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notsunnyowo · 15 hours

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"𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝕘𝕣𝕠𝕨 𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕪 𝕝𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕, 𝕒𝕝𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕪 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕗𝕦𝕝, 𝕀 𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙𝕖." --𝕌𝕟𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕟

Word count: 5 215 words

Trigger Warning : Mentions of blood

Hanahaki disease Gojo x Female Reader

Angst, Gojo suffering from Hanahaki, Angst with happy ending, Female Reader (AFAB), Fluff, Gojo is absolutely smitten with reader

Summary: Gojo Satoru is loved by many, except for the sole person he himself loves

It was sudden, the scorching feeling that filled his throat as the milky-haired man began to cough. His throat and lungs felt like they were on fire. It was almost as if thorns were poking and proding at his insides.

As soon as he thought that the violent coughing outburst was nearing its end he felt something traveling up his wind pipe and entering his mouth. Spitting the foreign object out Satoru was surprised to find a rose petal, covered with crimson blood laying on the floor of his apartment.

___

"Are you certain it's not the doing of some curse technique?" Shoko questioned, carefully examining the bloodied petal her friend had brought to her this morning. "Or a cursed spirit perhaps?" The woman continued, eyes focusing on the delicate object at hand.

"Yes. I'm certain of it." Gojo responded. His voice much too serious in comparison to the usual tone it took whenever the man talked. "My six eyes haven't detected any unknown trace of cursed energy on it."

"I see.." Ieiri commented, continuing to inspect the odd object. She'd received a call earlier that morning from Satoru, asking her if he'd be able to come over to discuss some urgent matter. And that's how she'd gotten ahold of that rose petal.

"So you coughed this up yesterday, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell me what happened again?" She asked, lifting her gaze from the flower petal in order to look at the man.

"I laying in bed last night, when I felt this strong itching sensation in the back of my throat, followed by a burning sensation in my chest." Satoru began. "And that's when I started coughing like crazy. It was so bad that I couldn't even catch my breath. . . Then I felt something in my throat and this came out."

"Alright.." The woman sat down on her chair, letting out a frusterated sigh.

"What do you think?" The white-haired man asked, his cerulean eyes harboring a mix of concern and irritation deep within them. Despite being worried about his health and well-being, given the gravity of the situation, Gojo being Gojo, found this 'weakness' to be quite a pain in the ass.

After a moment of pondering silence, the young doctor looked up at her patient. "It's a stretch but.." The unsureness of her words sent an irritating feeling throughout Satoru's entire body. "My best guess is to say that you're suffering from a phenomenon called the Hanahaki disease."

"Hana-what-now?" Gojo questioned, his brows creasing as he tried to recall any information he might've had about a disease that caused the patient to cough up rose petals, but to no avail.

Seeing the puzzled look on his face, Ieiri sighed. "Hanahaki is a disease that causes flowers to bloom in the lungs of those suffering from it. Those flowers continue to grow until they eventually suffocate the victim due to the blockage of air they impose on the patient."

"And how do I get rid of it?" Satoru asked, his voice stoic and serious.

"That's the thing.." The woman began, crossing her leg over the other. "It's caused by strong, usually unrequited, feelings of love towards someone."

Unrequited love..?

"So who is it?"

Stunned speechless for a moment, Satoru looked back at his friend. Once he'd regained his composure the man spoke, his tone now shifting to his usual, more carefree one. "Myself, obviously."

With an unamused look on her face Shoko raised an intrigued brow. "I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as Auto-Hanahaki. But, if there was, you'd definitely be suffering from it."

Letting out a loud sigh, the woman leaned back in her chair. "Well, whoever it is, you'd better settle your feelings with them before it's too late." She spoke, sincere concern evident in her voice. "However, just in case, I'll look into this disease more. See if there are any alternative ways of curing it."

"Okay."

___

After Shoko's diagnosis, Satoru was feeling worse than ever. He'd done some of his own research on this wired disease, which was now plaguing his existance. And what he found only made him, feel that much worse.

Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 ) - a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear...

Frowning at his phone, the young man read trough the Wikipedia article, frustration growing inside him at an alarming rate. "How the hell am I even suffering from a fictional disease.." He muttered under his breath, brows furrowing as he annoyedly shoved his phone into his jacket pocket.

Letting an irritated sigh escape his lips, the man looked off into the horizon. "One-sided love, huh..? To think that I of all people would suffer from a diseased manifestation of one-sided love.."

Despite not voicing his feelings aloud, Gojo was well aware of them. He knew what the problem was. He knew what was needed to be done - who he needed to talk to for all of this to be over..

But he couldn't.

He was Satoru Gojo after all. The strongest sorcerer of the modern era. And with the title of strongest came its struggles. He was the pillar of the Gojo-clan - hell, even the whole jujustu society. A responsibility he alone had to carry to his grave.

Maybe it would've been easier to connect with people on a much deeper level if he was 'normal', if he wasn't 'special'.

But that was just wishful thinking on his behalf.

Even entertaining the idea of settling down, or even having someone to call his own sounded more like some well written fanfiction than a possible future he could look forward to.

There was no way he could possibly have something like that, not as long as he was "The Strongest" at least.

Not as long as there were people, curses even, that would stop at nothing if it meant having a chance to end his life.

He couldn't do that. Couldn't let someone he cared for so deeply be in constant danger, simply because they chose to love him. Couldn't let her life be endangered like that.

Even it it meant keeping her at a distance. Loving her from afar.

Satoru was a smart man and he wasn't oblivious to his feelings for you. On the contrary, he was well aware of them from the start.

He was aware of how he'd light up every time he'd see you. Or how he'd feel his heart skip a beat whenever your hands brushed against one another.

He'd known he was in love from the moment he'd seen you courageously risking your life for the safety of your students. He loved that about you. Hell, he loved everything about you. From the way you'd smile so fondly at him, whenever you were excited about something, to the way you spoke when teaching the first years.

And that was exactly why he could never tell you how he felt.

He'd never be able to live with himself if you'd ever gotten hurt because of him. He loved you with all his heart - and those bloodied petals were proof of it - however he'd promised himself to always keep you from harms way.

Even if that also meant keeping you away from him too.

He'd protect you, no matter what-

"Ah, Gojo! There you are! - I've been looking everywhere for you!" Stopping dead in his tracks, Satoru glanced back, ocean blue orbs meeting with your (eye colored) ones. The sight of your gleamful demeanor as you approached him made his heart swell up with joy - something which happened almost naturally at this point whenever you were with him.

"Is that so?" He cracked a grin, looking down at you.

However, there was something else stirring up inside him as well. A feeling he'd never experienced in your presence up until now. The immense aching feeling that quickly formed inside Satoru's chest was overwelming.

