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blacktinnedpeaches · 4 months

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less christmassy mental illness posting (not incredibly doomy or anything just also not huge festive)

think the OCD might have snuck in teh back door again in a way i didnt immediately recognise :) this seems to be a pattern every winter now + every year im like taken aback by the form it takes? like a few years ago it was "you are a lesbian x", at some point it was ruminating obsessively over my past bad actions, at some point it was obsessing over my relationship with ben and whether or not it was "perfect", and im not actually sure what it is this time?? i just feel similar as i usually do in an OCD flare but without the actual thoughts that i can make sense of?? if that makes sense??

this is going to sound slightly ridiculous (very ridiculous) to anyone who doesnt understand how random triggers can be but i think it might have been watching fellow travelers?? scream... i didnt even like it... i think the whole love story across the ages thing possibly set off my "perfect relationship" obsessive thoughts a bit without me really noticing (a few years ago i couldnt watch any lesbian content bc it panicked me so much bc i just could not stop the intrusive thoughts that i am a lesbian lmfao) as well as the fact it involves a man in a straight marriage when he's really gay + maybe this hit a few of my ocd buttons too, thinking about it for the first time as i literally type this post lol (yes im sure this is ocd btw, i feel like i should always make the clarification that this isnt legitimate lesbian questioning or anything, i know ive posted the same thing a few times over the years + i think everyone believes me lol but im just v aware its such an annoyingly plausible thing that happens all the time which im p sure is why my brain has gifted me with it. not to put too fine a point on it but i love dick / will happily put dick in my mouth and/or jerk it off / have watched gay porn bc men are sexy to me / never actually fantasise about women (or anyone, but that's a different thing lol) / my first crush was on a boy my age and i absolutely loved him lol / i love sex with ben + will initiate it a lot and definitely dont see it as a chore or something to get through. you know blah blah etc. its just one of those things) im also thinking it might have something to do with fellow travelers bc youtube kept recommending me fellow travelers shorts and every time i saw the show on my recs page i got distressed. i did notice this at the time but i was so baffled i wasnt really sure what to make of it so i just tried to ignore it bc what the actual fuck

tbf i was already not doing brilliantly before fellow travelers but maybe i should be a bit more careful about the themes of shit i watch in the winter when im always more vulnerable to insanity creeping in lol!! nothing about true love or gayness!!!!! or hiding said gayness!!!!!

god what a post!! im actually ok tonight like im not crying at my desk or anything. (i was a few nights back mind you) i was just musing. christmas

#take a day off mate it's christmas #me @ my brain

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alostlittleriverlotus · 4 months

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mental health vent/rant, personal

since I got triggered by some mockery on my mental health app over my age regression (after months of not being safe and being triggered or harassed and shit), my OCD has been pretty triggered. Everything I do feels like it's being scrutinized and everything I do is actually me being a horrendous person. The mental health app died after some stuff with the company, but I never noticed much. Until recently when it seems certain cliques have formed and I have very much been the mockery of accounts on there. So my mental health app is no longer helpful to my mental health. I just keep it around to check on my mutuals that I like there since they're pretty cool.

But especially since I needed a higher dosage of my anxiety meds, my anxiety and OCD have been TERRIBLE for me and I am feeling the moral ocd a LOT with online stuff and useless things like discourse. I feel so panicked and unstable and constantly endlessly scrolling in a spiral to have answers or "proof" I'm not a bad person even tho the situation has been over for a bit and I blocked em for my mental health. It just...really won't stop bothering me. I did manage to get a higher dosage of my meds so I'll start on that, but between messed up birth control (got the wrong brand cause pharmacy didn't notify us they couldn't get the brand we needed and it fucked me and my body and hormones up) and then triggering online stuff and triggering family stuff and then that. Plus seasonal depression on top of it all.

I just feel constantly in a frenzy and panic, endlessly scrolling and wondering if I am some horrific abusive monster that deserves the worst all because I age regressed to feel safe after having my one safe person not being there.

I don't know why I'm making this post other than to just get it out of my head. I feel like I'm losing my mind and keep treating every online interaction as if it could be another worst case scenario. I've started existing online publicly again to mend this issue yet some people have only worsened it. The mix of ocd and narcissism is the worst. I had a pretty bad narc crash and then that happened and my meds stopped being as useful. I started having real bad intrusive thoughts again, regular anxiety attacks, even trauma nightmares again. My mental health has been in the dumps which is why I'm pretty inactive and shit. I just cant. I just hope that things will get better now that I got my meds adjusted and I get these thoughts out of my head.

I've legitimately had such bad narc crashes I considered "killing off" all my special interests to be accepted and given any ounce of validation. It was...it was bad. I feel like a monster for what I like. I feel like a monster for age regressing. Being treated like some horrific predator for age regressing made me so sick. It doesn't step pestering me and I'm now terrified of online interactions even more than before. I really am keeping this vague cause I have this paranoid fear theyll somehow find me and bother me more or I'll just be mocked and belittled more. I'm so paranoid and delusional and terrified of others and it's getting to me bad.

I hope that with making this post that it gets it out of my head. And as my meds start functioning properly again, I hope I can handle it. I just had to get it out of my head cause I felt like I was losing my mind.

#ocd #moral ocd #mental health #everything going wrong #triggered #paranoia #delusions #delusional #paranoid #fear of people #actually autistic #actually disabled #actually traumatized #actually narcissistic

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espies-galaxy · 1 year

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My Pet Peeves Basically Drive Me Insane

Dear World,

I am a normal human being. For the most part anyway. I wake up, workout, eat, live a normal life; however, I am consumed by this anger that lives inside of me.

*chewing*

*drinking*

*breathing*

*pen-clicking*

*keyboard sounds on a phone*

*same music notes that are repetitive*

All these things I have an issue with. As stupid as it sounds, if I hear music too much it is overwhelming and makes me anxious. Phone keyboards make me angry over time. Pen-clicking makes me irritated; it sounds like it is right in my ear.

What you see, though, is chewing, drinking, and breathing. It is not like I want someone to not breathe, drink or eat; rather, it makes me extremely angry to the point I may leave the room until someone is done eating or get a tissue if someone's breathing is too much (when people are sick, type deal). When it comes to people drinking, I can block it out unless it is continuous gulping, in which case I may give them a glance or say hey, take a breath. It truly depends on how well I know the person.

My family knows that if I glance at them, it is because it is getting too much for me. Usually, they are almost done eating or drinking. They even know if it is their breathing because they are sick and it's heavier than normal.

I even get angry with myself, so do not go on about how I am a hypocrite if I eat chips or something. I have actually stopped eating some foods because I cannot take the sound it makes while I eat.

I do not know how to explain how angry it makes me; I am not a violent person in the slightest bit, but the anger it causes makes me want to hit something or throw something. It feels like someone flipped a switch, and I get angry; I can feel my blood rushing faster; I grit my teeth, trying to block it out.

I never used to have this issue until I was about 13 or 14 years old, so about the start of high school. I ignored it and ignored it, and I would get angry and storm out of places and people figured it was just me being a teenage girl.

Then I did what people should not do when it comes to anything medical in the slightest, and I googled, "I hate people chewing," and I got a list of results talking about a "disorder" called misophonia.

Just by googling it, you will get a list of results for links and, to the right, a table with information. For instance, there is this helpful bit of information:

Misophonia may cause a reaction to sounds such as dripping water, chewing, snapping gum, or repetitive noises, such as pencil tapping.

People with misophonia can become irritated, enraged, or even panicked when they hear their trigger sounds.

Treatment might involve therapy or lifestyle recommendations, such as using sound protection or creating "noise-free" zones within living spaces.

It does give effects, symptoms, and "treatments" for it. Misophonia is on the table to decide if it is a legitimate psychiatric disorder or if people just need to get over themselves. In those links, there are people who have found it common in people who have issues with OCD or anxiety.

I am doubtful it is a "psychiatric" disorder, but it is a horrible problem to deal with. And there are people who say just to get over yourself and just deal with it. I do deal with it, but like anything else, it just becomes extremely overwhelming.

So if you see me a glance, do not get mad at me, please, do not think I am an assortment of harsh names. I do my best to deal with it, and if it gets down to me not being able to deal with it, I will leave. I am trying to learn to get used to it, and I am getting better at blocking it out.

I am working on it, so just work with me.

Sincerely,

I am sorry and I am trying

P.S. Here is a visual representation of what it feels like...

(originally written by me on June 6, 2016)

#pet peeve #pet peeeeeeve #annoyed #misophonia #I feel crazy

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falins-dragon-meat · 11 months

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More mental illness on main cw unreality/ocd/intrusive thoughts (nothing graphic just kinda talking about them)

My ocd has been really bad recently. My intrusive thoughts have been kinda different and almost stylized which is like kinda cool in a sense cuz I can remember them and be like "woah that definitely wasn't real but I can see it." OK this post is me in real time remembering what psychosis is LOL. OK this whole ordeal has literally given me a tummy ache :/. Um one of my go to thoughts is that I am constantly about to be electrocuted, kinda triggered if I have a taste in my mouth ever or anytime doing anything near a plug or running water during rain. It's actually kind of infuriating how my brain defaults to things purely bc I heard them when I was young and ofc I had a whole conveyer of bullshit coming from both my mom and my gma bc they are both also sosick. I feel incredibly legitimately psychotic when I drive it's like the only way I can... drive? You drop a sponge in water, it gets wet; you belt me into a seat in a metal box moving 30-80mph next to some of the most infuriating people on the planet, I DO NOT FEEL SAFE, EVER. don't even get me started on the grocery store, grocery store is hell on earth a literal torture chamber.

Here's to hoping I can go outside or open a window tomorrow clearly I need it :P

#nova.txt #this post took me through a whole panic attack (2 stage edition)

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thefeistydragon · 2 years

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People are all "curate your experience" until they're personally blocked after telling someone to shut up.

Funny thing, if you tell someone to "shut up" and "get off your post", maybe consider that they will, idk, actually do that? And block so that the notifications are out of their notifications so they don't risk violate someone else's boundaries?

