#why i kept putting it off

[adecila]

Tw infertility

#i have this thing where i keep hanging onto objects because i attach them to a certain moment in my life #so they end up in drawers and boxes little buried treasures for me to find #we changed our nightstands. and i had to go through my old one #somewhere in the back of my mind i must have known why i kept refusing to go through it #why i kept putting it off #underneath the knicks and knacks and the highlighters and all the pens #and some old medicine and post its and even some buttons i thought id lost #were 6 pages neatly folded. meant to be forgotten because i just couldn't throw them away at the time #every tracked cycle. and every measurement of my ovaries and ovules neatly documented. with a complete list of meds and supplements #because ofc i was being pumped full of those too #every failed iui tracked to the very last detail--to the hour #so here i am on the floor of my bedroom 5 years later staring at those 6 pages #proof of the worst days of my life #it's funny because i kept telling myself then that there would be a point to it all to all the pain and the tears and the prodding #and the only way i could push through at the time was write 'failed :(' next to each cycle #and now i still feel like a 'failed :(' person #on the very last page there's still 'failed' written next to it. and you can tell there used to be a :( too #but not anymore because over it theres a heart in black and blue pen #and i have no recollection of it but it must have been me #and on the corner of the same page i seem to have written 'it's ok' #not that i remember but it is my handwriting. and it is the way i draw hearts #i guess i've always got me #im sure there's some deeper message here but now im feeling the post-cryimg crash #and i have stuff to arrange #I've added a trigger warning just in case #i still dont know what to do with my 6 pages #love you. it's ok.

[xo-romiiarts]

Post episode 4

#satosugu #geto suguru #gojo satoru #my art #fan art #I kept thinking of that Nakamura interview saying how in ep5 Gojo did notice something was up with Geto #Made me think Gojo knew something was off but couldn't quite put his finger on it yet #his new advanced six eyes would feel his energy is not as steady as usual #but his lack of understanding of others emotions wouldn't quite let him fully comprehend what is #At the end he would believe him that everything is fine #why would he doubt him #but you know how things go

[chippuyon]

Kazurei week day 2 - [First] Game

#oh my god so much shit happened and i kept putting off posting this #this was originally for day 1 but i moved it up #also reis first game was sonic gens why cause i said so #buddy daddies #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #kazurei #kazurei week 2023

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

#hellsing #alucard #kouta hirano #translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent #fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online #i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443' #but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands #the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake #anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool #if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first #and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf #i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia #then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point #but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page #and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. .... #i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh #the hellsing brainrot runs deep #also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491 #except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo #the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002 #which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out?? #i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch #sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less #it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was #maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'

[why-the-heck-not]

26.08.23, saturday

today was what we like to call "productive procrastination" aka the rest of my life is in shambles but I now have a clean kitchen

#cleaning is the best procrastination thing #also cleaning the kitchen is my favorite chore #idk why but it's so damn satisfying to me #did a deep clean today like emptied cupboards and cleaned and sorted them out also #but hey that assignment & exam that's due tomorrow?? how about maybe doing something for that?? just a thought tho #(it's a very small easy course that i was supposed to do the very first year bc it's like the basics of ''this is how u use terminal'' and #like i know that so i've kept putting it off bc boring as fuck but i should get it done still (it's mandatory)) #studyblr #bookblr #booklr #aesthetic #books #study #reading #read #book #studyspo #chaotic academia #dark academia #august 2023 #2023

[mayxo-hxh]

I personally think that Kikyo would absolutely be thrilled that Illumi found himself a man he wants to marry as strong, handsome and fit to be Zoldyck as Hisoka.

Hisoka is strong enough to be considered an equal to a zoldyck, which means strength is no problem for him. And I don't know about you but the way he assassinated that terradin man that was threatening to reveal illumis identity at the end of the election arc? CHEFS. KISS. THATS A WHOLE ZOLDYCK WIFE RIGHT THERE. And Hisoka is a certain type of fucked up enough to be a Zoldyck, even if he is... mmm.. self aware. Even if he himself thinks zoldycks are a special kind of fucked up. He'd fit.

I always see people make silva and kikyo disagree with illumi marrying hisoka but i soooo heavily disagree. Like what is there NOT to be proud of in Illumi's marriage choice. There is not a single other character IN THE ENTIRE ANIME fit to be Zoldyck than Hisoka Morow and I will fight people on that.

