#'everyone who works in psychiatry should go fuck themselves'

[mazharking]

Very much getting the feeling that antipsych is not about actually changing the field of psychiatry for the better in order to ensure that people get the care they need in a way that respects their personal rights and freedoms, but instead about angrily blogging about personal trauma and then calling everyone who says they work in psychiatry and want to have a constructive discussion about how to better organise this healthcare a fucking irredeemable fascist for working in the field and asking a question in the first place. This improves psychiatric healthcare somehow.

#I don't know what I expected asking a question on the posting angry rants and complaining about personal trauma website #personal #'everyone who works in psychiatry should go fuck themselves' #okay. now who will provide the mental healthcare that people need? #how do you plan to actually change the field for the better? #or did you think that every person in healthcare who goes fuck themselves spontaneously combusts #and is magically replaced by a person who has never heard of hierarchy and will treat you right #what's the plan babygirls? what's the fucking idea?

[hiiragi7]

I often see people saying things like "DID fakers have made it impossible to get professionally diagnosed with DID" or "endogenic systems have made it harder for DID systems to be believed by mental health professionals" and while I understand how frustrating it is to not be believed (especially if you are seeking accomodations or a therapist willing to work with DID patients) this blame is entirely misplaced.

Endogenic plurals and "DID fakers" are not the issue. What truly needs to be asked is:

How can people receive appropriate mental health care when care providers go into their work with a biased view on who can and cannot have certain mental disorders? What does it mean for the psychiatric field as a whole that care providers are far more interested in diagnostic labels and "spotting fakers" than in withholding their own bias and working with their clients' lived experiences to help them regardless?

How did we get to a place where diagnostic labels are treated as more important than individual experience? Why is so much emphasis placed on diagnosis in mental health care to the point it is more important than the clients themselves?

As far as accomodations, why is a diagnostic label even required to get basic disability accomodations in the first place? Why are accomodations not free for everyone from the start? Why do you have to jump through all these hurdles just to prove you're disabled and need accomodations?

If health care professionals are refusing to treat clients with histories of severe trauma based on the narrative that "DID is becoming a trend", what does that say about the field's fixation on diagnosis and clinical symptomology over helping survivors of trauma regardless of what language they use or how they see themselves?

If endogenic plurals and "DID fakers" have truly changed how medical professionals view DID and have severely impacted their ability to treat people with DID or "take them seriously", is it not reasonable to assume there were already major issues in the way disorders are approached in mental health care and in clinical awareness (or unawareness) of DID that are way bigger than whatever this is?

And why the fuck are we blaming all these big systemic issues on endogenic plurals and "fakers" when it's clear that these issues and ableism have existed in the field of mental health care and psychiatry for a very long time, and exists across all disorders and areas of mental health care, not just DID?

And lastly, if someone needs mental health care, surely they should be able to access it without issue, regardless of whether they are endogenic, have a non-typical presentation of DID, or are truly faking? Surely there are real issues there which need care and appropriate treatment like any other client, regardless of what the diagnostic label is or isn't? Why is anyone being denied mental health care based on diagnostic controversy?

What the issues actually are and what we need to improve things is a far larger conversation than any individual group, and it's more complicated than the questions I've touched on here. And it's fine if you are not in a place to think about these things or engage in these conversations, but blaming endogenic plurals or "fakers" or what have you does not help anyone, and in fact only feeds into ableism, bullying, and harassment.

If mental health care professionals are throwing a tantrum about the legitimacy of DID, it is due to ableism, not individuals like endogenic plurals or "fakers". DID has always been a controversial diagnosis within the mental health field and professionals in that field have always been a dick about people with DID, regardless of whether they perfectly fit a stereotype or not. It's not new and people have got to quit acting like it is.

#syscourse #ableism

[lobotomyladylives]

I am on SSRIs and antipsychotics 💀 however im supposed to get off them after a period. only the ssri is long term. can you link some of the studies or is it all in the book you recommend? thank you btw it's very helpful

So as for the SSRI issue there are multiple active lawsuits going on rn, and GSK was fined 3 billion over the fraudulent marketing of paxil (the ssri I'm on, but they all work the same way). That doesn't necessarily mean they won't help some people but it is definitely concerning. I'll link some sources below.

https://www.cchrint.org/cchrs-exposure-of-antidepressant-risks-false-marketing-of-the-chemical-imbalance-theory/

https://www.genengnews.com/insights/the-ghosts-of-medical-research/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mood-swings/202210/has-the-serotonin-hypothesis-been-debunked?amp

https://scholar.archive.org/work/xbgj3old4fhjndzjgmrl7va7ru/access/wayback/https://ijme.in/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/The-lessons-of-Study_Robert-W76-78.pdf

As for the antipsychotics & their effects...

https://www.madinamerica.com/antipsychoticsschizophrenia/

https://www.madinamerica.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/The-Case-Against-Antipsychotics.pdf

(Mad in America is a phenomenal resource in general, the book is fantastic and they have a podcast as well. I actually found them through my old therapist who was very critical of psychiatry).

https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/setting-record-straight-antipsychotics

https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/mar/02/mythoftheantipsychotic

Just some links I found, but ultimately no web articles are going to come close to giving you the sort of in-depth info books will give you-years of dedicated research go into writing them and it shows. So I'd definitely encourage reading some books on the topic. I think everyone who's capable of it should take initiative when it comes to their own mental health bc informed consent is so important yet virtually unheard of in psychiatry bc they simply don't share all the risks with patients. And it's worse if you get the dreaded label of "psychotic" bc then they can essentially do whatever the fuck they want & dismiss all your concerns. It's like a scarlet letter. Even the psychiatrist themselves sometimes don't know the truth about the meds they prescribe, which seems unbelievable but big pharma has deep pockets and they are known to pay researchers for results, which is why so much contradictory info exists. It's similar to what the sugar industry did in the 1980s in terms of paying researchers to say that fat is solely responsible for the rise in obesity-they want to sell more products and they'll contract academics to lie for them in order to guarantee their continued profit. You always want to look for independently funded research studies bc that's where you're going to get the truth, no bias or financial incentives.

#online libraries are great if you dont really have access to a brick and mortar one #asks

[most-annoying-sponsorship]

Any submitted propaganda under the cut

Raycon - 10

God awful earbuds with 3 times the price of similar quality with the same script every god damn time at least allow creators to do something with it. Not an active scam product but they try so hard to market themselves like one and I don't understand.

1. It's been a while but at it's height, you couldn't get through a video without seeing someone shilling these subpar earbuds. 2. They're literally earbuds bought off of alieexpress with a fancy brand slapped over the top 3. They're garbage earbuds. DankPods did an excellent breakdown of why they're awful 4. Now everyone I know thinks Raycons are great despite them being as expensive or more so than actual established brands that work hard and take pride in their sound quality

I used them for a while actually but they just didn't work out for me so at this point I'm not going to start buying them again and I don't need to hear about it anymore

they’re everywhere. everyone i watch (which is a fairly diverse list) has a sponsorship. i also know zero people in my life who own them.

There are so much better earbuds that are also cheaper. Plus I don't wanna hear YouTubers awkwardly explain and show them being used, it's just dumb.

they wouldn't even stay in my ears plus the look like they go right up against your eardrums. red flags all around plus i hate wireless shit the battery lasts like two shakes at best

Cerebral - 1

Ok sorry this is gonna be an essay with some snark. So for some important background, at last report Cerebral is under investigation by both the DEA and DOJ for essentially being an online pill mill. This tech bro startup took advantage of a temporary measure meant to help patients keep their EXISTING prescriptions during the pandemic -- the usual rule is that controlled substances can only be prescribed after an in-person appointment, to avoid the exact kind of situation I'll describe, but of course when lockdowns made in-person appointments much harder then people who have been taking stimulants or w/e for years shouldn't be left hanging. But then, in comes the Cerebral tech bros who decide to build their new business off prescribing stimulants to NEW patients... to "95%" of new patients, to be exact, because one of them actually admitted "100% would be a pill mill". (Oh yes, 95% is much better, not just a malicious loophole at all /s) Basically, a patient would have a single 30-minute video appointment, take one quiz that's meant to be a SCREENING tool (not a diagnostic tool! if you get a high score that's an indication you need MORE testing to confirm a possible diagnosis!) and then immediately get prescribed stimulants with no physical exam (no EKG, heart rate, or blood pressure, just for starters that any RESPONSIBLE doctor would do) and no further questions asked.—

—That would have been bad enough, but the advertising and shilling. Oh god, the advertising and shilling. Cerebral put out ads deliberately overstretching "signs you may have ADHD" in such a way that would put Tiktok influencers to shame (and we'll fucking get to that.) Like one ad implying that overeating sweets, something that literally everyone does at one point or another, is a sign you should make an appointment with Cerebral to get that sweet sweet Addy! And as for the real treat, the actual sponsorships. They had a fucking AFFILIATE CODE PROGRAM. Tiktokers would be like "use my code to get $30 off your first month!" for PSYCHIATRY. Not only that, but for psychiatry prescribing stimulants which are addictive and can kill you if you're not being carefully monitored for heart problems. Tiktokers and ads would also describe this service as a "life hack" and emphasize how easy it is to get stimulants through this one neat trick! Medical ethics is dead and we killed it. It got to the point that major pharmacies like CVS and Walgreens started refusing to fill prescriptions originating from Cerebral, because if/when a pill mill gets busted, pharmacies that filled the prescriptions can also be held liable. Think of the opioid epidemic for examples of the situation they were trying to avoid. They noticed how suspicious it was that ALL THE SUDDEN there was a huge flood of prescriptions for addictive drugs, ALL originating from the same few healthcare providers (mostly Nurse Practitioners rather than Medical Doctors, because MDs were more likely to call out the ethical/legal violations, but even many of the NPs who worked for Cerebral described feeling pressured by the corporate higher-ups to increase prescriptions and discourage waiting or further testing) Once this all came to a head Cerebral tried damage control by no longer prescribing stimulants to new patients. I haven't heard any updates on the regulatory investigations since then. But you know what I haven't seen that's even more telling? Not one, not a SINGLE one of the content creators who shilled for this company EVER apologized. For all they know they could have contributed to getting someone killed, not to mention life-ruining addictions, all for that sweet corporate sponsorship cash. Even if you argue they might not have known better at the time (to which I say bullshit, it's your responsibility to at least google the company to see if there's any red flags, Cerebral had more than a communist parade) even AFTER all this started making national news, it was just dead silence and moving on to the next corporate sponsor. But hey, if you're struggling with Adderall addiction, I know just the thing to help! Sign up for BetterHelp using code "SHILL" to get $10 off- *dies*

#polls #sponsorship smackdown #round 1

[mercurialbadger]

I understand the desire to make everyone keep the identities that they are comfortable in, but, like, sincerely, since when did keeping people comfortable became a good thing?..

My first molecular biology teacher who smoked constantly one or two cigarettes and had a very fitting smoke-related surname had this example against the synthetic evolution of Dobzhansky’s Fitness.

Snail’s shell provides an efficient - to a rather surprising degree - defense against osmotic, predator, parasitic stressors giving snails an incredible amount of resilience no doubt presented as fitness. Slugs, within this paradigm, lose quite a bit when they discard their shell due to lack of calcium or other abiotic pressure.

Yet slugs emerge all the fucking time, and slug-ification of nautilus-like cephalopod lineage within gastropods have resulted in emergence of The Most Successful group of molluscans, with unparalleled visual and colour acuity of cuttlefish, complex sociality of squid, excellent, if not the best among all protostomes (!) task-solving ability of octopus...

