THE SECRET - part one of three
Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Virgin!Reader
Summary: You are a new cast member, playing Tommy Shelby’s love interest. During filming, you fall for your co-star Cillian Murphy.
Words: 6,556
Warning: Smut, Age Gap
Notes: For the purpose of this fic, Cillian is single.
Tag List: @lilymurphy03 @deefigs
@chrisevanshoeeee @desperate-and-broken
@weepingstudentfishhorse @fookingshelby @livinginfantaxy
@atomicsoulcollecto @datewithgianni @mariapaiva13
The Scene
You were nervous. This was your first role in a popular TV show.
You had been on small production TV shows in your home country of France. But this was different. The show had international success and you couldn’t believe that the producers of the show had chosen you for the role of 27-year-old Yvette L’mare for the series’ final Season.
You spoke fluent French and English and had experience in scenes with extensive dialogue due to your theatrical experience since you were 12.
But, you were by no means as experienced as some of the other candidates they had casted. After all, you were only 19.
You read the scripts over and over again after your successful audition and made yourself small rehearsal cards for each scene. The dialogue heavy scenes didn’t concern you. But, there were some scenes which were out of your comfort zone.
Your script included two intimate scenes with the actor who played the main character of the show, Thomas Shelby.
The first scene was simple enough, not much more than a kiss. The second scene, however, was to be filmed under closed set. Neither of you were going to be clothed in more than underpants, which meant that only the director, one assistant and the camara man would be present.
Before the audition, you watched the last two seasons of Peaky Blinders and you re-watched them just a week ago as part of your preparation and to give you an idea what the director will look for when filming these kinds of scenes.
Before that, you hadn’t paid much attention to the show.
From watching some of the series, it was obvious to you that your co-star was experienced. He portrayed Thomas Shelby impressively well which was something that made you even more nervous.
Will you live up to the standards of the director? Or will you fail miserably with these challenging scenes?
It didn’t matter. It was all too late now. You signed the Contract and were on your way to England.
You arrived a day before filming started in order to settle into your apartment.
The apartment was located within a hotel residence that was booked out for the cast for the entire period of production.
You shared a small two-bedroom apartment with another new cast member named Emma. Emma was from France as well and, ironically, portrayed your sister in the show. Emma was 24, slightly older than you and quite attractive. You immediately got along. She was focused, didn’t care much about partying and was down to earth.
For the first evening, after everyone arrived, the producers organised a dinner to introduce the new cast and crew members to everyone. This was when you first got to meet your co-star, Cillian.
Since you had several scenes together, the director of the show took the time to personally introduce you to Cillian.
Cillian greeted you with a big smile and you knew immediately why so many women were smitten by him. You recalled that, when you told friends and family about your audition, they wouldn’t stop talking about Thomas Shelby and how insanely attractive he was.
They were not wrong. But, what impressed you the most about Cillian was that he was so easy going and funny.
You talked to him for a while, about the most random topics, ignoring everyone else for at least 20 minutes until it was time for you to meet the other cast members.
‘Looks like you two have a lot to talk about?’ Anthony said jokingly.
‘Talking about wine’ you smiled, rather shyly.
‘Yeah, I got carried away talking about the wine production in the province. Did you know that Y/N’s parents own Bessiux Wines?’ Cillian asked, catching Anthony by surprise. ‘His sister got married at your parents’ estate last August’ Cillian added, causing Anthony to nod.
You talked about your parents’ winery for a little longer before Anthony asked you to meet the other cast members.
‘I am looking forward to working with you Cillian’ you said as you walked away and he responded with a smile and comforting ‘Likewise’.
After your encounter with Cillian you were introduced to Finn Cole and Natasha O’Keefe. You heard about Finn from your new roommate but only just then realised that he portrays Michael Grey.
You talked to both Finn and Natasha for a while and, whilst you enjoyed their company, you wished that you had some more time to talk to Cillian. Unfortunately for you, he left rather early that evening.
The next day, you picked up your schedule for the week and noticed that the scenes you prepared for were to be shot completely out of order.
In fact, your most intimate scene was scheduled for 10am on Day 2 of Production. You couldn’t believe it. You were by no means prepared for that.
Your first day on set went well and the director of the show complimented your work on several occasions. But, when filming was finished for the day, your nervousness sat in.
‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Emma asked as you were picking on your salad and looked at tomorrow’s scripts.
‘Yeah, just a bit nervous’ you sighed.
Emma looked over your shoulder to read your script.
‘Wow, they are throwing you right into the deep end’ she giggled.
‘Yes, they are’ you said with a shy smile before listening to some advice from Emma, who had more experience than you acting on screen.
That night, after reading your scripts at least ten more times and letting it play out in your head, you could not sleep and your lack of sleep was evident on set the next day.
‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Cillian asked concerned, noticing your yawning and your hands shivering slightly.
‘Yes, I am fine. I am just trying to think how to act the next scene. From reading this, it isn’t very clear to me what exactly I need to do’ you said concerned.
‘These scenes are scripted in a way to allow for improvisation. From experience, actors often fail to act these kinds of scenes directly to script, that’s why’ Cillian laughed.
‘Right, so the script is lacking the details on purpose?’ you asked.
‘Correct’ Cillian said. ‘John and Anthony will tell us what to do and in which direction to face so that you are covered. You don’t need to worry’ Cillian said reassuringly, causing you to giggle.
‘I am not worried about anyone seeing my breasts or something. I just don’t know what do, where to put my hands, my face, any of that’ you explained with total embarrassment.
‘Well, I suppose you just pretend to do what you would normally do when you are getting down to business’ Cillian said with a chuckle, not knowing how else to explain it.
‘Well, my experience in this department is limited. So, I apologise in advance for any awkwardness’ you said, your cheeks flushing even through the dense make up.
‘Y/N, these scenes are awkward even for the most experienced actors. If it gets too uncomfortable, we can postpone it, alright’ Cillian said, keeping a relaxed approach.
‘Alright. Thanks Cillian’ you said just before it was time for you to get changed into your gown.
The next time you would see Cillian was on the closed set, pretending to make love to him on the large cedar bed.
Just as you were getting undressed in the change room and put on the skin-coloured panties and robe you were given by the set assistant, you topped up your perfume.
You were going to be so close to each other, at least you wanted to smell nice.
After you were done, the set assistant applied some more lipstick and fixed up your hair before you sat down on the large bed. You were nervous, your heart pounding.
Cillian was much more relaxed sitting next to you in black Clavin Klein briefs. There was no need for a robe, his intimate parts were well covered, unlike yours.
His freckled skin was highlighted by the light which had not yet been adjusted and you couldn’t help but look at him while you made an effort to keep your small breasts covered from him at this point.
The cameraman was angling the camera while the director discussed the scene with you and Cillian.
You knew that this was going to be a disaster. The issue wasn’t so much that you were naked in front of the camera and the director, but more the fac that, as part of the scene, another man who you felt somewhat attracted to was about to see you like this, completely vulnerable. He was about to touch your naked skin and kiss you, but not out of his own accord. It felt absurd to you, yet you knew this was part of the job.
Finally, after the director gave his instructions, you got yourself into position.
With some embarrassment you handed the set assistant your robe and lied down on the bed.
You were waiting for some kind of joke from Cillian to lighten up the mood, but Cillian was very professional.
He sat down right next to you and you could tell that he was trying very hard to look away from your breasts.
Before he climbed over you to get into position, he gave you a warning. Regardless of the warning, you stopped breathing for a minute as he positioned himself on top of you.
‘Are you alright?’ he asked as he could see the nervousness on your face.
‘Yes’ you nodded, taking in a deep breath. He was so close that you could smell his skin and the scent of his aftershave.
‘Sink down a bit on the left forearm Cillian, we want to keep the rating below R18’ the director said with a laugh because your breasts were fully visible on camera.
‘We do?’ Cillian chuckled, causing you to laugh just before Cillian adjusted his position as instructed. For a short moment, his chest brushed against your left breast.
‘I am sorry’ he said politely.
‘It’s alright Cilly’ you said.
‘I think we are good now guys, I will count to three and we start the first part of the scene’ the director said.
It felt like an eternity with Cillian on top of you by the time the director called action.
In this scene, Tommy and Yvette were having sex. It was to start with a kiss followed by the obvious act.
There was no practice for a scene like this and, as soon as you heard the word action, Cillian’s lips slowly met yours. You closed your eyes and caressed his face with your hands as you let him take the lead. The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity until he pulled away from you.
His body was soon grinding against yours, but without your most intimate parts touching. He made sure of that. Regardless of this, you could feel his legs in between yours and his chest brushing against your breasts. The sensation sent shivers down your body and small little goosebumps began to cover your chest. How embarrassing you thought and, unfortunately for you, your embarrassment was evident on your face and the cut was called.
You attempted the scene again several times. You kissed over and over again and your hands moved from his face to his arms and chest, exploring his skin while his body was grinding against you.
But, this wasn’t enough for the director who picked up that the movement of your hands and the expressions on your face weren’t giving the viewers the impression that this was real. Your biggest problem was that you were attracted to Cillian and you realised this more than ever during this scene and tried very hard to hide it, making you look nervous and embarrassed.
After a few more takes, the director suggested a break.
‘I am so sorry Cillian’ you said as you sat next to him in your dressing gown.
‘Don’t be. You are doing fine. These scenes can be tricky and really shouldn’t be scheduled for the second day of filming’ he said with a warm smile before excusing himself.
He was gone for about ten minutes while you had some water and waited for further instructions from the team.
When he returned, he informed you that he agreed with the director that the scene be postponed.
‘Cillian, I can do this, really’ you said upset about the postponement.
‘I know you can, but like I said, it’s the second day of filming and it would probably be easier once we had a few more scenes together’ Cillian suggested.
‘Is that not going to be a problem with the set up?’ you asked.
‘No, the prop can stay here for another month and one of the perks of being a producer is that I get a say in this stuff’ Cillian smiled.
‘I feel like such a failure’ you said embarrassed.
‘You are not Y/N, you are doing great, really’ Cillian said, his hands touching your arms.
‘Common, time to get ready for more scenes’ he said with a warm smile and you followed him to get changed, separately of course.
Mr Matchmaker
Later that night, some of the cast members were heading to the pub for dinner and you sat down next to Natasha and Emma when you arrived.
You told Natasha and Emma about what happened on set. You were still upset about it.
‘Oh gosh, don’t worry Y/N. Cillian is very easy going and Anthony is very impressed with your scenes from the first day so you have nothing to worry about. I remember my first sex scene with Cillian and it took nine takes and a lot of laughter to get it right’ Natasha said.
‘How do you know when it’s right though? It’s extremely awkward’ you said.
‘If it looks like you are having sex then it’s right’ Natasha laughed. ‘I actually think about the man in my life and just switch off throughout the scene. So, if you have a boyfriend, think about him. That might help with the comfort level’ Natasha said.
‘I am happily single’ you said with a smile just as Cillian arrived at the table.
‘You are late’ Natasha said, noticing the frustration on his face.
‘Sorry’ Cillian said as he sat down next to you.
‘Still dramas with Nadine?’ Natasha asked, causing you to wonder who Nadine was.
‘Yes’ he responded just before he ordered himself a drink.
Throughout the conversation you learned that Nadine was Cillian’s ex-girlfriend with whom he broke up as little as six weeks ago. Him and Nadine were together for three years and shared a house in Dublin until recently.
Your group was soon joined by some more cast members, including Finn Cole and everyone seemed in a pretty good mood.
You talked to Finn for a while until you excused yourself to get another drink.
As you walked to the bar, you noticed Cillian following you and engaged in a conversation with him.
‘Just in case you haven’t noticed, Finn seems to like you’ Cillian said as he stood next to you at the bar.
‘Oh, what makes you say that?’ you asked.
‘I just know. My matchmaking abilities are impeccable’ he joked.
Whilst you felt flattered, you weren’t interested in Finn and little did Cillian know that he was the one you had your eye on.
‘Really?’ you asked.
‘Yes, really. You should probably consider him. He is a nice guy, down to earth, good looking, the right age’ Cillian said cheekily.
‘I have my eyes on someone else Cillian, but thank you for your efforts’ you said with slight embarrassment and a hint of humour.
‘Now I am intrigued. Who is it? Someone on set?’ Cillian asked.
‘None of your business Mr Matchmaker’ you laughed.
‘Well, if you ever require my services, you know where to find me’ Cillian said, causing you to raise your eyebrows.
‘Services as in setting you up with someone from the crew, discreetly of course’ Cillian laughed, realising that his comment may have been received by you in the wrong way.
‘Right, you got me excited there for a moment’ you said jokingly.
‘Did I?’ Cillian joked. ‘Now that makes me feel good at my age’ Cillian added.
You knew how old he was. You googled him, just before you came to the pub, because you were curious about him, his background, things he doesn’t talk about. But, to your surprise, the fact that he was nearing 45, didn’t bother you the slightest and it certainly didn’t dampen the attraction you felt towards him.
You also knew that, being 19 years old, you would have no chance with him. He wasn’t the type of actor who was chasing young models like many other celebrities his age.
You and Cillian talked and joked for another 20 minutes before he excused himself. He had a busy day filming ahead of him and needed to get some rest.
Over the next few days, Cillian and you had several scenes together and spent some of your breaks together. You enjoyed his company and he clearly also enjoyed yours.
On Day 9 of Production, you even went as far and asked Cillian whether he wanted to watch the Liverpool game with you and Emma.
He accepted your invitation and you were quite excited. Emma was confused as to why you invited him over but didn’t think much about it until there was a knock on the door and she opened it.
To both of your surprise, Cillian had invited Finn along. Was he really so oblivious to the fact that you were attracted to him that he had to bring a sidekick, you thought?
The evening went rather slow and with you sitting in between Finn and Emma, you felt somewhat uncomfortable.
The next day, on Day 10 of Production, you had another somewhat intimate scene with Cillian. It wasn’t more than a kiss and some touching. Regardless, you were nervous but not nervous enough to first ask him why he invited Finn.
‘He invited himself when I told him about it’ Cillian chuckled. ‘I told you, he likes you’ he added.
‘That’s just great because now Emma thinks that I have a thing for him’ you said laughing.
‘These Rumours. You got to love them. Sometimes I seriously feel like I am back at school working here’ Cillian laughed.
This conversation led to an interesting question from Cillian. After you had time to talk about your days at school, he brought up your upcoming birthday. You seemed to have referred to school as a recent event, so he couldn’t help but ask how old you were turning.
‘I am turning 20’ you responded, causing Cillian to look at you almost like he had seen a ghost.
‘You are 19?’ he asked.
‘You seem surprised. How old did you think I was?’ you asked.
‘Not sure, mid or late twenties maybe?’ Cillian said just as the set assistant called you both to the scene.
Your nervousness set back in as you took your position in Thomas Shelby’s office.
The scene started of with a dialogue between Thomas Shelby and Yvette which went smoothly, as expected. The next part of the scene involved Thomas lifting Yvette onto his desk and kiss her passionately while running his hands over the back of her body.
The first attempt resulted in Cillian and you both laughing as he lifted you up. It was awkward and it didn’t help that you were ticklish.
The next take went smoothly. Cillian lifted you on to the desk gently before his hands ran down your back while he kissed you. Your hands caressed his face as he did and the director had to call the cut on the kiss.
You enjoyed it, and to his surprise, so did Cillian. He felt uncomfortable about enjoying kissing you or even spending time with you outside of work. Not only were you a co-worker but you were also much younger than him.
A sense of guilt ran through his mind right after the scene now that he knew your age. Kissing you shouldn’t feel good, it was wrong.
The director was happy with the scene and you hopped back off the table before asking Cillian whether he wanted to have lunch with you.
Little did you know that your lunch date was going to be your last with him for while as Cillian was trying hard to keep his distance from you thereafter.
Birthday Surprise
But this all changed another week later, on your birthday, which was Day 17 of Production.
By that point, filming was getting to you and you were tired and, therefore, declined the offer from Natasha to organise a birthday party for you.
Instead, you and some of the crew and cast went for dinner at a nearby restaurant.
The food was amazing and you spent two hours at the restaurant after a rather long day of filming. By about 8.30pm half of the crew and cast had left and it was only you, Cillian, Emma, Sam and Finn who stayed.
Finn was going to meet some friends at a nearby pub at 9pm and invited you all to join him. Whilst Emma and Sam agreed, you and Cillian weren’t keen and made your way back to the apartment complex.
‘Would you like a glass of wine?’ you blurted out all of a sudden just as you were both getting into the elevator. This question took all of your courage after Cillian had been avoiding to spend time with you.
‘I think the hotel bar is closed already’ Cillian said.
‘Well, as it happens, I am holding a bottle of red wine in my hand’ you said cheekily holding up the birthday present from Natasha.
‘I am not sure Y/N, we have to be up early’ Cillian said.
‘Common, it’s my birthday’ you said convincingly, causing Cillian to laugh.
‘Alright, I suppose why not’ Cillian said as followed you down the hallway.
‘Your place. Emma is determined to pick up a date at the pub’ you laughed.
‘Yeah, I don’t want to be there for that’ Cillian joked as you walked further down the hallway. Your apartments were on the same floor.
You walked into Cillian’s apartment and took off your jacket before sitting down on the small lounge.
Just after Cillian poured two glasses of red wine and sat down next to you, his phone rang.
The display showed ‘Incoming Call from Nadine’ and he turned his phone to silent.
‘You should let me pick it up, it might solve all your problems’ you joked.
‘It just might’ Cillian laughed as he pressed the ‘Ignore’ button and put the phone down.
Just after the short interruption, Cillian and you began to talk about your work, travelling and some other things until he brought up an uncomfortable topic.
‘Do you remember two weeks ago when I tried to talk you into going out with Finn?’ Cillian asked.
‘Yes, Mr Matchmaker, I remember. Why?’ you said.
‘You said that you had your eyes on someone else…who is it?’ Cillian asked with a laugh, causing you to take a deep breath.
‘Oh god, are you still going on with this?’ you said with a laugh. This was the fourth time Cillian had asked you this question since you mentioned it to him.
‘Common, I have been pondering about this for weeks now. Tell me’ Cillian said.
‘No’ you giggled.
‘I promise I won’t tell anyone’ Cillian said.
‘Stop it’ you responded.
‘Alright, I will take a guess’ Cillian said before taking a pause. ‘Harry?’ Cillian asked, causing you to shake your head.
‘Daryl?’ he asked, causing you to shake your head again.
‘I don’t know then. That’s literally everyone who is around your age’ Cillian laughed.
‘Who said he’s around my age?’ you asked, causing Cillian to raise his eyebrow.
‘Paul?’ he then asked, causing you to shake your head again. Was he really that oblivious?
‘Everyone else is married, I think’ Cillian said.
‘You are not’ you said shyly after taking in a deep breath.
‘Me?’ he asked after taking a deep breath while his blue eyes looked at you, full of questions.
Your heart was pounding, your hand shaking again. There was no turning back now.
‘Yes, you’ you said nervously, looking at him almost fearful about his response.
He drew another deep breath while, in his mind, he was thinking about what to say.
‘Y/N, I feel humbled and it’s not that you aren’t a beautiful and smart woman, but I am more than twice your age’ he said.
‘Ignore the age difference for a minute and tell me that you don’t feel the same, that you don’t want me’ you said.
‘It is irrelevant what I feel and what I want, it still doesn’t make it right’ he responded.
‘But, are you attracted to me? It’s a simple question’ you asked nervously and, after drawing another deep breath, Cillian responded.
‘I’ve been trying very hard not to be...unsuccessfully so’ he sighed, causing you to smile.
‘Alright’ you said with the biggest grin on your face.
‘Alright?’ Cillian asked surprised by your response. This didn’t mean that he was going to give into you just like this and ignore his concerns, or did it?
‘So, what do you propose we do now? This will make things very awkward on set’ he said concerned.
‘This’ you said as you leaned in and pressed your lips onto his. His lips were just as soft as the last time you kissed on set, but this time there was an intensity and urgency between you.
He gave into the kiss as if there had never been any doubt and, unlike previous kisses you shared in a professional capacity, this time, when his lips parted, you could feel his tongue slip in between your lips and it wasn’t long until your tongues moved in sync with each other.
The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity and you wanted so much more than taste his lips.
‘This is wrong Y/N’ Cillian said as your lips finally drifted apart.
‘Do you want me to leave?’ you asked, caressing his face, staring at all of the freckles which covered him.
‘No’ he said, earning him a smile from you just as he reached beneath your shirt and pressed his lips back onto yours.
His warm hands ran over the sides of your abdomen, up and down, until he lifted your t-shirt over your head.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen you like this before, but it felt different. His eyes didn’t have to shy away from your breasts and the rest of your body this time.
With his hands cupping your breasts, which were still covered by your black lace bra, the kiss intensified. It became more urgent and more passionate.
Your hands soon found their way beneath Cillian’s t-shirt also and, this time, touching his skin didn’t feel awkward or inappropriate.
Within seconds, his t-shirt landed on the floor next to yours just before Cillian’s fingers had found the clip of your bra.
It didn’t take his skilled fingers long to unclip it and let it join the rest of the clothes which you had already gotten rid of.
He took a moment to look at your breasts, right there in front of him yet again.
‘What’s wrong?’ you asked concerned as you noticed him stare at them.
‘Nothing, just taking in the beautiful view without feeling guilty about it’ Cillian smirked.
‘You checked out my breasts when we were filming, didn’t you?’ you said sheepishly.
‘Of course not’ he said with a laugh before he guided you backwards and down onto your bed.
You both were quick to remove your jeans and, moments later, there you were again, on the bed together wearing nothing but underpants. Just this time, there were no cameras. You were free to touch and kiss each other the way you pleased. It didn’t feel awkward. To the contrary. It felt right.
Hoovering over you again Cillian began to gently kiss your neck while one of his hands ran over your firm breasts. Finally, he was able to touch them, feel every inch of them.
Cillian soon worked his way to the lobe of your ear, playing with it using his tongue. Lightly sucking on it as his hand moved to your other breast, squeezing your nipple gently.
You didn't want this to end, and with a soft moan, you signaled Cillian to continue exploring your body. And so he did. You had never been with a man before, but in the moment, this felt comfortable, felt right.
As he continued to cast his spell on you and work his magic, your body responded. Your lace panties were soaking and your muscles began to vibrate with an unfamiliar feeling.
As Cillian’s lips moved back to your mouth for another passionate kiss, one of his hands wandered further down your body. But he was in no hurry, taking his time explore all of your body.
Cillian’s tongue began to gently drift between your lips and you responded with yours. Your arms wrapped around him, pulling him even closer to you as his hand reached the top of your lace panties.
Pushing your panties aside slightly, he ran his fingers over your wet entrance, slowly and gently while his lips never left yours.
You moaned into the kiss just as the tip of one of his fingers dipped into you slightly.
You took in a deep breath and broke the kiss for a brief moment.
‘Cillian, I never had sex with anyone’ you said, causing him to remove his hand from your wet mound.
‘It’s alright. We won’t go that far until you are ready’ he said reassuringly.
‘That’s so embarrassing, I am sorry’ you said.
‘What is?’ Cillian asked, slightly confused.
‘I am 20, it’s weird don’t you think?’ you said shyly, your face flushed.
‘Don’t be silly Y/N. There is no rush’ Cillian said as he ran his hand over your cheek. ‘If it is any consolation to you, I didn’t expect any of this, tonight, with you and I am enjoying every moment of it even if we don’t have sex’ he added.
‘So am I Cillian’ you smiled.
‘Good’ Cillian said before kissing you again gently.
The kiss soon became heated again but Cillian wasn’t taking it further, giving you the chance to set the pace at which you were willing to move.
But, you enjoyed him playing with you, teasing your most intimate parts and, after several more minutes of passionate kisses, you guided his hand back in between your legs.
Your actions earned you a chuckle from him as his lips moved from your lips down to your breasts slowly.
As Cillian was gently trailing kisses over your breasts, your hand made it’s way in between your bodies where it found the elastic of his Calvin Klein briefs.
Cillian moaned briefly against your breasts as you slipped your hand beneath the elastic, gently taking hold of his erection.
His cock was warm and firm and his tip slightly lubricated from the precum that had pooled there.
You moved your hand up and down his shaft, stroking him gently while his fingers began to circle over your clit, making you moan loudly.
Your panties were getting wetter and wetter with each stroke of his fingers and you were grinding against his hand, wanting more.
You were panting and moaning in pleasure as he kept stimulating you with his fingers, until, all of a sudden, me removed his hand making you squirm in protest.
His mouth soon wandered from your breasts down to your stomach, forcing you to let go of his hard cock.
But, as your body responded beneath his, your mind couldn't catch up to the events unfolding between the two of you.
You surrendered and let him take control and it wasn’t long until his lips had reached the top of your panties.
‘Oh god’ you moaned in anticipation just as Cillian took hold of both sides of your panties before slipping them down.
‘Do you want me to stop?’ he asked, unsure about your reaction.
‘No, please don’t’ you said, your hands falling onto the top of your head.
Admiring the view, Cillian let his fingers run up and down your slit slowly and gently, taking the juices leaking from it and spreading them up to the hood over your clit.
You moaned loudly at the sensation as, suddenly, you could feel Cillian’s tongue join his fingers, playfully darting closer to your opening, but not quite getting there.
‘Cillian, fuck’ you moaned as energy was coursing through your body, wanting to release, but not quite getting there. He apparently had received a masters degree in how to play your body.
Suddenly his tongue was there, licking up the sides of each of your lips. Inspecting the crevices.
Your head began to thrash, your hands flew out and grabbed the bedding.
‘Let me know if I hurt you’ was the next thing you heard but didn’t pay much attention to as you felt one of his fingers enter you.
With the mildest of discomfort, you arched your back while moan after moan left your mouth.
For several minutes, his finger went in and out of you gently while his tongue was licking you, circling over your clit.
He wasn’t sure whether or not to add another finger, but he decided to try his luck after reminding you to tell him if he hurts you in any way.
Moments later, he inserted a second finger while continuing to circle your clit with his tongue.
‘Oh fuck’ you moaned. There was a slight discomfort but it didn’t last very long before you felt nothing but pure pleasure.
Cillian’s fingers began rubbing inside of you as he placed his mouth around the hood of your clit and began to suck.
‘Holy Shit Cillian’ you moaned. You could feel him smile against your mound.
You began to squirm but he would not let up and your body began its final ascent.
Waves of electricity were crashing through you and your hips were grinding and bucking under his direct tutelage as your orgasm washed over you.
You were a shaking mess by the time he was done and, when you finally came down from your high, Cillian moved up and gave you a passionate kiss.
You could taste your juices on his lips and it was possibly the most erotic moment you had ever experienced.
‘Your turn’ you smirked before pushing Cillian onto his back against the stash of pillows.
You comment caused Cillian to chuckle just before you leaned over him to kiss him.
‘You know you don’t have to Y/N. There is no rush’ he said, running his hand over your cheek as your lips drifted apart.
‘But I want to’ you said with determination. ‘I might just need a little guidance’ you said shyly before descending down on his body, trailing gentle kisses over his chest and all the way down to his stomach.
You adored his body, it was perfect. He was the most attractive man you ever met.
As you were gently kissing his stomach, your hands moved beneath the rim of his briefs before pulling them down.
His erection sprung up almost instantly as soon as the briefs cam down and you couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment.
‘I think I will just go for it and you tell me if I do something wrong’ you said with a smile as you pinned back your hair into a bun with the hairband that was wrapped around your wrist.
Your comment made Cillian laugh for a moment until he could feel your warm lips on the tip of his cock, at which point the word ‘fuck’ was all that left his mouth.
Moans soon began to escape him as you used your hands to stroke him, up and down, while the head of his cock lolled uneasily on the top of your tongue.
You took him deeper into your mouth with every stroke and, as the third inch made its way into your mouth, your lips were being stretched.
You soon managed to take him in all the way, although it was a struggle.
‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian moaned as his length disappeared in your mouth.
His comment made you stop and ask whether something was wrong.
‘No, you are doing it perfectly’ Cillian reassured you just before you returned your attention to his very hard cock.
By this time precum had pooled on the tip as you took him back into your mouth. It tasted sweet but yet salty at the same time.
Your tongue began circling around him and then up and down his shaft before returning to the bopping motions.
Cillian leaned back and relaxed as you improved your technique minute by minute.
Each stroke of your tongue was now driving him crazy.
Looking up at him occasionally, you could see that he was enjoying whatever you were doing.
Your tongue was moving like a snake, coating every inch of his velvety soft, yet hard cock with a fine patina of sweet, warm saliva.
It wasn’t long until you could feel Cillian’s cock throb inside your mouth and his breathing was becoming laboured.
His hand was tangled up inside your hair as you continued to bop your head up and down firmly.
‘Y/N, I am close, you might want to stop’ Cillian said, trying hard to hold back.
‘Come in my mouth’ you said confidently before you continued your movements.
Your comment caught Cillian by surprise but he didn’t dare to argue and let go.
Just as your mouth bopped down on his hard shaft again, you could feel him pulsate inside your mouth and, with one loud groan, his warm cum spurted on the back of your tongue.
You continued to bop your head and collect all of his cum until he began to relax.
‘Did you just?’ Cillian asked, and before he could finish his question, you interrupted.
‘Swallow? Yes, what else do you normally do with it?’ you asked with a smirk.
‘I hate sleeping on dirty sheets and I was planning to stay the night, so that seemed like the best option’ you laughed before laid beside Cillian, his arms gently wrapping around you.
‘Hey, I am not complaining’ he laughed as he ran his hands gently over your arms.
‘Didn’t think so’ you said before kissing him again gently.
You fell asleep pretty soon afterwards, curled up against Cillian’s chest.
You both slept well and deep until, at 6am, Cillian’s alarm went off.
‘Oh goddam, what’s the time?’ you asked.
‘6am, why?’ Cillian said as you jumped out of the bed and collected your clothes, trying to put them on as quickly as you can.
‘Y/N, we don’t have a scene until 7am. There is plenty of time’ he said.
‘Yes, but Emma starts at 6.30am. She will notice me not being there’ you explained.
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iii. Hushed conversation in-between kisses
An autumn drizzle poured onto the Akhrosimova house from the dimmed grey skies above the construct. Not an ounce of blue skies could be seen behind the blanket of clouds that crowded above but there was some sunlight poking through the thinner layers of clouds. It was a brightness not suited for reading without a light on in one’s room but it was enough to reveal a person’s features should find themselves seated by a window to watch the shower. The occasional rickety sounds of a carriage passing by the estate would interrupt the peace of the place but as soon as it was gone, the silence came down heavy, save for the pattering of the rain.
Dressed in nothing but loosened corsets, Hélène Kuragina and Marya Dmitrievna sat opposite one another upon a window seat, leaning on either side of the wall. There they sat not as a countess or grand dame but as two simple women stripped of their expensive lives. Silks, pearls, gems and cloth had been discarded on the floor by the red velvet bed, not forgotten but abandoned for this very moment. Secretly, they enjoyed this lifestyle. One kept behind a locked door. They did not have to cover the lipstick stains that colored their skin where they were not meant to be or redo their hair that was out of their usual styles or even address one another with their society’s formalities. They were free to be who they wanted to be but only behind the two grand doors that hid them away from the prying eyes of society.
Neither spoke. There was a conversation that came and went but it had been pause as they relished in the silence and in each other’s company, but their attentions were diverted. Hélène found the rain fascinating to stare at, or perhaps it was a thought that had distracted her as she gazed at the glazed window. As for Marya, her attention wavered from the cigarette between her index and middle finger to Hélène. The woman was truly enchanting. Even when she did not have a face full of make-up or pearls around that exquisite neck, she was a sight to marvel. Bare neck littered with kisses, gorgeous brunette curls that pooled down her shoulders, a leg dangling off the seat and one brought to her chest, and a faraway look. Lords, it was hard to tear her eyes away from one so angelic. Wordlessly, Marya tapped Hélène’s knee and held out the cigarette which was taken out of her hand rather quickly.
Hélène took a long drag from the cigarette that had been passed over to her, her chest rising slowly as she inhaled until she could no more. She only removed the bud from her lips to exhale, lowering her head so that it did not bother the woman who sat opposite her upon the window seat. Her wine glass was dry of its contents for a third time, and it was left untouched despite the evidently unfinished bottle of wine sat beside it. Her eyes were now lowered to stare at her feet instead of the window and lazily, she took another swig of bitter smoke.
Marya was not certain if these were signs to be wary of. She was not done with her second glass as her concern for the brunette refrained her from taking another sip to a hazy state of mind.
Hélène had proven herself to be an unreadable woman and it was all thanks to the man she called her father. Marya reserved no praises for that monster of a man for turning his own daughter to a delicately carved marble sculpture. She was fragile as she was cold and beautiful. One nudge would send her toppling over from the stand she had been built on. Marya hated that she could never figure the Kuragina out. Though, she knew what it was that was haunting her at this very moment. The conversation resumed from where they had stopped it.
“There’s nothing left to do,” Marya spoke up.
“I don’t need a reminder, Masha.” Hélène’s voice was raspy from the mixture of nicotine and alcohol, but it was clear with hurt. From the way she frowned, it showed she had not meant to let slip of the emotion.
“I know… I’m sorry.” Marya D. never apologized but somewhere inside her felt obliged to.
Shaking her head, Hélène scowled. “Why are you apologizing? It should be my parents, not you. You’ve never done anything wrong.”
Marya sighed and she plucked the remainder of the cigarette from Hélène’s fingertips to stop her. “I have no way to help you, Hélène.”
“Your company is enough, you know that. I don’t ask much from you, do I?” Hélène lifted her eyes to meet Marya’s grey hues. Her brown ones were so hollow.
“You don’t.”
“Then I don’t see why you should apologize for having nothing to offer when you’re always giving me what I need.”
“Could Pierre not offer the same?”
Hélène let out a harsh laugh. “No- I… I don’t want to be around him. His company is worthless to me. When I’m with him, I feel lonelier.”
“But”-
“He’s my husband by law, not by will. It’s only a term to officiate a person’s place in a marriage as is the term ‘wife’. I’m sure you understand,” Hélène scoffed.
Then Hélène turned away again. Something stung at the tip of her tongue to be said, Marya could tell based on the way Hélène moved and responded to her hesitation. The twitch of her lips, her blank wide-eyed fixation on nothing in particular and how she brought her hands together in deep contemplation. Why she was so cautious of her words in front of Marya, she could not find the answer. Hélène had always been a vocal one in society and crowds. Why could she not speak to a single individual who had much lesser significance?
Reaching over, Hélène picked up the bottle of wine and tipped her head to take a large gulp. Marya would have assumed that it was an attempt to flush out her feelings and the question that had been plaguing her. It was not uncommon of Hélène to avoid such a sensitive topic but after another gulp or two, Marya was met with the sight of solemn eyes and flushed cheeks. The drink had been intended to break down her walls and to wash away any regret that would creep up on her for asking such a question.
She trusted Marya to see her in vulnerability and God, did she have so much of hope that the woman would not let her fall and shatter like so many people had in her years of living. For one so young, she was already worn and ruined. Here she was exposed in front of Marya. Marya was truly a sight for sore eyes. Even with a face bare of make-up, her youth came from her own features. Soft pale skin, eyes that glittered underneath any source of light and red lips that complemented her complexion. And Hélène? Behind the make-up were tired eyes with dark rims of exhaustion, freckled cheeks kissed by the sun (tainted imperfection, her father once pointed out) and lips chapped from neglect and alcohol. She did not have half of what Marya did and it made her feel so small.
Hélène contemplated for a moment and with a trembling breath, she whispered, “Will you still love me, Marya?”
Bafflement was an understatement when Marya caught her words and quite unsure with herself, she inched closer to Hélène. “I-I beg your pardon?”
“Will you still love me in the years to come? That is if you even love me now… Masha, I need to know this, please,” Hélène implored as she slumped against the wall hopelessly.
“I do love you, my dear… And I will always. Maybe even more so since I can’t have you.”
“Really? Even if I were to bear his child?”
Marya snorted but not rudely, just light-heartedly. “Is this the same Elena I’ve been speaking to for years?” That made Hélène laugh lightly. “You would never carry a child. You’ve said it yourself.”
“I know but… If it ever happens, will you still love me?”
“You and the child, both, Lena... Now, will you stop worrying about the future? It’s not like you to be so worried.”
Hélène pointed a finger at Marya accusatorily. “That is where you’re wrong… I’m always worrying.”
“Well, you shouldn’t.” Marya tossed the burning cigarette into her wine glass then held her arms out to Hélène. “Come here.”
Hélène crawled over to Marya and slid right onto her lap. Her arms moved to wrap around her neck while her legs clung on to her waist in a secured hug. Her head came to rest on Marya’s shoulder and her hands carefully brushed the locks of fiery red hair away to tuck behind the other woman’s ear. Marya enveloped Hélène in her arms and pressed a long affectionate kiss upon the crown of her head.
Over the smell of tobacco and wine, Marya could smell the perfume that Hélène wore. It was the same scent that would linger on her side of the bed every time she woke up to find that Hélène had gone home… Back to her husband that she did not love. Hélène had no such luxury of waking up to a reminder that she was not alone in the safety of her own home. Much less a place she could confidently call home. The Bezukhov household held no such title.
In just a few moments, maybe a few minutes or hours, Hélène would have to return to that forsaken building to face her intoxicated husband. She could hold her alcohol but that man had no existing ability. Hélène was aware of his temper but Marya was not. It would be horrible to tell Marya just how horrid her old friend could be when she spoke so highly of him… Maybe one day when she was not in the state of mind to over-evaluate herself. The thought of having to return soon made Hélène clutch onto Marya tighter, as if for dear life, and she buried her face in her shoulder so deeply, she might just vanish into the older woman’s embrace.
“Masha, I don’t want to lose you…”
“Nonsense. What makes you think you will?”
“I don’t know… Your reputation? Your place in society. Your honor.”
Tutting softly, Marya pulled away from Hélène to lift her head up gently by her chin. “Lena, dearest. I love you… I love you with all my heart. My honor and place will never last anyway.”
“But you’ll be sent to your ruin.”
“And you won’t?”
A pause. “I’m… I’m already ruined.”
“There’s always a way to restore yourself. But putting society aside… My dear, I don’t love you as the Grand Dame of Moscow. Even if I lost my title, I would still love you all the same.”
“But”-
Before Hélène could finish her sentence, Marya pressed a kiss to her lips to silence her. Hélène, without protest, melted into the kiss and eased her shoulders to slouch against Marya. They pulled away for a breath and Hélène connected their foreheads, a hand coming to rest on Marya’s cheek. To misspend their last moments together for the day stressing their heads off was not ideal. It was not that Marya did not wish to acknowledge Hélène’s feelings. It was the fact that she did not want Hélène to return home with dread weighing on her, and there was a chance that this could be the very last time they saw each other until a few months. Neither would want to reminisce their final moments together that had been wasted away in sadness.
“No more worrying, okay?” Marya murmured as she planted another kiss on her lips.
“No more,” Hélène agreed and she gave Marya a small peck on the lips. “I love you, ma belle.”
And another kiss. “I love you too, my dear.”
“Will you write to me…?”
Marya smiled and nodded. “Of course. I’d love nothing more.”
Hélène beamed at Marya and gave her a loving kiss. The first genuine smile of the evening. “I’ll write back as soon as I receive your letters.”
“You’d better.”
“Is that a threat, Akhrosimova?” Hélène’s lips brushed against Marya’s and they quirked up into a drunken grin.
Marya rolled her eyes but leaned in to kiss Hélène again. “Perhaps.”
“Ooh~ Feisty.”
After exchanging many more kisses and holding onto one another for what seemed like hours, Hélène left the Akhrosimova household with a sweet smile and a new found sense of hope that had blossomed in her. Marya prayed to God above that no harm would ever come to the Kuragina. Seeing her so happy sparked so much of joy within the older woman and oh what she would give to always see that pure smile upon Hélène’s beautiful feature.
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