Something a lot of people also don't realize is that the Zoldycks are not a family that discriminates in the slightest (this is a whole discussion on its own but examples are how Kikyo is from meteor city, the butlers are taken from anywhere as long as they have the skill to work and one of the people who attacked kukuroo mountain to hunt the zoldycks now works for them instead. The zoldycks didnt hesitate to hire that mf they fr dont gaf lmfao)

there are soooooooo many misconceptions about the zoldycks in general and i think thats what aids the whole "the zoldycks would HATE hisoka" thing but like. nah. they wouldnt.

I also think about how Kikyo found Silva at such a young age. I bet she was constantly nagging Illumi and asking when he'd get a partner himself. Now he's got it, Millukiiii ITS YOOOURRR TURRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!

#some people would say “oh theyll hate him when they meet him!” but why though. #“the way he dresses!” ?? so what. have u seen the way the zoldycks dress lmfao. their son is literally twinning with that magician #“he'll make it weird” Ya Allah no he fucking wont 💀 people base this off a very fanon characterization of hisoka. #Like no he wont moan out of nowhere because theyre a powerful family he already knows that buddy. #hes kept it in multiple times before in a muted reaction please stop making it seem like hes a man with no self control i beg lmfao #Surprise surprise Hisoka acts weird on purpose when he puts on a show because thats how he wants to be percieved #but hes very self aware and knows whats considered weird and disrepectful and certainly wont fuck it all up for him and illumi for 0 reason #me when i finally get to marry the love of my life and i fuck it up because i decide itd be quirky and the fans want me to #hisoka is a much more calmer and quiet person when hes not purposely being weird and thats what people dont want to accept #anyways rant over #whewwww thats a rant and a half lmfao #I wish hisoka as a character was given more analysis and study than the 3 scenes that make him popular #anyways. rant TRULY over. here are the normal tags #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hisoka #hisoka morow #hisoka zoldyck #hunter x hunter #hxh #my post #i feel like if i mentioned how hisoka has adhd on here id get thrown pitchforks at. #let alone the fact that hes very asexual coded #i dont really feel safe on this website at all to discuss any of this yet lmao #people literally laugh when you say hes shy when its literally??? a canon fact stated by hisoka himself?? and backed up by many scenes???? #but i dont think i ever will feel safe here tbh. i just have to. do it. and fuck it whatever happens or whoever laughs at me. #just like ive done on twitter for years until ive finally created a complete safe space for myself #secret rant at the end because maybe nobody will look here

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

[cinimuffin]

Made it two weeks at least

#I kept putting this one off and ended up making it over the last 2 days #aurorus #pokemon winter #pokemon #ice type #rock type #random palette pokemon #kinda eh about this drawing #I mean a decent amount of my random palette pokemon could use some more work #but I also don't wanna #I started using the colors for shading and whatnot cuz my friend Live was doing that #so I figured why not

[finncakes]

"Nana lied to us. She hid the truth. She wrote the letters. She gave the gifts. Our parents ran."

listening to ExU after everything makes it 100% more painful! you should try it!

#critical role #exandria unlimited #fearne calloway #the worst thing is fearne follows this by saying 'i don't think you're telling the truth.' #god #i know the feywild door is yellow and orange glitters but i started the piece with cool tones so it looks off with those colors #also...maybe unpopular opinion but #i think this whole part may have been either the spider queen or morri's way to get fearne to put on the crown/come back home #cause i think morri might be a hag...of some sort. and she's clearly possessive of fearne so #idk i don't think it would be a reach for her to be extreme in her attempt to get fearne to come back home #also. this fight is exactly why i think fearne was right not to raise her hand. #she saw a fake evil version of her that actively tried to persuade her to betray her friends and she kept saying no #and when the spider queen offered her power if she wore the crown she said no #she may be chaotic and unpredictable but she would never hurt or betray the ones she loves #i genuinely can never see her attacking bells hells but...i might be alone in that ! #<- if she ends up doing this at some point i will be GENUINELY surprised #i feel like the group would have to be actively attacking orym in order for her to do so #i will keep it at that :) but i have a lot of thoughts abt fearne

[mazojo]

Damn I wish love was a real thing that happened to real people in real life

#soulmates literally only exist for this two like damn why can’t it be me #I AM THE WORST I KNOW I ONLY NOW FONISHED S3 ALSSJWK I KEPT PUTTING IT OFF BC I KNEW WHAT HAPPENED AND I WAS CATCHING UP TO OTHERS #Literally insane bc I love this arc anyways lied tloml kept slaying!!!! #I miss purson :( #asmodeus #iruma #m!ik #mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #anime

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

Lowkey i ate with rhis actually no i didn't i ate wirh rhat ENDER EYE Why is it so rendered Hello

IGNORW RHEIR UGLY UGLY DESIGNS This was before they switched to their iconic Skins past e didn't know......

