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#I could drafts posts out of or sort or etc.
icewindandboringhorror · 10 months
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Baby boy brother birthday photos from last year that I just realized I never uploaded!
#cats#also hopefully it's not weird to still post photos of George (the brown cat) even after his death a little while ago. I just have so many#beautiful old pictures of him that I still love but just never had the time to sort through or upload (my cat photos folder on my#computer had like 450 pictures in it or something lol... SO many). I feel like it's kind of just honoring or appreciating him#and not actually strange or anything. like what am I supposed to do. delete them?? I want to share them still because he is beautiful and#perfect ! idk. aNYWAY. Also this is their 2022 birthday when they turned 14 years old. (even though I think when I posted#their 2021 bday I might have said they were 14 then too. I was off by a year lol). 2023 when they turned 15 I unfortunately#was feeling kind of sick at the time and didn't really have the energy to do the decorations like I usually do. So they just got a few#treats and stuff. But I didn't know that would be george's last birthday lol. :/#They also do not really know or care though. they're cats who cannot process it or know the concept of birthdays so. eh#I still have no idea how these got lost on the computer though. Like I had them fully edited ready to post but just sitting in a folder??#Since MARCH 2022 lol... ??? the folder was in another folder of pictures so maybe that's how I overlooked it#But it's my 'once every 4 months computer organizing and clean out time' so I was going tghrough looking for pictures#I could drafts posts out of or sort or etc.#They got lots more treats for this birthday because one of my friends actually game me a few gifts for them#elderly boys.!!!!#I used to write in the little caption/image description sections to talk about them all individually but at some point tumblr broke that#feature and for so long they never saved or weren't visible so I stopped doing them and just ramble a bunch in the tags instead#but I kind of miss them. Thinking about old posts of the cats where I commented on each photo individually too lol.. the good ole days
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thinking about how the bridge of Heaven Help Us spends several lines mocking faith and Jesus' crucifixion ("I'll give you all the nails you need/cover me in gasoline") but ends with "and the punchline of the joke is asking/ Someone save us/ Heaven help us now..."
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mionemymind · 6 days
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The Chosen One
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Summary: How do you love the daughter of the evilest family in the galaxy? Just ask Wanda Maximoff.
Warnings: Death, Cursing, Blood, Killing, Angst, Evil
A/n: There is a lot of random fandoms in this one shot that inspired me. Let me list them off: Star Wars, Dune, Skyrim, A Court of Thorns and Roses, Fourth Wing. So if these are one of your fandoms, comment what you think I got from them. Also, please do not judge if lore ain't right. This is my version of stuff and god I'm struggling to remember all of it lmaooooo. Also, thank you @usersukuna for the amazing gif. And thank @hiiraya for reading the rough draft of this. Also, I wanted to get your opinion on it before I posted, but that was gonna take long lmaoooo. So if you see any plot holes bestie, let me know and I'll edit it in later. Also, I had intentions of make this more evil but I don't like the idea of Stockholm Syndrome so yeah.
Word Count: 13.3k
Masterlist
Loving the person that the galaxy was sworn to hate was not an easy task for Wanda Maximoff. She had come from a world that was known for its politics, her parents both being senators. Growing up in that scene allowed Wanda to see just how evil people can be when they seek power so recklessly. 
“I’ll never be like them,” Wanda vowed. She was as little as 10 when she first witnessed multiple assassins kill a mad hungry senator. “Those that are corrupt will only lead to a painful end,” Wanda’s father stated. He didn’t intervene or call for any help. Witnessing her father stand by at such a scene made Wanda question, “Was this a good thing or did my father help with his murder?” She was too scared to ask loudly. That was the moment she knew that fear was a powerful thing to have. 
<|>
Wanda was only 15 when her home planet was captured by the Aetos family. In just one night, she witnessed the destruction of the very thing she called home. She was separated from her family as they packed hundreds of young girls and boys in a spaceship. 
Crying her heart out, Wanda feared where they would take her. Soon they arrived at one of the many planets the Aetos family owned, Acrux. Shoving them in a line, Wanda saw many buildings of Greek inspiration. Not only that, she saw the many people who were enslaved there, all of them being no older than 18 years old. 
She was sorted to work at the Colosseum, one of the unluckiest things to do in Acrux. Every day she was tasked to fight a person, creature, etc. just to live another day. It was a brutal life but if she did survive, it would guarantee she would be able to leave at age 18. 
Two weeks after she arrived, she met Y/n. The kids were fighting for food when Y/n whispered to Wanda, “I know where they keep the food.” By then, she was starving to death and any ounce of awareness was gone at the mere offer of food. 
Y/n was talented and light on her feet, something Wanda quickly noticed. As they snuck around the darkly lit corridors, Y/n finally found the food pantry. “You go first, I’ll make sure to stay on the lookout. Try to eat the farthest batch from the front, that way they don’t notice that it’s gone.” 
Wanda didn’t question how Y/n knew this and simply followed her instructions. The pantry wasn’t massive but large enough that missing food would be hard to notice. Wanda first ate a few berries before heading to the bread. Just like Y/n said, Wanda focused on the stack near the back. 
While the bread was slightly cold, Wanda could tell it had been slightly fresh. One piece of it and she was already in heaven. Not able to contain herself, Wanda tried her best to eat as much as she could. It was selfish but she couldn’t help herself. 
Half a minute had gone by before Y/n opened the door and said, “Guards are coming.” Wanda stuffed the rest of the loaf in her pants pocket and followed Y/n out. They hid in a small opening in the hallway, dark enough that the guards hadn’t noticed them as they walked by. 
Wanda hadn’t realized how small the opening was until they were in it, chests almost touching each other. Looking closely at Y/n, Wanda never realized how close in height they were. She had dark hair and a small scar across her right eye. 
“I think they’re gone now,” Y/n coughed out. Wanda broke the stare she didn’t know she was holding. Quietly they made their way back. Wanda stopped Y/n before they entered the shared living quarters. “I appreciate you looking out for me back there. You didn’t have to - and if I’m being entirely honest, I don’t know why you did that.” 
Y/n smiled at Wanda, not knowing how to take her compliment. “But regardless, here is a piece of bread. I saved it because I knew you didn’t get a chance to grab something. I’m sorry I couldn’t get more but I didn’t know what would get noticed or not.” 
Y/n accepted the piece from Wanda and hid it in her pocket. No words were communicated as Y/n gave Wanda a small smile. They walked back into the quarters where everyone was too busy screaming and yelling to notice they were gone. That was the day Wanda started to look out for Y/n. 
<|>
A couple of days later, Y/n had woken up Wanda from her sleep. “Wake up,” Y/n whispered as she shook Wanda awake. Everyone was asleep by now. Y/n took extra precautions to make sure no one was awake. She didn’t need any snitches to ruin her plan. 
Wanda woke up disgruntled, “What? - What is it?” 
“I’ve been thinking.” 
“This late in the night?” Tomorrow was another designated battle for Wanda and she wanted to have as much energy as she could have for it. 
“Yes - I’ve been thinking a lot about you.” This had gotten Wanda’s attention. She sat up in her bed, scooting over to allow Y/n to sit. “Well, spit it out.”
“You and I can make a pack. I’ve seen you fight and you can carry yourself. But you do have your weaknesses.” Feeling defensive about the latter comment, Wanda said, “And you think you’re better? You haven’t even fought - you don’t even know if you can survive a day out there.”
“I know. I know. But hear me out. I have training and experience. My first match is directly after yours. Just watch me and see. And if you decide it’s worth your time, then you and I can be partners.” 
“What do partners mean to you?”
“It means I got your back and you got mine. If you have trouble, I’ll be there. Do you need something? Food, backup, or training, I’m there. Name it, you got it - just as long as you do the same for me.” Y/n looked around to make sure no one woke up to the sound of them talking. 
“What happens if you or I want more partners?” 
Y/n thought about it for a moment, carefully deciding what to say. “I’m only offering this deal to you and you only. If you decide to partner up with somebody else, I can’t be your partner anymore.”
“Does that mean you also won’t be partners with somebody else?”
“It will only be you Wanda - that’s if you accept.” 
Wanda was perplexed at the offer. She wanted to say yes, especially since Y/n had helped her before. Not wanting to seem eager, she said, “Let me watch your fight and think about it.” 
Y/n nodded in her response and got up. Before she could walk away, Wanda grabbed her hand and asked, “Why me?”
With all her truth, Y/n admitted, “‘Cause you’re the only one in here that has a chance of surviving like me.”
As Y/n walked away, Wanda felt hope for the first time on Acrux, hoping that maybe she’d actually leave this place alive. 
<|>
Today was Y/n’s first fight. Wanda walked away from her match victorious once more. On the way back inside, she passed by Y/n. “Good luck,” Wanda said. In her heart, she could feel that Y/n didn’t need luck. There was this energy that she displayed as if she knew she was going to win even with her eyes closed. 
“Thank you. You’re going to watch, right?” Y/n said while jogging backward. Her choice of weapons was two swords. “I will, probably from the gates though since I can’t run to the stands fast enough.” 
Y/n winked and turned around, she yelled back, “Then I’ll make sure it’s something worth watching.” 
<|>
Wanda and Y/n were 16 when Y/n first got hurt in the arena. A hired bystander had jumped into the ring on top of Y/n. Surprised by the attack, her opponent cut her arm. This type of corruption was something the Colosseum highly disapproved of. 
Within seconds, soldiers flooded the arena and arrested the opponent and bystander. Wanda was first among their peers to aid Y/n. The pounding in her heart and the ringing in her ears almost made her blackout with how worried and angry she was. If the soldiers hadn’t been there, Wanda was certain to have murdered them then and there. 
“Are you okay?” Wanda checked everywhere to see if there was more damage that she didn’t see. She didn’t calm down until Y/n held her hand and said, “It’s just a cut on my arm Wands. I’m going to be fine.” 
Wanda helped her up and walked with Y/n through the Colosseum back to their shared room. She immediately went to their first aid kit hidden in a compartment behind their pantry and grabbed all the necessary bandages and sterilization. 
Y/n sat at her bed staring at the cut that was slowly losing blood. “I don’t think it’s deep, thankfully. God that fucker just had to hire somebody.” Wanda grabbed a chair nearby and sat near Y/n’s arm. This was the first time Y/n had needed any type of bandage in their time at the arena. She didn’t want to show it, but it was scary. 
Back then, Wanda was the one to have gotten all the bruises and cuts before Y/n properly trained her. Nowadays, the two hardly have to use the first aid kit at all. 
As Wanda continued to stitch, Y/n noticed Wanda’s shaky hands. “Do you need me to get someone else? It’s okay if you can’t do it, Wanda.” 
“No!” Wanda hadn’t meant to yell but something about this was different. Afraid to say anything more, Y/n remained quiet as Wanda continued to stitch. Once it was done and Y/n was bandaged, Wanda was finally able to breathe again. The ringing in her ears finally stopped. She could feel her senses coming back to her. “Thank you,” Y/n said. 
“You’re welcome.” Wanda placed the first aid back into its hiding spot and got ready for bed. 
Night came and Y/n was quick to sleep while Wanda was wide awake. She laid on her side, paying attention to Y/n’s breathing. Logically she knew that it was just a cut and that nothing bad was going to happen to Y/n. But her heart just couldn’t stop worrying. 
It was then and there that Wanda knew that if Y/n died so would she. 
<|>
A batch of new kids arrived at Acrux. It was a mix of older kids at a range of 15-17. Wanda never had enemies this whole time she had been in the arena, which was only a year and seven months. That was until Emma had arrived. 
She was the same age as Wanda and Y/n. Nothing was special with her until she showed just how good she was at fighting. During her first match, she had beaten Y/n’s record of defeating an opponent in under a minute by a second. 
Emma came out of the arena without a single bruise or scratch. Wanda noticed this but she also noticed that Y/n did too. Wanda was never the type to worry about her place with Y/n, after all, they were partners. But it was the way she noticed Y/n watching Emma that something inside her triggered. 
For now, Wanda let the anger and worry remain inside her. “This will pass,” she thought. But it didn’t. 
Y/n and Wanda were sparing like normal when Y/n brought up the news. “Emma asked me to train her.” The confession caused Wanda to be distracted, allowing Y/n to disarm her with one swoop. 
“What did you tell her?” Wanda asked, ignoring that she was easily defeated in that small moment of distraction.
“That I only train with you.” Wanda released the breath she was holding. She picked up her sword and continued practice like normal. 
Wanda was on the way to dinner when she noticed Emma talking to Y/n again. The visceral rage that grew inside Wanda within a second could have destroyed everyone in her path. But she remained composed and hid nearby. 
It wasn’t that Wanda didn’t trust Y/n. She simply didn’t trust Emma. 
“I don’t understand why you only train with Wanda,” Emma huffed out. She knew that she and Y/n would work well together seeing as they’re part of the rare bunch that actually know how to fight on their own. 
“It’s not something you have to understand. I only train with Wanda. No amount of bargaining will change that.” Emma rolled her eyes at Y/n’s stubbornness. 
“Are you two dating or something?” Wanda’s heart dropped at the question. No one had ever asked her if she was dating Y/n. But that was something she never knew to be thankful for. Her face felt hot and her chest beat like crazy at the mere thought of someone asking her that. 
Wanda would never outright admit that maybe there were some lingering thoughts here and there about Y//n. But this was Acrux and all she could focus on was leaving this planet at age 18 hoping she could find her parents and twin brother.
But here she was, waiting anxiously for Y/n’s response. As if there was some secret she unfortunately wasn’t aware of. Maybe they were dating and she never knew till now. They were partners but does that mean more? 
“No…we’re not,” Y/n answered with some hesitancy. Wanda felt her heart plummet. She hadn’t meant to cry, but tears started falling. “Why am I crying? I already knew we weren’t dating,” she thought. 
There was no point in asking questions. Not when her heart knew…Wanda had fallen for Y/n. 
<|>
Wanda was 17 when she confessed her feelings to Y/n. Emma had been on Acrux for only five months and in those five months, she had constantly made moves on Y/n. Each time, Y/n had denied her offers. 
The more Emma pressed for clearer answers, the more Y/n walked away. And while Y/n would never admit it, Emma suspected that Y/n had feelings for Wanda. 
It was midnight. Wanda was asleep when she was woken up again by Y/n. Turning over, she slowly opened her eyes to a candle and a small cake. “Happy Birthday Wands,” Y/n whispered. “Make a wish.” 
She sat up and held the plate holding the cake. She thought about her wish for a second before blowing out her candle. “What did you wish for?” 
For months, Wanda had been wanting to confess to Y/n. There were multiple times during training, lunch, or even while they hung out that she had wanted to confess. None of them felt like the right time. There was never a right time according to Wanda. 
But it was the way that Y/n had looked at Wanda the whole time as if she was the only girl in the world. Maybe it was her imagination but God Wanda wanted to believe it so badly. And who was she to deny this anymore? 
Unable to hold back the urge, Wanda placed the plate down on her bed as she sat up to grab Y/n by the neck and kissed her. When Y/n did not kiss back immediately, Wanda broke it, afraid that she had messed up the most important thing to her. “I’m so sor-”
Y/n didn’t wait for Wanda to finish as she cupped her cheeks and kissed her back. There was nothing to deny anymore. Not when her knees felt like they could buckle at any moment. Not when the feeling in her chest grew with enticement. 
The desperation in each kiss grew as Y/n sat on Wanda’s bed leading to Wanda to crawl on Y/n’s lap. It felt passionate at first but quickly grew messy after each kiss.  Hardly coming up for air, Wanda grabbed the hair near Y/n’s neck and made a fist of it, unintentionally causing Y/n to moan. 
Feeling Y/n’s hands wrapped around her ass, Wanda moaned as well. She needed this girl more than anyone else in the world. And so be it if Wanda needed air, she needed Y/n more. Y/n broke their kiss, her eyes dilated with lust. While slightly heaving, Y/n confessed, “If you want me Wanda, I’m yours. Only yours.” 
“Show me then.” 
<|>
Y/n turned 18 two months after Wanda’s birthday. Although Wanda was eligible to leave, she stayed, not wanting to leave her girlfriend behind.
They were packing their things up, only carrying the basic necessities before completely leaving the Colosseum. They headed to the landing docks, waiting for the next transportation to arrive when a black spaceship, decked out with the Aetos family logo, arrived.
“Wanda let's go,” Y/n said as she tugged on Wanda’s hand. “That’s not our ride, dekta.” 
“Do you trust me?” Confused by the question, Wanda answered with, “Of course.” 
“Then let's go.” Not wanting to argue anymore, Wanda followed Y/n onto the ship. As soon as they went in, the doors closed, immediately lifting off. A droid entered the main area and stated, “Welcome back Master Y/n. Let me grab your things.” Y/n reached out with their things in her hand. As the droid grabbed their items, Wanda was perplexed at how the droid knew Y/n. “Master? Why did he call you master?” 
There was a worried look on Y/n’s face. The burden she had been carrying for three years was finally going to be free. “I need you to sit down Wanda.” 
“I’m not gonna sit down until you tell me the truth. Why did that droid call you master?” Wanda anxiously waited for Y/n’s response. Nothing was making sense and every single second without the truth only agitated Wanda even more. 
Y/n sighed. There was no way to hide from this. Wanda deserved to know the truth. 
“It’s because he’s my droid. My family gave him to me as a gift for my 5th birthday.” 
“Stop fucking around Y/n. There’s more to this story. Why are we on this ship?!” Wanda crossed her arms, unhappy with the secrets. 
“Before I tell you, I need you to know that I was only able to tell you once I turned 18. Had I told you before then, it would have cost me my life.” There was no response from Wanda, causing Y/n to stress even more. She sat down and continued, “My name is Y/n Aetos. I’m the eldest daughter of the Aetos family.” 
Wanda’s face dropped. “You’re lying. Please tell me you’re lying.” Tears came down Y/n’s face as she shook her head no. 
“This whole time you’ve been lying to me! I told you everything! I gave you every single part of me that was vulnerable just for you to be lying this whole time about who you are!” 
“Hear me-”
“I don’t want to hear it. Get me off this ship now!” Y/n got up and walked to Wanda. But for every step, Wanda stepped back. It was obvious that Y/n was hurt by the reaction. 
“Bab-”
“Don’t you dare call me that,” Wanda snarled. The love of her life had not only betrayed her but was the very reason she was in Acrux in the first place. “If you don’t get me off this ship right now, I will crash it into the nearest planet.” 
There was no point in calling out her bluff. Y/n knew that even if Wanda had tried, she would be unsuccessful. But that was not a route she was willing to take. Not when it came to her. 
“I will give you everything you want - you want off of this ship? Fine. But please let me explain myself.” Before Wanda could disagree, Y/n continued, “I was only 15 when my parents said I had to go to a planet of their choosing and survive until I was 18. It was a long-standing part of our family tradition. Those that survive lead well and those that fail never get to see another day again.” Wanda saw the pained expressions on Y/n’s face as she relieved through the harsh memories. 
“A chip was planted inside my neck on my 15th birthday that forbade me to ever say what my bloodline was. I could only go by my years of training and knowledge. Had I told you, the chip inside me would have blown up within an instant.” 
“No one in this galaxy besides my masters and servants knows what I looked like. For the very reason that if I don’t survive until I’m 18, they simply would not want their precious kingdom to know that I was a failure.” 