So much so, that the man found himself struggling to take a proper breath - and before he knew it - he'd began coughing. Exactly like how he had done yesterday.

"Yeah. I was wondering if you could-" You paused, looking at the tall man with a look of concern on your face. "Are you feeling alright? That cough sounds pretty bad." Your words, although caring and coming from a good heart, only seemed to further ignite the burning sensation in his heart. Effectively worsening his coughing spree.

Worry quickly spiking, you rushed over to your co-worker, and close personal friend. "Gojo-!" You called out to him, your voice filled with panic. You didn't know what it was that was causing the male such violent coughing, but what you did know was that it couldn't mean anything good.

Your worry only seemed to get worse when you first saw it. There on the sidewalk, all bloodied up, lied a single rose petal. You looked at the small petal with utter shock and disbelief. You were sure you wouldn't have believed what was laying in front of you, wasn't a figment of your imagination if you hadn't just seen it with your own eyes.

"Gojo.." Your voice trailed as you carefully inspected the foreign object. "...You just coughed up a flower petal..." You continued, your tone full of a mix of worry and confusion.

"Yeah.." The man, finally able to breathe properly again, replied.

"And you're not as freaked out about this as mush ws I am..?" You inquired, giving the sorcerer a worried look.

"Not really.." He answered, voice far too calm in comparison to yours.

"Okay..? And care to tell me why you coughed up a literal flower just now..??"

Satoru looked back at you, giving you a casual shoulder raise. "Apparently I'm lovesick."

"What?"

___

"I think I understand what's happening to Satoru.." Shoko began, looking at the two of you. After the whole coughing-up-a-flower fiasco, you'd insisted on taking Gojo to go see Shoko again, even if the man had told you that he'd already visited her earlier that morning.

"Cursed energy is derived from negative emotions. Therefore it's not completely unreasonable to assume that the more negative emotions a person feels the more likely they are to produce an excessive amount of cursed energy." She continued, pointing a finger at Gojo. "Satoru's practically already a walking pool of cursed energy so due to his technique, so imagine adding another load onto his already expensive amount."

The two of you listened to the woman speak intently, not wanting to miss a single thing. "Given the nature of the disease, it appears to be manifested whenever strong feelings are accumulated over a long period of time. And given that Gojo's emotionally constipated when it comes to expressing his feelings, the most probable case is that he's been bottling up his emotions for far too long. Causing them to physically manifest into these petals."

"Ouch, didn't have to bruise my ego like that Shoko." The man said, dramatically clutching his chest with faux hurt.

Letting out an amused scoff the woman continued her explanation. "They say that love is the strongest curse after all. And in your case, Satoru. It seems that you've cursed yourself, in a way."

With a worried frown on your face, you glanced over at Gojo, trying your best to study his every move. Despite him having given you a similar explanation as Shoko's, you still couldn't quite bring yourself to actually believe it was true. You'd known Gojo for quite some time now, having worked alongside him since the start of your teaching career here at Tokyo Jujutsu Highschool. And from what you'd witnessed, Satoru was extremely popular with the ladies, so the thought of a woman not returning his feelings sounded like a piece of fiction to you.

"Given the nature of the disease it's only going to get worse from here on out, if not intervened." The woman added after a long pause. "So I'd strongly recommend telling whoever it is you're in love with how you feel. - Even on the off chance that the feelings aren't mutual, it's might help release some of that cursed energy in a form that isn't hemoptysis."

Hearing Ieiri's words made your heart ache.

It was for a selfish reason really..

You felt jealous.. of the person who'd captured Satoru's heart..

Sure, it hurt you seeing the otherwise cheerful man in such a state.. But what hurt you even more was the fact that it was all because of someone who he thought didn't love him back..

You would be lying to yourself if you said that during the five years you had worked alongside the strongest sorcerer of your time, you hadn't developed some feelings for the charismatic man.

Your heart couldn't help but race whenever he was near you, just like you couldn't help the rosy blush that would tint your cheeks red every time he brought you a souvenir from one of his missions, claiming that he'd put much effort and care into finding the "perfect gift for his perfect co-worker".

Now hearing that he was suffering just because he loved someone who didn't reciprocate his feelings made your heart ache.

You had entertained the idea of confessing your feelings towards the blue-eyed man for quite some time now, hoping that there was a chance he might reciprocate them.

But now? All that hope dwindled like a wilting flower.

"I agree with Shoko.." You spoke, gaze glued to somewhere in the distance. "You should voice your feelings.. It'll help you feel better.."

___

It had been approximately five months ever since Satoru had somehow contracted the strange disease. Five months of coughing up petal, after petal covered with his own blood.

What once used to be him coughing up a single petal, two at most on a daily basis, had now escalated to him vomiting five to six petals at a time, at least three times during the day.

Once he'd even spat out a whole flower.

It would've been a far more beautiful sight, had the rose bloom not been covered with his blood, and had his lungs not burned from the act of coughing up the delicate flower.

For five months Satoru had been living his life with the constant ache in his chest. An ache that would not go away no matter what he tried doing.

The idea to use reverse cursed energy on himself had sprung up in his head during the second month. Right around the time when his constant ache was beginning to consume his every waking hour. Rendering the man unable to focus on anything else apart from it.

The first time he'd used cursed energy to heal his wounds, Satoru felt so proud of himself for coming up with such a brilliant idea, that he felt like giving himself a pat on the back as to congratulate himself for such brilliance.

Unfortunately though, his joy was rather shortlived, seeing as it turned out that using cursed energy was not only a temporary solution, but it also brought more problems than it solved. Using RCT on himself only seemed to worsen the effects of that wretched disease. Almost as if it was fanning its flames.

After that, he'd not tried healing himself using reverse cursed technique once more, unless the situation was quite dire.

For five whole months had he watched his body slowly, but surely scum to the disease. He felt like a shell of his former self. Satoru couldn't remember the last time he'd been able to take a proper breath without choking on a blasted flower.

And it only seemed to be getting worse from here out. Exactly like how Shoko had predicted.

He hadn't told you about his feelings, opting to suffer their burden alone, instead of jeopardizing your safety. An act that would eventually end up killing him in the long run.

Tonight was just like any other night. Satoru had returned home after a long day of work, immediately rushing to his bathroom to cough up the petals that were scratching his throat. It felt almost routine at this point. Get home, stain his sink with blood and roses, clean up and then go on about his day.

It was slowly killing him.

Satoru looked at himself in the mirror, eyes sunken and lips covered in blood. He looked more like a vampire than anything else right now. Lifting his hand from the sink, the man picked up one of the coughed up rose blossoms. His movements were soft and gentle, eyes softening slightly as he stared at the delicate flower.

