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sara78 · 1 year

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Family don't end in blood - chapter 6

Summary: The vacation is over and Y/N heads back to Vancouver with Jensen. However, one of the Ackles has made it their mission to have Y/N come back, and some talks lead to some secrets unraveling, despite Y/N not wating to get attached...

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x foster!daughter reader

Word count: 5,800 and some change

Warnings: Kids are too adorable for their own good, mentions of abuse (not graphic by any means but SKIP IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU), hints of depression, Jensen is a sweetheart

A/N: This one has all the feels!

Your stay at the Ackles had come to an end. You would definitely lie if you said you didn't enjoy the time you spent here. Even though your nightmares didn't give you much rest, being around kids reminded you of the fact that there's still some kind souls that will love you just for who you are and won't ask anything in return for their love. Even though you will probably not be as lucky to meet someone your age with a soul as kind as theirs, it still warmed your heart. This world needs more souls as kind as theirs and you hope life will be good to them.

It hurt you to know that you probably won't be coming back. You were getting attached, and you didn't like it. You had to put an end to it. It might trigger a shit show but you can't get attached to a family. A perfectly normal family like this one doesn't need a fuck-up like you closer than arms length. No family should have anything to do with you. You were better off on your own. With nobody breathing on your neck and the freedom to do whatever you want. Having Jensen's household in peace without you is the card you wanted to play. JJ didn't like you from the very beginning and you didn't want to get in her personal space. You never found out if her strange behavior is related to bullies, as she never said anything after numerous of talks she had with both Jensen and Danneel. Even Jared tried to approach her, but she didn't crack. You sincerely hoped she was telling the truth and she didn't have a bully or two up her ass.

And this weird feeling you started developing few days before you flew to Austin for fall break, it never washed off. You thought it must have been your nerves dancing around since you're going to stay at someone else's home and you didn't want to invade their personal space. But even after coming and settling, the feeling didn't go away. It sent you spiraling down the rabbit hole, the one you're still trying to climb out of. And just when you took some small steps, the nightmares mixed with this terrible feeling in your gut set you further back. You felt like something really bad was going to happen, and you kept praying that whatever it is, walks around Jensen and his family.

You got attached.

And you didn't like it.

To say that Zeppelin was sad the entire last day of your stay was a vast understatement. He clung to you like a koala, the girls doing the same thing to Jensen.

Danneel was giggling as she found Zeppelin hanging over your neck while you were cleaning the table after breakfast,

"What's the matter, buddy? Are you gonna miss Y/N?" she asked, coming up to take him off your back. He nod, looking at his mom but not letting go of you,

"I want her to stay forever. Can she stay forever?"

"If I'm asked, she can. But that's her decision to make, honey," Danneel reminded him.

His question took you by surprise for a moment.

Why would he want you to stay? He's been asking for you to stay ever since you came here. What is it that he sees in you that's so worth of your stay? Even better, that is so worth of his love? You understood children are innocent. They don't see the way you hurt, the way you hide things, the shattered heart you hide behind great walls of defense, battered and barely holding together by now. You understood that children were just too innocent for this world, but what will always take you back is how much they didn't care.

They didn't care if you're happy, sad, tall, short, they don't care about the color of your skin, about where you're coming from, about what's your opinion on any topic ever. All they cared about is if you're wanting to spend time with them doing silly things and laughing your ass off. Sometimes they'd need some consoling as well. And if you can do all of the above for them, in return they'd give you all their love and their little hearts. Their world is so simple. Loving and simple.

"Can you stay forever, Y/N? You heard mommy, she said yes! And daddy will say yes too!" he exclaimed with a smile on his face, making you smile as well,

"You really want me to stay forever?" he nod, happiness seeping out of his eyes, "I'll stay in your heart forever. That sounds good? And, I'll stay your best friend forever. So, when you wanna talk about whatever, you can ask your mom to call me. I'll talk to you whenever I get the chance to."

"But I want you to be here too," he said, "I like it how you sing and make up all those weird voices and names!"

"I don't sing good at all, bubba," you giggled, "But I can teach you how to make those weird voices sometime. Now, how about we go check on our Dino park we made the other day when I finish up here?" you asked, Zeppelin nodding,

"Go, have fun. I'll finish it up," Danneel said, approaching to take the plates from your hands,

"Sorry," you said, Danneel rolling her eyes,

"Girl, please. Shoo or I make you," she teased, making Zeppelin giggle,

"Mommy you aren't scary," he said, "You can't be scary."

"Oh mommy can be very scary in certain situations," Jensen said, entering the room and winking. You rolled your eyes,

"Dude, we didn't need that information. Like, at all."

"I'm kidding," he giggled, "Or maybe I'm not..." he smirked, nudging you playfully, "What are you guys up to?"

"We gonna see the Dino park!" Zeppelin exclaimed,

"Oh, the one you built a few days back?" he nod, "That's cool! Make sure to feed all the dinosaurs, buddy."

"Daddy, can Y/N stay forever?" Zeppelin asked,

"Of course she can!" he exclaimed, "But making her to stay is going to be a lot more difficult," you rolled your eyes, walking away with Zeppelin.

"He's so attached to her," Danneel smiled, "Doesn't she have family?"

"Not that I know of," Jensen sighed, "She could always stay here. Or at least have a place to stay here. Are you okay with that?"

"I love having people over, you out of all know that. She's a great kid, I can tell. It's just that, as you said, there is more to her story we're yet to find out, and whatever it is it's not giving her sunshine and rainbows and it's the root cause of everything she's been doing."

"Whatever she's carrying is weighing down on her to the point where she... she doesn't believe in good people anymore. And she can't be happy. She's very deep down the rabbit hole. Well, if nothing, I haven't seen her happy like that before," Jensen said, "Well, last time I saw an honest smile from her was when she met us on the very first day of shooting. After that no smiles were so big as the ones now, when she's playing with Zepp."

"You know I'm the one to make the first move most of the time, but I'm handing you this whole operation over. I trust both you and Zeppelin to pick a kind soul. Life might have not been nice to her, but she's got a kind soul. That much I know. I love her too, and I'd love nothing more but to give her a safe place to stay at if she doesn't have any family or relatives that she's going to stay with after y'all are done shooting."

"Thanks," Jensen smiled, kissing her lips, "For trusting me with her."

"Hmm, don't get all sappy on me, Ackles," she teased, "You spend more time with her. You'll get to know her better. Do let me know if I can help in any way from here."

After playing with Zeppelin for a few minutes, you realized you haven't packed your stuff. And, of course, Zeppelin wanted to stay by your side, so here he is, sitting on the bed and helping you pack your bag. As you were finishing with packing up your backpack, he asked you to stop for a second and ran out the door. You shrugged your shoulders, waiting for him to return. As he ran back into the room, he handed you a dinosaur toy. You smiled softly, recognizing it was his favorite one,

"This is your favorite dinosaur," you stated, handing the toy back to him but he shook his head and pushed your hand away gently, "Oh, you wanna play? Let me just finish up and we can play, okay?"

"No!" he exclaimed, "I wants you to have it!"

"Me?" you asked, confused, "Okay, I'll play with it."

"No! Not play. Have it like take it with you."

"What? Why? Big guy, this is your favorite dinosaur. I don't think you want to give it to me."

"Yea I want! He's my faves because he strong. I give it to you because you're big and strong and smart like he is!" he exclaimed, making your heart melt at the innocence seeping out of his face, "You big and strong and protect me from monsters in my dream! Thank you for protectin' me Y/N," he said, slamming into your legs and trying to give you a hug. You packed the dinosaur toy before picking Zeppelin up in your arms and hugging him tightly,

"Gosh bubba, I love you so much," you whispered, kissing his temple, "And I'll always protect you. Whether I'm here or not. Remember what I told you about me and Jensen hunting monsters?" he nod, "When I'm not here, try to remember that," you said, "And your big sisters will protect you too. Thanks for keeping me company bubba."

"I love you too Y/N," he said, hugging you the best he could with his tiny arms, "Remember, that dinosaur is big and strong. He'll protect ya from monsters in your dreams too. An' I got a whole park of 'em! We'll all protect you, same way y'all will protect me," he said, making your eyes tear up as you squeezed him tighter,

"Thank you for this, buddy," you breathed, trying not to cry, "I appreciate it a lot. I promise to take good care of him and I'll bring him back to play with his friends if I come back."

"Okay," he nod with a smile, "And ya welcome!"

Jensen, Jared and you had a flight late at night, which allowed Jensen to tuck all the kids in and say goodbye to them before you left to the airport.

You were just finishing up with putting on your shoes when Jensen called you from the top of the stairs, saying Zeppelin wants to see you. Your heart melted a little and you nod, saying you'll be right up.

When you entered his room, he was patiently waiting for you. Laying down in his bed, with his blankie tightly held between his tiny hands. His eyes shined brightly with happiness as they looked at you, hair falling all over his sweet face.

"Hey big guy," you smiled as you approached, sitting down on his bed, moving hair away from his face, "I heard from dad-uh, Jensen that you wanted to see me?"

"Thanks for playin' with me," he said with a soft smile, "An' thanks for playing with Ro too. And for takin' me to unca Jared's to play with Tom and Shep. You're the best."

"You're the best, big guy. Thank you for wanting to play with me and for always inviting me to play with you. And thanks for your dinosaur, again. I'm so happy that I got a chance to meet you, buddy. You're an amazing boy and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Deal?" he nod,

"Promise me to come for my birthday. Please? Daddy will invite you. I asked him to. I want you to come."

"I can't promise you, but I'll do my best to be here. Okay?" he frowned sadly, "I'm sorry bubba. I can't promise you just because I don't wanna break it. I can promise you to try my best. Is that okay?" he nod, lighting up a little bit,

"Could you be my big sis? Like Ro and J?" he then asked, "Be my big sis and stay here forevs! We can play together and we can sing and we can have fun! I promise."

Your heart swelled at the sweet words, at the innocence and love pouring out of his eyes.

"I'll be your best friend. Which is kinda same," you smiled, "You're very special, Zeppelin. And thank you for allowing me to feel very special too. I love you, bug guy. Don't ever forget that," he nod,

"I love you too Y/N. Don't forget me."

"How can I?" you smiled, going down to kiss his cheek. You got rewarded with two tiny arms wrapping around your neck and giving you a squeeze. You smiled, hugging him back, smothering him with small kisses all over his cute little face. You let him down and tuck him in, handing him his blankie, "I'll see you, big guy. Night night."

"Night night, Y/N."

You walked down to the hallway, seeing your luggage waiting for you. Jensen was putting on his shoes and Danneel seemed to be waiting to say goodbye.

"Thanks for the bags," you said,

"No worries," Jensen said as he stood up, walking over to Danneel, "Honey," he whispered, hugging her tightly, "We'll be back for the twins birthday. It's only three weeks."

"I know," she murmured, hugging him back tightly, "I'll miss you."

"I know. But hey, after that we have another week and a half of filming and then we got the entire January off. It's gonna be okay, honey."

"I know, I know," she sighed, breaking the hug, "Y/N, keep an eye out for him?"

"Yes ma'am," you mimicked a soldier salute, both giggling. Jensen kissed Danneel before grabbing the bags and leaving the house,

"Honey, thanks for coming here," Danneel said as she approached to you, "I loved having you here. I hope you'll come back again. And I apologize for the inconvenience with JJ."

"Everything's okay. Thank you for inviting me and for being so nice to me. I appreciate it."

"You're family, kiddo. It's what you get," Jensen smiled softly, "We gotta get going. Jared's waiting with Cliff."

Ten days later

Your biggest headache this upcoming week will be how to pull off showing up for the twins' birthday without creating a mayhem in the Ackles household.

You couldn't break Zeppelin's heart. His innocence reminded you too much of yourself, how innocent and happy, truly happy you once were. All you ever wanted was for people close to you to show up to everything you were doing, whether it was a birthday or a school play. But you weren't so lucky. You didn't want to do the same thing to him. Even though you're not as important in his life, you could tell he loved you and you didn't want to stomp on his little loving heart.

"Jensen?" you spoke up as you walked out of the bathroom, freshly showered, Jensen frowning at the laptop, "Did you manage to get into the command prompt again?"

"No," Jensen said, tilting his head at the laptop, "I think I didn't," he said, making you giggle, "I seriously cannot work this laptop. I don't have strength to figure this out now," he sighed, closing the laptop, "You were saying?"

"Do you have any motel recommendations for me?" Jensen tilted his head at you this time, just as confused at your question as he was about whatever he was doing on his laptop, "The twins have their birthday party next week, right?"

"They do, but what does that have to do with a motel?"

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to add - motel recommendations in Austin," you added, "I can work something around their birthday. I was thinking to take them both for a day and just have fun with them, since I'm not exactly welcome at the party. I just don't want to break Zepp's heart. I can be there and I'll be there."

"First of all, if you haven't noticed, our place can be as well called a big-ass fancy motel. You have a place to stay and I won't let you go to a sketchy motel room when you have a place where I don't have to pace up and down and worry if you're safe every single second of your stay. Second of all, you can totally take the twins for a day, but you are also totally coming to the party," you were to speak up but Jensen cut you off, "No," he shook his head, "You don't win this one. Have you seen Zeppelin? How happy he is when you're with him?" you nod, "See, Zeppelin is not the one to make friends easily. He's the shy one, the one to never play with other kids because he's too shy to come up to them and ask if he can play. He's the kid you see playing by himself in the corner of the sand cube. But my shy bubba made a friend and you are that friend. For what I know so far, he hasn't made any friends in preschool yet, so his only wish is for his friend, his big sis to be there for his birthday, and you'll be there. JJ and Ro will have friends over, Jared will bring his kids too, but all Zeppelin cares about is you. I don't care about what JJ's got to say. Danneel and I have been talking to her and trying to get her to understand that you're not the bad guy and that she should meet you before jumping to the conclusions. But whatever her opinion on you is, it won't have any impact on your presence for the twins' birthday. You're coming. End of story."

"I... Thanks," you whispered, seeing in Jensen's expression he's taken back by your simple words, "For allowing me to come and all. It means a lot."

"You'll always have a place to stay at as long as Dee and I are around," Jensen said, "And as long as Jared and Mish are around as well. I know you've been alone for quite some time, but you're not alone anymore. Can I ask you a question though?" Jensen asked, continuing as you nod, "Why do you want to show up for him? For all I know, he's just a four, well, soon to be five year old."