There was silence as Y/n pleaded for Wanda to look at her. When she didn’t, Y/n continued to silently cry. This was the day she got back her freedom but at what cost? 
Finally, Wanda spoke up, “Why did you have to rope me into this? I was fine by myself. Was it all a trick to you?” 
Shaking her head no, Y/n confessed, “I knew strategically that if I had someone to rely on then my odds of surviving would increase. In the beginning, you were someone I only looked at as a companion, an ally.” 
“It wasn’t until the day you almost died that everything had changed for me.”
Wanda remembered that day clearly. A bull had managed to stab her straight in the stomach after failing to dodge the attack. Causing her to bleed out in the arena. Thankfully it was a 2v2 match and Y/n was her partner. 
“I had never killed something as fast as that day. When I saw you bleeding, I- I-,” Y/n cupped her mouth to suppress a sob. That was one of the worst days of her life. “I used all my winnings and favors that day to save you. And I didn’t even know then if you were going to survive.” 
Wanda was surprised at the tears falling down her eyes. She didn’t know when it started but it didn’t stop. 
“So when you did, I vowed that I was going to get you out…even if it had cost me my life.” Y/n wiped the tears from her face. Wanda had finally decided to look at Y/n and was heartbroken at the sight. 
“So when you kissed me on your 17th birthday, I knew you were the one for me. It was selfish of me to have you to myself but you are my reason to live Wanda.” Y/n took one more step to Wanda. And when she didn’t back up, she walked even closer. 
“I did not mean to have fallen in love with you. And I certainly did not mean for you to have fallen in love with me.” Y/n cupped Wanda's cheeks and wiped her tears away. “And I’m sorry it was me that you’ve fallen for because you deserve better Wanda.” 
“Did you even want to tell me?” 
“More than you will ever know.” 
“What does this mean for us?” Y/n hardly felt scared in life. It was the way she grew up that if you were to be scared, you would be just like the weak. But today, Y/n felt scared not knowing what the future had for her and Wanda. 
“I will not force you to stay. But if you choose to go…just know my heart will always belong to you.” 
<|>
Two weeks have gone by since Wanda chose to leave Y/n. It was not an easy decision to make. Even her dreams constantly haunt her,  reminding her of the heartbroken face Y/n had when she left. But Wanda could not stay knowing what the Aetos family had done to the galaxy. 
True to her promise, Y/n did not force Wanda to stay. Instead, she used her family’s database to try and find the last rumored location of the Maximoff family. 
“It appears your brother has been in hiding according to these latest reports. He’s currently in the Andromeda fighting against the Blackbar army takeover.” Y/n wiped away her last tears as she moved from the holographic map to a storage unit on the other side of the room. She grabbed a backpack full of equipment, extra water, and a weapon that was in Wanda’s skillhouse. 
Y/n walked back to Wanda and gave her all the items. She tried her best to appear strong for what Wanda chose. “Here are all the items you could need. Inside the backpack is armor, food, water, and a tent. You’ll need to be careful as the armor has my family’s signet on it. Any person who will see it will automatically assume you're the enemy. The first thing you need to do is get rid of it. Take sap from the thick trees that inhabit Andromeda. It should help get rid of the logos.”
Y/n looked around the room for one last item and gave it to Wanda. “And here,” Y/n said while handing it out. “What is this?”
“A beacon. Right now, no location of it exists. But as soon as you press this red button, it’ll alert me of your location. If you ever need help, just press this button and I’ll be there for you. However, it will only be me who comes to your aid. I can’t send troops without my parents knowing about my actions. For now, I think it’s best if we avoid that.” 
“Master Y/n, we’ve landed in Andromeda.” Y/n nodded and looked at the back doors opening revealing the jungle. The hot atmosphere quickly invaded the inside of the plane. There was no clearing in sight as tall trees surrounded them. 
Y/n walked Wanda to the edge of the plane before stopping. “I hope you find your family Wanda.” 
Wanda didn’t know what to say. Instead, she gave Y/n a strong hug before walking away. At the last minute, Wanda turned around to see the door closing. She glanced at Y/n’s face to see a tear fall. 
“I hope to never see you again Wanda Maximoff,” Y/n thought, “You were the best part of my life.”
In an instant, the ship was gone and Wanda was alone again. 
<|>
Wanda was alone in the woods when Pietro had found her. She was preparing for the night as she took off her armor. No logos appeared on it. Wanda had followed Y/n’s advice by immediately removing any signet bearing the Aetos family logo. 
Preparing her tent, she was ambushed by a team. In seconds, soldiers came out from their hiding spots, pointing their guns directly at her. “It was calculated,” Wanda thought as there was no chance for her to attack back. They had been watching for a while now and she barely felt it. Wanda felt stupid but could hardly blame herself. She was exhausted and hungry. 
Wanda heard the leaves behind her ruffle as their Captain spoke, “Who are you?” Wanda waited for them to circle in front of her. She didn’t need to startle any of the team fearing that they might shoot at any sudden movements. 
“My name is Wanda Ma-,” before she could finish her sentence she came eye to eye with someone who looked very familiar. “Pietro?!” 
Pietro was stunned at the girl that knew his name. He got on high alert. He aimed his blue saber at her and almost demanded more information but the terrified look on Wanda’s face stopped him in his tracks. “Wanda?” 
Pietro retracted his saber and hugged his twin sister. “You’re here…you’re finally here.” Wanda hugged back, almost afraid to believe that he was right there. 
“We need to get you back to safety,” Pietro stated as he rounded up his men. “There are so many things I need to tell you but right now let's pack up your stuff and get back to my base. Night in Andromeda is not safe.” 
<|>
Pietro led Wanda back to a village in the trees. Many huts were placed high above the ground and all were connected by wooden bridges that allowed for easier travel. “This is my home,” Pietro said as they walked through the door. “I’ll let you freshen up in the bathroom. In the meantime, I’ll prepare us dinner.” 
Wanda walked into the bathroom and noticed all the dirt and sap that covered her face and armor. She quickly undressed herself and practically moaned at the feeling of hot water. After she finished washing herself, Wanda got dressed in some fresh clothes that Pietro laid out. 
“Dinners ready!” Pietro yelled from the kitchen. Wanda walked out of the bathroom and placed her armor near the front of the house, not wanting to get Pietro’s place dirty. Once she got near the kitchen, she could smell the richness of the meal, instantly making her stomach grumble with delight. “Dig in.” 
Wanda sat across Pietro and served herself a portion of the meal. They both ate in silence as Wanda devoured the food in front of her. It was hard to survive in Andromeda when she knew little of what could kill her or not. 
“Do you like it?” Wanda nodded in agreement as she stuffed herself. “That’s good to hear. I’ve been working on my cooking skills whenever I have free time.” 
Wanda ate a couple more bites before asking, “Are you a captain of sorts? It seemed like those soldiers responded to your commands.” 
“I am. Although there’s not much official order around here, I have managed to get respected enough to be followed as a captain.” Pietro collected their dishes and placed them in the sink. 
“Let’s talk more in the living room.” As Wanda and Pietro sat on the couch, Wanda was quick to ask, “Do you have any clue on where our parents are?” With a solemn smile, Pietro said, “Our parents are..away.” 
“What do you mean?” Pietro sighed as he readjusted his position, “Let me start from the beginning.”
Pietro cleared his throat, “During the invasion, the Aetos family had packed all the younglings on a ship. We were supposed to be sent to Acrux but my ship had crash-landed in Andromeda. Thankfully, there was a village nearby that helped all of us out and took us in.”
“For weeks, I tried my best to find a way to get back home. It wasn’t until I got access to our family’s money that someone listened to me.”
“They provided me with transportation back but once I arrived, it was like a different place Wanda. Within those weeks, the empire of Barlowe had taken over everything. It was like a planet that housed thousands of soldiers for miles.”
“I tried my best to get intel on what happened. Fortunately enough, the few native people left told me everything.” Pietro reached out and grabbed Wanda’s hand. “An invasion from the Barlowe empire happened. They disguised themselves as the Aetos family to manipulate the rest of the galaxy into thinking that they were taking over.” 
“They relocated all the children to many different places. As for the adults, those that weren’t captured fled and those that were captured had to work for the empire.” 
“I tried sneaking into one of their bases to find more intel on our parents but all I could find was that they weren’t captured and were in hiding. The next thing I did was look for you in the system but nothing about you popped up. I wanted to find out more but I didn’t know how. So I flew back to Andromeda and have been living here with the other kids from Fornia.” 
Wanda sat there and tried her best to take all of it in. “Do you think they’re still alive?” Pietro sighed once more as there were countless times he thought of finding them. “I wish they were but it’s been three years and none of the other kids have a clue on where their parents are at. We kind of stopped holding on to hope of seeing our parents again when the Blackbar army started their invasion on Andromeda a couple of months ago.” 
“What’s stopping you from fleeing?” Wanda was desperate to cling on to Pietro. The fact that he was still alive gave Wanda some hope that her parents were also alive. 
Pietro looked away as he glanced at the window showcasing the village. “In the three years I’ve been here, I’ve managed to find myself people that I trust and care about. In turn, they look to me to help defend Andromeda from this takeover. I know I could still flee using our family’s money, but where would I go? Invasions are happening all around the galaxy.” Pietro was momentarily lost in his thoughts as he remembered all the times he desperately wished his family would rescue him. 
“Not only that, there’s this girl that I’ve grown feelings for. She’s been with me since we crashed here. And I don’t have the heart to leave her.” Although Wanda wanted to feel disappointed in Pietro’s decision to stop looking for their parents, she too knew the feeling of not being able to leave without Y/n. She reminisced for a few moments before focusing back on the conversation.  
“There is more that I need to tell you but could you tell me what it’s been like for you?” 
With a heavy heart, Wanda sighed, “Where do I even start?” 
<|>
“How did we even get to this point?” Wanda questioned as she fought her best to stay conscious. Dry blood ran down her face, her hands were tied behind her back, and a gag was placed in her mouth. Pietro was passed out in the cell across from her, tied up in the same manner. 
The twins were barely united for two weeks before Blackbar’s army sent reinforcements to further the invasion of Andromeda. Pietro was stuck in the front lines along with Wanda who refused to leave his side. The village barely was able to make a dent in the enemy’s forces before being captured. 
That was three days ago and now the majority of the village was stuck in a cell each being tortured for information. “Get up,” the guard demanded as they opened Wanda’s cell. She proceeded to scream and kick the best she could, causing Pietro to wake up. 
“Let go of her!” He screamed into his gag. “Get the boy as well.” The guard had enough of Wanda’s theatrics and punched her in the face causing her to pass out from all the pain. They dragged the twins to the control area where the leader of the operations was, dropping them in the middle of the room. “Are you idiots? I need them awake.”
“Yes, sir.” Grabbing the syringe, the guards injected Wanda and Pietro with a serum that would help them stay awake. “Remove their gags.” 
Stirring awake, Wanda groaned in pain. Nothing in Acrux had compared to this aching feeling throughout her body. If she had the energy, she would have screamed from how much pain she was feeling. “Wanda Maximoff, just the girl we need. According to our intel, you were on Acrux around the same time a certain Aetos was inhabiting the planet.” 
Wanda was barely conscious as she saw General Tullius grab a knife and hold it to Pietro’s neck. “Tell me what you know or your brother is going to die.” Wanda’s eyes widened, “Please don’t!” She thrashed in her bindings as tears fell from her eyes. “I’ll tell you everything you need to know but please let him go.” 
“Wanda don’t-”
“Silence! If you want to live, I suggest you cooperate.” Pietro froze as the knife was pressed deeper into his throat. 
“General Tullius,” a different soldier entered the room with Wanda’s backpack in hand. “Here are the girl’s items.” General Tullius grabbed the bag and looked through it. The only thing that caught his eye was the small remote. 
He dropped the bag and observed it. “Tell me Ms. Maximoff, what does this do?” Wanda held her breath at the very thing that could save them. “Don’t press it,” she begged. He didn’t listen and pressed it anyway. He looked around and felt nothing happen. “It’s useless anyways - come with me now, you have information to share.”
“As for you,” General Tullius sliced Pietro’s throat as Wanda Maximoff screamed in horror, witnessing her only sibling die in front of her. 
<|>
Hours have gone by and Wanda has not given any information to the General. All she could focus on was the blood on the floor where Pietro’s dead body was once. 
“If you can’t provide me with the information, I will find someone who can,” General Tullius spat at Wanda. There was a different type of evil in his eyes. Only hot anger lay behind them. Which meant one thing, General Tullius was sent here to prove something, something his superior doubted. And any loss meant more than likely his life. 
Tired and barely clinging on to her life, Wanda prayed and pleaded with all her might that Y/n would come soon. But as minutes went by, her hope waned. Y/n could be anywhere in the galaxy, probably back with her family, which could be light-years away. How could Wanda believe that she’d drop everything to come? “God, please…please send me help.” 
“Sir, an unmarked ship is heading directly for us. How would you like to respond?” 
“Take it down!” General Tullius could not bother with the inconveniences as he headed back to Wanda. Before he could hurt her again, explosions rattled the building followed by the blaring alarm system. 
“What the?” More artillery exploded. A shiver ran down General Tullius. He could feel the raw power that landed in his fortress. The force inside him could feel that this was only one person but someone not to mess with. 
“Turn on the cameras! They’re inside the building.” Wanda paid attention to all the chaos. She could see the panic run through General Tullius. This was someone above his skill level, someone powerful. 
The camera feed played for everyone in the headquarters to see. A dark figure with all-black armor walked through the hallways. No effort was exerted as this figure force choked the troops in her way. The raw power caused the camera feed to go black as the lights flickered out. 
“What’s happening?! Give me a different angle now!” The officer did as told and tried their best to provide a different camera angle. In a different room, a new wave of troopers prepared for the enemy. Everyone could easily hear the terrifying screams coming from the other side of the door. 
“Hold,” the commander stated. The building shook as the door crunched slowly. Soon it was pulled off its hinges. No one could see what was happening. 
A bloody body came crawling out of the shadows, “Please…kill…me.” A trooper tried to reach out but the body was merely dragged out of sight. Soon, the rumble of a lightsaber was heard. The red color illuminated the shadow of the figure. “Fire!” 
Red lasers fired their way. None touched the figure. One was purposely deflected to hit the camera inside. The feed went to black and General Tullius knew what he was facing. 
Wanda almost smiled in delight at the scared look on General Tullius’s face. “It’s Y/n,” she thought. The General gathered all officers and troopers to aim at the door. “We need to be on lockdown! Now!” 
“That would never be enough,” Wanda thought. But the injuries were adding up, she could feel herself needing to sleep. Soon, she saw the door fly off its hinges, crushing the majority of those who guarded it. The smoke and alarms were too much to process. Wanda fainted from the pain. The last thing she saw was the color red. 
<|>
Not much time had passed before Wanda woke up. Everyone in the room was already dead besides General Tullius. The saber in his stomach was hard to miss. 
“My family’s name is carried through the innocents we kill, the horrors children sing, and the people we control,” Y/n’s helmet unveiled to show her face. The glow of her lightsaber made her eyes appear red with madness. Inch by inch, she pushed her saber further and further, wanting the burning sensation to feel like an eternity.
“Your death will be meaningless compared to the thousands of generals we’ve killed.” General Tullius felt his blood start to boil, the heat coming from the lightsaber was burning him inside out. “Your men will forever remember the day I single-handedly slaughtered them to the masses.” His blood started to spill out of his eyes, mouth, and nose. No words could escape as he continued to scream in horror. 
“And you will never know a day of peace as I will chase you in hell for all the crimes you’ve committed against her.” Y/n flicked her arm, slicing the general in half. The smell of his flesh burning was almost too much for Wanda to handle as she looked away. She could hear the body drop to the ground as the room soon became quiet. 
Y/n surveyed the room of her damages. Many troops lay dead all because of one call. But this was who Y/n was. The daughter of the most evil family in the world. And Wanda so happens to be the person she loved. 
Y/n retreated her lightsaber back to its hilt and clipped it onto her belt. She removed her helmet and slowly walked towards Wanda. Bruises were covering Wanda’s body as well as some dried blood coming from her forehead. The sight made Y/n choke in anger but she remained composed. 
“Wanda?” Y/n called out, hoping to not scare her off. This was a side that Wanda had never seen before. The killings in the Colosseum were mandatory. It was always the opponent you were against but this. This was different. Y/n killed mercilessly without hesitation. No one could even beg to live another day before she killed them off. This was the part of Y/n that held the Aetos family name. This was the evil that surrounded and consumed Y/n. 
There were a couple of feet between them when Wanda spoke up and said, “You killed them all.” Wanda looked around, unable to cope with how much death surrounded her in just one instance. “I know my love.” Y/n didn’t move any closer, allowing Wanda to process. “I’m sorry I took so long…are you okay?” 
When Wanda looked into Y/n’s eyes, she no longer saw the person she had just seconds ago. Here was the Y/n she fell in love with. The one that made sure she was okay at the end of the day. The one that would give up her food to make sure she ate. The one that would kiss away all the pain from being on Acrux. The one that just knew her. 
Wanda ran back into Y/n’s arm where everything clicked. She felt safe, wanted, and loved in her arms. Nothing would ever harm her here. Tears ran down Wanda’s face, exhaustion creeping up on her. “Everything is going to be okay my love, I promise.” Y/n continued to murmur soft affirmations, hoping it would calm Wanda down. 
“You don’t have to explain anything to me right now, but let’s get you somewhere safe.” Wanda nodded in agreement as Y/n wiped her tears away. Hand in hand, they walked out of the base without any interruptions. 
<|>
There was a small fire near the ship that Y/ n prepared. Using the force, she gathered two decent-sized logs to use as makeshift chairs. Heading back outside, Y/n held a pot filled with her meat soup recipe. She hooked it over the fire and stirred. Feeling satisfied with it, she sat next to Wanda who was finally bandaged up. 
“You look different,” Wanda commented. “Is that a good or bad thing?” Wanda took a decent look at Y/n. She still had the scar on her eye but her face looked more sharp and her skin was more tan. There was this slight glow surrounding her. 
“I would say good.” Y/n hummed in satisfaction. Hearing the soup boil, she prepared two bowls. “Here you go, Wanda. Be careful, it’s hot.” Wanda held the warm bowl and started to blow air towards it. Wanda grabbed the extra spoon from Y/n’s hand. The smell coming from the bowl was to die for. Not only that, Wanda was desperate for a warm home-cooked meal. Wanda didn’t wait for the soup to simmer to start eating. Together they ate in silence like old times. 
When they were done, Y/n gathered the dishes and headed back inside the ship. She placed them inside the washer and walked back outside. It was nighttime now and Andromeda had the clearest view of the sky. “Have you taken a look at the sky?” 
“It was one of the first things I noticed after we parted ways. Even though it’s been six months, I’ve always been blown away. It almost feels like I can reach all the stars in the sky.” Wanda held her hand out as she examined the sky, imagining what it would feel like to have it in the palm of her hand. 
Y/n laid down beside Wanda. They each had their own sleeping bag. “The stars looked different here compared to my home planet.” 
“What is it like?” 
“Well, my planet is mainly full of cloudy skies. I don’t go outside often enough since my home is underwater.” Wanda turned on her side to face Y/n. She was surprised at the new information since they never got to speak about Y/n's true life. 