Fitness and resiliency, as a result, can not be deemed only qualities necessary for evolutionary niche maintenance, and especially not social one.

A coop of all the best egg-laying chickens will never be the best egg-laying coop of chickens.

Vulnerability IS potential, and while it is a good idea to hide it as to confuse the adversary about your future actions, but eliminating it means dooming yourself.

I think it is related to the point of an earlier post how capitalism hates excellence because it cannot comprehend “immeasurably good”, so it just overflows it to “immeasurably bad”.

Don’t let your worldly soul get lazy! Lest it sit twiddling its thumbs Your soul must work like it's a navvy Day after day, night after night! Make so it go from door to door, Drag it from one top onto another Along a path - all ruts and holes, Over a pass with snow covered! Don’t let it stay in bed, when seeing The early morning sunshine ray, Do keep your tightest rein on it, And treat the loafer like a slave. But if you cut your soul some slack And let it shirk from daily chores, The last shirt off your own back It will then steal with no remorse. If so, just grab it by the shoulders, Go teach it and nag it till the end, So that to behave like humans Your soul will have to learn again. It’s both a slave girl and a queen, It’s both a worker and your child It must work on a strict routine Day after day, night after night!

- Nikolay Zabolotsky, 1958 Translated by George G.

Our therapist said once that it’s a description of a neurosis... and it killed a desire for being healthy.

PTSR* is considered an actual malady by people outside of trauma psychiatry exactly because it’s a stress response to thing that should occur. If immense emotional strain causes only stress, leading to hypersensitization, without buildup of resiliency, which eradicates nonproductive sensitivity. Then it’s a disease.

But it’s so incredibly easy to put the blame on horrors instead of asking the questions of ‘why are incresingly smaller horrors producing larger detrimental effect?’, it’s so simple to make people take the pill or personal therapy or something to keep them from destroying themselves, instead of letting them improve themselves through strife and labour!

My higher nervous activity professor said that there is a single axiom in neurobiology similar to the Central Dogma and it’s a simple observation that:

- all nervous activity culminates in neuron activity;

- neurons are paracrine regulators of muscles or other neurons;

故に,

no nervous activity that does not terminate in modification of motor function can possibly exist.

As such, while I admit I have no qualms about letting newbies and schoolchildren have fun with words**, I find concepts of monoconscious or coconscious a bit... undeserving of the sort of attention and explanatory power they have acquired.

Attention is a measurable, quantitative, predictable value, commonly designated by a greek lowercase γ with a direct link to skill improvement. You can work on your attention to your own thoughts when not performing voluntary tasks, or to monitoring the world outside. But if you are “monoconscious“, it’s not clear what to do.

*You won’t force me to say “psychiatric disorder” anymore **Actually I do, as a person working in nuclear physics, plant physiology, molecular biology and model object synthetic biology I hate taxonomy with all my heart, being trans and plural is just a cherry on top of mounds of white toxic hatred.

#iris.txt #plural positivity #evolution

[hillbillyoracle]

A Mental Health/Shadow Work Rant

So something I get a lot since I talk about shadow work is “how is shadow work any different from self therapy?” and I used to take pains to explain that for me going through these sorts of exercise is directly tied to being better at witchcraft specifically, that not only does it help me step into my own sovereignty but also better decide what spellwork is appropriate and worth doing. 

But honestly, after two years of watching the pandemic making everything about mental health care exponentially worse, who fucking cares if someone uses shadow work to assist their mental health? 

I think this is where a lot of “progressive” folks really out themselves. I see so many people on here who will understand that not everyone has access to mental health care or if they do it’s in name only then still disparage people for trying to replace therapy. So if you’re not living in the right place with the right therapist for you and a job then what fuck off and suffer? “We need to fight for better healthcare” yes, and what do we do with the people who are dying right now? 

I got reminded of this when my partner had a psychiatry appointment this morning where she was requesting a nutrition deficiency panel and possible med changes because of some mood issues. Her doctor refused to look for any nutrient deficiencies and basically told her there was nothing to do because she needed to get into a DBT group - which she has been trying to do for a full four years now. He said to “make a real push”, didn’t offer any information on centers with openings. 

And this is basically the attitude I see so many supposedly “progressive” and even “leftist” folks take with mental health care - “therapy is the answer so you should go get it.” How? -hand wave -  

This sort of thing especially pisses me off when I see people use this as a response to sexism. “Wearing nail polish isn’t unlearning toxic masculinity and going to see an actual therapist is” - sort of shit. Most therapists are not trained or qualified to be helping men unlearn toxic masculinity or critically engage with gender. That’s the danger of thinking the institutions that built the problem can undo the problem. I know the point of that statement is usually to say men to learn to learn emotional self care and that is true but therapists are just as subject to their biases and often wind up reinforces sexist patterns if they’re not suitably self aware. 

It also really sets people up to let therapists set a pretty patronizing tone if you even make it in to a session. “Well everyone says this is supposed to fix me” kind of attitude. And I’ve watched person after person stay with therapists who just kind of fucking sucked long past when they should have bailed. 

I don’t like to just rattle off a list of problems without at least some ideas of how to do better so what do I personally think would actually help?

We could switch the conversation from “get a therapist or ???” to “here’s how to evaluate whether a mental health resource that isn’t necessarily a therapist is a good fit or not”. 

We could build more peer-to-peer support networks. I’ve been a part of 7Cups for years now but it’s definitely not terribly reliable in any sense of the word. I think it’s pretty telling the same people who rail who are so “concerned” about people doing self therapy aren’t as concerned about 12 Step programs, you know? We need more peer to peer models that accommodate people who might not be grappling with substance abuse or codependency. 

We need to train more people in psychological first aid. Much like actual first aid training, psychological first aid training is currently cost prohibitive and scheduled during times a lot of people can’t make it. We need to get more of that training out to the public in general. Some people are working on this but I don’t think it’s happening widely enough. 

We need more people who have training working to train people who cannot access training through the conventional educational system. Creating training programs for people who want to be of support to their communities and perhaps even certification programs that allow them to show others what they know. We need norms for alternative psychological education and ways to demonstrate competency in more transparent ways like writing/portfolios, certifications, and perhaps even apprenticeships. 

But mostly I think we need to stop acting like the current system is available or good for most people and not rip folks to shreds for pursuing alternative avenues. 

Anywho, that’s my rant. Just real frustrated at how fucking bad the mental health system is and how people treat it like it’s some sort of cure all. Western Medicine is not infallible. It really good for some things but it also takes the tools we’ve used to tend to our communities for generations and sells it back to us. Would really love to see Leftists build more mental health models that aren’t dependent on corporations or the State. 

[kirksfattitties]

asks you can smell the privilege and internalized ableism radiate from

(tw for ableism and other bigoted implications)

i’m bad at reading tone but even i understand that this is 100% you being condescending and trying to cover it up with smiley faces and false sincerity. and i don’t appreciate that.

before i get into deconstructing your shitty ableist argument, i want to explain the reasons i believe in self diagnosis (self-dx):

even professional diagnosis doesn’t start with a doctor diagnosing you. there has to be a reason for seeing the doctor. some people see a doctor in their adult life because they’re struggling, some people are taken by their parents, some people are referred or suggested that they see a specialist. whatever it is, you don’t just see a doctor and they magically give you a neurodivergency. people have neurodivergencies before they see doctors and even if they NEVER see a doctor.

the psychiatry system is flawed in MANY ways and to say that it isn’t means you’re denying the experiences of people with less privledge than yourself. also like psychiatry isn’t gonna suck your dick. you don’t have to be a bootlicker lol

in many places (hi hello i’m from america where our government tries to indirectly kill us by not providing us with adequate healthcare! i and many other people have many issues we can’t get fixed because simply our government cares more about the economy than us), seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist or going to a mental hospital or WHATEVER is INCREDIBLY expensive. and to assume that everyone has access and enough time/money/energy/transportation/whatever to do all of that is classist and elitist.

ANYTHING medical (including mental health) is biased towards white cis men. most studies are done on white cis men/boys. because of this, people who aren’t white cis men (or people who aren’t perceived as white cis men) are often not diagnosed. the system is racist. the system is sexist. the system is transphobic. people don’t know how to diagnose autism or adhd or personality disorders or other neurodivergencies or even mental illnesses in black people and other people of color, in women, in trans people, etc. and GOD FORBID someone be in multiple (or all) of those categories. saying “just go get diagnosed :)” is a privileged statement to make.

shocker! the psychiatry system is also ableist. if you’re already diasabled (whether it be mental or physical) and you see a doctor about ANOTHER disability? the doctor is most likely going to shoot you down. or at least be weary about someone having mutliple disabilities.

also most people who diagnose are neurotypical. they have never and will probably never experience neurodivergency so they can never fully understand it. they operate off of stereotypes of neurodivergent people and usually only stereotypical behavior of neurodivergent white cis men (which, as i mentioned before, is problematic for anyone who isn’t a white cis man). neurotypical diagnosers don’t know the neurodivergent culture and aren’t trained to recognize very common things (like masking for example).

a professional diagnosis can also be weaponized. not everyone can get a professional diagnosis because there are some neurodivergencies (such as autism and personality disorders) and mental illnesses (like depression) that can have legal and medical respercussions to have in your record. trans people can be denied medical and legal transition for being professionally diagnosed. people can lose custody battles for being professionally diagnosed. a professional diagnosis can be used as justification for taking away someone’s body autonomy (especially if that person is also physically disabled).

a LOT of neurodivergencies also have some type of symptom (or symptoms) that make it difficult to interact with people. troubles recognizing facial expressions, troubles understanding certain phrases and types of speech, paranoid about people, audio processing issues, being nonverbal in an environment that doesn’t accommodate for it, overstimulation, extreme social anxiety, discomfort in new situations, problems with eye contact, and a lot more. because like. for many nd people, interacting with people is very difficult and stressful. and hey. if you want to get a professional diagnosis? take a WILD guess what you have to do? FUCKING INTERACT with people! LIKE?? JEHDJJDKEKKDKDKDS. do you know how many professionally diagnosed nd people i know who made their appointment COMPLETELY on their own without help from a parent or family member or friend? LITERALLY ZERO! and i know A FEW nd people who have professional diagnoses! so if someone has social issues that prevent them from doing tasks like calling and making an appointment, showing up for an appointment, talking during the appointment, etc and ALSO doesn’t have familial or friend support (because newsflash! people who are friends/family of disabled people can still be ableist)? almost impossible to get a diagnosis! plus, the diagnosis process is TIME CONSUMING. not everyone can focus on a task for that long and not everyone can miss work/school for that long.

so those are the reasons i support self-dx. (although there’s probably more that i’m forgetting but i have adhd and it’s hard for me to remember things!)

so hopefully you now understand my reasons for believing in self-dx, and perhaps even you’re pro-self-dx now because before you were just uneducated on these issues and how they impact people who aren’t you.

but in case you’re still anti-self-dx and probably hate already-marginalized neurodivergent people, let’s talk about this horrendous ask (series of asks, actually) that i got sent. i feel like i can feel the self hatred and internalized ableism OOZING from this ask and into my inbox, so thanks for that i guess /s

“Sometimes people who self diagnose can take away from those who are actually nd, even sometimes from themselves.”

