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#( holy fuck image SAVED )
shinobicyrus · 2 years
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He’s only officially owned Twitter for 17 days.
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brionnne · 2 years
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[Until the Trashiest Boy Toy Exorcist Ren-kun Crushes Me in His Embrace]
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jackgoodfellow · 2 years
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DEARLY SMEGGING BELOVED
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Rimster wedding day. 💖 These boys are so shaped.
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[ID: a digital illustration, in vibrant shades of blue in a cartoonish style showing the Red Dwarf characters Lister and Rimmer getting married, officiated by the Cat, while Kryten and Holly stand to the side as the wedding party and several guests look on.
Kryten is wearing a frilly hat and blouse in "mother of the bride" style. He is holding a handkerchief and crying dramatically.
Lister is wearing a tuxedo without the jacket, shirt partially untucked and bowtie undone. He is wearing his work boots. He is smiling fondly at Rimmer, arms crossed, confident.
Cat stands in the center in a black suit with a priest collar and thigh high white boots. He is wearing blue lipstick eyeliner, as well as silver heart-shaped dangly earrings and a natural hairstyle with gray hair on the temples and a braid in the back. He is posing with his eyes closed in a smug smile, as though he is modeling for a photoshoot.
Rimmer stands with his back very straight and his arms behind his back, wearing a white tuxedo with navy epaulets. He is blushing and smiling nervously at Lister.
To his right, the head of Holly in her female form is present on a screen, which is attached to a stand with wheels. Holly is wearing pearl earrings and her hair is in a neat updo with bangs. To the corner of her screen, there is a basket of rose petals.
The wedding party is standing in front of a large window with criss-crossing lattice, looking out onto the blue and purple starscape of space through the glass.
Small text in the upper left-hand corner reads "Jack D. Goodfellow, 2022"
In the foreground of the image, some wedding guests are visible in the audience, seen from behind as though the viewer were seated behind them. the guests appear to include Hogey the Rogue-y, two of the skutters leaning on each other romantically, Kochanski, and Snacky the snack robot.
The rest of the images are all various crops of the first image for the purpose of making the detail work easier to see.
End ID.]
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cluescorner · 3 months
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Started crying over the Batman Beyond Animated Movie concept art. I am so normal.
#do they want my left or right kidney? they can have that one and my appendix as I don't need those to survive#I'm saving my uterus for Silksong if it needs more funding. I'm not gonna use it so might as well.#/j#about selling my organs not about crying over Batman Beyond Animated Movie#I think a Batman Beyond Animated Movie could fix me. Or make me even more autistic about it. probably both.#Batman Beyond is what got me into Batman. it was the only Batman related thing my library had and I thought it looked cool#so I would just watch Batman Beyond for like 5 hours minimum every day during my surgery recovery#so if you're wondering why I am like this...that's why. Batman Beyond did it. it's still my comfort media and i always go back to it#THAT ONE IMAGE OF INQUE CHASING TERRY?? OH MY GOD IT'S SO GORGEOUS#oh my god I am so ordinary and neurotypical#THE FUCKING PRODUCTION DESIGN GUY ON SPIDERVERSE POSTED THEM??#sav eme Batman Beyond Animated Movie#it will fix me I promise#if it is made I will forgive Bruce Timm for his weird thing for Batman x Batgirl.#SPIDERVERSE OF BATMAN MOVIES?? OH MY GOD#Derek Powers on my movie screen#THE SHIT THEY COULD DO WITH SHRIEK??? HOLY FUCK#I hope to god they still have the cold open on old-man Batman (world-weary and brittle-boned) almost shooting somebody in a panic#because THAT is the only compelling reason I have ever seen for Bruce leaving behind the mantle#I love content where its like 'oh when he gets older he becomes the Alfred to a new Batman' or 'he'll retire because Gotham will be better'#but I'll be honest. I do not think Bruce is capable of retirement. I do not think he would ever hang up the mantle willingly#unless he almost became the very kind of person who got his parents killed: a gun-wielding coward. the pain in his eyes.#I could see that. Bruce realizing that he is incapable of being Batman. That he will do more harm for Gotham than good.#if they don't want it to be the opener that's fine. but I want that damn scene.#ajdfl;dksajfl;kjdsfl;kadjskl;fjds Terry my friend Terry on my movie screen#I am going to explode
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eagledrawsandvibes · 2 years
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I’ve realized something: when Riddler’s a guy, I feel like “lmao he’s just like me fr” or “I wanna slam this guy into a wall after I drenched him in milk” towards him.
But when Riddler’s a gal,
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HONEY PLEASE LET ME BE YOUR MALEWIFE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU OWN MY SOUL I AM IN LOVE-
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rumue · 2 years
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just a general psa into the void:
if someone posts art with no caption or tags of any kind that say it belongs to them, and their bio doesn’t say anything about them making art, there’s a chance they are reposting art that does not belong to them. please look into their blog and see if that is their work.
if they’ve reposted multiple artworks that have very different styles and even different watermarks, they are definitely a reposter.
please do NOT reblog or like posts from people who repost art without permission from the original artist AND crediting them (if they allow you to repost). 
if you repost art without getting the okay from the artist first, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHY YOU DID IT. all of those reasons (and i do mean ALL) are not a good excuse. if you reposted with credit but they told you reposting is NOT okay, you’re just as bad (if not worse). it may have been posted online for everyone to see but IT DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. please support and respect the wishes of artists.
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stinkykittypet · 2 years
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Part 8, Mikey :) <3333
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angeltism · 3 months
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rpg.maker what the fuck
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oh-look-car-horns · 2 months
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Wondering what boop count your 3 letter word corresponds to? I gotchu:
Using a python script I wrote, I booped myself 50,000 times, saving an image of my boop-o-meter every 500 boops. Before we get into the results, there are two important limitations to this study that I should mention:
Firstly, because I only recorded the boop-o-meter every 500 boops, if a message appeared for less than 500 boops it may not have been caught.
Secondly, every now and then my computer would lose a boop or two when a click wouldn't register. This is seen in the 500 and 1000 boop images below, which in reality read 498 and 994 respectively. Because of this, boop values are slightly lower than they appear.
With that out of the way, lets dig in.
0-999:
From boops 0-999, the boop-o-meter displays your boop count, and changes color as you boop
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Boop count: 0 Boop count: 500 Boop count: 1000
Boop fact: the colors do not change after 1000
LOL:
Between boops 1000 and 1500, the boop-o-meter changed to display 'LOL'. This likely took place at 1000 boops, but maybe it said 'MAX' or sumn for awhile at first? Idk this is already the misinformation website so not my problem.
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Boop count: 1500 (actually more like 1490 ish)
More results below the cut
OMG:
Between 1500 and 2000, the boop-o-meter changed to display 'OMG'. Again, this probably happened at 1500 but who knows. Maybe staff made it 1523 for the bit or something.
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Boop count: ~2000
WOW:
The boop-o-meter remained at omg until the 3500 boop readpoint, when it switched to 'WOW', meaning this transition happens somewhere between ~2980 and ~3480.
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Boop count: ~3500
Boop fact: 'WOW' is the second longest reigning message
*-*:
Between 5000 and 5500 the boop-o-meter switched to '*-*'. You get the idea at this point so I'll speed it up.
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Boop count: ~5500
WHY:
The boop-o-meter changed to 'WHY' between 6000 and 6500 boops. For science. That's why.
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Boop count: ~6500
PLZ:
Next was 'PLZ', switching between 7000 and 7500.
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Boop count: ~7500
AAA:
I'm not sure what bloody urine has to do with anything, but for some reason staff felt is was important to display, switching between 7500 and 8000.
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Boop count: ~8000
;_;:
Huh the colon makes that one look weird. 8000-8500.
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Boop count: ~8500
Boop fact: That fucking cat haunts me in my dreams
0_0:
I realized after I set my pyautogui script running that my computer wouldn't turn off its screen because of the clicking, so there was a strobing blue light in my room all night. This encapsulated my expression while trying to sleep (8500-9000).
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Boop count: ~9000
MAX:
After 9000 it displayed 'MAX'. This was cap. (9000-9500 switch).
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Boop count: OVER 9000 (9500)
<33:
I miss my wife. 9500-10,000.
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Boop count ~10,000
TUM BLR:
THE HOLY GRAIL. The boop-o-meter switched to displaying 'TUM BLR' between 10,000 and 10,500 boops. Because my actual boop count was slightly behind my theoretical, I'd guess that this change happened at 10,000 boops.
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Boop count: ~10,500 (likely switched at 10,000)
Summary:
When charted the boop curve looks as follows:
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Boop curve: 0 - 10,000 boops
My script continued to run until 53,000 boops, but no further changes were observed. Again, there were quite possibly more messages at lower boop values, but my ass is not checking. Maybe I should have scaled my sampling accordingly, but it is what it is. Thank you for joining me on this journey, and if you have any corrections or more information, please add it to this post.
Boop fact: Terfs DNI
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oizysian · 8 months
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Monster Fucker | Wanda Maximoff
Pairing: Monster!Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader Warnings: dubcon, magic penises, demonic tongue action. Word Count: 1.3k Summary: After the Darkhold takes over Wanda, she goes after the one who would love her no matter what.
•Kinktober Masterlist•
She was a monster; a hideous, grotesque warped version of her former self. Despite the fact that she barely even responded to her name, she was still my Wanda.
I watched as she crept towards me, her eyes glowing a deep, dark red, almost completely hidden by the crown that became one with her; covering her eyes and sprouting out of the top of her head like demon horns.
“Wanda …” My voice was strangled, desperate. “You have to break free of the Darkhold. This isn’t you.”
She opened her mouth and bared her razor sharp teeth, her tongue languidly falling from her lips and hanging, dripping eagerly with saliva. She looked … hungry.
She continued to approach me, her breathing heavy as she reached her hand out towards me. Red wisps sparked from her fingertips and wrapped around me. I could feel her slipping inside of my mind, inside of my body, and I did my best to fight it. I couldn’t let the evil of the Darkhold take both of us.
“Wanda …!” I cried, trying my hardest to hold onto whatever little control I had left. “Don’t do this!”
I thought then that she was going to kill me. These were my final moments. The woman who I had loved so dearly, who I had tried so hard to find and save, was going to be the death of me.
She hissed softly, advancing on me, and suddenly images of us in the throes of passion flooded my mind. She was trying to weaken my resolve, and it was working.
“Wanda,” I half moaned. “Stop.”
A wicked smile appeared on her lips. She knew exactly what she was doing to me. Her tongue jutted out, caressing my throat and slipping into my mouth. I fought against her, twisting my head from side to side to free myself, but she was much stronger than I was, and had the advantage.
She retracted her tongue, leaving a messy trail of saliva in her wake.
“Mine.” She hissed, her claw like fingers coming up to caress my cheek, trailing down to the collar of my shirt.
I trembled under her touch, my breathing ragged as I watched her. Her nails went right through my shirt, slicing through it like it was nothing.
“Wanda!” I cried as she let my ruined shirt hit the floor, standing before her in just my bra.
I tried to pull my arms from her magic binds, but couldn’t. I was completely helpless and open to her. She didn’t seem as though she wanted to hurt me, but this wasn’t the Wanda I loved. This wasn’t my Wanda.
Her tongue came down and swirled around my covered breast, soaking the fabric and forcing my nipple to harden under her demonic touch.
I groaned, fear and arousal flooding my senses as she continued to touch me with her long tongue.
“Wanda, y-you need to stop.” I whimpered, her fingers flicking towards the rest of my clothes, leaving me bare before her.
Her smile widened at the sight of me; trembling, aroused, frightened - because of her.
She got down on her knees in front of me, spread my legs with her magic and licked my inner thighs, her long tongue flicked and teased my heated skin before dipping into my growing wetness.
“Oh, fuck, Wanda.” I felt my knees buckle, and thankfully her magic was holding me up, preventing me from falling.
She grabbed at my ass, spreading my cheeks and letting her tongue run from my pussy to my hole, and I could feel my whole body throbbing.
“Wanda, holy shit, fuck.” I moaned, my hips rising to meet the strokes of her tongue.
She let out a low growl, her strong tongue slipping into my cunt again, filling me up completely. I let out a whimpering moan as she fucked me, wishing so badly that I could touch her.
I looked down at her, taken back by the demonic look of her before pleasure rocked through me and I felt nothing but love for her, despite her current form.
I came all over her tongue, but she didn’t stop thrusting up into me, and I could feel her within every inch of me. My slick covered her face and tongue, her hands still gripping me tightly as she fucked me within an inch of my life.
Her tongue slipped out of my heat and trailed its way up my backside, dipping into my tight hole.
“Wanda, wait …” I groaned, my hips still rocking against her despite her prodding my most sensitive area.
I let out a low moan as she fucked my ass, flattening her tongue against my mound so I could grind myself against it as she fucked me.
This monster was still Wanda. She fucked me like Wanda, was careful like Wanda, and compassionate like Wanda - she was Wanda.
Tears built up in my eyes as I was overtaken by the sensations, grinding myself along the length of her tongue while she gently slipped in and out of my ass.
Her nails gently dug into me, leaving little blood trails in their wake. Her eyes met mine and I could almost see my Wanda behind her steely gaze.
“Wanda,” I whined, struggling against my binds. “Let me touch you. Please.”
She pressed her tongue against my clit and I groaned, feeling another orgasm wash over me. I had never cum from someone fucking my ass and playing with my clit before, but it was always something new with Wanda.
My legs shook as I came against her and she licked up all of my cum, cleaning me up and teasing my aching clit as she did so.
“Please, Wanda,” I couldn’t handle another orgasm so soon. “Too much.”
She purred softly, licking me gently as she let me come down from my high. Her magic loosened up on me and she lowered me to the ground with her, releasing me as she laid me out, crawling up my body.
She licked my neck and throat and I held onto her shoulders, bringing her close to me. Before I could say or do anything else, I felt a weight against my thigh. I looked down between us to see Wanda’s naked bottom half now sporting an erect, blood red cock.
“Wanda …” I whimpered softly, shifting against her.
She snarled against my neck, causing me to freeze in place as she thrust herself up against me.
She grabbed my leg, lifting it up so she could slip herself inside me with ease. She practically purred into my ear as she pumped in and out of me slowly, letting me adjust to her size.
I wrapped my free leg around her hip as she pounded into me, grunting softly against my neck as she fucked me. I could feel her throbbing inside me, and I knew she was close already. I squeezed her cock, milking her and she growled, grabbing my face and kissing me forcefully.
She pressed her tongue into my mouth and I moaned as she filled my cunt with her cum, her sharp teeth cutting my lip as she kissed me. She licked up the tiny droplets of blood and continued to stuff my pussy with her thick cock, breeding me like the animal she was.
She let go of my thigh and brought her hand up to my throat, wrapping her long fingers around it and squeezing ever so slightly, heightening my neverending high.
