Tumgik
#I lov drawing him angry as much as the next person bUT LOOK
comfortyart · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
♡Safe♡
2K notes · View notes
arvandus · 4 years
Text
Touch (Pt. 8)
Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader
WARNINGS: 18+ only please!  Drug abuse/withdrawal, adult language/themes, heavy angst, past trauma/abuse, anxiety/panic attacks, PTSD, fluff, pining, slow burn, eventual emotional SMUT. *please pay attention to the chapter tags as these warnings will apply at different times*
Synopsis: When you first joined the LOV to lend your healing quirk, Dabi terrified you.  Not interested in attachments, he wanted to keep it that way.  That is, until he needs your help. (Slow burn, soft Dabi).
Chapter warning: Another long chapter, clocking in at 10k words and 27 pages.  First half is a bit heavy, so... Trigger warnings: physical abuse, verbal abuse, childhood trauma flashbacks
Chapter Songs: When The Truth Hunts You Down by Sam Tinnesz/Make It Rain by Ed Sheeran
Part 1   Part 7
Tumblr media
Artwork credit to @hellowon31 on Twitter (https://twitter.com/hellowon31)
Part 8 - Memories
Dabi stared at his desk, now positioned in front of his bedroom door.  He did it as soon as he’d returned to his room and swallowed the pills you had given him.  He wasn’t sure what to expect for the evening, but whatever happened, he wanted to make it through it without leaving his room.
That was a decision he had made before he even showed up at your door with dinner, as evidenced by the plastic bags currently occupying the surface of his makeshift barricade.  Ramen wasn’t the only thing he’d gotten while he was out.  The bags were filled with a variety of items - more snacks, a pack of cigarettes, electrolyte drinks, over the counter medicines.  Anything and everything he could think of was in those bags, the collection curated from multiple experiences of past detoxes.  Granted, this wasn’t a full detox, but that just made it that much harder to anticipate what exactly his experience was going to be.
Next to the lineup of bags was a bottle of high-end whiskey and a far less fancy plastic cup.  That part wasn’t exactly planned… it was a last-minute decision, swiped from the bar downstairs after he’d returned from his shopping spree.  He knew you wouldn’t be happy about it; no doubt you’d grill him on the risks of mixing alcohol and drugs.  But it was his safety net without the risk of leaving his room in search of something stronger.
The night dragged by slowly, painfully.  Every inch of Dabi was restless and aching.  His scarred legs screamed a discordant song through his veins, muffled under the influence of the pills you had given him.  The aches he still felt were just annoying enough to make sleep impossible, despite the exhaustion that pulled at him.  There was no comfortable position, nothing to ease the physical stress.
Still, the pain was bearable.  Your treatment was working.
It had its limits, though. Despite the pills you’d given him, he was still functioning on an opioid withdrawal.  A jittery energy consumed him, forcing his leg to beat like a jackhammer, while his mind raced. Dabi could never stay in one spot for long, switching between his bed to his desk chair, to his bed again.  Sitting.  Lying down. Standing.  Sitting again. It hadn’t taken him long to break into his cigarettes, dragging long puffs into his lungs to ease his tattered nerves. It helped to ease the physical distress, but his mind continued to jump from thought to thought, no longer encumbered by a drug-filled haze. 
The headache relief you’d provided him was proving to be a double-edged sword, allowing his sporadic thoughts to come through clearer without the sharp, throbbing ache as a distraction.  Your conversation hung over Dabi like a vengeful ghost.  He tried to run from it, distracting himself with various forms of entertainment on his phone.  Music videos, books, TV shows, memes…
Did you like memes? Of course, you did.  Who didn’t?
Damn it, there you were again, in his brain.
He didn’t want to think about it.  He didn’t want to think about you.
But he did anyway.  Obsessively.
It wasn’t long before Dabi was sitting on his bed, his phone forgotten in his hand while his mind turned over every nuance of what was said, every detail of body language.  It honed in on the fear in your eyes, the way you had wrapped your arms around yourself, the way you had frozen against his harsh tone. His mind chewed on it like a dog with a bone, a dog he couldn’t fucking train.
It shouldn’t matter.  It shouldn’t fucking matter.
So, you were scared of him. That was to be expected.  It wasn’t like he needed you to like him.  This was all temporary anyway.
So, he had grabbed you. Big deal.  It wasn’t like he really hurt you, right?  It could have been so much worse.
The thoughts the did little to comfort him, his new-found conscience finding little of value in his weak excuses.  The guilt sat in him like a stone, too heavy for him to move.
It mattered.  It mattered a lot.
And he hated it.
Dabi still couldn’t remember actually grabbing you, but his mind filled in the blank space regardless, taking what he could remember and embellishing it into a brightly colored oil painting.  It hung front and center in the castle of his mind, joining the tapestry of memories that wrapped around Dabi like a cage.  And from it, it forced him to follow the threads of his life, drawing parallels to past wrongs, to things said and things done…
…To things better left buried.
“I hate you.”
The words echoed in Dabi’s mind, an old memory with his voice attached.  Young, hot-headed, angry.  He closed his eyes tight, resting the bridge of his nose on his interlaced fingers as he tried not to remember.  He didn’t want to remember.  But his mind was freed now, healing from the poison he’d been feeding himself for years, and it didn’t give a fuck what he wanted or didn’t want.
