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dreamwritesimagines · 11 months

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It’s CMA-

I lied I got started on part 3 almost immediately after I sent that last ask about part 2. I told myself I would go to bed and wait for the morning and yet here I am.

It’s interesting that in chapter 7(?) we see clover lash out as a result of her fear. It’s the first time of many that we see, and I’m sure that it happens a lot. I think that she’ll have to learn to stop herself and be careful before she gets to that place of being so triggered that she hurts everyone around her, but that’s much easier said than done.

I wonder if she realizes that she hurts the people around her more when she bottles things up than when she talks about them. Not that she’s in a position to be worried about everyone else when she’s in those states, and I understand the temptation of bottling things up (I am a master of that particular skill), but I do wonder if she’ll become self aware enough or have the hindsight to realize that the ways that she’s trying to protect everyone is actually hurting her and by extension everyone around her as well.

Actually I was going to mention that Ben could identify her warning signs before she herself can recognize them, and then I realized something kind of funny, which is that for people who have service dogs, one of the things they do is to warn their owner of potentially triggering events and protect them from them. Not only that, but service dogs, especially those for mental health conditions, are trained to identify early warning signals (fidgeting, shallow breathing, accelerated heart rate, rigid body language, literally smelling fear, etc.) in order to prevent the situation from escalating.

Many animals do this because they are experts at reading body language- it’s the way that they’re able to communicate with us and everything else in the world. It’s not unusual at all for a pet dog or cat to respond to their owner/person they’re bonded to’s distress by comforting them in some way. It’s the entire reason why dogs will come up and cuddle you when you’re crying or whatever.

(Actually I now would love for them to get a pet who naturally does this for clover and signals her by distracting her or barking or something, so that she and benedict both know and can do something about it. This is going into my personal headcanons about their future lmao)

Anyway this is funny because Ben is essentially her service dog: an outside observer that can let her know when she’s showing signs of distress since she is incapable of/has trouble with recognizing these signs within herself on her own. Ben or the pet could also teach her how to recognize these signs within herself, so it would be really great all around.

I’m so in love with the Perseus/andromeda analogy it’s not even funny. Greek mythology paired with your work>>>>>>> (and I know you do it a lot and I love it so much, idk if I’d ever mentioned that)

It’s an interesting parallel of clover being able to see every pairing besides her own, and nobody else is able to see any pairing but hers.

OMG what if during Ben and Charlie’s shenanigans Ben always makes Charlie the lookout and has her distract whoever’s coming to get them in trouble, aka Anthony. Ben and Charlie think it’s because they’re both very sneaky and good at what they do, but really anthony fully knows what they are up to and only lets them get away with it because it’s charlie, makes her laugh, and gives him an excuse to talk to her.

Bonus of sometimes Anthony straight up forgets or doesn’t realize what’s happening because he’s too besotted with her lol.

Let’s be real: half the reason why pen has the early scoop on all the couples before anyone else realizes is because clover is pointing them out and no one else is listening to her lmao

A/N: I wrote everything up to hear weeks ago when I sent the other parts of my reread but then I got sidetracked by finals and a different fandom and a lot of life stuff happened, but I’m back and determined to write more analysis for them; let’s do this thing

(probably will have to break it off soon tho cuz it’s already pretty long)

(actually I’m debating straight up starting from the beginning because so much has happened since I was writing this)

(actually amendment, fuck it I’m going to start from the beginning and go to a different ask so it doesn’t get confusing. guess it will just be another night where I should be going to bed but instead am obsessing over ur work lmao)

OMG OMG CMA MY BELOVED😍❤️

I needed this so much rn, you're amazing! ❤️ Aaaaaa I'm so excited! ❤️

So I totally think that being with Benedict makes her improve not with her reactions to other people but also herself🥰 Like, it is second nature to her to lash out especially considering her trauma, but also, Benedict is being so soft and careful with her that she is actually turning soft and careful as well❤️ Like how she was with Eloise the last chapter, if it were any other time she wouldn't have bothered to make her feel calm and assured, but she actually made an effort and that's Benedict's influence on her😍

Service dogs omg YES🥰 She and Benedict needs to have a cute dog! Everyone in the world needs a dog thank you for coming to my TED talk 😂

Golden retriever bf - black cat gf dynamic strikes again! 😂❤️

MYTHOLOGY IS MY PASSION 😍 Aw I'm so happy to hear that you enjoy it as well my love!🥰

Anthony has had a soft spot for Charlie ever since they were all little ❤️ That's so cuteeee! ❤️

Charlie distracts Anthony so well 😏🥰

WAIT OH MY GOD I AM ALREADY SCREAMING-

I love love LOVE your analyses and I'm legit giggling already, thank you so so so much darling! ❤️🥰 ILY! ❤️❤️❤️

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shinygoku · 3 years

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gordon gordon gordon gordon

Gordon Gordon Gordon Gordon!!

He's been sneaking into these asks by proxy, so it's finally time for his dedicated session, hehe~

First impression

WUAAAGH what's up with this WEIRD LONG NOT-THOMAS and his FACE?!

Impression now

His face is still pretty weird! But you know what else it is? Part of an Absolute Legend ✨

Like, man, Gordon is such a big presence and interesting character, the entire premise leans heavily on him. I'm inclined to go as far as to say that the Blue Boys of 1, 2 and 4 here are the three most important characters for the franchise (not at all to knock everyone else lmao) and they slot nicely into a Triforce of Courage, Wisdom and Power, and Gordon has Power in spades!

Gordon is The Vain One (not James!). He's legit very strong and the fastest on Sodor (which isn't just being a big fish in a small pond because that island has some crazy cool engines!) but unfortunately he lacks humility. His success seems to have been lodged in his head before the series even begins and this Pride is the source of pretty much every single conflict he's involved in.

But when it isn't his self satisfaction in his actions, it's being smug about being such a grand, magnificent Tender Engine and he is snooty as hell about it. He seems to look at smaller engines [pretty much everyone compared to him lol] as a lesser class, particularly if they're small and cheeky and Tank Engines. This may not be the case exactly, but his way of talking to them and some other things he says are very condescending.

However... as much as a gigantic jerk he is at several points, with Gordon I kinda feel like he plain ass doesn't conceive of his words being out of line. That and having to Unlearn things... he's not innately better than everyone else. He sees things in black and white. There are Useful Engines, and those who should be scrapped. There are Noble Tender Engines and Lesser Tank Engines who exist to do the tedious chores on behalf of the Superior ones. Edward doing shunting is seen as Demeaning and contradicts Gordon’s world view that Tender Engines Don't Stunt™, and he doesn't like that one bit! (Also Edward was crossing the picket line but that wasn't Awdry's concern lmao)

Related is Gordon does seem oddly dense at times, like assuming that Tenders are in of themselves a Status Symbol rather than a large lunchbox of sorts lol, or that Tender Engines like him being too heavy for Branch Lines being because something about Branch Lines are degrading. This might be all Elitist Brainwashing influence. But still, that he just takes these as The Truth means I get to affectionately call him an idiot. And there is no other way to explain how he genuinely believes Bill and Ben were going to murder him if he wasn't missing a few brain bolts in there.

Fortunately, he does eventually start to learn the important lessons.... very gradually, but the Early Gordon is a pretty different beast to Later Gordon, and it's wonderful~

Also, I gotta give credit to him for having some moments of utter brilliance and actual grasp of reality and more complex matters, like culture. (Yeah, I'm rolling with his geniune Opera Knowledge from s6 of all things. It's good!) As much as Awdry himself may have disagreed, Gordon was in the right to want a Station Pilot and the Strike was called for (not bullying Edward for it, but myeah) ...but this leads to my next point: He seems to have a mental block when it comes to Emotions.

Certainly, he's as emotional as the others are, it's not just a scale of Snooty, Arrogant, Condescending, Prideful ....well, it is, but ALSO the more mixed and varied feelings: Shame, Sadness, Fear, Ambivilance, Irritation, Anger, Passion, Amused, Delight and so on. However, Gordon is seemingly unaware of how his words may make the others feel, and even at his cruellest it doesn't look like he's aware he's twisting a knife in. To Gordon, he's being honest, but his verbose manner ends up twisting and wriggling away from any valid point like an overgrown vine that somehow links back to how [Other Engine] is disgracing him, Gordon, by association.

Examples include: Being offended by Henry's new shape (??? Gordon dude he nearly died and this is an improvement, a good thing!), saying that Edward's age and difficulty starting a heavy ass packed load of passengers is grounds to be Retired or even Scrapped, other little insulting things like calling the likes of Thomas and James Little insistently (it seems to vary if he's trying to put them down or actually be affectionate), and many more when in the hands of inept writers who have to wheel out the same Gordon Learns A Lesson Plot every other season.

Like I said in the James post, I also think he kinda poisoned the Red guy with his snooty attitude... but I maintain that I think Gordon was unaware of this. He may know he has Influence, and enjoy that, but he really truly doesn't appear to mean to mould James into a smaller, redder version of himself. He's oblivious and from his own point of view, benevolent. Which is in fact a dangerous combo indeed!

It's... a lot o7;;

Again though, if you're looking at the books and s1-s5 of TVS you can see him grow and change. He does take a while to learn the lessons, but as time goes on he moves 2 steps forward and 1 step back, then eventually less steps back entirely. It's great! And so is Gordon. A big dumb meathead with not entirely uncalled for delusions of granduer. A dramatic so-and-so who is the best engine for his job.

I love this sophisticated jock who grows more kindness~ 💙

Favourite moment

Hm! This isn't as easy to decide lol. We all like Gordon Goes Foreign... but you know what sticks in my mind more?

hOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH

Look, I’m not 100% objective, here! But Ringo’s read of this line is fantastic (and keeps making me expect him to finish saying OOOHH SHIT) and it’s also a well deserved bolt of divine retribution for how rude he was being earlier. (As long as my essay already was, he very much needed the knocking down of some pegs here!)

Idea for a story

While both my fics with him thus far have been variations of Pre-Canon, Full-Arrogance and Snobbish Gordon (and both were a lot of fun!) ...but I cannot bear the same expired horse being beaten more when the story is set waaay later but he’s still up his own ass. Please, PLEASE writers, let him hold what growth he’s managed to gain!

I think it’d be good to accept that he’s gonna be outdated sooner or later, so have him help train another High Speed Engine and take them under his wing. The Christopher Awdry books kinda have something similar with Pip and Emma, but I think a better way of having Gordon be involved would be if he was actively doing some mentoring himself, as well as being a neat parallel with Edward, whose type was once Express only but got outclassed by A1s, and so the same can happen to this big A1 -> A3 lad and he can form a healthy relationship with some bright eyed newbie (and maybe have some self awareness and try to stop their head getting too large, lol).

Unpopular opinion

I know I just said him mentoring would be a cool story idea, but in canon? He is NOT a resident Dad type!! He’s a hotshot young man but he’s also a hot mess. He’s physically large but he’s not got the Energy of someone who dispenses sage advice and a shoulder to cry on. At best, he’s a weird uncle! One who means well but you shouldn’t take his life advice to heart because he’s actually just as, if not more clueless than you!

Favourite relationship

I feel inclined to say Thomas here. Emphatically not because Gordon is ‘old’ and Thomas is ‘young’, but because they’re so damn alike and actually make an excellent, albeit unconventional type of Rivalry.

Both are self important with genuine finesse in their respective talents, both are honest to a fault, both have redeeming qualities to offset their initial abrasiveness, and the first TVS episode is centred on the both of them and sets the tone for the series as a whole. There’s more parallels, of course, but I also wanna point out they’re effectively the mascots of North Western Rail in universe too, and I absolutely love this picture:

I also have immense fondness for the Down the Mine paradigm shift! Thomas gives Gordon grief over the ditch incident and later when it emerges the Fat Controller is gonna send for Gordon to pull him out, Thomas is filled with dread. But Gordon isn’t using the chance to lord over Thomas, he’s actually so amused by Thomas’ mishap and it coming at a time where he’s been significantly humbled, they instead become Comrades and I love it. I eat it up! Paint Pots and Queens isn’t anywhere near as good but I adore the little bit where they’re appealing for the other, equals and watching each other’s back~

But yeah, as Friendly Rivals they both feel very authentic and yet, in a daft way, sweet ;3

Favourite headcanon

He still says “Hurry, hurry, hurry!” when pulling the Express. That’s a HC as I think the show phased it out, but I like it lol. I feel like my essay on him contains most of the headcanon stuff, but it’s all based on what’s shown, baybee!

#this is ttte #TTTE Gordon #ttte talk #Gordon the Big Engine #Thomas the Tank Engine #TTTE Thomas #snuck in a bit in there lol #mentioned Edward a lot as well but not in as much depth #I love me some Blue Engines #TTTE

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thebluestbluewords · 3 years

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HEIST HEIST HEIST

I saw this post today and got inspired, SO here is Descendants Could Have Been A Heist Movie, thebluestbluewords take :

(this is very much an outline and not a full fic yet, but I might yet write this someday)

Taking this whole heist movie idea very seriously, this would be (and might yet be if I have the time for it) a fic about how the first Descendants movie would have gone if it had been a heist movie, rather than a fairytale.

The main plot of the movie is no longer about learning to choose good and seeing that kids don’t have to follow in the footsteps of their parents- it’s now a high school political intrigue about stealing a wand.

(don’t worry about the larger themes there- the wand might be stolen for many self-serving reasons that go beyond 'doing what their parents say'. Maybe they’re stealing it to make a larger statement about opening the isle. Or about how treating villains as villains is wrong and they deserve trust because it makes things so much more fun for them in the long run)

(can you tell I haven’t decided on the overall tone of this AU yet lmao)

The story starts when the VKs are being told to get the wand, hand it over, it’ll be easy.

Sure, they say.

Sounds great, they say.

Give us your spellbook and magic mirror and whatever else you’ve got to give, and we absolutely won’t use them to betray you and open the isle on our own terms, they don’t say.

(this story ends before we get to that point, but the implication is there)

The kids arrive in Auradon, as in canon.

Unlike canon, they don’t immediately go for a break-and-enter approach to the museum, because if they’re going to heist this, they’re going to do it right. A good heist takes planning, and patience, and research.

What they do is wait until the weekend, and then inform the school admin that they want to get to know the culture of Auradon.

The museum seems like a great place to start, Evie says earnestly.

We didn’t have anything like it back on the Isle, adds Mal. It would be such a good learning opportunity for us.

And we could see the town. And the candy store. Say the boys.

The school admin caves, because it would be wrong to deny these kids a chance to get to know this history of goodness! They’re just teenagers, and they’ve been doing so well with their first week, and of course they can go into town, do they want a school car to drop them off?

They do not.

The museum is kind of a bust. They spend some time scoping out the security, but they’ve had a whole week to magically-google everything they can about this place, and it’s not much of a surprise that there’s a functionally unbreakable magical alarm system set up around all of the objects.

Time to reassess the plan.

(this is where the political intrigue comes in)

Ben is still a Fundamentally Decent (if slightly boring) guy in this.

Of course, he’s also the one on the line if this whole villainy exchange program goes wrong. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he would come to check up on his flagship students after they have a day out exploring the town.

Oho, Mal thinks. Here’s something they can work with.

Ben is sweet. He’s not terribly interesting, at least at first, but he seems like a guy who genuinely cares about the idea of bringing villain kids over, and can probably be manipulated to their purposes without too much effort.

So the VKs think over their potential plans to get the wand, and decide that yeah, if they can get an in with the future king of Auradon, that’s probably a pretty solid place to start.

Unfortunately, they decide to start this attempt by blatantly flirting.

Audrey is very much a political presence in this fic. She’s not evil by any means, but she is goal oriented and doesn’t necessarily love the idea of VKs coming in and altering her five year plan for herself and her boyfriend.

(I think Aurdey is an interesting character, and I wish she’d been given some better motivations in the first movie beyond ‘mean girl in a high school movie’. So in this fic, where they do still crown the incoming royalty at sixteen, they also believe in setting up children for advantageous marriages. Audrey and Ben have been pushed at each other since they were kids, and yeah, maybe there’s not a lot of actual love between them, but they’re friends and it’s way easier to just date each other and make their parents happy than refuse and risk losing the sway they get with their parents by being the good little obedient golden children who are happy to be put together if it’s what’s best for the future of the realm.)

The point of this is, the VKs send Mal in with her very best flirting, taught to her by Evie in a truly hopeless training montage, and it just-

Fails. Completely.

And now Audrey sort of hates them.

Great.

The other unfortunate piece of this heist is that the relationships between the co-conspirators, the core four, are….somewhat intense. Charged, if you will, with a certain kind of tension.

I’m not saying that Malvie hook up in their pink princess dorm room on the first night and then don’t talk about it for the rest of the story despite blatantly flirting with each other all the time, but yeah actually that might be what I’m saying.

This is the middle of the fic now, and there’s some kind of political drama that leads to the VKs finding out about the coronation.

Maybe it’s teammate bonding, because I think it’s tragically underutilized that Ben and Jay are canonically both sports bros and I want more of that sweet high school sports team drama content.

The point is, they find out about the coronation, and that the wand will be out and about during that day.

Oho, they say. An opportunity.

Building on the sports bros theme, Lonnie gets to be in this story! She’s a cool character and I have a couple of unfinished ideas for her kicking around my fic drive, so she’s going to be here too.

Lonnie finds the VKs in a somewhat compromising state of planning.

Uh, what the fuck is this, she says.

What do you THINK, says Mal, who is not known for keeping her mouth shut.

Looks like...some kind of statement that you’re going to make during the coronation, says Lonnie, who is a nice person and also didn’t hear/see all that much of the planning before she was noticed. (as I’m typing this up I am also remembering the School of Secrets shorts?? Lonnie is absolutely going in this fic as someone who spies on her new friends. It’s almost like canon. She’s the daughter of Mulan. She can sneak when she wants to)

Yes. Exactly. A peaceful political statement, says Evie, who is often a quicker thinker than the others. We are going to… sit at the front in protest. Of how we have been treated. As villains. We deserve the same respect as other students, regardless of who our parents are.

