#uni or any responsibilities really. makes me panic and anxious as fuck

[eledhrim]

based on having only had mental breakdowns since starting uni idk what the hell people were talking about when they said uni was the best time of their life

#maybe they just weren’t depressed. probably that #also there’s a lot of additional *gestures vaguely* shit going on in my head #which makes everything more complicated. also covid. just a general not a good time to start anything new time #i was off uni my first year and now i’m slowly starting it from the beginning basically since i never really did that in the first place #i have the orientation course going on meant for first years and the deadline for that is tomorrow. have i done shit. nah #i emailed the teacher like lol im still on sick leave and my brain is shit can i has mercy. and were gonna have some kind of meeting #later this week #to discuss idk what. she asked if i knew how much time i needed and i just thought man. man #i’m having trouble staying awake and also remembering to eat do u think watching some lectures and writing essays about them #is very high on my to do list #man #i want to try to get back to things but god my head is so messy and just thinking about shit like #uni or any responsibilities really. makes me panic and anxious as fuck #also i’ve been having a lot of trouble with anxiety lately which is fun bc my meds used to help with that but nevermind then! how fun #just take me out. shoot me straight in the noggin. or on a date whichever #laila babblin

[wevegottogetaway]

Crashing into you

Sooo, I have no idea where this concept came from but here is you and Harry surviving a plane crash only to find yourselves stranded on an island (featuring best friends to lovers and who knows what else). There is more to come after this part, I’m just really busy with uni at the moment, so smaller pieces at the time it is. Please leave some feedback if you have any, or tell me what you would like to see happen in future parts! Happy reading xx

It wasn’t supposed to happened.

None of it was. Not the birds. Not the fire. Not the nose-dive.

And you weren’t supposed to be there either. Weren’t supposed to find yourselves floating 35,000 feet over endless stretches of sea when it happened. Not you and certainly not Harry whose presence was only the result of his boundless generosity.

It was a last minute trip on your part, an emergency response to the calling of a friend back in London; they’d gotten hospitalized and you were their emergency contact, pretty simple maths. Your assistance was irremissible and since it was cutting your time short with Harry, he didn’t hesitate before offering both his support and an express flight aboard some kind of private jet. None of you knew it at the time, but that decision turned out to be a twisted expression of serendipity, a very sick jock that the universe wasn’t supposed to make.

Except it did happened and there was no escaping the cataclysm that ensued.

                                                        ***

The cabin of the small plane is plunged in peaceful silence, the deep whir of its engines and the soft snores wafting through Harry’s nose the only white noises filling the space. There is no fussing toddler, no businessman talking loudly on the phone, no arguing couple; just you and Harry, one flight attendant and two pilots. Everything around you looks pristine and expensive, from the champagne you were offered but declined at the beginning of the flight, to the refined suede upholstery covering all the seats.

You’re not used to the luxury, and frankly, neither is Harry.

He doesn’t use private planes very often, doesn’t think it makes much sense to waste all that toxic kerosene when commercial flights do the job perfectly, and doesn't like how they make him feel like the diva some people mistakenly make him out to be. But for you he’d bend the rules. For you he’d bend over and backwards to assuage any of your pains and worries. You had been so on edge when you told him about your friend, so desperate to be there for them,  he had just wanted to be there for you in turn.

That’s why the two of you hopped in this small aircraft nearly four hours ago, with his hand drawing comforting shapes on your back. Now, you find yourself absentmindedly nipping at your nails, overthinking ever possible scenario that could unfold once you land and find your friend. In deep conversation with your conscience, you’ve been looking out the small window to your right, as if any of the two blue immensities painting the horizon knew all the secrets that you needed. They don’t; if anything, they bring their own mysteries to an already confusing world.

The atmosphere inside the plane is so inert, it feels like someone pressed the pause button. The flight attendant has remained quietly by her station, waiting for any signal that would indicate her presence required, and the pilots haven’t piped a word since their polite ‘have a lovely flight,’ when you first boarded the plane. The little company wouldn’t bother you so much, if Harry hadn’t fallen asleep thirty minutes in, leaving you to your own devices. You figure you can’t be too grumpy about it though, he did just rent a plane for your sake after all. Plus, his unconscious state has allowed you to ogle his sleepy figure for hours without being noticed, a treat you’re rarely privy to on top of being a nice distraction from your current troublesome thoughts.

Three years. Three years you’ve been a very dedicated friend to him and he to you. Three years of holding each other’s hand through any hardships and laughing till you’re blue in the face; three years of always supporting each other in your craziest undertakings and inspiring each other to be the best version of yourselves. You two are an indestructible pair and your friendship is the purest, most sacred thing you were given in this world.

Except, it’s also been three years of mind-boggling and consuming feelings that can’t be quelled and have no limits. Three years of secret glances when he’s too focused on something else to notice. Three years of talking yourself down from those feeling, but to no avail; they keep coming back full force and with a vengeance. It quickly became a full time job really, an art you mastered over time. At first because he was happily in a relationship, so there was no speculating whether your affections could be returned. Then once that ended, you were already so wired to ignore the skip of your heartbeats when he looks at you tenderly, or the soft and sometimes borderline ambiguous cuddles he gives you when he’s had one too many Margaritas; that the fantasy of him loving you the way you do was just unfathomable, you never even considered speaking up about it.

But these were your three years, not his.

You let out a deep sigh, as your musings once again circle back to your unrequited love. You wish you had more control over them, could limit them to sleepy fabulation sweetening your mind right before you surrender to unconsciousness. But alas, them come and go as they please, slip into your mind at any inopportune time, often betraying you by pigmenting your cheeks in cerise-colored bashfulness. Even now, in the stillness of the pressurized cabin, as your eyes settle back on his slouched form in the seat opposite yours, your skin can’t help but heat up in fondness.

Before you can get too lost in the soft eyelashes caressing his cheekbones, or the cupid bow shaping his pink supple lips, or the way a few of his mischievous curls are dandling in front of his face, slightly fluttering at each soft puff coming out of his mouth…yeah, before you get too lost in all that, you reach for the small bottle of water sitting on a small table.

You barely have the cap unscrewed before a massive tremor shakes the whole aircraft, spilling half of the bottle’s content on your lap. Your hand immediately white knuckles the armrest of your seat, your eyes widening in fear and frantically scoping the cabin for the flight attendant or anyone that could tell you what the hell is going on. Then the panic pumping through your veins prompts you to check on Harry and wake him back to alertness, but to your relief, he’s already groggily shaking the slumber from his limbs with a deep frown on his face. "Wha’s goin’ on?"

If dread wasn’t firing each of your nerve-endings, you’d find his grumpy look and slurred speech quite adorable, but the sight of the frazzled-looking stewardess coming towards you is sending a different kind of chills down your spine. These people are trained to maintain composure in all circumstances, so her trepidation can only mean one of two things: she’s either very new at her job or there is clearly a cause for concern.

"You two need to fasten your seat belts immediately," she speaks hurriedly.

"Sophia, what’s going on?" Harry reiterates his question with more alarm.

"We’ve collided with a flock of birds. We don’t know the extent of the damage yet, so I need you two to buckle in."

You and Harry share a worried look then, still confused about the situation. The plane has regain some semblance of stability, it seems, but Sophia’s anxious behavior doesn’t sooth your nerves one bit. She makes a quick exit back toward the cockpit, probably to discuss the ordeal further with the pilots. You gulp your uneasiness away, fidgeting on your seat as your hands blindly feel around for the safety belt, but the image greeting your eyes as they veer back to the window has your heart dropping to your knees.

Lambent orange and red flaring from the engines and lapping at the wing. Black smoke leaving an angry trail behind the plane and fogging up the windows.

"Harry," you barely manage to breath his name out and the urgency of your tone has him straighten up in his seat. "Harry the wing is on fire." You twist your head back towards him only to find him jumping from his seat to plop down next to you. The absolute gleam of terror swimming in your eyes makes his blood turn cold, so he quickly takes your hand in both of his before glancing at the carnage taking place outside. He gulps in apprehension before buckling his seatbelt and checking that yours is clasped in as well.

"Fuck, okay, it’s okay, love. Everything’s gonna be okay." It’s more prayers than reassurances tumbling out of his mouth, squeezing at your hand in plea, and a couple seconds after his utterance the tremors resume with greater intensity. You both can feel the aircraft slanting downward as everything around you start shaking as though you were caught in an earthquake. Except, you couldn’t be further from earth at the moment, and the shaking is not going to just pass after a while.

Objects start falling and rolling down all over, the tray of complimentary drinks tumbling down from the back of the plane to crash at the front. You and Harry are wrapped up in a protective embrace, tucking your faces in each others neck to avoid impact and because you’re both too afraid to look at the unfurling chaos. You can feel your seatbelt straining against your lower belly in a dire attempt to keep you in one place, but as the plane starts plummeting for good, top becomes bottom, right becomes left, and your bodies become masses thrown around at the hands of gravity just like everything else.

The last thing you hear before everything goes south is a defeated ‘brace for impact’ coming from the small intercom of the cabin. You feel the brutal shock of the plane hitting smooth surface if it weren’t for the speed of the collision, and then it’s just water.

Water everywhere. Water enveloping your body in a frigid clutch, water weighing you down as it imbibes every fiber of your clothes, water invading your retinas and blurring your vision. Water seeping through your mouth, pouring into your lungs when you feel the skin at your shin torn by sharp metal.

You vaguely hear your name being shouted, but the shortage of oxygen in your system makes you feel delirious. At this point you barely have enough energy to fight unconsciousness, much less the threat of your crumbling surroundings. That’s how you don’t feel the hand grasping at your shoulder and hosting you up on a floating piece of broken wing. Harry is holding onto it for dear life as well, muttering more prayers and encouraging words for you to please stay with him but soon you are both overthrown by your unconscious, slowly drifting away on the makeshift buoy.

                                                        ***

When Harry regains consciousness, the first things he feels is hard grounds underneath him. His ears are ringing, his throat is sore and his mouth feels dry, not to mention the splitting headache jackhammering at his skull. Groaning and frowning at the pain, that’s when he realizes that the ground against the skin of his cheek isn’t completely hard, but rather granular at the touch. Slowly, he brings his hands higher near his face and flattens them to hoist himself up. Once on his knees, he finally blinks his eyes opened, squinting at the blinding luminosity of the sun. And then it’s just sand.

Sand everywhere. Sand stretching miles into the distance. Sand itching at the joints of his fingers, sand creeping inside his shoes and clothes, sand weaving through his hair. Sand obnoxiously lingering on his lips, and as he tries to brush it off with the back of his hand, he has to spit some out of his mouth after realizing that said hand is also covered in it.

How did he find himself stranded on a freaking island? How did this happen? How could he be one minute safely by your sides, helping you through a tough situation, and then the next, thrown into the deep end - quite literally - scrambling for his life because some dumb birds decided to crash in the engine of the plane? Why him, why-

It’s a jolt to his brain then, an electric shock firing his body up to a standing position when the thought of you clashes in his mind. His breathing picks up considerably as he recalls the last time he saw you, passed out on the broken part of the wrecked airplane. He’d passed out soon after you as well, but what had happened since then? Had you find your way on this desolate beach as well? Or had your unconscious body slipped back into the water and sank all the way to the ocean floor until you reached that hidden museum of all the things and beings that fell victim to the sea?

Harry shudders at the thought. No. He’s not loosing you, now or ever, he convinces himself as he frantically jogs along the beach. Not when he never got his chance. His heart is lodged in his throat and threatening to escape at every passing second. Not when he still has unfinished, or rather, un-commenced business with you. Sweat drips down his face in searing droplet, a faint sting above his left eye barely registering in his frantic mind. Not before you know his last secret. His breathing is starting to get scarce until finally, finally his blurry eyes fall upon a figure stretched out on the sand, waves still licking at their feet. His job turns into a sprint as he begs for them to be you and for you to still be alive, desperate cries of your name echoing in the wilderness. "Please be okay, please be okay, fuck I need y-"

His relief is short lived once he takes in your passed out form, the blueish hue of your lips and the very lack of movement of your chest, twisting his guts in a painful knot. Harry abruptly falls to his knees next to you and brings his ear to your body hoping for any indication that you are still breathing. He fights the onslaught of hyperventilation that threatens to take over his body when he finds none and quickly checks your pulse at your carotid. His eyes pinch in brief respite: it’s faint but it’s there.

His brain almost goes into overdrive as he tries to recall everything he knows about CPR before his hands instinctively start pressing at your chest as though they already know what to do. It gives him time to absorb all the composure he can muster and think more clearly. He’s got to keep your heart going, that much he knows, and if you’re not breathing, it’s probably because you’ve got water in your lungs. Upon the realization he briefly stops the cardiac massage to pinch your nose and blow as much air as he can into your mouth.

For the next couple of minutes he does just that, alternating between insufflating oxygen through your mouth and pressing at your heart. His own breaks every time he pulls away from your lips and they still don’t pink back up to their usual lovely cherry color. Tears roll down his face in a constant flow, forcing him to wipe his face against the material of his shirt at his shoulder; there is no way in hell he is stopping his action for even a fraction of a second. He’ll die trying to save you before you die on him, and then he’d kick you ass from heaven down to hell for even thinking of leaving him behind.

All of a sudden you start coughing wet sounds from your throat, your body jolting from its spot on the sand. Harry’s never been so happy to hear someone choke (on water, that is) and as you turn your body sideways to let out all the excess of water clogging your chest, he closes his eyes and tilts his head back towards the sky in gratitude. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he whispers out in relief, before regaining his breathing and focusing back on you. He draws soothing circle against your back as you cough the last bit of water out of your mouth, pushing your hair out of your face to give you space to breath. Lord knows you need it.

"It’s okay, pet. You’re okay, you’re alive. Fuck you’re alive, I can’t- please don’t ever do that to me ever again, you hear me?" He rambles at you as he cups your face with two trembling hands. He is in shamble in front of you, the high he was caught up in, in his order to save you finally dissolving and leaving only but shock and despair in its aftermath. You’d come this close to die in his arms, you both realize. This close from your life being highjacked from his in the middle of nowhere and the thought turns your blood even colder than it already is.

"‘kay, m’okay, Harry. We’re both okay," you reassure him too, and just hearing the sound of your hoarse voice is enough to calm him some. He brings you in a bear hug, tucking your face underneath his chin and draping is other arm over your back. You don’t hesitate before you return his embrace by wrapping your arms around his waist.

For a hot minute you remain intertwined in silence as you breath each other in and revel in the fact that you both survived the crash. Once your heartbeats have lowered down to healthier levels, you slightly part from each other and your eyes glisten as you lock them with his. "You saved my life, Harry," you whisper out to him with a tender caress at his cheeks, trying to ignore the small cut at his brow bone. "I just- thank you, thank you so much."

He answers with a small shake of his head, "don’t thank me, pet. I can’t imagine what I woulda done if y- if I couldn’t-" he struggles to let the words out and his face turns into a grimace at their implication. "M’just so relieved you’re alive, I’m the one thankful for that if anythin’," he ends up saying against the palm of your hand before leaving a small peck there.

As you move to stand up, you feel a sharp sting at your shin as soon as you apply pressure on your right leg. Looking down, you spot a gash at the skin, it’s not too profound that you won’t be able to walk, but it definitely needs tending to if you don’t want it to get infected. You let out a quiet ‘fuck’ in frustration before catching the look of concern of Harry’s face. "It’s fine," you brush it off, "just gonna need to clean it out. That cut on your face as well," you motion at his injury and he brings his hand up to feel out the cut in confusion. He hadn’t noticed the small wound, you realize. "Right, yeah," he answers after inspecting the patch of blood coating his fingers now.

Now that the shock of the situation is slowly dissipating and that reality is setting in, you both start thinking about the next course of action. You’re both alive and relatively unscathed, but now what? How do you get out form this place? Where even is this place? And how do you go home? It becomes increasingly obvious that you don’t have much resources and that you need some sort of plan if you want to survive.

"What about Sophia and the pilots? Do you know what happened to them?" you suddenly remember the rest of the crew. Perhaps they know more about how to proceed in such a situation. They might even know where you’re located, how far you are from home and what’s the procedure to ensure everyone’s survival and rescue.

"I dunno, love. Didn’t see them when we were in the water, I think they might have been on the other side of the plane," the somber look on his face betrays his pessimism as to their fate. They would be on the beach as well if they had survived. As the same reasoning courses through your mind, you look down in sadness at the vicious image of them struggling in the water before succumbing to the fatigue. Harry notices your pained expression and brings you back against his frame to leave a small comforting kiss at your hairline.

"Alright, it’s gonna be fine," you declare in pretend confidence. "People will start looking for us, right?" you try to make light of the conversation. "Hell, there’s probably going to be a whole unit created to find you as soon as we don’t show up in London and I’m sure they’ll find us fast." Hope is emulating in your belly where water had previously drown your vigor. You’re probably right; surely, if the one and only Harry Styles disappears in the middle of a plane crash, the response will be worthy of the man.  

He doesn’t seem to quite share the sentiment however, if the small frown and nervous nipping at his lips suggest anything. "Love, I- Jeff’s the only one who knows we were going back to England. He might not notice right away." It’s his own fear talking, the idea that it might take more than a day for people to notice their unsettling absence.

On a normal schedule, him and Jeff would be in constant contact, sharing details for the next day’s agenda, planning tours, interviews, promotions and pitching in ideas for new projects, but be that as it may, Harry was currently on vacation. He’d taken a couple weeks off to relieve the pressure from the last busy months and catch up on some much needed time with you, and Jeff knew that meant a little less consistent contact for this break to be as rejuvenating as expected. Would he think much of the absence of texts from his friend? At some point definitely, but how long would it take for concern to replace dismissal?

Talk about rejuvenation.

"What about the plane company?" you ask, not ready to see your hopes dwindle down.

He seems surprised at the thought for a second before the anxious lines on his face smooth out some, iridescent eyes locking with your own in renewed faith. "You’re right, Jeff was the one who made the booking, so the company will have to contact him once they know about the crash." You let your lips quirk into a soft smile at his optimism before he adds, "we just have to survive until then."

"Right," you dial back on the heart-talking and dares your brain to recall any tips about survival behavior you’ve ever heard. "So we need find water asap and to make a fire before the night falls." You know water should be your priority, you have three days before you die of dehydration, maybe even less under this blazing sun. And despite behind surrounded by water, you know that the sea can’t help you with that. It’s quite ironic in a sense, you find yourself trapped by water, yet the biggest threat to you in that instance is the lack of water consumption. As for the fire, you also know temperature can drop very low at night in places like this and since you don’t have anything to bundle yourselves in, hypothermia is your second biggest threat.

Harry nods in approval before looking around. The beach is enclosed between the sea and endless stretch of luxuriant green tropical jungle. "Come on then, we should try and see if anything from the plane made it out on the beach. I think I saw some pieces earlier, maybe we’ll find something to store water." You think it’s a brilliant idea since you will need some kind of container should you be successful in your quest for water. And with that, you both start walking back towards the edge of the shore, Harry’s hand holding tightly to your shoulder keeping you close to him.

➪ Masterlist

#harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #best friends to lovers #reader insert #creative writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles ou

[writingsofmyimagination]

28 Days

This is part of the KSmutClub Monster Smash Project - Prompt Werewolf

Jimin X Reader Werewolf AU (Tiny bit of Jungkook x Reader)

Summary: A late night run leaves you coming down with something. A Cheating Boyfriend. Whole new world opens up to you which has been under your nose the whole time. Everything within you heightens.

Words:10387

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, SMUT OFC! (Slight BDSM themes, Switch Jimin)

Hope you enjoy :) I had soo much fun writing this! Have some potential ideas for a part two so let me know what ya’ll think :P.

Day 1

Eyes wide, heart racing. Sweat began forming a thin layer on your skin; you were freezing.

The contradicting temperatures of your body refused to settle. Swallowing was uncomfortable with how dry your throat was; you peered over at the silhouette of your sleeping boyfriend held there in exhaustion as you slowly left the warmth and comfort of the bed

Thank god I didn’t wake him

The gem had answered your panic stricken phone call earlier that evening after a dog big enough to be a wolf had chased you while on your evening run. The noise of the awful snarl still ringing around your mind like a pinball machine. Even In its frenzy it had thankfully only managed to leave a semi deep scratch etched into your calf. It seemingly realised its actions and charged away. It bled all the way to the emergency room; it definitely didn’t warrant emergency attention but Jungkook forced you saying it’s a wild animal and ‘you got to make sure you get shots, don’t want you dying of rabies on me’ you remember him joking. You reminded him rabies was more of less non-existent in the country but he was probably right. They put skin closures across it as it wasn’t serious enough for stitches and put a standard sterile white dressing over to protect it. It may not have been serious but it was fucking long, nearly most of your calf. The first dose of your antibiotics was working its way through your system already; they’d decided to give some intravenously.

Avoiding the minefield of clothes trip hazards you made it into the living room, the pale moonlight was converting to a pale dawn. The glass coffee table in the middle of the room danced with shimmering grace in the glow. The light dimmed in the kitchen area, too far away from the window. You hit a switch which illuminated the under cupboard lights bringing life to the marble sides; the carpet turned into tiles, feet not appreciating the temperature or softness change. Reaching up into the cupboard for a glass, you jumped when the front door opened. You was just in one of Kook’s oversized shirts and in this position your underwear was definitely on show. No longer on tip toes you turned as his older brother waltzed in launching his holdall silently onto the sofa which absorbed the noise.

Short leather jacket adorned with zips, simple white V neck shirt tucked into black skinnies and leather biker boots. Yep his standard attire. He looked too good even though you hated to admit it. His eyes were worn and withered, exhaustion seeping off him. Your presence in the kitchen knitted his brows together but you spoke first.

“Jeez Yoongi you like hell, what happened to you?” you spoke softly.

