#to me the only reason alex’s relationship with men fails all the time is because she just isn’t into them

[emmafallsinlove]

s9 of modern family when the whole family is going on boat trip was a great episode to establish lesbian!alex and bring back andy. there i said it

#to me the only reason alex’s relationship with men fails all the time is because she just isn’t into them #she’s so lesbian it hurts my soul they just decided to not go in that direction #she is always kind of ashamed by her sexuality in general and never feels comfortable with show interest around her family #which is get it i’m just like her #i just think it’d make super sense for them to go in that direction and yet they didn’t but keep giving her stupid interactions with men #who never give her character arc justice #and like in haley’s case after we found out dylan is um… married? with 3 kids? #like c’mon it’s was the perfect opportunity to bring andy back 😭 #alex dunphy #haley dunphy #modern family

[pynkhues]

Sophie. Please explain to me why an exchange including the sentence "I'd castrate and marry you" was so. effing. soft. (you know, right before the weird slap fight)

Alex!!!! I have so many Thoughts!!!

Okay, a few years ago, I read Anna Krien's incredible non-fiction book Night Games which is about a lot of things, but in particular it's about the relationship between sports, power and sex. Through those things it talks a lot about the relationship between toxic masculinity and male-to-male intimacy and community, and how violence against 'others' (namely women, but also other perceived outsiders to that male community) as well as each other, is really deeply entwined at the heart of that.

It's a book I think about a lot generally, but I seriously think about it all the time with Succession, because in a lot of ways, it's the same. It's the corporate world of course, not sports, but it's steeped in the same exclusivity, the same machismo, the same perceived excellence and masculine 'ideal' – god, it's the breadwinner on steroids, right? (A particularly interesting concept for a character like Logan who came from nothing and who's father died when he was a small child, but that's neither here nor there for this question, haha).

One of the concepts though at the heart of the book is that toxic male culture creates an environment where intimacy in male relationships is something that is both deeply and humanly craved, and heavily derided and punished. Men aren't supposed to want intimate relationships with other men, but they do, and how they seek it is through the creation of a sort of 'pack' and male community, which is often forged through a kind of violence – war, sport, gangs, fights, corporate hostile takeovers, haha.

You can hug a man on your team, but only after you've tackled one on the other team to the ground.

Or worse – you rape a woman with your friend, to create a deeper closeness to your friend and solidify your 'male community'.

You perform an act of violence to allow an act of intimacy.

Again, Anna's book's pretty specifically about sport (and even more specifically about Australian Rules Football, although she does talk about other sport as well), but the basis is one that feels really realised in Succession.

God, think about the s1 finale where it's through the death of a waiter – an outsider to the community – that allows Logan to close the gap between him and Kendall again.

I think Tom and Greg embody that same principle in so many ways, but it's different for them. Many of the characters on this show perform versions of manhood and masculinity, frequently failing in their delivery, but Tom was expressing an act of violence as a request for intimacy because he doesn't know how else to get it.

He can't get either professional support nor personal comfort from his wife, and both are things he's received previously from Greg. They're a relationship that in some ways cemented itself in their 'othering' from the Roy community – peripheral players to power instead of they themselves wielding it – and I think it leaves both of them hungry for a community of their own. An intimacy.

The story of Nero and Sporus isn't just about violence and intimacy after all, it's about getting rid of a family to create a new one in that family's image – kill Shiv and replace her with Greg. Not an imitation exactly, but a relationship that lets Tom feel in control, and grants him what he wants – someone he can look after, someone he can be intimate with, someone, he feels, is on his team. The story itself is dark, but the reason beneath it isn't – Tom's seeking a space to be vulnerable with someone he feels connected to, but he has no idea how to do it.

Violence, intimacy and power are all mixed up together for men like these, and I feel like that was such a loaded and honest example of it.

#everyone on this show is just #such a mess #i'm really fascinated by the way this show explores masculinity though #and like i said above there's such a distinct relationship between sex and power on this show #which is FASCINATING because there's not a lot of actual sex on the show at all #it's so heavily (and often homophobically) utilised though #once again i feel the need to point out nobody on this show is straight though hahah #greg x tom #greg hirsch #tom wambsgans #hbo succession #succession 3.04 #succession spoilers #welcome to my ama

[perlukafarinn]

(ao3)

The day starts out pretty unremarkable. Dean wakes up at the crack of dawn to Cas slipping out of bed for his morning jog. He pulls him down for a good-morning kiss that turns into a make-out session that turns into them trading lazy handjobs and then falling asleep in each other’s arms again. 

Their actual start to the day is around ten AM, when Cas finally gets up for his jog and Dean gets up for his cereal and a scroll through the morning news. He’s on the look for hunts, mostly out of habit since there’s been very little monster activity since Chuck went and fucked off for good. He doesn’t find anything this morning but that’s hardly a surprise. It’s been a couple of weeks since they’ve been out on a hunt and that inactivity, weirdly enough, is starting to bother him less and less. 

Cas comes back from his jog about an hour before noon and with the mildest of prodding convinces Dean to join him in the shower. Afterwards, they throw together a lunch made from yesterday’s leftovers, taking their time eating and playing footsie under the table, because that’s apparently the kind of couple they are.

Usually by this time of day, Cas would be off in the Men of Letters’ library working on translations or cataloging and Dean would be on the phone helping Garth help out young, out-of-their depth hunters or in the garage, working on one of the beautiful but sadly neglected vehicles left behind there decades ago. 

Today, both of them are seemingly feeling kind of lazy and so hardly any work gets done. It’s not until late in the afternoon that Dean feels the urge to do something productive and suggests they go out for groceries, which Cas readily agrees to. 

The ride into town is quiet. Cas plays his mixtape - the damn thing should be worn out by now and Dean should  long since be sick of it but for reasons too sappy to mention he isn’t - and they sit and listen in comfortable silence. It’s not until they pass the town hall on their way to the supermarket that Cas gets a contemplative look on his face.

“Should we get married?”

Only years of experience behind the wheel prevent Dean’s hands from twitching wildly and veering them into oncoming traffic.

“What.”

Cas looks over, frowning. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Is there any reason for us not to get married? We’re already planning on staying together for the rest of our lives.”

“Is there any reason-” Dean wheezes. “What the fuck, Cas? Is this your idea of a proposal?”

“Are you saying no?” Cas asks, mildly curious, as if they’re talking about the fucking weather and not getting married. “Because we don’t have to.”

Dean stares ahead, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “Are you actually asking?”

“I suppose I am.”

“You ‘suppose’,” Dean mocks. “Gee, Cas, that’s real romantic.”

“Will you marry me?”

Dean pulls over. It’s far too sudden, probably leaving tire tracks in the concrete, and the driver behind them honks his horn loudly as he passes. Dean ignores him, taking a deep breath as he finally turns to face Cas. 

“Are you sure?”

He doesn’t really have to ask - Cas wouldn’t have brought it up if he wasn’t sure - but he needs to hear it. 

Thankfully, Cas seems to get that. “I want to marry you, Dean. Do you want to marry me?”

“Son of a bitch,” Dean breathes. “I mean - yes. Yeah, I do.”

Cas nods decisively. “Alright then. Now?”

“Now?”

It’s not exactly how Dean imagined this scenario would go (not that he - shut up) but it’s somehow the most romantic fucking thing that’s ever happened to him since Cas first told him he loved him. And hey, this time no one had to die!

They turn around, since there’s no point in going in without (forged) birth certificates. Once they get to the town hall, shortly before closing, they find out that it’s a three-day mandatory waiting period between applying for a marriage license and them actually being allowed to get married.

Cas suggests they use the interim time to pick up wedding rings. They wind up spending the next day driving to Topeka, where they find a couple of silver rings in a pawn shop. They’re tarnished but otherwise in good condition and once they get home, Dean spends the rest of the evening cleaning them while trying very hard not to think about just what they’re for.

The second day, Cas spends out back tending to his garden while Dean almost dials Sam’s number repeatedly before hanging up, torn between wanting to let his brother know that he’s getting married and not wanting to jinx it.

The third day, they head back into town. They arrive at the town hall just after it opens and it’s not until they’re standing in front of the clerk that Dean realizes they don’t have any witnesses. The clerk assures him that they don’t need one for civil ceremonies and the next ten minutes pass in a blur until Dean is being prompted to place the ring on Cas’ finger.

He does so with shaking hands, stilled only once Cas places one of his own on top and gives Dean a patient smile. He’s this calm for a reason, Dean finally realizes.

This doesn’t change anything.

Married or not, they’ve already promised themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. Til death do them part doesn’t even begin to describe it, and in sickness and in health is almost laughable at this point.

This really doesn’t change anything.

Dean’s own hand is still as Cas takes his turn, sliding the silver ring upon Dean’s finger. They say their “I do”s when prompted by the clerk, exchange a short, firm kiss, and just like that it’s over.

They’re married. 

*

When Jody invites them to dinner about a week later, they still haven’t told anyone. Sam and Eileen will be there as well as Jack and the girls - it’s a regular family reunion and the perfect chance to announce the big news to everyone.

Dean has a better idea.

“Let’s not tell anyone,” he says. “At least, not before dessert. Let’s see if they notice first.”

They’re in the Impala, about half an hour away from Jody’s place. 

Cas shoots him an amused look. “Is this because Sam claimed he always knew we’d get together when we first told him we were involved?”

“No,” Dean lies. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel, seeing Cas still giving him that look from the corner of his eye. “Fine, yes. But he didn’t know, for the record. He just likes to pretend he’s always on top of this shit.”

“He doesn’t like to admit when you’ve surprised him,” Cas agrees.

The conversation ends there but Dean’s plan is apparently agreed upon since once they arrive at Jody’s, Cas doesn’t say a word about their recent relationship upgrade. Jody doesn’t seem to notice anything different, but then Dean didn’t expect her to. She’s not the one they spend most of their time around. Neither do Donna, Alex, Claire or Kaia, none of them surprises. Patience, Dean is less sure about, but she at least doesn’t say anything. Her eyes do linger unusually long but that could mean anything.

Damn psychics.

Sam and Eileen arrive half an hour after Dean and Cas, Jack in tow. This is the real test; Sam and Dean may not spend as much time together in the past few months as they did in the years before but he’s still the person who knows Dean best and would be the most likely to notice a difference.

And yet, nothing.

Dean tries not to feel too smug.

They go through dinner without anyone mentioning it. Dean makes a point of reaching across the table as many times as he can, showing off the ring glinting on his finger. Cas must notice him doing it, judging by the fond exasperation on his face, but he’s the only one.

It isn’t until dessert that Patience breaks, patience (hah) clearly run out:

“Is no one going to mention that Dean and Castiel are wearing wedding rings?”

And all hell breaks loose.

Sam is wounded - mostly over Dean and Cas not telling him before they got married, though Dean can tell some part of it is his pride at not seeing this coming - but he’s over it soon enough, once they explain that it wasn’t a big deal, not some proper ceremony, just a quick affirmation of what they already knew.

“See if I make you Best Man at my wedding after this, jerk,” Sam tells Dean.

“Your wedding?” Eileen asks pointedly. 

Jody and Donna offer their congratulations before the conversation can get awkward, and Kaia, Alex, and Patience chime in with theirs as well. Jack looks confused at the whole proceeding, finally asking whether this means there won’t be any bouquet to catch, which only means Dean has gravely failed him in his pop culture education (oh, who’s he kidding, as if half the romcoms Jack has watched didn’t come directly from the recommended tab on Dean’s Netflix account). 

Finally, with a pointed elbow from Kaia and a hangdog expression from Cas, Claire mumbles that she’s happy for them. While Dean doesn’t doubt that’s true he also knows that this is more complicated for her than the rest of them, and for the first time he kind of feels guilty about springing this news on everyone. 

It doesn’t last long, not after Donna cheerfully raises her glass and proposes a toast to the happy couple and everyone else follows suit. They chant for them to kiss and, blushing outrageously, Dean complies, leaning over to press a quick kiss against Cas’ lips. 

“So, who proposed?” Sam asks once the hooting and hollering has calmed.

“Cas did,” Dean says, slinging an arm around his husband’s - his husband’s - shoulders. “And it was the least romantic proposal of all time, you should’ve heard him.”

Cas rolls his eyes. “If I had left it up to you, we never would have gotten married.”

“He didn’t even give me time to pick out flowers,” Dean informs Sam gravely. 

“There’s always the vow renewal,” Cas says, the casual statement managing to sound like a threat, and Dean shuts up. 

The conversation moves on, the mood noticeably cheerier. As Jack and Sam launch into a story of their most recent hunt, Dean leans against Cas.

“We could have flowers, if you want,” he mutters. 

Cas smiles at him, so bright and easy that it makes Dean’s heart stutter. He takes Dean’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the cool silver of Dean’s ring.

“That’s not necessary,” he says. “I’ve got everything I want right here.”

#deancas #destiel #spn fanfic #perlukafarinn writes #fluff #domestic #post-canon #established relationship #thank u to miriam who read through most of this #and assured me that it's plenty gay!

[dancingintheraindreamingonday]

A little wicked - Chapter 9

Author’s note: This will probably be the last chapter of my Bucky series. What a journey. Thanks to everyone!! 

Warning: Huge plot twist, that even I haven’t seen coming when I first wrote the story.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

„Do you wanna live in Delacroix?“, You ask Bucky as you set the table for dinner. 

“Why are you asking?”

“I saw how much you enjoyed your time there and we’re still looking for a house. So...why not looking there?” 

After you got kidnapped in your old house, Bucky refused to live there again. 

“I thought you loved the city life.” 

“I don’t really care anymore where we live as long as we live together.” 

„I’m really lucky to be your husband.“, Bucky kisses you but stoppes as he receives a call from Sam. „There was an attack at the GRC conference. Sam needs me.“

„Go. Be safe. And kick their asses.“, you smile weakly as Bucky leaves your flat. 

As soon as he left, you check your phone seeing the messages you received, warning you about the upcoming attack hours ago. 

After making sure that Alex is safe and he’s taken care of you leave your apartment as well. A car is already waiting for you, taking you to the building where the conference is being held.

~*~

You’re standing in the shadow watching Sharon, Bucky and Sam talking. You know that Sam and Bucky will have each other’s back. That’s why you only observe Sharon and eventually follow her. 

Batroc points a gun at Sharon demanding more money. Morgenthau points her gun at her too. 

You curse under your breath as you come out of your hiding and without any warning you shot Batroc straight in the head without shaking. Sharon and Morgenthau shot each other while the later is deadly injured. 

“You are a great actress, Sharon. I’m really impressed.”, you say as you put your gun away. 

“Why didn’t you tell me your plan? I warned your days before the kidnapping that they will come for you. I don’t understand it.”, Sharon got shot in her stomach, breathing hard. 

“I knew Hydra would come- sooner or later. They wanted Alex to experiment with. And I also knew Valentina would think you’re the Power Broker and wanted to work with you. Thats why I spoke on your answering machine. So that you could gain her trust. That James and Sam found it was a coincidence but you played along. Really good. So when they came to kidnapp me, I offered myself. And they couldn’t believe their luck. Pregnant, vice-director of Shield and the wife of the winter soldier. I knew they would take me and experiment with me with their last serum they got. The last serum because the others got stolen and I knew Zemo would kill the doctor eventually. They wasted their last serum on me without knowing I’m immune. And when they think you’re dying they tell you everything. I needed that information about Valentina. It was definitely worth it.”

You look on your watch.

“Sam will be here any minute so I better be going. You...” you look at Sharon “will stay here in the city. I have a little present for you in the next days. And you...” you look at Karli “You shouldn’t have stolen the serum from me. And you shouldn’t have fight James. Killing the other super soldier wasn’t my plan in the beginning. You’re just a means to an end.” 

You walk away and leave the hall before Sam sees you. 

~*~*~

Cameras and lot of people were standing and watching Sam reasoning and convincing the GRC. You pass the police officers as they prevent the crowd to come even closer. „Did you write that down first or was it off the top of your head? Spoken like the true Captain America.“, you smile as you walk to the men. „Ah. Director Barnes, good seeing you here. There’s lot to talk about after todays event.“ The man says after he shakes your right hand. „And we will.“, you lay your left hand on top of his while still shaking. „(Y/f/n), what are you doing here? Does Bucky know you’re here?“, Sam looks at you suspiciously. „SHIELD is always there where bad things happen.“, leaving the equivocation unanswered. 

„Excuse me, I need to make sure that the remaining terrorist are safely escorted to jail.“, and with that you turn around but not walking to the cars where the rebels are in but to another car in the shadow. A man walks up to you with a little device in his hand that looks very similar to a remote. „Thanks, Stan. Good work. See you later.“ You say as you take the device and walk further. You knock at the car window and open it. „Do you want me to press the button or do you want to do it yourself?“, you say in perfect German. „I’ll do it on my own.“, answers the man in the car, taking the device and presses the button. The explosion is huge and lightens up the inside of the car your inside. „Good. Very good. We’re even.“, says the man. You smile knowing that James is finally off Zemo’s list. You sacrificed the flag smashers for James, but you don’t feel any remorse. You would do anything to protect your family. 

~*~*~

„(Y/f/n)!“, James shouts. He’s running and looking for you in panic. „James, I’m here.“, you scream back as you run in his direction. „God, (y/f/n), what the fuck are you doing here?! It isn’t safe here for you. For you both.“ Bucky looks at you and on your stomach. „When Sam told me you were here and the car exploded, I thought… I thought…“ He can’t finish the sentence and you hug him tightly. „I’m sorry. I didn’t want to scare you. I’m here as a representative for SHIELD.“

„Sharon’s here. I’ve heard she will stay in town.“, Bucky grunts still not forgiving her. „I know. I forgave her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trusting her, but I know the bad influence Madripoor has on people. Maybe she will change.“, you lie.

„Your kindness always amazes me.“, says Bucky as he kisses your head. 

~*~*~

Three days later you open the door to your office. A small brown package is on your desk. You open it and as you realize what it is you can’t help but smile. Inside of the package was the book „The prince“ by Machiavelli. It’s the same book you sent Zemo some time ago. You open it and see Zemo’s graceful handwriting One is controlled but the other is still standing

You know immediately who Zemo is referring to. Bucky and Walker.

When you found out that HYDRA is working on the serum again, and when you stole it and then the flag smashers sole it from you, you knew it was just a question of time till Zemo will be out of jail and take a side. And you wanted him to be on yours. So you visited him and made sure that you both are on the same page- that the other super soldiers have to die but not James. You made clear that Bucky wasn’t a threat. That he’s broken trying to make amend for his killing. That he has settled and there is no need for Zemo to kill Bucky. And Zemo liked you- you were both born in Leipzig and you both had difficulties to cope with loss. Two smart minds wanting to destroy the serum.

You take the book to your bookshelf making a mental note to visit Zemo in the Raft.

Someone knocks at your door. Sharon Carter. 

„They offered me full pardon.“, says Carter as she walks into your office. „I know.“ You say. „I wrote the text that the senator read aloud.“ 

„So, I’ll be working in my old division?“, asks Sharon. „No. Thats not happening, Sharon.“, you laugh.

„But I’ve got you a job that’s even better. You will work for SWORD. Its an extra-governmental intelligence agency. Probably you’ve heard about them. Their former leader Hayward was a pain in the ass. Like Pierce 2.0. I’ve heard Fury wants to work there and because of his relationship with Valentina, I’m not trusting him at the moment. So you will work there and keep an eye on everyone. Oh and I hope you told your assistant that the super soldiers are off the menu. But there are other things we can offer.“

„I already called her about that. But there is still one question I have. How did you become director?“

You smile wickedly. „Well, the arrogance of men never ceases to amaze me. When Sam gave the shield away it was just a question of time till they demand a new Captain America. And everyone wanted John Walker. Received three Medals of honor, good looking and a soldier who does everything  what is commanded than rather what is right. I didn’t like him. James told me years ago, that you can see madness in people’s eyes and man, his eyes were full with madness. So I didn’t agree with the board but the director and vice-director both has to agree. So I made them an offer. I told them that for this voting they can outvote me if everyone on the board agrees with our director. And if Walker does his job well I will leave my position. But if he fails, I will be the new director. All they did was laugh at me. They of course outvoted me and they even planned my goodbye-party. And I just waited and waited. And with Walker being so unstable I didn’t waited for long. And now I’m here and the director is gone and most of the board members as well. Arrogance is dangerous. Never estimate your opponent.“

„So where is Walker now?“

„I’m not sure but I’m pretty certain that he’s with Valentina and they are up to no good. Valentina wants James dead and Walker wants Sam dead because Sam is the new and definitely the better Captain America.“

~*~*~

A week later, you, Bucky and Alex are sitting in the car heading to Sam’s home town. The letter from Tony is laying in your purse. The envelope is still sealed but the answer in it isn’t unknown to you. You’ve known the answer for years, never telling anyone, not even James. People would be intimated if they’d known your heritage- your dad’s and your mom’s. And you learned that being an intimating woman only makes men defensive and its hard to work with them. Men need to feel strong and useful and that’s your strength. You always know how to make men feel that way around you, even it it’s just an illusion and even now that you’re the director they don’t feel intimated and that makes them careless and easy to read. 