My mental health can come with bad impulse control so I do what I can, including getting rid of notifications and stepping away to cool down.

Meanwhile that's turned into the assumption that I don't care.

I mean, what the fuck is someone supposed to do when they would have to respond to a post they've been told not to respond to? All you can do at that point is block and get it out of your notifications.

From what I can tell though there wouldn't have been a point anyway. Unless I'm misunderstanding something, the mindset seems to be "I have mental health issues so I can't possibly be being ableist to other people" so I know it's a lost cause.

I just wish people would understand that their experiences with mental health are not universal. Their triggers aren't universal. Just because you went through X and don't have a certain trigger doesn't mean someone else who also went through X didn't develop said trigger.

I have very similar trauma to my best friend, some of it from the exact same source, but we have triggers that don't overlap.

Also people with PTSD, funny enough, don't own exclusive rights to the word. Something could be a trigger for paranoia, or ocd, or intrusive thoughts, or anxiety, or a whole host of other issues.

Also for reference, I've fucking read the graphic novel being discussed. Several times. And I have an open offer with people who know me to help them get through it and warn them ahead of time about their specific triggers so they can read it and learn from it.

Because personally I think it's important, and I like doing my part to make it accessible rather than assuming everyone is interacting in bad faith. (Which yes there are a ton of people who are. But if someone seems to be trying to engage with it I personally like to help them instead of doing the leftist equivalent of "The real world doesn't have trigger warnings").

In full fairness I let myself get worked up and didn't start my response to someone else as politely as I should. I shouldn't have been so direct about saying they were ableist and should have just given counter examples.

But I didn't think to Because I was pissed. Because someone saying that "You can't get triggered by something you never went through" and calling someone antisemitic for legitimately wanting trigger warnings so they could engage (not the fragility "oh it's uncomfy" stuff) fucking pisses me off.

As someone who focuses a big part of my disability advocacy on people with ocd and paranoia, and who's spent a lot of time in support groups for survivors of abuse, I *know* how triggering that specific graphic novel can be for people if they go in unprepared. And how with just a bit of warning can keep someone from having their mental health absolutely down spiral as a result.

Which lets them engage instead of having to either put it down and avoid it, or have their mental and sometimes physical health wrecked as a result of taking on something they weren't in a spot to handle.

And seeing people's actual conditions dismissed as them being bigoted just, it fucking pisses me off.

Someone needing a heads up that a book gets into horrors that happened to real people, and discusses extremely unsanitary conditions, so they don't scrub their skin to bleeding for days after? That's not someone being bigoted.

Someone needing to be warned they're going to read about people being starved because it causes problems for their eating disorder, or triggers them about abuse they suffered? That's not someone being bigoted.

That's people genuinely trying to engage with difficult material despite barriers and needing a warning so they can.

"You're not really triggered by X" doesn't stop being ableist to tell a person just because you have mental health issues too.

What really gets my goat is that people should know better. They're some of the ones targeted by the hate against trans mascs, so they should know better than to think "I'm part of X marginalized group so I can never commit lateral aggression".

So it's a lost cause, and I'm pretty sure because of how much I see posts from them around I should just stop bothering with trans masc stuff too. I'm not going to wait until someone mischaracterizes me again. I get that enough from neurotypicals irl.

#to tag #honestly i think I'm about done in general #I've had it with the infighting and the way someone is always getting shoved under the bus #I'm also just done with the lip service people pay to including neurodivergency but the minute you display it you're assumed to be wrong #anyway #vent i guess #also that offer stands for anyone who stumbles on this bs #if you want to read maus but are having trouble because you legit need warnings I'll help you out #because it's very worth reading but i know how going into any media like that without preparation can be detrimental for some people #long post

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atmilliways · 3 years

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That OCD stuff seems like hell. I'm so sorry you both deal with that. It doesn't sound great for him, or very fair to you. Is your husband in therapy for this or taking medication?

Yes and yes, and thank you. ❤ Pre-medication was honestly, in retrospect, utter hell for both of us. It also didn't help that at the time he was working at a doggie daycare, which included cleaning up after the dogs so it came with the anti-benefit of getting him so legitimately dirty that the feeling often persisted well after he was clean.

Pre-medication was washing our hands (at worst) twenty-six times after touching anything not "clean." Now, seven years later, it's down to eleven. Eight if it wasn't trash or laundry or a handful of other things, though the handful is generally so sporadic that we both just do eleven anyway in order to go back to clean, but eight between one "dirty" task and another is fine.

That's definitely not the only thing that's changed, but it's kind of a good gauge for how much worse it could be. Without meds he has trouble calming his brain down to get enough sleep, and when he hasn't slept well it's harder to actually apply the coping mechanisms he's learned. And also trouble calming his brain down enough to talk himself down from freaking out before he really starts spiraling.

We've also done a fair amount of couples therapy to work out how to communicate better, especially because a lot of the time him being upset triggers my anxiety real hard. There's a lot to navigate there, and actually the first couples therapist (again, pre-meds and also pre finding a therapist experienced in treating OCD patients) we tried ended up turning us away specifically because the OCD was eclipsing everything.

The closest I've ever come to feeling what he feels is when I had a case of fleas. (Thank you old apartment complex that was full of all the 50+ dogs that most apartments wouldn't allow but also didn't mow the damn grass enough so it was all infested, and we'll never know if our dog brought it in or they got in on their own or both.) That feeling that something is on you, and you can't catch it and you can't see it and everything around you is also covered with it so you can't get clean. After some hysteria I managed to get in my car, drive the two hours to where he and the pets were visiting with his parents, throw everything I had on me clothes-wise straight into the washer without touching anything, and shower. I came out of that shower scrubbed pink but for the rest of the night had to keep asking if anyone saw anything crawling on me because I could still feel them. We also, at some point, bug bombed my car. When I went back to work, I even wiped down my desk and chair just in case. When we moved out of the apartment (never slept there again) we trashed the couch and the mattress and rugs. It was a big financial setback to replace those things, but I never wanted to experience anything like that ever again.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. But anyway, sometimes my parents reduce the OCD to "wow when you two visit you sure go through a lot of toilet paper and it really fills up our trash can" and it makes me want to throttle them. 😊

#ocd #jean rambles

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rotationalsymmetry · 3 years

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The flip side of supporting self diagnosis, is to be aware that some people who HAVE a thing are neither professionally diagnosed nor self-diagnosed.

I do get the pushback against “I’m so OCD!!” etc. But I’m not a huge fan of “you can only say ‘triggered’ if it’s PTSD” or even “you can only say ‘triggered’ if it’s a medical condition” because...sometimes people have really strong emotional reactions to things that other people wouldn’t, and they don’t know why. Only that other people wouldn’t have that strong a reaction.

And...that’s what the word “trigger” is meant to convey, a thing that doesn’t bother most people, but which does set off a strong physical or emotional or behavioral reaction in some people.

I don’t even know if anyone’s actually arguing that any more. Earlier this decade some people were.

And yet simultaneously I’m extremely against people talking about “spoons” outside of an obvious disability/spoonie context. I’m not entirely sure whether this is hypocracy or there’s a legitimate distinction.

I know my underlying thinking with that is “my cfs limitations are different in both degree and type to my pre-cfs limitations, and it’s hard enough to talk about that as it is without abled people co-opting one of the few words we have to talk about that difference, and I want people to understand.” Yeah. It’s: before I could be on a backpacking trip and hike all day over rugged terrain and be exhausted and sore at the end of the day and be able to do it again tomorrow, and if I got exhausted I could keep going and it wouldn’t harm me, and now if I do the equivalent of hiking 10 miles with thousands of feet of change in elevation I don’t just get tired, I might spend the next couple days lying on the couch (and the next month being able to do less than I’m used to.) Even if the equivalent of the 10 mile hike is like, going clothes shopping for one item of clothing.

Like, seriously: I wasn’t lying down tired yesterday, but I was serious brain fog and sleepy at 9pm and emotionally sensitive level tired. Proud that I successfully took a shower level tired. Because? I went to a doctor’s appontment on Monday and got a flu shot. And I thought I was out of the woods when I felt OK on Tuesday and Wednesday. Ha.

I fucking hate this illness.

I guess it comes down to: if you think there’s a significant difference in how you relate to energy and activity compared to other people, in a way that seems to be pretty much what the Spoon Theory essay is talking about, cool you have spoon issues go talk about them (regardless of what’s causing them or whether you know the cause), and if it’s just you hear the word being tossed about and you want to talk about there only being 24 hours in a day or whatever, find some other term. Because, of course everyone has limits. Of course it’s healthy and appropriate for people to respect their own limits, and ok/good to say “I can’t do this because if I did I would be overextending and it would catch up to me later” even if “later” might be months or years down the line. But some people’s limits are categorically different than others.

And I think when people talk about “spoons” outside of a disability context, even when they are spoonies, abled people do what most people do and guess at the meaning from context, and what they guess is “oh, that’s like ‘I don’t have enough energy’ or ‘I need a self care break’ or whatever” or even “I don’t have enough time to do that” and they think it applies to them. And, it’s like how over time “xerox” means “photocopy” and so on, what people use the word as is what it becomes.

So, I think casual use of “spoons” outside of a clear context does mainstream the word, but also changes the meaning into something that is now useless for the disability community.

Kinda like how politically correct word changes sometimes drag along concepts with them, and other times people just take the new pc word and start using it in a derogatory way. So a new, more pc word is developed and the cycle continues.

Words mean things.

Oh, and it is the same thing for “triggered” I guess: on the one hand people should be able to use it even if they don’t know what’s going on with their brains, on the other I guess people shouldn’t use it for “I was mildly upset for five minutes”, but also from the outside sometimes it might look like someone is using it in the second way when they’re not. So it’s worth being very careful about call-outs on this (unless you know the person very well; what some people call call-ins) and better to do general education.

