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just-jordie-things · 9 months

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[part thirteen] to build a home - gojo satoru

word count: 5.6k warnings: !!manga spoilers!! swearing, jjk-verse style fighting series summary: when (y/n) (y/l/n) catches wind that the notorious sorcerer killer, toji fushiguro, has children, she makes it her personal mission to find them. the catch being she couldn't tell a soul about them- the risk of the zen'in clan learning about them was too great. keeping the secret isn't the hard part, it's lying to her friends, shoko ieiri, geto suguru, and of course gojo satoru, that she struggles with. especially when satoru has suddenly become so keen on keeping an eye on her lately.

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[part thirteen] : “Melt My Soul” ___

How long after a traumatic incident does your body begin to process it? A minute? A day? Or was it the very moment the incident took place?

Does the soul know that this event was going to change the body forever? Or is it the body that processes the trauma the quickest, in order to protect the soul from the impending pain and grief?

It feels as though someone had drilled into (y/n’s) bones, and filled them with metal. Quick hardening, heavy, toxic metal. It keeps her trapped in place, stuck.

So stuck, she glances down to study the concrete of the sidewalk, just to see if there was a curse there keeping her put, or cement being poured over her feet.

But no, there was nothing holding her in place. It was simply her own mind, processing the scene before her too slowly for any of her other bodily functions to operate.

She’s standing outside of a KFC, of all places, close to Shoko’s side, and just barely hiding behind Satoru. She doesn’t exactly mean to be hiding, but again, she can’t bring herself to move. Her hands are curled into fists so tight that they’re shaking- or was that just me? She wondered, and hoped at least no one could notice.

Shoko did. She hadn’t taken her eyes off of (y/n’s) trembling hands since she’d arrived.

Neither of them had said a word, but even if they weren’t frozen in shock, there wouldn’t have been a chance to. Satoru hadn’t offered even a moment for someone to cut in with their own piece of mind.

“What’re you getting at!?” He snarled loudly, not caring about the non-curse users passing by, just trying to go about their days.

(y/n’s) eyes landed on a particular disgruntled couple, who hastened their steps upon seeing the public display. How she wished to be them, at this moment. What a luxury, to find this scene annoying, maybe mildly entertaining.

To think the world as she knew it was crashing down around her, burning up into a crisp. If only she could walk away and roll her eyes.

“If I could be you…” Suguru speaks and it sounds rehearsed, calculated, as if he’d had this conversation before. “Wouldn’t my impossible ideal become possible?”

“You can’t be serious” Satoru’s voice finally drops in volume, and (y/n’s) eyes dart from one friend to the other.

She stares at Satoru hard, trying to read him, trying to figure out what was going through his mind. It’s useless, because she already knows. She already knows exactly what he’s thinking, because she’s thinking the same thing.

Satoru’s hand curls into a fist, and when (y/n) notices it, she relaxes her own hands, which suddenly feel sore from how long she’s kept them tensed. Her palms feel raw as the cool breeze hits them.

For the first time since she’d arrived, she opens her mouth.

“Don’t do this, Suguru,”

All eyes are on her now as she steps forward. Her entire body is aching, maybe from the intense workout she’d done before warping here, maybe from the way the heartbreak is killing her soul.

But then again, what was one more heartbreak?

“Just- just come back, okay? Come back home and we can- we can talk this out”

Satoru and Shoko stare at her, surprised by the offer, wondering if she meant it, that she’d forgive him for his heinous crimes against non-sorcerers, against his own family.

What they don’t know is she’s speaking without thinking. The words that fall from her take a piece of her heart with them, making them sound like the most sincere thing she’s ever spoken, but truthfully, she just doesn’t want to accept that this is who Geto Suguru was now. She wanted to give him a chance to prove it all wrong. She wanted to give them all a chance to forget the last few months and go back to normal.

Suguru chuckles, shaking his head and plastering on a smile.

“Ever the hypocrite, (y/n),” He says, tucking his hands into his pockets.

Her posture stiffens, and her features harden too. Forgiveness was only Plan A. Her fingers twitch at her sides, and she fights the urge to curl them back into fists.

“Your exhaustion becomes you,” Suguru continues, with a smile on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes, which are pointed at her with a venom (y/n) can recognize even from the distance she’s at. “I see you’ve made your choice”

It’s a comment that doesn’t make sense to the others, but (y/n) knows fully well what Suguru was getting at. Her teeth grit together.

“Don’t you speak to me about choices!”

On it’s own angered accord, her arm shoots over her shoulder, fingers wrapping firmly around the hilt of one of her swords. Before she can unsheath it, Satoru’s hand is around her wrist, halting her.

Her head whips towards him so fast she hears a joint pop in her neck, but she’s not bothered by the unsettling crack, consumed enough by her rage to glare at him, silently demanding to know why he was stopping her. Satoru doesn’t say a word, but when he slowly releases his hold on her, she doesn’t try to draw her weapon again. The fire in her eyes doesn’t die as he holds her glare.

Suguru laughs to himself, shrugging his shoulders.

“I suppose this is goodbye, to all of you”

Satoru and (y/n) look back over to him, neither of them knowing what to say. Shoko is wilting behind them both, not having said a word since Satoru and (y/n) had shown up.

Suguru raises his hand, giving what appeared to be a friendly wave. It feels like a finishing blow. With that, he turns around, and walks away. He doesn’t run, he doesn’t summon one of the many curses he could have used to carry him away at high speed. He simply strolls away.

Satoru raises his arm, and (y/n) watches with baited breath as he positions his middle and forefinger to his palm, tucked there by his thumb, and keeps it aimed directly at Suguru.

It’s only for a few seconds, but with her breath caught in her throat, it felt like ages.

Did she want him to do it? Her heart pounded in her chest, getting quicker with every beat. Did she want to stop him, just as he had stopped her? Did she want to beg him not to kill him?

The question hits her, and her breath is finally released, a heavy, shaky exhale that makes her entire body deflate.

Did she want Suguru to die?

Satoru lowers his arm, although his eyes are still trained on the spot his best friend once stood. He was gone now, lost in the crowd of people. Leaving the three of them to stand together, staring at that spot, at a loss for words.

What was there to say? Their best friend had defected, he wasn’t the person they knew, he was a murderer.

(y/n’s) the first to move, although it’s staggered, she takes a step back, putting distance between herself and the others. Satoru and Shoko look at her with worry, and Shoko even reaches out a hand, as though to help stabilize her. (y/n) takes another step backwards.

“(y/n/n)...” The girl whispers, but (y/n) can’t even meet her eyes. Her own eyes are glazed over, locked in a fixed position on the ground.

I can’t dwell on this, she thinks to herself rationally. Her heart begs her to let go, to sit down, to breathe, but she ignores it. I need to move on. I need to focus on Megumi and Tsumiki. I can’t let this distract me.

“(y/n), slow down,” Shoko’s voice is closer to her now, and (y/n) barely registers how her hands set on her shoulders with a feather-light weight. “Breathe”

She doesn’t notice her breathing has gone ragged, uneven. She’s panicking. This is a panic attack.

Move on, she wills herself to get over the incident like it wasn’t her present situation. Think about the kids, and move on, she tries anyway, because she has to.

The funny thing about trauma was that you couldn’t bend it to your will. It hits her now that her chest is heaving, her mouth is dropped open as she gasps for air.

Shoko’s trying to get her to focus, something about matching her breathing, and looking at her, but (y/n’s) vision was blurry, and she couldn’t hear a thing over her pounding heart and her own thoughts.

You only have two days left to prepare, she reminds herself. In two days, the Zen’in Clan is going to come for Megumi, she repeats it like a mantra, a toxic coping mechanism to combat the panic threatening her body.

She had no time for things like panic and fear.

If you don’t get it together, you’ll lose them. And if you lose them, what will you have left? You’ve pushed everything away to protect them, you put your life on pause, and you’re about to risk what’s left of it by challenging one of the most prominent families in Jujutsu Society.

Finally, her head snaps up, wide eyes meeting Shoko’s, who flinches upon the contact, and then she turns to Satoru, who was now also standing before her. (y/n) doesn’t say anything as she looks between them both, and neither do they, at first, but their concern is evident.

“Are you alright?” Satoru asks, leaning in closer as he speaks. She holds his eye contact, but it doesn’t look to him like she’s processing a word he’s saying. “(y/n),” He says her name, catching a flicker of recognition in her eyes. “Can you breathe?”

You don’t have time for panic, the voice in her head reminds her ruthlessly. You don’t have time for any of this.

She looks back to Shoko, whose tears are spilling onto her cheeks, after too long of holding back her emotions. Her lip quivers, and her hands tighten on (y/n’s) shoulders, gripping the fabric of her uniform shirt.

You need to leave, the voice commands, and she doesn’t give it a second thought.

She draws her hand upwards, not noticing the violent tremble of her entire arm, she brings her middle and pointer finger to her forehead, closing the rest of her hand. Satoru recognizes this motion instantly, and jumps forward to rip her hand away from her head.

Using Hexing Eye so recklessly couldn’t be good for her right now. She hadn’t perfected it, hadn’t learned to use it as a means for teleportation, and without a hex in place, she was bound to lose consciousness as soon as she warped.

(y/n’s) faster, throwing herself backwards just as she closes her eyes and focuses her mind on her dorm room.

“Don’t-!” She barely hears Satoru’s voice before she’s warped away. It’s distant, almost an echo, almost dream-like.

Her body lands hard on the floor of her room before she even has the time to open her eyes again. With a groan of pain, she tries stretching her already aching limbs.

I guess that’s why you don’t teleport while mid-fall, she thinks bitterly, pushing herself off the floor on a shaky arm. Her legs aren’t any better, wobbling like jello as she half-drags herself onto her bed.

She’s going to be bombarded by Satoru and Shoko later, for this defiant act, she knows. And even as her strength is giving out and her vision is blurring in focus, she thinks it was what she had to do.

She tries to plan on what she’s going to do tomorrow when she sees the Fushiguro kids, but she loses consciousness just as their faces flicker in her mind.

Using Hexing Eye without a hex on the place she was warping to still wasn’t a viable form of transportation.

A tear slips down her cheek as she passes out, still in her uniform, mind still swarming with half-baked strategy plans, and fear.

Despite finally getting a few hours of sleep after two days, it wasn’t a night of rest. ___

When (y/n) picks up the Fushiguro kids from school the following afternoon, they can see her weariness right away. Even though she smiles, and excitedly asks about how their last couple days had been, they can see through it all.

The bags under her eyes are dark and heavy, and she’s moving slower, almost stumbling over her own feet. Tsumiki and Megumi share a look of concern, neither of them knowing how to approach the subject. As involved as (y/n) was in their lives, she hadn’t been very open about her own life outside of them.

Tsumiki takes her hand as they walk home together. She knew she wouldn’t be strong enough to catch her if she fell, but she hoped that it was enough to bring her some sense of comfort.

Megumi tangles his fingers together, picking at his skin nervously. He’s reminded of the day in the park, when he’d seen her talking to a supposed friend from her school. He remembers how she’d looked when she’d told him that a fellow peer of hers had passed away.

She has that same look in her eye now, he notices.

(y/n) feels him staring at her, and when she looks down at him, she gives him a smile.

It looks genuine enough, but he knows it isn’t. It doesn’t reach her eyes.

Once they get back to the Fushiguro house, (y/n) is quick to whip them up an afternoon snack while they get started on their homework. Tsumiki and Megumi get right to work, quietly focused on their assignments.

(y/n) sets down the plate of snacks between them, quietly praising them for working so hard.

As she takes a seat next to Tsumiki, Megumi notices the way her body seems to slump into the chair, as though melting into it. He quickly lowers his gaze back to his homework, but the sight troubles him.

She looked like she was going to drop and pass out any moment.

He tries not to worry about it, because she might not be a real grown up, but she was older than he was, and she was always put together like a real grown up. Megumi knew that he looked up to her like a grown up, and grown ups didn’t look like this.

He didn’t know what he was looking at, really.

Both kids finish up their homework quickly, and are quick to gather on the sofa to watch tv and relax for the evening.

(y/n’s) slower, still sat at the kitchen table while they dove into their program. She was still mulling over her options, trying to figure out if it was wrong to hide the letter from them, or if it would be more wrong to tell them about such an adult matter.

Which wasn’t fair, she cursed herself, hanging her head in her hands. She wasn’t an adult either, she shouldn’t have to deal with all of these decisions either.

Despite her better judgment, she decides to put it off for just a little longer.

She gets up from her seat, and slowly makes her way over to the living room sofa, plopping herself in the space between both kids.

“So, what are we watching? Catch me up” She tells them with a smile, and Tsumiki happily fills her in on the drama in her favorite characters’ lives.

(y/n) tries to sink back into that familiar, domestic feeling she’d grown accustomed to when she’d first joined their lives. That sense of normalcy that she’d tethered herself to. But even as she engages with Tsumiki, asks her silly questions about the show, she can’t help but fear this may very well be the last normal night she spends with them. Tomorrow was Friday, so she wouldn’t see them, and the next day… well, the next day she’d have to face the Zen’in Clan.

Before her mind can derail further, (y/n) feels eyes burning in the back of her head, and she turns to see Megumi staring up at her, completely turned away from the tv.

His expression is neutral, but his eyes are hard as he holds his stare on her. She almost feels uncomfortable, but she covers it with a small chuckle and a quirked brow.

“Somethin’ wrong, Megumi?” She asks.

His eyes shift to his sister, who gives a small shake of her head, warning him not to say anything about (y/n’s) troubling demeanor. Megumi sighs, and sinks back into the couch, focused on the tv again.

“No” he mumbles back to her.

He’s not a good liar, but he’s eight, so (y/n) lets it go. He seems to relax as he watches the show, anyway, so she figured whatever it was, couldn’t be too big of a deal.

The rest of the night continues in the same way. Until eventually she’s bringing them both upstairs to put them to bed, just like she always does on nights she spends with them. Except tonight, Tsumiki hugs her for a little longer than usual, and Megumi lingers in front of his bed, unwilling to get it.

“Megumi,” (y/n) calls softly from his doorway. “Are you alright?”

He turns around to face her, revealing the book in his hands. Charlotte’s Web.

He hesitates before speaking.

“I’m not tired…” He says, but his voice sounds slow and sleepy. “Will you read to me for a bit?”

(y/n) smiles, nodding her head back at him.

“Yeah,” She agrees, not thinking twice about the time, or how she should be getting back to Jujutsu Tech soon. “Yeah, of course”

“Can we go back to the couch?” He asks.

(y/n) wants to ask why she can’t read to him while he’s tucked into bed like she usually did, but she quickly assumes he’s just being a kid that wants to fight sleep, so she nods her head.

“Sure” She agrees with a smile, and steps out of the doorway so he could lead the way down the stairs.

Megumi climbs onto the couch with his book in one hand, his other hand reaching for the ratty old throw blanket on the cushion beside him. (y/n) takes a seat beside him, taking the book and flipping to the page that he’d last marked.

“How many times have you read this now, anyways?” She asks.

Megumi ducks his head shyly, shrugging his shoulders.

“I dunno,” He admits. “It’s my favorite”

She smiles as she looks back at the page before her.

“It’s becoming my favorite too” She says, before she starts at the top, and begins reciting the story she’s told him many times before.

She gets through about a chapter and a half, with Megumi curled up in his blanket beside her, his eyes following along as she reads. He’d had most of the story memorized by now, it really was his favorite, but he couldn’t get enough of it.

“Hey, (y/n)?”

His voice is quiet when he cuts her off mid sentence, but (y/n) stops speaking instantly, turning to give him her attention.

“What is it?” She hums, her finger holding her place in the book.

“Tsumiki said it was rude to ask,” He began, his eyes focused on his lap. “Are you okay?”

(y/n’s) brow furrows in concern, but Megumi doesn’t look up, too busy playing with his fingers.

“It’s not rude…” She says slowly, trying to find the right thing to say. “And I’m okay”

It’s not very convincing.

Megumi looks up at her, blinking his wide eyes as he stares at her in disbelief.

“You don’t look okay,” He says, and it’s blunt, but it’s the truth, and he doesn’t know how else to make her be truthful with him, too. “You look tired. And sick”

(y/n) chuckles at how intuitive he is.

“I appreciate the concern, honey,” She says, trying to play it off. “But don’t worry about it, I’m just fine”

“Did you have another mission?” He asks.

(y/n) winces, shaking her head.

“No, not exactly,” She says honestly. “I’ve just been… busy… that’s all”

Megumi frowns, not caring for the bullshit answer. It wasn’t like her to lie like most adults did, when they thought they were being smart and misdirecting. (y/n) almost laughs at how such a young boy can tell when she’s beating around the bush.

