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bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls · 3 months

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The Daily Dad — Feb 1, 2024

Things you might want to know:

•Norman Jewison, Oscar-nominated director of ‘In the Heat of the Night,’ dead at 97 💭 To me, he was the “director of Jesus Christ Superstar and Moonstruck”. Fare thee well, old man.

DC's new Supergirl is House of the Dragon's Milly Alcock ❝ Milly Alcock will play Supergirl in the new DC Universe, alongside David Corenswet's Man of Steel and other heroes.

Syphilis cases soar to highest level in 70 years — staggering 207,000 syphilis cases reported in US in 2022 — 80% increase since 2018 💭 What the flippin’ furry fuck are you horny weirdos doing out there? What bubbling cauldrons of genital-shriveling disease are you embracing? And what’s next? Macramé vests, AMC Gremlins, and 8-tracks? I mean, clearly, you desperate little shits are aiming to bring back all the worst aspects of the ‘70s…

Even princesses of Hell fail sometimes, as shown in this exclusive clip from Prime Video and A24's Hazbin Hotel ❝ The princess of Hell has a breakdown in this exclusive clip from A24's Hazbin Hotel

Disney aims to revamp Buffy the Vampire Slayer (with help from Dolly Parton) 💭 It’s a nothingburger of a story, and amounts to glorified Dolly Parton clickbait. But just to be clear: where there is no Joss Whedon, there should be no Buffy. If we’ve decided we no longer wish to hear from Joss —and “I” among “we” have not— then we should no longer have Buffy. I don’t want to see Jay & Silent Bob written by Tina Fey, either. Or Legally Blonde directed by Wes Anderson. (Okay, technically, I’d love to see those things. But only in trailer form.)

Arc Search Review: My New Default iPhone Browser ❝ Every once in a while, I come across a new app whose design, feature set, or combination of the two redefines my expectations for a particular category of software. The new Arc Search app for iPhone, which is launching today on the App Store as a separate app from The Browser Company’s previous Arc Companion

Pokimane's main reason for leaving Twitch: 'So much manosphere, red pill bullshit' 💭 I’m wondering if this was the inevitable result of the internet creating thousands upon thousands of micro-celebrities? I mean, what if the only reason this “manosphere” bullshit caught on is that thousands of men were suddenly vying against thousands of women for views, and the women had boobs on their side? Brazen macro-misogyny probably looks like a viable weapon when all you’re packing otherwise is a micro-penis and a backward baseball cap.

Florence Pugh: Camera Broke During 'Oppenheimer' Sex Scene ❝ The actress joked that the malfunction was “bad news for whoever had to give [Christopher Nolan] the news.”

Amy Hart reveals trolls dubbed her the 'fat one' on Love Island as she shares throwback bikini snaps 💭 Amy darling, first, I’m glad your life is going so well. Good for you. Second, you were never, ever “the fat one”. That was Anna. You were “the crazy-eyed desperate one”. But dysmorphia gonna morph, I suppose.

Meet the sexy Egyptology scholars who dress like Indiana Jones characters 💭 I’ve only read the first few paragraphs. But I looked at the pictures. Good grief.

Apple Introduces Transcripts for Podcasts ❝ I switch to Apple system apps every summer to test the latest versions of the company’s OSes. I usually return to my favorite third-party apps over time, but Apple Podcasts has been an outlier since last summer for various reasons. The app has come a long way in recent years…

Award-winning lesbian realtor, 50, is jailed for tricking 90 year-old man with dementia into thinking they were lovers 💭 Congratulations to whomever wrote that title. I don’t think you could make it more sensational without including a reference to “Satanic terrorist strap-ons” or something.

#news

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clarktooncrossing · 8 months

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HEY THERE PEOPLE OF TODAY AND ROBOTS OF TOMORROW! IT'S ME, CLARK!

For the last twelve years peeps have asked me if I was opened to commissions. I had only offered services like that once, resulting in a weird transformation comic where some dude gets turned into a sexy duck. Hey, guy's gotta pay for pizza somehow, folks. Especially when Pizza Monster keeps stealing mine! At this rate I should stop spending my moola on deep-dish and use it to fortify my home. Luckily I might be able to do so now, thanks to all of you out there! For you see, it was during those twelve years that a few of you kept coming back to my deviantART page to see what crazy new things the Clarktoons and I were up to. Whether it was to see how many characters I could cram into one Sketch BOOM, hear my thoughts regarding Christmas Specials in Giraffe's Eye View, or simply to witness whatever cute crap Bumper was up to, 500 of you weirdos liked whatever I was doing. I couldn't be more grateful to those 500 peeps. I've always said my purpose in life was to make people happy, so knowing I've done so for that many people helps remind me that I'm doing something right. You all are truly the best and there's nothing I could do to express my immense appreciation. Or is there? A few of you may recall my promising something whenever I reached that many followers. While I've been distracted with my recent hacking incident or preparing for the upcoming Holiday seasons, I didn't forget about said promise. At long last, I have opened myself up to commissions! If anybody out there wants me to draw some silly silly, I'm ready to do so [within reason]. Details and prices will be posted in a journal sometime soon, but for now let's get to a commission paid for by my friend @the-pale-servant.