#possibly a bit rambly #cfs/me has a spectrum of severities some people are sicker than others #spoons #disability #chronic illness #discourse #political #ableism #long post #semantics #the purpose of changing what words we use #I sometimes get kinda protective about my diagnosis because of course it sounds like #just being tired all the time #and of course #everyone is always tired all the time #but of course it’s hard af to get a cfs diagnosis #so logically there must be a lot of people who have it and are not diagnosed with it #I absolutely do the comparison game all the time even though I know I shouldn’t

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metalchick19-blog · 5 years

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The Bowers Gang: Ship #2 - Patrick Hockstetter

Request: Hi. ~ ( Sorry for my bad english, I'm Italian. ) First of all I wanted to say I love your headcanon on the Bowers Gang and your writing. This is my ship request. 💙✨I'd like to be shipped with Patrick. ( My physical description )My hair is bright red ( dyed ) and half shaved. I usually wear blue contact lenses and make-up ( eyeliner and pink/red eyeshadow ); I also wear glasses. I am tall 5'6''. ( Personality ) I am an extrovert girl and very talkative, I often annoy my friends talking about the movies I have seen and the books I read ( My favourite films are A Clockwork Orange, Benny's Video, Crash, Good Fellas, Nosfretatu, Videodrome; my favourite books are Catch-22 and Naked Lunch. ) My friends usually describe me as arrogant and very impulsive; also someone told me that I look like a cupcake filled with poison 'cause I have a pretty face but I am very sarcastic and I'm used to threat anyone who says to me something I think it's offensive ( I am very prickly. ) Also I am very anxious and nervous about lots of things like keep my grades up and always look pretty, similar to a Barbie or Jessica Rabbit ( so I wear make-up everyday, wear clothes like crop-top and shorts and keep my weight down. ) I am the kind of person that tries to always win because don't know how to handle a defeat. I suffer from OCD so I have lots of irrational fears ( example: if I don't repeat a phrase an even number of times I'll be hit by a car and die ). I also have compulsion like repeat every action two/four times ( never three or five ) and I eat different foods ( as chips and meat ) in different plates because I'm scared to be poisoned if they touch. Me and my cousin's boyfriend usually do things like burn little insects or trap them in something ( like a glass full of water ) and put them in the fridge to freeze them. I also smoke a lot ( cigarettes, I don't like weed so much ) and really like to drink, even if I rarely get drunk. Sometimes I get involved in fights, always out of school, and I became pretty violent; I am not so strong but I have always a little knife with me or a chain, worn as a necklace. I only sleep few hours at night because I usually spend time drawing ( I draw only naked people and without the head ) or reading / watching something. I am not a jealous girl, I always leave a lot of freedom to my partners. I don't believe in moral laws applicable to anyone, I think that there isn't something always wrong or always right and for me the end justifies the means. I did my best, I hope I went deep enough.

Patrick first started creeping on you entirely because of your physical appearance

Kind of struck him as the type of person who likes to act crazy, rather than someone who actually is crazy, but likes that better than actual crazy because it gives him the opportunity to test the fuck out of your limits

Legitimately experienced euphoria-level joy when he saw red hair, blue eyes, crazy eye-shadow, and shaved-headedness all on one person, and decided he needed to “get a taste” of you as soon as possible

... Which eventually led to you guys actually getting together, because ya’ll are two fucked up peas in a pod

Patrick traded you one of his old lighters (but not the sacred Zippo lighter) for your chain necklace when you guys first got together

Half because he wanted people to know that you were his, half because he wanted to choke you with the chain during sex from day one

He becomes the permanent light for your chain-smoking habit (lights every cigarette you ever smoke, hands-down)

Friggin’ loves that you’re not clingy

Will sometimes tell you about other people he wants to fuck, so you can rate them together

The judgement is real, though - you’re both basically Simon Cowell when it comes to sizing other people up, and just end up roasting most of them into oblivion

It’s a bonding activity though, so yay (?)

Also insanely turned on by the pictures you draw, and sometimes asks you to draw specific people from school so he can use their decapitated naked bodies as jerk-off fuel

Also likes that he can mess around with other people without having to sneak around...

... but would literally kill you if you did the same

Seriously - you can give Patrick all the freedom you want, but you don’t have any freedom whatsoever where he’s concerned. You’re his girl.

If you test this limit, there will be serious consequences.

You guys kill insects together all the time and he loves it oh my gosh

He’s never had the opportunity to kill with someone who actually enjoys it before, and he’s on the darkest version of cloud 9 you’ve ever seen

Legitimately starts to take a big chunk out of the time he spends with the guys, because he’d rather be in the woods fucking up Jiminy Cricket with you

Always leads to insane, animal sex in which you just get fucked right out in the open (sometimes pounded against a tree, other times held down on the ground - orgasms galore either way)

Gets more violent with you than any other partner though, because you get his killing instinct hot and bothered

You get burned, scalded, cut, stabbed, choked, slapped, bitten, scratched, and drowned all within the first 3 months (and we all know homeboy is just getting started)

Eventually starts trying to goad you into killing bigger animals with him (”Come on, princess - you’re tellin’ me you’ve never wanted to move on to bigger and better things before?” *Gets all up in your personal space, grazing your lips with his* “That doesn’t sound like the heinous bitch I know...” *Peer-pressure filled Hockstetter grin*)

... But will settle for the insects if that’s really all he can get

Still surprises you with a cat or a rabbit once in a while though, and expects you to watch him kill it even if you won’t participate

Doesn’t give a fuck about your OCD issues

Actively tries to trigger you by mixing your food around on your plate when you eat near him, and by messing up your counts when you try to repeat things a certain number of times

Sometimes even tries to inspire new irrational fears by telling you you’ll probably die if you don’t count this, repeat that, etc.

Both because he finds it hilarious, and because he thinks your temper is sexy af

High-key rubs himself through his pants every time he sees you break out into a fight with someone

Screams anything he possibly can to rile you up more, so you’ll mess the other person up even worse than you originally planned to

Will 100% use your concerns about always looking your best against you when he gets angry though (”Dressing like a whore won’t help you, sweetie - you’re still the ugliest thing I’ve ever fucked.”)

For the most part though, gets a big kick out of his relationship with you

Moves on when you reach your batshit crazy limit for the time-being...

... but starts hanging around you again at random points throughout your life

Because of your unique traits (i.e. because you killed with him, and because you generally don’t give a shit) you’re a “toy” he’ll never get fully bored of

Expect a random Hockstetter visit at least once every 4 months, even after you guys split up

#henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #belch huggins #victor criss #The Bowers Gang #the bowers gang headcanons #it

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deathordecaf · 6 years

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A (not so) Brief Introduction

Hello to you, entirely hypothetical reader!

My Name is Alessa —or rather that is the name I will be using for the sake of privacy. You see my intention with this blog is two-fold:

To share the information & tools I have learned regarding mental health, in an accessible format for myself, those like me, and those who wish to simply satiate their curiosity.

To keep a record for reflection on my personal journey, in an attempt to provide myself with some perspective on my conditions and appreciate the progress being made, as all too often we are blind to our progress when we need to recognise it most.

As such some of the entries here may be, well, personal. This may not be just so for me, but to those close to me as well. So for the sake of privacy pseudonyms will be used.

But enough waffling! This brief introduction is rapidly growing in length, so in no particular order here are a few key things about me that may provide context to myself as the narrator of this blog:

I am 25 rapidly approaching 26 —making me practically a fossil in Tumblr terms

I come from the land down under

I have a very Australian attitude to swearing in that I often fail to notice I’m swearing at all. Those who to umbrige to so-called “strong language” may not appricate my liberal usage in writting.

I was Diagnosed with Generalised anxiety & OCD at approx. 15yrs

I was also diagnosed with ADHD (ADD at the time) and like many 90′s kids (particularly girls), my parent did not take this to be a legitimate concern and neither treated nor informed me of my condition before they themselves forgot that incident entirely!

I have been on and off a number of antidepressants since my GAD diagnosis. Predominately SSRIs with a couple SNRIs threw in for good measure.

SSRIs and SNRIs show mixed to no results until I was in my early 20s when the newest pills on the block would (after making me disoriented and sick for a week) make me feel fan-fucking-tasic! For About a month or so before my inevitable plumment into my realisation, once again, that i was in fact human garbage & hiding under my desk until the fear subsided in another few month.

I do not like taking SSRIs; it’s not them, it it’s me.

I was bullied ruthlessly in primary school In an attempt to escape the constant bullying we tried changing my school, this was an abject failure and I returned to my previous school and dealt with the bullying I knew.

By the time I reach high school I developed a 0% drama policy, made A number of close friends

I took a Gap year after high school, to really wallow in depression for the first time and ensure that I cut with as many of my social ties as possible, before they realised the truth that i was actual human garbage.

Despite not correctly completing enough qualifying subject in my senior year of High School to apply for university; I took an “alternative pathway to study” test the year following my graduation and scored in the top 5% percent of participants and then enrolled in an art programme in University the following year.

I began a perpetual cycle of dropping in and out of university and working until I became frustrated with my lack of direction or purpose, then returning to study again.

I studied Sociology partially because it interested my and partially because I thought I was to emotional to study psychology like I wanted.

I realised I would never leave this cycle without ongoing professional help.

I was sexually assaulted and had a complete mental breakdown and finally sought the help I needs.

I was now suspecting my Dysthymic + GAD +subclinical OCD combo I’d been labeled with was less than accurate and went to a Psychiatrist for a differential diagnosis

I was was diagnosis with ADHD (again, but this was news to me) and my Psychiatrist agreed the after somewhere in the vicinity of 6+ variety of SSRI was a good enough sample sizes to say they were a good Fit.

