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zankivich · 5 years

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Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 10

a/n: don’t get mad at me. She’s long af. but this was incredibly important for me to write and I wanted to do it justice, and that meant take the time to let this character feel and allow the space to feel pain and to feel defeated. I wanted to show that even the most confident of people can and do struggle under scutiny and that being a confident fat woman isn’t any different. Shit’s hard ya know? Idk I love this a lot. so I hope you love it too? K bye.

*y/n’s pov*

“I don’t know. I don’t like it. I don’t like the lace, I don’t like the length, I don’t like the belt; I don't like anything about it.” You huffed.

Stu nodded. “Baby girl we’ve been at this for hours though. I once saw your boyfriend suck your face because you yawned too cute. I don’t think the dress is going to matter.”

“Ugh, men. You could not be more wrong right now. The dress means everything Stu!”

New Year’s is quite the ordeal. Instead of having it at the apartment it gets switched to a bigger venue in toronto. All of a sudden it’s a lot of industry people and all of Shawn’s family and friends. And it’s beautiful and wonderful, but you can’t help but notice that your part of the guest list is significantly smaller. You invite some friends from the office, and Stu and Bryan of course. At the time, when Shawn had asked, You had said yes with no hesitation, but it hadn’t occurred to you that things were a little more complicated than that. This was the official presentation of you as a couple. Shawn’s performance though pre-recorded, meant buzz, meant there were gonna be a lot of people just looking in your direction all night.

No one still really knew who you were. You and Shawn had never been seen together outside of Toronto and besides the occasional grainy selfie, you were still very much a concept more than a person for a lot of people. The world knew Shawn Mendes was dating someone, they didn’t know that someone was you, and you knew in your heart that this night was going to change all of that.

“You know people are gonna be confused.” You sighed plopping down beside your best friend on one of the couches outside the dressing room.

“Confused about what?”

“Confused about why American Canadian sweetheart Shawn Mendes is dating some fat marketing exec with a baking problem.” You mumbled picking at the material of dress number fifteen.

He sighed. “Is that all you are? Do you think that’s all that matters?”

You groaned in frustration. The problem with being a confident fat woman is they want you to always be a confident fat woman. Even if that’s an expectation that they never have of anyone else. You gotta be a hundred percent always. You were flawed in more ways than one.

“No. Of course not. And I don’t...I don’t care what the world fucking thinks of me. I just want him to be happy and I don’t wanna make his life more difficult. And yea maybe I don’t wanna see the internet rip me to fucking shreds. We know more than anyone how ruthless people can be, Stu.”

“Yea, I know.” He murmured leaning his head against yours. “If the dress needs to matter today, then we can let it matter okay? I just want you to be happy, kiddo.”

“Thank you….. Thank you.”

You go to a different store in between a mini crying session in the dressing room, and shared pretzel bites. There’s a dress that’s all sheer and sparkly rhinestones. It’s black and it’s seethrough and the neckline comes up around the neck almost like a choker. It’s much more adventurous and risque than you feel in that moment so there’s a big hope that it’ll somehow just work itself out.

Back in your apartment however, Shawn sat perched up on your couch playing guitar without a care in the world. You definitely spent more time in Shawn’s apartment, but something about seeing him in your space always made you feel warm inside. And when he put his guitar to the side and pulled you to straddle his lap instead, you simply melted before him. Ugh.

“How was shopping?” He murmured lips pressing staccato, gentle kisses to your neck and shoulder.

You snorted. “I’d say it was the worst experience ever, but every time I go shopping is the worst experience ever so.”

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing. Store’s just aren’t really designed for me. I usually shop online but I wanted this to be special. My mistake.”

He frowned, fingers kneading softly into your back, over your ass, and down to your thighs. God was he annoying and perfect.

“I’m so sorry. Do you want me to make you a new store?” He asked. “Cause I would.”

You grinned reaching to cradle his face in your palms.

“You do a really good job of making me feel like my worries are really dumb. Have I ever told you that?”

“You haven’t. But you also don’t tell me your worries very often. You wanna talk about it?”

You shrugged your shoulders softly, lips jutting out stubborn as you imagined a child probably would.

“Mmm.” You mumbled.

“Mmm?” He smirked mimicking you. “Please? I just wanna help.”

“You didn’t tell them.” You admitted softly.

“Tell who, what?”

“You never told the world that I’m big. And tonight everyone’s gonna know.” You sighed. “And I don’t care. At least I’m trying not to but I just...they’re not gonna think I’m good enough. I know they aren’t. And they’re gonna be confused and probably disappointed. And I’m just...I don’t know. I don’t know what I am. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” He breathed tugging your chin down so that your eyes met. “It’s okay. You never have to apologize to me about how you’re feeling.I didn’t think about how public tonight would be. I’m sorry for that. I just want you to be with me, because I love you, and I wouldn’t want to have this night without you. If you don’t feel comfortable going, we don’t have to go.”

You snorted. “Shawn, it’s your party.”

“It’s our party, first of all. And second of all everyone’s showing up for the booze and the food anyway, I doubt they’d notice our absence. I’ll do whatever makes you happy. I told you I don’t want my life to be a burden on yours, y/n.”

“You’re not a burden to me, ever.” You promised. “I’m not skipping either. I don’t let shit like this get to me. I guess it was just on my mind. And I couldn’t help it.”

His arms snaked around your waist, chin coming to prop on your shoulder. He looked at you with kind and gentle eyes, your heart soaring at the sight. Rude.

“It’s okay. I always want you to tell me what’s on your mind. You know that right?”

You nodded softly nuzzling your nose against his.

“Can I see your dress though? I wanna know how pretty my baby’s gonna look tonight.”

It gets your mind off of the negative, which was almost definitely his aim.. And instead of going back to playing guitar he wrestles you down to the couch in favor of playing you like his favorite instrument instead. And when his head falls between your thighs, he spends extra time loving the very parts of you you’d found problem with an hour ago. His hands traced lovingly at your stomach, thumbs touching stretch marks, molding to the curve of your skin. Shawn didn’t make you feel beautiful. Instead he seemed to hold a mirror to your very core and ask you to see yourself as you were, as he saw you. He showed you a beauty that had always been there, and only made it more special because you knew he was always willing to help you remember when you forgot. That meant everything to you.

“Can’t wait to kiss you at midnight.” He murmured hands skipping along the waist of your dress. “I’m gonna be the luckiest guy in the room tonight.”

You were standing in front of the mirror back pressed firmly to his chest and you smiled at his reflection.

“You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“On the contrary, I think you deserve the world.”

At the door Shawn helps you into the beautiful, sleek trench coach that he got you for Christmas. You help him into the similarly beautiful burberry wool trench coat you got him. You like to think that the two of you look very mature and badass standing side by side. It’s a nice thought.

The venue is full of black and gold balloons. Cheap, cheesy decorations cover every inch of the bar and dance floor. The room is already full of classic New Years energy and there’s barely anyone there yet besides the people still setting up and Shawn's family who somehow made it before even you.

“Babe come see the photo booth!” Shawn murmured excitedly tugging at your fingers until you stumbled towards the booth.

He plopped you onto his lap and quickly smothered your lips in a kiss to stemi any protest you surely would have given him. His hands grabbed at your thighs and he nuzzled your head softly towards the camera.

“Don’t argue with me honey, just take a picture with me.” He hummed.

Rude.

Suddenly there’s more people there than you think you’ve ever met in your life. Shawn is like the popular guy at school, which is genuinely comical because he’s the dorkiest man you’ve ever met, but everyone wants a piece of him. He spends an hour taking pictures with people you’ve never seen before. Some of them seem like good friends if the way he hugs them and laughs with them is anything to go off of. Women in scantily clad outfits grip him a tiny bit longer than necessary, or smile in a way that seems to push their bodies closer towards his. You don’t find yourself nearly as jealous as you did at the bar on halloween. Something about knowing you’re together and knowing where you both stand allows you to be a little bit more of a grownup. He loves you and you know that and so there isn’t any reason to be jealous. Especially not when he’s drunk and soft and affectionate and all of that gets directly thrown at you and no one else.

You were standing at the bar nursing this very delightful long island when a hundred and sixty pounds of Canadian attached itself to your back.

“Babe!” Shawn snickered directly into your ear. “Baby, I missed you so much.”

Stu had a very amused expression on his face that was full of sass and was very annoying.

“I just saw you thirty minutes ago. What the hell did you drink since then?”

“Brian wanted to do a round of shots. I did three.” He giggled.

Jesus.

“Wonderful. Remind me to get Brian to carry you to bed later.”

“I’d much rather you carry me to bed. But that’s beyond the point. I’m ready to dance with you now.”

This gave you pause. You turned to your boyfriend, tugging his arms from around your neck and took his face carefully in your hands.

“This is important, Shawn. Listen to me. You may have been roofied.”

He snorted. “I wasn’t roofied. I just...I know tonight means a lot to you, and I know it’s scary being here with all these people and I wanna--I wanna even the playing field. I wanna dance with you.”

It is maybe the sweetest thing that anyone has ever offered you in your life. So much so that you’re sort of at a lost for words. You’d never really thought about dancing with Shawn. It wasn’t something he was interested in and that was okay. Stu was a total slut on the dance floor and dancing the night away with him was often the best nights of your life. But, here he was, this annoyingly perfect man offering to do what you wanted to do for literally no other reason in the world than to make you happy?

“What factory did they make you in?” You mumbled fingers reaching up to skim his chin.

He only smiled wider. “Maybe I was made just for you. Now come show me how to dance.”

He stumbles on the edge of the last step to the dance floor and it occurs to you that perhaps there’s a reason Shawn doesn’t dance. And maybe even on top of that, adding alcohol is not going to make things go any better . . .

You’re right. Holy shit he was awful. Some people dance like they have two left feet. Shawn on the other hand was dancing like he had a third foot that had somehow got added. But he’s drunk and he’s happy and he’s just trying to make you smile so literally none of it matters. Because when he notices that a six foot tall man doing the cabbage patch dance bring tears of joy to your eyes, he only does it longer. Because it makes you happy. Because he makes you happy. And he’s not thinking about all the people in the room or what they might think of him because this, this thing that’s happening right now is just between the two of you. And that feels really fucking special.

“Hey!” You shout over the music pulling him into your arms to stop the dancing. “I love you.”

“I love you too!” He beamed. “Only wanna make you happy.”

He’s sweaty and his curls are flopped in his eyes and his cheeks are so red and so soft and you’re so gone on him. How are you this gone on him?

“You do.” You assure him putting your head playfully against his. “Jesus, you do.”

“Will you do something that’ll make me happy?”

He eyed your mouth and without even mentally registered you worked to wet your lips.

“Of course.”

“Will you come drink with me? Need you to get on my level right now.”

Your hands mapped playfully at his broad chest as he seemed to rock you both back and forth on the dance floor as opposed to any sort of synchronized movement.

“How come?”

“Because I wanna have fun tonight. I want to have fun with you tonight. Please?”

Well when you put it like that?

“Tequila?” You grinned.

“Tequilla!”

What’s the worst that can happen?

*Three hours later*

“MY LONELINESS IS KILLING ME--”

“AND I!”

“I MUST CONFESS I STILL BELIEVE--”

“STILL BELIEVE!”

“WHEN YOU’RE NOT WITH MY I LOSE MY MIND”

“GIVE ME A SIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN! HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!”

You slapped your boyfriend’s ass in front of his entire family and all of his friends. His very rich, powerful friends. Your boyfriend also very much bent over to receive the slap that you were administering. Tequila, friends.

“Babe, hear me out… I think we should go on tour together! We sound incredible.”

“Holy shit you’re right!”

You both bust out laughing because it’s clear that you sounded absolutely terrible. But, you’re drunk and happy and in love, so who gives a fuck? After karaoke time, you wind up back on the dance floor. Shawn is completely in his element, the big, goofy man you’d fallen for, and it’s so much fun. You’re not thinking about any one around you. Not the beautiful women, or the music executives, or the snapchat stories. It’s just the two of you, and some friends, and music. The way it should be.

It’s barely eleven o’clock when you’re both collapsed in one of the booths back away from all the commotion. Tequila really was a hell of a liquid, and probably should be kept far far away from people. It really made you do ridiculous things. Like straddle, your more than happy boyfriend in the middle of a public ass party. He grinned dopely at you and held you against him, his large hands grabbing wonderfully at your ass. What a shit show.

“Hey,” He sighed head flopping against your shoulder. “Thank you so much for coming with me tonight. I’m having so much fun.”

You giggled and kissed his forehead.

“Yea?”

“Yea….Look I--I always care what people think about me, and I always worry about everything around me but...when I’m with you I don’t care about any of that. So, I don’t care if I look dumb, just as long as I’m with you.”

“Well you don’t look dumb. You look happy. It’s a really good look for you. I just want you to be happy.”

“Then stay with me.” He mumbled pulling you even closer. “Stay.”

“Mkay.”

It wasn’t midnight yet, but you and Shawn worked on some fireworks of your own. It felt right to sit there, plum on his lap with his hands drawing circles into your back, or holding your face preciously in his hands to kiss you better. It felt less sloppily dunk, and more loving, more passionate. Like just being together was nourishing for the both of you. Like there was no reason to be partying when you could just be together instead.

When the clock strikes midnight you’re actually just tucked away in a corner, completely wrapped up in one another. If it’s any indication of how the new year will be, you can’t help but think maybe things will be alright after all.

*Shawn’s point of view*

The first day of the new year finds her in his bed and it’s everything he’s ever wanted. They’re less hungover than the first night they met, no vomiting to be had, so he can’t help but plaster himself against her body. She’s still naked from when they’d stumbled inside, drunk and hungry for each other. There’s a bloom of blues and purples on the side of her left breast and down the side of her stomach where he’d hadn’t been able to get enough. His mouth touches lightly at the skin watching her slowly wake up for him.

She hummed softly legs falling open for him to slide between. The skin of her stomach and thighs is so soft and smooth, his spine straightens when he slides against her. She’s just staring at him with sleep and lust filled eyes. How is he already hard?

“Morning.” She whispered a smile touching her face.

“Happy new year.”

Her fingers grace his hip before wrapping firmly around his hard on, and it feels just as good as it always does.

“Hmmm, again?”

“Sorry.” He whined hips bucking into her hand. “I just can’t get enough of you. I’m not usually like this, I swear.”

“Are you apologizing for wanting to have sex with me?”

“No? Yes? Maybe? I cannot think straight when my dick is in your hand, woman.”

“Yea? Would putting it in my mouth help at all?”

“I don’t know, but I think we should definitely give it a try!”

She gives him head in a way he’s never had before. For something she claims not to love, it is truly magical the way she moves her lips. Her mouth is warm and wet and she sucks him firm and sloppy. And every now and again, she’ll touch a spot right beneath his balls that without fail always makes him nearly blow his load. It’s so rude. And so fucking good.

When she slides off with a squelching plop and peers up at him with spit glistened lips, his brain completely melts.

“I’m wet as hell right now. Get in me.”

He nearly tumbles out of the bed reaching for the condoms in the bedside table. It would’ve been almost embarrassing if not for the immediate dread that descends upon him when there is nothing in his bed side table but an empty box. Fuckin tequlia.

“Goddammit!”

Her legs came up to wrap around his hips and her tongue is tracing his nipple like she’s painting a fucking work of art and WHY ARE THERE NO CONDOMS?

“What’s wrong baby?

He groaned tossing the box to the other side of the bed and gripping firm at one of her thighs around him.

“We’re out of condoms.”

She sucks a mark into his left pec, teeth grazing his nipple again, as if he did not just tell her the worst news in the whole wide world.

“Baby, did you hear me?”

“Mhm. Let’s just do it without one.”

His eyes widened quickly leaning his body above her to see her face better.

She giggled. “I love it when you plank on top of me.”

“I’m sorry, did you just suggest we have sex without a condom? You? The sex health queen? You once yelled about contraception to a bunch of random people in the club.”

“Trust me they needed it. And whenever I’m with new partners I always use condoms. Always. However, I’m on the pill too, and at this point I think I know you don’t have anything, so...why not?”

“I...I’ve never done it without one before.”

“I hear it’s pretty great. But we might not ever know as my vagina gets a little dryer every second we sit here talking about it.”

He bit his lip, hips dipping to skim against hers.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m so sure,” She hummed. “Put it in me.”

His friends had told him stories. They were dumbass stories and he’d never quite believed them. Something about the pull out method and the fact that without the condom it was supposed to be this otherworldly experience. He thought they were just idiots who were too lazy and stupid to put a condom on. Honestly he’d probably still stand by that rational but… the moment he slips inside of her is maybe the greatest physical pleasure he’s ever known. And he’s got no fucking clue how to handle it.

“Holy fuck, y/n.” He whimpered face digging desperately into her neck. “It feels so good.”

She giggled, just simply giggled, but the way it moved her body had him clenching up and grabbing roughly at her hips.

“W--Wait don’t move! Goddamn.”

“Are you close right now?”

“Y/n...I have never been this close in my life.”

She laughs again and without any conscious understanding he covers her mouth with his hand.

“Baby you can’t laugh, I’m gonna cum.”

Her eyes widen and she clenches down on him and he’s pretty much done for then.

“I’m sorry!” She sighed as his hips stutter again. “I didn’t know you covering my mouth would get me going, although that is definitely something we should explore at some point.”

He clenched the blankets in his fist and tried to take deep breaths, but even the way she was blinking at him was hard to watch. He felt like a teenaged boy all over again, completely not in control of his own body. It was all her, and her glorious, magnificent body’s fault.

“Look it’s okay. Just take care of yourself right now. I can tell you need it. We can worry about me later.” She hummed.

He snorted. As fucking if.

His girlfriend was a woman of many needs. And as sweet as it was to think she might grant him an orgasm, he knew better than to ever not reciprocate. So, he did only what he could. He attempted to make her have a mind shattering orgasm in five minutes or less.

He gripped so tight at her hips that there were bound to be marks when he was done, hips shuffling around in small instances trying to locate her g-spot much earlier than he usually would. Similarly, her fingers held roughly at his ass guiding him where she needed him to go and singing his praises when he did. Usually their love making was a little gentler. He was really into passion and holding each other close and orgasms that had them crying out into each other’s mouths. This. This was different.

Even in a state that felt like he was constantly one thrust away from losing it, he still was so her centered. It wasn’t about him getting to “finally” cum. It was about how good he could make her feel. And something about the time crunch meant he was more focused on her than ever. He just wanted her to feel the way that she made him feel.

When he finds that spot that has her toes curling against the back of his thighs, he grits his teeth and leans up to grab the headboard as he slams into her in a way he’s never done before.

“Holy fuck!” She gasped legs sprawling open in need. “Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop!”

He bit his lip in concentration, slotting his leg over her thigh for leverage and pushing deeper into her body. A shiver racked her entire being and it was the sexiest fucking thing he’d ever seen. Her skin was flushed, lips swollen and wet, breasts bouncing with every slap of his hips against hers. He’d never wanted someone so much in his whole life.

She grabs at his ass again and lets out the most sinful sound when he rubs that spot inside of her that causes her back to arch out, and once again his whole fucking world is rocked.

“You’ve gotta cum for me.” He grunted. “I need to see this pretty pussy cum; babe, please.”

“Close. Really fucking close. Make me cum!”

Like that’s not what he’d been trying to do the whole goddamn time.

There’s a moment where he releases the headboard and grabs at her ass instead, flesh spilling from his palms as he gives her everything that he has. There’s a noticeable difference. Her moans get higher and more fragmented. She breathes harder and faster. And then her eyes roll back in her head and she stops breathing all together as she squirts all over his dick and her thighs. And try as he might, which he didn’t, there was absolutely nothing he could do at the sight of that but pull out of her just as he came his fucking brains out. He collapsed beside her each of them limp, sweaty, and covered in each other’s bodily fluids.

For a while they just pant and stare at ceiling. He wonders if she’s as fucking mind blown as he is. He wonders if she’s ever squirted for anyone else before, because she’d certainly never done it for him. He also sort of wonders how soon before she’ll let him have a crack at it again, because holy shit.

“Yo….what the fuck was that?” She giggled finally breaking him out of his own thoughts.

He peers over at her and she’s smiling, and just like that he wants to cuddle her into the mattress and never let go. How?

“Did you….was that…?”

She bit her lip. “You made me squirt. No one’s ever done that before.”

“Yea?” He murmured trying not to show just how happy that made him.

“It didn’t like...you’re not grossed out by it are you? Cause that’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in my life.”

His eyes widened and he quickly shook his head at her.

“No. No, I’m not grossed out at all, babe. All I’ve been thinking about since you did it is how much I wanna make you do it again and again and again.”

She whined. “That’s so fucking hot. Get away from me.”

God he loved her.

When she eventually peels herself off the sheets and scratches at her sex-crazed hair, the bed almost feels emptier at the prospect that she might leave. There’s a small part of him that wants to pull her back, to be whiny and needy and desperate, maybe it’s bigger than he even wants to admit. But, he let’s her leave mostly because he still hadn’t regained all of the function in his body yet.

“I’m gonna make breakfast. You want?” She asked pulling an oversized sweater over her body when the fluids have been wiped away.

He nodded smiling softly. “Will you make those cinnamon swirl pancakes?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “You always want the complicated shit. I’ll make you pancakes if you wash my hair for me in the shower.”

“How sweet of you to think I wouldn’t want to wash your hair anyway, but deal.”

She walked to the kitchen, her thighs--and the delightful little limp in her step--still a beautiful reminder of what they’d done just moments before. As soon as he regained feeling in his legs, he was going to go kiss that girl silly.