Lonnie is surprisingly on board with this, because honestly, based on some of her costume choices in d1, magical disney utopias seem to be overwhelmingly white for the most part and do not know how to support their international students very well.

(am I still mad about the awful dress she was wearing during the family day scene?? yes.)

So now they have Lonnie on board with their made-up protest plan, and they’ve got Ben and Jay being… actually bros, weirdly enough, and somehow there’s got to be high school political intrigue that I haven’t thought through yet (maybe a group who doesn’t approve of the villainy exchange program is trying to get Ben declared unfit?? Idk. Maybe it’s just different mini kingdoms angling for a good position, and it matters Very Deeply who sits where at the coronation and it’s a whole deal. That one probably works a bit better.) and it’s altogether getting Pretty Far Into Things.

Family day isn’t a big conflict in this AU, because the VKs don’t really care about the whole family gathering and party business without Mal being involved with Ben. They decide to have a chill time hanging out and plotting their heist instead. The wand is going to be taken out before the coronation, but rather than try and grab it in the middle of things, it’s got to be easier to grab it right before or after, while it’s in transport.

They have multiple people who can pick locks. People who can charm guards into letting their guard down for a bit. Ways of getting around even electronic lock systems, given some time.

They hang around the classroom a bit longer after their parent phone call, and get to talking with Fairy Godmother about how maybe, possibly, they could get a real place up at the front during the coronation. It’s a good distraction, and hearing more about the logistics of how things are going to go on the day itself is a perfect segue into asking more about the objects that are used during the coronation. It’s important to understand their new home! No other reason they’d want to know about the history and powers of her wand.

No other reason at all.

They learn that the wand is going into secure storage in Fairy Godmother’s office for the day before the ceremony. Of course, it’s going to be safe enough there. The magical wards at the museum are mostly there in case of emergency, and they’re really more about making sure none of the objects get damaged than they are about theft.

There are no more villains in Auradon, after all.

All things considered, it’s shockingly easy to break into Fairy Godmother’s office the night before the coronation. The wand is in a safe with some magic barriers around it, but Mal has her mother’s spellbook, and Evie has a magic mirror that can look up the answer to pretty much anything they ask, so it’s short work for a pair of magic users who have been practicing their spellwork since they day they left the isle to break the temporary barriers down.

There’s a regular human lock as well, and they give that one to Jay. He’s their lockpicking expert, after all.

And there it is.

Mal grabs the wand. There’s a surge of magical energy up through her hand, burning everywhere she’s touching the silvery metal, but in a way that feels like strength.

And all hell breaks loose.

#my fic #descendants fic #disney descendants #this got long very fast and I might need to write at least part of it now #core four #mal bertha #evie grimhilde #jay son of jafar #carlos de vil #i realize that I did not go very far into what these kids are actually DOING beyond the plotting and the answer is Simply Vibing #making friends and influencing people #stirring up drama just because they can #Audrey might actually need to be a major character in this #she's not necessarily the antagonist but she's not an ally either #she and Ben don't break up in this AU but she does let Ben get away with plausible deniability when it comes to flirting with other guys #partially because she doesn't really care if he's into men so long as he's going to marry her #and he does care about her #they've been friends since childhood and it's a weird political landscape when children are coming of age at sixteen #and expected to start participating in governance #also there's a whole lot of tiny kigdoms that basically have their own ruling systems in place #they just also have a larger king who keeps them together for a couple things #like kicking out villains #and having unified borders in times of outside conflict #so that the smaller kingdoms don't get wiped off the map #but that's not the POINT the POINT is the HEIST #steal the wand in a way that is meticulously planned for the whole story leading up to the moment of actual theft #a thruline that's not romance #this is loosely canon pairings as of the beginning of d1 #so like #no actual ships

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lover-of-trash-and-people · 3 years

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shadow and bone rewatch s1e6 while drinking mid-range scotch

I wish I have a face that is as unlined and pretty as Ben Barnes' when I'm 39

Arken you dirty dirty liar

the face Alek is making at his lies that he knows are lies firstly because he knows the art of lying so well and also because he can read people very well

okay Ivan is kind of a bad bitch with his smirk at Arken's lies

alek's eyes narrowing and his little smile when Arken says 'im an entertainer' bitch I love this show

*grabs hand, pulls up sleeve, and discovers Arken's hand is full of marks indicating successful passages through the fold* 'well, that is certainly entertaining' I love this man with all my heart

him screaming is so fucking hot, is that weird for me to say

Nina being the Darkling's spy is quite interesting

Ben giving the Darkling crazy eyes when Arken owns up to his guilt is so cool

also wtf is Arken a fool trying to negotiate with possibly the strongest man in the world

kind of loved the darkness literally eating him

also love Alina learning to use her powers better when she is alone than when she is with anyone else, wish we got to see the cut in this season as per the books, ah can't have everything I guess

the camera pan to Jesper's gun at his side, amazing

god Jessie is literally so beautiful I need to see her bring Alina to the peak of her power so bad

netflix you better renew this series to let the plot run to its completion

HOW THE FUCK DID THEY CAST THE CROWS SO PERFECTLY

INEJ FUCKING TREMBLING JUST THE TINIEST BIT AS SHE BOWS SLIGHTLY TO ALINA SGSHSBSJJSJSSJ MY TWO QUEENS

'And where is my Summoner?' my little Darklina heart ouchie I really wish you hadn't used and manipulated her like this Alek it was incredibly fucked up especially considering you actually caught feelings

'Ivan and I won't fail you' oh Fedyor my baby, my angel, you don't deserve what is coming

Helnik literally recreating Titanic lmao stop this is a joke

I too would jump off the raft if I came to consciousness to see a gorgeous woman with magical powers with her hand on my back

omg but why is ryevost so pretty though

'I know exactly how she felt. The King's soldiers treated me the same way... I'm not myself today.' why must you do this to me, why must you fuel my darklina soulmates agenda idiocy

I don't quite think I have a problem with the Zoya Darkling relationship as much as I have a problem with the line they chose to reveal it to use with.

my drink's over and I don't know if I should have another, considering that it's 7 am

the tenderness with which he looks at Zoya and takes her hand and then when he says 'I shall relax when I have Alina' makes me believe more that the man that is reduced to tears time and again in front of Alina could in fact be the master manipulator I know him to be

god I can't wait for Zoya's character arc

'I speak six languages, it's part of my job' why is Nina literally the fucking coolest

Alina blinding the oprichniki was so hot, I can't wait to see more of her power and her ruthlessness

I know I've said it before but good god is Jessie Mei Li gorgeous

HER LITTLE SMILE AMONGST ALL THE PANIC AS SOON AS SHE SEES MAL, THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY

THE SCORE COMING IN AT THE RIGHT MOMENT, THEIR HANDS MEETING, HER SMILE AGAIN DHDHSBSNSNSNSNAN IM IN PAIN

REALLY?! YOU'RE GONNA GO DIRECTLY FROM MALINA TO HELNIK WITH NO CONCERN FOR MY HEART?

I simply cannot get over Calahan's accent lmao it's really funny

'im not afraid of you' he says to the insanely gorgeous girl with magic

HIM HANGING HIS HEAD IN DEFEAT TO INDICATE NINA HAS MADE VALID POINTS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CAN'T BREATHE

'You're just a man. Like all the others.' she says and then forgets her train of thought looking at him as he strips. god I love this

not sleeping all night and then scotch is not a good idea, I think

'I promise not to ravish you' 'I hate the way you talk' her hand on his chest, his hand gripping hers, my fucking heart feels like it's about to explode

good god these shooting locations and sets are so beautiful

Alina throwing the flask at Mal and Mal going 'OI!' I fucking can't, I guess I am a

simp for childhood friends to lovers, give me more of that banter and childhood friend energy, I am thriving

wow it literally seems like they took book! Mal sl*tshaming book! Alina and made show! Alina sl*tshame show! Mal, hmm, interesting

'They would have split us up!' MAL'S LITTLE SMILE AT THIS, and the 'You wrote me letters?' Mal's nod, the Malina yearning stare, the Malina hug, 'thank you for finding me' 'always. I'll always find you.' NO MALINA YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE MADE ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL

I understand they had to split time between my ravkan babies and the crows and that is why there were several aspects that were sort of not reflected on enough but Alina's training at the Little Palace, Alina's cut, Mal's personality, a teensy bit of backstory for the crows, maybe one lockpicking scene from my boy Kaz

random note: we have far too many idols and paintings and pictures and whatnot of Hindu deities in our house apart from the specially designed temple (we are Hindus, so maybe it's not that weird but it's a little weird)

Kaz's cane is a literal star, it's so beautiful my heart wants to explode

'Why would Heleen get the Crow Club?' *literally fucking gets up and walks aways instead of answering the fucking question* I LITERALLY CAN'T BREATHE I'M LOSING MY MIND

'I know that voice' WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME FIGHT FOR PLATONIC SHIPS IN FANDOMS

'We won't starve' omg get you someone who packs food for you when you go on the run together hiding from your ex who wants to capture you and use your powers as a weapon against your consent

Mal looking surprised at her summoning sunlight, Alina looking cautiously at him waiting for him to disapprove or run for the hills in fear or smth like that, 'I'm sorry it took me this long to see you... But I see you now' my dumb little shipper trash heart ouch

they really said we're gonna feed you this part asian couple as the protagonists in this show in 2021 and guess what I'm eating it's really tasty I'm very satisfied as a south asian

NINA'S LITTLE SMILE WHEN MATTHIAS WAKES UP WITH HIS ARM AROUND HER

'I can feel how much you hate sleeping next to me' 👀👀👀 BITCH SAID IMMA SPILL THE TEA AND THEN SHE DID

it's 8 am and guess what I'm getting another drink my parents have c*vid and are in govt qu*r*ntine centres there is nobody to supervise or stop me

I too say 'Why do you have to say things like that?' to my pretty crush when she flirts with me

Nina smiling at Matthias bragging about his conservative ways is my aesthetic

'No, it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall and yet, oh, there you stand.' MY FUCKING QUEEN

Matthias laughing uncontrollably at Nina saying something which isn't even that funny is a whole ass vibe

Kaz Brekker saying 'The Black General' ooh fuck yeah

YESSSS STEP OUT OF THAT CARRIAGE ALL SEXY BLACK GENERAL

isn't alcohol supposed to like kill germs? well, the amount in my system definitely will

I love my crows so much (always but this time particularly for setting that alarm in the stolen carriage)

ooh Polina recognising Inej by the knife yesss let's go writers

this Ivan Jesper showdown is all I needed from life and yet did not know about

Ivan taking off his cloak was, um, sexier than I wanted it to be

I just realised how thirsty I am going to sound in this post

'Has no one told you that keftas are Fabrikator-made and resistant to bullets, hmm?' 'Oh, I do love a challenge' LITERALLY EVERYTHING

im sorry to be pointing out flaws in a perfect show and adaptation but the line delivery on 'You robbed me of my brother, now I'll rob you of your life' from Polina was kind of weak

'You're a-' *gets knocked out with the back of a gun* LMAO we love the hints

got excited at the prospect of kaz v. zoya until I realised they will not be letting the opportunity of kaz v. darkling pass up

my goodness is Amita Suman a splendid actress

I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU I SQUEALED WHEN I SAW DARKLES EMERGE OUT OF THE SHADOWS IN FRONT OF MY BABY BOY KAZ

THERE BEING ACTUAL FEAR OR ATLEAST DOUBT ON KAZ'S FACE, THE LITTLE BACK STEPS AS

THE DARKLING WALKS TOWARDS HIM, AAAAH I CAN'T

THE DARKLING STOPPING AT KAZ SAYING 'SHE FLED ON HER OWN' AND THE HINT OF TEARS THAT WE SEE IN HIS EYES

'IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN BEING A CAPTIVE ANYMORE' YOU TELL HIM, KING

*ACTUAL FUCKING TEARS IN THE DARKLING'S EYES AS THE SHADOWS APPROACH*

NOT ME YOWLING LIKE A HYENA THAT THIS CHILD OUTSMARTED THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN EXISTENCE WITH A FAKE MAGIC TRICK

'Are you sure you added enough cloves?' literally warranting a wide ass smile from my queen Alina making my entire fucking day

for some reason, no matter how much I push it from my mind, Ben Barnes dressed up as the Darkling, dancing to 'push it' keeps coming to mind, it's absolutely ridiculous

I got somehow distracted with interviews but good things came out of that as it gave my body the time for the booze to kick in

and I would just like to say that I love Leigh for all she has given me

Alina is so fucking compassionate, I have no much love for her. I can feel her guilt and her sorrow as Mal talks of Mikhail and Dubrov

don't particularly like how the stag plotline is woven in, could have been executed better

'You're afraid you might start to like me?' *flaps furs like a bird's wings in frustration*

'I DO like you' my fucking heart you idiots

the sexual tension is so palpable and the moment is so intimate I simply cannot

OMG SHE FUCKING FELL

that moment where you think he might let her fall despite having read the books and he doesn't and he tells her his name I- <3

YOU DARE TRANSITION FROM A HELNIK SCENE TO A KANEJ SCENE YOU REALLY HAVE NO MERCY FOR MY HEART HUH

people have talked about this endlessly but Freddie's little jaw tic after he says Inej because Inej is wounded and he can't physically bring himself to help her I fucking cannot

THE MUSIC PICKING UP AS KAZ LOOKS TO THE DARKLING'S CARRIAGE I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW ANYMORE

and now for one of my favorite scenes in television and cinematic history, David Kostyk throwing a book at Jesper Fahey without even knowing who he is merely because he opens the door of his carriage and says hello to him before getting knocked out by Kaz Brekker while trying to run away

Immediately followed by another, the scene with David Kostyk raising his finger to put forward his point in front of the Darkling and the Darkling trying to let him know he doesn't have to before obliging is one of my favourite scenes in the world

also sir please stop being devastatingly attractive in your glorious appearance with your face and your black kefta and cloak because all that comes to mind is Ayesha Erotica's Emo Boy and I'm afraid that is terribly inappropriate.

'No, you look great.' *literally looks down from embarrassment or blushing* MALINA RIGHTS?

THE LOOK ON THE DARKLING'S FACE BEFORE HE SAYS 'NO ORDINARY TRACKER, NO ORDINARY GIRL' BITCH IM OUT OF BREATH

'ORPHANS OF KERAMZIN, REUNITED.' 'ADORABLE.' HE FUCKING SNEERED IRL I FUCKING CANNOT

GOD IT'S SO GOOD

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pettyprocrastination · 4 years

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Panty & Bambi

Francisco “Catfish” Morales x Roller Derby!Reader

Summary: Helena Morales celebrates her 12th birthday at the roller rink, where she plays cupid for her kind father who’s attention has been captured by a confident skater that danced about the rink.

Warnings: profanity, uhhh mention of alcohol?? Frankie being a fucking BOTTOM about buff thick women lmao.

Word Count:2.9k

Perm Taglist: @honestlystop

authors note:Wrote this because I’m sad about not being able to do derby this season and i’ve been watching lots of bouts to comfort myself in it lmao. Big inspiration to @qveenbvtch who wrote a fucking MAGICAL javi rollerskating fic called Ring My Bell!! It’s so fucking good read it here !!!!!! Big thank you to my boo @captainsamwlsn for reading this for me ILY Thais so fkin much <3

“For her next birthday could your daughter pick something that isn’t fucking murder on my knees?”

Frankie stared at his friend and god father to his now twelve year old daughter under the flashing fluorescent lights of the roller rink before taking a sip of the cheap beer in his hand. “Don’t whine Santi.” Frankie laughed. “We both know you’d do anything for her.”

Which was true.

Helena had only been a baby when the group went to Columbia to take down Lorea. They had always been a close-knit group of friends, but what happened on that trip, that shit-show of a mission, made them appreciate having each other even more. They visited Tom’s family when they were able to, the first few months after his death his ex-wife wouldn’t even let them on the front lawn. She took to screaming and cursing at them for his death, they didn’t tell her about the teenage boy that took her ex-husband’s life to avenge his brother.

Tess did in fact get into Harvard. She sent Pope letters from time to time. She didn’t blame him or the others for her father’s death like her mother did. The boys couldn’t say the same for themselves.

But the family they did have, the sweet chunky cheeked little infant girl Frankie was proud to call his daughter? Oh they all worshiped her. Little Helena had them all wrapped around her finger from the moment they set eyes on her.

The men had been there for every tea party, fairy tale, and birthday. They watched her go from mashing cake into her mouth at one years old to laughing at a skate rink with her friends at twelve.

Frankie had been there for everything and his boys were there to help him.

He couldn’t say the same for Liana.

“Twelve years brother.” Pope remarked. Frankie groaned and let his head fall forward.

“You don’t have to tell me man. Where did it all go?” He looked out on the rink with a smile, watching his daughter skate with ease on the polished wood floors while Ben wobbled along next to her, looking more like a baby taking its first steps than a grown man.

“It feels like just yesterday I was changing her diapers, now she’s in eighth grade.” Frankie sighed, released the vice like grip he had on the neck of his bottle. “Fuck man, I’m not ready for her to go to high school, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.”

“You’ll do what you’ve always done for her, ‘Fish.” Frankie looked up to see Will standing at his side, setting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be there for her. Which is more than I can say about half of the dead beat dads out there now.”

“Dad!” She called out, her pigtails swaying as she turned to him, hands held out with a big grin. “Come on!”

Frankie ignored the pop of his knees as he stood up with a groan.

“I’ll pray for your back hermano!” Santi called out with a barking laugh as his friend slowly stepped onto the rink with shaking legs

Frankie couldn’t give his little girl the world no matter how much he wanted to, he was just one man. But damn if he wouldn’t skate with her at her birthday party.

