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shay-puppitty · 3 years

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Just venting, don’t have to read

My sister is startin to stress me out... (long vent below if you really want to read it I guess)

I have ONE drawer (the bottom one) and a little corner between the sink and the wall in my bathroom to store things while she and her boyfriend have 3 drawers, a cupboard, and the rest of the counter in the bathroom (where they don’t even try to be orderly and neat so I have to neaten it up every night just so I have enough counter space to put things)

PLANTS ARE EVERYWHERE. She’s taken over the porch and keeps buying new plants just about every Sunday (one of her days off) while she is supposed to be finding a new place to live with her boyfriend

Her boyfriend has admitted to using MY MOUTHWASH instead of one of the TWO BOTTLES they share.

Her boyfriend has repeatedly gone into MY BEDROOM while I’m not home under the guise of turning off the light (right beside the door) but goes to my bed to grab the reversible octopus to put it in an angry face (idk what else he’s touched)

I had to move my lotions and skin products to MY BEDROOM just to keep them from using them (I had asked them not to use it before a time or two, but they used the fact I had borrowed a bit of theirs once to justify them using mine more than once or twice)

OH YEAH. Apparently some of my stuff wound up in one of their drawers, so instead of moving my stuff to the ONE DRAWER I HAVE she dumped all her tampons over my stuff. Didn’t try to defend herself or anything, just said “Well some of your stuff was in my drawer so I figured it would be alright if I put some of my stuff into yours.”

Her boyfriend now EXPECTS me to heat him up a little pizza anytime he is off of work and I am home, solely because I was kind enough to offer a few times if I saw him. And he’s stopped bothering to thank me for doing so unless I mention something about it.

I have asked her for FOUR MONTHS to help me set up a hair appointment because my hair had gotten long enough to start causing me a lot of dysphoria, but she only did so TODAY when I asked her the name of the place. She put two and two together and realized I was probably going to set it up myself or have someone else help me with it (I’ve never set up an appointment so I don’t know how to do it, don’t know the name of the place, or the number to the place).

She and her boyfriend make ZERO effort or attempt to use my pronouns (he/him) or even refer to me with “masculine identifiers.” The only time they seem to bother remembering is when they’re making some sort of under the radar joke about it or trying to “catch me slipping” since I’ve only just come out this year and am also getting used to being referred to as male.

I have to be quiet at night or else they “don’t get enough sleep” but they can get ready in the morning as loudly as they want even though they get up hours before I do and know I’m sleeping.

I had an intense breakdown (sobbing, hopelessness, distress, etc) a month ago because one of my dogs got sick again (diarrhea everywhere) and I was worried he’d taken a turn for the worse again and I’d have high vet bills to worry about again. I had to take all three dogs out so he could use the bathroom without me having to clean it up from everything and I spent 1.5 hours cleaning and breaking down. When she woke up and saw me sobbing in my room, I told her what happened and that I was very upset. All she told me was that I would have to bring the dogs back in as soon as I could because they’ll bark and could wake her and her boyfriend up where they wouldn’t get 3 MORE HOURS OF SLEEP.

The shed my mom cleaned out for me and started putting drywall up so I could make it my retreat or “creative studio” where I wouldn’t be bothered has practically been claimed by her and her boyfriend. They put a treadmill in the shed, their yoga stuff, their workout stuff, and even BUILT A PULL UP BAR OFF THE SIDE without my permission (they went to my mom and convinced her that they needed to use the shed for their stuff and didn’t even bother to make sure I’d be okay with it)

They expect my mom to cook them breakfast and MAKE THEM A MEAL for lunch despite her doing everything else in the house. (cleaning, her laundry, THEIR LAUNDRY, dinner, taking care of the horses, helping me with the dogs since she wakes up earlier and can put them out for me, taking care of the chickens, baking whatever dessert thing they dump on her to make, going to the gym {we’ll fuckin get to that} a few times a week, the vegetable garden tending, mowing the lawn, taking care of her trees and shrubs outside, and so much more I don’t even know about) They even get upset if she is out later during a shopping trip (I’ll get to that in a moment) and isn’t there to prepare dinner when they get home.

My sister is training for a marathon so won’t drive my mom to the gym on Sundays and Tuesdays (her days off) so my mom can’t go to the gym as often as she would like. Won’t even offer later in the day when she comes back.

They won’t even drive my mom around to do errands or grocery shopping. My mom used to ask her to drive her around to do one or two close by errands, but she guilt tripped my mom everytime so my mom is worried to ask for a ride in case it’s “too much errands” or “taking up her day off” or “putting too much pressure or something on her” (after her run she’ll literally just do a bit of yoga and workout then just sit in her room all day and that is coming from me who sits around in his room all day)

My dad recently passed, so my mom is kinda struggling for money right now, so what do they do? If they pick her up something from the store she forgot (even if it is FOR THEM) they tell her the price they paid and have her pay it back most of the time.

Today, ONE HOUR before my mom would usually start cooking dinner (she’s had something defrosting all day expecting them to come home for dinner) they tell her that they found this new trail they want to run on a few hours away so they won’t be staying for dinner and they won’t be home tonight. My mom was so angry about the short notice about it that she couldn’t even be angry anymore and just sat and stewed in her anger.

Since my dad passed away A FEW MONTHS AGO they’ve been getting bolder and it really feels like they are trying to push my mom and I out so they can stay here. My sister tried insisting on teaching my mom to drive, but didn’t give her many if any practice, but another sister of mine has been having mom drive every time they go out so she can be comfortable behind the wheel and get her license. My mom has a hard time seeing fault in any of her kids and probably hasn’t realized most of what’s going on around her because she’s been kept so busy. I’ve been forcing her to accept more “rent” money since I live with her and eat her food, started doing my own laundry (22 year old and couldn’t do laundry, I know terrible), offer to help in any way I can, insist on getting her things if she has sat down and needs something, put in the effort to clean up after myself if I use something in the kitchen, and buy her things she currently can’t afford the luxury of without letting her pay me back. But it feels like they are just using her and trying to take over the house slowly while my mom is down so she’ll become dependent on them and not want/be able to let them leave. I don’t know what to do about it except start being loud and show disapproval in what ways I can. I’m just so stressed about this whole thing and don’t know how to help or do anything about it...

#shay speaks #PERSONAL #misgendering mention?#family member death mention #stress #unfairness #negativity #honestly so fucking pissed about one of the later things because of you know what it is if you read #vent #personal life

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askjennie · 6 years

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Im worried about how I'll function in college. I dont have friends so I'm very standoffish and awkward. I've never dated anyone and I'm afraid I'll jump into the first relationship available and/or have sex. Being a virgin is important to me and I'm worried I'll have a moment of weakness. I know life is going to hit me in the face but how do I prepare for it?

There’s nothing wrong with being awkward, but if you come across as standoffish, and you want to make friends, you may have to work on coming across as more approachable. It might not be easy, but luckily, there are plenty of opportunities to practise interacting with people at college. Make an effort to smile, to introduce yourself, to ask people questions about themselves. Remember that everyone is going to be feeling a little nervous and awkward when they start college, and try to be kind. Offer to help someone find the library, or walk to a class that you share with someone together. Say yes to as many invitations as you can, and try to join a couple of clubs, so that you can meet people who you share a common interest with. If you’re not used to socialising, it can be hard, and it is okay to take some time for yourself - you don’t have to constantly surround yourself with people if it’s uncomfortable for you. But make an effort to do some socialising, and to be friendly to the people who you meet.

You will still have free will in college, and relationships and sex are conscious choices. Getting into a relationship doesn’t ‘just happen’. Sex doesn’t ‘just happen’. A series of conscious choices lead to those events, and if you don’t want them to happen, then you don’t have to make those choices. Something like that can’t just happen in one “moment of weakness”. Even if you had a moment where you flirted with someone, or kissed someone, or brought someone back to your apartment, you would still have an opportunity to decide not to have sex (or not to commit to a serious relationship with them). Multiple moments lead to sex, and romance, and you have the right to choose to stop at any point.

Being in college doesn’t mean you need to be in a relationship (in fact, the majority of college students tend to be single). If you’re concerned that you’ll jump into the first relationship available, then maybe you should decide to take dating off the table at first, at least while you settle in and things become less overwhelming. There’s no rush, and it’s fine to wait until you actually meet someone you like before you decide to start dating.

Here are some simple things you can do to prepare yourself:

Learn and practice some basic life skills, like cooking a few simple meals, doing laundry, cleaning a bathroom, budgeting your money, paying bills/rent, making a doctors appointment, anything that you might not have had to do by yourself yet. Ask your family or friends to help you learn, or just Google it - YouTube has tutorials for basically everything!

Take some time to brush up on sex & relationship education (I recommend Scarleteen as a good resource for this kind of stuff), and drugs & alcohol education (FRANK is a good resource for this kind of stuff), to help you make, informed, confident decisions about things that you may not have directly experienced before.

