#you know that scene in perks of being a wallflower where he says ‘stop crying’ to himself

[dreyarts]

The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

I have been distracting myself with anime lately; it's the only thing that's been tolerable by my body and mind. But at such a random night because of a hashtag from TikTok, I decided to watch THIS movie. It awoken something in me — on the contrary, it REIGNITED my love for films about romance. I've always been a hopeless romantic and I keep being like that but because of academics I lost the will to watch movies that gave me and made me feel emotions. It's this type of stories that got me hopeful in my life. Let's stop talking about me being a hopeless romantic and focus why I'm writing this.

It's these type of stories that I hate and love. These kind of stories where it give me an OVERWHELMING amount of random emotions into one scene. You see... It wasn't just about love and there was someone STRUGGLING with his emotions and trying to keep up with it. You see love, friendships, and hardships; several others I know I haven't felt before and some that I want and don't want to feel. The perfect chemistry if I do say so myself. I'm simple lad with stoic energy and it's not often that a movie would actually make me want to cry. It's been so long since I felt this.

Ever since I got into Fine arts, I've started looking at details at which I ignored before. And the details I saw in that movie are so elegant. When Sam first entered the scene she had flood lights behind her at which any normal person would say that it's bothersome as she's against the light but I think it's completely wrong. That scene was so perfect even though technically she was against the light. But the thing is, it wasn't just showing Sam, it was the main leads pov. And the light was on the right spot because when the light was completely covered by her head, she looks like an eclipse and as there's a corona of light behind her symbolizing how beautiful and amazing she was at first sight of the main lead.

When Charlie decided to date Mary Elizabeth, it someone made me think about what it feels like and how'll it affect my life if I dated someone that I actually never liked before. It's so completely different when you see someone that you actually feel loved for from when you date someone you hope you can love. I think no matter how easy or convenient it is to just get a partner there's always going to be something missing when your feelings aren't INTERTWINED.

It wasn't just about romantic relationships, the way how Charlie's family responded to him and how he felt was an amazing portrayal of how families should show emotions and support when needed. I love the part that part when charlie barge in to her sister's room ready to kick someones arse when ponytail derek hit his sister. I love how his sister responded when he was in the rough part of his life in the movie; how his brother acknowledged him; how supportive his parents were; how his english teacher was observant and how open his new found senior friends were. The movie was well composed, like well written notes.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

[daenerys-targaryen]

me questioning my true intentions on wanting help convincing myself that I actually don’t need help and that I’m just being selfish and then my out of the box thinking brain then tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself and that that ITSELF is selfish... the clownery

#leah rambles #I! hate! my! brain! so! much! #welcome back to me complaining #regardless of what is happening I always find a way to make it about Me #and I don’t know if I’m doing it like?? subconsciously??? #like I guess I can’t stand it if I’m not the main focus?? #and then I FEEL GUILTY FOR DOING IT #I’m just tired #I’m so tired of fighting with my own brain lol #you know that scene in perks of being a wallflower where he says ‘stop crying’ to himself #bec he’s telling himself it’s not important/ his feelings don’t matter #ya

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

so, I personally think The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky is one of the best (if not the best) teen book of all time and in general just one of the best books out there and I’m tired of it being slandered as “pretentious” so here’s a list of reasons why it’s so freaking good:

first things first, I feel like Stephen Chbosky is one of the few (adult) writers who truly gets what it’s like to be a teen. some writers pretend teenagers are unknowing little kids, some do get closer to what the reality looks like but he just. went all in. Charlie has so many of the typical teenager experience while also being a really deep character who has profound conversations about his friends but sometimes also just gets really high

Charlie in general is one of my favorite fictional characters ever. as a teen, I was struggling with similar feelings as him, and I felt so undersood by him. like how he would sometimes just spend hurs looking at other people asking himself what their life might be like. how he is painfully awkward and doesn’t know how to tell a girl he actually doesn’t like her that way because he doesn’t want to hurt her. how he literally says he doesn’t want to be dead, he just wishes he could fall asleep for a little while. the way he so deeply cares about his friends even if he sometimes goes about it the wrong way. and so much more

the quote “we accept the love we think we deserve” has literally changed my life. like, I think it’s so true and oftentimes when I looked back on toxic people I couldn’t let go I would think back on this quote and be like. oh. yeah. it makes sense.

the fact that I’ve read the book over five times now and watched the move like 20 times and every time I still find something new and intriguing about it. like, it just never gets boring

the first time I read it was when I was 15, like Charlie, and I felt really down and sad all of the time and this book gave me a sense of hope. Like, maybe not everything will be perfect one day, but it will get okay, eventually.

I just generally like the message it carries about mental health. I literally have the quote “So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. Maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even though we can’t choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.” memorized. Whenever I experience a difficult time, I remember this quote and know that yes, what is happening to me is shitty and I can’t do anythign about that or what has been done to me in the past and traumatized me but I can still choose how I want to proceed. I also love the notion, as I said, of “we can try to feel okay about them”. like, I don’t even have to feel happy about my life. Maybe okay is enough. Okay is achievable.

while we’re on the topic of its messages, I also like that it tackles the issue of feeling as though you cannot complain about difficult stuff that’s going on in your life because others have it worse. Several of my friends (as well as I once) struggle with reaching out to others because we think our problems are not worth talking about. I really like that Charlie concludes that yeah, there will always be people who have it worse but that doesn’t make your struggle less valid. If it’s difficult for YOU, it already deserves to be talked about.

quick not-that-serious note but THE MUSIC? okay that’s not so prominent in the books but Charlie’s music taste is just. impeccable

(SPOILER) I love that the book talks about sexual assault both on men and women. Sexual assault is still a topic of taboo, but definitely was even more so one when the book was released. And it also tackles it in such a good way imo.

