#:res ending feels kind of out of tone with the rest of the series but i am a big fan of him getting to settle down and be a great uncle :)

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

One of your "It's a Match" chapters gave me an idea. LOVE that series btw!

What if Gaz is a virgin so Simon let's him lose his virginity with his gf? Simon is there to guide Gaz and make sure he does it right so you get as much pleasure out of it as needed. Then you give Gaz the ride of his life while Simon controls when and where he gets to cum. The poor man whimpering beneath you from the edging and denial until he finally gets permission to cum.

Sub!Gaz x Dom!Simon x Switch!Reader

(Feel free to ignore this as well.)

Took some creative liberties with the prompt and made Switch!Reader a mean/brat tamer domme even if Gaz isn’t necessarily a brat (just felt more practical for me to do it). Sue me.

Sharing is caring. || Gaz x F!Reader x Ghost

Rating: E Words: 4.7K (this one got away from me sorry) Pairing: virgin!Gaz x gf!Reader x bf!Simon CW: smut, voyeurism, hotwifing, domination/submission, oral sex (m! and f! receiving), unprotected piv, fairly rough/forceful sex (BUT CONSENSUAL), praise, slight verbal degradation?, body mods (piercings). other tags: pre-established couple, loss of virginity, pre-agreed upon conditions, consent checks, no beta we die like soap. a/n: no thoughts, just vibes. NOT PROOFREAD

Simon first brought it up one sleepy Sunday evening, when you two were lying side by side in bed, his arms snaked around you as you read an e-book, his eyes glued to the TV on an episode of some crime show.

“You know,” He had said, Roman nose rubbing the top of your head affectionately. “I’d like to run something by you.”

“Hm?” You cooed as you rolled your head back on his chest to look up at him.

“So Kyle has this problem,” Simon began to explain as he looked down at you, brown eyes peering through his blonde lashes.

That got your senses tingling and you immediately set aside the tablet to dedicate your attention to the topic at hand, turning your body to properly face him, your arm coming to rest on his shoulder.

“What kind of problem?” You questioned, an eyebrow raising in intrigue.

Simon’s eyebrows twitched lightly, a tell-tale sign he was about to bring up something ‘embarrassing’, some good gossip. “Go on!” You immediately insisted, catching the little microexpressions on his face.

“He’s a virgin.” Simon revealed, causing you to gasp, pulling your head back and shaking it in confusion.

“NO?!” You said in shock. “With that pretty face of his?” You blinked.

“I know.” Simon says and then cocks a brow upward. “So what do you say?”

You didn’t need clarification, you simply smirked and shot him a look.

-

That’s how you ended up here.

Simon made all the arrangements, established rules with Kyle, and finally brought him over the that following Friday.

“You sure about this, sir?” Kyle asks, ever respectfully, sat on your living room couch, with you by his side, Simon sitting across from you on the arm chair by the chandelier.

“As sure as anyt’in’.” Your boyfriend replies and casts a glance at you. “You sure, da’lin’?”

“100% sure.” You answer, before glancing at Kyle. “Are you sure about it?”

“I… I am. But… It’s… It’s your relationship, I don’t want to cause an issue.” Kyle tells you, looking at you sheepishly, dark lashes fluttering anxiously over those stunning brown eyes of his.

“It’s not our first time doing this, I’m sure Simon’s told you all about it.” You reply in a reassuring tone.

“I know but…” Kyle says as he looks at you, your hand on his knee, finger drawing light circles on the denim of his pants.

“We’ll start off slow, at your pace. If ever there’s anything you don’t like, we’ll stop.” You assure him. “Simon’s here for that, after all… Not just for my sake, but yours too.” You add.

Kyle nods and gulps down a deep breath, casting one last glance at the form of his lieutenant, sat imposingly on the arm chair, legs spread open, lounging without a car in the world. One of his legs is bent near the seat, the other stretched across, foot resting on the edge of the coffee table, and arms resting comfortably on the rests, one of his hands holding a tumbler of Bourbon. His head is cocked to the side with interest.

The young sergeant nods again and slowly leans toward you. One of his hand tentatively wraps around your hip, fingers grazing the expanse of your ass in the shorts you’re wearing, while the other grabs you around the back of the neck, his lips connecting to yours.

Your warm, wet tongue swirling with his, soft breaths and gasps coming from your mouth as you let him take the lead for a moment... it’s all making his confidence grow. Sure, he’ll need guidance eventually, but for now he’s got this.

His hand slides to cup your ass, grabbing it with a greedy grasp, squeezing his fingers into the thickness, the other sinking into your hair, fingers gently clutching your scalp as they tug into the hairs.

He’s kissed plenty of people before, this isn’t new for him, and yet, it still feels completely different, in the way you’re not ‘his’ to kiss. But, somehow, that makes it all the better.

Slowly, your lips separate and you glance up at him a single look to check on his state and he nods imperceptibly, which causes your hands to slide down his chest and begin feeling him up.

His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you atop of him, hands sliding under the fabric of your top to feel up your back as your own find the hem of his t-shirt and tug it up to expose his chest.

Your fingers trace his pecs, his abs, nails softly drawing down atop him, making him shiver. He’s younger than Simon, his skin infinitely smoother, his body fat percentage definitely lower, not a trace of hair on him. It’s so different from your boyfriend… And you welcome the change.

You help him take off his t-shirt, throwing it haphazardly to the side and then lower your mouth onto his jaw, neck, shoulders, collarbones… You’ve barely started and the poor kid looks like he’s already seeing the universe and all its stars, his cock having sprung to attention so quickly that the bulge in his pants keeps rubbing against your inner thigh.

Slowly, you slip down from atop of him, your hands sliding down his body as you kneel before him on the floor, hands tracing over his thighs in the jeans he’s wearing, fingers squeezing his strong muscles through the fabric.

“You’ve never gotten a bj before, have you?” You ask him, eyebrows cocked and eyes locked onto his face. He shakes his head immediately, muttering something about ‘getting a handy’ back in secondary but that was the extent of it.

“Poor thing.” You coo at him. “Never got to feel a pretty mouth wrapped around that cock, hm?” Yo teased him playfully, watching how his eyes widened, eyebrows scrunching pitifully, as you undid his belt and tugged down his jeans.

“You’re in good hands, Garrick. She’ll take good care of you. Has a very talented throat.” Simon pipes up behind you. You don’t even have to look behind you to spot the smirk on his lips, the way the dulcet of his voice comes just short of a boast and a brag of how lucky he himself is, and how lucky Kyle is that Simon was willing to share you.

You help Kyle out of his sneakers and jeans before beginnin to palm him through the black cotton of his boxer briefs, his cock already peeking up from behind the waistband, leaking precum in anticipation. “Someone’s eager, hm? Are you excited, Kyle?” You quip to him.

“Mhm. Very. Very!” Kyle nods, his eyes glued to every single movement of yours, from the way your hands palm at his bulge, to how your fingers caress his smooth skin, to how they hook onto the waistband and roll down his underwear, peeling it off his body.

He’s big, bigger than Simon, even, though not as thick… He’s circumcised and he’s perfectly shaven. You wonder if he did that for your sake, or his own preference. There’s a thick vein running down the underside of him, one you can’t wait to feel pulse against your tongue.

Taking his cock in your hand, you stroke it slowly before allowing your tongue to run atop of it, base to tip, your tongue gently grazing the leaky tip, spreading the precum over the head before slowly parting your lips and guiding him inside.

The moan that escapes the boy in front of you makes you smirk, he twitches below you, fingers clenching on either side of his thighs, as if resisting squeezing into tight fists as you slowly allow his cock to slide deeper into your mouth. Then, you start bobbing it, up and down, cheeks hollowed out and lips grazing the warm skin leaving a mess of saliva around him.

Kyle’s quick to react this time, his hand grabbing you by your hair, legs trembling on either side of you. Your eyes shoot up to find his, only to find that his head is falling back onto the back of the couch, eyes screwed closed, mouth hanging open like he’s experiencing an out of body experience.

“He’s certainly enjoying himself, isn’t he?” Simon remarks behind you, receiving a finger signal from you, a sign of agreement, a preestablished way of communicating, since your mouth was busy. “That feel good, Kyle?”

“Y-Yeah… Yeah… I-It… God…” Kyle groans in between swallowed breaths. Poor thing, you want to coo at him, already too lost in the pleasure to even speak… Oh, how beautiful he’ll look soon, fucked out under you, drunk on your pussy…

You don’t notice Simon coming up from behind you until you feel his hand grip your head, atop of Kyle’s, calloused fingers digging into your scalp. His other hand shoots out to grab Kyle’s head from the back, pulling it forward so he’s forced to stare at you.

Then, your head is shoved forward, Kyle’s cock sliding down your throat with no warning Simon’s hand holding you in place, while Kyle’s eyes widen and an obscene moan escapes his mouth. Simon controls your head, pulling and pushing you onto Kyle’s hip. 

It’s no wonder that Kyle’s whole body starts to tremble, eyes widened and having trouble staying focused, or open, mouth left wide open as Simon makes him fuck the back of your throat, experienced eyes keeping watch of your reactions and signals and of Kyle’s…

He’s controlling the speed at which you go, how deep you take his cock down his throat, how much of a mess you make with your spit, and how long you get to breathe whenever he pulls you off before pushing you back on. A reminder. He’s always in control.

“Come down her pretty throat, go on, Garrick.” Simon demands. Kyle, poor thing, has already been holding on with teeth and nails to keep himself from climaxing too soon, wanting to prove himself as more than just inexperienced… But Simon’s order is so severe, he can’t keep it up… And he lets go, twitching in your mouth and shooting his come down your throat.

Simon lets go of you both, giving you a moment to catch your breaths, brown eyes staring at the result of what you just did, you, out of breath, a mess of drool down your chin, and eyes welled up with tears, and Kyle, out of breath, a mess of drool around the base of his cock, and eyes glazed over.

“Good job, da’lin’...” Simon tells you, pulling you up ever so slightly, kissing you sweetly, his tongue piercing flicking across your tongue, as if he’s looking for a taste of Kyle in your throat. 

After a moment, he pulls back and looks at Kyle. “Now, you’re gonna thank her for the favour she made ya, hm?” He warns. “Let’s take this to the bed. C’mon.” He demands, taking you by the hand and leading you to the bedroom, leaving Kyle to have to keep up.

Simon, unlike you, is a practical man. He doesn’t waste time. By the time Kyle has made it to the bedroom after barely 20 seconds, he’s already got you naked and splayed atop the mattress, a pillow placed under your hips.

He’s on his knees in front of you and beckons Kyle closer with two fingers, before he uses those same two fingers to rub over your folds and spread them open, revealing just how wet you’ve gotten from merely giving Kyle head. “You see that?” Simon coos at him while you stare at them both, holding yourself up on your elbows.

“Y-Yes, sir.” Kyle replies with a nod, his own hand reaching to touch you, carefully sliding between your puffy lips, gliding across easily through the slick. 

Simon grabs Kyle’s wrist and carefully guides it across to your clit, finding it with the speed of a man that’s been fucking you often since you two started dating. He knows your body, knows you better than anyone, and he’s about to show Kyle exactly how to touch you to get you to fall apart like he does…

You immediately stiffen up when you feel the pads of Kyle’s fingers against your clit, the pressure behind them coming from Simon’s hand as he rolls his fingers in light circles. It’s familiar and it immediately causes you to hum in pleasure and hiss, lying yourself back on the mattress.

“Ideally, you always keep something touch that needy little clit there.” Simon explains, more like he’s giving an anatomy lesson than having a threesome. “Be it a tongue, a finger, what have you.”

Simon’s hand then slides Kyle’s fingers away, making you whimper from the loss of contact. “Be patient, da’lin’, you’ll get more soon.” He quips. “Needy girl… Thought you were going to be all bossy with Kyle, now look at you…” He coos. 

Simon turns Kyle’s hand over and, using his own hand, parts your puffy cunny before helping Kyle push two digits into your slick warmth. Kyle’s fingers are no biggy, not thick and calloused like Simon’s, and they’re surprisingly easy to take on. You moan softly at them, before becoming just a bit more vocal when Kyle’s fingers pad over your G-spot when Simon curls them just so.

“Right there, you see that?” Simon beckons, Kyle responding with mild agreement that you don’t even register because, soon, his fingers start moving, fucking in and out you per Simon’s instruction, while your boyfriend’s tongue quickly finds your clit, the cold piercing rubbing and flicking at your most sensitive spot, causing your back to arch on the bed.

“Oh, fuck, Simon…” You whine, legs already shaking, more so per the stimulation, which causes your boyfriend to use both of his free hands to keep your knees spread open as far as he could comfortably get them, tongue still lapping up at you with purposeful strokes.

The shaggy blond hair of your boyfriend vanishes for a moment, as does the experienced tongue touching you, before it gets replaced with Kyle’s slightly messier and uncoordinated attempts, Simon observing Kyle and noting your reactions and how much weaker they are, upset at the lack of proper stimulation.

“C’mon, Garrick…” Simon croons. “Your tongue’s sharp enough to roast Johnny, but you get here and it gets shy?” He taunts, before using his hand on the back of the sergeant’s neck to guide him a bit.

“I’m trying…” Kyle remarks, his face feeling warm against your skin, showing he’s likely blushing despite his darker complexion hiding it, his fingers still moving in the way Simon taught him, his only saving grace.

“Scoot.” Simon remarks and pushes his head aside, ever so slightly, causing him to rest against your thigh. Simon’s head pushes in near Kyle’s, resting against your other thigh, and his tongue catches your clit again, though the angle at he’s at now, slightly at an angle, allows Kyle to spot the way Simon moves his tongue: soft circles, zigzagging side to side, lips also rubbing against you.

Kyle watches closely, eyes widened, pupils blown with lust at the sight of Simon’s face so close and going down on you so eagerly, his eyes glued to your face up top, as if checking every single reaction you have to your boyfriend’s mouth. And react you do. Your moans are louder, jumpy, desperate, your hands grabbing the bed covers and squeezing tight, your cunt seeking Simon’s mouth as you fuck yourself onto it.

Kyle wasn’t the type to watch porn often, having little time and little interest in it, more so because he knew it wasn’t a good habit or realistic to expect it to be realistic… But the sight of Simon’s lips sucking and rubbing into your slick like it was the most delicious meal he’s ever gotten to eat was better than any of the porn he’s actually seen.

Simon’s able to make you come undone in a matter of minutes, the whimpers and needy moans, the shallow breaths, the way your head was left spinning, lolling to the side as Simon eased you down from your peak and then dropped a chaste kiss to your thigh before standing up again. 

“You saw that?” He teases Kyle, who nods eagerly, no words coming to his lips after the display he just got. “You’ll get there eventually. With practise.” He assures him before patting him lightly on the shoulder. “Up you go.”

“How are you doing, da’lin’?” Simon asks, checking on you as you nod and show him a thumbs up, causing a chuckle to come from his chest before he takes a seat in another armchair in the corner, a spot he usually uses when having insomnia, right by the windows, to work on his laptop while you sleep near him… Except this time being used for something else.

“Go on, then, continue.” He demands as he sprawls out on the armchair, legs spread and already undoing his belt and fly, seeking relief from the tight feeling in his own jeans.

You nod eagerly and quickly shift to be sat on the bed, pulling Kyle toward you. “You still want this?” You ask him as you look him in the eyes… As if Kyle, needy the way he is now, after the sight of you coming undone on Simon’s tongue, would ever be able to answer anything other than a resounding ‘YES!’.

“Mhm… I do.” Kyle assures you with another nod… So, you kiss again, hands sliding over each other’s bodies just like they had on the couch before, exploring the free skin, allowing Kyle to grope you more easily. He seems fixated on your ass and thighs, fingers kneading the extra meat in them and holding you close.

His cock has long recovered from his first orgasm, now rubbing against your tummy as he kneels in front of you on the mattress. But not for long. Soon, you’ve laid Kyle on his back, and you’re straddling him, one leg on either side, slowly rubbing your folds over the length of his veiny cock.

“You’re gonna take ‘im for a right, da’lin’?” Simon asks, your eyes seeking him out in his armchair. The way you’re positioned, he can see all of you. Your pretty tits, the way your lips spread to rub against Kyle’s shaft, your legs parted open and knees digging into the mattress.

“Mhm…” You reply, your expression having shifted once again from the needy, submissive mess he had made of you, to a more dominant, playful one as you look down at the sergeant below you, looking up at you like he knows he’s in for a wild one.

“Go on then… But try not to break him, yeah?” Simon teases and winks at you, his hand already palming his cock through his own black boxer briefs.

“No promises…” You quip in return and wink back, before, carefully reaching a hand forward to lift Kyle’s cock from its resting spot against his hip.

Slowly, you sink yourself into it, his narrower build a lot easier to accommodate than Simon’s girth… But you soon regret how eagerly you did it, when you feel Kyle’s sheer size slip inside easily, his tip striking your cervix forcefully with that one swft motion.

“Bloody hell…” You grunt and bounce back a bit to relieve the pressure. “You’re big, aren’t you?” You tease Kyle who’s already unresponsive, poor little thing, eyes twice as wide as they had been when you gave him head, barely nodding in response.

Shifting your weight around, you plant your feet on either side of Kyle’s hip. “I’m gonna move, okay?” You warn him, setting your open palms on his thighs, behind your back, earning another nod from Kyle.

Slowly, you start to ride him, each bounce of your hips drawing the most delicious moans out of Kyle, his head lolling back over the foot of the bed, eyelids fluttering and his back arching.

“Gah- Fuck-” Kyle grunts, his breath already ragged before you’ve had time to do anything, just slowly moving, feeling his lengthy size rub against your walls as you force him to bottom out every time.

Kyle’s voice gets higher, whinier, his forehead dribbling with sweat with each thrust you force his cock to deliver into your slick cunny. “Feels… so… sososo so good…” He whimpers, his tone almost pathetic.

“Yeah… does it feel good?” You croon at him, a mischievous smirk on your lips, his cock drawing soft moans off your mouth as well.

“Yeah… yeah… yeah…” Kyle nods needily, his breath staggered and swallowing excess saliva.

“Yeah? Was it all you were expecting, pretty boy?” You tease him some more, earning another handful of needy ‘Yeah’s, his mind too overwhelmed with pleasure to consider saying anything else. “You don’t want me to go faster then, do you?”

“No… no… faster…” He replies, his head shooting forward, clearly eager to experience what ‘faster’ would feel like.

“Oh? Then you were lying? It doesn’t feel good, you need it faster?” You croon at him as if he was behaving like a brat and not like the good boy he really was.

“No… nO… it’s- it’s-!” Kyle tries to reply, desperate to clear the misunderstanding. Not that you give him time for it, as you speed up the speed of your bouncing, taking him in harder with each strike of your hips coming down onto his.

“GOD- YES!” Kyle shouts, eyes shot open and back curling upward, his head snapping forward to look at you and watch the way your pussy swallows every inch of his veiny cock, before letting out a huff and falling back on the bed again, desperate for more.

His hands grab onto your thighs and hips, fingers digging in hard, as you ride him, sweat beginning to slide down your forehead, down your cheeks and neck. Your eyes flitter over to Simon in the corner.

The smug fucker is watching everything with a nasty little half-grin on his lips, brown eyes darkened with lust as he watches you play with Kyle, making him squirm and whimper below you.

“Play with your clit for me, da’lin’.” His voice rings out amidst the frequent and whiney moans coming from Kyle. One of your hands slips away from Kyle’s thigh behind you, finding your clit and rubbing it slowly as you keep bouncing atop of Kyle, hips stuttering lightly as the pleasure becomes more intense.

“That’s it…” Simon says with a chuckle from his armchair, fisting his cock leisurely, as if the sight in front of him wasn’t worth any more from him. “How’s his cock feel, da’lin’?” Your boyfriend asks you.

He’s playing with your head, much like you’re playing with Kyle’s… making you go back and forth between a submissive and dominant mind frame, deriving pleasure from the mind games he’s forcing you to take on.

“It’s big…” You whimper in reply. “So big…” You murmur, your eyes soft and needy as you look at your boyfriend, watching the wicked look in his face..

“Don’t look at me, look at him…” Simon tells you. “Fuck ‘im right, he deserves it.” Simon adds. “Poor lad, been so long without experiencing a pussy…” He teases. “ow’s it feel, Garrick?” He turns his attention, and yours, to the sergeant below you.

Kyle nods pathetically. “Y-Yeah… It’s- Ah-” He whimpers, eyes glazed over with pleasure, too far gone in it, too overwhelmed with the feeling of a warm, wet pussy sheathing his virgin cock.

He’s too fucked out to think… And you’re bound to join him soon enough, with the way he looks below you, your fingers playing with your clit, and his cock swiftly hitting a spot inside you that no man’s ever reached before…

Your hips stutter atop of Kyle’s, your legs straining and tired, sore from the rhythm and position. You shift positions, leaning forward, hands coming to rest on his hard pecs, your head hanging atop of Kyle’s, facing him better.

You grind back and forth, trying to regain strength to continue, feeling Kyle’s tip rubbing deep inside of you, so deep and hard… You can’t help but whine.

“She’s getting tired, Kyle. Go on, it’s your turn.” Your boyfriend quips, his voice dripping with power and command over the two of you.

Kyle didn’t need to be told twice, his arms wrapped around your lower back and he bucked up like a bull, tossing you both aside, the bed creaking with the movement. Whatever insecurity he had is gone.

He pushes your thighs apart with his hip and starts pistoning into you with barely any regard for rhythm or how deep he’s going, his face buried into your neck as he plows into you, grunting and whining like an animal in rut. Not that you mind.

You’re used to Simon (and sometimes a few other mutual ‘friends’ of yours), men who are experienced, who know what to do, how to do it, who aren’t sloppy or erratic, who’s hips don’t jerk with each plunge into your warm cunny… It’s completely different with a bloke like Kyle. Inexperienced, green, but eager and desperate and…

You’re moaning loud and often, nails clawing at his smooth scarless back, eyes rolling as each snap of his hips claps against you like a whip, his cock burying into you to the hilt and back out before plunging back in.

Once more, Simon’s quick to come to your side, quick to crouch by the side of the bed, eyes admiring the way you both act and move, to keep a keen eye on your reactions and his, ready to pull him off you like a mutt that’ll hurt his mate if the owner doesn’t make him dismount…

But he doesn’t intervene. Not when you’re moaning like a whore, with Kyle sweating and grunting atop you, his eyes screwed shut and looking like he’ll lose every and any ounce of restraint he has in the next 3 seconds, somehow pulling the will to go on from sheer fucking air.

“You gonna flood ‘er little cunt with your come, aren’t you, Kyle?” Simon coos as he rests his forearms on the mattress, a perch to watch better.

“Y-Yeah! Yeah!” Kyle replies with an eager nod, eyes opening for a moment to look at Simon who’s so close to him.

“Yeah? Are you?” Simon continues egging him on. “You gonna fill my girl with your load?” He adds, his voice dropping to a more authoritative tone.

“Y-YEAH!” Kyle raises his voice, a bit more determined, but still deep in his natural state… obedient, ready to die for his superior, for his lieutenant.

“Go on, then,” Simon demands. “I wanna see. I wanna see you fill ‘er up.” He adds. “Tell ‘er you’re gonna do it.”

Kyle’s head turns a bit to look at you, his warm brown eyes blown wide with lust and desperation, his skin slick with sweat, his plump lips parted to let in desperate gulps of air.

“‘m gonna…” Kyle grunts as he shifts his weight lightly, his nose leaning against yours. “Gonna put my come so… deep inside you…” He warns you.

The look in his eyes, the desperation in his tone, the warning tone of his that does not at all fit his personality… Somehow it all comes together to rip the filthiest orgasm out of you, your head rolling back, eyes squeezing shut and a loud whine slipping from your parted lips as you squeeze and contract around Kyle’s cock.

Kyle can’t last not even a second longer the moment you start to come around him. His eyes fall shut, his back arches and he digs his fingers into the bed, toes curling and legs shaking as he fucks his come inside of you, drool slipping down his parted mouth.

“Good job.” Simon’s voice remarks next to you, satisfied and almost… proud, while you’re both too lost in the high of pleasure to even recognize his existence in the room or that you’re… alive, really.

#ikea writes 💚 #asks #cod smut #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #kyle gaz garrick x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley has piercings change my mind #reqs #gazghost #ghostgaz #ghaz #cod fanfic #simon ghost riley smut #kyle gaz garrick smut #gaz smut #ghost smut

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

STYLE

synopsis: sim jaeyun is your style, your type of guy. mainly the reason why despite the complicated relationship with him, you seem to always find it hard to make him leave and finding yourself with the same ending.

pairings: jake sim x reader

word count: 9k.

warnings: a pinch of angst, suggestive (a little). jake being clingy and touchy. hint of cheating. grammatical errors. let me know if i missed some.

fic moodboard › here

note: i'm actually surprised that this fic is not as long as i expected it to be, but anyway i had fun writing it so i hope you enjoy reading. style is one of my favorite queen taylor's songs so i really did think alot about the plot for this and of course the jake sim fits it so well. i love him so much. please re-blog and send me asks. i would really appreciate your kind feedbacks. thank you and ily. stay safe.

“Lee Y/n made it to headlines after the announcement of her partaking in this new big series coming up this fall. She will be the main female lead for this upcoming drama and people are on fire. They are so happy about the casting and couldn’t wait for it to be aired. Wah,” your friend exclaimed with exaggerated look on her face while she reads an article through her phone.

Shaking your head lightly with a grin on your face, you gently moving your wine glass you are holding. The sweet aroma of the liqour made it into your nose causing for you to feel more relaxed. It was addictive and somehow nostalgic.

“You really did it this comeback.” she couldn’t hide the excitement through her voice as she giggles and continued scrolling on her phone.

“Well, my management did a great job on choosing this project.” the humble comment made her scoffed before playfully throwing chips at your direction.

“Oh come on Ms. Humble of Korea, give yourself more credits.” she jokes and smiled widely at you.

“You know you deserve this, right?” her tone this time is softer, letting you know how sincere she is. You can’t help but to return her wholesome gaze as you went close to her for a hug.

These months have been rough for you and only few people in your life knows about it. Your bestfriend, (name), are one of these people. You admit that this project is the biggest one so far that you’ll be working on. It makes you nervous and worry of how it will turn out, but excitement tops all of it. All in all, you’re just happy to be back on track. Glad to finally be back on doing what you love to do.

Being out from the big screen for months was no joke. A lot of questions are formed and articles starts to appear out of nowhere. Vogue speculations and rumors media creats aboutyou to gain attention was horrendous. That’s one of the things you hate in the field you are in. You love your work, there’s no doubt with that. It’s just it drains your energy most of the time. Having your movements being watched by a lot of people all the time sucks big time. Surely, showbiz isn’t for the weak.

“Oh, great.” you snaps out of your trance when your friend spoke again. She looks a little annoyed while still on her phone. Seems like she’s looking at something that caught her attention.

“Look who’s back in the country.” she flips her phone to face you and your eyes squints a bit because of the brightness. Once adjusted, your eyes focused on the article flashing through her screen. Big bold letters caught your attention right away.

‘ENHYPEN back in the country after a successful world tour. The group said to be having rest after a very successful world tour and then prepare for their next come back. Read more...’ it read. You gulped and felt your heart race after reading it. The picture attached bellow the heading was the latest picture of the said group departing an airport from america.

Your eyes locked on the guy with a black mullet hair. His slightly tanner skin makes him extra noticeable when he stood beside one of his fair skinned members. Flashes of cameras reflects through his big doe eyes that makes him look so innocent. Contrary to this was his sinful looking plump lips that lies beneath his pointy nose. Jake Sim, sure is breathtaking.

Its been months ever since the last time you’ve seen him and now that he’s back in the country, it makes you feel a lot of things. Things that only him can execute.

You are snapped out from your thoughts when your friend pulled the phone away, instant regret glints her face. Her eyes are squinting at you, staring as if she just caught you doing a heinous crime. Feeling flushed from being too affected by the article and your friend entirely knowing what’s going on inside your head, you glanced away before clearing your throat.

“Seriously, get over him.” she sighs sounding a little frustrated.

Well, can you blame her? She just knew how things between you and Jake are very intricate. The two of you announced a public break up months ago. The fans, although felt sad about it, didn’t really got too affected by it because that isn’t the first time it happened.

You’re known as one of the rising young actress in your generation. Because of your undeniably talent with acting and your beauty, people sure loves seeing you on screens.

On the other hand, Jake Sim. Oh how to properly start on describing him... It feels easy and difficult at the same time. Easy, because you knew him very well and difficult because you might blabber things unconsciously due to overwhelming emotions.

Jake Sim’s name is very loud on the industry of music. Their group, Enhypen, is making big all over the whole world right now. And you think that they do deserve the fame and all since they are indeed talented.

If he’s amazing on camera, Jake is just dreamy behind them.

He is definitely your ideal type. Tall, handsome, smart, can sing and dance, good physique, have a very sexy accent, soft spoken, loves animals specially dogs, family oriented, financially stable and a complete gentlemen. What more can you ask, right? He’s definitely the one for you. He’s 100%, no doubt, your style.

“Its easier said than done.” your eyes dropped on your glass of wine and slowly, you took a sip.

Awkward silence follows after and your friend could not help but feel slightly bad for bringing up Jake. Her hand moves even before her brain could stop her when she showed you that article. Maybe she just got used to showing everything that has got something to do with the said idol.

To describe your relationship with Jake won’t be easy. Yes, you may agree that the two of have feelings for each other. People always says you two are soulmates, puzzle pieces that completes the whole picture and a very cute couple. You can’t deny that being with him brings tremendous joy within you and that you are happy together, but you couldn’t find the right answer as to why you two always fall apart.

When your gaze drifts towards her, she opens her mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a faint ‘ding’ sound from your phone. A text message from someone just saved you two from an awkward silence. Brows furrowed out of confusion, you pulled out your phone to see who texted you.

And your heart almost drops and palms instantly sweats at the sight of a contact name you haven't seen for a while. After clearing your throat that felt extra dry despite having sips of wine, you sets your glass over the center table to prevent any possible accident.

Jake Sim: Hey.

One word text message was enough to shake your whole system up. To think that he have this much effect on you kind of pisses you off. This isn’t how it suppose to be. His name shouldn’t bother you this way and he should’ve been blocked by now.

You draws in a sigh, trying to calm youself down. A glance over your friend gave you an assurance that she’s now busy with her phone again. You utter your silent prayers that she didn’t saw your reaction just now. She would’ve known what its all about right away.

You: ?

You are biting your nails consciously while (im)patiently waiting for him to text back. It didn’t took him long and you felt a bit dizzy just by thinking he’s waiting for your reply too. Its making your heart beat crazily fast.

Jake: Where are you?

Throat feeling dry once again, you gulped and licked your lips because they felt a little dry as well. As to why is still a question for you.

You: Why?

After the message was sent, the small ‘read’ word plastered below it. Right away, he was typing his reply. He seems eager. To think that it was you he was longing for you is making you tremble in excitement. Even no matter how hard you deny you missed him, you knew deep down that you are feeling incomplete without Jake Sim.

You are missing him too much and having him texting you right now has dug that feeling you've buried the moment you stopped seeing each other.

Jake: I’m at your apartment’s parking lot.

That was it. All it took for you to go stumbling your way to prepare youself was his last text message. Thankfully, you didn’t trip while hurrying over your bedroom to fetch some jacket. Walking pass by your big full length mirror, you went back to check if you look decent enough to make Jake Sim crazy.

You’re currently wearing your usual sexy silk night dress. This is how you dress to sleep or whenever you stay in your apartment so there’s no issue showing like this to Jake Sim. The amount of times he had seen you in these type of clothes was uncountable.

You have to use a jacket to cover up since you have to go use the elevator. Even if this building is usually occupied by celebrities, you don’t want to give a bad impression of dressing scandalously in a cold night.

Your friend who you left at the living room is now crossing her arms at you, head tilted over to the side waiting for the right timing to question your sudden odd behavior.

A bright smile is what you flashed to her, trying so hard to hide the fact that you are feeling so nervous to how you will tell her without gaining any suspicion.

“Are you going to be fine here? I’ll just go out to go b-buy something.” and you top it with yet another sweet smile. This type of acts should be easy for you. You’re an actress for Godsake, but maybe she just knew you so well that’s why it clearly didn’t work.

She rolled her eyes before starting gathering her stuff. “Where is he?” she asks casually while trying to put some of her belongings inside her bag.

A pout made it to your lips and guilt came rushing through you. She scoffs and crossed her arm once again after hanging the strap on one of her shoulders.

“Make sure no paparazzi will see the two of you. The project just got released and he just got back to the country. Please don’t make it to the headlines tomorrow.” she strictly reminds you.

It made a smile spread across your face before nodding continuously.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be very careful.”

She rolled her eyes again and draws a strained sigh. She just couldn’t understand why you two kept on doing these things.

After she saw you panicking after receiving a message, she already knew who it was. It almost like a routine already that her mind instantly gave her a hint on who you’re going to meet. Honestly, she doesn’t want to let you go. She wanted to ask you to make him leave or stood him up like how you suppose to do, but she knew it will just make you two sneak up even more.

You two are so crazy for one another that’s why its still a mystery for her why you kept on breaking up. If you both can’t live without one another, why not just be mature enough to deal with your issues? She just couldn’t understand.

With a hood pulled up to the head and a mask covering half of your face, both of you steps inside the elevator. It was silent, but not totally awkward. Once you arrived at the underground parking lot, her car can be seen right away so you two walked over there first.

She glanced at you, still trying to keep the strict face on. It kind of wants to make you laugh, but you tried not to.

“Don’t stay up too late since you have a photoshoot tomorrow.” she reminded you like a parent trying to remind her daughter she have school the next day.

You smiled and did a playful salute, “Aye aye captain!”

She scoffs and gave you a quick hug before letting you off. A small wave is what you gave her before walking towards the corner of the parking lot. You're pretty sure if Jake's really here, he's parked at his usual spot. Its ideal to meet up there since its at the far corner and only a few people walks around it.

His familiar car was parked like you expected it to be. Due to the heavy tinted windows, its a bit hard to tell whether he's inside the vehicle or not. Thankfully, your confusion was soon answered when his headlights opened and the engine roars.

To avoid getting too much attention, Jake always comes here to pick you up with no headlights. But the moment you arrive, he will open it so if ever someone follows you to take pictures they will have a hard time capturing a good one.

“Hey,” you greeted the moment you got inside his car and the lock clicked soon right after.

Your heart thumped crazily as you met eyes with Jaeyun. His fluffy hair a bit disheveled only made him more attractive. His smile looked so sweet yet teasing. You have no idea how he does that, but he sure knows how to drive you even more crazy.

“Hi gorgeous.” his sudden compliment made your cheeks flushed.

“What are you doing here, Sim Jaeyun?” he chuckled lightly at the sound of his government name falling from your lips. Your sweet lips. God, how much he missed kissing them.

He got easily distracted as his eyes settled over your lips that you quickly catch on. After a sigh, your eyes racked down from his handsome face to the clothes he was wearing causing for a crease to appear over your forehead.

“Wait, did you went here straight from the airport?”

You noticed that he was wearing the same clothes he have at the article your friend showed you. It was when they departed from the airport. The shirt he's wearing inside is the same one from the picture and the coat he used to cover it, abandoned at the backseat of his car.

Jake smiles and the way his eyes batted slowly confirmed it. Now you realized how he looked so tired, the circles below his eyes are visible.

“Yes. I've missed you so I figured I go straight here.”

“Are you crazy?”

He chuckles, enjoying the way you sounded so worried. “I might really go crazy if I didn’t came here to see you.” his tone so serious, eyes still fixed at you.

His words and the way his stares lingers made you blush so hard. Still trying to conceal it with keeping a straight face, you cleared your throat and glanced away from him. That's when you finally take a proper breath. You didn't even realized you've been holding your breath since you entered his car.

“Come on, baby.” the familiar pet name awoke something inside your chest, an emotion.

Your eyes trailed from outside his car towards back him. His eyes looked hooded as he gently reached over you, the warmth of his hands over your skin felt amazing.

“Can I at least have a hug? Didn't you miss me?” his lips pouts and its a sinful scene for you. Jake knew how much you love his lips and he's doing this on purpose.

After letting out a sigh, you slowly leaned your body near him so you can give the hug he was asking for, only to be surprised when his arm slid over your waist smoothly carrying you to make you sit on his lap. A yelp escapes your mouth at what suddenly happened. You are taken off guatd and he's enjoying every bits of it.

Your eyes squints and you glared at him, you rest both of your hand over his upper chest to support your weight as you try to get off him.

“Nah, you're not going anywhere.” he mumbles. The grin on his face grew as he held your hips firmly, refraining you from moving again.

“Jake!” you screamed and felt your whole face burning when he buried his face over your neck, nuzzling and inhaling your scent.

The feeling of his lips in contact of your bare skin is making you dizzy. Jake's eyes looks up while he place feathery kisses at your neck. Seeing you trying to conceal the pleasure you feel from what he's doing is making him smirk.

Slowly, you stopped resisting and just let him have his way over you. As usual.

With eyes shut tight, you let out a strained sigh. “I m-missed you.” you admits.

The grin on Jake's face widen, “I know, sweetheart.” he confidently stated.

Now that’s him. Jake Sim is very confident. He knew where he stands in your life and took grounds over it. He knows how to play his cards in the game he already mastered. Like a predator that have his prey captured and just waiting for the right time to take them in.

You bit your lip, trapping it between your teeth then pulled away slightly to see his face. He leans back, eyes settling on yours, looking sleepy and tired. He smirked and both of his hands moves up to hold your waist, thumb softly caressing it distracting you gradually.

You raised your hand to brush his hair making him close his eyes, feeling so good from your touch.

“It's been a while since I have even heard from you.” you mumble, a hint of distress exists on your tone.

“The tour kept me busy, baby.” he reasoned.

“Busy enough to even contact me once?”

He opened his eyes, half-lidded and a big smirk present on his handsome face. He looked dangerously sexy in front of you and you just couldn’t explain why its making your knees weak.

“You broke up with me, why would I bother reaching out?” his tone taunting you. He was being sarcastic and you know it very well.

Jake knew. He knew so well that the main reason why he didn’t try to reach out is because he might miss you too much. It won’t be too good for the tour if he’ll be distracted. Afterall, you are the only person that can drive him full on crazy mode.

A pout made it to your lips, “I,” your words halt, unable to defend yourself from his blow. It was true and there’s nothing you can say to back up your statement.

Jake took notice of your silence so he lets out a sigh, trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere that caging both of you.

“Can we go up to your unit? I want to spend the night with you.” he touched your chin slightly and you are left with no choice, but to nod your head.

You two walks inside the building and wait patiently in front of the lift. Jake stood too closely behind you, a hand inside his pocket while the other one rests over your waist. He's wearing his hoodie and a cap, face covered with a mask.

Whenever you two splits up, its usually you who calls it off. Days or a week will pass and you two will slowly find yourself meeting each other again then get back together like nothing happened. In between those, Jake's name will be linked with women from the industry, but his company was always quick to deny it. Then you two will enjoy your time together, fight again, then you'll break it off. The same cycle repeating continuously like a routine.

Maybe you two are still immature? You have no idea. But one thing's for sure, no matter how complicated things between Jake and you got, you always find your way back to each other.

Jake's eyes follows you silently, waiting patiently while you go and close the light of the room. He's already on your bed, changed into his clothes he left in your apartment months ago and already prepared to get that good sleep he's been deprived of.

“What?” you asked him as you take off the jacket you're wearing. You noticed how he just laid there and watch your every move.

His eyes moved from your face down to what you are wearing. Jake gulped and felt like sleep is slowly trying to leave his system, another feeling getting awoken by how beautiful you look. The little light emitting from the lamp beside your bed was enough to give him this glorious vision of you.

“You look so damn gorgeous.” his accent popped the moment he gave that compliment.

Your cheeks blushed right away, “No, you will sleep tonight.” your firm words almost made the man on your bed groan out of frustration.

“Come on, baby.”

You shake your head ‘no’. “Jake, you looked so tired. Sleep.”

“One round?” he asked giving you his puppy eyes, pretty lips turns into a pout.

“Jake,”

He chukles and opens the blanket for you, “Fine, come here then.”

You didn't move and kept your eyes at him, a little suspicious if he's not trying to trick you or anything. He giggled sexily, making you almost lose your mind.

‘Oh Jake Sim.’

“I promise not to do anything funny. I just really want to cuddle and feel your warmth.”

You let out a sigh and decided to climb up on your bed joining him. He pulls your body closer to his not leaving any space in between. He lets your head rest on his chest and place a kiss on your temple.

His familiar warmth you longed for felt heaven and you knew right away that you will have a very good sleep. You started wondering if this means you two are back together. Even if you're bothered about it, you refrained from asking him so you wouldn't ruin the mood.

“Good night, Jake.” you said instead.

“Good night, beautiful. See you in my dreams.” and he tightens his hug on your body that fits perfectly to his hold.

You shut your eyes, inhaling his scent that sends comfort to you. Jake's breathing became more stable, light snores can be heard from him making your smile grow bigger. He moves a bit and pulled you even closer, nuzzling over you. You two were so close you can basically hear his heartbeat synchronizing with yours.

“This series will be a huge deal for your career, y/n.” the bright look on your manager’s face says a lot. She was obviously excited about it.

You are too. Only, you’re a little distracted.

“Do you think Jake’s dating that girl?” you blurted out of the blue.

It’s been two weeks ever since he spent the night to your unit. As expected, you got too busy with your schedules while he’s trying to make the best out of his resting period.

And looks like he’s enjoying it very much, specially after he’s said to be seen around with his 'new' girl. A lot of articles spreads around the internet on how the idol seems to finally move on from you.

This isn’t the first time his name got involved with someone else or the first time people suspects him of dating someone else after calling it off with you. But this is the first time his company is not denying any of it.

It’s already been a day after the news broke out and normally, his company should’ve released a statement saying that it was just rumors and that is not true. But, none. Their side is silent and its bothering you big time.

In a speed of light, your manager's face turn into a frown. The hand holding your contact rested lazily beside her. The excitement over her system slowly draining out of her.

“Why are you thinking about him? He should be the least of your concern right now! You’ve been casted as the main lead of this new hot kdrama and today will be the official release of the trailer you two worked on a week ago.”

Your lips turned into a pout and eyes trailed off from her, guilt filled you because despite of hearing her points you couldn’t stop thinking about Jake.

You know how bad your agency worked hard to get you this spot. Of course you take part on doing it since you did the audtion, but you just can’t disregard the effort and time they put into this project.

She sighed, “You need to get yourself busy to take him off from your mind.” she states.

“You have a photoshoot today with your male lead. Focus on how you two will show chemistry later.”

“Ugh.” you groaned.

“You should focus on your leading man! He’s very popular these days and he’s smoking hot.” you almost laugh when you saw how her eyes almost formed hearts.

“He’s years older than me.”

“So? Don’t you think its good since he have more experiences in life and more mature? You can use some maturity in your life, you know?” her words seems very meaningful, like hinting something vougly.

“Do you have a crush on him?” you ask her with a teasing smile now.

She smirks, “Well, who doesn’t? He's tall and handsome. Very well mannered and good at his job too.”

You scoffed and played with the throw pillow beside you, “Jake’s all that too.” you mumbled that didn’t slip from your manager’s ears.

“Move your ass and get in the van now.” she said strictly making you pout even more.

In the end, you had no choice but to get up from the sofa then head outside your company building to go on with your day.

The ride to the set of your photoshoot was short and you arrived in no time. People around looked very busy as they try to make the set look perfect. You roam your eyes in awe, thinking how talented they are for making it so perfectly.

“Hi,” your head snaps to the side and eyes grew a bit big at the sight of your male lead.

He smiles, eyes almost turning into a one line, dimples showing at side of his cheeks. You got a little surprised how his face looked so different whenever he have a straight face compared when he's smiling. Your manager is right. He sure is very handsome.

You gave him a bow and greets him. His eyes stares while he keep his friendly smile. The aura between you two aren’t really awkward. Even when you first met last last week to shoot the trailer, it was easy to get along with him. You don’t know if he’s just really friendly, but he’s so easy to talk to and get along to.

The takes for that trailer was not so bad as well. The directors kept on complimenting the two of you for doing such a great job. The chemistry on screen was no joke, the look on the staffs around was enough to say that the series will surely do good.

“Have you watched the trailer yet?” he asks.

You shake your head 'no'. “I don’t usually watch myself acting because I think its cringey.”

He chuckles and you can’t help but to notice how good he looks whenever he does that.

“I totally relate. I haven’t seen it too.”

You kept your stares at him like as if you don’t believe him. He sighs and smirks, “Fine, I did. But only because my Mom forced me to watch it with her.”

You chuckled after he confessed.

“That’s cute.”

“Me?” the grin over his face made you roll your eyes, pursing your lips to prevent a smile to make its way to your face.

“I meant your Mom.”

“Well they do say I took after my Mom, so basically you are calling me cute too.”

You snorted playfully, “You’re unbelievable.” and you cannot contain the small chuckles anymore.

He smiles even bigger. “I’m telling the truth.”

You nodded your head, “Yeah, okay.”

Eventually, you both are called to your respective dressing rooms to prepare for the shoot. A big smirk plays through your manager’s face when you entered the room. You furrowed your brows, confused.

“What?” one of your make up artists makes you sit down in front of the big mirrors so they can start doing your make-up.

“So,” she starts. “I saw you two talking. You have a crush on him now?”

You rolled your eyes, “We were just making a conversation.”

She nods her head, but it doesn’t look like she’s believing any of your words. “That’s good. That is really good with building your bond and get closer to each other.”

You stayed silent and just let your make up artist do her job. She was called outside by the photographer and you thank God for that because you finally have the peace you’ve planned to have before setting your mind for the shoot.

Unpredicted at all, Jake Sim made his way inside your mind and the recent articles you just read about him. It suddenly starts to make you feel bad, but your manager did oriented you on how you should focus on yourself.

“y/n, try putting your hand on (actor name).” you snapped back to reality and realized that you are in the middle of shoot already.

After your make up, you were called to start the photoshoot and since then you are spacing out. You gulped, feeling embarrased that you actually not focused so you quickly pull yourself together.

Your eyes trailed over to (actor name) and he’s looking at you. “It’s fine, don’t be shy.” he mumbles with a small teasing smile.

With a blushing cheeks, you rolled and rests your hand over his upper chest. While still looking straight to his eyes, you try to keep a pierce look on your eyes making the smile on his face falter a bit.

“That's it! Keep that tension.” you heard the photographer directs, but you are too focused on admiring the man in front of you.

He soon pull himself and felt his hand rests over your waist pulling you even closer to him. The feeling was odd for you. Maybe because this is the first time a different male other than Jake came this close to you.

“I love it! Keep it up!” the voice was so muffled because you are too busy looking at his eyes. You are too drawn by the looks he was giving you. He looked so good with the way his eyes stares and a small smirk playing over his lips.

“You are so beautiful, y/n. Have I ever told you that?” he whispered as he leaned closer making your forehead and nose touch, his breath fanning you.

Your heart thumped harder and could feel your lips shaking a little. For a moment there, you forgot the issue involving Jake and that girl.

The schedule wrapped up nicely. The staffs and directors complimenting you nonstop that sends relief to you. Its good that in spite of being distracted, you still managed to do well.

“You did great today, y/n.” (actor name) came to say goodbye and you just nods your head at him.

He smirks, “You too.” and you gave a small bow.

A scoff escapes his lips. “Come on, no need to be so formal. We’ll be seeing each other more often so let's be friends okay?” and he even messed your hair playfully.

You frowned, “Okay, but first don't do that again.”

He chuckles, clearly delighted seeing a different emotion from you. “Nah, I’ll keep doing it.” he puts his hand inside his pocket as you shoot him glares.

“Bye, see you on monday.” and sends you a small wave as he walks away.

You are still slightly pissed of what he did when you entered your service. Your manager was too happy to your performance that she just continued going on and on about how much you and (actor name) looked good together. Feeling a little tired because of the shoot and her continuous ranting, you tried to shut your eyes.

You got awoken by gentle taps over your arm. Maybe you are really tired because you fell asleep without even realizing it and now you just arrived at your apartment.

“You did well today.” she says and even asked if she should walk you to your floor, which you declined right away.

“Go home and rest, Manager. I’m sure you are as tired as me.” and you gave her an assuring smile. She smiled back and didn’t even manage to stop the yawn from emitting from her lips.

“Alright, sleep well.” and then off she goes.

You took a long bath to refresh yourself and try to prepare for bed. Its odd because even having a very long day, you don't seem sleepy.

While staring blankly outside your apartment window, you heard your phone ringing nonstop. A strained sigh escapes your mouth before strutting closer to where you put your phone.

Your breath hitched at the sight of Jake's caller id. Heart thumping loudly inside your chest, your mind went blank once again. You thought it was your manager. This isn't the call you've expected to receive.

“Hello?” you licked your lips while fidgeting over your fingers.

“I'm here.” you heard his raspy voice from the other line as you walk back to the window to look over the view outside to somehow relax your mind.

With jacket wrapped tightly around your body, you roamed your eyes around the quiet parking lot. It was late already so like expected, nobody else is here.

Your light steps doesn't even make a single sound and you can almost hear your beating heart. By the left corner, you saw Jake's car at its usual spot.

He is really here. No headlights and waiting for you.

Hesitation occurs your mind, trying to rethink if what you're doing is a good idea. Countless times you've told yourself you'll tell Jake off and yet here you are again. Sneaking just to steal moments with him. It felt illegal that your heart is hammering so hard over your chest, but it felt good at some ways you cannot explain.

When you are only steps away from him, he opens his headlights like always and waits patiently inside.

“Hey.” he greeted the moment you make it inside his car. His eyes were hooded and obviously tired, but that didn't even lessen his godly visual. For you, Jake Sim always looks ethereal.

You smiled, blushing. “Hi.” you shortly replied.

His eyes racked from your face down to your body. “You dressed for me and damn, red lips? You sure know how to drive me crazy.” he commented after seeing the dress and red lips you decided to put on after his call. His hand reaches out to pull you closer.

You hitch your breath because of the sudden contact from his warm hands.

“W-What are you doing here?” the tone you used felt a little off for Jake. Even if you seem worried, nervous or anxious whenever meeting him here, he can always hears a hint of excitement from you. But today, there's something off.

“Aren't you happy to see me?” he pursed his pretty lips into a pout and shoot you with his innocent look on his eyes.

The wall you tried to barricade yourself with came crumbling right away. Jake and his ways of getting you are seriously a big problem.

“I a-am.” and your hand rests on top of his hand that is now on your bare thighs.

Jake smiles at the sight of your eyes softening for him.

'There it is.' he quietly mumbles inside his mind. 'There's my girl.' he added. The amount of relief that flows through him was just enough for him to flash you his pretty wide smile.

“Oh, I'm very glad to see you too.” he pulls you closer, leaning too close enough for your noses to rub against each other. It sends shivers to your spine and butterflies to your stomach.

His eyes hooded as he stares dangerously at your lips then back to your eyes, like a predator so hungry for his prey standing right in front of him.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” he uttered under his breath that made you smile with a flushed cheeks.

Your hands moves on their own as they snaked over his nape to pull him even closer, making your lips almost touching. It was tempting to just make it touch, but for Jake this is what he enjoys. The thrill and heart-thumping moments he gets from being with you. He loves and enjoys the way you can excite and make him want more. He just couldn't get enough of you.

“Kiss me.” you whispered like a wish.

Jake chuckles sexily, his hand slowly caress your thighs that adds so much tension between you two.

“You don't even have to ask twice.” and so he crashes his lips to yours causing an outburst of feelings that filled your heart.

After the heated make out session, your night didn’t end to right away. He asks you using his soft tone to put your seatbelt on, even placing yet another hot kiss on your lips before he started putting his seatbelts on too. His car then drove out from your building's underground parking lot.

“Where are we going?” you ask giving him a short glance.

He smiles and rests one of his hand on your thighs, “Check the backseat, baby.”

You blushed because of the petname he used, but you obliged and brows furrowed at the sight of a picnic basket. A mat lies beside it.

“We’ll go to our usual spot?” you couldn’t hide the excitement over your eyes when you ask him that.

His smile grew wider, “Yeah. We haven't been there for a while.”

A pout made its way to your lips. “Yes. We’re too busy.”

The two of you arrived at the top of the hill where you can see the pretty city lights from afar. It was honestly breathtaking and the first time you've seen this view, you fell in love. This is a space that is memorable and special for both you and Jake.

“Have a sit now, princess.” Jake snapped you out from your trance.

When you glanced at him, he have this big proud smile as he presents you the now laid down flatly mat that he prepared. You chuckled and thanked him before settling down. He opened the basket and your eyes soften seeing the familiar food that you enjoyed eating together.

“Aw, you didn't have to prepare this much.”

He smirks, “Anything for you.” and lightly pinches your cheeks before setting down a sandwich he made.

The night went on with just the two of you enjoying each other's company. It doesn't bother you that it was already late at night or if its getting really chilly.

Fade in the view, you stared at the daydream looks on Jake's eyes. With that long hair, slicked back and just a plain white shirt. He sure makes you ecstatic.

He leans closer making you hitch your breath. You let him take over, finally giving in to his soft kisses. Your heart almost burst outside of your chest due to the million emotions only him can make you feel.

“I missed you so much.” he confessed so low like it was something illegal.

Your eyes shut as his forehead rests at yours. The feeling of your heart beating insync together was your solace.

“I missed you too.”

After spending some more time under the bright moon and comforting silence between you, he finally decided to call it a night. You wanted to protest and ask if you two can stay for a little bit more, but refrain yourself from doing so. He helped you get up with a smile and he puts back the things to his car while you admire him silently.

So it goes. The drive on your way back to your apartment, he couldn't even keep his wild eyes on the road. Stealing glance at your side from time to time, like as if checking if you're really there with him.

At the arrival in your place, the lights were off and as he takes off his coat you felt your heart thumped out of excitement that he's here to stay for the night.

“Cuddle me?” it came out more of a request rather than as a suggestion.

You nod, agreeing. Jake went to his usual side of the bed and opens the blanket for you. After making yourself comfortable, head resting over his chest while he draws lazy circles at the small of your back, you speak out your thoughts.

“I've heard that you've been going out with another girl.” you starts and you know he heard you because his fingers stalled for a while.

“What you heard is true,” he starts and he draws in a strained sigh. “But I can't stop thinking about you and I.” he added and felt him pulling you closer.

You let out a sigh, nuzzling closer.

“I've been there too a few times.” and you two fell into silence with a mutual understanding that despite the situation you both get tangled with, its with one another where you find the most comfort.

You know you should tell him to leave cause you know exactly where it leads, but for some reasons you always ends up watching the two of you go round and round each time.

It's not right anymore. The two of you had been here before, but you always find yourself with the same ending. You just don’t understand why in spite of being aware of it, you always find yourself running your way back over to his arms.

‘Jake Sim of Enhypen seen out with (girl name) again. The two were seen being intimate with each other... Read more.’

Your mind went blank at the sight of the article that has been trending since last night. Mixed of emotions occured you. The sense of betrayal, confusion and emptiness drawns unto you all at once. It was a heavy emotion.

“Hm, ex boyfriend?” you jolted and snapped back to reality when someone talked beside you.

It was (actor name) and he's curious eyes darts straight at the phone screen. Feeling slightly embarrassed, you glared at him before clicking your phone off.

“Is he your ex boyfriend?” he asks again that made you feel even more irritated.

You already started filming the series so you're basically seeing (actor name) almost everyday. He's nice and easy to get along to, but sometimes he can be annoying too. Specially that he seemed to be fond of teasing you.

“Can you mind your own business?” you rolled your eyes that only made him chuckle.

“So he is.” he concludes and you shoot him glares once again.

It’s been a week since the last night you've seen or heard from Jake. And honestly, you thought you two are doing perfectly fine. That the intimate time you spend together that night was a silent declaration that you two are just for each other. Maybe you are just so naive? So hopeful? You don't know anything at all at this point.

“You want me to help you?”

“Help me with what?”

“To get over him.” he stated innocently.

You scoffed sarcastically like it was the funniest thing you've heard in your life. But he is not fazed at all. Instead, he have this confident boyish smile he always sports that makes him extremely attractive.

“You think I haven't tried everything?”

“Yeah,” he starts and shrugs his shoulder off. “You haven't tried going out with me yet, have you?”

You felt something inside your stomach going crazy for what he said.

“You're crazy.” you manages to mumble despite with a racing heart.

“No, no!” he chuckles, trying to win you over considering his suggestion.

“Come to think of it. There's nothing to lose here. You can get over with your ex, we'll get the promotion for our series. Hitting two birds with one stone.”

You stared at him without saying any words, contemplating. The fact that you are really considering his suggestion is making you wonde if you should stop looking at his beautiful eyes. Makes you think that he's hypnotizing you into agreeing.

“And besides, if it doesn't work then we'll just make it seem like I dumped you.”

Your forehead creased as his smile grew wider.

“Why are you the one dumping me?”

He chuckles, “Okay, you can dump me since you look cute.”

You rolled your eyes at him and glanced at his hand he was offering you to conceal the deal.

And you don't know if it was just because the anger you felt towards Jake or (actor name) just looked so good that moment. But you agreed. Leading you to why you are inside his car now, coming home from your nth date.

It's already been five months and a half since the agreement. You don't know it lasted that long already and honestly you don't care because you are having so much fun hanging out with him.

He was such a fun person. You are completely aware of it before, but when you started spending time together with less people and camera around you, he was so much more. He's so caring, such a soft person which totally contradicts his physical appearance since he shows this manly demeanor, and he takes good care of you. He never lets you overthink at all. He's always there for you and never send mixed signals towards you.

It was scary agreeing to this arrangement. Like taking a big risk that you can end up regretting or loving, like someone coming out of their shells for the first time and finding out that the world has so much more to offer.

“What's making you look so serious there, gorge?” he asks as he taps his fingers over his steering wheel waiting patiently for the redlight to turn green.

You pout and showed him the article you've been reading. “Don't you think I look fat in this picture?”

It was an article about the two of you when you've been seen going out the other day and he didn't even glance at it. His eyes are glued at you completely and his eyes softens at your question. A playful smirk painted his face before he leans and give your cheeks a small peck.

“Damn, you are so adorable.” he whispered but you managed to hear it.

“I asked you if I looked fat here.”

He finally take a look and smirks, “I think you look wonderful wearing my hoodie, love.”

You blushed and smiled. “You are so lucky that you are my boyfriend, (actor name).”

A proud smile spreads across his face while he place a kiss on top of your hand. “I am indeed very lucky, Ma'am.”

You arrived at the parking lot and you gave him a kiss on his lips before leaning away to stare at his eyes. They looked arrogant, people always misunderstood him as intimidating on first look because of his sharp looking eyes. Totally opposite of your types, but he was worth the shot. They might look strong and cold, but they're totally different whenever they're looking at you.

Every time you stare at his eyes, you can feel your eyes heating up and you just want to cry for so many things. A lot of things happened already, but he was there all along. Your past self may not believe it if you got to talk to them months ago from now, but you very much happy right now. Happy without worrying of being left confused the next day or week. Consistent happiness that you never felt for a while.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” he assures you.

With a nod, you left his car and waves. You watch how his car drove off and decided to go inside your building when a familiar headlights went on.

You felt your feet stoned and slowly you glanced at his usual spot. Your heart sank at the sight of his familiar car. Its been months ever since you've seen him.

You blocked him from your phone and tried so hard to avoid him in every possible way. The last thing you remembered that you heard from him is that he announced his break up with the girl he was dating months ago and that he's taking his time off from his group.

His car door opened and you don't understand how to feel at the sight of him. The familiar warmth he gives you was still there, the thumping of heart and stomach churning were all there.

His hair grew longer and his eyes looked so tired and sad reflecting clearly on them. He walks on the passenger side of his car and opened the door.

“Can we talk?” he asks gently. “Please?” he added when he didn't saw any reaction from you.

You let out a sigh and started walking towards him. Instinctively, he rests his hand at the small of your back to guide you inside his car. After making sure you're all set, he went inside and the silence was deafening. It sure is awkward here.

“H-How are you? I heard you're taking a time off.” you started off.

His eyes sets on you and they looked so heartbroken, empty and hurt.

“Baby,” the familiar pet names sends millions of memories on you.

“please take me back.” his voice cracked.

Numerous times Jake attempted to fix what he just broken months ago and failed in all of those times. He knew it was a selfish move to make, but he couldn't take it anymore. At first, he thought that its fine when he saw the first time articles announced you and (actor name) were dating. He was actually briefly happy that you looked happy.

But then as times pass by, he realized that he fucked up so bad. He realized it wasn't him for you anymore when its still you for him until now.

The first time he tried contacting you, his heart sank after he realized you blocked him. You avoided and focused on your career. He tried waiting for you in his usual spot, but you never walked there again, purposely going inside the building through the main door. Everything started to come at him full speed and he wasn't ready for the blow.

Jake’s hope crumbles down when instead of your familiar loving gaze, he was met with a sad look on your face. That’s not what he wants.

How stupid is he to take advantage of you, being too confident that you wouldn’t, in any way, find someone else to replace him? It was his fault. He was denial, but the reality are slowly eating him up and he’s getting weak as time passes by.

“Y/n, please.” his pleading tone almost broke you into bits.

You cannot believe your eyes. The confident and flirtatious Sim Jaeyun was nowhere to be found. All you can see is his soft pleading eyes, tears pooling the sides of his eyes. He looked so... lost and broken.

And you feel so bad.

“I'm sorry, Jake. I think you should leave.” you glanced away and hand reached over the car's door to go out. Coming inside here was a wrong decision.

He was quick to stop you.

“W-Wait,”

You prevent yourself to look at him, afraid that you’ll break down the moment you set eyes on him.

“I know I’m too late already and its all my fault, baby.” he mumbles, sniffing.

'Oh God he's crying. Jake Sim is crying.' you thought to yourself.

“I just want to say that I love you, y/n. I really do and I know to myself that you will always be the only one for me. I can fool myself and try dating someone else, but my heart knows where it belongs.”

Your heart cracked at the sound of his voice and the words that were coming out from his mouth. Never in your life you thought you will here it from him. Too bad, its too late. Love really is about timing sometimes.

You tried your best to glance at him with a small smile. He's in tears and you almost lost control of yourself, but you pull through. A tear escapes your eyes as you cup his face and gently caress it.

“If someday,” he rests as he choke on his own words. “If someday you manage to find your love for me again, come back to me.”

His words were knives straight to your chest, but you tried pushing it out from your mind. You tried hard not to absorb them.

“Goodbye, Jake.” and with that, you left. Since it was so hard for you to ask him to leave, you're the one who left.

Jake was your comfort for quite some time. He was your warmth from the cold, your peace of mind and your soulmate. He will always have a special part in your heart no one else can take, like a childhood blanket that helps you sleep well, a pair of shoe you used to love and wear all the time, a favorite pajamas you wear at night.

You know when sometimes you tend to try out new styles whether its clothes or hair colors, but always find yourself going back to your 'comfort' style. That certain style that comforts you, gives you confidence and destinct warmth, that's Jake Sim for you. He is your style.

But sometimes change is not so bad. Sometimes, stepping out from your comfort zone is a great step for self development, for growth.

Jake Sim is definitely your style, and just like any other phases, they pass. You outgrew them in order to be better. You may leave that phase behind, but great memories you experienced through it, with him, will be cherish forever.

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

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[yeyinde]

Haha, I also spoil myself intentionally, but for the plot of movies, tv shows, and games I’m not super invested in. If I accidentally spoil myself (especially if I learn a character dies) I’ll cope by telling myself “I don’t know how/when it happened though”

Anyways Major Character Death!!

I’m SO disappointed in them killing off Soap and especially in how they did it! No buildup or anything! To me it was disrespectful to the character and to Neil Ellice. And then the 141 don’t even say anything and it cuts to them spreading his ashes with a simple goodbye! They could have at least made them a little more upset 🥲 also I hate how abruptly the game ended. Makarov gets away, but no mention to that at the end.

I had also initially requested what would become infinity in the palm of your hand (eternity in an hour) as a way to “cope” with 2009 Soap’s death because it’s always been on the back of my mind for years (weird, I know). But now after playing the new MW3 campaign I look like boo boo the fool because of who went and got killed off 😭 now every time I go back to reread it, it will be painful knowing what’s in store for reader for their current reincarnation of Soap.

Tldr I’m kinda not okay with MW3.

From what I've seen, it feels like they pulled it out of a hat. All names went in, but his (amongst others) came out. And I guess it's safe because he died in the OG, so the backlash can easily be deflected from within their own community when other fans come to their defence over this choice. But idk.

I agree with everything you said. It doesn't make any sense. It's jarring and misplaced, and canonically pointless. I'm not against character death. Grief is a powerful thing. But I just hate when it's so contrived and needless. It was definitely done for shock value over plot/character growth and I think they were trying to re-create the massive storm that happened when OG Soap died because they know they don't have much else going for them. It just massively missed the mark because: a) Price and Gaz had no tangible in-game relationship with Soap the same way Ghost did; and b) what does his death really amount to in the end? Nothing. It feels cobbled together and poorly thought out. It's sad when Portal 2 has better writing than your whole remake combined. Honestly, it's kind of impressive how little thought they put into this. I'm getting flash backs to DGG's Halloween.

If it's any consolation, the mythology I based the reincarnation off of in infinity would essentially just be neverending. An ouroboros. The events would happen much the same way. A knock on the door. Spiral of grief. A bog. A deal. Restart. So, you'd just wake up again and live life until whatever the old you made a deal with decides it's time to collect. You're forever stuck in a loop with your soulmate until you get it right.

The rest is just how I kinda wish it went, but this was getting very long because I have more thoughts on this than I anticipated lmao 😅

Personally, I think it would have been much more interesting if they brought in a new passel of characters and slowly chipped off the main cast in a series of horrible decisions that slowly begin to feel hollow and empty. That leave you, the player, feeling emotionally gutted with each new chapter because the choices previously are absolutely impacting the way they move forward, but they're too deep into their own revenge fantasy to see it until the very end when it's too late. Give me actions have consequences and every choice you make is directly responsible for someone's death. The realities of war. And what happens when you give a group of people the power to play god in countries they know nothing about. It would have matched the gritty tone they tried to go for with the trailers and actually served as an interesting conversation about war and how we tend to deify the military when they're just men with too much power in their hands. Instead, we have a death that means nothing. That arguably happened much too early in the series so the payoff is solely meant for clicks and reaction channels. Pointless.

And Makarov. A Russian Ultra Nationalist. I feel like that title alone says everything for me, and yet. They still somehow managed to give a Russian War Criminal so many wins. I'm just so irritated by it all.

#cod spoilers #mw3 spoilers #mwiii spoilers #call of duty spoilers #cod 2023 spoilers #SO MAD!!! #but also #it was a cheap way to get more engagement with their fanbase and theyre technically protected against backlash so #poor writing for the win (again)

[missmeinyourbones]

TO LOVE IS TO COMPROMISE (TOUYA X READER) (WC: 1.1k)

part 3 of the series: to love is to...

“It is a kind of love, is it not?

How the cup holds the tea,

How the chair stands sturdy and foursquare”

- The Patience of Ordinary Things, Pat Schneider

Touya is beginning to think that life isn’t made up of the ground crumbling moments—the ones that leave him writhing and thrashing in the middle of the night. The ones that suffocate him to think about, leaving his chest wrung out like a damp towel. 

He thinks it’s more so the small moments, the ones that leave him breathless with their confidentiality and closeness, that mean more to him than whatever horrors happened in the past. 

Living with you comes with a lot of normalcy—tiny, intimate moments that are easy to over look. Things you don’t really think about when imaging a future with someone. Taking turns washing and drying dishes, remembering to turn the lights off when leaving the house, bickering over what to watch on television.

Touya can’t remember the last time he watched an episode of television. A part of him feels like he shouldn’t be sitting parallel to you on your worn-down sofa, allowing himself something as silly and sweet as indulging in a false reality for thirty minutes plus commercial breaks.

“What do you wanna watch?” you call to him as you settle down on the opposite end of the tiny futon. You mindlessly pick away at the loose strings from the seams of the armrest, like a cat shredding curtains or a blanket. 

Touya’s head is thrown back onto the headboard of the couch. He makes no move to let his eyes stray from the ceiling—maybe he’s counting the groves in the spackle as punishment. To atone for his sins with boredom, denying himself the pleasure of a casual intimacy.

He drawls, tone blasé, “Don’t care, just put somethin’ on.” 

Paying his disinterested comment no mind, you channel surf for a bit, passing countless amounts of thirty minute segments. Some reality show following teenage pregnancy, a dating competition consisting of contestants with funny accents, a sit-com of a hectic family with an unbelievable amount of children.

Eventually, you land on some re-run of a game show, one with fill in the blank letters and contestants asking to buy vowels.

It takes Touya about three seconds to register the sound of the buzzer and the nasally voice of the show’s host for his head to be jolting upwards.

“Not that.”

You snort at his quick response, impressed with how quickly his nonchalant attitude seemed to change with a simple show.

“But you said—”

“Gimme that,” he grumbles, snatching the remote from your hands with a quick swipe of his arm. 

He doesn't spare a glance at your disgruntled reaction, far too focused on getting the brightly colored gameshow set off of the television screen. He simply ignores you, continuing to scan the television guide and surf the channels for something more his taste. 

“Mean,” he hears you mumble out from behind your pout before further sulking into the couch cushion, arms crossed and brow furrowed. He knows that your feelings aren’t actually hurt, that it’s merely a faux statement of mild irritation, but he still tsks as he crawls his way over to you. 

“Only for you,” he teases as he plants himself over your lap, his head resting on your chest as his legs sprawl out over the rest of the sofa. You naturally open your arms for him, letting him get comfortable in your hold as the two of you settle into the newfound position. 

Touya eventually decides on some silly horror movie from the 80′s, one where the protagonist is babysitting and the killer somehow knows her whereabouts at all times. The shitty acting and choppy cinematography makes you laugh underneath your breath a few times, but manages to do an alright job of keeping your attention.

Your fingers find themselves mindlessly running through the white tuffs of Touya’s hair. It’s a lot softer now, without all of the shitty dark box-dye—it smells a lot nicer too, now that he washes it regularly and uses your (rather expensive) lavender shampoo. 

Time passes between your intertwined limbs and head rubs. More than half of the movie is over when you’re brought back to reality with a strong urge to stretch your legs out. 

With a quick glance over of the screen, you gather that movie must be nearing its end, based on the high pitched violins increasing and the protagonist’s monologue going on for over a minute now. 

Touya had closed his eyes a long time ago—around twenty minutes into the film being turned on—as he laid on top of you with evened breaths and fluttering eyelids. 

You knew he was asleep, and you wanted to let him rest—it was rare for him to sleep through the night these days. You wanted him to relax in your hold, to know that it’s okay that he lounges, that he takes care of himself. 

You sigh, finally bored with the movie as you quietly pick up the remote control that sits between Touya and the edge of the couch. You cruise through a few channels before landing on some children’s baking show. Entertained by the change of pace, you watch their tiny hands mix batter and roll out fondant for about thirty seconds before you feel a gritty complaint vibrate from your chest.

“I was watchin’ that,” Touya growls from where his head rests, voice far too rough with exhaustion for someone who was supposedly awake and following along with the plot of a film. 

“With your eyes closed?” you entertain his childish quip, hands returning to his hair. 

He moans out a gruff mhm, before grabbing the remote from where it balances on your leg and putting the movie back on—all without as much as lifting his head from the warmth of your torso. 

You remove your hand from his hair to flick his forehead with a rough snap.

“You’re annoying,” you grumpily conclude. 

“You like me that way,” he’s quick to return, grabbing the hand that just flicked him and pressing a gentle sloppy peck to the heel of your palm. 

“Guess I do,” you grumble back, feeling Touya chuckle at your measly defeat.

There has to be maybe ten minutes left of the film now, as the killer had presumably died in the final battle, but alas, the police report that no body was found. 

You feel Touya’s sighs start to become deeper again, more relaxed as the film wraps up. You scoff and readjust yourself to look down at him—eyes closed once more with a slight smirk spread across his face. 

“Next time,” you pat his shoulder, rubbing a few circles on the calloused skin as you continue, “I get to pick the movie and fall asleep on you.”

Your boyfriend’s response pleasantly surprises you. 

“Deal.”

#to love is to... #touya todoroki #dabi #touya x reader #dabi x reader #touya fic #dabi fic #touya fluff #dabi fluff #touya drabble #dabi drabble #touya blurb #dabi blurb #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha writing

[steddie-thirst]

Scream for Me |18+| Ghostface!Steddie x Fem!Reader

((Firstly this is an AU of the SCREAM/Ghostface franchise and thus there will be blood, killing, and stalking. However, if it makes you uncomfortable for any reason then do not read. I do not condone stalking in the real since or any sort of obsession this is only fiction. However, if you have a problem also do not read this is only a creative outlet))

Warnings: this will be a continued series, this is an intro to the characters and plot, killing, stalking, mentions of killing, mean!Steve, sub!eddie

Ring! Ring!

You huff and pick up the phone. "Hello?"

A gruff voice responds, "Who's this?"

"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number. Bye." You hang up the phone and huff. Ever since the beginning of last week you'd been getting calls. All ranging from different things, to asking your name, threatening you, and it never ended. Not wanting to mention it to Eddie or Steve because tonight was a movie night, supposed to be a relaxing time filled with laughter. You also didn't want to drag your boys into problems that you very well could handle.

After all nothing would ever happen.

The fresh scent of popcorn fills the room, buttery, and perfectly roasted. "Popcorn's almost ready, Steve." You call from the kitchen voice smooth like honey and sweet. Steve had busied himself with setting up the couch for tonight's movie date, arranging pillows and blankets according to everyone's liking. Eddie was always hot and you were always cold, therefore you always ended up seated between the two. When he finished he turns to find you carrying the large bowl of popcorn into the living-room and placing it neatly in the center. Steve takes you into his arms pecking your lips softly hands rested at the dip of your hips.

He smiled down at you, "Ready for movie night?"

"I sure am." Eddie declares plopping down on his side of the couch, feet coming up to rest on the table, shoes still on. Steve looks over his shoulder and finds him deliberately ignoring one of your many rules. Being kind enough to invite them over into your own home Steve found it rude to be breaking any rules in your house.

"Eds, shoes and feet off the table." His stern tone set Eddie straight, swinging his legs off the table muttering an apology.

"It's okay Steve." You whisper softly voice soothing him as you place a kiss to his temple. He sighs arms crossing over his chest as you dote on him. Steve was in control, but there were days were he needed something else, where he could escape the pain of work and stress. Him being here with you was one way to set himself free, but there was only so much that you could handle.

"I know, baby. He just shouldn't be breakin' rules in your own home." Steve re-iterated and Eddie huffed rolling his eyes.

"I did apologize, Steve." He defended kicking his shoes off, fearing he'd go for him next on that rule, setting them aside.

"It's fine, Eddie. Steve just sit and relax.." He looks back you ready to argue, but he gives in arms falling to his sides and takes a seat on the couch. You smile in content and turn on your heels to go fetch drinks and cups from the kitchen. As you reach to open the cabinet, your eyes dart down to the counter, and in doing so notice a knife is missing from the holder. Odd, you clearly remember putting it back earlier after using it to cut tomatoes for the sandwiches during lunch. You shake it off though and make your way back into the living-room cups and bottle of soda cradled between your arms.

Eddie sighs, "You're a goddess, baby. Thank you." He praises watching you set each cup out and pour each of them a decent serving before screwing the cap on and setting it off to the side. Finally able to sit down between your two boys was the best feeling. Pulling the blanket over your legs and pushing play on the remote starting the movie. You scoot back and curl into Steve's side his arm moving to wrap around your waist, keeping your feet rested in Eddie's lap.

"Steve?" You whispered. He turns his head at the sound and leans closer, face now almost nose to nose with you.

"Yeah, baby?" Steve replies voice hushed as not to disturb the movie which Eddie was currently very zoned into not able to tear his eyes away.

"Did you by chance use one of the kitchen knives? One's missing." He listens to every word and sighs shaking his head.

"No, baby girl. Did you ask Eddie?" Steve pried gesturing to the other and you glance at the brunette still sucked into the screen.

"I-I don't think he did it..it was there when you got here and when he got here." You explained unknowingly working yourself up. Steve sighs and curls his arm back around you. He pulls away eyes focusing back on the television playing out the movie, of Eddie's choice, some babysitter running around and getting murdered. Horror films were such a cliché you could almost always see things coming.

As the movie played on you were rather jumpy, palms clammy, and nerves completely all over the place. Every scare, or scream got to you more than it should've. Steve seemed to notice because he'd been holding you to his side for the past 45 minutes. Something was wrong. He snatches snatches remote off the table and pressing pause. Eddie groaned about to snap at Steve when he saw your cowering form blanket pulled up all the way to your face like a scared child. "Woah, baby." His voice was gentle, shocked, but concerned.

"Baby, is this about the knife?" Steve asked causing you to let out a whimper. Eddie was unfortunately left out of the earlier conversation so he was just as baffled.

"What fucking knife Steve?" Eddie hissed now worried he'd missed something important. You lower the blanket and look between the boys. No hiding from it now, it was bothering you. It was there and you knew it was, someone had to of taken it. What if someone was hiding in the house?

"There was a knife missing in the kitchen. I-I know I'm gonna sound crazy, but I swore I'd put put it back after making your lunch. I know I did." You double over head in your palms as a sob racks through your body. Eddie looked over to Steve and they share a look of sympathy.

"Baby, it's okay. I promise you probably just left it somewhere in the house." Eddie offered and Steve glared at him. That didn't do any better because the sobs only got louder. Steve reached over and popped Eddie on the side of the head.

'Ow Fuck' Eddie mouthed back to Steve.

'Quit fucking around' Steve mouthed back. They glare at each other before you sit back up and the return to normal, watching as you brush your years away and hair back out of your face. Tear stained cheeks, eyes puffy and red.

"I'm crazy aren't I, Steve?" You whimper pitifully bottom lip quivering. Clearly this whole thing and the movie had put some ideas into your head.

"No, baby. It's just the movie is all, got all in your pretty head that someone's after you." Steve's the first to comfort you arms wrapping around your small form still shaking and reeling from the whole situation. Eddie rubbed small circle on the small of your back in attempt to add extra comfort. "Come on, sweet thing, I think it's time for bed." You nodded and Steve moves to hook one arm beneath your knees standing up and carrying you bridal style up the steps and to your room.

Once there Steve laid your tired form down, helping you get all tucked in, leaving the lamp on just in case you woke up. Couldn't leave you on the dark alone that would just make it worse. Once satisfied with your slumbering state, steady breaths and unwavering movement of your chest he took his leave, shutting the door behind him.

"Is she sleeping?" Eddie asked in a hushed voice leaning against the doorframe at the bottom of the stairs, one leg propped on the wall.

"Yeah, didn't know that would get her so worked up. Shit." Steve sighed and brushed his fingers through his hair trying to figure out the whole situation.

"I checked, definitely a knife missing, but no sign of it anywhere." Eddie shrugs and Steve nodded following him into the kitchen, as she said, one knife had indeed been missing or misplaced. There was no telling. The two decided they would check the house while you slept. Hours went by as you slept and eventually the sound of tapping brought you from your slumber.

The tapping in question was coming from the window itself, maybe it was a tree branch, or a bird trying to get in. Whatever it was the sound had gotten quite annoying and peaked your curiosity, pushing the duvet cover off, and climbing out of the bed you pad over to the window. Leaning on the ledge you look through the glass and to the left sure enough there was a tree branch scrapping the side of the window. Shutting your eyes a sigh of relief escapes you, shoulder slumping as the source had been indemnified.

When you opened your eyes, your breath hitched, there in front of the window stood a figure. Ghost like mask void of any emotions or facial features, shrouded by a dark black rob that clung to him like darkness. A scream ripped through your throat as he held up the knife, your knife. Turning to run down the stairs and into the safety of someone's arms. You bump into Eddie first as the threshold of the steps.

He studies your terrified face and frowns. "Baby, what's wrong? You okay?" Your whole body is trembling as he pulls you to his chest. His hair brushing against your cheek, head resting on his shoulder finger fiisting handfuls of his jacket.

"I-I saw... something." You stammer.

"Saw what? What did you see?" Eddie asked, voice hushed, and soothing.

"A ghost or... or a person, like a mask. They had the knife from the kitchen." Eddie laughs and pulls back looking down at you.

"We found the knife after you went to bed. It was in the dishwasher." He assures you and smiles. "If you want I can show you." You nodded wanting to put this whole knife thing to rest. Eddie ushers you into the kitchen and leaves you in the doorway waltzing over to the dishwasher and pulling it open with the grand reveal, there it was sitting in the rack with other cutlery and silverware.

"I guess I didn't remember putting it anywhere, I'm sorry, Eds. I just... ever since this whole phone stalker thing started I haven't been myself." Eddie tilted his head to the side closing the dishwasher with his hips. "I've been getting these calls, same voice, same guy."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Eddie asked eyes sad like a lost puppy. You turn to sit on one of the bar stools and he follows waiting for you to explain.

"Ever since last week I've been getting calls. They're all different, but it's the same voice, so it's the same guy... I think. He goes from asking my name, asking what I'm wearing, to telling me he can see me...never threatened to kill me, but he told me to be careful." Once everything is explained Eddie begins to understand why you didn't say anything. Worried they might think it was one of the jocks from school teasing you. Just didn't want to drag anyone's name through the ground and Eddie sighed.

"Princess, I appreciate the sentiment but if someone is stalking you and looking at you, that's when you involve us and the cops. I don't care who it incriminates." He demanded shrugging his shoulders. As he spoke you noticed something. Where was Steve?

"Eds, where's Steve?" You asked gently. Ignoring what he was explaining. Eddie huffed clearly annoyed, but confirmed your worry.

"He went home. Said that his dad needed him or some shit. I offered to stay here and guard the castle." He joked. You actually crack a smile and a giggle falls from your lips.

"See! There's my princess!" Eddie chirps happily and you sigh in relief.

"Eds, can we watch TV? I don't think I can sleep right now." He nodded and steps away to go set up the couch again. When you walk into the kitchen you grab your phone off the charger, just as it starts ringing. Without checking the ID you answer, "Hello?"

"Thought you could just hang up on me huh? Avoided me to be with your boyfriend?" That voice, the familiar cadence, and insulting tone. It sounded almost familiar.

Tears prick in your eyes as Eddie looks over to you. "You. I told you to stop calling me!" There was a chuckle from the other side of the line.

"Not gonna happen, sweetheart. Here's what is going to happen.." There was a brief pause, "--you better start fucking running!" The voice went silent and the call ended. You couldn't move, feet stuck, and heart pounding. The phone fell from your grasp clattering to the floor. Eddie could see your worried state and rushed over to you.

"Baby, what did he say?" He grips your shoulders and gently shakes you.

"H-He said to start running." You reply looking Eddie in the eyes, soft brown orbs staring back at you filled with concern. The room felt eerily silent.

"Why would he--" Before Eddie could even finish, the porch door flung open a dark figure stepping through it. The same ghost like mask and dark black robe hugged his figure. The masked intruder tilted his head before dashing towards the both of you.

He turned back to look and he instantly shoved your forward by the shoulders. "Shit! Shit run!" Eddie was hot on your tail running with you towards the back door. You flung it open holding it for Eddie to pass through, but when he made it the both of you shut the door on the killer. You let out a pained grunt as he pushed his weight against the door. Eddie was strong, but you weren't not as built as him. The ghost figure pushed through the door and he encouraged you to keep running down the short corridor towards the garage door. When he turned to follow you the figure caught up with Eddie grabbing him by his hair and yanking him back to his chest. When you reached the door a voice interrupted you.

"Not so fast." It was them. The same voice taunting you endlessly over the phone day and night. Making life a living hell. He held Eddie by his hair knife pressed to his throat. His Adam's apple bobbing as he tried to swallow down his nerves. "Not unless you want me to gut your little boy toy." You whimpered eyes locking with Eddie.

"No-Oh no don't hurt him." You pleaded.

"What would poor old Stevie think if he found him gutted on your floor?" He trails the knife across his neck you watching in horror.

"Eddie.." You whimpered only able to watch.

"Fuck you." Eddie sneered. At this retort from the brunette the intruder proceeded slammed his head against the doorway and Eddie groaned falling to the ground in pain. The figure stalks over to you pressing the knife to your collarbone ever so gently. He chuckles when you let out a whine. "I've never seen you this scared." He cooed down at you. Hands pressed against the door as he trapped you against it chest flushed with yours.

Eddie was still reeling from the blow he received to his head, but he was alive. You look back into the dark eyes of the mask, endless, dark and void of any emotion. "Who are you?"

"Really wanna know?" You gulp down your fear and nod slowly. One of his gloved hands moves slowly careful not to startle you and pushes back the mask revealing an all to familiar face. Soft hazel orbs followed by familiar mop of chestnut-brown hair and those perfect boyish features. He chuckled when he saw your eyes go wide.

"S-Steve..?"

"Surprise, baby." He sings hands lowering to his sides. "Although I was really hoping you'd catch on sooner. God, thought I couldn't be obvious enough." He shrugs and you look back to Eddie who's grinning still on the ground.

"Actually it was me on the phone earlier." Eddie climbs up off the floor with ease, as if it never happened. He pulls a small device from his pocket and holds it up to his mouth, "Oopsie."

"Why? All of this to kill me?" You whimper eyes glassy. Steve tilts his head to the side and Eddie chuckled.

"Kill you, no." Steve shakes his head and leans down breath ghosting across your face, "Scare you, yes." He clarified.

"We thought it would be fun if you knew what we did in our free time. What our grand plan is." You look between them.

"What plan?"

"Fucking clean this town of all the filth that's in it. Get back at everyone who's wronged us. Who has hurt you." Eddie kindly explained. Approaching behind Steve and resting his head on his shoulder.

"So why scare me?" You asked now on the verge of tears.

"Fun." Eddie replied and in anger you reached up slapping him across the face. Steve let out a chuckle.

"Told you, Eds. Our girl is feisty." Steve reprimanded him and Eddie let out a string of colorful curses.

"Ow! Shit! Jesus H. Christ!" Eddie let out a pained groan and curled away from Steve. He smirked looking down at you.

"

"This is so much easier anyways. Besides I know how much you like getting scared. Remember that time in the haunted house." Your eyes widened and he grinned. "You do remember. Gets you all worked up doesn't it?" You shamelessly nod your head and he laughed softly.

"Knew it." His hand came to grab you by the hair guiding you out of the garage and towards the kitchen. "Now we're gonna play another game. It's called cat and mouse." Steve let go of you and watched as there was not a minute that passed before you took off running.

"Atta girl." Steve cheered turning to Eddie who was still in shock from the slap to his face. "Eddie get off your ass." Steve snapped grabbing him by the collar and shoving him forward.

TAGLIST: (LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA BE ADDED)

@carol-munson @rollergirlworld

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #steve harrington x reader #stranger things x fem!reader #steddie x reader #steddie x you #18 + #steddie x fem!reader #ghostface steddie #poly!ghostface #steddie x y/n #poly!ghostface steddie #ghostface x reader #joesph quinn as ghostface would end me personally

[lepertamar]

Stars That Rise At Dawn 2023 Revised vs 2019 edition differences: Part 3

Part 1 is at this link, and part 2 at this one. This part covers chapter 25 to the end and is a bit shorter.

As before, long sequence of passages with changes under the cut. I’ve put some commentary of my own personal opinion on a few of the changes, but the author mostly only explains her decisions with an enigmatic ‘improving continuity with the rest of the series’ so the effects are pretty subjective.

I tried to put changes/additions of the 2023 revision in bold, and when I quoted the 2018 edition, put it in strikethrough red.

Oh and feel free to add to any of these posts with edits I missed!

Chapter 25:

Another little addition of g-d's reactiveness and participation:

“Ah, anger, real anger. All Tamar sees is brightness and the chiming of bells, God laughing at her situation”

Then a change in a characterization bit that was quite off in the previous version.

Pre-revision:

She’s aware her tone and her actions are serving as a tool for her, a way to cover up all that she doesn’t know, can’t sort out. It almost bothers her.

Post-revision:

“Hmmm.” Tamar stretches it out. She’s aware her tone and her actions are just emphasizing all she doesn’t know. It almost bothers her. Almost.”

And an added line here:

“Elīya almost thinks about this for a moment until other thoughts make her eyes narrow. “You don’t ever consider the impact of your actions, do you?” Tamar actually raises an eyebrow at that, above the place her eyes should be. “Not usually, no.” “I’d recommend it.” “Believe me, it’s not for lack of you trying to make me.”

And there's some alteration and addition here, which gutted me:

Pre-revision

“Then again,” Tamar says, shrugging. “Back then, I didn’t have myself, not really. There wasn’t much opportunity as a secondary school student to carve out something for myself, experience something, do something. But now I do. And maybe that’s different.” Elīya doesn’t know how to interpret that: some kind of acquiescence? An implication that maybe she will consider her actions now, due to now somehow having the resources, in some way, to be able to afford to? Or is that just wishful thinking?

Post-revision:

“Then again,” Tamar says, shrugging. “Back then, I didn’t have myself, not really. There wasn’t much opportunity as a secondary school student to do anything with myself, carve out something that was myself. But now I have. And maybe that’s different. Look at me. My whole life, with what I’ve done to it. What I’ve done to myself. I’m blind. Of course I fucking knew the consequences of my actions. I just didn’t care, compared to this.” Elīya takes a shaky breath. But she doesn’t know how to interpret Tamar’s words: some kind of acquiescence? An implication that maybe she will consider her actions more often now, due to now somehow having the resources, in some way, to be able to afford to? Or is that just wishful thinking? Or is she already considering the consequences now, and still just finding them worth it? Is that why she came back? ”

Just.............holy shit. Look at me. My whole life, with what I’ve done to it. What I’ve done to myself. ;;;;;-;;;;;;

I talked about this here though not really in the context of being a revision, but the revision really emphasizes it, how Tamar's language of self clearly comes from a wholly different sort of place, both in self-conception and in idk, language? school of thought/tradition? subcultural blueprint? than eliya's (via lucifer) or yenatru's (via israfil i guess?) in those previous chapters. An aggregation or perhaps, a chemical reaction, like one in fire-over-time/life......

And the emphasis on eliya wondering why tamar came back at all. Which foreshadows the next chapter where Eliya and Tamar's burgeoning re-connection that makes their association later in Lives more understandable.

Chapter 26:

The slight change to the epigraph incorporates some of the deleted previous chapter 2 epigraph:

Pre-revision:

It may shock my readers to hear, but even as one of the Holy, Heaven does not provide enough variety for me.  God is a friend and a companion, and I would prefer They stay with me, in my arm, on many travels, to all options I can find after the Resurrection…

Post-revision:

“It may shock my readers to hear, but as an extension of God’s soul, Heaven would not provide enough variety for me.  God is a friend and a companion, and I would prefer They stay with me, in my arm, on many travels, to all options I can find after the Resurrection… —Safirah, Holy, An Uncommon Proposition”

Also this takes out 'even as one of the holy' so removing the implication that most holies want to go to heaven (which makes sense, holification in some ways is more a contrast to heaven eg in the prequel short story, forcing the experience of g-d now and while still alive and standing on earth)

A significant change to the eavesdropping scene!

Pre-revision:

“Elīya,” Tamar hisses. “What?” she whispers back. “I think you’ve gone too far.  I don’t think we should be here.” The set of Tamar’s mouth looks serious, really and legitimately serious, in the light of her eye-fire.  “This isn’t stuff we should be hearing.” “Are you sure?” It’s not like Tamar cared about that when she went off stalking, when she ignored all of Elīya’s advice for years and years. “Trust me, I’m a professional at eavesdropping these days.” That’s when Lucifer starts crying.  Gently, like sighs one after another, but they sound wet and— Tamar’s right, Elīya realizes. Tamar’s actually fucking right. They shouldn’t be here, they shouldn’t be overhearing this.  But how are they going to get away without it being obvious that they were behind this rock all along?  Maybe Elīya’s ethics class should have been covering this instead of the fucking trolly problem…

And Tamar’s standing up. “Tamar what the fuck are you doing,” Elīya hisses. “Trip me,” Tamar hisses back. “What?” “Trip me, Elīya! It’s good deniability! Quick, before my eyes give me away, I’m gonna walk toward you, and you’re gonna trip me.”

Post-revision:

“Shit,” Elīya mutters to herself. She values honesty. She values openness. But it’s neither of those things to hear—what? confessions?---like this in secret. And certainly Yenatru would be hurt. And that is not what she ever wanted from this trip. “Hmm?” Tamar asks back. “We have to leave,” Elīya hisses. “Whatever they’re about to say—we can’t hear it, not like this.” “Ethically?” “Yes.” And she almost wonders: if it weren’t for Yenatru, maybe at this point she wouldn’t care. Maybe. “But you’re conflicted,” Tamar says, almost—gloating? No, it’s probably not that, but fuck! They’re running out of time! Because Lucifer’s started crying. Gently, like sighs one after another, but still wet and how are they going to get away without it being obvious that they were behind this rock all along?  Maybe Elīya’s ethics class should have been covering this instead of the fucking trolly problem… And Tamar’s standing up. “Tamar what the fuck are you doing,” Elīya hisses. “Trip me,” Tamar hisses back. “What?” “Trip me, Elīya! It’s good deniability! Quick, before my eyes give me away, I’m gonna walk toward you, and you’re gonna trip me.” Elīya can barely swallow let alone respond. Tamar’s come up with a solution, Tamar who’s never thought about doing what’s right in her life—and flame it, it might work.”

More #dignity for eliya, not getting ethically shown up by tamar (of all fucking people lol!) just to make her look even worse. eliya values ethics, is good at it, and is growing to uh idk. 'does she have ethics, or does ethics have her' sjidfhidshiudhiugihudfgufg.

especially when it's VERY hard for me to believe tamar would give a shit about anything like this lmao. i mean ok idk not completely impossible to believe given that lucifer seems to just have a forcefield that makes everyone in their radius to go 'oh shit oh fuck they're so pathetic i have to be the niceyest ever to them', even tamar, lmao, but still not narratively fitting, especially given how it fucks with eliya's arc right around here.

Close afterward there's a moment where a line about Yenatru is deleted:

Lucifer just shakes their head.  “May I suggest actually going to sleep instead of listening in on a private conversation?” Yenatru doesn’t say anything; he’s probably uncomfortable, probably scared that two of his friends are fighting.  

And then

Pre-revision:

Tamar just shrugs.  “Maybe not, then.  I guess the only other person’s mind I’ve really got figured out these days is God’s—”

Post-revision:

Tamar just shrugs. “Maybe not, then. I guess I’ve got my hands full trying to figure out God’s—”

Tamar still struggling and rotating as earlier in the book.....def foreshadows of Lives here too.

And then a long sequence of significant alteration again!!

Pre-revision:

But there’s still something bothering Elīya.  “So, if you weren’t reading Lucifer’s mind… how did you know to get out of there?” Tamar narrows her mouth.  “It sounded big, whatever Lucifer was going to say—but also, it sounded like he was going to say it.  Instead of just running away, like usual.  So, I figured that’s a big deal.”  “What do you mean, like usual…?” Tamar shrugs.  “It’s just, whenever God thinks about Lucifer, I get this sense of little flamey legs running away.” “Flamey… legs.” “Well, yeah, it’s God, so everything’s flamey, that’s just how it is.  The important part here is the legs.  And the running.  That’s a Lucifer thing, running away—“ “What, like you?” For a moment Elīya twitches at her own words, because maybe she’s already broken whatever is almost starting to work again between the two of them, she’s failed, she— Tamar laughs.  “Yeah, like me, I guess.  Though I ran in the exact opposite direction.” And now her sight will always be what it is now.  Elīya shivers; she could never be trapped like that, in a single moment, in a single experience. But it’s Tamar’s right to choose it.  “You’re… still happy with it, right?” Elīya asks.  “The direction you, uh, ran?” “You mean, not having eyes?” “Yeah.  And the rest.  The stuff that… comes with that.”  God, Elīya hopes she’s not screwing up again. Tamar’s smile glows in the light of God’s fire.  “Yeah.  I saw Them, Elīya.  That was me.  I saw Them.  And I might not know everything about myself—and I know what that knowing looks like, I’ve seen God—but that I’m someone who’s done that?  That that’s part of me?  Yeah, I’m pretty solid on that part.” Elīya smiles back, blinking.  That right there is definitely the most genuine thing she’s ever heard Tamar say.

I haaaaaaated eliya's weird nervousness, and especially "trapped in a single moment, in a single experience" which is not only very ableist (lol) and completely antithetical to what tamar's experience in her pov actually shows. but also, it made no sense even to be an intentionally-incorrect eliya-opinion coming after the entire previous chapter, about tamar finally making a concerted effort to actually communicate with eliya an explanation of some things about her interiority and desires, about moving forward and not-knowing yet and wanting to run into more understanding now that she has her self. which i really would have hoped eliya would actually internalize, even if not understand. the deleted stuff indicated she not only didn't internalize any of it, but wilfully misunderstood and over-wrote what tamar said. so really glad that was deleted!!

Post-revision:

“But there’s still something bothering Elīya. “Why did you help me?” Why not let her flounder, why not force her to fail at her ethics— “It’s not like I’m trying, in any moment, to do whatever bothers you most.” Elīya’s jaw tightens. “At the very least I’d have thought you’d be curious. About whatever they were going to say.” “Eh,” Tamar says. “It’s not like I don’t have the rough picture of it already.” “You what?” Has she already been eavesdropping? Of course she has, that’s how her eyes work now, isn’t it— Tamar shrugs. “I mean, I did sit behind Lucifer on a motorcycle the whole way from Eden. But also whenever God thinks about Lucifer, I get this sense of little flamey legs running away.” “Flamey… legs.” “Well, yeah, it’s God, so everything’s flamey, that’s just how it is. The important part here is the legs. And the running. That’s a Lucifer thing, running away—” “What, like you?” For a moment Elīya feels like slapping herself. The principle of fairness means that she shouldn’t allow her personal feelings to make her act so petty. Even if it’s true. But Tamar laughs. “Yeah, like me, I guess. Though I ran in the exact opposite direction.” “You did something sacred and you’re still burning,” says Elīya so clearly and easily she barely intends it. For manifestations cannot be undone. She shivers; it’s Tamar’s right to choose it, but Elīya could never be pierced through like that, for the rest of her life, forever. Tamar takes a sharp breath and turns slightly. “You remember?” “Just now.” What Tamar said about the first Holy she met, in that telephone call she’d thought through a hundred times, for clues. “I’ve been working on Theurgy, actually.” “Yeah, Lucifer told me. Interesting, enough to visit.” Elīya blinks. “But, meeting Lucifer was the—” Thing that was interesting enough for the promise, she doesn’t say, feeling suddenly ridiculous. Tamar snorts. “Sure. Like that was the challenge.” “And you’re… still happy with it, you said. The direction you, uh, ran.” “You mean, not having eyes?” “Yeah. And the rest. The stuff that… comes with that.” Tamar’s smile glows in the light of her price. “Yeah. I saw Them, Elīya. That was me. I saw Them. And I might not know everything about myself—and I know what that knowing looks like, I’ve seen God—but that I’m someone who’s done that? That that’s part of me? Yeah, I’m pretty solid on that part.” Elīya smiles back, blinking. That right there is the most Tamar has ever explained anything.”

This is just sooooooooooooooooo much it is like. wow. SO MUCH.

the reference "you did something sacred and you're still burning" is a reference to the prequel short story, stalking and the glory of god.

One of the things about the pre-revision stars is how it doesn't make any sense how the narrative was trying to force the #Message that the eliya/tamar dynamic was something Fake, unimportant, ephemeral, useless, pursued out of delusion. only for them to be very much living together, wrestling with each other, getting a LOT out of each other, in Lives -- which does make sense from the epilogue of stars, but the stars epilogue, while extremely fitting to the actual things that happened in stars between eliya and tamar, basically belies what the narrative of stars was trying to force -- between the change right above, and the change to eliya and lucifer's last scene together as i elaborated on in part 2, all that narrative forcing and dishonestly is discarded, and the actual self-honesty bursts through and suddenly resonates, through stars to the stars epilogue to Lives.....

Chapter 27:

A line is struck out in here:

Yenatru nods. He sees now, and understands, how this is the person who inadvertently made the world become what it is. Her and Lilith, but she was the start, the first half of why the Covenant was made, why the possibility of things other than God’s Heaven in the future exists at all. She was the very first life that argued for herself.

possibly because it's overly explained and pat lol.

Chapter 28:

Eliya's conversation with Yenatru on the walk down is changed:

Pre-revision:

“So,” she starts.  “Yenatru, I… did overhear some of what you said, what you and Lucifer were talking about.” He frowns a little.  “How much?” “Just what you were saying before Tamar tripped.  Before she asked me to trip her.  I guess she thought it was getting too emotional, and any eavesdropping we were doing—which I guess we kind of were—was crossing some kind of line.  Imagine that, her being more ethical than me.”  Yenatru’s raising his eyebrows.  “Anyway.  I was just… I was wondering.  What did you mean by ‘making your own heaven?’” Yenatru’s blush is immediate, as is him stumbling on a rock.  Thankfully, he regains his footing before actually falling on his face.  “I… I don’t know.  It was just a thought, a thing I said.  I mean, it’s not like I know what’ll happen after Resurrection.  But…” he smiles, or at least Elīya thinks he does; he’s very much not facing her. “Can people make their own heavens, then?” “I don’t know.  But Lucifer seemed to think that we can.” “…Huh.” She doesn’t know what to make of this; making a heaven isn’t something she’d ever considered as a possible post-Resurrection event, and it doesn’t really give her any feelings, not the way the mere word openness does. Not that she’s sure what that means either. But Yenatru sure seems to smile and blush when he thinks of it.

Post-revision:

“So,” she starts. “Yenatru, I… did overhear some of what you said, what you and Lucifer were talking about.” He frowns a little. “How much?” “Just what you were saying before Tamar tripped. Before she asked me to trip her. Because I could tell it was getting too emotional, and any eavesdropping we were doing—which I guess we kind of were—was crossing some kind of line. But I didn’t know what to do about it, and she did. Imagine that, her being more ethical than me.” Yenatru’s raising his eyebrows. “Anyway. So I heard about up until you said you would— make your own heaven. But I was wondering. You made— a new manifestation? Already?” Yenatru’s blush is immediate, as is him stumbling on a rock. Thankfully, he regains his footing before actually falling on his face. “I… I just did. I wanted… am it… and so it, um, was? Because I made it. Not that different than what I’ve done before.” He smiles, or at least Elīya thinks he does; he’s very much not facing her. “I thought that was gradual.” “It… was. But now I— I don’t know. I’ve practiced. I… know more.” She wonders how long it usually takes. If anyone’s ever studied it, tried to map out the data points. If that would tell her anything, be useful in some how-to book the way nothing in the one she read was. “And… I’ve been,” his voice gets very quiet. “Seen, now. Maybe that makes a difference.” Because all the time before, before he had shown— Lucifer, or her? Who was first? Flames, it might have been her. The way he smiled. “I wouldn’t know, yet,” she says, “but maybe it does.”

I think this is mostly Lives-related mapping continuity.

And then!! a change that's very small but makes a HUGE impact, one line added in this scene:

Why are you even asking me, though?” Elīya crosses her arms, frowning. “It is your decision. And you graduate two years from now.” “Well, I thought it’d be good to know now. So if I need to change plans, I have plenty of time, and all that?” She shifts a little on her bed. “And it’s like, what even would be the point of doing something if it ends up hurting people? Like yes, I want to, but if in the process I’m losing you as a friend, maybe seriously hurting you—” Somehow, coming from Hannuša, this sounds ridiculous. Even if it’s—what? What she always wished Tamar had said to her? “Yeah, don’t worry. You’re not Tamar.” “But—” Hannuša starts again. “Seriously.” Elīya hardens her voice as much as possible. “Tamar doesn’t worry about that kind of thing at all. You do. There’s no danger of you becoming her, in any way.”

This small addition (but even moreso, the subtle adding-up of many other small edits over the course of the last several chapters regarding eliya and tamar) turns this whole passage from a weirdly flat dismissal of all the themes of the entire book so far (actually forget about how breaking social contracts to be honest with yourself is crucial evidence that there is More possible in the world, forget about how it's actually fantastic and extraordinarily powerful building and precedent to almost destroy the world to escape a form of suffering your situation in the world is crushing you with -- ACTUALLY what's important is that if you want something powerful, you don't want it TOO badly, that you want it for nice feminine altruistic reasons, and that you put your roommates feelings about over above your own :)))!!!'), into BRILLIANT and juicy foreshadowing of Lives as well as character development for Eliya. The last paragraph turns from a baffling denigration into a backhandeed compliment: "there's no danger of you becoming her" -- is that a compliment to hannusa or just a fucking savage roast? Love it.

Chapter 29:

The main change is that the deeply cringeworthy epigraph is changed to a really darkly ironic and funny one.

Pre-revision:

Eden, nor indeed any of the cities of the Fourteen Rivers have any real conception of autism, which seems a sad oversight; yet, they are understanding enough of personal difference that I have found Edenites quite respectful of my use of my manifested sound-dampening cloak, although perhaps I wouldn’t need to use it so much in the first place if there were more quiet spaces in Eden… —Notes on Eden Traveling, sent to the Askannan Autistics Society by Kallera, Seafarer

Post-revision:

“Thank you for being such a substantial debate partner, a rarity since the dawn of time! The opportunity to frame things through so many bewildering camera apertures (fantastic invention by the way!) from someone with so little patience did more than I want to admit to give me solidity in my own point of view. Now, what exactly did you mean near the end about contamination…? —The Adversary, Fallen; in a letter to Safirah, Holy

sorry 'jewish satan loving debating one of the most jewish characters in the series' is just like the best thing possible. Not to mention 'ha-satan is infinitely more well-adjusted and capable of growth and challenge than you, lucifer' is such an utterly fucking savage burn.

continuity-wise nothing in Askannan in Lives regarding Tesena (or anywhere else for that matter) has a real-world-like conception of autism either, at least not in such terms, which fits this world's history a lot better. autism is a HUGE element of this series imo, but it's very inexplicit and importantly so. not at ALL because 'x magic things are a metaphor for autism' nor because 'autism is a metaphor for x magic thing' but because the social structure and cultural impressing of allism that is disrupted by the internal experience of autism sort of feeds into the way that various internally-experienced states in the series disrupt cultural impressing, much like the way kink is a very informative element of the series but it's important that it's not said as such, because it's neither the sign nor the signified but more like a part of the emotionally communicative passageway.

Chapter 30:

Some alteration to the epigraph!

Pre-revision:

Considering all matters I have already laid out, pure deontology has little value as an ethical system.  Perhaps it would have more merit if all people considered the same things to be good, but as it is, it cannot even begin to account for the simple fact that they do not.  It is as if its proponents have never considered the possibility that the very action that might help one person could harm another.  Truly, such a short-sighted view of ethics has no right to even the slightest modicum of popularity…. —excerpt from Deontology Versus Consequentialism: Consider, Neither, an early-term paper by Elīya Illatu

Post-revision:

“Considering all matters I have already laid out, pure deontology has little value as an ethical system.  Perhaps it would have more merit if all people considered the same things to be good, but as it is, it cannot even begin to account for the simple fact that they do not. Consequentialism seeks to avoid this problem, but still finds itself in the same bind. The commonly cited maxim of its most common form,“the greatest good for the greatest number of people,” still requires a coherent definition of good, and what I propose is that no such thing exists, and indeed the world is richer for it…” —excerpt from Deontology Versus Consequentialism: Consider, Neither, an early-term paper by Elīya Illatu

This is interesting on a few levels, particularly given that it's difficult to figure out, textually, exactly where deontology came from, since the whole premise of the covenant, established nearly 6,000 years ago, is basically an abolishment of the very possibility of the most common definition of deontology. Discussing with a friend who knows philosophy opened me to the fact that some strains of deontology focus on norms rather than authoritative rules, which seems more believable as a source of deontology in this world.

And then, an INCREDIBLE deletion, like THANK FUCK levels of incredible:

Pre-revision:

Or, in another form: smooth. Shining. Without friction. Not a sweet calming embrace like Yenatru.  Not centered in endless certainty like Tamar.  And yet unyielding.  Though she may go around a barrier, though she may shift her opinions and thoughts and change in her goals, she does not stop.

Post-revision:

Or, in another form: smooth. Shining. Without friction. And yet unyielding. Though she may go around a barrier, though she may shift her opinions and thoughts and change in her goals, she does not stop.

I complained MIGHTILY and in great great confusion and distress about this line here LMAO, another one of those statements that are just utterly flat-out wrong but also there's no reason for why the character thinking it would think that or why they would be so wrong.

And finally the line "And if she didn’t understand before why Lucifer wanted her to learn Theurgy, she does now. She’ll have to thank them, again. And—" is completely deleted, which makes sense -- she already thanked them, and she did already understand. And of course it fits the revised version of events better.

#sehhinah #the stars that rise at dawn #sehhinah revisions tag

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

ok guys i'm trying to put the playlist songs in order, here's the tentative order + reasons, lmk what you think!!

(major major spoilers for webtoon readers about the rounds that Tesilid went through before reuniting with Ailette)

(playlist link)

The concept I'm taking w this playlist is for it to mostly follow Tesilid's chronological POV, not Ailette/the reader's.

1. It's You: Pre-regression Tesilid, about Ailette. (tbh i think it also works near the end once the '17th' loop starts, but it lowkey feels a little too cheerful for Tesilid's POV at that point in time?)

I also kind of feel like there needs to be at least one song before It's You, for Tesilid before he first meets Ailette. But it needs to have super specific vibes??? Like, less depressing compared to the later ones, and more petulant and complain-y. The "why am I the only one with these duties..." and being too shy to accept food kind of vibes, the Tesilid doesn't have depression yet kind of vibes. but idk rn I can only think of angsty songs bc [spoiler] grabbed my whole brain.

2. Tell Me: idk i'm putting this song here just according to the vibes. It doesn't feel depressing enough to be late-regression Tesilid.

3. Theatre: Round 85-99 Tesilid (when he manages to save the world) or maybe even slightly before. He wishes he can just be himself and pleads with god, he just wants to stop acting his role. But he hasn't completely given up hope. He is still waiting for 'that someone out there' to hear his voice. The song feels like a cry of help and an expression of what he desperately wants, rather than a requiem or mourning of his old self and dreams. (tbh this can also work for current timeline Tesilid? for when he starts to see hope or a path forward again. This song is a little Too Tesilid it feels like it can fit most points of his very long life)

4. Show Me What I'm Looking For: Round 99 Tesilid, when he visits the Bible of Truth. "Ailette, I'm here... but where are you?" "Show me what i'm looking for" and he gets the truth of the world and. hahaha. he acts accordingly.

5. I am the Strongest: Reed. I used the instrumental instead of the lyric cover in the playlist bc i... don't really like the vocals and i can't find a cover of that cover... sorry. the lyrics really slap and fit perfectly though, 100% recommend going through it too.

Songs 3-5 (Theatre - I am the strongest) need to go in this specific order for maximum impact. It's the expression of what he actually wants > please just throw me a rope, i'll pay any cost, save me from being confused; show me a path and i'll follow it > ok i was shown one (1) path, time to destroy the world so i can no longer be hurt

6. Lower One's Eyes: i'm trusting vnikat on this being reed x Ailette for reasons that are spoilers to me as well. Chronogically it goes here because Ailette exists.

7. Flos: Current timeline Tesilid. Melancholic and tired and defeated and reminiscing about his old hopes and dreams and wondering if he can still have them. (I considered putting it at the front, pre-Theatre, but idk i feel like that pre-85 Tesilid wouldn't be this downtrodden and defeated because he was still diligently working towards what he thought was salvation)

8. 1/6 -out of gravity-: Ailette re-entering the scene and being super ready to do everything she can to relieve Tesilid's pain and burden by even just a little. I think this song really matches the tone of the first 2 seasons of the webtoon.

9. Endless Struggle: Tesilid feeling like he's sinned and that he doesn't deserve kindness, but he's doing his best to repent and become stronger

I think 1/6 out of gravity and Endless Struggle need to go as a pair. It's the juxtaposition of cute anime girl trying to cheer you up followed immediately by the emotional fallout of [spoiler]. I think the tonal change really replicates what we readers feel hahahahaha 🤗🥲

The rest of the songs are, i think, mostly just wishful thinking about what we hope/think the rest of the series might have. The tonal shifts here are more abrupt because they're kind of disjointed guesses.

10. I want to become your god: Not too sure about its inclusion. Saviour complex things. But the lyrics sound a little too hopeless & powerless to fit either Ailette or Tesilid's vibes at the current point of the webnovel translation. Ailette is powerful enough that she has a reasonable chance of saving the world and Tesilid. On the other hand, Tesilid kind of doesn't really care about saving anyone at this point, and I feel like even back when he did, it wasn't really out of a desperate need for self-validation like in this song. But I think this song definitely goes after 1/6 -> Endless Struggle! For maximum devastation.

11. Jiwa yang bersedih: Us coping and hoping that Tesilid will get to hear these words and internalise them lol. Putting this after I want to become your god, because I think even if Ailette can't completely undo all the pain that Tesilid has gone through, she can still soothe his pain in a way that few others can give him. and also eventually solve the whole godless world problem.

12. To Be Me: I'm just coping with the inclusion of this song. I just hope that Tesilid reaches a point where he starts to forgive himself and starts to live because even if it hurts, he genuinely believes that there's light at the end of the tunnel and that he can finally breathe and live as himself and discover himself so long as he keeps actively choosing to live. Anyway the lyrics for this song are beautiful and I think you guys should also listen to it even as a not-Tesilid song. Lines like "going forward, going forward, going forward but going back again" read completely different and hit really hard when it's about someone with a normal mortal lifespan and not a regressor doing introspection lol.

tldr; Feels like there's a missing song for pre-regression Tesilid's frustrations

i'll probably create another post for the final order to be put on my pinned post, and which is spoiler free so that any webtoon reader that comes across my blog or playlist can read it too

#a transmigrator's privilege #s-class heroine spoilers #mash potato

[reidsaurora]

Part Twelve: "Years Of Hoping" ~ S. Reid

Summary: After years of hoping, Spencer might finally receive his chance to reunite with Imogen.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Imogen Sterren (bipolar!OC)

Word Count: 1,714

Content Warning: DARK THEMES (this fic discusses Spencer having been m0lested as a child, PLEASE continue at your own risk), explicit language, mentions of medications, mentions of mental health facilities, mentions of food, minor character death but not really, tiny mention of alcohol, let me know if i missed anything!

Genre: Angst, really just a ton of angst

Extra Notes: nothing i can think of at the moment!!

Based On the Song: Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift

Originally Written: 01/08/2023 through 01/21/2023 (re-edited on 05/14/2023)

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

"Soon You'll Get Better" series masterlist can be found here!

"𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥. 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠." - 𝐏𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐨 𝐂𝐨𝐞𝐥𝐡𝐨

Spencer paced anxiously around the meeting room of the Atlantic City Police Department's precinct. His chest heaved, his heart thumping with so much rage that he wasn't quite sure he wouldn't punch Arthur Malcolm in the face when he arrived at New Lives Mental Health Facility.

He stayed silent as Hotch directed each team member with new instructions to find this unsub, now known as Samantha Malcolm.

Finally, after the raven-haired man had finished his instructions, Spencer spoke up for what felt like the first time in the whole afternoon. "I wanna go to New Lives. Whether or not she's there, I wanna talk to the father. There are literally hundreds of therapies to help kids through loss. Electroshock is not one of them."

Though no one could see it, Penelope's brows knitted together with worry on the other end of the phone. "Hey, Reid. Before you go, there's something I need to talk to you about. Well, actually there's something I need to show you through Derek's laptop, if he doesn't mind sharing of course."

Derek smirked. "You know how good I am at minding my manners, mama."

"Garcia, can it wait? I mean, we're kind of on a time crunch here," Spencer said, nearly in a grumble.

She swallowed hard and nervously. "I think you're gonna want to see this now." Spencer knew by her tone of voice that she was on the brink of tears.

Spencer snatched the computer up and rushed to take his phone off speakerphone mode as he strutted out of the room. He nearly slammed the door behind him as he finally found an empty room. "What is the matter, Penelope?"

Her heart panged as she considered the information she was about to give him. "OK, first of all, I know you're upset over this case. I know that it brings up past feelings about your father and the things that happened to you as a kid. So, please, if you need to sit the rest of this case out, just tell me and I will let Hotch know."

By the time she'd finished her spiel, they both felt silent cries leaving their bodies. He lifted a thumb to his cheek, forcefully wiping away a tear that managed to escape. "I'm fine, Penelope," he said, his words possessing as much bite as a fresh lemon. "It's just been… it's been a long day, OK?"

"Spencer, you're not fine. This man-"

"Is horrible and vile, just like my own father," he provided. "He's not the first pedophile we've dealt with and he won't be the last. I'm going to be fine. Really."

She nodded as if he could see her. She spoke again, forcing herself to swallow the hockey puck sized lump in her throat. "I also know it's the three-year anniversary of you meeting Imogen and I know that's part of the reason why you're upset today."

Imogen: a name he hadn't heard but a handful of times in the past three years since they'd spoken last.

"Penelope, what does that have to do with-"

She stopped him. "That's why I need you to look at the computer."

Spencer placed the computer on the table, watching as Penelope clicked through her slides, even from almost two hundred miles away. No matter how much time passed and no matter how much technology continued to progress, Spencer would never be convinced that the blonde on the other side of the screen was anything short of a wizard.

Finally, after clicking through a couple different slides, she spoke again. "OK, what's on the next one might be a little triggering so I'm going to need you to sit down."

"Penelope, I'm not-"

"Spence, please," she said, her voice as soft as a baby lamb. "Please just sit down. For me."

Reluctantly, he sat in the lone desk chair, grasping the armrests hard as it nearly slid it out from underneath him. However, what was on the next slide was enough to make Spencer fall out of the chair, no matter how hard he gripped the armrests.

"Are you alright?" Penelope panicked, having heard Spencer's tussle with the office chair.

"Yeah, I'm…" His tongue went nearly numb as he pulled himself up from the floor. "Imogen is at New Lives?"

Penelope stayed quiet for a moment. She knew no matter how she said her next sentence, she'd be in deep shit with Spencer. So, she went with the band-aid method, ripping it off as quickly as possible. "Spencer, there's… well, do you remember when I told you I knew about Imogen from a tech analyst's perspective?"

His teeth gritted together so hard, Penelope wasn't so sure she wouldn't hear them come out his nose. "Garcia, what did you do?"

"Nothing! I just maybe withheld important information that you probably want to know. But the only reason I didn't say anything was because I thought Imogen should be the one to tell you."

Spencer stayed quiet as Penelope switched to the next page. His tongue went numb once again, his mind in an almost matching state. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe. The only one of his senses that hadn't left was seeing, which he wasn't sure was a good thing when Imogen's file popped open on the computer screen.

"August…" he managed to get out, his airway feeling as tight as the time he'd had an allergic reaction to shrimp. "August is her son?"

"Her sister Astrid's had custody of him since his fourth birthday, right before Imogen was admitted to Bennington."

"Who's the…" He couldn't even get the words out.

Penelope took a deep breath. "His name was Drew. He left as soon as August was born. Apparently he was seeing another girl behind Imogen's back during her pregnancy."

Spencer could feel his peanut butter and jelly sandwich from lunch rising in his stomach. His cheeks were on fire with something close to boiling rage. "If I ever get my hands on him-"

"Not unless you wanna go six feet under for him," she stopped him. "As it turns out, karma's a bitch. He and the girl got super drunk one night and crashed. Almost killed a little girl the same age as August."

It was all so much for Spencer at one time. The new information. The old feelings. His hand started to flail, something it hadn't done in years, not since he'd vowed off stimming. "You look ridiculous, and it's not helping anymore anyway," he'd told himself. The same day he'd decided to stop concerning himself with Imogen. The same day he'd had his last bad panic attack—one that made him pass out on the way to Penelope's office.

He crawled out of his thoughts, swallowing hard in hopes of eliminating the tears coming up in his throat. "Pen, why did you tell me all of this?"

"You know how the unsub, Samantha, lives at one of her father's halfway houses?"

Spencer nodded as if the blonde could see him. When she didn't say anything, he managed to mumble, "Uh-huh."

"Imogen's living in one of his houses too. The one next door to Samantha's."

The room stayed silent, save for Spencer's heavy breathing and Penelope's on the other end of the phone. His face felt numb yet heavy, like if he didn't know what was happening, he would assume he was having a stroke.

He continued reading through her file silently. He read that her birthday was January the twenty-second, just a mere week after he'd received her last letter. He read that she was born 1982, just a mere three months after he was born. He read that she gave birth to August in 2002. Finally, he read her latest progress report from her new doctor.

After six months on her newest medication, Pristiq (Desvenlafaxine), Imogen is showing many improvements. Her depressive episodes show much milder symptoms than those she experienced when she first transferred to New Lives in 2007. I am going to consult my colleagues and ask their opinions first, but I am thinking of allowing her visiting time with her son.

Spencer's eyes darted down to the clock on the bottom-right corner of the screen, and realized he'd been reading for about three minutes. Three minutes filled with silence thick enough to cut with a knife.

He swallowed the last of his tears and spoke again. "I have to go, Pen. The case…"

She sniffled, clearly having cried during the moment of silence. "Yeah," she mumbled, sniffling once more, "Of course. Be careful out there."

Spencer hated confrontation, but he knew there was something obviously upsetting Penelope, so instead of hanging up and ignoring it for his own sake, he asked, "Is everything alright, Penny?" for his best friend's sake.

"Well, you know how I read all those romance novels. What if this is your second chance romance?"

He pondered her question for a beat, but stayed silent. To be fair, he wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to respond anyway.

"I've read through her file, Spencer. She's slowly getting better but what if you're that one last boost she needs? I mean, her doctor even said in his notes that he might let August come stay with her soon to see how she does. What if you're what she needs to help her through that?"

His hands shook like his life depended on it. On one hand, maybe she was right. Maybe he could help her through it. Maybe this was the chance he'd prayed for all those years ago, when he'd decided to let her go in hopes of getting her back one day.

But on the other hand, maybe she wouldn't want him. Maybe the sight of him at her doorstep would set her off all over again. After all, the last thing he'd ever heard when visiting Bennington was "You started this. She didn't act this way until she met you."

Maybe it was times like these when desperate people found faith. He knew he'd never get what Imogen went through, but he knew there wasn't a day that went by where he hadn't tried to understand. Not once in the entire three years he'd been hoping for their reunion.

Maybe with Spencer's help, Imogen could get better soon.

"𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥." - 𝐔𝐧𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧

So... this was supposed to be posted three months ago...

I know, I know. There's no way I can make that up to you guys. I wish I had a better explanation, but the honest truth is that I had no one to beta read these last few chapters and in my head, they weren't good enough for you guys without it. So, here I am, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and giving you the real, raw, unpolished product.

And hey, what better way to end this? Three chapters, posted at 3:33 pm on a Sunday. 💖

-> taglist: @lowsodiumfreaks67 @drayshadow @alexxavicry @nomajdetective @kbakery @leigh70 @darkloverfox @sammyrenae68 @cherrycandle @asgardprincess97 @gh0stgurl @esposadomd @randomwriter1021 @eddieharrington @lunar-affection @givemeth @lavhoes @rhyanishere @cat-lockwood @danielle143 @marsmallow433 @handsupforamiracle @topguncultleader @mente-sindescanso @reverieofmgg @spencer-reids-adventures @ah-blossom @encyclo-reid-ia @reidselle @thevisionthedream @dungeons-are-too-cold @wwwonzeee @louderfortheback @reidsbookclub @annahalstead5021 @cwritesforfun @soapiebear @maelartasch @buckyyyismahhlife @cynbx @hellooitsrose @rexorangecouny @lcvingprentjss

☆𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒☆

#spencer reid #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid imagines #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid series #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds series #criminal minds angst #criminal minds fluff #imagine #imagines #fanfic #fanfiction #angst #fluff #inspired by a song #taylor swift #soon you'll get better series #reidsaurora

[yanderes-galore]

Well, time for my autistic hyperfixation skills to shine! Here's your cheat-sheet for what Halo EU media to skip to for the good parts (aka aliens):

Since you've already read The Cole Protocol, Envoy is a rlly good skipping point. Besides the greatness that is Rojka 'Kasaan, and it having a pretty notable Jiralhanae villain, it's also written by the same author and follows up on the Gray Team storyline introduced in the former book.

Hunters in the Dark also makes the top of my list for fleshing out the Halo 3 co-op characters N'tho 'Sraom and Usze 'Taham and giving us nice cross-species positive interactions. Also can't forget Broken Circle, as it's all Sangheili and San'Shyuum in the story, no humans for once. It's split between two timelines: the era of the Covenant's founding and the time of Halo 2.

The Ferrets series of books (Last Light, Retribution, and Divine Wind so far) features the reoccurring antagonistic faction the Keepers of the One Truth lead by the Jiralhanae named Castor. The Master Chief series also features Fleetmaster Nizat 'Kvarosee in the first two books (Silent Storm and Oblivion) and the Keepers in Shadows of Reach; haven't read them yet but I heard good things about Nizat so far and he seems to be one of the more unique in the lore, being kinda older than most Sangheili we've seen so far. Also can't forget the Halo CE novelization, The Flood, which featured the first portrayal of Covenant perspectives in canon I believe (and therefore some of the lore and characterization there is a bit off in comparison to the rest of the books, but it's fine). Zuka 'Zamamee and Yayap are a real treat in that one, even if the tone of their sections are a bit sillier than most (from my impression so far, haven't finished the book yet actually).

And I kind of have to include the Kilo-Five trilogy, although with the fair warning that they're a bit divisive amongst the fandom. You're either gonna like them or despise them. I think a majority people, regardless of how they feel about the trilogy as a whole, did find the alien sections fine though. If I had to re-read them again I'd probably skip to just those chapters. Jul 'Mdama is a prominent character in the first two books (Glasslands and The Thursday War), with his wife Raia 'Mdama having more of a spotlight in the second, but then the whole 'Mdama plotline wraps up and gets replaced by Kig-Yar Chol 'Von in Mortal Dictata (although she's a good character on her own and it's unfortunate her story never got picked up by other authors after the trilogy ended). Other notable aliens in the trilogy include Forze 'Mdama, Avu Med 'Telcam, Sav Fel, and probably the most concentration of named Huragoks in a Halo storyline ever. Thel also makes some appearances here too.

Speaking of the 'Mdamas tho; I haven't gotten to it yet but Legacy of Onyx does feature Jul and Raia's sons as major players post-Halo 5, plus I believe there is a Sangheili teacher character and maybe some rare alien kid characters. Ohhhh and I can't believe I almost forgot, but upcoming book Outcasts is gonna feature Thel as a main character again! Been waiting for it but it got delayed, we should finally be getting it in August tho. You may want to read the Master Chief books first tho since it looks like some lore introduced there will be featured here too, especially since it's the same author Troy Dennings.

Finally to round out the recs are the anthologies. I'd go for Fractures before Evolutions, as the former has Shadow of Intent with Rtas, Tul 'Juran, Vul 'Soran, Stolt, and Tem'Bhetek and Oasis with Jat (who existed for maybe a dozen pages but has captured my heart for years). Latter still has Henry (human nickname, we never learned his real name because of language barrier) in The Mona Lisa, some named Jiralhanae in Stomping on the Heels of a Fuss (which I forgot about so idk if it's because it's been years or if they did not have much of a role), and an unnamed Sangheili shipmaster who's the focus of The Return. The Return & The Mona Lisa also got "animated" adaptations in the form of voice-acted motion comics you can find on YouTube.

Those are all books but maybe I might as well throw in the comics. Obviously there's the Rise of Atriox miniseries. Also not as well known but there was a small prequel comic for the first Halo Wars which features Ripa 'Moramee's origin story; I got the physical copy as part of my game copy, idk if there's a way to access it digitally. The Halo Graphic Novel includes the famous Halo story The Last Voyage of the Infinite Succor feat Rtas 'Vadum and Thel in his Fleetmaster era. Haven't read it but Blood Lines has two Sangheili brothers as major antagonists. Tales From Slipspace has Atriox in Hunting Party and Avu Med 'Telcam in Knight Takes Bishop. Finally one of the more well known comics, Escalation has a few points of interest (note I haven't read all of 'em yet and going off Halopedia for this): Thel in Issues 1-3 + Jiralhanae Lydus, Jul 'Mdama and Sali 'Nyon in the Janus Key arc (Issues 13-16) and Absolute Record arc (Issues 19-24), and Ayit 'Sevi in Absolute Record arc.

And what the heck. let's get obscure: The Halo Wars Official Strategy Guide published by Prima Publishing includes some flash fiction featuring Ripa 'Moramee and The Prophet of Regret, because sometimes crumbs is all ya get. Halo: Legends - aka the official Halo anime - also has The Duel which shows an ancient Arbiter and why the title is considered dishonorable in modern Halo times.

Oh and... I guess there's the Forerunner trilogy, for like, Forerunners... tbh tho they're basically bootleggish humans to me, I rank them the lowest out of all the Halo aliens and don't really consider them most of the time when hyper-focusing on Halo aliens.

Gonna read this later

#panther ideas for later

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Alright, sorry for the impromptu break but I just haven't had the time with other life stressors. This is something that sat around in my drafts for a long time. So...when I point at certain things that I argue suggest Kiku might have hidden potential, some people think it just sounds like a huge reach. That Oda would never do something like this, it's a twist where you may be able to see my logic and even agree but it doesn't fit Oda's style. I'd counter simply, nihil novi sub Nika. Which Fallout: New Vegas taught me is Latin for "Aren't I soooo smart for being a Roman history buff?" Talk about Caesars I wish would just die.

Nah seriously, it means "Nothing new under the Sun" except I slipped in Nika, same as a Bible verse you've likely heard through osmosis. My Dad loved it and he's not religious at all. But my point is...am I really saying much beyond what's already in the series? I think Usopp's recruitment dynamic is easy to forget but it like all the rest was unique. It made it really cool to re-read Syrup Village with Wano in my mind, because you kinda forget Usopp actually got some of these weirder aspects.

Mainly what I mean here is Luffy meets both Usopp & Kiku after already having a prior bond with a relative. I want to point out Luffy's tone with knowing Yasopp. He never says he wants Usopp because of that, he doesn't blurt it out immediately, but it's a point that shows there actually is a thought process under that vacant stare. He noticed it. We've already pointed out how Izo was well set to be more memorable than Pineapple from Luffy's POV so remember from Yasopp the established norm would be him waiting until the right casual moment to talk about it.

Then you have the finale. I've mentioned this already but what if Usopp was a little more socially astute? We, the readers, feel like an invitation needs some kind of gravity to it. It doesn't. Brook's was a much faster decision than if Luffy made up his mind in Bakura Town. Franky had to be cajoled away. A quiet conversation together towards the end is actually a bit of a trend instead. The opportunity to do that exists in the story and Kiku's has been told like this plenty of times before. It just felt relevant to mention at some point that very little of what I've suggested for her exists without precedent in the series. There was no flash, all substance with Usopp' as well. The bond was unspoken, but obvious. For Kiku, the only difference is there was a big spectacle she had a minor role in first.

#one piece #okiku #usopp

[xbuster]

Pardon me if this is jumping the gun and you planned to do this after your cutie honey viewing, but what's your general opinion/take on the tone of the series as a whole? I've heard a lot of mixed stuff, ranging from it being sexual in a tasteless and often concerning way to it being a fun, cute erotica series. From your gifs especially a-go-go it's making me want to watch it and to me itooks like a fun time, but I wanted a little insight form someone who's viewed the series a whole and recently too

Well, I haven't viewed the series as a whole yet since I haven't finished the original anime (though I'm around halfway through so my opinion on it is pretty decided), Flash (and it's movie), or The Live, (and a couple manga like the seemingly unimportant sequel written by Go Nagai and some spin-offs) but my opinion on the franchise from all that I've seen has been all over the place and I simultaneously loathe and love it. This is because that both of what you've heard about it is right. It is tasteless and gross and it is cute ecchi (I can't say it ever really becomes erotica but Re: Cutie Honey got very close). It really depends on what you read and watch. I'll tell you my opinion on each entry of the Cutie Honey franchise I've consumed so far and whether I think it's worth checking out.

Go Nagai's original Cutie Honey manga: This is where it all started. It's also the worst part of Cutie Honey and it's not even close. My opinion of Go Nagai is very low. Of his big hits, I've read Cutie Honey and Devilman, but I've also read a few of his other works and of all of them, I've only enjoyed Devilman (I am planning on reading Mazinger Z eventually too though). The rest is all atrocious. Go Nagai is a terrible mangaka. It's actually amazing that I really loved Devilman because I had bought Cutie Honey thinking that I would love a magical girl manga written by the man who could create something as unique an experience as Devilman and it ended up being one of the worst things I've read. Almost all the fan service comes from sexually assaulting Honey, it's very uncomfortable to read. The plot isn't very interesting until like halfway through volume 2, but by that point the story is already almost over. There's a reason it was cancelled. No, it's not worth reading, but unfortunately it did shape how most Cutie Honey adaptations were structured so reading it does set you up to understand the many references the other manga and anime will make to it. It's up to you if you want to actually read that, but it's only 2 volumes long so it's a quick read at least.

The first Cutie Honey anime from 1973: This is what made Cutie Honey into an icon. It ignored almost everything from the manga to make it into something enjoyable, mostly just borrowing characters, enemies, and abilities from the manga while focusing on making an enjoyable monster of the week show. Fan service is often, but fairly light, so it's not as uncomfortable as it was in the manga. Honey actually has a personality in the anime. In the manga, she was kind of incompetent and whiny with nothing really interesting about her. In the anime, she's witty, funny, and really skilled at dealing with her enemies. This means she's fun to watch when she's posing as a civilian because she'll charm you with her personality and she's fun to watch as a fighter because the action scenes are well composed and she has many ways to fight Panther Claw. The manga didn't feel like it took advantage of her ability to transform at all, despite that being her main draw. The anime introduces a ton of different forms, with new ones being introduced each episode. The first episode introduced her main 5 forms outside of her identity as Honey Kisaragi and Cutie Honey and has a fight scene with every single transformation. This was a great way of showcasing her abilities as a fighter. It was honestly really impressive. This anime is a must-watch, it lays the foundation for what other good adaptations would borrow from.

Hideaki Anno's live action Cutie Honey movie: This was the first thing I had seen with the name Cutie Honey on it that I actually enjoyed. Its relationship to previous versions of Cutie Honey is thin, really just using the general idea of the character of Cutie Honey and the names of some other characters from the manga. The roles these characters fill are almost completely different from their original incarnations except for maybe on or two surface level similarities. This actually works in its favor because of how bad the original manga was. Anno's vision is fresh and the plot is engaging. It has some problems, like Honey's characterization not being very good, and some of the lighter moments being a bit boring, but whenever Panther Claw appears it becomes very fun with really unique fight choreography and special effects you could only see from a team that worked on Gainax anime. There's some fan service, but it wasn't as ecchi as the manga and anime. It's not a must-watch, but it is worth your time and serves as the groundwork for the next two entries.

Cutie Honey a Go Go!: This manga is very loosely based on the screenplay for Hideaki Anno's movie. There are common elements that both share, but it's ultimately a very original story when compared to the movie. It's also pretty fun. It's a lot more focused on the character of Natsuko Aki, with Honey not even being involved much until a few chapters in. It's a fresh idea to follow a character who isn't Honey, but I really like how Honey was portrayed in this manga and while I did like Natsuko, I still probably would have preferred to see more of Honey. But like Go Nagai's original, this manga was sadly cancelled with volume 2 and ends on a cliffhanger reminiscent of the original. It's a fun read, but you won't get a complete story. The art breathes new life into Honey and while I wished there was more, I still enjoyed my time with it. It was also the closest to being as ecchi as the original manga, but it's actually fun with it and it never made me uncomfortable to see Honey suddenly get naked.

Re: Cutie Honey: This is the horniest Cutie Honey anime I have seen and it's amazing for it. Gainax knew how to do fan service and since this was an OVA and not a TV anime, they were allowed to go all out with it. Instead of feeling like Honey was constantly getting assaulted, the scenes where her clothes are shredded or characters are suddenly naked feels more playful, and at times erotic (especially episode 2 when she has an intimate moment with a certain character). This anime is very clearly based off Hideaki Anno's movie. Like all the characters from the movie appear in the OVA, they have similar roles and similar design philosophies, but most of their characterization and arcs are different and that helps elevate it over the movie. Honey isn't as naive and annoying, she's more like the Honey from the original anime. Witty and funny, playful and sexy. She's a competent fighter and fun to watch in any situation. It's not at all like Nagai's original vision and that's what makes it so good. Definitely a must-watch.

Cutie Honey Universe: Probably the most disappointing entry on this list. It's started off interesting. It looked to be the closest adaptation of Nagai's manga while distancing itself from the main elements of what made the manga so bad. It was a TV anime, so it wasn't very explicit, but the Blu-ray release uncensored it. But it still wasn't on the level of ecchi you would see in Re or even a Go Go. Unfortunately, it was still trying to somewhat adapt Nagai's manga and that really held it back when Universe would decide to recreate scenes from the manga. While they weren't as bad as the original, these scenes still weren't very good most of the time. The characters of Junpei and Danbei were dialed back in the 1973 anime, but they're far more annoying in this. Even the original parts of the plot (of which there are a LOT) weren't good. Like at all. By the midpoint I had gotten so bored that I put it on hold for half a year and when I got back to watching it, it was just bad. It was not a good anime and I wouldn't recommend it unless you really just want to watch everything Cutie Honey. The character designs were so 2010's anime with barely any originality, it would get really bright sometimes and wash out the details in the art for no reason, and most of the actual animation wasn't very good. And not in a charming way like the 1973 anime. I don't know, there were some things I liked but they would usually go to waste. It was just really disappointing because I think there was potential. It was also the only series to not use the iconic theme song.

tl;dr definitely watch 1973 and Re: Cute Honey, they're fantastic. Watch the Anno movie before Re if you want to see what Re borrows from it, but you don't need to. Read a Go Go if you like any of the three I just mentioned because it's also fun. If you really want to know what Cutie Honey was intended to be, read the original manga first, but definitely avoid it if you don't care. Universe isn't as bad as the original manga, but it's also not really worth watching for any reason besides just wanting to watch all Cutie Honey anime because it was honestly pretty boring.

Hope that helps!

#i didn't proofread this so i hope this didn't sound like nonsense

[dokidokitsuna]

Spoiler-Free Review of RWBY: IQ (in its entirety)!

Overall Grade (and I say this with as much love in my heart as I can possibly muster): D And if you disregard the parts of the series that were obvious, blatant time-wasters whose only value was to maybe give some of the poor animators a chance to sleep, I might consider raising the grade to a C-. But no higher.

I...don’t know what I can say about the myriad issues that’s actually spoiler-free (maybe I’ll do an actual spoiler-full review sometime later on)...let’s just say that IQ is one of those series where each episode/story beat works best in isolation. Kind of like RWBY proper. Even the last episode, which was the best one IMO, feels lacking when you start to think about the rest of the series that led up to it...like, I’m happy we got some good and cute character conclusions, but did the story we just experienced actually contribute to those conclusions...? It feels like the ending to a completely different anime, to be honest...one that covered the same topics, maybe, but had a lighter tone and more impactful character moments. Unlike the one we got...

Props to the voice actors for doing their best with what they were given, though. I saw no issues on that front; everyone did a stellar job 👍

God, the animation is worth an essay all by itself (and not a positive one)...uh, I will say that the last episode was the best on that front too, to the point where I finally understood the value in that split-screen mechanic they’ve been doing all series long. When it just shows characters standing stock-still and lip-flapping from different angles, it feels pointless and disorienting...but when they use it to show character reactions and other things happening in the scene besides the conversation we’re focusing on (y’know, entertaining stuff), it actually feels cute and stylish. I wish it had been used that well throughout...

It has to be said: poor Shion. :[ I think if you’re gonna put in a new character like that, the least you can do is commit: give them actual interactions with the other characters and make their dialogue unique, so it feels like they’re really part of the world. As it is, Shion didn’t do anything that Ozpin or a special machine couldn’t also have done in their place, and I think it’s such a waste. We finally got to see them talk like a human and not a plot device in the last episode (do you see a pattern here?) and I wish we could have gotten more of that...

So, the Blu-Ray re-release...it goes without saying at this point that such a thing (if they even decide to make one) cannot save this show. ^^; Not unless they intend to spend 2 years on it... If they do make one, though, my suggestions would be as follows:

Animate an actual anime OP. Please, for the love of god...I don’t know why this wasn’t a priority (the slideshow we ended up with was very well-done, though. Credit where credit is due). Call me crazy, but I would have been satisfied with JUST that: Studio SHAFT animates a cool RWBY anime OP with a banger song by VoidChords; that would have been a cool thing to have in and of itself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Wouldn’t it?

Don’t bother trying to fix the ugly animation (seriously, there’s too much) just cut it out. Remove all the unnecessary scenes and reformat the series into an approximation of the anime movie it should have been. This alone would probably improve the pacing and story progression by leaps and bounds...

...That’s it. Any further effort should be spent on polishing whatever’s left. And to be honest, even THAT wouldn’t necessarily result in an A-level story, because what’s left just wasn’t good enough. Whatever went wrong in the planning of this anime went wrong very early on; it’d be more worthwhile to start over than to try to fix it with editing...

Do I want a Season 2...? No, thank you. ^^;;;; I don’t even know what they would do with a Season 2...maybe introduce a different psychoactive Grimm and put JNPR/Pyrrha in the spotlight between Vol 2 and 3...? Ideally, I’d like to see that, but if it’s gonna be a repeat of ‘spend the whole budget on recap scenes and power the actual story with crunch alone’ then I’m good, thanks.

And to be honest, if my conspiracy theory was even remotely true and SHAFT didn’t know what they were getting into by working with RT, I DEFINITELY do not want a Season 2. A good chunk of IQ was frankly embarrassing to watch and it makes SHAFT look bad. They should save their talents for better productions instead of further tarnishing their reputation. :/

#rwby #RWBY Ice Queendom

[phoenixfeathersinfall]

I don’t mean to be overly negative, and I certainly don’t want to ruin anyone’s enjoyment of the new Trek trailers/future content. But, I’m having some complicated feelings about Picard’s last season and I kind of need to get them out. (I hope I’m not the only one with apprehension?) To be clear, I will be engaging with Season 3 in some capacity, and there are several things about the show I’ve very much enjoyed. But, I really don’t see how they can stick this landing given the situation they’ve gotten themselves into.

Most of my concerns revolve around the Great Cast Reshuffle. The rest stem from the tone/themes of the trailer itself. (Analysis under a read more because this got way longer than I planned.)

The Great Cast Reshuffle

Soji, Elnor, Rios, and Agnes are gone, leaving behind only Picard, Seven, and Raffi. Raffi is the only new character introduced specifically for this series/not a “legacy character.” I’m all for seeing old favorites (God knows I primarily started following the series for Seven) but not at the cost of new characters and stories. I think, despite its tonal and plot issues, Picard had a very strong cast of characters who many people connected with/related to and wanted to see them carry this show through to the end, becoming part of a rising generation of Trek (the Trek renaissance if you will?) One of the most compelling aspects for me personally was that all of these characters were a little broken/had endured a lot of trauma, but they were all dealing with it in different ways and learning to find solace in each other. They weren’t the conventional Starfleet crew, but that something which made them interesting! And to toss out over half of them going into the last season? We’re at the finish line! Absolutely terrible timing. These characters and the actors which dedicated so much time and effort to bringing them to life for us deserved better than that.

Everyone was replaced with the old crew from The Next Generation. Again, it’s always nice to see old friends, but they need to be balanced with the new characters and shouldn’t completely take over the story. TNG has never been my favorite series (full disclosure: I prefer Deep Space Nine and Voyager,) so I don’t quite share the excitement of the avid fans at this development. Even laying that aside, this is not the cast that was promoted and promised for the series. We know Patrick Stewart was clear coming into the role that he didn’t want to re-hash or expand upon anything from TNG era because he felt those stories had already been told and concluded. (They have!) But now he’s helming what many have called “TNG 2.0.”

But! Legacy characters aren’t safe! This might be more important to me than it is to other people, but it strikes me as weird that all of the XBs aside from Seven (Hugh and Icheb) were killed off for shock value, both in especially brutal ways. These were the only people in the galaxy that were like Seven and could understand her. Hugh was trying to change all that, but the writing said “no.” Color me upset.

If we’re doing legacy characters, where is Seven’s family? Why has every single reference to them been colored by trauma or pain? Why has Seven been abandoned again? Rangers are secretive as part of the job, sure, but you can’t tell me she didn’t need support after she came back to a planet she’d never really known as a visibly “enemy other,” Starfleet rejected her, Bjayzl betrayed her, and Icheb died in her arms. You can’t tell me the crew just..doesn’t care how Seven is doing.

A lot of the TNG crew have already had their turns to play a part in the story. To date, with what’s aired so far, we’ve had appearances from Data, Will Riker, Deanna Troi, Hugh, Guinan, Q, and Wesley Crusher. Jean-Luc Picard is, of course, heading the whole thing, it’s his show. Heck, that means the only characters we haven’t seen are Beverly Crusher, Geordi Laforge, and Worf.

As many people smarter than me have pointed out, the new situation means that the optics of the third season in terms of diversity are…less than stellar. If we consider the group we saw at the conclusion of the first season to be the “main crew” (Jean-Luc Picard, Cristobal Rios, Agnes Jurati, Raffi Musiker, Soji Asha, Seven of Nine, and Elnor) Picard began the year with a cast of three white actors and four actors of color. Michelle Hurd (Raffi) is Black, Isa Briones (Soji) is mixed-race Filipina, Evan Evagora (Elnor) is Māori, and Santiago Cabrera (Rios) is Hispanic (Chilean.) Three of those actors have departed, leaving only Hurd. This was presumably to make room for six of the TNG cast, four of whom are white actors and two of whom are actors of color. Lavar Burton (Geordi Laforge) and Michael Dorn (Worf) are both Black. Voyager, which began airing over twenty-five years ago performs better here, with four characters of color, each of a different background. This is particularly troublesome given the Trek renaissance eagerness to reflect greater diversity (and market itself as such.)

This is again a matter of personal taste, and something the show has had a problem with from the beginning, but of a cast of eight characters, only two are non-human*, and one of them is hybrid who looks completely human. It’s….just not Star Trek if it’s all humans, folks. Where’s the cross-cultural explorations? Where’s the commentary? Where’s the reminder that this is a sci-fi in outer space in a very big, very diverse galaxy?

Tones and Themes

Another problem since the beginning, Picard has problems figuring out what its tone wants to be, and to some extent what its themes are/if they’re congruent with the history of the franchise. Historically, Star Trek is often whacky to the point of silliness, philosophical to the point of over-dramatic, and optimistic to the point of being campy/cheesy. And that’s good! Bad things happen, but we have fun along the way, and we trust that things will turn out well in the end. Picard falls into the “good show= quote on quote realistic show=gritty grimdark high stakes show” trend when it isn’t careful. Newer Treks on the whole seem to have this habit, from elements of the reboot films to the plots in Discovery to the “Section 31 show” in pre-production right now. It’s not isolated to Trek either; it’s spread like a virus across so many forms or media over the past several years. Even so, it feels particularly odd in Trek, given the general trends in the franchise, and harsher critics say it “doesn’t feel like Star Trek.” I think what they mean is that Picard (and its brethren) seems to take itself too seriously: we’re lacking the whimsy we’ve come to expect, so little time is afforded from the overarching plot that we don’t see as much on-screen relationship development as before, and almost nothing funny happens aside from the occasional sarcastic quip. There’s no release of tension between major plot beats, leaving viewers stressed and drained by a constant push forward to the high-stakes climax with ever-more hardship poured onto the pile. There’s no room to breathe. Where’s the fun, where’s the wonder, where’s the hope? For God’s sake the event that kicks everything off is the destruction of a planet and the deaths of millions of people while the Federation stood by and let it happen.

The tone shifts —sometimes dramatically—between seasons, between episodes, and even within episodes. The plots and subplots also don’t gel together well (maybe it’s all those cutaways? It’s rare that we can finish one segment of a given plot before we cut away to three more.) Irs emotional whiplash, and I’m dizzy just on a visual level.

This may be a case of just playing up the intrigue to pull people in, but the trailer itself doesn’t give a lot of reasons to hope things might lighten up? Everyone looks sad or grim. People are talking about sacrifice, hardship, and injustice. Picard says we’re never without hope but uh…he sure doesn’t look it.

Even more people smarter than me have pointed out that Raffi’s “You have no idea how hard it is to be in this world” is particularly gut-wrenching, and she’s been through quite enough already between the loss of her career, her falling out with Picard, her addiction, her estrangement from her family and subsequent fears of being abandoned/alone and unloved. Then she spent almost the entirety of season 2 mourning the death of Elnor, a surrogate son by all appearances, and believing it was her fault because she convinced him not to go back to Romulus when he was having doubts about the future. There was also quite a bit of discord between her and Seven in the middle, which resolved happily in the end, but still. Seven got re-assimilated and almost died first. Given Trek’s track record of giving the harshest stories to minority characters, especially POC (and how wider media in general shows the same problem,) it’s no wonder there’s speculation about “trauma porn.” Its not like we got enough of that in season 2. Yes we did, writers please stop this ride .

I must return to my dear Seven. So season 2 showed Seven was rejected by Starfleet for her Borgness and subsequently fell out with Janeway. It brought her to a timeline where she was the leader of a totalitarian regime, brought her face to face with a Borg Queen who remembered her, took away her Borg physiology and by extension some of her sense of self (she seemed happy but I was not), murdered one of the first people to show her kindness in years, put her at odds with her partner, gave her flashbacks to her lifelong trauma, cost her a crewmate/friend to the Borg, and put her in a showdown that she didn’t think she’d survive. And it ends with her almost bleeding to death, being reassimilated, and what sure looks like the destruction of her family for a third time given the casting changes. Thank goodness she got a girlfriend, a kiss, and a field promotion out of it. In addition to sporting a Starfleet uniform in the trailer AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, she speaks with a quivering, almost broken voice about how she “thought she could inspire people and bring justice to an unjust world.” Trek again has a problematic history of putting marginalized characters (women with ambition, aloof demeanors, nuanced relationships with femininity/its expectations, and oft-traumatic pasts) into devastating circumstances/suffering huge loss to remind us they can be “properly emotional women.” (See: Tasha Yar, Kira Nerys, B’elanna Torres, and T’pol.) In-universe and among audiences, Seven fulfills those hopes many times over (there’s a reason so many queer, neurodivergent/disabled, and otherwise-“othered” people love her.) Seven can be an inspiration and a fighter for justice. She has. I know because she’s done it for me.

To make an extremely long story short: I want MY cast back and I want them to be HAPPY!

*Whether or not Seven is human, alien, or something in between is a matter of interpretation. My preferred reading is “hybrid,” but I counted her as human for the purposes of this post.

#dove talks #meta #I should start a tag for my star trek thoughts #star trek #star trek crit #I am so concerned trek community #thank u to all the fic writers who’ve helped me so far and to all of u will surely do so as we leave this series behind

[agentmarymargaretskitz]

The World We Once Knew, Gone It Is Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Cross My Heart and Hope to Die, Welcome to My Dark Side

AO3

This was not where Wrecker had wanted to end up.

               Tech had skipped the last meal because he’d too caught up in reading about some battle that happened hundreds of years ago. Wrecker knew that his trainer kept some dried fruit in his lab and surely wouldn’t miss a few pieces. He’d slipped out of their barracks and down the corridors to get some for his brother. While in the process of collecting a few pieces and sneaking some for himself, Wrecker had heard voices in the hall. There was no time to get out the door, so he’d squeezed himself into a cabinet large enough to fit his bulky frame and shut the door.

No sooner had he done this before the doors to the lab slid open and two voices carried inside.

“-can no longer stand by and allow this to happen,” Wrecker recognized the frosty tone of the Kaminoan who supervised Tech’s training. “They will never be fit for duty.”

“Indeed,” came the icy voice of Prihu Zu. “These defective units will never amount to what is being created out there. I will never understand why Dr. Se bothered to save them once their mutations came to light.”

“They should have been decommissioned the moment they were discovered.”

Knowing they were talking about his brothers made Wrecker feel sick. The Kaminoans were far from kind, and this wasn’t the first threat of decommissioning. But just hearing how someone wanted to kill the four of them before they were out of the tube made his head spin.

“The doctor herself wants to integrate them with the rest of the clone population,” Prihu Zu continued. “She’s put together a series of tests as a sort of graduation as to whether they will thrive with the rest of the clones. The subjects will be going through them in two rotations.”

“Each one has shown an aptitude higher than most clones in several target areas.”

“The tests Dr. Se devised could be passed by cadets half their age,” Prihu Zu sneered in a way that Crosshair had taken to doing lately. “Those…misfits will pass and be integrated with the rest of the clones. You’ve witnessed their proclivity for disobedience. Imagine the effect they’ll have on the rest of the soldiers.”

Wrecker heard Tech’s supervisor hum quietly. “Problems may arise.”

“Exactly. Our talents have been wasted for years training these defects. I, for one, am no longer going to follow along with Dr. Se’s twisted vision of our contract.”

There was a pause, but no signs of either Kaminoan leaving.

“CT-9904 has demonstrated success when tasked with disarming standard bombs. However, when it comes to diffusing more complicated bombs, he scores lowest among the subjects.”

“Nala Se has requested for four trial bombs for their testing,” Tech’s supervisor murmured.

“Indeed. What a shame it would be if one of those explosives was wired differently, and the charge I have been burdened with became a casualty?”

Wrecker covered his mouth with his hand to hold in a scream.

“It would be,” Tech’s supervisor agreed. “Nala Se believes they can function as a squad of four members, and she is correct. But three survivors will not be enough.”

“And they, along with Dr. Se’s ridiculous plan, will be terminated,” Prihu Zu gave a dark chuckle.

“It will not be difficult to get into the room where the testing materials are being stored. I will take care of the situation.”

“Excellent.”

               Their footfalls passed by the cabinet Wrecker was hiding in, but he waited longer to make sure they were gone before pushing the door open. His hands gripped the sides of the container as he stared at the door the Kaminoans had gone through. He still couldn’t believe what he had just heard. As a young cadet, Wrecker knew that his supervisor only had his progress of becoming a soldier. Decomissioning was always a present threat, but this was a murder plot.

               Quietly, Wrecker started trekking back to the room where he and his brothers had lived for as long as he could remember. He remembered dragging Crosshair on his back along these halls a few years ago and running into those regs. Since that day, Crosshair had become even quieter and withdrawn. His personality had turned cold, all the innocence he’d once possessed draining away faster than that of the others. But Crosshair still loved his brothers, and he cared about them. He just wasn’t as open about it now.

               He slipped back inside the room, finding the rest of his brothers on the floor sleeping in a pile of blankets and pillows. Hunter had curled beside Tech, who was fast asleep facing Crosshair. Wrecker tried to creep over quietly, only to stub his toe on one of Tech’s bins. A lightning bolt from the raging storm brought light into the room, illuminating Hunter drooling, Tech’s goggles, and Crosshair’s newly dyed hair. Wrecker missed the curl mess of black and gray curls that had now been overtaken by silver, but Crosshair had insisted on it with Tech’s help. Prihu Zu had not taken well to it.

“Go to sleep, Wrecker,” Hunter’s voice called sleepily. “It’s late.”

               Wrecker set the small container down and quickly grabbed Lula and his blanket. As he settled in on Crosshair’s side, he thought again about everything that he had heard between the Kaminoans. Prihu Zu was determined to sabotage Crosshair’s bomb. But Wrecker was the best of his batch. If he got his hands on it first…

His decision was made before he fell asleep.

               Hunter joked about how the bombs were all Wrecker’s to blow up when they were wheeled in for testing a month later. Wrecker’s stomach had twisted before he snatched an indignant Crosshair’s explosive and started to work on it. The wiring was much more complicated than he’s ever dealt with, so he resorted to throwing it at the clouded glass of the testing chamber. He hoped it would crash through.

Watching the bomb rebound towards him was the last thing he remembered before waking up in the medical bay, half his face bandaged and all his brothers staring down at him with wide eyes.

~~~

“Is it back in the cage yet?”

“Her name’s Ruby,” Omega corrected as the ship settled with a heavy thump onto the ground. “And yeah.”

               Echo withheld a chuckle as he rose from his seat beside Tech to check on the lizard they’d had to retrieve. Omega clutched the large cage containing it while Wrecker warily took it and started out the ship. Crosshair and Omega followed him, but Tech was still in the cockpit. Echo turned around to see his brother still seated in the pilot’s chair. His goggles were off and his eyes were closed, but they reopened once Echo gave him a slight shake.

“You want to sit this one out?”

“No, I plan on coming,” Tech replaced his goggles and stood up. “Better get this job over with and find out our next one.”

               Echo watched him follow the others before joining them on the trek to Cid’s bar. Almost a month had passed since their failure to deliver the tactical droid head. It had put them into a debt with Cid and set back their funds on supplies needed to regain Hunter. Getting jobs wasn’t difficult, but payments varied in value. There had been some jobs they’d had to pass on too because of Tech. His moments of irritability and zoning out had become more frequent, the cause of which they now had a theory for.

               Cid’s bustled with moderate activity characteristic for most Ord Mantell afternoons as Echo entered. The rest of the Batch was set up by the counter with Bolo, Ketch, and Kels. Omega animatedly told the story of the retrieval to Cid’s crew, who were nodding along in time. Echo smiled and shook his head. No matter where she went, Omega always managed to charm someone.

“The Rhokari are new to the smuggling scene, but their ships aren’t anything to mess with,” Kels was saying. “Some of the latest tech on those things- stolen of course, but still! I’d do anything to get my hands in one of those ships and see what makes it tick! I’m impressed you managed to outfly them.”

“Of course, you are,” Tech muttered. “You’re not an elite soldier with a modified shuttle.”

Kels scowled and downed her drink before standing up. “Fuck you, sunshine.”

“Boss’s in the back,” Ketch told them as Echo elbowed Tech. “Told us that you could come on back when you were finished.”

“Thanks,” Echo nodded as Crosshair picked up the cage. “Let’s…see what we get next.”

               The rest of them hopped off the stools to walk towards Cid’s office. Before he’d gone three steps, Echo felt someone catch his arm and turned to see Wrecker behind him. He nodded towards Omega and cleared his throat slightly. As Wrecker asked if the two of them could go explore, Echo noticed the young clone looking sadly at the cage. She’d gotten attached to the lizard and was still a kid. Part of the squad or not, she deserved a break from the business transactions.

“Go on, you two,” Echo told them. “Just don’t stay away too long.”

               Wrecker and Omega hurried out cheering. Echo smiled as he watched them go and could see his little brothers had similar expressions. The trio moved together towards Cid’s office to deliver the lizard. As they drew closer, Echo was able to pick up some whispers. One voice he recognized as Cid’s, the other was unfamiliar to him.

“This is the best I could do,” Cid was saying as Echo peered inside the office.

The taller of the two hooded figures at her desk was taking two discs from the Trandoshan. “How far does this get us?”

“Officially, halfway. When you get the second spaceport, there’s a cargo ship that’ll take you the rest of the way. Find Uttein, and they’ll get you two the rest of the way there.”

“How do we get there?”

“Go back to the hanger,” instructed Cid. “I’ve got a pilot who’ll take you to the first port.”

“Thanks. Come on, Zatt.”

               The two turned around to go, then froze when they saw Echo standing there. He figured they were shocked by his appearance when the taller Zabrak step in front of the small Nautolan boy. The child gasped quietly as Echo realized they weren’t staring at just him, but Crosshair and Tech too. The pair also wore what Echo sadly realized were dirty Jedi robes. There were still Jedi out there, but no doubt the survivors had lost trust in clones.

“We’re not like the others,” Echo told them, holding up his hand and scomp.

The Zabrak narrowed her eyes, the glare cutting through the purple flyaway hairs in front of her face. Quickly, she ushered the kid out the door and into the bar. All three of them watched the two go before Echo led them into the room. Crosshair’s head was tilted in puzzlement, but Echo knew he was analyzing the encounter and picking it apart, just like he’d been doing with Omega. Tech’s movements were stiff and robotic. While Crosshair placed the cage on Cid’s desk, Echo gave Tech a nudge and watched the man shudder as he returned to reality.

“So what’s the reason we had to pick this up?” he asked Cid, who was examining the lizard inside.

“I didn’t ask, and I don’t really care.”

“As long as you get paid,” Crosshair muttered as he fiddled with his gloves. “Did that apply to the Jedi too?”

Cid’s expression darkened. “I ain’t discussing business with you, Toothpick. Unless you don’t want to get paid.”

“You said you weren’t working with the Empire,” Echo muttered as the Trandoshan dealt out their payment. “Hang on, you said there would be more than this!”

“Last time I checked, we set up a system to pay off your debt.”

               Echo groaned as the memory of the conversation came back. It had been less than two weeks ago, and this was the third job they’d done since then. This kind of forgetfulness never happened to Rex or Hunter, and he was usually good at recollecting details. Reminding himself that he had to get this down better, he listened as Cid rattled off the list of expenses they’d accrued. It was standard stuff- docking fees, gear, fuel, rations- but the Mantell Mix cartons threw him off.

“Twenty cartons?” he sputtered. “How-”

“Wrecker,” Tech sighed in boredom. “His and Omega’s tradition for after missions.”

Crosshair glared at him. “He nearly got shot today because you were too slow on the draw.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault we were being shot at?”

“We’ll figure something out,” Echo promised sternly, eying his brothers. “We’ll make this up.”

That seemed to placate Cid enough. “I’d advise doing that. You don’t want to see my ugly side.”

Behind him, Echo heard Tech scoff. “That’s not her ugly side.”

Crosshair was fighting a smirk as Cid glared. “What was that, Goggles?”

“Just-”

               Blaster fire from the front of the cantina cut off Echo’s reply. His first thought was the Rhokari had found them, and the next was someone had arrived to collect the bounty on Omega. Sprinting out of Cid’s office, Echo skidded into the front to see everyone fleeing the scene, Bolo and Ketch included. Only a figure in a hooded cloak remained. A clone standard issue blaster was in his hand.

Crosshair was on his left, rifle out and propped on his shoulder pauldron. “You have until three to get out of here and never come back.”

The hood quickly came down.

Echo felt the air exit his lungs when he saw the face underneath. This wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. He was dead. Echo had looked at the three letters a month ago and felt the heavy weight of grief crush him.

“Rex?” he uttered, pushing Crosshair’s rifle down. “Is it really you?”

A tired smile crossed the captain’s face. “Good to see you, Echo.”

               The relief of seeing Rex alive and well after so much bad news over the last two months was overwhelming. Without hesitating, Echo lunged forward and hugged his older brother. Rex was hugging him almost immediately. His eyes welled up a bit as he clutched the solid form of the man who had saved his life more times than he could count. Echo never thought he would see him again, but here he was.

“Are you shitting me? You shot up my bar?”

Rex let go of him as Cid and Tech emerged. “Good to see you too, Cid.”

“Unbelievable. Thought you had better manners than that,” Cid shook her head.

“Your guys were trying to pick a fight.”

“Doesn’t surprise me. You get one round on me,” Cid grumbled before retreating towards her office again. “Only because I don’t like owing debts.”

“Tech, Crosshair,” Rex greeted the other two troopers. “Gotta say, I almost didn’t recognize you boys.”

               Echo chuckled as they approached the bar and Crosshair liberated a bottle of something from behind the counter. Their appearances had changed since they’d fled Kamino. Crosshair had grown out a beard. Tech stopped shaving a few days ago, now sporting scruff on his face. When his hair had started growing back, Echo had only shaved his sides and now sported a short mohawk that was finally starting to curl. Only Wrecker’s appearance had remained the same as well as Omega’s, though they’d come to realize her hair was dyed when they noticed her roots showing dark brown.

“So where have you been?” Echo asked as Crosshair began pouring the drinks.

“Doing my best to keep a low profile.”

“Very low, given you’re listed as killed in action in the Imperial files,” Tech said pointedly.

Rex accepted a cup from Crosshair. “Being dead in the Empire’s eyes has its advantages. Although I got a tip recently from the Martez sisters about a group of rogue clones who helped them out on Corellia. When they said you were out here, I figured it was worth a trip.”

“Did they tell you anything else?” Tech demanded.

Echo noticed Rex study Tech a few seconds before answering. “That you’re traveling with a kid.”

“Her name’s Omega,” Echo told his oldest friend. “She’s a clone like us.”

“Who doesn’t remember the war,” Crosshair leaned against the counter. “Tell me, doesn’t that seem-”

               Whatever he was about to say was cut off by Wrecker’s loud entrance as the muscular clone ran in and wrapped Rex up in a bone-crushing hug. Echo chuckled as Rex was able to grunt out a greeting to Wrecker. Omega was just behind him, confused at the arrival of another clone. Once Rex’s feet were back on the floor, Echo introduced them to each other.

Rex smiled and got down on his knee to greet her. Omega stared right at him and proclaimed him to be a generation one ‘by the lines on your face’. Crosshair snorted as Rex chuckled over the statement. It broke the tension that had been lingering in the air for a moment until Rex asked the pivotal question.

“Where’s Hunter?”

Echo felt the responsibility fall onto him. “With the Empire.”

“Our inhibitor chips appear to be affected by our mutations and modifications,” Tech elaborated. “Unfortunately, that did not extend to Hunter. But there is…kriff…”

Tech trailed off, rubbing his temples. Rex turned to him, a frown appearing on his face. Echo watched him for a second before turning to Tech. “Another headache.”

“It’ll pass,” Tech forced out, his fingers curling in pain.

Rex stared at him, then the rest of the Batch. “Have you removed your inhibitor chip?”

“They don’t affect us,” Crosshair shrugged. “There’s not a reason to take them out. Just like there’s no reason to put your hand on that blaster, Captain.”

Echo glanced over and saw exactly what Crosshair had described. “Rex…”

“The Martezs also told me one of your own had tried to kill you,” the clone captain said, moving in front of Omega like the Jedi had done to the youngling. “Those chips make you a threat to everyone around you, including each other. All of you are ticking time bombs, especially him.”

“How were we supposed to know?” Tech snapped as Rex pointed to him.

“Have you noticed yourself losing control? Doing things you never normally would?”

Tech crossed his arms over himself and nod hesitantly. “Maybe once…twice. A few other times”

“Then it may not be fully activated,” Rex eased up, but just barely. “When it’s on, it is not something you can control. Keeping it isn’t worth the risk. The things I’ve seen it do…what I did…I should have listened to Fives when he first told me about the chips. If I had, then more of our brothers would still be alive.”

Silence settled over the Bad Batch as they processed Rex’s words. Echo took in the speech and looked Rex dead in the eye, rising to his feet. “Fives knew about the inhibitor chips?”

“He did,” Rex nodded solemnly. “I didn’t believe him at the time. There was so much happening-”

“But you knew.”

               Echo felt himself sink onto the stool. When he’d been rescued from Skako Minor, it hadn’t escaped him that Rex was there, but not Fives. While Rex had explained to him that Fives had died on Coruscant, Echo had heard the rumors of what lead to it. That Fives had contracted a virus that made him lose his mind and tried to kill the chancellor before ultimately being shot by the Coruscant Guard. He wasn’t remembered with honor, but pity or disgust.

“This whole time,” Echo exhaled slowly. “You knew that Fives knew about the chips too? And you never told me?”

Rex at least looked ashamed. “Echo, you’d just gotten back from-”

“But you knew,” Echo spat. “I asked you how. I had to find out about all the ugly bits from some shinies in the 212th, but you knew the whole time about everything?!”

A large hand settled over his shoulder. Wrecker was now towering behind him. Crosshair stood by his side. Tech remained seated, but kept a dark glare trained on Rex. Even Omega crept away from Rex to stand with him. Their silent support reminded Echo to catch his breath and reign in his emotions to remain civil.

“I’ve seen what happens with the chip too,” Echo said, feeling calmer. “And if you believe removing them is the best course of action, then I trust you. So how do we get them out?”

Rex’s hand finally migrated from his blaster. “That’s the tricky bit. There was more information about the presence of a chip, and barely anything about removing it. But it takes surgery, much more than what’s available here.”

“So where would we go?” asked Echo.

Rex sighed. “I’ll start searching, and I’ll let you know when I find something.”

“You’re leaving us then,” Crosshair sneered. “Just drop a bomb like that and now you head off?”

“I’ll be in touch as soon as I can,” Rex reiterated. “The fact that Tech’s been able to hold on for this long is nothing short of a miracle. It has to be taken out, because I can’t stand to bury any more brothers.”

Echo nodded as Rex bade them farewell and departed the cantina. Once the captain was gone, he sank down against the seat again. The rush of happiness from seeing Rex again had faded into concern for Tech.

“Echo? You good?” Wrecker questioned.

“Sure,” Echo sighed, looking at Tech. “I hope Rex works fast. Because if another of us goes with this chip…I can’t lose my brothers again.”

The soft squeeze Omega gave his hand lit a small spark of hope in Echo.

Now he just had to keep it alive until Rex returned.

~~~

               Nightfall had fast overtaken the small town. Save for a few residents, the street was nearly cleared out. On one such street, a Mon Calamari was picking up the sign outside of a café. As she checked the locked on the enclosed patio dining area, her bulbous eyes glanced over to the closed chain code post.

Had she glanced up just a little more instead of returning inside, CT-9902 and his elite squad would have been visible.

               As soon as the shopkeeper was back inside, CT-9902 signaled the squad to move on across the line ES-02 had shot across the gap between rooftops. The squadron had been sent here with the task of assassinating a Jedi they’d tracked down to this planet based on sightings from informants on other planets. Once the field had been narrowed down, Rampart ordered them here to take out the Jedi. CT-9902 did not plan on disappointing him.

               Lead by ES-04, the elite squad made their way across the rooftops until half a click from where ES-03 had scouted the Jedi’s location earlier. From there, the quintet fanned out to their positions. CT-9902 stationed himself near ES-02 as she prepared her rifle. He did not lack faith in her abilities in the slightest. However, the last sniper who claimed to have shot a Jedi lied to him before betraying him. It was because of him that CT-9902 wanted to see this through properly.

“Target is in sight,” ES-092 reported, adjusting the scope.

CT-9902 peered through his scopes, making out a shadow in front of a window of a building that was raised a level above most of the others.

“I have a shot.”

The order was stuck in his mouth. Something was trying to break through the pulse in his head.

Good soldiers follow orders.

“Take it,” he forced out.

The sniper fired.

               Through his scopes, CT-9902 watched a yellow beam ignite in the darkness to deflect the shot. CT-9902 lowered the scopes and watched ES-02 take two more shots at the window. These were blocked as well before a figure leaped out the window and land on a rooftop at a lower level before taking off.

“Target is on the move,” CT-9902 reported as he took off after the Jedi, leaping over the distance to the roof across from him. “Moving east and fast. We need to cut them off!”

               The Jedi might have gotten a head start, but he knew he could gain ground fast. His purpose was not just to lead, but to track as well. As CT-9902 made up vital ground, he ripped off his helmet. The closer he got, the more he would be able to pick up to track them. His sole focus was on them. Traitors to the Republic were traitors to the Empire.

               The Jedi neared the end of the rooftop before leaping down. CT-9902 caught a flash of red atop their head as they disappeared downward. When he reached the last of the flat surface, the clone leaped down onto the cobblestones to land in the middle of a night market. Focusing on his surroundings, CT-9902 scanned the area, noticing an overturned crate of fruit and a disgruntled shopkeeper shouting away from him. Smirking, he placed his helmet back on and ran in the direction, easily clearing the crate in a single leap.

               He didn’t care who he ran into as he pursued his target. Most of them moved out of the way, and those who didn’t were knocked to the ground. The sight of their red hair fueled him to push himself harder. CT-9902 was getting even closer to the redheaded Jedi now. When they turned down a street, the commander followed, but took more care with his strides. There was less chaos in this emptied alley, but the last thing he wanted was to give away his position. He was a predator, and the Jedi were his prey.

               To his fortune, the alley reached a dead end in the form on a large wall. The Jedi skidded to a stop and CT-9902 pulled out his blaster. His shot hit the Jedi in the arm, and a grunt of pain came as she spun around. She managed to ignite her lightsaber to deflect the bolt, but CT-9902 could see she was tired of running. One more shot, and it would be over. Another success for the elite squad.

Her head rose up a little more, the scar on her freckled face visible now.

               Familiarity surged through CT-9902 as a memory slid out of his subconscious like a leak in a dam. The same Jedi being assigned to work with his old unit for a few assignments. His mind scrambled to try and piece it together. There was a planet- green and lush with forests, but a darkness there as well. She and CT-9904 had taken quite an interest in each other. Their parting has been reluctant, especially for CT-9904.

No, not CT-9904. Crosshair.

Crosshair and Wrecker and Tech and-

“Good soldiers follow orders,” he said out loud, raising his blaster. When…when had he lowered it?

His finger couldn’t squeeze the trigger.

The Jedi’s eyes widened as she took a step back. Did she somehow recognize him, even with this helmet on?

CT-9902 stopped trying to remember more and adjusted his grip as the Jedi slowly crouched. She leapt up onto its ledge and he fired at her. His shot went long though, missing her by too much. The Jedi disappeared over the wall. CT-9902 could have followed, and he should have followed. But he just stood there, staring up at the wall.

“Commander?”

Traitors. Brothers. Traitors.

Traitors.

“Commander?” ES-04 called again

CT-9902 pressed his comm. “Target got away. We need to regroup.”

“Do we even have a chance of finding the Jedi again?” ES-22’s voice asked over the channel.

“Ask the commander,” ES-02 snarled.

But CT-9902 knew their chance of finding her was decreasing with every second.

~~~

               Four days passed before Rex got in communication with them again. For Crosshair, it felt more like four weeks. The news of the danger the inhibitor chips still possessed left him analyzing every action all of them took. Despite their debt, Echo talked with Cid about taking a break from missions until they dealt with the new situation. Cid understood and Crosshair had silently agreed with her. Hunter had shot him and Wrecker under its influence and was trapped as a soldier inside the Empire. If Tech’s chip fully activated, Crosshair feared what his brother would be capable of.

               During those four days, Crosshair kept up the routine of training Omega, watching her improve more and more. He’d been able to keep Tech in sight as he worked with Kels on the chip scanner he’d abandoned nearly a month ago. Echo trusted both him and the mechanic enough to keep Tech from destroying their work and to call them in if he took a turn for the worse. It only happened once and they were able to stop him, but it had put them back several days. On the other hand, what he’d done to Wrecker’s holo weeks ago…they weren’t even sure if it could be fixed.

Now, they were flying to meet Rex on Bracca to get their chips taken out. Crosshair sat across from where his brother was working on the last touches to the scanner with Omega, or rather Tech was directing her. The engineer was tapping his fingers over and over in a pattern of sevens. He still focused on the task of completing the scanner.

“Are we sure about Rex’s plan?” Wrecker blurted out from where he was pacing by the cockpit. “I trust him and all, but he wants to cut open Tech’s head.”

“All of our heads actually,” Tech corrected, looking up from his work. “Admittedly, I would like to know the further details of his plan beyond just meeting on Bracca.”

Crosshair propped his head on his hands. “If Echo trusts Rex, then we’ll follow. After all, he’s the leader.”

“I’m not turning away his offer,” Echo called from the cockpit. “We know what the chip can do. All of us have seen it. I refuse to sit back and let it happen to any of you.”

“It won’t happen to me,” Omega piped up. “I don’t have a chip!”

               That made Crosshair raise his head in surprise as Wrecker grumbled about how unfair it was. Conversation continued around him, but he reminded fixated on the new piece of information. He added it to his mental archive of knowledge about Omega. No memory of the Clone Wars, no chip, no cadet training, watched closely by Nala Se. She was a puzzle missing too many pieces to gain a clear picture.

As Echo and Wrecker brought the Marauder out of hyperspace, Crosshair moved to the cockpit to get his first glimpse at Bracca. He remembered hearing from Tech that the entire planet was a massive scrapyard. What he hadn’t counted on was seeing so many ships rusting across the surface. When he tore his eyes away, he saw the light designated for Rex’s beacon blinking faster.

“There’s so many ships,” Omega said as she climbed one of the seats to get a better view.

               Crosshair nodded slowly as Echo brought the ship own into the landing bay of a downed Star Destroyer. A smaller ship was already there, Rex standing in full armor beside it. Once they landed, Echo led them out, his smile not as bright as it had been when he first found out Rex was alive. Still, he clasped Rex’s hand with his remaining flesh one as the captain asked the Bad Batch to follow him. Crosshair donned his helmet

“It might not be much to look at,” Rex told them as they climbed through a hole on the other side of the landing bay and down to another stretch of downed ship. “But Bracca has exactly what we need.”

“An abundance of death traps?” Tech muttered.

Rex ignored the comment and pointed to a cruiser in the near distance. “I had my inhibitor chip removed on a Jedi cruiser exactly like that one. That’s our destination.”

Crosshair frowned over at Rex. It didn’t make sense for them to land all the way out here when there were undoubtedly closer places to be. When he looked toward Echo, the cyborg’s face was twisted in a matched puzzlement. “So why’d you have us land-”            

Something moved in the corner of his vision before Rex shouted “Duck!”

               Immediately, Crosshair felt Wrecker pull him and Tech down against the sun-warmed surface. He watched with the rest of them as a ship hovered past in the distance. His heart started to beat a little faster while he looked to make sure Omega, Echo, and Rex were out of sight. Crosshair didn’t let out a breath until the ship, which Tech proclaimed as belonging to the scrapper guild, had vanished. Now it made sense to Crosshair why Rex wanted them so far away. They were fugitives who needed to keep out of sight, and he didn’t know where the scrapper guild stood in terms of relations with the Empire.

               Rex signaled them to move again, and they all quickly crept after him. The captain did what he could to take them through the remains of the ships as safely as possible. Wrecker and Omega bounded ahead a little, Rex and Echo were just behind, and he brought up the rear with Tech. When he heard a creaking sound of the metal beneath Omega, Crosshair snapped his head up and almost shouted in alarm. However, the words died on his lips when he saw she was fine.

“So how’d you find out about the chips?” Rex asked, looking over at him and Echo.

“Omega,” Echo answered as she leaped over a small crack in the floor. “She told us on Saleucami when we were at Cut and Suu’s. And they’d been told by a clone commander. You wouldn’t happen to know who that would be, would you?”

Rex shrugged. “Well, I was promoted before the Siege of Mandalore. But I swore them to secrecy. I didn’t know if anyone was on my trail.”

Sunlight was visible through an opening ahead of them. Wrecker and Omega were getting closer to it, and Rex nodded at them to go ahead before turning back to the rest of them. “So you nabbed the kid off Kamino?”

“She came with us,” Crosshair corrected. “Didn’t trust the Empire. She’s got good instincts.”

“And now someone is after her,” Echo added. “Whether it’s the Empire or something else, we can’t lose anyone again. Although Crosshair is teaching her to shoot so she stands a better chance now.”

“She’s really coming along,” Crosshair said proudly. “I’ve been teaching her all I know.”

“KRIFFING FUCK!”

“Omega!”

               Wrecker’s shout was not scolding, but one frightened as Omega slipped over the edge she was climbing down. Something terrifying shot through Crosshair at the sight. He sprinted forward with Echo and Tech to the edge as Wrecker jumped down. Omega was pushing herself up off the ground with a wince. She didn’t appear to be bleeding, which just barely made him feel relief.

“I slipped,” she admitted, rubbing her head a little. “I’m okay. Really.”

Crosshair sighed, his nerves settling more.

As Wrecker helped Omega up, Rex turned towards him. Crosshair was certain that under his bucket, Rex had an eyebrow raised at him. “Teaching her everything you know, huh?”

Crosshair rolled his eyes. There were cadets younger than Omega who knew more creative swears. Tech wasn’t yet four standard when he learned his first curse.

“But you said she doesn’t remember anything about the war?” Rex asked as Echo lowered himself down next.

Crosshair wanted to tell him about everything that was piling up about Omega. Tech had already dismissed him weeks ago, Wrecker was sure it was nothing, and Echo wasn’t convinced. Rex might believe him though and have something to offer. However, Tech resting his hand against his head reminded him that there was a greater priority right now. They all knew what was going on with Tech. Despite the bounty on her, Omega was not in imminent danger.

“She doesn’t,” he told Rex. “But Tech needs help more currently.”

Rex hummed as he climbed down after Echo. “You’re right about that. But we will get his chip out.”

“You better be right about that.”

               They carried on the trek with little incidence from that point on. Crosshair slowly migrated to the back once more where Tech was trudging along. His data pad at been out at one point, but was now put away to follow Rex. The sniper watched his fingers nervously work and twist around together. It almost distracted him from a trace of movement in the water pool at the base of the Venator. He stopped and quietly approached the edge. Ripples were coming irregularly from the middle, just under than shadows of a downed piece of Venator.

               A tentacle appeared just above the surface, then vanished. The ripples began to move away from where they were. Crosshair watched the direction the ripples came from, following it for as long as possible. It appeared to lead into the underside of the Venator that Rex was leading them too. Tech had read something about different kinds of water dwelling creatures, but for the life of him, Crosshair couldn’t recall many of them.

“Stay above the water,” he reported over the comms, standing back up and leaving the edge.

The sniper ran to catch up with his brothers walking across the downed beam up to the venator. Catching up to them was not difficult as he was used to climbing trees and cliffs to get into position. Crosshair soon found himself beside Tech as they entered the rusted gash in the side of the ship. The darkened interior served as a reprieve for his eyes from the harsh sunlight outside. Even if it did take a moment for him to adjust, it was worth it.

“Been a while since I was inside one of these,” Rex commented ahead, his torch shining amidst the dark. “First off the line by the looks of it. The last time I was in a Venator…it didn’t end so well.”

Crosshair had read the files Tech had downloaded for Echo. Rex hadn’t been the only one who had been aboard the Tribunal. “If that chip isn’t something you can control, then how did you get yours out?”

“I had some help.”

“What kind of help?” Crosshair pressed as Rex started to lead them further into the darkness. “The files said a Jedi was on board your cruiser. Whatever happened to them?”

“What the fuck is wrong-”

Rex’s bucket was suddenly right up close to his own, Echo’s voice dying down.

“All you need to know is this,” Rex’s voice was cold. “I did my duty to the Republic.”

He turned away from his obvious lie to keep reading. Crosshair tried to follow, only for Tech to grab his arm.

“What?” he grumbled, trudging alongside his brother.

“I need to review the procedure with you,” Tech insisted, shoving his datapad into Crosshair’s hands. “Now I’ve calculated that the entry point should be approximately on the right side of-”

“You can record the instructions for removing whatever’s in your head and I’ll follow them.”

“Well, obviously,” Tech muttered. “That can be done, and the medical bay should have a working surgical pod that can be programmed for chip removal. But I am not talking about removing a chip.”

“Then what are you talking about?”

“What to do if I lose control.”

After everything Crosshair had gone through in his life, few things could bring him to a screeching halt, but that did.

“Crosshair, if anything goes wrong, if I cannot regain control and become a threat to everyone’s safety…I need you to take me out.”

The sniper couldn’t believe what he was hearing from his own twin brother.

               The four of them had all grown up together, but he and Tech were a special case. Years ago, some cloning tech had fucked up and put two clusters of cells in a tube instead of one. While the Kaminoans had caught and rectified this mistake once their tube had been moved to enhance the mutations, Crosshair and Tech always had a strong connection. They had surviving complications at an early decanting, faced the worst of the Kaminoans trainers, and kept each other alive for years. They were survivors of so much.

Now a chip was threatening to take his twin away.

“We’re getting that damn chip out,” Crosshair growled, quickening his pace.

“Crosshair, listen to me,” his brother hissed. “We’ve seen what happened to Hunter. I do not want to become that. The last thing I want to do is hurt any of you.”

“You won’t.”

“Hunter did not listen to reason on Kamino or Pantora. If my chip fully activates, I will have no restraint. I will weaponize my body and my brain. You can shoot faster and more accurate than anyone else, and they will need you to protect them. Do you understand?”

Crosshair was thankful for his helmet hiding his expression from his twin.

“Crosshair, do you understand me and what you have to do?”

“Yes.”

Tech gave a nod. “Good. Promise me you’ll do it.”

“I promise,” Crosshair lied smoothly, speeding up a little more to get away from his brother who had just asked him to do the unthinkable.

               Tech’s request stayed on his mind for the rest of the journey through the dank, dark halls. Wrecker was shifting his torch more and more in his hand as they drew closer to where the medical bay was located. They’d been on a Venator a handful of times before but avoided this wing at all costs. When Rex finally crouched down by one room that was nearly sealed and pronounced it to be what he was looking for, Wrecker stepped up to push the door up. Echo and Omega shined lights inside the room to illuminate the surgical pod and a few critters that scuttled away at their sudden appearance.

“This is not a sterile environment,” Tech muttered as they entered.

“Well, it’s here or a facility on Kamino.”

“At least we’d get to Hunter if we were on Kamino,” Crosshair thought to himself as Tech reluctantly agreed with Rex.

               Echo found a port for his scomp link and began to power up the room. As the pod and lights flickered with renewed life, Crosshair could make out the unease on Omega and Wrecker’s faces. Tech had pulled out the scanner he’d put together on the ship, his eyes squeezing shut for a moment. Crosshair moved over to the surgical pod to help him sit down and hooked the scanner to his brother’s head, setting Tech’s helmet and blasters to the side. Echo was talking to Omega about something, but it all faded to background noise as the sniper stared at the x-ray scan of Tech’s skull.

“Omega, I know you’re scared, but we have to do this,” Echo was saying. “We aren’t going anywhere. I trust everyone here with my life. You’re stuck with us for the long run.”

Crosshair turned around to see Omega clasping her hands together and giving Echo a short nod. She really had been shaken up by all of this. His skepticism aside about her confusing past, Crosshair didn’t want her to suffer the loss of a brother either. He would do anything to prevent losing another brother, like he should have done for Hunter.

“Wrecker, you gonna be good here?” Echo asked.

“Uh…you said you’re cutting into his head, right?”

The scanner beeped, signaling Crosshair to look down at the datapad. “The chip’s on the upper left of his skull, so yes.”

He knew Wrecker wasn’t good with head stuff. The blasts from the bomb during their training test sent shrapnel into his head. Wrecker had been conscious for its removal as the three of them waited in another room, listening to his cries. Crosshair still heard them during his darker nightmares.

“You want to go take a walk and see if there’s anything worth salvaging on this ship?” Echo offered. “We’ll comm you when it’s your turn.”

“Y-yeah,” Wrecker nodded quickly. “Yeah. Please.”

“Go ahead then.”

“Aw, thanks, Echo. Good luck, Tech.”

Tech let out a growl as Wrecker exited the room. “It’s too loud.”

“What is?” Rex approached now, Omega staying back with Echo. “Tech, what’s too loud?”

“I can feel it,” Tech’s hand was forming a fist against his head. “It’s-augh!”

“We have to get this out now,” Rex moved back to Echo by the operating board. “The effects of Order 66 can set in faster than you can imagine.”

“Then thank kriff we don’t know where those Jedi were heading,” Crosshair muttered, moving over to an abandoned medical kit to crack it open. “Now hang on a second.”

               It took him a few moments before he was able to locate an anesthetic. Loading it into the syringe, Crosshair turned back to see Tech hunched over, head in his hands. A chilling feeling started creeping up his spine at the sight of his brother in immense pain. The last time he’d felt terror like this was when a bomb had gone off in Wrecker’s face.

“Tech!” he called, dropping the hypo and moving over to his brother.

               Crosshair pushed Tech’s hands away from his head and replaced them with his own. Behind his goggles, Tech’s tears were blurring his eyes. The sniper knew his steady hands that had pulled a trigger with precision and accuracy now trembled in uncertainty. He didn’t trust himself with the hypo now, casting it to the side.

“Tech, look at me!” Crosshair clutched Tech’s head, fingers pressing against Tech’s temples.

“I-It’s too loud.”

“Hold on,” he pleaded, his voice a ragged whisper.

Tech went rigid. Then his shoulders relaxed.

“Tech?” Crosshair let his head go and prepared to step back.

Suddenly, Tech grabbed his wrists.

“Tech?”

His twin brother lurched back before headbutting him in the face. The sudden action sent Crosshair onto his knees, blinking in surprise. Before he could recover, Tech was kicking him back down. He could taste blood in his mouth as his brother yanked the strap of his armor up.

“You are in direct violation of Order 66,” his twin snarled, his fist winding back before slamming into his face.

To be Continued

#the bad batch #fanfiction #star wars #kate does shit #au #hunter #imperial hunter #crosshair #echo #wrecker #omega #captain rex #angst

[theghostpinesmusic]

What is the line that gets included in every single movie trailer for the concluding movie of every series these days? "THIS IS THE END" or something like that?

Well, THIS IS THE END. At least of me covering this particular Phish run. I feel like I've been watching these shows and writing about them for way more than seven nights, but that's probably because I only watch like one show a week because for 95% of my waking hours I prefer to be a) not sitting on a couch and b) not tripping absolute balls to the point I forget what my hands are.

To be clear, I love that 5%. I just want to keep it at 5%.

Anyway, of course the final show of this monumental run (better pound-for-pound than the Baker's Dozen, don't @ me) ends with "Harry Hood." Because "Hood" has been my favorite Phish song since I started seeing shows in 2009, and it is therefore, in my humble opinion, the absolutely perfect choice for putting a huge exclamation point at the end of this (or any) run of shows.

I'll hold off from giving you some long run-down on the song's history for now; suffice to say that it's one of the band's oldest compositions, and though it's frankly pretty weird compositionally (shocking, right?!), what blows my mind every time despite hearing versions of it for twenty-five years now is the way the jam builds up toward the D-A-G resolution that both climaxes and concludes the song. The build is always different, but it's always wonderful, in part because you always know where you're going to land, no matter how you get there. You are always going to feel good about "Hood."

That said, this 8/5 take is a pretty, pretty great version of the tune. I have an extremely extensive and extremely nerdy mental list of my own favorite versions from the band's history (right now I'm partial to 8/7/09, the first version I ever saw live), and this one is up there somewhere.

The song always begins with this kind-of-off-kilter reggae-style introduction. It's my pet theory that the longer the introduction, the more likely you are to get a top-tier "Hood." This is the equivalent of making a wish before throwing a penny into a fountain, but whatever. This intro is pretty long and features Fishman's sample pad and all kinds of weird Robot Noises from Trey, and the following jam is amazing, so clearly I'm objectively right.

I could spend an entire post pointing out the sections of the composed part of "Hood" that are amazing, and explaining why I love them all...but I won't. Instead, I'll just say that the build that starts at 3:49 is one of my absolute favorite things to experience surrounded by a crowd of Phish fans. The video, of course, does not capture the crowd energy here at all (and it's possible that the MSG fans were just dead at this point, but I doubt it) so you'll just have to take my word for it.

The composed portion of the song ends at 5:46, and the band starts, as usual, from an almost complete breakdown of sound, building to what will eventually be the best key change in all of rock music.

I love how this version stays quiet for quite a while, with Page's organ playing in particular standing out in the midst of an onslaught of delicacy. Fishman, also, continues to be an alien...but in this case, a gentle, soft-spoken alien.

I could literally listen to the first few minutes of this jam on loop every day for the rest of my life.

There's a point where Mike kind of takes over and plays a little out of the box, and it's really nice.

At 8:30, it feels like (I think?) Trey moves the band into a minor key space, but the patient build continues even as the tone of the music becomes a bit more sinister.

The jam gets a bit more effects-heavy starting at 9:10, and Trey starts playing with some kind of reverse-guitar effect that always makes me think of Revolution-era Beatles. This is super-awesome. I am re-digging it. An ambient jam in a "Hood" is a rare thing these days, and this one hovers in that space for quite a long time.

The alien-call tone that Trey deploys at 10:45 is just crazy. As a guitarist, I have no idea how you play a guitar that's making that sound and make it sound like anything coherent, and yet he's leading this space jam with it.

The lights at this point are just wonderful. Starting at 11:40 or so, Mike's playing becomes circular, almost mantra-like, as he holds the melodic center in place while everyone else ranges outward, crashing around in the margins.

By 12:00, we've started to resolve into something that's a bit more straightforward, a more "typical" Phish jam, inasmuch as there is such a thing. Page plays a riff that Trey picks up on, and then they start bouncing back and forth between each other as the speed and the tension builds. The lights intensify in tandem with the music. I think I hear Trey play a "Wingsuit" tease.

My absolute fucking favorite thing about this particular "Hood" happens at 13:12, when Page starts playing the song's closing riff in D as the rest of the band continues, briefly, the jam that had been building to that point. This is something you likely only notice if you've listened to hundreds of "Hood"s in your life and do dorky shit like write blog posts about Phish jams OR you're one of the four guys in the band, but it's an amazing few moments where the song sits between the chaotic build and the joyous resolution, and it is both and neither at the same time.

Trey works his way toward the resolution until he hits it at 13:30, fifteen seconds or so after Page, and then the whole band just explodes into the song's outro.

"You can feel good about Hood," indeed.

We get an absolutely nuts noise climax at the end, but hey, these guys just played seven sold-out nights at Madison Square Garden. They're allowed a victory lap.

There will definitely be more Phish write-ups in the future...I'm trying to find time to watch their Mexico run from February, and as I write this their four-show stand at Las Vegas's Sphere is just a few days away. So, yeah.

For now, though, I'm going to pivot to some other stuff (mostly Goose, as you likely guessed).

I also bought tickets for Phish's four-day Labor Day run in Denver in part because of how much fun I had watching and writing about these shows. So...that's exciting.

#phish #music #live music #writing #videos #jams #jam band #tour journal #Youtube

[mrmallard]

So like 8 years after my first playthrough, I just beat Final Fantasy 13 for the second time.

I've ranted and raved until I was blue in the face about the game as I've gone through it, so I'll focus on some immediate feelings upon finishing the game.

Back in chapter 11, the game gives you a choice between staying in this big area and training an entire new tier of the Crystarium - again, like the Sphere Grid from FFX - or progressing immediately into the endgame. I chose to stay in chapter 11 and grind. I doubled my playtime just running around and levelling up, and eventually I maxed out my Crystarium.

The Crystarium doesn't upgrade again for the entire rest of the game.

You might think I'm gonna rant and rave about artificial restrictions or whatever. I've sure done that before. But like, this is the endgame. The game is balanced appropriately for this amount of levelling. There's no more after this.

Except the post-game.

It's not a great deal to write home about, but FF13 has a post-game where you can challenge superbosses and clear up some gameplay loose ends. And there is, in fact, one last supercharged layer of the Crystarium for you to level up. A hard-won reward for sure, if you feel like going back to the game for all its pros and cons.

Now, the ending. I've said in the past that one of the things FF13 absolutely nails is its ending.

Revisiting the game, that's... half-true.

The final boss fight has a lot of cryptic dialogue, and I've been told that it's next to impossible to understand the ending without looking up the lore or reading the datalog. And yeah, it's really cryptic and flashy and kind of just a hodgepodge of shit happening. There are a lot of cutscenes relating to that boss fight that are just "thou art thou, but art thou really thou, perchance?"

But the ending cutscene? Pure class. Still kind of the product of a flawed story, but it focuses on the right things and it achieves a really solid tone that I appreciated back in 2015 and which I still appreciate now. It's a giant mess you have to wade through to get there - and I'm only talking about the last leg of the game, not the entire thing - but it's a very solid ending.

So what now?

Honestly, I'm still gonna dick around in FF13 for a while. Gonna grind, get some trophies and think about maxing out the Crystarium. But I'm gonna move onto Kingdom Hearts 2 pretty soon, might finish that game before playing ff13-2. Great RPGs, back to back, followed by my first solo playthrough of KH Birth By Sleep. I might also try and squeeze in a second Persona 4 run around February.

I've had a lot to say about this game, good and bad. I want to say I'm a fan - not in the sense that it's my favourite thing ever, but in the sense that despite my ins and outs, I'm very passionate about the game, what it does right and what I don't like, and especially the characters. This is a character-driven game, and I feel like the characters are the most maligned aspect of the game - at least through the lens of caustic fanboy nerd-rage that welled up from 2005 onwards. I think the characters are worth a critical re-appraisal, the same way I think the Persona 3 characters are worth a critical re-appraisal.

Final Fantasy 13, imo, is kind of a creative nadir for the series. This is where Square Enix representatives were saying "turn-based combat is dead, we're laying the groundwork for the future of video game combat" - and in hindsight, it kind of was. Final Fantasy 16 has the combat director from Devil May Cry 5, and it's an action-RPG. Final Fantasy 7 Remake is an action-RPG with a menu option. What I remember from 15 was its realtime combat.

But games like Persona 5 have proven that the classic turn-based RPG formula is still engaging and fun. I go back to replay old Pokemon games all the time. I'm replaying Final Fantasy 5 in the background of all this. One of my favourite indie games of all time is a turn-based RPG game that emulates a simple tabletop game, it's called For the King and it's incredibly tense and fun.

Final Fantasy 13 was a victim of a changing gaming landscape, and it was one of the more awkward middle steps between "hee hoo hee hoo let me see whats in my menus :)" and "this game's combat was literally designed by a Devil May Cry dev". Final Fantasy 13 is the Wii U of the FF series, trapped in the middle between changing priorities and a nuclear fuckton of money.

It was full of compromise from its inception; they went with Lightning as the face of the game because they had already released teaser footage starring her as the focal character. When they wanted to make the game more about another character - the common rumour being Vanille - they were hamstrung by that initial Lightning-heavy reveal. They burned money developing a whole new game engine that looked stunning, but which had lag problems if too much was happening at once - and that's before they went all in for the Luminous Engine for FF15! They made the same mistake, burning millions of dollars on a brand-new engine for a single Final Fantasy game, twice!!

I feel like the way it ended up, a lot of people tried to make the best game they could, but you can't polish a turd - that is to say, if the gameplay and the level design for like 80% of the game is fundamentally broken at the foundational level, no amount of beautifully polished character models and outstanding HD CGI cutscenes is going to make that experience better. Chapter 11 of this game was basically this game's combat system run amok for players to just revel in and enjoy - there was a strong underlying experience in the gameplay. But so much of the game just Isn't That.

But I have an affinity for underdogs. The game has plenty to write home about if you're patient and willing to look for it. And for all of its significant downsides, I hate this sense of like performative nerd outrage and hate that elements of the game got over the years, like shit that either isn't as big of a problem as people insist it is or which the later game actively goes out of its way to address and move on from. And if there's one thing I hate in the gaming landscape, it's games that you can't speak honestly about because some fucknuts is making it impossible to have a genuine, constructive conversation about it.

For FF13, those days are over. The fans like it, the haters have mostly moved on - as it should be. But for all of my criticism, this game will always be kind of an underdog to me, at least as much of an underdog as a multi-million dollar instalment in a multi-billion dollar franchise can possibly be.

FF13 is a mixed bag. I hate that it goes out of its way to hold you back, and the main villain is just narratively and metatextually the most fucking annoying and frustrating aspect of the entire game. You could even say it has style over substance, to a point. But the style fucking rules, and as clunky as they can be, the characters are what shine here. Not the whole grimdark nihilistic plotline, not the artificially restrained levelling system - the characters. And the gameplay, if they didn't go out of their way to hobble it.

Play it if you want, but if you're gonna try and finish it, I would recommend making a promise to yourself to really commit to it, front to back. This isn't a game you get lost in and accidentally lose eight hours of your life in; how can you get lost when all the gameplay areas are narrow walkways pointed in a single direction?

#final fantasy 13 #lightningposting #long post