“This is all your fault.”
So, this is where his mind wanted to start first.  He knew this memory, and he knew where it would eventually lead. 
The memory came into focus with such clarity that it was as if he were there again.  He could see her, clear as if she were there in person, white hair framing broken eyes as wet tears trailed down her hollow, pale cheeks. He could see himself too, younger, around thirteen years old, with red, wild hair like his father, his blue eyes filled with angry tears. 
He watched, a prisoner in his own mind, as the memory unfolded before him.
His head hung low as his eyes stared ahead of himself, unfocused. Why?  Why was this happening to him?  His father’s harsh words wrapped around him like chains, restricting him, choking him, forcing him into submission.
‘YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A FAILED EXPERIMENT.’
Why was he cast aside so easily, as if he didn’t MATTER?
His father promised.  He PROMISED that he’d help him become a hero.  He’d trained every day, no matter how hard his father pushed him, no matter how much his quirk burned him. His father had called it the cost of greatness. It was all meant to mold him, to beat the weakness out of him and make him stronger, to prepare him for the greatest test of his life, the UA entrance exams.  It was the ONLY path to becoming a pro hero.  Not just any pro hero, but the BEST.  His father insisted on it.
But now, with less than a year before he would apply, his father abandoned him.
“I tried so hard, mom.  I did everything he ever asked, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much he… he…”
His mother wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. “I’m so sorry Touya.”
His voice shook with the force of suppressed sobs. “If I’d been strong enough… if I was more like him, then maybe he’d have been proud of me. Maybe… maybe he would have wanted me.”
“Touya…” his mother whispered consolingly.
He stared at his bandaged hands, watching through blurred vision as his tears broke free and fell onto the strips of cloth.  They soaked in, exposing the red blood beneath. He stared at it.
His fathers voice echoed in his mind.  ‘You’re WEAK!  Just like your mother!’
Tainted blood.
HER blood.
His father was right.
Touya’s pain transformed into anger. “This is all your fault.”  He whispered.
Her embrace vanished as his words smacked her.  Her eyes began to fill with tears.  “What…?”
“This is all your fault!” He repeated, pinning his angry eyes on her tear-filled ones.  “I HATE YOU!”
Dabi rubbed at the bridge of his nose, unable to get his mother’s facial expression out of his head. He had been such an idiot. A young, stupid kid.  He’d destroyed her with those words.  Maybe… maybe that was the start.  The first crack in her mental fragility.
Her face faded away, and now he was in an office. His father’s office.
“I’m going to apply to UA.” He announced.
His father looked up at him from the newspaper he was reading. “No you’re not.  I forbid it.”
“You may have given up on me, but I haven’t.”  Touya said stubbornly.
Enji put the newspaper down.  “If I thought you were capable of getting into UA, then we would be training right now instead of having this conversation.”
“But dad-“
“I FORBID IT!” He shouted as orange flames erupted along his face and shoulders.  “I’ll not have you bring shame on the Todoroki name all for a childish dream.”
“It’s NOT a childish dream!” Touya shouted.
Dabi scoffed at the memory, noting his father’s hypocrisy about “childish dreams.”  He knew the rest of this story…  He’d applied behind his father’s back and failed the exam.  His father was furious.
As if summoned, the memory burst forth, tying together with the previous.
He lay in the hospital bed at the UA Health Center, wrapped in bandages, nursing his failure.    He’d lost control of his emotions during the exam, consumed by anger and a desperate desire to prove his father wrong.  In turn, he lost control of his quirk.  Not only had he injured himself with his recklessness, but he’d accidentally injured two other applicants with his wild flames – an automatic disqualification.
The school nurse, Recovery Girl, was treating the other’s wounds first, and then she would treat his.
Or so he thought.
Just as she was about to use her quirk to rapidly heal some of his injuries, his father burst through the door in a cloud of barely contained rage.
“Don’t treat him.” He ordered.
“Excuse me?” She replied.
Touya stared at his father, realization starting to dawn on him.  He wouldn’t...
Enji narrowed his eyes.  “I said don’t treat him.”
“But Mr. Todoroki, if I don’t use my quirk to help him then he’ll be left with scars.  Worse than the ones he already has.”
“I know.”
“It will take him many weeks to heal.  He may feel pain for the rest of his life.”
“He must suffer the consequences of his actions.”
“But sir, if I may-“
“You may not!”
“…very well, sir.” She mumbled.  She left the room, muttering her disapproval under her breath.
After she was gone, a cold fear gripped Touya as his father stared at him with fury in his eyes.  He waited for his father’s barrage of insults and accusations, waited for the lecturing on family honor and being a ‘man.’
But the attacks never came.  Instead, his father cooled his expression, fixing him with a cold, emotionless glare.  “You brought this on yourself.”  He turned on his heel to leave, but paused to glance at him over his shoulder.  “Remember this day, Touya.”  Then he left.
Tears streaked down Touya’s face as he sobbed alone. No one could hear him.  No one came.
Dabi stood up and made his way to his desk, pulling out another cigarette before sitting down in the metal chair.  He lit the cigarette with the blue flame dancing on his finger and took a long drag of it as his free hand slowly spun the whiskey bottle in circles in front of him.
He didn’t want to think about this.  Any of this. There was no fucking point to it, nothing to be gained.  It only brought up the same pain he’d lived with for years, the pain he’d learned to ignore in place of vengeance.