I panted softly as we both relaxed, her fingers around my neck loosening and her cock slipping out from my aching heat.
“Mine,” she snarled again, licking the hollow of my throat. “Mine.”
“Yours.” I said as I stroked her hair softly, almost comforted by the soft purring coming from deep within her chest. “Yours, always, no matter what.”
@natashaswife4125, @poison-blackheart, @aemilia19
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clockwayswrites · 8 months
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City Pigeons Bleed Green Part 3
WC: 1861 Masterpost CW: mentions of blood, past experimentation, and torture
Duke tugged the sleeves of the hoodie he had thrown on as he rolled out of bed down over his hands. The Cave was freezing. Usually the temperature was nice. Dressing up in layers of body armor and fighting crime made a person hot and the cool air of the Cave was a relief. When pulled out of bed by an all-hands meeting it was another story and so Duke tucked himself further in the hoodie.
He was pretty sure it wasn’t even his hoodie. This family (and those let into the inner circle) were almost all clothing thieves. Duke had even caught Wally West with his missing Gotham Academy hoodie once. The weird lack of boundaries had taken some getting used to. Seeing various family members naked for decontamination showers or medical procedures helped hurry that along. It was hard to care about who’s hoddie it was was after washing off cuddle pollen together.
The roar of a bike filled the Cave and Duke didn’t even look up. He knew the sound of Red Hood’s bike.
Man, he really had been in this family too long now, he thought and buried his face in his arms. Would they notice if he just went back to sleep?
“Perhaps some tea, Master Duke?”
Guess so.
“Thanks, Alfred,” Duke said and dragged himself properly upright to accept the mug of tea. At least it was warm.
Duke sipped at the tea, his favorite blend of course, as Jason sped into the Cave like the badass bastard he was. He spun his bike to a stop in one of the open spots.
“Hood,” Bruce addressed the other, the Batman™ gravel seeped into his voice even though he was dressed down in sweats, a hoodie Duke was pretty sure was actually Jason’s, and a brace on his wrist.
They all knew what Bruce meant though: report why an all-hands was called, why Tim wasn’t there, did those of them not suited up need to, was anyone they cared about hurt?
“No, old man, you report,” Jason said as he stalked up the steps towards them. “Who the fuck were you fucking fifteen years ago?”
Duke pinched himself to make sure he was actually awake and not still in bed having the most awkward dream. Alright, well, that hurt. So much for being saved from this conversation by the T-rex suddenly coming to life and breathing fire and them having to take it down with squirt guns and pool noodles.
He’d had some weird dreams since coming to live in the manor, alright?
“Um, ask what now, little wing?” Dick asked, looking between Jason and Bruce.
“I asked what I asked,” Jason said. He’d made it to the computer and they all turned obediently to look at the screen. Jason tugged off his helmet and set it down as he leaned against the console. “Who the fuck were you sleeping with at that time, Bruce?”
Bruce stared at Jason for a long moment. “Selina, mostly. Some socialites and such maybe still. What’s going on, Jason?”
“Oracle,” Jason said, not taking his eyes Bruce. “Red should have sent you some media. You’ll get why. Throw something fitting up on the screen.”
Despite what the superhero community and Gotham thought, everyone in the Cave knew that Batman was far from unflappable. They had all pulled one over on him before. But Duke had never seen Bruce looking like that before. As that image went up on the screen, it looked like someone had just shattered his brittle heart into pieces.
Duke couldn’t blame him. The sickly looking guy on the screen made Duke want to go find someone to punch and it wasn’t his face the other was wearing.
“Holy shit,” Steph whispered.
“Father, what is the meaning of this?” Damian ordered.
“Jay?” Dick prompted when Bruce seemed unable to find the words.
Jason scowled down at the ground. “Red and I were on patrol. He noticed… blood.”
Babs brought another image up on the left monitor without prompting. It was a Gotham alley like any other except it was splattered with a green spray.
“That is Lazarus water, that is not blood,” Damian said. His words were as haughty as ever, but there was a wobble under them.
“It’s blood for him,” Jason said. “Trust me. I held the kid as Red stitched him up. Knife wound. It was the only… new wound. Oracle, did Red send you…”
A new image popped up on the left screen and Jason closed his eyes. Duke had to swallow heavily and look away himself. He got now why Jason came in demanding who Bruce had slept with. Bruce’s heart was going to break all over again.
“Who?” Cass signed. Her motion was sharp and aggressive as she pulled her thumb from her chin after the sign.
“We don’t know,” Jason said. “He was jumpy.”
The picture of the horrible injuries was replaced by a video, clearly from Red’s suit. The guy was pressed against the wall, one hand gripped tight over the wet, green stain on his hoodie. He looked dwarfed in it.
“Hey, looks like you could use some help with that wound before you bleed out,” Tim said in the video. Duke could hear how he was keeping his tone carefully light.
“…just who are you supposed to be?” The guy’s voice could barely be heard.
“You must not be from Gotham. I’m Red Robin, one of the heroes here.”
The guy snorted, curling further into himself rather than relaxing at that. “So you’re just going to hand me over to the government then?”
Everyone in the cave stiffened at that, including Jason, which was interesting.
“Why would I do that? I’m a vigilante. Do you know how illegal what I do is? I just don’t want to see you bleed out. Maybe I can even take you to a safe house where you can rest.”
“So that you can interrogate me? No thanks.”
“I mean, I’d like to know who tried to kill a kid, but that’s to make them pay, not you.”
As the guy gave a horrible laugh, Duke reached out and touched Cass’ elbow, reminding her they were all there. These sort of things always hit her hard. She sent him a grateful smile before focusing back on the screen. “Maybe I deserve it.”
The guy tensed suddenly, weight shifting like he was about to bolt as the video slumped slightly sideways.
Jason’s voice rumbled from close to the camera. “You’re what, sixteen?”
“…fifteen?”
“Uncertain,” Cass spoke. Duke had to agree, the guy didn’t know how old he was, not for sure.
“Yeah, no fifteen year old deserves to bleed out. You know who I am?”
Duke tracked the motion of the hood as it slipped. The white hair was curious, considering Bruce, but if the guy was a meta or had been in the Lazarus Pits long enough… or worse, both…
“I’m Red Hood. I protect part of this city called Crime Alley. I’m not afraid to kill a shithead, especially ones that hurt kids, but I never harm a kid,” the Jason of the video said, something they all knew was true. It was an argument still often enough on bad days. “I’ve got places to put you if you needed somewhere safe; places not in the system. Or we can get you somewhere. Do you have a place to go to?”
The guy laughed again. “That’s the thing. I do. I might, I guess. Just no one is going to believe me.”
It was Tim who asked, “Why won’t they believe you? Where do you need to get?”
After the photo earlier, they all knew what the guy would look like when he lifted his head, but it still made Duke glance over at Bruce.
“I need to get to Bruce Wayne.”
-
Jason motioned and the video stopped there and went away.
Bruce closed his eyes.
I need to get to Bruce Wayne.
Another son he didn’t know about. Another son he failed to save from a horrible childhood because he didn’t know they existed.
“He didn’t want to see you right away, but we think that Tim and I convinced him that we could arrange a meeting between you and him,” Jason said.
“Of course,” Bruce answered instantly.
Jason just gave a little nod and explained, “He doesn’t trust the offer, or us, completely. It was enough to get him to the safe house. Passed out on the way.”
“And still asleep,” Tim piped up from the computer. “I’ve been running analysis on the… collar he’s wearing. It’s definitely a one off, but very professionally made. There’s, well, there was a tracker in it that’s been crushed. It’s meant to deliver a shock if someone messes with it, but I can disable that long enough to remove it.”
“You should wait until one of is is there,” Duke spoke up. “Just… in case there’s a reaction when it’s removed.”
Duke ducked his head when all eyes turned to him, still bashful as the newest member of the family. Bruce had been trying to reassure the other, but he knew that was far from his own strength. Clearly he needed to try a different approach.
“Just, you know, he’s clearly a meta? Of some type? It’s probably a containment collar and it could release a, you know, backlog? Of power?”
“Good thinking,” Bruce assured Duke.
“Someone better get here quick then. I hate seeing this thing on him,” Tim grumbled. At least he agreed.
Bruce looked back at the photo still on the center screen to the pale, drawn face. Even in sleep his son’s face was etched with pain.
“Bruce?” Dick prompted.
Bruce took a breath and made himself focus, to be Batman, not a grieving father. How often had he had to make that choice? “Dick, you and Jason both should go. Tim, as soon as the collar is off I want you and Oracle working on it but stay mindful of traps.”
“Will do,” Tim replied.
“And what of the rest of us?” Damian asked.
His youngest had come so far, but Bruce knew this would be a big disruption for him. They would have to watch him. He caught Cass’ eyes and she gave the slightest nod.
“I want Robin, Batgirl, and Spoiler out on the streets. Don’t ask questions yet, we don’t want to lead anyone to him, but get a sense of the mood around the big players. If this is already on anyone’s radar, I want to know.”
“And you need to make a list,” Jason said. “Kid talked in his sleep, begged his mom to stop. Could just be nightmares…”
“I’ll make one,” Bruce said. His bedroom proclivities were hardly what the papers reported, but with how this new son wasn’t certain of his age, it could be pre-Dick, or even at the start of Dick joining the family. It certainly meant there would be more names then any of the years later on. Whoever it was though, Bruce would find them.
He had to try and do that much for his son.
--- AN: Not entirely sure about Bruce's part here, but he's always harder for me to write! I think goal is to get at least one POV with all of the kids, so I guess Dick's is next likely! I'm super fuzzy today (fatigue, day fuck it, seven? Eight? Of this headache), so I hope this is at least decent~
Stay delightful, darlings!
I no longer tag, but you can subscribe to the masterpost to be notified!
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jistagrams · 11 days
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best interest p.sh
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pairing: park sunghoon x fem! reader
warnings: smut, zestyish jokes (Jake and sunghoon are basically In love idk), cursing, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it!!), kinda mean? dom sunghoon, pervert sunghoon, slight choking, not proofread, lmk if I missed anything!
minors dni!!
Friday 6:10 pm
what sunghoon didn't expect was to fall in love with you, living together just made him crazy, seeing you walk around in a big tee with just panties under?? yeah. "She won't even let jay hit" sunghoon ranted to his friend on facetime, "maybe shes a virgin and she's saving it for someone special" Jake replied, placing a kiss on his girlfriends head turning off his mic. "I'm someone special!" Hoon whined throwing his phone on his bed, "I guess not to her" Jake turned his mic back on snickering. "Should I fuck her best friend to get revenge.." he started questioning his own existence, hes never been this crazy over someone. did you cast a love spell on him or something? "her best friend is haechan" Jake set up his phone on the table, showing him as he put his headphones on and turning on his console. "ok nevermind. would rather kiss you than fuck haechan" "you would kiss me?" "hell no." "then why say it you got my hopes up" "..jake shut the fuck up" Jake laughs as the light from his computer reflected on his face. "yk what you should do, try and seduce her" he proposed, "that doesn't sound that bad, how would I even do that" sunghoon replies, finally picking his phone up from the bed to walk into the kitchen. "mmm, since y'all live together try walking around like shirtless or like... loudly jerking off??" Jake bit his nails while thinking, "holy shit your gonna make me get a restraining order" sunghoon laughed out loud, hearing the door unlock he quickly hung up and texted Jake "she's home, gonna take ur advice istg if she calls the cops on me you'll never see ur stupid apex acc again."
Friday 8:56 pm
he was nervous, obviously. he wasn't nervous about how he looked, he knew he looked good. he was just nervous on how your reaction would be, he hyped himself up in his room for a bit. doing some pushups till he walked out of his room shirtless knowing your in the kitchen, "yn" he spoke out to you, making you turn around to look at him. "why are u naked" was the first thing you said to him since you got home. "gonna take a shower, u cooking anything?" "Nah, I'm ordering food I'm just in here eating chips", clearly looking unfazed, "should we order something then?" He replied. Walking into the kitchen, sweats hanging low. Showing a obvious bulge, "I'll just get pizza u go take a shower, you stink like sweat" you looked away from his piercing gaze. He chuckled, "mm, ok let me know when the food comes I'll get it" he says while walking away and into the bathroom, quickly locking it and holding his head in his hands.
sunghoon : She won't even look at me 😭😭💔💔💔💔💔😢
Jake : maybe ur js butt ugly.
sunghoon : this is not helping idiot
Jake : did u walk around shirtless 🌚
sunghoon : YES BRO. even wore my baggy jeans to show extra 🤬😡
Jake : what if she's into girls...omg sunghoon I'm cooking here
sunghoon : only thing ur cooking is that burnt ass hair.
Jake : fuck u times 10 😒
sunghoon : u wanna fuck me 🌚
Jake : my gf just saw that msg without seeing the name I hope yn never ends up liking you.
sunghoon : CHILL BRO
he took a shower while blasting music, thinking on what his next plan was. he got out of the shower, black hair dripping water as he wrapped a towel around his waist. he looked in the mirror as he thought of a idea, he picked up his phone as some random rap song played, he took a picture shirtless. Sending it to Jake to confirm if it was cute or not.
sunghoon : *image attached*
Jake : wrong person
sunghoon : u fucking airhead is it cute or not
Jake : oh LMFAOOO
Jake : it's cute, who's it for
sunghoon : baefy yn
Jake : atp send her a dick pic
sunghoon : should i
Jake : yea if u wanna get blocked
as he turned his music off he heard you yelling for him from the living room. He quickly threw on his boxers and sweats, getting out as he put his phone in his pocket. "what's wrong?" He asked standing Infront of you, once again. Wearing baggy sweats but instead of them damn near falling off they are tied with the string. "do u not have any shirts or something, also the pizzas here" you handed him the money for the tip, he grabs it and walks to the door. "thanks" he smiled at the young woman handing him the pizza who was basically drooling. "can I get your number" she sheepishly asked. You looked at them in disgust, looking at the girl as sunghoon laughed and said no. He closed the door, walking back over to you, flopping on the couch and putting the pizza on the table. "why didn't you give her your number?" You asked, "wasn't interested" he shrugged, picking up a piece of pizza. Watching whatever you put on. "Lame."