Helena took his hand in hers as they skated, which he knew was more for his safety than hers. But he still felt his heart clench at seeing just how small his daughter’s hand was compared to his.

“How are you so bad at this!” She giggled upon seeing his knees buckle for the third time in two minutes. While Helena had taken to roller skates with ease, the same could not be said for her father, who clutched onto her hand like a lifeline.

“Mija, the last time I was on wheels like this was before I broke my ankle skateboarding.” A woman skated by them, the wheels on her skated lighting up a bright pink each time they made contact with the floor. You turned, skating backwards for a moment with a carefree smile before turning forward again.

Frankie’s knees buckled when Helena’s hip bumped against his.

“God-” His daughter snorted. “Maybe if you stopped staring at that lady and focused more on skating you wouldn’t be wobbling like an old man on a walker!”

His head snapped to his daughter like a whip, for a moment uncaring how he nearly lost his balance. “I am not-I wasn’t-did you just call me an old man?”

His daughter simply stared up at him with that smug little grin that he swore Santi taught her.

“She’s pretty.” His daughter noted, he spared another glance up, feet sliding across the floor as he did.

You skated around another couple, hips swaying to the song playing over the speaker and hands raised high over your head. You brought one foot in front of the other in a sashay along the rink, gliding over the floor with grace that Frankie couldn’t even try to get as he gripped his daughter’s hand for dear life while they skated along the inner rim of the rink.

His daughter tugged at his hand, which had gotten arguably more sweaty when he realized that you would be passing them once more. “You should say hi.”

Frankie shook his head and offered his daughter a smile. “It’s your birthday ‘lena.” He reminded her. “You should be having fun with your friends instead of worrying about your old man’s dating life.”

Helena tilted her head in thought before smiling and letting go of her father’s hand. “Okay!”

“Wait-wait!” Frankie shot his hands out to balance himself, without the help of his daughter he felt even more off-kilter and out of his element. “Where are you going!?”

His daughter laughed before joining her friends that had skated ahead of them. “You told me to have fun with my friends! So I’m going to!” She looked behind him and smiled so wide he felt his heart drop. “Have fun dad! You got this!”

“Helena Maria Morales if you don’t-” Frankie’s threat was cut off when his legs wobbled against, one foot shooting out to steady him, except he was on fucking roller skates, which only caused his foot to slide out from beneath him and send him tumbling onto the hard floor beneath him.

Had it not been for his skating savior that is.

You shot forward, one hand gripping the collar of his shirt meanwhile the other grabbed the waistband of his trousers to steady him. On instinct his hands gripped your hips like you were a life preserver and he was a man lost at sea.

“You alright there buddy?” Frankie simply stared at you, throat tight and mouth wide open as his bright wracked for a single thought, a single word to say to you.

“Jesus Christ.” Santi groaned from the other side of the rink. He and the other boys sat watching in equal parts awe and dismay at their friend being caught like damsel and then absolutely flounder in front of you. “Say something you idiot!”

“Oh this is painful.” Ben snorted. “I don’t want to look away!”

“I’m uh, yeah I’m good.” Frankie realized as you pulled him upright how fucking strong you were, and it made his knees knock together for a whole different reason. His hands tensed and he realized he was still holding onto your hips. “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine, really.” You held up a hand to silence him, his mouth snapped shut as if it were a trained command. “I know you aren’t some creep trying to cop a feel, I’ve been watching you skate for a while now.”

Frankie looked down at the floor. “Yeah well, the last time I was on wheels was when I was sixteen and tried to impress a girl at the mall by grinding on a rail with my skateboard.”

You slowly took his hand in yours and began to skate forward, slow smooth steps that he did his best to mimic. He was so focused on not falling he hadn’t realized that the pair of you were skating like a couple. “Did it work?”

“Fuck no!” He laughed. “I broke my ankle, lost a tooth, then she and her friends all laughed at me.”

You smiled at his story, noting the way the multi-colored lights bounced off his profile. “Well, I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t break an ankle or lose any teeth tonight, alright Bambi?”

Frankie’s feet wobbled again and tightened his grip on your hands, marveled for a moment at how soft they felt against his. “Bambi?”

“Yeah.” You offered him a slight shrug, he still wasn’t sure how you could skate around others with such ease while also maintaining a conversation, but was thankful for it either way. “You both have brown hair, both have shit balance-”

“Gee thanks.”

You giggled and flicked the tip of his cap. “Let me finish.” You scolded. “You both have shit balance, and you're both pretty fuckin’ cute.”

Frankie felt his heart race and his lips curl into a shy smile. He watched the colors that danced over your form like a kaleidoscope. “Well my actual name is Frankie-” The tip of his skate dipped forward, catching on the floor and sending him careening right into your arms. You kept your feet together at an angle to keep from falling, hands grabbing onto him as he barreled forward, arms thrown around you and nose pressed against yours. “-but I guess Bambi is pretty fitting too.”

“Well Bambi-” Frankie felt a tingle down his spine every time you called him that. A nickname so sweet and innocent had no business making him feel so hot under the collar. “How about we take a break from trying to keep you from falling flat on your ass and go sit down for a bit? If your daughter doesn’t mind that is.”

He looked over your shoulder, where Helena stood with two of her friends, smiling wide and flashing her dad two thumbs up.

