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kammartinez · 11 months

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By Gina Chua

There’s a scene in the third season of Netflix’s hugely popular “The Umbrella Academy” where Elliot Page’s character, sporting a new, short haircut, walks up to the other members of the titular superhero team to suggest a plan.

There’s a derisive response from one of them: “Who elected you, Vanya?”

Page glances around, slightly tentative. “It’s, uh, Viktor.”

“Who’s Viktor?”

The subtitles describe “dramatic music playing” as members of the group eye one another. Page hesitates for a second. “I am. It’s who I’ve always been.” Another beat. “Uh, is that an issue for anyone?”

There’s little hesitation: “Nah, I’m good with it.” “Yeah, me too.” “Cool.”

And thus plays out what might be the most mundane — and yet quietly empowering — depiction of gender transition in popular culture I’ve ever seen. Were Page’s real-life journey to transition only as simple, straightforward or well received.

Instead, as he details in a brutally honest memoir, “Pageboy,” his life story was marked by fear, self-doubt, U-turns, guilt and shame, before he ultimately seized control of his own narrative.

A child actor from Canada who burst onto the scene at the age of 20 with a breakout performance in the title role of “Juno” in 2007, Page went on to take roles in films that ranged from indie (“Whip It,” “Freeheld”) to blockbusters (“Inception,” “X-Men: Days of Future Past”).

But fame didn’t free him to explore his identity; instead it trapped him into a role studios wanted him to play, offscreen as well as on, as an attractive young starlet.

Much of the memoir — told in non-sequential flashbacks and flash-forwards — centers on Page’s path to understand who he really was, against a backdrop of bullying, eating disorders, stalking, sexual harassment and assault. Page grew up in Nova Scotia, the child of divorced parents — a less than loving father and a mother hoping against hope for a more conventional child than the gender outlaw she seemed to be raising.

“Can I be a boy?” Page asked his mother at the age of 6. He found escape in solitary play and a rich fantasy life that ultimately blossomed into a career as an actor.

The nonlinear structure makes following a clear narrative difficult, but that’s less important than seeing, through his eyes, how Page slowly pieces together a clear sense of himself. In that, it follows a tradition of trans memoirs, from Jennifer Finney Boylan’s “She’s Not There” to Janet Mock’s “Redefining Realness” to Thomas Page McBee’s “Man Alive,” among others, that explore how we explore our identities.

From furtive, closeted relationships — he relates how he held hands under a blanket with his then-partner as they were bused from location to location while working on a film together — to coming out as gay in 2014 (“more a necessity than a decision,” he writes), Page flirted with, but backed away several times from, the notion that he might be trans.

“My shoulders opened, my heart was bare, I could be in the world in ways that felt impossible before,” he writes of coming out as gay. “But deep down an emptiness lurked. That undertone. Its whisper still ripe and in my ear.”

It’s in that tortured, contradictory internal monologue — familiar to other trans people as we contemplate what seems to be an extraordinary, unimaginable truth — that “Pageboy” is most powerful. Page doesn’t really delve into questions of masculinity, or what it means to be a man, but he brings to life the visceral sense of gender dysphoria, or at least one type of dysphoria: the sense that your body is betraying you. It’s an utterly alien sensation for those who haven’t experienced it:

Imagine the most uncomfortable, mortifying thing you could wear. You squirm in your skin. It’s tight, you want to peel it from your body, tear it off, but you can’t. Day in and day out. And if people are to learn what is underneath, who you are without all that pain, the shame would come flooding out, too much to hold. The voice was right, you deserve the humiliation. You are an abomination. You are too emotional. You are not real.

Moments of joy pierce “Pageboy” as well: his first real queer kiss; scenes of passionate sex; the blossoming of his relationship with his mother after he came out; the reflection of his flat chest in the mirror.

Page disclosed his transition in December 2020, a few weeks before I did the same. I suspect he, like me, had been prepared for a future where trans lives would be broadly accepted, or at least tolerated, albeit with sporadic incidents of hate. Both of us inhabit left-leaning spaces (media, movies) where the appearance of support is de rigueur.

How could we have expected instead the tidal wave of anti-trans animus that is surging across the right, with hundreds of bills proposed — and some passed — in state legislatures that would in some cases bar adults from accessing trans care; undermine private insurance; allow medical personnel to discriminate against transgender patients; and restrict performances by drag performers and trans people, including possibly Page.

Trans men and women are attacked in very different ways. Trans women are demonized as sexual predators; trans men, when people think of them at all, are portrayed as misguided and misled girls and women, confused and unable to understand their own identity. “When I came out in 2014, the vast majority of people believed me, they did not ask for proof,” Page writes. “But the hate and backlash I received were nothing compared to now.”

It was an unwelcome regression to a time studios controlled his public persona: “I am sick of the creepy focus on my body and compulsion to infantilize (which I have always experienced, but nothing like this). And it isn’t just people online, or on the street, or strangers at a party, but good acquaintances and friends.”

Still, Page has no shortage of fans as well, vociferous defenders of possibly the most famous trans man in the world, and one whose onscreen portrayal of a superhero offers an alternative conception of masculinity rooted in inner strength and sensitivity rather than brawn and muscles.

His character’s arc from Vanya to Viktor offers hope, too, of a world where transition is matter-of-fact, accepted — and incidental. “Truly happy for you, Viktor,” another “Umbrella Academy” member concludes.

Page and the showrunner Steven Blackman were at pains to ensure his character’s journey reflected the nuances of real trans lives, not least that being trans was a character trait, not the defining one. They brought in McBee to weave an authentic narrative into what was then an already tightly packed and carefully scripted season.

In the memoir, Page reflects on his complex relationship with store windows, and his image in them — a reminder, pre-transition, of a body and identity he saw but did not want to inhabit. McBee crafted that memory into another telling “Umbrella Academy” scene, where Page’s Viktor pauses in front of a storefront and is asked what he sees.

“Me.” A smile and a shrug. “Just me.”

Truly happy for you, Elliot.

#pageboy #elliot page #books #memoir #lgbtqia

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usafphantom2 · 2 years

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USAF performs KC-46 test flights without co-pilot

Fernando Valduga By Fernando Valduga 10/29/2022 - 11:30 in Military

A KC-46 tanker plane from McConnell Air Base, Kansas, flew without a co-pilot on October 25, part of the Air Mobility Command's effort to study the limited operations of the air crew.

Two flights took place with only one pilot and one boom operator, the 22nd Air Refueling Wing announced in a statement. The first outlift flew only in one pattern, while the second carried out a "complete mission profile", including "decolling, air refueling meeting, air refueling in loading and unloading, [and] landing".

When he was not involved in spear operations, the spear operator was in the cabin with the pilot.

A second instructor pilot was on board during flights to act as a safety observer and a second KC-46 with full crew flew next to the tanker plane to provide assistance if necessary.

“This mission was widely practiced in flight simulators,” said the commander of the 22nd ARW, Colonel Nate Vogel, in a statement. “Each evaluation phase was carefully considered, taking into account the safety of the crew, the capabilities of the aircraft and the existing federal aviation standards. This allowed us to make a deliberate and complete analysis of what risks and obstacles are present, how to mitigate them and allowed us to recommend training requirements to familiarize the crews with the basic functions and critical controls of unknown crew positions."

The change to take a co-pilot out of the cockpit was one of several initiatives described by the head of the Air Mobility Command, General Mike Minihan, at the AFA Air, Space and Cyber Conference last September. Reports of such a movement came to light for the first time in July, provoking reaction from some who thought this would overload an already insufficient force, but Minihan strongly defended it as needed.

"You'll have to forgive me. I don't think that fighter pilots are the only ones who have the innate right to fly a solo plane," said Minihan. "And as much as I admire and trust this crowd, I admire and trust mine in exactly the same way.

"There is a real operational need for this. To generate the necessary pace to win, it is not difficult to imagine a pilot and a probe operator fulfilling the mission while in the bunk bed there is a pilot and a probe operator sleeping. And I'd rather test it now than try to find out when the shooting is happening."

At the same time, as many commentators on social media, including current and former Air Force employees, have already noticed, the idea of trying to operate a KC-46A, or any other tanker, with only two crew members can only generate questions about safety and the general tension imposed on these individuals.

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The KC-46 may not be the only mobility aircraft to fly with a smaller crew. Minihan said he also wants to exploit limited air crew operations for other large weapons platforms.

Minihan has advanced with several initiatives for the KC-46 in particular. In May, a Pegasus of the 22nd ARW set an AMC resistance record with a 24.2 hour flight and, in September, he released it for deployments around the world and tasks of combating commanders, including in combat, after months of provisional capacity releases due to the troubled Remote Vision System of the tanker.

Source: With information from Air Force & Space Magazine

Tags: Military AviationBoeing KC-46A PegasusUSAF - United States Air Force / US Air Force

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Fernando Valduga

Aviation photographer and pilot since 1992, he has participated in several events and air operations, such as Cruzex, AirVenture, Dayton Airshow and FIDAE. It has works published in specialized aviation magazines in Brazil and abroad. Uses Canon equipment during his photographic work in the world of aviation.

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thesereveries · 1 day

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Repression

Imagine a woman suffering in late-19th century Austria. Let's call her Anna. Whenever her husband approaches her in bed, it becomes difficult to breath, and she wishes she weren’t alive. Why is this happening to me? she despairs. It doesn’t make any sense, for she loves her husband so. When Anna confides in her friends, they insist that this is to be expected, given her belonging to the more delicate sex. Or, they insist that she must be neglecting her religious duties, and she should pray more. This makes invisible the actual reasons. Unbeknownst to her, someone made her perform sexual acts when she was a small child. She can barely remember this, let alone be able to connect it up to why sexual activity comes with anxiety or depression.

Freud comes around. He convinces the intelligentsia that their culture is overly repressed. When people lose opportunities to figure out what they’re emotional about, this amounts to an obstacle dropped, stopping people from using their emotion as a pathway to discovering forbidden, significant parts of reality. Repression can allow forms of cruelty, like sexual abuse, to perpetuate.

To address this situation, Freud offered a framework for making sense of our emotions in terms of various “complexes” (e.g, neurosis, hysteria) and methods for working out their causes (e.g., dream analysis, free-association). While I believe that the practice of unpacking emotion should be normalized, and Freud helped get us there, the exact diagnoses and methods he proposed are limited, and even dangerous (I’ll return to this below).

This wave of repression, which Freud responded to, arose from the moral codes of religious institutions. Sex is not a topic that could be talked about, back then. Now, there is another wave of repression. This time the wave arises from the practical codes of scientific institutions. Rather than being told that our depression and anxiety is caused by the natural order (e.g., Anna is told that her suffering is part of the innate relations between men and women), today we’re told that our emotional suffering is caused by serotonin imbalances, not getting enough exercise, or not eating right. We’ve swapped out one natural order for another. While such physical factors can influence our suffering, these are not the ultimate cause.

When we’re told that our emotional suffering stems from past trauma, this is better. But there are two issues with trauma talk. First, trauma is often mentioned as if it were a mechanical cause, as if we were clockworks, and our trauma is a loosened gear. A single past traumatic event, we think, can cause depression and anxiety. Belief in this causal picture is dangerous. It prevents us from realizing our freedom and from healing (an idea I’ll return to below).

Second, emotional trauma is often conceptualized as a local, personal event, like a wound on one’s body. Trauma not like this. Rather, it is like a massive project collectively undertaken. Think of mass hysteria or mob mentality. Under our collective projects, we take for granted that there are certain goals, and that certain resources ought to be used to achieve these. Compare this to a cult whose members believe that they must pray in order to stave off the apocalypse. These people pray hundreds of times a day, and are even competitive with one another about how much they’re praying. None of them realize how their goal is pointless (there is no such thing as an impending apocalypse), or that their means are ineffective (even if an apocalypse could happen, praying won’t make a difference). Likewise, in our society at large, we’re all obsessed with certain aims, whose futility or danger to our well-being we can’t see. We waste our lives, without realizing it, as much as these cult members do.

Sometimes, these soul-sickening projects spontaneously arise and consume a society (think about torture practices in fraternities). Other times, they are designed by individuals abusing their power (think about cult leaders or the ultra-wealthy who hire lobbyists). Always, these soul-sickening projects are shaped by historical inequities and neglected infrastructure (think about racism and economic disparities).