“Megumi, you don’t need to worry about me-”

“But you worry about us all the time,” He mumbles defeatedly. “And you don’t look very good so… so we’re worried about you,”

He blinks, and (y/n) swears she even sees tears in his eyes. Fretting over him, she closes the book, and brings one leg onto the couch so she could face him properly.

“Can you just tell me the truth?” He asks quietly.

(y/n) sighs, but nods her head. When he asks her so sincerely, she can’t bear to lie to him again.

“Of course,” She says, because if he’s telling her it’s what he needs, then it must be the right thing to do. “Megumi…” She starts, but the words fail her as soon as she tries.

How does she explain her situation to an eight year old?

“I… I had a friend. A close friend,” She begins.

Megumi’s eyes widened.

“A boyfriend?”

“No,” (y/n) scoffs, pushing his shoulder gently. “I’m too busy raising kids, I don’t have time for a boyfriend. But this was my best friend. And he… well he recently left the school”

“The one from the park?” Megumi tilts his head.

(y/n) frowns, before turning her face away to quickly hide the sadness of the whole situation she’d been trying to bury. It appeared she had quite a friends that weren’t around anymore, for whatever their reason. Megumi also frowns at this.

“No… no this is a different friend,” (y/n) says quietly. “Do you remember when I told you about the sorcerers who… who don’t want to follow the rules?”

“That they defect?” Megumi asks.

If it didn’t break her heart, (y/n) would praise him for his sharp memory.

“That’s right,” She murmurs. “Well… that’s what’s happened to my friend,” She tells him. “He didn’t want to follow the rules anymore, so… he left”

“Oh…” Megumi looks back down at his lap. “Did he die?” He asks quietly.

“No, no he didn’t die,” (y/n) said.

She lays her palm between his shoulder blades, rubbing his back comfortingly. Even as she censors some of the truth from him, she feels like her words are still putting a weight on his shoulders.

“I’ve been sad because he left,” She tells him. “I probably won’t ever see him again”

I hope I don’t see him again, she thinks.

“That’s worse,” Megumi says sadly. “I’d rather know that they’re gone forever for a reason”

(y/n) feels her heart leap into her throat, and she can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking about his dad. She’s surprised a child so young could understand how she feels. It hurts her more, knowing he’s experienced this same heartache.

“I think I’d have to agree,” (y/n) hums, raising her hand to mess up his hair. Megumi looks up at her with a frown. “It’s not easy being a Jujutsu Sorcerer,” She tells him. “I never said it was easy, never thought it’d be easy…”

Megumi pulls her hand out of his hair before she could mess it up further, before he fixes the messy locks himself.

(y/n) looks at him, and swallows the lump in her throat that makes her want to cry. If only he were older and she could explain all of this to him.

“But listen, Megumi,” She leans forward, and hopes he can take her seriously, even for just a minute. “You don’t have to worry about me, okay? I’ll be just fine,” She gives him a smile. “I’m sorry I made you worry, but you don’t have to worry that little head of yours about me anymore, alright?”

Megumi isn’t sure if he should believe her, but she ruffles his hair again with a laugh just to mess with him, and when he swats her hand away she only laughs more, so he thinks she’s okay, for now.

“You know you don’t have to raise us, right?” He asks.

(y/n’s) eyes widen at him, stunned to silence.

“It’s okay, if… if you have to go. You have a lot to do, don’t you?” Megumi drops his head again. “We would understand. We would be okay”

Her heart breaks, and before thinking, she reaches out and wraps her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“Megumi, I’ve told you before,” She has to focus on keeping her voice even. “I’m sticking around whether you want me to or not”

His hands cling to the back of her shirt.

“There’s nothing that would make me leave you guys. I knew what I was getting into when I met you both. I knew what I was getting into when I started looking for you. And I’m still not going anywhere”

She rubs his back and keeps hugging him until he pulls away. Her focus remains on him, and she frowns when she sees tears on his face. Her fingers gently reach out to brush them away.

“I know you won’t just leave” Megumi sniffles.

(y/n) takes his little hands, smiling at him fondly.

“I won’t ever leave,” She whispers. “I’ve put a lot of trouble into watching out for you two. You’re important to me. And I’m going to make sure you guys can have everything you want”

Megumi musters up a small smile.

“Okay,” He mumbles, pulling his hands away to wipe the rest of the wetness off of his face. “Can you read a little more?”

(y/n) smiles warmly, and nods her head.

“Of course,” She says, picking the book up again, flipping through the pages to find the spot she lost.

Megumi gathers himself up in the blanket once more, and when she finally finds their place and begins reading again, he leans against her arm. He might have an eight year old’s willpower to stay up late, but the tiredness had finally caught up to him.

It didn’t take long before he fell asleep against her. (y/n) stayed still for a while, marking her place in the book and setting it aside while she sat quietly with the sleeping boy.

She petted his head gently, untangling the knots in his hair with careful fingers, and making his body relax more as he drifted deeper into his slumber. Even long after he’d fallen asleep there, she remained by his side.

I hope you believe me, Megumi, she thinks as she lays her own head against the back of the couch cushion, suddenly finding the old thing the most comfortable place she’s ever rested. And I hope you forgive me.

She drifts off to sleep with her hand on his head, and hopeful thoughts that she can do right by him. ___

With a jolt, (y/n’s) body is thrown forward in bed, tears streaming down her face and her hand outstretched, reaching for an imaginary figure, one that had been suffering before her in her dreams, but now was nowhere to be seen.

Panting to catch her breath, she tries to tell herself it was just that, a dream. Well, a nightmare. It was over now.

“(y/n)?” A tired, raspy voice rang out, before a warm hand smoothed over her shoulder. “You alright, sweetheart?”

“Satoru,” She breathes out his name as she turns to face him, a relief spreading through her chest upon seeing him there. “You’re here”

Her breathing steadies as she looks at him, his sleepy eyes and disheveled hair a sign that he’d actually been sleeping comfortably. She was surprised, considering he’d spent most of his nights in her room to dote on her, to ensure she was the one that slept well. Since Yu’s death, she’d been plagued with nightmares, the reminder that even jujutsu sorcerers face their mortality had been brutal.

“Well ‘course I am,” Satoru mumbles, giving her a small smile. “Where else would I be?”

She’s not sure why, but when she’d first laid eyes on him, his presence had shocked her before it had relaxed her. Her brows furrow as she wonders why that is, but she quickly brushes it off and lets herself relax.

The nightmare was over. She was here now, and so was he.

With languid movements, Satoru props himself up on his elbows, his eyes flickering over her curiously.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asks, pulling his hand from her shoulder to rub the tiredness out of his eyes. “Your nightmare?”

(y/n) pulls her knees to her chest, keeping her arms wrapped around them so she could comfortably rest her chin there. The longer she was awake, the more the horrors of her dream seemed to fade away, until it was just a few flashes of images that barely made sense.

“I think I’ll be alright,” She replies, laying her cheek against her folded arms so she could look over at him. “Satoru,” She hums his name softly. “Thank you, for staying with me,”

He gave her a look, displaying his confusion with her sudden sentiment.

“I don’t think I ever thanked you,” She says. “And I should have, a long time ago. So, thank you. For everything”

Satoru sits up, mimicking her position as he rests his arms on his legs, staring at her with an intensity behind his cerulean eyes that only she seemed to be able to take on directly.

“You want to thank me…” He says slowly, before his brows furrow. “When all of this… has been your doing?”

The chill that shoots down her spine seems to spread over her heart. The relaxation that had settled into her bones now replaced with freezing cold fear. (y/n) lifts her head up, unblinking as she stared at him.

“What?” She mumbles, her voice barely audible.

“You couldn’t track down Toji, and I almost died” Satoru spits out.

“No…” (y/n) shook her head in a small but trembling motion. “No, I… I followed him for days I- I did everything I could to-”

“Tch,” Satoru scoffs, the disgust evident in his face now as he glares at her. “And then you don’t even have the guts to fess up,” He mutters. “You sneak around and lie and cheat. What makes you think it will be any different?”

As he snarls at her he shoots forward, and she flinches, hard enough she had to steady herself so she didn’t tumble out of her bed.

“You think that you can protect them? You?”

She’s still shaking her head, unable to find her voice, or any words to defend herself. Where was this coming from? Why was he doing this?

“You can barely operate your own cursed technique, you have the ability of a first year, and you’re spineless, (y/n). It’s pathetic that you consider yourself a jujutsu sorcerer”

“‘I- I’m doing everything I-” She tries to speak, but it’s useless. Her breath had gone ragged and the panic inside of her was bubbling up too much for her to focus on speaking.

Satoru leans closer, and even though they’re both sitting, he towers over her as his glare hardens. She’s never seen him so filled with hate, and the fact that it’s directed at her makes her heart drop to her stomach.

“Your ‘everything’ isn’t good enough,” His voice is a low growl.

Tears burn in her eyes.

“How can you be the only one that doesn’t see that?” He laughs bitterly. “How are you the only one left that can’t see how weak you are?”

“I- I’m sorry-”

“Even your apologies mean nothing!” He yells now, and she squeezes her eyes shut so she doesn’t have to look at him any more. “You’re destined to fail, you’re weak, just like the rest of them. You can barely protect yourself, you think you can protect Megumi? Tsumiki?”

“I have to try!” She wails, but it’s drowned out by his vicious laughter.

“And when you fail, their blood will be on your hands!” He’s practically roaring over her.

She’s cowering, sobbing into her hands as she desperately attempts to wipe the tears from her face, but it’s no use. They won’t stop. Satoru scoffs at the sight, disgusted by what she’d been reduced to.

“Face it,” He mutters. “You could have stopped Toji, and you failed. You could have stopped Suguru, and you failed. Now you think you can take on the Zen’in Clan?” He scoffs and shakes his head. “You’ll die in vain” ___

“Stop it!”

(y/n) shot outwards, her strained voice leaving her throat in a pained cry, but as the blur in her vision clears away, and she gains her bearings, she realizes she’d just awoken.

A dream? She thought distantly, looking around herself, finding she was still in the Fushiguro’s living room.

That’s right… I fell asleep here… reading…

But she finds that Megumi is no longer sleeping at her side, and the blanket he’d had was now thrown over her lap. He must have woken up and gone back to his room. The realization that he’d given her the blanket to keep her warm brings her a moment of peace. Picking up the ratty material that was barely enough to keep her legs covered, (y/n) begins to calm down.

Her breathing calms, and she closes her eyes to focus on bringing herself back to the present. It was all just a cruel dream.

However it’s not as easy when she’s alone, she realizes. There was a time, although short, where when the nightmares would rob her of her sleep, there was always a comforting presence right there, ready to lull her back to sleep with a warm embrace.

And sometimes he’d read to me, she recalls.

Although the plaguing images of her nightmare had worn away from her mind now, she still feels a wetness pool in her eyes.

She missed him. Dearly so.

A tear drops to her cheek against her will, and soon she was quietly weeping into her hands.

Deciding to lay back on the couch, she gives in to staying the rest of the night at the Fushiguro house. She’d never stayed the entire night, but she was long past curfew now, and she was in no position to walk or warp back to Jujutsu Tech. She carefully pulls the small blanket over herself as she settles into the cushions. Her tears wet the place where she lays her head.

If she survived this, she’d have to thank him, for all the nights he stayed by her side, she recalls the short period of warmth that her dream had brought her. She hopes she can drift back into it’s sweetness. And then she’ll have to get on her knees and apologize for the rest of her life.

She knows she won’t earn Satoru’s forgiveness.

If I survive. ___

(a/n): wow that kfc breakup do be hurtin but it hurts so goood. reblog to dry ur tears <3 taglist: @whats-humanity-lol @malinq-ashida @mor-pheus@bekahtaylorgriggs@pookiea@megumimind@thealchemical@pearlstiare@niallerhere@96jnie @purpleguk @peqch-pie@yukinemaroop@makis-girl@sadtoru @kamikokii @nerdiel-has-no-braincells @googlesheetshoe @vzleria

xoxo ~ jordie

#gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo #satoru gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader friends to lovers #friends to lovers #gojo satoru x reader series #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru imagine #gojo satoru fanfiction #gojo satoru scenario #satoru gojo imagne

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ateezscupid · 1 year

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If u cam do issa Weired request ... blurb

Hongjoong leaving his gf, yet haven't moved on.

Now he is a successful producer whilst he found out that ex is now struggling with depression!!

﹟𝗠𝗜𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗬𝗢𝗨 ⋆ 𝗄.𝗁𝗃 𝗑 𝖿!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗘𝗭 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 / 𝗥𝗘𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧

plot - you and hongjoong brokeup a while back so he could focus on his career. the both of you didn’t know how badly that breakup would affect you.

warn - slight angst and some fluff, idol!au, mentions of depression, mention of s/h and s/i (more like implications), happy ending, kind of based in present time (guerrilla era)

w/c - n/a

𝗧𝗔𝗚S - @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @starillusion13 @mingitheskzstan

“who’s that girl?” you mumble to yourself as you stare at the picture hongjoong posted recently. it was a picture of him and another girl holding hands and looking in love. you narrowed your eyes and threw your phone across the room, falling back onto your bed and sighing.

it’s been years since you and hongjoong broke up. you two were young, and had your whole lives ahead of you! of course, that meant you two had to part ways. it was impossible to do a long distance relationship if you planned on going all the way across the globe for college. hongjoong wanted to stay in his home town to work on his music and focus on his group, ateez.

when you heard the words “we need to take a break,” leave his lips, the only thing you could think of were the things you did for him. you were always there for fan signing events, concerts, promotion events, etc etc. you were their biggest supporter and ateez thank you for it. you were there even before they debuted.

it was after ‘say my name’ was released, he decided to end things. it took everything in you not to cry, but you couldn’t help the torrent of tears flooding down your cheeks like niagara falls.

you were able to handle the breakup for the next few days until you saw that one interview. you could’ve sworn hongjoong felt your eyes burning holes into his head. the interviewer asked ateez what their ideal type was, and if they were looking for relationships. you cringed on the inside from the question, but listened intensely when hongjoong was asked.

“i don’t mind what my future girlfriend looks like, it doesn’t matter to me. but, as of now, i’m still looking for my perfect lady.”

he was still looking. those words were now engraved in your memory. that wasn’t like hongjoong. he wouldn’t just ignore everything you two had because ateez was gaining popularity, but judging from his expression, he was dead serious.

you clawed are your chest. if it were even possible, you felt your heart drop inside of you. the tears that fell from the day he brokeup with you started up again. nothing could’ve prepared you for what he said. nothing. you thought you two had something but clearly you were wrong. were you not perfect to him? did he not find you pretty? did you mess up? did he lie about his reason of breaking up? everything ran through your mind all at once.

his one answer sent you into a spiral. you spent hours everyday checking to see if hongjoong’s ideal type changed so you could make yourself look like the person he described, but you got nothing. you spent hours looking at tips tom how to become prettier, how to keep a long relationship.

all of the internet you consumed in those days sent you into a deep depression, one you thought you couldn’t get out of. you kept in contact with the ateez members, but hongjoong was the only one who didn’t talk to you. mingi said he was busy in the studio whenever you asked to speak to him, and you couldn’t help but breakdown when you heard those words. excuse after excuse. he really got over you that quick..?

everything hit you like a truck so fast. hongjoong broke up with you and refused to speak to you, and the friendship you thought you had with ateez disappeared when their schedules became booked and they didn’t have the time to talk to you. they used to respond to your messages hours later, then it turned into no responses at all. you weren’t close with anybody else as much as you were with ateez, you felt alone. nobody was there to talk to, and you definitely didn’t want to tell your parents. chances are they’d say you were overreacting.

your depression worsened when you saw hongjoong having fun with other idols who were girls. he seemed so comfortable around them, as for you, he’d refuse to talk to you. you felt like a burden. you weren’t important. you were useless.

harming yourself felt like your last option since the job you were working at didn’t help you afford getting actual help, so you felt it was your best bet. though it wasn’t. your job, being ignorant, said you needed to “take a break” since your scars were scaring customers. you didn’t bother arguing back and just took the punishment.

and here you were now, scrolling through his personal instagram account and seeing him post about this one girl frequently. he had found someone new. he forgot about you. you weren’t important to him. in fact, tou weren’t important to anybody. there were a few times where you’ve thought of leaving the face of the earth and never coming back, but what about your family? they were still assholes but they cared about you? how would it affect ateez’s mental health? you didn’t want to make them feel what you felt.

not paying attention to what you were doing, you liked one of his posts. it wouldn’t have been a problem if you were on your secret account, but it was your main. it was the entire reason you threw your phone, and you were so scared to pick it up thinking he’d see it. but the post had 100k likes? how would he see yours?-

ding!

well, you were proven wrong. carefully you crawl off your bed and snatch your phone up, staring at your screen blankly when you saw a message from him. his account. the account that was verified. it couldn’t have been true, you had to have been dreaming.

hj: is this who i think it is?

yn: yes?

hj: oh, hey y/n :) how’ve you been?

yn: i’ve been okay.

hj: that’s good

hj: soo what have you been doing since the last time we spoke to each other?

yn: nothing

hj: really? nothing? i thought you wanted to focus on dancing or something like that.

yn: i didn’t get into the college i applied for

hj: oh i’m sorry to hear that. have you been doing anything else?

yn: no

hj: oh ok

hj: is it awkward speaking to me again? i’m sorry if i made things weird or i made it seem like i forgot about you. i haven’t forgotten about you.

yn: its not awkward, i’m just embarrassed

hj: embarrassed?

yn: people knew we were dating before and after your group debuted, but you went on national television and told everybody that you were still looking for your soulmate or whatever? that was embarrassing.

hj: we talked about the questions they’d ask us if we were on the show? i thought you knew i wasn’t being serious?

yn: i would’ve thought that, but i didn’t. even after that you refused to talk to me, no matter how many times i tried talking to you. mingi told me you were always busy. i thought you had forgotten about me.

hj: i didn’t forget about you? but i’m sorry if i made it seem that way… i was always busy though?

yn: you could’ve told me that yourself, hongjoong.

hj: i realize that now

yn: i know you don’t know how much you hurt me, but it hurt me a lot. not only you, but everyone else. i hate being alone. i didn’t have anyone to talk to.

hj: i’m sorry. are you still in the states? we’re here to promote some music but i have a bit of time, i can visit you? what’s your address

yn: [___] my roommates aren’t home, so we can talk alone

hj: cool. be there in thirty.

and he kept his word. he arrived at your apartment in 30 minutes, maybe even under thirty. you thought he’d come empty handed since the plan was to talk about your feelings and settle the rocky relationship, but he came with flowers and chocolate. it was pretty cliché but you didn’t care. at least he cared about you enough to get you something.

