#Correct me on the flower symbolism if you know better

[laurikarauchscat]

Rhaenyra Targaryen

Green Aloe - bitterness

Purple Geranium- Lets dance

#rhaenyra targaryen #Rhaenyra #Rhaenyra fanart #asoiaf #asoif/got #asoiaf art #fan art #dance of the dragons #Targaryen #House Targaryen #house of the dragon #hotd fanart #hotd #floriography #Correct me on the flower symbolism if you know better #I'm just now Learning as i realised on my previous piece I need to learn how to draw plants #Traditional art #Hand drawn

[urlovebrini]

arranged marriage with ayato

⋆❀ — includes: ayato x fem! reader

⋆❀ — content: arranged marriage, kokomi's little sister! reader, angst, hurt/comfort, ayato is rude, ayato is bad at feelings, thoma is a sweetheart, traditions and rules, high expectations, conflict, fluff at the end, lots of water allegories, maybe a little to poetic, sfw

⋆❀ — a/n: hello everyone long time not seen, but i am back and will be writing more here! so i always love arranged marriages more if they are traditional, i try to investigate the use of japanese words the best i can but if i make a mistake feel free to correct me.

⋆❀ — arranged marries series: alhaitham | tartaglia | diluc

⋆❀˖°·࿐ ࿔˚ ayato

the strong sound of the rain lets you clear your mind and emotions a little, and even it makes you feel comfortable, it’s like the weather has decided to match your emotions, so you walk, walk to the middle of the storm, walk in the heavy rain trying to watch away all the feelings and emotions, trying to watch them and leave them behind, leave them behind as are you now leaving this house, this life, and this marriage. 

the arranged marriage with the head of the yashiro commission, kamisato ayato, was one of a show, a show of peace, a show of unity and a new beginning of relations between inazuma and ekanomiya, a marriage between one of the sangonomiya clan and one of the sanbugyou, to consolidate the peace between the two new lands, in this way, you took the responsibility, your big sister kokomi had always shouldered the heavy responsibilities alone if you could help her in something you would do, so you accepted and travelled to inazuma and married commissioner kamisato ayato, and you promised to your sister that you will be fine, in reality, you believed that you will be fine, you wanted this to work out. and maybe you were being naive, or maybe you are just weak but now you are walking in a storm hopping to get away, and as you walk you try to leave all the memories behind.

the day of the wedding was wrapped in expectation and solemnity, the gardens of the kamisato state were decorated with flowers and symbols that represent the honour of the union of ekanomiya and inazuma. the ceremony was simple and formal it was what it had to be. you remember your first big impression of ayato, cordial, charismatic, you could say charming, so you smiled, thinking that this could work better than you first thought. but when the ceremony ends and the night comes is a shift of reality, his attitude distant and cold, and you feel a gap between the two, but you try to understand.

the night came and your mind went to the room, you were nervous but you thought it would be a good chance to talk without people, get to know each other a little more, and maybe begin a friendship in the same way. so when the housekeeper of the kamisato clan guides you through hallways, surprise and confusion fill your thoughts as you take notice that your room is located apart from the main rooms. you didn't want to overthink things, but a sense of isolation starts to feel in your chest.

days passed, but the feeling grew bigger, you felt lost, but trying to take control you started to explore the new house, you were surrounded by strangers but that was a thing you thought you could change. and in the reflection of your thoughts you came to realise some things, one, the kamisato clan is always busy, the servants, ayaka, thoma and ayato are always working, two, ayato is keeping his distance from you, three, even if you are now a kamisato, you don't know what are you role or work in this house. 

you were in limbo, with a clear role or purpose in your new life, you are the kamisato ojousama, but is only in word, in reality, it is almost like you are an object a decoration, just a thing that doesn't even have a purpose and is just there. 

time goes by, and the rain gets heavier as the short memories started, you really never had a place here, it was clear since that afternoon that you walked into the office of your husband with nervousness and determination, and you really tried to integrate yourself in the kamisato clan.

“shujinsama” your voice is timid, his gaze rested on you, and although his expression was serene, you could see the trace of fatigue in his eyes. “yes, tsuma?” even in his soft voice, you could feel the distant formality that has characterized his interaction with you. his focus went back to the papers in front of him as you started to talk “i would like to help in the next event, maybe i could be in charge or something, or help in…” your voice stops as ayato eyes rest shortly on you and get back to his papers “is not necessary, all the events are managed fine by the kamisato clan, you don't need to worry about that things”

his voice was calm but your chest hurt with his words, even with that you tried again “i really wish to help in some capacity and be more involved” you don't know why but at that moment a tear slid down your face. 

silence fell between the two, as your tears slowly fell. ayato watched you, and for a moment, you saw a shadow of something beyond his facade of formality. but in the blink of an eye, his expression hardened again “ayaka is the one in charge, you are not needed” that was the first time you cried for his words.

you remember how thoma found you crying, not noticing his presence in your room as he brought you some tea, he was warm, and his words were warm, but you knew that he had a role, and you never would want to tear him from his position in the clan, so even there you were alone. and even if you are torn inside, you tried to believe in his words, in that it was only a question of time. 

for some time you tried to convince yourself that you would find a hold in this place, but is like destiny was laughing in your face, that was today, maybe yesterday, here all things have protocols, and without guidance, is difficult to not make errors. the last thing you remember before just taking a bag and getting out, was the cold eyes and cold words of ayato “your mistakes shows your negligence” you tried to control yourself, now your place “it was involuntary, i was just trying too…” but his worlds felt like knives it was confusing but you remember he saying things about responsibility, about your place, about you need to show your worth

so you try to get out, you come to a realization, even if you share the family name, you are not part of his family, even if you have taken his last name you are not part of the clan and you will never be, even if you are now a kamisato in law or paper, you realize that is not enough, there is a wall, the rain falls and in a strange way, the coldness and harshness recomforts you, without a plan you are walking away. 

"what do you think you are doing" a voice stops you, clear and loud, even in the middle of the storm, his voice is a bigger tempest to come, you can find more words, but you don't want to fight more, you never were a warrior, you never consider yourself strong and you don't want to be "going away". his voice is closer like a hurricane going your way "i ask again, what do you think you are doing?" you are in the eye of the storm "going away!, ayato i can take it anymore, i can't support a minute more” you are not looking at him, but hi looking at you his voice strong like always "and you think escaping is a solution? escaping your responsibilities here?"

your tears flow with the rain, the fear, the pain, the sadness and the desesperación flow inside you like a wave of emotions that they drag more and more into the sea, and all you can feel are those negative emotions, hoping to be washed away on a shore. 

the image of you can escape ayato eyes, his eyes fixed on you watching you, but in reality, seeing you for the first time. he sees you crumble, the intensity of your crying is even stronger than the rain, all the emotions in the wave that drags you more and more inside the sea drowning you, and you can't breath, all the weight of your emotions dragging you down. as more tears fall from your eyes, ayato sees how your breath runs out of air, your breathing more agitated and difficult. almost like you are drowning. he sees how thoma gets to you, face full of worry "breathe slowly, here with me..."

ayato takes his distance but doesn't leave, his eyes fixed on your trembling body, your reaction taking a toll on him, you can feel his gaze, his eyes, and you can feel him coming to you"i am sorry" "never have the intention to take you to this point, i… i should have managed things in a different way” but you feel your mind foggy like its an illusion, the rain pours strong over you, and your heart pours inside of you. 

you don't remember at what moment, you are taken inside the house, you don't remember at what moment you enter the bath, but now you are here surrounded by warm water and vapour, pleasant scents of lavender and rose, the room is lith in dim light, and the sound of rain continues outside.

and then the door opens, his eyes fall on you surrounded by water and spume, his eyes observe you, seeing you, he gets close, with slow and measured movements, ayato kneels next to the bathtub, is all silence only the rain until his voice breaks the silence “i have been a stupid fool, i have been also a despicable man, i made things difficult to you, and i have made you cry” his eyes fixated in you “i know apologies are not enough, but i will say sorry, and you have the right of not trusting in me, but seeing you cry like that… i don't want to make cry anymore” 

lost for words you look at him trying to form a sentence but the only thing you can say is “thanks” ayato smiles at you, and it seems like a real smile “i know I've made mistakes, that i have hurt you, and sorry is not enough, but if you are willing to give me a chance, to amend, i will change, i promise you will not longer feel trapped or unhappy”

you can only nod, this is all you wanted an opportunity, a chance, an open door, ayato hand travels slowly to your check, caressing your face, and it feels warmer than the water, his eyes are soft, his smile is soft, and he rolls up his sleeves “can i?” you nod even if you don't understand his hands travel to your hair and he starts to wash it  “ayato?” your voice is soft and he smiles to you “i promise i will make the things right”

⋆❀ — a/n: it was really a long time since i wrote something creative, but i am here and i will try to stay active and post constantly. really struggled with the start and trying to not make this a bible, hope that you enjoy it a little, maybe if it is received well i can make a long version for ao3, i like the idea of a young kokomi sister. like always commissions and suggestions are open, if you want to be tagged just tell me and be my guest, love you all have a nice day

⋆❀ — lovelies tags: @oveloof,

#໒꒰ྀིっ˕ ｡꒱ྀི১ brini writes #✮⋆˙𐙚 genshin impact #𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ayato my beloved #genshin impact #ayato my beloved #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact fluff #hurt/comfort #ayato x reader #ayato x you #arranged marriage #ayato arranged marriage

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

firstly: CONGRATS ON 1K!!! you are so beyond deserving, and we are all so appreciative of you <3 i have a submission for the event....i have to see what you do with "the night we met" by lord huron. canonverse. i want to be in pain LOL. lyrics to focus on:

"when the night was full of terror / and your eyes were filled with tears / when you had not touched me yet / take me back to the night we met / i had all and then most of you / some and now none of you / take me back to the night we met / i don't know what i'm supposed to do / haunted by the ghost of you / take me back to the night we met"

sorry if that's too many lyrics it's just what i think would work well but i lay all creative freedom over to you i think this could be a goodie (and an ouchie lol)

I DID IT AGAAAAIN i got so into it that this turned into a oneshot LMAO

i need emotional support, this made me so fucking sad (im not sorry btw)

Take Me Back | 1K Follower Event | Canonverse Angst Oneshot

✧ word count ➼ 1.2k ✧ notes ➼ canonverse, angst, post-liberio raid, i'm crying, levi deserves so much better

"This pollen is doing nothing but make me sneeze."

You glanced back at Levi and rolled your eyes.

"Oh don't be such a baby," you muttered as you continued to lead him forward. "You have a cravat for a reason, don't you?"

Levi looked almost offended at your suggestion.

"It's part of the uniform, it's not a fucking handkerchief," he scolded with a frown.

"Well, you're free to leave."

He scoffed.

"No, I'm not. If I leave, you're just going to nag at me nonstop once you get home."

"This is correct," you said with a shrug.

He stopped walking and frowned at you.

You groaned.

"Just shut up and follow, won't you?"

He grumbled quietly to himself as he followed behind in your footsteps again.

After a minute or two of walking in comfortable silence, you arrived at a field of flowers that was isolated off from the rest of the forest. There was a small flowing river that resulted from a waterfall.

When Levi looked over at you again, he saw a small smile on your face as you looked up at the waterfall and then back towards him.

"I was out exploring one day and found this area. It got me thinking."

You took his hand and walked him through the field.

"Now that we know what's outside the Walls," you spoke softly, almost as if you were too shy to suggest what was on your mind, "and once we're no longer worrying about Marley invading or Titans, we should go explore."

"Explore?"

"You know, just go on a vacation that's just us and doesn't have a motive other than just spending time with each other."

You had previously been at Marley for a few months, and although you appreciated that time, it still felt like work. You found yourself longing for a true vacation, one with no strings attached, where it was just you and him. Where you didn't have to be a soldier scouting out enemy territory, and where he could be just Levi.

He was quiet as he listened to you speak. His eyes never left you. He watched you walk as the wind swept through your hair and he found his gaze softening as he imagined the day in which you would be able to go on that journey together.

Levi sighed to himself as he opened his eyes again as that memory faded. He was standing in that same field of flowers. The waterfall and river was still flowing in front of him. The pollen was still making his nose annoyingly itchy.

However, instead of having you next to him, he only had the memory of you to hold onto—that, and the makeshift grave he had made for you to memorialize you.

You had fallen during the raid in Liberio and they were unable to recover your body. As a result, he was forced to make a grave for you that involved some of your old mobility gear and the Scout insignia on your uniform jacket that you had worn before the Scouts transitioned to their new uniforms.

His eyes fell on the symbol that was supposed to depict the wings of freedom, but that wasn't what his mind was processing. He was pulling up the memory about the very first time that he laid his eyes on you.

He remembered that night being absolutely filled the terror, with everyone's fears accumulating together as the town attempted to flee from an incoming Titan attack. He saw you and that your eyes were filled with tears, but also with anger and determination.

Levi tried to get you out, as he did with every civilian, so he could clear out the Titans, but you refused his help, continuing to ramble about destroying the Titans yourself.

He thought you were an annoying little shit at the time, but now he longed for the opportunity to place his eyes on you for the first time again, no matter how irritating you were to him at the time.

He longed to go back to the night you first met. He longed for the first time you touched, the first time you kissed, and the first time you took that step to officially be intimate with each other. He longed for all of those things that were now nothing but memories.

At that time, he had all of you and that was more than enough for him. You were the one place that he could call home. He didn't have to mask in front of you. He was safe to explore who he was outside of Humanity's Strongest™ when he was around you—but now he had none of you.

Levi Ackerman felt a void that he could not get rid of. It made him feel like something was stuck in his throat that would cut his breathing off from time to time. He felt like he was holding his breath, waiting for good news that he knew wasn't coming.

It was better when he was working or thinking about the war, but the down time in between was absolutely miserable. He found himself commonly coming to the graveyard that he had made for you. Some small part of him had hoped that if he came here enough times, it'd get easier for him to pass the time.

It didn't.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

He couldn't move on. He couldn't bear the thought of never seeing or thinking about you again—but every time he came back, he was in agony.

Levi was haunted by the ghost of you. He felt you everywhere he went. He felt you next to him during those restless nights. He felt you whenever he would get home to an empty house.

It was partially due to the guilt he resented himself for having since he couldn't save you. Of all the people he swore to protect, he could not do it for the person that mattered most to him.

He grieved the fact that there were so many things he wanted to say to you that he couldn't get himself to—and now it was too late.

He had spent weeks waiting for news regarding you miraculously surviving, but he knew the truth. He had known the whole time that you were gone—he just didn't want to admit it until now.

Levi sighed as he sat down in that field of flowers in front of the grave he had made for you.

It was getting late into the night. It was dark and quiet. If he shut his eyes, he could imagine you breathing next to him, relaxing in that field that you had shown him on that one day that he had now imprinted into his memory. The rushing of the waves masked the silence and allowed him to imagine you whispering to him to wait for you to come home and to hold onto hope.

He didn't want to leave that moment—even if he knew that it ultimately wasn't real.

im sad #: @chaotic-on-main @romantichomicide95 @lovolee3 @svftackerman @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @idkks4m @moonmalice @elnyrae @sleepyfairyxo @averysmolbear @cathybarn @tclbts @belovedackerman @bejewelledd @fuyuluvr @sad-darksoul @levis-squishy-cheeks @roseofdarknessblog @aam1na @luvjiro @noctemys @sixpennydame @dumbfound-princess @ackermendick

#fml #follower event #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackermann x reader #levi heichou x reader #captain levi x reader #levi angst #levi ackerman #levi #levi ackermann #levi heichou #captain levi #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #snk

[greenbetula]

about mahiru's day 16 outfit

Some one might've already done this, but I wanted to share my thoughts about Mahiru's day 16 outfit! this has been on my mind ever since I Love You dropped

But doesn't Mahiru's outfit kinda resemble her 2nd MV??

I'll try my best to make this understandable

First of all! Her blue dress!

It's light-blue with splotches of white and greenish-yellow... roses? are those roses? I could make out leaves and something that resembles a flower with densely arranged petals. It may or may not be roses but it's definitely a plant.

And you know, it kinda reminds of something. Blue skies with petals floating in the wind.

Or maybe even blue skies and rolling fields of grass!

Like Microsoft's Bliss:

Yes, I associate Bliss with Mahiru's blue dress.

Bliss is also called "Bucolic Green Fields". I do find the two to be such fitting names for the picture. Bliss means "complete happiness or joy" while bucolic pertains to an idyllic or idealized country life. And the picture does invoke such feelings.

It's calm and peaceful. It feels like an escape from your problems and worries, like a dream, or an illusion.

And then there's her cardigan!

It's over her blue dress and it's dark violet!!

It's a darkness that looms over a dream of bliss, perhaps the truth of her situation...

(sorry for the low quality gifs, tumblr won't let me upload better ones)

Basically it's just:

Mahiru's blue dress = her "dreamworld": the pink carousel (could extend to her birdcage in TIHTBILWY)

Mahiru's cardigan = the "real world": the forest + the dark carousel

I do believe this is one of the reasons Mahiru keeps getting portrayed in her day. 16 outfit. It's very symbolic to her character.

And that's it! I hope I explained this clearly (and please feel free to correct me if I made any wrong assumptions!)

#i have been thinking abt milgram clothing for too long #milgram #milgram project #analysis #mahiru shiina #my stuff #my ramblings

[soragawanaeru]

I'VE FINALLY MADE SOME DRAWING YESSS!

AAAAH!! CLAY WHY YOUR HAIR IS SO HARD TO DRAW SKSKSKFITK?!

Anyway this is just my take on Clay Moorington. Sorry but I can't draw armor (//YEAH NAERU YOU STUPID A**)

If you ever complained about the skin, lemme tell you reason why:

1. This artist is confused about darker skin color, but he's not that bright okay actually. I'm just too lazy to draw that pic so I just put random color using Pen (Fade)-like brush.

2. This design will be the checkpoint of my NEXO KNIGHTS X PROJECT SEKAI AU. In PROSEKA, there's no chara's with darker skin, sorry. But yeah, if you want him to be drawn as your version, go on. I'm safe for your HCS.

What the main checkpoint for my Clay design is the hair color -- the correct one is on chibi on the left, and eye colors.

1. During S1 until S3, Clay's eyes color are blue, his normal and natural one.

2. After being struck by Monstrox (S4E2), his eyes color are bright lemonish yellow (Chibi on left) and Grey Knight has same color as the stone color. Oh, don't forget that his eyes are lifeless.

3. During his awakening from stone, Clay's eyes color turned into normal blue, but added with orange (?) peach (?) whatever that highlight below (Him in the middle) This is inspired by a Korean artist who drew a chibi of how Clay's eye color and they made the eyes color like that, but they made them yellow. Clay's eyes remained that color for eternity. His eyes can turned into that yellow back if he's in trauma or having panic attack or anything that made him couldn't control himself and his magic.

(I too tried to make it yellow when I put in Screen mode it turned into that color so I just kept it like that. Besides, after some Tumblr-exploring and found a post about how magic in NK works, I think this color better because orange is quite color of Knighton)

4. He wears his blue gloves back, huzzah! Also he wore pendant. Explanations more on below when I rant about N25! Clay design.

And I made a lazy chibi of Clay in NEXO KNIGHTS X PROJECT SEKAI AU. Remember that I said he'll be in N25. Well, when I still work on plot, lemme give you some designs. (Drawn with zero motivation, sorry)

Some important things about his design.

1. In PRE-3RD ANNIV -Brand New World- Clay just wore kinda suit and vest, with black and blue colored ribbon. This followed with PRE-3RD ANNIV N25 original designs (that quite bland according to me)

.

2. In 3RD ANNIV and POST-3RD ANNIV -Brand New World- I put details on his design as what drawn. And I put some texture to follow the members design and added lotus flower on his robe just to follow the canon members' (As I rembered that Kanade and Mafuyu have iris flower, Ena has lily flower, Mizuki has germanium flower (?))

.

3. His eyes color followed what I designed him before. During beginning S3 his eyes still blue like before, during Grey Knight his eyes turn into stone-colored (As he turned into stone) and sometimes can turn into lemonish yellow color like above. After that, his final color is the same as checkpoint that I made for him.

.

4. Important things about 3RD ANNIV design:

A. His inner shirt actually have frills.

B. He wore blue pendant. At first, I don't know what type so some possibilities are tanzanite, sapphire, blue zircon, and aquamarine were the closest one. Tanzanite is meant a gemstone of transformation, symbolizes Clay's transformation in all aspects in his life. Blue zircon has a meaning to clear one's mind, symblolizes Clay's clearing mind from evil during turned into stone. Saphire symbolizes nobility, truth, sincerity, and faithfulness. Aquamarine symbolizes hapiness, hope, and everlasting youth. Yeah... You can think what type of gem that Clay uses.

C. If you saw clearly, the pendant ribbon and the veil whatever on his red shoulder had color of N25 members. The ribbon had reddish color, symbolizes Kanade's icon color. The veil had gradation of brown, purple, and pinkish color, symbolizes Ena, Mafuyu, and Mizuki.

D. He wears gloves on one side (Unlike PRE-3RD ANNIV design that he didn't use any glove, or the intial design from the first picture that he wears on both) If we follow the equality during NK stories, during S3 Clay thought it just for aesthetics. But after S4, Clay realized that it was to cover his glowing hands (IYKYK)

E. Don't forget, two garter belts on his left thighs. Just for details and accessories, no particular reason.

F. The robe he wears has gradients and textures following the N25 members design, and actually has 'cut' on his back so it's look like branched.

Wait... Okay, then that's it. I have initial HCs designs for the other Knights too and their PRSK unit clothes. I'll draw them when I have time and idea. So yeah, thank you.

#nexo knights #lego nexo knights #clay moorington #nexo knights x project sekai au

[m3l4nch0ly-h1ll]

{poem.}

title :: ❝ If I Could Reach You. ❞

words :: 1.1k

about :: A young trans boy finding his place and growing to learn about himself.

━━━━━━━━━━

Mindless children such as yourself wander with a lack of self-knowledge within you. You'll understand some time, but for now, your little mind is far too gone to help. You don't even have yourself, you must suffer. I pity you, and I pity myself for my helplessness.

An empty shell of a human, waiting to form itself. It knows no better. You cannot wait for what you do not know. If I had known better, what troubles would I be recalling at this very moment? Rather than my withered form of self?

If I could reach you, I'd make you understand.

As you grow, your shell turns into a greater mass. You grow, little by little, but the emptiness is a vast land that outmatches you, and you're lost in a void. You grow in the wrong areas that weaken you, that don't feel right. 'You are special,' he says. And at this rate, he must've been correct. You don't understand yet how badly you want something else. You can't be satisfied like the others. They call it insecurity, but you're far beyond that. And even so, you're too shallow to yet understand this depth, so you float at the surface. You can't dive, so you don't take the chance- you'd drown. You can't reach the lower and mysterious areas to discover what's waiting to be uncovered- the pressure would be too much for you as of yet.

But if I could reach you, you'd be discovering earlier on. Perhaps, you'd bloom into me, and past the others.

You are not connected like the others, so you don't try to connect. You don't fit the typical plug-in, so you lie around. You abandon for your own good. So naturally that you don't even realize. Conformity does not define you. You're black mixed with white on a scale of grayness. You're a vast in-between.

In those colored captures of your young self, you can't feel yourself. In the midst of it all- of all the beauties wandering around, you don't realize it's expected of you as well. And even when you do. You can't find your place. A concert of others, and there's no seat left for you. You don't offer your own seat- you don't have one with you.

What does that smile symbolize, young one? Eyes tell everything, but so does that forced smile of yours. It's all a facade. The smile is painted to you to cover up yourself. But I see it in your eyes, you're not feeling it. As dark as the depths of the ocean painted by a dark blue and black, in literal and figurative senses. Two pools of black ink waiting to unravel and write the story kept behind your gazes.

As you grow, they don't want you to feel yourself. You'd be a disturbance against their forces, but that's nothing for you. You don't understand much, you're still barely any of me.

If I could reach you, you'd think like me already.

But, conforming is out of your options, while you grow into the shell a tad bit more. You don't compare to the field of flowers, and you don't want to. You can't. It'd suffer you worse than your mindless self already does. You learn to grow, but not blossom. You're not like them, you don't understand why yet. You don't even question it yourself.

You are barely me. You're an unblossomed fool, now withered for eternity. I'm glad to have finally abandoned you, after that endless hell. I'm glad to have escaped you and gotten a second seed to bloom, while I watch you wither and die. It's a melancholy sight, a near recall of the past. But I'm one with the field now, and I'll forever be by your side, until I wither at good timing. All I hope is to not need another seed for another blooming.

If I could reach you, you'd find your place, free of loops and void vasts.

Maybe you look at all of those people with something other than you think. Perhaps, their beauty hits you differently than initially perceived. Consider that, it's not the romance you think it is. You're too much of a fool-fed child to yet understand that. But for now, you'll pass it by wrongfully. This is the only thing to possibly fit you in, for now. You don't understand what I do.

You don't feel the rushes and softness of pink and red. The lush beauty and nurturing. All the vulnerability and life production. Rather, you feel the depths of blue flow throughout you. To describe your melancholy, your depth, and who you don't yet know. You are not the sunset, but rather the ocean.

If I could reach you, you'd find a seat different from all of them- a seat that connects to another concert.

Who do you want to be? Suppression is far too familiar that you naturally view yourself the way others view you. What do you think when you look at her? What's there? It's not what you think. You can't find yourself a seat next her. You still can't feel yourself. All you desire is a field of grass that's greener.

If I'd been there to reach you and give you the rightful chance to blossom out of that mindless life. To grow out of that tough shell holding you back from your world.

You grow and wither away, and a seed is planted beside you to bloom into me. To bloom quicker than you withered. You got a chance at a new starting point, connected to the withered form of self.

A late-hatching egg, finally escaping its shell. Finally being released from a closed hell. Birthed to a closed-off world and opening up to another to find yourself.

The latest-growing bird finally learning to fly. Your peers are fast learners and soaring through the sky, getting to experience a world not known to you. Meanwhile all you can do is experience the lower end, until you learn to fly with them and be your own soarer.

A catepillar escaping its cocoon. Your fellows have already shaped into flight-takers and left you behind. Give it some time, and you'll be your own magnificent creature taking flight and exploring the beauties of the world.

And if I could've reached you, you wouldn't have went through all this trouble, being behind your peers. But alas, you've done what you could for me, and I'm ahead.

#queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia #ftm #trans #transgender #trans man #trans ftm #poems #poetry #trans boy

[mik0rin]

is it better to speak or to die ?

college!jean kirsten x college!black fem reader

genre: angst

warnings: the word die is used quite a lot, major character death (even though not explicitly stated), grief, cursing

word count: 1.3k

a/n: acacia flowers symbolize concealed love, just a little fact you should know ;))

Is it better to speak or to die? 

Maybe it’s better to speak. 

Talk endlessly until it ends in a fit of giggles. And then keep going because it makes one feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

Talk endlessly until it ends in blubbering tears. And then keep going because it hurts in a way that needs words to explain. 

And then the realization dawns that words carry quite the weight. 

And with that they can kill; they kill the soul, kill confidence, and kill relationships. 

But words can also resurrect, something the dead can never do. But do people always want to take that chance?

The brave do. 

Or maybe the foolish do. 

They string together eloquent sentences or stutter through their consonants. They speak because the words scratch them up inside, tearing at their hearts and minds until the pain becomes unbearable and the words must spill out. 

Is it better to speak or to die?

Maybe it’s better to die.

Is it a requirement for every thought to be vocalized? What’s wrong with quiet? With silence? 

There’s beauty in unspoken agreement and chats based on facial expressions. 

So die with unspoken words- without ever knowing the reaction of the ears it lands on. 

Avoid rejection and heartbreak. Creeping around arguments and pent-up anger. Narrowly missing trauma and anguish. 

Take your words to the grave the same way promises are taken to the coffin, and for every nail that keeps the wood in place: a person that doesn’t have to hear your wretched voice. 

Maybe it’s better to speak.

Speak with love and adoration. Joy and wonder. 

For every letter to pass through your lips at least thrice. And for syllables to start sounding rhythmic. 

To never die with words unspoken. 

Maybe it’s better to die. 

Die after life has had its fill with you. Die because you’ve had your fill with life. 

Die with words stuck behind your lips, saving your breath. 

For less than kind words to never bathe in sunlight. 

Or for the moonlight to be savored in silence. 

Is it better to speak or to die?

Maybe it’s better to speak and then die.

Because one cannot die and then speak. 

And even if it was possible, it would only be ghostly paragraphs and mourning speeches. 

Because the living and the dead can never truly have a conversation.

“What do you think? I have to turn it in tomorrow.” 

The repeating click of a pen follows the question. A sign of anxiety or maybe impatience. 

“I forgot a comma somewhere….” The voice trails off and flips the pages, looking for a mistake to correct. 

The spring wind blows and it carries the sweet smell of budding flowers and yesterday’s rain. It sweeps up the assignment, scattering it about the ground. And the boy begins to quickly pick it up, hoping the lingering rainwater doesn’t cause the ink to bleed. But a small fumble of the finger results in a paper cut and blood stains the sheets instead. 

“Ha.”

It comes out in a short puff of air.

Then another ha accompanies it. And another and another until they all just turn into laughter. 

Then laughter into devastating tears. 

“I must look fucking insane, bleeding and reading my homework to you. You can’t comment on anything, you can't even look me in the eyes anymore.” 

His hands grip the grass, tearing a few blades out of the ground. He sprinkles them back on the ground and grabs a tissue from his backpack, using it to wipe away his tears and to clean the blood from his small wound. His back hits the wet grass and it soaks his thin t-shirt but he doesn’t care, the uncomfortable feeling of wet clothing could be ignored. 

“Would you believe me if I said this was a love letter?” Jean whispers even though no one is listening. 

It wasn’t a lie, it truly was a love letter even if I didn’t sound like one. And it wasn’t supposed to be written like that either, the words were once arranged in different order and the stanzas weren’t twinged with such helplessness. 

The brown-eyed boy remembers when the paper was covered in a hundred different ways to detail her beauty, when he compared her to the cosmos and her voice to the calming sound of the tides. But that’s all he can remember, he can only remember the words he wanted to say. 

His mind is full of conversations they could’ve had and the paths he could’ve taken. 

Jean’s emotions, maybe the second most important part of this entire ordeal, only grow as the days go on. And he realizes humans are liars by design, not only out of ill-intent. He knows they were trying to make him feel better but all these emotions, the ones everyone said would subside with time, haven’t and he’s starting to doubt they ever will. 

The only thing that’s become faint are the memories. They have started to fade and it’s absolutely terrifying. 

What happens when he forgets the sound of her laugh? Her face of sheer determination and utter concentration. What about that quiet exasperated sigh that always left her glossy lips when she would explain something to him for the fifth time? (Even though he got it the first time but adores her pronunciation). When he can no longer recognize the scent of her perfume? When he forgets the way she slightly trips over her untied shoelaces, or how she saved him a seat every Wednesday because he was always fifteen minutes late. 

And how horrifying it will be when he forgets how absolutely wonderful and heartbreaking it was to only be her friend. 

“I was supposed to confess to you, you know.” A sad smile bends his lips, and the tears roll down his face once again but not as fast as before. 

“I had a whole plan and it was pretty brilliant, it had all these flowers and pretty lights and a love poem. You would’ve loved it- if you liked me back and I guess that’s the worst part of it all. I’ll never know if you would’ve accepted my feelings or rejected me. I’ll never get a chance to find out.” 

His voice cracks with grief as he continues speaking, “I really loved- love, I really love you and it isn’t fair. What good is it that only I know the love I have for you? You should know, you deserve to know, it’s something that should be shared between the two of us.” 

A single droplet of rain falls onto Jean’s cheeks and he confuses it with his tears until more follow. It starts as a light drizzle but within seconds it begins to pour and it drenches him. But he doesn’t move, he lets the rain wash over him and cover every inch of his body. 

And he cries.

He cries tears of sorrow, of regret, of desperation, and arguably the most important and painful: tears of love. 

He cries out her name and pleas for his lover to be returned back to him. 

And the last thing he cries for is an opportunity, an opportunity to tell her how much of his heart she owns.

The downpour starts to slow and the long-haired boy thinks it’s a sign telling him to leave. 

So Jean sits up, his clothes heavier and his heart even moreso. His papers were now reduced to mush on the ground and he couldn’t even read the title. He collects his rain-damaged belongings and stands up, mustering up the energy to leave. And as his parting message to his beloved, he places a single pink acacia atop the disintegrating papers and whispers out a very shaky, 

“I like you. I will always like you.”

a/n: hiii, i’ve returned (with something extra sad lmao) but i had to write after hearing a quote on tiktok,,, hopefully i didn’t break y’all’s hearts too much and if i did…. sorry <333,,, something happy will be posted next, promise !!

#jean kirstein #jean kirschtein scenarios #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschtein angst #attack on titan #jean kirschtien #jean kirschtein x you #jean kirschtein fanfiction #aot #jean aot #jean x black reader #jean kirstein x black reader #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein x you #aot fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #jean kirstein fanfiction #saturn’s masterlist #mik0rin’s masterlist

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Analyzing volume covers

Number 15 – Kawata twins

The first volume cover Wakui did that carries a lot of symbolism is the 15th – the Kawata twins’. It’s also the one with the most symbolism (alongside Wakasa & Benkei’s) - they have so much stuffs on their clothes.

To start with the obvious – where one wears white, the other wears black and vice versa ; there’s also the fact Angry’s clothes patterns are mostly red whereas Smiley’s are mostly blue. It contrasts with their hair color, of course, but also with each other’s image color (Smiley’s amber, Angry’s light blue). Red-blue, light blue-peach, and amber-(although it seems to be neon and not light)blue are complementary colors.

Angry has pine trees (longevity, perseverance), cherry blossoms (optimist, the fleeting nature of life and is a symbol of death and rebirth), the flowers are perhaps morning glories and daisies (i’m not sure about these, do correct me if you know better), and a crane (or more) which symbolize longevity in Japanese culture.

Smiley has chrysanthemums (imperial family) (or dahlias ?, in which case it would mean ‘(of) good taste’)), red spider lilies (death, never to meet again, departure, final farewell), what I assume is water (renewal, cleansing, the flow of life), and this which is a traditional Japanese pattern. I assume it’s fans (prosperity) (it doesn’t look like typical waves patterns).

And now, the most interesting part : the masks.

The ones with the horns are Hannya, masks commonly used in Noh theater, the ones looking humans are masks used in Noh theater to depict young women (in Noh theater, all actors wear masks and have to rely more on body language to express emotions).

Hannya are vengeful ghosts of jealous and resentful women.

I’ll take a risk and say the other masks are ‘Murasame’ and ‘Matsukaze’, which are two Noh play characters who are sisters as well (I didn’t find any other relevant information to link to the twins) . If that’s the case, then Angry (who probably has Murasame, the younger sister) has a Ko-omote and Smiley (who probably has Matsukaze, the older sister) has a Waka-onna. There are not much differences in the design of the mask.

Let’s look at the mask details now.

Smiley’s Waka-onna is the one with cracks, whereas Angry has cracks on his Hannya. Looks like an angel is a demon vs looks like a demon is an angel. Angry’s Ko-omote seems to be really smiling (notably with her eye) whereas Smiley’s Waka-onna actually seems still/to hold a neutral expression – but that could only be an angle matter. As for the Hannyas.. One thing about Noh theater is that the masks are made in a way they can convey more than one expression depending on which angle you look at ; the Hannya is known for having two main : frightening and angry or sorrowful and crying. Angry’s Hannya’s eye seems to be frowing more than Smiley’s (again, that could be an angle thing/not made on purpose), his mouth seems to grimace and not smile (unlike Smiley’s) AND. There’s a tear. (You can't convince me it's just a shadow thing. You can't. It's a tear and I know it.)

Also, like Wakasa & Benkei, the fact Angry’s mouth is almost always open showing his teeth, and Smiley is almost never since he’s always smiling, reminds me of the Kumainus (always in pair, ward off evil spirits, deities’ protectors, one has its mouth close while the other has its open)

#tokyo revengers #tok rev #tokrev #tr #i have too many tabs open making those #but its fun #kawata twins #souya kawata #nahoya kawata #tr smiley #tr angry #tokrev smiley #tokrev angry #tokrev nahoya #tokrev souya #btw im doing my best to find the japanese symbolism of everything #trying my best not to look at any western (or other culture) meaning #looking at the kawata is the same as playing 'spot the difference(s)' #love it. they really make you believe they at least have the same back design and then. angrys hannya is crying and smileys isnt

[blackjackkent]

OK, day off from work so continuing our adventures through the Underdark!

Brought Hector and Co. back with their cargo of magic-dampening flowers to shut down the turrets in the Arcane Tower, so now we can take a proper look around.

Sad lore in a note on the ground outside the tower:

This poor person is not only going to come back to find their love isn't here but also all their stuff missing. o.o;

There's not a lot of interest to loot that I didn't find in my last panicked run through the place, but now that I can look around unbothered, It's easy enough to find a jumping route down to the lower level.

Nothing too terribly interesting to loot downstairs either - a lot of clothes, primarily, and a rather cryptic book in one corner:

Sent Hector all the way down to the base of the tower via Misty Step, where there's a nice garden with more of the anti-magic blooms.

From here we can break into the bottom floor, which is looking pretty tore up but does contain the engine that is supposed to power the elevator.

Apparently, the correct action to get the generator working is to put a Sussur flower in here. I'll be honest - this one baffles me. I would have assumed the elevator was powered by magic, so putting an anti-magic thing in it seems incredibly counterintuitive to me. But there you go.

This restored power to the whole tower and turned off the turrets!

It also apparently woke up a bunch of guardians on the top floor of the tower. So I guess we'd better go check that out.

More looting on the way to the top floor. Found this:

An engraved disc of githyanki origin containing a complex cipher that can decrypt ancient gith dialects. A useful discovery, if one should encounter such archaic writings.

There's also a githyanki disc on a nearby shelf, and we're able to use this cipher to decode it, a process which gets its own cutscene.

Narrator: The disc is formed from slate and engraved with githyanki writing. You examine them closely but can't make much sense of them. Using the cipher you found, you might be able to reveal the disc's meaning.

Use the cipher you found to decode the symbols.

Narrator: A pattern forms as you gaze at the disc, and from within that pattern, a story emerges. 'The Prince of the Comet, Part One.'

'So it was that we were free from ghaik shackles and turned our blades on each other. The heavens were shattered, and one great empire was divided in two. Gith travelled to the Hells to broker help for her people, her cause. Vlaakith would have you believe Mother Gith proclaimed her our queen. Lies! Gith made no such proclamation. Vlaakith sized the empire against the Mother's wishes. But Gith had nurtured a son. Orpheus, Prince of the Comet, the True Heir! He knew Vlaakith's treachery. Orpheus rallied Gith's honor guard and declared the throne for himself. The War of the Comet had begun.'

It's an intriguing tale - and a forbidden one, given how expertly it was encoded. Lae'zel will surely want to know of this.

Iiiiiiiinteresting. We've heard the name Vlaakith before; Lae'zel has invoked in the way one would invoke the name of a god. Sounds like there may be more than one story of githyanki history, though. We'll talk to her about it at the next camp.

Another bit of lore, this time referencing a grave near the tower that I encountered before:

Aw. But also oh dear, was that the bulette we fought earlier? o.o; Sorry Lenore.

There's a button on one of the windowsills up here. Hector pressed it and then commented "Strange place for a button, especially one that doesn't work." Odd.

Looked into a mirror near the bed and he commented, "Still me, even after everything." There is no way this isn't meant as an Undertale reference, and I love that. :D

Finally we reach the top - and Hector's compulsive curiosity and desire to read every book he runs across pays off!

We're greeted by one of the automatons patrolling up here. "New sounds through damp and dark oppression break./Is it the foe, that foul, contemptuous heel?"

Narrator: You know these words - they are from the opening stanza of a play you found in this very tower.

So Hector, because he is a nerd, quotes it back. :D 'Or art thou friend, a rescue from my lonely wake?'

The automaton accepts this, and bows. "Come out of love for me, not love for blood and steel. Command as you see fit, my lord, my liege."

Gale was unimpressed by this. "Don't get me wrong - I love poetry as much as the next wizard, but using it to command an automaton...seems a bit self-indulgent to me."

Gale, you are as extra as they come, so you have NO room to talk. XD

#bjk plays baldur's gate 3 #hector carlisle

[just-kit-ink]

*deep breathes* would you care for some long overdue Dragon AU Smarty-Pop tidbits before I go into work?

(I must point out; I have yet to find a medival name for Poppy XD if my sources are correct, poppies symbolized blood drawn in wars back then, so I don't think her parents would want to name their daughter after that. I'm thinking maybe she could be named Flora? But for now, I'm just gonna refer to her as Poppy)

- When Smartaz started to like Poppy more, he gave her one of the few rooms in the castle that was still in tact (after they took over this place, the dragons had 'renovated' most of the castle to suit their needs, so this really was a rare commodity in their place). Before, Poppy just slept... Wherever really, usually near one of the dragons to ensure she didn't escape. But now she can enjoy her privacy ^^

- Not a headcannon necessarily, more like a scenario. When he trusted her enough not to try to run, he brought her to the abandoned village right outside the castle. It was overrun with nature, but Poppy loved it. And this was in the middle of spring. So you know what that means; flower crowns.

Smartaz: *eyeing the huge circle of flowers in Poppy's hands confusedly* What's dat supposed t'be?

Poppy: A flower crown. Spending time in the castle gardens back home was one of my favorite pastimes. I've learned a few things about the flora of our world.

Smartaz: ... Awright, but that doesn't tell me why it's so big.

Poppy: *stands up, showing off the completed crown* Bevause it is for you ^^

Smartaz: What?? You ain't putting dat thing on me!

Poppy: *tilts her head to the side* Why not? Are you allergic?

Smartaz: Wha- No! Why- Why do you wanna put flowers on a dragon???

Poppy: *smile falls, looks down to the crown she worked hard on* ... I just thought... I wanted to show you something I liked...

Smartaz: ...

Smartaz: *huffs through his nose before lowering his head down for her* Awright. Don't expect this t'be a common occurrence though.

Poppy: *smiles softly before placing the crown carefully on his head* Thank you... I think it looks good on you.

Smartaz: *scoffs* They're just gonna die, ya'know. They're gonna wilt away. Might even fall off when I fly 'ya back.

Poppy: *looks deep into his eyes* I know. They may not last like silver and gold. But that is all the more reason to treasure them while you still can.

Smartaz: ... *definitely not thinking about applying that advice to the princess right now*

- When they get together, Smartaz wanted to adorn her in jewelry from his own horde. Both to show others that she's a part of his treasure now, and show her that he trusts and loves her enough to share with her.

- Poppy isn't as fond of jewelry as he is, but she does this for him because she loves him and knows this is important to him. But her most favorite piece of jewelry he's given her that she refuses to take off now is a ruby encrusted bracelet, that matches his ruby ring. This is their equivalent of wedding rings.

- Speaking of Smartaz' treasure; instead of being a seamstress who can mend his suit in this AU, I'm thinking Poppy volunteers to help keep his jewelry clean and sparkling. She can probably clean them more efficiently than he can, being able to see and reach the little details better than him. She knows he doesn't expect her to, but she wants to do it for him ^^

- When Poppy was first taken, she at first kept her wedding ring from Ben on (a small part of her that she was ashamed of was disappointed that the dragons didn't take it). Not because she wanted to, but because she felt like she had to be loyal to a marriage she had no say in. But when she and Smartaz got together, he chose to keep the ring. Just so he could snidely give it back to Ben when he finally came for Poppy and tell her that she wasn't his anymore.

- Poppy is the only human he let's ride on his back. Smartaz will have one of the others carry any human prisoners or just drag them by the teeth or claws himself. It's partly a 'I'm the leader, I don't have to do that work' sort of thing, and partly because he's trying to establish dominance as the smallest dragon. But for Poppy, he's willing to lower himself and let her climb on his back before taking off with her. After making sure she's secure and won't fall off, of course.

- Now that she's with him, Poppy is also around when they come back from raides and gets to see any prisoners they may bring back. Poppy is the one who tries to encourage Smartaz to be more merciful and will treat the prisoners kindly despite his annoyance at that. Unfortunately, this has led to some desperate prisoners trying to take advantage of that and use Poppy to escape. Whether that be them trying to threaten Smartaz her life for their freedom, or manipulate her... I don't think he'd react kindly to that at all.

This is all I can think of right now XD I hope you like these! ^^

//*puts on Kitty's psychology cap* I think what we are dealing with here is an example of Lima Syndrome. The opposite of Stockholm Syndrome, this is when the captor starts falling in love with their prisoner and grapples with wanting to let them go free. And in some cases does.

Also Smartaz being the only dragon who lets Poppy ride on his back in the cutest thing I'm imagining the most sour-faced dragon with beady golden eyes carrying this fragile, white clad maiden around with him and she's soft-faced and innocent and kindly and he's just seething with rage all while expressing a totally tender gesture 😆😊

Also oooff the medieval level of loyalty to her husband even though he's a shit 😓 She deserves a knight...or a dragon!

I love mean-looking dragons wearing flower crowns. I think she tugged his blackened heart with that last sentence! 🥲 (and it tugged mine too Omg I love sentiments like that! 😩)

#marinerainbow #who framed roger rabbit #toon patrol #poppy o'hare #au

[givemeanaccountalready]

Haruka Sakurai: the Breakdown of a Soggy, Blue Blorbo (1/2)

I really started this post going, “Oh boy, I can’t wait to talk about one of my blorbos,” and I have once again made a new conspiracy board. I swear to you, I just wanted to do a character analysis. Now, I’m certain that something happened during the night of fireworks involving the girl, and that this is how Haruka ‘started’ (more like grabbed and thrown down the first leg of it, at least) down the wrong path.

Night of the Fireworks: Haruka, what happened?

When it was very slow at work, I took the time to play “Weakness” at 0.25x speed to take as many screenshots as I could of the music video to break it down.

The music video opens with Haruka sitting at a vanity, toying with the pendant on his necklace as he looks at his reflection. I know the theory that the younger boy in "Weakness" is actually his younger brother, but I lean towards the idea that the younger boy is Haruka as a child. They look too identical to be brothers. If I had to estimate how old younger Haruka is, I would say between the ages of 10-12. He looks like he's in the last years of elementary school.

Because I can, we're going to call 17 year old Haruka Haruka, and his younger self can be Chibi. I could call him YH for young Haruka, but I like Chibi better.

When Haruka sees Chibi, he falls backwards and we're treated to the first image of Haruka sinking as the first verse begins to play. There's a bit of a cut to Haruka with his knees up to his chest and we can see a child's doodles surround him. We also see the Frankendog and then Chibi with Haruka's mother. Chibi and Mom are walking along, with Chibi smiling and talking while Mom's face is cut out.

If you look closely, it looks like Chibi is trying to hold Mom's hand, but she isn't closing her hand around her son's. She seems to be letting him hang off of her. Since she doesn't have a face, it's hard to tell what she's thinking, and tbh, the dark shadow over her face makes her seem menacing, to me at least. Her posture seems a bit stiff to me, and she's not turning her face like she's involved in the conversation. Chibi just seems to be talking, and his eyes are closed, so he's blind to how involved in this conversation she's in and her emotions, (since we can't see her dang face). But do you know whose eyes are open? Haruka, and he is currently singing asking what went wrong to cause all these changes:

“Tell me, why are you drifting away from me? / Tell me, why do you say it's my fault? / The words I tried to say were "You're unfair," and those words thought how pitiful I am / Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don't change”

Something clearly happened but Haruka (and us) are out of the loop. The next line in the song is when Haruka grabs Chibi by the back of his shirt. For the first time, Chibi isn't smiling as he turns and faces his older self. Haruka responds by shoving Chibi into the puddle. However, Haruka is the one sinking, not Chibi and he watches a memory of Chibi and the Girl in Pink walking hand in hand.

Haruka almost seems wistful when he looks at that memory. Then the screen cuts to him with his hands over his ears while blue and white fireworks appear to be going off in the background while, “The right future chose the wrong me,” plays. Then we see Chibi and Girl are running together, still hand in hand, and Haruka sings, “I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling / I was in denial, I was in denial”. Then, there's a brief cut to Haruka being surrounded by yellow camellias, and then to his hand reaching out to grab the Girl.

I am 85% sure that those are yellow camellias, and not yellow carnations. From what I've seen on Google Images, yellow carnations have a more concentrated color evenly spread out while the yellow camellias seem to become paler yellow/light tanner the farther from center of flower (pistil?). I'm not a botanist, so please correct me. From what I've found online, yellow camellia flowers symbolize longing (for love, to love, to be loved, it doesn't specify beyond the heart wants what it wants). If it was a yellow carnation, I found one definition being that "you disappointed me/rejection" which also fits Haruka's story.

Haruka reaches out for the Girl, and does his chorus routine of throwing his head back and laughing while "AHaHa, please notice me," plays. Then, the light shines on this mf's hands as he admits, "I was wrong / Yes, it was me," and then he wakes up in his bed. I just want you to note that Haruka's hands are clean.

We go on so Haruka can sink to the bottom of the screen while his many childhood drawings are shown and then Frankendog makes his reappearance! Chibi is petting Frankendog while his mother watches. We still can't see Mom's face, but she's crouched down like she's interacting with Chibi and Frankendog, which is better than before. Then, oh no! Frankendog runs away into the dark, scary, red-lit woods with Chibi walking in after him. We see mountains, more yellow camellias, and a blue moon (the moon was grey before).

Now, Chibi is getting nervous. We can't see his eyes, but we can see a little sweat drop of tension on his face, his shoulders are hunched forward, and his arm is grabbing at his shirt front, probably him trying to fiddle with the buttons or pluck at the shirt to let out his nervous energy. Then! We see dog prints! Or maybe a bear's! I'm not a zoologist either. But the important thing is that the scribbly blood is on the ground. Chibi wipes his brow, and that's when he notices that there is scribbly blood on his tiny hands! But whose face do we see react to the bloody hands? Not Chibi since the hair is too long. It's Haruka.

Then we cut to the chorus where Haruka’s bringing a large rock down over his head onto something offscreen and he’s throwing his head back and laughs. We see his clean hands one more time and he wakes up in bed.

We cut to the next scene where everything is his fireworks doodlings on LSD. It’s bright, loud, and there’s just Haruka’s bright blue silhouette staring at us with anguished eyes. Then we see him reach out for his mother (whose back is towards Haruka and us) and she fades from view. Jump cut to Haruka, where a single tear rolls down his cheek and into a pool of water. (It looks like there's a little crown when the water splashes up.) And while all this happens, Haruka sings:

“Even if I keep trying it / It’s broken right away / The things that aren’t here, and the unneeded things / Is it still living somewhere?”

Haruka sinks one more time and watches the memory of him (as Chibi) walking with Mom, and Haruka looks rather ticked off. An open, outstretched hand shoots out from the screen. (There were so many of these throughout the entire video, from when he grabbed Chibi at the beginning to him trying to reach out to the Girl and then Mom.) Haruka catches Chibi again, this time by the throat. And then Haruka proceeds to strangle Chibi. Despite having free hands, Chibi doesn't fight back. His hands are semi-curled like he's going to make a fist, but Chibi doesn't lift them up towards his neck to try and pry himself free. They twitch like Chibi started moving, but his hands don't really go above his hips. It's like he started to fight and then froze up. These lines play during this scene.

"I cried, I screamed / I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling / I was in denial, I was in denial / I just had to make sure / I've become a victim, I've become a victim / My loneliness was desired / I was falling, I was falling down / My life started in the wrong spot"

The chorus finishes up as Haruka throws his head back and laugh, only this time, tears are streaming down his face. Haruka briefly becomes despondent as he admits he was wrong. We're treated to another show of light uncovering his still clean hands. There's a scribbly silhouette underneath him that looks like Chibi and then quickly becomes distorted into something I can't recognize. The song ends on Haruka's tearful smile as he admits, "I was wrong / Yes, it was me" and then it cuts to black.

Now, what's the point of me dragging you through a fricking play-by-play summary? Something happened the night of the fireworks. Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. What happened?

I think the Girl is Haruka's sister. Younger sister to be specific, though definitely not more than two years younger than him. Girls tend to be slightly bigger than the boys at 9-12, which would explain why she’s almost the same height as him despite Haruka being not much older than her. I would say that they're probably about a year apart, since she is only slightly smaller than him. Why not twins? Well, because during the second trial written interrogation questions, on Question 4, Haruka wrote down that "It seems like she [his mother] wanted a girl. She had already chosen this name." If they were twins, the girl would have been named Haruka, and Haruka probably would have gotten some generic boy name, or maybe a different, but still feminine name similar to Haruka. If we can take Haruka’s statement at face value, we could say that Haruka’s mom wanted a girl more than a son. If Girl is Haruka’s younger sister, then her wish for a daughter had been fulfilled, but now her daughter doesn’t have the name she had originally wanted to give her. Haruka’s second strike (his first being born a boy).

His mother seems distant to him in the beginning of the music video back when Chibi tries to hold Mom’s hand but she doesn’t really wrap her hand around her son’s. But like I said, Chibi doesn’t seem to notice since his damn eyes are closed. We don’t see Mom with the Girl, which does put a hole in my theory. Perhaps a memory of Mom favoring Girl over Haruka really would have set him off, or perhaps this theory is wrong.

Even if the Girl is Haruka’s little sister, what the hell do you think happened the night of the fireworks? Okay, this is what I think what happened that night:

Chibi (10-12 year old Haruka) and Girl went to a festival or some sort of celebration where fireworks were being set off. Mom gave them special permission to go by themselves so long as they stick together, with the implication that Chibi looks out for his younger sister. Chibi gets distracted by the dog. The kind of dog doesn’t matter (hence the Frankendog), but Chibi does get separated from his sister. Maybe the fireworks scared the dog off? The important thing is that the two kids are now separated, and it’s implied to be Haruka’s fault. Chibi doesn’t seem bothered by losing the dog at first, but what makes him freak out is him realizing that the Girl is gone. Mom will “make that disappointed face again” and he is scared of being in trouble. Chibi has to find her.

Now, the Girl is either dead or hurt when he does find her, and there are two possibly perpetrators: someone unseen (because of the giant hands keep trying to grab the ladies in the video), or Chibi. Whether the Girl did die or was hurt doesn’t matter, what matters is that the damage was done. We see Chibi wipe his brow in relief, and then flinch when he realizes there’s blood on his hands. I think that’s supposed to symbolize Chibi finding the Girl and then realizing she was hurt and that he is responsible (either for losing her, or because he did it). Chibi seems like a normal, happy kid. If he did hurt the Girl, I think it was an accident. We never see Chibi lash out in “Weakness” only Haruka. It is possible that some unknown party was hurting the Girl and Haruka interrupted, leading to him being attacked by the same perpetrator (you do see a weird doodle of some fanged mermaid looking thing a couple of times in the background which could represent the perp). Maybe Chibi had gotten a head injury for interrupting. They have been known to cause a flip in personality (see Phineas Gage) and bad concussions and other severe brain trauma can lead to memory problems and other cognitive issues which could explain why Haruka doesn’t use kanji more advanced than what a grade schooler can use. I’m not a medical doctor either, and assuming he has a head injury is a big leap of faith.

But a head injury bad enough to impair his functioning could explain why others call him crazy (being unable to describe the attacker well or tell a clear version of events) and why Haruka has gaps in his knowledge. Something has happened, even if he can’t remember it and he blames himself. But what’s done is done. It cannot be undone. But Haruka is left to repeat that day over and over because he feels responsible for it.

More on this in the next post.

#milgram project #milgram analysis #milgram theory #haruka sakurai #long post #holy guacamole this was long #soggy blue blorbo analysis

[faithofgods]

flor; birthday snippet 03 || errands in treles

It's busy.

A packed main street, swell of life washing over the busiest part of the day, and Flor's arms are full.

A bundle of flowers tied tight with twine in one, loose petals marking the trail they walk, the wind and bustle catching some and directing them to the canals. Pink and purple spots float along, carried away by water. In their other arm sits bread. A rough evening hammered away through their favorite stress relief, resulting in too much for them alone to consume.

At their side, trailing the same as the falling petals, paces Dinah, their rusty-amber shawl engulfing them and the ends of it flicking up as they speed to keep pace. Their hood has been pulled low, even in the heat of middle day; with each step comes a soft chime, the bells tied to their clothes bouncing in time.

Stomping along beside them, Flor had internally fitted 'pouting' to their behavior. 'A pain' to take a direct route through the city instead of using the underground channels, but Flor had insisted.

Early afternoon, when the sun is high and the sky has yet to dream of darkening—how could they wish for any other sight?

"You didn't have to accompany me, Dier," they start, a small smile aimed down to them. "Though I hope you know your company is always appreciated."

"You think there was a choice in this?" A dismissive scoff sounds from them, muffled by their hood, and Flor's smile widens. "Better this than a river of reports that the city's great Desan has tripped and drowned in the canals."

"If that's really your reasoning, then it's equally worthy of appreciation." Flor glances at their feet, arms raising in time with their knees as they step over a pile of laid out lumber. "I carry no symbol of Dioth, in any case. She'd soon drag me under if I were to make the mistake of slipping in."

"And slipping is the only way in, in your mind." Rattle of bells again, growing louder as their head shakes. "You place too much trust in these people."

"Perhaps." The smallest concession, their smile fading. Softer, duller. "But we're nothing without it."

A belief they've held for as long as they could remember, and one that's carried them through Treles' high gates. Parting them from their family, their home, all those they'd known and had to leave behind—it wasn't easy. Oftentimes, it felt like a mistake, though it's one they're still unsure they'd change.

A nudge to Dinah's shoulder with their own, a nod of their head to turn into a smaller, quieter side street; reminiscent of ones back home in Dira, though it misses the bright lanterns and colorful banners, the warm, smiling faces milling around.

A short walk, to get to their old mentor's house, a path ingrained in memory.

They carry on blindly, now, the shade of taller buildings and sprawling walkways cutting across overhead blocking out much of the sun. A trust placed in their steps, that the street will be clear, that Havva will be there to open the door, to accept the bread and bring the flowers to Mia's bedside.

A faith they have to keep.

Without it, the people in this new life, ones they care about deeply and fret over often, would never have come their way. Each decision they make is surely a sign that the path they're on is the correct one—if it wasn't, if they had any doubt in that...

Their foot brushes a step, one of thousands that crawl their way up through the districts, and they stumble, arms caught in their offerings. Dinah's hands fly out, a firm grip on Flor's shoulders and hauling them back upright. A long sigh slips from them, breathed out past the frantic chime of bells.

It's a thought they've hesitated on considering for a long, long while, and one they'll continue to drag to the side, let simmer in the back of their mind until they can decide on what the true answer to it is.

They have to. There'd be no peace for them otherwise.

#q #snippets #flor #+dinah. heh. #flor's errand day = flor's existential crisis day.

[shiitake-affectionate]

WTNV Analysis 1, Pilot

These will follow a rough pattern of analyzing individual segments, then analyzing the “overarching plot”, even though this particular episode doesn’t have much in the way of that.

A foreword: my first introduction to wtnv was at a friend’s sleepover, scrolling on my phone long after everyone else went to sleep, staring vacantly out a window at the stars. I started up the first episode on my cheap dollar store earbuds, the kind that only ever have one working earbud, and fell in love with the podcast instantly. In my opinion this is probably the best time to be introduced to wtnv, your mind in an exhausted half-sleep, no longer focused on the semantics of things like logic and reason. Hearing the first words of this podcast fills me with such nostalgia for the way thing were back then.

This will be the last personal anecdote, though.

Segments

“A friendly desert community where the sun is bright, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.” This epigram, as I’m choosing to call it, for lack of a better term, sets the scene quite well. A friendly town, amid a hot desert, but something is… anomalous. You know what you’re in for without really knowing what you’re in for.

The dog park is the first segment of wtnv, it will be a recurring segment in the years to come. It will reveal untold depths.  But for now, I ask, what does the dog park symbolize? There is no correct answer, but I would like for you all to think on it for future appearances.

Old woman josie is meant to evoke the image of a sweet old grandma who is, perhaps, a bit racist. The comment that one of the angels was “black”. This interpretation of her changes with time, but this was the image she was initially meant to invoke. This segment, and this description of one being black, also serves to, perhaps, evoke an image of the angels in your mind. Something, perhaps, of the stereotypically winged human variety. Keep this in mind.

“We have all been scientists at one point in our lives.” Its an interesting quote, what does Cecil refer to here? To the inherent curiosity of childhood? To something more literal perhaps? Of similar nature to future episodes where characters are referenced as being seventeen years old for a long time. It’s impossible to say, really, but I enjoy thinking on it.

The helicopters that are described as having intricate portraits of birds of prey. This is meant to evoke the notion of these helicopters being dangerous, predatory. In this segment about how to let your safely play in the Scrublands, it almost seems to suggest these helicopters are carrying off children as birds of prey carry off small animals. In a segment where the other helicopters mentioned are those of the World Government and the Sherriff’s Secret Police, what makes these helicopters so much more dangerous?

This segment goes on to reference the Sherriff’s Secret Police leaving a carnation on your doorstep to let you know the danger has passed. Knowing flowers tend to always have some symbolic meaning I went combing through resources to try to find carnation symbolism, and while it does broadly vary by color (as many flowers do) I found one page referencing the carnation as “the flower of god”. I don’t know if this means anything or is even related, but I went on a quest and found… something.

The airline disappearance can be likened to reports of the Bermuda triangle, which, in addition to other findings of Carlos’ team of scientists, serves to emphasize the… unusualness of Night Vale. Cecil attributes the plane re-manifesting within a school gym to rival team the Desert Bluffs Cacti. Likely it isn’t their doing. You’ll begin to notice Cecil’s own prejudices in later episodes, but this is notably the first mention of the neighboring town of Desert Bluffs.

“The Indian Tracker” and Cecil’s repeated condemnation of him is… interesting. The Tracker isn’t an antagonistic character precisely, but he is without a doubt a culturally insensitive one. A commentary on the repeated cultural appropriation that has been inflicted upon Native Americans. A Slavic man wearing a headdress that looks tot have come from a Halloween costume, claiming to be able to read tracks on pavement. His appearance here is limited, so I’ll get back to him more in a future analysis.

The blinking lights above the Arby’s represent Cecil and Carlos’ relationship, and will come up again many times in regards to them. Here Cecil claims to understand what the lights are, but claims them to be a threat, similar to his questioning of Carlos’ arrival in Night Vale. Similar to his comment “we have all been scientists at one point in our lives.”

Ghost cars are a popular urban legend. Speeding from parts unknown to parts unknown. Usually when ghost cars are brought up in urban legend the story states that someone died in a car accident, which has happened on just about every major U.S. road, and now haunts that particular road. Is the implication that Night Vale is very haunted, or something else?

The tiered heavens and the hierarchy of angels, which should not be known, relate back to how we perceive old woman Josie. In previous segments about her all we have is her word, that there are angels, that they helped her change a lightbulb, that they took her salt for a divine mission, but now we have an official source saying not only are there angels, but that you shouldn’t openly acknowledge that there are angels. That the tiered heavens and the hierarchy of angels are privileged knowledge. I could, perhaps, draw a link between this and the old days of Christianity, when most of the population was illiterate and church services were held predominantly in Latin. When the contents of the Bible really were privileged information.

Cecil comments the best way to die would be swallowed by a giant snake. He claims this would give life perfect symmetry. Its worth noting that this sort of acceptance of death is a thematic element of Cecil’s character that carries on for a long time.

Overarching Plot

The overarching plot of this episode is about Carlos and his scientists investigating the strange happenings of Night Vale, discovering things like an earthquake no one can feel or the sun setting at the wrong time, or a house that doesn’t exist place precisely between two identical houses.

The sun setting at the wrong time and the earthquake (or lack thereof) serve to somewhat separate Night Vale from the natural order of things. To say that the sun sets at the same time of day everywhere else, perhaps, but this town exists separate from those natural cycles.

There’s an implication that Cecil’s entire office is host to some kind of dangerous “materials”, presumably radioactive, but nothing can truly be presumed about Night Vale. This is where we begin to ask questions about what precisely Cecil is (unless you are satisfied with the answer “radio host” these questions will go unanswered). Carlos’ device gives off the highest reading specifically near the microphone, is Cecil somehow the cause? Who is Cecil as a character, rather than Cecil as a narrator?

 “Look to the north, keep looking, there’s nothing coming from the south” is the first proverb of wtnv, it relates heavily to the prominent themes of misdirection we can already see within the show after just the first episode. Night Vale has a habit of presenting us with something that feels normal and familiar: a waterfront and recreation area, and then introducing something anomalous about it: Night Vale has no waterfront. It’s a hallmark of Night Vale’s particular narrative style, and I think the first proverb illustrates this quite well. “Look to the North.” But what do we see there? Nothing. It’s what we don’t see, coming from the south.

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #shiitake rambles about wtnv #this aint my best work but like i said this aint an academic paper #its a tired college student utterly refusing to bullshit their way through it #feel free to try to answer my semi-rhetorical questions

[lampmanliveblogs]

Amity’s hair is abomination colored. W-which I knew too, I realized it the moment I saw it! I just never commented on it because, uh… Look! Character growth!

So Amity finally got around to telling her dad she doesn’t want to join the Emperor’s Coven. It’s unclear, but I don’t think she told him that she doesn’t want to join ANY coven… which is probably a good idea. We gotta ease into things, it’s a little early to say ”Hey dad, when grow up, I want to become a criminal and overthrow the government.”

It’s a start.

Which is the thing to take away from this scene. We don’t get a conclusion, we get a start. A beginning of things getting better…hopefully.

Like I said before, Alador has not been the most involved with his family, far too busy focusing on his work. Which leaves Odalia, who tries to exert an unhealthy level of control over her kids (well, Ed & Em seem like they do what they want, so maybe it’s mostly Amity). She even tires to control the color of her daughter’s hair.

(side note about Amity’s hair: her natural hair color is brown, like her dad. and now she’s colored her hair purplish-pink like abomination goop. signifying that despite him being very absent, she is still closer to her dad in some ways?)

Amity’s words about Alador not talking to them anymore indicates that things weren’t always like this. That it was at some point over the years that he became busier and more obsessed with his work. Odalia might’ve had something to do with it; we know she is very ambitious and obsessed with status. But of course… the price we pay to be classed as elite is that we become like the others.

Still, Alador is an adult and a parent, he has responsibilities toward his family. Not just to provide for his children, but also to nurture them. He seems to realize some of the errors of his ways and promises to do better. Or at least try to make things better. It’s late and maybe too little… but it’s a start.

I talked about this place before and what it might mean to revisit it in this episode. And most of it didn’t go anywhere I think. But I want to bring up something

I mentioned the changing seasons before, that it was fall. I wrote something that I then erased and rewrote because it felt a little too grim. I don’t remember the exact thing I wrote, but it was something like ”Fall brings to mind death or dying.”

Which… yeah. Considering the reveal thirty seconds later… I kinda wish I went with that.

This is beautiful.

It’s not the same thing and Luz is right in that it won’t ever reach the Human Realm. But it eases her mind.

(i guess there’s also the imagery of sending something into the sky and the idea of heaven and all that)

I’m pretty sure that this is the first time Amity has ever drawn a glyph. We saw her use one of Luz’ invisibility spells earlier (correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that was the first time she ever used a glyph?), but this is the first time she’s drawn one. And… it looked about as good as any of the glyphs I could draw (again, just wait until you see my new conspiracy corner).

My snake daughter!

Vee is hanging out in her regular form I see. Now, I do know she gets another human form at some point, I’ve been spoiled on that much. Which makes sense, I figure it might be a little awkward for her and Camila both if she went back to looking like Luz.

More importantly though, Camila places a flower in a vase. It looks like the same kind of flower that Luz made, but white instead of pink. And that vase looks a lot like the abomination balloon Amity made. Cool detail, showing the connection between them.

There might be some symbolism with that flower, but I don’t know anything about flowers. I know I’m from Sweden, but we can’t all be Carl von Linné.

And so comes to and end episode fourteen, with Luz & Camila both looking up at the night sky, thinking of what they have lost.

Except the sky in the Demon Realm looks prettier because there is less light pollution.

As per usual, I did my rewatch of the episode and here are some things I either missed or didn’t talk about my first time through:

•Luz actually names the new glyph combo she learned in this episode The Safety Hover… and I somehow didn’t hear it and has been calling it Fall Break instead. Whoops. •Luz asks Hunter if he’s good now. I initially misinterpreted it as meaning ”are you okay/unharmed now?” But no, she was asking if he was a good person now, which is one hundred times funnier. •The book on abomination creation Alador is holding in the first scene between him and Amity is written by Darius, and if you look on the back, it looks like it might be a signed copy. I’m going to headcanon that it’s like an introductory-level book Darius wrote for students that he sent signed to Alador. I mean, why else would Alador have it? •I pointed out that the announcer at the Bonesbororugh Brawl was the leader of the demon hunters who first appeared in Hooty’s Moving Hassle and I pointed out that one of the security guards at the event was the wild witch being arrested in Eda’s Requiem. But the demon standing next to her also made an appearance in Hooty’s Moving Hassle. He was the one tasked with pushing the kids off the cliff. Something he apparently always dreamed of doing. So not really the guy who should be doing security at big events. •Actually, I went back and checked, and the purple-haired wild witch is part of the demon hunters in that episode. •Eda has much better control over her harpy transformation, implying she has either been training or eating a lot more voles since Eclipse Lake. •I really like the music during the tournament/ingredient collection montage. •I obviously didn’t bring it up in the moment, because I was trying to keep things somber, but I am ever so slightly amused by the text in Luz’ event reminder. At: Gravesfield Graveyard. Gravesfield Graveyard. Those words mean basically the same thing. •We also got to see half of Luz’ dad’s face. •I also love the acting in that scene, I don’t give the VA:s the credit they deserve, Sarah-Nicole Robles who plays Luz did an excellent job in that scene. She always does a great job, but this was extra great. The animation was great too, for that matter. •I don’t think I pointed out Alador’s proud smile when he and Amity do their combo attack to restrain War Wrath. •I don’t think I’ve noticed before that Eda grows quite a bit in height when she’s transformed into her harpy form, I only noticed when she transformed back while standing next to Alador. •We got a look at a calendar in the Human Realm. Based on the markings, the anniversary of Camila’s husband’s death is on the 22nd of August. And according to that thing I bought years ago and literally never used until today, the 22nd of August 2020 is a Saturday. Except the day marked is clearly a Tuesday. This means the series can’t take place in 2020, which is what I’ve been thinking. This means that the series actually takes place in 2017, 2023, 2034, 2045, 2048, or 2051. This revelation means some of the dates on my conspiracy corner are wrong.

There is another brief moment I want to acknowledge, mostly because someone pointed it out in the comments. When threatening Wrath, she referred to Luz as her student/child. The reason I didn’t bring it up was because it was pretty much stated in Eda’s Requiem that Eda thinks of Lus* as her child. So hearing Eda say it wasn’t so surprising. The one thing that is kinda notable is that she said it not just in front of Wrath, but also in front of King. And King is not exactly known for keeping his mouth shut. This makes me wonder… if it might be brought up to Luz some time soon that Eda feels that way about her, cause I don’t think she quite realize it yet.

(*did I seriously misspell Luz as Lus? Who am I, the swedish dub?)

(yeah, the swedish dub pronounces Luz as Lus. Which means louse)

Anyways, this was a great episode. The big stand-out moment was of course… that scene. Where Luz told Amity about her dad. Just everything about it was perfect. I loved it and also hated it because it made me feel sad.

We got to see Amity’s dad get involved, and not just in the plot of an episode, but in his daughter’s life. In a positive way too, at least in the end.

As for Luz… while she did eventually open up about the stuff with her dad and why she was so distracted… the underlying issue of her avoiding and not talking about the things that trouble her with the people that love her and want to help wasn’t really addressed. I think this is something that we’ll see a return to in a future episode.

That’s about what I have to say for now. Stay tuned for a little while longer though, because I have some more things I want to show you. As for when I’ll get to the next episode… I’m not sure. I’m going to be working for a few days in a row and I have other stuff to do as well (can you guys believe it’s almost Christmas?? I’m not ready!).

With that said… I’m The Lampman, and until next time, take care of the planet Earth and remember that anything can happen in space!

<--Previous Episode: Any Sport in a Storm

Masterlist

Next Episode: Them's the Breaks, Kid

#the owl house #liveblog #the owl house liveblog #toh s2e14 #reaching out

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3201

today was a good day.

yeah, joel was the only one to be there at graduation with me, but it was kind of better that way. we didn't have to deal with more opinions than strictly necessary and joel helps me keep my wits about me.

i got there relatively on time, but i only wound up being a third of the way back in the auditorium. i also made friends with my seat buddy, so that was nice too!

the ceremony was so long. it was supposed to start at 10 and end at noon, but we didn't get in there until 10:30 and it ended a little after 1pm. like holy shit.

but it was cool. i also got some nice pictures, including probably my favorite selfies that i've ever taken, and it was generally a good time. i was comfy and not too hot at all - the arena where we were sitting is an ice rink so they need to keep the temperature relatively low to keep it from melting and also there's the ice beneath that's still frozen anyway. so it was nice in there.

after taking some pictures, joel and i went to lunch at the tavern where we went to dinner when james's mom was in town. we got a pretzel that was exceptional and i got that sandwich that was to die for.

after lunch we stopped over at the little bakery across the street and we got a few things, which are waiting at joel's for my return tomorrow.

eventually we headed out, and even though there was a lot of traffic, we still made it out of the city and got him to his game night on time, and i wasn't too late for dinner with my family. it's a good thing i'm always fucking hungry, because it had only been a few hours since joel and i had lunch that we had dinner. we went to the classy place in town as a family, minus my mom who's sick and plus kat because she's the best, and it was really nice. my aunt gave me a glass ball that's twice the diameter of a baseball that's hand-blown and has a tree inside it - it's the tree of wishes, so i was happy to read the symbolism and have the card so i can have a place to hold my wishes and positive thoughts, kind of like an arcane focus in d&d. papa got me flowers and balloons and momma got me a tshirt that has a graduation cap on it and says "you may call me master" which is objectively hilarious, and my gramma gave me a very sweet card that i was able to read and a check. i mentioned to myself on my way home after dropping off kat that i was happy to get some money that i didn't have to work for. i corrected myself: "that i didn't have to go to work for."

a few things of note:

i was standing for like three hours this morning and was so happy i picked my flats

my seat buddy and i bonded over being wicked hungry

since i knew none of my people were in the auditorium, i found the recording camera and waved directly into it which made for some cute photos

i used my shrek-colored anti-redness mask and it fucking WORKED, ALL DAY

near the end of the ceremony the camera focused on a girl who was staring at her phone with no expression instead of paying attention, and it caught her looking up, seeing herself on the screen, and then saying "oh fuck" before covering her face 😂😂😂

people in boston are super friendly

there's a section of track in the middle of the city that's free to take

i had a lot of people wish me congratulations, even though i knew none of them and they were strangers on the street, and it was really sweet and heartwarming

my family adores kat

and last but not least,

i'm so happy i was able to bring joel with me

he made it all better. i know people got they own shit, but if no one else got me, i know he does.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3200s #sunshine boy

[abbatoirablaze]

Bad Girl's Club, Chapter 17

Word Count:  1.7k

Warnings:  guilt, angst, age gap, taboo relationship, mentions of male nudity.

“Dad…I’m scared…”

Nick frowned, his heart breaking as he heard the meek words from his daughter’s lips.  His thumb stroked over the back of her hand, “it’ll be okay, baby…you’ll be alright, I promise…”

“I jus-“

“I’m sorry!” he said quickly.  Jenna stopped speaking, her brow furrowing in confusion as she looked at her father.

“What?”

“I’m sorry…for how I’ve been acting the past few days,” he admitted tearfully.  Jenna watched her father, his resolve finally cracking around him, “I-I’ve been…”

“An ass.”

He nodded, stroking her hand a little bit more, “I was so afraid, Jenna…I-I thought we were going to lose you.  I mean, you’re barely out of the woods as it is but we need to take care of…I thought-“

“We don’t have to talk about it, dad.”

“We do…” he nodded, correcting her, “I have to talk about it….”

“Okay…”

She felt her own eyes watering as her father began again, “ever since you were little…I knew something was different about you.  I knew that even when you were Darren…you weren’t really…”

“Darren…”

He nodded and she felt the tears welling up in her eyes.  While she knew that her father tried to be loving and understanding, something like her transition had been hard for both of her parents to accept, “I’m sorry…I know you don’t like talking about that…I-I tried to be supportive…with everything…I really tried, Jenna.  I ju-“

“You’ve been there for me dad…in ways that mom never was…”

“But I never tried to think too much about it,” he admitted with a shrug, “I just kind of sectioned it off in my mind and told myself that one day…it’d be over.  Jenna just wouldn’t exist, and I’d have my son…I’d have Darren.”

Jenna frowned.  She hadn’t expected her father to go on some diatribe about how he wished that she was still Darren, “Dad…”

“Please…just let me finish, Jenna…”

She sighed, nodding her head as she patted his hand, “okay dad..g-go ahead.”

“When the whole thing with Lance happened…I just thought he must be looking at you like you were a novelty…some new flavor he could try and then discard.  I knew he’s always varied in his partners, but you were in a sense, the best of both worlds.  You were his unicorn,” he tried to explain.  Jenna only frowned even harder, “and when you were attacked…I-it was almost like a symbolic statement…those boys that assaulted you…they attacked you.   I didn’t see Darren…I saw you.  I saw my baby girl being hurt by men in the world.  And it made me see things…”

“Dad…I-I’m fine…I’m alive…”

“What I’m saying is that all of that made me realize how bad of a father I have been.  I was subconsciously rejecting the real you…I was pretending to be so much better than your mother when I really wasn’t,” he admitted, “I held things over your head because I wanted you to be a version of yourself that I could stomach.  But I was in the wrong…you almost dying made me see all of that Jenna…and I-I’m so sorry.”

  “Dad…you’re not a bad father.”

“I was,” he admitted carefully, “but I don’t want to be one…I want you to be happy Jenna…no matter how I feel about a situation…”

“Dad…what are you saying?”

Nick turned and looked back to the door.  Lance stood nervously at its entrance, anxiety clearly written on his face and flowers in his hands, “hey…”

“Lance…”

“Lance told me how you want to ask him out when you turn eighteen…”he sighed.  Jenna looked to the man she’d had a crush on, and Nick’s hand fell on her thigh, “I can’t say I’m happy about it…but I don’t want to stand in your way, Jenna…I don’t want to push away the real you any longer.”

“I won’t ever do anything to hurt her, Nick.”

“I’m going to give you two a few moments before the doctor comes in…”

“Dad, are you su-“

“I want you to be happy, Jenna,” Nick answered softly, “and I know that this is the start of that.  Lance…you better take care of our girl…”

“I will, Nick…”

“YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HER!”

“Sam, I-“

“You can’t just go get drunk on social media and tell her you’re in love with her then disappear on her.  I mean jesus h. christ, Johnny.  You pretty much told the whole world you love her then ghosted her.”

“Sam, I got put in rehab because of it.  I’m not an alcoholic, but that’s what the PR team told me to do,” he groaned, “the press is looking at me like I’m some unstable weirdo.”

‘It’s outpatient…”

“Sue knows it was about your friend, Avery…she called me a pedophile, Sam,” Johnny said angrily as he looked at his youngest sister, “she said that I was grooming your little friends to be my groupies.”

“That’s not true!”

“I know that.  And you know that, but the rest of the world wouldn’t see it that way, Sam,” Johnny replied.  Sam frowned, seeing the steam rising from her brother; holes starting to develop in his shirt with the angrier he got, “all they would see is the fact that I’m a man in his mid-thirties and I just drunkenly confessed to being in love with a seventeen-year-old, before streaking.  They’d see an unstable, pedophiliac alcoholic.”

“Do you even care about her at all?”

“Of course I do, Sam.  Avery drives me fucking crazy,” he admitted, “she makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, but I can’t do anything.  I need to just listen to the PR team for once before this turns into a mess that gets way out of hand.”

“But Johnny-“

“Sam…this is the best decision.”

“Whatever,” she growled, pushing away from him, “it’s bad enough you ignore her in school, but you’ve completely blown her off and ghosted her all together.  She told me you don’t even respond to her messages anymore.”

“Sam it’s not that simpl-“

“Yes, it is, Johnny,” she seethed, “you just don’t have the balls to deal with it once its all out there on the table.”

“I know you must hate me, but you have to let me explain.”

Avery crossed her arms and sniffled as she pushed herself away from the door to her balcony, “why?  Why now, Johnny?  You’ve been ignoring me for weeks.”

“I had to,” he said quickly, rushing up to the younger woman.  His hands gripped her shoulders firmly, “Avery, trust me…I shouldn’t even be here now.  I mean, you’re still seventeen and-“

Avery’s rage had quickly dissipated when Johnny grabbed her, and her attention shifted. When he’d landed on her balcony he was standing behind her balcony chairs, but now that he was in front of her, she saw everything.

“Oh my god, Johnny!” she gasped softly, her gaze faltering when she looked further down his bare expanse of chest. 

“I know,” he said with a chuckle, lost in his own world, “see…I knew you would get it.  Sam just yelled at me because she thought I didn’t care…but I do…by coming to see you I put you at risk…paparazzi…the groupies who would get jealous of you because you’re not them…I-“

But Johnny stopped speaking when he realized Avery’s attention wasn’t on him…or rather his eyes.  His own eyes looked down and he remembered that he’d used his powers without having his suit on beneath himself. 

He was bearing himself to her in every sense of the word. 

“Uhm,” he mumbled, releasing Avery.  His hands went down to his crotch, and he cupped himself nervously, “I-I didn’t think this through.”

“Clearly,” she gasped, the image of his member still burned into her brain.  She swallowed, and shifted around on the balcony for a moment, her eyes now averting his entire figure, “y-you want to come in so that you-“

“You’re not eighteen…” he reminded her, “not for a few more days...and your dad’s car isn’t out front…it wouldn’t look good if-“

“How good does it look that you’re naked on a seventeen-year old’s balcony?”

Johnny bit his lip, “Can-can you grab me some of your dad’s clothes? I-I’ll leave right after.  I-“

“You don’t have to leave, Johnny.”

“Avery…you’re making it really hard to be responsible…”

She bit her lip, her eyes flickering to his crotch once more, “clearly I’m not.”

“A-Avery…”

“If I give you some of my dad’s clothes, will you come in and talk to me instead of ignoring me?” she asked, holding out her hand to him.  He looked like he wanted to argue with her, but she gave him a pleading look, “please, Johnny?”

He sighed, one of his hands leaving his nether regions to take her own as he allowed her to lead him into the house, “five minutes though…that’s it…I can’t risk the paparazzi finding you.”

‘Johnny Storm’s secret girlfriend is a minor:  Superhero or pedophile?’

‘Human Torch grooming mysterious underage girl’

Sue slammed a dozen different magazines and newspapers down on the table between her two siblings as they shared their breakfast before heading off to the school. 

Johnny’s heart stopped as each of them seemed to have some catchy headline title about him going to town on some mystery underage girl.  All of them had the same picture of Johnny in his birthday suit being led into Avery’s house; her holding onto his hand. 

“WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS, JOHNNY?” Sue all but yelled at her younger brother before looking to Sam, “Did you put him up to this?  Did you put this in his head that it was some sort of good idea?”

“I didn’t sleep with her!” Johnny said quickly, “Avery-“

“IS A MINOR JOHNNY!” Sue reminded him, “YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF TO A MINOR.  AND THAT PICTURE IS PLASTERED ACROSS EVERY MEDIA OUTLET!  THEY ARE HAVING A FIELD DAY JOHNNY!  YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY FIRES THE PR TEAM HAS HAD TO PUT OUT!”

“Sue, he-“

“No,” she said quickly, cutting her younger sister off, “you’ve done enough damage by throwing your little friend at him and encouraging this.  This could ruin Johnny’s career.  But that’s not even the worst part.  The police could come after him if this girl’s father wants to press charges.  Sam, this is-“

“He won’t press charges because I’m dating him!”

Sue stopped on a dime, a look of disbelief across her features, “I’m sorry…you’re what?”

“Avery’s dad…I’m seeing him…”

“Did you know about this?” Sue asked Johnny.

“I-Sue-it’s hard to explain.”

“You two…you’re missing school today…you’re coming with me to the facility…and we’re sorting this all out…” she said firmly, “we’re going to get ahead of this before it destroys you both.”

Chapter 18

#bad girls club #johnny storm #human torch #the human torch #the fantastic four #fantastic 4 #fantastic four #marvel #marvel au #nick fowler #the 355 #lance tucker #soft lance tucker #the bronze