She had paid me to draw a Full Body piece for her Hollow Knight OC, Giolla. I'd go deeper into detail, but I know next to nothing about these games. Instead here's Jart's description of the character for some context:

Well they are a vessel created by the Pale King and lived in the White Palace with the King and his Lady for a short while before their kingdom fell to ruins. Now they live their life as a wanderer and console the bugs dying of the Infection, their shield is memento from a friend and lover long passed from the plague

Let it be known that she also said I didn't have to know anything about the series to get this backstory. Uh huh. So I didn't have to know who the Pale King is or what significance the White Palace has, eh? Not to make this piece I didn't. This is actually my second attempt at drawing this character, the original sporting a different pose. I wasn't fond of how it turned out, so it was back to the drawing board with a better, more dynamic sketch. From there it was just a matter of coloring and getting Jart's approval, which only happened after I muted the colors. After years of making art that looks like Walt Disney's vomit, it feels so weird using darker colors. Still, my friend seemed to enjoy it as I hope the rest of you do. If anybody out there wants me to draw something like this with their own characters, be on the lookout for that upcoming journal and feel free to send me a Note via deviantART. Until then-

MAY THE GLASSES BE WITH YOU!

#hollow knight #commission #commission art #commissions open #knight #bug #sword #shield #Clarktoon Crossing

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anthroparis · 7 months

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this one is just for selfshippers.

hey there. hey you. art commissions are really great, right? I know I like them. it makes your ships feel canon, like your si has been in the media all along. just like fanart for canon x canon pairings. but canon x canon has something that you guys really lack - fanfic. wouldn't it be awesome having someone write you and your f/o your own fic? x reader is there, sure, but it's so impersonal- imagine reading your beloved call you by your name. an accurate description of your self-insert. every little quirk and beat about your relationship, just the way you envision it.

I do that. I write that.

"but wait" you say. "my f/o is too obscure!"

Wrong. I will write just about everyone. semi-unknown disney villain? weirdo scientist from an 80's flick? family guy character? Borat? I will write them. I will write them being in love with you. I can do this for you.

I can make the scenarios in your head real on your screen. One-shot? Enemies to lovers? Coffee shop AU? Angsty breakups? I live for that shit.

here is my commission info with more details. oooh you want this you want it so bad

#selfship community #selfshipping

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ao3feed-liushen · 1 year

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Inmortal Master of Music

read it on the AO3 here

by hopesita

Shen Yuan transmigrates while still being a teenager.

He feels lost, he is still a child and he wants a roof where he can sleep.

He knows how to sing and play the guqin, so why not to use his skills here?

What if... he sings songs from the modern world?

This white lotus loves these cringy love songs from Disney and Lana del rey, please have mercy with me...

Could you please spend your evenings with Ning Yingying or any of your other wives?

Wait, why is the protagonist kissing me?

Or: Shen Yuan sings songs from the modern world and his stolen lyrics from famous pop artists are loved by all these weirdo pidw characters. WTF.

Words: 2258, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 穿书自救指南 | Scumbag System (Cartoon)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Underage

Categories: M/M, Other

Characters: Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Shěn Jiǔ | Original Shěn Qīngqiū, Luò Bīnghé, Liǔ Qīnggē, Níng Yīngyīng

Relationships: Luò Bīnghé/Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Shěn Jiǔ | Original Shěn Qīngqiū & Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Liǔ Qīnggē/Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū

Additional Tags: Fluff, Consensual Non-Consent, POV Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Top Luò Bīnghé, White Lotus Luò Bīnghé, Bottom Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, Possessive Luò Bīnghé, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Manipulative Luò Bīnghé, One-Sided Liǔ Qīnggē/Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Love Confessions, Cute Luò Bīnghé

read it on the AO3 here

#svsss #liushen #liu qingge #shen qingqiu #scum villain's self-saving system #ao3feed #人渣反派自救系统

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wheeler-beretta-harwood · 2 years

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I answered your get to know me 20 questions and I want to get to know you better too! So I compiled a 20 list of some questions I thought were interesting (some are from the list you sent me because I liked them too). If you don’t want to answer them or answer them publicly that’s okay!