What are the collective projects, exactly, which explain our emotional traumas? While I’ll mention some tentative ideas later, in conclusion, in general it is difficult to identify them. The current wave of repression stands in the way. The path emotion could offer towards uncovering the wrongs of reality is blocked. Moral codes of religious institutions cut off this path during Freud’s day, and now the practical codes of scientific institutions have cut us off.

The scientists are not at fault. Culture shapes all of us, so that we expect that, as long as we pay enough money, or swallow the right pills, we can be relieved. We demand technological fixes. It is easier on the conscience to believe that depression or anxiety is caused by the brain than to believe that we’re responsible for our suffering, that we’ve brought it upon ourselves. Repression is all the more tempting under this incentive structure. None of us want to believe that the cause of our suffering is something that no one can fix.

Facing up to this fact, however, is not all doom and gloom. We’re partly responsible for our own and each other’s suffering. While no individual can save us, we can save each other.

How are we to do this? I think that while it’s useful to appeal to the psychoanalytic tradition, we ought not revive this tradition. Psychoanalysis places too much weight on the power of introspection and one-to-one therapy. It is committed to that our suffering ought to be accompanied by certain symptoms and is normally caused by certain stock narratives (e.g., specific phobias and fetishes; forgotten childhood sexual trauma).

Moreover, this tradition promotes that emotional suffering is a clinical or medical issue, as opposed to a personal, societal, or spiritual issue. When it’s made medical, we’re encouraged to think that only medical experts can help us. Psychoanalysis limits us. In contrast, when emotional suffering is made a personal or societal issue, we’re encouraged to look into the matter ourselves, or with our friends and family. We’re given the creative license to make discoveries; scientists can’t figure this out for us, because their methods are tailored for understanding biology, not the mind and soul.

We ought to shift the weight, instead, onto the power of culture, community, and family. We ought to see how what authorities tell us about the nature of our emotional suffering can engender certain symptoms. Consider the history of hysteria and multiple personality disorder. Both consist in a set of behaviors, deemed as a scientifically or medically legitimate disorder in society. When people were diagnosed with these, they suddenly found themselves beset by the symptoms named by the scientists. Once these disorders were debunked by scientific authorities, these symptoms virtually vanished from society (Hacking 1995). So we shouldn’t think that any particular “complexes” or disorders named in psychoanalytic theory are scientifically legitimate. When people seemed to have these disorders, their symptoms were “brainwashed” into them by authority figures, like therapists and psychiatrists. There is a lesson to take away from this bit of history: The forms of our suffering are malleable to the touch of authority, or the people we trust.

In light of the complexity and open-endedness of emotional suffering, we ought to stay curious about the causes of our suffering. There is no mechanical cause, like a screw gone loose in one’s head. Any event in the world which contributes to our suffering has causal power only insofar as we have perceived and made sense of it. For example, a mother sees in her neighborhood a man open-carry a gun. This strikes fear in her heart; in the past, she lost a child to gun violence. In contrast, fellow gun owners will be delighted by this very sight of open-carry in the neighborhood. No stimuli can have emotional power without our backgrounds giving stimuli this power, any more than random words can amount to a story without an author arranging the words into a story.

We are each like an author translating a story from a foreign language. The story is our sensed reality, and the foreign language is the world itself. Moreover, culture will impose certain aesthetic sensibilities, which affects the choices the translator makes. Similarly, our culture imposes certain desires and expectations, which affects how we uptake events and determines whether we suffer in consequence. So we should be humble before any cause that we (or a therapist or psychiatrist) has identified as the cause of our suffering. Any conclusion we’ve made should be only “for the time being.”

I can’t write this post without emphasizing that repression can be good, even essential to well-being. Often, we’re not equipped with the background knowledge—or willingness to look beyond what’s comfortable—necessary for figuring out the causes of our emotion truthfully. By being curious about our emotion, sometimes we can end up believing that we’ve figured things out, which only reinforce a prior delusion. By repressing, in contrast, we can prevent a deranged author of our lives, who is invisible from us, from writing forth the details of the world in which we find ourselves, like characters of this author's creation. When should we repress our emotion, and when should we be curious? It is very difficult to know. All we can do is to be experimental in our approach and open-minded when trying to piece together the effects.

Above all, it is key to doubt psychiatrists and therapists. These professionals are trained in the practical codes of scientific institutions, as priests are trained in the moral codes of religious institutions. Trusting these authority figures pulls wool over our eyes and makes us deeply repressed, to an extent which allows cruelty to perpetuate beneath the surface. Back then, when priests ruled over our emotional suffering, such cruelty included incest and sexual abuse (which Freud focused upon). Today, if I may hazard a bet, such cruelty includes extreme self-centeredness and loneliness. We believe that rationality is a matter of self-interest, and that we should unequivocally prioritize an individual's autonomy above all else in cases of ethical ambiguity—as if we could be absolutely autonomous, as if culture doesn’t influence us.

There is much to be said about what we should do, in light of this current wave of repression. Minimally, we need to be curious about our emotional suffering and courageous in finding what's there. We need to turn towards people who know us personally, and not only to people who know us clinically (whether they are a priest or psychiatrist). Loving each other and de-clinicalizing emotional suffering would be a beginning to push against this wave of repression and to stop perpetuating the cruelty this wave hides.

Bibliography & further reading

Freud, Sigmund. The Ego and the Id. Translated by James Strachey. The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud. New York: Norton, 1989.

Hacking, Ian. Rewriting the Soul: Multiple Personality and the Sciences of Memory. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1995.

Harrington, Anne. The Cure within: A History of Mind-Body Medicine. Paperback ed. New York: Norton, 2009.

Tomasello, Michael. Origins of Human Communication. The Jean Nicod Lectures 2008. Cambridge, Mass: MIT Press, 2008.

Williams, Bernard. “From Sincerity to Authenticity.” In Truth & Truthfulness: An Essay in Genealogy. Princeton, N.J: Princeton University Press, 2002.

#philosophy #psychology #psychoanalysis #repression #emotion

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blogaida2 · 6 months

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Arrange the impressions and meanings in Denny Ja’s 28th chosen work: I returned to you

In the world of Indonesian literature, the name Denny Ja is familiar. Known as a writer, political activist, and also a social observer, Denny JA has produced many works that arouse and captivate the readers. One of his latest works that should be considered is the 98th essay poem entitled “I Back to You”. In this article, we will explore and compose the impressions and meanings contained in the selected work of Denny JA which is very much in this awaited. It is undeniable that Denny JA is one of the Indonesian literary figures who has a unique and unique writing style. His straightforward but emotional language style can make the reader carried away and connect to the story he conveyed. In “I return to you”, Denny Ja not only tells the story of his own life, but also raises many social issues and problems in society. One of the interesting things in Denny Ja’s chosen work is the use of strong and clear language. In each sentence, Denny Ja is able to convey a deep message in a simple but effective way. He uses the right words and describes the situation clearly so that the reader can feel the emotions he wants to convey. In addition, Denny Ja is also good at stringing words so as to form the flow of the story that flows smoothly. He is able to play words and describe the atmosphere so detail so that the reader can clearly imagine what is happening in the story. This expertise makes Denny Ja’s selected work so interesting and difficult to miss. Apart from the language and style of writing, “I returned to you” also has a deep meaning. In this work, Denny Ja raised many social issues such as corruption, politics, and social inequality. He uses stories of stories in his life as a means to convey important messages to the community. Through this work, Denny Ja wants to invite the reader to think more deeply about the problems that are around them and play an active role in finding a solution. In all of Denny Ja’s chosen work, there are several dominant themes and become the main focus. One of them is the theme of life and self -growth. Denny Ja described his life journey with all kinds of my likalik and obstacles he faced. He also told me about how he learned from the experience of the experience and became better than before. This theme can be an inspiration for readers not to give up in facing life challenges and continues to develop. Another theme that appears in this work is the theme of love and human relations. Denny Ja tells the story of his love so beautifully and full of emotion. He is able to describe the complex and complex feelings that occur in the relationship between humans. Through this story, he wants to say that love is something universal and can be felt by anyone, regardless of background or social status. In conclusion, the 28th selected work of Denny Ja entitled “I Back to You” is an essay poem that should not be missed for Indonesian literature lovers. In this work, Denny Ja is able to arrange the impressions and meanings so nicely through a strong and clear style of language. He not only tells the story of his own life journey, but also raises important social issues. Through this work, Denny Ja wants to invite the reader to think more deeply about social problems and play an active role in finding a solution. Thus, “I return to you” is a clear proof that Denny Ja is one of the writers who should be reckoned with in Indonesia.

Check more: Arrange the impressions and meanings in the 28th selected work of Denny JA: I returned to you

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thezanyarthropleura · 1 year

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March 21 (2 of 2: 1970)

(This post covers Gamera vs. Jiger, look out for a separate Gamera vs. Guiron post earlier today)

Happy 54 years to Gamera vs. Guiron, the fifth film in the Showa era, and happy 53 years to Gamera vs. Jiger, the sixth film in the Showa era. Two back-to-back films with quadrupedal enemy monsters, even if Guiron apparently only is because the suit was too impractical for him to be bipedal. Also, two films that play reference to major cross-culture world events happening around the time of release

To get it out of the way, for anyone who has not seen this film, but has heard of it:

Jiger puts a PARASITE in Gamera’s LUNG. She’s specifically compared to real-world parasitic insects, like those wasps that lay eggs in caterpillars. Or like bot flies. And if you don’t know what a bot fly is, you don’t want to. All that said, however, “Gamera said: my body, my choice” is a valid interpretation of this film that I will let slide, on principle.

Along with Gamera vs. Gyaos, this film has one of the most underwhelming female cast presences of the series. Aside from Jiger herself, those with major roles include only Tommy’s younger sister Susan Williams, and Hiroshi’s older sister, Kitayama Miwako. Miwako does little besides give her boyfriend cute smiles and later scold the children for their love of Gamera, although one could argue she’s the sensible one here, just trying to evacuate her family. In fact, hers and Hiroshi’s father has a childlike, friendly inventor personality, leaving Miwako to be the one who takes charge and that even her father seems subservient to, so I guess that’s a win? By the end of the movie, her cute smile seems to have curiously affixed itself to Gamera instead, so make of that what you will.

The special effects are decent and fun, just like any other Gamera movie, so if you’re here for just that, there’s little to complain about. Setting the film during the 1970 World Expo is also a neat choice, even if, after we’re introduced to it at the beginning of the film, neither the humans nor the monsters do much interacting with anything recognizably expo-related (blame the contract that wouldn’t let them smash any of the buildings). We do get a final monster fight set near the Russian pavilion and the Tower of the Sun, and the human characters congregate inside a very fun and futuristic-looking building interior, however, unlike Kamogawa Sea World in the next film, Gamera vs. Zigra, it just seems like it was far more difficult to make this setting work (or perhaps it just doesn’t hold up as well for modern audiences who may lack the proper frame of reference to appreciate it).

Personally, and this may be the nitpick of all nitpicks, on first impression I find Jiger to be the most unrealistic and cheesy of all the Gamera monsters. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been familiar with the other Showa kaiju for far longer, my first viewing of this film having been earlier this year while I first saw the others decades ago, but there’s just something about a giant ceratopsian dinosaur floating through the air like a runaway Thanksgiving day parade balloon that kinda takes me out of my otherwise grounded movie about a jet-powered monster turtle. However, (*continuity goggles on*) it only takes a little imagination outside what’s shown in the film to envision Jiger as a speed-augmented durable blockade-breaker, primarily using those frill thrusters for triceratops-like charging attacks, with a wide-radius heat ray for clearing obstacles and quill launchers to take out any stragglers. Suction feet can also be used to brace against knockdowns, and she seems specifically designed to remove other kaiju from the equation by injecting debilitating parasites. Her ability to charge through water was likely utilized to great effect against Muan warships, possibly necessitating the switch to a fleet of primarily submarines— fine, fine! (*continuity goggles off*)

All of the gross/visceral related content warnings for a scene where scientists in the movie view footage of parasitic worms being surgically removed from an elephant’s trunk. The scene is fake and staged for the film, but it’s still probably the most horrifying thing in any Kaiju movie. Other than that, most of the going-inside-Gamera part of the movie is actually fairly tame, his insides are pretty alien-looking and more often just look like underwater caves, but I personally found the baby Jiger shooting glue out of its nose to be another gross-out moment. The effects surrounding this sequence, though, where Gamera’s arm and head become clear white and you can sort of see his bones, resemble something out of a cosmic horror story. Oh, and there’s also probably one of the most uncomfortably violent things to happen to Gamera, arrows getting shot through all his limbs and then a particularly long sequence while he struggles on his back trying to get them all out while crying in pain. And, last one I swear, I don’t know what kind of warning this is (self-harm?) but Gamera protects his hearing from a sound-based attack by… putting sharp objects down his ear canals.