With a pained chuckle he spoke. "I find it hard to believe that such a delicate thing as yourself could manage to wound the greatest sorcerer to ever live." His voice was hoarse from the constant strain his respiratory tracks had to endure.

Satoru didn't know whether he was referring to the flower or you in that moment, and to be completely honest, he didn't really care. This was just a reminder of all the struggles he had to endure in order to keep his title as "The Strongest Sorcerer of The Modern Era".

RING RING

The sound of his phone ringing caught his attention, snapping the young man out of any potential philosophical endeavors for the time being. Resting the rose on his bathroom sink, Satoru exited the bathroom, slowly making his way to the living room where he'd left his phone.

Picking the small object up and looking at the screen, his eyes lit up upon seeing your name pop up. Swiping his finger across the screen, he answered the phone.

"Hey." He said, trying to conceal the obvious hoarseness of his voice. "Need anything?"

"Hi, no uh-" Your voice came from the other line. Despite having seen you earlier today, Satoru found himself missing you even more now that he'd heard your voice. "I just finished doing some baking, but I accidentally ended up making a bit too many sweets. - And since I know you've got quite the sweet tooth I was wondering if you'd mind if I bring you some. Since, I don't want to waste some perfectly good Dorayaki."

Satoru couldn't help but smile at your considerate offer. God, he loved that side of you. So sweet and considerate. He just couldn't get enough. "Sure. I'm in my apartment right now, so you can stop by any time you'd like."

"Really? Great then!" You chimed. He could almost picture the bright smile you had on your face judging by your tone of voice. "I'll be there in twenty- Gotta clean up this mess first." You chuckled and Satoru swore he'd never heard a sound more melodic than this one.

"See you in twenty then." He replied.

"See ya."

___

Approximately twenty minutes after hanging up the call, Satoru heard the doorbell ringing.

That must be her.

Satoru thought. He'd already taken the liberty of cleaning up his little 'mess' in the bathroom. Taking the flower petals and throwing them away in the trash.

He didn't want you to see them. Didn't want to see that worried look upon your face. It would only make his heart ache more if he did.

With long strides, the young man effortlessly made his way to the entrance. Taking a stand at the door, he glanced at himself in the mirror, taking in his paler features with slight annoyance.

Hopefully she won't notice..

Oh but you had noticed. You'd noticed it a long time ago. Noticed his sunken features, the carefully concealed pain in his eyes. It was hard to look at the man you loved slowly suffering like that. All while you're frustratingly unable to do anything to help. All because of some woman..

You were standing there, patiently waiting for Gojo to open the door and let you in. Once you heard some shuffling on the other side you knew it was him and your body stiffened up.

As the door opened you were met with the sight of the milky-haired man, staring back at you with his big blue eyes.

"Hey." He greeted.

"Hi." You replied, suddenly feeling nervous. It wasn't like it was your first time coming over to his place so what was wrong? You'd visited Gojo plenty of times before, and not once had you felt as anxious as you did now. Strange. . .

"Don't just stand there, come in." Satoru said, offering you his signature boyish grin as he stepped aside allowing you to enter inside his luxurious apartment.

With a soft smile on your lips, you stepped inside, immediately opting to take off your shoes before going any further. Holding the bento box filled with Dorayaki in your hands, you followed the man to his living room.

"Make yourself at home." Gojo spoke, taking a step towards you and stretching out his hands in order to take the bento box from your hold.

With a quick nod, you handed him the container, and upon doing so you took a seat on his lavish sofa. Looking around, you took notice of all the little details about his apartment. It came as no surprise to you to find out that Satoru was a well organized man, even outside of work.

His apartment was absolutely spotless every time you'd visited him. You wondered how he'd get all the free time needed to keep everything so neat and tidy, but then again, he was the head of the Gojo-clan after all. And being the head of the top clan in all of Jujutsu Society came with its perks you supposed.

Resting your hands on your thighs, you took in a deep breath, secretly relishing in the room's scent. It smelled like sandalwood mixed in with a hint of that expensive cologne that Gojo would often use.

Or in other words, it smelled exactly like him.

Perfect.

Straightening up at the sound of his approaching footsteps, you instinctively glanced over to the door. Satoru, holding a porcelain plate filled with as many Dorayaki as he could fit, walked over to the table, before setting the plate down on it.

After giving you another grateful compliment for your outstanding work he finally took a seat, right across from you.

Conversation easily flowed after. Satoru was a man who found it easy to hold a conversation with almost anyone. Another attribute many envied him for. He was just so charismatic. And with the way he carried himself you couldn't help but be engaged in whatever he was telling you. Even if it was sometimes the most boring thing you could think of, he made it sound like such a fun topic.

Smiling softly at the man, you studied his features. Has he lost some weight? You thought, taking notice of his more prominent cheekbones. Shifting your gaze, your eyes met with his. Despite still having that same vibrant blue color in them, you couldn't help but notice the dullness behind them. It was like all the life was slowly being drained away from them.

By this point, Satoru had already stopped talking. Sensing your gaze on him his eyes locked with yours. Part of him knew what you were probably thinking. It made him want to look away. Not to let you see what had become of him because of his feelings for you.

And then he felt it.

Just like clockwork, his airways constructed, causing the man to curl down as he began coughing.

As soon as he'd begun coughing, you were up and rushing to his side. "Gojo!" You cried out his name, worry and panic filling your voice as you wracked your brain for anything that you could do to help him.

But nothing came to mind.

And so, you were left just standing there, arms hovering over the man you held so dear in your heart. The feeling of being unable to help the one you loved made you feel sick to the stomach.

A horrible experience, really.

Once the coughing had stopped, you looked at Satoru's bloodied lips, and then at the rose petals scattered across the floor. Staining the carpet red with his blood.

"How are you?" You asked, looking at the man with a worried expression.

"M' fine." He said in a raspy tone, followed by another deep cough. "Don't worry about me."

You frowned at his words. How could you possibly do anything else aside from worry about him when he was in such a state!

"You don't seem so well Gojo.." You spoke up, looking back at the snow-haired man with a gentle look in your eyes. A look that made his heart ache.

"Your condition only seems to have gotten worse as far as I can tell.." Pursing your lips, you paused for a moment before letting out a quiet sigh. "I'm just.. Really worried about you.."

Satoru could physically feel his heart breaking as you spoke those words to him. The last thing he'd wanted to hear was that he was the cause of your worry. The whole reason he hadn't told you that he was in love with you was solely for the reason as to not make you feel unhappy.. And yet..

He failed.

"Have you.." You continued, suddenly averting your gaze from his. "Have you told her your feelings yet?.."

A deep silence willed the room after you'd voiced your question. Neither of you spoke for what felt like hours, until Satoru finally broke the silence by answering your question.