starting out strong with the ableism on this one by separating people into “self diagnosed” and “actually nd” people. self diagnosed people ARE actually nd

there’s not a limited number of nd resources. this isn’t a math equation of only x amount of people can be nd because there’s only y amount of resources. more people realizing they’re nd will actually MAKE more resources for nd people and will bring more awareness to being nd

even IF someone self diagnosed, and they go back on it later, what harm was done? they learned some coping mechanisms? they made some nd friends? neither of those are problematic and i think they’re both actually very helpful. i think nt people SHOULD learn more about nd people and stuff because i think that will lead to WAYYY less misunderstandings and WAYYYY less ableism

“There are many people who fake nds for attention,”

hey anon, what fucking world do you live in that nd’s are cool enough to fake having? because i would LOVE to live there. like, i literally had a post about my personality disorder (which i will not be specifying) i had to delete because people were sending my anons about how i was “scary” and “threatening” now that they knew i had the personality disorder i have. last year i left a discord server because the ableism i was recieving from not only the members of the server, but the mods as well. there are very few people i know irl who i tell about my personality disorder, but when i tell people about my adhd, they start treating me different. they infantalize me and make fun of me and use “jokes” about stereotypical adhd behaviors to alienate me and they even TELL OTHER PEOPLE without my permission. i was SEVERELY bullied throughout elementary and middle school for being nd. i have been refused job and educational opportunities as well as literal medical attention for being nd. people aren’t “faking” being nd, and if they were they probably wouldn’t be doing it for long because it’s not something that’s EASY to deal with.

kinda ironic that you’re saying people can’t diagnose themselves but that YOU can tell when someone is faking their diagnosis. that’s both hypocritical and a double standard.

masking exists. if you think someone isn’t “acting nd enough” they’re probably masking because they’ve been fucking bullied and harrassed. also you’re probably basing whatever you think nd is on stereotypes. not every nd person is sheldon cooper lol.

this is a side note but can we talk about how you’re literally just taking transmed rhetoric and molding it to fit nd people? like. you really come onto MY NONBINARY NEURODIVERGENT blog and expect me to validate your recycled “but what about the REAL [insert group] people?” ??? like grow up, elitist. you’re not better than anyone else just because you lick some boots 🥾 👅

“and claiming that self diagnosis (and this is just what I interpreted) is just as valid as professional diagnosis”

it is 😌

the only difference between self diagnosis and professional diagnosis is that a professional diagnosis can also get you medicine. not every neurodivergency needs meds and not every neurodivergency can be treated (at this time or even ever). for example, my pd (self diagnosed) doesn’t have a specific treatment but multiple symptoms of the pd (all professionally diagnosed) have specific treatments and medicines that work, so patients are given/diagnosed with/prescribed those instead. also, medicine doesn’t work for everyone! and sometimes people are allergic to or take medicines that will conflict with any new medicine.

“can really devalue the account of someone who actually has a disorder”

here we go again with that “self diagnosed” vs “actually nd” bullshit. literally just say you hate poor people n minorities and leave lol

someone having a different experience than you isn’t devaluing you, but if you’re the one who always has the spotlight maybe you should use your privledge uplift other marginalized people instead of feeling angry when everything isn’t all about you 100% of the time

“I have a second ask”

i don’t want it

“Plus it can be damaging for a person if they self diagnose wrong.”

how? what if they learn information that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise known like coping mechanisms that help them with their own neurodivergencies? that’s definitely not a bad thing

i think it’s funny that you bring up that people can self diagnose wrong and don’t even MENTION that doctors can diagnose wrong. like. you know. the people who GIVE OUT MEDICINE to people. i think it’s MUCH more dangerous when a PROFESSIONAL diagnosis is wrong. what are self-dx people with wrong diagnoses gonna do? read up on nd tips? maybe smoke some weed? drink some coffee? that’s about all they can do with a self-dx. but if a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL gives you an INCORRECT diagnosis, they can ACTUALLY fuck you up.

“I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, a disorder which I would have never considered I’d have.”

that’s great about your professional diagnosis! i don’t know you but i’m glad you’re finding out about yourself and getting the help you want and/or need /srs

sorry if this sounds blunt, but honestly i’m not surprised you never considered you could have PTSD. based on your asks, you sound like you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to work through and a lot more research about neurodiversity you need to do. being anti-self diagnosis is a common belief among a lot of people with internalized ableism and a lot of these same people are the ones who have no issue with and even SUPPORT auti$m $peaks. many nd organizations that are run BY nd people (like asan) actually support self-dx.

“If I had of diagnosed my own symptoms and then started treating myself or taking precautions based on my self diagnosed "condition", it could of really hurt me.”

how? taking precautions to preserve your mental health is NEVER a bad idea. i’m not ptsd, but someone i care deeply about DOES have ptsd and has shared a lot of the precautions and coping mechanisms for ptsd with me and honestly they’ve been incredibly helpful. it’s almost as if different neurodivergencies and/or mental illnesses have overlap and that’s why there’s a whole community for us to be able to share these resources and information with each other!

the same person was rejected a formal autism diagnosis because of their ptsd, plus the fact that they’re transgender and the fact they have symptoms of adhd. it’s not really my place to talk about their experience with professional diagnosis, but i’ll send this post to them and allow them to add on their experience in a rb if they’re comfortable with that. but it’s almost as if their experience with the professional diagnosis process was unhelpful, harmful, ableist, and transphobic 🧐 and unfortunately this is a pretty common experience

“Also, by self diagnosing, I devalue the account of a person with the disorder l assumed I had.”

how? if someone thinks they’re nd, they have a legitimate reason for thinking so. either they have another neurodivergency than the one they thought they had, or they’re neurotypical and need to figure themself out and have a need for support. either way, they learned more about the specific neurodivergency, more about the nd community, and more about themself. i don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

if you think self-diagnosed people’s experiences inherently have less value, that is straight up ableism. especially considering that other marginalized identities and minorities have trouble getting professional diagnoses, you might also be bigoted in some other way. or at the very least, refusing to acknowledge your privilege.

“only one more I promise”

i don’t want it

“I understand that doctors are expensive and professionals can get it wrong,”

okay. if you understand this, then dm me your information so i can bill you for the cost of my professional diagnoses, the cost for my therapy sessions, the cost for my medicine, and the cost for transportation to and from all these places. PLUS the cost of the work and school i’ll be missing for these sessions. 🤲

“but self diagnosis can be really harmful to yourself or others.”

nah, you’re just ableist and a gatekeeper lol

“If you feel like you have a disorder, go see a psychiatrist, you may have it.”

[remembers when i went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with two major symptoms of a personality disorder and said i had other symptoms of the pd as well but refused to diagnose me with the actual personality disorder because i was a minor at the time and he told me “kids don’t have personalities so they can’t have personality disorders”. i understand being weary about diagnosing children with personality disorders because they aren’t fully developed but this dude straight up told me that i didn’t have a personality. this man literally only worked with children so that means he literally never diagnosed personality disorders. this man was literally just lazy and didn’t care about his patients. this man also refused to believe me when i told him the medicine he prescribed me made my symptoms worse and even made me hallucinate. he ignored me and refused to change my medicine so eventually i just changed psychiatrists and they put me on a new medicine that DIDNT make my symptoms worse and DIDNT make me hallucinate. also i looked it up after our session and apparently ONLY people with my pd and related ones experience hallucinations on that certain medication. it’s almost like his refusal to diagnose me and ignoring my symptoms/concerns harmed me. this man also constantly misgendered me and told me that homosexuality and transgenderism should’ve still been in the dsm. like golly, it’s almost as if being queer and neurodivergent in an extremely conservative state is harmful and dangerous. and that psychiatrists aren’t immune from being homophobic and transphobic and ableist.] but yes :) perhaps i should see another psychiatrist in this conservative state :)

“I don't want to undermine anyone's actual experiences, but it can be dangerous.”

then stop undermining people’s actual experiences :)

no ❤️

“If you feel like something's wrong, go see a professional.”

the whole point of the neurodiversity movement is that there IS no such thing as a “normal” brain, so saying that neurodivergent people have something “wrong” with them is ableist.

💰 🤲 hand it over

“I don't want to offend, I just don't want anyone to get mislead or hurt. :)”

you absolutely meant to offend. you literally said that self-diagnosed people’s experiences aren’t valid and have less value than people who have professional diagnoses

i know more people who have been (and personally have been) mislead and hurt by professionals than by simply existing as a self-diagnosed person

also i want to say that being pro-self dx is NOT being anti-professional/formal diagnosis. i think that people should absolutely get a professional diagnosis (if they are able to without negative repercussions)! being pro-self dx is more inclusive of marginalized people (like people of color, women, lgbtq+ people, people with multiple disabilities, etc). pro-self dx is simply just saying that professional diagnosis isn’t the only option

(neurotypical people and anti-self dx people don’t add anything; pro-self dx neurodivergent people are allowed to add with their experiences if they want)

#asks #long post #nd adventures #ableism tw #sexism tw #racism tw #transphobia tw #misgendering mention #medical abuse mention #not star trek #homophobia tw

[humanoidmindbox]

Us Vs. Them

Abstract

In this essay, I will be assessing my personal feelings and attitudes toward different and defined groups. During this analysis, I will be breaking up the population into four groups: Us, Them, Allies, and Enemies. These groups have been formulated by and based on the workings and fields of psychology, psychiatry, individuals with mental illnesses (including me) and how societal norms fit into issues raised in this paper. I hope you find this to be worthwhile and I hope this sparks the fire of your intellectual flame.

-‐----------------------------------------

The American population, in the terms of mental illness, psychology, and sociology, fall into one of four categories which are detailed below:

US

This group of people are those who suffer from profound mental illness. The affliction must be (Your illness doesn't have to be all of these things, but it must be most of them):

Chronic; recurring; cause suffering; affect your relationships with others; make it so you cannot keep a job; make it so you cannot function in society; possibly get government compensation for your illness; *been hospitalized in the psych ward; been arrested when your symptoms were active; reckless and/or impulsive behaviors; suicide attempt(s); and became violent when your symptoms were active. 

Them

These people are the majority of the population. They blindly follow pop culture and buy into what the masses are doing, believing, and saying. They do not have severe mental illness although they may be diagnosed with the garden-variety depression and anxiety. They have never been to inpatient for mental disorders, except maybe once, a long time ago. They will try to relate to you when it comes to mental health but they are just regurgitating what the trendy treatments and hardships are (the commonplace “social anxiety” is on the rage right now). In the inpatient hospital, the Them are the hospital staff. Especially the ones who give you the shot and put you in isolation. They are the ones who pink slip you and call the police. They think drugs are bad. You can’t truly trust Them. They don’t understand you and they probably never will. Most of Them are not hateful or mean. They are just ignorant, inexperienced, and constantly lecturing you or preaching to you. Most of Them view you as less-than, whether it is intended or not. 

Allies

Imagine a straight line down the middle of a square. This divides the “Us” and “Them” that we already went over. But directly on that line, not leaning to one side or the other, sits the “Allies.” The Us’s allies have most likely not gone to the mental hospital except maybe once, long ago. But they have a mental illness that brings them suffering. They may be in mental health treatment. They struggle almost every day and their behaviors reflect that. They are a part of society and will never and have never been deemed unfit to be a working part of society. They get along with others although they feel like no one completely understands them. They do not blindly follow all of pop culture’s rules and trends. They support the Us. We can trust them somewhat. They are our allies. 

