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badapricot · 3 years

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Lovely Writer: Special 1

This is a rough translation of the first Lovely Writer special. There are 8 in total and other side stories that the author compiled. I’ll try to post 1 a week since they do vary in length, and some are a lot lengthier than this one.

This special is from Nubsib’s POV and it’s about Nubsib remembering his feelings for Gene after seeing him on Facebook, and becoming fixated. Nubsib is 15 at the time and Gene is 20.

At that time, I was in the ninth grade.

Since middle school, my parents had sent me to study abroad with my brother. Because of the wealth of my family, this was never an inconvenience. But living alone in a place that wasn’t your home country required a lot of adjustment, mainly doing everything on your own. You had to learn things that you’ve never seen and known.

This was one of the methods of teaching the sons of the Thanakitpaisan family.

It was their luck to have a son who was mature since childhood. It didn't take long for me to get used to the culture there, where I went to parties, attended sports clubs, worked a part-time job, and even had typical American teen sex. Being Asian did give me some advantages, when it came to distinguishing myself from the others.

I could only smile when talking to the many blonde women who bragged about our experiences in bed, amongst their group of friends. After some time, I felt differently about it.

"Sib.”

"Yes?" I leaned back on the sofa, and raised my head from his screen when I heard my name.

Neung came downstairs. He was wearing a thick gray cardigan with a scarf. "I’m going to go meet a friend. You're not going anywhere today, right? "

"Hmm."

"Okay, I might be coming back late. Please get my package when it arrives. You’re not going out with your girlfriend, right?”

"We broke up.”

"Huh?” Neung frowned. "You dumped another one? Again? You know, you don’t have the face of a womanizer.”

"…"

Neung opened the door of the house. For a moment, the cool outside air blew in, until the hot air from the heater disappeared. I didn’t care much about either, and stayed looking at my phone screen.

I’m not a womanizer.

It’s just that every time I got together with a girlfriend, something felt wrong. I knew I wasn’t in love with the first girl. The others, I didn’t like particularly much. Sometimes the girls didn’t like me much either, and only wanted a partner themselves, so we’d eventually separate.

It was true, that I was only in the ninth grade. But sex here was too normalized. It had become so normal that I’d become bored. When sex became so commonplace, all excitement was lost.

Mom: (send picture)

Mom: I’ve sent you Thai ingredients that should be delivered soon. They’ll be waiting for you.

Mom: Today, I went to see Aunt Run, do you still remember the house next door? Today is the Aunt's birthday. All of her sons have come home.

Mom: I saw it and I missed you and Neung.

I looked at the message that popped up, from the other side of the world. It was dark here, but over there it was probably in the middle of the day. It was time for them to eat.

Mom: Do you remember Gene? Gene and Jap are all grown up.

Gene?

After reading my mother’s message, it was natural to think of the past. I missed it. During my childhood I would run and play with him everyday, and just the same, Gene would play with me almost every day.

I still remembered “P’Gene” clearly after all these years.

We were five years apart. But we somehow became closer than me and my own brother. Since I moved out of the house, we never saw each other again. We didn’t have any more contact with each other.

When my mother talked about that time, I felt nostalgic.

I moved my finger to type to ask for a picture from my mother. In the end, I sent a simple sticker. I sat on the sofa in the living room for awhile before retiring to my bedroom to shower.

In my warm bedroom, so different from the night air outside, I picked up my phone again. I went to Facebook to catch up with everything back home. My finger kept scrolling through my news feed, my face blank. I started to feel sleepy, but before I could fall asleep I saw a status.

I wasn’t friends with the person who posted. But I was friends with his mother, who was tagged in the photo.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture.

This year, my mother has lost another year, haha.

In the picture was a group of six people. The background was a wide garden and a long table. Both of my parents, and Auntie Run and Uncle Teep were there. But the one that most caught the eye was the man in the lower right corner.

The other person grinned until his eyes were crescents. His hands were raised, flashing a peace sign. His hand held a cake tray with a delicious golden egg. The corner of the mouth was stained with white cream, like he was teasing someone. He was smiling, which made his cheeks round and full.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. For a second, there was a strange numbness in my fingertips and toes.

I didn’t need anyone to tell me who that was.

P’Gene.

He was still wearing a white uniform shirt. It had been many years since we’d met, if counted by age. Gene would have been in university for three years.

Usually, I was the kind of person who didn’t care about the people around me, or anyone else. But this time, I couldn't control my fingertips. I clicked onto Jap’s Facebook page.

Chasing him down, I found a status posted with the person I was looking for tagged.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture

My brother brought me to the movies. What kind of crazy alien movie is this? I might puke, but maybe you guys on Facebook will like it.

The post was from three days ago. One was a picture of a cinema ticket on the top floor of a department store in the heart of Bangkok and the other was of P’Gene in a T-shirt and jeans. He hugged a bucket of popcorn. His hand was holding a large glass of water, lifting it up to his lips and sucking. It was a funny candid photo that many of his friends on Facebook commented on to make fun of him.

...but for me, the only word that came to mind was “lovely”.

I didn’t know why I was doing this but I pressed “save that image”.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture

My stupid little brother, you make the whole house look bad.

They were in a garden in the corner of the house that felt familiar to me, but was a little fuzzy. They were in front of a flower bush that had been trimmed into a square. Gene was sitting down, with his butt on the ground. A blue hose fell next to him, the hose spraying in another direction. It made him wet all over soaking his shirt, the thin material clinging to his body.

Both of his arms were behind him, to support his body. Therefore, his shirt and body were stretched, so I could see two small nubs contrasted and poking through his white shirt.

My eyebrows furrowed together, and I frowned.

I cursed when my body immediately had a strong reaction, just from the one picture.

I pressed the comment section, when I saw the high number of comments.

Jiranon Jarernpipat: Jap stop posting pictures of other people.

(Reply) Jap Jarernpipat attached video clip.

I clicked play immediately.

"Ow, P’Jap!”

“Hahaha, why would you say you’ll help me water the plants? You can help if the grass is dead.”

“Can you turn off the water for me first? Why are you recording?”

P’Gene raised his white hand. He wiped the water from his face, and pushed himself off the ground. His shirt clung to his body, so I could see everything. He had the voice of a man, but he was still so cute.

Finally, the clip ended.

There were still a lot of other videos that Jap posted pranking Gene, all of which stopped me from becoming bored. I saved all of them to my phone and computer. In the end, when more and more accumulated, I created a whole separate folder.

That night when I fell asleep, my brain was filled with pictures of the boy next door, who I hadn’t seen in years.

Another morning, days later, I woke up frowning, and I had to gently breathe out. I’d dreamt of P’Gene again. Since seeing that picture that night, there hadn’t been a day where I could go without seeing his face.

I knew Gene’s Facebook. But he didn’t update much, except to change his avatar or cover photo. But Jap’s Facebook page had tons of pictures of Gene. So I was still able to look at Gene’s pictures and progress in life everyday, like some kind of psychopath.

Even when I closed my eyes to sleep sometimes, I still saw his pictures.

I didn’t want to be this way, but I couldn’t control my subconscious.

I always saw Gene lying in my wide bed. He would smile at me, his cheeks soft and reddish. His hands would hold on to me, and his mouth would gently say, “Sib.”

It was a fantasy that any teenage boy would have. But it wasn’t a woman. Instead, it was the boy next door, who always loved and saw me as a brother.

I circled back to look at his pictures every day. In the end, the feeling accumulated like a huge mountain of snow.

I want to meet him in real life.

I want to hug him.

I want to smell him.

I want to kiss his mouth. I want to do to him what I do in my dreams.

Since the day I saw his picture and until today, my thoughts and feelings had become more and more intense. So intense, that sometimes I was afraid of myself.

I’d already decided how I’d deal with this.

“Will you finish school here?” Neung had packed all his bags and was ready to go because he finished his studies. I leaned against the door frame, looking into his room.

“Actually, it’s nice here too, you know.”

"No, I'm going home."

“So you’ve changed your mind then?”

I nodded.

“Well, our house is nice and of course, our parents miss you too.”

"…"

"I'm not going to be here anymore, don't bring any women into the house...but you're not dating any girls lately. So it's fine."

I sent off my brother, who took a taxi straight to the airport to go back home to Thailand. Personally, I still had a year to complete my studies.

In the past, I had never thought or worried about how fast or slow time would pass. But now, I felt jealous of my brother.

Back at the house, I picked up the phone. I was still for a while. Maybe it was because Neung had returned to Thailand, but I felt like chasing pictures wasn’t enough anymore. My fingers moved before I could decide to send a message to someone.

Nubsib tanagijpaisarn: P'Jap.

Nubsib tanagijpaisarn: Do you remember me?

I wanted to talk to someone who could tell me everything about P’Gene.

I wanted to learn everything about him.

#lovely writer #lovely writer the series #lovely writer spoilers #gene x nubsib #text

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jippy-kandi · 3 years

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Digimon Adventure: 2020 – Episode 39: Jyagamon, Potato Hell (Review)

Thoughts on the thirty-ninth episode of the Digimon Adventure reboot series.

Better late than never? :D I didn’t forget about this episode . . . it was just so ridiculous that I put off rewatching it until I had to. XD; The episode started off well for me - but then quickly went downhill.

The haven for traveling Digimon is very convenient for filler break. Just sayin’. :P

So the kids are reunited but the series still has an issue with actually having all eight together and interacting . . . together. They split them up so half of them visited the restaurant, while the other half - including the two smallest kids - looked for somewhere to “park” the dog? WHEN IN THE OVERVIEW SHOT, THERE WERE SO MANY PARKING SPOTS. Sorry, but that resty is not popular! :P

BUDMON!!! And Floramon. And Burgamon. Super cute Digimon!

Sora: “Isn’t this [restaurant] like the highway service areas?” Mimi: “Is it?” Sora: “You’ve never seen one?” Mimi: “My house usually travels by plane, so . . .” LMAO MIMI, WHAT FLEX.

Jou losing his mind over the Digimon letting fries go to waste was so ridiculous . . . but I LOL’ed, so, yay? :P I love fries. But damn, son! Get a grip!

Jou’s story and attachment to fries is . . . again, ridiculous. But at least the series gave him something? He ate fries in peace as an escape from cramming. Cool. OK, Toei, whatever. I mean . . . it’s nice that they tried? But Jou’s extreme attachment was just weird.

OMG POTAMON IS SO CUTE! <3 There is an overload of cute Digimon in this episode.

But Jou connecting to Potamon through a love of fries was, again, utterly ridiculous . . . I’m overusing this word, but I’m at a loss. XD;

Palmon: “I think they [Jou and Potamon] became friends.” Mimi: “Potato buddies, so they’re potato buds.” GOLDEN! OK, all is forgiven for POTATO BUDS being coined by Queen Mimi. XD;

The fries being discontinued as an “issue” was . . . so beyond absurd. I could take the first half of the episode as a fun, quirky filler, but it lost me with the fries. :P But I guess kids wouldn’t mind it . . .

I like how the kids eating felt no need to get the other kids to eat, too. What nice friends . . . :P

Yamato lifting up Takeru to wash the dog was so cute! <3

So Potamon evil-evolved to Jyagamon because . . . fries are being discontinued. Um. Seriously???

Yamato continues his trend of being a Daddy with rescuing tiny Digimon - this time Pusurimon. <3 ARE YOU WATCHING, SORA? HE’LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR FUTURE BABIES.

This episode was basically a huge slap in the face that I’m too old to be watching Digimon, LOL. And I am. I’m just doing it for my attachment to the OG. Jou’s connection/empathy with Potamon/Jyagamon’s feelings regarding discontinued fries is . . . so . . . ridiculous . . . I . . . can’t . . .

The action was great, though. Angewomon infusing Zudomon’s Hammer with her Holy Arrow was nice . . . until Jou grabbed/used the hammer himself, which brought the episode back to being too ridiculous and I just can’t again. :P

Sora basically solves the episode’s "conflict” - the Digimon can make other foods out of the potatoes to eat, so fries can still be made . . . and this is given as a footnote, as Sora always is to Toei. Footnote Sora is her real name. :P

Oh! NEW ENDING!!! The song is a miss for me, but the art is GORGEOUS! Look at how cute Sora and Yamato are! And the others, too. But mostly Sora and Yamato, hahaha. <3

I know this was supposed to be a fun, silly, filler episode . . . but it was too silly for me. And it really stuck out like a sore thumb because it was such a drastic change from the “serious” episodes the reboot has mostly been. The series should be balanced better - I would’ve accepted this episode more if there had been a series of serious/fun episodes leading up to this. I’m also torn between thinking Jou is a good character, or a bad character . . . I’m still unsure. I guess I’ll decide at the end of the series.

The next episode (which I will review on schedule . . . hopefully!) appears to be Sora-focussed (though split with Sir Hair . . . hopefully he doesn’t steal too much of her screentime). What do I expect from the episode? Well, what I want is for Toei to inject some much needed personality into both Sora and Taichi - so they would stop being so bland and generic. But what I expect is . . . action, action, action. orz

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure:#digimon adventure 2020 #jou kido #taichi yagami #yamato ishida #sora takenouchi #mimi tachikawa #review #screenshots #spoilers #this episode was way too silly for me...

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beeblackburn · 3 years

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The Anti-TBR Tag

I was tagged by @books-and-doodles! Thank you! And poor you, for I am a long-winded bastard.

1. A popular book EVERYONE loves that you have no interest in reading?

On general principle, I feel like the really popular stuff (Twilight, Throne of Glass, Divergent, The Mortal Instruments) ends up being stuff I’m inherently not going to be attracted to and some of them have their own hatedoms going on, so going after them in detail would be punching down (though I don’t particular like any of the above). So I’m going to try to go off the beaten path with these seven:

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab = nothing against her personally, though I heard her The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue was baaaaad, but apparently, she’s similar to Sanderson in the magic system being better than the characterization and I heard her writing’s got a white faux-female empowerment sort of thing going that I’m growing increasingly... discontent of by itself. I might try it out later, but I also got hundreds of books to drill through first and I’m in no rush.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo = I’ve been increasingly getting the sense that Six of Crows was a flash in the pan, Bardugo’s style more defined by fun than genuine substance. And given a rather scathing review that points out unearned shifts in characterization, lackluster supporting cast, and two really uncomfortable exploitative sexual assault fantasy scenes (one of which was underaged!), I’m gonna say no.

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik = I generally like Novik! She’s a very solid writer to me and I’ve bought most of her books, so this is purely me not taking to the Wizarding School genre. Sorry, Novik, "a twisted, super dark, super modern, female-led Harry Potter" isn’t the selling point it once was, and even then, I probably wouldn’t have taken to it. Especially when I’ve already got The Gray House by Mariam Petrosyan to read.

The Alloy of Law by Brandon Sanderson = I’ve got mixed feelings on Mistborn looking back: it’s hardly the worst of his oeuvre (Elantris is that and was admittedly his first book) and The Final Empire took a few narrative risks that I admire, I also found the resulting books a tad juvenile and I don’t take to steampunk, genre-wise. I’m not even that much of a Sanderson fan, so I’d rather just read the summary for all I care.

Storm Front by Jim Butcher = given what I’ve been told about The Dresden Files’ lessening of noir roots past the first few books, how it later became more flashy-and-bang magical, and how it’s pretty sexist early on (and from what I’ve been told, doubled down on it later on and having worse treatments of its female characters), I’m in no particular rush to read them. The urban fantasy genre on them only turns me off more.