“Why is your home underwater? Do you not have land to build on?” Y/n shook her head in disagreement. “We do have land but mainly use it for decoy purposes. Our true city lies at the bottom of the ocean. While we don’t quite have stars in the sky, the surrounding coral and fish are a different site to see.” 
“Did you miss your family?” Wanda didn’t know where the courage to ask these questions came from. Mainly, she had wanted to distract herself from the events before. 
“I did. When they saw my course for home, they called me to tell me they were proud of me.” Y/n thought for a moment before admitting, “I did miss you more though.” Y/n looked at Wanda. Not knowing what to say, Wanda gave her a small smile. 
“I know I said I’ll give you time, but I need to know what you want to do after this.” 
“I don’t have a clue right now.” It scared Wanda to know she had no plan. For the past three years, all she could focus on was coming back home to her family. It was foolish to believe that everything was going to be fine after three years, that they could go back to the way it was. But sadly, she couldn’t. 
“Do you want to come home with me?” 
“I-,” Wanda cut herself off after remembering all the tall tales of the Aetos family. “I know my family’s reputation scares you but I promise you there is nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be there to protect you. Not only that, I have a separate condo in the city. You can stay there as long as you like until you figure out what your plan is.” 
Wanda was silent for a moment. Too much change was happening in such a short amount of time. It was almost too much for Wanda to handle. But as she looked at Y/n’s pleading eyes, she couldn’t help but say, “You better protect me.” 
“I cross my heart.” 
<|>
“We’re on course to my home planet Vernak,” Y/n shouted from the cockpit. She flicked a couple more switches before setting the ship on autopilot. Y/n walked back to the main area of the small ship to find Wanda in deep thought. 
“I can set it for a longer route if you need more time to think.” Wanda broke out of her thoughts and smiled at Y/n. “It’s okay,” Wanda sighed, “As long as you’re protecting me, then anything is better than being captive again.” 
Y/n knelt in front of Wanda and slowly intertwined their hands. “Don’t be afraid to talk to me. I know that it’s been a lot of change since we left Acrux but I’m still the Y/n you know, the one that will never let anyone hurt you again.” 
Wanda wanted to believe Y/’s words. There was still a large part of Y/n that she never knew about and that terrified her. “How do I know that I won’t get hurt on Vernak?” 
“I’ll die before I let anyone hurt you, Wanda,” Y/n said with all seriousness. “I know you’ve seen me fight back in Acrux. That part of me only had access to my knowledge and not my powers.” 
Wanda’s eyebrows furrowed. “You have powers?” Y/n chuckled. “Wrong choice of words but I am force sensitive. I’m a Jedi.” 
“That explains why you have that lightsaber,” Wanda pointed to the lightsaber that was clipped to Y/n’s belt. “Yeah, it’s my preferred choice of weapon but I wasn’t allowed to have it when I was on Acrux.” 
The cockpit’s alarm signaled that they were close to Vernak. “We’ll have to strap in now for landing, but I do have to ask you a favor.” 
“What is it?” Y/n let go of Wanda’s hands and grabbed the blindfold from her pocket. She placed the item into Wanda’s hands. “I need you to trust me and put this on. I’m not binding you or anything, but when we enter Vernak, I need you to be blindfolded for it.” 
“Can I ask why?” Y/n gave a small smile, “I’ll explain more when we land. No more secrets, I promise.” Wanda felt reluctant to follow Y/n’s rules but as they sat back in the cockpit and buckled in, she did as told and blindfolded herself. “No more secrets,” she thought to herself. 
<|>
The ship floated above Y/n’s condo, allowing the two to be teleported into her home. The sensation made Wanda’s stomach queasy as she straightened her posture again. “We’ve arrived. You can take your blindfold off now.” 
Y/n walked away to the kitchen, hungry from the journey. “You must be hungry so I’ll cook us something. Is there anything in particular you want to eat?” 
Wanda removed the blindfold and was stunned by her surroundings. She didn’t know what to expect when it came to her ex-girlfriend’s condo, but it surely wasn’t this. 
There was slick black furniture with brown accents that filled the medium sized condo. Various framed photos were displayed on one wall, the biggest one being a family painted portrait of the Aetos family. A large floor to ceiling bookshelf divided the living room and kitchen. And from what Wanda could tell, many of the books involved war and culture. 
What captured Wanda’s attention the most was the view of the city. Ignoring Y/n’s question, Wanda got up and walked to the window. A spectacular city lay before them. A handful of  skyscrapers were spread around the land. Small buildings stood in between as well as an intricate river that wove around the city. Various foliage hung from the side of the skyscrapers as well as the natural beauty on the ground. 
“What do you think?” Y/n stood by Wanda’s side, her hands behind her back. She couldn’t grasp what was going through Wanda’s head but the fascination in her eyes excited Y/n. 
“I think I’m in a dream.” Wanda followed various sky trams that zoomed through the city. The technological wonders were beyond what she expected. But the view, it was drop dead gorgeous how the sun was casting on Vernak. The place looked like heaven. 
Y/n smiled and looked back at Vernak. The view was something she never grew tired of. More than anything, it was what she dreamed of during her days in Acrux. There were multiple times that Y/n cried silently in her sleep thinking that she would never make it back home. But the thought of never making it back kept her alive. 
“If you’re up for it, we can walk around the block after you’re done eating.” Wanda looked at Y/n, almost forgetting about Pietro. But the weight of it all crumbled. 
Almost falling forward, Wanda hugged Y/n and sobbed into her neck. She couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. Everything changed and Wanda feared what was going to happen in her future. But as Y/n held her tightly while rubbing her back, whispering soft affirmations, Wanda knew she was safe. 
<|>
The night came and Wanda cried herself to sleep in Y/n’s arms after confessing the tragedies that happened on Andromeda. From the torture to Pietro’s death, Wanda didn’t leave a single detail out. The amount of pain that Wanda had gone through in such a short amount of time enraged the young Aetos daughter. 
All Y/n could think of was her broken promise to protect Wanda from all harm. Had she fought harder to stay with Wanda would she be in the same predicament? Had she managed a way to tell Wanda about her situation would she still be with Y/n? Had she been quicker to arrive at Andromeda would Pietro still be alive? 
Regardless of the what if’s, Y/n was unable to take Wanda’s pain away. Revenge was something that would come later, that was certain. But for now, Y/n would stay at Wanda’s side, doing anything and everything to take away Wanda’s pain. 
<|>
After a week of being cooped up in Y/n’s condo, Wanda decided today was the day to step out and explore. Although part of her still thought the view was a mere trick, she was learning to trust Y/n again. 
Dressed up in some of Y/n’s clothes, Wanda pushed past her anxiety and walked to the front of the condo where Y/n waited. “You look good.” Something about Wanda being in her clothes made Y/n feral, but the small comment was all she uttered. 
Wanda blushed and grabbed the rain coat hung up in the foyer as a distraction. “I think I have everything.” 
“Great, let’s head out.” As Y/n tried to open the door, Wanda grabbed Y/n’s free hand and intertwined their hands. Y/n looked back, trying not to panic at the gesture. “Don’t let go,” Wanda whispered, feeling vulnerable under Y/n’s gaze.
Not knowing if it was crossing boundaries, Y/n kissed Wanda’s hand in the same way she did back on Acrux. “Never.” 
<|>
“I don’t understand,” Wanda says as she looks around the bustling city. There easily could have been a hundred people just on this street alone. Everyone looked so at ease with life. “You’re not supposed to understand,” Y/n lightly commented. 
Several people walked past them, all acknowledging Y/n. They spoke at such ease that it perplexed Wanda. “Was this the same Aetos her planet feared? Was this an act?” She thought. None of it made any sense. 
Intrigued by one of the market stalls, Wanda let go of Y/n’s hand and walked towards it. The sight of fresh fruit and vegetables made her stomach grumble. “What would you like, miss?” Wanda slightly backed off and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t have any money on me.”
The worker grew confused at her response. “It’s free, ma’am.” Y/n slid to Wanda's side and grabbed two apples, a banana, and a mango . “I think this will be all for us Ethan. Are the crops still looking good in your region?” 
Ethan grabbed the items and placed them into a brown paper bag. 
“There are small issues with the implementation of our water system, but so far it’s been great. The new technology has been helping us be more efficient.” Y/n smiled in delight while grabbing the bag. “That’s good to hear. I’ll try to see if there’s anything I can do when it comes to the new system though. It should have been smooth sailing. But you have a good day now.” 
Y/n grabbed Wanda’s hand once more and looked around the city. There was so much that Y/n had wanted to show Wanda from the art district, business district, and culture district. However, it was only Wanda’s first day out. Not wanting to add to her anxiety, Y/n led Wanda on a small walk through the heart of the city. She gave her an apple and Wanda took in all the new sights. 
“I’m guessing you have questions.” Y/n grabbed the second apple and started to eat. 
“You think? None of this makes sense.” Every story she’d ever heard about the Aetos family was nothing but horror. The planet was to have hosted the worst criminals in the galaxy. So why does it look like a fairytale?  “Follow me. I have the perfect spot to explain everything to you.” 
Y/n led Wanda to the nearest sky tram. “Hold on-,” the tram flew up from the streets, causing Wanda to stumble back a little. Quick with her reflexes, Y/n reached out and grabbed Wanda by her waist. “-they tend to be fast,” Y/n said sheepishly. Wanda held on to the same pole as Y/n.
Soon, they arrived at a floating garden. It was high above the clouds which allowed Wanda to get a good view of the sunset. “Come on. I know a private spot.” Still holding Wanda by the waist, Y/n led them to a familiar spot near the edge of the garden. There was a seat that saw the view of the city below as well as the clouds that sat right on top of it. 
“Welcome to my hideout.” Y/n watched as Wanda looked around awestruck at the view surrounding them. Nearby plants looked to be taken care of yet no caretakers were in sight. “Do you take care of them?” Wanda asked as she touched one of the plants. 
“I try my best. I’ve recently been learning more about herbology and gardening to expand on my skills.” Y/n hadn’t meant to boast but she desperately carved for Wanda’s approval or affirmation. 
“You never told me that you wanted to try learning about plants.” Y/n shrugged. There was more she wanted to tell but was never allowed. “If you have the time, I can tell you everything you ever wanted to know about me.”
Wanda walked towards the seat and beckoned for Y/n to sit beside her. “I want to know first about the history of your planet because where are all the crimes and murderers that I used to hear about.” 
“If I tell you, you must promise not to tell a soul outside this planet. If you were to spread the truth about my home planet, many people could get hurt.” The seriousness in Y/n’s voice struck Wanda’s attention. 
“I promise.” 
“Good. I’m holding you to that Maximoff.” Wanda smiled at the lightness that surrounded Y/n. It was all too different from the stoic nature Y/n had back in Acrux. “Probably was trying her best to stay alive,” Wanda thought. 
“Vernak, as you may have thought it to be home of all murderers, rapists, and thieves was actually home to the very first runaways.” Y/n wiped a hologram into view to showcase a family photo of a father, mother, and two sons. “Dain and Elizabeth Aetos and their sons Cain and Christopher. These are my ancestors.” 
“They’re a beautiful family,” Wanda admired. “Dain was a Jedi Knight while Elizabeth was a senator. In a farther part of the galaxy, these two were not allowed to love due to the rules of being a Jedi Knight.” Y/n swiped to show articles stating that Jedis were not allowed to have any relationship. 
“The goal of any Jedi is to defend and protect. They’re like peacekeepers of the galaxy. If they were to get into relationships, it may lead to biases to protect that individual over another. So when Dain was caught, he fled with his wife to a different part of the galaxy.” 
Y/n showed a map to showcase how far of a journey the Aetos family had to endure to get away from the Jedi counsel. “They landed in Vernak and built a home for themselves. For a while, it was just them four living on an inhabited planet.” 
“One day, Dain had gotten word of another couple that was also in the same predicament as them. While he was scared to leave his family, Elizabeth understood the importance of saving this couple and encouraged him to go. It was a long journey and Dain did get injured from it but thankfully the husband had a medical background.” 
“What would have happened if they were caught?” Y/n looked into Wanda’s eyes and sighed. “Back then it was a different culture, but the Jedi would have been killed for breaking this rule. As for their partner, they typically get banished.”
“Your ancestors knew the consequences of loving each other and still did?” Wanda didn’t mean to appear like she was judging but losing your life over loving someone was a big punishment to possibly face. 
“I would’ve done the same to be with you.” 
There was hope in Y/n’s eyes that Wanda felt the same way still, but when she hadn’t answered, Y/n cleared her throat and continued with the story. “Ever since that day, the Aetos family declared that they would help any people that needed refuge in any type of way. They grew and grew and grew. However, the boys were now in their late 20’s and pointed out that if they continued to rescue people, they would get caught.” 
Y/n swiped to show an updated family photo of the Aetos family and this time, the boys were now grown men with wives in the picture. “On this eventful night in history, the Aetos family forged a plan to fabricate what Vernak was. They sent out loyal soldiers to neighboring planets to spread rumors that Vernak was an evil planet filled with the worst that mankind has ever seen.” 
“It took a long time but people started to believe it. Because of this lie, generations of people taught it to their children and their children and so on. In the meantime, we still rescued many of those that needed it. Vernak was the planet for the forbidden people, the runaways. We vow to protect those in need in the name of love.” 
Wanda took it all in as she watched the sunset go down and stars in the sky appear. “So this whole time, Vernak has been a thriving place full of culture and life? If you have an army, what’s the point of still lying to the galaxy?” 
Y/n sighed, preparing herself for the harsh truth. “We lie to protect our citizens. Some have ancestors that were supposed to have been beheaded had we not stepped in and helped. Others have families that are still hunted to this day. If word gets out that these people are alive, who knows how many soldiers would come to try and defeat us.” 
Y/n held Wanda’s hand, “We lie so that our people can live peacefully.” 
<|>
Two months have passed since Wanda had first arrived in Vernak. In the short amount of time, Wanda had managed to learn more about the planet’s history, army, politics, and culture. One of the biggest differences was obviously the lack of evil that the planet hosted. 
If anything, there was close to zero crime committed on the streets of Vernak. This marveled Wanda even more to learn how their legislation worked. With the help of Y/n, she attended several conferences where bills and laws were passed. 
The lack of arguing or fear mongering almost made Wanda uncomfortable. The palace had too much peace. Even her home planet had its fair share of power hungry people. So to see people work together to achieve the betterment of their people was odd to see. 
Right now, Wanda sat in her room, writing in her journal about the things she learned today when she heard the sound of the front door open. Closing her journal, Wanda walked out to the living room to see Y/n stripping off her royal attire. 
Wanda leaned up against the wall as Y/n sighed from the long day.  “How was your day?” 
Y/n looked up and smiled. “Rough. I had force training and it was more strenuous than usual.” Wanda walked towards Y/n and gave her a small hug.
Things were still unclear on what the two of them were. But having Wanda around was more than enough for Y/n. As for Wanda, she liked that Y/n never pressured her to talk. For now, things were okay. Pulling back from the hug, arms still around Y/n’s neck, Wanda said, “I cooked for you today.” 
Y/n held on to Wanda’s waist, a smirk on her face. “You did? You didn’t have to do that.” 
Wanda poked Y/n’s chest. “Nonsense. Plus, I managed to get the right ingredients. We’re having a proper Fornia dinner tonight. So dress nicely and you need a shower, you stink.”
With a light shove from Wanda, Y/n walked to her room with a laugh. “Yes ma’am.” 
<|>
After cleaning herself up, Y/n walked out her room in an all black attire. The savory aroma of the meal was the first thing Y/n noticed as she walked closer to the dim kitchen.
Once she entered, Y/n was awestruck at the sight of a candle lit dinner. “Woah,” she muttered under her breath. Before she walked any further, Wanda snuck behind Y/n and intertwined their hands. 
“You like?” Y/n looked back, ready to compliment the dinner, but the sight of Wanda in an all black skin tight dress stopped her. It was like everything in the room stopped as she took it all in. Wanda’s hair was curled to perfection and her makeup made Y/n’s heart leap. 
Mouth agape, Y/n took a step back, spun Wanda around. “I don’t think there’s enough words to describe how beautiful you are Wanda.” 
Wanda was thankful for the dim lights as she blushed under Y/n’s gaze. “I’d say you look handsome tonight.” Y/n led Wanda to her seat and helped push her in. 
“This looks so amazing Wanda. I can’t wait to eat it.” Y/n sat on the other side ready to dig in but Wanda’s longing gaze stopped her. “Are you okay Wands?” 
“I want to say something and you can’t interrupt me, okay?” Y/n shook her head in understandment. Wanda shook her nerves away as she reached out once again to hold Y/n’s hand. Meeting her half, Y/n held Wanda’s hand, giving her a comforting squeeze. 
“I first want to thank you for being here for me. These past two months have been such a whirlwind and having you here with me has been such a relief.” Wanda started to tear up, feeling her emotions get the best of her. 
“I know you must wonder what I’ve been wanting to do or what my plan for the future is and for the first month, I honestly didn’t know what I wanted.”  Wiping away a fallen tear, Wanda continued. “But living here in Vernak with you. It’s given me something to look forward to.” 
Y/n smiled softly. She gave Wanda another gentle squeeze knowing the girl had more to say. “I thought that my life was over the moment I landed in Acrux. But life led me to you. And suddenly, it felt like my life finally started.” 
“I know we don’t talk enough about my decision to leave you but I do want to say I’m so sorry.” The moment replayed in both of their heads and all Wanda could feel was regret. “I should’ve heard you out but instead I left.” 
“Wanda, darling, I don’t blame you for leaving.” The sympathetic look on Y/n’s face broke Wanda’s heart. Here she was apologizing but entirely, there was nothing to apologize for. Y/n always understood Wanda’s decision to leave. “You chose based on information we purposely crafted for generations. There was no way you could have known the truth about Vernak.” 
Wanda continued to cry at Y/n’s generosity, feeling even more guilty on her decision to leave. Hating the sight of Wanda crying, Y/n got up and squatted in front of her. She cupped her face and wiped the tears away. “I wish I never left you.” 
Y/n’s heart dropped at the whispered confession. This was the first time that Wanda had remotely ever admitted anything like that. In turn, Y/n admitted, “I wish I stayed.” 
Vulnerability was something Y/n was hardly taught to give. It could lead to death, abandonment, or betrayal. But every single time Y/n chose to be vulnerable, it was for Wanda and no one else. 
“Do you think…” Wanda looked into Y/n’s eyes as she choked back her tears, “...if I were to ask for another chance…what would you say?” 
Y/n thought about it for a moment before saying, “I’d give you a thousand chances if it meant to be with you again.” 
Unable to hold herself back, Wanda leaned in for a kiss, hoping that Y/n could feel just how much she missed her. Hoping that it would be enough to apologize for all the countless lies she believed in. Hoping that she can prove to Y/n once more that she’d never leave again. 
And as Y/n deepened the kiss, tasting Wanda’s tears, she prayed that the only girl she’s ever loved will understand that no matter what, she will always choose her.
<|>
Evil was something Wanda hardly associated Y/n with. After a year of living on Vernak, she could only see the good Y/n and her family have done for the people. So when Y/n came home from a rough day at the palace, Wanda’s love changed. 
She sat at their shared bed when she heard the front door open and close. “I’m over here dekta!” It took Y/n a long time to get to their bedroom, a long look was on her face when she arrived. 