Enemies 

The Enemies only exist within the “Them” group. They are the ones we must watch the most carefully and never trust. Most of “Us'' do not have many Enemies on the outside but we have plenty of Enemies on the inside (inpatient). The Enemies at the hospital are those who give you the shot after they have to hold you down when you’re screaming and thrashing around because you’re so fucking freaked out. They are the ones who put you in four point restraints and let you “tire yourself out.” On the outside, the police are the Enemy for apprehending you while they get a pink slip. They are anyone who pink slips you. The Enemy tells you that you’re crazy when you know you are doing well. They threaten the hospital and hang it over your head. The Enemy treats you unfairly because something that you cannot control or help is wrong with you. The reason why Them can never be fully trusted is because any one of Them could become the Enemy at any time.

-------------------------------------------------------

I first felt the “Us Vs. Them” divide when I started frequenting mental hospitals. And when I started showing signs of severe  symptoms of mental illness. In the hospital, you are a “rat in a cage” (Smashing Pumpkins song) with the staff holding the only key to get out. A drastic power imbalance exists between the staff and the patient: we are the prisoners and they are the guards. All we want to do is get out. All we want to do is go home. And if not home, then at least to a different, free place. 

When I had my major mental breakdown/manic episode of winter 2019, I had been taking my medications- they were just the wrong ones. In the cage, you must take your medications, whether you want to or not. Whether you trust Them or not. If you refuse medication, They take you to court and get a court order forcing you to take your medication while you are inpatient. 

There are some key ways that the “Us” and the “Them” are different in the mental hospital dynamic. They own your body: you are forced to take medications, you are locked in a box (hopefully not isolation). You can’t hurt yourself and if you do, you will stay longer (same goes for violence against others). They control your behaviors: They deem what is “appropriate” and “inappropriate” behaviors. If you break the rules surrounding these behaviors, you will get the shot, isolation, moved to a worse ward (for the more violent and disruptive patients), restraint holds, staying longer, or any combination of these events. The worst one I can think of is moving wards up a number. They try to brain-wash you: They say: “There is only one way to live life and we know the correct way to live it.” “The correct way to live is only what we arbitrarily and subjectively call “healthy coping mechanisms” and you must abandon all “unhealthy” ones in order to live life correctly and avoid being society’s pariah.” “Your only hope to be a functioning person is to abide by the teachings of CBT and DBT. All other methods will not work.” They have the opinion that their methods of recovery always  work and if you are not having positive effects from their treatments, you must be doing it wrong- they deny that their treatments do not work for everybody and fail to recognize that the “bad” coping mechanisms are the only way that certain people can get by.

When you are mandated as an inpatient in the hospital, you have no rights. They take away your rights as a person. They tell you where to go, what to eat, and they control how long you are in there, what medication you take, and worst of all- when you get put down like a dog with a shot or when you switch to a more severe level. You are treated like an animal in a cage, and there is nothing that you can do about it. Losing control of your own body to this degree leads to something inside of you breaking  and you turning into a feral animal (hospital song). After that happens (especially if it happens multiple times), you are never the same. 

There are laws to keep other people from harming you or your property. I believe that it is a good thing that these laws are in place and that they should be upheld. But there are also laws that are made to prevent you from harming yourself and I don’t think such laws should exist. Once again, I question what the authorities, our working society (Them) and the masses (Them) deem “harmful” and ultimately illegal.

Most people in society simply follow popular culture. They just look to what the majority of others do and follow suit. But they have blinders on: they don’t see that they come up with justifications and sorry attempts at reasons to back-up their choice to blindly follow the majority.

The authorities and society says:

Drugs = Bad→ Laws against it.

Self-harm = Bad→ No laws against it but there is intense societal disapproval and shaming connected to it.

*It is the least harmful on this list because it does not alter your mood or drastically change your brain chemistry for prolonged periods of time. But, apparently, it is the most shocking and the most taboo. 

Medication = Good→ Sometimes there are laws enforcing it.  

I believe all of these things can be good or bad depending on the specific person that it affects. Everyone is different and if you simply follow what pop culture’s opinion is on these issues without looking into them further, it shows ignorance, a lack of curiosity and exploration, rigidity, and a propensity towards the judgement of others. It often signifies that the “Them” in question is too weak to think for themselves and to withstand society’s brainwashing. 

I will never think of cutting or drugs as “bad coping skills.” “Good coping skills” consist of talking about your issues and crying according to the “Them.” And according to the hospitals, CBT, and DBT, good coping skills include activities like aroma therapy and drawing. But what do these things do? Nothing. You need a release or a change in the state of mind. Talking about what upsets you is just reliving it all over again. Plus, what if you do not trust anyone enough to tell them what's on your mind? Crying is bullshit. I feel that it is pathetic for me to cry. That’s just how I feel. I have trained myself not to. So why should I do something detrimental to myself when I am already in distress? “Good” coping skills don’t really work and only the simple-minded buy into them. “Bad” coping skills shouldn’t be judged as bad or taboo just because others have all-or-none thinking about them when it's the only thing that helps some people.

Medication: Taking medication should be the mentally ill’s choice. Medication is not right for everybody; it is not always the best thing to do. Not everyone likes themselves on medication. Who are we to judge if a person is the “correct” version of themselves or not? Forcing someone to take psychiatric medications is rooted in a power and control structure that overshadows others. I believe that we should leave others alone when it comes to this and let them live how they want to live. Just because we’re mentally ill, doesn't mean we have to do what you want with our bodies anymore.

In conclusion, I believe individuals and society as a whole should look beyond the systems of the law, procedures in mental health facilities, standard practices of therapies, pop culture trends/rules , and societal norms to find each of our unique spots in this society. We need to rethink what is considered “unhealthy” and what is “healthy” and why we put actions into those categories. We need to be more open and steer clear of letting others dictate what we believe. I’m tired of being lectured and shamed. Let's move on together. 

#mental hospital #mental illness #mental health #mental disorder #essay #prose #prose essay #sociology #abnormal psychology #psych #psychology #psychology student

[misinformedgenic]

The last post on this god awful blog

Hello, I ask everyone who see’s this to unfollow this blog, if you are following me. I can’t look at the reblogs and posts I posted anymore, without feeling incredibly embarassed and I know that I am being aggressive to the people who gave me notes but you know what I don’t care.

(Overall trigger warning: trauma,syscourse,swearing and apologies.)

My message for those who are anti-endogenic:

(tw: abelism,mental ilness)

The truth is, whether all systems are formed by trauma or some can be born that way or it can be formed by something else, it really doesn’t matter. All endogenic systems are just trying to exist and communicate their experiences, and instead of listening and supporting those who might experience their plurality differently from you, you just villanize them and insult them and do the exact same thing that neurotypicals have been doing to us for YEARS. Calling us fake, saying we are trying to get attention, saying we should be ashamed of ourselves for “appropriaiting” from people who had a more severe form of an illness or was priveliged enough to get a diagnosis . If you are traumagenic and you haven’t had that kind of experience, I genuinely envy you. That shit was done to me and it really hurt me. People called me attention seeking for saying I was depressed,or had social anxiety or that I was transgender, or that I was traumatised or plural when all I was trying to do was be myself openly and to accept myself. Why is it that when someone who experiences some sort of plurality and they don’t feel comfortable assosciating their system with trauma, you jump straight to accusing them of something as awful as FAKING or BEING A THIEF!

And yes I know being endogenic means it’s not an illness, but being called a fake for expressing who you truly are when you’ve been forced to hide who you are is such a awful experience. How could you be so callous and careless to even risk that happening to someone else, even once more, in this cruel world. Even if every single endogenic system, who says I can’t help being a plural, was trauma genic, they still associate themselves with that word, endogenic. When you say something horrible about endogenic systems, you are doing so much damage to those people. I mean, to assume without a shadow of a doubt that every single “veritable” endogenic system is actually traumagenic with the limited amount of understanding of DID/OSDD IN ITSELF, as opposed to how this phenomenon could work outside of a disordered framework, really shows you have your head far up your ass. But even then, it doesn’t matter because whether they ended up being traumagenic or not, according to science, no one deserves that treatment.

Even then,in regards to the post on this blog that got the most notes, we need to understand that people with plurality are forced to label their pluraility as a symptom of a disorder. Many systems who needed psychiatry and systems who didn’t and just masked themselves mingled, and they shared terms. This is still happening today, more then ever.

(Just in case you want to know, fictive is not a term used in psychology or psychiatry. It literally came from the soul bonding community, and people who are anti endogenic are still using it. If you don’t believe me use a web browser, and provide some sources to prove otherwise. I didn’t know this, and I’m not going to tag the OP who told me this,because I’m not sure whether they want to be tagged, but thank you. I felt pretty humiliated but it helped to come to realize what I was doing was wrong and that my opinions were wrong, and it helped me to become a kinder and more understanding individual.)

And we need to understand that systems shouldn’t be forced to be involved in exploring their plurality through a lense of trauma, because for many it doesn’t make sense because thats not how they experience it. Even if it is repressed memories ,sometimes or always, systems need a space to be systems without talking about trauma or applying trauma to it. DID and OSDD spaces are not providing that and in those spaces trauma is going to be talked about. Systems shouldn’t have to force themselves to think about trauma and go through pain, just to be able to call themselves a plural and have people acknowledge and accept them.

My message for any endogenic systems and their supporters:

I apologize for everything that you had to go through, from me and my behaviour. My behaviour was terrible and none of you deserved it at all. You deserve so much more than what you get from the anti-endogenic crowd, and you are absolutely valid, and I hope that in the future things will be easier all of you. You deserve love, acceptance and support, and I hope that nobody will ever be able to take that reality from you. You are doing nothing wrong by just being a plural, and it’s really sad that people were and still are fighting about this. Fuck anyone who says otherwise. 

Conclusion:

(tw: s***** abuse,ableism,self hatred)

I know I was guilty of what I criticized, and that is really embarassing, but I’m glad I realize that now. I admit I was angry because I was jealous and bitter and I didn’t understand the history properly around this community or how it formed. I went through a lot of online g******g and s***al abuse and my experience with being a system was horrible, I had to deal with alters who had horrible del****ns and wanted to incite gruesome s*** h*** and wanted to k*** me. My system has introjects of my a****rs and random men I see on the streets making pe****ted comments at me pretty much all the time, and I was really jealous of systems who could experience the joys of being a system while avoiding the horrible parts. It made me feel worthless and inferior, because all the interesting and fun parts of being a system could be paraded on TikTok or whether and displayed by people who weren’t f***ed *p and dis*****ng like I was. I am not saying that’s the only basis as to why anti-endogenics hold their opinions, but I am saying this because if you ever see those anti-endogenic posts of mine somewhere and I am very passive agressive or vicious, that’s where it comes from and it isn’t objective or fair.

end of abuse trigger warning.

I decided that I am going to delete all the mean comments I made on other people’s posts that didn’t get any response, so that not another person has to see it again, and for which did get a response I am going to apologize to all those I harmed. If you want to respond to my argument, I can’t stop you from reblogging and making a comment, and that’s your freedom on this website, but I am not going to be replying because discourse on here is so nasty and I’m just done with that. I would rather help contribute to a community of people who feel isolated and who will be empowered by building a culture around plurality, whether that be around trauma or not. I’m tired of focusing on my trauma, it’s in the past and I don’t give a shit about it. It just sucks and I hate it and I am done with it. I will need therapy for it of course,yadi ya, but in terms of my limited free time on this earth I would rather contribute to making people feel happy and supported then argue and be angry about something that is kind of pointless anyway.