“Could say the same to you” he countered nodding down at your leg.

“Guess I win!” You admitted “I got attacked by a dog, but like it was massive! I was running and it caught up with me out of nowhere and…”

His head popped up from behind the fridge door from where he was busy searching for sustenance.

“Wait… by a dog? How? Where?” Concern blossomed in his naturally dark eyes.

“As I WAS saying, I was running and it just caught up with me and his claw just caught my leg. It kind of backed off when I fell and ran off. Did I say it was huge! Like beaming yellow eyes too!” you placed your glass on the side behind you and leaned against the work top arms folded.

“Yeah but WHERE?” he asked curt.

Jeez he can be so cranky when he’s tired

“Erm… In Crest Park Woods” you responded ignoring his bluntness like you would assignments; also hesitant as you knew your location would likely trigger…

“I’ve told you both not to go there at night! Shit” he barked albeit quietly, huge frown announcing displeasure. He suddenly seemed agitated, almost panicky with his movements.

“Well I tell you to put the dishwasher on and you ignore me the same” you bit back defensive against his unwarranted agitation.

“Besides I’m fine, I didn’t need stitches, the doctors gave me antibiotics, stop being dramatic”

“Why did you let her go” his harsh words directed behind you. Jungkook had appeared in the living room doorway, heavy eyed and rubbing them to some form of life. His hair poofy and messy, shirtless, trackies hanging onto his hips admiring the view above.

“Hey, I can’t tell her what to do man, I was training for most of the evening, got her call when I was getting changed” even his words were sleepy.

“You know I tell you it’s not safe at night” he reiterated

“No parks or woods are safe at night in this day and age Yoongi” Kook piped up.

“Y/N please come back to bed, take the weight off your leg” he pleaded drowsy.

It was too early for this.

“Fine” you droned eyes rolling your disapproval quietly grateful to be out of this situation which you could sense was starting to sour.

“Oh you can’t tell her what to do?” You heard Yoongi jab at Jungkook as you left. As you’d expect from brothers they bickered, but they generally had a pretty solid relationship, I mean Yoongi was letting Jungkook live with him rent free while he was at Uni. He did annoyingly well for himself. Since you and Kook had been together he’d even let you more or less live there too; he was scarcely home and you’d prefer to have some privacy with your boyfriend here instead of your cramped hall room. You showed your gratitude by making sure everywhere was clean and tidy and making sure there was always enough of dinner left over for him in the freezer whenever he decided to come home.

//

“What are you…doing?” you mumbled still paralysed by sleepiness. You were half aware of Jungkook not-so slyly sliding his hands under your shirt groaning happily cupping your breasts, pushing up closer behind you, you didn’t really need to know what he was doing or wanted, you could feel it.

“Seducing you idiot” he toyed, fingertips gliding down your side, your thigh. Switching direction and coming up on your inner thigh teasing the way he knows your weak for.

“Yoongi baby” you reminded, annoyingly your room backed onto his and you struggled to be quiet sometimes. You’d faced many awkward glances with Yoongi too many mornings and you didn’t want to start again.

“He’s out” he breathed onto your skin at the back of your neck.

“He’s never out in the morning” you blurted out contesting him

“Exactly” before his lips latched onto the side of your neck dragging a gasp from your throat. You couldn’t fault his logic, your body way ahead of your thinking pushed back into him.

//

“Jesus baby how hard did you cum?” You got asked rhetorically in your state of euphoric exhaustion.

“You mean how many times?” you added chuckling within the breaths you were struggling to take. Collapsed side by side, hot messes perspiration soaked.

Sex with Jungkook was never terrible, far from it! But today everything felt amplified, everything had a surge of electric exaggerating every touch, the strength of the contractions of your muscles were on another level.

You’d never felt anything like it; your brain flooded with oxytocin, you drowned happily.

“My plan to keep you off your feet for a bit longer was a success then” he mentioned before downing the rest of his glass of water from the bedside table

“Seriously Kook I have a scratch on my leg, It’s not like it’s…” You felt the blood drain from your face, your skin went deathly cold, your body heated up from the head down simultaneously. Lurching from the bed; adrenaline making sure your muscles could carry you to the bathroom.

//

The last 5 minutes you’d touch wood not brought anything else up. Kook was still on hand, holding your hair off your face gently stroking your back. The typhoon in your stomach had mostly dissipated but you still hugged the bowl like your life depended on it.

“How you doing beautiful” he asked from behind

“Yeah I think I’m good” He took your response as a cue to release your hair and went and grabbed you some fresh bottled water from the fridge.

“Where did that come from?”

“Beats me” you sipped in delicate mouthfuls from the glass anxious to not disrupt whatever was settling your stomach.

“You don’t think?”

“What?” you answered

“We’re always careful right?” his words were hesitant as his brain scanned through every last time between you.

Shit! We’re 23 this will not be it!

Some superficial nausea returned as you too tried to remember every last time.

“Yea…h?”

The response wasn’t as confident as he wanted. You’d recently switched up contraception to the implant as your pill taking had become sketchy at best.

//

He returned from the drug store with a test and had also acquired an abundance of sweet things for you.

“Whoa where are you off to” his tone disapproving of the fact you were up and dressed lacing up your black boots.

“I told you I feel absolutely fine now” you pressed finishing the last bit of toast in your hand. You saw his frown come to fruition and you stopped any response with a kiss. Your hands caressing both his cheeks.

“I promise I’m fine. I can’t miss this lecture. You’re the absolute best. Now are you going to let me do this and then leave?” In his absence you’d pretty much convinced yourself that the pair of you had been careful and it must have been the antibiotic’s or something.

He sulked on the bar stool around the breakfast island where you’d implicitly told him to stay while you waited. His eyes were wide, worried as he stood up when you walked back into the room.

“See told you” handing him the negative test like the massive I told you so sandwich it was.

“Am I free to go now?” you teased as he tugged on your jean belt loop catching you in between his thighs.

“You’re free to go” he per-missed only after you’d kissed him and told him he was the best. Again.

Day 7

“Ugh!” you shivered, Sambuca burning horribly down your throat, your shot glass turned and slammed onto the side. Face creasing up in that Sambuca after taste disgust.

“Hey Y/N we going start cards against humanity you in?” Your friend Laura called from the centre of the living room playing a link in a chain of a circle of people from your class and a few others.

“Obviously” you called back. She’d dragged you to a house party in an attempt to help you get drunk and to forget about Jungkook for a night.

Jeon fucking Jungkook!

He’d decided to destroy your nothing but amazing year relationship by getting so blind drunk he ended his night with someone from his swim team on his dick a few days ago. He confessed straight away. You ended up in a rage filled teary mess and he just dissolved into a balling mess pleading; every apology saturated with remorse. You made damn sure you didn’t care how loud you were in Yoongi’s place. You left leaving Jungkook there completely ended with.

You were a wreck. With that wreck aside you were still a physical wreck, still suffering with sudden bouts of sickness, excruciating pain all topped off with ridiculous hornyess. You could even swear your smell and taste were better.  The Dr’s had done some tests including another pregnancy test; everything was annoyingly clear; no clinical answers in sight.

“Hey you need a drink in your hand to play” Hobi announced shoving yet another vodka and coke in your hand as you sunk to the floor cross legged next to him.

Apparently Hobi and some of the other dance majors can really fucking drink. Put your class to absolute shame!

The music was at a reasonable volume but to your ears it was pounding, your vision was fuzzy and your mind a pleasant haze. You took yourself off to the kitchen for the actual sensible purpose of grabbing yourself some water and then popping to the loo.

On your return your floor seat was by taken.

He smells so fucking good.

Jesus what’s wrong with me

“Hey, can I have my spot back” You were practically stood over him, his back towards you as you just faced the messy black hair.

Your heart beat shot up irrationally; nothing prepared for your how beautiful he was, like seriously if anyone needs a Prince Eric casting you’d found him. The dark hair did not dim the brightness of his smile nor the mischievous look in his eyes as he took ALL of you in; your scent, your simple but apparently effective attire of a tight fitting with sleeveless white top tucked into a pair of high waisted jeans. He dropped his knees fully crossing them.

“You can sit here if you like” smirking; his tongue grazing the side of his mouth and tapping his lap. A few chuckles at his quip from the circle.

“Don’t you think you should at least try that with a girl whose in your league or at least get me a drink before you ask for anything like that” you bit back bemused, sure your eyes were glimmering with insincerity. He was not out of your league, this guy was the reason leagues were created in the first place.

“Oooooohh” Hobi and few others cooed in unison. The guy’s eyebrow shot up above a smile before he chuckled and conceded

“Touche”

“Of course you can sit back here” his tone suddenly lighter, genuine.

“Seeing as you missed the introduction, Y/N Jimin, Jimin Y/N. He’s just transferred to Dance” Laura said her tone laced with a childish disgust.

“Don’t have to say it like I’m disgusting” Jimin said falling into the sofa opposite you.

“Oh I do” Laura joked.

Until the game finished you just couldn’t concentrate; Jimin’s gaze was like a black hole, absorbing your attention with no mercy. Easily dragging laughs out of you as he eventually joined in the game. You noticed the sparkle his eyes always shone when he looked at you; you could even swear there were sometimes strange yellow flecks  that danced amongst the coffee brown.

“I am done” you announced standing up, taking a second to stable your alcohol infused state.

“Yeah I think we all are” Laura agreed.

“Jimin can walk you to your room he’s going that way” Hobi pushed. Jimin and you once again got sucked into each other’s gaze. The pounding of your pulse felt deep in your stomach.

What the fuck is going on, this effect is not normal, even with how hot he is

“I think I can manage a short walk across campus”

“I am going that way, May as well, pretty company is always good”

“LAME!” Laura toyed.

“Fine, I suppose your right” underhandedly returning the compliment.

//

“So what’s your major” He idly asked

“Virology”

“OOFF, heavy” he observed.

“You are not wrong” you agreed chucking, grateful for the cool breeze to sooth your sudden increase in body temperature.

“I assume you know Hobi and Laura from Dance?”

“Yeah just like she said I just transferred, the uh dance teacher and I did not see eye to eye at my old uni”

“Dance hey”

“Something amusing?”

“From your look I wouldn’t have guessed in a million years”

“And what look is that exactly” He inquired genuinely curious.

“Well I mean leather jacket, ripped jeans, slightly baggy t-shirt, I mean I pegged you more maybe for like music or even maybe biomed”

“I mean it’s too early to introduce pegging” he toyed, mischievous.

“Ooookkkaay, like I may be drunk and we may have just played cards against humanity but we are not close enough to discuss that shit!” Hitting him in a playful manner on his arm.

How it escalated you don’t even know, you’d ended up shoved against a wall in the stairway of your dorm building; his hands grabbing everywhere they possibly could in a rough manner. It wasn’t something you were used to it but fuck could you get used to it. His mouth catching your heavy breaths, lips hungry on yours. It was like a fire had been ignited that you never knew you had. And it was with a stranger, but it felt so right. Your hands were not innocent either, oh no! You were pulling him to you in sheer desperation.

“Please tell me we’re near your room” he panted already scrabbling at the buttons of your jeans.

“Well I mean if you wouldn’t have pounced on me you’d have discovered we are really close” wasting no time in having your hands trailing his abs

“Couldn’t help myself, you just smell so good…”

Ditto!

He was shoved on your bed immediately. Leg straddling his waist; both your shirts already scattered on the bedroom floor. His hand gripped tightly in a fistful of your hair controlling the force of your kiss.

Until he stopped.

“What?”

“We shouldn’t”

What a time for a change of heart you sighed to yourself

“Serious?” mouth already pouting sitting back on your legs and his erection straining against his jeans.

“I mean god I want to” his lips were plumped up from all the attention.

“But you’re waaayyy more drunk than me and It wouldn’t be right, and I want to make you sure you remember how good I’m going to fuck you, even If I have to starve myself of this” applying pressure down your trousers feeling you over your underwear, your moan ricocheting into the room

“Fine! But don’t tease” you ordered slapping his hand away, climbing off him lying next to him in a huff.

“It’ll be worth it, I promise”

“You better make sure it is! You probably shouldn’t stay here though because there’s no way I won’t make you beg for me to fuck you if you’re here too long.” You teased.

“Ooo fighting talk huh? You’re probably right. I’ll see myself out. You can make yourself cum thinking about me though, I won’t have any objections to that”

“Well you’ll never know will you!” lip between your teeth as he flashed his smile which was so saccharine saturated you were at risk of a coma as he left.

Again in your drunk state you happily walking into a huge mistake

*knock knock*

“Y/N?”

Giving Jungkook no more time to talk about anything; you dragged him into a heated, completely lust filled kiss which he accepted no questions asked. He was pushed onto the sofa; him forced underneath you.

“Yoongi… could be home… any minute” he managed in between the assault on his lips.

“Shut up” you demanded tugging at his shirt, a desperate plea grinding on his crotch. He returned in kind ridding you of your pyjama top. Putting you underneath him on the sofa, leather cool against your skin. Yanking your trackies on the floor before chucking off his. You tugged on his long hair; wanting to avoid the pain he followed the direction of your pull gaining leverage over him enabling you to be on top again. His cock pressed against your folds

“Wait don’t you… want warmi…” hands resting at your side fingertips gently indenting your skin, hair half covering his eyes.

“Nope” you interrupted sinking down onto him cutting off any more words, replacing them with breathy moans.

“Fuck” he breathed rolling his head back. He always absolutely loved when you used him just to get off.

Your hips rocking rough, desperately seeking the relief you needed. Hand gripping to his chest enjoying the muscles beneath your fingertips rippling. You started clenching around him still dragging yourself closer.

“Jesus if you keep doing that I’m not going to last much longer” he whined. Knowing your body and the lack of clit stimulation was hindering your orgasm he tried to help. You swatted his hand away. He was delusional if he thought he deserved that. Pinning his hands above his head he got the message. The visual stimulation of you circling hurriedly on your clit had his eyes rolling up, fists clenching. As always he managed to hold off until your muscles starting convulsing around him before falling hard into his own release.

Apparently once wasn’t enough for you, easily going another couple of times before completely crashing in his bed. Another mistake.

Day 8

You woke up alone.

Thank god

There was however a note

-Let’s talk when I’m back - JK

How about no, he could go away for the week coming back to nothing!

You scrunched it up, feeling a slight pang of guilt for giving him hope.

Mouth dry, you headed to the kitchen

“Well, I wasn’t expecting to see you here again” Yoongi admitted slouching around the breakfast bar with a bowl of cereal.

Thank god I put on a shirt

You rolled your eyes.

“Please don’t, apparently alcohol causes me to make massive mistakes” you blurted out.

“Sorry he’s your brother” you added

“Its fine, we’ve all been there and he’s not exactly in my good books. I’ve give him hell don’t worry. He’s been a mess all week”

“Good!”

Excruciating pain spiked through your stomach rippling out to your chest. You doubled over in pain. Yoongi rushed over to support you, firm hand gripping at your waist and arm

“Im fine, I’m fine” ushering him away as the moment passed. More dreading what was next, the nausea and sickness.

“Here drink this” Yoongi handed you a homemade looking drink in a glass bottle. The army green liquid was lumpy and the thought of it anywhere near your mouth increased your nausea ten fold

“I feel sick already, definitely not” sipping the water that Yoongi had also sweetly provided.

“I’m serious it will take the nausea away in a heartbeat, just a mouthful, trust me it’s an old recipe of my grams” One eyebrow considerably higher, you gingerly took the bottle and unscrewed the cap. Opting not to even dare sniff it pinching your nose and swallowing; face scrunching shaking your head. For good measure you chugged the rest of your water and still held your nose for the taste to completely pass.

Boy wasn’t lying

“I am not even going to ask what’s in that but Jesus it worked”

“Probably best you don’t, and you’re welcome” he beamed.

“Well I guess I better get out here I got some serious revision to be getting on with”

Day 15

It was 1am, you were staring blankly at your work books, black lines of font all blurring into a mess in front of you. Your eyes rolled as you found your coffee cup empty. You were in a student café which had the genius idea of opening weirdly unsociable hours for all those late night crammers. You frequented this place a lot. The super comfy sofa area often had groups trying to cram together, people dozing from too much reading. You always took your refuge at a table, always sat facing one of the windows, you found the orange hue from the streetlight calming and not having to make eye contact with anyone else in the café suited you right down to the ground.

You’d found a small piece of paper in your jacket that Jimin had slyly slipped in the pocket a few days ago, you’d completely procrastinated texting the number. Not trusting yourself with how you’d act if your meeting again was anything like the last. Not that you didn’t want it.

Thinking about him apparently had the memory of his scent which now flooded your sense. Out of nowhere a coffee cup appeared beside you briefly masking the smell. You removed your headphones and turned to the source of the coffee giver.

The smell was not from memory.

“Latte with an extra shot” he announced

“I asked the server what you had before” he mentioned in response to the perplexed look primed his way.

“Umm, hi, thanks” he helped himself to a seat opposite, mere moments into your interaction the hunger was already festering.

“Not gonna lie I’ve been waiting for your text like an impatient child” he confessed stroking the side of his cup, looking down avoiding the eye contact.

“Sorry, I’ve just been swamped and I may have been staring at your number desperate to text but I didn’t know what to say”

“How about, hey, fancy meeting up to finish what we started” he joked, you closed your books attention drawn completely to him

“Oh you’re putting that straight out there then” feeling the flush of blood rushing to your cheeks, his shoulders shrugged, devilish smile returning

“If you don’t ask you don’t get. I would have happily responded to that”

“Well I mean normally I’d say buy a girl a drink first but I guess you’ve just ticked that box”

“Exactly”

Your walk to the halls was longer than normal. Under the cover of the poorly lit areas of the campus the pair of you hungrily shoved each other against trees grasping everywhere lips barely parting. You suspected your back was at best grazed.

“I don’t…even know why you do…this to me, I hardly know you” you panted slamming your door shut with Jimins body hard against it.

“Fuck knows but I feel it too” In a brief moment you was apart his eyes scanned you before literally tearing your shirt off buttons popping everywhere.

How strong is he? That’s like a movie thing

Your bra was unclipped with one hand before it joined your shirt.

He’s got moves, give him that

He picked you up from under your behind, legs wrapping round his waist. Your turn to be shoved against the door. Your back was definitely grazed, the pleasant sting confirmed this.

Your neck, collar bone was plastered with blossoming red marks. He even sunk his teeth in at the curve of your neck.

“Enough foreplay” you breathed. He chuckled through a growl which went straight to your core.

“Impatient” he stated a smirk growing wide bunching his cheeks up.

“Can’t wait to test that”

“My dorm mate is away tonight” the pair of you cocking your eyebrows. He set you down, backing you up until you knocked into the table, tugging his white v-n off, fingertips digging into his sides pressing him flush against you. He came willingly. Taking one of his hands you guided him under you the waistband of your unbuttoned jeans. Gasping finally having the contact against your folds.

“Want me much?” in response to how wet you were. You just dragged him into a kiss.

“Can’t have you waiting that desperately for me can I”

“Please don’t make me” you whined as he rushed to have you step out of jeans and underwear.

“You’re beautiful you know that” he exhaled drinking you all in. You were pushed hard half on the table, perching as he dropped to his knees.

Unbeknown to you he could smell your arousal the instant it started pooling. It completely intoxicated him like nothing before.

A deep growl escaped his throat nipping at the inside of your thigh. As weird as it was to hear such an animalistic growl you’d be lying if it wasn’t sexy as fuck.

He teased, lips going everywhere it wasn’t throbbing. He sensed your frustration from a mile off.

“Say please!” he ordered, smirk felt against your thigh.

“Fuck…Jimin PLEASE!” you begged. Hand flying straight to tangle in his hair. He sucked at your bud answering your plea with warm harsh flicks of his tongue.

“Want more?” Warm breathe fanning at your core.

“Mmmhmm” was you all you managed with your head rolled back. He granted your wish thrusting two fingers inside and going back with his tongue flat licking wide stripes.

“Don’t stop” you whined, feeling your leg muscles tighten. He granted your again as he sped up quickly pushing you over the edge pulling even tighter on his hair. Satisfied accomplished smirk was graced him.

“Don’t think I’m finished with you” he forewarned. Pulling you off the desk spinning you round, bending you over kicking you ankles apart. The light clinking of his belt causing a surge of excited anticipation which was delayed a few seconds by him putting on the condom. Slicking himself with your arousal before sinking into you.

“You feel just as good as you taste” he moaned before his hips began bucking into you. You turned to respond but you was met with him in a harsh movement turning your head to the front wrapping his fists in your hair tugging you harder on him. You settled digging your finger into the outside of his thigh.

“Jesus Jimin” you wailed. Jungkook was rarely rough with you and only know you realised how much you’d missed it.

“Too hard?” he asked slowing down pulling nearly all the way out teasing at your entrance awaiting further instruction.

“Fuck no” you cried, he slammed back into you; your free hand balling up into a fist. His free hand made its way round your waist. You went and met his hand, allowing you to take the lead his hand resting on yours gliding him in between your legs.

Boy gotta know how you like it!

“Ready to cum yet” he grunted, noticing how jerky his hips were going; he definitely was. The sleek words at your ear selectively just heard ‘cum’.  You did what you thought he’d just told you.

“Jesus how tight do you wanna go” he spluttered as he came. He left you panting slumped on the table while he went to the bin. Managing to stand he pulled you into a kiss hands at your cheeks, soft against your flushed hot face.

“Give me ten minutes and we’re going again” he said almost in a whisper.

“You have five and I’ll damn make sure you’ll be begging me to let you cum this time”

Day 16

You stirred, rolling onto Jimin’s chest, which for a moment threw you. It was nice, his natural scent a comfort when combined with the soft contact of his skin. It also provided more than comfort, currently a chimera of comfort and also a ridiculous turn on for no reason whatsoever.