If you know what college you’re going to, do some research on what student support services they have (for mental health, study skills, financial advice, etc), what the town you’re going to live in is like, and what clubs and societies are available, so that you can plan to sign up for some activities to meet like-minded people.

Do any followers have advice for someone starting college? What do you wish you had known before you went?

#advice #ask me anything #college advice #sex education #life skills #school #advice blog #advice column #askjennie

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naturalhealthgodsway · 4 years

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Taming the Clock - Managing Household Chores

So far this quarter, we've been covering Taming the Clock. April's theme was taming the clock by keeping our word. Living in a way that shows the agreements you make matter, the appointments you make matter, the promises you make matter is huge toward any kind of change in how you manage your time. May's focus has been taming the clock around town although during COVID many of those subjects have been handled closer to home. June's theme will be taming the clock in the home from chores and mealtimes to bedtime routines, boundaries and unstructured play. As the coming Thursday to Wednesday week wraps up May and begins June, June will be a 5 themed-week month. We begin this cross-over week between months on the subject of chores. How do you handle chores in your home? Does one person do most of the chores? Do you divvy them up among those who want to help? Is it mandatory that all members have certain chores they do? Do you change them up? What age do you or did you begin introducing chores to your children? In my home, I began introducing household tasks to my kids when they began making messes. As babies, this meant holding them as they grabbed a toy, then carrying them over to the toy bin so they could drop the toy into the bin and then congratulating them on help me clean up their toys. My daughter was such an avid bookworm as a baby that I taught her to put her books back on the shelf before she could read the words. She loved books so much as a baby that one night, my not-yet-ex and I heard a commotion in the bedroom. My kids shared a room at that time, and my son was busy pulling all the books of the shelf and putting them into my daughter’s crib. She was in heaven! We very quickly figured out how to give them separate rooms after that! When they played in the plastics cupboard, they had to put all the plastics away when they were done. Little age-appropriate measures to begin instilling the concept that we put back what we bring out. When I became a single mother, these lessons took on more importance because now there was only one parent in the home. Putting toys away at bedtime was already a given, but getting things ready for the next day was now added to that routine. That became so much habit after awhile that to this day, when my kids work the next day now as young adults, they prep for it the night before as a matter of course. It’s just what they do. If you introduce them to helping you put away plastic-ware in the kitchen and helping you set the table at mealtimes, helping you fold wash-clothes and lighter clothing after the laundry is dry, and helping you put the groceries away, when they are pre-school and kindergarten, you will notice something. There will come a stage when suddenly, vacuuming the couch cushions is fun! Dusting the window sills is somehow fun for them! They are declaring they’ll wash the dishes tonight, or some other chore. Grab these moments quickly and use them to teach good cleaning habits! If they are very cerebral, go ahead and explain as you go about the why’s and hows of the task and the benefits to doing it every week. This phase unfortunately tends to pass for many kids, but it will have been a shortened learning curve for various chores that you can build on as they grow. I am reminded of a time when I was still going to college my kids were ages 4 and 6. I had come down with one heck of the flu so bad I could hardly walk or talk and spent most of my time in bed. My kids, bless their little hearts at the time, tried to help out by a) plugging in the kettle on my bed which meant me spilling it when I shifted, all over that end of the bed! b) trying to do the laundry and figuring the soak cycle meant it was done, sloshing sounds got me out of bed to discover sopping wet clothes being put in the dryer! Quickly, although with difficulty, averted that electrical fire. . . c) being informed (not freaked out, just calmly) that there had been a fire on the stove. I tore out of bed as fast as my wooziness and dizziness would let me, got into the kitchen to find my daughter on a chair at the stove and my son pointing to the sink. I lifted out a T-towel now sporting a huge hole in the middle. I spun around to be reassured by the kids that they got the fire out and dinner was almost ready! Oh my word! I will NEVER forget that day! In their young little minds, they were trying to help mom out (had become a single mom when they were 3 and 5 hardly 6 months earlier) By all means as a #singlemother, when your #kids hit grades 1 and 2, start divvying up the #household #chores. Click To TweetAt that age, they can fold all the laundry minus the bed sheets. They can take turns washing the dishes. They can learn how to wash windows and mirrors and counter tops. They can learn how to work the vacuum cleaner and how to wash the floors. They can learn how to cook simple nutritious meals and can begin finessing how their toys are put away. Some will prefer by colour, others by size, others by type. Once organized, take pictures of their work and be super proud of them to begin with. As they mature and grow, change up who does what so they get experience learning how to do all the household chores. This takes some of the load of all the chores off your own shoulders. Some days you will spend more time helping them and less time being productive elsewhere, but if you are ensuring they are doing as you are teaching, you are not robbing them of this important learning period. Eventually you will be able to remind them and do something else while they do their assigned chores. This will give you time to relax a moment, or handle that phone call, get that bill paid, write that blog article, have your devotions, etc.

Another tip for managing household chores is to take your own list of chores, and break them up into a weekly list. I share this concept with graduated high schoolers in my book: Mom’s Little Black Book: Godly Advice for the High School Graduate available on Amazon. Pull out a calendar or planner, and write in which days of the week you will do which chores. Your kids’ chores can be written in this way too if setting aside one day for chores doesn’t work in your home. Having one day just for chores works best if possible, as you all know that on that day, the house gets cleaned and only smaller chores like cooking, dishes, and putting away toys are ongoing. But if your schedule is such that there is no single day when the housework can be attacked, spread it out over the course of the week. This has worked well for me for many years! Be flexible! If one person’s schedule suddenly take s drastic shift and they can’t do their chore very well anymore, shuffle the chores so that someone else gets those chores instead. If someone develops a long term mobility issue or health problem that prevents them from doing another chore, do the chore shuffle again. You will be glad you taught them how to do all the chores by the time they hit their tweens, because now it’s just a matter of adjusting who does what and the chores continue to be handled.

One thing that I see many parents doing that can honestly be a source of stress for the single mom, is that of assigning allowances to chores, as if they are paying their kids to help around the house. Don’t do this!!! Never give the impression that one should be paid to keep house and home clean and healthy! Your kids are not paying you, and no one else is paying you either. If you have a dirty home, you will get sick and so will your kids. If you have a clean home, you will be healthier and so will your kids. Many single moms are living pay cheque to pay cheque, and get stressed out thinking their 10yr olds should be getting allowances. Allowances are seen as the only way to teach them money management. Here is where I am counter-cultural and my two young adults will tell you they were none the worse for it and actually can use their money better than many of their peers. Instead of allowances, include them in discussions around how to spend the grocery shopping budget. Include them in discussions about which bills will be paid this month and which will be put off till next month if your income is genuinely that tight. Mine was for quite awhile so this was quite seriously, me back then. No judgment if this is you too. When they are given gift money, teach them to spend part of it on what they need, part of it as a thank offering to God for the gift, and part of it to something they want. When I was a child, these took the form of three envelopes under the bed: Saving, giving, spending. The saving envelope was not to be spent until it had enough in it for what I wanted to buy. The giving envelope was to be emptied every Sunday at church. The spending envelope was for things I needed. I did not grow up with an allowance either, so these envelopes did not always have anything in them. Whenever my kids wanted to spend their money, we would discuss needs versus wants and why. But I never ever ever paid them to do chores. EVER! This is a bad precedence to set and can cause trouble down the road, especially when they get friends convincing them to sit you down and discuss a raise because Johnny two houses over gets paid this much to fold his laundry and you’re only paying this much! Not a wise move. You want the household chores to be done because you are family, not employees. Anyone who lives there pitches in with the chores simply because it is their home too. Everyone has a stakes in keeping house and home clean and reasonably tidy and workable. Give some thought to how you handle chores around your home, and if you are not already divying up the chores to your children, ask yourself why and reach out if this is something you could use a little help in. Simply use the free SPA session (single parent assessment) form to give me a shout and we’ll take a few minutes to go over your situation and how you can handle it better. If you decide you could use ongoing assistance for awhile, we will discuss payment for my services and get you started on a regular coaching schedule as we work toward workable daily routines in and around your particular home’s dynamic. Read the full article

#age-appropriate #allowance #children #chores #cleaning #experience #householdchores #managing #puttingtoysaway #singlemom #TamingtheClock #timetorest

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lieslayn · 6 years

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I want to be a better, more efficient human being. I want to be someone who is unafraid to call to make appointments for themselves. Vacuums their car regularly. Changes their fucking oil regularly... Doesn’t ever smoke cigarettes and doesn’t crave to. Volunteers at charities and participates in community activities. Makes a big brunch every Sunday and then takes their kids hiking afterward. Isn’t too tired to fold the laundry for once. Isn’t too tired all the time. Someone who knows when to stop drinking when they’re out with friends. Knits scarves and makes candles and cooks the best goddamn lasagna their family has ever tasted. Keeps a schedule. Cleans the windows and baseboards twice a year. Knows what to do ever. Is known for being unwaveringly kind and fair to everyone. Pays their bills on time and is not worried about it. Someone who knows how to respond appropriately and work through their anxieties. Washes their face every night.