Saturday 10:43 pm
he was hard. Extremely horny. to the point where he thought he might cum at barely sliding down his shorts. he thought back to the call he had with Jake yesterday, "jerk off loudly, yeah if I wanna be seen as a perv" he scoffed and slid down his shorts and boxers in one go. thinking if he should get off to a picture of you or just some random video on pornhub, he decided on a random video on pornhub. last thing he wants to be is a pervert (even tho he already jerks off to your pictures anyways..) he whined softly as he held his dick in his hand. fuck it. He loaded in on Instagram and stalked your account as his hand slid up and down his shaft. soft moans escaping his throat while looking through your highlights till he found his favorite picture, one of you and him at the beach. bathing suit top hugging your chest so well, making sunghoon's hand go faster on his already red cock, precum dribbling out his slit. His finger accidentally slipping and liking the year old photo. Shit. Shit shit shit. just as he was freaking out his load started shooting out, landing on his black shirt and blankets. his moan was loud, extremely loud. He only realized till after calming down from his high that 1. He sounded like a porn film and 2. He liked your story. He cleaned himself off with the shirt he was wearing, taking it off and throwing it in his laundry basket. Pulling his boxers and shorts up, grabbing another shirt from his drawer. just as he put his shirt on he heard his door swing open, "why you stalking me" you smirked at sunghoon, sitting on his chair in his room. "wasnt stalking you" he side eyed you as he continued to put on his shirt, looking down to notice a cum stain on his shorts cursing to himself, "I needa change my shorts. U gonna stay or what" he asked, looking at you. you turned around in the spin chair, he quickly took off his shorts and grabbed another pair. Putting them on and laying on his bed, "you can look now" he said, picking up his phone to see who texted him. "sunghoon" you called out to him, scooting closer to the bed until you gave up and laid on the bed next to him, "hm?" He replied. Sending a quick text to Jake and going on TikTok, "you should be quieter when you jerk off. not everyone wants to hear that when they wanna call their friend" you smiled at him teasingly as he looked at you before flicking your head with the same hand he used to jerk off with. You got up from his bed and left, sunghoon closed his door with his foot , sending another text to Jake. "Your dead meat."
Thursday 12:29 am
it's been 4 days since he started trying to seduce you, key word. Trying. everytime he jerked off you would just ignore it, same with him walking around in just sweats. he's at the point where he might as well walk around naked, he let our a frustrated sigh as he stood up from his bed. going to your room to get his charger that he lent you a few hours prior, maybe god was on his side or he was just lucky as hell. He opened the door to see you fucking yourself on a dildo. He feels like he could die from happiness right now, you were quick to slide the dildo out of you and cover yourself up. "Oh. My bad" he said, grabbing his charger from your side table. Your face was red, "sunghoon" you quietly called out. "what? ur not done with the charger?" He asked, looking at you covered by your purple sheets. You shook your head, "you wanna help?" you asked, uncovering your body.
Thursday 9:12am
he really has to stop dreaming of you. He woke up hard as shit, all because of that stupid dream. Like he would walk in on your masturbating? Yeah right. He sat up from his bed and groggily walked into the kitchen, he ignored you as he grabbed a water bottle and chugged it. You were quick to notice the very obvious bulge, swallowing your spit while you looked at his back. imagining how it would look after you scratched it during sex. Or how his hands would feel on your body, how his fingers would feel inside of you. Ok yn. Enough of these lewd thoughts. That's your friend your thinking of, your really hot friend. "u wanna make breakfast?" he said, his hot breath on your neck. you felt goosebumps, how did he get behind you so quick? the hell? "not hungry right now so no" you answered, not daring to turn around. "But I'm hungry" he mumbled resting his head on your shoulder. "Make your own food loser" you quickly spoke, moving quick to your room. he smirked to himself, he finally got to you. He's definitely gonna tell Jake about this.
Thursday 5:01 pm
"yn" you hummed as you focused on your show. "Are you a virgin" he asked, you nearly choke on your spit. "What kind of question is that?" You stare at him in shock. Sunghoon shrugged, not looking away from the tv. "Are you?" He asked again. "No sunghoon. I'm not a virgin. Are you?" You spoke with a small attitude in your voice, "nope" he replied, popping the p. "Are you lesbian?" He asked another question. "no. What the hell are these questions??" You shifted your whole body towards him. "So why don't you look my way." He finally looked at you, once again. Staring with a piercing gaze. "What do you mean by that" you know exactly what he means. "Why don't you show any interest in me" the fuck? You always show interest in him, why do you think you wear just shirts around the house? "I do" doesn't seem like it. "I like you yn." He finally expressed his feelings that were making him go insane. "me too" your voice was barley heard, "you like yourself too?" He smiled and chuckled softly. "No I like you too" you smiled back, feeling shy at the sudden confessions. "You know I love you" he said, scooting closer. Holding your face as he pressed a soft kiss on your lips, "I would hope so, why are you saying it so early though" you snickered, "cause I'm about to fuck you like I don't" his smile was so innocent you almost didn't register what he said, he's gonna fuck you like he doesn't? Hell yeah.
Thursday 5:30 pm
your not sure how you ended up in sunghoon's bed, laying on your back as he slurped up your juices. Spewing random shit as he ate you out, "been waiting like...months for this moment" his chin was glistening from eating you out. Sticking two fingers inside to bring you closer to your climax, and you were quick to hit it. Gripping onto his hand that was sliding in and out of you, helping you ride your high out. "that was good huh?" He smiled up at you. giving him a tired nod, he slipped his fingers out of you and sat up. Kissing your lips before sticking his fingers in your mouth to taste yourself, he was different from any other men you've slept with. No man would do this, besides sunghoon apparently. He took his fingers out of your mouth after you sucked them clean, praising you softly as he pulled his boxers down. Slapping his dick on your pussy, "you ready?" You nodded. He entered slowly, groaning out while you pulled him down to hold onto him. Clawing on his back, when he fully bottomed out you realized he was huge. Like 6 inches huge. Sliding back out just to thrust back in, he kept his quite fast pace while you rambled about something he wasn't paying attention to. only thing he was focused on was how good you felt around him, almost too good. "fuck, gonna cum soon if you keep clenching like that" he moaned out, kissing your cheek as he whined and moaned in your ear. "sunghoon" you sighed out, "yeah baby?" he answered. Lifting himself up, keeping his hands on your tits as you rambled about how good he felt. "I know love" he hummed back, sliding out. "doggy style baby" you were quick to get into the position and he was quick to slide right back in, you felt him deeper than you did just a few seconds ago. Arms already weak, making sunghoon hold you up. He was hitting places you didn't even know he could hit, "already fucked out?" He snickered, his hand snaking up to your neck to apply pressure. you immediately felt yourself let go and cum, "i-im cumming" you whined out, holding onto his arm. "I know" He replied, letting you go to fall onto the bed. fucking you harder than he already was, "gonna cum inside n ruin you for every other man" he grunted in your ear,trying to chase his own high. "fuck, taking it so well. who fucks you the best?" He moaned, "y-you" you were extremely sensitive, you felt another climax coming. it came too fast to even warn sunghoon, all he felt was tons of juice on his abs and hips. "Holy shit you just squirted" he spoke in pure shock, still fucking you as he praises you. you were a mess, tears were streaming down your cheeks as sunghoon finally came inside, "m' cumming pretty" he sighed out as he came, rocking his hips slowly. "you did so good for me baby" he slid out and kneeled down, he was quick to latch onto your pussy to clean you up. "w-wait sunghoon" you gasped out, "I'm almost done love" he reassured you, he was right. He had fully cleaned you up and laid down beside you, holding you softly. placing kisses on your face, both of you falling asleep
Friday 10:13 am
yeah. His back does look hot with a bunch of scratch marks. "does your back hurt?" You asked, embarrassed from how many there are. "nah, even if it did I think it would be worth it" he smiled as he poured coffee for you, kissing your forehead and placing a arm around your waist. maybe Jake was right, after all his advice did get sunghoon here.
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stars-for-circe · 5 months
Text
Student teacher!Abby Headcannons
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Part 1, Part 2
tags / cw: AFAB reader, reader has a sister, fluff, making out, swearing, smut, mentions of tribbing, mentions of oral sex, mentions of fingering, carnival date, student teacher!Abby
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Student teacher!Abby who spends the next fortnight absolutely enthralled with the image of you - butterflies in her stomach that she had met you once, and storm clouds over her head that she had met you once. God, how the fuck could she forget to ask for your number like that? I mean what was she, some shy middle schooler confronting her crush??
…Pretty much.
Student teacher!Abby who tries her hardest to keep on teaching despite the fact, distracting herself with making activities for each science class and staying later than usual to mark books each day. But Abby who, upon noticing the students trail out of the class as the main teacher packs up, realises she had once again stayed until pickup, could now only think of you, and of how the two of you had met.
Student teacher!Abby who realises that this is how you two met, and holy shit this is how you two could need again. And just like that, 2 weeks of distracting herself break down, you now on the forefront of her mind once more. And she thanks whatever god is up there that your little sister happens to be the student she is closest and talks with the most, because trying to find her solely to ask when you may be picking her up again will hopefully seem less suspicious and fruity than she thought.
Student teacher!Abby who wastes no time darting out of the building and to the cul-de-sac next to the school - work be damned - as she tries to find your little sister. If she’s fast enough, she’ll be able to catch her before she gets picked up by her dad.
Student teacher!Abby who freezes when she notices what car the girl gets into, belonging not to some random middle aged man, but a woman - you. And initially, Abby contemplates turning around and heading back into the classroom before anyone sees her. But then she watches as your head turns in her direction, following where your sister is now pointing at, and she has no choice now but to walk up to your car and talk to you both.
Student teacher!Abby who walks up to the drivers side while calling out your name and is met with a shocked but seemingly happy look from you (and on your end, you’re just all giddy that your sister’s smoking hot teacher remembered you)
Student teacher!Abby who doesn’t know what to say after finally meeting you again and groans internally because fuck, she didn’t think this far, trying to save herself by engaging in small talk - the traffic, how your sister is going on class, the goddamn weather even-
“-A Date”
“…..what?”
“We-” you clear your throat.
“We should go on a date, Abby”
Student teacher!Abby who agrees entirely too fast (much to your amusement) thankful that you interrupted her with your proposition. But then she realises that you hasn’t decided on where and when. Nervously, her eyes flit around for any ideas - because there’s no fucking way she’s taking you on a boring coffee date - and she noticed the Ferris wheel in the distance, about 7 blocks away.
Student teacher!Abby who asks if you like carnivals, to which you let out a breathy laugh at what she’s insinuating before nodding. She leans over the side of your car, resting her arms against the roof while smiling.
“Uh, is Saturday good for you?”
“Mhm. I can meet you there at around 6”
“You got it, babygirl”
Student teacher!Abby who smirks at the reaction that gets out of you as she stands back to let you drive out, noticing your sister giving her a thumbs up from the backseat (that makes her laugh) and once you’re a ways away she drops the whole “cool” facade and panics because holyshitshejustscoredadatewithyou.
Student teacher!Abby who spends the rest of the week thinking about what she’ll wear and say and what the both of you will do at the carnival.
Student teacher!Abby who keeps bugging your sister during recess on your favourite food and favourite stuffed animals in the hopes that she can win you those prizes, to the point where the poor first grader gets so fed up that she rolls her eyes at her teacher’s antics.
“I heard my sister say to her friend that she’s ‘really gay’ for you or something. I dunno what that means but I don’t think you need to worry that much, Miss Abby”
Student teacher!Abby who chokes on her coffee at that.
Student teacher!Abby who waits for you at the carnival entrance, checking the time every other second and nervously shifting her stance until you arrive. And when you do, it takes a moment for Abby to remember how to breathe because of how beautiful you look.
Student teacher!Abby who makes a joke about how you got all dressed up for her and you playfully push her away while laughing as the two of you walk into the carnival grounds.
Student teacher!Abby who takes you to the food stands first, asking what you want to eat & drink before buying it for you - there’s no way she’d let you pay for anything tonight and she makes that quite clear, much to your protest.
Student teacher!Abby who find you both a spot to sit down at before setting down your food and locking eyes with you from across the table.
“Nice view?” She jokes.
“Yea, actually” Abby lets out a huff of laughter before shaking her head. You join in before repeating what you said.
“I’m serious! Abby you’re like, really pretty”
“Yea well, your sister already told me you thought that”
Student teacher!Abby who breaks down into an even bigger fit of laughter as she watches your face turn into one of shock and embarrassment as you promise that your sister won’t ever see the light of day again.
Student teacher!Abby who really enjoys talking to you as you both eat, hanging onto every little thing you say. You share that your sister is actually adopted, and that you moved to this city only a couple years ago, and she shares that her full name is actually Abigail, and that she wants to teach in a high school later on.
Student teacher!Abby who keeps on talking with you long after the food has been eaten, until you both agree to check out all the rides and games.
Student teacher!Abby who lets you drag her to the high striker game, where you have to hit the hammer down as hard as you can to win the prize. She lets you go first, and watches as the puck makes it fairly high up the tower before falling again, winning you a small rubber duck.
Student teacher!Abby who goes right after you, hitting the hammer down hard. But this time the puck rises all the way to the top, winning her the biggest prize. She looks at the staff member who stares at her incredulously before handing over the giant stuffed teddy bear.
Student teacher!Abby who immediately gives it to you, promising that this is only just the first thing she’ll win you.
Student teacher!Abby who plays almost every other game and goes on all the rides with you that night, and walks out of the carnival with you while you’re holding the largest stuffed animal collection on earth.
Student teacher!Abby who follows you to your car and helps put all of the stuffed animals in the trunk. And holy shit, she tries not to stare at your ass as you bend over to place them inside. She helps you close the door before leaning against the car, looking at you in thought.
Student teacher!Abby who doesn’t speak at first, the only noises being from the carnival and the crickets chirping in the car park. She traces your features with her eyes - still adjusting to the dark night compared to the bright lights of the carnival - before asking softly if you had fun.
Student teacher!Abby whose gaze sinks down from your eyes, lower, lower, as you match her tone and say that yes, you did, and that you’d love to do this again.
Student teacher!Abby who is too busy glancing at your lips to realise that you’re doing the exact same thing, until you whisper a soft “c’mere” as you pull her by her shirt and kiss her hard, lips moving in tandem with eachother as her hands trail up and down your back, drawing small noises out of you.
Student teacher!Abby who pins you against your car and pulls away to take a breath, before kissing you once more.
Student teacher!Abby who groans as she feels you tugging lightly on her braid, moving her kisses down your jawline and to your throat. And in between every kiss and suck and mark she leaves there, she asks lowly, her place? Or yours?
Student teacher!Abby who can’t for the life of her keep her hands off of you as she drives your car to her apartment, pinning you to the car, and the elevator, and her front door as you make your way in. And when you pin her to the wall of her hallway, she lets out a surprised gasp into your mouth before telling you to jump up.
Student teacher!Abby who waits until your legs are wrapped around her waist until moving her hands to your ass and walking to her bedroom. And maybe she was a little rough when she slammed her door shut and threw you on her bed, but Jesus Christ did it you on.
Student teacher!Abby who made sure you came so many times that night, until you couldn’t feel your legs afterwards. Making sure that you would remember how her tongue and fingers felt in you, against you, on you.
Student teacher!Abby who let you take the lead after she had her way with you, letting you touch her just as much. And the sight of you, all beautifully fucked out and breathy as you rubbed your clit on hers, would now be forever imprinted on her brain.