So bye, I would like to make a normal system blog in the future and we’ll be using the same names but for now I need to shut the fuck up and reflect. 

- Luca

Also hey, on a additional note, my name is Milo and I allowed my name to be associated with this blog and it was irresponsible and unkind for me to do promote this kind of thinking. I am really sorry for any harm I caused by being a part of this blog. Additionally Stanley understands that his post on pride flags was inaccurate and he made some very nasty comments/did some nasty stuff to, he is very sorry to all those he harmed with his previous posts. He is in a really bad situation at the moment, which has gotten worse over time, he is a trauma holder and he is in a lot of emotional turmoil,so neither me or Luca wanted him to be involved in writing this specific post, but that doesn’t mean what he did was okay and all three of us recognize this now.

Best regards,

Milo.

[maddiviner]

Esoteric Empathy Rant

Probably a lot of you have seen @edhellenarn��s post about esoteric empathy and the necessity of empaths staying in their own lane, so to speak.

I wanted to just make a separate post to add a bit of my own thoughts. Suffice to say, I agree with most of what the OP is saying, but there is more that can be said, as well, concerning the modern “empath” identity trend as it has developed over the years.

The main problem I have with a lot of folks who self-identify as empaths is, well... they seem to lack empathy, and will often minimize other people’s trauma and/or attempt to invalidate the perspectives and experiences of others. 

By “lack empathy,” I mean that they usually are very preoccupied by the alleged “suffering” their “gift” causes them, unwilling to listen to possible solutions, and generally turn things into a pity Olympics, especially on social media sites like Facebook.

I had one lady in a group go on at length about how her empathy was so strong that she couldn’t leave her house, even to take out the garbage, because the pain others caused her was so great, despite all the crystals she’d gotten to help her ground herself.

When I suggested maybe she should consider cognitive behavioral therapy in lieu (or in addition) to the crystals and try to get herself to a better place, she made a separate post implying that I was an “inauthentic” person and a “psychic vampire” trying to feed off of her by having the gall to suggest she might need someone to talk to like that.

It’s weird because I wasn’t sealioning or anything - I genuinely thought my comments might be helpful. I mean, I have certain empathic abilities myself and CBT really helped me cut through a lot of stuff in order to hone them and become a better friend to those I care about.

Oh yes, “psychic vampires,” the favorite topic of the empath world. That and “narcissists,” even though most of these people know fuck-all about psychology or what NPD even is. 

I was in one group on Facebook for a while, just for empaths, and almost every single post was someone going on about all the evil narcissists in their life.

Oh, their spouse is a narcissist! And it turns out their boss is, too, and the mailman, and oh, they need to buy six more crystals to counteract this horrible assault.

I never tried it, but I’m pretty sure if I’d brought up that NPD is an actual mental illness (not some magic energy suck woo thing, either), I’d have been banned and probably declared to be a narcissist/vampire myself.

That seems to be the favorite tactic of a lot of the more toxic in the New Age psychic/empath community - “Anyone who questions me is a narcissist and therefore evil.”

I’ll be honest, I don’t actually know that much about NPD, but I’m pretty damn sure a personality disorder doesn’t make someone a reprobate evil energy sucker or whatever. 

I mean, sure, if someone in your life is acting toxic, you can and shoot evade them, regardless of whether they have a mental illness or not but... c’mon. 

I don’t believe it when these folks claim every single person they disagree with, dislike, or interact with unfavorably is a “narcissist.” I mean, really, plenty of people with or without mental illness can be abusive; no reason to turn a personality disorder into some big bad woo bogeyman.

 If anyone reading this knows a bit more about NPD, I’d love to get a perspective on this, because, like I said, my experience with personality disorders is limited and I’m no psychologist.

And plus, the whole thing just reeks of “spectral evidence” in a witch trial.

It’s basically, “Some people are evil, but I can tell they’re evil and warn people! Even if nobody else knows!” It’s pretty easy for someone who’s set themselves up as psychic to target their enemies by claiming to “sense” something that nobody else can prove.

On that note, some of the most cringeworthy moments I’ve seen have involved the “empath” identity folks trying to talk about mental illness. As I said, they seem to see NPD (and sometimes, any personality disorder) as some kind of evil woo-woo thing. To me? That’s asinine, completely.

When it comes to mood disorders like I have, they tend to write them off as “misdiagnosed empathy.” In fact, a lot of sites and blogs around the internet (less so on Tumblr) will whine about the evils of psychiatry and how it’s just an attempt to suppress the magical empath gift.

The thing is, none of the people saying this seem to understand what (for example) bipolar disorder actually is. 

They seem to think it’s just moodiness or feeling sad sometimes. It’s kind of impossible to explain to them the realities of mania and depression because most people will never experience them.

And, if you use a bit of logic, you can easily see why (in most cases) bipolar disorder wouldn’t be “misdiagnosed empathy.” The mood states you see in bipolar are, by definition, neuroatypical.

They aren’t seen “in the wild,” in neurotypicals. It’d be impossible to experience a mania empathically from being around a bunch of regular people because regular people do not experience mania.

I guess that maybe if you’re an extremely strong empath and constantly around someone with bipolar, you might deal with blowback from their moods, but I doubt it because I don’t think most people’s neurology is even conducive to having those experiences. I’m no neurologist, though, and I could be wrong.

So yeah, I get tired of people telling me I just need to “ground, center, and shield” like a good lil empath, and how my meds are “dampening” my “gift.” I usually just change the subject whenever it comes up because it’s easier than explaining how mania and depression actually work.

I mean, if anything, those experiences seem to make me (might not be true for everyone) less able to read other’s emotions, because the low self-esteem that came with my depression just caused me to assume the whole world hated me.

So yeah. I think the “empath identified” community is in dire need of cleaning itself out a bit and reformulating how it approaches this kind of thing.

On Tumblr, there are many genuine people and many genuine empaths, and you barely see any of this kind of thing on here. Still, I’ve seen enough of it out in the world that I thought it was worth posting/ranting about.

At this point, I rarely dare even call myself an empath (even though I definitely have an esoteric empathy “thing” going on, particularly with animals) just because I don’t want to be associated with this.

That doesn’t mean the concept is irredeemable, though - there’s been a lot of good books written recently about empathy, managing and honing it.

I recommend almost all the works of Raven Digitalis on the subject (Everyday Empath and Esoteric Empathy), and, heck, a lot of “mundane” books on CBT and even DBT can help with improving your functioning and best using your gifts.

I hope this post isn’t too offensive to everyone - I just wanted to get this off my chest, since I’d been pondering it for a while.

#witchblr #witchcraft #witch #empath #empathy #occult #eliza.txt #rant #long post #facebook #magick #magic #psychic #psychic abilities #mental illness #bipolar disorder #narcissists #narcissism #personality disorders

[24hs]

the bee’s guts

summary: She was back at her parents’ house, but it felt like she had left home.

or

A pathological liar and someone pathologically fixated on brutal honesty.

pairings: nicomaki

words: 2000+

warnings: a little bit of everything if were being honest but only mentions

also readable here

As the day shifts into night, her thoughts become more incoherent as the light fades.

As the day shifts into night, her thoughts become more incoherent as the light fades.

It has been like this… for how long, exactly? Hours or years, she couldn’t tell. She had to find out that vodka makes her sleepy, while whiskey leaves a comfortable burning sensation in her throat. An ambitious mixture of both works best to break out from the night and get to saving daylight quickly.

She doesn’t always fight them. Sometimes, the weakness is stronger.

(Nico would call it strength, maybe bravery. Nico used to be very hung up on being brave and being honest and being soft.)

Maki’s fingers act before her brain can think. At first hesitant – as if that was to undo her rotten intentions -, then quick, she can’t ever go back, she lights up match for match. Lets them fall onto the ground, carefully holds them onto curtains until she sees the chaos in her mind on her fingertips.

She doesn’t leave the room she spent most of her childhood until she’s forcefully dragged out of it. The noise outside finds a way into her head like a parasite, buzzing loudly and pressing violently against the inside of her skull. They’re yelling at her. For what she has done or for who she is, she doesn’t know. It doesn’t matter. She only cares a little bit.

As she refuses to make any movement to save herself from the inferno she created, the people around her grab her arms and pull at her like a doll. Apparently, they do not care if she gets a few bruises as long as she gets out alive. She wonders, what’s the point? If they revive her with stitches and she turns out to be a sheer mask of her old self, patched up and heavily made-up in order to hide what she truly is.

Is that better than dying true to yourself?

They get her out of the room that was once, very briefly, home. As they pass the burning photos on melting walls ; photos of her on her birthdays, with her parents, on events and galas ; her ceramic smile becoming more and more fragile ; her lips turn into a snarl. She stills grins as they’re hauling her out of the burning, yet so cold, cold room.

 “The doctors said you’re fine”, her father spits. “Why are you acting up again? Don’t you ever think about your parents?”

Maki doesn’t answer. (She thinks her doctors are liars, possibly simple suck-ups, both intimidated and intrigued by her parents’ disgusting wealth. She also thinks her genuine thoughts wouldn’t be appreciated right now. Not that they once were.) Instead of giving in, she takes a bite of the steak the cooks have prepared for their dinner. It tastes bland.

“What happened to you?”, her mother cries out. “You used to be our perfect girl. Now, you’re- you’re-“

“We can’t go anywhere without people mocking us!” Her father now yells; she idly watches the vein on his throat throbbing as his voice becomes louder. “Laughing about us because our insane, fucked in the head daughter-“

Ironically enough, this is the trigger for her to think about Nico. Maybe because Nico had always protected her whenever someone called her that. Cussed at them, using names so obscene and rough it made Maki almost feel sane. They never bothered her again. Not with Nico next to her, anyway.

“But you do know that I am, right?”, Maki once told her. “Fucked in the head, I mean. they’re not wrong.” She had become cold at the phrase, had even started to believe it. Accepted it with a shrug. If everyone was like her, the world would be at a very different place.

Nico just glared at her. “I’ve seen crazy people, Nishikino. You’re certainly not one of them.” Then, a little bit quieter ; Maki to this day isn’t sure she was supposed to hear it, “you just need to be loved genuinely.”

She patiently waits for her parents to suffocate on their words as she chews on her just as dull salad. Eventually, they’re stopping themselves from shouting and there’s just the clock ticking as they silently take their meals. Her mother on the verge of tears, her father emotionless like a statue.

Maki has always felt much more adequate in her parents’ presence when they’re being themselves. She feels like she fits right in.

 Of course, they wanted her to talk about her family in the psychiatry. All issues one has with oneself root from one’s parents, they diligently told her, many times, as if they were reading the phrase from a book. Knowing her own parents, Maki can’t say she’s very surprised. She refused to talk about them, though.

Nico always wanted her to.

“Why should I talk?”, Maki complained one time. “It won’t make me feel better.”

“It really won’t”, Nico laughed. Maki scoffed at her.

“You won’t even lie to make me feel better?”

Nico glared at her. “Fuck you think I am? No, I won’t lie to you. Duh.”

Maki defensively put her arms in front of her chest. They hadn’t been roommates for too long at that point ; they still had to work their way around each other, see what makes the other person click. Maki sometimes wondered whether the administration or whoever does dorms in psychiatry stuck the two of them together for laughs. A pathological liar and someone pathologically fixated on brutal honesty.

“But”, Nico looked at her with a stern look that sent a shiver down Maki’s spine, “sometimes you have to hurt to heal. Burning everything to ashes and then rising from it. You know?”