"hey," the smile on his face let you know he was happy to see you for the first time in what felt like forever. he's been missing you like crazy since the breakup but didn't have the guts to reach out to you.

"hi." on the other hand, you were still mad at him and didn't want to make it seem like you've been stalking him since you two parted ways, which you have.

"can i come in?" his eyebrow raises and you nod, moving out the way of the doorway and allowing him to walk inside. you handed him a vase to put the flowers in as you walked over to the couch. he closed the door behind him then moved to a nearby counter, taking the flowers out of the plastic and throwing them into the trashcan.

“so… i haven’t kept up with what you guys have been doing.” which was a lie. you always spent your free time going through the official instagram as well as the members to see what they were doing. “what songs did you guys release?”

“we just released guerrilla, that’s why we’re in the states.” when he was done with the base, he walked over to where you were and sat on the couch. he wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with him being close or not so he kept his distance.

“oh, that’s cool.” you nod slowly. “have you been seeing anyone since we… parted ways?—”

“nope.” joong answered quickly. “you may not believe me, but i never got over you. i’ve missed you like hell, it felt like i had a hole in my heart. y’know? everything i did felt weird because you weren’t with me. when i didn’t see you at our concerts and at promotions, it felt wrong.”

“…it did?” you started feeling guilty now. “i didn’t know you felt like that.”

“it’s not your fault! okay? it’s not your fault, it’s mine.” he sighed. “i kept reading over your texts while i was driving and i felt bad. really bad. i feel bad knowing i was the reason you went through all of that. i didn’t want to point it out when i first walked in but i noticed your…”

you furrow your eyebrows and looked down. you hadn’t worn a long sleeved shirt like you planned on, which meant your arms were fully exposed to him. some of your scars were healing pretty good, but there were still many that weren’t healing as fast as the others. they were more visible. you didn’t know what to say to him. hongjoong scoots closer and pulled you into a hug without saying a word. before you knew it, tears were streaming down your cheeks again.

“shh, it’s okay, i’m here.” he held your face against his chest, patting you on the head and holding you tightly. you weren’t aware of how badly you needed a hug until now; the same arms that held you years ago were holding you now and it made you feel so much better.

“j-joong,” you sniffled. “are you mad at me…?”

“what? no, no i could never be mad at you.” he sighed, feeling the urge to cry as well. “im just glad you’re still here. im glad we’re together right now.”

“i… am too,” you smile weakly and wrap your arms around his body. “can you stay the night?”

“sure, i think i can. i think this is the one week where we don’t really have anything to do as a group. i can ask to spend the entire week with you, would you like that?”

“yes please, do that. i wanna spend as much time as i can with you before you go back.”

hongjoong chuckles and pushed your hair behind your ear, staring into the eyes he fell in love with all those years ago. “do you want to try again?”

you were waiting for that question since the moment he walked inside. “i do, joong.”

#cupids asks and submits ♡#ateez #ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez hongjoong #hongjoong fanfic #hongjoong fluff #hongjoong oneshot #hongjoong ateez #hongjoong imagines #hongjoong #hongjoong scenarios #hongjoong x reader #hongjoong x y/n #hongjoong x you

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treluna4 · 11 months

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Dialogue day

The prompt: Share a section of dialogue that we like from our own work. It can be funny, sad, ridiculous, mysterious, plot-centric or just characters shooting the breeze…anything. It can be from a WIP or a posted fic, short or long.

***

So this is a TBT. Almost exactly 7 years ago, I did a fic fest of sorts- write a 50k fic in 6 months. I’d never done anything like that before. It was an incredible experience and it taught me so much.

Strange Alliances is a Once Upon A Time fic that is so, so dear to my heart.

This fic was rushed, but still remains one of my favorites. It all started with this scene here (cut down for space.

***

"You're quite a mysterious woman, Captain."

"Am I?" she asked, in a thankfully even tone.

Hook nodded and drank, smiling slightly. "The only woman ever to Captain a pirate ship and somehow you and your crew have bested all other pirates in the realms. All except meself, of course," he added indulgently.

Emma considered him for a moment. "You'd be surprised what I'm capable of, Captain," she said cooly. She sipped her drink and walked away from him, leaning against the large table situated in the very center of the room.

Hook’s expression was impossible to read. "I have no doubt of what you're capable, Captain. Your reputation has preceded you as well." Hook lifted his glass toward her with a slight nod of his head, as though toasting her. Emma faltered for a moment.

"And what is my reputation?" she asked, watching him closely.

"You are known to be vicious to your enemies and fair with your crew. You work alongside them in every battle and split all treasure evenly among your crew. Many believed you were foolish to allow women on your crew, yet you have not ever suffered a hint of mutiny.” Hook watched her for a moment. “That is not what I would expect.”

“And what would you expect?” Emma asked.

“Most pirates I consort with would not take kindly to sharing deckspace with women. They would become… distracted.” Hook sipped his drink again.

“Most pirates you consort with would get their throats slit on my ship,” Emma retorted angrily.

His look softened at once. “It was not my intention to offend you, Captain.”

“You wouldn’t be the first.” Emma’s eyes flashed dangerously.

“Perhaps we are getting off on the wrong foot. I merely intended to commend your abilities. It is a simple fact is that you single-handedly helm one of the greatest vessels in all the realms and do so with apparent ease. You are truly something. Like... magic."

Cold fear surged in her heart, overwhelming her anger. He didn’t know. He couldn’t possibly know. She had kept her powers quiet. Her entire crew had no idea. Not even August, and she trusted him with her life. Though she had magic, she was extraordinarily careful not to use her skills against anyone; adversary or ally alike. Plenty of stories had been told on the high seas. She knew what could happen if she was discovered. Emma watched Hook carefully, waiting for a sign that he knew more than he was letting on, but he was keeping everything extremely close to the vest. This was usually her tactic and it was infuriating to have it used against her.

"If there's one thing pirates are well versed in, it's gossip." she said evasively, taking a sip of her drink.

Hook grinned at her, a mischievous glint in his eye. He was not going to let her go that easily. "Which would make gossip an ideal place to hide the truth."

#one day I’m going to go through and edit the shit out of it #and repost it #there is so much I would #change #but I can’t begin to tell you just how much I love that fic

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forebodingprophet · 1 year

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Moirai || Clotho C2P2

“Here’s my proposed solution for the current problem.” Anastasios’ grandfather took the pages handed to him, raised his glasses, and started to slowly read them over. Balia’s visit and Hikaze’s sudden addition to the event had made getting to meet with his grandfather over the issue close to impossible. He’d even had to wake up early the morning of Hikaze’s departure to write out his solution, leaving him running on very little sleep. His proposal was far from simple, but it would be effective and help those who’d chosen to leave keep most of their autonomy. It would help eliminate the need for daily check-ins, and Anastasios himself planned to manage the logistics.

“You want everyone to move?” his grandfather asked, peering over his glasses.

“Yes. I know it’s not ideal, but it will allow those who left the house voluntarily to keep their autonomy. Of course, anyone who wants to is welcome to move back home. I’ve already ordered Théo to talk to the others servicing the house about finding rooms. But for anyone who genuinely refuses to return to the house, this will make it so that they needn’t have to check in with us daily. House Ofthalmós will finance their move while they work on selling their old place upon which point we can be reimbursed and they can receive any extra money afterwards.

“And you want to manage all of this?”

“Yes. I can handle the aníschyros better than anyone else in the house because I actually treat them like people,” Anastasios hissed. “Even if one of them won’t listen to me, Théodore or Cosmo will back me up.”

His grandfather sighed.

“Anastasios, if this is about you trying to prove yourself as the next patriarch, trust me: no one in the house doubts your abilities. I overhear the aníschyros weekly talking about how they can’t wait for me to step down, but this is a lot to take on. You know that, right?”

“I do. This isn’t about proving myself. This is about finding my missing family and wanting to make sure it’s done in the most efficient manner possible.”

“Why don’t we ask Lady Aria for some assistance? That might-”

“Absolutely not. While Lady Aria would surely lend us her full support if asked, we as a house need to become more independent of our gods. We already cower behind Celia at the mere threat of invasion when we have the power to incite rebellion and topple kings off their thrones.” Of course, Anastasios would never let the house go that far, but, unbeknownst to Celia, he had Seen through her dilemma, and he agreed that they were too reliant on her for their continued autonomy. “I’ll prove to you that we don’t need the help of our gods for every threat.”

While Anastasios made his preparations, Hikaze was making his own. The first thing he figured out that he needed was money. The current him didn’t even get an allowance. His parents used to give him a little when they lived in the capital, but, since they’d moved, they’d kept saying that they didn’t have the money for that right now. And even if they were still giving him allowance, it wouldn’t have been anywhere near enough. If his parents did indeed plan on using him, they’d never support him going out on his own either. He hadn’t questioned his allowance being cut off after they moved, but it may not have been to preserve the family finances but to keep him nearby. He may need to just bolt. He didn’t really have any issues with it. He’d leave a note, and he was sure they’d take him back when he showed back up just relieved that he was fine. He could send them letters too. The more he worked through it in his head, the more he felt like he could work it out. After returning from his trip to House Ofthalmós, Hikaze had started spending most of his days running around town asking everyone for odd jobs. He knew he wasn’t going to be paid like an adult, but he could at least start squirrelling some money away for when he left. He’d go around with Itsu and they’d bus tables at the inn, run small errands, or help wrangle Pokémon who were going around causing trouble. At the end of a week, he’d managed to save up a little. He dangled the pouch of clinking coins in front of his face and frowned. Although there were plenty of coins in the pouch, they were mostly all iron, bar a small handful of copper that he could count using his hands. They weren’t going to get him much more than a couple days of food or maybe a night at an inn. He had to find actual work. He glanced over at the egg sitting on his bedside. It was supposed to be Itsu’s sibling, another Charcadet. They weren’t exactly common, so while Hikaze didn’t like the idea, he could probably get a decent chunk of change selling them. His eyes wandered back to Itsu who was looking up at him with a cocked head. Hikaze grimaced. There was no way. He definitely couldn’t sell that egg unless things got really bad. It wouldn’t be fair to Itsu who’s been waiting so patiently to see his little sibling. Hikaze groaned into his blanket. Was this how Esaias had felt about money growing up?

“… I’ll ask Anastasios if there’s anything I can do for his family…”

“I’m going to be gone for a bit.”

“… What?” Their first meeting in two weeks, and this is the first thing the Ofthalmós heir says to him. Not ‘hello’, not ‘how are things’, just a block statement that leaves no room for argument.

“Are you deaf now, in addition to being stupid?” Anastasios asked with the same casualness someone else might ask for the weather with.

“No, I heard you,” Hikaze replied, brushing off his irritation. “It’s just sudden.”

“It’s not sudden, at least not for me. I’ve been planning it for two weeks now.”

“Is it because of that thing with your cousin?”

“Yes. I have a duty as the next patriarch to ensure my family’s safety, so I plan on personally overseeing the plans I’m putting in place.” Although he was a child still, the eyes that looked back at Hikaze were as stalwart and determined as any adult, just like Esaias’ when he’d draw his line in the sand. The man was a coward, but even he had things that he refused to compromise on.

“… I see. So when are you leaving?”

“As soon as I can find a suitable partner to bring with me,” Anastasios replied. “I can’t rely entirely on Celia- rather, I refuse to. My grandfather refused to budge on this, so I have to find a Pokemon partner that I can take along for protecttion. It’ll probably take a week-… Why are you looking at me like that?”

Hikaze rarely had moments of brilliance, but right now, in his opinion, was one of them.

“Are you going to tame anything specific?”

“I mean, no, but we don’t make a habit of keeping a ton of spare Pokémon around at home outside of the ones we use for agriculture, so I’ll have to take the time to tame something wild, and I’m not allowed to carry them around in one of those. It’d stand out too much.”

“What would you say if I said I might have a Pokémon for you?”

“And why would I want it? Isn’t it yours?” Anastasios asked, confused. “And what do you mean ‘might’?”

“So, I have an egg, but I haven’t been able to get it to hatch for me. It’s supposed to be Itsu’s sibling, but even though I gave them the same attention, only Itsu hatched, and it’s been that way for years. I’m not sure what it is, but it’ll never hatch for me, I’ve accepted that. I’ve been reluctant to part with them because they’re Itsu’s sibling, and they deserve to meet at least once. If it’s you, then I know you’ll treat them well, and you know you’ll have their loyalty. Then I can spend the next week helping you train them up.” Anastasios stared at him dubiously.

“Just what do you get out of this?” Anastasios replied. “Pokémon eggs aren’t exactly cheap. I’m honestly dubious as to how a commoner like you came into possession of one, let alone two.”

“Dad said he got them through a work friend,” Hikaze replied. “But, if you want to compensate me, I’d like if you paid me for the work.”

“Money?” Anastasios wrinkled his nose. He was used to Kazuya asking for bizarre favors, not money.

“I need money for my trip. I’ve been taking on odd jobs, but no one pays a kid adult wages. Your family has money, you can pay me enough to get off the ground.” Anastasios stared at him warily for several moments before sighing.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this… Arceus, I must be crazy, but I have a better proposition: come with me.” Anastasios clicked his tongue, irritated with himself, and started tapping his toe. Hikaze replied with a huge, almost taunting, grin.

“Awwwww, you missed me?”

“No such thing!” Anastasios hissed. Welllllll… his face looked angry, but Hikaze was pretty sure he saw a blush on those cheeks. How very Esaias-like. The bristly reply didn’t deter him at all. Hikaze wrapped an arm around his best friend’s shoulders, which earned him a glare that looked fit for a pissed off Meowth, and completely ignored it.

“We’re going to have so much fun!”

“I regret this already…”

#Moirai || Clotho #Hikaze #Anastasios #Return of the Progenitor || Sun!Verse #Clotho || Chapter 2

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inkofamethyst · 1 year

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December 22, 2022

Warning: Anxiety Post. We all knew this was coming.

It’s just that any email in my inbox between now and the beginning of March that isn’t an interview offer or an acceptance is superfluous to me. Now that all of my top ones are submitted (all that’s left is my “safety” which I may not submit until January tbh bc I’d heard that one of my schools could get back to me as soon as January and I’d choose that one over my safety any day, I think), I am officially starting to feel that icky feeling of “what if I don’t get in anywhere, what if everything I did is wrong, what if my only choice is between somewhere I definitely don’t want to go and not going anywhere at all, what if, what if, what if, I’m afraid, I’m so scared, I wish I just knew already” and so on and so forth. But I am going to hold out. Regardless of what happens, I will survive. I refuse to consult admissions forums or subreddits like I have during my past few admission cycles because they only make me more anxious. I just... I hate the wait, you know? And the uncertainty that comes with it. And while there is some comfort in knowing that there are tons of people out there just like you who are in the same boat because misery loves company, miserable, anxious people generally don’t help other miserable people feel all that much better.