„I never felt so much happiness than in this moment right now. It feels like a new chapter is starting.“, you grin at Bucky caressing his cheek. His five o’clock shadow tickles you and he leans against your hand. 

„Falling in love with you in Bucharest seems like so long ago. It’s been so difficult, James. This is a dream come true. Having a normal life with you is all I’ve ever wanted.“

Bucky stops the car in the middle of the road. He bends over you, kissing you possessively and pressing you against your car door. „You’re my home, (y/f/n). You’re my constant, my hope, my life and my family. Being loved by you is the greatest gift.“ He kisses you again, trailing soft kisses on your neck. 

You giggle freely and even though it arouses you tremendously you stop Bucky. „No sex in the car, while Alex is still here.“

Bucky grins playfully as he starts the car. „We will continue this later.“ 

~*~*~

Sam’s hometown celebrates the new Captain America and as Bucky arrives they also celebrates him as the white wolf. 

You danced and talked and ate and forgot everything you’ve ever done for the sake of your family until you receive a text message from Stan, who is securing the surrounding. Fury’s on his way to Delacroix. Accompanied by Hill and Dave. 2 minutes.

Dave is a co-worker of you. Of course he doesn’t know anything but his betrayal angers you anyway and there will be consequences.

„Is that Fury? What is he doing here? And why does he look so angry?“, asks Bucky Sam. Bucky hands you Alex over, who was relaxing on Bucky’s shoulders and both men are walking up to him, ignoring or maybe just forgetting that it is you who holds the most power and the reason for Fury’s visit. 

Everyone is underestimating you just like you’ve always wanted. 

  @inlovewith3 @jackiehollanderr @homesicam@dreamydreamerwriting @losers-club6 @gengen64@agentsofsheilds @crimson-darling @akkinda10 @xemine@bubblegumholland @chipilerendi @iamasimpingh0e @bbmommy0902 @madddiiee26 @teenagedreams-bucky @aya-fay @idontknowwhatthisisfam @w-wolfhxrd @useless-creature-213   @angywritesstuff @supernaturalcat7 @harrys-stan @geek-and-proud @pastel-boy-sungjae @austynparksandpizza @maxsaturdayhatesnarwhals  @teenagedreams-bucky @auds24 @ah-blossom @supraveng @lady-loki-ren @freakyhood96 @bbl32

#sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barns x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes feels

[rawstfish]

CoD sexuality head-canons

I'm bored and want an excuse to not write...so I did this because I keep seeing them. And by keep seeing them, I mean I saw two and wanted to put my personal opinion in.

Modern warfare:

Price is soooo gay. What straight man is committing war crimes 24/7??? And this dude is also fucking posing. He's also ployamorous, dating all the boys in his squad.

Gaz is gay. Literally his actor made a post about Gaz and included the rainbow emoji in his post.

Soap is very obviously gay. His journal is just him writing about his crush on price. Also he was raise catholic and people with religious parents 99% of the time turn out gay.

Alex is bisexual. Like him and Farah are dating but he also wanted her brother too.

Farah is straight. I don't really have a reason for this beside I just can't see her with a woman. She pegs Alex though.

Ghost is gay. Oh my god this dude so gay, just look at him. He's a mama's boy with HUGE daddy issues.

Roach is bisexual with just the littlest bit of more of woman leaning.

Griggs is bisexual but will honestly mess around with any gender. Another one who you just look at, and think "This person is gay in some type of way."

MacMillan is bisexual with a leaning for men. Him and Price were dating and still are...kinda.

Yuri is a homophobic gay man. Honestly being around Makarov made him hate men.

Makarov is aromatic but will put his dick in anything with a hole. He definitely has some kids somewhere around Russia.

Blacks Ops/Cold War:

Frank Woods is gay as fuck. Just look at him, in the military surrounded by other men? Gay. Also that scene where him and Bowman are whispering to each other? They were dating.

Alex Mason is straight. He had a wife and Frank ruined men for him. Not in a "They're ex's" way, but in a "This dude is so annoying but he's best friend" way.

Hudson is straight. This one is purely off of hate...also he has wife and their relationship is failing because Hudson is always gone.

Weaver is pansexual. I don't know it just feels right to me.

Alder is soooo straight. However, now he's questioning all that because Stitch. Even before the brainwashing, he thought "wait a minute, why is this dude hot?"

Park is a HUGE lesbian. You would be too if had to deal with the safehouse boys. She's also asexual.

Lazar is pansexual. Literally this dude only cares about personality.

Sims is gay. If you ask him though he'll say something like, "No, I hate big beefy men." Also him and Lazar are dating.

Perseus is pansexual. I mean look at how he acts around Bell, no matter what gender you pick for Bell. As long as your badass or good at your job, he'll want to date you.

Stitch is gay. He's like ghost minus the mom and dad. Also he made Alder his little boy toy.

Naga is bisexual with no preference. Honestly he's just trying to get in someone's pants, but you can try to date him.

Menendez is aromatic. He also just doesn't have time for a relationship even if he did want one. He'll sometimes fuck woman, his sex drive just isn't that high.

#Also I promise I'm writing your guys asks #I'm just taking a break #call of duty #call of duty black ops cold war #call of duty black ops #modern warfare #captain price #kyle gaz garrick #john soap mactavish #Alex #farah karim #simon ghost riley #gary roach sanderson #Griggs #MacMillan #yuri #vladimir makarov #frank woods #Alex Mason #jason hudson #Grigori Weaver #russell adler #helen park #eleazar lazar azoulay #lawrence sims #Perseus #vikhor stitch kuzmin #kapano naga vang #raul menendez

[glassesandkim]

I would like to say my piece here about schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom and it’s really for my own self-indulgence and benefit. I’m not asking for you to agree with me or even begin to understand what I’m going on about. I don’t even think half the things that I think about for this fandom exists on an important level. I fully believe in just ~vibin’~ to your own tune when it comes to participating in fandom spaces.

so this post is gonna be my way of getting stuff off my chest so i can continue to ~vibe~

First thing I’d like to address is: I know. I know the Nico Kim that I love and adore is not the Nico Kim in canon. He is who I hope he is in canon. But there’s not much to combat or support that he is or isn’t. He really could be who we’ve made up in fanon for him and at the same time, he really couldn’t. Grey’s created this character that is as blank as a dried piece of toast. So forgive me if I spread a bit of spicy jam here and there so I can swallow this bland shit down a little easier. 

So when people come to me to say, “Y’all are delulu and out of your mind to love this guy this much.” PLEASE, I know. This isn’t news, honey. I am well aware.

But I will continue to justify, romanticize, and put this boy on a pedestal for as long as his existence in canon continues to remain arbitrary and vague. And it makes me very biased to a fault but I have put too much time and energy into this character NOT to be. 

And then you might ask, why have I put so much of my time and life (THREE YEARS!!!! I’VE BEEN IN THIS FANDOM FOR THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!) into this character that has all but said maybe like a PAGE of dialogue at most? 

Because I was conned into it. Because they marketed the shit out of him when Alex Landi got the part. And I, as a casual viewer of Grey’s since I was in high school (I’m in my late 20s now, dawg) and of Asian descent was promised representation. Not just Asian rep, but queer rep. 

So naturally, I got extremely attached. It's not everyday a major Western mainstream prime time medical drama chooses to create a character as unique as Nico's. 

I spent so much time here. I was here when fandom decided Nico would call Levi “babe”. I was here when we all clowned that Nico didn’t know Levi’s first name. I was here when Josh died and the fandom went up in arms with pitchforks and stakes against Nico. I was here for all of it. I've seen it all. 

And unfortunately, seeing it all, makes me tired. Grey’s is time and time again proving to me that they don’t give a shit about the development and well-being of their existing characters at all. The show only cares about collecting diversity points and performing their wokeness to the general masses. (I talk a lot about how grey's is plot-driven vs. character-driven.) 

I will still get frustrated and annoyed at Nico’s lack of character development. But I mostly just laugh at the fandom nowadays. I know you guys want to fight the fight, tell everyone Nico is not toxic!!!!!! But bros, friends, lovers, it’s a tried and tired fight. 

Grey’s wants us to think Nico is a Bad Boyfriend. It’s as clear as the stench one comes across when they step on dog shit. That’s why I think it’s useless to fight people about Nico. Grey’s gets amnesia all the time. Grey’s forgot the whole season and half they invested in creating a loving boyfriend for Levi and up and changed Nico’s personality to fit a new narrative (that they, quite frankly, failed to even follow through because of covid and other filming hoopla hula hoops they’ve had to jump through that I’ve been informed of and which I simply don’t care for). 

So all this ~schmico is endgame!!! we deserve it!!!~ Binches, I have better things to fight for than schmico endgame. What’s the alternative? Levi lives in Jo’s closet forever? They’re going to be together in the end no matter what. Nobody on that show cares enough about Nico OR Levi to set up new relationships and stories for them. So don’t fret, my friends. They’ll be together in the end. It just comes down to the question of what stupid story they’re going to come up with for them to be together. (And might I argue that they already are together???) 

Speaking of the bogus story they’re going to write for schmico: you bet my rice eating, Chinese-speaking ass, that it’s not going to be a story written from a queer and poc perspective. It’s going to be some gag-worthy straight het story but made gay. (How many times do I have to hear, "I hope Nico comes out to his parents!!" NO, HE DOESN'T! Do you know how VIOLENT coming out is sometimes?? It's not a solution to Nico's problems with Levi. It's an introduction and invitation to problems over being queer -- but why would I expect anyone, let alone Grey's, to understand that prepetuating these types of stories is inherently damaging to queer people? They wouldn't know. The cishet fandom wouldn't know. Because no one is writing grey's in a queer, poc centric way.)

Which drives me to the next point: you know why Nico doesn’t get character development even though he showed up at the same time as Link? Because of ✨racism ✨. Because Link is a more conventional character (read: white) that is easier to write because nobody on this show knows how to write an Asian character anymore, let alone a gay Asian character. So of course, nobody wants to touch that shit even with a pogo stick. (Argue with me that Cristina exists and I will tell you, yes she did, but they RARELY touched upon her cultural and ethnic background. Also it was the early 2000s. Cristina was as ground breaking as it got for us Asians back then.)

And then because Nico isn’t developed enough, we have the weird phenomenon of people shipping everyone and their dog with Levi and it’s like, y’all know you got played by the racism game, right? You are hostages to this system that has taught you that white men are more desirable and deserving of story and humanity than a poc character who is instead, reduced to nothing but sex appeal and if he’s not doing well on that front, then he’s useless.

How many times does Levi say: Nico is so hot! Sex with Nico is so good! He’s a roman statue!

All!! the!! time!! Nico's worth to Levi’s character is to be the sex object that Sets Him Free. 

Which plays into the sexualization of Asian people which all comes from, you guessed it! Racism! (Levi really compared Nico to a fucking lifeless slab of stone.)

(Side note: I do think talking about how racism plays into Nico’s character and the fandom space is important and probably a separate post. I’m happy to write my opinion piece on it if it’s something people want.) 

But anyway, those are just some of my qualms with schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom. I do not expect anyone to fully agree with me and I’m not asking the fandom to change or apologize or whatever. I’m just already grateful if you took the time to even read this post. 

I’ll leave with some parting advice: fandom is what you make of it. We won’t all agree with everyone’s hot takes, but that’s the beauty of it, yeah? So I chose to create this version of Nico Kim that brings me IMMENSE joy. Like, A LOT!!! I love this fandom for these reasons. I’m grateful everyday for the friends I’ve made and the works and creations I’ve created and I’m honoured to be able to consume other works made by fellow fans. 

I might hate a lot of things about grey’s and schmico, but I really owe a lot of myself to this fandom. 

#know that i'm always angry but i know how to have fun lol #schmico::::

[davidsons89]

Toxic Turner - part 19

WARNINGS: this story contains signs of a toxic and manipulative relationship. also contains smut, mentions of drugs and alcohol. some scenes contain forms of abuse. read at ur own risk :)

“nick, seriously?” alex asks you as he watches nick walk away, not wanting to get involved. all the guys know how overprotective alex is of you, but they aren’t aware of how possessive and violent he can be. “you’d seriously believe her when she’s had a drink?” you snicker at his foolishness, indicating that your aunt talks too much when there’s alcohol involved.

“i’d believe anyone over you when it’s about a man” he frowns, walking over to you. “you’re acting like i’d cheat on you” you roll your eyes, he’s beginning to annoy you. “like i’ve said plenty of times before, nobody would want a used slut like you” he raises his voice at you, not loud enough to hear over the music playing. “oh fuck you” you exclaim, his audacity is frustrating you. you frown your eyebrows at him as you sit peacefully on the kitchen counter, trying to go through all your gifts separately but he’s rudely interrupting you.

“why was he in here anyway?” he asks, motioning his thumb to the next room to talk about nick. “he grabbed a beer, and gave me money in the birthday card, so i hugged him and said thank you. what was i supposed to do? be ungrateful?” you scoff moodily, he’s overreacting for no reason. “you’re an ungrateful little bitch anyway, so yeah, you could’ve” he laughs at you, making you feel stupid. he really doesn’t like you touching other men, even in the friendliest way possible. “oh shut up, alex” you raise your voice but not loud enough to be yelling exactly.

“or what?” he raises his eyebrows, expecting you to do something. “it’s my birthday, can’t you be nice to me for one day?” you sigh, placing your gifts aside to jump down from the counter. “no, not when you’re acting like a fucking whore” he says, watching you walk away but he grabs your arm to pull you back. “go take that dress off” he says, looking down on your outfit. “why?” you ask with confusion. “because you look like a slut, and you can’t control yourself around men so go take it off” he says, roughly shoving you to the door so you can get changed. but, you smirk to yourself. he didn’t exactly say to get changed though, he just told you to ‘take it off’ so you did as he said...

you snickered and walked away from the kitchen where you started to undo your dress and pull it down, revealing your bra. you didn’t fully pull the dress down, just the upper half. your family and friends cheer you on and laugh with you as you took a swig of your opened alcohol bottle from earlier. “oh my god, i didn’t mean literally take your dress off” alex says with frustration as he walks over to you and yanks the fallen part of your dress, causing it to rip slightly. you gasp and laugh, “oh well. now it has to come off completely” you say, pulling the dress down even more to your hips, about to pull it down further but alex grabs you and pulls you aside.

“y/n, stop being fucking stupid. you’re showing off” he yells at you, pointing his finger in your face which made you flinch, which a lot of people also noticed. “alex i’m just having fun, it’s my birthday, leave me alone” you say with confidence, pointing your index finger to his chest to lightly nudge him away with it. you take another swig of your alcohol and continue dancing with your relatives who are only allowing your behavior because it’s your birthday, and it’s your special day where you can have as much fun as you want. he leaves you be, building up his anger each time you do something little to annoy him.

some time went by, you started to get more than tipsy which alex found stressful, he knew he’d have to take care of you as you’re hard to control when you’ve had a drink. he’s currently sat with his friends around a rounded table in the back yard, while you are stripped to your underwear with your sister and her friends, swimming in the pool and getting wasted. “there’s so many guys here, aren’t you a bit.. you know.. concerned?” matt asks alex, looking around seeing all the men in and outside the house.

“nope. she can do what she wants” alex sighs, finding it hard to believe those words just came out of his own mouth. he’s trying his hardest not to be mad at you, but it is your day to have fun. he takes a swig from his beer bottle and moves on. “even if a guy tries to hit on her?” jamie asks, snickering slightly. alex shakes his head and takes another gulp, not catching on to what jamie meant. “not even that guy?” nick asks as all four of them lock their eyes onto a guy, who is blatantly flirting with you and the other ladies in the pool.

alex sees you specifically invite the random guy into the pool with you, so he gets mad. “that’s it” he says, sighing through his nose with anger as he stands up and storms away from the guys and over to you. “y/n, get out” he demands. “no, go away” you giggle as you swim around with the other girls and now guy. “y/n, get out of the pool” alex calmly says, trying to get you to listen to him as if you’re a child. “i’m having fun alex, fuck off” you raise your voice at him confidently before splashing him at the end and giggling with everyone else in the pool.

he sighs out loud and gulps, trying to swallow the anger building up in him. “please get out of the pool, now” he says calmly one last time, giving you one more chance to listen to him before his anger takes over. “go fuck yourself” you giggle, putting the lower half of your face underwater to get a mouth full of water, then bringing your face up to his to spit it onto him. “oh my fucking god, that’s it” he mumbles the first part, sighing with frustration while grabbing you and pulling you out of the pool himself. “ow” you exclaim as he roughly grabs your body with all his force, not caring that he’s hurting you.

he threw you over his shoulder and began to walk inside, leaving the guys alone on the table together. “hey guys, come join us” your sister and her friends say as they’re still casually swimming around in the pool, the guys shrug and accept their offer, placing their drinks on the table and stripping off to their underwear to join them and have their fun too.

“alex, put me down. you’re kidnapping me” you try to get down but his grip on you is too strong. “shut the fuck up” he snaps, carrying you upstairs to your bedroom. he kicks the door open with his foot and closes it with the same foot after he walks in. he puts you down so you’re stood right in front of him. “wha-” you begin to speak but he cuts you off almost right away. “get some fucking clothes on now” he yells in your face, causing you to flinch at his words.

“what am i supposed to wear?” you ask innocently, stumbling as you fail to stand still, the alcohol getting to your head a bit now. “something that doesn’t make you look like a fucking whore now get something on” he raises his voice at you again, motioning his head to the closet for you to get changed. you walk over to the closet and open it’s doors, grabbing a pair of shorts and a tank top. “is this good enough?” you turn around and ask him, showing the clothes in your hands. “i’ll decide when they’re on” he sighs impatiently. you quickly put them on and walk out of the closet to show him.

“i can see your boobs” he sighs, looking at you as if you’re stupid. “well it’s not my fault i have boobs” you say with attitude, frowning your eyebrows at him. he quickly grips your face and pulls it up to look at him, with his other hand grabbing the back of your head. “don’t give me attitude, get something sensible on. hurry up” he says through gritted teeth, raising his voice at the end as he roughly drops your face. you roll your eyes and walk back into the closet again, picking out a plain oversized t-shirt and quickly putting it over your head.

“is this good enough for you now?” you ask, walking out of the closet one last time to show him your clothes. “yes” he sighs as you begin to walk towards the door to go back downstairs, but he doesn’t quite let you. “no, no” he says, putting his arm around your stomach and pulling you back so you can’t leave. “what?” you snap at him, giving him attitude once again. “i said don’t give me fucking attitude, didn’t i?” he raises his voice at you, pushing you backwards which made your back hit the wall. he stands in front of you and towers over you, inches away from your face to intimidate you.

“ok i’m sorry” you roll your eyes, trying to walk away again but he grabs your face and forces you back, pinning you against the same wall roughly. “say it like you mean it” he says, gripping your face tighter which began to hurt your cheeks, leaving red marks against them. “i’m sorry” you say more innocently, furrowing your eyebrows to show the pain he’s giving you, but he doesn’t care at all.

“good. now why the fuck were you flirting with that guy by the pool, huh?” he asks, pulling your face every few seconds because you kept looking away. “flirting? i wasn’t flirting” you frown. “inviting him into a pool full of half naked girls is flirting, especially when you have a boyfriend” he yells, making you upset. “i didn’t mean it like that” you furrow your eyebrows like you were about to cry. “you’ve been acting like it for hours, stripping off to your underwear in front of men” he reminds you while yelling at you. “that wasn’t the intention, idiot” you try to stand up for yourself, but that only resulted in him harshly slapping your face, causing your head to turn in the other direction.

“don’t speak to me like that, don’t ever fucking speak to me like that” he demands, actually starting to scare you with how angry he is. “you’re not to touch another man, speak to another man or even fucking look at one, understand?” he grips your face again, causing the sting on your cheek to worsen. you flinch and nod quickly as a tear falls from your eye. you’ve never felt this nervous around him until now.