Immediately noticing that something was wrong, Wanda closed her book and opened her arms. With no words, Y/n fell into Wanda’s arms. The feeling of being with her instantly relaxed the young Aetos. 
For a while, the two laid in bed, tangled in each other's arms before Y/n spoke up. “Something happened today and I…I don’t know how to handle it.” 
Wanda ran her hand through Y/n’s hair, trying her best to comfort her girlfriend. She pressed a small kiss on Y/n’s temple before saying, “You can tell me dekta. I’m all ears.” 
Y/n sighed, not knowing where to even start. “There was intel that came to the palace about a bounty hunter that managed to torture information about Vernak.” 
“We managed to get our hands on them but…” Y/n grimaced as she remembered. “...we had to kill them as well as the rest of the bounty hunters that they told.” Wanda could feel Y/n start to cry. 
“I know death is something I’m used to but these people were different. They were hired for all the wrong reasons in order to make ends meet. Many of them had families and now they’re probably waiting for them to come home.” 
Y/n slowly sat up as she wiped her own tears. Wanda followed suit and sat on Y/n’s lap. “I just- I hate the tough decisions we have to make. When things don’t feel as black and white, it makes me wonder if what we’re doing is good.” 
Y/n looked into Wanda’s eyes with fear. “It makes me wonder if I’m good enough for you.” 
Wanda frowned at the confession. “Don’t ever question that. There’s nothing in this world that will ever make me think that you’re not good enough for me.” Wanda gave Y/n a quick kiss, hoping to take away some of the pain her girlfriend was feeling. “Everything you do is to protect me and your people. There’s not a single day where I ever felt like you hurted people just to hurt. You and your family make the hard decisions in order for us to be safe.” 
“What if I told you we were evil?” Wanda looked at Y/n confused. 
“Dekta, we’ve been over this. Your family being evil is a lie.” Y/n almost felt guilty for how much Wanda cared for her. For if she were to see all the decisions being made, would she still stay? 
Y/n looked away, unable to meet Wanda’s eyes. “They unveiled today the final secret…our family has a long list of people turning to the dark side in order to make sure our country is protected. Even my father has admitted to tapping into that side of the force.” 
Y/n clenched her eyes, unable to forget the moment that electricity came out of her father’s hands. “The red lightsaber was one thing but having the powers of the dark side is another. I fear that if I’m not strong enough, I’ll succumb to the thoughts of the dark side.” 
“...I fear to be the person you hate.” 
Silence surrounded the room as Wanda stayed in deep thought. There were so many questions in her head but as Y/n slowly looked up, Wanda knew what to say. 
“Fear has controlled me before and it led me away from you. So listen when I say this, do not let fear make you believe that you will be destined for evil. The dark side is powerful but so are the emotions they feel. And as long as I’m here, I will never let evil succumb to you.”
Wiping away the remainder of her tears, Wanda finished with, “You are destined to be a great leader my love. Evil may linger in your genes but your heart shows me everything I need to know. And I will love you enough for the both of us to make you see that you are good.” 
Leaning in for one more kiss, Wanda would never call Y/n evil. 
<|>
Wanda and Y/n were 25 the night before their wedding. 
Wanda was looking out the balcony when she heard a knock at her door. It was close to midnight. “No one should be up,” she thought. The hologram displayed Y/n’s image and Wanda immediately opened the door. “What are you doing? You know it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.” 
Y/n chuckled at the superstition and entered anyway. “I wanted to see you. Today has been long without you.” Y/n jumped onto the bed, feeling exhausted. Wanda followed suit as she dimmed the lighting in the room. 
They got under the covers and laid next to each other. Face to face, Wanda asked, “I know something’s troubling you.” Y/n still had her eyes closed when she responded with, “And how do you know that my love?” 
“I have a gut feeling. Or maybe the force has connected us.” The thought was sincere. What if they were fated soulmates? “Plus, anytime I’m wide awake this late at night, you always seem to be in distress. So tell me what’s wrong dekta.”
Y/n sighed and snuggled into Wanda’s neck. Wanda started to play with Y/n’s hair, waiting for her to talk. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us…and I wanted to tell you something.” Y/n sat up, leaning on her arm for support as Wanda remained lying down on the bed. 
They held hands as Y/n added, “Loving me is hard.” Wanda frowned at the statement. “It’s something I’ve thought about a lot. And sometimes I doubt if this is the right path for you.” Feeling Y/n’s insecurities rise, Wanda sat up and cupped Y/n’s cheeks. “You are my path Y/n. There’s no doubt about that.” 
“You say that but tomorrow is our wedding. There’s no going back after that. You’re going to be stuck with me forever.” 
“You act as if that’s such a bad thing dekta.” Y/n sighed not knowing how to formulate her thoughts. “I chose you when I came back to you. I chose you again when I said yes to engaging you. And I will say yes once more tomorrow to have forever with you.” Wanda kissed Y/n long and hard. It almost made Y/n forget about her worries. 
Y/n rubbed Wanda’s arms hoping her thoughts wouldn’t sound too jumbled. “Choosing me then is different compared to choosing me tomorrow.” Y/n looked into Wanda’s eyes with all seriousness and declared, “If you choose to love me, you will love the very person this whole galaxy will be known to hate. The very sound of my name will not only bring assassins to kill me but armies to destroy me.” Y/n invaded Wanda’s space inch by inch. Tension building in their eyes and body. “If you choose me,” barely any space was between them now, “you will be with the person that will bring generations of families to death as the galaxy will go through its darkest times with me.” 
Evil lingered in Y/n’s eyes. The very eyes that Wanda had fallen for.
“If you choose me,” swallowing her pride, Y/n confessed, “they will hate you.” There was no going back, but Wanda was a smart girl. She knew the consequences of falling for an Aetos, yet there was always part of her that willingly went back each time. Like a drug, she couldn’t quit. 
What does it mean to fall in love with the person everyone hates? It meant seeing them for something else. A different side only special to you. It meant power beyond their control just to make sure you were safe. It meant that they would choose you versus the world every - single - time. 
“Do you choose me?” There was no pause, no hesitation when Wanda replied. Her heart and mind were already set ages ago. 
“...I do.”
<|>
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mamawasatesttube · 4 months
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ok i put a longer post abt tim's Emotional State in drafts for when my brain is less melted but re: tim and going to college im just gonna get a lil silly with it. hear me out.
i have this whole vague story in my mind for tim's college days moonlighting as red robin as he tries and figures out what he wants out of life. (it's a while after rr leaves off and all because he's like. Super Depressed for a hot minute and then has to drag himself through actually bothering to get his GED and applying to college, etc., but eventually lucius is like hey. you're great with gadgets, and you clearly love tinkering. i'd hire you for r&d in a heartbeat but you need at the least a bachelor's of engineering. i know you have a lot of the technical skills, but you need a degree. so tim goes ugh fine i'll get a goddamn engineering degree how hard can it possibly be.)
anyways. i think it's a universal experience that if you go to college and you hang with the STEM crowd, you will unfortunately get to know at least one Fucking Guy. it's like brentwood arc; tim does make friends, but there is just this One Fucking Guy he cannot stand and will never stand. this Fucking Guy is in the common room playing his guitar at midnight. he's drunk and yelling and laughing really loud when people have exams coming up. he's convinced everyone adores him. there's also a detective/supernatural plot going on. the subplot is just that tim hates This Fucking Guy.
at some point, there's a story beat where he as red robin has to rescue That Fucking Guy from a real dicey situation, and That Fucking Guy is really shaken and grateful to him, and he's like okay. maybe. maybe we are making progress. but then the next time he encounters This Fucking Guy as tim drake, the guy is just like. "ohhhh hey drake you missed it last night, it was AWESOME!!! i had to save red robin from a KILLER ROBOT. he's pretty cool though i guess. i bet you wish you could be more like him huh??" and tim is just. I Will Not Grind My Teeth About This. I Will Not. his life is a fucking joke. he dismantles the toaster oven in the common room kitchen to cope. it's definitely to cope and not just so that That Fucking Guy won't be able to heat up his pop tarts in the morning.
at another point, This Fucking Guy looks at street mode, lowkey, unremarkable Normal Car-looking redbird and goes, aw, dude, i thought your dad is loaded?? he only got you a generic-ass sedan?? that sucks lol, if you want we can take my car down to the game instead. and tim is just Say One More Fucking Word About My Baby I Dare You I Fucking Dare You One More Fucking Word.
(also i like to toy with the idea of this being a university in metropolis - he's out of gotham, but not too far. keeps him from getting antsy about what if he's needed because he can get right back over there. and in the meantime, he can hang out with kon and kara a lot, and occasionally enable and be enabled by lois lane and her snooping habits. there's another subplot in which tim and lois get up to shenanigans. at least once.)
it's sort of an introspective thing of him trying to come to terms with the way he no longer wants a fully normal life the way he always used to assume he would - he has the option to walk away from the cape now, like he always thought he would one day, but he just can't give it up anymore. he's fallen into the same black hole he watched dick and bruce dive headlong into. it's also about him finding joy in tinkering and working with his hands and getting to spend more time as tim drake first and foremost. and it's about him venting to kon about That Fucking Guy while they have a lil picnic on the green while kon loses his absolute shit laughing. all against the backdrop of a little mystery or something. <3
OH and also, most importantly. zoanne wilkins is there and laughing at him for assuming college would be easy. and kon gets her into wendy the werewolf stalker. My City Now.
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solarpunkani · 10 months
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hi would like to make this clear that this is gonna be an unhinged rant about my college classes.
For context, one of my classes is a semester-long group project (hell) and I pitched the idea of solar powered community fridges to my group and we rolled with it. Here's a post i made on it previously. We don't have to make the fridges themselves, basically just talk about the problem our concept addresses (food insecurity in this case) and how we think this concept would work and how, in a hypothetical reality where we made it real, we would test to see if it worked.
Anyways we had to post the rough draft of our presentations so people in other groups could see what we were doing and comment on them with their thoughts and all. Yknow. Classic 'college class discussion board have to reply to at least one project with quality feedback' stuff. And
Man.
I am so frustrated.
Highlights:
My group keeps insisting that we should have an app for the solar fridges. I don't know why they think app design needs to fit into community fridges but they put it into the draft posted to the forum.
In this case they proposed the app would be kinda like Instacart? Where people who want to donate to the fridges but don't have groceries on them and don't feel like going to get groceries can put in money and then people will then go buy the groceries to put in the fridge. Or use the funds to help with fridge maintenance. And the fridges would have 'QR codes, links, etc. to connect community members for the common cause of helping tackle food insecurity in the community.'
Lots of the comments were pretty good! People liked the idea. There were some concerns about insulation and keeping things cool with low energy cost (the program is online but the college itself is in Georgia USA so many people are in Georgia) but yknow.
But the frustrating part to me I guess is that a lot of people seem convinced that people would use the fridges 'unfairly' and that we'd need to find a way to restrict how much food people can take out or how many times they can use it or something. Which frankly in my opinion defeats the purpose of it being a community fridge. Here are some examples of things people have said so far (comments are due tomorrow evening but I'm mad now so I'm venting now):
One student said "How will you know if the pantry is being utilized fairly?" and "How will the app work? In a dream world, this might be a way to help with tracking and accountability. (Just a thought…) Maybe folks would need to sign up on the app, they get a code… and the fridge acts as a sort of vending machine to deliver what they need. This would give you data to measure success. :)"
Which. I just. This feels completely antithetical to the purpose of a community fridge??? Or a community anything???? Little free pantries and little free libraries don't operate on a 'you get a code to access it once' vending machine basis?? We even mentioned community farm stalls/community pantries in the draft write up! And showed examples!
Another student said "Great thoughts. I am concerned about one person taking all the food for themselves. It might be a great idea to have them in an enclosed area with access control through the app that would log and lock out people who are overusing the resource. Perhaps a barcode could be added to Apple Wallet to track each individual's arrival? Possibly having a mechanized lock and opening mechanism that would only allow each fridge to be open for a specific time before automatically closing and locking? Each scan would only allow access once each 24-48 hour period, preventing "password sharing.""
I cannot emphasize enough that this is the comment that has brought me here today because with all due respect what the flying fuck do you think is the point of a community fridge! I'm already prickly about the idea of limiting access to the fridge itself to only people with cellphones, but to this degree?! Like maybe its because I'm the one who came up with the concept and I care about terms like 'mutual aid' and 'community building' and 'judgement free accessibility to food' but have these people not heard of the concept of helping people?!?! With no strings attached?!? If someone takes all the contents of a community fridge or pantry--which, seriously, how likely is that--they're probably hungry and need it! The concept of putting community resources behind a lock and limiting accessibility is just repulsive to me???
Like someone else commented with this excellent point--"As several have addressed above, I am also wondering how would you monitor use? If you use the simplicity of the honor system, it could easily be taken advantage of. However, I feel like if you were to create some sort of access code, how is it to say that they people needing the use of the fridge will have access to the necessary technology to get the code? It's a tricky situation to think about." For the purposes of this hypothetical assignment where we'd need to track how many people are using the fridges? Yeah I guess we'd need to be able to track how many people use it and when. But in reality??? In real life reality where people are living and struggling and hungry??? I just don't really give a shit!! Helping five people is better than helping none, and locking access behind technology everyone pretends is universal but really isn't is not the way to help!
And of course one of my groupmates is already commenting on all these posts like 'oh! I really like the idea of restricting access to a code! :)' even when someone said 'hey my family struggled with food insecurity when I was a kid and I think this would be helpful but not if you could only access it with an app some of the most vulnerable citizens wouldn't be able to access it I wouldn't have been able to access it' my groupmate was still like 'oh but that wouldn't be a problem today now would it? :) Maybe we should make a way to get a code without downloading the app :)' like maybe there shouldn't be an access code in the first place?!?!
Like am I crazy or like. What the fuck. Again I am here so I don't blow up on a bunch of masters students in a discussion post but like UGH
"you gotta be able to gague if the people who're using it are the people who actually need it" food insecurity can look so many different ways for so many different reasons and you can't always judge by appearances and income levels who is struggling to feed themselves or their families!! There are people who have nice jobs who are struggling because they're caring for sick family members or kids or dealing with student loans or ANYTHING! There are people with nice clothes who are trying to decide between buying groceries and paying rent! There are people living in their cars or couch surfing looking for jobs who also happen to own an XBox or a Laptop!!! "Sorry you can't access the community fridge because you don't look poor and needy enough to me. but if you do, good news--you can only use it once every 48 hours so make it last!" Bullshit utter bullshit.
I talk to people in my life about things like community fridges and little free pantries and mutual aid and the like and people are always like 'ok but theres gotta be strings attatched' BUT ACTUALLY NO THERE DON'T GOTTA!!! Maybe we could change how we view our fellow human beings and stop assuming that everyone around you are greedy little demons looking to ruin everything good and that you are the only holy and righteous saint on the streets who understands the concept of 'community resources' and 'sharing' maybe??? It's like that post about community fruit trees where people are like 'oh but what if people steal all the fruit' like HELLO? how do you STEAL a PUBLICALLY ACCESSIBLE RESOURCE
I'm tired of this goddamn class I'm tired of this goddamn group project if anyone actually has the ability to make a solar powered community fridge you have to promise to keep it accessible and not put it behind locks and QR codes and limited access and facial tracking BS promise me promise me promise me
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ay0nha · 1 year
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Lament of My Heart | Joel Miller
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SUMMARY: “Tommy…”  Joel let out a breath of frustrated laughter. He disappointingly shook his head, leaning over you, “That boy doesn’t know what he’s lost.”
Set pre-episode four & post-episode five w/ moments of pre-outbreak
PAIRING: Joel Miller x femme!reader
WORD COUNT: 5.1K
WARNINGS: SMUT (hand job), mentions of blood, mutual pining/slow burnish, skinny dipping (of sorts), canon-typical things, mentions of Tommy x reader, etc.
A/N: Need to post this before it sits in the drafts to collect dust. Joel is just on my mind all the time, so this is the product of that. Thank you as always @from-the-clouds​ for listening to my blabbering and entertaining all my ideas! Much love.
“No more questions, Ellie,” You reprimanded her lightly, trying to cover the warmth she was discovering you felt. “Get some rest.”
Ellie was a hard-headed person with the responsibility of society on her shoulders. She carried the weight well, but she was still human, still young. But her questions revealed her growing creativity and sharp wit.
“Not tired.” She hated Joel’s coffee, but the stolen sips still coursed through her veins. You knew it was partly due to the anxiety ahead of them. They all felt it, that tense air of the unknown. “You two don’t seem to get along, though.”
Your eyes flashed to the rear view mirror on instinct. Settled on the truck’s dirty cushions and the supplies being used as a pillow, Joel was asleep. But you weren’t sure how long it would last.
“Ellie-
“It wasn’t a question!” She defended quickly, toying with the edge of her sleeve. She’d been dying to know just exactly why you got under Joel’s skin the way you did. “Tell me about Tommy, at least.”
“Ask Joel.” Your eyes were everywhere. You checked the mirror as if there was traffic, but it was the only thing that kept you occupied. She was making you squirm.
“C’mon, you know he won’t-” Ellie’s own frustrations were building up. In her shoes, you’d be just as curious. “Please.”
Through a thoughtful sigh, you resigned, “Before-We just- We’ve known each other for a long time.” You’d been intertwined with the Miller brothers since before everything. You rarely said it aloud, and now, you struggled to put all the history into something coherent. “I met Tommy when he returned from deployment-
“In Texas?” Ellie hung onto every word, mind spinning tales faster than you could keep up with. “Were you in the military too?”
“I said no questions.”
The comment made her smile. Ellie always appreciated a good game. Loopholes were her specialty.
“Fine, then.” She settled in the passenger seat, knees to her chest as she faced you, “You were discharged with Tommy with more medals than you could count!” Her posture then changed with inventive excitement, “Or maybe a bad-ass sniper with too many confirmed kills to count.” You wished your life was as exciting as she made it sound. “You’re going to have to stop me before I start thinking you led an elite hit squad.”
“Close.” You quipped, “I worked on the military base in town.” It was the first job that hired you and offered some stability for someone your age. “I’d help get soldiers back on their feet once they returned…”
“Then you became friends with Tommy,” Ellie encouraged you to continue. She couldn’t stand the lulls.
Too many years passed for you to remember clearly how you became close to Tommy, but at the time, he considered you his soulmate. Not that either of you really knew what that meant.
“Then I became friends with Tommy.” You nodded. You kept your eyes steady ahead, adding, “Joel, too.” Glancing at Ellie, you finished,  “Then we all just…stuck together.”
Separation wasn’t ever questioned, even on the eve of all the destruction. That memory was vivid; the way your bloodied body held onto Joel, dragging him away from it all, Tommy trailing behind, surveilling every move. It was how you moved together for years, protecting each other as much as possible.  
“He doesn’t talk about it; before,” Ellie commented lowly. You knew she wished for more from Joel. But she couldn’t see what you saw in the way he softened for her.
“That hasn’t changed with time.” Your words felt too bitter. This time you indulged in a glance at Joel. Still settled. “I’m surprised he’s even talking to me now.”
You always described the Miller brothers as a whirlwind. They may not have necessarily meant it, but they had a knack for sweeping you up and consuming you. When Joel came to you with Ellie, there was no question of whether you would help or not, just when and where you were needed.
He’d never leave without you.