I begin taking dexamphetamine (for ADHD + off label depression treatment) and Mirtazipine (for anxiety + chronic insomnia I have had since childhood)

Thing start getting better

Now here’s the “good” bit

I have a job a love

I’ve decided paying for education is for suckers

I’m planning to start a new business to run while working this current jobs (i already have 2)

I’m working on two art projects

My partner and I are living together for the 2nd year so I now know he won’t leave randomly (because that’s definitely NOT a thing i have immense fear around as a result of a number of traumatic events that I’m pretending to not be effected by)

I’ve finally committed to being a vegetarian

dropped 10kgs

I’m hardly sleeping

I’m bursting with amazing ideas

Secretly convinced I’m going to change the world or at the very least Australia (because I’ve got to be “realistic”

I feel amazing, people love me, I love me

So because I’m finally “normal”, i decide i don’t need therapy anymore I’ve decided I CAN BE MY OWN THERAPIST JUST AS WELL!

I’ve even done the “responsible” (please read: deluded) thing and doubled my Mirtazipine dose myself (with out having to waste my doctors time) to help me sleep again, although this doesn’t work so I start combining it with alcohol to knock myself out (this is also increasing)

I’M FINALLY MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?!

I am depressed

I am more depressed than I have even been

I am not eating because I don’t so the point

It takes me an entire day to sit up right

I keep trying to work, but it’s poor, the stripped my hours back to nothing

I’ve been thinking of hurting myself to try and let the negative feelings out, but i settle for writing nasty thing about myself on my skin and hiding them under my clothes as a reminder that I am human garbage.

We can no longer afford our rent so we move in with my partners parents.

I go to the general practitioner near by she doesn’t want to write a mirtazipine script but does, she asks if I’m okay... I confess I had planned on killing myself a few night ago while visiting my father and his new family and that I only stopped myself because I couldn’t guarantee my three half siblings wouldn’t find my body and be traumatised. I confess I still want to hurt myself and that a feel I am a burden. She wan’t me to go to the hospital immediately but I talk her into a referral instead on the provisor i check in a week later.

At first i hide the for my partner but I confess what happened and i week later i’ve packed my bags and gone to the hospital.

It’s a mess, they ignore me, constantly forget my name, and take my medication away until they can confirm with my psychiatrist that i’m telling the truth. At first all I do is sleep

I don’t realised it but this stress triggers another hypomanic episode, and as I am clearly no longer depressed... they let me go. They don’t notice I’m on a power trip and intentionally making them uncomfortable by mentioning their mistakes in front of my family and laughing about it to my partner.

The goes on for another two week i’m increasingly annoyed by people telling me to pace myself “can’t they see i’m fine?”

Until I experience my first mixed episode. I have never been so scared of myself in my entire life

I’m completely unhinged. Even my partner with all the patience in world sits beside me as body is wracked by sobbing and says “maybe your right. maybe you’re not going to get better” a little part of me dies.

But I’m determined, I’ve spent to last few months actually taking care of myself for the first time in years. I’ve gotten back in contact with my psychiatrist and see hm once a week.

We had concluded I have some degree of Bipolarity and c-PTSD in addition to the ADHD and anxiety.

My mirtazipine has been increased again and Yesterday I’ve started taking Limotrigine and a mood stabilisers

I’ve begun a DBT course (which is part of a university trail to verify the affectivity).

I’ve started learning to embrace slow routine, monitoring my moods and have been drinking in all the possible information I can on my condition

This bring us to now.

I’m still a work in progress but I’ve come a long way and I’m already doing so much better than just 3 months ago. I have decided I will study Psychology like I’ve alway wanted. But I’m not rushing myself to be ready and I will do limit myself to three subjects at a time instead of the typical 4.

Until then my goal everyday is to do 4 simple things:

Ride my exercise bike for 30mins a day

Water my plants as I’ve started a small garden to ground me

Shower once a day

Always to my meds

So that’s an overly long overly intamate look at me... so how are you?

#intoduction #bipolar #bipolar II #cyclothymia #cyclothymic #mental health #biography #tw:suicidal ideation #recovery #mental health recovery #hope #i want to get better #baby steps #death or decaf #me #personal

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autisticsheith · 6 years

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“slav has been greatly and painfully misunderstood by this fandom” - a manifesto, by me

Okay, this started in a fandom saltiness discussion on — in which I literally said, “I AM ALWAYS UP TO BE SALTY ABOUT SLAV.… More specifically, about how fandom treats Slav” — so that’s where it’s coming from, and I have done very little to clean it up after copy-pasting.

TL;DR: The VLD fandom tends to treat Slav as either hilarious or completely above reproach (sometimes both), which annoys me — because he actually is a fascinating character (at least, he is to me), and I dislike the way he is boiled down to either a joke about, “LMAO SPACE OCD!!!” or turned into a “~pure precious cinnamon roll uwu~” who only resembles his canon counterpart kinda vaguely, if you tilt your head a bit to the left and squint

As a character, I think Slav can be fascinating because, if you actually examine his actions? He is a fucking dick

He’s a reclusive genius who has the intelligence and skill and talent to get away with being a fucking asshole, and yes, he clearly has SOME kind of issue (whether it’s ““space OCD,”” literally seeing all of the possibilities in alternate realities, or some cracked out combination of both)…… But he also isn’t an ~uwu precious cinnamon roll~ and his legitimate issues are not an excuse for the ways that he treats other people (which are largely abysmal)

Like, let’s get this out of the way: Slav is not completely ignorant of how the fuck social cues and nuances work, the way that I’ve seen some people try to say of him in fandom. He picks up on them pretty well, actually, and he figures out exactly why Lance mistook Laika for Slav when Lance had spent however long with her, only hearing her go, “YUP!!” and didn’t put two and two together

So, it stands to reason that Slav KNOWS what he is doing and KNOWS how to act in ways that DON’T make everyone get pissed off at him — but he CHOOSES NOT TO ACT LIKE THAT. Instead, he CHOOSES to act like a big bag of dicks and make everyone else do things his way, even when his way is obstructive as Hell and slows everything down

And let’s be real: Shiro had to all but bodily drag him out of Beta Traz, even going, “Hey man, we’re working with the Blade of Marmora to take down Zarkon, we need you” didn’t get him up and at’em at first, and Slav fought Shiro about everything, every step of the way.

Consider this: Slav fought to stay somewhere that he was constantly tortured and pumped for information that would be used against and used to oppress the people of the entire known universe because he was so completely certain (despite acknowledging, when it’s convenient for him, that there are infinite possibilities and things could always go in so many different ways) that fighting Zarkon was a lost cause and didn’t want to be bothered. He is so certain that he is going to die that he doesn’t even want to TRY (“Oh noooo, even worse. In 98-and-three-one-hundredths of a percent of realities with a prison break, I DIE.”)

When Shiro shows up to break him out, he tries appealing to Slav as a potential rescuer (”I’m here to rescue you, I’m a paladin of Voltron”).

That fails, so he tries appealing to Slav out of some belief that Slav might care about the life and freedom of the peoples of the known universe (“What? We’re finally going to stop Zarkon. We have the Olkari and the Blade of Marmora on our side. But without you, we can’t do it.”)

Slav only finally relents because the Blue Lion can emit a frequency that falls within his lucky range of terahertz — and even then, he fights Shiro every step of the way, about absolutely everything

While Shiro is, y’know, putting himself on the line and risking death to save this asshole who he just met and doesn’t even know for sure can help (—which, yeah. Ulaz is trustworthy and Shiro cares about him, and Kolivan clearly backs up his recommendation if saving Slav is so necessary to the plan. But Shiro is still going on hearsay rather than direct evidence, and he doesn’t really have a choice on that, but still. He is risking his life for an asshole who might not even be all he’s cracked up to be, because Shiro believes that Slav is necessary to take down Zarkon)

And then Slav gets going with the, “YOUR ROBOT ARM IS FANTASTIC DON’T YOU WANT TWO OF THEM” shit

Just. Oh my god. I get it, he doesn’t know how Shiro came to have that arm, but COME ON. It’s understandable that Shiro might not appreciate that shit, and Slav is so flippant about it because thinking about other people’s perspectives or experiences is not a thing that he cares about doing

AND THIS! IS!! AN INTERESTING!!! CHARACTER!!! (to me)

Slav is interesting because he’s an asshole. He’s someone you would only put up with if you needed him, because he uses his intelligence to make himself totally necessary and uses his legitimate problems to generate enough fucking sympathy that people feel bad about trying to argue with him

It isn’t even entirely the fandom’s fault when we mischaracterize him, because Show treats all of this as funny — and okay, yes, I laughed at some of it as much as anyone else did because Josh and Iqbal Theba sold it with their voice acting — but if you take a closer look at what Slav does and how it affects the people around him, literally none of this is fucking funny

And he clearly has the potential to NOT BE THIS GUY, because Mirror!Slav is a badass. Yeah, he still talks out his ass about alternate realities — and apparently he does it enough for Sven to be Exasperated by it, but Mirror!Slav puts himself on the line to save other people (both when he tries to help the Paladins and in general, as a member of the Guns of Gamara)

Mirror!Slav LISTENS to people — like, yeah, he’s all, “None of you have ever rescued me from any goddamn place” but in that particular scene, he isn’t exactly acting in a way I’d call unreasonable. He and Sven just wandered into five armed, unknown combatants who started babbling about Sven being some dude called Shiro AND one of them is Altean, when the Mirror!Alteans are an evil empire (and she’s the spitting image of their evil empress from 10,000 years ago)

But then, when push shoves, he listens to what they’re saying and makes the same, “OH GOSH YOU’RE FROM AN ALTERNATE REALITY” conclusion as Pidge, and HE CHOOSES TO TRUST THEM. Sven is the one going, “dude are you sure about this, it’s dangerous” while Mirror!Slav is all, “If they’re really my friends from an alternate reality, they are probably cool people and we can probably trust them, now let’s go fuck shit up for the cause of galactic freedom”

Mirror!Slav tells the paladins to get the Hell out of dodge while he patches Sven up when Slav Prime is That Asshole who, after the big fight with Zarkon when they have no idea if Shiro and Allura are going to be okay, is all, “IT’S COOL GUYS, I’M OKAY” (“Oh great, Slav made it” — Lance, being 5,000% Done and rightfully so).