The Doors of Stone by Patrick Rothfuss = hahaha, I’m sorry, I did read The Name of the Wind, and read select parts of The Wise Man’s Fear, but everyone, instead of waiting and devoting your time for this book to come, I would suggest reading Fitz, Who Is Actually Good and Can Wring More than Disgust and an Eye-Roll out of You in Robin Hobb’s Realm of the Elderlings, given she is far better at characterization than Rothfuss.

Anything by Paul Krueger, Sam Sykes, and Myke Cole = fuck all three of these men and the idea that I’ll pay for their stuff. While I can’t demand any of you not buy from them and I’ll hardly claim to be a saint in terms of ethics, purchase-wise, I would beseech you all please don’t buy from these three authors who have a history of inappropriateness.

2. A classic book (or author) you don’t have an interest in reading?

Charles Dickens = look, I know his word count is padded because of serial installments back then, but I’m sorry, I wasn’t that impressed by the child-sanitized versions of Great Expectations and Oliver Twist. They were easily some of the most boring of out of the child-sanitized classics I read. It was the pictures that kept me going and barely at that. No thanks.

Emily Brontë = look, if I wanted shitty people being shitty to each other, I’d much rather read Joe Abercrombie because at least I’ll get some intentional dark comedy out of dumb shitheads being terrible to each other (Best Served Cold comes to mind). And I know we’re not meant to like these self-destructive people, but I’d rather not hate everyone that much.

Alexander Dumas = Three Musketeers really didn’t age well, just from the TV Tropes page and I’m not really looking forward to an adventure that goes out of its way to valorize its protagonists being adventurous assholes who dueled, drank, and womanized harder than anyone else and we should commend that because they were men. Ugh.

3. An author you have read a couple of books from & have decided their books are not for you?

Leigh Bardugo = like I said, I feel like Six of Crows (and Crooked Kingdom, to a lesser extent) was a flash in the pan and she’s been increasingly running on fumes ever since then. Good and fun with a decent eye for characterization, but hardly revolutionary, considering how I think Crooked Kingdom isn’t quite as good as Six of Crows, and the less said about Shadow and Bone, the better.

Neil Gaiman = I’ve read some of his stuff (and I didn’t quite see the hype over his writing, but liked it decently enough) but having heard that, in his Sandman run, he wrote in a transwoman solely to get killed for an emotional ending and how he defended that choice for awhile left a battery acid taste for me to read more. He’s a formative part of people’s childhoods, so I don’t blame anyone for being fans, he’s just not for me.

Steven Erikson = really nothing against the dude, I’m sure he's probably a decent guy, but I didn’t take to Gardens of the Moon at all and skimming Deadhouse Gates and Memories of Ice (which were admittedly better) made me realize its prose was something I would need a hard and sharp shovel to crack through, and the darting around of many, many POVs made me feel not invested in anyone.

4. A genre you have no interest in OR a genre you tried to get into & couldn’t?

I’ll answer both because I have the time:

I’m not interested in romance, mostly because it’s an entire genre built around the build-up. It’s usually the story about the beginning of a relationship, not the relationship itself. I’d genuinely like to read about the story of a romance that doesn’t stop shortly after the hook-up or before the honeymoon period ends. The City Watch parts of Discworld by Terry Pratchett, The Memoirs of Lady Trent by Marie Brennan and The Sharing Knife by Lois McMaster Bujold all have romantic elements that are relatively undrenched in melodrama or frills, but none of them are pure romances, which is a huge problem. I can take romantic subplots in fantasy, but I can’t take the genre as-is.

Urban fantasy is a genre I’m not against having my mind changed on liking, but right now, I generally find it insipid, a shortcut to good world-building, short on great characterization, and an excuse to lampshade and pretense to being above fantastical clichés in a tongue-in-cheek attitude while still committing to them. I do genuinely like Rivers of London by Ben Aaronvitch, but that’s really the concession I can give the entirety of the genre. I took a crack at Rick Riordan and Cassandra Clare’s stuff, but it didn’t feel like my sort of thing. Again, would like to be convinced, but I’d much rather read a domestic or slice-of-life fantasy set in a more overtly fantasy world than the urban one.

Also, sci-fi, but I’m trying again with the Wormwood trilogy by Tade Thompson, An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon, and either the Imperial Radch trilogy by Ann Leckie, or the Teixcalaan trilogy by Arkady Martine. I snoozed through Azimov’s Foundation and generally bored myself of hard sci-fi books, so I’m hoping contemporary sci-fi changes my mind on the entire genre.

5. A book you have bought but will never read?

A book I personally bought? Honestly, Traitor’s Blade by Sebastien de Castell. No particular reason, I just bought it at a closing-down sale at a branch of my bookstore on the cheap because the cover looked nice and didn’t really take to its blurb. I heard good things though, so if anyone else wants to read it...

I tag @vera-dauriac, @xserpx, @autoapocrypha, @kateofthecanals, @turtle-paced, @insecticidalfeminism, @secretlyatargaryen, @helix-eagle-hourglass-nebula, @xillionart, @jovolovo and whoever else that is following me and wishes to do this tag (I’d like to read your posts, so please tag me! :D)

#tags #book tag #anti tbr tag

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theskyexists · 2 years

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I am reading as yet unsent and I am smiling so much and saying 'MY GOD!' so often

JUDITH!!!!!!!!

'we had an argument'

Her repression is so matter of fact - she defines herself BY it

The absolute amazing banter and conversations between Judith and Corona and Camilla

Corona noting that she's lucky to be alive for having put that shit to Camilla that way lol

I love how in between the disaffected narrative they take care of one another - and I LOVE seeing all the implications about the Empire confirmed. How the FACK did Muir misdirect me so long - basically the whole damn first book!!!

Corona is a princess, A KING

CORONA invited Judith as her only guest EVERY YEAR - the only one immune to her charms and games

THAT IS SO CUTE AAAAA THEIR CHILDHOOD PLAY

MERCYMORN!!!!!!

God I love her. The frustration and arrogance! Hahaha

Camilla thought about Gideon's age at death Corona caressed Gideon's dead face. So this is what it is. If Harrow hadn't absorbed Gideons soul, she never would have died to that spike. The ninth WAS sweet.

GODDAMN IT JODY!!!!!!

Note: this short story implies that Corona is going to MAKE a job opportunity and become king of the nine houses

#now i care only about judith and corona and camilla #i dont care i dont care #just give me a whole book about judith somehow fucking - breaking through her imperial fucking conditioning #god #GOD THIS WAS DELICIOUS #this is my favourite #MY GOD!!!!!#ninth #vidi #as yet unsent #WHY MARTA #why did you do this!!!!#i kept forgetting that the cavalier-adept relationship isnt just something of the elite #but it is clear to me now #my stuff

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patheticwithanem · 3 years

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2020 in Retrospect

Hey friend,

I know it’s late, but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I kind of promised myself I’m writing about the year that was. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe it’s to put things in perspective going in to 2021? And today’s my fourth year anniversary with my employer, so I guess it’s perfect timing? (More on that later)

So I was going through my notes (I have this habit of writing down what happens on a daily basis - be it activities, emotions, drama, name it) and one thing’s for sure. 2020 SUCKED. It did. But I’m committing to this no matter what!

First things first: lots of profanities along the way. Well actually, I was about halfway writing the letter when fucking Tumblr decided to refresh and delete what I’ve been writing for about one fucking hour now. So I have to fucking do it all over again. If this is the Lord telling me to stop being sentimental about 2020, fret not my Lord! I’m one stubborn son of a bitch, so I’m carrying on.

Here’s how the rest of the year unfolded. 2020. Let’s go.

JANUARY. Reunions?

January 1. Had a get-together with a few relatives in Malabon. It was fun! I used to be so allergic to family reunions but I guess age creeping in changes you? You value people even more now? This was also the last time we’re able to spend some time with my uncle from Singapore. He brought his family to spend the holidays here. He’s a sweetheart and a great father who’s missed.

January 9. I attended a college dormmate’s wedding. I remember contemplating whether to go or not only to realize I’m actually lucky to be even invited given the fact that I chose to be distant for them for a long while. I also told myself that not showing up is so far from what I’m trying to be. Although I wasn’t there for the whole thing, I’m glad I did come. I was able to bond with my roommates once again whom I treated like brothers ten years ago and that was nice. A not-so-close dormmate even introduced me to his boyfriend and that’s huuuuge. The bride was beautiful too, and I’m glad she’s in the best place right now after all she’s been through. She’s a strong one, that girl.

January 11. Got invited to a birthday pool party of a colleague at work. I have to say I’m actually quite surprised I was invited to this. She’s always had my back though and always kind of looked after me, so I had to go. It was fun but I didn’t get drunk AT ALL.

January 12. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. The Taal Volcano erupted. It was awful especially for everyone living near the area because everything was covered with ash. It was also a day before my brother’s birthday and we thought the ashfall would be worse the next day so we decided to celebrate earlier.

January 19. Went to a fiesta. Did not expect to survive that at all. It was a different kind of neighborhood, but the people were nice.

January 25. Went to a public market with co-workers to buy clothes, eat chicken wings for dinner and then our regular fix of karaoke. Good times.

Anything else? I was able to book a birthday trip to Yogyakarta, which I eventually canceled because of youknowwhat. Tragic.

February. Blindside!

February 7. Blindside’s a bitch. Yes, that’s what I had written on my notes. I legitimately felt blindsided. So story: I have a friend who I found out was pregnant (let’s call her Ms. Preggy, sorry) and me and her bestfriend (let’s call him Work Son because he was my work son in a lot of ways) decided to hold an intervention for her. The four of us including a friend I’m going to call The-Now-Bestie (kind of a spoiler) whom I had a misunderstanding and was not in speaking terms with will be coming to Work Son’s place. Essentially, the goal was to make Ms. Preggy open up about her pregnancy and her issues with the douchebag father; make her feel that she has us and she doesn’t need to be alone in this. I think it went well, in that regard. However, the whole thing was awkward in epic proportions. It’s as if me and The-Now-Bestie didn’t want to acknowledge each other’s existence, and when we didn’t have a choice, we were sarcastic to each other. I also really felt like an outsider among the four that time; like I wasn’t supposed to be there and wasn’t really contributing to anything. It was a really lonely feeling. I decided to distance myself to them after that.

February 13. WINNERS AT WAR PREMIERE! Words can’t even express how excited I was to see some of my heroes again on screen! Parvati with that “phoenix rising from the ashes” confessional? Damn, girl! Still a fucking legend! It was also nostalgic Yul working his godfather magic once again. I’ve always seen him as a top-tier winner and someone I looked up to for what he represented to the Asian community and the history of Survivor. It was also nice seeing Kim, Tyson, Tony, Sophie, Natalie and Sandra. But I must say I kind of missed Todd. He was my favorite winner and was a great storyteller, a great strategist and a great character with an amazing comeback story. He would’ve been perfect for a season with this caliber of players. And as much as I hate Jeff Probst for shoving him down our throats, I wanted to see Cochran play with these winners! Caramoan’s my first season (a late superfan, yes) and he’s the very reason I got so hooked with the show. I used to think it’s a game where people like me never win. So to see someone like Cochran who’s awkward in every sense of the word (and owning it) win Survivor, it is very inspiring. I like speaking in metaphors and it’s funny how much metaphorical Survivor can be to how I see life now. I see Cochran and if he can win in Survivor, I feel like I can win in life, as silly as that sounds. Cochran sucked his first season, but he then went on to play this dominant game his second try while still managing to be the adorkable underdog that he is. I love that story. Man, I get so worked up when I talk about Survivor! I wish I had that same passion with anything else.

February 19. Mom slipped and had to be rushed to the nearest ER. Good thing there were no fractures and she was fine. I guess we can thank the fats for that? LOL

February 21 ‘til 23. WEEKEND STAYCATION! I needed this! Drinking at the hotel taproom with a live band? YES! Indian for lunch and surf-and-turf buffet for dinner? YES YES YES! That lamb chops, MY LORD. Thank you.

February 29. Leap Day. I started journaling again.

March. FUCKING COVID.

March 16. The Start of the Lockdown we all come to love now (punk, sarcasm).

March 17. Politics is so taboo to discuss especially over dinner. But then BAM. I had a major fight with my dad (and by major, I mean MAJOR in a get-out-of-the-house-in-the-middle-of-the-pandemic kind of major). It was basically about a comment he made that’s so misogynistic (towards the Vice President) that I just knew I can’t just let go. It was sooo bad I got all pissed, and when I’m pissed, I can get scary. Maybe it’s the voice or the eyes or both, but the fight got really heated on the verge of getting physical. Which now that I think about it is stupid just because of fucking different political views. Well, I can never get behind the President and they’re huge fans of him and I’ve come to terms with that but it’s just... bleh. I’m not even gonna try to rationalize it because I can’t. It’s just.. disgusting. Oh fucking well.

April. Wander-fucking-lust.

April 1. I started a 30-day Financial Detox which basically meant no unnecessary expenses. No online shopping, no paying for leisure. None. It was April Fools, but I was dead-set on saving! (Spoiler alert: I failed.)

April 6. Meltdown. I just really couldn’t hold it in anymore.

April 11. Dad’s birthday. After not talking for over a month (which is no easy feat in a tiny condominium unit), we acknowledged each other’s presence. By April 15, it’s like nothing happened anymore. He even gave me a home haircut (which for a beginner, is pretty good). On other news, I started watching The Politician on Netflix and t’was the day I started obsessing on Ben Platt and his music.

April 16. A year ago, I was enjoying sidewalk pho and almost making friends at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Saigon Skydeck of the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh. Damn, covid.

April 18. That crazy border-crossing from Saigon to Phnom Penh a year ago. That was fulfilling. Damn, covid.

April 19. A year ago, I was experiencing sunrise at Angkor Wat. Wander-fucking-lust UGH.

April 30. That Town Hall shoutout from our company’s President because of reaching my quota from last month. That really felt good. As much as I hate to admit it, I like being validated from time to time. It definitely meant a lot especially coming from her who took a chance on me. I was patting my back.

MAY. Endure. Let Go.

May 14. KING TONY WON. Very well-deserved win. A disappointment of a season if you ask me, but props to the king for dominating an all-winners season. Respect for that. Also Natalie and Michele played great games as well and they should be very proud of themselves. I feel like a proud father to these winners HAHAHA!

May 16. Was pleasantly surprised with Dead to Me. That car scene between Jen and Judy on that ninth episode from the second season? Damn. That’s one of the few moments I teared up because of a TV show. That was powerful. All that tension building up and then that sudden release? I really felt that.

May 26. Why do I always feel all this fucking rage inside of me? I try to think of any triggers but I can’t seem to find one that’s actually reasonable. It’s like the isolation getting the best of me. I initially thought quarantine’s going to be a cakewalk for an introvert like myself, but it wasn’t the case. I feel like I’m losing my shit because I was stripped off of the usual things I have access to whenever I feel uneasy and anxious and angry like this. Endure, let go, I know. But it’s so much easier said than done, right?

JUNE. Breathe.

June 12. So the plan to sell the condo and find a new place is real. We went to this great place in Valenzuela and it was a great house and all but I felt weird. Maybe I was having trouble letting go? Maybe it’s just me being averse to change yet again?

June 15. Slept 6am for that How To Get Away With Murder series finale. That speech. VIOLA. Chills all over my body.

June 18. New phone was delivered. That was fast.

June 27. First time visiting the village we moved to. We were checking a different house this time and was already picturing us living there. Still felt weird, but maybe less.