He was lying there still in eternal bliss when her scream came from the kitchen. And he tumbled out of bed yanking on boxers and grabbing the nearest weapon he could--one of his AMA awards--because surely someone was trying to break into his apartment with a scream like that. He slid into the kitchen on socked feet only to find his girlfriend staring at the TV with her hands over her mouth.

“Jesus, you almost gave me a heart attack!” He groaned setting his award down. “What is going on?”

She simply points at the screen as if that will tell him everything. And unfortunately it sort of does.

“Shawn Mendes and his new boo were seen very snuggled up at the popstar’s New Year’s Eve party. An eyewitness from the party says they were all over each other. And from the looks of these pictures, they definitely were!”

It’s a super intimate moment of them in the corner. She’s straddling his lap and he’s grabbing her ass in a way that has all of his media training running down the drain. E! News is doing their very best job in making sure their audience can see as much detail as possible. The zoom ins, the continue flash of picture after picture. Who ever had snapped the shots had obviously taken them with the intent to sell, because why are there so many fucking shots of one moment of the entire night?

There’s video of it. Of them kissing. Of her apparently groping him in a not so friendly manner. It’s a PR nightmare for sure. But then it only gets worse.

“Fans were incredibly surprised to find out teen heartthrob Mendes was dating someone not famous, and some were even further confused by the woman’s appearance.”

And then it starts. And they start rolling tweets of these “fan” accounts saying the most awful shit. It’s like her worst nightmare right there in front of her and it’s all his fucking fault because every account has some aspect of him attached to it. Whether it’s his face as their profile picture, or his name in some random order in their twitter handle, it all feels like him. Like he might as well be standing in front of her yelling these terrible things at her.

When Shawn start dating fat girls tho?

I’m so confused???????? Shawn deserves better!

Damn y’all Shawn really out here dating anyone. Maybe us ugly girls got a shot after all?

He can’t turn the fucking tv off fast enough. But she’s just standing there, frozen, like it’s still on. Like she can hear what every piece of shit on the internet had ever said about her. And honestly he knows the feeling. The first two or three years of his career had been hell on his self-esteem, if he’d ever really built one up at all. Every time someone called him a girl, or made fun of his braces, of his hair, or his acne, or his body. The shit ran deep. It cut deep. But, he signed up for that. She didn’t. And that was the difference.

He wraps his arms around her when the first teardrop falls from her eye to her lip. His throat feels like it’s full of cotton and he gulps desperately as her pain finds its way to his heart. She’s shaking. And she seems smaller than he’s ever seen her. Like she’s caving in on herself. And why wouldn’t she? It didn’t matter how strong you were, or how confident you were about yourself. When all of these strangers on the internet are telling you something completely different? It’s only a matter of time before that seeps into your conscious.

“I’m so sorry.” he whispered squeezing her tightly. “Please don’t cry, baby? Please?”

He tried to pull her face into his hands, but she just shook her head at him. She was in pain. And it was all his fault.

“I love you so much. That was all bullshit, you don’t need to listen to them. Just listen to me, right now. Please?” He chanted steadily. “I love you. You are so incredibly beautiful to me. And you know that. You know how beautiful you are period. You’re a complete and total badass!”

Her nose was red, and her whole face seemed to be warming by the minute. He was prepared to go all night. To rattle off every single thing in this world that he loved about her, and there were many. But then, out of nowhere she just...stopped. She bit her lip and took a deep breath, and the tears might as well have soaked into her skin. All of that emotion. Gone. It was maybe the most terrifying thing he’d ever seen her do.

“It’s fine.” She whispered, voice hoarse. “I uh...I need to go home for a little bit, okay? I just--I’ll make your pancakes later, I promise.”

“Y/n,” He mumbled reaching for her as she pulled away from him.

She smiled. It didn’t reach her eyes. Hell, it barely reached her lips. it looked more like a grimace.

“It’s fine. Shawn, honest.”

“Why would you lie to me right now? Just let me help. Don’t close yourself off from me because of this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just need to go home for a little while.”

She stopped making eye contact, started gathering her stuff instead. And his heart breaks every time she picks a piece of herself up and tucks it a way. There’s a very scared, insecure part of his mind that wonders if she’ll ever come back. He was so far outside of his element and outside of his knowledge base, that he genuinely had no idea what to do. He didn’t know how to comfort her, he didn’t know what to say to make any of it better. And for that reason, he let her go, let her leave. No matter how much his body itched to hold her close.

He walked her to the door, his chest tightening with every step she put between them, and he tried one last time to get through to her.

“Will you please just...call me if I can help? If I can do anything. I--I can’t even begin to--I’m so sorry, y/n.”

She reached out to cup his cheek in her palm and he immediately fell into the warmth of her touch, gripped desperately at her wrist like it might somehow stop her from leaving him.

“It’s not your fault.” She whispered.

He bit his lip feeling the tears that were brimming angrily at the edge of his eyes.

“How come every time you tell me it’s not my fault, it feels like it is?” He chuckled dryly.

She doesn’t answer.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

“Can I at least hug you goodbye?”

She paused. “I don’t...I don’t really wanna be touched right now. If that’s okay?”

He’s never wanted to cry so much in his life.

“Y--Yea. No, of course. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

And then she’s gone and it’s like she took the sun, and the moon, and her touch, and everything else good with her too.

****

@shawnmendes: friendly reminder that if you’re saying terrible things about my loved ones, I don’t consider you a fan. At all.

His phone and email had been going off all morning, but he figures if he never leaves the gym, he never really has to answer them. His girlfriend hadn’t answered a single text in hours. If he wasn’t getting answers, neither was Andrew. The E! News story had gone somewhat viral and it was definitely a thing now. She was hurting, and despite her explicitly telling him it wasn’t his fault, he hadn’t been able to rid the image of her face crumpling in the kitchen from his mind. He pushed the the incline on the treadmill up another level and adjusted his speed to make it harder, trying to fill his head with literally anything else but her suffering. He’d been down in the gym for two and a half hours and nothing was working. He just needed her.

His phone lit up and buzzed for the umpeenth time that morning only this time it was one of two people he’d actually answer for. He let the treadmill come to a grinding halt and picked the phone in his hand.

“Hey mum,” he panted. “Sorry! I’m at the gym.”

“Oh. Sorry to bother you, do you want me to call back later?”

“No. I uh--I’ve maybe overdone it a little bit today. I could use your voice in my head.”

The gym was completely empty so he didn’t feel so bad sliding himself down against one of the mirrored walls to talk to the only person who might be able to make it better somehow.

“Yea...Andrew called us today. Said he hasn’t been able to get a hold of you.”

He sighed. “Did he tell you why?”

“He did. How is she doing?”

The fact that she asked about his girlfriend made his mangled heart a little less damaged. His mum was just incredible in that way.

He pulled a little desperately at his sweaty hair and knew that he probably looked as defeated at he felt.

“She...I’ve never seen her look like that mum. She’s been so scared this whole time that people were gonna judge her, or think that we shouldn’t be together. And I kept spouting her this idealistic bullshit that no one would care, that it wouldn’t matter. It’s all my fault.” He muttered pinching his eyes shut as the tears came again.

“Oh Shawn you can’t take all that weight onto yourself, sweetheart. You only have power over yourself and over your actions. You don’t dictate how the world responds. It’s not your fault.”

He sniffled angrily. “But if I wasn’t who I was, she never would’ve looked like that. She never would’ve cried like that. I just wanna make her happy, but these people only want to hurt her because of me . . . Mum she wouldn’t even let me hug her this morning.”

His chin trembles a little bit and so he hides his face in his arm despite the fact that no one else is around.

“You and I both know that’s not what that was about.” She hummed softly. “Now listen to me. This morning was probably very hard for her, just as I imagine it was for you. And i think if you wanna be there for her right now, you’re gonna have to forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you did wrong. That pain that you’re feeling in this moment? The love that you have? That’s good, Shawn; that’s beautiful. Focus on that, not on what some box on the internet with your face attached said. That’s not you. The person with their heart on their sleeve is you.”

His mum was his rock. She had been his entire life, and a moment like that just solidified it. Sometimes when he’d been anxious when he was first starting out, she would just call him and talk to him until he could breathe normally again. And this felt like that. This felt like he was a little kid again just waiting for his parent to make it all okay again. The magical thing was that she actually did.

“She left this morning.” He murmured when he could find it within himself. “And I’ve wanted to go to her ever since. But I don’t...I don’t wanna make things worse than they already are.”

“I get that. Do you think she really wants the space?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think I know every thought she’s ever had. Other times I think I’ve never known anything in my whole life.” He admits.

“Why don’t you go to her. Show that you’re there if she needs it. She’ll tell you what she wants. All you can do is respect that. I’ll tell Andrew to maybe take it easy on you today okay?”

“Okay.”

“In the meantime, I think he would appreciate it if you stepped away from social media until your head is clear.”

He snorted. Andrew was lucky the initial draft of him quoting a Brendon Urie tweet that had in so many words told everyone who was rude to his loved ones to fuck off, hadn’t made the cut.

“Yea I’ll make sure to do that. . . Thanks mum. I love you.” He breathed.

“I love you too darling. Come visit us when this all gets cleared up, eh?”

“We will.”

It’s a long trek back to his apartment. There was a strain in his thigh, that told him he’d over done it. He almost went straight to her door only to catch a whiff of himself and quickly steered his way back to his apartment. The washing is rushed and half hazard. All he wanted was to get back to her. To be there with her. Nothing else really mattered in that moment. Not the label. Not Andrew. Not twitter. And for maybe the first time in his whole entire career, not even the fans. He was really experiencing tunnel vision, and that meant something incredibly important to him, because never had he ever felt that way before. That she was everything. But, she was everything.

When he gets to her door, he freezes. Despite the soothing voice of his mother, there’s still so much uncertainty that it’s startling. He didn’t know what he would do if she asked him to go away. It had only been maybe four hours, but it had felt like days. Every moment that she was hurting and he wasn’t doing anything about it felt like his own personal failure. So he just had to try to give her everything that he could. She deserved that much of him.

He knocked hesitantly and waited with bated breath. It’s perhaps the longest wait of his life.

When the door opens, his eyes do their best to take in her every atom. Her eyes are still red. She’d been crying within the last hour at least. She’s wearing a hoodie he bought her when he’d left Toronto for too long to not bring a gift back, back when they still had zero clue what they were to each other. It’s fluffy and white and the sleeves of it seem to be drenched in tears if the malformations in the fabric are anything to go off of. The lights inside her apartment are off. She still smells like lavender and lime from the night before. She sorts of looks like hell, but even then hell had never looked so good. His whole body ached to move forward, to grab and hold and touch, but he remembered the last thing she said to him and knew that it wasn’t his place at that moment

“Hi.” she mumbled hoarsely. “You made it five whole hours.”

He twisted anxiously at the ring on his finger.

“I’ve been in the gym the whole time. My legs hurt very much.”

Her eyes do that thing where they sort of brighten at any sign of danger. Her eyes look him over for any sign that he might be hurt and he almost wants to laugh, or cry, because who the hell cares about him right now?

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Not really. Are you?”

“No.”

“Can I come in? I don’t need to be in the same room as you, if that’s not what you want right now. You don’t have to say a word to me at all I just….I just wanna be here. With you. Please?”

Her lip started to tremble and so she bit anxiously at it. She twisted at the door knob and blinked rapidly as her eyes welled up all over.

“Remember when I said I didn’t want to be touched?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

He doesn’t know how to quite describe the look on her face. It was like a crumpling. Like the skin of her face just caved and folded in on her self revealing this profound sadness that she’d been trying to lock away from him, from maybe herself. His heart broke like a scab bursting to let all of the pain and the ugly out again. She brought her hands up to cover her face and mumbled out through her sobs:

“Will you just hold me please?”

It’s the fastest he’s ever moved in his life, scooping her up in his arms that way. He exhaled this long, heady breath just feeling like he was sinking under the weight of her pain. She cried into his shoulder for a long while, so he cradled her there against his chest and just breathed. And he breathed and he breathed as if it might help anything, like it might get her to calm down.

When her sobs turned to hiccups he steered her gently in the direction of her bedroom pushing her softly beneath the covers. She liked to have as many blankets as humanly possible, and usually it had him sweating in the middle of the night, but for now there was no question. She stared at him with wide eyes when he didn’t immediately crawl in after her, so he reached for her hand and squeezed firmly.

“I’m just turning the aromatherapy on okay? I’ll be right back.”

It’s a little water diffuser that sits on top of her dresser. He’d gotten it for her for Christmas, when her old one broke. Eucalyptus quickly filled the air as he made his way back to her. They often times had tried to get as close as two humans physically could. Shawn liked to think they were sappy in that way, but today is a whole new level. He’s never held her so close. Never failed to see where his legs ended and hers began. Never intertwined their fingertips with such ferocity. But she needs him. And so he’s there. It’s just that simple.

“Will you do me a favor?”

He peered down at her, big brown eyes doing him in immediately.

“Anything.”

“Will you just sort of….smother me?”

“I’m sorry? N--No. No I am not going to smother you. I would never do anything to hurt you, ever.”

She snorted. “Not in a harmful, with a pillow kind of way, Shawn. Jesus! I meant more like in a put all of your body weight on top of me until I feel like I’m rooted to this earth again, kind of smothering.”

They’d had conversations before. Usually when they were high. She would tell him about this concept of floating. It was a defense mechanism apparently. The body experiences trauma and so it sort of leaves itself. It shuts down to protect the brain, so that you don’t remember. She’d experienced that sometimes in her life, but she never really knew how to come out of it. Her body sometimes didn’t want to. So, when she asks him to help root her, he gets it immediately. And he feels like an ass for making it seem weird, or like something he shouldn’t have to do. Of course he’d root her to the bed, if that’s what she needed.

“Oh. Oh, of course. Yea just...just tell me if I’m doing it right okay?”

She nodded moving slowly to her back and parting her legs for him to slide between. He was nervous that his long awkward limbs would squish her. And he kept trying to find ways to settle against her without hurting her. Eventually she must’ve gotten tired of his bullshit, because she tugged at his shirt until he lost balance and toppled on top of her. Before he could even find it within himself to be terrified, she let out her first giggle since that morning.

“See that’s all I wanted.”

*five hours later*

“I wanna shower.”

It’s the first thing she’s said in hours and it startles him a little bit, but there’s no way in hell he’s ever gonna tell her no.

It surprised him that she asked him to follow, asked if he’d still wash her hair for her. She’s still quiet throughout most of the process, but it’s like she’s waking up, slowly.

The next time she speaks is when she’s sitting on her bed brushing through her hair to detangle the strands.

“I wanna get a piercing I think.”

He’d just pulled on his underwear, but quickly plopped down beside her on the bed.

“A piercing?”

“Yea. Would you go with me?”

“Of course I would. When do you wanna go?”

“Now. And can we get food afterwards?”

He peered at her for a second trying to understand exactly what was happening. Was it a coping mechanism? Was it her way of saying fuck you to everyone? Was she covering her emotions up again? He didn’t know, and he couldn’t help but remember his mum telling him that all he could do was be there for her if she needed and wanted it.

“Can I?” He murmured pulling her brush gently from her fingers and resuming in detangling the strands. “I wanna understand better about what’s going on here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just...You didn’t talk for hours, babe. Which is fine. I want you to do whatever you need right now, but then all of a sudden you’re up and moving and the first thing you wanna do is get a piercing? I feel like I’m missing a piece of the puzzle here. I just want to understand.”

Her fingers reached for the necklace at the base of her throat, and it made his heart feel warm to see the swallow there.

“I just need to not think for a while. And I thought this might be a way to do that.” She whispered. “I didn’t meant to scare you.”

“I’m not scared. I just want to be there for you. If you want to get a piercing, let’s go get a piercing.”

She smiled shyly and and tucked her head against his. “And food?”

“And food.”

So they do. He takes her to some random shop in Toronto. She spends a long time looking at different studs and different rings. She points them out and asks him what he thinks and even if they all sort of look similar to him he tries to find the differences that might make her happy. She picks out this pretty rose gold flower and this tiny hoop. Suddenly she’s getting her nose pierced and a forward helix on her ear. It’s kind of badass.

“Are you gonna get one?” She asked as they waited for a worker to become available.

His eyes widened. “Should I?”

“Why shouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know...What would I get?”

“Hmm…”

And that’s how he ended up getting a piercing to make his girlfriend less sad.

“How does it look?” She asked wiggling her nose at him.

He grinned and ran his thumb gently along the bridge of her nose. They’d watched a Star is Born recently, and he kind of wanted to run his finger along her nose ever since. She closed her eyes and scrunched her nose and then whined when it hurt to do so. His heart fucking soared.

“You look adorable.” He murmured taking her face in his hands. “So pretty.”

She brought her hands up to cover his and smiled shyly at the ground.

“You sure you’re not just saying that?”

He shook his head. “I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”

“Mkay….Now it’s your turn!”

It hurts like a bitch. She grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers, and he assured her he’d be fine, but like….fuck.

The worker goes to get them cleaning solution and she runs her finger gently along the length of his ear where the helix now sticks out.

“I’m gonna be completely and totally honest with you right now. This is really getting me going.”

He chuckled hand resting on her hip. “Really?”

“Like...really, really. You could totally pick me up at a bar right now.”

“Are you insinuating that before this piercing I couldn’t have picked you up? You’re literally my girlfriend.”

She shrugged. “Yea, but like before the piercing who knows if you would’ve had the guts to take me. And now it’s like...damn daddy. You know?”

“No. No I don’t know. But I have a feeling you and my fans would get along much better than you think.” He snorted.

Shit. It didn’t even hit him that what he was saying was wrong until her face dimmed again.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Babe, look at me; I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think. I need to think more.”

She was still wearing the sweater he bought her and pulled gently at the sleeves till they covered her hands. She shrugged gently and played with the fabric.

“No biggie. What am I supposed to ask you to never bring them up again, just because they think I’m some hideous, fat slob. They’re at least a third of the way right.”

The worker comes back before he can try to dissect what she just said there, and his phone is ringing, because the world hates him.

“It’s Andrew. I’ve been ignoring him all day.”

“Go, take it. I’ll finish up here.” She assured him.

He reached into his wallet and handed the woman his card, squeezing softly at his girlfriend’s hand when she protested about him paying. Suddenly his phone call was a little more important.

“Hey.” He breathed stepping outside into the cold air. “I’m sorry I went ghost. I just...It got bad.”

“Yea, I talked to Karen. She kind of filled me in. How’s she holding up?”

He looked back through the window of the shop and he racked his brain for a way to explain it.

“I--I think we’ll be okay. I don’t know, her coping mechanisms are much different than mine. She secludes where I just wanna talk about everything. So I’m just trying to understand. And trying to figure out how this isn’t my fault, I think.”

“Shawn--”

“I don’t really wanna discuss it right now. If that’s okay?” He mumbled.

Andrew laughed softly. “Kinda contradicts what you just said, now doesn’t it?”

“Yea. Yea, I guess maybe she’s rubbing off on me a little. But like...this isn’t about me, Andrew. It’s about her. And she’s hurting right now. So, it feels like I should be doing everything in my power to make sure that’s not the case anymore, ya know?”

“I understand. We can be okay with that. Do you want me to update you on what your schedule looks like in the next couple of weeks though?”

“Sure.”

She comes outside while Andrew is speaking and wraps her arms around him. He runs his fingers along the bridge of her nose again, and she smiles.

“I have you back in California next week to begin tour rehearsals and Grammy rehearsals.”

“Next week as in when?”

“As in Monday, bud.”

He looks into her eyes and shakes his head.

“Can we push it back?”

Andrew sighed. “Shawn. Grammys are really important here. Miley was prepared to begin on Monday.”

“I will call Miley and personally apologize. I’ll send some flowers or something. Please, push it back, Andrew.”

“What are you doing?” She whispered eyebrows hitching upward.

“I can try to get you there Friday, but that is the latest I can do. You have to be in California.”

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, but didn’t answer.

“Friday. I can be there by Friday. Thank you. How long am I in California?”

There are fittings to be had. Photoshoots. Tour meetings. Sound checks. Studio sessions. Meetings with the label. Meetings with Andrew. Meetings with the merch people. Meetings with his stylist for tour outfits. And somehow he was gonna have to to make it all happen. It was just different now. She was different.

He made a promise to talk to Andrew later before quickly getting off the phone. He wrapped his arms tightly around her nuzzling their heads together.

“So, dinner? I guess we kind of missed breakfast and lunch.”

“Don’t do that. What did you just do right now?”

He shrugged. “I chose you.”

“What does that mean?”

“I decided that I wanted to prioritize our relationship over everything else. I decided that you mean more than the meetings or the flights, or the endorsements. You come first.”

She bit her lip. “Shawn you don’t need to do that for me. I know I lost my cool today, but I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

“It’s not just for you, honey. I just...I’m just doing what my heart is telling me is right. And my heart is telling me that I’m supposed to be here, right now. Not California. Not in some rehearsal room. Not in a fancy music exec’s office. But with you. So let’s get some dinner, okay? And try to salvage what is left of this day.”

She looks up at him with inquisitive eyes like she’s trying to find a hidden meaning somewhere. But there isn’t one to be had. He simply loved her. That was all. It couldn’t get more honest than that.

“I don’t ever want to get in the way.” She murmured squeezing the fabric of his shirt between her fingers. “I want music to always be what you need it to be, Shawn. I--I’m just learning. I’m trying to mold myself to this life that you have here. And it is...really fucking hard if I’m being honest. And I get why. I knew going into this, that what I am might not make sense for you.”

“Don’t say that. You make all the sense in the world.” He told her fiercely. “I love you. That’s enough, isn’t it?”

She smiled sadly. “I think so. I want it to be so. But, I say all of that to say that...I wanna like, be a part of your life. And so I’ll figure out how to adjust. Just, please be patient with me. You don’t need to change your life for me.”