Slav Prime is also the one who refuses to let Shiro step on a crack because of some infinitesimally small chance that it MIGHT break his mother’s back IN SOME FUCKING REALITY — NOT EVEN THE PRIME REALITY SPECIFICALLY, BUT IN SOME REALITY. And the one who refuses to go on one of Shiro’s alternate escape routes because you can hear the water running — it isn’t even running into the escape hatch, there is no direct risk of drowning, but OH MAN you can HEAR the water running!!! and Slav is afraid of drowning

Thing is? I get it. Triggers suck. I have triggers of my own. I have dealt with panic attacks, OCD, intrusive thoughts, and so many other things that the fandom likes to attribute to Slav (whether there’s a good case for that in canon or not) — but when it comes to triggers? Sometimes, they are unavoidable and you have to deal with them, and yes, it fucking sucks, but you CAN do it.

An example of a moment when enduring the triggering material and dealing with it would be helpful? When the fate of the entire known universe is on the line and you are obstructing the fight for freedom and peace by being a difficult, egocentric asshole who expects everyone else to cater to you

This is basically where my characterization of Slav in the latest chapter of my fic came from. In my AU, he’s…… well. A difficult, egocentric asshole who gets annoyed when people don’t give him what he wants because Fuck You He Is A Genius, Y’all Just Can’t Keep Up, and he wants Shiro to be his friend because he actually acknowledges that Shiro is kind of a genius in his own right, but Slav just…… Doesn’t Understand

(Read: CHOOSES NOT TO UNDERSTAND)

[this is where @dratiniquest chimed in to say that my take on Slav is kind of like the fusion of Rick Sanchez and Sheldon Cooper]

He doesn’t/chooses not to understand why Shiro doesn’t agree with a life philosophy that basically boils down to, “I am a genius, therefore I should get what the fuck I want, when I want it, and everyone should just agree with me unless I acknowledge their genius, everyone else is too small-minded to keep up”

He also doesn’t get why Shiro…… has no desire for “greatness,” like?? You are a genius, Takashi. It is so rare that Slav acknowledges this for other people, so you are pretty amazing. Why don’t you want to do great things

Shiro: “……Because I already tried doing that out of loyalty to the grandfather I was named after, and it made me miserable and eventually suicidal (whether actively or not), helped me develop an eating disorder, kept me in an abusive relationship that almost killed me more than once, and landed me in rehab for alcohol and opiates at twenty-three. Greatness is overrated”

Shiro: “I just want to make my music, stay sober, keep not hurting myself, maintain the relationships I care about, and someday, wake up next to the guy I love and be able to genuinely mean it when I tell him, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is’”

Slav: “……………freaking weirdo”

Also belatedly: yes, Slav kind of is a fusion of Sheldon and Rick, like. He’s a Fluorite level fusion. Sheldon, Rick, Slav Prime from canon, a little bit of Mirror!Slav, and my conspiracy theorist father.

[and then the conversation kinda turned to yelling about how Sven is fine because he got to the space hospital and anyway, the point is that Slav is really interesting in canon, but oh my god, the majority of fanon!Slav is nothing like how Slav acts in canon]

#vld slav #meta #headcanons #slav #fic: but boys spring infernal #characterization #mirrorverse #shiro & slav #mine: meta #mine: headcanons

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ricocheting-paper-planes · 6 years

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Okay, I’m going to ramble a bit because I’ve noticed that a lot of people have been self diagnosing themselves with various anxiety disorders without speaking with a psychologist about it. First of all, I’m going to define what anxiety actually is- anxiety is a natural biological response to new or potentially dangerous situations that manifests itself in the form of heightened awareness and a sense of unease.

It’s completely normal to have the occasional bout of anxiety when meeting new people, making an important phone call, or doing a presentation. Everyone experiences nervousness- that does not mean you have an anxiety disorder. It means you’re a human being with human emotions. Anxiety can turn into a disorder when it interferes with your ability to function in your daily life. This is a sense of unease that doesn’t go away. It is a sense of fear that is disproportionate to the situation.

If you’ve ever taken a psychology course, you’ve probably been told by your professor that you should not, under any circumstances, diagnose yourself. This is because it’s impossible to view yourself and your symptomology in a completely objective way. Also, the phrase “anxiety disorder” is an umbrella term for various conditions, such PTSD, OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, etc. While they’re all classified as anxiety disorders, they’re all wildly different from each other, and each diagnosis requires a different treatment. Now, before I go on, I want to add that I understand that there are situations where one might suspect they have a mental illness, but they don’t have the resources to get this confirmed. Self diagnosis might be helpful when figuring out how to deal with your symptoms until you’re able to access help; however, you should regard your range of symptoms as something that falls under the umbrella term of an anxiety disorder rather than diagnosing yourself with a specific disorder- because symptoms tend to overlap.

My frustration with people who self diagnose without the intention of speaking to a mental health professional stems from the stereotypes that get perpetuated as a result. For example, there is a huge difference between being shy, and having social anxiety disorder. A shy individual might feel inhibited when first meeting a stranger, but once they warm up, this sense of inhibition goes away. An individual with social anxiety disorder can be friends with someone for YEARS, and still have severe anxiety when they feel like they might have said something wrong, or ‘made a fool of themselves’. That is not normal. It isn’t normal to have a panic attack over having to eat in front of people, or because you had to talk on the phone.

This next section is a lot longer than I meant for it to become, but in it, I explain some of my personal experiences with anxiety. I’m definitely oversharing, but I want to open up a dialog about mental health. Feel free to skip it, because the above rant sums up my entire point.

Whew, my favorite part. I’m going to share a bit of my own experiences with anxiety as I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD/CPTSD, Panic Disorder, and Social Anxiety Disorder. While I’m at it, I’ll also share a little bit about my experiences with Major Depressive Disorder, because this adds a new dimension to my diagnoses. (Yeah, I know, I have a cocktail of mental problems. The ADHD also adds an interesting dimension because anxiety and ADHD are very hard to differentiate. AHHHH. Don’t worry, I’m getting treated for these.)

I’ve been having panic attacks and depressive episodes since the age of 8. The first time I woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, I legitimately thought I was going to die. I couldn’t breathe, I had sharp chest pain, my mind was going 10000000mph, I was sweating, shaking, and hyperventilating. It sucked. I had NO idea what it was, but I started getting them every night. After about a week of this, I decided to do some research and figure out what the hell was going on with my body.

I found some medical books in the bookshelf and began my investigation- finally concluding that I either had a heart condition, or asthma. As the panic attacks continued getting worse, I became more convinced that I was going to die, so I avoided talking to my parents because I didn’t want to worry them. (I HATED being the center of attention.) I finally wrote a letter to my mom when I was around 10, because it had been two years, they were getting worse, and I wasn’t dead yet. At that point, I got pulled out of school and began homeschooling, which had its pros and cons.

Nightly panic attacks do a number on your circadian rhythms. I had always been a hyperactive kid (ADHD yo), so I never took naps. Once I started getting nightly panic attacks, I barely slept. I remember nights when I would stare at the ceiling for hours, anticipating when the next ‘heart attack’ would occur. Needless to say, this severely inhibited my ability to function. I didn’t realize that I might have an anxiety disorder until I was around 11.

To backtrack a bit, I started developing severe social anxiety at around the age of 9. I think this was due to being bullied in class (it took me YEARS to admit that the treatment I received was NOT my fault. And I still fight that. But because I feel the need to justify my reaction toward bullying, I’ll give you an example: I loved dogs. My classmates would tell me extremely graphic stories of torturing and killing dogs). And other negative social situations.

While I feel very stupid citing bullying as the reason for my development of social anxiety, I want you to know that these situations made a huge impression on me. I didn’t know what a healthy friendship looked like until I was around 14. Even then, I still have to remind myself that I don’t deserve a toxic friendship. This sounds funny, but I think that these previous experiences contributed to how I eventually ended up in an abusive relationship.

Anyway, I’m going to be a bit more concise from here on, because I’m going into a bit too much detail. My panic attacks occurred multiple times a day, and a constant anxiety loomed over my head, because I never knew when an attack would come on. My social anxiety was so bad that I would beat myself up for weeks over stumbling over my words at the grocery store, because I could barely hold myself together. Holidays can be very triggering for me due to past experiences. (By the way, I hate the casual use of the word ‘trigger’. When I use that term, I don’t mean “holidays make me uncomfortable”, I mean “I get extremely depressed and borderline suicidal around the holidays when certain triggers come up”). There are periods of time that I literally can not remember because I was so disconnected from the world around me, and my depression was so bad that, for years, I thought I was incapable of feeling any positive emotion. It got to the point where I was desperate to feel ANY emotion, even the negative ones. I fell into some extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms in an attempt to gain some semblance of control over my life- and the consequences of these mechanisms still affect me (not to mention, I still have to avoid falling right back into them when I’m stressed).

I guess my point is, diagnosing yourself with an anxiety disorder because you occasionally feel uneasy discredits how life altering these disorders can be. If you suspect you might have an anxiety disorder, please seek help once you have the resources to do so. I waited until I was 18 before I finally gave in and started going to therapy. I could have avoided a lot of pain if I started going to therapy when I was 8, and clearly in need of it. Although I still deal with this crap, I’m doing so much better than I was before I started going to therapy. Therapy is a PAINFUL process, but it’s completely necessary.

Bottom line: It isn’t trendy or cute to have an anxiety disorder.

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askmadampresident · 7 years

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((This is a mild PSA about some recent drama, If you’re honestly sick of it, trying to avoid it or don’t want to hear it go ahead and skim right by this, otherwise I personally don’t want to just ignore this, but after this post, this ask blog shall move on resume as usual, continuing with the latest M!A with Prez getting slapped for every stupid idea :3))

((for those wanting to read on it’s all under the cut, and all of it is ooc))

I’m going to be honest. I’ve thought about this for awhile and I legitimately do not know how to phrase this no matter how much I think about it so, I’m just going to ramble and share my thoughts and hopefully not offend anyone.

