#this honestly... as a content creator myself resonated so much
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bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!
a getting-to-know-you meme for people to introduce themselves in the bbs fandom by @fiercynn
note: "fanworks" are defined here as pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc. please include this note with the meme unless you have a different definition!
name and whatever you want to share about yourself
I'm MJ. I love writing fic and talking about shows with people. I write mostly BL. I am in a few fandoms, but bbs is definitely one I'm still writing (albeit slower lately).
this is crazy long so here's a cut -
when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?
I started watching after episode 2 aired. The name first turned me off. I didn't actually know who Ohm or Nanon was, lol I know right? I enjoyed some Thai BLs but none had hit for me. I saw a gif set of when Pat and Pran were looking at that empty dorm and Pat grabbed Pran right by the thigh and I was like, what the hell, I have to know what is happening there. Except, they were fooling me that this was just a light, silly, flirty show and hit me with such emotional resonance that I haven't freed myself yet. I wrote my first fic at the end of November 2021 and have been writing for them ever since.
favorite ship(s)
I am Pat/Pran through and through. I like other ships too but they are the reason I'm here.
favorite character(s)
I love both Pat and Pran. I like writing more from Pat pov because honestly Pran hits a little too close to home for me. :) All the side characters are fun and that is one of the reasons I love this show - Ink/Pa especially.
favorite episode(s) - these kinds of choices are just cruel but I would say episode 11. The raw emotions throughout it just killed me.
favorite scene (s) - rooftop aside, I recently mentioned the "thanks for trying to make this silly guy happy" scene from 11 as one of my favorites of all Thai bl (it's true), besides that, the scene when Pran brings Pat the drink, Pat tries to offer to say they aren't together anymore, the way Pran initiates them holding hands under the table and the way Pran knows Pat liked his drink less sweet. My heart tugs just thinking about it. <3
one thing you would change about the show if you could
more Ink/Pa would have been so nice and also, stop teasing us P'Aof and give us Wai/Korn
what are some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?
This is absolutely impossible. This fandom has so many wonderful creators in so many ways - art, fic, meta, edits. I think some things just stuck in the brain either because they were given to me because that's what I love about fandom most - the giving - or I was struck by them as they really hit my feels about the show at the time. but this is by no means an exhaustive list and I don't even know how I'd do that.
@geonbaeeee makes all kinds of amazing art, but I loved this one because they are some of my favorite scenes.
when I think of bbs art, I always think of this series. I don't even care about weddings tbh, but I just love how all their personalities are displayed here and I do think this is exactly what Pat and Pran would want haha
@funyasm made me this wonderful mood board for bbs as gift that was a big heart hug
@creativityobsessed wrote the coolest music meta about episode 5 and I still think about it sometimes.
I've been fortunate enough to be given two really wonderful gift fics. @galauvant gifted me Family Ties with some good Jindapat siblings content and triplelovescore gifted me a crack in the foundation with some excellent Pat hurt/comfort. Both were so good at giving the heart a little twist.
(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?
I would say if you've only read one work in the fandom by me it's probably Up the Ante. And I do love it, but I think honestly, my favorite might be one of my least read - "I'm here, if you want me," which I wrote in the week between episode 11 and 12 in that "you had to be there" time in the fandom. It was a "if they really did break up let's fix-it" fic. I think it could have actually been a longer AU if I had any patience at all, but I needed soothing in the moment lol. Pat's love for Pran shown in the way we all know he would give it - as self-sacrificing as possible, and Pran's love of Pat shown through his music. It just felt right.
Anyway, I have others too. Honestly, it's like trying to pick a favorite child. Fanworks are works of love and each have their reasons for why I wanted to write them and why I love them.
a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol) ha ha, look, this show has a theme song with multiple versions, a secondary song, another song that is now an in canon Pran-written song, Pat's ourskyy song, the og trailer song, the when we were younger instrumental, when the lyrical version is also amazing, and one of my faves is Keep Coming Back to the Start which we only hear for a tiny bit at the end of episode 6, but is an awesome song. but okay, yeah, beyond that and the instrumentals, I have a whole playlist that includes these and others. many songs come from some of the amazing edits out there. anyway, that's a long answer to mention "If our Love is Wrong" by Calum Scott, which I got from this edit (yes this is a cheat to link another fanwork)
idk anything else you want us to know?
I've met some really kind people through the bbs fandom and I really appreciate them very much. <3
I know that there are definitely people who used to be in bbs fandom not tagged in someone else's posts but I am not sure who still considers themselves in it. so this is a chance to say so. :)
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💕 Self-love time! Talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you enjoy the most, for whatever reason. Send to other creators to do the same if you wish. 💕
thank you so much for this, my sweet Remi - I feel like we, as content creators, should be more proud of our works. this is a really good way to share that. 🥹
I go a little bit heavy, so this is a TW for depression and in depth talk of my reasonings, etc.
— 𝐅𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐫
it's no secret that I put my whole heart and soul into my writing, but this time... this time I put my pain into it, too. I was going through hell both online, and in my personal life. I had no way of knowing what would happen or whether I would end up hospitalised from the stress.
the pain manifested in such a vicious depression and I didn't see a way of how to lessen the pain, so I picked up my laptop after @smutconnoisseur sent me a song, and then, Viking!Bucky came to the forefront. originally, this fic was twice as bloody and twice as gory. I even entertained the thought of making this like my 2022 Whumptober fics, and killing off either Bear, or Mouse.
I could not do it. I couldn't. and that is how it ended. I am proud of myself for manifesting the pain into something that resonated with a lot of people - I have had friends and strangers' message me and comment that they felt my pain, and that it was turned into something so emotive that... that I helped them, whether it was to cope with something, or just in general.
Fury of a Berserkir will always be special to me, not for what caused it, but for what followed.
— 𝐑𝐮𝐧, 𝐊𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐤, 𝐑𝐮𝐧
this fic was wild - I was so scared because it had several new elements that I had never written before. sure, I had read them and such, but I had never attempted to write them myself.
I learnt a lot about heavier kinks from those that supported me and encouraged me, and not to mention, I got to be a little more self-indulgent than I would have been normally.
all around, this fic is just important to me because of the experiences I had while I brainstormed and researched - I have the best hype squad.
— 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐟
I had honestly never, ever really seen a fic where the roles were reversed as I had dreamt of, and naturally, I don't do shit by halves.
reversing the roles was one hell of a choice and one hell of an interesting experience. I got to exercise my thoughts (and thots) of being a domme orientated switch, and I got to revel in my obsession for my multiverse-esque approach to my AUs.
overall, this fic was literally and only self-indulgent because I wanted to make something new, something I had not seen before. Bucky was always the Mafia Boss, he was always the one in charge, it was never her.
— 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭
I am just fucking feral over this fic. it has literally my dream way of being fucked and who doesn't love making Bucky so desperate he has to beg?