Looking at it now, I realize almost nothing happened in this stretch of months. Pathetic.

JULY. Change (that’s not necessarily good lol)

July 3. The Anti-Terrorism Bill signed. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT.

July 10. Doomsday. The ABS-CBN renewal disapproved. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. Also, that first house we checked was bought this day. First heartbreak.

July 22. Decided to donate to one of my elementary teachers to help finance school supplies for his students in the province. That felt good.

July 24. folklore’s goooood. This is the Taylor Swift sound that I love. (I had to write that down because that was a 2020 highlight to be honest)

AUGUST. Getting older. Again.

August 2. Donated to another cause: to help a really close friend’s mom (who’s a school principal) on financing their students’ lesson modules (they needed more paper so the donation was going to be used to buy more paper). That felt good.

August 3. Started obsessing on Dear Evan Hansen. I mean come on. HOW COME I ONLY KNEW OF THIS NOW?!?! The story, the acting, the soundtrack... it felt like I asked the Lord for a musical for me and he gave this on a silver platter.

August 9. Lasagna, baked sushi, lechon belly, pansit, cake. Weird combination, I know, but that’s me!

August 11. Discovered the Slowly app. Changed my life since then! I’m not even exaggerating. I guess it has to do with feeling extremely lonely amid the pandemic and getting this platform where you can talk to literally anyone while still keeping your anonymity. And it strips you off of instant gratification you’re so used to because you actually have to wait for your letters to be sent and to arrive. A great exercise for patience if you ask me! And since you have to wait, you make your letters longer and more worthwhile. It’s a platform free of judgment which relies heavily on building actual mental and emotional connections. It’s a gift, truly. NOT EXAGGERATING; YES I’M THAT LONELY.

August 23. The house search continued. This time, the South!

August 24. It was my first time watching a Korean drama and I gotta say I get the hype now. Korea makes great stories and they take their time when telling these stories. The story centering about mental health was definitely what got me to try watching It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, but the show’s so much more than that. That was a great watch.

SEPTEMBER. Finally some light?

September 1. Second year anniversary. I still really miss her.

September 5. My cat’s 5th birthday! Of course we had to celebrate for her with baked macaroni and burnt cheesecake.

September 11. Lost uncle. He gave a good fight.

September 19. SENSE8. It’s a show that doesn’t need any explaining. It’s the BEST. I love this cast SO MUCH. I remember thinking if I ever get a tattoo (which is unlikely), I’ll maybe have the title of that Sense8 series finale inked on me. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA. Love conquers all.

September 27. After a series of unfortunate events, we were led to this house on the same village we keep going back to, and the moment we saw it, we were sold. This is going to be our house. And it happened.

OCTOBER. Surprises?

October 6. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 12. Booked a trip for next year because I’M HOPEFUL AS FUCK.

October 21. Had the best conversation I had in a long time.

October 22. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 28. Organized a digital event for work. I’m still on the fence whether I’m proud of it or not. It was my first event, and I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. While I enjoyed all the preparation that came with it, from making that tactical marketing plan to coordinating with the organizers and my team, I felt like it was bland. There were lapses here and there and I know that we all tried the best we could, but maybe I just pictured it a little better in my mind? It wasn’t a flawless event and maybe I wanted it to be flawless. But it was fun. I never would’ve imagined me hosting an event, but I did.

NOVEMBER. Decisions.

November 14. So news came and we’re finally moving. The buyer of the condo got approved and it was only a matter of weeks to settle documents and payment and we’re good to go. I had mixed feelings about it. It took me back to that time we started looking for houses. I wasn’t exactly ready to let go of the place I grew with for the past five years. And I wasn’t also ready to let go of the convenience, and the relationships I only have started building with friends I found along the way. But at that moment I knew I had to be happy because they were happy. My family was happy. I knew I have to be happy.

November 21. Started all the packing. Packing meant decluttering and reminiscing, so letting go of more things which was overwhelming at first, but inevitable.

November 23. I had something checked in the hospital, and something happened and it wasn’t supposed to go that way but it did and it was so fucking bizarre lol

November 28. HAPPY MOVING DAY. It’s that day of the year. Stress was off the charts because of the time constraint and frankly, the lack of preparedness. Good thing a few people helped us with the rest of the packing. It was an impossible task for me and my sister alone so we were glad we got all the help we needed. I did most of the heavy lifting, so I had bruises all over my body for weeks, but after all was said and done, it felt surreal. Felt like everything coming full circle. That first night in the new home? I’ll never forget that. That was special.

December. The end of an era.

December 2. I went back to the condo to stay for a few more days. Get to feel the place one last time. Also lost a huge deal at work to a competitor. I usually really get depressed with these losses, but for some reason I felt indifferent about it. I guess it was my mind telling me I’ve mentally checked out of work already? That maybe it is really time to move on to something that’ll make me care about what I do again? Make me feel again?

December 4. Met someone (who we can call the Professor) I’ve been talking to for a while now. We’ve had some really great conversations leading to this night; talks at 3AM that’s kind of liberating? I was upfront about the moving and that I only have a few days left in the place which is probably why it happened. Professor was also upfront about leaving the country in a few months for an opportunity to work and do research in Japan for five fucking years. It was awkward at first; but we eventually warmed up to each other and spent the night together.

December 5. Things escalated pretty quickly. The Professor gave me a shower (that was weird but I was feeling it and I thought it was sweet and sexy?). We cuddled until we slept and there was breakfast prepared when I woke up. I don’t usually get to experience this kind of stuff so I really appreciated that. I was feeling it. I thought I can get used to this! I left the place and was invited back again so I stayed over for another night. We’ve had a few more interesting conversations. I was not expecting some of the things we discussed especially the talk about long-distance relationships. The Professor asked me what I think about it and I was honest; I’m not against it but it’s not something I’ll take a chance on if I wasn’t sure about it. Mantra’s always been connection first before commitment. I’m not the “take a leap of faith” kind-of guy; I needed to be sure. Or at the very least be really mentally and emotionally connected with the person. I thought that made perfect sense. I still do.

December 6. So it was finally goodbye. Me and my sister went to the nearest church to donate a few clothes and shoes and to attend a mass. Bid farewell to the Professor too and promised each other to keep in touch. I also had an awkward encounter with my sister’s “friend” who she sneaked in the condo for God knows what for. Pretty sure they did the nasty.

December 13. We went to our old house (the one I spent my younger years in) to get a few stuff for the new house. I only really wanted to get my old bicycle because I want to be biking regularly for the next year. I want to take that fitness journey seriously! So I got the bike and I got to spend some time with some childhood friends. Good stuff.

December 15. A teammate resigned at work. The funny thing is he did it after getting that 13th month bonus HAHAHA! I can’t blame him though after learning about the salary he gets when he’s performing three functions in the team. That’s insane. But it really made me wonder: am I still in this for the long haul? Or do I move on too?

December 17. So I had my work desk and wardrobe delivered. Felt so nice buying things for my room!

December 19. We got a new dog! Another French Bulldog. He’s pretty sweet. Someone’s not happy! (MY MOM)

December 22. And then this happened. We were supposed to meet after my dentist appointment (which I only used as an excuse to meet and I thought that was obvious) but the Professor never showed up. I waited for FIVE FREAKIN HOURS. I had like clothes with me because we agreed I sleepover but FUCK. Good thing a friend kept me company, but that was horrible. I thought YOU NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. I deserve better.

December 24. We had our house blessed. It was all super spontaneous; we invited a few friends and relatives over and had an intimate gathering. Mom got emotional (AGAIN).

December 27. So Ms. Preggy (from February - oooh that rhymed) had her son baptized. Since she lives a little father from the city, we decided to have a little staycation with some friends there too. The-Now-Bestie and Work Son was there, and we had beer and homecooked food and a slew of great conversations to cap off the year.

Also December 27. I knew I needed to get something off my chest. And I just had to say it.

“You’re so unfair. You shouldn’t have done that. Gave me false hopes. Gave me a “3-day trial period” only to disappear without any warning. Made promises you never intended to keep. You could’ve just told me you’re not interested anymore and I would’ve been fine with that but instead, you ghosted me. For the past few weeks since that weekend, it never seemed like you wanted to get to know me better. Or even just keep the communication going. It’s been one-sided and I wonder: has it always been this way? Maybe I’m remembering things differently. I told you I like you and I meant that. I’m still wrapping around my head why and how it happened to be honest. Maybe it’s that weekend? Maybe it’s the conversations leading up to when we first met? I don’t know. But things changed after that and I should ask you for an explanation but it’s really not the point. The point is I thought we can work something out and you hurt me. You may feel like you’re running out of time because of Japan but it’s no excuse to do that to anyone, really. You seem so sure about what you want so I hope you get whatever that is. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the memories.”

That was intense.

December 28. The Professor responded. “I apologize... I am getting attached... I had to “ponder on its implications to me in the long run”... I decided to slow down... It hurts... “That weekend that we met felt like I knew you before”... I am afraid... “You have no idea how hard it is to leave everything behind every 4-5 fucking years not because I wanted it but because I have to”... I still hope to continue whatever we have... “I will always remember you. Please don’t forget about me.”... YADA YADA YADA.

I know. You know me. I try to empathize as much as possible. But I mean, come on. These are things I already know. It’s not what I needed to hear.

December 31. I needed to say something one last time. There’s already a lot of uncertainties in the world with COVID and life and everything else. I knew I needed answers; I want the binary. I want the black or white for this one. I’m not taking the gray with me next year. So I asked the following questions:

“What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Or we stick with occasional catching up on Viber every once in a while (because that’s what it sounds like to me)?”

“What do you want to get from your last two months here? What are you looking for? Just make the most “fun’? Or look for something that will stick?”

“Have you told me anything you really didn’t mean?”

“That one time we talked about long-distance, were you asking me?”

Fast forward to now: I never got the answer I needed. I guess this is one of those rare occasions where no answer is the answer. And after a few weeks of contemplating about it, I am leaving it behind in 2020.

I’m actually at peace with that.

So there you have it. The suck-fest that is 2020. The first month of the new year wasn’t so bad. I feel this great energy. This year’s going to be different. I did tell you that this letter’s perfect timing. That’s because I’ve resigned and I’m moving on. A friend told me a while ago that he’s proud of me for finally taking action. The 2018 version of myself wouldn’t have done what I did and he was happy for me. I wanted a clean slate and I took it. That I was finally taking ownership of my life.

I was elated. My friend usually spoils me with compliments and encouragement and my ever reliable negative self-image tend to disagree with him but for the first time in a very long time, it felt right. I’m not usually excited for New Years, but I guess I am?

I say bring it on, 2021.

Until then,

Patheticwithanem

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coolstudentsandwich · 5 years

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Swing (Ninth Day of Inktober)

You know what I like?

Making art that people appreciate.

You know what I like even more?

Swings!

I love going back, and forth, and back and... you know how it goes. It’s so fun!

I don’t care for people telling me that “I’m too old for this”. I’m too old for a lot of things, but I don’t really care. I love them!

I think they reminded me of a simpler time, when I didn’t have to worry about anything. Just me and my swing...

You probably now think right now “who exacly is this incredible stranger that knows so many stories? Is he gonna now explain his dark backstory now?”

Hahaha, no. Not this time, sucker.

Let’s start the REAL story already!

There once was a little house, in snowy mountains. A alone man lived there, all on his own. To not feel alone, he sometimes visited a local village, and shared thoughts with the people who lived there.

Normally they would probably told him to shut up, and go back to his little house, but they liked him. He was very smart, and even helped village improve, by solving everyones problems. He was a pretty cool guy. A real thinker, if you ask me.

He really started to be liked by everyone, the news about this one cool guy from the mountains, spread really fast, even to lands that were very far away. The guy was very liked by... everyone. Humans, dragons, cats. Everyone had at least some respect for him.

Soon after his insane popularity, he found a woman that loved him. Together, they had a son.

Unfortunetly, the life isn’t exacly a fairy tale. The man’s love... passed. One day she was with him... and the other day? Gone. Like she never existed in the first place.

But the life had to go on, and the wise guy had to take care of his son.

He build him a swing on a tree growing near their house. The boy liked it very much, and spend most of him time there.

But people were thinking, “why did he do it? Out of loneliness? Because his peers didn’t like him? Maybe he didn’t even like it, and just pretend he did, to make his father happy?”

You see, people thought like this, because the boy... was a little weird. He didn’t talk much, and wanted to just sit alone, where he could think. There also some rumors about his mother, that people kept asking him about. He didn’t want to say anything about it.

He was also very secretive. At least that’s what others were thinking. They thought he always hides something from them.

He just liked the swing, because he liked the swing. When he played on it, he could play alone, and still have a lot of fun. It’s that simple. I don’t know why people kept coming out with these crazy theories.

He was very happy when he was, but unfortunetly, misfortune in his family didn’t end there.

One day his father died.

This is it.

This is all.

He just died.

There wasn’t a big betrayal by someone he trusted.

There wasn’t a heroic fight against the forces of evil.

There wasn’t attempt to do one last thing, to make his son happy.

There wasn’t even a time to say goodbye.

Gone. Just like that.

One accident ended it all.

The boy was scared. He didn’t knew what to do. His fathers body still in the house, the village was very far away, and it started to get dark.

But the life had to go on, and the boy had to do something.

So he just came back to his swing. Trying to think about what just happened. He was all alone, in snow, with his only friend.

I’m telling you this story, because it became quite famous over the years. I could buy literally any book with old tales, and I bet you this one will be in it. People say “it’s a classic” and “a good read” (though, I’m not sure how exacly is this “good”, after that ending.)

Many wise people tried to find some deeper meaning in it. Why did the boy came back to his swing? Why did his father just died like that? There had to be some deeper meaning in it!

They analized it over the years, over, and over again. They changed a little bits and pieces of it, they made up a whole another story this way too. They wanted to see if there’s something more to it.

But sometimes... swing is just a swing.

And story is just a story.

#inktober #inktober2019 #writing #writblr #writing challenge #day9 #part9

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thefilmsnob · 6 years

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Glen Coco’s Top 10 Mega Man Themes of All Time!

Can you think of a game that has better music than Mega Man? You can’t because it doesn’t exist. Well, it might, but I’m not really thinking it through. Let’s just say the people who composed the music for Mega Man should all be billionaires and knighted.

Because of my love for Mega Man and the songs that accompany him on his robojourney, I thought it would be swell to list the absolute greatest 10 theme songs from the classic series. It wasn’t easy narrowing the field to just 10 tracks considering this music is better than anything Mozart put out, but I feel like I’ve chosen the best songs and supported my decisions well despite having absolutely no experience in music criticism. You’ll see.

But, that’s neither here nor there. I now present the 10 greatest Mega Man themes of all time. I’ve added links under the entries, so you can drool over the music, as well as three runners up. Omitting these three songs is torturing me, but making tough decisions like this is why I get paid so much for this job hahaha just kidding, no one gets paid to write. Here’s the list:

Runners-Up

Flash Man (Mega Man 2)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_osNdk1mKRs

Spark Man (Mega Man 3)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP-Yjn1E05M

Tomahawk Man (Mega Man 6)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz-3Xd43OGo

Top 10

#10. Cut Man (Mega Man)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAeIMQierX4&t=1s

Cut Man’s theme is a great example of early Nintendo music that was more chipper and grainier in a charming way. This song makes you feel excited to control Mega Man and see where the adventure takes you. It’s uplifting, yes, but with a hint of darkness that says, “You can do it, but be wary.” The opening seconds of this song are really choppy, too, which is appropriate for this choppy kind of villain. In fact, the whole song brings to mind a pair of scissors flying around chaotically, slicing the air as they go. The original Mega Man had some great tracks, but this was the most lively and, indeed, the best one of them all.