"No.. I haven't."

"Why?"

The question left your lips before you could even stop yourself.

Satoru simply looked at you, before answering.

"I can't."

"You can't..?"

What does he mean by that? You thought, unable to find a reasonable explanation for why he simply couldn't confess his feelings to the woman he desired.

"I don't understand.. What's stopping you from telling her how you feel?"

You pressed the matter. If Gojo didn't do anything about his condition he wouldn't make it. And you for one were not planning on losing him any time soon.

Satoru looked back at you, and for a moment, he didn't really know what to tell you. He had no proper answer to give you that wouldn't inevitably reveal what he was trying to hide from you all this time.

"It's.. complicated."

"What is?" Furrowing your brows you looked back at him. "Gojo.. You do realize that not telling her how you feel is slowly killing you. There's no harm in admitting your feelings to her, you know.."

Despite the hurt that saying those words to him caused you, you had to put up with it. If it meant Satoru got to live, you'd happily grin and bear it.

"(Last Name), you don't understand.. I can't just tell her I love her, all right?" Satoru spoke, his voice a little shaken up. "It's not as simple as you think."

He paused, looking off into the distance before continuing once more. "Telling her I love her is only going to make her a target for everyone that's out to get me. I can't risk putting her in danger like that. I won't."

"And even if I do tell her. - There's no guarantee that she feels the same.."

"So what? You're going to accept death?" You spoke, voice cracking at the end. Glossy tears filled your eyes as your lip quivered. "And then what? What about all the people that need you in their life?"

"There are people that care so much about you Gojo!" You exclaimed, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. "I care about you!"

By this point, you were extremely shaken up. You couldn't believe that he was willing to accept his fate like that! Didn't he know how much he meant to you?

"I love you!"

The words left your mouth before you could even register what was happening. And once you did it was too late.

You could feel the wave of instant regret crashing against your body with such immense force. And Satoru's science wasn't doing you any good either.

I messed up. I messed up real bad.!

The thought went over and over in your head as you stared back at Satoru. He was speechless. That was to be expected after all! Here he was slowly dying and you'd just confessed your love to him!

"G-Gojo I-" You began, unable to find the right words to say to him. "I am so sorry! I-I don't know what came over me, I just-"

"(Last Name)."

"I know that now is hardly the right time to be telling you this but it just slipped!-"

"(Last Name)."

"I mean you've already got so much on your plate and here I am telling you that I-?!"

Your words were cut off by Satoru's lips crashing against yours. A tingling sensation spread across your whole body and your stomach did flips.

Whatever feelings you were experiencing in that moment, Satoru was experiencing tenfold the amount. Hearing that you loved him back was like hearing the loveliest melody known to man. Those simple yet powerful words made his heart race.

You loved him..

You actually loved him.

After a few moments of sharing a kiss with the Gojo Satoru, the man finally pulled away. He looked at you straight in the eye, with his lips slightly parted.

Meanwhile you were just left standing there, completely and utterly speechless.

It took you some time to fully gather your thoughts, but once you did you asked, or more like stated in pure disbelief.

"You.. kissed me?"

"Yeah.." He began, his eyes softening as he focused their gaze on your petite figure." "I did, didn't I..?"

Checks flushed bright red, you looked back at the slender man. "D-Does that mean?-"

Satoru Gojo, had made a promise to himself. A promise that no matter the cost he would be there to protect you. He'd always be there to keep you safe. No matter what.

He knew that what he was about to say would go against his plan. Confessing his feelings would mean putting you in grave danger.

But he'd decided on something else after hearing those three faithful words from your lips.

He'd keep you safe by his side, even if it meant putting his life on the line. That was a risk he was willing to take if it meant getting to kiss your soft lips once more. Or hearing you say you love him too.

He'd do it within the blink of an eye for you.

That he vowed.

"I love you (Name)."

The words were so liberating. The thorns and roses that had been growing inside his lungs vanished into thin air. And finally, after months of pain and anguish, Satoru was finally able to take a breath without the constant reminder that he would forever be alone.

He loved you.

And you loved him back.

What more could a man hope for?

---

Author Note:

Hope you all enjoyed reading :)

The idea sounded much better in my head tbh but I think it turned out okay. TvT

#gojo satoru x reader #romance #jjk #angst with a happy ending #jjk angst #jjk fluff #angst #tw blood #gojo x reader #satoru gojo #satoru x reader

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hearts4golbach · 18 hours

Note

HI POOKS LOVE YOUR WORK, maybe a Johnnie fic where he shows fem!reader how to play guitar, and lead to some smut (if you're comfortable with it ofc) THANKS HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT

The Fretting Hand.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

a/n: I read this request sooo wrong, but it's still relatively the same idea. I'm so sorry 😭

warnings: smut, fingering, bickering, enemies to lovers kinda, (only y/n receiving)

Jake: "They say you should never have wings on the first date with a girl."

Johnnie: "That's true because when you're gonna go finger -"

the strumming of Johnnies' guitar was incessant. jakes snores weren't favorable conditions either. but you let him have a pass cause he was actually a decent person. johnnie, on the other hand, was far from even being your friend.

you put on a fake smile and maintained a friendship on camera, but off camera, it was constant bickering. you two couldn't stand each other. it was funny. Your annoyance with each other had no motive behind it. to be fair, it was everything about him. his face made you angry just to look at. of course, you thought he was the finest man you had ever seen, but he still irritated the hell out of you.

scrolling on the internet wasn't helping. most nights, you could block out all of the excess noise just fine. tonight was way different. you tossed and turned, trying to at least find a more comfortable angle. you never usually stayed up past 11, which was the time, because of your busy schedule. you groaned quietly into your pillow before getting up out of your bed.

you wandered into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water, downing it before reusing the bottle and filling it up in the sink.

even downstairs, you could still hear johnnie screwing around on his guitar. you'd admit, johnnie was a talented guy, but seriously? at 11 pm? you couldn't stand it.

you stomped up the stairs into his room. you knocked twice before throwing open the door. "do you ever know when to shut the fuck up? I haven't been able to sleep at all." you scolded, even though you knew your restlessness wasn't his fault.

your eyes wandered down to his hand that was still placed on the fret board. his middle and ring fingers were placed in a certain chord formation, which just so happened to flaunt the veins and tattoos on his hand.

"My bad." johnnie responded. he noticed your eyes wandering before glancing down at his hand himself. "What?"