Etc.

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jottingprosaist · 7 years

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I was talking with a friend about how I'm frustrated by my difficulties with completing all the tasks that are necessary in my daily life. Like, I can make three phone calls, load the dishwasher, and load the washing machine... but then I can't force myself to make an equally necessary fourth phone call, or put away the clean dishes, or fold my laundry. It's like I run out of motivation even though I *know* these things have to be done. I'm not too tired, I'm... just out of gas. "It bothers me because I don't think it's bad enough to be executive dysfunction," I said. "There's a voice in my head that says maybe I'm just lazy." "...That's textbook executive dysfunction," my friend said. I thought my experiences weren't bad enough to qualify. And, I mean, I don't have trouble picturing the necessary steps to do a task. I don't get overwhelmed by how big it is. I don't have all these other symptoms that people describe. I have HUGE bursts of energy and productivity that make me second-guess myself and start thinking I must not really have these problems at all. But then I did some googling, and... some pieces started clicking? Things I suck at: --Task Initiation (This is the big one. Sometimes I just cannot start things. Like... my taxes. *looks at papers on desk* When I was younger, part of my procrastination was definitely a defense against failure due to perfectionism, and having my self-worth tied into success at all things. But I've worked on that, I've fixed a lot of that mental flaw. I *know* I can do my taxes properly. I just have so much trouble starting. It's way worse when I'm already tired by other things. Like, I'm very functional at going to work, doing my job, paying my bills, etc. But when I come home, I feel like I've spent all my willpower doing necessary job things--conversations, tasks, socialization-- things I absolutely cannot ignore-- that I have no more willpower to do other things, which are also necessary but not highly mandated by "do it or you'll lose your job." On a weekday I'm lucky if I do the dishes and cook. Forget cleaning. I even have trouble doing things that I *like.* Responding to emails from friends? Responding to *nice comments on my fics*? You'd think it would be easy, but... it's not. And I hate it.) --Task Transitioning (To a less extreme degree. Usually I can switch easily. But when it comes to ending a pleasurable task (reading, internet) and starting work (driving to work, chores), my willpower is so weak. Scarily weak. The fact that I'm normally very functional is one of the things that makes me wonder if it's just laziness.) --Inability to Set Priorities (To a middling degree, but especially when combined with initiating tasks. I've definitely lost out on opportunities because I just didn't do the necessary things in time. I've lost job opportunities by not applying. I'm currently losing my chance to join the board of the local Pride organization because I can't make my brain say "THIS IS A PRIORITY, JUST WRITE THE DAMN APPLICATION." I'm ashamed of it. What's wrong with me?) --Organization (Normally I say, "Of course not! I'm very organized! I have schedules! Everything has a place in my life!" But... then I was reading the examples on this checklist. And... yeah, my unfolded laundry is constantly in a pile on the floor, until I've picked it up and worn it piece by piece. My desk gradually gets more and more cluttered because I never just put papers away where they belong-- at least until it gets so bad I have to make myself do a mass cleanup. When I was packing my belongings to move, I found a broken piece of crystal that I literally put down on my dresser when I was twelve years old and did not deal with for thirteen years, until I moved out. I dusted it, moved it to install my fish tank, and never decided what to do with this piece of rock.) --Time Management ("No!" I thought. "I pay my bills on time, I get to appointments, I can plan enough time to do tasks." Except... I can do those things because I put intense effort into scheduling. I have ten or more alarms on my phone every day. Not just when to get up, but when to leave the house for work, when to water the plants, when to go to derby practice. Without these alarms and Google Calendar, I would lose track of time and forget everything. And I'm often late to casual meetings, with my friends, that I don't schedule as rigorously. I... can't believe how many years I've been working around this. Is that normal?) --Sustained Attention (To a lesser degree. I can pay attention when my job demands it, or I like the task. But, usually in social situations, I struggle not to be distracted from conversation. Especially when I don't want to be having a conversation in the first place. And it's one of the things that makes me wonder, "Is this a problem or am I just being an asshole?") --Goal-Directed Persistence (*shoves twenty years worth of impulsively started and half-finished hobbies, books, and games under the bed* I LIKE THESE THINGS. WHY CAN'T I FOCUS ON THEM? (Answer: because I have to spend my energy on necessary tasks, and then find myself unable to finish or continue working on fun things. I think?) See also: every time I start cleaning something, start cooking, or start laundry, then have to go into another room, and forget entirely about the first task. If I never boil a pot dry, it'll be a goddamn miracle. As I write this, I realize that I left half an episode of Cold Case Files and a cup of tea sitting downstairs. AAAAND my roommate literally just walked into the room and asked, "What happened to this painting?" The painting that I knocked off the bathroom wall after showering today. I propped the broken frame up against the wall, intending to get it and glue it back together as soon as I was dressed... AND FORGOT ABOUT IT.) --Working Memory (To a middling extent. I can follow multi-step directions, but my memory has always been hit or miss. I forget names and important instructions unless I immediately repeat them to myself several times. I rely heavily on lists, schedules, and alarms to get things done.) So... yeah. When I pick things apart and list them like that, the problem looks more evident. I'm highly functional, and it's still "not that bad." There are some things in that list that make me think, "Wait, doesn't everybody have that problem? Don't I just need to suck it up and try harder?" But... it is *something.* I mean, I still don't know what to do about it. But it's something.

#everything happens #I'm sorry for the long post but I can't put in a cut on mobile #executive dysfunction #what do you mean not everybody needs these methods to get through their daily lives?

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timclymer · 5 years

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Balancing Pregnancy, Life, and Work

Have you ever walked into a room or sat at your desk and looked at the pile of crap that has to get done? As you’re standing there you wonder how in the world can two people, who feel like they are never home, accumulate that much laundry and dishes. I mean seriously. The amount of laundry that piles up in my house with just my husband and me is insane and I know it’s going to get worse when little Davie gets here. I’ve never been a superb house keeper but as I stared the third trimester in the face I knew I had to start changing habits now in order to make our lives easier once our lives get turned upside down with a newborn.

The first order of business? Catching up on all the housework I hadn’t done in the first trimester. For those that didn’t know the first trimester was rough. I was sick all the time and I had absolutely no energy. I was easily in bed by 7 and regularly took naps on my lunch break at work. The house was the absolute last thing on my radar and it showed. So here’s where I started putting my game plan together.

Step 1: De-clutter, Deep Clean, and Reorganize. I knew that I wanted to get rid of as much crap in the house as we possibly could but I also knew that if I didn’t break down the projects into more “bite-size” pieces that I wouldn’t get any of it done. So I made a “Nesting To Do List” where I broke down each room and what needed to be cleaned and/or replaced. I made a commitment to get one “big” project done a week. Whether it was going through my closet and dressers or decluttering our desk (that had become a catch all) I got something done each week. That has been such a tremendous help. Within a month my kitchen, laundry room, guest room, master bedroom and bathroom was gone through and cleaned. This included going through and getting rid of excess clothes, knick-knacks, pots, pans, dishes, shoes, bags, anything and everything I didn’t need or use often was donated. I washed down walls, cleaned ceiling fans, appliances, etc. This is Spring Cleaning on Crack. I swear to you it has made all the difference in the world and keeping it on the fridge helps keep it in the forefront of my mind. I’ll explain why here soon.

Step 2: Set a New Precedent. Start small don’t make your new “rule” CLEAN ALL THE THINGS EVERY DAY. You are setting yourself up for failure that way. I started by making sure dinner’s dishes did not sit in the sink over night. I made my sink of hot, soapy water before I started cooking and as I was finished with something I would put it in the sink. That way you avoid the “I’ll just let this soak here overnight.” Nope. No more of that Mama, it just creates more work for you tomorrow. The next thing I added was not allowing laundry to go more than one day without being folded and put away. This is so hard for me. I hate folding laundry with a passion but you know what I hate more? Spending 8+ hours cleaning and folding laundry. Yes, that has happened. Starting with smaller goals like those have made it easier to keep up with the overall picture.

Step 3: Take 15 minutes a day and pick-up the house. I’m able to go to each room and pick-up the clutter and put it where it needs to be. I move clothes to hampers, trash to the trash can, glasses to the sink, shoes to closets, etc. Now I have a smaller home so this may need to be adjusted for you. You may need to take 15 minutes a day and do one room, or one level. Any quick picker-uppers when you can will open up more time for you to enjoy on your actual days off.