#9. Plant Man (Mega Man 6)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WN_7Wy0RT00

This song from Plant Man’s rather unique forest stage is pretty complex. It starts out as a pleasant and optimistic tune as if it’s the soundtrack to an afternoon cruise on your day off. You think this carefree lifestyle can last forever, but then reality sinks in and the song breaks down to a very different tune as if the music is telling you, “Hey, listen, it’s not all fun and games. You have work to do.” And then it starts all over again, but now you feel even more prepared to take on the challenges that await.

#8. Shade Man (Mega Man 7)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxSWjJmz1Dk

Shade Man’s theme is both scary and epic. I mean, when is something ever scary and epic? It’s almost unheard of. The song plays in a graveyard/haunted house themed level and it fits perfectly. It starts out slow and eerie, but as it progresses it becomes more upbeat, providing you with that extra boost you need to get past the monsters. If this song isn’t called ‘Mega Man Faces His Fears’ then I feel sad for the creators. You just know this is the anthem Mega Man has in his head while exchanging blows with ghouls and goblins. In an installment with mediocre music and no other entries on this list, ‘Mega Man Faces His Fears’ shines through.

#7. Flame Man (Mega Man 6)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHVUupbqx0

For a Mega Man theme, Flame Man’s has an unusually long build up. Most of these songs sound like they were written by someone on crack; they start fast and insane and stay that way for 20 seconds until they repeat. This one progresses slowly and it doesn’t seem entirely thrilling at first. It gets a little more exciting and you start to think, “Okay, I’m biting” and then all of a sudden this magnificent chorus hits you like a punch in the face providing an immediate blissful high...much like the high the crack head composers felt while writing the music. The song also has a delightful Middle Eastern influence that matches the level and boss designs.

#6. Splash Woman (Mega Man 9)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7qcJwJfyyk

Splash Woman’s music isn’t an instant hit. In fact, its merits were really only recognized by this observer when he was doing his research for this unnecessary article. But this song gets you right in the heart and soul. It’s a rare Mega Man song that is actually gentle and soothing, but also entirely motivating. There’s even an unusual poignancy during the flute section that produces an unreasonably strong emotional response. After the flutes, the song continues in a similar fashion as the opening, but with a little more urgency. This is a perfect song for an underwater level or if you need to feel like you’re being nurtured by a dear friend or loved one.

#5. Galaxy Man (Mega Man 9)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdDbbzuq1vY

This song is crack cocaine. It’s crack cocaine in music form. It may be the most frantic song in Mega Man history. There’s just so much energy in this one short minute of sound and it takes you places you never thought you’d go. As soon as you’re accustomed to a section of the song and feel like it’s reached its prime, it switches on you instantly and becomes even more intense, constantly pumping you up to battle more spaceships in this crazy outer space level. And, obviously, Galaxy Man requires a theme that sounds futuristic, so guess what? That’s what you get, friend. Just try not moving your head to this sound cocaine. If you say you can, we’re not friends because I’m not in the business of associating with liars.

#4. Wood Man (Mega Man 2)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvAAOmoEftg

That drum solo. That drum solo that opens this song is pure bliss. This is the sound of my childhood as well as the childhoods of about 92% of North Americans and 107% of the Japanese population. If you don’t like that drum solo...you’re an asshole. This gets you pumped up to kill robot tigers in the woods before you even have the chance to move Mr. Blue Boy. Following the intro, there’s a sharp, but exquisite breakdown leading into some of the most pleasing, memorable and inspirational music of the series. Near the end of the loop, the same great melody plays but in a higher pitch with an incredibly crisp sound that feels like it’s coming from the heavens. Ya, it’s slightly repetitive, but beauty on repeat is A-Ok in this guy’s books.

#3. Wily’s Castle: Stage 2 (Mega Man 9)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K9-SwNBMSY

Where did this song come from?!? Is this Mega Man? This is more of a symphony for crying out loud. The theme has such a different feel and is far more complex than any other song in the Mega Man catalogue, but it’s entirely welcome. A song like this could only be found in Wily’s Fortress. It’s so urgent and magical and screams Nintendo. And, whereas most Mega Man themes repeat after 30 seconds or so, this one keeps going for days and changes drastically throughout as if telling an epic story. There are so many moving parts to this anthem it’ll blow your mind. Fans might overlook the song because it’s tucked away in the ninth game in the middle of Wily’s crib, but this is one of the most unique pieces of music from the series. Who wrote this, a wizard?!?

#2. Metal Man (Mega Man 2)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7y82DgpgrC0

I’m sure many fans would agree, but I consider the first Mega Man as more of a prelude to the rest of the series. It’s a good game, but highly difficult and unpolished, feeling more like an intriguing prototype. To me, Mega Man 2 is the true start of the series and any fan who knows anything about anything knows that you play Metal Man’s stage first. Ergo, this is the theme that introduces you to the world of Mega Man. When you hear this theme, you know you’re about to go on an epic adventure and it sets the tone perfectly, especially if you’re looking forward to playing all the subsequent games. In many ways, it’s the theme that produces the most excitement. At first, it feels like a fairly straightforward tune, but then you start to notice all these delightful nuances beneath the surface. Like metal (ahem) this song is both smooth and choppy and the shifts between the two qualities work perfectly. Altogether, this is an energetic, inspirational and complex tune that’ll pump you up for what’s to come.

#1. Wily’s Castle: Stage 1 & 2 (Mega Man 2)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJRoRt155mA&t=92s

This should be no surprise to fans of the series, not only because it tops so many lists of best Mega Man themes, but because this is quite possibly the greatest song known to mankind. You’ve just defeated all eight robot masters and now it’s time to battle your way through Dr. Wily’s fortress. It’s the beginning of the endgame for the boy robot and this music adds a giant exclamation point. It’s the real deal. The music starts aggressive and maintains that relentless fast pace throughout. There are undertones of doubt in the song that threaten to surface, but the optimism within casts a shadow on any negativity and wins the day. And the frequent shifts in pitch just add to the epic nature of this musical equivalent of intercourse. This truly majestic work of art is inspirational, catchy, complex, and just plain awesome. If this doesn’t pump you up for the rest of the game or series or even life itself, you’re a shell of a human being. I want this theme played at my wedding. Would it be wildly inappropriate? You bet. But this song is so good that I’m willing to ruin my wedding and countless lives just to force it upon the people I love most.

#mega man #video games #video game music #nintendo

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emilysparksphotography · 7 years

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Old Town Hall...but first, meat.

Andy and I discovered what is essentially the Butcher of Prague. This place is called Nase Maso, which translates to “The People’s Meat”...and it did not disappoint. Since I’m off alcohol for the next 5 months or so, I have really been treasuring finding hidden food gems in each of the places that we’ve been visiting (normally, I would be focusing these efforts into bar hunting). Having said that, Nase Maso is by far my best find. This place is a working butcher shop that also makes about 7 dishes available for purchase on the go. We showed up and ordered a hamburger (which Andy claims is the best hamburger he’s ever eaten...saying a lot considering the love affair I know this man has with In-N-Out) and a pastrami sandwich. DUDE. We both inhaled our savory sandos. Grant loved them too. Little guy wouldn’t close his mouth, which is the symbol for “give me more, this is delicious”. I laugh about how I used to only feed him organic baby food. Hahaha.

After our meatscapade, we cruised over to the Old Town Square to see if we could check out the Old Town Hall. We knew it had been bombed at the end of WWII and that they were still renovating (give ‘em a break, Communism slowed down a lot of progress!), but weren’t sure how much of the building was available to see...turns out, a lot! We could see the whole building (what was left of it anyways) except for the top of the clock tower. And by “we”, I mean me. Grant started to get fussy about 10 minutes into the hour long tour so Andy abandoned the Town Hall effort to entertain Grant while I stayed and snapped photos for the both of us. The tour was MEH, but the building was pretty rad. The best part was the underground portion that I was able to walk through. The street level of Prague back in the 1300s used to be 3-4 meters lower than where it sits today so while this underground area is under the ground now, it used to be at the street level. The first use of this was a Romanesque home, then after some significant flooding and subsequent raising of the street, it transitioned into a prison. They had the old torture devices and even showed us a hole where people were sent to starve to death. No wonder the called them the dark ages. The last use before the building was transitioned into a functioning political fixture and tourist spot was a hospital/bomb shelter during WWII. Everything is so damn old here...it’s like all of the buildings are on their ninth life. Special shout out to Andy for hanging out with a cranky Grant while I got my history on. I reunited with my guys to find them both covered in carrot baby food and crying (Andy on the inside). Nothing some baby wipes and a nice long nap wouldn’t fix!

#prague oldtownhall Praha travelwithababy

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leekycauldron-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Let’s Pretend

feel free to send requests HERE

Summary: Pansy spent the entirety of her teenage years pining after her best friend. Draco might have known about this and he might not have but Pansy didn’t care either way. She was blinded by her love for him and he might have taken advantage but again, Pansy didn’t really care. He was her best friend after all.

(a/n: i’m posting this to celebrate 1 THOUSAND followers! holy shit i couldn’t be happier. I want to thank everyone deeply, it makes me sooo happy nd i really really hope people enjoy this because it’s taken me two weeks to write it to the best standard i think i can - for once ive written something im actually proud of hahaha enjoy xx)

Pairing:Draco Malfoy/Pansy Parkinson

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex

Wordcount: 7k

i 06/02/1986

They met when they were just five years old, a cold February day where she was wrapped up in a bright pink duffle coat and he a black jacket with a green scarf that covered his neck up to his face, slightly red from the harsh wind even after they’d entered the quiet café.

Pansy had never spoken to a boy before and so she hid behind her mother’s legs as she conversed with who Pansy supposed was the strange boy’s own mother. Pansy heard her mother say there was no need to be shy; Draco was perfectly polite, she’d said. But Pansy wasn’t having any of it. Not even when the boy took a few steps towards her and held out a gloved hand for her to shake.

“I’m Draco, it’s nice to meet you.” He introduces himself in a way that Pansy would have thought of as too sophisticated for his age if she even knew what the word meant at the time. Draco’s hand drops to his side when Pansy refuses to shake it, his brows furrowed as though his small mind can’t comprehend why this girl in the bright pink coat hadn’t wanted to shake his hand.

“Mummy always says not to talk to strangers.” Pansy’s voice is stubborn as she folds her arms across her chest and she watches as Draco chews on his bottom lip as though she’s presented him with a puzzle and he’s trying to solve it. Then his grey eyes light up.

“If we’re friends I’m not a stranger anymore.” He speaks carefully and Pansy thinks maybe boys aren’t that scary because this boy, Draco, is smiling at her. “Do you want to be my friend?” Pansy nods with a giggle, going completely against Draco’s previous formalities as she hugs him abruptly. Children don’t have any perception of personal space and that’s why she hugged him so tight and he hugged her back without a hint of hesitation.

“I’m Pansy. Let’s play hide and seek.” And just like that, they were friends.

ii 03/06/1989

“Pans, you have to come. Mum says she won’t take no for an answer so you have no choice.” It’s his ninth birthday in two days and maybe Pansy is a little too young to feel insecure but she’d read about insecurity (or read as much as she could understand at her age) when she was peeking through one of her mother’s copies of Witch Weekly and now she thinks she feels it. She’s worried that Draco is growing up and leaving her behind; she’d know that fear was irrational now but at the age of only eight, two months difference in age feels like a lifetime. Draco would probably have friends at the party that Pansy didn’t know and what if they didn’t like her? What if they hated her and teased her and Draco joined in because he’s older now?

“What if your friends don’t like me?” Pansy whispers as she plonks herself down on Draco’s bedroom floor, legs crossed with her fingers tracing cracks in the wood before she pulls her dress over her knees. Draco had asked her earlier if the pattern embroidered in the dress were pansies because of her name and she had laughed and called him ‘silly’ because obviously they were daisies, before he pushed her onto the floor with a laugh in retort.

“If they don’t, then I don’t want them to be my friend anymore.” He speaks as though it’s the simplest thing ever and Pansy thinks she’s the luckiest person in the world for having a friend like him as he sits down on the floor in front of her, his legs crossing so their knees touch and he watches the movement of her fingers carefully. “You’re my only real friend anyway. Everyone else is too nice.”

Pansy snickers at his words as her eyes look up to meet his, there’s amusement flashing on his face and there’s a hopeful childish glint in his eyes as he stares at her. Pansy thinks he’s right. She loves Draco unconditionally, they’ve rarely spent more than a week apart since that first time they met but her mind flashes back to when he pushed her on the floor earlier or the time she shouted her first curse word at him and thinks maybe other people wouldn’t understand that they show their affection in more ways that just jokes and hugs. Some people are just too nice. Or the two of them are a little too unkind for eight-year-olds but Pansy doesn’t consider that much.

“I suppose I can come to your party then.” Draco’s face practically lights up as he beams at her, his whole demeanour changing until he appears lighter than he had for the entirety of the day. He practically bounces to his feet, grabbing her hand and pulling her up with him. Pansy can’t stop the grin spreading across her face as he hugs her in excitement – they may not show all their affection through hugs but that doesn’t mean hugging isn’t a frequent occurrence.

“It’s going to be so fun, Pansy, I promise!” Draco practically yells in excitement. “We might even be able to sneak a sip of father’s fire whiskey while he’s not looking.” Pansy thinks maybe she’s too young to be trying alcohol, her mother always told her she can’t touch it until she’s old enough to read a full book cover to cover (a proper book, not one of her beloved fairytale books) and Pansy isn’t even close to that. But the mischief in Draco’s eyes is Pansy’s favourite thing and the fact that she goes along with what he says when she sees that look has got them in to more trouble than she’d like to remember. Pansy doesn’t care though, she’s certain she’d do anything for her best friend.

iii 01/09/1991

Pansy’s fingers pull at a stray piece of fabric on the seat beside her, resting her head against the window as she listens the rhythm of the Hogwarts Express on the train tracks. Her mind is spinning, her stomach in knots as she runs over the possibilities of what could happen when she arrives for her first year at Hogwarts. She hasn’t spoken a word to her best friend opposite her since he arrived aside from a ‘hello’ and he thinks it’s strange how quiet she is but knows it’s best not to disturb her when she’s worked up over something. Draco is already dressed in his robes, Pansy can’t even bring herself to do that yet because she’s terrified and Merlin, she envies Draco the majority of the time but especially at times like this – he’s never phased by anything, unlike her.

“Are you nervous?” Pansy questions before taking a ridiculously large bite of the chocolate frog Draco had bought her because she has to at least eat something. She’s completely aware of the chocolate smeared around her mouth. Her mother always told her that it’s not ladylike to behave so carelessly, especially in front of a male but she thinks it doesn’t matter with Draco; he’s seen her knickers once before when he pushed her off of her broom in a game of tag and her skirt rode up, a bit of chocolate really wasn’t a big deal.

“About what?”

“Everything. Going to Hogwarts, making new friends, getting sorted into your house.” Pansy counts her reasons on her fingers as Draco watches her, amusement clear in his eyes as though he’d been waiting for this conversation since he sat down. Pansy thinks he knows her too well sometimes but then realises that’s not a problem because she knows just as much about him. She’s spent many hours telling him everything on her mind only for him to make her feel better with a few kind words and a little bit of name-calling and a cuddle. “I couldn’t sleep last night.”