And so I wait. And I will have to keep myself busy in the meantime. I will have to find some ways to distract myself into forgetting that my future plans, goals, and dreams are on the line here and that I don’t really have a backup plan lined up and.. hhhhh. (Also I think I should’ve at least mentioned the consortium involved in two of my applications because that was a huge draw for why I was applying there in the first place, but those are also the two places that I.. am the most certain I will not be accepted to, so (they’d be dope schools to attend, don’t get me wrong, but for a variety of reasons I don’t think it will work out (or maybe I’m just being pessimistic disguised as realistic again to save myself from eventual heartache, but, really, who knows)).)

Plus I can’t help but think that maybe I should’ve done something different in this app or that app and maybe I should’ve talked more about why I really liked the school in my statement or maybe I should’ve submitted a copy of my poster as a representation of some of my old work and I just... I’m just so worried. Like I’m structuring my entire Spring around the possibility of interviewing and recruitment days, and it’d be so embarrassing to have none of that happen at all. This ain’t undergrad with an average of 35% acceptance. I’m looking at rates of 1-5% bruh. And if I don’t get in anywhere I have to go back and tell that to my recommenders and I physically don’t know if I can handle that, and it makes me feel sick just thinking about it.

As much as I try to remember that I have great qualifications, fantastic recommenders, and a solid history when it comes to beating the odds of low acceptance rates (for the selective programs with ridiculously low acceptance rates to which I’ve applied, I’ve been accepted an almost unreasonably high percentage of the time), every single time feels like a new, more impossible beast.

But that’s how it’s supposed to be, right? As you become more qualified, the applicant pool around you increases in their qualifications as well. So you know you’re putting up a fight in your application. And your achievements, your selection over other talented candidates, represent not only the fight but the victory. And that’s all I want, really. A victory. Even if it’s a choice between two of my preferred programs, I don’t need all six. The victory wouldn’t feel so amazing if it was easy, would it? So I accept the challenge (I have no choice at this point). I accept the challenge and pray for the best.

And if it doesn’t work out this go round, I have plenty that I can evaluate and improve up for the next go round. Ideally, a year of setback won’t put me out of the running.

Today I’m thankful for all As this semester. I’m thankful for my ecoanth prof who was far more lenient than she should have been but her goal was fully for us to learn in whatever way worked best for us and I can respect that. I’m thankful for my easy archaeology class where all I did most days was show up and lazily scribble notes. I’m thankful for my evolution class where there were so many opportunities to actively engage with the material (and gain points) before taking the exams that I never felt too worried about keeping a good overall grade. I’m thankful for my popgen class where I learned! so! much! about genetics and computer modeling and I wish I could take another class with that prof in particular, he was probably the best prof I’ve had at this university (closely followed by my biochem 1 prof, I’d think). I’m thankful for devbio, a class I only took because I needed it to fulfill a requirement and I didn’t think I’d care about it at all, but it introduced me to a whole new field in biology which I actually might want to explore more if I’m offered the opportunity.

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lazarus-hope-project · 2 years

Text

the white snake || atsu & atusko || trial 6.8 || re: mikoko, naoya

As is typical of when Mikoko speaks, Atsu looks absolutely and utterly annoyed by what comes out of the other’s mouth while Atsuko just gazes with her typical general disgruntledness. Her fingers still tap against the desk, though their rhythm has sped up, and a twitch has popped up with one of her eyes.

“Are you quite done?”

And at the same time:

“You’re picking now of all times to have your moral high horse rant? Would you get off it? You aren’t getting shit from me.”

Both Atsukos speak before looking at each other, having a moment of heated glaring between themselves, and then promptly huffing and looking away with some muttering about the other under their breath.

Atsuko speaks first.

“I just told you: you all would be considered perfected when you all stopped acting up with violence and all that. The data was just going to be used here to refine you all further. The Vivarium has nothing to do with this or that or you. I had no plans with that place--if I wanted to restart society anywhere, it certainly wouldn’t be there. What, so CF could immediately get their fucking hands on everything I worked for and they laughed at? Please. Forget about it.

As for your questions…Naoya, was it? Fascinating. Anyway. Yes, I did expect to get perfect results from it eventually. If you work hard enough at something, put in enough time and sweat and blood, then something will eventually come of it. Like drawing water from a rock. It sounds like an impossible task, but, well, hidden within that cliffside is a natural spring that you just have to chisel into. Moreau would eventually be molded, just like all of you, into a perfect person. They would become the perfect addition to society given time.”

When the finger is quite literally pointed at Atsu, she tenses up and looks away, closing her eyes. She knew she would have to explain this eventually because someone would bring it up sooner or later, but she’d been hoping it would be later. Much later. Perhaps years later. Alone. Not in front of everyone.

“I didn’t know the boundaries of the rule. I didn’t know what I could or couldn’t say or what would or wouldn’t count. Would not putting up an argument count as willfully revealing the identity? Would staying silent count? Would nodding my head count? I had faith in you people to figure it out; seriously, how difficult would it be to pinpoint the one person obsessive enough to stick with a sinking ship for 60 years, huh? How hard could it possibly be?

“Then, you all started accusing Clement, and I, for the first time, felt angry at how similar we can be. He’s the one person here who I have faith wouldn’t…want to do something like this, even when pushed to the brink, and yet we share similar ideals. I didn’t want to let him continue to be hounded by accusations that were substanceless if you just didn’t listen to the weak lies I’d told earlier.

“As for you trying to act like those were the greatest lies I’ve ever told: if they were meant to hold up, then they would have. However, if you’ll please note since you love being selectively blind, I named the people who were in that email, and my argument about it being me and Cyril was immediately broken down, leaving us with the two most probable names. You’re welcome. You’ll also note that my lie about chiding about language? Naoya-kun explained precisely the situation where I would tell my son to watch his language: a recorded conversation where saying the wrong thing could mean trouble. Did I lie? Yes. Was there immediately an argument given for why my lie wasn’t the best defense? Also yes.

Too long, didn’t listen: I didn’t really try. Did I lie? Yes. Was it to save my own skin because I was scared of dying for the second time today? Yes. Plus, it’s not like I knew if I would immediately get jumped for being the clone or not either. Do you know how many people in this room are armed? Probably over half. Even if the rule didn’t get me, how could I be certain that one of you wouldn’t? It was selfish self-preservation, pure and simple. I didn’t want to die, and I thought you all would fully zero in on me, but then you picked both of us, and…”

What a horrid question to have to answer, that last one. She looks down at their intertwined hands and swallows roughly.

“No. I didn’t. I’m a coward, pure and simple.”

#trial 6 #atsuko

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wonderful-writes · 3 years

Text

Presume

Pairing: Tom Riddle x Fem!Reader

Summary: Tom thinks you’re too pretty to be any good at academics. You can imagine his shock when he’s proven wrong.

Word Count: 2k (2,097)

Author’s Note: The idea for this fic was given to me by @bellaswansrealgf. It was such a fun topic to write, so thank you so much bae for coming up with the idea! I’ll definitely be using more of your suggestions in the future.

Tom Riddle found himself becoming increasingly irritated. How could Professor Slughorn possibly expect him to work with a partner? What kind of fool did Slughorn think he was? Tom was perfectly capable of completing his project himself, and it was rather insulting for his professor to assign someone to help him. And not just anyone. Slughorn had assigned you.

You, the pretty girl, were in no capacity an ideal partner. You were friendly and charming and surely too bubble-headed to know a thing about potions. You were probably irritating and selfish and vain, too. Tom would have rather been partnered up with the clown from Gryffindor than with you.

“Tom, right?” you asked as you took a seat next to him. You were dressed in neat robes and had nicely styled hair. You probably spent all morning on it.

“Yes,” he replied curtly without so much as a glance your way. He began flipping his textbook to the desired page and scanning it with his eyes.

“I’m Y/N,” you introduced.

Tom ignored you as he continued to read the page.

“So, what kind of potion do you think we should make?” you asked him, opening your own book.

Once again, Tom didn’t bother to look up or respond.

“Hello?” you tried again.

He let out an exasperated sigh. “Listen, I know potions is probably not your area of expertise, so it’s best if you just sit there and let me work.”

“Excuse me?” you asked, surprised at how this stranger could claim to already know you without having ever spoken to you. “How would you know if I’m not good at potions?”

Tom scoffed. “If you haven’t noticed, you don’t exactly look like you’d be much of an academic.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you questioned, starting to get offended.

“Well, I’m the best in the class,” Tom said like it was the most natural thing to come out of his mouth. “Professor Slughorn probably sent you here so that I could babysit you. You can’t be any good if you need me as a mentor.”

“I don’t need you as a mentor,” you told him. “Professor Slughorn wanted us to work together for this assignment.”

“Like I said,” he replied, turning back to his book, “maybe you should let me handle the assignment.”

You were beyond aggravated. How could someone who barely knows you make such assumptions about you? You were more than adept in potions, and it was unfair of him to shut you down without letting you prove your skills.

“You realize this assignment is worth 25% of our grade, don’t you?” you asked him as you crossed your arms.

“Precisely,” he answered. “Which is why I won’t let you mess it up.”

You had never met a more arrogant person.

“If you’re going to be this way,” you declared, “I’ll just ask Slughorn if I can work alone. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience the great Tom Riddle.”

Tom breathed a sigh of relief as you packed your belongings and walked away. You were attractive, sure, but you were also annoying. He was glad to be rid of anyone who didn’t let him take charge.

Slughorn allowed the two of you to work separately. To Tom’s approval, you set up your station far away from his. He almost pitied you. It couldn’t be easy for someone like you to complete an entire project by yourself. People like you only cared about their appearances or what the latest gossip was. There was no way you could make any of the complicated potions on the list of options for the assignment without help.

By the end of the week, Slughorn had finished grading the students’ potions and their accompanying essays. Tom, ever so confident in his abilities, was shocked when he didn’t receive a perfect score.

“What did I do wrong, Professor?” he asked after class had been dismissed. “I could have sworn I didn’t miss anything.”

“You forgot to crush the bay leaves before you put them in,” Slughorn explained. “But not to worry, my boy. You chose a highly complex concoction. It is almost guaranteed that any student who attempts to recreate it will forget at the very least one step.”

“Did anyone else choose that potion?” Tom wondered.

Slughorn nodded with a twinkle in his eye.

“And did anyone get it right?” Tom asked. He was doubtful that anyone in the class could have succeeded at something he failed to perfect, but it didn’t hurt to ask.

“That’s for me to know, my boy,” the teacher answered. Seeing the frustrated look on Tom’s face, he chuckled and added, “Just know that you shouldn’t judge your partners so prematurely.”

Tom spent the majority of the night ruminating on Slughorn’s words. Could it be that you were the student who had gotten the perfect score on the potion he had attempted? He refused to believe it. Slughorn must have been referring to another student, one that Tom was paired with in the past. You couldn’t possibly be the partner in question.

It had been weeks since Tom came in second for the first time in his life. He convinced himself that it couldn’t have been you who bested him. Of course, he speculated who the true victor could be, but he couldn’t put his finger on who in the class could be worthy of such high marks.

Eventually, the time came for the annual examination preparation. Professor Slughorn’s students were assigned a series of practice exams to help them prepare for the actual ones. Each practice test focused on a different area within potions, and it was the students’ job to be well-versed in all of them.

At the beginning of every week, a new practice exam was passed out, and the grades for the previous week’s exam was posted on a roster at the front of the class.

Tom never bothered with making a show of checking his grades, knowing fully well that he would always be at the head of the class. But with the newfound knowledge of a possible competitor, he couldn’t quell his curiosity.

Making his way to the front of the room with the usual throng of Slytherin boys, he displayed no sign of concern. Why should the best in the year have to worry about some halfwit who ran into a bit of luck one time?

His air of indifference was quickly squashed, however, when he approached the posted practice exam scores and saw that his was the second highest. Second? That couldn’t be right. Tom Riddle never came in second. Who was first? Who could feasibly best Tom Riddle at a potions examination? The most brilliant student in all of Hogwarts, and in his best subject too?

He was horrified beyond comparison when he saw none other than your name at the pinnacle of the score sheet.

You.

Impossible. There was no chance that the bubbly girl with the face of an angel, er, a moron, could ever have received such excellent marks.

He’d seen you around, and you were most definitely not the kind of girl who cared about your performance in school. You were always smiling with your friends or tucking your hair behind your ear or dazzling a crowd with an extraordinary story. When you weren’t smoothing down your clothes or checking your made-up face, you were befriending the professors, something only stupid people needed to do.

So how could you have gotten a higher score than him? There must have been a mistake. He would have to ask Slughorn about it after class.

As he walked back to his seat, he glanced at where you were positioned, a table not too far from his own. You had already started on your assignment for the day, making quick work of the cutting and crushing of ingredients. Sure enough, you were dripping with the grace and beauty of someone who most likely didn’t know the difference between reed and foxtail.

How could one possibly be proficient in any academic subject when they looked like that? You probably spent more time shining your shoes than studying for exams. Then how did you beat him, and twice?

He watched you work for the remainder of the period. To his surprise, you were doing everything correctly. You never added a drop too much or a sprig too little. You stirred with precision and knew what color to look for in the brew. You seemed to know exactly what you were doing. Were you truly more intelligent than he had originally presumed?

Still unconvinced, he approached Professor Slughorn after dismissal to question the scores from the most recent exam.

Slughorn only sent him a mysterious look before answering, “Everything is as it should.”

After the third week of coming in second place, Tom decided that it was enough. It was time he put his troubles to rest and find out for himself what sort of witchcraft was in play.

“Are you cheating?” he abruptly asked you the moment you took your seat. Professor Slughorn was not yet in class, giving the students ample time to converse before lessons began.

Startled, you stared back at him. “What?”

“You must be receiving help on your practice exams or at the very least borrowing notes from someone,” he stated matter-of-factly. “So tell me. Who is it?”

You had had enough of this arrogant git’s behavior. “What makes you think I need help? Is it so hard to believe that you are not the only person in this room who can do well in school?”

“Well I- you see, you’re not exactly the sort to put much thought to academics,” he defended.

“And what sort is that?” you questioned.

“You know, the vain, pretty lot,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’d imagine you spend more time on your appearance than on your academics.”

You gaped at the boy before you. “You think I’m pretty? And before you go on, my appearance has nothing to do with my drive to excel in scholarly affairs. I’ll have you know I’m more than capable of receiving just as good of marks as you are, despite what you think.”

“Then work with me on today’s partner project,” he challenged.

“Excuse me?” The last thing you were expecting was for the high-and-mighty Tom Riddle to want anything to do with you after his blatant rudeness.

“If you’re truly as good as you say—”

“You mean as good as the scores prove,” you cut in.

Tom rolled his eyes. “If you’re really that good, show me. Demonstrate your skills on today’s potion, and I’ll believe you.”

So the two of you spent the class working together on the assigned potion. Tom made sure to stand back so that you could have the freedom to do things on your own, silently hoping that you would make a mistake. But you didn’t.

Your potion was perfect. There was not an herb out of place or a drop not potent enough. Everything was as it should.

You had clearly proven to Tom that you were a skilled student, worthy of his second glance. You only hoped that the self-righteous twat would realize not to judge people before knowing them.

“While I hate to admit my own shortcomings, you were right,” Tom conceded.

You smiled at his admittance. “Thanks, Tom. I’m glad you learned something from this experience.”

He had expected to feel more disdain at the fact that he had finally found his match. He was waiting for annoyance, jealousy, some spark of rage at being second-best. But all he felt was a strange sensation.

You were quite honestly brilliant, and he couldn’t remember a time when he genuinely thought that about a fellow student. You were quick-witted, sharp-tongued, and unafraid to back down from a challenge. You stood up to him despite barely knowing anything about him, other than that he was a royal pain to you. And, not to mention, you were quite a sight to behold.

It was no secret that Tom kept to himself more often than not. Sure, he had a group of peers who respected him — whether out of fear or genuine liking is up for debate — but he never got to know anyone on a personal level. He never let anyone get too close or see him for someone other than the shining pupil with big plans. But, for once, he wanted someone to share his genius with.

He intended to make you that person.

—

Part 2

#tom riddle x y/n #tom riddle fluff #tom riddle x you #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle #tom riddle fanfiction

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therealvinelle · 3 years

Note

How do you believe Carlisle feels about Esme? How would their break up go? Would he ever cheat on her? I mean like emotionally?

He loves her.

I don’t doubt that his feelings for Esme are genuine, that he respects and cherishes her and wishes to spend his life with her. Esme, too, worships the man.

My complete lack of faith in this ship comes from the fact that they’re together for the wrong reasons and not compatible.

The Bad Beginning

Carlisle had spent centuries searching for likeminded, he never did. In the end he succumbs and starts creating his own, first Edward and then Esme, and to his joy they both agree to do the diet.