He let his fingers come up to skim along the length of her neck before he gripped softly at her cheek. Her hand came up to rest over his and all he wanted was to kiss her until the sun came up.

“I’ll try to keep that in mind. Just as long as you keep in my mind that I’ve never met anyone more deserving of changing life around for.”

“Okay.” She mumbled, the corners of her mouth dipping slightly up.

He smiled. “We should probably stop somewhere and get condoms too, because as beautiful as this morning was I’d like to last more than ten seconds with you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Awww you lasted at least twenty, babe.”

Funny.

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @@illloveyouforever1 @justbeingoceana @grittyisathot @hayyitsfayy @claredolphinbear24 @september-lace @grittyathot @literallyshawn @mchutchmendes

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #Shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn mendes fan fic #Shawn mendes smut #Shawn mendes series #Shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes angst #Shawn mendes au #Shawn mendes x y/n #Shawn mendes x you #Shawn mendes x female reader #Shawn mendes x fat reader #Shawn mendes blurb

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valentines-in-london · 5 years

Text

I Need Fire (Part 6)

Authors Note: Don’t hate me for what I did at the end of this chapter!! I tried to make it so you could emphasize with both sides, let me know what you think. Warnings: Smut, Fluff, Angst Word Count: 6,526 Taglist: @freddiessmallnipples @triplehaitches

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Chapter 6

Rayne walked through the door to her apartment after an exhausting day at work, to make matters worse she was running late. Everything in the office got backed up today and she left thirty minutes later than expected, and she was meeting Tommy for dinner tonight. She had to get ready as fast as possible. Rayne went to her closet, grabbed a black dress that hugged her curves in all the right spots, a cute lacy bra and matching underwear before making her way to the bathroom to change.

“Oh fuck!” Rayne cried out when she turned toward the bathroom covering her eyes. “Hello Vince.”

Vince was walking back towards Jo’s bedroom, the only problem was, he was stark naked. Jo and Vince had gotten back together and were actually exclusively dating each other. Rayne thought back to when Jo said to her that she and Tommy were so sweet it gave her cavities. Vince and Jo were inseparable since getting back together; Vince would even go by Jo’s campus every day to pick her up after classes. “Hey Ray.” Rayne couldn’t see the smile on Vince’s face but she could absolutely hear it.

“Vince, who are you, oh-sorry Ray.” Rayne heard Jo’s voice, she assumed Jo had come out of the bedroom. The couple giggled and Rayne heard the door to Jo’s room shut. She quickly went into the bathroom and started to change. Tommy wouldn’t tell her where he was taking her for dinner but he did tell her to dress up. That notion was slightly foreign to Rayne, she loved fashion but didn’t have many items of fancy clothing. The dress she picked was simple and had a swoop neck to tastefully show off her chest, the dress came in around her waist and then flowed out at the hips ending down just above the knees. Luckily California was going through a warm fall because she didn’t have a warmer dress. Rayne grabbed her makeup bag and began digging around, she didn’t have a ton of time so she simply grabbed a champagne shimmer eyeshadow which popped on her eyelids, and she dramatically lined her eyes with brown eyeliner, smoking it out with a brush giving her an exotic look. Of course she pushed her hair back and dragged some, okay a lot, of peach blush from her hairline down to her cheeks.

Just as she was about to put her lipstick on there was a knock at the door. Shit! Tommy was at the apartment. Rayne rushed out of the bathroom towards the front door, opening it up for him. “Hey, I’m so sorry I’m a bit behind, I got out of work later than expected.” Tommy leaned down and gave Rayne a soft kiss on her lips.

“Our reservations are for 7, you have some time.” Tommy smiled. Rayne sighed before taking a look at Tommy. He was in a pair of black jeans, a white button up shirt and a black blazer. Even Tommy’s hair was more tame, it was still voluminous but it wasn’t quite as dramatically feathered as usual.

“Well you clean up nice.” Rayne nodded cocking her eyebrow.

“Yeah well, I didn’t want to embarrass you.” Tommy shuffled is feet looking down. Rayne reached up and cupped Tommy’s cheek in her hand, “You could walk into wherever we’re going naked, and it wouldn’t embarrass me.”

Tommy smiled in response. “I have to finish my makeup and touch up my hair, come with me.”

Rayne led Tommy back to the bathroom where he sat down on the closed toilet seat and watched as Rayne finished getting ready. Rayne could feel Tommy’s eyes on her, studying her intently. “You’re making this very difficult.”

“I’m just appreciating your beauty.” Tommy spoke genuinely causing Rayne to smile as she applied her bright red lipstick to her full lips. She grabbed a small brush to even out any small mistakes she made with applying the color straight from the bullet. Rayne never liked her makeup to be too perfect, she always thought it was sexier if it was a little messy.

“What do you think, hair up or down?” Rayne asked facing Tommy pulling her hair up in a high pony tail and then letting it fall down around her shoulders down to the middle of her back.

“I like it any way, but I can see your face better when you put it up.” Tommy cocked his head to the side.

“And that’s a good thing?” Rayne teased watching as Tommy’s face fell about to protest her question. “I’m kidding Tommy. I’m just kidding.”

Rayne took her hair in her hands and grabbed a hair tie. She smoothed out any bumps that her unruly curls naturally created before tightly tying her hair. She took a few bobby pins to keep it high up and in place. Despite the pony tail, Rayne’s hair still hung down her back. Tommy leaned forward putting his elbow on the bathroom counter. “You really are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

Rayne turned towards Tommy sighing at his words. She couldn’t help smiling down at him, she extended her hand to him and Tommy quickly grabbed onto it. Sometimes Rayne couldn’t believe Tommy was actually real, his heart was so pure, it blew her mind most of the time. “Let me just get my jewelry and we can go.”

When she left the room it was as if the apartment became twenty degrees cooler. She got the same feeling she had when Tommy first started pursuing her; the air around them was electric. Rayne grabbed a necklace and some medium sized hoop earrings. Returning back to the bathroom Rayne put her hoops in before she handed the necklace to Tommy. “Would you mind?”

Tommy happily stood up taking the silver necklace from Rayne, standing behind her he brought the necklace up to her neck before bringing it around to clasp it. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders rubbing them as he spoke. “You ready?”

“Yeah let’s go.”

Tommy brought them to a really fancy steakhouse, as the two were seated Rayne looked around at the fancy chandeliers totally blown away. “Tommy this place is way too fancy for us. We should go.”

“No way dude, I’ve been craving a steak for ever!” Tommy smiled happily while Rayne leaned in. “You do realize I could teach you how to cook a steak right? It’s not that hard.”

“Next time.” Tommy smiled before looking through the menu. “I’m going to destroy this t-bone steak.”

“Is that some form of cannibalism? T-bone, eating a t-bone.” Rayne joked.

The two ordered drinks and their meals and fell into easy conversation. They talked about everything from the upcoming record release, Rayne accidentally walking in on a nurse and doctor in her office having sex, and of course making sure the plan was not to dine and dash (thankfully it wasn’t). “Oh! I forgot to tell you. I heard Live Wire on KNAC last night before I went to sleep. I almost screamed I was so excited for you guys.”

Tommy smiled, “Yeah according to Zutaut local radio is going crazy for Live Wire.”

“That’s incredible Tommy,” Rayne reached across the table and rested her hand on top of his. “Any word about the Canadian tour? Tom said if local radio started playing the song he could get you that tour.”

Their waiter brought out the food setting each meal on the table in front of the couple, and their conversation continued. “Yeah, apparently it’s gonna start next month. They already started promoting the shows up there.”

Rayne’s heart fell slightly, the tour was starting soon much sooner than Rayne had anticipated. But at the same time this was unquestionably huge for the band and she couldn’t help but be happy for them. Rayne took a deep breath making sure to mask any signs of her feelings, “Tommy that’s great. How many dates?”

“Not many, eighteen, all across the country. The record company has some plans for us while we’re there for publicity.” Rayne was about to ask Tommy to explain more about that before he changed the subject, “I’ve never left the States before. Have you?”

“Left America? No, I hope to one day. I’ve always wanted to go to England.” Rayne replied, she absolutely had the itch to travel but really had no one to do it with, maybe Jo when she was finally done school.

“We’ll go. I promise.” Tommy spoke with utter conviction. She had no doubt Tommy would get there eventually. Rayne nodded her head smiling at Tommy.

“Tommy I’m going to tell you something. You are like my dream, I, well I didn’t have the greatest childhood and I basically gave up on romance and love a long time ago. I told myself that I would be content reading about it in books and in movies but I never dared to dream that I could ever experience life in that way for fear of disappointment. Then you come along and completely turn everything upside down in the most wonderful way ever. I know I keep walls up, and I know I’m not the most open woman in the world and I suck at expressing how I feel. But I want you to know that you make me very happy. So I guess I should say thank you.” Rayne poured her heart out. Damn, she wasn’t even drunk.

Tommy looked at the beautiful woman in front of him, her words shook him to the core, and a pang of guilt hit him. He had to talk to her about what the record company wanted them to do in Canada, and him specifically. Tommy got up out of his seat across from Rayne and slid into the booth next to her, his brown eyes locked with Rayne’s green ones. Tommy slowly lowered his head and kissed Rayne gently on the lips. “You don’t have to thank me for anything. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to feel beautiful, and you deserve romance. And I’ll spend my entire life making sure you always feel that way, if you’ll let me.”

Rayne smiled up at him and placed another kiss on his lips. “You’re sweet. Now get back over on your side of the table before we get kicked out of here.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Later that night Tommy and Rayne walked the streets of Hollywood holding hands while they held ice cream comes in their free hand. “Tonight was fun Tommy.” Rayne smiled licking the last of rainbow sprinkles off her ice cream.

“I’m glad you enjoyed. Anytime I’m in your presence I have fun.” Tommy pulled Rayne closer to him as the two kept walking before straightening his arm and moving away from her again. The two continued like that until they got to a nice empty park. The moon was full so everything was illuminated. “You wanna dance with me?”

“Tommy there’s no music.” Rayne laughed, “And you can’t dance.”

“If you’re really quiet you’ll hear the music.” Tommy pulled Rayne towards him raising their hands up next to him and placing his hand at the small of her back. Rayne smiled up at Tommy and sighed as she closed her eyes. And damn it if he wasn’t right, Rayne could hear the sounds of “Keep On Loving You” by REO Speedwagon dancing on the November air and surrounding them, someone was probably playing it with the windows open. The two swayed back and forth next to the jungle gym, Rayne resting her head on Tommy’s chest.

And I meant Every word I said When I said that I loved you I meant that I’d love you forever

“See I told you, you could hear it if you listen close.” Tommy whispered in her ear before dipping her down causing Rayne to let out a gleeful laugh.

Baby, I’m gonna keep on loving you ‘Cause it’s the only thing I wanna do I don’t want to sleep, I just want to keep on lovin’ you

When Tommy placed Rayne back on her feet the two were a mess of smiles and laughter. At that moment Rayne felt like she was on top of the world, her heart sang for the man in front of her and he returned the sentiment ten fold. “So you’re not going to call me a dork?”

Rayne’s heart began to race, she’d genuinely never felt like this before at any point in her entire life. It was as if she was standing at the edge of a cliff. For once in her life she listened to her heart and not her head. “No I’m not. Tommy, I love you.”

The words effortlessly fell from her lips, surprising even Rayne. She looked up at Tommy for reassurance, that listening to her heart was the right thing to do. Tommy’s eyes were wide, absolutely shocked by Rayne’s proclamation. For a moment he didn’t believe his ears. He looked down at Rayne who was looking at him with utter vulnerability and in that moment his heart soared. He quickly grabbed Rayne lifting her up so that Rayne had to wrap her legs around his hips. “Tommy I’m going to break you!”

“You love me?” Tommy looked up at a nodding smiling Rayne convinced this was the happiest moment of his life. Rayne leaned her head down slightly to gently kiss Tommy. “Come on, follow me.”

The two made their way back to Tommy’s beat up car. As the two drove they kept their hands clasped tightly together while Tommy drove. Occasionally one would bring the others hand up to their lips to kiss the others knuckles. As Tommy drove Rayne started to not notice the surroundings. “Uh Tommy, where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” Was Tommy’s simple response. Rayne leaned forward a small smile playing on her lips. “Tommy both of our apartments are back that way.”

Tommy didn’t respond as the California palm trees continued to pass them by for about ten more minutes until he pulled into a parking space. Taking the key out of the ignition Tommy opened the car door walking in front of the car he opened the door for Rayne to get out. Rayne was still utterly confused as she took Tommy’s hand. Together they climbed a set of stairs until they arrived at a door with the number 76 in silver. “Tommy what are we-“ Rayne began before Tommy pulled out a key and dangled it in front of her. “I bought a condo. It’s mine.”

Rayne’s jaw dropped. “Holy shit Tommy. Congratulations!”

Tommy smiled and inserted the key before twisting the doorknob opening the door. Hand in hand they entered the condo, Tommy reached for a light switch to illuminate the place. To say it was the complete and total opposite of the apartment she had first met Tommy in was an understatement. Everything was clean, there were no beer bottles littering the floor, no cigarette stains on the carpet. Shit there was even a piano in the living room. It almost looked as if Tommy didn’t even live there. “This is actually you’re place right? You didn’t mug some guy for his key or something? This place is beautiful!”

Tommy let out a laugh, “Well if I’m being honest I asked someone at the record company to hook me up with someone to decorate the place. I took my part of the record company advance and put it towards this. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Oh it’s a surprise alright.” Rayne continued to look around the place before turning to Tommy, “Why get a condo though? You had the apartment with the band.”

“Yeah but I couldn’t take you back to that apartment.” Tommy smiled devilishly.

“You’ve gotta be fucking with me, you did not buy a condo because of me.” Rayne put her hand on the marble counter top in the kitchen.

“It was definitely a big reason.” Tommy smiled placing his hands behind her thighs lifting Rayne up onto the counter making her squeal. Tommy settled between her legs. “I know you have your own apartment Rayne, but I wanted to get a place that we could both enjoy. This place is as much yours as it is mine.”

“No Tommy, it’s your place. You bought it.” Rayne logically reasoned placing her hand on Tommy’s chest.

“That’s true, but it’s also yours Rayne. Just like I am.” Rayne’s heart melted before she leaned in to kiss Tommy. The kisses began soft and tender, but soon the heat between the two took over. Rayne pushed Tommy’s blazer off his shoulders as she slid her tongue into his mouth. Rayne heard the jacket hit the floor just as Tommy broke the kiss and picked her up and threw her over his shoulder causing Rayne to laugh out loud.

“Tommy how are you so fucking skinny but you can throw me over your shoulder like a caveman?” Rayne giggled looking down at the floor.

“I’m a drummer babe I gotta have upper body strength.” Tommy replied giving her ass a loud playful smack. Tommy continued to walk to the bedroom of the condo, he crossed the threshold and gently placed Rayne back onto her feet smiling at her as she looked around the bedroom. Tommy wanted the bedroom to be cozy and it absolutely was. The big bed against the wall was decked out in a lush black comforter and the pillows and sheets were bright red. There was a big bay window next to the bed that overlooked Los Angeles’ bright lights below them. He even had a small book shelf next to the closet.

“Are those rose petals on the bed Tommy?” Rayne pointed back to the comforter.

“Mmmhmm.” Tommy grinned leaning back in for a kiss.

“Okay now I’m gonna say it. You’re such a dork.” Rayne smiled as she wrapped her arms around Tommy’s neck. Tommy reached down and gently began to ease Rayne’s black dress up and off her body.

“As much as I love this dress on you, I think I like it better on the floor.” Tommy tried to be smooth as he lifted the dress over her head and dropped it on the floor.

“At least you didn’t rip this dress.” Rayne giggled looking up at Tommy as she began unbuttoning his white shirt, sliding that off his shoulder and throwing it in the pile of discarded clothes.

“Lay down on the bed.” Tommy gently ordered. Rayne grinned before turning towards the bed. She took her time making sure to accentuate her hips swaying back and forth as she knew Tommy loved her ass. When she got to the bed Rayne lifted her right knee up onto the king size bed and began crawling up towards the pillows. When she reached the pillows she slowly turned around, bending her left leg at the knee, resting back on her elbows and faced Tommy. Grabbing a handful of petals she dusted them all over her body.

“You enjoying the show handsome? I’m a little lonely up here and would enjoy some company.” Rayne spoke in a husky voice rocking her left leg back and forth.

“Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you are? You’re a temptress.” Tommy walked up to the bed locking eyes with Rayne. As he was about to get onto the bed Rayne quickly held her hand up to stop him.

“Nope, this is a no pants zone. If I have to be up here in a bra and panties you can’t be wearing jeans.” Tommy happily unzipped his pants and quickly removed the jeans, leaving him in boxer briefs. Rayne was actually surprised he was even wearing underwear. “Now you can get on the bed.”

Tommy crawled on top of Rayne in bed, she spread her legs so he could settle between them. Tommy looked down at Rayne who was looking up at him with utter adoration. “You’re not going to keep me waiting are you?”

“No baby.” Tommy whispered against her lips before placing a kiss upon them. “No more waiting.”

“Oh thank god.” Rayne giggled. Tommy began kissing down Rayne’s chest, when he got to her bra he saw the front clasp and made quick work to pop the clasp open. Rayne was in utter bliss as Tommy lavished her breasts with licks, sucks and kisses while she grinded against his hips. She and Tommy hadn’t had a ton of alone time as of late, if they were at Rayne’s apartment Jo was usually there, and if they were out at a club, well that goes without saying why they didn’t have privacy. To have time with Tommy that was just for the two of them, it was pure heaven.

Rayne opened her eyes when Tommy’s hands made their way up to her breasts and began to squeeze them softly pinching her nipples. “Fuck Tommy.”

“Your tits are fucking perfect baby.” Tommy said appreciatively. Rayne smiled up at him. “They’re way more than a handful.”

“Which makes them perfect for me.” Tommy grinned before bringing his mouth down to Rayne’s nipple once more. Rayne was so wound up she didn’t know if she could take much more teasing.

“Tommy as much as I love foreplay, the last few months have basically been just that. I want you to fuck me.” Rayne spoke with passion running her fingers through his soft hair. Tommy looked up at Rayne. “Oh baby I’m not going to fuck you.”

“Tommy I swear to god if you say I’m going to make love you to, my legs will close faster than you can get the words out.” Rayne laughed. She always hated the term “make love” yes there was a difference between sex that meant something and fucking, but making love? Nope she hated it.

“God damn you are so bossy.” Tommy winked at her before he got off of her body reaching into the drawer next to his bed for a condom.

“You love me.” Rayne smiled from beneath him.

“That I do baby. That I do.” Tommy breathed as he put the wrapper between his teeth effortlessly tearing the package and pulling the condom out. Tommy began rolling on the condom, “The first night I met you, I told Nikki I wanted you so bad I would do anything to fuck you.”

“Mmm did you now?” Rayne squirmed as Tommy grabbed his dick and began rubbing it up and down her wet slit until he slowly circled her clit with it. Rayne was about to say something when Tommy slowly began to enter her causing her to throw her head back and moan her appreciation as he filled her up inch by inch. “Fuck Tommy!”

Tommy rested his hands on either side of Rayne’s face and began moving in and out of her at a steady rhythm. Tommy consistently whispered words of adoration in Rayne’s ear, you feel so good, you’re so tight, you’re perfect, and Rayne’s favorite I love you. Tommy paused to sit up on his haunches causing Rayne to grab him trying to pull him back on top of her. Tommy shooed away her grasps and lifted her leg so that it rested on his shoulder so he could continue to pump into her but this time much deeper. He reached down and began rubbing his thumb against Rayne’s exposed clit which caused Rayne to come undone at the seams. “Fuck.” Rayne moaned stretching below him, “Oh my god Tommy.” Tommy wrapped his hands behind Rayne’s back, pulling her up to be flush against him.

“I’m not done with you yet, turn around baby.” Tommy whispered and Rayne did as she was told. At that point Tommy could’ve asked her to do anything and she probably would have complied. Rayne got on all fours, arching her back so her ass was up in the air. Of course Tommy took the opportunity to give it a loud smack. “God damn it Tommy why do you always spank me?”

“Did I hurt you?” Tommy asked genuinely as he soothingly rubbed his hand over the skin he had just hit.

“No, it’s just I’m never expecting it.” Rayne giggled. “I don’t hate it. It actually feels good.”

“Fuck ask and you shall receive baby.” Tommy smiled bringing his hand down against the same spot making Rayne hiss in response. Rayne was surprised when she felt Tommy lean down to place gentle kisses against her sore flesh. Tommy kissed her there and trailed kisses up her spine until he got to her shoulder. “You ready?” Rayne nodded and soon she felt his cock at her entrance again. This time Tommy wasn’t as gentle, his pace was immediate and fast, wanting to find his own release as well as Rayne’s.

The sound of their skin slapping against each other was driving Rayne mad. This time wasn’t about connection for either of them, this was primal, like it was in the bathroom of Gazarri’s. Tommy grabbed Rayne’s pony tail, gently pulling her up as a signal he wanted her to come up to him. Rayne happily complied to this subtle demand. Her back was flush against Tommy’s chest while he continued to move inside of her. Tommy reached his hand up to Rayne’s ponytail easing the band from her hair so that her red curls fell past her shoulders and down her back. Rayne reached an arm up to Tommy’s face, pulling him towards her for a kiss. And soon Tommy was putting his hand on her back pushing her down to the bed. He still kept a handful of her hair pulling on it as he thrusted into her. “I love your fucking hair.”

Rayne smiled to herself while moving her hand down her body towards her pussy to rub her clit while Tommy pumped in and out of her. She soon found a rhythm that made her cry out and she knew she wouldn’t last much longer.