Her heart still speeds up at the thought of literally burning down her own walls, making her both anxious and relieved. Oh, if Nico could’ve seen all the hurting she’d done today.

 She sits in front of a blank piece of paper. It used to a notebook, but that was far too ambitious. Small steps, Maki tells herself, even though she doesn’t put much trust in her own capabilities in forming words.

Clicking the ballpoint pen rapidly she struggles to get her thoughts on paper.

She tries, I’m sorry. Crosses that, then decides it was a good starter to begin with - it’s simple and it’s honest and Nico would appreciate that - and writes it down again.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry

I’m s

I

I’m so

S

Maki’s hand shakes so much she has to put down her pen. Fuck.

She takes her phone. Its old, probably doesn’t even have access to the internet (a desperate yet unfortunately successful attempt by her parents to cut her off from the world), but it suffices for an apology.

“Hi”, she speaks into her phone, “this is Maki. Um, I don’t know how this works, really. I’ve never done this.”

But you deserve this so much.

“So… I’m sorry. For hurting you, and for lying. Knowing you, you probably care about the lie more than your feelings-“

I care about you more than anything else.

“But, um… I’m sorry. Really sorry.” She takes a deep breath. “Bye, Nico.”

Long after the phone has stopped recording, she mumbles three words. They may be the most honest thing she’s ever said.

 Therapy sucked. It was never spoken out-loud, but everyone knew she was the girl her parents sent to the psychiatry to fix her up. To make her shut up, to twist her into something she truly, genuinely is not. A doll, a puppet, with a never-ending smile and a dead heart.

Even in fucking psychiatry she was an outsider.

The other girls didn’t like her, either. Even though Nico and she shared a room, there had been dorm activities, group therapy, and the game Sundays. They liked to talk about her in a volume Maki could overhear just well, bumped into her when they crossed paths. Threw her clothes into a ditch. Called her brat, spoiled. Again, fucked in the head. (This one became a favorite as soon as they noticed it shook her up the most.)

Nico got mad whenever she notices someone going against Maki. Maki didn’t need the protection, not really, she didn’t care if she got hurt. Not until Nico cared. Nico took care of her in such a soft way Maki started to look after herself, too.

It was horrifying to wake up and to suddenly care whether you survive the day or not.

 Maybe – just maybe – she pushed Nico away in order to preserve herself, the only version she had ever known.

Maybe – and this one is far more likely, if she’s being honest – she’s afraid of change out of all things?

 The day she eventually put the puzzle pieces together was the day her thoughts became irreversibly tangled, much more than before. Drowning in white noise, suffocated by her own heavy thoughts, she made the decision to finally take Nico’s advice.

She was so sure she would get sent back to the psychiatry and get to see her again, now that her parents had an actual reason to. Setting her house on fire, almost killing herself in the process, for fuck’s sake, would surely get her to see Nico again, right?

She waits and waits and gets more and more anxious, because – the longer she waits, the higher the chance Nico has been discharged. She feels slightly selfish for wanting Nico to stay there; but she wouldn’t know where else to find her.

Maki still has an apology to make.

She still has to undo her worst mistake.

 Sometimes, the nightmares seem to overwhelm her. It’s always the same one (as if her own mind wanted to mock her terribly, and, knowing herself, that is probably the main reason). Maki always ends up waking up, face grotesquely distorted in an empty scream, a helpless attempt in trying to save herself from the fire that seems so real. It’s always eating her alive, leaving the rest of the room untouched.

When she’s awake, the fire can’t hurt her; all the pain in the world couldn’t compare to what happens behind her eye sockets when she thinks about turning her life around.

Her situation is unfortunate (it sucks so fucking much), but it’s a constant. Its steadily painful. Who knows where she would end up if she dared to leave?

Nico had wanted her to run away. The both of them to run away, actually. She had started to state these plans around the same time they began to be closer. Maki enjoyed Nico’s touches, her warm lips on her hands, her neck, her collarbones.

 Maki isn’t dumb. Neither is she emotionally unintelligent. She noticed the way Nico’s eyes lit up when she entered a room. She could tell by the way Nico became more gently towards her and hold her hand until she fell asleep.

But Maki isn’t kind, either.

When Nico eventually confessed her feelings to her – in just the way Nico is, fuck, Maki’s heart still clenches whenever she thinks about it – in just a simple sentence, “I think I fell in love with you”… well, she surely didn’t expect Maki to laugh in her face.

“That would be funny, wouldn’t it? The failure and her lover. God, I can already see my parents’ faces.”

Nico’s face turns into a grimace. “You don’t have to be a failure, Maki. You know that.”

“We don’t have a choice!”, Maki suddenly snaps, angry all of a sudden, she doesn’t know why ; the thought of Nico liking her out of all people, Nico choosing a miserable ending makes her so endlessly mad, “We can’t just leave!”

“Why not?”, Nico yells back, now standing up. She doesn’t reach Maki’s eye level, but the burning frustration seems to make her taller. “Why not, Maki?”

“Do you really think any of us could make it?”, Maki spits, “Leave this behind us?”

Nico stares at her in disbelief as if she never saw her before. The sight leaves Maki devastated, but she can’t stop.

“That’s it, then?”, Nico calmly says, eyes cold but hands shaking so slightly Maki doesn’t catch it.

“Its never been something to begin with”, Maki hears herself sneer.

Liar.

Look at what you’ve done to yourself.

She doesn’t know how Nico managed to do it, but she was paired up with another girl the following day. It was the same room, but it felt a lot less like home without Nico greeting her when she came from sessions, Nico making her hot chocolate when she couldn’t sleep, Nico crawling under her sheets when Maki was shaking from nightmares.

At some point, her parents decided to discharge her. She remembers eavesdropping a conversation her therapist had with her parents, heatedly trying to tell them that Maki was nowhere near being healthy. Unsurprisingly, her parents didn’t want to hear that. An important event was coming up and they needed their only daughter as an accessory.

She was back at her parents’ house, but it felt like she had left home.

 And then, eventually – the cleansing. The fire.

The determination to see Nico again, paired with fear that ate her alive.

The nightmares.

 One day – could it be any different? Feels like destiny spit in her face -, she sees Nico. She rubs her eyes, tells herself it’s a hallucination, because, Nico can’t just be walking down the street.

But there she is. Her hair in those pigtails Maki likes so much (she would never admit that to her), a black eye embellishing her face (whomever did that to her, Maki wants to fight), staring at her phone. She must have gotten lost; in fact, its so weird seeing her Nico in the stuck-up, snobby neighborhood full of empty mansions, Maki can’t help but stare at her until her heart gets teary from the exposure.

Maki runs from her room, escapes the stairs and finally reaches the doorknob. Her heartbeat beats in her fingertips and she runs and runs and runs and –

She stops when Nico turns around.

“Nishikino”, Nico says, with a loop-sided smile, and Maki needed to hear her voice so badly she can actually feel her knees getting weak. “You left, huh?”

“My parents took me back”, Maki answers, a bit out of breath. She realizes she said the wrong thing when Nico snorts.

“Figured”, Nico lifts her hand in a casual wave, “bye, then.”

“Wait!”

Nico stops in her motions and raises one eyebrow, the one above her black eye. Maki scolds herself for not taking her phone with her ; then again, Nico would think of her as a coward if she just played the record instead of just saying it.

“I’m sorry”, she eventually says. Poison through her veins. There’s a flash of hurt in Nico’s eyes.

“Here I thought you couldn’t get any worse, now you want to make fun of me, too?”, Nico quietly asks, anger shaking in her voice. Usually, when one of them gets angry, it sparks a fire in the other one, too ; they always used to burn each other up ; but now, all Maki feels is numbness.

“I’m sorry”, Maki says through gritted teeth. Wants it to keep repeating like a broken record, wants it to beat into Nico’s head to make her realize she needs the guilt to be gone.

“That doesn’t make it better”, Nico tells her, almost regretfully.

Maki has too many thoughts she wants to get out, out, out, but as hard as she tries, she can’t.

Don’t leave, she desperately needs to say. Don’t leave me alone with my thoughts, don’t go-

Instead, she stays silent with the demons in her head.

“You won”, Nico plainly says. Maki’s guts turn themselves inside out at the sight of the empty grin Nico gives her. “You lost it, but you won, right?”

Did she really win?

Patched up heart on her sleeve and crocodile tears on her cheeks, burning more than ever.

 At last, we cannot escape from who we really are.

#love live #nicomaki #nico #maki #wig #me? WRITING NKMK? im as shocked as u are #i highly recommend not reading this on my tumblr but rather on my ao3 as my themes SHIT shfshdfhsdfh #bro...... is anyone even into nicomaki anymore #. #a sad world #this /might/ be my last ll piece which Sucks because i dont like it at ALL but i PROMISED eiko i would write this if i got inspiration so! #irls are welcome to IGNORE THISSDFHSDHFSHDFH

[aikainkauna]

Sorry I haven’t been giffing/posting/reglobbing much lately, guys. It’s that behemoth of a fic swallowing up all my sitting-upright time (and a big chunk of my reclining time). Four chapters or so to go and I’m still spending about 7-11 hours every day combing the remaining text for typos (yes, some of us actually do care about our fics and don’t think it’s some dirty “trashy,” “guilty pleasure” of less value), so it’s a full-time job with overtime. So if I’m slow to respond to anything, it’s that. I’m sure that soon enough, the post-fic existential emptiness will be upon us and you’ll be seeing more gifs and tag yelling.

Although it’s just been so quiet among the nice people here and so loud among the idiots that I might just take several steps back from Tumblr in general, just for my mental health. There seems little point in making gifs nobody reblogs and saying anything when it’s drowned out by the types who give liberals a bad name (honestly, some of the shit people say on here would already have made me a Nazi were I a bloke, because apparently nothing is ever enough and I’ll always be Doing it Wrong anyway; you’re not making tolerance seem worthwhile, if you nevertheless beat the tolerant person up for wearing the wrong types of socks).

I’m still looking for that fandom old people’s home, so if you find it, that place where people are old enough to have some fucking perspective, do let me know.

This whole place is eerily reminiscent of an abusive relationship where you’re constantly having to tiptoe because you never know when the next explosion is going to come and where from, what sort of utterly random thing someone is going to call abusive now and beat you up for, even if you’ve been working hard not to upset them, have made deliberate choices to accommodate them because you know their wounds. It’s like Borderline Personality Disorder, but in the form of a website. (And yes, I know first-hand what BPD is like. Had the spouse, had the flatmate, had the fuckbuddies, had the friends.) And the worst thing about BPD is that it’s catching: being around a human minefield makes everyone jumpy, and then *their* jumpiness becomes tyrannical towards others (when the hurt person is just self-defending, they feel) and then the cycle continues. Everybody is paranoid and beating everybody up in the name of great justice, and undermining everyone else’s psyches to the point where they become human minefields themselves. And they don’t know how to stop that cycle, if they’re in denial about having a problem, because of course, if you hurt and lash out, you’re just defending yourself. (Being told you’re a shitty person for freaking out at a trigger is worse than being triggered. Good luck trying to crawl out of that into any semblance of health, if you feel you’re just an explosive piece of crap forever.)