“yeah, cry. nobody gives a fuck. now get the fuck out” he yells at you, grabbing the tops of your arms to shove you towards the direction of the door. he roughly lets go of you, giving you chance to exit the room. you sniffle and rush to the door, crying as you open it and slam it shut after you. alex stays in there to calm down for a few before facing anyone again, otherwise he’ll take his anger out on someone he doesn’t mean to, or want to...

you storm downstairs crying with slight red marks on your face, especially on your cheek from where he hit you. “y/n, what’s wrong?” your cousin asks, he’s been looking for you for a while to see if you wanted to smoke a blunt with him, but you crying is more important. he shoves the blunt in your pocket and quickly attends to you, pulling you aside but it made you flinch, which immediately made you embarrassed. you began rushing away but he grabs you and pulls you back. “what’s wrong?” he raises his voice over the music, not to yell at you but to get you to answer him.

“just.. alex” you say, hearing footsteps come down the stairs so you quickly escape your cousins grip and run away so alex wouldn’t spot you, but your cousin spotted him. “hey alex” he says, rushing over to him as he reached the bottom of the stairs. “why is y/n crying?” he says, getting close to alex to warn him, but he isn’t fazed. “i dunno. she’s the one crying, so maybe ask her?” alex shrugs sarcastically as he walks past your cousin, but he stands in front of him so he can’t walk away. “i did, and she said you” your cousin raises his eyebrows with suspicion. “did she? good for her” alex snickers, walking away again which made your cousin give up asking.

alex isn’t afraid of your cousin, he isn’t afraid of anyone. he’s a smart man, he won’t give up on that. your cousin watches alex walk outside where you went, but he squints his eyes suspiciously and moves on, keeping a close eye on him throughout the rest of the night.

“y/n, why did you tell your cousin i made you cry?” alex asks, storming over to you sat on the rounded table in the backyard, watching the others in the pool. before he got close to you, you quickly jumped down from the table and ran inside, wanting to avoid being him at all costs. “whatever then” alex shrugs and leaves you be.

some more time passes by, you try to cure your sadness by drinking and dancing with your family, but it kinda makes you feel worse even though you’re taking your mind off it. alex has basically brainwashed you into thinking nobody cares about you, everyone hates you and they’re only here for the party, which is probably correct but you can’t help but feel hated for everything you do.

“let’s play a game” your sister suggests. “what game?” you giggle. “never have i ever” one of your sisters friends butts in, clinging her arm around you both. “what are we, 12?” you snicker. “i’d love to be 12 again... come on” your sister says, dragging you to the middle of the room to sit in a circle on the floor. your sisters friends dragged many other people into the living room to join in, including alex and his friends. you hadn’t spoken to alex for a few hours, so you avoid making eye contact with him as he walks in and all four of them sit down on one of the sofas to observe the game, but also join in if wanted.

“right, i’ll start” your sisters friend exclaims as she thinks of a question, but they won’t be childish questions. your mom and other immediate family members are also in the room, including your cousin... “never have i ever had sex in my parents bed” the friend says, giggling as others in the room laugh. your sister is one of many to put their fingers down, which makes your mom gasp and laughter comes from everybody in the room.

“ok, never have i ever had a threesome” your sister shrugs, watching a few people put their fingers down. “this is making me feel innocent” you giggle, looking at your hands with all your fingers remaining up. “hey, hey, never have i ever had an std” your aunt joins in, making everyone laugh. these questions are making you feel a bit boring, everyone’s putting their fingers down but you feel left out.

“ok, i have one” your cousin interrupts, looking at you which made you nervous. “never have i ever abused my girlfriend” he says, widening his eyes to look around the room as people fell silent, the only noise heard is the loud music echoing through the entire house. your heart dropped at his words, knowing every single person in the room will suspect someone now. “huh? nobody?” your cousin chuckles sarcastically, looking around some more until he locks his eyes onto alex sitting on the couch beside his friends.

“i think someone’s lying... don’t you think, alex?” your cousin asks, raising his eyebrows as he stared alex down, bringing all the attention onto him. you froze on the spot as you furrow your eyebrows with fear, looking at alex as he pierces his eyes onto you. this is the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to you on your own birthday. “what?” your mom breaks the silence with confusion. you look around the room and see your relatives looking at you, so you immediately feel embarrassed. you stand up and run out of the room, leaving alex to face the situation alone. your cousin snickered to himself, glad he’s caught alex out, but that won’t exactly end as well for you...

#toxic turner

[planetsam]

Hmm I’d be interested in your take on how they process all this mess and work it out. I’d love some Gregory manes wingman assistance to help them get back together

“My brakes are acting funny.”

Micheal bites back his grumpy sigh. He can blame it on sleep depravation. Greg saved his life, the least he can do is make sure his breaks are working properly. Even though the truth is he’d rather have an entire break from the Manes clan. Life saving brothers included.

“Sure I can take a look,” he says.

“I appreciate it,” Greg says.

Michael nods and gets his stuff together. Greg stands there, doing the thing Alex does where he’s perfectly still and completely unrelaxed. Alex does it. Now Michael knows for sure where he got it from. Michael sighs and drops his tools and turns.

“You can just tell me I was a dick,” Michael says, “leaving during Alex’s song? It was a dick move.”

Something like respect shines in Greg’s eyes and it surprises him how much he likes seeing it there.

“I was actually coming to see if you were alright,” Greg says, “I know what it feels like to walk away from Alex.”

“Yeah, it’s not the first time I’ve done that,” Michael mutters.

Greg nods. Again it’s really like seeing an older version of Alex. Michael always wondered how Alex managed to appear like a warped version of his father, especially when he was in his military uniform. Looking at Greg, he doesn’t have to. It’s not a warped version of Jesse, it’s the older Manes Alex has been emulating all these years.

“Is it the last?” Greg asks. Michael swallows and wishes that he had an answer. Greg doesn’t look disappointed, but Michael almost wishes he would. A faint smile that is not very comforting comes to Greg’s lips, “if it was, I’d tell you that the ‘dick move’ wasn’t just leaving during the song.”

“I’m not good for him,” Michael says, “not right now.”

“Who decided that?” Greg asks. Michael fumbles with whether or not the question is rhetorical, “I’m guessing it wasn’t Alex. All things considered.”

“Alex doesn’t always know what’s good for him.”

Even Greg can’t fully deny that one and the smile he gives is bitter but genuine, something Michael can’t help but reciprocate. Anyone whose loved Alex understands that. It’s part of loving him, even though it never gets any easier. Loving Alex usually means trying to keep him safe and happy—take the occasional breather, maybe eat every once in a while. But trusting that Alex knows what’s good for him is a whole other thing.

“So what would make you good for him?” Greg asks.

“Huh?” Michael looks at him, waiting for a sign he’s joking but Greg’s smile is gone and he’s really fucking serious.

“I asked what would make you good for him,” he says, “if you know you’re not, do you know how you would be? And what you would do to be there?”

Michael opens his mouth and then closes it. Saying he should be successful and stable, with a job and a college degree all seems insufficient. Saying he wants to have a house so Alex can come home and a name so Alex doesn’t have to grimace when he signs his seems so far off he guesses they’ll be old and grey by the time he accomplishes any of it. He opens and closes his mouth again and then has to shake his head. Greg gives away nothing as he nods. Michael has every reason to trust him but some part of him is still perversely glad that he doesn’t have a tool in his hand when he does.

“We both know my brother doesn’t love lightly,” Greg says, “none of us are wired that way. Now I don’t know what your plan is. I think you want to be with my brother and I think you’re willing to work to get there—“

“I am,” Michael cuts in. Greg gives him a look that has him locking his lips.

“But you’ve set Alex up to have his heart broken. Again.”

Michael winces.

That’s the thing, saying if Alex dates someone else they can be even—that’s bullshit. And they both know it too. Alex doesn’t date in half measures. Hell he and Michael haven’t dated properly and he hasn’t done half measures there either. He loves Alex and he knows Alex feels the same way. He also knows there have been times when the passion between them has been so toxic he’s stunned any of the love has made it through. Michael isn’t much better at the half measures thing. Which makes the realization all the worse.

“Shit,” he swears loudly, barely resisting the urge to throw the nearest tool. Greg looks relieved he caught on and less than thrilled at him swearing. Michael doesn’t care, “we needed a clean break,” Michael explains.

“Did you talk about that?” Greg asks. Michael looks away. Greg shakes his head, “it’s a little ironic how you know all our dark family secrets and can’t talk about your relationship.”

“It’s hysterical,” Michael snaps back, “shit,” he repeats, “I didn’t want to do this again,” he looks at Greg, “you gotta know I didn’t want to hurt him again.”

Greg gives him a hard look that is two thousand percent protective older brother. If Michael wasn’t so in love with Alex, he’s pretty sure he’d cave to it. The real irony is that of the Manes men who have threatened him to stay away from Alex, Greg is far more terrifying. Jesse may have done monstrous things but everyone still came out of it alive. Greg killed him to keep Alex safe. Michael’s seen it with his own eyes. Thankfully Greg is only looking mildly annoyed and frustrated, not murderous. Still Michael doesn’t relax.

“I know,” Greg says.

“Seriously I—“ he stops, “you do?”

“Yes,” Greg says, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” he sighs, “Alex has a date with Forrest tonight.”

Michael swallows the panic in his throat. Alex has a date. That’s a good thing, or it was before his big brother came and dropped some serious truth bombs on him. Now it’s not. If Alex is going on a date then he’s got feelings. Or the start of feelings. He refuses to fully name the feeling jealousy. It’s definitely mixed with his own worry about everything that Greg has just told him.

“I don’t want to ruin it,” Michael says.

“I don’t want you to ruin it either,” Greg agrees, “I also don’t want you to put my brother through another heartbreak,” he glances at his watch, “it’s 2pm. If you’re going to say something the sooner the better. His date’s picking him up at 8.”

Michael nods.

“Let me look at your car—“ he begins. Greg rolls his eyes, “your car’s fine,” Michael realizes, “got it,” he says, “I’m gonna—“ he motions towards his truck.

He manages to not get any speeding tickets as he gets to Alex’s house. Michael has no doubt that’s where he is. He hopes that Alex isn’t in the shower but that’s a bridge he knows he’s going to have to cross when he gets to it. He rings the doorbell quickly and when the door doesn’t open instantaneously, he finds himself pacing. He’s never been the best when it comes to talking about his feelings, especially where Alex is concerned. And Alex is embracing the fact that he’s some kind of wordsmith genius. Michael has no idea how much he’s about to be dressed down, but again that is a problem that belongs squarely in the later bucket.

“Guerin?”

Michael turns. Alex looks confused to see him standing there. Michael doesn’t know why he suddenly whips his hat off his head, maybe he needs something to hold. Or kill himself with if this blows up in his face. Concern is written all over Alex’s features. Michael gives himself one last moment to cling to the dream that he’ll be a good and whole man when he tells Alex his feelings. That he’ll tell him he fought his way back and beyond. Not just for Alex but because Alex has always made him believe in the good of people. The good of himself. He’s got nothing to back those words up with. It’s a hard fucking dream to let go of.

“I know you have a date,” Michael says. Alex clenches his jaw, “and I, uh, I was trying to get better. Swear to god I was,” he fumbles, “and I was gonna come back when I was,” he adds, “when I had proved I was,” he grips his hat tighter, “but I don’t want you to get your heart broken or have to break someone’s heart—“ he braces himself for Alex to laugh but he doesn’t.

“He’s nice,” Alex says, “I like being around him,” Michael nods, “there could be something there. We could be happy together,” he glares at him, “maybe you’re not the only one who wants to be good for someone, Guerin.”

“I deserved that,” Michael mutters.Alex’s glare turns venomous, “you are good for someone—you’re good for everyone,” Michael argues. 
“I don’t need a pep talk from you,” Alex says.

Fuck, Michael’s forgotten how hot quiet, confident and angry Alex is. Now is not the time to give into how attractive he is. Michael really thought he would be better at this. Even just the whole not focusing on how hot Alex is thing. But he’s failing pretty spectacularly at that as well.

“He’s nice,” Michael says, “and maybe you two are gonna be good together. But you don’t love him.” 
“I don’t know him that well,” Alex argues, “I could.”

“Yeah,” Michael agrees, though the possibility hurts, “you could,” he looks at him, “but it’s not going to be the same.”

Alex looks away. Michael reminds himself that the conversation was going to come back to this. It had to come back to this. Because Michael’s been at the crossroads where Alex is. But Michael’s a coward, he always has been. Especially when it comes to Alex.

“I wanted you to have a chance to be with someone else,” Michael says.

“Why?” Alex questions.

“You deserved it,” Michael says, “I know you don’t need me to tell you that,” he adds quickly.

“You think I deserve it because you dated Maria?” Michael nods. Alex sighs, “I can’t help you make us even for your decisions,” he says, “and I can’t do this,” he adds, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“I know,” Michael says as Alex turns, “look, I know. You’re not me, I know being even like that isn’t the same thing to you, it’s not to me either,” he tells him, “not when it comes to you.” Alex rests his hand on the doorframe but he’s not slamming the door in Michael’s face, “I thought about you dating him,” Michael continues, “and I thought about you breaking someone’s heart and—“ he swallows, “I don’t want that. I thought if I got better first it would be the right thing to do. But I don’t want to get better first if it’s gonna me you’re hurt in the process.”

Alex stays frozen and Michael is both glad and furious that he can’t see his face. He wants to know what Alex is thinking and he also wants to never see him again so he doesn’t have to feel rejected. He knows Alex could tell him to fuck off and if he does, Michael knows he’s going to have to figure out what to do next. If there is a next. He presses his lips together as Alex just stays there. It’s better than him walking away but it’s not exactly how Michael saw this going.

“Are you trying to say that you’re ready to be with me?” Alex asks finally.

“I’m saying I want us to both make that call,” Michael says, “I want us to meet in the middle.”

Alex whips around as Michael tries not to choke on his own pounding heart. He hadn’t meant to throw the lyrics out there. Alex’s cheeks go pink and Michael feels his own face turn red. Alex holds his gaze for a moment before he seems to come to some kind of decision.

“I’m not cancelling my date,” he says, “it’s in a few hours. That’s not fair to Forrest,” Michael nods around his breaking heart, “I’ll call you afterwards.”

“You don’t have to,” Michael mumbles.

“I’m not going to date him,” Alex says, suddenly a lot closer, “but I’m not going to stand him up or cancel with hours to spare after he asked me out and I said yes.”

Michael feels like he has whiplash.

“You’re not going to date him?” He repeats.

“I’m not going to promise anything,” Alex says, “we’ve talked about doing this before. It’s too soon to say if this is going to be different,” Michael nods, “but I’d like it to be.”

‘Me too.”

Alex holds his gaze and nods.

“Then I’ll call you later,” he says.

To his credit, Michael makes it until 8:30 before he parks himself outside of Alex’s house. He knows Alex doesn’t believe that they have to be even, but he doesn’t agree. Not on everything. Not on this. So he sits there. It’s hours before Alex’s car pulls up and when Michael sees that he’s alone, his heart jumps. Or maybe that’s also because Alex looks really good as he gets out of his car. When he walks up and sees Michael there he stops and shakes his head, though the smile on his lips is what catches Michael’s eyes.

“I was wondering why you weren’t home,” Alex says.

Michael swallows as he stands up. Alex went to his trailer. That’s the thing that turns over in his head as they close the distance.

“I was trying to surprise you,” he admits.

“I thought we could talk,” Alex says. Michael nods, “really talk. We need to talk about a lot.”

“Yeah,” Michael agrees.

“Should we—“ Alex’s lips press together and then part as he nods towards the door.

“Yeah, we should.”

Neither of them move.

“Guerin,” Alex starts.

“Yeah, uh—“

“What?”

Michael knows they’re supposed to be working on their communication and he doesn’t even get to say he’s human as an excuse. Which is good because excuses aren’t really something he’s interested in as he closes the distance between them. Alex inhales sharply as their lips touch, but after a moment he sighs into the kiss, his lips parting as Michael remembers what home feels like. It’s not a long kiss, he doesn’t expect it to lead anywhere, but they still wind up standing with their foreheads pressed together and the world fading away.

“Did I completely misread that?” Michael rasps and Alex shakes his head.

“No,” he says.

“Oh thank god,” Michael breathes. Alex gives him an amused but slightly dazed smile and Michael feels something unravel in his chest, “we should talk,” he finishes.

Alex nods and takes his hand and together they go inside.

#alex manes #michael guerin #malex #malex fic #roswell new mexico #micheal x alex #roswell nm #roswell nm fanfic #greg manes

[direwolf-summer]

Some thoughts on Lenù and Remus

Just finished Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan series and was thinking about how easily certain kind of people can get into toxic relationships. It’s almost like they are made for them. Those who except for a very limited number of very intense friendships generally keep to themselves, who are used to hiding their real reactions and emotions and sometimes violence behind a docile & meek façade, who are good at repressing their own feelings and manipulate that of others (to deflect a difficult situation or to make the others like them). Who, most of all, don’t let themselves get attached easily but once they do, they hang on for their dear life. Sounds familiar?

No, I’m not talking about Remus Lupin, at least not for now. I’m talking about Lenù. But really it’s not hard at all to spot the parallel between Lenù/Lila and r/s if you really tried. (And I shamelessly did) I have no doubt that in modern times Remus would be an excellent writer just like Lenù, because he already has that one trait which makes a terrifyingly good writer at his disposal: he lies. He craves truths but he lies. He is a compulsive liar and that can be a very erotic thing (erotic in the sense of Susan Sontag’s quote, “I think friendship is very erotic, but it isn’t necessarily sexual.”) — because he can make anything happen, in his mind, and what could be sexier than that?

I have long held the belief that all intimate relationships are fictional. The people we thought we know best are nothing but a phantom version of themselves that we choose to believe, that we want to see. To quote Kate in Été 85 (thanks, François Ozon): “La vérité, Alex, c’est que t’as aimé un visage et un corps, et que t’as mis dedans la personne que tu voulais.” (Translation: The truth, Alex, is that you love a face and a body, and then you put the person you love inside.) We craft this person, this relationship, carefully, tirelessly, with them, together. It exists only because both parties believe in it, and the moment one party withdraws, the magic breaks.

(And that is fine, that is a beautiful thing. Because as long as the person is alive and breathing, they can never fail to surprise you.)

But for someone like Remus/Lenù, things can go terribly wrong. Because they are so good at lying even (or especially, as I would argue) to themselves, they can justify almost anything that’s been imposed on them, making them a perfect victim for gaslighting. When Nino confessed to Lenù that back in high school he threw away her article instead of publishing it out of jealousy, Lenù’s gut reaction was astonishment. But she quickly calmed down. She thought, he told me this ugly truth, at the pain of baring his basest self, doesn’t that mean he trusts me endlessly? She immediately forgave him and became more affectionate.

Now we don’t see Remus being deliberately mistreated by any romantic partner(s) in canon, but we do see how easily he’d let people he loves & trusts walk over him, most notably in The Prank (Sirius, apologize this moment!), so it is not unimaginable to stretch it further. My favourite author (and dear Tumblr friend! 🥰) @theprongsletthatlived once wrote something where Remus is an older divorcee. In that headcanon Remus got married young (like nineteen) and is used to avoiding handsome, charming men because of his ex-husband Greyback’s jealous streak. I was honestly struck by how accurate this characterization is (or, let’s say, how close to my very own, very biased interpretation of Remus), because isn’t it typical of Remus to jump head first into a toxic relationship if he didn’t meet Sirius? Or in his lost years? I’m not saying r/s is the epitome of healthy relationship – they definitely have that toxic potential and to some extent they arguably are – but just the certainty with which you know Sirius would be the first to drag Remus out of any toxic relationship with his bare hands, no matter his relationship status with Remus, man, that’s enough reason for me to stay in this ship forever.

#my post #let me play Fall Out Boy's Phoenix for our Padfoot #put on my war paint #I'm gonna change you like a remix #Then I'll raise you like a phoenix #VV also has a very interesting theory on characterization in different settings that you should check out! #what works for a character and what not should not be strictly dictated by canon #but rather on what moves your story forward

[thatfunkyopossum]

whys it a worthless video essay? genuinely curious on your thoughts :0

The racism mostly!

Disclaimer: i’m white, and not meaning to speak for any person of color! My opinions on this are formed based on what i noticed in combination with what i know about racism, and I believe that in this case i’m right about what i’ve observed. That said, my observations are open to criticism from any black people who might be reading this and feel like weighing in, as my only personal experiences in bigotry are with my identity as a queer person. In short: i’m not an expert, but i do have eyes and what they see is repulsive. Anyway this will be rambly.

First and foremost, The Tragedy of Droids by @popculturedetective’s editing directly connects the Droids in Star Wars with the atrocities of chattel slavery in the americas, and the perceived connection is at times hinted at in the script.

@4:10 into the video “...they’re also bought and sold like cattle” is a quote i caught when trying to find the following time stamps, because the editing is the real beast here.

There’s also @ 4:35 “you can probably guess where i’m going with this, because the social arrangement i’ve just described is one of property and owner. And a property relationship between two intelligent beings that gives one absolute power over the other is called slavery.”