#loosely based off of this old thing it's under the Cut #origins smp #beeduo #beeduo fanart #idk what other tags to put i cant put C because this isn't C this is O..... but like do people even check those tags idk #actually no im scared i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals i dont want to interfere with their character ecosystem i was #only there for the first one😅 #i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY #DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM #IR EAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE thats all i remmeber ANF ALSO RNE can i call you senpaaiiii bit thay shit h #ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its #been wayyyyyyy too long #BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise #bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹ #had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop #yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭 #ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really #wanted to share ok i love you bge #WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED #RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like #water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT #ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I #VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB #OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be #Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON #SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub #lic had to say.... ok Now bye

[victimized-martyr]

to what degree do you think Cartman will grow to be a better person?

According to Trey’s commentary in Tsst, it doesn’t take much: Discipline, a firm male figure in his life. And now, implied by the end of Pandemic Special and towards the end of P.C, time away from friends who enable him are the ingredients for a better Cartman.

As little as it takes for him to be grow, it’s also just as easy for him to regress. Liane giving in on one occasion reverted what was months of firm parenting. A stagnant Kyle in P.C spurred Cartman’s paranoia, and reverted him back to his scheming 10 year old ways. He thinks he’s being talked down to and self sabotages out of spite at the end of Future Me. I think also a contributor to his Cartman-ness is how South Park itself doesn’t let him stay good for long, meager as his attempts may be on occasion. He’s the adults’s scapegoat (Bass to Mouth) as well as the Kids’s (Good Times With Weapons). the kids encourage Cartman to retaliate against Pc principal instead of letting him accept detention, and they smash his things while he was sincerely attempting to be PC.

Anyways, Cartman’s demonstrated he can be good in PC— he’s the father he never had, a loving (perhaps overzealous) husband, embracing the religion he’s constantly belittled.

While it was one off gag in Future Me, Cartman was inspired by end of the episode to study and work at his appearance. His future-self was proof that if he really wanted to, he can turn his life around.

He has the capacity to come to to right conclusions, (“should I just apologize to my friends and ask them to take me back, and tell them I was being a selfish jerk? Admit I was wrong and ask for forgiveness?”) He just… doesn’t have the discipline nor the humility to do so. (“Nah, screw that! I’m just gonna keep being a fucking dick!”)

At this point, we’ve experienced both extremes of the spectrum of goodness Cartman lies— his worst as a homeless drunk, the bastard boob-job narcissist he is now, and his best as a self made millionaire, or a family man devoted to his faith, or the obedient little boy who does his homework before school and eats a gay ass grapefruit for breakfast.

It isn’t a question to what degree Cartman can be good, because he’s shown to be good in various ways. The question is whether Mattrey/ the town of South Park will allow him to realize his potential. Given the very recent circumstances of The Hot Dog… well, it remains to be seen.

#south park #why do i keep doubting if I answered the question right hfkfkfj is it just me #is it my wordiness and tendency to go off topic jfkfkf #I had a whole section of how Cartman’s growth is dependent on Kyle’s #and Kyle’s lack thereof in PC was enough to destroy 40 years of Cartman’s growth overnight #well that and… I don’t think PC Cartman ever got closure or ever reflected on his obsession with kyle #but i took it out bc it ended up becoming very Kyman-y hfkfjd #eric cartman #asks #He CAN be a super fit and mentally healthy millionaire and he CAN be a happy family-man rabbi #but I think Mattrey might put him somewhere in the middle #Maybe still a family man bc it’d resolve his whole drama w/ being fatherless and coming from a broken family #and Trey’s a bitch for happy endings #but also fucked up endings too so maybe he’s a loving family man that’s at the same time a scheming bastard jfkfkfj #firmly kept in check by whoever is insane enough to keep him in check #i’m trying. very hard to remain neutral and Trey centric rn

[cerealmonster15]

hi. i posted my fankids earlier so now welcome to cereals caterella multiverse chart kjlfdsjklfjs click for better view but also my handwriting sucks and i made this in like 2022ish in the privacy of discord dms so ill do my BEST to retype all the words and explain under the cut as much as i can/remember LET'S GOOOO

god where to even start. hi. ummm ok so caterella, for general context, is something i'd see around occasionally in people's fanarts/theories/aus/etc of cater being in a cinderella role, i think inspired by him talking about how he has 2 older sisters that are kinda bossy.

over time i went into the madness. and i cannot commit to one idea so i just have Several and this was my attempt to "organize" lol. cater is the protagonist in all of them, and not everyone is a love interest, it all DEPENDS!