"He might be five but he still has a heart and emotions. I promised to try my best to be there and if I already don't have filming for a few days I can be there. I've once been that little kid who was so excited and happy when my grandpa threw a birthday party for me. But when nobody showed up, I was so sad. I was crying and wondering why won't kids come to play. I knew I was different, but I went to everyone's birthdays and didn't care about the differences between us. It broke my heart. Even a girl I considered my best friend didn't show up. And my mother put a cherry on top by saying that I'm ugly and weird and that that's the reason why I will never make a friend. Words you tell kids stick to them forever, even if you think they don't. And to know that my own mother, the woman who gave birth to me, saw me that way, it struck deep down. And she never showed up for me when it mattered. Any play, gathering in front of an audience for any sort of celebration. Nothing. All of the other kids had their parents in the audience, and me? I was always alone. I'd walk home alone. The teachers would ask me where's my mom, and I'd just say that she didn't come. I'd lie that she was working, fully knowing she wasn't. Now, I know none of the three won't hear anything remotely similar to this from you and Danneel. But I want to be there for him. He loves me a lot and if I know one thing, it's how it feels when you're left hanging, especially when by someone you hold near to your heart. Of course, this sounds stupid to you but I just..."

"You're not weird, nor ugly, nor whatever your mother fed you with," Jensen said, wrapping his arm around you, "You're Y/N. Sure, you've got your shit but that doesn't make you less worthy of being loved. You're a beautiful, kind and loving soul. You're ready to give up an entire week and a half of free time to go spend it with two five year olds, when you've been in nothing but work-school mode and we both know how much you need a break. I don't see anything ugly in you. Neither do kids, or Dee, or anyone on the set. We love you just the way you are. You aren't supposed to be perfect, nobody is. But you're doing your best and that's what matters and goes beyond everything else that anyone has to say about you. Thank you for loving him the way you do."

"Thanks," you smiled, "I was kind of an ass to you lately. It's just... I'm still trying to understand why would you want to have anything with a thing as broken as me and I..."

"This seems to good to be true, huh?" Jensen smiled, watching as you nod. He stood up from where he was sitting, coming up to give you a gentle hug, "You're not your worst days. You're not your trauma, fears, nightmares. You are you, battered and bruised and hurt but you're still here and you just need time to heal. And some love. And that's exactly what I can offer you. And three little rugrats to eat your brains out as a bonus, though I'm not sure how much they can help," he teased, making you smile, "You're safe, kiddo. Whatever's infecting your dreams at night, whatever shit is brewing in your head, you're safe."

"I... I have nightmares about her," you whispered, Jensen frowning, breaking the hug to look you in the eye, "About... About my mother. She's... Hitting me. Like, boxing bag hitting me. And it feels so real, it hurts. And the worst of it all? Once upon a time it was real. It wasn't a dream. It was a real thing I lived through. Wooden spoon, belt. She didn't give it much of a thought what was she going to use on me. And honestly, nothing hurt as much as the first time, when she plain and simple beat me with her bare hands. Hands that were supposed to love me and hold me were all of a sudden so harsh and did nothing but damage and it was... The worst pain I could think of."

"Shit..." Jensen breathed, hugging you, "She hit you too. What the actual fuck," he murmured and you scrunched your face, trying to hold back tears, "I would love to return the fucking favor to her. No kid should be beaten by their own parent. No matter how bad they fucked up. Kiddo, look at me for a second," he pleaded and you obeyed, looking up to meet his eyes, "Do you have any physical injuries that need to be addressed?"

"No," you shook your head, "All of that happened months, years ago. My body healed. It's just my heart now."

"Okay then. We can work on that," he smiled and you shook your head,

"Don't bother. For real. I'll be fine."

"Every single time you open up a little you shut it off minutes later. Is it because you're afraid of attaching? You think you'll be left alone when you begin opening up?" you kept quiet.

Of course Jensen was going to read you like an open book. How did he do that? How is he capable of doing that?

"Kiddo, you've been keeping all of that somewhere deep down and I think it's about time you let it out, little by little. I know you're afraid that I'm going to up and leave you hanging, and I know that me telling you that I won't leave won't do anything but if you want to try, I can prove you that I really meant what I said. As long as I'm around and as long as Jared and Mish are around, you'll be safe. We won't let anything happen to you."

"You can't promise shit like that."

"Yeah, you're right," Jensen sighed, "How about - I promise to be here whatever happens in your life?"

"You can't promise that either. I'm gonna be gone after filming. I won't live here, I won't work with you anymore."

"You think that just because we're done filming the season we won't stay in touch and we won't come back for another season?" your eyes light up at the mention of a new season, "Hey, Jared, Mish, Dee and I are holding this whole operation together. If we say there's gonna be 10 more seasons, there'll be 10 more seasons. Just letting you know. But my point is- you said you've been a part of the supernatural family for a long time. Then you know that all of us keep in touch, one way or another, and you're no different from others. You know all this. But your head is telling you things and you keep choosing to listen to your head, because, as you said, whenever you listen to your heart things go downhill."

"I've had this bad feeling for a few weeks now and I hope it's just a stupid feeling but wounds and memories I don't even remember existed are showing back up and I'm just... I'm very scared."

"Whether it's a bad feeling or not, I'm here. So is Dee, Jared, Mish. Whoever you want to talk to, you can."

"Why didn't you offer professional help?" you asked, Jensen smiling,

"Well if I were in your shoes I'd rather open up to a familiar face then to someone new. Am I right?" he asked. You thought for a second, nodding after that, "If you want anyone professional to jump in at any moment, reach out to Jared. He's got some contacts, so you don't go to someone who's not safe and trying to find their way into your wallet but will actually help you."

"Okay," you breathed, closing your eyes for a moment, "I know I'm an ass to you and this whole bad feeling thing... It's a lot. But thank you for understanding."

"Don't thank me kiddo. It's the least I can offer. Anytime you wanna talk, I'm right here."

"She... She blamed me," you whispered after some time of complete silence. Jensen got a gentle hold of your hand and walked you over to the couch, sitting you down before he sat next to you, "I never had a dad. My father never wanted me. He accused my mom of lying and cheating and he believed so hard that I wasn't his child. He kicked her out of the house. And it seems like she had made it her mission to make sure that I know I'm the reason they broke apart."

"So, instead of letting that idiot go and focusing on her child, she fully threw you down the rabbit hole and blamed you for something you had no control over? It's not like you wanted to be born. They made you. There's nothing there that points you're wrong. You do know that, right?" you nod, sniffling,

"My grandpa, he never went over my father's behavior. My grandpa wasn't a good dad to my mother and he didn't want me to grow up without a dad. And my mom was miserable too. And he just wanted us both to have him and complete the family. He tried calling, writing letters, reaching out. But nothing ever worked out. At some point he just gave up and tried his best to raise me, make up for being a bad dad by being a good grandpa. And he was the best. And he'd often tell me that same thing you told me - I'm not at fault for their break-up. That was an issue they should have addressed by themselves, not drag me into it."

"Your grandpa sounds like he was the best man in your life," Jensen said, "I hope you got some peace when you were with him. But she was wrong. Everything that ever came out of her mouth was a lie."

"I know."

"That's what you meant when you said you were different from other kids," Jensen spoke up, taking you by surprise as you realized he was actually listening to every single word you said, "You grew up without a dad, and had your grandpa raise you. Not all parents are good at teaching their kids that being different is okay too. But I can tell you that you didn't turn out to be any less of a person because of the circumstances you grew up in, especially since you had your grandpa."

"I've dreamed of having a dad for such a long time. My mom even got together with one guy but he left and never came back. Guess who was at fault for that," you huffed a smile, Jensen groaning, "I really wanted her to be happy. But she never got the chance to settle with someone and I know I wasn't the reason for that but the voice of someone you're supposed to be loved by and cared for by carved all the worst adjectives in my mind and... It's hard."

"It will take a while, but you will heal. I promise."

"You think?"

"With right people around you and right approach, yes."

"I hope so," you breathed, "It just seems like I'm so... Broken. Like, beyond repair broken and some days I hate myself so much and I don't think that I can ever be a happy person and smile again."

"But then you walked into the Ackles household and were smiling for the majority of your stay as you played with Zeppelin," Jensen pointed out, "Were you happy back there? Like really, honestly happy? No bullshit?" you nod, not seeing a point in lying to him,

"I was. He's got a cute smile and such powerful imagination and he's so full of energy, he made it impossible for me to be sad. But it was a temporary fix. And it's not like I'm gonna move in and live in your home with your family after we're done filming, so I gotta work my way through this."

"One step at a time, kiddo," Jensen said, throwing his arm around you and bringing you into a side hug, "One step at a time," you nod, wrapping your arms around him, "She's got some serious unaddressed issues. You're a great person and nobody can take that from you," he commented, making you smile, "Thank you for opening up, kiddo. It means a lot."

"Thank you for not running away from me yet," she responded, Jensen shaking his head,

"Never gonna do that. Wait," he gasped, making you break the hug as you looked up to him, "Is... Is that why you though I was gonna hit JJ? You... You got flashbacks?" you nod, looking down,

"I've seen anger on my mother so many times that I can now easily pinpoint it on any person. You seemed so angry and I have never seen that part of you and I... Yeah. I got scared that you were gonna hit her for something she didn't mean to do. I know you'd never hit any of your kids, but my mind can't help it. I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. And yes, I'll never hit my kids, nor you, because I strongly believe everything can be sorted out with talking, and a grounding here and there. No violence ever solved a thing. Why would I do it on my children?"

"This world needs more parents like you and Dee," you said with a smile, "I would love to have parents like you."

"Well, we're far from perfect, but we can distinguish right from wrong and that's a start I guess," Jensen sighed, "I'm sorry you had to go through all that. But I am also very proud of you making it out and building your own way through life."

"Thanks for everything, Jensen," you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes, "I always knew you were kind. But all of this what you're doing, it's so much greater. Thanks for not bolting though the door. And whenever you want to do so, please just tell me so I can say goodbye. I've had so many people leave and I just wished I was able to say goodbye."

"Not planning to do that," Jensen assured you, making you smile sadly, "I know, I know. You don't believe me. I wouldn't believe it if I were in your shoes for sure. I'll prove it to you, don't you worry about that."

"It's okay, really. Whatever happens, it's okay. I'm just very happy I got to meet you all and work with you. Never in a million years would I think I would end up here."

"Hm, we're glad we got you too," he smiled kindly at you, making you smile back as you hugged him, "Awww, I get a hug."

"Shut up, dork," you teased, making him giggle before feeling his arms wrap around your body,

"Can I ask another question?" he asked. You broke the hug, nodding, "Do you have any other family besides your late grandpa? I don't even want to call that monster family."

"I do, but none of them care. All of them are just as disappointed in me as my mother."

"Well, if Zeppelin hasn't made it obvious, you're very welcome to be his big sis and stay with us whenever and for however long you want," Jensen smiled, kissing the top of your head, "You're great with kids."

"Thanks for the offer. Now, have you gotten anything for the twins birthday?"

"That's what I was trying to work on this thing!" he exclaimed, grabbing the laptop, making you giggle,

"Jesus Christ," you breathed as he handed you the laptop,

"Jensen, but common misconception, as I'm sure we both don't know how to work a laptop."

A/N: Thanks for being patient and reading this chapter! Once again tagging @crasmuna , my biggest support nowadays <3

#jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles x y/n #jensen ackles x daughter!reader #supernatural fanfiction

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battlecries-dear · 2 years

Text

at least until it happened again

Chapter 2 is up :)

read it here below the break or on Ao3

Or catch up on Chapter 1 here

Geralt told himself. After it happened he told himself that it wouldn’t ever happen again. Jaskier clearly didn’t want him in the same capacity, and that was fine. He’d keep that wonderful day locked away behind less sweet memories and try to not think of it too often.

Except, well, Geralt was always shit at saying no to things he wanted just because they were probably gonna blow up in his face.

And Jaskier was just so… the flirtation wasn’t new. Jaskier could chat up anything with a pulse and Geralt was never immune to that, but it felt different now. Like how his tentative offer for a kiss seemed real, like how Geralt couldn’t refuse him.

It was a few months later, after a fight. He had been contracted to take care of a cockatrice nesting in an abandoned wine cellar somewhere in Vizima, and he was being paid for expediency. So he took his potions— some black blood and tawny owl, but he knew he didn’t have any white honey to help him with the comedown. He was resigned to killing the beast, and then sequestering himself away for an hour or two to ride out the remaining sensitivity and restlessness alone. It was never a pretty sight.

Geralt all keyed up on potions was something Jaskier had only really seen a handful of times, and though he knew Jaskier didn’t see him as a beast, he really wasn’t ready to test that luck.

So when they got to the inn, he made sure to put down enough coin for separate rooms.

Jaskier seemed puzzled.

“I see you eyeing up the barmaid,” Geralt tilted his head in the direction of the pretty blonde, “not in the mood for coming back and walking in on your extracurriculars.”

The request itself wasn’t unusual, sometimes Jaskier paid for his own room if he planned on taking someone back to it.

Just, usually, when Geralt went out on a hunt Jaskier was there to help get him cleaned up.

“Hm, well alright, but if you're injured please come find me, dear, I really would hate if you bled out right down the hall.”

“I’ll be fine Jask, just have your fun,” Geralt said, and he went off to his room to prepare.

He was not fine.

Geralt makes it back quite a few hours after sundown, thanking any gods still listening for the near-empty tavern room as he pulls himself bodily up the stairs. He tries to control the sound of his footfalls as he makes his way down the hall, but without a single-minded focus, like disemboweling a cockatrice, things were beginning to become just a bit too much.

Sometimes the ways an improvised cocktail of potions interacts with a witcher's physiology are… well, strange. Sometimes it’ll leave you blind for half a day, sometimes it puts you on your ass with a splitting migraine, sometimes it makes every brush of fabric against your skin feel like a lover's caress.

Geralt was currently overstimulated and really fucking keyed up.

He stumbled through the threshold of his rented room and began tearing out of his armor. He got himself down to his smalls and sat on the bed, gathering his swords with him. He began cleaning his weapons in the hope that he could settle his mind a bit before meditation.

The single-minded task was helping him settle, the disorientation was nearly gone. Although, with all his focus on his blades and his altered state of mind he failed to notice the familiar presence standing outside his door.

The knock shocked him out of his ministrations, and he couldn't help the shaky breath he let out when he realized who it was.

“Geralt, dear, I just heard you come in,” Jaskier paused, likely waiting for some reply. Geralt couldn’t form any words, “If you don’t say something I’m going to assume you’re bleeding out from some terrible wound and I’m your only chance of survival,” Jaskier replied matter-of-factly.

He's able to reboot his brain in time to grunt out a simple, “no,” before realizing he should probably give Jaskier an actual reason lest he comes barging in anyways.

Geralt wasn’t fast enough and he came barging in anyways.

He immediately regretted his choice to strip out of his clothes as soon as he arrived. His skin was still a frightening shade of alabaster and the dark veins snaking across his arms contrasted greatly with his pallor. He kept his head down.

“Geralt… are you alright,” the bard gasped, “oh, have you been afflicted with some poison? Should I get a healer? Oh gods Geralt, are you dying? Legally you have to tell me if you're dying otherwise its—”

“I’m fine,” he cut off the bard’s worried rambling, “surprisingly correct about the poison, mostly,” Geralt's brain to mouth filter had yet to slot itself back in place, lovely.

“You’ve actually been poisoned!?”