In this video essay, there are multiple times when the visuals cut between Roots and the droids of Star Wars. This is important because Roots is a mini series based off the family history of the black man who wrote the book, Alex Haley, and the scenes being directly juxtaposed with Star Wars droids are the scenes from it where black people are on slave ships or being sold at auction. TToD essay, which was at the very least presented by a white man, wants the viewer to connect robots and black people for the sake of the essay’s argument. TToD essay wants the connection between real black human beings who actually lived and suffered and died in the real damn world to, i cannot stress this enough, machines.

To anyone who is reading this and not seeing why thats fucked up, because they view the droids as people, here’s the problem. Droids aren’t people. No matter how you slice it, no matter how much you love them, theres actually no way for us to be sure that 99% of droids are sentient beings, that are self aware, and that feel things. Droids in the Star Wars universe are constructed to be tools that talk to you and have fun personalities. Some droids might be self aware and sentient, but the likelihood is that the vast majority aren’t due to being what they are. Tools. This is in stark contrast to black people, because black people are, uh, people!!

At 4:00 into the video essay, we start to see the cuts between Roots and Star Wars. Pop Culture Detective cuts between C-3PO/R2-D2 being sold to Luke’s family and a black woman being put in front of a crowd of white people to be auctioned off. This same sequence of cuts is used again later in the video essay.

At 28:20 into the video, a clip from Star Trek: The Next Generation is used wherein Guinan (played by Whoopi Goldberg, a black woman) is talking about slaves and slavery, how there have been disposable people in history. This clip on its own is so, so good. It aired in 1989, and I have no idea what the political climate was like for black people then (im not as well versed in history as i would like) but i can guess it probably wasn’t good!

“...They do the dirty work. They do the work that no one else wants to do because its too difficult or too hazardous. You don’t have to think about their welfare. You don’t think about how they feel. Whole generations of disposable people.”

And then Pop Culture Detective uses this (to me) powerful line about atrocities done to human beings... and cuts to R2-D2 serving drinks to Jabba’s crew. PCD says some bullshit about how star wars is using the droids as an allegory for slavery but has nothing to say with the metaphor, and then it cuts back to Guinan to finish her speech. Might i say: what the fuck. What the fuck.

I can’t find it right now, but i distinctly remember there is also a bit where the visuals cut straight from a black man’s face to the face of an astromech.

And the cherry on top is that the clones are in this video... and never mentioned. Okay actually i’m going to talk about this video’s treatment of the clones and how utterly fucked up it is because i was so caught up in the “this essay wants you to think of the horrors of chattel slavery done to black people as being even remotely comparable to the existence of R2-D2” that i forgot to talk about the clones.

Okay so this video does not mention the clones at all. It uses clips from the clone wars and clips from the prequels movies with clones in them, but the clones aren’t even so much as talked about in passing. The closest we get is this brushing off of the issue in general @29:50:

“Remember, this is a universe where humanoid slavery exists as well, but its presented as unambiguously negative, though not exactly something the heroes are in a rush to abolish.”

Which is said about Anakin and his mother. And its not like they forgot about the clone wars and to talk about it at all! No, they had this to say on it @15:10. See if you notice anything.

“...But what about Battle droids?... Well, the separatist droid army in the prequels seems specifically designed as little more than canon fodder. Making the bad guys unfeeling robots avoids the messy moral complications and mass casualties that would result from an interstellar war. If battle droids aren’t alive then the audience doesn’t have to care when thousands of them are killed in extended battlefield scenes. Indeed we’re encouraged to think of these types of droids as mere objects and to cheer at their dismemberment.”

Drink it in y’all, i’m still absorbing it. I’ll note that sections of this were played over clips from the first battle of geonosis, and there were clones on screen. So, PCD completely sidesteps the issue of the clones, seemingly unaware of the actual explicit enslavement of brown men who are unquestionably living thinking feeling people, in favor of projecting humanity onto every single droid including the infamously poorly programed B1 Battle droids.

I don’t know what else I can say on that besides the fact that some obscure ass clips from the clone wars are used to humanize the robots, implying that PCD watched tcw and missed the episode where Slick calls the Jedi slavers.

There’s other problems with it as a whole, like the essayist completely failing to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that all droids are sentient, or that even most droids are. No consideration is given to the purpose, construction, or make/model of droid into the question of “are they sentient”? And we’re left with the implication that your average mouse droid is at all relatable to a black person.

In fact, PCD in this essay seems to actually imply that r2-d2 and bb8 being sentient-ish robots we’re supposed to empathize with, and the battle droids being not that, is due to a failure/breakdown of internal logic. And not that they’re, you know, different machines...?

I have so much to say on this mess, but this is long enough as it is. In conclusion, Pop Culture Detective’s video essay should have been about the clones, but it chose to focus on droids instead and in doing so dehumanized black people in an attempt to humanize robots.

I’ll leave you with this quote from the video, but edited slightly to be instead about the clones.

“[Slick]’s observations about [clone] slavery could have been an opportunity for Star Wars to finally grapple with the uncomfortable fact that...the good guys seem to have been keeping sentient beings in a state of perpetual servitude.”

#long post #racism #slavery #star wars

[stayextrafrosty]

I’m Dying for A Taste of You: Chapter 3

Chapter Title: You Can Use All of Me

Summary: Kyle spilled about the attack; Michael and Alex deal with the consequences while still figuring out their own relationship

A/N: More plot in this one but plenty of needy sex. Though it was time for a switch :) A bit angsty at the end but it matters

Kinks explored: Knife and blood play, exhibitionism mentioned, chastity devices mentioned DISCLAIMER: If you're interested in knife play please make sure to discuss safe words and hard limits with your partner ahead of time. This portrayal of knife play is very risky. DO YOUR RESEARCH

Read on AO3 // Masterlist

-

A week passed with no word from Alex’s office. Only a text from his boss saying that he should take some time off. Of course this had his mind working on overdrive from anxiety. What were they planning? Had Kyle actually talked about what happened?

Michael had done the best he could with distracting him, but the worry was always front and center. But they hung out almost like a normal couple. Watching Netflix and going out to eat seemed to be personal favorites for Michael.

Their first public appearance together (he hesitated to call it a date), Michael had taken him out for breakfast. His confusion had made Michael laugh.

“I can eat normal food. I just don’t need to,” he had explained.

“Then why did you want to go out to eat?”

“Because I want to make sure you’re taken care of.” He had blushed and could hardly look him in the eye after that. This casual flirting was taking a toll on his ability to think rationally.

But that was a week ago and now he had been trying to fight his instincts to cling to Michael like a lost puppy. Michael had stayed away from him for one day and he had almost gone crazy. He had paced around the house, nothing holding his attention for more than a few minutes.

Michael seemed to keep him at an arm’s length since that day apart. He was sometimes able to pull a chaste kiss from him but that was it. He never caught him looking Alex up and down anymore. There was an occasional innuendo. Nothing like the first two days.

Alex was driving now. This waiting around for something to happen was going to drive him insane. He had to talk to his boss. Figure out what the plan was. He pulled into the buildings parking lot and looked up at the tinted windows. There was no other way for this to go than bad.

He had told Michael that he was going to the gym. If he knew he was lying, he didn’t let on. Just smiled and said that he’d would come with if the sun wasn’t “so damn bright.” Alex could tell that he loved being outside. He felt sorry that he was so sensitive to the sun.

Pushing the doors open, he looked around. No one seemed to notice him at first as they were all focused on their own tasks. It seemed different. People kept their heads down and spoke quickly, as though they were racing against the clock. Alex shuffled through the crowd of people.

“Hey, isn’t that Manes?”

“So it’s true. He’s been marked.”

The whispers were hardly disguised. He had always hated workplace gossip. Doubly so now that he was the subject. He could still do his job. He just needed to protect Michael from his colleagues first.

He picked up various words as more of the people noticed him. Disgusting. Traitor. Useless.

He tuned out the nasty words and kept his head high. Why should he be ashamed of the mark? The world knew vampires existed. Why should they be stereotyped? It was no better than doing it to any other human.

His fists were clenched as he stepped into the elevator. He pressed the button for the third floor as calmly as possible. His mark throbbed lightly and he shook his head, trying to calm the rage that he felt for Michael’s sake.

The doors slid open and every pair of eyes was on him. He beelined for his boss’s office. He didn’t quite make it to the door before someone was grabbing his arm. He turned and saw Kyle, a smaller bandage covering the bite on his neck.

“What are you doing here Manes?”

“I work here. I want to know what’s going on.”

“That’s classified,” he said coldly. Alex let out a disbelieving laugh.

“I outrank you Kyle. What the hell is everyone so wound up about?”

“Manes. I told you to take some time off.” He turned to face his boss. The cold glare sat on his face as well. Daniel Rocci was known to be hell to work for but Alex and him had always gotten along fine. Alex knew it was because he never failed a mission. Until now.

“Are you firing me, because I’d rather get that information now. Or are you avoiding it so I can’t file a wrongful termination complaint?” His jaw twitched.

Hit the nail on the head.

“You’re compromised. You can’t do your job if you have sympathy for them.” Alex clenched his fists in anger. What did any of them know about it?

“We’re supposed to be police. We’re only hunting the ones that break laws. I have reason to believe that the target didn’t break any.” His heart hurt to refer to Michael as a ‘target’ but it was the only way he would get them to listen.

“With what evidence?”

He opened his mouth to speak again and froze. What did he have? His word? A charming personality and a flirt did not an innocent person make. He just knew Michael didn’t do it. He knew it before he was marked. His instinct had never been wrong before.

“Please. Give me time and I’ll prove it. You’ve trusted my instincts before. Why is it different now?” He looked between Kyle and Daniel.

“He attacked me, Alex. And you let him. I can’t trust you after that.”

“You shot him! With no evidence!” Alex snapped. He watched both men jump with wide eyes. He had never dared to raise his voice against his partner or superior. But this was just ridiculous.

“You have one week. If another body shows up dead. I will not hesitate to get rid of the target myself.” His boss glared at him, daring him to challenge. Today was not the day. Alex wanted to throw something. Preferably at him.

“Fine. But you do not go anywhere near him until then,” Alex said, unable to hold back the threat. He looked at them both once more before making the stiff walk back to the elevator. The whispers on the first floor hadn’t gotten any better and he just ignored them.

He sped the whole way home. More than normal. He tried to pick apart what he knew about the murder of the three girls but the only information they had were the witness accounts. Which he now doubted.

He rolled his shoulders, trying to let himself relax but it wasn’t working. He really needed to hit something. Everything about this was fucked up.

Why did he let Michael claim him? Sure he could say it was just in the moment but what was his actual reason? He wasn’t under a spell when he agreed to it. Horny, yes. Magic, no. He ran his hands through his hair, fighting the urge to pull it out.

He sat in his driveway, staring at the garage. If he moved some stuff around, he could probably put together a small home gym. He now wished the white lie he told Michael had been the truth. He needed an outlet.

He hopped out of his car and looked at the truck. Alex had mentioned stargazing over breakfast and Michael had seemed on board. If this was the last night they had, maybe they should use it.

He walked into the house, tension still hanging off his shoulders. Michael was lounged on the couch, shirtless, and watching some show on Netflix. Alex just watched him, wanting nothing other than to touch him again.

Michael looked up at him with a smile on his face that fell almost as soon as he looked over Alex’s clothes. He was up and in front of him in the next second, eyebrows drawn together.

“What happened?”

“I went to the office. To see what was going on.” Michael swallowed and nodded.

“And?”

“I have a week to figure out who killed those girls or they’re coming after you.” He nodded again. He placed a hand on the back of Alex’s head and pulled him in. He only pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I’ll help you in any way I can. But try to relax for a bit.” Michael took his hand and tugged him toward the couch.

Alex planted his feet, knowing full well he could move him if he wanted. Michael looked at him in confusion for a moment. His eyes softened as he cupped his cheek. Alex trembled with frustration.

Why did someone kill those girls? Why was he just noticing how much of a dick his boss was? Why did he let Michael claim him? Why was he being so distant? Why wouldn’t he just kiss him?

Alex could only solve one of those issues himself. So he did.

He grabbed Michael’s face, crushing their mouths together. He stumbled slightly in surprise but quickly wrapped his arms around Alex and kissed him back. Alex turned them, pressing Michael against the wall. A small groan slipped out. Alex bit his lip, tugging on it roughly before kissing over his jaw and neck.

“Alex,” he breathed out in warning.

He didn’t stop. He found his pulse point and began nibbling and sucking at the spot. Michael’s fingers dug into his hips as he was pulled closer, grinding against him. Alex bit on the spot he had been focused on, continuing to roll his hips.

“God damnit Alex. Tell me what you want and it’s yours. But you’re driving me fucking crazy here,” he nearly whined. Alex had thought his intentions were obvious as he sucked harder on the spot under his lips. Michael groaned but still pushed him back slightly.

“If you want to talk—”

“I don’t,” Alex cut him off, meeting his eyes. He watched them darken and his fangs peek out from this lips. “I want you. I need you. I want to take you apart like you did to me.”  The heat in his gaze shot need down to his cock.

“Then use me. For whatever you need.” Alex kissed him again, running his hands over every part of his torso. Michael shoved his jacket off his shoulders and tossed it somewhere to the side. Then he was grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it off, forcing them to break the kiss. It was only a moment before they were on each other again.

Alex licked into his mouth, feeling his teeth. He hadn’t bit him since that day. And Alex wanted him to. Craved it even. Like he wasn’t doing his job if he didn’t bare his most vulnerable spot for him.

He dug his nails into his hips and Michael’s hands moved to his jeans, popping the button easily. Then Michael was breaking away from him and sliding to his knees, pulling his pants to his thighs. He took Alex in his hand, stroking a few times before wrapping his mouth around the head.

The warmth of Michael’s mouth stunned him. His hands flew to his curls, holding him in place. He cursed as his tongue started running over his length. Alex tried to keep his hips still as Michael bobbed his head, slowly increasing his pace. He moaned as he hit the back of his throat, feeling him swallow.

Alex looked down at him, gripping his hair and holding him still. Michael didn’t fight, just watched him from his spot on his knees. He thrust his hips forward once. When Michael didn’t gag he did it again, reveling in the unusual warmth of him.

He let his hips go, fucking his mouth without restraint. His teeth never got in the way. Michael groaned every now and then, sending vibrations through his whole body and making him thrust harder. His legs shook as his orgasm rushed toward him.

He distantly felt Michael’s hands move to his ass and squeeze. It was only when he slipped one finger in him that he actually paid attention. A whine escaped his mouth and his hips stuttered. He pulled his hair roughly, earning him another groan.

“Fuck, I’m gunna cum,” he warned. Michael just fingered him faster as he slipped a second finger in. He looked down and found Michael already watching him. He brushed some curls out of his face and let himself go. Alex shoved himself to the back of his throat as his cock jerked.

The sensation was too much to hold and he pulled himself out, the last of his orgasm spilling over Michael’s lips and chin, rolling slowly down his neck. He pulled his fingers out of Alex’s ass as he was being pulled to his feet. Alex licked over the areas where his cum landed before returning to his lips with an open mouthed kiss.

They both moaned at the taste of each other and Alex felt the smallest prick of his teeth. He broke away and pulled his pants up before grabbing Michael’s hand, dragging him down the hall.

“Bedroom. Now.” Michael followed wordlessly. Halfway there, Michael was pulling him to a stop and pressing him against the wall, sharing sloppy and desperate kisses. They continued like that, making it only a few steps before they were on each other again. The half shut door was practically ripped off its hinges as they stumbled into it, mouths all over each other.

Michael scraped his teeth over his shoulder as Alex yanked the button and zipper on his jeans open. He shoved them down and Michael kicked them away. Alex grabbed his cock, rubbing it slowly as he continued to nibble and lick at his shoulder. He lifted his free hand to hold his head against his skin.

“Drink Michael. I know you want it,” he encouraged. Michael groaned as his hips jerked.

“I can’t Alex.”

“You can. I want you to.”

“I know. But the more I take, the harder it is to resist.” His own cock was starting to reharden.

Instead of responding, he pushed Michael back until he fell onto the bed. Alex crawled over him and sat on his thighs, leaning down to press kisses to his chest. He flicked his tongue over one of his nipples, making him whine. He ran his hands down his abs and wrapped a hand around him again, stroking him slowly.

Michael’s fingers grazed over his shoulders and back as he nibbled and sucked on his nipple. Then he dragged his lips across his chest to focus on the other. Michael’s hips were moving with the stroke of his hand, seeming in no rush.

Alex determined that just wouldn’t work. He wanted Michael begging.

Alex released him and stood up, moving to the drawer where he had put the new lube he bought. Of course they hadn’t used it at all. He felt Michael at his back, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder. He felt his cock poking at his lower back.

“When’d you get that,” he asked? Alex didn’t answer his question. Just turned his head toward him.

“Who said you could get off the bed?” He watched the corners of Michael’s mouth twitch up.

“I’m sorry. But if you come back now I can make up for it.”

“I’ll be there when I’m ready. Now go lay down.” Michael kissed his shoulder again.

“Yes sir.” Then his warmth was gone and Alex felt like he could breathe again. He knew Michael could easily distract him from everything but he needed this. He felt powerless. If this is the only thing he’s good for then he was going make sure Michael knew just how good he was.

He moved to the dresser and picked up the knife he had brought with him the night they met. He considered the ways this could go wrong. Sending Michael into bloodlust always came with the threat of death. But he wanted him desperate.

Alex moved back to the bed as Michael watched him closely, eyes flicking down to the knife and back up to his face. There was a hesitant curiosity. He knew exactly where his thoughts were going and he wasn’t wrong. But they’d work their way there.

“Alex,” he warned, beginning to sit up.

“Trust me. I won’t hurt myself.” He tossed the lube on the bed and flicked the knife open. “Not unless you ask me to. Or you can ask me to put it away if you’re that worried.” Alex leaned over him, kissing him slowly.

“I will get rid of the knife myself if you do something stupid,” he said, leaning back slowly. Alex nodded in understanding. Michael was just letting him act the part of having power after all.

“Stay still,” he ordered.

Alex started at his elbow, letting the tip of the knife just barely scratch over him. Michael shuddered but otherwise didn’t move. He watched his face the whole time, periodically making sure he wasn’t pressing too hard. When he got to his collarbone, he lifted the knife and started on the other arm, repeating the process.

He caught a glimpse of Michael’s fangs that he was now trying so hard to hide. As he reached his chest again, he pressed down just enough to draw a drop of blood. Michael hissed but didn’t stop him. Alex moved to press the knife to his throat, just like he did the first night.

“Well this is familiar,” Michael quipped. Alex smiled and leaned down, hovering just above his lips. He let his breath tickled his face. He tried to lean up to close the distance between them but Alex backed away and reminded him of the weapon resting against his neck.

“Careful. If you bleed too much I’ll have to give you some of mine.” Michael just groaned in response and Alex watched his cock jump at the threat. He tried to keep a straight face but he felt the corners of his mouth tug up.

He moved the knife to lightly press the tip to the hollow of his throat. Michael’s head rolled back, trying to move away from the point. He dragged it down his sternum and trailed it over his pecs, circling one nipple at a time. He leaned down, sucking lightly on the nipple the knife wasn’t circling.

Alex rocked his hips slowly, letting his jeans rub against Michael. He moaned and his own hips rolled up, searching for any kind of friction. Alex’s free hand grabbed his hip, stilling him. He took a deep breath through his nose and his fingers dug into the sheets.

“I need more Alex. What did I do to deserve this torture,” he half joked, half pleaded.

Alex kissed up his chest, licking up the small drop of blood that still sat there. He looked up at him through his lashes and watched his mouth fall open. He felt the response from his cock that throbbed as he rubbed against him.

“You don’t like me tempting you? All I want is for you to feed on me. I never thought I’d be jealous of little bags of nameless blood,” he admit. He sat back up, dragging the knife down to his abs, tracing an ‘s’ pattern over them.

Michael’s fangs were out and his eyes screwed shut. Like he was fighting the exact need Alex was encouraging him to embrace. Alex sat up and lifted the knife to his hand. He pricked his thumb and pressed a drop of blood out.

“Alex I can smell that,” Michael warned.

“I know.”

He cupped the side of Michael’s face, letting his thumb brush over his lips. He whined and his hips thrust up. He fought it but eventually his tongue slipped out and over the drop, licking it up. Alex only allowed him the taste before pulling his hand away and closing the knife. He stood again, placing the knife on the dresser and working his pants down his legs, over his prosthesis.

Michael watched him the whole time, eyes desperate and hungry. He scoot closer to the edge of the bed and Alex grinned. Michael was great at fucking, but seeing him like this, practically begging for relief made Alex’s own cock throb. He wanted to be inside him.