— 𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲, 𝐒𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐒𝐢𝐧
like the above, it is literally just a dream way of being fucked. and I am not sorry for being so blunt because ya girl can't tell a lie! 🤣
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i read the whole of your 'essay' - not to get a kiss on the forehead (though it's appreciated) but in hope to see that you don’t feel the need to take responsibility for other people's choices and i'm glad i did. if i want to trigger myself i will and i can change it when i let myself, though the process is of course not as easy as it sounds and there many varying obstacles we face on the way but in the end neither can my therapist (or whoever) save me nor a stranger (or not-so-stranger) damn me for good - i have myself to answer to, i have myself to blame or better yet to hold accountable and i have myself to thank too. that i can accept this (and let it motivate and encourage instead of discourage me) is of course because i've been on my healing journey for a while. i can't remember but i guess a few years back i probably haven't been seeing it like that and might have thought it should the the (impossible) task of the creator to make sure their content can only ever 'be used for good/help' and that it won't be triggering for anyone ever. honestly i kind of lost my point there - i guess i just wanted to share that a) i agree with you and b) i'm glad that the fear of people more or less purposely misinterpreting your art as glorifying instead of expressing/sharing/illustrating your experience with mental health and trauma hasn't stopped you from sharing it because c) it resonates with my experiences and makes me feel less alone but also encourages me to try to embrace my sadness or anger because only if i can let me feel them they can they can pass. and will pass! and that i learnt by facing my fear of feeling them and realising they (also physically) can't last forever (without recurring triggers at least) and your art really helped me with that. for that i am very grateful. thank you! <3
This makes me happy to hear and shows such growth. Sending much love your way. <3
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“I think that's one of the hardest things to do as a creator is change. When you carry a community that's so used to seeing one certain type of content and you switch it up, a lot of people are not going to stay. And that's a harsh reality that a lot of creators many times don't come to the realization to.
I have been blessed enough to change up my content so many times and have so many people still watching it. I've changed my content a lot and to see people still supporting it, it's really awesome.”
— Quackity
Happy 5 million, Big Q.
#quackity#dsmp#dream smp#mcyt#not art#sorry oijsdflkjsdf that alt stream last night was the most sincere I've ever seen him#it makes me so happy to see him actually talk about this stuff head on#so earnest and sweet#also don't get me started on how he talks about his current friends and how happy they make him#and you can see it with every single interaction he has with anyone in dsmp#or that he enjoys making content so much more than he ever has before#this honestly... as a content creator myself resonated so much#dsmp is kind of a rough fandom to join#especially as someone who does more anime-adjacent content a lot#on twitter and insta I lost a noticeable amount of followers after I start posting dsmp. it's a bit disheartening but I'm having so much fun#and that's what matters at the end of the day
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Toji Fushiguro || Toy || Fic
The Sukuna one had me like ✨✨✨ Now I must ask, can you- a toji x fem reader and him seeing Gojo eyeing up what's his and her responding to it and then toji being like oh hell no and basically railing her as punishment (degrading kink please it makes me jello) you don't have to write it if your not comfortable btw take your time and stay safe.
Content ║ Toji Fushiguro x Fem Insert. Toji’s shoulder pressed into the wall with such a force the damn thing could’ve dented. Arms crossed tensely against the broad puff of his chest. His teeth ground together, the sound of squeaking canines reverberating in his mind. Toji was seething. For a man with the physical prowess of a god, his tolerance was about as thin as a wet napkin. A wet napkin this woman decided to poke a well-manicured finger into.
Count ║ 1,311 words.
Consider ║ NSFW. Degradation Kink. Objectification. Female Insert (she/her). Alcohol. Grammar issues. Basic degeneracy.
Creator ║ So this is the first NSFW thing I have done like this ;v;. I’m not sure if this hit the mark for ya Anon, but hopefully it’ll do until I can get some more practice. It took a little while since I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing. Honestly this just feels subpar gomen. Enjoy jealous Toji, though -finger guns-.
The club was barely lit with black light and neon strewn about the solid concrete walls in seemingly random intervals. A particularly bright hot pink one cast across her collarbone, dowsing the tops of her breasts deliciously in contrast to the black latex dress. As much as Toji would like to shove her against that very wall, she had a job to do. For him. And he regretted it.
She was pushing her luck when she approached the table with a certain sway to her hips. Gojou peered around the tinted sunglasses, brow piqued in interest. She flashed a smile, smoothly setting a large bottle of some random high percentage alcohol onto the table. Sliding into the booth next to Satoru, the woman leaned a hand on his leg, the other moving to playfully snap the strap of a birthday hat under his chin, “I hear it’s someone’s birthday?”
His head tilted up along with the corners of his lips, “Guilty as charged. Are you my present, doll? Always heard the hostesses here were the best,” His voice purred against the thrum of the bass. She tucked hair behind her ear, eyes flickering back to the ravenette with a dangerous composition. The corner of her mouth twitched up at the obvious frustration resonating in the man. He couldn’t touch her. Couldn’t even dream of it if he wanted any semblance of information on this guy. It was the perfect opportunity to test a theory. Toji was the jealous type.
Toji’s shoulder pressed into the wall with such a force the damn thing could’ve dented. Arms crossed tensely against the broad puff of his chest. His teeth ground together, the sound of squeaking canines reverberating in his mind. Toji was seething. For a man with the physical prowess of a god, his tolerance was about as thin as a wet napkin. A wet napkin this woman decided to poke a well-manicured finger into.
He slammed down a shot, the burn at the back of his throat accompanying the burn of his own gaze. She wasn’t anything to him aside from an in. Yet somehow, the not-so-shaman made it a point to speak with her at least once a week, which usually lead into fucking her like a play thing. The lay was just as good as the information she could pry out of loose mouths. Immaculate. This go around, he needed information on someone in particular. Someone who just so happened to be here with a group. Someone who decided it would be a good idea to get a little handsy with his toy.
“Y’know,” Satoru murmured, “’s pretty sad to be alone in bed for my birthday.” Chilled pads of his fingers rested at the back of her neck. His gaze was hungry and she was a full course meal. Just his type. Perfect shape, perfect charm, perfect headrush. Her hand cupped his ear, whispering something his buzzing mind couldn’t fully piece together against the dense music.
She kept up the sweet act despite not getting a lick of information. The only dirt she dug up was that he could finish half a handle before getting buzzed. By the end of the night, Gojou’s hands squeezed at her thigh like he did her last string of patience.
The last thing Toji saw was the exchange of cards.
-
As the black-clad hostess passed by Toji, her hand trailed along the muscles of his chest, stiletto nails pressing just slightly into him. He followed close behind until they got to their regular spot. A private room tucked into the corner of the club. Commonly used for rich men thirsting to empty their wallets on a good lap dance. It was sound proofed, dimly lit, and somehow hot pink velvet was a prime design choice to set a steamy mood.
She crossed her arms, gaze hard as the door shut, “So, I’ve got bad new. He didn’t let a word slip-“ The sentence stopped as soon as it began.
“So doll’s got a sense of humor, huh?” His voice held an edge to match the snide smirk flashing over pointed canines. She knew exactly what was up and oh was it a dangerously delectable sight. One that made her cunt throb on nothing but adrenaline. The crease of his brow, the way his lips set into that hairpin curl, the tensing of each thick muscle along his arm – all of it leaving a sense of satisfaction in the pit of her stomach. Theory confirmed. He took a step closer; she didn’t shrink away. A lost challenge if he’d say so himself.
A large calloused hand shoved her onto cushions of the booth, catching her open mouth in his own with a bruising force. The man wasted no time with his prodding tongue, tasting the sweetness of peppermint and lapping it up while fending off her own slick muscle. A hand snaked into the roots of her perfectly done hair, white-knuckling just at the base of the skull. With a sharp yank, her head was yanked back, allowing break for air. Smug and breathless, she chimed, “Jealous?”
Toji blew air out in a single blackened laugh, “I’m not one to share my toys.” Teeth connected to her lips, rolling the flesh then moving to her throat. Purple marked his territory trailing down. The heat of his breath tickled the space directly next to her ear, “Now, you’re going to beg for me to forgive you. Make myself clear, slut?” Toji’s grip on her tightened, “Or is doll better for something getting used?” A rough tug to the back of her hair triggered a low moan from her heaving chest. After so many sessions, she knew he didn’t really want an answer. He wanted a reason go harder.
