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stylesispunk · 6 months

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"I couldn't want you anymore" part 5

Artist! Joel Miller x Florist! Reader

series masterlist | previous chapter | next

summary: when Sarah's mom comes back into Joel's life to fight for their past relationship, Joel needs to convince her he is in a happy relationship with the florist next to his gallery in order to make her go away. The problem is, that he and the florist can't stand each other's guts or that it's what he thinks.

warning: age gap (Joel is 36 and reader is 28). Remember that "Bee" is reader's nickname, fluff, some feelings are being confessed (again), angst (poor reader) mentions of an accident, and conflicted emotions.

a/n: This one is more than 6k. I don't love this one as the last one, but I wanted to deliver this one to you. Sorry for the drama during this chapter, I was PMSing haha. Reblogs and comments are always appreciated, please share your thoughts with me, I love reading your comments and send ne any ask if you want ❤️ Sorry for any grammar mistake.💌 p.s the first line is a reference to all too well 😭

masterlist

After 3 long months in the grave. The flowers died of thirst. The place that once seemed full of life, now it was an empty street of broken pieces left behind by your ghost, and for Joel, passing by your shop every day seemed to be the hardest task of his life.

As time passed by, the cobblestones outside your shop remained empty, echoing the silence of what once was the first page of you and him. Joel couldn’t help but wonder how he had let something as precious as that slipped through his fingers, a regret that would haunt him for a long time to come.

Meanwhile, you found yourself far away from the streets of that life. Still in town, but trying to leave behind any trace of him and the painful memories of the night Joel broke your heart.

Your place now was next to Connell. After your castle crumbled, he was there, and before life separated the both of you, he fit in your life. He built the fire to kept you warm after the storm that left you stranded, and both of you had made the decision to give your love story a second chance. This time, taking tiny steps to build a steady castle. After all, he acted like a prince, taking you out on dates, and expressing his affection through gestures that left you feeling unworthy of his kindness.

You had become someone you weren’t. The one with the knife, a liar.

And these few weeks leading up to your new life in London were fulfilled by different emotions. You were busy taking care of some things, closing down your flower shop, and making arrangements for your upcoming journey. It was a bittersweet time filled with farewells to old friends, packing up your life, and starting to write the pages of your new book.

But you still thought of Joel, the memories of him were hard to erase. He remained a lingering presence in your thoughts. You could still see you both lost in those memories, but it was never real. You shared something that didn’t work beyond words and fake actions for the world to see. And you just hated your persistent temptation to ask what would be different if you had never let those three words escaped from your lips. You may still have moments together, he may still have been part of you, but at what cost?

During the course of these three months, Lily and Tommy got together. The news left you speechless at the beginning. You were happy for them even when it was unexpected. You never saw the signs or you were just mesmerized by the other Miller to even notice Tommy was making his way through your best friend’s heart. Now, they were building their own love story, creating a heartwarming contrast to your journey. Their relationship served as a reminder that love could be found in different places.

But for you, moving on wasn’t easy. The pain of a broken heart, mixed with the sweet memories you were leaving behind alongside the life you once knew, weighed heavily on your mind. And the biggest fear heightening over your shoulders was the intense fear of hurting Connell.

Connell, the one thing you did right in your life. The man you knew you wanted to marry once you met him, who had always treated you right. The thought of causing him to regret you because of pain was almost unbearable.

You knew he deserved nothing but happiness, and you wondered if your relationship with Joel had permanently damaged your capacity to truly commit to and reciprocate his love.

Of course, you loved him, but you just weren’t in love with him.

And you found yourself almost every night deeply sighing in the middle of the night, wondering if Joel was still up thinking about you the same way you still thought about him. And you bet he thought you still hated him, even when you had spent the last three months thinking about the minimal chance of him coming back to you, asking for your forgiveness, and stopping you from going to another country to start a new life.

But after three months, he had gone radio silent, and you were dreaming about him touching your face, asking if you wanted to try it for real this time.

And you despise yourself for it.

You had Connell giving you all his love, and you were becoming a knife ripping his heart.

Connell had been the one in charge of helping you to sell your shop, as you didn’t want to spend the time in that place and accidentally running into Joel.

Saying goodbye to the place you made so many memories was hitting hard on you, and you could see the love and concern in Connell’s eyes as he told he had managed the sale. Nevertheless, he spared you from details of the buyer’s identity and only walked straight to your room without uttering more words. He carried the weight of this decision on your behalf.

the next day, when he was supposed to go to the shop and give the new owner the keys of your now ex-flower shop. An emergency call prevented him from going, so he told you to go instead.

And you couldn’t lie, even when you had decided to distance yourself from your shop and everything associated with your past, the thought of saying a final goodbye in person didn’t seem like a bad idea. You wonder about the new owner's identity, the person who would now hold the keys to a place that had been a special of your life.

As you stood outside the shop, you took a deep breath to steady your trembling hands, so you stepped inside. The familiar scent of what was left of the flowers that once adorned the place, and the soft glow of sunlight streaming through the windows, made your heart break at the thought of leaving.

But in the end, your eyes fell upon the last person you expected to see, Joel. He seemed just as taken aback as you were.

“Bee,” he said, softly, making himself believe you were in front of him.

Your name seemed foreign slipping through his lips, the same ones brushing over your skin not long.

You even feared speaking and risking another goodbye.

For a moment, time stopped, as if the world outside these walls didn’t exist. Your heart pounded in your chest.

Your heart raced as your eyes locked onto his, and a mix of emotions surged within you.

"Joel," you finally managed to say, your voice carrying surprise. His presence stirred memories, both beautiful and painful, and it was hard for you to face them. "What are you doing here?"

Joel hesitated, his eyes searching yours for a sign of understanding. "I… Connell sold your shop to Tommy” he said.

Your heart constricted at the mention of Connell selling the shop to Tommy. You knew there was more behind that statement. You had gotten to know Joel to know he was lying through his teeth right now, but you had rather ignore that feeling settling in your heart.

He cleared his throat. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

"Tommy bought the shop?" you asked, trying to wrap your head around the situation.

Joel nodded, his gaze never leaving yours. "Yes, he did. He thought it would be nice since you love this place so much.”

That stirred a mix of emotions within you, but you pushed them aside for the moment. “And why are you here instead?

“He couldn’t make it and I thought Connell was coming” Joel answered, "But it’s nice to see you.”

The tension in the room was palpable, and the weight of unspoken words hung heavily in the air between you and Joel. The past few weeks, becoming in three months , had left their mark, and you weren't sure how to navigate life with those permanent wounds.

Joel's presence, felt so strange to you now. The familiarity of his face, his voice, and the way he looked at you brought back a flood of memories of the stolen kisses you found yourself missing so much.

“When are you leaving?” He asked, knowing that this would be the last time he was going to be able to have you in front of him.

“In a week” you answered shortly.

Joel's heart sank at the confirmation. He had everything in his hands to prevent the end of your story, but he didn’t want to stop you from finding peace and happiness in the arms of a man who truly deserved you in every way. You had chosen to start a new chapter in London with Connell, and he was the character from a chapter you were leaving behind.

He looked at you, searching for something in your eyes, a glimpse of the love you told him you felt for him. But it was hard to read your emotions. You felt a foreigner before his eyes.

"I see," he replied, trying to hide the pain in his voice.

The room felt heavy with unsaid words and unfinished written pages. You both had left things unsaid, Joel especially, and the future was uncertain. You couldn't help but feel the pull of what once was, even as you tried to move forward with your life.

Joel realized he had to make his peace with your decision. He had been given a chance to say those three words, three months ago, and he had to accept that he had ruined his opportunity with you. Your upcoming goodbye was a reminder that time was running out for him to say what needed to be said.

"Bee, I won't hold you back," he said, his voice gentle. "But before you go, there's something I need to tell you."

Your gaze met his, and you could see the sincerity in his eyes. There was a vulnerability in him that you had rarely seen. Joel's next words would be crucial and may be a turning point for both of you.

As Joel was on the edge of saying something, the door chimed softly as it opened.

It was Connell. His entrance created an unexpected interruption, and the atmosphere grew tense.

You shared a brief glance with Joel, and the weight of the unspoken words lingered heavily.

Joel addressed Connell first; his voice laced with an attempt to save you from any problem. "We were just saying goodbye.”

Connell acknowledged this with a nod but couldn't shake the feeling that he had walked into something else.

“I thought you were busy,” you said to Connell, walking to his side.

“I finished earlier” he gave you a small smiled as he touched one of your arms “You can wait for me outside” he told you, trying to give you reassurance.

You nodded, glancing one last time at Joel, the tension remained inside the room, and the words Joel had been on the verge of sharing with you were left hanging in the air.

And you finally exited the room, saying your last goodbye to Joel without uttering a word.

Once you left the shop, Connell spoke first, his voice carrying a serious tone "Joel, I know you want her to forgive you, but I want you to know that she's important to me and I love her."

Joel nodded, understanding the weight of Connell's words. "I know, Connell. And you've been good to her. I've seen that."

Connell hesitated, searching Joel's eyes for sincerity. "She deserves to be happy.”

Joel's gaze was unwavering as he replied, "I know she does. And if that means she's happier with you, then I won't stand in the way."

Connell kept silence for a moment. “You didn’t tell her, did you?”

Joel shook his head.

“Thank you. She would have killed me if she knew I sold the shop to you”, Connell said, with a tint of humor in his tone.

Joel managed a small smile at Connell's comment. It was an attempt to lighten the atmosphere even though the underlying tension remained. "I wouldn't have wanted to give her another reason to be mad at me."

Connell nodded in understanding. "I appreciate that, Joel. I just want her to have a fresh start, free from all this mess”

Joel's gaze turned thoughtful. "I want that too, Connell. She deserves to move on and be happy."

Connell looked at Joel for a moment. “You made her happy too. Don’t blame yourself too hard, Joel”

Joel met Connell's gaze, gratitude and sadness intertwined in his eyes. "Thank you, Connell. It means a lot to hear that from you."

The two men shared a silent moment, the weight of feeling they both share for you intertwined lives somehow.

Joel took a deep breath, finally breaking the silence. "I should get going. You both have a new life to start."

Connell extended his hand, and Joel shook it firmly. "Take care of her, Connell."

Connell nodded; his grip steady. "I will, Joel. And you take care of yourself too."

With that, Joel turned and walked away, leaving behind the memories he shared with you inside this place, the first stolen glances, the fighting, the laughter, and the cups of coffee you left for him every morning. All that being left behind, buried.

As Joel stepped out of the shop, he turned and locked eyes with you for what felt like the last time. The weight on both of your hearts hung in the air. In that fleeting moment, your gazes held longing and hurt. You were the tear hanging inside his heart.

And Joel's eyes searched yours for a final glimpse of love. He had wanted to say so much, but the timing had never been right, and now it was too late, but he hoped that you’d find your way back in the end.

You met his gaze with sadness and understanding. There was something about him that made your heart clench. He had been the man who touched your soul before your skin, and how would it be possible for you to forget about that?

You offered a small nod, and he returned it in kind, sharing that secret language you both learned, as a silent goodbye.

Was that “I love you” the worst thing he had ever heard?

And then, as quickly as it had begun, Joel turned and walked away, disappearing into the distance. The chapter you had shared was closing, and as he faded from view, you knew it was time to look ahead, to embrace the new beginning that awaited next to Connell miles away.

Connell watched that unspoken interaction and sensed the weight on your shoulders. He walked over to you, and gently pressed a kiss on your forehead, as a tender gesture, a silent promise of a future without wounds to take care of. With his kiss, he silently looked for reassurance that you weren’t having second thoughts.

.....

The warmth of the evening had set the perfect backdrop for a dinner in the backyard. You and Connell had prepared a delightful spread of chicken, grilled vegetables, and a bottle of wine that Connell had selected for sharing with your friends. Lily and Tommy sat around the wooden patio table, the soft glow of string lights overhead casting a warm glow.

As Tommy and Connell got engrossed in a conversation about their favorite sports teams, you and Lily found yourselves drawn to the quieter solace of the backyard. There, under the starry sky, you could speak without being overheard.

You looked at them, attentive, with a serious expression, your eyes reflected the soft, flickering light.

Lily glanced at you; concern etched across her face. "A penny for your thoughts, Bee bee?”

You took a deep breath, “I think I’m a little bit nervous about next week.”

Lily's eyes filled with understanding as she listened intently. “Nervous about London? Or leaving Joel behind?”

Your gaze shifted, and you looked at Lily with surprise. It was as if she had read your thoughts, as always. You nodded slowly. "Both, actually.”

Lily leaned in closer, her voice a soft, comforting murmur. "Bee, it's okay to have mixed feelings. Leaving behind a place and someone who meant so much to you is never easy. But it's also the beginning of this new adventure with Connell."

You sighed, feeling grateful for Lily's understanding. She made you feel at ease with your racing thoughts. “I just wish it were simpler, you know? I don't want to hurt anyone. I couldn’t forgive myself if I hurt Connell”

At that moment, your and Connell's gazes met from the distance. He gave you a big smile which you mirrored, but it didn’t reach your eyes.

You felt Lily’s hand on yours as a gesture of reassurance. “You have a big heart, Bee. Connell loves you for who you are. Trust in that."

Lily's words were a soothing balm to your worried mind. Her support and the warm of her friendship alongside the starry evening created a special moment in her last days in this place. You knew that leaving the past behind was never a straightforward journey, but it was reassuring to have a friend who understood your complexities.

As Connell's gaze met yours and you exchanged smiles, once again, you realized that your anxieties didn't mean you loved him any less. The weight of the past could coexist with the past, and maybe you could learn how to fall in love with him again.

Joel managed a fragile smile, and he held your hand as if it were the lifeline he needed at that moment.

Sarah and Tommy lingered in the doorway, watching the two of you with tiny smiles on their faces.

Joel spoke softly, "I'm sorry for worrying you, Bee."

You shook your head, your voice filled with genuine concern. "Don’t say anything” you said as you laid your head on his chest, as if hearing the beating of his heart would reassure you, he was going to be okay.

As you leaned your head against Joel's chest, seeking comfort in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, you didn't notice Connell watching the two of you from the hospital lobby. His expression was unreadable. There was concern, understanding, and a tinge of jealousy.

Connell had supported you through everything since you both were eighteen years old, and he loved you deeply. But seeing you in this moment with Joel stirred emotions within him that he couldn't fully process, leaving a siren in his mind.

Sarah and Tommy decided to leave the room, giving the two of you some privacy. Joel's hand gently rested on your back, his fingers tracing comforting patterns down your spine as if his fingers were brushes tracing lines on your back.

Joel spoke again "Bee, I know I've made a mess of things, but I want you to know that you mean a lot to me. More than I can put into words."

You didn't respond with words. Instead, you tightened your grip on him, holding him close, and Connell remained in the background, his thoughts and feelings his own, as you and Joel found peace in each other's presence.

Once you were back home, you were awfully quiet for Connell’s like. He had seen the way your face sparkled when you were with Joel in his room, how you held him tight, and how you seemed terrified at the thought of losing him.

It was the moment in which Connell realized he wasn’t the one anymore, but he didn’t want to admit it. He wanted to hold onto the memories.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked you, trying to make you talk.

Connell's voice pulled you out of the storm inside your mind since your arrival from the hospital. You turned to face him, offering a faint smile that didn't quite reach your eyes.

"I'm okay, Connell," you replied, though your tone carried a hint of sadness. "Just a lot to process."

He nodded; concern showed across his features. "I understand. It's a lot to take in. But you know I'm here for you, right?"

You appreciated Connell's support more than you could express. He had been a rock in your life. It was just the reappearance of Joel after these three months and the accident had stirred up a multitude of feelings you thought didn’t exist.

"I do,” you said, reaching out to take his hand. "You've been amazing, and I love you for that."

Connell's smile brightened at your words, and he squeezed your hand gently. "I love you too” he declared as he kissed your temple, as a way to find reassurance.

You hugged Connell tightly as if to reassure yourself that you were still grounded in the present, even as the past loomed large in your heart and mind.

But for Connell, the pages were clearly written and he knew your heart didn’t belong to him anymore.

One week later, and the night before your departure for London, everything seemed bittersweet around you. You were finished packing what was the last of your belongings, and the weight of leaving your life behind was the heavier suitcase you were carrying.

During the last week, you didn’t see Joel. All the updates about his recovery were through Lily, and the only thing you knew was that he had been dispatched from the hospital today.

You really wanted things between Connell and you to work out, so you made your promise to not see Joel again in order to do that. That night in the hospital was the goodbye you needed, and that was it. He was okay, so you were okay. You had bled, but your wounds would heal sooner than later.

Nevertheless, Connell had been watching your movements for the last few days, and now, as you were carefully folding your clothes and going through the last-minute preparations. He found the strength to speak up.

"There's something I've been thinking about," Connell began, his eyes reflecting the depths of his feelings.

You paused in your packing, looking into Connell's eyes, eager to hear what he had to say. "What is it?”

Connell took a deep breath, struggling to find the right words. " I don't want to be the reason for your regrets."

Your heart pounded in your chest as Connell spoke, tears welled up in your eyes.

“You love him,” he said in a breathy voice.

He wasn’t thinking about himself anymore, or where you would go after this, he was thinking about you.

“Connell, we’re leaving tomorrow. I’m with you and I love you” you whispered, trying to convince him, and mostly yourself at the same time.

Connell nodded, his own eyes brimming with tears. "You love me, I know, but you’re not in love with me.”

You wiped away a tear, your voice trembling. "Connell"

“You’re in love with Joel and he is in love with you”, he declared.

As much as he was devasted by the thought of letting you go, he wanted you to be happy. He would give you everything, even when he would be a little in between for a while.

You shook your head. “He isn’t.”

“Then why did he buy your shop?”

“What?” Your eyes widened. You felt shocked and confused. “Why?”

Connell reached out and took your hand, his touch warm and reassuring. "I think he did it because he thought you would come back and because he is in love with you.”

Connell gazed at you with a mixture of sadness and love. "And I love you enough to let you go” " He said “You need more time to figure things out, and I don’t want you to go with me if you can’t do that.”

His words pierced your heart.

“I don’t want you to hate me,” you said, whispering.

Connell chuckled softly, Connell squeezed your hand gently, and then he cupped your face with his hand to look at you in the eyes. “Nothing you say or you do would make me hate you” You leaned in his touch and hugged him tightly, crying on his shoulder.

“I love you more than I could express.” You mumbled.

Connell held you tightly, his embrace filled with love, even though he knew it was time to let you go. His heart was heavy.

And the next morning, with one last, lingering kiss, you and Connell let each other go. You watched him boarding the plane, and as it took off, your eyes watered, you let your tears fall down your cheeks.

That plane carried Connell away from your life again, and you held onto the final image of Connell, offering a gentle wave and a bittersweet smile, muttering an “I love you” at you before disappearing from your sight.

Once you got in your car, you felt the weight of your emotions pressing down on you like a heavy blanket suffocating you. All the love, guilt, sadness, and anger crunched your heart, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

In the spare of seconds, Joel came to your mind and you felt anger surging through your veins like fire. You couldn’t help but blame him for ruining the opportunity you had to move on. You questioned yourself why you still wanted to go back to him and why he was coming back to you in your dreams as if he wanted to taunt you, and your frustration grew.

With a burning feeling settled in your chest, you made your way to Joel's house. You couldn't understand why he had bought your shop, why he had disrupted your life once again, so once you arrived, you stormed out of the car, determined to confront him.

You stood at his doorstep, your knuckles brushing against the wood, your heart pounding in your chest. When the door opened, there he stood, still bandaged from the accident. He looked surprised at seeing you here.

"Joel," you began, your voice laced with anger. "Why?”

His brows furrowed, and he stammered "Bee, I thought you'd be on a plane to London with Connell by now."

You met his surprised gaze with anger. "I was supposed to be, but Connell stopped me from it.”

Joel seemed surprised, but something in his gaze showed relief at knowing you would still be here. He stepped aside, allowing you to enter his house, and you both moved to the living room. The familiar surroundings seemed to echo with memories of your last time together. The three words you confessed to him, the way he broke your heart, and then you walked out of his life.

“Why did you lie to me?” you demanded “Why did you tell Tommy bought my shop, when it was really you?”

You were met with silence.

“Why did you buy it, Joel?” you shouted.

“Because I knew you would come back to me,” he said, as a matter of fact. Simply as if he owned you.

Your anger flared at his audacity. "You can't just manipulate my life like that, Joel! You can't decide things for me without even asking” Your voice suddenly deepened. “And for what do you even want me?” you asked “For playing with my fee-“

Joel's lips crashed onto yours, and for a moment, you were stunned into silence. The kiss was intense and filled with all the longing and regret Joel felt.

As he pulled away, his eyes bore into yours with an intensity that took your breath away. "I bought the shop because I couldn't bear to see you go without a chance for us to make things right."

You were caught between anger and desire, your heart racing from the sudden kiss. "Joel, you can't just kiss me and expect everything to be fixed."

He reached out to cup your face, even with one of his hands broken, his thumb gently tracing your cheek. "I'm not expecting that, Bee. I just needed you to know that I love you”

Torn between your anger and the lingering love you felt, you took a step back, away from his touch.

“What?”

“I love you,” he said, not taking his eyes off you. “I’m in love with you.”

Your eyes and mouth were wide open, but you still managed to shoot him a glare. You could pretend you didn’t hear him and leave. You didn’t trust yourself right now, but his big brown eyes prevented her from walking away.

He told you he was in love with you.

Your voice wavered as you replied, "Joel, you can't just say that now. Not after everything that happened."

He took a step closer, his eyes searching yours. "I know I should have said it earlier, and I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused. But it's the truth, Bee. I love you, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes me to make things right."

You struggled to maintain your composure, you were shocked,

“Are you going to say something?” he whispered.

"Joel, it's not that simple” you spoke

He nodded, his expression earnest. "I understand that. I know we have a lot to work through, and I'm willing to take the time and the effort.”

Your heart ached at his words, and the internal battle you had been fighting raged on. "Joel, I need time to think and process all of this. I can't make any promises right now."

Joel reached out to gently touch your arm, a silent plea in his eyes. "I'll give you the time you need, Bee. Just promise me you won't leave” he said, cupping your face.

You found yourself relaxing with his presence and touch, by nodding your head as a silence promise.

"Okay,” you whispered.

Your head was a thunderstorm of infinite questions running through your head. You had so many, but you didn’t know where to start.

He smiled at you, and that made you lose your mind and you don’t know what to do, what to express, or how to act.

“I’m glad you’re okay” you whispered.

Joel's smile held a genuine warmth, and his thumb traced soothing patterns on your cheek. "I'm glad I'm okay too, and I'm grateful you're still here."

The two of you stood there in a moment of fragility as your eyes locked onto Joel’s.

You had to go before you lost your mind, and you needed space to clear your head. You took a step back, your gaze not quite meeting his.

"I need to go now, Joel. I need time to think."

Joel's expression showed understanding, and he nodded. "I get it, Bee. Take all the time you need."

You turned and headed for the door; your steps were slow as if a string was pulling into him. The weight of what started as a simple game between you two, the confusion of the present and the uncertainty of the future were heavy on your shoulders. You needed time to heal your scars, to figure out what your heart truly wanted.

Before leaving, you glanced back at Joel, and for a brief moment, your eyes met again, unspoken words flowing in the air. Then, you stepped out, leaving behind the man who had both broken and mended your heart, and who now waited for your decision.

It was his time to wait now.

a/n: Okay, so now he bought the shop because he knew she was going to come back to him somehow and he wanted to have it for her because the flower shop was important to her and after all, he has the keys to her heart (yes, as cheesy as it sounds). Now, he has to fix everything and suffer a little because the reader (bee) has to be loved. btw I'm already thinking about the next fic

tags: @joeldjarin @borhapparker @fatima-marisa @kirsteng42 @paleidiot @harriedandharassed @runningmom94 @pedr0swh0r3 @ssacharcoalgrey

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blingblong55 · 9 months

Text

Playing Pretend- König

Based on a request:

Hi i’m new to request but i want to request if you can do a reader x konig being parents for a day. They were assigned to do a silly task but it becomes a disaster. Thank you and i love your posts!! -🧸🎀

F!Reader, fluff,

A/N: I have no idea how to write a healthy family dynamic....sorry. Will be a quick one...

The past few months have been a blur since you entered KorTac. From solo missions to team missions to now this, playing pretend with your friend and teammate König. Connell, the name of the infant you and he had to take care of to pass as a family to gather intel. It was nerve-wracking, the infant cried and at times you and König planned on aborting the mission.

The first night was stressful, Connell slept through the night well, but you and König didn't know how to trust yourselves with the infant as it slept. König, slept 3 hours and you the other three. From almost midnight to 5 in the morning you both took turns sleeping. Three days into the mission to gather intel, you had created a schedule. From 11 at night to 2 in the morning he slept, from 2 to 5 am you slept, he'd give you more time to sleep and in the time he was awake he'd wake Connell up, make breakfast and then he would wake you up.

It was around 0530 when you woke up, Connell was running around, giggling as König chased him around the house you three pretend to have. "Dada! No!" Connell giggled as König finally caught him and started to tickle him. They were in the living room, trying to keep their laughter down because they thought you were asleep. Before the mission, Connell was told your names were Dada and Mummy. You two weren't too excited about this but whatever helped the mission. König stopped laughing once he saw you leaning on the doorway, It was rare to see your teammates especially him being so, domestic and father-like to the infant. You had seen him kill men in the field with such little effort.

2 months passed and you had gathered the intel necessary for the team. You three went back to base and said your goodbyes, König would be deployed to Asia, Connell would be sent to an orphanage in Ireland and you'd be stuck in base. When what was a dream ended, and you were all alone in your room at 3 a.m., you thought of the fun nights you had with König and Connell.

It was 1 a.m. when Connell woke you guys up. "Dada...I can't sleep.." his tiny voice and his tiny touches on König, woke him up. By then you two had gotten used to Connell and slept all through the night.

He and Connell were in the kitchen, drinking milk from the carton, König said something that made Connell giggle. "Oh dada, you are funny." Connell of the counter, looking up at the giant man. "Conny, you can't tell mummy about this okay?" Connell nods. It brings you warmth, a feeling of longing in your chest at this site. It was adorable how much König had bonded with the infant.

Four months later, König appears at your door, flowers in hand, "Liebling, I can't keep doing this, pretending you aren't who I want to be with." So he had been thinking of you, good to know. For days you two spent talking about the past four months, getting to know the other on more personal levels.

~6 Years later~

He was in the kitchen, with small giggles and light footsteps that ran from the heavier ones. You were in your shared bedroom, cat in arms as you stood up from the bed. As you approached, you saw the image you longed for years ago. Conny sitting on the countertop, König holding your newborn as he and Conny drank milk from the carton. He wanted you to rest, so he took the children out of the room so you could watch a show and relax.

"Mummy!" Conny smiles as he sees his mother. You and König wanted him to be a part of your family. You walked to Conny and kissed the top of his head. "Hey, I wanted you to rest." König's voice was soft. KorTac found Conny was still in the orphanage, they pulled some strings and hours later, he was brought in by Declan. You and he started a family by playing pretend, playing house...and now you get to have a life away from wars and guns.

You and him retired 1 year into having Connell as your child. He got a job as an instructor at the police academy, he became a housewife, and at times you too would give classes at the academy.

A/N: I literally have no clue if this makes sense...I might edit it later

200 notes · View notes

papercupids · 11 months

Text

here (always).

pairing -> seungmin x reader. ft. bang chan.

warnings -> a lot of parental trauma on both y/n and seungmin's side, alcohol, seungmin is a jerk and then eventually transitions into something that resembles connell from normal people, some curses here and there.

word count -> 9.5k

summary -> as kids of the rival businessmen, all you and seungmin have been taught is to hate the other family with passion and to be better than them always, but its only about time when you fall in love with each other and he messes up. will he ever get to make it better?

a/n -> this is loosely inspired by our beloved summer (the kdrama) & normal people (the book + the show) and i've been writing this fic since august last year :") its only recently that i got the motivation to finish it !!! lemme know what y'all think??

listen to this playlist for songs that remind me of seungmin!

act i. last year of highschool, midterms result.

“And for the first place, we have two people who are quite close to the other, kim seungmin and-”

The microphone boomed through the filled but silent auditorium, everybody was on the edge of their seats about the midterm result, but one thing was certain, deep down, they knew it would be either you or Kim seungmin in the first place. It was annoying how many times jiung from section c, or geum hee from section a, and many others had wanted their name to be announced by the greasy voiced announcer but had failed.

Yes, you. You didn’t need to hear your name even to know it was you. It always has been that way, the both of you fighting for the first place.

“However, their results differ just by a point,”

This piqued your interest, you knew your mother wouldn’t let you live it down if you let seungmin win ever.

“y/n l/n, congratulations!”

Claps erupted from the hall and two rows from you, you could see seungmin smirk as he clapped too, but slowly and sarcastic, he’d lost but somehow he still managed to have that annoying smirk plastered over his face. You aren’t one to back down though, you bow down dramatically and offer him the most shiteating grin that you can muster.

From the last three years, it has been this way, both of you just a point ahead of the other or sometimes not even that, just quite literally neck to neck. And this, to the amusement of both of your parents, has become a regular topic of discussion at the dinner table.

It seemed like both of your families were destined to be rivals, your fathers in business, mothers in the bragging part and then the children in the academic stuff. And you weren’t quite sure why the two families would still insist on having dinner together occasionally, stabbing each other with words as much as possible.

“To y/n, to the perfect 499 you scored,” you rolled your eyes, as yeji fake toasted her water bottle, she knew you hated the whole thing because a) it was worthless b) even if you thought it was worthless, you had to work your ass off for it.

“I don’t know how you do it honestly, i’m practically dead with my 450,”

“You know i don’t have a choice,”

She nods understandingly.

"i feel bad for seungmin, you know, losing by just one point? he's gotta have a dent on his ego for sure,"

"let's rub it in," you smirk

The break was almost ending and you see seungmin entering the class, his friends cheering him on as well. You nod at yeji and get up, mischief on your mind, and tap at seungmin’s shoulder. The boys quiet down as they see you.

“Congratulations,” he extends his hand to meet yours.

“For losing to me again,” you wink as you sit on his desk.

“Oh, come on, all of us know, i just let you win,”

“You’re one sore loser, seungmin,” you roll your eyes and get up. “See you at dinner.”

The conversations resume but seungmin looks at you, chatting away with yeji then joining a couple of other people, picking up your backpack and then ultimately leaving the classroom.

He hated that he lost again, he knew very well he could have done better.

But then he shrugged, there’s always a next time.

the dinner was as crisp as the first few times, in one of those restaurants you could have a closed off booth. thankfully, or you didn't know what you would do if others could listen to the petty bickerings your parents were doing.

the greetings are through gritted teeth, seungmin looks completely dashing in a tuxedo, but his eyes are downcast. this was one of those times you felt sorry for the whatever jerk façade he had on, in school and here he was what he really could be.

it was fixed that whenever the results would be out, both of your families would go out for dinner, under the pretext of "celebrating their kids' hard work"

but you knew it was far from that, it was just something where they could brag about their own families and insist on paying the bill.

“So, seungmin, where are you looking at for college?” your mom asked, she wasn’t actually interested in knowing where seungmin was going she just wanted some material to compare you to later, to taunt you on how his choice would be better.

“Oh, actually, the same as y/n,”

“So the national university, then?”

He nods, chewing through his food.

“I doubt he’ll make it though, the way he’s studying,” his dad interjects.

And you swear you can see his face betraying him for a moment but he keeps a poker face as he says, “i’m gonna work harder, father,”

“You better,” your mum offers, “i want to keep on having these dinners, at least until you both bring your spouses to us, here,”

Seungmin’s mom chuckles, “yeah, then, you can continue the legacy, with your kids,”

You, for one, knew that this was something both you and seungmin could collectively agree on, to never do the same your parents did with your kids.

While you say your goodbyes, your mum holds you both and says, “i hope you get in the university, i really do, and you should work hard for it!”

“We will,” you both smile to each other before leaving.

Late that night, you have your headphones on as you look through your books, deciding what subject to study next as you munch on an apple.

This is the time you enjoy, the night, the silence, your music and-

The changing of the track allows you to hear the light taps on your window, and you run to it, light steps as if anybody would even pay attention to those sounds.

Sliding the window open, a brunette guy, about your age, comes inside, wearing a blue hoodie covering his head.

And kim seungmin.

“Hi,” he grins as you pull him in for a hug.

He smells of the outside, the night and the comfort. For as long as you live then, you’ll always associate this fragrance with someone you love - deeply, truly.

As you pull away, your face is just inches apart from his.

“I’m so proud of you,” he cups your face then kisses your forehead.

And then another kiss, this time on the lips. “I love you,”

This had been going for a while now, when two people are in the same shitty situation together, going through it with a person who’s having the same hell as you makes it easier.

Later, you’re on the bed, lying fully clothed, looking at the beige ceiling of your room, your hands intertwined, its the way he makes you feel, like there's no train you're running to catch, no flight that's leaving, you're here and he's here, it's content.

“Do you think i’ll make it? In college, i mean,”

You turn to look at him, “you’re one of the most intelligent people i’ve ever met, seungmin, you shouldn’t be doubting yourself just because your dad said so,”

“Right,”

you make a dissatisfied noise.

“Look at me,” you make him look at you, “we’ll both be alright, okay?”

“Okay,” a grin makes way on his face.

"i don't know though, i shouldn't doubt myself but everytime he says shit like this, i just end up wondering if i should really even do this, i don't even know if i'm capable enough, i just really don't want to disappoint him ever,"

"c'mon, minnie, we both know he's just frustrated and he can't find a better outlet than you because god knows how your mother would just stab him on the spot if he said something like that to her,"

"right, it just hurts sometimes,"

and you turn to him, brushing his cheeks with your thumb, "i'm sorry,"

he hums in response.

"you know i'm always here, right?"

you kiss him on the cheek.

he just smiles a little in response.

And you don’t know when you fall asleep, just that seungmin’s arms are the best place to sleep, better than any expensive pillow you could ever sleep on. When the sunlight hits your eyes, you’re alone, and much to your dismay, a pillow in place of where seungmin was.

In your chats with seungmin, he has attached a picture, of you sleeping, “i shall now blackmail you with this photograph - fail the next exam, or this is going to be on every phone in seoul haha”

You type back, “oh no shit i guess that way they can have a new wallpaper ;)”

Seungmin replies “🤢 i dont think ive ever seen anybody as narcissistic as you”

You quickly text back as you button your shirt, “yes u have”

Another text, “in the mirror”

To which he sends a rolling eyes emoji.

After saying goodbye and “see you at school” you quickly delete the chat with him before heading downstairs for breakfast.

You didn’t understand why seungmin insisted on keeping the whole secret, but then looking around at the breakfast table with your parents trying to explain to the cooks about some new diet they’d heard about from seungmin’s parents, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. The idea of a competition was instilled so deep into their minds that they wouldn’t have ever even thought about such a thing.

And at school, it’s the same day over and over again every week with the only relief being the student sitting about two benches ahead in the row next to yours. He smiled at you when no one was looking and a look passed between you both, which was somehow more precious than any grand gesture could have been.

And the nights, your favourite part of the day, where you could be yourself, no guards up. Just him and you and all of your plans for each other, some music too maybe, but that’s it. In those moments, no stress could touch you, no harm. It was just bliss, just you both.

In that moment, you swear you could see forever, maybe a lifetime with him.

But reality caught up with you in the morning, that even if a forever was there, with him for you, there were too many challenges in the way, challenges that were exhausting but you were still getting to them, one step at a time, as he kept your ship afloat.

just as the school year progresses, the one social event you'd been dreading catches up quick as you sit in the cafeteria, sipping on some apple juice as some members from the council are busy lining the hallways with banners of the school colours, purple with yellow, and on it, written in block letters, 'the annual dance.'

as if sensing that you are thinking about it, yujin takes a bite from a sandwich as she asks, "have you thought about who you're gonna take?"

"i don't think i'm gonna attend, it's useless anyway,"

"oh, come on, these are the years you'll later miss, you'll be 67 someday and when your kids ask you about the fun stories of your youth, you'll have nothing, do you want that?"

"i think you're just overdramatising it,"

"and you're not paying attention to me, you NEED to come,"

you sigh, there was sometimes no way to win an argument with yujin and you hoped somebody from the table would rescue you but all the other girls were engrossed in their own topics. most of them, about the dance.

the truth was, you would be lying if you said you entirely didn't want to go, because you did but you weren't sure what that would entail. and a small part, okay, alright not that small but it wished seungmin would ask you to the dance.

it seemed impossible with the status of your relationship in the public but you hoped you could get past it, because as yujin said, these would be the days you'd end up missing.

but anyway you weren't even sure if dances were even seungmin’s thing.

so you sipped the last of the apple juice as yujin ran you through the pros of attending the dance.

"you can ask hyunjin, he has literally been eyeing you since the freshman year,"

"ew, what no, come on, yujin,"

"well, what about yongbok then?"

"no,"

"jeongin?"

"as if."

"hey! what about seungmin?"

and you can't even muster a clever response to that, yujin, thankfully doesn't seem to notice that she's struck a nerve. she continues chewing through the rest of her food and then finally, sighing, "at least sleep on it, okay? i want you there, really,"

you thank your friend and then head back to class, an entire day of books, notes and more books awaiting you.

the upcoming nights, there are just texts, "i can't come, i'm too tired," and there was no way you could have made 2 steps out of your own home without being caught so couldn't really blame seungmin.

but thank god for facetimes then. whatever you were doing, whether it was making notes for biology or tidying up your wardrobe, he was there, watching you, smiling at your little circumstantial jokes.

and after he fell asleep, you would look up at the ceiling till you could fall asleep, wondering how long someone could keep a secret.

maybe college would bring something more solid, and promising for you both. you desperately hoped it would.

you don't know why but on this particularly cloudy day as your family decided to drive out for lunch, your mind went out to the day you first met seungmin. you had been known him since freshman year but this was the incident that really made you see see him, in a different light altogether.

it was about march, and the air was crisp with the onset of spring, it was the perfect day for your physical education period where everybody was pondering whether they should play dodgeball or volleyball and they were actually serious about it.

but you weren't quite in the mood to play, and looking back you didn’t even know if it was a lie or just something you were doing out of sheer boredom but you were heading straight to the nurse's office when you heard soft piano sounds from the auditorium because the door was slightly ajar and the tunes were so delicate and just flowing together that it almost sounded like someone was playing a prerecorded track.

but when you stepped in, you saw him, sitting on the bench and playing through, completely engrossed and as you move closer you realise he's also humming some lyrics.

you take a seat in one of the chairs, the melody providing a great relief to your ears as compared to the nonsensical chatter of your classmates and he's way too much into it to notice you there anyway.

and he slows down his movements on the piano as the tune ends on a light note, he finally turns, freezing when he spots you there.

expecting a snarky comment from you, he's picking up his backpack.

"that was good,"

he didn't think you were physically capable of compliments, so he just stood there, trying to make sense of it.

"thank you?"

"i didn't know you played, your parents never told mine i think,"

"don't tell them." it comes out as a threat when its actually meant as a request. he'd learnt how to play it from a friend and he didn't want his parents to know because they'd be all over him for wasting his time on something that 'unproductive'.

"oh, um, okay,"

and that was the day you began wondering about an aspect of the boy you were used to knowing, it became endearing to you the fact that he could have a whole lot of himself away from those pretentiousness of it all.

and after that it's just inevitable, somehow you keep bumping into each other, sometimes during grocery shoppings, sometimes during bus rides the seat next to him would be vacant and you'd just sit there. any enmity was just pushed back gradually, as if you both were just different people here, new versions of yourself, it was almost refreshing.

and then came the planned meetings, at cafès and small restaurants way too far from home so you couldn't have a chance to be recognised by anyone.

it just meant something that was meant to fall in place.

seungmin is tired; tired of sitting every day at the same dining table and being pulled apart, for every little thing he does or doesn't. he tries to concentrate on his food, on every strand of the noodles he's eating, on every crunch of the meat, so that the things he's actually meant to hear will tune out.

"and it's coming up," turning to him, his mother looks at him eagerly, "when is it?"

"when is what?"

"the dance?"

"somewhere in december,"

"seungmin, today is the 5th,"

oh, that could be the reason his face feels drier than usual, oh, it was also snowing. he needs to pay better attention to his calendar.

only if he wasn't spiraling though.

he's convinced the only thing that's keeping him rooted and connected to reality is you.

"i think before christmas,"

"have you asked someone yet?"

he imagines the kind of trauma he would unleash upon himself, all the members sitting on the table and the servers, who are alert at every movement each of them makes, to refill every glass to ensure the stew is hot, if he announces he's dating you.

it would be hilarious in some other universe, but right now he was here, and if he was going to survive anymore of dinner at the same table, he needed to be rational.

"i haven't yet, i plan to soon,"

"you better, i don't want to hear about my son being a complete loner who doesn't even date, we don't want you being labelled as 'the nerd',"

seungmin's mother sheepishly asks, "do you know if y/n's taking someone?"

"i don't know,"

he's not even sure what you think of dances.

"you need to be better, seungmin, be better,"

it's the one dialogue which keeps on playing in his head, long after he's asleep, even in nightmares the monsters aren't chasing him to kill him, they're asking him to "be better, do better," and it stings as he lets it slide like he always has.

everywhere around you, you can see people holding hands, newly in love, their futures after the dance unknown.

the public displays almost makes you want to throw up but then you kinda wish you were holding hands with that one guy across a few tables, too, he's smiling at something someone said but as he catches your eye, he smiles at you, blinking twice.

"i love you!" you want to scream to the whole cafeteria, standing on one of the tables. "i love you so much that i can't hide it anymore, i wish we didn't have to,"

it wouldn't be of any use, he's not keeping it under wraps voluntarily, and you know that.

the sandwich on your plate doesn't look quite desirable but you're hungry enough to eat it in slow and unsatisfactory bites.

there's a sudden pause in the discussions of the girls at your table, and yeji moves in closer to you.

"do you know who asked yujin to the dance?"

you arch your eyebrows and then look at the mentioned person who is engrossed in conversation with one of your other friends, karina, and they are most probably going through their outfits for the dance.

"uh huh,"

"your arch-nemesis,"

your hand froze at the side of the table where you kept it for support and you stopped mid way of chewing your bland sandwich, and stomach lurched out, threatening to make you throw up in front of the entire cafeteria. you just pray yeji can't see it.

"i'm so surprised, right? i've never even seen seungmin look at her even,"

and you can't process the rest of the gossip which she seems to nonchalantly throw around.

"are you sure?" you ask, you can feel your lips begin to tremble.

"what do you mean 'are you sure?' i saw it, he asked her in the library, and she rolled her eyes at him but then obviously said yes."

as the bell rings, you dump the rest of your sandwich in the trash, and walk back to class, where seungmin is settling in his desk and dropping the books for the period that's about to follow, on the desk.

since the bell is about to ring, people are hurrying about trying to fit in a few minutes of free time before the agony of the class begins and running around; someone once said, what the school truly is, you can only know at lunch time. or not. maybe you just made that up in your panic and anxiety as you approach seungmin wordlessly and grab his hand, leaving no room for argument as you drag him out of the class, to the staircase where no one cares enough to go and whoever does has already left.

"in public, y/n? really?"

you can't answer him, so you blankly stare at his face.

"you asked yujin to the dance."

he shrugs, how was everything of so little meaning to him?

"yes, i guess,"

"i guess? do i really mean that little to you?"

"y/n, are you hearing yourself? we can't be seen together like this and you know it's because our parents would rip out ours and each other's throats if they knew, and they wanted me to go to this bloody dance, which, by the way, i'm telling you already i won't be enjoying. and the last resort was asking someone other than you, it's not a big deal, really."

and the bell rings.

you don't even have anything to say so you withdraw your eyes from his; seungmin knows he's fucked up but he can't do anything about this.

he's sick of having things he can't control, but he can't do anything about that either.

the only thing that keeps him going is that he can change it, in the future. that it will be better.

and he walks away. the students, with their unpausing chatter are gathering inside the class again as he walks, and you stand there trying to figure out if the whole thing was just a bad, bad fever dream or maybe worse, a joke seungmin's family had planned, how easily can we make our son break hearts?

you wouldn't be surprised if it was one of their tactics.

and the rest of the day passes in a haze, like a flashback, but you do remember not looking at him even when you see him staring at you, you can't. you aren't sure how much of this hurt you could take, if your parents didn't want you to date then you shouldn't. period.

this was it.

and the next few hours, you spend putting your phone on do not disturb and you're surprised by how much you can study when you don't have anyone to distract you and don't have to constantly check your phone for notifications, maybe this was for the better afterall.

but as you slowly reach towards the end, you can feel your notes stain with your tears, god, fuck him.

and you can't even escape him in your own room, because every corner, there is something or the other connected to him, whether the plushie which smells just like him after he sprayed it with his perfume once or the watch he gifted you on your birthday, it's all there.

a pathetic thought creeps in your brain, you should just let him in, it's not his fault. and you knew it wasn't but you shouldn’t have been suffering either, it was unfair.

maybe all those road trips in the usa and the expeditions in maasai mara were meant to be just a dream. it just seemed worthless that you were stupid enough to think this could work anyway.

amidst the small chewing sounds and the slight clatter of plates on the table, mostly no one talks at the dining table, no one has to, anyway, they have nothing to talk about.

If you remove the whole bragging to neighbours and relatives aspect from your family, they could actually end up being pretty cool too, not interfering much in your life except your studies.

“You just need to study well, y/n, everything else will fall into place,” your mother always told you, she didn’t want you to be dependent on anyone, financially or emotionally. It was always one of her main principles, “stand on your own feet, then you can fall in love with someone, or not,”

So that part was pretty neat about your family. And you didn’t think your father was in quite a hurry to marry you off too, but you wondered if it’s just because you are just about to come of age, will things change soon? You hoped they wouldn’t.

After a lot of failed attempts and second thoughts, you finally clear your throat, and unnaturally which makes both of them stare at you.

“Mum, dad, i need to tell you something,”

He’s been trying to call you for hours now, every call being forwarded straight to voicemail.

He really had messed up, and if this proves anything it means he should have never listened to hyunjin rant about the dance, and how important making a move was, he just wanted to rewind time as far back as he could in the day and never pick up the books yujin dropped and ask her about the dance. How could he be so dumb?

“I don’t know what came over me, y/n, really, i’m sorry, please,”

And at that moment, a knock sounds at the door, “yes?” he calls out.

It’s his mother, holding a plate of different fruits, she pushes the door open with her hand and quickly shuts it off before balancing the plate again.

“Seungmin, have you been studying late again?” she places the plate on his study table, and ruffles his hair slightly.

“No, mum, just trying to revise a bit.”

And she sits on the corner of his bed, facing him and smiling endearly. “Good,”

“Have you talked about the date?” the topic he was dreading. Right now there was nothing else he wanted to talk about more, hell, he could even take her nagging right now.

“Yes,” he answered half-heartedly, “yes, i asked someone,”

“You don’t seem too happy about it,”

“Because i don’t want to take her,”

“Then do you have someone else you want to take?”

Yes. he could almost say it, could he? He wanted to shout, yes and i love y/n, a lot, at that.

“No, i just think dances are stupid,”

“Oh, well, you could just leave early, if you want, just dance a bit,”

She stands up and starts flattening the sheets on his bed, cueing that she’s about to leave, “oh also, who’s this bang chan?”

“Hmm, he was an alumni, a senior, why?”

“y/n’s taking him to the dance,”

“What?” he almost shouts, and then regains his composure.

“Well, obviously, their mother called,”

He doesn’t say anything, he just hopes his mother would leave the room soon and closes his eyes so she can’t see it, the tears.

After putting the pillows properly, she turns to leave.

“Sleep soon, seungmin,”

“Hmm,”

And as soon as the lock clicks, he opens them again, leaning against his desk, “fuck!” he whisper-shouts, running his fingers through his hair.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he bangs his palm on the table.

If it didn’t hurt like a bitch, he would have actually given it to you on how genius the idea was, how it had struck the exact nerves it was meant for.

He didn't sleep that night, he had too many mixed emotions inside him, he didn’t know what to even say to you, like what exactly even gives him the right to be hurt when he was the one who initiated the hurt on you first?

He had unknowingly made what was one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

At the other side of the city, you were hurt, you had thought revenge would make it better but it couldn’t, it didn’t, you just wanted to be wrapped in seungmin’s arms again, and stay that way, forever. The plushie, a bear one, didn’t do much of a good job of a substitute.

and you couldn't believe that what you had put off doing for about over 6 months was so easily just done and it had went well at that.

"i'm dating seungmin,"

it had obviously garnered shocking reactions from your parents but only because of the abruptness of the confession.

"i mean, i was, not anymore,"

"well, i mean i could somehow see the both of you giving each other glances so this wasn't a surprise for me,"

your mother loved to know things, this was one of the things she knew, whether she was pretending or not, you couldn't tell but you went with it.

"why did you break up?"

"oh, well, he thinks it'll be a huge deal if his parents find out so he's not telling them and he asked someone else to then dance,"

"then you should, too," your father piped in.

"ask someone else?"

"yes, if there's anything we're gonna do is defeat them,"

and you laughed at the absurdity of it, but he was right, it would take the edge off.

so you'd call an old friend from school, chan, who was now in college, to come with you, that way it wouldn't even be weird.

the days leading to the dance brought extreme awkwardness, with neither of you knowing what to do in case of bumping into each other except admire the walls, or the ground if you do.

"bang chan's hot, god, how can you take him 'just as a friend'? you might at least have some hots for him, hmm?"

"nope, he's hot, i admit, but not my type,"

"oh, well, then what's your type?"

"i don't know but not chan,"

she signs and shakes her head.

"who are you taking?" you ask her out of curiosity but when she goes absolutely red in the face, it amuses you.

"i'm taking lia," she says quietly.

"oh my god, yeji! that's great, oh my god," you didn't know there was something going on there but you were glad it was, you could totally see it happening.

later in the day, in the library, you can sense some weird commotion and whispers a few tables away and to your absolute dismay, you spot seungmin there, along with a couple of his friends, so you go back to your book immediately.

when you glance again, one of his friends jisung was standing right beside you eagerly.

and you look at him questioningly.

"what?"

"um, y/n," he says. and you still hold the harsh, hostile look in your eyes, the few other people left on that table are looking sheepishly, including seungmin, who stole glances, seeming like he didn't really want to be interested in the topic but you know he was listening in, he had to be.

"i wanted to ask……"

"will you go to the dance with me?"

and you now glance directly at seungmin, really? lets say he couldn't tell his friends that he was dating you but he could at least have stopped one of his best friends to not ask out his girlfriend, no, ex girlfriend.

but you feel sorry for the boy in front of you.

"i would have loved to, jisung, but i already have a date,"

he gives an understanding smile and when he begins to turn away, you call out to him.

"but save me a dance, will you?"

as he turns to go, you look at seungmin, his sorry face hangs there, and you shake your head. this was the last straw.

The doorbell rings, and you look at the time, it’s chan.

You hold out your hand to your parents to stop photographing you, they’ve been doing that for the past half an hour, ever since you walked out all-ready.

“Chan!” you greet him as you smile at him, it’s been a good while since you saw him and he’s definitely finer than what he was, grew nicely into his features, yeji had told you about him and you could see it now.

He was holding a small bouquet of baby’s breath and as you lead him in, for a second round of photographs, he greets your parents and they make small talk too.

After posing awkwardly for a couple of photographs, you look at the time again, you should probably leave.

“y/n,” your mum calls out to you, and then whispers, “don’t think much about seungmin, okay? Don’t let him ruin your night,” you nod.

“Let’s go?” you ask as chan is talking to your father about something, nodding.

You put the bouquet on the kitchen counter, asking your mum to place it in a vase for you, and finally leave, your parents reminding you of your curfew.

“So,” chan holds the steering and looks at you, “long time no see, huh,”

You smile back, you’re meant to be happy today, no thoughts about seungmin please.

As he drives to the venue, the rest of the conversation is about how the school has changed, some digs at the teachers, and how your studies are going.

No one knew you were bringing chan, except yeji of course, but the others simply were quite engrossed in their own dates so much that they hadn’t asked and you didn’t think you would have told them either. But the thing with chan was that when he was your senior, he was The Crush, the guy everybody unanimously had a crush on, the nice guy, he was approachable, sweet, gentle, everything you could ever imagine being ideal, so you bet this won’t be something thats going to die down soon.

Seungmin spent the past week trying to figure out how he’ll face you, preparing himself for the moment you walk in with chan but no amount of preparation could have readied him for this, the look on your face as you walk in, your arms interlocked with his, he’d have thrown up.

“Everything okay?” yujin asks him.

“Yeah, yeah,”

The dance in itself is not a very airy place to be, with people crowding around every empty corner and the dim lights fluctuating and the music was also way too uptempo for him but for whatever reason it was, he waved back as his friends called out to him.

he could feel yujin looking at him as he slowly joined them, because she wanted to dance and he didn't and to avoid that conversation was easier than saying no.

"oh did you see chan? can't believe y/n out of people snatched him?"

"what's there not to believe?" seungmin was now looking at you both talking to a few friends of yours, arms still not apart.

"well, you know, you expect nerds to be a little anti social you know?"

"well, good for her i guess,"

and he feels her tug at his arm.

"seungmin, come with me,"

he follows, even though he knows what's going to happen, he just feels like these days despite knowing certain things are going to happen, he can't stop them from happening. odd.

"why did you even ask me?" this is the second question, he can't remember the first one.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to?"

"what?"

"i said, sorry i didn't mean to,"

"honestly seungmin, screw you, i can't believe i rejected felix for you,"

"i'm sorry,"

she's already gone.

i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, it keeps on repeating in his mind, he's sorry, to you, to yujin, to everybody else. he wished he was better, he could be, he just didn't know how to.

be better, be better, it was what he kept on hearing a lot of and he wished somebody would give him a manual for that. he was trying his best, so where was he failing? he failed at recognizing that as well.

and now he can’t move from this staircase he’s sitting on, the muffled music can reach his ears but its not as bad now, his thoughts drown it out now. that and maybe the "small" amount of whiskey jisung gave him. he shouldn’t have done that either.

He leans on the wall, he should go home now, but he’s not ready to answer his parents’ queries so he sits there and waits, so he can go home peacefully.

He doesn’t know when he falls asleep in that position, his limbs huddled together for warmth but he feels it when someone puts an extra jacket on his shoulders.

In his drowsy state, he can still make out your figure, he’s convinced it’s a dream.

“y/n,”

“are you drunk, seungmin?”

he nods softly, he can feel a warm pang of guilt.

“I’m here,” and then looking at a figure beside you, you're talking to it, “can we drop him home? Its close,”

And he falls asleep again, in the backseat of the figure’s car, mostly because he still thinks he’s in a dream, an extended reality dream.

“I’m sorry, y/n, i’m so sorry,” he keeps on saying. He realizes now why he slept so hard and unconsciously that day, because he’d been not sleeping properly for about two weeks, tossing and turning and then ultimately just giving up trying to sleep at all.

He can’t walk properly, he sees you put his arm around your shoulders and lead him in, to the door.

“Will you go from here? Are you sure?” he nods, still yawning.

“Thank you,” you nod at him.

The car door slams as you sit inside, taking a minute to compose yourself as you look at chan. He’s already looking at you.

“You love him,” he says matter-of-factly.

“Loved.”

act ii. 6 months later.

he doesn't know how it happens but one second he's completely stressed about the first semester papers, trying to go through everything and anything he has missed, a sharp memory crosses his mind -

he's spinning in the chair that sits by your study as you lie on your back, questioning him about geography, there's a quiz the day after.

the moment that you look up at him, smiling as he gets an answer right is etched in his mind and its about to replay when a certain someone knocks over the table he's hunched over, nose deep in his books.

"hey," it's chan.

he's immediately embarrassed looking at him because the last time he met him he was just muttering sorrys and leaning over to you for support.

"oh, hey," he bows at him as chan takes the spot in front of him.

"long time no see!"

chan is a great person, he's very bright and he has that infectious aura of bright things except he doesn't want him here for two reasons, a) he's in stress, he'll get overwhelmed if he's not reading over every word and making sure he knows all of it, and b) he's not in the mood to be discussing the last time. this is the worst time to be bringing up the past.

Chan takes one of the books in front of seungmin and flips through it, “midterms, eh?”

He doesn’t wait for seungmin’s response but seungmin nods anyway, “don’t stress much, it’s alright,”

“Yeah, i’m just, cramming a little bit of last minute revision,”

“How have you been?” seungmin is just about to answer when chan’s phone rings, he says a little “excuse me,” and answers his phone.

“Yeah?” “oh, it’s 7 already? I didn’t realize,” “i was just in the library,” “yes, i’ll head over there now,”

He cuts the call.

“Hey, seungmin, c’mon, let's grab something to eat?”

“Oh no, no, it’s okay,”

“Just come on, we’d love your company,”

He wished he had asked who the “we” meant.

Chan wasn’t mean, he wasn’t a bad guy. Quite far from it, actually. So it came naturally to him to invite the poor boy for dinner. The boy he had seen, not even six months ago, breaking down pathetically in public. He just wants to be nice, he swears.

He doesn’t know or quite weigh the consequences, maybe because all of it is so spontaneous or maybe its his naivety on the subject. or maybe its the fact that deep down he doesn't like the way things were last time when he saw seungmin.

So when seungmin walks out with him, after gathering all of his books and pens and pencils from the library table, they talk about the college, the professors, the courses they’re taking and they pass by various cafes and little bookstores, and grocery stores. Seungmin loved this street, he’d walk around it every time things got overwhelming, to remind himself of the universe, of other people, of how small they all were, how small everything was. It was just comforting to him in an odd way.

They take a turn in front of a hamburger place and step inside, the pop music is a little too drowned out by the laughs of a group of people from their own university, they seem to be having a nice time.

And he’s looking around as chan seems to have spotted the table where they’re meant to be going, seungmin follows, scanning the place, he’s never had the actual nerve to go inside one of these places, mostly because he’d be too anxious to eat all alone and he didn’t have.. Many friends. Just one, his roommate.

In his peripheral vision, he sees the older male hugging someone and later pecking them on the cheek, was he third wheeling? He felt incredibly awkward in that moment but Chan looked back at him and called out to him, and he saw something which made him want to absolutely just regret everything he had done today that led up to this. Why did he get up on the left side of his bed? Why did he wear his beige shirt instead of the white one? Why did he go to the library when he could have easily stayed home.

You. standing there. Smiling until it froze uncomfortable, the smile. Neither of you expected the other there, it was a complete sneak attack. One that perhaps chan should have got the memo to not have arranged if he was there at all that night.

Chan wasn’t mean, really, but he couldn’t resist himself when he saw that boy on the table, all alone, his nose buried in the book, if memory serves him right he was somewhat popular in school, he’d have about five to six guys around him, not notorious at all, just good guys, who were popular. And Chan wanted to take a dig at him, the guy his potential romantic interest still couldn’t let go of.

And he should have known better, but at that moment it only seemed right to do it.

“are you crazy?”

“i really thought it would be nice for you to reconnect,” to say you were angry was an understatement but chan, at the same time was calm and composed which made you all the more angry.

“reconnect? after you saw what happened that night? after i told you how much i was still hurting because of him?”

“well, then wouldn’t it be a little better to talk?”

“NO!”

“oh, well, then, i’m sorry, i just thought it’d be too rude to not invite him since he already looked lonely,”

you sigh, there was no way it was that, you’d learn that in the months of being around him that he was nice, really nice, but sometimes he didn’t think much about the consequences, it was part of why you’d never date him, even if he kept on asking you to go out with him, on multiple occasions.

despite getting over the dinner, making minimal and formal conversation, like you didn’t know each other inside out, it just kept playing in your mind that exactly a year ago, you were looking forward to this, on how this would be the best part of your lives.

but this did confirm what you had long thought to be true, that you would never actually hate seungmin, in fact, never would stop loving him.

as you said your goodbyes, you wanted to do nothing more than leave chan’s side and run towards seungmin, join him, have him tell you how his year had been going, how did he convince his parents to agree to him pursuing music as a subject when all along they wanted him to go into computer science.

“chan,”

this was your stop, your cozy little apartment, the one you wished seungmin could come into, this time by the front door.

he looked up, and you smiled at him.

“it’s okay,”

he smiled, too, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He knew that instead of the outcome he thought of getting, by putting your past in front of you suddenly, it wasn’t going to go the way he wanted to.

you love him, still.

your hand hovered over the contact that you hadn't blocked but the message had been left on seen for quite some time. a blank profile picture and a username that you once thought would be tagged in a soft launch.

the last few messages sound desperate.

"y/n… please, sorry, hear me out at least,"

"i miss you, i'm sorry, can we talk, please?"

"y/n…."

that’s all. you remember debating hundreds of times, to text back, to call him, to ask him, to let him apologise. but it didn't end up happening.

a few days after that awkward meeting, it’s a tuesday, and you're so tired of it all already that you're yet again debating dropping out of college. it’s the day of the week when it was particularly hard because they all had engagements or plans for dinner, but you.

maybe you can blame that you've never seen seungmin around on the fact that you were never sure if he was actually around but now that you do know he's around, it seems like every face kind of resembles him.

so when you get out of the library on that particular tuesday evening, anticipating yet another convenience store dinner, you’re too egoistic to admit that you were relieved to see the real seungmin there, even if you have no clue on how to react or respond to the fact that he's standing right there in the same aisle - browsing different types of jam and this seemed to be the only way for you to get some coca cola.

he gives you an awkward smile as he holds two bottles of the jam, there’s strawberry and an orange jam.

"hey," it's a soft one, but you can tell by the tone that it isn't out of a simple obligation for him to say hi, he genuinely does seem to be wanting to talk to you.

you walk to him slowly. "hi, what’s up?"

"can you choose one?" he points to the bottles.

a bit later, you’re sitting inside a restaurant you had frequented for only the first month of you starting uni, quickly growing sick of the same dishes over and over again but since it was a close option, it was doable.

"i told my parents before the dance," you confess, he looks surprised, yes, but it wasn't one of the reactions you imagined, he wasn’t hyper or overly interrogative of you he just nodded.

"well, kind of a similar thing happened for me," he says quietly.

and seungmin explains how he felt like a complete pressure cooker in the days that led upto your breakup and that it finally lost control the day after the dance. he had a complete breakdown and something he always expected, happened.

although his father still doesn’t talk to him and neither does his mother except asking him once in a while about how he’s doing, he actually feels content with himself, all his life he’s done everything his parents wanted but he really couldn’t have lived with himself if he had let them dictate his life here as well. and he’d made a mistake by not speaking up sooner, maybe he would have had you still if he did, but at least eh improvised on it

he hesitates a little when he gets to the last part, and an awkward silence follows, but you’re glad you have food left on your plate so you can pretend to be interested in it.

"so, music, huh. what instrument?"

"piano.."

you smile at the memory, it seems such a long time ago that you met at the auditorium, you were so unaware about the memories you would hold with this person.

"i'm learning the guitar as well,"

"you should play for me sometime,"

you mentally slap yourself for saying that, it was too soon to have ideas for meeting again but it seems like your mouth had a mind of its own. thankfully, seungmin isn't very aware of the debate inside your mind.

"obviously,"

another period of silence follows, in which seungmin grapples with the aspect of asking a question that he isn't sure if he should ask or not, but then gives in, the worst has already happened.

"so, you and chan are a thing?"

you accidentally let out a laugh. ever the curious man, your ex.

"no, no," you shake your head. "i mean i like him, he likes me, we're friends alright, and it helps to have someone who knows his way around, so that's why we hang out,"

"oh, that’s pretty cool. i wish had someone like that,"

seungmin feels so relieved right now that he could break into a dance, he could even grab the waiter by the collar and grind on him. he was just that happy.

as you leave, he points to the opposite direction of where you're heading, "that side's me,"

"alright then i'll see you later,"

but he turns around quick, “hey, wait, y/n,” you give him a questioning look.

“i can play the guitar for you, if you want."

in your more than a year of being together, you’d never seen seungmin’s room, mostly because he was too scared for you to come there although he would like to give an excuse of he didn’t want you to walk alone to and back from his place. but deep down, you did kinda know the reason, you’d have been pretty blind to not.

so when he enters the number on the keypad, you look away. and as he invites you in, he rushes to put a few things into place, straighten the sofa, and take the dirty plates to the sink. there are notes lying around but mostly a guitar, just sitting on the sofa.

“uh, would you like something to drink or eat?”

“did you forget we just had dinner?” you laugh.

“okay, okay, yeah. i’m sorry, i’m just nervous.”

after making you promise to not laugh at any bad notes here and there, he finally starts playing. it’s clear that he is nervous, and he has a certain blush on his face. but you take this moment to scan him. this seungmin compared to the one that you dated, it seemed to be really different. there was an obvious change in the way he carried himself. he was struggling with himself but not in the way that he was before, this time he seemed free. free from carrying his family’s pressure everywhere he went.

he played some taylor swift song from her initial days because he liked the country genre and he’s good at it. why he would think that you would laugh at him was beyond you.

“you’re really good at this, minnie, uh, seungmin.”

it grows awkward as your old nickname for him slips out and he ultimately puts his guitar aside.

“i want to say……” he sighs. “there’s no easy way to say this, but i’m really sorry, y/n, for all the things that happened back then, i can’t skip the accountability because i reallly messed up but believe me when i say i didn’t really mean for it to happen, it was just a really bad time.”

you nod, “it’s, um, alright, i thought about all of it and it’s alright, we were really immature,”

“me more than you,” he comments.

“yeah, but it’s alright, what matters is that you’ve changed, and for the better, look at you playing all these instruments, it’s admirable,”

he blushes a little, “thanks,”

after that one meeting, you’d been texting seungmin, on one excuse or the other. you’d forgotten your scarf that night in his apartment so he suggested you could grab breakfast together and he could hand it over.

or later when you asked him if he wanted to study together for abit, which spoiler, did not end in you both studying because as compared to your school days you didn’t have pressure to absolutely be the best but you could actually enjoy the process.

chan is.. upset, but deep down he did know that he didn’t stand a chance because he could tell that you were never over seungmin, so he gracefully stepped back. and he’s seen you around campus, hanging out with him, and he was happy that you were actually enjoying his company.

“you know what would be really funny now?” seungmin laughs as you’re both sitting on your sofa, you’ve called your friends over to introduce them to seungmin. you’ve been hanging out with him for over a week now and they wanted to know who this new guy was. none of them really knew it yet that he was actually the ex you started crying over when you’ve had too much to drink.

“what?” you ask, opening up a packet of chips meant for later, sit down next to him and then pass it to him.

“well, you could pretend you never dated me in front of your friends,” and his voice drops a little low, “like i did,”

“seungmin,” you place the packet aside and take this chance to do something you’ve wanted to as soon as you saw him again, kiss him. his lips are so gentle, and you’re so, so thankful to the entire universe out there that he exists at the same time as you, and that eventually made his way back to you. and as he kisses you back, you can sense the desperation in his actions, he reaches his hand out to rest at your waist but hesitates, so you place them there.

“i would never pretend about that,” your face is still so close to his. he feels like he could cry, seungmin never really thought he could have you back, he feels relieved right now, he has the world in his palms now. he pulls you in close through the grip he has on your waist.

“i’m never letting you go again,” he whispers in your ear.

and the bell rings.

“is this a bad time?” giselle and ningning look at you suspiciously, “why do you…..?”

as they enter and look at seungmin, the puzzle solves itself, “okay…”

“actually we just thought of something we had to do, so what we’re going to do is leave,” giselle announces, dragging ningning out the door despite your protests to join the party. you also hear her call somi, “change of plans…”

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dayslynthesix · 9 months

Text

Charles Leclerc x Button!Reader

(this one is just a little content just because i love summer break and i think i failed a little bit to show just how much lis and charlie are in love in the social!au)

Sicily, Italy.

The warming heat of the sun was everywhere. The towels were warming, the floor of the Azzura (the boat) was warming, and the breeze of the Mediterranean sea was also warming. The summer break started less the 48 hours ago and Lis and Charlie were already on board.

Lis has bought that boat last summer, it was the most terrifying thing she could ever do, at least, thats what her dad has told her, but every weekend she was driving around at 320kmh, so driving a boat was supposed to be easy. But Lis wasn't driving the boat, Charles was. Not at that moment, because tuesday middle morning he was laying down side by side with his girlfriend while she was reading one of her books - Normal People, by Sally Rooney was the chosen one for the trip.

They were together for almost two years, they keep it private and low, only his closest friends and her closest friends (Gia, Catherine and Lauren*) knew about it, and they were fine with that. Until, one day, a rumor was spread around the paddock, and everyone started to pay attention on them.

"Ferrari driver Charles Leclerc is allegedly dating RedBull driver and Jenson Button's daughter, Elise Button."

But for him, Elise Button was just Lis, or Fleur de Lis, his girl, his partner, his other half, the only person who fully understand him.

Last summer they spent hidden in some Italy village, Moscazzano was the one, Lis' mom had a summer house there, and once she was a kid she was always there with her family. That summer Charles felt so much love by her family that his heart was overwhelmed with it. He never had the chance or the opportunity to meet Jenson properly, but those 3 weeks he spent there he learned from where most part of Lis personality came from; she was charming, had that amazing sense of humor, smile pretty easily once she feels comfortable, she likes to swim, to lay on the sun, to play volleybal with her friends, to watch Grey's Anatomy and House with her mom and to go take a walk with her dad every sunset.

This summer they spent most of it swimming in the blue sea, while Lis was making them friendship bracelets for the concert they were supposed to go, or writing some poem Charles would never be allowed to read or just laying side by side, holding hands and talking about everything and anything all at once.

Charles and Lis relationship was easy, they could talk or stay at silence, they could talk for hours or just check how each other was, they could just exist into each other space, Lis was as much part to Charles life as he was to her. They knew each other so deep that no one knew how they didn't ended up together sooner.

"Every time i read that Connell wasn't religious but he thought that God made Marianne for him something clicks inside of me." Lis started to say as she closed the now finished book, Charles just hummed to let her know that he was awake, and listening to her "Because I'm not very religious too, but God, life, the universe put you in my life and I think that was genuinely made for me. I love how our life is simple, and how easy it is to be with you, even though we're weren't supposed to be together."

"I think the fact that we drive for rival teams makes things even better, what do you say? We're enemies to lovers?"

"More like rivals to lovers, but just between us, I would let you win just to see you happy." Lis had that, she was just pure empathy, it didn't look like because she was a woman into a mans sport, but she cared, and she would do anything to make Charles happy, including letting him win in Monza, including let him drive her around, including telling him how much she loves him.

"That's not very RedBull of you, honey." he joked

"It's because deep down I'm sort of a Mercedes driver because of my dad." she was laughing freely.

And summer just freeze. In that moment summer felt eternal. Just Elise and Charles, laying on the sun, listening to each other, talking nonsense around the Mediterranean, joking about how Charles wasn't familiar with the sunscreen technology. They just disappeared on those 4 weeks. They went for morning swims, early breakfast, stopping in those small Italian villages, eating pasta and holding each other. They weren't thinking about the championship, fast cars, Ferrari or RedBull. It was just them.

Charles and Elise, enjoying the sweet company of each other.

And going to Taylor Swift concerts.

elisebutton

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, cbishop11*, scuderiaferrari and 765.154 others

elisebutton there are pieces of us booth under of every city light, thank you italy, you were amazing with us, grazie 🇮🇹

charles_leclerc you are my favorite place

jensonbutton look how adorable you are, already missing you ❤

laurencaspari i picture you (my best friend) with other girls (charles leclerc) and throw up on the street (actually i went drinking)

priyacaspari looking forward to see you guys racing in monza in 2 weeks 🤗

scuderiaferrari hey @redbullracing are you seeing this?

redbullracing hey, charles, could you please bring back our driver? thank you

maxverstappen1 hey, charles, could you please give back my emotional support friend? thanks

elisebutton

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, mickschumacher, redbullracing, maxverstappen1 and 976.642 others

elisebutton capture it, remember it. thank you so much @taylorswift, i had the time of my life last night, traded soooo many friendship bracelets and it felt amazing to be surrounded by these amazing people - to the girls who were next to us, thank you for making my night insanely beautiful, we're happy and not lonely. and thank you to my lover, my karma, the one that there's some invisible string tying you to me @charles_leclerc for singing all the songs with me, I'll save you a seat at every table

jesonbutton i just know that daniel and mick were with you, i just know

danielricciardo heidi is suffering from post taylor's concert sadness i think we should do it again, same time in a couple of months back in mexico?

schecoperez if you're going to mexico im coming too

charles_leclerc im karma and im your boyfriend

charlisewdc ELISE OMG IT WAS ME AND MY FRIENDS YOU WERE SO NICE WE LOVE YOU

ccaspari make the friendship bracelets take a moment and taste it you got no reason to be afraid I LOVE YOU LIS MISSED YOU SO MUCH THESE MONTHS

georgerussell63 carmen and i are officially tswift fans from now one, thank you for the invitation

maxverstappen1 wait, am i the only one who wasn't there?

landonorris LMAO i think you don't like solo racing after all

elisebutton i invited you, i invited everyone

authors note: after this small serie ends i fully intend to do another social media au with another driver, probably daniel ricciardo x volleyball!player

#Spotify #charles leclerc #formula one imagine #formula 1 #formula one #charles leclerc x reader #jenson button #formula one social media au #f1 social media au #f1 #the eras tour #ferrari

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carnationworld-writings · 2 years

Text

It’s only a beginning (Ardeth Bay x fem!reader)

To read my other works, check my MASTERLIST !

Paring: Ardeth Bay x fem!O’Connell!reader

Universe: The Mummy (1999) / The Mummy Returns (2001)

Word Count: 1777

Requested: @omgsuperstarg mentioned that they would like to read about wedding with Ardeth - so here it is!

Warnings: mention of food, crying. The phrase in italic at the end means that it is said in Arabic. I tried to show wedding traditions in Egypt and it could work out very poorly. I did online research, but there can be mistakes. I didn’t mean to offend anybody, but if it happens, please tell me, and I’ll try to fix this immediately.

If I forgot about anything feel free to write to me. Your wellbeing is important to me!

Summary: The one when the day they both wished for finally come.

Even if she knew traditions came along with weddings, being in the centre of it felt completely different. Since Ardeth decided to unofficially propose, a lot has happened. Every free time she had, she spent it on learning Arabic - it didn't matter that they could speak in English, and she knew that his parents also knew that language. But she's going to live with his people. She would be the wife of their chieftain, so she thought about it as one of her responsibilities. She was a bundle of nerves when she met his parents for the first time. She remembered the kind smile of Ardeth's father, a smile so familiar to her lover’s smile that she had seen so many times. His mother carefully watched her. Miss O'Connell knew she was not fond of the thought that her son wanted to marry a foreign girl. However, she saw how this girl looked at Ardeth - like he hung all the stars in the sky. Taking a deep breath, Miss Connell looked at his parents and smiled shyly.

"May I?" - She knew the position of women in this world, but she saw that they were very welcoming. At his father's nod, she started talking. "I know that I am a stranger. I know... My knowledge about your culture has gaps, but I want to learn. I love Ardeth. I love him more than life itself. And I want to make him happy. I know how important you and your people are to him. And I swear I will do everything in my power to make it work. I'm not saying that I won't make mistakes. But I'll try, and I can only ask for your patience and help." - She felt Ardeth's calloused fingers gently caressing her hand and giving it a smooth squeeze. She watched his parents, who exchanged looks and smiled softly.

"My dear… It will be hard. The elders are demanding and traditional - they will try to find a mistake in your every move." The O'Connell girl bites her lip, afraid of rejection from the most important people in her lover's life. She squeezed his hand, looking down. - But I see that my son could not find a better woman to be his wife. You already showed that you are a warrior, like us, Medjai. There will be so much responsibility on your shoulders as a wife of a chieftain. You will need to win favour with older women, but you have an ally in us. - she looked at the older man and smiled brightly, not believing completely that they accepted her.

"You both have our blessing, my children." O'Connell moved her eyes at Mrs Bay, and even if she didn't cry a lot in her life, she couldn't help gathering tears. She looked at Ardeth, who smiled tenderly at her. Miss O'Connell didn't even notice when she stood up and hugged the older woman, who laughed in surprise. She held the young girl close to her, already used to the thought of having one more daughter.

From this meeting, they started preparing for the engagement and wedding. Men have started talking about mahr and shabka. Even if she wanted to protest, just one look at Ardeth was enough to stop it. She knew that he only wanted to fulfil the traditions of his people, and he just wanted to give her everything the best in this world. Not long after their contract was prepared and signed, preparation for their engagement started. It felt like preparing for two weddings, and even though she was shitless stressed, she couldn't wait to spend her life with Ardeth. Memories of Ardeth presenting her shabka were still alive. She was surprised by how generous he was with his gifts. All of this gold jewellery felt like too much. However, one look into his eyes showed her how important it was to him. And it really was important to him - she soon will be his wife, the wife of a chieftain, and he wanted all the people to know it. She felt the need to hold him close and kiss him senselessly, but it was impossible since they were around so many people. Looking into his dark eyes, she felt her heart beating fast and firmly. She couldn't tear her eyes from him throughout the evening, and when they put rings on the fingers of their right hands, she couldn't stop smiling. And then they sat together, holding each other's hands. Her eyes moved on their rings too much to not be seen by Ardeth. And he only could proudly smile at the sight of his silver ring and her modest gold band.

Their life didn't slow after this. They found a place to live on their own, and Ardeth took care to prepare it for them. She hated that they couldn't spend any minute alone, but she tried to respect his tradition. Thank goodness she had Rick and Evy, who would cover them up once in a while. These small kisses stolen in hiding taste amazing and only made them both even more impatient. She spent a lot of time with Ardeth's mother and other females in his family - she wanted to learn from them as much as she could to make his people accept her and do everything to make him happy. She wanted to be a good wife and good chieftainess. She spent hours trying to cook or learning a way to heal people. It was a great surprise to her when his mother and cousins prepared laylat al-henna for her, and it was probably one of the most beautiful nights of her life. Astonishing patterns decorated her hands and feet when her future family talked, sang and danced. It was the time when she felt truly accepted by them all, after a rocky start, when they wanted to check if she was fit to be a wife to their chieftain.

And then the most essential day finally came. Who couldn't believe how colourful and loud this day was, but the only thing she could think of was Ardeth. When she saw him in the crowd in his ceremonial robes her heart stopped for a moment. She found his dark eyes and couldn't help but smile. And his reaction was the same - he could be a chieftain to twelve tribes of Medjai, he could fight the creature twice, but seeing her in traditional robes took his breath away. She couldn't stop smiling and blushing at the same time when they exchanged oaths and signed the marriage contract in front of Maa'zoun and their closest family. After all the formalities were done, a colourful procession started. She could tell that most of the village was celebrating with them. She watched people dancing and singing when Rick led her to her husband. They took off her veil, and she held Ardeth's hand. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead, making her close her eyes for a few seconds. When she opened them again, he was attentively watching, and she could tell that this was an emotional day, not only for her. She squeezed his hand, smiling with a desire to kiss him, but in her look was the promise of this, when they only will be alone. The procession started again, just as the music led them to the reception. She couldn't count the kinds of food at the tables and guests that came to give them their wishes or pinch her knee, which made her squeal at the beginning, to the happiness of people around. She made Rick, Jonathan and Alex dance with her. She even succeeded in asking to dance for Ardeth's father, and tears gathered in her eyes when he called her daughter. Her favourite ones were dances with Ardeth. She couldn't shake off the feeling of being loved, protected, and beautiful in his arms. This feeling didn't leave her whole day, especially when she caught him looking at her.

She thought her heart would burst from her chest when they came to the part with switching the rings. She looked straight into Ardeth's eyes when she slowly put off the ring she gave him on their engagement and put it again on his left hand. She watched him doing the same, and then he gently lifted her hand and placed a kiss just upon her wedding ring. His look was so intimidating that she couldn't help but gently touch his cheek, placing a small kiss on the second one and whispering: "I love you".

They had fun for long hours, spending time with their families and people from the village. And then, when nobody was looking or like the newlyweds thought nobody was looking, they just sneaked out to their new home. Ardeth quickly took her in his arms and carried her over the threshold. She quietly laughed, wrapping her arms around him and her hand unconsciously finding its way into his hair. They didn't need words, just looking into their eyes at each other was enough for them. She leaned down, kissing him softly, and everything came to them completely natural. They found a way to their bedroom, and without a rush, they took off each other's clothes and started exploring their bodies. They worship and praise another person, knowing that now nothing can stop them. And just before the morning, she snuggled into his naked side with a lazy smile on her face. She felt his toned chest under her palm and his calloused fingers slowly caressing her back. Ardeth rested his cheek against the top of her head, smiling.

"My love?" The silence of the night was broken by his raspy voice, and she hummed softly. "I feel like I waited for you for centuries… and I'm endlessly glad that Allah finally allowed our paths to cross." He moved his head and kissed her forehead softly.

"Oh, darling…" She rose in her forearm and looked into his eyes. "We waited for each other a long time, but now we have our whole lives. And I have the feeling that this is only a beginning because my love for you won't stop even after death." Ardeth gently pulled away from a lock of hair from her face, smiling lovingly.

"I will love you to the end of time." He gently cupped her cheek and kissed her deeply.

And their love lasted much longer than their lives - there were soulmates destined to find each other more than once, from ancient times to today. And they always found themselves, no matter what fate threw at them, and every time their love won.

Author’s note: Thank you so much for reading! If it’s not too much trouble, I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Any feedback is greatly appreciated and motivate me to work.

I am sorry about every grammar mistake and misspellings. English is not my first language.

Klaudia 💜

Taglists are always open! If you want to be added fill this up or send me an ask!

#ardeth bay x reader #ardeth bay imagine #ardeth bay x fem!reader #ardeth bay fanfic #ardeth bay #ardeth bay fanfiction #ardeth bay fic #ardeth bay x o'connell!reader #the mummy #The Mummy Returns #the mummy imagine #the mummy fanfiction #evelyn o'connell #evelyn carnahan #jonathan carnahan #Rick O'Connell #Alex O'Connell

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ravenboysandcrows · 5 months

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welcome to my blog!

"What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren't chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway." - Inej Ghafa, Crooked Kingdom

Hello! Welcome to my goofy little blog. I’m Maya, I’m 15, and I’m a really delusional hopeless romantic and dreamer. This is just a random little thing I decided to start. I will mainly be reblogging things and occasionally I might add a headcanon or little rambling/thought I have. As my bio says, I am obsessed with fictional bird boys, so the Raven Boys from the Raven Cycle and the Crows from Six of Crows.

some basic info about me: white/caucasian, she/they, fifteen, lesbian, infp, scorpio, ravenclaw, sweet tea addict, cat lover, huge reader, introvert, english and history lover, autumn stan, apple music > spotify, folklore and evermore girlie, kinda mentally unstable (😅), perfectionist, suffers from a lot of burn out

Hobbies: reading, listening to music, writing fanfiction, watching anime, napping, baking, hiking, deep intellectual conversations and debates, playlist-making, procrastinating, overthinking everything at 3 a.m.

Artists: Phoebe Bridgers (probably my favorite), Julien Baker, Lucy Dacus, boygenius, Mitski, beabadoobee, Taylor Swift, Cavetown, Lizzy McAlpine, Searows, Bon Iver, Iron & Wine, Jason Isbell, Elliott Smith, Death Cab for Cutie, Bright Eyes, the Lumineers

Books: Six of Crows duology, the Raven Cycle, King of Scars duology, Lonely Castle in the Mirror, the Secret History, Normal People, Conversations with Friends, Legends and Lattes, the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, Into the Wild, Slaughterhouse Five

TV Shows + Movies: Coraline, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Spy x Family, Skip and Loafer, Fruits Basket, A Silent Voice, Gintama, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Haibane Renmei, Natsume’s Book of Friends, basically any Studio Ghibli movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Wolfwalkers, the Breadwinner, Juno, the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, Shadow and Bone, Lockwood and Co.

Characters: Wylan Van Eck, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey, Ronan Lynch, Adam Parrish, Blue Sargent, Noah Czerny, Francis Abernathy, Connell Waldron, Coraline Jones, Alphonse Elric, Yuki Sohma, Saki Hanajima, Shoya Ishida, Kagura Yato, Natsume Takashi, Ash Fox (not a furry I promise 😭)

Thank you for visiting my blog! Feel free to ask or message me anytime!

#introduction #get to know me #phoebe bridgers #six of crows #the raven cycle #pinned post #about myself

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cornishkat · 2 years

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Protecting M - Pt Four

Gareth Mallory x F!Reader

Warnings: Guns, violence, swearing, blood, implied sexual violence.

Summary: M had been right there was more to you than first met the eye and he sees just how much as you both get yourselves into a dangerous situation.

“Q, what the hell happened and why did you not call me yesterday?”

“A car ambushed them on the way to Regents and four men bundled them into a van, I didn’t call you because Tanner said not to disturb you”

“Don’t listen to Tanner, I needed to know, Q find them, find them now”

“I’m trying Bond but you shouting at me is not helping the situation”

“They cannot have gotten far, can’t you track M with that blood tracker thing you injected into us?”

“I would be able to if M had let me do it, he kept putting me off”

“For fucks sake, so how are you going to find them”

“I have been trying to track the vehicle on the traffic cameras, but I lost them after embankment. I don’t suppose Y/N/N has a tracker?”

“She did, would it have been de-activated when she retired?”

“She’s retired, how long? I tried to go old school, but I can’t seem to find her in the records”

Bond move around to sit in front of Q’s computer,

“Bond please do not break my technology, what are you doing”

“Here, you have access to her file and her tracker. But just remember you haven’t seen this”

“Seen what Bond”

“Quite Q”

“Let me know as soon as you have a location, I’m going upstairs to see Tanner”

Shaking your head you tried to clear the fog that was clouding it, but you just managed to aggravate the pain, the dull throb in your temples. You were tied to a chair with plasticuffs on your wrists and ankles, moving your hands you tested them to see how tight they were. Looking up you saw M in front of you also tied to a chair, but his head was slumped on his chest. Looking around you could see you were in a basement, all clean concreate and bright light and no one else but you and M.

“M can you hear me, M are you ok over there?”

Getting no response, you braced yourself and wriggled down as far as you could in the chair and then twisted your body so your fingers found the safety pin hidden in your waistband. Bending your wrist back you pushed the tip of the pin into the teeth of the cuff and pulled. The first restraint loosened, and you slipped your hand out, you worked quickly on the rest of the restraints, turning them around so you could slip back into them if anyone came. You went and crouched in front of M, as you gently placed your hand on his cheek he flinched and groaned.

“M, open your eyes for me”

“Y/N/N where in the hell are we, what happened”

“Not sure yet, working on it. A vehicle hit us on the way to Regent’s, they were waiting for us”

Taking the pin, you went to release M’s restraints but before you could start you heard footsteps heading towards the door. M was watching you as you quickly you went back to your chair and slipped back into your restraints.

“Good you are both back with me. I was starting to get quiet bored waiting”

“Connell, I thought you were dead”

“Just wishful thinking on your part Mallory seeing you left me to die”

“This is obviously about me, let her go and let’s finish this once and for all”

“Forever the gentleman and that is why this will be so much fun”

“What do you want Connell, it’s been twenty years”

“I want you to feel how you made me feel, lose everything like I did”

“You were the one who committed treason, you brought everything on yourself”

“Still taking the moral high ground, you had the luxury of morals and ethics, I didn’t”

“You choose your path, now tell me what you want”

“Right now I want to see you squirm, I want to see you hurt”

Walking over to you he wrapped his hand into your hair and roughly pulled your head back, pulling a knife from his waistband he trailed the tip down your neck leaving a trail of blood running down to your collar. Clenching your jaw you stifled a gasp, you were not giving him the satisfaction of seeing you hurt, hearing you cry out.

“Connell, stop just stop, you know you want to be doing that to me”

“Your right I did but I know there is not much I can do to you physically that you can’t withstand. But me hurting your pretty little secretary here I know will fuck you up more than I could ever wish for”

“How about you come over here and take me on rather than my secretary”

Letting go of your hair he flew across the room and struck M across the face before slamming his fist into his ribs.

“Don’t worry I won’t ignore you completely, but I have seen the way you are looking at her and I want you to suffer. I am going to take what you have not been man enough to”

“You are going to wish you were dead Connell, lay a finger on her and I will end you”

You flinched as he laid into M, but as his back was to you, you slipped your restraints and had your arm around his neck dragging him to the floor before he could even turn to face you.

“Do not call me a secretary and you don’t lay a hand on him”

M strained at his bonds as he saw you pin Connell to the ground smashing his hand off the concreate until he dropped the knife. He flipped you but before he could do anything else your foot smashed into his chest and threw him back. As he struggled to his feet you were already up and a roundhouse kick connected with this face and spun him, he retaliated by charging you and tackling you around the waist, smashing you into the wall. He saw you crouch slightly before punching him square in the jaw and sending him sprawling at M’s feet. M tried to free himself as he saw Connell retrieve the knife, as you squared up to him again he smiled and grabbing M’s head he held the knife to his throat.

“Stand down or I will end this now and slit his throat. Now be a good girl and come over here and kneel down in front of Mallory here”

You could maybe take him down from here, but the knife was pressed against M’s skin and he could still take M’s throat out if you didn’t get it right.

“Y/N/N just run, get the hell out of here, it’s an order”

“Respectfully Sir that is not going to happen”

“I like her Mallory, it is going to be so much fun breaking her. Now I said on your knees”

As he pushed the knife against M’s throat you saw blood trickle down his neck. You moved forward slowly and sunk to your knees in front of M, glancing up you looked into his blue eyes. His expression was unreadable, but you knew you had to protect him, buy some time.

Bond strode into Q’s lab with Tanner behind him.

“Please tell me you have found them Q”

“I have, they are in an abandoned factory on the outskirts of town. I am sending the location to your phone now”

Bond took an earpiece and his PPK and stared at Q, sighing deeply the quartermaster threw him the keys to the Aston Martin he had just finished working on.

“Bond please try and bring it back in one piece”

“I always try Q”

“007 you need back up?”

“Tanner just stay here and keep M’s seat warm, leave this to me”

You knelt on the floor in front of M, trying to work out your next move. You needed to get M out of here,

“Good girl, thought you would choose to protect him. This is definitely going to be fun playing with you two. How do you like it M having her on her knees in front of you, bet you’ve dreamt about this”

Stepping forward he backhanded you hard across the face, stars exploded behind your eyes and you heard a growl from M as he planted one more carefully aim shot and you sprawled across the floor.

“Now something tells me you’re not just his secretary”

“It doesn’t matter who she is, your problem is with me”

“Yes it is and I know you Mallory, me hurting her will hurt you more than anything I could do to you. You and that bloody gallant heart of yours”

Lifting your head you felt him drag you across the floor and then felt the pain shooting up through your arms as he tied them and suspended you from a hook in the ceiling, your feet just skimming the floor. Bringing the knife down across your chest he cut each button off your shirt, running his free hand across the lace of your bra.

“As I said you really are a pleasant surprise and you have made this a whole lot more enjoyable. The things he is going to watch me do to you will break him”

“Nothing you can do to me will break him”

“I beg to differ, let’s find out shall we”

He slammed his fist into your side the movement making you swing back and forth, the weight making your arms scream in pain. Stepping forwards he grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you towards him, smiling

“Say the word and I will stop; say the word and I will fuck him instead of you”

“You do whatever you want to me, leave him alone”

“You hear that Mallory, loyal little thing isn’t she, now let’s make sure you get a good view and when I’ve finished you can take your turn”

“Connell just stop the games, leave her out of this and focus on me”

Still dragging your head back by the hair, he ran is tongue down over your neck,

“She tastes so good Mallory, but you won’t know would you, you really are a coward in some respects. How do you think the rest of her tastes?”

“Connell, I swear to god I’m going to snap your neck”

“M it’s ok, I can take this”

“Let’s see exactly what you can take”

He ran his hands down over your breasts and stomach, grabbing you by your belt and pulling towards him.

“Has Mallory ever touched you like this”

“No, he is my boss, why would he”

“But he wants to, just not man enough too”

“He is more of man than you could ever be”

You groaned has he yanked your head back and whispered in your ear,

“He will never be able to touch once I have finished with you, won’t be able to look at you let alone touch you”

“Connell you don’t need to do this”

“One last chance Y/N/N, say stop and I move on to him”

“Y/N/N tell him to stop”

“Not happening”

“For fucks sake just tell him to stop Y/N/N”

Smiling Connell closed his hand around your throat and squeezed as the knife travelled to your belt. As you gasped for breath you heard a shot ring out, as he turned his back on you, you swung your legs up and wrapped them around his throat, you felt him lash out with the knife but then there was another shot and he fell from your grip.

“Took your time Bond”

“Your welcome Y/N/N”

“Bond would you just bloody untie me”

Bond cut through M’s restraints and went to cut yours as M lifted you to release the pressure on your arms. As he held you he looked deep into your eyes.

“I’m sorry he hurt you”

“I’m fine, handled worse than him, Bond is he dead”

“Yes, and by the way you were meant to look after him not into get into trouble with him”

“Bond it is not my fault, M here just seems to attract trouble”

“There was no trouble until you walked into my office, ever thought it maybe you”

You were suddenly aware you were still in M’s arms, pressed against his firm body, you were also now very aware that your shirt was ripped open and you nearly blushed for the first time in years.

“Here, take this”

Looking up you saw M handing you his jacket,

“It’s ok that looks far too expensive for me to get blood all over”

“Just take it, there is such a thing a s dry cleaning you know”

Stepping back you pulled the jacket on to cover yourself and noticed Mallory suddenly realise that he was staring at you and hastily look away.

Bond stood watching you both a wry smile on his lips, he had known that the two of you would get on, but he hadn’t expected this. He could see the connection, the way you were both looking at each other, he could almost see the sparks flying, bloody hell he had only left you alone for a few days. As far as he was concerned M had no personal life, let alone anything romantic, but the way he was looking at you right now was like you were the only thing in the world. And it was definitely not one way, he had known you for years, you were probably one of the closest things he had to a friend. One of the only women he stayed close to even after you had rebuffed all of his advances, you had never really spoken about your personal life but he was sure there was no one in your life either. He had to admit watching you two right now was touching even to his cynical old heart. As if you both suddenly realised he was watching, you both stepped away from each other.

“Bond your phone please, we need to call this in”

“M I can do that you both need to get checked out”

“You both need to start realising that I am in charge”

“Fully aware of that M but Tanner, Q and myself can clean up here. You two have been through enough”

“Fine I will see you back at HQ”

M turned around to look at Y/N/N only to realise she had already left the room,

“Go after her”

“What Bond?”

“Go after her, tell her how you feel”

“Don’t know what you are talking about”

“I saw the way you looked at her and don’t say you don’t know what I’m talking about”

“It doesn’t matter, I am presuming that she will be leaving now your back”

“It does matter, I saw how she looked at you too, never her seen her look at anyone like that in all of the time I have known her”

“Really?”

“Really, now go and find her, I actually like both of you and you could both do with some happiness”

“I’m not sure what to do with this side of you Bond”

“Don’t worry I won’t make it a habit and if you don’t go and make this right I will just shoot you”

“More like it Bond”

#007m #gareth mallory x reader #007 #gareth mallory #james bond #007q #bond fanfic

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iceman-kazansky · 1 year

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REQUESTS

Hello! I'm Iceman-Kazansky. I am a small fanfic writer. You most likely came here to find out what exactly my Request rules are and Who I write for, correct? So I won't try to come up with anything overly.. intricate to put here and will get straight to the point.

Rules:

I do not write smut whatsoever. No exceptions.

I write for exclusively x female readers, as it is easier for me.

I do not write ships. I'm terrible at them, and I don't feel comfortable with writing them.

I don't write for OCs or Pregnant readers. Anything to do with being pregnant, I can't write.

I hold the right to deny any request, and if need be I will exercise that right.

I Also might be adding on to this, so keep watch.

I write for the characters in the following fandoms:

Top Gun

All, just request and I'll try :)

Rookie Blue

Sam Swarek

Nick Collins

Jerry Barber

Chris Diaz

Dov Epstein

Star Wars

All

X-men

All

Marvel

All

The Hunger Games

Gale Hawthorn

Finnick Odair

Peeta Mellark

Scream (1996)

Billy Loomis

Stu macher

80's movie characters

Kyle Reese (terminator)

Johnny Castle (Dirty Dancing)

Ren McCormack (footloose)

John Rambo (Rambo)

Marty Mcfly (back to the future)

Daniel Larusso (karate kid)

Johnny Lawrence (Karate kid)

John McClane (Die Hard 1 only)

James T. "Joker" Davis (Full Metal Jacket)

Animal Mother (Full Metal Jacket)

The Mummy

Rick O' Connell

Ardeth Bay

Jonathan

Saving Private Ryan

Private Jackson

Private Rieben

Corporal Upham

Private Wade

Private Ryan

Private Mellish

Private Caparzo

Detroit: Become Human

RK800 Connor

Markus

Simon (maybe?)

Band of Brothers

Almost all

Prompt Lists:

Romantic prompts (list with a bunch of external lists)

Soldier x Medic prompts

Fluff:

Cute fluff prompts

Short Fluff sentence starters

Angst:

Enemies to lovers <3

Short angst sentences

Injured prompts

Angst prompts (extra stuff on the 1st Fluff list)

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ || ɴᴀᴠɪɢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

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icarus-fli3s-high · 1 year

Text

Gone (Maxwell Klinger x reader) [commission]

summary: you were once a great head surgeon, but when your camp is smoked out by chlorine gas your run for your life. The road leads you to yet another M*A*S*H and a man you will never forget.

warnings!!!: this is not fit for anyone under the age of 16 it has character death, depictions of nightmares and violence ad well as language, also kinda shit grammar ok very shit grammar.

word count: 7011

and now for your reading pleasure. Gone.

Heat beat down on me as I walked the long dirt road that would hopefully lead me somewhere. The summers in Korea were unforgiving, especially this year. I kept walking forward, never once lifting my head. What I wore blended me in better than any camouflage. I could walk for miles in a day, my record being around ten on foot. Sometimes I would take a horse or something else to get around, but today was not a day where I had that luxury. The more I try to put it all together the more confusing it all is to me, I don’t know how long I’ve been walking, just that I need to walk, keep pushing till you find a place of refuge. I had been stationed as the head surgeon of M*A*S*H 3560, but that was gone now, flattened by the Koreans. I remember trying to tell my unit to leave because they had used a chemical weapon, but no one believed me, they all kept going about their days until we got grenades and bullets thrown at us. I remember the fight, shooting men whom I didn't know down at point blank. I took all of their dog tags, any water, food, med supplies, anything that would help me. Hell I’ve been walking this whole time with at least five pounds of ammo wrapped around me like a second skin.

After another moon I had made it to a road that looked well used. I followed it and what met me was a more than welcome sight. Another M*A*S*H sat before my eyes. Doctors and nurses bustling about with their lives, and I fell to my knees. “taing do na diathan”, I muttered again and again, “taing do na diathan”. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up into the face of a man with thick black hair and olive skin.

“Who are you?” he asked, helping me up.

“A forgotten soul”, was the only response my mind could come up with, “Alienated in this war”.

“Well where’s your unit?” he tried again.

“Dead”, I said following him to a building, “My M*A*S*H was flattened”.

“God”, he said, clearly lost for words. An old man came out of the building and stopped dead upon seeing me.

“Klinger, who in the Sam Hill is this?” he asked, clearly american.

“I don’t know Connel she won’t tell me her name”, the man Klinger responded, “All she said was a lost soul”, with that statement a nurse and three doctors came towards us, bickering about gods know what. They stopped talking as they came closer, as they saw me.

“Oh lord, who is that?” I heard one tall man with salt and pepper hair ask.

“Y/N Ó Dálaigh”, I coughed grabbing onto Klinger’s shoulder as I doubled over.

“Jesus are you alright?” the blonde man asked, grabbing my other arm.

“I’ll be fine”, I smiled, slowly sitting down on a pile of crates with the two of them helping me, “just what happens when you have to run from mustard gas.” the group went silent as they looked down at me.

“Say Y/N what M*A*S*H are you from?” the CO asked me.

“M*A*S*H 3560”, I said, beginning to take my multitude of bullets and bags off. My hair stuck out more wild than it had ever been. “Can I make a call?” I asked Klinger, he nodded as the doctors began to speak amongst themselves. I walked into his office space, it was the first building I’d been in for a while.

“Where do you need to call?” he asked, pulling the phone from its case.

“Soul”, I responded. He handed me the black receiver and waited until I picked up, “hello John?”

“Y/N?” came from the other end, “How are you calling from the 4077? I thought you were stationed somewhere else?”

“I was, but John it’s all gone. The Koreans flattened the place. The used mustard gas and then chlorine”, silence met me as I heard him take a long sigh, “I’m what’s left of the entire 3560”.

“So now you’re at 4077. How did you get there, it's at least 50 miles?” I took a pause, i’d really travelled that far.

“I walked”, I whispered, “I’ve been walking the better part of three months I suppose”.

“Three months!” he sputtered at me, “You’ve been walking alone for THREE MONTHS?”

“Yeah and what of it?” I was too tired to fight with him, “I walked because that’s all I could do, there's no phones in the korean bush, it was me and the wild for three months this is the first time i’ve talked to people in those months”. I sighed, rubbing my forehead, “Do you want me to stay here or keep going?”

“Stay there”, he said, “Moving your station to the 4077 until you either get released or this damned thing ends”. I nodded.

“Alright”, I said, “Goodbye John, Stay alive”. WIth that I put the phone into the box and looked at the man sitting on the cot in the corner.

“Did they really use Chlorine?” he asked and I could only nod. We didn’t go back outside, instead the others came in. The woman, I would come to learn id Margret, was staring at me before she handed me a box.

“What’s this?” I asked opening it to see the necessities. Soap, army issue shirts, pants, a comb, things like that.

“We heard you would be staying for a while, there's an extra bed in my tent if you want”, Margret said looking at me.

“Thank you major”, I said, “but I’ll take one last night under the stars if that’s alright, besides the tents are hot and sticky”. The blonde nodded and smiled at me.

After rigging up what would most likely be my last hammock I decided to have a look around the camp. Hawkeye and BJ had taken my things to their tent for the night.

“Less for you to worry about”, BJ explained.

“Of course”, Hawkeye said, clapping me on the shoulder, “and the showers are just over there”. He turned my shoulders and I took my first shower in 3 months. The water felt better than anything I could’ve asked for, like angels kissing my skin and I cleaned the months of dirt away. I felt my hair slowly unknot and go back to its usual colour. I finally felt something that had left me once I realised I was alone- safety. For the first time in months I was safe and no one could get me.

After 20 or so minutes I finally emerged from the shower tent, clean and refreshed. It was dark out and the air had cooled off slightly making the night five times more liveable than in daylight. I laid down in my hanging bed and shut my eyes, ready for a good night’s sleep.

I don't know what exactly woke me up. It could’ve been the click I heard or very distant shelling, but I woke up all the same. I felt like a child as I walked into the clerk’s office, ashamed of my cowardice. I’ve been through far worse and yet here I was silently crying at a desk and praying the owner didn’t wake up. I sat there with my head down for ten minutes, maybe twenty, it was hard to tell. But it was not long after I had seeked refuge that I felt a large hand on my back. I quickly wiped my eyes and looked up to see the clerk looking down at me with what, regret? Pity? Sadness? Sadness that he felt the same way, the same trapped perhaps? I will never know, however I do know that what he did next was the kindest thing anyone has ever done or will ever do for me.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked, kneeling in front of me. I shook my head, “are you sure?” Then the strangest thing happened, I began to talk to him.

“The shelling”, I began, interrupted by a hiccup, “I know they are far, but it��s like I can hear the boys’ bones breaking from here, that I won’t be able to fix them”. Max reached io and caught a stray tear with his thumb.

“What do you want to do now?” he inquired, eating me with those chocolate eyes.

“Can I stay here?” I asked and he nodded.

“You can have the cot”, the man hummed and I shook my head, “no? Well why not?”

“I’m not kicking you out of your own bed Max, that’s just cruel”. And looked at me again, those kind eyes widening just a touch.

“Then we share”, he smiled, seemingly pleased with his conclusion of the statement. His cot wasn’t as small as it looked. It might’ve been that I was malnourished enough, but we both fit like puzzle pieces. I laid stiff while he got comfortable, I felt like I was invading like he would be angry with me if I took up too much space. I felt an arm come over my side, “you Can take up space”. And that was all it took for me to release the breath I didn’t know I was holding and relax. I felt like a pool of water finally allowed to conform to my container.

“Hey Max”, I said quietly, secretly hoping he was awake.

“Hey yeah?” he said back.

“Thanks”, I felt his hand squeeze just a little tighter and his face pressed into my neck. It wasn’t an alien feeling to me, I’d had boyfriends and girlfriends before, but this felt… well right.

The next morning came with eggs and a side of wounded. I got up from the table and rushed to OR.

“Well miss Ó Dálaigh”, Potter said, “looks like we get to see your talent firsthand”. I smiled slightly at him and got scrubbed up and ready to go. I got in OR and my first patient had practically a whole car in his belly. I flinched and began work. His dog tags gave me his blood type and I worked from there. Pulling shrapnel from the boy being careful not to miss anything. I was more careful than I’d ever been before. This man was walking on this ice. But he would pull through.

After hours and hours of work it all came to a stop at eleven PM. I collapsed into the bench in OR feeling my body deflate.

“Hey”, I heard someone next to me.

“Hey Hawkeye”, I said. I let a heavy sigh escape and got up to go back to the swamp to grab my stuff.

“I’ll join you”, hawk said following me. I smiled slightly and linked my arm with his, both of us had the front of our shirts covered in blood.

“Gods this is going to be the best nap I’ve ever had”, I muttered, grabbing my things.

“Just wait”, Hawk said, “more wounded will come before you know it”.

“I know it Hawkeye I know”, I answered, slinging my last bag over my shoulder. I made my way to margret’s tent and knocked on the door before entering. She wasn’t in the tent so I guessed she was in the officer’s club. There went my plans for the night. I decided that a walk would do me better than a drink so I exited the tent and began to pace around the compound, eventually finding myself in storage. It was cooler in this building than any other, the ground was cold when I bent down to touch it. I smiled and made my way to the very back where there sat a couple extra cots, blankets and pillows. I pulled a small book from my pocket and began to write like i had every day for the past years,

I didn’t ask for this, but here I am, stuck in an unfamiliar mash. I just want to go home. Out of everything I wonder what got me here. Why do I deserve this? To watch all of my friends die and my patients I worked so hard to save leave this world choking on their own blood. I never wanted to be here. I want to go home and forget this war.

I closed the book falling into a pile of blankets finally resigning to my body, I laid there for hours, but never slept. I watched the ceiling, my eyes slowly closing, behind them blasts of colour and shapes. I knew I was awake. It felt like my body was turning into the earth, like I was returning home, that after everything the earth would swallow me whole and hug me, hug me and tell me that it’s ok. That there was no war, that when I open my eyes I will be in my tent with Trist and John, that we will go back to making jokes about shrapnel and bullets. But there was a sinking feeling clawing at me like a cat at a door in the rain, all the memories i had were now stained red. I had been the first to evacuate. I had given the red flag and no one listened to me. The sounds of their screaming filled my ears before it died and I opened my eyes, at least I think I opened them. But around me were all of them.

“You should’ve told us sooner”, trist said as his face began to slide off his skull.

“Y/N”, John cooed, “you should’ve done better”.

“We're all dead now because of you”, a patient sobbed.

“I’m sorry”, I cried, “I’m sorry”.

“Y/N you failed, you’re a failure Y/N”, Henry, my CO jeered.

“No”, I breathed as they all began to melt into a mass of a monster, flesh and blood began to form itself into a graveyard. An invisible force pushing me towards the mausoleum at the very end of the grass. “No no no stop im sorry im sorry STOP PLEASE”, i was begging for my life. There was someone shaking me and a very muffled voice calling me.

“Y/N, Y/N, Doctor?” it was quiet and then it became louder, “Y/N Y/N”, i felt my brain tear away and sat up and opened my eyes to a very blurry bright room, the lights were too loud. I covered my ears as I closed my eyes, trying to make the world quiet again. I felt someone begin to wrap around me, pulling me into a comforting warmth. Their hands pressed my head into their shoulder. I felt my heart begin to calm itself. The feeling of fabric against my skin grounded me. I opened my eyes and the room was still bright, but less so. The waves and crashes of people screaming and bombs going off had ceased. It had all been a dream, my brain making up stories to tell itself. I let a shaky sigh escape my body and looked ahead. The familiar face of Klinger looked down at me. He looked deep in thought as I slowly reached a hand up and pushed his hair to the side. He looked down at me and moved his hands to push me into him as he stood, outside the door I saw an unfamiliar face peering in at me. He had thick glasses and sandy blonde hair. Max picked me up and began walking to the door. The man on the other side watched in silent worry as we walked by. He made it back to his office, the blonde in tow, and set me on the cot. No one had seen us in the dead hours of the morning. The man introduced himself as Father Mulcahy. He looked at me with kind eyes. I’d never met a priest before, so this felt strange to me.

“Father?” I said, “Father, what do you want from me?” and he looked at his eyes boring into the very nature of my soul.

“Are you christian Y/N?” he asked, “Or do you believe in god?”

“I am not”, i responded taking a short breath, “I am a nordic pagan”. He smiled slightly.

“Oh well, do you remember what happened tonight?” he asked as Klinger busied himself with papers. I did remember the nightmare, all of them screaming.

“I fell into a pile of blankets, apparently fell asleep and woke up feeling like I was dying”, I said and at this point someone else came into the room. Charles sat on an empty box.

“I'll sit in for Sidney till he gets here”, he muttered. They had called an army psychologist, probably a good idea. I nodded at him.

“What were you feeling?” the priest asked again, “When you woke up”.

“Well father, do you know what overdosing feels like?” I asked, “No, of course you don’t stupid question. No it felt like overdosing, but my body wasn’t on fire this time. The lights were still too loud and I felt my skin begin to crawl, but it wasn’t the same. It was like dying but in a way that makes you feel like you want to throw up and hide”. The priest began to look more and more concerned. “And yet there was an odd peace to it, if Max hadn’t come I don’t know what would’ve happened to me. I guess I could’ve died? Shut down indefinitely? I don’t really know myself”. There was a small silence and then Charles asked something I will never forget about so long as I live.

“So you’ve died before?” he asked and I smiled.

“Dying is the same as living to me”, I laughed.

“No, actual dying”, he said and I took a deep breath ready to explain everything he would need to know about my experience with life and death.

The following weeks I was monitored by Korea’s favourite shrink, he followed me around all day until I ended up in the officer’s club. I sat at the corner table staring into the bottom of my drink wondering if I was going to drink it.

“You know the more I follow you the more interesting you become”, Sid said and I nodded.

“That’s what Hal said last time”, I laughed, “Called me a maniac for buying a cow too but here we are”. Sid let a small chuckle out. The sight of Hawkeye with one of the most atrocious hats on made my drink almost come out of my nose.

“Hawk, where did you get that monstrosity?” I asked giggles racking my body as Sid grabbed my stool to keep me from tipping over.

“BJ brought it back from Seoul for me”, he grinned as BJ clapped him on the back, I nodded stil trying to catch my breath.

“Well”, Sid said standing, “My jeep leaves tonight I think you are well on your way”. I smiled getting up to walk with him to the jeep.

“Your carriage sir”, Max said, opening the door.

“Max, are you driving him back?” I asked

“Nope I’m leaving it to this man he brought him here”, he grinned and followed me back to the club, stopping at the bar to get himself something. He came back to my table and nearly tripped over a stretched out Charles. I smiled as he took a seat next to me.

“Don’t mind charles, he had a long shift”, I smiled. Max sat down and like I had done, stared down into his drink. “Penny for your thoughts?” I asked as he looked up at me.

“Oh just thinking about when all of this is over”, he said smiling slightly, “Can’t wait to go home after all of this”.

“Yeah me too”, I smiled, “I just want to be back with the family again”, he raised an eyebrow, “I just miss my house and everyone”. He nodded.

“Are you married?” he asked and I was slightly taken aback.

“No”, I said, “haven’t found my one and only yet”. I poked him in the side, “What about you mr.company clerk what about your famed love life”. He chuckled slightly, rolling his eyes.

“I wouldn’t call it famed, unlucky maybe”, he gravelled. I nodded letting him go on, “Things fell through with the last girl and I've been in a rut”. I watched him as he kept talking, changing the subject to what he missed about home. I smiled as I heard how passionate about his hometown. It feels like forever since I thought about my life before the war, about the house with the perfect room for a piano, about the roommates that lived with me there in oregon. I missed the huge forest that surrounded the house. I felt my face begin to fall as he came to a stop.

“Hey what’s wrong?” he asked, clearly worried. I couldn’t have him worrying about me all the time.

“Nothing it’s not important”, I smiled, pushing the feeling of dread away from my body like the vile feeling it was.

“What was your life like before… all this?” he pushed and i swallowed the last of my whiskey.

“Quiet”, i whispered, “Well as quiet as it can be with two roommates”. He laughed slightly. “We have this house in the middle of the woods a little ways out from Portland”, I sighed the memories flooding in, “My one friend, Ander, he’s a carpenter he practically built the place. I mean he even built an entire room for my piano”. Klinger smiled looking over to Father Mulcahy who was sitting at the piano.

“How long have you been playing?” he asked.

“All my life”, I responded and followed his gaze. The piano in the bar was nothing compared to mine, “Given the chance I would show you what I've got back at home”. And he smiled. Klinger grabbed my hand and dragged me to the other side of the bar tapping the priest on the back. He smiled as Max told him about the piano thing.

“Well then show us”, the blonde said, getting up and relinquishing his seat to me. I sat down gingerly not knowing how well it would go. I felt eyes on me like I was trapped in a small box.

“Come on”, Max said, putting his hand briefly on my shoulder. I inhaled a large breath and began to let my fingers dance across the keys. The melody gradually took shape as I began to add bass and tenor tones, the room around me fell silent as I let the chords dissipate and began the piece that had been itching at me. Clair de Lune. It filled the room in its soft glory, making some sway and others cry. It was times like these I had Ander. Aside from being a skilled carpenter he was also a brilliant violinist, a practical Paganini. The movement led me into starry night and then to finish it all, interstellar. The sound filled the room with the booming thunder of F G and A then the quiet lull of the arpeggios. As I finished I sat back looking expectantly at the room around me. It was quiet, then there was applause, applause like I’d never heard before in my entire life. I was loud and it was joyous. I felt numerous hands come and clap me on the back as I sat there smiling from ear to ear.

“Well Padre, hard to beat that”, I heard Potter say from across the room.

“Indeed Colonel”, I heard the father say in return. I got up and went to the bar asking Igor for another drink.

“On the house”, he smiled and I went to hide in the back in my corner. I sat there for maybe an hour before Charles came to the back.

“Where did you learn to play like that?” he asked and I looked up, the alcohol making my mind partly cloudy.

“Well I was originally in college to get a degree in piano”, I murmured, “Otherwise I’ve been trained my whole life. All months of the year and sometimes in the dark quiet of winter the double bass”. Charles sat down as he began talking about his musical education. I nodded but wasn’t really listening. I was thinking about how the hell I became a doctor. After about an hour or two of listening to Charles and about 5 drinks Igor told me he was closing up. I got up and staggered out the door not knowing where I would end up and quite frankly ,I didn’t care. Maybe I would wake up and not even be in Korea.

I woke up still in Korea, except I was in someone’s cot and it wasn’t mine. There was no one next to me and when I looked up I saw Klinger asleep in his chair. He was mumbling slightly and then there were little droplets of sweat rolling down his face as he twitched.

“Max?” I whispered, “Max?” I said it a bit louder. He jolted awake looking around frantically. “Max it’s me”, I said but it was like he couldn’t hear me.

“Not again”, he groaned. I slowly reached out his chair was just far enough. Carefully, I got up from the cot and grabbed the arms of the chair to keep it from rolling away. He was throwing his head from side to side and I had to find some way to make him stop before he hurt himself. I reached out and gently held his head in place. His eyes snapped open at the contact and he looked at me like he was a child caught stealing. Glassy dinner plate eyes looked up at me as he let out a shaky breath. His hands slowly reached up and held mine. “I’m sorry”, he muttered, “I woke you”. I let my hands fall to grab his sleeve and make him follow me to the cot. He fell into the mattress that sat there and I made him lay down.

“You didn’t wake me”, I said, running my fingers through his hair as he laid his head down in my lap. I began to trace his features, I knew we would all be going home soon- we had been here long enough and casualties were going down, both sides were getting tired.

“What are you doing?” he asked as I ran my fingers down the bridge of his nose.

“Memorising you”, I returned and he smiled.

“Why? It’s not like I’m going anywhere”, he chuckled.

“That you know of”, I said, my hands returning to his hair. He let out a deep sigh, “Max the wounded and casualty numbers are getting lower and lower, soon they will stop and we will have to leave or they will get worse and we will be sent home in retreat”. I said, “In fact the later is the most likely”. He yawned as I was explaining.

“Once we get out of here I’m following you”, he said, “You still owe me a trip to see that house you always talk about”, his eyes were beginning to close, “And the dogs, and the piano”. He was rambling now, his words failing him. “Stay”, he murmured finally. I smiled, but this time it wasn’t joy or love or anything like that. It was a broken hearted smile.

I stayed of course, I stayed and his arm was wrapped around my side like a safety rope. I wanted to enjoy this to just revel in the idea that I was here in utter adoration of the man next to me and that he felt the same way, after all he had just told me. But after this war? He had a family to return to and he had a life in Ohio. He had told me about it, I didn't want to rip him away from the place he loved so much. I took a deep breath relying that maybe we could stay like this forever, squished into his side on an army issue cot. He seemed happy with this, his nightmare kept at bay and I was ok with it. But we would have to leave soon. I didn’t want to think about life without BJ, Hawkeye, Charles, Margret, or even Father Mulcahey and the Colonel. I swallowed and dug my face into Max’s neck trying my hardest not to let the knot in my throat win. I felt a hand come up to my hair, I had woken him up. It was my turn to say sorry to him and try to just let him sleep. But the words never left me as the clerk lifted my head to look at him.

“Tell me what’s wrong?” he asked and I shook my head.

“It’s not important”, I murmured, “Go back to sleep”. He kept my face in full view of his.

“I know that look”, he said, his lip brushing the tip of my nose leaving butterfly kisses there.

“I was just thinking about when all of this ends”, i said quietly trying to hide any emotion in my voice.

“Oh honey”, he murmured and kissed my hair, “If you’re worried about all these people and falling out of contact, we’ve been through too much to not stay in contact”. I nodded as he cupped my face. In the 7 months I had been there we had gone through the dregs of war and even then the first 4 or so years had been hell for my first unit. For four years and ten months I had been in Korea, for three months I walked alone for fifty miles, for seven months I lived with the kindest people I’d ever met. I had only gone back to my old unit once. Max, the priest, Hawkeye and I had all piled in, we saw what was left. It was nothing more than the bones of the OR and some supplies scattered. I could remember the feeling of seeing it as I laid there in that tiny cot. I felt like there was no hope for me, like it was seeing the remnants of it all over again. I want to go home but I don’t want to leave these people behind. All of my other friends are dead, and my brother god knows where he is. But I will pull through as I always do.

The day I found out where my brother was was single handedly the worst day of my entire life. I watched as the chopper landed, there had been another spike in attacks and he was one of the wounded.

“I call him”, i said as I saw pierce rushing to him the same time I was, “Hawk please he’s my brother”. And he nodded, going to help another patient. I felt a pulse and felt nothing. “Come on Adam please”, I said then there was a faint thump. He was still alive there was barely any air coming from his lungs, he had a few broken ribs and a gash down the length of his leg, I wasn’t letting him die on me. I got into OR as fast as I could scrubbing and tearing on my gear.

I stood over him for hours, fixing everything I could, he had a punctured lung and a tear in the wall of his stomach. I was almost done when I checked his signs to see them deteriorating. “No”, I said, rushing to do anything I could, trying to blink fast enough to keep the tears away, “I'm not letting you die”. I checked again, his heart was getting slower and slower, the beats fading away like he was. I sewed up his chest and worked fast and faster on his leg, closing the wound faster than I had ever done before. It was closed and I went to check one more than the nurse grabbed my arm. There was no pulse. I waited but it never came. His heart stayed silent and I stopped breathing. He was gone. I watched with dead eyes as they took him away. The next boy was placed on the table in front of me. I kept him alive, and the man after him, and the next. Until boy number five when I was told that was the last of them. I sat there on the bench mask still on and scrubs still clinging to my body. I rested my head back and closed my eyes. Tearing the gloves off I raised my hands to take the mask from my face. I looked down at it, I couldn’t tell his blood from the others, I should be able to tell. He was my own flesh and blood damn it I should be able to tell it’s his. I felt two bodies fall on either side of me, one being Hawkeye and the other BJ, Hawk reached out and pulled me into a hug interrupting my thoughts. BJ let one hand rest on my shoulder as they both tried to tell me it wasn’t my fault. I just shook my head, refusing to cry, refusing to let it get to me. Eventually we all made our way to the mess tent, there seemed to be few people there so i was ok with going, BJ set a mug of coffee in front of me and I thanked him with a nod of my head. Max came in a little later and then Father. All of them were sitting with me silently. This was my silent vigil to him. Magret came in not long after we had begun to talk again. She wrapped me in a hug and just listened. The air became lighter and easier. We talked about family and things like that.

“You know I think that little bastard is how I ended up a doctor”, I giggled, “he was always falling out of trees”. Klinger raised his mug.

“That used to be me”, Hawk said, “Except I would also get stuck with fishing lures and things.

“Lord”, margret laughed, “You know I once fell down a hill when I was about ten trying to see if I could go down it”.

“Wouldn’t put it past you”, BJ said and I choked slightly. The conversation moved easily and eventually it moved us all to bed. I followed Max to the office and he picked me up, dropping me on the cot.

“I got a surprise”, he said going to a corner of his desk, “Look what just came in”. It was chocolate, dark chocolate. I felt my pupils dilate as I took the smallest bite.

“Where did you even get this?” I asked and he smiled, shaking his head.

“A magician never reveals his secrets”, he said and I was ok with that. “Now move over”. I went to my side of the cot after putting the chocolate into the top drawer of his desk. He pressed his face into my hair as he tried to get comfortable. I eventually pulled so his head lay on my chest, I felt his breathing slow and let myself go as well, into the dark place of my dreams.

I was right. All US bases, M*A*S*Hs and anyone else was shipped out. Packing was a mess, it was frantic, fast. We were all going to go south, not fly out of Seoul. I knew it would be better to fly out of Osaka or Fukuoka. We all were herded into jeeps and trucks after we had all finished tearing down camp. Hawkeye, BJ, Charles, Klinger, Margret, and myself were all crowded into the same truck. I looked at all of their excited faces and my own fell.

“Charles going to the UNited States?” Hawk was surprised he was in out transport.

“Yes I might as well”, Charles smiled, “besides I’ve seen england”. I looked at Margaret who was talking to Father Mulcahy about something in depth. I could tell because her eyebrows were knitted close together and she was biting her lip. I looked to my side to see Max half asleep half listening to the conversations flowing around us.

“Come here”, I said and let him flop onto my shoulder.

“Say Lietis, where is your neck of the woods?” Charles asked, looking at me and Max.

“Oregon”, I said, “the deep woods of Oregon”. He nodded.

“Are you excited to go back?” he asked and I pursed my lips slightly.

“I suppose, but it will be hard to get used to the routine again”, I smiled, “No curfew, just freedom up there”.

“Tell you what, you come visit Maine and I’ll come visit you”, Hawk said, handing me a slip of paper.

“Deal”, I smiled, “BJ what about you?”

“Mill Valley California '', he smiled, “Right below you”. I grinned.

“I’m proud to say I’ve never set foot in Cali”, I grinned and he reached over Hawkeye to bump my arm.

“Well you should”, he said, “It’s very beautiful”.

“Y’all are too close to San Francisco for my taste”, I stuck out my tongue and he smiled. The rest of the ride was spent dozing or talking, Max slept through most of it, sometimes he would wake up to quip with Margret or someone and then fall back asleep.

“Klinger I bet you’re excited to go to Toledo huh?” Potter asked him from across the transit.

“I’m going to Oregon”, he said in a sleepy voice, “Toledo, sure I’ll visit but I need to get out more”. I snorted slightly as he situated himself.

“I heard it does wonders for your health”, Hawk jeered, laughing slightly.

“Charles you should visit”, I said, “We have a wonderful Phil”. His eyes lit up.

“Of course”, he smiled, “We should all set meeting points over the next few years you know, meet somewhere different every year or something”. I nodded.

“I agree”, Hawk said, “But before anything we need to visit Radar”. I was confused at who Radar was, sure I had heard about him a bit before but not much.

“Old company clerk”, Max mumbled, “Stand up kid”. I nodded and he once again was asleep. I smiled and soon fell asleep myself.

I woke up to Hawk threatening to leave me in the truck if I didn't hurry. We had made it. Soon we would be on a boat, then a plane, and then finally home.

The boat ride and the plane were a lot like the car, all of us talking about what we were looking forward to once we got home. The ride overseas was around 17 hours and I felt myself nodding off around the tenth hour, I was forcing myself to stay awake, to keep talking to them.

“You know you can sleep right?” BJ asked and I smiled.

“Yeah but you guys”, I gave him a sleepy smile.

“Klinger come get your girl”, BJ called over and I tried to protest only to feel Max drag me into his chair.

“Hush go to sleep”, he said when mumbles were leaving my mouth, most of them revolving around not being tired. But within minutes my world became black.

Once we landed in New York we all parted ways. BJ, Klinger and I all got on the same plane going west, Pierce Sn was waiting for his son and where the others went I would never know. Over the next few months Max settled in with Ander, Kris and myself. He was in utter awe of the mountains and the forest. Eventually the roommates moved out leaving me the house and what they left behind. It became the perfect place really. The stained glass windows and all of the secret rooms along with the library, we had done well for ourselves.

Just as Charles had accepted we had all been to see each other's houses over the years. I finally met BJ’s little girl and wife. We were the last to host. Our house was filled with laughter and banter, but one person was missing. In the corner stood a painting of Colonel Potter. I paused for a minute to look at it, his coat was draped over the wood frame and a bride hung off of the right top corner. I felt a lump form in my throat as a hand snaked its way around my waist.

“I miss him too”, it was Max. I nodded and pressed my face into his soft cotton shirt. Haw came and stood with us and then BJ followed by Charles and Margaret. Next was Father Mulcahy and Sid. We had gotten his address and asked him to come to the farewell party of a friend. The party had come to a halt all of us staring intently at the paint like if we looked hard enough he would back, but he never would. Father was saying some prayers and I said some of my own. To the Gods and to his God. I was happier than I had ever been at this moment, but it felt so incomplete. Even with the man to end all men by my side and friends I was ready to give my life for. We all stood in silent veneration as the front door opened and I felt everything become whole again. You see, it was the first time I met Radar. And he had more personal effects and stories about and from our fierce leader. I stood next to my husband and listened for hours. I was home and I was happy.

Not me ugly sobbing as I’m finishing this. It was a journey of my endangered soul. Thank you all who read it truly means the world to me to see my work out there. Feel free to leave a comment or repost. Thank you and stay safe out there chitin.

Always Yours

Icculus

#mash 4077 #m*a*s*h #max klinger #x reader #max Klinger x you #hawkeye

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