Christ, It likes I’m on heat or something

Safe to say you was now awake. His arm weakly fell round your waist, still in a sleepy daze. Taking your time, creeping your fingertips stepping lightly down his chest, his stomach finally ghosting up his thighs. His thighs were actual masterpieces of tone and muscle you’d be graced with.

The grip on your hips increased slightly when your hand wrapped around his cock

“Mmm morning to you too” he mumbled shifting to be more flat on his back. Biting your lip through glazed over eyes you started moving your hand. As he grew in your hand and his eyes finally opened dragged awake by your movements and you grinding light circles against him.

“That’s so good” still in a sleepy mumble. When you stopped he let out a whiny exhale and you shrunk down in between his legs.

“Will this be better?” you teased licking a stripe at his tip.

“I think you should show me it is”

//

“I think we should play a game” you suggested lifting your mouth from him after not letting him cum three times.

“You’re torturing me already” he panted. Your arm mopped up any saliva that had accumulated round your mouth as you sat up. You abandoned him in favour of bringing some toys for you to play with.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No” he agreed, chirping your shoulders up you lined him up at your entrance and slowly sunk down. In a natural move his hands went to your hips. You allowed this. When his hips bucked up into you. You did not allow this.

“You are not doing that” you ordered tightening your thighs at his waist

“What?” he breathed, face like it’s the most ridiculous cruel thing he’s ever heard; rolling your hips savouring how he felt inside you

“You are not to move. At ALL!”

“You are going to lay there and not move while I make myself cum 3 times on you”

“You can do that?”

“Yep, you do not buck your hips and you do not cum understand. Then I promise you can have me how you want” One thing about being with Jungkook. His stamina was ridiculous and he damn sure trained you well. You rocked your hips.

“What a reward!” he breathed your movement catching him off guard.

“Hope you like be…..”

You clenched around him in response. Grabbing the first of your selected toys; your bullet. He was way more vocal than JK and it was amazing. It was beautifully soft considering also melodic, his laboured breathes in between really hit as his head rolled back. His fists twirled in the sheets beside you pouring every ounce of will against his want fuck you.

“You’re doing so well” you panted, heat flowing across all of your skin enduring the aftershocks of your second orgasm. Your leg muscles growing tired from the constant tensing, your nails had left small red half crescents in a pretty field on his chest.

“I’ll treat you just a bit” Offering him the remote of your wand vibrator.

“I don’t think I can concentrate to operate that and not to move” he whined.

“You damn well better try you” You whined curtly kissing him in a desperate hurry. Considerately he put it on the lowest setting first, this time you would definitely need to move. So you did rocking your hips back of forth careful not to move up and down; judging from Jimin’s moans he wouldn’t be able to last with that kind of motion.

“Je…sus this is so hard” he panted, knocking the speed up to full, the area of the wand reaching more than just your clit; vibrations radiating out to the spring in your core on which were near breaking point.

“Ahh almost…there” hands firmly griping his shoulders, his face leaking frustrated concentration.

“Please cum baby” the plea came in a sweet desperate moan. His words moaned like a sexy mantra sent you over the edge; crying out even louder when he pushed up into you once in a hard thrust.

//

“You know you’re the first person I’ve ever even partially submitted to” Jimin was sprawled out your bed catching his breath with you equally sprawled next to him

“Yeah? How come”

“I like to be in control, but with you I don’t know, it just feels different, like I want to do anything with you as long as it gets me against you”

“Well I’ll take that as compliment” you preened.

“How in control do you like to be?”

“Oh you’re going to find out” he warned

“Now who’s got fighting talk?”

Seemingly fully recovered like nothing has happened, he clambered onto of you. Your hands pinned above your head.

“Now you said I could do what I wanted with you” any hint of the soft adorable voice had gone, fire ravaging behind his eyes.

“I did” eyes scanning his body smirk growing across your face.

“Well you’re not leaving this room until I’m done with you, if anything gets too much tell me, if you like something in a different way tell me. Okay?” his head nuzzled in your neck taking in your scent, noticing the shift in your heart rate. You nodded also swearing you could even hear his racing pulse.

“You’re so beautiful, it just blows my mind” he breathes angling straight for your neck.

//

You napped until noon, but was it even a nap if you’d been completely fucked half into a coma?

Your body was wrecked. You felt bruised in the best way possible, red flowers had bloomed all over your body. Each one a sweet token of how good his mouth felt on you. But right now you wasn’t bothered about how exhausted your body felt, pain suddenly ravaged your senses to beyond caring.

“I’m fine” you wailed, tears trickling down your cheeks. The pain had now moved from your stomach to what felt like everywhere.

“Jesus Y/N you are not fine!” He argued, hand gently stroking your back as you were curled into as much of a fetal position as you could.

“Just give it a minute” you pleaded.

“It will go away”

You hated he hated to see you like that so feeble and helpless. The pain passed as you’d accurately predicted.

“Can I take you somewhere?” He asked, you wasn’t going to say no to the gooey chocolate of his eyes, hair draping lush over his forehead.

Opting for some loose ripped boyfriend jeans and a grey hoody pulled up shrouding as much of you as you humanly possible. The pair of you walked off campus; hand in hand. His hand took ownership of yours the second you’d locked your door, and how beat you were you were not going to refuse any sort of comfort.

You’d stopped caring about the potential of Jungkook seeing you as it had already happened. You’d had the messages begging first. They quickly turned into downright anger at you moving on so quickly. He even had the audacity to accuse you of already seeing Jimin behind his back. You made sure you told him where to stick any contact with you in the future.

You walked down a familiar street. Emerald green leaves adorning the trees in a row either side of the newly re-laid road.

Where are we going?

Just as you were about to pass Yoongi’s place, Jimin directed you down his path.

Now I’m lost

“Uhh Jimin wha…” His door was already knocked. Yoongi of course answered. Nothing but bafflement burnt onto your face as his face came into view. Yoongi’s face grew equally confused.

“Yoongi you gotta tell her for god’s sake, she needs to know” Jimin was stern, taking no no’s for an answer as he ushered you inside passed Yoongi who had no words as Jimin near enough barged passed.

“Tell me what? What’s going on?” Your voice raised amongst the confusion

These guys know each other?

 you stood arms crossed, eyebrows together leaning on the breakfast bar. The boys looked at each far too sheepishly, wordlessly communicating.

“You might wanna sit down”

“Yoongi seriously just tell me what’s going on” Jimin looked at you before looking down, a deep sorrow had started to diffuse of his aura, it turned your stomach.

What on earth

//

Legs carrying you and your exponential rage out of the house. Your eyes felt puffy even though the tears had yet to leave your eyes. Apparently rage causing them to evaporate.

“Leave me alone” Now the tears started as you shunned Jimin who was trying to hurry behind you.

A werewolf, a fucking werewolf!

Your thoughts had fused, overloaded with unbelievable information. Yoongi and Jimin confessed to apparently being werewolves, apparently Yoongi was the alpha of the so called little pack of people who are apparently also students.

“Are you all on crack?” you had exerted. Your refusal to believe what they were saying left them no other choice than to shift in front of you. You froze, two majestic huge wolves in front of you, Yoongi larger than Jimin. They were both black furred for the most part; Jimin’s wolf had a white diamond under his neck, breaking up the darkness. Before your brain could process the ridiculous sight you’d witnessed they’d changed back…naked! Thankfully they were behind the island.  They told you the dog that scratched you was a werewolf and all the pain and issues were due to you turning and your body preparing for the first full moon.

“Y/N slow down!” Jimin pleaded. You ignored him.

And on top of all that, Yoongi admitted that as soon as he realised he sent Jimin in your path to keep an eye on you and make sure you was okay. The betrayal from both these boys was painful you couldn’t decide if you wanted to slap them both or not.

“No, what makes you even think you can come with me? Everything was a lie” you spat.

“No it wasn’t” He defended

“You heard Yoongi when he’d smelt we’d slept together, he scolded the shit out of shit me! Surely that proves that wasn’t what I was told” You’d stopped stomping away, his eyes were glistening under the moisture collecting in them

He was right, but none the less you were still furious at him and at Yoongi. You had about two weeks to get your head round this shit before you had to shift. On full moons werewolves have to turn, no choice whatsoever. After your first transition you can then elect to turn into a wolf at will at any other time of the month…apparently.

“Well why did you do it then, if Yoongi had told you specifically not to then?” He tried to bridge the gap between you, offering you hand. All he got in response with a glare.

“I just couldn’t help it, you’re just incredible!.

We couldn’t help it! You corrected in your head

“I think we’re essences” You met his comment with a blank look, arms folded waiting for an explanation.

“It’s like an animaly thing” he explained

“It’s pheromones, but werewolf specific ones. It’s not super common really, when two werewolves have pheromones that … bounce off each other I guess, It amplifies attraction exponentially. Hence why we literally can’t help it, our primal senses are essentially pulling us together” Your shoulders dropped, arms unfolded and went to your hips. His face contorted in apology.

“So what you’re saying is this” you waved to the pair of you back and forth

“Is made up and chemical?” shrouding your disappointed from your tone. He eyes widening, filling with panic

“What? No no, I mean well kinda. For the whole matching pheromone thing to actually work and kind of activate there has to be an attraction already. So it just kind of amplifies It I guess? Yoongi tried to explain it to me once and I was way to out of it to take it all in”

You couldn’t bare the pained expression which was slowly spreading on his face, this guy was a good one despite how much right now you wish he wasn’t

You’d calmed enough to accept Jimin as you allowed yourself into the pull of the embrace. Now the tears fell, down your cheeks and onto his shoulder. You nudged your head into his neck and let the rage filter out until there were just sobs of fear and overwhelm. One hand stroking the back of your neck, the holding firm at your lower back. His scent tranquil, steadying your panicking system, slowing down your manic mind.

“Am I going to be okay?” you sobbed, bleary eyed looking for his for comfort again and again.

His smile was relieved if it was anything and leaned back away from you slightly, sweeping the strands of hair from your face.

“Of course, you’re with us now. We won’t let anything bad happen to you. We look out for our own”

“What if I hurt somebody? Will I remember? I don’t want to hurt anyone”

“You won’t, not with us. On full moons we remember very little it’s more like a red mist clouds your mind” You panicked

Not helping!

“But…Yoongi is a good alpha and makes sure that we are all secure and can’t get out and hurt anyone. When we turn, when we chose to we remember and have full control of ourselves it’s just the one night”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

“To be honest he should have but I think he was just in denial and upset about it seeing as you were friends” You both started walking together in the direction of your halls, even in the state you was and as angry as you were you still wanted him with you.

“Wait is JK a…?” the words flooded out

“No no, he has no idea either and that’s how Yoongi wants it”

“So who turned me then? It must have been one of you guys right?” he stopped, hesitant, collecting his words before continuing his delicate steps.

“No… It was another wolf from another pack” The pair of you finally reached the park, the other side was the campus and your bed! You took his hand earning a small relieved smile.

“Why say it like that?”

“They’re kind of dicks, and they certainly don’t have any care in the world about chaining themselves up or hurting people”

“Oh… I won’t turn out like that though will I?” this time you were the one that stopped walking.

“No” he chuckled.

“I’m sure they were assholes before they were turned, it’s just that it’s a bit risky our pack taking you in as our own”

“Oh?”

“It’s just a weird pack thing, essentially we’ve nicked one of their babies and that generally is frowned upon even in the wolf world”

“But they just attacked and left me?” You could feel a lump form in your throat, now feeling like a huge burden.

“I know, I know this is where the whole they are a group of dicks comes into it. Please don’t worry about it, that’s for Yoongi to deal with not you. They probably don’t even know what happened that night. Come on let’s get you home” His hand escaped yours and pulled you close to him, arm draped over your shoulder.

“Can you stay?” you asked with a weak saccharine smile.

“If you promise to not cry again tonight” he offered.

“I think I can manage that”

 Day 28 – Day of the full moon.

Your concentration was non-existent in your first lecture, your insides felt like they were crawling; a constant itch that couldn’t be scratched. You were irritable as fuck. You didn’t make it to your second lecture. You were opting for your room with closed curtains, imagining the quiet solitude on your way from campus. The quiet of your thoughts were quickly consumed by the smell which certainly never meant any quiet.

“Are you stalking me now Mr Park?” You turned knowing from the strength of the scent exactly where he was. Sweat covered, dark hair clinging to his forehead. The glistening muscles hidden poorly by the loose low vest top, you could even make out his v lines sat above his shorts through his damp shirt. His hands trailed through his hair pushing it back off of his forehead.

“No” he denied out of breath

“I knew what time your lecture finished and so timed my run around it” he explained.

“So you timed your run so you could see me come out of my lecture? Sounds like stalking to me”

He responded with a strong punch to your arm.

“Would you rather have someone else stalk you?” he queried hooking one arm over your shoulder, one of your hands held onto that hand and as you both walked together in perfect sync.

“And I came because I want to know how you are? Full moon day is never a good day, especially when it’s your first”

“I’m going insane, feels like I’ve got all this energy, my skins crawling. The smallest thing agitates the fuck out of me” He squeezed your hand noticeably harder.

“Why do you think the rest of us do nothing, I can’t believe you didn’t listen to me and went to class in the first place. Want my advice?” You stared back at him knowing full well he was going to give it to you anyway.

“Running, It takes the edge off trust me” resolute in his words.

“I hate running, I’m not fit enough” you complained.

“Well have you tried since you were bitten? You’ll have incredible stamina now and you’ll probably enjoy it”

“I think I’ll pass today, I’m feeling way too irritated for that. What time do we have to meet the others?”

“Half six so we’ve got a few hours, don’t panic. In fact I think there’s a few things we could do that might help relax you” You didn’t need to ask what they were. He’d pushed you up against a tree, lips dancing heated with yours, his hands already tugging your blouse out of waistband in pursuit of skin. With him nuzzled at you neck kissing and nipping at your favourite points earning him gasps from your lips. Your eyes nervously scanning the park around you. The path you’d just been pushed off was under two rows of high trees in bright green bloom. No one was around. Every touch of his lips or his skin on yours was more electric than normal, every sensation amplified; the pool of warmth between your legs desperately having your core already gagging for attention.

“Jimin…please…take me home” you whined, you needed him so fucking bad. He groaned at your neck coming up to meet your gaze, the animalistic yellow flakes burning hot around the coffee brown circles.

“Your body is telling me you want me now” a surprised squeal and moan flew past your lips as his hand had flew up underneath your denim skirt and circled at your already engorged bud as well as gliding his hands through your arousal. You grabbed his wrist to stop him, pulse surging with a chimera of fear and pleasure.

“No one’s here” he reassured

“And I’ll hear if anyone’s coming. Remember, super hearing!” he doubly reassured. You too had the enhanced hearing and apparently you were not used to using it to your advantage. Your grip on his wrist faltered opting instead to hurriedly to grip at his shirt, refusing him to be anywhere but against you. The rays of the afternoon sun were bleeding in through the gaps in through the trees, illuminating just how exposed you really were. It was exciting.

“I had no idea you were so filthy” the words were breathed so close to your lips, his finger teasing at your entrance thumb gently swiping at your clit.

“Shut up!” you snapped

“Just fuck me already” you ordered, your hands aiming for his member underneath his shorts. He stopped you. Instead dropping to the floor ghosting his hands up either side of your leg, your eyes hungry, fixed on the devil smirk that wasn’t in his lip bite. Your hands interlinked behind your neck growing more warm.

Hitching up your skirt only to pull your red lace thong down getting ruffled in the bark at your feet.

“You’re seriously not going to go down on me in a park”

“Am I not?” Eyes glistening with satisfaction, the smell of your arousal clouding every bit of judgement he had. His eyes were quickly filling with unbridled lust. You didn’t even get a chance to reply, leg hitched over his shoulder. Your head rolled back into the tree

“Ow! Uhh!”  Jimins mouth attached to you licking your folds stopped and gazed up at you as you rubbed your head where it stung.

“You okay?” his chin already glistening.

“Yeah, please…carry on” he chuckled and planted his face back in between your thighs. One hand secured to your hips the other etching dangerously closer your entrance. One of your hands was failing to grip across the rough bark, the other tangled in his hair.

//

“You better cum for me again baby” Jimin urged gently placing your leg back to the ground. He grabbed your chin forcing you into a kiss, not caring you could taste your own cum on his lips.

“What here?” the panic seeping back into the bottom of your stomach scraping more at the fear of being so open and exposed.. He paused eyes looking left utilising his enhanced hearing, checking for any approaching people..

“What? You’ve already just done it once. We better be quick” shoving you around and your chest into the tree. He yanked your hips back; kicked your legs apart already taking himself out of his shorts.

“Don’t think that will be a… uughh” Jimin easily pressed into you

“Problem”

“Good…fuck I’ll never get bored of how good you feel” he praised commencing the bucking of his hips. His hands slid and trickled up your arms to cup around your balled up fists; hips thrusting stronger reaching that velvet patch inside you. You un-clenched your fist allowing your fingers to cross with his.

“You better cum quick beautiful someone’s coming” he stuttered in your ear. Oddly, the heightened risk of your exposure had you clenching around him

“Pleeaasee… keep doing that” he pleaded with desperation against your neck. The conscious intermittent tensing of your core had the muscles holding more pleasure each time.

Desperate relieved climaxes ravaged the pair of you; he left no time for you to enjoy the come down leaving you. Apparently there was no time to recover your underwear from the floor as he sorted himself out. You swept your hair hurriedly over your right shoulder; Jimin lost control and managed to clamp his mouth down hard at where your shoulder and neck met. It being ‘that’ time of the month his teeth were sharper; you’d been left with a nearly full mouth bite on your skin, tiny dots of blood had started emerging through bits of the red mark

“It’s not enough is it” he asked in breathy recovery.

“No” annoyed at the satisfaction that you was yet to feel. Hungry smirk on his face, his normal coffee coloured eyes melted into a boiling swirl of chocolate.

“Welcome to full moon day” he grabbed your hand and started walking with you; leaves and twigs crinkling under you. A person entered the woodland tree cove glancing your way mildly puzzled why you weren’t walking on the path.

“I’ll be fucking you again before my cum’s even finished leaking out of you” As sexy as his words were it was going to be an uncomfortable rushed walk to your dorm.

//

Apparently he didn’t want to wait the distance to your dorm so he directed you to his. His living space passed you in a flash before you shoved him onto his bed; he stripped himself as you went to his bottom draw.

“Will this be enough?” enquiring holding the short handled flogger and pinwheel in your hand.

“Better see if it is” he challenged. You rushed off your clothes in an impatient flurry

“Please ….” His impatiently fuelled whine escaped as you straddled him. Your needs mirrored his but you was slightly in more control this time round.

“I’m not ready yet “you lied, and he knew it.

His chest blooming red in strips where the leather had struck.

“Harder” you granted his request putting more weight into the pin wheel on his chest, pricks of blood bubbling up from the tiny holes.

You couldn’t explain it, everything you felt was intensified today, yet you feel you needed to max out your tolerance which was apparently infinite today. You assumed it was the same for him. The throbbing in between your legs became unbearable, a screaming siren refusing to be silenced.

“How about now, I’m begging you”

“Is that really begging though? I can’t even tell how much I need to hear you whine for me. I need to feel you so bad. Maybe I should just get myself off to watch you squirm” you rocked your hips so his member could feel just how bad.

“Noooo, I can’t, come on that’s not fair, you’re feeling what I’m feeling right now. Please let me fuck you, I want you shouting my name, I want your muscles to ache, I need you quivering around me while I fill you up”

“Mmmm much better” kissing him harshly while you let him flip you on your back.

“I’ve never wanted to beg for anyone before, you’re just on another level”

“I’ve never let anyone have control before, you’re just too intoxicat…” The pleasure of him pushing into your shocked your system, you’d never felt anything like it, you were almost worried how much your climax was going to ruin you. If it was going to be like this every full moon the fact your life had been turned on its head it was worth it and you’d even look forward to it.

“Jesus, I’m going to be waiting for the full moon so much, this is incredible” his head dropped. The dark hair hanging shading his face as he needed a moment.

I swear he’s reading my mind

“I’ve got to go slow otherwise I might explode” he breathed in between a sloppy kiss at your mouth

“Agreed” his hips rocked in even bucks leaving him fully inside you for a perfect second before painfully slowly leaving you; tip hovering at your entrance. The slow build up was blissfully exhausting. Muscles already struggling to hold the tension. His chest flush to you; a thin layer moisture starting to permeate from the contact; him being overwhelmed rendering his arms incapable of supporting. All of his energy focused onto not losing control. His palm spreading across the bottom of your cheek and neck. The only support he could manage was on his forearm pushing into the mattress. Head nuzzled in your neck; he couldn’t get enough of your scent. Every time you fucked, his head already gets drawn there; like a bee to the most delicious pollen.

Fingertips digging into his lower waist; a wasted attempt at diffusing the painful tension building in your core.

Out of nowhere his hips stuttered, teeth latching onto your already sore neck. You didn’t think you were ready but the deepness of his moan; so deep and melodic sent you spiralling over the edge. Your climax ravaged your system for what felt like ages; to the point you couldn’t take it. Like you had a choice at this point; your spasming muscles swept your body into a tsunami of feeling; washing all strength from you.

What weight wasn’t on you was now dropped onto you. Heavy pants permeated into the room.

With him still inside you and the pressure against your clit was feeding your aftershocks; you knew he’d picked up on this when he’d starting moving in gentle circles. The sensitivity was too much!

“Alright! No more please” you pleaded, he obliged rolling over next to you exhaling a chuckle

“Well that was… intense” you finally managed.

“I can’t even right now, I’ve never experienced something so damn euphoric” You knew it was mostly down to you being essences or whatever but you still took it as compliment for the sake of your ego.