oh i also wrote in the bottom right corner: * they can all be in standard au [i think i meant like, canon compliant lol] but some are specifically here w/one specific story involved (????) (IDK LOL)

let's start with... [im gonna rewrite the text but also add bits for context lol]

"That Guy" Trey:

unassuming love interest

usually not actually a prince [some of these aus are actual royalty aus i guess lol]

"bake :) or bff" <- i think i was trying to say he's a baker and if he's not a love interest he might just be in there as cater's supportive bestie.

line to cater: either bff -> lovers or baker for a red herring prince surprise romance [??? girl help decoding my phrasing here is gonna be so hard]

underneath i wrote (or secret prince?) but i dont think i ever explored that possibility lol

i always have to explain why i keep calling trey "that guy" lol. it's cuz in the original jpn twst, during the scalding sands visit event, when cater was announcing he invited trey to come, the fan translation said cater was saying something like "and who's caykuns mystery guest? it's THAT GUY!" and then trey appeared or something lfdskf i dont remember exactly but i know he was called That Guy and so my friend and i were calling trey That Guy for sooooo long.

ok so i think what i was trying to say for the most part is that trey is a friends to lovers surprise love interest in scenarios where the main plot makes you THINK the love interest is a fancy prince, hence the "red herring prince" comments. i have a google doc that mentions this that ill copy/paste after i get through each person's general primer but for now let's move on!

"Hornton" Malleus:

he is lost + confused

secret prince

✨mystery✨

another green guy

line drawn to cater: prince not invited to leona's party, solidarity w/cay?

^another storyline i get into in the google doc lol. i think this one is specifically an actual not nrc AU where cater is trying to go to a prince's ball and leona's the one throwing the ball lol. we'll get to that!

i dont talk about it here but i also had an au based off a song i listen to [tir a nog i think?] where malleus is a fae prince from an enchanted forest and cater's sick of his everyday working life and wants to run off to a fanciful land, meets malleus, malleus wants cater to runaway with him back to his fanciful forest and BE HIS BETROTHED or whatever lol. i have a few doodles of it somewhere and i still think about it sometimes

the really long outer squiggle line is drawn between malleus and leona on the chart and just says GRRR lol, they have beef which we will GET TO LATER and i mean also canon beef lol. u already know that.

"Fairy Godmother" Lilia:

cryptic support to mal and cay

knows things but will withhold lore for a more interesting story

mentor to malleus

basically like regular lilia lol hes a bestie and a mentor and a wingman depending on the situation. i think in the cater going to the ball au in one instance he is more of a literal fairy godmother support, other aus he is more figurative lol like the supportive bestie!!

[im going in mostly clockwise order but i def wrote these out of order when i made it so thats why the numbers are off LOL] [i skipped idia but i put him in way later/last so ill get back to him sdfjklds]

"...Fairy Godmother 3" Azul:

contract wishes

😒

line to cater: hires @ mostro lounge to fund the 'date vil' campaign which leads to [jade route]

i go more into this in the google doc also but i actually made a post about that one ill link it in a sec foooorrr.....

"Mushroom Man" Jade:

not a prince

standard universe

secret, unexpected love interest

line to cater: bonding while working together; the vil goal is slowly forgotten in favor of new bond with jade (alt angst if cay still goes for vil)

ummm teehee. i go way more into detail in THIS POST HERE where i doodled the concept out and talk about it more

"Shitty Banana Prince" Leona [SORRY FSKLJDFJDSKLFJ]:

red herring prince [as in hes usually not actually a love interest but is there to make you think he is but it's actually someone else's route]

sometimes just here to be divorced to someone when it's funny [i think im talking about vil and malleus mostly here lol]

the banana thing is bc how in twst canon, grim calls savanaclaw "bananaclaw" once and after that my friend and i have forever called them the banana boys ksdlfjdls it has nothing to do w/the aus

anyway the line from cater to leona: forbidden crush on prince he doesn't actually know, leading to another route (usually trey)

other line: alt: DIVORCE(lol) <- i didnt elaborate here but i have to assume i was talking about the concept idea i wrote in THIS POST about cater/leona being bitter exes/having had a summer fling making things awkward in book 2....

i have since started liking leona/cater a little less ironically lately [tbh i dont think it was ever ironic i was just in denial lol] so um. id probably have mentioned it here if i made this chart later l o l

oh also the line between him and vil: also sometimes divorced ♥

ok moving on for now!!!!!!