Alright, heeere we go, moment of truth, moment I’ve been dreading for two days

alright for those of you going what the hell lemme give you a breif rundown of the situation: As brief as I can put it, this recent thread sparked quite a bit of controversy in the discord under the accusations (none of which I deny, let me make this clear) of unnecessary angst and lack of proper tagging.

I don’t know why but my brain is going into speech and debate mode so I guess i’m formatting this like an LD round argument now, but essentially I’m going to go over my defense, the counterarguments against my defense, and finally a summary to conclude

welp defense time. In my defense, I’ll address unnecessary angst first and foremost, while I do admit that thread was going overboard the way I RP is I am given a situation, or some sort of stimulus essentially, be that an ask, a thread, an M!A, an IM, etc, and what I do is I react as the character to said stimulus. The argument can also be made that I did not need to reply to said thread, that at the sight of it going overboard I could have stopped, BUT you see, the thing is I honestly can’t not reply. I have 4 prominent mental disorders, one of which being OCD, which I was very recently diagnosed with. Whenever there is a thread or a message or something and it doesn’t feel complete and it’s my turn to respond, I HAVE to respond, otherwise it can sometimes bother me for weeks on end. I don’t mean to use my mental disorder as an excuse, since that is just honestly a dick move and because either way I am still at fault, I still made the choice, even if my mental disorder caused my decision to lean toward one side more so than another. The argument could also be made that I did not have to write out that scenario and that I could have had Prez do something else, but you see, doing that would actually bother me more than not replying. Because it really, really rEALLY bothers me when I don’t play a character as accurately as I can, and it just feels so ooc and I just cannot stand that feeling at all, so I suppose yeah I made my decisions, and yeah, in retrospect they were wrong, but I honestly wouldn’t have done anything different now because it would really bother me, call me selfish, but that is how I feel.

Okay I’m just re reading this and whoops looks like I’m doing the counterarguments on the way oh well, it works

As for lack of tagging… I have no excuse, I completely forgot and that’s all there is to it. I mean I have the classic defense of “You could’ve just not read it” But that’s just dickish and shifting the blame on others which I will NOT do after a lot of people have thrown blame around ann it just… it disgusts me, all are at fault in an argument, it’s not just ever one person and if you disagree with me on that then please do not talk to me. We will never see things eye to eye if that is the case, and I would rather not have all that conflict in my life. Anyway, that defense is really just rude and I do not have any excuse to defend myself with so yeah I just outright forgot and I apologize. In the coming days I’ll be getting to work trying to tag what I can but please if you want me to tag you triggers please tell me what they are so I can tag them, otherwise I honestly won’t know.

On that topic please allow me to at least explain why I space about triggers since I believe everyone at least deserves the chance to see a story from both sides, but if you don’t want to hear it just skip over the next paragraph.

I’ve got two things here to address, my lack of triggers and my accidental habit of spacing about tagging things. As for my unfortunate habit, remember how I said I had 4 prominent mental disorders? One of which is bipolarity. I’m currently having a passive manic episode, and for those who aren’t familiar, having bipolar means having episodes of mania or depression that can last months on end, it’s not just a thing that happens and is gone in a day or two. As for why it’s important that I’m in a manic episode, for me this manifests on inability to focus on one thing at once, I have to be doing 10 things at a time or I can’t focus and get extremely bored extremely quickly and make extremely stupid and impulsive decisions, essentially I cope by doing too much at once, and unfortunately, that translates to me missing small details and sometimes large ones, and in this case that translates to forgetting to tag things, then remembering I forgot later, only to get completely distracted before I can, repeat. Then my lack of triggers… yeah this is ‘fun’, and well my manic episodes also come with minor suppression of empathy, so I at the moment cannot understand people who get triggered easily (in my depressive episodes I understand all too well and it affects me greatly then, but during a manic episode all that empathy boils down into sympathy which is something else and not completely synonymous with empathy, especially when talking in psychological terms) as well as a second factor here which is that a third mental disorder I have is severe anxiety. What does that have to do with it? Well you see I’m extremely strong willed by nature and well over the years I got reprimanded so often that I wound up sealing myself off, I made it so that nothing got to me that way I wouldn’t be anxious anymore, and as such the lack of triggers, or at least that’s the theory my therapist has. Nonetheless there are a few things that still make me breakdown in terrible panic attacks, where I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I can’t anything and I get violent if anyone tries to touch me. Such an attack nearly occurred when this discourse initially started, due to one of those few things being reprimanded by not one but many people I respect. I spent the next two days off of social media and trying to not fall apart, and only just succeeding.

AGAIN the fact that I have mental disorders in NOT to me a valid excuse for my actions! I still chose to do it and I accept full responsibility for any pain I’ve unintentionally inflicted, and I hope to do all I can to prevent it next time. If there is a next time, I do hope not.

All in all, I’ve spent two of my evening writing this, part of me being angry and upset about how this went down and because of the respect that I have now lost for some of the people whom were involved, part of me wishing preventative measures had been taken such as alerting us that we were going wrong beforehand or getting on our case about taggs early on, and part of me, the logical part, is jut ready for this to be over, but also knows that if I don’t publicly address it I’m pretty much digging my own grave, and seeming like I do not care or am a coward for not getting to this, of which I am NOT.

I thank those of you whom have read this far and listened to my little unorthodox part apology part summary part rant, because honestly it means a lot that you’re putting the time in to look at something as long as this since I believe that everyone should be allowed to know the full story before continuing on.

Well that and the fact that this is literally the blog of the biggest politician in gloomverse I’m surprised people actually care so much about it.

So thank you once again, get ready for more content momentarily~!

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mightybigpill · 7 years

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UPDATE.

HEADS UP AF. I know I’ve had a post I’ve been queuing and reblogging in regards to the fact that I’m lowkey on a mini hiatus until I finish my commissions just because things have been so chaotic lately. Once I do return however, I’m going to be putting a lot of changes into place and ideally, I would very much like to throw the following things into gear.

PRIVATE & EXTREMELY SUPER EXCLUSIVE. As much as I want to write and interact with everyone, I legitimately cannot do it. It stresses me out. I feel bad not following people back, or not being able to take on threads, but I am a very fickle writer. I need to have chemistry with someone, and be interested IN their character and the plot at hand. Too often things can fall flat and they become obligations. And... I have the things I enjoy most with people I talk to often, so even if I am digging something sometimes, but we don’t talk or plot, it’s easy to lose track and I feel bad about it, but sometimes I need that friendly little reminder (which typically is triggered tf when I’m talking to my peeps).

I MIGHT UNFOLLOW YOU. Okay real talk, I follow under 40 people and it’s way, way too much. If I’m following you RIGHT now however, there is literally no one I’m following out of obligation/to not start drama, therefore if I unfollow you, PLEASE DO NOT THINK I HATE YOU. This community is hella dramatic and chances are, i’ll probably end up following you on one of my other blogs, but when it comes to who I actually INTERACT with on here. Given recent circumstances + shit that’s been going around, I feel like this NEEDS to be said because guys, seriously nothing against any one of you. But if we don’t have threads, or it’s been weeks/months since we talked, I DO purge. (It’s not you, it’s quite literally me and my OCD.)

REFRESH THE FUCK OUTTA SHIT. That’s what I’m going to do. I need to get a new layout on here, hopefully a new commissions page (aka @nocturnedesigns) if I can finally get it updated because when I moved blogs, that was LITERALLY the purpose of keeping things separate, but alas, I’m trash once again. It’s coming, and I’m not going anywhere.

GOOGLE DOCS OR BUST. Memes aside, I’ll be doing EVERYTHING on Google Docs. I can’t be bothered with icons, or super fancy formatting, or keeping track of who owes what. Let’s face it, shit ends up in the drafts 98% of the time with me, and in the drafts it will remain. GD allows me to focus on purely writing, and since I’ve made the switch, I am literally so much happier, and have been writing far more than before. It’s nice to not have an audience and people scrutinizing, because sure, some things get posted once they’re complete, but I’m not writing for followers. I never have, and I never will. Another one of the reason I switched blogs because my former was approaching 700 followers and that was CRIPPLING to me. I fucking HATE it. It’s pressure, it’s not fun. I know some people put their worth and validation into the amount of followers they have, and that just makes me so sad because... Fam, if you’re not a shitty af human being; you’re dope and don’t ever let a GD number define you (Not only that but your follower count is never accurate because deadblogs, porn accounts, ect, like why does this number matter so much?)

VERSES GOTTA GET A FACE LIFT TOO. I’m going to actually try and get a verse page set up for Negan. I’ll still keep the one I have and link to it for ref, but the main verses I’m writing in constantly are going to get updated af, bc I love them way too much. I’m also going to be ditching a lot of the old ones.

#DID YA TREAT HER LIKE A LADY? { OOC }#DON'T MAKE ME GET THE IRON. { PSA }

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qanoor · 7 years

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oh great, now I've gone and gotten triggered again about pedophilia / ephebophilia / minors and consent to sexuality / minors in sexual fantasy thing again. I really should just not read certain kinds of csa posts (largely white & western-oriented) sometimes. I don't know. It's so frustrating, this endless thing where people decide that, for example, 16 and 17 year olds are just never capable of consenting to sexual interactions with adults, or that adults who have these encounters are definitely predators.... besides the obvious arbitrariness of the minor / adult distinction, it's just. I don't know. it seems like a lot of abuse survivors cling to certain generalized notions of what counts as "predatory behavior" in order to legitimize and validate their experiences? ugh. like i get it but it’s such a harmful ideology

I'm exhausted by this, and I do feel that it is a kind of violence to have to obsessive-compulsively go over every possible thought I could ever have to the point that I have too much anxiety to even be around kids and teenagers most of the time -- this perseveration, this proliferation of intrusive thoughts and ideas at the level of bodily feeling (I still don't know if the way I immediately wonder if I'm feeling aroused, in a very bodily sense, and the sense of -- am I feeling this arousal, what does it mean, is it arousal or hyperfixation on genital feeling or what! -- when I have an intrusive sexual or violent thought about a kid is some kind of bodily learned anxious response to any kind of sexual thought like my therapist seems to think or if it really is evidence of pedophilia or, worse, predatory desire -- the two *are* different).