“Fuck Tommy, fu- I’m gonna come again. Please don’t stop.” Rayne begged.

“Rayne!” Tommy cried out her name as he came into the condom. Tommy laid himself down next to Rayne, discarding the used condom in the garbage. The two laid in mostly silence except for their gasps for air. Rayne rolled over against Tommy and gently began kissing all over his face. “You’re a fucking god in bed. Do you know that? I don’t care if that boosts your ego, it deserves to be boosted.”

Tommy turned smiling widely at Rayne. “I aim to please baby.”

“Mission fucking accomplished.” Rayne smiled. The two continued to kiss and she was shocked when Tommy grinded against her and she felt his hard on again. “Tommy there’s no way. You’re fucking hard!”

Now it was Rayne’s turn to have some fun, she climbed on top of Tommy, reaching into the drawer he had gotten the condom from earlier. She grabbed one and ripped the package open with her teeth before putting the condom in her mouth. Tommy looked utterly confused until Rayne scooted herself down and began to roll the condom on Tommy’s dick with her mouth. Tommy moaned and Rayne couldn’t help but smile, she had some tricks up her sleeve too. Rayne spun herself around so her back was facing Tommy. She knew he loved her ass so she knew he would like her in this position. Rayne slowly lowered herself onto Tommy’s cock. “God damn Rayne.”

Rayne made sure to keep herself leaning slightly forward so Tommy could watch himself slide in and out of her as she bounced onto him. “I thought you’d like me like this.”

Tommy’s hands rested on Rayne’s hips moving up and down, back and forth. He could hear her moans fall from her lips as she started riding him harder. “Are you gonna cum baby?” Tommy asked as Rayne’s head fell back nodding up and down. “Look at me when you cum.” Rayne tossed her hair over her shoulder locking her eyes with Tommy. She could see he was close too. “Come on baby, cum for me.” Rayne cried out as her third orgasm of the night crashed over her. Tommy’s hands tightened their hold on her hips as he thrust into her a few more times before Tommy finished.

The two collapsed completely spent in the bed, sweat glistening on both of their skin. “You’re a goddess in bed.” Rayne giggled at Tommy giving her the same compliment as she did him earlier. She rolled off of him laying back down next to him. Tommy looked down at her smiling before pushing himself off of the bed and over to a set of drawers near the door.

“Tommy what are you doing?” Rayne questioned, slightly sitting up in bed. She watched him shuffle around whatever was in the drawer before finding what he was looking her, pulling it out and making Rayne’s eyes go wide. “Oh no you don’t Tommy!”

“Come on, why not?” Tommy smiled wide like nothing was wrong with what he was holding.

“Tommy you are not taking a picture of me right now!” Rayne laughed at the sheer outlandishness of the suggestion. “I don’t have clothes on.”

“That’s kind of the point babe.” Tommy chuckled, still holding the camera.

Rayne sighed, “And if I were to consider this proposition what would this photo be used for?”

“For my eyes only. I’ll take it with me whenever I go on the road.” Tommy replied simply.

“Mmhm, and where would you keep it?” Rayne asked watching as Tommy squirmed. “I don’t know, in my bunk? Wait! I have an idea, stay right where you are.”

Rayne sighed as she watched Tommy rush to the side of the bed grabbing a handful of rose petals. He began strategically placing them over her nipples, “Tommy, what are-“

“Shh hang on.” Tommy whispered finishing placing them on her breasts before he began laying the petals over the mound of her pussy. Tommy stood up straight impressed with his handy work. “See? Now you’re not naked.”

Rayne chuckled, “Oh I’m still very naked.” She saw the spark in Tommy’s eye, “Okay Tommy, but I swear if anyone else sees this picture!”

“I’ll guard it with my life.” Tommy put his hand over his heart.

“Be honest now, do I look gross? Is my makeup all over the place? I mean you did just make me cum three times, we worked up a sweat.” Rayne began to feel very self conscious, her tits may have been covered but her face sure wasn’t.

“Baby you look so beautiful. You have that just fucked look about you, and you’re beautiful.” Tommy replied genuinely. Just as he brought the Polaroid camera up to his eye Rayne pointed to him.

“Okay, but I get to see this picture before it goes with you and I get final say. If I don’t approve it gets burnt.” Tommy voiced his acceptance of the terms and Rayne stuck her hand out, “Shake on it.” Tommy laughed but shook her hand to seal his promise. “Okay, you can take the picture now.”

Tommy got up on the bed, standing tall and pointing the camera straight down at Rayne. Her curly red hair was spread out all around her, a tousled mess. Her makeup smudged in a sexy way, the mascara mixing with the eyeliner to make her light eyes darker. And her lips plump from the bruising kisses she and Tommy shared. Tommy smiled at the sex kitten below him snapping shot after shot, “God damn Rayne you’ve got bedroom eyes.”

Rayne smiled up at him as Tommy shot one more photo of her, taking the Polaroid out and shaking it gently. Tommy jumped off the bed and laid next to Rayne. “Now let’s take one together.” She turned her head towards him, giving him a kiss on the cheek nodding her head. Tommy held his long arm out as far as it could go and snapped the photo.

“How many girls have had the honor of Tommy Lee photographing them after taking them to bed?” Rayne whispered in Tommy’s ear.

“No one else,” Tommy said placing the photos and camera on the nightstand next to the bed. “Just you.”

Rayne leaned up to give Tommy a soft peck on the lips before resting her head on his chest while Tommy gently ran his fingernails across her bare back. Rayne could hear his heart beating quite quickly. “What’s wrong?”

Tommy sighed, “I need to tell you something.”

Rayne didn’t like the sound of that, she quickly sat up grabbing a sheet to cover herself with. She immediately started having flashbacks to the asshole who was with her because he was being paid, or when her first boyfriend told her he “accidently” cheated on her with the captain of the cheerleading squad. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

Tommy sat up, running his hands over his face. “Do you remember at the studio the night we played the album for everyone?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember when Nikki and Tom went off to go talk?”

“Yeah, Nikki said you were infamous on the strip, you have to be infamous everywhere.” Rayne nodded her head vividly remembering the night.

“Well, Nikki and Tom cooked up some staged PR stunts for when we go to Canada. When we get there, we’re going to show up in our stage gear and we’re going to get “arrested.” Vince is gonna have a whole suitcase filled with porn and sex toys, to be confiscated. There’s gonna be a fake bomb threat at one show and we’ll get interviewed by local news for. And…” Tommy trailed off.

“And what Tommy?”

“They want one of us to be photographed through a hotel room window with a handful of naked women.” Tommy finally answered.

“And which one of you will that be?”

“Th-They want it to be me.” Tommy said softly bracing for what was going to come, he grabbed Rayne’s hand to keep her from moving, but it didn’t work. Rayne pulled her hand away from Tommy as quickly as she could as if she had just been burned.

“Why? Why you? Nikki and Mick are single, why not either of them?” Rayne asked, her voice cracking with emotion as she spoke.

“I… I don’t know. Something about me being the good looking one and it being more believable.” Tommy shook his head. “Isn’t Vince the lead singer? Shouldn’t he be the good looking one?” “Vince said he wouldn’t do it because of Jo.” Rayne didn’t know what to say in that moment after the revelation. “Babe, it’s all going to be staged. Nothing is going to happen. I promise.”

“Even if nothing happens Tommy, the people that read those articles will believe it to be true. That news will make it back here because this is where Motley Crue is the hottest thing on the sunset strip. The story will get bigger and more elaborate because that’s how these things work. People know we’re together Tommy, you’ve made sure of that. How do you think that makes me look to the people I know here? I’ll tell you the answer, like a fool.” Rayne started to cry. “If one girl reads you supposedly had a fucking orgy in Canada, what’s to stop her from thinking you aren’t willing to fuck her when you have a girlfriend at home. It’ll create a snowball effect.”

Rayne sighed continuing, “I can handle a lot of shit Tommy. I have my whole life. I can’t handle cheating. You need to know that. If you want to cheat on me, just break up with me. I’d rather you break my heart by breaking up with me than breaking it by showing I’m not good enough.”

“Babe, I’m not going to cheat on you.” Tommy spoke softly.

“I just need you to know that Tommy.” Rayne didn’t ask for much, she never asked Tommy to change who he was, she dealt with him doing drugs, she dealt with watching girls drool all over him when he played shows or the two went out on the town. She didn’t know if she could deal with this. This was bigger than both of them she’d be humiliated. Everyone she knew would look at her differently; like they felt sorry for her she’d already experienced that once in her life and did not want to go through it again. And after hearing that Vince refused because of Jo it hurt her heart that Tommy didn’t refuse for her. She thought she meant more to him than that.

“And how could you tell me this after we just had sex for the first time? After I told you I loved you?” Rayne’s emotions were running high already from their nocturnal activities and earlier in the night when she told him that she loved him. She was the most vulnerable she had been in a long time, it was as if the very soul of her was exposed. Maybe she was acting a bit selfish but she was also trying to protect herself.

“Baby, I’m sorry. Fuck, I fucked up. Look I’ll tell them I won’t do it. Okay?” Tommy begged, brushing the falling tears from Rayne’s cheeks.

“No, I don’t want you to change anything for me, the band will hate me. You have to do what’s best for your career. God forbid you look like you’re whipped too. What does Zutaut call you and Nikki? The Terror Twins? I guess you have to keep the image up huh?” Rayne continued to cry. She knew she was speaking from a place of being hurt, and to be honest she hoped her words hurt as much as Tommy’s did her. “I just- this hurts Tommy.”

“Rayne please, tell me how to fix it. Just tell me and I will.” Tommy pleaded softly, making sure Rayne looked him in the eyes as he said it.

“I… I don’t know Tommy. I have to think about this. I’m gonna call a cab and go home.” As Rayne swung her legs over the side of the bed Tommy grabbed onto her hand.

“Rayne, please don’t. Please stay. I’ll do anything for you to stay.” And Tommy was telling the truth. He knew he fucked up, he knew he should have told Rayne this at dinner, or in the park, or any fucking time before she told him she loved him, and they made love for the first time. He was going to at dinner, but she looked so happy and was opening up to him. He had acted selfish, he couldn’t bear to upset Rayne when she had finally given herself to him, no walls no barriers, just her. But in the end that was exactly what he ended up doing. It wasn’t about keeping up with an image. Yes his career was important, but not at the expense of his heart. “Please Rayne. I’m begging you. Let me make this right.”

Rayne sniffled turning to look at him. Listening to her heart had fucked her over tonight and her brain was telling her to leave, “I don’t know Tommy.” Rayne shook her head softly sniffling as Tommy planted a kiss on her forehead. “I fucking love you Rayne. With all my heart. I want you to know that.”

And with that Tommy walked out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly as he did. It was now up to Rayne to decide if she would stay or go. She fell against the pillows, grabbing the one Tommy had been resting on, clutching it to her chest as she began to sob. Was she being selfish by being upset with the idea of the band gaining more publicity by using Tommy in that way? It was a fake situation after all. But if it was a fake set up why did it feel as though someone was turning a knife in her heart. Was it wrong of her to want him to not do that one thing? She had a lot to think about and hoped she would make the right decision.

Take Me To The Next Chapter...

— Eek, well there you have it! What do we think? The angst was just so juicy I couldn’t refuse it! Is Rayne over reacting? Is she justified in her thinking? I’d love to hear what you all think in my inbox or asks or replies<3 Love you all!

#the dirt #the dirt fanfic #the dirt imagine #motley crue #motley crue imagine #motley crue fanfic #original work #original story #tommy lee #tommy lee imagine #fan fiction #angst #smut #1980s #polaroid #bed of roses

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thehappyscavenger · 5 years

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Books Read in February 2019

There There by Tommy Orange

I read one of the hottest new Lit books in a timely fashion? How shocking! I liked but did not love this. Less a novel then a story cycle it has 12 pov characters, all Native Americans, that are loosely related by blood or circumstance all living in and around Oakland who gather together during a pow wow with some disastrous consequences. The good was the writing which was engaging. I didn’t mind the loose structure but it also disappointed me a little bit. If you’re going to have 12 pov characters you better make them damn distinct and unfortunately they started to bleed together a little too much. I had to keep flipping back through the pages to try and remember who certain characters were and I read this pretty quickly, I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to remember if I was a slower reader. If Orange had focused on fewer characters and fleshed them out a little more I might have liked the book better. It was still a very good solid read, mostly lived up to the hype!

Animals by Emma Jane Unsworth

Another book I liked but didn’t love! Honestly a pretty good solid read. I am a sucker for friendship books and this book is about a 32 year old codependent alcoholic on the verge of growing up and getting married who is still pretty much married to her hard drinking and the best friend who enables her. It’s set in Manchester and honestly the writing was a little... dense for me to get through including some Britishims that I’m not quite sure I understood. Really good and solid though. Also despite this being a really classic tale (woman has bestie, bestie falls in love with a guy, friendship gets fucked up) this had a really good and honest ending which felt perfect. Good read, would recommend.

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

A fantastic book! I read this all in one go because it grabbed me from the beginning and never let go. The book covers about 7 years in the courtship of one couple, an African-American couple from Atlanta who, shortly after their first year of marriage, are separated when the husband of the couple is arrested for rape. The book makes it clear that he didn’t do it, but because of his skin colour he winds up becoming a victim of America’s prison industrial complex and their marriage suffers as a result. It’s a heart breaking read and there are three pov characters and Jones does an excellent job balancing between them and making it clear what their intentions are so that even when they’re hurting each other we see they’re not wrong exactly.

The crazy and sad thing to me is that I read an interview with Jones after reading the book and she said the entire thing was originally told from the woman’s perspective but everyone hated her so much and found her so unsympathetic she added in the male perspectives. Now the book doesn’t suffer at all as a result but at the same time it made me really sad. I would have loved to read this book as told entirely from the woman’s pov and it sucks that black women are still judged so harshly and held to such brutal standards (she said people still find her female character unsympathetic to which I say “Get a grip”). Anyway this was brilliant and I was happy to see that Jones has written other books which I will definitely be digging into.

Childhood by André Alexis

What can I say? I’ve loved Alexis’s writing since I first read the book that broke him into the big leagues, Fifteen Dogs. Childhood is his first book published in 1998 and is a really weird novel, so closed off and in some ways pedantic and self indulgent that I understand why it got very little notice when it was first published. The book takes the form of a love letter written to the main character’s paramour and which he claims is about his mother and her love affair with a man called Henry who was like a father figure to him. At least half of it is about his actual childhood and anyway what it’s actually about is this repressed abused man finally opening up because he doesn’t want to live the life of missed opportunities like his parental figures. Incredible writing completely carries this through. I really enjoyed it though I don’t know if others would. For Canadian lit snobs only I guess.

Erratic Facts by Kay Ryan

I don’t know, I don’t feel like a good poetry reader and I seldom read poetry so I don’t even know how to review this. Ryan is someone whose poems I admire every time I see one so I decided to give these a shot. They’re all quite short and quite beautiful. Only a couple really stuck with me. Still a good, short read.

Amsterdam by Ian McEwan

I’ve read 8 books by McEwan and I’ve loved 7 of them. That 7 now includes Amsterdam which is a quite brilliant and quite darkly amusing short morality novel. It regards two friends, a journalist and a composer, both former lovers of a wonderful woman who dies of a degenerative disease who make a pact to euthanize the other should circumstances ever require it. Fun, surprising, witty. Loved it. As I side not my choices this month were wonderful! not a bad book in the bunch!

I also read two scripts:

Destroyer by Phil Hay & Matt Manfredi

I was actually REALLY looking forward to this movie and when I watched it I was incredibly disappointed. I did something I almost never do after I’ve finished watching the movie and read the script. Sometimes screenplays work better as screenplays and don’t pop when they’re filmed off the page. I didn’t think this one popped per se, but I did think the screenplay didn’t show off the faults and plot holes as much as the movie did. It’s too bad because I liked the story, the twist ending and the lead character but this was a draft or two short of really working.

Eighth Grade by Bo Burnham

Like almost everyone else I was totally traumatized by living through grade 8. I decided there was no way in hell I hated myself enough to watch this movie so I decided to read the script instead. This one popped immediately. Funny, brutal, sharp, hilarious. I’m glad Burnham one some awards for this. Well deserved.

#currently reading #Amsterdam #Ian McEwan #Erratic Facts #Kay Ryan #Childhood #André Alexis #An American Marriage #Tayari Jones #Animals #Emma Jane Unsworth #There There #Tommy Orange #Eighth Grade #Bo Burnham #Destroyer #Phil Hay #Matt Manfredi

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sassysweetstories · 6 years

Text

Fall To Get Back Up

Request: “OK this is a bit of a stretch but can you do an imagine where the reader is like super duper famous like gigi Hadid and was dating Shawn mendes and he broke up with her and she started smoking again and he sees in it paparazzi photos and he feels bad because she looks sad but a few weeks later new photos of her and Daniel Sharman come out and they both look happy and she looks happy and yeah I know that’s super hard but Idk what I would do without your work💖⚡️⚡️”

Ship: Shawn Mendes x Fem!Reader (minor), Daniel Sharman x Fem!Reader

Warnings: fighting, cussing, fluff, angst, guilt, regret, jealousy, mentions of depression, smoking cigarettes, etc.

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to owners.

Tagged: @bailey-hoover @kiralivelove @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw@anamcg317 @bellasett @queentiffanyyy @archer-whovian-violinist@beingmadinwonderland @princessisabelle19 @violence-and-velvet @lachicadelamanzana

Third P.O.V

Nobody had expected the break up. It was huge, the only thing being talked about. SHAWN MENDES BREAKS UP WITH (Y/N) (Y/L/N)! It’s on every news outlet, can’t run from it even if she tried. Andrew was still trying to wrap his head around the situation himself. From the outside, they looked like the perfect couple, happy and healthy. Almost two years of dating, he decided to dump her for what seems no reason whatsoever. And of course, (Y/n) wanted for the situation, the relationship, to have never happened. Except nobody else would stop talking about it, wouldn’t shut up actually. She wanted to get back to her old life but the tweets kept coming in. Some were positive and others, not so much. (Y/n) tried her best to ignore all of it, find a way to cope. But in doing so, she slipped into old, unhealthy habits. She could still feel his soft lips atop hers, warm and plump as sucked down on another cigarette.

Pushing the shades up to the roof of her nose, (Y/n) pulled out another as she made her way over to the cafe to meet with her agent who’s tried effortlessly to get the young woman out of her house, away from bad habits. She knows she’s going to be pictured. There's always someone lurking around the corner, just when she thinks she’s comfortable. But upon entering the cafe shop, there’s a sense of comfort that she hadn’t had in a while. The smell of warm hot cocoa and old, torn books makes her smile for the first time in months. It doesn’t take her long to find her agent, already sat down with her favorite drink as she sported a sympathetic smile. Her agent, V, hadn’t set her and Shawn up. They had fallen for one another all on their own and V couldn’t help but admit that it was great publicity. This though, this breakup was hard.

“THIS JUST IN! MODEL, ACTRESS AND ACTIVIST, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), SEEN FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE BREAKUP WITH CANADIAN MUSICIAN, SHAWN MENDES!” The TV screams and Shawn can’t help but look up, wanting to know if she’s doing okay after their split. The second the image displays, his heart drops. She looks pale and broken, thinner than before as she brought a cigarette up to her lips. Oh my god. . Shawn thought as his face turned pale. I did this to her. . . (Y/n)’s once beautiful and warm face was nothing but cold and lifeless. Her eyes were no longer loving and bright, more gaunty and tired circles. She looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks, months even. The longer Shawn looked at the image, the more regret and guilt he had. God, she looks so broken and sad. He couldn’t not feel for her. They were once the item, the talk of the town if you will.

It takes him a minute to actually see the cigarette. Shawn cusses under his breath at himself. How could he have hurt her so much that she slipped back into old habits? Because of it, he was sure that’s why she looked so different, so broken. It takes everything in him to not call her, to beg her to stop and come home but it’s too late. She won’t come back to him, at least he believes that she won’t. (Y/n) looks incredibly different from when they first met and honest to god she looks like someone else entirely. She doesn’t look like the girl he fell in love with. But then again, he did this to her. Maybe, just maybe, all of this could have been prevented. But it was too late.

It had been a few months since he last saw her. After being spotted in the cafe, it’s like she vanished from the tabloids completely all over again. Shawn would never admit that late at night he’d sit atop his bed and scroll through Twitter, almost praying he’d find a photo of her, some reassurance that she was okay because he would always spew a blatant lie when he was asked how he was dealing with the breakup. He wanted to know that she was happy again, that she was content. Shawn missed the way her eyes lit up when she talked about something as simple as flowers, or the way the sun almost seemed to touch the ocean as it peaks up from down below. This ritual continues to happen for the next few days, that is until new pictures start to float around the internet, photos he can’t ignore. There she is, looking more beautiful than the day Shawn met her. Her eyes are wide and glowing, brighter than before. Except this time, she’s not alone. They don’t shimmer that way because of Shawn anymore, they twinkle because another man that wasn’t him.

She’s with a man that looks vaguely familiar to him. The guy was either an actor or musician but he didn’t have to look hard to bring a name to the face. Daniel Sharman, actor on the TV show, Teen Wolf. Even though Shawn is straight, he can’t deny that the guy is a handsome man, built and toned with light brown hair and a mix of both blue and green eyes. His jaw-line could literally cut a diamond and for some reason, the longer Shawn looks at the photos, the more angry he becomes. He hates the way Daniel’s eyes linger on (Y/n) as he wraps his hands around her waist, lovingly. How the young man peppers her shoulders with faint kisses and laughs when she giggles. They looked more happy and content than her and Shawn ever’d been. He hated how affectionate they were with one another, made his stomach turn with jealous disgust. Clicking on one of the videos from the twitter handle, he scoffed as Daniel twirled (Y/n) around to The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra. The comment section was over-flowing.