“You’ll make friends straight away, Pans. You made friends with me easy enough.”

“Draco, we were five. It’s not that simple at this age.” Pansy scowls at him and she almost laughs at the way she’s talking. She sounds like an old woman, she knows and Draco thinks the same because a slight snort of laughter can be heard from him as he swallows a handful of sweets.

“Just relax. Even if you don’t make friends, you still have me.” All she can do is nod because he’s right and she really does need to relax, this is supposed to be exciting. “Unless, of course, you get sorted into Hufflepuff. Then I’d have no choice but to never speak to you again.” Pansy directs a light kick straight to his shin and he laughs, she can’t stop the corners of her mouth curling upwards because his laughter is infectious and it’s her favourite sound.

“Not funny.”

“I’ll be in Slytherin, there’s not been a single Malfoy that hasn’t been in Slytherin.” Draco has a hint of superiority in his tone, something he always takes on when he’s discussing his family or his blood status. Honestly, Pansy wasn’t even aware about the significance of blood until Draco explained to her the difference between pure-bloods and other types of wizards, something she supposed he learnt from his father. Pansy isn’t sure she fully agrees with those views but she tells Draco she does every time it’s mentioned; she likes the way his eyes shine when she agrees with him, when she really feels important to him.

“You’ll be Slytherin too, Pans. Just wait.” She hopes more than anything that he’s right.

iv 14/02/1993

Pansy has only just managed stop the tears falling freely down her face as she pulls her knees up onto the couch beside her, her head on Draco’s lap, his fingers combing through her hair as he waits for her to calm down. She thanks Salazar that it’s 2am and no one else is awake to hear her this way because Pansy Parkinson isn’t weak and no one can see her like this, no one except Draco. The tone of his quiet, soothing ‘shh’ echoes through the dungeons as she tries her absolute best to get a fucking grip because she’s thirteen now and she shouldn’t be sobbing over things as pathetic as this.

“He’s not worth it, y’know? I always told you he’s an arse.” And Pansy wants to roll her eyes at his way of saying ‘I told you so’ but she can’t when they’re sore from crying so she just nods quickly. Draco is right, of course he is, and Pansy knew that all along but Theo was the first person who showed her any attention in that way and she was foolish to believe it. And now it’s Valentine’s Day and her (ex)boyfriend has been shagging Flora Carrow behind her back and Pansy doesn’t think she’s ever felt so stupid. Of course he’d prefer a fourth year, most boys want sex and Pansy certainly wasn’t prepared to give him that at the age of thirteen.

“You didn’t have sex with him, did you?” Draco asks, his fingers hesitating in her hair as he speaks and Pansy thinks she hears a hint of jealousy in his tone but then again she probably imagined it; she thinks she imagines half of the affection Draco shows her. She ignores the fact that it’s because she wants it so much, she wants him to care for her as much as she cares for him but sometimes he’s cold and she doesn’t know what to do with him because growing up creates distance and at times like this she pretends it’s not there.

“Of course not.” Pansy scoffs with a rather unattractive sniffle, lifting her head up off his lap finally to look him in the eyes and she imagines that there’s a flash of relief in the grey. “We kissed and we did… stuff but never that.” Draco nods and Pansy shuffles uncomfortably, she wonders when they reached a point where he didn’t already know these things about her. She wonders when they reached a point where she felt awkward discussing these things with him.

“I’ll hex him in the corridor tomorrow, if you want?” That mischievous glint that Pansy has grown up to love makes her heart skip a beat because he does care, just not as intensely and in his own way and it’s okay. Sometimes. Not when she looks at him and her pulse quickens and her face flushes red and sometimes when she thinks of his smile she gets small butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She’s sure that’s friendship, that’s how everyone feels towards their best friend but she’s too scared to ask Draco if he feels it too.

“I’d like that.”

“You need sleep, your eyes are all red.” Draco mutters softly, standing from the sofa and holding out his hand for her to take as she stands up. When her skin touches his, Pansy feels those familiar butterflies she feels every time he touches her; she also notices the way he doesn’t seem phased in the slightest but ignores that completely. “I’ll walk to breakfast with you tomorrow and we’ll act like he doesn’t exist, yeah? Just me and you like old times.” Pansy could burst into tears of joy right then and there if she hadn’t already cried as much as she thought was possible.

And when the blonde leans forward just the slightest amount, his head tilted downwards towards hers, she thinks he’s going to kiss her lips and she didn’t realise she wanted that until her breathing stops and her hands are shaking by her side. But his lips land on her cheek in the slightest brush of a goodnight kiss and Pansy feels a sense of disappointment over something she didn’t even know she needed but she’ll take what she can get because this is Draco and she’ll always care more than she has to with him.

v 25/12/1994

‘You look fucking beautiful, Pans’, he had said as she made her way towards him in the entrance to the Great Hall and she had blushed as pink as her frilly gown as she took his arm. Now as she dances with him at the Yule Ball, his arm around her waist and her head on his shoulder, she thinks that nothing compares to him. Nothing is as beautiful as Draco Malfoy.

Pansy has come to accept that the feelings she has for Draco go way beyond the way one should feel for their best friend. She learnt that it definitely isn’t friendship when she asked Daphne and Millie what they thought love was and they described exactly how she felt. They’d both said they hope they fall in love one day and Pansy didn’t want to tell them that sometimes love feels like a dagger through the heart when you see that one person with his lips on another girls’ neck and it’s like a form of silent torture when it’s a different girl the next week and another the week after. She wishes more than anything that just once that girl could be her.

But tonight that doesn’t matter because Draco asked her to the ball over anyone else and maybe it’s only because she’s the only girl he’s ever been close enough to dance with but Pansy never got over that habit of pretending and tonight she pretends that it’s because he loves her back.

The night disappears much faster than Pansy would like it to and soon enough, it’s midnight and the ball is over. Draco keeps his fingers intertwined with hers though as they leave the hall and he doesn’t let go until they reach the door to the common room. She’s sure this must just be another one of those things she imagines but it’s not and it’s real and he’s perfect.

They pause at the entrance to the dormitories, Draco finally letting go of her hand as he faces her – Pansy feels uncharacteristically nervous under his gaze. “I’m glad you asked me to go with you, Draco. It was so wonderful.” Pansy hadn’t told him that she was glad he’d asked her to the Ball, the conversation in which she was asked included a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders and a short ‘why not’ as they sat in the library one afternoon. Inside she was squealing with delight.

“I- You were the only person I could’ve asked.” Draco’s smiling as he speaks but Pansy can’t help but feel hurt by his words, was she really his last resort? “You’re the only person I care about in this shitty school; I couldn’t have possibly asked anyone else.” Oh Merlin, Pansy thinks this is the happiest she’s ever felt and it can’t get better than this, ever.

Except it can because his fingers are on her chin and he tilts her head up to his and he’s oh so gorgeous as he stares down at her. “You really do look stunning tonight, Pans.” And Pansy doesn’t even get time to hide her blush this time as Draco places a soft peck on her lips which lasts a second at most but it’s enough to make her head spin and she thinks she might pass out. “I- uh, I just wanted to check something that’s all.” Draco murmurs awkwardly and its now his turn for his pale cheeks to go a light shade of pink. And then he leans forward once more and it’s longer this time and Pansy doesn’t think she’s held her breath for this long before.

The kiss is soft and slow and Pansy’s eyes flutter closed through instinct as their lips move together. Draco’s lips are softer than she ever imagined and when his tongue swipes against her mouth, she opens hers just enough to let him into her own mouth before she has to grip his arm to steady herself. This is the definition of magic, Pansy thinks, forget spells and potions; it’s kissing Draco Malfoy. It ends all too soon and Pansy finds herself desperately chasing his mouth as he pulls away until she snaps herself out of it and she opens her eyes to find him looking down at her, his brows furrowed.

“That was…” Amazing. Perfect. Everything I could have ever imagined. “Different.” Draco beams down at her and Pansy smiles back but she doesn’t think that he means the good kind of different.

“It was, yeah, it was different.” She nods because she always makes sure he knows she agrees with him, even when she doesn’t. “What were you checking?”

“I felt like I wanted to kiss you all night, I was checking that it would be as good as I hoped.” Draco shrugs, cracking his knuckles in that way that irritates most people beyond belief but she finds it more endearing that anything.

“And?”

“Like I said… different.” He’s right, it was different. Different because Pansy is so head-over-heels for the blonde in front of her and this night is a dream come true. But he doesn’t mean it that way, she knows that and this time she doesn’t even feel like pretending. Instead she mimics his grin and she’s aware that his words act as a mutual agreement that it didn’t mean anything other than curiosity – even if she doesn’t fully feel the same on her behalf.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Malfoy.”

“Don’t. I meant it in the worst way.” And Pansy laughs, she genuinely laughs for the millionth time that night because she knows his humour and she knows that even though he didn’t like the kiss the way she did, he’s only joking with his harsh words. “Love you though.”

“Go to bed, Draco.” Pansy rolls her eyes followed by the quickest kiss on his cheek before he turns to his dorm. Tonight she’ll tell her friends that Draco kissed her and tonight she’ll pretend he enjoyed it as much as she did.

vi 19/08/1994

Her back slams against the door of Draco’s bedroom as his hands pin hers to the wood by her side, his lips on her jaw and his scent is everywhere. She loves it. She loves him. And her head is spinning because she’s completely intoxicated by him, she won’t ever get used to this. And she knows he does this with other girls but she always wished she could be one of those and now she is and she pretends that she means more than the others because the two of them have a history and that has to count for something.

It’s the summer holidays, just a couple of weeks before the start of fifth year and Pansy hasn’t seen Draco since term ended. As soon as she arrived at Malfoy Manor, Draco had pulled her upstairs and she was hit with memories of when he’d do the same thing when they were children. But when they were children it didn’t end with his hands on the hem of her shirt as he starts pulling it over her head. And then her fingers are in his hair as his mouth trails sloppy kisses over her collar bone.

Pansy always told herself that her first time would be with someone she’s in love with, the person she’s going to marry and although she plans their wedding in her head some nights, she’s not sure that person will be Draco. But she’s in love with him, completely irrevocably in love with him and thinks that might be enough for now, even if he doesn’t love her back.

“Draco-“ She starts, cutting herself off as he sucks on her neck hard enough and in the right place to make her let out a small hiss of pleasure. “Draco, I want- I want you to takemyvirginity.” Pansy’s cheeks burn red as she rushes the last three words out, her eyes focusing on the wall behind Draco’s head because what if he says not or even worse, what if he laughs at her? His mouth stops moving against her skin as he registers what was said before he lifts his head, his eyes searching her face for any sign that she didn’t mean what she said.

“Are you sure?” And Pansy feels relief at the softness in his voice, his hands releasing hers from pinning her to door as one moves to her hip and the other lifts to move a stray lock of hair from her face. She’s sure, she’s never been more sure of anything in her life.

Pansy nods her head quickly, his eyes focused on his lips because she can’t even bare to look into his eyes at this point. “It has to be you. There’s no one else.” The words are practically a whisper as they leave her lips and when Draco’s mouth connects with hers it’s so soft that it reminds her of their first kiss after the Yule Ball, every kiss after that has been rushed and desperate until now. This kiss tells Pansy that he knows what she’s saying, he understands that it can only be him she does this with, he’s the only person she trusts to see her vulnerable that way for the first time.

Draco’s hand intertwines with hers as he walks her towards his bed and she lays down on it with nerves in the pit of her stomach and her hands trembling just the slightest amount. She watches as Draco takes his shirt off followed by his trousers so then he’s only in his underwear and it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before but it’s different this time, entirely different.

He’s on top of her then, his lips on her mouth, her jaw, her neck; everywhere. Her hands laced in his hair as she closes her eyes, her heart thudding uncontrollably and her mind is so clouded with excitement and need she can’t stop the words leaving her lips.

“I love you.” It’s not in the same way she usually says it, they both know it’s more than the brief ‘love you’s they’ve shared over the years of their friendship and Draco doesn’t stop his movements for a second.

“I know.” Pansy never expected him to say it back yet despite that, she can’t ignore the pang of pain that shoots through her heart. But she can pretend, just for tonight at least, that they are in love and it’ll be everything she imagined it would be.

vii 30/03/1995

OWLs are more stressful than Pansy could have ever imagined, she spends hours on top of hours studying yet nothing seems to stay in her head and Pansy is close to accepting her fate in that she will fail everything. But it’s just past curfew and the common room is almost empty as she leans over her potions notes, the exam is only weeks away and most nights Pansy can’t sleep with worry.

When the doors to the common room open, Pansy doesn’t even lift her head until he sofa dips beside her and she’s met with the sight of Draco. Her quill drops immediately as she turns to give him her full attention and he leans into her, a yawn falling from his lips and he rests his head on her shoulder. Pansy wrinkles her nose in disgust however because while she’d usually relish in any kind of affection from him, he smells of perfume and sex and she tries to ignore the nausea spreading all over her body.

“Ugh, Draco get off me.” She pushes his head from her and instead he slouches back and sinks into the sofa. “You reek of pussy.” Draco snorts at her vulgar language, laughing loudly and she can’t help but smile back at him despite the fact that imagining him with another girl is equivilant to shattering her heart into tiny pieces.

“And you reek of jealousy,” Draco teases but he’s right and they both know it. He uses her, she knows it, he takes advantage of her feelings for him so he can have a quick fuck when he feels like it and she knows she should probably hate him for it but she loves him more than she can explain and maybe it’s fucked up but Pansy accepted that’s what she is a long time ago. He’s still her best friend and if Pansy could see past the feelings she has for him, she might come to realise that he’s not the same boy she met ten years ago and she deserves better than him but she can’t do that.

“I’m trying to study.” Irritation is clear in her tone but it’s fake and Draco likes to annoy her, he always has done so he kicks his legs up onto the coffee table where her work is with a smirk. “Which you should be doing too, by the way. Not off fucking sluts in broom closets.” She pushes his feet off the table with a huff as he shrugs.

“For your information, it wasn’t a broom closet. It was a-“

“I don’t care. Now either help me with this Potions work or go get a wash.” Pansy feels him shuffle closer to her on the sofa, so close that their arms are side by side and their legs pressed against each other. He leans forward and scans his eyes over the notes in front of her, his brows furrowed as he reads and she feels secretly glad that he didn’t pay attention to her suggestion that he leaves.

Draco’s head shakes a little as he picks up her quill, dipping in the ink before he starts scratching words on her notes on brewing an Invigoration Draught. “Look Pans, you wrote it wrong. You need three asphodel roots, not two. In fact, most of this is wrong, were you even paying attention?”

“Probably not. You know how much I hate that subject.” Sometimes Draco makes her feel a little inferior, mainly because he’s so clever and Pansy knows he can’t help that but if it were anyone else she’d resent it. “I don’t know why you’re acting so smart; Granger’s beating you anyway, she got top of the class in the last test.” Now it’s her turn to irritate him.

“Don’t get me started on that mudblood.” Draco sneers and she hides the way she cringes at his language because she really isn’t prejudiced, not as much as everyone thinks. She wasn’t brought up to think that way at least, her parents have always been very accepting. But as Draco grew up, he grew to have the same pure-blood elitist beliefs as his parents and Pansy only challenged him on it once before she decided it was easier to just go along with it. Her parents would no doubt be disappointed if they knew the foul things she’d said to muggle-borns at school over the years but that doesn’t seem to matter when she does it to impress him.