Student teacher!Abby who made sure to clean you both up afterwards, and then pull you on top of her to sleep. Well, not before sleepily making out with you again, but cmon, it’s not like she could resist.
Student teacher!Abby who wakes up before you, watching how the early days of sunshine scatter across your face. She traces circles on your naked back until you wake up. Groggily, you regain your bearings and remember where you are as you look at Abby and smile
And finally,
Student teacher!Abby who thanks the fucking lord that she got moved to the elementary school to teach.
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loviingpedri · 6 months
Text
one of his girls tonight - hector fort
prompt: he can’t get enough of you.
warnings: cursing, drinking, clubbing, suggestive content, grammar issues, not intense smut (viewer discretion is still advised)
please let me know if more since this is going to be a little explicit.
any italicized texts are lyrics
credits to owners for all images
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what else do young adults do in their free time? party, of course.
nothing like a hot saturday night in barcelona when the city was awake as people went out.
“y/n! my sexy girl, let’s go!” going out with your friends at least once a month was a must. meeting new people, kissing strangers, waking up next to someone random.
everything felt like a fever dream. especially that one boy you shared an unforgettable kiss with. last month, you were drunk out of your mind. you met this one guy, he had brown fluffy hair and touched you in the right places. your friends always said you were gonna go home with him and make him yours for the night. until, a random girl walked up to you and slapped you. either you just made out with someone’s boyfriend or someone was a complete control freak over him.
you hoped to see him tonight. some reassurance of what happened last month. and if he’s single, maybe you’ll keep him wrapped around your finger this time.
“alright! i’m ready!” you grabbed your small purse that barely fit anything in it and ran into the uber with the 10 other people in it. “a bit crowded?” you laughed as some people were sitting on each other’s laps.
“anything to save money and not have a designated driver tonight. today’s the day where all hell will break lose.” going out with a group of people was safer, calmer, and more fun.
lately, your life had been hitting every single positive goal in life. you spent your days with the people who brought out the best. little did you know, you would meet the person who would see you inside and out.
getting out the car was a hassle. thanking the driver and running to show your ids to the bouncer. already pre-gamed at your tiny apartment, it was finally time to let loose.
“it’s fucking hot in here.” one of your dearest friends spoke to you as you tried to mingle on the dance floor.
“i just finished my makeup 20 minutes ago and i can feel it melting already.” you fanned yourself to keep composed.
“y/n, that guy keeps staring at you.” looking behind your shoulder. you saw the one and only boy, the one with the best lips you’ve ever felt on yours.
“holy shit. that’s the guy with the crazy girl that slapped me.” you looked at your friend in disbelief. he must’ve went out to the clubs a lot if you continued to see him.
“go up to him. i don’t see her around. ask him what that whole fight was about. take a shot though, you’re gonna need it.” turning around, you could already see his eyes going up and down from behind you. meeting with your friends at the bar and downing shots after shots. finally feeling the alcohol in your system, a new boost of confidence was found.
walking up to him, you spotted different girls surrounding him. as you got closer, he sat up straight and tried to distance himself. sitting down next to him, he sat there frozen.
“hey, aren’t you the guy from a few weekends back?” for a guy who seemed popular around the ladies, he seemed pretty fucking nervous around you.
“yeah i am. sorry about that slap. i don’t know what happened. she’s not my girlfriend by the way. just someone random.” he spoke so fast, fidgeting with his hands. considering you already made out with him, there was no reason for him to be scared.
“you seem very popular. met anyone you like?” he wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. you listened closely to the song in the background as he tried to form an answer.
push me down, hold me down.
spit in my mouth while you turn me on. i wanna take your light inside.
“you. can’t ignore a pretty girl like you.” he began to play into your little game. slowly, you touched his shoulder and sat closer to him in a comfortable position.
“oh yeah? well, this ‘pretty girl’ has to know your name first.”
and i’m screamin’ out. give me tough love.
“my name is hector. yours?”
“i’m y/n. you have a little something on your neck.” spotting a red kiss-mark on his neck, obviously not from you, you smudged it off.
we don’t gotta be in love no. i don’t gotta be the one, no.
i just wanna be one of your girls tonight.
“wishing it was your lipstick?” he give a little grin, trying to rile you up. you looked at him, his way of words trying to get into your pants was working.
“i don’t need to wish.” within seconds, your lips happened to be on hector’s. your legs straddling him while he rubbed your thighs.
he knows how to get the best out of me.
his hands were grabbing your waist as you felt the material of his pants under you. he continued rubbing your thighs, but he slowly made it up to your ass. as you gasped for air, he decided it was a good time to slip in his tongue.
finally breaking the kiss, you hear him whimper for more even over the loud music. smiling at him, you made your way to his neck and jaw. you planted a few kisses here and there, then you could feel his hand start to go under your dress.
“not here, but i know a few places.” making eye contact, you already knew where this was going.
hector wanted to you to be his girl every night.
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author’s note: author gone wild. imagination got the best of me and i know this is not likely of my stories. let me know if i did good for these kind of storylines!
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fanfictilltheend · 13 days
Text
❤️‍🔥Violent Heart Part 2:  ♪Remember when I moved in you, and the holy dove was moving too ♫ (or the VERY DARK Stepdad!Mechanic!Covict!Joel x Afab!you one)❤️‍🔥
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Hi I apologize that a lot of these reference pics are just of white girls. I tried to find "aesthetic" images that go with the story but so many of them are just of white people and I want to call myself out for this because in the fic's only descriptors are that she has hair and is AFAB -- nothing about race. I also realize that all of the girls in this are skinny too and Y/N's body type is never specified. Sorry fam!! These images are just to get the creative juices flowing and don't truly depict anything from the fic!!
A/n: It’s here!!!!!! 18+ Only. This took me 7 freaking months so you mofos better like, reblog, and comment. This is both my most and least personal fic I’ve ever written and it is dark and relies heavily on plot (smut this time tho!!) READ ALL OF THE TAGS DO NOT COME FOR ME UNLESS YOU DID THIS FR FR. This ones for my dark joel fangirlies(guys and NBies) and the daddy issues fam ily ❤️‍🔥 (also not me naming my fic in part after hallelujah by leonard cohen but there is a reason!!!!!!!!!!)
Summary: Part 2 picks up with Y/N at age 20 and how her relationship with Joel has changed and gets steamier.  SMUT and feelings <3 Also check out this playlist of music that’s in the fic!!!!
Tags (PLEASE READ): Afab!you, pov change, Infidelity, threats, age gap, dressing Joel up (swear I wrote this before he wore that outfit to the SAG awards — the mr.Darcy-core one), racist comment (from Y/N’s douchey boyfriend), douchey boyfriend, confidence issues, feelings, voyeurism, masturbation (m and f), kissing, penis in vagina sex — unprotected (wear a condom), lightest hint of ass play, scar worship?? kinda??, daddy issues, daddy kink, using music lyrics to move the plot, multiple orgasms (m and f), religion and god discussions, stepcest (kinda bc technically he is divorced from her mother), tagging psuedo-incest just to be safe!!, use of y/n
Word Count: ~13k
PART 1
AO3 Link
Violent Heart Masterlist
Full Masterlist of all my work
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If you’re being honest, you’ve always had a little crush on Joel Miller. How could you not have? The first day you’d met him had been like some kind of fucked up yet extremely satisfying whirlwind of a daydream. He’d come in, broad and tall and strong, and saved you from your evil (though you do love him somewhere deep, deep down) older brother’s onslaught. Protected you like a knight in shining armor from his punching, beating fists. Treated and touched you so tenderly, so many miles different from how your own father did that you’d been hit with whatever the pleasant opposite of whiplash is. And the way he finally punished Aiden after years of his reign of terror, the violence of it, the justice of it. You didn’t have words for it then, but the way you looked into Joel’s eyes when he was doling out that righteous punishment became some kind of strange secret understanding between the two of you. Maybe it was the first sign of love? You aren’t sure.
As a kid, he’d given you what you like to think of as quiet butterflies. They were always there when he spoke to you, looked at you, touched you, beat the shit out of your father and brother for you, but they were faint enough that you could ignore them. It was a comforting, fluttering kind of love, a gradual understanding of your loyalty to one another. But then puberty hit and the insects became incessantly loud when you thought of, wrote to, or talked to him. They ate at your heart day after day while Joel was in prison – the longing, the missing. Aiden told you that you were obsessed with him. Your mother told you to forget him, that he would forget you. But somehow, he didn’t. You wonder if those bugs live in him too. You wonder if they are quiet or loud and if they gnaw .
You think that they are probably loud. You think this for a few reasons. The first is that you know for a fact, you can feel it in the lining of your soul, and from the evidence of his constant correspondence and care for you, that he is just as obsessed with you as you are with him. The second reason is the fact that you think but aren’t one hundred percent sure is that the last time you’d hugged him he’d gotten a little hard (you don’t want to think too much into that because he is only a man who had been deprived of touch for a long time – but still you wonder…). And the third is the way he looks at you like you are the universe like you are the last drop of nectar and he is the last butterfly left on Earth in a famine. 
That’s how he’s looking at you now in the passenger seat of his old, clunky pickup. You know that he wanted to drive, but you wanted to show him how well you could because he had never seen. Never had the chance to see how well you had fixed, maintained, and took care of his baby and of course he gave into you like he always does. He's smiling at you quietly, but his eyes contain multitudes. Right now mostly pride at your driving.
Joel is a bit different than how you remember sitting near him in the truck the last time you were together, him as a free man, you as a little girl. Somehow, even though you are obviously bigger now, he still seems massive and broad and stronger than ever. His biceps are huge – probably from all the time he had to work out in prison – and peeking out under his blue t-shirt that you brought for him, you think you see the outlines of some tattoos. You look a little closer. On his right arm is text in curvy black ink. You think it reads, “Sarah.” You smile softly at that. On his other arm is a strange orange shape that you have to squint at to understand. The edges of the object are jagged but they form a shape like a badge – and then you know what it is! It is the guitar pick you made for Joel as a child. The one that had pricked his finger and drawn blood and he stuck it in his wallet. You can’t articulate how honored you feel that Joel loved you enough to tattoo something you made for him on his body, permanently, forever. 
“ Well , the light only turned green damn near eons ago,” he complains about your driving, but you know he is just teasing.
There is hardly anything wrong you can ever do in Joel’s eyes. He grins at you a bit lopsidedly and you smile back. You also can’t help but notice the greying of his brown hair. It’s a bit longer than it used to be too and the length gives it a little bit less of a shaggy look. You think it suits him, makes him look a bit older and more distinguished than when he first came into your life twelve years ago. 
Objectively, you know it’s weird to think that your ex-stepdad who is a convicted felon is hot, but it’s just something you’ve always known and thought like that the sky is blue or that orange is your favorite color. You know it’s weird to think of someone who was? – is? – supposed to be a father figure to you that way, but it’s already second nature at this point. You’ve had a few boyfriends (luckily all of them had treated you right), but none of the feelings you’ve ever had for them have compared to the cosmic-sized love and affection you have for Joel and you’ve never known anything different. The years you spent longing, missing, loving, obsessing over, and aching for him in every way under the sun, can’t be healthy, you know this, but they have eclipsed practically every other relationship in your life. No one has ever made you feel as safe and protected and loved as Joel has. No one else has ever looked at you the way he does. No one else’s entire existence has revolved around you the way his has. The sheer devotion in his gaze is enough to make the butterflies inside you scream and beat their wings against your insides like hungry bats. 
And you especially know you shouldn’t have these feelings about another human being violent enough to be capable of taking a life – inebriated or not. You’re grown now and know the man he killed was a scum-of-the-Earth child predator, and secretly you’ve always wondered if there was more to the story than Joel told the police in the official court transcripts you’d read as an adult, maybe even something to do with you since you had been there that day in the repair shop when they met , but you haven’t pressed because you’re sure the whole thing is quite traumatic for Joel and if he ever wants to tell you, you know he will. And more importantly, you don’t really care. Drunken, violent idiot or not, you were already deeply invested and never intended on wavering in that. You’re not sure there’s anything Joel could do to get you to stop loving him and that both terrifies and excites you. 
“Okay, whatcha wanna eat?” you ask, reaching out to rub Joel’s shoulder gently. “Now that you’re free you can have whatever you want! On my mom’s credit card of course. Swear I won’t tell her.”
Joel grins.
“Deal,” he tells you. “I was thinking of a nice steak dinner.”
***
You pull into the fanciest restaurant you can find in the tri-state area and sit down to order a regal, all-American, full three-course steak dinner (though you’re both woefully underdressed – not that you care – though the host gives you a dirty look). All the while, you tell Joel about your major (psychology) and how you want to become a counselor for abused children.
“That’s sort of beautiful, sweetheart,” he tells you with a genuine smile that used to be so hard to coax from him, but now seems to float over to you so easily and gently like a kiss from something as soft as the wings of a butterfly. “Wanting to help defenseless children. You’re kinda like a guardian angel for them, ya know? Damn proud of ya! Also, these mashed potatoes are goddamn delectable!” he exclaims after taking an experimental bite. “Have I mentioned that prison food is shit?”
You smile bashfully and want to tell him that he is your guardian angel (you wonder if he thinks the same of you) and inspiration in a backward sort of way for wanting to help kids in the first place since he was so good at protecting you for the most part (though you obviously don’t believe violence is the correct answer in your line of future work). But kids need protectors. Somehow you know that deep down you forgive him for all of the violence he caused because you would forgive him for anything. And him being proud of you? You don’t think there’s a better feeling in the world than that! You burst with pride. Your real father never said that to you, but Joel doesn’t feel like your father now. He is something different entirely. Something that entirely belongs to you.
“And you’ll meet my boyfriend, Max, tomorrow,” you nod as Joel moves onto the steak and lets out a soft moan at how good it tastes. “He’s heard a lot about you.”
Joel’s face flattens.
“And who is this kid exactly?” he sneers a little, attacking the steak with his knife. 
You smile internally at the obvious jealousy he’s trying to hide from his voice.
“Hey, Max is a decent guy!” you insist in his defense. “He’s pre-law. Real smart. He’s gonna be an important person someday, I know it. You’ll get on.”
That last part is a bit of a lie since you’re not sure the two will actually like each other. 
Joel examines your face, looks deep into your eyes.
“All I know is, just because someone is important, don’t mean they’re good to you or for you for that matter.” 
You can’t help but think of your father, the most “important” man you know and how much of a degenerate he is compared to someone ostensibly average like Joel who didn’t even have a status symbol like a college degree and how perfect of a man you think he is, despite his obvious flaws. You blush a little, scrunching up your nose. 
“Just lookin’ out for you, sweetheart,” he continues, smiling at the way you do. “He ever fuck with you – he ever break your heart, you know just where to send him, alright?”