The hand once in her hair now gripped her jaw, keeping her gaze on him, “Answer me, toy. Or do I need to pull a string to make that cock-obsessed mouth move?” On que, free digits wrapped around the gusset of her thong, second knuckle just grazing the entrance of her heat before he pulled the sodden fabric taught, letting it snap back to place. The impact triggered another empty clench and gasp. Her hips writhed, a sappy pout puffing the bitten lips. More.
Toji maintained her heavy-lidded stare as he brought the knuckle to his lips. He watched as her own parted when his tongue swept up the sweetness collected at the joint. The way her hips rose to match the zipper’s height, the lock of her teeth on her finger, the desperation in her eyes – all of it made his stiffened cock twitch against her adorably hopeless grinding, “Looks like my toy is broken. Guess I’ll just fuck the apology out of it then.”
A wicked grin whipped onto his handsome face. Her mouth opened in rebuttal, only to get interrupted, “This is to teach a lesson, toy. What did you do to deserve the prep?” The gravel in his tone grew slightly dark, “Couldn’t even get the dirt I paid for.” His long digits did work past the gusset, slipping over her entrance, gathering the arousal, “Look how wet you already are for me.” A heated coil pressed in her at the words. She knew what was coming now and every inch of her craved it.
In what seemed to be a single motion, jeans and boxers were torn down. Her dress was hiked up with a satisfying peel, thong quite literally ripped off and thrown to the ground before she was flipped so that her back was pressed against his chest. Sturdy, veined arms wrapped at the backs of her thighs and under her knees. Truly, she was a doll for him to pleasure himself on and he made it a point to do so.
Toji lowered her so that the thick tip of his length pressed against her heart-beating heart. Her walls fluttered around him as he slid in. “For a broken toy, you’re pretty damn tight for me - ready to be played with. Get used- fuck.” Amusement broke through as she bit back a breathless sigh. His cock filled her easily, slick sliding down his shaft and pooling at the base. As he fully sheathed himself, he craned his neck forward, lips pressing at the shell of her ear, “Now, I want to hear you beg, bitch.” With that, the man snaked back and up, setting a relentless pace from the beginning. The sound of skin slamming into wettened skin filling the room along with the aroma of arousal.
She was stubborn. He was tireless. They’d both cum before the apology even had a chance to.
#🥩 .ask#🥩#🥩 .fic#🍺#🍺.ask#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#toji x reader#toji fushiguro#fushiguro toji#satoru gojou#gojou satoru#gojo satoru
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A personal update + my next game
OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!
Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.
Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.
However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!
And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.
So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.
First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.
So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…
Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.
I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)
And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.
Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.
Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.
It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).
These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.
The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.
So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.
This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.
For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.
So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?
I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.
A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.
With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.
I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!
I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind… I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”
Thanks for reading,
David
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Being in fandoms for so long yourself, do you have any tips on how to approach fandom in general? It can be so overwhelming sometimes!
Honestly avoid fandom as much as possible. 'Tis a silly place.
On a more serious note, I DO have a draft on staying sane on social media I’ve been slowly making. The main points are about knowing how your social media sites work in regards to tags, searches, cuts, filters, blocks, and mutes, and being liberal with using them for whatever reason you need. In general for this post: limit following counts and be picky about who you follow and why--don't just “follow back” because. Don’t sit in Discords that make you uncomfortable and keep utility servers to those channels needed and mute/hide the rest. I should get around to the rest eventually.
I maintain that sticking to what you love and with friends is better than trying to interact with “the fandom” at large. Especially as a property gets well known and a larger following, the vocal negative 1% seems to get louder and tiresome quickly. Protect yourself and your pals and enjoy what you wish, minimizing stress and drama and hurting real people over what’s supposed to be a shared interest of pretend characters and stories. More specifics of that below.
Limiting myself to some friends and branching off their recommendations, getting to know folks before hopping into servers or groups, helps a lot. I don’t have to engage with the entire fandom. I tend to hear about random dramas in passing, like a shadow underwater, because I interact with chill folks more interested in simply enjoying an interest, not in making it their entire life and identity and so having to be right or chase clout or whatever over a pretend world and make-believe characters, even if resonates with us.
Don't give too much of yourself away. Don't tell people all the ways to trigger you, or your vulnerabilities. Don't give away locations. Use basic internet safety and anonymity to keep folks at arms’ length as much as needed. You're not obligated to answer every DM, right away or ever. You can make some dear friends through fandom, but a single shared interest is not a guaranteed safe and healthy basis of relationships.
Focus on what you love, ignore what you don't. Yes, you want a healthy level of objectivity and criticism and sometimes you need to vent but overall, fandom experience is much better if you're actually enjoying the things you engage with. Don't force yourself to put up with things you don’t have fun with, but also let others have their fun (even if you don’t think that it is fun, if it isn’t harming other real people and dragging them down it’s fine even if you don’t get it). This can include leaving that fandom when the base material is no longer fun for you, leading to...
Remember that you don't own the characters and story; it's someone else's world, we just play in it. The creators are going to make choices and changes, some good and some bad; learn to accept that and keep fanon separate from canon. Interactions with creators via social media are also usually very surface level and parasocial; just because they make part of themselves visible and accessible, doesn't mean you know them, are friends, or are owed anything by their social presence.
Other fans have other takes; you may not like them, but they're valid. Sometimes those other ideas too can make you rethink or add to your own, make you realize some things you hadn’t considered due to a blindspot in your own experiences, and add to your understanding of characters and story arcs. So be open to others’ ideas. Find those of a like mind more or less and stick with ‘em.
Don’t let fandom ruin a thing for you. If you find yourself surrounded by a lot of negative opinions, especially about something you enjoy, you can speak up if comfortable, but if not, simply stop following/interacting. I cull my following lists regularly, and a lot of times remove people who tend to be negative about things too often for my taste. Their blog/timeline/whatever but I don’t have to interact with it. If I find my enjoyment of a thing souring, I ask myself if it’s due to the actual story/characters/how the creators act, or if it’s due to the corner of fandom I’m in and if I have to clean up and then see how I feel about the thing.
Don't assume the worst of people. I often make myself stop and reread what someone said, slowly and even out loud if I must, to make sure I understood. Go back some posts/threads/pages for context if needed. Some people are just bad at communicating. They may be ignorant of even the most basic of modern social manners, internet etiquette, and so on. English may not be their first language. I tend to assume unintentional oopses until someone makes it crystal clear they mean harm--it's generally easy to tell. Let things roll off your back; they don't know you, really, just the persona you present online. You don't know them and their issues, either, just what little you see. It's usually not worth the hassle and heartache to do more than eye-roll and move on with life.
Others won’t censor/remove everything you personally find a squick or trigger, but do advocate for proper tags, warnings, and hiding the content. Learn to skip past the crap you dislike to find the things you do; you do not have to read or view or comment or like everything. There's only so many hours in a day, and not everything is your taste.
My personal annoyance usually come from how people who engage with questionable content react to other fans being upset, especially when they didn’t take the proper precautions to warn/hide their content based on the site. Anyone who then revels in their “problematic” status and starts making their dark content “to spite antis” has lost sight of why they wanted to make that content to begin with and are acting like brats, IMO. Especially a waste when it can be well written/drawn, even if out of my own comfort area. Don’t do things for spite if you can help it; sometimes it leads to interesting things, but a lot of times, it ends up hollow and a regret down the road.
There’s likely more to this, but these are some general rules I’ve been trying to follow as I get older and realize a lot of time and emotional labor over fiction isn’t worth stress and negativity, but should be relaxing and fun, as the real world is difficult enough. Have fun and make things fun and positive for others when possible, don’t tear others down for the sake of it. Fandom is meant to be a shared interest and love of a thing, after all.