“Better up your game, Malfoy.” Pansy nudges him, a hint of challenge in her voice as he pushes her shoulder lightly.

“Tomorrow.” He stands up, finally deciding it’s time he got a shower. “Tomorrow, we’ll go to the library after breakfast and we’ll study. You’re going to get an Exceeds Expectations, and I’m going to beat that Granger.” Pansy is amazed at the way a few words from the right person can ease practically every worry in her mind.

viii 22/05/1995

Sex with Draco is the best thing she’s ever had the pleasure of doing. The sound of her name leaving his lips, way his hands caress her body so delicately even when the act itself is the furthest from delicate, it’s all rather mind-blowing. Draco prefers rough sex, Pansy prefers slow sex but she doesn’t ever tell him that because she supposes rough sex is better than no sex. That’s what she thinks as she comes down from what she’s sure might be the best orgasm of her life and Draco pulls out of her, dropping onto her bed beside her. Everyone else is at dinner so there’s no need for him to rush away like usual.

“Pansy, can I tell you something?” Draco’s voice is still raspy as he sits up, his hands reaching to the bottom of the bed so he can grab his shirt and Pansy nods, still too warm to even think of getting dressed. “I think I’ve fallen in love.” This is it, she thinks. This is when he finally tells her those three words she’s been waiting for since as long as she can remember and all of this pain she’s felt, all these times he’s left her in the aftermath of their sex feeling used and alone won’t matter anymore. “Do you know Astoria Greengrass?”

Her mouth goes dry and she feels a lump in the back of her throat, the back of her eyes prickling with the beginning of tears that she desperately tries to hold back. And she will hold them back because she won’t let him see her hurt even though he knows how much his words are killing her. She doesn’t think he does it intentionally but she doesn’t know him anymore, she pretends she does but she doesn’t. She hasn’t known him, properly known him inside and out, since he was thirteen; growing up changed him into a much colder person than the one she grew up with. “Daphne’s sister, she’s in third year isn’t she?”

Draco swings his legs off the edge of the bed as he pulls on his underwear, deciding that he’s wearing enough clothes for now as he turns to face her. “I- She’s not like other girls, y’know? She’s special and I kissed her once, a few months back. I’ve never felt like that before, not with anyone.” There’s a dagger in her heart and Draco is holding it, twisting it deeper with each word he speaks. “I didn’t kiss her again though; I didn’t want her to just be like the others. I want everything to be right.”

The others. That includes her. She’s one of ‘the others’. How did she go from being his best friend to being nothing more than a girl he sleeps with? “Have you spoken to Astoria about it? That you- you love her.” Draco shakes his head and Pansy wonders why in the world he’s sat here with her, having just fucked her if he’s in love with someone else. Pansy couldn’t do that; she’s been hopelessly loyal to someone who will never feel the same way for the majority of her life. It’s pathetic really.

“What should I do, Pans?” Pansy feels the jealousy still burning in the pit of her stomach, anger the only thing driving her thoughts as she goes through possible answers in her head. She wants to tell him to stay away from her, to yell at him for leading her on all these years, swear at him for taking advantage of her. But she does none of those things.

“I think you need to tell her.” Before now, Pansy didn’t think it would be possible to be heartbroken by her own words but as they echo around her dorm she thinks that’s just what’s happened.

“But what if she doesn’t love me back? What if she feels nothing?” Well then you’ll know exactly how I feel. Pansy doesn’t speak half of the words she thinks most of the time.

��You get on with it. You keep your head high and wait until something better comes along.” Draco’s eyes are burning into hers as she speaks and she knows he’s got questions on the tip of his tongue that she’s not certain he’ll ask.

“Is that what you did?” He’s talking about her, about her feelings for him as though they don’t exist anymore and then it hits her that maybe he has no idea she still feels that way for him. He doesn’t have any clue about the extent of her love for him, both platonic and romantic. And she wants to tell him the truth, that no – she’s still waiting for that ‘something better’ but she doesn’t. She’d rather be in pain; she’d rather be broken hearted for the rest of her life than possibly burden him with the guilt of her feelings when he has a chance at being happy.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I did.”

ix 08/08/1995

“Does it hurt?” Pansy asks as she sits opposite Draco on her bed, his sleeve is rolled up and on his forearm she watches the tattoo move under his skin. It causes shivers of fear to run through her body. Part of her wants to touch it but the other part is disgusted, just slightly to the point where she can’t look him in the eye.

“At first it did, not so much now.” Draco shrugs, pulling his sleeve back down but through the thin white fabric she can still make out the black stain on his skin. “Do you hate me?” Pansy shakes her head instinctively; she should hate him, she should be telling him to get the hell out of her house because Draco Malfoy is a Death Eater and this isn’t right. But she doesn’t hate him. She understands he had no choice, she’s listened to his explanation over and over again and she gets it, she gets him.

“Of course not.” She whispers, finally looking up at him and there’s a sadness on his face that she hasn’t seen before. He looks young and old all at once, young because he appears so damn vulnerable and old because his eyes are tired and his skin is pale and she feels more pity for him than anything. “Everything that’s happened, you- you didn’t have any other choice.”

“Astoria is going to hate me.” He’s going to cry again and she’s going to have to hold him again as she desperately tries to hold back tears because she’s never seen him so broken before and she’s not used to being the one who has to stay strong. But he blinks away the tears. “I- I had to break up with her. I’m too scared he’ll use it against me so I sent her an owl. How noble of me.” Pansy rolls her eyes at his dry humour even at times like this but at least this is a way to get him to smile even if it’s the tiniest amount.

“Wow Draco, I hope you had the decency to at least use your best quill and take your time with the most elaborate handwriting.” She teases and he gives a weak chuckle.

“Actually, I scribbled it out at 2am in the dark so who knows what it looks like.” A snort of laughter leaves Pansy’s mouth at his words and his face seems to light up because even at times like this, she can always make him laugh.

She’s also gotten used to the idea of Draco and Astoria being together, almost. She spent the rest of fifth year purposely looking away from the two of them when Draco chose to sit with Astoria instead of her at meals, she spent way too many nights crying over it that she became numb to the idea and began to not feel anything when Draco cluelessly asked her for advice on relationships. As if she’d have the slightest idea, she’d always scoffed in her head.

That’s why she’s not surprised by the sadness and pity she feels for Draco when finding out he had to leave the girl he loves so intensely that even Pansy can’t pretend he doesn’t anymore. She still loves Draco, she thinks she always will but she’s not going to hold him back. It’s her problem to deal with, not his.

“When all this is over, you can explain it to her properly. She’ll understand, I know it and then you can be happy.” Draco’s head is shaking in disagreement before she’s even finished speaking.

“I think you’re the only person I want around when all this is over, Pans. The world is too complicated for being in love, friendship is more important.” Pansy doesn’t press the fact that she is in love with him and therefore his theory doesn’t matter in the slightest to her. “When everything’s done, we can be roommates and we’ll rent a place and get good jobs and we won’t need anyone else. Just me and you.”

Pansy’s happy with that plan. He might not want to marry her, he might not even love her but that’s the best she’s going to get and she couldn’t be more satisfied.

x 14/10/2004

Hey Pans,

I know we haven’t spoken in a while and I was going to send you the same invite as everyone else but I thought you deserve a handwritten one (lucky).

I asked Astoria to marry me! Can you believe it? I certainly can’t! But we’re getting married on the 14th of December and I’d love if you’d come to the wedding. It’ll only be you, Blaise and Daphne from school but I miss you a lot and you’re the only one I haven’t seen since everything happened.

I’ll still send you the proper invitation so you know the dates and things but I just wanted you to know that I want you there more than I want any of the others really and it’d make me beyond happy. I do hope you can make it (mother says she misses you as well).

Lots of love, your bestest friend (Draco in case you didn’t already know). Xx

“Incendio.” Pansy mutters as she watches the parchment go up in flames, her heart heavy but she ignores it as she takes a puff of her cigarette. She’s long past the point of being sad over Draco Malfoy, she did enough of that after the war. He was the one who chose not to reply to her letters, he was the one who didn’t get into contact until now.

Pansy spent many months waiting for his owl or even for him to turn up at her door with the keys to their place they were going to rent and that grin that she used to love so much but now she can’t fully picture. We won’t need anyone else. Just me and you. The words haunted her, they were the only things she could think of for such a long time as she clung onto the hope that he hadn’t forgotten about her, he was just busy fixing himself after the war.

But she saw him on the cover of the Prophet, he had a job at the Ministry, he attended events with Astoria on his arm and she washed away the bitter taste in her mouth with cigarette smoke; deciding that killing herself this way was much less painful that killing herself by pining after him. Because that’s what she’d been doing all those years; following him around, being at his beck and call, letting him use her whenever he wished – those were all things that broke her bit by bit but she was too blinded by him to notice it until she was away from him.

And Pansy spent hours contemplating whether she’d go to the wedding, she’s read the letter hundreds of times but that only served to convince her that she can’t possibly face him. Not after all this time. And it might upset him, she knows that, it won’t be easy for him to get married without having his oldest friend there but Pansy has spent too much of her life going out of her way to keep Draco Malfoy happy.

Pansy has had enough of pretending that she’s going to get her happy ending. It’s time for her to face reality and her reality is harsh and sometimes lonely but now this is the best she’s going to get. Pansy is ready to accept that.

#pansy parkinson #draco malfoy #dransy #draco malfoy fanfiction #harry potter

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pamabrew · 7 years

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While everyone's K-Drama-ing, I'm K-Beauty-ing.

Nope. This is not about makeup for I am not a makeup person. Whereas, this post is about how I get to discover and appreciate the 10 Steps of Korean's Skincare routine. I know! Crazy right? 10 steps?! I couldn't even get my lazy ass to put anything after washing with soap. Yes, soap. Okay, here's a quick backstory.

BACKSTORY:

2012 was the worst year for my face. I had breakouts all over my forehead and my cheeks. In short, all over my face!!! That was when I felt down and inferior the most. I couldn't really go out and I would rather stay home because the breakouts were withering. Come 2013 it's still there but decided to leave my cheeks alone, but still got them on my forehead. I used a yellow soap for treatment which I just bought in a local store in our place. Anyway, cut the long story short after "the great breakout" I stopped using any facial wash, makeup or anything that has to do with the face. I just wash it with water and that's it.

It helped though. I hardly had any breakout maybe one or two but that's when I'm on my period. Thank goodness.

Soooo....

I was browsing Instagram one night and saw these cutie packaging from a Korean beauty shop selling Korean skincare products and makeup. I started looking for blogs and articles that have the keyword: skincare, Korean skincare and 10 steps Korean routine on it. I got really inspired with Inky Cherie and Elisa Aquino's blog post about Korean Skincare so I decided to give it a try! After all, I'm turning 30 this year and one thing I can fully give to myself is TLC.

I started buying the products that I would like to try and were highly rated and recommended by bloggers, online shops, and articles I've read. Btw, I have a sensitive to oily skin so you’d better know first your type to exactly know which product to use, okay? Let me share with you guys my... 10 Steps Skincare Routine.

1. Oil Based Cleanser

Most people who put on makeup would definitely enjoy the power of these two. I only put eyebrow pencil and tint blush onto my face only when I’m scheduled to be in the office or have some errands to do. So meaning, I only get to use either of the two in those occasions. I would recommend the moisture cleansing oil for it can easily wipe off the makeup residue on the face even your waterproof mascara. So first step is to do the oil cleansing.

2. Foaming Cleanser

Yes, I do the double cleansing to eliminate the excess dirt and to remove the cleansing oil from my face. I am using COSRX Low pH Good Morning Gel Cleanser. I use this twice a day; morning and evening. It does wonder to my face! I mean, after using you will instantly feel its power of making your skin feel and look clean! It’s so gentle but I’m not really good with its smell for I don’t like tea tree oil. I don’t like the smell of tea tree oil so that part, I have to endure. The second step is to do the foaming cleansing.

3. Exfoliator

The most exciting part of doing the 10 steps is to do exfoliating. I am a noob into this kind of thing before, I don’t even know how to exfoliate and why do we have to do so. But now, I am enjoying and learning more about doing this step. I use Watson’s Collagen moisturizing & gentle peeling milk very seldom, but it’s so fun to use because you can actually feel like peeling all the dead skins on your face. Right now I am alternating Neogen Bio-Peel in Lemon and Innisfree Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask every Wednesday and Sunday. Do not over exfoliate your face so basically, it’s advisable to do it once or twice a week.

I love Neogen Bio-Peel because 1) it has lemon scent 2) it has two sides, the rough and the soft side. You use the rough side to exfoliate and the soft side to wash off the dead skin then you wash it off with water. You’ll instantly feel its effect! My skin feels so smooth and regenerated. I also love The Innisfree Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask because 1) the strong absorption of sebum and the cooling effect of the clay refreshes the skin and contracts pores. The label also says that “Jeju volcanic clay is made from minerals released by volcanic explosions in Jeju. It's categorized as a preserved alkaline resource and is effective in removing sebum and other impurities.” 2) I can instantly feel how the mask is like absorbing all of my skin and pores. So the third step is to exfoliate.

4. Toner

I am currently using COSRX One Step Pimple Clear Pads and Son&Park Beauty Water. I use the beauty water in the morning and the one step pimple clear pads in the evening. I don’t know the others but both work perfectly on my skin. When I’m not exfoliating, I am using the pimple pads because I don’t wanna overdo the scrubbing on my face. According to the product’s description, COSRX One Step Pimple Clear Pads are pre-soaked in betaine salicylate and willow bark water to chemically exfoliate without drying out your skin. Active ingredients penetrate deeply into pores to dissolve oil and dead skin cells, which help in controlling breakouts. This one is perfect for acne prone skin!

Son&Park Beauty Water has willow bark and papaya extract and also has lavender water, rose water, and orange fruit extract that imparts a subtle hydration on the skin. I love using this because it’s so refreshing to the skin plus, it smells so good and not too strong. So, choose your toner or beauty water well. The fourth step is toning.

5. Essence

(photo credit)

If you would notice, I am an instant COSRX fan! Not only they have good, gentle and effective products, they also have good packaging! I can’t say much about this essence yet because I am just going to start with this step. I’m still waiting for my order to arrive, probably tomorrow. But I’ve read that essence is the heart of all Korean skincare. “Think of this like vitamins for your face since it's loaded with replenishing and revitalizing nutrients to help prevent and repair damage, giving you ultimate elasticity and hydration.” - this I would have to see for myself. The fifth step is applying essence. (Halfway there!)

6. Serums or Ampoules

I don’t know much about ampoules and I’m not using one so I can’t say much about it. All I can say is that I am loving this Collagen Hydro Balance Intensive Serum because 1) it’s cheap for a serum 2) it smells so good 3) not sticky at all and it dries quickly. I use this in the morning and at night. 4) it locks in the moisture of my skin and it promised to make your skin visibly healthy and youthful and I’m loving the effect on my skin.

I once used Human Nature’s Sunflower Beauty Oil but I didn’t like its oily effect so I quit. I have to keep it because you can also use it for the hair. :) The Sixth step is applying the serum.

7. Sheet Mask

I didn’t give much notice on these sheets before. Honestly, at first, I thought it was just for making you look cute or just a fancy thing most girls do. I was wrong. I first enjoyed Etude House Pearl Extract Sheet Mask then ventured into different brands and kind. Currently, I am into Tony Moly and Innisfree sheet masks. Also, I’m enjoying Tony Moly Egg Pore Nose Pack. These sheets definitely give additional effect on my skin and help at least hydrate and repair my soon to be 30-skin. I only use sheet masks twice a week so if you would notice the whole ten steps thing is not really 10.