“Yeah, Joel,” you grin. “Don’t need you getting any more jail time though, alright?” “You may have made a valid point,” he concedes with a smirk. 
***
When you two enter your shitty, one-bedroom apartment it’s already dark outside. Joel actually grins when he notices his and your guitars have both been mounted on the wall. 
“We can play ‘em tomorrow,” you tell him excitedly. “If you want to, I mean…”
“Hell yeah, I do,” Joel smiles. “Wanna hear ya singing for me, honey. I missed that.”
You smile to yourself.
“You can have my bed, and I’ll take the couch,” you decide, getting back to business. 
“No way, babygirl. I ain’t taking your bed.”
“Joel, you’ve literally been on a prison mattress for eight fucking years! Can’t imagine that’s been very comfortable.”
“That’s exactly why I won’t mind the couch. That’ll feel like heaven to me. Don’t want you messin’ up your back, sweetheart.”
You open your mouth, but Joel beats you.
“And that’s that,” he insists. 
“Alright, alright,” you concede, knowing by the look on his face he’s not budging. If one thing, Joel has always been stubborn, but you like that about him. “D’you wanna watch a movie or something?”
“Actually, baby, if ya don’t mind, I’d like a quick shower. Been dreaming about taking a real, private one for ages.”
“Yeah, of course!” you nod, motioning toward your bathroom door. “Towels are under the sink.”
Joel makes his way inside and soon steam is billowing out the bottom of the door. 
You busy yourself with some homework, but just as you walk past the door to grab a glass of water, you think you hear Joel singing.
You listen more closely over the fall of the running water and make out him singing the chorus of an old ABBA song with a deeper, sadder tone to it,
♪ “ Slipping through my fingers all the time / I try to capture every minute / The feeling in it / Slipping through my fingers all the time / Do I really see what's in her mind? / Each time I think I'm close to knowing / She keeps on growing / Slipping through my fingers all the time…” ♫
You feel like such a sap, but you feel a tear forming in your eye at the way Joel must be thinking about his and your relationship and everything he missed in your life. You aren’t mad at him, but his absence hurt in a way you didn’t know you could feel. And you’ve never blamed him, really, but the lack of him for eight years of milestones really did kill a piece of you. You can’t help but imagine a butterfly at the bottom of your stomach with its wings pulled off. That’s how you felt all that time without Joel – like a butterfly without wings. A writhing worm of a human being, senseless and lost in a giant world full of forces you couldn’t control. 
You listen to Joel’s beautiful, deep voice until you hear him turn off the tap and you scurry away and act innocent. 
Joel emerges from the bathroom then with nothing but a white towel around his waist, steam from the shower floating lazily into the room behind him like precession. And oh, wow, is he ever a sight to behold. His hair is wet, dark brown flecked with grey, and starting to get curly from the moisture. You also can’t help but notice his broad chest, the expanse of it, the dark curls of hair, his bulking, muscular tattooed arms, his soft, hairy tummy, the V-shape of muscle that descends beneath the towel, his happy trail. You are overwhelmed by the soaking beauty of him. You’d seen Joel shirtless before, sure, but it had never felt like this . 
“Gon’ grab some of those clothes you bought for me and then maybe we could watch something?” Joel asks as you try so fucking hard not to stare at him.
“Sure!” you squeak, staring down at your notebook at the kitchen counter. 
You think you see a smirk from Joel, but you're not sure because your gaze is averted as he grabs some clothes to change into and disappears back into the bathroom.
When he reemerges, dressed in a wifebeater and shorts that accentuate his form, you two sit next to each other on your cushy sofa and surf the TV for something to watch. You feel Joel’s hairy knees against your jean-clad one and your heart flutters.
“Can’t believe I’m really here,” Joel says softly as you pass re-runs of Full House, a dog show. “Like I gotta fuckin’ pinch myself to know it’s not a dream.”
Suddenly you feel a large, weathered hand on your cheek.
“Missed you so much, babygirl,” he murmurs, looking into your eyes, massaging the line of your jaw ever so lightly, trying to hold your skittish gaze. “More than I even have words for.”
First, you avoid looking at him a bit bashfully, but then you stare up cautiously into those big brown eyes that feel like a familiar kind of home and you’re such a goner. You lean into his warmth, the warmth of his hand.
“Missed you too, Joel. So much,” you admit, never wanting this moment to end or him to let go of you. “More than anything.”
He leans forward a little and for a second you think…but then he’s leaning in and planting a heavy kiss on your forehead. A kiss that has weight to it – not those soft, weak ones that Max gives you haphazardly when he’s drunk or high – the only time he’s brave enough to be vulnerable with you. This kiss says something, means it so sincerely too. 
“Love you, honey,” he tells you. Then his face falls. “Sorry I…wasn’t quite there to say that to you enough in person.”
“It’s okay, Joel. I forgive you,” you insist. “I love you so much, dummy. More than you even know!”
But you truly do appreciate the sentiment. 
***
You settle on an old, black and white classic, Paper Moon, that’s playing on the TV Land channel.
Joel wraps a big arm around you and you snuggle close. You’re pretty sure there isn’t a better feeling in the world than being this close to him. Even after all these years he still smells like Joel; like home (and, if you’re being honest, a bit like your vanilla shampoo) .
You lean against him, your cheek pressing into one of his firm pecs. You begin to feel sleepy, drunk on the steady sound of his heartbeat, alive and beating against you and really here . 
You nod off.
***
At first, you don’t believe it, but you feel someone with strong, firm arms lifting you into the air, cradling your back and the insides of your knees in a bridal-style carry. The movement wakes you, but you don’t open your eyes because the safety and security you feel is too good to give up. Joel carries you to your bedroom and lays you down gently in your bed. You’re still in day clothes and shoes so Joel takes off your worn sneakers with a feather-light touch and places them at the foot of the bed – you can tell from the soft thumps it makes. He maneuvers you so tenderly under the covers and tucks you in with love and care. You wonder the last time someone did that for you and pull up a blank. If anyone ever did that for you it was probably Joel. Maybe your mom did when you were really young. Certainly your father nor Aiden ever did – your father hadn’t liked to touch you except out of anger – kind of like you had some kind of weird, contagious disease. Aiden’s hands had almost always hurt too, but not Joel’s – never his. 
He breaks you from your thoughts by pressing another kiss to your forehead. Your eyes are still closed so you aren’t sure, but you think he watches you for a second and lets out a long sigh. 
Then you hear your bedroom door close softly so as not to disturb you. You smile, you can’t help it, and drift back off into a peaceful sleep.
***
You wake up to a mumbling, grunting sort of sound. You look over at your clock and read 3:42 a.m. You sit up. You can kind of hear some muffled noises coming from outside your room. At first, you feel a little concerned – like maybe Joel is in pain or something as he is the only one who could be making the noises. The walls in your apartment are paper-thin. Like you could hear him sneeze clear as day if he were to because sound travels through the shitty walls so easily. You should have told him that. But what the fuck is he doing up at 3 a.m.? 
You creep (and you mean creep) silently to the door of your bedroom and open it the tiniest crack. The way your apartment is laid out, the back of the sofa is the first thing you see and the back of Joel’s head about six feet away. He doesn’t sound in pain the way he’s groaning and then you understand exactly what he’s doing. Of course the man is jerking off! After being in prison, stuck around people for so long of course he wanted a good, private wank. He isn’t looking at anything from what you can tell, no magazines or anything. Must be using his imagination. You wonder what he’s thinking about, if he’s gotten good at that over the years.
You should turn around, slink back into bed, and cover your ears with a pillow so the man can have some privacy. But, fuck, the way he’s grunting. His voice is so fucking deep and sexy and then he lets out a soft, vulnerable moan and you feel heat envelope your whole body. You think you hear a soft fuck roll off his tongue and your heart almost beats right out of your chest. You can hear the lewd slapping of his fist on skin getting louder and more intense. Then you hear a soft take it, fuck. And Jesus, you are so fucking wet between your thighs. You ought to be ashamed. Instead, you reach down your hand feverishly beneath the band of your jeans and soaking underwear instinctively to stroke yourself ever so slightly. You sigh in relief, but you are fucking gushing, your fingers covered in your slick. You can’t see anything besides the back of Joel’s head, technically, so this couldn’t be that wrong, could it? He lets out a soft groan, you can tell he’s holding back so as not to be heard, but the desperation in the pathetic little noises this hulking man is making is turning on every switch inside you. Oh how you want to go over there and take him in your mouth, to taste him. God you are so fucked up! You’re still touching yourself gently, not really fully going at it yet, considering the possibilities that could follow if you went over there. But before you can decide to do anything, Joel positively whines, moans, and grunts fuck, unh, and you think but aren’t sure, babygirl, and finishes.
You stop dead still in what you’re doing. Did he really say “babygirl” or was that just your horny-ass imagination playing tricks on you? You’ve never heard Joel call anyone babygirl except you. Was he really thinking of you? On the one hand, if true, mega fucked up. On the other, wow, incredibly hot. You think about going over there and asking him to finish you off or something as crazy as in all those dumb romance novels you used to read in middle school, but just as quickly as the idea comes to you, you hear another noise: loud snoring. Joel is asleep.
Typical.
You snort to yourself. That was so quintessentially Joel. You don’t want to disturb him now. The moment has passed. And only then is when you remember you have a fucking boyfriend. 
That doesn’t stop you from closing your door softly, crawling back into bed, and reaching your hand down beneath your panties to touch yourself. You stroke your clit, imagining it is Joel’s rough hand rubbing against you. Holy fuck. You haven’t been this wet since you used to touch yourself thinking about him in the past. It’s like he can reach every part of you, every layer in a way that no one else can. You know the whole thing is so fundamentally fucked up, but you can resist sinking into your favorite fantasy. The smell, the touch, the feel of him. You imagine the noises he was making so beautifully on the couch, feel heat coil through your entire body, and immediately cum hard without even sticking a finger inside yourself. 
The pleasure you feel is so unparalleled and real you have to cover your hand with your mouth not to scream out your powerful orgasm. 
Sweat drenches your whole body as you come down. 
God, you are so fucked.
***
The next morning you wake up to the wafting smell of someone cooking eggs. You emerge from your room a little sheepishly from last night’s events to find Joel behind the kitchen counter making eggs and toast. 
“Mornin’, babygirl,” he grins, his eyes shining like he’s excited about something.
And then you realize: that something is you.
You grin back.
“Good morning, Joel,” you beam at him.
You were so afraid things would feel awkward after what you heard last night, but nothing ever feels awkward with Joel. In some ways, he’s still just your average dorky, friendly old ex-stepdad, convicted felon. In other ways, everything about him sets your heart on fire, but it would be stupid to ruin what you have with him because you think it’s remotely possible he might be interested back. You know this is dramatic, but if he flat-out rejected you, you think you might die. Truly. Like those butterflies inside you would beat their wings so hard they’d burst your heart.
“‘Membered you liked ‘em poached,” he nods, breaking you from your thoughts. 
He scoops two poached eggs onto one of your plates and grabs a piece of toast from the toaster which he smears with butter like how you used to eat toast as a kid. You can’t believe he remembered.
“Thanks so much,” you tell him.
He grabs a few eggs and toast for himself and sits beside you at the counter. 
“Nice to be able to cook me ‘n you some real food,” he remarks. “If I eat one more cup o’ noodles in my lifetime I swear to God Almighty…” he trais off.
He’s looking at you like you put the goddamned sun in the sky. Your heart melts as you stare at his features, the faint curls in his hair. Oh, how you want to reach out and touch him. But that just isn’t how you operate. You won’t ruin what you already have.
The butterflies in your chest howl. 
***
` You lay out the day’s schedule to Joel. You have plenty of time to hang about (you see him eyeing the guitars), and then you need to go shopping for some actual clothes for Joel since the things you brought for him don’t constitute a proper wardrobe. Then you will go out to dinner and meet Max. 
Joel grunts a nod at that last part. He doesn’t seem too thrilled.
“Wanna show me what you’ve been playing?” he asks hopefully as he gets up to put both of your plates in the sink,
“‘Course!” you nod enthusiastically. “Max says I need to work on my fingerpicking so I can’t promise it’ll be all that good.”
Joel rolls his eyes.
“Show me what you’ve got.”
***
You sit down on the couch right next to Joel, each of you holding your respective guitars in hand, across your laps. 
Joel looks ecstatic to have his guitar back in his hands. He fiddles with the tuning and finger-picks a faint melody.
“Haven’t played one since the prison band. But then some dumb motherfucker clobbered another sorry son of a bitch to death with a saxophone so that ended our music privileges,” Joel explains. 
“Jeez,” you reply.
Joel is sitting so close you can feel his body heat. You just want to hear him sing, but he insists on hearing you.
“Joel,” you try as innocently as possible. “D’you remember how to do an A-flat? I forget and I need it for my song.”
“Sure, baby. Lemme help ya. Now put one finger on this bit of the 4th fret here,” he begins, snaking a big arm around your shoulders so he can maneuver your fingers to the correct position. 
His touch is electric. He feels so good and warm. You feel the intense urge to climb into his lap and embrace and stay there forever. His big caloused hand full of scars places your fingers correctly for the chord. The same hand that must have jerked himself to completion last night…You can’t help but wonder how much cum there was…The truth is, you know how to make an A-flat. You just wanted to feel him.
He backs away and you whine internally at the loss.
“There we go,” he says soothingly, reaching out to rub your shoulder. “That one can be tricky. Now where is my performance?”
Your nerves are squirming around inside you but you begin to play and sing to the best of your ability. 
You look into Joel’s eyes.
♪“ You've got a heart on fire / It's bursting with desire / You've got a heart filled with passion /  Will you let it burn for hate or compassion?” ♫ you sing. 
Joel watches you intently, sitting up straighter. 
♪ “What's the point with a love / That makes you hate and kill for? ♪
You sing as best and as seriously as you can. You look up and think you maybe see a tear in Joel’s eye.
When you finish, it’s clear Joel is finding it hard to select the right words to convey what he’s feeling. 
“I–” he tries. “That was…well, let me just show you how I can answer that if anyone ever could to a performance as beautiful as that.”
You blush. 
He begins to finger-pick a familiar tune, Instantly, you are transported back to eight years old in the back of Joel’s old pickup truck, listening to one of his many cassette tapes. It’s “I’ll Never Find Another You” by The Seekers. The original version of the song is pretty happy and upbeat, but the way Joel sings it slowly in his deep and weathered voice makes you feel sad and achy inside. The emotion behind his voice is palpable.
♪ “But if I should lose your love, dear / I don't know what I'd do / For I know I'll never find another you / Another you / Another you…” ♫ he trails off.
It’s your turn to tear up a little. It’s crazy to know he means every word he’s singing too. He sings like every word is his last breath. When he finishes you are crying a little.