1. What’s your go-to guilty pleasure?

2. What’s your favorite quote from a tv show/movie/book?

3. What’s one thing that can instantly make your day better?

4. If you could have any exotic animal as a pet, what would it be?

5. What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?

6. What are you most proud of in the last year?

7. A place you want to visit?

8. What fictional character do you relate to the most?

9. Top 5 wrestlers?

10. Favorite book?

11. What fandoms are you part of besides wrestling?

12. Favorite movie?

13. Non-wrestler celebrity crush?

14. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

15. Favorite singer/band?

16. Favorite holiday?

17. What’s your favorite story trope?

18. What do you find most attractive in a person?

19. Sunny days or storms?

20. Cutest kiss? (Forehead, cheek, hand, etc.)

1. I honestly have no guilty pleasure so to speak. In real life, I am known as the nerdy book lover who knows every Disney movie by heart and has a collection of almost 500 Funko Pops. I am a walking guilty pleasure. BUT not many people know I love wrestling, mostly because I dread the "two talks":

a) But do you know it's fake?!?!?

(And because I'm a girl)

b) So you watch it for the hot naked guys?!?!

That being said, I am currently outing myself as wrestling fan because all I wear are my FTR shirts on repeat and people ask me about it.

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2. One?! You're killing me! Okay, I can do a top 4:

“You're mad, bonkers, completely off your head, but I'll tell you a secret... all of the best people are.”

Alice in Wonderland

"Your name is a golden bell hung in my heart."

The Last Unicorn (I actually have this tattooed around my wrist)

"Curiousity is the strongest force in the universe because it can overcone the two strongest braking forces in the universe: reason, and fear."

The City of Dreaming Books (losely translated by me)

Never cowardly or cruel. Never give up. Never give in .

Doctor Who

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3. Our dogs greeting me when I come home, the smell of freshly mowed lawn, and having some comments/notifications on my writing.

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4. I am not that much into owning an exotic animal. I like fluffy cute ones that I can pet and cuddle...so, if you want to count it as exotic, definitely a fennec. Those huge ears. And they're foxes 🤩

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5. Decaydance Fest 2007. My three favorite bands at the time in one evening: Fall Out Boy, The Academy Is, and Cobra Starship. I was in heaven. And at the end of it, I got to meet the singer of CS, Gabe Saporta. Such a nice guy, and to this day, the only celebrity I've met.

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6. Oh my...a tough call. I am generally never proud of anything, because I am a rather mediocre person. Okay at a lot of things, but not good at anything specific. If you're calling me out like this, I'll say this: I am proud I finally started writing (again). Is it my anchor in stormy weather.

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7. The Holy Trinity of places I want to visit: Chicago, Ireland, Iceland.

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8. The first that came to my mind is Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. A weirdo, a loner, but a dedicated friend. I love her so much.

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9. No. 1 will forever be Cash Wheeler/FTR. Because these two little shitheads helped me so much with conquering my depression. For years, I haven't done anything I've enjoyed in the past. And they got me back into writing and drawing. And I've met some of the greatest people because we share the love for FTR. I basically owe them every good thing I have in life right now. ( I always get so freaking emotional when it's about these two)

No. 2: Christian Cage. My first real wrestling crush, and I still love him today

No. 3: Trent Beretta. He's just so criminally underrated. I feel like everybody is sleeping on him. And he is so hilarious. And gorgeous.

No. 4: MJF. Everything he touches turns to gold. And he's still so young. It's only gonna get better from here on. And I can't wait to see what he can do.

No. 5: Kenny Omega. I have said it before, but there is just something about the way he moves in the ring. It's almost poetic. I get mezmerized every time he wrestles.

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10. RUMO by Walter Moers. It's just so beautiful. Everything about it. But literally any of his Zamonia books are wonderful. I could ramble on about it forever it, but I'm biting my tongue right now.

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11. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Doctor Who, Marvel, Batman, and Disney are my main thing. And the Zamonia fandom mentioned above.

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12. It's either Edward Scissorhands (first movie that made me cry because I connected so much with Edward) or V for Vendetta. And, of course, the Lord of the Rings movies.

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13. Chris Evans.

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14. First a vet, until I realized I had to put animals down. So no, thank you. Then a lawyer, but I'm too stupid for that, then a profiler. But that wasn't a real thing in Germany back in the day.