Alex ran his hands over his thighs and then maneuvered himself to his knees. He pushed his legs apart as he started kissing his shaft. Michael moaned and tried to press himself closer to Alex’s teasing tongue. He pulled back every time.

He worked his hands slowly to Michael’s ass, groping and scratching. His legs were shaking by the time Alex was pushing them open and up, running a finger over his puckered hole. He watched it tense as he pressed the tip of his finger in, reacting to the intrusion.

He heard the bed creek and looked up to see Michael had pushed himself up to watch him. He panted, mouth dropped open to expose his teeth. Alex smirked up at him before refocusing on his ass. He took the head of his cock in his mouth, sucked lightly, then released him and let his tongue run down the shaft to his scrotum. Alex teased his entrance with his tongue as he slowly pressed a finger inside him.

“Damnit Alex, you better fuck me before I flip this around.” Alex chuckled at the demand. He pulled back for a moment to find the lube. Pulling his finger out he coated it with the clear substance along with another two. He dove back in, running his tongue over him a few times, before slipping it inside, making Michael thrust.

He did it a few times before working his finger in again. He quickly moved to two, twisting and spreading his fingers. He took his cock into his mouth again, copying his tactic from earlier. Michael groaned and rocked under his attention. Alex felt his fingers comb through his hair before he was pushing his mouth further down.

Alex let him as he teased a third finger around his rim. He curled his fingers to press against his walls, softening the muscles. He pushed the third in with little resistance. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked on Michael, thrusting his fingers in and out.

Michael cursed and pulled on his hair. Alex hummed in appreciation. The more desperate Michael got only made him want it more. His own hard on begged for attention as he whined.

“Alex… gunna… cum…”

He pressed his fingers roughly against his prostate once before yanking them out. He released his cock from his lips and stood quickly. He tugged Michael toward him before grabbing the lube and coating himself. Precum dripped from Michael’s cock and his hips thrusted into nothing.

“You want me inside you?” He pressed the tip against him, just barely passing the rim.

“Fuck, please,” he begged.

“I don’t think you mean it,” he pushed, pulling his cock away. Michael snarled at him but it looked more desperate than threatening. Which was exactly what Alex wanted. He pressed the head in again using short and shallow thrusts, making his eyes flutter closed. Alex used this chance to grab the knife again.

“Talk to me Michael. What exactly do you want?” He flicked the knife open and pressed it to his chest, making a small cut.

“Don’t… I can’t…” Alex shoved himself inside, moaning at the tight squeeze around him. He let himself enjoy it for a moment before pulling back out so just the tip was still inside again. Alex leaned over him and watched his nose flare as he picked up the smell of him.

“Let go. Bite me, Michael.” He tried to shake his head. Alex wiped some of the blood away with his fingers, pressing them into his mouth and over his tongue. He saw Michael’s eyes flash red.

He was being yanked into him, going balls deep in one motion. The pinch of his teeth sent a wave of need through him and Alex thrust his hips forward. Michael’s legs were wrapped around his waist and his fingers scratching his back. He was sure he felt blood roll down his skin.

The usual warmth from his venom was absent. He felt every clench of his jaw and the pain was more intense but not unwelcome. He moaned next to Michael’s ear, the sound seeming to spur him on.

Alex moved his hips as best he could with Michael wrapped around him. He felt his tongue licking at the cut he had made, encouraging the flow. He grabbed Michael’s cock and stroked him in pace with his hips. His own orgasm was rushing up faster than he thought it would but he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

He felt when Michael released him but couldn’t remember being pulled onto the bed or when he had been rolled on his back. Michael crouched above him, eyes as red as the blood still dripping from his lips. He lined Alex up with his hole and sank down again.

Alex’s eyes rolled back as he grabbed his hips, needing to touch him. Their skin slapped together as Michael rode him fast and hard. He wrapped his hand around his own cock as their moans got louder together. Alex wasn’t going to last much longer at the pace they were going.

“C’mon Michael, milk my cock of everything it has.” His movements stuttered and Alex smirked. “Ride me until you cum, baby.” He was gripping Michael’s waist, trying to hold off as long as possible. Michael cursed above him, squeezing his cock harder. Then tensing of his ass was heaven and the lube leaked around them, as if making room for Alex to spill himself inside.

His back arched and he pulled Michael fully down on him. His cock jerked and throbbed as his orgasmed rolled through him. Alex grinded against him, making sure to hit the deepest parts. Then Michael’s legs were shaking as his mouth dropped open, a choked moan spilling out. He came over Alex’s abs, painting it with white ribbons.

Michael rocked his hips slowly, both of them shuddering at the continued stimulation. Alex’s cock jumped though it wouldn’t get hard again. He moved off and laid himself down next to Alex. They were silent, arms pressed together.

“That was stupid Alex,” he said quietly. “I could have really hurt you.”

“You could have stopped me,” Alex reminded him.

“I couldn’t.”

Alex turned to his head to look at him. His other arm was covering his eyes, the blood starting to dry on his face. Speaking of…

He hadn’t felt it until just then. His chest was still bleeding though it was slowing down. It ached. His back had started to burn as it rubbed against the sheets that were suddenly too rough.

“What do you mean, ‘you couldn’t?’”

“I wanted you so fucking bad. I’d been holding back all week and I…” Suddenly he shot up. “Sit up.” Alex pulled himself up and Michael was crawling around behind him. “Damnit. This is what I meant,” he said, pressing his a kiss to the top of Alex’s spine.

“Michael, I’m sure it’s not that bad,” he tried to reassure. Michael scoffed.

“Not that bad? Follow me.” He was off the bed and grabbing his hand without waiting for a response. He was dragged into the bathroom and Michael turned him around so his back was facing the mirror. “Look.”

He turned his head and sure enough, two sets of bright red scratches covered his back and shoulders. They weren’t really bleeding but he could tell they had been. He’d probably need a new set of sheets. He looked back at Michael who was obviously spiraling down from his guilt.

“Hey. I’m fine.” Michael shook his head.

“Are you blind? I did that to you. I hurt—”

Alex pulled him in, pressing a gentle kiss to his mouth. Michael melted into him, pressing the length of his body against him. He ran his fingers through his hair softly, trying to remind him just who he was dealing with.

“I promise I’m ok,” he said once they separated. He ran his hands over Michael’s shoulders. “But if it would make you feel better, why not just heal me?” Almost immediately, he was lifting his hand to his mouth and making a small bite.

Alex shook his head as he took Michael’s hand and pressed it to his lips, kissing the wound before licking it and sucking. He heard Michael hiss in a breath and he glanced up at him. The heat had already returned. He pulled his hand away, running his fingers over Alex’s cheek and down his neck.

“You have no idea how tempting it is to turn you right now.” He brought his hand back up and rubbed a thumb over Alex’s bottom lip, brushing away a drop of blood. He grabbed his wrist to stop him from moving away. He wrapped his mouth around his thumb, never breaking eye contact. Michael groaned.

“You’re a terrible influence on me.” Alex just grinned at him as he released his thumb. Michael wasn’t hard but he could feel him getting there.

“You never finished what you were saying earlier. Why couldn’t you stop me? Say no?” He sighed and pressed his forehead against Alex’s.

“Because I’ve been holding back. Trying to suppress every craving for you backfired.” Alex rested his hands on his hips, occasionally squeezing.

“But why suppress it? I’m here for you. Literally yours.”

“Every time I take from you, the harder it is to stop. That’s always been the flaw of claiming a human. It’s usually not done unless there’s the intent to turn them. I’ve been getting nothing but lectures from my siblings about how it was probably the worst decision I’ve ever made to claim you.”

Alex thought for a moment.

“Then why not turn me?”

Michael pulled back and shook his head. His eyes were sad but the desire still danced in the background.

“I told you. Don’t even suggest it.” Alex thought back to the conversation they had when they met. The temptation was always there. Especially if he had just fed. Michael sighed and lifted him onto the counter. He began working his prosthesis off.

“Turning people isn’t as common of a practice as the academy led you to believe. It’s reserved for… special circumstances.” Alex watched him.

“Like what?” He tugged his leg off and set it to the side, then rolled the sock down. He kissed up his leg until he stood again, not meeting Alex’s eyes.

“Family usually. Or if the vampire claimed a human.”

“That sounds like us.” Michael shook his head.

“Other vampires claim because they found a blood match. Which also applies to you and me. But it’s not like there’s only one person that can be a blood match. Its recurring. So the vampires that claim solely on blood matches usually just use their claimed until they’re drained and die.” Alex shivered.

“Do you… want to drain me?” Michael finally looked at him, desperate and wistful.

“Every time I’m close to you. Which is why I was fighting so hard to keep you at a distance.” Alex nodded, lifting his hands to run over Michael’s shoulders and up his neck to hold his face. Alex pulled him in for a soft kiss. Michael pulled back after a moment.

“The claimed are only turned when they form a bond with their Sire. Otherwise known as love.” Alex sucked in a breath, not expecting the word and the way it made his heart race. “It’s not a common occurrence. So no Alex. I’m not going to turn you and subject you to a life like this.”

Alex couldn’t pinpoint why it hurt to hear. Sure, he cared for Michael but he couldn’t go as far to call it love. They were desperate for each other. It had been like that since they met. There was a friendship blooming but they were in no uncertain terms anything more than friends with benefits.

So Alex just nodded and wrapped his legs around Michael’s waist, tugging him close for a kiss. It was soft and gentle, like they were lovers. Alex had to remind himself that they weren’t. Michael would never love him and Alex didn’t love Michael.

His heart panged with the thought.

He shoved his feelings down and deepened the kiss, licking into Michael’s mouth. Michael was half hard and pressed against his thigh. His hands were squeezing his hips, pulling him forward so their chests pressed together. Alex tugged on his bottom lip, pulling a low growl from the vampire. He pulled back sooner than he would have liked.

“Before I forget. You’re coming with me to the blood ball tonight,” he said, slightly out of breath. Alex’s eyebrows furrowed.

“You still want to go to those?” Jealousy burned under his skin. He wanted to lock Michael up and keep him for himself. Why should anyone else get to touch him? Or feel his fangs piercing their skin. His fingers tightened in his hair. Michael smirked at him, as if he knew exactly what he was thinking.

“Careful there hunter. I might think you actually like me.” He leaned forward again, letting his breath dance over Alex’s lips. “I want you there to brag. Brag that you’re all mine. And as sexy as you were in that leather jacket, I’m afraid I’m going to have to request you to dress a little more… risqué. If only so I can eat you up in front of everyone.”

A new need filled Alex, bringing his slightly hard cock to full attention. He shivered at the possessiveness. His brain scolded him but he stamped it out, yanking Michael back in for a kiss. He hadn’t understood why those two men he saw last week were being so open about their lust. Now he did. He was more than willing to let Michael parade him around as a pet as long as everyone there knew he was Michael’s. And that Michael was his in return.

He felt himself being lifted and he hugged himself to Michael tighter. Their sloppy kisses had his hips rolling and Michael groaning. Alex couldn’t help but laugh as he was bumped against the glass as he stumbled into the shower. Michael smirked and his back was against the cold tile, making him gasp.

His mouth was captured again and he felt around blindly for the handle to the showerhead. Michael bit his lip and ground his hips against him, rubbing their cocks together. Alex moaned and his hand slipped down. He knocked the handle, cold water spraying over them. Neither stopped in their movements.

Michael attached himself to his throat, sucking and lightly biting at the area just above the mark. Alex whimpered and dug his blunt nails into his back. His hips rolled.

“Is it my turn to wreck you,” Michael mumbled against his neck. His voice low and desperate.

“Don’t you always,” he said back, his own voice breathy.

Michael just chuckled and nipped at him again before returning to his lips. His legs were being dropped but held steady by his hands on his waist. Alex reached between them, wrapping his hand around them both and stroking slowly. Michael groaned and one of his hands moved from his waist to play with Alex’s ass.

Water wasn’t the best lubricant but his fingers still slipped in without much resistance. Alex’s mouth dropped open as he squeezed his hand wrapped around them. Michael’s fingers moved in and out with increasing speed and Alex was putty in his hands. He broke the kiss and let his head fall to Michael’s shoulder.

“Fuck,” he gasped out as his hips started moving in time with the rate of his fingers. He didn’t get to enjoy it long before the fingers were gone and he was being forced to sit on the tile seat. Michael was gone and back in a couple seconds.

Alex just looked up at him, curls plastered to his face, chest heaving up and down with barely controlled restraint. He shut the water off and flicked the bottle open, pouring a generous amount on his hand and coating his dick. Then he was sitting next to Alex and pulling him onto his lap so his back was pressed to his chest. He forced his legs open and slipped the head of his cock over his entrance.

Alex had never felt more exposed with his legs spread this way. He caught a glimpse of their reflection in the tiles but it wasn’t clear.

Then Michael was slipping into him, the position making his ass tighter. He could feel every curve of the man inside him and he let out a loud moan. Michael’s mouth against his shoulder grinned and nipped at him.

“You’re so tight. Squeezing me so good. You ready to be punished for your little stunt with the knife? Sending me into bloodlust?” Michael’s arm wrapped around his waist, holding him steady. He began thrusting his hips slow and deep. Alex whimpered as he held onto Michael’s arms.

“I just wanted… to be good for you…” he gasped out. Michael’s hips jerked up, hitting the bundle of nerves inside him.

“I warned you about putting your life in danger. That you’d be punished.” Alex shuddered. This certainly didn’t feel like a punishment. Then again, he hadn’t really started.

“You’re free to cum whenever but you can’t touch yourself.”

Oh, that’s not so bad…

“And if you don’t cum before I do, I’ll make sure you do in front of everyone later,” he finished the threat. His cock jumped, begging for any sort of stimulation. Damn his body. Every suggestion Michael made had his skin buzzing. Things he would have never considered with anyone else suddenly sounded like the most delicious torture.

“Michael I…” he didn’t know what he was going to say and it didn’t matter. Michael sucked hickeys into his shoulder and thrust his hips into him roughly. He replaced whatever sentence he was going to say with little moans every time his hips connected with his ass.

Alex couldn’t be sure if the dampness on his skin was sweat or water. Probably both.

“You are mine. Mine to use as I see fit. And if you keep tempting me with that sweet blood of yours, maybe I’ll just lock this up.” He wrapped a loose fist around him, only stroking a few times before releasing him. Alex tried to move his hips to get more of his touch but Michael held him firmly in place.

He was being lifted and pressed against the glass. He lifted his hands up to brace himself and Michael held him up by his thighs. He pressed his forehead to the cool glass and could just barely see the outline of his hands in the mirror. He wondered briefly what it would be like to watch Michael fuck him. Or the other way around if that’s how it went.

Michael’s hands tightened on his thighs as he got better leverage. Alex desperately needed him deeper but now he was avoiding it.

This asshole doesn’t want me to cum.

The realization made him groan. Fine. He would play dirty.

“Come on Michael. I thought you were going to wreck me,” he taunted, breathless. He heard a growl from behind him. “Don’t blame me if I have to find someone else. I’m sure there’s another vampire who’d love my blood. Or maybe I’ll go after Kyle—”

Michael pulled out of him and dropped his legs, though he never let him fall. He was spun around and trapped against the glass. Michael’s eyes burned with rage and his hand wrapped around his throat.

“Take it back.”

“No.” His nose twitched. He bared his fangs at him again, only intensifying the need pulsing through every part of him. “Prove me wrong. Wreck me,” he dared.

Michael was sinking his teeth into the mark and Alex keened. He knew Michael wasn’t drinking but the burning that was taking over his body tipped him off. The venom rushed through him, igniting every nerve. Michael’s hands were everywhere, grabbing, scratching, and caressing.

“Oh god,” he whimpered out. He wanted to run but Michael was everywhere. Lips running over his throat, hands over his arms and torso, and hips grinding into him.

“You want to rethink being a brat and trying to get out of your punishment?” Alex’s hands flew to his hair, yanking him from his neck and crashing their lips together. Michael’s tongue was in his mouth, teasing. Alex was melting and he needed him inside again.

Alex broke away from the kiss and turned on his own, holding onto the metal bar for support. He kneeled on the bench, the tile rough on his knees. He pressed himself against the wall, sticking his ass out as much as he could.

“Please, Michael,” he begged. Michael groaned at the sight of him.

“You’re lucky you’re so damn sexy.” His hands grabbed Alex’s waist and he pushed himself inside again. Michael didn’t bother waiting before he was fucking him. His hands were all over his back, scratching lightly. Alex trembled as the whines and moans fell from his lips with every rough jerk of his hips.

“Is this how it is? You’re a brat when you want to be used? Piss me off and make me jealous when you want it rough?” He couldn’t respond. He felt every thrust deep in his gut as his eyes fluttered closed. He wanted to touch himself but Michael had said not to. He didn’t need to bring on any more of his punishments. No matter how much he wanted to.

Michael’s hand wrapped around his throat and yanked him back against his chest. His fingers squeezed the sides of his neck, restricting the blood flow. His head spun and body burned. Steam rolled around them and he finally felt the water droplets hitting his skin. Water ran over him. Every drop was like lava running down his body.

“Oh god, Michael… Michael…” He groaned next to his ear and bit at his earlobe.

“You feel good? Now who do you belong to, hunter?”

“Not… you…” he panted out, letting himself smirk. He was so close. He needed to draw this out just a bit longer.

He was shoved forward with his wrists pinned to the tile above him. Michael abused his ass, thrusting in and out as he hung on to his last sliver of control. A sharp slap on his ass made him yelp.

“Try that again,” he threatened. The desire was coiled so tightly. Precum dripped from the tip of his cock. It jumped with every thrust of Michael’s hips, begging for release. He tried to move his own hips but his pace was too fast. Another swat on his ass brought his focus back to Michael. “Answer me. Or I might rethink letting you cum.”

He reached around and grabbed his throbbing erection, just firm enough to make Alex choke out a whine and try to thrust his hips. But his hand didn’t move. Just kept him on the edge while he tried to form coherent words.

“…yours… I’m yours,” he finally managed. Michael buried himself deep inside and stopped moving. He clenched his ass around hm, trying to encourage him to move.

“Keep going. I want to hear your apology for making me jealous.” He was held steady as he clenched his fists, trying to make his brain work properly.

“I… I just needed you…” A rough thrust cut him off. He moaned and pressed back as much as he could.

“Talk Alex. Don’t get distracted by me.” Alex swallowed.

“I wanted to see… how far I could push…” Another thrust. “Make you possessive.” Thrust. “It makes me want you so fucking bad.” Thrust. “I’ve never felt this good with anyone else.” Thrust. “You own me, Michael. Oh god please, fuck me.”

Michael growled and released his wrists, instead grabbing his hair and pulling him back against his chest. His hips snapped forward as he stroked his cock. Curses tumbled from Alex’s lips as the water from the shower ran between them. His hands reached blindly behind him, needing to touch Michael.

“You’re so fucking good for me. You break my rules just to drive me crazy don’t you?” The only sounds Alex could make were desperate moans as Michael moved in and out of him. His legs shook, feeling like he would fall over any second. As though the only thing to hold him up was Michael.

“So… close…” he panted out. His nerves were like fireworks on his skin. Every stroke of Michael’s hand was like the only relief he could get. The coolness of his hand mixed with the burning of the water made his hips roll as much as Michael would allow.

“Cum, baby. And remember I’m the one who let you.”

Alex shuddered as his orgasm hit like a train. He pleaded for any sort of break but Michael’s thrusts hitting his sweet spot only served to drag it out. The white spurts hit the tile on the wall and were quickly washed away by the water. Trembles of overstimulation rolled over him as he dug his nails into Michael’s leg.

He felt Michael’s lips on his skin and the erratic breathing to match his hips. The hand that was in his hair slid down to wrap around his throat, angling his head. His teeth scraped over his skin but he never bit. The growl from his chest vibrated against his back. Michael all but ripped his mouth away and his hips stuttered. He gripped his hips, thrusting into him roughly a few extra times as he filled him. Alex felt the excess run down his leg only to be rinsed away by the water that was quickly turning cold.

“Michael,” he said breathlessly. His fingers gripped his skin, holding him firmly in place.

Michael seemed to be brought back to the real world and pulled out of him slowly, even releasing his grip on his throat. Alex whimpered at the emptiness but there was no way he could go again right now. And something was off with Michael.

He turned slowly, allowing himself to sit down. Alex took his hands and encouraged him to sit next to him. Michael wouldn’t look at him; just continued staring at the ceiling. His eyebrows drew together as Michael practically fell to his knees in front of him, hiding his face.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What happened,” he asked, beginning to panic.

He cradled his face in his hands but he wouldn’t lift his head. Michael’s fingers ran up his thighs and around to his hips. The touches were featherlight. As though he would break.