LET’S TALK ABOUT PATRICK. I love how the book and Charlie don’t make a big deal out of Patrick being gay. I mean this book was written from the perspective of the 90s, still the author chose not to focus on homophobia towards Patrick, but rather on how he’s a normal person and just wants to love and be loved like everyone else, and everyone in his closest circle supports him wholeheartedly.

one thing that is diferent from the movies which I love about the book is its talk about masculinity. In one scene in the book, Charlie remembers how his father went into the kitchen and cried after watching the last episode of M.A.S.H.. He teaches his sons that crying in public is not acceptable and I love how the book discusses the negative influences of toxic masculinity on men and how it might lead to them feeling as though they cannot express their emotions, ever.

another scene I love in the book is when Charlie talks about his grnadfather and how he grew up poor and wanted his daughters to do better and so he slapped them if the got bad grades. I also love the introspection of his grandfather and how he recognizes that some of that might have been the reason why Aunt Helen turned out the way she did. The book also talks about Charlie’s dad, and how his father was abused by his father as a kid, and as a result he promised himself to never do physical harm to his kids, ever.

another thing that I found really relatable is how Charlie is constantly not really there. He either, as I’ve already mentioned, wonders what other people’s lives might be like or thinks about how someday all of what is currently happening to him will be just a story, and that also prevents him from really being there. I am definitely guilty of that too and sometimes I have these moments of coming back down to earth and realising that all this time has passed and I never really participated in life.

honestly I could go on and on (for example about Sam and the discussion of making onself small so that a love interest might like you, or his sister and her abortion, etc etc) but I’ll stop now. All of this to say is that The Perks seriously improved my life massively and I think it’s not only relevant to teens but also adults, since it tackles a lot of big life questions in such a good and valuable way. I actually find it far from pretentious and rather a very realistic depiction of so many people’s life and mental issues and undermining the way it has genuinely improved other people’s life is shitty and I think people should, just, stop it. Just because it’s a teen book doesn’t mean that it cannot be good

#long post #the perks of being a wallflower #the perks #2 ppl liked my text post so this rant goes out to u guys askhdahs

[dontgotothenetherworld]

love alarm au 2 (frankie x phoenix)

p1

i really enjoyed this au, so i decided to write a second part! this one starts at about the same time as the last part ended, right after frankie walks off.

2005 words

cw: nbjo.

frankie was determined to figure out who had rang her alarm. she told y/n earlier that she didn’t care, but that was a lie. she just didn’t want you prying.

she was certain there was only two people who had runge her alarm. she knew that jo was one. it was incredibly awkward that she hadn’t rung their alarm, but they were bound to figure it out sooner or later.

but the second? frankie needed to know.

as she had been walking to y/n’s classroom, she had walked past the library, with her love alarm app open, obviously, and it had gone off. the number had quickly jumped back down to zero as she kept walking, so frankie assumed the person was inside.

she turned the corner, out of sight from you and her brother, and began running to the library. she wasn’t sure how long this person would be there, or if they had already left.

she ripped the door open. she quickly composed herself when she saw a boy, who had been walking toward the exit, staring at her oddly. the boy was familiar, recently transferred to her english class.

”oh! hi! phoenix, what are you doing here?” frankie asked.

”checking out a book, obviously.” he held up a thin green paperback. “is that not what you’re here to do?”

”uhh not exactly.” frankie pulled her phone out, “you see, i have love alarm, do you have it? anyway, i was walking by here earlier, and someone rang it. so, on the off chance that they’re still in here, i really need to know who it is. is there anyone else here?” frankie blurted.

”slow down there, frankie.” phoenix laughed.

”do you have love alarm?” frankie asked again, this time showing him her screen open to the app.

”i downloaded it this morning,” phoenix started, “but i deleted it a little while ago.”

frankie deflated a bit. “why’d you do that? also, is anyone else in here?” frankie looked over his shoulders.

phoenix looked back. “unless the it’s the librarian, which i think would be kind of illegal, i don’t think so.”

frankie squinted her eyes at the librarian. he was a recent college graduate, and had quite a collection of literature themed button up shirts. “y’know… illegal, but…”

”very illegal, please get that idea out of your head.”

”thought gone, head empty, happy?”

phoenix laughed, “sure.”

”wait, so why did you delete the app?”

phoenix shrugged, “it just didn’t sit right to me. i really don’t feel like love should be told by an app. and also i just moved here, so it’s basically definite that now one gives a shit about me yet.”

frankie, who really hoped that phoenix had rung her alarm earlier, asked, “did it ring while you had it?”

phoenix looked down, embarrassed, “i only checked in crowded places, because… more people, it’s more likely that one of them has a crush on me. that’s how it works, right? maybe not because it didn’t change from zero all day.”

frankie reached out to grab his arm, to try to comfort him.

”what about you? i mean, obviously at least one person did, because you barrelled in here.”

frankie hesitated for a second, “just the one.” she lied. she didn’t really think it over, the lie. but she wanted him to think that she would definitely be available to him, if he had a crush on her. she would be anyway, but it’s a bit harder to explain the best friends with benefits, where one person accidentally caught feelings, situation she had with jo. well, it wasn’t hard to explain, but she didn’t want to give phoenix the wrong impression. but he seemed understanding, so he might get it.

whatever, she had already said the lie. too late to take it back now.

phoenix was very attractive, she’d stop fucking with jo to fall in love with him in a heartbeat. frankie was suddenly glad that he had deleted the app, otherwise sometime during their conversation, his alarm would suddenly go off, and it definitely wasn’t the hot librarian.

frankie glanced at the hot librarian again. if only it weren’t so illegal.... frankie should read more often. damn. 

”well, i’ve got to go. and since you involved me in this, i am now very invested in if you figure out who this person is, can i please give you my number so you can keep me updated.” said phoenix.

”uh sure.” frankie handed him her phone.