“It wasn’t an accident or anything, don’t worry.”

“You’ve been poisoned on purpose ?!”

“It’s one of my potions, I’ll be fine,” Geralt looked up at him then, only meeting Jaskier’s eyes for a moment before realizing his mistake and snapping his head back down.

“Oh love,” Jaskier moved slowly across the room before sitting next to Geralt on the bed, “does it hurt?”

The tenderness in Jaskier’s voice had Geralt looking over to meet his eyes.

He could immediately feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest, the way Jaskier was looking at him made him feel both repentant and adoring at once.

“It’s fine, just not too pretty to look at,” he held his gaze with Jaskier, waiting for him to look away.

He didn’t. Instead, the bard brought a hand up to Geralt's face. The touch felt electric.

“Is there anything I can do to help you while it works its way out of your system?”

Geralt was beginning to realize what a mistake it would be to have Jaskier— Jaskier who really didn’t seem to care he was teetering further on the side of beast at the moment— doting on him as he calmed down. The bard's soft words and even softer touches already turned him into a pining fool at the best of times, there's no question his usual kindnesses would hit Geralt harder like this. When he’s feeling jumpy and tender. Like he wants to dash out of his room and run for the entire night, or like he wants to lie down and be held in someone's arms.

“Just gotta wait it out,” he huffed.

“Yes, I got that, but are you uncomfortable at all?” Jaskier moved a bit closer and placed his other hand on Geralt’s bare shoulder

“I need you to stop touching me,” he said.

“Oh— of course, I’m so sorry,” Geralt immediately regretted his choice of words. The removal of Jaskier's hands from his skin left him wanting. Jaskier looked so dejected and guilty and fuck he did not have the patience right now to properly think through his words.

“No I mean,” Geralt tried to sort though the ill advised desire and restlessness, “fuck.”

“No no, it’s alright I overstepped,” he moved like he was going to stand up. He was going to stand up and he was going to return to his room and Geralt wouldn’t get a chance to explain and that kicked puppy look would stay on his face and it would stay being Geralt's fault.

“Jaskier,” he reached out and gently took hold of his arm, “I just— I don’t want you to stop touching me, and that's the problem.”

Jaskier looked puzzled and Geralt couldn’t help his groan.

“Ok, some potions can leave witcher's… keyed up,” he noted the bard’s widening eyes and hurried to find a better choice of words, “potions that promote endurance in a fight can leave feelings of restlessness without something to focus on, potions that enhance senses can leave one with feelings of… over-sensitivity,” Geralt took a breath, “your touch is… grounding, but it's not all I want to ask from you right now—” Geralt saw Jaskier opening his mouth to speak and barrelled on, “which is why you should return to your room and get some sleep. I’ll be just fine”

“Geralt if you are… insinuating what I think you may be” he seemed to pause with thought for a moment, “and are doing so of your own volition— y’know I've heard of some magic that can create unwanted feelings of lust, if that's what this potion is making you feel, obviously not but. If you are insinuating what I think you are, you must know I’d be amenable.”

“Jaskier…”

“And I know we haven’t spoken about it since our last,” he paused in search of the right word, “tryst, but my attraction for you remains.”

Geralt was once again at a familiar loss for words.

“Geralt if I can… make you feel good, and if that would help take your mind off of the lingering effects, I assure you it would be no trouble on my end.”

Geralt was considering it, he really was. Against his better judgement and against protecting his own heart he was really considering it. He wanted Jaskier, he always wanted Jaskier, and when he's offering like this, he doesn't want to refuse. He’d be able to turn his brain off enough to forget Jaskier was doing this as a favor, right?

“This,” he gestured to himself, the eyes and the skin and the undoubted monstrosity of it all, “is going to stick around for a while yet. I’ll put the lights out but—”

“I can assure you the way you look will never be an issue for me. Now if this is—” and his tone shifted, gone was the reassuring friend in favor of the near famed lover, “if you really do want this, lie back against the bed for me.”

Geralt complied in an instant, his decision was made and he really didn’t feel like hiding how much he was looking forward to this. Also that… authoritative tone in Jaskier’s voice tied his mind up into funny knots.

“Thank you,” Jaskier took a breath in and let it out slowly, “you really are a picture… I wish I had kept up with painting, this scene alone inspires masterpiece.”

“Jaskier,” Geralt warned.

“Oh hush, let a poet appreciate his muse.”

“ Jaskier ,” he groaned, feeling foolish and exposed and adored all at once.

“Don’t worry love, I’ll get my mouth on you soon enough,” Jaskier moved over him on the bed, placing a sweet kiss next to his bellybutton.

“Wait—” Jaskier paused immediately, bracing himself up higher on his arms, “I… could you—” oh what the fuck, was Geralt really about to ask him that? He might have to do some asking around to see if the potions he took inspired this truthfulness in any of his brothers. He supposed he was never around anyone for long enough for them to notice it.

“What is it love?” Jaskier asked earnestly, and fuck, the soft gravelly tone of his voice almost had him confessing all his closest kept affections and desires.

“It’s nothing, it’s foolish,” he replied shortly.

“Sweetheart, I want you in more ways than I don’t— if there's something in particular you desire from me, I’d be nothing but delighted to give it.”

Geralt paused, thinking, really, worst case Jaskier says no and leaves, that would probably be smart even. Get the bard out before Geralt could do anything else incriminating. And if he said yes…

“Want you to fuck me,” he mumbled out, “I know that’s not… I’m not—”

“Let me stop you there. Yes, obviously yes,” Jaskier took a long breath, “thank you for telling me that, it was good of you.”

Geralt felt his heart in his throat, at the agreement or Jaskier’s choice of words or both, he couldn't tell.

“How do you want—”

Geralt made quick work of rolling over under him. He already knew he'd need a pillow to shove his head into to quiet his noise, and the thought of looking into Jaskier’s eyes while he… and his eyes were still nothing but spidery black pupils with barely any white around the edges… yeah, on his stomach it is.

“Well alright then,” the humor in his voice was comforting.

“There's oil in my small leather bag,” Geralt turned his head to the side and mumbled halfway against the pillow, eyes nearly closed.

“You’re always so well prepared,” he said simply while rummaging through a bag.

“One of us has to be.”

“Oh he’s got jokes!” Jaskier said before he pulled out a leather wrapped glass bottle out and moved back over to the bed, He kneeled next to Geralt and placed a hand on the waistband of his pants, “these have got to go, I’ve a sudden and overwhelming need that cannot be sated with you in even a single stitch of clothing.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he grunted, but shimmied out of his smalls anyways.

He heard a distinct rustle of fabric behind him as Jaskier presumably undressed and he fought an urge to turn around and look his fill. Scary black eyes. Parchment skin. Sharp teeth. Scrapes and bruises. Bad idea.

So he didn’t look, yet, but he did ask If Jaskier could put out two of the three burning lanterns in the room. Not plunging them into darkness, but dim enough where Geralt's enhanced sight would fare better than Jaskier’s human eyes.

He obliged and took his place next to where Geralt lay, exposed in more ways than one.

Jaskier started with a teasing press of a finger.

“Y’know,” he began to speak, “I misjudged you. I thought there was no way, big, pretty thing like you… I thought if you did bed men, you’d be the one doing the fucking,” Jaskier pulled his hand away for a moment before returning it now covered in oil. Geralt groaned as the single pressing finger became more insistent, but still not enough, “I see now that I relied far too much on stereotypes, and Melitele’s quivering thighs I’m so glad I was wrong.”

“Jaskier.”

“Yes yes I know ‘get on with it bard’ and other such tender words,” Jaskier’s impression of Geralt’s own gruff voice had him huffing out a laugh that turned into a whine as Jaskier pressed a finger in, in, in and began slowly rubbing it in and out.

“There you go love,” Jaskier cooed, “so good for me.”

Geralt tried not to preen at the praise. Fuck. He really didn’t think through asking Jaskier to not use his mouth on him, that meant he'd be free to talk as much as he’d like. If the bard kept saying things like that Geralt was going to embarrass himself even more.

“Is that good for you Geralt?” he asked all too knowingly.

“Just get on with it, bard.”

“There it is!” he joked, before adding, “as always, your wish is my command,” and pushed another finger in with the first, “d’you need any more oil?”

“I’m good,” he could probably use a bit more, but the unscented stuff was for some reason more expensive, and he didn’t have much coin to spare right now.

Jaskier hummed, and he felt a small drizzle of the oil pouring down, down, down.

“No such thing as too much, I’ll buy you more,” he replied simply. Geralt was struck for a moment at the consideration before realizing who he was dealing with.

And then Jaskier pushed another finger in with little fanfare and Geralt was further reminded of who he was dealing with. The surprise and the filling stretch of the third finger was enough to turn his heavy breaths into gasps against the pillow.

“There you go, love.”

Geralt could feel the stretch and rub of Jaskier's fingers— a skilled musician's fingers, and it was driving him crazy.

“Look at you, already on your way to being a quivering mess for me, huh? Haven’t even given me a chance to even get inside of you yet love.”

“Then get o—”

“‘On with it bard’ yes, I know,” Jaskier finished for him, “Let me enjoy this just a moment longer.”

Geralt hummed in reply and tried fruitlessly to steady his breathing.

Jaskier kept it up for minutes that felt like hours after that, Geralt's breaths turned to groans turned to whines.

“You just want me to beg,” he said accusingly.

“Mm, you were so ready last time. Although last time I had my mouth on you, maybe I should—”

“Jaskier.”

“Yes, ok, I can hear the ‘get on with it’ in your tone,” he slowly removed his fingers and braced himself over top of Geralt.

The subtle weight at his back was tantalizing. He knew Jaskier was stronger than he looked, he knew how well his fancy clothes hid the cut of his muscle and he knew how much that turned him on. Jaskier wasn’t letting his full weight against Geralt though, and he couldn't keep in his small sound of frustration.

“Everything alright down there?” Jaskier asked, his lips dangerously close to Geralt’s ear.

“Mm, I’m not gonna break,” he could hear Jaskier’s preparatory intake of breath and he kept going before the bard had a chance to speak, ”you can throw your weight around a little, I know you’re good for it… If you want.”

Now it was Jaskier’s turn to hum.

He laid his head down on Geralt's back, and braced one hand on his side before he lifted his hips and guided his cock to Geralt’s entrance.

“Keep saying things like that and my hearts gonna give out.”

“Oh you're one to talk— ah!” Geralt called out as he felt Jaskier’s oiled up cockhead entering him. Gods, it's been years since he's been taken like this, Jaskier's assumptions about preferences weren’t uncommon amongst the few men he's been with, he’d almost forgotten how much he enjoyed this.

Taking Geralt's moans and whimpers as a sign, Jaskier began to push in slowly, “Is this alright?”

Geralt could do nothing but nod with his head pushed into the pillow beneath him.

“Use your words sweetheart,” he said as he pulled out a bit and pushed back in further. He repeated the action a few times before Geralt could feel as his fragile resolve to not beg was shattered.

He turned his head back to the side and gasped at the cool air hitting his face and Jaskier's slow but steady pace as he pushed himself in further.

“Please,” Geralt mumbled out against the express wishes of his higher brain functions.

“What was that love?” Jaskier asked.

“Please, Jask,” he gasped as he felt Jaskier's hips push up against his ass, “please I need you to…” he trailed off into a groan, “please Jaskier I need you to fuck me.”

Jaskier slowly dragged out nearly all the way, before pushing back in, somehow even slower, “mm, that's what I’m doing here isn't it?”

Geralt whined. Loud and high and bratty. Before trying to push himself back into Jaskier.

The hand on his waist moved to his hips and Jaskier pushed down, getting the message across loud and clear, ‘stay still’ .

“I’d love it if you used your words for me darling.”

“Jask,” he was almost surprised at how quickly he began to comply, almost, “please. I need you to fuck me. Harder or faster or both or something, I just need,” Jaskier's hips snapped against him and he squealed , “more!”

“Good boy.”

“Fuck,” he gasped out, “fuck Jask, say that again.”

“Hmm, I think you've got to earn that, love. You’ve got to be good.”

“I can—” he felt his face heat, “I can be good, please.”

“God sweetheart, you're trembling,” He said.

Jaskier pressed down a bit harder at Geralt's hip —halting his unconscious rutting against the mattress—, and began to set a faster pace. Every thrust felt deeper and more substantial and it was becoming difficult for Geralt to keep his head above water.

He very quickly got to a point where he couldn’t produce any words more substantial than “fuck” and “please” and “more” as Jaskier kept up his quickened pace. He could feel the bard's hot breath against his skin and the combination of sensations was beginning to push him towards an edge.

“I knew you’d be good for me,” Jaskier muttered into his ear, “like you were made for this.”

Geralt didn’t give any warning considering he was as blindsighted by his orgasm as Jaskier was. He could feel it throughout his whole body, he could feel as Jaskier's hips stuttered a bit before falling back into pace, pushing in and out of him till he felt the last of his orgasm fade.

Jaskier started to pull out and Geralt quickly protested, “No, no, c’mon, finish,” the ‘inside of me’ part went unsaid, but Jaskier still let out a groan that had Geralt thinking if he himself hadn’t already just come to Jaskier’s voice, that would’ve sealed the deal.

“You’re killing me, love.”

“Stay alive at east till you’re done,” Geralt mumbled, already feeling the arousal and adrenaline being replaced by exhaustion.

And he did, stay alive that is. Jaskier only slowed down his thrusts a bit, and kept at it for no longer than two minutes before he was stuttering against Geralt's back.

When Jaskier moved to pull out this time, Geralt didn’t stop him. Not that he didn’t want to, gods just the thought of Jaskier staying inside of him after he— Geralt quickly cut off that train of thought and tracked Jaskier across the small room.

He grabbed a small cloth and cleaned the both of them up before starting to redress in the dim light.

Ah, that's right, Geralt got them separate rooms, also Jaskier probably didn’t want to stay. It was one thing to amuse a beast begging to be fucked, it was another thing to spend the night.

Geralt chanced a look at the small silver mirror set into the wall to the right of the bed. His eyes were almost back to normal, just heavily dilated pupils now, but his skin was still pallid and disconcerting, he averted his gaze back to Jaskier who was pulling on his boots.

“We shouldn’t do this again,” Geralt said, looking past Jaskier’s head.

“Oh,” he began, “did I—”

“No, no, you were good, this is just a bad idea.”

“Right, no you're right, wouldn’t want to complicate things,” Jaskier said slowly.

“Mhmm.”

“Well, I’ll be heading out then, see you in the morning Geralt,” and with that, he walked to the door and left.

‘Stupid. God that was stupid,’ A tinny voice in the back of his head insisted.

He couldn't help but agree.

He welcomed a night of dreamless sleep.

#the witcher #jaskier #geralt #geralt of rivia #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geraskier fic

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cognitosclowns · 2 years

Note

Soft bathtime with Andre. Warm water and bath bombs, cuddling in the water as you wash his hair. Maybe listening to some music and just enjoying eachothers company.

