punch went to the back of Croc’s knee and she knew it had to have hurt her more than it did him because he didn’t even flinch. But when those glowing yellow eyes peered down at her, she knew she was in trouble.

“Looks like I’ve got an appetizer for the night!” he laughed and reached for her, but she ducked and rolled out of his way, standing in front of the wounded GCPD officer, who weakly looked up at her.

“What are you—doing? I told you…to run.”

She couldn’t beat Killer Croc, and she knew it, but she shook her head and stared down the villain before her.

Croc’s attacks were wide and though she was small, she was pushed to her limit rolling and dodging every one. After a few moments, she was practically dead on her feet, huffing as her lungs begged for air. She kept wiping away the rain that splattered against her mask and on a particularly unlucky step, she found herself slipping.

And it was all the opening that Croc needed because he swiped at her and she flew backwards into the officer who’d managed to stand, just barely. Colliding with him tipped his balance and they went over the guardrail, barreling towards the ground.

She reached out as fast as she could and grabbed hold of the metal beam that ran the length of the under bridge, crying out in pain as it pulled the joints and bones. Her other hand gripped the officer’s and she held on tight. Croc leaned over the bridge, apparently not seeing them because his footsteps went off in the opposite direction, leaving them in silence.

Time passed and she wasn’t sure how long, but both her arms were getting tired, and she looked down at the officer.

“Sir?” she called, and he looked up at her. “You have to climb. I’m starting to lose grip.”

He tried to reach up but let out a cry and grabbed his side with his free hand. Pulling his hand away, she saw the crimson dilute with rainwater.

The hand that held the ledge began to cramp and she started hyperventilating. “Please, you need to hurry! I can’t hold on much longer!” Again, he tried, and she looked down at him as her fingers began to shake.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered and let go of his hand, and the last thing she saw until he hit the ground was the sight of his eyes, wide with fear and pleading.

***

“I watched his head explode when he hit the ground,” she said, tears pouring down her cheeks as she stared out the window, watching the rain hit against the glass. “I had to make a choice. Either both of us died or one of us lived.” (Y/N) looked at Bruce. “And I chose my life over his.”

No one could believe their ears at the story she’d told, but suddenly, the self-sacrificing attitude their sister had, the way she’d bend over backwards for anyone, made perfect sense—she did it out of atonement, for a wrong she carried since she was eight years old.

“I pulled myself back up onto the bridge and I ran as far as I could and didn’t look back,” she said. “I kept my mouth shut when the paper ran his story and never told anyone about it.”

(Y/N)’s breath shuddered. “I just pushed it down as far inside me as I could and tried to forget about it.” Her eyes met Bruce and she tearfully stated, “But every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face.”

He leaned forward and took her hand. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly, dark brows furrowed in hurt.

She swallowed thickly and shook her head as she replied, “I killed someone that night. I was terrified about what you would’ve said. About what you would’ve done.” He gazed at her and (Y/N) whispered, “I’m sorry, dad.”

Bruce dropped her gaze and took a deep breath before murmuring, “It was just an accident, (Y/N).”

“I let go of—”

“I would’ve been more upset having to bury my daughter,” he interrupted, and she fell silent, gaping at him. He searched her face and reached up, placing a hand on her cheek. “I understand why you kept this secret, but you should’ve come to me, (Y/N).” Shaking his head, he added, “You didn’t deserve to be buried under this for nineteen years.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, lowering her head and Bruce shook his head in response.

“No, I’m sorry.” When she met his eye, he continued, “I’m sorry I didn’t know you were carrying this. Then and now.”

(Y/N) swallowed and rested back against the bed. “I send his widow money on the anniversary of his death. I slip it into the pension she’s given.” She let out a sigh. “It’s the only way I’ve found that I could sleep at night.”

Her eyes drifted to the window and Bruce placed a kiss to her forehead. “Get some sleep, sweetheart.” She nodded and before he left, he said, “And when you feel up for it, we’ll see about setting up a fund in his name.”

She wished it didn’t make her as emotional as it did, but silent tears dripped down her cheeks as the door closed, leaving her and her brothers alone. They gathered on her bed, leaning close to offer their support, and she was thankful for them doing so. And for the first time in nineteen years, when (Y/N) closed her eyes, she didn’t see Grady Richards’ face.