"✨Sparkling Prince✨" Vil:

standard prince/love interest

sometimes a red herring in other routes

other times more of a supporting pal w/connections

exes w/leona when it's funny

cater -> vil: fanboy crush ♥

vil -> cater: slow, tsundere crush lol

rook & vil: "lol do u like him?" + ♥ <- ill explain in rooks section hang on lol

once again stay tuned for the google doc shit vil comes up there too lol dsjklfjdslf im so glad i found that doc before i started this bc i forgot about a lot of it. ANYWAY

"Fairy Godmother...2!" Rook:

line to cater: cryptic support

vil's pal, but his partner in non-vil routes

knows all. ALL.

:)

jskdljfdskl so ya rook is like #1 supporter in the cater/vil romance routes, but bc i love rook/vil also, in any cater/someone else routes, rook is probably dating vil instead/eventually lol bc i LOVE THEM SO MUCH anyway.

rook has so much lore but just like lilia hes weird about it. he cant just TELL YOU things outright. where's the mystique. come on now.

"Prince Charming" RSA OC... I have not named him yet <- I hadn't named him til after i made this chart but THIS IS CHAR!!!!

standard au

childhood au

potential red herring

char -> cater: had a crush on cater as children; thinks meeting again is fate

cater -> char: ??? were each others first kiss as kids, but what does it mean now 🤔 [i was being ambiguous on how cater feels about char lol. he may or may not return the feelings depending on the branch]

i go WAAAAAAAAY too deep into the au in THIS POST. Dañarte didn't exist yet when i made this chart so he originally wasnt involved but he sure as hell made his way into the narrative later lol.

i started writing actual story during nanowrimo but dear god it's such a task. idk if i will ever post that or if ill just forever do random lore/doodle posts, and i if i did start posting it, it would be a very casual multichapter sandbox zone for me lol. very messy soap opera energy. we'll see.

anyway i dont remember how much i mention it in the post but char was also i think potentially there to be a rival for other characters. like oh nooo prettyboy from rsa is here to sweep cater off his feet, u better act fast!!!!! jldkfjklsdjfkldsjf i love being corny. anyway moving on,

"Fairy Godmother 4" Kalim:

platonic prince pal [uhh idk if i meant that in some of the aus kalim is a prince, or if this was way back in the early days where i still had misunderstood kalims family and thought he was a prince lol]

connections and money

confused, but spirited

line to cater: bestie nooo don't text ur ex- <- i have a very specific memory of a doodle i did of cater, i think in pop music club, taking out his phone and going "im gonna text my ex" and kalim running for his phone going "BESTIE NOOOO" and i maybe was referencing a meme sorta??? or just a vibe idk. multi layered. anyway idr if i had a specific ex in mind here [it was maybe leona????? bc i DID write that alt:divorced thing for cater and leona.]

it ironically does fit in my char branch once i came up with the shit with dañarte as cater's ex lol but ik that's not what i meant here bc like i said, he didnt exist yet at this time!!!

ok much later i added in idia lol

"MARSHMALLOW fae prince eppa lol" Idia:

aw man i didnt write any notes here LOL but that's ok i know what this was about. this is also the forbidden marshmallow thing i mentioned on the fankids post earlier today sdkjfjdskl

anyway. i maybe mentioned it here once idr butttttt marshmallow eppa stuff. that's a lot of inside jokes my friend and i stacked over time

marshmallow: a few years ago i was drawing cater x various ships loosely for white day bc i didnt get a chance for valentines day or something? idia's thing was giving cater a marshmallow lol. so we have a lot of jokes about idia leaving anonymous marshmallows for cater and cater being like aw man i dont even like sweets. who is doing this to me kflsdfjsl

eppa. ummm. when i was trying to come up with char's name, one of the possibilities was eppa. but my friend came up w/the idea i think of idia having like a fake rsa prince persona that cater falls for, instead of char being a real guy [i split the aus instead lol] and that inspired me to write a little bit based on that idea. i explain it a bit and also posted the [unfinished] story chunks in THIS POST. it would eventually have a happy ending i just didnt intend to write the whole thing so it ends a bit awkwardly here LOL i only wrote a little bit

ok NOW i can talk about the other google docs. kdsjfkldsjkfl from 2 years ago.... ill copy paste exactly what i wrote [and only edit typos/autocorrects lol] and try to explain after if it's needed

[DOC START]

Something something cater wants to go to a party / ball / whatever held by Leona’s family or something. idk what type of universe this AU is exactly but shhh details whatever. It’s a fancy party with attractive people and cater wants magicam pics!!! Maybe also 2 find a prince to fill the lonely void in his heart lol, and Leona is the red herring prince that caters like “omg he’s dreamy maybe He’s The One”

Vil is there for some reason. Maybe he has an invitation as a celebrity guest and cater is begging him to let him in as a plus one? Vil says no and warns him not to try and get in bc guys like Leona suck anyway or something idk (blah blah leonavil divorce lol). Vil doesn’t even wanna go but he has to for his image , and tells cater it’s for his own good that he’s not taking him 🏃 

So caters pouty , and I think this could have different alternate routes. 