"Nothing, just -" you struggled to find the words, your mind corrupted with other thoughts. you felt your face begin to heat up. "Just be quiet."

his lip twitched into a smirk. he placed his guitar down back onto the stand. "Are you sure that's all you came in here for?"

you hesitated before nodding. the cat has definitely got your tongue now. you wanted to turn to leave, but you were frozen. the low light of his lamp mixed with the full moon in the sky was playing tricks on your mind. there was no way you'd actually fuc-

"y/n?" johnnie snapped his fingers. God, his fingers.

"Yeah, sorry." You took a step back before glancing towards the door.

his eyebrows furrowed together. "You've never apologized to me before." he chuckled, "seriously, what's up?" heat had slowly been growing between your legs. johnnie stood up and walked over to you. you were face to face now, and it was almost guaranteed he could see your beet red face. "well? if you've got another problem, fucking spit it out."

you realized quickly this was about to go in a completely different direction. "make me."

"yeah? i bet you'd like that," his palm met your cheek, pulling your plump bottom lip down with his thumb. he took a step forward as you stumbled back, your back hitting the wall.

"and i bet you would even more." and with that, he smashed his lips against yours.

you absolutely hated how soft his lips were. the kiss was rough and needy, and your teeth clashed against his occasionally. your hands clawed at his shoulders, digging your fingers into him. he quietly moaned against your lips, the feeling of pain sending adrenaline throughout his veins. he needed you, and you needed him just the same.

he wrapped his hands around your thighs and lifted you up. you wrapped your legs around his waist, pressing your needy cunt into his growing boner. Johnnies hands trailed up your thighs and gripped your ass, digging his fingers in so hard you figured there'd be bruises in the morning.

"God, always so fucking needy." he spat. you grabbed his chain and pulled him in again, crashing your lips onto his.

he laid you back on the bed, crawling in between your legs and hovering over you. "I bet you've wanted to see me like this for so long." you teased, trying to get a rise out of him.

he rolled his eyes, flipping his messy hair out of the way. "I could say the same for you. don't act like I can't hear those pretty moans late at night. sometimes I even hear my name. I'm not deaf, fucking slut."

you were gagged, not knowing a rebuttal to that comment. instead, you kissed him again.

his hands trailed down your body, playing with the waist band of your pajama pants. he quickly pulled them off, tossing them on the floor next to the bed.

your purple lace panties hugged your hips and ass perfectly, making him shudder at the sight. his hand moved to your clothed clit. he applied pressure, making you wince as you bucked your hips up into his hand.

"so fucking soaked. shit," he whispered, pulling your underwear down and tossing them on top of your pajama pants.

his hand collected your slick as he rubbed his fingers through your folds gently. you quietly moaned under his touch.

"you wanna tell me now? only good girls get what they want." he whispered in your ear, nipping at your neck.

"please, fuck," you pleaded, bucking up onto his hand again. "your fingers,"

he dipped his middle finger inside of you, just barely thrusting inside. "what about them?"

your hand slapped over your mouth as you moaned at the sudden feeling inside of you. "The way you play the guitar. God, it's so fucking h-hot." you said breathlessly, "please, johnnie."

he slipped his ring finger inside of you, quickening the pace. "What makes you even think you deserve this, huh?" Both his fingers were all the way inside of you.

"shit, please. don't be a bitch." you mustered the strength to insult him back. it turned Johnnie on more than you could even imagine.

"I'm not the one who treats you like a dog, am i?" he sped up his pace, spreading your legs wider. "maybe I can fuck some common sense into you."

your back arched, "shit, then maybe don't act like one."

"you're so fucking insufferable. maybe this will bring you back to reality." he curled his fingers as your walls squeezed him. "you know what I think? I think you act that way because of how badly you want me, you just don't wanna admit it."

you let out a low moan, trying to catch your breath. "in your wildest dreams."

"and if you didn't, we wouldn't be here right now. and you wouldn't be squeezing my fingers like this." his other thumb moved to your sensitive nub, rubbing it to match the pace of his fingers. "why don't you just admit it?"

"fuck you." you spat between moans.

"I'm sure you would." he sped up his pace even more, his fingers thrusting in and out of you at a relentless pace. "prove to me you deserve to cum, or you're going back to your fucking room. if I even fucking hear you finishing, it won't be good."

he pulled his fingers out of you, leaving you on the edge. you wiped sweat off your forehead as you whimpered. "fucking fuck. okay fine. you're right. God, I've wanted you for so fucking long." you replied breathlessly. "please, johnnie. I'll be good from now on. just let me-"

his fingers entered your tight pussy again, making you moan loudly. his thrusts were relentless, curling his fingers at the perfect spot inside of you. you writhed under his touch, endless strings of curses and moans came out of your mouth.

"I've wanted you since I first saw you." he admitted, "but you were such a fucking bitch. it turned me on, though. I'm not really complaining." he added pressure to your clit on top of everything else.

he kissed your inner thighs as you felt the knot in your stomach begin to tighten. "johnnie, I'm gonna cum-"

"let go, baby." he wet noises of his fingers inside of you filled the room, along with your moans.

your climax hit you like a truck. your legs quaked as Johnnie helped you ride out your high. you went limp on his bed, breathing heavily. he laid next to you, wrapping his arm around your waist.

whenever you had recovered, you rolled over and climbed on top of him. "your turn."

#fanfiction #fanfic #johnnie guilbert #jake and johnnie #johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert x you #jake webber #johnnie and jake #johnnie guilbert smut #smut #oneshot #hearts4golbach

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ashesbreadandbutter · 2 days

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Sooo... Can we talk about Vox and Alastor Cause I'm literally obsessed...

Basically headcanons since of course I seen the post running around where Viv calls their relationship sad and complicated.

Being an 'angst-girlie' I HAVE to gobble this up so here's a few headcanons I immediately thought about.

Mentions of Valentinos acts against humanity so watch out for that. A bit, like a smidge, of kissing and making out mentioned as well.

For Starters

I happily wrote a fanfic for pics that @milariro drew (lovely artist, check em out!) and I think Valentino definitely plays a big roll in the fallout.

So Vox and Alastor were pals yeah, hung out, chit chatted, ate food together, even got close enough for Alastor to feel comfortable doing more intimate actions like cuddling and hugging and such.

I can't help but think of Vox perhaps being on the Acespectrum himself? He's giving "I will but I don't have to" so I get more demi vibes off of him. He probably doesn't give a fuck about anyone else like he does with Alastor so that's why.

I think he could build intimacy with others yes but he's so focused on his work usually outside of his competition.

Vox probably came to hell and started off really small and little so as he grew, he wanted to grow and took his time to try and get bigger. I would say that Valentino could come in here if not later when Vox seemed to develop feelings for Alastor and in doing so Alastor wants to return those said feelings but he's scared.

Scared of what? The unknown.

He probably is someone who doesn't like when he can't see what's going to occur or happen before it actually does.