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hi Shanna!! as a consistent content creator, how do you motivate yourself to keep writing fics? are you ever nervous about posting a new story/idea/outline? do you ever think like ‘ah this is overdone so i just shouldn’t’? (i have a mean inner voice i admit)
i’m playing around with the idea of creating more of an online presence but it’s so nerve-wracking! and the motivation to do it consistently is really hard too. i’m also really nervous about the privacy aspect of it all. ik you don’t post a lot about your personal life, but how do you know where to draw the line? do you have any advice for someone who wants to be seen but is afraid of opening up? :’)
Hello, anon! I'm going to do my best to answer all your questions, so bear with me -- breaking them all down below the cut :)
1. How do I motivate myself to keep writing fics?
I think this has changed over the course of my blog's journey. When I first started writing and didn't have many followers (it took me about nine months - 1 year to reach 5K), I kept myself motivated by taking requests, utilizing writing prompts and joining networks to participate in network events. Honestly, the best advice I can give a new blog is: post frequently and on a clear schedule. At the start of my blog, I posted every four days (smaller chapters than what I write now), and gradually grew my base. Now though, my motivation tends to come from taking on new challenges and trying to better my content. I want to continue improving and providing fun material for readers, so that's usually what motivates me as I plan a new fic. Positive responses and interactions from readers are also key.
2. Am I ever nervous about positing a new story/idea/outline?
Yes. Always LOL. It never gets easier, to be honest. In my experience, my worries about writing have changed, but not disappeared. I tend to write a broad array of genres and styles, so it's always a risk that the new thing I write won't resonate with my readers. When I first began posting, my main worry was that no one would read. Now, it's that people will read, and they'll hate it. LOL I've just kind of reconciled myself to this fact.
3. Do I ever think "ah this is overdone, so I just shouldn't'?
Mmm I have had this thought, but it usually isn't one of my main worries. Honestly, you can break down pretty much any story into predictable pieces. That doesn't mean you shouldn't write it. No one has ever written that trope, or that AU with your voice before, and that's what you have to keep reminding yourself.
4. How do I draw the line with my personal life?
OOF. This is something which took me awhile to figure out. I used to be much more open on my blog, but I've gradually had to create some hard limits. To be blunt, I now view this blog as a place where I post fanfiction, and not my personal space. I occasionally share personal info (books I read, photos of my dog, responding to things friends tag me in), but for the most part, I only share what's relevant to my writing. Limits on your blog should be whatever's comfortable for you. I know other blogs are comfortable being viewed as a personality/writer, but that's not really something which appeals to me. Of course, I'm glad when people like me (duh, I'm human), but I prefer to keep my personal life separate. I don't talk about my job, employer, location, background, or people in my real life who don't have a Tumblr. I think the best way to figure these limits out for yourself is by trial and error! Based on your questions, if sounds as though you may benefit from harder lines, but then again, you might find you enjoy interacting on a more personal level. My best advice is to go slow and pull back if you need it. You are only one person and you can't do it all. Prioritize what's most important to you, and cut out the rest.
5. Am I ever scared of being misunderstood or misinterpreted in my online presence? If so, how do I deal with that?
Absolutely. I deal with this by keeping my personal life separate as much as possible. Even this can backfire though, since I've heard people call me absent or aloof. Ultimately, you can't please everyone. You're going to eventually do or say something which will be taken the wrong way, or someone won't agree with, and that's okay. We're all human and we all make mistakes. All you can do is try to keep a level head, examine the issue raised and decide for yourself if it's something you need to change. Be as kind as possible to other people, but don't forget to stand up for yourself. Ultimately, everything online should be taken with a grain of salt; your readers can't really know you based on a few posts. Sharing anything with the public always comes with risk, but it's a brave thing to do and can bring great rewards. Most people on this site are lovely, kind and supportive. Your interactions with these people will far outweigh the negative.
6. Advice for someone who wants to be seen, but is afraid of opening up.
I hope some of what I shared above was helpful! I'm right there with you, anon. I'm an introvert who gets overwhelmed by a lot of social interaction, but I do love sharing my writing with people. It took me almost six months after creating my blog to post my first fic, but sometimes you just need to do it. Being scared is normal, but if you don't take risks, you'll never reach the reward. Whether that's sharing your writing, or making new friends, or whatever you seek to gain from your online presence -- sometimes you just have to do it! Best of luck in your journey, babe :)
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Happy Birthday to The Owl House!
Honestly, I’m… REALLY shocked to think back on how it’s been a year? It’s been a full, actual year, since that first episode?
I remember when The Owl House was first announced around early 2018. Something about it, the premise, the characters from that one poster we got; It really drew me in, and I kept track of the show’s progress in eager anticipation. Whenever Dana released art of Luz, Eda, and King, I was ecstatic- And when the show was delayed to 2020, I was dismayed.
Then we got our teaser trailer; The opening them, the end credits, even a little sneak peek! I remember speculating a lot about Luz and all of the other new characters we were introduced to, such as Willow, Amity, and Gus- And then we got more and more trailers in the days leading up to the show. I wondered about Luz’s home back on Earth and where her family was, I listened intently to the Hooty and the Parliament music video, finding an almost melancholic, weirdly nostalgic (despite having never watched the show yet) vibe to it- Whilst also avoiding looking at the screen and seeing all of the various clips it offered, because I wanted to be surprised! It was two years of anticipation, two years of wait for this show- I’d never looked forward to a series before like this, last I can recall… So having this content FINALLY come out, seeing these characters in animation, hearing their wonderful voices! My soul was vibing, it was time, it was coming after all this time…!
Eventually I finished Infinity Train Book 2, the same day that The Owl House premiered… I was blindsided when I woke up to the first episode’s release online, in full- I was already planning to wait until later to watch it on television, so having it permanently accessible from the internet was such a pleasant surprise! And the show… The show, man- That premiere caught me off-guard with how much I enjoyed it! I knew I was looking forward to this show, but still…! It blew away my expectations, and even now, has continued to; It was like my personal investment and attention had paid off so patiently well! I even got a DisneyNOW subscription so I could watch each new episode ASAP, the day it premiered, hours before it aired on television!
I remember scouring Tumblr before the show officially premiered, and there was understandably very little- A few pieces of fanart here or there. And when the show DID premiere, for a while there wasn’t really much of a fandom- There was barely anyone, in fact! But I can remember a few notable blogs who have been around since the beginning… Me, I got invested into this show. I found myself really enjoying Lumity as a ship, especially since I resonated with both characters in it; Luz was such a ball of sunshine that brightened my day, and Amity really spoke to me with her more introverted, top-scoring personality. When the show hit its mid-season hiatus, I remember not handling it too well, as I got impatient and frantic in my speculations- I wanted so badly to learn more about these characters, see what happened- Get a look at Emperor Belos (then known as Bellows by the fandom), etc.
I wrote my Bile Coven piece in preparation for Halloween, even got to know a mutual or two over shared theorizing! I kept track of Dana’s updates, and even had people come to my blog, of all places, to send asks! It was and still has been such an engaging part of fandom for me… I recall impatiently waiting for the Owl Pellet shorts and freaking out over them- And when Adventures in the Elements leaked early? I LOST MY MIND, I remember postponing something I was supposed to go to, just so I could watch the episode- And it was so good! Then I started wondering and hoping the rest of Season 1 would come out, and well- It took a while…
And when Season 1B’s trailer came out, I was all over it; Scouring every possible frame, freaking out over the Grom screenshot, and appreciating the influx of new fans! It was amazing to watch The Owl House go from a relatively minor and obscure fandom, to becoming so much more mainstream and populous! I got into Rebecca Rose’s channel, I began writing more meta and posts about the show, as well as little recaps for each new episode. I feel like my blog really took off from here, as I got to interact with more and more people who shared this mutual love of The Owl House, and I was so ecstatic to see more content and buzz about it!