Along with Viras, this is another strong contender for my least favorite Gamera film, not because I particularly or overtly dislike it but because it’s just kind of lacking in exceptional qualities that make me like other films more. That, and despite some of my favorite films still having specific scenes I prefer to look away from, the fact this movie has not just one, not just two of these, but additionally a whole, continuing special effect that’s pretty uncomfortable can sometimes hurt my enthusiasm to rewatch it. It’s dark and fairly horrific, but not in any meaningful or tasteful way like Revenge of Irys or most of vs. Barugon.

On a positive note, I do like that this film delivers one more ancient-civilization-related monster sandwiched between what would otherwise be three consecutive alien monsters at the tail end of mainline Showa. Also, the scene where Gamera tries to stop the statue’s excavation is a favorite of mine, both from special effects standpoint and as a character moment for Gamera. If we step back for a moment and exclude things from the Heisei series, only considering direct evidence in the Showa films, then it’s left unclear whether Gamera actually recognizes Barugon or even Gyaos as monsters from the past that are known enemies, but here it is abundantly clear that Gamera knows Jiger, if perhaps not the full extent of her powers and abilities.

Building on this, (*slips continuity goggles back on*) personally I headcanon Jiger as having been created by the Atlanteans, keeping her origins consistent with the other Daiei kaiju, but that she was eventually defeated and sealed away on Wester Island by the Muans, as is stated in this film – even if it’s probably trying to imply a society significantly less advanced than Toho’s take on the Muans. Adjusting for this, the shape of the Devil’s Whistle statue may be the Muans’ attempt at a future-proof warning a la “this is not a place of honor” and while this does bring up the question of why a civilization with access to their own kaiju couldn’t just kill Jiger and be done with it… that’s actually also consistent with the film. Gamera specifically picks up and carries away Jiger’s body, which is our hint that stabbing her in the brain may not be enough to keep her down for good, and that using the statue or some equivalent plan of Gamera’s is actually the only guaranteed way to keep her from coming back.

...probably don’t eat anything while watching this movie, just to be safe. Especially not gummy worms.

#gamera #gamera vs jiger #jiger #kitayama miwako #gamera march #rogue atlantean warbeast jiger #a lesbian reviews all the gamera movies

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dr-dale-atkins · 1 year

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Resiliency

We have all heard remarkable stories of individual resilience. I recently addressed a group where three of the other presenters shared what it took to get through significantly challenging times. They discussed multiple essentials. Some that keep showing up are: recognizing what is and is not within our control, problem solving skills, curiosity, flexibility, letting go of what does not work (even if it worked previously), support from others, keeping ourselves healthy, perspective, self-compassion, patience, appreciating opportunities for growth, and altering our perception of an event and its possible effect (“this is going to be the end of me”…as opposed to “this has the potential to tax me in ways yet unknown; but I will find a way through”). Resilience is something we can develop throughout our life; it can be transformative.

Often people define resilience as getting through a difficult, often traumatic time or event, and seeing how quickly we can bounce back. Is our goal to “bounce back?” It can be useful but, of course, when we bounce back, ”BACK” is never quite the same. For most of us, resilience looks more like picking ourselves up and dusting ourselves off in more of a plodding, slow-moving sojourn. So instead of a seeking to “bounce back” we attempt to “move forward." Why? Because things have changed. We have changed. As we move through an experience, we become different, perhaps transformed. Some of us may move forward easily after a setback, and others of us may plod ahead as we integrate a new chapter into our personal story.

At times, the road forward may be both easy and hard to navigate depending on where we are along our journey. As with any “road ahead” there will be surprises along the way. Clearly, we encounter unexpected obstacles. We can move through or around them. If we can do neither, we find creative ways to reach our goal…or we change the goal. Also, as we move through (or toward) something, we can make an effort to notice kind and joyful encounters that give us hope.

I like to imagine my life as a tapestry. As we know, a tapestry is “a piece of thick textile fabric with pictures or designs formed by weaving colored weft threads or by embroidering on canvas. The word is often used in reference to an intricate or complex combination of things or sequence of events” (Oxford Languages Dictionary).

All of the experiences of our life are woven into that tapestry. When a great challenge or disruptive event occurs in our lives, it may create a stain on the weave or even tear a gaping hole in it. Many things determine how we respond.

In response to a great challenge, some of us may leave that part of the tapestry alone for a while – or a long time – and put our focus on some other part of the tapestry of our life. This may involve a focus on a time to heal, the development of new skills, and becoming stronger.

For others, we need to do the opposite. That part of the tapestry needs to stay prominent. Finding ways to deal healthfully with the rupture is like finding ways to rework the tapestry, mending it, changing it so that the damaged part is worked back into the whole. This happens when we work with a challenge or trauma until we can healthfully deal with it in a way that allows us to feel comfortable with it as part of who we are.

I join those who say that our tapestry becomes even more special or beautiful. Like Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing cracked vases, the flaws are highlighted (often with gold); the belief is that flaws are beautiful and with repair, can give us a feeling of rebirth.

Some of us wonder if a particular trauma or difficult time defines us. Whether or not we are defined by an event is ultimately up to us. Our self-definition is a process that involves our deep consideration. It is easy to let ourselves be defined by others and by events. But how we define ourselves is related to our resilience. Experiencing tragedy does not preclude us from living constructive, well-integrated, healthy, and purposeful lives. In fact, there are many who believe that it is those very experiences of loss and challenge that are the foundation of such lives. Resilience is about thoughtfully, intentionally, carefully, and compassionately moving forward as we deal with and move through the difficulties of life.

Resilience is dependent on several factors and each of us has our own unique mix: personality traits, upbringing, genetics, health, attitude, environmental factors, and social support are just a few. The reality of true resilience is to gently weaving into our tapestry the experience, the loss, the sadness, the shock, the grief, the anger, the feeling of impotence and lack of control, along with the realizations, the joy, the patience, the tenderness, the connections, and the kindnesses. Then, we may find meaning in the experience which can help us find ways to use the lessons learned. These lessons can become part of our lifelong learning. We ask ourselves if we can find something meaningful amidst all of the stress and suffering. Do we see new possibilities that were not present (or obvious) before? Growth comes not from the difficulty or the traumatic event itself but from our struggle to cope and deal with its difficulty. As we begin a new year we can learn from our past challenges and integrate new ways of thinking about, and dealing with ongoing challenges as we prepare ourselves for new ones with a flexible, open frame of mind and heart.

Each of us has seen “times of trouble” where, as Paul McCartney suggests, we find a way to “Let It Be.” The inspiration for this song was a dream that Paul McCartney had about his late mother, Mary. Some of us find our inspiration to go through difficult times from those who are living or dead. Whatever is the source of our inspiration, may we keep ourselves motivated to go through challenging times with hope and compassion for ourselves and others.

#resiliency #resilience

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blogevaawrites · 3 years

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Keeping to the schedule

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, sad, marriage, divorce, smut

Summary: After seven years of being married, two daughters and a difficult divorce, they try to understand what went wrong and why they let that happen.

Part I Part II

I tried to process the whole information he was sharing and for the first time I believed I made a mistake. I saw it then, why he has been incredibly mad at me.

Sure, at first our separation was hard, but now he was looking happy, at least that’s what he shows me. I also was well, I still loved him but deep in my heart I thought it was the best for both of us. Now everything seems so wrong.

“There was another way. You could have told me everything, we could have dealt with all of that. You let this happen to us.” I said, full of resentment. His face was different then, he came here full of concern and then all what I was seeing was frustration.

“What are you talking about? You filed for divorce. You decided unilaterally when we were done. You ran away from our marriage at first obstacle. This is not my fucking blame.” His words were like a knife in my skin. I never took it like that. All what I could see was his unhappiness and coldness, in my heart I was doing the right thing.

Tears fell down through my cheeks uncontrollably, our seven years together seemed thrown away. I could feel him moving around the room, he was trying to calm down himself.

“I thought you were being distant because you blamed me for the infection, and then when anything seemed to change, I thought you weren’t happy and that you didn’t know how to leave me.” I said after I got my shit together. I saw him shaking his head, I wasn't sure if he wasn’t satisfied with my words or if he was answering the accusation.

He didn’t response right away, he took a few minutes to breathe loudly.

“I felt ashamed of being the one who needed help after what you went through.” He said without looking at me, he was staring the wall behind me. “I could have never ever blamed you for something like that.” He finished. His hand went to caress my face before pulling me to his embrace.

“I’m sorry” I babbled between tears.

I let myself cry my eyes out in his arms. I felt like I threw out our life because I couldn’t put aside my anger to talk our problems out , like I put my daughters through all of that because I got mad at my husband. I knew he wasn't innocent at all but guiltiness took over my whole body and couldn’t shake it off.

His hands ran all over my back and the back of my neck; the feeling of security invaded my body and the need of get out of my own thoughts grew.

He was so close to me that I couldn’t help kissing him.

His hands didn’t take long before holding my face closer to him, in the perfect position to let our tongues connect with each other.

Needing for air we broke the kiss but not for long, he kissed me again letting his hand go to hold me up from my butt. I just could follow his actions; I didn’t want to do anything else. He took me to our bedroom quickly, he sat at the edge of the bed making me straddle him.

Without leaving my mouth, he moved the strips of my shirt away from my shoulders, leaving my breast on full display for him. His hands played with my nipples before taking them in his mouth. I just could moan, moving my hips to find some friction against his bulge. He showed me his excitement pushing my hips even closer to him.

“I love you so much” he mumbled against my collarbone. His words made my noxious thoughts hunt my mind, I knew he loves me, I loved him too; it wasn’t the first time he said it after our divorce, but it was wrong now. I stood up quickly, he looked at me confused while I tried to put my shirt on again.

“What’s wrong?” he asked extending his arm to reach me.

“Who am I now? Your sidechick. Isn’t works in the other way? From a sidechick to a wife?” I said with a sardonic laugh, rubbing my eyes, trying to concentrate again.

He laughed, laying down on the bed. I looked at him completely horrified by his reaction. He took his phone from his jeans and scrolled around it for a few seconds before handing it to me.

It was a kind of a contract, an agreement to release seven pictures along with a misleading and suggestive headline.

“Meghan asked me because her team want her to be related to a certain kind of people.” He explained, I knew that this is part of his job, and he was used to it before we got together.

“It’s a pap walk.” I said understanding what he meant, I wasn’t familiar to it because he hadn’t done one since we met.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. That’s what I wanted to tell you when I came the last time.” He took my hand to bring me closer to him while he continued explaining “I shouldn’t have agreed to it, but I realized of it too late and I wanted to talk to you before the pictures got release. I didn’t want you to feel disappointed or mad and don’t worry! I already asked her and Meghan to shut down any rumor.” He guided my legs to straddle him again. “I tried to bail out of it after what happened between us, but I just couldn’t.”

“Okay.” I felt relieved. I wasn’t ready to see him with someone else, and thank God, he said he wasn’t ready to date again.

“Let’s just put you to sleep, okay?” He said caressing my head and taking my hair away from my face. He saw my face and quickly he explained to me his change of mind.

“The girls are with Scott, but he has a flight to catch in a couple hours. I need to pick them up. Okay?” he said forcing me to look at him. “Hey! Listen to me I will call you as soon as they fall sleep, will that be okay?” he asked again.

I nodded, getting up. I thought he was going to leave right away but he did not. He uncovered the bed for me to get in and laid next to me for a few minutes.

“You will always be the one. I promise.” He slurred against my temple, after kissing it.

He left the room without waiting for an answer, he must have thought I was sleeping because he tried not to make many noises.

After a few hours, my phone rang, and I didn’t wait a second to respond.

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to be up.” he said. I could hear him closing a door. I haven’t been in his new house, but I know his style very well, enough at least, to imagine it.

“I’m a light sleeper.”