“I don’t think she'll mind.”

```

“A pilot?” You whistled, leaning back in his chair. “Damn, you’ve got me beat. I’m just a high school English teacher!”

Frankie shook his head, toe tapping on the linoleum floor of the little snack corner of the rink that pair of you were sitting at. “Now I wouldn’t say all that. I mean, spending your entire day dealing with teenagers who definitely don’t want to be there? You must have the patience of a saint.”

You bumped your knee against his. “We’ll now you’re just trying to flatter me.”

Frankie held one hand up and the other over his heart, as if he were taking an oath. “All truth here, coming from a former AP English kid.” You gasped and held one hand over your chest and pretended to swoon.

“An honor student of my subject? Be still my beating heart!” Frankie snorted into his drink, which caused you to in turn laugh loud enough for the people in front of them to turn and glare.

He had always hated dating. It felt so forced, so uncomfortable. The icebreakers were only met with bland replies of women who clearly weren’t interested in him, and only became less interested when they learned he was a father. That or they would praise him for being so “brave” to raise his daughter on his own. What, as if he was supposed to walk out on her just like her mother did? It turned him off to the whole situation.

But this? Sitting in the tiny snack corner at a roller rink, sipping overpriced sodas and laughing loud enough to annoy people while staring at the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen? Oh it was better than any date at a four star restaurant he’s been on.

“Trust me.” He told you. “You would’ve hated me as a student.”

“I could never!”

“Oh yes you could!” He laughed. “I fell asleep in class all the time, never answered questions and uh honestly?” He pulled his hat low over his face with a shy smile. “If I had you as a teacher? I’d never get anything done.”

His eyes flicked to the sleeve of your shirt, seeing your biceps strain against it as you leaned over for your drink. The shorts you wore hugged the thick muscle of your legs and he felt his throat tighten up at the thought.

You smiled and pushed his cap up so you could see his brown doe eyes. “I’m gonna take that as a compliment, Bambi.”

Santi watched the pair of you, nearly nose to nose when you leaned in close to toy with his hat. He smiled and bumped Will’s shoulder. “Look at ‘em go. ‘Fish still has it.”

“That’s our boy.”

They had all gotten the call when Liana left, she had simply packed her bags in the middle of the night and vanished. Leaving Francisco and their six month old baby alone. They knew how much it hurt him to see her leave, how much he blamed himself and wracked his brain for how to fix it, how many times he called her and pleaded for her to come home. If not for him, for their daughter. Their little baby girl who wouldn’t stop crying because she was hungry and mommy was gone.

But to see him now, blushing like a school boy while talking with a woman who his daughter practically pushed him into, they all felt a swell of pride.

If any of them deserved a happy ending, it was Catfish.

“If he doesn’t ask her out-” Ben sighed. “I’ll kill him. Just fucking murder him.”

Sadly, just as Frankie was about to ask that dreaded question, if he could get your number or hell, if you’d like to get a drink sometime, a woman with bright pink hair poked her head over your table.

“Hey panty!” She called out and Frankie damn near got whiplash at that nickname. “Can you give me a ride home? My car is busted and my boyfriend can’t pick me up.”

Your shoulders deflated at her response and Frankie couldn’t help but feel a little prideful that you felt dejected to leave his side. “Yeah no problem Jammie.”

“Thanks!” The girl chirped. “I’ll meet you outside!”

When she left, Frankie turned to you with a slow smile, his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Panty?”

“Ughh I know!” You groaned into your hands. “It’s not some weird nickname or anything it’s just my derby name I swear!”

Frank leaned back, eyes wide in admiration. “You play roller derby?”

You grinned, shoulders back and confidence oozing off of you at the mention of your sport. You tucked your hands behind your head and Frankie took that moment to marvel at the muscle that strained against your shirt. “Damn right I do. Not to brag but I’ve been the MVP for the last three seasons.”

It was absolutely a brag and he loved it.

“You know-” Your eyes flicked to his, shy and skittish. “-we have a bout, a game, this Saturday if you want to come. It’ll be here, at eight. You don’t have to-”

“I’ll be there.” He promised. The thought of you in those spandex shorts on skates, being positively brutal to other women on the track with that confident grin? Christ, he wouldn’t miss it for the world. “I’ve never watched roller derby before but, it’s recently piqued my interest.”

You smiled, raising your foot to knock it against his. “Well I hope it keeps you interested Frankie, because you’ve piqued mine too.”

Frankie felt a swell of pride in his chest at your shy smile and sweet words. He felt like a kid back in high school, trying his best to woo the girl in his biology class with passing notes in hopes of getting a date.

Only this time he had more experience and a lot less acne.

“Panty!” The woman shouted. “Lets gooo! I work the morning shift tomorrow!”

Your face fell. “Looks like that’s my que to head out. I’ll see you Friday though?”

“Fuck yes.” Frankie breathed out, before regaining his composure. “I mean uh yeah, yeah I’ll uh, see if I can make it.” You laughed and stood up from the table, turning on your heel at the final moment to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

“I’ll see you then, Bambi.” You purred, before walking out of the door and past His daughter and three grown ass men, who stood in a circle nearby like a bunch of gossiping old women.

Frankie didn’t even have a moment to realize you kissed him before his daughter bounded over to him asking eighty questions within two seconds.

“What's her name? Is she cool? She seems cool! Are you guys dating now? Did you ask her out? Did you get her number?”

He brought this daughter in for a hug, bringing his hand down on the crown of her head in a playful nuzzle.

“Alright speedy gonzales.” She laughed into his side and tried to wriggle out of his bear hug. “No more matchmaking, you hear me?”

“But it worked! Didn’t it?” His stern facade melted away at the excited grin on Helena’s face.He sighed, letting his chin fall onto the top of her head.

“We’ll just have to wait and see mija.”

His daughter whooped in victory, throwing her hands high in the air in celebration.

“That means it worked!”

#Panty & Bambi #frankie morales #catfish morales #francisco morales #francisco morales x reader #catfish x reader #frankie morales x reader #triple frontier #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #the meaning of her derby name will make more sense in the next chapter i SWEAR

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flying-elliska · 3 years

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Shadow and Bone Season 1 Review

Ok so I got distracted by a need to watch all of Ben Barnes' filmography (lmao) but here is my review : It was really fun to watch and it was clearly made with love which is already the main thing with YA fantasy, which is often turned into a soulless moneygrab when put on screen. The actors were GREAT. I did think that the Crows suffered from being mashed up with the Shadow and Bone story, but they were still a highlight. I also think it was a bit rushed, esp. when it came to Alina's training. The costumes were beautiful, I want a kefta now. Plus the crossover fanfic interactions btw the SaB characters and the Crows were just pure joy. Also Milo, obviously <3 I'm in hyperfixation mode so here, have an essay :

The "Shadow and Bone" Characters :

- Jessie Mei Li !!!!!! She really made me like Alina so much more than in the books, she absolutely is the 'human embodiment of literal sunshine' and she was a joy to watch. Her character's arc is cliché but her acting is so expressive and endearing, I really felt for her all the way through. (maybe I'm biased bc Jessie talking about her ADHD and seeing her thrive at the same time is like!!! i love them they deserve all the best.) I like that they made Alina more proactive - even though she does make some stupid decisions... but I just don't understand people who put that down as bad writing, like ??? have you ever met a real person who only makes wise, good decisions ?? a character like that would either be at the end of their story or just in the background because that makes them static. The things with the maps in the beginning does a good job of illustrating how she is just this one girl making rash, erratic decisions out of fear and loyalty and doesn't have a sense of the bigger picture, caught in the tide of bigger events. It works for her character. When it comes to the choice of making her half-Shu, I do think it really makes sense re: her character feeling like an outsider but I do understand the criticisms that the microaggressions felt too relentless and one-note. I am really looking forward to them introducing Tamar and Tolya and hopefully connecting to them over her heritage in a more positive way.

- Mal in the books was one of the most annoying YA characters I've ever come across, so I really liked that they made him much more of a loyal, devoted friend. I found his relationship with Alina cute, it really gives us the sense that these are two orphans who found a home in each other, childhood best friends (and potential sweethearts) separated by war, two army grunts and ordinary people caught up in the wheels of power and war that usually crushes people like them, it's a great way to introduce the dynamics of their world and it's a trope that always makes me emo. It felt a bit too one note to me, though, and too heavily on the nose, like Mal's only personality was his attachment to Alina (and his resentment towards the Grisha) and too much of her emotional arc also relied on him. Them hitting us over the head with the meadow scenes felt like pure telling instead of showing and it ended up being super repetitive and kind of annoying. I am willing to like this pairing, but I wanted more scenes of them just having conversations about things and really understanding why they like each other beyond the whole childhood friends bond that we're asked to accept exists at the beginning. So I hope there's more depth there in next seasons.

- Ben Barnes!!!! Just jksdfhgkdjghdf. I'm not a big villain stan usually and I hated the Darkling in the books but DAMN his performance is just amazing. They managed to make him more sympathetic and human while at the same time making clear the stuff he does is deeply horrible. There's the Magneto-aspect of 'well clearly his methods are fucked up but he's addressing a terrible injustice nobody is doing anything about' that makes it very tempting to root for him ; and again, well, like, Ben Barnes is so hot and charismatic it feels uncomfortable (which I guess is part of the point lol). His loss of humanity is, up to a point, understandable, brought about by despair, loneliness, grief and a sense of powerlessness - living so long he starts to see other people as disposable, losing so many people he stops caring, seeing over and over how hate never seems to stop, etc. It's a logical explanation for going insane.

But the hunger for power is also very much present as a motivation and this ambiguity is there constantly. Does he maybe come to genuinely care for Alina or is it totally bullshit ? I think he does, he's just so fucked up that it comes out as possessiveness and a need to control her. He wants Alina to be his equal but he's incapable of treating her that way. It's tragic, in a sense, but the show doesn't excuse his actions either. Like his monstrosity is a product of this world full of injustice, yes, and that warrants some compassion, monsters are always a symptom of their environment in some ways and dehumanizing them completely is an excuse ; but at the same time, he sabotaged his own cause anyway the moment he started to treat other people like things, as he does with Alina, because that just perpetuates the cycle of violence and hate. At some point he started feeling like he was the only solution and he was owed power for his sacrifices, and he's using his cause as an excuse. When Alina came to him, there was a possibility for redemption, taking down the Fold, and it's a test because there is finally someone on his level of power. But instead of seeking to remedy the power imbalance between them, he made it worse, by lying to her, manipulating her, etc, and the antler collar is the ultimate sign of this.

I love those scenes towards the end (the antler-based body horror has big Hannibal vibes, so messed up). I like Alina telling him they could have had this, that she had compassion for him and his cause, that they could have worked together, and he's the one responsible for screwing it up and this time his claim that he's the misunderstood victim ("Make me your villain") appears delusional and self-serving instead of somewhat justified. The almost-lovers to enemies vibes, the sense of lost potential, and the angst of the whole 'oh you could finally have been loved by people, too bad you fucked it up !', very juicy. There is this fundamental idea that power/respect/love is not something you are owed no matter how good your intentions are or because you're strong or you have suffered or you're willing to commit horrible drastic actions, you have to keep proving you deserve it, and trying to claim power without responsibility of care turns you into a monster. The thing with the stag was an excellent metaphor of the fact that there's things you can't take, they have to be given to you, and the wonderful power there is in understanding that is what allows Alina to harness the stag amplifier's power. This is really when she escapes his grim utilitarian outlook and a different way forward and owns her own power fully on her own terms.

Anyway I hope Alina gets to beat the shit out of him at some point that would be very sexy but I'm also looking forward to see how their arcs parallel and diverge from each other as Alina starts to grapple more with the implications of her power and the harsh dilemmas of war and her own dark side. I want to see him become scared of her, and I feel it will be more visible than in the books where he just has this cold aggressive facade all the time. This one feels a lot more openly emotional which is just a lot more interesting.

- As for the other characters ; Zoya mostly made me sad. The actress has the perfect vibes but I'm not sure I love their take on her character so far, it does make sense in terms of the later books - that she has internalized prejudice regarding her mixed-race heritage, that she is jealous of Alina because of how hard she's fought to get where she is and Alina kind of takes it away from her, etc. But I would have liked to see a bit more of her being badass and sharp-tongued in a clever (even if mean) way instead of spending most of her time being rejected by men and being racist towards Alina. I did like the ending though, of her actually seeing the monstrosity of the Darkling in action and the mention of her aunt. And her brief bonding with Inej was great, just because it was badass but also maybe because it could be a part of Zoya learning to accept her Suli heritage in turn, maybe not right away but in time, when thinking of that part of herself, she won't only think of her parents' ruined marriage and all the pain it caused, but also of that badass and brave acrobat girl who went toe to toe with these really scary monsters without even having any powers and !!!!!

- Also Leigh's cameo was so cute and as an aspiring writer this is just such wish fulfillment

- I honestly think that having the Crows there actually made the S&B story better ? Not only in terms of the much needed levity breaks but also in terms of themes. For instance, Matthias and Nina's story gave us a really raw and visceral view of how the Grisha are hunted. And Inej's relationship to Alina really gave us a sense of what Alina actually means to people who believe in the Saints in a way that doesn't feel just like 'ugh those superstitious people' because we know that Inej's faith is part of what makes her who she is and a person with morals, and something that saw her through the worst moments of her life. It feels so special that she got to meet Alina and given a sign that maybe the world is not completely shitty. And Alina's kindness towards Inej really gives you a sense that she might be, or become worthy of that belief in time, or at least that she wants to, that she's figuring out her power to really touch people's lives might be a good thing, and that she's starting to accept this responsibility more fully. And her arming Inej is a nice parallel to that. I'm very emotional about this scene, because one of the first things we see of young Alina is her taking out a knife to defend Mal from the bullies, because she's protective and brave, but she's also aware the world is a shitty place, and so her giving that knife to Inej is a sort of spiritual transmission and recognition of sorts, that she trusts Inej with that fighting power, that she'll use this knife to defend herself and her loved ones and not abuse it. It's so interesting. And a counter point to the Darkling's fucked up relationship to power that Alina might at some point get afraid she'll replicate. That you could see Alina trying to gather followers and using people's admiration for her like he did but instead she sets them free and empowers them. It's great. And I feel that when Inej takes to the seas, she'll think about Alina. (I do hope somebody tells her Alina's not dead at some point though god). Girls giving each other knives is my spirituality, honestly.

- And I also noticed an interesting parallel between Kaz and the Darkling in terms of being two emo dudes who like to wear black, are prone to violence and have a thing for two very powerful women they think are special and want to have at their side, but of course, they go about it in very different ways. The Darkling comes at it from a place of power while Kaz comes from a place of utter powerlessness, first of all, and he understands why it's important to set Inej free. Him spending the entire season trying to earn enough money to pay off Inej's indenture is the opposite to the Darkling putting that collar on Alina and while I do have issues with how the show portrays him, I do love that. Love is about setting the person you love free !!!! And that confrontation scene was so powerful, when Kaz tells the Darkling Alina was tired of being a captive ! Drag him !

- As for Genya, I liked the actress and her chemistry with Alina, but I'm not sure they did a great job of making her arc very clear, for instance what it means for her to get that red kefta, her relationship with the other Grisha, etc. Her and David are already very cute though. Also very much looking forward to see where that goes.

So yeah I think they did a great job with this bit actually, I enjoyed a lot more than I think I would and even though it is a very tropey story, there's plenty of depth there too.

The Crows :

- I'm a bit more nitpicky about this because I care about these characters so much. I think overall the problem is that the SaB story in the books happens on this massive scale with enormous stakes, and that next to that the Crows' issues feel less important ; it's like their impact is distorted by the gravity of the much larger story. Like for instance, Kaz in the books is very much at the center of everything, this larger than life trickster figure who knows and controls almost everything by sheer cleverness, and he has this sense of allure and mystique that can't happen here, and so his aura just shrinks. On top of that they're not on their home turf. Being introduced to these characters before they've reached their full levels of badass is weird - there is a reason why prequels generally happen after the main stuff, because they count on the love you have for these characters at their full potential to make you interested in their story when they were less badass and interesting. So I had several moments where I was like 'oh this feels wrong'. Tbh the idea that they would even volunteer to kidnap Alina in the first place, what with Inej's backstory, feels kind of wrong, esp since they had no idea of what would happen to her if they succeeded.

- But I still enjoyed a lot of it though, especially the fact that they were this force of chaos in the midst of this bigger narrative that's a lot more self-serious. The bits with the train, or the circus acts were very clever. A lot of the best moments in the show happen when they come to disturb the other plot in unexpected ways. I'm still dead over the whole 'Alina jumps into their carriage' scene, that was fucking gold. The team up at the end !!!! Alina and Kaz making a deal ! Inej stabbing the Darkling !!!! Them stealing the Darkling's carriage !!! They don't give a shit that the story is supposed to be super dramatic it's great.

- Jesper is the one character they completely nailed from start to finish and he's probably my favorite part of the whole show. He's very funny without being reduced to the role of comic relief ; he's just so! damn! cool!!!!!!! I honestly feel this is a thing they actually did even better than in the books, or at least Six of Crows where I felt Jasper kind of disappeared behind Kaz and they insist a lot on his flaws and issues. So before we dig more into those problems I love that they gave him time to be this ultra badass who saves the day several times ; while at the same time, hinting at further developments like his powers or his gambling issues. Kit Young is just perfect, confident without being arrogant, a bit cold when it comes to crime while at the same time being so obviously caring with Inej - I loved their friendship, that was so sweet. My main criticism is that they should have made it clearer he was bi because there are already people calling him gay and that's very annoying. I know some people had a problem with his hookup and like...I can see it's a bit of a cliché...the charming badass bisexual adventurer....it's a trope I kind of love though lmao and the scene itself felt kind of cute and fun. He's not the only person who is shown to have an active sexuality and he's also not the only queer person around and we know he's going to have a more substantial romantic arc later so eh. On a larger note I loved the little casual hints of completely normalized queerness - Nadia thirsting over Zoya, Fedyor and Ivan, Poppy, etc. Having grown up with fantasy where queerness was either completely erased or very tormented and problematic, this was refreshing as hell.

- Inej and Kaz...my faves... They have a kind of relationship which feels so rare and unique in terms of what exists on TV and while I don't feel they entirely replicated it, the core is still there - the mutual respect and building of trust, the longing, the repression, the trauma, etc. One thing I really like is their arc around faith - in the books, Kaz is dismissive of Inej's faith in ways that often feel really shitty and I like that he learns to be more respectful of it. It's very much linked to hope/survival ; Inej keeps this token from her parents and she hopes to find them again ; Kaz tells her it's no use and she'll survive better if she gives up. He believes Alina is a fake, while Inej wants to believe that myths can come true and there is hope for good things in the world. Kaz comes to accept that Alina is the real deal and, out of respect for Inej's faith, to stop pursuing her. I loved the bit about Inej struggling to kill as well - it's the dilemma of what her survival and that of the people she really cares about are worth in such a shitty world - her compassion is a good part of her but so is her survival instinct, and that's the part Kaz represents - that even after she's been through hell, broken in unfathomable ways, even if she gave up all hope and faith in the world, even she becomes dangerous and ruthless to survive, she will still deserve dignity, and to be treated better. And meanwhile she is willing to break her principles, which she holds so dearly, to save him, when he's never had anyone who cared for him like that - enough to keep him alive. That bit in the church !!!!! God !!!!!! Bye !!!!!!! And then him basically calling her his own version of a Saint, that he doesn't believe in miracles but he does believe in her !!! It's very emblematic of their whole arc ; he empowers her to survive in a ruthless world and loves her at her most dangerous ; but he loves her laugh too, he finds her a ship and her parents, he honors her capacity for love and hope even when he can't share it. And she sees that he's capable of doing better, that he's worth caring for. This whole thing kills me honestly and I can't wait to see where they take this next. I'm not mad they're a bit more soft and obvious than in the books, Kaz would just have come across as an an asshole otherwise.