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15. Fall Out Boy. I've loved them since I was a teenager, and I've grown up with them. I will (hopefully) never get sick of them.

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16. I wish Halloween had been a thing here in Germany when I was younger. I would've loved getting all dressed up. In my heart, I just know it's my favorite holiday, even though I've never REALLY celebrated it.

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17. Hmmm, I don't know. Pining? What I do love are slowburn stories. Because although I can imagine crushing on someone right away, it will forever be a mystery to me how people can fall in love so fast. I'm such a slow person with this... probably why my ass is still single, noone has enough time for slow me.

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18. The two sexiest traits in my opinion: humor and intelligence. There is nothing hotter than a guy that can make me laugh and have a deep conversation with me about anything. That's borderline orgasmic.

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19. Storms. I'm not sure if one can tell by my writing *cough*, but I am not a summer, beach type of Person. I get a sunburn so easily, I even once had a heatstroke. No fun. The sun just doesn't like me all that much.

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20. An ex always kissed the tip of my nose. It was so intimate and innocent at the same time. And I am such a sucker for temple kisses. I love these so much, that's probably why they're in almost every fanfic I ever wrote.

#steph answers #get to know me

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antidisneyinc · 2 years

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that anon that won't give up on the "HA! GOTCHA!!!" shit is so desperate oh my god it's like these disney worshipping weirdos just don't understand the concept of criticism or somebody not being 100% absolutely in love with everything they watch

the first ask sounded like they were on team anti disney actually so i'm not sure why they're friendly firing 😔 we could be lovers

#nah i think they're a kid maybe who's a little confused about performative vs. practical ethics #fanmail

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weiyingonmynerves · 1 year

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I posted 108 times in 2022

That's 16 more posts than 2021!

41 posts created (38%)

67 posts reblogged (62%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wuxianphobic

@piosplayhouse

@jungwookjins

@sisyphusinabyss

I tagged 105 of my posts in 2022

Only 3% of my posts had no tags

#mine - 45 posts

#kinnporsche - 32 posts

#svsss - 29 posts

#not me the series - 16 posts

#vegaspete - 13 posts

#mdzs - 11 posts

#luo binghe - 6 posts

#not me black - 3 posts

#jeff satur - 3 posts

#vegas theerapanyakul - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i’m so tired please stop pretending things are normal u tiny weirdos it’s okay to like toxic romances but im actually starting to worry abou

My Top Posts in 2022:

i am a hater to my core except for when i see a morally reprehensible gay person. then i’m arms open. also legs

78 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

yeah i’m trans— transMIGRATING [wakes up in your web novel and fucks your blorbo]

163 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

“don’t romanticize toxic relationships!!!” my brother in christ u watch kinnporsche

195 notes - Posted June 13, 2022

you’re bringing him flowers. i’m fucking him in your bathroom. we are not the same

289 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

kinnporsche is so weird kinn and porsche are in a fucked up mafia au strangers to boss and bodyguard to frenemies who fuck to lovers wattpad fic meanwhile vegas is trying so hard to be scar from the lion king while simultaneously trying and failing to tap both porsche’s and pete’s asses, pete is wondering if he has a torture kink, kim is playing sherlock holmes with his own family, and while all that’s happening porchay thinks he’s the protagonist of the hit disney channel original movie starstruck

722 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #i need u to know i don’t actually like kinnporsche

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forgottenpnffacts · 3 years

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So i noticed that you tagged irving as Irving Du Bois, was that said in the show, and is there any known relation between him and the Du Bois Landscape artists?

Irving's surname was confirmed by Swampy on Twitter,

and there is no known relationship between him and the Du Bois Landscape Artists!

#weirdo-disney-lover #asks #Irving Du Bois #Twitter #Dwampy Canon

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breakingthedisneyspell · 4 years

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I just wanted to say, as a white Disney fan, thank you so much for this blog. It's helped me notice problems that I hadn't seen before, and it's been very educational for me. I have anxiety, so asking people the questions i have is hard, but this blog answers them for me. I really appreciate the time and effort that you have put into this blog. I feel less guilty liking the older movies when I am able to see the issues in them and acknowledge that it was wrong then, and it's still wrong now

Awww, you’re welcome! I am happy that this blog is educational for you, especially when one of the reasons I created this was for it to be an archive of some sort for my Disney research/academic writing/thoughts.

I am always open to getting asks, on or off anon, whichever is more comfortable for you. So please do not hesitate to reach out!