“THEY LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER!”

“SHIP OF THE CENTURY!!”

“i honestly can’t wait to see them get married. like, i want a man who can look at me the way Daniel looks at (Y/n). #totallyjealous”

“mom and dad? mOm aNd dAd? MOM AND DAD!! THAT’S MY MOM AND DAD!”

(Y/n) can still remember the night she first met Daniel. Forced to attend a party she was sure nobody wanted to be at, she’d finally had the chance to slip away from the crowded scene in hopes to have another smoke. As she brought the deplorable stick up to her lips, sucking in slightly, a voice from behind called out to her. “Ya know, smoking that much will shorten your life-span. It’s killing those pretty lungs of yours.” Glancing over her shoulder to find the source of the voice, she hadn’t recognized the gorgeous man in front of her despite a faint familiarity. “And who are you? My father?” She says, sarcastically. “I ain’t got much of a life anymore, doll. Might as well pick up the pace.” Though her voice was joking, there was a hint of truth to which Daniel could clearly see, making his heart hurt for the young woman. “What makes you think you ain’t got a life?” He asks, genuinely curious to learn more of the famous, (Y/n) (Y/L/N).

“I suppose I’m jumping back into old habits after my breakup.” Daniel knew about that, couldn’t run from it even if he tried. But apart of him was happy to have at least some slim of a chance to talk to her, let alone date the woman of his dreams. He’d always admired from afar and thought he’d never have a chance, not until now. In that moment, Daniel takes a risks and hold her hands in his, taking the cigarette out and away from her frail fingertips and puts it out before saying, “Times like these make me think that once you reach the bottom, you can’t go any further down. Sometimes you gotta fall to get back up.” And for the first time in months, (Y/n) feels like she can actually breathe again. It’s like the anvil leaves her chest and she can feel, see hope behind those beautiful bluish, green eyes. From that moment on, they were absolutely smitten.

Of course Shawn wanted (Y/n) to be happy, to not have hurt her the way he had but he couldn’t help but feel hurt upon seeing the photos of the woman he once loved, maybe still loves. There are more videos of them and he can’t not watch them, gritting his teeth while he does so. Daniel runs after (Y/n) before lifting her up into the sky, her giggle echoing across the field before he set her down, both their cheeks red and rosy. Shawn hates the way he kisses her, the way he holds her close to his chest. But he can’t stop watching. There’s another video. She’s on his back, smiling as their friend is about to capture a photo of them. (Y/n) whispers something faint and he can’t quite make out the words until he glances at the caption. “She said ‘I love you’ to him.” Daniel’s jaw drops before he turns over his shoulder to look up at her with loving eyes. Quickly, he drops her before kissing her passionately.

“OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE I’M DYING!!”

“actual couple goals”

“i want a girl like (Y/n), god damn”

“LOOK AT MY PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLLS!”

Shawn tosses his phone to the side, rolling his eyes at the nothing but positive tweets. They were once the it couple. How could things have changed so quickly? Except they really hadn’t. It had been nearly a year after he dumped her. But he supposed seeing her single meant they could still reconnect. But at the end of the day, he’d done this to her. Shawn dumped her and she got back from the bottom and found a man who loved her more than life itself.

(I hope you guys liked it! PLEASE. FUCKING. COMMENT)

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the-poutine-routine · 6 years

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Hi! In your opinion what is the difference on tecnical side between tessa/scott and davis/white? I know that before the comeback they were equal in terms of victories. Their styles are pretty opposite and this is clear, but since i'm new fan of this sport i'd like to know more tecnical aspects about this rivalry. Also which is the strongest rivals between d/w and p/c? (sorry for the poor grammar, english isn't my first l

Hi anon!

First of all, I am sooooooo sorry for taking so long to get back to you on this, I don’t really have an excuse other than laziness, and for that I cannot apologize enough. Secondly, your grammar is so much better than mine is most of the rime, so there is absolutely no need to be apologizing! Finally, you ask an excellent question, so I guess we should get into it! (as always, I am no expert, so this is all based on my own observations etc. and could be, and most likely am, very wrong about everything)…

So I guess the difference between Tessa and Scott and Meryl and Charlie at least really comes down to the country they started out in. Because they trained with the same coaches for so long (and up until both of their retirements / pseudo-retirements), the actual differences in the technical aspects style of their programs are pretty subtle. However, there are actually some pretty big differences in the skating styles of skaters who learned basic skills in Canada and those who did so in America (this is easier to see in disciplines like synchro and ice dance where the majority of he programs aren’t made up of jumps and spins).

I apologize in advance for any of this being super confusing, because it’s a little hard to explain but I will definitely try my best. The main thing that it comes down to for the difference between these two styles is knee bend. So the Canadian style tends to have a somewhat softer up-and-down knee bend. Between each new step (strokes, different portions of crossovers, etc.), skaters will straighten their knees ever so slightly which creates this rising and falling motion (think breathing but through your knees… I don’t know… that probably doesn’t make sense…). The American style, meanwhile, tends to be a lot more uniform in motion, staying down in the knees rather than lilting up and down. In addition, the American style often tends to include large, sharp movements of the extremities, while the Canadian style often focuses on a strong core and being able to move the limbs outward from that base. (This last difference can be seen particularly well in the juxtaposition between dw and vm, particularly post-comeback vm.) Neither one of these styles is necessarily better than the other, they’re just different ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Building off of this, a really interesting comparison would be between Sochi era Tessa and Scott, Sochi era Meryl and Charlie, and post-comeback Tessa and Scott. So my main thing about this comparison, would I guess go under skating skills if we’re looking at the component score; and this “thing”, as I guess I’m calling it, is the neatness of the feet. Foot placement is a HUGE thing in ice dance (or at least used to be), especially when you’re coming up through the ranks and testing your compulsory dances. For example, there are very specific places on one boot, where the other skate is supposed to be placed when doing certain steps like mohawks or choctaws. Furthermore, the feet are generally a lot tighter or closer together when performing steps in ice dance than in other disciplines. Between Sochi era Meryl and Charlie, and post-comeback Tessa and Scott, neatness of feet is one area of skating in which I personally saw a huge difference. While dw, have a tendency to wide-step (feet not super close together), vm have insanely neat feet, with each step they do placed extremely deliberately.

Another major difference between the two, comes down to lifts. Meryl is tiny. Tessa is small of course, but Meryl is really something else. As a result of this, Meryl and Charlie tend to have a lot more acrobatic lifts; lifts that you might see in pairs if only Charlie would straighten his arms, where Meryl is in some sort of difficult position that exhibits her flexibility and Charlie is supporting her fully. Whereas Tessa and Scott tend to have lifts that require just as much strength from Tessa as they do from Scott.

When it comes to edge quality and actual skating skills, however, I think dw and vm are very well matched, which I think is part of the reason why dw were able to remain vm’s top competition for so many years.

As you may have guessed, my opinion is that dw were a lot stronger competition for vm than pc were. Now, I’m going to be totally honest here, I don’t think pc suck. I actually do think they’re a very good ice dance team, despite wrongly being constantly scored at the same level technically as vm. My main issue when it comes to them, however, is consistency. Although it’s not like they screw up elements majorly from competition to competition, throughout each of their programs they often have a couple extensions where their (well… Gabi) knees aren’t totally straight, or an edge that isn’t quite as deep as it could be. It’s almost like these basic skills aren’t as engrained into their brains as they could be, and thus if they come to a difficult part of the program, they maybe let their basic skills lapse a little bit. From other parts of their programs, however, it is clear that they are capable of hitting these edges or extensions, yet at this point in their career, it doesn’t seem to me that they are leaving it all out on the ice (even if their scores show differently) as Tessa and Scott and Meryl and Charlie were at the end of their careers. ( I don’t know if this is intentional laziness or just because they need a bit more time to practice their skills… but I’m not really going to dwell on that)

So to answer your questions in a much more concise way, anon… There isn’t a huge technical difference between Tessa and Scott and Meryl and Charlie. Both have excellent skills, however, I definitely do think that post-comeback Tessa and Scott would have without a doubt out-skated Meryl and Charlie simply due to the exactness(…?) and smoothness of their skating. That being said, you are right in that the main difference I see between the two teams is stylistic, rather than on technicalities (huge props to you for noticing that, by the way, you say you’re a new fan, but wow… good eyes). If it wasn’t clear already, I definitely think that Meryl and Charlie were not only stronger, but also more longstanding, rivals to Tessa and Scott than Gabi and Guillaume were (but also, I’m American and may or may not be a former dw stan so I’m sort of biased…).

Thank you so much for your excellent questions anon! I apologize for writing an extremely boring and incredibly long and nonsensical response… yikes… ok time to shut up. Have a lovely day :)

#anon #ask #Tessa and Scott #rants and stuff #meryl and charlie #gabi and guillaume #comparisons #technical skating crap #figure skating #Anonymous #probably should have put a break somewhere... oh well #sorry for wasting space on your dash!

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sanabakkoushisanangel · 7 years

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Heeey. Sorry if I disturb you by something or anything but could you maybe list some good shows? (It's not a must that LGBT couples are included) thanks a lot ❤️❤️💫

Hi, Anon!

You’re not disturbing!

So I’m the type of person that watches a pretty random variety of shows so I’m not sure what your taste leans toward exactly.

If you have any suggestions, make a comment or drop me a message with the show and why you like it! And if you want, make a suggestion on how to make this list better!

** Is for shows other people suggest to me. I’ll comment if I’ve heard of it or seen any of it.

*I’ll try to put if it’s LGBT friendly. And also I want to put down if it’s diverse or not and a note if you suggest a show is diverse…I’m looking for either the main character that is a POC or more than 1-2 minor characters that show up often enough to make a difference to the plot. Don’t tell me a show is diverse if it’s 3 black characters are just window-dressing…👀

***UPDATE*** (8/11/2019)*** SO I'm finally getting around to updating this list. As always let me know if y'all have any suggestions! This thing is getting insanely long! I might try to make it a link on my page (which is in serious need of renovation lol). Oh Lord, I still have so many shows I didn't add. I might have a problem...

Enjoy!!

Derry Girls: Man I hope you all get to see my recommendation for this show!!! It's truly a gem! I can't say it's diverse but it's also based off a small town in Northern Ireland so not really faulting them. Very LGBT friendly!! Spot the tiny rainbow pins our main 5 wear in the entirety of the second season!! It's like the cutest, most wholesome unspoken way of showing support! I literally watched the second season, went back to rewatch the first season and then rewatched the second season again. They're so loveable!

Four Weddings and a Funeral: I surprisingly haven't watched the 1994 film that was one of the best movies of the 90s apparently. But Mindi Kaling is producing its remake that's now a TV show on Hulu. Features a much more diverse cast (TWO main characts being Black, the main love interest being Muslim, actually portraying Muslim character seamlessly without making it campy or oversimplified!). There's a lack of LGBT characters (Tony 1 and Tony 2 don't really count since that feels slightly degrading to me...). I'm hoping they'll get better at that in future episodes!

Dark: A German TV show that's like a mystery time travel thriller. Not really diverse? It does feature a deaf supporting character and some minor supporting characters are LGBT but other than that...It IS a good story that's really interesting and gripping to watch.

3%: A sci-fi post-apocalyptic story based in Brazil that's Hunger Games ish in that young people fight for their right to live in the ideal land of plenty. But because it's a show, you get to explore the ethical aspect of it a little more. I have a beef with how this show treats its PoC character to be honest. But it does have a lot of PoC characters and there's I think an LGBT plotline in a later season. But, I feel like the first season may have been its peak. Definitely still a good show and y'all might enjoy the later seasons more than me.

Patriot Act: Not really a story obviously but I have to plug this show because for once I'm seeing a nonproblematic Indian Muslim man (side-eyeing Kumal and Aziz) that's actually doing great episodes highlighting a lot of important issues that we're totally not getting informed about that we should really be paying attention to more.

Kim's Convenience: A Canadian sitcom based on a Korean family's convenience story. Really cute wholesome show with a great cast that really tries to be diverse and thoughtful and respectful of its PoC. I don't think they have an LGBT main character but it's friendly to it!

-Shadowhunters: I love this trash show. It’s actually not all that great but it’s got some absolute gems of characters you end up watching it for anyway. I def recommend but S1 was watched with a ton of skip Clary/Jace scenes for me. This is LGBT friendly and diverse.

-Eastsiders: One of my Netflix finds. So super LGBTQ friendly because it revolves around a gay couple. The revolving door of characters includes many people at different spectrums of sexuality. It’s unapologetic and fun to watch. Our main couple is self-labeled slutty mcsluttersons but they’re committed to each other. The diversity of race is meh but it does have the Constance Wu from Fresh off the Boat in it and she’s lovely.

-Riverdale: I tried man, I used to read Archie comics when I was younger but um, this show…I think it’s supposed to be ironically pretentious? It just falls flat for me tbh. It’s popular though so you can check a couple of episodes out to see if it’s your thing. There’s an openly gay character in this that should get more story than he does. Also, kind of LGBT baits too at times so not sure if I trust them completely.

-Narcos: One of my recent shows. Very very intense show. Just really well done. It’s male-centric in that most of its main characters are male and its portrayal of women isn’t varied or flattering or significant in any way so that definitely sucks. But I don’t watch all my shows through that lens. For a show about Pablo Escobar and the drug wars it’s a really gripping watch. Beware of heavy subtitles because it’s set in Columbia.

-The Expanse: My sci-fi pick. I love this show. It’s a gorgeous, diverse, rich story, funny without trying too hard. I just get sucked into every character. It had one older married gay couple that was really minor characters but I don’t recall any current mains that are. But It’s an inclusive show so I don’t think it’s particularly averse to the idea. Based on books I haven’t read yet!

-Veep: This is like a completely meant-to-be-offensive comedy show with the amazing Julia Louis-Dreyfus. While I wasn’t in love with the last 2 seasons, the first 4 are amazing. No clear-cut character you root for in particular but it’s so close to politics you can’t help but laugh/cry. Watch it for the absolutely unapologetic legendary burns. Also, has a lesbian couple in it although it’s offensive comedy so prepare for that.

-Archer: Also another meant-to-be-offensive show that’s hilarious but so terrible and inappropriate. I don’t usually like that kind of comedy but I binge-watched this when I was sick and got hooked.

-Vikings: I love this show. If you like Game of Thrones, you’ll like this one only it’s got less nudity and more idgaf fight scenes. It’s got brilliant characters, beautiful battle scenes, really interesting storylines, and just good snarky humor. Watch it! Also, they’re not shy about same-sex couples even if they don’t explicitly say it.

-Mr. Robot: Really good show, very different and…I actually don’t know how to describe it? The main has mental health issues. It’s a sociopolitical commentary type show. It’s about hacking and network security and corporation conglomerates in control of our everything and the fight against it. Also from @cherryrebel : Mr robot has a shit ton of diversity in both race and LGBT, the lead is mixed race but the actor is Egyptian, Tyrell is bisexual, Gideon is gay, Angela, Elliot, and Darlene are implied being lgbt+, I think I’m forgetting about someone but watch that show, it’s the shit

-Legion: A superhero show that’s so incredibly NOT like the other superhero shows. You'll find yourself in a serious mind trip thinking you’re the one that’s crazy. But it’s really really good. Go watch.

-Mozart in the Jungle: About a bunch of musicians and a crazy conductor you absolutely love. It’s really good. LGBT friendly! And diverse-ish.

-Luther: One of the best crime shows in my opinion. Idris Elba just does things and you will want to watch him do it. Anything he does is beautiful and brilliant. But the show actually IS brilliant and amazing and go watch!!

-This is Us: one of those, where-the-hell-did-you-come-from?? shows. Really heartfelt stories that make you laugh, cry, and go aww a million times.

-Killjoys: Another sci-fi show I love. It’s got diversity and great characters and great action and story. It's a complicated plot though and if you skip episodes you're really going to struggle with the story. But if you don't care, it's still fun to watch ladies being brilliant and kicking ass. Also LGBT friendly and diverse!!

-True Detective: Crime detective show. It’s great, very gritty and serious but good stories and character-driven. I actually really enjoyed the third season despite my reservations of this show. Definitely needed subtitles! Also, I got major unspoken LGBT vibes from the characters (3rd season) here but I feel like they didn't go the distance with it.

-Humans: Sci-fi show about android robots that are part of normal life- they look human and are basically live in maids. Only five of these have consciousness. Really good UK show. Diverse AND LGBT friendly!

-Broadchurch: Another good UK crime show. David Tennant and Olivia Colman are brilliant and bicker in the most endearing way! And Jodie Whitaker is so amazing! Slow and gripping and bingeworthy. @iamacolor mentioned a lesbian character in this one too. Wouldn't say it's LGBT friendly but there is diversity in the characters.

-The Americans: Russian sleeper spies in America that lead normal lives, have American children, and are like totally Russians carrying out secret missions. It's fantastical and exaggerated and sometimes I side-eye it like really?? But it's a fun casual watch. Not really diverse or LGBT friendly even if there might be some peppering in there.

-The Get Down: Great show that was recently canceled :( has about 1 season out. I’m not sure how to describe it and do proper justice. It’s lovely though with amazing characters. Also, LGBT friendly and clearly diverse!

-Stranger Things: Great show sci-fi mystery thriller type show. Diverse cast, wholesome even with a dark and violent plot. LGBT friendly but it's got a list of problems in my opinion. But still a fun watch.

-Dear White People: Black college students from all kinds of backgrounds dropping truth bombs all around and being amazing. Go watch. It's definitely a smart show with a lot of humor. It’s balanced with amazing depth to its characters. LGBT friendly! *so while it's definitely diverse in that the entire main cast except one is Black- I do find it weird that in an ivy league college there aren't many Asian students? Like it seems like they tried to fix that in the third season but it could definitely stand to do more in terms of its recurring supporting characters*

-Brooklyn Nine-Nine: an Amazing funny cop show that manages to be winsome, hilarious, endearing, quirky, diverse, balanced, and just amazing all around. Very LGBT friendly and diverse! It's a consistent show.

-Fresh Off the Boat: An Asian family comedy show that’s endearing and hilarious. (Also check out Jane the Virgin for crazy telenovela-esque antics that are hilarious and cute).

-Orphan Black: Sci-fi show about clones. A really amazing show, LGBT friendly. Great story AMAZING characters…most of which is played by one woman. Diverse and LGBT friendly.

-Preacher: Great show based on the graphic novel…uhh not sure how to describe it but it’s good. Reth Negga is in it!!

Also adding Sense8 for its LGBT and diversity. Good show but I’ve heard something about the directors/producers being racist? Not sure so I’m recommending with caution because the show itself esp s2 where the nonwhite characters got a better fleshed out plot is good. But since I don’t know what the producers/directors have done, I’m giving a heads up for someone else to fill me in.

Poldark: I just started this one 2 days ago. 2 episodes in I’m really enjoying it. It’s from PBS’s Masterpiece series. Aiden Turner as a Cornishman is delicious. So far I adore his wife and immensely enjoying yet another period show.

Grantchester: Adding this to the list after I discovered it on my prime account. I’m only one season in and I love Sydney Chambers and his gruff buddy cop Geordie? This isn’t a show that is going to have you sitting on the edge of your seat. It’s totally a procedural type of show. But it’s characters are likable, its story feels comfortable, and honestly, if it’s a shitty day for you and you just want something that’s easy? This is it. @iamacolor :)

Entourage: So I binged 8 seasons and a movie in a week so let’s just say I fell into this gaping manhole…So it has one very prominently gay character on this show that gets a fair amount of screentime and a plot considering he’s a side character. He’s a fairly loveable character you really enjoy watching develop and grow. However, I should warn people that this show has really colorful language that is quite frankly really sexist and homophobic. For those of you that don’t know, it’s essentially a show about a popular actor from Queens that makes it big in Hollywood and brings along his 2 best friends and older brother to live with him and share in his wealth. If you can get past the language and inherent sexism, it’s actually a decent show about 4 guys with an extremely tight unbreakable, ride or die friendship. Lots of cameos by famous actors and directors, etc. I admit I might have a thing for Kevin Connolly and Adrian Grenier…

Jane the Virgin: Okay firstly, I LOVE this show. I wasn’t caught up because I had too much on my plate but like this show is so tongue in cheek and has great Latino rep! Including a character that speaks like 98% in Spanish so it’s great. AND they have LGBT rep so there you go. Enjoy and thank me later!

Superstore: Almost disappointed no one reminded me to recommend this show?? It’s basically centered around a store much like Walmart where you have a colorful cast of employees. It’s funny, it’s cute, it’s very socially aware. A disabled character (of color!), a gay character, and a smattering of all sorts. PLUS America Ferrera whom I adore!

The Good Place: Great show, great diversity, really funny. I binged it aaaallllll. Seriously go watch this show!!

Cable Girls: Netflix Original from Spain. Do yourself a favor, watch it in Spanish with subtitles. The dubs feel so off. So the music choices for this show are the biggest con. Like it’s modern English songs in a show set in the 20s. Whoever chooses the music really doesn’t read the tone of the scene because it always throws me off. BUT, it’s a show about women gaining their independence through working as operators. You don’t have a diverse cast (so another con) but it’s LGBT friendly. There’s an exploration of sexuality minus the harmful abuse of it. It’s got its own set of flaws for sure but there’s a lot of potentials for it to be a good watch.