- That said, there are bits of how they introduced their backstories I don't like. I get that making it so Inej was still tied to the Menagerie gave them a very powerful reason to want to kidnap Alina beyond greed so that they wouldn't look like very shitty people. But in the books Inej is terrified by the idea of simply seeing Heleen or the Menagerie and the way they have her interact with her feels weirdly casual and dismissive of her trauma. Also, in the books, the fact that Kaz had to convince Per Haskell to buy Inej's contract through a lot of effort, that he wasn't the one holding that above her head either, made the power dynamics more palatable. I especially disliked the scene where Kaz says he won't free other girls because just Inej is special, it makes him look like he has the power but he's just too much of a callous asshole to do it, and that he just freed Inej because he liked her which is absolutely not what their relationship is about at the start, it's a lot more about seeing Inej's dangerous side behind a facade of powerlessness and relating to her, in a sense, and this scene made it all feel cheap.

- Also, what was that about Inej having a brother ? Not a fan of that either. I'm afraid they're going to make her story all about finding what happened to him, and that's 1) too on the nose similar to Kaz's story and 2) it kind of cheapens her own arc, a female character realizing that what was done to her was wrong, reclaiming her own power and dignity and then making sure it doesn't happen to anybody else, harnessing her personal experience to save strangers, that's so powerful - making it about a family member at first, especially if it's about revenge, it's so much more simplistic and unoriginal and the perspective really annoys me.

- Also not a fan of Per Haskell not being there because he's a very important part of Kaz's evolution, so I hope he shows up eventually - and the way they introduced Pekka Rollins was kind of like...weird and out of place. I just found the Crows' introduction scenes stilted and not as cool as they should have been - well, Jesper and Inej were very cool, but we needed to see Kaz in action first, we needed to see why he's such a menace before we see him flounder later, and I just...I don't know exactly but it didn't work for me. Also this is a very petty thing but I wasn't crazy about the Ketterdam sets, I know this is probably a budget thing but in my head it looked like this incredible mix of Amsterdam and Venice - specific locations in the book directly remind me of parts of Amsterdam I know very well - and instead what we got felt like this very generic London-ish fantasy setting....so boring. Also a lot of scenes that felt to exposition-y. I don't mind that Kaz was a bit softer than in the books, like many people have said some things work in books and don't work on a screen, and you need to make the character's inner dynamics more explicit. But I do agree that, at the same time, he should have been more ruthless towards people outside of his group. Loved that scene where he faces the Inferni though, and how well they illustrated his disability and aversion to touch.

- I don't have that much to say about Nina and Matthias ; I'm still not super sold on the whole 'haha misogyny!' thing and I dislike that so much of Matthias' change of heart relies on the fact that he finds Nina hot. But I did think that the actors had enough chemistry to make their scenes together interesting and cute ; I loved the waffle scene. Even though it's disappointing that they didn't find an actress who was more clearly plus size for Nina, I still think Danielle does a good job bringing her bold, unapologetic energy. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Crows as a whole team.

So yeah, even though the season didn't feel like a perfect, coherent whole, it was just a lot of fun and I really hope they get renewed. In particular I feel like tying the first trilogy to the Crows' story could create such interesting parallels in terms of themes, about power, the cost of survival, hope, trauma, etc etc

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #grishaverse #six of crows #leigh bardugo

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avengersassemble-fics · 4 years

Text

What is it About You?

Kylo Ren (Ben Solo) x Reader

Summary: The First Order is trying to stomp out the Resistance. Work on the Starkiller Base is non-stop everyday. Some work on the weapon itself, and others get to work on the fleets fighters and shuttles. One engineer sparks the interests of the commander himself. But why? What is it about this engineer that the Force and Commander Kylo Ren, seem so interested in?

part 01/10 “encounters”

word count 3.6k

an: lmao look don’t judge me for ANOTHER new piece. when it comes to me it comes to me. this is my first ever kylo piece so hopefully i can do him justice.

Starkiller Base was a lot of things, none of those being a place you would ever consider home. It was freezing cold, it held this unsettling feeling in it, and if you weren’t concerned about keeping your job, then you probably would have left as soon as you stepped onto the tarmac. But, this was your first major assignment post, and it wasn’t an opportunity you could pass up.

You didn’t work on anything too important. Did you know what they were building? No not exactly, just that it was a weapon. Your main concern was making sure that the TIE fighters and transports that came from battle or missions were back to pristine condition. Some days you pulled in a 6 hour shift, while others you felt like you could see the sun peaking over the horizon. Those days were the ones you dreaded the most. Why?

Because the only reason you had those days was when Commander Kylo Ren returned, and his command shuttle was in complete disarray. And today was one of those days.

You reveled in freedom when it and its owner weren’t on the base. Every time you were informed of a departure check being needed, you felt the happiness flow back into your life. That is how much you hated that shuttle, and though you wouldn’t admit that to anyone, that is how much you hated Commander Ren as well. It made you feel like your work and time meant absolutely nothing to that man.

Well you knew it didn’t. How could someone like that care about anyone’s feelings? That’s probably the reason why you felt yourself dragging your feet as you made your way to the incoming bay. The only thing that you looked forward to at that moment was seeing your friend who hopefully had brought you a cup of coffee. Besides the tiredness felt in your eyes, your body craved that warmth.

Being an engineer is one thing, but being a female engineer felt like you were an animal on display in a cage. No, you didn’t get to wear pants like the men engineers, you had to wear a grey dress. The only thing you could add to keep your body warm (on a snow planet!) was a black turtleneck sweater underneath, and not so relatively thick black stockings. Everyday. Five days a week.

You hated the cold.

The bay doors opened to your presence and the cold air hit your body. You shivered, seeing your friend in the distance on a terminal, and thank the stars you could see not one but TWO steaming cups. You wanted to skip with joy. You made your way over, your steps echoing in the air, and your friend turned, shoving your cup towards you.

“Here, grumpy,” her sweet voice said, and you smiled, “I knew if I didn’t bring you one you’d be a raging bitch all day.”

“Your words hurt me,” you said sarcastically, but none the less you took the cup and bumped her shoulder, “but my love for you outweighs it all.”

“Shut up,” she said and you chuckled, taking a sip as you looked over her shoulder, “your transport is 30 minutes out.”

“Great,” you mumbled, taking yet another sip before putting the cup down, “can’t wait to see what’s happened to it this time.”

Reina Duune. She was one of the only other female engineers on the base (there was only 6 total), and she was your best friend. You both went to the same school, and befriended one another when you got into a fight with one of the boys who tried to put his hand up your skirt. She jumped in to defend you as well, and you both got suspended for a week. The boy? He got off scot free. To this day it made your blood boil, because it just showed that the men were seen as more important than the women.

Reina was beautiful. She made the room stop, turn, and look at her beauty when she’d enter rooms. You noticed, but she never did. Did she overshadow you? Yes, but you didn’t mind. You didn’t like being stared at by strangers. You were attractive you would say, you did garner some attention but not on the level Reina did, but then again you weren’t too upset about that.

“Don’t worry about the other fighters coming in today, I’ll finish with those while you do the shuttle,” she told you and you gasped playfully putting a hand on your heart.

“You do love me back, I always knew it,” you laughed and she followed, rolling her eyes.

“Okay joker go do your work,” she commented and you gave her pouty lips as you backed away holding your coffee.

25 minutes.

You spun around and walked over the farthest terminal in the bay. The Command Shuttle always landed here, and you needed to prepare the area for its arrival. Not only did you have to put up with Commander Ren today, but because he travelled on his own that meant General Hux was going to be here soon to greet him as well. You know how it sounds, oh you don’t like Ren and Hux? Is it because they’re men in power? No of course not. You didn’t care who had power. Hell, you didn’t like Captain Phasma either. They’re all just assholes.

20 minutes.

The area was spotless, that’s how you always left it. But there were a few crates tossed down from somewhere and you groaned as you set the warm cup of your drink. You walked over to one of the crates and tried to get it to open to no avail. You squinted, trying to read the wordings on the side, but the faded letters told you nothing. You mumbled to yourself and you shoved it barely an inch. It was heavy, whatever inside weighed it down to where you could barely push it. You tried pushing it with your hips when someone jogged up behind you.

“Here, let me help you with that,” the deeper voice said, and you turned to look at the source. He was dressed in white Stormtrooper armour, but no helmet. You recognized him, but could never remember his number. Just that it started with FN. He got on your side, and you both pushed the crate to the wall.

“Thank you,” you breathed, and moved to the second crate, and he followed your lead, both of you putting your hands on the edge to push.

“Yeah of course,” he said before you both pushed hard against the crate to the wall next to the other one.

“Wonder what the hell is in these things,” you commented, feeling the heat build in your face.

15 minutes.

“No clue,” the Stormtrooper said, and you both moved to the last one, “probably not that important if it’s just left around.”

You both pushed hard on the third on, it sliding across the ground slow, “Yeah,” you grunted, “but we’re the ones having to move them.”

With one final push from you both, it went against the wall like the others. You both had to catch your breath, and you wiped your hands together to try and rub the redness out of them. His hands went to his hips and you could see a trickle of sweat down the side of his cheek. You motioned your head to him.

10 minutes.

“Are you leaving on a mission?” You asked him and he nodded.

“Yeah,” he breathed, “there’s word of Resistance activity on Jakku, we leave in a few days. Captain Pasma wanted additional training before we embarked.”

“And here I thought you wore that for fun,” you joked, and you earned a chuckle from him.

“I would trade this heavy and hot armour for rags any day,” and you smiled and shook your head, you nodded at you, “what’s your name?”

“(Y/N),” you replied, not bothering with your last name, but he extended his hand and you shook it.

“FN-2187,” he replied and you nodded. It was weird to you that they didn’t use their names. Or maybe they just didn’t remember them.

“I’m terrible as it is with names, let alone call numbers, maybe I’ll just call you Finn for short,” you commented, there seemed to be a spark in his eyes and before he could reply, you nodded behind him, “you may want to get back to your squad.”

The trooper, Finn you’d call him, turned to look behind him and noticed Captain Phasma and General Hux entering. You straightened yourself as did he, and he backed up from your presence.

“Thanks (Y/N),” he commented and you smiled waving a bit as his back turned to you and went back to join his squad. You fixed your hair and went to the terminal, pressing a few keys and standing tall as General Hux made his way over. Clean workspace, happy General, that’s all he cared about. You heard a call come in in your ear, from the pilot on the shuttle. They were inbound, and you nodded to yourself.

General Hux was finally near you, along with one of his guards (another Stormtrooper), and he stationed himself away from where you were.

“Any word from the shuttle?” He asked you. No greeting, no acknowledgement to your presence, nothing. God, you hated him.

“Yes, sir, the pilot says they’ve exited hyperspace, should be any moment now,” you replied. Just because you hated the man didn’t mean you weren’t respectful to him. It just made your life easier.

“Begin the landing procedure, then,” he said and you nodded your head. You pressed a few keys and the bay door began to open. It cracked open slowly but the cold air hit everyone quickly. Wind whipped at your face and pushed your hair back and you had to clench your jaw to stop your teeth from chattering.

You could see the shuttle in the distance, and General Hux made a comment to his guard, not so much to you, “If the commander is not piloting then that is not a good sign.”

You wanted to groan and roll your eyes. Of course it’s not a good sign, when is it ever? You hoped the damage wasn’t too extensive. But you just stood there and laced your fingers in front of you. The shuttle finally neared, and you could hear the engines slow as it pulled into the bay. As it did, it pushed more wind into your bodies, but you held your ground fine.

You looked over the body of the shuttle, not seeing much damage on the outside. It needed some cleaning maybe, and you would have to check the engines and make sure it was still in near perfect condition. The shuttle landing gear extended out, and touched the ground, and the ramp almost immediately began to lower. You straighten your posture and stare straight ahead, while the engines died in a buzz. The first to exit were the troopers who had gone with the commander, and they stood at your side as Commander Ren stepped down the ramp.

He was tall and dark, covered completely in black robes, and his presence would undoubtedly scare the average person. But not you. You had managed this whole time flying under his radar, you paid him not attention. The only time you really thought about him was when a few of the others would speculate who or what exactly was under that helmet. All you cared about was the fact you could see his fists tightened into a ball, and his posture looked angry. Hux and him spoke momentarily before they both walked off with one another.

The troopers beside you began to follow, one turning to face you as you relaxed your stance, “Just a fair warning, it’s not pretty in there.” Before you could say your thanks, you closed your eyes for a moment.

Great, this was great. Just what you wanted to hear.

You grabbed a pad from the terminal and began to walk the perimeter of the shuttle. Not too much outer damage, it was almost in the same perfect condition as it left. Maybe a couple scratches, easy to buff out, and you typed on the pad your findings. You stepped towards the ramp that led inside and took a breath to prepare yourself. Time to see what exactly the condition looked like in here.

You stepped aboard and nearly gapped. There were slashes down a side of the wall, still sputtering electrical shocks as you stood there gawking. Oh you knew what that damage was. Fucking lightsaber marks. You set your pad down on the piloting console, and walked over to the wall.

What. The. Fuck. What the fuck was this guys problem? Was he really that inconsiderate that he literally fucking ripped through metal? For what! What makes someone do that?

You felt lightheaded, it was sudden and you had to hold onto the torn apart wall to hold yourself up. Your vision went fuzzy, and you blinked to try and see clear again. You heard footsteps coming your way, and you shook your head to compose yourself, and grabbed your data pad to begin ordering repairs for this..damage.

The presence stomped up the ramp, and you knew exactly who it was by the sound of it. You closed your eyes and fought back the groan you wanted so badly to let out. Fucking great.

“Is something wrong, officer,” the voice said. The filter in the helmet gave nothing away, but you could tell the tone of voice was irritated. You took a deep breath in and spun around, holding the data pad against your chest.

“Commander Ren, I’m just performing the post-flight-”

“I didn’t ask you that,” he cut you off and took a step forward to you. He was taller and bigger than you in stature, but you didn’t back off, “I asked if something was wrong.”

“I don’t know what you mean, sir,” you replied, looking up to meet his gaze. Out of the corner of your eye you could see his fist tighten. He looked you over quietly and you didn’t like that. But you didn’t avert your eyes. Look then, you wanted to say. Take a fucking picture too if you want.

What was wrong with you today.

“I would watch your tone, officer,” he commented, and that made you raise a brow, “you should feel nothing but gratefulness for the opportunity you have with the First Order.”

What did that mean. What? Tone of voice?

“Yes, sir,” you replied. He looked you over once more, and turned to walk down the ramp. Your shoulder relaxed, and all you could think was what an opportunity it was to clean up after someone who acted like such a child.

He stopped in his tracks, and you stared at his back. Commander Ren looked over his shoulder for a moment and finally left the shuttle. You let out a breath of relief, and looked back to the wall. What a weird morning already.

The day seemed to drag on as you put in work orders for everything that was needed. You were in what you would call your office, that was shared with three other people. You sat down in a chair that was right in front of a larger terminal, easier to work on then the one in the bay, and you were busy typing away what you needed. You also couldn’t help but go over the events that had transpired that day. You shook the thoughts from your mind when the door to the room opened.

“You missed all the fun today,” your friend Reina said to you. She sat at the terminal she claimed was hers, and spun her chair to face yours, but you had to keep typing as she spoke, “I’d say there’s one hell of a Resistance pilot out there.”

“Hey if you want to switch, be my guest and you can finish all these work orders,” you threw back at her.

“That bad?”

“That bad,” you replied and shrugged your shoulders, “just because you have a lightsaber doesn’t mean you should just use it to trash your own shuttle. Especially when someone else had to clean up the mess.”

Reina shook her head, “Yes but they don't care about that. They know someone is going to fix it so it doesn’t matter what they do.”

You sighed, finishing the last work order you had to punch in. 22 requests needed within the next day. It was going to be a long 48 hours for you and the team who’d be assigned to assist you. You spun your chair to meet Reina’s face.

“I didn’t think when I joined the First Order I’d just wind up being someone’s maintenance bitch,” you commented and she gave you a sad smile, “it just doesn’t feel like my work is that important.”

“But it is,” she replied, “hell without you no one could fix that thing. Even I don’t know how the ins and outs of it, but as someone who helped develop its plans-”

“But no one knows I helped develop the shuttle plans. That’s the problem, they’re long gone with promotions and making twice as much as I do.”

Reina extended her hand for you to take, and you did, and she clasped her other hand over it, “You’re going to get the recognition you deserve one day. It sucks it’s not now, but it’ll happen. Too damn smart for it not to.”

Reina always knew how to help you feel better. You gave her a sad smile and off you two went to get some kind of food into your systems.

2300 hours.

You had finally made it back to your room. It was decently sized, you couldn’t really complain. But the metal walls, metal bed that held your mattress (if you could call it that), no decorations, and a bathroom with a decent refresher. You reached behind your back to unzip your uniform, struggling to reach the zipper. You stopped when there was a beep at your door. You sighed, and walked back over, and instead undid your hair that was in a ponytail all day, letting your hair relax. You didn’t know who it was, but you ruffled your hair as you pressed a button near the door and allowed it to open.

Were you expecting Commander Ren to be there? No. Absolutely not, and you could not hide your surprise.

“Commander Ren-”

He walked into your room without paying you any mind. You stood at the door for a moment and blinked trying to comprehend what the fuck was going on.

“Please, come in,” you muttered and turned to face him. The door to your room shut, and almost immediately, Commander Ren’s hand extended out, and there was a grip around your neck. You gasped, the air exhaling your body as you struggled to breathe.

“Your thoughts are too loud,” he said, taking a step forward, his hand pinched like it was around your throat.

“What do you mean,” you tried to manage but it didn’t really come out that audible. But he heard you.

“Don’t play stupid, (Y/L/N),” you shook your head, almost feeling like your eyes were going to flutter close, and right then he released his grip on you and you gasped for air.

“Every thought since I’ve returned, I could hear each one,” he said, and you rubbed your throat, “your attitude towards me are the loudest thoughts you have.”

“You just fucking choked me,” you shook your head, “I don’t even know what you’re going on about!”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” he warned you, and you stood straight, “you incompetence annoys me.”

“My incomp-” you stopped yourself from continuing this charade, “y’know what? Please get out.”

“No.”

“No? What do you mean no?!”

He took another step forward, and you swallowed the lump in your throat. Kylo Ren towered over you once again that day, you would lie if you didn’t say he made you nervous.

“I’m making you nervous,” he said and you blinked at him. Stop doing that!

“What is it about you,” he said again, and looked over you, “why is the Force connecting us like this.”

“Please leave,” you asked again. You didn’t know if his eyes were locked with yours, but he moved around you and to your door. Without saying a word, you relaxed, and rubbed your shoulder. What the fuck was that? You forcefully reached around your back and barely reached the zipper on your uniform, and pulled it down, and let your clothes hit the floor. You walked to your bathroom that held the refresher in it and continued to strip down, desperately needing a shower. Anything to get today’s grime off of you.

You turned the refresher on and stepped into the warm water. You didn’t know what Commander Ren meant, by any of it, but you tried not to think too much about it. Since he could (apparently) hear what you were thinking. You cleared your mind as you washed your body down. You stayed in there until the water started to turn cold, and you turned it off and carefully exited, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around yourself.

The only thought in your head right now was getting into bed and getting some rest for tomorrow.

#kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo x you #kylo x reader #ben solo #ben solo x reader #ben solo x you #kylo ren fic #ben solo fic #star wars #star wars fic

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youngbugandtonystank · 5 years

Note

If you can, do some more of the facial and body language analysis posts because they're soooo good, I love them and your blog 💕

Hi, I’m sorry for the long wait!

This must be the hardest analysis yet. I cried three times writing this, so I’m sharing my pain with you.

1. Peter is a kid.

2. Tony and Peter are a team.

3. He’s traumatized.

Ok, the first thing you gotta understand about Peter Parker in these movies: he is a kid.

No matter how much you want him to act all grown up and capable, he’s a kid. A very brave kid. Throughout the movie, Peter remains calm and collected because he really wants to help and he understands the gravity of the situation. Bear in my mind this kid is not acting because someone gave him orders but because they informed him what’s going on. He knows that they need to take the gauntlet off, he knows Thanos is dangerous and this could be the complete demise of not only his neighboorhood but the entire earth. We all know that at the end of the movie, Peter shows just how scared he was all the time.

‘You can't be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man...if there's no neighborhood.’