There is no need for guilt because it does nothing for you or for us. Instead, you can educate yourself, listen to us and be critical, which you are already doing so that is great! You can absolutely enjoy media while being critical.

#this was very sweet!#thank you for your kind words #ask #answer #mine***#weirdo-disney-lover

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lorimlee · 3 years

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I keep forgetting I have a Tumblr, and that I’m meant to be using it as a blog XD

PAHUA AND THE SOUL STEALER will be out Sept 7, 2021, with Disney / Rick Riordan Presents.

PREORDER LINKS: https://lorimlee.com/pahuaandthesoulstealer/

More about the book:

“Best-selling author Rick Riordan presents Lori M. Lee's middle grade debut about a lonely Hmong girl who discovers she's a powerful shaman warrior in this fantasy inspired by Southeast Asian mythology. "I love the adventures Pahua has in this book. I also love the sense of humor, the clever plotting, and the fantastic cast of characters. But most of all I love Pahua: her courage, her kindness, and her love for family."--NYT best-selling author Rick Riordan Pahua Moua has a bit of a reputation for being a weirdo. A lonely eleven-year-old Hmong girl with the unique ability to see spirits, she spends her summer days babysitting her little brother and playing with her best friend, a cat spirit no one else can see. One day Pahua accidentally untethers an angry spirit from the haunted bridge in her neighborhood--whoops. When her brother suddenly falls sick and can't be awoken, Pahua fears that the bridge spirit has stolen his soul. She returns to the scene of the crime with her aunt's old shaman tools, hoping to confront the spirit and demand her brother's return. Instead, she summons a demon. Thankfully, a warrior shaman with a bit of an attitude problem shows up at the last minute and saves her butt. With the help of this guide, Pahua will have to find her way through the spirit worlds and rescue her brother's soul before it's too late. Little does she know she'll have her own discoveries to make along the way. . . . With its unforgettable characters, unique nature-based magic system, breathtaking twists and reveals, and climactic boss battle, this story based on Hmong oral tradition offers everything a fantasy lover could want.”

#lori m lee #pahua and the soul stealer #mg #middle grade #fantasy #rick riordan presents #hmong #news

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turnaboutfairplay · 2 years

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Phoenix + Edgeworth

romantic all the way baby!! their romance is half like. star crossed lovers half disney channel movie half weirdo lawyer cringe moments. wait thats three halves its fine i can’t count

#ask meme #turnabout originals #prunedoak

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mermaidsirennikita · 3 years

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which disney villain would you ACTUALLY want a "girlboss"/woobie/weirdo take on

URSULA.

I think there's so much to do with her!!!! Where'd the necklace come from? Who'd she learn from? Was she always bad, or did she get to be that way?

Also, I believe that in the musical (or a version of it idk) Ursula and Triton are siblings? But if you don't do that take, which is a great take because Atlantean royal politics, maybe they were LOVERS before Ariel's mom came on the scene????

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sophfic27 · 4 years

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Questions (Have You Ever Wanted to be a Fly on the Wall?)

Summary: By now, you probably know the drill (his name is Bill), on their tenth birthday, the first words a person’s soulmate will say to them appears somewhere on their body. The word "hello" is one of the most common phrases in the world, so when Roman ends up with it on his wrist he decides to get creative. Everyone he meets who greets him with a "hello" he asks them a question. And he'll keep doing this until it's on someone's arm. This is literally my first ever fanfiction that I've finished and posted, so here's hoping you like it.

Pairings: Prinxiety, Logicality (background-ish), Dukeceit (background)

Word Count: 2870

Warnings: One instance of an F bomb, I think that’s it, let me know if it’s not

Notes: I got the idea to write this after scrolling through soulmate POVs on TikTok with my sister for fun. We discussed how one could solve the problem of having a really common phrase, and she said "I'd just ask weird questions, because I'm really good at that." So I decided to write this. Most of the questions Roman asks in this I stole from my sister, because, yes, she really does randomly ask these wackadoo questions unprompted. She's great. Enjoy.

Read on AO3

If anyone was going to describe Roman as anything, it was fanciful. Of course most kids were excited by the prospect of getting their soulmark and meeting their soulmate, but Roman had very big plans for how he was going to meet his soulmate. He grew up with Disney movies telling stories of soulmates and star-crossed lovers and found himself mesmerized by the power of soulmates. The lovely tale of the Little Mermaid, and Ariel trying to somehow convey to the prince that he was her soulmate when she had no voice. The story of Aladdin doing all he could to survive and be worthy of his princess soulmate. When he was eight, he saw Anastasia, a story of soulmates who met before their words appeared. When she lost her memory, she couldn’t have known the boy who saved her was her soulmate, and he knew but thought that she must have died until fate brought them together again. Roman was amazed. With only two years until his words appeared, he fantasized about all the ways he would meet and woo his soulmate, what unique phrase would change his life forever. Maybe he already knew his soulmate and just didn’t know it was them! Roman counted the days until he got his words with impatient anticipation.