ANON YOU <3333 UNDERSTAND YOU UNDERSTAND THE THINGS THAT MAKE MY BRAIN TINGLE

SFW!! nonsexual nudity!!

HE DESERVES A NICE BATH DAMMIT

He,, doesn't really have em ever?? he usually sticks to super fast showers. they're usually cold too bc,, the heating in his apartment complex is super spotty

YOU CAN GO ALL OUT. BUDDY HE'S NOT AFRAID OF SPARKLY BATH BOMBS AND SUGARY SOAPS. IN FACT HE FUCKING LOVES THAT SHIT

if you lay out like,, cute little rose petals in the water?? a funky multicolored bath bomb that makes the water all sparkly?? <333 oh his eyes light up so much. Excited Giggles Galore, probably some sneaky little

'woooow i can't believe you're watching me undress are we about to kiss right now???'

'... we've been dating for three years-'

'WE HA V E?????' before cracking up laughing. That's his favorite joke.

MNSMDSNDM HES A DORK <333 BUT HE IS YOUR DORK

'do you want me to split the bathbomb in half, so you can save some for later?'

'no??? because I'm not a fucking supervillain??? WHO TF DOES THAT????'

he will mix and match bath bombs tho. You may have to limit him so that the water doesn't become sludge.

OOOOOHHHH... you.. don't get a groan of relief when he slips into the tub because he will instead Winge About How Its Hot And It Hurts, Until His Body Adjusts To The Temperature smdnsmd

OHO <3333 he wants to hold you while you relax in the tub please. Just,, your back to his chest, his Spindly Fuckin Legs trying to wrap around you like some sort of Very Tired Venus Flytrap smnsmd

OH assorted thing but poke his tummy. he'll start gigglin. nothing massive lmao he just <333 is pretty ticklish there.

FOOT BATTLES THAT ARE GONNA SPLASH WATER EVERYWHERE LMAO

LIL KISSES ON YOUR CHEEK AND NECKKKK <333 if you have soaps available he'll,, cover his hands in like Some Nice Soap and massage your back. <333 vice versa is also smth he'd,, adore.

HES GONNA FALL ASLEEP SORRY <333 his head is gonna loll forwards and BOOM, snoring <333

HE'LL FUSS A BIT IF YOU MAKE HIM WAKE UP BUT ONCE HIS TEETH START CHATTERING BC THE WATERS GOTTEN COLD??? HES UP HES UP HES BOLTING OUTTA THE TUB SMDNSDM

(does he almost break his ass, slip n sliding around on the now wet floor?? yes absolutely but he's sturdy its probably fine-)

<3333 THIS WAS FUCKIN,, CUTE DAMMIT <333 TYSM FOR THE LOVELY ASK

#bath hcs with all the fluffy niceness is so nice <333 god this shit is so cute #andre lee #andre lee x reader #dr andre lee x reader #dr andre lee #sfw #fluff #inside job #CUTE SHIT RIGHT HERE #<333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 #'honey you're gonna break your ass' 'i never had any to begin with so i wont lose mu-UUHCH-' before losing his balance

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nakamoto-aesthetics · 3 years

Text

Guardian Angel | Johnny

synopsis: on the way from a friends house you bump into a man who was trying to harm you but luckily a guy named johnny saves you before you were taken. from there you get to know him a bit and things get… interesting. (the synopsis makes the story sound boing but i promise it’s not :)

pairing: johnny suh x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff, a lil smut

warning: something similar to human trafficking in the beginning (if you’re sensitive to that topic please don’t read this fic), heavy make out shesh, not proofread!, other than that there’s nothing i can think of

a/n: also remember that this is a FIC and not real life, please don’t welcome strangers into your home :))

word count: 4.1k

“where do you think you’re going in that cute little dress baby?” an unfamiliar voice is heard as you walk down the fairly dark street. you don’t say anything and continue to walk not paying any attention to the voice. there was no one else really around, barely any cars passing by, let alone people.

“I asked you a question, I expect an answer” the tone was firm, his footsteps getting faster and so do yours. you hurriedly pull out your phone, quickly forming a plan that involved some of your friends but that all crashed and burned once you saw the dead battery flashing on the screen. your heart sink and tears instantly pooled in your eyes, threatening to fall from your eyes. that was your only escape, what were you gonna do now?

you were just trying to get home that was all. maybe you should’ve let your friend drive you home but you didn’t because you didn’t want to cause your friend an inconvenience. you were beginning to regret that decision, all because of that small reason. at least you would’ve been home safe and sound but no, you decided to be the unselfish and independent person you are, and look where it got you.

“hey!” a hand grips your shoulder from behind and swings you around. “I asked you a question when I ask a question I expect an answer” the guy wasn’t a foreigner, he was most definitely korean. he seemed to be in his mid-30s, the age definitely showed. there were creases and wrinkles in some areas of his face and his clothes were all black including his shoes. you try to pull away from the grip but he only grips your shoulder harder, hurting you more than you would like to admit.

“maybe I need to refresh your short memory,” the guy chuckles lowly, his finger shifting your head up to meet his eyes. “where are you going in that cute little dress?” his eyes looked you up and down, his free hand gliding down your waist, slowly traveling to your ass. your face stayed straight the entire time even while tears fell down your face. you knew who had the upper hand power in the situation, you knew there was little you could do even if you didn’t dare say it aloud.

“still not talking? well maybe I should force it out of you huh?” he tilts his head. no, because the whole time you were creating a plan b in your head since plan a failed. there was no way you were going to allow yourself to be trafficked.

“well then, you made this choice for yourself. i’m sorry to do this sweetheart” his hands grope your ass and that's when you strike. you move your leg up to kick him in the balls but he’s faster than you, grabbing ahold of your leg before it collided with his area.

“is that what you were doing this whole time, creating that wack-ass plan? you didn’t think i’d see it coming that’s so cute,” he fake coos. “i’ve been doing this longer than you, i’m smarter and faster than you love” he throws down your leg and in the blink of an eye, you are turned around in his grip with an arm around your neck. your hand flies to his arm and you pull on it, not wanting to be choked to death.

“is there a problem over here miss?” another unfamiliar voice calls, making both you and the guy look over to where it came from. it was a tall guy with light brown hair. he had tan skin and different pieces of clothing put together that oddly worked. his eyes were a soft brown, not too harsh. he was… kinda cute if you were being honest. he was also In the process of taking his headphones out of his ears, for what reason? you didn’t know.

“there’s no problem here, keep on walking buddy” the male answered for you.

“I asked the lady not you” the new stranger spoke harshly to the trafficker and look at you once again. “are you okay?” he knitted his eyebrows. your eyes caught his, filling with tears, threatening to spill from your eyes. he nodded softly understanding how you were feeling through your eyes. he then looked at the male behind you.

“let her go, I don’t wanna hurt you” he said firmly.

“oh yeah, what can you do?” he looks him up and down and laughs at the guy, walking back to his original place, which was a block or two away.

“Im can do a lot” the stranger walks in front of you and the guy, making you both stop once again.

“listen man, this is my girlfriend. we’re just having a little disagreement aren’t we honey?” the guy tightens his hold around your neck. you open your mouth trying to suck in more air but his hold gets tighter. you tap on his arm in hopes that he’ll release you but he doesn’t. there was no way you were gonna agree with him.

the stranger doesn’t think furthermore and before either of you knew it, your head was being moved out the way carefully and a punch was thrown at the guy's face. you heard a crack of a bone and quickly moved away from the area, running out the man's hold.

it was like an action movie, the man was the villain and the stranger was the hero, and you were the one in need of help. the fight ended with the stranger still standing and the man now on the floor. he wasn’t moving but his chest was still rising and falling. he wasn’t dead although you weren’t sure what was gonna happen in the next few minutes but you weren’t gonna find out either.

“are you okay?” the stranger rushes over to you, sliding off his jacket and handing it to you.

“that won’t be necessary” you chuckle and wave your hand at his jacket.

“please, I insist” he places the jacket around you, not wanted to make you feel uncomfortable by touching you.

“thank you” you look down and smile softly.

“it’s no problem, I could never just walk by if I saw something like that” he smiles gently. “do you want me to walk you home? you know, to make sure you get there safe?”

“uhh… why not” you smile and begin to walk in the direction, he comes up beside you and walks along with you.

you pulled his jacket closer to your body for warmth as you kept your eyes glued to the sidewalk, scarred by what had just happened. you’ve never experienced something that traumatic before. you could’ve been snatched up a while ago if it hadn’t been for the guy walking beside you right now.

“thank you” your voice was quiet in a way it had never been before.

“anytime” he glances over to you, seeing your small frame wrapped in his jacket.

“I really do mean it, if you wouldn’t have been there I don’t know what I would've done”

“yeah, i’m glad I was there too. it hurts me to see things like that happen” he shakes his head. “I wish I could protect everyone around the world,” he breathily laughs. “that’s probably why I want to be a police officer” your ears perked up when you heard that. you looked up at him with surprised eyes and he looked at you nodding his head.

“it’s always been a dream of mine ever since I was a kid. when I read my first comic book I loved everything about it, I knew I wanted to be some kind of hero after that. I wanted my parents to buy me every single superhero costume so then I could feel like that character, with all the powers and stuff.” you breathily laugh at that, he notices and laughs with you. “anyways that’s enough about me, I wanna know about you” he looks attentively to you.

the conversation continues until you got home. you learned that his name was johnny and that he was 25. he grew up in his hometown chicago but his parents are both korean, and he moved to seoul for better job opportunities. you gotta admit, the guy was interesting and you wanted to know more about him, you thought he was pretty cool.

“so… this is it?” johnny stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks up at the house.

“yep” you look at the house and back to him. it got quiet for a few seconds, neither of you wanted to say bye to each other. johnny wanted to get to know you more and you wanted to know him more also.

“listen, I don’t know if the feeling is mutual but I wanna talk to you some more so how about this, I give my number and you get to choose if you want to text me” he offers and you instantly take it up. he smiles softly and enters his number in your phone. once you receive it back you see the name option blank.

“you’re not gonna name yourself?” you cock your eyebrow at him and he lightheartedly chuckles.

“I want you to have free will and set it as whatever you want. I want you to always feel like you have a choice when you're with me y/n” a smile was blatant on his face, allowing the corners of your mouth to pull up also.

“well thank you very much johnny,” you say, staring into his eyes, which seemed to catch the light from the streetlights in a way you’d never seen before. would it be weird to say that you wanted to get to know the sweet guy in front of you more?

“um.. i guess i should get going, it was nice meeting you y/n” his hypnotizing but kind eyes still staring into your soul. you never wanted to part away from them, from him. johnny was captivating, too captivating to let slip through your fingers.

“it was nice meeting you too. see you later johnny” you dismiss him yet his feet don’t move, they stay in place and so does he, looking at you with eyes of fondness. this continues for about a minute before you break the silence/slight sexual tension.

“uh- actually, do you wanna come in? i’m not going to sleep right away, honestly might have some trouble falling asleep” you shake your head, looking down and pretend to find your nails interesting.

“a-are you sure? i wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable-” he seems caught off guard by your words, obviously snapping him out of whatever trance he was in.

“not at all, now come on. i’ll put on a movie and get some food and drinks. it’ll be good” you smile brightly, grabbing his hand without thinking and taking him up to your front door. you unlock it quickly and turn on the lights, stepping into your clean house.

“this is a very nice environment you have y/n” he looks around staying still in his place, nodding his head, seeming genuinely impressed with it.

“thank you, it took a bit of work to get to this point” you chuckle, taking off your shoes and then his jacket. “oh, here you go” you hold the piece of heavy fabric out to him. he utters a ‘thanks’ once he sees it and takes it.

“you can put your shoes there” you point to the shoe rack beside to door. “and your jacket can go there” you point to the coat racket right next to the shoe rack. he doesn’t say anything and does as you say.

“now make yourself comfortable i’ll be right back” you point to the couch and then walk away but not before you caught his eyes. damn those eyes..

“now why did she do that? i swear horror movie characters are so fucking dumb” you roll your eyes and johnny laughs, agreeing with you.

“i mean what would you do in her position” you look at him. the light from the tv illuminating him perfectly. it was dark everywhere else so the only light you had was from the tv.

“i would’ve saved the friend and then booked it not stand there like an idiot waiting for someone to kill me” he looked at you right back, giving you that same look from earlier but his eyes were a bit brighter, filled with joy.

“exactly! so why can’t she do the same?” you sigh.

“y/n it’s just a movie” he chuckles.

“i know, i know but they really irritate me yk? like why stand there knowing damn well a killer is in the house with you i mean it’s-“

“alright it’s time to turn this off” he backs out of the movie, returning to the netflix screen where you started.

“hey!” you look at him with confused eyes.

“you were way too into it, it‘s not good for your blood pressure.” he says and looks at the tv, going through the comedy section.

you kept your eyes on him watching the way his eyes watch the screen attentively. you nibble on your lip, beginning to get lost in your thoughts. he could be your friend, best friend, boyfriend... husband- too far y/n, too far. you just met the guy but you felt like you’ve known him for a long time. you could see him being a potential boyfriend honestly. it’s been a while since you’ve had a boyfriend, really only focused on work. it wouldn’t be a bad idea. johnny seemed nice and he was interesting in a way nobody has been before, you could stay up talking to him and it wouldn’t get boring ever. what if you guys-

“y/n?” his head turns toward you and he catches you staring back at him with your lip between your teeth. he smiles softly and that’s when you are dragged out of your thoughts.

“here” you say out of nowhere making johnny laugh harder than before, his head is thrown back and his eyes are closed, filling the atmosphere with his beautiful laughs. meanwhile, you sat there a little confused and startled, blinking multiple times.

“huh?” you furrow your eyebrows.

“nothing” he waves his hands continuing to laugh.

“yah!” you hit his arm playfully. “i was lost in my thoughts im sorry” you look down feeling your cheeks heat up.

“while staring at me? what were you thinking about?” he says after his laughter dies down.

“uh.. nothing important, what did you pick?” you look at the tv trying to change the subject and you’re thankful that it works.

“that was a great movie, what’d you think?” johnny looks over to you and you nod tiredly, letting out a yawn. “oh somebody’s tired” he says and you don’t know if it was because you were tired but you thought it was cute.

“i enjoyed it and yes i am tired” you lazily chuckle and rub your face.

“alright, i’ll leave-“ he goes to stand up.

“no-“ you say abruptly and grab his wrist and his eyes shift down to your hold on him. “i mean… no you don’t have to, it’s late and i don’t want you going home at this time of night” you checked your phone with your free hand, completely forgetting about your grip on his wrist.