My mind was solely focused on The Owl House, it was one of my huge hyperfixations, even moreso than during Season 1A’s run- I remember being anxious about Enchanting Grom Fright, wondering if we’d get queerbaited… But NO, Amity was in love with Luz! She canonically had a crush on her, a girl in love with another girl- And I loved it because Lumity was a special comfort ship of mine! Then Amity was confirmed lesbian… It was amazing! And I found myself SO invested, so inspired by the show and its characters, and all of the little allusions to things, the foreshadowing, the moments here or there that made so much more sense after a new episode.
This show inspired me creatively- It got me to write some of my personal favorite fanfics, and I was and still am so touched by whatever feedback I get from them! The Owl House really got me to write, to obsess over characters and analyze them, to look at motifs, to think about worldbuilding… It’s been such an artistically enriching experience, both the show and the fandom! I remember despairing so terribly when Agony of a Witch came out, the genuine betrayal I had when Lilith revealed the truth- Because I’d been legitimately endeared to her character beforehand, even formed a sort of ‘trust’ in a sense… And like many others, I agonizingly anticipated the season finale, the much-needed emotional reconciliation!
I remember how the episode titles were revealed, bit by bit, and how I and others speculated on what they’d spell out! I remember when the fandom obsessed over the Witch’s Apprentice game and its relics, for clues and new lore after each episode, the little hints here or there! I was freaked out by characters like Belos, who lived up to my hopes and expectations- First being alluded to by name, then his amazing appearance… And then his voice and mannerisms and everything about him! And when the Season Finale came out…
Well, there was relief. But there was a bittersweet emptiness- That it was over! The first season was over! There was a celebratory triumph, of course- We finally wrapped up the first, major arc of the show, the first batch of episodes that had been worked upon, the whole thing now unveiled and appreciated! But I was a little dismayed because a part of me KNEW a hiatus much longer than the previous one was ahead of me, and I did not handle the mid-season hiatus well. Of course, then Dana had her Reddit AMA, and the charity livestream; Both of which NOURISHED me creatively, and have helped to fill out the wait! To carry out my momentum, to not flounder about in hiatus; I invested myself into more meta, into various posts, etc. I read fanfiction that genuinely floored me, obsessed over fanart, etc.
I supported the show’s release on Disney Plus, ecstatic to get this kind of ready access. I revisited past episodes and characters, looking at them in a new light, appreciating things; Like Luz’s relationship with fantasy… King’s surprising development, all of Eda’s little hints and clues. There’s been an emotional catharsis with these characters for me- And I genuinely feel like I’ve been a lot happier lately because of this show! I’ve met so many other blogs and gotten to know them, seen their ideas and displayed mine as we appreciated one another… I even remember doing another blog’s fanart prompt prior to the show’s release, in preparation!
I feel like The Owl House has genuinely given me a new appreciation for meta, for fandom and analysis… For headcanons, for writing my own stories and contributing my own ideas and speculations, etc.! It’s contributed SO much joy to me as a hyperfixation, and rapidly risen through my blog as my most frequent tag! And even as I explore other fandoms and hyperfixations, both then and now, especially to pass on this crippling hiatus… This show holds a VERY special place in my heart for me. It’s really made me feel for these characters, the love and sadness, the excitement and sense of comfort… Its love and emotions, angst and found family, lore and speculation, it hits so hard to me in a way that other media hasn’t!
It’s provided representation- Such as canonically queer characters, or protagonists who speak so well to the neurodivergent experience for many people! I’ve had delight in seeing people suggest Amity as autistic, when before Season 1B, I lowkey headcanoned and saw her as such- So seeing more evidence for this resonated deeply in my heart! I remember all of the discussion about King as a character, the confusion and talk about whether or not he WAS a King of Demons, when that first announcement in 2018 had made a similar claim… I looked forward to Eda and Lilith’s relationship, speculated on who cursed Eda, and remembered when I’d considered the Blights as a potential culprit! I remember thinking about Hooty, wondering what his deal is- And thinking then and now about that Owl Deity mural in the Owl House! Watching Luz’s development as a character and as a witch, seeing her become more proficient with magic until it finally pays off with her squaring up against Belos, and wounding him- I’d never felt so proud of a character and their progress before!
There’s still so many more questions and mystery, lore… as well as just genuine character interactions, to look forward to! I think The Owl House is one of my favorite shows of all time… It’s deeply touched me as a person and creator, and I genuinely strive to create something even close to this one day. This show has inspired me, made me laugh and cry, compelled me to creatively make content; It’s introduced me to a wider fandom that I genuinely feel like a part of, had me meet other mutuals… It really is something special to me. And while I am eager for Season 2, I also want to appreciate what Dana Terrace and her crew have already established. I love this show’s art style and animation, the designs and overall weirdness of its characters- I love speculating and thinking about them, getting more and more details, and so forth.
If it’s for a better product, I’m fine waiting for Season 2. And honestly, I love what we already have, and I’ve done a lot with so many people. I’ve even looked over supplementary materials and stuff posted by the crew or news articles, in my need for content… And I love every bit of update, art, and/or acknowledgement of the show’s hiatus, and Season 2’s development! There’s so much to look forward to… And there’s so much that I’ve enjoyed, after plenty of anticipation!
Thank you @danaterrace, and everyone who worked on this- For everything. It really is crazy to reflect on this entire year, to realize it’s been a full year since that first episode, since that first premiere that lit up my world like Luz’s light spells; And it feels like such a milestone that we’ve reached! I look forward to what comes next, and I also intend to keep appreciating and cherishing what we’ve already gotten. Here’s to this show’s second year, people- It’s been such a journey to look back on and remember each step, each phase, each particular moment and stage… And I can only imagine what will come next! This show has SUCH a special place in my heart, and has made me feel in so many ways I haven’t before!
Happy Birthday, The Owl House! You’ve earned it!
#the owl house#toh#owl house#the owl house luz#luz noceda#the owl house eda#edalyn clawthorne#the owl house king#lumity#happy birthday#dana terrace#ramblings#nostalgia#meta
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this discourse is so interesting and hits close to me. I've never felt obligated to post or make content but that's just because I tend to never get notes or interaction (or as much as I think I should get). I'm sure other creators can resonate with this, but it feels like you're a jester humiliating yourself to make your king laugh and he's barely paying attention to all of your efforts that you are specifically doing for him. That's what I feel like being a writer is on Tumblr. I don't feel obligated to write but I pride myself on my work and feel hurt and a little offended when people don't appreciate or notice it when I do. It takes time to cultivate skills and actually make the damn fic, on top of this, it's a hobby and you're not making money from this on top of your real life obligations (school, work, etc), so it's basic decency to give appreciation to works you like. Just my opinion tho and I think that's more of an issue of Tumblr than a personal issue, I may have deviated from the topic a tad
another aspect of the conversation that doesn’t get discussed as much as it should !!!!!! it’s honestly really discouraging when u don’t get a consistent amount of exposure or feedback on ur work. although a lot about this platform is based on individual interests and just making/posting what u want, there’s definitely a bit of a pressure to make things other people will like or to reach a certain number of likes/rbs just to receive that lil bit of extra serotonin that motivates u to keep creating lol. it’s almost funny how quickly being a creator here turns from doing things exclusively to benefit u and not expecting much to come from it into basing every fic or edit on whether or not it’ll gain enough traction. it sucks but it’s kinda inevitable (in my experience and a lot of other people’s experience at least)
it’s almost like every user here is a people pleaser but we all don’t realize it’s not the end of the world if we don’t please each other. so we’re all frantically trying to keep up. and for what.