”i know this is a weird way to make friends, but hey, i’m new. text me even if it’s not love alarm related.” phoenix smiled and started walking out, towards the parking lot.

frankie briefly considered chasing after him, begging him to redownload love alarm, and rejoice in their shared ring, but decided otherwise. she had a book to check out, anyway.

phoenix was somehow able to act cool the entire time he was talking to frankie, but now that he was by himself, he was shaking like a car on an old wooden roller coaster. it was bad, but luckily most everyone else had already left the school. or else they were in the school, doing club stuff, or on some unseen field. 

phoenix slid into the driver’s seat of his dad’s old car, even though he had no intention of driving home at that time. he needed to relax a little before he felt he would be safe enough on the road.

phoenix opened the book he had just checked out from the library. the perks of being a wallflower. the librarian, who frankie thought was attractive, had recommended it to him. phoenix had been expecting a less well known recommendation from a guy who looked like he considered ‘indie’ to be one of his personality traits. not only that, he looked like the kind of guy who had a superiority complex about liking things that no one else had ever heard of.

phoenix read about two and a half sentences before he noticed something moving from the corner of his eye. one of the only other cars in his row, a good five or so spaces down, there was someone hunched over their steering wheel.

phoenix turned back to his book. he had decided that whatever they were going through was none of his business.

he looked up again. the person had straightened up, and he was able to see their tear streaked face.

phoenix turned back to his book, but he was contemplating why they were crying, instead of really absorbing the words.

phoenix turned back to look at them. this person just looked like they needed someone to vent to. or at least just know that they could vent to someone if they needed to.

phoenix had made up his mind, he was going to walk over to them. he felt a little bit of anxiety, worried that they might be rude to him, even though he just wanted to help, but he decided that potentially making them feel better was worth it. but what if he made them feel worse? shit... 

phoenix knocked on the driver’s side window. they lowered it.

pawing away at their tears they said, “what do you want.”

it slightly bother phoenix that they phrased a question as a statement, but he said, “you were, um, crying and stuff, and i wanted to know if you needed to, uh, vent to someone. but if that’s stupid and i shouldn’t have walked over here, i can drive off and pretend this never happened.”

they stared at him oddly. “y’know what? i do need to vent, thanks.” they unlocked the car doors, and gestured for phoenix to sit shotgun.

”i’m phoenix, by the way.” he said as he sat.

”jo.” they rolled up their window. “so... “ they tried to figure out where to start, “my best friend and i, well… a while ago we started hooking up. i thought that she had feelings for me, right? but thanks to this fucking love alarm, she knows that i have feelings for her, but my alarm hasn’t gone off once! all day!”

”that sucks, but you know people can’t control their feelings…”

”i know that! i’m not really even upset about that. it’s just… she hasn’t addressed it. she hasn’t mentioned it. and she seems to still want to hook up with me!”

”and you want more than that?”

”hell no! not if she doesn’t have feelings for me! i just want her to stop using me. i either want her to be just my friend, or my girlfriend.”

”have you tried telling her that?” phoenix was trying to be supportive, but he was pretty sure he was just become the combination of every scene like this that he had seen in movies or tv shows, and he was just regurgitating those words.

”i don’t think she’d listen…” jo said glumly. “frankie cares about herself far more than she cares about anyone else.”

frankie? wait a minute, what’s going on here… “frankie healy?” phoenix asked.

”yeah, why?”

phoenix started thinking out loud, “so… i was just talking to her in the library, and she said that only one person had rung her love alarm all day, but… you just said you rang hers, and she told me that she was trying to figure out who it was that rang hers.”

”she was trying to figure it out? she told me that she didn’t care. and why the fuck would she say that only one person rang hers?”

”i’m trying to figure that out too. what would she have to gain from telling me that?”

”probably avoiding talking about our relationship, like she always does…”

the two sat in silence, mulling over their newfound knowledge.

jo suddenly realized something. they looked up at phoenix, “she likes you.”

”what?”

”she didn’t want you to think that there was anyone else in the way of you dating her, so she conveniently didn’t mention me.”

”that’s ridiculous, she doesn’t even know who rang her alarm. the other person, that is.”

”did you open the app with her?”

”no, i deleted it like an hour ago.”

”do me a favor, and don’t download it again.” jo advised. “she definitely thinks it’s you who rang her alarm, and i don’t think she cares if she’s wrong.”

”what do you mean?” phoenix asked.

jo groaned. “this damn has probably just made it easier for her. she’ll use it to find people who like her, then use the people until she’s done with them.”

”wait a minute, you don’t know that.”

”yes i do, i have super psychic powers, and i’m predicting the future for you! you don’t want to just be the first person in her string of flings, do you?”

”i… don’t think so. but wait, frankie seems so nice.”

”that’s how she gets you! ugh i am definitely going to tell her how i feel.” jo got their phone out and started texting. “thank you so much for this, phoenix.”

phoenix took that as them asking him to leave.

”oh, wait. what’s your number? i need to keep you updated on this.”

phoenix told them, and they sent a smiley face.

”i should probably get going.” he said, glancing at the time on his phone.

”okay, bye! seriously, i really needed this conversation, so i’m going to thank you some more.” they smiled at him.

phoenix weakly smiled back, and jogged back to his car. he started the engine, even though his head was up in the clouds.

was that a good thing? did he do jo a favor with that? or was he just the catalyst in their radical conclusion?

he figured that jo would’ve ended up at that, no matter if he had talked to them or not, but he still felt personally responsible.

he checked the time. shit, he was going to have to hurry home if he wanted to drop his school stuff off before work.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy @eliza-is-confused @boredomimi

#jagged little pill #jagged little pill musical #jagged little pill broadway #jlp #jlp broadway #jagged little pill fanfiction #jlp fanfiction #phoenix #phoenix jagged little pill #phoenix jlp #frankie healy #frankie x phoenix #love alarm au #fic

[xwherethelittlethingsarex]

have u ever been heart broken?