“Shit!” you exclaimed when you clocked the time on your phone. Shooting out of bed rummaging everywhere retrieving your clothes. Jimin equally panic stricken, the last thing he wanted for your first change was to not be in a secure environment. You wouldn’t cope with not knowing if you’d hurt anything or anybody.

Your legs ached and burned by the time you’d power walked to Yoongi’s second house, yes second!

The basement was a hive of activity. You’d been shocked to learn Hoseok and Laura were also of the wolfy nature. It did kind of baffle you how a dance and Virology major became such good friends.  All of the guys had welcomed you and bonded to you as one of their own. Yoongi’s shoulders relaxed when his eyes finally reached you.

“You guys reek of sex” You was unsure if this was a casual scold or an amused statement, his stoic face gave nothing away. The others chuckled

At least they have a filter to not say anything, avoiding you the awkwardness of the blood rushing to your cheeks. The clank of the metal gates rattled through your sensitive ears as they were shut. Each caged now occupied by a person slowly undressing.

“It saves the clothes” Jimin explained without prompting; he was shoving the bag with your clean stuff into a metal grey cabinet at the far end of the cage. Any oxytocin racing your system was purged and replaced regretfully with adrenaline. Your heart rate raced with fear slowly filling your eyes.

“You’ll be fine Y/N” Hoseok called.

“It will be morning before you know it” Yoongi added placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. You leapt into his arms and squeezed him tight; when you felt a squeeze back he pulled back.

“Go on” he prompted.

“You’ll be with Jimin, you’’ll be fine, he’s probably the sweetest natured out of all of us” You offered a weak smile, any confidence drained. Jimin took your hand and lead you into your confinement. He shut the door reaching through the bars and turned the key and left it in the lock.

“Shouldn’t we take it out?”

“Wolves don’t tend to have thumbs, we’ll be secure I promise” He tried to keep his response as sincere as possible but a definite smirk leaked through; corrupting his lips.

“Hey I’m new to this!” you complained. He motioned his fingers beckoning you to him, you really wanted to pout and refuse but your body beat you to it carrying you to him. His hand sloped at your cheeks

“I know, I’m sorry. Do you want me to chain you up?”

“I got it” you confirmed slipping out of your jeans and jumper. Your eyes were scatty, no one but Jimin could see you exposed but being in such an open space still made you slightly uncomfortable. The nippy draught instantly dragged goose-bumps onto your skin; covering you.

“Wish you were chained up under better circumstances” He clinked the heavy shackles shut round his ankles, he sat knees up leaning against the wall in nothing but his boxers staring up at the ceiling.

“Wish you realised when to be more appropriate” You teased back, not fully against the idea he suggested.

“You’d hate that”

“I suppose that’s true” you confessed sliding down to the floor in your underwear

“You’ll lose them” he pointed directly at you, you followed his finger direction as best you could; assuming he meant your underwear.

“I’d rather lose one set a month than sit in cage completely naked”

He held his hand up in defeat agreeing with you.

“What happens now?”

“We just wait, you’ll probably turn first seeing as you…”

Every nerve you had burst into flames, ricocheting through all your muscles as the shift took hold of you.

#bts smut #ksmutclub #kscproject #kwritersworldnet #smutcentralnet #sub-bts-network #bangtanarmynet #networkbangtan #btsguild #jimin smut #park jimin #BTS jimin #28 days #jimin x reader

[ravenpufff]

Different ways to say “I love you” meme

(since evidently this blog will contain more writing... I figured I’d post this here to conveniently cry over them later).

Word Count: 1,073 (ish)

TW: none? it’s fluffy

Characters:

Alex x Claudia (Uni AU)

Daniel x Beth

Robert x Sam (AU)

@malcolmbrights (and also @infinitelonging cuz she likes our ships :D)

Alex x Cloud (Uni AU)

The dorm bed was narrow already without Claudia there, but Alex couldn’t kick her out now, not when she was asleep next to him. They had fallen asleep post-drunk sex, but he always slept poorly after drinking. He had woken up when a dorm mate down the hall dropped something before quickly shutting the noise into his own dorm room, but Alex couldn’t go back to sleep. He didn’t feel like getting out of bed either. His body was heavy, but his mind was wide awake.

 Alex noticed Claudia flinch in her sleep, and she sort of whimpered the way he’d never seen her do before. He could see her face in the faint street lights outside coming in through the cracks of the blinds on his windows. Her breathing was getting shallow... fearful. Her eyes fluttered open into Alex’s dark room, and they settled onto Alex’s face. She looked vulnerable and she seemed to want to get up and leave, but she was still shaken and catching her breath.

The man reached out slowly, gauging Claudia’s reaction, especially since he knew they were both weird about being touched. She didn’t move away, but she still watched him as she calmed her breathing.

“Shh, it’s just a nightmare,” he comforted her as he cupped her cheek.

He felt her body slowly relax and her breathing even out.

Alex shifted his body to bring Claudia closer. He hugged her tightly, the way she sometimes did when he had a panic attack. He also noticed that he didn’t mind cuddling in that moment, although he usually hated that kind of thing, especially with Claudia. The tenderness was strange coming from him, but she seemed to accept it anyway.

Beth x Dan (Regular verse)

    Beth looked a little worse for wear, but Daniel still couldn’t help but think she looked beautiful. She looked like she had been crying, but he waited for her to say what was on her mind. 

They sat on the roof of his apartment with a 6-pack and a haphazardly laid out blanket. Dan had even fit a makeshift lock over the door to make sure nobody tried to come out there for a smoke or something.

He opened one of the beers and handed Beth one before opening another for himself. He drank deeply and sighed.

“I’m sick of this place,” Beth began.

“This city?” He turned to look at her before taking another sip of his drink.

“Work is bullshit. People are shit all around. Sometimes I wonder why I stick around.”

There was a beat between what Beth said and what Daniel was thinking, and it was coming out of his mouth before he fully realized it.

“I kinda hope you’d want to stick around… because it would suck if you left. I can’t lose you again.”

Beth looked completely taken aback by what he said, and she turned her body towards him.

“Fuck,” Dan muttered under his breath, “Why did I say that?”

He saw his best friend grin then, even though it was still a bit sad.

“Because you’d be lost without me, that’s why.”

He laughed, relieved by her joke. He drank deeply before burping loudly and replying , “You’re completely right about that.”

Sam x Robbie (AU where she gets pregnant before she graduates)

    Robert lounged around in his sweatpants on his day off. He missed Sam, but she seemed busy that day. She hadn’t replied to him all day, and when she did, it was brief. Almost cold. He frowned down at his phone, although the screen had timed out a long time ago. He was sort of willing the damn thing to start ringing.

    He was interrupted by a timid knock at the door instead. He never had visitors, and the only visitor he’d had around lately was Sam. She also had a key, so it didn’t make sense for her to knock.

    Rob rushed to the door and opened it without any hesitation. He was surprised to see Sam there. She looked worried sick about something, and he could see it. She wasn’t very hard to read by now.

    “Hey, babe. Are you okay?”

    He hugged her, but he could feel Sam grow a little stiff in his arms. She looked hesitant to come inside too, and now he was worried.

    Before the door was fully closed behind her, she rambled, “I know this is going to sound crazy, and I hate that this happened -- nonono, I’m happy it happened, but I just didn’t imagine it happening right now--”

    “Are you breaking up with me?” Rob sounded hopelessly sad.

    “What?” Sam looked at him wide eyed, clearly dumbfounded by his question. “No, of course not-- but if you want to after I tell you--”

    “Did you cheat on me?”

    “No… God no. Nononono-- that’s not it at all.”

    “Then, please just tell me. I’ve missed you all day, and you’re being really weird with me.”

    “I missed you too,” Sam sighed, “It’s just-- fuck it, Robbie I’m pregnant… like with your kid.”

    Rob lost the ability to speak for a few seconds, and he looked at her face and then at her not yet swollen belly. “Oh my fucking god… are you pranking me right now? Is this real? I just feel like everything I’m saying right now is all wrong. I’m so sorry.”

    “Are you having a meltdown?” Sam teased, although she was anxious to hear his response.

    “A little, but I’m in no way going to break up with you because you’re pregnant. We did this together. I’m here for you. We’ll figure it out as we go.”

    Sam burst into tears then, hugging him tightly like she always did.

    “Did you think I was some douchebag and gonna leave you pregnant for another hot girl or something?” He laughed, finding humor again, especially in the way they both acted. He kissed her on top of her head and then on her cheek.

    She nodded, now crying and laughing at Robbie’s stupid joke.

    “Sammy, baby. I’ll ask you properly when I’m tenured, but I think we should get married too.”

    She was now sobbing in his arms, his shirt getting drenched with her tears. He felt her nod against his body, and he smiled at her response.

    “I love you, and we’re going to be okay.”

    “I love--” she sniffled, “I love you too.”

#gems writing tag

[constantwritingblock]

Stolen Worlds 1

Queen of Thieves: Takes place just after the MC breaks up with Nikolai.

Avengers: Takes place during The Winter Soldier, but with additional characters.

Unknown!Nick Fury x reader, (previous) Nikolai Stirling x reader, platonic!Natasha Romanoff x reader, (eventual) Steve Rogers x reader.

Things take a positive turn for Y/N’s mission to infiltrate Hydra, though when she meets a certain Captain America, of whom she’s not supposed to at all, will that complicate things if she lies about who she truly is? Or is Rumlow’s attraction towards her distracting enough?

Chapter One

Getting out of the Gilded Poppy was easier than expected if you don’t count the numerous calls and texts from them awaiting a response or a way to track her, thank god for signal jammers, while she transferred some necessary data and contacts she made on her adventure.

It came to even more of a surprise for her with Fury. “For a supposed dead man he sure has a lot of connections still.” Muttering to herself, she scuffled her way down to her newly found desk. Fury had managed to pull some strings for her to have a placement within the already infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D.and her mission was to infiltrate Hydra. This was going to be fun for her. Working as a computer techie had its perks, she wouldn’t be going back in the field, something she asked for. That was the only part of their deal Fury had no light behind, but nevertheless respected her wishes and privacy, for once.

Y/N has put up with the most toughest of enemies in the past, going as far as to having torture them for information or to weasle her way in undercover missions, she hadn’t anticipated a certain Brock Rumlow to take her bait so quickly. She needed to be stealthy and cautious, he could be on to her and that was something she did not want to happen. It had taken a few rough months to gain the trust of him and others from Hydra for them to start confiding in her of updates. The other part of her mission was to feed the information to Captain America and Romanoff without being caught, so anonymity was vital.

The duo, who were doing their own investigations and schemes had recruited a Sam Wilson onto their team. Y/N was getting very anxious with their side of things, though the trio had no idea who she was going by the alias of Agent Z; it had given them great mixture of distrust in her. Which she fully understood, how couldn’t she?

Sighing for the upteenth time that day, she ignored another one of Remy’s calls. The Gilded Poppy were not giving up on her, concerned if she was alright. Luckily she kept one of her older phones that she used when she was doing spy work for the Organisation. Shuddering at the thought of her old life, she attempted at brushing it off, she needed to focus. Meeting with Rumlow was something she was getting used to alongside the odd gropes, but this meeting was different, she was finally meeting Alexander Pierce. Fury had stated his suspicions of him being the one to set the hit out on him. Hopefully this gave her more insight into the Winter Soldier.

Y/N was tactful, her advances in technology were made known to him, so she was silently praying that it would be enough to allow for more access to any classified issues. As she approached the end of the long hallway, Y/N felt one of her shifts hit stronger than normal. Someone was behind her, subtly changing her pace, she prepared for the worse when an arm slithered its way onto her waist, sending a grimy squeeze on her right side. Rumlow. Hiding her disgust she gave him a thin smile in greeting as a mischievous grin reciprocated.

“You know, after this, perhaps we could finally get some time alone.” The suggestion did intrigue her, she wasn’t new to sleeping with someone on the job, but for the safety of herself and revealing her true self she battled against it. “How about, you can jack off to the vision of me actually sleeping with you?” With that, she strode forward, forcing his grasp off her body to slip as the door opened and they both stepped inside. Before Brock could argue further with her, the sight of Pierce’s back was daunting enough to challenge him. “Sir.” The double agent coughed. Turning around ever so slowly, Pierce had a rather striking appearance, but Y/N was using her chance to to analyse him. So he’s the big boss man… well, I suppose it fits… She’d never met Pierce but has heard of him, from some brief talks with Fury in the past with liaisons between S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Organisation. Again, stop thinking about that right now, you can’t fuck this up. 

“Ah, so you must be the famous Agent Z. Agent Rumlow has spoken highly of you and your skills.” The older man had the nerve to smile at her and be polite. “I wouldn’t say my work is anything special, sir.”

Deciding to act all humble about it was a smart move, his eyes lit up. Great he wants someone to manipulate. Pierce chuckled, rather sinisterly, “Oh, sweetheart, don’t put yourself down. You’re the best I have seen in a long time and trust me, I’ve been working here for a long time. Now,” flicking a switch, he triggered the holographic computer screen to appear as well shut off all doors and windows, making the room completely safe from eavesdroppers and trapping Y/N, “let’s begin, shall we?”

Gesturing for her to sit down, she did so as Rumlow stood directly behind her chair. Gulping nervously, Y/N kept her thoughts at bay. “I want to introduce you to something that will further you to work for the best of the best. Have you ever considered… joining Hydra? Now, before you argue with me, I am aware you do have a criminal past… odd jobs here and there within mobs and gangs, then progressing yourself to change your tune, into a good citizen of life. But, when I saw your application process through to S.H.I.E.L.D., I knew that you can’t resist this kind of life.”

Taking deep breaths, it was a lot to take in, she was worried that he caught for her more physical resume. All of her work for those mobs and gangs did underlay that she was doing hacking jobs for them. “Yes, sir… I guess you must have seen right through my lie there, I just… I didn’t know how to grab the attention.”

“My dear, you have caught mine. What would you say to assisting me in making the world a better place?”

—

Stopping at a coffee house, Y/N couldn’t resist the urge to sigh. She needed a break from everything. Luckily for her, she was granted a day off, something she thought would’ve been rejected given her area of expertise was close to what Hydra wanted. Pierce has probably allowed this to rope me in further. Distracted by her own thoughts, she hadn’t noticed a blond gentleman asking if the seat before her was free. Blinking up at the man, she noted the gentle, genuine smile that crawled on his lips. Returning a smile of her own she allowed him to take the seat, finally realising how quickly the coffee shop had filled. I need to focus… though her thoughts said so, the man before her thought otherwise.

He kept a conversation flowing, apologising if he had disturbed her from her work, then beginning to question on what she was doing. “I don’t mean to disturb you, but the look on your face is quite a sight ma’am.” He chuckled.

Shaking herself out of focus she fixed her attention on the blond, instant panic swept her. Shit, does he know who I am? Fuck fuck fuck, stay calm. “Ah, sorry, got a lot of uni work to catch up on. It’s hell.” Smiling and nodding along playfully she played along to his antics. “I bet it is. I’m Steve, what’s your name?”

Her eyes widened in horror as she finally took a moment to look at him. Shit, Captain America is right in front of me...

—

“You what? How on this damned earth could you have bumped into him Y/L/N!?” Fury’s voice resonated through the practically empty apartment she had supplied for him. The former director began pacing, almost wearing out his shoes and the floorboards beneath him.

“Well, it’s not as if I knew that was gonna happen Fury? Besides he didn’t recognise me and I gave an alias to him, so be glad I was able to think quick on my feet. What I want to know though, is why I can’t tell Captain Rogers that I am their mole in their little operation.”

“I can’t risk having anything happening to you. Let’s put it that way and it doesn’t help when you don’t want to be in the field and be stuck behind a screen all day.”

—

“Let me get this straight Rogers, you gave a stranger your actual name and just hoped she wasn’t Hydra?!” Natasha was not one to irritate, Steve learnt this quick, but now he had to face her wrath.

“Nat, I doubt she was Hydra. There was something about her…” He could already predict the scoff that slipped out of the woman’s mouth seconds later. “Listen, if this gets back to me badly, I’ll take the fall for it. Besides, you’re the one that wanted me to get back into the dating game. I can’t really lie to her and then tell her the truth when everything’s over.”

She knew he was right but she couldn’t go back and change the past. “Alright, but I’m telling you, anything bad happens because of this, then we’ll be royally fucked.”

—

Y/N was getting to a breaking point already. She was a bit rusty with this however, there’s too much violence for her liking. At least phase two was done for her. Though as she got to work and proved herself over and over, secretly storing information she perceived as valuable to taking them down, she couldn’t help but miss watching Zoe doing all the hacking things.

It gave her a break for certain, she wasn’t heavily relied on for the things she used to do and is currently doing now compared to when she was living the life of infamous luxury. But she did miss it. The image of Zoe tapping away on her phone when they were out and about, moving the cameras from seeing them as a group as they all pranced, planning or celebrating. The look on his face as he smiled at her, fingers slipping into her own, muttering something about not wanting to lose her from her excitedness.

A soft expression played itself onto her face as she daydreamed her now old life. Though it didn’t last long as the sound of a thud as coffee was placed on her desk rather abruptly, causing her to jump. “Looks like you could do with it.”

Rumlow. Again. The man had practically not left her side since, as if she was something he needed to protect. It made Y/N grimace at the thought of him wanting to do more with her, but she was glad that there were some rules that kept him from doing so, didn’t mean that he didn’t keep his distance. The only alone time she could grab alone time was when he had to deal with The Winter Soldier. From that, she managed to complete the USB stick to stash in a vending machine, in the hospital where Fury’s body lay. She almost got caught by a woman with reddish hair. She’d rather not have anyone know her identity or even recruit her to help with such physical tasks of anything. Preferring to play behind a screen, doing all the cleaner work, allowing the others to get their hands dirty.

The last thing Y/N needed was for her name to smudged once more. Her work had been proven useful for Hydra, no one had to question her anymore, though she doubt they would with Rumlow spreading that she’s ‘his girl’. It helped her get promoted to The Winter Soldier project eventually and that was when shit got real for her. Captain America’s best friend is the Winter Soldier. It was a simple search online, but that made her uneasy with how she could tread with this information.

Steve Rogers. He had a good physique and for a man that was rumoured to be unable to talk to women, he held his own quite well. She never expected for the next events to happen. It was all so sudden, plus she had barely even met the guy and she was already growing a crush. I guess that’s what happens when you literally watch from the sidelines to ensure the plan is going accordingly...

#queen of thieves #remy chevalier #vivienne tang #nikolai stirling #leon kwan #zoe banks #jett slater #lovestruck queen of thieves #lovestruck #marvel #avengers #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #sam wilson #maria hill #nick fury #Bucky Barnes #the winter soldier #the guilded poppy #hydra #shield #Winter Soldier #alexander pierce #brock rumlow

[yaboymercury]

Ripping 9 to 5 - Doctor

(Re upload since the original was flagged for the pic)

Joe liked his usual doctor he was low energy, understanding and old which meant he was never usually stressed about going for appointment’s. But according to receptionist he’d retired and now he had no choice but ‘Dr Wright’ who had only just finished Med school and this was his first proper job.

It was only one of the last physio sessions for Joe’s recovery from his now-healed broken ankle but it was a pain it was with a new doctor.

His slightly anxious train of thought was interrupted by the receptionist saying that Dr Wright was ready for him.

Joe stood in front of the doctor’s door wondering if he should open it and if he did what he would say and generally overthinking the entire situation. But right as his hand grasped the door knob it was pulled forwards from the other side and with his still faulty angle he collapsed forwards through the entryway.

Fortunately for Joe he fell on something warm and quite quickly to momentarily break his fall. Unfortunately for both of them they both fell backwards onto the floor of the office on top of eachother.

“Shit, as if my first my first day couldn’t get any worse” Joe heard the stern voice mumbling as he blinked opening his eyes. Looking down the other man he couldn’t help but be stunned by him, his golden hair messed up by the fall still looked amazing, and his lips parted groaning in the pain from the fall seemed almost inviting.

But Joe had to get a grip. He was on top of the man who was supposed to be helping him. And with a jolt of pain from his ankle his moaned which unintentionally reminded the doctor of his presence.

“Oh crap sorry this is very unprofessional of me…” The doctor got out from under Joe and stood up brushing himself off and fixing his hair with one hand and offering the other to Joe on the floor “Let me help you up, especially since I probably just worsened your condition” He asked while bending down and giving Joe and apologetic smile.

How managed to get off the floor with the help of the man who introduced himself as Doctor Wright who when standing next to him he realised had an imposing physique standing a bit taller than him but his shoulders jutted out wider and his arms were massive.

Before they could get back into business a blast of freezing air came in through the wide open window making Joe shiver. It was the middle of winter and it was a cold day making Joe question the doctors sanity. His puzzled look at the window was noticed by the Doctor who again apologized explaining:

“Yeah it was getting quite stuffy in here and my last patient had some complaints so I had to open it, that didn’t stop him from leaving though”

“Why did he leave?” Joe asked a bit worried at the legitimacy of the doctor.

“Oh no nothing really that bad I think he just needed fresh air” He said with an embaressed smile scratching the back of his head. The doctor was so damn charming that it erased any doubt in Joe’s mind and just left him blushing.

After closing the windows Wright offered Joe a seat opposite him “Again sorry about all the informalities, let’s just help I can help your ankle”

“Don’t worry I’m sure you can do anything to help..” Joe trailed away not sure what he was saying and worried he was coming on too strong luckily the doctor ignored this.

He continued explaining all they had to do were a few stretches to help train the muscles. The bad news was that the stretches would be guided by the doctor, meaning a lot of physical contact, which Joe wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle.

“Okay so the first one is easy” He was standing in front of Joe but facing away, this was his first time noticing the doctor’s ass which was seemingly barely being held back by his work trousers which only helped emphasise the shape of his ass. One of his legs was now on the bed surface and he was stretching to his side, but all Joe could look at was how it contorted his ass and how amazing it looked when it moved.