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Hello, hello! I thought I would reach out for some advice if you don't mind??
I'm very new to the fandom and it's become a hyperfixation of mine, and was glad I found mcytblr because it feels safer than twitter and other social media!! However, I noticed a lot of people considering leaving the last few days because more and more toxicity and negativity is leeching onto here that is akin to twitter. One of my favorite blogs actually went on a possible permanent hiatus over it and it was disheartening to see it affect them that much....
I guess I'm just really panicking and afraid?? I feel like I've joined the fandom during a really volatile time and I'm worried that the toxic side of the fandom, moving on to new fandoms, etc. will drive away my mutuals and such and the vibes won't be the same anymore and get worse and worse. I know realistically, new blogs will likely take their place as new people join, but that doesn't change my anxiety surrounding everything happening on here. It hurts because mcyt has started to mean a lot to me and the community is hurting and there is no sign of it slowing down any time soon...I just...idk if I have the proper words but watching the positive side of mcytblr wanting to leave is affecting more than seeing the negativity on here. I'm worried it'll be a ghost town on tumblr in time despite the ccs + mcyttwt's growing popularity :(
Also, this is techinally a sort of response to your ask post about telling you your vibes! You honestly give off older sister energy and you always seem to have wonderful advice and resonate a comforting energy when you respond to your asks. Hence, why I trust you enough to open up about these concerns. You just have a welcoming presence!! <3
hello there!
first of all thank you so so soooo much for your super sweet and kind words 💖🥺 i really appreciate that, thank you! makes me so happy that you feel comfortable writing to me!!! i'm very happy to hear that :D
second of all, i know often it may seem like it, especially if you frequent twitter more than tumblr, but i fully believe the positivity outweighs the negativity! there are so many lovely, kind, creative, incredible people in this community, that makes me very happy that i ever joined 😊 it's so exciting to be part of such a fun community where you have so many people to talk to, we've all got so much in common it's just really fun!
this got super long so i'll put it under here ❤️
so in my personal opinion, your experience depends entirely on you! i promise you that if you follow the right people, 9 times out of 10 you will not see any negativity unless you look for it! i myself almost had a breaking point and was considering leaving the fandom, because while i was enjoying myself on tumblr - i also had an account on twitter and boyyyyy i was just following all the wrong accounts.
i realised that twitter offers me absolutely nothing, so i've unfollowed everyone and only follow my favourite content creators, a few artists and give or take a fan here or there - people whom i know will not engage in negativity!
on tumblr is even better, because you can tag and blacklist things so you won't see them. makes it even easier to avoid toxicity and negativity. and one of the most important things i learned is that for your own sake, for your own mood and mental health - don't engage. sometimes you really want to, sometimes you see someone say something very ignorant or disrespectful, and you just want to say something, but i promise you it's so much better and easier to just unfollow and go about your day! if anyone is deliberately being nasty to you, just block them, i promise it's not worth engaging!
honestly more often than not, you'll be fighting your curiosity more than negativity. for example i won't see anything bad about dream, but i'll see people say 'did you see what they're saying about him on twitter??' - and i will only see that stuff if i actively go and search for it. so you gotta try your very best to stop yourself from searching for things :P
in a lot of cases i think people make themselves sad unintentionally. because they worry too much or care too much, too often, about things that we don't really need to worry so much about. whether it's about some old controversy, or if dream and george had an off day and suddenly people are stressing out that their friendship is falling apart, or some streamer is accusing them of something - the less attention you give it the better, the less you worry about it the better.
of course it isn't your fault if you hyperfixate, but you have to try your very best to remember that your mental health is most important! so above all, you have to take care of yourself the most! so i think those people that are choosing to leave, are doing just that :) maybe they'll just take a break, maybe they'll come back, maybe they'll stay altogether - but the best thing to do, is doing what you know is best for you!
i don't know if that helped at all, i feel like i just said a lot of words and not a whole lot of sense haha! but my point is that you need to trust yourself the most :) trust that you'll be able to handle if it's too negative at times, trust yourself that you won't let negativity affect you to the extent that it will impact your mental health, and trust that if god forbid it ever gets to that point, that you'll be able to take yourself out of it! ❤️
i'm always here if you wanna chat! :D
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To your rant: AMEN.
(Wrote a part of this to Ace while back but they apparently didn't receive it but I think it needs to be said so)
Honestly at the moment it starts to feel like people request wrong on purpose because they're bored or something and want to irritate people or test if they could get their request across even though it’s breaking their rules... because suddenly everyone seem to get a lot of requests which are breaking the rules. Like whenever I have my spamming events, I get 101 requests which are smut, romantic requests for 13 year old characters whose actors are also 13 and also celebrity requests are common and like those three rules are broken over and over and over again and now everyone else seem to get requests which break their SAME FUCKING RULES all the time. Also the fact that some are like “when your requests are open again, could you write a fic like this?” LIKE NO, REQUESTS ARE CLOSED FOR A REASON, BECAUSE THE WRITER HAS SO MANY REQUESTS THAT THEY NEED TIME TO GO THROUGH THEM BEFORE OPENING THEM AGAIN, AND IT SHOULD BE COMMON SENSE :DDDDD It isn’t like you’re writing only when requests are open.
FYI, WRITERS ARE NOT GONNA ROLL A FUCKING GOLDEN GLITTER CARPET FOR YOU WHICH IS ENTITLING YOU TO REQUEST WHATEVER YOU WANT WHENEVER YOU WANT.
So people please, if you can read all those long stories or binge 50 smaller pieces from a writer at one sitting, you can take time to check out their rules at least if you're gonna request………………… and the same goes for all writers. We. Are. Not. Machines.
And if it won’t go to your thick heads, you can think about what you did and whose fault it is when writers are gone after losing motivation for writing all these fics for you and getting only shit on their faces in return. We don’t even get paid by money, we are paid by feedback, reblogs, you interacting with our writing and btw that's a cheap price for writing your requests. If you continue acting like we’re machines and thinking you can treat us however you want, writers will start dropping out. My motivation to write is finally returning and I'm slowly starting to get back to the rhythm but tbh I’m scared to come back properly because of all these people being rude and breaking rules all the time. Tumblr is becoming a super toxic place and I hate it and I start losing hope that the boat can be turned around, and also started to lose motivation again the next day after I came back even though nothing happened, I just started fearing rudely formatted requests coming at me again, or guilt tripping or people being asses in general. But prove me wrong if you have balls to do that. Turn that boat around. We can all do it together.
We're in a sealed room slowly filling with water, and we have to work together so we can pull the lever to open that one door. But it won't work even if 100 mice (writers + those few who support writers) are pushing one sleeping elephant (readers-only) forward to pull the lever so they wouldn't drown in that room. That elephant has to wake up and help the mice, only that way they can get forward.
Also the fact that people finally got triggered about the fact that I don't feel comfortable to write for HP/Fantastic Beasts for now for obvious reasons :DDDDDDDD I got another last night after I blocked the first one. I can't believe I have such toxic, childish and petty people following me, and same kinds of people are following everyone in this community. People who take us as granted.
I hope things will get better and people learn some manners eventually. Every creator deserves it.
Thank you, Jenni! I know you’ve had to deal with some seriously stupid trolls and people that shouldn’t be allowed on the internet.