Yes, I have been heart broken. Honestly, I think it is something we all have been through. We all know what it is like to be broken and we all have broken another without the intention of doing.

Emotions are what make us human. We all have to go through the bad ones just as well as the good. I wrote something a year ago about a universal kind of language that we all share. In the end we all laugh and we all cry in the same language. It’s like music when we hear it and feelings when we feel it. We are different but in more ways we are the same. The Joys of life, the freedom of choice, the sadness we feel when we lose people that are close to us. The way we can all relate to the feeling of pain and struggle. The way our eyes light up when we talk about something that we are truly passionate about. This is not where we differ, but where we are the same on this journey of life. Of all our differences, we as human beings we all share something that is universal, this is something that makes us the same.

It’s like that quote by Helen Keller when she reminded us all: “Love is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see. That’s how universal it is.”

Looking at the list of emotions it is troubling to me to see that the majority of them are negative and only a few are listed as positive.

But Love, above all is still the most powerful emotion that exists in this world. It has the ability to defeat all of the negative emotions that we have inside us if used with respect and good intentions. It has the ability to heal, to guide and to protect.

When I truly love someone, I just want the best for them even if that person can't be with me. I want them to be happy always. Unfortunately I feel that most people become fixated on finding the right person they forget about being the right person for the person they are with.

It’s not always about the physical part of love, it is about loving someone with your heart. Loving someone enough to let them go, loving someone enough through their hard days, their down days. Remember, physical love is the easy part, it’s loving someone with your heart that’s the hard part, it’s loving someone at their highs and their lows.

I have seen highs and lows. And I know who counts and who doesn’t. I need to pay attention to who is really there for me. That person who has seen my every mood both good and bad and still wants to wake up next to me; they still value me. They still try to add happiness in my life, not take it away.

Looking back I always wondered if I really truly wasted time on situations that shouldn’t have mattered so much or on people that I didn’t really matter all that much to. I know I have but it was a learning experience and I have moved on. And in order to know that we were wasting time is through our experiences. Now I am not saying that those people had a right to treat you like you don’t matter and they certainly don’t have a right to feel like they were a lesson that you needed to learn. Most people who come into your life don’t purposely want to hurt you or let you down, it just happens. In the end they wouldn’t feel honored for “teaching you how to let go.” They would most likely have wished things would have ended differently and not end up a part of your past. But everything happens for reason, and I have learned to trust again and to love again and I have walked away from those who have offered nothing solid or positive in the forms of love and a friendship.Every lesson that was meant to teach me something has taught me a lot - and I have taken that lesson with me on my journey. The truth is we all know how to “let go” but somehow along the way we just end up trusting the wrong people or expect too much from a friend who was only willing to give so little. In the end the most beautiful lessons are not ones taught to us by our family or even at school. It is through life, trial and error, and heartbreak and pain. But those who feel they deserve an reward of teaching you lessons of letting go have the most important lesson to learn for themselves, the lesson of being a decent friend. Until they learn how to appreciate people, respect them and treat others how they want to be treated in return - it will always become the lesson they fail at by default. Remember, your life time is limited. And it is important to spend it with people that value you, appreciate you and do for you as they expect to be done for them. Love yourself just as you are. Always treat people fairly and with kindness and compassion. When it comes to letting go or moving on from a partner, don’t forget what it was like to be with a broken heart, (so do your best to be fair, to be kind and most importantly empathetic to everyone around you and to the people you love the most and who love you equally in return.)

One of my favorite books is Perks of Being A Wallflower and one of my favorite quotes from the book and scene in the movie is the conversation Charlie had with Sam about love and the type of love we accept in different times in our lives. Sam stated to Charlie in his room, “Why do I and everyone I love... pick people who treat us like we're nothing?" And Charlie then said to Sam, "We accept the love we think we deserve." I thought Emma Watson was amazing as Sam and that whole scene really dug deep in me. The truth is I related more to Charlie then anyone in the book and the way he just wanted to be heard and noticed, but when it came down to expressing himself he could never say what he wanted to say. And he was always afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Like me Charlie could only express himself with writing which is why he started writing the “Dear friend," letters even though he felt no one would ever read them. He wanted to be honest with himself. He wanted to express himself. He didn't want to suffer in silence anymore. He wanted people to notice him. He wanted people to like him for who he truly was not who they wanted him to be. He wanted people to hear what he had to say and he wanted them to value his opinion. This is something we all want. This is something we all can relate to. The truth is letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible–controlling that which we cannot–and instead, focus on what is possible–which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible. “Accept yourself. Love yourself just as you are. Your finest work, your best movements, your joy, peace, and healing comes when you love yourself. You give a great gift to the world when you do that. You give others permission to do the same: to love themselves. Revel in self-love. Roll in it. Bask in it, as you would the sunshine.” - Melody Beattie Remember, there is nothing more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears. Don’t regret your time, even the moments that were filled with hurt. Smile because you learned from it and gained the strength to rise above it. In the end, it’s not what you have been through that defines who you are; it’s how you got through it that has made you the person you are today, and the person are capable of being tomorrow. I'm sorry if you suffered through a broken heart or if you are suffering at this very moment. You will get through it. You will learn to love again. Stay strong. <3

Love, Joanna Stratford

#Writing #books #publishing #letting go #moving on #moving forward #life #lessons #changes #happiness #sadness #learning #pain #loss #love #realtionships #Perks of Being a Wallflower #Emma Watson #Truth #honesty #personal #Joanna Stratford #heartbreak #Universal #Depression #Recovery #Stephen Chbosky #Helen Keller

[killer-barnes]

Love Is Complicated

Tom Holland x reader

Request: Yes

Summary: The Reader confesses about their want to fall in love and ends up having an emotional conversation with Tom, their best friend, during movie day.

Word Count: 1,949

Warnings: Language, fluff, err… emotional romance, love confessions, (let me know if I missed any pls).