“You oughta record an album,” you sniffle, leaning into his shoulder, throwing him a side hug.
“Wanted to be a singer,” he replies with a small grin, leaning his head against yours. “Back when I was young.” 
You sit back up straight.
“You did? I never knew that.”
“Don’t tell nobody really,” Joel replies, looking a bit sad you left his immediate proximity. “Just a stupid dream ‘n all that crap.”
“‘S not stupid,” you tell him. “You really have a beautiful voice, Joel. It’s like if I could take it, hold on to it, and keep it forever in my chest pocket next to my heart, I would.”
“That’s where I keep you, baby,” he tells you honestly.
He reaches up a big hand to yours and guides your own to place it right on his heart over his plaid shirt. You can feel it beating steadily below your palm to the rhythm of something as delicate and ferocious as the beating of butterfly wings.
“Right here.”
***
You take Joel shopping. At his insistence it is nothing fancy, just the local department store. That doesn’t stop you from dressing Joel up in ridiculous outfits of your choosing. You make him try on a Hawaiian shirt, some golf polos like your dad liked to wear, a pinstripe suit and he lets you because saying no to you has never been in his vocabulary. He acts grumpy on the outside, but you can tell he is amused. You know in the end, you’ll just end up buying every flannel shirt and jeans combo they have in the store, but it’s just fun anyway. You watch the fabric hug his torso, his tummy, the slight bulge at his waist. At one point he comes out shirtless and you try very hard not to swoon as you stare at the hair lining his chest and his adorable little tummy that you for some reason have the urge to bite. The band of his Hanes boxers sticks up past his jeans and he looks so good. He even lets out a genuine smile. The middle-aged sales attendant who is helping you even takes a good look at him which makes the butterflies inside you swarm possessively. 
Finally, you make him try on a proper white-collared button-down shirt and black dress pants with matching black shoes and he looks so good you’re actually at a loss for words when he asks you what you think. They hug the curves and lines and planes of his body so nicely. All you can do is ask him to put on a black tie to match and he does at your behest following some customary griping that he would never wear such a monkey suit in the first place. The effect that a fully dressed-up Joel has on you is not one to be reckoned with. He might as well be wearing the men’s version of lingerie for how it makes you throb and ache between your legs. He looks like a force of nature, commanding and tall. It makes you weak. All you say is,
“Looking good, old-timer.”
He snorts.
When you finally ditch all the fun clothes and grab the essentials, Joel offers to go pick up the car while you pay. He tries to give you his eight-year-old credit card, but you insist on treating him on the condition he buys the “monkey suit.” After a bit of prodding, he gives in and you go to the sales attendant to pay at the counter. 
“Your dad is really cute,” the sales attendant giggles to you as she rings up the pile of clothes. 
Your cheeks go a bit red. You don’t really care enough to correct her.
“He’s my guy,” is all you say absentmindedly as you fish out your wallet from your purse.
The sales attendant hands you the receipt and on it, you see a scrawled phone number.
“For If he’s single,” she explains. “I’m Barb from sales.”
You look her over. She’s close to Joel’s age and conventionally pretty with long brown hair. The exact kind of woman Joel should be dating should he choose to get back in the game. Your stomach twists and the butterflies howl inside you.
You take the receipt, thank her, and join Joel back in the car (who is more than happy to be driving this time). 
“What took so long?” he asks casually. “You two writing a novel in there?”
You think seriously about what you should do. You consider letting the bugs have their way and tearing the receipt with Barb’s number on it to shreds. But you want good things for Joel. The chance of you two ever being together the way you wish is so far-fetched that you know you shouldn’t even be thinking it. A literal pipe dream. He was your stepdad for christsakes. He literally fucked your mother! (Gross!). Barb is exactly the kind of woman Joel should be going after if he’s up to dating right now. You hand him the receipt begrudgingly. 
“Sales Lady likes you,” you sat flatly. “Name is Barb.”
“Oh,” he says softly like he’s a bit flattered. 
He looks back at her through the glass door of the store and she waves at him. He waves back politely. You feel your stomach twisting into knots. 
“You think…you think you’re gonna call her?” you finally ask as casually as humanly possible, dreading the answer. 
Joel looks over at you, his gaze sweeping over you. Then looks back at Barb through the window. He looks her up and down.
“Nah,” he says with a smirk, looking back at you. “She ain’t my type. Only need one girl in my life right now anyways,” he winks.
Was that Joel flirting? With you?
Regardless, you smile back and then sigh in relief and grin to yourself as you two drive away. 
Much to your satisfaction, Joel crumples up the receipt and throws it out the window for good measure. 
***
You get ready for dinner, to go to a nice Mexican-Japanese fusion restaurant that Max picked out. You wear a red dress that accentuates your figure and matching heels and to your shock, Joel reemerges from the bathroom in the white button-down shirt and black dress pants you picked out for him (you had been sure flannel would be part of his ensemble). God, he looks good. A part of you wants to ditch Max and just stay here with Joel forever. He looks you over, his dark eyes sweeping over your frame. You think there is a tinge of possessiveness in his voice when he says,
“ Christ, you look beautiful, babygirl.”
***
You arrive before Max and sit down at the fancy white table-cloth-covered table next to Joel, a booth facing you. Max finally makes an appearance a half hour late and sits down across from you, sweeping his hair out of his face, sliding into the booth. Joel is frowning and the butterflies beat their wings inside you nervously.
“Sorry I’m late,” Max announces, puffing out his chest a little and smoothing out his collared shirt as he looks down at his watch and then over at Joel. “Hey, baby,” he says to you. Then, “And, uh, nice to meet you. Joe, was it? Heard a lot about you.”
“Joel,” Joel replies flatly, eyeing Max.
Max is a good-looking guy, everyone says so, but he looks more like a little boy than you’ve ever thought as he squirms uneasily in his seat under Joel’s unrelenting gaze and launches into a tirade about his frat’s inter-mural lacrosse team practice and how his team should have totally won the scrimmage and that’s why he’s late. And of course, he was the one to score the most goals.
“And the taxi cab driver was a nightmare. Only spoke Spanish. It’s like, if you come to this country speak fucking English, am I right?”
You notice Joel’s jaw tighten and his fingers clench. 
“Max, that’s so rude!” you tell him, frowning. “We’re at a fucking Mexican restaurant!”
“Anyway,” Max continues, rolling his eyes at the interruption like he barely even heard you, smirking. “Where’d you go to school? What do you do for work, Joel?  Besides making license plates, I mean. Kidding!” he insists as you stare daggers at him. 
Joel leans forward ever so slightly but you slip your leg over his to hold him back and he calms down a fraction. It’s like when you touch him, everything tense in him melts away. 
Joel sits up straighter in his chair and looks at you, stretching his arm across the back of your seat protectively like it’s a casual thing and not an unconscious sign of possessiveness.
“I’m a mechanic,” he grunts unceremoniously to Max. “I mean, I was anyways…Didn’t go to school.”
Max frowns ever so slightly. 
“You didn’t go to college? You must’ve gone to trade school at least?”
“Nope. Picked up what I know over the years. Not everyone gets a free ride from their parents,” Joel smirks.
“Free ride?” Max snaps. “I’ll have you know I spend every summer interning at a law firm!”
“Yeah, your dad’s,” you can’t help but snicker.
Max’s cheeks turn a bit pink.
“At least I’m not a psych major,” he shoots back. “I mean, no offense, babe!”
“What’s wrong with psychology?” Joel snarls, his eyes darkening. “You ought to be proud to have such a thoughtful and intelligent girl like Y/N studying such a topic.”
It’s your turn for your cheeks to go pink. 
“Joel–”
“Who said I wasn’t?” Max sneers. 
That makes you feel a bit better. 
“I’m just saying, she could have inherited the second-best law firm in the tri-state area from her pops if she was pre-law like me,” he smirks.
Your smile fades, used to hearing this kind of shit from him. He knows you and your father don’t get along at all, but not the full extent of it. He also knows you don’t have an interest in pre-law. But you swallow down how you really feel.
“It’s fine, Joel,” you tell him, placing a hand down on his thigh.
It’s not that you enjoy the way Max has been talking to you, but you are so used to it from the men in your life that it feels like the common denominator must be you. And sometimes it feels like maybe they have some kind of point. And fighting back only makes things worse. You’ve learned that over the years the hard way.
“It’s not fine!” he snaps like he’s trying to get you to see sense, looking deeply insulted on your behalf. Your heart thunders in your chest. “This boy has never worked an honest day in his life and he’s telling you what you ought to be doing? Bet his hands are soft as a baby’s ass. He doesn’t know shit about you, babygirl.”
You may not know the hardship of labor that Joel has taken on in his life, but your hands are not smooth. They are full of scars. And Joel is right. Max’s are soft like silk. You look down at the most prominent, ugly scar on your middle finger. You don’t even know which man in your life gave it to you. But you do know it means something. Shows you survived something. Survived your stupid father too, not that Max seems to care.
But Max never loses. 
“Whatever,” he smirks dismissively. “Sorry I’m not some, like, common blue-collar worker. But I guess I should be taking advice from someone who became a fucking convicted felon ‘cause they drank too much one night,” he shrugs with a terrible sneer.  
You know it’s over then.
But Joel surprises you. Doesn’t immediately strangle Max like you thought he might. Simply stands up tall and silent over Max’s frame which has suddenly begun to shake ever so slightly in obvious fear, his blue eyes widening. Joel’s fists are clenched tightly at his sides. 
“Wouldn’t mind them sendin’ me right back in, ” Joel growls low. “Drunk or not.”
You shiver and Max positively cowers. 
“Got something to say? Don’t wanna take it outside?” Joel leers, smirking ever so slightly at the trembling boy before him. “I’d even let a little boy like you take the first swing.”
“Your stepdad’s a freak, Y/N,” Max stammers, not taking his eyes off of Joel. 
“Joel, it’s fine, okay?” you growl, not wanting him to actually hurt your boyfriend. Let alone in public! “Shouldn’t talk about Joel like that though, Max! Jesus!”
“Babe, I’m sorry, okay?” Max tries, eyeing back and forth between you and Joel. “I’m just trying to look out for you. I don’t get what you see in him with a real Dad like yours! Your dad has so much to give you!”
Look out for you? So much to give you? What could he possibly give besides a stupid law firm and two black eyes? 
Max looks a bit desperate. Him apologizing for anything is actually a new concept for you. Your heart twitches ever so slightly. He must actually like you a lot. But Joel would never do anything to hurt you if it was in his power. At least not intentionally, unlike your real father. 
“That’s it. I’m leaving,” Joel snarls moodily, turning around. “Don’t want to do things I might regret to Mr.Future-Corporate-Lawyer over here. Have fun with him .”
Joel looks deeply hurt. Like you are choosing Max over him or something. That’s never what this has been about, has it? Doesn’t Joel know you’d do anything for him? That the hurt on his face hurts you more than anything you’ve ever felt. Ever.
“Joel, wait!” you decide and disappear after him, leaving Max behind at the table.
“Babe, what the fuck!?” Max yells, but you don’t care. “Come back here!”
***
You ride back in silence, Joel’s hands turning white against his grip on the steering wheel. 
When you break through to the front door of your apartment, Joel finally snaps, the anger on his face directed at something that feels like you for the first time in your life.
“You really love that little son of a bitch, don’t you?” he sneers, uncharacteristically harshly towards you. 
“So what if I did?” you shoot back, a little shocked. “It’s none of your business, Joel. What the fuck?”
“It is so my business,” he snaps back. “That kid is no good for you, Y/N. He doesn’t understand you. You deserve someone much better than that who will actually go to the ends of the earth for you. He wouldn’t do anything for you.”
There is a desperation and vulnerability in Joel’s words and tone that you’re not sure you’ve heard before. He sounds like he had been waiting the whole car ride to say this, maybe even his whole life. You aren’t sure.
“Max does give a shit about me,” you try to convince yourself, getting angrier. “I mean at least he was there for me while you were gone.”
Joel flinches.
“How do you know what’s so good for me and what’s not when you dipped out of my life for eight years?” you continue harshly. “Because why? It wasn’t because you were drunk, was it? It was because you couldn’t control your anger. You never could.”
He stares at you.
“I controlled it for you,” Joel says so quietly you almost miss it. “ You are the only reason I did any of it.”
“What?” you stammer, not sure you want to hear more. “W-what do you mean, Joel? Any of what?”
A million thoughts begin to run through your mind, but you push them aside. Theories about the case and your ideas of Joel’s true nature all threaten to drown you but you push them away.
“Do you want to know why I really killed that sick son of a bitch?” Joel asks dangerously after a long moment of silence. You stare at him, your body frozen. He looks down at his hands, flexing them like he can still feel them punching or around that disgusting man’s throat. “Why I killed him all those years ago? It was no accident, I’ll give you that. Manslaughter, my ass. I killed that scum of the Earth because he threatened you . To do terrible things to you with those disgusting hands of his. So I broke each one, but it wasn’t enough. I killed him because I didn’t want you to get hurt and because I didn’t want you to live in fear of him. I was tired, Y/N. Tired of being afraid for you in a world that doesn’t let you do shit except fight back. I loved you so much, Y/N, it hurt me. It scared me, but I couldn’t let him hurt you. I’d die before I let anyone hurt you again, not him, not your father, not Max, not anyone. You have to understand. I love –” 
And then it’s all over. You’re not sure who moves first, but you think it might be you. The butterflies are rustling and thundering and screeching inside you and you kiss him. And Joel kisses back, devouring your mouth in his. You grab the back of his graying brown hair and pull him as close to you as you think is humanly possible. He cradles the back of your head so gently you almost lose your breath. And you are kissing and kissing and kissing and kissing. There is nothing else in the universe except this kiss. You have never felt anything like this in your life. It is like every butterfly inside you has gone silent. It is like the world has stopped just for you and something new is forming inside you.
Joel killed that vile man for you. To keep you safe. Like he always said or showed that he would. He gave his life away for you. He did the unspeakable for you.
He bites down on your bottom lip and all your brain can manage to coherently think is: more, harder .
But then Joel is breaking away from you slowly.
NO! your heart cries out, the delicious pleasure and pain draining away from you. The butterflies swarm dangerously inside your chest, worse with every inch he travels from your lips.
“Joel,” you whine. “What? You…you don’t want–”
“Don’t even say that, Y/N,” he growls dangerously. “Of course I want you. How could I not? I have spent my entire life wanting you in some capacity, baby, but I ain’t no good for you either, alright? I…” he says slowly like it takes every inch of his body to agree to say this. “I am not a good man, Y/N. I never have been. I’ve done wrong in every chapter of my life. You deserve someone much better. I don’t want to hurt you. Physically or mentally. Our history… The damage I’ve done…” he trails off.
“You don’t understand,” you swallow, tears forming in your eyes. “You have already loved and hurt me more than any human being on planet Earth. And yet somehow there is nothing you could do that would keep me away from you, don’t you get that? The Joel Miller I love is not a good man and I don’t care. I want all of you. All of the pretty and crooked pieces you try to hide away from me. You killed a man with your bare hands, arguably one of the worst things a human can do, and I don’t care. I still want you, Joel. Maybe even more because of it. No one has ever loved me the way you do and that is the love I want and it terrifies me.”
A single tear falls down Joel’s right cheek. You reach up to wipe it away, but Joel grabs your hand on the way reflexively, so you help him wipe his own tears away. 
“I love you,” you whisper.
“I would move the Earth for you,” Joel whispers back.
“I know,” you nod. “I’ve always known. I–”
But he is kissing you again before you can say another word, like a man starved. You hold onto his cheeks, your fingers caressing his stubbly beard. 
“ Joel,” you whine when you break for air.
“I wanted this so badly,” he says softly, grinning a lopsided grin. “Can’t believe this is real.”
“Me too,” you giggle.
You have to lean up a bit, but you press your forehead to his gently.
“Oh, baby,” Joel smirks. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive, ya know that? You like
it when I go a little rough, honey?” he smirks down at you in satisfaction, reading your mind.
You have to stop yourself from getting lost in the warm pools of his brown eyes, your panties soaked.
He reaches an affectionate hand down to rub your side softly.
“This okay, babygirl?” he coos, massaging his hand down your torso.
“I’d let you do anything to me, don’t you know?” you snicker. “Pain or pleasure, it’s all the same to me. I like all of that. I just want you so bad.”
“Think a safe word is in order,” Joel grins, leaning down to kiss your neck. “How about ‘butterflies?’” you suggest. 
“Sounds good to me, baby,” he grins, looking genuinely happy for the first time in hours. 
He leans down and places a calloused hand around your throat, not squeezing (yet – you hope) and plants soft kisses and bites down your expanse of skin. 
“All mine,” he mutters into your skin. “My beautiful babygirl.”
You feel his erection pressing against you through his black dress pants which makes you moan softly.
His hand trails over your crotch and he starts rubbing over the tight fabric of your red dress.
“That okay?”
“Yes,” you whine. “Want more, Daddy.”
Oh shit. You don’t mean to say it like that! You know it is about ten levels of fucked up to call Joel that, but how is it your fault that in every fantasy that’s how you think of him? You figure you’re probably past the point of weird and every other standard of decency, but you’re still afraid.
“Sorry…” you mumble. “I–”
“No, no, baby,” Joel says quickly. “It’s alright, you can call me whatever you want. I don’t mind, sweetheart.”
“You think it’s weird,” you mumble again, further stupid tears forming in your eyes.
He snickers. 
“Baby, I think we’re beyond weird at this point. Let me show you how turned on it makes me.”
Joel takes your hand and places it on his crotch. He takes your left hand, the one with the scar and you cringe a little, but he is rock-hard.
That’s good because you’re positively drenched.
“You’re okay, sweetheart. Daddy likes that more than you know, alright?”
You take your hand back, smiling, but you cover your scarred finger, shocked he will allow this fantasy for you.
“Whatcha hidin’ from me, baby?” he asks, noticing the positioning of your hands.
“I hate that scar on my finger. ‘S so ugly,” you admit.
Joel looks flabbergasted. 
“That’s the last damn thing I think of when I look at you. Ugly? Who in the fuck told you that?”
“How it got there is ugly. It’s marred skin, looks gross,” you mumble.
Joel moves to take out his cock, and when you nod he unzips and unbuttons his dress pants, pulling out his length. You have fantasized about his cock for god knows how long so you are more than excited to see it. He reaches to place your left hand with the scarred fingers around the length of his dick, which is thick, but longer than you expected. The leaking head is almost purple and your mouth begins to water as you stroke him gently.
“It’s part of you,” Joel tells you, his eyes connecting with yours. “I love it. It shows you survived. Gonna jerk off to it, Daddy loves it so much. And when I’m done you’re gonna love it too. Swear I’ve got so many over the years I can barely even count ‘em. Even got a few on my middle finger. Maybe even one from a certain guitar pick you made me. Nothing like that could ever make me stop wanting you, ya know that, right?”
You smile and take your time stroking him, wanting to show him how much you love and care for him, scars and all.
He grunts softly, closing his eyes, but then shoos your hand away with a feverish kind of want. 
“Yeah, touch yourself now, baby. Daddy wants to see how wet you are for him. With that scarred finger. C’mon, now. ‘S gonna make you feel so good.”
You do as you’re told and reach down underneath your dress and begin to touch yourself, especially with your middle finger. You stroke your clit and then your dripping wet slit. You moan softly as Joel’s eyes rake over you, taking in every sigh and groan you emit. The butterflies are forming something big inside you, which presses against the inside of your tummy and ribcage.
“Daddy,” you whine.
“Enough, little one,” Joel whispers. 
He takes out your hand and begins to suck the slick off of each of your fingers, groaning deeply, making intense eye contact the whole time.
“Fuck, angel,” he moans, having a tough time keeping himself together, you can tell. “Taste and smell better than like how I pictured. Like you were fuckin’ made for me, I swear.”
He reaches a hand of his own down to stroke himself and his moans become more desperate. Finally, he sucks on your middle finger covered in your slick and groans so deeply you feel like you might cum untouched. He stares into your eyes. 
“ Mine, ” he growls possessively. “Oh, shit! Gonna–”
Then he takes your left hand and leads it to meet his throbbing cock. You stroke him, harder this time, fisting his thick length, moaning softly and that does it for him.
Joel cums all over your hand, oozing white globs of cum over your fingers, once, twice, three times. 
“Fuuuuuck, babygirl,” he groans. “Oh, shit, I’m so sorry! Couldn’t help it. Yeah, suck it off, baby. That’s it,” he commands, and you do, licking up all of his cum, even the part that got on your middle finger. 
When Joel comes down he still looks half-crazed with desire.
“Sorry about the, uh, early release. It’s been a while since anyone touched me,” he babbles in embarrassment, his cheeks flushed pink. “But I don’t wanna hear shit about your gorgeous hands ever again, you hear me, babygirl?”
“Yes, Daddy,” you nod, snickering. 
He looks like that one word has set his entire universe back in order again. You honestly don’t care at how fast Joel came. You love how much it shows he wants you. And his heady taste is making you weak. You could taste him for days and days and never get tired, you’re sure.
“Can still get you off though, don’t worry. Shoulda let you cum first, but I couldn’t help it with the things you do to me. Goddamn. Can Daddy eat your pussy, baby?”
You grin, but then your face falls. 
“Didn’t shave,” you admit, feeling dirty. 
Max hates your hair down there.
Joel looks at you in confusion.
He laughs, his face scrunching up.
“Oh, sweetheart. You think I care about that? Only little boys give a shit about things like that. Not men.”
You shiver.
“Really?”
“Of course I don’t care. Didn’t ya hear what I just said? C’mon now. You can lie down on the couch.”
You follow instructions, pulling your dress over your head to reveal white lace panties and no bra. 
You move to take the panties off, but Joel stops you, staring at the lines and curves of your body. 
“Jesus, fuck,” he growls, taking you in.
You think you see his cock twitch ever so slightly. He palms his softening length instinctively.
“Beautiful,” he snarls, pushing you back on the sofa. 
You happily fall backward. 
He lies on top of you, his white button-down shirt pressing against your naked body tantalizingly. 
He bites your lips roughly and you groan against him.
“Daddy’s mouth,” he commands against you.
“Yeah, duh, Daddy,” you snicker.
As if he even needs to say it! 
He kisses down your neck expertly and you begin to shiver and whine, your pussy aching with need and neglect.
He stops at your breasts, sucking and biting each one.
“Daddy’s tits,” he declares, snaking a finger over the lace panties that protect your clit. “Of course,” you respond, moaning softly, grinding needily against him.
He continues lower, licking down your breasts and over your tummy which he plants with kisses that tickle and then one hard bite on your hip that leaves behind teeth marks.
“Daddy’s body,” he impresses upon you.
“Yes, Daddy. Only yours.”
“No more of that little shithead, Max,” he snarls, an inch above your clit.
“No more Max,” you repeat as he presses kisses down your pussy, still covered by soaked white lace panties. 
“Only Daddy.”
“Only you.”
“Good girl,” he growls.
He finally removes your panties and begins to eat and suck your clit and pussy so hard and enthusiastically, swirling his tongue around your bundles of nerves that you grow exponentially closer by the second.
“Joel,” you whine. “Oh my God.”
It doesn’t take long. The second his calloused hand is pressing a finger and then two inside of you it’s over. You were so needy for him that you could have even cum from just his mouth alone, but his hands are what send you over the edge. And something different happens as orgasm crashes down upon you. The butterflies all join together and transform into something bigger and softer, caressing your insides, cooing. It feels like a breathing white dove is spreading its wings inside you, the tips of its feathers brushing against your rib cage. And you cum harder than you ever have in your life. 
Pleasure engulfs you in currents, facilitated by the gentle flapping from deep
inside your body.
“ Joel,” you moan. “Oh my God. Daddy, pleaseee–”
“Please what, baby? Make my princess cum again? I would eat that pretty little clit and
pussy every day for the rest of my life if I could, fuck. God, so perfect and you’re so fuckin’ tight. Look how fucking hard you make me, angel.”
He takes one of your hands and places it on his half-hardening cock. Not going to lie, you are partially shocked at his recovery, but another part of you seems to know that if there was anyone in the universe that could do that to him it had to be you. 
“Never got hard again from anyone I’ve ever fucked before…” he trails off dreamily like he can read your thoughts. “You’re so gorgeous, babygirl.”
“Not so bad yourself, handsome,” you tell him lazily, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth as you pull him closer to you. 
The heat from his body keeps you so warm and tender and for a moment you lie on the couch, Joel’s still-clothed body pressed to yours.
“Can you fuck me, Joel?” you ask, squirming against him needily.
“You can’t say that shit to me, baby,” Joel groans, his cock getting harder. “Not quite ready yet.”
“Lemme help you out,” you offer, pouting. 
You reach down and stroke his half-hard length and then bend over and press a gentle kiss to the tip of his cock.
Joel swears, staring down at you with so much adoration it pours off his face. No man has ever looked at you like that before. You’re certain. Perhaps no man ever will again? Not like that.
“Shit, baby,” Joel babbles stupidly, his eyes threatening to swallow you up in that beautiful shade of umber. “Never gonna forget this moment,” he grunts as you begin to suck his cock properly, feeling it slowly get hard enough to throb between your lips with each thrust of your head and gluck of your throat. 
You stare up at him, your eyes wide and wanting and Joel lets out a soft, vulnerable moan as you begin to really suck him and take him down the walls of your throat.
“ Unh , babygirl, fuck,” he whines and you have never quite heard Joel so desperate before. “Gotta pull out or I’m gonna cum. Holy fuck.” 
It sounds just like it did the night you accidentally spied on him jerking off. 
“You’ve been thinking about me a lot, huh, Daddy?” you ask, releasing Joel from your mouth like he wanted, though his hips buck forward ever so slightly with desire, the tip of his cock just barely scraping against your mouth. He grunts.
“Maybe so,” he replies, looking a little guilty. “Don’t know how not to these days.”
“Heard you on the couch last night,” you whine yourself. “Had to touch myself ‘cuz of it, Daddy. I’m sorry.”
Joel reaches out a hand to cup your crotch and rub against your slick pussy.
“That’s so fuckin’ naughty, baby,” he groans. “Look how wet that made you. All for me.”
You steal a glance at his cock and find that the tip is weeping too. And he is so fucking big compared to the size of your hand. Fuck!
“You were thinking about me, weren’t you?” you whisper.
“All about you, baby,” Joel nods in agreement, his hips twitching ever so slightly. “‘Bout touching you just like this.”
He slinks two big fingers inside you and you moan deliciously, the feathery wings of the newly-formed dove fluttering against your insides. 
“Gotta stretch you a bit more,” he grunts into your throat, pushing in a third finger. “Daddy’s so big and you’re so tight, angel. Don’t wanna hurt ya. Not too bad at least. Not yet…That’s it, pretty girl, fuck,” he grins when you slide back on his thumb in pleasure which had traveled to the rim of your asshole “Good girl, so good for Daddy. So naughty too. Don’t think Daddy won’t punish you.”
“Want you to hurt me, Daddy,” you moan. “When you fuck me. Please fuck me hard. I want all of you – pain and pleasure. One hundred percent Joel. Joel, please, I need–” 
And Joel does stop for a moment.
“Never hurt you in a way you didn’t beg for,” he tells you seriously. “You know that right, baby?”
You stop your rutting against him and look into his eyes.
“Are you kidding? You would protect me with your dying breath. I know that, Joel. Never been afraid of you since I’ve really known you. Not once. I mean: fuck; you gave up your whole life for me. To keep me safe, for fuckssake. In every word you say and don’t say to me I can feel how much you love me.”
 “I do love you so much, babygirl,” he whispers, nuzzling your forehead. “If I had to, I’d do all of it all over again if it meant I’d get you. I’ve made mistakes, big ones, but protecting you, loving you was never one of them.” 
Warm tears trail down your cheeks, but Joel licks and kisses them away. 
“Wanna feel me inside you?” he asks. “Don’t wanna go too fast, but I need you, baby. Needed you for so long…Sweet little pussy’s just cryin’ for Daddy, huh? Gonna fit me just like a glove, I just know it — if you wanna…”
“Yes, please, fuck me, Daddy! Please, Joel Wanna feel you—ah!” you moan as Joel shoves his entire length into your pussy in one hard thrust eagerly. “Oh my God, please fuck me harder!” you moan, reeling from the deep blend of pain and pleasure of him sinking inside you, clenching down around the thickness of him. “Joel, please!”
He pauses, sweat glistening on his brow, sneering.
“You really want harder?”
You shiver. The way he says that makes your heart beat wildly in your ears.
“Because babygirl, I would treat you like porcelain if you want it so. I will never hurt you, my angel, my gift from god, my goddamn sweetest heart please know I will break my fucking hands before they would hurt you, before I would ever hurt you in a way that you didn’t want, no matter how much it hurt me. Do you understand me?”
“Of course, Joel. But you want it too,” you smirk. “You aren’t innocent in this, are you?”
“Fuck, of course i’m not innocent. I want you, babygirl. In every way there is to want another. Want every inch of you, inside and out. Wanna mark you up so the world knows you’re mine, honey. Want everyone to smell me on you and know I marked you, moved in you, darlin’, please, see, I’m no fucking Hemingway, I didn’t go to college, I’m not like you with words, but I need you to understand that I mean this with my whole chest and heart. Really, I’m not a big talker, never was, babygirl, but I need you to understand I—”
  “I do, you dumbass fucking fool!” you shout, giggling at his desperation. “I’d understand you even if you were speaking another language. You’ve made your intentions loud and clear. I don’t want a Hemingway, I want Joel Miller!”