Roman was younger than his twin, Remus by seventeen minutes exactly. So there they were, huddling on the bottom bunk with flashlights at 3:11 am only two minutes left until Remus is exactly 10 years old and he receives his soulmark. “It’s going to be something really lame, like ‘you’re annoying’ or something,” Roman insisted. Having grown up with Remus, he found it hard to think he could even have a soulmate, but they both knew he was just giving him a hard time. “Nuh-uh,” Remus squawked in a mocking tone. “Yuh-huh,” came Roman’s equally childish reply. “NUH-UH!” “Shut up, or Mom and Dad will yell at us again!” Roman socked his twin with a pillow. He tapped the screen of the tablet they had snuck into their room from the living room. 3:12:31. They’d been checking the time obsessively, but now there was only half a minute left. They exchanged a sort of giddy look as the clock ticked closer and closer. “10, 9, 8” Remus started to count as the time came upon them. Roman joined quickly, “7, 6, 5, 4.” “3.” “2.” “1.”

They watched as two words drew themselves onto Remus’s wrist: “Um, wow.” The twins blinked at the words for a minute, until Roman broke the silence, “nice going, doofus, you’re going to weird out your soulmate immediately.” “You don’t know that! Maybe it's a good ‘um, wow,’” Remus protested. “How would that be good? ‘Um, wow, you’re so handsome, ooooh,’” Roman made a mocking kissy-face and was promptly knocked over by another projectile pillow. He laughed, “face it, you’re a weirdo, ‘um, wow’ is not a good thing.” The door swung open with a whoosh and their mother stood there, staring at them. Roman covered the tablet with a pillow to hide the stolen device, and Remus scrambled off of the bunk. “I told you boys NOT to stay up like this,” Carla snapped. Her hair was up in curlers and she had hastily pulled a bathrobe over her pajamas. “But, Mama, our soulmates!” Roman whined. “Yeah, I got my words,” Remus waved his arm around even though the light was too dim for their mother to read the words and she was too tired to humor them. “That’s nice, Remus, but I told you, Papa and I have to work tomorrow, you can’t be keeping us up like this, I told you we’d look at your words in the morning,” she rubbed her eyes, still bleary from the sleep she wanted desperately to return to. “But it is morning!” Roman cried indignantly. Carla fixed her son with a pointed glare and he looked down and climbed under his sheets. Carla sighed, “thank you. Now, you can tell me what your words are in the morning when Papa is awake, but right now I need you, boys, to go to sleep, okay?” “Okay, Mama,” the twins replied in unison. Remus climbed back up to his bunk and got under his covers. Carla nodded and departed the room for her own, her slippers making light scuff sounds down the hall. As soon as the door clicked closed at the end of the hall, Remus poked his head over the edge of his bunk and looked down at his twin, “how much time is left?” he whispered. Roman uncovered the tablet and woke the screen, “ten minutes,” he whispered back. The next ten minutes crawled by painfully slow. Roman lost track of whatever his brother was saying as his thoughts turned to what his words would be. He was pulled out of his trance when Remus broke his silence to ask “how long?” again. This time, when Roman woke the tablet, he saw that it was 3:29:22, and he became overwhelmed by the fact that there was less than a minute left. He reported to his twin and went back to staring intently at the digital clock. Each second felt like an eternity, but they dragged him eagerly forward until- The grandfather clock down the hall chimed the half-hour, and Roman tugged his pajama sleeve down excitedly and turned the flashlight onto his wrist. There a beat of silence until, “so? What does it say?” Remus asked eagerly. Roman sighed, “it says ‘hello.’” Remus stayed quiet for a second, “that’s going to be hard to find,” he offered. Roman collapsed back into his pillow. “Well, I’m going to sleep. Night, bro,” Remus mumbled from above. “Night,” Roman murmured. He looked at the singular word again and switched off the flashlight. “Hello” was one of, if not the most common soulmark in the world, because it was the most common greeting, regardless of language. At least there was that, Roman considered, his soulmate probably spoke English. But that wasn’t helpful. Remus was right, it was going to be hard to find his soulmate. Roman sighed and turned over onto his side. Okay, thought Roman, then I’ll just have to get creative.

