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wheresmymilliondollarman · 1 year

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THE AARON WARNER X READER FIC OMLLLLLLLL I NEED PT. 2 PLEASEEE

aaron warner x ferrars!reader pt. 2

aaron warner continues to make way into your life, and it's only a matter of time before you grow fond of him too.

(taken place during unravel me)

continuation of the hcs from this piece!

a/n: hey y'all.... the long awaited pt 2 is finally here. so sorry for the wait, but i had some major writer's block with this at first, and tbh life has been a lil hectic rn with classes n stuff, so thank you for all the love and support on the first headcannons, and thank you for being patient with me! i truly cant express enough how happy i get when you guys compliment my work <3 as usual, hayden is my personal fc, imagine who you like !

side note: i know reader might seem kind of useless at times even tho she has powers, but it's because she doesn't have a full control of her ability yet, still learning how far it goes, and she doesn't have much practice on defensive uses of it, since a lot of her training is about learning about her powers. hope that makes sense LOL. some big events are going to be briefed over bc i didnt wanna bore y’all with stuff you alr read in the book and wanna focus on warner & reader interactions👍

word count: 8.2k

warnings: some plot changes, vague taylor swift reference, mentions of injuries and blood, some violence

after receiving the note, you immediately crumped it and stuffed it into a random drawer with your clothing. you hadn't told a soul about the message, you feared it would only make the implication of meeting warner again true.

thinking about the note was a pipeline to thinking about aaron warner. thinking about him meant flashing back to the last moment the two of you shared.

his lips on yours, his confessions of his infatuation, and of course, the way your shot him in the chest. you hated how the memory was brung a warm and unfamiliar feeling in your chest, especially thinking back to the kiss.

you told yourself it wasn't a big deal. maybe another member at the base decided to play a prank on you, or perhaps it was just an empty threat. there was no way warner knew your location, so there's no need to tell anyone about the silly note.

but to be extra cautious, you laid off going on missions to the outside for a little bit. plus, it forced juliette to interact with people that weren't you on missions when you weren't there.

you went along with your routine as usual, training with castle and kenji, and hanging out with juliette and adam.

you didn't hate castle by any means, but you find his underlying scrutinization of both you and your sister at times to be bothersome. his constant pushy treatment to juliette never sat right with you either, but since he was the leader of omega point - you knew you had to still show respect for him.

although, you started to notice a strain between the couple recently, mostly from adam's side. there was obviously something he was keeping from juliette.

you comforted your sister to the best of your ability, but you knew not knowing was starting to affect her. kenji also seemed to know whatever this secret was, but was adamant on keeping his lips shut.

however, once castle took adam away in the middle of you guys eating lunch, juliette demanded answers since it was obvious adam himself was struggling to reveal it himself.

this time kenji was helpful and guided you and juliette to the research labs. there you both saw castle engaging adam in some sort of tests, and it sent your sister into a fit of rage, mainly aimed at castle. which then resulted in her angrily punch the ground, causing for a large earthquake that shook the entire establishment.

juliette was passed out for three days before waking up. you worried for her endlessly during those days, it was the one of the only times you intentionally listened for her thoughts, to ensure she was alright, but it was scarily silent. you knew adam also was quite worried for juliette, but castle made sure he kept his distance.

after that, her and adam were on some sort of unofficial break up, and you knew better than to get involved. juliette was also now required to join you and kenji in training, which made for a chaotic, but fun trio.

your powers were getting easier to control, you were working on levitating heavier objects every time. you've practiced mental manipulation on insects and small animals, so you had a gist of to what extent you could control a mind. the most you've done so far was send simple commands like jump, sit, move, etc. kenji always offered to be a test subject for this, but you always declined, not liking the thought of possibly controlling the mind of your friend.

now that you could control when to apprehend thoughts, it made it much easier to make friends without disrespecting people's privacy. while sara and sonya were always kind to you, others had made it sort of clear they wanted to keep their distance to prevent their mind from being read by you. being able to now reassure others that their thoughts weren't being heard made it easier for people to approach you.

much like juliette you found new friends in brendan, with an electric ability, and winston, who had a stretchy ability and also designed the suits for both ferrars.

days at omega point were serene for a bit, everyone following routine and members continuing to patrol areas for any threats of the reestablishment. but it was surely disrupted with the arrival of threatening news.

it was in the middle of the night when you were dragged away from your bed by kenji to castle's office; juliette and adam following suite. he claimed it was an urgent matter that required the presence of the four of you.

there, castle revealed the return of the supreme commander, also known as warner's father - that was big news to you and juliette. it explains how warner was able to be out with his men in the sector so often.

however, news worsened when you found out brendan and winston along with emory and ian were taken by the reestablishment during their patrol. at their missing location was left a note, with specific instructions on how to proceed.

you were shaken by this discovery, it had been only less than 24 hours since you had last spoken with either of them, both you and juliette had had breakfast with brendan and winston.

that wasn't even the end of if, castle instructed that all four of you were to go to this meeting destination.

all of you were taken aback by this, you had initially assumed castle would be the one to see the supreme, since has is the leader and all.

adam and kenji were at the head of the protest against this plan, not wanting to easily comply . both you and juliette remained silent, still taking in all the information given.

you without a doubt were ready to head in for the safety of your friends, but you also didn't like the unpredictability of the situation you all could possibly wander into with the commander.

"the two of you may opt out as you like, but i am requesting the aid of both ferrars, seeing as they are the ones very explicitly instructed to see the supreme - a sort of exchange, them for the hostages. "

again, everyone in the room was stunned with confusion. all having the same question, why would he need both sisters there?

you didn't know the room could've possibly erupted into more chaos than right now. adam was now furious, kenji not too far behind with questions of his own.

you couldn't help but think back to the note you found in your pocket, "see you soon." is this what he had meant? had he known this would occur that long ago?

again, you shook the thought from your mind. aaron warner wasn't the one who sent the order, it was the supreme, so it's possible warner will not even be at the location the four of you are suppose to go to.

no need to think about warner, you told yourself. no need to remember how he kissed you with ferocious passionate intent.

with this newfound knowledge, you knew you couldn't back away from this, not when there were lives at stake, and you didn't have to be familiar with the supreme to know he would not hesitate to take the lives of omega point members.

you looked toward juliette to inquire her thoughts about the situation. you understood from the look on her face that she had a similar plan of action to you. a telepathic (without actually reading her mind this time) message was communicated between both of you, making a mutual agreement.

"we'll do it." you announced over the arguing.

castle was pleased with this decision, but immediately adam objected, and even kenji was hesitant for you both to go through with the plan. however, stubborn as ever, both of you committed to your decision.

preparing for the meeting with warner's father was nerve-racking, worried for the safety of your team, and also the hostages. you and everyone knew this had to be some sort of trap set up by the commander, but there wasn't much you could do besides arm yourself and comply.

the four of you were gathered in castle's office. castle made sure all four of you were equipped with necessary gear for the mission, including having weapons with you.

you attire was the same as usual, a red leather corset-styled top, a matching leather coat-like jacket, black pants in a stretchy material, accompanied with black fingerless gloves and black knee-high boots - except now you had the addition of a harness and holsters up your leg to hold any firearms given to you. the coat did well in concealing a lot of the guns.

luckily, you had a good amount of practice with a gun since the warner incident. you were no james bond, as a man kenji liked to reference, but you had enough skill to defend yourself and others in the face of danger.

"why does warner's father need both sisters?" kenji humorously asked castle, "can't we at least keep one of them, one for the reestablishment and one for omega point."

you scoffed with a grin, entertaining the joke. "i'm sorry, who exactly are you willing to sacrifice to the reestablishment kenji?"

"well, with that attitude i'm starting to lean towards you."

castle goes through the plan once more before having to leave with the rest of omega point. they had to be stationed around building near the meeting point before the four of you arrived.

the time finally arrived for all of you to begin the journey to meeting the commander. since you all were traveling on foot, adam and kenji leading the way, you needed to leave at least an hour before the designated time.

adam was able to successfully turn off his protective shield for kenji to make all of you invisible. it made the journey easier; being able to wander through the land unseen.

after kenji misguided you to the wrong house, you all rushed to get to the correct address, 1542 sycamore. with 50 seconds of time, you all arrived.

juliette made the quick decision to tell kenji and adam to stay hidden, that it was better if warner's dad thought we were alone. in the case of an emergency, they could jump in.

kenji and adam gave a few last words of reassurance, before turning back invisible. then, you and juliette stood in front of the door of meeting house, holding hands before entering the house.

warner's dad did the job of opening the door for you both, inviting you inside even though it was more a of demand, and commenting on your impeccable timing.

once inside, you got a good look at the man. you shouldn't be shocked he was also quite handsome since he is warner's father, but you were still thrown back by his unexpected attractiveness.

unfortunately, you didn't take him his appearance for long before he abruptly & forcefully pushed juliette head against the wall behind her, momentarily knocking her out.

you didn't even get to process the action before you were pushed roughly against the wall, the commanders right forearm holding you down by the throat, while his left hand was disarming you.

almost as if acted on instinct, you pushed him back with a scarlet force, sending him back first onto a nearby table.

you took a second to get react, unsure of what happened, before rushing over to your sister. juliette didn't seem to be bleeding, luckily, but you figured she might have a concussion. much to your surprise, she sat up straighter attempting to act unfazed.

you were roughly yanked away by your wrist and away from juliette. you attempted a second self-defense act, but the commander was first and pulled out his gun, pointing it to your sister.

"try anything else, and i'll shoot her before you could blink."

your silence was a sign of defeat. you stood still as he unarmed you, even taking off your coat for good measure.

he released you finally then went on to do the same to juliette, who was still recovering from the slight blackout she faced from the collision with the wall - he repeated the threat to her, gun pointing in your direction this time.

you swore if you made it out of here alive you were going to learn more defensive uses of your powers to never be in a position like this again.

juliette must've been refocused on the task at hand because she starting asking the commander for the location of the hostages.

you stomach dropped when he disclosed his army is equipped and ready to take down any omega point members who are lingering by.

he went on to elaborate his plan to eliminate the "freaks" that made up the rebellion. but what got your heart beating faster was the mention of warner.

he directs his talk to you, "i admit, your sister, juliette, had piqued my interest quite a bit with her ability and history, i'd never paid much more than a glance in your direction. but what really astounded me, was when my son begged me to spare your life." he smiles, in a terrifying manor, "i just had to meet this girl whose bewitched him and spelled him into such a lovesick fool."

you felt physically stuck to your place as you listened. you didn't have to look at juliette to know she was also frozen.

'did aaron really do that?'

he turns in your direction, "i have every intention to use you to teach my son a lesson, and that will just have to include your death much to your misfortune. i really do hate to waste a pretty face." you face pales at the mention of your death.

then he faces your sister, who had taken a sudden step in front of you, "but that doesn't mean the older ferrars has to suffer the same fate and couldn't prove to be useful to join me in the capitol."

"i'd rather jump off a very steep cliff, thanks."

you wanted to laugh at your sister's retort, but you couldn't help but worry that he'd kill her for her denial. you'd rather be the sole target of his persecution than drag your sister down into it as well.

you reminded yourself adam and kenji were still around, they would surely arrive in time before either of you could be dead. you hoped.

the commander, however, does laugh at your sister's rejection, "a stubborn one you are."

"son, would you come in here, please?"

your eyes widen, warner was here this whole time.

you and juliette glanced at the same time, both being shocked at his presence.

when he appears in the doorway, all the memories of the event in his room come back to haunt you.

his face was void of any emotion, but his stare directed intensely toward you.

there was no time for small talk, because warner's father handed him a gun, meant to kill you. he places it in aaron's hand and aiming it to your head, dishing out the command to 'clean up his mess.'

you wouldn't be surprised if he had intentions to shoot you, you quite literally had shot him the last time you'd seen each other.

juliette let out yells of protests, telling warner to put the gun down.

you were preparing ways to defend yourself, mainly involving levitating an object and throwing it at either person with murderous intent toward you. but you weren't sure how you could hide the movement of your hand, and red glow of your eyes, when the attention was all on you.

but you couldn't help solely stare back into aaron's emerald green eyes. you wondered if this would be your last sight before death.

no, you refused to succumb to death like this, you wouldn't give anderson the pleasure.

you stared back into the green eyes, daring him to take a shot. this could be really courageous or terribly stupid.

then in the next instant, the gun had a new target, his father.

his father didn't look too fazed, confident that his son wouldn't shoot him, even patronizing him for it.

you didn't wait to find out if he would go through with it because now that the attention shifted, you could execute your plan of action.

the supreme and warner were both knocked down by the large heavy table being thrown at them. granted, aaron wasn't your target, but it didn't hurt to knock him down in case he intended to shoot you.

juliette took the opportunity to get the firearms the commander has taken at the beginning, and use the gun to shoot him in the leg. both legs. multiple times.

you were about to reel her back, when kenji appeared out of thin air, literally, and held juliette back from further injuring anderson.

suddenly, you remembered warner was still in the room. you looked around to find him passed out on the ground, a syringe, you guessed kenji used, next to him.

kenji tossed you as roped and told you to bound his arms, so, you knelt down on the floor next to him, carefully shifting him to place the rope.

as you did this, you noticed his features closely, how different he seemed unconscious, at peace. it kind of made him more beautiful.

out of your better judgement, you reached out slowly to touch a lock of his blonde hair, soft.

you immediately pulled your hand away when you thought you felt a stir, but you looked back to his face and he was still unconscious.

maybe, if you had looked a little closer you'd notice the ghost of a small smirk on his lips.

"we're going to take this kid hostage."

you were brought to your current situation with that statement.

"wait, what!" kidnapping wasn't on your to-do list for the day.

however, the most shocking news to be said in this room, was when adam dropped the bomb that the supreme command, warner's father, was his dad - making warner his half brother.

in the midst of all this chaos, omega point had already set off the call to attack, and now were battling against the reestablishment.

there was no time to think about events because kenji was rushing everyone out the door to get back to the safe haven.

the four of you needed to a large distraction so castle could draw back before major disaster since anderson was down and you now had taken warner. juliette promptly stepped up with an idea and create a part two of her earth-shattering ability. - which it turned out working really well because you all were able to make contact with castle.

adam and kenji did the heavy lifting of carrying aaron's heavy body while you and juliette had the task of finding a tank for the four of you to head to omega point in.

once that was settled all of you clambered into the tank, kenji taking the wheel and adam acting as second in command - that left you and juliette in the back with warner.

who was currently to the left of you, slumped against the window side of his seat, and juliette being on your right.

you weren't thrilled to have him smushed next to you. not when you were close enough to smell his cologne and feel the outline of his muscles through his jacket.

a part of you thought he would maybe wake up somewhere during the ride, but his eyes remained close. you know because you were staring at him more than you'd like to admit.

you reminded yourself what he had put you and juliette through, the asylum, the imprisonment, and the tests. it was enough to reel you back in and continue your dislike for warner.

although he was asleep, the bumps on the travel to the underground base made for a lot of jolts of movement and in turn caused warner's body to tumble onto you.

his body was heavy, but somehow it was heavier whenever you had to push him back to his side. it was like a force was trying to keep him on there.

his head somehow always slumped into the hair on the crook of your neck, and at some point, you could've sworn you felt him breathe in through his nose, like a sniff. but you wrote it off as the movement of the vehicle.

you must've passed out at a point because when you opened your eyes, you were lying against warner's shoulder.

your face was a flush of scarlet when you realized your position, but luckily juliette was fast asleep, and the two men were occupied in the front, likely going over today's events. thank god.

not long after, you all arrived at the destination and made it out of the tank.

kenji helped pull you out of the tank, not before leaving a teasing comment.

“have a nice nap, did you?”

you ignored him, but your face went red in embarrassment. he would never let you live this down.

you took a rest for a whole day before interacting with anyone. you weren't sure if you could handle any other sudden revelation without rest, especially if it involved warner.

castle came to you and juliette to discuss further the plan with warner and such. and you were reminded of the fact adam and him were technically brothers, which was kept a secret between all four of you still.

then castle gave you both the most ridiculous task; to be in charge of the questioning and occasionally visiting the prisoner. his reasoning being you both were the most acquainted with warner, and he'd be more willing to comply with at least one of you.

you wanted to decline; you didn't understand why castle always sent everyone else to do work for him - but you knew your sister was happy to finally have a real assignment for omega point; she wanted to be useful.

so the following day, you began your "mission." you sisters went to where they were holding warner, a room much like where you and juliette slept, but the difference was it closely guarded, not letting the person inside leave.

you greeted the guards, and they had looked very relieved to see you there. apparently, warner has been less than pleasant as an inmate - throwing things and demanding to speak with you, and they informed him the two of you would be arriving to calm him down.

you stepped into the room and noticed the lack of furniture, probably because he was throwing, then you saw warner sitting on a mattress on the floor, indulging himself in some sort of journal that you didn't get to get a look at before he put it away.

he looks up at your arrival with a grin, "hello amor, a pleasure to see you again at last." he scanned your attire, "i have to say, this new look on you has you looking rather ravishing."

you rolled your eyes, fighting the butterflies because of his comment. "how you manage to be a prisoner and still keep that stupid charm goes beyond me."

"i did say i'd see you soon didn't i?"

juliette gave you a confused glance, you hadn't told her about the note, nor the kiss.

you ignored what he said, trying redirect the conversation. you glanced down at his chest, "nice to see you've healed from the shot, for a moment, i thought i'd killed you."

"takes a lot more to kill me i'm afraid, however, if it's by your hand i'm more than willing to greet death like an old friend."

before you could bite back, juliette interrupted your banter with a cough, meant to serve a reminder to you to stay on task.

"right, forgot you were here juliette, perhaps you'd like to step out so your sister and could properly reunite."

god, you hated his suaveness. you hated it even more when it worked in making your heartbeat pick up.

juliette took charge of the conversation and started asking questions relevant to the establishment, but warner would either change the subject or give vague answers.

you both decided to leave after growing tired of the lack of information. you ignored warner's pleas for the company and walked out.

the next day you both tried again, meeting in from of his room. juliette, however had decided a change of tactics.

"i think you should go in without me."

you turned to her confused. she explained he would likely be more cooperative with your presence alone, his actions from yesterday proving to be in support of that.

you denied it, even if part of you believed it. you weren't sure you were ready to be in a room alone with aaron.

nonetheless, juliette left you to your own devices and rushed off, probably to find adam or kenji, before you could protest further.

you cursed her, but prepared to enter the room in front of you.

aaron was lying down, resting an arm behind his head and using the other to throw and object up and down. once he noticed you he sat up in your direction.

he noticed the lack of presence of juliette, and you could tell he was more than pleased.

"finally, i was starting to think your sister would chaperone us forever."

"don't be so eager to be alone, i could shoot you again."

"and i'd willingly take another bullet if it meant another kiss."

you couldn't help the annoying pink tint on your face that came up with the mention of the kiss.

you changed topic, "how were you able to send me that note?"

he smirked, "well for one, i noticed you after our eyes met briefly during your first time outside in the sector. after that, it was blatantly obvious who you were; that disguise did nothing to hide your gorgeous face, unfortunately for you. and then it wasn't hard to order a civilian to drop the note in your pocket while you were distracted."

you were stunned; you really hadn't thought to think he recognized you. you thought you blended in pretty well on those missions.

"okay, stop distracting me, what are your father's plans."

"hmm, maybe if you ask nicely and give me a kiss - i'd be more willing to comply."

you left shortly after that, knowing you weren't going to get much out from him.

it continued like that for a few days; you'd walk in, try to get information, but then he'd turn it back into a way to flirt with you or bring up the kiss.

this time when you walked in, you saw him reading the journal from the first day, and you were able get a better look at it. it was yours.

"hey, what are you doing with my-"

"dear diary, today i checked out a book from the library, there was a rather intimate scene between the main charact-"

you immediately recognized the writing as your own and strided across the room to aaron to snatch your journal back.

warner was quicker, standing up in a snap, keeping a distance from you as read aloud more pages.

you yelled at him to stop, catching up to him, but now he held the book to the ceiling, making it harder for you to reach because of his tall body.

you, much to your embarrassment, jumped up and down to reach the journal, wanting this humiliation to end.

"aaron, just give it back!"

all of a sudden, aaron stopped his teasing and looked down to you, a lopsided smile on his face.

"you called me aaron."

you eyes opened in horror, you just called him aaron, not warner. and he heard it.

"no. no. i said warner, you misheard." it was a terrible attempt at lying.

he smiles even wider, his dimples prominent. he reaches a free hands to lift your chin.

"please, keep saying my name, i do love how it sounds coming from you."

you felt you were gonna explode from all the emotions you were feeling, the room was getting hotter, and your heart was pounding in your ears.

you couldn't get a solid sentence our without babbling in embarrassment. so you took the coward's way - bolting out the room, abandoning the mission to retrieve your journal.

you avoided visits a few times after that incident, you were still cringing at the flashbacks, it worsened when you also remembered he had the contents of your journal and all the embarrassing things and darkest secrets you'd written inside.

unfortunately, that didn't stop you from running into warner.

you were eating lunch with kenji, he was currently explaining some princess film you'd never seen.

"wait, so how did this girl even find out when her birthday was?"

"well, obviously, mother gothel told her."

"why didn't she just lie about her birthday, or not even tell her what a birthday is?"

"i don't know, i didn't make the script."

"also does the ending mean she has power still, or was it the last of her ma-"

"oh my god, can you shut up and just appreciate the greatness that is tangled!"

"hey! you're the on-"

"well, isn't this a surprise."

you turned to the new voice that entered the conversation. aaron warner stood in front of your table, hands behind his back, and castle behind him, likely guiding him somewhere.

then you remembered your last conversation with the leader and came to the conclusion aaron was on his way to be tested, probably like adam had.

castle remained unaware of the blood shared between the two, but you did let it slip you were unable to read your mind, and he was able to make skin contact with your sister.

"well if it isn't my favorite ex-boss." kenji spoke with a mouthful of food.

aaron ignored kenji, much to kenji's offense. "amor, here have you been these days, you left quite flushed after our intimate moment in my cell."

kenji spat out his food at that last bit.

you body was filled to the brim with utter embarrassment and hate toward the way he phrased his wording to make it seem what it wasn't.

you turned to kenji who was coughing continuously, "nothing even happened!" you gave warner a glare, "stop making it seem so.. so-"

"so what, amor? i'd love to know what you think i meant by intimate."

"you are so insufferable."

castle then dragged warner along to the testing area. you couldn't deny you weren't curious to find out if he shared a gift similar to adam.

you were planning to engage with warner the next day, but his guards had come up to you during your training session demanding your presence because apparently warner was in a fit of rage.

worried, you rushed over. entering the room, warner was sitting against the wall, face in his hands. the room was in disarray, broken items of what was already so little, scattered all over the room. even his floor mattress had been tossed.

he barely acknowledged you, so you took it upon yourself to kneel down in from of him, silently asking what happened.

"castle..he told me it's possible i have an... ability. he told me i could change," he laughs humorlessly, "that there was potential for me to be.. different... possibly better."

you stayed silent, unsure of how to respond, as he bitterly ranted about his talk with castle.

"what do you think?”

“what?”

“do you believe i can change? i’d love to know what your opinion is on this, amor.”

you weren’t sure how to respond. “i believe… everyone can choose what they want to be. it’s up to them to decide, even if everyone tell tried to tell you who you are.”

this time, he was the one silent, looking down at his lap, likely in thought.

you took the chance to take in his attire; some black sweatpants, grey socks, and no shirt.

you probably would’ve been flustered to see him shirtless if you didn’t notice some peculiar marks peaking from his shoulder.

silently, you slowly crept to the side of aaron, still distracted. you slide far enough to get a good few of his back.

you internally gasped. his back was littered with lines of scarring - likely whipped. your stomach churned at the thought.

you also notice a big tattoo in the upper middle of his back, in all caps ‘IGNITE’.

you must’ve said it out loud because aaron’s head whipped in your direction. he turned his back away from you once he noticed where your stare was directed.

“no need to say anything, i already know how hideous it looks.”

unsure how to respond, you blurt the first thing out of your head - “i think they look cool. kind of like an abstract piece of art.”

yeah, comforting people wasn’t your forte.

luckily, aaron seemed intrigued by your statement. so you took the chance to request something further.

“can i touch your, erm, back?”

aaron was hesitant for a few moments, but then sighed and turns his back toward you.

you delicately pressed your fingers along the canvas of his back. you could feel every ridge and texture of each scar as your fingers glided over.

aaron flinched at first content, then progressively & visibly melted into your touch.

“why ‘ignite’?”

“why not?” you really hated his vagueness.

an idea popped into your head. you pulled a pen out of your jacket pocket, testing it on your own skin a few times before you started drawing lines on aaron’s skin.

“amor, what are you doing?”

“hang on.” he could feel the ink of the pen etched on his back.

“you know, my original plan was to seduce you with my perfect abs, but i guess luring you with my scars works as well.”

“shut up.” but you were smiling while saying it.

you finished connecting a few lines, “there, perfect.”

"i think you've forgotten i dont have the neck of a giraffe to twist around."

"oh, my bad." you said sheepishly. "do you have a mirror?"

"i did, then i broke it. pieces should be in a corner somewhere."

you mentally scolded his carelessness.

you managed to find a piece big enough for him to see your creation upon his skin.

"i drew a star." you wanted to facepalm at how silly it sounded.

star was a bit of a stretch, you connected lines scarred on his bank to form a lopsided and wonky-shaped star.

he just stared at it, not uttering a word. you moved to try to wipe off the mark, but he grabbed your wrist before you could.

"no," he grins, "i adore it. do more of them."

you did. it was a whole galaxy of stars embedded on him.

he stayed mute as he watched you through the shard of mirror while you doodled, but suddenly he spoke and gave you details as to what his knew of his father's plans and the location of brendon & winston.

"why are you suddenly telling me this, why now?"

"it's what your here for, isn't it."

you rushed over to castle immediately and repeated everything aaron told you. he thanked you for the information before he called in others to draw up a plot of attack. you all were to leave immediately the next day.

castle called a meeting in the lunch hall a few hours later; everyone at omega point was gathered there.

he briefed them on the commander's plans or what the plan was supposed to be so far. of course, people were suspicious of this information coming from warner, not trusting him at all; not that you could blame them.

"he's immune to both of the ferrars abilities, he can touch juliette with no issue and y/n can't get into his head. after this reveal, we did some test, and we've come to find out he's gifted like the rest of us."

the room exploded in chaos, gasps, yells, and protests coming from all different directions. a lot of ongoing looks toward your table. castle raised his voice to calm everyone down.

you and juliette didn't stick around long after, for one you already knew the information being given , and two, the stares and questions were getting annoying and uncomfortable.

however, adam shortly followed the two of you out, desperate to speak to juliette, and you knew why - warner being able to touch her.

they began talking intensely as if you weren't there. you watched from the sidelines as juliette explained her side and adam getting more frustrated.

you butted in at a point, you felt bad for the guy, but your sister came first. “adam, maybe it's best you leave to cool down.”

but your voice of reason only irritated him. “how about you stop inserting yourself into your sister’s affairs and let her speak for herself.”

"what is your issue?"

"this is between juliette and i; she doesn't need you speaking for her."

"you hypocrite, that's what you're doing right now!"

"why don't you go fraternize with warner, that's all you seem to be doing these days." adam venomously spat at you.

as if the mention of his name made him appear, warner's presence made it known. he stepped in front of you, dividing you and adam who got closer as the argument headed.

"kent, you've really got an attribute for being infuriating and vexing."

that set off the fire for an intense standoff between the two. adam, already mad at aaron, started the verbal feud.

it got so heated, kenji inserted himself between the two - trying to stop the commotion. you even grabbed aaron's arm to pull him away.

it was all happening so quick; one moment, they were shooting insults back and forth, the next instant kenji was dropping to the floor clutching his head in pain.

juliette immediately called out for help, finding castle, who brought in sonya and sara to take kenji to the medic.

adam and juliette went trailing after them, but you stayed there stunned. what did you do?

you had a flashback to the experiment - kenji reacting, in the same manner, those soldiers had after you freaked out.

you felt extremely horrible for kenji and you prayed he would be alright.

but you hadn't intended to hurt kenji nor did you exert any force in using your powers. you had better practice with your energy, so it didn't make sense.

aaron, still beside you, reached out to you - but you instinctively took a step back. you weren't sure what was happening to you, and the last thing you wanted was to hurt someone else accidentally.

"probably better you stay back," you looked down at your hands in fright, "i don't have control right now, i'm don't even understand how i did that to kenji."

"because amor, you didn't injure him. i did."

your confusion only deepened with that. then he brought back the mention of his gift, and you put the puzzle pieces together as he spoke.

"so you can basically can absorb someone else's power and use it?"

"a little more complicated than that. i can sense people's energy, like right now i know you're confused and worried for your friend, but also scared of yourself for what you did, or thought you did."

he elaborated, saying he unintentionally manifested your energy when you touched him. when kenji grabbed his arm, in an attempt to pull him away, that was when he projected the energy on him and hurting him in the process.

"wait, so does that mean you have my ability to read minds too?"

"hmm, i haven't given it a chance," he smirks at you "would you like to be my test subject?"

"absolutely not."

later that night, you check with sara and sonya on kenji's condition. they informed you that he was alright, but just needed some rest. after, you met up with castle in his office, finalizing plans for the morning - the beginning of the battle.

before you said goodbye, you had a question that had been crossing your mind.

"why do you trust ar-, er, warner, what's to say he won't turn his back."

"well, i guess i can't say for sure that he won't. i just have to have faith in mr. warner that he will make the right decision for himself. and with your added presence, i'm sure he's more open to that than ever."

"what do you mean?"

"surely you realize he's in love with you. he's even told me himself."

"he..he told you he was in love with me?"

"yes, just after i was discussing his gift with him." he said it like it was the most casual thing.

you stayed to chat briefly after. you directly headed to aaron's room, no longer littered with guards since he was considered a "member." you were able to walk in with no issue.

aaron hadn't been asleep yet when you got there, he was sitting up on his bed, which had a frame now, reading a book.

you didn't give him a chance to react to your sudden intrusion before you started speaking.

"why would you tell castle you're in love with me"

he furrowed his brows, but you kept going - you were set on getting answers.

"how could you just.. say something like that, what is your motive? are you trying to get to me?"

"amor, calm down. i have no motive." he said, standing up and walking toward you.

"then why would you even say that."

"isn't it clear?" he gets nears, a hand going to cradle the underside of your face, "i meant what i said."

"you can't love someone you barely know."

"but that's just it. i do know you. i've read your mind on paper, and experienced you for myself the moment i met you. i know that you hate to be wrong, you want to clench your first when you lie, although juliette is older by a bit - you feel the need to protect her, you're afraid of the dark, but never admit it, you hate yourself for loving your powers, and you want so badly to be accepted here because of your lonely childhood. shall i go on?"

you were flabbergasted by his word, and you couldn't even deny that they weren't true.

"how do you know this?"

"because, as my dear father put it, it seem you've bewitched me, my mind, and my body."

then he kissed you. and you let him.

and you very much liked it.

it was a longing, messy, kiss - he had you against the wall, lifted by your hips to his height. you wrapped your arms around his neck kissing him deeper, not letting any thoughts or worries flow from you for the moment.

the doors opened. "y/n? are you her-" then a gasp.

you recognized the voice - juliette.

you immediately panicked and pushed aaron away, attempting an explanation yo your sister, but she was already turning her feet and running away.

you gave warner a glance before you ran off in her direction.

you caught up to her, "juliette, please, wait!"

she abruptly stopped her feet and turned to you, "what are you doing y/n? kissing warner, are everything he's done!"

"it's just... i didn't... it's not like-" you struggled to put it into words.

"so what, you- you like the guy who kidnapped us? the one who shot a guy in front of us. experimented - borderline tortured us? he made me hurt a child, y/n. a child! and now you're making out with him."

you were at a loss for words, tears starting to build up at her harsh words.

"you're an idiot if you think you could love him, and even stupider to think a cold heartless person like him could love you. and i won't have anything to do with you if you keep him in your life." and with that she waked off, leaving you in the hall.

you didn't go back to warner after your fight, nor did you go back to your room immediately. you shamefully found an empty closet to cry into for a while. once you were able to breathe normally, you went back to the shared room - luckily everyone was fast asleep.

by morning, everyone was preparing for the rescue of brendan and winston. you and juliette exchanged no words; you attempted - but was shut down every time. she had never been this mad at you. so you just suited up and went to find kenji. kenji sensed the tension between you sisters, but didn't push for information.

you came to found out from castle, aaron warner was gone - he escaped omega point. likely on his way to the reestablishment.

you didn't want to focus on why a part of you was hurt when you heard that.

the battle was not a scene for the light-hearted - anderson's men had already begun gathering civilians and spewing blood. if you didn't have a strong stomach, you'd already be spilling your guts.

midway through dodging bullets and soldiers, you felt a shift in the already dire environment. there was something wrong, and you sensed it.

you urged kenji you felt the need to return to omega point - there was something wrong. he wasn't too convinced by your vague intuition, so you sought off on your own, doing your best to avoid the battlefield.

you ran into juliette at some point, not caring for your argument at the moment, and told her your inkling. she also brushed you off, telling it wasn't a time for your dramatics.

even with no support, you went back - you couldn't ignore this feeling.

you were maybe 200 ft away from omega point when it happened. bombs were dropped on the territory - causing the destruction of the building and any remaining members who stayed behind.

the explosion was powerful - even from where you were standing, it sent you both painfully flying back. you blacked out before you could react to the tragic ending of omega point.

you regained consciousness after consecutive kicks to your ribs and a voice telling you to wake up.

in front of you stood a crippled anderson, standing with he support of a cain. his composure was calm, but you could see the hatred behind his eyes.

you painfully stood up, surveying the area. you were in a house - similar to the one from last time.

you felt weak, dizzy, and the world was a bit blurry. you were leaning on a mantle to support your standing.

"ah, the fatigue your feeling would be my own fault. had those lovely sisters inject you with something. it will incapacitate you enough that you won't be a threat. can't have you flipping tables again."

you were barely registering his words, but when he mentioned sisters it gave you a bit of a jump start. he had sara and sonya.

your words felt faint, but you demanded to know where they were. he assured you they were unharmed, but it did nothing to ease you.

midway your conversation, warner enters the room - shocked to see you there. you probably would've reacted if you weren't so dosed on drugs.

"now that we have this reunion out the way, i'm going to be generous, something you ought to appreciate. you can tell me where your sister is and where the rest of your band of freaks are. you can aid me in destroying them and only after will i grant you the mercy of joining the reestablishment."

"what do you want with juliette?"

"she did this to me," he gestured to his legs, "and now i want my compensation."

no matter the situation with your sister, you'd never give her up.

"go to hell."

he sighs, "a disappointment once again, miss ferrars." he turns to his son, "this is why it's important i teach you this very valuable lesson son."

warner goes rigid, "what do you mean?"

warner pull out his shotgun, "justice, should always be served - even if it has to be by your own means."

then you were shot right in the chest.

you blacked out, then started slipping in and out of consciousness. all you remember is blood spilling from you at a rapid pace, and aaron crouched in front of you.

you remember voices - aarons, sara, and sonya's talking in rushed voices - then it was only aaron.

"hey cmon, amor, stay with me."

"wow... getting in the chest really sucks. i feel really bad about shooting you now." you spoke deliriously.

"it's alright, i just need you to hold on a little longer." his voice strained, holding back anguish.

but you didn't; you passed out, your last thoughts hoping juliette would throw you a nice funeral, enough though she was upset at you.

#aaron warner x reader #aaron warner imagine #aaron warner fanfic #aaron warner #aaron warner anderson #shatter me #shatter me fanfic #unravel me #juliette ferrars #kenji kishimoto #adam kent #x female reader #x y/n #x reader #reader insert #reader imagine #headcannons

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grimalkinmessor · 1 year

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Hmm, yeah. The way Hori wrote Hawks feeling guilty, it's like he doesn't see his parents as abusive. I mean, we even get a whole narration from adult Hawks saying he just saw them as "broken people" that he couldn't help. But I think, at the very least, he...psychologically feels some distance towards them because some internal part of himself does recognize it as abuse, even if he hasn't reached that conclusion himself? I say that because he says he was fine with cutting the relationship with his mom when his name was taken away, and he even though he's sad she ran away and that he couldn't face her, he's also relieved. He's free of his shackles now. Just that realistic feeling of when you're scared of making choices so when your life goes to hell and the choice is made for you, that you go "oh well, it is what it is" he doesn't have to feel guilty that this resulted from his hands that way, and secretly take comfort in the freedom it offers. As for the HPSC, he may not be actively working to shut them down, considering all that they use to control him with his mom, his criminal father, his literal lack of a legal identity before them, and his desire to help people, he's happy about them being shut down because "there's no one to give me orders anymore." And RE: Shouto and them not exactly singing Endeavor praises. I think Hawks comes to that conclusion of things being different now, because he has that flashback to Shouto, because Shouto chose to intern with Endeavor like...three times now? So maybe he doesn't fully hate his guts. But when we see him visit the TodoFam, he puts his arm around Shouto and asks, "was this scar also Endeavor's doing?" he says "Endeavor" as if he's speaking generally to everyone in the room, while giving him The Look, before frantically backtracking with wide eyes and a "oh shit" expression when Rei says it was her, so hey at least he's considerate and open to changing his theories if he was wrong about Endeavor changing?

Hori puts a lot of thought and layers into all of his characters, for sure. Though you're right on the fact that he glosses over several issues bc he either doesn't think about them or thinks they're fine—don't even get me STARTED on the treatment of Quirkless people I can rant forever—and that neglect and verbal abuse might not even cross his mind as actual abuse.

I think I've said it before (I might've even said it in the post you're referencing but tbh I have the memory of a goldfish) but I'm pretty sure that Hawks's primary coping mechanism is avoidance and denial. If he just yeets it far enough out of his brain that he doesn't think about it then it can't hurt him.

I say this mostly because this is also one of my biggest coping mechanisms, and I recognize a lot of Hawks's mannerisms as something I personally do when I'm trying to justify things that I know either aren't true or aren't right. And you're right—I have noticed him start to address the things that he's been avoiding, BUT he has yet to address the one that seemed to urge him to confront some of those truths in the first place.

I said it in a different ask (and I apologize for a bit of misinformation there, it had been a while since I read the manga chapters and I forgot that my Twicehawks brain didn't just,,,make some of that shit up) but Hawks doesn't seem particularly affected by Twice's death. Which, if the future chapters are any indication, we will be seeing that change soon and I can't WAIT—but I digress.

Hawks killing Twice was the ultimate catalyst for his sudden will to address his own thoughts upfront.

Everything spirals for him after he kills Twice. Dabi roasts his wings off, his mother flees, Endeavor gets exposed as an abusive father, hero society begins to collapse, etc. And yes, a lot of these aren't directly connected to Twice's death...but they are in Hawks's mind.

We don't know if it's the first time he's ever had to kill someone on HPSC orders, but it really looks like it is. He stalls, he bargains, and he ultimately has to kill Jin anyway. And not only was Twice likely his first kill, Twice was someone Hawks genuinely seemed to like. He was someone Hawks spent time around and got to know before he quite literally stabbed the villain in the back. That had to have put him in a weird headspace.

Because before Twice, we see Hawks internally justifying everything and tunneling his vision onto his goals, but after Twice, we see him finally start to acknowledge the problems he's been putting off and ignoring. And just in time too, because you can bet that Lady Nagant coming into play also threw him for a loop. And learning her story—a young hero hopeful trained to be little more than a glittery government assassin, gone rogue after getting tired of the blood on her hands—would've slapped Hawks in the face with not only the confirmation that the HPSC sucks, but that he could've easily turned out just like her.

After all, he'd already killed for them once, right? Who's to say that they wouldn't make him do it again? Hell, he knows they would make him do it again.

That's why I'm so interested in how this newest fight will turn out. Why I'm so interested in Hawks specifically; because not only is Twice back on the field, but Dabi has also shown up, like a mirror of the battle of Jakku. Because Dabi is both similar and different to Hawks in that he acknowledges that he has trauma, but he lies to himself about what exactly that trauma is. Dabi knows that he has been wronged, but he's got a skewed view on how he's been wronged: physical abuse vs verbal abuse vs neglectful abuse.

And I'm highly interested in seeing how Hawks, a man who is just now coming to terms with his own problems, is going to handle that. What he'll say, if he'll repeat himself or learn from his mistakes—if he'll be able to get through to anyone in particular :)

#asks #anonymous #hawks #takami keigo #bnha #boku no hero academia #character analysis #bnha manga spoilers

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medics-secret-shipfic-folder · 1 year

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Love your art!! Just wanted to say that after re-reading the comics I noticed Scout Greg say something along the lines of “boss going crazy…” and it makes me wonder if Chevy was softer/less aggressive when he worked for Mann Co.?

Obviously from the photo in the comics he’s pretty tough looking, but it really makes you wonder if he was less controlling before becoming obsessed w immortality, which would explain why everyone was so willing to come back and help him initially

Hi there, and thank you for the compliment! I know I'm not a professional artist, but I do hope to be a truly great artist one day.

As for the comics - yeah, that actually comes up as a plot point in my fanfic.

For those of you who don't know, Cheavy actually gets a 'Redemption' Arc in Take Back The Fortress...kinda. It's less about him redeeming himself in the eyes of Medic and Heavy and more so redeeming himself for Cmedic's sake.

In Take Back The Fortress, Cheavy and Cmedic have been separated for 20 years. Cmedic says that he was arrested for "any number of felonies" and was put away for it. The team was obviously shaken by Cmedic's sudden absence since none of them know he was arrested, and Blutarch decided to use this to his advantage.

Before Cmedic's 'death,' it's suggested that Cheavy was significantly calmer and more level-headed. He was firm with his team, but never overtly angry with them. He was what a team captian should've been. Strong, but not aggressive. This is why he and Cmedic became an item in the first place. Cheavy respected Cmedic's skills and intelligence, and Cmedic respected Cheavy's grit and leadership.

However, it's explained in chapter 7 that Blutarch actively and gleefully exploited Cheavy's grief after Cmedic's 'death,' turning him into a killing machine. Blutarch blamed the RED's for killing Cmedic, which was enough to galvanize Cheavy into a lifelong and deeply personal hatred for the RED's.

Blutarch's exploitation of Cheavy resulted in Cheavy becoming the violent and temperamental man we see in the comics. Cheavy developed a LOT of unhealthy behaviors from this period, and Blutarch continuously enabled these behaviors because they got results on the battlefield. Cheavy became greedier, more power-hungry, more arrogant and angry. He's simultaneously trying to fill the hole Cmedic's absence left behind, and trying not to show how badly Cmedic's disappearance affected him - which is kind of pointless since he becomes extremely irate and defensive whenever Cmedic is brought up.

The team obviously became worried about their boss going off the deep end, but Fred and Bea tried to reach out and help Cheavy down a healthier, less destructive path.

It worked for awhile, but Team Fortress Classic was disbanded shortly after, which meant that Bea and Fred were no longer around. Cheavy fell back into bad habits, though he did put on a more professional affectation when Gray Mann rehired the team during the events of the comics. At this point, 20 years have passed and Cheavy's started to accept Cmedic was gone, so he's not nearly as crazy as he was beforehand. This is why the team was willing to follow him since they thought he had mostly recovered.

Then Cheavy saw Medic. In Take Back The Fortress, it's explained later on that Medic being hired to the team set Cheavy off really fucking badly. Not only did it dig up all those old memories, it made Cheavy resent Medic less for what he did, but rather what Medic represented: Cmedic was gone, and this was his replacement. Didn't help that Medic still wore the RED uniform Cheavy had come to hate so much.

then Take Back The Fortress happens, and suddenly Cheavy is reunited with Cmedic. It should be a happy reunion, right?

Well...wrong. Because Cheavy still has those bad, unhealthy habits and behaviors to deal with. Behaviors that weren't there when he and Cmedic were together. Behaviors that are extremely alarming to Cmedic when they first show up.

And if Cheavy wants to salvage his relationship with Cmedic, he has to grow and become a better person for his sake. Let go of those bad habits, get into a healthier headspace, and just...stop being a piece of shit. When Cheavy realizes he's not the person Cmedic fell in love with, he actually does make an effort to be better, though it is a long and grueling process that takes over 40 chapters to fully realize.

So...yeah. I took that one line of dialogue and spun it into a whole-ass character arc. Go figure.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #take back the fortress #tfc heavy #classic heavy

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frostbite-the-bat · 3 months

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BACK TO WRITING THE DREAM I HAD about the dream I had

Mostly forgot all the sections of it

But I remember a part that was like a how to train your dragon video game, which was mostly focused on the existing cast but I could talk to everyone - it was all in first person, too. unsure if i was a dragon or if i was a viking, but either way i could speak and didn't have a dragon of my own yet seemingly (unless i was the dragon - this dream wasn't very polite in letting me know what i am or giving me a larger role in the story, i was mostly in the backseat of other things happening in the game cutscene-esque moments)

i remember observing some dragons and how they fly and?? how some dragons need to keep their wings and some don't need them to be recognizable or something? yea this part was nonsense spat at me after watching a video on butterfly metamorphosis lmfao

then 2 scenes stand out, one where i look into a large, large crater behind berk. it was a very different place, way deeper into the woods and surrounded by hills / mountains, but it was still called berk. the crater reminded me of area zero and in the distance i saw glowing dragon eggs from caves that were poking out. i instantly wanted to go there and investigate and take the lonely eggs into my care - but hiccup said it's a bad idea for my skill level currently.

i would also keep talking about how the crater was either created by a meteor strike, or a volcanic explosion - though yeah it was definitely a meteor.

then, it cuts to a scene of astrid and some different viking flying by swiftly. she looked a lot like astrid, however she was shorter, had black hair - and resembed heather a lot, but it clearly wasn't her. she rode on a smaller deadly nadder (smaller than stormfly) that was slightly purple tinted. she kept flying back and trying to attack, and i remember hiccup and astrid getting behind a shield as this mystery viking got her deadly nadder to shoot spines at it.

then the time kinda?? skipped and things were fine. suddenly, the valley all of this was happening in had like... a hall inside of it? some stairs that went down into a way more modern looking hall. supposedly, i had class to attend. i now had more control over myself and i can recall my thoughts more - but the memory aside from specific moments is still fuzzy.

i had some school trip to attend, and i called bullshit, since i am Out Of School and Unemployed. (i actually have a job-search related thing to attend in 2 fucking days that i DO NOT WANT TO ATTEND that might have affected this dream.) and i really didn't wanna go, and the people there kept being mean to me. (i love bullying trauma) but supposedly, i had to, said the teacher who looked suspiciously like my middle school P.E. teacher and my high school P.E. teacher combined.

i kept walking in and out the place, for some reason, i guess forgetting something each time. first time i was about to leave i forgot my bag - and when i got back a lot of the pins i had on the bottom have been stolen, and i was really upset. the other kids laughed.

i eventually walk out and it's a way bigger space than expected. there was a big, white hallway that reminded me of the underground train station pathways we got here. the way "back" (to where originally berk was), was going to the left, but i decided to go right.

going right took me a flight of stairs, where things got noticeably more wet. there was a whole mall, however - if i turned right once more it was an aquarium! it was also tied to the bathrooms. i was originally gonna make my escape there, but i then begin going through the aquarium.

after making my way through the aquarium, there were some pools - with instructors and a dolphin that the others were observing. the instructor gave a talk about dolphins and how this guy is special for being able to be here. however, i received a map of the pool in my "UI" . it showed the lay out but also random head icons of high roller, and so, very autistically, i keep trying to make my way to those locations

only to find... NOTHING. and of course when i thought i finally saw hr my alarm rings and i wake the fuck up!

fun

there was also a part of the dream during the school trip parts where some kid supposedly died choking to a odd mysterious black piece in a big mlp toy set???? SURE, DREAMS, SURE

#guzma's dream journal

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arcimoniousaltheon · 9 months

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Zero-Two is a nightmare

(It's super long and ranty btw) So I recently watched Darling in the Franxx since I saw the memes a while back and overall, good anime. Definitely a recommendation if you haven't watched it and like mecha animes and romance. However the main character dynamic is just so disturbed. If you haven't seen it and plan to, full spoilers below the breakpoint. If you want the romance 'ruined' though try to keep this question in mind (Yes I'm drawing it out so you can stop reading): "Does she actually know Hiro's name?"

I'll be honest, I didn't think I got off on the right foot with the show. The kiss she forced on him without Hiro knowing what it was already rubbed me the wrong way and somehow that managed to be the least of her problems. In the first half of the show the 'relationship' is one-sided, with Hiro moving heaven and earth for her while she's clearly just using him. At no point does she actually show care for him as a person, for his well-being or for his relation with other people. Even the feeding him at the table, which is the most relation-y thing I can remember her doing, is just for her benefit. He doesn't seem into it, he doesn't seem to like steak with honey and she doesn't wait for him to eat, she forces him to.

Zero-Two acts cold, dismissive with no concern for other people and her relationship with Hiro is nothing but 'greed'. She 'loves' him like a dragon loves gold. Not for any intrinsic value, both want to have it so no-one else can. She doesn't care whether he lives or dies to such a degree that when she has to pick between 'an itch for battle' and his last few minutes on this planet, she picks the former. Other people's lives just don't count to her. She's caused the deaths of multiple people and she can't even be bothered to remember for 24 hours with a living reminder in eyesight.

Another thing is that at no point in the entire show does she take any responsibility for what she's done. The narrative keeps forgiving her but she never actually bothers to learn her lesson. The only even possible exception I can think of is at the start of the second half after the Hand comes down. That off-screen conversation is the only spot where it could feasilbly be slotted into. And it's not once or twice, it just continues. She kills Hiro, he survived so it's fine. Insubordination endangering the team, eh. She puts the rest of the team in the hospital, reconciliation is on the table once the scabs are fully formed. And another thing about that hospital scene: Her thought is 'This is my punishment' which just shows you how much she thinks the world revolves around her. It's a logical consequence of how bad she's acting and her mind frames it like it's divine punishment.

But the main thing thing that just didn't leave me after I thought about it is the constant use of 'Darling'. It was super cute in the memes but once I noticed she literally never calls Hiro by his name it became much less sweet. It struck me like a rockstar calling their side-piece-of-the-week 'babe' because they can't be bothered to learn the actual name. With Zero-Two it mostly strikes me as the actual object of her affection. This vague memory of her 'darling'. Every corpse she's squeezed of energy like a capri-sun was just a temporary substitute which was enjoyed as long as they could last. Hiro is no different to her.

You might argue that that's just until their shared memory is unlocked and I firmly argue against. I don't think Zero-Two actually loves Hiro, the person, even after that. Nothing much changes about Hiro after that so what is this part she oh-so-suddenly loves now? Is it his sweet personality which he'd been displaying since day 1? Is it his leading position among people she didn't even bother to see as alive before? Why does she 'love' him once she knows that he was the boy who gave her freedom? To me the answer became 'she doesn't, he just changed roles from being a substitute to being the embodiment of her Darling'. She acts better because she's supposed to act lovey-dovey with her Darling. She plays ball with his friends so they don't force the wedge between parasite and host again. Maybe this is a bit too assenine, in fact it almost certainly is. But a healthy relationship tends to provide some actual counter-arguments to this line of thinking.

Some miscellaneous things: She fully intended to rape Hiro on that beach. The interruptions between Hiro and Ichigo were most likely intentionally since her senses are suggested to be excellent. Even in those scenes after the Princess kidnapped Hiro I didn't see concern, just focus on her-her-her.

Overall she can feel like a psychopath who instead of reading the Wolf of Wallstreet, read a sappy romance novel. (And thought that analogy up before the picturebook came to light) The show overall is great, the side-characters more than making up for the more messed up parts of the dynamic. Even the main couple themselves aren't unwatchable since the scenes themselves are sweet enough to be enjoyable. It's just the more I think about it the less sympathetic Zero-Two becomes. It just makes Hiro feel mind-controlled honestly.

The weirdest thought I had was that overall the show feels like a fanfic of another show in which Zero-Two doesn't exist. One where Hiro and Ichigo end up together which the writer of the fanfic really hated for whatever reason. The "I feel nothing" line just felt really egregious to me thought it lines up nicely with this. It'd probably have two seasons with the second being VIRM focused with them under command of the Princess and Hiro under some effect similar to that pulsing tumor-thingy he has during his third ride with Zero-Two. Since Zero-Two takes a decent chunk of the role of the Princess, the VIRM plotline is squished into just a few episodes and of course the central OC solves the issue by blowing up the VIRM homeworld. As opposed to something like Hiro and Ichigo undergoing full Saurification and slumbering underneath the earth for the next wave. I don't know, just some deranged idea to explain why the show feels so centralized on someone with surface level humanity.

Sorry for the rant, I'm probably wrong and/or stupid for it but thanks for reading. (if you did.)

#anime #darling in the franxx #Zero_two #long reads #romance #rambles

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boldlyanxious · 3 years

Text

Mistaken Identity

@sailormarelda apparently your wish is my command

If you enjoy, check out my masterlist

Just her luck that some asshole on the subway dumped his sticky energy drink all over her. It wasn't just wet. It was sticky and soaking through her shirt. Somehow he managed to pour it on her front and back.

He didn't even apologize. He just shoved past her and got off on the next stop.

It was only a few more stops until her stop. She checked her directions again before she climbed the stairs to get to the street. Maybe luck was on her side because there was a vendor right there with shirts for sale and a very inviting looking coffee shop. She bought a shirt and hoped the coffee shop had a decent bathroom for her to clean up in.

She laughed in the mirror at the shirt and artfully tied it so the ab muscles drawn onto the Superboy shirt for where hers were and it still showed off her dark skinny jeans. It was the best she could do to show off her designs on her outing since her blouse was not currently worth seeing. She hoped she could get the drink stain out later.

The barista did a double take when she ordered and looked a bit confused. She clearly wanted to say something but she took a breath and told Marinette the total. They didn't know her here so they wouldn't know that she frequently ordered drinks like that. She could probably chug it and then take a nap but she definitely needed it for the rest of today.

---

Roy was by the back of the counter throwing away his paper cup when he heard a name he knew coming from the baristas,

"If she weren't clearly a girl I would think it was Tim Drake. It's the exact same order too."

"He was here earlier today. He was wearing the same shirt."

"Maybe there is an evil plot in the city and he got turned into a girl."

"Stranger things have happened for sure."

Roy pulled out his phone and tried to text Tim. Girl Tim was on the phone and definitely not reading any messages. He snuck closer to hear the conversation.

"... Definitely got a look for ordering my regular coffee.

…

I've got a new look though. It is guaranteed to protect me from villains.

…

Okay. Well I have my coffee and I'm on my way. I'll see you there."

She hung up and grabbed the coffee. But Roy couldn't just let her leave. Tim needed help and the Bat family would want to know about this right away.

---

Marinette walked down the street happy to have her coffee. It was exactly what she needed. She was already feeling better. She jumped back from the street when a car suddenly came right at her. So much for American traffic coming from the other direction. Luckily her coffee didn't spill.

"Hey, did you need anything?" the driver called out.

"I'm fine," she responded then muttered to herself, "You clearly need driving lessons."

She hoped he didn't hear her because he was suddenly getting out of the car. He was walking towards her and ask her alarm bells were going off in her head.

"Are you sure? We probably need to get you help."

Marinette looked around trying to make a plan. She looked one way and then took off running the other way. That didn't do enough to confuse his reflexes. He grabbed her quickly and closed her into the back seat of his car. She tried the handle and it was locked from the inside.

She had dropped her coffee and her purse before he pushed her back here. He had grabbed the purse off the ground before he got in and sped off but she didn't think she could reach it. He had a flashing light on the car so no one would question his erratic driving.

Maybe she had been confused with a criminal. She would just need to wait it out until she could explain who she was. Her stomach turned when he pulled off the street and into an underground parking area. He went all the way to the lowest level and to the back. There was only one other car and a door. No one was around.

---

Roy didn't know what had happened to Tim but he seemed to have no memory of who he was. Jason had probably contacted the others by now and they could figure out how to help him. Although it would be easier if she weren't fighting while he was trying. He ended up pulling her out of the car by the leg and throwing her over his shoulder.

She was still yelling at him and hitting his back but no one was around to hear before he entered the code and went through the door. He didn't even bother with greeting Jason. He deposited Girl Tim into a safe room and closed the door. They had a 2 way mirror they could use and an intercom system.

By the time he was finished, Jason was already looking through the glass.

"Damn, Tim makes a hot girl. And loud." Jason said.

"Do we have any idea what might have happened?" Roy asked.

"Oracle is searching and the others are coming. I'll let her know about the loss of memory too. That could complicate things for anyone else affected. If people don't know anything happened we will have to rely on missing person reports."

---

Marinette tried not to think of all the warnings she had gotten before moving here. They had been plentiful but she brushed them off. It couldn't be that bad. She knew people who had lived here for years and they said it was mostly over blown. But sure had been here under 3 days and had just been kidnapped in broad daylight.

She knew the guy had been acting weird. She should have run immediately. She should have stopped being polite and thrown her $12 coffee at his face before running away. She tried to be nice and it was going to get her killed.

---

They all took turns looking through the glass at their friend/brother/son. But Girl Tim didn't know any of them. Oracle had confirmed that the coffee shop was the last place Tim's phone had been and Steph had seen him before he left wearing the same shirt. Roy told them about the phone conversation he has heard and it all fit.

Now they just had to figure out what had happened and how to reverse it.

---

Eventually Marinette got tired of taking to the wall. Technically it was an intercom imbedded into the wall but it felt like it because they didn't seem to hear her at all. There were more of them now. She didn't know how many more but it had to be at least 4 separate people. She was pretty sure it was more than that though.

She didn't know what they could possibly want with her.

She flopped down onto the bed and covered her face with the, hopefully clean, pillow and screamed into it. It felt really good. It was exactly what she needed, aside from her coffee and freedom.

But apparently they choose that time to make a move. Hands were on her holding her and moving here. She saw a needle and she did everything she could to fight them. She definitely hit a couple of them but the needle still went into her arm.

She wasn't sure what they were expecting the result to be but she allowed herself to relax against the arms that still held her. One moved to lift her back in while the others filed out of the small room.

She waited until the doorway was clear before she moved. She jumped back up and hit his chin with her head. He was not dazed for nearly long enough but she ran for the door anyway. She was out of the room and halfway to the exit when he caught up with her and pinned her down.

It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Another man walked in right then.

"What is the deal with you all blowing up my phone? I'm trying to get some work done."

The room froze. They all just stared at him until the man pinning her down spoke.

"If you are there and perfectly fine. Then who is this?"

Tags

@theymakeupfairies | @emjrabbitwolf | @vixen-uchiha | @trythisagainlove | @adrestar

#maribat #it's always maribat #humor fic #boldlyanxious #mistaken identity

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ravysu · 3 years

Text

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

#sannin week 2021 #orochimaru #tsunade #jiraiya #sannin #naruto #naruto headcanons

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help-im-a-gay-fish · 3 years

Text

The Night of the First Mistake

Sequel to

Synopsis: pre X-orcist, almost a year after Nightmare's death, Dream is still not on top of his grief and causes him to resort to desperate measures.

Tw mentions of death/dead loved ones.

X-orcist au belongs to me and @zu-is-here

Dreams, Demons and Desires is by me.

Enjoy

Almost a year had past since he'd last seen Nightmare. The skeleton couldn't say he had mourned him, but the news of his death had been unfortunate to say the least. Who could have seen someone like Nightmare dying in such a preventable way? Not him, that's for sure.

He was a friend... Or at least a friendly acquaintance, clearly he'd not been quite close enough to Night's inner circle to be invited to the funeral. He'd never even met Night's brother. Despite that, the news of his parting had deeply saddened him and every so often, he thought of him with a sigh.

A good customer and a good person.

This evening, Nightmare played at his thoughts again, probably drudged up by the anniversary of the accident approaching, he hadn’t meant to make note of the day, but he had. a few weeks would be the anniversary of the day he heard the news.

He thought back to a year ago, a few weeks before his death. The words he’d said about his brother and the increasing frustration about his sinful thoughts. Killer didn't judge him for such feelings, he was no stranger to sin.

Other then that, there was nothing at all strange about this night.

Tonight, just like any night, he was in his shop and the counter. It was a cold October and pretty soon he'd be closing up.

It was dark and chilly in his shop and had a strangely pungent smell, which hit the moment you walked in. A mix of crushed herbs and spices, old books and stale coffee.

An old set of scales sat on the counter top in front of him, as did a till, several glass jars and containers and a large collection of dirty coffee mugs.

Behind him there was a large book case full of many strange books. Ones with faded titles, ones with thick leather bindings, some with large strains spreading across the covers or pieces missing. If you asked him, he'd liked to have said that he'd read all of them... But there were a few he hadn't. He wasn't much of a reader outside of this collection.

As he nursed yet another cup of coffee from the café next door, he tapped his slender skeleton fingers on the counter top. He was bored.

With a glance at the clock, he decided today that he could close up early. It was his shop after all, he made the rules. A small collection of trinkets and charms hung around his neck and clinked together against his old coat, as he got to his feet.

Just as he prepared to take today's earnings from the till to count it, he heard the door and a jingle of the shop bell, indicating someone had entered.

He set an empty eye socket in their direction as they froze, looking nervous.

The person was new, but also something about them was strangely familiar. After scanning them for a moment, his face twisted into a sly smile upon realising who the new comer could be. He turned his face to them fully, staring his pitch eyes right through them. They tensed, which amused him slightly.

"well hello Little Light.... How may I help you"

Dream seemed taken back slightly by the pet name. It wasn't something he was used to. His hands fused with the fastening on his coat.

"uhh Hello.....I’m..... Uh.."

The shop keep chuckled again. Such nervous behaviour wasn't something he saw often from his customers. Looks like it was going to be an interesting night and to think, he was going to close up.

"nervous Lil light?"

Dream once again tensed and shuddered slightly.

"Please.... Don't call me that" he stammered slightly before taking a breath "My name is Dream"

The shop keepers grin got even wider and it made a chill run up Dream's spine. There was something extremely unnerving about this skeleton. Maybe it was the emptiness of his eyes or the strange carvings around them, but Dream was sure that it was more then that.

The atmosphere of the shop was very unsettling and kind of cramped in Dream’s opinion. There were many trinkets, stones, crystals and small animal bones stacked neatly on the shelves. It was this, along with bags of salt and bundles of sage and garlic, that reassured him he was in the right place for what he needed.

"Dream huh?.... Thought so" he said in a low tone "I'm so glad to finally meet you"

The nervous shifting of his hands continued, as Dream once again tensed even further. He was acting friendly, but it still felt ever so slightly...off.

"h-how do you know me?"

"I knew your brother and I'd recognise that pendant I sold him anywhere" he said, with his eyes looking at Dream's chest.

Dreams fingers quickly shot to the star charm hanging from his neck, and gripped it tight. Looks like this was the right place.

"Not to mention there's your golden eyes" he continued, shifting his gaze straight into Dream's eye sockets. It was strange how Dream knew where he was looking, even without eye lights.

"he often talked about them......He was right when he said they were very beautiful if I do say so myself~"

Dreams face blushed slightly, but he felt a familiar twist in this chest at the mention of Nightmare and a sinking feeling when he was reminded how Night felt about him. His brother had often complimented his eyes.....

He'd just never really understood it was more then brotherly affection. At least until now.

"I.... Uh" Dream said before clearing his throat "You're Killer.... Aren't you?"

Flexing his fingers, Killer nodded. The grin didn't leave his face.

"looks like my reputation proceeds me"

Dream let go of his necklace and a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I thought it might be you.... Based off something he wrote in his diary".

Before Night's accident, Dream had never even considered reading his diary. That was just a basic code of conduct. However, after his death, it became something Dream had often thought about. The diary, and everything else Nightmare owned, now belonged to him. For that reason he'd taken the book out of Nightmare's room.

However, he'd just kept it on his bedside table for almost a year before he finally had the courage to read it.

It had mostly been a fond look over some old memories, some good and some bad. But there were also passages about his feelings for Dream, sometimes written confessions addressed him. Every word was full of truth, longing and pain. Dream had felt it all.

Those had been hard to read, but he'd not skipped a single page and read them each through several times.

Nearer the end of the book, Nightmare had started talking about his interest in the supernatural. Dream remembered his twin getting fascinated in that and spending long evenings talking with him about it over tea and biscuits.

One thing Dream hadn't known about, where his trips to the next town over, where he wrote about finding this shop and the shop keep. This had been where the interest started. It was this that had lead Dream to come here.

"right..." Killer said, downing what was left in his coffee mug and setting in on the counter top.

"well.... What can I help you with?"

Yeah.. Nightmare had written that Killer was always one to cut to the point. Dream knew that what he was going to ask sounded insane and he wasn't even fully sure if Killer was the right person to ask. But at this point he was desperate, he just needed to know. With his grip returning to his brothers pendent, he remembered who he was doing this for.

He took a deep breath.

"Can you bring people back from the dead?"

Killer didn't react visibly to that. But he drew out a long silence. After a little Dream was sure he saw his jaw clench. The silence was completely deafening, broken only by the sound of Killer's fingers tapping the counter top. Dream figured that he was probably struggling to think what to say. After what felt like a life time, he spoke.

"I specialise in charms and equipment for preventative measures to stop spirits inhabiting homes....I do not....." he paused

"I don't try and bring the dead to the living realms".

Dreams face fell. He really shouldn't have been so disappointed, it was a crazy ask. But with the way Killer spoke and what he sold in the shop, he'd felt so close to what he wanted. But maybe it really was just impossible.

He felt tears threatening to spill, he just couldn't take all this guilt anymore. All he wanted to do was tell his brother he was sorry. That night. That kiss. That dam horribly wonderful kiss...and that car.

"however...." Killer continued.

Dream felt hope flush through at those words and stood up slightly straighter. Killer turned his back to dream and started looking over the bookshelves behind the counter.

He didn't say a word, as Dream curiously watched him. He ran his thumb across the spines of several of the oldest and most dusty looking of them, eventually plucking out a large leather bound book with silver straps.

He walked back over, blowing dust off it as he did, and set it down on the counter with a light thud. The cover was extremely dusty and the leather was cracked and split in several places, yet the title still read fairly clearly and Dreams felt his heart skipped a beat.

The Practice of a Necromancer. Vol one of three. Summoning, Controlling and Banishing.

"I've not read this one fully, but it's been in my collection for years.... I suppose this would be the right place to look"

With that, he slowly opened the book and very carefully started to turn its pages. The paper was completely yellowed and clearly very fragile. There were no photographs, only hand done drawings of various items and also what looked like people, but with strange and uncanny faces. There were also other frightening images that Dream was trying not to look at.

Killer eventually stopped and ran his finger across a page.

"ah ha" he said "to summon a spirit into the living world"

He read over the text for a moment, as Dream watched impatiently. Killer knitted his non-existent eyebrows and narrowed his eyes.

"this stuff sounds overly complicated to me..... so I guess I'm not sure really"

But Dream didn't really seem to be playing much attention to Killer's words now. He was so desperately trying to read the text upside-down. Reading was something that Dream always struggled with anyway, so reading upside down would be near impossible. He reached forward to try and pull the book to him.

But he jumped back in surprise as Killer slapped his hand across the book, sending some dust into the air.

"now now now not so hasty Lil Light" he said returning back to a sweet tone, as he said the a pet name that made Dream's toes curl.

In his haste Dream had forgotten that this was a shop, not a library, so of course he wouldn't just hand it over.

The smaller skeleton knew that the book was probably pricey so it's not like Killer would just let him have it. It was clearly very old and Dream worried that he wouldn't have enough for it, but if he had to pay all the money he had to buy it. He would.

Reaching inside of his pocket, Dream pulled out a bundle of paper money and placed it on the counter and next to the book. Killer looked at it for a moment, before he took it and counted how much money was in the bundle. He ran his fingers across the notes, looking as if he was very tempted and contemplating his next move.

But then, much to Dream's disappointment, he put it back down on the counter.

"I don't want your money dream... That's not what I meant"

An unhappy wine left Dream's mouth, as Killer proceeded to hand his money back to him. Just as he was about to ask why, Killer cut him off.

"it's not for sale"

"but what if I just borro-

"or for rent or loan"

Dreams soul twisted. This felt so Incredibly unfair. He wasn't ever one to really get angry or feel hatred for people. But why had Killer gotten this book down if he didn't intend to sell it? Was he just trying to mess with him?

It was that moment that he wasn't sure he really liked Killer all that much.

He sighed.

"h-how come? Can I do anything to change your mind?"

Killer sadly shook his head.

"Dream....... I like to read the stuff for research purposes not for a practical use"

Dream opened his mouth to object, but killer silenced him.

"and I don't care what you say... but I don't think you're just interested in the topic"

Dream tried very hard not to show disappointment on his face, but of course Killer picked up on it. It upset him that his intentions were so easy to guess. Then again he'd opened with 'can you bring people back from the dead'.

He really should have asked in a different way. Feeling like an idiot, he tried to say that he wasn't intending to use the book in practice. But Killer once again shook his head.

He stood up slightly and gave Dream a sympathetic look, or a sympathetic as he could make it through his cold eyes.

"look....I know you miss him and that's ok I've lost people myself to" he said in a uncharacteristically gentle tone, which sounded fake.

Dream looked at his feet.

"but the dead need to be left dead. Trying to bring them back never ends well, Nightmare wouldn't want you to get hurt trying to help him"

Dreams eyes stayed fixed on the floor, not wanting to look at killer any longer. He didn't want him to see him cry. He didn't want to look like a baby. Just as he was going to try arguing again, behind him he heard the shop door open and the bell ring

He looked back at Killer seeing he'd straightened up.

"K-killer...." came a soft but slightly panicked voice.

Curiously, Dream looked over his shoulder at the source of the voice. It was another skeleton stood by the door.

In all his life, Dream had never seen someone look to tired. They seem to be slightly younger then Dreams age but it was hard to tell how much. Their appearance was clearly young, but the huge bags under their eyes aged their face several years. The most notable thing about them was that their eye lights where small, indicating that they were on edge.

They were wearing a oversized cream knitted sweater and had a maroon scarf decorated with a paw print pattern tide around their neck. They fiddled with it as their eyes a looked at Killer and then to Dream.

From where he was, Dream could also see them wearing several of the necklaces and charms that Killer a sold, as well as a few layers of bandages around their arms.

Killer hastily exited from behind the counter and approached them.

"Hey Cappuccino......." he said, trying again to sound soft.

Ccino wasted no time in burying his head to Killers chest and wrapping his arms around him.

In response, Killer stumbled slightly and looked momentarily taken back and very uncomfortable. After a moment he sigh, before gently placing an hand on his back.

"hey.....it's ok ya wimp... I'm guessing they're back right?"

Ccino simply nodded, Killer sighed.

"Dream can you show yourself out? I've got to take care of this, we're closing anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't help you better"

As Killer attempted to comfort the shaking skeleton, Dream turned his attention back to the book in front of him. It was just within his reach, the page was tantalising.

It was so clear, a set instructions of the exact thing he'd need to do to reach his goal.

Killer's warning played in his mind.

But he knew what he was doing right? It was his brother, what did Killer really know about what Nightmare would have wanted. He didn't know how.... Close... They were. At least he thought he knew.

It was a split second choice.

As Killer continued to try and comfort his companion, he saw Dream hastily exit the shop without saying another word. He stared at the door.

It didn't feel right.

He narrowed his eyes and stepped back from Ccino slightly.

"hang on"

He walked back to the counter and was relieved to see that the book was still there, however a moment later he noticed something else that make him freeze and curse under his breath.

"what's wrong?" Ccino asked, walking up next to him.

Killer didn't answer and instead picked up his book and looked at it closely to confirm what he saw. When he saw he was right, he near growled.

"Killer?" Ccino asked not seeing the problem.

"look....."Killer said quietly.

He ran his finger down the spine where the pages joined together. Once you looked closely you could see the remnants of torn paper sticking out.

"he took the page"

references coming soon.

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your-brilliant-lady-m · 3 years

Text

Part 5 - Basic Concepts of Miraculous Ladybug: Guardians

Helloooo! Did you think I was done? No!

My PhD thesis chapters were approved last week, so have some celebratory meta. I haven't seen the latest Season 4 episodes, so do forgive me for not being up to date.

Welcome to the next part of my analysis of the basic concepts of Miraculous Ladybug. Today we are talking about Master Fu, Order of the Guardians and how little everything here makes sense. I highly recommend reading previous parts to fully understand this one, but I'll try to quote most parts of earlier posts.

Order of the Guardians

Order is an international and ancient organisation (New York Special showed us the guardian from North America and he was dressed like Su Han). Presumably, Miraculous jewels were created by these people. Guardians are responsible for the preservation of jewels and knowledge about them. They also distribute Miraculouses to worthy people around the world to combat mostly magical threats, but sometimes jewels are used against normal threats too. It's implied that Master Fu used Miraculouses during WW2 when he was in Paris. Perhaps he performed some spywork with Marianne, but the magical nature of his interferences was discovered and he was forced to flee, before returning to France many decades later.

Why does the Order need so many people to take care of a 3 Miracle Boxes? If its only purpose is to preserve knowledge, keep magical secrets and distribute Miraculous jewels then wouldn't it be more logical to have Master-Apprentice system? It's much easier to keep magic knowledge a secret and train a few people in martial arts than doing the same in the self-sufficient temple full of people, keeping in mind that a good part of them are teenagers and children, who are bad at keeping secrets. Also a single person can travel around the world much easier to give out Miraculouses. Imagine that we have a few active guardians traveling the world with Boxes. What do other people at the temple do in the meantime? They teach the next generation about the powers of each Miraculous and Mirakung Fu, but besides that?

Master-Apprentice system gives us more personal conflict between Fu and his mentor and makes his relationship with Marinette and Adrien more nuanced. In this scenario Fu accidentally caused the death of his Master at 14 because he wasn't careful. It makes sense for him to take on only 1 or 2 students if this is how things were done with Miraculous Guardians. This Wang Fu is very cautious and protective, he spent the majority of his life afraid of hurting someone else and never took an apprentice as a result. But now he is ready to try again, since he is not getting any younger and he likes these 2 kids. He wants them to succeed. Maybe Master Fu, becomes the father figure for Adrien in this situation and a guide for Marinette. Just think about it. This way writers avoid the need to develop all these extra characters (Su Han) and traditions related to the Order. All inconsistencies I mentioned before and later in this post are gone now! Hell, even memory loss and the changing of the Miracle Box shape could make more sense. We also raise the stakes post-amnesia, if it happens of course (the whole Season 3 finale didn't make sense, so stay tuned for my next meta). Marinette and Adrien are on their own now, there's no one who can give them answers. It's very fun scenario, which has potential to be brilliant. Any thoughts on that?

The existence of Order of the Guardians is not quite a secret, at least it wasn't in XIX century China. Master Fu in "Feast" says that guardianship was considered "a great honor". It implies that people who lived close to the temple of the Order knew about Miraculouses and what exactly guardians did for the greater good.

The existence of other Miracle Boxes around the world makes sense from a real-life perspective. Writers have the ability to create many stories set in the same universe and use them for merchandise and an almost unlimited amount of content. Judging by the unholy amount of specials in production, this is exactly what the creators are going to do. It probably won't go down well, but who knows?

However, it doesn't work in our main story. The main conflict is Paris-centred. Gabriel's motivations revolve around Emilie's resurrection and Season 4 gives us more reasons to suspect that Adrien's mom wasn't as wonderful as everyone says. Hawkmoth still remains the main villain of the show and most likely it's going to stay that way. There's no point in moving the main story to different places for the sake of introducing more Miracle Boxes from around the world. Ladybug and Chat Noir aren't needed to fight something halfway across the world unless Hawkmoth also changes locations.

LB and CN are centrepieces of this franchise. They brought success and money to ZAG. Creators constantly need to remind the audience that this new piece of media with new characters who will never be mentioned again is connected to Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. Writers have to come up with reasons to include our heroic duo into the story even if makes no sense.

New York Special had to introduce American Heroes whose names rarely come up in the fandom because people stopped caring about them or their stories shortly after the release of the Special. I barely saw any content dedicated to them. In order to bring LB and CN into the story, you have to include Hawkmoth too. Gabriel suddenly needs to get his hands on the Eagle Miraculous and goes to USA. Marinette and Adrien suddenly have a class trip to New York. Unfortunately, their presence in this story is required only to expand the world of Miraculous and attract fans of the show, so that they could keep an eye on new content related to newly introduced characters.

In the end, it's not their story. Events of the special don't affect main story of the show and the development of the love square is merely an illusion, because Adrien and Marinette are no closer than before. In season 4 LB and CN are growing apart and their test of trust in NY Special doesn't matter. Perhaps, some people don't see it that way and it's their right, but I find it hard to see NYS as a valid contribution to canon. I mean, even people in large portion of the fandom state in the tags on AO3 that "specials are not canon", "specials didn't happen" or "ignores both specials". It speaks volumes about continuity and preferences of your fandom.

Shanghai Special didn't give us more information about the Order, which is located in China, history of Miraculous jewels. We still don't know much about how Gabriel and Emilie found Peacock and Butterfly. Maybe, Marinette's family had connections to Miraculous jewels. Maybe, Adrien does some snooping and discovers research his parents made while Gabriel is away. All of these are relevant to the main story. However, we got something much different in the end.

Marinette chases Adrien across the globe and they make new friends. Fey becomes Ladydragon and now has a direct contact with Marinette through her uncle. Gabriel's desire to get his hands on the Prodigious comes out of nowhere. Apparently, he had been planning this trip for years, presumably even before Adrien was born. It probably happened at the same time as Agrestes found 2 Miraculouses. He bought bracelet-key (which is also a Miraculous apparently, but its Kwami is a Guardian of the Prodigious and they existed separately for a very long time - and let us not dwell on this mess) from some shady mafia boss, who can easily find out just who Gabriel really is (fashion designer billionaire) and use this information to blackmail him. This Special didn't answer important questions, but it gave us a new superhero character.

The real question is whether Miraculous as a project will survive long enough for writers to create content for every minor character they introduced in all specials. This is only a beginning after all.

Miraculous is not a global show and it can't be globalised in a way that makes sense, at least with Ladybug and Chat Noir in the centre of action. Case closed.

Mirakung Fu

I liked the idea of Mirakung Fu introduced in "Furious Fu". It makes sense and things rarely do in this show. Miraculous grants its holder superhuman strength, stamina, endurance and ability to fight. This means that essentially transformed heroes are guided by magic in combat. There's nothing personal in the way Miraculous holders fight. You can predict their moves and learn how to fight this magic guidance, which is what Su Han does.

However, if the holder has any special training, skills or knows any martial art in their civilian life then they become more dangerous opponents during transformation because now their fighting is a mix of magical moves and their personal knowledge, tricks and style. Therefore, Adrien and Kagami as skilful fencers have more chances of winning against someone who knows Mirakung Fu than Marinette, for example.

Memory loss

At the end of season 3, we find out several things:

apparently, now Miracle Box can change appearance to suit its guardian;

when Guardian passes down the Miracle Box to someone else, they lose memories not only about everything related to Miraculous, but also about pretty much everything in their life (Fu doesn't recognise Marianne, instead he experiences the love at first sight)

Master Fu trains Marinette to be the proper holder and next Guardian off-screen. He says that her training as the holder is complete in "Feast" and wants her to become the next Guardian. Fu told her lots of things, and yet, he never mentioned the fact that he would lose his memory after relinquishing the box, nor the fact that Marinette would lose her memory afterwards. She finds out about this from Wayzz after the battle with Miracle Queen and the letter that Master Fu gave her. That's not proper training! How on Earth do you forget to mention this memory loss? How?

Master Fu's amnesia is a convenient plot device that removes him from the narrative almost completely. That's mostly all there is to it. Why? Because it doesn't make sense.

Fu was around 7 or 8 when he started his training. The disaster at the temple happened when he was 14. He stated that his training was never complete, which means that he never passed any magical ritual, never swore an oath or was bound by some kind of spell that made him subjected to the rule of memory loss.

Miracle Boxes belonged to the order, not Fu. Their design reflected their country of origin because these Miraculous were made and kept in China. They were just standing there on the shelves not magically bound to anyone in particular. When Feast attacked, monks just tossed Wang Fu the miracle box and grimoire. No one at the temple lost their memory after Fu took the box with him (Su Han is the proof). Su Han not only remembers Fu and his mistake but everything that happened that fateful day as well. In "Furious Fu" Marinette explains Su Han that Master Fu lost his memory in the very first conversation they have. However, after Ladybug and Chat Noir fight Su Han on the roof and escape with the Miracle Box, the latter searches for Fu and attempts to take his staff from him. In this scene, Su Han acts like Fu knows very well what is going on and who he is.

Su Han should be aware of the memory loss rule as the Celestial Guardian. He remarks on the different shape of the Mother Miracle Box and calls her "incorrect", which means that Su Han should have been able to easily tell that previous Guardian lost his memory and the Miracle Box is now bound to someone else. But he doesn't say anything. Moreover, since Su Han is supposed to know about amnesia, he seemed awfully chill about forcing this 14-year-old girl in front of him to give up the box and her memories. Hell, Chat Noir wasn't on board with this. But we get zero reaction from Su Han.

During the first conversation between Marinette and Su Han, he doesn't ignore what she is trying to say, instead he actively comments on every word. Even if Su Han didn't listen when Marinette told him about Fu's memory loss, than he still should be able to understand that Fu doesn't recognise him, because of common sense and the "incorrect" shape of the box. But nothing of the sort happens. Because writers apparently forgot that "memory loss" is supposed to be known to everyone in the Order. On-screen it looks like Su Han is not aware of the "amnesia rule".

"Furious Fu" makes the concept of memory loss a plothole no matter how you look at it. Just like "Timetagger" and "Chat Blanc", as well as "Kwamibuster" this episode is not consistent within itself. It does not surprise me, however.

Grimoire and Guardian Staffs

Let's talk about the Miraculous Grimoire. Good things first.

There are no illustrations of Miraculouses in camouflage. Kwami can't read its contents, only guardians can. Certain elements are written in riddles as an additional precaution. The book contains only the information people have learned so far, which means that Miraculouses have more unexplored potential ("Mr. Pigeon 72"). It describes powers of each Miraculous, provides information about weapons, has instructions for potions that don't make sense (see previous parts).

Unfortunately, everything is about to go downhill from here.

Guardians are taught how to read the writing in this book. They can read it just like people learn to read texts in a different language. This means that one can read Grimoire like any other book (you don't need to consult some guide to decode each letter or word). Master Fu proclaimed Marinette an almost fully trained Guardian. He should have taught her how to read the Grimoire then (he doesn't know the code very well, but he knew enough to understand the general meaning and content of the book according to "Collector"). He didn't. We don't know why. He shows her powers of every Miraculous but doesn't teach her the code.

Master Fu knows that Grimoire now belongs to Gabriel Agreste. He knows that it's dangerous for someone else to have it. If they knew how to read the Grimoire, they could discover all secrets of Miraculouses and harm Ladybug, Chat Noir and other heroes. It's very important to keep the information about the code top secret because Fu is not the only one with the source material.

What does he do then? Master Fu proceeds to write a French translation of Grimoire for Marinette, a translation that he doesn't even need. He carries it with him at all times on a tablet (without any precautions) just like the Miracle box after "Feast". Naturally, it means that in "Miracle Queen", Gabriel and Nathalie easily managed to get their hands on the tablet and Miracle Box. It allows the plot to happen, sure. But it doesn't make any sense.

"Furious Fu" created another curious plot hole. It will probably be ignored, of course. Su Han has a staff with a magical compass that allows him to find any Miracle box, but not the Miraculous jewels for some reason. How does the staff work? Can it locate the box without the Miraculous? If yes, then it seems useless. What's the point in the ability to locate an empty box? If it can locate the box only with the Miraculous jewels inside, it implies that the staff can track the location of every Miraculous too. So, Su Han could just locate the Butterfly and Peacock without any problem. But he talks about reassigning Ladybug and Black Cat to adults and defeating Hawkmoth like locating the Butterfly is not possible. This situation makes the Guardian Staff a simple plot device that creates plot holes and its only purpose is to explain how Su Han found Marinette.

Also, I have a few more words to say about this. Master Fu had a Guardian Staff that was never mentioned before. I wonder why? That's because the staff didn't exist before "Furious Fu" was written. Writers just went: "Do you know what would be cool? If Fu's cane was really a secret Guardian Staff with a compass all along that he decided to keep even after he lost his memory? It would make people wonder whether Master Fu is faking amnesia, and everyone will definitely call him an awful mentor after this even though we kind of tried to make him a good and responsible person."

Fu didn't give it to Marinette and didn't mention it to her. Why? When he gave up his memory, he should have written about this in his letter at least. Why did he decide to keep it? He can't use it anyway now.

Please note how in the flashbacks Fu didn't take any staff with him when he escaped the temple. Su Han seemed to know how Fu's staff looked like. It means that Master Fu didn't make this staff himself, because it belonged to the Order.

Su Han wasn't even surprised that Marinette didn't have the staff as the current Guardian. Was she not supposed to have it? He never questioned the fact that the former Guardian without memories has the staff. Su Han actually returns this staff to Fu after he is deakumatized and Fu acts like they have never met before. Why did Su Han gave the staff back when he knows what it is and to whom it should belong (to him or to Marinette as the current Guardian)? The staff is useless in the hands of the civilian. Does Marianne know about its secret? We'll probably never find out, unfortunately.

Guardian Staff of Master Fu has a compass too and therefore this also makes it a plot device, just like Su Han's staff.

#miraculous ladybug #ml #miraculous analysis #miraculous meta #ml meta #ml analysis #miraculous critical #miraculous ladybug critical #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #mt of lb and cn #miraculous guardian #miraculous order of guardians #master fu #miraculous master fu #wang fu #miraculous su han

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demonslayedher · 3 years

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Your content on Kny is interesting, being a Kny fan I would like to share a cusiority. During the final battle did you notice that the Hashira were passive about the death of some? When Shinobu died only Tanjiro had a reaction because of how busy he was; Mitsuri didn't seem sad and when Iguro remembered who died in the middle of the final battle he didn't even mention her. What did you think? It would have been nice if Gotouge had shown us what the Hashira's thought when the others died

[cont.] I'm the anonymous person who asked you the question about the Hashira who fell in the fight, Tumblr makes people write very little. Apart from Tanjiro they seemed cold to me, even for Tokito; the only one affected was Himejima; when always Iguro mentioned him during the clash with Muzan it was like he was thinking normally. There wasn't time to mourn for the dead but I was expecting a slightly deeper reaction. Anyway for Shinobu yes there was Inosuke and Kanao but the pillars are important too

Thank you for the Ask, time to get into it! This served as a good excuse to flip back through of a lot of the later volumes... or rather, a huge chunk of the series. Short Answer: I don’t think Mitsuri knew about Shinobu’s death. Longer Answer: A walk-through of the Pillars’ situations in the final showdown and a partial analysis of Kimetsu-style story pacing.

Disclaimer: I finished this around 2am. I chose to leave it rambling and unedited and typo-ridden. HAVE MY FEELS, I’M DISHING THEM.

(Disclaimer: This isn’t meant to be a plug for my own fics, but since they are born out of my emotional experience of canon, mentions will make their way in. U fu fu.) First, absolutely yes on there being no time to mourn. From the moment the Ubuyashiki Mansion blows up in volume 16 to the actual end of the fighting in volume 23, that is one hell of a night; this final arc(s) had NO CHILL. Like, wow. It’s been a long time since I followed another battle-driven manga, but that seems like a lot, especially for a relatively short series. And I was initially happy to dismiss all the lack of satisfying sadness as being due to the fact that they are in *PANIC MODE* and entirely focused on fighting, but that is also not necessarily the case; they do come off slightly cold. I want to touch a bit on what we want to see the characters mourn each other, but also why I think it works out a bit better that we didn’t; from a purely narrative standpoint. LET THEM BE SAD: Parasocial Needs Science says we form bonds with fictional characters that affect our brains in very similar and impactful ways, so our feelings are legit when they get killed off. It affects us like a breakup or other goodbye and makes us crave closure. As for my own assumptions, we look for proxy characters in-universe to give those characters we love the attention we wish to; their sadness validates our sadness, watching them get emotional can be super cathartic, and a good mourning arc can provide satisfying closure. This is something we got with Rengoku, canonically loved by like, everyone. Hell, even the guy who killed him was sad. Just to rub salt into it, the most recent fanbook that includes a section about how the Pillars see each other, and it drives home that even if we never saw much or any canon interaction between him and any other given character, they’re all like, “Oh yeah, Rengoku, he’s a great guy.” And, he’s the only character we really get space to mourn, pacing-wise. First, because of when it happens in the plot, this gives the story time to show us each and everyone one of the Pillars hearing the news; it gives them times to process it (which Tokitou clearly needed), and most of us, it takes us in depth through how it affects Tanjirou, our main character whose emotions that we, the readers, are most in touch with. Rengoku got star treatment in the way he was mourned, and we readers get to lap that up. So then when we don’t get that in-universe star mourning treatment, it does feel a bit jarring by comparison. Gotouge did say she was sorry to hurt everyone, but these are the conditions the little humans were up against all along and a point driven home again and again; even with power on par with demons through the attainment of a mark; even Pillars are just breakable humans who will never be able to regenerate like demons can, hence why their stakes are so much higher in every battle they go into. Furthermore, the Pillars are more ready for this than anyone else, they of all the characters would be the best at keeping their emotions in check in the heat of a battle. Which means they had to keep them in check for seven volumes of near constant battle, love it or hate it. KIMETSU LOGIC: The Writing Sins That Make This Manga What It Is I could go on and on and on and on about the writing sins this manga commits and how it shows that it’s Gotouge’s first time writing something of this length. In manga not all of it can be blamed on the author alone because the editors have a very significant influence, but yeah, this is not the most amazingly crafted story out there, by a long shot. Would I change any of it, though? Well, a few things, yes, of course, out of personal preference. But on the whole, no. It’s the collective errors that stamp KnY with its style and make it what it is, and I find it as endearing as all the randomly super goofy art. Now, when it comes to the lack of Pillars reacting to new of each others’ deaths, I wouldn’t necessarily classify that itself as a fault, and if I were Gotouge’s editor, I probably would have encouraged her to keep it to a minimum too. After all, I would be considered with selling a new shot of tension with every week’s installment to keep any readers from getting bored with the constant battle. And dang it, THAT TENSION WAS HIGH, those battles were remarkably emotional and tense through and through. The breaks in tension that we got were necessarily and not distracting, with the notable exception of Iguro’s past. That was clumsy placement. I’ll be honest, I didn’t bond with Iguro as much as a character because he lost his earlier chances to be appealing to me, and by the time the chapter with his flashback came out, I DIDN’T CARE, I waited anxiously all week to see what was happening to Tanjiro and was invested enough to have an appetite for the additional Sumiyoshi and Yoriichi bits, but dang it, Snake Pillar was getting in the way of what my emotions were primed for at that point. But, such is the way of fickle weekly readers; with THAT MUCH tension going on, readers crave a little breather here and there with a look at who else might taking in a breather in a flashback. We got bits and pieces of that mostly through flashback, like Tamayo’s memories of conversation with Shinobu experienced in real time through Muzan, as well as in-real-time moments with the characters having very slight chances to catch their breath (no pun intended). But, how well those breaths worked depending on each character, and how the readers’ emotions were getting slammed week to week. Just like how I as a weekly reader (by that point) had no appetite for an Iguro flashback while eager to move forward, there likewise would have been limited appetite for mourning, and we’re stuck with who we got as proxy characters to react through. ACTION, REACTION: The Rhythm of Basic Writing Advice It has often been said that in writing, something should happen in a scene, and the next scene should be a reaction to it. In the next scene something new happens, and likewise, there is a reaction. We could also thing of this as stages within the same scene, like the part when the music changes or the moment the battle has ended but we’re still on the battlefield. In Rengoku’s case, we got one big happening, and then a whole lot of reaction drizzled through the story after that. In the Infinity Fortress case, we get a big happening with the Ubuyashiki Mansion blowing up and then--a big happening!--a big happening!--a big happening--! A--uh oh, there’s a reactio---NEVERMIND, THINGS ARE STILL HAPPENING, GOTOUGE, PLEASE, THIS HURTS, OW, OW, HOW ARE YOU SO CRUEL, WE GET IT, THIS SITUATION IS AWFUL, PLEASE STOP HURTING THEM---

The reactions are there, scattered throughout. They’re short, but they sure make themselves count. While Tanjirou is our Empathy Personified hero, it’s natural that we get more of his reactions, but the lack of them in other characters is, I would say, a natural fault of having a huge cast to work with it. Once you start dragging too many other characters into the reactions, the actions have trouble moving forward, and with the level of seven volumes worth of tension it’s the actions that keep readers hooked and buying magazines. THEY’RE ONLY CORVIDS, OK: Now We’re Actually Looking At Canon Details Now that all being said, although it’s easy to dismiss a lot of Kimetsu Logic as amateurish at first, on further reflection, the little worldbuilding logic does excuse itself for not plunging each of the characters into a period of reaction to actions happening elsewhere. Not all the birds had Yushiro’s papers. Not all birds were created equal. It’s really hard to navigate that place. Ergo, communication was probably highly imperfect; not all the crows knew everything going on. We don’t feel that as readers because we’re seeing Kiriya and his sisters get all the available communications. In Iguro and Mitsuri’s case in particular, I suspect that might not even had been Mitsuri’s crow (as that one has a distinct personality and accessory) giving her orders to gather where Muzan is. It was probably any old down-to-business crow working with the information it had as clearly as it could in the battle that was most difficult to physically navigate. If Mitsuri’s crow (named Urara in the most recent fanbook) had been there, I imagine she’d have been having difficulty that whole time to even stay within a close range of that battle. Furthermore, a crow like that with a strong bond with Mitsuri might had also judged that telling her about Shinobu’s death was a dangerous distraction, and chosen to withhold information. The fanbook specifies that Iguro’s crow Yuuan was the one who told him about how Tokitou got a red blade (in fact, this is basically the only thing said of this crow besides its name and gender). To able to report in such detail that Iguro could analyze that Tokitou attained the red blade by the strength of his grip, that probably quite an accomplishment to have either witnessed that much, or to pass on crucial information that detailed and quickly. At that time, Iguro and Mitsuri were physically separated and she was distracted by the crow giving her orders to gather where Muzan was, so she might not even have overheard that Tokitou had died. As for Iguro, the second fanbook tells us that because Tokitou was young he had hoped he wouldn’t die. There was no opportunity to mourn him, and they weren’t close enough for that to throw him off much from battle, but on a Pillar to Pillar level, I think the amount of thought Iguro did dedicated to Tokitou showed a certain level of esteem for him and regret at this passing. What would have been nice? Maybe a little look over his shoulder to Mitsuri like “I hope she didn’t hear that.” That would have revealed a tender side of Iguro in a very short use of panels. I want to come back to analyzing Mitsuri’s reaction later, so let’s keep focusing on the loss of Tokitou. Once he attained more of his sense of self back, it seems he preferred the company of Corp Members closed to him in age (if we go by his little flashbacks, which in true Kimetsu Logic, are things we didn’t know about until they come up in flashbacks). Most of the Pillars weren’t especially close with him, even if they did care about his wellbeing, as they seemed particular aware of how young he was. Sanemi probably had never interacted much with Tokitou until that battle, and *OKAY, HERE IT IS, THE UPCOMING FANFIC SELF-PLUG* one of the things I really liked working with in my post-canon fic is that there’s a point at which thinking about Tokitou forces Sanemi to deal with all the trauma he’s buried from that battle. I figure it would hit him later; he had a good excuse of a distraction. Ugh. Man. My heart hurts again thinking of that chapter. Let’s also not forget, after Himejima showed his respects for Tokitou both quickly and sincerely, he couldn’t allow Sanemi to deal with Genya’s death until after everything was over. All the Pillars had to think like this. What would had been nice? I liked this reaction scene to two simultaneous and horrific deaths exactly as it was. Ow. Ahhhh. Owwwwww, it’s hurting again. This is catharsis exactly the way I like it. Let’s keep going with Himejima, the only one to have known to expect all this, and who stayed ready and likely hoped to bring down Muzan all by himself without any other sacrifices (welp, so much for that). There’s a scene in the novels that implies he had some idea that Shinobu wasn’t intending to make it out of the upcoming battle(s) alive, and I imagine he felt the same regret and bitter acceptance in advance that he also felt with Ubuyashiki. If we heard the news about Shinobu like Tanjirou and Giyuu did, I imagine he was hurt but it wouldn’t have been noticeable, and he probably would not be surprised even at how quickly it happened. What would had been nice? Anything. Just a “How pitiful” and some tears as he runs through the halls woulda’ been great. So since Giyuu did hear it loud and clear with Tanjirou, I first want to point out that whether that was Tanjirou’s crow or not (might not had been, because his crow was busy with a letter delivery from Senjurou at the time too), that crow must had loved to shared details; maybe even details that were not necessary. Like, would telling the lower level Corp members everything really help? Wouldn’t the loss of each Pillar make them lose their nerve? Was it because that crow was wearing one of Yushiro’s papers that it had to report extra detail for Ubuyashiki HQ? Whatever the case, Giyuu is initially shocked about Shinobu and then is like, “what is that paper the crow has? It sure is reporting things fast.” What would have been nice? ANYTHING MORE THAN ONE PANEL OF SHOCK. Come on, Giyuu, give the GiyuuShino shippers S O M E T H I N G. Granted, if Tanjirou had been killed in battle with Akaza, I believe Giyuu would have had an initial outburst of emotion, but then gotten himself under control real quick and stayed that way until it was safe to break down (which he did immediately later on, since the threat was gone--but he was just as soon picking up a sword and stabbing him, so again, Pillar-mode must come before experiencing emotions). I interpret canon as that even though Giyuu might had found it easily to address Shinobu in conversation due to frequency in how much they had conversed and the fact that she would usually talk to him first, he would never had considered himself especially close with her (since he never saw himself close with any of the Pillars). I feel their relationship had potential to grow closer if Giyuu had actually gone out of his way to communicate more with her, and he probably would had if they both survived, but at the time she died he probably still felt a distance, which is why it did him harder when Tanjirou--someone who Giyuu did actually get to a point of enjoying conversation with--was dead right in front of him. (Side not, oh man, OH MAN, being a weekly reader was so tough then. I still have so many emotions from that week. Oh man. Oof. Ouch.)

Of note, Giyuu had the best opportunity for reflection on a comrade’s death since he had enough recovery time once he woke up to build a fire and treat wounds, and Tanjirou took that chance to read a letter.

What would have been nice? AGAIN, GIYUU, ANYTHING, but after that battle I think he deserved to disassociate a bit. Also of note, I don’t know that they had complete information either, because NO ONE (by “no one” I mean Tanjirou and Inosuke) seemed to hear anything about Zenitsu single-handedly killing Upper Moon Six and surviving it. What would had been nice: “Good for you, Zenitsu, I hope you’re okay” or “Six? Again? Didn’t we already do that? There was a third??” or “well I got Upper Moon Two SO THERE” or “..........are you sure?” or even way, way after all is said and done, off in epilogue times, “you fought WHO by YOURSELF???” but I digress. Now back to Shinobu, losing her so early on in this marathon of high-stakes battles made her death seem forever ago by the time we got to another Pillar death. It would had been nice for more of them to react both with “no, not Shinobu!” and “we are in deep trouble” sort of ways. That made the glimpses we got of her in flashback feel way, way more nostalgic, since for our experiences as readers, she had already been gone a very long time. I like that the battle with Douma got stretched over so long a span of the manga, they really showed the stakes in how difficult of a foe he was, even if that battle was itself was relatively shorter than others. And as stand-ins for the readers to mourn Shinobu, I love how we got that both through Kanao and through Inosuke. But yes, it sure would had been nice to get something from... Mitsuri. Now, if I had only read the events of canon, manga chapter to manga chapter, and even the Taisho Secrets, I still never would have guessed that Shinobu and Mitsuri had such a warm friendship. I know this purely from the fanbooks and novels, and that is something I find a writing error that detracts a lot from the work. Some of the most apt criticism I’ve heard of the Kimetsu pacing is that it could have stood to give us one of more arc to bond with the characters at least a little more, so we could really, really be emotional over loosing them. We get all our spare Pillar interactions in works outside of canon and after Tanjirou initially gets to know Shinobu, he has no more on-screen interactions with her; she mostly appears in Taisho Secrets. Pillar Training was fun and all, but maybe another arc with stakes in it that occurs closer to home and brings out some different sides of the Pillars in Tanjirou’s presence, instead of each of them getting one dance each with our protagonist. That would had been a chance to show Shinobu and Mitsuri’s friendship, in which case, we would had really, really wanted to see Mitsuri’s reaction. But, Mitsuri had a job to do in the very, very, very heavy tension and battles that ran in weekly magazines for months on end. She carried the very heavy weight of needing to provide brevity. Her silliness contrasted against all that tension was fresh air for readers who had been holding their breath (no pun intended! kinda) through so much. And man, our reliance on her for that made it hurt all the more when things suddenly got very serious for her. But, that means she was also unable to play a heavy emotional role too early on. There wasn’t room to give her a satisfyingly emotional reaction to Shinobu or Tokitou; when after all, this is the girl who was fretting about dearly beloved Oyakata-sama, was horrified to see the explosion, angirly attacked Muzan, but was saved from certain doom almost immediately after she was taken by surprise in the Infinity Fortress, and then she’s BACK TO 100% FANGIRL MODE. Like, giiiiiiiiiirl, Oyakata-sama just diiiiiiied, tone it down a notch. I feel like I had more to say. OH YEAH. WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?: To fanfic, duh. Going back to reaction and action and producing something with sellable pacing, again, I wouldn’t risk bogging down the tension-heavy final arc with too much open sadness (less is more definitely applies when the reaction scenes were often SO GOOD), but it clearly set up the desire for it. And, the length and intensity with which a work of fiction can live rent-free in audiences’ minds is a measure of its success. If we MUST turn to fanfiction to get that emotional closure (or force the Pillars to get theirs), then this is proof of a job well done in making us care. Herein lies the freedom with fanfiction: It doesn’t have to be good. It doesn’t have to sell. It doesn’t have to fit a regular serialized format. Fanfic is whatever it wants, all it has to do is indulgently scratch an itch. I have way more stomach for sappiness in fanfic than in original canon, because I have higher expectations of canon to honor writing conventions, and to make decisions that will serve the overall story, not necessarily cater to my tastes. But fanfic? Fanfic, you are here to serve me. Dive into those characters’ dry eyes with a jackhammer and gives me their tears. I don’t care how much you have to fry their brains to do it, give it to me. I mean, I don’t write fanfic like that, noooo. At least, not that I post publicly. Ssh. No one needs to know aaaaaall my particular canon itches I wish to have picked raw. But all the more power to people who DO post that publicly and provide a great service to all the other people with that same need. But, in the spirit of writing fic that tries to honor the spirit of canon, I try to sprinkle the juicy emotional potential canon could have had around as needed, to draw out what I feel canon just didn’t have the opportunity to give us. It’s ultimately self-servicing for what I wish canon would had done, but my style of published fic does try to stay widely appealing as a gen fic. Everybody’s got their own balances and tastes, and that’s cool. And that is freedom canon authors don’t have. I’ll conclude by saying that, although we as readers collectively earned it, the ending of Kimetsu no Yaiba was too bright and happy and specifically chose bittersweet moments that would be easy to swallow (pretty smart for a quick ending), but entirely skipped all the really heavy stuff in the immediate aftermath.

And yes, as difficult (and even dull) as it would be to slog through, there’s a part of me that wants to see all that, for the sake of closure.

And now I sleep byyyyezzzzzzzzz

#KnY fandom theories and meta #KnY Spoilers #tw death #KnY nerdery #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

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beclynn-herondale · 3 years

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hi! ❤ hope you are well, i'm so happy to know you liked my last robert analysis. it feels very safe and nice to write about him to you, so it makes me really glad that you're enjoying too. forgive me, it took me a while to write this one!

between the points you mentioned, what you said you think about his trauma got my attention first. what you think is right, and i thought it would be a good idea to help you with your conclusions if i explained robert's trauma in details.

to examine it closely, i separate robert's childhood trauma into three parts. i guess we could say he had three different childhood traumas. you probably remember it generally: rune experience, parents, and discrimination. each one was deeply connected to the others but had a different effect in some ways.

1- rune experience: it's kinda hard to people to understand what happened because its horribleness was complex. i'll try to summarize. it was robert's 12th birthday. first of all, robert was being burned alive non-stop. he wasn't having his flesh burned, he was something like "burning inside." how intense the pain was: it consumed his entire being, he lost the ability to think, the pain blocked any thought or memory he could have, so robert didn't know who he was, where he was or what was happening, because all his body/mind/soul were processing was the extreme pain. it was mortal pain, it was supposed to kill robert, he was supposed to die consumed but the burning pain. but it didn't. somehow, while he hadn't the ability to think or feel anything but pain, he had strenght to stay alive in pain instead of die. he was enduring something people shouldn't be able to survive to. in his state where his sould/mind was enduring differently of his body, there were demons, and they tortured robert physically and verbally. then, his family members appeared to him, basically saying he was worthless and should die. he really was supposed to be dead by then, and he could see it, he literally could see hell right waiting for him to finally expire. but it didn't happen. somehow he endured it. now, all of this, lasted one entire month. it's actually hard to imagine someone somehow enduring this for one entire month. i don't think any other character had to endure something like this, except maybe annabel. it's the worse i ever saw happen to a tsc character, it was an entire month. (it's very depressing how nobody could ever understand robert cuz no one else around survived something like this. annabel was tortured, buried alive and then painfully ressurrected, and went literally insane because of it.)

this had multiple consequences to robert. physically, he took a while to recover, but then it was stated his body was fine. the effects were mostly mental. after receiving his first rune, robert was supposed to continue his training, but he couldn't. other kids of his age were evolving their training, while he was doing nothing about it. he both hadn't the energy and couldn't do it, cuz he was afraid of steeles. something perfectly logical since a steele caused that month of agony. you know he eventually managed to learn to use steeles to be an actual shadowhunter. but it wasn't all.

the first rune is something normal that happens to all shadowhunters, and it's mostly something good. the way it was horrible to robert in a way no one could have expected, made robert develop extreme anxiety; because the worst happened to him triggered by something common. so while doing common things, robert would be always scared and anxious, thinking about the worst of the worst that could happen. while it wasn't much notable to other people, it harmed his development and behavior a lot, consequently harming his self-steem, cuz he couldn't do things right, he was always worried and overthinking everything.

to compensate it, robert became somebody who worked on two extremes: he was always overthinking everything, except in battle. in battle he wasn't what we define as brave i guess. he was fearless. valentine is the one who helped robert to achieve that. (we know his actual motivations, this isn't important now) the mental process valentine taught him was: robert's inherent fear and anxiety made him fail, and that made him despise himself (that's something robert does a lot for countless reasons). robert should not only embrace the fury he felt against himself, but it should dominate him, and he use its intensity to block his fear. then basically, robert should do a mental form of self harm, letting the strenght of his hate for himself take his mind and use this strenght to control his actions. robert's fury leading his actions, not his fear and anxiety. as expected with this process, robert then was able to engage in normal shadowhunter activities, but fearless when it came to physical risk. logically this would be very dangerous, but we can imagine how useful it was for valentine to have on his team a warrior like this who was such a big and strong man and centainly could take a lot of physical damage and pain (and i guess it shouldn't be any doubt that being so tough helped robert a lot to survive through the years). we know it was because of this robert felt he owed loyalty to valentine.

2- parents: first, something kinda interesting is that robert had other relatives and they were there when robert's first rune was made. we are informed that his state during that month of agony was a scandal and robert's parents were the ones being absurd. so we can assume his other relatives had nothing to do with it. another strong evidence is robert naming two of his children with names from his family, what indicates he didn't saw his entire family negatively. now his parents... let's never forget what happened to robert was supposed to kill him on incredible intense pain. andrew and phoebe deliberately let their child to die in pain so he wouldn't be a mundane. i personally classify them between the worst shadowhunters parents along with céline's, annabel's, valentine and tatiana.

after robert woke up, they (or anyone else) never cared to ask robert how he felt. all they wanted was to make everything seem normal, without caring about how robert was taking it. they never showed any regret about what they've done: they did the opposite of that, telling robert right on his face what they did and how they were sure that it was totally worth it to make him go through that to not be a mundane. it hurt (and traumatized) robert a lot.

love from parents and relatives is supposed to be the first love someone gets. and robert didn't have that. if his parents showed love to him on his first years alive, it never mattered because these two traumas mentioned made robert forget anything about his parents from before his first rune. he couldn't ever remember them as actual parental figures of love. the only parents he remembered and recognized were the ones who left him to endure that, looked proud of it and never cared about its effects on him afterwards. as far as it counted, robert lived a loveless childhood. as i mentioned, andrew and phoebe wanted everything to be as normal possible, so they just acted as robert's parents as if anything happened, but it was pointless and felt cold. after knowing what they did to him (what they let happen to him), knowing that they didn't actually love him as their child, robert couldn't have a bond with them, he couldn't even be comfortable around them. it's described that their presence was what intensified robert's loneliness the most. so he didn't spend much time around them, he stayed in his room.

without his parents' love, robert's first experience with love was when he was 13 years old, with michael. it was setting a standard of love to him, with the long-term consequences afterwards being devastating. (i guess someone could even connect robert not recognizing his parents affection with his future performance of fatherhood, but that would be mostly guessing and i rather work with things i can prove. another good guess i think would be connecting his loveless childhood to how robert during his teenagehood had messy limits between his love for michael and his affection for maryse and didn't know how to handle or recognize it. i mean mostly things like, if michael was robert's best friend/parabatai and maryse his romantic partner and probably future wife, why did robert see maryse and women in general as a threat to michael's place in his life and their parabatai and best friend relationship? he saw valentine having a parabatai he loved and a girlfriend he wanted to get married to, and still freaked out about a woman as his wife replacing michael who was his parabatai, what didn't make any sense. i know people joke about robert being "clueless" about michael but it isn't much funny with this context. finally, another guess would be connecting robert's discovery that his parents' love for him was faulty through they letting him hurt to his beliefs that what he did to michael proved his love for michael was faulty. you can deliberate about all of these conjectures if you want).

3- discrimination: before his first rune, robert had other kids to play with, but he wouldn't remember much of it. yeah, we can say robert doesn't remember anything about how he was treated by people before his first rune. robert doesn't know a life without trauma.

since what happened to robert was a political scandal, with everyone trying to save robert and his parents wanting him to keep his painful and mortal rune, what happened to him was kind of general knowledge. then, no kid wanted to play or train with him. at first he was still recovering, but then he couldn't move foward because he didn't have anyone. he didn't want to be around his parents' coldness and no one else wanted to be around him, quite literally. other people would be around him only when being forced, and then would stay the most distant of him possible, to never get physically close of him, as if to not catch a disease. this is absolutely dreadful to a child.

being treated like this hurt and traumatized robert terribly. being around any one was horrible, so he spent most of the time hidden in his room. not being able to improve on anything because of his fears and anxiety and not having anyone to train with or even to socialize with, and basically never being able to move on about what happened, robert hated to be alive and wished to be dead, wished the rune had killed him as it should have, because he thought no death could be worse than his life, so be dead would be better. this state of mind dured an entire year before michael came around. a lot of damage had been done by then.

being treated like he was "sick" and ostracized left a huge psychological wound on him. to him, discrimination was one of the worst things ever, for something that was never his fault and he never choose to.

(one may think that if robert hates discrimination, it doesn't make sense to him to dislike downworlders, but it actually does. all robert wanted was to be a normal shadowhunter, and he had deeper reasons than most to be passionate about being one. disliking downworlders would be an ideal average shadowhunter thing to do. but robert was far from ignorant. he didn't think downworlders were animals or demons and was far more inclined to defend downworlder segregation than downworlder extermination. of course segregation is something horrible in general and should never be defended, but with downworlders being different sub-species, it wasn't as absurd as the extermination valentine defended, and robert being actually smart and open minded, we know he actually changed his beliefs).

now, to him, one being discriminated by their peers was one of the worst things that could happen, and the perspective of being discriminated terrified and triggered robert deeply. we know the perspective of homosexuality freaks robert out because of the discrimination, marginalization and "anormality" experience that comes with it (and robert is a 60s kid and shadowhunter society is a conservative mess, so it would naturally seem so much more taboo to him), what scared him deeply. we see him getting extremely anxious over himself, michael and alec about the perspective of homophobic discrimination.

robert only started training with runes after his 14th birthday. his training was late, and between his 12th and 14th birthdays, half of the time was extremely traumatizing, the other half he spent most with michael (who helped him a lot about everything). but still, it was a very big share of his childhood-teenagehood and he didn't have the feeling or normality. everything i said about his anxiety over shadowhunting, specially over runes, applied intensely during his entire teenagehood, but robert went to the academy with michael where he was having normal training and final got to socialize a little. he loved so much to feel a little normal. he still felt like a weak and useless trash, but at least he was doing normal shadowhunting things and living like a teenager. the problem was: he wanted to live his entire teenagehood, and he just couldn't do that. training is supposed to end when shadowhunters are 18 years old. robert would stay at the academy until he was 19, and still didn't seem enough. while he was older than his fellows, he felt far less mature. much of his development time had been lost, and he would never get it back. in this context, it made very sense to robert's girlfriend be a younger girl and his admiration for a younger boy (valentine), and there were jokes about him being old, but what bothered robert the most was that he should soon live an adult man average life with wife and kids, when his perspective of life was being with michael in the academy. we also know how that went... and he married maryse when he was about 21/22 years old and maryse about 19.

forgive me for any grammar mistakes. i think this summary can help a lot! at least i hope it's useful to you or anyone else who read it! writing it was very thoughtful (and it's really a huge joy for me to explain things about robert, if you haven't guessed) and i hope to start working on my next ask soon

xoxo, take care of yourself, kind fellow ☺ thank you for your attention

First of all,. I'm sorry for getting to this late.

Second, I don't think I need to add anything. This is written very well, and gave me a deeper understanding.

And I am once again saying: let Shadowhunters get help with their trauma 😭

Also, TSC has a lot of bad parents. But it sadly represents real life 😔

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. I enjoyed reading it. And I agree with a lot that was said.

#robert lightwood #tsc asks #beau peeps 💛🧡

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mofieroll · 4 years

Text

You Too (Jotaro Kujo x Fem!Reader)

Inspired from my in-character interaction with @mistaeq! Dedicated to them for motivating me to write! 💛

A Post!SDC Jotaro x Reader one shot where you bond with Holly, who you call Seiko, and pamper your man Jotaro.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Trauma

Word Count: 3k

Two years have passed since the events of the Crusaders' trip to Egypt to save the life of Holly Kujo from being taken by her own Stand. To say that the trip was memorable is an understatement. It was too memorable. The memories of built friendships and increased attachments in just a span of fifty days were unbearable, for fate made the surviving comrades of the group pay for all the joyous moments with the pain of death and eternal separation.

It was hard. Painful. Frightening. Heartbreaking.

It was excruciatingly traumatizing, that even the boy who appeared to be unbothered and distant, the boy who put an end to the cold-blooded century old vampire's curse, couldn't deny it.

Jotaro Kujo couldn't get away from the memories of his dying friends, and so, the supposed flashbacks became inescapable nightmares.

But fortunately, that was until you came.

You met Jotaro a month after he came back from his trip. The meeting was a mere coincidence as you were a year lower than him, you personally did not and had no intentions of getting to know him. It just so happened that Holly or Seiko, his mother, came across your small shop that sold self-designed accessories made from recycled materials. You had told her you search and pick the materials —mostly trash— yourself, which certainly piqued the woman's interest and told you, “Is that right? I have a son, and don't tell him I told you this, but he loves marine animals! It seems you are both fond of nature so I'm sure you'll get along— Oh! I'm sorry dear, we haven't introduced ourselves! I'm Holly Kujo, but you can call me Seiko~”. She was a sweetheart, so you saw no harm in accepting her offer that led you to become a close acquaintance of the Kujo Family.

Much to the matchmaker's Seiko's dismay, it took a year for you and Jotaro to confess that your platonic feelings are in need of a level up. She is Jotaro's mother and your first Kujo friend, of course she'd notice if something was up between you and Jotaro that you both refused to talk about! When you finally re-introduced yourself as Jotaro's.. cough.. girlfriend, Seiko was delighted and decided to treat her second favorite couple (next to her parents Joseph and Suzie) to a nice romantic dinner! The unplanned date embarrassed Jotaro, but he endured it as it gave a good start for the new level of your relationship with him.

Until then, Jotaro became more and more protective. You found it sweet knowing that your boyfriend, former acquaintance, cares about you and shows affection in ways you quite expected for a forbearing man like him. He's not a man of words nor materialistic gifts but a man of straightforward actions— yet he remained mysterious.

Jotaro has been avoiding you since the week has started. He distanced himself yet guarded you as you walked home after class everyday. Everytime you tried to catch him, he's nowhere to be seen. You started to get frustrated, and you know you wouldn't get any explanation even if you corner him and face him alone.

Seiko called you today and asked if you could have dinner wih them, which you excitedly agreed to because you were actually on the way to the Kujo household, a paper bag —which contained your newly designed rings and necklace— in hand.

With Seiko greeting you outside their gates, you entered their traditional mansion and told her about the happenings from the previous days. Even with the mention of Jotaro's sudden actions, Seiko chatted with you nonchalantly.

“Dear, you know my boy would do things that can be a little too unexpected even for me,” Seiko stated, “But if there's one thing or two that I can assure of, is that he means no harm..” You stopped in your tracks as she faced you and tucked your hair behind your ear, smiling, “And he cares for you, [Y/N]. I think, that may be his way of showing it!” Seiko spoke with softness, hopeful that her words would reach you and get rid of any confusion that would spark a misunderstanding on her stoic son's intentions.

You smiled back at Seiko with teary eyes, touched by her comfort. You pulled out the necklace from your paper bag and showed it to her, quietly telling her that it's your gift, only to receive an enthusiastic squeal and hug before you locked the accessory around her neck.

“It looks perfect on you Seiko! I wonder if I'd be as beautiful as you when I reach your age..” You sighed and pouted at Seiko, holding the paper bag on your middle.

“Oh, you!” Seiko playfully hit you as you both giggled, “You shouldn't say such things to a middle aged woman, [Y/N]! I might believe you!” Seiko joked while you insisted that you're sincere about your compliment.

Your chat continued on until she told you to run along and check on her boy, not forgetting to tease that Jotaro misses you. You face warmed in pink, which Seiko found so cute that she had to pinch your cheeks. With her positive and welcoming presence, your determination to face Jotaro fueled.

Seiko informed you that she'll be preparing dinner. You replied, “Mhm! I'll drag Jotaro and we'll meet you here at the dining room! Is that okay?”

“Okay~!”

—

Meanwhile Jotaro, who hasn't come out of his room the whole day, heard you and Seiko pass by. He was sitting in the far corner of his room but the combined voices of yours and his mother's particularly blasted through his ears. He's.. happy.. that you're both safe and sound.. but— why are you here? You should be at home! Did something happen? Did someone bother you? Wait.. did you come here alone? Didn't he tell you even before that you shouldn't go out at night? What if.. what if something happened to you? What if someone showed up and.. and took you away? Took you somewhere.. he can't reach.. What if his dreams were to happen? What if—

Knock! Knock!

Jotaro's sweating face turned to look at his door as his breathing became more unsteady. His eyes widened, brows clashed, and his mouth was agape, gasping for more air. His fists were clenched and he was trembling, who's knocking? Who's trying to get him again?

“Kujo?”

Jotaro stopped breathing for a second while his body still trembled. The voice that called him held sweetness and concern in it but he was still in a dark trance. What if someone's trying to deceive him?

“Seiko called me, may I come in?”

His widened eyes calmed, turning his tormented expression into one of those longingness. His shuddering arm reached out as he subconsciously stood and walked towards his shut door. His cold hand gripped the handle.. but he didn't have the slightest strength to pull it himself. What is he doing? He can't face anyone like this, especially..

On the other side of Jotaro's door was you, with a hand that also gripped the cold handle, waiting for the right timing to enter. Your heartbeat has increased its pace, indicating your uptight feeling of facing him after not seeing him for over a week. You were nervous and a short flashback of your first meeting with Jotaro popped up in your mind. Has it really been two years?

Jotaro never directly told you of his.. episodes. But, there were times where you just happened to observe that whenever you were late on your meeting, he immediately scoops you in a hug while he trembles; or whenever you randomly visit him on weekends and you enter his room only with a knock, he abruptly charges at you with his folded fist stopping inches from your worried face. He didn't tell you about what's haunting him, not even once. Yes, you were undeniably frustrated by him avoiding you, but you love him well enough to have the willingness to act up whilst having patience.

You waited for more minutes before speaking again, “I'm gonna enter now, alright?” You assured, carefully sliding the door behind you and turning on the light switch after you entered.

Your eyes wandered after it adjusted to the lit room, locking on the form of a slouched man in the corner, sitting with a knee up that had his arm and head resting on it while his other knee was folded. You quietly sighed and walked close to him, hiding the impatience to throw yourself at him and pepper him with kisses, mumbling i missed yous. You would have done it, but that kind of affection.. goes for later.

You sat beside Jotaro and placed the paper bag on your side. You weren't too close nor too far from him, just enough to have your hand caress his messy dark hair. You loved seeing him without his hat, seeing his flawless face be shadowless. But if he took it off, the reason is either he's agitated or.. sleep. There was a time when you told him that he should take off his hat indoors and a time you tried to take it off yourself, but he completely ignored you at both and kept the hat on.

“How are you?” You asked without expecting a reply. It was to make him acknowledge your presence, and that is because you didn't know that he's been waiting for you to come in since the moment he heard your voice.

Jotaro wanted to answer. He wanted to lock you in his arms and.. say sorry. He wanted to apologize for neglecting you but— how is he going to do that without telling you too much?

“Why the f*ck did my mother call you? I don't need any help. That b*tch.”

There it is, his method of putting up a tough facade, the swearing that would prompt anybody to think that he needs no help. It worked on you once, but you're not just anybody to him now.

“Mhm. Seiko checked up on me while I was heading home from.. somewhere. She invited me for dinner,” You informed. You didn't want to tell him that you were on your way here even before Seiko called you, knowing full well that he's against you ‘roaming’ at night alone.

You continued to comb through his hair as he answered, “For real [Y/N], I'm fine. Leave. I don't need you to stay here— or.. or something.”

Your hand lowered to his upper back and started to rub circles, “Would you look at me and say that again, Kujo?” you asked in a slightly teasing tone, trying to light up the mood.

You started humming a soft melody, a melody that somehow always soothed Jotaro. The first time you hummed it was when you were cooking dinner for him and Seiko wasn't home. He got into a fight that day and he was abnormally quiet, not the usual, resulting to a tension between the two of you. You hummed the melody to ease the atmosphere, and when you were placing his plate on the table, he suddenly grabbed your wrist and muttered an apology before he told you to ‘keep doing’ what you were doing. The melody was just random, so you did your best to remember its tone and hum it whenever you both need comfort.

And this time, he was soothed again, but he isn't going to be swayed so easily even if he wants to.

“F*cking go away.” He huffs, “You're just like the annoying b*tch. Leave me alone.”

No, stay. He stated in his mind the complete opposite of what came out of his mouth. Of course you didn't leave and continued to hum and rub circles on his back. He may be one of the harshest men you've met, but you have a counter for that. Well.. you're stubborn.

He remembered what you said about heading home from.. somewhere. Where was that? “Where were you coming from?” He asked in a demanding tone.

“Doesn't matter where I was, Kujo. You're still not looking at me.” You retreated your hand from his back and crawled to sit in front of him in crossed legs before placing your hands on his large ones, “I wouldn't mind being like Seiko, although..” You squeezed the top of his hands, bowed your body and peeked at his face where your warm [E/C] eyes met his tired yet enchanting aquamarines. Your lips quirked into a small smile, “You wouldn't want your partner to be your second mother, would you?”

Partner?

Jotaro looked at you blankly, not realizing how close your faces were, “You're still worrying about me too much, I'm fine. I'm.. I'm just remembering..” You straightened and held his cheeks, gently pulling up his face before standing on your knees. You shifted your hand and cupped his face, delicately looking at him to encourage him to speak.

In that moment where he's putting his toughness down, you've completely set aside the issue from the past week. The thoughts that Jotaro might've had enough of you because he thinks you're oblivious to his personal issues— all gone. Holly's words echoed through your mind. Mother truly knows best.

“Egypt.. friends dyi—” Jotaro cut his words and sighed deeply, “..all of it is hitting hard. You won't understand.”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded. He's right, you would not be able to understand, but that's temporary. It'll take more time for him but you're willing to wait, “I.. dream of you..” He swallows the lump in his throat while you wipe the sweat forming on his temple, “I dream of you dying too.”

With that, you were able to catch on more of what happened before you came in his life. People close to him died. People who he probably traveled with.. might have died right before him.. or not. And now he's being haunted, probably by the guilt or by the experience itself. You're still skeptical, but it's considerably clear now.

Your eyes that looked at your hand which wiped his bead of sweat shifted to his eyes, and you saw fear. He was frightened, not only by the past, but also by the possibility that he might lose you too.

You retreated your hands and sat on your legs as you and Jotaro continued to communicate through your eyes. Your heart was thumping fast against your chest, now of sympathy.

“Jotaro, I..”

This time, you threw yourself at him. Arms snaking around his neck, your face buried on his shoulder. You wrapped him in a tight hug as it took him time to return the affection, wrapping his arms around your back and pulling you even closer as he closed his eyes and basked his head on yours. You and Jotaro savored the hug for a while, not thinking about anything else aside being in each other's arms.

“I'm here.. and I'm telling you that I'll be here to love you longer than that delinquent head of yours expected.”

You broke the hug gently, a hand shifting to cup his cheek while you also reached for the paper bag. Jotaro opened his eyes as he felt you fix his sitting position so you could sit —with crossed legs— on his thighs, laying your back on his chest.

“See this?” You lifted the paper bag with both hands, giving Jotaro the chance to once again wrap his arms around your waist. He doesn't mind giving in to your touch as of now.

Jotaro grunted, “Inside this lovely recycled and eco-friendly paper bag are things that.. uhm.. how do I introduce it..” You slowly placed your head on his shoulder, putting the bag down between your legs. You contemplated as you stared on the wooden ceiling, “I know! The things.. consider it as our promise to each other, Kujo. Am I clear? Yep, I'm clear!”

Jotaro clicked his tounge in annoyance as you lifted your head from his shoulder when he was about to rest his head against yours. Why can't he just cuddle you without you moving too much? Can't you and him just cuddle in peace?

You shifted again, now face to face with him. You acted surprise when you saw his furrowed brow, “Oh? Kujo is annoyed with the mighty [L/N]?”

“Just get it over with, woman.” Jotaro supported your back with an arm, watching you as you struggled to hold his free hand with one of yours. You had set aside the paper bag, the things in it now hidden in your other hand.

When you finally settled with wrapping your small hand around his palm so his fingers were loose, you smiled up at him and swiftly leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose. Jotaro turned away, snorting to at least lessen his flustered state. Where is his hat now that he practically needs it?

Jotaro felt a cold thing graze his skin, along with what seems to be two fingers pushing the thing on his. He glanced and saw you inserting a ring on his pinky with a serious face. You were glaring at his hand, your smile only returning when you successfully inserted the ring.

You let go of his hand and was about to wear the other ring yourself when he grabbed your wrist, snatched the ring and easily inserted the accessory on your pinky, all of it with only one hand as his other arm was still supporting you.

You were taken aback, ready to question him when he pulled you into a bridal position and locked your upper body with his arms within a second. You chuckled instead of saying a thing, wrapping your arms around his torso.

“Keen for a cuddle, huh, Kujo?”

“Good grief. You're one brave woman to challenge me.”

As you and Jotaro became ignorant to your surroundings, a flash of a camera resided from the slightly opened door, the sound being followed by a muffled kyaaah! which, with no doubt, came from the adorably giddy mother of the impatient man in your arms.

[End!]

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sunseteyes · 3 years

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♪♫.ılılıll your voice ˎˊ- chapter 9

NINTH SONG — MY LOVE

kenma was awakened by the natural light, one that lit the whole room and also his entire system, urging him to come and see the beauty of the morning. due to his bed being close to the window, there was no escaping to the light’s temptation and challenge, making him accept whatever was in front of him and wake himself up. and yet before he could even think about how his day would go by, a searing pain hits him on his head, his hand immediately shooting up, hoping to at least relieve the pain, but it proved to be useless.

“you’re awake, good.”

the voice was unfamiliar, it doesn’t even sound like his parents.

wait-

“what are you doing here?” he immediately shot up from his bed, only for his headache to worsen, making him drop down as fast as he got up.

no matter how much you strained your laugh, a small chuckle left you before you sat down by the corner of his bed, still keeping proper distance as much as possible.

“ho...how? how are-why are-why are you here?” he stuttered much more than he ever did in his life. he sits up again, but slowly this time, and when he was able to, he wondered if he was dreaming--i mean, how could you have been here when you were in miyagi? with that semi guy? is he dreaming about you again?

“sorry if i had to barge in your dorm. i just wanted to know what you were talking to me about last night so i head on straight here, i hope it’s alright.” you elaborated, looking over his state to observe his expressions. “is your head aching? i brought meds for you and i also made soup.”

you suddenly stood up to jog out of the room, before he heard you adding, “though i had to ransack your kitchen and buy a couple more ingredients by the market before i was able to make it.”

he was frozen there for seconds, even maybe a minute, contemplating about the situation in his own mind, thinking about how this is happening--more in a good way.

“what? do you want me to feed you?”

“no, no, i’m fine.” he instantly said, taking the bowl from your hands and realizing just how hot it was. and when he did, you were already sharing the same predicament, holding the bowl, along with his hands.

“i told you, maybe i should help you? here, i’ll hold the bowl while you take the spoon.”

kenma didn’t know why he didn’t argue, but it didn't mean he was not embarrassed. eventually though, he had already gotten used to the setup, mostly because he was surprised at how easing and delicious the soup was. he had never had this kind of soup, but he was too shy to ask for seconds anyway. there’s no way he could just make a request like that to someone like you when you already did it for his sake beforehand.

“i cooked a whole pot for you, do you want me to bring you some more?” you suddenly inquired, “or… is my cooking bad? does it taste bad? i’m sorry i didn’t get to taste it-”

“it’s delicious.” he immediately interjects, cutting you off from your rambling. “i’d like another bowl, please?” he sounded hesitant then and somehow, you knew why.

you chuckled, grinning gleefully whilst rushing out to go and get him more of the soup. when you did, kenma already found his way out of the room, with you suppressing a giggle that came out of your lips when you saw how cute he was in his sleeping attire. you wondered how he even managed to change himself when he was close to being drunk based on what keiji had told you.

“uh-are you sure it’s alright if you stay here? i mean-what would people say? you know, since you’re basically a famous person now. well, not that i’m saying you’re not famous before.”

“don’t worry about what other people say, ken. and besides, it’s not like we’re in a relationship-” you stopped yourself, taking in his reaction just in time for you to add, “actually, that’s what i’ve been meaning to talk to you about that today.”

“talk? about what? is there something wrong?”

you brought down the bowl on the table and sat on one of the seats, urging him to do the same in front of you.

“you should eat while i talk. it’s a very long story that i just thought i should say to you.” you say, your mind racing thoughts all around immediately at what you were doing.

and then, you began to tell everything about how you came to be where you are right at that very moment.

“babe? eita?” you brought your phone away from your ear, feeling your chest tighten every second that passes by. you stared at his name over and over, trying to believe that he will call you back,

but nothing came, of course.

your heart sank then, dropping your hands to the side as your eyes met keiji, then your eyes turned blurry once again as tears started to form on them.

keiji was quick to move, stepping forward as he caught onto one of your tears with his thumb “what? what happened? y/n-”

“i’m ready, keiji. let’s go.” you pulled away from him, grabbing onto your luggage and walked off, not even waiting for him to follow you because he knew he would do it anyway.

“your bus ticket, please.”

absent-mindedly, you gave your ticket and whip you gaze back to the window and the view outside, trying to calm yourself down.

“you can cry if you want to, it’s safe to cry here.” you could hear keiji mutter next to you, and just then, the hot tears came back once again. this time, you couldn’t stop them from coming.

that day, you fought with your boyfriend, but he didn’t break up with you. however, since then, you never talked to each other. by the time you did and eventually got reunited, eita tried to get back to you by doing the same thing over and over again.

the difference is, you already knew what was coming before things had gotten worse.

“wait,” a hand grabs your arm, forcing you to halt from your steps and meet semi’s eyes.

“what? is there something wrong, semi?”

you didn’t like how his eyebrows twitched, because by then, you knew you still had an effect on him. you saw the change of emotion in his irides, but he didn’t question you about it anymore. for you, he was your eita back then, and now, he was just semi.

so semi does the only thing he knew he could do; he leans in close to you, holding you in place.

you turned your face away just in time, making his lips land on your cheeks instead, and you even have to close your eyes to restrain the memories that flooded your mind at that moment.

semi was your first love, and he will always be, no matter what happens.

sighing, you turn to face him again. now that he had pulled away, you could see the genuine tangled emotions in his expression, struggling to commit to one feeling, just like when he was with you before.

“the moment you ended the call when i was going to tokyo, it’s the time when our relationship ended, semi. you know that. we’ve been fighting about it for over a week, i knew you were tired of it.” you say, glancing down at the ground, barely able to look at semi on the eye. “we knew it was the end for us.”

“it’s not. we can go back together.” he leans in to you again, whispering the words, like when he was trying to ease your anger back then, when you two were still together. “i still love you, we can still fulfill our dreams-”

“our dreams?” you cut him off, looking back at him with a scoff. “-this is my dream. what we had was your dream. your dream was to make your voice heard. you used my voice for your dream, semi. i chose this path because i thought this is the only thing i could give you. you made me think like that all the years we had been together.”

“then that means… the rumors-”

“they’re not true, technically.” you answer, pulling a smile from your lips. “why? are you affected by it?”

he looks away, pursing his lips by then. “not really-not much. i mean-no, why should i be? it’s not like we’re-you know… together.”

this time, it was your turn to fidget, biting your lip at one point before finally speaking up. “i’ve been thinking… are you interested in me, ken?”

“huh-what? did akaashi-uhm…”

“if you are,” you paused, kind of hesitant, “-do you want to try this out?”

kenma questions again, “try what?”

“us,” you answered, “try us—if we’re going to work out.”

TRIVIA:

i somehow wanna make a prequel for semi and y/n tbh

i personally think semi must have loved y/n either way (lmao what are u doing u’re the writer)

INTERMISSIONS:

well taglists are still open for the last and final chapter! feel free to send an ask only to @ftkenma :))

so this will be the second to the last chapter and yep sorry no smau-ish today, also, i’m sorry that i only updated now. stuff happened and it’s a good thing i finished this today.

| MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS ↩︎ | ↪︎ NEXT |

#kenma smau #kenma x y/n #kenma x reader #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader #your voice��

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margarethelstone-2 · 3 years

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Our Sleeves Were Wet With Tears | Chapter 2

Read on AO3!

Taichi's gaze was filled with astonishment once more as he listened to Chihaya's nearly aggressive ramble, unable to wrap his head around the situation he'd found himself in so unexpectedly. He heard the words and thought that he understood the substance – he knew what Chihaya was referring to and comprehended the meaning behind her words. And yet... Something about this whole scene was just too bizarre, too unrealistic for him to believe that it was happening for real.

Too strange to have him take it for more than yet another of his feverish dreams.

Had she really gone to his house so spontaneously, after he had as much as ignored her for the past few weeks? Had she really risked meeting eye to eye with his mother, when it was obvious how uneasy the latter had always made her feel? And why had she decided to come see him now, so long after their fateful conversation in the clubroom and with so much happening since that dreadful afternoon?

Was it in any way connected – or worse, prompted – by the photo Arata had undoubtedly sent her as well?

And if so, what was the connection?

It wasn't like the message had contained any special words or wisdom, or even anything particularly nostalgic. It was a simple photo of Arata and his teammates, with a simple greeting meant to encourage them to do their best on their part so that they might meet at the Nationals this time. It was very much like the one he and Chihaya had sent him during their first year... but that was as far as the nostalgia went.

Of course, it was possible that Arata had sent Chihaya a different email, with more than just the few words he, Taichi, had received. After all, he knew for certain that Arata had spoken to her after the Master qualifiers and since that conversation had clearly taken its toll on Chihaya, it wasn't difficult to determine what he had said. He was also aware of the advantage Arata had always had over him and that Chihaya did favour him, even if she didn't fully realise it herself...

...and still, he couldn't help but think that it was not the case this time.

It was the similarity of it to the message they had sent him that made him so sure. It was not a taunt meant at him, or another display of affection addressed to Chihaya and only shared with him for propriety's sake. There was a much simpler, and much more genuine intention hidden behind it: an honest wish to inspire his friends in the same way they had inspired him before, mixed perhaps with the pride he must have felt for both himself and his new charges.

One friend reaching out to the other ones.

Friends.

Taichi's jaw tightened, his soul filling up with disgust and shame.

Had he really forgotten that that was what the three of them were, first and foremost? Friends?

Or was he just too tired pretending that he was all right with such a setup, because deep down, he realised that even as a trio, they had never been entirely equal?

Was he too much of an egoist to accept that?

"What the heck does that even mean?" he said out loud at last, letting out a hollow, mirthless chuckle that resembled a snort more than anything else. Chihaya had already managed to reach the front gate and was just about to step onto the pavement before it but now, she stopped mid-stride; if he had waited a few seconds more – or if she hadn't held back from running like she obviously had – his words wouldn't have reached her. He almost expected them not to anyway, despite her still being relatively close.

They did, however.

In for a penny, in for a pound. He had no choice but to go for it now.

"Why do you think I needed to hear that now?" he continued, careful to maintain the air of indifference or maybe even irritation, while Chihaya slowly turned around. "I didn't say I was a coward, just that I didn't want to be one. And of course I've changed since primary school; I'm not some Peter Pan who never grows up."

He could feel her stare at him, but refused to meet her gaze this time, all too aware of the effect it had always had on him. Feigning nonchalance, he adjusted the strap of his bag, hung over his shoulder and set off, descending the stairs one by one, as if he hadn't wished to get out of there just as much as Chihaya did.

The very sight of her was aggravating to him.

He knew it wasn't fair, that it really wasn't her fault that she could not respond to his feelings in kind. She had never led him on or pretended to care for him when she hadn't. She did care, she always had, and in a way, Taichi felt like an ungrateful scoundrel every time he remembered everything she'd done for him so far, never mind if it was a small smile meant to comfort him or a crazy, complex, completely over-the-top karuta tournament organised specifically in order to celebrate his birthday with him, in the most Chihaya-like way he could think of.

She wasn't the one to blame for all this.

And yet, every time he saw her, the memory of his stupid, impossible dreams came rushing back to him, always accompanied by the one of them being crushed to bits just a few short weeks prior.

It wasn't her fault, and still, he couldn't find it in him to forgive her.

Still, in the corner of his eye, Taichi saw the expectancy painted all over her face, the same perfect mixture of perseverance and dread he'd had a chance to observe more than once now. He went right past her, resolved not to grace her with a single glance, no matter how rude or cruel it might seem, and stepped onto the pavement she hadn't managed to reach in time.

He was indifferent.

He wished to be indifferent.

So why did he still listen closely, awaiting her to make the move, to turn and look after him, to catch up with him and shower – no, bombard – him with another set of half-baked wisdoms and untimely arguments? Why had he slowed down, anxious, restless, apprehensive, aching to hear her say another word, no matter how absurd it might be?

He had been so good at avoiding her lately, at numbing the overwhelming feeling of solitude by simply making sure she did not come into view – so why did he feel like he was missing her already?

Was a fleeting encounter like this all it took to make all of his endeavours worthless?

He was hopeless.

Hopeless.

Just like all of his love for her had been.

Oh, screw it.

"There's a playground nearby, if there's anything else you want to talk about," he offered, the pathetic, self-disrespectful moron that he was. "I doubt there would be any kids there at this hour, and there are actual benches to sit on. Or I can just walk you home if that's what you prefer."

He set off right after, no longer knowing if he wanted her to respond or not. A part of him hoped that she would, that there was more she wanted to say than that random, abstract proclamation she had surprised him with – that there was more thought behind it than she had made it appear at first. Simultaneously, his other half (a third? a quarter? a mere, pitiful percent?) screamed at him to pick up his pace and leave that cursed place before Chihaya could even answer, to run away and pray that the consequences of his stupid decision from the previous minute would not catch up to him.

Torn like this, he walked on, the rationality of his mind battling with the naiveté of his heart and the ardour of his soul. Step by step, he moved forward, hearing nothing but the sound of his blood pumping in his ears and his own sharp, uneven breathing. If he focused hard enough, he could distinguish his own, weary step, but even that seemed to come from a distance much wider than the one hundred and seventy centimetres separating his feet from his ears.

No matter how hard he tried, he could not hear anything from behind him.

So she hadn't followed him.

Of course she hadn't, you idiot, he berated himself silently, clenching his hands into fists and jamming them even deeper into his pockets. She looked like she wanted to get away from there as soon as she could, and only forced herself to stay and talk because she thought it was the right thing to do.

She didn’t come to chat, to pour her heart out or to clear things up with me, mostly because there's nothing to clear up in the first place; she came because she felt she needed to, because at some point, she'd decided that it was something a good person would do and obviously, she decided to spontaneously follow the wacky idea her mind had presented to her.

A totally spur-of-a-moment kind of decision, honest but rash, misguided and ill-conceived, just like about everything Chihaya does.

He felt his heart shrink, as if it was squeezed in quite a literal sense, and yet, he refused to admit to his hurt, even if only to himself. There was no reason why he should've felt surprised, no excuse for the disappointment that was threatening to take over him. He knew her; he knew what kind of person she was. Bright, outgoing, sincere. Blunt to a fault and so very, very caring that it made his head ache at times.

Still, her consideration was just like her entire self: impulsive. She always went all out and never put much reflection behind it.

As for Taichi, he still couldn't quite determine whether he found it frustrating or just very, very endearing.

Perhaps it was a mixture of the two.

The fact remained, however: the only way he could find his way to her thoughts was through incidents like this. After all, he could hardly imagine Chihaya spending her nights lying awake in her bed, unable to stop thinking of him.

Certainly not in the way he thought of her.

He fought the urge to kick the pebbles under his feet, regardless of the fact that there was no one around to see him if he had, much less to care about it. The street he strolled through was empty, and since it was getting late, there was no reason to believe that the state of things should change. However, Taichi knew better than to indulge himself with his whims, no matter how insignificant they appeared to be. He'd been raised to be that way; and no matter how much he wanted to change, no matter how grand was the amount of effort he put into achieving it, there were things about himself he simply couldn't reform.

He couldn't tell if it were those traits that had made him the unlucky loser he undoubtedly was now; but at least they helped him cope with the fallout his misfortunes had brought.

Which was exactly why he needed to stop wallowing in self-pity and focus on getting on with his own life instead, just like he'd been striving to do recently. He'd done a pretty good job so far, studying harder than ever both for his regular classes and the cram school, fooling everyone that it was his exams that had made him quit the karuta club.

Good gosh, he'd actually let Master Suo persuade him into not giving up on karuta after all, and only changed the environment of his practice instead.

He was fine, or at least, he was going to be.

The recollection of his latest, little successes made his faith grow a little, bringing back that tiny bit of optimism he'd been looking for so desperately. His chin rose a little while his pace turned brisker...

...only to have him halt in surprise at the sound of a dull thud and a hiss that came from behind him.

Taichi turned around almost involuntarily, completely taken aback and therefore totally incapable of forming even the vaguest expectation of what he was about to see. Had he had more time to think about it, he probably would have come with more than a few reasonable explanations of the sound.

For one, it could have been an ordinary jogger, whom he couldn't have seen when he'd exited through the cram school's gate, but who'd caught up to him silently while he was occupied with his own thoughts afterwards, and who now tripped over something and now was groaning in pain. It might have been a passer-by who'd emerged from around the corner, carrying an object so heavy that they had eventually dropped it on the ground.

For all he knew, it might have been a kid running from his friends in another round of tag. Out of all people, he surely was aware how fast little children could move; how quickly and unexpectedly they might invade other people's space.

All of these he could have thought of, and yet, he still wouldn't have guessed the real cause of the noise that had startled him so.

Of course, the culprit simply had to be the one person he'd been trying to ban from his mind.

How had she even got there without him realising her presence until now?

And yet, it was her, undoubtedly, undeniably her. Ayase Chihaya, the love of his life and the greatest, most unpredictable dork of a friend, now hunched and squatting, with one knee rested against the hard concrete surface while she eyed her other one attentively, instinctively pressing her scratched fingers against the more severely injured skin on her leg. With the few metres separating them (and his still fresh bemusement) Taichi needed a moment to fully absorb the scene before him, as well as its less obvious details. Despite the initial falter, his instincts soon took over him, however, and pushed him towards the wounded girl, before he could even see the grimace on her face or observe the way in which she chewed on her lower lip.

In no time was he kneeling down before her, pulling her hands away from the wound by her wrists so that she wouldn't accidentally infect the cut with one hand, while he rummaged through his hastily unzipped bag with the other one, searching for the towel and a water bottle he was sure he'd packed in there earlier.

"Taichi, no! Wait!" He heard her protest against his actions, only to ignore it completely. "It's just a scratch, nothing serious, I can handle it myself just fine here!"

"Like hell you can," he muttered in response after he'd finally found the objects he'd been looking for. "You've just pressed your dirty hands against a fresh wound, you idiot. I don't even want to know what you were planning to do next."

"No, but -"

"Just do me a favour and don't press them like that again now, will you?" he cut her off sternly. "I can't exactly hold your hands and dampen the towel at the same time, I'd need at least one other pair of arms for that. So stop arguing and keep your dusty fingers away for just a second, while I do my job over here."

Chihaya opened her mouth to argue with him some more but shut it right after under his severe glare and bowed her head obediently instead. Seeing that her opposition would not last – or at least, that her revolt would not rise again for a while – Taichi let go of her wrists and focused on wetting the fabric in his hands, before applying the now cold towel to Chihaya's injured knee. She winced under his touch, her head jerking up once more and her eyes glued to his intent countenance.

He saw her movement in the corner of his eye, felt the shudder that jolted all of her body, however, he refused to look up himself, instead making sure that his own gaze remained plastered to the cut he was supposed to be taking care of.

Not that clearing up the skin on her leg was doing any good to his sanity, mind you.

"How on earth did you even do that?" he muttered the question under his breath, if only to make his attention shift to something else, desperately hoping it would be enough to drown out his rebellious thoughts for a short while at least. "There's literally nothing you could have stumbled upon and you don't usually go tripping over your own feet; I know you can be careless sometimes, but you're not a klutz."

"I just wasn't paying attention," Chihaya answered him, her tone slightly offended, but still quieter than he might have expected. "My shoelaces had come undone and I stepped over one."

Taichi sighed, almost impatiently.

"And fell like this? What were you doing, trying to break the world speed record?"

"I tripped! Why does it matter how I fell afterwards?"

"Because I've seen you trip about a hundred thousand times since we first met and it was always due to some crazy stunts you were doing and never because you were simply distracted," he continued to parry her arguments; with every second it became more difficult for him to maintain his grumpy, cool attitude and not let his lips curl into an amused smile at both her behaviour and the memories he'd just recalled himself. "You were constantly running around, jumping over fences and climbing trees and half the time your shoelaces weren't tied, and yet you hardly ever let that get in your way. And now you want me to believe that you've hit the ground with your knee and cut it because you'd stumbled over it? When you were walking?"

"I don't know why you find that so improbable," she replied, shifting her eyes up at him for a second only to have them cast down a moment later. Unlike her most recent retort, this one was once again quiet, so much so that it was almost a whisper.

"I never thought Chihaya was capable of speaking quietly enough to be drowned out by a bell."

Was that it? Was that how she was now?

Was he responsible for that change in her?

He shook his head resolutely and lowered his own gaze onto her knee once more. He realised he was giving in to his nonsensical fears again, finding alterations where there were none, simply because he'd felt the change so acutely. Sure, Chihaya's voice was much softer than what he was used to; but to think that it was a general transformation was a little too much. It wasn't like she couldn't speak loudly or even downright shout at him – she had proven that much with the entire 'you're not a coward' scene, and even with the little comebacks she had thrown at him a short while earlier.

She wasn't mad at him, she hadn't taken offence. She wasn't avoiding him like he had avoided her, nor was she trying to daunt him with her curt, frosty answers; if anything, she'd given him the impression that she wished to talk to him but had no idea how to do it without overstepping his boundaries.

As if she had been afraid of him.

Was she?

Taichi risked another glance at her and saw that she still wasn't looking at him or even at the wound he'd been treating for her. Instead, her gaze was turned to her right, focused on some distant spot he couldn't name unless he followed her gaze with his own eyes. Afraid she might catch him staring, he looked down again quickly, however; he could figure out what had arrested her attention later on.

He had enough to think about as it was, without adding any additional information to the mix.

"There, it's all clean," he announced after a moment, taking the wet towel in his hand away; he pressed it back to her knee almost immediately when he saw that the seemingly unserious injury hadn't stopped bleeding. "It looks like it's a pretty deep cut you've got there. Nothing that would need stitches, but you certainly should have it wrapped up, and not only because of the possible infections. That is, unless you actually want to walk around Tokyo with bloody streaks all over your calves. I don't have anything of the sort so-"

"I do!" she cut him off, energetic again. Taichi raised an eyebrow at her sudden cry and she turned away, blushing. However, she continued, "I do. Just hand me my bag, please?"

He did as he was told, and passed on the bag that had somehow ended lying behind him. Chihaya grabbed the item zealously and began to search its insides, flipping the books and other tools she kept in it with as much hurry as if her life really had depended on it. Taichi regarded her curiously, suddenly indifferent to whether she decided to meet his eye this time.

It took her a good while before she found what she'd been looking for; it was a perfect opportunity for him to have a closer look at her at last.

No matter how silly his behaviour was, Taichi made good use of that time.

She was a mess; there was no doubt about that. No longer panting like she had when he'd seen her first (something Chihaya had been trying very hard to conceal and perhaps even thought that she'd succeeded, only Taichi obviously knew better), she still seemed to be anything but relaxed. Her hair looked as if she had combed them with her hands (which she'd done often enough in the past to make his guess more than likely) and her cheeks were grey from the dust, though again, it looked like she had attempted to clean it in some amateurish way.

He wondered if the slightly darker traces he saw on her cheeks really might have been the remnant of her tears, like he feared they were.

Gosh, she really cried too damn much, never mind how serious the reasons were.

He was roused from his meditation when Chihaya finally pulled out the small first aid kit which she'd been looking so frantically for and straightened up a little, relieved. She sure was glad with herself, a softer, more placid expression finally reflecting on her face as she opened it and drew the bandage and gauze packs she needed from it, and even waved them before his eyes as if to tell him that she could take care of herself now.

That darn moron.

"I can deal with it now," she said, confirming his suspicions. "If you just take the towel away from my knee I can wrap it up just fine. But you really have to move away."

"And how do you plan to do that with your leg bent like this?" he asked, simultaneously ignoring her suggestion completely. "You're still kneeling."

"I can straighten my leg anytime, so-"

"And lay it flat on the ground? Good luck moving your hand underneath when you try to go around it. Also, are you really carrying a first aid kit in your school bag?"

It was the first time Chihaya met his eye since her unfortunate fall and boy, was she vexed. "My mum made me carry one around after I stepped onto a nail and had to block the blood flow with my classmate's spare t-shirt in middle-school. She wasn't very happy with that."

"Your mum or the classmate?"

"Neither. But at least I learnt to carry these things around, and since I know how to use them, I'm going to wrap my own injury now. I just need to stand up and-"

Without a word of warning, she leaned on one arm and pushed herself off the ground, leaving the startled Taichi to stare at her helplessly. She hissed at the pain when she put more pressure on her wounded leg but said nothing, determined to carry out the plan she had formed in her head without letting her friend interrupt.

Only, his hand was still pressed against her knee... and he wasn’t going to do anything to change that.

"You're impossible," he told her instead, the faintest shadow of mirth flashing in his eyes.

"Move your hands, Taichi, I'm bandaging my knee," she ordered him, feigning deafness.

"You'd need to dry your skin first."

"I know that!"

"Not what I heard."

"I am, but I still need you to move away. Why aren't you moving away?"

"Who knows." Taichi shrugged, raising his eyes so he could meet Chihaya's weary glare. "Maybe I'm just being awful for the fun of it. Or maybe as usual, I'm the sensible one here and realise that you're gonna need help with that stupid cut. And since the only way to make you give up is by this kind of opposition, it's exactly what I'm doing now."

Chihaya's fingers tightened around the packages. "But why?"

"Who knows," he said once again. "Perhaps I'm just too used to looking after you to simply walk away and leave you to deal with it on your own. After all, I know you well enough to realise how incompetent you are."

That little jab at the end of his reply was meant to lighten the mood, to avoid a situation in which his earlier words would sound like yet another confession on his part. He wanted to make sure it didn't sound tender – that the 'looking after you' part was a statement coming from a long time buddy rather than from the love interest he so wished to be, from an easygoing, disinterested comrade and not a suitor she was so afraid of.

He wanted to turn it into a joke, and yet, it only took a second for him to realise that his tactics hadn't worked.

She didn't answer him; didn't snap or turn away, didn't huff, offended by his remark – but she didn't laugh, either. He saw her knuckles turn white as her grasp tightened even more and opened his mouth to apologise...

...but then she straightened her arms, shoving the bandages right before his eyes, while she looked away from him, again.

She nearly hit him on the nose and yet, he was too stunned to care.

"You do it then," he heard her mutter under her breath as she moved the package even closer to him. "Just... be quick about it. It doesn't need to be that precise, I only need it to last until I'm home."

He wanted to contradict her, to say that the main reason why he'd insisted on helping her out was to make sure that the dressing around her wound would not be a shoddy one; but something stopped him. Whether it was the way in which she was so determined not to meet his eye again or how her hands trembled when he finally took the cursed bandages from her, he couldn't tell; but he couldn't be more sure if Chihaya had told him that directly.

His jokes hadn't been too terrible a strategy overall – one more challenge, however, and he could lose it all.

So he remained silent, attentively drying her skin with fresh gauze before pressing another piece against the injury and wrapping it up with utmost care. It didn't matter that it was her bare skin anymore, or that the rim of her skirt was moving gently right above his bowed forehead. He was a friend, a companion. He was willing to call himself a nurse, for goodness' sake – as long as what he did was of any benefit to her.

Now wasn't he a failure.

Bet someone else, someone like Sudo, would never let anything like that happen, he thought to himself. He probably would have left her at that gate and walked away without a word, unless it was to roast her with one of his terrible lines. Actually, I'm sure nobody I know would've acted as stupidly as I have, whether it would be Nishida or Komano, or – Arata...

"All done," he announced a little too hastily, deliberately breaking his own train of thought before it could take him too far, and stood up. "I hope it's not too tight, but if it is, just tell me and I'll fix it. We don't want your leg to go all stiff and blue while you walk back home, right?"

"No, it's good. It's perfect," she answered, shaking her head. "Thank you."

Her head and gaze were still lowered when she spoke to him, so Taichi couldn't quite tell what her expression was and so he couldn’t use that knowledge to guess how she actually felt. At first, he was sure she would turn away as soon as he was done treating her wound, and just set off towards home without further delay, or that she would at least step back, no longer needing to stay in his close proximity like she had before.

They really were standing quite close now, so close that one step forward would make her forehead rest against his collarbone, literally.

And yet, she still didn’t allow him to see her face. He waited patiently for another moment, even though his heart was threatening to jump out of his chest any moment now. He stuck around, motionless and quiet, giving her every chance to flee like he expected her to, awaiting the moment when she would leave his personal space.

He couldn't imagine her wanting to be there, not after how he had treated her today – how he'd been treating her ever since the day she had rejected him.

And yet, she was still there.

"Chihaya," he whispered eventually. "Do you want to talk?"

It was a simple question, an obvious question. It was a ridiculous one, too – after all, they'd been exchanging statements back and forth, so technically, it was way past time for asking it. However, he certainly knew that it was not a simple chat he'd had in mind; and maybe it was naive of him, but he still believed that Chihaya understood it, too.

She didn't answer him immediately, and not even after some time had passed. It wasn't because she hadn't heard him, of that he was sure... but that didn't mean that he had more than the vaguest idea of why she tarried, either.

Was his question not so simple after all?

He didn't dare to lean forward, on the off chance that she would decide to look up at him after all, in which case their closeness really might become too much for him. His eyes remained fixed on her, however, boring into her hair as if to jinx her into replying at last. She didn't move; she didn't look up.

And for the longest time, she didn't make a sound.

Until...

"Yes. Yes, I do."

#Our Sleeves Were Wet With Tears #chihayafuru #taichihaya #mashima taichi #ayase chihaya #more reposting #more new arrrrt #margaretwrites

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nuoyipeach · 3 years

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Restart

May 21st 2021

4 years later...

“Arin, bring your brother down. We’re about to leave.” Taeyong shouted from the hallway downstairs for the children upstairs to hear. He Just finished putting on his coat then looked at his wife going through her bag one last time, confirming that she had packed everything. He smiled at the sight of her before moving next to her giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“What?” Seulgi chuckled and he shook his head. The couple turned to the stairs hearing footsteps running down, each child carrying their own backpack. Seulgi looked at them and smiled before carrying up the younger. “So I guess we’re all ready to go.”

“Yes mum!” Arin exclaimed as she hugged her father’s arm. “I’ve never been to Japan, I’m so excited! And we're meeting uncle Yuta too!”

Taeyong laughed as he locked up the house and went to the car where Seulgi had just buckled up three year old Hajun, then turned to help Arin in her seat. He went ahead and checked the last bag before closing the trunk and sat in the driver's seat.

The way to the airport was filled with music (mostly Hajun’s songs) and twelve year old Arin helping her younger brother sing the words clearly, followed by Seulgi leading them, and Taeyong's smile never left.

Three months after Hajun's birth, Arin was finally awake after almost two years. She didn't lose her memory, but it seemed the young girl didn't at all care about the sudden change in her life. From having a new father, to a baby brother, nothing made her question what happened while she was asleep. She was surprised at first, no doubt, but she had no hesitation accepting it.

While Seulgi was busy with the baby, Taeyong did everything to help Arin catch up on school and attend rehabilitation classes with her. As always Seulgi was worried if Taeyong felt it as a burden, however he kept reassuring her every day that Arin was his child now too and he loves her.

Of course at some point Arin had to know the truth, and oddly yet not surspisingly enough, it was Taeyong who ended up telling her.

"He didn't want to stay, he..."

"He didn't like us anymore, didn't he? He left us for other people?" the nine year old asked straight away, not wanting her father to beat around the bush. Taeyong sighed and pulled her to his chest, combing her hair.

"I'm sorry Arin."

"Why dad?" she looked up with a sudden but sincere smile. "You don't have to say sorry. You're my dad now, and I'm happy. You're the best dad anyone could ever ask for." she exclaimed hugging him tighter.

On the plane, Arin sat with her father while Hajun with his mother since he still needed extra care from her. It wasn't too long, but the children fell into naps the moment they took off. Both parents lifted off the middle arm rest and let them lay on their laps, Hajun having his milk bottle still in his mouth.

Once landed Arin was quick to wake up and help her mother while Seulgi strapped up a still sleeping Hajun to Taeyong's front. They went across the airport until they came to the baggage claim.

"Mum, can I go to the toilet real quick?" Arin suddenly asked, to which Seulgi nodded directing her to the nearest restroom. Knowing her child, she wasn't too afraid of her getting lost so she allowed her to go on her own.

After finishing up and washing her hands, Arin was just about to leave the restroom when she bumped into a man coming out the of the male one next to her. "Oh, sorry. Are you OK?" the man spoke and crouched down patting her head. Arin rubbed her nose and smiled at him reassuringly.

Only for her smile to drop in an instant.

She stared at the man, but she knew she had to be quick. "I'm fine. Sorry. Bye." she spoke quickly before running away towards wherever.

Why's he here... I can't tell mum and dad...

"Hey hey hey." she stopped at a halt when she felt a hand grab her shirt from behind. "Where are you running off to young lady?" she turned on her tiptoes and faced her father before squirming out if his grip and suddenly hugging his torso tight. Taeyong stood flustered by her actions before crouching to hug her back, her face in his shoulder as he heard her uneven breaths and knew for sure something wasn't right.

After a minute she seemed to have calmed, his hand combing through her hair and another now pulling her up to carry her away with him. As he neared where his wife sat with their luggage, he stopped and instead sat a little further away, out of her sight.

"Arin." he called calmly and pulled her out of his shoulder, cupping her face in one hand gently. He waited, for her to pick up enough strength to look up at him, which took a minute for her to do. He smiled at her and brushed her hair back. "Tell me. What happened?"

Arin bit her lip, not wanting to ruin their trip on the first day itself. But if there was one person she'd never lie to, it was Taeyong. She took a deep breath, before leaning against her father's chest. "Daddy..." she spoke softly, voice breaking in fear. "I love you."

"I love you too Arin." Taeyong replied softly, petting her back.

"You're my only daddy."

"Yes Arin. I'm your only dad."

"Even if I run into him, I'd choose you any day."

The father and daughter kept it a secret, knowing the last thing Seulgi would want to hear on their family trip is her ex husband's presence in the same town as them. It was already their second day and they were visiting the Universal Studios theme park in Osaka with the Nakamoto family. Taeyong took note of Arin’s emotions, so far seeming overjoyed. He didn’t tell Seulgi this either, but the past two nights they were here, Arin had cried in her sleep, and when he asked why all she could say was seeing her biological father’s face in her dreams.

He didn��t understand why it was taking such an effect on her. Did she actually miss him but didn’t want to say so? Did he do something wrong back then? Did they talk at the airport?

Tonight as they returned, he decided he needed to talk to Arin. He needed her to come clear about this, because that was the only way he could help. As Seulgi washed up and tucked in Hajun, he excused himself to go check on Arin who slept in the room next to them in the hotel suite.

Looking into the room, he saw Arin just getting into bed and stared smiling at her. "How was it today?" he asked taking seat right next to her as she tucked herself in. The young girl smiled wide.

"It was great! I loved the minions!" she exclaimed. Taeyong chuckled combing her hair, his mind however filled with thoughts on how to speak about the topic.

And he decided the best way was to be straight forward. "Arin, be honest with me."

"Yes daddy?"

"Did something happen between you and, uhm... your ex dad?" he realised how badly he worded it, but nothing was coming to his mind. "You've been acting strange since you bumped into him..."

Arin bit her lips, her heart hurting. In all honesty she had no ounce of affection, she never missed him. But seeing him after so many years, especially after coma, it hurt her.

"I really don't know daddy..." she teared up. Taeyong got in under the cover next to her and pulled her to his chest, the young girl letting go of her tears immediately into her father's shirt. "I just, it hurts. I don't know why... When I saw him, he looks so normal, he didn't even recognise me. I don't even miss him, but it hurts..."

He shushed her, making white noise as he combed her hair when she suddenly pulled out and looked at him. "Please don't take it the wrong way." she quickly said before hugging him tight. "I love you daddy, I hate that man. I'm sorry he's making me cry. I know I promised I wouldn't cry over guys, but I can't help it..."

Taeyong chuckled sadly, shifting in his place so that she laid on his chest, head on his shoulder. "I'm not mad Arin. I'm worried about you. You're my daughter, I don't like seeing you sad." he let out a sigh and kissed her hair. "Let's try to forget that from now on, OK. I'll help you."

Taeyong knew that he couldn't just force her to erase the memory of her biological father just like that, no matter how much they love each other. Arin didn't lose her memory, she was a smart child even back then when she knew her father's love was absent. She knew, the moment she woke up and accepted her new reality, that he left them even before Taeyong told her anything. And no matter how much she despised him, it was no surprise that it broke her heart when he really didn't recognise her after all these years, and if Seulgi found out, it would've broke her heart too.

On their last day, they stayed at Yuta's house as Sooyoung was persistent to have them overnight for one day at least. The children played out in the backyard while the dads started the barbeque, and inside the mothers cooked up some ramen and sides. Not too long after they heard an ice cream truck, and soon enough the kids were at the dads feet begging to go.

Yuta wasn't one to resist and took out some money, handing it to Arin who's the eldest among both family's children. "Knock yourselves out. Don't eat too much though, your mums will kill us." he winked.

Arin led the three younger out to the front road where more neighbourhood children lined up. She stood holding her brother's hand while her two friends conversed in Japanese with their friends. She didn't speak much, but could understand.

"Who are they Nako?" a kid asked Yuta's older girl, a year younger than Arin.

"Our friends from Korea. Remember, my mum's Korean."

When it was their turn, Nako helped choose while Arin payed, stuffing the change in her pocket. Yuta's kids were now playing hopscotch on the pavement with the other kids, Nako tugging her and Hajun to join them, though the three year old was mostly running across the lines.

“You are Nako’s friend?” a young boy, seemingly five or six, suddenly spoke to Arin as she stood aside to finish her ice cream. Arin was shocked to hear him speak korean but nodded in response. “That’s cool! I’m half korean too just like her.” he smiled raising his hand for a high five to which Arin responded smiling back.

“How?” she asked curiously.

“My dad’s Korean. My name is Akito, I’m five.”

“I’m Arin, twelve.” she looked away after responding, turning her attention to Hajun to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt. Nako suddenly called her to go back home and she grabbed her brother. “Bye Akito.”

As the children entered the backyard they heard Nako’s mother yelling. “I swear to God Nakamoto if you send them out alone again I will have your head on the barbeque instead!”

“Arin was with them...”

“She’s new here you idiot!” Seulgi yelled along. “What if they were lost! What if they were kidnapped!”

The kids quickly ran away to the living room, trying not to laugh at both mothers yelling at Yuta and finishing off the last of their ice cream before they were caught. Taeyong soon came in and sighed shaking his head, helping Hajun wipe his face to get rid of the evidence. “Please not one word about the ice cream.” he whispered, knowing Hajun was still too young to understand the concept of keeping secrets.

Luckily the young boy’s attention was taken away by the other kids playing with toys, and Taeyong returned outside to see the others were back to normal, except for Yuta’s slightly sulking face. They finished up with the barbeque and set it on the picnic table they had, the mothers bringing in the ramen and sides. The kids were called to eat, and surprisingly enough they ate more than expected despite the ice cream. Soon Arin and Nako helped clean up, while Yuta pulled out the mini pool for the kids.

While he filled it up, Arin was the first to come out in her swimsuit and helped throw some toys in, when she heard a familiar voice.

“Hi Arin!” she looked to see the young boy from earlier, Akito, waving. She waved back, when her face lost all colour. “Look dad, she’s the girl I told you about.”

Yuta knew all too well, and looked at Arin to see her completely still. He then looked back at the child who’s father now stood beside him, but he could tell he didn’t recognise her. “So she’s your new friend? Isn’t she much older than you?” he joked with his son.

“Arin noona is really nice.”

“Arin?” the man raised a brow once hearing the name, looking back at Arin then smiled.

Yuta could tell Arin’s discomfort, so he dropped the hose and went to her, crouching to her ear. “Go inside. Don’t tell your mother, go straight to your dad .” he whispered to which she nodded and quickly ran inside, not stopping until she reached her father. Taeyong had just finished helping Hajun into his swimsuit and let him run out, when Arin’s body came crashing into him and held him tight.

“He’s here...” she spoke softly, fear in her voice. “He’s outside.”

Taeyong pulled her out and looked at her shocked. “Are you sure?” she nodded.

“Uncle Yuta saw him too, he sent me inside... Dad, what if he takes me from you? I don’t want to go...” tears welled up in her eyes and Taeyong wiped them off and hugged her tight, holding in his own.

“No one will take you from us Arin, not as long as your mother and I are alive.”

Taking her hand, Taeyong walked out to see what was going on so far. He peeked out the main door and saw the kids already in the pool, Yuta and Sooyoung attending them. But his wife was no where to be seen, and upon noticing his presence, Sooyoung ran to him. “Taeyong, he was here. When Arin ran in she saw and came outside to check. They’re talking outside the gate...”

Taeyong let go of Arin and quickly went to the gate and, as bad as he felt, eavesdropped over their conversation.

“Well, I married and moved here now. It is my wife’s hometown.”

“I see...”

“Arin grew a lot.” his muscles tensed hearing her name from the man. “Glad to see her up and healthy. How long did it take?”

“Two years.”

“Does she remember me?”

The question made both the couple tense up even more. If Seulgi said yes there’s a chance he’d ask to see her, and if she said no he’d be sceptical about it and still ask to see her.

Hearing his wife silent for a minute, Taeyong decided it was time for him to step in. “Seulgi come, Hajun’s looking for you.” he walked out as if he heard nothing, pretending to be surprised by her ex’s presence. “Oh, hello. Long time no see.” he said extending his hand to shake. The man nodded with a smile taking his hand.

“You too. I see you two married, Hajun must be your child. Glad you moved on quick.” he chuckled. Seulgi nodded, still a little uncomfortable, before Taeyong took her hand and held it reassuringly. She looked back up at the man and sighed.

“He’s also Arin’s father now, I asked him to adopt.”

“That’s good.” the man replied, his face seemingly without much care. “Well I best be off, don’t want to ruin your party. Bye.” he bowed before walking to where his son was, and the couple watched him take his hand and head back home.

The rest of the barbeque went on as if nothing happened before. Arin seemed to have enjoyed herself to her parents relief, and they themselves stayed optimistic not wanting to ruin the mood. As night fell, the kids were all sent to bed. Taeyong tucked in both his children into bed and noticed Seulgi standing next to Arin, the mother daughter simply exchanging gazes. He could see both love and hurt in their eyes and moved to their side of the bed. Taking Seulgi’s hand he gave it a chaste kiss before bending to Arin and kissing her forehead.

“Sleep well. We’re going back to Korea tomorrow, and to your grandparent’s house after so it’ll be tiring.” Arin smiled at her father as he did so after whispering, before he got up and walked out the room with his wife. Once in the other guest room where they were sleeping in, the two sat on the bed sighing.

“Why here...” Seulgi mumbled. “Everything was going great, and he just had to appear...”

Taeyong turned to his wife and moved closer, holding her hand in both his. “Nothing happened Seulgi... Honestly I don’t know why we were so scared? It’s not like he would actually want to take you or Arin back right?”

“You’re right...” she sighed again before hugging Taeyong, cuddling up into his chest. “He’s moved on even before everything happened. I have no reason to think about it like that. I have you and Arin and Hajun, and that’s all I’ll need for the rest of my life.”

“You should visit us next time. Will you be coming fo Chuseok this year?” Seulgi asked her friend as they stood outside the Nakamoto house, Taeyong putting their lugguage into the back of Yuta’s car.

“Maybe, my parents have been missing the kids a lot.” Sooyoung replied. The women hugged before Sooyoung went back inside after the children said their goodbyes too. Yuta got into the driver’s seat and started the car while Taeyong closed up the back.

“Hey.” he looked behind, freezing for a bit at the presence of Seulgi’s ex again. “I know you probably hate to see me, but I just have something.”

Biting his lip, Taeyong made sure Seulgi and the kids were already in the car before nodding to him. “What is it?”

He suddenly pulled out a bag from behind him and handed it to him. “When you reach home, give this to Arin please.” Taeyong looked at the bag, then back at him and the man noticed the fear before he chuckled.

“I’m not taking her away from you if that’s what you’re thinking. I don’t plan on ruining your lives, I’ve done enough of that I believe. But... one thing I do regret was hurting Arin. I did fall out of love with Seulgi, I won’t lie about that, but I genuinely loved Arin. It was just hard for me to be a good father when I wasn’t in the relationship I wanted to be in. I probably sound like an asshole right now, but I was so caught up avoiding Seulgi and wanting to be with my current wife, I neglected Arin too when I really had no intention to. Then with how you were always around with her, it made me realise that you deserve them more than me. That’s why I was easy admit everything and let Arin go after the divorce. I loved her but I knew I couldn’t make up for what I failed to give her. I knew you were a better father to her than I ever could be, and I was right.”

The man's words didn't leave Taeyong's mind even as they went to bed. After reaching Korea they drove straight to his parents' house to visit and decided to stay the night before going home the next day. What he said in the end was what stuck to his mind the most.

"If possible I'd like to see her again sometime. My family don't know and I don't want them to get involved, I just hope to see her again after all these years. I know I was absent as a father, I just want to see how she feels about me."

He didn't tell Seulgi but he knew without her permission he had no right to decide on this. Arin was still her child, and this case involved the man who stepped out of their life. As he laid in bed staring at the ceiling, his worried face didn't go unnoticed by his wife as she got under the covers next to him. She moved closer and cuddled up to him taking his attention.

"What's bothering you? Looks like something has been in you mind all day."

Taeyong sighed and turned on his side to face her, thinking of a way to tell her everything. "So, you know when I was loading our bags into Yuta's trunk when we were leaving?" she nodded confused. "Well, Jongin came to me, with a gift for Arin I still have on my bag. He told me how much he actually missed her, and regrets ignoring her just because he was with someone else behind your back. He said despite what he felt with you, he still loved her as his child."

Seulgi looked down to his chest biting her lip, fingers playing with the buttons of his pyjama top. He caressed her hair soothingly before he continued. "He said, if it's alright, he'd like to meet her again, properly. He won't take her away, his current family doesn't know about him finding us. He just wants to see her again."

looks like a part 3 needs to happen😅 this is what happens when I write unplanned😐

#kpop fanfic #nct #fanfiction #red velvet #nct 127 #nctvelvet #nct taeyong #red velvet seulgi #seulyong #seulyong fanfic

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