“So do you get it?” Joe’s fantasy was interrupted and the doctor turned around to face the spaced out man. Joe had completely forgotten the stretch but instead of reprimanding him the Doctor only smiled and said “Okay that’s fine let me guide you through it”

Before Joe could even splutter out a response the doctor was behind him holding his waist in one hand and his inner thigh in the other. It was so intimate, Joe was practically being grinded on by how closer the doctor’s bulge was to his ass.

“Hah sorry about how close this is guess I should tell you I’m James by the way, always polite to at least tell them your name first” Oh god he was making sex jokes at a time like this, Joe was beginning to sweat as all he could do was force out a chuckle at the doctor who was practically groping him.

“Okay now I’m just going to raise your left leg onto the bed slowly and stabilise you with my other hand securely on your waist” Joe’s leg began to rise easily but as he did he realised a familiar feeling in his ass it was full of gas , shit shit shit, he couldn’t let it out now, not like this. His panic increased as his leg got onto the bed.

“Doc are you sure you need to show me all this I think my ankle is feeling fine actually?” Joe asked quickly.

“Hah yeah you’re funny, I like funny guys, but no I saw your x-rays your going to need all the stretches you can get” What the hell does he mean by he likes funny guys, is he gay as well? Joe knew he could worry about that now the James was pushing his waist so his upper body stretched towards his leg only straining Joe’s asshole more to try and hold it in.

But it couldn’t.

Prrrrrrrrrrrrt

It was an obvious clear sound followed quickly by the stink of the beans on toast Joe had eaten for breakfast. Joe actually enjoyed the smell of his own brew but he doubted the doctor felt the same was, especially when it’s right on his crotch.

He tried to find words to express apology, to make an excuse, to lighten the situation. But all he could do was splutter. Joe even tried to scuff his foot on the floor to make a similar sound but the carpet was incapable of this and the smell was undeniable.

Facing the consequences he turned his head a little to meet the face of the doctor who still held his waist.

“Wheeew guess that comes with the territory pretty stinking though I’d give it a strong 6 put of 10” he said grinning at Joe.

Joe was shocked. Why wasn’t this man disgusted surely this situation would be embaressing for both of them. So why was the only thing Joe could think to say…

“Only a six?” he got out as he turned around to face the other man who seemingly refused to take his hands of his waist, feeling the warmth radiating from him made Joe blush a little more.

“Not to brag..” James said shaking his ass with one of his hands behind his back which Joe wished he got a better view of “..but I’m pretty much a gas machine, back in my dorm at uni they used to call me 'Dr Stink’ and I kinda lived up to that name”

Momentarily regretting all he had said the Doctor’s voice became a little more coy finishing his explanation “So again not to brag but that burst of yours pales in comparison…”

Both of them were left in silence with Joe being stunned by the apparently stinky Doctor’s reveal.

Still surrounded in the smell of Joe’s emission James decided to break the tension with an awkward smile saying “So let’s continue with the stretches!”

Again standing facing away from Joe with his entrancing ass on show he made a wide stance with his feet apart and looked back at him.

“So this one’s a little easier just a basic forwards stretch, now copy my stance and we’ll do it together”

Joe stood the only place he could fit in the modest office, right behind him. James began to bend down until he reached the ground as he did so his ass began to almost break the seems of his trousers trying to escape with part of his crack showing at the top. Joe had to try not to stare but it was the only thing in his line of sight.

“Like what you see?” James was looking back at Joe from in between his legs, he caught him staring. He asked the question light-heartedly but Joe knew his answer would have been yes. “Well anyway you need to copy the stretch so come on”

Joe had nothing else to do except follow not wanting to be more awkward. It wasn’t until he began to bend forward that he realised how close his face was getting to the Doctor’s amazing ass. When his face got as close to the butt as it could from bending he couldn’t help but look up at it, he couldn’t resist.

The moment he looked up.

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPT

The air around his face shook, the force of the blast blew his hair since it was so close and he could feel the heat of it. Then the stink followed swiftly invading Joe’s senses with its rotten eggy stench.

“Ah I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist so I prepared a little punishment, oh and I also wanted to make sure you know that I live up to my title of 'Dr Stink’ after all.”

In his weak stance and so overpowered Joe’s legs gave out and he collapsed on the floor of the office coughing in the gas cloud which surrounded him.

Once again the doctor helped him off the ground and once again the doctor held his patient by the waist. James looked a little embaressed but mainly triumphant.

“I probably should have held back a bit more but at least you know what I can do” the doctor said winking at the patient in his hands.

Between coughs Joe managed to say “Yeah and it fucking reeks aren’t doctors supposed to make you healthier??” Joe managed to get out a smile with the last claim finding the humour in the situation.

Instead of laughing at the claim however he just smirked wrapping his hands around Joe’s wrists. “Well this doctor has noticed you staring at his ass and his ass had something to say about it” Smirking as he said the sentence he guided Joe’s hands to his ass so he could get a good feel.

Joe knew he should be more embaressed but all he could bring himself to do was grab at James’s ass. All room for rational thought had gone.

“I think by this point Joe we’ve moved past any pretence” in the middle of the sentence James let out a short fart on Joe’s hands which soon added to the stench surrounding the two. He pulled himself out of Joe’s arms and walked to the door locking it and then walked over to the window to shut the blinds. As he began to unbutton his shirt revealing his toned chest, he looked back to Joe and continued “You’ve been quite an unprofessional patient so I’m afraid this appointment will have to use some more extreme treatment”

Approaching closer to Joe who was getting more intimidated and aroused by the second he turned around in front of him and unzipped his trousers “It’s a treatment which I specifically specialise in and only I can cure your condition with”

He pulled his trousers slowly down letting his bare uncovered ass spill out in all it’s plentiful glory “That condition being the one barely held back by your underwear specifically”

Joe hadn’t even fully noticed the fact that his penis was completely stiff and easily visible in his jeans. He was lost for words and confused at what specifically about the situation was turning him on but before he could try and reason with him.

“So if we are going to continue with the procedure I’m going to need you to lie down on the bed so we can begin” Joe gulped at this knowing that whatever smelly treatment James gave him he wouldn’t be able to cope with it. He had a very sensitive nose and just one fart from the doctor nearly made him pass out. But he lost all rational thought when the barely clothed James grabbed his waist and began kissing his neck making his way up to his face and eventually on his mouth. It wasn’t the most romantic situation but the sensuality and intimacy overcame Joe as he gave in completely.

As they were kissing Joe managed to pull off his shirt and wriggle out of his trousers. Once he was only in his boxers James managed to lead him to the bed so he could fall back on it.

James bent over the bed so he could look down at the sprawled out man underneath him. Smiling down at Joe he teased him rubbing his bulge underneath the thin layer of fabric.

“I didn’t think I’d find a suitable sniffer on my first day so I’m shocked that a cute man like you would just stumble into my door and just let me start gassing him up.” In a quick flip of his leg James was straddling Joe with his ass over his chest and his erect dick pointing towards Joe’s underwear.

Backing his ass up closer to Joe’s face, Joe was getting more and more nauseated at the pure stench of his ass. The smell of stale farts drifted up his nostrils. Giving one last look back at him James winked “Hope you enjoy your prescription”

Then it smothered him James’s bare sweaty taint was on Joe’s face with his hole perfectly aligned with his nose.

FRRRRRRRRRRRRP

PPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRARP

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP

The barrage seemed endless and the gas began intoxicating Joe’s brain clouding any sense he had leading him to mindlessly moan simultaneously for freedom but also for more.

Then Joe felt James start sucking on his dick getting him closer to the release he needed and also the stimulation of their bodies increased as James began writhing on top of him rubbing his cock on Joe’s chest for further stimulation for himself.

FRRRRRT

PRRRRRRRRT

BRRAAAAAAAPT

The farts became less long but more frequent and had more power behind them helped by the fact that with James’s thrusting his ass was now beating against Joe’s face.

PRAAAAAAAP

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPT

PHHHHHHHRT

The stink was becoming so overwhelming but the pleasure was as well. Joe’s thoughts were becoming clouded by the rotten stench of James’s gas.

PRRRRRRRRAPT

That last blast was enough to push him over the edge with its extra hot burst of sour smelling stench. He came in James’s mouth and moaned into his ass. Seconds after he felt warmth on his stomach and a muffled moan and triumphant laugh from above signalling that James had release as well.

He could barely hear it from under his ass but he could make out: “Just one more….”

Fsssssssssssssssssssssssh

It was worse than anything else Joe had experienced and it all went straight up his nose singing his nose hair and the toxic stink pushed him over the edge. Passing out he all he experienced was the powerful stink, the heat on his face and the muffled sound of proud laughter.

Joe came to on the same bed but under a blanket and suitably cleaned up. The sun was setting reminding Joe of how much of the day he had lost. The room still had the faint stale stink of James’s gas proving it wasn’t all some crazy fever dream.

On the table next to him was a business card with a phone number next to 'Dr. James Wright’ on one side and some writing on the other.

'Patient seemed to react well to treatment but is under threat of facing repeat symptoms. Must report back at least weekly for repeat treatment and specific therapy’

It seemed to Joe that he was going to have to get used to his new prescription.

#eproctophilia #fart #fart story #fartfiction #gay #gay fart #male fart #stink #flatulence #r9t5 #man fart #reupload

[tsingadark]

I didn’t really want to put this out there, but I think I need to write this post to get this off my chest. I wouldn’t advise anyone to read this, but esp if you don’t like reading about anxiety and panic attacks, don’t read this!

while I was abroad last year in october, I got a cold and with it, blocked ears. If I had known this would be the beginning of an awful few months, I probably would’ve tried harder for something to be done about it. anyway, the doctor didn’t prescribe me anything and when the problem didn’t go away, I was only given an appointment with the nurse instead of the doctor since I didn’t need to see a doctor for my problem. obviously, the nurse couldn’t help either and I decided to just wait it out and go to the doctor as soon as I went home. I did that and I was prescribed antibiotics but they didn’t do anything except give me severe stress asthma the first day I started taking them. from there, everything went downhill. 

obviously I was super stressed about the asthma. I’ve had stress asthma before in extremely stressful situation (when I went to uni the first time around and dropped out). I didn’t really perceive this as a stressful situation at first but having the asthma definitely made it worse. I eventually had a pretty bad panic attack and since I didn’t know it was a panic attack, just that I couldn’t breathe, I went to hospital. there, the doctor obviously couldn’t find anything and I was released after about 9 hours. 

a day later, I got extreme chest pain and I went to my doctor again who explained that this was because of the panic attack (this was also the first time he explained that it had been a panic attack, which I didn’t really believe at first, but made sense after some time). however, the pain didn’t really go away and if it did, it came back. I got prescribed physio therapy but this didn’t help at all. eventually, I finally had a lung doctor appointment after two months and got prescribed an asthma spray. I definitely helped, it just didn’t always help.. I still have problems with it but I’ll talk about that in a while. I also finally had an appointment at an ENT doctor (the second one since the first one really did not help at all) and he told me I had to get surgery for my nose since it was too small on the inside, which is why I was having such problems with blocked ears and why my nose was constantly running. I decided to look for a doctor in the town where I go to uni, otherwise I would’ve had to wait until October to get the surgery.

anyway, in April I moved into a new flat since uni was about to start but the pain got worse and worse, and I had to sit in a seminar every day for a few hours until the pain was so unbearable that I had to go to the doctor again and had a complete breakdown where I started sobbing uncontrollably and was given a sick note. (the sick note was literally all I got, I didn’t even get pain killers lmao). after this, things started looking up a bit bc I finally felt better. I started doing yoga, which helped immensely. I also started going to psychotherapeutic counselling but this didn’t really help me at first. It did get better though, until my surgery got closer and closer and I got a few really bad panic attacks because of it (I had one while I was sitting in a lecture and let me tell you, that was not fun). I constantly felt anxious for no apparent reason too (except the surgery), which I still do today.

the surgery actually went super well and I was in a bit of pain but it started to get better. I didn’t have panic attacks anymore and I thought that everything would be well once I had recovered. but oh boy, it was not well at all. 

I couldn’t do any sport since I was recovering which really did not help with my neck pain/chest pain. I got prescribed physio therapy again (already before the surgery) but this only helped for a short time and after I had all the lessons, the pain got worse again. I have to use a self-heating pad literally every day to help with the pain.

at some point, my anxiety got worse again and at this point I’m having a lot of panic attacks again, plus break downs every freaking day. the problem is that I get panic attacks over not being able to breathe properly but my anxiety furthers my stress asthma (I know it’s not the “real” asthma bc I went to the lung doctor and all of the results were literally perfect to the point where he told me I could reduce my dose) so it’s become this vicious circle of not being able to breathe bc of anxiety and then getting a panic attack bc my breathing gets even worse due to hyperventilating. even while writing this I can clearly feel a panic attack coming bc even talking about it makes me so fucking anxious. 

the ironic thing is that I usually feel really good after the panic attacks stop bc it temporarily makes the anxiety go away. but then it starts again after a while bc obviously all the things that make me anxious (university, responsibilities, being alone like all the time, etc etc) are not gone. and I know that the obvious thing would be to work on the root of this but it’s really not that easy. I can’t just stop doing things for uni, I can’t make my friends be there for me 24/7 and I honestly don’t want to stop participating in fandom stuff bc otherwise I feel like I will completely shrink in on myself and stop existing.

anyway, this year has honestly been the worst year of my life so far and that’s saying something considering what I went through last year. I tried writing a fanfic about this because writing usually makes it easier for me to work through my emotions and everything but I had another panic attack while doing that so I thought that wouldn’t be such a good idea lol.

so, Idek why I’m really writing this, except to get this off my chest. it might make me feel a bit better to get this out there, even if it’s just the really short version of what’s been going on. I feel like at this point I’m just waiting for something that won’t happen and it’s honestly so exhausting, I don’t know what to do anymore.

#tw: panic attacks #tw: anxiety #this is a bit depressing I guess #but that's my life hahaha #personal

[philsdrill]

Chapter 30: Intimacy

Fic Summary: “Everyone had a link with their soulmates, some could hear some of their partners thoughts, some had a tattoo that would appear with their partners name; for me, I knew when they got sick.” For a while Phil has thought that his soulmate might have an eating disorder and doesn’t expect to meet him in the restaurant where he works.

Genre: a lot of fluff, recovery, really fucking domestic, waiter!Phil

Warnings: eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, hospitals, panic attacks, references to past abuse, mentions of suicide, mentions of self-harm, a lot of awkwardness, small amounts of smut. This is potentially triggering so for your own sake, please think twice about reading if anything this might affect you.

Disclaimer: I don’t have personal experience with eating disorders, but have done some research. If I have anything about them wrong, feel free to send me an ask and I’ll sort it out.

Word Count (for this part): 6.4k

[Uploads will be hopefully every couple of weeks! (follow @philsdrill-updates to hear when I post)]

A/N: I hate that this took me more than three weeks, but uni work really takes up a lot of my time.

MASTERPOST

<= Previous Chapter

Dan’s POV:

We’d had a quiet few days since the night of the fire alarm and other less mentionable activities and today was Adam’s birthday. Tonight, Phil and I were taking Ethan and him out for a meal to celebrate. There was an unwritten rule between Phil and I, that I chose where we ate, but tonight I was letting Adam have the say.

It turned out that he was fairly easy to please and picked out a chain Italian restaurant. I realised about ten minutes after I agreed to this, that Phil may not actually be happy with the choice. This was where we’d eaten the night his lactose intolerance really hit him in the face. I’d need to consult him.

Phil, being fairly lenient, told me that this was fine, he’d just do what he’d been doing since he was diagnosed and choose his meal carefully.

Neither Adam or Ethan had any fancier clothes with them, so while Phil and I were in button-ups for the special occasion, they remained in t-shirts. They had showered separately and I had supervised Ethan shaving in our bathroom while Adam was in the shower.

We’d had a little discussion then, about heading out for this meal and they wanted to do anything afterwards.

“Do you and Adam want to do anything after dinner? Go to the cinema? Just have a quiet night in?” I had asked him.

Ethan was quiet for a few moments before giving me a response.

“Just come back here,” he’d said, pausing and turning a little pink, “I’ll be honest with you, we’re thinking we might actually… have sex. I’m ready, Adam thinks he’s ready, but we thought we could wait until his birthday as it was so close.”

“Awwhh cute,” I’d said, smiling, genuinely happy for them. “How about… I’ll need to ask Phil… but we could bring you guys back here, then the two of us go to the cinema. My first time was nerve-wracking as it was, without having to think about people in the next room.”

“That would be good,” Ethan had nodded, hopefully.

“I’ll go and ask Phil,” I’d told him, “I’m trusting you for two minutes alone.”

I left Ethan in our bathroom, knowing that he was in quite a good place today so he wasn’t too likely to do anything silly with his razor. I found Phil in the kitchen, where he was putting away the dishes from making Adam’s birthday cake earlier in the day.

“I’ve been talking to Ethan,” I explained, “And I’m proposing that we give him and Adam some time alone here later. We can drop them off and then go to the cinema or visit your parents or something?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Phil had agreed, “Which would you like to do?”

“Well you haven’t seen your parents in a while, so about we go see them,” I had suggested, knowing that they meant a lot to Phil and he was probably missing them.

Phil was pleased at this, at immediately phoned to check that his parents would be in later. They would be, so he kept the phone call short, with the promise we would be round later to talk in person.

I returned to the bathroom to find that Ethan had finished shaving and was now drying his face. When he lifted his face out of the towel, I knew he’d been fine alone, as he still looked cheerful, excited for our meal out.

Once we were all ready, we put on our coats and headed down to the car. The restaurant was a little further than Phil’s work, but still not too far away. We got taken to our table immediately when we arrived; booking earlier in the day had given us an advantage. Phil and I sat at one side of the table and Adam and Ethan sat at the other. I didn’t know what was standard practice for two couples having a dinner date of sorts, but it seemed like a comfortable arrangement.

Phil was pleased to find that the menu was marked out with dairy free options, meaning he had no need to ask. He picked out a tomato based pasta dish, Ethan and I both went for lasagne and Adam had what turned out to be a rather huge pizza.

Everyone was enjoying their food, myself included, but it got to a stage where I started to feel bad about eating it because of how good it tasted. To some, that might make no sense, but I knew there would be unhealthy things making it taste good and a small ball of anxiety was starting to grow in my chest as a result.

As I put my cutlery down, marking myself finished, Phil looked over at me in confusion. “But you’re enjoying it?” he questioned, probably puzzled to why I was stopping so soon.

“I know, but I’m starting to feel anxious about eating any more, so I think it’s best for me to stop,” I explained.

“Okay,” Phil nodded understandingly, lightly patting me on the back, “You did a good job anyway. Well done.”

--

Phil’s POV:

Dan had left quite a bit of his lasagne, but he’d done well and I understood that he didn’t want to eat any more. It was no surprise to me that when the dessert menu came around, Dan didn’t even open it. He would eat biscuits and the odd little treat at home now, but even I was unsure he’d handle the richness of some of these puddings.

There wasn’t a big selection that I could actually eat; most of them were ice cream based, or contained cream or milk chocolate. My selection was limited to either lemon or orange sorbet, or dark chocolate and raspberry cake. I went for the lemon sorbet, despite part of me wanting the chocolate cake, I knew I wouldn’t have room for it after all that pasta.

Ethan and Adam had an ice cream sundae to share, the big brother of the one I had had the last time I was here. I was a little jealous of it, but I knew I would spend the evening regretting it if I had one myself.

Dan was watching us eat our desserts, his face expressionless, but I could tell there was anxiety and a tad of jealousy hidden behind the mask. I knew from past occasions, that he wished he could eat desserts with no regrets, but he still wasn’t in the right place to manage that. I wasn’t too concerned about the mild anxiety symptoms he was showing, until he got up to go to the bathroom.

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” Dan had told me, wringing his hands together anxiously.

Instead of just saying ‘okay’ like would be normal, I froze, my subconscious telling me to go with him. I thought about it for a couple of seconds and decided that no, I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to show Dan I did trust him and let him go by himself, but I would ask him if he was feeling okay first.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked softly, giving him a knowing look that would tell him I knew he was feeling a bit anxious.

Nodding, Dan replied, “I just need to get out of here for a couple of minutes and splash some water on my face.”

“Okay,” I said, letting him go, “You go do that, but let me know if you need me.”

Dan still wasn’t back by the time we had finished our desserts, which was starting to get me worried. It must’ve been about ten minutes, maybe even fifteen. I knew he hadn’t been making himself sick, but he could be having an anxiety attack for all I knew. I decided to go and check he was okay.

I found Dan sitting on the counter by the sinks, doing some very focused breathing.

“Dan,” I said, softly, trying not to startle him, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just needed away from all the food for a couple minutes,” Dan explained, “I was feeling a bit anxious.”

“You’ve been here nearly fifteen minutes,” I informed him, “Nothing wrong with that, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dan nodded, “Honestly.”

“I believe you,” I told him, gently testing the waters of his okayness by gently squeezing his upper arm.

When Dan just leaned into me, I took that as permission to give him a hug. I brought my arms around him, but loosely enough that he’d still have space to breathe.

“We’re done now, so do you want to come back?” I asked him.

“Okay,” Dan nodded, resting his head against my stomach.

I gave Dan a hand up, then took his hand as we headed out the toilets.

“Did you take your medication?” I asked him casually as we made our way back to the table.

“No, it’s in my coat,” Dan said, shaking his head.

“Do you think you should take it?” I asked; although I was pretty sure the answer would be no, I wanted to make sure.

“No I think I’m good,” Dan said, “I would’ve texted you if I needed it.”

“Okay, good,” I nodded, “I’m glad you’re okay. We’ll get the bill and then we’ll head.”