Esme’s transformation was entirely an impulse on his end. He saw this delightful, vivacious young woman he’d known ten years ago lie broken and dying in the morgue, a Jane Doe declared dead, she was all too easy to steal. She was too far gone for him to have time to think it over, and so he went «alright let’s do this. I imagine it seemed rather like God had sent her to that morgue specifically. We learn from Midnight Sun that romance wasn’t on his mind at all (even if it was, that wouldn’t make their marriage more functional) and he expected nothing of her. He bit her because he didn’t want Esme Platt to die.

Esme, of course, wakes up into this new life under surreal, heavenly circumstances. Her child is still dead - but here is the mythic, pedestaled Dr. Cullen, now her savior and more wonderful than ever. To back myself up with the books:

Esme had already been in love with Carlisle—much to his shock—but not through any mystical, magical means. She’d met Carlisle as a girl and, drawn to his gentleness, wit, and otherworldly beauty, formed an attachment that had haunted her for the rest of her human years. Life had not been kind to Esme, and so it was not surprising that this golden memory of a good man had never been supplanted in her heart. After the burning torment of transformation, when she’d awakened to the face of her long-cherished dream, her affections were entirely his. (Midnight Sun, chapter Bloodtype)

Carlisle, on his end, hadn’t had the idea at all until Edward said “Dude, she’s into you, go for it.”

I’d been on hand to caution Carlisle about her unforeseen reaction. He’d expected that she would be shocked by her transformation, traumatized by the pain, horrified by what she’d become, much as I had been. He’d expected to have to explain and apologize, to soothe and to atone. He knew there was a good chance that she would have preferred death, that she would despise him for the choice made without her knowledge or consent. So the fact that she had been immediately prepared to join this life—not really the life, but to join him—was not something he was ready for.

He’d never seen himself as a possible object of romantic love before that moment. It seemed contrary to what he was—a vampire, a monster. The knowledge I gave him changed the way he looked at Esme, the way he looked at himself.

More than that, it was very a powerful thing, choosing to save someone. It was not a decision any sane individual made lightly. (sic)

I’m not entirely void of authorial intent - I get that this was supposed to be romcom where the cute nerdy guy has no idea the girl is interested.

But, what I see is that after centuries of being alone, never finding anybody who shared his values, Carlisle finally has these two people who share his ideals, the only two in the world. He’s had countless friends, but it never worked out because of that damn diet. But, now he has these two people, and one of them is a beautiful, kind, wonderful woman who’s in love with him.

I imagine falling for Esme was easy. It was just so perfect, simply by being Carlisle Cullen he could make her happier than any other man, and given their shared diet, he wanted her by his side always, just as he did Edward. And this was it for him, really, to Carlisle Cullen Esme might as well be the only woman in the world because she’s the only one who'll share his lifestyle. He also felt responsible for her.

I don’t at all doubt their sincerity or affection for one another.

However, they did not fall for each other for each other’s sakes. Esme fell for the ideal since childhood, and Carlisle fell because she was perfect. Stick them in an AU and it won’t happen.

The Slippery Slope

Where they run into trouble is firstly that Esme doesn’t share these ideals, nor value human life for its own sake. Now, I’m not asking her to be a saint - but over the course of these books we had some lapses that I find pretty damning.

She wanted Edward back in Forks, when this would almost certainly mean the death of Bella Swan, simply because to Esme having Edward nearby > a person’s life. This wasn’t the case for Carlisle, he made it extremely clear he wanted Edward to leave.

During the “Kill Bella?” vote, she was in favor of whatever meant Edward would stay.

Carlisle, having failed to get anywhere with talking sense into Edward, sends him home to his mother for an intervention. What happens next is that Esme gives Edward her blessing to eat the delicious girl if he wants to. Now, we can’t know specifically the talk Carlisle and Esme had before this, but I can’t imagine it was this. Also, damn, what a miscommunication.

Esme simply doesn’t have a problem with the deaths of individual humans, and she will put her loved ones above all other things, even if it’s a minor inconvenience. Keeping Bella alive only becomes her priority after Edward makes it clear he wants this.

Now, Carlisle’s standards have been worn down over the centuries, he just wants his family to try not to eat people on purpose, that’s how low the bar is. Tragically for his marriage, Esme is stumbling over said bar.

The further trouble they run into is that I don’t think they’re very compatible people.

Esme means well, but she’s peculiar, to put it extremely nicely. Her ambition in life is to LARP the human life, right down to being a master chef of something her species can’t eat, which could be sweet if she did other things. She doesn’t, the closest she gets is designing homes for her family. There’s being single-minded, and then there’s Esme, who appears to have honed herself into someone who exists only to be the housewife.

This leads to bizarre behavior - for instance in Midnight Sun when Edward has realized he’s in love, he sits around laughing to himself like a lunatic while playing the piano. Something happens with Rosalie, who runs out of the house in humiliation. Esme, responding to all this, gives her infamous “the best and brightest of us all” pep talk.

It’s just such a weird scene, even accounting for the inhumanity of Twilight vampires this is weird.

Mostly, thought, it is Esme’s interests and desires in life that I find so at odds with Carlisle’s. She wants to be an improved human, living the shinier, better, life without actually embracing the inhumanity of vampirism, while Carlisle is doing the human thing because he wants to be a doctor and save lives. Before that, he was travelling the world, living with normal vampires, using his eternity to study and pursue meaning in life. Now, they end up in the same place, with similar goals - wanting to blend in with humans - but the motivation is the polar opposite.

Which in turn means that as the world turns and their lives inevitably change, the way they live will have to change. This will spell trouble.

There’s also me having a strong suspicion these two don’t have much of a physical relationship, if any. Meyer specifically referred to their relationship as spiritual, and that fits the vibe we get from them in the books. Quite notably, Rosalie and Emmett were impossible to be around when they were newlyweds, while Carlisle and Esme weren’t a problem at all.

Not to mention what Esme longed for all those years was very much an ideal of a man, which to me doesn’t immediately point to a very physical attraction.

The Penultimate Peril

Would he cheat on her, you ask. Answer is yes, they’re both cheating emotionally with Edward. No.

He’s with her because he wants to be, and feels responsible for her. More, developing the kinds of feelings necessary for an emotional affair isn’t really on the table for him, since everyone else in the world is either a. one of his kids or the Denali, b. an unrepentant man-eating demon. So, unless Tanya’s feeling frisky, Carlisle doesn’t have anybody to cheat with.

(I’m here defining an emotional affair, which as I understand it is a bit hard to define, as a romantic, but non-physical entanglement. The cheating party has to know their partner wouldn’t be cool with it for it to count in my eyes.)

As for physically cheating on her, nope. God no, not ever. Unless something really convoluted like the plot of Blue Moon unfolded, but that’s really more a case of Esme pimping out her husband to her daughter-in-law, so everyone’s to blame here.

The end

I think the breakup can happen in any number of ways, but I think either way it will be sudden.

These two aren’t going to go “you know, I think we’ve grown apart” because Esme would never acknowledge that nevermind walk up to Carlisle and say it, and if Carlisle realized things aren’t working he’d still want to stick it out for her sake.

I think it’ll be sudden, it’ll happen as the immovable object that is them is hit by an unstoppable force. One will go someplace the other can’t follow. Maybe when the Cullen coven splits down the middle, and they’re on each their own side of the chasm, or maybe some other cause entirely.

It’ll devastate them both, but given the people these two are, I think it’s inevitable.

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen #carlisle/esme #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #hope you all think the header theme was as funny as i did #a series of unfortunate events aka-#Anonymous #ask

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sweeethinny · 3 years

Text

Emerald Eyes

Summary: After Lily Evans kisses him, James needs help to figure out what to do in that situation. And who better to help him and Sirius with relationship issues if not his dad?

Notes: I was reading @startanewdream's fanfic Exist Song (For Film) when she wrote about a song that spoke of emerald eyes.

I remembered the song Claudia by Finneas, and needed to write about Jily's first kiss, and somehow get Fleamont involved.

I don't think I've ever read a fanfic where he helps James and Sirius with relationship issues, so I wrote it! I know James only becomes prefect in seventh year, but I needed him to become sixth, to make sense of the story.

sue me

AO3

-------

James was fine about just being friends with Lily, really, he was up for it and he liked being friends with her. Of course, he still thought about kissing her and, dammit, sometimes dreamed of her with her clothes off and couldn't look her in the eye for the next three days. But overall, he was fine with his old crush.

Everything was fine, it was just a crush, he would get over it.

He liked other girls over the last few years, liked hanging out with them, kissing them, and there was one muggle girl that James really thought was going to be something more serious - he even lost his virginity to her. But things didn't go as it should and life went on. Sirius comforted him that his crush on Lily was probably because he idealized her in a way that it was now difficult for him to like other girls, but that James needed to let go of the 'what ifs' and move on.

James tried, he swears he did.

But when Lily Evans kissed him on the train back to King Cross, after a prefect meeting where James was trying not to sleep, things completely fell apart for him.

When he got back to his friends, James felt very lost, and Remus even asked if he was alright, but all James could do was nod and touch his lips in fear that the feeling of Evans' soft, sweet lips would go away and he realized it was a dream.

As much as he had dreamed very hot things about Lily, they never kissed, so James wasn't prepared for it at all, he was just imagining it was supposed to be good. But it wasn't just good, it was stupidly good.

So good that he spent all the traveling hours remembering. And when they arrived at the station, he could only think of meeting Lily to say that he thought he was in love. Was this possible?

"Mate?" Sirius asked, following him out of the wagon. '’Did something happen at the meeting?'’

"No, I-" James saw her, which automatically made him forget all the words his parents had taught him, suddenly his brain shutting down and only caring about one thing; Lily Evans.

James didn't know what to do, if he was going to talk to her or not, if he waved, if he called her, if he shouted for everyone to hear that she kissed him… James wanted there to be a manual on how to deal with this situation, because he felt so lost and it was stupid.

There was no time to do anything however, the students were hurrying to leave and pushed James who had been standing in the middle of the corridor, while Lily blushed and smiled awkwardly, giving the boys a wave and then getting off the train.

Should that mean something? Why didn't she talk to him?!

''Come on James, I want to go home.'' Peter complained, making him wake up from his reverie and follow them outside, knowing Sirius was watching him with the eyes of an eagle, and that probably Remus too, but very more discreet.

After they said their goodbyes and headed off to find his parents, Sirius whispered, never bending over or making it sound like he was whispering, "You kissed her, didn't you?"

"She did it." James swallowed, still completely shocked. "Best kiss of my life, I must say."

"Fuck, James." Sirius shook his head, walking faster and accepting Euphemia's hug as James greeted his dad with a longing hug.

"Are you two okay?" Monti asked, a hand in James' hair and an all-too-knowing look that made him think his dad had heard, by some miracle, what Sirius had said. Fleamont always seemed to know everything.

"Yes, perfect." Sirius smiled. ‘’Right, James?’’

‘’Yes, more perfect than this impossible.’’

[...]

That night, after Euphemia left for the annual florist dinner she always went to, Fleamont called James and Sirius down to the dungeons, where he had finished brewing another beer. James knew his dad wasn't an idiot and he knew the two of them had already been drinking in hiding there on several occasions, but he liked that they were now considered old enough to be able to go there without having to dodge.

"So, how were things at school this year?" his dad asked, pouring some beer into each of their glasses, sitting on the wooden bench he and Sirius had helped to assemble last summer. "Any news?" Fleamont lingered at James, but then smiled at Sirius and glared at him too.

"Yeah, I think I'm liking someone," Sirius said, and then looked at the glass of beer in front of him on the pine table.

''You think? How can this be? Either you are, or you aren't.” Fleamont didn't seem to judge him, that gentle smile that had James spilling so much of his secrets over the past few years to his dad for help.

"She's a little complicated," Sirius ran a hand through his hair, taking a sip of his beer. ‘’ She says she doesn't want anything, but then she gets mad when I talk to another girl? I don't know, I like her, I just don't know how… you know?’’

"No." James didn't know how Sirius still hadn't learned to never do that to his dad. Fleamont would never say what he thought you meant, even if he was sure what it was, he would always make you talk.

‘’How to tell her.’’ It was funny and almost frightening how Sirius looked like someone else when he arrived at his house. There he didn't have to pretend anything or be an asshole to draw attention, his parents were always willing to listen to him, just like they did with James and that's probably why he always seemed very comfortable telling things to Fleamont, like now.

"Well, I think you two are friends at least?" Sirius nodded. ‘’So, be honest with her. What do you have to lose?''

‘’Her friendship? Humiliate me? Do you hate me, Monti?’’

"Sirius, don't talk like that," Fleamont stood up, a little slower than he used to when James was younger, but still quick for a man of nearly sixty. "When I told Mia I liked her," He floated a pot of potato chips off the top of one of the cupboards, like he did after James had behaved himself and helped him clean the yard. ‘’I felt like I might pass out at any moment, I was in a cold sweat… We were in front of her house, at night, after I took her on a date,’’

''I hope you were respectful Monti, I don't want to be disappointed in you when I found out you took her to a dodgy bar.'' Sirius joked, making James laugh along with him, knowing he'd just done it to make himself feel less nervous.

Sirius did this whenever someone was paying attention to him and actually treating him as an equal, James had noticed this over the years.

"Of course not, we went to a fair near her house," Fleamont sat back down, putting a portion of the potatoes into a smaller pot. ''Anyway, at the end of the night, I knew I needed to tell her that I loved her, which today I think was a silly thing, because I didn't even know what love was yet,'' He shrugged, a smile on his face. "I was young and Mia was, and still is, the most beautiful woman I've ever met, I felt I couldn't let her go without knowing it."

"She said she liked you too?" James asked, and for the first time he was interested in that story. His dad looked at him with that look that said he knew exactly why James was paying attention, but he didn't say anything.

"No, and it made me very angry and humiliated." He glanced at Sirius, who raised his eyebrows as if proving a point. ''But I wasn't fair to her, Mia was just being truthful, but I was too young to understand that sometimes things just don't happen at the right time... A few weeks later, I met her at a family dinner and we talked, and she said she didn't love me, but she liked me.'' He shrugged. "I think she loves me these days, I mean we're married and we have a family." Sirius chuckled.

"How did you know she was the right one?" James asked, looking at his half-finished beer. "I mean, let's assume," Monti nodded, paying attention to what he said as if it were the most interesting thing. ‘’If you had dated other people and so did she, how would you know she was the right person?’’

“Hm… wouldn't know, son.” Fleamont shrugged, pouring himself more beer. ‘’And I didn't know then either. Just happened.''

"I asked Hestia out," Sirius admitted, and not even James knew it, so he turned his head to his friend with an almost incriminating look, but it was gone as soon as he saw the annoyed smile on his lips. ‘’But she didn't want to go, so… I guess she's ashamed of me? I don't know, she's really smart and a good girl, I don't think she wants to be seen with a guy like me.”

“A guy like you?” Fleamont grabbed some chips.

"Monti, no need to pretend you don't know," Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't have a good family, and you've had to sign a lot of letters because of my detentions."

‘’Hm… yeah, you're right about the detentions, but the family? Sirius, you are not a reflection of your parents' mistakes. Maybe she doesn't want to go out with you right now, and maybe, most likely, you aren't even the problem at all. Who can guarantee us that she… Hestia, right? That Hestia isn't going through a difficult time where she doesn't really know how to deal with this sort of thing, and just needs some time? You're not always the villain in the story, son, actually you never were.'' Sirius looked like he wanted to deny it, James noticed how his brow furrowed, but it eased as Fleamont pushed the pot of chips towards him, a fatherly smile at the lips that seemed to make Sirius' beast fall back to the ground like a trained dog.

James thought of Lily, the things he'd witnessed over the past few months and how she seemed to be dealing with a lot more than that these past few days. He still remembered how sad she looked when she read a letter that had come to her from her mum. James didn't ask what was written, of course, but he tried to make her smile for the rest of the day and during their patrol, hating that her brow was so furrowed.

The war was getting worse, a lot of people were dying, and the mini death eaters were really putting into practice what they had been learning in the last few years. It was frustrating, to say the least, that Dumbledore did nothing to stop sixteen-year-olds from getting their arms marked by Voldemort.

He wished he could help her, not just because now that spark of feeling inside his chest had become a scorch of acres and would leave a huge footprint inside him, but because James really cared about her before anything else.

"Dad, um…" James began, not quite sure how to speak, or what. ‘’Can we install a muggle phone?’’

"Of course," Fleamont smiled, just as he had smiled at Sirius. ‘’And you son, how was school?’’

‘’Well, I… Nothing too important but… it was a good year. There haven't been a lot of detentions this year, so I think it's a win.” He joked, just because it was a little weird talking about it with his dad.