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el-im · 3 years

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ok no one cares but i am once again thinking about how andrew j. robinson’s writing in a stitch in time fundamentally changed the the way i’ve come to view garak and how i interpret the “Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?” / "My dear Doctor, they're all true." / "Even the lies?" / "Especially the lies.” interaction from the wire (which initially i was very thrown off by). by suggesting that the stories garak fabricates are indicative of how he chooses to define himself, i think the stories from the wire serve specifically to illustrate what garak most covets/coveted in life, and that they contain elements of the circumstances/relationships/motivations/etc. that garak never had, or were beyond his reach. by making up these particular circumstances, garak is juxtaposing his words against the actuality of his life, and by that comparison his lies demonstrate the truth of his relationship with tain, his work in the obsidian order, and his personal convictions...

Story 1: “During the occupation, I was a Gul in the Cardassian Mechanised Infantry. We were stationed just outside the Bajoran Capital. Shortly before the withdrawal, a handful of Bajoran prisoners escaped from my custody. My aide, a man named Elim, tracked them to a Cardassian shuttle about to depart for Terok Nor. Elim got aboard, but the captain refused to let him search the ship, because he claimed he was under strict orders from Gul Dukat to depart immediately. So I had the shuttle destroyed, killing the escapees, Elim, and ninety seven Cardassian civilians... I followed my orders. None of those prisoners escaped off of Bajor alive. Unfortunately as it turned out, one of the passengers on the shuttle was the daughter of a prominent military official. I was stripped of my rank and commission, and exiled from Cardassia.”

-> what i get from this one is that garak wants a) companionship (in this “aide”, elim), b) authority (in my mind, this is more of a past item of desire. in his youth in the obsidian order, he wanted to emulate tain, and was indoctrinated to think that power should be sought after above all else, and not relinquished), and c) ruthlessness. the crowning jewel of tain’s service as the head of the obsidian order, garak grew up with detachment and brutality being demonstrated as the guiding principle of leadership, command, delegation... the funny thing about all these garak episodes, and which I am glad to see that the fandom so readily picked up on (see one of my favorite posts: “i don’t understand why ds9 fandom casts garak as some sort of suave oscar wilde daddy dom when he’s clearly the kind of older man who gets trashed at a casino at 3pm on thursdays and tips dabo boys extra to hold him while he cries”) is that for all his posturing, for all his discussion about the difference between cardassian principles and “federation dogma”, for all we actually, genuinely learn about what garak did during his time in the obsidian order (for all interested in garak’s life pre-terok nor/ds9, please take this free link and read a stitch in time it’s one of like... two trek novels i’d ever recommend and is so good i promise <3), for all we learn about what he did after (the assassination of senator vreenak “in in the pale moonlight”), garak still doesn’t... come off as hardened, or unfeeling. he repeatedly demonstrates a willingness to put himself in harm's way to save the people he cares about (most notably, bashir/martok during their time in the jem hadar prison, but even once going to cardassia to save kira, who detests/detested him (depending on if you believe their relationship changed over the course of the show) and risking arrest/execution by returning to cardassia during his exile). for all his pretending otherwise (from second skin: GARAK: “I have no intention of sacrificing my life to save yours. If it looks like we're in danger of being captured... if there are any signs of trouble at all... you're on your own. SISKO: Mister Garak, I believe that's the first completely honest thing you've ever said to me.”), Garak isn’t selfish, or at the least isn’t constantly, predictably selfish. He’s self-sacrificial more often that he’s given credit for, he’s occasionally kind. I think the first story he tells in the wire is so indicative of the inner conflict he feels. inside him is a child who was brought up to revel in the glory of violence in the middle of a military occupation of another world. there is a part of him that persists in believing strength is only fortification, obfuscation, invulnerability. and yet there is a part of him now wrestling with the belief that he can only be saved through honesty, by telling bashir about the implant and why it’s there and who he is that warrants it. one of the most remarkable things about this wholly incredible episode is this struggle between these two parts of himself.