One route: he doesn’t find a way in but is curious anyway and finds himself going to the forest outside the venue and hears the jams and stuff, and he’s like “wow why am I so sad that I’d go skulk around the outside of a party I’m not even invited to” and he hears a Voice “you were not invited either, hmm?” And caters like AAAAAAA and it’s a mysterious tall horn man lol. Hornton tells cater that every year his invitation is claimed to have been “lost in the mail” but he’s pretty sure they just don’t send it bc he and the prince don’t get along.  Cater is about to ask how this guy knows the prince , but then the distant music gets all slow and sweet and the mysterious man asks cater to dance with him there in the forest ✨ 

Something something idk where it goes after that but eventually cater learns that guy is Also A Prince lol, his dream of finding prince charming fulfilled. Maybe sometime between meeting malleus and before the conclusion, lilia is the ~fairy godmother~ role of mysteriously befriending cater and being messenger between the two (thinkin about the role he plays in giving yuu that holiday card lol, stuff like that)

Another route: cay cay is sulking and goes to hang out with his good buddy pal kalim, who is this route’s ~fairy godmother~ bc when cater is all 😔 about the party, kalims like “oh! I’ll take you :) I was invited too!” And he buys cater a fun and fancy outfit to wear. 

But then ! Kalim learns that cater wants to go and meet prince Leona, and Kalim is 😬 bc Leona is. not the warmest guy in the world lol. But he doesn’t want to crush his friend’s dreams 🥺 so he has to think of a plan to get him off the Leona track!!! He goes to Jamil, who is like, idk his chef or whatever, bc Jamil knows Leona’s chefs too bc Kalim and Leona’s families know each other and go to each other’s events and hold joint events idk whatever blah blah lol

Anyway point is Jamil knows trey , I don’t know how that really helps anything tho LOL. I think Kalim is like “Jamil help me !! We gotta find other people for cater to talk to at the party so he doesn’t meet Leona and get his heart broken!!!” And jamils like “why does he wanna meet Leona. ew.” And kalims like idk bestie 😖

Anyway. They get to the party and Kalim is trying to introduce cater to every friend/acquaintance he has. Vil spawns a few times and is like cater 😒 I warned u not to come 😒 and caters like 😤 you’re not the boss of me vil!!! 

Cater also gets kinda drained from the tons and tons of people he and Kalim are meeting and chatting with. Jamil is lurking and watching like 👀 🤔 and goes to cater and offers to let him come rest a moment in the kitchen staff room and hide from the bustle of the party. Cater is flustered that Jamil could see he was feeling tired lol, but agrees anyway. 

They go and that’s where he meets TREY, who is there taking a break and idk just made tea that he offers Jamil and cater. They sit and chat a few minutes before Jamil makes a convenient excuse to leave the room and “check on something” aka just leave those 2 alone to bond lol. 

Something something they bond really well and dance together in the kitchen break room or whatever idk lol, cater gives trey his number, so operation distract cater from Leona is a success yaaaaaaay 

Maybe another secret route with vil, like surprise he’s trying to keep cater from Leona not only bc Leona Sucks but also bc he likes cater lol 🤫 

Not related to caterella at all really but too bad close enough it goes in the doc. 

Based off the Japanese version (🥲 eng twst whyyy lol) of that one story between cater and vil where cater says he thought about dating him / vil says dating him would be Expensive lol, au where caters like ok fine challenge accepted, cay cay finds a JOB and ends up… resorting to…. Getting a job at mostro lounge 🤧 to fund his date with vil one day lol. He probs bickers with the fish but also is maybe decent at it bc he’s a chatty boy so he’s like , a fun cute waiter people like having lol, and he’s used to having to work with riddle and the crazy queen rules so like, yeah I don’t think he’d LIKE the job but I think he’d survive, while also complaining to trey and riddle about it who are like “you willingly chose to do this” lol. Anyway plot twist vil was another red herring bc this was secretly a cater/Jade story all along WAHAHA. Idk just I think it’d be cute if they bonded over time working together lol. Coworker enemies to friends to lovers or whatever. Bonus points if Jade liked cater from the start but was just being a weird fish about it so cater was like “ah, psychological warfare, this one is my enemy”