“Tell me something about them...” Ellie pleaded. She was a clever girl who picked up on the weight of his misery. But it wasn’t yours to share. “Before they…before this.”
Your shoulders relaxed while your hands moved to the bottom of the steering wheel as you allowed yourself to filter through only the fond memories.
“Alright, well…” You hesitated with your words. Only because you knew, Joel would tell the story differently. “He and Tommy were wasted…I mean…Absolutely hammered that night.”
Your words had their desired effect, and Ellie’s giggles encouraged you to continue. But it felt strange to make Joel’s drinking habits sound so lighthearted when you know how the habit haunted him now.
“Tommy called me.” The phone in Joel’s kitchen woke you up that night well past the witching hour. “The brothers always got into all kinds of mischief, usually Tommy's fault.” You were typically by his side, provoking him. “Always Tommy’s fault.”
“He sounds fun.” Ellie joined in. You knew in another world, the two would get up to all kinds of mischief if they had the chance.
“He can be, when he wants.” You glanced at the map on your lap. With the sun getting low, it meant you needed to find a safe place to stop soon. “That night, though, the two of them had the bright idea to pretend to be bouncers, only to get into a fight with the actual ones.”
“I knew Joel wasn’t a total hard-ass.”
As you continued to retell the story, you hadn’t realized how much nostalgia you carried with you. Nor were you able to see how you talked so warmly of Joel. Ellie knew exactly what to say to get the information she wanted. But you waited a long time to reminisce freely.
“...When I finally got them home,” You blew a raspberry at the unforgettable effort it took. The stench of alcohol and smoke still made your nose scrunch. “Thank god Tommy had enough sense left to make it to the couch.”
Ellie loved how you teased Joel’s hiccuping that he blamed it on being over-served tequila. It was hard even to imagine he had any of that humor left in him. You embellished the story just enough to entertain yourself. But the story's core provided fertile ground for understanding that nothing you added was too far-fetched.
“They remembered nothing the next morning,” You said. “Tommy found all these numbers written on his arm, said he’d close his eyes and pick which to call.”
“....And Joel, he must have been so hungover…”
“You’d think…” You reflected flatly.  “He just got up and went to work.”
From your side, you knew Ellie could sense you holding back.  She’d gotten more than she asked for, so she left it. She could see how the echo of that night still felt fresh, doubting you provided her with the detailed ending you lived.
----
“You alright?” The question was slowly processed by Joel, who was trying to steady his breathing before the contents of his stomach came up.
“Yeah, yeah…” Joel held onto you every step, arm slung over your shoulders, making you sway with him with each step to his room.
He was mumbling while you settled him on the edge of his bed. You got every few words while focusing on preparing him for the next day. The brothers had work, and doing this would save you the headache of hearing their complaints.
“B-been thinkin’...” His Texan drawl was heightened as he slurred.
“That so?” You half-heartedly replied, rummaging through his medicine cabinet. You looked for something for the morning.
“Mhmm…”
You could hear him shuffling around in his room. Assuming he’d been pulling his boots off and discarding his jacket, you were surprised to find him leaning on the bathroom’s door frame.
“Then you’ve been hanging around Tommy too much.”
“Tommy…” Joel let out a breath of frustrated laughter. He disappointingly shook his head, leaning over you, “That boy doesn’t know what he’s lost.”
You still held love for Tommy, but you had mistaken it for something that it wasn’t. The two of you functioned better as friends; you were his confidant and partner in crime. Neither of you would change that for the world.
“And you do?”
Your relationship with Joel had a natural ebb and flow that could be but never got to the point of being volatile. But that didn't stop you from stepping on each other's toes, constantly being on the brink of an argument that neither of you knew the point of.
“Darlin’...” You melted his resolve, helping him the way you were. Joel’s eyes flickered down. Nothing about your outfit was seductive, but the way his eyes loitered told you maybe it had been. Covering his tracks seamlessly, Joel continued, “...The things you deserve.”
Your laugh bounced off the bathroom walls, resonating deep within Joel’s chest.
"What?" Joel asked lightly, his smile starting to mirror yours, but not understanding why, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
“Shit, Joel,” Your laughter lingered, “You must be really drunk.”
“C’mon now.” He tried to stop you. He wasn’t sure he could handle any level of ridicule from you.  
But you pushed passed him, drawing his sheets back for the night to be over, “Let’s just get you to bed.”
He stumbled to you willingly, but you could see his mind turning. There was something he wanted off his chest, but you knew you weren’t ready to hear it.
“Come on now, Miller,” You tried again. “We’ve both got work in the morning.”
“What is it you do again?” Joel’s words played with chords of tension. “Besides eat all my food and sleep on my couch.”
"Get by." You joked more for your sake than his.
Joel’s eyes shifted between your own, pupils entirely dilated.  Blaming it on the alcohol helped settle your stomach.
“I know y-you don’t stick around for my benefit.”
"God forbid we enjoy each other's company, Joel." Your eyes burned into his. You enjoyed your ability to make him bashful in his stupor. Just a look, and he was crumbling.
You saw it coming. You could have stopped it, but it wasn’t even the length of a decent kiss. It was soft and fleeting because you pulled back to never speak of it again. You doubted Joel remembered, but you could never be sure what he’d admit to.
----
“Did you ever-
“Ellie…” You said her name slowly in warning.
She retracted fast, “Joel and you-
“No.”
Your answer came off harshly. You knew where she wanted to go; she’d circled the topic for hours.
“Can I ask one question?”
“That was a question.” You looked at her again pointedly, “Shoot.”
“Why’d you stay in Boston?”
Sitting with the statement, you focused on the road. Most around you was barren and destroyed but offered an unconventional peacefulness. Sometimes you imagined if you’d be better off in isolation than in a QZ. But you could never bring yourself to just disappear like that.
“As hard as you might try,” You started, pulling the car to the side, “You can’t be alone in this world. With a purpose or not, it just doesn’t work.”
The sudden sway of the car disturbed the sleeping figure in the back. Joel attempted to hide his jolt as he sat up but was already looking out the window for trouble.
“We stoppin’?” Joel’s voice filled the car while the engine cooled.
Joel looked to you for reassurance. Ellie pointed that out to you, the way he valued you despite his resentment.
“We’ve gotten far enough today.” You tossed the keys back to him. “We need food and rest.”
“Alright.”
Your exchanges were clipped.
Yet, you valued the journey with Ellie. Selfishly, the task provided a reason to see Joel again. It had become easier to spend time apart. It became a habit. But even with a quiet meal shared and conversations led by Ellie, it felt good to be with him again.
The pressure shifted. No longer were ration cards on your mind, nor were the curfews you struggled to follow. Something about the night felt freeing despite the heavy responsibility that it meant. Maybe it was the privilege of feeling safe with Joel since he created a protective bubble, sacrificing his rest for yours.
You heard Joel get up when he thought yours and Ellie’s breathing steadied. You were going to leave it, but sleep was hard to come by with your mind racing.
Joel saw your shadow first. But the hand that brushed between his shoulder blades still made him flinch. He spoke in hushed tones, looking to ensure that Ellie was still asleep, “I hope you didn’t come over here to tell me we’re safe.”
“Didn’t say that.”  You frowned. He knew you well; you wore your concerns on your face. You just wished he didn’t hold such defiance for them.  “But we’ll be alright for the night-
“Don’t.”
Joel wanted to be in control of everything down to the smallest detail.
You knew it was a way of coping, his way, but it never sat right with you. Especially now, as you watched Joel scrutinize the area you chose, you could feel the criticism he was holding back from the moment you parked the car.
Did you even survey the terrain?
Too much open space. No clear route out.
You know better than this.  
“We’re the perfect targets.”
“Joel-
“We know how this works,” He voiced over you. Even with you there, his surveillance didn’t change as he remained on a swivel.  “It was exactly what we did.”
Joel’s emotions were catching up, but he still held onto a forced restraint. He was expecting resistance, an argument from you. But you heard what he said, how Ellie needed to hear it, to believe him.
No one’s gonna find us.
It was a promise. Something Joel was determined to control.
The wind was picking up the later the night became, and any rustle was faced with a gun barrel.  It caused chills to litter your arms out of apprehension. You tried to comfort yourself with your arms tucked to your chest, but it only shifted Joel’s attention.
If you tried hard enough, you could guess what he would say to you. We need to stay sharp. You could feel Joel’s hesitation, though. It happened every time he pushed you away.
There was merit to your diversion, but Joel only allowed it for so long.
“Get some rest.” He nodded toward his forgotten sleeping bag, “No good if both of us are tired.”
----
The car was gone. The brief companions too. Your heart felt permanently caught in your throat. Adrenaline replaced everything. But it was wearing you thin.
“Where are you going?” Respite clung to Joel’s question as his eyes followed your figure up from his crouched position.
Like a cat, you stretched until something deep within your spine popped. You moved towards the shore of the small body of water you all settled by.
Time was at the forefront of Joel’s mind. Time was no longer on your side, meaning the sooner, the better pressured every minute. Daylight became the most valuable thing. And by the looks of it, you were on your way to wasting it.
“We smell, Joel.” You state as you discard the knife strapped around your waist. You were meant to be cleaning them in the water, preparing them for the next fight the way he had.
But your body was sore. You could imagine the pain Joel felt was much worse, physical or not. He put his body first rather than having you or Ellie be the brunt of it all.
Mornings were sacred to you. It was when the birds sang at dawn because the crisp, moist air carried their songs and their meanings farther through the same air that filled your lungs in fluid refreshment.
 You pulled your shirt over your head and looped your thumbs in the waistband of your pants as you wiggled them over your thighs and down your legs.
For the moment, Joel’s eyes lingered. He looked for bites. He knew he wouldn’t find anything, but he had to be sure. Instead, Joel found deep hues of bruises still healing from Kansas City.
Almost wholly above the horizon, the sun highlighted the mist rising off the body of water. It veiled your body the closer you were to where the water and the rocks met. Yet, Joel watched on until your arms maneuvered behind your back, searching for the clasp of your bra.
As if the sun was directly in his eyes, Joel looked up, avoiding seeing something that wasn’t meant for him. Except, it didn’t stop him from passing along a warning, “Don’t go out far.”
The dirt from the past days felt like a second layer of skin had embedded into your own, suffocating you. You finally waded into the freezing water to rid yourself of it.
But not before throwing a comment over your shoulder, “Join me, then.”
Your words were like an idle threat that was only met with silence. You knew he was contemplating the offer. Always thinking.
The water was cold, goosebumps littering your skin within minutes and creating peaks where Joel refused to look. He scolded himself for the way his cock twitched at just the idea.
You leaned back so you were nearly floating on your back. Above, a bird glided hypnotically in a wide circle.  It seemed you weren’t the only one seeking to rid yourself of a sense of weariness. The cool water swallowed you whole, caressing your skin and relaxing your muscles.
“Someone’s gotta stay with Ellie.” Joel voiced his decision. It was an excuse, what he was supposed to say.
There was no point in fighting it. Instead, you submerged yourself completely; the water consumed you. The longer you stayed under, the closer Joel edged to the water, ensuring you’d come up for a breath.
When you finally reemerged, you held a wicked grin.
“Don’t do that.” Joel frowned at your teasing. His eyes remained downcast, avoiding your eye. The rocks seemed more fascinating than how you became more siren-like by the minute.  “I’m gonna find Ellie.”
“She deserves some privacy.” Despite her continuous puns, you were receptive to the fact that she was still impacted.
You all were.
Hyper vigilance became the enemy that threatened to consume Joel whole. Sleep was no longer negotiable. Every movement dragged worry, invited agitation, and controlled his violence. Joel’s chest was tight, and breathing felt hard to come by. He was moments away from unraveling.
“...There won’t be another invitation, Joel.”
Joel’s loaded gaze burned right through you as he took off his clothes. While he was busy shrugging out of his shirt, you took the opportunity to tread out further. Your back was to him, but you heard the swishing of disturbed water.
You reveled in the way your skin burned for him. He’d seen you naked years ago. But not like this, never like this.
----
Joel’s eyes followed the curve of your body. Your chest swayed as you moved around freely. His pounding heart clocked how too much time had passed for him to sneak out. He was frozen.
“You’re not Tommy.” You let out a breath of relief despite your surprise.
The lace rode high on your hips, accentuating your natural curve. Your chest was perked at the sudden attention of being caught so bare.   Regardless of the incessant ringing in your ears, you stayed stone still, giving him a chance to say something.
Yet, he shook his head, backing out the door he’d come through, mumbling expected apologies.  Joel used the key under the fern and let himself in.
For days he’d been asking Tommy for his tools back. And now, they were forgotten with each hurried step.
You threw on the closest shirt, chasing after him. “Wait!”
“I didn’t mean to-
“Joel, let me explain-
“No, I shouldn’t have-I-I’ll just-”
You found a way to stand before him, blocking his escape route perfectly. “Let’s just slow down…” Your hands were up in defense, mirroring his own. “It’s not what you think.”
Of all people, you wanted Joel to hear you. But the silence was heavy and lacked a proper explanation. You could see the flush that took over his coloring. It was sweet in a way, but you were too mortified to know what to make of it. It wasn’t exactly taught how to handle these sorts of things in school, so you stalled.
“Can I make you some coffee?” An invitation to linger.
Joel looked at you and saw your bare feet moving toward him with hope. He hadn’t meant to, but his eyes scanned your bare legs; the picture of the intricate fabric underneath the oversized shirt made his skin prick. It took him a moment to realize the shirt was his, one Tommy most likely nicked under his nose.
Doubting you knew what that did to him, Joel shook his head, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“One cup.” You promised.
The air was tense when you made it to the kitchen. You insisted on a fresh pot, but the drops felt like they took ages to fill it enough for its purpose. The hem of the shirt skirted the boundary of indecency, but you thought nothing of it. Your focus was on the longing stare Joel was giving you.
“Tommy and I…” You started with a shaky breath. You were sure Joel knew all about the drifting relationship. “I thought maybe this would…” It felt strange explaining yourself the way you had. But you wanted it to be known that even to you, it felt out of character. “He doesn’t look at me the same anymore…”
Your words feigned a sense of yearning. But neither you nor Tommy could keep up the act. Your words seemed heavy, but it was so alleviating to say aloud. To be listened to.
But the smell of coffee pulled you back, reminding you to be a good host. Filling the mugs just below the brim, you broke the small barrier of the kitchen island. You held the mug close to your chest, the warmth working as emotional support while Joel toyed with the ceramic handle.
You lifted the mug to your lips, blowing lightly over the piping-hot coffee, “...But neither do I.”
“I can talk to Tommy if you…” No matter how much it made Joel regret the offer, Joel said the right thing. He couldn’t meddle where he didn’t belong. “I’m sure he’d understand.”
You laughed into your mug. “I’d rather this stay our thing.”
“You say that like this is going to happen again.”
“Joel Miller.” You said his name after a pause. He looked like a child in trouble. “Are you flirting with me?”
“No, no, I-
“Joking.” You cut in just as awkwardly as he flushed.
You wanted the mood to lighten, needed it to.
But there was clumsiness in every movement, between your ongoing jitteriness and Joel’s restless fidgeting.  So, you moved to the window. On the sill held your half-empty carton of cigarettes, the ones you were trying hard not to touch these days.
With a soft glance back to Joel, you asked, “Mind if I?”
Joel could spot the influences of Tommy in you. Or maybe you had passed along your habits. Either way, it was your home of sorts. Who was he to tell you no?
You had such dexterity with the process. It was like a ritual how you rolled the cigarette over your lips before lighting it. Then after a deep exhale, you utilized the perpetually open window to tap the beginnings of ash.  
“I don’t mean to drag you into all of this…”  You trailed off through an exhale of smoke through your nose. Joel could see the appeal now. “I just don’t-…Tommy’s my friend, and if I…I don’t know what’ll happen if we’re not…”
The end of something always hurt everyone around you. You all were just playing your roles in delaying the inescapable. But the questions of the future haunted you. You weren’t sure if you were ready to let it all go.
“I’ll let you leave…” You toyed with the lit cigarette that was on its last limb as you spoke. Joel’s silence was becoming deafening. “Promise I won’t hold you up any longer.”
You were sure he had more pressing matters than to comfort you through an inevitable breakup.
“Tommy’ll get over it.” Joel sat back with more relaxation now that he spoke his mind. “It’s you I’m worried about.”
----
Joel kept his distance deliberately. He made the venture into the water seem like another task. In and out.
“I don’t bite, you know.”
He knew you wouldn’t be able to stay quiet for too long. He knew what it meant to join you, but he made an effort to seem detached.
“Just giving you some privacy.” Joel echoed your words.
“Right.”  Your frustration was clear. You carried it with you for the handful of days that passed. Your frustrations didn’t lie with him like Joel chose to believe.
Instead, guilt filled Joel’s chest. It had been gnawing at him since he left Boston. He should have left you there if he were as reliable as everyone claimed he was. You’d be without bruises. You’d be without his burden. Leaving without you meant there would be no return.
But you knew Joel. You had to remind yourself.  You knew what he was thinking, what he wanted. That’s how you knew moving towards him would benefit the both of you.
You moved gradually, leading the interaction by brushing his hair behind his ears. The greys of his hair darkened with the water you carried on your fingertips.  He looked younger. He looked like your Joel.
You reached for him, pulling him through the cool water to you. Joel was stiff when your chest met his warmly. He thought of pulling away, but you felt so peaceful that it swallowed him. Your arms wrapped around him with comfort. Your body settled in front of his, gently pressing your hips against him, giving him only an ounce of pressure to entice him.
He noted every twitch. Shyness wasn’t questioned; that barrier was broken years ago. It enabled you to trace his face. Every detail was already committed to memory.
You imagined what he’d say to you all those years ago—anything to make a smile crack.
Careful, now.
All you’re gonna find is a whole lot of ugly.
The scar above his eyebrow marked when your feelings for Joel first latched on. You were blinded by anger then, but the blood scared you. He promised you it was a graze and that he still had his life. But that wasn’t enough proof for you.
When your thumb traced over the faint line, Joel finally found his voice again, “Your shooting’s still sloppy.”
The look Joel held was intimidating, scrutinizing, but you knew he was trying to be witty.  
“See now, when you say things like that…” You whispered softly due to the proximity, “I don’t regret shooting you.”
He hummed, appreciating your touch that ventured to his shoulders. You could feel under your hands the tension he held. You wanted nothing more than to provide relief.
“Joel.”
Just his name made your desire clear. He wanted to touch you all those years ago, but he’d never betray his brother like that. But now you invited him to you without any barriers. There was hesitancy in the hold Joel found on your hips. His mind wandered; wavered between the need and the want.
Starting at the swirl of hair on his chest, you followed the trail down until Joel’s breath hitched. Joel felt like he was about to lose it when your hand wrapped around him.
“This feel okay?” You moved your hand against him, slow and soft.
Water dripped from his nose to your shoulder as he nodded eagerly.  His groan rumbled deep in his chest, vibrating against your own. You tread in dangerous territory but recognized the privilege of his trust.
This was for Joel. You needed this just as much as he did. You didn’t worry if it functioned as a thank you for keeping you alive, an apology for the trouble you’d caused him, or a confession of your own.
It didn’t matter when you indulged in your own lust.
“Do you think of me when you’re on your own?” You asked, fingers wrapped around his shaft, squeezing him until you felt his pulse in your grip.