"But he wanted to be dating," Sirius nudged, pouring more beer into his glass.

“Oh, is that that muggle girl?” Fleamont at least looked away, spending more time than necessary picking out some chips to eat. James mentally thanked him.

"No, and Sirius doesn't know what he's talking about." James rolled his eyes, wanting to push him off the stool. ‘’I decided that this year I will dedicate myself to studies.’’

"Oh James, you don't have to lie to your old man so much like that, it's okay, your mum isn't here so come on, tell me, what can I help you with?"

"It's her again, Monti," Sirius reveals, as if he doesn't say much.

James wanted to kill him now.

‘’Evans? Oh, son, are we still in it? When will I meet her? I'm starting to imagine you guys invented her because it's been almost five years since I first heard her name and never saw her.” Sirius and his dad laugh together, watching James blush like a fool. ‘’What happened this time? I thought you had raised a white flag for her… Is it because of her that you want to install the phone?’’

‘’It's just… She has family issues, and I think she's going to be alone this vacation since Marlene has traveled and Hestia too, so… I just thought about trying to call her. She gave me her phone number before classes ended, and I think it might cheer her up, I don't know, we're friends and I don't want to-’’

‘’Mate, you kissed her today, what kind of friendship is this?’’

''I wasn't the one who kissed her, she was the one who came at me, and for Merlin's sake, can't you shut up?!'' Fleamont doesn't intervene in the boys' discussion, seeming to enjoy it, and James almost took back everything he said and ran to his room to hide under the covers, but his dad seemed to notice this and became serious again.

"James," he said, in a warning tone but still with the shadow of a smile on his face. "It's kind of you to worry about her like that, anyway, but I think Sirius is right, I don't believe there are friendships where people kiss."

‘'She didn't even talk to me about it later, she just… ran away, leaving me alone. I don't think she even wanted to do that or I’m a bad kisser.'’

‘’It is a possibility, for sure,’’

"Even more if we think you ate that plum candy before the meeting, which smells disgusting." Sirius grimaced.

"But, you even said, she's having problems at home, and like I told Sirius, it's not all about you. She probably doesn't know what to do or say either, and is afraid of ruining the friendship… The best thing to do is ask her what it means, but knowing that maybe the answer will hurt you. It's a risk you take.” James nodded, looking at the beer kegs near the wall, and then down to his own glass again. "We'll install the phone and you'll call her, maybe that doesn't encourage Sirius to be less fearful and send Hestia a letter." Fleamont smiled. "There's nothing to lose, for either of you, just tell them how you feel."

''Haha! He would die before he did that, you know what he did last month?’’ James grinned vengefully, dodging Sirius' hand that tried to cover his mouth as his dad laughed at them both.

[...]

''OK.''

"Potter, just do it."

"Padfoot, what if she curses me-"

''She is not going.''

‘’ But she can. ’’

‘’Call her for fucking sake!’’

"Quiet or my mum will listen, and she doesn't need to know we can swear." James took a deep breath, the crumpled paper in his hands trembling as he noted the number written there, then looked at the buttons on the phone.

The man who came to install it had explained to them how it worked, but James was so nervous he'd forgotten all about it.

"Just dial!" Sirius cried for the umpteenth time, sitting beside him in the armchair, a Muggle magazine in his hands.

"Mum will kill you if she sees this." James pointed at the five women in bikinis, in very indecent positions for a rock magazine.

''Shut up Potter, and call her or I'll do it.'’ James huffed, rolling his eyes and looking at the numbers again.

Okay, he could do that.

Yes, just do it, James.

"Hello?" Evans' sweet voice sounded from the other end, it didn't sound much like her, it was a little more harsh and hurt than James used to hear, but it was definitely her. He tried to picture her by the phone, probably wearing a T-shirt from some muggle band he didn't know but would try to learn about just to impress her.

"Hello… Lily?"

“James?” Her voice radiated happiness then, as if she were grinning from ear to ear. His stomach turned over. ''Is that you?''

"Yes, yes it's me." Sirius chuckled softly, patting him on the shoulder and walking out of the room, probably so James would feel more comfortable being a lovesick fool. ''How are you?''

‘’I'm fine, I… how did you call me? Did you buy a phone?

"It was something my dad had wanted for a long time, so it was pretty easy to convince him." James grinned. “I just called to…um…just to say I like you, Evans. I really like it, and maybe you don't feel that way, and I know things aren't easy, but I really care about you, and if you don't… like me, that's fine, I'll understand. But ever since you kissed me I… I keep thinking about you, and I keep thinking about kissing you again, so I called just to tell you that… I like you a lot, Lily.'' James took a deep breath, feeling as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

Lily took a while to speak, which made him a little, very, nervous, and James even considered hanging up the phone and never using it again, but he remembered what his dad had said about listening to what she had to say and not rush.

"I…I like you too, James." He could hear her smile, even though her voice was a little quieter now. "I can't stop thinking about you and our kiss, either." His cheeks would tear. ‘’And… would you like to go out with me? For a date?’’

"Evans, I think if you asked me to jump off a bridge right now, I would." She laughed, one of the most beautiful sounds James had ever heard in his life. ''Yes I do.''

‘’Great, I… I need to turn it off now because Petunia is taking a shower and if I take too long the water will be cold and she won't leave me alone anymore, but-’’

"I'll call you later," James said before she even asked. He didn't lie when he said he would do anything for her, and if that meant talking to her on the phone overnight, he would. It was so much better than a letter, it took less time, and there was also the fact that he could hear her voice. It couldn't be better. "See you later, Lily."

"See you, James."

#jily #my fic #james x lily #marauders era #james potter #lily evans

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cancerjupiter · 3 years

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moon in capricorn: observations

The Moon is said to be in its detriment in Capricorn because the sign is opposite the sign of Cancer, the Moon's natural home. This means that the emotional side of your life could be a little suppressed. Whatever you appear to be on the outside, inwardly you are sensitive, vulnerable and shy, especially where your personal feelings are concerned.

Even if you have an extroverted sign on your Ascendant, you will be shy when you are young; but later in life you will cover this up with a layer of polish. Inwardly you are rather deep and hard to get to know.

You have an inner strength that enables you to survive almost anything, plus give you the tenacity and determination which allows you to finish whatever you start.

You learn self-control early in life and feel that life is an actually serious thing. You have the feeling that you should work to build up your finances while you are young, so you can relax and enjoy the results later on (cap moons usually live a long time, so you’re right about that).

You need security. Your idea of hell would be to depend on others, because you hate to be a burden or to suffer the “embarrassment” of having to ask for help. You are resourceful and hard-working, but could be shady for the sake of a goal.

Your serious nature is lightened by a dry and witty sense of humour. You don't enjoy hurtful jokes about others, but you see the world in an off-beat way which those who enjoy your sense of humour will find hilarious.

Rules and methods come easily to you, whether they be mathematical, engineering, or the pattern made by a series of music notes or dance steps. You wouldn’t like a risky and unstable job, but it depends on the rest of your chart.

The most important aspect of your life is probably your relationship with your family. You are very caring, and you take your responsibilities towards them very seriously. You are dependable and faithful in relationships, and will try to make almost any kind of situation work. Your work may occasionally come between you and your family.

Lunar Capricorns can find it difficult to form relationships because of shyness, but the intensity of this problem would depend on the type of Ascendant and Sun sign which you have; nevertheless, you are easily hurt and embarrassed.

As a parent, you are gentle and caring, and although you probably don’t play catch with them a lot, you will do your best to teach them about the world in which we live, and to open their eyes to the possibilities which life offers. You may be a little old-fashioned in your approach when they reach their teens, but you will try to see things from their point of view. At least you’re always aware of your children's need to be treated with dignity (this is about HEALTHY cap moons. my father is one, and he’s a pos so beware).

You exert considerable control over your own inner nature, sometimes too much so in order to prevent your feelings from getting the better of you. You're somewhat formal manner protects your vulnerability. It would be impossible to imagine you getting drunk and making an ass of yourself, unless the moon is affected.

Like the other Earth signs, it takes a lot to make you lose your temper, but when you do, it is overpoweringly destructive. Making friends is a slow process with you, and you keep for years the few friends whom you do have. You adapt better to new places than to new people, and can fit in almost anywhere.

You need a strong and independent partner who can, to some extent, protect you. Your hidden sensitivity can give you nervous conditions such as skin problems, asthma or other breathing problems, and a tendency to have colds. You listen to any advice which is offered to you, but you prefer to make up your own mind.

Being reserved, you don't readily reach out to touch people, but you love to be held and touched by your partner and your children.

Where sex is concerned, you improve with age, and also with the overcoming of your shyness and inhibitions. You are careful and very particular both in your choice of partner and in your behaviour around them. One-night stands are probably not for you. The feeling of closeness while making love is as important to you as the act itself. You may choose to marry someone who is older than you; but whoever you choose, and whatever their age or appearance, you will feel protective and caring to them. You even like to work together so you can share the same problems.

Most lunar Capricorns are great holiday planners. You need to get away from work from time to time, and you really enjoy a break. You are not too experimental with foods, as you probably don’t eat a lot, but you enjoy good surroundings with well-cooked goods. Comfort is a necessity for you when travelling, and you are not likely to be found camping.

As a child you were very close to your mother and then lost your idealized picture of her. There may even be tragic circumstances involving death of a family member or trauma due to illness or divorce in the family. As you grow up, you may realize that your mother is a loving woman who did her best under the circumstances, and you likely feel responsible for her happiness.

There could have been some conflict and aggression between you and your father, which accounts for your watchfulness when around new people. This Moon position suggests difficulties during childhood through poverty, too many other children in the family or a loss. Oddly enough, this may jump back one generation and be not your experience of childhood, but your mother's experience (in my case).

Your parents loved you and were kind-hearted, but they could have been insensitive and critical of your school work. A conflict could have arisen if they wanted you to work in the field they planned you to and were disappointed when you chose not to. They, possibly because of their upbringing, taught you to be careful with money and highly realistic in your dreams. You would have learned to value (possibly over-value) material security and possessions.

Lunar Capricorns prefer to do something-useful career-wise. Being slow, thorough and efficient in all that you do, you become annoyed by petty inefficiencies in others - for instance, buses being late or paperwork which has not been done right. I have noticed that most people with the Sun, Moon or Ascendant in an Earth sign are early risers or just love mornings.

Your weak spots for health are supposed to be the bones, especially the knees. Hearing and skin problems are most likely.

The best relationship for you is one that is long-lasting, so you have ample opportunities to express your love over a long period (you can actually adapt love languages).

#astrology #moon signs #capricorn moon #moon in capricorn #could apply to cap sun and rising

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ramblingguy54 · 3 years

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Edalyn Clawthorne: A Loner Created Through Tragedy

Seeing what happened to Edalyn’s father in Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door greatly explains why she looked so saddened by Lilith talking about hanging around their dad more by Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances conclusion. She harbors a lot of guilt in scratching his face up badly from years ago. After an incident like that for someone around an age that young in their life definitely contributed to Eda’s resolve of keeping herself away from others not just solely because of her own ideals about magic and how to properly use it, but also to prevent more people from getting badly hurt because of the owl curse, too. It’s sad to look back on what Lilith said to her mother, “Mom, I heard you, but I couldn’t stop myself.”, because that’s exactly what Eda went through when she attacked her dad.

No matter what her father could’ve said it wouldn’t have reached Edalyn, due to not having much experience with controlling the curse at that time. The amount of guilt running through Edalyn’s mind after coming back to her senses must’ve been unbearable as Hell. It’s already bad enough when hurting random people under a nasty spell, but to injure someone who helped bring you into the world? Anyone would want to put a large gap between themselves after such an awful experience of this magnitude. Season 2 of The Owl House has been doing a lot of great things in its story, such as showing more of Eda’s vulnerability being the point of my post I’d like to delve more into about.

Eda’s development of opening up emotionally more in Season 1 was certainly good, however we didn’t get a real look into what makes Edalyn who she is as a whole. Season 2 has been allowing more in-depth exploration about why she guards herself as frequently as possible from others. It isn’t a matter of, “I like being a loner, who lives by their own rules about how our world operates.”, rather it centers around, “I’m a bad influence and don’t want to hurt others I care deeply about, or even possibly could grow to, because of my cursed affliction.”. Gwendolyn stating her curse was something that should be cut it out if need be certainly didn’t help in contributing to Eda’s loner nature she develop onward. These moments made her feel ashamed as if she didn’t deserve to be apart something greater like a family, having friends, or finding her own respective lover to boot.

Eda’s long amount of solitude made her into a more powerfully independent and capable person, magically speaking, but it came at a serious cost of something important, one’s own self-esteem. The curse stunted Eda’s emotional growth for a very long while in having to take up the mantle of being unable to face her fears head on. Even in spite of her lesson to Raine about not running away from your own demons, the saying of practice what you preach rang unfortunately true here. Edalyn has been a very closed off person for so many years, where the idea of having to present yourself to someone else, warts and all, scared this witch away into living in seclusion at her Owl House. Despite gaining a family eventually through Luz & King, Eda never told them about her curse until it happened, wasn’t big on showing affection, and struggled with teaching Luz consistently in a good chunk of Season 1.

Eda’s biggest challenge to overcome has been actually letting people into her life which costed her a healthy social lifestyle, became distant toward the Clawthorne family tree, and resulted in Raine calling off their romantic relationship. They were tired of Eda’s distant attitude in not being able to commit emotionally with expressing more of her compassion, vulnerability, or love either. This is something problematic Eda’s Requiem did explore too when King wanted to speak with Eda, yet she kept on either changing the subject last second, or made up a convenient excuse to hold off on discussing this matter. Edalyn was afraid of change because she had finally become used to King being around for so long. Knowing Luz would have to leave inevitably hurt already, so now finding out King possibly wanted to go find his actual father and stay there with him instead scared Eda outta her mind in facing a reality without the both of them.

Change is a word for Eda that’s a thing she never wants to hear. It’s why she makes the decisions that went on to define her serious solitude. Eda is used to being alone without having to rely on much of anyone else, but that doesn’t mean she obviously has enjoyed it, either. Edalyn only lived in seclusion because she thought it was necessary for safety reasons not outta love for a hermit lifestyle. The tragedy of Eda’s personal background is she allowed this curse to rule over her life for those three decades. Now, to be fair, Gwendolyn contributed to Eda’s baggage with viewing her curse as a disgusting attribute does indeed share the blame here in these events, but regardless Edalyn made unwise decisions she clearly regrets. The biggest ones being not letting anyone, as seen with Raine, get closer to her and avoiding changes to a status quo in Eda’s complicated life. What happened to Eda’s dad was obviously not her fault whatsoever, as it was entirely out of her control. However, Eda’s choice to live in seclusion away from many, make things impossible for a healthy honest relationship work with Raine, and running away from King’s possible separation in Requiem’s story paints a different picture on Eda’s loner nature.

Eda may try to carry herself as this loner with a sassy attitude, but it’s all just a facade to mask deeper issues of self-esteem, loneliness, and regrets. I find it so beautiful in how she didn’t want Luz running away from her feelings to Amity because she didn’t want her to make the same mistake, like what happened with Raine. Eda let her fear of commitment get to herself and it caused nothing but a mountain of regrets, so she’s correcting this flawed mindset through helping Luz & Amity’s romance. Like, real talk, the way Owl House has explored LGBTQ+ has been simply excellent in building organic romances with Luz/Amity & Eda/Raine, but still giving important development to their characters in making sure their sexuality isn’t the only defining trait they have. That’s been like a pet peeve of mine when incorporating representation for this community of people. I’m all for seeing this kind of equality in fictional entertainment, but don’t make this the only thing that defines their characterization as a whole and Owl House totally understands this about using LGBTQ+ related content.

Season 2 of Owl House has been greatly expanding upon Eda’s emotional dilemmas around her curse, which I love as it deepens this character’s motivations on bettering herself. Edalyn has become a super relatable mentor figure in these recent episodes taking time to showcase the complexities of Clawthorne’s family dynamic being shaken by Eda’s curse and how she finally comes to term with it here in Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door. Rather than viewing it as a monster to be afraid of, Eda is viewing this creature as another living thing deserving to be treated as an equal and not a threat thanks to the help of those elixirs she drinks on a daily basis. I thought Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door would be a serious comedic breather, but instead it gave us more insight on this cast of main protagonists. Edalyn’s backstory revelations were such an amazing surprise, as I didn’t think we’d be getting to see her father this soon and what caused a big rift between the two, as well.

Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door exceeded my expectations in more ways than one. Season 2 of The Owl House has been continuing to impress me.