He's a runner. Imma say that because I can be one. He cares for Vox but he can't stop the way his heart seems to race when they get just a bit too close...

Valentino probably comes in and ruins everything, most likely at a time when Alastor starts to get some sort of understanding on his own feelings and seeing Vox practically become infatuated with Valentino really leaves a void in his own heart.

Of course he wants to support Vox in his endeavors but... Valentino? Out of all people?

Alastor is most likely disgusted by even the thought of Valentino and seeing Vox so happy and eager with him sets. Him. Off.

A lot of arguments now, harsh words and such and really it's from Vox as he's confused and lost as to Alastor's behavior. He probably picked up on it and asked multiple times just for Alastor to brush him off every time so now that smoke is in the air everything is coming out.

Vox probably would confess he's in love with Alastor in this argument, tears, crying and all and Alastor can't help the way he feels about it

He feels he's at fault, and his airy silence doesn't help with all the anguish in the air already

He's scared. He loves Vox as well but something about the situation makes it hard for Alastor to swallow all the information and this leads to the 7 year disappearance

This mother fucker definitely leaves without saying a single thing to Vox and that hurts Vox more than anything else.

What else can Vox do without a single letter or sign as to where his friend went and of course he's going to know he's the reason to a certain extent

It definitely hurts both of them, like... World shattering.

Vox has no choice but to go to Valentino.

I can't help but analyze how Vox seemed... Happy? That he thought Angeldust quit when Valentino was raging. Vox does not love this man...

He of course knows about the things Valentino does... Or maybe... He doesn't? Like maybe he has an idea but he hates to think about it... He's never around when it actually happens to someone?

Valentino probably...has even done things to Vox himself?

Maaaannn like I said these aren't canon ofc but now I'm just rambling. Vox probably goes through similar ways of abuse from Val but he just puts up with it like everyone else? I can see him being so broken behind closed doors and when he's in front of others he puts on the cocky persona of his. It's something he's picked up from Alastor, smiling was a tactic all on its own.

He's unconscious of it but Vox thinks of Alastor all the time; when he wakes, when he works, etc etc and I think that in very little ways Alastor does the same thing.

Alastor definitely thinks of Vox often but he's so much better at hiding it. These two are so broken when they are alone.

I'm hoping they talk more about these two but OMG imagine so heartfelt ass communication after so maybe years... They definitely need it, to air out everything

And imagine that while they are Vox is speaking and Alastor is adamantly listening as he's always done and before he even knows it he's leaning forward, closer and Vox doesn't necessarily realize it until Alastor is just a breath away.

Tbh Alastor wouldn't even know what he was doing, it's like he's doing it unconsciously...no thoughts in mind and when Vox stops for a moment and just right then everything just seems to make sense? Alastor looks at him as if there's nothing but him and Vox would return the gaze before they closed in with a kiss

It's not just a little kiss either, it's one that starts off soft and gentle and leads into something hotter... Something raunchy as they cling to each other and hold each other.

Someone drew a pick with Vox being pinned against the wall by Alastor while kissing and I'll tag them (HERE) when I find them again but yeah it's like that.

It's like Alastor is letting off steam that's been trapped inside him for all those years even prior to his disappearance and he wants to be careful and gentle but he's... Excited, happy to have Vox in his arms again so he gets rough, biting, nipping, sucking until Vox seems to just completely become goop against him because in reality this is all he's wanted from Alastor... To be close to him, to hug him, to kiss him...

To help him, to protect him, to watch him grow and grow together with him.

Alastor still struggles with admitting it but he's just as happy to be with Vox too. (It's giving soulmates?? Soulmate AU ANYONE??! I'LL WRITE IT? PAY ME AND ILL START IT TODAY???!!! Support a disabled writer and I'll write whatever you want!~ current commission status: 3/5 stories to be done which I'll be working on right after this post)

Ahem...

But anyway they are married your honor!

I can see Vox coming to the Hotel after he manages to break free of Valentino. Maybe running off and disappearing on him and pulling an Alastor while Valentino rages at everyone else to find him. Velvet is broken between helping and not.

Vox coming to the hotel would be a shit fest to start off but... He is actually really helpful, and he takes the time to rebuild a connection with Angeldust and Alastor and he seems just so much more... Happy and genuine? And sometimes when Alastor notices he can't help but show a genuine smile as he admires Vox.

They would eventually come together to help publicize the hotel and WOAH are they banging!

The radio demon and TV demon have come together to help some crappy hotel rehabilitate sinners? Holy shit!

They reel people in from all over for various reasons whether it be fangirls shipping them or people actually wanting help and to grow...

They are happy together but...

Valentino and whoever is on his side of things definitely managed to also pick up on the sudden booming aura coming off of that hotel and maybe...maybe they'll pay a visit.

One that reminds Vox of everything that Valentino did to him and OMG imagine Vox having a panic attack or something, running off because he knows it's Val? Leaving Alastor to go hunt for him?

A fight would be interesting.

Alright alright, imma shut up.

I wrote this write the angst in mind but of course I rambled hahah. Either way, I said what I said. ÙwÚ

If you made it this far follow? Reblog? Comment???

MWAH 💋

- A

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emo-trash88 · 2 days

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Hi! I have a request if you don’t mind. Could you please write hc’s of Alastor, Angel Dust, Husk, and Lucifer x platonic reader who’s a fem boy theater kid? You don’t have to of course.

Yeah ofc! As a recovering theater kid myself, this will definitely be an interesting thing to write today. Also I apologize that this has been sitting undone for almost a month 😭

Alastor, Angel Dust, Husk, and Lucifer x Theater kid! Reader

Pronouns: Second person, implied male (cause femboy)

Tw:

Alastor -

- So this man???

- Fucking loves you to your core.

- Like he is the embodied of radio, so the fact you like musicals or just anything music related makes you an automatic 10/10 friend to him.

- Would sing musical songs with you too, and would actually be good at it too??

- He also makes jokes about broadcasting you on his radio show, but just leaves it at that.

- Just to be safe don't ever go on it.

- As for you being a femboy, man does not care

- Like he's chill with Angel dust, and probably other femboys (I can't think of anymore characters who are femboys, sue me.)

- Over all, 7/10, little worried he may or may not actually kill you live.

Angel Dust -

- Bro...

- Y'all twinning fr.

- Femboy + musical nerd combo honestly slays.

- Will preform musicals with you, tried his hardest to sing but he's a fucking tenor and most men are baritones (at least from what I know pookies) so it's a little goofy occasionally

- But he honestly doesn't give a singular shit as to any of that, long as you're happy

- 20/10, he slays hardcore, and at least he tries.

Husk -

- I actually don't know what to write for him???

- Like I don't think he would care?????