and really, garak isn’t stubborn, or stupid. he knows if he wants to save his life (and for a moment... for some inexplicable reason, he does), he’ll have to give bashir some tipping hint. he has to tell him enough of the truth to give him a way to help him, and that’s what all these stories come down to. he is hinting as best he can. he is explaining as much as possible, so as not to betray the angry little boy inside him who sees this addiction as a weakness, who sees his attachment to bashir, and to his life on the station as a vulnerability, exploited. then there’s a second layer in which (after discovery that garak is elim) the audience gleans that garak (in his youth) desperately wanted direction, for someone to tell him what do to and how to do it--that he wanted to be excused from his actions on the basis of “following direct orders”... god, but then I think about how garak chooses to kill the figure of elim he paints here. paired with the resignation to his own fate at this point in the episode (garak knows a replacement device can’t be obtained, that his body is too reliant on the implant to function on its own, and that withdrawal without supplement will be deadly... which is to say garak is sure he is going to die), this seems so poignant. does he wish he’d have died years ago? killed in some random shoot out at the orders of someone higher up on the obsidian order’s chain of command? and can you imagine that? tain would bury the report so as to conceal his son’s involvement with the order (sentimentality always coming second to security, of course), letting this “elim garak” be listed as some citizen at the wrong place at the wrong time, a random victim of the violence of the bajoran occupation... garak, in an instant, would be forgotten. brushed aside by his father in favor of obscuring the actual operation undergone.

in the end i think the most i get from this version of the story is that subtle death wish. if he had been a less important operative, or if he had died then, he wouldn’t be enduring this now (return to the conversation about a lifetime serving cardassia re: “the neverending sacrifice” at the opening of the ep....). part of me believes garak wishes he would have died then, before he could have been exiled, before setting up his shop on the station, before meeting bashir...

garashir side note: “At first, he just wanted to have sex with him. That's absolutely clear. That's all he wanted from him. ‘Come to my shop, I got some nice clothes for you... but you'll have to change first.’ But then it really got complicated, especially when Garak's addiction and despair began to surface. He needed someone to share it with.” - Andy Robinson, from “What We Left Behind”. / “What we should've done, after The Wire in season two, the episode where Bashir helps him get over his addiction, we should've had Garak come out to Bashir as a gay Cardassian... Garak comes out as gay in season two, we have five seasons to play that Bashir and Garak relationship. Where that would have gone, who the hell knows, but it could've been so cool.” - Ira Steven Behr, from “What We Left Behind”.

Considering these two quotes from the actor who played Garak and the head writer on DS9, another thing about this episode I’m throwing my two cents in for is the obvious implications for this deepening the relationship between garak and bashir. One of the most frustrating things about this episode is how much it just begs for more, more, more. The casual banter about literature they start up at the beginning of the episode, the refusal on garak’s part of letting bashir take him the the infirmary (hello cardassian stubbornness, the whole scene reeks so much of ‘I do not want you to see me vulnerable, I want you to think me strong and independent and not in danger’. the whole charade reminds me so much of a wounded animal putting on a brave face so as to not be found out. garak does not want bashir (specifically!) to see him sick, to see him needing. he does not want to admit that he needs his help, that he needs him)...

then everything else that follows that, bashir worriedly reaching out to his friends for help and advice: talking to o’brien about his concerns for garak and asking about retrieving the cardassian medical files, then to dax, who tells him flatly “It sounds like you're taking this personally.... It's not like you two are really friends.”. the affront on bashir’s part at hearing that. “It's just that Garak and I have been having lunch together once a week for more than a year now. You'd think he'd come to trust me a little!” he exclaims. then how defeated and angry he is (violently stabbing her plant with mycorrhizae), the strong thread of bitterness humming in his honey-sweet voice, “If he doesn't want my help, that's his prerogative.”

there’s something so magnificent about the timeline here. how long they’ve known each other by now, the fact that bashir is the only person garak really considers his own on the station (“it isn’t bashir who dies, is it? Ira, you’re not going to kill off julian, are you? I mean, where does that leave me? I mean, he’s my only relationship in this show! I don’t have him, I have nothing. I’m hanging out in space with nobody to talk to!” - DS9Doc's Ira Steven Behr pushes for more DS9 in HD!)... it’s so plainly laid out that bashir is the only thing garak has, the only reason he has to be curious about what else life could bring him at this point in his life, so far from home, from his family, from the only job he ever felt he had been suited for.