And I don't think I would have developed the intense OCD I have around this stuff if the world wasn't so fucked up around issues of desire and age, if there wasn't such an automatic conflation of pedophile/ephebophile and child molester, if norms around child/bodily/mind development weren't so oppressively universalized, if the arbitrary minor/adult distinction wasn't so terrifyingly upheld to the suppression of youth rights.... I'm so exhausted -- this constant contemplation over whether my body is diseased in some sick, deviant beyond deviant way, this constant fear that I will never get over my anxiety about being around minors and kids, that I will forever just seclude myself off for the most part, well, not extremely, but more or less, that I will never trust myself to have kids or care for kids, that I will always return to the stereotypical "what if I put my baby in the microwave" type of OCD fear and be like, in my mind, "I'll raise you one further," always make it worse, worse, always imagine sexually and otherwise violent carnage in my head worse worse worse,

and I am so angry that this world -- that I have learned to treat my every thought, my previous writings, even sexual fantasies I had as a younger person while masturbating that I may still have, as occasion for scrutiny, as heresy -- I don't know. I'm perseverating right now over how the last time I masturbated I kept chasing away thoughts about a story I read that had a fourteen year old in it exploring his sexuality in a slightly typical and cringeworthy teenage-guy way (but it was also a bit subversive) and I was worried about being aroused from that and then I had this thought of "well what if I just imagined him older" and I was like, no that's not good enough, that's a really creepy thing still!!! and worrying about how true it could have been or not been to the author's experience, chase these thoughts away away, and then returning to some staple fantasies in my stories in my head I've had that did involve a sixteen year old girl who was also kind of a version of myself but then she was fourteen in one story and then, like, no, sixteen is the youngest I'd permit myself to still fantasize about, and still, even so, even past orgasm, worrying that this is wrong (for that matter; is it wrong to fantasize while masturbating about sexual experiences I had as a teenager??! or my exes who I knew when we were teenagers??)

I could go on about this a lot, and I do, and I have, and there's the whole "fantasize about whatever you want; fantasy isn't the same as what you actually do" camp but then I'm like, what if that's close to child porn or something, and then, no, of course not, fantasy in one's head is just not the same as consuming media about (that is participating in and perpetuating) the sexual abuse of children, even fantasy that one writes (or even draws) about children is not the same as child porn that abuses actual children, but I'm always worried about the slippery slope, what if one thing leads to the other, what if I'm actually a pedophile or ephebophile (and this here is about stigma, about not wanting to be that which is abject, even if it is not actually abusive, even if desire is not the same as violence), and my therapist saying it seems like I worry about all of this a lot but don't seem to actually experience pedophilic desire (and this is probably true; I don't think I really do -- even when I fantasize about teenagers, and usually fictional teenagers, it is those who are quite past puberty -- although this makes me worried about when I have found actual teenagers attractive, and my therapist saying -- within a normatively age-dependent sexual framework, as opposed to pedophilia etc -- it makes sense to find bodily developed teenagers attractive when they really don't look much different from adults, and the thoughts I chase away chase away chase away the fantasies I don't allow the intrusive thoughts that make me stop masturbating or do I just make that happen? the fear that I must stop or change or chase away otherwise it's real, I am a predator) ah, the on and on of it.

I don't know how to escape -- and at the end of it all, there's a part of me that's just like, here I am, a twenty six year old queer femme complicated survivor, feeling guilty for much of my life for thoughts and ideas and impulses I don't carry out, for yes fantasies too, for stories I have written that involved dubious consensual sexuality at times, or large age gaps, when I didn't grow up with the cultural rabidity around age difference that -- I mean, to some extent yes but also no, and so much informed by my own crushes, and now as an adult, this idea that one should -- what, create some kind of artificial "cutting off" of all that one has been and fantasized about, the same OCD fear again that a thought itself, and especially a pleasurable thought in any way, that an activity that doesn't actually harm anyone *could* somehow... and just imagine all the fucking assholes in the social justice world who'd be after me now! if.... and I worry, every time, each time, that it is wrong, I am wrong, and still -- I don't know, I lose memory or grasp every time of -- and I don't know how to talk about this fully and coherently enough --

and I don't know, I have definitely done things with sexuality that I wouldn't do again or that I would do differently, such as being verbally/emotionally sexually pressuring or harassing in some cases of partners or friends I had unrequited feelings for. and, years ago, or before I got more caught up in the murky (non)consent of this, secretly (??) masturbating in the same room as roommates when I hoped they were asleep (and I do still have a lot of complicated feelings about this as a general thing, which I could go on about too, but I wouldn’t and haven’t done it in years because I worry a lot and don’t feel okay about it), and oh god that time in the same room as my mother while she was busy, and I hope not other times with my parents in the same room but I can't remember. and sometimes I feel the need to catalogue every fucking thing and I can't remember everything and -- I sometimes try to have some compassion for my past selves, like realizing that I had a lot to learn about how to be clearer about consent (but I should have! known, or -- I don’t know, cultural complexities, and being at war with it here there everywhere, and the excuse that that can turn into, and is it an excuse here? I just don’t know! I--), or also realizing that I have been quick to ‘exaggerate’ (perhaps) my mistakes and perpetrations, but then worrying that what if I’m actually under-exaggerating, I just don’t know I don’t know, and -- sometimes I wish I could remember every single fantasy I have ever masturbated to so I could list them in various degrees of culpability and shame, for I have gotten off to things in my head, or erotic stories, that I wouldn't really endorse -- and this whole endless question of age in fantasy -- I don't know I don't know I don't know I do think the (particularly) western & western-influenced social justice world is cruelly and needlessly hypervigilant, endlessly mired in scrupulosity and punitive surveillance, and I used to buy so much into it & I still do -- I am afraid of the abjection beyond abjection, that I am it -- and I don't know, I still -- and I'm sorry if I -- am wrong -- and this is one of the main reasons why masturbation and sexuality are so fucking hard for me, it's difficult when your brain is a constant fucking bomb of intrusion?!?!?!

as always, if anyone does think all of this points to my being predatory in some way, please just tell me, i would rather know than not know, please don’t spare any details

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scriptshrink · 7 years

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Critique of a Certain Cracked Article - The Bad

Oh boy. So we’ve seen the myths about mental illness that Cracked got right, and the ones that were partially correct but mostly wrong. Now we’ve reached the ones that legitimately reduced the Shrink to incoherent screaming.

Lock and load, Shrinky-dinks. I’m taking no prisoners.

[Gif: The Winter Soldier loads a grenade into an attachment on his assault rifle while murderstrutting.]

[Cracked image: The charming psychopath is everywhere // Pictures of Negan, Walter White, Dexter, and Loki // They won’t stay charming for long. So many TV and movie villains are portrayed as charming ladies’ men. Even Walter White’s sex life improves after he starts cooking meth. There’s Negan, The Joker, Dexter, Patrick Bateman, Billy Loomis. The truth is, antisocial personality disorder causes a laundry list of symptoms that make a person impossible to be in a relationship with. // source is from the mayo clinic]

...Why is Loki up there? I am confused.

Anyways, people with antisocial personality disorder are very good at manipulating people. They can be very fucking charming, and very fucking good at it.

And I hate the phrase “laundry list”. Guess what? You don’t have to have ALL THOSE SYMPTOMS LISTED to get diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.

You just need three. Let’s pull three from the list of criteria, shall we?

They lie, manipulate and con others for their own personal gain.

They’re impulsive and don’t plan ahead.

They are consistently irresponsible, don’t fulfill things expected of them, and / or can’t hold down a steady job.

I mean, that certainly describes an asshole, but “a person impossible to be in a relationship with”? Hardly.

[Cracked image - Adrian Monk suffers from OCD. // picture of Adrian Monk hiding behind his turtleneck // Actually, no, he really doesn’t. It’s easier to remember what Monk is not afraid of than what he is. He lists germs, needles, milk, death, snakes, mushrooms, heights, crowds, elevators, public speaking, and airplanes, to name a few. The thing is, that’s not obsessive-compulsive disorder. Those are phobic disorders, which are not related to OCD at all. Actual OCD involves a crippling dependence on repetition and rituals.// source is chicago tribune]

OKAY. First off. A fear of public speaking IS NOT A PHOBIA. It is a part of Social Anxiety Disorder (Performance Only).

Also, OCD does not fucking REQUIRE compulsions. YOU CAN HAVE ONLY OBSESSIONS AND STILL HAVE OCD. (See my demystifying post here!)

AND GUESS WHAT? ADRIAN MONK HAS COMPULSIONS.

Performing a ritual because of a fear (such as excessive cleaning / handwashing due to a fear of germs) is a COMPULSION.

Look at literally the first time you see Monk IN THE FUCKING OPENING CREDITS OF THE SHOW.

[Gif - Adrian Monk is walking down a street, and touches a parking meter without looking at it.]

You’d think, because he’s so germophobic, that he would avoid touching those things. NOPE. He has a compulsion to TOUCH ALL THE POLES that he passes when he’s walking.

Sure, he has phobias. BUT HE HAS OCD TOO.

One last note.

Those are phobic disorders, which are not related to OCD at all.

Hmm. Yes, that’s correct. Phobias are anxiety disorders, and OCD has its own category. I’m not sure why this is sticking out to me so much. But I’m sure it’ll be important later.

[Cracked picture - In Fight Club, the narrator has a split personality. // image of the narrator and Tyler Durden // That’s not how multiple personalities work. Those with disassociative identity disorder don’t just wake up and realize they’ve been living as another person. They don’t always know about the other personalities, and don’t black out and live as another person. Amnesia and fugue states do happen, but what you see in movies is writers combining them to suit their narrative.// Source is from mayo clinic.]