[DOC END]

sorry i kept dunking on leona so hard LOL i think it's funny when characters have beef with each other and i especially love the beef leona has with both malleus and vil in canon skldjfkldsjf. ok that last part with jade is just the stuff that got mentioned in the post i linked in the jade section lol. but the other bits i think were ambiguous not nrc au but i didnt really specify the worldbuilding bc i mean... i wasnt writing a fic i was just having so many ideas LOL

ok we are almost done but while i have u here im just gonna copy past another doc from later that same year KLFJDSKLFJDKSL it's shorter and not really 'caterella' but at this point i kinda call a lot of my cater ship ideas caterellas lol

context i THINK i wrote this when i was falling asleep and also i was still kicking and screaming about using leona for stuff kLJFKDLSJFDLS SORRY I WAS SUCH A HATER and now i have like. a begrudging love-hate relationship with him. hes a bitch but he is a very interesting character 😔 ok i digress that's not the point here kfljdsflks ANYWAY REALLY QUICK CONTEXT the following doc was also bc i couldnt stop fuckin thinking about that flying class leona line where he goes "i caught a bird." bc like wtf. why. cat behavior. put it back u bitch. and then i also would think about how cater and leona both stand on their broom and are regarded as really good fliers. ok ok ok ok let's go

[DOC START]

UGH lol

Leona and the bird right. It’s joint flight class, Leona and cater are standing all cool on their brooms and caters trying to get a selfie, Leona’s like 😒 

Then Leona catches a bird for no reason, as he does, like a cat, and caters like omg ur reflexes are so cool LEMME TAKE A PIC PLZZZZ PLZ PLZ PLZZZZZ and Leona’s like fine whatever do what you want 

Cut to Kalim on the ground like omg I didn’t know cater and Leona were friends!! The second years are sitting in the grass doing stretches for some reason I guess lol. riddles like they’re not friends, wtf is he doing up there 😒 

Kalim checks his phone and sees the pic cater posted , and looks back up where caters still hovering around Leona and smiling, and he’s like OMG do u guys think they’re dating!!!! Did Leona ask cater out with this bird??????

Jamil’s like 😒 wtf why would he do that

And kalims like idk what else would he catch a bird for cater for!!!!!

By the end of the day the rumor shot through the school

Ruggie tells Leona but Leona doesn’t care , rumors are rumors

Then the tabloids are like “second prince Leona might’ve finally found his life companion?!” And Leona still doesn’t care bc tabloids are dumb and they’ll move on eventually when they realize it’s not true

But then Leona’s brother calls and is like “Leona! You didn’t tell me you’d found someone special?? I had to find out through cheka showing me an article online!!! When are you gonna bring this cater boy to meet the family??” And Leona’s like wtf 😠 so he goes to heartslabyul like “hey 😤 wtf is this rumor” caters like I didn’t do it 😒 you literally watched me post the bird pic and that was it, I said NOTHING of romance 😤 

Meanwhile lilia: oh my, you’d best find a bigger bird with shinier feathers before it’s too late

Malleus: [brooding sounds]

Azul: ……what kind of bird do you think Jamil likes….

Floyd: I know! But I’m not telling :)

Birds flock to silver like the Disney prince he is, people probably think he’s got a secret fiancé lol

NO I don’t know where this is going but I thought it was funny 

[DOC END]

fjsdlkfjdlks ok sorry this one actually needs some explaining probably bc like most of these docs theres a lot of inside jokeys/references to many convos we'd have on the characters lol

one point is that we used to joke about like, sitcom style rumors growing out of hand and SO fast. especially with the first years + kalim and silver, but i guess in this case it was the second years, with still kalim LOL jsdklfjds.

second i have many ships. i like bringing them up when theyre not relevant. i like lilia being an embarrassing dad and wingman for malleus. i guess malleus has a crush on cater in this scenario bc i have always LOVED cater/malleus lol.

of course i found a way to mention jamil/azul sjklfjdsljfdlsj i think my friend and i would also joke a lot about azul having a crush on jamil and being kinda jelly that floyd gets to hang w/him at basketball practice/floyd being a little bitch about that for fun KJFDSKLFJKDSLJF

bird proposals. it's absurd but i think these goofyass kids would believe anything if you said it convincingly enough. remember how for like 10 seconds ruggie and the other banana boys thought leona had literally turned into a tsumtsum. anything is possible.

ok dear god my hands are going to cramp ive been typing for like 2 hours. if anyone read this entire thing im very impressed but i highly doubt many people did LOL but that is ok 😌 just looking at the pictures or skimming is so understandable. so is scrolling away bc this was so long LOL OOPSIEEEEEE anyway. i finally got over myself. i have so may thoughts in my head at all times and im literally always bursting at the seams to talk about them. hi. hello.