So, the 7th step is by using sheet masks.

8. Eye Cream

For the eye cream, I am using this beauty here. Mizon Snail Repair Eye Cream. Why use an eye cream? I have learned recently that the skin around the eyes is more fragile, more prone to dryness, and quicker to show age and fatigue so it has to have extra TLC. This eye cream gives my skin around my eyes a warm effect. It’s warm like really warm and I supposed that’s how it’s doing its job. I use this in the evening after putting my serum. I’m hoping to see less of my wrinkles in the coming days or weeks. The eighth step it to put an eye cream.

9. Moisturizer

I am using this wonderful St. Ive’s Collagen Elastin Moisturizer. I’m sure you would find another moisturizer that would work well on your skin but this one I love because 1) why it's so cheap for a moisturizer 2) it smells amazing 3) dries easily and not sticky at all. It will give you a thick feeling on the face but it’ll submerge eventually. Why use a moisturizer? Because it can give your skin a soft and fresher feel. The ninth step is to moisturize.

10. SPF / Night Cream

At first, I thought sunscreens are only when you have to go to the beach or when you’re going on a camping and would be exposed to the sun the whole day. I was wrong! I didn’t know the importance of sunscreen, especially on the face until I’ve seen videos and read articles about the effect of the sun to the skin. Do some googling. Now, I am using Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-touch Sunscreen and this is my favorite amongst all the products that I’m using! 1) it’s so thin that I couldn’t even feel like I’m wearing a sunscreen 2) it gives a fine touch to my face like wearing a bb cream or foundation and 3) it smells so good! I feel so protected! Op.

And at night, instead of using moisturizer, I use a night cream. It’s like putting a wash-off mask but leaving it overnight while it does its repairing and magic. I am using Mizon Good Night White Sleeping Mask. I can feel and see its effect in the morning, looking at my “just woke up” selfie and looking at the mirror looking for my pores! Gone! hahaha! That’s when I know that I’ve chosen the right product for my night mask. GOOD NIGHT!

Whew! That was quite too many steps, isn’t it? Actually, it would depend on your case and the ways on how you’re going to apply those products. Some would usually have five to six steps and some might only do the three. It depends on the care and repairs your skin needs. Just make sure to find the right product and know your skin type first. Read and do the research.

I’ve bought most of the products I am using online: Shoppe (The BBCream Shop, BeautyBoutique, and Watsons. HAPPY SHOPPING!

So guys, again these steps works perfectly on my skin so if it works on me, that doesn’t mean it would also have the same result on your skin. Not. And also, it’s better to start taking care of your skin early so you don’t have to cram about looking old at your age. There’s nothing wrong about giving your skin an extra TLC. Why Korean products? Because they’re not as expensive as the “infamous” products out there and they’re everywhere! Plus they have cute packaging and they can give same better results like the mainstream skincare products. How about you? What’s your skincare routine?

Here’s my Good morning selfie and when I’m done putting everything on my face “in the office sched selfie”. #NoFilter

#iwrite

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theskyexists · 4 years

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ive bought harrow the ninth and am now attempting to reread act 1 so that i may understand it better

ianthe clearly proposes that Harrow not get herself killed trying to bring Gideon back - reading it over again. instead to take the future and somehow?? be really powerful together and forget about their cavaliers. but harrow says no

im once again struck with how offhand this book introduces the concept that the empire goes out to deliberately kill planets over a couple of generations

now im not sure....there also seems to be an implication that there’s no aliens - because they say only humanity has a soul - but client planets were said to rebel - i guess the human colonisers rebel against central solar system command sometimes? but then what enemy does the Cohort fight? possibly it’s just bigotry that they think aliens dont have a soul

but like - they find LIVING PLANETS and then - kill them slowly. to the extent that they need to move the entire population. WHAT? why do they do that??? just so they can do some bone tricks???!

what the fuk

so how did the planets get murdered again? and which solar system planets could really have been said to have had enough life to have a soul?? cos like, only one of them is really known for that

why did God give Harrow the choice to go back home TWICE if he was never going to let her?

once again, why mess with the Hand candidates if God was always gonna come for Cytherea? just to mess with him more?

yeah - harrow keeps hearing and saying ortus ninegad but the rest of the world remembers gideon.

Harrow truly is totally mentally shattered AND time is totally fucked up

but sometimes in the fake-ish timeline Harrow remembers but doesn’t remember Gideon - like how she notes that there were two womb-bearing members of the Ninth who were the right age...but only elaborates on herself

for some reason - Harrowhark remembers Ianthe’s arm ripped from her by Cytherea - but now it’s whole. for some reason

that letter is still so what the fuck

‘like you did the last time’ - hm harrowhark sewed Ianthe’s lips shut? how did she come by the power?

is ianthe - calling Harrowhark God?

throughout the first act, they keep referring to time, having too much time, or not mastering time, or not having enough time, ‘this time’ etc.

the eggs you gave me all died - that’s DIRECTED at Harrow, is my theory

ok but the planet revenants come after Lyctors and also God (- God became God when? at the Resurrection) before the Lyctors happened - God was still at Canaan House - despite the Revenants already coming right...

is Teacher criticising god and lyctors for leaving Canaan House lol?

ok so yeah Canaan House WAS part of a ‘last sacrifice’

ok so - Harrowhark is a little resurrection miracle. This implies that God killed a lot to resurrect the Houses.

wow God is being a very dad to Harrow

Blood of Eden - BOE - they turned their back on the solar system. now they hate necromancy. in other words - when the solar system died, God resurrected it - but before that point some humans had fled - lived. and they can see what absolute fuckin horror necromancy is ACTUALLY

so what im getting is...maybe...god resurrected humanity by killing the planets...?

i just realised that Ianthe has taken Gideon’s place as the smartass in the room - the counterweight to Harrow’s portentousness

what the fuck do augustine’s comments to Mercy mean???? why is she unloveable? why would he say that God doesn’t need her? and why is it obscene that Augstine calls God John? What is the dangerous game she’s playing? What was the foul implication??

‘Then that is your downfall’ OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Harrow BURN!!!

what i don’t get is - the Cohort is an army - when they land they die because they’re being killed by an enemy at the front - NOT in pure sacrifice for thanergy. so why does only the death of humans and planets produce thanergy. why is the death of the enemy not good enough? they don’t have fuckin souls?? they MUST be complex life. and doesn’t a planet produce a constant stream of thanergy? but i guess it’s not dying enough - generally its life maintains itself in ecosystems.....unless a fuckin lyctor ‘makes the juice flow’ i guess!

sometime in the next book there IS gonna be a ‘are we the baddies’ meme. muir loves memes and she stuck skulls on absolutely EVERYTHIGN. Like WHY THE FUCK would you colonise planets if you gotta kill them for it? LOL????

huh? augustine just said that they can’t use necromancy when in the river - but mercy mocked harrow for having hypothermia ? implying her fundamental failure was not being able to necro while in the river? Harrow’s inability was what was wrong partly right?? oh no ok it’s how Harrow tried to compensate for her body going lights out while in the river. alright. that was written confusingly

how and why is this a completely different story???

The Sleeper.......is Harrowhark? the suit is too close to what she was wearing killing the asteroid. and the sleeper is lying on ‘something’. oh they just straight up say it lololol

ortus got into trouble 19 years ago...hhmmmmm wasn’t Gideon 19??? huh? which is why Mercy started at Harrow’s peculiar YELLOW eyes that Harrow can’t see herself i think

‘i do things face to face’ ortus says after stabbing harrow. HUH? why go for a stab if decapitating would have done the job? just to give her a small chance to fight back? (face to face?)

why not tell God that ‘his’ attack dog is trying to kill you?

why does Ortus the First want me dead? ‘who?’ ---uh. has she forgotten him completely (time shit) or is she saying the wrong name? mercy wouldnt reply like that then right?

she told him and he’s like - oh well guess you gotta just get through repeated almost-successful attacks on your life. ???? THANKS GOD!!!

‘you, with your unfortunate memory for poetry’ HA! i love how we are reminded that she knew all the fuckin damn books nearly by heart which is insane!

Teacher suggests his dying at least three times a day?? hahaha what?.........................is this purely a meme reference. is that meme the mental image im supposed to have of Teacher??????????? is this trying to say that this meme was preserved in the amalgamation of human life that is Teacher?? oh my god....

no.....palamedus and camilla....did old Harrow really kill them.....

seems like all the murders were consensual maybe?

it’s probably too straightforward that Harrow created and alternate timeline and made for a Harrow Lyctor without Gideon dying and kicked her to the original? maybe she took Ianthe and Coronabeth with her bc she needed Ianthe’s help

is this Cytherea or Dulcinea? Pro seems real this time. why does Dulcie call Pal and Cam strands and cords?

did muir put in a fuckin secondary school S - muir’s just like - im gonna put in all the memes as a nod to ancient human culture

still no idea what the messages are that Harrow is getting

This Harrow is so goddamn sick. I mean she was sick before, but at least she had Gideon. Really do feel that that helped her. now she didn’t have that -- AND she’s getting slapped with trauma another five times

if ortus can undo the thanergy of her own bone then why not simply crumble HARROW into dust? cos there’s a core of thanergy fusion in her that he can’t undo?

FLKJDFKLJSDLFSD fucking IANTHE ‘Wow! Not how I imagined this happening, at all.’ FUCKIN HELL

Harrow with her fucking fucked up dramatic inner monologues about weakness and Ianthe comes in with this shit. she really is doing Gideon proud here.

Did love Harrow’s musings about how only a truly idiotically obedient Cavalier would be the only one to keep to a vow of silence. HAH! nice one muir

‘have you taken the time to rest lately?’ asks God, YOUR FUCKING SAINT IS TRYING TO KILL HER IN THE FUCKING BATH YOU IDIOT AHAHAHAHA

JEZUS FUCKING CHRIST - try and be normal Harrow! try and make some soup and read a book! Harrow: *does and then hyperventilates hidden under her bed after 86 hours of zero sleep*

she was trying to remember what cutlery did. why is this so goddamn funny hahahaa. this book has ONLY been Harrow being in extreme states of misery ALL THE TIME both mentally and physically to the point of death

GOD IS HAPPY THAT SHE MADE SOUP AND DOESNT EVEN FUCKIN NOTICE SHE’S NOT SLEPT FOR A WEEK SOMEHOW THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS SHIT

thats what you fucking GET you piece of shit god! you push a prodigy teen to the brink and she fuckin explodes your lyctor and feeds you her fuckin marrow. maybe you shouldn’t have ignored her goddamn fucking understandable distress

SHE FUCKIN HITS HIM WITH THE FUCKIN TRUTH what an IDIOT of a God. he truly doesn’t understand mortality anymore huh

I LOVE HOW MERCYMORN CONTINUES TO MAKE HARROW YOUNGER IN HER HEAD AHAHAHAHAHAHA she’s only nine years old!!!hahahaha

naturally God focuses on how - wait- actually harrow is truly an INSANE necromancer - INSANE

still no idea what the fuck is going on in the not-past

aww. ianthe’s scent soothes harrow now. begrudgingly of course.

i thought this was gonna be lovely angsty harrow/gideon but naturally that did not happen

harrow is comfortable! first time in the whole book! one moment of comfort!!!

‘love my twin, also murder’ tridentarius pffjlfjdljf

‘how i crave your honeyed words’ hah

wow this scene sure is weirdly sexual with these similes lol ‘as though she had shyly undressed for you’ ok there Harrow you about to chop her arm off calm it probably sex repulsed thirsty teen

i do love how....there is this theme again that’s everybody underestimating the main character - who is actually a prodigy. Gideon had that with the sword and Harrow also has it with being a Lyctor now

it’s so telling that these Saints would rather be shits to these babies than help Ianthe grow a new fuckin arm

i dont see why Ianthe can’t work off this bone construct which is her own stuff and put some flesh on it since SHES A FLESH NECRO?

Ianthe that’s super gay

wow muir really never delivers on full gay does she??? i dont mind but i think it’s so striking hahaa

how are Harrow and Ianthe still hung up on the Saint of Duty? i mean, if they dont have him against the RB they’re dead anyway

why is the First going through rain and ice?

Harrow haunted? naawwww

i cant help but like mercymorn though - she cares. it’s soured ages ago but she cares.

awww Harrow needs Ianthe to sleep

Ianthe constantly poking Harrow for her prudishness is so goddamn funny.

‘It’s the type of energy i wish to take into my future’ AHAHAHAHAHAAH IANTHE MY GOD

‘i always forget you were an honest to go nun ... and six years old to boot if you listen to mercymorn’ HAHAHAHAHAHA

‘you look good enough that im proud of my handiwork but not so good that i’ll be consumed with lust and ravish you over the nut bowl’ fpdfjsdfkjsd this is what harrow means with crude japery and yet....

mercymorn has started to call harrow three years old. i will NEVER tire of this gag

all of the blood of eden stuff happened in the past 25 years??? god was on the erebos, but he also remembers ortus kicking the commander out of an airlock? that was in the last 25 years??

Ianthe‘s carressing the nape of Harrow’s neck. hmmhm

its honestly super weird if you think about it for more than 10 seconds that theyre talking about their cavaliers whom they murdered (im still not sure if all consensually) ten thousand years ago (!) and how hot they were that just seems.....fucked up

Harrow is like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basically all the time but especially now. yep well that was to be expected i guess lololol

Harrow being painfully frozenly fascinated by (god having) sex and deeply repulsed is very Harrow

oh nooooo well that was a perfect kiss between them really

the funny thing about Harrow is that though she is so completely fucked up - just like Gideon - she is fundamentally a helper.

why wouldn’t Harrow have thought of blood wards! she knew he could only bleed thanergy! it;s the first thing i thought - just use not bone wards then!

ortus thinks anastasia is in Harrow - which makes me think - why does he think that’s possible?

mercymorn now calls Harrow a two-year-old. i am waiting for embryonic genius

so did they use the river to get to the planets theyre killing?

Harrow feels the peace and pleasure of a stroll through nature that she has come to kill

oh my god - Harrow somehow saved Cam and Pal is still attached to the mortal plane!!

Harrow helps Cam risking herself entirely just like that. yknow as she does

i wonder if Pal has realised that Harrow is not who he remembers

i think he realised once he realised haz mat suit was Harrow also...

ianthe xo’d harrow.....lol

im sad that original harrow is definitely dead.... :( loved her. guess gideon’s not coming back either. not sure how the second adept survived. she didn’t survive in the original timeline either. but she was ‘killed’ in the other - just like coronabeth..so that means soemthing

this whole ‘flashback’ stuff to Canaan House is Harrow being in the River the whole time. the cold temperatures, the blood, the creatures theyre fishing from the sea that apparently abominations

after all, we’ve just learned about river bubbles and a haz!harrow that can change their parameters.

all the people ‘dead’ she’d not spoken to much or at all beforehand. like they’re NOT real, in the River. the only one not like that is Dyas...

the fact that the narrative keeps calling Dulcie, Dulcie means she’s really Dulcie.

there’s giant organs falling from the ceiling. this is definitely the river

they talk about time AGAIN

the Body is the devil who let herself be used to complete the work of Teacher and the Lyctors in his mythology....hmm. and when they realised the price (AFTER? the work was done?) they wanted her dead but he buried her....SHE allowed them to become Lyctors?? I still don’t understand why the heck that was necessary

the king is dead, long live the king. hmmmm

Harrow comes onto a hallucination of the devil who was her first crush with the voice of her parental figures and the eyes of a love interest she can no longer remember - which is actually not precisely a hallucination probably - and gets summarily rejected lol OUCH (the Body didn’t mean it that way ofc)

Harrow is so repressed on every single front but definitely sexually

I love Mercy

so there is death beyond death. does everybody go into the river and become a mad horrid ghost? like - is that everybody’s fate? how awful

ok so God DID resurrect the planets also. ? but like. then why are there resurrection beasts?

what does resurrection mean? and who killed the planets in the first place?