#edalyn clawthorne #toh season 2 spoilers #toh season 2 #eda clawthorne #the owl house #the owl house season 2 #knock knock knockin' on hooty's door

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aerialflight · 3 years

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Fic Recs (mostly Naruto cause I read too many good fics in the fandom and now I'm in hell)

[Naruto]

Spirit-Touched by phooykazooi

Once upon a time, the Haruno clan were priests. It was said that they were spirit-touched, and that they walked among the downtrodden and the poor, and did not bow to royalty.

Or, an AU in which Sakura can see spirits.

Part 1 of The Realms Between

(Really, and I mean REALLY fantastic Shikamaru & Sakura friendship! Fantastic, beautiful writing, and such good worldbuilding, god, and the Haruno family is so badass!! Sakura and everything she does makes me want to scream!! Please read!)

Final Evaluation by Do_the_Cool_Whip

Progress evaluations are one-on-one consultation meetings between academy students and their teacher. Their purpose is to inform academy students of their strengths and weaknesses and guide them down their ideal path to becoming a strong shinobi. Upon graduating the academy and passing their jounin-sensei test, new genin return to the academy for one final consultation. (Or: The story of what happens when Umino Iruka uses his final meetings with his students as way to send them off to become the best shinobi they can possibly be.)

(Iruka! Is! The! Best! Teacher! Ever! End of story!!! Great interpretation of all the characters and their capabilities and I am so so excited for the sequel that will undoubtedly come! XD)

Celestial Bodies by Oceanbreeze7

Sasuke looked at the fire, eyes glowing red as the mutated corrupted seal on his throat. "Amaterasu blessed me. I see things. Like you with two normal eyes and the Hokage. And Sakura with a seal on her forehead. And I run Chidori through Naruto's heart. I keep trying to kill him. Over and over. And that knuckleheaded idiot never gives up.”

(Don't you get it? I saw it. The moon will bleed, the nations will die. The world is going to end.)

Part 1 of Celestial Bodies and Anomalies

(I swear, this fic freaking elevated my expectations on Sasuke-centric fics in general holy hell. Also, read the fucking sequel after this cause EVERYTHING GOES NUTS AND THE PLOT GOES OFF AND I'M HERE FOR THIS SHIT. Fucking Uchihas man. Also, you wouldn't think this series is funny, but it is, and it's amazing.)

A step to the left (and right off the cliff) by weavingBlue

Team Seven starts off on a different foot and Sasuke's canonical journey to get stronger goes off the rails a bit. It all works out though. Probably.

(This fic went in a direction I didn't expect and it's GLORIOUS. SO FUNNY, I honestly was dying while I was reading this. Please give this a chance!!)

promises by BombsAreForBabies

It's her first kiss and Naruto's last. She promises him that she will bring Sasuke home. It's his dying wish, after all.

(Naruto bleeds out faster than the kyuubi can heal him.

Sakura learns that being a ninja is more than fancy jutsu and fun.

Sasuke does not know that he just killed his best friend and turned his most loyal comrade into his worst enemy.)

(Listen LISTEN I know this sounds depressing but the relationship developments and slow healing is EVERYTHING and I think it's absolutely worth it to read this. Sakura's characterization is so good and Kakashi makes me want to hug him. A lot.)

Fang Under Fang by Vroomian

"Are we sure he's really an Inuzuka?"

(The answer is no.)

Someone reborn as Inuzuka Kiba not only has to deal with bullshit ninja magic, but soulmates being A Thing.

(Really good self-insert fic and its platonic soulmates, not romantic! I am always here for a good Kiba-centric fic and I won't say who the soulmate is. It's unexpected but so, so good! Trust me!)

Haunt The Lonely by Tht0neGal666

(Series where Sakura can see ghosts and the Things she gets up to due to this ability. The fics are short but man, you can already see the shifting differences in Team 7's dynamics, it's great!)

Perception by Ellie_Enchanted

Naruto can sense auras, which throws everything off it's balance. Because really, with someone as open as Naruto running around and peering into the depths of people's souls, something is bound to change. In other words, sometimes all that's needed is a push. Also, Sasuke apparently glows.

(Naruto the empath changing the plot and making it Better and I am loving it!)

Crossfire by DejaVu22

Following the events of Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke never makes it to Orochimaru's hideout. Instead, he is waylaid by a one-eyed man named Tobi, a man possessing a Sharingan, a terrifying dual personality, a penchant for always being late, and a single-minded mission to stop the Akatsuki in their tracks. When Sasuke runs into Naruto again years later, he must ally with his old teammate in order to protect him from the Akatsuki, while keeping him out of the two man war Tobi and Sasuke have started against the dangerous organization.

(I honest to god can't stop cackling when I read this, the Sasuke & Obito dynamic is so freaking chaotic and Sasuke's characterization is the best thing I've ever read. This boi is a mEsS and I'm fucking rooting for him. He cares so much! There's secret identity shenanigans happening on sasuke's end and it's HILARIOUS! This is the duo I never thought I needed but here it is! *cackles insanely*)

[Diamond no Ace]

Echo in His Hands by SportRayne (rayningnight)

Ship: Miyuki/Sawamura

What does it mean, when you remember snapshots of your own future?

Is it your future at all, if you change it?

Would you even want to change it?

(Look I am WEAK for BAMF Eijun and time travel fics and Miyuki being a tanuki bastard, okay? Time travel fic where Eijun gets feelings of people he knew before in the future. Really good so far and am so excited over this fic!)

The path we walk by WindsOfTime

Ship: Miyuki/Sawamura

Eijun goggles at the magazine she just shoved into his hands. "W-Wakana!" "I know!" she says, beaming. "That's my soulmate!!" "I know!!" "My soulmate plays baseball!!"

(Became such an instant fave so fast it's unbelievable. I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH! Best soulmate fic in this fandom, hands down!)

[One Piece]

switching places by fireflywitch

Zoro is 21 and wakes up in a desert they already saved, on a ship that they burned two years ago, and standing next to a man who is supposed to be dead. Except, that can’t be right, can it?

Zoro is 19 and wakes up on a ship that’s too big, next to a robot wearing a swimsuit, and he’s supposed to fight something called a Kaido. Also, he’s missing an eye, and no one’s even a little worried about it?

(or)

Time travel is a shitshow, and Zoro didn't sign up for this.

(FUCKING HILARIOUS ZORO IS THE BEST PERSON TO SEND BACK IN TIME CAUSE HE'D BE TERRIBLE YET FANTASTIC AT IT I CAN'T MAN FIEWNOPFEW)

No Time To Crank The Sun by VIKAN

He’s surrounded by strangers, but they’re all trying to convince him otherwise. Or, Zoro faces a mysterious and relentless challenge that he just can’t wrap his head around.

(This ripped my heart open, I cried reading this my god. Please read this, the pain is so worth it and Zoro and his relationship with his crew is so good here. This reminded me why I love the Straw Hats so much!)

[Fairy Tail]

to learn about a lucy (with a look into the future.) by るる凪 - nagi (arurun)

A watching the future fanfic.

It's currently X781, three years before canon. A group of Fairy Tail mages find themselves in a large building, with no known way out.

They sit down, and they watch the future.

(This is so much more fun than I thought it would be and I'm so happy I found this fic. This fic reignited my old love for this fandom and I hope it does for you too!)

[Harry Potter]

sunflowers by Marnie27

One day, a young girl sits on the edge of a well. On this day, she falls in. Then the next, she’s not even a ‘she’ anymore. He’s Peter Pettigrew — doomed to die at the hands of his (betrayed) friend’s son.

Peter is selfish, bitter and brash. He’s not some fairy tale hero, he doesn’t care if everyone around him dies, as long as he lives. The marauders are annoying and childish. Survival is his priority, and he can’t afford to face distractions.

This just makes the fact that soulmates are now apparently a thing all the more godawful.

(And then another day years later he falls into an entirely new impossibility, Remus Lupin in tow, right into the third book of Harry Potter. Smack bang on the other Peter Pettigrew’s grave).

It’s confusing and graceless, and entirely something that would happen to him of all people.

(Self-insert fic where a girl reincarnates into Peter Pettigrew! And there are soulmates! And it's angsty and hilarious and Peter is an Asshole (somewhat unintentionally lol). Always a fan of biased pov fics and characters slowly improving themselves and their mental health! Cause dying! Is! Traumatic! *smiley face* Please read!)

[Crossovers]

he's a killer queen, sunflower, guillotine by hoye

Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist, Harry Potter

He has to be the weirdest Hufflepuff Harry’s ever seen. Scratch that, he’s the weirdest Hufflepuff Hogwarts has ever seen.

(One thing everyone could agree on: NEVER call Edward Elric short.)

(This is peak Edward Elric and all the best things about him and I'm just having a Good Time. Friendships! Logical solutions! Marauder screentime! And so much More! *bright grin* It's a fun place here!)

#Fanfiction #AO3 #Fic Rec #Fic Rec List #Naruto #Diamond no Ace #One Piece #Fairy Tail #Harry Potter #Crossover #Fullmetal Alchemist

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object-show-analysis · 3 years

Note

Hello!! I recently started watching this show called The Daily Object Show. (I'm sorry if you don't know what it is!) But I've had this question in mind if you do know about it; Do you think it is possible for Evil Computer and the other villians to be capable of redemption or becoming "nice"?

Ok so this is a Very Interesting Question and I wouldn’t say I have a full answer. But I’ll do my best, and keep things open for discussion in case I’ve missed/misinterpreted something!

Could the TDOS villains be redeemed

So the full cast of villains currently consists of Evil Computer, Plane, Skull, Cobalt Blue, Cigar, and Evil Bloodbag (who currently possesses Bomb)

I believe that some of them are definitely capable of becoming redeemed (wether or not they actually Will is impossible to tell at this point) but there is a chance that Plane, Skull, Cobalt Blue, and Cigar could have a chance at redemption.

Now they’ve all done bad things, spanning from minor theft to attempted world-wide take over. But we know it’s capable for someone like that to be redeemed, even if they’ve done something so bad as try to mind control everyone and take over the world (which Cobalt Blue has tried)

How do we know that a redemption that large is possible? Because it’s already happened.

Notice how in the list of current villains, one previous villain isn’t there: Toast.

Toast and Cobalt Blue had pretty similar ideals and motivation, and there are a lot of parallels between Revenge Of Toast and Cult Of Cobalt. Toast, like Cobalt, was left mangled and forgotten, and tried to take over the world through mind control in an act of revenge. And in the end, like a lot of villains in this show, they were defeated by the power of lotion.

The only real difference between the two of them is which lotion was used.

The really good smelling lotion was too much for Cobalt. It was overwhelming and alluring and caused his defeat. Meanwhile the really neutral smelling lotion did the opposite. It was what Toast needed. It gave her peace. She was able to move past her anger and become neutral. It allowed her to grow to be a happier, healthier person. It seems reasonable to assume Cobalt Blue could have been redeemed if only the situation (and the lotion) were different.

We’ve seen moments of compassion in characters like Skull and Cigar as well. Skull was incredibly close with Computer, and only turned to crime when he felt like he had been betrayed by someone he loved. Cigar was always a criminal, but he was only after something that did rightfully belong to him. And he seemed to really trust in shoe. He looked really hurt when he was betrayed as well.

We don’t know a lot about Plane, but she clearly had an excitement and love for The Daily Object Show that drove her to commit her crime, which was only minor theft. She only took the prize because she wasn’t allowed a chance to win it herself.

So despite all of the awful things that the current villains have done, I believe there is room for them to improve and be better people. Even if lotion has to be involved.

However Evil Computer and Evil Bloodbag are a bit different.

They never had any sort of motive. They don’t have a reason to be evil or an anger that could be neutralized (to our current knowledge)

They are made up of pure evil energy, which is what allowed Bloodbag to possess Bomb with such ease. They exist to be evil. They, like the evil mini clones, were born with the ingrained purpose to cause problems.

So it seemed like there would be nothing to redeem, right?

Well not exactly

See we know that the evil clones are capable of kindness. We know that if given a chance to see the beauty of the world, they may turn around.

How do we know this? Toast Mini.

Toast Mini was an evil clone made of pure evil energy. Their life purpose was to take over the world. But after seeing the beauty that the world had to offer they, like Toast herself, stopped their evil plans and became good.

If given a reason to stop their evil ways, I do believe every villain has a chance of redemption. Wether or not they will is still up in the air, but I think it would certainly be interesting to see

I hope this makes sense!

#the daily object show #cobalt blue tdos #skull tdos #cigar tdos #evil computer tdos #evil blood bag tdos #bomb tdos #plane tdos #long post

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let-me-write-shit · 4 years

Note

can you write a little something about Harry and reader finding out the gender of their baby after a long time of trying?

Ok, first of all, I’m SOOO sorry for taking so long to write this while I finished up my story. When I got this request, I got super emotional because this happened with me and my husband. So the story I wrote is our actual story. I hope you like it.

Word Count: 2,950

Requests are OPEN! If you have a request for a blurb, oneshot, imagine, whatever, Send me a message HERE!!!

And don’t forget to let me know what you think! Enjoy.

CLICK HERE TO READ OTHER COMPLETED STORIES

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Little Miracle

It had been two years. Two long and frustrating years. When Harry and Y/N first started talking about trying to get pregnant, it was exciting. They had been married for about three years at that point and Harry had finally started to slow down in his career a bit to focus a little more attention on his wife with the prospect of starting a family. But things hadn’t gone to plan. They didn’t expect to get pregnant on the first try. Maybe not even the second. But by month three, they started to get discouraged. Maybe their timing was off. Y/N’s period was irregular, after all, and their ideal of ‘letting it happen when it happens’ was starting to become easier said than done. So, Y/N started taking ovulation tests.

She took a text every single day for a week, and all of the tests came back negative. Not a big deal, there’s only three days of ovulation in a month. She continued to take them. The third week, nothing. Maybe her ovulation days were spread out further apart since her period was so irregular? By week five, Y/N began to worry, but she hadn’t lost hope, yet. She visited her OB/GYN who encouraged her to keep trying, try to stress less, and eat healthier. So she did. She started exercising, changing her diet, taking more vitamins, even starting couples yoga with Harry, doing everything within her power to live a better lifestyle. Nothing worked.

With every negative ovulation and pregnancy test they got, Y/N spirits dwindled. Harry began picking up more work, doing anything he could to distract himself from the ranges of emotions that were running through him. Of course, he wanted to have a baby with Y/N. She was the love of his life and to be able to bring a piece of both of them in this world would be the biggest blessing he could have imagined. But seeing the pain and heartache in Y/N’s eyes each day after another negative test felt like a stab in his chest.

He tried to do little things to take her mind off of it. Spontaneous dates, trips to the spa, exotic getaways, concerts, you name it. But when they got home at the end of the day, passing by the empty room they had always talked about one day making into a nursery, he saw the flicker of hope in her eyes die. It was even harder whenever tabloids speculated her pregnancy or friends and family asked when they would have a baby. They always played it off, simply saying ‘it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen’, but the rage he felt whenever someone brought it up was something awful. It took everything in him not to lunge at the person joking about it. If only they knew, maybe they wouldn’t be so insensitive.

After a year and a half of trying, they decided to bite the bullet and meet with a fertility specialist to see what was going on. Harry had just finished a tour and they thought now was the perfect time to get serious again. Dozens of tests were done between bloodwork, urine screenings, semen samples, and finally an ultrasound. That’s when they were given the news. Y/N had a pretty severe case of PCOS. It was the cause of her irregular periods and the reason why it had been so difficult for her to conceive naturally.

The doctor had sat them down in a room to discuss what this meant. According to him, the chances of Y/N ever conceiving naturally, without medical intervention, were slim to none. And even though there were several medical and procedural routes they could go, the chances of a baby sticking, though not impossible, did not look to be in their favor. The look on Y/N’s face was enough to kill.

After the doctor laid out all of their options, he gave them some space to digest, and as soon as he left the room, Y/N collapsed into Harry’s arms. They had given up hope. What was the point in trying? Why go through all the pain and discomfort of medications and procedures for the high probability that it’d end in miscarriage? When they got home, they began discussing their options. There was always surrogacy and adoption. But the more they talked about it, the more frustrated Y/N got. She tossed all of her unused ovulation and pregnancy tests in a drawer under her bathroom sink and slammed it shut.

“Maybe we can get a second opinion about your PCOS,” Harry suggested, following her into their bedroom.

Y/N shook her head, shrugging her shoulders, and curling up on her bed, tired from all of the crying, “Maybe the universe is telling us we shouldn’t be parents. Maybe it’s just not time yet.”

Harry pouted, curling up with her, “Love, we’re going to have a baby. It may not have your eyes or my dimples, but we’ll have a family someday.”