ok bye KLFDJSLFJDSKL

#uhhh #cereal tries to draw #cereal writes #and also? #caterella #just so i can find this post easier. im sure ill be looking for it one day #and bc i link like 3 other posts in this one lol it's a good ref spot #lies facedown on the floor. do u understand why i kept putting off sharing this LOL #sorry if i missed any typos or if anything uhh. didnt make sense #probably a lot of it doesnt make sense LOL oh well I TRIED #but. i can always explain more. if needed jkfdlsjfkldsj #OK BYE FOR REAL

[deviantartidentitydisorder]

i tried posting on tiktok for like 2 months, one acc w just slide shows and one acc with my face. concluded i hated doing both of them

#unsurprising. i dont really like < why am i talking like this #IM NOT SURPRISED #i dont like showing off my face so i mean i was just like experimenting with what im comfortable with #my conclusion was i genuinely dont like most people on tiktok even when like kept to a really niche crowd #and also i cant be trusted to keep my fyp normal because im really conditioned to only hit like on posts that are like. super personal and #venty because of tumblr and then i end up making an echo chamber of delusion and its like AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHAHHHHHH #so it becomes a super nche community of ppl who all think the same thing and its like IF IM BEING PERSECUTED AND YOURE BEING PERSECUTED THE #WHOS FLYING THE PLANE?! #now i just look at ones my partner sends me. they know what i like #mostly small dogs #sorry my partner is so sick and usually theyre the one putting up with me talking their ear off and now ots all inside of me

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart #on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me #but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents #leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing #if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney #at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious #intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops #functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant #obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom #but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills #it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was #meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood #but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual. #i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more #we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week #its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die #so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her #computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to #before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the #feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird #unrelated

[blitheringbongus]

Can't believe Scar saw a rapidly approaching, dishevled mumbo and went "he's so cute." I need to run unorthodox experiments on them.

IKR SAME OMG

They’re literally perfect for each other <- delusional

But seriously they have so much lore together in my silly brain and the few interactions they do have (WHICH HAS BEEN INCREASING A LOT LATELY MAY I ADD) has been FUELING the fire rapidly and gods gods GODS do I have many thoughts about them

#literally making an illustration type comic on Mumbos whole vampire timeline #Scar will be next with his vex schenanigans.. #the worst part is I always cycle like three to five different backstory’s in my brain for these two I CANNOT decide #but now that I’ve written a short ficlet (that no one will see unless asked) abt a few scenes of Mumbos backstory I think I’m pretty set on- #-his part #Scar tho??? no clue #I have the Hotguy backstory (which I daydream about WAY too much) I have the apocalypse backstory. I have the single player raised by villa- #-gers for years and years cuz his mom dropped him off in the single player world when Scar wasn’t conscidered a player yet since he was an- #-infant cuz it was a teen pregnancy and she was too scared to tell anyone so she just dropped him off with the villagers never to be seen #again. and since it was technically HER single player world when Scar DID grow up old enough to be recognized as a player he couldn’t #access any of the 'exit world' stuff or anything like that since it wasn’t his world #and then like a watcher or smth pulled him out of it so that Scar could be put through the horrors of gun related things for experimentstuff #and then there’s the backstory of where scar IS a watcher. like not a person turned watcher he was BORN (if you could say that) a watcher #and like the other watchers wanted to do an experiment of basically 'could a watcher if stripped of its memories and placed in a people- #-world be able to produce its own feelings and emotions?' and so they did that to Scar but they didn’t place him there as a baby no. they #placed him there as a full grown man so bros even more confused. and when the life series stuff started he had exactly one ☝️ dream per #Series and it was tiny little snippets of his watcher self but he didn’t know that it’s him but like he felt a strange pull towards these #dreams so that’s basically the reason why he kept coming back to the life games even tho they hurt him deeply as we all know #and then when he won secret life the secret keeper asked him what his wish was now that he’s won and he didn’t ask to know who he was and #where he came from (since he just appeared one day as a full grown man with no identification) since he’s made peace with that maybe it is #better not to know. so instead he asked abt the dreams he always has in these series and wth their abt and the context and stuff #and then BAM the secret keeper just drops all that information on him and he has an identity crises :D #anyways. I put both of these guys through many horrors I just have so many ideas for scar specifically. oh also there’s that backstory where #hes an assasin guy and he feels rlly guilty abt it when he gets split in half (gtws and btws) cuz like he has morals now apparently?? also #it explains the scammer stuff cuz he was a HUGE scammer bacl them #asks #hermitcraft #goodtimeswithscar #mumbo jumbo #redscape