which is not even to mention julian’s reaction to this first story. “So now you know, Doctor. I hope I haven't shattered too many of your illusions.” garak concludes. There is a pregnant pause of still hesitation (in which i imagine garak is reeling--because, at the same time, i think, despite this relay being an attempt to communicate his own misery, these stories are also made to push something in bashir. Garak is at the end of his rope, drifting (almost) untethered into unknown space and he is reaching out in the hope that julian, (despite, despite, despite...) will take his hand. Garak is trying to see just how far Julian will go to save him, to forgive him. He is trying to discover if there is an exception to his “federation dogma”, if there is really truth to that myth of human kindness he’d heard so much about... in this moment, Garak is playing this horrific, dangerous, loving, desperate game of cat and mouse. “Could you still love me if I...” he seems to say, and believes at some point he’ll be responded to with a “no”, but hopes, against his better judgement, beyond belief, that he wont be. And then Julian looks up at him, faces close enough for Garak to feel his steady breath on his cheeks as he says, calmly, “Listen to me, Garak. Right now I'm not concerned with what you did in the past. I'm simply not going to walk out of here and let you die. We need to turn that implant off and whatever withdrawal symptoms or side effects you may experience, I promise I'll help you through them. I need to know where that triggering device is. Where is it?”

And that line is it for me, beyond so much of the other golden ones in this episode. This is the first time that Garak hears that unequivocal acceptance, and it just sends him staggering. In all his life, he’s never been faced with love like that. His father pushed him away, let him believe for years that he wasn’t his son. Mila didn’t, or couldn’t, or wouldn’t put up a fight for him when Tain exiled him...

this is one moment in ds9 where i am particularly grateful for ds9 being filmed on a 4:3 aspect ratio that forced characters so close together to be in a shot. in this scene, a line from Shauna Barbosa’s “GPS”, Cape Verdean Blues comes back to me, and I look at the pair of them so close on the screen, Julian so open and Garak so agast, and I just think, “You kiss the back of my legs and I want to cry. Only / the sun has come this close, only the sun.”

all is to say: andy robinson himself has said that bashir is the only relationship garak has. assuming garak’s killing of elim in this first story is indicative of his own wish that he might have died during his work with the obsidian order (and thus been spared exile, the torture of life on the station, the gradual dependency he forged on the implant, and the inevitable withdrawal he was going to experience), there necessitates a question of why garak should agree to treatment (thus saving his life) only to continue living on a station he found so hellish in the past*

*oh... the magnificent (perfectly summative) conversation between Tain and Bashir... “BASHIR: He's dying. TAIN: And you're trying to save him. BASHIR: That's right. TAIN: Strange. I thought you were his friend. BASHIR: I suppose I am. TAIN: Then you should let him die. After all, for Garak, a life in exile is no life at all.”

to me, this question has three answers: 1. he is appeasing an insistent julian (though this begets the suggestion that garak doesn’t have much faith in julian’s treating him--in which case, garak decides that one of his last acts in life will be making julian happy) 2. he is choosing to live because he is... intrigued by julian. because he likes his company and the meals they share and the books they trade... and because he is curious to see where this relationship will go. Julian has made his life bearable (dare I say enjoyable? see: “GARAK: [They] left me to live out my days with nothing to look forward to but having lunch with you. BASHIR: I'm sorry you feel that way. I thought you enjoyed my company. GARAK: I did. And that's the worst part. I can't believe that I actually enjoyed eating mediocre food and staring into at your smug, sanctimonious face. ”) and has thus given him some reason to get up in the morning, even if it is for a frivolous little lunch appointment in another few days or 3. he is choosing to live not for julian, but directly because of him. even if this relationship has a platonic reading, it can’t be denied that julian opened up a new world for garak, and if nothing else was able to stay his boredom/disgust with life on the station