It took me a few minutes to catch the eye of a waiter, despite being one myself, I hadn’t really got any better at this. Dan paid, insisting that he should be the one doing it as it was his brother’s birthday. We both knew though, that at the end of the day, it wouldn’t make any difference because we shared everything, money included.

When the bill was paid, the four of us, filled with food, headed out to the car. I drove back to the flat, where Dan passed his key over to Adam to let them get in without us.

“We won’t be back before eleven,” I told them, wanting to give them the assurance that we wouldn’t be invading their privacy too soon, “So that gives you nearly three hours to yourselves.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, both of them with a genuine smile on their faces.

Dan and I hovered for a minute in the carpark, to make sure they had got into the building okay, then I drove us to my parents house. My mum greeted us both with big hugs, then took us through to the living room where we said hello to my dad.

My mum quickly disappeared into the kitchen, which didn’t surprise me. She was probably trying to be hospitable; I think the need to make sure that everyone was sufficiently fed and watered was something that ran in the blood.

She arrived back with a tray of four steaming mugs, laying it down on the coffee table. Her hand resting on the milk jug, she looked over at Dan, “Dan, how do you take your coffee again?”

“Uhhh...” Dan hesitated, clearly put off by her presumptuousness, “I can’t have coffee.”

“Oh gosh, sorry, I’d forgotten,” my mum said quickly, clearly horrified at her mistake, “Would you like some tea instead?”

“That’d be good thanks,” Dan said, with a timid smile.

My mum passed out coffees to my dad and I, then headed back to the kitchen, letting Dan know that she’d just be two minutes with his tea. When everyone was settled with their hot drinks, we had a nice conversation. It wasn’t about anything in particular, but it was nice to just chat and catch up with each other. Everyone was very relaxed and even Dan seemed quite at home.

Eventually, my dad kept falling asleep and I was starting to feel tired too. Dan looked on the brink of nodding off, so I knew that was our signal to go. It had passed eleven, so we had given the boys the promised time alone.

I waited for an appropriate gap in the conversation, then interjected with an, “I think we should get going soon.”

It was a few minutes before this took effect, but eventually we managed to get out of our seats and to the front door, with my mum attempting to keep us longer. Before we left, we received even tighter hugs than those we had on arrival, my mum telling us that she missed us and wanted to see both of us more often. I’d be lying if I said that hadn’t brought a few tears to my eyes, and I knew as we headed back to the car that I needed to make more effort to keep in touch with my family.

I let Dan drive us home, taking a few minutes to dry my eyes and put a reminder in my phone to organise to meet up with my parents more often. I used to meet up with them for coffee quite often, but I had fallen out of the habit recently.

When we got back to our flat, we paid careful attention to being quiet, in case Adam and Ethan were asleep already. The door to their room was shut and we couldn’t hear anything, so they probably were.

Dan and I got ready for bed, but didn’t go to sleep immediately, making the most of a little alone time first. We didn’t do anything especially sexual, unless you counted removing our pyjamas to cuddle that little bit closer. I wasn’t generally the biggest fan of sleeping naked, but I knew Dan often craved that physical contact and I was feeling quite open to it tonight.

With Dan snuggled right up against me, I felt content, starting to understand slightly why he loved this so much. This nakedness was intimate, but not inherently sexual. I was used to only being this close to him in the heat of the moment, but I felt like this brought us that little bit closer. I knew Dan was putting a lot of trust in me to be with me like this, given his body confidence issues, so it meant a lot.

“You’re so beautiful,” I mumbled to him, wanting to let him know I felt that way, even if his insecurities aren't making themselves known at the moment.

“Thanks,” Dan mumbled, “And you are too. Thank you so much for doing this… Being this close makes me so…”

Dan trailed off, sounding a bit choked up.

“Emotional?” I finished for him, bringing my arms a bit tighter around him for a bit of support.

“I was gonna say happy, but yeah,” he mumbled.

Used to Dan’s occasional sporadic tears, I held him close until he regained control of his emotions. We relaxed after that, making the mutual agreement that now we would go to sleep. For once, I didn’t let the exposure bother me. With Dan by my side and a duvet as protection, I could do anything.

--

Dan’s POV:

In the morning, it took Phil a minute or two to decide whether to put on pyjamas or clothes. In the end, he followed my lead and went for something in between. We weren’t planning much today so it wouldn’t matter. The two us headed to the kitchen to have breakfast; we made no effort to be quiet, but we didn’t go to wake Adam and Ethan up, knowing they might need some privacy.

We’d finished eating, but remained at the table chatting and finishing our drinks, when Adam walked in. He was in his boxers, which made both of us do a double take, as he normally wore pyjamas. He definitely looked like he’d had sex last night, and was in need of a shower.

“Uhh… Dan, could I speak to you for a minute?” he asked, looking a little unsure of himself, “In private.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said, getting to my feet, “Let’s go to the office.”

I guided Adam into the office, in front of me and shut the door behind us. Adam took a seat on the desk chair and took a moment to collect himself before speaking to me. I knew what was coming, but I wanted him to be able to talk about it in the way he wanted to.

“Dan… we… Ethan and I did it last night…” he said, stumbling over his words slightly and turning a bit pink.

“I guessed… You look a bit dishevelled,” I chuckled, “How was it?”

“Good, really good, it's just he’s a bit sore and I wanted to ask what’s the best thing to do, like paracetamol or something?” Adam asked, sounding quite relieved to have got this off his chest.

“That’ll help, yeah,” I nodded, “Also, a little massage could help. You don’t need to be an expert; just get him to tell you what feels good. A bath is always a good shout; eases any pain and gets you both relaxed and cleaned up.”

“Umm, but it's just a shower in the bathroom?” Adam said, looking a tad confused.

“Oh gosh, so it is…” I said, realising that the bath was in mine and Phil’s ensuite. “Ahh… give me five minutes and I’ll go and get Phil and I’s bath sorted out.”

Adam started to reply, “You don’t need to...”

“Special treat, as it’s both of your first times,” I cut him off, “I’ll run the water in for you, but I won’t put any bubbles in, you should check those with Ethan first.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, a grateful smile growing on his face.

“If he’s still feeling a bit sore after the bath, we’ll give him some ibuprofen with his breakfast,” I suggested, “Make sure you communicate about that and one of you let me know.”

“Okay,” Adam nodded.

“Right, I’ll go and get Phil and we’ll make sure the bathroom is tidy,” I told him, “Go get your towels and clothes and whatever you need.”

Adam and I parted ways; I returned to the kitchen to let Phil know what was happening, “You want to help me tidy our bathroom? Ethan’s a bit sore so I’ve offered them use of the bath.”

“Yeah sure,” Phil said, getting to his feet, “They did it then?”

“Yup,” I nodded, as we walked along to our room, “It was kinda obvious from how Adam looked, but he wanted to let me know and well… ask about aftercare.”

Phil gave the bath a little clean, making sure the it was free from any hairs or dirt. I put away medicines and toiletries that had gotten spread across the bathroom. I knew we wouldn’t need to worry about Ethan doing anything with Adam around, but I wanted the place to be tidy for them.

When the two minute tidy and clean was done, I started some water running into the bath and sent Phil to let them know it was ready. Adam and Ethan arrived a minute later, Ethan walking a little finny and Adam carrying their towels and clothes.

“There’s nothing in there at the moment,” I said, gesturing to the bath, “I don’t want Ethan having an allergic reaction again, but you can have a look through our bath bombs and bubble baths and see if there’s anything suitable.”

I opened up the drawer of bubble bath and bath bombs and invited them to take a look through it, “I’ll leave you to it now. Hopefully this should help.”

Phil and I left them in peace, retreating to the living room to give them space.

“They looked happy,” Phil commented, “Maybe a little tired, but happy.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I think that’ll be good for them, to finally have that level of intimacy. You know that was a big step in our relationship. I know we’ve had different issues to get around than they have, but it brought us so much closer and I think that’s what they need right now.”

“And I’m glad we gave them the time alone last night,” Phil added, “Like they’re going to be navigating around your parents soon, so I’m glad they got this chance otherwise it might have been a lot more difficult for them.”

“I’m going to speak to my parents when we take them down,” I told Phil, “Not too much detail, but just to let them know that Adam and Ethan are sexually active. I think it's better that they’re aware, so they make sure to knock before they enter and all that.”

“Mmm,” Phil nodded, agreeing, “I hope they don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“I’ll make sure they don’t,” I said firmly, “I’ll make that explicitly clear to them, that I don’t want them being unnecessarily nosy or prying into what's private. They wouldn’t like Adam or I trying to find out details about their sex life, so hopefully they’ll understand.”

--

Eventually, Adam and Ethan emerged from our bathroom, looking all cosy and pink in the face, dressed in comfortable clothes. Phil encouraged them to help themselves to breakfast and after a nod from Adam, I looked Ethan out some ibuprofen.

When they were finished and had their dishes put away, Adam came over to the sofas with a question for me and Phil, “So, umm, could one of you maybe show me how the washing machine works?”

“Yeah, of course,” Phil said, getting up, “Go and get what all you want to wash and meet me there.”

I watched as Adam and Ethan disappeared to their room, then a minute or two later, reappeared with their arms bundled with sheets. They joined Phil in the kitchen, over by the washing machine. I couldn’t see what was going on from where I was sitting, but I listened to Phil’s little washing machine tutorial.

“So we’ll turn the knob to this mixed load option. That’s always a reasonable choice. We’re gonna press this to turn the spin speed down a little, otherwise it shakes to much and probably annoys the downstairs neighbours… and we usually do aqua plus to make sure everything is rinsed properly… so Ethan, that’s probably a good idea for you with your skin being sensitive to some soaps.”

I heard the washing machine rumble to a start, then a couple of moments later, the three of them emerged from the kitchen. Phil had one thing to say on the topic of washing, “Now, I’m hoping you’ll remember how to do all of that. If you feel your sheets need washed, you can just wash them… and Adam, hopefully your mum’s washing machine is similar, because you guys might be wanting to wash them yourself, rather than letting your mum discover… uhh certain substances.”

I laughed at Phil’s awkwardness to lighten the mood, “Yeah and I’m sure mum’ll appreciate you taking that job off her hands.”

Phil looked out some clean sheets for them to put on the bed, as the ones in the wash might not be dry in time. Making up the bed became another task that Adam and Ethan took on together, but then they never really left each other's’ sides. The morning turned to afternoon and the day continued to pass fairly uneventfully. Ethan and Adam had taken up playing video games on our various consoles, Phil was working on his application for cooking school and I to and fro-ed between Phil and doing some tidying and cleaning.

It was later in the afternoon, when Ethan came to me for a bit of advice. Adam had gone to the bathroom and Ethan took this an opportunity to come and see me for more painkillers. He came into the office, where I was sitting with Phil. Ethan wasn’t bothered by Phil’s presence and openly let me know that he was feeling a bit sore again.

“What kind of pain?” I asked softly, “Stinging? Or sore muscles down there?”

“Sore muscles,” Ethan nodded.

“Yeah, they won’t be used to that action, but they’ll get used to it in time,” I nodded, understanding what he was feeling. “Wait here and I’ll go and get you some more ibuprofen.”

I went to the kitchen and returned with ibuprofen, a snack and some water. I knew he wouldn’t have an empty stomach, but I would still rather he took them with something to eat. Ethan ate the snack, then swallowed the pills like a pro. Prescription medication got you used to pill swallowing eventually. At first, when I started antidepressants for anxiety, I struggled a lot with swallowing the pills. It didn’t help that my gag reflex was so sensitive. However, the only time that inability to swallow pills bothered me now was when I was mid-anxiety attack.

“Maybe go and lay down on your front for a bit” I suggested to Ethan, lightly patting his back, “And let one of us know if you need anything else?”

“Okay, I’ll go do that,” Ethan nodded, “Uhh... though could you maybe come with me until Adam’s out the bathroom?”

“Yeah, sure,” I said, getting up and following him through to his room.

I didn’t comment on Ethan’s request, but he clearly wasn’t comfortable being alone with himself at the moment. He wasn’t particularly showing any major signs of his depression at the moment, but with it being a mental illness, it didn’t show all that much. There were little telltale signs he was feeling down, like his slight trembling when he moved and the lack of a smile in his eyes.

He laid down on the bed and let out a sigh. I took this acknowledgement of his as a sign I could ask him how he was doing.

“Something wrong?” I asked softly, not wanting to put him on edge.

“Not really, just feeling a bit low,” he told me, “It’s hard to explain, I just don’t feel happy right now and I’m kinda tired. I know I should be happy because Adam and I had such a good time last night, and don’t get me wrong, I’m happy about that… but I’m just not happy in general… and it’s not that I’m incredibly unhappy, I’m just not happy enough to count as happy.”

“I think I kinda get where you’re coming from,” I nodded, trying to be understanding. I got a bit of what he was saying, but couldn’t fully understand, “Lie down and get some rest and even if you still feel tired afterwards, you’ll at least have the comfort of knowing it was good for you.”

“Mmm,” Ethan nodded, sitting down on the bed, then laying down and rolling over onto his front.

Adam came back a minute or two later and I briefly explained to him what was happening, “He was feeling a bit sore again so I’ve given him some more ibuprofen and I’ve suggested he lays down on his front for a bit. D’you maybe want to stay with him?”

“Yeah of course,” Adam nodded, getting up onto the bed and sitting next to Adam, resting a hand on his back.

“Yeah, I uhh… I’d kinda like some company,” Ethan told him, “I’m feeling a bit low at the moment.”

“I get you,” Adam nodded, “It’s not awful, but I’m feeling it too.”

“I’ll leave you guys alone, but Phil and I are just next door if you need anything,” I told them, wanting to assure them that there was support if each other wasn’t enough.

--

When I went to get the two of them for dinner, I found that Ethan was fast asleep and Adam was lying next to him, looking deep in thought.

“Dinner’s ready,” I told Adam quietly, “What are you thinking about?”

“School,” Adam responded quietly.

“Are you worried about what you’re missing?” I asked, knowing that could be something that was bothering him.

“Yeah, like I’ve missed quite a bit this year. I keep thinking I’ve caught up and then I find there’s things I don’t know and I’m missing more at the moment…” Adam explained, trailing off when he ran out of thoughts to explain.

“I think mum said she’d asked the school to keep track of it at the moment?” I said, wanting to confirm this with him.

“Yeah, she has, so that’ll help a lot, but it’s still going to be a lot for me to catch up on,” Adam explained.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “It’s probably not much consolation, but I believe in you. You’re generally good at getting over these sorts of hurdles.”

“Thanks,” Adam mumbled, sounding unconvinced.

“And I don’t know how much help he’ll be, but Ethan did AS Maths and English last year,” I reminded him, “He might be able to help you with some of it, especially as he’s not going to have any school work to worry about until September.”

“That’s a good point,” Adam nodded, looking slightly more cheerful, “I’ll ask him about that.”

“D’you want to wake him up and then come through for dinner?” I said, getting back to why I had come to speak to him in the first place.

“Okay, we’ll be through in a minute or two,” Adam said, turning to gently shake Ethan to start waking him up.

I left them to it and returned to the kitchen, where Phil was finishing plating up the food. I would’ve helped him to carry them through, but he required no such help with his waiter’s ability to carry four plates at once. Instead I started making ribena, knowing that everyone would be happy enough to have that to drink.

Phil and I sat down and were about to get started eating when Adam and Ethan emerged from their room and walked down the hallway towards us. Ethan looked very tired, but to be honest I expected that.

Ethan looked quite glum as he joined us at the table and I could see that Adam was being overtly loving towards him. After a moment or two, Adam gave us the explanation I was looking for.

“His depression kinda hit him in his sleep,” Adam explained, along with a slow nod from Ethan.

“Ahh,” I nodded, then directing a question at Ethan, “You feeling up to eating?”

“Kind of?” Ethan, said, sounding a little unsure, “I’ll certainly have some of it.”

“Okay,” I nodded, finishing that conversation there as I sensed he wasn’t really up for speaking or being spoken to.

--

Ethan and Adam had an early night, or rather they spent most of the evening cuddling in bed, because Ethan wasn’t feeling up to doing anything else. I discovered their cuddling when I went to ask Ethan a question from my mum. Some form she was filling in for him required his mother’s maiden name and that didn’t happen to be a piece of information that I knew about him. I found that they were both shirtless and under the duvet; in fact, they could’ve been completely naked but I didn’t need to know the answer to that. Ethan was wrapped in a rather loving embrace from Adam and he looked quite peaceful. He still looked tired and a bit down, but I think relaxing was taking the edge off it.

After finding out the answer to the question, I engaged in a little small talk, “Ethan, are you feeling a bit better now?”

“Mentally or physically?” he asked in response.

“How about both?” I prompted, really just wanting to know how he was feeling in general.

“Physically, yes. I've been relaxing and I think the muscle pain has gone now. Mentally, a little bit. Its helping me to have Adam here, to be this close to him, I feel less alone,” Ethan explained, shivering a little and snuggling a little deeper into Adam’s chest.

“Disadvantage of being shirtless is it can be a bit chilly,” Adam commented, rubbing his hand up and down Ethan’s chest.

Realising it was probably a bit far away for either of them to reach without ruining their cuddling, I grabbed the blanket at the end of the bed and passed it over to Adam, “I’ll leave you guys to it.”

“Dan, it's not as if we're gonna be doing anything?” Adam said, groaning.

“Yeah, but if I was sixteen and naked cuddling, I would be,” I said, laughing at Adam’s reaction.

“Dan, we're not naked,” Adam said, pulling duvet aside for a moment to reveal they did have pyjamas on further down, “We're keeping these on tonight. Ethan needs to rest.”

“I know, I know,” I laughed, “I’m just fulfilling my role as your brother and being a bit of a tease. Anyway, I will leave to it now, leave you to cuddle in peace. I’d better go and text Mum back before I forget.”

--

Later in the evening, when Phil and I eventually headed to bed, I approached him while he was getting changed and asked him if he was willing to sleep naked again.

“Umm not today,”Phil responded, a bit hesitantly, “Like I kinda liked it, but I'm not sure I'm in the mood tonight. How about a bath instead?”

I agreed to that, because that got me similarly close to Phil, gave me some of the skin contact I was craving, without him feeling uncomfortable. I knew Phil liked bathing together as much as I did, so that was a plus. Phil ran the bath and popped the bathbomb in, and when it was ready, we got in. As usual we had quite a relaxing time and I knew that even though I didn’t struggle too much with sleeping, this would let me sleep easier.

We put on pyjamas when we got out, or rather Phil put on pyjamas and I just put on the bottom half. Tonight I just felt like being close to Phil and I knew that extra couple of millimeters wouldn’t really make a difference, but it would in my heart.

As we cuddled in bed, Phil’s hands started to roam around my chest, but in a soft, caressing way, rather than anything sexual. I relaxed further into his touch and it briefly crossed my mind how just six months ago, having anyone near my bare stomach would have filled me with anxiety.

“I’m so much more comfortable with my stomach now and I’m happy about that,” I commented to Phil.

“I’m so proud of you, Dan,” Phil mumbled back, then took a breath and decided to continue, “I remember when we met it was such a big step for you to let me anywhere near your stomach. You’ve come so far since then. You’re so much healthier, so much stronger. Okay, you still suffer from anxiety, but you’re even doing better with that now. I can tell you’re much more comfortable with your body, and not just around me - you hold yourself with so much more confidence now. I’ve cared for you since even before I met you, but I remember that first night we got fully intimate and how many confessions of love we shared. Dan, I know it's only a formality and this is really spur of the moment but I love you so much, will you marry me?”

I was rendered almost speechless by how quickly Phil’s little exclamation of pride had turned into a life changing speech. I managed to choke out a ‘yes’, before burying my face in the crook of Phil’s neck and starting to cry with how overwhelmed I was. Phil brought his arms and legs firmly around me and held me until I managed to regain a little control. He began to kiss me, despite the tears still rolling down my cheeks. We both knew they were happy tears, and in that moment all we wanted to do was seal the deal with a kiss.

When we eventually broke apart, both our lips a little sensitive from the kissing, we settled into a more relaxed embrace. I focused myself on my breathing, both a little overwhelmed with excitement and a little out of breath. Phil must’ve realised what I was doing, as he slowly rubbed his hand up and down my back, in time with my breaths.

After a while, I finally trusted myself to speak, “I guess we have some planning to do now.”

“Yup,” Phil laughed, “But let’s not worry about that just yet. How about we enjoy being engaged for a little while first?”

--

When Phil and I had climbed into bed after a long, relaxing bath, I would never have expected the night to go this way, but soon it became one full of passion as we embarked upon a journey of love-making.

It wasn’t lustful in the slightest; it wasn’t focused on reaching a high as fast as possible. Instead, Phil and I went from slow grinding into gradual stretching, then I took Phil slowly as I adjusted to his size. It had been a while, but I think that only added to the meaning. It was relaxed but filled with such intense sensation that I was left shaking in Phil’s arms as he grabbed some wipes from his bedside drawer to clean us up.

“Sweet dreams, fiancé,” Phil said to me as we finally settled down and succumbed to sleep.

--

The next day, Phil and I went ring shopping. Neither of us were bothered that we hadn’t done it in the traditional way of Phil proposing with a ring. While in a lot of heterosexual couples, the man might go without an engagement ring, we both agreed that we’d like to have matching rings. After a lot of discussion and comparing different rings, we eventually settled on a plain one, a simple white gold band without any jewels. We would get them engraved on the inside as a little personal detail, but we didn’t need anything flashy. Although they were expensive, they weren’t extortionate and Phil and I were able to afford them out of our savings.