“I know.” He let go a sad laugh. “I wanted to call you early, but Anna was interrogating my ass about my quick trip of tonight.” he said cooling off the environment.

“Oh! Yeah! She can be very tough, it’s probably a phase.” I said with a smile, remembering the last time I had a quick conversation with our neighbor, and she thought I was dating him.

“Yeah! I guess, but I think we should check on her, maybe she’s experiencing anxiety because of the changes or something like that. I’ve been reading about kids with divorced parents can suffers these kinds of things.” I knew he was just worried about them; I was too, but right then I felt guilty, I felt like I did this to them.

“Okay” I murmured.

I was excited about his call, I wanted to figure it out what we could do to save this, but maybe it was too late. We held on everything for so long, and now it’s probably just too late.

“What do you want to do?” he asked calmly, completely away from my thoughts.

“I don’t know.”

“Tomorrow my sister is going to the lake house. She wanted me to take the girls, but I could let them go with her and we could hang out. I don’t know, we could have a kind of a date and talk, we could try to sort this out.”

“Okay.”

“Is everything alright?” I knew he was asking because of my monosyllabic answers.

“Yes, I’m just kind of sleepy.” I didn’t want to talk anymore.

“Okay.” his voice sounded disappointed now. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

“I love you” he said after a few seconds quiet.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, I loved him, but it felt like I was accepting everything, it felt like I was saying “yes, I broke us, our family”.

“Me too”

I couldn’t say much else. I said bye and hung up.

He picked me up at 7:00 p.m, he told he wanted to spend the day with the girls because they wanted to spend the night over there with their cousins. We decided to just have a dinner at his house in order to have more privacy and also, we could be in a kind of neutral environment since he doesn’t feel it like home, and I don’t even know the house.

“You want a tour?” he asked as soon as we got in the house. I nodded and followed him through the house. I wasn’t wrong about this style, the house it was almost a copy of ours, and it felt weird.

“It’s very similar to ours, isn’t?” I said softly, I wasn’t sure how he was going to take it.

“Yeah, I know, Scott said the same thing, but I don’t know, I’m living here, and this has to be home now.” He said and all at once I felt the guiltiness coming back to my body, it was like I kicked him out of his home.

“We have your favorite for dinner” he said completely unaware of my harmful thoughts.

“Great.” I didn’t want to spoil any possible progress.

He took my hand guiding me to the dinning room. We had a nice dinner, just talking about our past, when we met, when I got pregnant with Anna, when we took her to Disney for the first time… we had a happy life.

We talked about everything, but we didn’t talk about why we let this happened to us. It was like we weren’t seeing the big fat elephant in the room. After the dinner he took me outside to have the dessert in front the fireplace.

“Are you okay?” he asked worried, I wasn’t being very talkative, and he knows me well enough to let it pass.

“Yes.” I said taking a spoon of mousse.

He took my dessert from my hands.

“You sure?” he asked, forcing me to look at him by my chin. I just could nod; I didn’t know what else to do.

He took my chin to his head, kissing me deeply. He got his body closer to mine and his hand went to hip and the other one didn’t leave the back of my neck. I kept to his leading until I felt his hand get under my dress, touching my naked thigh. I pushed him away from me softly. I stood up and rubbed my face trying to find the right words.

“This is not my fault.” I dopped. He smiled in confusion.

“Well, I guess it’s not, I started to kiss you, but…” he started to say.

“I didn’t break us. I may have been the one who made it official, but you decided not to tell me what was going on.” As I said that his eyes went dark. I knew he was ready to fight back, I have seen those eyes too many times.

“It wasn’t exactly an easy journey, I couldn’t…” he was accepting that he blamed me. His voice also changed; it wasn’t the same voice he used to used when we were married. This one was ironic, rough, and mean, the one he use since we were divorced.

“Mine wasn’t easy either! It wasn’t just a rough patch for me, Chris. I felt you were abandoning me, and you knew what I was feeling.” My eyes were getting wet, and I tried to do everything not to cry.

“How I could have known that?” he sounded irritated, not just because he was talking louder but he also because his head was resting in his hands.

“Because I told you, Chris! I asked you to come back home million of times, and you rather take our daughters to the other side of the world than come back home with your wife.” I said, recalling the last time I asked him when he was going to be back. He didn’t answer, instead of that he set a whole plan. He made Scott flight to Boston to pick up the girls and then take them to Japan where he was filming his fifth film of the year.

“I was working…” He said with a different voice.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” The air got cooler; we weren’t yelling anymore. He wasn’t looking at me when I started to walk out.

“I don’t think we can do this.” I said, ready to leave.

“We have to try it.” He caught my attention.

“Emma and Anna will be alright; they are fine now.” I’ve always thought that keeping kids in a unhappy marriage it’s way more dangerous that have a civilized divorce. I knew he was worried about them, but it wasn’t right.

“Not because of them, because I love you and I know you love me too.” He was right.

“Maybe it’s not enough anymore.”

“Yes, it is! It has to be! I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life and if it’s not with you I will be, don’t you see it? It’s been almost a year and I still thinking of you as my wife.” He stood up to get closer to me.

It broke my heart that he was right. I can’t imagine myself with another man, and it could be just a matter of time, but I honestly didn’t think so.

“How could this work? We’re going to end hating each other.” I said verbalizing one of my biggest fears.

“We won’t. I promise.” He said pulling my body to his arms.

@moonlacebeam @denisemarieangelina @lovebittenbyevans @popteest @aubageddon91 @hey-diddly-ho-neighborino @impala1967666 @firoozehmoon

#Chris Evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #chris evans imagine #chris evans smut #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x wife!reader #Smut #chris evans fluff #fluff #CHRIS EVANS ANGST #angst

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kuiperblog · 3 years

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The first 1% is always the hardest

Usually, the hardest part of acquiring a new skill is starting it for the first time.

When you’re at an intermediate level of progression, you can usually just increase your skill level by incrementing up the difficulty linearly. If you’re a novice weightlifter and your best overhead press is 125 lbs, try adding 5 lbs to the bar and see if you can overhead press 130 lbs. (If not, keep lifting 125 lbs every few days until that becomes “easy,” then challenge yourself with 130 lbs again.) If you can do 10 push-ups, you will probably reach the point where you can do 11 push-ups, and 12 push-ups, and 15 push-ups, and 25 push-ups, and so on. The hardest part of lifting is day 1, when you might be performing certain motions for the first time in your life, and challenging your body to work muscles that you didn’t even realize existed.

I imagine the same is true of other fitness regimens: once you’re able to run a 9 minute mile, you probably have what it takes to run a 8:30 mile, or a 8 minute mile, if you keep at it. Eventually you’ll hit a plateau and the limits of human performance, but the first day in the gym is always the hardest.

This is sort of how the trajectory of my writing career went. And having talked to artist friends, and musicians, it seems like all of them followed a similar trend: they found a thing, they stuck with it, and over time found themselves advancing along that path bit by bit. It became a hobby or a routine such that over time, by by investing a bit more time, or a bit more effort, or challenging themselves a tiny bit more, they got better at it. And over years, the compounding returns of that meant that the girl who got a drawing tablet at age 14 found that by the time she was 22 years old, she had enough artistic skill to make enough money from her art to make a living.

I think that in a lot of cases, people were able to start down that path of gradual self-improvement in part because they were able to somehow bypass the hardest part of it -- they blazed right through the initial difficulty without even realizing it. They couldn’t even really answer the question of “When did you start drawing,” because they’ve always been drawing since the days that they were just doodling with pencil in paper at school. Maybe they just really enjoyed playing outdoors as a kid, and played soccer because it was fun, and made the seamless transition to being a high school athlete. In my case, I spent a lot of time writing long-winded forum posts explaining the finer points of topics I was passionate about (which, at age 13, was mostly Pokemon and Final Fantasy), and somehow by my 20′s I had enough of a penchant for explaining things that I was able to parley that into a writing career (so I can get paid for my long-winded explanations of Pokemon-related topics).

The early days of learning to write kind of sucked and were difficult. (For starters, remember how unintuitive that QWERTY keyboard was the first time that you learned to type? Remember how painful it was to hunt-and-peck your way through sentences at an effective rate of <10 words per minute?) But my desire to talk about Pokemon on message boards overwhelmed any difficulty or “suckiness” involved with learning to express my ideas through text, and so the suckiness of those early days wasn’t really much of an obstacle.

More and more, I’ve come to believe that the most important part of learning a new skill is finding a way to get over that initial difficulty hump -- of finding a way to survive the first day, and then the first week, and then the first month, and eventually reach a point where inertia carries you forward on a gradual upward slope of self-improvement where you’re not even consciously thinking too hard about improvement; you just randomly muse to yourself one day, “Oh yeah, this barbell I’m picking up weighs about 100 lbs more than the barbell I was lifting a year ago. Fancy that.” The longer you keep at it, the easier it is to stick with it.

In many corners of the internet, there’s an oft-repeated adage that “Watching anime won’t teach you to speak or understand Japanese.” And sure, that’s obviously true on some level. If someone is thinking they’re going to spend a thousand hours watching subtitled anime, and then one day flip off the subtitles and be able to follow everything without missing a beat, they’re probably a bit delusional. If you want to actually achieve anything approaching Japanese fluency, you’re probably going to have to take a Japanese learning course, and engaged in spaced repetition to pick up and retain vocabulary, and all of the other stuff that goes into learning any language.

But I think that watching anime does provide you with one big advantage: it goes a long way toward helping you cross that “day 1″ hump. Because the first day is always the hardest. Going from 0 to 1 is harder than increasing your vocabulary by a few new words every week. Before you can get the compounding returns from incrementally improving at a skill, you have to have a starting principle. And I think that watching anime is actually quite good for that, because only knowing “weeaboo Japanese” will give you 20-30% of the vocabulary that’s included in your first couple Japanese lessons.

I’m speaking from personal experience: it’s incredibly heartening to go through a lesson and encounter words that I’m already familiar with. Even if my fluency in “weeaboo Japanese” only covers 10% of what’s introduced in a given lesson, having a head start gives me an intangible confidence boost which makes it easier for me to focus on and retain the other 90%.

I don’t want to understate the importance of that intangible confidence boost: a lot of language acquisition is getting comfortable with a language, and repeating something so much that you do it without even thinking about it. For example, in English, sometimes sometimes someone might ask you “how’s it going?” and you might answer “fine” before your brain has even consciously registered the meaning of what you were hearing, or saying. And I’m enough of a weeb that I can hear i tenki desu ne and immediately reflexively respond with sou desu ne, before my brain has even consciously registered the question being asked (sometimes taking several seconds to mentally backtrack and realize, “Oh right, the “i tenki” part means “nice weather.”). But years and years of listening and pattern recognition have taught me that when someone ends a sentence in desu ne? with the sort of inflection that says “I’m asking you a rhetorical question,” the proper response is probably sou desu ne, and my brain produces that response just as reflexively as it spits out “I’m doing fine, how about you?” any time someone asks “How’s it going?”)

One thing I’ve come to notice is that every lesson begins with some of some amount of review, giving you that spaced repetition, and providing context for the new words and concepts that the lesson is about to introduce, and generally provide a foundation for the new material. Day 1 is, by necessity, the exception -- how can you “review” material that you’ve never covered before? But for me, the day 1 lessons on how to say nihongo and arigato and watashi and anata were already “review” of topics that I picked up through years of being a weeb.

Besides that, there’s the fact that the structural elements of Japanese are something that my brain was naturally able to grok in a way that is intuitive to me after spending years listening to spoken Japanese even though most of it is contextual. (Like, I’m not sure when this happened, but at a certain point I think my brain just kind of learned, when listening to Japanese sentences, to approximate which parts were the verb and where certain clauses landed in the sentence, if only because when watching anime with subtitles you become consciously aware of when a character’s name appears in the dialog.) I’m not really consciously thinking about it, which kind of feels like the “natural” way to learn a language. (After all, it’s not as if native English speakers, as toddlers, consciously think to themselves, “Ah, it seems as though English typically follows a subject-verb-object grammar structure.” Kids just listen to adults speaking English and form sentences that way without really having to be formally taught.)

It’s highly likely that at some point in my internet career that I have at one point been the cynical message board poster telling someone that, contrary to their fantasies, watching anime isn’t going to help them learn Japanese in any real or material way, and if I’ve ever suggested that, it’s time for me to eat crow. Because while the advantage that “weeaboo-level Japanese” gives you might be small, and only help you on the first few days of Japanese class, those are the most important days, because the first 1% is always the hardest.