A/N: Alright, guys. I know it’s been a while, but I just haven’t been in the mood to write and have been in a funk recently. But I pushed this out somehow with my definite lack of experience. It’s raining and it’s calming me, so maybe that’s why. I’m sorry to the anon that requested this. This is probably not what you wanted. :// I’ll stop rambling. Enjoy!

Love.

It’s something that most people want or desire in life.

It’s something that brings a smile to someone’s face or gives them a sheer moment of pure joy and happiness.

But, it’s something that you didn’t have.

Why?

Because love is complicated.

Not that you were a total romantic or anything, you just enjoyed the thought of falling in love.

Having never been in a relationship, you didn’t know what it felt like to be in that situation and it was something you were always wanting and waiting for.

But it never came your way, which gave you the impression that it would never happen.

That was until you met your best friend, Tom.

Your interest in love began around your teen ages and escalated as you grew older, especially with you vast array of romantic films and TV shows.

You would always say to your friends that you “hated” them.

But in reality, instead of going out with them one night, you decided to watch some random, cheesy romantic movie, which ended with an empty carton of ice cream and a load of tissues scattered around your apartment.

Of course no one found out, but your longing for love never ceased.

It left you with an empty heart.

It wasn’t something you could tell your best friend, Tom, about.

Not because he was a boy, but because he was your best friend/crush.

However, he knows nothing about the crush and you try desperately to keep it that way.

Until one day, you slipped up as you two were hanging out around his place.

You were going over to Tom’s to hang out as you both usually did and watched random ass movies that were on the TV.

It didn’t matter what they were of, you both just enjoyed making fun of the horrible films that people decided to play for the whole world to see.

But today was different.

Tom decided it would be fun to surprise you with a movie of his choice, which left you in a ball of nervousness.

Fuck…

I swear if it’s a love story I’m going to flip my shit.

You thought, silently cursing yourself as you walk up the steps to Tom’s apartment.

Arriving to the door, you calm yourself, and knock in an appropriate manner waiting patiently for your best friend to open the door,

Hearing a muffled “coming,” you nervously hide your shaky hands into the sleeve of your sweatshirt as the door abruptly opens, revealing a bright, soft, tousled haired, Tom.

“Hey, Y/N! Ready for movie day?! I’ve got all the goods. Snacks, blankets, drinks, you know the whole ordeal,” he exclaims, walking into the apartment while pointing to the items he listed off.

“You bet! So, w-what surprise movie are we watching?” you ask with slight raise of sound in your voice.

Turning to look at you with a wicked grin, Tom replies, “you’ll see…”

Nervously taking a glance towards him, you head towards the couch.

Well, this could go several ways.

Either some lame ass action movie with too much CGI.

Or

Some random romantic movie that makes me bawl my eyes out.

In other words, this should be fun.

After setting up Tom’s couch in a comfortable way with his never ending supply of blankets and pillows, you look towards the kitchen seeing him struggle to bring everything over.

“You gonna help or just watch me struggle, love?”

Blushing at the pet name, you snarkily reply, “meh, you seem to be doing juuuust fine, Tommy. Besides, I found the perfect spot.”

“Oh, c’mon! That’s my favorite spot, Y/N! And unless you want to eat your popcorn off the floor, you should help your best friend out. Please!” Tom whines, struggling to hold the items in his lanky hands.

Sighing dramatically, you get up from your spot.

“Alright, don’t get your panties in a twist, I’m coming.”

“Panties?”

“Hey, I ain’t one to judge. Just assumed from your girly attitude.”

Tom scoffs, while trying to cover a laugh.

“Alright, weirdo. Let’s go watch the movie.”

Covering the TV screen so he can hide the surprise movie, you roll your eyes at his dorkiness.

Once the movie begins, Tom races back towards where you’re seated, and snuggles into your side, as he does at every movie day.

You smile down at him as your gaze returns to the screen lighting up the dark apartment.

However, you freeze in your seat as the title appears across the screen.

Perks of Being a Wallflower

Well, fuck me.

You’ve seen this particular one several times, alone of course, but it always seemed to get to you.

You just wanted to fall in love and be like Emma Watson as she finally gets together with Charlie (even though she leaves for college at the end, but that’s not the point).

You felt as though you related to her situation.

She pushes her true desires and wants away, instead of facing them full on, like finally realizing how much of a wonderful, kind, and sweet person Charlie is.

He can love her more than any of those other boys combined.

It was most definitely a tearjerker in your book.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Tom waving his hand in front of your dazed face.

“Hey, Y/N? Earth to Y/N?”

“O-Oh, sorry. Just thinking,” you reply sheepishly pushing your thoughts of love aside.

With a smile tugging his features, he replies, “you’re going to love it.”

Chuckling at his remarks, you turn your attention back to the screen nervously controlling your rapidly beating heart.

Yeah, because I’ve already seen it.

When it came to hiding your feelings towards Tom, you were pretty good at it.

You didn’t want to damage the relationship you guys have had for god knows how long.

It means way more than your want to “fall in love.”

He probably thinks it’s pathetic anyways, especially since he picked this movie.

It was one of your favorites, but he didn’t need to know that detail.

Half way through the movie, Tom hasn’t said a word.

You’ve seen it several times, but every time, you felt so many new emotions.

For Tom, he felt connected to Charlie in a sense.

He’s been trying so hard to give you signals that he wants to be with you, but he gets nothing in return.

Tom feels rejected, but even though he’s been in love with you since the beginning, he doesn’t want to risk the relationship.

But at the same time, if he does nothing, someone might snatch you up instead.

He knows he could treat you right, more than that one ‘hot guy’ that seems to be bothering you at your day job at the cafe down the street.

That’s why he wanted to surprise you with this movie.

He wanted to make his move.