And while I know I can help a bit by stepping outside of that and offering fic and pics and lols where people can forget about it all, I’m still in two minds about offering it in a direction where the recipient is never going to be happy anyway, and where the effort is (or seems) wasted as long as the receiving end isn’t doing any conscious healing/rebuilding itself to better appreciate healthier things. It does nothing. Why am I buying medicine for someone who abuses me for it and throws the bottle in my face? I’ve been there, trying to please people who were locked up in their traumas and paranoias, throwing all my love and effort and work at them to no avail because I thought I could help; I’m not keen on doing it again. Because now I’m old enough to know I’m wasting my time, as brutal and as “selfish” that sounds (how about calling it “self-preservation?” “Sanity?” “Kindness to oneself?” I know women are beaten out of daring to have that, for daring to even think their lives aren’t meant to be lived for other people, but fucking watch me go).

Just like partners and friends aren’t the same as professional help, fandom isn’t the ultimate cure for depression/trauma unless there’s an inner change in the ill person to better utilise it. I was that ill person and I had to go through a lot of therapy and growth to not become a 24/7 abusive bitch myself (I still have shitty hypersensitivities, but those are in-built–they’re bad enough). I changed the way I see fannish activities (I now really do see them as medicine), and only then could I enjoy them to the fullest and only then could I start writing really good fic, because it comes from a firm ground of faith in the inherent value of fic. It’s a really complicated thing to explain, the interrelationships of fandom, queer people and mental health (there should be a book on fandom/queerdom and mentalness–we are wonky in the head, sometimes fucking awfully so, and it’s *not* all due to persecution but genes).

But my gist is that there’s no point in endlessly remaining in a draining relationship with someone who doesn’t want to heal–Tumblr’s anxiety-mongering culture of self-hate, ahoy! One has to pick one’s “battles” and channel one’s energy somewhere where it’s actually going to bear fruit. Not on a site that says the phrase “I don’t discriminate by colour” is racist, or that a feminist, mixed-race royal princess “isn’t enough” or that a given sexual minority gets to rule it over everyone else. Not on a site full of kids who are too young/American to have known *real* homophobia and racism, and who don’t realise that for most people, in the real world, even not being racist or homophobic is a *choice.*

Which is why I miss that supportive community of other brainy, feminist and reasonable fans who actually had conversations so. Fucking. Much. Where are they? (DW is where the militant vegan lesbian sociopath SJWs went, and if you’re not keen on eternal frowny moral meta, ehhh.)

Where’s the actual fun? Where are the other fans who are old enough to have been through therapy and who have experienced real relationships and have known actual real “minority” people IRL, and who consequently have an open mind about things? Who can see that things really aren’t as black and white as they thought they were when they were in their teens? Where are the fans who know something about psychology and psychiatry? The ones who know how gendered socialisation works and just how deep it goes, and who aren’t fans of Tumblr essentialism and its blindness to gender-based toxins? The fans who actually understand and respect the intelligence of other fans, instead of kneejerk assumptions of ignorance and moral corruption? The fans who legit don’t think a Gen X writer who forgot to use–or simply didn’t know about the existence of–a new politically correct term, is as evil as Hitler (because ignorance=/=active, intentional oppression, Jesus!)? The fans who respect the labor that goes into fanfic and fanart and always leave comments or otherwise support fan creators, instead of thinking of writers as vending machines for something “dirty” they feel ashamed for reading?

Because I’m that kind of “old” fan and I’ll be there for you if you’re there for me.

I just need to know where the fuck you are!

#mental health #whatever else i need to tag this as #discourse #? #personal #there's an unfortunate type of the entitled american kid on here #who's never been called the n-word in her face repeatedly and spat on #and who hasn't had dog shit dropped through her letterbox #which is the reality of anyone even slightly sepia over in most of europe #so yeah... #the gap between the world i grew up in and its intolerances #compared to what some people think isn't enough now #is just... mindboggling #tolerance is still a choice #and i feel more and more spite building up in myself at the entitled shit #to the point where i'd actively want to do something nasty to the whiners #(clarification: in the sense of smacking some sense into them by showing how bad it can be/is) #but i don't bc i'm a fucking decent human being #most straight white guys though? they are now acting on that spite #if you don't give someone a chance and condemn them #you are leaving them with very few alternatives #it's the good old reactionary syndrome of demon pride--call someone evil=they'll celebrate it #ah well anyway i guess i should return to my fic

[undothedamage-blog]

Talking About Abuse

Strap in, this is a long one. Skip to the bottom for a TLDR if needs be.

It’s impossible to spend time in the #abuse tags on Tumblr and not run into discourse re: personality disorders. 

And it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot because I’ve stumbled across the dividing line trying to figure out where I stand. And I think both sides need to remember this:

Mental illness does not make someone abusive. But an abuser with a mental illness may be particularly cruel.

It’s a point that abuse expert Lundy Bancroft has made, and he knows what he’s talking about.

Ideally, I’d like to see the abuse community create new terminology. What exactly, I’m not sure. I’m certainly open to suggestions. Egotistical abuse? Trumpian abuse? Egocentric abuse? Conceited abuse? I don’t know (personally, I prefer Egocentric). We’re not actually trained and qualified to diagnose our abusers with specific disorders. So I’d feel more comfortable avoiding terminology that is already well-defined as something specific that may or may not accurately apply to our situations and that, imo, removes some responsibility from abusers for their choices and behavior.

That said, on the other side of things I’d say to think long and hard about whether you want to attack and possibly re-victimize somebody who is in the long, hard process of recovery from abuse for talking about things like “narcissistic abuse.” Not everything is about you. And if you have experience with mental illness you should consider using that experience to fuel compassion for victims (who are highly likely to be suffering their own mental illness as a result of their abuse) rather than launching into them because they are repeating the terminology that was handed to them by somebody else. By all means, educate people via posts on your own blog. But if you must call out a specific person (whether by reblog or anon asks), remember that the person on the other side of that screen has just spent a very long time, years or decades in some cases, being put down, attacked, criticized, shamed, and endlessly treated as wrong and stupid. If you want to engage with them, don’t do it in a way that will trigger them. And don’t treat them like just another ableist asshole. They’re trying to make sense of what has been done to them and a lot of the people providing answers and hope to them for the first time are teaching them this vocabulary. These people, the ones with a large audience and significant influence, are probably who you should be asking to reconsider their wording.

However, I want to emphasize again to my fellow abuse survivors, that not all abusers have personality disorders (in fact, most probably don’t). Not all people with personality disorders are abusive (and we should really, really hesitate to add to the stigma they face). And abusers who DO have personality disorders would probably still be abusive even if they were magically no longer mentally ill. So just as I ask people to have compassion for victims, I’d ask victims to have compassion for the mental illness community and embrace language that allows us to talk about certain flavors of abuse without co-opting words from the DSM nor contribute to stigmas that harm others (especially when we consider that the mentally ill are often more likely to be victims of abuse themselves). We are, generally, on the same team. And it really requires very little effort to just abstain from using certain phrases or words. 

Again, mental illness does not make somebody abusive. Don’t let abusers get away with using mental illness as an excuse by perpetuating language that implies otherwise.

It boils down to the same problem I have with people calling mass-shooters or terrorists “crazy.” For one thing, it dissolves their responsibility and that’s bullshit. For another, it further stigmatizes mental illness. Millions of mentally ill people every day manage to live their lives without hurting a fly (though many mentally ill people are, in fact, hurt and abused by others). And, perhaps most insidious, it absolves society of any blame for helping create abusers.

It is NOT mental illness that makes, for example, a man shoot up a bunch of people because his girlfriend dumped him. It is entitlement. And we need to face the fact that our culture absolutely contributes to teaching men they are entitled to a woman’s attention, affection, body, emotional labor, etc. We celebrate media that repeats the trope that even the most mediocre of man will be rewarded with a beautiful woman that adores him. We talk about the friend-zone as if it’s a real thing and it is something that women unfairly do to victimize men. We tell women that they’re feelings are wrong and they should be flattered by sexual harassment. We legislate that women’s bodies don’t belong to them (and even afford corpses more bodily autonomy than living women). We tolerate misogyny in our music, movies, television, and government. We teach women they are responsible for preventing assault instead of teaching men not to assault. We teach generation after generation that “boys will be boys” and that girls should just tolerate their bad behavior. 

So, yeah. Maybe a lot of us have, in fact, been abused by somebody with a personality disorder. But unless we’re a psychiatrist, we’re not really qualified to comment on that. And we’re shooting ourselves in the proverbial foot when we frame our discussions about abuse in terms from the field of mental health. Because mentally ill or not, abusers will continue to abuse as long as they feel entitled to do so. If we borrow language from psychiatry to frame the conversation around abuse, we make it too easy for everyone to throw their hands up in the air and say “well, we can’t really do anything about it” (especially when talking about disorders that haven’t found successful treatment options).

And that simply isn’t true.

Because, guess what, we CAN do something about abuse. Now, we can’t do much about individual abusers. Only abusers can change themselves. But, and Lundy Bancroft talks at length about this at the end of Why Does He Do That, society and individuals can absolutely do things to combat problems that contribute to abuse and to protect victims. Things like:

BELIEVE VICTIMS. The rate of false accusations of abuse is, despite what MRAs would have us believe, incredibly small. Bancroft says “There is a natural temptation to speak out forcefully against abuse until the man whose behavior is under the microscope is one of our own, and then we switch sides. But we can’t have it both ways. Abuse won’t stop until people stop making exceptions for their own brothers and sons and friends.“ He also says “Nothing would work faster to end the abuse of women than having the friends and family of abusive men stop enabling them. And that begins, in turn, with making sure that you listen carefully and respectfully to her side of the story— something the abusive man never does.” (emphasis mine) 

TEACH WHAT ABUSE LOOKS LIKE. Bancroft specifically advices therapists, the clergy, etc. to “provide some basic education to any male about partner abuse. Give some examples of abusive behaviors, describe their destructive impact on women and children, and explain that a man is entirely responsible for his own actions.” I think a huge aspect of why people discount women’s reports of abuse is that they don’t recognize abusive behavior as, in fact, abusive. This comes back round to entitlement and justification as well as abusers and their allies tendency to point to worse forms of abuse to say “that’s what REAL abuse looks like, what I’ve done isn’t REAL abuse.”

REFORM THE JUSTICE SYSTEM TO BETTER PROTECT VICTIMS AND FORCE ABUSERS TO FACE REAL CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR ACTIONS. I won’t go into the details on specific changes that need to be made. This post is already super fucking long. You can find Bancroft’s suggestions in Why Does He Do That.

I’d add that we also, as a society, need to:

REFUSE TO SUPPORT MEDIA THAT IS MISOGYNIST. If it promotes the idea that men are entitled to behave in controlling or abusive ways it doesn’t deserve our attention, accolades, or money. We should also stop handing out awards to abusive men as if separating their performances and public persona from their abuse doesn’t teach them (and others) that abusers can abuse without consequence.

CHALLENGE DAMAGING IDEAS AND STATEMENTS. This is particularly important for men to do. If you hear dudes complaining about the friend zone, or celebrating rape culture, or otherwise espousing sexist and harmful ideas, call them out. Make it clear that such views are entirely unacceptable.

LISTEN TO FEMINISTS, SJWs, AND OTHER SO-CALLED SNOWFLAKES. There’s a false notion that when progressives voice concerns or complaints about micro-aggressions or subtle sexism, or whatnot that they’re focusing on small stuff and should just get over it. But the reality is that the small stuff matters. All the various small things add up to a culture that sends abusers the messages of entitlement they use to justify their abuse. Take the Bechtel Test. I recognize it is only one step in beginning to evaluate whether a movie is, in fact, sexist. But, generally speaking, any movie that doesn’t feature enough named, female characters with dialogue about something other than a male character sends the subtle message that women’s roles revolve around the men in their lives. It says that woman are accessories to a man’s story. When feminists call for more women in the writers’ room of television and movies, it goes so far beyond just wanting to level the employment playing field (though that’s important in its own right)! More women contributing to scripts means more well-rounded women characters and less sexist tropes being repeated. It means more boys growing up consuming media in which the world presented to them is not one that revolves around men.