“Michael, please. Talk to me.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled out. Alex blinked, confused.

“What do you mean? Look at me,” he ordered gently. Michael fought the pull at first but eventually he let himself be seen. Truly seen. His eyes bright red and fangs extended. The pain that danced behind the bloodlust was so obvious it made Alex want to cry for him.

“I’m a monster, Alex. You kill things like me.” Alex shook his head.

“You aren’t a monster—"

“Look at me! Driven by hunger and desperation and addiction. I literally can’t quit you anymore,” he snapped. Alex pressed his forehead to Michael’s. “I almost killed you just now. And you would have turned. All because I wanted you for myself. How does that not repulse you?”

“Because I trust you. You have me Michael. I’m not going anywhere you aren’t.” He meant it. His heart raced whenever Michael was close to him. He looked forward to waking up with him. He was willing to lose everything if it meant keeping him by his side.

“It’s the mark talking—”

“No. This is me Michael. I only wish I knew how to convince you.” The red in his eyes began to retreat. The water that cascaded around them was freezing now. Alex shivered and Michael moved to stand but he held on to him, pulling him into a soft kiss instead. Michael held him so gently even as his body trembled.

“Besides,” Alex started when they broke apart. “If you’re somehow repulsive for wanting me for yourself, then I must be twice as bad. I’m jealous of little bags of nameless blood after all,” he said, attempting a joke. Thankfully, it earned him a grin and light laugh.

Michael reached to the side and shut the water off. He lifted Alex into his arms and carried him back to the bedroom. Alex laughed as he was dropped on the bed, still soaking wet. Michael crawled over him, pressing sweet kisses to his face and neck.

“Hey, give me a break,” Alex giggled. His cocky smile was back when he stood again. No evidence of the soul baring desperation from a moment ago.

“I am. You’ll need it for what I have planned for you. You aren’t getting out of punishment that easily.” His cock twitched half-heartedly. “I just need to make sure the outfit I got you fits.”

#malex fic #malex fanfiction #malex #vampire au #roswell new mexico fic #michael guerin/alex manes #michael guerin #alex manes #feedback always appreciated

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Belgium brings their ex-vocalist back to Rotterdam 2021

Here we chop chop boys like we chop chop wood

This review space would’ve been reserved for Belarus. Unfortunately, their broadcaster was not ready to make nice, and ultimately refused to serve EBU with anything but not-even-so-thinly-veiled propaganda, so much so that EBU, after all they’ve given the time for them for to snap out of it, finally had to be like “bye bitch” (- Lizzo) with enough push from the fandom, and informed everyone that Belarus will miss this year’s contest <3

Which means that I don’t have to deal with 41, but with 39 writeups to do overall, if my timing permits! The Roop could’ve always used a little less competition, anyway /j

Speaking of The Roop’s competition, time to aim at another one of their semifinal folk with a review. Come forth, Belgium!

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Hooverphonic, eventhough they’re not as big of a name as Flo Rida, is the biggest act to compete in this year’s Eurovision, and even had lasted longer as a thing than Flo Rida. He barely even got his proper famous kickstart around in the 2000s. Hoover have been around at least for 5 years more than him, if “Years active” section on Wikipedia is anything to go by. And back then they were just known as Hoover, correct. Their lineup of singers has changed for quite some time, but otherwise the band since its inception is rooted in basically two men: Alex Callier and Raymond Geerts. They used to have a keyboardist too but was he a part of their glory years in 2000? No? Thought so, he’s irrelevant then. In fact, their first vocalist wasn’t even present on their first album, so they went to have another one, who did just one album with them before 2000 and left. Now I’m only constantly and consistently bringing up 2000 because that’s when they had their break out moment in relevancy - after they changed their singer once more before they found someone called Geike Arnaert - the woman you’re seeing on the MV’s thumbnail right now, and not someone certain for whom there was a public outcry for she is the only Hooverphonic component that’s not coming back from 2020 to 2021. But more on that later. I’m here to present you the break-out hit, for those who just don’t know:

I used to like to think of Hoovers as trip-hop sensations, well not in the style of Massive Attack because they have their trip-hop sound with actual hip hop thrown in, Hooverphonic’s style is that but with a tinge of symphonic.

Well, “Mad About You” wasn’t really the only hit they had, before that they got a bunch of minor and domestic hits, and their music was used for soundtracks. So it’s a little bit cheating still to think of “Mad About You” as their breakout hit, but that’s still the biggest song of the band. If I were to recommend you stuff from them that aren’t necessarily the biggest hits but still, “The Night Before” with yet another one of their vocalists is pretty good.

So when I tell you that Hooverphonic is a band of a very long career. Well some bands do survive a lot without having their lineup change for 10+ years, but Hooverphonic vocalistes come and go sometimes, and for 2020 forray, when they were first announced, they came in to that talk show studio where they were guests in with a promising little starlet Alex Callier found at The Voice Belgium (for the Flanders region) and was her mentor there, Luka Cruysberghs, as their current vocalist.

Is it just me or her and Stefania Liberakakis look like they could be cousins?

All went smooth and dandy, until Alex started spouting stuff about Eurovision the fans found not amusing, such as calling Eurovision a circus or something, later begging and pleading to medias that his statement was “lost in translation” - now I would say it happens to the best of us, like for Tornike, but deep inside I think I know Alex meant what he meant, inside or outside context. Because everything just went even more sour when everyone found out Hooverphonic were missing from the common song “Love Shine a Light” for the 2020 consolation programme in place of Eurovision, and when they were forced to explain, Alex just straight up said he didn’t like the song, so he decided to not do it. Fuck, I myself don’t adore the 1997 winning song, but I like it, and would’ve still done a piece of that song out of respect. Take it or leave it, god damn. Also they were noted to be the only people plugging in their other material in the time when Eurovision 2020 artists on the consolation programme were either saying inspirational stuff or “hope to see you soon!” or a combo of both, once again, courtesy of mostly Alex. Now I’m not saying his ego is bigger than Kirkorov’s... of fucking course not, no one has an ego bigger than Kirkorov’s. The only thing that can beat him in that regard is if someone booked Kanye West for Eurovision last minute.

Following 2021, they were very excited to jump on the “leave 2020 songs behind” train, while a few artists like VICTORIA and The Roop rallied for to keep their entries in tact if they were allowed to. And with that, in late 2020, they went ahead and celebrated the 20 years of “Mad About You” by getting rid of Luka as a vocalist and bringing back the aforementioned Geike to reprise her part. Seems pretty reasonable, but for the Eurofandom it was simply seen as a dick move, and mostly for the reason that all 2020 artists deserve a 2021 chance, even if they’re band members. What felt more dickish is that Luka was straight up told “byeeee u’re no longer our bandmate xo” on a Zoom call between band members. Like, it’s fine to be told you’re fired in person, even if still humiliating, because what’s the other better way? What’s equally worse is to be told this via email, but the email you were sent was sent like a few months ago and you only read it NOW. At least I guess that proves we know what the “sad and losing game” was that Luka asked to be released from now, heh.

Not to worry Luka-stans, as Alex will still have her, just as not the part of the band anymore. But instead give her a solo career. Yeah well we’ll see how long that lasts.

With the 2000 glory heydays lineup of Hooverphonic we have their entry be “The Wrong Place”, as the completely quite different song they promised (or didn’t) when saying that they will certainly and absolutely get rid of their old one for the 2021 if they had a choice. What they didn’t get rid of is the theme of the worse part of relationships - “Release Me” is about probably wanting to be let go of and released rather than kept by the side when it’s probably not working out. “The Wrong Place” is one of those episodes that probably happened during then - they had a house conflict, she chose to have a smoke to forget about it, the man’s after her Johnny Cash T-Shirt. Not much else to say about the song’s technicality fortunately than I’ve already said so much about the band, so how does it fare in the Hoover-lore, for me?

REVIEW

See, I would like to root for Luka ever having her chance to get to experience Eurovision if she wishes, but maybe it’s lowkey for her own benefit she wasn’t the chosen vocalist for the song, as Geike could do “Release Me”, but Luka wouldn’t be able to do “The Wrong Place”.

“The Wrong Place” is well-suited to the first vocaliste’s melancholic blend-in timbre, and a singer like Luka would sound a little too light on this with her soft-spoken sound of her voice. Besides, I don’t think she could be old enough to relate to the lyrical subject’s domestic struggle issue. Not to say 20 year olds don’t smoke and drink, it’s just that “The Wrong Place” feels a little bit too much mature enough.

Although I think that both of them could absolutely rock the music video visuals.

The song itself is very Hooverphonic. They used to do this kind of standout triphoppy sound back in the days, but as of lately they kind of grew out of the label to do more of the music that kinda sounds like movie soundtrack music. Idek the exact label I could give it to their music so move soundtrack music it is I guess. It has a decently paced structure (could’ve done without the overly repetitive ending where they repeat “you’re in the wrong place” over and over, like ffs I know where I am!!), and interesting lyrical choices. Such as “organic cup of... tea”, as in, WOW! HOOVERPHONIC HAS ENOUGH WITH THE TEABAGS FULL OF GROUND AND GRINDED TEA! THEY WILL ONLY MAKE TEA FROM PURE HERBS AND FLOWERS, AS IT WAS USED TO BE DONE! and acting like her Johnny Cash T-Shirt is the kind of prized possession her man is not allowed to wear to rub it in her face. Imagine if it was something more mundane. “Don’t you ever dare to wear my... pink polka-dot T-shirt”? Damn right it doesn’t seem to suit the mood lol.

It’s not what I exactly wanted from Hooverphonic, but probably what I subconsciously needed from them anyway, ever since they were announced for 2020. I only got into “Release Me” sometime AFTER the contest, “The Wrong Place” is a bit more instant to stand behind. So well done to them to commit to their craft.

Approval factor: I guess I do have to stamp this with my stamp of approval. It’s nice and all. Follow-up factor: “The Wrong Place” follows up as a more of a Hooverphonic discography track after the fairly average and overlookable “Release Me” (eventhough the latter has the tinge of theirs as well because it’s a more symphonic ballad, and they do have symphonic stuff on their discog afterall). As a Eurovision entry, it comes across as even better somewhat, and even slightly more standout, but that might not necessarily work in their favour. Qualification factor: And that’s because they’re absolutely stranded in the semi with too many qualification choices to name. Belgium gets to be a bit quasi-obvious, but they’ve failed with a Hooverphonic-penned song before, plus, the pop girlies of this semi are more likely to eat out a band like this alive, but I wouldn’t exactly say Belgium is doomed to fail either, because I am positive Hooverphonic will think of something. I’m just saying that shocking things can happen every now and then.

INTERNAL CORNER

Well, considering Alex Callier is not running his mouth this time as much as he did so last year’s season, I think it’s safe to say that Hooverphonic have had nothing to write home about.

No, wait...

Well I did mention that Luka got replaced as one of the events that happened to Hooverphonic’s lifetime, but thank God that Alex promised her a solo career, right? Right?

Well, apparently, we’re getting towards it.

And the first lyrics of her first solo forray post-Hooverphonic-vocalist-duties features the lyrics about possibly her making someone “regret it”. Lol now watch this song to be a karma kick into Hooverphonic’s ass if Belgium happens to not qualify this year. Luka forewarned y’all with sharp precision.

Annnnnd that’s pretty much it, besides the band jumping on the trend of turning their entries into a Festivali i Këngës 59 acoustic night European version by presenting their own acoustic version of this track. I did not have the kind of courage to link to the Azerbaijan’s “slow version” on their review in fear of overruning my post even longer than they would usually be for these reviews, but at least it moves people to a certain degree

Well, my question of the days is, does “The Wrong Place” in acoustic make you sad twerk?

ANY LAST WORDS?

Belgium’s big weakness is when it comes to stage their entries, notably for the last two years where the Eurovision actually happened. Sennek was awkwardly put in the middle and succumbed to the curse of Lucie Jones of grimmacing too much and therefore ruining her score in the process, possibly. Eliot was just simply upstaged by the decision to include big drums on stage. Alex Callier acknowledges all that sort of thing, so if anything goes absolutely right and Hooverphonic manage to make it to Rotterdam (which I think they can do because Belgium and Netherlands are neighbours lol? unless their lockdown rules get super strict in May), he should get on to mending all the flaws that Belgium had in the past for staging, and have a spectacular vision. Because it’d be sadly hilariously ironic if Hoovers miss out on the final due to the staging again. Can’t just constantly blame the vocalist - Geike would be flawless live, if Hooverphonic trusted in her for so many years. Can’t blame the song - it’s not too bad. So staging, I guess.

Good luck Hooverphonic, you’ll certainly need it. Also can RTBF consider that they could send anything else from the Wallonian music scene other than The Voice Belgique acts~

#eurovision #eurovision 2021 #rotterdam 2021 reviews #belgium #hooverphonic #the wrong place

[pagingevilspawn]

Could you please write a fic like the continuation of you said you would grow old with me that their child is born and jo tells their child about alex ?

wishin’ you were sitting here, right next to me

okay, this is being posted right at midnight (lets pretend) , happy new year! i’ll fix it later lol.

this is like a part two to ‘you said you’d grow old with me’. so if you haven’t read that one already, you can read it here! 

Twelve year old Bree Karev sat on her bed in her room, confused, and even a little bit mad. Today marked yet another failed attempt to set her mom up on a date. Ever since she was eight, Bree had been trying to push guys toward her mom. It was never hard for her to convince men, one look at Jo and they’d be gone, but her mom politely declined. Every. Single Time.

Bree was a hopeless romantic. One that believed in happily ever afters and love at first sight. She knew that her mom was still in love with her dad, that she always would be, but it had been nearly thirteen years since his death. She just wanted her mom to be happy, and what better way to be happy than have someone to laugh with and smile until your cheeks hurt?

Never once had she seen her mom with a man that wasn’t a friend. No boyfriends, and as far as she knew, any potential one-night stands would’ve occurred when she was out of the house, so who knows if she even had any of those.

The girl is broken from her thoughts when she feels a soft knock on her door, looking up to see her mom in her doorway, a small smile on her face. “Get ready for bed, you have school tomorrow.” Jo says, about to turn around when her daughter’s voice stops her.

“Wait,” she says, looking at her mom with implying eyes. “Why do you always say no?” she asks.

Jo looks at her daughter, her small smile dropping from her face. Truthfully, she had fully forgotten about her daughter’s little set up from a few hours before, more focused on spending time with Bree than her attempts to meddle with her love life.

“I know you still love him, I do too. But, it’s been so long.” Bree says, not noticing how Jo’s eyes grow sad, too focused on picking at the skin near her fingernails.

Jo sighs, making her way over to her daughter’s bed and sitting down next to her, ruffling the grey and white floral comforter underneath them, which matched the rest of the bedroom’s decor.

“Why don’t you want to move on?” the girl asks.

Jo lets out a loud sigh. It was time Bree learned their story. Their crazy, messed up, love story that was like something out of a soap opera. She’d been putting it off for years, waiting until Bree was older, more mature. She would’ve preferably waited until she was sixteen, but she knew her (not-so-little) little girl was getting frustrated. Jo knew that Bree’s intentions were pure every time she tried to set her up. It wasn;t because she felt she didn’t have a father figure, it was something she wanted to do just for her mom.

The mom purses her lips, prepared to let the words flow out of her mouth. Right now, she wouldn’t let her brain filter through what she was going to say. She wasn’t going to hold back. Bree deserved that.

“Your dad taught me what love was- no, showed me what love was, real love.” she feels Bree’s eyes on her. Telling her daughter about her past was something that was terrifying her to her core. It was something she would’ve liked to keep secret, but knew that that couldn’t be the case.  

Jo lets out a shaky breath. “I was twenty-two when I met Paul Stadler.” she starts, not needing to look over to know that her daughter’s eyes were wide. Her mom wasn’t one to talk about ex’s. Granted, Jo didn’t really have many.

“He was charming, funny, kind,” Jo huffs, taking her daughter’s hand in hers and rubbing her thumb against the back of it. It didn’t matter how many years passed, Paul and memories of what had been would always haunt her. While she was pregnant with Bree, her nightmares had started back up again. It wasn’t until a while later when she realized the only reason she stopped having them for all those years was because she had Alex holding her while she slept, when she felt completely safe. They had dialed down over the years, but occasionally she would wake up in cold sweats, her dreams feeling too close to reality.

“I thought he was Prince Charming, coming in and sweeping Cinderella off her feet,” she says honestly, feeling sorry for the girl she used to be. She stopped cursing herself for those years a long time ago. It wasn’t her fault what happened to her. It took years of therapy, but she knew that now. She was a survivor, not a victim. She saw what everyone else did in Paul, what he wanted to show.

“He was every girl’s dream. He seemed perfect. And that first year, he was.” She looks over at her daughter, her eyes glossed over. “So, when he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him-” Jo swallows roughly, squeezing Bree’s hand, “I said yes.”  

The girl was shocked to say the least. Her mom had been married previously? Why had she never heard that before? Her mom was fairly open about her life, so why hadn’t she heard about her mom’s first husband?  

Jo sighs, “After our wedding, Paul… changed,” she settles on, feeling Bree’s curious eyes on her. She really wished they were having this conversation when she was older. Bree was smart, mature, more so than other kids her age, but Jo still wanted to protect her from the world.  

How was she supposed to tell her that monsters didn't live under the bed, but rather slept beside you every night?

“He was angrier, the Paul I had gotten to know fading away quicker than I could even realize it.” she squeezes Bree’s hand again, giving her the strength she needed. “About two months after we got married, everything shifted.” Jo knew that she wouldn't go into detail. No matter how strong her little girl was, no daughter needed to hear about the abuse their mother suffered.  

Bree sat frozen on her bed, not knowing what to say.

“For three years, I was in a relationship that made me loose who I was. I was unrecognizable, he controlled everything. To say i was a shell of my former self is an understatement. I spent years trying to tell myself that he would go back to the man I fell in love with if I did what he wanted, if I did everything perfectly. It took me three years to figure out the man I fell in love with didn’t exist, it was all just a facade.

“After graduation I ran. I stole some money from him, ran away, and changed my name to Jo Wilson.”

Bree looks up to her mom, her palm held tightly in the woman's, “Jo’s not your real name?” she asks.

Jo shakes her head. “No, Jo is my real name. It’s just not the one I was born with. ‘Jo’ was always inside of me, the person I always was, she just never had the chance to come out.” she answers honestly.

“When I came to Seattle I had one goal, and that was to be the best surgeon I could be. I thought that maybe I'd date a few guys here and there, but nothing too serious. That obviously didn’t end up being the case.” she lets out a soft chuckle, letting the memories of her intern year flood back to her. God, back then she was so scared, so frightened so downright terrified. It was hard to believe that it was twenty years ago she first laid eyes on the man who became the love of her life. How time flies. She still remembers being that wide-eyed intern that thought Meredith was Medusa, who thought that Alex was the world’s largest asshole to walk the face of the earth.

It was crazy; how one person could have such a large impact on your life, to have been a part of the process of who you are today.

She decided that she needed to hurry the story along and not get too lost in the past. “When I first met your dad I hated him.” she says bluntly, making Bree’s eyes widen like saucers. Of all the things she was expecting to hear her mom say about her dad, finding out that she hated him at the beginning of it all was not one of them.  

Jo chuckles, “It’s true. He was a huge asshole who’s already slept with all of my friends and flirted with any female that had two legs.” she smiles at the flashback pouring in through her head.

“Do you mind?”

“Sorry”

“Why are you following me?”

“I’m your intern for the day.”

“Hello intern, you have a name?”

“Jo Wilson.”

“Nice. I like chicks with boy’s names.”

“I have absolutely no interest in you since you’ve already slept with every single one of my friends”

How ironic, she thinks.

Jo tucks a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear, looking into the eyes that were a mirror image of her own. Bree’s lips quirk up into a crooked grin, a sight that melted Jo’s heart every time. Their daughter had inherited Jo’s favorite feature about Alex.

“It only took getting drunk at a wedding, sharing about our crappy childhoods, and fake crying our way into a hotel room for us to become best friends overnight.” she lets a smile paint over her lips. “After that day we were inseparable. I would crash at his place most days of the week, passing out on the couch I bought for him after drinking beer, ordering take-out, and watching action movies together, oblivious to my feelings for him.”

Jo internally laughs at herself, trying to decide if she could go back in time whether she would’ve waited to get together with him or not. If she didn’t wait, she would’ve had longer with him, but something she always held so close to her was that they fell in love with each other even though they’d never kissed. She always thought it was just a small example of how strong their love for each other was.