[Gif of Hades nearly being literally consumed with fiery rage, but calming himself down saying “Okay, fine, fine. I’m cool. I’m fine.]

It’s “dissociative”, not “disassociative”. We’ve had this talk in the last part, Cracked. Do a single goddamn google search so you know how to spell the goddamn names of things.

This part of the takedown comes courtesy of Maxx, one of @dinosaursindisarray’s alters:

DID isn't personalities, multiple or split or anything. That’s not just outdated terminology, it's also an incorrect description, because the alters aren't personalities at all, they're functionally other people.

“Those with DID don't just wake up and realize they've been living as another person.”

k, well, sometimes, they do.

Like, the person might not realize it as it goes on, but then something triggers an 'aha' moment (for some people) that make the symptoms more overt and noticeable, either to the person experiencing them or other people.

There could be a trigger that suddenly floods the person with enough memories to realize what's going on - memories of trauma, or bleedthrough from other alters, memories of that alter being out, etc, and then the person has enough to do research and be like 'something is /wrong/'

[For us], it was like, one day after a lot of stressful shit built up over a couple of weeks, I came out instead of Month and because I was tired and cranky. Her friends noticed and asked about it, I told the truth, and after she came back, her friends were like 'so this thing happened, what the fuck' and Month's blackouts and dissociation started making more sense and she was able to contact a professional to be like 'what the fuck is going on'.

The initial realization did happen sort of at once, which isn't entirely uncommon, especially with psych knowledge more readily available to people. (that can lead to people mistaking shit and thinking they have DID when they don't, cause misinfo, but it's still easier for people who do have it to figure out what the fuck is up and seek help than it was before).

“They always know about the other personalities"

The entire point of DID and OSDD is to keep shit hidden. Keep trauma memories hidden from the everyday life of the kid so they can function and not fucking die. Keep symptoms away from others around the kid so that they aren't abused worse. So this shit is supposed to be kept separate, and if you always know about what's going on, then it’s not happening.

"and don't black out and live as another person"

Yeah. Some people do. Like, full memory blackouts while another alter is out might not happen all the time or with every alter, but it can totally happen with DID. Not OSDD as much, I think, but still.

There are certain alters that Month has NO memory overlap from. Others that she only gets one or two things, others she remembers most of it like watching a movie, others that she remembers it like she was there but really out of it, etc. It's not necessary for every alter every time to be DID, but if there's any amnesia and blackouts between alters (and with trauma memories) then it's DID criteria.

"Amnesia and fugue states do happen"

Yeah, amnesia is that blackout thing you just said didn't happen. Might not be a full blackout but like, amnesia. not remembering. sometimes that means blackouts.

And fugue states are dissociative, but that's a separate thing from DID. Can it happen to someone with DID? Yeah. Does someone have to have DID for it to happen? Nah.

Writers do combine and add shit and dramatize the fuck out of the wrong things (see: m. night) to suit their needs rather than maintaining fact, but yeah. everything else is p much wrong

Thanks again to Maxx from @dinosaursindisarray for taking over for that one. That gave me a nice little respite! Now let’s take a look at the last one, surely it can’t be THAT bad...

[Cracked image - In Black Swan, Nina suffers from a host of conditions. // image of Nina // Real people don’t have them all at once. The film gave Nina the ballerina a cocktail of disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, cutting, and obsessive compulsive disorder, then had her descend into psychosis. The problem is that they’re incompatible conditions. People with psychosis lose touch with reality. Those with anxiety disorders like OCD and anorexia are too in touch with reality. // source is abc news]

[Gif of the only thing that can adequately convey my rage: Tsar Bomba, the largest nuclear weapon ever created, exploding and forming a gigantic mushroom cloud]

Okay okay okAY OKAY OKAY.

The only way I can get through this is to go from minor things to major ones.

You are right about one single thing here, Cracked. You can’t be diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia at the same time. Congratulations. If someone has symptoms of both disorders, it’s either Anorexia with the Binge Eating / Purging subtype, or OSFED (other specified feeding/eating disorder, formally known as EDNOS - eating disorder not otherwise specified).

Okay. Next up. Unless you’re counting when Nina stabs herself with the glass shard at the very end of the movie, Nina never cuts herself. She scratches herself. But I’ll give you the smallest amount of the smoking ashes left of my benefit of the doubt and say you meant “self-mutilation” here, not cutting.

Those with anxiety disorders like OCD and anorexia

OCD AND ANOREXIA ARE NOT ANXIETY DISORDERS.

Besides, you just fucking said with the Monk one that phobias are completely unrelated to OCD!! PHOBIAS ARE AN ANXIETY DISORDER!!! AT THE VERY LEAST KEEP YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT LIES CONSISTENT!!!!!!!

On that note, where the fuck did you get OCD from in the first place??? There’s only two things I can think of that even vaguely qualify.

Nina’s compulsive scratching. But guess what??? THAT’S NOT OCD. THAT’S EXCORIATION (AKA SKIN PICKING) DISORDER.

Nina’s compulsive exercising. HELLO WHY YES THIS IS A SYMPTOM OF ANOREXIA.

People with psychosis lose touch with reality. Those with anxiety disorders like OCD and anorexia are too in touch with reality.

yhghgtfrrghyujuhnukjfgdcghgtfyughyhhjnyh

Sorry about that. I repeatedly smashed my head into the keyboard.

But oh my fucking god.

THE WHOLE GODDAMN PROBLEM WITH OCD AND ANOREXIA IS THAT THEY’RE NOT CONNECTED TO REALITY.

One of the fucking specifiers for OCD is WITH ABSENT INSIGHT OR DELUSIONAL BELIEFS, which means the person in question fully believes that their illogical obsessions are true, you fuckwads!

[[Shrink’s edit - a “specifier” is a possible subcategory of a mental illness. The DSM-5 also two other possible specifiers for OCD: “With good to fair insight”, meaning the individual recognizes that their disordered beliefs are definitely or probably not true; and “With poor insight”, where the individual thinks their disordered beliefs are probably true. It is a grading of severity, not a requirement.]]

Let’s look at a some fucking case studies here. Go ahead. Read them. I’ll wait.

Tell me, Cracked. Do these sound like people who are MORE IN TOUCH with reality?! Will a person really be transported into a mirror dimension if they turn on a light switch??? If they touch something, will their ‘power’ be stolen unless they touch it again multiple times??

Also, is someone with severe anorexia who still thinks they aren’t thin enough even as they’re FUCKING STARVING THEMSELVES TO ACTUAL, LITERAL DEATH “too in touch with reality,” Cracked???

[[Another edit: most people with OCD and anorexia are not at this extreme. But it is far more accurate to say that these disorders involve losing some touch with reality than saying that they are ‘too in touch’ with reality. Seriously though, what the fuck does “too in touch” with reality even mean???]]

Oh, and it’s not like there have been studies that don’t just say that eating disorders and psychosis can co-occur, but that they might be FUCKING LINKED TO EACH OTHER!!!

And now, my esteemed Shrinky-dinks, we come to the most horrendous part of this absolutely atrocious dumpster fire of an article.

Real people don’t have them all at once.

ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!?!?!?!?

Guess what, fuckfaces?

COMORBIDITY IS EXTREMELY COMMON.

Let’s look at this one study of almost 2,500 women with severe eating disorders. Guess what they fucking found?

97% had more than one fucking mental illness.

Ninety fucking seven percent.

[Image: “I made a chart since Cracked writers apparently can’t fucking read.” // a pie chart with a very small portion labeled Only ED, and the overwhelming majority labeled More than one mental disorder.]

Schizophrenia and eating disorders may not be a super common combination, BUT IT FUCKING EXISTS.

PEOPLE CAN FUCKING HAVE MORE THAN ONE MENTAL ILLNESS!!

BUT I GUESS IT DOESN’T MATTER TO YOU SINCE THEY’RE SO CRAZY THEY’RE NOT REAL PEOPLE, YOU ABLEIST FUCKING SACKS OF FUCKING SHIT.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH

[Gif - The Hulk fucking annihilating Loki by repeatedly smashing him into the ground, which is what I wish I could be doing to the writers.]

Concluding Thoughts

If I seem calmer at this point, it’s because I wrote it before the rest of this article. I have no doubt future Shrink will still be screaming into the void long after the queue finally gets to this post.

Let’s take a look at how Cracked introduced this article.

It's a losing fight, going up against the myths pop culture perpetuates. But, dammit, someone has to do it.

That someone is obviously not you. Your writers are willfully ignorant and unable to do even a simple google search of the names of the things they’re writing about to make sure they got the spelling right.

You have failed to do the fucking most basic research possible.

A monkey in a library could do a better job than you, as there’s an actual chance that in randomly throwing pieces of its own shit, a book might be knocked off a shelf and the monkey might fucking glance in its direction.

Because left unchecked, people go around spewing every dumb thing they learn from clickbait articles movies and shows that are really just using mental illnesses to advance a plot and make a buck from pageviews, instead of teach us anything useful.

You made a few typos. I fixed them for you.

So, dig in, because it's time drop a knowledge bomb on your ass.

How fucking dare you.

You are not “dropping a knowledge bomb” on us. This article is nothing more than a fucking whoopie cushion. We sit down, all excited to see myths about mental illness being exploded, but are instead given a bunch of hot air that sounds like people’s ass cheeks flapping together.

Fuck you, @cracked.

I hope your pageviews tank. I hope you have to take on so many advertisers that your readers can’t even see your content anymore. I hope no one ever submits to your ‘contests’ again, forcing you to have a staff member make up all the entries for you. I hope your heads get so stuck up your own asses that you don’t even notice that your website has been spreading malware to your readers like the cancerous bullshit your content truly is.

Oh. Wait.

Like my torment and suffering? Support me on Patreon.

#cracked #cracked takedown #shrink gets mad #misconceptions #myths about mental illness #debunking myths #lock and load #black swan #fight club #ableism #dinosaursindisarray #this is not psychological or medical advice #this is writing advice #best of scriptshrink

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