If you’re still with me at this point in this long-ass post I just want to say thank you. I know tumblr is usually a place for more pithy communication. But I go on at length because there is just so much to say that is so important.

That said, here’s a TLDR for those who can’t handle the endless wall of text (I’m ADHD, I can empathize):

The abuse community would do well to create new terminology to discuss our experiences that doesn’t rely on language which may inadvertently harm the mental illness community.

Be patient and kind to abuse victims if you want to talk to them about how something they’ve repeated may be problematic so that you can avoid triggering them or adding to their trauma.

If somebody asks you to reconsider your language, be kind and sympathetic and remember that they may share more of your experiences than you realize. 

Society can do a lot to prevent and combat abuse.

And most importantly let me repeat this:

Mental illness does not make somebody abusive. Don’t let abusers get away with using mental illness as an excuse by perpetuating language that implies otherwise.

#abuse #mental health #ableist slur #personality disorders #cr*zy #crazy #mental illness #tldr #text #triggers #trauma #talking about abuse #language #terminology #narcissistic abuse #stigma #feminism

[deepblueruin]

If Your Loved Ones Have Anxiety, This Is To Help You Understand What It's Like

When I’m having anxiety issues, it can be hard to explain to people what is happening to me. So I put together a Twitter thread to try and capture what it’s like. However, the format didn’t feel big enough to accommodate the details.

At the same time, I also suffer from the great disease of our generation: The TL;DR Disease. 

So I’m going to rely on lists and GIFs to make sure you stay with me till the very end.

(GIF credit: Oh Shut Up Harry Tumblr)

Things to know about anxiety:

Anxiety expresses itself differently in different people.

One person can feel different magnitudes of anxiety within the same day.

Sometimes there is a direct and significant trigger, say an angry text from your boss, and sometimes there isn't.

Things to know about me in this context:

I am not a psychology, counseling, therapy or psychiatry professional.

I am, therefore, not qualified to create an all-knowing, comprehensive list.

However, I do have anxiety issues and can try and offer a glimpse of what it feels like.

What happens to me when anxiety strikes:

My heart starts to pound in my ears. 

My pulse races and my breathing involuntarily becomes faster and shallower, like I’m running up a flight of stairs.

This actually happens while I’m doing something mundane like going to bed or taking a shower or sitting in the passenger seat of a car.

It often feels chemical or physiological, like something’s seriously wrong with my body.

I feel a constriction in my chest. Like someone’s pulling and pulling the strings to a corset that’s already three sizes too small.

I often experience what I like to call a Rumbly In My Tumbly. This is a tame phrase for the way my stomach rumbles and churns with something sickening, thick and glutinous.

I've gone impeccably dressed to job interviews only to ask to use the bathroom minutes later because I just have to go 💩 .

Sometimes my whole body will clench.

At other times, it’s just one body part that I clench involuntarily. I don’t even realise it until I wake up the next morning with a sore butt or a pulled calf muscle.  

At crucial work moments, my throat will choke up while talking like there's a wooly sock down it.

I blank out. I forget what I was doing or about to do. 

I have left several exams feeling lightheaded and wobbly in the knees – like I might collapse any second.

And of course there is the embarrassing cherry on the cake: Uncontrollable crying. Like no matter what I do, the tears won’t stop. 

(GIF Credit: Lysergic-Asshole Tumblr)

Other people’s anxiety is different.

My friends have felt nausea, vomiting, sweaty palms. They’ve felt their own bodies going cold or shutting down.

Some people report feeling like they’re having a heart attack. This is a full, high blown panic attack and needs medical attention.

Some patterns of thoughts in my head during high-anxiety situations (in random order):

I feel like I’ve completely lost control over the situation. (There’s nothing that can fix this/I don’t see any options.)

I blame myself for everything, even things outside my scope of influence. (It’s all my fault. Everything I come in contact with goes to shit)

I make gross generalizations (Nothing will ever change/ Maybe I’m just stupid/ I’m not fit to be a filmmaker)

I fail to see a way out of the situation (If I leave this job/relationship/project, it means I’m... lazy/callous/someone who gives up easily)

I obsessively focus on what others think of me (She must think I’m a bitch / He’s going to think I don’t have it in me to survive at a job like this)

I submit completely to the idea that something larger is at play. (My luck is just fucked/I’m being punished for that time I broke that person’s heart)

I imagine the worst outcome in every situation. (I’m going to reach 5 and a half minutes late and my boss will fire me/He’s going to hear what I have to say and break up with me)

I script entire scenes of what people might say and how I should respond in a situation that I think is going to be tense.  

These thoughts don’t occur in isolation. It’s more like setting off a sequence of infinite dominoes.

Without coping mechanisms, I will replay these thoughts in my head until I’ve grown physically sick or exhausted.

Everything is colored in overpowering dread.

GIF credit: Cartoon Network

Important things to remember:

The anxious person in your circle may be exhibiting totally different symptoms. Learn to watch for them.

If your friend is good at covering up physical symptoms, their high-anxiety thoughts will manifest in casual speech.

Anxiety can impair people’s responses in social situations. Your person could get aggressive or emotional without significant triggers.

Anxiety is that it takes up so much of your attention, you forget important tasks and events. The consequences of this create feelings of shame, frustration and even more anxiety.

Things that help me:

Writing my thoughts in a journal

Talking

Giving myself permission to cry (Either I do this privately or in strictly in the company of non-judgmental people)

Unhooking my bra / Loosening a button / Taking off a jacket

Changing into something comfortable if the situation permits

Drinking a glass of water slowly and deliberately

Bathing in cool water

On particularly bad symptom days, lying down/curling into a fetal position

A nap

Eating helps, but I have to be very, very careful because it can often send me into a spiral of emotional overeating.

Taking a small walk/removing myself from a hostile situation

Listening to calming music or affirmation tapes

Making extensive notes about pending tasks that are stressing me out

My mum sent me this excellent video about breathing techniques.

My friend Sukanya taught me about tapping. This video explains the technique.

How you could help your anxious friend/child/partner:

First things first. Respectfully encourage the person to see a counselor.

If a counselor suggests your friend should see a psychiatrist, be supportive. Medication works for many people.

If your friend is anxious at the idea of taking medication, encourage them to ask as many questions as they need to.

Listen to your friend.

Ask if they want to be touched or held. Respect explicit consent. (Do not hug a person having a panic attack; it could potentially choke them)

If you see research-backed material about coping with anxiety, do share with them. It’s a nice way to show acceptance.

Speak in your calmest, indoor voice.

It’s okay to offer perspective, but try not to do it in a way that belittles the anxious person.

If you think you have feedback for your person, give it respectfully. Gently point what behavior you think they could change. If you must criticize, criticize a behavior not the person.

“Hey I know you’re going through a lot, but you used some really harsh words back there” is better than “You’re a mean person.”

Expect resistance. Gentle nudging is okay, but don’t aggressively push someone.

It can be frustrating to watch someone panic about something that you think is trivial. Try not to let it get to you. Temporarily remove yourself from their company if you find their anxiety affecting you. In the long run, this is better for everyone.

Finally, this is hard but give your friend the permission to remove themselves from your company if they tell you it makes them anxious. Try not to hold a grudge about this.

Some things you should avoid saying in anxiety situations:

Is there a way to fix this problem once and for all? 

Calm the fuck down.

Stop overthinking. (It’s a great idea but howwwww? Like how does anyone do it? If you find out, please tell me)

Is your period due? (Note: this doesn’t upset me personally because I genuinely experience high anxiety before my period. So it serves as a reminder. But it could trigger other women so if you must ask, be respectful)

Wow. So you made it to the end. 

(GIF Source: Yseult Tumblr)

If you’re a friend/partner/ally to a person with anxiety, and you made it this far, I’m sending you warm fluffy fluffs. You care enough about your anxious buddy to read a long-ass post from a stranger on the internet. 

If you’re a person with anxiety, I give you props. And hope and love and strength to get through this day and the next. 

I’m pretty sure I’ve missed out a lot. Feel free to add your thoughts. Originally, this was a long twitter thread and if you wish to read it in its original form, go here.

#anxiety #help #ally #mentalhealth #health #panic attack #longwrite

[theshakinghead-blog1]

and that is interesting with the Music Industry how all the women get a stage presence and don’t say they are not Army that have a double in there and all of the lesbians ones have been cancelled and that means they are all dead in that war and don’t tell me about Planets revolving around Suns will you because this planet is a computer system run by that soul-side and hyper-intelligent aliens are the ones watching and they hate all of us including me apparently and my presence is not in the institution as a Mason outside of the institution and never getting caught up on that stuff and very good to know that is my right to as well that is not get caught up in that stuff and that is interesting what I want to know about those people in there is nothing now and nothing later and that is my choice I suppose as the Intercessor to not be into their personal details anytime ever and it is amazing how many familiar faces you see in other people’s eyes when the faces themselves are not familiar and don’t say that is not a King looking at you sometimes through that man’s eye you are talking to and don’t tell them they don’t have a God on their right side looking through that one and that is very clear the whole world is a network of spy nations from different complex areas of psychiatry that convalesce in this area know as Earth and most of of them are politicians who don’t know they are a lawyer from birth and I got this far outside of the institution and they are all going to have to make their own effort about that stuff and not complain about something I did that they can’t do and God doesn’t compensate whinging fucking gays that want to do what someone else did because they are inept and hopeless and don’t tell them mothers get a ticket to freedom with Jason Bishop’s name will you and don’t tell them that Devil is not far enough away on Pluto will you and that is not getting anywhere near my planetoid area and don’t say I didn’t tell that soul side to go away with their gays and lesbians and other types of institutional retard I don’t convalesce with and I can’t claim that Devil as that is not getting near my planetoid and I don’t really need that near me all of the time and that is a good thing I don’t team up with any of them because they can’t do the same work and that is interesting how they can’t kill me the way they want to so they can’t write any stories about me and very good to know there was a man once upon a time they did and I am better than that guy and I can’t say me in that case as that was higher consciousness and not me that did that journey through the Rules to outside of the institution where they can’t get to me anymore and that is a very nice apartment I own that the lesbian dogs are not telling me I have to share with anybody and that is not listed on any available place for that purpose with a contact to my name and don’t say those fathers don’t let them play the man sometimes will you and just because that gay let’s that lesbian play the man in a relationship with him doesn’t mean that lesbian can play the man with me and don’t say all those cross-dressing poofters can’t go and fuck off as well and that is a very good reason they should keep those dogs in the house and not let them out and don’t tell them anything the soul side permits is anything those gays do and that is very good to not be doing anything with the lesbian dogs that want to be a man or the cross-dressing gays that let them and that is a very intricately written post against the institution for the ages for everyone to know and don’t tell them Mountbatten says anything I don’t say will you and very good I own that name and the whole of Mountbatten as well and don't tell them anything paraffin wax does is going to make them powerful will you and don't tell their wives they are not the only source of power that husband gets when that is not being delivered from my stuff being delivered and that is not getting to them without my property being delivered