My familiarity with “weeaboo-level Japanese” has only given me one disadvantage, and that is that years of memes have poisoned my brain to the point where the first I was prompted with “say ‘excuse me’ in Japanese,” my brain (and mouth) immediately spat out “sorrymasen,” and I wish I could say it only happened once, but it wasn’t until around day 3 that I managed to fully train this habit out of myself.

#japanese vocabulary #learning japanese #japanese

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axoxtxhxh · 3 years

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Not Without Trying - Chapter 8

Summary: Levi and Reader’s friendship gets stronger as they start to realize they might have feelings for each other. Reader has a special request for Levi that may end up bringing them even closer.

LevixFem!Reader

Warnings: Medium(?) Sexuality

Word Count: ~ 3,900

A/N: I don’t know guys. I wasn’t going to post this until later in the week, but I’m feeling pretty good today and sort of wanted to get another chapter of this story out. I hope it doesn’t feel rushed.

“Are you sure you’re going to make it?” She asked, smiling.

“Of course I will make it!” He said, stunned. “I think you are vastly underestimating my skills.”

“Then why don’t we make this a little more interesting?” Y/N proposed. Levi’s eyes narrowed and the corner of his mouth lifted into a barely visible smile.

“What did you have in mind?” The smile growing.

“If you win, I will do all of your paperwork for a week—” She started.

“You know I don’t mind paperwork,” he interrupted.

“And… I will take over all duties related to your soldiers.” That perked him up a bit. Y/N knew how annoyed he got keeping tabs on Eren and the rest of them. He thought it over.

“But how do you know that’s what I want?” He put his hands in his pocket. He had a point. Y/N wasn’t really entirely sure that was the best reward for him.

“Okay,” she thought about it and nodded. “Okay, we will leave it open then.” She walked over and sat on the table in front of Levi. “If you win, you get to choose your reward, but if I win,” she leaned in really close to him, “I get to choose mine.” She smiled.

Levi was lost in her eyes. Not in the way where he couldn’t think anymore and became one of those blabbering idiots, but in the way where he wished he could capture this moment and look at it whenever he wanted. Y/N’s face so close to his, he never noticed just how magical she was.

She had a really great smile, one that made him occasionally catch himself smiling in response. Her skin always looking soft enough that he’d imagined running his fingers from her temple, down her cheeks and to her jaw. And those eyes. He’d told her so many times before that she shows too much emotion in her eyes, but now that the emotion and those eyes were directed at him… those beautiful eyes…

“Deal.” He agreed. They shook hands. This was going to be fun.

…..

Levi stood unable to believe what had happened, his chest rising and falling quickly. He was entirely out of breath. He looked down at Y/N who was laying on the ground, also completely out of breath. She did it, he thought. She actually beat me. He knew he wasn’t the best at everything, but he also wasn’t used to losing.

“YEEEEEEES!” Y/N was throwing her fists in the air and kicking her legs out of excitement. She actually did it! She leapt to her feet as everyone was running to them to congratulate her.

“Alright!” Levi yelled at everyone, “Get back to work!” The group started scattering and he walked towards Y/N carrying his gear as she did the same. “Let me know when you decide on your reward.” He started to walk away.

“I already know,” she called to him and he stopped walking, turning to look at her with a questioning look.

“Already?” Now he was feeling suspicious.

She walked towards him with a big smile on her face and her hands behind her back, that made him even more suspicious. She stopped uncomfortably close to him, but said nothing.

“Well don’t keep me waiting.” His curiosity getting the better of him in his tone.

Y/N held her hands behind her back knowing he wasn’t going to be okay with this request, but also knowing Levi, he would still do it no matter how difficult it was for him. She leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“I want you to take a bath with me.”

His whole body froze, eyes widening. What the hell kind of request was this??

“And I want it tonight.”

Y/N leaned back to look at him, knowing she would only have a short time to read his face before she needed to leave him with his thoughts. As she pulled away she could already see his cheeks turning pink and his mouth slightly opened.

“See you tonight then.” She walked past him to get back to the barracks.

It had been hours. The last time Y/N saw Levi was when she was making her reward request on the obstacle course. It’s already 8PM and everyone was finished with dinner and getting ready for bed. This was normally her favorite time of day. Everyone had gone to their rooms and everything was quiet in the mess hall. She had always volunteered for cleaning duty after dinner because of this. Even now being a captain, she still kept on with this responsibility just to enjoy the quiet. However, now she couldn’t seem to get out of her head.

As she wiped down the last couple tables, she had given up any hope of actually seeing him tonight. Maybe she actually had taken it too far. Maybe their relationship wasn’t where she thought it was. Maybe she made Levi so uncomfortable with the request that he can’t even look at her. I mean, even if Levi had just said no, I would have been okay with that, she thought, but now she worried that she might have put a permanent wrench in their relationship and was actually feeling pretty bad about it. She decided that after cleaning up, she would just go up and apologize to him. This didn’t have to be something that would break the bond she was so happy to have.

She nodded at her work and turned around to put the rag in the kitchen when she bumped into someone. Levi grabbed her arm to make sure she didn’t fall and tugged her a little closer, bringing his lips to her ear.

“My bathroom in 15 minutes.” This time it was Y/N’s turn to freeze. Her eyes wide looking into his with her mouth slightly open. Her breath hitched and she swallowed hard trying to blink away her flustered body.

“O-Okay…” she was barely audible as Levi was walking away. She finished what she was doing and then walked upstairs, grabbing her towel and some clothes to put on afterwards. Why am I so nervous? She wondered. This was her plan. Heck, this was her reward. She was the one that chose this and now that she was about to do it, she was nervous.

She made her way to Levi’s room and knocked on the door. He opened it before her knuckles left the wood. Y/N stepped back, eyes gazing over him. He was wet, dripping wet, wearing only a towel around his waist. He grabbed her arm and pulled her in the room, closing the door quickly behind her.

“Why are you wet?” Her eyes followed him as he picked up the clothes she dropped when he pulled her in.

“I took a bath first. I wanted to be clean before we bathed.” He stated obviously as if she should have known. “You can go ahead and get in, I need to finish something.”

“What could you possibly have to do?” She questioned, a cynical tone in her voice.

“My own shit.” He tossed her clothes at her. She laughed at him and walked to the bathroom.

All the bathrooms were clean, but Levi’s had to be the cleanest and the biggest after Erwin’s. You would probably be safer eating off of the floor in here than off the tables in the mess hall. She laughed to herself. She started undressing, placing her folded clothes on the counter.

Levi wasn’t sure how long to wait. He didn’t have anything to do, he just didn’t think he could be in the bathroom watching her undress. He walked to the bathroom and peeked through the door. She was nearly undressed. He rested his back against the wall and waited until he heard the sloshing of water, trying to clear his thoughts before going in.

He opened the door. He knew what to expect, but he couldn’t prepare himself for seeing her sitting there, cheeks turning pink from the heat, water barely covering her breasts.

“Your bathroom is way nicer than mine.” She smiled at him and looked around. “It looks bigger too.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s the exact same bathroom,” he stated.

“I don’t think so.” She watched him, he was sitting at the edge of the tub, dipping his fingers in. “Oh, let me give you some space.” She bent her legs and hugged her knees. Levi stepped in and removed his towel as he sat down, their knees bumping, legs touching under the water. Even with the tub being quite big and Levi not taking up that much space, it was still a pretty tight squeeze. They both looked around the bathroom, uncomfortably.

“Is the water warm enough?” Levi spoke up first.

“Yes.” Y/N smiled. “It’s perfect.”

“Good.”

They both went back to being silent, avoiding each other’s eyes, smiling if they did happen to catch each other looking.

“I didn’t mean for this to be so awkward.” She rested her head on her knees.

“Well then we’re off to a great start,” he said sarcastically and Y/N laughed.

“Very funny.”

“So then… why did you want this?”

“It’s hard for me to put into words.” She watched her finger swirl the water. “I guess I just wanted to feel closer to someone…” She looked at him. “Closer to you.”

“There are a shit ton of ways we—”

“But not this close.” She argued. “We’re both in a relatively vulnerable position, but we’re together. I like the intimacy of it.”

Levi stared at her remembering the last time he saw her in the bathtub. Just after Reiner left. She was right, she was completely exposed emotionally and it did bring them closer. They could have cooked together, sparred, had tea, none of it would bring them closer than what they’re doing now. Her reward wasn’t just taking a bath, her reward was being closer to him.

He reached over the side of the tub for the sponge, scooting back to give her more room and grabbed her foot, lifting her leg towards him.

“What are you—” She started then slipped back, head plunging under the water.

Levi leaned over her, helping her back up. Coughing up water, she leaned back against the tub. Levi sat back down in his corner and lifted her foot again. She quickly grabbed the side of the tub to hold herself up.

“What are you doing?” She demanded.

“I’m going to wash you.” He stated plainly.

Y/N’s heart stopped and her body froze. Wash me? She watched as he grabbed the sponge, filling it with warm water, and started at her foot. He moved to her ankle and calf, making sure to re-warm the sponge every so often. She started dipping herself a little lower in the water, cheeks heating up, happy that he was concentrating and didn’t notice her face.

This was an intimacy she had never experienced before, washing her was something he was doing selflessly, solely for her. Okay, definitely starting to feel a little turned on now. Is he still going?

Levi lifted her foot to rest it on his shoulder so he could reach her knee. What is wrong with me? Why is this making me go red? He started to move farther up her thigh, her foot slipping so her calf now rested on his shoulder. She swallowed hard, a lump forming in her throat and her eyes widening the further he went. How far is he going to go??

He was leaning over her now, her knee over his shoulder. He finally realized where he was and his hands froze. He looked at her and they stared at each other for a second before he quickly backed up and moved back down her leg to her foot, then switched legs.

“What made you want to be a captain?” He asked, moving up her leg again. This time paying more attention to where he is.

“Oh, you know? I just hated being scared.” She said. “At the time, it seemed like the best way to fight my fears.” He was back at her thigh now. She thought about her reasoning more. Yeah, she joined to fight her fears, but there was also another reason, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to bring it up, but she also didn’t want it to seem like she was lying. This was, after all, the time for them to get closer. “I uh… I also joined for another reason.”

“And what’s that?” He asked, not looking up.

“Um, actually… I joined because of Erwin.” He looked up at her, confused so she continued. “When I first joined the survey corps, it was because of Erwin. I sort of had this dumb crush on him and so I followed him. It’s really stupid, but I was young.” He continued washing her leg, but she could tell he was less focused and thinking more about what she said. “What about you?”

“I sort of just fell into it.” He grinned at his own joke. “Erwin was also a big part of it.” He put her leg down and started on her arms. “What if there weren’t titans?” He was kneeling in front of her, sponge on her neck. “What would you be doing?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I guess I’d just be a mom.”

“That’s stupid.” He criticized. “Turn around.”

She followed his request and then rested her head on her knees as he cleaned her back. “Me being a mom is stupid?”

“No, you’d be a great mom. But to just be a mom is a waste of your talents.” It was silent for a moment while she thought about it.

“Levi?”

“Hm?”

“Do you think I’m a good captain?” He put the sponge back outside the tub and rested his hands on her shoulders.

“You have the potential to be a great captain.”

“What should—What do I need to be great?” She asked trying to find the right words. He lowered his head a little so his mouth was closer to her ear.

“Start by knowing that you already are great.” He sat back up. “Do you want me to wash your hair?”

“Um, o—okay.” She reached up to take out the hair ties, but he stopped her and set her hands back in the water.

“I can do that.”

“It’s tightly—”

“I can do it.” He slowly pulled out the pins and ties, laying them on the floor next to the tub neatly until her hair came undone. Levi gently scooped water with his hands and poured it over Y/N’s hair. He did this a couple times before abandoning it and grabbing the small bowl he had next to the sponge.

“So what about you? What would you be doing if there weren’t any titans?” She waited as Levi leaned over the tub for shampoo then started lathering the soap in her hair.

“I, uh…” He was carefully choosing his words. “I’ve always wanted to open a tea shop.”

Y/N smiled. “Wow. That would suit you really well.” She got chills as he poured more warm water over her head. “What is it that you love so much about tea?”