The minute he realizes that there’s trouble, he goes and helps.

It’s been two years since Homecoming (it was confirmed that the time gap between HOCO and IW was two years even if Peter says he’s 16 in FFH. This could possibly be a mistake since not many people knew much about IW and Endgame back then. Also, in HOCO there was a similar mistake with the timeline. "Eight years later") Peter’s been spiderman for almost three years and he knows how to control and work his powers better. He probably trained with Tony and he has now more experience with all the superhero thing.

Now, Peter is his very own independent hero, he has his story but some people think that everything about him revolves around Tony and I’ve said it before, in my HOCO analysis that the reason people think this is because Tony Stark is a very big presence in the MCU and it’s easy to overlook the other details about Peter’s life when someone that big is also there too. But, any fan who really loves Spiderman knows that Peter’s journey is about growth. It’s about sacrifice. It’s about responsibility. It’s about him finding his way into this world and surviving it. It’s about him protecting the little guy because he is the little kid in a big world like his. His attachment to Tony has more to do with the fact that he wants a male figure in his life, one that is alive. He wants the comfort, the safety and the support that comes with it. A teenage wanting those things is not out of the ordinary. He’s allowed to have more than one paternal figure in his life. Don’t constraint Peter just because you don’t like Tony Stark.

And Peter himself confirms this:

‘Peter knew he should feel all these things -help other people, being responsible inthe hero business- without Tony’s approval. But, right now, Peter wanted Mr. Stark to approve of him more than anything.’

‘Mr. Stark made him feel normal and okay. Something he thought he’d never feel again.’

Something very interesting to me was how both Tony and Peter reacted the same way when the aliens came. Tony was internally panicking and said to Bruce: ‘This is it.’ And in the IW novelization, the moment Peter saw the space ship he said to himself: ‘This was it. He had to do something.’

Something that I just love about this is how much they know each other too well. Tony knows Peter is stubborn and he won’t give up easily. Tony told him that Strange ‘The wizard’ was in trouble and Peter went after Maw and didn’t let go even if he was getting dragged up to space, so he did what he usually did when Peter was being difficult. Force him back to earth. And Peter? He cooperates with him so well, he calculates his mentor’s next moves and goes along with it. They’re a team. They have worked together before. Two years of working together. Look at the coordination, how they flawlessly work together. They’ve done this before. How Tony just informs Peter what’s going on instead of yelling and panicking. He understands Peter is pretty capable of defending himself.

Later, they demonstrate this again with this:

Peter is capable of thinking of a solution because this kid, no matter how many pop culture references, is a genius and will be a great strategist in the future and Tony knows this. He left EDITH to Peter for these reasons.

This is routine for them. Tony makes this a teachable lesson. lol. ‘Come on. We got a situation. See him down there? He's in trouble. What's your plan?’

He’s a dad, forgive him.

I love how they just bicker while Strange is getting tortured down there lmao.

This part only solidifies their relationship. Look at Peter looks so done and disappointed because this is the same argument Tony gives him when he’s in danger. Tony may trust Peter but his safety always comes first and Peter knows this. Look at him:

He takes in the situation and even if he can come back to earth and fight the other aliens there, he won’t leave Tony. I want to clarify that the reason Peter is in space is because 1. He wants to fight. He wants to help. He’s said it before, if he has the chance to help, he'll do it. He’s spiderman and is his responsibility to help if he can. This is the essence of Spiderman.

‘When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.’

2. Tony. He’s a loyal kid and he loves his mentor. People regularly point out Tony’s fear of losing Peter but Peter is just equally scared of losing Tony.

‘speaking of loyalty...’ ‘I just thought about you on the way...and kinda stuck to the side of the ship.’

So he fights Tony on this. He won’t let him not participate. He already lost Ben, he won’t lose Tony. He knows this is a dangerous situation, he wants to protect his people. He feels responsible for them and he’ll fight to do the right thing.

Another thing is how much Peter trusts Tony. He knows and is so sure that Tony will keep him safe, no matter what. This is because Tony has proved this before. Multiple times. He knows he’s Tony’s priority even if the world is practically ending.

‘He wanted him away from all of Tony’s complicated feelings around caring about this kid way too much to focus on the task at hand.’

‘Tony had to keep himself calm and not think back to mere seconds ago when that terror had been his own, directly connected to the possibility of losing Peter Parker.’

‘Tony had only continued onto the ship because he felt certain that he’d gotten Peter safely out of harm’s way. With Peter here, very much IN harm’s way, would he be able to fully concentrate on the task at hand?’

‘They were about to take on the greatest enemy they’d ever faced. This was an enemy that had haunted Tony for six years. An enemy that threatened to wipe out half of the universe, untold trillions of beings with the snap of his fingers. He had a wide-eyed kid he had to protect’

‘Is this… oh, no�� is this how it feels? To be on the other end of this? He owed Pepper an apology. He owed Pepper a lot of apologies.’

I love how Tony is comparing Pepper’s love for him with his own love for Peter. This not only tells you Peter is part of his family but just as Endgame confirms it, Peter is one of the few people he loves the most in the world.

Later, when the guardians attack, look at how Peter stays put, he could easily get himself out of Quill’s grip but he doesn’t, he lets Tony handle the situation.

Makes me wonder how many times they’ve been in this situation. Homecoming!Peter would’ve done something very reckless. He would’ve risked his life or someone else's but this is a 17-year-old kid who’s had Tony as his mentor, he’s had May to think about and he won’t let Ben down.

Also, the non-verbal communication between them is very telling. How the glances, the trust and the way they fight tells us how much they mean to each other. How he always looks at Tony for his reaction and how both of them are in synch with everything.

Now, let’s talk about this kid’s bravery in this film. Look at him, this is peak bravery. This kid is kicking one of the most terrifying and powerful titans on the universe.

Even if I loved FFH, I think they shouldn’t have skipped the part where Peter dwells with the repercussions of his trauma. They should’ve focused on Peter’s traumas and experiences after passing through all of this.

Look at this, you do really believe this kid wouldn’t have nightmares of this monster? He probably sees his face in every nightmare. This titan killed Tony. This titan killed him and half of the universe. He threw him around like a rag doll, chocked him and slammed him against the ground.

One of the most heartbreaking things is that Mysterio is right about what he said to Peter. ‘Maybe if you were good enough, Tony would still be alive’ Peter feels responsible. He does. Remember how Peter was a big part in securing the gauntlet? He took the gauntlet off Thanos. He actually did it. He took it off. For Peter, there were pretty close. That was it. He doesn’t know what Strange knows, Strange must’ve seen in all of the millions of possibilities he saw that even if Peter took the gauntlet off, Thanos would still win. But Peter doesn’t know this. He thinks he almost got it.

When he came back, he was one of the people who went after the gauntlet to protect it. He took it because he felt like this was his responsibility before waking up and now he’s trying to amend that by taking care of it. Thanos started blowing people off with lasers and Peter still held the gauntlet like it was his lifeline.

He feels like he failed. The person who used the gauntlet, later on, is his mentor.

Of course he feels like he failed. He feels responsible for Tony’s death even if he’s not.

‘I don't think Tony would have done what he did, if he didn't know you were going to be here after he was gone.’

He knows that Tony practically did it for him. Tony is a hero and he would’ve done that regardless but the motivation behind all of it, it was Peter. Always Peter.

‘Tony second-guessed everything he did. But the one thing he didn't second guess was picking you.’

It’s natural that Peter feels responsible. Look at the catatonic way he behaves after the horrible experience. He’s still in shock.

Peter is the kind of kid that stands tall and bounces back up when the situation demands it but he’s also the kind of kid that wants to introduce himself to a magical cape and walk ladies across the street.

Look at him: This kid is scared but his bravery doesn’t let him hesitate. He knows what’s right and he knows in his heart, what he needs to do.

This is the kind of kid that would go to war with his mentor, stay on the space ship to save one person, come back from being dead and fight all over again.

Now, this is the most painful part and I almost wanted to skip it because... I’m still not over it and I never will. I still think Tony deserved a different ending.

So first Tony witness one of his biggest nightmares. Peter dying. Peter, for the first time in this film, shows us just how scared he truly is. He sees how the others start fading and he feels his demise coming. It’s inevitable. So he thinks in the one thing he always thinks about when he’s in a place where he can’t save himself. He goes to Tony. He thinks Tony can save him. Tony always saved him so why would this time be different, right? He desperately clings to Tony and begs him to save him. He doesn’t want to die.

When he knows that there’s no other way, he gives up. This 17-year-old kid just gave up on his life and apologized for it. This just tells you how selfless Peter is. He’s dying and he’s concerned Tony is going to blame himself for his death.

Then, when he comes back, from Peter’s perspective, it’s only been a couple of hours or minutes but he doesn’t know he lost 5 years of his life. Imagine how traumatic it was for him when he realized he’s been dead for years.

He lets Tony hug him. He’s probably done this before. I refuse to believe this is their second hug after two years. Just because this hug is more emotionally charged doesn’t mean Peter didn’t get any affection from Tony before.

Then the terrible thing happens. He realizes his mentor is dying and tells him the thing no one else told him: ‘We won and you did it, sir.’

Tony did it and Peter is aware of this. He tells him it’s him, it’s Peter. It’s someone he trusts and knows. ‘Can you hear me?’ He clings to him and by the look on his face, Peter’s in pain. He passed through this once and now he’s doing it again. For Peter, this is history repeating and he feels like is his fault all over again.

He’s begging Tony to come back now. He’s watching his father figure die. This kid must be pretty messed up. I thought that after this he wouldn’t be capable of trusting people again but maybe FFH took another direction and showed us that nothing can corrupt Peter’s pure heart. Tony would’ve wanted him to stay pure. It’s just who he is, he always put others before himself.

In my perspective, I think Peter is not over Tony’s death. He’s not even halfway there. He’s still in denial, he’s still assimilating, he’s still going through it and it’s going to take some time.

Peter is one of the bravest kids out there and that alone should be a big reason to have mad respect for him. He has been through hell and back and he still comes out on top in every situation.

Tony is a big part of his life, and he is always going to be. Peter has Tony in his heart and his presence will still be on him the rest of life. He loves Tony and will always love him, whether you like it or not and if you want to be mad about this, stay mad. This is a fact and no matter how much whining you do, there’s nothing you can do to change that.

#tony stark #peter parker #Iron Man #spiderman #irondad #spiderson #avengers endgame #endgame #infinity war #avengers infinity war #robert downey jr #tom holland #mcu #marvel #ffh #far from home #homecoming

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swellwriting · 4 years

Text

A NEW ORDER - Part 1

- Knowledge meets Power -

Warnings: None.

A/N: Okay so hear me out, this chapter is a lot I know, and it’s necessary to set up the story in future parts!! I promise we will meet Mando soon I just had to get the story building out of the way. Also, I know there’s sexual tension between The Senator and Luke, trust me it serves a purpose (conflicts later on and such). I’m not just trying to sexualize everyone’s favourite Space Twink for no reason lmao.

Summary: Leia & crew visits Chandrila, The Senator meets Luke, books are read, plans are made, Jedi training takes place, young Ben Solo is cute, The Senator leaves Chandrila to start her mission to go to the bounty guild in the Outer Rim.

Word Count: 3.8k Series Masterlist Part 2

The New Republic is thriving, and you could not be more proud. Working with the Rebellion to help bring down the Empire, saying goodbye to the Old Republic, issuing the peace treaty with the Galactic Empire which was now in non existence (aside from the parts of the galaxy that remained out of reach of the New Republic where loyal Imperialists fled to hide) and demilitarizing according to the act that was issued following the treaty.

It was work that made you feel good, confident, the kind of politics you flourished in, knowing that you were on the right side, there were no Palpatine’s rising to power, no Empire in the shadows, just plain politics working just the way they should.

It would probably make you sound insane if you were to tell anyone you were growing bored with it, well maybe there was one sole person who could understand.

“Leia!” You exclaimed as your long-time friend walked into the room. You were in Hanna City in Chandirlla, in the empty building that was sometimes the capital building for the Republic, sat in a large meeting room at a long empty table. Though you were sat alone almost every seat had books in front of it.

“I think you read a little too much,” Leia teased as she sat in the seat beside you and picked up one of the books you had taken from the Republic’s large library of books recovered from the Old Republic.

“I don't think there’s such a thing, with a galaxy so large there’s so much to learn and if we ignore the past history is bound to repeat itself.”

“And what’s your interest in the pasts of the Jedi?” She asks flipping open one of the books which contains the Jedi code.

“I think perhaps it’s an outdated religion, but I could see a resurgence if perhaps more force-sensitive people were to come forward and be willing to work together to create a new and improved Jedi Order, separated from the Republic this time.”

“So not politics related? You must be bored.”

“That’s an excellent way to put it, I feel as if I have achieved everything I aimed to with the New Republic, helping to build it into what it is today and seeing the Empire fall from power. I want to move onto other things.”

“You sound exactly like Luke, I really need to introduce you two,” she teases, knowing you have asked her countless times, then she turns to leave the room.

“You should, I’d love to meet him and see what he’s like. My strength with the force is minuscule but given what he’s accomplished, I’m sure he could teach me a few things.”

“I’ll tell him to come to meet you,” she says, her back still facing you as she leaves the room.

“Leia wait, when? Also, what are you even doing here? The New Republic’s capital was moved to Hosnian prime, you know that? There’s nothing here for you?”

“That’s not true, you’re here and you are the only person high up in the New Republic who will listen to me about the rising threat of the First Order, though small I still don’t trust them ever since they left their wing of the New Republic, they have been lurking in the shadows since, probably growing in the sess pool of the Outer Rim.” Spoken like a true princess.

“True yes, and I understand your concern but there’s nothing I can do besides sending your informative report to those above me, again.”

“And will you, again?” She asks and she has this sly smile, you know you can’t say no to.

“Of course, I’ll send them the report until their datapads crash and their trash compactors are filled.”

“See, that’s why I came to Chandrila! I did live here at one point too if you haven’t forgotten, Ben was born here, we like to visit.” She teases you further, knowing you meant no judgment in your question. You’re walking beside her, down the barren hallways of the fancy building. Hallways that were once bustling with people but the ever-rotating capital stays true to its promise, it is not solely on one planet, travelling from different places in the systems.

“So when do you think you can introduce me to your brother? I'm not all that busy right now, there are no elections coming up, I can travel whenever, wherever.”

“Can you walk outside?” She quips and leaves you standing there confused as she leaves the building, you follow her after a moment, doubling up your steps to catch up with her until the sunshine and the bright purple skies fill your eyes.

You follow her to the familiar-looking Millenium Falcon that’s parked in the Senate houses hangar bay, the ramp is down and you can see Chewy with a four-year-old Ben Solo on his shoulders trying to fix or adjust something on the Falcon.

Han is sat in the grass with Luke standing in front of him talking about something in-depth that looks like it’s boring Han because his head shoots up when he sees the two of you approach.

“Senator!” Han exclaims standing up and dusting himself off.

“Solo!” You say with a cheesy smile as he wraps you in a hug getting some of the dirt he failed to wipe off on your long yellow and white dress.

“I'm Solo too!” Ben yells from the top of Chewy’s shoulders.

“And how is my favourite Solo doing today.” You ask as you look up at Ben.

“I'm great!” He yells with a bright smile from you calling him your favourite.

“Luke, this is our good friend, the one I was talking to you about before we got here.”

“Hi, I’m Luke.” He says with a smile as he walks up to you, offering his hand to shake. You can instantly see the resemblance between him and Leia but Luke smiles different, perhaps a bit more cheery than Leia usually is.

“Hello.”

“You’re the one Leia mentioned, you can uh, feel the force right?”

“Yes, but as I was telling her it doesn't mean much I don’t have a lot of control over it.” You try to undermine yourself, not wanting to make a big deal of it, something you kept secret for so long was now less taboo and it was hard to get used to even talking about it without it feeling wrong or strange.

“But you want to learn?” He asks and his voice is gentle, he seems kind and he gains your trust too soon.

“I’d like to yes, but I’m afraid I’m rather new to this whole thing, it was something I really kept to myself as I focused on politics and the New Republic.”

“But now her focus is on rebuilding a better and new Jedi Order.” Leia cuts in revealing your plans before you even properly had made them. You open your mouth but close it as no words manage to come out, trying to explain yourself.

“Well I'm new to this too, the teaching aspect, but I can try my best,” Luke assures you with a smile, he is quite sweet.

“Then you can teach me!” Ben yells as he runs to his uncle’s feet.

“Someday sure buddy.” Luke pats Ben’s hair as he looks up at his uncle with total admiration.

You bring Luke inside the Chandrila Senate House and into the meeting room where you have laid out all the books. The ceilings are tall and the walls are smooth stone as daylight pours in through the windows. He follows you in silence. You are too star-struck to talk to him and he finds you far too intimidating to say a thing. Outside when surrounded by his family he felt at ease, you were but a newcomer to him, a stranger asking him for guidance but in here you were like a princess in your palace, quickly maneuvering down the halls, your long dress flowing behind you, posture perfect and steps calculated as if the entire planet was watching you.

He wondered if that was you unconsciously using the force or if you really just seemed to flow through space like that as if the wind existed just to move your dress as you walked.

“This is a lot of books,” he says as he enters the room behind you and picks a few to look at them, “I have been looking for some of these for a long time, do you think I can borrow them after you’ve read them, or had a droid upload them?”

“Oh,” You say flatly by accident.

“Oh?” He asks.

“I've already read them all actually, that one there I’m reading a second time, the Jedi code, for I think it’s important when building new rules to take a look at the old ones and see what needs changing, so you can take all of them if you’d like.”

“You are writing new rules?” He asks as he flips through the pages of the Jedi Code.

“Yes, I tend to approach things such as this by learning as much as I can, I wrote everything important into my notebook, I can have a droid input it onto a datapad for you if you’d like a copy of that as well?”

“Sure, has Leia mentioned my plans to you?” He asks, confused why you seem to be organizing so many things together to help create a new system and new rules and teachings for a new age of Jedi all on your own.

“No, I just became bored with the New Republic, so this was like a side project I took on, it was meant to be a much smaller thing but I couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s brilliant, I mean, you put a lot of work into something that I’ve been thinking about doing for years. I want to create a new order of Jedi like there was before like my father was in but better.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking! For what I lack in skill I make up for in knowledge if you need any help I’d be happy to lend a hand in any way I can.”

“Well I can teach you the ways of the force, strengthen your control over it, help you find a lightsabre of your own, and you can share some of that knowledge with me?”

“Perfect!” You exclaim as you take the book from his hands and put it down beside your notebook, taking a seat and offering him the seat beside you. He sits and moves close to you to see what your reading as your fingers trace up the page and over your delicately inked words. It was rare for someone to still use ink and paper when datapads were much more easily available and common.

“So here are a few rules I think need changing, to be more modern. I for one think The Jedi Order should be it’s own sperate entity from the New Republic while also working with them given they are the government in the galaxy, but separate to avoid and repetition... of last time.”

You explain and he nods as you flip the pages to a list of rules that you marked as outdated.

“What’s this rule you rewrote?” He asks and your face heats up as you know exactly which rule it is.

“Oh, yes that one. Well Jedi’s were all strictly ordered under celibacy in the past, and though I agree that not forming attachments is very important to the way of the Jedi I do think Celibacy is unimportant in that factor, as long as there are no attachments involved….” you prolong the last words as you look up from the paper to find he’s already looking at you. His cheeks are flushed pink and his eyes are a bit wide as he nods his head slowly.

“Yeah, I think… I agree with you. Yes,” he manages to get the words out and you can’t help but feel your face heat up at the whole conversation topic.

“Okay, good.” You agree as Luke stands up abruptly.

“So tomorrow, I’ll meet you back here and we can start your training?”

“Okay, I’ll be here right in the morning after breakfast.”

“Good, um wear something a little less-” Luke tries to explain but can’t find the words as he looks you up and down, your lightly coloured dress that shows your collar bones and shoulders, it puddles at your feet and is tight on your waist, taking over his thoughts

“Less?” You ask, unsure what he means and he quickly stutters to correct himself.

“No, not less. I meant um, wear something less regal, more um, something fit for agility if you have anything… like that”

“Oh, of course,” You say as you both stand in the room awkwardly facing each other, faces hopelessly red, you can feel the nerves flowing between you through the force, neither of you addresses this as he quickly nods and then rushes out of the room.

You stand there for a moment, chest heaving as you catch your breath and calm yourself, thinking over and analyzing each word of the conversation and the dynamic which turned so awkward once you both were alone.