Atypical: Autistic boy on the cusp of adulthood that’s navigating how to grow into it and live as normally as possible despite his limitations. Diverse characters, funny stories, and most importantly, endearing af. I think it handles the touchy topic wonderfully and allows people in this show to both be good people and also make mistakes both big and small. What I really enjoyed about this show is that it feels unafraid to let it’s characters just be. It doesn’t fall into tropes and it just has really well-written characters. Can’t wait for Season 3. Also, def don’t want to spoil but LGBT friendly.

Lovesick: If nothing else, watch this show for Antonia Thomas. I’m lowkey in love with her so I will watch anything she’s in. But it’s one of those shows that might not be for everyone. It’s about three great friends where two have been in love with each other at different parts of their lives and keep missing each other’s feelings. It plays via flashbacks quite a bit so your story isn’t quite linear but it doesn’t make it difficult to watch. I personally loved it but I’m biased because well Antonia Thomas…

Santa Clara Diet: So I confess I dropped this show mid first episode when I first watched it. Its pilot was so strange and bonkers I was just so incredibly confused. I think the projectile vomiting just turned me off. But boredom is a great motivator and I came back to it later. And man, I am so so so glad I did. It’s just such a lovely show. I love every character to bits. LGBT friendly for sure. It’s so incredibly far-fetched so you just go with it and enjoy the ride.

On my Block: Four friends transitionally into high school and navigating changing dynamics in their lifelong relationships while also dealing with real life, high school, gangs, and growing up. It’s a good watch. Really hoping for a second season.

Sisters: Aussie show about a woman caring for her ailing elderly father who finds out he used his own sperm in his fertility clinic in order to help parents struggling. Now she has new half-siblings all over the country and gets to navigate dealing with that shitshow. This is a good show. Flawed people being selfish, good people getting the short end of the stick, people being real, things getting ugly. It gets interesting and awkward but it’s a good watch. LGBT friendly.

Homecoming: Really gripping show about soldiers that return stateside wanting to return to society, join a program to help them do so, turns out things aren’t as they seem. Check it out on Amazon Prime. Diverse…umm one of the main supporting characters is black?

Bodyguard: Richard Madden from GoT plays a completely different role in this show about a bodyguard that finds himself part of a bigger conspiracy plot that forces him to face his own demons. Overall the story is good. Intense, gripping, intriguing in all the right places. But the ending has you rolling your eyes at how cliche they made it out to be. My biggest gripe being romanticizing characters that really don’t deserve it without highlighting their problematic behavior. It sweeps a lot of questions under the rug and concludes what would have been a highly conflicting plot with some really shoddy tropey shortcuts. Still it’s definitely a bingeworthy show. Diversity is for shit though all things considered.

Recommendations by Other Blogs:

-**Shameless: Based on the UK show I believe. Has an openly gay character in a really complicated loveline that’s one of the major draws of this show. Very good show but definitely not for everyone. Expect LOTS of cursing, nudity, etc. But it’s hilarious, weirdly heartwarming, really fun to watch. Adding based on an anon suggestion- I haven’t watched the seasons in full but I love popping in to catch up. LGBT friendly and also somewhat diverse.

-**Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: I have not watched this show myself but @blueberrysenpaii suggested this and said: Should add CEG. There’s a veeeery proud bi guy! So LGBT friendly! Someone tell me if it’s diverse?

-**Stitchers: Another show I haven’t watched but it’s been recommended a few times so it’s probably worth a watch. LGBT friendly! Someone tell me if it’s diverse? From Anon: There is a lesbian couple (Camanda) and they’re happy and healthy. It’s a great interesting storyline, it’s funny, super loveable characters, there’s some mystery and suspense in every episode, I love it so much, and it’s so underrated

**Black Sails: Have not watched this show either. LGBT friendly and diverse cast! But here’s @foolbrite ’s recommendation: black sails!! its an AMAZING story plus there is such good lgbt rep in that show

**One Day At a Time: So I have watched a couple episodes of this. It’s so cute! Diverse and LGBT friendly! But here’s the recommendation from @jcarizma : One Day At a Time is really good. Has an LGBT main character and most of the characters are Hispanic as well and the show actually talks about topics that are importantes and it still manages to be hilarious. It’s on Netflix. and also @onyourleftbooob : one day at a time is INCREDIBLE and i loved how they dealt with their lgbt character

**Black Mirror: San Junipero: Again never watched this show but I have seen gifs of this episode?story arc? Diverse and LGBT friendly! Anywho another rec from @onyourleftbooob : black mirror’s san junipero is great *Update: I did watch this myself so I can definitely say it was really nice!*

**How to Get Away With Murder: I actually was a little reluctant to recommend this show. Mainly because *spoiler* one of my favorite main characters got killed off in a way and point in the story where it was pure shock value and I’m forever upset. *end spoiler* I personally dropped the show at that point. However, it was great until that point and it does have an great LGBT rep and just as important a very diverse cast! Also recommended by @onyourleftbooob

**The Bold Type: I have not yet seen this show personally but I have seen lots of mentions of it on my dash and it seems like it’s really good. Good diverse and LGBT friendly show! @im-the-trashqueen-of-my-fandoms recommends this: One of the 3 leads is black and discovers that she’s not really straight when she starts developing feelings for a lesbian Muslim photographer :)

So I think I got most of the ones I really enjoy. Not including like Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones because those are hugely popular. I hope you enjoy! If I think of more, I’ll add them here.

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sjworldtour · 4 years

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31/01/20 Whizzing and bouncing in Whistler Blackcomb

We've skied for 9 days in Whistler, including some of the best skiing days of both our lives. Here are some of the highlights...

In the hostel

Played pool pretty much every day, Joey is rubbish at it except for one match when for some reason she was amazing. Sam is consistently good and best after two beers but loves potting the white for some reason.

There's a sauna! great after skiing and it's not too hot so Joey can lie on the low bench without roasting too much.

Nice kitchen with resident chatty guy who seems to be there all the time. Made some good meals and always followed them up with fresh hot cookies from the ridiculously large tub of cookie dough we have been steadily working through.

Joey may suck at pool but definitely has the edge at boggle.

Met a new strategy game - Terraforming Mars - which took us well over an hour to have any clue what was going on but turned out to be a really good game. Second time we played it went a lot more smoothly, Sam won 1 Joey won 1.

Early in our stay there was another English guy who was a guru on everything ski related. He delighted in telling people he skis double black diamond runs and says this in practically every sentence. He also said he's really good at boarding but just can't go on his heel edge. Once he's got that sorted he'll have it nailed though.

One evening there was an incredibly argumentative man in the hostel. For the first few hours he was sat in the kitchen denouncing climate change and Joey tried really hard not to get involved but failed. Very hard to argue with someone who is stating that complete rubbish is scientific proof, and then questioning the sources of any actual science he is presented with. Throughout the evening we were pleased not to be too close to him, he obviously just loves a debate and kept slipping sentences into conversation like "Ï hate all young people and what they do and what they wear", and “I hate [something] as much as I hate liberals”.

On the slopes

Each day we have driven down the road and parked at Creekside to catch a gondola up the mountain. Nice long gondola followed by long, slow and usually cold chair called Big Red, but usually some nice snow under it to warm us up for the day. From there we have skied on the Whistler mountain and got the Peak 2 Peak gondola across to Blackcomb mountain. Both great areas.

Both areas have amazing alpine bowls to find powder in, usually with slightly terrifying entrances to the bowls. On the top of Blackcomb Glacier chair is "Spanky's Ladder", a short hike carrying skis up to a dramatic ridgeline with various bowls dropping off the other side. The first time we did this the visibility wasn't great and we accidentally ended up following a guided group for the first half - not fantastic etiquette but good for getting us down without falling down any cliffs. Joey had a panic when the guide was describing the entry to the bowl to his group. All you have to do is sideslip down the steep rocky bit, then point straight down avoiding the sharp rocks on the right, and hope the traverse will slow you down eventually. It's terrifying but worth it, the skiing below that point was amazing and we managed to overtake the group and make our own way from there.

Another time we went up Spanky's Ladder and skied along the ridge - luckily visibility was great that day (see the video). A completely beautiful start to a run, followed by one of the best bowls ever.

On the Whistler side, we found great powdery skiing both up the Peak Chairlift, and in the Harmony and Symphony chair area. One of the best days ever we timed Harmony really well, joining the queue just a few minutes before it opened, then skied down Sun Bowl and took a gamble heading towards Symphony lift which was not yet open. If it hadn't opened we'd have been looking at an hour or so to hike back out to Harmony. Thankfully we timed it perfectly and only 3 people went up the mountain before us. We had two runs in perfectly delicious fresh powder before anyone else really got there, hurray.

A lot of the powdery bowls start with popping down the side of a cornice. This is terrifying because of both the association with avalanches and the enormous vertical drop. In reality the area is hugely closely managed, with more avalanche blasting than we've ever heard before, and these entry points are so well skied that they're solid. But the vertical drop thing is real, and Joey ended up on her bum a number of times before (sort of) getting the hang of it.

We did some fun tree skiing, in the glissando glades towards the bottom of Symphony, and in various other places following mountain biking trails. Neither of us are great at it when the snow is scraped out, but we're getting better.

We've had a couple of not great days on the mountain. One day early on was warm and raining, and we waited half an hour for the gondola to open so were soaked before we even got started. Could have handled the rain except that the warm weather turned the lovely fresh snowfall into gluey cement that was impossible to ski nicely. We struggled down an unpleasant ungroomed run, getting serious leg burn trying to turn in the deep heavy sludge. The only other technique was demonstrated by a group of lads who just bombed it in a straight line down the hill, limbs flying everywhere in a blitz of chaos. They regrouped at the bottom and one of them asked if any of the 7 or 8 of them had made it without falling over. They had not. But they got past it a lot quicker than we did.

Another early finish day was Saturday, when the mountain was super busy as all the Vancouver residents come to town, and none of the alpine skiing was open so we were all confined to a handful of lifts. We queued for ages a few times, then gave up safe in the knowledge we'd have the hill to ourselves again come Monday.

We've got much better in the freestyle park, Sam progressing to 180 jumps and nailing it. We've both gone over a weird banana box type thing, and also a rainbow box. Joey's first attempt at that was so comically slow as to get an applause from the chairlift above, but she did it a bit more smoothly after that.

One day when the weather wasn't inspiring we took advantage of the free avalanche awareness session offered over at blackcomb. This was very informative for Joey and a good refresher for sam and we started getting super excited about our Wapta adventure. Also we got to hide in the avalanche hut for an hour while it was blowing a gale outside.

Out and about

Sunday was Joey's mum's birthday and Australia day, both perfect excuses to go out and celebrate. In the afternoon we went down to Function Junction to try flights of beers at two local breweries. The first place had a fluffy dog outside, tasty beer, and mountainy art on the walls, very pleasant. The second place wins the contest though as it had Yahtzee and, wait for it, TABLE ICE HOCKEY. This is literally the best and most Canadian thing we have ever seen, and even better it was free. We played for ages, it's so much more fun than table football. We went home to a creepily empty hostel and had a few more beers playing pool and heads up. Then caught the bus up to Whistler Village (our first time actually in the village itself) and had a drink surrounded by noisy Aussies. At 7pm there was a "fire and ice” show, with skiers and snowboarders doing impressive jumps through a hoop of fire on the piste just above the town plaza. Pretty awesome. There were also fire twirler people but Sam said we could do better than that after watching people learning it on the volleyball court at Noosa. Followed the show with live music, beer/cider and way too many nachos at an irish pub. Way too many nachos. Had to go home because of death by nachos.

On Thursday we went back to Function Junction, one of the breweries had an event on with a DJ and a giveaway of a fridge full of beers. The DJ was fine but they wouldn't let us enter the competition as we're not locals (pah). Tasty beer and a super cute puppy though so yay. Then went back to play more table ice hockey in the other brewery. Went home and ate yummy pizza from a takeaway in Creekside. Sam witnessed a car sliding into a roadside barrier in the fresh snow while collecting pizza. Luckily our car, Sam, and the pizza were not involved.

Our car is great, with heated seats and heated steering wheel making it "warm and toasty for a Saaaaaaaam”.

Everyone else here seems to have a snowmobile on the back of a truck.

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haughtbreaker · 7 years

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Drove All Night

So I was inspired to write this after watching the Voice in which Celine Dion was coaching some singers to perform her version of Drove All Night that's been redone like a thousand times.

Waverly and Nicole are in a long distance relationship, but Nicole feels like surprising Waverly. If the title didn't tell you exactly what happened... the below gif has nothing to do with the fic, I just think I’ll use it as often as possible

"Wynonna…." Waverly whined in frustration. "I have to go." Looking at her wristwatch, she could feel each second that bled away with her sister's asinine…

"But… you're the only one that pours my shots the way I like them." Wynonna gave her a pleading look until she received the snap of a towel to the back of her head. "Hey!"

"Leave your sister alone, Wynonna." Gus slipped behind the bar, grabbing a few empty pint glasses. "She's got a date."

"It's not a date." Waverly protested, unable to hide her smile as she untied her apron. "It's just a call."

"A pre-scheduled call that happens every Friday." Gus pointed out as she filled a glass with beer.

"God bless modern technology and skype." Wynonna laughed, snagging one of the beers from Gus's tray. "Much more convenient for phone sex."

"Oh my god!" Waverly shook her head. "I'm leaving." As she slipped out the bar, she could still hear her sister's laugh over the sound of country music. Jogging across the street to the parking lot, she hopped into her jeep and pointed it towards home.

She hadn't planned on getting involved with someone while on vacation. She'd just finished her online degree and had been looking to explore some of the sights she'd only ever seen on TV, even if Chicago was the farthest she could afford to go.

She'd found her way to Millennium Park where she'd heard there would be yoga at dawn. She hadn't expected the crowd, the lines of people rolling out mats. She'd ended up on the outside of the field, but she still found it easy to follow along, having caught herself mesmerized, more than once, by the large group moving together. Still, she felt amazing by the time the class was over.

She would have continued to feel amazing if not for being stumbled over while she was rolling up her mat. The air was knocked out of her momentarily as another form crashed to the ground beside her. "Owwww." She groaned as she sat up, her side throbbing.

"Shit! Oh my god. I'm so sorry."

Waverly looked up to watch a tall redhead push herself up off the ground easily, strong arms flexing as if she did a hundred push-ups daily. Suddenly a hand was held out towards her and she took hold, standing with very little effort of her own. She winced slightly, knowing she was going to have at least one bruise from the impact.

"Are you ok?" The woman looked her over carefully, checking her for injury.

When caramel-colored eyes locked with her own, Waverly could feel something change in the air. It was like a physical blow against her, unexpected yet not entirely unwelcome. "Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." Waverly was surprised to feel heat rising to her cheeks, but she hoped it was hidden by her post-workout flush. "Don't worry about it. Right as rain."

The woman bent down to pick up the frisbie she'd been trying to catch, her fingers tracing the rim. She had a smile that was genuine and completely contagious. "I'm so sorry about that. I should have been watching where I was going."

"It's fine." Waverly waved the woman off. She could feel a fluttering in her chest and wrote it off, attributing it to the work-out. "I have this weird knack of getting in trouble so… I'm sure I would have eventually stumbled over someone myself." Her brows furrowed as she realized how idiotic that sounded.

To her credit, the woman chuckled. "I can't let you take the credit for that. After all, you were the one standing in one place." She paused, taking a moment to bite her bottom lip as her mind seemed to evaluate the situation. "You have to let me make it up to you. Let me buy you a coffee."

It was the last thing Waverly expected. "You don't have to do that." She laughed, her polite nature refusing by habit when something inside her was telling her to accept. She let her eyes drift down the lean form, noticing the black t-shirt that said CPD Trainee.

"I do." The woman insisted.

Waverly wrinkled her nose in thought. "I'd hate to drag you away from your friends." She indicated the few people that were waiting, hands on hips.

"Oh!" The woman easily tossed the frisbee back to the group before returning her attention to Waverly. "No dragging necessary. I'd much rather spend the time begging your forgiveness for such egregious clumsiness." She spoke with an exaggerated despair. "I'm Nicole." She offered her hand again.

Waverly accepted the handshake, unable to stop herself from noticing how strong yet delicate the fingers felt in her own. "Waverly."

"Hey Babe." Waverly fell onto her bed with a frown as she stared at the black box on her tablet screen that normally held her girlfriend's beautiful face. "What's up with your camera?"

"Sorry, Baby." Nicole's voice was slightly withdrawn, something strange in the timber of it. "I can't get on camera right now."

Waverly sighed softly. "That sucks… is it like a software problem? We can switch programs." She wanted to see that smiling face she missed so much. Long distance relationships were bad enough without technology standing in the way.

"No." Nicole's answer was short, almost deserving of suspicion.

It's not that Waverly was a jealous person… ok she was. She was completely a jealous person and living so far away only amplified that by a thousand, but she also knew Nicole had impenetrable integrity. She trusted Nicole completely. "What are you doing?" She tried to sound innocent, tried to keep the wariness from her voice, but considering Nicole's chuckle she got in response, she knew she was busted.

"Getting you a present."

That piqued Waverly's interest. "A present?" She looked at the clock. Normally Nicole was getting ready for bed at this time. "This late? What for?"

Another chuckle came her way. "Yes, and because you're amazing. Unfortunately this is the only time it's available."

"What?"

"Forget about it for now," Nicole tried to derail the conversation. "Tell me about your day."

"No no." Waverly shook her head as if Nicole could see her. "What sort of present? I think I deserve a hint if I'm being deprived of prime camera time right now. Especially since I just took a shower and I'm still wet and naked..." She tried not to laugh as she folded her pajama covered legs under her.

There was a long pause before Nicole chuckled softly. "You are not. And I'm not going to tell you. It's a surprise."

"But…"

"Waverly… I'm not going to tell you what it is." Nicole's voice held a smile in it along with hint of mischief that only drove Waverly crazy.

She didn't really like surprises, but she knew that Nicole could be just as stubborn as she was. "I miss you." Was all she could say. "I know we talk every day, and I love hearing your voice, but sometimes I forget what you sound like in person, and I don't like that." She had a ticket already bought for when Nicole graduated from the police academy, but that was still weeks away.

Nicole sighed softly. "I know, Baby. I miss you too."

Waverly wasn't even sure why she had agreed to a long term relationship. She was a physical person and the distance was killing her. All she had to cling to was the memory of soft skin and incredible lips, maybe a few whispered promises between the tears of separation. They didn't even have a plan. Everything was taken step by step. Nicole had to graduate, then get her certifications, then what? Nicole was American. She was Canadian. Was Nicole going to move to Canada? Would Waverly herself move to the states?

The thought of that made her stomach curl. She loved Purgatory and all it's quirky life. She had been born under the same roof she was currently laying under. Yes, she wanted to see the world and all it had to offer, but to permanently leave her home town? It was almost too scary to think about. "So… Wynonna got arrested this morning," she finally said, not wanting to dwell too much on their uncertain future.

"What did she do now?" Nicole's voice was part relief, part amusement.

"She punched Champ." Waverly said proudly, knowing how much Nicole hated her ex.

"Remind me to buy her a beer the next time I see her."

Waverly laughed. "You know, as a future officer of the law…"

Nicole had only met Champ once when she'd visited a few months ago, but it had been enough for her. "Yeah well, as a human being, I take personal offense to his threatening the gene pool of my species."

"God your voice is so sexy." Waverly couldn't help responding. She was rewarded with a throaty chuckle that slipped down her spine. "Nic… how am I supposed to fall asleep if you're not on my screen?"

"Are you in bed now?"

Waverly nodded before she remembered her camera wasn't on. "Yes… my cold… empty bed." With a sigh, she wiggled her way under the blankets. "If only I had my favorite American…" She propped the tablet on the pillow beside her even if the cameras weren't on. "And if Gillian Anderson wasn't available I'd even take you."

"Wow…" Nicole laughed.

"I could get me some Dana Scully." She joked, hearing Nicole's laughter double. "I might have a bit of a redhead fixation."

"Yeah you do." There was a brief pause. "Why don't you tell me what you miss most about me." Nicole's voiced dropped to a lower timbre.

A smile spread across Waverly's face as she closed her eyes, explaining in detail exactly what she missed most about her girlfriend until sleep claimed her.

Nicole sighed as she rubbed her eyes. She was beyond tired and she felt it in the quiet, especially after Waverly had fallen asleep talking to her. Looking down at her phone, she smiled as the screen lit up, having been feeling a bit like a creeper waiting for a response. Sliding out of the car, each step seemed to sound too loud, gravel crunching beneath her boots.

She got to the front door just as it opened.

"Are you kidding me?" Wynonna pulled her in for a sloppy hug, having drank way too much. "Does she even know you were coming? Of course not. She would have made a huge deal of it." Wynonna shook her head.

"You know Waverly." Nicole chuckled, shucking off her jacket and hanging it on a hook. "You look good for someone fresh out of jail."

"Pfffft." Wynonna snorted. "Like Nedley would ever keep me locked up."

Nicole pat her on the shoulder. "Well, that's great. I'm sure Champ deserved it." she looked down the hall where she knew Waverly room was. "Sorry to do this, Buddy, but… I didn't drive all this way to see you."

"Pfffft." Wynonna snorted again. "Whatever, Dude. We can talk at br….lunch. Just try to keep quiet, eh?"

Nicole smirked, making her way to the familiar bedroom after making a quick detour to the bathroom. The room was dark and it took a minute for her eyes to adjust, familiar shapes forming in the darkness as she closed the door behind her.

She couldn't help but smile as she breathed in the scent of the room that was all Waverly. Setting her phone and keys on the dresser, she moved to remove her boots. She must have been more tired than she realized because as she was fighting with a knot in her laces, she suddenly crashed to the ground loudly, the breath getting knocked out of her.

"What the shit?" Waverly sat up quickly.

Nicole recognized the very familiar sound of a shotgun cocking and threw her hands up in defense. "Waverly, stop!" she quickly called out.