He wanted to drink the entire bottle.  He wanted to move his desk aside and seek you out, have you turn off his emotions like you’d done before.  He could do it… the desk wasn’t really going to stop him.
But it served as a reminder. A reminder of what he had committed himself to.  Why did he decide to go through with this?  What the hell was he thinking?
He thought of you.  He thought of the past few days.  And once again, he was back on his thread of memories, following the tapestry down to its source.
The source of what?
He wasn’t sure.  But it was as if someone had strapped him down and was forcing his eyes open.  It wouldn’t stop.  His thoughts continued unfettered, memories organizing with a clarity he hadn’t felt in years.
Touya sat alone in his room watching the rain pour outside as he nursed a black eye.  Outside his second-story window, his father trained in the courtyard with his youngest brother. His quirk had manifested earlier that day – a perfect combination of fire and ice.  Enji had been ecstatic.
Touya had punched the wall in anger.
Now he sat here, alone, watching his father train his replacement.
His replacement.
No wonder his father had abandoned him when Shouto was born.  He was placing all of his chips on him once he realized that Touya’s body would never be able to handle his quirk.
A knock at the door interrupted his brooding, and his mother stepped in, disappointment already on her face.
“I heard you got in another fight today.” She said, as she closed the door behind her.
“They were picking on Natsuo.” He said.  “I couldn’t just let that happen.”
“They’re talking about expelling you.”
He looked away from her, his eyes looking back out the window.  “So what.” He replied.  If anything, he welcomed it.  Anything to thwart his father’s plans of making him go to college and get a business degree, only to work under his father’s thumb at his agency for the rest of his life.
“You can’t keep doing this, Touya.” She said, concern heavy in her voice.
“Doing what?” He looked back at her. 
“Destroying your life like this.”
He glared at her accusation. “I didn’t destroy my life.” He looked away, watching the courtyard again.  “He did.”
His mother walked over to join him at the window.  A gust of wind blasted raindrops onto the glass.  Outside, Shouto’s flames died away on his skin as he collapsed to his hands and knees.  Enji grabbed him by his small arm, forcing him back up to his feet.  She watched it with a sadness in her eyes.
“He’s too young.” She said quietly.
Jealousy soaked into Touya’s heart.  “And I wasn’t?”
His words stabbed her, and she hung her head in guilt.  “I’m sorry, Touya.  It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”
Now he was confused.  “Like what?”
She didn’t respond, and he looked at her to see her eyes glazed over in silent introspection.  She’d mentally retreated within herself, to a place that Touya couldn’t follow.  It wasn’t the first time he’d seen her do this.  If anything, it was happening more frequently lately.  Normally, when this happened he wouldn’t press it, allowing her to escape within herself, to protect whatever part of her she felt needed protecting.
But now her words trapped him, and his heart began to pound at their unspoken meaning.  “LIKE. WHAT?  How was it supposed to happen??”
His words cut through her mental isolation, and she stared distantly at the floor as her eyes began to brim with tears.
“If only one of the others had been strong enough… of only I’d given them better quirks…” the tears broke free, landing on the hard floor.  “Then maybe… maybe you wouldn’t have had to suffer so long.  I’m so sorry, Touya.  It’s all my fault.  Everything is all my fault.”  She covered her face in her hands.
Given them better quirks?  Who? 
His body went cold.  Suddenly he was outside of himself, watching the history of his life fly by.
The birth of Fuyumi.  Then came Natsuo.
Now Shouto.
Touya did the math in his head. He was 17 now.  Fuyumi was 14, and Natsuo was 9.  Shouto was 5.   A four-year gap between each of them.
He’d always thought that his siblings came along as a natural process of a growing family, born from love despite his father’s harsh, obsessive nature.  Why else would Rei have stayed with him all these years? But the age gaps were too uncanny, too similar.  It was just enough time for each of their quirks to manifest.
Shouto wasn’t the only one who was intended as a replacement.
Which meant his father had given up on him long before he’d ever let on.
Touya’s chest heaved, as his world was up-ended.  “It was all a lie…”
The intensity of his tone forced his mother to come back to the present, her hands falling from her face to stare at him.  “What?”
“It was all a lie!” he repeated, his voice raising.  “All these years…”
He stood up and began pacing his room, his hand in his red hair.  “Tell me it’s not true.” He demanded.  “I already knew that Shouto was meant to replace me.  But Natsuo?” He paused and stared at his mother.
She looked way shamefully. 
His breaths began to come out in ragged gasps as he fought the tears coming to his eyes. 
“Fuyumi?”
“No, not Fuyumi.  Not initially, at least.”
Right.  Because his quirk had just manifested when she was born.  His father didn’t know yet how weak and limited his body was; he’d still believed it was something that could be worked past, that it was something Touya could control.  Which meant that Fuyumi was wanted.  Lucky her.  No wonder his father seemed to favor her over everyone else.
He sat on his bed, his head in his hands.  “What the FUCK.”
All these years, he’d assumed his father had believed in him, and only gave up on him right before he was set to apply to UA.  Even then, he’d thought that his father only abandoned him as a way to protect Touya from hurting himself, or even worse, killing himself.  That was why his father hadn’t let him get healed back then, right? That was the lesson he was supposed to learn?  To accept his weakness and take his mortality seriously?  Sure, there was the whole thing about ruining the family’s reputation, but he’d always hoped that deep down, there was more to it than that. There had to be.