He poured more water over her head, trying to think about how he would answer. He knew the reasons, but he didn’t really like to talk about it. Though now, it seemed fitting to share. He didn’t want to be closed off from Y/N. She was so open and honest with him, she never had a reason to lie or not share anything. He wanted to offer her that same transparency, but it was unfamiliar to him. Opening himself up to someone was never easy and most of the time he actively avoided it, but seeing her sit there in front of him, he looked into the water and saw her twiddling her toes. She wanted to be closer to him. And he wanted to be closer to her.

“It’s one of the things I remember about my mom.” He hated that even he could hear the uncertainty in his voice. “She used to drink tea a lot.” He noticed her toes stopped moving and he regretted answering, worried she was judging him. She is probably thinking about how ridiculous of a reason that is. That’s no reason for someone to like something. She’s probably thinking about how to respond to me without making me seem more unreasonable.

Y/N froze at his answer. He had never spoken about his mom or anyone that was in his life. He was actually opening up her and she had no idea how to respond. She wanted to comfort him so he would know that he could always talk to her about things, but she didn’t know what to say to convey that.

Just say something to him you dummy. She turned around to look at him, but instead of her eyes looking into his, they travelled down his body until she was nearly face-to-face with his fully exposed cock.

“Oh my—” She closed her eyes.

“Shit!” Levi ducked into the water.

“Sorry!” She turned back to face the other side of the tub, hoping he couldn’t see her red face. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were practically standing.”

“How else could I reach your head?” He questioned. “You’re like 8 feet tall.”

It was silent for a second, then Y/N started laughing. She continued hard, her laugh filling the bathroom. She turned around to face Levi, resting her back on the other side.

“It’s not that funny, you punk,” He said, smiling. He splashed her with the water.

She gasped and held a shocked look on her face until she splashed him with water, laughing again. They kept splashing each other until Levi was able to grab her arm and stop her. He kneeled over her and grabbed her other arm, holding them in place.

Their faces inches away from each other, he watched as her smile slowly faded. Her face covered in water, dripping down her cheeks and rolling past her jawline and down her neck. His face was also dripping. Each drop of water falling and landing on her cheeks and lips.

Y/N watched a drop of water roll from his temple, down his cheek and slowly build up with other droplets on his lips before it fell down and landed on her bottom lip. She peeked her tongue out, lightly running over her bottom lip and pulling the drop in her mouth.

Levi saw exactly what she did and knew he was in trouble. He could feel himself getting harder and if they continued, Y/N would soon feel it too. Without thinking, he leaned himself down a little, bringing their faces closer.

“Levi… I—” Y/N started as someone knocked on Levi’s office door and they both looked over to the open bathroom door, nothing stopping someone from opening his office door and seeing them. Realizing this at the same time, they both jumped up from the tub, Levi climbing out and grabbing his towel.

“Stay here.” He whispered, motioning to the tub and she ducked back in. He tied up his towel and went to his room, closing the bathroom door behind him.

Y/N couldn’t hear much of what was being said, but she could tell it was Erwin. Perfect, just what we need, the commander seeing us like this. Not that it’s a huge deal. We’re both adults and it’s not like Hange hasn’t suggested Levi and I start something multiple times, but then we have to explain what we are and honestly, what are we?

After a couple minutes Levi came back in. “I have to meet with Erwin. He’s giving me time to get dressed and I’m going to his office.” He handed Y/N her towel.

“Okay,” she stood up, wrapping it around her. “Do I need to be there also?”

“No.” He pulled on his pants. “It’s… It’s nothing.” They both finished getting dressed and Y/N grabbed all of her stuff.

“Levi…” she started, “Thank you… for this.”

“You won the race,” he said and gave her a smile that made her heart melt.

An hour later, Y/N was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t sleep. Her mind just kept going back to being in that bathtub with Levi. It feels like these last few months have gone by so fast. How quickly things have changed. To think back to when she first met Levi, if someone told her she would be bathing with him sometime down the line, and enjoying it? She chuckled to herself. She wondered what the chances were that he would have tried something on her in that tub. She definitely thought something might happen. Maybe that was wishful thinking. Perhaps at some point soon they could do it again, and maybe this time she would try something.

Thinking about the bath had her squeezing her thighs together. Levi was small and thin, but she really enjoyed looking at his body. His delicate hands, smooth chest, the way he looked at her when he was leaning in. She reached her hand down in between her legs, closing her eyes. She thought about how he looked with his hair all wet and how concentrated he was cleaning her with that sponge, wondering what it would be like to clean him with that sponge, imagining him sweaty, red in the face, panting her name.

Knock. Knock.

Damn it! She took a deep breath, slowly getting up out of bed before opening the door to see Levi standing there. Right away her face flushed, knowing he couldn’t read her thoughts, but also really hoping he couldn’t.

“Levi?” She held her arms feeling the cool breeze from the hallway.

“I… I just,” he was looking for the right words, “I was just checking on you.”

“What would be wrong with me?” She smiled, half laughing at his reasoning. He opened his mouth to explain, but couldn’t come up with anything. “Were you looking for an excuse to see me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He chuckled, letting out a puff of air.

“I would actually.” She leaned against the door. “Do you want to come in?”

Levi looked at Y/N and looked inside the room. He wanted to say yes, he so badly wanted to say yes. The bath being cut short left him wishing something more had happened. He looked at the bed, then back at Y/N. He knew what would happen if he came in. He wouldn’t even have to walk in with the plan of spending the night, but he knew it would happen. Just one look in Y/N’s eyes and he knew it would happen. She wanted it just as badly as he did, but now wasn’t the time.

“I can’t.” Disappointment in his own voice. “You should get some sleep. Now that I know you’re okay.”

“Sticking to that story, I see.” She smiled at him, though a little frustrated that he didn’t stay. He turned back and went to his room and Y/N got back in bed. Too frustrated to even pleasure herself anymore.

Levi stood in the hallway. He barely made it two steps before he stopped walking. What are you trying to do? She wanted you to come in. She offered you in. Just let what’s going to happen, happen. He clenched his fists, not knowing what he was fighting. They were friends, but this last month has taught him that even that could change. God, if Hange could see me now. He was getting angry with himself. Just go, you idiot! Before he realized what he was doing, he had knocked on her door again.

Taglist: @levisbebe @nefelimalfoy

#AOT #AOT x Reader #SNK x Reader #aot levi #snk Levi #Levi x reader #Not Without Trying #Levi imagine #AOT imagines #SNK imagines #Attack on Titan imagines #shinjeki no kyojin #levixreader #Levi ackerman #Levi Ackerman imagine #Levi Ackerman x reader #tw: sexuality

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juni-ravenhall · 3 years

Text

20 things i want really badly for sso to update / add

1. regularly scheduled main story updates. this is THE most important thing for a game that is quite story-based, but something sso has problems with. it makes us feel disconnected from the story and main characters and makes players lose interest, not knowing when we will get more story, or if the story will ever go anywhere.

2. work hard on fixing bugs and improving functionality - QA testing a lot more on their own. i know the game has a crappy engine and that theyre trying to improve stuff, but yeah, theres just a lot of stuff that needs to be worked on. (i think they should just move to a good engine. a huge investment, yes, but worth it in the long run with the potential benefits from selling a higher quality game and being able to work on it more smoothly?)

3. ability to use photomode and control the camera properly when our character sits down, at cafes, etc, basically just being able to go into photo mode at all times.

4. weather system. rain, snow, fog, etc. preferrably random aside from during quests that need specific weather ofc. possibly with an ability to turn off weather. optional: updated skies for more variety in colours and clouds and all that to go along with the weather.

5. new areas to be released of the ones that have already been hinted at for ages! north link goes where???????? ashland, etc. and also, ofc, for the new areas to be unique and interesting in design, and to bring related main story updates - or “big side stories” like the nightdust storyline etc. i am just longing to interact with npcs for long storylines again and see some drama :(

6. new tack and equipment, specifically more halters (simple not fancy ones, but cute and colour variety!), would be nice with lead rope too, and ofc blankets, stuff like this. but also more new good designs for tack in general and more colour options for saddlepads and legwraps, it drives me crazy that most pads are ugly and old and hard to match to anything. i want realistic pads with dark, vivid, pastel and natural colour options.

7. new mane and tail styles that are available for all horses (aside from too old models). it makes horses feel more individual and unique as well as giving us options to dress up our horses for photoshoots, eventing, etc.

8. updated player model with new animations and everything, diversity and good representation in the design options. facial expressions, blinking. i would also love if there were more animations for the player character to pet and groom the horses.

9. our own place to live (something theyve been working on but we dont know exactly where it stands) that we can also customise and decorate. i would prefer if we can choose where we live in the way we choose homestables, for example theres this little house between the rescue ranch and the lighthouse on south hoof that would be lovely to live in. id like to be able to choose wallpaper and flooring, curtains, stuff like that, and furniture. we should be able to invite ppl in as well. optional: the pet that’s in your saddlebag shows up in your home and you can pet it. also ability to choose music from lisa, miscreants, etc to play in our home. it would also be great if when it was raining outside you could hear it from inside your home and see it outside the window. oof actually when i say that now im imagining seeing city lights in the distance on a rainy evening looking out the window while acoustic sso music plays in the bg. can you tell how much i fantasise about living on jorvik by how long this paragraph got

10. customisation in our home stable, to be able to choose designs and colours of the interior, etc. i would love to be able to choose decorations like the ones we see during holidays (light strings etc). i would like the tack room and feed room to be more cluttered and stuff too for better realistic rp purposes.

11. more groundwork type of gameplay, like the working equitation races that have been added lately, but not just “races”. maybe possibility of training for xp in different ways than just finishing a race quickly enough. just realistic groundwork stuff.

12. dressage gameplay, and more arenas for it ofc.

13. for jumping courses to keep being better as theyve been lately! theyre more difficult and interesting now and the designs are better! i want for this to continue and im really enjoying the obstacle designs.

14. pasture - i’d love to see my horses run around and eat randomly out in the field without me controlling them, being able to go up and pet them or give them snacks. it would be cool if a paddock near the homestable was just used for this purpose (where you see your horses, but other players see their horses, etc, and we have the ability to hide other players). maybe it would show 3 of your horses at a time, out of the ones that are kept in the field in our stable manager.

15. new (and regularly added!) quests at south hoof rescue ranch, as well as other places where it makes sense like jorvik ranger quests, etc. stuff that doesn’t necessarily relate to the main storyline (but it might!) and is just fun dramatic quests, but it can also have character developments for hugh and others on south hoof, for jorvik ranger characters, etc. it could also be a way to introduce new pets and horses that are adoptable after rescue quests have been completed, as well as unlocking new equipment related to rescuing, rehabilitation and ranger work.

16. more shops, cafes and other things to do at jorvik city mall alongside the mall being updated in general, and to jorvik city which i really love and just hope aideen’s plaza and governor’s fall will also be updated with more shops etc. (add a dance club to the mall like the fort pinta disco! cafes with different aesthetics and menus, a fastfood restaurant, a fancy restaurant, a photo studio for professional horse photos and for our character, a cinema, a theatre stage like thalia’s idk, that whole fashion week catwalk thing, theres a lot of different things i think you can add aside from more shops which could also be added)

17. updates and additions to the cafe food menus and foods we can feed our horses, goes along with adding new shops and stuff too. seasonal event food being sold in cafes like gingerbread at christmas, chocolates on valentine’s.

18. make archaeology more fun - i still haven’t got all the things after years because i just can’t be bothered to do it, it’s too hard to find all the things and it’s not fun.

19. if fishing is going to stay at all, it needs to be improved and be fun.

20. overhaul of all the prices in the game so it makes sense. there are clothing and tack items that just make NO sense when you compare them to each other both in sc and js costs, or when you look at how meh quality they are. and, i dont think it’s reasonable to make individual equipment items (clothes or tack) cost more than like 50sc at the most (look at the real life cost when you buy sc!!! should we be paying that much for a low quality pixel sweater, really?). a good time to do this price overhaul, would be leading up to the player model update being released, since ppl will be buying lots of new clothes after that.

bonus: give us a ferry from south hoof to mistfall PLEASE. PLEASE

bonus 2: updates to every existing area and npc model, this is obvious and will most likely happen given enough time

bonus 3: 500000 pages of backstory and character development quests and bonding with mc scenes for all my favourite npcs. i would also like to take rowan on a date. thanks

#long post #text post #sso #star stable online

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kneipho · 3 years

Text

Hope Springs Eternal Part 1

I shivered

palpably in response to the stimulus of this auspicious winter morning as though I were a nervous acolyte on his first day of probation.