It was common practice to try to use unique and specific greetings when meeting someone for the first time to cheat destiny and ensure an easier time finding their soulmate, but with as common a phrase as “hello”, Roman had to scrap all of his fantasies of grand romantic gestures and fairy tale meetings in favor of a way to guarantee his soulmate would recognize him. The plan was simple, if he was talking first to someone new, he stated his name first and foremost. Anyone he approached first, he greeted with “my name is Roman, nice to meet you.” The part where he got creative was with anyone who approached him first by saying “hello.” “Hello!” chirped his friendly new classmate in sixth grade. “If you were an insect, how long would it take you to die?” Roman asked immediately. The girl stared at him before replying shyly, “I don’t… know?” “Darn.” He always made sure to explain his tactic after using it to avoid further alienating new acquaintances. And thus he continued this way with every new person he met, always with a new and random question.

“Hello.” “If you could time travel, who would you meet?” “…Abraham Lincoln.” “Okay.”

“Hello.” “If you could make a new type of snowman that wasn’t made of snow, what would it be made of?” “Uh. Oranges?” “Cool.”

“Hello.” “If a bat flew into your house speaking with the voice of a cartoon, but claiming to be your best friend, what would you do?” “…What?”

Sophomore year, Roman and Remus were fifteen years old. Remus had already met his soulmate, Janus, and naturally, “um, wow” had been a response to Remus weirding him out, in addition to the realization that Remus was his soulmate. Roman, on the other hand was still trying to find his soulmate with random questions, but to no avail. The second semester had begun and Roman’s physics class was changing seats. Roman collapsed into his new spot next to a boy he knew to be Patton, but with whom he had not actually talked yet. Patton was wearing a blue t-shirt with a repeating cat pattern across it. His honey-brown hair was lightly curled, and a pair of round glasses were balanced on his freckle-covered nose. He smiled warmly at Roman. The teacher finished giving his instructions and let the class go to meet their new partners and get to work on their assignments. And thus the cycle began anew. Patton turned to Roman with a grin, “hello!” Roman huffed slightly as he quickly summoned a new question, “what’s your favorite musical?” he asked in lieu of a real greeting. Patton stared at Roman for a beat before raising a hand to his chin thoughtfully, and Roman knew that the boy probably didn’t have his question on his wrist. “Mamma Mia,” he answered finally. “ABBA. Good choice,” Roman chuckled. Patton giggled back, “Why do you ask anyway?” Roman showed Patton his wrist, and he nodded wonderingly, “I get it, you’re trying to have a unique greeting, because yours is so common.” “Bingo,” Roman said, slightly relieved that he didn’t have to explain it all again. “I’m guessing you don’t have my phrase, right?” Patton’s hair bounced as he shook his head. He presented his own wrist, marked with the word “Salutations” in unusually crisp font. “Ooh, you have a fancy soulmate,” Roman said, “that, or they’re a nerd. I’ve never seen such a professional-looking font.” “Me neither,” Patton giggled again. “At least ‘salutations’ isn’t a very frequently used greeting.” Roman nodded, “yes, a nerd like that will be easy to spot,” Roman joked. “I’m Roman by the way,” he said, suddenly unsure if Patton knew who he was or not. “Patton!” he replied with a quirk of his head and a broad smile. “Nice to meet you,” he was aware of the teacher surveying the class to see who was working and quickly added, “maybe we should get started.” Patton nodded and they set to work reading instructions and becoming friends.

Half-way through the first semester of senior year, Patton introduced Roman to his recently discovered soulmate, Logan. Upon meeting him, Roman remarked that he was exactly the kind of nerd he had expected when he had seen Patton’s “salutations” soulmark. He then lamented that he was once again left surrounded with people who had soulmates when he didn’t, at which point Logan informed his that “statistically speaking, most people meet their soulmates in their twenties or thirties.” “Thanks, pocket-protector, but that’s barely comforting. I have the most common phrase in the English language,” Roman complained. “Actually, according to most studies performed in the last 20 years, the most common phrase currently is ‘hi,’” Logan corrected him with a push of his glasses. Roman stared at him in disbelief and Patton giggled at his side.