But no. None of it was true. It was all about HIM.  His father and his stupid, obsessive goal to beat All Might, even if it was only through his progeny.  Touya was nothing but a tool to him, a means to an end.  And when he couldn’t meet his father’s needs, he became nothing more than a contingency plan.  In the meantime, his father kept trying to make the perfect hero.  The perfect quirk.
And he’d finally succeeded.
Touya stared at his scarred hands. “Did… did he ever even love me?” The words fell from his mouth, a forbidden, broken whisper.
His mother’s arms were around him then, cradling him to her chest.  “Of course, he loves you.  I swear it.”
The warmth of her embrace made him turn his attention on her, and suddenly a revelation hit him, cutting into him like a thousand knives.  His body went rigid, his eyes wide.
“You knew.” He whispered.  He forced her arms off of him and stood up, towering over her with his height.  She took a step back, her eyes wide.  “You knew and you never told me.”
He turned his back to her, unable to look at her.
“Touya, please...” she begged, her voice quivering.
He didn’t want to hear it. There was nothing she could say that could fix this.  His father was one thing… he’d accepted that he was an abusive, shitty father.  But his mother?  His mother who he’d confided in?  His mother who was supposed to protect him?  His mother… who he trusted?  Why didn’t she ever tell him?
The betrayal was too much. It cut too deep.  His entire childhood was a lie, years wasted by those who were supposed to love and support him.
Disgust filled him.  He wanted her gone.  Out of his room, out of his life.
“Touya!” she said desperately.  She reached out to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, an attempt at bridging the growing chasm between them.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!” He shouted. 
Flames erupted across his body, uncontrolled, as his arm shoved her away from him.  She stumbled back with such force that she collided into the wall before slumping down against it.  She didn’t get up.  Instead, she sat there with her knees drawn up like a child, her body wracked with sobs.
He stared at her, horrified, as his blue flames died away on his skin.  He wanted to go to her, to reach out and help her, apologies falling frantically from his lips.  He took a cautious step forward, one hand outstretched towards her.  But she shied away from him, her arms wrapping protectively around her head.
“No! Enji, please!”
Her words stopped him in his tracks. Slowly, he lowered his hand and stared in stunned silence as his mother babbled incoherent apologies.  Something shattered within himself, sinking away to leave a hollowness in its place.
He ran.
Dabi was drowning, as the weight of his past washed over him, choking him.
That was the longest one yet.  And the most painful.  It ripped at the exposed tender places in his heart, places he’d thought were long-since dead.
Dabi’s vision blurred and he wiped at his nose.  This was what he did.  He lashed out, hurting those close to him, those who didn’t deserve it.  It was the same with you. It was who he was, it was who he was made to be. It’d only be a matter of time before it happened again.
He lifted his cigarette to take another puff but stopped when he realized that it had burned down to the filter, leaving a trail of ash in its wake on the desk.
He unpacked another cigarette and lit it.  His hand began to unscrew the whiskey bottle.
She had avoided him after that, and he avoided her.  It wasn’t long after that rainy day that his mother had her mental breakdown, scalding Shouto in an attempt to burn away the image of her husband.  Or was she trying to burn away the image of Touya? Was there even a difference in her mind?
The news had shocked him, and he ran as fast as his legs could take him.  He burst into Enji’s office, forcing himself into his father’s presence.
“Where is she?” Touya demanded, his chest heaving from exertion.
Enji frowned at the intrusion, looking up from his paperwork at his desk.  He was dressed professionally, in a white button-up shirt with a blue tie.
“Who?” He demanded.
Touya clenched his jaw so tight his teeth ground together.  God, did he hate him…
“My mother. You know, your wife.  The one you knock up every four years and the ignore.”
Enji menacingly rose from his chair, his blue eyes carrying the threat of violence within them. He towered over Touya, his presence casting a shadow from the wall sconces behind him.
“You watch your tone with me, boy.” Enji said coldly.  “I will not be disrespected in my own house.”
Touya knew if he pushed it, he’d never get what he came here for.  So, he sucked up his anger and pride, bowing deep in apology. “Yes, sir.” Touya muttered with downcast eyes. “Forgive me.   I just want to know where she is.”
Enji paused for a moment, staring down at his son before returning to his seat and picking up his pen.  “She’s been admitted to the Musutafu Mental Institution.” He replied as he marked his paper.
A pause filled the space before Touya asked his next question.  “Can I see her?”
“No.”
Touya’s breath stopped, his mind unable to wrap around the simple word that fell like a judge’s gavel. His father’s answer was cold and final, said with such heartless ease.  He stared in disbelief.
He thought he had time to mend things, to finally overcome his cowardice and atone for his actions.  But there was no atoning now.  He’d lost her.  Tears began to sting in the corners of his eyes, but he fought them back; his father always hated it when he cried.
“So that’s it…? She’s gone?”
“It was for the best.” Enji replied.  “She attacked my son, almost made him useless.  Now I can train him without her interfering.”
“Is that all you care about?”  The words fell from Touya’s mouth before he could stop them, covered in bitterness.