“I dated a guy, the guy wasn’t a good guy. I finally realized I was in love with your dad when a tree came crashing through his living room.” she chuckles, Bree doing the same. Leave it up to her mom to have a life changing realization during the middle of a disaster

“This thought was weird, foreign to me. I’d never kissed him before, never really hugged him, so being in love with him was terrifying. But when he told me that he loved me?” Jo smiles, her eyes flutter shut as their conversation in the supply closet plays out before her.

“This place looks so different in the dark.”

“Yeah... You think the tree ruined my couch?”

“I think it ruined your entire living room.”

“Listen, I have to tell you something.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

“I think I do and you shouldn’t.”

“Jo-”

“I’ll mess it up, Alex. I mess everything good in my life up, and… we work as friends really well, and-and I don’t want to mess that up.”

“You won’t mess anything up. Last night, before the tree, you asked me a question. You wanted to hear me say the words. So I'm… saying them right now.”

“I don't hear anything.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay but i’m-”

“I’m serious.”

“Fine.”

“I love you.”

“The first time we kissed and I looked into his eyes,” Jo shakes her head, bemused with herself. “All I could think was, ‘There you are, it's you. I’ve been waiting for you for so long’.” she chuckles despite herself, wiping the single tear making its way down her cheek, knowing that whenever Alex was right now, he was shaking his head at her, trying to hide a laugh at her heartfelt statement, but yet holding it close to his heart, knowing that she meant every word.  

“We were far from perfect. We bickered back and forth, called each other names. Not to mention, our stubbornness always got in the way of us. But none of that really mattered, because at the end of the day, we’d fall asleep in each other’s arms, whether we were fighting or not. And even if we were fighting, he would always kiss me good morning and good night. Always. No matter what.” Jo lets out another huff of air, still being able to remember the feel of his lips on hers, the way they tasted, the way they moved. She smiles a small cheeky smile, “Good morning and goodnight kisses were important to him.”

She longed for it. Another kiss. Another moment. Another conversation. Another beer. Another crooked grin. Another boyish laugh. Another inappropriate joke. Another steamy shower. Another nuzzle with his scratchy beard. Another round of doughnuts in supply closets. Another chance to fake cry to get a hotel room. Another annoying comeback. Another hug. Another ‘I love you.’

One more second. One more second with him, so she could tell him about their beautiful little girl. One more second, so he could meet her, hold her, hug her. That’s all she wanted.  

They sit in silence for a while, taking in the peace around them. Jo observes the light grey walls, white furniture, messy dresser, the string lights on the wall, the photos on the strings. Bree gets up unexpectedly, grabbing a photo from the wall walking back over to the bed with it in her hand, passing it to her mom as she sits down again.

Jo traces her finger over the photograph, a lighthearted smile making its way to her lips unconsciously. It was an older photo, one from about two years after she and Alex had started dating. It was a simple couple pose; Alex standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her middle, Jo leaning into him, her hands placed over his. She was smiling wide for the camera, while he was half-smirking, half-grinning.

“Oh oh! I wanna take a picture!” Jo exclaimed excitedly as she stood on the ferry boat, the sun casting a breathtaking pink, orange, and yellow glow over the normally dark blue water.

She hears him groan behind her as she leans over the railing, elbows resting on the bar as her hair blows in the breeze, a gentle smile painting her lips.

She was a sight to see, Alex couldn’t help but grin right then. He always loved her the most when she was like this; calm, messy hair, a little bit of leftover makeup from earlier, just completely content with herself and everything around her.

He watches as she tilts her head back, eyes closed as she lets the sun’s rays shine onto her face, creating a natural glow that only seemed to add to the beauty she so naturally possessed.

Jo looks over to him, flashing Alex an overly sweet, sugary smile. “Pleaseee.” she begs, eyes dancing with childlike joy. He would gladly do it, he just didn’t want to look like a tourist. He freaking hated tourists.  

He mumbles something inaudible, which Jo takes as an opportunity to ask again. “Just one! Please Alex, just one picture!” she gives him her best puppy dog eyes, pointing up one finger to show him that she was true to her word.

“Fine.” he huffs, scratching the back of his neck and extending his palm, “Gimme your phone.”

His girlfriend gives him a confused look, “Um no, what do you think you’re doing?” she asks, furrowing her brows.  

Alex’s face twisted into one of incredulously, “Taking your picture?” he asks.

Jo shakes her head, “No, you’re taking the picture with me.”  

Alex grimaces, “Nuh-uh.” he hated taking pictures. His smile was weird and he felt like a gun was being pointed to his head whenever someone tried to correct the crookedness of his grin.

“Please Alex,” Jo pleads, giving him her best puppy dog eyes.

She could see the internal battle playing in his head. He normally wouldn’t mind taking a photo, but there were people around, and if there was one thing Alex Karev hated, it was public embarrassment.

But how could he resist her? He couldn’t, so with a huff and a ‘you’re lucky i love you’ mumbled under his breath he watches as Jo asks a random woman to take their photo. He wraps his arms around her, her fingers interlacing with his as she leans back into him, standing between his legs with her head against his chest.

“One, two, three, smile!” the woman says enthusiastically.

Before three, Alex quirks his lips up, reaching down slightly so he could speak in Jo’s ear. “Tourist.” he says, making her laugh right as the woman took the photo.

Jo feels her daughter's eyes on her, but she still looks at the photo. They looked so young, so free. Back then the only care was whether or not Meredith would be coming over to kick her out of bed that night. Fun times.

“I just want you to smile like that again.” Bree says quietly, Jo’s eyes snapping up with confusion.

“Sweetie…” she trails off, tucking a stand of her daughter’s long brown hair behind her ear, eyes shining with unshed tears. She picks up a photo from Bree’s dresser, holding it side by side to the picture of her and Alex.

“I smile like that all the time.” she grins, the same smile on her face now as it was in the two photographs in her hand.

Bree had never looked at it like that before. The two smiles were identical, you could tell when you held them next to each other. She grins widely, she makes her mom as happy as her dad did.  

The girl feels her mom wipe a stray tear, one she hadn't even noticed had escaped her eyes. JO wraps and arm around Bree, pulling her into a side hug, holding her there for as long as she pleases.

“How different do you think life would be if he was still here?” she asks her mom, eyes glossy and shining with love.

Jo chuckles, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “Well…” she starts off. It felt good talking about Alex. She had never talked about him like this before. She told stories, spewed little facts here and there, but never went into too much detail, fearing that it would hurt too much. Turns out, it actually felt really good.

“You would have siblings, that’s for sure.” Bree shoved her mom’s shoulder, a laugh escaping her lips. The mood grew more serious, “But, if he was still here…” she looks into the corner of the room, imagining the love of her life standing there right now, arms crossed in front of his chest, signature crooked grin plastered in his lips, a little child hanging onto his leg like a monkey.

“He would’ve braided your hair.” her eyes grow teary as she smiles softly. “And, he would’ve called you Princess.” she swallows the lump in her throat. “You two would always be getting into trouble together. God, you would’ve been such a daddy’s girl.” she doesn’t even bother to wipe a tear from her cheek, knowing that they would just keep coming. “There would be full cooked breakfasts on the table nearly every morning, since he would get up early just to make it. And he would say that you weren’t allowed to date until you were forty.” she laughs.

Bree looks up at her mom, confused. “But Mom, you do all that.”

Jo smiles, placing another kiss on the top of her head full of brown hair. “I know, and I do it because it’s what he would’ve done.” she wipes tears from her daughter's cheeks.

“But I want you to know that I love you, okay?” Jo reassures her. “I love you more than anything else in this world, you hear me? And even though your dad’s not here right now,” she points to her heart, water dripping down her cheeks rapidly, her voice squeaky and broken. “He’s right here, with me. Every second of every day. And I miss him, I will never stop missing him, but that doesn’t mean I will ever love you any less. And I am so happy baby. I am so, so happy, and that’s because of you, okay?”

Bree wipes at her eyes, smiling up at her mom. “Okay, I love you mom.”

Jo gives her a watery grin, placing a delicate kiss on her forehead, “I love you too Bree. So much.”

#jolex #jolex is endgame #alex karev #jo wilson #jo wilson karev #jo karev #greys anatomy fanfiction #jolex fic #jolex fanfiction #jolex fanfic #greys anatomy fanfic #jo x alex #alex x jo #au #greys abc #camilla luddington #justin chambers #screw 16x16 #jolex babies #fanfiction

[ziracona]

Ok so I don’t know how but it took you spelling out Phil and Vigo’s relationship and now it’s all I’ve been able to think about because?? The tragedy of it all??? And I was just wondering if you had any extra info about their relationship that you’d be willing to share? Cause honestly it sounds simultaneously so cute and so heart-wrenching and I am HERE for it. For real, every time I learn something new about the world of ILM I love it even more, thank you so much for that piece of perfection!

Oh absolutely!

I am very tempted to start posting the chunks of Signifying Nothing I already have but I am simultaneously like “But you know you’d have to update slower rn” and so I keep balking, especially since I am writing New Dawn Fades too rn :’-] — We shall see. Anway! I am sorry it took so long to answer this I had a massive project I only finally finished this afternoon (I’m dying), but I have been very excited abt this because I adore Vigo so much!

Ahhh Vigo and Philip. They really said “Sooo...enemies to lovers speedrun?” And then did so fast they claimed a new high score.

I am not sure what specifically you’d like to know about (feel free to ask specifics if there are some! :D ) so I am just gonna throw out some random facts.

Vigo is from Norway, in the 1910s-30s originally. Philip from Nigeria in the 1960s-1970s, then Wisocnsin in the early 80s, so while they’re both gay men, it was never safe for either of them to be out. They also lived in fairly isolated places and were the only people like themselves they knew. This lead to them, once they were already traveling together in the realm for other reasons, having the most awkward flirting style. You know that “Bro, it’s just a dream”—“*nervously* Yeah I’m not gay, I wouldn’t fuck you”—“...You wouldn’t? :’ (“ “...I mean, unless you wanted to.” Vine? Both of them trying to figure out if the other likes men and/or them. They both think they can be subtle. They can’t. Just the other one is so fucking paranoid and anxious about this whole sitch the net effect is the same.

They are both fools who follow their gut instincts irrationally, but this worked out really well for them because if they weren’t the both would have killed the other during their first two real interactions.

They are super in love. They were so in love that even after ILM, when Vigo is both dead and someone Philip can’t even remember, he is still in love with him so much that he’s going to spend the rest of his life with him, whether that means trying to find a way to the realm again and the void just in case, or simply living how Vigo died in the hopes he’d get to, and spending quiet days talking to his ghost.

Vigo’s original character goal and life purpose on Signifying Nothing is the take the Entity down/beat it and to save everyone in the realm. Philip’s original character goal is to simply be allowed to live an okay life where the violence stops and he neither hurts nor is hurt by others, and maybe is happy sometimes—he just wants to be a decent man. Vigo dies and fails to obtain his own goal utterly, and basically achieves the opposite, as does Philip. Extremely cruelly. In In Living Memory, or rather, In Living Memory itself, is a manuscript Vigo puts together as a husk in the void, memorializing the events in the realm, and fulfilling Philip’s goal for him—carving into reality the truth he is a decent man who just wanted to not hurt or be heart, and giving immportal remembered meaning to that. As well as recording his eventual happiness with his new family. It ends once Vigo’s goals are assured (Philip is really going to be both happy and alright), and his connection to them outside the realm is failing and he won’t be able to observe anymore. Similarly, Philip throws away his own goals and future, and completes Vigo’s character arc for him, sacrificing himself in Memento Mori to achieve Vigo’s goal—beating the Entity and saving everyone in the realm—for him in his stead. A grand fate far beyond what Philip would have picked for himself.

But in the end, they both achieve the others’ life goal for them, since they could not do it themselves, and in doing so, kind of fulfil their own. Philip gives up everything to fight and win, and in doing so, finds a happy life to go home to. Vigo records Philip’s journey and everyone else’s and in doing so becomes the direct inspiration and motivation for the eventual escape of everyone in the realm. So. In simple terms. In loving Philip, Vigo does find a way to save everyone after all. And in loving Vigo, Philip finds life as a good man who many days gets to be happy.

I am gonna go cry now.

Uhhhhh what else. I’m really tempted to kinkshame Vigo but I’m not gonna do it right now. I will say his dumb ass spent like a whole week with Philip, who was armed with his sickle and not pretending not to be a killer, just conpletely obliviously believing him to be a rando, because Vigo has a great mind but only if the focus setting is switched on and sadly he does not control the focus choices.

Philip is much taller than Vigo because he’s seven feet tall and Vigo is Norwegian so he keeps trying to convince me he’s “no no actually 5’12””, but I am 99% sure that’s a lie and he’s actually 5’9”.

Vigo is a terrifyingly good fighter. He conjours things out of the fog really well. His main item is a summonded like made from light drum because he came here trying to function as a noadi to help the people captured by an evil spirit. It looks like a shield bc of the size and shape, so most people assume it is, and that was kind of meant to be its purpose, but it gets used as an offensive weapon waaay more (I mean, he’s here to fight spiritual warfare what do you epect from the man?). Philip, who runs around with a scythe, like, the most death-lookin weapon of all, uses his sickle for primarily defense/as a shield. This makes them very funny to watch but also extremely formidable as a tag-team in battle.

Even though Norwegian is not a super affectionate langaube interestingly, and kind of the opposite, Vigo is a very quickly affectionate person by nature and is very liberal with the terms of endearment. This used to annoy Alex and Benedict, but like, in the way where a friend annoys you but you kind of don’t really hate it. Philip really liked it. Vigo used to call him Kjære a lot.

#ask #anonymous #signifying nothing (fic) #signifying nothing #in living memory (fic) #in living memory #dead by daylight #vigo dbd #dbd vigo #philip ojomo #the wraith

[khiphop-writings]

Promise

Boxer!Jay Park x ER Doctor! Reader

Warnings: Suggestive(?)(not really) lil bit of violence

Word count: 4k

“Okay” you finished gently rubbing the antiseptic and placed a bandage over the fresh stitches you had just done “now, rest and absolutely no physical contact for-” “Y/N you’re needed over here” your coworker interrupted you and you rolled your eyes “2 weeks, you can go over there to book a follow up” you gestured towards the reception desk “okay what’s happening now” you were at the sink washing your hands and prepping a fresh pair of gloves “I just need you to take that patient behind curtain number three I’m busy” Minho handed you the chart once you had your new gloves on and rushed away “let’s see” you opened the thick chart “geez this is huge how often does this person get hurt” you pulled back the cream curtains and you were met with the familiar tattooed man, this time a lip gushing with blood and a swollen eye “seriously??” you threw your arms up in frustration “this is what? The third time this week, the eighth time this month??” “wow are you keeping track of me?” he grinned but it quickly turned into a grimace cause of his lip injury “whatever you’re doing you need to stop this isn’t healthy” you scolded him “but then I wouldn’t get to see you” he reached towards you hand and you quickly dodged it and got your suture kit out “you don’t need to keep injuring yourself if you want to see me” you sighed and began cleaning his bottom lip, he winced when you applied pressure “of course I do, you refused to give me your number the first time” you shook your head “I work in an emergency room for a living, relationships don’t work with me” “then I’ll continue to get hurt these are our dates” you placed the needle through his lip without warning and jerked away from you “that’s cause you won’t shut up now hold still”. 

“So what exactly do you do” you asked mindlessly checking things off in your chart “do you want to see?” he put his jacket on and walked towards you “not really know if you end up looking like this” you used your pen to gesture towards him. “You should come one night I think you’d have fun” you finally met his eyes “well too bad I work every night, tending to idiots like you” you sarcastically frowned “come on you don’t work EVERY night” “and what if I do?” he knew you were lying “okay I don’t work Thursday’s” you sighed “that perfect!” a smile appeared on his face “be careful you’re gonna pop the stitches!” you hit him with his own chart “sorry sorry!” he held his hands up in defense “so give me your number and I’ll text you details” he handed his phone to you and you regretfully complied, entering your number. 

You walked over to the desk, rubbing your neck, it had been a long night. “That took you so long” Minho was sitting across from you in the receptionist seat you knew wasn’t his “Jay Park… again” you rolled your eyes “seriously that the third time I’ve seen him here” “I know he keeps insisting on seeing me”. You went through your charts to make sure everything was in order. “aw that’s kind of sweet, why don’t you go on a date with him?” you looked at him as if he was insane “the man is literally a masochist, who gets hurt like that all the time? an insane person” you answered your own question “Okay but you don’t know that maybe he does…” Minho couldn’t find a reasonable explanation for Jay’s frequent injuries “exactly… but I might’ve agreed to come see him at his work” you gave him an embarrassed look “oh no way… you def like him” he grinned “do not! I’m just curious” you stacked up your charts and began to walk away “yeah sure” Minho called but you just walked away smiling. 

You got out of your car and stared at the unfamiliar brick building, unsure if you should continue, you tried texting Jay but he was suddenly unresponsive. “I’m gonna get killed” you thought as you locked your phone and walked towards the building. You saw a lot of people standing around a table waving cash around, you checked your wallet and hoped you brought enough money, he didn’t tell you you had to pay. You walked up to the table and people were throwing names out along with cash and men were writing the names, counting cash and yelling at people, the whole atmosphere was chaotic. 

You stood around unsure of what to do, trying to find a way out “So who are you betting on?” a strange man asked next to you “bet?” your eyes widened and you looked at him in confusion he started laughing, too loud for your comfort “is this your first time?” “y-yeah” you felt embarrassed “what is this place? Jay never told me” you tried to look around for any clues but failed “Jay?” The man was seemingly in shock “Yeah Jay Park, he’s been coming to my hospital a lot, do you know him?” “of course everyone here knows him” “they do why-” “are you gonna bet or not” “I’ll do $100 on Jay for tonight” the man placed a stack of cash on the table “she won’t be betting tonight” he moved you guys away from the table. You started to walk through the dark hallway towards the main area “why are you betting on Jay?” he just stared at you with an incredulous look on his face“god you are in for such a shock” he ruffled your hair “I’m Hyukwoo by the way” “Y/N” you gave him a nod.

The two of you arrived to the main area and it all started to make sense, you looked around at the audience stands, the dark lighting and right smack dab in the middle, a huge boxing ring lit up by a few bright lights “no shit” you looked at the ring, running your fingers along the ropes. “Are you shocked?” Hyukwoo practically shouted at you, the room was too loud “kind of? But not really?? I don’t know it kind of explains the frequent injuries” you shrugged “what do you mean? Have you met him before?” “Yeah, who do you think stitches him up all the time” you scoffed. It was his turn for his eyes to become wide “no way you’re the cute doctor???” he shut his mouth quickly “the what???” you laughed “I’ve said too much, look they’re about to come out” he turned his head towards the ring and you followed suit. 

The announcer came out microphone in hand, it was all so cliche you couldn’t believe this stuff actually went down like this “tonight we have newcomer Alex” the announcer’s voice boomed and out came a really young looking kid however he looked fearless and scary, the crowd cheered loudly for him. He was shirtless with black boxer shorts on, and his hair in a man bun, one thing you did take note however he didn’t have any gloves on. Your stomach twisted, this was most definitely illegal, the bets, this sketchy looking place, no gloves which meant they could basically pummel each other to death “that explains the busted knuckles one time” your face twisted. “Next up we have, your favorite and mine Jay Park” the announcer stressed out the last syllable of his name for what felt like forever and the crowd roared, out came Jay hands wrapped up, shirtless, in white boxer shorts, hair draped over his face. Your heart began to speed up a little bit, you weren’t sure if it was because you thought he looked nice or if you were anxious about what’s to come. 

Jay started swinging as soon as the whistle blew, he missed the first couple but he finally landed one straight in Alex’s jaw, that knocked him back a bit but Alex started furiously throwing punches at him that he tried his best to dodge but Alex managed to get a few into his ribs. You were very noticeably at the edge of your seat, practically almost falling off, Hyukwoo chuckled and pulled you back “he’s doing great” he whispered in your ear and you finally breathed in what felt like forever. The match ended by Jay trapping his opponent between his legs and Alex had finally tapped out, you breathed a sigh of relief and stood up with the crowd to congratulate him. 

Hyukwoo helped lead you to the locker room and wait for Jay, when his eyes landed on you a shit eating grin formed on his face “wow I can’t believe you actually came” he tried to pull you into a hug but you unknowingly dodged it and began examining him, the doctor in you taking over. “And how’s your breathing I saw he punched you in your chest pretty hard, could you breath for me” you placed your hand on his muscular chest, eyebrows knit in concentration, he placed his hand over yours “hey you’re not working today so don’t worry about it alright?” he swiftly removed your hand from his chest and intertwined your fingers, you blushed, unfamiliar with this sudden touchy-feely behavior. “Let me just-” “no no no let’s go out to eat” he smiled dragging you to his car. 