There was a moment of silence before the light on the nightstand clicked on, a soft light filling the room. "Nicole?"

Unsure of what else to say, Nicole laughed. "Surprise?" Finally kicking off her boot, she pushed herself off the ground just as Waverly slipped out of bed, pulling her into a tight hug. Nicole breathed a small sigh of relief as she returned the hug.

Suddenly Waverly pushed her away, eyes narrowed. "You asshole! You scared the shit out of me!"

"I know. I'm sorry." Nicole pulled her back in, finally pressing their lips together. She melted into the gentle embrace, sliding her arms around the toned waist as an arm slipped around her neck.

Waverly groaned, breaking off the kiss and pressing her ear to Nicole's chest, listening to her heartbeat. "I can't believe you're here… How did you get here?"

Nicole could feel the heat radiating off the small form and blissfully absorbed it. "I kind of… drove."

Pulling back, Waverly looked up in confusion. "You… drove? Are you crazy? That must have…"

"Yeah." Nicole nodded. "I just got in my car and… I found myself starting to drive West." She shrugged slightly. "I drove all night…"

"Not that I don't appreciate it… cause I very much do… but why would you do that?"

Nicole's lips tilted into a slight grin as she stepped forward, edging Waverly backwards towards the bed. Leaning forward, she cupped Waverly's cheeks, kissing her again. "To get to you." Another kiss and she was pulling away as Waverly pulled her shirt up and off. "Is that alright?"

Waverly nodded, her fingers working on the belt of Nicole's jeans, having lost all interest in further conversation. She'd almost forgotten the scent of her girlfriend, subtle and sweet vanilla over a scent that was all Nicole, and she filled her lungs with it. "I missed you so much." She whispered, her fingertips sliding over the expanse of soft skin, reacquainting herself. There was a slight more definition than she remembered, less softness and increased strength, no doubt from her on-going training.

"Me too." Nicole whispered, revelling in each inch of flesh that was revealed until finally she was following Waverly onto the bed, covering the length of the shorter form. "You are even far more beautiful than I remembered." She could barely believe she was there, brushing soft kisses down the line of Waverly's neck.

"Shit…" Waverly felt every inch of Nicole pressed against her, especially the lips and tongue that found her breasts and the heat of a palm sliding down her hip. "Miss you so much."

Nicole couldn't help chuckling. "I'm right here," she whispered, moving to capture soft lips once more in a kiss. She slipped her thigh between Waverly's, finding a welcoming heat. Nicole felt more than heard the moan against her lips and she felt her own arousal pique at the sound. Every reaction, every sound, every touch, it felt like she was learning them again. Her memories were just shallow echoes easily cast away with each new sensation. Waverly's hips moving in thrusts against her thigh, nails digging into her shoulders, she loved every new memory. She relearned the sound of small gasps as their lips broke apart.

Waverly buried her face in the curve of Nicole's shoulder, whimpering softly. "Fuck." She whimpered in frustration as she felt the edge approaching way too quickly. She wanted to blame the dream she'd been having, leaving her already breathless and full of desire, but it had been so long since she felt Nicole's touch.

Nicole almost laughed at Waverly's curse, grinning as she slipped her hand down between their bodies, her grin spreading as she pressed fingertips into heated depths and her girlfriend gasped. "I love the way you sound… So fucking gorgeous."

Waverly's brow furrowed. "No fair." She whimpered, her body trembling as she tangled her fingers in red hair, tugging Nicole's head backwards to find mischievous eyes.

Nicole could have laughed, but she could tell how close Waverly was and instead crushed their lips together, muffling Waverly's moan as she was pushed over the edge, her nails biting into Nicole's shoulders. Nicole ignored the pain, instead focusing on the way Waverly's body slowly lost it's rigidity, difusing into a boneless puddle of flesh on the bed as she broke the kiss to brush her lips over flushed cheeks. "You are so beautiful." She commented with a soft chuckle. "So beautifuly… sensitive."

"Asshole!" Waverly laughed, nudging a strong shoulder. "It's been way too long since…" Her eyes fluttered shut as the fingers still inside her pushed deeper just a bit before slowly disappearing. "Hey… put that back…"

Nicole laughed again. "Demanding little thing, aren't you?"

"I wasn't done…"

"You look pretty done to me." Nicole nipped the line of her jaw teasingly. She didn't expect the surge of energy from the compact frame, but she didn't fight it either, allowing herself to be turned over and pinned down, Waverly's body covering her own completely.

"You were saying?"

As devious eyes got closer, Waverly's forehead pressing against her own, Nicole felt the smile spreading across her face. She'd missed the weight of Waverly's body lying atop her own and she wrapped her arm around the toned waist. Her own body was on fire, needing to be touched more than ever, but she had patience. She just enjoyed the moment of sharing the air between them, feeling the lightest of touches tracing the line of her jaw, fingertips sliding down her throat.

"I've missed you so much."

Nicole captured the wandering hand in her own, intertwining their fingers. "Me too."

Waverly smirked, guiding her knee between strong thighs, nudging Nicole's legs apart so she could settle her hips between them just before meeting soft lips in a deep kiss.

Nicole couldn't stop the moan that slipped from her throat. The kiss was far from gentle. It was needy and possessing, more a claiming of her than anything else, and she gasped when Waverly broke the kiss off to move down her body. She wanted to tangle her fingers in brunette hair, to guide the slow desent, but she found first one hand pinned to the bed, and then the other. She felt a soft chuckle against her breast just before soft lips wrapped around her nipple.

Nicole groaned, her hips rocking forward of their own accord, but despite Waverly's own quick unraveling, it was very aparent that her girlfriend had every intention on taking her time, even if it took all night.

By the time they were too tired to continue, intertwined forms still trembling together, it pre-dawn light was illuminating the curtains.

Nicole smiled as she pulled the comforter over their bodies, finding Waverly watching her closely. "Will you hate me if I sleep for the next 12 hours?"

Waverly shook her head, sliding closer with a soft hum. "Never. When are you returning home?"

Reaching up to lazily push long hair behind Waverly's ear, Nicole leaned forward for a quick kiss. "If you mean work, I haven't figured it out yet. The Academy is closed on Monday." She brushed the tip of her nose along the length of Waverly's. "But… if you mean home home… I think I'm already there."

Waverly couldn't help chuckling. "That was so cheesy." She could feel sleep tugging at her as she wiggled a little closer, expelling all air that dared come between their two bodies. "You're lucky you're cute."

"No I'm lucky you're cute." Nicole chuckled, pressing a kiss against Waverly's temple. She didn't tell her about the phone conversation she'd had with the town's Sheriff a week ago, or the quick meeting she'd set up with him since she was in town. There would be time later to discuss that. For now, she was just happy to have the woman she loved falling asleep in her arms, holding her a little too tight and with their heads so close it was making her light headed from the recycled air. It was perfect.

#wayhaught #wynonna earp #smut #lol sorry #celine dion song as fic #wefanfic

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beardedd0nut · 7 years

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Bearded donut and the brewery capital

Alrighty then, last I left off was just before my last day in Denver. I had a pretty cool final day spent between the natural science museum and hanging out with people at the share house. The walk out to the natural science museum included going through City park. It was a nice walk, and would've been better had it not been for the ducks, and therefore, duck shit everywhere. It's pungent and really quite foul, but I mean that's nature hey, a cycle of animals just producing shit wether you agree with it or not. The museum itself was pretty cool, but the main reason I ventured out was to see the Viking exhibit. Full of artefacts and recreations of things the Vikings would've used, the exhibit looks to sure a more realistic side to these people rather than the typical pop culture creations. The technology they had and used was way beyond some cultures of the time, and whilst I'm not an ancient Aliens kind of guy, it seems like they either learnt some seriously complicated shit in just a few hundred years or someone influenced them quite heavily. I wandered back through duck shit Park and spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with one of the dudes living at the house. We went to a local record shop where I couldn't resist but pick up a nice little treat for myself. Then I had my first taste of taco bell. It's not too bad. What wasn't so good about it was the next morning. Needless to say don't partake in taco bell before you need to be up at 5am to get a flight... Day One in Portland was great. It's a really beautiful city with greenery all over the place. Just driving into the city was awesome. Then getting into the pearl district where I stayed, the city kind of reminded me of Melbourne a little bit. Lots of coffee shops and funky restaurants, and best of all lots of brewery's. The First thing I did was head down to the Oregon historical society which has a an amazing exhibition on JFK. I suddenly understand how it was that so many people feel in love with him. His charisma and way of speaking, as well as his general likeability would triumph in any time frame. They had footage of I've debate he had with Nixon and I could've quite easily say the and watched the entire thing, if only because of how Kennedy sucked me in to something 50+years old. Dinner was at Henry's again but this one has 100 on tap, just a dangerous place to be in for a beer drinker, and again I thought I'd I just had the boys we could easily get through 15 or 20 a piece throughout a day. After dinner I hit up Mississippi Street and saw "The dustbowl revival" an awesome bluegrass/Dixieland band. Great fun and very talented, even if I had some big ears bald cockhead stand in front of me half way through the show. The band was really down to earth and even threw in a cover of super tramp just to show their musical diversity and adaptability. I'd really go to see them again if the chance arose. Once again standing around i met some lovely locals and had a really good night. Day Two consisted of a mild grogginess from the beer the night before, which included a triple IPA, but I jumped right into a brewery tour that was incredible. The host was so full of Portland's craft brewery scene and the beers were amazing, including the sours something I'd never tried before. Great company with a stag do, some poms and some women on a wine and beer getaway. Portland is the craft beer capital of America with something like 75+ craft breweries in the city. I could live here easily for the beer alone, I think there would be enough for one different beer every day for a year or more easily. Following the tour I hit up the largest independent book store I think in North America, and picked up 37 dollars worth of books that would've been an easy 100+ back home. Dinner day two was at the quality bar/sizzle pie. An awesome heavy metal/chill bar. Great fucking pizza and great service, for the record I got the pig destroyer. After dinner I went to see the rose festival parade. It wasn't too bad but as you may have seen the Canadian morons who joined made the night very difficult. The parade was nice but after an hour I was pretty sure I got the jist of it all and my buzz was well and truly wearing off so I needed to crash. I got up and went toTilt for a brunch/lunch escapade. It was a cool place with an industrial feel and large meals for cheap prices, I think their motto had to do with feeding the working class. Got a sweet Southern fried chicken burger with signature sauce and jalapeno slaw. Funnily enough I somehow found myself at a cinema, big surprise, and decided to finally see Logan. The cinema itself must've been around since the 50's and had a classic vibe with cheap as chips tickets, $4. Logan was good, not as depressing as everyone has said but still very good and had a lot to say on social and political climates. Not sure why a noir version would be necessary as most of the shots probably wouldn't lend themselves nicely to black and white but fuck it go make some money where you can Hollywood. I found out I missed out on a clay between Pro and anti Trump supporters. I was kind of disappointed I didn't get to stir any shit but then again I probably would've been arrested. The Feds were there and made a few arrests as it were. That night I chilled out at Al's Den, the bar at the hotel with live music from Will West and some other guests. The White people and what seemed to be their Mexican slaves they had with them were way too fucking loud and irritating. People need to learn to sit The fuck down and shut the fuck up when it comes to quiet venues and events. Also untuck the salmon polo shirt you bellend, we get it you play golf whoop dee god damn dee do. My final day in Portland has by far been the best one I've had. I kept hearing from locals that the reason so many people live Portland and Oregon, aside from the beer, is the nature that surrounds it. And boy did I find out how true that is. My day tour included seeing the Columbia gorge and river, Vista house, multiple falls, the hood River, mount hood and the Timberline Lodge. The untouched continuous greenery in these areas was just awesome, in the purest sense of the word. The air seems fresher, the water clearer and there's not way to be and to truly capture the beauty that I saw. Vista house was made for hundreds of thousands of dollars over budget in the early 1900's and is a marvel of the highway it sits on. Giving a great view of the beginning of the gorge and beacon rock it was a great way to start the day. The falls that we saw after ranged from about 50 feet to upwards of 200. The force of the water crashing down was something to behold, had I had a waterproof camera and change of clothes is love to have gotten closer to the falls. The mist that sprayed off of them also have the tree tops a really Middle Earth kind of feel which combined with the sunlight streaming through was just magical. The hood River was great to see, especially from a brewery for lunch. After that we began the climb up to mount hood, which even now is still covered with a layer of ice and snow. Apparently the US ski team trains there and it can be skied upon year round. At the very top, or at least really fucking close to it, lies Timberline Lodge. The name may not be familiar but the facade certainly is. The outside of the lodge is what Stanely Kubrick used for many exterior shots in the shining. Built during the 30's it's really a marvel to behold without master woodwork, metal with and masonry adorning the property. The Day learning about the history of Portland and seeing is breath taking natural beauty and wonder was the perfect end to my time here, and the fact that it was a sunny and clear 25 odd degrees just added to the magnificence of it all. I would happily return to Portland any day, and plan to do I can hike some of the trails and see even more that this city has to offer. As well as drinking more of its delectable beer. I head off to Santa Monica tomorrow for the last few days of this trip, and while I'll probably just go shopping and bum around on the beach I'm looking forward to some great Cali weather and some great chill session before coming back to face reality.

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zankivich · 6 years

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Teacher’s Pet: A College AU Chapter 5

This is nothing but smut. Honestly. Not a moment exists outside of the smutiness. Enjoy!

Chapter 5

“Because I want you to fuck me and I don’t really think we need pajamas for that.”

If he’d been drinking anything at that moment he surely would have done an incredible spit take. Instead the poor baby was left floundering against your sink like you asked him to sacrifice a small goat instead of make love to his very willing partner. He uncrossed his arms and then recrossed them opening his mouth to speak several times before anything ever came back.

“This is…. a surprising turn of events.”

You smiled a little to yourself. “Yea. We don’t have to of course. You’re free to object. I just thought it was important that you know I want it.”

“No! I mean no, yea. Sex. Definitely. That’s a thing we should do.”

You laughed closing the distance between the two of you in favor of wrapping your arms around his waist.

“I didn’t mean to freak you out. I just find you incredibly attractive.”

“Really?” He murmured peering down at you.

You nodded, more than willing to stroke his ego among other things, and ran your hands up his chest to toy with the buttons that were keeping you from what you wanted.

“Yea. Every time I open my door and you’re on the other side of it, I get wet all over again. I’m masturbating an aggressive amount even for me, and I’d much rather do you than do me.”

“Wow you don’t sugar coat for shit, aye?” He grinned. “How come you never said anything?”

“To be honest, I think I was scared of what it might mean once it happened. We’ve just been going with the flow and I like that about us. But I’m tired of flowing. Like flow into my pants….Too much?”

“Just enough I think.”

You giggled. “Again, healthy conversation is hot to me. We definitely don’t have to fuck tonight, I just thought you should know.”

“No I want to I just… I’m not prepared, tools wise.”

“What condoms?”

He nodded cheeks red again and you couldn’t help but burst out laughing in relief.

“Jesus Shawn I thought you really didn’t wanna have sex with me. I’ve got condoms for days. I give them out to first years who are too lazy to go to the health and rec center. I’ve got all kind of things. In fact I’ve probably got a big enough arsenal for a small sex shop.”

His head perked up noticeably at that. “You know… we’re gonna digest that some more later.”

“Sure thing, babe.”

He peered over at you eyes trailing up and down the length of your body just as you were doing the same.

One moment you were staring at each other intensely and the next you were slamming into each other with brutal force. His lips were still sweet from the candy he snuck on the drive home, and your tongue felt it necessary to find any hidden traces. Shawn, who varied between shy canadian puppy and confident man who almost certainly was kinky as fuck, had veered a hard right and couldn’t keep his hands off of you. His too big hands were grabbing at your ass pulling you close until your groins were grinding incessantly against each other. You felt the bulge of what he was packing on every upward thrust and you could feel yourself getting wetter by the minute. If he didn’t get inside of you soon, you might just explode.

“Bed.” You moaned as he was biting at the skin of your neck. “Bed now.”

It was a mess because you refused to let each other go which meant bumping into every wall, surface, and edge on the way there. You finally broke into the bedroom where Shawn was trying to undo your jumpsuit without breaking your kiss and you were trying to get him out of those god forsaken jeans. You managed to fall to the bed with Shawn on top hovering above you like the devil he was being at the moment, just barely out of reach.

“Will you please get your fucking clothes off.” You grunted leaning back on your arms to watch the view.

He fumbled with the buttons on his shirt before ultimately pulling it over his head. You took the liberty of working on his belt and the buttons of his jeans. He clumsily rolled off of you to pull them off before he was back and half naked pressing his body along the length of yours and pulling a pleasant sight from your lips.

“You’re so fucking sexy.” He muttered thumbing at your bottom lip.

You smiled and bit at it playfully before sucking the digit into your mouth. The moan he gave was absolutely sinful and you couldn’t wait to have him make more.

The good thing about jumpsuits--except when it comes to having to use the bathroom--is that once you take them off you’re pretty well naked. So, when Shawn pulled the garment off you leaving you in nothing but the lacy black underwear you wore underneath you were left fully exposed to the hungry look he had in his eyes. A look that you knew instantly you had too.

“You mind if I eat you out?”

You sputtered at the question loving this fucking innocent act that wasn’t an act at all but just happened to be his personality.

“This fucking boyscout thing you got going on is only making me wetter. Yes. Please. Eat with flourish.”

He chuckled kissing you softly on the lips before beginning a downward climb to the lower part of your body. He moved your hands away from where they’d been acting as covers for your tits and honestly did a much better job at holding the flesh in his large palms. Shawn settled between your thighs kissing and nuzzling at them while his curls manged to tickle your stomach. It was all just so much to handle. When he touched your skin you swore you could feel every cell, every atom. It was as if your body was absorbing him in, and every swipe of his fingers was just another connection, another push towards fulfillment that only he could bring you.

He took one of his knuckles and ran it up and down your slit where the underwear was still barely covering you. Pressing in slightly you could hear how wet it sounded when he exposed you to the cool air of your apartment, and your body thrummed under his ministrations.

“You should know something before you get started.” You huffed hips involuntarily bucking against him.

“What’s that?” He asked eyes still very much on your vagina.

“It’s just that I’m a bit of squirter. Some people are super into that, some aren’t. But I can’t really control it, so I just wanna give you a heads up.”

The sight of Shawn raising his eyebrows at you from in between your legs was maybe the funniest thing you’d seen in years. And were it not for the fear of him finding it disgusting you probably would’ve laughed. Leave it to Shawn to constantly keep surprising you.

“I’ve only seen that in porn before… You really gonna squirt for me?”

His voice was husky and his lips were swollen from where you’d bit and sucked at them earlier and you just needed some stimulation to start happening!

“Probably. If you do it right.” You grinned. “It’s not as cinematic as they make it out to be. I usually have to put a towel down.”

“Oh I’ll fucking do it right, don’t you worry; no towel needed.”

Finally he reached for the ends of the thong you’d been wearing for far too long pulling it down your legs and pushing your thighs to fully expose yourself to him. He licked his lips before he went in and your heart threatened to spring from your chest.

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

He’d dipped his tongue slowly between the folds going straight for your engorged clit and bumping it softly. There were soft, experimental flicks that had you arching your back in pleasure. And then out of nowhere he latched onto it with a vigor sucking your clit fully into his mouth and slipping a long, arched finger into your pussy. There was nothing soft about this. It was an assault and it had you clutching your sheets desperately in your hands in an attempt to calm down. But there was no calming down. He was bringing you to the edge quick and fast and in a hurry and the smug bastard was grinning around your vagina while he did it!

“This is ridiculous--ooh my god. Fuck don’t stop.” You begged.

He pumped his finger a couple of more times before adding a second and then he was quickly up to his knuckles pulling sounds from your hole that were disgraceful in at least five different countries. His fingers kept tapping and rubbing until he hit a spot inside you that had your hips coming clear off the bed.

“Not so fast babe. Let me get you there.”

He pressed his arm over your hips keeping you anchored to the bed meanwhile continuing that incessant tapping against the bundle of nerves that could end it all. You quickly covered your face fully aware at how embarrassing the sounds you were making were.

No one had ever gotten you there so quickly and yet here you were barely holding on by a thread.

“I’m fucking gonna cum. Shawn I’m-I’m gonna--shit!”

“Go ahead. Squirt for me.”

As if you needed fucking permission. One more lick at your clit and it was over for you juices gushing directly into his mouth as he ate you through the whole entire thing. His tongue stayed suction to your clit slurping everything you had to give with greed and selflessness. You yanked at his hair with reckless abandon, your whole entire body throbbing at the feeling of your orgasm. You stayed like that for a full minute fingers fully stuck in his hair with no way of how to unfold your body from its position.

When you did he slid his fingers from out of you dripping the leftover liquid onto your heated skin before he licked that away too. You collapsed back against the sheets mind coming up blank for words or thoughts on anything. You could feel the heat in your cheeks and the first thing that came to mind was, which one of you was more flushed at the moment. But then, Shawn was straddling your body and kissing you deeply and you could taste yourself on his tongue and you knew that it wasn’t over, was far from over.

“You taste amazing.” He whispered kissing you again for equal measure. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

The nerve of this guy, honestly.

“Feel free to share something with me any time.” You murmured bumping his hardon with your thigh.

“Are you sure you're ready?" He mumbled somehow sweet and innocent despite having eaten you out seconds before.

"I mean a bitch could use a second, for sure.” You said loving the look on his face when he laughed.

“I’m kidding. I’m ready. Get in me. Please." You whispered.