It took a couple of days to get the rings engraved, so waited until we had them to let our parents know. Phil and I exchanged our rings, then got Ethan to act as our photographer and take few photos. We’d been hesitant to stage a kiss right in front of him at first, but Ethan got quite into the role of photographer and eventually suggested this. We were quite glad he did in the end, because the photo we selected was one of our clasped hands with the rings in the foreground, with a shallow depth of field leaving Dan and I kissing slightly blurred in the background. We both sent this to our parents, captionless. They would get the message.

Next Chapter =>

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #tw #tw; ed #phanfluff #phan fluff #soulmates #soulmate au #soulmateau #fandom #waiter!phil #ed #someday

[hyunarkarchive]

✿ royal survival show, episode 4 required solo; interview and hidden cam  outfit; x

{{ tw; plastic surgery/body image; insomnia; mentioning of panic attacks, breakdowns

elly was sure, this could do either really good, or really bad. but she wasn’t nervous, it was just like any other interview but with a lot more staff and maybe a tad bit more pressure.

she was just anxious, about the questions that were going to be tossed at her, because she didn’t want to lie to people about, mainly obvious things. but she didn’t want jiseob glaring at her to some extend next time he saw her because of things she’s said.

so, elly at least tried to make herself comfortable and enjoy the experience.

If you were born again, would you want to be an idol?

the question made elly hum and smile a bit. she’s been asked that quite a lot lately, but close friends and some family members, but he answer would always be the same.

“i actually wouldn’t, its not that its a bad job, i like it, enjoy it a lot even, but, i’d like to be a doctor. a surgeon to be precise, since i can’t do it this life, i’d hope i could be doing that for my next life.“

with that simple answer, in her opinion, the blonde waited for the crew to move onto the next question and listened quietly. smile still tugging on her lips, but it wasn’t long before it vanished.

Have you undergone plastic surgery? Would you like to have any?

now elly was in a slight dilemma. it was obvious she got a double eyelid surgery, like every double eyelid surgery was obvious. if it was well done, like her’s, you could only see the creases, but if its badly done, it causes swelling. she was glad she went to a good surgeon for it. she smiled a bit and spoke.

“i actually have. it was... quite a long time ago actually, while i was going to start uni, so that would be about five years ago, maybe six. its quite obvious actually, if people pay attention they will notice it.“ she said with a small shrug and continued “double eyelid surgery, its really popular and i’d say not always very good. if it’s not done incorrectly, you do actually get eye swelling that does not go down at all, and it can spread through your face. in the best case scenario, you are just left with the creases, which is basically where the surgery has happened in order to get the double eyelids.“ she pointed at her eyes and looked down. “its most evident when you look down, you see a little line, that’s basically it.“ she said and looked back up the camera. “you could say, some are better than others, some only use make up, but honestly i wouldn’t change anything about my body or face anymore, i’m happy with the way i look and i’m sure i would have been happy if i hadn’t done the eyelid surgery.“ she explained, fingers lacing as she nodded a bit. she was definitely getting killed.

Okay then. The next one is, where would you like to be in 5 years?

it made elly actually forget the previous question and she was sure her eyes sparkled at the question.“oh wow, that’s really close!“ elly said, laughing and running her fingers down her pony tail. “i think.. i want to be able to produce. to be known both as a member of this future girl group, and as a producer. even if im allowed to just do a little bit at a time, i’d be happy if the company allows me to collaborate with other artists. but in five years time, i would like to be known as a producer.“ that was her dream ever since she signed with royal, to be allowed to produce, but even if it seemed like a short time, a lot could happen in five years.

On that note, who would you like to collaborate with in the future? Any sunbae groups? Maybe youtubers?

“tablo sunbaenim from epik high.“ she didn’t even think twice about that. the blonde was aware that she sounded like an overly excited teen age girl, but honestly, tablo was lyrical master “there is so much to learn from him! bot production wise and lyrics wise. shoebox was a masterpiece, that really deserves more attention than it got. so much meaning put into songs and the album, a lot of artists featured on it, as well as many genres. and all well executed!“ she continued, smile still placed on her lips, she really was excited about this question. “another sunbae i’d like to work with would be king sunbaenim, from lc9. his voice really fits any genre, and i really liked when he release crazy with iron sunbaenim, i’d love to see more music like that, as well as more collaborations along those lines. ah there are so many others i can, say, but also- “ she paused not sure how to actually say this, without going maybe overboard “katie lee sunbaenim. i think if i had the chance to collab with her, i will be able to learn a lot, both as a performer and artist. so i would like to work with her as well.“ she said and nodded her head a bit. those were quite a few fixed choices she’d had for a while, and yes, maybe she was eager for that to happen someday, but she rarely was like that.

That’s nice to hear, how about your sleeping habits? How many hours of sleep do you normally get?

another question elly wasn’t sure if she should answer, so she hummed in thought. head tipping to the side as she shifted her gaze between the staff members “I actually, suffer from insomnia?” it was weird to finally say it out loud. she knew people close to her were aware of that, without even saying much, but usually people didn’t care about it “i sleep no more than a good two-three hours a night, if i am lucky. but i guess my body has been coping with it, nicely enough.” she said with a shrug “there is ways in order to get better, but i think it suits me for this lifestyle ive chosen, even if i sometimes fall asleep in weird places.” she said with a laugh and shrugged.

with that, she was told that the staff will have their own private talk outside, discuss about the interview further and elly was left alone. she didn’t like it initially, it made her feel way too trusted, but eventually, she decided not to think too much of it and leaned in her seat, letting her head fall back and sighed softly, enjoying the quiet atmosphere.

it was quiet, pleasantly quiet in her opinion, until something fell. being the type of person used to loud sounds, the blonde didn’t even seemed fazed about the noise until her eyes landed on the massive rip in the dress.

“what the fuck?” she muttered under her breath, english slipping by her lips, head tipping to the side as she sat up straight. her next move was to look around, in case someone has pushed it over, but she was alone that was stupid. elly looked at the mannequin yet again and studied it. she then got up and got it straighten up, as gently as possible and studied the tear. 

she wondered how expensive it was, and the thought made her shudder. so she turned to walk to the door, to call someone and tell them what’s happened, but three people walked in just as when was about to open the door, two of them, elly was in the room with a while back, producer and reporter, and then someone else.

“what have you done to the dress?!!“ 

the screech was definitely more than elly would have liked to say, but she eyed the dress, already feeling guilty even though she didn’t even touch it. 

“honestly.. it fell over? i don’t know how a mannequin tips over by itself, and tears a dress like that, but i swear-“ she raised her hands in defense. “i haven’t touched that dress itself, i just went and picked the mannequin up because it tipped over.“ she was awfully calm about the situation, but it all felt wrong. why was the designer suddenly here? why did they care about the dress so much even though there were three people in the room before that?

“i can pay for the damage caused. or buy it, honestly, whatever you think is better-“ elly said, willing to whip out her credit card and just hope the designer doesn’t have a panic attack or a breakdown, and hoped that the dress wasn’t like 20 million won or something like that. not that she couldn’t afford it, but it would be ridiculous to have it in such a place.

“i am serious, i can pay for the damage and discomfort caused.“ she insisted, already stepping back to her bag pack on the floor to get her wallet. she was being given looks by the staff, and she was okay with it. she wasn’t responsible for it, but she was scared that the designer would have a mental break down, she didn’t want to risk it. “will that be okay? or would you prefer anything else?“

#royalsurvival4 #;elly:survival #;wordcount/1552 #tw: body image #tw: insomnia #tw: panic attack #tw: breakdown

[georgiabread]

i’m not in the swing of things (yet)

summary: Sometimes Dan hates university and sometimes any reason to visit Phil is a good one. 

word count: 2.6k

trigger warnings: a mild panic attack

a/n: dan’s laundromat story probably wasn’t as angsty as this but 

The first thing that hits him when he plods into the laundromat is the smell. God, the smell. It’s artificial lime, pungent socks and sweat all blended into one odor to assault his nostrils. It almost activates his fight-or-flight response. But Wash, Dry, Fold, Repeat is the only laundry place within a 2-mile radius of his university, and the skinny jeans and cowl-neck cardigan he’s wearing are all that’s left clean. So, while the taste buds on his tongue squirm at the soapy smell of detergent, Dan finds a place in line behind some bored 20-year-old and waits. And waits. And ignores the anxious thundercloud roiling in his stomach.

He shifts his basket of filthy clothes with his knee – the handles are burning into his palms, and that bitter fragrance of underwear has become a little too much for his nose. He’ll be standing here for an hour, at most. There’s at least ten people in this queue, and dozens more slouched upon bench chairs as their clothes tumble about in dryers. And they’re all students. Their buzz of conversation is white noise in his ears, making his fingers twitch and his eyes quiver. They’re intimidating as hell, because Dan only moved into his dorm a week ago and he’s barely 19. Yesterday he had his first proper conversation with one of his housemates – his first social interaction on campus.

Meet people, comes the nasal voice of his mother, banging around his brain. University is so much easier when you have someone to share it with.

And, yeah – that’s probably true. But with one glance at the students crammed into this shitty laundromat, Dan can’t spot any potential friends. He doesn’t feel the urge to strike up a pleasant chat. All he feels is the urge to throw up, really.

He’s a bit pissed. This is a laundromat, of all places, and those irritating fingers of anxiety still crawl into his stomach and churn his last meal like butter. The queue shortens, and with every step, Dan’s chest tightens. And then it hits him – he doesn’t even know how to use laundry machines. The ones back home were simple; his mum even taught him how to work the buttons. But these are modern and unfamiliar, and how could he know which setting to choose and where to pour the detergent and how long he’d have to wait and–?

Dan closes his eyes, drags a stumbling breath through his nose, exhales. It’s okay, he tells himself. You might screw up a million times and keep everyone waiting, but it’s okay. (It isn’t).

He can find a poster with instructions or something. He can ignore everyone else in the room, and their piercing eyes that probably aren’t judging him but definitely could be. It’s fine.

Dan takes another slow breath. The laundromat is loud, stirring the butterflies behind his ribcage, but he tries to drown it out. Two people leave the line; he’s getting closer. His heart staggers in his chest. Why is this such a dramatic affair? He’s just washing his clothes. This is normal. This is routine. Dan pulls his eyes across the other students again. They gaze blankly at their phones, flip the pages of a textbook they’re reading, laugh and talk in small groups. They are normal. So why isn’t he?

Suddenly there’s violent movement in the corner of his eye, and a guy with a black parka and a tattoo on his neck is yanking on the door of a dryer and – and taking out someone else’s clothes? Dan’s mouth hangs open as the prat shoves his own things inside, nicking the time for himself without paying, and an innocent person’s clothes are left in a pitiful heap on the floor.

When another creep wanders past and steals a single sock from the pile, Dan decides he’s had enough. He’s not leaving his belongings here like they’re free to browse, and he’s finding it hard to breathe and he has to get out.

Lugging his basket on his hip, Dan slips out of the queue and pretty much bolts from the laundromat, his stomach still a raging storm.

Outside isn’t any better. Manchester University’s ancient brickwork looms above him, a scornful reminder of his prison home for the next three years. Dan blinks, and remembers his first lecture – a room with a thousand pairs of eyes and a droning professor, and the seats at the back, mocking him. Like they knew that’s where he would always be. Far away. Hidden. Alone.

Unwanted tears sting his eyes. He’s waging wars with cotton balls in his throat. Hunched on a stretch of pavement, clutching a laundry basket as blood drains from his knuckles, on the verge of a sudden breakdown…Dan can’t fucking do this.

But he still needs somewhere to wash his clothes.

With an ugly snivel, Dan finds his phone in his back pocket and flicks to his messages.

TO: phill ^.^

i’m coming over to do my laundry

The moment the text is delivered, Dan feels stupid. Then guilt tugs his lips into a deep frown. What kind of adult has to go to his boyfriend’s house to do laundry? The house in question is, like, on the other side of the city. Phil must be having a great afternoon in his apartment, and now Dan’s gonna ruin it with his bucket of dirty washing and his incessant whining about the pressures of public services.

But he can’t think of anything better, so he calls a taxi and watches it trundle over to the laundromat 10 minutes later. The driver throws him a questioning look when Dan hops in, beady eyes stuck to him as if waiting for an explanation to crawl out of Dan’s pile of clothes. It doesn’t.

As the city passes by the window in a blur, Dan lets the guilt set in. He revels in it. Takes satisfaction in the way he abuses himself (You’re such a shitty boyfriend. So annoying. You can’t do the simplest of things without panicking. Everyone else can use a laundromat, you’re just a freak).

The taxi halts outside Phil’s apartment building a while later, and Dan steps out bruised and tattered – emotionally. He hasn’t checked his phone since he last sent that message. He can’t read what Phil has to say, probably disappointed that Dan is so reliant on him despite being in university. God.

Then there’s a fiddly entrance, an empty elevator and he’s facing off with the front door of Phil’s apartment. He wonders if he should walk away. Maybe Phil isn’t at home? Maybe Phil doesn’t want to see him? But logic reminds him of the two weeks they’ve been apart; he sniffles, blinks away stranded tears and knocks gently on the wood.

Phil is waiting with a grin behind the door. “So, you only keep me around for my household appliances, huh?” is the first thing he says, crinkles forming around his eyes.

“Sorry,” Dan says heavily, a pathetic attempt at laughter fizzling out. “It’s just – there was a laundromat. But I couldn’t be there. I can use your washing machine, right?”

Phil shuffles back to let him in, raising his eyebrows. “Uh, no you can’t. Not until my worth is measured by something more.”

Dan’s fingers stiffen around his basket, throat thick. “…Well, I-I can leave if you don’t–” His words fracture.

That’s when Phil catches on, jokey expression fading as he leans in and pecks Dan on the cheek. “I’m only joking, you numpty. Go sit down, I’ll put these on for you.”

Dan protests as Phil steals the washing basket from his hands, and stands defeated in the hall when his boyfriend prances off towards the laundry. “You’re making me feel bad,” he cries after him.

“You don’t need to!”

“Well…I do anyway.”

Dan wipes at the mess around his nose. Wandering towards the lounge, he hides in his hands in his pockets and takes a deep breath. It doesn’t tremble. His anxieties linger on his shoulders, taunting him, but he now that he’s with Phil, some tumble off and land with a smack on the floor. This is more of a home than uni could ever be.

He flops into the creases of Phil’s couch, eyes landing on Final Fantasy paused on the TV. He notes everything sprawled across the coffee table: an empty mug, a crumb-scattered plate, a few uninteresting documents (bills, maybe). And Phil’s York University hoodie crumpled on the corner.

Dan stares at the green piece of fabric. He narrows his eyes. He scrutinizes it. Then he shrugs it on, only because all his jumpers are in the wash, he’s cold and – okay, he hasn’t seen Phil in ages and he misses him and his smell and his everything, so he wears the goddamn hoodie.

“I made you some tea,” Phil says when he returns, nudging a warm mug into Dan’s hands. The washing machine is background noise to quiet affection.

Careful not to spill the drink (a drop of milk and three teaspoons of sugar, just how he likes it) Dan pushes his face in Phil’s shoulder and clings to his shirt with his free hand. “Thanks,” he murmurs.

Phil noses at his hair and hides a kiss amongst the curls, an unspoken you’re welcome. “Also, green looks good on you.”

“That’s a lie.” Dan’s cheeks are dyed pink. “Your clothes just smell nice.”

This is the first time Dan addresses the taboo subject of sharing clothes. He hesitates. His eyes focus on a stray thread, dangling from Phil’s sleeve. He squeezes it between his thumb and forefinger and tears it off. He feels like he’s broken a promise of some sort.

But Phil just giggles, leaning into him despite the zero space left between their bodies. “I guess you’ll have to keep washing yours here so they can pick up my scent.”

“Shut up. I don’t wanna keep bothering you with my laundry, anyway.”

“You’re not a bother.”

“Uh, yeah I am. What kind of adult can’t wash his clothes? And has to drive all the way to his boyfriend’s house to do it as some kind of security blanket?”

“Dan, if you feel more comfortable here, that’s…you know that’s fine. Besides, you pretty much live here.”

Dan knows Phil is staring at him, waiting for a sign that it’s all okay. It’s not, but Dan still meets his eyes, watches them soften ever so slightly. “Whatever you say.”

“Dan, I’m being serious.” And crap, he’s got him worried. “We’re bloody dating, of course I want you around.”

Dan digs his teeth into his bottom lip, glancing away. Phil sighs and tries a different tactic. “Okay, what happened before? You said something about a laundromat…”

“Yeah, um,” – Dan rubs his eyes, scuffs a bit of fringe out of his face – “It was horrific. Someone stole another person’s clothes. And then, like, there were people there and it smelt disgusting and I had to wait an hour in line. I just – didn’t want to be there. And I know it’s fucking stupid, having a panic attack in a laundromat, but–”

“Dan.” Phil’s fingers brush over the back of his hand. “You could’ve called me.”

There’s a shrug. “Yeah. It wasn’t, you know, dramatic or anything. I just had to leave.”

“Well, I’m glad you came here.” Phil presses his lips against his temple. “What about the whole week? Was uni good so far?”

And Dan snorts, even though this probably isn’t something he should laugh at. “Oh my God, Phil. It sucked. I hid in my room the whole time to avoid my housemates, and showed up late to my first lecture so of course I had one thousand fucking people looking at me as I went all the way to the back of the room. And my professors must be in love with piling intense pressure on their students on the first day. Seriously, I’m so fucking stupid. The workload is massive; I’ll never get it done.”

Phil blinks. “What are you talking about? You’re one of the most intelligent people I know.”

“Not when it comes to fucking law.” Dan whines in the back of his throat, throwing his head against the couch. “Already a week in and I’m regretting everything.”

“It’s gonna get better, Dan. Everyone has a tough first week.”

“Do they? I don’t think everyone has a breakdown in the middle of a supermarket when they’re supposed to be buying cheese. Wait – fuck, I wasn’t gonna tell you that.” Dan trails off. He glares at the lukewarm contents of his mug until his eyes water. He grimaces at the aftertaste of his words, wide open and vulnerable.

He can hear the pity in Phil’s breath. Hands reach down to remove the tea and place it on the table before the boy hugs him and shelters him. Dan curls into Phil’s side.

“You should’ve called me,” Phil says. “I don’t care what I’m doing, I just want to be there when you’re sad. I hate it when you’re sad.”

Dan closes his eyes. Fuck, Phil. Then he opens them. “I tried calling my grandma, but she didn’t pick up.”

“Dan. Promise me, if no one else is available, that you’ll call me when you’re feeling shitty.”

“But I always feel guilty. What if you get sick of my problems?”

“Never. You have to promise.”

“I despise you.” Dan burrows into Phil’s chest. His next words he sews into the fibres of Phil’s shirt. “I promise.”

Phil kisses his hair and holds him like he’s porcelain. “Good. And yeah, uni sucks sometimes. I actually burst into tears in Tesco while I was buying tea towels. And during my first lecture, I tripped over trying to find a seat and half my stuff fell down a few rows. Everyone gasped. But it’s mostly really fun and as long as don’t procrastinate and take notes, assignments will be easy.”

“How do you even manage that on your first week? And you know procrastination is a chronic illness for me.”

“You’ll just have to come over to study and I’ll motivate you.”

A small disgruntled sound leaves Dan’s lips. “Why are you so nice to me? Idiot.”

“I prefer to call it supporting and caring for my boyfriend whom I love so much.”

“And the medal for the soppiest lad out there goes to Phil Lester, everybody.”

“I’ll wear it proudly.”

“In that case, I can’t be seen anywhere near you.”

Satisfied with Dan’s return to okay-ness, Phil giggles and seizes his controller. “Mind if we cuddle and I play Final Fantasy?”

“Nope.” Dan pops the p, tugging his sleeves over his hands and wriggling under Phil’s arm. “You suck at battles, though.”

“Hey. Not as hard as your mum sucked last night.”

“What the fuck.”

And Phil begins to shake with laughter, a boisterous thing that puts stars in his eyes and makes Dan feel a bit dizzy. A smile wriggles onto his face when the boy tips towards him, sprinkling I’m sorries through his giggles.

“I hate you,” Dan says.

Phil turns to him, gives him a look. Dan’s gaze trickles down his face until he gives in and touches their lips together, chaste and warm-scented. “But I also love you.”

“See? You can’t fool me, Howell.”

Phil resumes Final Fantasy and entwines their legs on the couch. A grin glued to his face, the tempest of anxiety dribbling away, Dan nestles into the quiet and comfort that is his boyfriend and dozes off to Sending a Dream into the Universe. Somewhere in the apartment, there is an ambience of clothes tumbling about in the washing machine, constant and calm and always there.

phanfics

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #dan and phil #phan fluff #phan angst #2010!dan #university #laundromats #lmao #i feel insecure about this one because other fic writers have posted laundromat fics which are far better but oh well

[auroraynld]

Focus!

A few months after i graduated from the university, i rarely met my uni-acquaintance. And to be really frank, i was rather happy for that. Till yesterday.

Yesterday, i went to the uni because there was an acquaintance (actually the one i used to consider as a friend) from the same peer group had her thesis defense. At first, i intended to come late, celebrate, and go, yet, her thesis defense finished late, so i had to wait for a while till she really came out of the room. Frankly, i really didn’t wanna go, i don’t really like her because of her attitude, and she’s quite annoying, and she had a crush to my boyfriend back then. Nevertheless, because of my moral and those “i don’t wanna any drama happens” thought, so i insisted myself to go to the thesis defense. 

And funny thing happen, the other drama actually happens, well, drama inside my head apparently.

The one that had the thesis defense was kinda have a problematic life, well no wonder coz she is problematic. She had an ex-boyfriend where that ex-bf was half-mad and terrorized her ever since the broke up. Plus, she is a very spoiled girl, so she always asked my peer group for the solution for every mistakes that she made. Funnily, those acquaintance on my peer group always responded her, yet not even one response to any of my bubble, lol. Nevertheless, she was afraid that that ex-bf was about to come, so she invited all of the boys that i dislike (tho they were the ones used to be considered as a friend of mine too) to come so they could protect her from the ex-bf. Silly huh? very.