However, he didn’t realize that you felt the same and the movie was influencing your feelings, which were hard to control once you fully took into account the amount of romance appearing on the screen.

It was coming to that one particular scene that always makes you cry.

Charlie and Sam are sitting in her room on the last night before she leaves for college and they are discussing about love and why Charlie never got together with Sam.

It’s something that you think about with Tom a lot.

You didn’t want to rip him apart, but at the same time, not being able to fall in love, or better yet, express that love, was ripping you, instead.

The one line that really sets off the tears begins as Charlie explains to Sam, “well… we accept the love we think we deserve.”

Tears are slowly cascading down your cheeks, as you try your best to hold in your sobs.

Tom doesn’t seem to notice until he hears a sniffle come from your end of the snuggling mess you two are absorbed in.

You feel Tom’s worried gaze, which causes you to panic internally.

FUCK!

He heard me, didn’t he?

Oh, shit.

I’ve been compromised.

Abort!

Abor-

Your tormenting thoughts are cut off by Tom’s soothing voice and touch against your arm.

“Y/N, are you okay? I-I, I honestly didn’t know it was going to be like this. Well, sort of, but not to make you cry?”

Quickly wiping away your tears as if you were never crying you face his direction, “what? No, I’m fine, Tom! It’s just some allergies going around, y’kno-”

Seeing right through your lies, Tom pleads with his eyes for you to tell him the truth.

Taking a breath and letting out a sigh, you mumble, “I just want to fall in love.”

“W-What?”

Pausing for a few seconds, you gather your words.

“I-I mean, I just want to be in a relationship where the love is endless, as if every time we see each other, we fall in love all over again. I-It’s just, fuck. All of these romantic movies I’ve been watching ever since I was a teen taught me what it was like to fall in love, but in reality… it’s nothing like that. I feel discouraged, I-I, I feel like I already have fallen, but they probably don’t want to be with someone like me. Look at me, I’m a mess. I-”

You were interrupted by Tom grabbing your hand and grazing his thumb peacefully over your knuckles sending you an overwhelming sense of calmness.

“Falling in love can take its time, believe me. I’ve been waiting for a while to courage up the confidence to ask someone I’ve been dying to love. They’ve been there for me through thick and thin, especially through my tough film days, I-I mean, I just, I understand, you, love. Love can be so fucking complicated and confusing that sometimes, you just want to push it away and never worry about it again.”

You’re left speechless as you feel Tom’s breath reach your face.

“But I can’t stand it anymore. I need them to know.”

Gazing into his eyes, you reply, “then let them know. What’s the worst that could hap-”

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

Your breath is caught in your throat as you take in his words.

“Y-Y-You are in love with me?”

“Ever since the beginning, but you’ve meant too much for me to risk it. I-I just can’t handle it anymore. Hearing you think about love makes me want to be with you even more. I didn’t realize how cheesy you really are, but I guess you kept that part hidden for a reason, hmm?”

Embarrassingly chuckling, you nod, adding, “I didn’t want what we have to be ruined. I realized that I-I’ve fallen in love with you, but I kept pushing it down and those romantic fucking movies didn’t help the situation at all. You just mean so damn much to me and I-”

Your voice got caught in your throat as you felt tears welling up in your already puffy eyes.

You feel Tom’s caring eyes take in your sensitive state, as he places a tender finger against your skin to shed your erupting tears.

“And I-I love you.”

You see Tom’s eyes slowly well up with tears as he absorbs those deepening words.

Chuckling with a sense of longing in his voice he replies, “you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that. I love you, Y/N. Forever and always.”

Closing your eyes and placing a delicate kiss on the surface of his plump lips, you whisper taking a sigh of relief and serenity, “forever and always.”

A/N: God, I’m sorry guys. This is a load of shit. Seriously, I have no idea what’s going on. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense. Maybe today is just not my day. Anyways, feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading.

#Tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland headcanon #peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fic #peter parker headcanons #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #spiderman fic #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers fic #avengers imagine #god im sorry this sucks #I have no idea what I was thinking while writing this #literally #it is pure horse shit #fucking hell man #forgive me on this one #fan fiction #spiderman homecoming

[lavender-montgomery]

Polaroid (2019) thoughts and feelings [SPOILERS]

I haven’t watched a good horror in a while. It is over a week into isolation from the corona virus and I’ve been glued to Disney+. I don’t think I’ve watched a horror since The Invisible Man (which I am yet to write about, I just realised I haven’t done it yet. Maybe I’ll do it tonight.)

As usual I didn’t have high hopes for this movie, considering I’d never heard of it, it’s a Netflix horror and isn’t on any other subscription service. But, I am bored, so I watched it... It surprisingly wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. 

It started off simple with a bit of back story - that you don’t realise was back story until later. My complaint about the beginning was that it was too dark. I understand darkness makes it spookier, but it was to the point wher I considered adjusting my laptop settings as no matter how I angled my screen, I could barely see it. The movie is about a camera, so it starts off with two young girls using said camera. Friend goes home and stupid girl, knowing things are creepy, walks round her house in the pitch black and goes up into her attic in the dark. Surprise surprise she dies, within minutes of the movie starting. I thought it was a bit soon to kill someone off but that’s okay, it set enough of the scene to gather what’s going on. 

The rest of the movie is about a modern day group of teens, one named Bird who wears a scarf all the time to cover a neck scar. Bird falls into possession of the camera. More dark scenes - why do they always sit in the dark in these movies? I mean, I get it, but they’re so dumb. She takes a picture of her friend and creepy wheezing entity guy kills her friend. That’s two deaths very early into the movie. Who is this guy? 

I kinda wish they waited a little before killing off the characters as I didn’t have much of a ‘bond’ with them so I didn’t care that they’d died. Also, you couldn’t see the deaths, the camera wasn’t on them when they died, you only heard it. I feel that was a cheap, cheating way to go about it. I want to see the deaths and the blood. That’s why I watch these movies. The movie woulda been so much better had they shown the death scenes.