You pull him in for a kiss and he thrusts in you again a second time and you end up moaning clumsily in his mouth, but you can feel him smiling , smiling like some dumb idiot against you and maybe you called him the correct insult because he is a dumbass fucking fool for you. And it turns out you must be one as well because you are smiling like an idiot for him too.
“ Joel,” you moan as he begins to move inside you, hitting deep places that Max or any of your previous exes never went. Pleasure is tracing itself along the line of your stomach. “Oh my god, I love you so much,” you babble and you’ve never meant that more than you do now.
You can feel Joel coming apart above you, plowing into you, sighing deeply. His grunts and moans and thrusts spur on the intense pleasure. 
“More!” you moan. “Oh my god. Harder, please, I need–”
Joel plants rough bites on your neck and kisses too like he’s trying to consume every inch of you. 
He places a large hand around your throat questioningly and you nod.
“Beg for it,” he commands in his deep, sexy voice — the voice that’s been in every wet dream you’ve ever had. You think you might just pass out from the sound alone. 
“Choke me, Daddy,” you whine as pathetically as you possibly can, batting your eyes. “Oh, please, I could cum from just this, but I want more. More of you. All of you.”
“As you fuckin’ wish, baby,” he snickers in amusement. “Bet no little boy ever fucked you like this, huh?” he growls, continuing his rough pace, slamming against your walls, his eyes growing wild.
“They don’t compare to you, Joel. It’s always been you. In every orgasm. Fuck, never felt like this! Shit! Shit!”
Joel reaches out his large scarred hand and applies gentle delicious pressure to your throat. You know even something like this can be dangerous, but you crave that feral look of violence in his eyes and the power that comes with it. You want him to own you completely – every inch of you. You want him to mark you just like he said he wanted to because he is yours and you are his and has it ever really been any other way? You can’t remember properly from the pleasure rushing through you, the white dove inside you spreading and fluttering its wings, cooing softly. You think it’s only ever been what you feel now.
“Joel, Joel, fuck!” you scream, orgasm building in you.
“I know, babygirl. I know,” he coos himself into your mouth.
He pulls you closer, presses his nose to yours, his lips to yours, biting and kissing like a starving man possessed. He looks into your eyes and it’s there! That look of pure predator closing in on its prey, that look of ownership but also the most intense love you think you’ve ever witnessed. You would recognize that look anywhere. Your starved brain cries out for oxygen beneath his iron grip. 
“Gonna cum again, angel,” Joel growls. “Gonna make you cum so hard you’re never gonna forget who you belong to. Whose pretty pussy this is.”
He is pounding so hard against your cervix and his dick is so big inside you and the pressure of his hand squeezing around you is so overwhelming and the scent of him could make you faint straight then and there, but you let go and feel yourself cumming in enormous waves as you squeeze down around Joel’s prick, the pleasure more intense than any single bodily experience you’ve had.
“ Daddy ,” you whine breathlessly, tears trickling out of your eyes. “Oh my god!”
“You’re mine, babygirl, always have been–FUCK!” he shouts into your throat, collapsing on top of you.
And then you feel him starting to empty himself inside you, painting your sensitive insides with trustful after trustful of hot cum. You’ve never felt so helplessly full and sticky in your life, the brilliant pleasure billowing through every inch of you. You want to feel like this every day, stuffed full of Joel’s cock, so close to him you can feel his heartbeat against yours, the one true place you belong. 
“So beautiful, babygirl,” he whispers in an exhausted type of awe.
When your words come back you reply,
“Shut up, you’re the hot one,” through a snicker. 
You look down at your body, covered in purple bite marks and bruises forming like galaxies across your body. 
Joel snorts. Then he sits up on the couch and you lean your cheek against him. You lean up to kiss his cheek and he blushes ever so slightly.
“I said a lot of stuff, Y/N, but I want you to know that I meant all of it,”
“Yeah, you probably said more in the last hour than you’ve ever uttered in your entire life,” you tease, sitting up.
“I’m serious,” he snickers.
“I am and was too,” you nod. “I’m so glad that you’re here with me — that we did this. I know that our…origin story is weird and unconventional and some might argue straight up wrong, but I need you, Joel. I don’t care about that or think I could go back to pretending to be what we were.”
“You think I’d want you to act like that?” he asks incredulously. “You think I want this to just be a one-time thing?”
“Of course not,” you smirk. “But as close as we are I can’t actually read your mind. I mean…how are we going to be together realistically?”
“I’m not sure,” Joel admits, frowning a little. “For now it has to be a secret unless you want your mother or brother in jail for murdering me this time around. But someday, I dunno. It’s dumb…”
“What?”
“I just have these thoughts sometimes about you ‘n me. I…” Joel’s cheeks turn a bit pink. “Had a lot of time to think in prison, you know? And I’d Imagine us living on a ranch somewhere quiet out in the country with a flock of sheep. I could work at the tractor and auto-body repair shop that’d be out there, you know, in this dream of mine, and you could be a counselor at a local school if that’s what ya wanted. I don’t know, l know it sounds silly, but nobody would know or bother us there. But I want you to finish school and have the best life possible, babygirl. I’d wait a thousand years for you, but if you didn’t want me anymore the way we are now, I’d respect that. And if you’d allow it, I’d still be there for you just in a platonic sense — or just there for you however you want because I can’t imagine my life with you in it. I’d do whatever it takes, brokenhearted or not. I just can’t be separated from you like that again. A day longer in prison and I could’ve keeled over and died. And it’s crazy how much I mean that.”
“I don’t ever want to be separated from you again, Joel,” you agree. “I know the original plan was for you to find work and get an apartment of your own and I would love for that to still happen, but with you being intimate with me in every way – even if it has to be a secret. I don’t pretend to know what the future holds, but I need you in mine. I’ve never needed something more than I need that. Understand?”
Joel pulls you into a hug and leans his chin on the top of your head. He kisses it then your forehead. You lean up and plant a kiss on his throat and then his Adam’s apple.
“Don’t mean to get too ahead of ourselves now. We can take things a day at a time,” he mumbles into your skin.
You yawn contentedly, the tiredness clawing at your eyes, so unbelievably spent.  
“I like hearing about your dreams and I’d go anywhere with you, Joel. But I am kinda dead from how good you just fucked me. Take me to bed?” You ask exhaustedly into his chest.
“Of course, babygirl,” he smirks down at you.
***
You don’t let go of Joel all night long, burrowed up against his chest, his heartbeat against your ear. And he doesn’t let go of you either. After the most intimate night of cuddles and snuggling you’ve ever experienced as well as the deepest and most restful sleep you’ve had in ages, you wake up to Joel gone from the bed. You frown, having wanted more than anything to wake up in his strong arms. Fear grips your insides as you wonder if he finally realized last night was a mistake and that you were never meant to be together in the first place (what you fear more than anything). A stupid vulnerable tear comes to your eye, but then you cock your head and hear music playing. Guitar music. 
You think of your apartment as shitty, but truthfully you care deeply about your little private space and one of the things you do actually love the most about it is the tiny balcony that overlooks a measly courtyard and part of the city. That’s where you find Joel in the deck chair holding his guitar, strumming it lazily.
“Mornin’, beautiful,” he says, fingerpicking a melody that scratches at the back of your mind with familiarity. 
“Morning, handsome,” you tell him softly, plopping your smaller hand down on his shoulder. 
The city hasn’t woken up yet, the soft glow of morning shining beams of light onto you and Joel, filling you with warmth. You sit down in the deck chair next to him, bathing in the sunlight.
“Whatcha playing?” you ask curiously, crouching to sit up on your knees.
“You know the song ‘Hallelujah’ by Leonard Cohen?” Joel asks in that beautifully deep voice of his. 
He isn’t even singing yet but you could listen to him forever. 
“‘Course,” you nod. “It’s a classic. You used to play it for me once in a blue moon.”
“Know what the word ‘Hallelujah’ actually means?” he asks. 
You think about it for a second.
“It’s about praising god and all that, right? Why d’you ask?”
He pauses, both his words and fingerpicking. 
“Babygirl,” he begins and you can tell he’s about to say something serious. “You know I’m not too good with words, but I need you to know this: I’ve never had much to thank god for in my life, except for Sarah, you know? But then He took her away…”
You place your hand on Joel’s and he looks at you sadly, but appreciatively. He flips it over and holds it in his giant paw of his own marked-up hand. 
“And I was so fucking angry. Nothing left in me. The only good part of me gone. I was a broken man. And I hated Him. But then He, despite the shit I’ve done…He gave me you . And I know our road hasn’t been easy or fair, and the pain you’ve felt and I have felt but…I guess what I’m trying to say is you are the reason I believe that any type of…goodness— of holiness— can exist in this universe. And I’m not a religious man, I don’t believe in most of that dogmatic type of shit, and I don’t think you do either, but I do think someone or something is up there and I wanna thank them for you. Does that make sense? Do you wanna hear what I mean? I just feel so damn grateful.”
A tear you hadn’t noticed was there rolls down your cheek. 
“Of course it does and of course I do,” you tell him.
You think perhaps this is the closest thing he can do to bearing his soul to you. 
And then he leans over and kisses the tear away and begins to fingerpick the familiar melody.
♪ “I heard there was a secret chord…”♫
You listen to his deep weathered voice as the sun grows higher in the morning sky, casting both light and shadow over Joel’s wrinkled, handsome face. The light trails over you too. You feel the dove inside you cooing contentedly, dusting its wings gently against the edges of your insides. 
♪There's a blaze of light in every word / It doesn't matter which you heard / The holy or the broken Hallelujah…”♫
When he finishes he places his large, scarred, calloused hand in yours and you hold it between your own scarred fingers.
“Thank you, Joel,” you tell him, meaning every word. “I think there’s hope for us, you know? I don’t believe in hippie-dippie type stuff, but something in this universe did bring us together. And I’ll be forever grateful for that too, ya know?”
Joel squeezes your smaller hand, his big fingers engulfing yours as the dove coos louder inside you.
“Babygirl, you know that I ain’t a good man, or a rich and educated one like maybe you thought you’d end up with, but I am less of a broken one because of you and I’m never letting you go. If we’re together, I think we have a chance.”
A/n:PLEASE COMMENT LIKE REBLOG IM BEGGING IM PLEADING IM CRYING DID THE SMUT LIVE UP TO YOUR DREAMS????
PART 1
PART 3 (coming soon)
Violent Heart Masterlist
Full Masterlist of all my work
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cdbabymp3 · 2 months
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need hamzah HEADcannons... like giving and receiving. weve discussed him holding hands but think abt him being soooo nervous the first few times he goes down on reader. i also think he would be one of those guys that keeps count of how many times u cum so he knows he's satisfying u. also i feel like after a few months in the relationship when he's receiving and he gets comfortable he kinda becomes a headpusher :P
𐙚HEADcannons ― hamzahthefantastic
notes/warnings: nsfw !! hamzah giving and receiving head :3 (lord save me) sorry it took me so long to get to this request angel !!
nervous asf to post this for some reason, pls be nice
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giving
-yeah ... this boy holds his breath he's so damn nervous the first two or three times god bless him 😭
-he's a smart guy though so it doesn't take long for him to figure out your body and what you like/don't like
-being a pragmatic person, he experiments with different angles, speeds, roughness and takes a mental note of how vocal they make you and how much your squirm with pleasure
-he's a big kisser when he eats you out ?? idk i have such a clear image of him literally making out with your heat (the cake video....) and giving your clit a sweet kiss even when you're sensitive from cumming
-speaking of kissing, i know damn well this boy is dragging out the foreplay as long as humanly possibly. he's a tease, whether he's aware of it or not SO he'll kiss your inner thighs and bite them 💝
-he's a munch, i will die on this hill. i know those sexy plump lips are put to good use on you
-when words aren't enough during an argument or you're sad/stressed, he will literally offer to eat you out (but he still gets shy abt it, so cute)
"i'm sorry, baby. i can make you feel better if you want...?"
"mm? how so?" you tease him, knowing what he's trying to say
he'll blush so baddddd
"i-uh- if you want, i can...y'know?"
-big believer that he holds your legs/hips down if you jut them up while he's working on you
-he'll do that slutty tongue click if you start to buck your hips eagerly and be like "nah, i got it baby, just relax" 😵‍💫
-LOVES when you grab onto his hair and pull it ... the way your fingers rake through his curls and tug them encourages him like crazyyyy
-he's a bit messy with it if ykwim... very sloppy and wet
-will not stop until your legs are shaking, like you will have to PRY him off of you
-lowkey surprises himself the first time your legs tremble. also kind freaks him out lmao he can be so clueless i love him
"holy fuck.... that's a good thing right? "
-likes to overstim!! not so much for the kink of it, more so for his own self confidence to make sure he's making you feel good 🙁 because of this, he'll count how many times he can make you cum before you get too sensitive. he's a bit of an overcompensater but you’re not complaining
-he's so pussy whipped bye
-geuinely craves you on the mf daily and it will come out of NOWHERE
-he could be editing a new vid and suddenly have this insane urge to be between your thighs and taste you
receiving
-WHIMPERER AND CRIER 1000000%
-ik yall know what i'm talking abt bc there have been times in vids where i swear i've heard him whimper from a jumpscare
-he gets so submissive when receiving oh lordddd
-he'll beg you all pathetic and does not give a fuck
"fuck, y/n, please keep going, please, please, oh fuckk please"
-his voice will crack too and it's adorable
-if you gag easily me he makes sure to stagger how much of him you take
-he would love if you could take all of him, but he never wants you to feel uncomfortable or like you have to
-head pusher :3 not until later in your relationship but when the time comes and you’re both comfortable, he’ll have his fingers through your hair, carefully guiding your head back and forth
-likes to cup the side of your face while your work on him, especially if he’s feeling extra intimate that day
-PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE 🔊 likes to receive it but gives a lot of it as well
“so good, sweetheart”
“like that, baby-fuck mhm”
-he’s nearly been in tears from being so touch starved and finally getting head 🤕 it's so pretty when his eyes are all glassy and half-lidded
-you have to make sure he’s still breathing sometimes bc he’s so overwhelmed with stimulation that he’ll go nonverbal lmfao
-screws his eyes tightly shut almost the whole time, if they’re not closed he’s making the most submissive eye contact with you, watching your every move
-sometimes he has to hold onto something else or sit down bc his legs get so weak
-no matter how many times he gets head, he always acts likes it's the first time
-he’s at your mercy fr 🎀
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໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა taglist ; @forevergirlposts , @junebugin-july , @itgirlvirgo , @sie17136 , @1312006 , @kingvioleta , @hrt-attack , & @scarvain , @ldrvinyl
i always feel like i'm forgetting ppl on here idk why 🧌
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