Sometimes it does feel like a few trolls are requesting incorrectly on purpose, I was especially frustrated when I saw Lacey answering some requests that had me going like ‘seriously, people?’ And the fact that people disregard the same rules over and over again (especially on your case) just tells me that they care more about their request being written than your comfort, and that sucks. Those people think they’re entitled to our content forgetting we do this for free!
This part you wrote especially resonated with me, it’s so true:
So people please, if you can read all those long stories or binge 50 smaller pieces from a writer at one sitting, you can take time to check out their rules at least if you're gonna request………………… and the same goes for all writers. We. Are. Not. Machines.
I especially try real hard and reread my rules almost every day to make sure they’re short and concise, that I put bold and colors on the absolute most important stuff and people still don’t read correctly or just don’t care.
Like, today I got an ask saying ‘what’s a prompt’. Just that. No question mark, no hi, no nothing. First of all, you can read my rules and my posts to know what they are, I linked examples and you can literally search the tag. It feels like a troll tbh...
You’re absolutely right that Tumblr is becoming an awful place for content creators and it’s up to people to start being more respectful and supportive if they want to avoid Tumblr becoming empty. Content creators make this website, not just us writers but also artists and gif makers and we all deserve some love!
And don’t get me started on the HP/FBAWTFT/JKR bullshit, I really have to restrain myself not to reply ‘shut the fuck up anon’ on every single one of your asks. I myself am thinking about not writing for those fandoms anymore because JKR ruined the series for me and I don’t enjoy writing for it as much as I did, so I will probably remove them from my fandoms list. For now I’m on hiatus for those fandoms, so fight me, anons!
*sigh* I hate that whenever we try to establish boundaries people either disregard them or guilt us for them, it really shows that those awful people only care about their requests and nothing else. There’s people behind the blogs, with real lives and problems and emotions! I do hope that things get better myself, if not I might actually quit one day since I keep thinking about it, and I know and I’m not the only one.
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times have been rough lately, both as a person and as a citizen of a society that, as I recently discovered, is in need of a lot of reconstruction. in light of recent events, I took an unexpected break from writing/tumblr. however, I popped in a few days ago and discovered that a thousand of you birdies have flocked your way over to my blog — whether it be from a fic recs post, a reblog of my content, or from being tagged in someone else’s post — and decided to join me on my journey to showcase my capabilities as a fic writer.
this blog has certainly come a long way since I posted my first fic in december 2019. I created this blog not knowing what to expect. at the time, it had been at least 2 and a half years since I’ve written anything meaningful. I just knew that on top of missing writing, I really wanted to contribute something, anything, to the fandom. writing just happened to be my strongest bet, even though I’m still working to improve my skills to this day. also, I just really needed an outlet to escape from reality for a little bit and to express the love I have for BTS.
to say I’m astounded by how quickly this blog grew in less than a year would be an understatement. I’m truly amazed and still can’t wrap my head around other people reading my fics, feeling a certain way after reading them, and even enjoying them. I’m thankful for every like, reblog, and review that I’ve gotten for my content, even when I sometimes have a hard time expressing how grateful I am. from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
as someone who’s extremely shy, I’m not usually one to express love for anyone besides the people I’ve become close to. but for this milestone, I’ll make an exception just because I’m grateful to have joined this community of talented content creators and we need to take every opportunity to spread love, especially during difficult times like these!
a shoutout to all of these wonderful blogs that have brightened up my dash/activities page — even if we’ve never personally talked before, it’s still wonderful to see all of the content you post, whether it’s a reblog or content you’ve created yourself!
@agustkive ∙ @badbhye ∙ @blossomkoo ∙ @bts-reveries ∙ @cheonjae-min ∙ @dewykth ∙ @diortae ∙ @dylanxmin ∙ @gimmesumsuga ∙ @hoseoksyn ∙ @hueseok ∙ @jamaisjoons ∙ @jingabitch ∙ @joonary ∙ @joonglows ⭐ ∙ @kimcritique ∙ @kitsutaes ∙ @kookswife ∙ @koosgrl ∙ @ladyartemesia ∙ @latetaektalk ∙ @luxekook ∙ @mapofseven ∙ @meowxyoong ∙ @mindays ∙ @minsprings ∙ @moonpjms ∙ @mygsii ∙ @ppersonna ∙ @rougebangtan ∙ @saintjeonofbusan ∙ @sketchguk ⭐ ∙ @softguks ⭐ ∙ @softlyjiminie ∙ @staerrylights ⭐ ∙ @thinksshesawolf ∙ @ve1vetyoongi ∙ @xjoonchildx ∙ @yourdelights
⁂ @joonglows: rheya, my ray of sunshine! you were one of the first friends I made on tumblr, and you reached out to me during the times where I was still trying to get comfortable talking to other writers on tumblr. I say this a lot, but I’m glad we became friends. I can honestly say I never met anyone else who resonated with me more than you do. one of our first conversations was about art and because of that, I discovered my love for art and writing for myself. thank you for always radiating positivity wherever you go. I admire your creativity and I hope you continue to bless the world with your art (and fics). 💘
⁂ @sketchguk: teresa, my literal clone! to this day I’m still in awe that we became friends. I’ll never stop bringing up the fact that before we became friends, I was a reader of yours over a year ago. it feels like I’m talking to my senpai LOL. but in reality, we’re one and the same, to the point where we could even call ourselves twins. it feels so refreshing talking to you because you instantly make any day much better just with your presence. thank you once again for being my friend. I don’t know where I would be without you. 💖
⁂ @softguks: laur, my kuma! my soulmate! you spread so much love and positivity to others that I worry if you’re getting that same love back sometimes. I honestly hope you are because you deserve the world and more. even though we’re just on the way to becoming close friends, I feel like we’re more alike than I thought. every conversation we have always leaves me in a brighter mood. you just have that effect on me (and others), and I’m grateful to have met you. you’re also an amazing writer even when you think you aren’t! you have lots of potential as a writer so keep up the work bubs, and also take care of yourself and stay happy. 😇
⁂ @staerrylights: ahhyun, my hot potato! I’m still looking forward to the day we can talk about our everyday struggles as a barista. you’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met and I’m glad we got closer. we may not have known each other very long but it feels like we’ve been friends for a long time hehe. thank you for always popping in to express your love for my fics ajsjsj I’m surprised you haven’t gotten tired of doing that yet. I hope you’re staying healthy and I can’t wait for you to break my heart with your jungkook fic. 😭
to these wonderful people and those that have read my fics in general, thank you for joining me on my journey as a fic writer, for joining me in expressing the uncontained love I have for BTS. I can’t wait to see where the future takes us from here on out.
with that being said, please take the time to look over my pinned post as I’m sure we’re all very aware of the events that have been taking place recently. stay safe, everyone~
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🌟 Blog Tag Game 🌟
Tagged by my friends: @mistmarauder @acejuddryder @alwaysablossom and @iboatedhere (I am so sorry this took so long, but I really appreciate the tags!)
1. Why did you choose your url?
I love a good oxymoron. Lol. So that’s part of it.
I went to this work conference thing last February (pre-Covid 😳) where one of the sessions talked about mindset, different types and which are healthier.
The presenter discussed the ways that blind optimism can be problematic (facts). Then, they talked about pragmatic optimism. They explained how pragmatic optimism allows us to understand the reality of the problems we face while also retaining confidence in our ability to successfully confront them. I really liked it. It gave me language for something I was already practicing in my own life. So I changed my url and here we are.