The reason for the murder isn’t given yet but I mean, it’s pretty obvious - the camera. 

So she goes to the party and takes her camera like the dork she is, and she takes a photo of her friends and some bitchy chick took a selfie. I felt bad for Bird in this scene, she didn’t want to go to the party and she was so uncomfortable there, standing by the wall on her own while everyone else was drinking and having a good time. I definitely feel I’d be in her position if I went to that party. It was a bit awkward to watch and definitely relatable. It brought back memories. It also reminded me of Scott Pilgrim and Perks of Being a Wallflower. 

Shortly after, the next teen was killed - did I feel anything? No. Partly because, again, they didn’t let us ‘bond’ with the character, and also... She seemed a massive bitch. She didn’t do anything in particular, it’s just the way she acted. She seemed like a really nasty piece of work. 

The whole school these kids went to was sad, it reminded me of when a kid died when I was in school and everyone stood in the corridors crying and wearing black. It was an emotional time. I didn’t know the kid, but my friends did. 

It doesn’t take long for Bird to click as to what’s going on, thank God. Predictably, her friends don’t believe her until more spooky stuff happens then they do. I didn’t like how predictable this movie was, not one single thing shocked me as I knew every time what was going to happen. It was very reminiscent of The Final Destination and Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

I say this quite a lot about horror films but that’s because to me, it is a real life horror; the Entity made me think a lot of my main hallucination with my psychosis, this time more than any other movie, to the point where I nearly turned the movie off. However I continued watching as I’ve been better with it recently so hopefully I will be okay. 

Another teen dies while she’s in hospital, again, predictable. 

I liked where they discovered the origins of the camera. Turns out, it belonged to the daughter of a serial killer. He took sexual photos of his daughter, kids found out and tried to help her, so he murdered them all to silence them. He got caught just before he killed the fourth child, so he came back in spirit to finish the job. His daughter killed herself out of guilt. That was a good bit of back story I somehow wasn’t expecting, although I think now and it was quite obvious. 

Third teen dies, this time we got to know him a bit better - hurrah! I didn’t like him at all, he was an ass, so I didn’t care about his death. 

One thing I will say - the killer’s wife was really creepy, and seriously in denial about what really happened with her husband and daughter. She was probably the scariest thing in this movie, as it wasn’t scary at all.

I’m glad that allowing the killer to kill the fourth kid from back then didn’t stop him as that is such an obvious solution. Then again, so was the actual solution of taking a photo of him and destroying it. But hey, what more can I expect from such a predictable movie?

Another creepy bit was when Bird crumpled up the photo of the entity and his body was crumpled, then he walked like a spider. Contortion fascinates me, I loved this part and it inspired me to draw it. 

The worst part of the movie? At the end when she said ‘there’s something I have to do first’ and she disposed of the camera. How boring and cheesy, and a disappointing ending. I’m not sure how they should have ended it, but it shouldn’t have been with something so cliche. 

The person who played Connor reminded me of Cole Sprouse. 

Was I impressed by this movie? Somewhat. It was entertaining, I’ll give it that. It didn’t fully captivate me as I was on my phone a lot, but it was a good watch. Suitable for younger horror fans too as it wasn’t too violent, gory, play on your mind etc. It wasn’t scary but it was interesting, I’d give it a 5/10. It was an okay movie. I didn’t feel much after it, I wasn’t thinking ‘wow that was amazing’. I’d recommend it if you have absolutely nothing to watch.

#polaroid #polaroid movie #polaroid horror movie #polaroid horror film #horror film review #horror movie review #netflix horror #netflix horror review #netflix horror movie review #netflix horror film review #mine #my post #movie review #film review #horror blog

[shesdangerace]

marzipan & o captain, my captain ⛵

Marzipan; Tell us about something you like, even though many people don’t.

okay well I’m going with marmite for this one and listen. i get it. like, i do i get it. maybe i’m cursed idk. but i love marmite, give me that salty yeast spread on my toast pls and thank u. it’s delicious and aggressive and not for the weak so who’s cursed here REALLY huh?

O Captain, My Captain:  Is there any scene in a movie or book bursting of such grandness you could cry?  

oh my god where do i even start. where do i even begin. let me rattle off a few cause i can’t choose; i know that like maybe it’s cliche idk but whatever but theres a scene in perks of being wallflower (book and movie) where he’s realising his pain and just crying for hours and cant stop and that was grand sadness that made me cry a river. 

A L S O, the renunion scene in AFTG just fucking destroyed me. w r e c k e d me, it was sweeping and angry and painful and that to me is grandness. and i did cry.

but you know, i think what applies the most to that question is in trc. when ronan faces his horror and says no, i don’t hate myself. any moment of utter magic and joy and otherness and connectedness. all these moments of profound strength and ache from adam. but mostly, the grand scenes of magic and mystery in cabeswater or chasing glendower that just get me every time

#thank you for asking! #don't even know where i was going with that second question i just have so many feeeeeelings about the grandness of those books #ask #idnis #perks of being a wallflower #trc #aftg

[mardi-aesthetics]

Ok, here it is. My problem with Love, Simon. First of all, my ex really loved it. Sike! No, that's not a reason why I dislike the movie, I'm not that salty hunty. No. I dislike this movie for a multitude of reasons, all of which come down to a few certain key points, which I'm about to share. I should say at the beginning however that I don't totally dislike this film; it was... okay. Just not the best, for me at least. I should also say that my opinions as a gay man do not reflect the opinions of any other gay men, my voice is mine alone, and WE AREN'T ALL THE SAME BRUH! Just kidding! Well, about the shouting. Not having the same opinions is real talk. It has been my experience as an avid book-reader that movies made from books can be awful (we're looking at you, The Lightnign Thief). But sometimes, they can be divine (Harry Potter series, Divergent series). This however... Is so very appropriately underwhelming.