Step 4: Become a Lister/Planner. I have a list for everything, especially right now. I invested in a Plum Paper planner and I absolutely love it. The fact that you can pick from a lot of pretty colors, add so many different options, personalize it, and choose your start month are all aspects that I love. I’ll be purchasing my second one next month. I got the vertical design which allows me to add notes to the left side of my planner. I keep calls I need to make, bills I need to pay that week, and any smaller tasks I need to handle by the end of the week on the left. I mark once I’ve paid a bill and it’s out of the account. I made the mistake of marking “paid” on a bill before it was out of the account and it threw us for a loop when it hit our account a couple days later. On the right side I have all of my appointments written down for the week or any other important meetings/dates. Every morning when I get to my desk I open that planner and see what needs to be handled. Even a reminder to return a Redbox comes in handy when prego brain decides to strike.

Step 5: Learn to say no. This has been so hard for me. I have always been go, go, go with roughly 10 different things going on at one time. Once you’re pregnant though you have to understand that you have new limitations on energy. Even on my best days so far I have a solid 3-4 hours of high productivity for house cleaning and then I’m done. I also have to keep this in mind in my work day. I am most productive first thing in the morning so if there is anything imperative that needs to happen I handle it as soon as I get in. Which brings me to my next point.

Step 6: Be honest. I am very lucky to work with a very family oriented company and in an office that strives to take exceptional care of their employees. Management knew about our fertility struggles and was very considerate as we maneuvered through diagnosis, doctors’ appointments, and the emotional roller coaster that followed. So when I found out I was pregnant I told them right away. I understand that many women are not afforded this luxury so as you navigate your own first trimester be sure and take care of your current responsibilities but I would suggest not taking on any new projects. I think it benefited me and my team greatly that everyone knew so early. They understood if I was feeling sick and would take care of the phone calls I had to jump off of in order to make it to the restroom. They also were considerate making sure that I got the early lunch if I needed my nap earlier or if I needed to eat sooner. Again, I’m very blessed with my work family.

Step 7: Remember to take a breath. This is going to be one of the most joyous and life changing events of your life. I know how it can overwhelm you. What needs to be done, what needs to be cleaned, what needs to be purchased, how your plans are being judged by other mothers, and everything in between. However, take the time to focus on the things you are most looking forward to as well. One thing I’m really excited about? Getting the car seat in my truck. It’s like an official “I’m a Mom” stamp.

Balancing being pregnant, house work, being a wife, and being a co-worker can become quite the circus act but with a little extra organization, planning, and elbow grease you’ll ease into the transition with only a couple bumps. Happy Pregnancy Mamas!

XOXO

Jenn

Source by Jenn Bays

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/balancing-pregnancy-life-and-work/ via Home Solutions on WordPress from Home Solutions FOREV https://homesolutionsforev.tumblr.com/post/187220629060 via Tim Clymer on Wordpress

#Home Solutions FOREV

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homesolutionsforev · 5 years

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Balancing Pregnancy, Life, and Work

XOXO

Jenn

Source by Jenn Bays

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/balancing-pregnancy-life-and-work/ via Home Solutions on WordPress

#Home Solutions Forev

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russellthornton · 6 years

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How to Take Care of Yourself as a Woman: 19 Ways to Power Yourself

When it comes to learning how to take care of yourself as a woman, there is quite a bit you can do to become the best version of yourself.

Women are often taught how to care for children and men, but when do you learn how to take care of yourself as a woman? NOW!

Taking care of yourself as a woman comes in many forms. From pampering to standing up for yourself and more. There are endless ways to care for yourself as a woman and become the best you that you can be.

What does it mean to take care of yourself as a woman?

Everyone needs to know how to care for themselves. We should know how to feed ourselves, clean, bathe; the basics. But as a woman, there is so much that goes into it. Yes, that can mean makeup, skincare, and hair styling, but there is more to it than that.

Taking care of yourself isn’t just surviving or looking good while doing it. When it comes to understanding how to take care of yourself as a woman, it is all about how you feel. [Read: Atypical secrets to owning your beautiful you!]

How to take care of yourself as a woman

There are many ways to take care of yourself as a woman that goes far beyond this list you’re about to read, but these are the things that have helped me from my teen years and far into womanhood. Hopefully, they’ll help you too.

These small tasks, relaxation techniques, and more will leave you feeling good, looking good, and being happier overall. The better you take care of you, the better everyone is.

#1 Sleep. Yes, this is part of human survival, but seriously, it is an important part of self care. We need a certain amount of sleep to function at our best ability. And staying on Instagram until two am and then waking up at six am to catch the train does not create a sustainable sleeping pattern.

I know how hard it is to get to bed the same time every single night; I rarely do it. But I try to make it at least within an hour or two every night so that I wake up refreshed rather than exhausted. I use lavender oil in a diffuser to help me relax and make sure my bedroom is as dark as possible so nothing wakes me. [Read: 20 habits of incredibly happy people]

#2 Drink water. This is another life necessity, but it does more than keep your hydrated. Not only does drinking a decent amount of water every day keep your skin clear and glowing, but it helps you function better. Whenever you feel thirsty, you are already slightly dehydrated. So mostly you are not drinking enough.

Ever since I started drinking more water daily I feel lighter, I have more energy, and just feel healthier overall.

#3 Make time for hobbies. I know you are busy. We all are. There is always something to do: go grocery shopping, do laundry, pay bills, etc. But make sure you are carving out some time for the things you love to do.

Reading, painting, cooking, whatever it may be, don’t put it on the back burner. This is something you enjoy doing, therefore it makes you happy. Self-care is about more than health, it is about your overall wellbeing. So do everything you can do to enjoy every minute. [Read: 8 daily habits to begin that will change your life]

#4 Make time for nothing. This may sound odd. Who wants to do nothing? Well, that is the whole point. Do you ever find yourself just sitting on your bed after a shower and before you know it, an hour went by and you have done nothing but sit and stare into space?

Well, your body needed that break from life. If you don’t just do nothing sometimes, you will stretch yourself too thin and be exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. Schedule time where you have nothing to do, and just do that.

#5 Go outside. You probably go outside every day, right? You walk to your car, you run errands, you take out the trash, but that does not count. We put up with so much crap each and every day. From misogyny to sexism and more, we deserve to breathe in some fresh air.

So head outside. Take a walk, eat lunch in the park, or have your morning coffee outside instead of sitting at the kitchen table scrolling through your phone. Being outside helps us slow down and enjoy nature. We need a step back from everything sometimes. [Read: 17 everyday ways to welcome positive energy into your life]

#6 Speak up. Self-care is not always about vacationing from the stresses of everyday life. That is only part of it. The other part is putting your foot down. If you truly want to know how to take care of yourself as a woman, when something looks or feels wrong, say something.

For too long, women have stayed quiet due to men’s power of us. Well, not anymore. If your boss treats or pays you differently than your male coworkers, say something. You are caring for yourself by believing you deserve better.

#7 Help out. The reason self-care gets a bad rep for being selfish is because people think it is all about you when in reality we care for ourselves so we are at our best or everyone else in our lives.

I noticed that when I go out of my way to help someone cross the street, hold the door open, or even just making sure I say please and thank you, it can improve how others perceive you and how you see yourself. Being polite and courteous to others makes you feel better. [Read: How to become a good citizen of the world]

#8 Be bold. For too long, women have been told we are bitchy if we are assertive. To put that idea to bed, we have to be sure that we continue to make a name for ourselves and get the respect we deserve.

Don’t let a man walk all over you at work or in a relationship. Believe in yourself and illustrate self-care by fighting for you.

#9 Talk to your doctor. As a matter of fact, just go to the doctor. Something women so often overlook is our physical health. Maybe we pick up cold medicine in winter and pop some vitamin C at the first sign of a runny nose, but making sure you are keeping up with your yearly appointments is vital.

If something feels off down there, don’t overlook it, assume it is normal, take care of it yourself, or Google it. Instead, make an appointment and talk to your doctor. Stay on top of your health from head to toe and be 100% honest with your doctor. Trust me, I know how awkward it is, but sharing everything you can think of can make all the difference.

#10 Wash your hair. We all love the miracle invention that is dry shampoo, but nothing makes you feel better than freshly washed hair. Whenever I’m feeling blah and just not confident, I wash my hair. There is no better feeling than clean shiny hair that is free from grease and build up.

Never underestimate the power of a shower.

#11 Get dressed up. Even if it is for no reason at all. It is so nice to put makeup on, style your hair, and try on your best outfit. Whether you have a hot date, a night with the girls, or are just heading to Target, get dressed up.

The confidence that getting dolled up gives you should not be ignored. [Read: 15 effortlessly easy steps to look beautiful and on-so-hot]

#12 Sing and dance like no one is watching. Whether you do it in the shower, while you get ready for work, or in the car belting out Adele at the top of your lungs is such a release of stress and tension. [Read: What makes you happy might surprise you]

#13 Indulge. Whether that be in food or reality TV, sometimes you need to veg out. We stick to diets, routines, workouts, and act like that is the only way, but sometimes we need to indulge. As I said, self-care is about happiness.