Months had passed and Y/N continued to take her ovulation tests out of the habit of taking them every day for nearly two years, and every day they would still come up negative. It was Father’s Day, and after a long day celebrating with Y/N’s dad, the couple came home and got ready for bed. Y/N opened a drawer to her bathroom sink to get some floss and to take her daily ovulation test, setting it on the vanity counter before finishing her business, and as she washed her hands, she noticed the faintest extra line imaginable.

Laughing, she threw it in the trash, almost certain that it was either a false positive or a trick of the light. Still, with over four hundred negative ovulation tests under her belt, it was a bit strange. She didn’t mention anything to Harry, afraid he would think she was crazy. The number of times she had convinced herself she was pregnant because of a ‘feeling’ was starting to become ridiculous. But, what’s the harm in trying? Harry looked especially hot today with his hair extra floppy and the perfect amount of stubble on his chin. All it took was her dropping her dressing gown to get him in the mood.

But when the next day rolled around and her ovulation test was negative, she figured the previous night was just a dud. Typical. She had completely forgotten about it, her mind distracted by the fact that Harry had to leave for a few weeks to work on a new album, meeting with producers and mixers, songwriters, and masters in LA. Y/N stayed in their London home, spending time with his family and meeting up with friends.

The day Harry was supposed to return, she decided to get all dolled up for him. It had been a while since she had gone all out, and she wanted to surprise him. First thing’s first, she needed a shower. She stripped out of her clothes, tossing them in the hamper, and decided to use the bathroom real quick before she got in. The sink drawer was slightly ajar and she saw the outline of the unused pregnancy tests she never got the chance to take. She frowned, pulling it out of the drawer, all of the lost hopes and dreams fluttering away with this one pregnancy test. She should get rid of them. She sat on the toilet in thought for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. What’s one more test, for old time sake?

She held the test under her stream for a few seconds and shook it dry before tossing it to the ground, barely out of sight, knowing that the test would be negative like it always was. Besides, she had no symptoms of being pregnant. She felt fine. So, she finished her business and washed her hands. But just as she was about to get in the shower, she happened to look down and saw it. It was faint. Very faint. But it was there. Two blue lines.

Fully naked and one foot wet, she rushed over and grabbed it off the floor, pulling it to her face and holding it up to the light to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. But no matter how she turned it, she couldn’t unsee the two lines.

“Nope. It’s just a false positive,” she told herself before tossing it on the counter and getting in the shower.

But she could barely focus. Her mind kept wandering back to the test. Was it possible? She remembered the ovulation test she had taken on Father’s Day. Maybe she had ovulated. Maybe she was pregnant. No. Not possible. But….maybe?

It was a good thing she drank so much water that morning because when she got out of the shower, she had to pee again. This time, she made sure to get a cup to pee in, wanting to try multiple tests, just in case. She dipped three into the cup and set them on the counter, leaving to get dressed before returning. She took a deep breath, trying not to get her hopes up, before looking down. And her heart began to race. All three, barely visible, had two lines. Were they too faint? Did that mean she wasn’t pregnant?

So, to be sure, she took out the big guns. An electric pregnancy test. She needed to see the words. It wouldn’t be clear until she got a definitive answer. Pregnant or Not Pregnant. So she dipped it in and saw the little hourglass blink, and watched as the bar got closer and closer to completion. It took a moment to register, but when she saw it, an audible gasp escaped her as she clapped her hands over her mouth and stepped back.

Pregnant

“Oh my god!” she cried, tears rolling down her face in streams.

She picked it up, put it down, and picked it back up again to make sure she was reading it right. Pregnant.

Y/N had always imagined telling Harry in a cute, fun way. Putting a bun in the oven, or with a game of Pictionary. Maybe even a little onesie. But all of that went out the window. He was going to be home any minute and there was no way she could keep this to herself long enough to figure out how to tell them. It was something they had been waiting on for two years. She wouldn’t wait another second.

She gathered all of the tests she had taken, capped them so nothing could be exposed to the pee, and took them down to the dining room table, scattering them around and staring at them. Her leg shook, anxious for her husband’s arrival, and she bit her fingernails, still in shock that this was even happening. The beeping of the motion sensor went off, signaling that the front door had been opened and Harry’s voice rang through the house.

“Y/N?! I’m home! Where are you?!”

She tried to shout, but she couldn’t find her voice. The butterflies flapped around in her stomach like crazy and she felt like she could vomit from the nerves. It only took seconds for him to find her, though. He wore sweats and his hair looked almost greasy from his long flight home, a smile had stretched across his face at the sight of her. But it quickly turned into confusion when he neared.

“What’s this?” he asked, looking at the objects scattering the table as he got closer.

He picked one up to examine and upon seeing what it was, his eyes widened, gasping, “What? No way?” he put the test that he had been holding down and quickly grabbed another one, and another, and another, repeating, “Is that a line? Y/N, is that a line?” before finally grabbing hold of the electric test that read ‘Pregnant’. He gripped it tight, finally looking up at his wife, tears rimming his eyes, “You’re pregnant? We’re going to be parents?”

Y/N grinned, her eyes beginning to water, and nodded, “We’re going to be parents.”

Harry lost it, unable to control his emotions anymore. Two years of pent up sadness had blown out of him and he bawled, collapsing into Y/N’s arms and squeezing her tightly, blubbering, “I’m going to be a dad.”

They waited a while before telling anyone, terrified of their fertility doctor’s prediction that their baby would most likely not stick. But after three months of regular appointment and growth checkups, all of which looked great, they felt comfortable enough to tell their immediate family and very close friends, all of whom were beyond thrilled for the couple.

It was easy to hide her pregnancy for a while. She had no symptoms, she hardly showed, and it was at a time where Y/N and Harry hardly left their house anyway, so most people hadn’t suspected anything. They had managed to get halfway through the pregnancy without any leaks, and finally, at their twenty-week checkup, they would be finding out whether they were having a boy or girl.

They were especially nervous because, although they had been tossing names in the air for months now and had a boy’s name picked out almost right away, they hadn’t been able to agree on a girl name quite yet, and Y/N was almost certain they were having a girl, though Harry had been adamant that it was a boy.

“I don’t care, either way. I just want to know what kind of laugh they’ll have,” Harry said as the ultrasound technician moved the wand around his wife’s belly, taking measurements of all of the baby’s extremities and organs. “Like, will it have that cute high-pitched baby laugh? Or will it have one of those laughs that sounds like demonic possession, you know? I just want to be prepared for what I might hear in the middle of the night.”

Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes, “I hope they have a demonic laugh. Imagine how much more fun Halloween would be? And everyone would be too creeped out by their laughing to want to stay too long. Imagine all of the awkward or boring situations we could get out of because of it.”

Harry’s eyebrows raised, “Well, when you put it like that…”

The nurse giggled at their conversation and turned to face them, “Okay, are we ready to find out the gender?”

“Yes,” they grinned, squeezing each other’s hands tighter.

“Alright, let’s see if baby’s cooperating,” sang the technician, sliding the wand down further and pressing it harder into her skin. They saw their baby’s legs moving around wildly as she tried to get a better look in between their legs, digging the wand in harder. And that’s when they saw it. They shared a look with each other, mouths agape, as the nurse smiled, “It’s a boy.”

Y/N laughed, turning to face her husband, expecting him to start gloating. But she saw the reflection of light hit the water that started to collect at his lash line and a single tear rolled down his cheek, his chin quivering and sniffling as he quickly wiped it away.

“We’re having a boy,” he choked, catching his breath and pressing his lips to her forehead, his hand squeezing hers even harder now. The nurse grinned at his display of emotion as Harry whispered into her ear, “Paxton Robin Styles.”

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Taglist: @odetostep

#Harry Styles #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagine #harry styles oneshot #dad harry styles #dad #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fan fiction #harry x reader

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song-of-the-swans · 3 years

Text

Natalia did nothing wrong.

I recently reread Bronze no Tenshi and oh my God I love Georges D’Anthès with all my heart - as if I already didn’t love him enough when I first read this manga. He’s so respectful, he’s ready to sacrifice everything for Natalia and he understands a woman’s struggles.

I don’t despise Pushkin in Bronze no Tenshi as it often happens to me with the other “love rival” of Saito’s stories, sometimes I pity him, but I also think a lot of people overlook his flaws and mistakes in his relationship and attitude towards Natalia out of their admiration for the figure of the real Pushkin, the poet. On the other hand, I see a lot of blame put on Natalia, when, if you really think about it, Natalia did nothing wrong. Natalia cannot be the usual strong, single-minded, fierce woman that Saito portrays in her stories: it wouldn’t be realistic and true to the time when the events take place. In my opinion, Natalia was a good person that always sacrificed herself for the people around her, who had for once the chance to do something exclusively for herself when she met the love of her life, D’Anthès.

I personally am analyzing the events and the characters of the manga as someone who didn’t know Pushkin the first time she read Bronze no Tenshi. I see a girl who grew up in the country, with her relatives advising her not to speak her mind or reveal her true personality to anyone, with a crazy father who traumatized her, with a strict, oppressive mother who forbade her to read books, only ingraining religious concepts in her, and who tried to sell her to the best offerer when she was only 16. Everyone makes her believe her only merit is to be beautiful. When she is 16, she meets Pushkin who feverishly falls in love with her and, moved by his persistence, she develops a crush on him and agrees to marry him. She sees him as an escape from her condition and as a chance of independence from her mother. She knows he can treat her right and, in her innocence, she believes that would be enough to make her happy, because she is not interested in love, having never experienced it. Natalia says that love scares her because people in love act irrationally, so she keeps on living a peaceful life with Pushkin fulfilling her duties in the way she was brought up. But she doesn’t know love and... she’s never truly happy or satisfied. Then D’Anthès arrives in Russia. In a certain sense, he’s someone used to be treated as an object of desire by the others just like Natalia. When he sees her the first time, he finds her beautiful just like every other man, but he doesn’t try to pursue her, nor is he interested in her. When Natalia tries to get close to him for her sister’s sake, he misunderstands her at first because he thinks she’s just treating him like the other women. Then their interactions increase and they find each other insufferable. They bicker, because D’Anthès doesn’t idealize her. People do nothing but point out Natalia’s beauty to the point of exhaustion, but D’Anthès actually treats Natalia as his equal - even recognizing how it must be tiring to be always told the same compliment over and over - and more importantly as a woman. And during their arguments, Natalia’s personality comes out to her own surprise, the personality that we only saw at the beginning of the story when she’s alone with her sisters and that she was told to suppress. She gets emotional and worked up. He gets a reaction out of her. They get to know each other as two people of the same age. He advises her. He protects her. He starts to understand her and he realizes she’s genuine and naive, that she doesn’t scheme, that she doesn’t do things for her own good, that she doesn’t want to hurt others and that she has no experience of life… and love. And they fall in love madly, to the point they will sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of seeing the other safe and at peace, since there’s not a place on the earth where they could possibly be allowed to be together. Anna Karenina is quite an example. Their only option was to flee abroad but that would’ve meant for Natalia not to see her family and children anymore. Leaving aside that I wouldn’t even have blamed Natalia for abandoning a whole brood of children that were literally put into her as if her body didn’t belong to her, D’Anthès understands that for her. When the day comes, he decides that he has to be stronger for her sake, because even if Natalia was willing to leave, she could’ve blamed herself all her life and died out of guilt. Ironically, D’Anthès has understood and known Natalia more during their illicit affair of stolen glances, confessions that lasted the time of a dance and secrete meetings, than her husband, who’s lived with her for years, ever did. Natalia always thought about the others. She first sacrificed herself for the sake of her family when they wanted her to get married. She restlessly gave her husband children he put in her one after the other without even letting her recover from the previous pregnancy, without ever objecting. After her marriage, she took her older sisters in her house to allow them to live a happier, social life in town and she escorted them at balls to chaperone them even when she was pregnant and had to take care of her body. She started to interact with D’Anthès to introduce him to her older sister who had a crush on him. She never wanted to hurt her admirers, even those who were pestering her. When she finally meets the love of her life, she fights back her feelings as much as she can and even avoids to be intimate with him because “her body doesn’t belong to her”. The moment she’s about to flee with him and make love to him, she physically stops herself because “she was about to be happy” in such a dramatic situation and “that is unforgivable”. Natalia is not even free to put an end to her life, because she has obligations, she’s leaving a family behind. So when she thinks D’Anthès doesn’t love her anymore when he sends her back home, she also knows she has to keep on living. And, in the end, we know her biggest sacrifice was to give up for good to the only person she ever loved for the sake of her children, her husband, her relatives and for social pressure… but even that is not enough for her husband.

Nevertheless, readers still blame her, just like Natalia blames herself for having fallen in love, just like she guilt trips herself throughout the story when she thinks she’s become someone who only thinks about her own happiness. After Natalia puts an end to her affair for her family, Pushkin decides to duel D’Anthès anyway and die, leaving her not only alone, but also making impossible for her to remarry with her lover decades later and abandoning the children just like Natalia would have done had she fled abroad with D’Anthès. With the only difference that Natalia would have done it to be with the one she loved after having lived a life that didn’t belong to her, whereas Pushkin did it for pride and vanity.

I suppose people blame Natalia because they think that she cannot make up her mind, but the truth is that the characters’ feelings are very clear in Bronze no Tenshi: Natalia doesn’t love her husband romantically and never has. You hear her thoughts, you watch her actions. She repeatedly confirms that she sees Pushkin as a relative and a father figure, even before D’Anthès came in the picture. Natalia didn’t fall out of love because of D’Anthès and D’Anthès didn’t steal her from Pushkin: she simply never loved him and Pushkin knew before and after marrying her. But he does nothing about it, he is happy to have her because she is beautiful and because he idealized her. Sure Pushkin loves his wife, but he doesn’t actually know her. He treats her like a muse, he calls her angel, he acts like a father towards a child, he scolds her, he keeps secrets and financial issues from her and when Natalia begins to show a firmer and more mature personality after she meets D’Anthès, he admits he liked her childish side more. He doesn’t treat her like a woman and an equal like D’Anthès does. If Pushkin had been depicted truer to his real physical appearance and age, I don’t think many people would’ve overlooked his obsession with making Natalia pregnant out of insecurity to “leave his mark on her” because she’s his possession.

When Pushkin got engaged to Natalia, he even promised her mother that he would’ve stepped aside in case Natalia realized one day that her life could’ve been different had she not married him. But he doesn’t. Or let’s say he does, but in an egoistical and manipulative way. Yes, it’s understandable on his part because it’s not easy to give up to the one you love and Russian society didn’t allow divorce. Yes, he doesn’t blame his wife for falling in love and he also waits for Natalia to come back to him... but he doesn’t realize that Natalia cannot be who he used to think she was through his rose tinted glasses and this to me shows that he’s actually more egoistical in his love than D’Anthès is with Natalia. D’Anthès is ready to be hated by her for the sake of seeing her happy. The moment D’Anthès is close to obtaining happiness and fulfilling his dream to live with her in France, he realizes that Natalia won’t ever have the chance to live with him in a dream, because she has too many things at stake that even love cannot make up for: the price she has to pay for becoming his wife is too high, it would kill her. So he sends her back home and he hurts her, pretending he never loved her in order for her to give up on him more easily. D’Anthès never once tried to force himself physically on Natalia, he never had to be told “stop” twice. He is ready to die for her, to marry someone he doesn’t love to protect her honour. D’Anthès doesn’t want Natalia to break under the burden of having left her family to be with him, Natalia doesn’t want D’Anthès to willingly die in the duel with Pushkin because he can’t live without her. Natalia returns home but becomes an empty shell because she thinks her love hates her, D’Anthès goes mad because everything he did to see her happy turned out to be useless. They aren’t allowed to find peace whether they’re together or not.

When that becomes evident, Natalia will finally do something for herself. She makes love with her lover to say goodbye and to carry that memory forever in her heart, before returning to her husband’s side. But we all know what her husband’s final decision was to put an end to this situation. He dies, D’Anthès leaves Russia forever, Natalia loses her dear husband and her lover. She meets D’Anthès again 15 years later in the same place they became aware of each other, they reminisce about their young days, but they can’t be together this time as well.

Despite her tragic endings, Saito always treats her heroines more kindly than her male character (s). It’s like she protects them. They’re always mentally stronger than their lovers and they are resilient… in a way they are always able to find a happy ending in their misery. Natalia is mentally stronger, she survives, she remarries to protect herself, but, partially because this is based off real events, she also is probably the most miserable heroine portrayed by Saito. In the end she doesn’t find her happy ending, nor does she succeed in anything. She just finds peace of mind that she imposed on herself by sealing her feelings for D’Anthès and grieving her first husband, fulfilling the role society required. And I truly pity her. I honestly don’t know how people can blame her.

#spoilers #bronze no tenshi spoilers #bronze no tenshi #chiho saito #natalia goncharova #natalia pushkina #alexander pushkin #natalia #georges d'anthès #d'anthès #pushkin

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