‘4:08 am’

“damn it’s four already?” your eyes bulge out your head and look up at him, his eyes still watching the way your skin was touching his. “you mister aren’t going anywhere, wouldn’t want anything to happen to you” you move closer to him and he notices this. you take your hand off his wrist and interlock your arms, resting your head on his shoulder. maybe it was the sleepiness that put you in this position but you didn’t mind it one bit, too tired to care.

he seemed surprised tensing up almost immediately but relaxing once he realized what was really happening. you were like the little bear that found comfort in the big bear. johnny brushed the extra pieces of hair out the way, how was it that he’d just met you but he felt so connected to you as if you were a lifelong friend he hadn’t seen in a long time. he didn’t under but at the same time, he didn’t want to understand it. he’d rather just let whatever this was flow at its own pace.

“do you think we’re moving too fast?” you say out of nowhere, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“i was just thinking about that and i think we should just let it happen naturally. whatever happens, happens” he says in a sweet voice and caresses your arm gently with his free hand. “if it feels right then act on it right? anyways, that’s the motto”

you move your head to look up at him and nod, intending to catch his eyes and you do. you’re only inches away from each other’s faces, eyes shifting from his eyes to his lips and so do his before either of you knew it your lips collided. johnny holding your jaw between his index and thumb. you wrap your hands around his neck and sit up slowly shifting onto his lap. your heart began to race as you kissed him deeper, johnny too, feeling his heart pumping with adrenaline, moving his hands down to your waist and gripping it. you moan softly against his lips as his hands travel inside your shirt. he felt like pure ecstasy against you. his touch, his lips, his words, everything him felt so good with you.

his hands then slid down to your hips and he gripped them, continuing to kiss you like no tomorrow. he pulls away from your lips, you following his lips for more, and he chuckles; before you knew it his lips were on your neck, pressing soft kisses to it making you moan softly. when his lips found your sweet spot he attacked it, leaving a dark red hickey in that place. you began to move your hips against his, hungry for some type of stimulation down there. his hands fly to your hips and he rests his head in the crook of your neck, letting out soft grunts.

you bite your lip and pull him up to kiss his neck, one of his hands rest on your shoulder. once you find his sweet spot you do as he did and leave a dark red hickey. you pull back and look at it proudly.

“an eye for an eye” you wink at him.

“yeah, yeah” he smiles and pulls your face closer, kissing you again, this time using a bit of tongue. you moan instantly, letting him win and he explores your mouth as your hands glide down his chest, you could feel all of the contours and lines of his muscles and abs, letting you know he was fit. which only made him sexier. your hands slip under his shirt and you explore the area. he was too hot for you to handle, you could pounce on him again even though you kind of already pounced on him. he’s just too hot.

you pulled away abruptly and he looked at you with a confused expression. you smirked and stood up, him still looking at you, obviously confused. he reached for your wrist but you pulled it away and before he could say anything, with the help of his thighs you got on your knees. his confused expression was now gone as he watched the scene unfold, his jeans were so tight against him and you knew that. his hard-on wasn’t small either, it was actually pretty big, you could still see his print though it was dark and you wanted to help him out so you teased him by gliding your fingers up his thighs and then teased his dick by running your finger up and down his hard-on.

“stop t-teasing” he breathily moans, watching your every move.

you smirked, looking up at him and unzipped his jeans.

did you guys fuck? no. just oral sex, that was all you guys agreed to. johnny thought it would be a bad idea to have sex during the initial meet. he said it would be best to give it at least a few weeks. he truly did wanna get to know you some more as did you and that’s why you were okay with not going that far.

you slept in your room after you guys were done giving each other head. you’d given him a blanket to sleep with and a comfortable pillow instead of making him use one of the uncomfortable decor ones on your couch.

“thank you johnny,” you said as he grabbed his coat. you let him stay for breakfast, that you and him cooked together. (he wasn’t going to let you cook it by yourself)

“for what? i should be thanking you. i had fun” he says as he puts his coat on.

“because i had fun too. the most i’ve had in a long time so thank you for that”

“it’s nothing really, i’m glad i could reflect some light on” he laughs and slips his shoes on.

“i hope we could do that again” you hint your fondness toward him.

“of course we can you just gotta let me know. i’m always free” he looks at you with that look once again and you can’t help but let it slip out.

“why do you keep looking at me like that, you’ve been giving me the same look since you met me” you say softly so then it doesn’t one out harsh and you know it doesn’t when he responds.

“because...” he moves closer to you which makes your heart skip a beat. “i actually like you y/n, and i mean it. you’re so different from other girls i’ve met. i’m not just another handsome guy to you. you take an interest in the things i say and the stories i tell you, not many girls do and i thank you for that alone. thank you for listening to me.” he moves even closer to you, grabbing your hands which makes your heart begin to race. “so when i look at you like this, i’m thanking you.” he doesn’t say anything after that continuing to stare deeply into your eyes.

you felt so drunk in the moment, hypnotized by his eyes and soft words. you could already feel how head over heels you were gonna be for this guy, that's if you guys kept it up, which you think you will. the chemistry was way too strong for either of you to let go of.

“thank you” you whisper and he nods gently not breaking eye contact. “you should get going, i wouldn’t want you to be late for work. you still gotta get home in time to change out of these clothes... do you need a ride or?”

“kind of... only if it’s not too much trouble” he answers.

“of course it’s not, come on” you quickly get your stuff on and take him home.

“this is it” he says and you stop the car once you’re in front of the house.

“okay, i’ll see you later” you look over to him and he’s already looking at you. nothing happens for a few seconds but then johnny leans over to you and kisses you. you sigh into the kiss and grab ahold of his neck and kiss him back as his hand rests on your neck, he kisses you just as deep as last night but before anything serious happens he pulls away and lets a ‘text me’ roll of his tongue before he exits the vehicle and walks to his front door, unlocking it and walking inside. all without looking back.

you however, were in complete awe. he kissed you like that and then left. damn was he a good kisser, you could still feel the sensation of his lips on yours even after he was gone. you touched your lips and then smiled, pulling off.

bonus: later that day; the evening

you decide to pick up your phone and do exactly what he said earlier.

you: what was that all about earlier? - y/n

johnny🥰😫: so you decided to finally text me😊

johnny🥰😫: and what was what about👀

you: you know what i talking about. the kiss in the car

johnny🥰😫: you know, it was just a see you later kiss

you: mhm, okay mr. suh

johnny🥰😫: what?😂

you: imma give your ass a ‘see you later’ kiss and then walk away. see how it makes you feel

johnny🥰😫: bring it on then sexy, let’s see what you got

you: oh i’ll show you what i got👀

johnny🥰😫: are we still talking about kissing?😳

you: maybe, maybe not🤷‍♀️👀

NCT Masterlist

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rouiyan · 3 years

Text

𝘙𝘖𝘖𝘍𝘛𝘖𝘗 𝘙𝘖𝘔𝘈𝘕𝘊𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘵𝘺 ]

synopsis — taeyong is ready to take on the whole world and anything else that dare comes between him and a successful first date.

✧ idol!lee taeyong x (gender neutral reader) ✧ established relationship au, first date au

✧ genre : fluff ✧ word count 1.5k ✧ disclaimers light swearing, food

✧ author's note — kinda enduring a little phase of writer's block after exerting all my feelies on 'it's (un)conditional' but i got sum black tea, a ten minute break between classes, and i'm gonna fucking write this.

the air is cold to the touch, breezy and crisp, with the loom of autumn sitting atop the clouds and you think it'll rain any second. suddenly, this very well-anticipated date comes with a feeling of dread. arriving at the apartment complex, you give yourself a once-over in the lobby mirror before heading up. taeyong had asked over facetime, a little under a fortnight ago, if he could take you on a date, something appropriately social distance themed. his door, now swinging open in front of you, caught the edge of his foot and from there, you brought your eyes up his figure to meet his own.

the man is wearing casual jeans, a grey knit sweater and black shoes that resemble clogs, you're not very sure, but it isn't his outfit that throws you off, it's the gargantuan, and i mean, colossal, backpack that’s weighing down his posture. and not just any normal, day-to-day backpack, it's the fucking 'i'm going camping for seven days in the mountains' type of backpack, with the straps that clasp in the front, once across the chest and once across the waist. "taeyong, babe, you-"

he cuts you off, a sweet lopsided smile adorning his face, "ready to go?"

taeyong doesn't answer but instead, takes lead, brushing lightly past you, his hand sneaking for yours and intertwining fingers in the process, eyes focused entirely up ahead. a few steps behind him, you peer over his shoulders (and enormous bag) to see that he's heading for the stairwell. confusion clouds over your face as you ponder whether to question him or not. taeyong clips the door open with the heel of his foot as he draws you by the hand in front of him, hands brief on your hips to guide you up the stairs from behind.

taking a fleeting glance at the man who's quick on your heels, you bear in mind the way the skylight that filters light softly down the column of stairs illuminates his face in a way you can only describe as superlunary, the gossamer-thin strands of hair falling into his eyes, bending light in ways that deem inconceivable. the fine features of his countenance that you are oh-so-blessed to be in the presence of on a daily. even the scar beside his eye offering another depth of otherworldly complexity to his expression. his smile broadens, crinkling up the corners of his eyes, scar included.

"please don't tell me we're going up to the tenth floor," you give into your questioning observations.

"don't worry, even i have a hard time setting foot in there," he discloses, "a little further than that though, hope it isn't too tiring."

"taeyong, sweetie, are you sure this isn't too tiring for you? with that hunk on your back and all?"

if your eyes weren't set ahead, you'd be met with another quirk of his lips, hands finding yours again and giving it a small, inspiriting squeeze. "not even a bit."

the door at the top of the stairway reveals a wide space, open to the sky and the teeming city below. but it's all the same as the sky you were met with upon arriving, the sunlight having trouble peering through the thick haze of grey clouds, the whole picture setting a muted film of scintillating light over the ground and all above. a frown crossed pout is cast in your visage as taeyong immediately sets to work in unpacking the load.

you stand a little off to the side until he spreads a thick blue blanket on the floor adjacent to the wall that houses the flight of stairs you’d just came from. sitting atop, you watch as he constructs a projector and screen setup, random objects emerging from the bag with each coming minute. soon you're left with a spread of chips and homemade salsa, your boyfriend's laptop, a blow-up couch, a hoard of pillows and blankets, and finally, the beginnings of pitter-patter drops from the sky. cursing, you look over at taeyong who, instead of looking anywhere near fazed, has a set look of determination lining his features, a rigid and clenched jawline, and brows drawn in to a point. he gives you a glance, one that immediately softens the creased lines on his face, and sets back to work in unearthing even more items from the never-ending pits of that bag.

this time, it's a whole ass tent. a small one, but a tent nonetheless. he assembles it with ease, as if he'd done (or practiced) it a handful of times, and shoos you out of the way so he can move the whole configuration into the makeshift cover. you feel a tad bit useless, just standing under the awning of the landing, but it isn't as if you hadn't tried to help. it's just that every time you even dare to trespass into his little workspace, taeyong's frown deepens and he puts all work aside to guide you back under the awning, telling you to stay put and content.

the tent ends up providing even more comfort than the previous array, the sheeted material deflecting the light rain and privately enclosing the space within. your very well-thought-out movie date with taeyong begins but he's wallowing in apologies that "you're not able to see the view, though," and, "this basically negates the reason i brought you up here." you're not sure if you'd rather pay attention to your boyfriend's complaints at the situation and his maxed-out, but apparently still-lacking, efforts to make the best out of it, or the movie itself. you opt for the former, gently tucking his chin in between your index and middle fingers and using a soft kiss to lift the frown from his lips.

"pay attention to the movie, babe, now you're negating the whole purpose of the date!" he's exasperated, you can tell, but also you know that paying attention to him as opposed to the movie, and praising him for his good work as opposed to the movie, and making sure he knows you appreciate the heartfelt sentiments as opposed to the movie, would cure his little tantrum a lot more effectively than anything else. so you shift until you're facing him, holding his face in your hands and making sure your sight is locked tight with his own. he breaks eye contact a total of four times, to try and deliver the hint that the movie is supposedly of more importance, but you stay persistent.

"how'd your day go?"

"but the movie's still playin-" he's confounded.

"did you guys learn the new choreo?"

"hey, the movie- !" he feels as if you're antagonizing him.

"oh, for fuck's sake taeyong, i care more about you than the movie!" he goes quiet at this.

it's right then and there that, after knowing you for a total of four years but only being able to call himself your boyfriend for the past month, he decides that he loves you. the long pause that ensues is drawn to a close when taeyong wraps you warmly in his embrace, the crown of his head molding in perfect unison with the crook of your neck, the dip of your clavicle. he mumbles, "i knew that," before withdrawing and taking your hand in his, yet again. he seems to enjoy the feeling of your knuckles rippling underneath the pads of his fingertips because he runs over them repeatedly, reassuringly, gladdeningly, lovingly.

"and i will still care about you even if we have a very muddled first date. even if you had let it rain on us, i would still care, really."

he's mumbling, still, but you catch the small, "i love you," that falls from his lips like honey to your ears. you say it back like it's the easiest thing in the world, as if those three words have been at the tip of your tongue the entire time. you say it because it's what you feel most in a day's worth of emotions and that your love for taeyong is anything but shallow. it's a sea, a vast sea that runs on and on, miles wide and miles deep. and then there's taeyong. taeyong, who finds joy in the fact that he can swell your cheeks in the form of happy smiles and sincere affection. he finds pride in the fact that he can set your heart alight with simple but earnest actions. and he finds love in the fact that you love him back.

✧ end note — this is a prewritten and scheduled post. i will be taking a brief rest for the duration of today (102720) and will continue writing/posting tomorrow (102820). thank you for reading.

#nct #nct taeyong #nct-writers #taeyong fluff #taeyong fics #taeyong x reader #taeyong x you #taeyong x y/n #lee taeyong #struggling to write anything over 2k #rouiyan fics #rouiyan writes

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spidernerdsblog · 4 years

Text

I forgot that you existed : Chapter one

A/N: okay chapter one is here going a little slow with the storyline wanted to add a little bit of details to the lives of the characters. I can guarantee in next chapter our hero will be in full form and not just in flashbacks. Hope you like it. Feedbacks and suggestions are always welcome.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader

Summary: It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realise you are still not done with each other.

Warnings: none, flashbacks.

Mini playlist: love story, ME! By Taylor Swift

We were both young when I first saw you

I close my eyes, and the flashback starts

I'm standing there

On a balcony in summer air

Sounds of giggles and laughter " No! she is my best friend" Harrison exclaimed pulling you by grabbing your left hand towards him "No she is my best friend!" Tom said, pulling your right hand. You couldn't stop giggling as you were stuck between a tug of war between your two best friends who stated that you can only be best friend to any one of them not both. You were only 5 years old then Tom & Harrison both 3 years older than you but you loved hanging out with them.

Your parents shifted from LA to London for their work and coincidentally your house was in the same neighborhood as were of the boys. You all became friends through your mothers when they used to take you to the park when you were toddlers. You were the only girl of the whole boys gang consisting of Tom, Harrison, Harry and Sam and they were very protective about you. You used to boss them around.