If a piece of chocolate cake, a pizza, and The Bachelor make you happy, go all in.

#14 Splurge once in a while. Saving money is important. We should be thinking about our futures and IRAs and taxes, but sometimes we deserve a little gift to us from us. Treat yourself.

Buy an overpriced sweater that will fall apart if you put it in the wash. Get that perfume you will stare at for years to come. Whatever catches your eye, you deserve it. [Read: 31 simple pleasures and moments of bliss we all overlook everyday]

#15 Ignore everyone. Low self-esteem can get in the way of even the best self-care routine. And learning to love yourself doesn’t happen overnight, but learning to ignore everyone else can.

And don’t only stop worrying about what others think of you, but take some time away from social media, your phone, and everyone. Being 100% alone for a bit is like taking a deep breath and can feel so freeing. [Read: Your guide to not giving a fuck and having more laughs]

#16 Put your health and mental health first. Anxiety and depression affect us all, even in the tiniest ways. So on top of your physical health, mental health is just as important, if not more so.

If you truly want to understand how to take care of yourself as a woman, take a mental health day, go to therapy, vent to a friend. Do whatever you have to do. No one should make you feel ashamed for having normal feelings and needing a break.

#17 Help out other women. As women, we can constantly feel like we are catching up. We do just as much if not more than men, but always seem to come second. Well, you are not alone in that frustration.

Learning how to take care of yourself as a woman includes taking care of other women. Help your coworkers, reach out to your girlfriends, and perk each other up. Women do their best together.

#18 Let things go. The same way you should stand up for yourself when something is wrong, learn how to let go when something is either beyond your control or not worth your energy. You can get upset when someone cuts you off and that can sit with you and fester all day, ultimately putting you in a crappy mood.

Instead, you can learn to just let it go, move on, and go on with your day with a smile on your face. Letting nonsense inconveniences ruin your whole day is just not worth it. [Read: 20 things to be grateful for that you don’t appreciate enough in life]

#19 Keep going. As Dory once very wisely said, “Just keep swimming.” Being women, we do not have some of the luxuries that men have. Although we deserve breaks to take time for ourselves, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is power through.

[Read: How to find happiness within yourself and manifest a better tomorrow]

Learning how to take care of yourself as a woman is an ongoing process that changes with age, life stages, and more, but as long as you do what makes you happy, you are doing it.

The post How to Take Care of Yourself as a Woman: 19 Ways to Power Yourself is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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bandbacktogether · 6 years

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Caregiver Resources

New Post has been published on https://www.bandbacktogether.com/resources/health-resources/caregiver-resources/

Caregiver Resources

What is a Caregiver?

Outside the working world, those most prone to burnout are caregivers. Caregivers are unpaid workers who devote themselves to the care a chronically ill or disabled person. The constant stress of caregiving can lead to burnout and damage both physical and mental help. If you are helping your family member or friend through treatment, you are a caregiver. This may mean helping with daily activities such as going to the doctor or making meals. It could also mean coordinating services and care. Or it may be giving emotional and spiritual support.

We define caregiver as the person who most often helps the person and is not paid to do so. Professional care providers are paid to give care. They tend to have more limited roles, and are not discussed in detail here. Caregivers may be partners, family members, or close friends. Most often, they’re not trained for the caregiver job. Many times, they’re the lifeline of the person who is ill.

Caregivers have many roles. These roles change as the patient’s needs change during and after treatment. Today a lot of care is done in outpatient treatment centers and doctors’ offices. This means that sicker people are being cared for at home.

As a caregiver, you have a huge influence – both positive and negative – on how the cancer patient deals with their illness. Your encouragement can help the patient stick with a demanding treatment plan and take other steps to get well, like eating healthy meals or getting enough rest.

A caregiver is a person who devotes themselves to help another person in need. Typically, the patients who require care have conditions such as cancer or dementia that prevent them from performing activities of daily living.

Caregivers provide support by doing grocery shopping and cooking, paying bills, giving medicine, assisting with bathing, using the toilet, dressing and eating.

Caregivers are part of the team

The caregiver is part of a care team made up of the patient, other family and friends, and the medical staff. As a caregiver, you may find yourself working closely with the care team, doing things like:

Giving drugs

Managing side effects

Reporting problems

Trying to keep other family members and friends informed of what’s happening

Helping to decide whether a treatment is working

As part of the team, you’ll help coordinate the patient’s care. Caregivers often have to keep track of prescriptions, know which tests are to be done, and make sure all involved doctors know what’s going on. They often find themselves preventing mix-ups and keeping track of paperwork.

A good caregiver is a vital health care resource. In many cases, the caregiver is the one person who knows everything that’s going on with the patient. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and take notes during doctor visits. Learn who the members of the care team are and know how to contact them. Getting the right support and information can help both you and your loved one with cancer.

Caregivers are problem solvers

The person with the disease faces many new challenges. As the caregiver you can help the patient deal with these challenges and get through any problems that come up.

For example, suppose the patient’s white blood counts drop, they develop a fever, and as a result, need to be in the hospital. This can be very upsetting and may be seen as a setback by the family and the patient. The caregiver can:

Help address their concerns by pointing out that the patient will need to be in the hospital for only a short time until antibiotic treatment has the infection under control.

Make sure that the patient has everything they need while in the hospital, including doctor’s prescriptions for non-cancer related medicines taken at home, such as thyroid or blood pressure medicine.

Call all the doctors involved in the patient’s care and tell them about the infection and that the patient is in the hospital.

Check that arrangements have been made for the patient to stay on the antibiotics at home or as an outpatient after leaving the hospital. If daily visits to the outpatient clinic for IV (intravenous) antibiotics are needed, the caregiver can coordinate people to help the patient get there and back each day.

These kinds of tasks may be too much for the patient to tackle while fighting infection. This kind of help is valuable. It’s a reassuring sign for the patient that this short-term problem can be managed and solved.

Caregivers take care of day-to-day tasks

There are other day-to-day tasks a caregiver might do. Here are a few things caregivers might help the person with cancer do, or in some cases even do for them:

Shop for and prepare food

Eat

Take medicines

Bathe, groom, and dress

Use the bathroom

Clean house and do laundry

Pay bills

Find emotional support

Get to and from doctor’s appointments, tests, and treatments

Manage medical problems at home

Coordinate cancer care

Decide when to seek health care or see a doctor for new problems

All of this work costs caregivers time and money. There may also be a cost to the caregiver’s health and well-being, but often the caregiver just keeps doing what needs to be done and may suffer in silence.

You may be glad to put the well-being of the person with the illness above your own well-being. And your love for this person may give you the energy and drive you need to help them through this difficult time. Still, no matter how you feel about it, caregiving is a hard job! And many caregivers are there for their loved one 24 hours a day for months or even years.

Caregivers involve the patient

Good communication with the person you are caring for is the most important part of your role. It may be hard for the patient to take part in daily planning and decision-making because they’re dealing with the physical, emotional, and social effects of illness and treatment. Your job is to involve the patient as much as possible, so they know they’re doing their part to get better. Here are some things you can try to do to keep the patient involved:

Help them live as normal a life as possible. To do this you might start by helping them decide what activities are most important. They may need to put aside those that are less important in order to do the things enjoyed the most.

Encourage them to share feelings and support their efforts to share. For instance, if they begin talking to you about their feelings about their illness, don’t change the subject. Listen and let them talk. You might want to share how you’re feeling, too.

Let the patient know you’re available, but don’t press issues. For example, if they’re trying to do something, such as dress themselves – they might be struggling, but it’s important for them to be able to do this. You may want to do it for them, but don’t. Let them decide when they need help.

Remember that people communicate in different ways. Try sharing by writing or by using gestures, expressions, or touch. Sometimes, it may be really hard to say what you’re feeling, but a gesture such as holding hands might show how you feel.

Take your cues from the person who is ill. Some people are very private while others will talk more about what they’re going through. Respect the person’s need to share or his need to remain quiet.

Be realistic and flexible about what you hope to talk about and agree on. You may need or want to talk, only to find that the patient doesn’t want to do it at that time.

Respect the need to be alone. Sometimes, we all need time alone – even you.

You might find that the person you’re caring for is acting different – angry, quiet and withdrawn, or just sad. If you think they aren’t talking to you because they want to spare your feelings, make sure they know that you are always open to listening, even about tough topics. If they keep acting very sad or withdrawn, you might want to talk to the cancer care team about what could be causing it and what can be done.

Long-distance caregiving

Caregiving at a distance can be even harder to do and can cost more, too. The cost of time, travel, phone calls, missed work, and out-of-pocket expenses are higher when the caregiver doesn’t live close to the person needing care. Sometimes paid “on-site” caregivers are needed, and this can be another large expense.

There’s often increased stress and greater feelings of guilt with long-distance caregiving. You may worry, “What if something happens and I can’t get there right away?” Or, “Who’s going to make sure they ______ (take their medicine, eat, don’t fall, etc.)?” And if you do have family living close to the person who is ill, you might feel guilty that the burden falls on them and you aren’t doing your share.

