im-trying-to-forget-you

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

20. November 2021

It's been 4 years now. 4 years since we met in that hell of a restaurant. We've been working together, became friends, started dating and figured out that it just doesn't fit. We tried to get back to being friends, which never really worked. Then I moved away, we lost touch and somehow I got over it. 3 years later I worked on a timeline for my therapist and had to think about that time. I wrote down his name and then crossed it out, because it just has lost it's relevance. I realized, for the first time, that I'm okay it's over, that it's a part of history and that maybe we'll never meet again. Life has it's own strange sense of humor. Just an hour later, I recieved a message from him, telling me, he had to think about me. Well, I was stuck in a weird shock for hours and repeatedly asked my inner, self-satisfied grinning fate, if it is kidding me.

6 months later, we finally met each other again. Nothing really changed, he still is the same confident, (fucking hot) boy who never lost his inner child. But he also still doesn't care enough about anything. But luckily I'm at peace with myself now and won't get attached to him in the same way I was back then. I'm not into that sick game of giving attention and then ignoring someone for days. And I don't want to run into his arms again as soon as he calls.

It's 2021.

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

24. August

I am so scared that history repeats. The last few weeks were awesome and I was so happy we finally were friends again. I don't want this kiss to change that, it doesn't mean anything to you and it's okay. I'm not expecting anything from you, we could just continue what we did the last weeks. And now you seem so distant and i am so panicking. I am really wondering if you even want me in your life. Are you going to throw me out of it after you got what you wanted? That really scares the hell out of me. Please tell me the opposite, tell me it will be alright.

#aw #please #please don't let this end #i still want you in my life #i am going crazy #i don't know what to do #what the hell #you are everything to me

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

13. August 2018

I knew it will happen again. I knew you're going to kiss me. My past-self would freak out of happiness. I really enjoyed making out with you, I am just scared that this is going to ruin our friendship. I don't wanna lose what we had. Please don't let it end.

#aw #kissed you again #friendship #i don't wanna lose this #confused

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

24. July 2018

I can't believe how much has changed. Beeing far away from you helped me to get over it and I just gave us one last chance. I wasn't expecting it to work but the moment we met again felt like no time has passed. Like nothing bad ever happened. I'm happy and thankful. I'm free.

#aw #everything is fine #betterthaniexpected #please don't let this end #thisiswhatiwanted #dream #happyasfuck

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

12. May 2018

I am crying, I wanna text you so bad and you don't even think about me. I am dying to meet you and you don't care about me. My heart is broken and all I want is to have you back in my life. I can't breathe, I need you. I saw another girl in your arms and it's tearing me apart. That day was supposed to be our day, don't you remember? How is it possible that you're okay? I don't affect your life, I'm not important enough. It's killing me.

#aw #i don't understand why this feeling won't go away #i don't know what to do #i miss you #it hurts #you're destroying me #i am dying #depression #broken #disappointed #heartbreak #down #please #personal #crying #help me #recovery #sad #you #destroyed #i love you

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

9. May 2018

I don't know if I can take it much longer. It's destroying me, it's tearing me apart. Everytime I feel better, I break down again. I am desperately craving to talk to you. It feels like drowning and the thought of spending the rest of my life wondering where you are and how you're doing is killing me everytime. Don't let it end this way.. You saved my life and I can't lose someone as special as you. I can't. I just can't..

#aw #drowning #desperate #crying #missing you #come back #please don't give up on us #talk to me #pleeeeeaaase #i need you #i am really in love with you #what did i do to deserve this? #you made my happy #you fucking saved my life #do you even care? #help #healing #recovery #broken #heartbreak #hurt #did you forget about me? #lovesick #break up #why? #its been 3 months now #i wanna kiss you #suffering #down #i love you

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

29. April 2018

I don't even know what to think, I'm just so confused. You asked me if we wanna go swimming and than you didn't reply. I'm so sick of finding excuses for your behaviour. It's been a week since we talked about this, you know I just wanna be friends, there simply is no need to avoid me. So please don't.

#aw #i miss you #why? #impossible friendship #in love #please don't do this to me #please text me #talk to me #i wanna see you #i wanna kiss you again #torn #not over it..

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

25. April 2018

We've met a few days ago. I am still surprised that you texted me but it felt really good to talk to you. Things changed, I know but it's not as different as I was afraid it would be. Talking to you isn't awkward after all. I really believe we're able to keep up a great friendship and I'm so happy that we'll try it. I would miss your way of thinking too much.

#aw #friendship #crush #in love #happy #personal #life #recovery #you #cute

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

14. April 2018

I have never loved myself so much as I'm doing right now. My heart is broken and it's okay that it hurts. I know it takes some time to heal but that doesn't depend on you. Yes, you saved my life last year. But in the end I can only save myself. And I will.

#aw #love #self love #positivity #positive #positive mental attitude #crush #i miss you #depression #disappointed #broken heart #recovery #loving myself #life

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

4. April 2018

I texted you today. I couldn't wait anymore, I desperately wanted to be in contact with you, to read the words you only wrote for me. I needed to change the situation, I was longing to have you back in my life. And after I was told that you feel sad about this current situation, I thought it could help the both of us. But why the hell did you react like you did? I can tell by your messages that you're not happy about it. Considering the fact that you wanted to be friends, I wasn't expecting that. It hurts that it's so different now and I just realized that I haven't got even a little bit better. I cried 5 hours this night because I can't bear to live without you. We haven't seen each other in 8 weeks, I miss being a part of your live. I wanna be that girl that knows you best. I wanna be the one you're gonna call first if something happens. I would never ever judge you for any single thing you do or feel.

You broke my heart when you said that you're done with me. And I never thought a heart could be broken when it's already shreadded to powder.

#crush #love #i miss you #depression #depressive #unrequited love #broken #disappointed #down #heartbreak #relationship #hurt #personal #aw #crying #gone #help me #i love you #recovery #thoughts #destroyed #feelings #forget #hope #i don't know what to do #i hate this #late night thoughts #lovesick #realization #rejection

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

19. March 2018

It’s not getting any better. I’m just waiting for my feelings to go away but they don’t. Everyday seems so meaningless and even though there are things I enjoy, it’s nothing compared to us. Every kind of happiness seems so fake, because I remember how it felt to be with you.

#aw #i love you #i miss you #i hope you miss me too #i don't understand why this feeling won't go away #but to be honest... #i've never been that happy in my life before #5 1/2 weeks..

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

16. March 2018

It's been exactly two months now. I asked you to kiss me and we both knew it was my first kiss, our first kiss. It's one of the most important memories I will ever make and since that day I wouldn't change a single thing. Today, everything is different. I am sad, overwhelmed and I miss you.

#aw #i miss you so much #i wanna kiss you again #don't hate me

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

15. March 2018

You're here. The whole damn time. I simply can't get you out of my mind. I don't even need to wake up to think about you, because you're there. I haven't seen you in 34 days and I'm still longing for your kiss. I need to talk to you and I need to see you. I know you're just a message away and I know you want me to contact you but I can't. I'm not ready even though I wish I were.

#AW #i still love you

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

3. March 2018

I dreamed about you, about you and me. We were at places I wanted to show you for a really long time. I was holding your hand, I kissed your lips.. No matter what I’m doing, my thoughts always go back to you and it’s destroying me. I want this dream to become reality, I want to talk to you, look into your eyes, hug you tighter that ever before. I just miss you so much. You can’t imagine how much I hate myself. I want to be a part of your life but I’ll never be good enough.

#heartbreak #sad #dreams #destroyed #come baaaaaaack #i absolutely love you #do you even care? #overdosed #i hate myself #six months #aw

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

27. February 2018

Today was the first time you weren’t my first thought as I woke up.

#aw

[im-trying-to-forget-you]

26. February 2018

I woke up feeling really bad. I still can’t stop thinking about you, about our time. When I realize that everything I dream about really happened, that you were my first kiss, that we were actually something like a couple, I just can’t help but smile. It’s crazy.

#aw