2. Any side blogs?
No, just my one little blog! Though I have thought about starting a fic rec side blog, a library of sorts. I read so much fic and I recently started to categorize it for myself in my bookmarks to make it easier to find my favorites. So I thought I could use my Monica Geller powers for the good of the fandom, but it hasn’t gone beyond an idea because what is time? 😆
3. How long have you been on tumblr?
7 years, which is nutty! I took a break here and there, but glad to be back and in the 911 LS fandom.
4. Do you have a queue tag?
I do, but I don’t use it often. It’s #this is how we queue it
(Name that song? I’m a 90s kid 😂)
5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?
I’m a procrastinator. Lol. At the time, I was in grad school and looking for new distractions.
6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?
It’s Betty Suarez! Ugly Betty is my favorite show of all time and Betty is the fictional character whose personality best represents me. When we talk about the importance of feeling seen in TV/Media, Betty is the first time I fully felt seen on screen. Several of her storylines resonated with me and my life. She’s my fav, as is America Ferrera who I have loved since her debut on Disney Channel’s Gotta Kick It Up. (My 90s kid is showing again lol).
I do want to note that recently I have been strongly considering a Carlos Reyes icon…
Betty has some serious competition. 👀
7. Why did you choose your header?
Three words: Carlos Cow Eyes.
8. What’s your post with the most notes?
I can’t just pick one because there are categories 😆. They are all text posts from when I live blog shows, which is funny because normally I don’t think my posts are that interesting. So when a note blows up, it surprises me.
The post with the most notes ever is this one from May when I decided to watch an episode of Grey’s because April was coming back (I ❤️ Japril) and I was hoping the writers would re-open the endgame door. Apparently others agreed with me and we were rewarded (🙌🏾).
The post with the most notes from my 911 Lone Star shouting is this one from the s2 finale and I love that it’s a post about Nancy. So many of us resonated with her in this moment! #foreveramood
And two of my personal favorites are this one about Sierra and this one about Rafael. Grace and Carlos are my absolute favorite characters on this show, in large part because Sierra and Rafael are incredibly talented and wonderful people.
9. How many mutuals do you have?
I have no clue, but definitely more than I would expect to have. What are you all doing here? Lol. I appreciate each of you!
10. How many followers do you have?
532 👋🏽
11. How many people do you follow?
264 making my dashboard lively.
12. Have you ever made a shitpost?
Every Monday night when 911 LS aired 😂. Not as many lately.
13. How often do you use tumblr each day?
This question is rude.
14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?
Nope. I avoid unnecessary conflict/drama in my day to day, so I definitely don’t engage in it here. 🙅🏽♀️
15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?
If it’s for signal boosting important info and world events, 100%. Reblogging to support content creators/writers is also important and something I try to do often. The superstitious ones have an email chain vibe and I don’t really engage with them. Though I am a little “stitious” and there is always that brief moment of hesitation where I go “should I?”
16. Do you like tag games?
Yes!! Even if it takes me a little while to reply sometimes.
17. Do you like ask games?
Double yes!
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
They all are in my eyes, so much talent!
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?
Yup on each one! Honestly, I admire so many of you and it makes me happy to see your posts on my dash every day. 💕
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I’ll tag some people, but I’m super late to this and I think it has made several rounds already. So no pressure!
@daniela-bella @aliceschuyler @sneetchestoo @buckybarnesalways @alilypea @reyescarlos @howtosingit @bellakitse @morganaspendragonss @marjansmarwani and anyone else who would like to do it. Please tag me if you do!
#tag games#blog tag game#about me#this one was fun#i have a few other tag games to catch up on#they’re all in drafts staring at me 😂#will try not to spam folks with tags as i finish them this week
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My Big Sister YouTubers
I watch a lot of YouTube. Sometimes it’s good content, sometimes it’s just mindless videos (both are essential to make up all that is entertainment).
These are three of my favourite content creators who produce inspiring, quality videos and honestly act as some of my biggest role models.
Obligatory disclaimer: I get that their online persona isn’t an accurate reflection of their true selves, that I don’t know them through these videos, that they are humans who can (and do) make mistakes, that they shouldn’t be idolized, etc etc etc. My opinions hereafter are based on their YouTube content, not an assumption of knowing them as people. Also, I’m not trying to clump them together as one stereotype of Asian-American female content creators. They all produce unique content (as I’ll talk about) that appeal to so many things that I personally love, and they also all happen to touch on the Asian-American experience to which I also relate. Okay, moving on.
Anna Akana
youtube
I can’t talk about watching YouTube without mentioning the original icon that is Anna Akana. I’ve been following her videos for at least 6 years now (probably found her through the good ol’ tumblr days) and the style of her content has changed over the years-but then again, so have I. Without a doubt, many aspects of my own personality (comedy, interest in mental health and vulnerability) have been shaped by her influence. I watch her videos and take the messages along with me through life (even unintentionally, down to picking the style of my glasses).
Her videos cover so many things that I resonate with: becoming a better person, dealing with your mental health, building healthy relationships with yourself and others, going through the world as a (mixed) Asian person and as a woman, comedy, quality video production and just trying to express yourself through art. I never feel like my time is wasted watching her videos, and that’s intentional- most of her videos are under 5 minutes long. Of course, this might get me binging multiple videos in one sitting, but the amount of quality information that you get in such a short time prompts you to think about it far longer than the length of the video.
Rowena Tsai
youtube
Rowena’s videos are less about comedy and the entertainment world, instead leaning more on personal development, spirituality, self care and growth—regardless of your personal lifestyle. I’ve been watching her videos for about two years now and I always feel inspired by the calm and reflective aura that they emit. Whenever I’m in a productivity funk, feeling lost in life or out of touch with myself, I love watching her videos to remind myself of the things that matter. She also happens to be a skincare junkie, which is another added bonus to learn more about taking care of myself.
Something unique about her content (to me, in comparison with other things that I watch) is her depth in the “Asian” dimension of being Asian-American. She touches on the dimensions of relationships that she has with her family, the guidance of her spiritual background and other knowledge and resources taken from outside of the Western world. When I watch her videos, it’s not that something is “Taiwanese” and something is “American”—it’s all just part of her experience, with both cultures shaping her views. I always worry in the back of my head, in my own life, whether something is “too Asian” or “too Western”, but seeing others like Rowena embracing both sides without judgment encourages me to do the same.
Ashley (bestdressed)
youtube
Ashley is much younger than the previous two content creators (just a year or two older than myself), making her seem more like a friend than a big sister or mentor. Nevertheless, she has candid wisdom to spit and her experience is far beyond her years. I’ve been watching her on YouTube for probably about a year now and although she began as a fashion channel, I watch primarily just to absorb her passion, dedication to quality work, and experiences going through life in her early 20s. The fashion aspect is also amazing on its own too so although I don’t have that fashion “thimble” (or whatever the equivalent of a “green-thumb” is), I am still entranced to learn more.
Her lessons on life come from personal experience, of which she has plenty—graduating college in two and a half years, moving by herself from small suburban life to Los Angeles, now to NYC, and growing a YouTube channel for years (without her parents even knowing). She emits the energy of someone growing up in today’s age, doing the things that I am often too afraid to do. It’s a different type of inspiration that comes from someone closer to your own age and background (compared to those who might be just a decade older) and her life lessons wrapped up in quick humour and honesty make her story feel all the more real and all the more possible to achieve.
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I’m lucky to be growing up at a time where I can consume media produced by people who look like me and who share my experiences. Though being a content creator is the butt of many jokes, I’m inspired by the messages that these women share and want to be able to do the same someday (whether that’s through videos, blogging or a different medium).
I spend a lot of time on the internet (arguably too much), but at least content like this can sometimes make it worthwhile.
[reposted from 07-23-2020 because original formatting was bad]
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