Along with this, there’s the guilt felt while you’re with the person with cancer: “Who’s going to ______ (pick up the kids from school, cook dinner, walk the dog, etc.) at home while I’m gone?”

You also may feel left out of decisions made by the person with cancer and those who do live nearby. But there are things you can do to help your loved one and take an active role in their care – even when you’re far away.

When you visit the patient check the house for safety issues like cluttered walkways, loose rugs, or bad lighting. Maybe grab bars in the bathroom or a shower seat would be helpful. Help make improvements or arrange for someone else to do so.

Is the house clean? Is the yard cared for? Is there food in the house? Arranging help for chores like these can be a big help to the person with cancer.

Get in touch with people who live near the person who is ill. This may be other family members, friends, neighbors, or the doctor. Call them. And make sure they know how to reach you.

Plan for a crisis. Who can you count on to check on your loved one any time, day or night?

Keep a list of all the medicines and treatments the patient is getting (include doses and schedules), and update it regularly.

Make sure the person who is ill can reach you and others who help with care. This might mean buying a cell phone for your loved one or arranging for a long distance plan on their land line phone. You can also program important numbers into their phones. This can serve as a phone number directory and help with speed dialing.

Use a website that lets people sign up for different jobs or tasks, such as Lotsa Helping Hands. Then you can keep an eye on what’s needed and what’s being done.

Try to plan your visits. Once you get there you may be overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done, but having a plan keeps you focused and less stressed. Talk to the patient ahead of time about what’s needed and set clear goals for your visit. And don’t forget to visit! Remember to just spend time with them and do some activities together – things that you both enjoy.

If other family members are doing most of the hands-on work, you can step in for them to give them some time off. Maybe you can plan a visit so they can go on vacation or just take a much-needed break.

From a distance, it may be hard to feel that what you’re doing is enough or important. But sometimes the distant caregiver is the one who ties things together and keeps everything organized. You may be the one called because you know what to do or where to go for help when something is needed or a problem comes up.

Coping With Changing Roles:

Whether you’re younger or older, you may find yourself in a new role as a caregiver. You may have been an active part of someone’s life before, but perhaps now that they are a patient, the way you support them is different. It may be in a way in which you haven’t had much experience, or in a way that feels more intense than before. Even though caregiving may feel new to you now, many caregivers say that they learn more as they go through their loved one’s experience. Common situations that they describe:

Patients may only feel comfortable with a spouse or partner taking care of them

Caregivers with children struggle to take care of a parent too

Parents may have a hard time accepting help from their adult children

Caregivers find it hard to balance taking care of a loved one with job responsibilities

Adult children with diseases may not want to rely on their parents for care

Caregivers may have health problems themselves, making it physically and emotionally hard to take care of someone else

Whatever your roles are now, it’s very common to feel confused and stressed at this time. If you can, try to share your feelings with others or a join support group. Or you may choose to seek help from a counselor.

What is Caregiver Stress?

Giving care and support during this time can be a challenge. Many caregivers put their own needs and feelings aside to focus on the person with cancer. This can be hard to maintain for a long time, and it’s not good for your health. The stress can have both physical and psychological effects. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of others. It’s important for everyone that you give care to you.

Caregiver stress is the emotional and physical strain that caregiving causes and it may take many forms. Caregiver stress can cause depression and anxiety, and long-term medical issues. Caregivers can be more susceptible to illnesses, have slower wound healing, as well as be at a higher risk for mental decline.

Those suffering caregiver stress may feel:

Frustrated and angry

Guilty, because they do not feel the care they provide is good enough.

Lonely because caregiving has impacted social life.

Tired all the time.

Overwhelmed

Easily irritable or angered

Constantly worried

Physically ill, with frequent complaints like headaches, aches, and other problems

Weaker immune system (poor ability to fight off illness)

Sleep problems

Slower healing of wounds

Higher blood pressure

Changes in appetite or weight

Headaches

Anxiety, depression, or other mood changes

Don’t Forget To Ask for Help

Many caregivers say that, looking back, they took too much upon themselves. Or they wish they had asked for help from friends or family sooner. Take an honest look at what you can and can’t do. What things do you need or want to do yourself? What tasks can you turn over or share with people? Be willing to let go of things that others can help you do. Some examples may be:

Helping with chores, such as cooking, cleaning, shopping, or yard work

Don’t be afraid to ask family members for financial help if necessary.

Taking care of the kids or picking them up from school or activities

Driving your loved one to appointments or picking up medicines

Being the contact person to keep others updated

Keep a running list of ways others can help and when help is offered, give specific manners in which they can help.

Similarly, when people offer to help, say “YES!”. Let them take care of you if you are not able to let them care for your loved one.

Accepting help from others isn’t always easy. But remember that getting help for yourself can also help your loved one—you may stay healthier, your loved one may feel less guilty about all the things that you’re doing, some of your helpers may offer useful skills and have extra time to give you.

Be Prepared for Some People Not to Help

When someone has a serious illness, friends and family often reach out to help. And sometimes people you don’t know very well also want to give you a hand. But it’s important to realize that there are others who may not be able to help you. You might wonder why someone wouldn’t offer to help you or your family when you’re dealing with so much. Some common reasons are:

Some people may be coping with their own problems

Some may not have the time

They are afraid of the illness or may have already had a bad experience with it. They don’t want to get involved and feel pain all over again

Some people believe it’s best to keep a distance when people are struggling

Sometimes people don’t realize how hard things really are for you. Or they don’t understand that you need help unless you ask them for it directly

Some people feel awkward because they don’t know how to show they care

If someone isn’t giving you the help you need, you may want to talk to them and explain your needs. Or you can just let it go. But if the relationship is important, you may want to tell the person how you feel. This can help prevent resentment or stress from building up. These feelings could hurt your relationship in the long run.

How To Prevent or Relieve Caregiver Stress:

All family caregivers need support. But you may feel that your needs aren’t important right now since you’re not the cancer patient. Or that there’s no time left for yourself. You may be so used to taking care of someone else that it’s hard for you to change focus. But caring for your own needs, hopes, and desires can give you the strength you need to carry on.

Make Time for Yourself

Find Time to Relax. Take at least 15-30 minutes each day to do something for yourself. For example, try to make time for a nap, exercise, yard work, a hobby, watching tv or a movie, or whatever you find relaxing. Do gentle exercises, such as stretching or yoga. Or, take deep breaths or just sit still for a minute.

Don’t Neglect Your Personal Life. Cut back on personal activities, but do not cut them out entirely. For example, look for easy ways to connect with friends.

Keep Up Your Routine. If you can, try to keep doing some of your regular activities. If you don’t, studies show that it can increase the stress you feel. You may have to do things at a different time of day or for less time than you normally would, but try to still do them.

Ask for Help. Find larger chunks of “off-duty” time by asking for help. Find things others can do or arrange for you, such as appointments or errands.

Understand your Feelings

Giving yourself an outlet for your own thoughts and feelings is important. Think about what would help lift your spirits. Would talking with others help ease your load? Or would you rather have quiet time by yourself? Maybe you need both, depending on what’s going on in your life. It’s helpful for you and others to know what you need.

Identify things that may be changed and those which cannot.

Don’t dismiss feelings as “just stress” as caregiver stress can cause future problems down the line.

It is okay to grieve the situation; you’ve lost something, too.

You may also be able to find some comfort by reading the emotions section of our website.

Join a Support Group

Support groups can meet in person, by phone, or online. They may help you gain new insights into what is happening, get ideas about how to cope, and help you know that you’re not alone. In a support group, people may talk about their feelings, trade advice, and try to help others who are dealing with the same kinds of issues. Some people like to go and just listen. And others prefer not to join support groups at all. Some people aren’t comfortable with this kind of sharing.

If you can’t find a group in your area, try a support group online. Some caregivers say websites with support groups have helped them a lot.

Ask the doctors office if they have any ideas for community support resources.

Learn More about The Illness

Sometimes understanding your cancer patient’s medical situation can make you feel more confident and in control. For example, you may want to know more about his stage of cancer. It may help you to know what to expect during treatment, such as the tests and procedures that will be done, as well as the side effects that will result.

See if your local hospital has classes to teach caregivers to cope with the demands of caregiving for a person with a specific illness.

Be open to assistive and adaptive technologies that may help your loved one regain some independence.

Educate yourself about your loved one’s condition, and talk with your loved one’s medical team.

Talk to Others about What You’re Going Through

Studies show that talking with other people about what you’re dealing with is very important to most caregivers. It’s especially helpful when you feel overwhelmed or want to say things that you can’t say to your loved one. Try to find someone you can really open up to about your feelings or fears.

Stay in touch with family and friends.

Write a post for Band Back Together. Connect with a greater community, and know that “we are none of us alone”.

