#--on your own. or. at least. the specific kinda feelings of powerlessness that come from that i spose | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

evelhak · 1 year

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I am interested!!! So...

🔥+ alternative nutrition (bugs flours, genetic modified veggies ecc...).

Thank you so much babe!

Vesper

I'm so sorry that I might be totally underprepared to answer this question. My first thought was literally... "I had grasshopper bread once, it was bread". But it also didn't stay in stores for long, because no one bought it. I guess I've had too many acute problems in my life to think too carefully about anything where the effects don't come close to me yet? (I mean that mostly in the sense of immediate bodily needs, I do think about broader experiences and abstract stuff quite a lot even if it doesn't concern me specifically.) I just don't have enough energy I guess. I spent so much of my life not being able to eat much that now that I can, even though I have been for more than ten years, I still haven't really branched out from just being enamoured with everything I can eat. 😂 All this to say that I know I should be thinking of possible eco catastrophes but I haven't really, not in high detail, because there's no shortage of food in my country, 80% of food is local, and yes I get the bigger picture but also my own energy is very limited... So I have no wise detailed perception of good specific solutions for a future food crisis.

Soo... I think it's great that people are developing alternatives, because they will be needed at some point, in some places sooner than others. I don't think there can be one-size-fits all solutions since environments are so different. I think solutions should always be based on the particular environment if at all possible, and I think people need to (re)learn to live with the changes and fluctuations of their home instead of looking for some absolute solution.

However I don't have a particular opinion on different alternative nutrition sources? I've barely thought about genetic modification, since it's so restricted in EU anyway. I know there's some grasshopper farming in Finland, which is probably a good thing? I tend to think anything local is good and if it could balance the overuse of meat that would be great.

However I'm kinda sceptical that people will start to truly consider these alternative sources before it's absolutely necessary, and that means a big portion of people are probably gonna die. Yes, I know I'm part of the problem. Relative to most people I probably don't have a huge carbon footprint (like I don't drive and most of the meat I eat was hunted by my dad) but I'm also not going to pretend that I'm gonna think about the future of earth when I want a burger.

I am very concerned about the suffering in front of me, and can go to great lengths to try to change things sometimes but... also when I think about the human race destroying itself or even the earth, I'm like... so what? I know that may seem contradictory because it's like every life is inherently valuable but simultaneously no species or a planet as a whole is inherently valuable? 😅 Like, my life matters to me, but when I think about myself not getting to do some things or not existing, it's like... Well, it's okay, because someone else still can do those things and exist. And when I think like that far enough, then nothing matters, because there's probably always gonna be some form of life and someone experiencing the world, and in thinking that I can always be content. But that's not practical so then I always find my way right back to just enjoying what I get and what's in front of me, because thinking like I do, I can't commit to living for the future.

This became mostly about why I haven't bothered to think about or do research about your question. Sorry. I know I'm thinking a lot of this because I feel powerless and like the end is gonna come, so I might at least enjoy myself waiting for it, or something. I know a lot of people have a different experience but I'm used to responding to problems as they rise, and it's not really something I can change about myself at this point.

#environmental but self-indulgent rambling

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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years

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Sovereign Talks (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader)

Fandom: Resident Evil Genre: Bit of angst sandwiched between two pieces of fluff Rating: T for language Notes: Another partially/selectively mute reader story! Again, this is somewhat self indulgent, essentially being a self-insert story with edits to make it better for a wider audience. PS Daniela says some stuff that's kinda insulting, though it's out of misunderstanding rather than poor intentions, and she tries to make up for it. Also, some of the descriptions of the reader's muteness might not make sense to everyone, as I'm essentially describing how it feels for me, personally. Summary: Daniela's favorite servant is sweet, charming, eager to please, all the things she wants from a romantic partner. But there's one detail she's never quite understood. An argument, a discussion, an inevitability.

Try as you might, it was nigh impossible to please your employer. No matter what you did, there was always something wrong, and Daniela Dimitrescu was more than pleased to point it out to you. At least her intentions weren’t severe. It didn’t really bother her if you missed a spot while dusting, or if you accidentally stumbled upon a ‘private’ conversation. What mattered to her, at the end of the day, was having material to tease you with, or ‘bargain’ with. She’d approach you slowly, musing out loud about your chores. Then she’d point out a flaw, smirking ever so slightly, before placing a finger beneath your chin. You’d make awkward eye contact, desperate to get out of the situation.

And then she’d tell you exactly what she wanted from you.

Most days it was simple enough. Or at least it had been at the start, when she first sought you out. ‘Carry these books for me’, she’d say, beckoning you to follow her. ‘Make a copy of this poem so I can return the book to Duke’, she’d command. Every single time you were powerless to refuse. Hell, you couldn’t even say anything if you wanted to. So you did as she asked. In time, you came to realize the truth behind her actions, the center of her motivations: She wanted to spend time with you.

You had been baffled, at first, to connect the dots in such a way. But Daniela made no attempt to hide her feelings, letting her touches linger on your skin, smiling without any cruelty when you were near. Once, she had even covered for you after you broke a vase. When you had tried to protest, hands waving, mouth refusing to speak, she had shrugged you off with a simple ‘you are worth the price’. Ever since then, the two of you had been rather close. Sure, she had never officially asked you on a date, but she had held your hand while the two of you read. And she had held you, swaying back and forth, as music played in a distant room. Then there were the times she caught you in the corridor, pressing you against the wall for a quick kiss… or a long one, that is. Certainly that meant something? Otherwise you’d look quite silly, blushing as hard as you tended to.

Eventually your concerns subsided considerably. It took a long, difficult conversation, however, and an argument you’d never forget…

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“Have you read Crier’s War yet?” Daniela asked, looking at you over her own book. The two of you were in her personal study, near the library, lounging in peaceful quiet. Well, it had been quiet. At her question you glance up, ensuring you made eye contact before shaking your head no. “I think you’d like it. Impossible love between two people from vastly different cultures, who start out opposed… sounds familiar, hmm?” This time you nod, laughing a little under your breath. Then you’re returning to your novel, oblivious to the way your partner is watching you, her eyes narrowed. When she catches your attention once more, it’s with a question you had hoped she would never ask. “Why don’t you talk?”

Trying to hide your discomfort, you practically bury your nose in your book, refusing to look up at Daniela. In response she grabs your notepad, slowly sliding it closer to you. For every second of silence she moves it another centimeter. With a slight groan you give in, snatching it from her hands, but sending her a glare as you do. Quickly you grab your pen and scrawl her a note. Not an answer, rather a question of your own.

“Why does it matter?” Clearly that wasn’t what she was looking for, as she leans back and gives a groan of her own.

“Seriously? I’m just curious. You can laugh, groan, make other, nice little noises… I just want to know how you work,” Daniela explained, frowning all the while. Admittedly, you understand where she’s coming from. But that didn’t mean that you were terribly comfortable with this conversation. In fact, it’s a subject you’ve been dreading ever since the two of you started ‘dating’. How exactly were you supposed to explain your condition? Especially without being able to talk directly through it?

“It’s complicated,” you write, angling the paper so Daniela can read it from her side of the table. But she only spares it a quick glance, before staring hard at you again. “Fine, babe. My mouth feels like static. My tongue is heavy, and trying to talk is like walking when both your legs are asleep. There’s never not a lump in my throat.” Now she’s reading attentively, frown vanishing, replaced by a confused expression. Shifting awkwardly, you internally pray that she doesn’t have any follow up questions. Alas, there are no gods on your side this day.

“Did something happen? Or were you… born like this?” Daniela asked, watching you closely. Frustrated, you give her a pleading look, hoping that she’d get the message and back off. Instead she doubles down. “We could arrange for a doctor to come out here, if that’s what you need. All you have to do is tell me what’s going on.”

“I don’t expect you to understand. It’s a multifaceted issue, and-” you have to turn the page to continue writing at this point- “a very personal one. But if you must know, it has to do with my anxiety.” There’s a pause, and for a few seconds you think the conversation is over. The relief that floods your chest only lasts a single moment. Then you’re face to face with Daniela, who’s leaning across the table, eyeing you with an expression you can’t make sense of. Now your heart is racing, leaving you trembling.

“So… it’s not a matter of whether or not you can talk at all? It’s a choice?” Daniela questioned, sounding aggravated. Instantly you’re shaking your head, scowling at her interpretation of your words. “What, you’re saying you can’t even relax enough to talk around me? Your fucking girlfriend?” This was exactly the sort of thing you had been worried about. How could you expect Daniela to understand the way your mind locked your jaw in place? How could she ever realize how terrifying the whole castle was?

“Calm down and let me elaborate, please,” you write, as fast as you can. But Daniela yanks your notebook away from you, tossing it to the side. All you can do is stare at her in shock. This was more than just a misunderstanding, this was her actively sabotaging your only reliable method of communication.

“You want me to calm down? Can’t you see why I’m upset? I just found out my partner isn’t comfortable around me. We could have been talking all this goddamn time! Why haven’t you told me this before? Why haven’t we worked on this?” Daniela was practically yelling now, and both of you had risen to your feet. You’ve backed away a meter or so, only for her to close the space between you, one hand cupping your cheek. No matter how hard you try, you can’t bring yourself to look her in her eyes. “C’mon, please,” she whispered, voice barely audible. Tears are starting to cloud your vision. “Say something. Anything.”

Wordlessly, you pull yourself from her grasp, too overwhelmed to do anything other than let your feet carry you out of the room. Half to your relief, half to your misery, Daniela doesn’t lift a finger to stop you.

-----------------------------------

Two weeks. That’s how long it had been since you ‘talked’ to Daniela. Ever since, she had been avoiding you, and you her. Hell, for three days you struggled more than usual to communicate with anyone because you hadn’t dared to go back for your notebook. In the end someone had found you a new one. It didn’t quite feel the same though, considering your normal one had been a gift… a gift from the very person who had taken it away from you. For two weeks it had felt like every single thing was another reminder of your loneliness. You wanted desperately to fix your situation, but had no clue where to even begin. Until an irritated Cassandra hatched a devious plan, that is.

You weren’t privy to the specific details of her scheme, and could only guess as to her motivations (presumably being annoyed by Daniela’s sulking). All you really knew was that one moment you were following the middle child, supposedly to assist her with organizing something, and the next you were being shoved in an unfamiliar room. Inside, Bela was trying to stall Daniela, making up a ridiculous excuse for her to be there. As soon as you entered, the eldest daughter made a beeline (flyline?) towards the exit. Before either you or your girlfriend could process what was happening, the door had been shut and locked, trapping the two of you within.

“What the fuck?” Daniela asked, temporarily ignoring you in favor of pounding on the door. It didn’t budge, unsurprisingly, but someone outside did yell in response. Not that you could make out what the muffled voice was saying. “Ugh, I swear I am going to kill them for this.” Unable to get out, she finally turns to look at you. In an instant the anger drains from her face, replaced with a bittersweet smile. There’s enough tension in the room to weigh the corners of your lips down. It’s getting harder to breathe, and you can’t quite look Daniela in the eyes. “Hey. Hey, c’mon, if they’re going to be assholes, we might as well make the most of it, right?” She asked, voice a million times softer than you would have expected, considering your previous conversation. With that she moves to sit down, gesturing for you to join her.

“Mmm?” You ‘say’, really just making a confused humming sound. For once, you do want to talk. More than any other time you’ve wanted to. But your tongue was caught in the bear trap your teeth represented, preventing almost any sound from escaping. Still, this is a side of Daniela that you do not often see, with how prideful she tended to be. All it takes to get you to move is for her to pat the spot next to her. Then you’re shifting, blushing hard as you lower yourself onto the couch. Not quite ready to meet her gaze, you stare at your thumbs, twiddling them like an anxious child.

“Bela seems to think that I’ve made a fool of myself in front of you,” Daniela mused, more to herself than to you. One of her hands slides towards you, however, eagerly intertwining her fingers with your own. After two whole weeks of isolation… it’s an amazing feeling. “I said something stupid. It’s been driving me mad, and I have no clue what to do about it. Fuck-” she flinches as she speaks, eyes clamping shut- “I just want to fix this. I want you to feel good around me. I want you to feel the same way I do. More than anything, I want to be your safe haven.”

Your eyes meet, finally, as warmth floods your chest. Words fail you, as they are wont to do, so you leave them behind. Instead you reach for your stars- the body of your girlfriend, pulling yourself into her arms. Even as tears drip down your cheeks, you are smiling softly, overwhelmed by the embrace. Soon enough you can feel Daniela rubbing soft circles into your back with her fingers. She presses a gentle kiss to the side of your head, enjoying the hug too much to pull back even the slightest bit.

“Is there anything I can do? Anything to make you more comfortable?” She asked, for a moment not even realizing the difficulty you would have with responding. Finally connecting the dots, she changes the position of her arms, ensuring that you could stay in her lap while still being able to gesture with your hands. Instead of replying, your first concern is to gently cup your girlfriend’s cheek. Then you place a kiss on her forehead. “You’re my everything, you know that, right?” Daniela whispered, sounding almost in awe. Suddenly you’re possessed by a rush of courage, clearly bolstered by her affection, and you move without thinking. You lean back in for another kiss, hand moving to the back of her head for stability.

Both of you are smiling now, even as your kiss gets more intense, the two of you pressing against each other as best as you can. One of Daniela’s hands runs itself through your hair, before taking it in a loose grip. All you can think about is how right this feels. Your heart is racing, especially as your girlfriend switches to an open mouth kiss, letting her tongue slide across your lips. It catches you off guard, and you need to pull back to catch the breath she had so eagerly stolen. Even then you swear you can feel her pulse pounding just as hard as yours is.

“Sorry, I got a little carried away,” Daniela murmured, embarrassed, worried that you had stopped for a very different reason. In response you shake your head a little, then practically smother her face in tiny kisses. She’s giggling at that, grinning, all of her anxiety fading away. Most of yours does too. Everything feels perfect. So much so, in fact, that you feel something you haven’t felt in almost an entire year: The loosening of your jaw muscles. Clarity unstiffens your tongue, making age-old static clear up. Can I…? You wonder, wanting so desperately to use this opportunity as best as you can. After all, who knew when you’d ever be this comfortable within the castle again. Hell, the thought alone makes you more nervous, and you struggle to think of something, anything, to say.

“L-l… Love,” you stuttered, barely getting the syllable out, mouth feeling incredibly dry, mind racing, hating how it sounds because holy shit you haven’t talked in a year and was Daniela going to hate your voice and forget all about what you were saying and ruin the moment or worse was she going to hate you or thoughts thoughts pounding in your head like a hurricane, because because because-......................... Anxiety, above all else, was an asshole. One that had prevented you from hundreds of conversations, and limited a thousand more. Now, moments after finally speaking, your mind is on the brink of a tear-worthy breakdown. But you’ve said your piece, and by God has it been received.

“Yes, absolutely, fuck baby, I love you so much!” Daniela cried, equally overwhelmed, for a far different reason. She’s holding you as close as she can, burying her face in your neck. Likewise you rest yourself against her, letting your eyes drift shut, happy beyond description. There were still things you had to talk about, yes, and you would once more have to rely on your trusty notebook. Daniela had a lot to learn, to understand, but this was a start. More than that, it was the first step after the mending of a broken bone. Everything to come would be far, far easier, a labor of love done fearlessly.

-----------------------------------

“Should we open the door now? Or at least unlock it?... How long does it take two idiots to stop being mad at each other?” Cassandra asked, leaning against the hallway wall. Meanwhile Bela had her ear to the door, straining to hear what was going on within. Sure, she had gone along with her younger sister’s plan, but she hadn’t been entirely convinced that it wouldn’t end in disaster. Then again, so far so good. No yelling, no (loud) crying, just some quiet words from Daniela. Maybe they’re working things out, Bela thought, starting to smile. And then she heard something she’d never forget…

“Yes, absolutely, fuck baby, I love you so much!”

“We are not opening that door,” Bela replied, suddenly, her ears burning red. She didn’t know how things had gone from so quiet to so potentially dirty in such a short amount of time, and she did not care. Without even a hint of an explanation, she turned to leave, desperate to get certain mental images out of her head...

#daniela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu x reader #resident evil: village #re8 village #yes the ending is a bit of a joke #ps i know it might not be everyone's cup of tea #especially since the reader does end up saying something #i went back and forth on that part for awhile #but again this is really self indulgent #and personally it worked better for me??#like i can occasionally force myself to say something even when my mouth isn't cooperating #and if anyone can make me do that it's someone i love #like my best friend who i kind of also loved romantically at one point #this is a literal example #anyway enjoy

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hacawijo · 3 years

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TarGwyn - My MOST Left Field Theory

Okay so, Tarquin and Gwyn have not interacted at all, have not even been mentioned in the same chapter, like... I am very aware that this is a huge stretch and is most likely me just reading into some pretty writing lol but I can’t quite let go of it! I have like, three very small tiers to this theory. The theory being that Tarquin and Gwyn may be mates, or at least destined for each other.

Please don’t come for me, it’s just been stuck in my head, I’m not trying to put down Gwynriel! I just kinda like the idea of it, because I love both characters very much.

Tier One - A Good Male and The Rock Against Which the Surf Crashes

My biggest point, when I think about it, is that both Gwyn and Tarquin are truly charming and wonderful. Tarquin and Gwyn are both warm and compassionate and honest, optimistic and earnest, but with mighty resolve and courage. Tarquin wants to see a more irreverent, accepting world - and Gwyn has embodied those values time and again in ACOSF. Not to mention the fact that Gwyn is part-nymph, and I do believe that a high lord with ideals being mated to someone who is not full-high fae would help to create the world that Tarquin wants to build.

TARQUIN CHARACTER EVIDENCE:

“I would like to one day see a Prythian in which they [lesser Faeries] have a voice, both in my home and in the world beyond it.” (Tarquin to Feyre ACOMAF Chapter 33)

…that might destroy this place— and a High Lord who might very well overturn the order of things. (Feyre ACOMAF Chapter 34)

Tarquin studied me. “I’d say I’m looking at the most valuable thing in here.”

I didn’t fake the blush. “You’re very kind.” His smile was soft. As if his position had not yet broken the compassion in him. I hoped it never did. (Feyre ACOMAF Chapter 34)

I supposed it was the least of my worries. Tarquin frowned at the map one last time and declared, “We’ll find a way to face this.” (Feyre ACOWAR Chapter 62) [an example of Tarquin’s strong and positive will]

GWYN CHARACTER EVIDENCE:

“Tell yourself, I am the rock against which the surf crashes. Your thoughts are the surf. Let them crash over you.” (Gwyn doing the mind-stilling with Nesta ACOSF Chapter 39) [this is obviously in general a Valkyrie mantra, but when reading the book it definitely feels like it belongs to Gwyn the most]

She’d expected to have to coax her friend, but once Gwyn overcame her initial trepidation, she was a willing participant, and a merry companion. The priestess laughed at her own mistakes, and did not bristle at corrections from Cassian. (Nesta ACOSF Chapter 25)

“Because I don’t ever want to feel powerless again,” Gwyn said softly, and all those easy smiles and bright laughs were gone. Only stark, pained honesty shone in her remarkable eyes. (Nesta ACOSF Chapter 25)

Gwyn smiled again, her eyes bright. “Our stories are worth telling.” (ACOSF Chapter 56)

I could go on and on about Gwyn, but....

Tier Two - Summer and Sea descriptive language

We associate sun and light more with the Day Court and the Dawn Court, and so the only things I’ve ever really noticed as signature Summer Court are the Sea and Heat. SJM, surprisingly, doesn’t actually use a lot of ocean/sea language to describe anyone’s physical appearance in this series, I’ve really only noticed it prominently with Tarquin and Gwyn.

“Tarquin’s eyes—so like the sea beyond us—slid to me. “How do they compare to the ones you have seen?” Such a carefully crafted question.” (ACOMAF Chapter 32)

Gwyn’s eyes shone, like the sunlight on a warm sea. (ACOSF Chapter 51)

And when Gwyn reached the finish line, bloody and panting and grinning so wildly her teal eyes glowed like a sunlit sea, she only extended her battered hand to Azriel. (ACOSF Chapter 60)

“My grandmother was a river-nymph who seduced a High Fae male from the Autumn Court. So I’m a quarter nymph, but it’s enough for this.” Gwyn gestured to her large eyes—blue so clear it could have been the shallow sea—and her lithe body. “My bones are slightly more pliant than ordinary High Fae’s, but who cares about that?” (Gwyn/Nesta ACOSF Chapter 29)

Gwyn, however, stilled, those large teal eyes looking even more unearthly as they widened. No fear tinged her scent, but rather something like surprise—awe. (ACOSF Chapter 28) [Here, my only point is that Unearthly can be interpreted as Sea-ly - what is not earth is sea!]

Also, there’s a quote where Gwyn is compared to a summer storm in ACOSF (in the whole series, the only other non-Tarquin person who has been described with the word summer is Elain, and that was in reference to her similarity to a warm sunset), and a quote from ACOMAF where Feyre talks about the sea singing to her:

Quiet settled around her, as if Gwyn had been a summer storm that blew in and evaporated within a moment. (ACOSF Chapter 9)

The salt and the sea and the breeze tugged on me, sang to me. (ACOMAF Chapter 33)

Tier Three - The Significance of Colors

I think that we can all agree SJM wields color in a specific way a lot of the time - for example with Azriel and Cassian’s siphons or Mor and Amren’s signature colors. I noticed a ton of similarities in the colors associated with Tarquin and the Summer Court and those associated with Gwyn.

Tarquin and Summer

High Lord of Summer had rich brown skin, white hair, and eyes of crushing, turquoise blue. (Feyre ACOMAF Chapter 32)

She looked over Tarquin, tall and muscled, his clothes of sea-green and blue and gold, (Feyre ACOMAF Chapter 32)

Tarquin’s pewter tunic was accented with the same shade of seafoam green as my clothes. We might as well have been a matching set. I supposed with my brown-gold hair and pale skin, I was his mirror opposite. (Feyre ACOMAF Chapter 34) [Gwyn and Feyre have virtually the same coloring for the purposes of this contrast]

silver-and-blue armor of Tarquin’s court (Feyre ACOWAR Chapter 36)

Gwyn

Her large teal eyes were as clear and depthless as the stone usually atop a priestess’s hood (Nesta ACOSF Chapter 9)

Gwyn reached into the pocket of her pale robe and pulled out the blue stone of the priestesses. It fluttered with light, like the sun on a shallow sea. (Nesta ACOSF Chapter 15)

In the sunlight, the color of her hair was extraordinary, strands of gold glinting, and her teal eyes were a near-perfect match to the stones the other priestesses wore. (Nesta ACOSF Chapter 25)

Nesta refrained from snickering and selected colors for Gwyn: blue, white, and teal. (Nesta ACOSF Chapter 59)

She angled her head, hair shining like molten metal. (Azriel ACOSF Bonus Chapter)

Also, Varian is literally always at the Night Court, so Summer Court is also low-key always in play :P

#targwyn #tarquin #gwyn acosf #summer court #acotar #acosf #acomaf #acowar #acotar theory #wild theory #I know this is almost certainly not true #but it's fun

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gem-rewatch · 3 years

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SU rewatch- S1E11- Arcade Mania

Hey, long time no see!

I’m desperately bored in solitary quarantine at university right now, and decided to try and pick this SU rewatch series up again for fun. It’s been a while since I’ve watched through the show in order. Plus, now that this show is completely finished, there’s plenty more connections to make. I can’t promise I’ll be consistent with this, but at the very least I can have fun trying to make a few more posts at my leisure.

Anyways. With that business out of the way. Let’s get right on to the show!

We begin with yet another mission Steven’s guardians have brought him along on! I believe this is the fifth mission we know of that he’s accompanied them on so far. (Lunar Sea Spire, Inverted Pyramid, the unknown mission he returns from in Tiger Millionaire, the desert, and now this one.) It’s really sweet seeing the Gems begin to trust him tagging along more often. There will come a day in the near future where missions become routine for Steven, but in these early episodes, you can really tell that each and every one is a brand new adventure.

In terms of plot, though, this episode is honestly Future Vision: The Prequel.

We learn a lot about Garnet’s abilities and her role in the team here, even if all of these details aren’t spelled out word-for-word quite yet. Hints towards her future vision we see this ep include:

Garnet moving ahead of the group to be in the perfect spot to catch Steven when he falls.

Her flawless moves while fighting and dodging the monsters.

Her becoming a master at the rhythm game later in the episode.

Like, damn. Look at this.

Look at her go.

My Q U E E N!

I had to gif all of this just because it’s such a beautiful and smooth sequence of animation.

If there’s one thing all of the Crystal Gems can 100% agree on, it’s that Garnet is friggin’ amazing.

Garnet: “Let them go. They’re just parasites. If they want to be a problem, they’ll have to answer to me.”

So, does this statement mean that- at this present moment- her extended stay at the arcade was entirely beyond her future vision? That the only futures she saw were ones where she was actually present to deal with containment of the Gem parasites? Given that later scenes insinuate she’d never been to the arcade before, and would have no “data�� about its games to factor into her internal understanding of the world, this seems likely.

I adore the gradual palette change here, from shadow, to setting sun. It’s a nice detail that adds so much more life to what could otherwise be a rather mundane transition scene. It seems like unique palettes were more common in early SU- I wonder why Crewniverse stopped implementing these as often later on?

Pearl, entering the arcade: “Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.”

Thanks, Pearl. Love you too. <3

This sequence of Pearl failing at playing a car chase/road rage game hits so much different knowing what happens in Last One Out of Beach City. It’s genuinely radical how far she grows in confidence from this point, because here, she seems so shackled to rules and guidelines. Now that we know about her rebellious past, it might be tempting to write this characterization off as “early series weirdness,” but... I don’t think that’s what’s happening here.

Instead, I wonder if she’s working through grief-related regression.

Think about it... the pain of Rose’s passing is still so fresh for her. She was a rule breaking rebel once, yes, but she spent all of those days at Rose’s side. And I get the sense that she’s poured so much of herself into keeping Rose safe, into the rebellion against Homeworld, that without those, she’s caught in a vacuum. What IS her purpose now, when the very person she rebelled for is gone?

So she slips back into old pearl-like habits. Chronic rule following, and a fear of deviating from norms. How familiar. Thankfully, much of her arc throughout the show is her directly growing beyond these habits to live boldly as her own Gem.

The friggin video game when Garnet knocks its head off: “TELL MY WIFE I’M SORRYYY!!!”

Yo, what the fuck. This line is both hilarious and messed up, all at once. Please tell me the game isn’t sentient.

Aaaand here we finally introduce Garnet to the video game sensation that is Meat Beat Mania! This game is perfectly suited to her and her power of foresight because its patterns are algorithmic and not vulnerable to spontaneous deviations, and thus easy to predict, with enough input. She’s probably getting a quick rush of satisfaction with every correct move, and she barely has to exert any energy with her future vision to get that rush. After years and years of wading through endless possibility at every avenue, this video game’s patterns must be a rejuvenating breath of fresh air.

It’s addicting.

...Kinda makes me think of how I get sometimes when I play solitaire on my phone for an hour straight. After a while, I barely even think, I’m just shuffling through my deck and moving cards almost on automatic. I don’t have to use much energy to play, and it gives me animated fireworks every time I finish a match. It’s a win-win.

Amethyst: “I’MMA WIN AN AIRPLANE!”

I don’t know what it is about the way Michaela Dietz says the world “airplane,” but this makes me laugh every time. Does... does she think she can win a genuine airplane here because she saw Onion win a tiny motorbike from the ticket booth?? Amethyst, oh my god. XD

She’s got the spirit, this wild child.

So, moving on- we meet up with our crew later the next morning, Garnet nowhere to be seen. There’s an interesting exchange I’d like to highlight real quick-

Pearl: “If we’re supposed to fight a giant foot, Garnet would let us know.” Amethyst: “Yeah, Garnet’s the boss!” Pearl: “Well, we’re all a team. Garnet just has heightened perception that guides us towards our mission objectives.”

Considering the specific phrasing Pearl uses here- “heightened perception” instead of “future vision-” did Garnet outright tell the two of them to not explain her powers, just like she told them not to mention she’s a fusion? Because I’m pretty sure no one ever uses the phrase “heightened perception” again in reference to her powers.

Given the fact that Garnet chose to keep the knowledge of Ruby and Sapphire under the table until she felt Steven could understand her better, my guess is that this is a similar scenario.

Ahah, I genuinely can’t tell if this is Steven being gullible, or just impulsively playing along with Amethyst’s antics. Still- gross, kid. Don’t wipe your wet cereal face on your shirt! Ew! :O

When he goes outside and starts to use a kiddy metal detector to scan for quarters... so THAT’S where he finds his arcade money! Because I can’t imagine Greg is financially able to give him that much to spend on non-essentials at this point in the show.

Okay, so... I just want to bring light to the fact that Garnet has literally been in this arcade ALL NIGHT LONG.

It was evening when she first arrived here- the sun was visibly setting in the background, and when Steven, Amethyst, and Pearl left, the sky was dark. But now it’s morning. Steven was just seen eating breakfast. And Garnet is STILL HERE.

Does this mean Mr. Smiley locked her IN? I have so many questions... Did he try to get her to leave, only to be intimidated by her complete lack of response? I would kill to know more about this interaction. Poor Mr. Smiley. That man deals with so much bullshit in this town, huh?

Geebus, is Garnet a solid wall. Previous episodes have shown Steven forcibly shoving whole tons of food, and swinging a mini-freezer over his head, and yet he can’t get her to budge even an inch.

I absolutely adore how he climbs up her frame like a koala, though, ahah. Cute.

Meat Beat Mania announcer: “That’s rare!!” Steven: “Oh my gosh...!”

I take these two lines as evidence that this is the first time Steven’s ever seen Garnet’s eyes. Specifically, the fact that there’s three of them. Which, makes sense- since Garnet is still really reserved emotionally at this point, and is only begins to get in the habit of taking her visor off to show Steven her full face later on in the show.

This expression deeply hurts me.

Steven’s so distraught here- because the others are in danger, the town is in danger, and he doesn’t have his trusty, dependable guardian who catches him when he falls and beats up scary monsters for him. Without her, the whole team is vulnerable and blind.

He feels alone. He feels... powerless.

And so he responds to that confusing, powerless feeling by trying to compensate with his own power. When all other routes he can think of fail, he smashes the video game console.

It... uh, it works... but once again, Steven entirely fails to consider the consequences, huh? He experienced a little bit of character growth in this regard in the episode Serious Steven, but even past that it’ll remain an recurring issue for him. Hell, his impulsiveness is a general character flaw even stretching into SUF.

In summary, though:

Poor Mr. Smiley. He works so hard, and doesn’t deserve this BS. ;-;

#su #su meta #steven universe #arcade mania #garnet #amethyst #pearl #mr. smiley #jen rewatches su

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pippuns · 2 years

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Extend the body yoink and you could get some real shenanigans from ui!zenos and wol!ui

The “why I don’t remove the helmet” excuses getting more comical is hilarious (“what if the savages try to get me here, have to be ready at any time”) but ui!zenos has no idea how to handle their new crazy strength and this Jenga tower on one block of a person is gently and pretty accurately coaching them through it.

Idk if we forgot that wol!ui fuckin bodies zenos!wol- what else were they full supposed to do tbh- but imagine being ui!zenos and like watching this poor guy who you think is either a cruel joke or miracle that they passed basic training just fuckin, yeet themself into the goddamn antichirst

I wanna saw wol and ui become the beginnings of friends after this

Also if we stick with the wol’s ghosts having to stay with wol’s body. How much do you think they try to stop/slow/do something against zenos? How powerless do they all feel?

can i get uhhhhhhhhh extended body swap shenanigans in here?? thanks

all i want in life is for ui!zenos to pick wol up with one arm so that wol!ui would stop throwing themselves at enemies because they forget they're super weak now. please stop for the unknown imperial's sake. this is so stressful, why does this specific soldier blatantly disregard their own life so much. sir you're going to die.

also thinking about the idea that ui!zenos comes across some Actual Normal Garleans who are starry eyed at the surprise return of their missing crown prince, cause ui!zenos can't be like "sorry no im not actually the prince. im just Some Guy in his body" bc no one's gonna believe that bullshit. have fun navigating royal life in the post apocalyptic landscape of your former capital while missing all of the pieces that led to your current situation. meanwhile wol is in the background of all this, knowing exactly what zenos was doing all this time, just kinda going

as for the ghosts, they 100% feel incredibly powerless. on top of being completely unable to stop this whole chucklefuck of a situation from happening, i doubt they can actually do much to stop zenos, given the fact that zenos has practice strong arming opposing wills to obey him with his fake echo. we can only hope that myste's guilty wails in the background give him a headache. at least there's a new demon to talk to though??

#i love the idea of wol!ui coaching ui!zenos on how to Not Accidentally Kill with their bonkers strength stat #thats so cute omg #there's also the fun angst option where ui!zenos finds out what happened to their body #but is unable to do anything to wol bc thats still their body and they would like it back thanks #tfw the devil is in ur body #hey i want a name for all of this. a shared tag to keep it in for my own amusement #suggestions?#endwalker #ffxiv #ffxiv spoilers #ew spoilers #83 questline spoilers #im so fucking on board for unknown imperial+wol friendship #''their body was cold after you vacated it'' how about Shut Up my canon now #unknown imperial #wol

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beevean · 3 years

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How was Infinite better than Mephiles in your opinion? I think Infinite had a bit of potential but Pontiff ruined what little there was.

Is Forces a Pontaff game? It doesn’t look like one, and I think they just translated/collaborated? No seriously, I remember reading the credits and being confused. Anyway.

Let’s get out of the way the most shallow reason I prefer Infinite: design. Infinite’s design is damn cool, he’s so edgy that it’s obvious he’s meant to be a caricature, with his clawed gloves and boots with his own friggin’ symbol on it, but he’s still appealing to the eyes. Before you finish the game, the mask also adds intrigue: why is he wearing it, and why is he blind in one eye? It motivates you to get to know more about him. It also helps that he’s a canid, a family that is quite rare in the series - I can only think of Tails and Chip - and it makes him unique but not in a special OC way. (this also means he even has some cute features like big ears and a fluffy tail, which add delicious contrast to his “I'm the toughest of terrors I am the darkest of days” design)

On the contrary, Mephiles has two designs: Multiplayer-Mode Shadow...

And Nightmare Shadow.

And sure, the crystallized form is pretty cool to look at, but he still Shadow. I get that he was reborn from Shadow’s shadow (some writer felt very clever that day), but I kinda would have preferred to see him take other forms. Well, it’s not like the devs had the time to add a third model...

(also, both of them have awesome voices so I can’t put one above the other)

As for the rest, here’s a rundown:

- Mephiles, along with Iblis to a lesser extent, overshadows Eggman. He’s yet another villain that takes the stage and reduces the good ol’ doc to a miniboss, more preoccupied with stealing the McGuffin... I mean, Princess Elise, than to do some interesting villaining - this has the ripple effect of making Sonic the Hedgehog, in a game called Sonic the Hedgehog, nearly useless to the main plot until he’s killed. I have little tolerance for villains who want to be more “dangerous” than Eggman at this point, and Mephiles was only one of the last ones that played this overused trope seriously (wish he was the last one, but Dark Gaia is a smear on an otherwise beautiful game... but that’s another story). By contrast, Infinite is always Eggman’s weapon, and the game never implies you’re supposed to think less of the scientist - Infinite may be an arrogant buffoon, but he never leaves Eggman’s side. The two work on a tandem, and basically Infinite is terrifying raw strength combined with Eggman’s superior intellect. Took him long enough, but Eggman has essentially tamed a powerful beast like he’s been planning to do since Chaos.

- Mephiles is meant to be this master manipulator, a 4D chessmaster moving pieces across time and space to get to his goal. I love the idea, really: he’s the raw intellect of a god without any of the strength of a god, so he has to play dirty and play on mortals’ emotions. The problem is that the game isn’t competent enough to pull such a feat, so everyone basically has the IQ of a brick - everyone who has even watched some videos points out at least two things:

1) how can Silver, even if he grew up in a destroyed city, trust some random guy without a mouth and reptilian eyes who suddenly tells him “here’s the cause of your problems, now go back in time and kill him” and Silver is just like “okie dokie” without even asking “excuse me, and whomst the fuck are you”

2) Mephiles can travel in time anywhere he wishes AND he can apparently conjure the Emeralds at his side. There is literally nothing stopping him to go to Silver’s future and rejoin Iblis there, or even prevent the incident that split them. The game set no limitations to his powers, and so we’re free to think about the most obvious solutions, and so his overly complicated plan that hinges on a boy killing another boy 200 years in the past after he bonded with the Iblis seal to make her cry in grief, plus triggering Shadow’s trauma on the side... even more hard to follow, because it’s all useless.

Infinite, to be fair, has a similar problem with his powers: the Phantom Ruby’s potential has never been specificed, but it seems to be a strong reality warper that can even teleport people (Mania) - and yet we only see Infinite conjure clones and spikes with it, which is boring. However, one thing he has over Mephiles is that the guy’s blatantly an idiot. Like, the story doesn’t shy away from showing how his arrogant, sadistic mistakes like “lol i’ll leave you alive because you’re not worth my time” have serious repercussions to Eggman’s plans, to the point that the guy at the end is like “you know what, I’m sick of your shit” and kills him. And you may be like “how does that make him better than Mephiles” - well he’s more believable, and more human (relatively speaking), and Forces’ story was written with feet but no one got their IQ divided by itself so there’s that.

I get the feeling Infinite is meant to be both intimidating and a parody of overly edgy and cool villains like Mephiles himself, and for me it works. Mephiles... he’s kinda like ShTH: he takes himself way too seriously. Except ShTH is funny, at least.

To be kind to Mephiles, his backstory is at least more precise, and definitely more interesting: as I mentioned, I love the idea of a god that was split into powerless intellect and mindless strength. In a better game, Mephiles would have been an interesting villain, completely ineffectual in a physical battle and maybe in constant pain, but omniscent and with a streak of sadism.

Infinite, on the other hand, clearly went through a shift in backstory: the main game hints at the fact that he was made in a lab, but then Episode Shadow comes in and he’s just some guy who was bullied too hard. I... okay.

Anyway, Infinite is more appealing to me and he doesn’t break Forces’ already fragile plot like Mephiles does. also he cute. there :V

#sonic the hedgehog #infinite #mephiles #sonic 06 #sonic forces #Anonymous

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lifeofroos · 3 years

Text

Part 56. Nico feels like he crossed a line.

In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. In this chapter, they talk about Nico’s visit to May Castellan. The rest is on AO3 and FanFiction.net! And in Tumblr tags like Nico di Angelo, Dionysus, May Castellan (This specific arc) Etc.

This might be crazy: Chapter 56: Purple Kool-aid

I sat down on the porchchair. ‘Do you already know what happend?’

‘I can never be entirely sure, of course, but I have a hunch.’ Dionysus made a vial of purple kool-aid and a glass appear on the table. It filled itself. ‘I’ll let you tell your story first.’

‘So that you can scold me afterwards?’

‘Just tell the story.’

‘Okay then.’ I steadied myself. ‘I went to May Castelans’ house. That’s Luke’s mother. You know, that Luke.’

‘I do.’

‘I talked to both her and her caretaker. From the impression I got she is still mentally in a bad place. I helped her bake a few cookies. She isn’t allowed to do that alone, but she had began anyway.’ I took a sip. ‘At first, she seemed pretty happy, babbling about how Luke would come back and she liked that she saw one of his friends for once.’ My cheeks flushed red. ‘Eh…’

Dionysus nodded. ‘Go on. You can explain later.’

‘Okay. When we sat down for a second, May became sad. It was as if day suddenly turned to night. She began to cry and she wailed about how Luke would never come back.’ I bit my lip. ‘That’s when the caretaker came in. She helped May settle down and told me how she came to be a caretaker. Hermes put her in that place, apparently.’ I took another sip of Kool-aid. ‘I asked the caretaker whether people had tried to cure May from her madness. She didn’t know the answer.’ I looked up at Dionysus. ‘Eh… do you?’

Dionysus tilted his head. ‘I am not sure. I think Hermes… It was Hermes, right?’

‘Yes, it was Hermes.’

‘He would have asked me, yet he did not. I don’t know if he asked Apollo or Asklepius or any of my immortal children instead.’ he thought for a second. ‘He might have thought it is better this way. May gets to live in ignorance, under the illusion everything is fine, instead of having to deal with the burden of what happened.’

I opened my mouth, but Dionysus held up his hand. ‘I am not saying what my opinion on the matter is. I am only saying what Hermes might have had in mind.’

‘Yet, that makes sense, but then...!’

‘We have someone else’s actions to talk about.’

I angrily sighed and crossed my arms. ‘Hm.’

‘Sorry, Nico…’

‘Don’t pretend like you’re sorry.’

‘I won’t, then.’

I sighed. ‘I am not sure how I feel about it,’ I muttered. ‘Powerless, I think, and guilty, and sad. But mostly powerless. She is hurting, there, alone in her house, and I can’t do anything about it. And I feel like I might have added to it.’ I looked at my hands. My lip quivered. ‘I kinda… I think I shouldn’t have lied to her about being Luke’s friend. It probably only confused her. What am I saying, I shouldn’t have gone to her in the first place.’

‘Do you know why you wanted to go to Mays’ house?’

I tried to control my breath. ‘I wanted to see how she was doing,’ I mumbled. ‘I wondered whether she was okay. I wanted to know if someone was helping her, if someone had done anything for her. I…’ I shrugged.

‘I am going to cut in, now.’

I solemnly nodded.

‘Nico, you didn’t mean any harm. Still, it wasn’t a very well-thought out plan.’ He raised his eyebrows and I nodded in agreement. ‘This is going to be a horrible question, but why didn’t you tell anyone?’

I stared at my glass. ‘I know I should have talked about it, with you, or with someone else, but...’ I sighed. ‘I’ve got no but.’

‘You should at least tell someone when you go on a trip like this. Better yet, you take someone along.’

I nodded. ‘Yes.’ There was a high chance I might do something like it again and he knew it. There was no use lying about it.

‘All I ask is that you tell me your plans next time. If all you do is try, it will have been a step forward.’

‘I tried this time. I mumbled something about being away on saturday.’

‘In that case, I am going to need you to own up to it and tell me next time.’

‘Tough love, this.’

‘So?’

Yeah, so. I took a sip of kool-aid, knowing I would probably look similar to Dakota soon. ‘To come back to what I said earlier, that I told her I was Luke’s friend: I really, really should not have said that. I think she probably forgot it, but it was wrong. I basically knew that as soon as I had said it to her. Also, that caretaker, I…’ I shrugged. ‘I mean, I did explain her who I was, sort of, but maybe I should send her flowers, or something.’

‘I can say you are probably right and May does not remember you. If the contrary is true, I think you’ll find out soon enough. Now it is of importance that you do not make this same mistake again.’

I let my shoulders hang. ‘It feels like the fifth time I try to get it through.’

‘You shouldn’t beat yourself up about what you did. You now it was wrong, now it is time to focus on the future, so you don’t do the same thing a sixth time.’

I nodded. ‘Hm-hm.’

Dionysus looked at me. ‘I am not angry with you.’

He wasn’t. ‘Thanks.’ I was quiet for a few seconds. ‘What now?’

‘You should go help with the beach clean-up. Poseidon will not be happy if remnants of fire work get into his domain.’

‘Eh, yes.’ There are probably people I know working on that as well. I got up and emptied my glass. ‘Bye.’

‘Bye.’

---------------------------------------------------------------

When Nico was gone, Dionysus made a phone appear. He stared at it for a moment. He could try to call Hermes. He could try to make him see what was going on. He could try to make him ask to let him cure the poor woman.

He could have tried if it had been any of his business. Dionysus sighed and looked at the vial of kool-aid. The unspoken rule between the gods was to never meddle with anything that didn’t concern you. It only caused more trouble later down the line, when everyone was wrapped into feuds and relations.

Poor May Castellan, Dionysus thought, while he made the phone disappear. There was nothing he could do about it now.

A/N: Maybe I should explain why Dionysus doesn’t get names wrong. It is because I think it is stupid. That’s it, I don’t have more.

I really had to dig through my brain what the Kool-aid arc was again when I saw it in my google drive table of contents. Then I remembered what I did.

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lefossile · 3 years

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compare anime & manga mu🔪🔪🔪

The one that gets me every time, besides Pierrot adding tons of “extra” stuff is also how the animation twists original impact the chapters had, for example the whole Rukia suspense was lost, bc not only did they voice her which is a big spoiler, but also showed her face right away. That is a mood killer. We can talk about poor narrative takes with more extra time to some fullbringers such as Ginjo saving Ichigo and Yuzu or the whole ordeal with Jackie, where they just did contradict themselves, but nooo, we're gonna go straight to the point that kills me a lot.

We’re talking about Ichi’s lowest breaking moment and how it was handled differently in anime and manga by both parties. I was both time unsatisfyingly short tbh, but alas.

In manga everything goes kinda of rushed, Ginjo just extracts Ichigo’s power and leaves and narrative wise it feels mirroring Ginjo’s own situation, even though we don’t know that context at said point. I told it before, all of this was orchestrated in this way not only of mere practical reasons, but because of harsh lesson Ichigo learns that way. Ginjo literally puts him in the same pit of despair he most likely was himself after losing the original fullbringer group. He wants Ichigo to suffer that kind of pain, pain of wrong choice and its consequences, pain of powerlessness. And what makes it worse, he just leaves, making no long excuses or whatever, he gives Ichigo no time to recuperate or gather any moral strength.

What do we get in anime?

Well firstly everyone is having a nice little chat while Ichigo kneels in stupor.

We get a whole lot of flashbacks with dramatic music, to stretch the episode to its logical conclusion. Even if technically it wasn’t really necessary. After seeing Ginjo absorbing (finally after what? 15 minutes) Ichigo’s fullbring, we follow pretty close to the page with Ichigo’s inner monologue and here is where things GO ASTRAY.

From artistic choice to represent Ichigo alone, at “end of all bonds” while Tsukishima and Ginjo already walk away we get this poetic cinema shot. (Who allowed them, bc it makes zero sense for them just to chilly stand there and gloat, as they should made haste and just go on with their stuff, as they “mercifully” are letting Ichigo and his friends go.)

Even Uryuu’s initial bewilderment changed into trying to shut down his own failure ends up kinda a lot more dramatic shojo style stuff?

So we get different pacing, bc neither Tsukishima nor Ginjo move before Ichigo starts wailing, but technically they are already on their way and Tsukishima TURNS to cast a glance on another person’s despair. Which can either hint that he finds pleasure in the suffering or idk, is a normal human being who reacts to peoples tears.

And now when it gets worse.

In the manga Ichigo is still in denial about what happened, as he chants one phrase. Ginjo still walkis away but stops in his tracks to just side eye a mentally broken teen. (In case of any confusion the left speech bubbles are both Ginjo’s words, as he literally says that Ichigo got his fullbring because of Ginjo, so the power he gained with Ginjo’s help belongs to the one who helped achieve it).

What we get: no satisfaction, no standing up, straight up trauma out there as Ichigo is even drawn without blicks in his eyes to represent his lowest, desperate self. He sees Ginjo’s back, tall, unreachable and soaks in his failure, screaming in a final, futile attempt to action. It's the actions of a child.

Meanwhile, virgin anime gives us this:

Straight out of nowhere, as artistic choice we see Ichigo’s inner world which he shouldn’t be even able to access, where he, “chained by despair”, reaches eh, bottom and tragically lies there as sack of potatoes, thinking, “Is that it, what can I do?”

BUT SUDDENLY without further ado, light shines at the edge of water, and the memories flood in how he “wanted to become strong” and HIS CHAINS ARE RIPPING APART! God. As we couldn’t get enough of the same sentiments as of all the arcs before. And don’t get me wrong protecting others is what drives Ichigo, but don’t deny him any kind of growth like that, please? Let him live and process stuff not just coming back to his senses after two or three cliche sentences.

Spoiler: he does anyway.

And we’re coming to what completely destroys the original impact manga had.

So Ichigo says “Give it back”. But not in a way he chants and pleads it on his knees in the rain. No, he demands it with willpower to stand up. Ginjo stops in shock to hear him utter those words before rebuffing it, because it completely disregards the original setting of this scene. Here Ginjo, who served Ichigo despair akin to his own, witnesses him standing up, not losing any will to fight.

And we get extra pieces of dialogue, which just wasn’t there, which shows that Ichigos stubborness annoys Ginjo a lot, so much he asks him extra questions, giving some kind of extra care to somebody “useless” to him. While this serves to the point I was making earlier and we can guess that this kind of question Ginjo probably often asked himself and he accepted the situation happened to him or at least tried to, so that’s why the different approach shown by your overage shounen protagonist iffs him so much; it still turns the situation upside down. God, Ichigo even stands up himself.

AND as if it wasn’t enough to completely dismiss the WHOLE POINT OF THIS SCENE, they added this and I had to make a gif bc I am PISSED.

Can you believe they couldn’t let the protagonist hit the bottom, they had him, this 17 y.o. traumatized teen completely morally dominate old ass man who is SUPPOSED to be, at this exact moment, not giving a shit and being in the winning position.

There’s no tension, there’s no catharsis, there’s just same “I wanna be strong” agenda and zero character growth. Rukias arrival later feels absolutely bland, bc she doesn’t save Ichigo he already saved himself.

It does rob Ginjo of some of his real iconic moments, when he, a mentor figure and a character specifically made in contrast with Ichigo (also in their age, so he kinda has more life experience, that archetype) has won, as experience wins against naivete.

I’m smad//

Don’t let me get started at what they missed at his death sequence-

#bleach #ginjo kugo #ginjou kugo #ginjou kuugo #fullbringer #the first the lost #skyvar

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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You’re a disgusting, abuse-survivor-shaming cunt. I hope you choke, I truly do.

So I get way more of these kinds of messages than I could possibly ever count. Have been for years. I don’t generally reply to them the way I mock some other hate messages I can at least have fun with, because like, what’s there to say about this kinda thing, y’know?

I don’t know how to get people to understand that there is NOTHING hypothetical about my anger about the things in fandom I get angry about. My rants about dark fic are PERSONAL, they have NOTHING to do with some arbitrary moral superiority stance. I don’t make assumptions as to others’ survivor status or motivations for writing various things because I don’t HAVE to, my anger and frustration are with the OUTPUT, not the inciting reasons.

My hostility towards fandom comes directly from the hostility fandom shows me every time people try to convince me that I have no reason to have the reactions I do to the way they interact with the extremely combustible topics that define my own trauma and that of others. And the fact that fandom at large has decided that the ONLY acceptable reactions from survivors upon seeing others engaging with these sensitive topics in any way they choose, is either to be silent, or to take part in it.

I don’t have to know which writers of which fics are or aren’t actually survivors attempting coping mechanisms of their own to be fucking furious at the way fandom has literally commodified these traumas, made them exploitable by making the catchphrase “some people write dark fic to cope” all-inclusive, utilized by anyone. With no shame or self-scrutiny as to the fact that YOU at least know if you are or aren’t a survivor, and if you aren’t one, you have ZERO business offering this particular line up as a defense to any survivor taking issue with the ways you embrace particular topics in particular ways.

The only things I have any interest in shaming people for is their choices, the fucking CHOICE to turn on any survivor who dares say “I have issues with this take” and this goes for abuse as much as it does rape. I’ve lost count of the number of authors over the years who HAVE spoken of being rape survivors specifically but then turn around and treat childhood physical abuse as their personal playground, with none of the care they put into crafting rape storylines on display when they casually have male abuse survivors punching each other in every other argument and just citing ‘boys will be boys.’ I can have sympathy for their status and experiences as rape survivors while still being upset at how they simultaneously perpetuate so many of the untruths that make it so hard for abuse survivors to affirm that they have actually been abused rather than call it something that its not, something that they’ve seen writers call it because the writers simply don’t want to inspect the fact that they’ve casually and without awareness written their characters abusing another.

It’s not a zero sum game.

I get angry not because I feel powerless in my own life (I don’t, actually, thanks, I’ve taken actionable steps every single day to fix what’s wrong in my own life and lol that’s power baby), and not because I’m fixated on my own trauma and unwilling to move past it (lol yeah I have no money to spend on anything BUT therapy because I’m committing to the highly specialized and expensive therapy I only arrived at after years of trial and error with other forms because I just don’t want to move past any of this, okay sure).

Nah, I get angry because of the galaxy brain intellects who smarmingly just decide on this view of me for themselves, condescension dripping from every ‘well-meaning’ expression of contempt sympathy, with zero examination of the fact that like.....idk guys, its a little hard to move past my trauma when everyone ELSE seems more fixated on it than I do! LOL, so we’re just gonna skip merrily on by the fact that the only reason its an ISSUE for me in fandom is because its EVERYWHERE in fandom, huh? ‘Mind the tags’ people parrot mindlessly, as though its not like tags HAVE to be created with self-awareness for what people are supposed to mind, or like I haven’t had people literally try to trigger me with tags aimed specifically at getting under my skin as ‘payback’ for something I wrote (out of moral superiority, naturally, not a visceral display of emotion, never that). As though the tags have anything to do with the fact that even outside of Ao3, there are incest-themed shipping weeks every single month of the year, that every major discord server and fic exchange and other fandom wide event demands participants be ‘ship-friendly’ which might as well be code for ‘not friendly to anyone who doesn’t prioritize ships over survivors,’ like fandom hasn’t created a culture in which people are more inclined to be defensive over how people make writers FEEL about stuff they’ve written than they are to be defensive over how certain writing makes various survivors feel.

I’ll never get over how a fandom that universally expressed disdain for Devin Grayson’s disrespectful handling of the sensitive topic of rape has obliviously embraced every form of euphemism under the sun for their own content, and just flat out REFUSES to concede that there is ANY room for criticism in ANY handling of even the most sensitive of topics. Because there’s no sensitivity allowed when it comes to any topic in fandom....unless its the writer’s sensitivity, that must be respected at all costs.

Does that not really strike you as....odd? Aren’t there lines out there about how no society or culture or environment that truly embraces free speech can simultaneously embrace freedom from criticism? And yet time and time again, its anyone who dares criticize - in ANY fashion - the HOW of what someone wrote, not even the WHY, they’re the ones termed authoritarian, censor, the one attempting to SHUT DOWN conversation rather than expand upon it. Tell me, what conversation was THIS anon and similar ilk attempting to invite? Every criticism I write of fandom invites people to engage with it. I fucking BEG people to engage with it. You’re the ones who choose not to. At least not in good faith. Because its only when I refuse to let you move the goalposts from anything other than this being about me reacting to what you wrote, no aim at doing anything other than being a reaction to an action, not an attempt to tell you what to do, just an attempt to get you to tell me WHY, if it really is as defensible as you loftily claim it is - then why is it you just can’t tell me, straight to my face, that it doesn’t matter what negative reaction your writing evokes, you don’t actually have to care? Cuz you don’t, of course. But if you’re that content with your own motivations, your own impact, why so uncomfortable just saying that?

The funny thing is, I truly don’t make any assumptions as to the why of anyone writing dark fic. I have a lot to say about the fact that we all know damn well that at least some of the people offering up the ‘some survivors use dark fic to cope’ aren’t speaking of themselves when they do so, but I have ZERO interest in imagining who that is and why. I’ve spoken of the fact that its willful naivete to assume that even if your own motivations for writing certain content are innocent in your own mind, you can’t assume the same of EVERYONE. That its nothing but willfulness to pretend that actual predators don’t peruse the same content. That the very same factors that make Dick Grayson so appealing to survivors, for example, as a strong heroic character who neverthless has been victimized and violated more than once - the flip side of this coin is this of course makes him EQUALLY appealing to people on the other end of things....a strong heroic character who nevertheless can be victimized and violated more than once.

And yet I honestly, truly have no interest in figuring out who might be whom, when it comes to writers, and I don’t assume everyone who writes or reads certain content in certain ways is in the latter camp. IT DOES ME NO GOOD, to go through life assuming that many people are all potential rapists or inclined to side with my own rapists’ or abusers’ side of things. I CHOOSE to give people the benefit of the doubt there, I assume perhaps they ARE survivors trying in good faith to cope with their own trauma and defensive about hearing that butts up against with other survivors trying to move on in other ways, or that they’re simply people who grew up in fandom being told there is nothing they can write that can be termed wrong, and have trouble with such a deeply held conviction being contested. Or perhaps only got into shipping incest because the ‘fandom elders’ of various fandoms like SPN deliberately and with full intent once upon a time pitched incest as being the same kind of taboo relationship that the same kind of people who forced gay men into secretive relationships were against....that incest ships and closeted gay ships were basically the same, and so as the latter became less of a thing as media showed more open gay relationships, incest ships became more of a thing among fans who were really compelled by the secretive/’society’s against them’ aspect of forbidden love.

I don’t assume any of that on a ONE TO ONE basis with any single writer or reader because I don’t KNOW their personal story and I’m not TRYING to. It makes no difference when I’m not talking about or arguing against the WHY of someone doing a thing, but the HOW. The end result, and the interactions it creates in the environment in which their output is published, shared, celebrated.

All at the expense of any survivor who doesn’t enjoy seeing things they’ve struggled with getting taken seriously about, maybe all their lives....not taken seriously, and offered up as just a themed week on the latest fantasy porn prompt generator. The problem with incest shippers isn’t even just ‘you ship incest, why do you do that,’ its that you can’t seem to manage to do it without assuming anyone who objects is only doing so out of a place of moral superiority. You try and make it a hypothetical argument “well what about when you do this” as opposed to something rooted in the here and now of the personal. We’re not talking about what ifs, we’re talking about what is. Deal with that before you try raising something else, instead of always raising something else so you never have to deal with that.

The problem is people condescendingly assuming we have ZERO basis for any objection, or any negative reaction at all. Its our own fault, you see, for being too stupid to get that fiction doesn’t affect reality (even though we’ve debunked that time and time again). Its our own fault, you see, for not getting that its not really incest BECAUSE (a claim that is never actually as universal as it tries to pretend to be, and thus is never more than a distraction for the specific argument that prompted it). Its our own fault, you see, for not getting that this isn’t really a big deal, there are bigger problems, and its awfully sad if we’re so fragile and delicate we can’t handle someone enjoying something that has nothing to do with us (even though its never your call whether or not it has anything to do with us, just as its never our call what your specific motivations for writing specific content might be).

The problem is the same thing I’ve been dealing with all my life, and all the more exhausting for it being front and center in fandoms that claim to be escapism and catharsis for survivors....as long as those survivors perform in the manner fandom is comfortable with....aka the manner fandom has exploited and commodified in order to make certain manners of enjoying certain topics possible and defensible for ALL fans, regardless of their own connection to such topics, or motivations surrounding them.

Denial, avoidance, and abdication of responsibility. There’s no problem if YOU don’t see a problem, after all. There can’t be a problem if you just refuse to acknowledge a problem. A problem has nothing to do with you if you simply have nothing to do with it.

And all the while, you continue engaging in the same behaviors that provoke the same reactions that you refuse to ever actually engage with or address, relying on gaslighting to try and sell people and everyone around them that THEY’RE the real problem....its us that have no respect for freedom of speech, creativity or the creative process, other peoples’ traumas, the difference between fantasy and reality, etc etc ad nauseam.

We see people waving away instances of physical abuse with textbook abuse apologism, and we’re told we don’t know what we’re talking about. We see people offering up wording and phrasing in the comment sections of fics that are literally textbook grooming techniques we recognize from our own experiences and we’re told we’re imagining things. We see characters raping others without it being described as rape and we’re told we didn’t mind the tags, even though oddly enough, none of the tags actually said ‘rape’ but rather other euphemisms and if they aren’t in place to tell readers not to expect actual rape in the actual fic, then, what purpose is it they actually serve, again?

But sure.

Talk to me some more about survivor-shaming.

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operaghostnocturne · 4 years

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The Problem with ‘Love Never Dies.’

“Love Never Dies,” 2012 Starring Ben Lewis as The Phantom, Anna O'Byrne as Christine, watched on Youtube, 4/24/2020 SPOILERS. I would like to note: I enjoyed the set design, costume design, some of the music, and production of this version of Love Never Dies. I also really liked the actor’s performances. They did a good job. I especially loved Ben Lewis’s singing voice. (Derrick Davis ((US Restaged Tour)) is still my favorite.) The problem with Love Never Dies is its a sequel to Phantom of the Opera, the characterization, and writing. ALW’s Phantom of the Opera stands alone. It was never meant to have a sequel. It really doesn’t need one. I do feel there is a big disconnect between POTO and LND. I think LND could be rewritten to have nothing to do with the original POTO and would not suffer for it. To me, LND feels like someone’s fixit fanfic that doesn’t actually fix anything. POTO is also insanely iconic. It is hard to follow it up. While LND’s music is pretty good, I don’t think its nearly as memorable nor iconic as POTO’s. I also don’t feel it balanced original POTO music with new material. Honestly, it needs to pick one. Something ALW does in his musicals is reuses the notes of a song, mixed in a different pattern to make a new one. “The Music of the Night” and “All I Ask of You” are like this (look at sheet music if you don’t believe me.) This is not a complaint. This helps with cohesion of a musical. It also makes refrains, duets with battling music, and sometimes even story, clearer. When its done well, its unnoticeable. In fact, I got to play a POTO compilation in a semi-professional concert orchestra in high school. I never noticed ALW does this until when someone pointed it out to me like a month ago. In LND, I can constantly hear the rifts from the first musical, to the point where I think one of those songs is about to start, or it gets super distracting. I noticed this especially in ‘Why Does She Love Me?’ I’m 80% sure it was based of POTO’s main theme (like the song ‘Phantom of the Opera,’ or the ‘Overture.’) Again, I liked most of the music in LND. But it doesn’t hold a candle to POTO. oh look I made a pun. Having said that all that: LND feels like a sequel mostly to 2004. In my opinion, 2004 has the most sympathetic version of the Phantom, and the one that could most likely end up with Christine in the end. Especially compared to the US Restaged Tour. In 04, I also feel like the Phantom and Christine (not their actors) feel closer in age than other productions of the musical, other Phantom adaptations, and even the book. (For those who don’t know: Erik is 50-60 in the book, Christine is like, 16.) LND’s writing is not great. First of all: THE PHANTOM’S NAME IS ERIK. I know they were trying to have a MYSTERY pun. Mister Y does not work for that, especially in a format that ISN’T BEING. READ. I can understand why its left out in POTO, as it lends the Phantom some mystery (though I do not like it.) There is LITERALLY no reason not to have the Phantom called Erik it LND. Granted, this is a complaint I have from POTO too. I kinda feel like the Phantom not having a name dehumanizes him. That is a discussion for another day. I absolutely HATE that the Phantom runs a circus company. A big part of Erik’s trauma comes from being in a freak show. I don’t believe Erik would be willing to go back to that. I also don’t think it would be his scene. The Phantom of the Opera belongs in an Opera house, or at the very least a music all. I don’t know why he couldn’t have started something like that instead of a freak show. Or perhaps be an eccentric composer. Especially if he is getting help from the Giry’s. I do think its fitting that he’s working with/employing disabled, or deformed people, and other societal outcasts. However, being the owner of the VERY THING that treated him horribly is pretty bad, especially since we don’t know if he treats these people any better than he was treated. Also, every time the music switched to ‘show tunes,’ I felt Erik’s soul dying. On that note, when LND shifts from a musical to addressing the audience directly in its ‘show tunes’ sections, its jarring. It breaks the fourth wall way too much and really pulls the audience out of whats going on. The way Erik is in POTO, chased away from the world and the light, is why he is like he is. He became fascinated with the night, the macabre and darkness because of his experiences with the world. That’s a pretty big point in POTO. Its one of the things that make him sympathetic. After all “THE WORLD SHOWED NO COMPASSION TO ME!” is the Phantom’s excuse in the final lair. LND tramples over that. Gustave seems to be interested in the same darkness his biological father is, as seen in “The Beauty Beneath.” Erik’s obsession with the dark, night, and macabre is turned into genetics. Which is pretty bad for Gustave if you think too hard about it. Erik is a serial killer. I do believe talent can be passed in genetics. I also think the way we view said talent and how we use it is shaped by personal experiences and preferences. On that note, Gustave could have gotten his musical abilities from his mother, or his grandfather, both of whom are also talented musicians. Another thing LND suffers from, is making Christine a prize again. Raoul and Erik do not see her as a person. ‘Devil Take the Hindmost’ is literally the boys having a dick measuring contest, with Christine as the prize. That is not okay. I hated the ending. For several reasons. First of all, the Phantom is still abusive. He is a puppet master. He is still not capable of having a healthy relationship with Christine. Secondly, Christine dies. ALW, if you are gonna write a fixit fic the LEAST you could do is let Erik be happy. Plus, Christine is killed by a cliche ‘I just wanted you to notice me’ subplot. One that wasn’t entirely well set up or thought out. Which is disappointing and frustrating. Last two things I hated: when Christine kisses Erik for the last time, she doesn’t take off his mask. I feel like they missed a good opportunity to show Christine being completely accepting of who Erik is, including what he looks like (again, would be better if Erik wasn’t abusive.) I also NEVER like it when we don’t get to see Erik’s deformity in any version of Phantom. The only other one that doesn’t I’ve seen/read is Dance. (Which I dislike greatly. Its at the bottom of my list.) I’m kinda good either way if Gustave goes with Erik or Raoul (preferably neither, if I get a choice, which I don’t.) Erik and Gustave can connect over music in a way Raoul and Gustave cannot. Erik can teach Gustave about music and the beauty beneath. Raoul did raise Gustave. Raoul might also have a serious heart change after the events of LND that we are not shown. Or we can do that one AU where Raoul and Erik become Gustave’s two dad’s (either gay or not, whatever floats your boat.)

The worst thing about LND is it completely ignores the character growth in its predecessor. Characters completely regress into who they were before the ending of POTO. This is annoying and bad writing. Lets start with Meg and Madame Giry. I don’t like that Madame Giry is helping Erik. Yes, she helped him escape the freak show in 2004 (and possibly other versions.) BUT, she was also absolutely TERRIFIED of the Phantom in POTO. She helped Raoul find the Phantom’s Lair, with the full knowledge that Raoul intended to put a stop to Erik’s madness. I think it would be more likely that Madame Giry would stay as far away as Erik as she possibly could. Madame Giry also feels like a secondary greedy villain in LND, and that feels WAY off base for her. Maybe Erik being manipulative has rubbed off on her? Again, I don’t think she would be in this position in the first place (nor would Erik be manipulative, because I see him as realizing he DUN HECKED UP at the end of POTO). Meg, I could see wanting to help the Phantom (she even does in some versions.) I see this as her being enthralled by the legend of the Phantom, and less that they actually know each other. As for her loss of innocence, I don’t think it was set up well, nor was it executed well. Also, Meg wanting the Phantom to see her is a cliche. Cliches can be okay, if they are handled well. I don’t think LND wrote it well. The only person I feel that has consistent characterization from POTO is Raoul (well, a specific version of it.) I have always been of the opinion that Raoul is a jerk. Having him spiral into gambling and drinking after a traumatic event is not surprising. Could be something that was always there, could be PTSD. Who knows, it wasn’t really talked about beyond Raoul feeling sorry for himself, and him being frustrated that he can’t connect to Christine on a musical level. Christine’s arc in POTO was about taking back her own power and becoming her own person. Of letting go of the past and moving forward. This is thrown out. She is once again caught between two men in a dick measuring contest, both of which are trying to manipulate her to one side or the other, completely powerless. This time, there really wasn’t a way for her to get it back. I feel like she felt obligated to sing for the Phantom, even without Gustave’s life being threatened, and the Phantom’s manipulation is what made Raoul leave (Granted, I think Raoul leaving makes sense in the context of LND.) Christine has no agency in LND. Finally, the ending of POTO is what redeems Erik. He is the one with the biggest character arc and character growth. He learns the most. I do believe he had a genuine heart change at the end of POTO. What happened wasn’t what he wanted, but it was what he needed to become a better person, and start moving past his trauma. Ignoring that is a big mistake. Yet, in LND, he is back to being an arrogant, abusive, manipulative, puppet master. Sometimes, I can see small pieces of character growth. He seems less bothered by his appearance, and maybe slightly more mature. Though, even these glimpses are often overshadowed or ignored in the next scene. LND is NOT continuation of the characters we met in POTO. Much of the writing that connects LND with POTO is meh. Honestly, in some ways it feels like less a sequel and more its very own adaption of Phantom. Which is half its problem.

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thezeekrecord · 3 years

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hi im waiting for pain meds to kick in before i continue sleeping so im gonna sit here and talk about the intents behind character arcs in good afternoon good evening and goodnight ok i try not to talk about it like this Too much but hey it's fanfiction why not

so like. essentially the big overarching theme was obv supposed to be the subjectivity of reality and what it meant for themselves and their relationships

for gordon especially the game meant a lot about who he is/who he gets to be or wants to be, the idea of being a player character and second guessing your own intent was something i was excited to write as i was first starting to plan this fic out. i wanted him to struggle a Lot retroactively with reality when it felt like everyone else had long since accepted it had been a game, and ultimately that was supposed to play into his relationship with benry a lot. also obviously a huge thing for him was Trauma, we all love a good gordon freeman trauma hurt/comfort moment right? i wanted to write sort of a backwards progression for him when they were in hl2, like i tried to reverse the script a little between gordon and benry where he just. he was doing his best contrary to what happened with benry and was Worried because that's very gordon, but him just laughing thru a lot of shit and not taking it entirely seriously like he should, not even paying attention to how bad he needed a break because Well It’s Not Real Right? meanwhile benry.....well i gotta back up for him for a bit

benry i feel like i struggled a bit with, i wish id written him Slightly different in the beginning at least but ehh. idk there's a lot of content out there for benry that i feel like skips over the idea that he hurt everyone (im Not getting into disc horse over this even though i have a lot of thoughts about it) but it was important to me to write an arc of him really trying to reach out? i think ppl fall into the trap of putting "gordon has to understand benry" before "benry has to make an effort to be understood". i think it's easier to project and say you want the others to put in that effort on his behalf, but the truth is i think that effort has to be very mutual! i liked writing an arc for him where he doesn't even understand himself very well and had to give his relationships time. i wish id had more time for it, but trying to juggle so many character arcs was Really tough lol. but regarding my choice w/the hl2 part, i do wish id had the opportunity to have him there More, i entertained the idea of him being powerless but with gordon the whole time or smth, but plotwise it just wasn't working out And it felt relevant for him to have that whole experience with the nihilanth. i wanted him to have the reverse experience to gordon was having, suddenly realizing there were actual consequences and he could die, essentially living out what gordon felt was his experience in hl1 fighting benry even if ultimately things would have been ok, bc he didn’t Know or register that at the time?

Whoa 2 Paragraphs For Benry anyway after that, even tho i took his powers away temporarily for adding context to the others' perceived experience and fpr worldbuilding/adding stakes to the situation, i don't really like story arcs for redeeming characters where their arc is represented by having powers taken away Permanently. like "its ok guys i just literally can't do it anymore so i won't" u know?? it doesn't feel like Enough. i wanted to show something where he took back his powers and what made him who he was and used it for Good. i think that rounds things out a little better? it was important that everyone, especially gordon, got to see him taking back the powers he used to attack them in the game and using them to protect them instead. it was a part of his identity, being like Not Human, and played v importantly into his relationship with tommy

with tommy i feel like. ok with everyone in gagegn i feel like i was deliberately mischaracterizing a bit for the sake of the story because My City Now, but i think tommy got hit pretty hard ajchdjshg i just wanted a very particular arc from him....so he was Very serious and i wish id worked in more moments where he got to be like, comedically just super wrong about something or just generally silly but Oh Well. anyway tommy's experience with knowing it's not real was very much implied to be a lifelong struggle and i was Heavily projecting, like, i love the unreality elements in hlvrai because [dissociates and gets delusions about nothing being real] and i just wanted to leave it implied he's always had a hard time with feeling like he Knows it's not real, and still just. Keeps Chugging Along bc what else can u do? also this is a very particular thing but i feel like with psychotic characters in media there's always a question of "but what if....the whole thing isn't real....." but i wanted to write an arc for a character where delusions Prepared them for something in a sense? i could go on for a whole other post about the dsm and psychosis representation etc etc but he was just. Prepared for knowing it wasn't real. my experience i projected heavily onto the story was acceptance of such a weird, abstract concept, and just trying to have a fulfilling life/relationships anyway because what would trying to unravel it all just for the sake of it do?

and that plays into how i wrote gman as essentially a foil to tommy, but im almost done with a ""post-canon"" fic about him so i won't say much on that (i think the fic caters to only me specifically maybe but i'll still post it ajfjsfh) but regarding tommy's whole thing with g-man, it was Very intentional for things to feel sort of unresolved and for him to still second guess himself. it was important to me that way idk, i feel like that's more true to life?

i WISH i had more time and ideas for darnold though.... he's another case of my projecting definitely, and i actually almost had Him go into nova prospekt with alyx instead of gordon and reappear at exactly the right moment for dramatic effect, but i wanted an arc for him where he discovered he wanted more than anything else to be with the science team and to have him disappear kinda contradicted that :/

im running out of steam to keep typing this. well with dr coomer i feel like that was another wild thing that was me projecting again ajdjajfjd i just love a good fantasy DID/OSDD situation (NEVER SEES THIS FOR REAL) and i wanted a little extra flavor with the clones to sort of mirror bubby's struggles

and with bubby. like ok with the prototypes and vortigaunt friend, i had the idea maybe a prototype survived the resonance cascade and had been hiding that whole time and bubby actually finds and rescues him? but that felt too weird and complicated for everything else going on so i threw in a vortigaunt as an emotional standin for him. the reason i wrote bubby resentful to his prototypes at first is one of those things i only introduced to represent part of his story arc and not necessarily a headcanon, i love the idea he considers them family and likes them for the most part! it was just something to slowly represent him growing past black mesa without just Saying it

it's like 5am. lastly.....the player......just like gman was to tommy, i did my best to write the player as almost an opposite to gordon even if i tried to make them as similar as possible. something i rarely see is exploring how complicated i feel like it would Actually make things to have a player, outside your game, trying to be your friend? i understand why ppl don't go this route and i didn't go too hard on it, but i mean, he's this guy who has control over your world and is living outside of it, and views all your life hardships as trivial in comparison to his own? i wanted to represent this in only small ways, because i thought it made sense to show him genuinely making an effort, but in moments like when he was talking to benry and when he talked to gordon, i wanted to show him just. Trying but still not taking it as seriously as he should, he gets Mad but he's treating it like a video game still! it's a power imbalance, and if nobody else was going to explore that then i would afhjchkg

my choice getting back to tommy and benry at the end.... maybe i wrote it a little angstier than i should have but that's something I'm glad i ran with, i was nervous ppl wouldn't like it but. having that flash forward was important for tommy especially after he fought with gman about like, the significance of short lives. he still had benry who i think i could have tried to show being a lot happier to be there to drive the point home, he's just kinda deadpan and maintained him that way but genuinely i wanted him to be happy to explore space with tommy! they had a weird beginning to their friendship, and solidarity of being partly aliens in their own regards, and they were out there finally exploring those aspects of themselves, PLUS

they were very literally just. freely exploring their reality. they got to do Anything without it having to be established by the player! that was supposed to be something Good, they were happy to have that freedom and liked seeing new things with each other that even the player probably never dreamed of. it's Their World, they can do and see anything, even their goal of finding an equivalent of where gman could have come from was kinda just something to slowly work towards to keep them going in some vague direction. the primary goal was to just have a good time

anyway this story was the longest thing ive ever written in my life idk what came over me lol

#zeek speaks

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venus-says · 3 years

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Healin’ Good Precure Episodes 31-35

The anti-vax go crazy at the sight of the new Healin' Good power-up weapon.

I honestly don't know how to start this post, I think I never actually knew how to do these ever since I began this thing, but anyway back for more Precure! It only took me five weeks to get back this time, hooray!

You know, I wish I was more happy and excited to be back, but being frank, I'm not really? Part of it is because I feel like I lost the touch for writing, but the biggest reason is that I will be kinda negative about the things I have to say and I've been trying to stay away from negativity, especially now that my cat is sick, and I didn't want to be a source for negativity. But it's already December, I've neglected this blog a lot already and I feel bad for it so I decided to do something about it.

But to be honest, those weren't the only reasons why it took me a month to be back... I've actually been avoiding watching Precure. Well, I've been avoiding watching most of the things I write about because I've overdone it at the beginning of the year, and burn out hit me seriously, but from everything Healin' Good is what I've been avoiding the most. I know it doesn't seem like it, considering the last 3 posts I've made in the past 4 months (wow) were of Precure, but I've been watching the other shows here and there, I've just been sitting on a huge pile of drafts in my Evernote because I can't put my thoughts on those shows in a cohesive way for some reason, but when it comes to Precure, while it's easier for me to write about, I didn't feel compelled to get back and watch this show.

Every time I would sit down to watch a Precure episode at the same time I would open YouTube and Twitch in the hopes of something else I was more interested in would be there in my subscription box so I could avoid watching Healin' Good. And it's not like I think the show is utterly bad or isn't even like I don't have a good time when I actually sit down to watch the show, I just... lost interest. I think ever since Earth's debut my interest in the show has been decreasing more and more, and I don't know how to pinpoint if it's actually a problem with the show or if it's just me and the headspace I've been in ever since the pandemic hit Brazil. Yes, the story had plot points that I didn't like and the flaws of the show have been more apparent in my eyes with each time I watch it, but at the same time sitting down to watch one episode isn't an excruciating experience (especially when i'm not live-tweeting, istg i don't know why I ever thought that would be a good idea), I just don't feel attached to these characters as much as I did before and I'm not engaged in seeing what their story will become in the future.

With that being said, I think you all are already prepared for a post that won't be very positive so I guess it's time to put my personal rambling aside and talk about what y'all came here for, episodes 31 to 35 of Healin' Good Precure.

When I left in the last post I know I've said the cliffhanger of Episode 30 was a good one, and well... Episode 31 used its boots to step on my fingers and made me fell from that cliff. I forgot that since we were ending in that action the next episode would begin with the Cures being defeated, the major portion of the episode would be for dealing with the tension, and the new power-up would come at the climax. And that was exactly what happened, except that there was no tension at all and the power-up didn't feel like a cathartic experience just a Deus Ex Machina. The episode was very anticlimactic and just very uninteresting as a whole and once again, I know I'm going to be very repetitive here, it all comes down to the villains.

Everything that is depending on the villains' side to make me feel something 9 times out of 10 won't make me feel anything because of how boring they are. They made such a big deal about the villains evolving after using the Mega Parts, but it feels like anything changed. Shindoine is still just "the girl", Guwaiaru is still just the dumb strong guy, and the so-called power we're supposed to see from these new forms don't really make much of a difference since these two never get into actual fights with the cures, only the MOTW do. Daruizen is the only one they make stuff with, but it's more because they're really desperate to make him and Nodoka to be deeply connected and so they'll mold his character and personality to forcefully match him with whatever Nodoka's problem will be in that episode, if they need him to be the bored one he'll be, if they need him to be the curious type running experiments he'll be that, if they want him to be a selfish lone wolf they'll make him be. And that's just boring, at this point this villainous team and a cardboard cut-out are basically the same thing.

While also speaking about this "evolution" from the villains, you would think the new human-powered Giga Byogen would bring something new to the table, but no. It's just the exact same thing as before just with a bigger range for creating infections and a slightly higher defense stat. They aren't used in creative ways neither proposes a different treat that the other Mega Byogens did, proof of that is that in Episode 35 instead of a Giga they bring back a Mega just to show how irrelevant they are. They're also different from other monsters who draw their power from humans like a Nottrigger, or a Desertrian, or a Zetsuborg, where in most of the cases the summoning of the monster would be relevant for "solving the problem" afflicting either the victim of the week or the people around them. The teacher being affected didn't make his son appreciate the father more than he did before because that wasn't his conflict, Nodoka's doctor didn't have a revelation about his talents for medicine and Nodoka also didn't get anything new that she hadn't already learned before in the episode, neither did Chiyuu and her rival, you could completely delete the fight and that episode would've reached the same conclusion. Heck, the victim of episode 32 had only TWO appearances before he was turned into a monster, I doubt he was on screen for more than a minute, and they didn't need Touji to be there protecting the dog in the middle of the fight BECAUSE CHIYUU WAS ALREADY AWARE THAT HE'S A BRAVE HARD-WORKING KID BEFORE. These monsters are completely irrelevant and they don't add anything else to the show, and that's just really sad.

Back to Episode 31, let's talk about this power-up, shall we? Being straight to the point, I don't like it, both in the visual and narrative aspects. I visually like them even less now that we already know how the movie power-up looks and how much those forms are way more interesting than just a bigger hair and bigger skirts with a set of wings in the back that you could find in a Halloween costume sale. But who cares about how they look when this power, that is the manifestation of the the four cures combined powers together with their respective healing animals, comes out of nowhere without anything specific happening for them to trigger the appearance of the Healin' Good Arrow and the Special Healin' Good Bottle. Guess is needless to say that the Special Healin' Good Style doesn't feel special at all, it's like it only exists just to sell toys. Well, it's not like everything in this franchise is just to sell toys, but they usually know how to merge this with the story of the show and this didn't happen here. Also, for Christ's sake, this is the second year in a row where the name for the group powered-up attack is just the name of the series being used in the more boring way possible, where has their creativity gone to? The only good thing I have to say about this is that it gave us the healing animals doing some sort of rhythmic gymnastics and Pegitan twirling in that is prime content.

Overall complaints done, let's move one. (these will be quicker)

Episode 32, at first I thought I wouldn't like this one because they brought back this weird rivalry Pegitan has with Chiyuu's brother that doesn't have much of a reason for existing, but it was actually pretty sweet and heartwarming seeing Pegitan leave behind that and showing that he actually cares a lot about Touji, this silly rivalry is just his silly way of showing it (Showing it to who? I don't know, since no one but Pegitan and the audience seems to be aware of this, but shhh). This episode also made me like Touji, before he was just a background character to me and I didn't care much for him, but now I see him as more of a character of his own and not just Chiyuu's brother.

Episode 33 was my least favorite of the bunch because it connects to what to me is the worst plot point of the show: Nodoka's illness being a magic thing. If this had never been a thing, I'd be completely here for this episode. Nodoka's Doctor leaving his job because he felt powerless regarding Nodoka's disease and that being what drives him to go overseas to start doing medical research?? That seems great, and Nodoka feeling guilty for him leaving, while in actuality she's his inspiration is actually pretty emotional. But to me, it all just loses a lot of its importance because Nodoka was never sick after all, and unless this dude discovers on his own about the Byogens he pretty much went through all of this emotional trauma because and for nothing, it all becomes sad when you remember this aspect of it.

Episode 34 was going very well to me up until it's last moments where instead of sticking with a somewhat unique perspective on how to do a story like this they just throw it all through the window and instead of making Chiyuu and Tsubasa friendly rivalry exist outside the world of competitive sports they make Chiyuu change her mind and decide to pursue the World Tournament because you obviously can't have other interests and want to pursue different things when you're out of school, you gotta do that all your life, no other option allowed. This got me so disappointed, y'all have no idea.

Last but not least, Episode 35 which was my favorite, probably because it felt completely disconnected from the rest of the show and I could freely enjoy it in a separate pocket dimension without thinking about the rest. But regardless this was just a very fun and over-the-top episode that wasn't concerned about anything else other than just being fun, and that was exactly what I've been needing. Also, volleyball and beach volley is just cool as heck and seeing that incorporated in the fight of the episode was just fun as hell and a good change of pace. Akane sure is proud.

And that does it for now. Much like at the beginning, I also don't know how to close this one, especially after writing all those bad things and the fact that I'm not that excited for what's to come next. Well, let me know how you feel about all this, I don't know when I'll be back with another post but I promise I'll at least reply to any comment I receive. Without much else to say I'll leave you all with my usual sign-off. Stay healthy, stay safe, never stop resisting, thank you so much for reading, and until the next time. Healin' Goodbye~

#Healin' Good Precure #precure

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thefigureinthecorner · 5 years

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tama-rrow will be kinder- an am archives playlist

at least 3 months and 31 songs later and this monster of a playlist finally has a cover hell yeah

the pun title is....... literally the only fun thing about this playlist, actually.

song notes, and also spoilers, under the cut

a lot of these songs are mood songs; the lyrics don’t have a whole lot of relevance. most of them do have at least some lyrical relevance, though, provided that the song has any lyrics at all. it’s p much just the songs that helped me draw all that Good Good Angst

also important to note: I started making it after episode 9, so it’s mostly relevant to the back half of the show, and especially to the last couple of episodes.

again, this is 31 songs and over 2 hours long, so the notes are........ kind of long

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light/'Cause oh that gave me such a fright/But I will hold as long as you like/Just promise me we'll be alright

Desert Song - My Chemical Romance

this is one of those songs that’s there primarily for mood reasons; i added it right after episode 9 came out and it was on loop pretty much the whole time i was drawing stuff for that episode. the lyrics are kinda relevant, but not enough for me to pull out any specific lines.

The World Is Ugly - My Chemical Romance

this was added for mood reasons after 9, but then it became relevant.

I just wanted you to know/That the world is ugly/But you're beautiful to me/Are you thinking of me/Like I'm thinking of you/I would say I'm sorry, though/Though I really need to go

The Light Behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance

yes, there are three mcr songs in a row, and no, i’m not gonna apologize for that. the am archives slam dunked me right back into my emo phase. also, this song just straight-up hurts. like, the whole thing.

If I could be with you tonight/I would sing you to sleep/Never let them take the light behind your eyes/I failed and lost this fight/Never fade in the dark/Just remember you will always burn as bright

In Case You Don't Live Forever - Ben Platt

my one note for this song is: ow.

I've waited way too long to say/Everything you mean to me/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now/I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth/I'm everything that I am because of you

Spanish Sahara - Foals

this one’s another mood song, but it does have some lines that work; the forget the horror here sections are the biggest reason this song ended up on the playlist, actually, mood aside.

Hot Gates - Mumford & Sons

mood mostly, but also:

And I can't be for you all of the things you want me to/But I will love you constantly/There's precious little else to me/And though we cry, we must stay alive

Iridescent - Linkin Park

When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now You were there impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation You build up hope but failure's all you've known Remember all the sadness and frustration And let it go, let it go

Gone Away - SafetySuit

again: ow.

i just... go look at the lyrics. do it. it hurts.

POWERLESS - Linkin Park

it’s mostly here for mood, but the lyrics feel relevant in a way that i can’t pinpoint but it’s a way that hurts.

Daylight - Boyce Avenue

i have other connections to this specific cover of this song that make it Extra Painful but like Daylight started playing literally right after Crazy while i was at CVS and i was like hey hi excuse me i just wanted to get some Arizona w h y

anyway.

Here I am staring at your perfection/In my arms, so beautiful/The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out/Somebody slow it down/This is way too hard/'Cause I know, when the sun comes up/I will leave, this is my last glance/That will soon be memory

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

ah. the Quintessential Sad Medical Drama Song. not that tama is a medical drama but like it kinda gave me those vibes at times?? anyway. it’s here for mood more than anything but there are some lyrics in it that hurt

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

not even abba is safe from tama angst.

no seriously though i got this song stuck in my head and had an aw fuck come on seriously???? ABBA?????? you’re making ABBA hurt???????? moment

re: joan and owen

The gods may throw a dice/Their minds as cold as ice/And someone way down here/Loses someone dear/The winner takes it all/The loser has to fall/It's simple and it's plain/Why should I complain

and re: joan and wadsworth

I don't want to talk/If it makes you feel sad/And I understand/You've come to shake my hand/I apologize/If it makes you feel bad/Seeing me so tense/No self-confidence/But you see/The winner takes it all

I Of The Storm - Of Monsters and Men

Are you really gonna love me when I'm gone?/I fear you won't/I fear you don't/And it echoes when I breathe/Until all you see is my ghost/Empty vessel, crooked teeth/Wish you could see/And they call me under/And I'm shaking like a leaf/And they call me under/And I wither underneath

Hail To Whatever You Found In The Sunlight That Surrounds You - Rilo Kiley

this one is 100% a mood song. i’ve debated taking it off the playlist but it just... gets me in the right headspace for drawing tama art, i guess?? something about the sadness/anxiety in the song or something i think

Fear - Sleeping At Last

it’s instrumental, so yeah, mood song

For Good - Wicked

i��ve made art based on this song, but i didn’t even use the lyrics that actually hurt the most?

And just to clear the air/I ask forgiveness/For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know/There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Empty Chairs At Empty Tables - Les Miserables

yeah so realizing how well this song fit kind of felt like what i would imagine getting hit by a train feels like

the whole song fits. just trust me on this.

All Gone (No Escape) - Gustavo Santaolalla

another instrumental one that’s mood-only, but i was rewatching a last of us playthrough as a reference for a thing and this song popped up towards the end and i was like “ah, that hurts, i need it”

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face

y’know what? the song’s pretty short. have all the lyrics, and i’m sorry.

All is well now Pay no mind All is well now I'm just fine I'm just fine It's only blood; I have plenty left It's only blood; I just need to rest I said I'd fix this That I'd set things straight You begged me not to But I couldn't stay Couldn't wait They cut me up, but I did them worse And I'll be fine, I just need to rest All is well now All is well now All is well now All is well now

......yeah.

when i heard it, i swear to god it replicated that exact sinking feeling i felt in the pit of my stomach when i first listened to episode 15. it fits way too well, and i have too many feelings about this song, and hhhhhhh

After the Storm - Mumford & Sons

And I won't die alone and be left there Well I guess I'll just go home, Oh God knows where Because death is just so full and man so small Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before

The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine

someone in the tag mentioned this song and i’ve been crying over it ever since

it’s just. 9 minutes of jesus christ, ow, what the fuck

Winter Song - The Head and the Heart

this one’s mostly here for mood, but some of the lyrics do fit and they hurt, like “we’re just praying that we’re doing this right/but that’s not the way it seems”; joan realizing that she’s been going about the tier 5 clear out the wrong way and the costly mistakes that come with that.

Touch - Sleeping At Last

i think this one’s mostly for the mood, but there’s something in the lyrics that make me think of joan in the finale; that kind of numb, “none of this feels real” denial of everything that’s happened both to her and to the people she loves.

Silhouette - Owl City

this song hurts especially in the context of the “i need you to be happy” line, i think; the line changing between “will i ever feel again//will i ever smile again//will i ever love again” is just, like, a trifecta of pain

The fire I began, is burning me alive But I know better than to leave and let it die I'm a silhouette asking every now and then Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again? I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

All Is Well (Goodbye, Goodbye) - Radical Face

fun fact! all is well (it’s only blood) has a companion song!! because you know what’s better than one angst? two angst!!

And I have lost your face It slips between my fingers now And all the world is gray As though you took the colors with you When you went and passed away

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Jason Mraz

this one’s on my joan/owen playlist too, but it hurt too much to not put it here.

And if we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait It's hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories To be my sunshine after the rain It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Cradle and All - Audra McDonald

i’m just sitting here, innocently listening to joan’s playlist, when this song pops up and i’m like aw fuck aw shit no goddammit

It's not like he didn't love, no, that I couldn’t conceive There are many ways a man can stay And many ways that he can leave

Oh hush, oh hush, don't be scared I know that you tried, I know cared Let's put it behind us, that noise in the hall

We All Go the Same - Radical Face

i’ve made art for this song, too! it hurts. it’s sad. it’s about death. it’s got sad piano. what more explanation do you want

Light In The Hallway - Pentatonix

it’s.... comforting in a sad way, idk. it felt like it fit, especially towards the end of this playlist.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder - The Secret Sisters this song is kind of like... sad and optimistic at the same time. i wanted to end this playlist on at least kind of a lighter note, and i think this song does that. it works with the finale; sad, not quite recovered, but still looking towards the future and knowing things can still be better despite every terrible thing that’s happened.

also, it’s where the pun title comes from.

Sorrow weighs my shoulders down And trouble haunts my mind But I know the present will not last And tomorrow will be kinder

Tomorrow will be kinder It's true, I've seen it before A brighter day is coming my way Yes, tomorrow will be kinder

Today I've cried a many tear And pain is in my heart Around me lies a somber scene I don't know where to start

#the bright sessions #the am archives #am archives spoilers #joan bright #agent green #sam barnes #helen #ellie wadsworth

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moondustis · 5 years

Text

what you like / pleaser (m)

pairing: mark lee + reader genre: smut word count: 2,9k warnings: demon summoning, succubus!reader, unprotected sex. this may lack in accuracy on how the whole demon summoning thing works... i apologize summary: “Mark Lee is not an impulsive person, not at all. He likes to think things through so he can do them well. He’s also not a poor choice maker, not that he thinks so at least. That’s why he can’t understand why he’s in his room on a friday night conjuring a demon.”

Mark Lee is not an impulsive person, not at all. He likes to think things through so he can do them well. He’s also not a poor choice maker, not that he thinks so at least. That’s why he can’t understand why he’s in his room on a friday night summoning a demon.

Well, maybe he can. For three weeks now he has been having what you could call weird dreams. To be more specific, wet dreams. It started on a regular tuesday night after a full day of classes, he fell asleep easily, being so tired and what started as a nice, pleasant dream quickly became something more. He can’t even remember how exactly the dream went but it was so intense that he woke up with a killing boner.

At first he thought it was just because it had been a while since he last had sex, one year to be exact. Hookups weren’t really his thing and he was too busy to go around and look for an actual relationship. But the dreams kept happening and by the half of the third week he was exhausted and tired of coming in his sleep.

So here he was after an extensive google search, white chalk on his floor and candles lit, his hand trembling quite a lot as he does exactly what satanic wikipedia has said he had to in order to summon a succubus.

It’s wrong, so wrong, because for one Mark has never believed these things, and he is, or used to be, a nice catholic boy that sang on the church choir. And even if he’s a bit skeptical about the whole thing, making a sigil on your room's floor with white chalk seems like a big deal.

He says the spells, or whatever they’re called, outloud and feels a little silly because nothing happens for a minute, then two.

He’s about to give up when the circle lits up and he falls back on his bed with a loud yelp because holy shit, his room is on fire. Fire that does not look like actual fire and there’s a girl standing in the middle of it. Holy shit, holy fucking shit.

He’s gonna have a whiplash or die, or both because there’s a demon in his room. A demon that he summoned.

“You look quite scared for someone that apparently wanted this to happen.” You say, voice so sweet that it could soothe him if his heart wasn't about to rip off his chest.

“Oh my fucking god.” Is the clever words that come out of his mouth and it makes you laugh. It’s surreal. You look nothing like he expected a demon to look like, no horns, no tail and no black eyes.

“Not even close, baby.” You cross your arms, giving him a pointed look as he takes deep breaths. “Are you sure you wanted this to happen?“

“I’m-Yes.” He manages to say and you just keep staring at him like you’re extremely bored. “I mean you-you kept appearing in my dreams.”

You giggle at his words, looking smug at the mention of the dreams. “So you summoned me because you wanted your dreams to come true?”

Is that what he wanted? He can’t remember quite properly with the demon now standing in front of him. He knows he wanted the dreams to stop but with the enticing girl standing in front of him he’s not sure if that’s all he wants.

“So?” You say after he doesn’t give you a reply, raising one eyebrow. “I can’t do anything if you keep me stuck here. Come break the sigil.”

He moves cautiously from the bed, hands still shaking slightly and watching your every move. The look on your face tells him that you find the whole thing amusing and it makes him feel small. He shouldn’t trust you, breaking the sigil would probably give you full power over him or something like that, the reading he did on the subject hadn’t been very fulfilling.

Still he steps on one of the circles in the sigil, spreading white chalk around and breaking it. The moment he does you step forward in his direction, a mischievous smile on your red tinted lips. The sudden movement startles him, making his arms go up in protection. “W-woah, woah, wait,” he says, voice breaking slightly. “ shouldn’t we like, set some rules? I don’t want to, I don’t know, give you my soul by accident.”

His words make you giggle again, ignoring his protests by continuing to move close to him until you’re almost pressing your chest to him. “Trust me, if you were to give me your soul it wouldn’t be by accident.”

He blinks slowly. “Uh… Okay, I guess?.” That's one less thing to worry about. “Still, don’t we need like rules?” I don’t do stuff like this daily.”

You move your hand to his cheek, and he gets the feeling you’re trying to entice him in someway. “It’s not that complicated.” You almost whisper, hand traveling all the way down to his neck making a shiver run through his body. “I’m here to make you feel good, like I did in the dreams… And in exchange you give me something.”

His energy, his mind supplies. He had done minimal research on succubus, the minimum he had go know before doing this. The demon wiki had told him that succubus sucked the energy out of humans, that’s why he always woke up so tired from the dreams. He wondered for a second if it happening in real life would be worse.

Your hand starts massaging his nape and he’s one second away from becoming putty in your hand. He’s sensitive to touch, always had been, and even if he knows his way around girls they still make him slightly nervous. A demon girl was just to far out of his capacity and he felt almost powerless in front of you. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll take care of you.” Is the words you say before you’re closing the distance between the two of you.

There’s no sparks or special taste but still it’s like a fire ignites inside of him, his lips parting immediately to yours in an embarrassing moan. You know exactly what you’re doing, clearly, kissing him slowly and biting at his bottom lip in a way that would make his eyes flutter if they were open. He doesn’t even realize you’re moving until the back of his legs hit the mattress and he’s falling on it, you following my straddling his hips and settling down on his lap.

He enjoys the weight on top of him, gets the sudden urge to run his hands on your now exposed thighs, that look oh, so soft. He’s distracted by your lips pressing kisses to his jaw, before moving to the spot on his neck that makes him squirm slightly. “You behave so well, Mark.” You mutter between kisses, making him blush a nice shade of pink.

“I-uhm, thank you?” He replies with small and timid voice, cheeks still tinted as you coo at him. You probably see him like a small puppy, a weak human for you to play with. He realizes he’s not that bothered by it when you press closer to him, your lips closing in a bite against his neck.

He would never describe his sex life as anything but vanilla, and he enjoyed it like that, was a big fan of missionary and foreplay that involved his fingers inside a girl. He had never tried the whole power dynamics everyone seemed to be on about, was satisfied with the usual. But with you on top of him, saying things that made his head spin, he wanted nothing more than please you and make you happy. Give you whatever you wished for.

His hands move on their own accord, gripping your thighs like he wanted to earlier and he almost moans at how soft and plush they feel against his hands. Your lips chase his again and he could swear the whine you let out when they finally met is angelic.

The kiss is interrupted by his cell phone going off on his bedside table, an annoying cheerful song indicating that Jaemin was currently calling him. He wouldn’t have even noticed it if it weren’t for the annoyed sound you make as you detach your lips from his, leaving him chasing for it with his eyes closed. “Please do something about that.” You plead, making him open his eyes to be met with the breathtaking view that is your now fully black eyes staring down at him, your lips even more red that they were before. A sight that would be terrifying if he wasn’t so attracted to you.

He only stops starring when you mutter his name again and he finally snaps out of it, muttering a quiet ‘fuck’ while he moves as best as he can to get the phone without making you leave his lap.

The moment he accepts the call he’s greeted with a high pitched scream that is so loud that you can hear it to. “What’s up, man?” Jaemin’s slurred voice says as a loud song plays on the background. “Where the fuck are you?”

“I’m kinda busy right now, bro.” Is what he replies, eyes almost fluttering with the way you’re gently massaging his scalp, sitting so pretty and patient on his lap that he gets the urge to just hang up on Jaemin and continue what you were doing.

“We’re going to Johnny’s party,” it’s Jeno’s voice that says that, as Jaemin mutters something on the back. Mark lets out another string of swear words, did they really call now out of all other times to talk about some party. “You should come.”

You bat your eyes, like you’re trying to convince him that he shouldn’t go to the party and stay here instead. It’s not like he even considered the first option, not with the way you move to press a weirdly kiss to his cheek before you’re kissing his neck again. Not with the way you start rolling your hips just slightly over his. “T-Thanks, dude, but I’ll pass.” He says making you smirk against his skin and he immediately hangs up before even hearing Jeno whining about how he’s gonna miss the best party.

“Don’t you wanna go to the party with your friends, Mark?” You say in a mischievous voice while pouting at him.

“Not really.” His reply makes you giggle again and he takes that opportunity to press another kiss to your lips.

“I’m flattered.” You say in between kisses, hands moving to the hem of this t-shirt and he gets the clue, taking it off and discarding it somewhere in the room. Your fingers immediately move to his chest, tracing patterns on it that makes him shiver and he chases once again your lips, feels like he could kiss you forever.

This time he parts his lips slightly and you let your tongue move against him as he continues to grip your thighs while you circle your hips timidly over his. It’s overwhelming almost how everything that was usually good feels amazing, probably because you are a succubus, but still he feels like his senses are enhanced and he could come from just this.

He has to make you feel good, his mind provides between his other foggy thoughts, and in a moment of boldness he moves his hand slowly to the hem of your dress. When you don’t say anything about it, just continue on kissing him, he dips it inside until his palm is pressing against your very bare center. He lets out a whimper in the back of his throat.

“What are you doing, baby?” You ask and he watches the string of saliva that still connects your lips when you end the kiss. Then he’s looking at your black eyes again, like a child caught doing something they shouldn’t. “I’m the one that’s supposed to make you feel good, remember?”

As if to point out your words you roll your hips with a little more force this time and his eyes roll back. He’s so hard so right, ready to let it go with only a word from you, but still, he feels like he doesn’t feel you around his fingers. “I-fuck, want to make you come.” He moves his fingers so they’re parting your folds and he can press them against your clit. “Please?”

Your lips part a little and the begging seems to get to you because you’re nodding your head and parting your legs slightly to give him more space. He begins to work gentle circles over your clit with the pads of his fingertips, your head coming to rest on his shoulder as you lets out a breathy moan.

He wishes he could listen to your sounds every day, wants to make you feel so good that you are screaming his name. “You’re so good, Mark.” You whisper with your lips against his neck and his finger traces down to press against your entrance. “Such a good boy.”

Your words make a blush set on his entire face and a fire ignite on the pit of his stomach at the same time. “Shit, you’re so wet.” He mumbles adding a finger inside of you, that’s easily followed by another one. He moves them upwards, trying to hit your most sensitive spot while his thumb flicks across your clit.

You grip his face with your hand, moving to desperately kiss him. It’s messy and rushed, your lips parting in an erotic way to let out moans that sound like honey on his ears. His fingers increase the pressure as he picks up the speed and you grip his cheekbone with so much force that it could bruise.

When you come it’s with a moan against his lips and your body shaking on top of his. He can’t take his eyes of the view, pupils probably so dilated that his eyes are black, but not as black as yours.

“Mark, I need you to fuck me right now.” You say, desperation in your voice, after you come down from your high. Your hands move to undo his pants in such a quick motion that for a second he’s left blinking dumbly at you . “Come on, pretty boy. If I don’t have you inside of me at this exact moment I’ll set fire to your whole room.”

He starts moving at your words, removing the rest of his clothes at the same time he tries to watch you getting up to remove yours. It’s a sight, one that he’ll never be able to get out of his head. He has been with girls before, all of them giving him quite the view but this right now is different. There’s something to you that makes his mouth almost water and he wants desperately to touch.

“Gonna fuck me good, huh?” You whisper as you climb onto his lap again, sliding your palm against his dick with slow strokes.

He nods, probably a little too excited as a moan leaves his lips. “I need- shit, need to get a condom.”

You let out a breathy laugh. “I’m a demon, Mark. We don’t need to use one.” You whispers and he feels his head spin a little. “Okay?”

He nods again and you press him against your entrance, your wetness spreading over him. It’s ironic almost, how he feels like he’s having an religious experience as you sink down on him, so warm and so wet that he’s throbbing as you get all of him inside. He curses loudly, hands gripping tightly at your hips. It takes a lot of his willpower not to come right there.

“You feel so good, baby.” You breath, hands moving to his neck as you move in a steady rhythm on his lap. “Filling me up so well.”

He’s sure he’s far from the best you ever had but your praises are so enticing that he lets himself fall for them, moaning loudly as you clench around him. “‘M not gonna last long.” He mumbles, moving to press kisses along your chest as he circles a nipple with his thumb. “Feels so good.”

Your hands move to his hair, brushing the few strands that are pressed to his sweaty forehead. “It’s okay, love.” Your lips press at his forehead and you speed up just a bit. “Wanna feel you coming inside of me. Are you gonna do that, huh? Fill me up with your cum?”

It’s too much. Too much that he can’t help but circle your hips with one arm as he starts to pound inside of you, making you bounce on top of him as he grunts and spills curse words, mouth pressed to your chest. He comes when your walls squeeze him just too good for him to handle, with a quiet chant of your name and arms bringing you as close as possible.

It takes a while for him to come down from it, his whole body shaking slightly when you lift yourself from his lap. You put on your dress as you watch him struggle to get his boxers on. “You gonna stay here?” He asks voice sleepy as he moves to lay down on his bed, patting the empty spot besides him in the hopes that you will. “‘M so tired.”

The last thing he remembers before falling asleep is a giggle coming from your mouth as you press a kiss to his forehead. When he wakes up, you’re gone and he would think that it was all a dream if it wasn’t for the white chalk on his floor.

#mark smut #mark scenarios #nct smut #nct scenario #nct scenarios #laughs nervously

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