As Haz and Tom were quarrelling over whose best friend you were in the backyard of the Holland's house. Tom out of nowhere declared "if it's that so Y/N is my girlfriend" and gave a gentle peck on your lips, you stood there in shock and soon you started blushing as you covered your face with your hands and ran inside to your mother who was chatting with Nikki.

You went up to your mom and asked innocently "Mom, Tom said that I'm his girlfriend and gave me a kissy like you give me every night before bed. Is he no more my best friend ?" Both the mothers started laughing as Nikki spoke “no peanut he will always be your best friend and if you love bugs stay like this forever maybe he can be your husband too."

You scrunched your face and said "eww!! I will not marry him"

“why is that so? " your mother asked laughing

"he always steals my chocolates" you said innocently “no I don't!! Tom said from behind as he entered the house with Haz, “yes you did yesterday only you took it from my bag at school” both of you now started arguing. Nikki and your mom burst into laughter after hearing it. That was the beginning of your love story.

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story baby just say "Yes"

.........................................................

You loved to listen to songs as it helps to release your stress and this song of yours was very dear to you as it reminded you of some sweet memories. You were scrolling through the photographs that you had taken back when you were living in London together with the boys as you thought about that whole incident, your actual first kiss, you smiled and shook your head at the realization that you both had disappointed your mothers.

You finally dialled Harrison's number he picked up instantly

"Hey Y/N!"

"Hello.. this is 911 what is your emergency?" You chuckled

"You will never change will ya?"

"That was the plan actually to never change"

"Talking to you after a long time man missed your voice so much"

"Me too Haz.. So how's everything going there?"

"Yeah everything is fine here just wrapped up my new film."

"Great!! How are the boys, Nikki and Dom?"

"They are all fine. Harry is busy with his new film's plot, Sam as usual experimenting with new dishes."

"An.. and how's he?" You hesitatedly asked

"He's good too wrapped up Avengers 5 will be returning home tomorrow.

By the way congratulations for the success of your new album to be honest it's a badass album the lyrics are dope."

You giggled.. "Thanks Haz"

"So now are you free or still have any upcoming projects?"

"I can never be free Haz I m always working, always thinking of lyrics for my next song. Leave all that, what was the emergency that you said to call so urgently?"

"Ummm.. Y/N I want something from you."

"Anything for you Haz"

"You have to promise me first Y/N that whatever I say you have to say yes"

"When have I ever said you no anyways just tell me"

"No! Y/N first promise me"

"Uggh Okay Haz I promise now spit it out. Sometimes you really act childish." you rolled your eyes.

"I want you to come back home I mean back here at London I have planned a 10 days trip to Cornwall at my beach house which we all used to go every summer when we were kids it's a sort of reunion for the whole gang I have invited Z and Jacob too"

"Haz you know I only go on Christmas every year to spend time with you guys because that is when I m free. And I'm pretty busy this month. I have a recording to be done next week for my upcoming single."

"Y/N you promised you will not refuse me. I just want a little time from your busy life.”

"But Haz…"

"And also I'm gonna celebrate my 30th birthday there, your man is getting old love."

"Umm... I don't know what to say Haz I'm confused"

"If you're thinking about him I can assure you there will be no problem besides he is not single anymore so why worry?"

That is the problem Haz you said in your mind.

"Umm okay I'll give it a thought and let you know after confirming the availability of dates." You ended the call and fell back on your bed, your hands and legs spreading across the bed like a starfish. You face palmed and groaned.

You went into a deep thought, your brain still processing the whole conversation you had with Harrison. After a few minutes you heard your phone buzzing and you smiled as you looked to see who was calling. It was Zendaya, face timing you. You had seriously wished to talk to someone right now. You have very few close friends in the industry and Zendaya was one of them. You collaborated with her for your bad blood music video and you guys clicked instantly from that day you became really close. She was your 3am BFF and you both knew each other's darkest secrets. You picked up the call.

"So Haz called you up didn't he?"

"Bingo!! So what are you thinking?" Zendaya laughed

"I don't know Z. I just feel scared. I know I have met him a couple of times during my Christmas visits after everything happened but that was just a one day thing and this whole 10 day trip is freaking me out. I also don't want to disappoint Haz. I missed all of his birthdays for the past few years on purpose just to avoid Tom."

" You are just over thinking babe everything will be fine and I will be there to cheer up your emotional ass. Besides as much as I know Tom is very chilled out he will not bother you."

" I don't think so. He has a very cold attitude towards me even now whenever I go back home. "

After you moved to NY you almost begged your parents to move here and stay with you but they were adamant of staying in London so once in a year you used to visit your family and friends during Christmas. The Christmas Dinner was always hosted by the Holland's after your break up you always panicked to go to their house. The first year when you went. The boys, Nikki, Dom welcomed you as if nothing had happened; they hugged you with joy. But when you went to give Tom a hug he just backed off and out of formality gave you a shoulder hug and you got your hint to stay away. He even brought his new girlfriend for the dinner which you thought he did on purpose to make you jealous or hurt you. And you were actually hurt at the thought that he really moved on so quickly. So you avoided family gatherings to prevent such awkward situations.

"Babe your life doesn’t revolve around Tom he was a part of your life which is over. Start living your life. And we are in our early 30’s and still single don’t wanna die like that do you ??. Even if you want you can have your sweet little revenge by showing off that hot body on the beach and show that asshole what he missed." Z smirked.

You quirked your eyebrows “So you're telling me to be a bitchy ex who doesn’t want to see her ex boyfriend happy”

" Nooo!!! I didn’t mean that just show him how happy you are, that you are one of a kind, he will never find anyone like you in his life. We are gonna have a blast honey and you are coming so start packing."

You had to finally give in with a deep sigh you said .."okay Z I ll go but if I jump off the cliff after all the mental stress I'm going to get in those 10 days you and Haz will be responsible for it." you laughed.

"Oh we won't want that. Besides you have handled more stressful moments than this you will be fine dramaqueen." Zendaya said.

You talked to Alex about the whole trip to sort out the dates. He was a little sceptical at first about the whole reunion with ex trip , but he believed in you and gave you a nod for the trip. You informed the good news to Haz of your approval to the whole trip. Before you could leave for your unplanned vacation you had to finish recording and shooting for your new upcoming single featuring Breidon Urie.

"I promise that you'll never find another like me

I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh

I know I never think before I jump

And you're the kind of guy the ladies want

(And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

I know that I went psycho on the phone

I never leave well enough alone

And trouble's gonna follow where I go

(And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

But one of these things is not like the others

Like a rainbow with all of the colors

Baby doll, when it comes to a lover

I promise that you'll never find another like

Me-e-e, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

I'm the only one of me

Baby, that's the fun of me

Eeh-eeh-eeh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You're the only one of you

Baby, that's the fun of you

And I promise that nobody's gonna love you like me-e-e"..............

The song was soon officially released by the music company and the audience loved it and your work was done for the moment and now you could focus on the trip. All of a sudden you were really feeling excited about the whole thing. You and Z were constantly texting each other to plan about the journey.

The day arrived and you met Z at the airport. "So ready for the battle?" she chuckled. You rolled your eyes and laughed "going on a battle would have been much easier compared to this I guess" but in your mind you were confident. Yes you had finally decided that you're ready to face Tom Holland to show him that you have also moved on. And to show him that he'll never find another like you.

The nine hour flight was uneventful as both you and Z slept most of the time which proved that you both were in dire need of a vacation away from your hectic glamorous lives.

It was around 5 ‘o’ clock in the morning in London when your plane landed. Both of you collected your check in luggages. Check out was hassle free as it was early morning with few people around and nobody recognised you as both of you were in your hoodies. As you came out of the exit door you started to look amongst the crowd and finally you saw those familiar icy blue eyes approaching towards you.

“Ah!! Finally the star arrived” Harrison hugged you tight

“And all credit goes to you Z because our star has stopped listening to her best friend may be got someone else to replace me” he hugged zendaya and started laughing

“getting rid of you has been one of the failures of my life" you pouted

"Ouch!" Harrison dramatically placed his hands on his chest as if hurt.

"No one can ever replace you from my life you idiot" you lightly punched his arm.

Harrison chuckled and said with a fake French accent "I m your chauffeur for the day, madame your car awaits at the parking lot."

After you three put all your luggages in the car. Z and you sat at the back seat and Harrison sat on the driver's seat as he started the car. It was an approximate four hour ride to his beach house.

" You know Haz I really missed the summer in London so glad I said yes to your plan."

"The only thing I liked about London when I came for Spiderman:FFH shoot is the Harry Potter museum" Zendaya declared

You noticed Harrison looked a little off today so you asked "you look a little bit stressed out Haz what's the matter bud?"

"How do you read my mind so easily?" Harrison sighed.

"I'm your best friend dumbo now tell me what is the thing that is bothering you so much?" you said with concern in your voice.

"Okay I need to say you something, just don't be mad Tom will be bringing his fiancee too at the beach house. But don't worry everything will be fine I promise."

Your face went expression less as you looked at Harrison then to Zendaya. You were starting to panic from inside. You let out a sigh and rolled your eyes as you leaned on Zendaya's shoulder. She rubbed your shoulder to comfort you as you thought in your mind "what a great start to this cursed trip."

..................................................................................

Taglists:If you want to be added send in an ask i will be happy to add you.

@sophs-library

#tom holland #tom holland series #tom holland × reader #tom holland imagines #haz osterfield #zendaya #taylor swift #tom holland fluff

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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Gimme Love, 4/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! So I realised I forgot to explain the idea behind this story. This is part of a series I'm working on called 'Head in the Clouds' - stories that are inspired by the music of Joji. This story is loosely based off the music video for 'Gimme Love'. I couldn't make sense of the actual video cause it goes by so fast (if you watch it you'll see what I mean), but I kind of have an idea.

Thanks for listening to my TEDtalk.

Major Trigger warnings: Dementia, death, grief, homophobic slurs

-_-_-_-

2003

"Brianna, could you come here?"

I put my pen down on the kitchen table, not really minding that Grandpa was interrupting me. The studying was tiring, if anything.

Walking into his room, I found him getting up from his desk.

"Hey, Grandpa," I said.

"Brianna, do me a favour, baby. Could you read me this one chapter?" He asked, retreating to his bed.

Bit of an odd request for him. "Why? What's up?"

I picked it up, one of the many books that delved into the science and possibility of the existence of parallel universes.

"I'm just...finding it kind of hard to concentrate." He laughed to himself. He made a groaning sound as his back hit the bed.

I sat by him and read about 3 chapters before he said, "that'll do. Thanks, honey."

I got up and moved to the desk, briefly glancing at the front cover, at the main character with his telescope. Far off memories flashed in my brain. I put the book down, turning to face him.

"What are you smiling at, honey?" Grandpa asked, a smile appearing on his own face.

"I just...remember the night you told Jujubee and me about 'the other world'. We haven't stopped talking about it since." I admitted, putting the book back on his desk. "And we'd always play these games like we were there. Our lives would be so different. And just a little bit better."

"And then you found yourself wanting that in reality." Grandpa finished for me.

I was silent, but he knew he was right. "It's not that I didn't appreciate what I already had. It's just...whenever my anxiety was surfacing, or whenever someone was mean in school, or whenever I thought of my parents, I'd just...want to escape." I sat down in the chair next to his bed again, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly. "Didn't you ever feel the same?"

Grandpa breathed out a sigh through his nose, his smiling widening. "Brie, of course, I have. All the games you and Juju played, it's called escapism. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Wouldn't you ever try to find one?"

"Find what?"

"I don't know. A door? A gateway to the other world?"

He didn't even need to tell me 'yes.' He had spent many years reading the books, sometimes reading them more than once, making notes and coming up with his own theories. He probably felt the same way I did. In darker times, when things didn't feel like they'd get any better, he was curious about his other-self.

I knew the answer was yes. But I liked hearing him talk about these things.

"Baby, it's something I've always wanted to do. I always...wanted to know if it was possible...to slip into that other world, find this house, and just hope and pray my wife would still be on the other side of that door. I'd kiss her hand and bring her back here. And, life would be complete." He confessed. His smile was sweet but also sad, "But you know, with old age comes difficulties. My brain ain't what it used to be. Just all these words. Sometimes, they're...foreign to me."

This was the beginning of a long year. All the signs started out small, usually, Grandpa looking out the window wondering when his wife would come back from the store and losing the ability to read.

And over time, it slowly began to escalate, getting worse with each month. So bad to the point he'd take his seat belt off at a red light and try to get out. Or he'd shout at Mom, saying she's going the wrong way. Every piece of my Grandpa was slipping away.

And it was all taking a toll on my own happiness.

"You look pretty today." Jujubee commented as we walked through the hallway.

"If you say so." That was all I could reply with.

"No, really. Your hair looks really cute like that." She tried again.

I had no idea what she was talking about. I literally pinned two pieces from the front to the back of my head. It was a half-assed attempt of trying to convince everyone I gave a fuck anymore.

"Yeah, right, Juju. I look no better than I did yesterday. Or the day before. And the day before that.

Jujubee paused for a moment, whereas I continued on. "Are you OK?"

I turned to look at her. "Yeah." I lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I wasn't ready for this, Jujubee concerns. The truth was I never told her about my Grandpa because then she'd want to talk about it, then I'd cry, then I'd probably go home and have a breakdown, then I'd give Mom more shit to worry about.

Judging from her knit brows, she wasn't buying it. Before she could even ask anything else, I turned back around, just wanting to get on with things and get to my next class on time. But Trevor just had to be there. He knocked me hard on the shoulder, making me drop my books and almost fall to the ground.

He quickly spun around, watching me collect my books. "Man, who put that trash there?"

I glanced at him with a scorn.

"Hey, douchebag," Jujubee stepped in front of Trevor, "I can see you're a little butt-hurt now that your sex life is dryer than a nuns vagina."

My eyes were wide now, knowing that wouldn't sit well.

"What did you fucking say to me?" Trevor raised a brow.

"You heard." Jujubee said with such spite. "Why don't you go rub one out to your Mom or something? Stop projecting all your problems onto my girl?"

Trevor scoffed a laugh. "Your girl? What are you, a couple of dykes?"

My jaw was almost on the ground. I looked around, noting the students observing as they passed by. I couldn't let them know my secret. I couldn't.

"Why? Does that make us all the more interesting?" Jujubee squinted her eyes. "Honey, don't pretend the thought of us 'dykes’ making out doesn't make an insecure guy like you hard."

A sound emitted from my throat - A panicked sound. Like a yell, one that was dragging its way up my throat, fighting to get out. The attention of everyone around was on the situation, since when? I had only become aware now of the sounds of thrill and excitement. I was internally panicking. How many people were there? Were they even looking at me?

"Not in your wildest dreams, honey." Trevor practically spat the last word before deciding he was finished. He turned and walked away.

Jujubee approached me, rolling her eyes. "God, does he know when to quit?"

But I just stared at her, pretty sure I was trembling. My eyes were still wide, and my jaw stiff.