You may want to talk with someone outside your inner circle. Some caregivers find it helpful to talk to a counselor, such as a social worker, psychologist, or leader in their faith or spiritual community. These types of experts may be able to help you talk about things that you don’t feel you can talk about with friends or family. They can also help you find ways to express your feelings and learn ways to cope that you hadn’t thought of before.

Connect with Your Loved One

Illness may bring you and your loved one closer together than ever before. Often people become closer as they face challenges together. If you can, take time to share special moments with one another. Try to gain strength from all you are going through together, and what you have dealt with so far. This may help you move toward the future with a positive outlook and feelings of hope.

Write in a Journal

Research shows that writing or journaling can help relieve negative thoughts and feelings. And it may actually help improve your own health. You might write about your most stressful experiences. Or you may want to express your deepest thoughts and feelings. You can also write about things that make you feel good, such as a pretty day or a kind coworker or friend.

Look for the Positive

It can be hard finding positive moments when you’re busy caregiving. It also can be hard to adjust to your role as a caregiver. Caregivers say that looking for the good things in life and feeling gratitude help them feel better. And know that it’s okay to laugh, even when your loved one is in treatment. In fact, it’s healthy. Laughter releases tension and makes you feel better. Keeping your sense of humor in trying times is a good coping skill.

Be Thankful

You may feel thankful that you can be there for your loved one. You may be glad for a chance to do something positive and give to another person in a way you never knew you could. Some caregivers feel that they’ve been given the chance to build or strengthen a relationship. This doesn’t mean that caregiving is easy or stress-free. But finding meaning in caregiving can make it easier to manage.

Day To Day

Find out -and use – caregiving resources within your community.

Stand up for your rights as a caregiver. You are a caregiver, not a doormat or a servant.

Set realistic goals and break larger tasks down to smaller steps.

Remember, there are no “perfect caregivers.”

Say no to any requests that may be draining.

Listen to your gut; trust your instincts.

Caring for Your Body

You may find yourself so busy and concerned about your loved one that you don’t pay attention to your own physical health. But it’s very important that you take care of your health, too. Doing so will give you strength to help others. It’s important to:

Stay up-to-date with your medical needs Keep up with your own checkups, screenings, and other appointments.

Caregiving is a job – you’ve earned a break. Give yourself a respite.

Watch for signs of depression or anxiety Stress can cause many different feelings or body changes. But if they last for more than two weeks, talk to your doctor.

Take your medicine as prescribed Ask your doctor to give you a large prescription to save trips to the pharmacy. Find out if your grocery store or pharmacy delivers.

Try to eat healthy meals Eating well will help you keep up your strength. If your loved one is in the hospital or has long doctor’s appointments, bring easy-to-prepare food from home. For example, sandwiches, salads, or packaged foods and canned meats fit easily into a lunch container.

Get enough rest Listening to soft music or doing breathing exercises may help you fall asleep. Short naps can energize you if you aren’t getting enough sleep. Be sure to talk with your doctor if lack of sleep becomes an ongoing problem.

Exercise Walking, swimming, running, or bike riding are only a few ways to get your body moving. Any kind of exercise (including working in the garden, cleaning, mowing, or going up stairs) can help you keep your body healthy. Finding at least 15-30 minutes a day to exercise may make you feel better and help manage your stress.

New stresses and daily demands often add to any health problems caregivers already have. And if you are sick or have an injury that requires you to be careful, it’s even more important that you take care of yourself. Here are some changes caregivers often have:

How Do I Take A Break?

In-home Respite Care. Someone will come into your house to provide care for your loved one while you take a break. This can range from companionship to nursing services.

Adult Daycare Centers – many local churches or community centers provide daycare centers for the elderly and children. During the day, these groups meet together and share activities.

Short-Term Nursing Homes can be used for occasional nursing care while you are out of town for a couple of weeks.

Day Hospitals – some hospitals provide medical care for patients during the daytime and the patient returns home at night.

Additional Caregiver Resources:

Administration on Aging – information about age and aging including links to local programs to aid elders and their caregivers.

US National Respite Locator – helps parents, family caregivers, and professionals find respite services in their state and local area to match their specific needs

National Family Caregivers Association – educates, supports, empowers and speaks up for the more than 65 million Americans who care for loved ones with a chronic illness or disability or the frailties of old age

Eldercare Locator is a nationwide service that connects older Americans and their caregivers with information on senior services. From the US Administration on Aging.

Family Caregiver Alliance – links and information aimed specifically at caregivers.

Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services – comprehensive lists of services available put together by the US Department of Health and Human Services.

American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) Foundation is the charitable division of the AARP. It provides information for how to set up a caregiving plan for your loved one.

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jumpingpools · 6 years

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Money saving tips/hacks for broke hoes

Here’s what I’ve learned about saving money. From one new adult to another, from one broke hoe to another, let’s share the knowledge!

Medical:

buy off brand over the counter drugs-cheaper and work just as well

Prescriptions (in the US) don’t cost the same everywhere (I didn’t know this at first). CVS might be more expensive than RITE Aid vise versa and etc. so compare prices first. My doctor told me about the app “GoodRX” it tells the price of your drugs at different places and has coupons!

If you can’t afford your medical bills, ask for a payment plan, hospitals/doctors’ offices usually will give one to you without interest (a bit difficult to get though).

I’m pretty sure you can stay on your parent’s medical insurance until you’re 25 in the US

Food: Depending on where you live, food can be pricey:

Buy fresh food when it’s in season. check farmer’s markets, might be cheaper

Don’t go out to eat!! Cooking is a pain sometimes but you’ll save so much! (yes, even if you order off the dollar menu)

Eat healthy on a budget:

Smoothies: bananas are cheap. Frozen berries in the grocery store are generally cheap along with other frozen fruits, and milk. BAM you got a smoothie AND vitamins

Rice: make some rice: put cooked rice in a skillet with some olive oil and season with a sauce of some kind (soy etc). Add an egg or two and chopped onions (both cheap). BAM you got a filling dinner/lunch

Beans/other dry goods. Look I hate beans, I don’t eat them, but you could.

Tofu: You might be like “ew so squishy and gross” but like it’s like mushrooms where it absorbs flavors and pretty easy to cook. Google recipes. Tofu has a lot of protein and usually costs around a dollar. A hell of a lot cheaper than meat.

Eat less meat. Meat is expensive!! Depending on where you live, seafood may be a much cheaper option. or eggs (Or tofu!!)

Pasta sides: and other instant cheap foods. Pastasides is about a dollar and has lots of vitamins and fills you up. (not paid by them to advertise)

Grow your own food!!! I know you’re like “bitch I’m not a farmer” or “I live in an apartment” but like trust me, you got a window you got some food. Peppers and tomatoes are generally easy to grow outside in a yard/deck/porch. Just water those thirsty hoes. Mint, cilantro and other spices are easy to grow inside. Make a food trade with family/friends that also grow their own things. Example: I give mint to my neighbor and they give me basil. A tomato plant is like generally ~$2 and makes around 15 tomatoes a season so you get a good deal.

Microwave a kitchen sponge (completely wet) for 2 minutes to cleanse it.

Make your own bread/pasta/pasteries/cookies/soup. Homemade tastes better anyways and is cheaper than store bought. Ask an elder for their recipes (my grammy makes some DANK bread). Or google it. Youtube knows all.

Canned goods! They last a long time and are tasty. Canned pasta sauce is cheaper. Canned veggies and soups are a good idea too. Canned meat (ew) but cheap!

Pot luck with friends. Get a variety of foods!

Look yall, if you’re going to go out on the town, if you’re going to hit up the bars, pregame you dummies! Get drunk on liquor at your place or sneak that shit in in your purse like idk but bar drinks are expensive, like only buy one or two when you’re out.

Coupons! google coupons for things while you shop, screen shot those hoes and scan them at check out. There’s probably apps to help too idk.

Buy damaged foods (cans, boxes) make sure they’re still safe first. My grocery store has a section of damaged goods that’s much cheaper and still good!

Invest in a rice cooker and a crockpot. Both of which you can get used. They are very useful.

THRIFT STORES!!!!

Furniture, appliances, kitchen supplies, washers, dryers, clothes, bags, outdoor supplies. Like anything you can think of they probably sell it. Habitat Restore and Goodwill are common, but local ones might be cheaper. Buying second hand lets you SAVE THAT MONEY. Also some places of worship sometimes have thrift stores so check those out too. Make Macklemore proud.

Look online like on FB for resale pages in your area! I got a couch for $30! I got a coffee table for free!!

Other:

Cancel subscriptions. No Netflix, spotify, hulu etc. I know, it sucks, but in the long run it drains that money. Ask a friend to share one or ask someone with a cable subscription to have their login and password to watch things on the channel’s website like nbc or fox etc. You can usually watch a few free episodes on their sites anyways. Consider watching foreign shows on Dramafever or Viki (full seasons free and legal) bc of copy write laws and such.