“I can feel the sexual energy in the room, so either you’re going to sleep with my brother or you enjoy reading these books a little too much,” Leia says as she enters the room loudly.

“No, kriff no, Leia I just, we were just. I'm not sexually attracted to books.” You blurt out.

“But you are to my brother.”

“What! No, I ...we were talking about rules and such.”

“That sounds like foreplay when it comes to you.”

“Leia!” You shout covering your face with your hands.

“Relax, I don’t mind, he needs a woman in his life.”

“I'm not trying to sleep with your brother or do anything besides help him bring a new Jedi Order in place and learn the ways of the force from him, nothing more.”

“Personally I think you need a little something more but if you’re fine being married to a library of books I won’t judge, regardless Ben is adamant that you need to have dinner with us, so could you part with your books long enough to eat something?” She asks and you nod, fanning your face briefly as you follow her out the door and to the nice house just outside the capital that they lived in when Ben was first born.

Being the Senator of Chandrila meant you never really left, it was convenient when the New Republic was based here but now you just travelled to Hosnian prime whenever they called you to a meeting or connected through holo tech.

You much preferred the quietness that lingered when the Capital of the city was so empty, your council and the few droids that kept the Senate House looking so pristine were the only people still here, aside from the residents.

In the following days, you trained with Luke and discussed the future of the Jedi. Before you knew it he was giving you a lightsabre of your own that used to belong to Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han said he got it from a friend who bought it off a scrapper after the Death Star was destroyed. You had read about Obi-Wan Kenobi and you were glad to have such a respected Jedi Master’s lightsabre, one that was almost lost forever.

It was the last night before your friends were going to leave Chandrila, you were confident in your skills and Luke had a good understanding of the route you two were going to take with this.

“So whats next?” You ask as you sit in the meeting room with Luke once again.

“There’s still a lot of planning to be done, we need to decide on a planet to home the school, a safe location.”

“Any places in mind?”

“Well, I have to do some travelling to find a place, there are also more books and things that I need to track down. But we mostly need students and that’s where I thought you could come in.”

“You want me to find the students?”

“For most of your life you were hiding the fact that you could feel the force, I think you know what it’s like and you are best suited for recruiting, plus your political side makes you hard to argue with. A lot of these people will be children, very young.” He pauses as he senses your nervousness at such a grand task, doubting yourself and your abilities. “I sense so much light within you, so much hope and kindness that I believe you are best to tackle this. If you want to that is.”

“No of course I do! I’d gladly take that job! I’ll take a break from my political duties with the New Republic and with the help of my pilot droid I’ll track down the future students!”

“I have a feeling, though I hope it’s not true, Han had suggested it and ever since I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“What is it?” You ask as you grab his arm, his tone turning more serious.

“You are a competent fighter and stronger with the force than I thought you would be. If I didn’t have faith that you could do this I wouldn't let you but I think the best way to track these children down is to follow rumours, the problem is that the remnants of the empire will also be following these rumours, tracking down these children, putting bounties on them. So you should go to the bounty guild, the one in the Outer Rim and see how many you can get information on. You may run into a bounty hunter or a few while tracking down these kids so be careful. Then when you find them bring them back here in secrecy, this is your planet I’m sure you can keep them safe here until I establish a place for the school.”

“Okay, I’ll follow any intel I can get and I’ll contact you on the holo transmitter I gave you.” You confirm, pointing the holo transmitter you gave him in his hands.

“Great, I’ll keep you updated too and once I find a planet suitable I’ll join you?”

“Okay,” you say and then smile at him, it felt good, this plan felt good. You had a surge of confidence fill your bones, he believed in you and that meant so much.

“So does this make me a Jedi now?” You tease as he gets up and goes to leave the room.

“I grant you the rank of Jedi Knight,” he jokes, though he is being serious the words feel funny on his tongue, being a teacher and a Jedi Master will be weird.

“Jedi Knight, Senator of Chandrila, member of the New Republic, I like all these fancy titles I have.”

“Well, they suit you,” he compliments as he looks over your appearance again, you still have on a fancy dress, it’s light blue and purple which resembles the sunsets on Chandrila, your light sabre is strapped to your thigh under your dress perfectly concealed if not for the high slit in your dress which makes it visible. His eyes trail up your long legs, admiring you before meeting your eyes and then nervously looking away before forcing out a cough. “I better go.”

“Talk to you soon,” you say as you had already said goodbye to your friends earlier. You watch as he walks away, haste in his step as he boards the falcon, picking up Ben who was stood on the ramp waving to you ecstatically. The Falcon doesn't fly away for a few minutes until it reopens again and Luke walks out, his droids close behind him.

You walk down the steps meeting him halfway, Luke runs up to you almost bumping into you.

“Take my droids with you, R2 can help with flying and computers and Threepio can help you with translating and keeping you company.”

“I am fluent in over six million forms of communications!” The tall golden robot says matter of factly.

“I will take good care of them,” you say with a wide smile before closing the space and wrapping your arms around Luke, encasing him in a grateful hug, “thank you.”

“It’s no problem, I wish I could give you more.” He says casually, you notice the holo transmitter is strapped to his belt, keeping it close to him. You were glad to be building this new Jedi Order with Luke, you couldn’t imagine trying to work with anyone else, he was a great teacher, a gentle soul, a bit foolish but strong with the force.

It gave you hope, this mission should be a breeze! You watched the Falcon fly off and then went to your room to pack up some things and load your ship. You had a Star Yacht, which technically was one of the Chandrila Star Ships but you had total clearance to take yours used for travelling from Chandrila to Hosnian Prime anywhere in the galaxy as you saw fit, no one was going to question your flight plans anyways.

You had a pilot droid which was modelled after the one of a kind droid L3-37 which belonged to Lando Calrissian and got a bit of fame from freeing the slaves on Kessel. When you found the model which only resembled the original droid you had to have it, though none of the personality was shared you were still glad to have a one of kind pilot droid with a personality of her own. You considered hooking her up to the falcon to take what bits of L3 that were integrated when the original droid died, but decided L3 was better off as part of the Falcon, resurrecting droids wasn’t your strong suit anyway. Your droid, L8-39 was a calm droid, precise in her piloting and hated her nickname L8 because she was in fact, never late.

Your ship was just meant to be a travelling ship, a yacht in every sense of the word. There was a bedroom compartment not much less than your actual room in the Senate House, it had a small kitchenette, storage, lots of guest space, a lounge room and was built for comfort and elegance with its shiny chrome exterior.

Though it had a strong shield there were little to no offensive procedures in place, you packed your blaster, your lightsabre and some other handy things that remained after the demilitarization act and decided with your fancy ship, L8, Threepio and R2 you were more than capable.

- Part 2

Taglist: @plethora-of-things @farrvey @mytinybaguette @riverquartzuniverse @rebelspacequeen @vianka601 @mcfrenchiestfry @behobiful @ringpop-poppy @AceHyacinth @queenhockeymug @jedi-dreea @piquantbarnes @kohi-beans @leilei-draws @filmhorrors @fortunatelywaywardsandwich @whtvrwhizzer @awkwardwookie @jinthusiastsss @our-love-world @safelitlehouse @ethngeo @sellyoursoulforagoodname @so-chee @2estoy-rota @swagaliciouspupper @bluelinkmp @basilwrathbone @whovianayesha @oneearbosal @fallingstar5027 @sadgirlrealness @backontheolebullshit @sempiternal-queen

Everything Taglist: @siriuslyimmoony @carolinesbookworld @jordan-ia @theseuscmander @kpopentau @gemimaya @i-am-not-the-real-alice

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black-wolf066 · 4 years

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OMG, omg, omg, omg!!! I’m already developing head canons from the promo pictures and the summary over on IGN alone. just AHHH!!!

Here are the items in question before i start diving head first into the head canons (season 2 is gonna come out and prove me wrong but i do not even care). They will be under the cut.

((credit for photo goes to the show, not me, and the summary is all IGN, also not me. My headcanon’s go to me though lmao)

Okay, so after reading that summary, i had a whole slew of ideas and head canon’s for Ben and Klaus (the terror twins that I can’t wait to see more of).

--they state that they’re all scattered, but we know that Ben is dead and ghosts tend to follow Klaus, so i believe they landed together.

--When they realize that they land alone, they go off trying to find the others; because again, ghosts find Klaus. If his siblings were dead one of them would have manifested by now.

--Maybe they dropped in a field (by a barn or by a park) or maybe near the woods and they take the rest of the night looking and calling out. So, when it’s clear they are well and truly alone, Klaus steals a car (”Don’t crash this one,” “I do know how to drive Ben, i just don’t like too!”) and they form a game plan.

--They still don’t believe they’re the only one’s who made it; Klaus doubts all of them would have moved on (but it could be a possibility if they all thought everyone was dead) and Ben reiterates Five’s rants about Time being fickle and unpredictable (hence why their 58 year old brother is in the body of a 13 year old. They take a silent moment to relish the fact that they are not in their 13 year old bodies).

--They might not know that their siblings have been dropped across different points of time (though Klaus adds it to the list of possibilities--i already head canon that Klaus is far from stupid like everybody believes, he just acts stupid. He survived on the streets for over a decade, he was trained and taught like the rest of his siblings in the academy, AND he was apparently the one to guess correctly that Five went to the future when he disappeared. He’s not stupid, he’s a dumbass, but he’s not stupid, there is a difference people haha). They go with the theory that they’ve been dropped in different parts of the time they’re currently in.

--When they don’t find them, is when they realize that maybe they were dropped in different points in time (neither wants to admit that maybe they really are gone). So they wander the state for however long it is they stay there, looking for clues and using Ben to spy on people’s conversations, hoping someone will talk about spotting any of their weirdo siblings.

--eventually they all come together, but all that time Ben and Klaus never really settled down anywhere. They were wanders who didn’t stop looking. (granted they had their fun while doing so, but they never gave up hope).

--AND more obvious vs. head canon, but Klaus and Ben work on Klaus’ powers. Maybe we even see a glimpse of his telekinesis and levitation. (i mean those other photo promos had Klaus barefoot in the beauty shop--though he could just be getting a pedicure--AND there was a person on the ceiling behind Ben in another photo, so who freaking knows. But i doubt they wouldn’t just explore Klaus’ new powers, especially since it looks like Ben is holding car keys.

(((help me guys i’m in to deep... i might write something later, who knows.)))

#The Umbrella Academy #the umbrella academy headcanon #the umbrella academy season 2 #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #klaus and ben #tua headcanon #tua klaus #tua ben #klaus and ben are the terror twins #i'm sooooo freaking excited for season 2 to be here #i need it like i need air #i need it right now #right forking meow #tua promo pictures #tua season 2 #tua s2 #tua speculation

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bearfeathers · 4 years

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do you have any jedistormpilot headcanons you'd like to share?

YES. (this got really long so it’s under a cut lol)

So, canonically (I guess? Tbh I do so much lore spelunking I forget what Disney has divided into Canon and Legends these days), Poe wears his mother's wedding ring in a chain around his neck. He wants to give it to someone someday. Well, in my own headcanon, his mother was shot down in her A-wing when Poe was 8 and his dad passed away from Creek Fever when Poe was 17. (His dad was stubborn and Luke was off-world training with Ben at the time, so something which could have been recovered from/cured, cost Kes his life. So Poe ran away for a couple years to be a spice runner before eventually returning to the Resistance.) He wears his dad's ring, too. More out of a need to keep a piece of both his parents with him. But he does find it a little alarming that, hey, he's got these two wedding rings—one which he had made a decision to give someone else someday—and now these two amazing people right in front of him.

Poe doesn't deny his love for either Rey or Finn, but he does have trouble sort of... like accepting it. He thinks Finn and Rey make an amazing couple. And he adores them, he does, but he wonders if he's not just playing third wheel. They're both Force sensitive, younger than him, they have this connection, and he's pretty sure he'll live and die in the Resistance, which is not the most stable grounds for a relationship. Sure, his parents had made it work, but he’s not sure he’s like them—not sure he can be anyone other than General Dameron.

He offers the rings unexpectedly after they’ve won that pivotal battle at the end. It’s not even a marriage proposal, exactly, just an awkward sort of like... I love you both more than anything and I can’t words right now but I need you in my life forever.

Finn has never really had anything to base this relationship on. It’s not as though there weren’t stormtroopers who broke the rules, who had relationships and had sex, he just wasn’t really one of them. He formed attachments, sure, did some experimenting physically when the opportunity arose, but romantic attachment was something that eluded him. Until he met Poe and Rey. Because like I said, he’d felt things for people before—his heart has always just been too damn big for his own good—but this was different. He felt things for people who felt things for him, who made him feel things. It’s not just a baseless human need to form attachments and bonds, Rey and Poe love him. They inspire him, they help him grow in ways he never thought he was capable of, that he thought the stormtrooper program had stripped him of. As much as Finn pushes that he’s independent, that he’s an individual, deep down he’s afraid that the program took that away from him. He’s afraid that he’s just play-acting, mimicking things that he sees other normal people do. He’s afraid that a lifetime of being molded into a tool has robbed him of whatever spark it is that makes humans what they are. But then when he’s with Poe and Rey, he feels so many things that he thinks, perhaps, there are just some fires you can’t put out, no matter what you throw on them or how hard you stomp on them.

Rey is a little complicated. She craves attachments, craves having a family. But she waited so long for her parents to come back for her, was so focused on that as her primary goal, that she couldn’t allow for anything else to interfere. However much she yearned to connect to people, to form relationships of her own choosing, she was afraid that the moment she began to do that, she would be giving up on her parents. The slightest lapse in diligence could mean missing them after having waited so long for them to come back for her. So she keeps to herself, mostly. I think that’s part of why she’s so enthusiastic about having BB-8 with her on Jakku—he’s a friend she can have that doesn’t inhibit her goal of finding her parents again. Finn and Poe feel very complicated to her. Because she can feel herself trying to plant roots, wanting to be with them. Even getting as close as she has with them—and with others like Luke, Leia, Rose, Chewie, etc.—sets off alarm bells because she’s forgetting her true mission. And then she finds out who her parents were and what happened to them and why she was left on Jakku. And it’s freeing. She no longer has to wait for people who aren’t coming back for her and she dives headfirst into the relationships she’s held at arm's length. Her enthusiasm surprises Finn and Poe both (though not in a bad way). It’s like a wall’s come down with a few sharp blows and she’s putting the pedal to the metal.

The three of them together takes very little adjusting to. Being in a war, you get used to keeping close quarters with a lot of people. So it’s not all that big a leap for them to start sharing quarters. It’s cramped, yeah, but they’re used to worse. And at some point Poe brings up that, you know, his parents’ house is still on Yavin 4. Still liveable. And it’s got that Force Tree planted out front from Luke, so, you know, maybe Rey would like that? Finn and Rey think it’s funny that Poe has such a long-winded way of asking them to move in with them lmao.

#star wars #jedistormpilot #rey #finn #poe dameron #i have a lot of feelings about poe #but probably because we're close in age lmao #asks #replies #waverly-earp

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maddiesup · 4 years

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Tag game!

I was tagged by @ohbabycupcakes thank u💖

RULES: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things then tag 10 people + leave comments on all of them

This is gonna be hard, where do I even start?

1) Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Okay I'm- trying not to laugh too hard because oh boy, this show was a complete mess. BUT Keith still stays as one of my favorite characters ever just because no matter how badly I was hurt by vld he'll always be precious to me 💖 He's hotheaded, cool and a lone wolf, but needs affection more than anyone else on the team. He's easy for me to relate to as I am more likely to push someone away than to keep them close just to avoid being hurt as well. His development is amazing tho and I love love him so much 😭 also it might be just that I have a soft spot for emo characters lmao

2) Todoroki Shoto (Boku no Hero Academia)

This just reinforces my statement earlier since Todoroki is pretty emo too :') But in a different way than Keith. If you are a part of bnha fandom you know he's generally a little bit overrated, but I couldn't help falling in love with him at first sight anyway lol His backstory is tragic but he keeps pursuing his dream and damn is he good at it. Also the combo of fire and ice is aesthetic goals. However, what I admire the most about Shoto is probably his loyalty to his friends, his will to fight and sometimes his goofy attitude (even if he probably isn't aware that he's being goofy lol) In conclusion: I love him, let's move on.

3) Uenoyama Ritsuka (Given)

Can I just stop to say how much I love given for a moment? Like I've never seen a bl anime/manga that would portray gay characters so respectfully 😭❤️ Ue is basically me gay panicking, I feel the boy so much :') OH also what's up with gays & guitars bc first given, then why r u and now also 2gether :') (I might be falling in love with this trope help) okay so: Ue is panicking when he starts liking Mafuyu but he handles it so well in a way? He doesn't deny his crush even if he is slow to notice it lol He's straightforward and sometimes a little bit rough around the edges, but even if he's supposed to be "the cool guy" we see him in the most hilarious settings and that just makes me love him all the more 💖 he respects Mafuyu and his boundaries and I want more of that in bl anime please

4) Eiji & Ash (Banana Fish)

Uhhhh this anime,,, I CANNOT choose between Ash and Eiji, I'm gonna forever see them as a pair and that's simply it. Ash is another emo one I would like to say that but he's actually not. He's backstory is heartbreaking and the life he has to live is dangerous and scary. He gets used to this reality where he has no one to rely on and no one to trust but then Eiji appears tearing his walls down and making him finally be able to show his soft and sensitive side to someone. Eiji is like a salve for his wounds and yes, I'm still emotional about it bc their relationship is one of the best developped I've ever seen. Their bond is so strong it's beautiful, they would literally die for each other. It's so apparent that they love each other and care for each other so much (don't mind me crying in the corner)

5) Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson & the Olympians)

PJ technically got me into fantasy/sci-fi in elementary school and it stays at the top of my favorite book series list ever (big props to Uncle Rick 👏) The whole series is funny and I would say pretty light-hearted even tho you know,,, Percy saves the world several times, lol, usual demigod things™. He's lovable. Son of Poseidon so he has seaweeds instead of a brain (or so you thought, he is brilliant at strategic planning and has a charisma to be a great leader), has a very good sense of humor, is loyal and would risk everything for his friends. Also he loves his girlfriend very much and I was crying while reading the House of Hades but no one needed to know that oh well. I'm also gonna mention Nico de Angelo here, since he fell in love with Percy (didn't we all tho) and was the first gay character I saw portrayed in the book and oh do I love him 😭💖

6) 707 (Mystic Messenger)

Was I losing sleep over this game? I was. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. I think my choices are pretty boring tho, since Seven is literally everyone's favorite but oh boy there's a reason for that. Apart from being a talented hacker who knows too much (and I think is cautious of us the most at the start) he has a lovely happy-go-lucky personality composed of all the lame jokes, questions "have you eaten already" and anxiety (another emo one). He's that type of a character who will always try to make you laugh but you never know what's going on inside his head. He's mysterious and we don't get to know him well till his route so pretty much till the end of the game lol. Also he loves his brother, phd pepper, honey buddha chips and Elizabeth 3rd the most in this entire world and I love him for that

7) Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

ANOTHER EMO ONE okay but hear me out Evan has social anxiety and its portrayal is almost too real for me. He makes a big oopsie which at the start seems like a little innocent lie but then snowballs to enormous sizes. He gains everything in this bargain, a best (dead) friend, a caring mother, a father, a girlfriend even - and then everything falls apart since it all is built on one fat lie. He makes a lot of mistakes and then some more but you get it and you feel for him, and you cry with him and you're happy for him. And when all of this is over you're glad that he's still there trying his best, taking it one day at a time. And sidenote: Ben Platt's voice is angelic and I love him as Evan 💖💖💖

8) Isak (SKAM)

Another gay panicking one. I'm starting to realize there's a set of traits that I particularly like in fictional characters lol But ye, when I was watching skam ofc it was the third season which gripped me the most and kept me on the edge, bc yet again Isak taking an "are you gay" test was way too real for me. He makes a lot of mistakes along the way of figuring out his sexuality and sometimes stuff with Evan becomes really messy (for both of them) but he stays with him nevertheless ❤️ Skam is literally so good in its portrayal of the characters :') Anyways: alt er love 💖

9) Viktor & Yuuri (Yuri on Ice)