Story 2: GARAK: There was a time, Doctor, oh there was a time when I was a power. The protégé of Enabran Tain himself. Do you have any idea what that means?... Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand. My future was limitless until I threw it away. BASHIR: You mean when you had that shuttle shot down to stop those prisoners from escaping? GARAK: Stop them? I only wish that I had stopped them. BASHIR: You didn't? GARAK: No, Doctor, my disgrace was worse than that. Unimaginably worse. BASHIR: What could you have possibly done worse than that? GARAK: I let them go. It was the eve of the Cardassian withdrawal. Elim and I were interrogating five Bajorans. They were children, Doctor. None of them were older than fourteen years old. They knew nothing. They lived in bombed-out rooms, scrounged for food on the streets. They were filthy and they stank. The room was freezing cold, the air was like ice, and suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless. All I wanted was a hot bath and a good meal. So I let them go. I gave them whatever latinum I had in my pockets, and opened the door, and flung them back into the street. Elim couldn't believe his eyes. He looked at me as if I were insane.”

-> from this version of the story there’s a much clearer division between the elim garak (a young agent of the obsidian order baptized in fire) he was in his youth and the elim garak he is now (a disgraced former agent, exiled, alone save for one ambitious, self assured federation doctor). this, i think, seems to show the separation between what this character “elim” (young garak) wanted: which was uncompromising brutality and dedication to his work, and what present garak wants: peace, a full belly, the ability to be charitable (specifically to young, hungry bajorans)...

this story to me is one that best places this contemporary incarnation of garak relative to his bajoran counterparts on the station. in the beginning of this episode, when telling bashir why he initially chose to activate the implant, he speaks about how he, as the only cardassian living on ds9, is viewed by the bajorans living there. (“Living on this station is torture for me, Doctor. The temperature is always too cold, the lights always too bright. Every Bajoran on the station looks at me with loathing and contempt.”) In this story, by releasing the children and giving them the latinum he had, he’s trying to repent to Julian, asking to be forgiven for the part he played in the occupation of bajor by showing that he was/is (depending on how you view the timeline of the progression of his attitudes) sympathetic to them, and that he regrets the hand he had in bringing war, famine, and subjugation to them.

Story 3: “GARAK: Elim wasn't my aide. He was my friend. We grew up together. We were closer than brothers. For some reason, Enabran Tain took a liking to us. Before long, we were both powerful men in the Obsidian Order. They called us the Sons of Tain. Even the Guls feared us. And then there was a scandal. Someone in the Order was accused of letting some Bajoran prisoners escape. There were constant rumours of who was going to be implicated. Fingers were being pointed at me. By then Tain had retired to the Arawath Colony. He couldn't protect me, so I panicked. I did everything in my power to make sure that Elim was accused instead of me. I altered records, planted evidence, only to discover that he'd beaten me to it. BASHIR: He betrayed you first? GARAK: Elim destroyed me. Before I knew what was going on, I was sentenced to exile. And the irony is, I deserved it. Oh, not for the reasons they claimed, but because of what I had tried to do to Elim, my best friend.”

-> whenever I think back to this, my first impression remains that this is one of the stories where Bashir is considered. At this point, Garak’s been transferred from his room to the infirmary. Despite turning the implant off, toxins are continuing to accumulate in his lymphatic systems. He’s been sad (even woke bashir up with his weeping), he’s been angry (destroyed the vase and flipped the desk in his room, attacked bashir...), and now he’s calm, and tired. He thinks this is the end. He refuses to have the implant turned back on, which nurse jabara estimates might give him another week to live. This is the end of the line for him, and he’s accepting it with dignity and grace. He goes to release Bashir from his obligation to him “you’re done enough, Doctor. More than I deserve...” and goes to tell Bashir “the truth”. To me, this is his goodbye. Even if it isn’t a true story, this is the gift he’s giving Bashir. This is what he (spinner of wonderful lies, obfuscating agent of the despicable obsidian order) can give him as a parting gift--it is what he wants him to have.

in this story, Garak is not friendless, as he is on the station. He has a close relationship with someone (’see, then, doctor?’ he seems to ask playfully, life sputtering out of his eyes. ‘i am capable of it!’)... and yet, there is also betrayal. It reminds me of an assurance, in a way. “Bashir,” he seems to say, the entire weight of all the good doctor’s efforts to save him pressing down on his every word, “look what might have come to you had I allowed you to care for me. There is only danger for you to find in me.” In this, Elim stands in place of Bashir. A steadfast friend who Garak works against for the sake of self preservation. In this moment, Garak is pleading with the man standing above him next to the biobed. He is insisting Bashir be grateful for the shallowness of their relationship (something I Garak ensured deliberately), and telling him that, though he is grateful for him, that if they had been closer, Garak would only have caused him pain.