“I’m telling you Roman, he’s actually really nice,” Patton assured him as they walked down the path towards Roman’s house. Both boys were bundled up in coats, their hands stuffed firmly in pockets to protect against the biting winter wind. Roman had a Christmas party coming up in a few days, and Patton was trying to convince him to invite the fairly anti-social kid who never got of his emo phase, Virgil. In all honesty, Roman didn’t care if Virgil came or not, plenty of Remus’s friends, who he didn’t know, were going, but Patton was determined to make Roman and Virgil friends, and as it was, Roman didn’t think he had anything in common with the emo. “I’m sure he is, Pat, but…” he hesitated, searching for some way to appease his friend without giving in. “But what?” Patton pressed, meanwhile physically pressing against his shoulder. “But you get along with everyone, and everyone loves you. You can find something in common with anyone no matter what,” Roman stalled. Patton’s eyes bore into him. “I on the other hand, don’t think I have anything in common with Virgil. I mean, he’s all surly and dark, and I’m a theater kid straight out of High School Musical,” he gestured grandly before his hand quickly retreated to the warmth of his pocket again. “Have you ever even talked to the guy?” “Well, no, but-” “Then how do you know you have nothing in common?” Patton’s voice lilted. He always gave off the vibe of a dad trying to get his child to try a new food or something. Roman shot him a side-eyed look, and Patton continued, “you like Disney, right? Well, it just so happens Virgil is into Disney, too! See? There is something you have in common?” “Yeah, sure, but… I mean, who doesn’t like Disney?” Patton just shrugged. Roman was being stubborn, but Patton knew he’d practically won. “All I ask is you let me introduce you to him at the party, okay? Just let him say hello. You can even ask him one of your weird questions.” Patton waved a gloved hand vaguely. Roman was suddenly aware that he seemed to know something Roman didn’t, but he ignored the feeling in favor of a childish groan. “Fine, you can bring him to party and introduce him to me,” defeat dripped from his voice, and Patton clapped in delight and cheered as they arrived on the doorstep of the house.

Some pop rendition of Jingle Bells played through the house as Roman made his way to the snack table. The table was draped with a festive table cloth covered in reindeer and sleighs, and it featured an impressive array of cookies and cupcakes and other holiday-themed treats. Most claimed that Roman and Remus overdid the party thing, but in truth it was mostly Roman. Classmates and friends milled around dancing, eating, and chatting happily. Roman picked out a tree-shaped cookie that he had made and started to make his way into the living room when he heard someone call his name. Roman turned to see Patton dragging a boy toward him, a broad grin decorated his face and, as usual, outshone the blinking Christmas light necklace he was wearing. They met just to the side of the entryway into the living room. “I know you said you hadn’t met yet, so Roman, this is Virgil,” he gestured to the boy standing next to him. His dyed purple bangs draped just down to his eyes, and he was wearing a dark purple sweater in place of his usual patchwork hoodie. Virgil watched Patton carefully, only looking at Roman when introduced by name. Virgil gave a wave so slight, Roman would have missed it if it was any smaller. His low voice was soft, and yet carried easily over the din of the party, “hello.” “Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall?” Roman said. His response was automatic. Replying to “hello” with a question had become an unconscious habit after doing it for so many years. Virgil stared. That was a standard reaction to Roman, he had hardly registered the question that had come out of his mouth. Patton’s further widening smile, however, was not a standard reaction. Roman then realized that Virgil’s stare was different from others as well. His gray eyes shone with shock instead of the confusion Roman was accustomed to. Suddenly becoming uncomfortable with the silence, he said “… What?” “… I’ve always wanted to ask, and I mean this sincerely, what the fuck kind of greeting is that” Virgil said finally as he started to tug down his sleeve, revealing the words on his wrist. Roman’s face lit up with astonishment and excitement. “No, I’ve never wanted to be a fly on the wall, but thanks to you, I’ve thought about it bordering on obsessively for almost eight years.” Roman finally broke out of his trance. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it worked,” he exclaimed as Virgil stared quizzically at him. Roman showed him his own wrist and explained the logic behind his seemingly random question. Suddenly a thought occurred to him, and he whirled on Patton. “You knew about this, didn’t you?” He shrugged innocently. “I knew that Virgil had a weird question on his wrist and that you have a tendency to ask such questions,” He grinned slyly, “I couldn’t be certain, but it was a pretty fair bet.” “You’re a mad genius,” Virgil cocked his head at Patton. Patton smiled brightly again, “I don’t know what you mean, kiddo, I’m just helping out where I can.” Roman shook his head and laughed, “alright, Pat, I’m sorry I ever doubted you.” “That’s fine, Roman,” Patton clapped him on the shoulder, “I’ve got to go find Logan, so you guys get to know each other,” Patton waved as he stepped away. Roman and Virgil turned to face one another and stared at each other in silence for a few moments. Roman wracked his brain for what to do next, and all he could come up with was, “So… Disney?”

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