Put your toothbrush in the dishwasher to clean it

Hang dry clothes to save money on electric and keep the clothes in better condition

LED lightbulbs!! They last forever and save so so much on electric!

If the weather is nice, open windows and turn off AC/heat

If work/shops are close, BIKE! I bike 3 miles to work and I have great quads and save so much on gas, especially during rush hour.

Public transportation: not available in a lot of areas, but if it is, probably cheaper than driving.

If you can’t bike, MOPED! Invest in a moped. Mopeds are cheaper than cars and so so so much better on gas! Also fun. Much more common outside of the US

Just graduated college/highschool etc? Live at home if you can. I know it feels LAME but like you can save up so much! offer to pay rent/buy food/take care of siblings (a lot of parents will say not to). Leave the nest after a year if you can. Don’t stay too long.

Hydrogen Peroxide gets blood out of anything

Use bar soap instead of liquid (much cheaper)

Leave a bar soap in closets to make them smell nice instead of using sprays etc.

Make your own laundry detergent!! HERE! Or HERE! There are so many recipes and options. You will save so much money! If you’re not down for that, buy liquid soap instead of pods bc it’s cheaper.

Make a list of wants and needs. Needs will be food etc. Make sure to prioritize.

Make your own furniture. You might be like “bitch what? I ain’t a carpenter.” like GURL neither am I but I can nail two things together and make a small table or shelves for a few bucks. Places that sell wood will usually cut it for you so like just nail those woods and make ya something good.

Side jobs: babysitting, dog walking, lawn mowing. Like do you have a skill? Sell it! Tutoring, rock carving, painting, like it doesn’t matter, sell it. Post yo skillz online like fb pages and such and make that dough gurl. (Meet only in public places, stay safe).

The dollar store pregnancy test works just as well as the expensive ones in CVS.

When you travel stay in a hostel. They’re fun bc you meet lots of cool people and a hell of a lot cheaper than a hotel. Or camp. That’s cheap too and yay nature.

Use rags/old T-shirts instead of paper towels. Throw them in the wash and reuse. Also use them instead of Swiffer pads.

Dilute your dish and hand soaps.

Learn how to change your own car oil. Youtube guys, it’s great. Or find a friend that can and like give them food in return.

Library! Libraries sometimes have movies and TV shows you can rent! Or you know, just books too. If you want to keep the book, buy used online/locally

Go to your bank and make them explain EVERYTHING to you. Like do you have a credit card or debit card? Make them explain how it all works, every little thing about it. How to pay on time, how loans work, what a CD is, best ways to invest etc. You may need to make an appointment. Don’t feel dumb or shy, tell them you want to be responsible and they will respect that.

Alright that’s all I got. Add your tips too so we can share that knowledge! Help out your fellow broke hoes!

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psychotherapyconsultants · 6 years

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Are You Ready to ‘Adult’?

The commonly used word, ‘adult,’ has had a makeover in recent years. A person is considered a chronological adult at the age of 18 or 21, depending on when they could vote, drink legally or be drafted. The concept of ‘adulting,’ spills over into the realm of behavior. It could take the form of holding down a job, keeping appointments, being in integrity with one’s word, and paying the bills on time. There are moments when even the most responsible among us desire someone else who is ‘adultier,’ to take charge. This 59-year-old recovering Type A, overachiever with a solid work ethic would love nothing better some days than to hang out in a blanket fort, wearing footie pajamas, and indulging in mint chocolate chip ice cream.

I was taught responsibility at an early age. Somewhere around four or five, I helped do laundry, by sorting and folding socks that my mother would dump onto the dining room table. Toasty and warm, fresh from the dryer. To this day, I enjoy doing laundry, in part because it is a Zen activity, and because it reminds me of my mom. In addition, over the years, I was asked to set and clear the table, clean my room, make my bed (I still do it each morning, since it is my first accomplishment of the day), dust, vacuum, cook, mow the lawn, and clean the bathroom. I would help my dad clean the garage, which generally meant moving the junk from one side to the other. Gardening gave me the opportunity to plant, weed and harvest whatever veggies and flowers we grew in the yard.

I don’t remember groaning about chores since my parents had a way of making even those fun activities, and I somehow internalized the idea that as a family we (my parents, sister and I) needed to work together. Not sure how they managed to have everything look easy, since they also both worked full time, volunteered, had a circle of friends and a loving marriage. They were excellent at adulting.

I developed what I now call House Rules to which I introduced my son as he was growing up and offer these to my clients who find organization challenging.

If you open it, close it.

If you take it out, put it back.

If you drop it, pick it up.

If you make a mess, clean it up.

Pretty simple and yet, how many people follow them? I am of the ‘clean as you go,’ school in the kitchen. It is far simpler to tidy in between boiling, broiling and baking than to have a monumental mess to clean up later. I have also taken heed of the advice of a former client who was raising his three teenagers as a single father. He told them that the sink was for washing dishes, not storing them.

Amid my hectic schedule, having a haven at home helps bring balance and grounding. One commitment I make to myself each day is to have a clean kitchen before my head touches down on the pillow. That way, I can wake to a more organized morning.

I was also taught how to create a budget, balance a checkbook, do grocery shopping, change tires and oil in my car (although AAA and regular mechanic visits are my go-to for those services), make phone calls, fill out a job application, as well as a college application, apply for student loans, and drive a car. All are independent living skills.

I recall the wise words of my mentor Yvonne Kaye who, several decades ago, shared her thoughts: “Discipline is freedom.” Free spirit that I am, I balked at that concept. She patiently explained that when one has structure, there is ample room for all manner of creativity. In the interceding years, I have come to discover the value in that idea.

When working with clients who feel overwhelmed with the physical and emotional clutter in their lives, I suggest that they clean one shelf, surface, or corner of a closet at a time. In the realm of relationships, it may present itself like cleaning up their side of the street and being accountable only for what they say, think or do. They are not responsible for anyone else’s choices. Nor is there room to blame others for theirs.

Adulting Advice

“My ma had accounting skills. She taught me how to budget, plan taxes and anything math. Housekeeping skills, I mainly learned on my own. Organizing my life was from a book called the Sidetracked Sisters Get Organized. Very popular in the early 80’s. I wasn’t satisfied with looking at my home or work and saying I didn’t know how. I read everything I could lay my hands on to be a good wife and mother, and I used it. When my son was born I promised him that I would teach him as much as he could absorb about being a self- sufficient person. He is 34 and is fully able to run his own household in spite of learning disabilities and handicaps. I know you believe me when I say, no part of that was easy.”

“I was taught basic home-making things from my Mom, my Dad taught me some car stuff. But no financial/tax type things. As far as my 3 boys, I taught them financial, budget keeping. Home stuff, laundry, cooking etc. I hope some things stuck. They are each so different, certain things just didn’t interest one where it did another.”

“I’m teaching general etiquette, including writing thank you notes, how to treat others, including when dating or interested in the opposite sex, banking, budgeting, and financial management skills, household chores — laundry, cooking, cleaning, organizing, and little things like preparing for unexpected situations (always bring a jacket or keep one in the car in case the temperature drops or rains). I was taught all of these except the financial piece and dating. I learned that in college and graduate school aka “trial-by-fire”. I learned car stuff by watching my dad. I haven’t taught that to my son though.”

“No. I was taught how to have fun. The adulting I’ve never fully mastered. Thank Buddha.”

“I was taught more by others and learned more on my own, than my parents ever taught me. Now, I am teaching my sister. We just had a conversation yesterday about it and how our mother was so needy and manipulative that she deliberately made my sister dependent on her, so she would always “need” her and have to live with her. At 38, she’s fearfully learning how to take care of herself. It’s a work in progress… but at least we are making progress.”

Resources to help you adult more gracefully, include:

The Adulting Bookshelf: 6 Books on Getting Your Life Together

6 Books On How To Be An Adult That Every Twentysomething Needs To Read

And then there is, “That horrifying moment when you’re looking for an adult, but you realize you are an adult. So, you look around for an older adult. An adultier adult. Someone better at adulting than you.” – Unknown

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/are-you-ready-to-adult/

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positivepsychologyinterventions · 6 years

Text

Are You Ready to ‘Adult’?

I developed what I now call House Rules to which I introduced my son as he was growing up and offer these to my clients who find organization challenging.

If you open it, close it.

If you take it out, put it back.

If you drop it, pick it up.

If you make a mess, clean it up.

Adulting Advice

“No. I was taught how to have fun. The adulting I’ve never fully mastered. Thank Buddha.”

Resources to help you adult more gracefully, include:

The Adulting Bookshelf: 6 Books on Getting Your Life Together

6 Books On How To Be An Adult That Every Twentysomething Needs To Read

from World of Psychology http://ift.tt/2CHlvNp via IFTTT

#IFTTT #World of Psychology

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