Enji’s pen stopped scribbling.  An agonizing ten seconds passed before he set it down and looked up at Touya, pinning him with his sharp eyes, dark eyebrows pulled down into an angry frown.  “Excuse me?”
Touya steeled himself against his father’s wrath as the rage he’d been keeping to himself burst forth against its creator. 
“Is that all you care about?” he repeated.  “Your wife is in a mental institution and your son is scarred for life, but all you can think about is surpassing All Might?”
Enji pinned him with a look that was almost akin to pity.  “How small-minded you are.  This was always your problem, Touya. Your mother too.  You both lacked vision, an inability to see the bigger picture. That was why you were never able to push past your limits.  But Shouto… Shouto will be different.”
Enji’s accusations made Touya’s lips curl into a snarl.  “Do you even hear yourself?” he spat.  “No wonder she went crazy.  She wasn’t attacking Shouto, she was attacking you!  This is all your fault, and you don’t even care. You’re a shit father, and a worse husband.”
The pity in his father’s eyes turned to ice, and the man quietly set his pen down before standing up from his desk.  “Shouto said the same thing.” He grumbled.  “I excused it coming from him, because he’s young and doesn’t understand yet.  But you… you should know better.”  He loosened his tie and began to unbutton the cuffs of his sleeves.  “I’ve been too lenient on you.  It looks like there are some lessons I still have yet to teach you.”
Touya took a step back at the obvious gesture.
Enji stared down at him in disgust.  “Look at you. Already scared.  You’re just as pathetic as before.”
Touya went into a defensive stance, his blue flames igniting across his skin.
His father scowled. “You dare raise your flames against me, boy?” His own flames erupted along his body.  “Very well.  If you’re going to talk like a man and fight like a man, then you will learn to accept your consequences like a man.”
Dabi took a drag of his new cigarette, already burned halfway from neglect.  He inhaled deeply, wanting the toxic fumes to fill the gaping hole in his chest.  It didn’t.
He picked up the now-open whiskey bottle and poured it to the halfway point of the plastic cup.  There was no ice to chill it, but it would have to do.  He took a swig, letting the fiery taste coat his tongue, burning away the taste of ash.
Enji had taken him outside into the courtyard, where he received the worst beating he’d ever gotten. His father’s blows lacked the restraint he typically exercised, fueled by a dark rage.  It had left Touya gagging and coughing, crumpled on the floor in a heap. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move, it hurt to think. 
The beating may have been five minutes or it may have been five hours. He couldn’t really tell. All he did know was that no one came.  Just like all the times before, no one came to say something, to stop him, even though the sound of their conflict shook the Todoroki grounds, incinerating nearby bushes and damaging the exposed framework of the surrounding buildings. And after his father had left, removing his tie and his shirt to clean the blood from them, Touya had laid there alone in the dirt, staring up at the cold, lifeless, star-studded night sky as an unforgiving universe stared back.  He wanted to die.
It felt like eternity had passed before two sets of hands gently grabbed him and helped him up, each of his arms going around familiar shoulders.  His siblings had finally come for him, now that his father was out of sight and they knew they were safe from his wrath.  They had helped Touya to his bed, where Fuyumi tended to his wounds in silence and Natsuo sat beside her, his mouth pressed into a thin, angry line.
Dabi took another couple of decent gulps of his whiskey, resisting the urge to down the entire contents and pour another cup.  How much did he pour?  Four shots worth?  Five? He needed it to kick in.  If he was going to be forced to relive every bad memory he ever had, then he’d be here all night. 
His body was worn down, his spirit tired.  He really didn’t want to feel anymore.
But the alcohol wasn’t working fast enough; his brain wouldn’t stop.
It was late at night, the moon high in the sky, the air cold with the hint of rain as clouds rolled in from the distance.  It had been a few days since Touya’s beating, but despite his sister’s protests, he decided to leave the confines of his room and take a walk on the family compound.
That was how he ended up here, six feet away from the training room.  The light was off, but he could hear the sound of fists hitting, and every now and then the room would light up with bright orange flame.  But there was no lecturing, no young voice crying.  Touya knew Shouto wasn’t in there this time.  He was still in bed, recovering from the burn his mother had inflicted. Enji was furious, pacing the grounds like an angry bear, snapping at staff and family and locking himself away in his training room to work out his frustrations, constantly striving for a goal he’d never be able to achieve.
Touya inwardly scoffed.  If anyone should be admitted to a mental institution, it should be his father. The man was literally driven insane by his inability to surpass All Might.  But of course, that would never happen.  His father was the number two hero.  He was “untouchable.”  There was no one brave enough or strong enough to make that man face his own demons. It made Touya curl his nose up at the hypocrisy.
An odd silence drew Touya out of his thoughts.  The sounds of fists impacting dummies and training equipment had stopped, the flames no longer bathing the ground in light through the open door.  Then he heard it – an unfamiliar sound, one he’d never heard before. He furrowed his brow in confusion and inched closer to the open door before risking a peek inside.
The moonlight spilled in just enough for him to see the hulking form of his father, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands.  His great shoulders shook, and finally Touya realized the sound he was hearing.
His father was crying.
Disgust filled Touya, sour and bitter.  For all of his father’s posturing, for all of his grandiose lectures about strength and commitment, here he was, sobbing like a baby.  And for what?  For his inability to reach his dreams, while his family fell apart around him?