The heart of this story is Garak’s appraisal of his own self worth. Regardless of how much he’s changed since his time in the order, he persists in thinking he functions in the world to cause harm, much so that it is the only thing he’s able to do. Garak sees himself as the knife in the backs of others, or the hand raised, dagger in clutch.

the second thing i see is contained wholly within the line: “By then Tain had retired to the Arawath Colony. He couldn't protect me, so I panicked.” aside from assurances made to bashir, i think the purpose of this speech is to demonstrate (in the fashion of the lies being true) that garak wanted, and still wants safety. he wanted someone (Tain) to come to his defense then. while this extends to the implication that garak wanted tain, as his father, to stand up for him out of pride, or love, or even a perfunctory sense of parental commitment rather than exile him (a recurring desire illustrates/suggested in the show/books), i also think its perfectly suited to the care julian is exhibiting in tending to him in this episode. for all garak’s refusal to acknowledge his pain (a mere headache, as he claimed when they stood outside the replimat), for all his refusal to go to the infirmary when they meet at quark’s later, the care julian is constantly exhibiting through this episode is what garak is most endeared by. it is the thing he wanted most in his youth, and the thing now (because it was denied to him then) he finds so difficult to accept. there are many (many) instances throughout the show of garak and bashir talking about the extension of federation help/kindness, and this being something bashir embodies, btu this is one of the illustrations that sticks with me because of its particular placement. In the story, Garak wanted protection. He was alone, and afraid, and wanted help. As it now stands, he is not alone, he is calm, and has help. That is perhaps the most startling revelation for him of all.

and last but not least another... intriguing part of all garak’s stories is his repeated separation of himself and elim. the illusion of separation is one of the most intriguing (and heartbreaking) aspects of these story to me. garak has always struck me as the kind of character who sees grief and regret as an impetus for amputation. he believes what is unpleasant or unnecessary about him he can cut off and live through. he believes he can build up a wall between himself and what he doesn’t want to see or experience without repercussion (this being why he activated the implant in the first place). by making elim and himself two separate people he is not only distancing himself from whatever it was he really did, thus taking responsibility for it in part and allowing the other half of himself turn away in disgust and without sympathy, but suggesting that he cannot be culpable entirely for what it was he did. in each of his stories, the blame is to be shared, divided. the hardest part of all of this to swallow is that even after all this time, he’s begging for someone to spare him of the crushing loneliness of disgrace, begging for someone to understand fully what he’s done, accept him, and shoulder a part of his burden, much so that he creates an entirely new incarnation of himself just to sit with him in hell.

anyway ive also been fucking around on memory alpha and this was intriguing to me so im putting it here:

"When I was writing the story," stated Robert Hewitt Wolfe, "the movie Schindler's List had just come out and Ira was saying, 'Maybe he was Schindler; maybe he was the guy who let the prisoners go.' And then it was, 'Maybe he wasn't; maybe he was the Butcher of Budapest.' So we just kept telling all these lies, and I think the truth lies somewhere in there. Maybe he did let people go. Maybe he did shoot down the ship. Who knows?" (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Companion (p. 141))

#trek #elim garak #sorry for longposting but once again i am thinking about him (garak)#he's just such a fantastic character that i read SO MUCH into #its a shame they didnt do more w him really im upset he wasnt as cherished by fans when the show was in production as he obviously is now #also. reminds me why i have this url #he's deeply fascinating and i love him and hate him and sympathize with him and think hes unforgivable and i ....#ANYWAY i am not even going to talk about the . hand holding 'i forgive you... for whatever it is you did' thing because that opens a BREACH #this is one of the longest posts ive ever written on this god awful site #anyway it is from the heart #i love him so much and i love this episode.

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