It was that benchmark event called my Birthday.

Like Christmas and Easter they have this annular ring in every sense.

Dates and their import. I was raised to have the healthiest respect for them.

A rendezvous of another kind awaited me later in the day that was seasonal in another sense.

But that just added a certain spring to my step.

Entering my eight decade on earth I dragged that motley crew of bones about me.

Like a hod carrier carting clusters of smokeless polish coal for some imperious client.

But the mind has immense powers waiting to be tapped.

A mineral rich load, a vein of resources with targeted thoughts that were the match for any prescription medicine.

Age is but a number and they can be sung in harmony with one’s universe or jarringly and at odds.

I’m a late in life poet with lines very gingerly crafted at this point in time.

My aunt Virginia who raised me when my mother died started the revolution in my thinking.

“Your mind should be a diary.

Always take note of what’s happening around you and when it happened.

Time, dates, everything.

It always comes in useful.”

She said in that nuanced tonic sol fa accent of hers.

Virginia instilled in me this most functional regard for which I am eternally grateful.

Her words about dates and time echoed continually through the recesses of mind to my ultimate benefit.

I had the required notepad and pen at hand to record anything I could sculpt into a creative ode.

As of yet

a title eluded me but maybe something lustrous, radiant romantic would be apt.

Quite a lot has been composed already much to my surprise.

Virginia’s advice and the embryonic epic planted fertile shoots in my head as I entered the kitchen.

I called it my domain.

Structured in an algebraic fashion with proximity dovetailing elegance it resembled a gallery.

The sink and shrouded tap heads my first port of call.

Stooping over archly I filled a gleaming white plastic jug kettle for that morale boosting first cup of tea.

As I sipped my tea the insights Virginia kindly bequeathed started flooding back.

Those condensed pearls of wisdom regarding time and it’s ambience.

Optimism and cheer were her other passions.

As well as paying attention.

“Focus on your environment. There is joy in abundance.” Virginia opined.

“A treasure trove awaits for those who concentrate.” She said.

“Where there is joy there’s hope.

Time and hope are intertwined.”

Never losing a chance to stress matters time-related.

Typical Virginia logic.

I’m taking it more seriously now as my respect for that statute of limitations called life expectancy approaches.

This lady’s pointers were manfully ingested as my tea stained cup wobbled in my right hand with it’s rivulet of veins.

The tea leaves scattered wildly in that microcosm of a drinking vessel had a fleeting fascination for me.

But as I scanned my surroundings with the eye of a keyhole surgeon I couldn’t help but notice something else.

The kaleidoscope of colour filling the french panel window in front of the kitchen sink.

Window drabness red carded with the zeal of a strict umpire dismissing an offending player.

My intuition told me to brace myself for events both surprising and anticipated .

This afternoon’s engagement is to the forefront of my mind and for good reason.

Think I’ll leave the cell phone behind.

Or did I hear it go off?

My device was of the more crowded cumbersome type with stubborn square buttons that even the more dexterous hand would find difficult to navigate.

The fingers slipped involuntarily like I sometimes did on those treacherous black ice patches.

“It’ll wait. Can’t really be that important.” I said to myself.

It was one of those phones that emitted this discordant buzz when some arrant nuisance rings at the most inopportune time which is often.

“No … face the morning and it’s canvas of brittle prospect.” Speaking with eloquent pride to myself, Hamilton Lake.

Walking outside on this my 78th birthday could be seen as an obstacle course.

I’ve always had a thing about posture.

The feet must be properly positioned and ready for anything unexpected.

The steps from my house could be awkward and angular with hidden crevices.

Those rugged pockmarks gouged out by the chisel of that tyrant called the elements.

The inherent beauty of garden plants, on the other hand,

purged whatever sluggishness there was in my frame.

Their spectral tint and gravity defying droop gave my eyes an optic fillip.

Green border shrubs and yellow rose petals bore a magic that defied description.

Albeit with telltale winter stains.

But the mindfulness of gait and knowing that slippage could be fatal moderated my enthusiasm about my settings.

Onto the yard and then the slope towards town with a propensity for the occasional wobble notwithstanding.

A downward denouement laced with grit and optimism.

The verges on the fringe of each footpath were covered with tufts of flickering grass cavorting about in a light south east breeze.

Haywire brambles whose overlapping tentacles were embedded in every mound or patch.

Star shaped brown leaves as veiled cover for those sharp spines sticking out.

The bane of every bulging blood vessel.

An ice clad descent that can either capsize or upend even the most determined stride.

Ice that most deceptive gloss that far too easily masks it’s latent perils.

Irrespective I continued unabashed.

The heart, portent of fragility, bruising barometer of one’s twilight moment can be an ally.

A motivator of noble human impulse.

My rainbow tipped walking stick was my elder compass.

A bearing locator for crazy paving pavement slabs.

Those structures fractured by peculiarities of sudden temperature with their plummets and summits!

But focus though impaired was motivated by a stoic forbearance imbued with fire in the soul.

Virginia’s velvet toned voice enjoined on us at home to watch the clouds.

The wispy contours, greyed over forms, wooly frills and outlines drifting overhead.

She also warned of their penchant for unleashing torrents which could spoil the daily strolls of even the most ernest of ramblers.

Today the clouds weaved their way across that azure blue path called the sky.

Curiously enough the self same clouds added to their repertoire by the graceful skirting of rooftops and faraway rock formations on the outskirts of town.

“Clouds are a heavenly canvas. A floating exhibit of the firmament.

They inspire poets, works of art.” Virginia said.

They were doing just that in my case with aplomb.

The planned mysterious link up was never lost sight of amid Virginia’s majestic musings.

“Use your imagination or your imagination will use you. The borders between make belief and the real world must always be maintained.

Imaginings of every kind can be triggered by just about anything familiar.

They can assume a life of their own.”

Wonderful counsel from a wonderful woman.

Virginia, however, unlike some philosophers had a marvelous sense of humor but abhorred the canned, corny variety.

Although such humor couldn’t always be avoided I was mindful of her sensitivity on the subject.

Meticulously taking out that pad again I scribbled a few more lines.

It’s beginning to fill up.

The only thing that remains is to have someone to dedicate it to.

The human eye, a person’s best camera turned to the leach like ivy carpet which clung with tenacity to the grey grained stone wall narrowly to my right.

Preserving their corporeal integrity and playing their part while going largely unobserved.

Fir trees, enclosed by pavement railings and gardens had an overwhelming stillness about them.

An unyielding rooted presence.

They too are age defiant when cultivated and getting the right supports.

These trees act as filters for the dust, smoke and fumed manifestations of the modern manufacturer.

Urban heat island effect offset and mitigated.

All these details forensically noted.

A sudden wakening ensued.

“Hi there, Hamilton. Lovely morning for a stroll.”

My inner space rightly interrupted for a different reality.

“Maybe we’ll meet later at one of your favourite spots or a coffee shop.”

Local teens, Sonia and Winfred with whom I regularly crossed paths and swopped pleasantries of a deeper heartfelt kind.

They alighted from their bicycles

“It’s your birthday today isn’t it?

You’d put people half your age and mine to shame.” The young lady Sonia said.

Winfred her boyfriend agreed.

“Such generosity I rarely encountered from my own group.” I thought to myself.

Sonia, a vibrant vivacious youth whose tactful airborne words shone as brightly as her arched angelic face.

Winfred, her boyfriend had a slightly bulging chin and matted haired that looked as if it had been constantly drenched.

His was a handsomeness harrowed out by high jinx and crack of dawn capers.

After a friendly departure this couple dashed off with a daring and delight so dirigere of the young.

As well as the young at heart.

–

Sunday Submission: @mantrabay

Photograph and short story by mantrabay copyright protected.

Part two will be submitted next week with your kind permission.

#mantrabay #submission sunday #submission #writers on tumblr #short story #written word #fiction #photographers on tumblr #photography #original photography #other #Hope Springs Eternal Part 1

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igerz · 2 years

Text

A Place Further than the Universe

January 13, 2022

Personal Connection

First of all, I would like to appreciate how wholesome this anime was. I really connected to a couple major themes I noticed:

The struggle to overcome fear of failure: Tamaki was very relatable - who wants to fail? It can be so embarrassing and discouraging. We have this other character - Shirase, who continues to fail, but never gives up - until she finally gets a deal to go to Antarctica with Yuzuki; I really think she is essential in inspiring Tamaki to venture out into the unknown.

The struggle of working hard to earn money: To put this into perspective, the amount that Shirase had saved up was equivalent to around 8,800 US dollars. She had to sacrifice so much to reach this amount of money - she had no friends partly because of how much she worked to save up - showing how difficult it was for her. It is a small job, but I used to work at Dunkin Donuts with a wage of around ten dollars an hour with morning shifts - and it was so irritating, repetitive, and rushed, and at the end of the shift, I would always be so tired. Seeing my paycheck was a both happy and painful experience - I was glad I earned some money, but also sad about how much I made after how much our boss put us to work. I can only imagine how Shirase felt.

Shirase & Tamaki

I find Shirase so inspirational; it makes me want to put everything into pursuing my dreams, no matter what the cost is. Additionally, I love Tamaki’s cheerful demeanor; and I related to her enjoyment of what could be considered crazy - when she was running away from the expedition members in Kabukicho. What people may find demanding or stressful (I am not referencing school though), I sometimes find entertaining - it makes life feel less boring. After all, in my opinion, life is only as boring as you make it (regarding your decisions); so if you think you’re leading a boring life, the answer is to simply not make it boring (this is a bit hilarious to write) - find something entertaining to do or make the mundane more fun by viewing or approaching it differently - essentially, you’re in charge of how “boring” your life is.

Connection To “Emancipation from Capitalism”:

From the very beginning of the anime, A Place Further than the Universe, it is evident that the world in which Shirase and Tamaki live in is a capitalistic one. In order to reach their dreams, the first obstacle they worry about is earning enough money. Additionally, the Antarctica exploration team members discussed how there might not even be enough money to fund the expedition - which again, is more evidence of a money-driven society. In the readings, “Emancipation from Capitalism”, the author addresses the three preconceived problems with post-capitalism, and addresses them with rebuttals; in short, I believe that the viewing connects to the reading by giving viewers a more personal experience with the potential problems of capitalism. This is done through highlighting Shirase’s financial struggles, and how much she sacrificed in order to make money - therefore, we get a more emotional connection as to why capitalism could be bad.

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idolish7rabbitchats · 3 years

Text

Ogami Banri: Birthday 2020 RabbitTV Part 2

Banri: Waaah…! This is that Chainana Town huh..!

Anesagi: Fufuh. You had work at the time so you didn’t come huh.

B: Yes. I left here to Tsumugi-san...

Okazaki: I also couldn’t take my time to look around then so I’m looking forward to it!

Tsumugi: We could visit here thanks to people’s kindness but, we should enjoy it with all our might…!

Everyone: Yeah…!

A: Hey, Takanashi-san. Where were we going first?

T: Um… Please wait a second. I’ll check the plan once more just in case...

O: I saw it countless times too. Everyone gathered this together.

B: ……? What are you doing? A&O&T: No, nothing!

B: ...I-I see…?

T: U-Um..! Let’s go there first! The picture booth!

B: Picture booth?

T: You can change into costumes and take a memorial picture!

B: Huh, are we changing?

A: Huh, isn’t it fine occasionally? Us, the managers get to wear gorgeous costumes.

O: When in Rome, do as the Romans do, right!

B: S-Somehow it seems different...

T: It’s a rare opportunity so Banri-san, let’s wear Chainana costumes!

B: EEEEEEH~?!

[After changing]

B: N-No way… Not just taking pictures, but to be wandering around the town wearing this…

O: It suits you perfectly, Oogami-san! Certainly, it suits you well with the long hair...

A: Ufufuh. Right. How about you grow out your hair too?

O: I-It definitely wouldn’t work…! And, having Yuki-kun with long hair is enough.

A: … Right, I imagined it a little but you’re better as you are now.

B: ...Tsumugi-san, why are you walking so far back?

T: B-Because… Even though I thought I’d wear a panda costume…

A: I definitely won’t forgive you for that.