Or was he crying FOR his family?
Touya pushed the possibility away, burying it deep, deep down where he refused to give the idea any chance of blooming into a belief.
No.  This man didn’t feel for his family.  He wasn’t ALLOWED to feel for his family.  He was the reason his family was as broken as it was, every single one of them able to tie their scars back to him and his selfish actions.
Touya hated him.
And yet he loved him.  How fucked up was that? He could feel it in his irrational urge to go to him and offer support, a support he’d never once received.  And that just made him hate him more, because despite all that his father had done to him, Touya still fucking cared.
His father wasn’t worthy of it.  He didn’t deserve Touya’s love, or his mother’s love, or anyone’s love for that matter.
And he certainly didn’t deserve to cry.
Touya fled.  He fled from his feelings, he fled from his fears, taking only his righteous anger with him and riding it like a hellhound. He ran as fast as he could, ignoring the pain that sliced through him from his father’s abuse.  His lungs burned. His ribs ached.  As he ran, his thoughts followed, chasing him and swooping on him like a flock of crows, pecking at his sanity.
He ended up in an abandoned warehouse, a quarter mile from his house, across the railroad tracks that marked the separation of ritzy upper-class life and industrial city complexes. He fell to his knees, his palms landing hard on the dirt-strewn floor inside the old building, as sobs ripped lose from his throat, harsh and painful.
He hated him.  He hated him more than anything.  How could he have ever idolized him?  How could he have ever loved him?  His father was selfish.  He was destructive. He was cruel.  And now his father cried like a baby, as if he were a victim in all of this.
He wasn’t a victim. And he certainly wasn’t a hero.
What kind of hero saved civilians while simultaneously destroying his family behind closed doors? That wasn’t a hero.  It was a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
And it was devouring his family.  His helpless, innocent family.
They deserved justice. They deserved saving.  Where was hero society in all of this?  Lining his father’s pockets, placing him on a pedestal to be worshipped.  His father always preached about Touya accepting the consequences of his actions.  So where were Enji’s consequences?
As long as his father continued to reign supreme, his family would never be safe.  His family would never heal.  His mother would never recover. Natsuo would never be freed of his anger. Shouto would never get to decide who he is and who he wants to be. Fuyumi would be weighed down by her obligation to her family, foregoing her own dreams to take care of them all.
His father needed to be gone.  Permanently.  Only then would his family be safe.  Only then would they be free.
But Touya… Touya would never be free.  He understood that now, even as his hatred and anger consumed him.  He was just like his father, a proverbial chip-off-the-old-block.  He’d managed to take all the worst parts of him and make them a part of himself. His obsessive nature, his anger, his jealousy… his violence.  He could feel it in his blood.
If his family wasn’t safe with Enji, then what made Touya any different? He’d already played a hand in his mother’s mental demise.  How could he be sure he wouldn’t hurt the rest as tie went on?
He was just like his father.
He hated his father.
He hated himself.
He wanted to die.
So then, who better to take on the Behemoth?  Who better than his father’s son, the monster he’d made?
Touya had to kill Endeavor.  He had to kill his father.  His father, who he couldn’t even beat in a fight.  He was stupid.  A fool. But there were no other options.  No other paths to justice.  And Touya was tired of waiting for justice.
Touya’s sob turned into a dry laugh.  Was this what it meant to be heroic?  To bear the weight of this responsibility, even if it cost him his soul?  Even if it killed him?
His dry laugh grew into a series of laughs, wild and hysterical, as tears ran down his face, while the reality of what he was committing to tore him asunder.  As he heaved and coughed, a heat began to overtake him, building so quickly that by the time he realized what was happening, it was too late.  Searing, blue flames blasted out of him in such magnitude and such intensity that the windows of the abandoned warehouse exploded, glass shards melting from the intense heat as they rained down.  The flames roared outward, reaching for the night sky through the now-glassless windows, groping and writhing, their fierceness never waning.
Touya couldn’t stop it.  The flames scorched through him and consumed him, the sound of it raging in his ears, his body devoured by agony as his quirk ate at him, destroying him from the inside out.  Above him, the heat of the flames began to melt the structural metal beams.
But his hysterical laughter and tears couldn’t stop, even as smoke left his scorched lungs with each exhale and his mouth tasted ash.  A screeching sound filled the space, the sound of metal bending and breaking.  The beams gave way, the roof caving in as destruction rained down around him, silencing his laughter.
…..
Nothing but bright blue fire and broken remains filled his vision.  Slowly, a dark form began to take shape amongst the flames, tall and towering.  It was him. He’d come for him.
The flames parted, and he saw himself as he was now: black hair, dark scars, staples glinting in the firelight.  The sound of a funeral bell tolled and his mouth opened, forming a single word.  A name.
A gentle knock caused the image to begin to fade away like mist, even as the funeral bells still rang in Dabi’s ears.
“Dabi?” He knew that voice. It was you.
Groggily, Dabi opened his eyes to find himself still in his chair at his desk, his head resting on his arm. His forgotten cup of whiskey sat unmoved, inches from his fingers.  It was a dream.  He’d fallen asleep.
Another knock at the door, slightly louder, made him sit up.
“...Dabi?” you called again.
“Yeah.” He grumbled. He rubbed at his face.  “Yeah, yeah.”