- He just likes chilling, so as ling as you can keep a good conversation going for monger than 20 seconds, then it's all good.

- 5/10, he's confusing me y'all

Lucifer -

- JERMEY JORDAN MY HUSBAND

- Anyways, yes he's Jermey Jordan y'all.

- Sings with you constantly, like CONSTANTLY

- Y'all also sometimes use the ducks to remake the musical

- It's so silly goofy

- As for you being a femboy...

- He's legit the ruler of hell, he will get you all of the clothing and makeup you want

- Like thats a promise.

- 10/10, just the perfect amount of support and love.

Sorry this is like oddly short 😭 I just felt there wasn't really much to say, but I hope you enjoyed!!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel x reader #platonic #hazbin hotel angel dust #husk hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #i'm losing my mind

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frozenfrogz · 3 months

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Okay. This whole village with three waterfalls thing is definitely something. Hey, not saying i’m not at least a little delusional…but that’s still just so funny.

#el come live with me and my three waterfalls #yeah cause that’s definitely what he says #out of all the obvious words in the speech i think it’s pretty clear that’s not what they are talking about #three waterfalls?#why three tho 😭#byler #will byers #mike wheeler #byler is endgame #byler is canon #byler is real #anti mileven #stranger things #s5 byler

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fromtheseventhhell · 11 months

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Interesting how the Trident incident is the only moment where people question Joffrey's capacity for cruelty. He is almost universally considered one of the worst asoiaf characters, with no redeemable qualities. No one ever attempts to justify his actions when he abuses Sansa, orders Ned's executions, or any of his other many acts of violence. It's only this moment, a moment meant to introduce us to his cruel nature, that people seem to believe him to be a rational character with limits. It's honestly laughable. It's evident that the people who think like this are just biased against Arya; the majority of these arguments are centered not around Joffrey's violence, but Arya's actions to defend Mycah. People seem to truly believe that the better option would have been to let Joffrey "have his fun" and torment Mycah.

Debating how badly Joffrey would've hurt Mycah misses the entire point of the moment. Joffrey attacks Mycah because he's lowborn, he finds amusement in tormenting others, and he knows he can get away with it. He was quick to pull his sword and draw blood and, from what we know of his character, he undoubtedly would've taken it further. Arya stands up to him because she thinks that Mycah is worth defending which is significant considering she is the only one to do so. She is also the only character who mourns him and is affected by his senseless death, even books later (Ned is affected by his death but I wouldn't say he mourns him, although it is a moment that influences his feelings towards the Lannisters and Robert). Even if, which is a very big if, Joffery hadn't intended to go any further he had already crossed a line by attacking Mycah. The only alternative would be that Arya simply sits by and watches Joffrey further injure Mycah...and that's somehow the "better" option?

The people coming to the conclusion that Arya was the one who escalated the situation (and that it's somehow not Joffrey pulling his sword on an innocent boy) are coming from the perspective of the classist society that they live in. Joffrey attacking a lowborn boy wasn't an issue worth action, but harming a prince is "wrong". Mycah being attacked, and later murdered, is seen as inconsequential to the other characters (and readers) because he is lowborn. That's the thing though. You aren't supposed to look at this situation where a young boy is murdered for no reason and think that the only one who defended should've behaved differently. This moment is a criticism of the classist society these characters live in. It is significant that Arya is markedly less classist than a majority of other characters and cares when no one else does.

Further, if Arya were truly in the wrong for her actions then Joffrey wouldn't have needed to lie about what happened. From the very existence of the "trial" and Arya being given the chance to tell her version of events, we know that there wouldn't be any punishment if the truth of the situation had been told from the very beginning. The only reason there was an issue is because Joffrey decided to attack Mycah, and then later lie about what happened. Arya is not responsible for Joffrey's cruelty, Cersei's enabling, or Robert's subsequent apathy. The fact that people can't seem to comprehend this is maddening. I've never seen people have the same attitude towards Sansa for speaking up for Dontos, even though it incurred Joffrey's wrath and would've escalated had Sandor not spoken up. Why are Sansa's actions brave and kind, but Arya's are seen as stupid and reckless? What happened to not blaming young characters for the actions of others?

This is one of those things where the fandom decides for themselves that they know the story being told, without actually looking at how it's written. They would rather debate on (baseless) hypotheticals than look at why George presented the story to us the way he did. It takes an insane amount of misinterpretation to decide that Arya's actions are the reason for Mycah's death and misses a, rather large, point being made by the author. Notably, none of these people can ever provide evidence from the book to support their insistence that Joffrey would've simply left Mycah alone. You would think that since that's the basis of their argument and they're so adamant that their analysis is correct, they would be able to support their reasoning. It's almost as though the books don't support their interpretations...

#arya stark #ned stark #joffrey baratheon #the trident incident #anti arya bs #fandom nonsense #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #people are joining the class wars on the side of classism and that's just insane to me sdksdkdsk #you are not supposed to think that Arya defending a lowborn boy being attacked is wrong! or that her not being classist is wrong oh my god #yeah George's point was totally that it's better to bow to classist ideals than defend those who are unfairly treated /srs #he wrote a bunch of characters victimized by a bigoted society cause he was in a silly goofy mood he definitely wasn't making a point 🤪#I've said this before but it really is alarming that George has more progressive ideas then a lot of people in fandom #anyways it rocks that Arya defended Mycah it rocks that she isn't classist it rocks that she wants justice for him #it rocks that she's constantly thinking about trying to protect those who can't protect themselves and that she wants justice for them #hurray for privileged characters growing beyond the ignorance of the society they were raised in!!!#praying people don't try and misinterpret what I said because my point about Sansa/Dontos isn't that she was wrong for speaking up for him #it's that people are hypocritical and biased when it comes to Arya and her behavior #the same people who say you can't blame Sansa for lying will blame Arya for Mycah and Lady's death it's honestly hilarious

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moeblob · 2 months

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Karen: LMAO every guy I meet reminds me of my big brothers that's so funny except if Paul is already my brother and you're also a brother that's a bit awkward, huh Hot bartender: THATS MOVING REALLY FAST AND I LIKE YOU AS A PERSON BUT - Karen: having my brothers date would be SO WEIRD Hot bartender: Well on the bright side I literally cannot speak more than five words to him so we aren't dating because he's so cute

(Everyone else: that is somehow the most depressing bright side we never want to hear)