A few minutes later you were sitting next to Jay, across from Hyukwoo enjoying some burgers “and he literally comes in all the time, even for probable concussions” you laughed explaining how often Jay frequents your hospital “well you can never be too safe” he rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment “yeah especially when the doctor is so cute” Hyukwoo raises his eyebrows suggestively “yeah that too” Jay coughs “who? Minho?” you try to hide the blush on your cheek and Jay just laughs. Hyukwoo had to leave early, leaving you and Jay alone, he leaned against your car before you could get in, “sooo” he looped his fingers through your belt loops, pulling you closer, your bodies practically touching “I would really like to see you again, minus Hyukwoo” he smirks. You look down playing with a rock under your shoe “I don’t know… I’m always working you won’t like it” you frowned “I work every night just like you” he argued “how about we let the day time be for us” he holds your chin to make you look at him “okay maybe we can go on one date” you smile.

The following Thursday you found yourself in the same booth as the last time except you were sitting across from Jay this time Hyukwoo nowhere to be found. “Sorry this is the only place that’s open this late” he mumbled “that’s okay I like this place” you gave him a warm smile that seemed to ease his nervousness. After that you fell into comfortable conversation, trying to get to know each other as best as possible. “And so what’s the grossest thing you’ve seen in the ER” you pretended to think for a minute “you” you teased and he threw his head back laughing “what? Sometimes you have nasty cuts” you laughed with him. “But seriously ummm” you paused “ooo okay so one time we had to pull an axe out of this man's stomach and then once we removed it he just didn’t stop bleeding so I had to-” you looked up and Jay looked a little sick, you chuckled “I’ll stop this is clearly too graphic for you” “sorry I just wasn’t expecting it” he sighed “no worries” you nodded and you guys fell silent. “Well so why do you box?” you rested your chin in your palm leaning into him “hm I don’t really know, it's good money, I’m good at it” he shrugged “it’s as nice way to get anger out” he gave you an unsure look “well I have a lot of anger maybe you should teach me one day” you raised your eyebrows playfully “maybe” he smiled.

After three more dates Jay wanted to make you his, officially, which you were hesitant about. Yeah you were falling for him but his career made you extremely anxious. You grew accustomed to the routine you two had created, seeing each other practically every day going on little dates and sometimes just spending the day at either of your guys apartments, Some nights when he had small cuts or bruises, he would show up at your door using it as an excuse to be able to spend the night even though you would have let him anyway. 

You even let Jay take you to his gym to teach you how to box. He strapped you in the protective gear, patting the padded helmet on your head and giving you a kiss on the nose. “Okay so you’re going to want to” he placed his leg in between yours, guiding your foot into a proper stance in front of the red punching bag “yeah stand just like that” then he wrapped his arms around yours lifting them up in front of your face you blushed slightly at the closeness. “okay now keep your elbow straight” his fingertips grazed your elbow and then he tapped lightly signaling you to throw the first punch, it wasn’t hard at all, he heard him hold back a laugh “ugh come on” you turned around hitting him lightly “okay okay let’s try again” he turned you around placing you back into the same stance. 

After a couple of missed punches you finally landed one straight on the punching bag “OH NICE” he shouted picking you up and shaking you “hey don’t congratulate me yet I want to be as good as you” you raised your gloved fist in his face turning back to throw more punches at the bag. “I see why you like this” you said between punches “although I usually just punch minho whenever I’m upset” “maybe we should get you your own” Jay laughed “or maybe I can just come here with you” you grinned “well then I would end up being too distracted by you” he wrapped his arms around you. 

In turn you met him at his apartment, medically prepared first aid kit in tow, you agreed to teach him how to treat his wounds. You were seated on his bathroom counter, Jay placed himself between your legs, you were teaching him each product and what order he would need to apply everything “Okay so this is called…” you held up the brown bottle “peroxide” he responded and you nodded with a smile. “I don’t see why we’re doing this I have you” he ran a finger down your thigh,“well sometimes I’m asleep when you show up I’d like to sleep a full night” you swatted his hand away and leaned forward wiping his cut with the peroxide. “Plus you asked me” you got defensive “maybe it was just so I could get you in this position” he wrapped your legs around his back and picked you up off the counter, he pressed a peck into your lips.

As quickly as things had happened, things fell apart just as quickly.

You tried to attend every match you could and you gave him a thorough check up whenever you could, it just made you so nervous even though he was undeniably good. You would never express to him your uneasiness, he loved boxing and you don’t expect him to stop it for you, that would be unfair but it just made you want to throw up sometimes. Every time someone bursted through the doors on a late night, your heart raced and you always had to check to make sure it wasn’t your boyfriend. 

“Good job” you clapped your hands lightly, you met Jay at your usual after match spot, he pulled you into his arms swinging you around “that was seriously one of my bests ugh that was great” he grinned widely “yeah you were really great out there” you patted down his sweaty hair “do you want to go to our usual place?” you asked as he grabbed his bag “of course” he took your hand in his “ugh wow I still can’t get over how great that-” Jay hunched over coughing a bit “are you alright” you rubbed his back “did anything come out when you coughed? A color-” “stop Y/N seriously stop” he moved away from you “do you have to baby me all the time? This shit happens it’s normal after getting a few hits” his words hit you like a truck “well excuse me for caring about you” you bit back tears “no- that’s not what I meant” he tried to grab your wrists but you pulled away “no I know exactly what you mean” you sighed walking away. 

You woke up and surprisingly found Jay next to you in your bed, you only remembered crying yourself to sleep, not him coming home with you. He placed a soft kiss on your shoulder but you moved away from his touch “Y/N please” he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you in close so you couldn't move away. “That was so stupid of me to say, I know you’re a doctor and its just instinct, I actually really do appreciate your care” you stayed silent so he could continue “I don’t know what came over me I was just all really excited about winning and I didn’t want to think about things that could drag the mood down” “are you saying I drag the mood down” you spat “no of course not, it’s just if something bad were to happen to me I didn’t want it to be in that moment.” You finally turned around to face him “I’ll try to hold back” you ran your hand up and down his muscular forearm “no please” he placed a kiss on your cheek “don’t” one on your other cheek “hold back” and finally a kiss on your lips “I really like not having to go to the hospital to see you and I get a free check up” he mumbled into your neck “now will you give me a check up doctor?” he gave you a smirk.

Things seemed to go downhill since that day. After another attempted check up a couple weeks later and him lashing out in the same way except you didn’t wake up next to him that morning. 

[To: Jay]: Hey… I’m sorry about last night can we meet up?

[From: Jay]: Sorry :( I have a huge match to prep for later this week

[To: Jay]: Oh… okay well if it’s on a night that I’m not working let me know so I can watch! :) 

[From: Jay]: Sure.

You went to work extremely distracted, constantly checking your phone for an update. When your phone locked and you were met with your reflection you finally heard Minho “Y/N did you hear what I said?” you looked up sheepishly “no sorry” “come on let’s go get some coffee”.

You hadn’t told him everything that happened just that you were currently in a “weird spot”, he knew there was more to it but he didn't want to push you. “Okay I’m taking your phone for the rest of the night” he pried it out of your clutch “you’re a doctor focus” he nudged your arm. 

“How are you and Jay doing?” Minho asked one day while you two were trying to rest in the on call room “umm” you trailed off. “I actually haven’t seen him in a while” your voice was quiet “really? What happened?” he rolled over to face you “I guess I’m too pushy, the doctor in me always wants to check up on him and we talked about and I thought we got over it but I guess not” you frowned “He can’t date a doctor and not expect that to happen” Minho scoffed “he says it ruins the mood” “oh Y/N I’m so sorry” he opened up his blanket and you squeezed into the twin bed with him, he rubbed your arm “I’m sure things will get better soon” he whispered.

You hadn’t seen Jay for about a week after that, his texts were short and he never told you when his matches were. It was impossible to get a hold of him and it was very much distracting you at work. It wasn’t until you started to cut a patient's circulation off with a blood pressure monitor minho decided enough was enough.

-Minho Pov-

“Hi is this Jay?” he tried to say as sternly as possible, gathering up all his courage. “No he’s training right now but I can take a message?” a man said from the other end “Well I don’t know if you know who Y/N is but he’s completely cut her off and it’s affecting her heavy, I need him to figure his shit out and talk to her” there was a moment of silence until the other man spoke up “wow I had no idea… I’ll talk to him for sure thank you” minho nodded even though he couldn’t be seen and hung up.

It was a very quiet night in the ER you were tending to your last patients when suddenly the EMT’s burst through the doors rushing past you with a gurney “I've got an unconscious male, seems to have taken multiple hits, Y/N I need your help on this” on of the EMT says as he placed the gurney behind a curtain, pulling out an ambu bag. This type of thing was normal for you, you were always calm in these situations, that was until you actually saw the unconscious man, you clipboard clattered to the floor and your ears began to ring, you felt dizzy, hoped, prayed it was a dream. “Y/N please pump his chest” the EMT placed the ambu bag on Minsik’s face and waited for you to get beside him. Your body moved unconsciously doing the actions it’s known to do by heart, that was all you could do, in your head you were screaming at him trying to tell him how stupid he was. Tears began to fall down your face and you began to pump his chest harder “I can’t…. we can’t lose him” you strained out “we’re not going to” minho stroked your hair, you had no idea when he had gotten there “keep going you’re doing great” he was frantically checking Jay’s pulse for any sign. Your hands hurt from pumping so much and your vision was blurry, you were so tired, you wanted this to end “I’m feeling something keep going Y/N” Minho perked up keeping his thumb on Jay’s wrist. You pushed yourself to keep going no matter how much it hurt “come on you idiot don’t leave me please” a second wave of tears began to flood “please please” at this point you weren’t sure if your pumping was hurting or helping him. Five minutes felt like eternity, five minutes had passed and that’s when Jay finally jerked up taking a deep breath, for some reason you were still pumping until Minho took your shaking hands in his pulling you to his chest “He’s alright look, he’s gonna make it” he whispered into your ear but you just continued to sob until your tears ran out. 

The next time you saw Jay you felt like punching him straight in the face, however when you looked at the man all hooked up to the machines and in a hospital gown you grew extremely sad. You immediately ran to his side wrapping him in your arms, last night you thought you wouldn’t be able to feel this again “you’re an idiot you’re such a fucking idiot” you sobbed loudly  into his chest “I know, I know” he whispered caressing your head.

A/N: Hi! how is everyone! I hope you guys liked this, please note I really know nothing about the medical field this is just me w my research lol. Requests are open please let me know what you think about this!

#jay park x reader #jay park scenarios #jay park au #jay park fanfic #khh scenarios

[buddha-in-disguise]

I have so much to unpack from last night's Supergirl episode. Since it ends at 3am UK time, I often tweet a little before I finally fall asleep. But it is now midday, so here goes on further thoughts on it all. I know this is going to be pretty rambling but I hope it makes sense.

First. Up until this half of the season, not only did Supergirl consistently trend in the UK, so did other words associated with it, most notably Kara and Lena.

Since 5B began, the trending has failed to materialise in the UK. The hiatus of two those blocks almost immediately on top of each other hasn't helped, but it is still a salient point.

Now for the rest. I'm not even sure where to start, but I will try my best.

The opening scenes in the bar.

No Nia. No Kelly. Where were they? Nothing was even mentioned. It wouldn't have taken much to have Alex say if Kelly was working, or running late. Anything. Hell, they had Kelly/Dansen and Nia meet up in a bar scenario in 5A. Why suddenly are they not there? They wouldn't necessarily need dialogue (I mean, Kelly has barely had any since Crisis anyway, so what's new?)

Yet in walks William and suddenly Alex is teasing Kara about inviting him. Winn is also there saying, hey it's okay. You barely know the guy, you had a shitty relationship beforehand, but go ahead, date the dude.

We had a prime opportunity for the Danver sisters to do karaoke together. Instead it was with William. At the expense of sister time (so many would’ve loved the sisters singing together).

So much here is wrong for me as a viewer.

If you have a show about female empowerment, yet the lead of that show is having to be told by others that dating a guy she has barely shared any positive moments with, let alone any romantic feelings for beyond a really awkward moment the episode before; that is not empowering a woman.

All too often Supergirl (as the lead in the show) is looking at dating, but not being capable of making her own romantic choices without the interference from others around her.

The only one I can think of who didn't need that was S1 James and to some degree Adam. Kara showed interest, but ultimately made the decisions on her own. Kara also recognised that with Winn, they were better off as friends. Yet S2 began and inexplicably Kara and James had broken up, and the need for Kara to get told to go for it by others began.

Mon-El was extremely problematic. As is William. Both were allowed to lie, to treat women like garbage at times with immunity. Yet here is another double standard. Kara and the Superfriends lied to Lena for 3 years, yet Lena is a bad person for reacting. I will repeat what has been said I don't know how often about Lena's reaction. It isn't without issue in how she is dealing with it. She isn't evil, but she has handled it badly. Her own emotional trauma, that was partly unpacked in 5A helps though explain why she behaved as she has.Yet, Mon-El faced no consequences for his actions. William can be a complete nightmare in how he treated Kara in 5A, but all is suddenly forgotten about or forgiven because of the reset? That is a cop out if ever there was one.

This hypocrisy is what annoys me the most, and frankly it is misogynistic all too often.

I actually pity any woman who believes it is okay for a man to behave as many do towards Kara. The message it sends is awful. I know the men in my family would be horrified by the actions of these love interests. I know of some men watching the show who feel the same way.

As for Lena and Kara. The trauma both have faced has shaped them. Yet Kara appears unaffected by losing her world a second time when Earth 38 was destroyed. On losing Argo. Sure they got it back, but as a changed merged World. You expect us to believe having to watch an antimatter wave destroy those you love has no effect? That being trapped for months with only the other paragons and Lex didn't cause trauma, even with a positive outcome. That seeing Krypton destroyed the first time wasn’t traumatic enough. That’s not something that just goes away. Add in losing Jeremiah, losing Astra (again), the trauma Supergirl must face when she can’t rescue everyone, that has a lifelong impact.

Lena has shown her emotional trauma has also been lifelong, albeit in a different way. To dismiss the emotional abuse Lena has suffered to attack her actions now is pitiful. Winn even suggests to Kara, that in the future, Lena does come through this, and isn't evil personified some want to make her out to be.

Yet Mon-El gets excused, William gets excused. Ugh. I’m sick of the double standard.

So, let’s unpack this further. Kelly Olsen was in the military. She wasn't just trained, but had an active role in the army. She recounted an event at a checkpoint where she was serving in S4. So she had active service, and it was in that moment when Kelly decided she wanted to help others more.

Kelly also knows the stress of keeping an important part of your life secret. She then also fell in love with a woman, someone who was her Sergeant, who was then killed on patrol (another reason we know Kelly was on active duty). It devastated Kelly who hadn't even told James of her relationship.

Later, upon completing her service, Kelly became a psychologist specialising in trauma.

Nia is also someone facing problems. Not only did her becoming Dreamer lead to discord with her sister, as well as the tragic loss of her mother, she has problems with Brainy. Nia offered to be there for Kelly when she was upset over watching Alex get hurt, but we saw nothing to suggest they had a heart to heart. Azie posted something that suggested they filmed a scene that did this, but it never made it on the final edit. Instead, once again we had William taking screen time.

So anyway, the point of all this is: guess who is placed to actively help Lena and/or Kara with the problems?

Kelly. Who apparently doesn't know Kara is Supergirl yet. So while Kara wonders if she should tell William, she could have the exact same conversations with Alex, only substitute Kelly for William. Overall, the plot could easily be maintained, and the established cast get good solid and plausible screen time. She could even talk to Nia about it, yet doesn't.

Another thing I find hard to understand is why haven't they used the link of Kelly, working at Obsidian North, where they could establish the Leviathan link.

If Lex has made the connection to Leviathan, you are telling me, even without Brainy helping them, Alex, Nia, J'onn and Kara haven't made the same connection? C'mon. Two investigative journalists, one who has won the Pulitzer, two DEO trained agents, and if Kelly was brought in, someone military trained; aren't able to make the connections? J'onn has all those computer banks in the tower, and while none of them are Brainy or Winn, he can't use said computing power? Why bother having it, if they are only props in the background. They could even ask Lena to help, since she has shown willingness to work with them if the reasoning was good enough. Leviathan is someone she knows (after all, Lena could have her memories returned by J’onn too). She knows the danger Leviathan poses. She could use the leverage to still get the lens from Obsidian in a similar way to now, but through Kelly if needed.

Actually, if they are using the tower, how does J’onn afford to pay for all this? I can only assume being as old as he is, he made some great investments over time, allowing him to be independently wealthy? But again nothing really suggests this.

Oh as for Alex leaving the DEO, great. After all, she was the Director but hasn’t been able to lead the DEO in all that time. Let alone some of the morally grey areas the DEO skirted around all too often. Still, where will she get her income from? Does she get paid as part of J’onn’s PI firm? Kara barely makes rent and food costs (at least she says her apartment is rent controlled so wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise), so no way can she afford to help Alex out financially. Kelly might be able to support her, but again I cannot imagine it would be sustainable.

I feel like banging my head against a brick wall.

Onto Nia. I've said this a few times now, but here I go again. Back to William. I get the reason he came along in regards to Russell and so the Andrea connection. That story made sense. What hasn't made sense - William being used as a journalist, when Nia is right there! Nia has barely had any screen time, and virtually none as a journalist; you know - her actual job. I'm not sure what the minutes on screen ratio has been this season between the two, but it has felt completely slanted towards William as a viewer.

Instead of Kara and Nia investigating Leviathan after William was 'exposed' in 5A, now Nia is sidelined again, because they want Kara to team up with William to investigate Lex. Why do they need that journalistic pairing of William and Kara, when Nia - who as a Superhero, is better placed if danger from Lex occurs. But no, they're making it about Kara having to work with William because Lex threatened to kill him. Plus Nia was being mentored by Kara. Is she no longer being mentored by Kara? Are they a team? Even if the mentoring has ended, Nia is still not being utilised as a journalist. As the saying goes, make it make sense!

As for Lex. I love Jon Cryer. I’ve loved his version of Lex, but once again I feel Lena is just as well placed to take on his role in bringing down Leviathan. Why add another villain to this plot? We were told it was Leviathan who were the bad guys for this season, but once again we barely have a glimpse of them, but all the screen time on Lex, also to the detriment of Lena. We could be using this time to begin to mend Lena’s relationships with not only Kara, but the Superfriends. Instead we are getting bit and pieces, that seemingly bear little resemblance to the ‘fight for Lena’s soul’, or the ‘Stronger together, weaker apart’ tag lines the SG team used to market the series in 5A. (See attached photo). So again, this is frustrating for us to watch, as there is absolutely no cohesion to the storytelling. We know it is the ‘nothing is as it seems’ season, but to have no really coherent storylines so far this late on? It is baffling for me.

The sidelining of Nia and Kelly also brings to the fore the way the LGBTQ characters are being treated.

Dansen feels like a long lost legend from the mists of time. As I said earlier, there was a perfect opportunity for a Dansen scene in the opening part of the show, yet we might as well watch tumbleweeds fly past, for all the screen time Dansen or Nia have had. Well, rather haven’t had.

It seems we shouldn't ask for justification as to why William is on the show, but when we say the LGBTQ characters are being sidelined, that it doesn't matter one jot how diverse a cast can be; if said cast are not being given credible storylines or screentime, and if we say as much, we have to continually justify why that is the case. We get told to take what we are given. To insist on better, is oppressing white CIS men (in some cases CIS women have argued the same). This isn't oppressing anyone, but asking that if we get given relationships, given characters we want to invest in, they get the storylines to accomplish that. Supergirl is failing the LGBTQ audience so badly at the moment. So many have the same complaints it is ludicrous to suggest this is just one section of a fandom or trolls.

What I'm taking from all this at the moment is that 20% of the main viewing demographic as per GLAAD figures (and more besides, as I've seen straight viewers recognising the problems as well), have serious concerns with Supergirl.

But keep telling us we are overreacting. Or we should take what we are given. Or that we are delusional. After all, it is the kind of crap we have sprouted at us continually away from Supergirl, why shouldn't it be the case here.

I look at S4, heck even 5A, to what the show is doing now and it feels like an unmitigated disaster. Episodes are running out fast, so even if they increase Dansen, or Nia's screen time, it won't be enough to make up what has been lost. They're running out of time to give us a solid ending that ties up the mess they've created.

I really don’t know where this will end? CW Supergirl - do better. You have some phenomenal actors and actresses in your cast. Do them and your audience justice. Because right now you aren’t at all.

#lgbtq #supergirl #supercorp #azie tesfai #chyler leigh #gay #nicole maines #alexdanvers #alex danvers #kellyolsen #kelly olsen #nia nal #dreamer #superhero #dansen