His body felt stiff and his neck had a horrible kink in it.  He checked the time on his phone.  5:45am.  Why in God’s name were you up so early?  And why were you knocking on his door?
He stood up and stretched his back, and that was when he felt it – a sharp itching pain that ran along his spine, chased by the agony in his legs.  It was worse than he remembered it being before he’d passed out. Your quirk was starting to wear off.
It looked like you were right on time.
He grabbed the end of his metal desk with one hand and pulled, dragging it slowly away from the door. The sound was grating, like nails on a chalkboard.  If people weren’t awake before, they definitely were now.
As if on cue, three harsh bangs resonated from the wall next him.  “What the hell, Dabi???” Spinner’s voice yelled through the wall.  “People are trying to sleep!”
“Bite me.”  Dabi snapped back before opening the door for you, and stared, giving you an obvious once-over.  You were completely dressed, in jeans and a long-sleeve shirt, as if you’d been up for hours.  Dark circles framed your tired eyes. “Hey, doll.” He greeted.
Your heart did a flip before you even knew what hit you, leaving you standing there like a deer in headlights.  It’d been a cool minute since he’d called you that; you didn’t realize how much you’d grown attached to it.
It took you a moment to realize that he was holding the door open for you, inviting you in.  Once you were across the threshold, Dabi closed the door behind you.
“Sorry… did I wake you?” You asked, as your eyes took in the room.  His desk was haphazardly pulled away from the door, covered in plastic bags. The room stank of cigarette smoke and alcohol.  A bottle of whiskey sat incriminatingly on the desk, some of its contents missing.  You picked up the bottle and stared at it before pinning Dabi with a glare.  You knew he knew better.  For someone who was so experienced with drugs, he certainly did do some stupid shit.
“Really?” you scolded.
“Don’t start with me.” Dabi grumbled as he rubbed at his neck. He pulled out an electrolyte drink and downed its contents, wiping his mouth with his hand once it was empty.  “There, you happy?”  He moved on to a bag of chips, crunching loudly as he chewed in annoyance.
Normally, you would have been more diplomatic, navigated the waters a little bit more when you saw them getting choppy.  But you slept like shit again last night, waking up repeatedly from bad dreams only to worry about this idiot while he decided to try to self-medicate by drinking his problems away.
“Don’t get mad at me for calling you out on your bullshit.” You replied.  “If you act like an idiot, then I’m gonna treat you like one.”
“How’s it look up there on your high horse?” Dabi retorted.
“What?”
“It must be exhausting being so fucking perfect.  Makes everyone else around you look like such fucking failures.”  He turned his angry eyes away from you as he sat down on the end of his bed, running a hand through his messy black hair.
His words slapped you, and you stared at him for a long moment, taking in the sight of him.  His eyes looked tired, his cheeks sallow.  His hair looked tangled and unwashed.  When was the last time he took a shower?  His hand kept rubbing at his neck, no doubt nursing a sore spot.  He must have fallen asleep at his desk after a rough night.  You recalled the night you’d helped him through his withdrawal, and the breakdown it had culminated in.  No doubt he was up all night battling his inner demons.  Alone.  Without your help this time.  Guilt soaked through your frustration.
“I’m sorry.” You muttered. “You’re right, I shouldn’t judge. It’s just…” You sat down in his desk chair.  “I’m trying so hard to help you.  And… well…”
“What?” Dabi prodded. “You think I’m not trying?”
Your eyes fell on the desk, which sat askew in his room, and the bags full of various items that were obviously intended to help Dabi get through the night.  “No…” you replied.  “I know you are.  I just wish you took better care of yourself.”
“I take care of myself just fine.”
Your brow furrowed. “I mean it, Dabi.” You rubbed at your face tiredly, letting your fatigue finally show.  “I’m worrying about you, probably more than I should.  I’m pushing my body to its limits, I can’t sleep, and when I do, I dream about you.  Then I wake up, and I worry even more because I can never be entirely sure that you’re okay.”
You felt your body flush with heat at your sudden confession, and you looked at your hands in embarrassment. You weren’t supposed to say that. You weren’t supposed to say any of that.  Stupid, no-good, tired, foggy brain.
A shit-eating grin spread across Dabi’s face, his eyes lighting up in amusement.  “You dream about me, eh?”
“Shut up.” You grumbled. You grabbed a crumpled-up napkin and threw it at Dabi’s head.  It fell pitifully to the floor, three feet from where he sat.
Dabi stared at the failed attack and gave a laugh.  “That was pathetic.”
You tried to suppress a grin.  “I said shut up.  God, you’re such a brat.”
A moment of silence passed between the two of you before Dabi finally spoke.  “Gotta solution to your problem… Stop worrying so much.”
You gave a small half-smirk. “Sorry, not gonna happen.” You replied.  “I worry about my friends.  That’s just how I am.”
Something did a flip in Dabi’s chest, and he averted his eyes.  “Friends, huh?  You don’t even know me.”
“I know you better today than I did a few days ago…”
He gave a dry laugh. You weren’t wrong…
“If we’re not friends when this is all over, then I will be greatly offended.” You teased. “Besides… like your company.”
Dabi stared at you like you grew a second head.  You liked his company? For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why.  Most of the time you’d spent together so far was him either feeling like shit or being an asshole.