#my characters #oops i fell in love #I just think its really funny how i view so many of the cast as either the only child or #somehow still the only child but with twin cousins that he grew up with somewhat like siblings but is older than them #and then THESE TWO LOSERS (beloveds) are definitely younger siblings #there is no way Karen developed her personality without the help of older brothers #there is also a very funny and agonizing thing where she is super single cause she can't view a guy as more than a brother #she meets an asshole and is like wow just getting huge brother vibes from him wtf #and meets the nicest man possible and is like HOW IS HE ALSO LIKE A BROTHER I WILL NEVER LOVE ROMANTICALLY #and she has all of the guy friends and its very clear if they were interested she has long since friendzoned them #but its fine because they all are also convinced that shes exactly what it would be like to have a brother #so its fine its all good no one really agonizes over not romancing her and she just as a found family in everyone #hi my name is salmon and you may recall my feheroes experience where i want to give a certain male all of the siblings #the sibling adopter extraordinaire ? yeah thats basically karen now that i think about it #you know one time at work at my first job there was a girl who had a crush on a guy and we all worked the same shift a lot #and one day she was whining because he was so friendly to me and he looks at the girl straight faced and says #ITS BROS BEFORE HOES aint that right and im like uh huh sure thats exactly right #and later i told him i really wanted to know where she went wrong because i had a crush on him in school until he opened his mouth #and hes like yeah sucks to wanna date me you made the right choice #and i just ..... will never forget that weird guy #he saw me in a hoodie once and goes NO WAY I HAVE THE SAME ONE and then makes sure he brings it in next time we work together to prove it #he was like an annoying younger brother to me and i thought it was very funny that apparently i too am a sibling to him #i might be adopted and i might be biased but i think everyone could use an adopted sibling that they dont live with #thats a special bond ok im just sayin #also sorry its so late tonight i had some uhhhhhh problems haha

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blueper-saiyan · 29 days

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Despite not enjoying reading Planet Vegeta survives AUs very much, I still end up spending a fair amount of time thinking about what Vegeta would have been like if he’d actually grown up in the role of prince like he was supposed to. Obviously, he would have still been a tyrannical mass murderer except with far less insecurity and trauma, but that’s not really what I find interesting. I’m curious how he would view his role. In the regular timeline where basically every other Saiyan dies, he’s clearly (imo) decided that he needs to embody the absolute ideal for a Saiyan (or at least the version that he’s come up with, which is strongly biased by the fact that he grew up with only one adult Saiyan, was surrounded by people who hate his whole species, and was influenced by Freeza who both enjoyed messing with him and could directly profit if Vegeta was wrong about his own culture. So uh, probably not a particularly accurate version. But that’s a different concept to explore.). I’m not even sure if it was a conscious decision by Vegeta or not now that I think about it. Being very likely to be the last member of his species puts a very strong pressure to live up to or down to the expectations that everyone who met him would have. Beyond that, he’s royalty, and that means he’s supposed to be held to a higher standard, so he’d feel that pressure to leave a final impression even more than Nappa or Raditz. (And they both seem to care about it too, especially Raditz, which is interesting, but I’ll leave that sort of meta to the hardcore Raditz fans since I mostly just care about Raditz for the way he impacts Vegeta and don’t think as strongly about him)

So in contrast to the canon timeline, if Vegeta was growing up in a timeline where there were plenty of other Saiyans, would he feel that same pressure to be exactly what everyone expects of him? He’d have a more accurate picture of those expectations as well. I can’t decide whether or not I think that alternate version of Vegeta would still want to be the perfect Saiyan in quite the same way. Would he chafe against the actual ideal if it wasn’t more or less a framework he formed for himself? Would being able to actually be judged against it make it less appealing? What if some of the ideas about what makes a good Saiyan were things he disagreed with? Or would he still be loyal to his species and do the best he could to be the perfect Saiyan prince and then king, regardless of how high that standard might be or how much he dislikes some of it? He’s certainly canonically willing to subject himself to an impossible standard that causes him and everyone else a lot of problems. But is that only because it’s a standard he constructed himself?

Admittedly, at that level of divergence in experiences between canon Vegeta and a Planet Vegeta lives AU Vegeta, it’s hard to even really call the resulting character Vegeta still (the reason I don’t enjoy Planet Vegeta lives AUs) but I do feel like something about this question has relevance to actual Vegeta’s characterization and motives. Does he care so strongly about being Saiyan only because they’re all dead and therefore he’s forced to represent the whole species whether or not he wants to, and he’s embraced it at this point? Or is it because his father did a good job of instilling pride in him during the brief time they were together (for all the good and ill that his pride has caused)? Is he only so devoted to his “Saiyan pride” because he’s the one who came up with his version and no one else can truly decide how well he’s following it? Or does not having any external validation of how well he’s doing just make his self-imposed (and generally self-destructive) task harder? How much of why he’s so insistent on it is due to Freeza?

Freeza has a line shortly before he starts torturing Vegeta that I think about sometimes, where he basically says that he thought Vegeta was special and better than the other Saiyans. Up to your interpretation of Freeza whether Freeza genuinely believed that Vegeta is special somehow or if he was just doing some particularly cruel emotional manipulation there. Regardless of the intent behind it, if that was the attitude that Freeza was demonstrating most of the time, maybe Vegeta doubled down on being Saiyan because Freeza kept trying to claim he wasn’t like them, and he was able to see the insult. There’s also an alternative interpretation of Vegeta that he was convinced he was better than the rest of his species because of the way Freeza treated him. It’s an extremely good way to isolate him after all. In which case Vegeta only started (I often mentally call it “performing Saiyan pride” but I’m sure there’s a better way to refer to the behavior) after realizing he’d been lied to and manipulated for the majority of his life. So embracing being Saiyan so aggressively is a sort of penance for discrediting his people in the past. Or if he’d been performing Saiyan pride all along, the reveal that Freeza killed the Saiyans just spurred on a more intense performance.

Seeing a version of Vegeta with different pressures on him might give answers to some of these questions I have about why he behaves the way he does (yes it’s because he was never meant to be inspected this closely and he takes the roles he needs to for the sake of the plot, no I do not care I’m taking him seriously anyway), so I end up thinking about that version of him where he knows for sure what it means to be a Saiyan.

#Vegeta #dbz #long post #More or less a long post at least #I also think that how few other Saiyans Vegeta has really met is absolutely part of why he was willing to wait #Three hours to meet Goku like yeah he says he wants to torture him but there’s definitely some curiosity there #He just can’t admit to it because that goes against his idea of what a Saiyan is supposed to be #There’s also definitely still more to explore in why Vegeta performs Saiyan pride so aggressively that wasn’t relevant to an AU where #Vegeta knows a lot of other Saiyans #Like in the canon timeline how much did meeting Goku #Who is not at all like what Vegeta thinks a saiyan should be #Cause Vegeta to double down on his saiyan pride?#I barely even touched the surface of whatever the fuck was up with Vegeta and Freeza because that’s at least another essay #That I tend to leave to people with more qualifications to write

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