“Oh- Fuck-” He cut himself off before he let a pet name slip. Joel’s fingers dug into the soft flesh of your hips, imprinting his touch into your skin, burned to your very bone.
“Hmm?” You edged him further. Gently, you continued to pump him and move your thumb over his tip.
Joel’s ragged breath fell on your pulse point with each moan as you continued to pump him rhythmically. His hand came up to your throat in a tender hold. His lips hover over yours but refrained from connecting.
It would be too intimate if you had.
“Do you want me to?” The hold gave him dominance even as he shuddered under your touch. Always desiring control.
The water around you rippled with your continued movements. With his free hand, his thumb rubbed gently at the sensitive skin that was near the pebbles of your breast, but he made no effort to touch it just yet.  His words and touch were a deadly combination, the kind that made you ache.
“Would that be so bad?” You spoke on his lips, feeling the tickle of his mustache. The more you worked on his release the more you felt his warm pants turn into deep moans. “Come on now, Miller,” You coaxed softly, moving up and down his length with a lively pattern, teasingly and tauntingly. “Tell me.”
Joel’s words were caught in his throat as ecstasy flowed through his veins as the pleasure crashed. His hips jerked against you as his breathing became ragged and his moans became filthy.
He sighed with relief, abandoning himself. He groaned into you, nuzzling his nose in your neck as the aftershocks made him tremble. He could feel your hand threading in his hair, keeping him in your tight embrace.
“Yes.”
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copperbadge · 5 months
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What do you mean by digital cleaning?
It's something I've been working on more this year because I had a bit more travel than usual so couldn't do actual home cleaning, but I always take a couple of days in the Month Of Cleaning where I'm focused on my digital life. It's good to make your physical home a comfortable place for yourself, but it's also good to recognize that we have "digital" homes that need attention. And often this is at least less physically demanding, so it's good to keep it in your back pocket for days when you're mentally okay but physically too tired or sore to do more of that kind of work.
In the shortest possible terms, digital cleaning is just making sure that your phone, computer, socials, and other digital "presences" are organized in a way that you find helpful, and that you take a moment to either answer those messages you've been putting off or give yourself amnesty on doing so.
This tends to make a lot of people extremely anxious in a way ordinary physical space cleaning doesn't, so I'm going to put the rest of it behind a cut...
So when I say digital cleaning, I refer to stuff like going through my likes on Tumblr and clearing them out, going through my drafts and turning them into queued posts, answering my asks. I spend time in my email inboxes, either responding to messages or removing them. I am not an "inbox zero" kind of guy, but I like to keep the read-but-not-answered messages to a minimum, and towards the end of the year that usually means a clear-out and amnesty. I clean my Google Drive -- delete old files I uploaded for others, move documents I'm no longer using into an archive, move documents I want to work on into a central work folder. I go through my catch-all folder on my hard drive and organize it; I sort through the year's photos and organize those, partly to archive them and partly because I make a scrapbook from them each year. I don't usually have a ton of tabs open but often have more than I'd like, so I go through them all and either read, bookmark, or get rid of them.
I look in my phone's file tree to make sure I delete files I don't need (mostly menu downloads, Restaurants Stop Making Your Menus PDFs Challenge 2K24) and I sometimes go through each app on my phone, make sure I still use it, and make sure it's set how I want it. If this sounds like a nightmare, bear in mind that I very rarely put apps on my phone to start with -- I think my mother has more apps open at any given time than I have apps on my phone ever.
Everywhere I clean, I look for files named things like "notes" or "deal with" or "random" and move them all into one place so that whatever is in them, I can sort through it and make sure it goes somewhere permanent. Logins go in the login/password spreadsheet I keep, addresses go into my contacts, story notes go into a "fiction scraps" file, random thoughts either get moved into a journal file or put into drafts to become Tumblr posts, etc.
If this sounds like I might have some kind of compulsion disorder, I get that; when I explain my digital hygiene systems a lot of people look at me like I'm spouting a mad but harmless conspiracy theory. But it's something I used to have to do periodically even before I created National Clean Your Home Month, because otherwise I could never find anything, and everything was just...harder. As I once told a boss who admired my organizational skills, "It was this or endless chaos."
Putting addresses into my contacts list means I always know that the addresses I have for my friends are up to date. Putting logins into a spreadsheet means that five minutes spent now will not result in five weeks of procrastination later because I can't find the login and can't do anything else until I do that. Going through my email and archiving old conversations means not only can I find them easily when needed, I don't have to look at them the rest of the time. Sometimes I even go through my various wish lists and remove old/purchased items, or clear out all my "save for later" carts.
There's no doubt this is stressful, but like every part of NaClYoHo, it's broken down into smaller tasks; I don't have to look at my computer and organize everything on it all in one day. I can answer a few asks, then sort photos (something I find very soothing up until the moment I Don't), then read and delete some emails, then I'm done for the day. I can spread "answer or file all your work emails" out over a couple of days. I can maybe empty out my Likes but just turn the ones I actually want to reblog into drafts for now and deal with them later in the "drafts" phase of cleaning. And if I don't manage to empty out my inboxes, at least they're emptier than they were.
I'm struggling this morning with having put a bunch of physical cleaning on the to-do list but not feeling physically up for it, so I did what I felt capable of doing (measuring cabinets for new shelf liners mainly) and later today I might sit down and start building this year's photobook. Or not -- I have to code Radio Free Monday, sort out a prescription and possibly go pick it up, plus a very full day of work and a couple of afternoon appointments I can't shirk, so today may simply be a "get through the day" kind of day. That's okay too; some days the spirit is willing but the schedule is full.
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villxinmiixx · 11 months
Text
their darling with anger issues and an itching problem hcs
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characters; all for one, shigaraki tomura, gigantomachia, dabi
♡ extreme anger issued reader, the reader itches their body when they get mad
♡ genre; extreme fluff, comfort, sort of cringe, idk i was mad and needed comfort from my villains <;/3
♡ extra; ooc all for one?
♡ note; i got angry from something and now im writing about it, also sorry for not posting fics!! ;( been really unmotivated and didn't know what to write even though i had a lot of drafts and asks with ideas already.
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﹫ ALL FOR ONE; he thinks it's adorable when you get pissed off, and admirable when he sees you letting out your anger on a poor not-so innocent soul. he supports the whole idea of you killing someone (that's actually guilty of something) when you're angry. but he quickly realizes you're similar to tomura when you start itching your neck, your wrists, your arms, your calves, your scalp, etc.
ㅤwhen you start doing that near him he'll come to you and put his large hand on top of your head, pulling you closer when he put his other hand on your waist, and tug you into his embrace. smelling your hair and telling you to breathe slowly.
ㅤhe found out you have this problem when you were itching like crazy over not being able to do your hair right.
ㅤ“sweetheart, are you alright? ” he came up to you with a concerned face ( or a molded face with slightly frowned lips ) while he took your wrist to stop you from itching the side of your face. “huh? oh yeah! im fine, don't worry about it hunny! something just bit the side of my face and it was itchy. hehe ” you made up an excuse.
ㅤhe could practically feel your heartbeat going faster due to the tension. you smile while you grew nervous. you don't wanna make him worry, he's already too busy trying to make plans to end hero society. you don't wanna be a burden to him.
ㅤall for one lifted you up from the chair you sat on and hoisted your butt using his arms while your own was wrapped around his neck, your chin laying on his shoulder.
ㅤ“i know something terrible happened in your past for you to have this issue but i assure you i'll be with you every step of the way, and i want you to be beside me when i put japan onto it's knees. ” he told you in his soothing deep voice, you started tearing up. you pushed your face onto your husband's shoulder, feeling actual care coming from him.
﹫ SHIGARAKI TOMURA; whenever you get frustrated over the smallest things he'd look at you dumb founded before telling you to calm down while he wrapped an arm around your back and rubbing your forearm... as you itched away the skin on your wrists.. ( without him knowing )
ㅤhe only realized that you had an itching problem after dabi pointed out that you have one. “yo, shig. didn't know your bitch has an itching problem like you back then. ” “the fuck are you talking about, dabi. ” “yo ass don't know? she itches her skin each time she gets mad. ” your boyfriend stared at the black haired lieutenant. the fucking hell is this burnt fuck talkin' about?
ㅤhe didn't exactly know what to do; should he trust dabi and talk to you about it or just play it off as some weird joke. again, he didn't know what to do or should do. so he just checked up on you at random, ( surprisingly ) most of the times you weren't angry when he did. so of course he decided to just play it off as a weird joke dabi said.
ㅤbut one day he catched you itching your arm furiously as you screamed at an PLF worker for making an idiotic decision, he screamed at your name and you stopped itching and yelling at the unfortunate worker.
ㅤyou turned back to your normal nature clasping your hands and saying “yes, dear? ” flowers decorating your aura. “follow me. ” he said you gladly followed after shooting a quick glare at the person you were yelling at awhile ago.
ㅤwhen you and tomura were in a more private area you asked him if he needed you to help him with something.. or something - but he shook his head and placed his hands on your shoulder blades. “whenever you get pissed and start itching yell out my name, i'll be here to calm you down. ” “wh- what are you talking about? ” you start laughing off what your dearly beloved boyfriend told you, a sweat dropping from your face.
ㅤ“[your/name], you know what i'm talking about. ” his grip on your shoulders tightened. “hey you don't need to worry i'm fine! i don't have an itching problem! ” you smile warm heartedly. he took your arm and showed the red scratch marks on it. “eh- i swear it only happens sometimes, it's oka- ” before you can countinue your sentence he pulled you into a hug. mumbling comforting words in your ear, telling you it's okay. everything will be okay.
﹫ GIGANTOMACHIA; he didn't notice that quickly since of course, he's large and your height is not that able to compare to his. he found out when you were itching both your arms so strongly to the point you started bleeding, the smell of metallic and the sound of itching made him wonder. he looked around but there was no one there, it was just you and him. he examined you more and realized you're the reason why there's a metallic scent in the air and the sound of itching.
ㅤ“master... what are you doing? ” he asked, you stopped itching. “ah, machia i thought you were still sleeping. ” you smiled up at him rubbing your arms and pulling down the sleeves of your clothing. “master.. ” he frowned, while your sweat dropped. he lifted you up using a finger and laid you on the palm of his large hand.
ㅤ“master, you may always tell me if you have a problem you and master all for one know more than anyone i can defeat your enemies if any of you told me to. ” even when gigantomachia had a terrifying appearance, he's a sweetheart at times.
ㅤyou held his chin with your small hands are kissed his nose “thank you, machia. but i'm alright, really. it's just a small habit, it won't affect me that much. ” you smiled at him, a blush formed on your cheeks knowing he cared about you and would rather die than live alone if you or all for one left him, all alone.
﹫ DABI; “compress stop protesting, my bitch managed to hit more idiots than you. ” your boyfriend smugly smirked at his co-worker, while compress stared at him and sighed.
ㅤyou started itching your knees and legs out of frustration from not being able to full combo a song in pjsk ( project sekai ) a few minutes later you started itching your neck and the side of your face.
ㅤdabi started getting concerned, so he stood up from the comfortable sofa and went towards you. your boyfriend's arms snaked around your waist, placing his hand on your hip before he lead you to his room. dabi entered the room, his hand still on your hip while he turned the dim light on.
ㅤ“you okay, baby?” dabi asked, settling you down on his messy bed. your boyfriend's hands on the sides of your arms awaiting your answer. “i'm fine i just got a bit frustrated is all!” you replied, a sweat dropping down your face. dabi's lazy eyes stare at your face then slowly descended to your neck, he leaned into you and started kissing your neck and collarbone. a small blush appeared on your features, your face still frowning.
ㅤwhen dabi was finished kissing your neck, he pecked on your lips. “let's go to sleep early. how's that sound, doll?” he asked. “okay.. ” you said before dabi fixed your position on his bed. discarding his jacket, shirt and pants leaving him in his boxers. dabi placed himself beside you. you automatically wrap one of your legs on his waist and bundled up on his chest. your head laid on his masculine arm while his hand entangled itself in your hair, he put his free hand on your lower back moving it up and down.
ㅤnight's like these weren't that rare, but it didn't happen all the time either. so you enjoyed every second of it, and so did your lover. he cares, it's obvious. when later that night while you were asleep he put ointment on the places you've been scratching.
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Maybe some nsfw hc with angel or aki form chainsaw man? I haven’t seen you write anything for them so idk if you do write for aki and angel. Top Male reader pls.
-🧀anon
Sorry this took so long to get around to besides me just being lazy as shit it also takes me like three days to make a post after I'm done doing drafts, re-reading, finalising, etc. but whatevs enough excuses! I hope you still enjoy! 💙💙
Angel and Aki NSFW Headcannons
Contains: manhandling/borderline dub-con, belly bulging, mention of mirror sex, exhibitionism/chance of getting caught, Aki being touch starved?
° I wish I could have more nsfw headcannons for these pretty boys but I can't help but see them as vanilla as fuck, but they've still got some things that they like to do and that turn them on
° Angel likes it if his partner is bigger than him (which luckily for him is most people)
° This leads to Angel really being into being manhandled, like full on pick him up and throw him on the bed
° Angel is really into you forcing him to do things in whichever way you see fit, whether it be forcing his head up and down on your cock grabbing onto his hair while you do so, or using him as a glorified fleshlight by just holding onto his waist and forcing his body to move in any way you want on your dick
° Pretty much anything else you could think of that forces Angel to pleasure you in some way where you have all the control and there's nothing he can do about it he's probably down for it
° Angel especially loves positions where you have to pick him up and hold him in place, lifting his legs up wrapping them around your waist and fucking him like that? mmm✨delicious✨
° You can definitely expect some belly bulging with this one (maaaybe Angel wouldn't mind if you spread him out in front of a mirror so he could see the bulge you were making in his stomach too...just a thought 👀)
° Angel likes to be tied up
° I don't know why, I guess I just like the thought of Angel being tied up, whenever I think of him in shibari he's just so cute~
° Angel doesn't mind loves getting called pretty boy AND pretty girl
° I like to think that Angel, as a devil, doesn't care too much about gender or presenting as one particular gender so using either or works for him, so please don't hesitate to call him a good girl as you fuck him against the wall
° In between Angel's moans you can hear him cursing in a foreign language, probably latin
° I know I said Angel is pretty vanilla but just because of his nature as a demon I could imagine he's seen and/or is into some pretty freaky stuff that he'll want to divulge in with you in from time to time, but he doesn't want it to become a staple, Angel believes that sex should be quick and easy why complicate it with all the extra kinky stuff?
° Speaking of quick and easy I believe with my whole chest that Aki is into quickies
° Honestly just the thought of you pulling him into some unused office at work bending him over the table and taking him right there and then turns him on enough, imagine if you actually did it? He'd be over the moon
° Aki won't tell you this but he does get off on almost getting caught or being right out of sight or ear shot of someone seeing or hearing you both
° Aki's moans are pretty damn loud and noticeable he tries to hold them back but he's terrible at it, if you two did decide to do it in public somewhere it would be very ovbious what you were doing even if it was behind closed doors
° Two words (well maybe three): Househusband Aki. Need I say more
° Aki really enjoys foreplay, he likes having and knowing that all your attention is on him even if that sounds a little selfish to him
° Having your hands all over his body as you prep him, fingering him, playing with his nipples, kissing him, it doesn't matter
° Pretty much any sort of touch between the two of you is nice for Aki it's reassuring and comforting to him, he's a bit of a softie in the bedroom because of this, he doesn't like to be all rough and forced like Angel
° Aftercare with Aki is spectacular, you already know he's super sweet about it
° He gets both of you all cleaned up afterwards, taking a shower telling you how good you made him feel, rubbing, massaging, cuddling, you name it your doing it!
° Aki for sure enjoys cuddling the most though, being able to run his hands on your body
° Aki also most definitely expects you to do the same, he wants your hands on him as much as possible, running them up and down his sides, putting your fingers in his hair, etc.
° And this doesn't just apply to aftercare but during sex too, wrapping one of your arms around his waist while you thrust into him, letting Aki hold onto your biceps or even putting his arms around your neck, it doesn't matter as long as Aki gets to touch you
° Both of them aren't very good with dirty talk, Aki isn't good at hearing dirty talk and Angel isn't good at speaking dirty
° When Angel tries to dirty talk it usually comes in the form of him trying to decribe all the dirty stuff he wants you to do to him, but it normally comes out like a confused mess, he'll hesitate once with what to say next and then it goes off the rails from there
° Ironically in the spur of the moment when Angel is half out of his mind from overstimulation he might actually say something really sexy that turns you on, he doesn't even know he's doing it, it will just start to happen naturally, guess he needed your help :)
° Aki on the other hand just gets easily flustered so hearing dirty talk will make him turn bright red almoat instantly, it would be a really nice way to tease him
° Aki's way of blushing is also super adorable, it's one of those blushes that reaches all over there face and down their neck, you can even see him get red on other parts of his body like his shoulders, chest, knuckles, all in all Aki just lights up if you can find a way to fluster him (which shouldn't be too hard)
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onlyseokmins · 1 year
Text
hoshi being a lil shit • k.s.y.
Pairing: kwon soonyoung x fem!reader
Genres: smut (minors dni!), established relationship
Warnings: swearing, literally hoshi being a lil shit but reader snaps back, biting, oral/fingering (f. receiving), use of babygirl/woman/wife/etc, mentions of a daughter and slight mention of breeding/impregnation/birth but nothing major, I'm tired lmk if i missed anything
WC: ~3.2k
A/N: this was a request but it got kinda long so i just decided to keep it as a separate post (thanks to nova for agreeing i should just keep the title of my draft it really is true sjdkfj.
Soonyoung's standing over the sink, casually minding his own damn business as he goes about doing his nighttime routine. He'd just turned on the faucet when a noise from the bedroom causes his ears to perk up. 
The loudest moan he's ever heard you make.
He freezes in place, elbows bent and arms tensed as he stares with disbelief at his reflection in the mirror. Soap-suds drip down and start burning his eyeballs, snapping the flummoxed man out of his trance. Rapidly splashing water over his face, he's mildly relieved not to hear the sound again and thinks he's imagined it all.
Until another blissful gasp of yours cuts through the sounds of him brushing his teeth. Spitting harshly in the sink, he shoves the toothbrush back into his mouth and stalks into the bedroom to see you curled up in bed.
"What are you doing?"
Your eyes slowly open, squinting at the sudden brightness of the vanity lights shining into the bedroom. "'m trying' to sleep. Why, do you need something?"
"I need you to be quiet." 
"You're being the loud one between us."
Soonyoung's grumbling noises only contribute more to his unnecessary noisiness. You scoff and roll over, only for another delighted groan to escape that halts your husband in his tracks.
"What in the world are you doing?"
The sigh of exasperation you exhale at his repeated question definitely isn't as pretty as the previous ones. "What are you doing? Just get your ass in bed so we can sleep, babe."
He huffs. Stomping back to the bathroom to shut off the light and very aggressively shakes out his toothbrush with obnoxious taps against the side of the sink. When he returns, you expect him to slide into bed next to you as usual but instead, you feel a fierce stare boring holes into your back.
You roll over and try to meet his gaze in the dark. "What?"
"You've never moaned like that for me."
Silence. 
"That's why you're throwing a tantrum like a child?"
"My pride is ruined! And I am not throwing a — "
"Your pride is fine, babe, you'll feel better after you get some rest."