Em, another one that I absolutely can't break up to just one bc how could I? Yuri on ice got me into skating ❤️ I went to an ice rink for the first time bc of this anime and I almost died but now look at me actually finishing my first three months of ice skating training and watching real life figure skating competitions :') Little did I know then. But they're not only my favourites bc of that, I genuinely love the development of their relationship from fan - idol through skater - couch to lovers and history makers in the end. I love how Yuuri is a ball of insecurities and how Viktor manages to reassure him. I love how Viktor fell in love with drunk Yuuri clinging to him. I love how at first Yuuri wasn't able to get too close to Viktor without getting flustered and it changes so drastically to them basically always holding onto each other. I love how Viktor was stuck with no inspiration but then Yuuri came and turned his world upside down. I love how they support and respect each other. I could probably go on into eternity like that and Yuri on ice isn't even the best anime I've ever seen but it's certainly my favourite one ❤️

10) Tutor (WHY R U)

I can't believe I'm so obsessed with thai dramas rn and I'm only gonna include Tor on this list smh He's mental attitude inspires me. He's able to hold so much and appears totally unfazed even if he's barely holding on inside. He's hardworking and doesn't want others to pity him since he can manage it all just fine. He has a kind heart, he's a wonderful friend (especially to Hwa, he always listens to her, gives her pieces of advise, supports her and tries to cheer her up). He never forgets to say thank you when he genuinely feels grateful. But as we've seen he also is passionate and when he loves he LOVES. Also he's the biggest tease to Fighter and I love him for that :') I am so satisfied just by seeing him happy, please do not change that whyru gods 🙏

As it appears I'm done .-. I have no idea what have just happened and if my rambling even makes sense but not that I care at this point. If you read this far, please drink some water now, that was a lot of reading to go through ❤️

Tagging: @wir-ro, @saecookie and any other 8 people who might want to ksks (im too tired to tag lmao)

Don't be like me and go to bed at reasonable hours despite this whole quarantine thing .-. thank again Doreen for tagging since it was really fun 🥺❤️

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thisislavieboheme · 4 years

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Now I need to know the romantic/unromantic story of how you met a stranger while staring at Bouquinistes in the Paris. Are you just living in a man indie coming of age romcom where you fall for French sad boi in a whirlwind summer love that ends with both of you realizing you’ve outgrown one another but wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. Or was it not that deep and I’m just procrastinating on schoolwork by making up this fantasy.

Omg anon, it was all at once exactly everything you described and yet not like that at all. Also, full disclaimer, this is probably the most romantic thing that will ever happen to me and I will never get another chance but here we are:

Back when I was teaching in France, I used to spend my two-week vacations with my Parisien “family,” aka my very dear friend (who, at the time, was a master’s student at La Sorbonne) and her mom. It was the end of March, my last day in Paris before I had to go back to teaching, and the first really beautiful day of spring. And I love me a beautiful spring day in Paris. So I met my friend for lunch near her classes, and then was planning to go to an exhibit at the Musée d’Orsay, and since it was so beautiful out and I love strolling through Paris, I decided to walk there instead of taking the metro.

So I’m walking along the Seine, stopping at the every bouquiniste booth, trying to find a copy of a book I was looking for in French.

Enter Alexandre.

Def a bit older than me (probs in his 30s, I was 23 at the time), kind of gave me super vague floppy-haired Ben Barnes/Louis Garrel vibes, except shorter. He and a friend were walking the same direction as me and they were also stopping at every bouquiniste. Eventually we were kind of moving at the same pace, and after a while it stopped being accidental.

He asked me what book I was looking for, and then started helping me look for it. He was surprised I wasn’t French and was impressed with my accent. We got to talking, he asked me if I wanted to sit with him and his friend for a while. I said yes. We all chatted for a while, then his friend had to leave for work. Alexandre and I stayed, we talked, we exchanged numbers. I told him I was traveling a lot and would be returning to the US, unfortunately, at the end of May (meanwhile I was sitting there with my eye on marrying him for that EU/Schengen Zone passport lmao)

He was a professor in the south of France, but had grown up in paris.

He was also ~A Poet.~

By the time roughly 45 minutes had passed I went from being totally smitten and in love to absolutely HATING him lmao. He was very pretentious, and I don’t know if he thought my French skills weren’t that good and I couldn’t understand but he did not stop talking (about himself) the whole time.

And then, out of nowhere, he kissed me.

I pulled away after a moment and said like “I don’t know you that well” and he got all embarrassed and said “oh it’s because of the sun” (I’m not joking).

Mostly it put me off because dating in France is different, and he didn’t even offer to buy me a coffee or anything - which is a key part of courting in France lmao - and it worried me that he thought maybe I was an easy American or something (which like okay maybe I am sometimes but whatever)?

Anyway so I was younger and more timid in those days so even though I wasn’t into it anymore I hung around until it felt like a reasonable amount of time had passed to make my escape and told him I needed to get to the museum before it closes. He kissed me again and for a hot minute I like pep-talked myself into it (I was living the romantic Paris DREAM this could be FUN) but he was a bad kisser and it felt like I was drowning (it ranks up there in the 3 worst make out sessions of my life) so I just like. broke it off, kissed his cheek, and literally RAN AWAY lmao.

Called my friend freaking out about how off the rails my day went after we had lunch, went to the museum, was in a WTF daze the whole time, and then got home to my friend and her mom basically waiting for me at the door like SO TELL US ABOUT *YOUR* DAY.

He texted me that night asking to see me again and I made an excuse (but not really, I lived a few hours by train outside of Paris) and my friend obviously felt weird about it, despite the hilarity, like he wanted to take advantage of the young American girl, so I felt weird about it too.

However.

Alexandre proceeded to text me every. other. Sunday. for the *rest* of the time I was living in France (it was almost 3 months of my blowing him off every other week whoop). He made it extremely clear that he wanted to see me again. I always made excuses, whether I was in Paris or not, and then didn’t tell him my departure date back to the US.

I imagine one day this poor sadboi texted me to try and ask me out only to find my phone number had been disconnected. RIP our fledgling love.

Anyway so that’s the story of how I experienced the entire scope of a fleeting relationship in a single afternoon on the most romantic day of my life and left some poor melodramatic French boy heartbroken in the wake of my carefree and detached American ways.

Also I never did find a copy of the book I was looking for.

#rip my french boyfriend alexandre #it me #my life #France #funny shit #paris #romance

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kyluxtrashpit · 4 years

Text

2019 Fic Recap

So I’ve done this for the past few years and I started doing it at the end of 2019 but never managed to finish it. I think between TROS and IRL and then I got really, really sick, I just haven’t had the chance to do so. But fuck it, I decided to finish it anyway even though it’s now 3 months late lmao. So anyway, a recap of my 2019 fics

Total wordcount: 96 419 words. Which is less than last year, but still not too shabby. I wish I could’ve banged something out to get it over 100k but eh, it just didn’t happen. I definitely have enough wip words and whatnot to get me over that bump, though

Tough Love, 6572 words, posted Jan 17

So this was an experimental one. As you all know, I’m pretty hard on the sub!Kylo/dom!Hux train. But I had a conversation with a friend and it turned into one of those ‘okay, I don’t like x dynamic because of a, b, and c. But is it possible to write x without those and make it into something I like?’ and as it turns out, yes, yes it was. Thus this fic happened and here we are. I still really like it and I have a lot of Feelings on this dynamic vs the one I usually write, but that’s an essay in and of itself lmao. It got some great feedback too, which was cool

Take My Breath Away, 1230 words, posted Feb 7

Ah yes, this one, which was based off a throwaway KOTOR ability but was an excuse for me to write Kylo getting stuffed from both ends with some asphyxiation thrown in. And also extremely rough sex + softer aftercare is a weakness of mine haha, so I just had to do it

Fix You, 1994 words, posted Feb 10

So this was my first piece for Bad Things Happen Bingo, which is an event I’m still planning to finish at some point lmao, and that I’ve had a lot of fun with so far. This fic was another that I tried for a more ‘classic’ feel with, though it’s a lot softer. The uncomfortable intimacy. The ‘feelings are happening but we won’t talk about them’. The shaky trust. All of that good stuff. I had fun with it

Keep Your Enemies Closer, 1657 words, posted Feb 24

Another for BTHB! I just love when Hux wins, okay. And I think this was one of those time periods where Kylo was doing all the winning in fics and I just. Needed something different lmao. Emperor Hux remains one my all time fave ideas and it’s still a shame canon never gave it to us. But I have the power to make it happen, so I did. Plus Kylo in a shock collar is always fun >:)

Indulgence, 17 357 works, completed Apr 19, first posted Mar 28

So! This was a continuation to my experiment from above and really it was just an excuse for lots of smut and pampering lmao. Much as I had thought I had said everything I wanted to say with Tough Love, apparently I had not, and this monstrosity formed. There may be a third, more serious piece to finish off the series this year, but I haven’t decided yet. Although, I have to admit, I’m still surprised how poorly this fic did feedback-wise, especially compared to its predecessor and considering it’s the more popular dynamic these days. Tbh some of my best smut is in this fic imo, but ah well, sometimes people just don’t like things and I suppose I have to accept that, even if I’m really, really proud of that thing

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Best Served Bloody, 2666 words, posted Apr 29

Another BTHB and, again, not much deeper to it. Beating up Brendol is always fun though lmao. And when I was writing this, I really wanted Hux to be the one to strike at his father. A lot of pieces have Kylo doing it, which is great, but I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted Hux to have the power to save himself. It was fun to write in that way, as a powerful revenge fantasy

The Best, 6450 words, posted May 12

Ah, now this was a fun one lmao. It was born of a horny crack idea but I can’t do real crack, so it ended up as crack treated seriously. And really, I just wanted an excuse to have Kylo sucking dick. A lot of dick. All the dicks he can find lmao. Slutty Kylo fic remains my favourite pwp, so I gotta contribute to the cause, you know. It was a delight to write, though challenging cause it kept turning me on LMAO. Totally worth it though. It was one of the most fun this year for sure

Be My Outlet, 1003 words, posted May 23

There’s not really much of a story behind this one haha. I was horny and I wanted some classic, Not Nice Hux and hatefucking, thus this exists. Plus I miss Kylo getting choked and it’s rare these days to see stuff quite this rough. I also have a bit of a somnophilia thing, which this sort of fits in to. And I’m always a fan of messy, masochist Kylo. So yeah. Idk it’s smut lmao what else could we want? It’s just a short little pwp, but I had a lot of fun with it and it was nice to revisit the classic kylux days

Safe Harbour, 1616 words, posted Jun 13

This one was for kyluxomegaverse week and it was very fun. A/b/o is one of those tropes where I really, really like a lot of it, but there’s also some stuff that’s much less my cup of tea. So I don’t write a lot of it, even though there are aspects of it that I adore. Which this one includes a lot of lmao. I think the nesting is fucking adorable and I wanted to write something soft, so here we are. Plus omega!Kylo is just delightful. Also looking back on it now, this one did really well? Holy shit, I had no idea it was that popular!

With Dignity, 4475 words, posted Jul 1

This was the last for BTHB that I managed last year (and I still intend to finish my card eventually, it’s just been a rough go so far this year lmao). I’m actually very proud of this one because this is the exact sort of angst I love to write. I didn’t intend for it to be as heavy as it ended up being, but when I started looking up the mechanics of force-feeding and reading about the experience of it, the plan changed drastically because holy fuck. I had never thought of it as that much of a torture before. I also enjoy with Hux like, making the reader feel bad for him while also actively reminding them he’s awful and getting that perfect cognitive dissonance. So this was a great excuse to do exactly that. And I love how tough he is even in such circumstances. Despite the heavy subject matter, I had a blast with this one

Greener Grass, 3389 words, posted Jul 14

This one was originally a twitter thread that really got away from me lmao, so I edited it and put it on ao3 because I really liked it. I’ve always liked self-cest as a concept and I thought it’d be interesting for Kylo to interact with a version of himself that made some different choices. One that was happier. And then we see Kylo through Ben’s eyes, see what the dark side has wrought for him. And then, of course, some smut to pull it all together lmao. It was a really fun character study and I had a grand time with it

Subliminal, 5719 words, posted Aug 23

This one! Okay so I’m pretty sure I sent in a couple of khk prompts over the years that were basically this, but no one ever wrote them so I finally did it. I’m honestly surprised hypno kink isn’t actually used more in kylux, considering Hux is canonically in charge of the brainwashing program. So much potential. So I had to write it. I also went down quite a few rabbit holes in researching this (with mixed success lmao) and learned a whole lot about hypno kink in the process. I may have even acquired it as a fetish lmao. But anyway, this one’s a bit darker and it’s fun to write those every once in a while. I think I pulled it off well too

Ashes Among the Stars, 36634 words, posted Dec 1

Ah and my big bang this year! I had a blast with this one although it was quite the challenge. My first fandom was gundam so when I saw this prompt I was very intrigued and ended up getting it. This fic had a lot more world-building than I usually do, which was the primary challenge as I basically had to take aspects from both franchises and sew them together into a new world of its own. I think I did that rather successfully tbh. The plot gave me trouble too but also gave me some of my best eureka moments haha. My partner was also wonderful and made the experience that much better. I know crossovers don’t tend to perform as well, so I was expecting that, though I do wish some more people had given it a chance since I wrote it specifically so that no prior knowledge was needed. But alas, I’m still incredibly proud of it. It’s also my second longest fic ever!

Filthy, 5657 words, posted Dec 9

And here it is, the gangbang fic I’ve always wanted to exist lmao. I had wanted to write this one for a long time, but I could never figure out how to end it, what circumstances would lead to the gangbang. Then a convo with friends gave me the idea and boom, I could finally write it. This fic is just straight up smut and I fucking love it lmao. There needs to be more Kylo gangbang fics tbh

What have I learned?

Last year wasn’t as successful for writing as I’d hoped, given that I wrote less in 2019 than I did in 2018. But also a lot of things happened to me last year. I got a new role at work. My dad had a heart attack (he’s okay though). I had a pretty rough time with my mental health. And then there was the lead up to TROS and the frankly unnecessary amount of stress that caused me. So there was a lot going on and working against me, which is a large part of why I didn’t manage to write as much as I’d hoped I would, and there’s a lot in my folder that I started but just wasn’t able to finish before the end of the year. I worried for a while I was losing interest, but looking back, no, it was definitely the IRL shit lmao. That said, I’m also extremely happy with all of the pieces I did finish, regardless of how well they did. I’m proud of them and I loved writing them, even when it was difficult

One of my goals from last year was to write more, which I didn’t manage, and to get better at answering comments, which I think I did well on for the most part up until post-TROS lmao. I also wanted to do the big bang again (and I was hoping for a reverse, which it was!) and I did. And I also wanted to have fun and keep my confidence with my writing, which I think I was the most successful at. I feel really good about everything I made and I really enjoyed writing them, even if I didn’t manage to finish everything

Goals for 2020?

I think part of the reason I didn’t finish this post in 2019 is because of my TROS breakdown and subsequent stresses associated with it. Because I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what I was going to do. Sometimes I wanted to give up and find a new fandom/ship, other times I was sure I was over it and going to just do whatever the fuck I wanted, and then there was every emotion in between

Now, though, I’m sure I’m going to keep writing here. I haven’t managed much this year yet, but I can feel it coming back to me. I have a post-TROS fic I managed to solve a major problem with the other day. I also have renben as a new ship to excite me. And I still have a lot of wips and BTHB and various others I desperately want to do. Right now, I feel good about my writing and my interest in it is back to normal, which is great. So this year? I’m not going to set a hard goal. I’d love to write more than last year and maybe I will, but it’s okay if I don’t. I’d love to do another big bang this year, but I’m not going to kick myself if I can’t handle it when that time comes. I’d love to finish BTHB, but if it stretches into another year, who cares? My only goal is to just keep writing and keep enjoying it. I want to have fun with it. I want to be happy with whatever pieces I do manage to put out. I want to set aside time to read more fics from others, if I can. And I think all of those will really help with my mental health, which is starting to recover right now, and that’s what’s most important of all

Also thank you all for your patience with me. I know I’ve not been responsive, here or on twitter or to comments, but I am trying my best. It’s been a rough go and I don’t like to whine too much in my fandom spaces. I don’t know when or even if I’ll get back to normal, but I’m trying, and that’s what matters. I love every one of you on here <3

#kylux #I started this back in december #but then shit happened and I just never had a chance to finish it #but I thought about it yesterday and was like fuck it this is happening #but anyway I do love everything I wrote this year #so I'm not going to be sad that there was less of it than I hoped #I'm proud of what I've accomplished #and I'm going to hold onto that and that's all I want from 2020 writing wise: to be happy with what I did #it's not about the volume #it's about my own personal happiness with it #but anyway #my fic #shut up nerd

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darthrevaan · 4 years

Text

So I’ve been reading Rise of Skywalker leaks/spoilers today and man some of them are a ride

(Potential spoilers under the cut obviously)

- Rey is not only Palpatine’s granddaughter, but he’s been setting things up for thirty years so that she can inherit the Empire from him??? And rule it with Kylo??? Apparently Palpatine is a reylo shipper who knew

- Apparently Palps can disable an entire fleet of ships with force lightning now?

-.....and apparently Rey can do the same??? (clearly they’re family)

- The Falcon gets blown up and Leia, Chewie, 3P0, R2 and Lando all die. Just. they all die. in one swoop. (Supposedly this caused test screening audiences to walk out of the theatre but who knows if that’s true)

- Or alternately Leia dies in bed of natural causes in a scene that apparently mirrors Yoda’s death, and Luke’s force ghost appears to her on her death bed

- There are like five Palpatine clones and one of them is young!Palps played by Matt Smith??? (I mean I actually like Matt Smith I just don’t think he looks much like Ian McDiarmid lmao)

- There are Star Destroyers with Death Star guns on them (we know there’s a lot of Star Destroyers somewhere bc the trailer but.......Death Star guns)

- Also these Star Destroyers have been frozen in ice or something......(idk this sounds far-fetched even for these rumours)

- Rey and Kylo have a lightsaber battle despite being on different planets....through their force connection....somehow

There were things that I thought might actually be decent, though, if they turn out to be true:

- It’s rumoured the movie will open with a flashback of young Luke and Leia, and Luke training Leia in the Force. In the opening act of the movie Leia apparently passes on what she learnt to Rey, which would be cool, and in the final act a redeemed Kylo/Ben apparently uses her old lightsaber (there is some suggestion that she gives up Jedi training because she’s pregnant, i’d much prefer if she just decides the politician’s path is better for her)

- It seems like Poe and Finn have been working together in some capacity, maybe doing intelligence work since they’re the ones who apparently get in contact with the “first order mole”? (Honestly give me anything Poe and Finn, I’m still hopelessly on that train)

- Leia’s the one who puts the gang in contact with Lando, which I hope means they are still friends! Lando!

- Hux the First Order mole comes up again, it’s come up in several different leaks now so I hope it’s true. Mainly because it’s hilarious to me, the idea that Hux is so pissed at Kylo that he abandons his principles to leak info to the resistance just to get back at Kylo (Or he could be having some kind of redemption arc too, I would like that, none of these leaks mention his actual reasons for being the mole so there’s room to speculate there)

- Apparently during Rey and Kylo’s big fight on the death star (which we’ve seen in the trailers of course) Rey taps into the dark side to defeat him, and that’s when she sees the vision of the dark version of her. This scares her enough to make her run to Acht-to just like Luke, wondering if she should swear off being a Jedi after all. I like this because finally! Rey character development! Also I love Jedi struggling with their dark sides

- She leaves a half-dead Kylo behind, which is when he apparently sees a vision/force ghost/hallucination of Han, who tells him to come back to the light. I mean I would prefer if this was Han and Leia, or if Kylo/Ben had the opportunity to reconnect with Leia too somewhere, but Han making up with his son is good. Some of the people making the videos I watched seemed to think force ghost Han would be the worst thing in the world, but tbh I wouldn’t care. The Force does weirder shit (and hey maybe Luke is helping him project his image to Ben or something, who knows) I used to just hate Kylo so much and want him to just straight up die as a villain, but now I think that’s too sad an ending for Han and Leia’s only child, so

- Anyway Rey and Ben have a final showdown with Palpatine and apparently Ben dies, which while I’m not happy about per se (I have come to hate Kylo/Ben much less), it does suggest we might get bendemption without reylo, which would be perfect for me

- Apparently the whole thing ends with Rey combining Anakin/Luke’s saber with Leia’s to make a new one that’s entirely hers, with a yellow/gold blade (some of the leak reviewers seemed to think this was dumb, I don’t know why, yellow blades are a thing and also they’re cool) and then she makes some kind of pilgrimage to Tatooine to bury the other lightsaber parts at the Lars homestead. The final shot apparently mirrors the shot at the beginning of ANH with Luke staring out at the binary sunset, which I think could be a pretty fitting, nice way to end things (there’s a suggestion that she takes on the name Skywalker as well, not entirely sure how I feel about that, but maybe it’ll work, who knows)

Honestly, this might be.....watchable? At least it might not be as much of a burning tirefire as The Last Jedi, let’s put it that way

#the rise of skywalker #star wars #rise of skywalker #rise of skywalker spoilers #rise of skywalker leaks

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