#I FUCKING FORGOT THE LAST THREE PAGES LAST TIME I POSTED...

[wormfolk]

a conversation I had with a woman that struck me

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#zine #comic #minicomic #punk #my art #my comics #I FUCKING FORGOT THE LAST THREE PAGES LAST TIME I POSTED...

[dreamofbecoming]

yeah alright this got away from me. posting in pieces, part one is just stobin, no shippy stuff. steddie and rockie to follow. i'll drop it on ao3 once all 3 parts are done

now on ao3!

platonic stobin

rating: t

wc: 3.5k

---

Robin stopped being surprised by Steve Harrington showing up at her bedroom window months ago. Jesus, there's a sentence her 16 year old self wouldn't fucking believe for a second. The Hair, climbing up the trellis her dad built for the roses her mom planted and then forgot about three months later? Yeah right, as if. But it turns out alternate dimensions and sci-fi movie monsters and Russian conspiracies in Bumfuck, Nowhere, USA are all real, so how surprising really is The King himself, collapsing through her window with all the grace of a baby giraffe, out of breath like he- holy shit, did he fucking run here?

"Dingus, did you run here? What the hell?"

"Had to- hang on, Jesus. Holy shit." He bends over, hands on his knees, panting like he just ran a marathon. Which, she guesses, he almost did.

"You have a car, you lunatic, what could possibly be so important?"

"Didn't think about it. Had to get here."

"Is someone dead?!" Oh fuck, Is the Upside Down back? Oh shit, oh no, it can't be back, right? Superhero girl closed the gates! Right?! Oh god, oh no, oh fuck, it's back, the Russians are back, they realized they couldn't let her live after what she's seen, her parents will never even know what happened to her, and they'll kill Dingus too, and dorky little Henderson, and that menace Erica, oh god, they're gonna die, and Hopper's gone and superhero girl is far away and she doesn't have superpowers anymore anyway, which is frankly bogus because what the hell, Robin never even got to hang out with a real live magic person before, which, ok, that's a selfish thought, but that's ok, we can think selfish thoughts and then set them aside and not act on them, thoughts are not actions, thoughts happen all the time without our consent, they don't determine our character-

"Bobs, you're spiraling. Nothing bad happened, I just realized something and I freaked out and I had to talk to you right away. Forgot to call. Sorry, I should have called. Ran straight out of the house. I don't even think my shoes match, what the fuck?"

She's gonna kill him, she really is.

She loves him so much.

"Jesus, you're insane. Sit, you absolute dweeb. I'm getting you some water, when I get back you can tell me what the hell is going on."

He's sitting on her bed when she gets back upstairs, staring at something in his hands. Christ, his hands are shaking. What the fuck, Dingus?

He takes the water and downs it in one go- ugh, sports guys- then flops onto his back and covers his eyes with a miserable groan.

"I know we've got the whole twin telepathy thing going on, bubba, but I'm gonna need at least a little bit to work with here. Give me something. Is it your parents? The kids? Uh, what was her name? From Thursday? Janice?"

"Janine, and no. Ugh. Here." The arm not covering his eyes flops out towards her, holding- ah. A zine. He had promised to drive up to Indy last weekend to the secret bookshop she told him about and get her some new ones, even though she couldn't go with him because her cousin Randy got caught cheating on his fiancée and her parents made her come with the rest of the family to help him move. Fucking Randy. Maybe he should make better choices, so the rest of them wouldn't have to clean up his messes. Jerk.

Anyway.

"Marked the page." Which, yep, there's a purple paper clip stuck to a page near the middle, because Steve knows how much she hates people who dogear books, even books that aren't really books at all, so he's been training himself out of it, because he's sort of the best. Again, 16 year old Robin would have her committed for thinking that, but here we are.

The pamphlet isn't one of the periodicals she sent him for, so he must have picked it up on his own. It looks handmade, just some folded sheets that look like they came out of a typewriter, bound with the kind of twine you can buy at the hardware store. It's called Awakenings. The page he's marked looks like a personal essay, no title, no real signature, just a pair of initials at the end of the page and a half of writing. She starts reading, trying to figure out what the hell spooked Steve so bad.

"I've always been normal. I've always had crushes on men, just like the other girls. There was never a feeling of "I'm different," or "Oh, this is wrong." There was never anything to think very hard about. I'd giggle and blush when the boys looked over at us on the playground, same as everyone else. Later on when I was older I looked at my poster of Harrison Ford, shirtless and hairy and sweating, and I touched myself, and it felt good, just like it was supposed to. I didn't mind thinking of my future husband, and our future kids, and the pretty house with the pretty garden we'd have, just like my parents have, just like they wanted for me. I was normal. Everything was fine.

I thought everything about me was normal. So I didn't understand why the other girls at sleepover parties would giggle and stop and say "Ew, gross!" when we practiced kissing. It felt nice! I wanted to keep going! But it seemed like no one else did. I didn't understand why none of them talked about getting butterflies in their stomach when Laura, who was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, transferred in our senior year, why they seemed so angry at her. Those butterflies were what jealousy felt like, right? So why did the other girls seem to feel so different?

I made my first lesbian friend in college, on the very first day, right across the hall in my dorm. We sat next to each other at Orientation and I thought I'd never have another best friend that wonderful in my whole life, so I'd hold on to her with everything I had. She came out to me the night before Christmas break, hiding under the blankets in my dorm room with the twinkling lights glowing. She was so scared. I held her and told her I loved her no matter what, and she seemed so glad, to have someone to talk to.

When she talked about falling in love with girls, I was so confused. The way she described it sounded like what it felt like to have girlfriends, I was sure. I felt that all the time. I asked her if she was sure she was gay, and she looked so shocked and angry and hurt, and I didn't know how to fix it, so I tried to explain. That what she felt couldn't be liking girls, because I felt that too, and I was normal. I liked boys, so I couldn't be gay. I couldn't be.

I'm glad it was her I said all that to. If someone else had told me about being bisexual, I think I would have hated them. I would have cried, and screamed, and said horrible things. Because I wasn't gay, I was normal, and it was so scary to think that might be a lie. Thank God it was her, my best friend in the world, who I never want to lose. Thank God I listened.

Because I'm not normal. I'm queer. I like men, and I like women. I can love them both the same, but it doesn't matter anymore, because I love her. I love her, and she loves me, and I don't need to be normal anymore."

Robin's face feels wet, which probably means she's crying. She cries a lot, reading these sorts of stories, in the zines she has to keep hidden under her bed, or, these days, at Steve's house. It's never going to be her, she knows. Not here in Hawkins, but it still makes something ache deep inside her, like pressing on a bruise, but in a good way, seeing love happen to other people. People like her. Seeing that it can.

"So?"

Oh shit. Right, Dingus. They're about him right now. Something about this essay in particular freaked him out.

"Uh. It's. A nice essay? I'm glad things worked out for them?"

Stevie lets out a pathetic whine, sort of like back at Scoops when he earned a particularly bad tally on the You Suck board. "Robbiiiiiiieeeee!"

"I'm sorry! I think I'm missing something, what's wrong with this essay? I don't get it, bubba, I'm sorry. I need some context." She does feel bad. Usually she can pluck whatever's bothering him right out of his brain and into the light, where it almost never looks as bad, but she's at a loss right now.

He's got both hands over his face again, and his response is so muffled she can't make out a word.

"Try again in human sounds, please."

"Ugh! I thought everyone felt like that!"

Huh? "Felt like...what, exactly?"

"Like that!" He flails wildly at the pamphlet in her hands. He's sitting up now, hair all askew from tugging at it, and there's a vaguely worrying crazed look in his eye, like right before he tackled that guard. "Like kissing boys and girls both feel nice, and like seeing a handsome guy and feeling jealous of him makes my stomach flutter, and like having friends feels the same as having crushes! I thought that was just how everyone felt all the time!"

Oh.

Oh.

Oh no.

Poor Dingus! No wonder he panicked and ran here like a crazy person!

"Stevie, can I hug you? Please?" She's not much for physical touch most of the time, but Steve is, and also she's found in the last few months that she doesn't mind so much when it's him. She sort of understands why other people like hugs so much, if they always feel like hugging Steve feels for her. And she really thinks he needs to be hugged, right now.

He nods miserably. She drapes her arms around his shoulders and holds on as tight as she can, hauling him sideways until he's practically laying down on her. He clutches her back and buries his face in her shoulder. She can feel her neck getting wet with tears, a sensation that would normally make her want to claw off her own skin, but this isn't about her. Dingus needs her.

"It's ok, bubba. I'm so sorry. I know how scary this is. When I first figured out I had a crush on Linda Sanderson I cried so hard I threw up, you know? I get it. It's gonna be ok, I promise. We'll make it ok. We faced down evil Russians and giant meat monsters, what's a little sexuality crisis, huh? We got this! We're the goddamn Wonder Twins!"

He snorts at that, which she's pretty sure leaves snot on her neck, which. Ew. Still. Problems for Later Robin.

"We are not, Will and El are the Wonder Twins."

"Uh, nope, no chance, I barely even met them so therefore I am vetoing their application. Sorry kiddos, better luck next time! Find your own nickname, losers!"

Steve sits back, laughing, and she preens a little at being able to bring him back from the brink so easily. She loves him so much she feels like she's glowing with it, sometimes. It almost makes her wish she was straight, because what girl is she ever going to find who loves her this much? But only almost, because. Well. Girls, amiright? Phew.

"So what now, Stevie? You wanna say it out loud? That helps, sometimes. You wanna not say it out loud? You wanna go to a gay bar and find you a boy? You wanna never think about it again? It's totally your call."

"Say it out loud, huh?"

"Hm. It took me like a month, and then the first time I could only say it sitting in the back of my closet with the bedroom door locked and the closet door closed, and I could only whisper it. Just "I'm a lesbian," to myself, like the world's most ironic little goblin. And I had to throw up again after. But it did feel good, once I rinsed my mouth out, anyway. Cleansing, you know? And it gets easier every time." Steve's eyebrows are raised and he's chuckling again, so that's a win. She's not lying, but it is sort of funny, she supposes. In hindsight, anyway.

"Ok. Ok, I can do that. I think. Yeah, I can do that."

She's so proud of him. He's the bravest person she's ever met, she thinks. "You wanna get in the closet?"

"Isn't the whole point to come out of the closet, Robs?" He's smirking at her. Bastard. She whacks him in the shoulder on principle. He may be having a crisis, but he's still a jackass. Her favorite jackass in the whole world, but still.

"Har har, you're a regular Bob Hope. Alright then, bigshot, let's hear it."

A little of that fear creeps back onto his face, and she wishes she could wipe it off, but that's not how this works. They can't make the scary things less scary. He couldn't make the Russians less terrifying, but he could hold her hand and make her laugh and carry some of that fear with her. She can do that for him now, too.

She grabs his hand, and he clutches back tightly. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm...fuck. Ok. Ok, I can do this. I'm...bisexual." The air leaves him in a big whoosh, and he laughs a little. "Yeah, ok, fuck. I'm bisexual. Holy shit, Robbie, I'm bisexual!"

"Hell yeah you are!" She's grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. She's so fucking proud of him.

He's laughing again, a little hysterically, and he hugs her tight again, and she holds him back just as close and thinks oh, he's like me. I'm not alone. I have Steve, and he's like me, and he's mine forever and ever.

When they separate, she looks at him seriously.

"So do you, like, want this to be a thing? Because we can totally make it a thing, and like, get me a fake ID and go to a gay bar and do all kinds of wild shit if you want, but we don't have to, you know? If you need to just, like. Digest this, for a while. It's totally up to you, I just know it took me a while to feel ok with it, and I have no idea if it's different for you but I just want to be what you need, you know? You've been so good with me, and I've never had a queer friend before, so I don't know how, but I want to be just as good to you. You're my Dingus and I love you and I don't know how much of a gay guru I can be on account of, you know, I've never met any gay people besides me and the pretty lady at the bookstore but I couldn't even get real human words to come out of my mouth when I tried to talk to her so I don't think that counts, you know? But I still wanna help! Let me help!"

"Bobbie! Bobbie breathe, you're gonna pass out. I don't think I need a gay guru, I just need a gay best friend, and I have that, so I promise I'm good, ok? Promise. Also I love you too.”

She takes a deep breath, following his lead the way they worked out in the horrible days after Starcourt, when she couldn't sleep without him next to her, warm and alive and breathing, and even then she would wake up in the night with her breath coming short and her vision tunneling and Steve would hold her hand against his chest and breathe slowly, in and out, until she could follow him, and the world wasn't so terrible and scary and loud anymore.

She still thinks about that awful hour underground, thinking she was strapped to the corpse of a boy she never let become her friend, but Steve is always there now when she needs him, and he never complains when she grabs his wrist or puts her head on his chest to make absolutely sure that big, stupid heart is still beating.

When she's breathing normally again, he drops their joined hands down between them, toying idly with the chain linking her ring to her bracelet. "I think...I think I'm glad I said it, and I'm glad we talked about it, but can we maybe just...put it away, for a while? Like it's not...ugh. I guess this is kind of shitty to say, so like, hit me if you want, I guess, but I kind of don't think it matters right now?"

"No no, that makes perfect sense! Like, you still like girls, right?" He nods. "And you don't like. Have a crush on any boys right now. Or do you? Oh man if you do you have to tell me though, it's platonic soulmate law. It's in the bylaws, Steve, don't make me soulmate fine you!"

He laughs and shoves her face away. "Jesus, Rob, no! I don't have a crush on any guys, who would I even crush on in this town? We're not exactly swimming in eligible bachelors. I don't have a crush on anybody at all, I'd tell you, I swear. I know the rules!"

"Oh phew, good. You have to tell me when you do, though, I'm way excited to get you back for making fun of Tammy."

"It was the God's honest truth, Bobbie! She sings like a muppet!"

"Oh my god, shut up, Dingus! Ugh! As I was saying, you super duper have to tell me when you do, but for now, I think maybe you don't have to think about it really at all if you don't want. I mean, practically speaking, it's not really relevant to your everyday life, so we can totally revisit when that changes, but you don't have to like. Join a pride parade tomorrow, you know? You are you who are no matter what. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, especially not to me, not ever."

He leans his head on her shoulder, and she scritches her nails through his hair. It really has no right being as soft as it is, with the amount of hairspray he uses. It's frankly rude, is what it is.

"Thanks, Bobs. I think I'm just gonna put it away for now. It just...another thing to know about me, you know? Like, I'm bad at fighting people but good at fighting monsters, all my best friends are kids except you, I'm bi but it doesn't matter because there aren't any boys to date in Hawkins anyway. Plus my dad would kill me if he found out. Like actually kill me, not "oh geez I missed curfew, my dad's gonna kill me" type kill me, like I think he'd actually try and beat me to death. So there's really no reason to talk about it right now, you know?"

There's a pit of ice in her stomach, and she tightens her arm around him like she can keep him safe just by holding on tight enough. She hates how casually he said that, just like she hates how casually he always talks about how his parents treat him, like he honestly believes it's normal. "Jesus, Dingus. You know you can come here if you need, right? My parents love you, they already think we're getting married. They'd make you sleep in the guest room, but I could sneak you in here easy."

He snorts again. "We're totally gonna end up married for tax reasons anyway, we're never beating the rumors." That makes her snort, too. He's not wrong, though. She isn't going to be allowed to have a wife anytime soon, and if she has to choose someone to be her next of kin, it's always gonna be him. They're planning to move in together when she goes to school next year anyway. No one is ever gonna believe them that they aren't dating, but that's...fine. Honestly, there are worse things. Better to have Steve by her side than not, and if no one else understands them, well, they understand each other, don't they? That's more than enough.

"Yeah, I know I can come here if I need, Robs. It's fine mostly, I swear. They're not home until Christmas anyway."

He takes another deep breath, like he's settling himself. "I'm just glad we talked about it. I feel better now."

She cards her fingers through his hair again, basking in the feeling of her favorite person so close, and so content. "I'm glad, Dingus."

They're alive, and they're together, and they're queer, and neither of them is ever going to have to be alone again.

"Hang on, did you say you've kissed girls and boys?!"

part 2 part 3

#stranger things #platonic stobin #steve harrington & robin buckley #steve harrington #robin buckley #bisexual steve harrington #steve's bi awakening #my writing #robin calls steve bubba and steve calls her bobbie and i will die on both those hills #you can pry their weird nicknames from my cold dead hands #autistic robin buckley #it’s subtle but it’s there and it’s important to me #also her parents are therapists i’m sure of it

[threewaywithdelusion]

I Forgot What I Called This on AO3 (Stranger Things Fanfiction)

Because AO3 is down and I'm posting my fanfic over here for people to read. If you search "Mia writes fanfic" on my page, you can see all the fic I've posted here

Steve had been getting things ready for the kids all week and they were arriving tomorrow morning and he definitely wasn’t losing his mind. Robin had called him a mother hen three times already and had taken to just smiling fondly and rolling her eyes as Steve moved the couch for the twelfth time, trying to make sure Max’s wheelchair would fit through the tight space. 

“It’ll be fine, Dingus,” she said for the millionth time. “The kids love you and they’re going to keep on loving you even if you don’t move our coffee table three inches to the left.”

Steve scowled. “You say that, but if Max hits the table Lucas is going to bite my head off. And Dustin will say something about how if I’d paid more attention in math or physics or wherever the hell you learn this stuff, I would have known to move the table three inches to the left. And then-“

“And then nothing!” Robin said. She set her glass of wine down on the floor — Steve winced, knowing she was going to trip over it later — and came over to take his hands. “They’ll still love you exactly the same. They’re your kids.”

“I haven’t seen them since Christmas!” Steve said. 

Robin gave him a fond look. “It’s been three months, Steve. They haven’t forgotten you in that time. Now sit down with me before you give yourself gray hairs and ruin that pretty head of yours.”

Steve took a deep breath and followed Robin to the newly-relocated sofa, picking up her glass of wine and handing it to her moments before she could kick it. 

Steve picked up his own glass of wine, which he’d barely touched. 

“To our last moments of peace and quiet,” Robin said. 

Steve knocked his glass against hers.

***

The kids looked so grown-up. 

Lucas was insanely tall and he looked like a proper, put-together adult, pushing Max’s wheelchair with one hand and carrying two duffel bags on his shoulder. He’d clearly been working out and his clothes were a little trendier than what he used to wear. He was the only one of the three to have already turned eighteen, and Steve couldn’t believe how quickly he was growing up. 

Max also looked completely different from the kid Steve had first met. There were the things strangers noticed about her first — the milky-white eyes she refused to hide behind sunglasses, even when the lights gave her headaches, and the wheelchair — but she’d also cut most off that long red hair off. She had a short cut which she’d spiked up with hair gel and Farrah Fawcett hairspray — Steve had taught her how to do it, over a year ago — and it made her look badass and alternative and like she was comfortable with herself. 

Dustin still wore his nerdy baseball cap, but his curls had grown out past his shoulders — an homage to Eddie — and still wore a nerdy shirt with a button up over it. Of all the kids, he looked the most the same, the most like the thirteen-year-old who had dragged Steve into his life with a hunt for a missing demodog. 

Steve loved them all so much. 

He ran towards them, ignoring Robin’s “they’re walking this way anyway!” and immediately pulled Dustin into a hug. Dustin dropped his suitcase to return it, holding Steve tightly and already chattering away. 

They rocked from side to side for a moment. 

“I thought California was supposed to make you tan, but you look the same,” Dustin said. 

Steve gave a watery laugh and pulled out of the hug. “I missed you too, you dick.”

“Is Steve crying?” Max asked. 

“No!” Steve protested. 

Max raised her eyebrows judgmentally. “Are you lying to the blind girl?”

Lucas grinned, leaning on the back of her wheelchair. “Not cool, Steve.”

Steve stepped around Dustin and Lucas came over to give Steve a hug. God he was so fucking tall. 

Behind him, Steve could hear Robin greeting Dustin. 

Steve bent down to give Max a hug too. She squeezed him, then traced over his head before letting him pull back. 

“Did you cut your hair?” she asked. 

“A bit,” Steve told her. “There’s a longer floppy bit in the front, but it’s shorter all around.”

Max tilted her head. “Does it look good?”

“Of course!” Steve scoffed, right as Lucas said “eh.”

Steve snapped his fingers at Lucas. “You’re dead to me, Sinclair.”

“So your hair got worse and you’re pasty, Steve?” Max teased. “What have you been doing out here?”

“I’ll have you know that I look amazing,” Steve told her. “Lucas and Dustin are just liars.”

“You are pasty!” Dustin protested. 

“It’s okay, I don’t have to see it,” Max said. She put a hand over her heart. “I’ll always remember you fondly, the way you looked on Lovers Lake.”

Steve grinned. He’d heard this story many times over the years and he always loved it, even though the details tended to change depending on whether Max, Lucas, or Dustin was telling it.

Lucas scowled. “Forget him! You should remember how hot I looked!”

Max reached behind her and Lucas put his hand where she could find it just so that she could pat it condescendingly. “I remember, baby. You looked great for fifteen.”

Lucas made a sound of indignation, but he was smiling fondly as he picked Max’s hand up and kissed it. 

Dustin groaned. “I’ve been third-wheeling them the whole way here. Please tell me I don’t have to share a room with them.”

“We’re not that bad,” Lucas protested.

At the same time, Max said, “You’re just jealous because you don’t see Suzie until Wednesday.”

“You don’t have to share a room,” Steve said. “Robin and I are taking her room, Lucas and Max are taking my room, and Dustin, you get the couch.”

“Why do I get stuck with the couch?” Dustin asked. 

“Because you’re only here for four days,” Steve said. 

“Yeah, Steve’s jealous that you don’t like him as much as Suzie,” Robin teased. “You’re breaking his heart, Dusty-Bun.”

“That is not true!” Steve protested. 

“So does this mean you two are finally…” Dustin directed at Steve and Robin, eyebrows waggling. 

Steve groaned. “No, Dustin. Never going to happen. Come on, let’s get going.”

He grabbed both of the duffels Lucas had been carrying so Lucas could use both hands to push Max. 

“Why would we be paying rent for a two-bedroom in San Francisco if we were together,” Robin asked Dustin. “Have you seen rent prices around here? Cause I could probably sell a kidney for less than an apartment.”

Dustin got a thoughtful look on his face. Steve wasn’t optimistic that Dustin would give up if he hadn’t in the past four years, but he watched as Robin walked with him, trying (hopelessly) to talk him out of it. 

“What about Robin?” Max asked. 

Steve didn’t answer at first, assuming she was talking to Lucas, until she poked him in the thigh. 

“What?”

“Does Robin look hot?”

Steve groaned. “Not you too, Mayfield.”

“Come on, Steve, you have to tell me.”

“Her hair is a bit longer and the tips are blue,” Steve said. 

Max huffed. “Thank you for that being completely unhelpful. Do you even like girls? That was the lamest description I’ve ever heard.”

Steve sputtered. 

“Yeah, she looks hot,” Lucas said. 

Steve shot him a look, trying to warn him that when your girlfriend asked if another woman was hot, it was always a trick question. You should never, ever answer with a yes.

If Max and Lucas broke up again right before staying with him for a week, Steve was going to lose his mind. 

“Thank you, Lucas!” Max said, sounding triumphant. “That’s how it’s done.”

Steve blinked, first at Max, then at Lucas. 

He would never have gotten away with saying that to Nancy or Debbie or any of the girls he’d dated. Hell, the only woman he would say that to was Robin, and that was because she had equal interest in pretty women. 

Lucas gave Steve a little smile that Steve couldn’t interpret. 

Steve gave up. 

“Whatever is going on between you two, just know that I promised Mrs. Sinclair multiple times that you wouldn’t be in the same room. So if anyone asks, Dustin bunked with Lucas and Max stayed with Robin while I took the couch.”

“How noble of you,” Dustin shouted back, the little eavesdropper. “To take the uncomfortable couch instead of forcing it on your unsuspecting guests!”

Steve flipped him off. 

“We’re not stupid,” Max said. “We know how to lie our asses off.”

“And I don’t want to hear any noises!” Steve added. “I don’t care what you do in there, but for the love of god, don’t make me hear it!”

Lucas made a horrified face. “Man, please stop talking.”

Steve was also blushing, but he forged on. “Last thing, I promise. I’m hating this just as much as you are.”

“I doubt that,” Max muttered.

Steve’s face was burning. “There are condoms in the bedside table,” he told the floor. 

There was no response. Steve risked a peek at the kids and saw that they both looked vaguely traumatized and bright red. 

Robin and Dustin, who had stopped by the car, watched as the three of them approached. 

Robin took one look at Steve’s face and cackled. “Did he give you the safe sex talk?”

Dustin groaned. 

Robin looked gleeful. She patted Dustin’s arm as she leaned in, pretending to whisper while talking loud as fuck. “Don’t be jealous, Dusty-Bun,” she teased. “Steve also bought you condoms to take to Utah.”

She and Max burst out laughing while Dustin turned to Steve with a look of horrified betrayal. 

Steve pinched his nose. “Everybody get in the car or I’m leaving without you.”

***

Of course it didn’t matter how much Steve had fretted about preparing everything just right, because disaster struck just as they were getting ready to leave for their dinner reservations that night. 

Max accidentally hit the end table. Steve watched in what felt like slow-motion as Robin’s half-full wine glass from the night before teetered off the side and into his lap, soaking his jeans. 

He cursed at the huge red wine stain in his lap. 

“Whoops,” Max said. 

“Robin!” Steve hissed. 

“Sorry!” Robin said. “I forgot I left the wine glass there. But like, in my defense, if the end table had been in its usual place or the couch had been in its usual place or you hadn’t rearranged literally all of our furniture, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“So it’s my fault?” Steve asked, pouting at her. 

She was unmoved by his puppy-dog eyes. “Go change, Dingus. I’ll clean the couch.”

Steve stood, ignoring the wine running down his legs, and went to Robin’s room. It was a disaster because Robin emptied half her closet onto the floor every time she tried to decide what to wear. Two years of living with her had been enough for Steve to unlearn two decades of keeping his parents’ house neat and clean, and when he’d grabbed clothes from his room to give it to Lucas and Max, he’d ended up dumping most of it in a pile on the floor. 

Steve toed off the dirty jeans and looked through the pile as best as he could. He’d grabbed way too many shirts and it looked like the only pair of jeans he’d taken were his going out jeans. They were tighter than his usual pair and made his ass look amazing. 

He yanked them on quickly and met the others in the living room in time for them to head out for the reservation. They made it to the restaurant with just enough time to spare, Steve dropping them all at the door to claim the table and then driving a few more minutes to find parking. 

When he finally entered the restaurant, the kids enthusiastically waved him down and he couldn’t help his smile as he slid into the booth beside Robin.

It was great to catch up with the kids in person instead of over the phone or Dustin’s Cerebro. Like this, Steve could watch Dustin’s eyes get all fond when he talked about going to school with Suzie in the fall if they both got accepted into MIT. He could hear Max’s laugh without static interrupting it. He could watch Lucas act out the plays in his most recent basketball game and see the way he still looked to Steve throughout the story, wanting approval. 

Steve was so fucking proud of all of them. 

Robin squeezed his hand under the table. “You look happy,” she whispered. 

Steve squeezed back. 

After Steve paid the bill — something that was much harder these days, but which he wasn’t going to tell the kids — they all meandered back to the car. Lucas and Max went ahead, murmuring quietly to each other. It was a nice night, clear and relatively warm for March.

“If you think so, then I’m stealing your coat,” Robin told Steve when he said that aloud. She didn’t wait for him to hand it over, but started stripping it off him. “I’m freezing.”

She wrapped his coat around herself and he laughed and put an arm around her, pulling her into his side and rubbing up and down her arm. 

“Better?”

She hummed. “Toasty.”

There was no comment from Dustin, which was suspicious enough to make Steve check he was still there. 

He was, walking on Steve’s left, but his attention was focused on Steve’s ass. 

Steve frowned. “Dustin?”

Dustin looked up at him. “I don’t get it. Is there some fashion trend that Eddie was years ahead of? Or are you doing it to remember him? Neither of you were even super close with him!”

Steve took a minute to try to understand that, but it made no sense. He glanced at Robin, wondering if she was being slow, but she looked just as confused. 

“What?”

“Your handkerchief,” Dustin said. “Are you wearing it for Eddie?”

Steve’s stomach flipped as he understood what was going on. He’d grabbed his going-out jeans in a hurry and he’d forgotten to take the handkerchief out of the back pocket from the last time he’d gone to a club. 

Steve glanced over his shoulder to check what color he was wearing. It was dark blue, tucked into his right pocket. 

Steve bit back a series of curses. He glanced at Robin again, who was watching him with wide eyes. 

“Um,” Steve said. “I’m wearing it… like Eddie? In the same way, I think.”

“So to honor him?” Dustin asked. He traced his long curls. “Maybe I should do that.”

“No!” Steve said hurriedly. “Absolutely not!”

Dustin looked hurt. “I was way closer to him than you were, Steve. And I was the one there when-“

He cut off, glancing away. 

Steve felt awful. 

He and Dustin had had a bit of a rough time after Eddie’s death. Dustin had blamed both himself and Steve for letting Eddie die, and he’d felt guilty being friends with Steve when they’d lost Eddie. Like he was replacing one friend with another. 

He knew how sensitive Dustin was about Eddie.

Steve was so open in San Francisco. He had followed Robin here because she wanted to be able to live without the same fear she’d had in Hawkins. He would have followed her anywhere. If she’d chosen the most homophobic town in the country he would have gone, despite the fact that traveling Europe with her after defeating Vecna had led Steve to realize he was interested in men. He was here because of her, not because of him.

But he loved living in a place where he could openly be himself. Where he could pass other men flagging on the streets and not just in discreet bars, hidden in the back corner of alleys. He loved when he and Robin went out and both brought people home, some girl coming out of Robin’s room in the morning to find Steve and his one-night-stand already making breakfast in the kitchen. 

Being bisexual was a bigger part of him than he ever could have imagined back when he lived in Hawkins. 

But he’d never been brave enough to tell the kids. They lived so far away and he saw them so infrequently and he hadn’t wanted to risk a negative reaction. If it went badly, they didn’t live in the same town. He couldn’t keep running into them, forcing them to slowly accept what he was. If the kids took it badly, they could just decide to never come back. 

Steve couldn’t bear it if the kids walked away from him. 

Robin nudged Steve gently, knocking him out of his thoughts.

Dustin looked really confused and upset. Fuck. 

Steve would get hurt a thousand times before he ever hurt one of his kids.

“I’ll explain when we get home, okay?” Steve asked. 

Dustin made a face. “Why not now?”

“It’s not something I want to just explain on the street,” Steve said. You never knew who might be listening, even in San Francisco. Besides, Dustin was guaranteed to ask a million questions even if he took it well, and Steve did not want to have that conversation on a random sidewalk. 

“Fine,” Dustin huffed. He sped up a little to walk with Max and Lucas. 

“You okay?” Robin asked. 

“Yeah,” Steve said, his voice tight with fear. 

“Dustin will be fine,” Robin said. “He loves you. He loved Eddie. I’ve never heard the kid say a single homophobic thing in his life.”

“Yeah,” Steve repeated. 

“Steve,” Robin said seriously. She stopped walking and turned to face him. “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. You can still make something up.”

“No,” Steve said finally. “I can’t. You’re right, I don’t think he’ll take this badly. Which means the only reason not to tell him is because I’m scared. I’m being stupid.”

“You don’t owe it to him,” Robin said. 

Steve smiled tightly. “I’ve faced Demogorgons. Coming out has to be easier than that, right?”

Robin shrugged. “You’re asking the wrong lesbian, Steve. I’ve only ever come out to other gay people. I mean, even when I thought I was telling Steve “the Hair” Harrington — which was already easier, cause I was like, high on Russian truth serum — and that he was all popular and straight and definitely not gonna take it well, I didn’t know that I was secretly coming out to a bisexual guy who was going to become my platonic soulmate. So. No words of wisdom from me.”

Weirdly, Steve felt better after hearing that. 

“Thanks, Robin,” he said. 

“I love you,” she said seriously. “I’m here.”

“I love you too,” he said. 

***

When they got back to the apartment, Dustin stomped over to the couch and took a seat, arms crossed. 

Lucas looked at Steve warily. “You also did the bandana thing?”

Also? Was Lucas also still thinking about Eddie?

Steve sighed. “Okay, sit down. I’ll explain.”

Lucas took a seat beside Dustin and Max rolled her wheelchair so she was vaguely next to the couch, bumping the table again. 

Steve moved to stand in front of the couch, wringing his hands together. Robin leaned against the wall behind him, silently offering support. 

Steve cleared his throat. “I’m, um,”

Bisexual. 

The word wouldn’t come. 

“Flagging,” he said instead. “That’s what it’s called when a guy wears a handkerchief in his back pocket.”

Lucas frowned. “Is that a fashion thing?”

“Not exactly,” Steve said. “It’s, um, a code? To let people know what you’re looking for.”

He was met with three blank stares. 

“In the bedroom,” he croaked out. 

Dustin’s face twisted. “It’s a sex thing?”

“Dude!” Lucas said. 

“Why were you wearing it to dinner with us?” Dustin demanded. 

“I forgot it was there!”

“I guess the new hair and the pastiness are working for you, if you’re getting enough girls that you’re forgetting your freaky sex flag is in your jeans” Max said. She looked the least affected of the three, but she was also blushing a little. 

Yeah, Steve didn’t want to be talking about his sex life either.

“Wait, that doesn’t make sense,” Dustin said. “It can’t be a new thing because Eddie was wearing one three years ago. And it can’t be a big city thing, because Eddie and Will were wearing them around Hawkins. So who wears it?”

Steve choked on his spit. “Will?”

“Yeah?” Dustin said. “I told you. I said neither of you were close with Eddie, so it didn’t make sense that you were wearing a hanky like he did.”

Steve gaped at Dustin. He didn’t know what to say. Dustin had just outed Will to Steve and he had no idea he’d done it. And now if Steve told Dustin who used hanky code, he would be outing Will to right back to Dustin. 

“Fuck,” Steve said, scrubbing a hand down his face. 

“Does it mean something bad?” Lucas asked anxiously. 

“No!” Steve blurted. “No!”

“So what does it mean?” Dustin asked. 

Steve hesitated. 

“Come on, Steve!” Dustin whined. 

“Okay,” Steve said. “Look, I don’t know about Will, okay? Maybe he’s doing something else. Maybe it really is for fashion or something to him. I’m just talking about me.”

Max’s mouth dropped open a little and a look of comprehension crossed her face. 

Steve didn’t stop to wonder what she’d put together. If he didn’t keep going, he would lose his nerve. 

“It’s a gay code,” Steve said, voice shaking a little. “To let men know what I’m looking for.”

Absolute silence. 

Dustin was frozen, mouth open and eyebrows up. He was staring at Steve is complete disbelief. 

Lucas’s eyes were wide, and darting between Steve and Max. 

Max’s face was frozen, the way it usually was when she needed to figure out what expression she wanted to show. She was cagey, only showing what she wanted and rarely what she was actually feeling. 

Steve hoped she wasn’t hiding a negative reaction.

“YOU’RE GAY?” Dustin screamed. 

Steve winced and shushed him. He wasn’t sure what the neighbors knew and did not want to find out. 

“Bisexual,” he said. He felt Robin come up beside him to slide a hand into his and he dropped a little of his weight against her. “It means I like both. Men and women.”

Dustin looked like he was processing a new scientific discovery. “That’s a thing?”

Steve nodded. 

“How did you know you were bisexual?” Dustin fired right away, brain clearly whirring with questions. 

“I slept with a guy and liked it. So I slept with a couple more and liked that too, and then I got confused because I didn’t know you could like both and I was really sure I liked women. So I talked to a friend and they explained to me what bisexuality was.”

“Huh,” Dustin said. 

Steve couldn’t take the suspense. Dustin had skipped straight to the interrogation and entirely blown past any kind of reaction, and the other two kids were just watching them go back and forth like it was a tennis match. 

“Is that… okay? With everyone?” Steve asked. He heard Robin’s shoes scuff the ground behind him, like she was also anxiously waiting for an answer. 

“Of course it’s fine, man,” Lucas said. He still looked a little surprised, but definitely not confused or revolted. He was actually taking this suspiciously well. 

Over the years, Steve had given a lot of thought to how each of the kids would react. He’d figured Dustin would be nosy but accepting, Max would try to act cool even if she was a little freaked out, and Erica would say something insulting but would defend him harder than anyone. Mike would almost inevitably be a little asshole about it — Steve had eaten dinner at the Wheelers’ a lot when he’d been dating Nancy and he knew what sort of ideas Mike had been raised on. He’d been preparing for years to not take it personally when Mike reacted badly. Will was a bit of a wild card — Steve figured he was probably gay, but that his reaction would depend on where he was on his own journey of self-acceptance and whether he would be happy to have a gay friend or if he would lash out in an attempt to seem straight. 

Lucas, though? Steve had never gotten a good reading one way or the other. He’d never heard Lucas say anything about gay people, positive or negative. And Lucas knew what it was like to be hated on by bigots like Billy because of the color of his skin, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was okay with gay people. In retrospect, Steve was pretty sure Billy had been some type of queer (he’d spent a lot of time harassing Steve while they were either sweating on a court or naked in the showers) and that certainly hadn’t stopped him from being racist, so it could definitely go the other way. 

But Lucas was acting as if Steve had announced something unexpected but vaguely boring. Like he’d said he’d started rooting for the Golden State Warriors or traded in his car for a new one, instead of announcing he was sexually and romantically interested in men. 

Dustin, on the other hand, looked insulted. “You think I care if you’re gay? I’m a little mad you didn’t tell me, but I don’t care who you date.”

“Yes, you do,” Steve said. “You try to set me up on dates all the time.”

“Yeah, but that’s just cause you’re always single and you can never get dates on your own. It’s kind of sad. I care about you not being lonely, not if you like dicks or not.”

Steve frowned. “Was that an insult or a compliment?”

Dustin scoffed. “You’re an idiot. But I, uh, love you and stuff. Even if you didn’t tell me you were gay for literal years.”

Steve felt a little warm inside and he couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, buddy.”

He looked at Max for a reaction, but she looked deep in thought. Okay. Maybe she needed time to process. He’d circle back to her. 

“Was Eddie gay?” Dustin asked. 

“Um, I mean, I can’t know for sure. He didn’t come out to me or anything. But he was definitely flagging and I’m pretty sure he was flirting with me when we were in the Upside Down.”

Dustin squinted at Steve. “So you and Eddie…?”

“No,” Steve said. “I only realized I liked guys after… everything.”

Dustin nodded like that made sense. “Is that why you moved to San Francisco?”

Steve debated how to answer that. 

“No,” Robin said. “Steve moved here because of me. I moved here because it’s easier to be gay in San Francisco.”

Steve turned to gape at her. Robin was shaking slightly and cutting off the circulation in Steve’s hand, but her chin was tilted up proudly and her eyes were boring into Dustin. 

Dustin was gaping. Max’s face was turning red. 

“Sorry to steal your thunder,” Robin whispered. 

Steve squeeze her hand. “I’m proud of you.”

She beamed. “You too, Dingus.”

“Oh my God,” Dustin said slowly. “Is this why you two won’t date?”

Robin laughed. “Yeah. I’m way too much of a lesbian to date Steve.”

Steve scrunched up his nose. “Like I’d date you, Buckley.”

“You asked me out,” Robin sing-songed. “You would totally date me.”

“You asked her out?” Dustin demanded. 

“Ugh, yeah. Back when we still worked at Scoops Ahoy. She told me I would have a better shot if I was Tammy Thompson.”

“I knew Robin was your type!” Dustin was bouncing on the couch in excitement. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve said. “You also didn’t notice that Robin was a lesbian for four years, so don’t be too proud of yourself.”

“Oh come on, Steve, how was I supposed to guess that everyone I know is gay?”

“Everyone?” Steve asked. 

Dustin listed them off on his fingers. “You, Robin, Will.”

“You can’t be sure about Will,” Steve said halfheartedly. 

Dustin gave him a look. “I assumed he was gay when we were like ten, Steve.”

Yeah. That made sense. Steve barely knew Will Byers before all the Upside Down shit had happened, but even he’d heard rumors in the days following Will’s disappearing about Will being gay. It made sense that Will’s oldest friends would have heard those rumors — and probably more — and that they would wonder if some of them were true. 

“One out of three isn’t terrible gaydar,” Robin said. 

“One out of four,” Max said. 

They all turned to look at her. She was staring vaguely in the direction of Steve and Robin, holding Lucas’s hand in a death-grip. 

“What?” Robin breathed, sounding excited. 

“I like girls too,” Max said. “And Lucas.”

God, she was so fucking brave. Max had no choice but to stand out. Everywhere she went, people stared at the blind girl in the wheelchair. They pitied her. They pitied Max, which was insane. Max was smart and brave and stubborn and sarcastic as hell. She wasn’t someone to be pitied, she was someone to be admired. 

Case in point: she didn’t have to paint another target on her back. She could have kept quiet and kept dating Lucas, who she was probably going to marry, and no one would ever assume she was anything other than straight. 

Steve was twenty-two and had known he was bisexual for two years and had only said something because he hadn’t seen another way to keep from hurting Dustin. 

Max was seventeen and already braver than Steve would ever be, holding Lucas’s hand defiantly and volunteering the information that she liked girls. 

“See!” Dustin said, gesturing at Max. “Everyone I know is gay!”

That was a very Dustin reaction, even if it wasn’t necessarily the right one. 

“Thanks for telling us, Max,” Steve said. 

“If you ever wanna talk about girls, you can call me,” Robin said. “I talk to Steve sometimes, but he has terrible taste and he has the audacity to say that I have terrible taste and I would love to talk to another girl about this.”

Max grinned. “I get to talk to Lucas. And I know he has perfect taste because he chose me.”

Dustin made a gagging sound. 

Lucas pressed a kiss to Max’s shoulder, looking embarrassed but pleased. 

Steve was so proud of him. Max had clearly told him before tonight, and he was still here holding her hand, so he must have done everything right. He obviously hadn’t acted offended or taken it as a challenge to his masculinity that his girlfriend liked girls. 

Steve thought of their little exchange in the airport and the way Max had asked if Robin looked hot. 

His heart warmed, watching them. 

He never would have believed that a relationship between two thirteen year olds would last this long. He was going to walk Max down the aisle someday, and he was willing to bet his measly life savings that Lucas would be the one waiting for her at the end. 

“Am I gay?” Dustin wondered out loud. 

Steve laughed. “Dude! I think you would know if you were gay.”

“You’d think, wouldn’t you?” Robin said. “But sometimes your twenty-year-old best friend tells you he thought everyone thought about pretty boys and you realize that some people are too much of a dingus to realize they’re gay.”

The kids all laughed. 

“So what does your bandana mean?” Max asked, waggling her eyebrows. 

Dustin made a face. “I don’t wanna know what Steve does in bed!”

Max shrugged. “I do.”

“Okay, someone’s a little too interested, Mayfield,” Steve said. 

“I’m bisexual too!” Max protested. “I need to know this stuff.”

“You’re blind,” Dustin muttered. “You can’t even see the bandana.”

Max hit him threw a pillow at his head with unnerving accuracy. 

“Girls don’t really use the same code,” Robin said. “You have to actually have the guts to go up to a girl and talk to her instead of knowing what she’s into based on what she’s wearing.”

“But how does it work?” Lucas asked. “Are you just saying you’re looking for a hookup?”

Steve blushed. 

“Educate the queer youth, Steve!” Robin said, the traitor. 

“Only one of them is even gay!” 

“You can’t tell Max and not me!” Dustin immediately protested. 

“And Max tells me everything, so I might as well hear it too.”

Steve groaned. He kind of wished a gate to the Upside Down would open under his feet so he could get out of having this conversation. 

“Okay. The colors mean you’re looking for different things. And it also matters if the bandana is in the right or left pocket, because that tells people if you wanna do the thing or have the thing done to you.”

There. That was a kid-friendly description, right?

“So if Eddie’s bandana was black, what does that mean?” Dustin asked. 

Steve gulped. Robin cackled. 

“Um, black is sadomasochism,” Steve said. He had to force every word out of his mouth. “So he liked, um, rough sex.”

He cringed as the kids all turned bright red. 

It wasn’t a new feeling, wishing Eddie hadn’t died. But this was the first time Steve wished he was alive specifically so Eddie could be having this conversation instead of Steve. Eddie would have been shameless, loudly proclaiming his preferences to everyone around, and then the kids would learn to stop asking invasive questions when they learned much more than they wanted to. 

“What’s yours?” Dustin asked. 

“None of your business,” Steve said quickly. 

“Come on, Steve,” Dustin said. “Now that I know you can’t date Robin, I need to find someone else to set you up with. And how am I supposed to know you’re compatible if I don’t know what your bandana means?”

Robin was shaking against Steve. He looked at her briefly in concern, only to see that she was losing the battle against a fit of giggles. 

“Save me,” he hissed to her. 

“Steve, this is the best entertainment I’ve had all year. I’ve never you seen you this red, even that time in Scoops-“

“It’s dark blue,” Steve said, to keep Robin from telling that particular story. “So just regular sex.”

Dustin frowned. “You’re wearing a bandana that literally just says you’re looking for sex?”

“What’s regular sex between two dudes?” Lucas asked, frowning. 

Steve groaned. “Did your parents never give you the sex talk?”

“Yeah, but it didn’t cover that.”

Steve scrubbed his hands down his face. He remembered when he’d first started sleeping with men, how much information he hadn’t known. He’d been traveling through Europe with Robin, hitting different gay clubs in each city, and he’d initially picked up a guy because he was bored and thought he might as well try it. (In retrospect, the man had been really pretty and Steve had been curious for a while, but boredom had been the excuse he had given himself to go through with it). 

He hadn’t known what two men could do with each other. He hadn’t known how to be safe. He was really goddamn lucky that he hadn’t taken home the wrong guy, or gotten an STD, or gotten AIDS. 

No one had ever given Steve the gay sex talk either, and if they’d offered it to him back when they’d given him the straight sex talk, Steve wouldn’t have wanted to listen. 

And here his kids were, asking him to explain. Sure, Dustin and Lucas were probably straight, but everyone had thought the same thing about Steve. 

It couldn’t hurt for them to have more information than they needed, but it could definitely hurt for them to have less. 

“Fuck it,” Steve said, “Fine. Always the goddamn babysitter.”

Robin made a squeaking sound. “Are you seriously giving them the sex talk?”

Steve nodded wearily. 

“I’ll go be other there,” Robin said, gesturing at her room. 

Steve caught her hand to keep her from leaving. “Absolutely not. You’re here to provide a girl’s perspective.”

“Steve, I did not sign up for this and I’m in no way qualified to give this talk.”

Steve stared at her. “And you think I am?”

“Goddamnit,” Robin huffed, conceding the point. “Fine, okay, sex talk, yay! This isn’t awkward at all.”

What followed was the most embarrassing hour of Steve’s life. He tried to start with the basics (consent, condoms) and only give the kids the absolutely essential facts, but they all asked really pointed and specific questions. Even Lucas, who Steve couldn’t imagine asking these questions in a group setting, was emboldened by Dustin and Max’s shameless questions to ask about a horrifically detailed “hypothetical” that had Max blushing and burying her face in her hands. 

Dustin made Steve explain the entirety of the hanky code (“Wait, why would you wanna be the one getting fucked? How does that feel good?”), asked a million questions about Steve’s type (“Hot brunettes isn’t a type, Steve!”), and then asked for advice about how to make sure a girl was actually ready to have sex and wasn’t just doing it to rebel against her super-religious family (… uh, Robin? Any thoughts?”). 

At the end of the night Steve was pretty sure that he was going to have a bright red face forever and that his hair was in disarray from how many times he’d run his hands through it, but he also felt like his kids were thoroughly prepared for any situation they might encounter. 

He sent the kids use the bathroom first and started laying sheets on the couch for Dustin. He layered a few blankets on because San Francisco could get cold at night, then was handed a pillow. 

“Thanks,” he said, looking up to see it was Dustin helping out. 

Dustin barreled into his chest, throwing his arms around Steve in a tight hug. 

Steve dropped the pillow and hugged him back. 

“I miss you,” Dustin said.

“I miss you too.”

“Will you still come visit me when I’m at MIT? Even though it’s farther than Hawkins and the rest of the Party won’t be there?”

“Dustin, you haven’t even gotten in yet.”

“But will you?” Dustin asked, planting his chin on Steve’s chest to look up into Steve’s eyes. And even though Steve knew he was 17, almost a full adult, he looked just like the kid Steve had first met, wide-eyed and looking to Steve for reassurance. 

“Of course,” Steve said. “I’ll be over there so much you’ll get sick of me.”

“Even though you have a job and Robin and you don’t have to drive us around everywhere anymore?”

Steve huffed. “Dude, I haven’t driven you all everywhere in years. And Robin can survive without me for a few days. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Steve said. 

Dustin pulled out of the hug, giving Steve a toothy smile. Then he scowled and punched Steve’s arm. “Next time, don’t wait years to tell me something important, asshole!”

Steve grinned. 

Dustin didn’t care. He wasn’t pushing Steve away for being queer. He was actually trying to make sure that Steve would stay in his life, that growing up didn’t mean Steve would leave. 

Steve pulled the brim of Dustin’s cap down, earning him a disgruntled yelp. 

“Alright,” Steve promised. “The next time I have a life-changing realization, you’ll be the first to know.”

Dustin smiled evilly. “Even before Robin?”

Steve froze. “I’m not picking favorites Henderson, so don’t even try it.”

Max and Lucas emerged from the bathroom and Steve gently pushed Dustin towards it, finally joining Robin in her room. 

Robin was lying on the bed in her pjs, still faintly blushing from the sex talk. “I am never having kids. That was the worst, oh my god. I suddenly understand why my parents just threw a bunch of books at me and told me to figure it out.”

“I got the sex talk from health class,” Steve admitted, digging through the pile on the floor for pjs. “It was not helpful at all.”

Robin snorted. “I’m sure you learned from hands-on experience, Romeo.”

“No, but that’s my point,” Steve said. “I slept with all these girls and all of them only said nice things. I was so sure I was doing a good job, and then I date Nancy for longer than a few weeks and she’s Nancy, so she does research.”

He hissed the word and Robin sniggered. “Oh, she would.”

“She did! And then she gave me notes. Literal, physical notes, on how to do better!”

Robin laughed so hard she went quiet, rolling from side to side on the bed and clutching at her ribs. 

“Robin, Robin, don’t laugh at me,” Steve pouted. “It was humiliating.”

Robin could not stop laughing. “Were the notes on flashcards?”

Steve aggressively yanked pajamas from the pile and refused to answer. The notes had been on flashcards. And they’d been color-coded into general tips and things Nancy specifically wanted to try. 

Steve changed into pajamas as Robin gradually got her giggles under control. 

“Hey, babe,” Robin said. 

Steve looked up. “Yeah?”

She looked serious, sitting up and meeting Steve’s gaze. “I’m proud of you. You were really brave tonight. And you gave me the courage to be brave too, and I never could have imagined a few years ago that I’d be living in San Francisco with my queer best friend and platonic soulmate having an extremely embarrassing sex talk with a bunch of teenagers, but it’s kind of perfect. I kind of love it.”

Steve smiled. He never would have imagined himself here either, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything. His friendship with Robin was the most important thing in his life. And his kids, his wonderful, amazing, brilliant kids, who accepted him and admired him and needed him and loved him — they were here. They’d traveled 2,000 miles just to see him. 

“I kind of love it too,” Steve said. 

Robin beamed. “Definitely worth a little Russian torture.”

What a weird, fucked-up metric. And Robin was still absolutely right. 

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #platonic stobin #the party #Steve harrington #robin buckley #dustin henderson #max mayfield #Lucas sinclair #max x lucas #mia writes fanfic #ao3 #because ao3 is down

[ma-lark-ey]

Lark Liveblogs Literature: THE SUNSHINE COURT BABYYYYY LETS GO JEAN

to begin: THE COVER???

The fucking NARCISSUS/DAFFODIL. Stop stop stop. Nora stop. She said it wouldn’t be a sun but I WASNT READY.

RESILIENCE. FIRST BLOOM AT THE END OF WINTER. NEW BEGINNINGS AND REBIRTH.

warning in advance for how many reaction images will be in this post. Miss Nora Sakavic has a way of making me unable to verbalise how devistated I am so I turn to goofy photos.

Also, just so we’re all on the same page:

it’s 1:20 AM. My roommate IS asleep. I am fighting the demons (downloading this book) but i am winning (it is queued on my kindle)

ITS DOWNLOADED LETS GO

Okay so context is that my Kindle is at 10%

I tried to go to bed and read this in the morning but I am

SO NOW I HAVE FRANTICALLY FOUGHT A WAR (figured out how to get this book) AND I AM READY FOR BATTLE (to cry over Jean)

ONE, TWO, THREE, LETS GO BITCH!!

Also my kindle cord is too small for me to properly lay in bed so im literally about to lay on my stomach kicking my feet like a middle schooler WISH. ME. LUCK.

CHAPTER ONE:

oh we’re jumping right in okay. god. hi baby :((

OH. I am just adding onto my #1 Riko hater agenda right now.

“The golden rule— not where the public can see” DIE. LITERALLY DIE TETSUJI

“The lack of broken fingers this time” THIS TIME??? JEAN. JEAN.

im so.

RENEE!!!

“and he had wasted them texting Renee a heads-up.” Nora please we’re only four pages in bro

Renee i love you im marrying you please give me a kiss. Mwah Mwah Mwah. She said “Bitch. Lay back down.”

currently also reading a batshit raven!neil fic and just. on the ground. about all of this.

stop the way I literally went “who the fuck is Nathaniel” Im too transgender for this.

Me, seeing the Abby content we need in this world:

Jean dont call that hellscape home bbg

Renee beating self worth into this man. ily

“Jean couldnt remember the last time he was allowed to wear color” LITERALLY KILL ME

Nora I need you to be less good at describing pain please and thanks

NOT THE BITING

DADMACK DADMACK DADMACK DADMACK!!

he fr be moving this man like a doll. love you wymack

tied him up with racquet laces I. h. lays on floor softly crying.

NOT THE DADDY ISSUES

Jean fr out here plotting 50 ways to kill his brother. he fr though Neil was the problem. no girl Neil just has no tact and autism rizz. Kevins the fucking snitch

no one:

Jean @ the Moriyamas;

“that man is years overdue for a head-on high-speed collision” YOU TELL EM DADMACK

CHAPTER TWO:

Jean please just sleep like a normal human man. God.

Even Jean be out here like “Kevins a little Chihuahua ass drama queen. Bitchboy. Wet cat man.”

Kevin: look, bro, if the 5’3 twink with enough daddy issues to make riko blush and chugs ‘fuck around and find out’ juice for breakfast can escape the moriyamas and not die, so can you.

Testuji. Testuji when I catch you. Tetsuji

Jean what the fuck makes you think anyone but Andrew Minyard will ever tell Neil what to do. Girl.

“If I am not a Raven, who am I?” A MOTHERCUCKING TROJAN BABYYYY

“I have to go to my next class.” I forgot they were in college deadass. Neil is straight up my age im gonna throw up.

Okay. It is. *checks time* 3 AM. I cannot keep my eyes open, which means i must put Jean away for sleep.

ITS IS NOON THE FOLLOWING DAY. I HAVE SLEPT. I HAVE TAKEN MY MEDICATIONS. TIME TO HYPERFOCUS BABY.

KINDLE SAYS WE HAVE 8 hrs 27 mins LEFT IN THIS BOOK. IM SAYING GOODBYE TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I’LL SEE Y’ALL AT DINNEE TIME. ITS JEAN TIME.

Hiiiiiii Thea….

“Good morning, Paris.” Now, the average man will see this as a reference to his frenchness. but real ones know Paris is prince of Troy, the man who married Helen of Troy & started the Trojan war.

do y’all think Jean has a french accent wait wait wait. obviously itd be very slight at this point but is it there. necessary question.

Assessing Thea like a fucking state exam right now. Neil could not have cared less about your ass I am gaining so much information

Hate of my life Riko moriyama.

CHAPTER THREE:

JEREMY FUCKING KNOW HI BAYYYBY

the way I literally got up and had to pace and stim for a moment even though I fully expected this. autism. my roommate is concerned. not really. she’s used to this she watched me read TKM and dramatically reenact the Ichirou Car Talk.

wow??? AFTG team actually seems happy and well-adjusted and friendly with each other??

Random Note: I’m currently watching Blue Exorcist & one of the main characters is a girl name Moriyama and I’m literally just sitting here like “This girl is way to nice and innocent to have that name.” Because she literally is the nicest girl to ever exist. Why is she cursed with the same name as my mortal enemy (Testuji)

“Tonight’s experiment was the icing on the cake, an invaluable experience no matter how it ended.” Jeremy, my love.

He has empathy… Never before seen footage. Y’all get the cameras!!

He’s so shaken about Jean,,, holding you so gently Jeremy. Here as a guy who knows nothing at all about Jeremy since I’m. so new here. but god.

Jeremy: are you sure a Raven can abide by Troja—

Kevin: Bro Jean is so pathetic he’s a bottom fr. He never disobeys an order

Jeremy: I. Okay you didnt have to say it like that, bro.

I will literally never stop respecting the Trojans strat in the final they really said. “If these fucks can win the championships with nine players, surely we can.” and then willingly got their asses handed to them.

“Xavier stumbled when he got the next serve off, and the Fox guarding him gamely hauled him back upright before running for the ball. It was a simple gesture, but it endeared Jeremy to them” I dont remember if this bit was described in tkm so i’m going to guess that’s Nicky or Matt. Aaron would fucking never.

Nah because like. Yes this proved to the Trojans how resilient the Foxes were, but it was also a message to the audience, yk? Like we know the Foxes were getting shit for their quick rise to the top after they pulled their shit together, but I personally think that the Trojans did this both for their improvement & for Foxes’ publicity. This game proved to the public at large how devastatingly *good* the Foxes were, because of their small size. The second best team in the league crumbled playing the same conditions the Foxes did *every game* and got to championships with. They proved that Foxes were, in fact, a D1 team who earned their keep.

oh hes got daddy’s money. Well. not. officially. yo what I mean.

“it was always best to have a paper trail” Neil Josten would have an anuerysm hearing those words.

Bye Jeremy I’m. Love you so much. Why do you feel like a sixty year old man in your early twenties.

“between seven and twelve students.” yikes.

“unfamiliar and accented voice.” I WAS RIGHT I FUCKING CALLED IY HES GOT AN ACCENT BABY FUCK YEAH

“you ever feel like— like you’re making a choice you cant come back from? But even knowing everything could go completely sideways, you’d make that choice every time?” okay so coming out allegories i could make aside, Jeremy is so… where to start with him. He reminds me of Percy Jackson. Endlessly loyal and selfless to the point its a bit stupid but endearingly stupid.

CHAPTER FOUR:

Okay so we’re alresdy hateflirting. noted.

Its also extremely sunny today in Podunk Hicksville where I live so it feels very On Brand.

“Jean had seen that smile in a half-dozen broadcast… He could picture it too easily, and he dug his fingernails into his own face in vicious warning.” Awww you think you can best the gay worms in your brain. goodluck with that Johnny.

“isn’t that reason enough to keep living? To rediscover simple delight one moment at a time,” keeping this quote for eternity

“enough sunlight to chase away Evermore’s shadows. They are willing to take a chance on you. Aren’t you?”

Kevin Day autistic king. taking this hesdcannon to my grave .

“the conspiracy theorists were working overtime” no girl they just aint stupid.

THEY DESTROYED HIS POSTCARDS…

CHAPTER FIVE:

I want to start keeping record of all the times Jean is like “[name] wasn’t decent enough to [thing]” because its SO funny. We LOVE a petty king.

also keeping track of all the insults he throws at Neil.

Neil likes to think he’s SUUUUCH a loner boy no friends angsty “dont speak to me” resting bitch face ass motherfucker. In reality he is a jack russell terrier — ceritifed jack russell owner who’s dog thinks hes soooo big and bad but said dog literally cries when you dont let him in the bed or say hi to people on the street

Jean is SOOOOOO dramatic 😭😭

Jean: Why would you let Kevin do this.

Neil: let him?? He did that on his own.

Jean: you’re proud of him for being a problem, arent you?

Neil: oh you fucking know I am, bitchass

“but other than his outstanding murder charge there was nothing interesting about that Fox.” i’d consider that very interesting information, Jean. Youre just deranged

“with milk, juice, and vodka dominating one shelf” that’s Aaron, Nicky, Andrew/Kevin in order. Im correct.

“There was an entire drawer dedicated to cheese.” Yeah that sounds like Nicky.

“Half the drawer was full of mini candy bars. Jean threw them all into the trash” bro Andrew is going to kill you in cold blood and not even Neil can save you.

Jean is SO dramatic. Give him Kevin’s crown.

Jean @ Neil during the final: ARE YOU WITHOUT INTELLIGENCE????? ARE YOU STUPID??? DO YOU WANT TO DIE??

Seeing the media coverage of the championship is the food I needed thank you Nora for this. I am eating it up. om nom nom

The sportscasters referring to athletes with their first name is batshit. What. why. huh. Absolutely not.

CHAPTER SIX:

Renee protecting Jean from discovering Riko’s death through media & not through them…

Everytime boys start fistfighting in this series I hear Roxanne from Megamind. “Ladies, ladies, you’re BOTH pretty.”

a) Jeans reaction to finding out was exaclty what I expected

b) I’m FASCINATED to know who called campus security. Jeremy?? Renee?? Someone in Fox tower???

Neil was gentle with someone other than Andrew? I didnt know he knew how to do that…

NEIL. NEIL JOSTEN. YEAH BABY

HES ROOMING WITH CAT AND LAILA??? YES YEA YES YESY

the Jean-Renee dynamic is so fucking important to me. MLM/WLW solidarity. theyre besties.

THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO ME BRO.

Literally snuggling Jeremy

Oh he’s got Fox potential. Hiiii Jeremy. Give me the traumadump bbg

THEY/THEM??? DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME OR IS THIS AN HONEST TO GOD THEY/THEM PLAYER OH ILL CRY. ILL CRU RIGHT NOW

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Oh Jean. you’re about to have such a gay awakening babe i can feel it in my bones.

A FUCKING YOYO??? I LOVE HIM

“A mite bit hecked up” PLEEEASE JUST SAY FUCK /ref

OH HE WAS IN LOVE WITH KEVIN. INTERESTING INTERESTING INTERESTING.

autism coded lookingg motherfucker (stares at Jean.)

The chaos of Cat and Laila’s house is so fucking cute. Its about to be two lesbians and their distrustful pitbull rescue in this bitch and im ready for it.

CHAPTER EIGHT:

watching normal people discover the cult that is Evermore. Finally someone having a normal response to that madness. What the FUCK.

wait theres actually a cardboard dog i thought it was fanon joke.

oh my god there is actually a fucking cardboard dog. i.

jeans brain just got actually shattered by this living room. he cannot comprehend this.

Cat & Jeremy, realizing the cult rumors are real: I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING! I thought it was joke! I even wrote it down in my diary! “Kevin made a very funny joke today!” I laughed at it later that night!

Okay, last night; I went to bed at 2:30 AM 45% through (college my beloathed). we’re back in business.

Jeremy is so disturbed all of the time. goofy ass.

“Loving something is not enough,”

“When was the last time you enjoyed playing?”

“ Irrelevant.”

Whats his shirt look like Jeremy. Jeremy whats the shirt look like. Jeremy. Whats the shirt look like.

Okay so I’ve reached my image limit for this post and I dont have fun reaction images on my laptop. so now I will post this & reblog with the rest of this book.

#lark says #aftg #all for the game #the sunshine court #tsc #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court spoilers #In order of men: Jeremy Knox. Neil. EVERYONE ELSE. Riko….. Nathan— /ref

[sillylittlejesterman]

Making a Cake

I FORGOT TO POST THIS FOR SIRIUS' BIRTHDAY BUT HERE IT IS (its also on ao3) Just a little silly story that was written very quickly for my favorite wet dog homosexual man's birthday. I love him.

“Uh Remus? I don’t think it’s supposed to look like that,” Peter said, eyeing the gloopy, sludge-like thing in the baking dish. 

“Is–... Is it moving?” James asked. The three boys standing over the tray with what was supposed to be Sirius’ birthday cake in the center. They all startled away when a bubble in the dish popped, making a loud noise. Remus plopped the tray down on the stove top and took his red and white oven mitts off, slapping them on the table while frowning. 

“This makes no sense. We did everything, didn’t we?” He pushed a bunch of empty pans and dirty rags around until he found the badly scribbled out recipe on a now batter-stained piece of parchment. 

“You know, it would probably help if we could actually read the recipe,” James pointed out, snatching the parchment out of Remus’ hands and dangling it in front of his face. Remus frowned in response. “This whole thing is in French. Can’t you find it in English or something?” James continued. 

“Maybe we should just ask Regulus,” Peter mumbled, not really planning for anyone to hear him. He knew Sirius and Regulus’ relationship was complicated to say the least, but he was the only other person that Peter knew who spoke French. 

“No! No it’s fine, it’s not that hard to understand!” 

“Remus you keep saying that but look at the cake– I don’t even know if we can even call it a cake anymore,” James’ voice trailed off as he covered his mouth with his hand, standing to stare at the last six attempts at the cake - each looked worse than the last. 

“French is a romance language with Latin roots and I know latin.” Remus insisted. 

“Latin and French are not the same language, Remus!” 

“They have the same roots!” 

“Guys, the cake is moving,” Peter interrupted, pointing to where the cake had started to form a rather large bubble. The three boys leaned in close to examine it, and like it had before, the cake popped, startling the three and spraying runny batter all over their faces. 

Remus, whose face was contorted by disgust and cake batter, stood shocked, staring at the cake tin before wiping his eyes and flung the batter to the ground with a frustrated groan. 

“Okay, I think it’s time to find a different cake,” James said, wiping his hands on one of the many dirty towels in the kitchen.

“No, his birthday is tomorrow! This is the only recipe we have and we can’t give him a fucking cookie for his birthday” 

“But Moony we’ve been at this for hours! I’m hungry and tired,” Peter whined. 

Remus took a breath and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.“Fine! Fine, I’ll just do it myself,” He grumbled, growing increasingly frustrated with this recipe. “Why does Sirius have to have such posh taste all the time?” Remus grumbled under his breath, snatching the recipe from James’ hands and reading it over again, muttering to himself. 

James and Peter shared a look before sighing, knowing they weren’t exactly excused from the kitchen just yet. Remus would slave over this cake for days if it meant making Sirius’ birthday a happy one, so James and Peter had to stay too. 

—

Frost covered the window of the Gryffindor boys’ dormitory. Almost every year the first snow fell on Sirius' birthday, and Remus knew this because every year he was up. He tucked himself away in the reading nook in the window, the light from his wand illuminating the page he was reading. But when a small beeping noise was heard from his bed he sprang up and quickly turned it off before digging to find the parchment wrapped box he had been hiding for months. 

“Psst, hey,” Remus whispered as he made his way over to Sirius’ bed, careful to avoid the floorboard that creaked so loud it woke Peter up. He tiptoed and drew back the curtain to his bed, snickering at the sight he found. 

Sirius was splayed out and curled in his sheets, wearing an oversized and threadbare Beatles shirt that Remus had given him for his twelfth birthday. It was too big on him then, and still hung just below his red and gold boxers. A copy of the Rolling Stone with Bowie on the cover was open over his face, and the slight sound of his snores  made Remus chuckle, his lips curling into a fond smile.

“Hey, wake up, idiot.” He said, smacking Sirius’ foot. Sirius made a sound and stirred, causing the magazine to roll off of his face and onto the floor with a thump.

“Fuck, I’m awake,” He grumbled, sitting up on his elbows and smiling when he noticed Remus. “You never make it to midnight” Remus teased, crawling onto the mattress and letting the curtains fall closed as he settled across from Sirius. “Oh shut up,” he groaned again, rubbing his eyes as he reached onto the floor to grab the magazine,placing it on the bedside table. 

Remus fidgeted with a small package in his hands as he smiled at the other boy, admiring the way his grey-blue eyes shone in the dim yellow light of the lamp that hung from the canopy above the bed. Sirius smiled back, pushing his hair out of his face while sitting up properly. He scooted slightly closer to Remus.

“Happy birthday,” Remus smiled, finally breaking the comfortable silence the two of them sat in. 

He placed the package on the bed, sliding it towards Sirius.

Sirius’ brows knit together in confusion as he slid his gaze between the gift and the boy opposite him.

“This is different,” Sirius said, starting to unwrap the brown parchment that Remus had shabbily used to conceal the box. 

“Well yeah, cause– this year is different.” 

It was a tradition they’d started their very first year at Hogwarts. Or really, Remus started it. He’d stayed up, wanting to be the first person to wish Sirius a “happy birthday” - he’d had too much energy, and the second the clock turned past twelve, Remus pounced on his friend. Sirius was of course startled at first, but the second he spotted Remus, looking like an easily excited puppy, he couldn’t be mad. Remus gave him a David Bowie vinyl that year along with the giant Beatles shirt and Sirius still had them, still considered them the best gifts he’d ever received. Remus had a weird thing with gifts. He was usually dreadful at gift-giving, but when it came to Sirius he somehow nailed it every time.

“Why, cause I snogged you on Halloween?” Sirius smirked, always playing a joke. It was true, Remus and Sirius had snogged on Halloween. Both of them consumed a little too much fire whiskey that night, leading to a long, painstaking game of spin-the-bottle. Sirius had finally had enough after three rounds, and dragged Remus away to the broom closet. Remus remembered it vividly. The feeling of his heart beating fast in his chest and the taste of cigarettes, whiskey and strawberries on Sirius’ lips– 

“Because you asked me to be your boyfriend on Halloween.” 

That was true as well. After hiding in the broom closet for what felt like hours, Sirius finally dragged Remus upstairs where the kissing continued in a more horizontal position. Alone with only the muffled sound of drunk teenagers downstairs, it became much more intimate as they laid together on the bed, curtains drawn and lips pressed together. Their kissing was less hungry, less filled with need. Remus had pulled away for just a moment when Sirius said it. 

“Remus, I want to be with you,” He’d whispered, his hand tangling in Remus’ hair, gently playing with the curls at the nape of his neck. His voice was quiet, like he was whispering a secret and all Remus thought to do was kiss him in response. 

Sirius turned red, his pale complexion never failing to betray when he felt embarrassed or flustered. Remus found it quite cute.

“Okay, yeah but–” 

“Stop arguing and just open your present, okay?”

Remus cut Sirius off and pushed the half-opened package against his chest, scooting closer to Sirius to get a better look, despite the lack of space on the bed.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at him and laughed. 

“Okay, okay, pushy” He teased, carefully taking the package and unwrapping the brown parchment that was crumpled around it. Inside was a simple black velvet box only about the size of his palm, and Sirius looked back up at Remus. 

“What is this?” He said, holding back a smile. 

“Just open it,” Remus urged, his cheeks turning red. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, a ball of excitement and nerves sat in his throat as he waited for Sirius to open the box. 

Inside the little velvet box was a silver plated ring, with shimmering moonstone embedded in the center, engraved crescent moons sitting curled around either side of the stone. Remus saw it in a shop back home and it reminded him too much of Sirius not to buy it. 

Sirius stared at the ring for a long while, which didn’t at all help Remus’ nerves. 

“It’s not a proposal ring or anything. Sorry if it looks like that,” Remus finally blurted out

He gently placed the box on his covers, smiling at Remus, his heart fluttering excitedly in his chest.

 “I love it,” He whispered, reaching for Remus’ hands, pulling him close - “I love it,” He said again, gently pressing their lips together. Remus melted into the kiss, sighing softly, relieved that Sirius liked his gift. 

—

“Surprise!” The sound of party poppers was loud and confetti sprayed everywhere as Sirius entered the common room. It was all lavishly decorated, or as lavishly as a group of teens could get it.

The common room was full of Gryffindors, though most noticeably James and Peter who stood in the middle of the room, holding a large cake. Or at least it looked like it was supposed to be a cake. The layers were wobbly and the icing was everywhere and it looked as though half the candles on top of it were trying to run away down its side. For whatever reason, James and Peter had thought it would be a phenomenal idea to adorn the cake with sparklers as well. 

Sirius found himself silently thankful for Lily standing close by, seemingly ready with a spell to take care of things, in case it caught fire.

With a struggle, James and Peter put down the cake, fetching a slice for Sirius before placing two sparklers and a candle in it. Looking at the slice, Sirius wasn’t even sure the cake was edible. Still, he took the slice. 

“Oi, what’s that?” James asked, motioning to the small silver ring on Sirius’ finger. James had spotted it when the ring caught the light from the sparklers, causing the stone to shimmer, showing off the elegant moon designed carved into it in the process. 

Sirius glanced at the ring with fondness, his eyes briefly meeting Remus’, before he turned his attention back to James. “Eh, just a little something. Back to the important stuff, hm? If this cake kills me I need to know who to hold responsible,” he joked. Remus smiled. There was nothing that made him happier than seeing Sirius so happy, surrounded by the people he loved.

#marauders #remus x sirius #sirius orion black #sirius black birthday #happy birthday sirius #lgbtq #the marauders era #remus lupin #wolfstar #harry potter #marauders fandom #marauders fanfiction

[killerandhealerqueen]

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

3. how you feel about your current WIP

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

7. your preferred writing fonts

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

13. a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

20. in what year did you publish your first fic?

26. are you able to write with other people around?

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

17. talk about your writing and editing process

16. favorite place to write

💖💖💖💖💖

Jaz my beloved, hello!

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

I normally write from an "omniscient" view point, so I don't really use like "character povs"

3. how you feel about your current WIP

Currently I'm working on my rewrite and I forgot how much I loved working on it. We are on ep. 27 though, which means we're getting to the mental hospital scene soon so that'll be fun. But I forgot how much fun it is to write it as well as liveblog/rewatch. God I love this stupid drama so damn much

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

The only unpublished wip I have rn has a lot of dialogue and not so much paragraphs...but this is the closest "paragraph" I could find

         “You’re right, I’m not” he agreed, just as Chen Yuzhi tripped over a rock and fell, causing him to cry out in pain before he rolled over to see the wolf coming straight towards him, its teeth barred. 

7. your preferred writing fonts

For headcanons, Times New Roman, size 12, for actual fic writing Helvetica size 11

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

Hmm...last fic I posted (not updated cuz updated was 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer) was Second Chances. That fic, from start to finish...took me about...maybe 3-5 days?

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

Hmmm...good question. Maybe a few days...but it's very rare, unless a fic is fighting with me too much. I mainly work on the draft until it's done and then I post it (but I of course go over it one more time before I actually post, just to make sure I didn't misspell or forgot a word or something)

13. a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

Currently really only writing for CSI: Miami (trying to finish my multi-chapter fic, we're almost done), Killer and Healer, and S.C.I. I do have one more fic to post for White Cat Legend but other than that...I'm not really planning on writing for any new fandoms

16. favorite place to write

Either in my armchair by the window or in my bed. I can control the noise at home, so it makes it easy, and I don't have to worry about people trying to read my laptop screen

17. talk about your writing and editing process

Oof...there's not much to talk about. I get the idea, let it ruminate in my head, kind of start seeing scenes play out in my head/in dreams and then I just sort of...write. I've stopped trying to outline stuff because that just seems to fuck with my flow, so we don't do that anymore. But anyways, I just write until I'm content/I've told the story I want to tell, I'll bring up the "post a new work" page on ao3, type out all the necessary information, past the fic into the box, then copy and paste it into my notes app (cuz sometimes the formating from copying it from word to ao3 fucks up my indents) and then do a quick re-read/edit if I miss stuff and then I post. The only time I'll ever send a fic to someone (aka @ahhhnorealnamesallowed) is when I need a second pair of eyes/I'm sick of the fic but other than that...that's kinda how my process works

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

Oh, if you've read my fics you know that I research a lot of stuff for anything regarding my case fics, but I think the most interesting one is for my fic Violence Is Never the Answer...Except When It Is where I researched step by step instructions on how to clean a katana. There's never a dull moment in my fics, I promise you that, but that one was probably really interesting...and really in-depth

20. in what year did you publish your first fic?

Lord...like 2012? It was a fic that I wrote for a Kakavege fanart that I saw on Deviantart. I loved it and then messaged the artist if I could write a fic for it. They said yes and even linked it to their art. My deviantart account has since been deleted but that was definitely my first like true fanfic

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

I have no idea how to describe my writing...other than maybe out there, fantastical, exciting?

Idk Jaz, how would you describe my writing?

26. are you able to write with other people around?

Oh yeah, as long as they don't ask what I'm working on nor do they look at my laptop

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

Now...we all know that I'm very proud of 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer (and really, I should be) but I'm also really proud of For All Eternity because I flipped what I normally would do for Jiang Yuelou and Chen Yuzhi when writing xianxias/wuxias (I made Jiang Yuelou the immortal this time while Chen Yuzhi is the demon instead of the other way around) and yet I STILL kept them true to their personalities. So...yeah. I'm really happy with that fic and I hope more people read it because it's good (it's also inspired by Chinese Paladin 4 which was Mao's latest drama and my god was he gorgeous in that drama. He was also my favorite character but no one is surprised by this at all)

more fic writer asks | send me asks

#sass answers #jaz 🦄 #more fic writer asks

[laufire]

I borrowed this from someone at dreamwidth and I thought I'd post it over here too: behold, my (completed*) January reading! feel free to borrow the meme yourself.

(list & some thoughts under the cut)

NOVELS

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. This was, technically, a reread. I say technically because I don't remember the last part of the book and now I'm wondering if I DNFed it over a decade ago and completely forgot LMAO. I... could see why. While it's A Classic, and there's plenty to like in the novel, especially in the sisters, the moralising really got to me at some points. The biggest was the one where Jo attends this meeting full of artists and geniuses and political giants ~behaving just like people~~ and this is DEVASTATING to her (and then Bhaer peddles some chrisitanism). Gurl, I would have loved that LOL. But all in all I mostly enjoyed the read. I did it bit by bit, subscribed to The Public Domain Book Club in substack; each month (or, in LW's case, each couple of months) they go through a book. I've kept the subscription for February, where it'll post "Sense and Sensibility", another Jane Austen novel I haven't read.

Lud-in-the-Mist by Hope Mirlees. I fucking ADORED this novel. I've mentioned it in this blog before but I just found it such a treat to read. Mirlees' prose is enticing and enchanting and everything I want mine to be. If you're someone that enjoys a good descriptive, florid style of narration, give this one a shot.

SHORT STORIES

I read three short stories by Angel Carter. The first three in "Burning Your Boats", apparently her earliest work: "The Man Who Loved a Double Bass", "A Very, Very Great Lady and Her Son at Home", and "A Victorian Fable (with Glossary)". They're not nearly as good as the handful of later ones I've read, but I enjoyed seeing some signs of her future style. "A Victorian Fable" was also really interesting in a technical sense.

*I put the cover of the whole book, although those three only form a section of it, just to make this more manageable.

COMICS COMICS COMICS

I'll just list here runs I set out to start and finished. Sometimes that means "reading every appearance of character X", sometimes "reading everything author Y did in this volume", sometimes "this one specific issue-long plot", sometimes it's a run properly speaking.

DC Speechless. Really cute run. Just some popcorn to the brain that you can chill with.

Robin: Year One. A re-read. Sometimes Chuck Dixon writes well. I absolutely don't have to hand it to him though.

The Judas Contract. A staple and a must-read if you're interested in these characters. Tara Markov's characterisation is sure. Something that happened. But unintentionally on the part of the writers, very, very interesting. And I loved reading Joey's introduction! Ngl, I lowkey ship him with Dick. I lowkey ship Dick with a lot of people lol.

Superman: Lost. This run is more interesting in a meta sense than a properly narrative one. I'll have to mull over it.

Oracle: Year One (The Batman Chronicles #5). Another re-read. BTW, it's already suspect that Robin: Year One has FOUR issues (and Nightwing: Year One SIX), AND JOKER IS GOING TO HAVE THREE, but Oracle: Year One is like, 18 pages within a random issue of a Batman-adjacent comic ñlaksdjf. She deserved something longer and plottier. BUT. Those 18 pages are near perfect and a must-read to all DC fans.

The Next Batman: Second Son. About Timothy "Jace" Fox, who was Batman for a little while. I was curious, and it's a really short read (the issues are more webtoon-length than usual comics length). It was fine, but I had set out to read it before I was like, 99% done with Prime Earth lol. I wouldn't read it now and I doubt I'll continue his journey. Sorry Jace, you were alright.

Nightwing/Huntress. Loved it. Gave me a new ship. A bit heavy-handed at times (Devin Grayson's writing gains a lot more subtlety later on), but I still loved it. And the art is gorgeous.

Batman & Son (Batman #655-658). AKA a reread of Damian's introductory arc. Morrison will have to answer for their crimes against Talia lol, but I wanted a refresher.

JLA/Titans. I'd say the same re: Devin's writing (and I'd say the same about the next in the list), but it was also a really enjoyable read. Very long, lots of characters and moving parts, lots of POWER OF FRIENDSHIP Titans stuff but they're messy as fuck (as proved by the continuation of this plot in...).

Titans #1-20, aka Devin's run. LOVED IT. They are SO messy, SO interesting, SO fun to read. The exact opposite of the current Titans run, if you ask me lmao. The character concepts alone... *chef's kiss*.

Devin Grayson's Nightwing run. Oh, this is a controversial one (yes, this one includes the infamous #93, but you have to analyse it in context)... but I adored it. Grayson's writing matured for this one, it's a lot more nuanced, it doesn't lead you by the hand. It was extremely compelling, maybe one of the most compelling storyarcs I've read in DC comics. And ofc, it was cut short and interrupted in an abrupt way by editorial meddling smh. @ dc, fight me.

Far From the Tree (Batman: Gotham Knights #15). I read this one because I wanted a taste for Tim's characterisation under certain circumstances. It's good. Bruce is an ass during it xD

#reading meme #books #comics #dc comics #my thoughts #dc thoughts #dc #id in alt text #captioned #tag game

[awiola]

Normal update, autumn??? XXIII

Okay, so I thought it would be a nice, winter quarterly update but turns out the last one was titled summer and I guess going by calendar, winter barely started so it's??? autumn??? I guess??? Last day of the year but autumn, sure, let's go with that. That being the case, I have no new year's pic for y'all cause I can't draw I was devving uhh, rly hard, let's say. Totally.

Anyway, the mushroom jam has ended and I planned to have a release update BUT THEN I DIDN'T FINISH THE GAME ON TIME YET AGAIN, who would've thought, so, like, there's nothing. I mean, something exists but yeah >_> I'll write a devlog when it finally looks presentable. Moving on...

Current game stuff

The spooktober game has been finished, kinda - The enmity of dead things. It, well, it works and it contains the full script and everything but lacks both art and music cause I couldn't finish it on time laziness goes brrr. Then I wanted a break and worked on other games and kinda left it like that... So that's the first item on my "Finally finish it in 2024, you stupid fuck" list. All in all it wasn't a total failure and I had fun for the most part. Committing to my bad decisions [look at the textbox] is actually the main cause the game wasn't finished on time... You live and don't learn.

The failure of the year... Or quarter at least - Mushroom game. Despite being technically published to add it to the jam, it's so unfinished I won't even link it here. And it's all my fault cause I was being lazy and, as usual, forgot I can't actually program. Yeah...

Helped with Cool Days. There's really not much of my work there, I honestly considered making a new category for games I kinda helped with but tbh the amount of work actually finished was close to zero but hey, it's still more than nothing so Check it out, it has cool graphics.

The ace teens game got shelved/postponed and it's not my fault this time but instead we're working on a fantasy kinda thing for Ace jam [and maybe also Zack jam while we're at it but that might've been said in jest]. Fortunately it's small enough I don't expect any delays. I can say it involves a golem who isn't a humanoid (灬˘╰╯˘灬)♥｡･ﾟ

Now for the big thing.

Fanfares, please.

🎉🎉🎉

IMPOSTOR SYNDROME - is a game for winter jam which also happens to be a demo cause we ran out of time but! - it will be finished soon-ish. I'll share more details in the release devlog so if the link to the game works already, that means the page's up and so is all the info. If it doesn't work, check again in a few hours but I'm assuming most people who actually read all that will do so post winter jam anyway.

Genre wise it's an otome chat sim comedy that's extremely self indulged and I'm not ashamed of that. Gotta make games for yourself and all that. Though, again, my own conribution to the development process remains minimal. I'm truly becoming the idea guy.

The "Finally finish it in 2024, you stupid fuck" list aka the stuff that should've been finished already but isn't

Umm, yeah, everything. Or, to be more specific, Mushroom game and Enmity take priority here but all the other games that needed some quality of life adjustments like making the web build work on mobile etc are also included [which is kinda funny cause a lot of them could be corrected in like an hour if I actually sat and did just that].

It's been more than three years since I released Argousze and yes, you gessed it, it's also unfinished. Which is extra funny in a pathetic way cause it was supposed to be a low effort game with, like, 2k words of wordcount. To be fair I kinda dropped it cause I couldn't design my aliens but maybe I'll actually get a good idea for once and manage to release it on its fourth anniversary. That'd be nice.

Other than that, well... That's more of a resolution than anything but I should stop constantly joining new teams and all... And either take a proper dev break or work on ye olde projects waiting for me since the beginning of HS. I'll become older than my oldest LI before I finish them at this point lol

Pariiish noootiiiceees

This year we're gonna have two new jams instead of one. Stuff happened and yeah. No links just yet cause not only are the pages not finished but there's also no planned date/duration beyond 'sometime in the later part of the year'.

The first jam is Tentacle jam which, I'm pretty sure, would bring us eroges. This was not my intention and all kind of sfw tentacles are allowed but tbh as long as there's a proper story, even a nukige would pass. Basically the rules remain like in all the previous jams I hosted.

The second jam is Insect [adjacent] jam which actually accepts all kinds of arthropods but it started as just insect jam and I wanted to keep the name. So yeah. Obviously more detailed rules of what's allowed would be written on the page when it's up properly and not in a half dead state like right now.

Incidentally, whatever the date ends up being, both of these jams would be hosted at the same time so if you wanted to make a story taking place underwater or something, you could submit it to both of these jams. Neat, right?

That's it for this year.

Over.

#devstuff #vndev #awi update

[xiadz]

Long post, I found a comic book I wrote with friends like 25 years ago and I'm reading it and here are some thoughts lol

In 2nd grade myself and 2 other friends wrote a comic book called Robots Mission to Mars and I thought it was just lost to the ages, a memory where as I get older I'm unsure if I made it up or not. However 2 days ago deep in my grandmother's attic was a random folder that she found and it had 3 different comic books I made and a few drawings, and within it was Robots Mission to Mars. It's surprising cause 1) I was sure it was lost and 2) my grandmother kept NOTHING from my childhood, so it was a complete accident this managed to slip through the cracks. Half of the cover is ripped off but overall the important bits are there complete with elementary school drawings of robots and space ships.

The inside cover even has an advertisement for a future planned "The Star Rocket Robots".

It's obviously poorly written but I'm honestly surprised, we fully came up with a backstory of a spaceship crashing into a kids house, maiming him, or as I wrote, "his arms tore off and his knee down got tore off", and three robots (Musuci, Syber-X, and Gama) survived the crash, saving our hero Johnny by taking him into their underground lab (i mean technically it was underground since they crashed I guess) and the robots fixed him by turning him into a cyborg, they then named him J-7. J-7 then helps rebuild the space station and in the process learns to be a robot. "It had a lab with computers and all that science stuff". By page 4 we are introducing enemy robots with very clear motives, Deathmole, the main bad guy is creating the perfect spy robot, aptly named Spier so he can steal plans. There's a large fight with 3 other evil robots, but since they're robots, Deathmole just makes a stronger and bigger 2.0 version of them.

Anyways I'm just genuinely impressed that as 2nd graders we somehow managed to grasp the concept of semi coherent storytelling and literally the heroes journey, as crude as it may be. It's also ready to be sold to marvel because at one point their space ship blows up and one of the characters simply goes "Well what about our extra space ship Gama? 'Oh I forgot about that one' he responds" Aliens show up for no reason and are unexplained other than they're bad guys. So we're even ready for the MCU.

We even ended on a complete cliffhanger. The last page is just

"Now let the fun begin. Ok let's rock you guys! Computers. Check. Gama screen on. Check. J-7 desk. Check.

I think the desk is meant to be like.. a console lol.

I might scan this and upload it somewhere. Every once in a while I still talk to one of my friends that did the art for some of the robots and we talked about it a few years ago, he'd probably be so fucking stoked to see it. I also think it serves as a neat time capsule into my childhood brain.

In the folder I also have "Scotts Awesome Adventures", which is 2 pages of panel comics that was made by me. Then I also have Pumpkin Man made by the same few of us who made Robots, but I only have the cover for it sadly.

Honestly I think one day I'd like to revisit Robots Mission to Mars. Maybe I'll even finally make that offshoot of The Star Rocket Robots a few decades later, but I don't know if it can live up to the hype.

#personal

[ozymandiasdirge]

list of lines in this unwieldy tome that made me scream with laughter in the local coffee shop book 1: the history of a family

“At the same time, he (fyodor) was all his life one of the most senseless, fantastical fellows in the whole district. I repeat, it was not stupidity--the majority of these fantastical fellows are shrewd and intelligent enough--but just senselessness, and a peculiar national form of it.” This man isn’t stupid he’s just a fucking clown.

“How it came to pass that an heiress, who was also a beauty, and moreover one of those vigorous intelligent girls, so common in this generation, but sometimes also to be found in the last, could have married such a worthless puny weakling, as we all called him, I won’t attempt to explain.” no one even needs to kill fyodor later they literally just did it on page 1

“Many even added that he was glad of a new comic part in which to play the buffoon, and that it was simply to make it funnier that he pretended to be unaware of his ludicrous position. But, who knows, it may have been simplicity.” logan roy if logan roy could commit to the bit

“His behavior as a father was exactly what might me expected. He completely abandoned the child of his marriage with Adelaïda Ivanovna, not from malice, nor because of his matrimonial grievances, but simply because he forgot him.” people will simply ask what is wrong with mitya as if this does not answer that in the form of an essay with mla citation. on that same subject...

“He (Pyotr Alexandovitch Miüsov) used long afterwards to tell as a characteristic touch, that when he began to speak of Mitya, Fyodor Pavlovitch looked for some time as though he did not understand what child he was talking about, and even as though he was surprised to hear that he had a child in the house.” 💀💀💀

“He (mitya) did not finish his studies at the gymnasium, he got into a military school, then went to the Caucasus, was promoted, fought a duel, and was degraded to the ranks, earned promotion again, led a wild life, and spent a good deal of money.” this literally sounds like a blorbo tumblr post, wtf i love you mitya

“The story is that instantly upon seeing him, without any sort of explanation, she gave him two good resounding slaps across the face, seized him by a tuft of hair, and shook him three times up and down.” Ma’am you were on thin ice for what you did/said about Sofya but that was very wig and slay of you.

“In general he (alyosha) seemed scarcely to know the value of money, not, of course, in a literal sense. When he was given pocket money, which he never asked for, he was either terrible careless of it so that it was gone in a moment, or he kept it for weeks together not knowing what to do with it.” omg he’s just like me fr. also youngest sibling disease: terminal.

“Some of my readers may imagine that my young man (alyosha) was a sickly, ecstatic, poorly developed creature,” 😭😭😭 who is saying that

“He (alyosha) only sent word the day before, through a friend, to his brother Dmitri, that he loved him and expected him to keep his promise. Dmitri wondered, for he could not remember what he had promised, that he would do his utmost not to let his heart be provoked by vileness...’Nevertheless I would rather bite my tongue out of my mouth that be lacking in respect to the sainted man whom you revere so highly.’ Dmitri wrote in conclusion. Alyosha was not greatly cheered by the letter.” obsessed with this dynamic dmitri is literally the strong will protect the sweet dot jpeg and alyosha is just :/ 

#the brothers karamazov #long post //

[popculturebuffet]

More Than Meets The Eye Retrospective Interlude: Last Stand of the Wreckers (Comissioned by Brotoman.EXE

Hello all you happy autobotsand get ready to wreck and rule as it's time for a short detour in our voyage on the lost light. As I mentioned last time Brotoman .EXE paid me generouslly, so as a result your getting a nice extra bonus, something that's a bit of a spirtual prequel and explains what the deal is with Fort Max and Overlord.

It's a fitting part of this retrospective though, as it's likely thanks to this book we GOT MTMTE in the first place as it's intial creative team worked on this book. Nick Roche, the artist for the first arc or two of MTMTE and it's cover artist for most of it's run, was tapped to write the book. As far as I can find from the transformers wiki edtiorial came up iwth the idea and just threw it at Nick. Oh and to make things worse, as he realized during an interview, the page quote for the TF WIki:

KP: "…and obviously, we've got Wreckers." NR: "Wot?" KP: "Wreckers… no? Um, a bunch of guys…" NR: "Great balls, I'm supposed to be [expletive deleted] writing and drawing that!

One, Great Balls may be one of the greatest oh fuck exclimations i've ever heard, and two, I can't blame him and given how messy those comics were it's not a suprise the project really had no more planning or through than "Hey you make a comic based on these guys fans like. " Thankfully his friend James Roberts gladly jumped at the chance, cementing both's careers and gracing us with MTMTE. While Roberts cut his teeth a bit more with Chaos Theory, which we'll get to, this work, while co-written has a LOT of his hallmarks: it deals with the effects and grey areas of war, focuses on smaller time autobots, and has small flecks of his later worldbuilding. it also somehow has lots of setup for more than meets the eye depsite only one of it's main cast joining the last light. As I read it I forgot that Aquetius is VITALLY importnat for the MTMTE season one finale.

What seperates it is tone. MTMTE is an adventure story that while not remotely shying away from darkness, has plenty of comedy, heart, and a hopeful tone, about a bunch of people who are lost and find each other. LSOTW… is a grim war tale where characters die at a pretty even clip (though the finale does take the most), some of our heroes morals are questionable, and while our heroes do some good… if the result was worth it is left an open question. It's a fairly bleak work, but it's also easy to see why i'ts a fan faviorite and if you havne't experinced this yourself or maybe you just haven't read in a while, join me bellow as I chronicle the last stand of the wreckers… ironically the first of the trilogy. Had to get that out of my system.

We open with a flashback to three years ago at Garrus-9 Penitentiary. Garrus-9 was created earlier in the IDW Continuity, basically an autobot supermax prison. It's not a shock then that Fort Max is thee warden, as he's a city sized boy.

Said flashback takes place during All Hail Megatron, where thanks to Megatron getting the autobot master codes every autobot outpost fell at once. G-9 hasn't fallen yet as only Fort Max has the codes.. but it's still HEAVILY under siege as Megatron naturally still wants it and unlike Fort Max, he can actually send reinforcements.

Unfortunately for Skyquake, the bot running the op…. he gets a visitor.

So to my shock in doing research, i.e. going to the exaustive tfwiki, Overlord.. ISN'T someone Roberts and Roche created, but a villian from the Super-God Masterforce anime… and his origin there is while wholly irrelvant to our purposes, is gloriously ludcrious. Okay so some… orb looking growth named Devil-Z wanted to create super transformers known as godmasters, combining lifeless shells called transectors with humans who can turn into metal, with Overlord as the head of his own fleet of deceptions.

I now want to review whatever the fuck this is at some point as … seriously what. What was the sentence I just spat out. He begins roberts habit of using transformers born from the various post g1 anime for his works, though Overlord showed up in megatron origin before this. I honestly love it as it's a way for these formers to get a bigger audience, while also using a massive amount of prime and megatron level threats that are just lying around. Just because he can't use say beast wars or a lot of the much later stuff (I suspect as we only start getting that towards the end of this continuity), dosen't mean he dosen't have a wide bench to pull from.

Overlord is charismatic, powerful, giant even by transformers standards and terrifys the crap out of every con present, the exception being their commanding officer.. who makes the mistake of not getting Overlord is the captain now and thus gets a hole in him. Overlord succesfully takes G-(.. and more deistressingly lAYS OUT FORT MAX.

His plans however are not megatrons and he intends to make G-9 his own twisted kingdom: No one leaves, but as long as they listen to him he'll protect and entertain them, starting with a rousing game of "do what you want to fort max as long as it dosen't kill him. " And this.. is the last we see of him this series. He'll surivive.. but we now see why his first response to two cons .. was a ptsd fueled nightmarish beatdown and honestly the tourture is worse than I remember: he spent TWO YEARS being tortured as a plaything for every non autobot prisoner on the planet and that's just the gen pop, it's hard to tell what Overlord did but it can' tbe plesant. The scene also sets the tone iwth a spray of purple robo-blood: this work is going to be gory, and not in a "their robots we can blow them up" way but in a "Charles Lee Ray would giggle wildly at what we're about to put you through" way. …. and having made that joke I can't help but imagine a buddy sitcom starring overlord and chucky. Maybe Me3gan could be the wacky neighbor.

We cut next to a fueling station 8 months ago where we meet 4 new recurits to the wreckers. The Wreckers are basically the suicide squad meets x-force; they have the latter's "black ops wing that takes on dangerous missions and offsets the more squeaky clean main team) and the formers very high morality rate and use of characters who aren't as high profile… so it creates actual tension of them dying and not coming back.

This trope is known as c-list fodder. It's a very tricky trope to use as there's a very fine line between "Using the fact a character isn't protected by editiroial to create dramatic tension with their death and to use the death as a story device" and "To pick characters off a list to murder because you needed some shock value". Or for you fellow transformers fans the diffrence between optimus prime's death, a big shocking gutpunch that while done for silly reasons, really changed the game and was done well.. and the various other transformers in the same film who were just murdered hand over fist because their toys were discontinued.

Roberts thankfully uses it well: he does what I love comic creators to do, take lesser known characters and really highlight them and give them personalitiy. It's thanks to him I even know overlord existed. He and Roche make these guys at least sympathetic.. but also are aware it makes them expendable. It's why MTMTE works as well: it dosen't squander it's characters.. but the fact only a handful are big names, means most of the cast dosen't have plot armor. Sure Hot Rod, Ultra Magnus and Ratchet are probably fine, but Tailgate, Swerve… their all far more vunerable. It means the actions of our crew have consequences and if someone does die.. they stay dead. Well… kinda. But we'll get to that.

So on a refuling station we get to meet Pyro, a big optimus wannabe wearing a nice faceplate, Ironfist, a wreckers superfan and weapons expert, rotorstorm, a cool as hell looking plane guy whose a tad trigger happy, and Guzzle… he sure is there.

And once again i'm plesantly suprised to find most of these guys .. arne't new inventions. Ironfist was a late g1/early g2 (i.e. they repackaged his toy ina g2label) lightformer… basically two transformers, one on each side, who transformed into a weapon for their altmode (along with a jeep for osme reason, dn't ask). Why this is called light former

Guzzle was part of one of the various uk only stories, which given Roberts is from the UK and grew up with those is probably not remotely a concidence, Rotorstorm was part of the turbomasters line and a europe exclusive (agan likely not a concidence), and pyro likewise was uk exclusive. In shor their all obscure, presumibly very hard to come by characters who only existed to pad toylines for the most part, with Guzzle being the only one in an actual story till this point. The fact I thought all of them were orignal creatiions speaks to both how deep a bench roberts and roche had to work with, and how deep they'll pull from it.

They board a ship which belongs to Ultra Magnus. Yes our faviorite tight ass is here though only in a supporting roll. But since he's busy probably dusting every inch of his giant ship, their greeted by verity.

Now i know you have a lot of questions such as "who is this', "Why is she here" and "Why is she in short shorts and a sports bra". In order this is Verity Carlo, one of the early human companions from this continuity, having been one of the ones to find out about the transformres. She actually had a fairly close friendship with Ratchet who disobeyed orders multiple times to help them all. She and her friends went through some shit , one of them becoming a headmaster and it was not plesant, before she ran off and became a friend of ultra magnuses. As for the latter.. I ssupect someone in editorial wanted some fanservice, and roberts and roche kept it to resonable levels, i.e. her wearing this since she has a robot exo suit and thus can't very well wear a full outfit under it.

Their banter is interrupted by Springer, the leader of the wreckers who I forgot was in transformers the movie, and thus is part of the second generation of g1 autobots. He's also a triple changer which is neat and heavily assocaited with the wreckers. Twin Twist and Top Spin are brothers and jumpstarters, robots with the gimmick of being able to change in a fraction of an instant. The duo were actually OG wreckers, debuting in their first apperance along with Impactor, the original leader who Springer took over for there too. We also have perceptor who I liked in what i've read of the g1 comics but here is just kinda walpapery, and that applies to lost light too as he only makes a big move.. later. Shall we say, and Kup.

Yeah I love Kup, having met him in transformers the movie as a grouchy old vet helping some new fresh faced autobots. So the fact he's here and still has the cigar, fucking amazing. I love him.

There are a few bits here from the original pitch I wish were kept: Springer being reluctant to welcome more bots to their death and having to brace himself, said bots being recurited in part because after the Megatron Incident, their strapped for recurits. Not really missed is springer and co going to earth for white castle and underwear for verity. I mean I do wnat to see a bunch of autobots go to a white castle but I get that that bit migh tof been a bit too much for this gritty war epic.

Anyways the mission is to take Garrus-9 back.. but with no knoweldge that OVERLORD is the one behind it. Wuh-oh.

We get a brief flashback to two years ago again: ther'es a hunting party going on, which amounts to just overlord letting cons loose after an unlucky autobot. Overlord comes along but only watches because as he puts it "the result would be the same every time." Overlord, evne before we get to his actual motive, is already a compelling foe, charasmatic, sweeping.. and utterly terrifying, gladly killing both the target and the con he nearly killed while one Decepticon, Snare, looks over the scene pensively.

Back on the ship, Ironfist has a bit of an episode but wakes up fine. We also find out he's fistiron, the wreckers unoffical bigorapher and #1 fan, something the vetran wreckers thik is cute at best, but break it to him his heroes are just.. guys.

Meanwhile Kup tries to get through to Springer whose both bothered by sending more fresh faced bots out to di… and while he denies it to Kup , they both know someone here.

Another flashback, this time overlord oversees a pit fight where Kickoff, another autobot kills a decipticon to surivive and gets to choose.. his reward. We'll get back to that later. Like Roberts, Roche is VERY good at setting things up.

Issue one ends with our heroes nearing G-9 when they find a deceipticon ship that looks badly beat up. They try hailing it.. only for it to explode and we end issue one with Impactor coming out of it asking to come aboard.

Issue 2 opens with another flashback

Yeah this one reveals at least part of his motivation as Overlord dominates a battlefield only to have to leave for an office meeting with megatron. He's finalized his invasion protcols, something from Furman's run. He's made Overlord a phase Sixer, basically once a planet is near collapse he comes in and finishes it. Overloard isn't entuhsed but this being megatron.. he gives him two options…

Back on Magnus' ship, the younger wreckers are left in a room bantering a bit while the vgetran guard and magnus oversee impactor. As it turns out he was sent to G-9 and why we don't know why just yet, it's clear Impactor hasn't forgiven him while Springer is still fully behind doing so, even if he deeply regrets what im'pactors been through. Also if yoru curious what Magnus was up to he was kinda just floating in space doing justice things and being awesome.

Impactor.. was also the founder and dosen't take kindly to springer bossing him around. He does find out about overlord and the basic situation. We also find out why Magnus isn't coming and why they'v eneeded his ship: his ship can barely carry him and verity at warp, and he's both needed on earth.. and needs plausable deniablity. Given what a stickler he is, he coudlnt' relaly stomach what their going to have to do for a job like this.. and this is before he had a stick jammed up his ass so far you can see it when he talks, so you can imagine what MTMTE Magnus would feel about this… if he could feel at this point in the series.

Anyway Kup talks up overlord a bit more: he was Megatron's last resort: if someone couldn't get the job done he sent him in, as powerful as any of his strongest. Unlike the rest though he didn't have a gun pointed at Megatron's back or shout "MEGATRON IS DEAD OVERLORD IS THE NEW LEADER" every time Megatron got a cold. He just wanted to commit genocide and was good at it and Kup implies the reaassigment (which he isn't aware of), was because Megatron is apparently so bad at picking and choosing his inner circle that the ONLY ONE not wanting to put a bullet between his eyes is soundwave. He's also the only one tha tgets him a birthday card without being threatned. Had a 50 dollar Decipticon Outback Steakhouse giftcard in it too. Really nice guy that soundwave.

The plan though is largely the same and has two goals: save the autobots prisoners and find aquetius. They'll be taknig two droppods piloted by rotorstorm and hopefully surivive. I also love how springer closes the breifing "What could possibly go right?". It sells these guys as loveable brusiers.. though sadly this story own't be as sunny as tha tmakes it sound.

We get a nice page of character stuff: the rookies minus rotorstorm get cerebro senstive bullets, they target the brain module basically, Impactor sits silently, the twins talced about how their thoughts overlap, magnus worries about ironfists brekaout and verity prepares to stow away not wanting ot go back to earth. And because she apparently has just as much of a death wish as all of themn.

The wereckers split into two parts: Rotorstorm, Perciptor, Topsin and Ironfist, and Springer, CKup, Impactor, Twin Twist and Guzzle.

Verity is also on team Rotorstorm as our heroes crash into the barrier and while our heros have a decent short action sequence with Percy doing the one cool thing he does and having someone hol dhim while he shooots.. our heroes both crash and Verity ends up right at Overlords feet "Now? Now things go from bad to much worse"

WE open issue 3 with ANOTHER flashback. Yeah I rib these.. but they are a valuable part of things as they really help flesh overlord out. He lets Shockwave go, whose fine with letting him run wild as it helps his own plans. Shockwave besides being one of the most famous and awesome looking g1 transformers and as you can probably guess a faviorite of mine will be vitally important to the overal story of season 1 of both More Than Meets the Eye and it's sister series Robots in Disguise, so i'm happy to see him cameo here. Shockwave can see what this really is:

And Overlord has every intention of finishing megs when he finally does notice him. Back on G9, we have a nice bit as the wreckers handbook fistiron describes is torn to shreds as Team Springer fights. Back with Team Rotorstorm.. he makes a combiner joke in the face of their imminent death.. and of all people to find it funny… (finger poke of doom)

Yeah that finger poke of doom signals our first death of MANY. And to help sell just how much of our cast does not make it out of this i've made this handy graphic, to update each time one of our heroes doesn't make it, to hammer home just what a shit show this mission is. I'm also throwing Snare in ther eas whlie he dosen't FULLY join the team, he helps out enough that the possiblity of him dying counts.. and we needed an even 12 for this graphic to work so he'll do. So a long time ago during one of the various event comics, Wizard Magazine's website did a graphic where it x-ed out characters as they died in an event. While I do feel that's a bit.. bleh given how event comics tend to treat bodycounts, the visual did stick.. and sicne this one treats it's own bodycount seriously, i'm doing something similar every time one of the wreckers bites. Ther'es a point to this I assure you but for now

Back with Team Springer he decides to split up gang so we have Team Kup with just.. him and GUzzle and Team Springer is now just him, impactor and one of the twins who drills his way in whiel the other feels the injury. Yeah these two have that twin pyschic connection you often seen in media but less bullshit because their robots so it's plausbale their souls are literally linked.

Back at the pit with team.. i guess Ironfist now, I mean perceptor takes lead but scrap if i'm giving him top billing, though he does put up a decent fight with overlord, the team gets smacked around pretty easily and while Team Springer has more luck… they quickly get overwhelmed by a security device leaving all three incapacitated. This gets overlords attenion so he sicks his hoard on them: Bring him a wrecker head, you get to leave. We also get a nice joke as they pause a second "What are you waiting for a starting gun? Get them!"

So while percy is able to get them some room, tha tleaves team iron fist up shits creek looking for aqutis and fist himself in a pancked ball in the corner. Topspin.. is a dick to him for seeing this as some big adventure, despite the fact he's clearly naive and has caused a lot of death as we'll find out. Percy get sthem to can it and they head down. He does explained the branch spark problem and the fact that he was a cartographer: he was fine as a non ncombatant.. but feeling his twins pain meant it was kinda hard to do that, so he joined the team to keep an eye on his brother.

The issue ends as our team finds aquetias and one of the deciptcons prepares to start toruturing team springer, starting with Twin Twist, the kind of sentence that reminds me why I do this job as I can type that like ti's a completely normal sentence.

Issue 4 and we're at the Kimia weapons facility which i'm sure is close to the Alluria weapons facility. Anyways Prowl shows up

And turns out to be why Ironfist is on the team as he vetoed one of Springer's selections and agreed to give Ironfist his dream job.. if he agreed to do something. And given this is prowl and in the small time we've seen him so far he's railed against peacetime, flipped tables and gotten butthurt at his ex boyfriend for you know.. NOT wanting to do brain reading psy ops anymore. And somehow "convincing someone with a head injury, who badly wants a job to do his dirty work" .. is n't even close to the worst shit he's both done and will do at this point.

Team Kup is at the cells in present day, trying to free Grimlock

… only for him to be gone already.

Granted we will catch up with my faviorite Autobot later, but it's still sad to not see everyone's faviorite barbarian asshole murder T-Rex. Snare shows up though admitting both he was the one who freed impactor and that he's on their side.

At aqueatis it's.. a thing a super computer. Understandably Verity has a few questions

Both valid questions. I mean I think the first is because the transformers themselves.. are mostly massive and even the small ones are still pretty touring hence a super computer for them is the size of god's faviorite testicle. We'll get to what that means as Topspin has an attack, so while Verity and Ironfist take care of him, Percy explains what it is to pyro: this area is a courtroom and Aquetius is the judge of all judges. It's still not 100% clear but part of why this work works is the reveals are slow.. but well paced. THeir done in a way that feels organic and makes perfect sense in hindsight: Aquetius obviously wasn't a person and it makes perfect since trials would be done at a prison, especially when Autobots will not hestiate to send their own here if they did bad enough.

Back in the torture chamber, Twin Twist has thankfully passed out from the pain. Springer and Impactor decide now as their getting a break from being tortured to death… would be a good time to argue about their split: Springer admits he thought Impactor would get therapy or something, not this, and Impactor bites back after his testimony, he would. He also thought Impactor would get spark extraction, which is what this chamber is usually for; putting a spark aside and likely putting it back in. Problem is you have to admit guilt and while Springer feels bad, he's still pissed.

We FINALLY find out why their at odds and why Springer did what he did from Ironfist, a nice use of both having Verity around, who for the first three chapters feels entirely superflous, ahnd of iron fists fandom: the rest of them would all know on some level what actually happened or at least guess, but Verity woudln't. Vcerity isn't a bad character, she was great in the furman run, but she feels quippy in a way that just dosen't quite mesh with the story. Her lines feel more manufactured in comparison to the rest of the jokes, like our dynamic duo are more writing lines for a sitcom than a war drama with jokes in it.

Ironfist explains that the conflict boils down to Squadron X, basically the wrecker's evil knockoff, with Impactor being undrestandably obessed with bringing down his twisted mirror and finally doing so on pova: the battle was fierec,e even icnluding our old buddy whirl, but Springer made the sacrifice to have Impactor shoot through his midsection. Our heroes won, but Squadron X Escaped forcing IMpactor to tkae them down single handed.

What I like here is that it tells the story.. but even before the big twist on it later.. you can tell something is off. Thi sis more a typical transformers tale, minus the ribcage shot.. but it dosen't seem like what IMpactor did was bad or worth imprisonment. That Ironfist has the tsory to a degree.. but something important is missing, something he dosne't know. It nicely sums up his problem and a key theme of the work: To Ironfist these are rouge heroes doing what they must to get by , but really.. these are just people and people can be heroes, the two aren't exclusive.. but sometimes people fuck up, or have to do questionable things to surivive. It undercuts the whole franchise which despite being a war.. is often just colorful heroes fighting colorful villans. There's nothing wrong with that.. but it undercuts the parts of war that are hard: sacrifice, the hard choices, the grey areas. IT's really something that leaks into Robert's entire work: as i've said before he dosen't demonize the autobots but he also dosen't make it where Decipticons being evil.. means every autobot was a clear cut babyface hero who did the right thing. It's not a "one side had flaws therefore neither ar eblameless", it's hammered in just how brutal and cruel the cons were. He avoids that trap.. but he adds shades of grey that are just hard to put into a children's cartoon at times. The closest we've gotten is animated adding a thick layer of beuarcary and even then it was mostly just one smug jackass who was only effective a few times. |

So we're at Aquetius where this becomes horrifyingly apparent: The key is locked and without max there's only one way to gain access: spark donation. Pyro.. is a dick about it, saying he shoudl die in a blaze of glory. He's not at ALL wrong about part of it, that him, ironfist and presumibly the other rookies being here in case they needed a warm body, was fucked up as Percy is the one operating it and killing one twin kills the other. But him throwing Ironfist under the buss? Saying he hasn't lived? Basically throwing one of his own companions undre the bus so he can live just because he's delusional enough to think 'hes good enough to shine optimus' boots…

We do get Iron Fist's backstory even fi he dosen't say it..a dn it's tragic

It decnoustcts the gadgeter type of transformer like wheeljacks.. inevfeitbly.. they'd of had to make weapons… he's lived his whole life loosing anything, creating dangerous weapons, and wishing he coudl do things diffrent. His whole fantasy with the wreckers.. was to be the hero for once.. but now he's just fodder. They never cared about him or if he lived or not and at least Percy, who as you can tell I do not like and this story does not help at all nor will later events, dosen't seem to care at implicilty bringing companions just to kill one.

Thankfully Topspin is getting please kill me messages from his twin.. well okay tha'ts not necessarily good but it means he can make the sacrifice and is glad to: instead of dying screaming.. they can die having done something good, activating the computer and saving two lives. It's a truly tragic yet awesome moment.

The decepticons at the door are close though so Percy downloads Aequitus into Ironfist.

Team Kup thankfullys hows up to save the torture victims, but sadly Snare is killed by mr. torture man whose name I forgot, and has to be mercy killed by impactor, but gets a nice closing speech about how Overlord giving him the right to choose.. and realizing form that he could choose to do better.

And thus Springer, who originally was going to sidestep overlord if possible… decides fuck it. He's going down. And since he's coming their way that makes it easy. So as that fight prepares to begin another kicks up as Percy can kill all the cons…. but would kill impactor as a former prisoner too. And while Pyro refuses and Percy votes yes becaus efuck him… Ironfist shockingly ALSO votes yes now knowing exactly what happened, bringing us to our final issue.

We get some great narration from fistiron as we we go for this one "It's a story of sacrifice, and betryal of good people dying in stupid pointless ways"

Guzzle gets torn in half.. but shockingly ISN'T dead. Yeah he'll be fine and apparently shows up in the sequel. The fight is brutal, and awesome, and Impactor even takes out one of overlord's eyes. Shockingly his reactoin isn't this

But "Come and get me bitch". I mean he didn't say that but i'm shocked no character in transformers ever has. I knokw Starscream would. We all know he would.

And we get to why verity is here as she convinces Ironfist that this isn't what the wreckers do.. not the real ones… but Fistirons. As he puts it he made them heroes and no matter what impactor's done.. killing him to save their asses isn't waht they do. Or what they shoudl be. It's a call to be more from someone whose seen what a wrecker is firs thand.. but can also see their good people who can do better. So Pyro offers to hold the line and die to save them .

The others are able to run.. but Pyro dies fast.

And now things are safe, Verity admits that.. ti does kinda matter what impactor did. I mean it didnt' in the broader since but she's curious.

So it turns out in one of the best once more with clarity flashbacks i've seen… everything was about the same.. but starting from the gutshot… it was all one big lie. Impactor came up with the idea to shoot through springer, he coudln't turn off pain receptors as the previous version said and Springer begged him not to. That enoguh is to show Impactor isn't a great person and to see why Springer didn't like him.

What sets this off though.. is Prowl. WHen Impactor calls it in, it turns out the Povans have an exemption treaty and they have to let Squadron X go, who were fitted with dampaneers and entirely helpless. Impactor.. dosen't take this and while him being pissed a tthis is understandable and refusing to comply equally so, as it's a bunch of rampnt murders.. his next act.. is every bit as horrible and worthy of punishment as built up to: he goes into the room, locks it.. and slaughters EVERY LAST ONE ONE OF THEM in cold blood> No heroic stand, no nothing.. just murder. They may be bad people… but it dosen't justify slaughter.

We get back to the battle though where Overlord's almost won.. and part of their obejective.. is done. Turns out Team Kup didn't free the prisoners.. because Overlord ordered them all killed the second he had a wiff of the wreckers coming. This mission.. was almost all for nothing. Thankfully team Ironfist arrives, and saves our heroes, with iron fist gifting Springer a gun… sadly springer can't enjoy it as he gets his face torn off seconds later. That's not me being glib that's what happened and i'll spare you the site. Once again he's somehow NOT DEAD.

Ironfist does get an awesome moment though as it turns out th egunw as infecting him with compliance chips, the kind that go off in the brain that our heroes almost acitvated… and having aquetius he has the code.. and simply nods his head to lite overlord up, his brain shortcircuting afterwords. Overlord rises because he has the resilance of a chucky doll btu Verity is able to truly defeat him in spirit as just like the autobots.. his goals amoutned to almost nothing: Megatron is dead and never cared before he died. He'll be back of course, we'll ge tto that, but it means this was once again pointless. Which feels ironically like the pipnt: war is often pointless and the goals.. often don't equal the cost.

This allows ironfist to sucker him but he dose not kill the bastard. This will naturally backfire eventually.. but he did it for the right reasons: He realized Springer was right; even if they deserve dit.. he had no right ot kill them. It wasn't his place.. so he's going to make sure overlord stands trial for all he did.

We end on the ship with Magnuses report: The deciptcons fled, most of the team is dead, and impactor got pardoned but took off with guzzle. As for Iron Fist… he died in transit, verity sobbing over his corpse. Another pointless causlaity of this mission. and our final one thankfully.

But as you can see out of the bots that went in only half walked out, nad none of them okay: Springer is on life support and as we learned in MTMTE, was nearly kileld by Whirl as a mercy, so he hasn't gotten better in present day and might never recover, Ironfist has reformed but he and guzzle have left the autobots for parts unknown, and Kup and Verity are left emotionally scarred. Magnus asks Prowl abotu the aragment and the two talk. As it turns out Prowl wanted aquetius despite being against it and acountablity of any shape and form

Yeah prowl was against the tons of autobot attorcite sbeing laid out and worried it'd be ultimate con propoganda if it got out. Magnus gives the slug to prowl.. but urges him not to destroy it. No one would know.. but all of this would be worth nothing. IT's about acountablity, tha tno one is above the law and what they did was right. it was also held over by chief justice tyrest, whose accords Magnus enforces..a nd who likewise will be very important later. So we end on Verity who decides the moral of this is life persists. That even in the grimmest darkness.. we move on.. and hopefully learn from our mistakes. It's why Aquetius was necessary: it's easy to say something was for the greater good.. btu the hardest thing is to admit your mistakes, what you did and face up to them. It's why I hate prowl so much: He cars more about the neublous "Mission" than about keeping the high ground while pulling it off. about being a good person. It's hard in war.. but as we saw today it wasn't possible.

As should be clear by now Last Stand is a classic and if you love transformers, worth a read. It's a tragic tale of war, loss, and life persiting and while it's not necessary for MTMTE it really ties into it well and is worth a quick read after the first arc or so. and it was well worth this review. The Wreckers would ge tfollowed up on, something I both haven't read and will likely get to at some point but for now we pivot back to the lost light next time.. just int ime for a hostage situation!

Thanks for reading have a great day

#james roberts #nick roche #transformers #springer #kup #overlord #perceiptor #ironfist #pyro #guzzle #idw #Youtube

[zannolin]

2, 3, 6 (for three's a crowd), 15, 17, 18 for the fae au, 23, 28 for the ask game!

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

screaming @ how accurate these are and also the jump between the first two. i'm such a hurt comfort girlie.

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

oh look i made a bingo for this that basically sums it up. throw in a little religious trauma and aro confusion. for flavor.

6. What’s one fact about the universe of [insert fic] that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

ohhh three's a crowd ur my fav person ever for asking this. there's actually a lot of little details and content that got cut from it while i was writing simply because it was so damn long and stuff that i liked conceptually didn't end up fitting in by the time i got around to writing. a couple things would be that riley has a lucky hoodie (the one he's wearing most of the first movie); as more time goes on, unless he's at some kind of event, he actually goes back to wearing hoodies and his glasses more than suits and contacts because (in this fic universe anyway) he was dressing professionally to try to be taken more seriously and eventually gave up/realized his friends care about him whether he's in glasses or not; and also, regardless of if emily and patrick got remarried after BoS, emily did not change her last name (back?) to gates. FUCK canon. canon is so wrong for that. that is dr. emily APPLETON. i stand by this.

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

oh it's so harddd to choose. i think the award still has to go to without anesthetic bc man. i love my silly little fey worldbuilding. i love it so much. but the polar express au remains beloved in my heart.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

i want to take the characters from the man from snowy river (1983) and i want to put them into the scorpio races universe. as a treat. for me. world's most bonkers niche fic i am the ONLY person in the target audience the target audience is when i look in the mirror. and i don't care i love it. some honorable mentions would be megstine (meg/christine from phantom of the opera) paranormal investigator au where christine is haunted and goes to meg for help; a truman show au for shazam; there was literally another that was so wildly unhinged and i forgot what it was while typing the rest of them out...rip me. it was good tho. maybe some qibli/winter/moonwatcher fic idk.

18. If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it involve?

oh for the fey au that's easy. i'll never write it since those days are gone but i told moth the one thing that i thought about writing but never got a chance to was wil meeting cornerwitch q. there just wasn't a very logical place to fit it into the narrative so they never actually interacted which is kind of a bummer but also it wasn't necessary for the story, so.

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

[chanting] timeloop timeloop TIMELOOP

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them? If so, who?

no beta we die like i do every time i clock on at work. the only people who read my fics before they're posted would be whichever friend happens to be interested in the fandom i'm writing for and thus gets snippets dropped in dms on occasion. usually that means it's blu lol.

thank you for the asks <3

ask game!

#answered asks #anonymous

[charlezarrd]

I posted 880 times in 2022

100 posts created (11%)

780 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-backspin-alchemist

@simplyghosting

@kirtini

@ultipoter

@lieutenant-sarcastic

I tagged 872 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#coolposts - 272 posts

#inspiration - 67 posts

#backspin - 63 posts

#tag games - 47 posts

#my writing - 46 posts

#novembeat 2022 - 44 posts

#novembeat collab - 42 posts

#ask games - 37 posts

#friend art - 28 posts

#golden sun - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#maybe i just need that data transfer cable but i don’t really want to leave it plugged into the headset while i’m moving around a lot yknow

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Lately I’ve been feeling in… A massive creative slump. And by ‘lately’ I mean the past couple years.

It seems like i can’t have an idea or start a writing project without abandoning it. Even as passionate as I was about SHY, i now feel nothing for it.

I actually do feel like that’s part of the problem, is that no one engages with my work. But then again, I have to actually make stuff for people to engage with it, so that’s kind of a catch 22.

There was also Dragon Ball: After Death, and a TMA fan story, too. Neither of which got very far before I abandoned them. Even some more original stories have completely faded from my imagination.

I’ve tried keeping a ‘writing journal’ where I write three pages every week of anything. I’ve tried holding myself to a small word count every day. These things worked for a short period of time before I just forgot to do them.

I really don’t understand why I can’t seem to gain any momentum on anything.

I know all the basic advice, “the best way to start writing is to start writing”, “the best writers read”, and so on. Anything you can just google, i know. I need something deeper.

Are there any writers out there that can help me? I really don’t know what to do.

6 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

#4

11/30/22 - In the Hall of the Golden Goddess

There it is, folks. The last entry for Novembeat this year. Hope you enjoyed. Let me know which one was your favorite if you want. Keep an eye out for @the-backspin-alchemist's music for my stuff, and I'll probably be making a masterpost for all this tomorrow, if I have time.

See you next year!

Or, yknow. Next week if you're following me here.

Lanter enters Tasimira’s hall, the gilded casino, with rows of gambling tables on each side of him, framed by golden pillars.

At the far end, on a throne of dice, sits the Goddess of Fate and Chance herself, as tall as five men.

“Well, well.” She says. “If it isn’t my delinquent proxy. Did you come to apologize for ignoring me, or did you just miss our face-to-face talks that much?”

“Shut your mouth.” Lanter tells her.

He stands at his full height, ready for a confrontation. He’s only able to make eye contact with her knee.

“Excuse me!?” She blinks, taken aback.

“I’ve met your sons, and I’ve met your daughters. Not all of them, but enough. I see through your facade now. I know you never intended to follow through on the deal we made, did you? It didn’t matter how much money I gathered for you, you never had the power to bring her back.”

“Now. The situation was fairly complicated…” Tasimira frowns.

“No. No, it wasn’t.” Lanter interrupts her. “Shut up and let me finish. You’re a fucking child playing with people’s lives. You had all the guts to stand up and declare yourself queen at the beginning of time, and yet, I have yet to see evidence of you actually wield that title with any level of authority or responsibility.”

“Hold on. To be fair, it wasn’t me that took your fiancee. That was entirely Nera’s doing.” Tasimira holds up a hand to stop him, as if defending herself from his words.

“And now you’re deflecting your responsibility onto the goddess of Pain and Death. If you were really going to act like a queen, you’d keep the rest of your pantheon in line.”

“What are you trying to get at? I’m a very busy goddess, so would you mind getting to the point?” Tasimira sighs.

He’s starting to get under her skin.

Good.

“That you’re either an incompetent fool of a goddess, or you’re outright malicious. Either way, you’re entirely unfit to be a goddess at all, let alone Queen of the Pantheon.” Lanter spits on the floor.

“How dare you. I won’t stand for such acquisitions. Why, I have half a mind to smite you in a thousand different ways this instant!” Tasimira glares at him

“But you won’t.” Lanter smirks. “Because you need me. I’m your agent of chaos, your rogue agent. I’m the wildcard. Without people like me, your ‘story’ falls apart. Whatever you want, you need conflict. It fuels you. You crave drama. And you need me to make that happen.”

Tasimira sighs, and slumps down in her throne sullenly. “Well, then what now? What will the ever observant Lanter Spade do next?”

“Whatever the fuck I want.” Lanter tells her. “Since I know you’re not gonna do jack shit about it. Next time you give me a mission or an order or whatever you call it, I’ll decide if it’s worth my time or not. Because now I see through your facade. And I’m not gonna let you fuck with me anymore. And boy I’m gonna make you regret making me your proxy. Because I’m the only person I know that’s more petty, more selfish, and more malicious than you are.”

With that as his last word, he turns and leaves Tasimira’s hall, flipping her off on the way out. No doubt she’ll be sulking about this one for the next few years, if not a couple hundred.

6 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

#3

000000 QAN[T] Raiser GN Full Twenty Sword Final Battle GN Particle Accelerator Type

12 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

#2

$35 SD Sinanju kit.

Comes with all these extra really big parts for some reason.

20 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i’m honestly shocked there’s not a larger horror community here on tumblr.

I mean sure, yeah, all right, The Magnus Archives blewed up,

But what about Marble Hornets? That seems right up tumblr’s alley, where’s that fandom at?

And while I’m at it, where’s the Mandela Catelogue fandom? There’s enough going on there to speculate for years even though there isn’t much source material.

And you’re sleeping hard on Darkness Under My Bed, too, istg. Y’all like Markiplier but not horror games?? Bruh, Markiplier is what got me into horror games.

And for all the talk about “biblically accurate” this and that, i’m sure seeing a lot of not-the FAITH series by Airdorf.

Anyway, I think ppl should give some of this stuff a try. Or at least have their dark and mysterious cards revoked, if they’re too chicken.

22 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Well all right #I genuinely expected something different but I'm not sure why. #I don't make a lot of original posts because they don't get notes much #Unless I talk about vtubers I guess #But that was a unique case and I won't be doing that again.

[theotherackerman]

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan or the Beach Read  

Chapter Three:

------------------------

Mikasa was at war with this story. She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, uncapping it as she walked back over to her laptop. 

Nothing. 

Nothing new.

Nothing old.

Just a blank page. 

Staring at her.

Mocking her. 

If her laptop had a face, she would punch it. 

It hadn’t even been this hard to write when Porco and her had divorced. In fact, she wrote chapter after chapter. Not stopping. 

Porco entered the haunted house. 

He was torn apart by succubus because he doesn’t know how to keep his pants closed. 

Too cruel? 

 Probably. 

But I just need to get words on this fucking page or Jean is going to kill me in September. 

I was never bad at this before.

Why can’t I write anymore? 

Where is my head? 

Where is my heart? 

I’m starting to think I don’t have one. 

I’m guessing Eren is next door just cranking out his next book. 

Some lovey bullshit about how love conquers all. 

Sadly love does not conquer all. 

Especially when you're a soulless black hearted bitch whose ex husband cheated on you with your only friend in Los Angeles and your two best friends have to come pack up all your shit and then move you back in with your uncle. Where everything is hard and your thoughts constantly wander back to that time you walked in and what heart you thought you had shattered on the floor.

Love was a lie.

It would always be a lie. 

And then your ex husband calls you and tries to smooth things over. So you say you’re fine with it. You’re not by the way but you want to be the “cool” girl, the “chill” girl so you say you forgive him. You say it’ll be fine.

But it’s not fine. 

It’ll never be fine. 

Because every time someone flirts with you, you’re reminded of the last time you had someone who “loved” you. 

And you remember that love gives that person the power to destroy you. 

They always do. 

They always will. 

Mikasa’s phone went off with a text.

——-

Eren was excited for the book club. He always did well at book clubs. 

His backpack was packed with all sorts of promotional material and a bottle of wine. That always went over well with book clubs. 

Today, he wouldn’t have to think about writing his third book or the awful feelings left from the mess his father had made of his life. 

He could just focus on his new book. 

Levi had sent a text with the address of his house which Eren entered into the gps as he got into his car. 

This would be a good day. He just knew it. 

—------

Her phone rang. She shouldn't have been surprised to see Porco was calling. 

"Your friends seem to forget I still follow them," he replied simply.

"I don't think they forgot."

"Pieck is yelling at me too. Her and Jean getting together is the worst thing that has ever happened." 

"I thought the worst thing that has ever happened was you sleeping with Sandra while we were on a break in my bed but I guess that’s changed.” 

“Ouch. I deserve that. But you knew she was pregnant. I told you before I told anyone else. Even my mom, my brother. We’ve been divorced for years. I’m allowed to move on with her. I’ve apologized multiple times. I thought we were cool and then you friends started posting that shit.” 

“You act like I can control them.” 

“Do they know the whole reason we went on a break was because you told me you didn’t believe in love? That you were the one who exited this relationship before it had even happened. Now I have to hear it from Pieck and everyone else.” 

“What do you want me to say, Porco? I’m sorry! I told you I’m sorry just as much as you told me. I never once told you I loved you!”

“Then why did you fucking marry me?!” 

“I don’t know!” 

Silence. 

Mikasa swallowed. “I’m sorry. I can’t be what you need. I’ll try to get them to stop. I just….”

“I know. I’m sorry too. I just…..I don’t want it to stress Sandra out.” 

“Tell her I say congratulations.”

Porco scoffed. 

“I mean it. You…you deserve every happiness and to be with someone who can give you that. Because both know I can’t be what you need.” 

“You almost sound like an adult there, Mikasa.” 

“Shut up.” 

“You know you do too. And I know you don’t believe it or in it, but I did really love you. I just kept hoping that one day you’d look and love me. But you never did. I really hope one day you find someone who makes me believe in love.”

Mikasa snorted a laugh. 

“I’m serious. You deserve it, Mikasa. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different, not even yourself.” 

Mikasa took a deep breath. “Thank you.” 

“And I’ll be the one there, telling you I told you so. I’ll throw you the biggest fucking party on the planet.” 

“I’ll post congratulations on my Instagram. Jean wants me to post again. That’ll get them to stop.”

“Why do I feel like you’re going through something more than this? Is there something you’re not telling me?” 

Mikasa sighed. 

“You know you can still talk to me. Before today, I thought we were still friends.” 

“We are. This is just something I have to deal with myself.” 

“I understand. But if you need me…” 

“I know.” 

“Sandra is coming home soon so…”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll tell her I called you and that you say congrats.” 

“Okay.” 

There was a pause. 

“You really do deserve love, Mikasa,” with that Porco hung up. 

Mikasa immediately sat down  her phone and went straight to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of wine from the wire rack that sat on the counter, uncorking, and began to drink directly from the bottle.

——

This good day for Eren was shot the moment he arrived at Hange’s place.

Once he found out that he had a brother, the first thing he did was bring up every social media piece that Zeke Fritz had. 

He was blonde, like his mother. Tall like Grisha. Wore glasses like Grisha. He looked more like Grisha than Eren ever would. 

And he was standing on the lawn of Levi’s house.

This was his half brother.

His father’s secret.

Grisha’s true heir. 

Grisha’s first born. 

Eren was going to be sick. 

But he had to be professional. 

He wasn’t here for Grisha or Dina or Zeke. 

He was here because book clubs were what sold romance books. That and social media were the two best markets for him. Since he was failing at the social media part, he could at least suffer through a few hours with Zeke. He could do this. The chance that Zeke even knew who he was low.

Eren took a deep breath as he exited the car. He walked over to the passenger side, unlocked it, and grabbed his backpack plus the bottle of wine. His grip tightened on the bottle as he swung his backpack over his shoulder.

“HANGE! Eren’s here!” Levi yelled as Eren made his way up the driveway. 

“Eren?” Zeke asked, looking towards Eren.

His eyes weren’t Grisha’s. They were Dina’s. That awful woman who had shown up at Grisha’s funeral, dropped the bombshell, and ruined Eren’s life.

“Eren who?” Zeke asked Levi. 

“Eren Jaeger,” Eren spoke.

Zeke’s eyes widened. 

So Zeke knew then. 

Grisha had told Zeke about Eren.

He didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Fan of romance novels, Zeke?” Eren dared to say. 

Spite. It was pure spite that was fuel Eren right now. Zeke couldn’t say how he knew Eren without outing the fact that Dina was the other woman for years. 

“I am, actually. Read all of yours. In fact, it was my dad who gave them to me,” Zeke stated matter of fact.

If Eren hadn’t been there for work, he would have punched his brother at that moment. No, Zeke didn’t get to make Eren feel like the bad guy. Why was he feeling like that at all? 

Maybe Eren wouldn’t give this bottle of wine to Hange. Maybe he’d just knock Zeke upside the head with it. 

Before Eren could say anything else, his phone went off. 

—----------------

Mikasa Ackerman was drunk. She's drunk and she's stumbled into Levi and Hange's house. 

Porco. 

He was going to have a child. 

A child. 

She still didn't love him. She had never loved him, she thought maybe with time she would but this….this was something she had never seen coming. 

So one bottle of wine turned into more and then she found herself stumbling shoeless to Levi's place. 

The book club was happening. 

Shit. 

It was Friday. 

They all looked at her. 

Eren sat there. Of course, he was there. Of course, she was drunk. She could fake it. It had to be easy, right? Just fake her sobriety. She'd done it in college, she could do it here. 

She swallowed as Eren stared at her. 

"Hi," she gave an awkward wave. 

"Oh. Right, you sent the text you weren't feeling well and needed a ride home, right?" Eren said as he jumped to his feet. 

Mikasa just stared at him.

"Sorry, everyone. Mikasa's got the stomach flu. Nice to meet you all," Eren ushered her out the door. 

He eventually passed her and walked to his car. He opened the door for her. 

"Why did you help me?" She asked as she stood there. 

"Because that man on the couch is my half brother and I'm not ready to deal with that."

"Well, shit. Thanks. I can walk home."

"You'll end up in a ditch."

"I've been living here for two years, Eren. I know how to get home from here."

"Uh huh. You'll end up in a ditch or worse. I'm not leaving you here on the road. Come on, let me take you home."

"How did you know I was drunk?"

"I saw you on campus. You always get this red flush when you drink."

"I do not!"

"You do."

"Did you pay that much attention to me, Eren Jaeger?"

"I did. Too bad you didn't do the same. Now come on, get in. I'll take you home. I promise. That's it. I won't even ask why you're drunk."

Mikasa looked back at the house. 

"Okay," she answered before she got inside Eren's car. 

———-

First stop had been to some hamburger place that Mikasa had insisted would sober her up. Eren had a feeling it was a bad idea but he wasn’t going to argue. He was starving. He had tried to pay but Mikasa had insisted. 

Drunk Mikasa was normally not sad. Eren remembered her drinking in college. They had some friends in common so they frequent most of the same parties. 

As she lay on the hood of his car, Eren wondered why he had never got up the nerve to dance with her except for that one time. 

Oh. Right. 

Because she was beautiful and he thought she hated him. 

“Did you hate me in college?” 

Mikasa turned towards him. “What? No!’ 

“Oh. It’s just that….they way you talked about my writing, I thought you hated me.” 

Mikasa snorted. “You really want to have this conversation while I’m drunk?” 

“Is there a better time to have it? It’s either that or what’s bothering you.” 

Mikasa picked up the coke she had ordered and took a drink. “I talked about your writing that way because I was jealous. You had a way of making every situation better. You were like this fairy tale prince.” 

“Yeah, I heard you said that.”  

“It’s not a bad thing. It’s a compliment. You know the prince always saves the day, gets the girl, and rides out into the sunset.” 

“And who are you in this scenario?” 

“I’m not in fairy tales.” 

“Right. You’ve got the dark stuff covered,” Eren rolled his eyes. 

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” 

“Yeah. You always act like you’re too good for a happy ending.” 

Mikasa sat up. “I’m not too good.” 

“Could have fooled me.” 

“Oh! And I suppose being all sunshine and lollipops isn’t a cover for something! At least you already know how it’s going to end! The couple rides off into the sunset, they have three kids, and picket white fence! The end! The hard part for you is over!” 

“Are you saying writing romance is easy?” 

 “When you have the ending figured out, the rest is easy.” 

“Bullshit! And you think writing the same depressing thing over and over isn’t easy? Your writing is always angst, angst,sad emo shit,  and more angst! Just kill all the characters off one by one and have them make every wrong decision. No one is happy! The end!” 

“I bet you can’t write it. Because if it was easy, why don’t you write it?” 

“I will!” 

Mikasa scoffed. 

“Let’s see you write a romance novel!” 

“Maybe I will! Since all the hard work of the ending is already done for me!” 

Somehow, during all their arguing, they had moved closer to one another. Eren’s hand was inches away from Mikasa’s. 

“I…uhh….” The words wouldn’t come to him. He could see her staring at his lips. 

He wanted to kiss her.

Right here.

Right now. 

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Mikasa jumped down off the hood of the car and proceeded to puke into the grass next to the car. 

Out of instinct, Eren pulled her short hair back out of her face. 

After she was done, she looked up at him. Eren noticed how vulnerable and depressed she looked. Something more was going on with Mikasa. 

He desperately wanted to know what but it wasn’t his place. Maybe this friendship between them could become a real friendship. Not just the awkward neighbor or friend of a friend. 

“Come on,” he said as he took a hold of her hand and walked her to his passenger side door. “I’ll take you home.” 

————-

Mikasa fell asleep on the ride home. 

Eren went to check if her door was unlocked. It wasn’t. 

He walked back over to Mikasa and saw keys on the floor next to her shoeless feet. He picked them up, unlocked the front door, and then went back to the car. 

He simply carried her inside and laid her down on the couch in her living room. 

When he went to leave, her hand grabbed his just for a moment. 

Was Mikasa awake? 

Then she let go and rolled over. 

Eren stood there for a moment, just watching over her. He randomly remembered Twilight and felt like Edward was not something he ever wanted. So he exited her house and locked the door behind him. 

——-

Mikasa was in hell. 

There was this annoying ringing noise that kept repeating over and over. 

Her head was pounding. 

Wine. 

Burgers.

Throwing up. 

And then nothing. 

She had thrown up in front of Eren. 

Her eyes shot open. 

She grabbed her phone that she had left on the edge of the couch yesterday. 

Levi was calling. 

She quickly answered it. 

“If you didn’t pick up, I was coming to see if you were murdered.” 

“Not murdered. Just hung over.” 

“Yeah, I could tell. Funny how Eren tried to cover for you. Like we didn’t know.” 

“Is that what you called for?” 

“Yes…and no. What’s got you so drunk you’re wandering around town without shoes?” 

“Can we not talk about this right now?” 

Her head was starting to pound harder. 

“This is punishment.” 

“Why?”

“Because you were dumb and now you must pay the price.”

“Which is?” 

“Talking to me on the phone while I pretend to look for a book.”

 “Who’s harassing you now?” 

“That stupid Floch kid keeps saying we have a book in stock after I told him the website is wrong.”

“I thought Hange fixed all the inventory problems.”

“They did. I just don’t like this kid.” 

“Levi!” 

“What? He gets on my nerves.” 

“You can’t just not sell something to someone because you don’t like them personally!” 

“Sure, I can. I’m doing it right now.” 

“There is something seriously wrong with you.” 

“He does not need a first edition signed copy.” 

“Of what?” 

“I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention. Whenever he walks in, I completely tune out whatever he’s saying.” 

Mikasa shook her head. “You can’t run a business that way.” 

“Too late.” 

“You know every year you get closer to being the grumpy old man who yells at people to stay off of his lawn.” 

“I already do that.” 

“Since when?!”

“Since those bratty kids trampled Hange’s roses and knocked all of the cherry blossoms off. “ 

“Who did that?”

“I don’t know. Some high schoolers.” 

“So how long are you going to keep me on this phone?”

“Until he gets annoyed and leaves or Petra comes and finds me.” 

“You’re horrible.” 

“Are you really okay with Porco having a kid?” 

Mikasa sighed. She should have known that was the real reason Levi was calling her. 

“Yes. I am. Levi, you already know. He wasn’t the one for me.” 

“Oh. I was aware the moment I met him. I was just waiting for you to figure that out.”

“Thanks for that.” 

“Hey. You’ve got to make your own mistakes. I can’t live your life for you.” 

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that.” 

“We all have to go through it. I’ve made mistakes. Kenny has. You have to too. Otherwise, you won’t be living your life. You’ll just be existing.” 

“That’s not sounding too bad right now.” 

“It’ll get easier. Shit, here comes Petra. I’ll call you later.” 

The line went dead.

Mikasa laughed. 

————-

Eren cleaned out the rest of the master bedroom. 

All important things besides the bed had already been taken out. There were two lamps that each sat on two bedside tables. Eren figured he could leave them with the house. There had been some make up left behind that promptly went into the trash. He wasn’t sure why Dina kept her make-up in the bedside table but he couldn’t bring himself to think about it. 

In the other that had clearly belonged to Grisha, Eren found a bunch of coins, a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, a pair of spare glasses, pens, and paper clips. He held the glasses in his hand for a moment. 

He considered breaking them. 

Just out of frustration and anger. 

How dare Grisha live this double life.

How dare he keep an older brother from him.

Grisha just got to pretend that everything was okay and that he didn’t have this whole secret life that Eren knew nothing about. 

It wasn’t okay.

It would never be okay.

But Eren couldn’t bring himself to break him. 

He found himself sinking down to his knees, choking back the tears.

This was all he had left. 

Glasses. 

This cabin.

That was it. 

Carla had removed most of Grisha’s things after the funeral. He didn’t know what had happened to them. He didn’t ask and she didn’t tell. 

Eren got back to his feet. 

He threw out the cigarettes and lighter along with the pens and paper clips. He started a donation pile where he put the glasses. 

The tables and lamps would go with the house when he sold it. 

Eren couldn’t go through the dressers today. That was too much for him. 

Besides, he needed to attempt to write. 

He made his way downstairs to the kitchen. He could see Mikasa in the other house, sitting at her own kitchen table that faced his house. 

She looked up from her computer as he sat. 

Mikasa gave him a wave which he returned. Then she stood up and disappeared into the other part of her house.

Eren stared at his computer as it started up. He happened to look up as Mikasa was walking back carrying a notepad. 

THANK YOU FOR LAST NIGHT was written on it. 

Eren smiled before nodding. 

She turned the page. WE SHOULD KEEP THE BET. 

Eren considered it before holding up a finger. He dashed over to his backpack and pulled out a notebook. 

WHAT BET? 

YOU WRITE A DARK NOVEL, I WRITE A ROMANCE.

WHAT DOES THE WINNER GET? 

Mikasa considered it for a moment. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Eren considered writing to you for a good moment. 

YOUR PRAISE. 

The next page that Mikasa held up was clearly a phone number. CALL ME. 

Eren laughed as he took his phone out of his pocket. He dialed her number. 

“I already gave you that. Remember?” 

“Vaguely.” 

“No, but seriously. We should do this. I think it might get us out of this slump. We each write a different novel, send it to our editors and then see who gets published.” 

“I have a feeling that our editors would not like that.” 

“Why? Because they’re rivals? Look, Jean has been all over me to post more on social media. So whoever wins has to promote the other’s book.” 

Eren thought about it. 

It couldn’t be that hard. 

What did he have to lose? 

“Well, I know nothing about writing that emo shit.” 

“Like I know about romance but it can’t be that hard, right?” 

Eren snorted. “That’s what you think now.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll teach you to tap into your other feelings.” 

“And I’ll teach you about romance then.” 

“How are you going to do that?” 

Eren paused. How was he going to do that? Take her out on dates? Would she even like that? 

“We do research,” Eren finally said. “I’ll take you out on cheesey dates and you can….take me wherever you go.” 

“Just for research, right?” 

Eren swallowed, “right.” 

“Okay. Let’s start next week.”

“Okay. I should get back to cleaning up.” 

“Okay.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” 

Eren ended the call. He walked out of the kitchen and leaned up against the wall in the hallway. 

He was so screwed. How was he supposed to go out on a date with Mikasa fucking Ackerman and not fall any more in love with her? 

—----------------

There’s a comfort to misery that you won’t understand unless you experience it. There’s something about the freedom to feel horrible and just look back into all of those horrible things. 

She was tired.

She was so very tired.

She had been fighting all of her life and for what? 

She was not closer to freedom today than he was yesterday. 

She wasn’t close to anything. 

She was just here with trauma.

Loads and loads of trauma that no matter how much therapy she went to, how much alcohol she drank, it was still there. 

She often wished that she wouldn’t wake up the next day. 

Maybe there was only freedom in death. 

Maybe that moment where you’re right on the edge of life and death…..

No. 

Death wasn’t the sweet release she begged for. 

It was permanent.

Stationary. 

Forever.

There was no freedom in that. 

Freedom lied only in choice. 

This was the first step towards her freedom. 

She looked back at his home where her family had been. 

No more.

No more would he be trapped there. 

She would be free. 

She took a step forward then a step back. She turned around, leaving the house forever. 

She was finally free.

——-

It was the most depressing ending Eren had ever read. 

Why had read that whole story only for the main character to walk away from everything she fought for? 

Eren ran a hand through his hair. 

He looked over at the clock in the living room. He still hadn’t bought sheets for the guest bedroom. It was 3:00 am. 

He’d been up writing for some long that he lost track of time. 

He hadn’t expected to like Mikasa’s book. 

He didn’t think the ending would weigh so heavy on him. 

After hearing Mikasa talk about his books, he had to read hers. 

Was it too late to text Mikasa?

She was probably asleep. 

He shouldn’t wake her. 

Yet he found himself very much wanting to talk to her about it. 

It could wait, he reminded himself.

He stood up and stretched before going out back.

On the patio next door, in the light of the candle, he could see Mikasa. She was just sitting there, staring out into the woods.

It was funny how he had thought of her now here she was. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Eren asked.

It must have startled her as she jumped. 

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you,” Eren apologized. 

“It’s fine. I’m just not used to anyone being out here besides me.” 

“I can go back inside.” 

“No, really. You’re fine. I mean you’re not bothering me. And no, I couldn’t sleep.” 

“Any particular reason?”

 “Besides the fact that my ex husband is having a kid with the woman he cheated on me with and I’m saying I’m okay with it to all of my friends?”

“He cheated on you?” 

“Yeah. He did.”

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” 

“Nothing…I just….I didn’t love him. He knew that going into it.” 

“Then why did you marry him?” 

“Because I thought I would love him. I thought maybe you know…I like this guy more than anyone else I’ve ever met. Maybe eventually it’ll turn into love. But it never did. Outside of sex, we didn’t really do many couplely things. We never held hands or went on real dates. We were just kind of existing. I’m sorry. You don’t need to hear this.” Mikasa stood up to go inside. 

But Eren didn’t want her to leave. No, he wanted to hear her out. 

“Carly checked all the boxes on what a wife should be. She was beautiful. We met at the same age my parents did. There was some other stuff but it all kind of faded away for me. I…I don’t think I never loved her. I loved the idea of her. I probably would have married her if my dad hadn’t died. But things were bad, things are bad. She couldn’t handle it. I don’t blame her.” 

Mikasa towards him until she got to the railing of the deck. She pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket and her lighter. She reached across the gap between the two houses. Eren took a cigarette out before producing his own lighter. Mikasa took her own cigarette, lighting it before shoving both the pack and lighter into her pocket. 

As Eren took a drag, he couldn’t help but look at her. 

She had seemed so sure of herself in college. 

She had been a different person. 

Then again, he had been too. 

So they stood there, in a comfortable silence smoking and watching the woods behind their cabins. 

#emotional kaleidoscope #my writing

[rasazys-ramblings]

I just woke up from a dream where me and a friend were working on a fanfiction on Tumblr and I had a weird ass extension installed also me being in Minecraft but really weird while I retype every word with an f in it because my f key is half jammed again. I'm gonna copy and paste this onto a Google Doc so I can tell my friends in first period about this cause they were in my dream.

This extension I got it mid dream where three translucent Skids would be laying on the bottom right side on the screen while the entire Tumblr background was a white screen with FNF chibis slapped all over it and a weird looking Celestia was on the left side of a post and some weird orb with black wings was on the other side. Apparently Celestia isn't allowed to cross to the other side of the post but she did so the entire UI just exploded or something but there was a cutscene where you could see her on a realistic horse in 3d with two other horses, one in the foreground, one barely visible in the background. And then they would explode and a few seconds later Celestia too and then the page disintegrated. Reloading the page would return everything back to normal. In the other dream though I could just have an FNF shimeji open on the system and it would do that. And only an FNF Shimeji. Same story with Celestia and the thing.

Anyways apparently there was a Tumblr update where you and someone else can type on another post and would get updated in real time even if you're not editing the post and edit images on Tumblr while posting it. Bro the fanfiction was something about Senpai and Boyfriend and the first fucking line was about them accidentally kissing and my friend wrote that I'm sobbing lmfao. 'They accidentally kissed and got together lived in a cottage together or something and something something I don't remember but something about Girlfriend and Pico who was fine with everything' I have no idea. Seriously the only line I remember clear as daylight was the first sentence. "As they passed an intersection, Senpai and Boyfriend collided with each other, not watching where they were going." The second part was like them looking up as they collided as my friend wrote and accidentally kissing. AUGHGHUHUHDUG I HATED TYPING THAT. The funniest part was I was only editing what my friend wrote and giving ideas, I wrote none of the original. She wrote ALL of it and she doesn't even like the ship and I didn't make her do it. My other two friends were putting in ideas but I was the only one who likes the ship irl. Also we can't access Tumblr at school so how tf- Btw this was in school we were in my Language Arts class which none of my friends in this dream are in but the group working behind us was and they were actually straight up working on a fanfic on Wattpad. They forgot to save their progress and was yelling at each other about it. What if I try to rewrite the story from memory /j Or am I- Okay /hj AND THE FANFICTION WAS FOR AN ASSIGNMENT.

Holy lord the dream before this was when I was in Minecraft, I could shoot a very far distance which was ridiculous also there were guns in Minecraft now, no mods, this is the original. And if you flapped your arms you would be able to fly but it only worked about half the time great way to escape enemies on the overworld though none of them could climb jump or fly. And that pink schoolhouse was back (Weird ass dating sim dream happened there sometime last year, had a smooth transition from that to another dream). Anyways there were these 10 by 10 hills everywhere but the height was really stretched out, there were barely any trees cause it was snowing, any trees looked like they were in summer, there were pigs with crowns and those red capes with fluffy white trim and black dots on the trim, those that royals would wear. Anyways the pig could attack and deal half heart damage and if you fly it would follow you. You also can't jump you have to fly. Arms can actually get sore after a while. THE PIG WAS THE ONLY HOSTILE ENEMY I SHOT A SPIDER AND IT DIDN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. Bow was the only working weapon so guns were useless. Could shoot as far as the eye could see and if you aim directly at the target, it wouldn't get pulled down by gravity the arrow would make a beeline for the area you shot at. Also you were the only thing that wasn't blocks besides the pig which had curved edges. Other than that area with the pigs the terrain looked the same as the one I had after the pink schoolhouse dream but covered in snow (b o y I have no idea how to explain that one) and it was strange. Also multiplayer was available but you couldn't find anyone the world was too big and everyone spawned in different areas and the teleport command didn't work there was no way to find another person without looking across the entire map. And the nether. You could spawn in the nether now. Start a game and you can find yourself in there. Good luck with that. Someone was talking to me like the were next to me but idk who and I think we were able to meet up at some point before she ran away also maps didn't exist and neither did creative mode so good luck-

Okay I'm done I have 30 minutes left before I need to get ready for school and I have other things to do I spent fifty minutes on this (ty search history)

#rasazy's ramblings #storytime with senlido tao

[scarlettriot]

Stood Up

You (Y/N) get stood up from a date and Kaminari decides to do something about it.

Pairing: Kaminari/F!Reader

Contains: Fluff, Flirty Denki, Established BakuSquad Friendship

Warnings: 18+ Below the cut, Minors DNI! Swearing, Electro-Stim, Overstimulation, use of pet names (cuddle bug & cutie), oral (F receiving), consensual recording

A/N: Well, here we are with the third in my Stood Up series. There is also Bakugo & Kirishima if you're interested. This one took me way too long and it's also my first time writing Kaminari at length. I hope you all like it :)

Word Count Starting Below: 2,461

You slipped your foot into the silver heels you had picked out. Something a little fancier since this was a first date after all and you wanted to make a lasting impression. Not only that but this was your first first date in a while. Being a Pro Hero made life busy and dating difficult.

Practically the entire day leading up to this very moment revolved around you either getting ready or babbling with excitement to your closest friends.

An alert chimed on your phone with a text from your date, a smile sliding onto your face expecting to read some message about how they were on their way and that they'd see you soon, but that wasn't what you were met with.

Instead, it was a screenshot of your Instagram page, multiple of them actually, all of you and the ridiculous photos you took with your friends but mostly with one Denki Kaminari. The most recent of which was from a tea shop he met you at just earlier that day so you could show him the shoes for your date.

The message below was simple and more than enough to leave a sour taste in your mouth, this isn't what I want to see when I'm supposed to be taking you out tonight. What, one date a day isn't enough? Why are you even dating? Does your blonde boyfriend know?

You giggled at what they were implying, quick to explain how these were all your friends, they had been since high school! They are people you spent what little free time you had with. Especially Denki, your best friend since you were 15!

That joy you felt started dissipating within the next few messages. You hadn't even had a first date and they were already jealous, and that was something you didn't have room for in your life. So, you slipped the heels off your feet and put them directly back in the box to return when you had the time. Tight black jeans and fitted top were exchanged with a hoodie and sweats although your makeup and hair stayed done, you didn't have the energy to undo your hard work.

Instead, you slid back into your computer chair, your headset snuggly back on your ears and before you notified everyone you were back online, you took a moment listening to the chatter of your friends.

"Shitty Hair! Fuckin' pay attention!"

"Yeah, man! We're getting slaughtered over here!"

"Less yelling at Kiri! More shooty shooty!"

"All of you are hopeless..."

Eijiro chuckled out an apology that was accompanied by a lighter giggle also coming from his mic. "Think this is gonna be my last round for a bit, guys."

"You're so fuckin' whipped." Bakugo scoffed, before screaming profanities.

"Is it whipped if I'm the one who's wanting to get her into bed though?"

You clicked your mic back on then. "Hey, remember last week when Kats forgot his push to talk so we all heard him getting head and we party whipped because someone couldn't focus?"

"You better shut the hell up right fucking now!"

Everyone else roared with laughter. "Yeah! At least I have the decency to mute myself!"

"Hey, wait a sec, why are you online, Y/N!" Denki noted, "You should have already left!"

You screenshot your messages to the group chat because it was far easier than just explaining the ordeal.

"Cute shoes." Eijiro and Kyoka commented at the same time.

There was a lull as their game ended and the messages were read.

"Ya don't need 'em if they're gonna have their head so far up their ass like this."

"I agree." Hanta chimed in. "They're not worth your time."

"Still, sorry they turned out to be a shit." You could hear the frown on Kyoka's face, "I know how excited you were."

"Right, you doin' okay, Y/N? I can stick around and we can all shoot some things!"

"Thanks, Kiri but I'll be just fine! Go spend time with your girl!"

One by one, everyone signed off. You pulled up Spotify and Stardew Valley, something of a comfort for you to get lost in for the rest of the night.

Less than an hour later, you noticed your phone lighting up with your best friend's familiar smiling face. "What's up, Denki?"

"Open your door! I have my hands full and don't wanna put everything down to get my key!"

You sprang from your desk and rushed to your door. Sure enough, on the other side was Denki with bags in both hands and his phone tucked between his ear and shoulder. You grabbed it and a bag before he had a chance to drop anything like the klutz he was. "What's with all this?"

"I feel bad."

"Why? You didn't stand me up?"

He fiddled with the edge of a paper bag. "Yeah, but, we both read those messages and no one said anything but they didn't just call our group out, they called us out.

"Denks, it doesn't matter to me-"

"But, it does to me! You were so excited about this and I got in the way, unknowingly but, still! So, I gotta make it up to you now!"

He pulled out take-out boxes from your favorite restaurant. Two bottles of your favorite wine. Your top three favorite movies and video games, and a board game you both had been meaning to try. "I mean, if they think I'm your boyfriend I kinda gotta live up to the hype, right?"

You really wanted to insist that none of this was necessary. That just because some person that neither of you really knew that well, assumed something about your relationship that didn't mean he had to blame himself for it.

But, you had to admit, this was really sweet. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to you that he knew everything you liked but it was nice. Instead of sitting across from a stranger, making awkward small talk, and trying to learn about one another, you were barefoot in your kitchen, laughing with your best friend while he plated dinner and you poured the wine.

Formalities were out the window. Both you and Denki were eating dinner in your living room, laughing and drinking just as you'd done a million times before. You snapped a photo of the delicious food on paper plates, toasting good times with your cheap wine, ready to post them to your Instagram.

"Gonna make them more jealous..."

"I think they made it pretty clear they don't want to see me so why should I care?"

He shrugged. "I just thought they might, you know, come to their senses that they obviously lost."

"I don't really care either way." You wandered back into your kitchen, putting away the leftovers, "They can forget I exist or they can stalk my page like a creep. If someones' gonna try and tell me I can't be friends with my friends or just not listen to me, then I don't want them in my life. No matter how good-looking they are."

Denki watched you from the sofa, a bit of a lopsided grin on his face that had butterflies taking flight in your stomach. "What?" Laughing to hide the bit of a crush you always had on the man. It was unavoidable you told yourself. His personality was infectious and had 15 year old you head over heels.

He pushed back bright blonde hair back off his forehead and just shook his head. "Nothin'. Uh, what's next? Video game, board game, or movie?"

You peaked on the counter at the options. "Well, we probably should have checked this but the board game needs at least four people to play... guess we'll have to save that for our next game night. Is a movie okay?"

Of course, it was.

You brought over the DVD with a refill of wine and he pulled a blanket down off the back of your sofa.

It really didn't take long, just fifteen minutes or so, and you were curled up into Denki's side. You'd make grabby hands for your wine glass and he'd pass it over with that damn grin again.

And not long after that, he'd pulled out his phone, angling it to take a picture of the two of you. "What are you doing?" You could see him on his own Instagram, tagging you, with the caption, Check out my cute cuddle bug.

"I thought you didn't want to make them more jealous."

"I decided I don't care either. You're mine tonight, their loss. And since you're mine tonight, I get bragging rights." He snapped another quick picture of you rolling your eyes at him, and then he kept snapping them.

"Denki! Why!"

"Because you're cute, cuddle bug! I like having all the pictures of you that I can!"

Even as you tackled him back down on the sofa, pinning him below you, he still managed a photo. "Bet if I post this one, they'll really get the wrong idea."

You could have moved. You were the one on top of him and you had his arms above his head. You had the power here and yet you just lingered above him.

"Y/N? Not that I'm one to complain about having a beautiful person such as yourself pinning me down, like, it's kinda hot, but..." Looking down into half-lidded golden eyes, you wondered why you had to become best friends with such a damn flirt! "Are you gonna take advantage of this situation we're in or are we just gonna keep dancing around this for another decade or so?"

You couldn't have heard him right? No... no this was your brain playing tricks on you because he certainly hadn't had that much wine tonight. You sat upright on his lap. "Another decade then, Y/N?"

"You- ha- you should stop that, Denki."

He leaned up, moving his arms around you, "Gimme a good reason to and I will."

You didn't have one. And not just because you've been in love with him for ten years but also because he was your best friend. The only reason to not go through with it was the possibility of losing your friendship if something bad were to happen but, you really didn't think anything would.

Denki might have been a serial flirt but he was surprisingly loyal in all the relationships he'd been in, not that there had been all that many serious ones.

"I'm not hearing anything." He teased, his face getting closer to yours. You could count each and every one of the faint freckles that littered the balls of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. "But, I promise, if you tell me no, I'll stop, won't push this any further."

This whole thing seemed like a frickin' whirlwind, happening faster than your brain could really process the situation but you didn't want it to stop either. You wanted to take it further, didn't want to say no.

Which was why you coiled your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. There was that small little buzz of electricity that tickled your lips when he'd kiss your nose or cheeks that was now playing on his lips, on his tongue when you welcomed him in.

He leaned back again, pulling you with him until you were both a pile of needy hands and breathy pleas. Everywhere his hands roamed you felt that faint trail of shock against your skin, making the little hairs on your body stand on end.

Clothes were shed, tossed haphazardly around your living room, both of you pausing to laugh when Denki managed to land your hoodie over a lamp. His attention was drawn back to you quickly though, still perched on top of him but now he had your chest on full display since you'd forgone a bra when your date canceled.

Electrifying tongue twirled around your nipples, sensitive normally, now it felt like you knew what it was like when he fried his damn brain. He was eager, relentless even, pulling and sucking, another hand giving your other breast a similar treatment. He had you so focused that you let out a broken moan when slender fingers found their way into your panties.

"Fuckin' hell, Denki."

The bastard winked up at you, nipple still between his lips and before you could retort, he sent another small jolt through you.

You were blatantly grinding down on his hand, reaching behind you, you found him completely solid, barely being contained in the tight black boxers he wore. You had enough sense to tug them down and wrap your hand around him making his teeth sink into your soft flesh, whining when you stroked him.

"Y/N..." He whimpered, his hand momentarily distracted from his ministrations gave you enough time to shift in his lap to scoot forward putting his cock in front of you. In one swift motion, you had his length between your slick. "Oh fuck, cutie!" Golden eyes were squeezed shut while you moved along him, feeling that pleasant curve he had, you could only imagine what it was gonna be like to have him inside you.

"You're being a little tease, ma-makes me wanna do all sorts of things to y-you."

He was kissing your neck, your chest, shoulders, and arms, anywhere on you that he could reach. His hips bucking up into you, just trying to hit that perfect angle.

Strength and agility were something most overlooked when it came to Denki Kaminari but when the man wanted something bad enough, he found a way to get it.

He had your ass rising up in the air with a harsh thrust of his hips and a small squeak from you, giving him exactly enough time to scoot down on the sofa so you were sat atop his face. If you complained, he didn't hear you. Denki already had your thighs around his head and his tongue devouring you completely.

Little shockwaves rocked you while you cried out his name, hands fisting blonde locks just trying to stay upright.

One orgasm from you apparently wasn't enough, neither was two but on the third, Denki finally relented, allowing your heartrate to come back down and your gasping breaths to come in more steadily.

You slid back down his body, his erection now smack against your ass. His hair was recked, face completely flush but he had the biggest grin on his face that you'd ever seen.

Denki kissed both your cheeks, "You are so amazing, cutie!" Kissed your lips, "You taste better than anything I've ever had!" And one more on the tip of your nose. "Doin' okay?"

You nodded, starting to really gather yourself again, and by this point, you really just wanted one thing.

"I wanna... Denks... can I take care of you now?"

"Sure, cutie! How do you want me?" The wiggling eyebrows had you rolling your eyes and pushing him on his back again.

It took little effort for you to position yourself above his cock, and with how slick you were, his bright pink head slipped right inside. He held your hands while you scrunched up your face, sliding all the way down him until he was completely sheathed within.

The curve was immaculate. Hitting in just the right way that had you moaning with just a couple thrusts from him. Before long, you were eagerly bouncing on his cock. Riding him hard so he filled you up each and every time.

You barely registered him reaching for the coffee table, his phone now in his hands. "What're you doin'?" You practically slurred, slowing only slightly. He tapped the camera lens with a wicked grin. "Seriously?"

"We could make 'em really jealous now..."

Somewhere in your brain, you knew your date wouldn't give two shits, in fact, this probably would have only validated their thoughts about your's and Denki's relationship but with his cock stuffed so deeply into you, kissing your cervix in the most beautiful way, you really didn't give a damn.

You and Denki put on the best possible show you could think of. You were overstimulated, sore, and completely elated! He balanced the phone against the wine bottle so neither of you had to try to hold it.

This way he could play with your breasts or squeeze your thighs while you dug half-moons into his chest. Shocked with the playful zaps he sent right to your core.

Your makeup you'd didn't feel like taking off now ran down your cheeks with tears. Your hair was a mess thanks to him pulling at it.

Denki had you howling through another two orgasms, telling you how perfect you were, how nice you felt squeezing him so tightly, your nails felt so good against his skin.

It was only when you collapsed against his chest did he hoist your hips up so he could ram into you, pulling out just at the last second with a strangled cry of your name.

He wiggled himself free, grabbing a towel from your bathroom and cleaning you both up before stopping the recording.

"You're, hey you're gonna send that to me right?" You asked when he handed back your hoodie off the lamp.

He dropped a kiss on your lips, plopping down beside you on the sofa again and you noticed your email already up and the video uploading. "Obviously, we share all our videos and photos. Why would this be different?"

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