Moving on, i finally came with my boyfriend. Up there, we met some of the boys, some of my peer group, and my bf frenemies (they used to be my friends too yet they seek for problems with me, that’s why). I followed my bf to say hi first to everyone who’s present on that place, yet, after that i ate the food that we brought in the other room since the waiting room was quite full and i really didn’t want to talk to any of them. Nevertheless, my boyfriend keep telling me to blend, no matter how i hate them. So, i tried. I sat next to my bf at first, tried to join the discussion, but the further i tried, the more i get annoyed and the more i get frustrated. Especially when my bf moved to talk to somebody else. Thus, i decided to find my peer group friend (tho if i really could, i wouldn’t) to get away from them. 

I found them. They were smoking in the different side of the building, talking bout college b.s. and un-productivities.

At least something i could relate to.

Yet after awhile, we need to return to the thesis room. And i had to meet them again, to listen to their brags on their career life etc.

And that’s why i really hate them. Not only because of their brags, but also because of their works weren’t actually that good back then, they made me suffer, and now they brag about their beings, career, and life. Fuck. 

Frankly, i really wanted to throw the chairs right to their faces.

Yet, i met one of my close friend, she had anxieties too, like me, and she was easily depressed too, like me. When she met one of my other friend, she had that panic attack that made her cry, i talk her out, helped her to calm down, and went to other floor with her, so at least i also could get away from those toxic people too for awhile. Not so long, we went back upstairs and took some pictures, then i went home with my boyfriend.

At first, i had this very bad mood and i really kinda had this unexplainable feelings of anger, annoyed, and sad. Yet, my boyfriend kept telling me to calm down, and everything’s gonna be ok. He repeated my therapist’s word of “those are none of your business, you have your own business, and none of them are theirs too.” to make me feel lighter and more confident of myself. And thankfully, it works.

Yet, i woke up feeling anxious. Again. Remembered about yesterday and the people that i hate. So, i decided to cut myself from social medias, especially my instagram’s main account, reduce my online activity from twitter, and start focusing on the standardized civil servant exam next October. Also, not to come to any of my peer-group events (s.a. tomorrow’s hangouts since i really hate 2 of them and i don’t wanna meet them for the sake of my mental health), come to any of my IR’s friend thesis defense (but my only close friend in IR--D), and even to come to the office, no thanks.

Anyways, i’ve done those cutting myself from the toxic friendship and social media. And to be real honest, i’m happy for that now. I had this happy hour and i did learn plenty of things for the CAT-CPNS test. From now on, i’m definitely gonna focus on them and rest my self from those toxic friends.

So, focus and don’t give up, Me!

[descantiques]

Do you ship Posner and Scripps? If you do, then how do you think they got together? And if you don't... why don't you?

i do! i’ve imagined lots of different scenarios, but i think the one that seems most natural and likely to me is that after their acceptance, in the short time before they move on to uni, posner is trying very hard to maintain ties with the few friends he has, and to finally get them to see him as an adult. they have get togethers and nights out, but in the end the only two that give him any sense of reliability are scripps and akthar, and scripps is the greater of the two. they probably go into their first term at school having casual study sessions and grabbing the occasional bite to eat. they become comfortable in a pattern, but they are usually doing their own things and just chatting with each other. posner frequently mentions dakin, and it’s usually a bit of a dead conversation when he does, as even he can see that his chances of winning dakin over are slimmer and slimmer every day. dakin hasn’t fallen in love with him at uni as he’d dreamed it would be, and he’s giving lots of sappy speeches about the pain of love, which scripps endures admirably.

it would be scripps that first realizes the attraction between them. maybe he’s always known, at least a little. he was the first one to see posner’s love for dakin, and was the one to make him privy to it. it’s only fitting that scripps now recognizes some affectionate looks and a particular pleasantness in their shared company. it isn’t entirely comfortable for scripps, at first. he’s generally not the type to get swept up in things; he’s the voice of reason. that is his prescribed position. but it’s hard not to start feeling a pull toward the irrational and romantic with ‘spaniel hearted’ posner, who deeply believes in every amorous sentiment he reads. scripps remembers all the would-bes and should-have-beens that dakin mulled over after what happened with irwin, and ll his talk about ‘the subjunctive.’ he thinks maybe he and posner are better left in such a space, where things are hoped for and never accomplished, but also never broken. besides, he doubts posner even recognizes his own feelings.

there’d be some sort of bubble-bursting moment that goes something like this: posner has one of the first of his breakdowns that will come to characterize the rest of his life. he doesn’t know how to manage them yet, or how to prevent them, and his anxious passions certainly do not help. maybe it’s because he saw dakin finally admit to not being straight, but it’s with another man. or maybe it’s because he’s realizing he’s exhausted with work and is losing the ability to press on when it feels like he’s always doing it alone. maybe he still doesn’t seem to fit in with the other boys, and even though this classmates didn’t even know him as a child, they still treat him as if he were one, as if he still looks barely old enough to be bar mitzvahed. no matter which of these contribute to it, it always ends with posner feeling alone and scared and unloved (”unkissed, unrejoicing, unembraced” and all that). scripps helps him through it and talks him down from a frenzy, and it is then, when he’s got an arm around him and rubs at his shoulder, does posner begin to understand a certain feeling of desire. 

maybe he poses the request as an impersonal one, where posner says he knows he’s going to end up alone, but that he’d like not to enter that darkness without knowing what everybody else gets to know. he asks scripps if he can kiss him. 

scripps knows that even if this is sincere it’s not the time to think of things like that. it would be like kissing him drunk, or asleep. it isn’t about HIM, it’s about wanting to have ANYONE, and as understanding and sympathetic as scripps can be, he’s not selfless enough to stand in for any warm body just to meet this request. he declines, and tells posner he should sleep, or get come cool towels and warm tea to calm him down. he doesn’t scold him, or tell him not to ask again, and secretly he does hope very much he’ll ask again, just… just not like this.

naturally, posner is mortified by the lack of response, and he can see the one good friendship he still has crumbling because he couldn’t think when to shut his mouth. this is different than dakin. dakin never really liked him at all, he thinks, but scripps does. he absolutely will NOT speak of anything like this again.

they spend a week in awkward non-communication. david makes up every excuse he could possibly think of not to see don. obviously don sees what’s going on, but he’s hoping david will figure things out on his own for once and not need him to spell it out, so he accepts the excuses and keeps saying that he’ll be here is david changes his mind.

people don’t really grow so much so fast, though, and fear is a powerful incentive. david does nothing, and the week becomes two, and then three. it is clearly on don to make the move here, and so he does, showing up at david’s room and trying to talk to him about what happened. david is not having it, insisting that he knows it was uncomfortable and it won’t happen again, but don’s like ‘LISTEN, that’s not what i’m saying. i’m going to tell you exactly why that’s not it, and then i’m going to kiss you and i’m telling you now so you won’t freak out and so you’ll pay close attention.’ he tells him that this was never about any kind of discomfort at kissing him, but at the idea that is wasn’t about him at all. david’s slowly losing all brainpower but he manages to clumsily interject that that isn’t true at all, and that OF COURSE it was about him, even if he didn’t know until he asked it, and don’s like to heck with this i had plans and a careful talk laid out but this is all a mess anyway and let’s just stop the damage here. their second kiss can be the real one they tell people about. this first one is just their lips pressed together after a murmured ‘fuck it’ and it’s still and resolved and very, very intentional. 

david doesn’t panic because he knew this was coming, and so he is ON THIS, and he maybe even feels like he might be doing a decent job kissing don back. he actually feels like of nice, like maybe he’s at least a little attractive when his arms wrap around his neck and he leans in just a little. the feeling won’t last forever, in fact it lasts about 7 seconds, as long as this weird first kiss. and then he feels like himself again, but a very unusually happy himself.

they make plans to go out properly sometime, but their real first date is just them studying in david’s dorm after this bizarre conversation with some inoffensive showtune instrumentals in the background.

lmao sorry this got Large but i still think it’s a fair answer to the ask

#||x ENTREZ S'IL VOUS PLAÎT [ answered asks ] #||x SHEER CALCULATED SILLINESS [ ooc ] #man i am realizing i don't ?? have a tag for these two literally what in the hell #ღ WITH YOUR SPANIEL HEART [ posner & scripps ] #there. FIXED. and now i need to go thru the scripps general tag and move the romantic stuff here rip....

[thehairypickle-plusone-blog]

And then at the end of the day it came apparent that you don't need to justify yourself in a world full of deception, false sense of security, and absurdity. You're sitting on the scale thinking you're Osama Bin Laden but really you're not. You look at yourself and you often hate the person staring back at you because life as you have ever known it has been about manipulation and lies. That's all you were taught. Aside all the good things you were taught you were also taught some very toxic and damaging things. You sought to heal pain in so many ways, sex, drugs, alcohol, toxic relationships. You walked a unique path. A rocky path, you paved away for relentless hours trying to make it smoother and better. However it would always crumble away like debris washing up on the shore. Your heart just broke. Then it broke 1000 times more and then you simply said. I cannot be broken anymore. I over share my life on social media. I have been ridiculed, threatened to stop it. Backed up against a wall and slammed for it. I won't stop. I won't stop because this is my journey. My world too not just yours. And if some poor being has to go through anything similar to what I've been through I want them to see stories like this and know. YOURE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE NOT THE DEVIL YOU ARE SIMPLY STARING INTO THE FIRES OF HELL BUT THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Anxiety is fucked. End of story really. The way in which it affects people from one person to another is also so uniquely different. Some can't breathe, get sweaty, hyperventilate, cry, burst in anger or frustration. Anxiety comes in all forms in all different strands of motion. The beginning of this is my self talk. My anxiety peaks when I'm a week out from my period. I will break down and be shaking going to put the groceries away because Ollies crying & it's too overwhelming this mess in front of me that needs fixing. Yes shopping becomes this huge mess and obstacle. Or anxiety about leaving the house. I can spend days at a time not going anywhere or too fearful to drive. Other times I'm like fuck anxiety I've got this so under control. Then something happens, someone says something or something goes wrong and I crumble. I play the situation or the words over and over in my head 1000000 times and still can't make sense of it and the pressure makes my head feel like it's going to burst. This I have learnt. Is normal. It's normal for people who battle with anxiety on the daily. It's also normal for people who don't have anxiety to have these moments too. Learning to understand acknowledge and work with not against my anxiety has been a huge ordeal. Originally I needed medication such as Valium & Seroquil to manage it. Then over time I weaned myself off the Valium. Came off the seroquil and took back some control over these panic attacks. In order for us to be fully functioning I'm a true believer in having your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing aligned. When part of that is out of shape the rest struggles to stand strong and support you. Allowing yourself to feel not what others tell or imply you should feel or do but listening to your heart, your inner self and going ok you know what? "Not today Satan". It's so not as easy as writing it like that all sounds. It takes medication sometimes to help with the initial calming of the peak of anxiety. Always always get a second opinion don't settle for being told a dead end road or limited resourced help. There is help out there, there are mental health plans, counselling, meditative therapies, pharmaceutical meds, there's never nothing. Mental health is strongly limited in its funding and accessibility through public health in Queensland. It's one of those things government still doesn't see the need for putting more funding into. Even though male suicides are at an all time high. 21 fathers a week commit suicide due to not being able to gain legal access to see their children and have their rights taken away from them. Yet where do they get to turn to when funding is so low, call centres can't answer the phone. Psychiatric units are full and under staffed to help out. Reach out always, always reach out. You are not alone, you are not a sociopathic psycho. You are you and you are allowed to have moments of weakness of struggle and difficulty with progression. Just know that you can pick up the phone true friends and family are always there. One of the best volunteer lines that runs strongly is lifelines helpline. One conversation can sometimes be the turn around. The escape you need to see the clarity of the situation. Our situations too often influence our different levels of anxiety. I know as a new mother my anxiety hit the roof. Being responsible for keeping another little human alive who is 100% dependant on you 24/7 with no instruction manual just mostly singing looking after this, precious as the finest cut diamond, screeching and painful as nails down a blackboard & more emotionally overwhelming than any love story you've ever seen. Also study, uni, exams, the pressure, the expectations. Work, being overworked. Not listening to your inner self. It's ok to get caught up to lose your breath. Just know this is not where the journey ends. Anxiety can be crippling for some and when people say "what are you so worried about? What's wrong?!" It's almost like you want to throw a meringue pie in their face. (But then you'd waste a really good pie and be more sad) it's as though you just want to scream "if I knew then I wouldn't be feeling like this!". It's complex it's not black and white. Hell if it was black and white we would have far less anxious ridden humans trotting around this planet earth. Change your self talk. It takes time. My inner self talk still puts me down, still lives so clung onto the past or fearful of the unknown, the future. I'm beginning to just try be "present". Being present is also a hard job. It's easy to be feet on the ground but spirit and soul flying way above and not connected with your being. Stay present, stay grounded, look at your loves, your achievements in life to this point, whether it be children, career, wellbeing. Absorb that goodness. And breathe and let go of the toxicity and the negative. I'm not saying this is the be all and end all of brilliant helpful tips but one thing I do when everything becomes overwhelming. I go to my fridge to get a glass of cold water and I stand and read the note on my fridge that reads "5 things I am grateful for". I just take time to reflect on each of those things and breathe. It's something small, doesn't always work especially if I'm pissed off or having a hard time with Ollie. Seeing "being Ollies Mummy" is sometimes like "ugh someone just take him for a second before my head explodes in this kitchen!". However it's good it sends those positive words through my head amongst the negative and most times succeeds in a more positive outcome. Unless there's beer then there's even more of a calming outcome whilst reading the 5 things..... kidding kind of not kidding, depends what day and time it is. So love and live loudly! Breathe and know you are so loved and so supported. Take time to step back. Give that negative inner self talk the arse. Be proactive. Treat others how you would like to be treated. We only get one shot at this crazy thing called life! So let's make it uniquely amazing no matter what our dark pasts or rocky paths in our journeys to this point. Stay wild. Xx

[datingadviceonreddit]

So, I met this guy, he's 25 and I'm 19. I met him in my first semester at uni, while he was in his second last. We met in a very absurd way, in which I approached him first as a joke, while I was wearing a jughead crown and asked him (he was just a random person walking past me that time) if he recognised who I was dressed as. I felt oddly attracted to him since that very day. Admited it was also because he is smoking hot and talked liked a proper gentleman. He started greeting me/waving at me every now and then after this and I developed a very, weird odd crush on him. Its difficult to explain. However, I used to linger outside his classes, as I didnt have any other way of seeing him, he barely spent any time in uni. Basically, the probability of him & I ever happening was 0 at that point but I tried. One day I bluntly went up to him and asked him to join me for lunch. He said yes and we spent more than an hour or two together. He asked me how old I was and he was a little caught off track at my age. It has bothered him since. Anywho, a few days later I asked him for his number and he bluntly walked away and said no. So heartbroken I gave up and winter vacations started and I assumed I was over him and that he'd be gone and graduated when I came back. On coming back, I ended up seeing him on the first day. The next day, he approached me and asked me to accompany him to get coffee. Shocked, I said yes. We spent a few 40 or something minutes together and upon asking him why he was hanging out with me, considering he'd just told me he doesnt hang out with people a lot, he said "you're different". Confused but flattered, I was like, alright, I'm just going to go with the flow with this guy. We started hanging out every now and then, and he ended up being in my group of friends' philosophy course. We hung out one on one many times, as friends, a lot. He also ended up drawing me for his art class and while doing so called me beautiful and gave me random compliments. One day while hanging out, he bluntly told me, that he knew I had liked him but we could never be together because of our 6 year age gap and that he'd experienced a lot and to him, I was a kid, but he loved to be friends with me. Broken, I said okay, and we exchanged numbers. Few days passed, he started befriending my friends, and introduced one of his other friends to us. He started hanging out with my group of friends (obviously with me) on a daily and quick enough we became super close, as a group. The only difference was, him & his friend, drank alcohol every now and then and did weed. We didnt, not because we didnt have opportunities, but because we never got into it. This, according to him was a blocking factor between him & I as well. We became super close. One day, he texted me drunk at 2am, followed by different incidents of the sorts. We never confronted these face to face, but my friends started to mention how he might like me as more than just a friend. I didnt exactly believe it, because Im a doubtful human, and his declaration of our age gap being too much. However, one day we were alone, and we started talking and our conversation got sexual. Now, I'm a virgin, and he's been with MANY women in his past. And we got really close until he jumped back and started shaking his head no. This moment, he admitted he has lots of sexual feelings for me, as do I for him. Howver, he doesnt want to have sex with me, because of me being virgin and pure and too young. He said he has to distance himself from me, but I really started liking him, even just as a friend, so I told him that wasnt an option for me. We agreed on being just friends. Things got intense after this, a glimpse, a touch, an excuse for a phone call, friends purposedly leaving us alone, hugs getting longer, hangouts getting longer, and during this time we ended up developing a very strong emotional connection. Our friendship got stronger, as did our feelings for each other. We started hanging out alone, in a seclluded hockey ground where we started off by just chilling, but started lying down together, watching the sky, reading together etc. By now my friends were certain he liked me a lot.A few days later he hung out with another few mutual friends, and they came to me later to tell me that throughout all he talked about, was me, and how Im a beautiful human being and hes never met someone like me etc, and he started texting me asking me why I wouldnt show up at such hangouts.weeks later we ended uo going to a music fest together. And that day, I drank with him for the first time and it was the most beautiful day ever. We danced together, sang together, experienced live music, just generally had tons of fun and we got very intimate. That night while we were sitting together, he kissed my head and bit my cheek randomly. Now I was sure he liked me.Weekend passes, and next week, he becomes distant and a bit off. We hang out, the 'same', except I start resting my head on his shoulder, he starts picking me up, spinning me around and just, getting real close. None of us talks about the weekend until one day we break and he asks me "What are we even doing?" and we get into a heated argument, where he confesses he really wants to ask me out, take me home, lie me down get some wine and just be with me. He ends up saying he doesnt even care about the sex, he just really likes me. But then he says I cant give him what he wants, like being able to spend the night at his place or show up at his place whenever and shit. While, yes I couldnt offer him that right now, it was something I would be able to offer in a while. Then he brought up the whole, he has to graduate and go abroad for 3 months problem. Confused, both of us came to no solution. He suggested we stayed friends until he came back and then tried this out, but then he declared hed hook up with girls in this time and I wasnt okay with that and he understood that. So we came to no conclusion, until I told him we could be just friends, until he came back and he could be with whoever, but then he himself told me he couldnt do that because it would hurt me. A nervous wreck, both of us just went and hung out with the rest of our friends and didnt continue this conversation. Things seemed okay until next Monday he didnt show up to uni and instead asked me to come over to his place. Nervous, I quickly got my things and went over. We started hanging out and just chilling until he started cuddling me and we ended up making out. It got real hit and heavy, clothes off, hands all over and went on for a bit until we stopped. We got high together that day as well and then he took me out on a date to get the best pizza, and we drove around for hours. It was the most beautiful day. We started hooking up almost every other day until one day I thought we'd have sex, but he told me he couldnt do that to me and thats not something we needed to do. We went on dates, he made me breakfast in bed, Id play with his dogs, his house staff recognised me now and people started to see us as a couple. We started dating. Until one day, we stopped. He started ignoring me a bit, I started losing my shit. This went on for a week until I confronted him and he told me we couldnt date. He said he started off thinking we could be just fuck buddies until he realised Im not that girl, and that I was a relationship girl and he would want me to meet his family and stuff, but he couldnt introduce me to them because, I looked TOO young and I made him feel like a kid from school, by having to sneak me in, take me home during daytime and stuff. Hurt, I ended up begging him to not leave. He said he wouldnt, but we'd be just friends. I said alright.Next week, he stops coming to classes, I start hearing about how he's drunk a lot and how hes sick. Worried I start calling him asking him to come to uni and stuff. He delays responses and I panic again. The thing is, we had barely 2 months before he left, and both of us had fallen hard for each other, the problem being, Im anxious as FUCK and he's calm. One day I end up telling him to see me the next day because I HAD to talk to him. We met and I bluntly told him, that we were just friends, I wasnt going to make any move on him now, apologised for coming off all clingy and that what happened, happened. And that Id love to give us a shot later when he returned, but until then, just friends. He calmed down and we went back to being normal. We hung out more and stuff until we, once again started getting physically close again. And now his friends told me how hes never been this way with a girl, and they started recognising me more, and asking me about where he was and stuff as if I was his girlfriend. We started hanging out, getting drunk together again and getting close and personal. He started going back to being a little romantic, and while he tried hiding it, it was obvious. One day we ended getting too close again and not sexually, our closeness just became intimacy. He ended up dropping me home one day and meeting my mom and promising her that he'd come over again and said hed have dinner with my parents before he left. His friends started telling me how Im all hes about and how hes genuinely in love with me and I, with him. We're going through a weird back and forth, where hes telling me hes going to be back in september amd how we should all go on trips together and shit. 2 days pass, and he starts being a little cold again. Everything seems fine, until a few days ago we got too close again and he bluntly says how him & I can never happen. I ask why and he says the age gap is too much. And he doesnt know when or if hes coming back, after when he goes abroad.The thing is, Im very much in love with him and him with me, and hes bluntly declared how he doesnt want any other woman, or hes sick of just sex, and how he doesnt have time for relationships etc, and his friends keep saying how hes too hooked on me to ever be with someone else.How do I deal with this? I have a strange feeling he thinks, I only want him for sex and that he'll never come back and that both of us will never move on and will always want to be with each other, but his age insecurity will hold him back for quiet a while. Im hurt, scared and confused. How do I be patient with him? via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit