#<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

withlovewriting · 4 months

Text

All I Ever Knew, Only You 9: When The Party's Over

Chapter Nine.

I wanna feel something, I wanna feel something, I drink to feel something, I sleep and feel nothing, Maybe that's where you come in, Maybe that's where you and I begin

Summary: Hawkins was your typical quaint, mid-western town where nothing ever happened. People were born here, lived their entire lives within the town limits, and eventually died here, peacefully in their sleep. But one cold November evening in 1983 would change everything.

Despite a child with psychokinetic abilities and ravenous monsters that lacked faces, stranger things had definitely happened in the small town in Indiana. One of them being your reluctant and slightly imposed friendship with Hawkins High’s own King Bee, Steve Harrington.

Characters: Steve Harrington x Non-descriptive F!Reader (eventual)

Words: 5,839

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of menstruation (not really a warning, but here you go), mild Nancy slander, Billy Hargrove getting a little too comfortable, derogatory name calling, strong language, mentions of scars, and insecurities regarding them, heartbroken Steve, reader is wasted, but more bonding.

Season's greetings, babes.

Series Warnings: Strong language, mentions of underage drinking, mentions of drug use, canon-typical violence, mentions of alcohol abuse, mentions of possible mental health disorders, child abuse, slow burn, kinda enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, I like to call it ‘two idiots who begrudgingly befriend each other only to realize… ‘wait a damn minute…’, eventual sexual content, no use of y/n, canon-typical time-period bullshit. 18+. Minors DNI.

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

Chapter Nine: When The Party's Over

The exhaustion had finally got to you. That was the only plausible reason you had for entertaining Billy Hargrove for so long without swinging at his annoyingly pretty face.

You’d only approached him that morning to speak to Max as she exited his Camaro, but the boy had leered at you over the roof of the car the entire time as he puffed away on a cigarette. Unfortunately, he seemed to take that as an invitation to pester you for the rest of the day.

“I don’t have time for this right now, Hargrove.”

The sound of his boots hitting the linoleum flooring told you he wasn’t giving up any time soon, “It’s cool, I can walk and talk. I ain’t got nowhere to be.”

“I’m pretty sure you have a class to be in, actually,” you rolled your eyes, continuing your march to your destination.

“You know my schedule already? How sweet. But look, it’ll be my first party here in Hawkins, you gotta make it.”

Scoffing, you pushed onward toward the library. Somewhere you weren’t sure Billy knew existed, “I haven’t gotta do anything. Plus, Hawkins' parties are all lame. I wouldn’t hold your breath for this one to be different.”

“It’ll be a whole lot less lame with me there, sweetheart,” Billy was on your heels, practically trying to mount your back as you finally pushed through the doors, halting a little too quickly as the door hit the wall, which caused the boy to bump into your back as all eyes cast over you as he laid an arm over your shoulder, “Who knows, you might even crack a smile.”

Spinning on your heel and effectively removing yourself from the boy’s grip, you pushed at Billy’s chest — frown deepening when he barely moved an inch — and huffed, “I’m not in the mood, Hargrove. So leave me alone.”

Stomping off, your fingers dug into your bag as you held it against your chest as if it would magically stave off the unwanted attention from the surrounding students. Especially the attention of the boy with the coffee-colored eyes that you could feel boring into you from the moment you barreled into the room.

You hadn’t been actively avoiding Steve, per se. But with the embarrassment you felt last night still running hot under your skin, you didn’t have the willpower to be around him. You’d felt disconcertingly vulnerable under his unwavering gaze last night, and deep down, a part of you still expected to find him in the cafeteria with his old posse of jerks giggling at your expense.

Sure, he hadn’t bothered with Tommy or Carol since last year so your paranoia seemed unjust, but you knew old habits died hard.

“It’s not my fault you’re on the rag or something,” Billy shouted crudely across the library, clearly not trying to be subtle or considerate, before turning on his heels and making his way toward whoever his next victim was, ignoring the annoyed hissed whispers of the librarian.

You’d kept your head down throughout your free period and you could only be grateful that both Nancy and Steve had kept their distance. You had a history project to finish, and truth be told you hadn’t even started yet, and the distraction of Romeo and Juliet wouldn’t be much appreciated.

Once you were settled, you swiftly made your way across the room and toward the small supply office to browse through the encyclopedias, however you skidded to a stop when you pushed open the door only to come face-to-face with the boy you were absolutely not avoiding on purpose, and his girlfriend.

“Jesus, is nowhere in this school sacred to you two? Can’t you just go make out in the back of Harrington’s car like normal teenagers?”

The boy rolled his eyes at you as Nancy stepped out of his grasp, “I think we should tell Barb’s parents-”

With wide eyes, you scrambled into the room and shut the door behind you, already shaking your head, “Are you insane? We can’t tell Barb’s parents. We can’t tell anyone.”

“You were there, you saw what it’s doing to them.” Nancy was clearly in distress and although your heart went out to her parents, you couldn’t even begin to imagine the repercussions you’d all face if you were to open your mouths.

“I get it, Nance. Really, I do. But we can’t tell them anything. God knows what the Lab would do. What the government would do. The Byers and I would have to pay back the hospital fees and-”

“This isn’t about the money,” Nancy huffed, her head shaking as you stared at you with indignation, but you cut her off quickly,

“That’s because you grew up with a silver spoon shoved in your ass, Wheeler. Do you know what it would do to Mrs. Byers? To Will and Jonathan? To me? When you don’t have money, it factors into everything.”

Nancy was on the verge of tears, but you could flip a coin for which one of you was on the verge of hysteria, “We don’t have to tell them everything.”

This time, Steve spoke up, making his way to stand in between you both, “This isn’t some game, Nance. If they found out we told anyone… They could put us in jail, okay? Or worse, they could destroy our families. They could do anything they want, okay? Just think about what you’re saying.”

As Nancy’s bottom lip wobbled, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. But she knew — just as well as both yourself and Steve did — that she couldn’t tell a soul.

“It’s hard, but let’s…” Steve perched himself back on the table, a hand soothingly running up and down Nancy’s arm, “let's just go to Tina’s stupid party, wear our stupid costumes that we’ve been working on for a stupid amount of time, and just pretend like we’re stupid teenagers, okay? Can we just do that, just for tonight?”

Despite Steve’s attempt, Nancy didn’t seem pacified. In fact, she seemed dejected as she agreed to his plan before making her way out of the small room, not bothering to send you a second glance.

Releasing a deep sigh, the boy stood and ran a hand through his hair, leaning against one of the bookshelves as your shoulders sagged, “She’s going to get us all killed.”

“Don’t say that, alright? She’s just… She’s hurting.”

Clenching your jaw, you shook your head at the boy as you looked off to the side. Noting his thoughtlessness, he squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, “Not to say that you’re not too. But Nance just…”

“She feels guilty, Harrington. She feels guilty because she left Barb that night to shack up with you,” lifting a hand, you stopped him from interrupting you, “I’m not blaming her. Like, at all. Okay? I shouldn’t have left, and Nancy shouldn’t have let her leave. But we did, and telling her parents, putting everyone’s life at risk, isn’t going to change that.”

Steve remained quiet, but his eyes softened, and you knew he had to bite back whatever reassurance was sitting on the tip of his tongue. You didn’t want it, and you didn’t need it. It would only fall on deaf ears, anyway.

Instead, Steve’s head fell backward, a quiet thump that barely shook the rickety bookcase behind him.

“I think the party would do you some good, too. The new guy seems pretty insistent that you’re there.”

Scoffing, you moved toward the boy, leaning up to grab at the first encyclopedia your fingers grazed, unbothered by the letter. You watched as Steve’s Adam's apple bobbed, his eyes remained focused on you until you turned, strolling out of the small room, throwing the encyclopedia into your bag before making a hasty exit. The list of people you definitely weren’t purposely avoiding was growing by the minute.

“Hop, hey Hopper!” You called out, chasing down the man as he marched out of the station.

He stopped in front of his car, waiting as you pulled up on your bike, sans helmet. Again.

“Can this wait, Kid? I’m in a hurry-”

“I just… I wanted to double-check about the trick-or-treating thing tonight. I can make sure-”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” Jim asked, peering down at his watch.

Chewing your lip for a second, you cleared your throat, “I have a free period.”

Cocking a brow, Hopper watched you silently for just a moment, “So if I called the school, they’d confirm that, right?”

“Confidential, I’m afraid. You’re not my parent or guardian so…” You sent him a haughty smirk, relishing the way his face pinched slightly.

“I’m the damn Chief of police, Kid. I can-”

“Trick-or-treating. Yes, or no.”

“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. No, and that’s final.”

Rolling your eyes, you pushed forward on your bike slightly and lowered your voice, “C’mon, Hop. You can’t treat her like a prisoner of war. You know what happens when you cage a dog?”

“The hell are you talking-”

“They start to bite. And when they finally get out, they start to run.”

Hopper lifted his hat to run a hand over his hair, a long, irritated sigh falling from his lips, and you knew he’d had this argument a million and one times with El, “I said no. End of. Now get back to school.”

“The hell is that smell?” you questioned, nose scrunched up as you tried to breathe through your mouth instead.

Pulling back the cover of Eugene McCorkle’s truck, you found yourself gagging as the awful, pungent smell of decay finally filled your nostrils, “That is why I’m in a hurry. Now if that’s all, I gotta go. And put a damn helmet on.”

Jonathan Byers didn’t cancel on you. In fact, he even offered to pick you up after finally deciding to allow his brother to trick-or-treat alone with his friends.

“She’s evil, I swear.” You told him as you searched through your mother’s chest of drawers, thankful she was out.

“She’s like… ten.” Jonathan laughed, leaning on the door frame, politely refusing to enter your mother’s bedroom.

Rolling your eyes, you continued to dig, “She’s actually nine, but still… Evil. We hit Cherry Street, and she managed to bully Mr. Benson into giving her three full-sized Butterfingers bars.”

Despite not seeing the boy's face, you could almost hear the amused smirk in his tone, “Oh, wow. I better call The Hawkins Post, let them know there’s a new Stalin about town.”

“Shut it, Byers.” Snatching up the yellow button-up shirt that you knew was hidden somewhere with a devilish smirk, you pushed yourself upright and almost skipped back to your room, the door shutting in Jonathan’s face before you began to change.

“You know, you don’t have to dress up, right?”

Jonathan didn’t hear your mumbled response as you pulled your black vest over your head, but a small huff of laughter fell from his lips when you finally opened the door, “Black Christmas?”

“You know that we still have time to ask Bob if you can borrow his Dracula costume, right?”

House keys half-shoved into your back pocket, you clambered into Jonathan’s Ford, already rummaging through his glove compartment to find whichever tape picked your fancy. The boy waited until you settled on a familiar yellow and black cassette.

Waiting until he pulled out of his driveway, and the second verse of Burning Down The House transitioned into the chorus, Jonathan — who had most definitely not asked Bob for his costume — finally asked the question that he had been swallowing down since his arrival at your house,

“Are you okay?”

His troubled glance burned a hole in the side of your face, but you refused to meet his eyes, “I’m fine, Jonathan.”

“This just… doesn’t seem your kind of thing.”

“And what, it’s yours?” You didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, “Didn’t realize you were such a social butterfly, Byers.”

Sighing, Jonathan’s fingers tapped at the distressed steering wheel as he returned his gaze to the road, “I don’t know why the hell either of us are going. I mean, we’re going to hate at least 90% of the people there, right?”

Unable to hide the stretch of a smile from your lips, you finally chanced a look at the boy, grateful that his eyes remained focused on the road out ahead of him, “90%? Have you made friends that aren’t me?”

The boy shook his head, a small smile tugging at his own mouth as you grabbed the orange paper invitation that was sat on his dash, “And we’re going because we’re gonna be stupid teenagers, doing stupid things, at a stupid Halloween party. Plus, we’re gonna get sheet-faced, Byers.”

The party was in full swing by the time you’d arrived, and since you’d promised Jonathan that you’d be ready to leave by 9pm to pick up Will, you didn’t plan on wasting one second of your time.

Tina’s family home sat on Oak and First, and much like Steve Harrington’s house, it was huge and surrounded by the woods. Whilst it was great to know the chances of any neighbors calling the cops were minimal, one glance at the vast, dark treeline set you off enough to refill your cup. You didn’t know how much you’d had to drink, nor did you have any idea as to what was in the punch, bar Drew practically burping in your face that it was pure fuel. All you knew was that it tasted like grape juice. Grape juice with a lot of Tina’s parent's expensive vodka.

Turns out, Nancy was also on a mission to get absolutely wasted.

A loud cheer came from outside, and the chants of the new boy’s name could be heard even over the shredding of guitars of Motley Crew. You weren’t sure who had jacked Tina’s record player, but you were at least grateful that it was a break from back-to-back Madonna.

Ignoring the way Billy stared at you as he passed, making his way toward Steve and no doubt attempting to start trouble, you wobbled toward Jonathan, a drink in each hand.

“Oh shit, Siouxsie Sioux, right?”

The girl, Samantha — with whom you shared art class together — nodded, sending an amused, but tight smile, “Yeah. What are you?”

“Drunk,” Jonathan’s voice was loud next to you, “She’s drunk.”

Rolling your eyes, you purposely gulped down a large mouthful from your solo cup as you offered the other to Jonathan, “And you are sober. Time to catch up, Byers.”

“I’m driving,” shaking his head, Jonathan’s eyes darted around the party, and even in your drunken stupor, you knew who he was looking for.

So instead, you shrugged and took a sip from his cup, “Sucks to be you. Have a good night, Siouxsie.”

Stumbling around the party like Bambi on ice, you almost dropped both of your cups as Drew pushed past, his once rosy, alcohol-flushed cheeks now appeared to be tinged with the slightest shade of green as he rushed out toward the garden,

“Hey, Dipshit!” You halfheartedly yelled after him, eyebrows drawn together as you tried to decipher which one of the two Drews you were currently seeing was the real one, “Watch where you’re going!”

“Jesus, how much have you had to drink?”

Face still pinched, you turned to face the familiar voice, barely holding back the sigh that threatened to fall from you lips, “Oh God, it’s you.”

“Charming,” the boy scoffed, eyes darting around the room to find his girlfriend — who was merrily dancing away, her own drink high above her head — before he returned his attention to you, “Seriously though, you good?”

“I am great.”

Steve was certain it was the first time he’d ever heard you giggle.

Watching you like a hawk, Steve grabbed hold of the half-full red solo cup just before it met your lips, “I think you should slow down a little.”

“I think you should mind your own business, Steven.”

Finally managing to wrangle the cup from your grasp — which really wasn’t that hard considering your state — he placed it on the side, allowing his eyes to dart toward his girlfriend once more, “Is this about the other night? About the nightmares? Because I swear I didn’t-.”

“So you decided to show,” Billy’s smirk was wide, his eyes leering over you despite your outfit being pretty conservative, “You wanna try out the keg? You’re looking at the new King of Hawkins High.”

Your face remained stoic, unsure as to why Billy thought that would impress you, “I’m fine, thanks.”

“You wanna dance then?”

Nodding, you pointed at Billy, “Now that… That is something I wanna do.”

Steve watched as you took a large gulp from the cup he hadn’t seen, allowing Billy to begin to lead you toward the crowd. He called your name once, twice, three times, before you stopped, turning to watch him approach you with concern etched over his features, “C’mon, this isn’t like you.”

Sending the boy a sardonic smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes, you peeled his gentle grip from your elbow, “That’s the thing, Steve. You don’t know me. You don’t know me, at all.”

Even as you turned to walk away again, Steve called after you, his voice full of hurt, but Billy was the one to intervene this time, a condescending smirk tugging at his lips, “You heard the girl, Harrington. Go find your girlfriend.”

Lips pressed tightly together, Steve huffed and decided that if you didn’t want his help, he would in fact go find his girlfriend. Turns out, it wasn’t exactly hard as Nancy was standing by the punch bowl, helping herself to another drink.

The party was fun for a while, you wouldn’t bother to deny that, but it was only so long that you could handle feeling so out of control. The room was spinning, and you couldn’t tell if things were moving too slowly, or a little too fast, and you felt like you didn’t know up from down. The only grounding force you had was the chest pressed against your back as Billy held you against him, hips gyrating a little too promiscuously, not that you were in any state to notice.

The smell of sweat, smoke, and aftershave that was just a little too strong for your liking hit your nostrils before the pungent, overwhelming smell of alcohol covered it, “So who’d you come as?”

“Jess Bradford,” you mumbled, eyes closed and head resting against the boy as you swayed clumsily to Duran Duran, scoffing loudly when Billy questioned who that was, “You know, from Black Christmas? 'The calls are coming from the house.'”

“Why the hell are you dressed as someone from a Christmas film?”

Out of all the times you’d wanted to slap Billy, this might’ve been the one time you would’ve, had your hand-eye coordination been any good.

“I thought you might’ve come as something a little sexier, you know?” Billy’s lips grazed the side of your neck, the hairs from his mustache tickling you in the worst of ways, “Maybe a little pussycat, or a-”

“Why would a cat be sexy?” You slurred, body no longer moving to the music as you tried to clear your bleary vision, completely unaware of the argument that was going on back in the kitchen, “God, you’re so weird-”

The words died from your mouth as your whole body stood still in shock, one hand clutched against Billy’s wandering one as it grazed over your abdomen, hand shoved between your vest and your shirt. Pushing his hand away, you tried to create some kind of distance, but the boy wouldn’t allow for it, turning you in his grip instead,

“Hey, c’mon, don’t be like that.”

“I’m not being like anything, just get off of me. I wanna go home,” when the boy moved closer, a haughty smirk pulling at his lips, you shoved your hand limply to his chest as if to move him back, “Alone. I wanna go home alone.”

His smirk dropped instantly, eyes narrowing as he looked over you, “The hell is wrong with you? One minute you’re all over me, the next you’re acting like a total prude.”

“I wasn’t-” slurring, you wobbled slightly where you stood, expression pinched, “I wasn’t all over you. You… You were all over me.”

“Last I heard, a little bit of alcohol and you turn into the county slut-”

His words stopped abruptly as your hand connected with his cheek. Even though you were wasted and your arms felt like cooked spaghetti, the darkening in both his cheek and his eyes told you it had at least hurt a little,

“You wanna go home, then fine. Go. Nobody here gives a shit.”

Refusing to allow your bottom lip to wobble until you were outside and far enough away, you stumbled out of Tina’s house, refusing to make eye contact with any of the passersby. However much of a dick he was, Billy was right.

Nobody in that party cared. Jonathan was here for one reason, and whilst you couldn’t blame him, you knew you were just along for the ride. The only friend — the only true friend — you’d had, had been dragged into the pits of Hell by some monster. The same monster who’d left a permanent reminder on your body in the form of three large, ugly scars along your abdomen. The same scars that Billy had — albeit, unwittingly — ran his hand over as he tried to feel you up.

Making your way to the end of Tina’s drive, you plopped yourself down on the curb, cursing yourself as you rummaged around in your pockets for a cigarette, only to come up empty-handed.

The first tear fell, but you wiped it away almost viciously, refusing to allow any more to fall. But you were drunk and tired — both emotionally and physically — and you just wanted this night to be over. This year to be over.

A pair of white Nike trainers came into view, stopping directly in front of you and causing you to crane your neck.

There, with bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks, stood Steve Harrington, his large hand held out in front of him, waiting to assist you up, “C’mon, I’ll drive you home.”

You both remained silent for the most part, your eyes drooping every so often, before shooting open when your head would bump the window, a quiet murmur of ‘sorry’ from the boy next to you.

Groaning, you forced your eyes shut, the image of the passing trees making you feel nauseous, “You’re not gonna hurl, are you?”

“No,” you hiccuped, swallowing down the excessive saliva that was building up in your mouth, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” the boy said quietly, eyes darting toward you as you curled in on yourself, sending him a half-assed glare.

“Yeah, well… Neither do you.”

A short, humorless laugh fell from his lips before he wiped at his nose, pinching the tip of it, “Yeah well, not everyone had as good of a night as you, I guess.”

“I don’t think having Billy Hargrove grinding against me is my definition of a good night.” Sighing, you ran your hand over your face, ignorant of any makeup you had probably smudged.

“Sure looked like you enjoyed it,” Steve’s eyes darted toward you, squeezing his eyes together for just a second, “I’m sorry. That was… Look, it’s none of my business, alright?”

Folding your arms over your chest, you leaned your head against the window, “You’re right. It’s not.”

Pulling up to your house, you noted your mother’s car gone from the small driveway, and you were willing to thank whatever higher power was out there until you stood patting your dark pants in an attempt to find your keys,

Thankfully, Steve was waiting until you were safely inside the house to pull away, but when you came up empty-handed he sighed and quickly exited his car, following you as you fumbled with the front room window, eventually turning your attention to the overgrown garden, “Just… Just get back in the car.”

“I’m sure I can get in through at least one window-”

Steve’s eyes widened, grabbing hold of your wrist as you lifted your arm, ready to throw a large rock you’d found straight through your bedroom window. Drunken logic, he assumed,

“Look, we don’t need to add breaking and entering to your charge sheet. Just… get back in the car. You can stay at mine.”

“It wouldn’t be breaking and entering if I’m breaking and entering my own property, dumbass,” you scoffed but allowed him to gently pull you toward his car once more, stumbling over your Converse.

Within the blink of an eye — or maybe you’d just had a five-minute nap — you were pulling up to Steve’s familiar house, the bright red door almost taunting you at the one memory you had of this place, and the stark reminder that things would never be the same again.

“My folks are home, so you’ve gotta be quiet, alright?”

Steve cringed as you slammed his car door accidentally, eyes widened as you turned to him, “…Sorry.”

After assessing the top floor windows, thanking his lucky stars that his parents seemingly remained fast asleep, he helped you into the house and up the stairs.

Delicately closing his bedroom door, Steve finally turned to you, rolling his eyes as you fell face first onto his bed, before making his way toward his chest of drawers and pulling out an old shirt, “Here, you can wear this if you want.”

Your head popped up, face pinched in disgust, “When did you last wash your sheets?”

Steve was certain that by this point, he’d seen the back of his eye sockets a million times, “Calm down, they’re clean. Just… change into that, and I’ll be back.”

Eventually pulling yourself upright, you managed to wrestle yourself out of the black vest as you grumbled to yourself the entire time before flopping back down onto the bed, unable to care that sleeping in your slim-fit yellow button-up shirt would be mildly uncomfortable at best. When Steve finally made his way back to the room — a gentle, wary knock before he reentered — he found you tucked under the navy blue comforter, his spare shirt still on the edge of the bed where he’d left it. Steve placed the cold glass of water down on the bedside table, along with the bottle of aspirin he’d brought up. Placing his hands on his hips, Steve let out a long sigh as he looked around his room, unsure of what to do.

It had been a long night, and despite Steve wanting to go to bed, he was somewhat grateful for the distraction you’d given him. He’d been warned a long time ago when he was much smaller, that crying was a weakness, even in the privacy of his own bedroom.

“Steve,” your voice was barely above a whisper, but it made him jump a little anyway, “I’m sorry I was a total bitch earlier.”

A small huff of laughter fell from his lips as he grabbed a pillow from his bed, throwing it to the floor before making his way to the cupboard, grabbing his summer comforter, “After the night I’ve had, it’s nothing.”

Flicking off the light switch and making sure his bedroom door was locked, Steve finally made himself comfortable on the floor beside the bed, his foot knocking against his desk every so often as he shuffled in an attempt to get comfortable. Releasing a sigh, Steve rolled back onto his back, gazing at the moon outside his bedroom window.

He used to have everything.

The popularity, the friends, even the girl. And now, everything was in turmoil, ripped out like a rug from under his feet, and Steve felt like he was forever falling. He was stupid to think that tonight could’ve been the night he finally felt normal again.

Rolling onto your stomach, you peered down at the boy in silence, watching as he became lost in his own thoughts. Despite the remainder of his previous summer's sunkissed skin, the moonlight washed him out, betraying the dark circles that nestled under his red-rimmed eyes. Eyes that appeared much darker.

You wouldn’t pretend that you knew Steve well. In fact, most of the things you knew about Steve could be counted on one hand. One thing you were learning, however, was that when Steve was upset, he’d become pensive. Quiet. Un-Steve like. Watching him like that — in an almost silent trance as his eyes grew dull, losing focus — tugged at your heartstrings in a way you didn’t appreciate.

“Why are you sad?”

Blinking a few times, Steve managed to pull himself out of the never-ending spiral that long, quiet nights alone seemed to inevitably end in, his eyes instead turning toward you as his brows pushed together, “I’m not sad.”

“Tell that to your face,” you didn’t have it in you to roll your eyes, instead remaining laser-focused on the boy, “because you look like a kicked puppy.”

Steve, however, did roll his eyes. Releasing a sigh, he crossed his arms over his chest, wriggling a little to get comfortable, “I’m not sad, I’m just… It's been a long night.”

A long year.

His tone was final, evident that he didn’t intend to divulge you any further into his problems, so you remained silent, still peering at him over the edge of his bed. Eventually, the pinch between his brows settled, eyes gazing back toward you, “Why were you crying?”

“I wasn’t crying,” you grumbled, burrowing yourself into the soft comforter, “I just… Also had a long night.”

“Hargrove?”

Your silence, only interrupted by a long, deep sigh, told the boy that he was correct.

“He’s an asshole.”

A short silence, followed by a slight sniffle and a defeated ‘yeah’ caused the boy to furrow his brow, hand slowly moving toward where yours hung off the bed slightly, fingers grazing your wrist as he tapped it to get your attention back, “He didn’t try anything, did he?”

Your glossy eyes refused to meet his, focusing on the moon that looked like it was about to roll right across the sky, “It’s Hargrove, he’s always trying something.”

Watching as you gnawed your bottom lip, knowing it would be sore by the morning, Steve waited patiently as you tried to rearrange your thoughts.

If you hadn’t drunk so much, you probably wouldn’t have entertained his curiosity, and Steve knew if Nancy hadn’t ripped out his heart in Tina’s bathroom, he wouldn’t have grasped at someone else’ tribulations, needing to do anything to keep his mind from imploding in on itself with questions he didn’t have the answers to.

“Last year,” your voice was as quiet as a mouse. Trepidation and dubiety wound tight on your tongue, burning like acid as you dug through the memories you’d been trying so hard to repress the past 11 months, “when that thing attacked me… Well, let's just say it left a pretty gnarly scar.”

Remaining silent, Steve watched as your throat bobbed, taking in your words even if they were still slightly slurred. Steve had a scar on his left knee from falling off his bike when he was younger, the thin, white line had become nothing more than a passing thought throughout the years, but now, watching your chin wobble slightly as you tried to find the words, it felt like the most important information he had.

“I just… Billy grazed over it, you know? He doesn't even know it's there, but… I see it every morning, and it makes me… It makes me sick. And then I realize that I’m so lucky that all that monster did was leave a scar because, for all we know, it ripped Barb apart. But I… I just hate it, and I hate that fucking Demogorgon, and I hate that I will forever have that reminder on my body. ”

Wiping your eyes with the comforter, you shook your head, “I’m sorry. It’s so fucking stupid.”

“When I was seven, my Dad tried to teach me how to ride a bike,” his words were enough to pull you from your downfall, tear-filled eyes finally connecting with his, “he gave up pretty quickly, didn’t like it when I wasn’t automatically good at something. Every afternoon after school, for like, a whole week, I’d force myself back out on that bike. I knew I had to learn because I had to prove my Dad wrong.”

Your eyes remained on him, feeling comfort from his warm, soft gaze, even if his sudden switch in conversation had thrown you through a loop, “What happened?”

“I fell off, busted my knee on the driveway. Got a pretty badass scar myself-”

“-Harrington-”

“-But, I kept going. Picked myself up, dusted myself off, and carried on. And then one afternoon, I just… I did it. Pushed off and sailed down the street.”

Sniffling a little, you watched him with a furrowed brow, “Does this story have a point, or are you just trying to send me to sleep?”

The shadow of a smirk tugged at the side of his lips, but he did his best to repress it, “What I’m trying to say is… Actually, I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. But I do know that your scar, it might be a reminder of all the shit that went down last year, but it also shows that you survived it, came out the other end, you know? And you shouldn’t… You shouldn’t care about what anything thinks about it, especially not Hargrove.”

Blinking away the tears that had settled along your lash line, you remained silent as you watched the boy watching you. Never in your wildest dreams would you expect Steve Harrington — Hawkins's own knockoff version of Tom Cruise, if you asked him at least — to be the one to comfort you over a deep-rooted insecurity. You’d heard the ways his gaggle of friends would loudly mock other students — yourself included on occasion — everything from their hair to their music taste, the acne on their forehead to the braces that lined their teeth. Like sharks, they were able to smell insecurity from 3 miles away and didn’t hesitate to go in for the kill.

But from your position on the comfortable bed, peering down at the boy who somehow looked much younger and much older all at the same time, you realized that the Steve Harrington you thought you knew was slowly but surely evolving. A caterpillar that had entered the first stage of metamorphosis. And only time would tell if he came out a moth or a butterfly.

#steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x reader #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington x you #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #steve harrington fic #steve harrington smut

61 notes · View notes

verystrxxwberry · 1 day

Note

Hi, Alex! How is your day going? I was here to do a request about MCL high school life (completely sfw, so it is safe!) about the routes dealing with a reader who is stressed because they overwork in school and still doubt that will never achieve the dream of going to university?

It's just I am pretty stressed with the thought of not being able to go to university, because even if I overwork a lot, I don't get the perfect grades that I would like :(. Anyway, thank you so much! Love your writing<33

MY CANDY LOVE HSL; When you are stressed about school.

♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: fluff, MCL HSL routes, comfort. ↝ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Greetings! I am doing quite good, thanks for asking. Regarding your issue, I understand you a lot, because my last year before entering university also was like that. I don't know how your country's education system will work, but whatever it is, university is not the only path in life. There are many people who have moved on without a career or something; and above all prioritize your own health! I understand that you want to get good grades, but if you overwork yourself you will only block your brain and not allow it to function well because it will be exhausted since it has no rest. Good luck, and take life easy, it's only one life you have and you have to enjoy it!

♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•.

CASTIEL

He didn’t start caring about his grades until he saw that he failed almost every subject during the first months of classes. Sigh… he can’t let that happen.

Initially, there was a contrast between you and him. He was the stereotypical rebellious kid who didn't care about classes, and you were that student who was always keeping up with the class. Castiel is aware of how much effort you put into studying. Many times he would tell you to come to his house to spend time with him, and he would let you study on his desk for a while without any problem. Of course, he is strict about breaks and insisting that you give your little head a rest.

He will even quietly kiss your head spontaneously as you are focused on studying, to cheer you up however he can.

Castiel feels confusion when he sees that a grade matters so much to you to the point of breaking down over it. He doesn't blame you, but considers that you don't deserve so much pressure regarding grades. As he looks you in the eyes and pulls your hair out of your face, he would say "Come on, life doesn't end because of a grade. You're human, not a machine; although sometimes machines fail too. But so what? We can't be good at everything. Ask for help, don't give up." You can feel his hand cupping your chin to make you look at him. And you can see the worry and affection on his eyes.

He's concerned about how this issue affects your mental health. After every test you take, he would take you somewhere for a date so you don't get over stressed. A break for your own good never hurts.

In Castiel's opinion, college is overrated; but he knows you are capable. More than once he will have had deep conversations with you about "You're already too hard on yourself, don't drown yourself in an abyss of negativity before you start something you want."

Even if you didn't go to college, that wouldn't make you any less human. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Castiel would support you no matter what your decision, though he'd rather you take things more lightly. He doesn't like to see you stop enjoying your actuality because of the stress of school.

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel's strict prioritization of his studies was mainly because of his father, but Nath had inner desires that went against the stereotype that he was.

During class he already noticed that you felt some frustration when you received your test grade. His hand rested on your forearm and he looked at you with concern. "Hey, what's wrong?"

When you explain your disappointment in reference to your exam grade, he sighs and shakes his head. "Get that thought out of your head, dear.... No grade is perfect and everyone has their strengths and weaknesses." He strokes your back gently, in order to comfort your state of mind.

If you're struggling with something, he has no problem helping you to understand it. He makes dates to study with you in a cafe <3 (he would end up inviting you to dinner or a drink in the cafe itself). And never feel ashamed of failing! Everyone does and there are always opportunities to improve. If there aren't, then life goes on; don't get stuck in the past.

Whatever grade you have, it will be something Nathaniel will congratulate you on. What matters is that you tried!

Nathaniel knows that having a good healthy schedule for your homework and study management will be what helps you get to college. He supports you, as long as you don't break your boundaries. Don't set expectations, don't compare yourself, just do what you can without pushing your limits and you can get to where you want to be.

Another thing Nath would also do is to talk to the teachers so that they can help you in those subjects that are more difficult for you, and he could accompany you if you wanted. Anyway, he does it for your sake and seeing that you also put dedication makes him feel happy and proud. At the end of each day, before you each leave for home, he would give you a little kiss on the forehead and say "Good job today."

LYSANDER

Lysander takes everything calmly, even studies. During classes he takes light notes, but generally listens to the teachers. Not ironically, his memory does not usually fail when it comes to his studies. Likewise, he is not a strict person with his schedule and he will see that you are quite strict with yours. Why do you study so much if your brain needs a break?

Lysander has no problem accompanying you to the library, but he insists that between assignments you take certain breaks. More than once he will tell you "Don't be so hard on yourself, it will have negative consequences in the future."

After each study session he sings to you to relax in his arms, to take your mind off anything study related and get some rest.

Lysander believes that you shouldn't look so much into your future, since the present is already unpredictable enough without planning for something stable in the future. You build your way towards that goal you have, but you will always encounter some difficulty along the way. He knows that your grades are that difficulty that keeps you from moving forward in terms of your hopes of going to college.

"Honey, do what you can; what matters is that you tried. Life goes on, sometimes you have to take shortcuts or other paths that don't allow you to reach your goal. But it will never be your fault, since you already know that you have done your best" He would tell you while caressing the back of your neck. "Be proud of yourself and stop criticizing yourself so much. You don't value yourself enough to see that you are capable enough to put so much effort into things; and that is what should be valued the most."

KENTIN

Oh no, he's not going to let your little oretty face fill with sadness over something as annoying as grades. He understands that you want to go to college and he will certainly encourage you to follow your dreams; but in moderation! He would suggest that you come to his house to study with him, or to the library, and then he would reward you with cookies.

Kentin will force you to take at least two or three hours a day for yourself. You know what they say about playing sports for a while a day so you can exercise your concentration? Well Kentin believes it and will encourage you to join his routines so you can concentrate better and study in less hours than extending them to the point that it affects you negatively.

There's nothing more upsetting for Kentin than seeing you cry over a grade. "Hey, nooo, listen, you're more than enough, don't let a grade ruin your life! You're very disciplined, I'm sure that facet already opens many doors for you even if you don't make it to college" He would tell you as he cradles your cheeks in his hands.

He's going to kiss your tears, he's not going to let you be sad for long.

Kentin is very involved in you taking some time out of your day just for you. He invites you to his house to take a nap, or to go practice sports with him, or bake cookies in his kitchen. But he also supports you to study and spend time studying; but he offers you the idea of balance your organization so that you can clear your mind and have a more positive mindset.

ARMIN

Maybe Armin is a bad influence when it comes to giving school advice?- He would literally tell you to focus on being happy and leave all those worries behind you. In fact, he supports that idea of; if it makes you feel bad, leave it.

But he knows he can't be such a bad influence and push you to make decisions that distract you from your path for so long.

It confuses him why you care so much about your grades. He witnesses all the effort you put into studying, since during exams time he can barely see you :(. Usually because he always brings his console with him, and that's going to distract you from studying. He doesn't mind being patient; he will always send you messages of support when you go to study!

It took him a while to realize that it really is an issue that affects you, but when he saw that it was serious, ah-ah, don't even think about overworking. "You know what happens to a character when they run out of stamina? They feel weak, they can't cope well with situations and they need rest. So do you!"

The easiest way he has to distract you is to write you a message in discord and saying “hop on terraria, bb” (or any other game). But he can completely adapt to those things you enjoy doing! He doesn’t mind (even if it is out home he is gonna whine a lot)

No matter the grade you get on an exam, he is gonna clap at you and feel very happy for you. Sometimes he’d make you blush from embarrassment at how loud he can be… But still, he is very proud of you. And he is not gonna hide it!

“Oh, hey, what’s with that pout? Come on, smile! You did such a great job.” He speaks in such a sweet way that it barely looks like him, but he wants to make you smile, to squeeze you in between his arms. “Never give up, you are strong enough to deal with this and more! But do it at the needed pace to not drain yourself, remember?”

Never back down never give up

✰; remember to reblog and like to support my content, I hope you enjoyed it!

#: ̗̀➛ alex's mcl headcanons!#my candy love #my candy love headcanons #mcl headcanons #mcl new gen #mcl hsl #mcl nathaniel #mcl lysander #mcl castiel #mcl armin #mcl kentin #amour sucre #corazon de melon #cdm #fluff

18 notes · View notes

crystalsenergy · 7 days

Text

Self demands (an attempt at how to deal with this, and a genuine transmission of understanding 🌿🌼)

Whether it comes from you to yourself or from others, demands are something that can greatly affect a person's psychological well-being. And often, it's difficult not to be affected.

Living, dealing with my life, getting to know other people, I realized that all of us will feel some kind of pressure at some point in life.

I see demands as something dangerous for a person's mental health, which can make them feel weak, powerless, incapable.

The way we react to it is unique, it's ours. We cannot define a standard reaction to these things because each person reacts differently. But I believe that we can always handle it differently, better for ourselves. And, of course, this way will vary from person to person.

➥ Self-demands

Many times, the demand doesn't even come from outside but from within. And in these cases, I believe we can control the situation more.

I used to be a person who demanded too much of myself, who wanted to achieve perfection in everything and was upset if I didn't reach it, if everything didn't turn out perfect. Until I learned that seeking perfection is exhausting, especially depending on what you're doing.

There are specific phases of our lives that seem like we cannot escape demands. Adolescence is the main one. Parents, school, and society itself place a series of obligations on your shoulders, a lot of times, it's the consequence of their projections on youth. It's really hard. But what I often see are people who, in addition to the pressure from outside, also pressure themselves. And that's very harmful.

As someone who has been through all of this, I strongly advise you to make sure that at least one of the demands doesn't exist. The external one will be there, and you already need to control/try to handle how it will affect you.

So let's try to understand why we demand things from ourselves and how to handle it better. Okay?

First of all, we need to clarify that: ›› Demanding too much of oneself is not the best way to achieve a good result.

➥ Overcoming oneself and others

Many of the thoughts of those who demand too much have to do with the desire to overcome oneself, to surpass one's own limits. Always wanting more from oneself, for you, it's never enough, you never get there. Because you have to work more and more. Overcoming oneself usually has to do with some standard or specific person(s) that have been set in mind as a profile to be followed. But why do people generally have this thought?

➥ Comparisons, influences of personal life history, and what was taught

Many times, excessive demands may be related to what was taught to you as you were growing up. School, family, the outside itself. Ideas that you need to surpass others to be valued, to be considered better. Some comparisons made since childhood: children in schools being seen and compared according to grades and performances, or at home taught by parents that they need to surpass others to be well-regarded.

These thoughts are very misguided, and if they don't cause problems at that age, they can generate frustrations later, in adolescence, for example. What is even worse if we stop to think about it: it's during adolescence that you receive even more demands to carry.

➥ Self-demands to be well Another thing that unfortunately is taught to us is how we should always force ourselves to be well, always smile, sometimes even pretend a good mood and well-being that we are not feeling at all.

With life [and with Psychology too], I learned that hiding things is even worse. Hiding from others is also hiding from oneself. I understand that there are places and people that it's not worth telling how we are feeling; but it's two different things:

Not telling everything to everyone

VS. Pretending to be well

All feelings exist to be lived.

It's like phases that you really need to experience because otherwise, you won't move forward.

It's as if we need to go through the pain, understand it, and of course, seek help from others and within ourselves to get out of it.

Self-demanding to be well soon will never bring benefits.

You really start to see yourself as inferior for not smiling, living life the way others do. And here comes the same teaching that applies to demands in things like school: do not compare.

You live a moment, and people live other moments. Each of us has our own time.

You have smiled a lot and had happy days; you are not just suffering. And in your happy days, there were also sad people going through bad phases. Therefore, each of us has our own moment. Whether good or bad, it must be lived. Do not compare.

➥ Tasks and more tasks

Many people fill themselves with tasks believing that they will be able to fulfill all of them. This also generates many frustrations and can gradually end up with mental health and self-esteem too.

➥ What can happen

These attitudes and thoughts directed at oneself can generate feelings of anxiety and guilt. Anxiety to do more and more things and surpass oneself (which is terrible because you don't live in the moment, you live in anxiety to do one thing after another). Guilt for not being able to do more tasks.

I have been very frustrated with self-demands. It was the vestibular phase, and I was under pressure. School, prep course, relatives. People, in general, put pressure, saying, 'if she doesn't pass…' Expectations also generate demands. The ideal is to allow the person to live their own time.

I also wanted to embrace the world, do several things at the same time. For those on the outside, that was right. "Look up to her, [Name]." "Do it like her, several things at the same time." But no, we need to know how to choose what we are going to do, how we are going to do it.

When you choose to embrace the world =

you put many responsibilities on yourself, overload yourself, and blame yourself a lot for not being able to do all your tasks. And obviously, you won't be able to: you fill yourself with things to do and still seek perfection. There is no time or energy for everything to go this way.

➥ How to deal with it

Calm down, not everything is lost, and things can work out.

Changing habits and deconstructing these thoughts is very important.

Seek help.

Try therapy, healing frequencies available in places like YouTube, relaxing music (music has immense power!), Solfeggio frequencies, binaural frequencies, and not only with a focus on "concentration, learning", because none of this will serve if the foundation of your being is not based on a minimum of self-respect and a search for internal harmony. No one can endure eternal self-demand without succumbing.

Important message: you can and will live your life well. If you demand a lot from yourself today, there is a way out of it. Don't feel bad for demanding from yourself, don't blame yourself. Try to change gradually, take it easy on yourself, live your time, be kind to yourself. And deconstruct the thoughts: perfectionism masks benefits, in the short term and initially, you may perceive this as something good, but in the long run, the downsides prevail.

➥ Have real goals for your routine!

It's no use getting overwhelmed with tasks. Be realistic, define for yourself only what you have the possibility to accomplish in your day.

➥ Do. not. compare. ₊˚.

Everyone has their own pace. Everyone has their own time. Each person will get there in their own time. You are not worse for "still" being here. There is no "still" because you are not behind in anything. Respect your time and be kind to yourself. It's what you deserve.

Do not rush, do not get frustrated.

Detach yourself from others, from standards, from what is required of you in the environments you live in. You are not your demands.

Life is not a race.

"Stop running for nothing, You don't need to have a dream that anyone dreams." "You don't need to follow someone else's dream. Create and chase after your own."

#studyblr #studying #motivation #self demands #self destruction #self development #self love #self healing #writeblr #my writing #writers on tumblr #writers #writing #reflection #self awareness #self help #student life #entrance exam #student tips

11 notes · View notes

baddingtonbitch · 7 months

Note

pls tell us ur thoughts on veganism (#2 from the ask thing)

my thoughts are good! i've been exclusively plant based before for years and i had a largely good experience with it, and i think it's a great thing to do for people who want to and are able but i also completely understand not wanting to. i also think it very often gets made out to be something it's not, but every diet and lifestyle has adherents who are kinda...deranged and misrepresent it. there are people who hate vegans for very stupid reasons and there are also vegans who are very hateable for very good reasons that are not their diet (usually extremely problematic influencers) but like, vegans aren't monolithic so it can all get pretty frustrating and exhausting to witness the media try to come to some singular conclusion about a huge movement and massive number of people based on a really myopic view of very loud and bad examples.

like anti-vegan raw meat fitness bros and shithead podcasters who antagonise vegans are putrid but so are the vegans who view themselves as morally bulletproof for loving animals while being very privileged, out of touch and racist, wearing plastic fur and leather, shaming people in food deserts or referring to sustainable and traditional practices of indigenous cultures as "barbaric".

it's also not a miracle cure or protective spell against cancer and people who tout it as one are fucking cunts. there's a few public figures here in australia who have done a lot to make vegans look completely insane, saying it will cure anything from covid to brain cancer or smearing themselves in blood and shrieking at people in restaurants. but then there are also always people who are eager to denigrate everyday vegans for nothing at all.

but in my own experience i've never really gotten into any irl discourse with anyone about it, every vegan i've known personally was very normal about it and so was i when it was a part of my life. the people who make asses out of themselves on either side duking it out online and in the media in some kind of eternal hot take battle clearly have bigger issues than what they do or don't put in their mouths and on their bodies. they mostly have a lot of misplaced anger or shame or really any combination of vitriol and distress and this is one of the hills they've chosen to loudly die on as a coping mechanism. at the end of the day their main issue is that they haven't made peace with the limits of their own influence and their sphere of control and it's broken their brains so the anti-vegans hatefully obsess over people not eating bacon and the unhinged self-appointed ambassadors of veganism do reprehensible shit like comparing eating animals to the holocaust. like when piers morgan interviewed tash peterson i wanted the studio to collapse and kill them both lol

in my own experience, my own circle and my own day to day life it has been a primarily positive thing. the main negative i've experienced and the reason i'm not currently exclusively plant based (or exclusively anything) is that following any kind of specific or rule based diet has triggered a relapse into disordered eating for me in the past. that's a whooooole different conversation for another time lol but i'll just say that the vast majority of what i eat now is plant based, and when it comes to the fraction of my diet that isn't, i'm not going to guilt myself over it. while i can't claim to be doing EVERYTHING i can, i'm doing as much as i can while prioritising my mental health and enjoyment of life and i'm a lot healthier now doing that, physically and mentally, than i was when i was a raw vegan letting the concepts of morality and purity and right and wrong in regards to food trigger me into a greenwashed relapse.

i also have the awareness to know that my subjective experience with that pitfall is not the fault of vegan philosophy, just a distortion of it peddled by "wellness" culture that i was particularly susceptible to given my past experiences. and besides, charlatans are not exclusive to veganism, the people on tiktok spruiking raw liver diets and borax smoothies also claim to be doing it in the pursuit of some nebulous ideal of "wellness" so....

basically in conclusion i still personally see the value in being as plant based as i can feasibly and comfortably be, but my relationship to food has been so complex and difficult in the past that i'm ok with pursuing something i see as worthwhile without allowing shame or pursuit of perfection to factor in. and i've also got enough going on with my own relationship to food that i don't really care what anyone else puts in their mouths. if you're vegan or not, just do what you feel is right and what works for you and makes you happy. regardless of my own feelings on veganism and my own history and future with it, everyone and anyone else's diet is firmly outside of my jurisdiction and none of my business. we've seen how trying to dictate the dietary choices of other people has made both pro and anti vegan people become crazy assholes so let's just focus on our own choices because that's all any of us can really control.

(oh my god i didn't mean to write you a novel but all these thoughts just spilled out lol, sorry for the text wall and thank u for asking! <3<3)

#turns out i had a lot more thoughts on it than i knew lol #but yeah your diet is your business eat a cheeseburger or don't idc about anyone's diet but my own we're all gonna die anyway lol #p

8 notes · View notes

paranorahjones · 5 days

Text

in the latest revelations of Stuff I Probably Need To Work Out With A Therapist, i have found that i radically, paradoxically hate when people (but most especially my mother) help me when i clearly genuinely do need help but have not asked for it. and i usually don't ask for it because i hate doing so.

i didn't grow up in a household where help was freely given. i grew up in a "do it yourself" household. if i asked for help i was often met with a very stressful, unkind push to figure it out for myself, or i was made to feel inferior for needing help at all. the mindsets of "asking for help will worsen your situation" and "needing help is an unforgivable sign of inferiority" were ingrained in me from the get-go.

and i think i hate it most when my mother in particular offers to help me because she was largely the one who instilled those beliefs in me. so i find it hard to trust the heart behind her offers. i can readily admit that she has gotten kinder over the years, but i have not yet unlearned what she imparted to me. the other day she kindly offered to help me sort through/clean up the massive pile of clothes in my room that i have been too exhausted from work to deal with, and i was shocked at how immediately i internally resisted the idea of letting her help me. i wasn't unkind to her, i just turned down her offer and said i could deal with it on my own. but this isn't the first time i have refused her or someone else's help, in fact it happens frequently.

i think partly my resistance to it also comes from the fact that i very obviously needed help regarding mental health issues when i was younger and by and large did not receive it from my family in any measure, despite multiple pleas that i be put in counseling. so now i feel like i have to prove my independence after being forced into it.

#sometimes i wonder why i've been single my whole life #and then other times i realize that i need to deal with so much baggage that i wouldn't want to dump on another person #anyways #i love my mom but #oof

3 notes · View notes

peoplcshope · 7 months

Text

all about health meme / accepting / @amitsuma

stress & mind!

stress: does my muse handle stress well? what is a surefire sign for others to tell that they’ve become stressed? how does stress affect them mentally / physically?

I can’t say that Trunks handles stress all that well. But of course it depends on the level of stress. Things regarding housework, or maybe something that’s work-related. Of course he can manage thing like that pretty easily but stress on a disaster level? No, that’s where he succumbs to anger and his first aim through this is to eliminate the cause of that stress.

Let’s say he has work-related stress and by work I mean his job as a time patroller. Not all missions are easy eats, they don’t get solved with a big bang (attack). Sometimes Trunks would have to request back up from other patrollers and sometimes the breakers would find their way into HIS timeline and try to create a timeline where there are no warriors to defend earth, as far as he knows there has only be one parallel universe that’s cemented into that reality, but when this work piles ontop of him Trunks gets stressed.

You’ll notice his temper would often get the best of him in the smallest situations and he also becomes incredibly intense.

mind: does my muse have any mental conditions that affect their lives? what are they? how do they handle them? what coping methods do they use most?

Mental conditions? Oh yes he does. He has PTSD that’s he’s developed because of a rather violent upbringing. There are times these episodes keep him from sleeping entirely or from getting a good night’s sleep in the first place. There are times that his PTSD triggers night terrors and THOUGH he’s gotten the sleep he needed, the night terror just saps all of the energy out of him making him feel extremely lethargic throughout the entire day.

Another thing he has is an inferiority complex. This is something he developed because of the tragic losses he’s experienced because of his own inability to stop it. From losing two people to the rest of the entire population (or most of it depending on the verse hint wink.). This will cause him to overwork his body past the point of exhaustion, always doing things over 100% to ensure he or anyone has to deal with his loss ever.

Lastly, you have his abandonment issues. After losing the last person that had meant EVERYTHING to him(which could be Bulma in most verses and someone else in one specifically) Trunks can come off clingy at times during the start of new relationships. He can be overbearing, eager to see all of your priorities met. A quick one to cuddle/smother and the type of person that would always call on the hour to check up on them. Of course this all fade with time, but understand this all stems from the fear of them leaving or worse: dying.

#❛ mail ━━ i've been fighting but i just can't do enough.#amitsuma

2 notes · View notes

progg · 2 years

Text

Kurapika’s Fate: Follow-up

“The only thing worth writing about is the human heart in conflict with itself.” - WILLIAM FAULKNER

On a recent re-read of the Succession Arc, I picked out some things I feel I failed to address in my previous write-up about Kurapika. In this post, I’m going to further drive home some points I made there, specifically those regarding Kurapika’s mental state.

Reality is never so simple

Currently, Kurapika finds himself torn between two realities, one in which he carries out his quest without the aid of others, and another in which he uses “sacrificial pawns”. Izunavi points out this false dichotomy Kurapika has created.

Kurapika undersells his ability to make friends and the extent to which those friends will support him. He may ultimately succeed in his quest to recover the Scarlet Eyes, but he needs to realize there are more important things.

Firstly, Kurapika completely misinterprets Izunavi’s words. His present situation requires him to work with Oito and Bill (among others), but rather than realizing the importance of these relationships, he concludes “all the more reason to have the power to fight by myself!” His philosophy hasn’t changed, nor has he learned anything about himself.

This is followed almost immediately by pictures of Gon, Killua, Leorio, and Woble, with the words “and yet, reality is never so simple!” written above. Based on the framing and lack of speech bubbles around these words, it seems these are not Kurapika’s conscious thoughts, but rather those of the narrator (or, alternatively, Kurapika’s subconscious). The steal chain speech bubble is overlapping with these images, obscuring them. They’re really tucked away on the page, and I’m inclined to believe this is a symbolic representation of how Kurapika is avoiding coming to terms with this truth.

That being said, Woble’s inclusion is really important. Woble is being compared to the three protagonists whose lives Kurapika values above his quest (although he doesn’t like acknowledging this). This is just another indicator that Woble, specifically her relationship with Kurapika, will be a central force in this arc. I find it very likely Woble will be the focus of another ethical choice for Kurapika, forcing him to reconcile his goals and motivations. It’s possible Tserriednich will propose a trade: the Scarlet Eyes for Woble.

The pattern

I think Bill’s words here have layered meaning. He’s pointing out a “pattern” in which Kurapika pushes himself too far and his friends suffer for it. I wrote extensively about the major theme of repeated behavior in my analysis of Koala’s speech. Kurapika is, by his own admission, engaging in a self-destructive cycle that threatens his relationship with others.

This cycle or “pattern” will need to be broken for Kurapika to grow.

An honest response

On the surface level, this is Kurapika reiterating his uncertainty surrounding the mechanics of his ability. However, I also believe this was an unintentionally honest response about his mental health. He internalizes all of his emotions, and while he knows something is wrong, the best he can manage is “I don’t know”.

He moves on from this thought very quickly, once again avoiding any degree of introspection. He doesn’t want to think about it. I think this is one of the most explicit demonstrations of Kurapika’s mental illness.

The physical toll

I want to take a moment to clarify something about Emperor Time. I believe the life-shaving condition is a new development, symbolizing Kurapika’s downward spiral. Kurapika leaves a chain open after his training with Izunavi. He doesn’t have the ability during Yorknew City, and he reflects on the physical toll he incurred back then, surprised that the additional life-shaving limitation has actually increased his exhaustion.

An interesting implication here is that the physical toll is not a result of nen expenditure but rather a lack of spiritual fulfillment. Kurapika imposed a life-shaving condition on himself, and the physical toll increased. I believe this is because his actions are contrary to what he really wants. Nen is an extension of will, so if a person’s Nen is in conflict with their will, it follows that their Nen would be less effective.

#hunter x hunter #kurapika #meta #analysis #succession arc

23 notes · View notes

luke-o-lophus · 2 years

Text

God Forbidden

Summary : Marc finds himself in his hotel room between the meeting with the Gods and his search for Senfu's sarcophagus. He takes a moment to let his thoughts deepen, darken.

Warnings: Marc's mental health, ableism, blood mentioned but no violence, self depreciating thoughts, suicidal thoughts, dark character study, ANGST

Marc doesn't remember returning to his hotel room. His feet find their way there, or maybe that's how the magic of the Great Pyramids works. Maybe a portal opened up to bring him here. He absently fumbles through pockets for the key, eyes trained on the dried streaks of blood all over his arm as he unlocks the door. To the mess he had left the night before.

Marc often fantasizes about coming back to a clean, safe, warm home after a long day of work. It's a luxury he has been privy to for only a short period and may just have gotten addicted to. Tt's gone back to the old ways ever since he parted ways with Layla.

Then again, he isn't sure what he did today counts as 'work'. He hadn't known he'll be thrust into a meeting with the literal Gods when he left this room earlier today. He drops onto the bed with a sigh, covering his eyes with an arm. His wrists throbbed, a phantom crawl of pulsating energy. He allows himself to scrunch his face, a whimper bubbling at the throat. He's trying not to think of what just happened, but his mind is being treacherous, rewarding him with vivid flashes of memory.

This is a man who does not know his own name.

This is a safe space to tell us if you feel exploited by Khonshu.

This is not about my feelings.

He has done no crime.

Marc should be used to it by now, but it somehow still hurts. So many times he thought he has done it, he's free from the grasp of his mental health. When he established himself as a capable marine, he'd thought he'd finally made it. Then the harsh cold reality hit him in the face, and he was left with the realization that it will never be enough. First putting his life on the line for his country and now for goodness knows who, he's still reduced to a broken mind. Nobody pauses to glance at what he has managed to achieve despite that. Even when he himself sets his feelings aside, it's still not enough, and people wonder why he doesn't open up more. It's not worth it.

There's an ache in his lower back, an annoying sting at his knees. That memory has him rolling aside and curling his legs to his core. Harrow towering over him, standing between his subdued form and the council of Gods. How easily Harrow had pretended to care for his well-being and used it as leverage against him. After all, who believes the words of someone who is unwell, needs help? Not even the Gods.

They weren't his Gods, but they were somebody's. And they had seen everything, done nothing. Deep embarrassment crawls through Marc's veins. He had just admitted to a room full of beings that he was in need of help...when has that ever gone well? Hasn't he learnt enough?

There's a residual burn in his throat, courtesy of Khonshu's shouting. He isn't suprised, but he lets himself be a little disappointed that Khonshu did not tell him he'd take over his body. That the God did not see the need to get his consent, hell even inform him. He does not understand, but again how can He?

Marc knows he should clean up soon, before the blood dries enough to need scraping off. But he lets himself slip into his thoughts for just a while. He wishes he could just slip away from all this, curled on soft covers in a nondescript hotel room. To not worry about the blood on his hands, the ache in his bones, the tears in his eyes. To give in to the exhaustion burrowed impossibly deep in his soul. He vaguely wonders if Steven ever feels like this. But no, Steven is too pure, too hopeful for such thoughts. This darkness is reserved just for him and whatever other monsters reside in his brain. Monsters whose begging whispers for help go unheard by a whole Council of Gods.

Maybe the only God who will regard him seriously is Ammit. She sounds like someone who could actually dish out what he deserves, and maybe even craves. At this moment obliteration doesn't seem too bad compared to what Khonshu puts him through...all to stop her. And for what?

He physically shakes off those thoughts, curls tangling even more at the movement. Clicks his tongue a few times to draw himself back to reality. There's a lot to do; find Senfu's sarcophagus, find Harrow, stop him. Swinging his legs off the bed, he sighs at the sight of the pyramids through the single window. A quick shower sounds good right now, a fresh shirt, a cap. Maybe it's not worth it, but he'll try. For Steven, for Layla, for whoever else who may die if Harrow succeeds. Or maybe, he'll die trying. Either way, that is worth it.

30 notes · View notes

rasparagus · 2 years

Text

the status of and my feelings about this blog

honestly i have been involved in fandom since i was way too young to be on the internet. and i took a break from being super active with fan accounts some years back bc its what was best for me. fast forward to 2021 and becoming a carat is quite literally what got me to start posting and interacting consistently again on tumblr bc the fandom seemed really chill and cool and overall just a nice way to find community, especially during a transition period of my life.

but now i realize why every other day there’s a new creator declaring they need a mental health break lmfao. its cus this shit lowkey sucks. ive barely been active in the community for two months and this is the most stress ive experienced in a fandom. i love being able to chat it up and write fics and read fics but the amount of discourse combined with so many people thinking they know every fucking thing about everything is exhausting. some of yall treat this like a job. i come here to chill but so many people use this community as a way to show how virtuous of a person they are or how witty and sassy they can be with no regard for actual human beings. i think some of yall have been on the internet so long that u have literally forgotten how to interact normally with others, even when they say something u disagree with. not every disagreement is worth some huge moral argument or name-calling session. i dont think its normal that i see a different discourse discussion occur on the timeline every day, all of them met with equal vitriol from the people involved; some things are simply not that serious. maybe if we all take a step back and remember we are people writing fake stories about people we will never meet, then the problems wont seem so big after all. hate to be a hippie but like,,,lets just vibe and treat each other like humans, man~

ofc this isnt about any of my lovely moots xoxo i love yall. but its hard to ignore the discourse that occurs within this fandom. and as someone who does a vast amount of philosophizing in my daily life for school/work/community activism and would truly just like to chill on here, the exaggeration of mild issues stresses me out. im someone who is deeply passionate about politics, social justice, and cultural criticism in day-to-day life (just like a lot of other people who tend to start discourse!). but i also am of the belief that we all need rest, and if our leisure time is plagued by the same seriousness of the “real world” then we’ll never truly get that rest. i fear that in an effort to continue my hobby of writing and interacting with other fans, i will find my mind never truly resting and will be damned to a life where i am convincing myself that i’m having fun when im not. and once again, it should never be that serious.

when i started writing for svt i saw myself being here for a while, and i still really want that. but im barely three (very short) fics in and im already exhausted (and impressed) with how much the fun has been drained out of this fandom for me. i liked it better when all i did was watch gose and gush about vernon to my non carat friends. i really cherish the mutuals ive made and bc of those connections i desire to keep this blog semi-alive. i think it’d be really sad for me to give up on the fandom this early. but this fandom has a level of toxicity that is incredibly anxiety-inducing for me. sure my mental issues are my own and it isnt anyone’s fault, but ive noticed a common trend among other creators as well, so maybe its worth considering the environment we all are fostering. who knows. maybe i need to disappear for a while so i can re-discover the spark that led me to become a svt blog in the first place. this isnt me announcing a formal hiatus or anything. i could be back tomorrow thirsting over mingyu and wanting to write and post a new fic. or it could take me weeks or months to regain the fire that made this fun in the first place. this rant is merely a tired, old (not really) soul expressing their frustrations with a fandom that quite frankly takes itself way too seriously.

#this is ok to reblog #ro's.chats

21 notes · View notes

stuckinapril · 1 year

Note

so my aunt introduced this guy to me few weeks ago, we don't really have much in common regarding our likes or dislikes but we have similar opinions on certain things. honestly the thing is, he's nice, polite, respectful and all but i don't feel any attraction for him. I can barely talk to him for an hour or two without thinking that it's getting boring or tedious. I thought maybe my feelings would grow if i give some time or of we start spending time more often but i don't think it's working. Ik i can simply reject him but the thing is my parents know him and they really like him. And my aunt says "love ain't everything" "you need to think about long term stuff" there's always this constant loop of disagreements and it's exhausting me tbh. Idk where I'm going w this but i had to vent this out. I love my parents but i think sometimes they tend to take control of my life. Plus the fact that there's so much on my plate rn bc of job hunting, career decisions etc that my mental health is getting worse.

will your aunt be the one who goes on dates w him? will your parents marry him? have children w him? spend the rest of their lives w him, as i’m guessing they’re insinuating you might? no? then they have absolutely no bearing on what you decide in the end.

idk what your personal goals are. maybe eventually you’d like to be a stay-at-home wife/gf. maybe you see yourself as more of a career woman. maybe you’d like both. either way, rn it seems like you’d very much rather focus on your career. and i can completely understand how a guy does not fit into your plans. you’re not responsible for other people’s feelings; you’re simply responsible to them. never act from a place of being an anxious helper—which is just another way of saying that you’re making decisions out of wanting to appease people, for the sake of calming your own anxiety down.

calm yourself down. detach yourself from the situation. don’t be distressed because your family is distressed. obviously what you’ll decide might have an effect on them, but consider whether “reassuring” them by entertaining this guy is even wise in the long run. you just don’t seem to be into him. it will come up eventually. maybe choose to be neutral about it in the meantime, just to give yourself the space to think in peace, but ultimately i doubt deceiving them into thinking you like him will get you anywhere productive.

just do what’s best for you babe. if you’re not into him, you’re not into him. a negative reaction doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong; it just means the other person is perceiving it in a different way. and that is not your problem

#ask

12 notes · View notes

universestreasures · 1 year

Text

@crimsonkaiser (Cause you and I wanted this LOL)

Aichi had been out of the dorms all day attending a study session with Kourin for their final exam coming up. Despite having done well in the class the entire semester so far, the blue-haired student can’t help but be nervous about it. Tests like the ones their professor gave, with being of a ridiculous length with not much time to complete it all, were prone to give anyone anxiety regardless of their grades. It’s why he’s thankful the blonde took the whole day to study with him, making him feel a whole lot better about the whole thing.

As a result of such a long day of hitting the books, Aichi was beyond mentally exhausted as he comes into his dorm room and instantly plops onto the couch he and Kai often sat next to each other. He’s looking forward to a nice relaxing night with his boyfriend cuddling up and watching a movie, playing some games, or even just enjoying each other’s company. He doesn’t have a preference on the activity. All he needed was to spend time with Kai to relax.

However, strangely his boyfriend was nowhere to be seen at all. In fact, since this morning he hasn’t heard from him. No messages. No calls. No nothing. That was...odd. He didn’t have soccer practice. The season was over, after all. Not even Miwa or Ren knew where he was after Aichi asked them as he was coming up.

Strange...

Panic then begins to set in, Aichi scrambling through his bookbag to find his phone to try and call him. He never liked it when Kai went off on his own without telling him. For some reason, he always fear like the worst thing ever is going to happen to him, even though nothing bad usually does. It’s almost like he’s...programmed to react that way, something he just can’t control.

Thankfully, the panic wouldn’t have to last for much longer as he can hear the sounds of the door unlocking. He quickly turns his head towards the direction of the sound, cerulean hues then gazing upon his boyfriend who just walked in. Though, if he was in a better state of mind, he’d surely notice how different his boyfriend looked.

Blue clothes, blue eyes, and an overall ‘softer’ and less intense vibe...He didn’t ‘look’ like Kai at all. It was almost like...he was a different person than he was this morning...

“Oh thank goodness! There you are!” He runs forward into the other’s arms, clinging onto him tightly as if he’d vanish if he let go. Never did he have such a strong grip before, and never did he feel his heart beat so fast... “I was so worried! You didn’t answer my calls or messages! Where were you?!”

He then suddenly hears a sound go off on his phone, an alarm he set earlier that day to remind him of when Kai was due for a refill. This was to make sure Kai didn’t feel the need to the medication or go find his source somewhere else, considering the ‘vegan’ vampire products didn’t seem to work for him unlike Misaki. Aichi is sure he would drink the alternatives if he could, considering how hesitant the other usually was in regards to feeding from him.

Arms are then released from the man clad in blue’s torso. A hand grips at the end of his white jacket sleeve, pulling it up to reveal his skin with some marks of previous feedings being on his arm. Kai no doubt was as gentle as he could be when it came to this sort of thing, but the marks of it remained. Aichi is thankful he hasn’t had to go to the doctors in a while cause well...that be hard to explain.

“You can tell me everything after you feed, okay? Your health comes first.”

#crimsonkaiser #💎 Paladin Treasure (Aichi Sendou)#💎 Paladin's Hidden Sanctuary For The Cursed Crimson (Aichi Pale Moon Club AU)#tw long post #tw blood #tw vampire #tw biting #(AICHI MEETING TOSHIKI LETS GO #(ALSO I FEEL LIKE THE FACT TOSHIKI DOESNT KNOW WHAT A PHONE IS ALONG WITH NO DOUBT FIGHTING KAI FOR CONTROL IS WHY AICHI DIDNT GET HIS STUFF #(BACK LMFAO #(BUT OH BOY TOSHIKI GONNA BE IN FOR IT WHEN HE REALIZES WAIT YOURE NOT AHMES #(...YET

4 notes · View notes

theawakenedstate · 1 year

Photo

Welcome to the Spring Clean Your Mind Challenge! It’s officially Mental Health Awareness Month and I wanted to do something different and fun for the Community.

I’m a pretty strong advocate for Mental wellness, I teach it for a living and one of my passions is helping people Empower Their Mindset so they increase their self-esteem, confidence and begin believing in themselves. In fact the Planner I recently released: The Spiritual Awakened Life Planner is built around Helping you with your Mental and Emotional Wellness on the pursuit of going after your own Goals.

Why Am I so Passionate about Mindset and Mental Health? I used to struggle a lot with my Mental and Emotional Health. I had a lot of self-projected hate towards myself where I lacked severe compassion, kindness and encouragement to myself. I would more likely criticize myself, beat myself up and be incredibly hard on myself when it came to well anything, creative projects, chores around the house, being a parent, being in college, etc. etc. I’ve done sooo much work in this area. While i still have bouts of Self-doubt or negative self-talk, i am WORLDS APART from who i used to be.

What was the start of it all?

GRATITUDE and MINDSET SHIFTS 😉

In this Challenge I wanted to give you a behind-the-scenes taste of what it’s like to start making small tweaks to your Mindset for your personal Wellness.

Maybe you already do some of these exercises, awesome!

A lot of people though, shy away from their Mindset especially when it comes to going after their goals or even manifesting. Society often teaches us to ‘work hard’, physically exert ourselves and push past our limits as long as we reach our goals. In the same regard, we have personal development teaching us that growth is about ‘suffering’ and ‘digging into your pain’ to find the healing that’s necessary. I don’t think it’s necessarily about ‘not doing the work’ but it can be a slippery slope if we’re not careful, to have these two concepts damaging our Mental Health without us even realizing it. It’s sneaky and creeps in!

But what if, there’s a whole other side of Mental Health that we’re missing?

What about the space where instead of focusing on how we need to fix ourselves or do a lot of shadow work – we also realize that naturally raising our vibrations is about Emotionally Empowering our Mindset with Absolute Encouragement and Self-Belief?! Listen,

Your Mental health should be your #1 Priority. However, it doesn’t have to be such a drag to do this type of work of personal development and growth. Growth is a lot more than just ‘pushing through pain’, it’s also about backing yourself and building yourself up by honoring where you’re at in the moment.

Instead, it should be FUN, Focusing more on What naturally helps you raise your vibration, Gets you Back into your Body, Empowers you to Stay Present Minded and Grounded in Who you truly Are.

And that’s what this new challenge is about.

Welcome to the Spring Clean Your Mind Challenge!

Did you know that having too much clutter mentally affects your health? Also Sometimes too much clutter can even LEAD to more Mental Clutter! When we Feel more Mentally cluttered we tend to feel more fear, stress, overwhelm or general exhaustion. This overload on your mindset can stop you living your best life! So Let’s Start Cleaning up your Mental Clutter over the course of 25 days this upcoming Spring. (Or if you live in the Southern hemi – Make it a Fall Detox hehe 😉 )

The Spring Clean your Mind Challenge is focused on Helping you detox Your life and Mindset for less stress, overwhelm and smashing out the fear-mind

It’s time to reduce your Mental load and Feel Lighter, raising vibe and start creating space for new growth in Spring

How it Works For the next 25 Days – Pick one Goal each day to do for the next 25 days to boost your dopamine and Mindset for better mental health.

These Exercises are Rooted in helping you:

+ Get More Present and Consciously Aware

+ Shift Your Mindset Easily

+ Focus more on the Good in your Life

+ Nurture both your Mental Wellness and Your Body Awareness

+ Get you Back into your Body where you surrender the monkey mind(ego 🙈)

+ Teach you about the Subtle power behind Mindset!

DOWNLOAD YOUR CALENDAR PDF HERE

Also You may need some reinforcement so Some Days are marked ** You can resource back to the Youtube or Podcast for More Learning lessons on mindset and Meditations to help you!

You also can Share the Journey with us in our Mighty Networks Group! Or Tag us on Social media at @awakenedstate777 with hashtag #springcleanmymindchallenge

Most Importantly – Have fun!!!

Here’s a Video Introducing the Challenge, my thoughts on Mental Health & Personal Growth:

Video

Are you in??! Let us know in the comments!

P.S. Desiring More Support with Mental health? Check out The Spiritual Awakened Life Digital Planner! Most People Don’t realize the MASSIVE power behind Tracking, especially when it comes to building up your self-Awareness and Becoming more Conscious of your Mental health.

Over the Years I’ve really brought my spiritual practice outside of the box and I think Mind-Body Rituals while keeping in check with your Mental Health is incredibly nourishing to your self-esteem.

I think it’s funny we don’t see that taking time for these SIMPLE things instead of Mindlessly scrolling are the BIG THINGS that fuel our Awareness and Mental Wellness.

Such As Checking in on:

+ your Spiritual Practice – Is it nourishing you or is it a chore?

+ Your Self – Care – Are you making time for pause, rest and revitalization

+ Your Mindset – Do you process your thoughts, emotions by journaling, venting in healthy ways or typing them out on a computer? OR Do you also look at your negative thoughts and look at how you can reframe them or Recognize what you’re putting out to the universe?

+ Your DAILY JOY – Do you take the time do things that naturally make you happy, give you inspiration, empower you, give you confidence or simply because you love them, like i love decorating!

+ Creativity – Do you express yourself authentically?

+ Do you get enough Sleep?

+ are you drinking enough water?

+ Are you Active with your Body on a daily Basis?

+ Do you have mental health walks or Movement breaks?

+ Do you know what you’re eatting?

In the spiritual awakened life planner there are different sections on how you can track your mental wellness through your holistic health and your Mental/Physical Health.

While it seems insignificant – most people are not CONSCIOUS of their repeated habits/actions.

One of the easiest ways to build up conscious awareness is to get more CONSCIOUS of your day-to-day actions and ask yourself: Are they healthy? Are they fulfilling me? Am I happy? and if not,

then it’s time to reroute, reinvent and review (mercury retrograde style )

Get your Own Digital Copy of the Spiritual Awakened Life Planner now in the Shop! Available in both Midnight Edition and Unicorn. Head to the website to check it out

The perfect compliment for Mental Health Awareness Month.

>>> The Spiritual Awakened Life Planner: Unicorn or Midnight Edition >>>

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/spring-clean-your-mind-challenge/

Spring Clean Your Mind Challenge

Welcome to the Spring Clean Your Mind Challenge! It’s officially Mental Health Awareness Month and I wanted to do something different and fun for the Community. I’m a pretty strong advocate for Mental wellness, I teach it for a living and one of my passions is helping people Empower Their Mindset so they increase their […]

#conscious awareness #emotional health #mental health #mindset #raising your vibration

4 notes · View notes