#EVERYBODY PERCIEVE RIGHT NOW

[peachjagiya]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachjagiya/747459325571809280/ngl-im-cringing-at-tkkers-who-are-now-saying-the

“We’ll always have “Jk always sings this song for me”

This is how you know the bar is in hell. Also wait till you find out that just like so many other things, that is one additional thing y’all have taken out of context and made your entire personality which will most likely end up being debunked AGAIN and u end up looking like clowns AGAIN!!

The fact that your rose colored lenses does not allow you to see any interaction Jk has with Tae as normal, is quite concerning and i can bet my last dollar that if it was Jimin or any other member who said “Jk always sings this song for me” tkkrs would have said it doesn’t matter cuz he probably does that for everybody or come up with with theories about how he secretly does it for Tae because u know, their relationship isn’t for the camera.

I also found if funny when anon said “members and Tae tae” cuz what exactly gives you this idea? So two bandmates cannot even go the washroom together anymore without shippers theorizing the shit out of it? you guys really need to start paying better attention to other pairings outside of your ship because you celebrate things that are completely normal between all the boys. Trying to make more out of tae and Jk being in the washroom together like we all didn’t see Tae pout because Jimin refused to let him go to the washroom with him. Seeing as he clearly probably likes going to the washroom together with other people what makes Jk and tae going to the washroom together special other than the fact that ur rose colored lenses shows u that? If tae had followed jimin to the washroom, would u have percieved it the same way u percieve taekook going to the washroom together?

Sometimes some shippers act like they don’t have real life interactions with real people. How many times do you see friends in clubs or restaurants or other public places choose to go to the restroom together? This is the same thing taekookers did years ago when taekook went to the washroom together at an award show and when they got back, y’all started claiming they had hickeys on their necks.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not me trying to tell you what u should and what u shouldn’t believe but some of your theories or the things you scream and make big deals out of are just the boys being friends with each other and not this big show or proof of how “real” they are.

Even now you pple are still making a big deal of the fact that Jk only posted a picture with tae which according to some of you means to Jk’ it is “members and tae tae” but the real question u should be asking yourself is, is Tae the only member Jk ever posted a pic with? On Jk’s weverse he only has a single pic with Jimin and no one else. Wouldn’t it be fair for ur cousins jikookers to also brag about this? Plus that pic is still up and not deleted like the taekook pic. So if it is fair for you to see it as special that Jk only posted with tae and that means “members and tae tae” isn’t it also fair for jkkrs to say “members and Jimin”? What is the difference? Infact if we have to go by some of the little things y’all hold sacred wouldn’t it actually hold more weight on your cousin’s side because Jk’s pic with Jimin is actually still up and is on an app that he actually loves using and hasn’t deleted like instagram, plus he did it with Jimin first? You see how when you look into all the nitty gritty details and pick apart things and choose what is special or not, u still come out “losing”?

Taekookers are fighting about a pic which literally doesn’t exist on Jk’s social media anymore and are swearing that it is special (which it is, but not in the way you think it is) and you expect your rival shippers not to bring up the fact that till this day Jk’s selfie with Jimin is still up and he didn’t delete it like he did the taekook pic and even deleted the app after? You see how dumb this is in real life right?

At the end of the day, this is a battle y’all cannot really win because of the simple fact that, you cannot really name anything which is exclusive to taekook (other than your perception and interpretation of their body language and things they do or say to or about each other). There is really nothing that you can say Jk has done for tae which could point to tae being more special to him that he hasn’t done for another member at some point in time, it’s just that shippers think anything their pair do together is “ more” and what they do with others is “normal” or just them being friends.

To any person without tunnel vision, or without shipping lenses, Jk does for Tae what he does for the others unless you can prove me wrong and tell me just one thing (that we know of) that Jk has ever done for Tae which he hasn’t done for anyone else, and this isn’t me asking for u to give me an analysis of ur interpretation of their body language because that is not factual but more or less an opinion.

Let me give u a for instance.

Jk has only ever made a single GCF for or with Jimin =FACTS

Hobi likes Jimin the most = Opinion

Tae and Jk hung out in chapter two = FACTS

Tae and Jk are the closest= Opinion.

The facts are things that actually happened which we all saw or witnessed.

The opinions are how we view and interpret their bond based on what we see or the information we are given which could be true or not, hence not factual.

So if u really think that Jk only posting Tae was “special” and meant more or could point to the possibility of them being together, then wouldn’t that mean there is also a possibility of there being “more” between Jk and any other member he has only posted with at some point in time?

This is so many words. I hope you got what you needed from sending this ask. 💜

#my asks

[coldresolve]

i think what puts me off from engaging more visibly with other creators on here is that im very much an authenticity kinda guy right. like if i have an inkling you're playing something up for effects for no reason other than to draw a certain reaction, that shit flips a switch in my head, i instantly get bored. its like seeing through the smoke and mirrors, the jig is up, your whole song and dance is just hollow now. you expect people to respond to your hand puppet, and you get weirded out when i try engaging with you directly. so you keep shoving the hand puppet in my face, because that works for everybody else. but im not everybody else. im not interested in your stupid fucking hand puppet. im trying to talk to you

and i get that i'm a zoid and that my tolerance for playing pretend is far far below average, and i get that phatic gestures and posturing are a natural part of social interaction, and me percieving everybody elses behavior as inorganic and strange is more indicative of me being neurodivergent than it is of you being a faker, but still. am i wrong tho, is the question. am i really wrong

#other #this was gonna be a post on warm but ehh im having thougths i genuinely want ppl to see #not nice thoughts. to be fair #but necessary imo. or at the very least somewhat interesting? if youre willing to sit down and engage w them for real #the whole where do we draw the line between authenticity and hand puppetry. might there be something off about where the line currently is #whatever

[aspens-lab-moved]

😔: Which Pokémon do you think is misunderstood by authors?

god okay so. there are a LOT of pokemon that i think are misunderstood by authors like umbreon, houndoom, lycanroc, just pokemon that are stereotyped as malicious, but i think like honestly type: null. and maybe its because i have hades and i love it so much and this isnt honestly that good of an answer tbh but like. okay so in the past couple years, ESPECIALLY the past 7-8 years, (specificially after the incident at aether) type: null has become an increasingly prevalent figure within science fiction, and yes this makes sense! type:null are a product of genetic engineering and were intended to be similar to arceus, so like sure go ahead put type: null in your stories, that isn't my problem! but like honestly it seriously says something that almost every type: null existing in popular media is either a. a ravenous beast that cannot be controlled and has to constantly be held back or else it'll hurt somebody or b. some sort of unfeeling unthinking shell of a pokemon. and i get it. it was created to kill ultra beasts. it was filed under project: beast killer. and like ill be real, with these new type: null that've been popping up because the documents were fucking leaked (the macro cosmos one comes to mind) it can seem that way but YOU NEED TO REMEMBER. THERE IS NO DOCUMENTATION OF A TYPE: NULL THAT WAS CREATED AND RAISED IN A HEALTHY SITUATION. and like my issue isnt that type: null aren't being treated like cuddly babies that love everybody because that's not what they are and what we have right now is better than that. but sometimes it genuinely feels like authors don't realize that a type: null has to be extremely happy with it's living situation to evolve. like so many of the issues with the way type: null and silvally are percieved within fiction boil down to the author of the work not having read a single paper on type: null or silvally.

#pokeblogging #pkmn irl #pokeblr #aspen replies

[bpd-bottle]

vent //

i genuinely like actually hate myself right now!! i do everything wrong and i mess up people's lives. like for instance i dont get what people mean when they subtly tell me to do something and i like making people mad and driving them away from me and blaming it on them!!! sometimes it just makes me worry because one day ill mess up my whole life with that sht. i cant do anything without messing it all up. life is getting and hard and im barely able to do anything now. my chest gets heavy at times and i just cant breathe and like a wave of depression comes over me and then im smelling smoke and it just it really scared me like im crazy or something. i dont want to be crazy anymore. i want to be normal. i feel like im just alive so i can hog attention for fucks sake. so many people hate me and i act like theyre not even there. it hurts when i want them to know me too. because like i admire them so much and i cant help but want to talk to thembut everybody and their mom knows damn fucking well they want me dead. it really hurts though. because i just want to be okay to talk to them. its hard being like this. because i want to be able to make them so so happy but i cant do that without runing myself in the process and i promised i wouldnt do that for a simple person. but since them ive began cutting and smoking and just ruining my life for them. ive even pretended to delete twitter so that they could be okay, be happy without me. I would delete my life if they told me to. its not love nor is it lust, its just admiration, i need them to like me. i need her to percieve me. tlel me whats wrong with me, ill try my fucking hardest to fix it. i just miss being able to talk to her so normally. and now i find out she just doesnt fucing care. thats okay because i do and ill make sure she never has to care !!! she can stand there upset and ill remove my life for her. i just want to make sure i never upset her because thats not the point of mydumb life. i want her to be happy but im crying so hard i really dont want to leave her i want to know what shes doing at all tmes i need to knwo if shes okay i want to know if she still cares about me i dotn wanna do anything but care for her. but i know im just ruingin her life and making her upset but its just i need er in my life its hard without her i cant live like this. its hard leaving it alone because she just feels so close to me . shes so close but shes so fucking far i cant handle it. i have to have tabs on her but she hates me. she hates me so i try my god damn hardest not to be in her life. yeah, ill say hey a few times on other accoutns, but i will genuinely die if i cant tell her something at least once every few months.

#bpd tag #bpd things #bpd life #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #favorite person #actually borderline #bpd vent #actually bpd #phantosmia

[4uru]

My experience with pronouns.

English is not my first language. Its bangla. Funfact: in bangla there are gendered nouns. But not pronouns.

Pronouns in bangla is classified in three types

Respectful: elders and respects ppl of society/ history

Formal: friends and peers of same age and youngers

Informal: you use informal pronouns with ppl you are insulting in a road rage, your friends and younger siblings too. Hence, informal. Basically you choose who u want to use this with. (Its weird wjen i try to explain it)

So I did not have any problems with pronouns until i was older and had to engage with english more, before that, i wasn't worried about my gender or the way i was percieved. Ofc everybody thought i was a girl, i looked like a girl. But i wasnt reminded of it until english pronouns came into the picture.

And i had to sit down and grapple with the fact that i didnt like she/her. I told my friends i want to go by he/him and i told them to call me aurun (masc vers of my name and an old nickname from my aunt). But it still felt wrong. Someone else except my aunt calling me aurun felt weird but i felt like i had to be more masc. Bc i was i identifying with transmasc identity. But it just felt wrong. So i told my friends to stop calling me aurun and go back to auru. They were okay with that too. At this point i didnt identify with masc or femm. Nothing fit me.

I was a weird blend of both and evethough i knew i was non binary and allowed to be androgynous. The androgynous fashion and identity seems so western to me. It didnt fit me. It wasnt made for a person like me. I stuggled with feeling like i had to overcompensate with masculinity to prove my worth as a transmasc person or else im faking it.

Now im at a point in my life that i know i am agender. And i recognize that i assign more with feminity as an expression, and i feel more transmasc/androgynous in my rawest form. I treat feminity as a culture(?) to be celebrated and which deserves to be seen in all its beauty. I wear the sarees and put on the kajal as an expression of LOOK HOW PRETTY THIS IS. i feel more beautiful in feminine clothes and i feel more comfortable in masculine ones. Neither invalidates my indentity as an agender person.

The only queer culture that i witnessed for years was western and i knew i didnt fit into that narrative either. I cant wear fashion like those outside (im not rich enough to not care about creepy uncles oogling me in the streets) i dont want to fit into western culture's idea of androgyny and gender presentation. And i cant either. I wasnt brought up with the reminder of my gender in every sentence they spoke of me. My pronouns didnt matter. And it does not either right now.

Thats why i have no pronouns in my bio. I will never be comfortable with she/he/they. Those will never apply to me, thats not my language, thats not what i was born as. Other ppl who dont speak my language can never use the pronouns i grew up with. So just use my name. At least thats in your area. Thats why i say (no pronouns only auru). Bc im just that. Just auru. I present transmasc on the internet bc its closest to what i am.

#trans rant #desi tumblr #desi trans rant #auru vents

[holycafe]

Hiya! 💙

For the fanfic author ask meme: ❤️‍🔥🔬🎨

Bye 💙

Hey! Thanks for the ask <3

❤️‍🔥 Favorite ship you have written about?

Coldflash, of course! It is my home ship

🔬The fic you had to make the most research for?

Hmmm, probably Trick or Treat.

I did a lot of research while writing that to try and figure out how young children percieve death and grieve. I wanted to do my best to portray Len's daughter accurately while still carrying the story forward in the way it needed to go. I'm still pretty happy with how it turned out.

🎨 Show us a sneak peek from a WIP!

Well, if you insist... here's a little snippet from a Rogue Barry WIP i've been messing around with:

A man was sitting at the bar; tall, slender, beautiful. Len didn’t give him much more than a passing glance at first. Maybe he would have done one month earlier, but not now. He had to keep his mind focused. He was in Central for one reason, and one reason only: the Kahndaq Dynasty Diamond. The job was only a few days away, and he couldn’t afford any distractions.

So, he ignored the beautiful young stranger in favour of watching the game with a beer in his hand and a plate of fries in front of him.

That was a mistake.

One second, everything was normal. Central was losing against Gotham again – no surprise there; Gothamites were as crooked as they come – and the bar was booing a particularly nasty foul. But then the air began to shift. Len couldn’t say how exactly, but he knew something was on its way.

A moment later, it happened.

Lightning and wind spilled out into the room.

Energy zipped against his skin, zapped against the hairs on his arms, caught the breath in his throat.

Len pulled out his gun, more on instinct than anything else, but the firearm was ripped from his fingers before he had even flicked the safety off. He was a quick draw; no one had ever beaten him to the punch before. Except now something had because his gun was gone. And so was his wallet, watch, ring, and the remainder of his dinner.

And then everything settled.

Len took a headcount of the room; everyone was still there. Everyone except the pretty little brunet at the bar.

An argument was beginning to break out now, confusion and fear bringing tensions up high. Gritting his teeth, Len moved towards the empty seat. One guy got in his way, but Len glared at him until he backed down. Which he did; no one troubled Leonard Snart in his own bar.

And yet he’d just been pickpocketed…

Len searched for anything that the mystery man had left behind. But all he found was a single untouched beer and a torn-up napkin.

Behind him, the arguments worsened, and a fight broke out. But Len wasn’t going to put up with that. He signalled his bartender – who had just been standing stock still and confused – forward. He told her to pass him the handgun hidden beneath the till, and she did.

“Everybody out!” Len shouted, clicking the safety off his gun. He didn’t expect to actually have to use it, though, and he didn’t. The patrons soon quietened, packed up, and skulked away. Once the last one was out, Len told his staff to clean up and close down early for the night. Len then picked up the abandoned beer bottle and shredded napkin that the mystery man had left behind, and went upstairs. Saints and Sinners didn’t have any visible cameras – it was kind of counterintuitive to record his patrons since almost everyone who drank here was a crook in their own right – but it did have a few covert devices. And Kahndaq Dynasty Diamond forgotten, Len had a new target now.

#coldflash #dc #barry allen #leonard snart

[antonballdeluxe]

The Burden of Being Seen Online

I talk about one of my fears that's plagued me recently again.

When you access the Websites section of the Neocities front page, it automatically sets the viewing mode to the most followed Neocities sites. This is less organic, but more useful in the long run for finding indie sites. The most visited sites on Neocities are a Neopets fansite, some WebGL demonstrations, and the lovely Bogleech. The most followed are the famous Fauux, a districts site that I question if it's alive, Sadgrl, and Dokodemo. I'm friends with at least one of these people, but this intro has gone on enough. For a while, I've been on the second page for the most followed sites. It's still a long journey of a scroll down to find me, but I'm there. Big achievement. Woohoo! Yippee! IT'S HAPPY HOUR!! I'm right there, and with that, comes traffic. And with that, comes being seen.

I've always had a habit of deleting my works once I've grown too large, because being seen has usually made me extremely uncomfortable of a judgement I couldn't see by people who didn't say anything to me, only watched. Being seen is judgement in itself, positive or negative. It shatters me to the core, and feels like eyes piercing my shell. In addition, as of writing this, I have 170-ish followers on my small Tumblr. I literally just reblog shitposts and make my own sillies there. Feels weird. Audience is weird.

But being seen also leads to my goal in life -- to have my works appreciated. I like when people see my art, my writing, the shit I smear on a digital canvas and call my own. Seeing me as a person is another thing. I am just a little guy on the web, and there are many much bigger guys there that could kill me instantly. But what I want to be seen for is not usually what I am actually seen for -- my low-effort, low-time, well-timed small jokes are usually the rocket-launchers. Not the stuff I pour my sweat into. I'm sure that happens to everyone in a high-paced traffic jam of a web, but it does leave me quite miffed by the sight of it.

All of my life, I have been socially isolated in the real world. On the web, it varies. I do not touch normie spaces anymore. I've learnt my lesson -- being seen there is a death sentence to someone who is not right in the head. I slip out of a slight line or say something that isn't on a thin thread, and there are swords pointed at me. I do not understand an ever-changing set of rules on the web or in normie spaces, so I merely stay on my own. Net nomad, some call it. Vagabond is a cooler word, though.

But while I am still a vagabond, this vagabondness is now popular, because everybody else is fed up with the normie web. We gather, create our own spaces, and visit them and leave pretty messages. I have been praised and seen plenty of times here, and I truly treasure it all.

But even that leaves me on edge, for being seen means being percieved, judged, and left to boil in the minds of many.

Being seen is suffering, but one I must persist in, let myself be wound by in order to succeed in what I do best -- create. I create by edge and by whim. I pick up paper and just go at it. Many are like this, most of them also mentally ill as I am, and both refrain from and wish to discuss here. A shy artist is a forgotten one, until perhaps after death, such as Van Gogh. Love that guy's Clone High appearance, by the way.

Hey, you're seeing this right now. Do you have any thoughts on my site? What I write, make?

#schizotypal #schizotypal personality disorder #internet #stpd #nephro.txt #nephro.pdf

[potuzzz]

******, ******** **

*******

A man, a friend, who i knew by osbvoren, is languishing or dead or worse, is certainly missing, and has been for at least a year or two.

To get down to brass tacks and dry, unsentimental math, an approximate 30-50 hours of labor on my clock, directly and indirectly (*), could--no, would--have been the critical difference.

...

Do not ever tell me, or another, or yourself, that "there's nothing you could have done."

"Its not your responsibility."

Do you not realize this is what all 500 bystanders say to themselves as they watch a man bleed out on the sidewalk in broad daylight?

Do you not realize this is exactly what everybody tells themselves when they see a classmate, coworker, or family member rotting away in real time, wilting like a flower, and choose again and again to do nothing, nothing, nothing?

And then everybody pats each other on the back at the funeral, in a daisy chain, assuring the person to their left, "this is NOT your fault."

Yes it is.

Yes it fucking is.

Sometimes, people need outside help. People need opportunities, they need listeners, they need guidance, they need 60$, they need a peer. Sometimes, love heals. Sometimes, it is not "toxic" to think that we are social creatures and that our alienation and destruction are not our individual responsibilities. Sometimes...now this is wild, this!...we are stronger as a group.

Sometimes, you alone have the power to radically alter someones course. Burying your head in the sand does not make this power go away. It does not absolve you. If you choose to do nothing and others suffer because of it, it is on your hands.

You hold the key to someone.

When the going gets tough, are you going to sit on your fucking phone and watch netflix or scroll content because someones suffering is inconveniencing your thursday night? Will you self-soothe with sugary, decade-old concocted tales about "self care" and "emotional labor" and "NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY" and "THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD HAVE DONE, THEY MADE THE CHOICE!!!" ?????

I let myself do this. I let fear of my girlfriend's reaction let me abandon a friend at his lowest. I let my best friends naysaying assure me i was making the right decision. I let fears of my personal property being stolen or destroyed or, god forbid, getting mixed up in unideal situations, seal the deal.

Was it worth it?

Was the preservation of my sacred laptop worth someones life? Was my relationship that failed anyways? Would i not have spent a night, a week, a month in jail or in a hospital if it had saved my friends life?

Theres a balancing act. Its okay to be responsible for death. Do i not eat meat at least twice a day? Do i not run over frogs and bugs and dogs with my car completely without intention? Does not my cheap banana come at the price of immense suffering to very real people just a few days drive away?

Would not i kill myself, if i took total responsibility for every face i laid eyes on? Are not people scraping at my door RIGHT NOW asking for my fists, for my bank account, for my car keys, for my attention, for difficult truths that require a lightning bolt to energize?

Are not there dozens more who do not possess the audacity, the recognition, to ask? You can tell when someone is hurting when they assure "im doing pretty good, actually." You can tell all these people all wilting. And they dont even percieve it. Or dont allow themselves to. Or dont want to be a burden. Or dont even know how to speak. Are their lives worth nothing?

Do i do nothing? Do i do everything? Do i pick and choose?

And THIS, my love, is just the prologue to why "mama" makes me cry like that. Ive already picked and choose which of my men were going out. Just like my dad did. Ive already had to force myself to make decisions at the direct expense of others. I watch netflix so i may relax and remain a reliable instrument for years to come. I am trying to maxmimize my function. I am trying to maximize the number of those who i can help make it out alive. Every second, every single second, another one drowns. And i alone could have saved them. Because nobody else is doing anything.

War, war, war.

We're already at war.

Yes it will get louder. The paintings of the spirit will burst forth onto the scene as real and living incarnations. The artistic mysteries of the human psyche, our individual will and our collective spirit, they are tired of living by waves and airs and colors and thoughts, they desire bullets and bombs and fire.

The boys scream "mama, mama, mama." The moms scream for their lost souls.

It is a grief, a lament, for knowing what is to come. And knowing it has already passed. The screams have already passed. Their faint echoes are not fading away into eternity, they are coalescing around a worse mass. A herald. We can expect more of the same. So, so, so much more.

So when i am running towards the sun. How many flowers can i carry in my arms. How many before the weight of new flowers crushes those nearest to my bosom.

Osbvoren. Im sorry i killed you. I am sorry i couldnt pick up what your mother dropped; her hands were seared by the evil incarnate of the hoods and crosses. I am haunted by your ghost, but i am even more haunted by the question.

Would i do it again?

Could i choose differently?

Did you die alone?

Do we all?

Do you know rest?

Will any of us?

...do we win?

#do not copy #bottom orange #dirt road #mission #operation ********* #another one bites the dust #consumerism #lifestylism #weirdcore #apocalypse #eulogy #suicide #lost boys #war #socialism #communism #moonrise kingdom #the discourse #therapy #the rapture

[im-tired-today-again]

internet

I think there's something about the internet, at least

Like specifically for me

I've just made this blog to talk about random ass shit, without people knowing who i am, no acknowledgement. Just somewhere to talk. No strings. I seriously don't give a shit

This is honestly such a funny thing, that I don't know if other people do, or its just a thing everybody does or knows and I'm the last one to figure it out.

When I first made my original tumblr account, it was supposed to be relaxed, loose, no string, i do waht i want, reblog random shit i like without other people saying anything, posting my art without caring who looks or likes it, talking to myself and posting what i'd like. And then, the more and more I used it, the more I felt a weight, a persona i'd created accidentally, these specific things i reblogged and these specific things i posted, i feel like i'd made a mold for myself in a scape where i never had/wanted to. It's weird

There may be a pattern to it. I've done this before honestly

I go into something carefree, no strings attached, and tell myself not to worry. But, the longer it goes on, I dig myself into this whole, aware of others percieving me and reading me and reading into me, I get so. Something. There's an emotion there that I can't pin down. And I force myself into another mold, a persona, rules to obey and follow, despite how much i hate following rules. But i deeply love rules

I don't know if this is just a me thing, something from my trauma that I force myself into these loops subconsciously, something i was taught that i just kept doing.

Or it could just be a human thing, anxiety or some shit

I don't know. Maybe it just comes from fear

Everything comes from fear though, every single emotion can somehow be linked to fear.

I don't know. And I don't care to figure it out right now, my throat hurts and my ears are starting to

[guiltedlily]

1.18.23

7.37pm

the word “villian” has been dancing around my thoughts for weeks now. ive watched so many people in my life become the villain yet ive always tried to stay “good”. i have this urge to let myself go, not be self-destructive, the exact opposite of that. i want to be able to feel myself as my own person and not the dumbed down idea of somebody everybody sees as a kid because i deserve that. it feels like im the villain for that when in reality im standing up for myself. 

i joke about a “villain arc” as if i havent watched others crumble around me and become the real villain. even if it wasnt technically real, i still remember their actions piece by piece. i remember being called the bad guy for being childish and destructive because i had nothing else. not that it was necessarily right, but of all people, me? i watched communitites, nations, rise and fall by a handful of people, i realized that the people i trusted werent moral, i had my world shattered in front of me so many times over. im not asking to be coddled for that, but it makes me wonder why i stuck out as a villain to some

its so freeing to let myself exist without feeling like i have to water myself down but its scary sometimes. for my entire life, ive been known as the dumb kid who feels things too much and too hard. for my entire life ive been treated as a child when i was cheated out of the chance to actually be one. i convinced myself it was “healing” but i was being pushed back further. in all honesty, i feel emotionally stunted in a way. all those years of being treated and seen as a child make me feel as though i need to behave like one, like i dont understand anything and need somebody to cling onto. ive spent years clinging onto others and i have lost them every single time. 

im allowed to be my own person and i do not need somebody to define that for me

thats the single biggest thing ive had to face with.. all of this. lose everybody, gain myself. i cant live in the shadows of everybody else forever and i needed to realize that. i allowed myself to be pushed into boxes and constrained because god forbid im anybody but who others want me to be. i dont think its much of a coincidence that i only started seriously considering my gender once i wasnt under the influence of other people in my life and appeasing them. my gender is just a small portion of my identity that id repressed; there are still parts of the stupid kid that remain inside me, but im trying to take charge and allow myself to be better than that and really grow

i still think a lot about the times id broken down in front of people. i dont know if “regret” is the right word, but it terrifies me. id spent how long having my emotions used against me, and the moment i get comfortable expressing them more freely, im back at square one. a part of me would like to believe that they wont do that; itd be awful to use somebodys trauma and breakdowns against them, right? im forced to look back at my brother and remember the person he is. im forced to realize that maybe he wont always have a soft spot for me, that maybe me speaking out made him turn on me. it shatters my heart to consider but its unfortunately something i need to be aware of

i can tell myself time and time again “he had some sort of reasoning to prod at people the way he did”, but did he? all because he percieved these people as “bad” and considered himself any better. time and time again, i have to realize that im not a stranger to familial wrath. i would believe he could justify anything he does, and thats horrifying in a sense. does it give you a sense of gratification to jab your finger into peoples trauma, or do you only care when it becomes a threat to those you supposedly care about? 

when i think about people, my mind is cluttered with questions to them. im perpetually curious and its never quite quenched. i could fill a notebook of questions that i will never ask and i know i will never receive that closure. i could know every single thing about their thought processes but it wouldnt heal

8.20pm

#journaling #original post

[saltypiss]

Obviously people having guns doesn't keep the government from fucking with you. What you're really worried about is laws passing that restrict rights and make living worse.

Because the literal easiest most obvious solution is simply not treating the currency as worthwhile. Stop paying taxes, stop buying from stores. Crumble the government by holding our own government shutdown.

But we don't do that, because no where near enough people are going to join in, for a variety of reasons.

Same with guns. Not everybody has one, the military doesn't even let their soldier's walk around with concealed carry because guess what statistic went up when everyone has guns, despite being in the fucking military on the same side in the same platoon.

So, you take undisciplined, untrained strangers, give them guns, and tell them to fight the government and apparently military (because obviously the entirety of the military will be fighting americans, gotcha.) They're gonna shoot each other, not the handful of government employees not even in the same state, let alone in this scenario the same country, the government merely wait for republicans to shoot each other and especially anybody not within their arbitrary criteria of percieved humanity.

Republicans are the government's tool to stop a revolution. Make them hate everyone, arm them, make them extremists and disregard all of reality, ignore facts and evidence, and now, no longer does the government need to get involved. They merely use propaganda to make republicans kill dissenters.

Nukes? As if, they don't need to drop a single bomb, let alone shoot a bullet, republican's aren't intelligent enough to remotely plan anything, they'll crumble any attempt at overthrowing the government simply by being themselves.

And the facts of reality are blatant: Republicans use the mass shooter list as a leaderboard, and they've never decided it was worth going against the government, just The Browns and The Le' GeBiTals. The few time they have, Jan 6th, Pelosi's husband, they distanced themselves, say "no, that was never us, we would never!"

Truly though, a buncha rednecks vs a corrupt government, the government wins, nobody likes rednecks that forced the government into the state it is. Nobody is going to take republican's side in a revolution, nobody is going to trust these redneck murderous bigotted conspiracy theorist fucks. Their involvement completely disintegrates any possibility of a revolution, and it's embarrassing they haven't the mental capacity to understand as much. Full stop.

#republicans #revolution #fighting against a tyrannical government #the reason the left doesn't even truly discuss a revolution is because republican's are anti-american

[rhydium]

gender? what's that

also rat friend :)

CAAAAAL OMFG I LOVE THESE ??????? SCREAMS

#EVERYBODY PERCIEVE RIGHT NOW #aaaaaAAAAAaaa... sobs #jackal.txt #ask #calista-222 #for me #fav #rhydium

[silentmoths]

hello! i hope you're having a good day, i'm the same anon who requested the touch starved masc reader ^o^ i'm here to request something again if that's alright with you - mmmm maybe a reader who is an EXTREME perfectionist, on the outside they are arrogant, confident, and intelligent but on the inside they constantly worry that if they make one single mistake everybody's opinions on them will change forever? they have a mental breakdown & zhongli walks in >:) masc, fem, gn - its up to you! :D

Hello again friend! Sorry I didn't get to your request sooner! but absolutely!! Ft: Zhongli/ Gn Reader Hurt/Comfort, reader's very bad not good mental health, Zhongli being a very good boy, fluff, smooching

SFW

Today had not been a good day.

Stupid, like you can ever do anything right.

It had been a moment of weakness, a question that you dind’t know how to answer immediately; that wasn’t like you.

what if people thought you were stupid? what if they thought you were an idiot? that everything was a lie? That you weren't this cool, amazing, confident person you claimed to be?

fuck....fuck

How long had it been since you'd felt that familiar tightness in your chest? caught somewhere between an unscratchable itch and drowning. That terrible feeling of impending doom, the lightness in your head and the sting in your eyes? It'd been years since you'd had a panic attack, and over something so insignificant as a simple question no less?

you really were pathetic.

what was the point of all fo this? did you have any idea what your purpose in life actually was? 'fake it till you make it' they always said. Who were they anyway?

"y/n.... y/n!"

You can't even stop the shocked, strangled gasp of surprise when a familiar voice calls your name, hand landing on your shoulder as you whip your head up to blink at the sudden intruder to your panic attack.

"Zhongli- uh- H-Hey what's up? Ya need somethin?" yeah even you could tell he wasn't going to let the shake in your voice slip.

Zhongli's face simply softens as he sits beside you, hand shifting from your shoulder to twine his fingers with your own, it's enough to make the sting in your eyes even worse.

"You do not always have to be perfect you know."

"But...if I'm not then...who am I?" the response comes easily, it really shouldn't, but Zhongli always had this strange way of pulling the truth from you with minimal effort.

"You're you. You're human, everyone makes mistakes, even Rex Lapis has made mistakes."

"Doubt it." you snort, totally missing the slight smirk that tugs briefly on his lips.

"You would be surprised." He chuckles, tugging you close and pressing his lips to the top of your head. "For all the bluster and confidence you exhume, at heart I know you worry so very much about how you're percieved."

You squirm in his grip, being called out like this wasn't exactly on the lift of things you enjoyed, but he doesn't let you go, instead he just continues to press soft, teeth-achingly sweet kisses to your hair and face.

"Everyone has their flaws...Take myself for example, I'm constantly forgetting to bring mora, Childe? he can become too caught up with his own thirst for battle to see more obvious problems...Xiangling? well, she occasionally lacks the forethought that not everyone wishes to eat hillichurl skin or slime condensate."

You pull a face, remembering the last time she'd got you with the damn slime condensate.

"You may not percieve yourself as perfect, but no one else percieves themselves that way either. perfection is difficult to obtain and near impossible to hold onto."

"What about Ningguang? she's perfect all the time." You retort, wiping uselessly at your watering eyes.

"Lady Ningguang is not all she appears to be. From a humble but poor family running a stall at the night market, to now, her largest flaw is her obsession with mora, very seldom does she take a break...hm, sounds like someone else I know." He gives you a rather pointed look, using his free hand to gently wipe away your tears.

Man.. It was so stupid how easily Zhongli's words above all others could sink into your very soul, like a hot drink on a cold day, his words and his tone was always exactly what you needed, even if it isnt what you wanted to hear... So you shift, leaning into his chest and inhaling that warm, comforting scent of his. "I guess."

"You keep guessing, I already know." Zhongli huffs with satisfaction, pulling you the rest of the way onto his lap. "How about this, I have a few day's off as of today, shall we take a trip, just you and I? We could go and spend a couple of nights in Wangshu in? Get away from the hustle and bustle of the city for a bit and clear your mind?"

Hm...that did sound tempting...very tempting indeed.

"In my experience, when ones mental health is on a decline, a few steps back from general life can be quite...rejuvinating. Take Mondstadt's Archon for example, he slept for over a thousand years." "mmh...I could go for a thousand year nap." You admit, nudging your way beneath his chin, yes, this was good, this was better.

"While I don't think that's fesable for you, a good night's rest will certainly help." Zhongli chuckles, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips.

"Come, let's go."

#Genshin impact #Genshin scenarios #silentmothwrites #Zhongli x reader #Genshin Zhongli #silentmothasks

[aurora-daily]

You Don’t Need A Cure For Yourself! – Norwegian Pop-Star Aurora On Songwriting, Self-Doubt, And Community

Interview by Laura Gruebler for TITLE Magazine (August 14th, 2021).

If you haven’t heard about Aurora yet, you will surely recognise her song “Runaway”. Although this single was released back in 2015, it was only this year it gained massive popularity. “Runaway” has gone viral on Tik Tok and Instagram and is accordingly to Spotify amongst the top 50 TikTok songs of 2021.

However, this young singer/songwriter from Norway is more than just a one hit wonder. Aurora is a promising talent for songwriting and composing. In addition to that, her open mind, and sympathetic character enabled her to establish a loyal and ever growing fan base. In our interview we got to know this musician from a very personal side and she ceratinly gained some new supporters.

How are you today? What does a typical day in your life look like right now?

I’m fine, thanks for asking. It’s a bit of both, I’m a lot in the studio, but I just finished my album that is coming out soon, so I’m having a tiny holiday, which has been great. But yeah, it’s busy but fun. I’m very excited about what’s coming.

(The pandemic has been challenging for everybody differently. How did you experience lockdown? Did it have any impact on your creativity?)

Personally, I have quite enjoyed being forced by the virus to be more inside and to be less social. I do enjoy that kind of lifestyle, I like being home and alone. But of course it is a different experience when you know you don’t have any other choice. But I’ve enjoyed the space and the time. It’s been great for my creativity, I’ve been creating quite a lot. But of course, I’ve been sad on behalf of the world and the people. It’s been sad and equally healing. I’ve been very lucky, although I couldn’t work as much or go on tour.

What inspires you? How do you decide what to write about?

It can come very suddenly, very out of the blue and I’ll know when it’s the perfect line. I also always have long album titles, which just happen to me and from there I get very inspired and know what I’m going to do. For example, for the album that I just finished now, I knew the title last year in January, and then I started writing for it.

I always write a song with a mission to fit into a new story. It’s like every song is a new chapter of a book. And the meaning is very important, instinctive, and driven by my heart.

What makes a good song? What is more important: melody and instruments or lyrics and meaning?

Meaning always comes first, and often the melody. Or the title, I often begin with the title actually. I know my record name and the vision before I start writing for it. I like to write conceptually.

Your only Norwegian song “Stjernestøv” which means stardust has been quite successful in your home county. Why did you decide to write and perform mainly in English?

I love to read, it’s my favorite thing in the world. But it breaks my heart that I’ll never get to read many of them in their original language. And I guess I’d suggest always writing in your mother tongue but it’s so sad that someone else then has to translate. And I feel like it’s the same with my songs. I want as many people as possible to be able to understand my music in the way I write it. English is a more direct and universal language.

What makes a good music video? Your recent song release “Cure For Me” comes with a really fun video. Do you have any impact on the outcome – what is important to you to communicate with your visuals?

I am very inspired by the visual world. And I guess people are more used to understanding visual things and pictures in comparison to sound. We need to work harder to understand just sound. I love to take on the opportunity and create a video for each of my singles and take care of how people perceive my songs. It’s one of my favorite things to do. It’s so fun. I love hiding details and clues in my videos. And my fans are so clever – they always figure out what things mean or guess what my next song will be.

You have uploaded a tutorial for the dance moves in “Cure For Me”. Is dancing something you like to express yourself with?

I love dancing. My favorite thing is going to rave parties and dancing until the next morning. It’s the best thing ever. I think we’re meant to dance and shake our bodies way more than we do. I can’t understand people who can resist dancing. It doesn’t even have to look good, it should just feel liberating.

At TITLE Magazine we focus on being true to yourself and your True Identity. Have you found your True Identity yet? How would you describe it?

Yes, I think I have found my True Identity. I feel very grounded in myself and I feel very grounded on this Earth. I feel very connected to the ground and my place in this world. So my True Identity is a very grounded and calm one. Luckily, it’s been like that for a little while now.

“Cure For Me” basically has the message to not doubt yourself, and love yourself regardless. No one needs a cure for themselves, no matter what other people say. Have you experienced any negativity towards yourself before? How did you deal with it?

I haven’t experienced it much in comparison to others. I was teased in school because I dressed quite strangely and I guess I act differently. I didn’t feel very connected to other people. I struggled with finding a sense of belonging in a group at school or within the system. But now, I’ve really found my place. And my fans helped a lot to show that I can be connected to so many people out there in the world, however, not in my neighborhood in the countryside.

I spent a lot of time in nature, which made me gain energy, but I often disappeared again when I entered a room with other people in it. I didn’t like people so much when I was younger. And this feeling you are not the same as the people around you goes into this feeling that something is wrong with you instead of accepting the differences.

What advice would give others that are being told they are not good enough or doubt themselves?

The little box that has been put out in front of us is so small and the world is telling us that we have to fit in this box – this pattern of behavior, this way of looking, being, loving, or you’re not going to be accepted. It’s a very narrow whole we are supposed to fit into and it simply doesn’t make sense. It’s very soul strangling. And if you worry about fitting in, think of how little your perspective is and how little you actually see, and how little you have left to actually experience life and yourself in this world.  So, it really doesn’t matter what the world or our parents or even ourselves think of us. We can be our harshest critics. It can be so difficult to love ourselves but it really shouldn’t matter to fit in this useless box.

Since the kickstart of your career and the successful release of your EP “Running With The Wolves” in 2015, you have been doing some great performances and achieved some amazing things. What is your personal highlight of your career so far?

I am very proud of my community. But I am also scared by it. I don’t like the idea of worshiping one single person so much. It’s not natural. But I feel like I have a different relationship with my fans. It’s based on mutual respect and admiration. They opened my eyes to how beautiful the world is and made me believe in mankind again. It’s the best gift I could ever get in life.

The highlight of my career is realizing how much we can do, or use our voices to speak up against the wrong, and loudly about love. It’s so beautiful and powerful. And change can only be done with many people standing together.

How do you percieve community online? How do you feel about virality and hype on Tik Tok and Instagram?

I guess it’s the same online as well. I think of every person as a single human being sitting at home. The people I want to reach the most are the people that are most isolated and lonely. I am a big fan of the online community and I find it magical that we’re all connected. I don’t care too much about the numbers of streams etc. It doesn’t seem to make anyone, including me, happy. Maybe for like a moment in which I’m joyfully surprised but then it’s over. It’s so short living.

#aurora #aurora aksnes #new album #cure for me #interviews

[stellocchia]

You know what? I just realised that the Red Egg is just another morally gray character who’s actually justified in it’s action if you look at them from it’s point of view...

(Just a disclaimer: this whole post will be sarcastic and made to point out some inconsistencies I’ve seen in various apologists arguments, I’ll try to make it clear troughout, but still, bear this in mind. It is also a critique of the FANDOM and NOT OF THE CHARACTERS)

Now you’ll ask: how can we justify the actions of a manipulative weird ass Egg/plant thing that feeds on human flesh and is Hell bent on world domination? Well, you’ll see that some arguments can be made in favour of it that are absolutely identical to some of the most popular ones that have been made about other well known characters (such as c!Dream or c!Techno, maybe others... I’ll see as I go). 

Discussion under the cut... this will be a long one.

First argument: The Egg was always clear about it’s intentions. The Egg never hid from it’s followers (or allies if you may, after all power imbalance is rarely taken into account when analyzing relationships in this fandom...) that it’s objective was to expand, eat and unify the server under it’s guidance. This in and of itself, of course, already justifies somewhat the Eggs actions (after all, this argument is what “justified” Techno’s actions on november 16th and forward, why shouldn’t we apply it to other characters?). Honesty after all is always a good justifications for someone’s wrongdoings, no matter their impact on others. 

Second argument: The Egg’s true objective is unity, which is ultimately good. How do we know that’s the Eggs true objective? Well, it’s the one that BBH, main interpreter of the Egg, insists most about. The Egg followers want to create unity under the Egg, easy as that. And unity being necessarily a good thing (as told to us by Ranboo with his “no sides” ideals and Dream with his “one big happy famaily” statement) means that the Egg at least got good intentions. Also wanting to unite people under your rule or system of belief is in no way tyrannical or wrong, and violence is always justified if your objective is ultimately positive (this is why, after all, neither Dream nor Techno or Phil were in the wrong when imposing their ideologies on others trough means of extreme violence and this is why Dream’s actions can not be defined as tyrannical while his ultimate objective was ultimate control)

You may wonder though, before we get to the next point, how can we just entirely trust the Eggs words with absolutly no critical analysis of it’s actions and without consulting any pov external from that of it’s followers? Well, that’s simply because we have absolutely no reason to believe the Egg is in any way an unreliable narrator, therefore we can take anything it says, either out loud or to it’s followers, as the absolute truth. Also we can assume without watching any external pov that anyone opposing the Egg is inherently biased, therefore it’s entirely useless to try and understand their point of view. (We have other examples of character like this in the story already, such as: Technoblade, Phil and Dream. Any statement they make can be taken as absolute fact regarding their motivation, actions or ideologies and any statement opposing what they say is to be discarded as biased or worthless)

Third argument: The Egg has given a lot to it’s followers, therefore is deserving of their absolute loyalty and it’s absolutely justified in harming them in retaliation if they shift sides (aka if they betray it). Now, I know what you’re thinking: “This sounds very manipulative and not okay, you can’t simply buy someone’s loyalty or friendship! They shouldn’t owe you if you give them something freely!”... well... you’re wrong. The Egg has given them so much! It gave them the power to achieve any of their desires and offers to do so for anyone who’d follow it. It even helped BBH when his best friend Skeppy got infected by healing him and giving BBH a cause to believe in and a group to belong to. It did so for Ant and Punz too, as well as trying to do so for many others. It just asked for their love in exchange! Can’t believe some people like Puffy would just stop loving it once she recognized that that relationship had changed her into someone she didn’t want to be! The Egg is fully justified in wanting her dead after her betrayal... (much like Techno and Phil were absolutely justified in Doomsday and in working with Dream as Tommy had betrayed them with no valid motivation whatsoever. If they’d killed him as he was on his last life they’d also be justified)

Some may wonder why is the Egg also justified in wanting to kill Tommy or in hurting Sam since they never technically betrayed it? Well, Tommy is annoying (God this actually hurts to write, it’s so damn stupid) and also a liability. For the Greater Good some sacrifices must be made and it’s fine for things to get destroyed or people to die as long as it is for a just cause. Also Sam getting hurt was just an unfortunate but necessary thing for him to learn his lesson not to oppose the Egg and be a hinderance for it. (Again: the abolishment of governaments was the ultimate and undoubtedly good objective of both Doomsday and the November 16th war which makes any and all casualties and propriety damage in both of this events excusable. Also it has been proven already that the only True and Right way to teach a “lesson” is trough violence by characters such as: Dream, Phil, Techno, Niki and Jack and confirmed by: Ranboo and Hbomb, we can therefore assume that this is true and also justified. If a character is considered an annoyance the justification points for using violence to teach them a lesson is doubled!)

Fourth argument: The Egg has often been used or talked about as a tool to get power, this is dehumanizing and it grants it free range to utterly detroy anyone who it percieves to have done so. While the precedent for this point is very muddled and hard to prove and The Egg has only gone after one of the people (Tommy) who wanted to use it for profit, it’s still worth pointing out and can be used as an excuse later on. Do we have no proofs of this happening? Do people start actually considering it a living breathing evil creature as soon as it shows to not be an inanimate plant and actually start immediately treating it as such? Has this never been pointed out by the Egg or it’s followers and has the Egg never expressed feeling uncomfortable with people’s views of it as well as ingoraging some of them itself? None of this matters! As long as The Egg starts expressing a belief that this happened way after with nothing to back it up it will still be to be taken at face value and it will be a valid reason to demonize any and all people who oppose it! (While an argument can actually be made for the Egg being dehumanized as it in no way, shape or form presents any similarities to an actual human, not from a moral, psychological or physical point of view, there are actually 0 proofs of this happening with our precedent for this point which is Techno, aside from his say so, this point is, however, just as valid for him. It doesn’t matter if something never happened as long as Techno perceives it as if it did). 

The trauma that the dehumanization and betrayals may have caused could also be used as a further justification for all of the Eggs actions, though only if it is shown in the most mainstream and romanticized version of it and none of the ugly/debilitating aspects of ptsd are ever presented in any way (*cough* Ranboo, Techno and Phil to varying degrees *cough*), we don’t want such a sympathetic character lashing out, not being Sad all the time, shutting people off, being rude, being brash or talk too loudly, it would just ruin it all for everybody. Also the trauma should possibly not affect it in any significant ways and never actually be brought up if not in eloquent monologues to other characters for maximum effect (*cough* Techno again *cough*)

So, let’s recap: The Egg may be considered morally gray (no more or less then other characters though as only one shade of gray exists) as it did some things that may be perceived as excessive (mostly harming Sam as he is a conventionally likeable character who also has no amnesia or other mental health issues and, therefore, is the only type of character who’s feelings should be taken into account), but it’s mostly justified in it’s doings. 

If none of this arguments seem to make sense and you think they don’t excuse the Egg’s actions (aka a demonic being with no sense of human morals) they should also be considered utterly worthless for any other character (all of them way more worthy of being held accountable for thir own actions) as well...

#once again this post is SARCASTIC and to be red as such with a british accent exclusively #it is also not a critique of any of the characters themselves nor the cc's #they're all great! #IT IS HOWEVER a critique of some of the apologism I've seen in this fandom #also I swear if I start seeing genuine Egg apologists popping up I will be upset #and maybe write some other long ass post about it #that's literally all I can do #but still... #tw manipulation mention #tw abuse apologism #tw death #I think that's all but please tell me if more is to be added #The Egg #technoblade #dreamwastaken #philza minecraft #ranboo #dream smp #/rp #long post #my post

[jasontoddiefor]

More Detective Wayne AU stuff

After Bruce’s first day at the police academy he calls Alfred like “is being white and racist a requirement for being a cop because Alfie you won’t believe-“

You think Batman has zero patience? Detective Wayne has even less chill

He doesn’t dress up as a Bat so he has 1000% more the right to judge everybody who does dress up. Especially villains.

“It’s dedication!”

“It’s spending an unreasonable amount of money on Aesthetic™️ Harvey. Now, please, put down the gun.”

Bruce still tells Superman to get out of Gotham. He doesn’t need more costumed idiots. And no, Gotham doesn’t need a Justice League approved hero thank you very much

Since Ra’s doesn’t percieve Bruce as anyone super interesting, he doesn’t really care about Damian either. Therefore Talia gives Damian to Bruce and they have shared custody and Damian grows up happy and loved and his parents spoil him

“sTiCk TO tHe FUckINg PrOTOcOL, WaYNe!”

Bruce Wayne, recent detective, will run into a hostage situation without a bulletproof vest

Bruce “oh you just admitted doing tax evasion on my gala guess what I’m never off duty and you’re going to jail” Wayne

“YOU HAVE A GUN! USE IT!” - Jim Gordon

“Okay but i don’t need it.” - Bruce

Toddler Barbara and Teenage Bruce get into so much trouble

Bruce has thrown his badge at a criminal running away, hit them and made them stumble

“They’re escaping over the rooftop!”

“No prob.” Climbs up the building parkour style

Selina: “Oooh, aren’t you kinky Detective Wayne?”

Bruce, deadpan: “I’m arresting you, Catwoman.”

#detective wayne au #dc #dc comics #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #barbara gordon #talia al ghul #jim gordon #damian wayne #selina kyle