"Brie?" She blinked.

I could feel it, the lump in my throat beginning to form, like a hard stone that was lodged in place. Blinking a few times, I held the books tighter to my chest and turned to walk away.

"Brianna, what the fuck?" Jujubee came after me.

"Juju, just...leave me the fuck alone." My voice cracked as I quickened my pace.

She didn't follow me anymore. Thank fuck. Because next thing I knew, I was in a bathroom cubicle, quietly crying. I stupidly decided to not go to class. I say stupidly because, during the last period, Denali leaned over and told me she thought they suspended me. When I asked why she would even think that, she said the rumours spread fast, that I had punched Jujubee.

Oh, high school drama.

Of course, Jujubee didn't deserve this. She was only doing her friendly duty and looking out for me. But I didn't need any more shit from Trevor. I didn't want all those eyes on me as I walked the corridors. My home life was already too much.

I wanted to hold on to my Grandpa for as long as I could. But seeing his health dwindle, it felt like someone was coming to get him. And no matter how much I wanted to hold on, they were going to take him away no matter what.

Around 7 months in, his immune system was beginning to fail. He was bedridden.

I'd sit with him for at least an hour every day, either reading to him, feeding him, or just having a long talk. I had a tendency to write down at least one sentence from each conversation like it would provide me with some comfort, like he was still there. When in reality he was...he was...

"Why the sad face, baby?"

I snapped out of my trance, blinking a few times as I looked at him. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"What happened? Did someone break your heart?" He asked, following it up with a laugh.

I let myself smile. "No, thank God. I'm just sleepy. I had a long day at school."

"That's a shame. I was gonna suggest we break out the old telescope. I bet we'd find Cassiopeia if we tried hard enough."

My mouth formed a hard line, unsure of how to respond. As much as I wanted so badly to sit out in the garden with him, he wouldn't even be able to make it there.

"You sure you're OK, Brianna?" Grandpa asked.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I looked away, studying my nails instead.

"Well, if it's not a heartache, I bet someones caught your eye?" He asked with a smirk.

I couldn't help but allow the corners of my lips to curve up. "Yeah, actually."

"Oooh." He cooed. "And what are they like?"

I thought for a second, debating how I should answer. To be honest or not. If I lied, would it even make a difference?

Looking at his innocent face, I decided fuck it.

"Sweet. Beautiful. The bluest eyes I've ever seen." I paused. "She's an absolute angel."

Grandpa was silent momentarily. But just as the nerves were beginning to surface, he replied, "and does she know how you feel?"

"No."

"Well, why don't you let her know?"

I took a deep breath in. "Because...I don't know if she likes me back. I don't know if she even likes girls."

"All you can do is try."

"It's not that simple," I spoke quietly. "She's...popular. She's beautiful. She's...everything that I'm not."

My eyes drifted to my hands once again. If I cried, would it even matter? Wouldn't he forget?

"Don't say that about yourself, honey." He reached a hand out and put it on mine. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

I lifted my gaze again, looking at him with glossy eyes. My silence spoke volumes.

"Oh, no, Brianna." He said with such disappointment. "I can't believe you feel that way. Ain't you ever stopped to look at yourself?"

"No," I whispered. "I can't stand it."

"You need to. Because you are prettier than you know." His own eyes were glistening now. "You may not believe me, but someday you're gonna meet someone who will show you."

I dabbed the inner corner of my eye, "You really think that?"

"I know."

"That means a lot." I smiled.

He gave one final pat to my hand and pulled it away. "Do me a favour, honey. Could you get me some juice?"

"Sure."

I stood up and left for the kitchen.

On my way, I passed through the hall, catching a glance at my reflection. Naturally, I would have disregarded it. But I stopped and stood in front of it. And I just looked.

I wasn't immediately satisfied. But upon taking my glasses off, my opinion changed. I learned pretty quickly my eyes were the best from my facial features.

I smiled. Best not. My frown was oddly alluring. I tried smiling again, this time with teeth. But the braces just ruined the mood.

Putting my glasses on again, I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt tiny paws tap my feet. Of course, it was just Piggie. I scooped him up and looked at both of us together.

"God has favourites, Piggie. Take a wild guess out of us two who it is." I looked at his face in the mirror.

He cocked his head, looking at his own reflection like he couldn't figure out what was going on.

I carried on to the kitchen with Piggie still in my arms, poured the juice and made my way back to Grandpa's room.

I pushed open the door with my foot.

Grandpa's head quickly shot up as I walked in.

"Sorry it took so long. I - -"

"Who are you??"

I froze on the spot. "It's me."

"Roberta! Roberta, there's somebody in the fucking house!!"

My brain went into panic mode. I set the juice to the side, put Piggie out into the hall and approached the bed.

He was continuously shouting, thrashing around in the bed as if to escape. I tried grabbing his hands, reassuring him it was me, his Grandchild. We had literally just been talking.

But he only roared over the sound of my voice, trying to fight my hands off him.

"Pop! It's OK!" Mom rushed into the room. "It's just Brianna!"

I took a step back, letting her take control. He stared at me with an intense level of fear. What did he think I was going to do? Who did he think I was?

"Brie, go to your room or something. I'll calm him down." Mom commanded with a crack in her voice.

With a wavered breath, I left. The sounds of his shouts, I couldn't bear it. I had to get away, even for a little bit. I needed out.

I hurried out the front door, stuffing my arms inside my jacket sleeves, and marched down the path. I didn't even look back at the colourful house. I just wandered. Wherever my feet were going to take me, I'd be fine.

In a sense, I felt cruel, like I was selfish. Despite wanting to be around my Grandpa for as long as possible, I couldn't stand moments like these. But you'd think dealing with this for so long would have toughened me up a bit.

Not even in the slightest.

There I was, marching down the street, trying hard not to have an episode. I tried to maintain my breathing, but the fast pace in my step didn't help. My hands were clammy, not that having them in my pockets helped.

Again, I had no idea where I was going. My eyes remained fixated on the ground. Therefore I was oblivious to the person hastily approaching.

"Brianna, Jesus!"

Jujubee now stood in front of me with her hand on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

"I said your name like 5 times, girl." Jujubee dropped her hand. Her eyes looked me up and down, "What happened? You're shaking."

I was?

"I…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my hair, "I need a cigarette or something."

Jujubee dragged me to the bus shelter, sat me down on the ground like we were still children, parking our behinds wherever the fuck we wanted.

Despite the feeling of anxiety burning my insides, I did spark up a cigarette, anything to shift my thoughts from the current state of my family. Just something normal.

"Girl, are you sure that's a good idea right now?" Jujubee was itching to snatch it from my hand and toss it.

Instead, I said, "Jujubee?"

"Yeah?"

Eyes still glued to the ground, I blinked, "This is it. He's dying."

Jujubee didn't even need to ask. She knew about his dementia for months now. I had no choice but to tell her. The stress from it all got too much, and I was becoming more and more irritable. It was unfair to put her through that. I had to tell her everything.

Jujubee shuffled closer, "What happened?"

I couldn't bring myself to even tell her. Words couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. That feeling of just grabbing him by the hand, and running away as far as possible, so this sickness would just leave us alone.

I blew out a long cloud of smoke, closing my eyes as I let my chest deflate.

There was something about this moment in time. 9PM, at the bus shelter, sitting on the cold ground, smoking a cigarette, Jujubee by my side, her hand now in mine. It didn't feel real. None of it did.

Yet this wasn't foreign to me - This bus stop was the same one from my childhood, that day when baby Blair and I hid from the rain. Funny how the younger version of myself thought I was protecting her from her abusive father.

As bad of a time it was, the thought was comforting in the current moment, sitting there with Blair. The only problem I faced those days was my emotional outbursts and the emotional toll they took on my Mom. Oh, how naive I was, completely unaware of how life could get any harder.

Only 3 weeks later, Grandpa was hospitalised, his immune system reaching its lowest point. I visited him every day after school. There were more moments of forgotten memory, but it made it less frightening with Mom by my side.

One day in particular, however, he seemed in better spirits. It was as if the old him was back, just for a few hours.

"I'm going to the soda machine. You want anything, baby?" Mom stood up from her chair, pulling her purse from her bag.

"I'm good." I gave her a gracious smile.

She nodded, taking another look at my Grandpa before she even moved to the door. I could see the reluctance behind her eyes. She did this every time she left the room, no matter where she was going.

My eyes followed her as she left. Grandpa spoke, "Now that she's gone, any update on that girl?" He asked. I looked back in surprise. How he had remembered that was mind-blowing. He continued, "we haven't had a one-to-one conversation in a long time, honey. Give me an update."

I breathed a sigh out, lifting my brows briefly. "Nothing has become of it, no."

"Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose."

I smiled sadly. Easier said than done, Grandpa.

He coughed. "Lord, I'd love a cigarette right about now. Do me a favour, though; please stop smoking."

I wasn't completely shocked. He had noticed on a few occasions that he was down a cigarette. "I will." I wasn't lying. But I wasn't making any promises either.

"Brianna?" Grandpa looked at me now.

"Yeah?" I put my feet up on his bed, leaning back in my chair.

"Promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

His eyes remained on me, and he smiled briefly. "Promise me that you'll find a way to the other world. Could you do that for me?"

I had to admit, It was a huge thing to ask of someone like me. It was terrible to say, but I couldn't help but feel this was sort of selfish. Yes, he was on the brink of death, but how could he expect me to be such a miracle worker.

Instead of protesting, however, I just said, "Sure."

Two days later, he passed away.

I didn't cry at all, vowing that I would remain strong for Mom. I had already had my turn at grieving my own parents. And she was by my side for all of that.

Now it was my turn to be there for her. Throughout the whole funeral, I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders, like she had done for me throughout the years. It was a strange feeling - being the one to take care of her for a change. Her head on my chest, hand squeezing mine, it was just so hard to accept.

I almost thought she was going to crumble when they lowered his casket into the ground.

As I said before, there are two types of people in this world; those who hate the sight of their Mother crying and fucking liars.

Because, even though she was my Mother, she was his little girl. And losing a parent is losing a huge part of your life.

Everyone was invited back to the house after the funeral in the hopes the togetherness would lighten the mood.

Of course, it didn't fix everything, but it did allow us some time to breathe.

"You OK, Brianna?" Aunt Monét asked as I handed her some tea.

"I'm fine." Obviously, that was a lie.

I really did think I was doing everyone a favour by putting up the strong front. Little did I know the toll this would take on my own emotional well being. That whenever Grandpa came up in conversation, I'd run. If only I had realised that sooner.

I was afraid of questions like Monét had asked. So school would be a nightmare. Thankfully I was granted 2 weeks off.

The first week I lay in bed, watching box sets of The X Files. Pretty sure I almost gave myself a bladder infection from just laying there too long.

The second week, I finally decided to stop lying around and be useful. Mom recommended I break out the telescope one night. So I invited Jujubee over. I warned her beforehand that she was not to ask me any concerning questions or treat me any different. Of course, she was different with me. But she didn't ask any questions. We just carried on, looking up at the stars through the telescope.

The same week, I also found myself sitting in his room, feeling his presence very much there with me. So I took to reading his books out loud in the hopes I could keep his spirit entertained.

However, I only became interested in the books myself. I read one book. Then another. And another. And another. Fiction and non-fiction. All based on parallel universes. I couldn't get enough of it.

And reading turned into studying - taking notes, hypothesising, questioning.

And then I got Jujubee interested. Just 4 weeks after beginning, it was more than just a hobby. It was a prospect.

-_-_-_-

2020

"Miss. Caldwell. Miss Caldwell, ma'am."

I snapped back to reality, embarrassed that I had even blacked out at all. You'd think I'd know there were more important things at stake, now that I was in the presence of the Secretary of Defence, at a meeting in the middle of an almost empty hangar. Everyone around me, my team included, were important people. I needed them to believe I was on the same level as they were.

"Yes, the atmosphere of the other world," I said, hoping he would think I was listening.

"We're beyond that point now, actually." The General pointed out, standing with his hands behind his back. I couldn't lie. I felt intimidated by him, what with the uniform and all.

I glanced at his black badge, which matched mine. Did that mean I was a general like him now? Were we even on the same level? 'Cause when I woke up that morning, I tripped over my own feet and almost hit my head off the ground. I couldn't be on this guy's level.

"I asked if this place would be big enough for the construction of the rocket." He asked.

I looked around at the wide space. Yeah, it was huge, but when it came to constructing a rocket, that was all beyond me. Sure, it would probably take a good 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. But was it high enough? I had no idea what I could even say to this guy. "Yeah, it's good."

I hoped it would be good.

"Then it's yours." He gave a quick smile. It didn't make me feel any less intimidated. He began pointing out different sections of the place, a small lab in one corner, offices in another, along the left wall was a cafeteria, and 4 sets of surprisingly clean bathrooms.

All this space, it was mine. And only an hour after the meeting with the General, we were already shipping equipment over.

"This is wild. You could fit two concert halls in here." Jujubee slipped an arm around my shoulders, the pair of us watching as a truck pulled into the hangar, carrying more gear.

I blew a sigh of relief out through my mouth. "I just can't believe this is happening. Like, why me, of all people? When do good things ever happen like this? Like, didn't I always say 'why do bad things happen to good people?'"

Jujubee laughed, "girl, good things DO happen to you. You have a luxury apartment in New York, you're filthy rich, you're a celebrity." She playfully punched me in the arm.

"Well, you're not wrong." I shrugged.

"You deserve every bit of this." She turned to get a better look at me. "You fought for so long to get people on board with this project. You continued on when people doubted you when they laughed. I think you deserve good things to happen to you."

I smiled bashfully, looking to the ground for a brief moment, "Aw, Juju," looking back to her, she lifted a hand and held my cheek. Naturally, I would have shied away, but not now. At this moment, I absolutely adored this bitch. "I couldn't have done this without you."

"I know. You've told me." She pinched my cheek before looking away.

Her hand fell by her side, so I took it in mine. "No, really. You think I would have continued without you here? You remember all those times I wanted to give up? All the times you called me out on my bullshit?"

"Hey, somebody had to do it." She shrugged in return yet swung my hand.

"That's very true." I looked at her for a moment longer. Only now did I notice the way her lashes fluttered when she blinked, how cute that was.

Her eyes moved around the large space again. "Think we could fit a Starbucks in here?"

I pulled my gaze away from her, also having another look around. "Girl, you could fit fucking 10 Starbucks in here." I raised a brow in her direction then. "Should I?"

She laughed as she continued to swing my hand like we were just children again. Honestly, that's what I felt like; A small child in her own Kingdom.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #high school au #angst #gimme love #grinder #tw dementia #tw death #tw grief #tw homophobic slurs

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sweetsandsin · 4 years

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What happens when the cards see a Joker in your future?

After losing the only man that made sense in a world of confusion, Forensic Psychologist, Ember's cards align to tell her one thing and one thing only.

Joker is coming and he'll make sure she is too.

"It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone"

- John Steinback.