BECOMING NONE HOUSE, LEFT GRIEF

oh.....my god.

ARE YOU AND IANTHE BEING SAFE!!?!?!?! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

HIS BODYGUARD IS THE DEVIL??

so the destruction of Earth somehow made God? as though it was something that simply followed from it

A.L. was destroyed in the first assault? Of an RB

so the RB’s were happily running off in the other direction until they decided to fuck around and kill their mates to become immortal and powerful - then the RB’s turned around and came towards them - which meant leaving the planets God had resurrected forever.

what the fuck god??? hahahahaa

God always seems so likeable goddamn.

Harrow is such a dramatic bitch. Affection??? JUST KILL ME!!! KILL ME!! LET ME SMASH THE GLASS SO I CAN KNEEL IN IT AND BLEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!!!

Harrow goes into her fun kid's game of not dying to traps.

But she instantly calls him father. OH MY GOD

HE DOESNT BELIEVE HER!!!

'then that will be your downfall' - is what Harrow said to Augustine AND IT WILL BECOME TRUE FOR THEM ALL

to be dismissed like that where it hurts most - to have God Dad dismiss her only slip of comfort her only pillar of truth in this crazy old world

'nobody had watched you leave'

SOMEBODY HAD - I love all the deliberate references to Gideon

Temporal lobe!!!! Again the temporal lobe!!!

So why was it again that Harrow refused to be locked in with the Emperor?

So isn't God gonna check out Harrow's temporal lobe? He's just gonna let that mystery go to its death?

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK

Muir what the fuck??!!!!!!!!

Oh it was.....a hallucination?

Always love how this dips into genuine horror sometimes

What's weird is that Lyctors seem made for the task of going into the river and killing Resurrection Beasts - instead of the other way around.

So say - that the sword somehow holds Gideon's soul (we've just learned that that's possible from Pal and also Ortus trying to get Pent to summon his grandma by his sword) - does it not make sense that Harrow 'for some reason' stabbing Cytherea's corpse with it transferred it to her? Or maybe it's SOMEHOW Anastasia if Ortus was macking on her. But Ortus thought HARROW had/was Anastasia.

IANTHE WANTS TO MARRY HARROW - HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Every fucking chapter doesn't make things any clearer. This is worse than Gideon the ninth

Hello???? Am I reading a canon alternate universe roleswap au??? What the FUCK is going on. This is like - if they hadn't gassed the 200 and her parents instead adopted Gideon for her clear necromantic gifts which nobody noticed somehow the other time round

I do love how Aiglamene was the sole source of slight comfort in Gideon's life. And Crux was Harrow's - apparently in any sequence of events.

Harrow is tumbling through timelines. But how can you do that just by messing with the lobe?

WHAT!! WHAT!!!

Is this...is this what I think it is??? Is thi

The fanfic roots are STRONG in this one. In fact I believe I've READ this fanfiction

Harrow's temporal fever dream (in the river?) HAD HER (Decidedly Not) VYING FOR 'HER DIVINE HIGHNESS' hand, which is either the Body or Gideon or both lololol. Seeing as the previous had Gideon as the main unnamed titled character - I bet it's Gideon ahahaaga

A fucking. COFFEESHOP AU. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

We've had roleswap, 'ball' au, and coffee shop au populated by the ghosts of the dead LOLOL,

I knew it!! I knew that they were ghosts and that they were in the river!!

Ok so but when did Harrow shoddily create the bubble? When she adjusted her memories at the start? When is this. Ah Harrow has the same thought hahaa

So the stage is a - she was building her memories while sleeping?

Why is that she cannot access her lyctorhood like this...

I just realised that Harrow's mind made the party food taste like SALT based on Ianthe's cooking!!!! Hahahaha

THE NARRATOR IS GIDEON. But it doesn't sound like Gideon though

There's more to the work than simply preserving Gideon's soul though. There are next steps that Harrow prepared for that Harrow doesn't know about yet

Who was the sleeper and why was it in Harrows riverscape of memories that she ACCIDENTALLY??? made

Ok she sounds like Gideon NOW

Gideon no it's not because she didn't want you! It's because she wanted you to live!!!!!

And she succeeded....your soul is INTACT in her body!!!! You're protecting her with full consciousness!! How the fuck. And why didn't that happen before when she went to the bubble?

Are the ghosts of the contestants happy that they got pulled out of the River briefly? Or were they so briefly in there they couldn't remember?

She returned them to the RIVER???? is that really such a kind fate????

Something has gone wrong in the River - yeah because why r all these ghosts going insane and stoppering it up like slib

Do love how Muir has found a way to give these characters more screentime

I actually said 'oof' when Harrow screamed at Ortus - oof that really is embarrassing. GodDAMN Ortus you stepping up with the emotional support!

I've EVEN read the damn fanfic in which they switched bodies. My god.

A. L. apparently is thought to wander about still. I think she's the body....I do believe she's the body. That's why the Lyctors are scared of her

She thought - what. Mercy is talking about blood of Eden's commander. What is going onnnnn still!!!! Mercy is the traitor I guess. But how is blood of Eden connected to the ninth house and the body?

Why is Mercy awake on the mithraeum and not in the River anyways?

Gideon.... And the commander were in cahoots? So did A. L. and Anastasia an the body and the commander all have the same eyes?????

What the fuck is going on indeed.

Cytherea seems to have had a plan B for getting revenge on the Emperor. Or something had a plan B with her corpse as the main weapon.

If guns are so effective against people why aren't they still used.

The messages are from the commander. I.e. Gideon's mother. I.e. Anastasia? We never explicitly did learn how she met her end no? Gideon was convinced that Anastasia had taken the baby. It just seems incongruous how the Emperor spent like 80 years on the Erebos and the Lyctors were faffing about - meanwhile there was this drama going on in the last half century?

I love Abigail Pent. Love that I got to see more of her.

I'd honestly forgot that Judith was alive by the end of all of that shit

The sleeper is -the sleeper is Gideon's mother. Also. She's haunted by her mother. SOMEHOW. what the fuck? They couldn't drag her spirit back from the river they said!

'you wizards never learn' there's a whole modern regular sci fi world and culture out there! Or maybe it's just a. L.

Is it? Or is it Anastasia? Or is it the commander? Or are they the same thing?

The sleeper wants Harrow's body. Somehow invaded it - probably from the river? - which means its Anastasia or the commander. Which means that whatevers possessing Cytherea is someone else.

In retrospect - Harrow's coldness to Ianthe talking about - to what her - seemed nonsense at the time - in the very first part - doesn't quite fit.

Oh my fucking GOD Gideon is fighting Ianthe for messing around with her fucking girlfriend - who is HARROW, who actually, Ianthe wants to marry.

They just went from ramping up to a serious fight to Gideon dropping Corona's name and suddenly they're like - ah we got more important priorities actually.

Augustine's first thought at thinking a.l./the body (?) is in Harrow is John - and the Second is Joy!(mercy?)

'How I was gonna have to take showers with all your clothes on.' fuckin Gideon hahahaha

Wonder if Ianthe truly believes what she's saying - that Harrow was trying to rid hersel of Gideon. It's preposterous. It's just hurtful talk.

GIDEON REALLY THOUGHT THAT LOOK TO MEAN THAT HARROW DIDNT LOVE HER??? THIS IS A CONSTANT BARRAGE OF ALL THE ANGSTY DRAMATIC SHIT IVE BEEN YEARNING FOR

Oh my fucking god Gideon calling Ianthe out for being in love with Harrow in the most iconic way ufsojdjdodnd 'she wants the D - the D stands for dead'

Crazy brain-mutilated Harrow sure made it seem that way I can tell ya that!!

Hahahahahaha Ianthe remembering Harrows prudish Ortus/Cytherea shit. Amazing

Aw Gideon really went and fell right into the cavalier/bone mistress shit huh. And trying to shield Harrow - well as noted before - very necessary because harrow has been having a godawful miserable time - mostly because of herself.

Gideon appreciating Ianthe's pun xD

Love how neither of them position themselves as the love of Harrows life but instead as inexorably attached to her by the sheer role they play in her life - they don't dare aspire to what they think they can't get.

Muir realises this is gonna end up as a Gideon/Harrow(/theBody)/Ianthe ship right?

Oh WOW THIS IS AMAZING. nonius the legendary nonius!!! Come to protect Harrow!!!

For some reason the Sleeper can manipulate the rules of this River bubble and doesn't seem surprised about it

If all her cavaliers were this excited for death, she was definitely the problem.lololol. somehow Harrow, you inspired undying loyalty in even a person that you treated abominably

Yeah Harrow you slowpoke. If the Sleeper can adjust the rules - so can you

If the sleeper was not Harrow's invention - but planted itself - then they're very lucky it got to the ghosts that weren't actually there - first.

So it was the commander....a portrait in a shuttle of blood of eden - can only be the commander. And redhaired? There are too many red haired people in this book!!

It's nice how all these ghosts got to have lasting impact from beyond the grave

NONIUS KNEW ORTUS/GIDEON?

Ok so ....there's the bed of the River with stoma. But there might also be the other side.

Did Harrow really not account for steps beyond her plan to mutilate her brain?

Is this book really gonna go: fuck you Gideon will die anyway ?????

But.wait. the sleeper had a two-hander. Where did that go???

I don't get it. If they go into the river - won't they also go insane?

SO NYAH!!!!!???

Ok but - what? The Commander ALSO -somehow - took over Cytherea's body?

'did the ten billion give you that too' I KNEW CANAAN HOUSE HELD EVEN GRUESOMER EXPERIMENTS AND SACRIFICES THAN LYCTORHOOD. God is made of ten billion souls. I think they killed humanity on earth to spare it 'slow inexorable apocalypse' and used the power to make the Empire from the resurrected. There was an extremely vague implication by Teacher to the amount of souls violated in Canaan house in the first book.

So God knows the commander went for the ninth house? Firstly, how. I don't understand how Anastasia fits in here!!! It would explain though how the commander

So the commander found the ninth house - and she died right? They tried to call her spirit but couldn't. But she became a revenant?

Ah. God THREW the bomb.

A fuckin wake me up inside joke jskdjskdnd

So Mercy and Augustine ( not Gideon ?) had all turned against God? And they were working with the commander to -... Make a baby????? And then evacuate the houses???? (For when God dies - there being a risk that Dominicus would go out I guess)

Make a baby/body to lever the one who lies in the tomb into....?

Love how the book foreshadowed Mercy and Augustine manipulating and lying to God - and turns out they did that on much bigger scale

They....meant to kill the baby to break the blood ward?

'The woman who I was pretty sure was my mother, wearing the body of the woman I'd had a crush on, who in turn had been wearing the identity of a woman she'd murdered -' KSNFKDJDKFJJFC

So why did they want this consistently characterised as kindly and humane god dead?

GIDEON THOUGHT IT WAS HIS!!!! But he called Wake Anastasia then????

They really are the same???

Oh my god I know what they're gonna say. Gideon is the daughter of God. WHICH HARROWS FUCKIN ROYALTY AU FEVER RIVER DREAM FUCKING FORESHADOWED HAAHAHAHAHHAA

Isn't it fucking ironic that God told Harrow that - HE WANTED HER TO BE HIS??? WHILE GIDEON HIS ACTUAL DAUGHTER WAS SPINNING INSIDE HER CHEST LIKE A LITTLE NUCLEAR FUSION REACTOR

They've been trying to kill him for more than 500 years???? Did mercymorn actually genuinely learn the extremely fine knowledge of the body for THIS purpose? How many thousands of years ago did they decide to kill god?

A fucking DAD JOKE

GIDEON REMEMBERING HOW SHE USED TO TELL HARROW HOW HER OTHER PARENT MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD SO STOP PICKING ON HER

I am fucking DELIGHTED I AM SO GODDAMN OVERJOYED

It segues into a reminder of how shit their childhoods were and how their suffering had them lash out at each other endlessly and how it made Harrow suicidal and shit though - which is great

ALECTO'S EYES. THE A. FOR A. L.

A. L. The cavalier of God....but she walked. She had a body.

Ohhhhh. That's why they betrayed him. That age-old hurt. Ten thousand years old but still the bane of their existence, the seed of their madnesses. The loss of their cavaliers. Oh how did they manage to keep that from him?

I honestly thought - is Mercy saying she knows he killed humanity? But that's not what she couldn't have forgiven?

But why did he hide it? Why did he hide the perfect way? ('it would be easier' why???)

Ah. Yes. The expansion, why would the Emperor do that?

Uhhhhh. Couldn't Mercy have done that all along??????????????????????? Couldn't Mercy have killed God all along? That was both a trick and utterly sincere.

Augustine and Mercy were trying to do the right thing..... Mercy.... :'( Augustine was right. God is much less sentimental than he seems.

'im not even mad that you failed to either fix or put down Harrow' hm guess the constant kill quest HAD come from God after all. What a goddamn bitch of a man

What was the original plan? Unleash a. L. ? And then what? How would that help with the whole Dominicus going out problem?

Had God ever really thought to make up for all the bullshit he put his Lyctors through. He seems so affable and human but he's caused so much suffering. He's as good at manipulation at them - better!

The resurrection beast can't kill him, but he let his Lyctors die to them one by one anyway. So why??

Why are they punching each other in the River? They can use theorems right? God could blast Augustine to pieces same he did mercy?

Yes! It's true! Pyrrha and Gideon both exist in the same body - foreshadowed by his cavaliers build. There was something so fishy about it.

I love how Gideon has exactly the same response as me: what the fuck. Pyrrha??? Gideon??? What the fuck??? Why did they BOTH have an affair with their enemy??? So ok. Pyrrha stayed underground from Everybody for the thousand years. SOMEHOW their compartmentalisation let her pop up in his body regularly and not just when Gideon remembered her - because the hadn't fucked up his brain. But then how did THEY do that.

This absolutely galactic balsiness

The stoma thinks John is a resurrection beast. Might it be.....because he's..... A revenant. A 10 billion souled kinda- revenant ? A bit like.....Harrow is? Which is why he felt kin to her? Which is why he compared her creation to Resurrection?????I've really gotta reread those messages from commander wake.

A fucking jail for mother meme. Jail for one thousand years. Gideon how do you know this one????

I KNEW Ianthe would do that. Knew it. She doesn't want the system to die. Coronabeth is still out there. Well guess what - she's on the opposite side babe. Ok I realised that Gideon's mum apparently stuck to Gideon and then the sword? But also did Harrow manage to break the blood ward because of of her proximity to Gideon? Did Harrow uhhhh get put into a pocket in the river? But the emperor wasn't murdered!!! Fuckin chapters kept lying. They're on a hold planet. Finally - we meet the people. Alecto and Camilla and Corona? And Judith.? Did Alecto somehow do a time twisty around to come save Gideon at that moment in the river? Once again nothing much more is clear.

#my stuff #harrow the ninth #gtn #ninth

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