"No, don't 'babe' me, we need to sort out this very serious issue. You can't expect to coerce your husband into sleeping while you get off without him."
"Soonyoung, my god. How did you even reach that conclusion? I'm just laying here trying to sleep!"
"You're not… masturbating?"
"No? Why would I be?"
"Well, that's good but why're you making those noises then?"
Sleep seems impossible at this point. You sit up with a huff, barely making out Soonyoung's shirtless figure with the sliver of moonlight peeking through the shades. 
"Did it ever occur to you that our bed is so comfortable that I love getting all cozy under the covers at night?"
"Our bed?"
"Yeah, especially when you're not in it first."
"… Especially when I'm not in it?"
You make grabby hands in his direction. "Yeah 'cause it's nice and cold so get your annoying yet somehow cute butt in here finally, please."
It's a relief that he forlornly acquiesces and goes to his side of the bed. You flop back down happily and wiggle in place after pulling the covers up, enjoying the silence, and close your eyes to —
"I can't believe it. Getting into bed gives you more pleasure than me?"
"For fucks sake, Soonyoung!"
"You have to understand where I'm coming from. I mean, c'mon! I could hear you over the water running and I swear on my tiger plush collection that you have never been that loud for me. Ever."
Certain he's wearing a scowl on his handsome face, you turn and place a hand soothingly on his cheek. "There's a difference between sexual and simple pleasures. And you know that we need to keep it down out of politeness for our neighbors with how thin the walls are."
"Do we?" Your husband ignores the warning tone of his name, quickly shifting so he can hold himself above you, placing a knee on either side of your lower body and caging you within his arms. "Or am I not doing a decent job of pleasuring my wife? Forgive me, love. I suppose my stroke game has been too weak for you."
"It's not that you goofball!"
"Let me make it up to you?" he questions and waits for your response.
"I mean there's nothing to really make up for but if it'll make you feel better, then by all means go ahead." You weakly gesture toward the lamp on your nightstand. "Lights?"
"Oh, darling," Soonyoung's head lowers so he can whisper directly in your ear, the feeling of his hot breath on your neck causes tingling to shoot straight down to your core. It doesn't help that his hips press down to grind just a little so you can feel how worked up he already is from your unintentional, lovely little noises earlier. "I already know very well how gorgeous you look, but tonight I want to hear how pretty you sound."
You gasp — slightly scandalized yet somehow flattered — and he's pleased enough to start kissing below your ear, fingers playing with the bottom of the thin cotton shirt you wear to sleep. He pushes it up so he can slip a thumb underneath the waistband of your panties and trace circles across your hip. The soothing, familiar feeling makes you let out a content sight until he pulls away.
It's a little strange for your husband to be shielded from your view by the cover of night's darkness during sex. But Soonyoung doesn't need to see to know your body. He has it memorized by heart. Ingrained in his soul. You whine at his sudden distance though, reaching out for him and he chuckles.
"Let's make one thing straight though, love."
"Okay?"
"I'm not doing this to make myself feel better, I'm doing this to prove you wrong."
"That doesn't make any sense, prove what — "
He cuts you off, diving back down to wrap his mouth over your left-clothed breast. The unattended one is granted the warmth of his hand as he cups it lightly and squeezes. Meanwhile, his tongue is at work, easily dampening the shirt's material as he circles it around your nipple. Encouraging the nub to stiffen takes not even a second and when he's satisfied by the way it pokes up, he bites down. Hard.
You squeal and then slap a hand over your mouth to muffle it. "Soonyoung!"
He smirks, knowing you're glaring at him accusingly. He wishes he could see it and the wet spot on your chest but what he wants, in the end, will be all the more rewarding.
"Here's the deal. Every time you try to stay quiet, we'll stop and chat a bit, okay?" 
"You're kidding me."
"Don't make me tie up your hands, babygirl. You know how I like them all over me, just keep them like that and we'll have zero issues." You sigh at his statement and do as he says, lightly running your nails along his muscular back. He shivers. "Oh yeah, just like that."
He lets you push his head back down to your chest and resumes suckling on your tits, opting to lather the other one with his tongue and pinch and pull at your tender, bitten nipple. You're already starting to write underneath him and he's only just begun. 
"Patience, lovely."
"You're the one that wants to prove a point. I'm just going with the motions and waiting for you to fuck me silly then."
"Mouthy aren't we?" he mumbles against your breast.
"Isn't that what you want?"
"As nice as it is to hear your words, I think your moans would be a lot better."
"Then get to it?"
Making you beg would be pointless. Soonyoung's already whipped hard enough to give you whatever you desire and who is he to deny your request? He abandons your chest, taking the covers with him as he maps a kiss-filled path along your body. Down he goes, sliding until he's lying flat on his chest, close enough to feel the heat on his face that radiates from the center of your spread legs.
"Wait," you gasp out, startled because your panties are still on, "let me help — "
He silences you, pressing a kiss against your thigh before nuzzling at your clothed pussy. Tongue poking out to teasingly run up and down your covered slit, your arousal and his saliva mixing together and rendering the fabric wet enough that the feeling is electrifying.
Your hips jerk up to follow his lips as they move away but a hand gently rests on your abdomen to keep you still. He places another kiss above your clit and just when you're about to grab his hair so he can stay where he is, his teeth graze your hip bone.
Intentionally, you whine loudly to try and encourage his return back to your throbbing pussy. Unable to anticipate his motions in the dark, you're unsure what he's even doing almost until it's too late. With some incredible level of skill, Soonyoung pulls down your panties with his mouth alone. You swear you can almost see his eyes glint in the darkness like a predator stares down its prey. Although it's only an illusion — you know he would never harm you and the thrill of guessing what his next move will be makes your spine tingle.
An appreciative grunt when the center of your panties is the last to part from your body, seeming to stick around your cunt from his ministrations. You obligingly lift one ankle at a time when you feel him tug them down far enough, mouth agape. 
"Fuck, that shouldn't be as hot as it was…"
He's pleased by your breathless whisper of awe, chest swelling in pride as he gloats. "Yeah, baby? You liked that?"
"Shaddup, you're annoying."
A light chuckle rumbles in his chest as he sits back on the back of his heels. "And we both know that means you're enjoying this. You can't fool me anymore."
"Fooled you earlier."
"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm a smarter man now."
"Is that so?" Soonyoung hums in response to your question, quiet shuffling as he repositions himself to your side. Your nimble fingers reach out to find the smooth skin of his stomach only to snort when he coyly flexes his abs. Lifting your leg, you hook it around his hip with the intention of pulling him closer. "You sure about that?" 
But he whispers hotly once more in your ear "I am" before grabbing your thigh to halt your motions. Warm fingertips graze the skin underneath your knee, traveling up… up… and up until they brush against the outer lips of your pussy the same time he starts pressing kisses onto your neck.
His lips trail down your upper body in the same direction his fingers dive into your cunt. Kissing the valley between your breasts, he slides into your warmth and purposefully avoids the spot that usually has you seeing stars. Your husband takes his time exploring, stroking your walls and gathering up your wetness so it coats his palm and starts to drip onto the bedspread. He nuzzles your stomach lovingly, placing a smooch on your belly button and you can feel his smile at your airy giggle.
"It's unfair that every sound you let out is just as pretty as you are."
"What if I burped?"
"Then I'd think you were the sexiest woman ever." Soonyoung's a kisser — placing another one on your clit that makes your hips buck up. But you scowl at him despite it. Because he's also an ass-kisser sometimes.
"I thought it was Cheol's fault that Jangmi has no table manners but looks like her daddy's guilty actually."
Your daughter was at Jihoon's place for a sleepover with her best friend — another reason why the two of you kept it down normally but could possibly be loud tonight. Keyword: possibly. If the two of you could shut the fuck up for a second.
You can feel the way your husband's mouth curves down as he pouts against your inner thigh. "And her mommy's mentioning another man in bed even if daddy is right here."
"Honest to god, Soonyoung," your fingers grab at the strands of his hair, "you're the clown I married, am raising a child with. Who cares who I mention in passing when you're not doing anything?"
His response is muffled completely by you dragging his mouth right onto your core, grinding right across his lips for good measure. He chuckles in defeat, letting you lead the show once you've interlocked your ankles behind his neck for support. 
He pulls away slightly, "I better be able to hear you loud and clear even with your thighs around my head, baby."
"Get to work then, handsome."
Soonyoung does his best to stay quiet in spite of how much he wants to moan in delight. Not only does he find it insanely hot when you lowkey use him to get off but he'll never tire of the way you taste on his tongue despite your protests. He stiffens the muscle and occasionally curls it upwards to flick at your clit or simply twists and turns around to tease your inner walls.
You, on the other hand, are just as loud as he wanted you to be. Even with your thighs trapping his head in place and tightly encasing his ears the closer you get to reaching your climax, he can clearly make out your pretty sounds. Mouth open without restraint, fingers making a mess out of his hair with how tightly you're gripping at it.
Just as that wave of pleasure washes over you, threatening its impending peak, Soonyoung manages to pull away. You're undeniably frustrated but let him be, assuming he needs a break to breathe. But he's still the same playful man he always is and suddenly he's disappeared.
"Soonyoung!"
"I'm here, baby… I'm still here," he reassures although truthfully aware that you might potentially slap him if he doesn't hurry. He stands up and slides down his sweatpants in relief, hustling back to the bed only to let out a rather unsavory, loud curse.
You sit up rapidly in concern at the way the bump caused the bedframe to shake upon impact. "Are you okay? Did you break your dick? Tell me you didn't, it's okay right?"
"Jesus, I'm fine — thanks for asking. My dick's perfectly fine too but my toe sure isn't."
With a sigh, you turn on the lamp on your nightstand. Trying not to giggle at your husband's sniffling, slightly comical with the way he's hunched over. 
"And this is why we keep the lights on." He scowls at your comment. "If you had just gotten into bed like a normal person from the start, your toe might still be attached to your foot."
"For someone who just had their orgasm denied, you're in an awfully chipper mood."
"What can I say, the love of my life is making a complete and utter fool of himself as usual as payback."
"And yet we're still married."
"And yet we are," you echo and take off your shirt, tossing it onto the floor. Leaning back and spreading your legs, one hand tweaks at your exposed nipple that's still sore from his love bite while the other trails along your lower abdomen. "As long as you finish the job you started… if you're up to it."
Brown eyes flash at the challenge you didn't really intend to spark. "Who says I'm not?" He recovers quickly, scrambling to get on top of you with a toothy grin as he braces himself with his arms caged around you once more. "You really doubt my performance game, huh?"
"I sincerely was worried that you broke your dick or maybe the pain killed the mood."
"Don't worry, love," Soonyoung gives his cock a few strokes before lining it up at your entrance, "we still need to give Jangmi the little brother she so kindly asked us for."
Your despondent sigh blends into a satisfied one when you feel his tip poke and part your pussy lips, easing himself inside where it feels like home. You willingly give him the long-drawn-out moan he's enthused to hear while he works on bottoming out. Kissing your lips with a fond peck, both of your foreheads meet as he starts moving. Alternating between shallow and fast thrusts that cause your mattress to squeak or slow and steady glides where you can feel every vein that runs along the length of his cock, dragging your nails lightly down his toned back to match each rhythm.
It, of course, does not take much time for your orgasm to build up again having nearly reached that exhilarating climax already. Soonyoung won't last that long either, you're well-accustomed now to how excited he gets — already more than halfway approaching his own release by the enticing stimulus of the actions prior — paired with an insanely rapid refractory period. He could get off to your sounds alone… which started this whole ordeal anyways.
"You gonna cum for me, darling?" Your answer is another resounding keen of pleasure, wrapping both of your legs around his waist just like you did with his upper body before. He smirks, picking up the pace. "That's my good girl, c'mon — I can feel you clenching so tightly around me, relax and let go, baby."
You can only do as he commands, throwing your head back with a shout of his name as he peppers kisses on your clavicle and up to your ear. Mumbling praises in your ear, he continues to thrust into your wet warmth that spasms around him, setting off his release with a growl.
It's quiet for a while, peaceful despite harsh pants as you both try to come down from your high. Staring into each other's eyes that shine with the warm glow of the light by the bed and are full of so much love it's almost gross if anyone could see you right now. Just as Soonyoung's about to pull out and flop down beside you, a startling bang from the other side of your wall causes the two of you to flinch and freeze in place.
"Would y'all shut the fuck up?! No one needs or wants to hear your nasty sex!"
Your husband scoffs in disdain at your neighbors' complaints and shouts back before you can stop him. "Not my fault I can make love to my wife better than you could even dream of fucking yours!"
The couple falls silent and you smack him lightly on the shoulder even as you bite your lip to try and keep the laughter at bay. "Babe, I told you they would say something!"
Soonyoung can read you like a book and shoots you a smug smile, shifting his hips teasingly because he is still deep inside your cunt. "What do you say, baby, you up for giving them another show? We have all night after all." He gloats at your gasp when he pulls a little bit out, the mixture of your releases creating a filthy squelch even your neighbors could probably hear. "And I had a point to prove to you anyways, didn't I?"
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columboscreens · 2 years
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Do you think Columbo is/was queer-coded? I do, and I will not elaborate.
lucky for you, i will!
let me preface this post with this: from what i've gathered, there's a pretty widespread notion today that columbo is some flavor of on-the-spectrum.
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one, nothing wrong with me. two, nothing wrong with me. three...something wrong with me...
i doubt much of it was intentional, if at all. lots of old-timer fans will scowl at you if you suggest this sort of thing, but his hyperfixation, distractibility, various sensitivities, etc. all sort of compound in the eyes of today's sensibilities.
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gee i wonder why
the science behind mental health is still very young and ever-changing. today, we call a presentation like this neurodivergence. tomorrow, perhaps something else.
but yesterday, very few people called it much of anything. at the risk of armchairing and perhaps pathologizing, i'll just say that some of what writers decades ago thought were quirks, some of what peter falk may have thought were just his own idiosyncrasies ("there's always a part of me that's on the moon"), could now be considered hallmarks of what some call ADHD and autism spectrum behaviors. incidentally, while ADHD and ASD manifest in countless different ways and in different capacities, a large corpus of study is beginning to compound showing the high comorbidity of the two.
well, that's all well and good ms. columboscreens, but surely you've belabored a moot point. we get it, columbo's Weird. what's that got to do with him flirting with the murderer?
a lot, apparently. shocker: research suggests that individuals on the spectrum are nearly 1.5x as likely to be queer.
now we've touched on an area of pertinence: if columbo is in fact "neurodivergent", specifically on the spectrum, then he is statistically more likely to not be completely straight. i've talked about his gender expression here and have been quoted in slate speaking to it. he's a masculine man who loves sports, beer, cars, women, and spaghetti westerns; he is confident, capable, protective, carries a knife, and embodies the highest virtues of stoicism.
yet he's also very gentle, nurturing, empathetic, and intuitive; he loves children, flowers, cooking, fashion, and shopping. columbo is a pillar of traditional western masculinity, but somehow also embodies many tenets of traditional femininity. he is mind and heart wed, recognizing that neither logic nor emotion is more important than the other, that both together are greater than the sum of their parts, and never solely ascribing either quality to either gender.
so for a man old enough to have perhaps gotten a WWII draft slip, he is very well-adjusted and in touch with himself. there is no doubt that he benefits from being a man, but defines that manlihood for himself, and he has very little of the pretensions typical of his generation. he transcends traditional gender roles, skillfully defuses conflict with black and queer people who anticipate brutality from him as a police officer, and takes a chivalrous yet distcintly egalitarian approach to the opposite sex.
when handling women, there are times when columbo will overstep his chivalry and act with benevolent sexism, most commonly by playing into notions of female vanity, emotionality, or fragility. however, keep in mind that these behaviors are almost always solely for the benefit of lulling his female suspects into a false sense of security--he never for a second considers them lesser or incapable, on the contrary. for an excellent breakdown of columbo's treatment of women (amongst other things!), see berzsenyi's columbo: a rhetorical inquiry with resistant responders.
point being, columbo is anomalous and anachronistic in so many ways that it's hard for me to not think of him as perhaps at least a little bit fruity.
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happy pride, folks
now, people who don't even watch the show know that columbo loves his wife. he's obviously fond of women; it's well-known that peter falk loved practically every woman on this planet to a very real fault. and since falk and columbo are such intertwined entities, it's not an unreasonable assumption to make that columbo likes the ladies.
despite that, he has no problem getting handsy with men; he hugs, kisses, touches, cuddles with them. of course, male affection shouldn't be read as inherently homoerotic, and when this closeness isn't part of his plan to make the suspect uncomfortable, it simply demonstrates how self-assured columbo is.
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xoxoxo~
in reality, most sensual of all is oddly enough the chase itself. i think there is really something to be said for the eye contact, the touch, the way columbo toys with his suspective men--particularly the ones with whom he builds a close rapport. it's not overtly romantic, but it is tangibly unique, suggestive, wrapped up in the games he plays. there is Subtext. the gotchas especially are often full of this sort of tension that seems to, at times, veer into this vaguely sexual realm. it's essentially a courtship, except instead of getting married at the end, he gets down on one knee and arrests you.
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my god, i could write a whole post on just these two. watch this particular episode's final twenty minutes and tell me it isn't as close to sexual metaphor as columbo gets
tl;dr columbo as a middle-aged straight cis man is somehow better queer neurodivergent representation than what they churn out today. go figure
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david-talks-sw · 4 months
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any new Star Wars essays in the making, or are you moving on?
I don't know, honestly.
Part of it is "life gets in the way," I'm working a lot and so whatever time I have left is spent just messing around or meeting with my loved ones.
I've got a bunch of stuff in my drafts. I don't mind sharing it here, most recent to oldest:
Sort of a joke post of me pointing out how stressful being George Lucas' producer must've been, like this guy really DIDN'T WANT to write his fucking scripts, did he? Poor Rick McCallum. Abandoned because who gives a crap.
'Ask' reply on how EU-fueled fandom perception of the Jedi was flipped by the prequels.
'Ask' reply about the themes in Ahsoka and why the show doesn't know what it's about. Problem is, I go about it starting from the basics, so nobody's gonna sit through reading a tematic breakdown of the first Pirates of the Carribean movie, The Batman and the original six Star Wars films before I even get to the show at hand.
"Part II" post about what Ahsoka, Rebels and TCW get right about lightsaber duels, which the Prequels never did.
Quote collection & analysis on just how complex the Prequels were meant to be (in the late 80s, Lucas intimated that the Sequels were the story that was supposed to have gray morality, not the Prequels)
Quote collection on how the themes and principles of Star Wars align with Lucas' own opinions and philosophies.
Quote collection on Lucas defining Anakin's flaws.
Quote collection on Lucas talking about the fact that we need to be more proactive, which aligns with what Lumi points out sometimes about the Jedi: they should've been more politically engaged because we all should be.
Why I approach Lucas as "word of god".
Personal life/joke-y post dating from the time of the WGA strike about how Jack Black's School of Rock lyrics "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, but the legend of the rent was way past due!" applied to me. Abandoned because I didn't wanna bum everyone out.
Correcting the notion that Dark Times-era Jedi such as Kanan or Ezra or Ahsoka represent what Jedi were supposed to be.
A comprehensive end-all outlook on how Anakin's flaws all tie together. I've written this one twice and I don't know how to differentiate it from my other posts.