Number 1}: Why now?! This movie has been praised for several reasons, foremost among them is it's breathtakingly lovely stroytelling (I think Titanic had a better story, though a more depressing one). People all across the globe adore this movie for its seeming originality, and I'm not entirely convinced. There have been a load (get it?) of other, much greater sotries involving LGBT characaters; the books written by Rick Riordan is one luscious example. Queer As Folk and The Perks of Being A Wallflower is another. I should point out that though the film for Perks was made in 2013, it took place in the early 90's. Queer As Folk was filmed in the late 90's, on to the mid 2000's. Love, Simon is a little late in the game, considering those other tales not only represent the life of gay men much more realistically, but they beat Love, Simon to the punch. It is the 2000-teens, truthfully this kind of movie could have been made years ago and made a much bigger splash. And not only that, but this being 2018, we don't need these stories anymore: representation in the media of LGBT life is getting better and better.

Number 2}: Reality checks One thing I know as a book-geek is that some things are just a little too much. Tana Mongeau for instance. A toothbrush! Some things are simply too dumb and highly unlikely to be swallowed. This movie is one such. A gay guy... whom nobody knows is gay... uses emails to talk to another gay guy... all the while being blackmailed... and then outed... and lying to EVERYONE... this is getting worse and worse.... you see where I'm going here. No! I don't buy it. I understand poetic license. I understand that certain liberties can be taken when writing books and other forms of media. But this is a lot to deal with. The plot is trite! It is neither beleivable nor likable. This kid isn't an antihero or some other thing, he's a pathological liar, and nobody calls him on it.

Number 3}: Reality check, part deux I am a gay man. I know gay culture. I have gay friends, I've had gay sex, I've (almost) gotten gay married. But nobody, and I do mean nobody, has a story like this. Case in point: I was talking with an ex-boyfriend after having just seen the movie, and on the drive back we were discussing it. My ex adored the movie, thinking it was so like his own life, so relatable. Yet, when I asked, he couldn't point out a single point in the movie where his life converged.

Number 4}: Gay? No In addition to all that... mess... This movie portrays gay men and teens unrealistically. I recently reread the reimagining of Twlight, called Life and Death, by Stephanie Meyer, and she recalled that her main character got a lot of flack for being a human female so in love with a male vampire. She was called a damsel-in-distress, a boy-chaser, and the shade is understandable. She kinda was. Love, Simon makes gay men look the same. Like we have nothing better to do than pine after a guy we've never met. My question the entire time watching this movie in the theater was "Can't this kid just stop? Stop thinking being in a relationship will make you happy. Stop lying to everyone. Stop being cowardly". Plenty of people exist happily as single and staying that way; plenty of people are anti-marriage and happy; plenty of people are content to remain virginal and chaste until marriage, or until death, and they're... well I won't say happy... but you get the idea. Being with someone will never complete you, not really. Relationships fall apart, move away, make you cry. They shouldn't be reduced to this. Instead, we deal with the protagonist typing on his laptop, imagining every guy he knows typing back to him. Excpet, ironically, the guys he thinks are straight. There's a reason he might still be in the closet hunty, he might have a girlfriend. Or, much more likely, he might be bisexual. Bisexual people exist too.

Number 5}: Relatability I persoanlly never lived, as many might put, 'in the closet'. I never really understood the whole gay-straight thing until puberty, and even then, I never had panic attacks over someone finding out. I never thought it was something to be ashamed of, to hide. Being different is difficult, but it takes courage to be yourself. And the protagonist doesn't have that. Loads of people worldwide enjoy this movie, but are any of them really gay? Or are they just ooh-ing and ahh-ing at how cutesy this film is? The point in the movie when the dork (I won't even try to remeber his name) outs the main characater, and he just kinda... sits there. For someone that didn't want the world to know he was gay, he sure didn't react much. Internal turmoil? Or just cowardice? Even when teased, calle drude words, he does nothing. Where I would bust heads, he sits there and lets a teacher handle it for him. I understand that violence may not be a good reaction, but letting someone do your own dirty work is just lazy. His cowardice, his lying, and ignorance (or should I say sadism), were his undoing.

Number 6}: Ferris wheel blues The last scene of the movie, wher he asks his apparent mystery crush to ride the Ferris wheel with him, after anouncing his identity and his sexuality, therefore outing his illicit friend, is just plain stupid. Why would you go through all the secrecy, all the lies, just to wind up outing someone else? Coming out is a very personal experience, everyone has a different story. Forcing someone to come out, just to be with you, is wrong. On top of that, just because you're both gay doesn't mean you'll have anything beyond that in common. I've met some gay men whom I just couldn't deal with they wre so rude. Plus, the fact that they hadn't seen each other before that... what would happen, do you think, if the illicit friend from the emails said "I'm only into other black guys". Or, "I don't find you attarctive at all". One in every ten men will identify as gay; roughly the population of New Jersey identifies as LGBT. Wait until college or when you have a job and can support yourself to come out, if you're really that scared of your parent's opinions, or of your life changing. Then bump uglies.

A Last Few Words While this film sucks butt, and not in the good way, it has two points that I'm very happy with: The loving speech given by Jennifer Garner, and the Glee actor, Clark Moore. Lets start with the mother. Her speech about her son holding his breath, was very sweet, and inspiring. Many gay guys still in the closet will watch this movie and see an anthem playing, especially with the heart-warming talk between mother and son. Not every coming-out sotry is violent and heart-rending; some of it is actually rather anticlimactic. It's not always so traumatizing, and I really enjoy the movie including gthis little bit. Next, with Clark Moore, whose character is the other gay guy, the openly gay guy. This is a bit more realistic, the fact that they include this one person, because not all gay men look, behave, dress the same way. Moore's character is out-and-proud, in a very realistic way.

#love simon #movie review #movie essay #hate mail