O: It suits Takanashi-san too! The way you have your hair is pretty too!

T: Uu… I wish I had a nice figure like Anesagi-san...

A: Huh. Don’t say something to make me happy.

B: ...Somehow it feels like we went back to being students, it’s fun!

T: R-Really?!

B: Y-Yeah. Of course!

T: I’m glad. It’s worth giving up the panda!

B: That much…?

O: So then, next is… The palm reader! Let’s go!

A: ………..

T: A-Anesagi-san…? What happened? Was the fortunetelling result bad...?

A: ...My work luck was the best...

O: Isn’t that fine!

A: … But they told me that my love luck is difficult...

T: Anesagi-san...

O: ...Anesagi-san. People say that the love blazes up with obstacles. Please don’t be disappointed.

A: You… Sometimes you’re a good guy huh.

O: Yes. Because I get over lots of obstacles with my stomach medicine.

B: That has nothing to do with love...

O: No. An energy drink is like a lover to me.

T: I get it.

A: I get that.

B:...S-Somehow I’m a little tired! Let’s go to that shop and eat something sweet!

T: Ah, definitely! Exactly like the plan!

B: Plan?

T: Ah…! Um, I thought I wanted to walk around there!

A: R-Right! Hey, I want to hear your fortune results too so lets rest over here.

Everyone: It’s delicious~!

A: I didn’t know that I could eat soup dumplings while walking around…!

T: We had the image that we could only get it from restaurants huh!

O: This sesami dumpling is really hot and delicious too!

T: The panda bun is really soft…!

A: That’s nice! Let’s share.

B: Haah… The tea is delicious too. It warms me up nicely.

T: Banri-san, Okazaki-san, what fortunes did you receive earlier?

B: Of course, the work luck. They said I’m doing good but to be careful and work steadily.

O: Mine too. They said I will progress more from now on so I should work hard on each step...

A: That doesn’t sound attractive at all... What about Takanashi-san? Work luck too?

T: Yes..! They said that I’m still immature so I should work harder. But it also said a bright future is waiting!

O: ...Huh. Earlier, I got my fortune told next to Oogami-san but, it seemed there was something other than work too...

B: Eh?!

A: Wait, what?! Is that about something affair related?!

B: Hahah. So you could hear it huh.

T: Did you get a love luck one too?!

B: Hm. It’s a secret.

T: What?!

A: You put on airs huh!

O: ...If I’m right, the things I heard were...

B: Wait. It’s a secret between you and me right?

O: ...He looked into my eyes to fan service me...

A: Okazaki became a victim… Let’s leave, Takanashi-san. It's a pain when guys enter this mode.

T: Y-Yes…?

B: Hahah. I teased them too much.

B: Ah, looks like there’s a fun shop over there! Let’s try going!

#idolish seven #Idolish7 #tsumugi takanashi #Takanashi Tsumugi #ogami banri #banri ogami #idol #game #gaming #rabbit tv #birthday #birthday 2020 #translation #japanese #english #game app #idol game #Rhythm game

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k-rising · 4 years

Text

Jaehyun's birth chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol’s natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears in the birth chart. These are my interpretations of the signs and how they work based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and all interpretation and experiences within is valid. The point of this post is to entertain. [This idol has confirmed his birth time].

Pisces Rising

jaehyun goes with the flow

an a r t i s t

lover of peace

OPEN MINDED

he can be quiet and shy one day and the next one he’s VERY talkative and passionate

soft personality

sees the world the way he wants to see it

making decisions isn’t his strong point tbh

avoids cold, hard facts and harsh realities

doesn’t like organization or structure

heads in the clouds 24/7

has an irresistible charm that comes in a quiet way

SOFT AURA

both his appearance and mannerisms are usually quite intriguing to people

Aquarius Sun (12th house)

again… OPEN MINDED

values personal freedom !!

any attempt to box him in will fail, tho

VERY STUBBORN

VERY fixed in his opinions

jaehyun is curious

observant

doesn’t like when people are prejudice and bias

very clever

witty

values frankness

he’ll try to encourage his friends to be open and forthright

will treat people equally

being an aquarius makes him quirky and "different”

he also likes having friends who are like that!

tends to avoid the spotlight

even though he’s a public figure, he’ll try to hide his true self

shines when he serves others in some way

Square between Sun and Moon

jaehyun has an internal struggle between his needs and his wants :(

is VERY indecisive

questions himself often

he’s always aware of the opposing point of view

Opposition between Sun and Lilith

there’s a self-destructive side to him that should be managed by confronting his fears

Taurus Moon (2nd house)

calm

familiarity is important in this position !!

building a solid and comfortable home helps him to feel safe

DON’T TRY TO PUSH JAEHYUN INTO DOING SOMETHING HE DOESN’T WANT

STEADINESS

as I said before, tends to avoid messy or unpredictable situations, crises, and emotional displays

focusses on creating a reliable and secure life around him

VERY ROMANTIC

his affections are strong and deep

he’s sentimental and warm

tends to protect himself and his own interests

jaehyun will rarely make a move without first determining that the other person feels the same way about him

it takes A LOT to really get to him

he isn’t the most adaptable person when his routine is interrupted

his needs are strong but quite simple at the same time

LOVES LUXURY !!!

jaehyun is loyal and capable

might hold onto people quite tightly

often looking for admiration

can be quite dependent on others for positive feedback

tends to hold back and wait before expressing himself

Square between Moon and Venus

his romantic desires and his emotional needs tend to create tension

he may not know what he wants

uncomfortable with emotions

Trine between Moon and Neptune

good at working with groups

perceived as mysterious and glamorous

very imaginative

may have a victim complex

Aquarius Mercury (12th house)

has a quiet way of stirring others up

very quick to contradict others

offers a different perspective

enjoys intellectual debates

likes practical jokes

raising eyebrows is an habit for this placement too, tho ;)

very fair and objective

jaehyun may have difficulty expressing himself

he doesn’t talk much

speaks when he’s in the mood to do it

discrete

philosophical

he might be an excellent confidante

keeps secrets very well

prefers not to focus on facts

learn best when ideas are presented visually, emotionally or imaginatively

learning to communicate clearly is a challenge for jaehyun

this could help him to end his feelings of guilt, of being misunderstood, and to attracting unpleasant situations

Conjunction between Mercury and Venus

looks on the bright side of life

optimistic

likes beauty, art, travelling

good at talking

he's also good at charming others

Trine between Mercury and Mars

likes debates

has good judgment

very determined

has lots of energy when it comes to work

Conjunction between Mercury and Jupiter

has big ideas

is tolerant

has a strong sense of justice

he also has good judgement

enjoys literature and learning

will be successful socially

Sextile between Mercury and Saturn

is precise or strives to be mentally organized

has the patience to work towards a goal slowly but surely

Conjunction between Mercury and Uranus

perspicacious

ingenious

spontaneous in his friendships

knows how to turn situations around positively

Aquarius Venus (12th house)

he wants people to see him as unique, rebellious and a little provocative ;)

jaehyun is attractive when he’s acting a little aloof, tho

attracted to unusual or unconventional relationships

can appear quite standoffish at times

is threatened by restrictions of any kind

emotional people may be put off by his detached manner in love

he wants people to love him for his intellect !!

jaehyn values lovers who’re also good friends

pleasing jaehyun involves letting him know how interesting he is

he’s very proud of his unique ideas and visions

his partner has to dream along with him

even though he likes being in a relationship, jaehyun also needs his own space

he may have secret love affairs :0

it’s difficult for him to defining his boundaries tbh

but he can get hurt in love rather easily

can also feel used

attracted to people from all walks of life

finds attractive a person who has an unusual background or quirky personality

being openly affectionate and trusting others doesn't seem safe to him at all

jaehyun may feel his love won't be appreciated or it won’t be reciprocated

maybe he has fallen in love with many people who are quite unavailable to him

love and sacrifice is SO important for him

he values self-sacrifice and a giving attitude in a partner

jaehyun can be quite mysterious to people, because he keeps his romantic needs hidden

he isn't punishing himself, it's just that he doesn't feel worthy to be in a public relationship

Trine between Venus and Mars

jaehyun is a PASSIONATE lover

has a strong temperament

is driven by connection and enjoying each other's company

Conjunction between Venus and Jupiter

has good relations with his social circle

jaehyun may fall in love easily

he has a successful professional life :’)

people usually trust him

Conjunction between Venus and Uranus

again, scared of losing his liberty

marriage may not be for him

jaehyun has that little something that attracts others, tho

even though he’s romantic, he’s also a little detached or unpredictable

jaehyun can see through insincerity in others

in relationships, tolerance is the most important thing to him

his sexual preferences can be quite unconventional too

long-distance relationships might attract him

Libra Mars (7th house)

reflects about things before he acts

defends himself and others

has the need to balance everything !!

jaehyun always play innocent when he’s challenged

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

he doesn't want to be mean or unfair

he’s great at solving conflicts

he might like being dominant not only at work, but also in his relationships

there’s also a tendency to take other people’s actions too personally

having a partner makes him feel sure of who he is

jaehyun wants things to be reciprocate

Trine between Mars and Jupiter

jaehyun is jovial, frank and sincere

HE LIKES SPORTS AND DOING OUTDOORS ACTIVITIES

he may have many children or projects and ventures :)

he doesn’t think about failing, even though success isn’t as important to him as enjoyment and happiness

SO COMPETITIVE

Opposition between Mars and Saturn

jaehyun is often attracted to doing something if there are problems attached

likes to overcome obstacles

Trine between Mars and Uranus

impulsive but bold

very open to new methods and different ways of doing things

Trine between Mars and Neptune

his feelings are dominated by wisdom and intuition

likes odd people

can often use a gentle approach to pursuing his desires

Sextile between Mars and Pluto

AMBITIOUS

has a great capacity for work

will stick out with his plans to the end

committed and determined

possibly impatient when his members do things only halfway or half-heartedly

generally confident about his own talents

persistent when pursuing a goal

Aquarius Jupiter (11th house)

attracts good fortune when he is tolerant, fair, impartial and cooperative

wants to show unique perspective or skills

Conjunction between Jupiter and Uranus

he quickly sizes up a situation and knows what's going on at a glance

Aries Saturn (1st house)

he must learn to develop self-confidence

jaehyun can be self-conscious in new situations, especially when young

first reactions to new ideas or plans are somewhat negative

doesn’t speak too much

he doesn’t waste energy unnecessarily

GOOD MEMORY

Aquarius Uranus (11th house)

may get over excited at the start of a task that interests him

his friends can be extravagant, original and intellectual

Sextile between Uranus and Pluto

brings transformation and change into other people's lives

enters others lives unexpectedly and makes an impact

has a creative mind

Capricorn Neptune (11th house)

wants to belong to a group of like-minded people or to connect with a higher purpose

Sagittarius Pluto (9th house)

sexuality and love are idealized

Leo Lilith

VERY provocative, captivating and sexually appealing

jaehyun can get impatient when his needs aren’t satisfied

he may have felt bad for wanting attention or for seeking to be better than others

Virgo North Node (7th house)

his challenge in life is to be proactive and live an orderly and practical life

developing and following healthy and practical routines

needs to develop organization, promptness and pay attention to details

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭

likes a partner who has a wry sense of humor

someone who seems organized and analytical

his s/o may bring him an element of groundedness that migh seem attractive for jaehyun

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐂

unique

jaehyun wants a career that allows him to express his individuality and independence

capable of making a mark on his job

always ready to absorb new knowledge

enjoys exploring new ideas

𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐈𝐂

he might like talking to himself a lot

enjoys stimulating conversations with people who are close to him

jaehyun also seeks for mental activities to busy himself with

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐮𝐦 (𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡)

aquarius are known for being social, but with his 12th house stellium it makes him an introvert person

likes isolation

he can also have a pretty short fuse for dealing with people, tho

very sociable, but will isolate himself later

very chill on the exterior, but irritated on the inside

when he gets annoyed you will notice it

might have issues with embracing his emotions

doesn't like talking about how he really feels

tends to rationalize everything !!!

sooooo talented

loves music and arts so much

it takes a long time to fall in love, because he sees everyone in a friendly way

ones he finds the perfect lover, jaehyun will commit

humanitarian

#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct #nct 127 #jaehyun astrology #nct astrology #nct 127 astrology #jaehyun analysis #nct analysis #nct 127 analysis

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