A secret "Part 3" to my TLJ Luke post, in which I point out that RJ's being too "indie", while being a strong point for a big chunk of the film, hampers the film's ability to make Luke feel as badass as he does on paper. I want to illustrate a storyboard for this one, but that takes time.
The evolution of Star Wars' approach to transmedia.
Debunking Star Wars myths: a (very) comprehensive outlook on children in the Jedi Order.
Problem is that only like 2/3rds of these are fully-written... and I still need to find the relevant clips, turn them into GIFs, etc etc.
There's many other interesting Asks in my inbox btw. But I'm already behind on all these, so I haven't begun to touch them.
Then there's the drawings.
I wanna draw a comic of the meeting between Yoda and Dooku in Dark Rendezvous. I wanna finish the comic fight between Maul and Ben. I wanna draw Mace, Shaak Ti, I've got a Luminara fan-art that was supposed to be ready for Jedi June 2022 and an Anakin drawing that looks weird. No time, nor am I skilled enough. (Like, I trace, that's what I do, it's not a secret I've said so before... but it takes me a long while to do so. I'm not fast at drawing, let alone coloring.) I could commission some of these, but there are obvious obstacles there.
There's fun tidbits I've discovered here and there but nobody will care about them and I usually try to not drown my blog with bs posts.
Then there's the bigger problem.
All the things I've listed above? I'm not 100% motivated to finish. But a lot of the new stuff I wanna write about is hella negative.
I had a lot of stuff I wanted to say about Ahsoka. But it wasn't all good. It was mostly me bitching, be it about the show or the fandom's reactions to it.
I've also got more stuff to say about Filoni's take on Star Wars, but I've talked about why it's inaccurate like 8 times already, and I don't actually dislike the guy, like there's plenty of things he knows and does that I think are awesome but also people won't stop putting him and his takes on a pedestal and--
oh shit, there's Acolyte too, I forgot about that, gray morality galore, here we come. But here too, like... I've talked a couple of times about why this entire gray morality thing is actually just the gen X-ers trying to make the prequels "cool" and "complex". but I've never explored properly, with quotes and research and shit. but i've talked about it so many times that at this point it'd end up like the Filoni rants, redundant. "we get it already." as if this show didn't have haters lined round the block for absolutely sexist reasons.
Don't get me started on the mountain of lies and/or idiocy that is the YouTuber Star Wars Theory.
And yet he said one thing a few months ago which struck a chord within me and it's the fact that Andor is awesome, excels on all levels because it's treated seriously, like a proper show, not a Disney Plus one... why wasn't Obi-Wan Kenobi? Why wasn't Book of Boba Fett? And I've already established multiple times that I enjoyed Kenobi (yes, including the Reva parts) and I've established that I know what they were going for in Fett and I've established that this is mainly a "Disney Plus didn't know how to structure a fucking show pre-WGA strike" issue more than anything else... but when I think about how these could've been treated instead? When I look at the characterizations and emotional stakes of like Fargo Season 5? It's infuriating. Because it's not bad (talking about Kenobi, BOBF is awful)... but it could've been EXCELLENT and instead it was just "okay" to "good".
I just miss live action lightsaber duels, man. Like, good ones.
and i dunno. maybe I should just let it rip on all this. "go off, king!"
but I think there's so much negativity re: Star Wars that adding my thoughts on these subjects, no matter how structured and reason, will just blend into a wave of needless, un-constructive hate.
maybe I should finish the writings in the drafts and just post them with no gifs, maybe just still images?
but doing any of that feels like a step back.
So that's where I'm at right now.
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katyspersonal · 17 days
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Speaking of my inbox:
1) Nice
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2) It is not actually Sephiroth spam anons fault apparently, but there are many scam/bot/etc asks that will be invisible if they've got blocked before you could read their ask, however their ask will still linger as a ghost and the only way to get rid of it is through 'delete all messages' function! That I am not willing to do until I've sorted out some old draft asks
3) However, since I mostly post from PC, the amount of asks broke Inbox and I keep seeing asks either not in chronological order, or they simply don't show up until I got rid of some other ones! This keeps causing a problem where I find a lore/opinion ask only much later as it straight up didn't show up earlier :pensive:
So yeah, if I "ignored" your ask, it might be not just memory/focus problem but also the fact that I can't see it until massive cleaning fsdhfsdh Tumblr is the most functional website ever as usual
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willgrahamsleftear · 4 months
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This is a better worded, better formatted version of the notes on this post if you want to see the rough draft & my conversation with @hoffmansrealwife who started this whole thing!! 🫶🫶
Eric Matthews is an incredibly tragic character, who deserves a lot better treatment from the fanbase in general. He was a good father, who was doing his best with what he had.
He’s introduced to us as a very stubborn, bull-headed sort of guy. He yells at his son (though not without reason), he’s stressed, he’s tired, and he’s angry. I feel like people really dumb him down to just these traits when he is so much more than what we see at first glance.
I genuinely believe Eric was a good dad. A good person? No, he still framed people, but, on the other hand, I can see where he’s coming from with that.
He knows these people are guilty of something, but he doesn’t have the evidence, so he plants it. He gets them locked up for a crime they didn’t commit because he knows they have committed a crime, and doesn’t have the proof to lock them up. That doesn’t make him right but it’s understandable, in my eyes.
Eric was a good father. He had issues with impatience and controlling his temper, but he was incredibly stressed. Jigsaw himself (who, at the time, was completely unknown) was coming after him, and his son was stealing and getting in trouble. His son, Daniel, is angry at him wants to go to his mom’s, making Eric out to be a bad father to his ex-wife when all he wants is for Eric to be safe.
He tries his best, but he fails sometimes. He doesn’t communicate right, as many parents don’t sometimes.
But he cared, and it showed in everything he did that he cared. He reacted, in my opinion, very lightly to Daniel getting into trouble with the law. Yes, he raised his voice, but it’s not like he screamed at Daniel. He was very gentle with his son.
Even if he wasn’t the best parent he could’ve been, he should have been able to work that out with Daniel himself. He cared so much about his son, to the point of defying Jigsaw’s rules, knowing what happens to those who don’t “play by the rules”. Eric isn’t stupid, he knew he was risking his life by hurting John, but he cared so much about Daniel that his own life didn’t matter to him.
Eric was constantly being reminded, while working on the Jigsaw case, that even the smallest infraction can cause Jigsaw to come after you. As far as he knows, Jigsaw doesn’t care how young you are, as we see with what happened to the Gordon family and how young Diana Gordon was at the time.
Eric is constantly being reminded of how anyone could be taken from him at any moment. He was completely right in lashing out, and was reacting as any good parent would to the situation. He never even found out that Daniel was truly safe.
He’s a good father and deserves a lot more sympathy from the fanbase. People adore Mark Hoffman and Peter Strahm, and they’ve done much worse things (in the context of their jobs; abusing their power etc) than Eric has. Eric is an incredibly tragic character and deseves more love </3
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a-d-nox · 11 months
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Heyy I just wanted to come on here to say that I reallyyy love your blog. I was just messing around and found an old post of yours titled "Pluto in Aquarius: what's to come" and I thought it was soo well written. I love the choice of pictures for the post as well. You don't even have to answer this ask. I just wanted to come on here and appreciate your work, that's all. Keep up the dedication!
pluto retrograding back into capricorn: a prediction of what's to come
hahaha too funny!!! "i didn't have to answer this" but it was so well planned! i was in the middle of drafting this post when this ask notifications popped up!! so thank you so much for the compliments and i hope you enjoy this one equally!!
house matters:
THIS IS THE FIRST OF TWO PLUTO RETROGRADES THAT WILL OCCUR - this one will last from june 11th to jan 20th, 2024. we likely won't see too much wildness because we only recently started experiencing what pluto in aquarius is like. we know the vibe of pluto in capricorn already and likely still feel comfortable with its predictability. THE FINAL RETROGRADE BACK INTO CAPRICORN will be september 1st, 2024 to november 19th, 2024. then we are full steam ahead with pluto in aquarius until march 9th, 2043.
live in the USA so my post likely will be slightly more focused there examples wise so i apologize in advance! feel free to comment, dm, or reblog with other examples from your country based on my prediction key phrases.
i personally am NOT a witch or anything wild, everything i am saying is purely theoretical - it is not fated to happen just because i am saying it. i am simply socially aware. i know what's up generally in the world today and what was up in world when pluto was in capricorn.
like last time i am going to start light and get darker so mentally prepare yourself for that (tw: COVID-19, assassinations, and other abrasive topics that may make people uncomfortable) depending on where they are currently reading from - but we are talking about pluto so... expect the unexpected?!
let's get to it!
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time and schedule changes
in the US people have been saying that daylight savings hour should be concluded indefinitely because it is unnecessary. we don't need "daylight" like we used to because we have advanced technologically. there are more risks with keeping time change then there is with getting rid of it. i could also see this being about the 4-day work week because it was trialed at the beginning of the aqua pluto transit and it was a success. capricorn is a worker and can be about workplace efficiency too, so we could see the work week become "refined" to be 4 days only.
the rise of new non-tech and/or tech-intensive careers
where there are AI doomers, there is a market. we will see old-school businesses and professionals trying to justify and reestablish their career without AI involvement - ground zero for this prediction is real-estate (people fighting virtual or 3D-tour technology) and politics (look at the tiktok ban nonsense - i can see them saying their jobs are necessary 100% of the time... or they don't need to evolve...). capricorn again represent efficiency when it comes to working, so we could see people commingling with tech to make the most out of AI in new ways to make their careers and the work they do more efficient (and less time consuming to piggyback off of the 4-day work week prediction).
the collapse of dead space
there is a chance we will see some sort of conversation about what to do with places we no longer use - strip malls, movie theaters, mineshafts, etc. pluto retrograde makes me think of fear mongering (yes, i see the irony between that statement and this post) - i can see where with climate issue and the haze that is falling over old-money US currently that people might start talking about building bunkers in preparation of a mass natural disaster or "apocalypse." my logic behind this is that capricorn represents reliability, money, and underground places while pluto is demolition and extremes.
technology failures and setbacks
enjoy your air conditioning when you have it and if you have it - i sense that we will likely face more blackouts and rolling blackouts this summer than ever before. i also think we could see AI doomers in full swing or we will see that AI is monitoring more than it should and people will distance themselves from it.
extreme weather and climate shifts
as we have seen in the past few days, wildfires are on the rise across canada. pluto can represent extremes and electrocution while capricorn can be ashes, dryness, and old trees - people are predicting "dry thunderstorms" and stating that wildfires can occur because of these storm systems/conditions. while it is not winter here in the US this retrograde, the second retrograde will be near enough to the season: expect an extreme and EARLY winter. capricorn symbolizes cold, ice, and snow. the extreme of that being a blizzard, of course. this past winter in buffalo, new york we saw how bad it can get. where i live (almost three hours from buffalo) we had no solid snowfall... i don't think i will say the same in 2024 - the movie the day after tomorrow comes to mind.
repression of freethinkers
pluto retrograde can make people less likely to "fight against the patriarchy". we might see those who were fighting back being prosecuted or jailed (incarceration is pluto ruled). while aquarius welcomed change, shifting backwards into traditionally-minded capricorn can cause this silencing.
real-estate crisis
real-estate is starting to straighten out but i want to point out that when pluto initially entered capricorn in 2008, there was a huge scandal surrounding the housing market. the subprime mortgage crisis caused a recession to occur because the market crash and lenders couldn't return on their loans. we might see similar problems again. right now lots of homes are overpriced and if certain lenders are using the money on loan and we crash again we can see another market crash.
recession or depression
speaking of market crash... it's the roaring 20s. i don't think it is a coincidence that the Great Depression was in the 1920s, while the Great Recession was when pluto initially entered capricorn in 2008. could there be a Great Depression part two? MAYBE. considering pluto in retrograde typically indicates trouble with power dynamics and capricorn can represent business and the economy.
the death of politics and/or the church
2024 the year of the election - it's early to be talking about it for some of us, i know, BUT the campaigns are beginning. i want us to be aware that going between tradition capricorn and utopian aquarius during this time may cause some chaos... we have biden and trump again on the trial... two recent POTUSs... there are a lot of extreme people who are not happy with either of their times in office. i want to just put out there that JFK was just passing through texas on a friendly visit when his assassination occurred. pluto represents assassinations, so it might be in the stars during the retrograde seasons (hopefully not though). i feel like it will be someone close to the presidents if so because capricorn can be a "watchman" while pluto can be betrayal. since capricorn is the church, we could see the death of a pope or higher church official that causes havoc as well. alternatively, we could see people saying (towards the end of the second retrograde) / questioning why we even need a president.
capricorn terms i can't think of change in but seem important to note / keep in mind: colds (COVID being labelled the common cold while it is mutating?), hair, hysteria (another outbreak? panic early in a presidency?), limitations (lockdowns? maybe for COVID or the air conditions because of wildfires?), minerals (running out of them), mining industry (the end of this industry all together and switching to renewable resources by the end of this cap pluto era), old age (the boomers are dying off? or are we going to make a discovery of some sort about aging or age related diseases), orderliness, responsibility, tile, afghanistan, greece, lithuania, mexico, and tombs (are we going to say goodbye to cemeteries?).
plutonian terms i can't think of change in but seem important to note / keep in mind: aliases, alibis (governmental riffing similar to how no plan was in place when for COVID-19), cemeteries (removal of that method if too many are dying at any giving time - mass graves?), convicts (prison release due to overcrowding? the mega-prison of el salvador?), corruption (governmental likely?), earthquakes (more environmental issues on top of the wildfires?), liars, massacres (the rise of crime?), murder, nihilism (the rise of philosophy at the time of war?), ransom (war?), satire (rise of political satire?), stolen goods, and taxes (trump-esque no? likely to be brought up during the presidential campaign).
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belovedblabber · 1 year
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Plenty of people have said this in much more eloquent terms than mine but I drafted this late at night, and seeing as my brain is too rude for me to make eloquent thought out posts right now I’m just going to say this;
It’s so weird to me when people’s take away from the John sections of NtN is that they’re meant as confirmations that he’s an evil manipulator who has always been an evil manipulator, and further, that anybody who feels sympathy et al. for him when reading these chapters is ‘falling for his front.’
Like what a boring reading. It’s just weird to me that that would be a take away people have. To be clear I am not vagueing anybody here, I’ve just seen a few takes like that floating around. I just really don’t get how those sections could be read that way. To me the entire point of those backstory segments is to show us how John became the person he is in the present of the series. Those chapters aren’t meant to be proof of how John is bad and evil and manipulative, they’re showing us what somebody can do when pushed to a breaking point. It’s this tragic story of a man who loved the earth and wanted to save the earth and was so desperate that he fell into increasingly drastic actions as he was given godlike powers meant to help him fix things.
Because the thing is that when you give just some guy godlike powers it’s very easy for that guy to spin out as he feels increasing despair and urgency and anger. Like was backstory John perfect? Of course not he had tons of flaws. Flaws that then got increasingly amplified as things went on. But that’s kind of the point right? All of us have various flaws and nasty little traits that are part of us, and the point isn’t that John was a bad person, the point is that John was just a person! A person who was driven by desperation and love, a person who was given incredible and terrifying abilities that he didn’t know how to handle.
Like yes he was always a flawed individual, just like all of us are flawed individuals to some degree, and to me that’s sort of a massive point of his story. What happens when somebody filled with so much determination and anger and love is given these powers as the world gets sicker and sicker and the rich and powerful fuck you over? What does somebody do when things spiral out of control and keep escalating? The backstory chapters aren’t meant to show us how evil John is, they’re meant to show us how a driven scientist who wants to save the world can become the John that we see in the present. They show us what happened to him to twist him into that version of himself. Yes John is terrifying, he does horrible things, he’s an absolute bastard, I am in no way denying that. In fact that’s part of why I love him (because I enjoy FLAVOR). But reading the backstory chapters as just some sort of villain monologue is so boring.
Also I’ve seen people read those chapter as a ‘pr campaign’ of John’s in terms of what he’s saying. Which is, to me, really misinterpreting what’s going on there. It’s not a pr campaign, it’s a confession. And of course that confession is going to be shaped by John’s own opinions and recollections of events, but that doesn’t make it like, a carefully honed story that’s meant to make him look as good as possible and to manipulate the listener. Like yes it’s shaped by his opinions, his recollections etc., but that’s how any recounting of events is! Which makes it even more interesting. But I’ve seen takes saying that people are somehow falling for John’s front if they are like, ‘taken in’ by the John chapters. Which is really based on a total misreading of what’s going on with those chapters, in my opinion.
 Those chapters are a flashback/weird dream bubble conversation, and we’re seeing what he was telling Alecto shortly after he ended everything. It’s an explanation and a confession and an unburdening. In an interview after the NtN cover reveal Tamsyn Muir said that one of the things the book is about is “a friend you know getting super, super drunk at the club, and you’re sitting with him in the local McDonald’s at midnight as he tells you a bunch of incredibly intimate details about something you always wondered about, and you’re torn between wishing you were not in this McDonald’s and egging him on, because you know he’s really, really going to regret telling you all this when he’s sober” which we now know that what she was referring to there was the John chapters. And that quote really contradicts any readings that paint the John chapters as any sort of ‘pr campaign’ etc. (And then of course by the final John chapter we see a shift, and it becomes him more directly addressing Harrow again rather than the strange mix of Alecto and Harrow, and that part is its own interesting beast).
But anyway I just find it weird when people’s take away is just oh wow look how evil John is look at these horrible things he did. Because that’s so much less interesting than what we’re really getting. What’s fun is to look at all of this and think how did he get here? What happens when just some guy, with a mixed bag of traits and flaws just like any person, is given power over life and death and, as a result, the potential power to save the world? And as he falls further and further down the path that he find himself increasingly unable to step back from, what happens when he becomes increasingly desperate? What parts of himself get laid bare as he hurdles down that path? How does somebody end up here? How and why does somebody do what he did and how do they justify it to themselves? How does a man who set out to save the world become the man who killed it and now leads an empire that kills planets and subjugates people all in the name of vengeance? In John 1:20 C— tells him “John, your problem is that you care less about being a savior than you do about meting out punishment” and I feel like that is such a fascinating and telling line. It shows us a trait of his that has only gotten worse with time. He’s had over ten thousand years for that aspect of himself to set in stone and define him. 
And I think that the John chapters are, like so much of the series, a meditation on love and the different things love can cause a person to become and to do. “For John had loved the world” etc. That’s kind of its own post though so I’ll save that for a later semi-coherent collection of words. 
Anyway to me a big reason that these chapters are so fascinating is because they’re showing us what love can do when it’s pushed to its limits and twisted. John is such a tragic figure and I mean that very much in a Greek tragedy sense. As per Tamsyn Muir in a different interview than the one mentioned above, John is “the figure that cleaves the most towards the tragic” (this also being the interview where she mentions that John is more or less given all the traits of a specific Greek tragic hero). I’m not going to start going off about reading comprehension and engagement in relation to people struggling to relate and ping these sorts of narratives and characters, because I’ll probably start sounding like a pretentious ass, but anyway, Greek tragedy, love it. 
And so okay I’ve reached the end of my little Ted Talk here. Thanks for making it this far. Like I said, other people have said stuff to this effect better than I have, and I’ve probably said a lot of this before in different posts, but I’m choosing to say it here anyway because it’s my right to say a lot about a character here on tumblr.com
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