He nodded reaching for one of the condoms you had so politely lade out on the nightstand. You tugged quickly at his boxer briefs loving the moment when his erection sprung out and tapped against your belly. He was swollen and red and leaking precum that would rival the wetness of his fingers from earlier. You wrapped your fist around it without thinking, without asking, and hummed when Shawn involuntarily groaned. He was long and thick and his hard on bumped into the jut of your hip everytime you pumped him.

“Please? Let me be in you.”

You nodded watching him tear at the condom wrapper with his teeth before pushing it down the length of his dick, He teased at your entrance for a while letting the juices from your previous orgasm slick him enough before he finally began to push in. Suddenly you were being filled and filled until his hips were touching yours and a satisfied moan was tearing through your lips. You only seemed to grow wetter when he was fully seated within you, making your body feel full and complete.

"Fuck. F--fuck that's good." You whined.

He nuzzled at your throat and kissed at the skin in such a way that had you aching and wrapping your legs around those hips of his.

"You okay?"

You nodded shakily biting at your lip.

"You're driving me crazy. I want you to move."

You clenched internally giving a breathy laugh when Shawn moaned. This seemed to spur him on enough and he was suddenly pulling out till just the head was left inside before pushing back in stronger than before. His palm grabbed at your ass for leverage and that was all she wrote. The gentle movement of his hips turned to deep, hungry snaps against your sex and every built up ounce of sexual tension came pouring out into the room, into the air.

"Holy shit! Shawn!" You cried. "Please."

"God, every part of you you feels so good." He mumbled.

It's like he was built for you. Every time he moved your body pulsed under his touch. Every second felt like it could be too much. He was reaching something inside of you no one had ever touched before. He hiked your knee up to your chest spreading you open wide and pushing in so deep your eyes crossed. It was fucking heaven. Every second of it.

You scratched your fingers through his scalp tugging at the sweaty strands. You couldn't keep yourself quiet to save your life and his moans were the only thing keeping you from shattering. You bit at his shoulder at one particularly deep thrust and the sound it brought out of him seemed to have the opposite effect.

"You're so good. It feels so fucking good."

He was grunting and swearing and making the hottest high pitched sounds in your ear. You could've gotten off on those sounds alone. He found a rhythm that was harsh and punishing, your skin slapping together loud and wet into the air. His hands had found your hips and were using them for leverage as he fucked you into the bed recklessly. Your body contorted around him pulling him closer externally and internally. You squeezed your muscles around him and his whole body jerked deeper against you until he was no longer pulling out but just grinding deeper and deeper into your pelvic bone. It was hitting you in just the right way, and apparently for Shawn as well as his moans began to grow louder and more broken with ever lunge. You reached down to feel the muscles of his ass with every push encouraging him to fuck you harder. He let out a growl into your ear lifted off of your body reaching for the base of his dick to hold off an orgasm of his own.

"I can't," he whimpered out of breath. "You're so fucking tight. I can't last."

He ran his fingers through his hair and his whole face was red and wet with sweat. It was so fucking hot.

"You wanna take a break?"

"No I want to make you fucking cum." He huffed irritated.

He reached between the two of you gathering some of the liquid that had spread everywhere and quickly began thumbing at your clit. Your muscles tensed as he brought you fast and hard towards climax. To make matters worse he wrapped his arm around your waist and begun shifting his hips in small increments until one of his thrusts sent your whole word spiraling.

"FUCK!"

"There. Is it right there?" He murmured breathlessly,referring to your g-spot.

Maybe you said yes, if you said anything at all. Your mind and soul were a little preoccupied with being fucked into oblivion. The bed was squeaking but who could hear it over you screaming. He leaned closer wrapping his arm around the top of your head and leaning in close so that his lips were by your ear.

“You’re perfect. You feel so fucking good.”

"I'm gonna cum." You whimpered.

"Fuck--yes. Cum for me. Babe please."

He thrust desperately into you keeping on that spot over and over until your whole body started to shake. Your orgasm tore through you just as Shawn was reaching a shuddering halt inside of you. You both let out your loudest cries bodies locked together in pleasure and sweat and release.

Mutually assured destruction had never felt so good.

#Shawn Mendes #Shawn Mendes Imagine #Shawn Mendes fic #Shawn Mendes fanic #Shawn Mendes fan fiction #Shawn Mendes au #Shawn Mendes smut #smut #shawn mendes x reader #Shawn Mendes college au #shawn mendes imagine #Shawn Mendes fanfic #shawn mendes x you #Shawn Mendes x y/n #Shawn Mendes #Shawn Mendes series #Shawn Mendes one shot #Shawn #shawn peter raul mendes

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andthatswhatshewrote · 7 years

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A Brief Intermission

A brief intermission between two semesters. When I get to see a show, I always like to relive and talk about the best bits of the first half - what confused me, what made me laugh, what made me cry, what made me feel warm. So here goes the rambly mess that was my first semester at UNotts.

I can safely say that I have never cried more in the span of 5 hours than I did on the morning of the 21st. Me - who hates anything involving public and emotions - couldn’t stop balling her eyes out at the airport. I was shaking and whimpering various versions of “I don’t want to go” or “I’ve made a mistake”. I can usually get myself out of situations that make me feel like I’m falling apart but there was no way out of this one. Then I zigzagged back and forth for 15 minutes in the lead up to security, wracked anew with sobs every time I’d turn the queue corner and see my family. Pretty comical when I think back on it. Past security, I was actually totally fine. I dried up and bought two cupcakes and some cheesy garlic bread. Ready to do this.

I got to Nottingham the next day at some point, completely exhausted from the flight and bus ride over (on which I’d realized I hadn’t actually paid my accommodation and so had to panic call my parents using the disappearing Heathrow wifi as the bus was pulling away - that was fun). In the next five days I met all six of my roommates and their families. They were so incredibly nice and welcoming, offering me a place to stay over Christmas etc. Because of that, I didn’t actually feel homesick for a few months.

The girls I live with are a crazy mix. A gay, Newcastle lass furiously studying economics (although she’d prefer I say a furiously gay, Newcastle lass studying economics), an easy-going, guitar playing, partier from Belfast, a sarcastic and sassy neuroscientist from London, a sweet and unpredictable girl from a small town in rural England, the nicest and most chill girl I have met from Milan and a new mama-to-be like no other from Hucknall. They’ve taught me quite a few things. First, I do not give two shits who buys the toilet paper (heh). If it has to be me every time, so be it. We do not need to fight about it for days and go into a toilet paper stale mate. Second, people are not always laughing at your expense and if they are, they suck. Third, everyone is super different and has their own way of maintaining their living space and their friendships/relationships - it is not for you to judge. <– That was a hard one for some outspoken/messy people to learn. All in all, I really like my little flat family, as dysfunctional and crazy as they may be.

My actual family also came to visit at Christmas and we traveled to Italy a little. It was pretty weird seeing them after three months. Ian was just a big a pain as usual and Will and I got along just fine. Just like normal. It might sound bad but I didn’t miss them as much as I thought I would. I love my family to death but I also love living here and being my own person. Getting Chinese food with them on the last night, when Will outed me and the Australian and my dad panicked will always be one of the funniest nights of my life. Since then, there have been some cancer scares and successful hip surgeries, new girlfriends and increasingly high grades. Overall, they’re doing just dandy. I do miss my dogs a hell of a lot though.

I also joined the rambling society where I met five girls who I love to death. They were accepting and warm, funny and rude and each had their own amazing adventures to tell. Our little group just worked. They were also from parts of Europe where you just say what’s on your mind - you’re not rude, but you know what you want and aren’t afraid to express it. If they didn’t want mango in their spring roll, they would tell you instead of the very Canadian “oh sure, that’ll be fine” with an internal monologue of ‘who the fuck puts mango in a spring roll’ (actually pretty tasty in hindsight). It was just one of the things I loved about them. I’m bound to miss them more and more throughout the semester so I’ll probably write some appreciation post about each one of them at some point… sigh.

Speaking of the rambling society. OH MAN. That was fun. Such a great, nerdy group of people to scale mountains with. I accidentally sank down to my knees in mud on more than one occasion, slid down the side of a hill covered in snow too deep to walk in, got stuck hiking down one of the steepest cliff sides in the dark, did a night hike (ok but WHY, like yeah I did it, so cool but what is the point, you can’t see anything), met more sheep than I ever have in my life and also a very grumpy donkey.

OH dude. I totally forgot I went caving. Brief intermission in this intermission. Holy shit, there is nothing like that. I have never ever been so cold or mud covered in my life. The highlights I can remember are squeezing myself into a tiny hole, that was just about big enough to fit half of me and sliding down on my stomach, helped by copious amounts of mud, until I landed in some sand next to a cave diving start point. Totally awesome but terrifying. Then there were the ducks, when you had to go under water for a few seconds to surface into another pocket of air. Or the times when you just had to wedge yourself against a wall and slide down, very Emperor’s New Groove style. Kronk’s muscles would’ve been handy. I also met a good friend named Marion on the trip. I would unknowingly go on a few dates with her before realizing she was gay. We’re still friends and I’m going to meet her cat sometime this week!! Needless to say, I have some pretty great memories from it (too many to fit here and now) but I will not be doing that again.

Back to rambling. Our weekend away to the Lake District is in my top five moments so far at Notts. The hike, the people, just everything. The first day had been harder than we’d anticipated and so we ended late, got back to the hostel and just all cuddled up together on the couches before eating an awesome curry dinner surrounded by everyone, happy and tired and drunk. I also met a myriad of lovely guys on the trip, one of which I’d end up going on some of the best dates with. He’s an excellent cook and a crazy sweet guy. The crayons and the dinner will be hard for all future guys to top. Just, sadly, not quite right.

I did, however, meet another guy. He was very special. We’d see each other only a handful of times in the next two months but each of them would leave such a smile on my face that it didn’t matter. I’ve talked about him before, but he was smart (annoyingly so, I couldn’t get away with saying things like centrifical when I meant centripetal or centrifugal), liked doctor who (I mean do I even have to say more?), had a kind heart (too many examples to even include) and made me laugh at almost every moment, except maybe english stud muffins. He was confident and friendly, everyone from random Lancastrians to my jumpy security guards loved him. It should also be said that he was incredibly good looking: tall, blonde (ironically, I’ve always said I was never attracted to blonde guys... can’t say that anymore), beautiful eyes, beautiful smile, perfect for hugs and spoons... definitely looked good in son costume d’anniversaire. I loved his stories about his roommates and dancing with their siblings, of him and his brother embarrassing their younger sister and his rants about complaining Canadians and socially-inept Australian parrot people. There were times throughout our brief overlap where I thought I regretted meeting him, though. His heart was pretty recently bruised, more recently than I’d anticipated and every time he missed his ex after spending time with me, it really hurt. It kill(s)(ed) me constantly wondering if his obscure Tumblr likes and reposts were about her or me (millennials, I can’t stand em’). But, after it all, how could I really regret any of it? I loved coercing our way into getting Indian food too late at night, loved teaching him the ukulele, loved when he met my roommates, loved when he wrapped his arms around me waiting to cross the street, loved when he tried to embarrass me by being a Book of Mormon-loving-fool in public, loved getting Turkish food at 2 am in London, and loved waking up and reading while he slept on me. Actually. I do regret one thing. We should’ve rented those damn bikes.

We didn’t really get a real goodbye so that is kinda what I wanted to say in the train station. Thank you for it all, kiddo. Someone will be very lucky one day.

This semester has had the highest highs and lowest lows (lots of which I didn’t include here cause bad things aren’t fun to remember a lot of the time). It’s only been four months!! I have five more… I’m honestly a little scared of everything that will/could happen. All I know is that I will try to be more open-minded, less jealous, MANAGE MY DAMN TIME OH GAWD, play more guitar, dance more, read more and try and take it easy. It’s been really fucking fun.

I’ll probs edit this lots but here goes my ‘brief’ - did anyone think it would be - intermission.

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markwatkinsconsumerguide · 7 years

Photo

Consumer Guide / No.39 / Suzie Ungerleider (Oh Susanna) with Mark Watkins.

MW: Suzie, why record and perform as Oh Susanna?

SU: When I started performing about 20 years ago, I was very shy about it. I felt like the name Oh Susanna could be like a costume I could dress in to become my musical alter-ego. If I were Oh Susanna, I could walk onstage, I belonged there. But just as Suzie Ungerleider, I felt awkward and shy and wrongfully placed. The musical part of myself was hidden for a very long time, it seemed like a separate identity that I only knew, so I decided to name it and bring it out into the world. I think it also gave clues as to how the music would sound: it would sound old, American, acoustic, and have a female voice.

MW: Thoughts on the traditional American standard, “Oh Susanna”, written by Stephen Foster? How about James Taylor's cover version?

SU: Stephen Foster's “Oh Susanna” is a song I learned as a kid and is still used in many toys that you can buy your kids. It is from the black minstrel tradition, where a white person would don a stereotyped idea of a black persona, and sing from that point of view. “Oh Susanna” is a song written in what Stephen Foster thought of as a “Black voice”. But, of course, there are all kinds of layers of misconception and stereotype contained in that song. When you are a kid you don’t realize this. It just seems like a nonsense song talking about “sun so hot, I froze to death” and other impossibilities. It is also a song of longing and reuniting of loved ones. So it is a powerful artifact which reveals the conflicts and complexities of identity, loathing and envy in the context of the history of American nation which was founded on racism and oppression. It is a very emotional song if interpreted that way.

Believe it or not, Mark, I am totally unfamiliar with James Taylor’s version. He was not someone I really listened to other than the big hits.

MW: Is there a thread that neatly sews together your output, from your first, Oh Susanna, e.p (1997), to your most recent, Name-dropper album (2014)?

SU: I think one of the main themes of my work is humans struggling with hard choices, and the search for redemption, or liberation. I studied a lot of classical literature and mythology way back when, and so the journey into the underworld as a means of gaining wisdom and eventual liberation and self-actualization is one I am quite obsessed with. I used that story to look at my own life because I have often felt trapped by my own fears and character traits. However, after going through cancer and really getting close to death, I think I am now looking less at such gloom. I saw the thing I feared and I realized I don’t need to write about it so much anymore. So, my latest record which is about to be released in Europe in the spring. A Girl in Teen City is a memoir of my teenaged years in 1980s Vancouver. It is a coming of age story.

MW: Share your personal memories of ‘The Scrappy Bitch Tour’?

SU: ‘The Scrappy Bitch Tour’ was a tour I co-created with my dear friends Veda Hille and Kinnie Starr. The first one was in 1997. It all came about because someone told us they heard a rumour we were going on tour together. So we decided, why not? Let’s make the rumour come true. Veda named the tour. I was asking her on the phone what should we call it and she said glibly, “Should we call it ‘The Scrappy Bitch Tour’, or something?” So the naming of the tour took about one minute. It was kind of a funny cheeky response to Sarah McLachlan’s ‘Lilith Fair’ imagery which was all Venus on the halfshell. Lilith was actually a terrifying creature from Hebrew mythology, a pre-Eve character who did not behave and so God started over and created Eve to replace her as the first woman.

I remember much of what it was like to be three strong willed, creative and bossy people on the road together. It was pretty much my first real tour and Veda was really the veteran. We all loved each other but had to deal with our competitive and envious side as well. The audience was usually all revved up and female and it was a really exciting time. It is funny I still have people who came to the tour telling me they were thinking, “I don’t like country music” and then seeing me and totally changing their minds. Not that I am country music but they thought I would be.

MW: What's it like working with Luke Doucet? Justin Rutledge? Jim Bryson?

SU: Mark - I have long, long friendships with these three talented songwriters. And I really like that. I like having history with people.

Luke Doucet and I started playing together in around 1998 when his band Veal and I went on tour together. They backed me up and they played their own set too. I was very green and so it was extremely exciting to have such a cool band to work with. After that, Luke became my guitar player on several albums and their subsequent tours. Luke is a brilliant and flashy guitar player so working with him was always so so musically exciting. He knows the guitar so well that he can improvise incredible melodies over and over again. It is really remarkable. I have him to thank for having me fall in love with loud, loud lead guitar while I am on stage. I love telling guitarists I work with to turn their amplifiers up. The cool thing is that I have also seen Luke evolve over the years with his own music and with his guitar playing. I think that Melissa McCLelland is an incredibly talented writer and singer and just a lovely person so he really is lucky to be able to work and have a life with her. He has really found his place with her and their duo Whitehorse.

Justin Rutledge is one of the most poetic writers in the Canadian music scene. He is also an incredibly caring human being. He has been my protector and confident on many occasion. I love singing with him. He is gentle and strong at the same time.

Jim Bryson is one of my dearest and best friends. We met on tour in around 2001 and we just clicked. We joke that we almost were boyfriend and girlfriend but fate intervened, we married other people, and so now we are brother and sister. He makes me laugh and pull my hair out just like a brother would. I feel incredibly lucky to have found a co-conspirator in Jim. He is a “heart on his sleeve” kind of person and that works for me. He loves to hold court and be silly but then he also has some darkness which suits me fine. I love his aesthetic…he is more modern and contemporary than I am so we complement each other. We just made our second record together called A Girl in Teen City. He produced it but I also have him to thank for telling me to write about my punk rock youth. The record sounds incredible thanks to his production, mixing, and also my friends who played on it.

MW: My favourite cut off the Oh Susanna album (2003) is “Little White Lies”. Give me the story behind the song?

SU: That song came out of me lying in a hotel in Cleveland by myself. I had done a lonely gig where no one came and then I called my pal Fred Eaglesmith for some comfort and camaraderie. Fred was saying how I was unique in this world because most girls my age were planning their weddings and here I was, a lonely troubadour on the road. The other inspiration to that song was that I met many a male musician who just couldn’t be faithful and so that became the character in the song. But at the same time I am talking about the loneliness that I felt by traveling alone on the road.

MW: My favourite cut off the Name-dropper album is 1955. Tell me about that song...

SU: Jay Harris, a dear friend, is a kick ass songwriter out of Kingston, Ontario in Canada. He doesn’t tour or play live much but he has two really incredible albums and has written countless songs. He gave that song to me to record on Name-dropper but he also has a version out there too. At first I loved it because I thought it referenced the 1950s, an era I was enamoured of since childhood. On closer listen you realize that it is the ages of the two protagonists in the song: 19 and 55. The old doll and her young guy. This makes the song even more delicious.

MW: How’s it all going with Kickstarter?

SU: Yes, I just ran a Kickstarter campaign for my new upcoming album which is called A Girl in Teen City - which features songs about my years as a teenager in 1980s Vancouver. I met my goal which is a relief because I am not sure how I would have paid for the album. It is exhilarating and exhausting running a Kickstarter, and I felt like a used car salesman, but I also believe in the project and that it is something I needed to make for my own personal expression, but also as a love letter to that city and the people I grew up with.

MW: Do you think "Americana" is now more (or entirely) absorbed into the music mainstream, or is the genre still distinctive and different enough?

SU: I really don't pay attention to the mainstream so I can't really comment on this. But I do know that the definition of “Americana” shifts depending upon where you live. In Europe, I am “Americana” but in the United States I am singer-songwriter.

I don’t like the idea of writing to get on the radio but I know that people do write this way. For example, CBC used to be more open in its format but now they seem to want to play a certain kind of song. So I see friends creating songs to fit that format. If the song feels authentic then it is ok but it sucks when you can feel the intention of sales behind a song.

MW: Let’s delve into some of your current music favourites by others...

SU: Abigail Lapell is a young singer-songwriter in Canada who has a pure voice and beautiful songs. I love her new record that just came out. I have been listening to her CD in the car.

Andy Shauf’s albums are in heavy rotation in our house. We bought the albums on itunes and play them from our phones.

I have been listening to Gregory Alan Isakov as well – I bought his The Weatherman album on itunes and I usually listen on my phone while riding the subway.

MW: Do you use Kindle? Current reading matter?

SU: I don't have a Kindle and I mostly read on paper. I have tried reading on my phone which I like because I can make the print bigger (I am at that age).

I am reading a book my mother gave me called Fifteen Dogs by Andre Alexis. She gave it to me because I recently got a dog and I spend a lot of time in the park, walking in the woods. The novel is partially set in the park that I walk in. The premise is Apollo and Hermes, whilst in a bar in Toronto, debate what would happen if dogs were as intelligent as humans…would they be as miserable as we are? So, Apollo grants human intelligence to a group of fifteen dogs and the novel tells what happens as a consequence.

MW: Have you embraced Hygge? If so, in what ways have you incorporated this cosy lifestyle into Toronto living?

SU: I had to look up what Hygge means to answer this but yes I do have a cozy house. Warm lighting, fireplace, blankets. I vow to light more candles this year.

MW: What are the best things about Toronto, Suzie?

SU: There is incredible food here. Music, Film, Theatre, Art and Dance are all incredibly strong here. Also debate and discussion - political and philosophical – happen here. There is an abundance here that is overwhelming. Never enough time to take in everything. NOW magazine is where I look to find out what is happening in the city.

https://nowtoronto.com/

MW: What's your schedule for 2017, and where can we find out more?

SU: I am releasing A Girl in Teen City in Europe in late March, Mark. I will be touring The Netherlands and the UK in April. Some of the UK shows are with Hannah Saunders and Ben Savage (with whom I did an artist retreat where we learned each other’s songs and sing together. It is pretty special and there are some videos on the internet of us singing together all around one microphone. We played at Kathleen Edwards cafe which was really special, Jim came up and made a guest appearance. We played in Toronto at an excellent and intimate venue called Burdock. At another show in Picton, Ontario, Justin Rutledge made a guest appearance as well).

https://youtu.be/rJcO6rDyY-Y

https://youtu.be/pvFf57pRehw

https://youtu.be/81-oOvEgFK4

Then releasing the album in North America. www.ohsusanna.com is where you can join the mailing list to find out what is happening with me. I am also on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter as OhSusannaMusic.

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