♤♡The Oxymoron Of Gotham◇♧

In the crippled city of Gotham lay an oxymoron at every corner; Batman, the Dark Knight who lived in the shadows but brought criminals to light, Riddler, the man who claimed to be an enigma but who had already been worked out and last, but never least, was Penguin, the man who provided twentysomething Ember with perhaps the biggest paradox of her life- loss, the word that had stolen the one and only person she had left only to present her with a soul shattering emptiness to fill the holes her Uncle and his brass cane had left behind.

Found amongst the trash in a dirtied t-shirt for warmth, he'd lifted her from the seedy underbelly of her unwanted origins and given her a home. His shaky hand would brush through the tangles in her honey tresses to wipe away the remnants of grime that even years after her escape never seemed to fully leave, each morning would begin with a story of his adventures and the wars he'd always win, the night ended with a brush of his lips on the tip of her nose and the lullaby he'd sing out of tune to will her into sleep:

"Burning Ember,

Named after the flame,

Burning Ember,

That's my pretty girl's name".

It had already been a few months, yet still, she spent every night sat on baby pink bedding with his top hat to her chest and his rhyme in her head. Tears would fall and her heart would break a little more.

It took her a while, but in the end, it was all okay, because she welcomed the pain, he deserved someone to mourn for him, he deserved the ache she felt, afterall how lucky was she to have something that made saying goodbye so hard?

Well, she was very lucky indeed.

A blaring car horn pulled her away from her thoughts, stopping in a hurry to follow the sound, her right ankle rolled to the side causing a jolt of pain to spiral its way up to her knee in a gentle throb. Keeling forward, Ember squeezed her slim fingers around her foot, bent it inwards and pushed it back into her knee-length boot.

Turning her head, her nails traced the brown bags so prudent beneath her lashes in the reflection of the smashed glass window, inhaling sharply at the sight, her soft pink lips released a breath of fog that quickly succumbed to the sombre tone that had long ago wrapped itself around her hometown, she only wished she too could evaporate into the air like the carbon dioxide that filled her lungs. Continuing her walk, a breathy laugh warmed her chest when she limped in a manner that could only be called ironical- Uncle Penguin was still with her even if only in hobble rather than spirit.

Tapping the butt of her cigarette, white-haired Aurora looked over her green-tinted glasses at the bell on the door "That you, Flamey?"

"It's me" she shouted back. Sliding past the many googly-eyed ornaments and baby doll figurines, she waved a hand around the curve of the wall.

"Did you get me what I asked for?" Her fingers clenched and unclenched in impatience till the square box touched her palm.

"I really wish you'd buy condoms yourself" she whisper hissed, mahogany brown eyes lightening as she looked around uncomfortably and rocked on the balls of her feet. It was one thing to know that someone old enough to be her gran had frequent sex, it was another thing to be the person indirectly supporting her aim to bed each and every male in Gotham that took her fancy.

"And I really wish those punks in the pharmacy wouldn't call me a hot mama and spank my ass" taking a puff, she blew out loudly, "I hate having to break their wrists, makes my arthritis play up, but what ya gonna do?" Shuffling the card deck in her other hand, she intricately flicked them so they twirled between her disjointed fingers.

"Aw, no" her shoulders slumped, "Not again, I told you I don't believe in any of this" everytime was the same, she'd drop something off only to get pulled into unproven spirituality that was far off reality even for a place like Gotham.

"And I told you, I don't give a shit" standing, she pushed the opposing woman down by her shoulder."Now shut up and pay attention, you never know when it could come in handy".

Rolling her eyes, her bottom lip jutted out "Yeah" she scoffed, "When pigs fly".

"What was that?" Aurora tugged her glasses off, an icy glare yanking the usual temperature down a few notches.

"Uh" she blushed, pulling a face. It seemed feigning innocence was her only real option here, "I said, I can't wait" biting her tongue to hide her laugh, she looked to the side.

"Better have been what you said" she warned under her breath, finger waggling at her. "You ain't too old for me to put you over my knee, yanno?" Not that she ever would, of course, the girl was the apple of her eye, but she didn't half wind her up some days.

Drumming her hands on the table, Ember looked on in awe at the speed the cards moved from one hand to another, the flick of the shuffle ending pierced her ears in warning that Aurora's favourite three-card set up would soon be upon them.

"King'a diamonds, ya know what that means?"

"No" she smiled kindly, "But I know you're going to tell me".

Ignoring her jibe, she rolled her sleeves up so the tattooed snake on her right arm led beside it. "Means you're going to meet a man who does a dangerous job, maybe a nice officer?" She hoped. "But uh" she scratched behind her ear, "Could also mean you meet a man who'll run circles round ya, someone worth being scared of". Swiping her hand as if wiping away her words, she chuckled a hoarse laugh "But isn't that just about every man here?"

She wasn't wrong there. Humming quietly, she gazed over at the cards, only then noticing the pale hue to her powdered skin. Frowning, she placed a hand over hers "Is, is everything alright?"

"It's the nine'a spades" downing her tumbler of whiskey, she shook her head, "But that can't be correct, can it?" She looked up sorrowfully.

Even though Ember wasn't exactly one to indulge in the fantasy, she'd never seen Aurora look so shaken and that particular in a blue moon occurrence made her tremble too. "What does it mean?" Her eyes widened in curiosity.

"It means death, next to this card it could be taken to just mean really bad news, but it's the worst card you can get" her fingers itched for a smoke, her throat was dry and she knew if nicotine didn't reach her lips in the next few seconds she'd get all shaky again. Lighting one up, she leant back and sighed, "That's the stuff".

"Well, what is the next card?"

"Ace'a clubs, uh means you shall have protection from a powerful man?" Her words were spoken slow, confused, almost careful. "That's uh great, I suppose, also means that the death card is the death of an enemy, so all is tickety boo". Poor girl had already been through so much, she didn't want to see her go through more.

"So what you're saying is" she paused, hands spread on the table, "That you're not going to spend the next few weeks losing sleep worrying about me?" It happened before, a bad card spread and all she ever got was a million and one phone calls and a grouchy woman to deal with every Saturday, she didn't think she'd survive going through it again.

"That's what I'm saying, sweet cheeks" kicking her legs up, she pulled a hand over her facial features. "Now, did I ever tell you about floppy Jim?"

"Do I want to know?"

"Course ya do, but I'm feeling nice soo I'll spare you the details, just remember, always have a cucumber spare in the fridge, when the age goes up, the dick don't" she cackled loudly, hand smacking her thigh.

Wretching, Ember hit her forehead "I think I'm going to vomit".

♤♡◇♧

Snow White was the fairest of them all and what a prize it was to have skin the colour of snow and lips as red as a rose. White was purity and anything darker was nothing but corrupted skin.

In laymen terms, Ember being brown had always been a sin when she didn't look it and it would forever be a crime if she did.

Work was hard to come by for a Forensic Psychologist who fit into the crowd until she opened her mouth and out came a hint of back home. With each tell-tale sign of her culture came the stereotypes ground from the ashes of her ancestors; awful looks of sympathy for being a South Asian woman who must've been oppressed by masculinity simply because she was born in a place where the sun spent the majority of its time. Afterall, everyone loved a good tan unless it was permanent. Her personal favourite had to be that there was just something 'exotic' about her begging to be released, the typical 'polite in the streets, freak in the sheets' assumption that glued to her form holding her up to socially-expected standards depicting quiet women as individuals with a crazy side that had yet to be seen.

Race wasn't an issue if you were running in it, race was an issue when you got lost in the crowd of the media's definition of majority.

For years she'd calmed herself with lies that placed her in a position of blame; she hadn't worked hard enough, she wasn't ready, she was too young, but what it all really came down to was that she wasn't white enough to be noticed, couldn't pass for ebony, couldn't pass for ivory either and that meant she would forever remain where she was, an immovable object with no chance of ever moving forward.

But then like young Charlie and his golden ticket, she got her chance, a way forward if she picked the dark path, a way out if she went within the depths of no return.

Into cell 666.

Would really appreciate your thoughts!

#heath ledger #joker x oc #the dark knight #joker fanfiction #joker fandom

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buffster · 7 years

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Choices (BTVS 3.19)

This is part of my ongoing Buffy Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the show. You can find the full list here. Gifs are not mine.

An episode of Choices. Which is more significant–where everyone’s going to college or damning a bunch of people to save Willow?

It’s only this time around that I’m beginning to appreciate the relationship between the Mayor and Faith. He’s looking for someone to control and she is looking to be controlled. She wouldn’t put it that way, of course, but she craves guidance and approval. He balances doses of approval and guiding her towards what he wants: manners, dressing differently, etc. Faith is actually quite moldable if she feels she can trust you. He reads her well and notices that she gets upset at “the B word”. I never noticed it before, but his speech to Angel at the end of the episode was motivated by making Faith feel better about Buffy and Angel’s relationship. He was trying to make her see there was no reason to be jealous.

The Mayor buys Faith a knife. Her mother wouldn’t even buy her toys growing up so someone spending money on her–especially on something she really likes–is a big deal.

Everyone is discussing their plans for next year. Willow has many top-notch choices to chose from while Oz has remained quiet on the matter. Xander is reading On the Road for some inspiration for his big road trip. On the Road is largely about a search for meaning which is never found.

Xander: We Bohemian, anti-establishment types are used to being persecuted.

Oz: Well, sure. You’re all so weird.

Ironic, because Oz fits the description far better than Xander. Cordelia walks up and makes a snide comment and Xander jumps to announce Willow got into Oxford. Bad move when Willow’s the reason she’s so pissed at you, Xander. Willow accuses him of making her “chip” worse. He does follow her into the store where she’s now working and call her a mean-spirited, superficial princess so…fair enough. Their insults seem meaner without the kissing to break it all up.

Cordelia: I’m sorry, Buffy. this conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future.

That was cold. It upsets Buffy enough to run to Wesley and Giles to try and configure a way around her destiny. She thinks if she captures Faith, stops the ascension, and agrees to come home during breaks she can make leaving Sunnydale work. It’s a vain hope and by episode’s end she’s accepted it.

The gang immediately turns to Willow now when magic needs to be done and Giles doesn’t say a word. She works on the protective spells the Mayor has going on his box and gives Xander and Oz instructions on how to destroy it (complete with stick figure Oz holding a guitar). Oz says there’s “nobody like my Will”. But then Faith kidnaps her.

Wesley: This box is the key to the Mayor’s Ascension. Thousands of lives depend on our getting rid of it. Now I want to help Willow as much as the rest of you but we will find another way.

Buffy: There is no other way.

Wesley: You’re the one who said take the fight to the Mayor and you were right. This is the town’s best hope of survival – it’s your chance to get out!

Buffy: You think I care about that? Are you made of human parts?

Giles: All right, let’s deal with this rationally –

Buffy: I can’t believe you’re taking his side!

It’s funny that Giles says they should discuss things rationally and they say he’s taking Wesley’s side. They know that’s the rational thing to do. Wesley is being the most pragmatic and taking the “one for the many” stance. It’s understandable but also understandable that condemning your friend to die would be really hard to do. It’s much easier when you don’t really know the face you’re sacrificing. This is who Buffy is…the hero, the one who can’t not save someone no matter the cost. We see in season five that Giles takes the Watcher’s Council/Wesley’s stance when it comes to condemning a few innocents to save the many. By season seven Buffy claims she could kill Dawn to save the world. I’m not sure if I think that change is a good thing or not, but Buffy definitely feels more responsible for the world/feels the weight of it all much more heavily by season seven. Let me know your stance on Buffy’s choice: selfish or heroic?

Oz breaks the pot that was going to be used to destroy the box, effectively ending the conversation. Willow uses magic to stake a vampire and has the opportunity to escape, but instead she goes looking through the Books of Ascension. Willow wants to be of value so badly she puts her own life at risk.

WILLOW: It didn’t have to be this way, but you made your choice. I know you’ve had a tough life. I know some people think you’ve had a lot of bad breaks, and that you've hardened your heart to protect yourself from the pain. Well, boo-hoo. Poor you. You had a lot more in your life than some people. You had friends like Buffy. Now you’ve got no one. And you were a slayer! One of the Chosen. Now you're nothing. Just a selfish, worthless, waste.

At this point I think her speech to Faith is fair. Someone needs to tell her her tough life isn’t an excuse to murder people. It’s also telling that Willow mentions her being a Slayer…Willow doesn’t understand how you could turn your back on that kind of specialness. Faith’s response is to punch her and say she does have someone.

They go to make the exchange at the High School.

MAYOR: Well, I wish you kids the best, I really do. But if you don’t mind a bit of fatherly advice, I, well gosh I don’t see much of a future for you two. I don’t sense a lasting relationship, and not just because I plan to kill the both of you. You have a bumpy road ahead.

BUFFY: I don’t think we need to talk about this.

MAYOR: You kids, you don’t like to think about the future, don’t like to plan but unless you want Faith to gut your friend like a seabass you’ll show a little respect for your elders.

ANGEL: You’re not my elder. I gotta lot of years on you.

MAYOR: And that’s just one of the things you’re gonna have to deal with. You’re immortal, she’s not. It's not easy. I married my Edna Mae in aught three and I was with her right until the end. Not a pretty scene. Wrinkled and senile and cursing me for my youth, it wasn’t our happiest time. And let’s forget the fact that any moment of true happiness will turn you evil. What kind of life can you offer her? I don’t see a lot of Sunday picnics in the offing. Skulking in the shadows, hiding from the sun – she’s a blossoming young girl! You want to keep her from the life she should have till it’s passed her by and by God I think that’s a little selfish. Is that what you came back from Hell for? Is that your greater purpose?

The speech upsets both Angel and Buffy. It’s interesting to me because at this point Buffy still has hope her life will end up being normal, which is why she lets Angel go. In later seasons she’d probably just roll her eyes and say she’s always in the shadows anyway.

They make the exchange and are back at square one aside from the pages Willow managed to steal. She decides to go to UC Sunnydale, saying she wants in on the fight against evil. But I think it’s more about her chance to be special and powerful. Indeed, she says, “Besides, I’ve got a shot at being a bad ass Wicca, and what better place to learn?”.

Character Notes:

Buffy Summers: She got into Northwestern. She has a cousin named Arlene living in Illinois. She likes mochas. She calls Angel “honey”.

Willow Rosenberg: She got into Oxford. She likes mochas.

Angel: Buffy calls him “honey”.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: He freaks out every time they don’t have a watches-in-sync-with-all-variables-accounted-for plan for every fight. But sometimes it’s helpful, like when he remembers the box will have spells guarding it.

The Mayor: He had an Irish-settler named Rusty. He says a dog’s friendship is stronger than reason or self-preservation and compares this to Buffy.

#choices #willow rosenberg #faith lehane #buffy summers #the mayor #wesley wyndam pryce #Rupert giles #angel #Daniel osbourne #xander harris #Cordelia chase #cordelia/xander #Buffy/angel #willow/oz #david fury

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