But he liked your company too even though he wouldn’t admit it out loud, and for the moment he didn’t feel like fighting it.  He’d argue with himself later over it for sure, but for right now… he enjoyed feeling your presence, enjoyed how your words wrapped around him like a warm blanket, safe and secure.  His memories still sat upon his shoulders, lurking like crows, but they were silent for now, and he was pretty sure that it had something to do with you being here.
Your voice broke through his thoughts.  “Let’s change your bandage.  Are you okay waiting until I’m done treating you to get your pills?”
“Why, are you punishing me for drinking?” he replied. It took you a moment before you caught on that he was teasing.
You grinned and raised an eyebrow at him.  “No, but now that you mention it, we should probably wait until after we’re done since I don’t know how long ago it was that you drank.”
Dabi narrowed his eyes at you suspiciously.  Now you were just doing this on purpose…
You sat behind him on the bed and began unpacking your materials while he removed his shirt.  When you removed his bandage, you stared at the healing burn for a moment.
“How’s it look?” He asked, glancing back at you over his shoulder.
“It’s healing okay, but it’s still going to take some time until you don’t need the bandages.”
Regardless of the status of his burn, he still needed to see you twice a day for your quirk treatment and pills.  It was exhausting, and you were grateful that so far the others only returned with minor injuries.  But that could change at any moment, and you needed to be able to handle it; otherwise, Shigaraki would start to question your value.
You could only hope that your seller could find a way to expedite Dabi’s medication.  And your own too.  You’d counted what you had left before you’d arrived, and you were getting low. Dangerously low.  You could get through today and tomorrow morning, but if you didn’t have your refills by then…
You tried not to think about it.
You changed his bandages easily and began applying your quirk to his scarred skin just as you’d done the night before.  When you adjusted your position to handle the scars on his front half, the fear crept up again.  But this time, you were able to wrangle it successfully, only hesitating for a moment before you continued.  You broke the silence with words, a helpful distraction from your increasing discomfort and wandering thoughts.
“I didn’t know you smoked.” You commented.
He eyed you for a moment, waiting for another lecture.  But it never came and when your eyes met his in a quick glance, there was no judgment in them.
“Only once in a while.” He replied.
You read between the lines of his answer. “Does it help?”
“A little.”
Silence fell again as you became increasingly focused on your quirk.  Your back was itching painfully again, and your heightened senses were making the light in the room seem far too bright.  Still, your fingers traced along his neck, taking special care to make sure no space was left untouched.  Dabi watched your face, inches from his own.  That was when he noticed it.  Something was wrong.  Your smile was gone, your lips now pressed into a firm line.  You took your breaths in through your nose, and your brows were pulled together as you focused.  Your hands were starting to shake.  Were you scared again?  Or was it something else?
Just as your hands began to reach his face, he grabbed your hands in his own and pulled back slightly out of your reach.  “Stop.”
Your eyes focused on him. “What?  Why?”
“Your quirk.  Does it hurt?” his tone was stern.  
You stared at him, your expression caught like a deer in headlights before looking away abashedly.
“Yeah, sort of.” You replied.
Dabi held your hands, as he waited for a better answer than what you gave him.
Finally, you slowly pulled our hands out of his grasp, his touch leaving electricity on your skin, and sat on the bed next to him with your hands clasped together.
“So, you know how when I use my quirk, it numbs your pain?”  Dabi waited silently for you to continue. “It sort of has an opposite effect on me. The more I use it, the more heightened my senses become.  And if I use my quirk too much, then it becomes… uncomfortable.”
Dabi stared at his hands as you spoke, his brow pulled down into a dark frown.  All this time… he knew you were pushing yourself to your limits; hell, you even said so earlier.  But he had assumed it just caused fatigue.  He never knew that it caused you pain.  How had he never noticed?  How many times had you treated him?
How much did you use your quirk on the first night of his withdrawal?  How far did you really push yourself?
A car alarm went off outside of his open window, and your hands immediately flew up to cover your ears against the assault, your heart pounding. Once the pain and panic dissipated, you lowered your hands, embarrassment hot in your blood.  It was the first time Dabi saw this part of you, and it made you feel weak and vulnerable.
“Sorry.” You mumbled.
Dabi hated those words.  He especially hated hearing them from you.  What the hell did you have to be sorry about?  Anger bubbled in him, old and familiar.  But he forced it down, aware of what his anger did to you as the memories flitted across his mind like a warning.
“It’s fine.”  Dabi replied, keeping his voice even.
Dabi’s mind began turning over this new piece of information, fitting the missing puzzle piece into what little he did have. He became acutely aware of how little he really knew about you.
“Is that what those drugs are for?” he asked.
You paused for a moment, contemplating if you should spin your truth to fit his theory.  But it didn’t feel right.  Earlier you said you considered him a friend. Did you keep secrets from friends?
How much did you really trust him?  How much did he trust you?
He was already trusting you more than you were, letting you help him through something very personal.  You’d seen him vulnerable far more than he’d seen you vulnerable.  So how would he feel if he learned you were keeping the truth from him? 
You wondered how he’d react.  If anyone would understand the pain you went through, it’d be him.  If anything, it might make the two of you closer.  You couldn’t deny that the idea of that resonated with an unspoken need within you.
“Sort of.” You replied, as you fiddled with the hem of your shirt.  “I can’t use them for my sensory overload.  It’d take too many to really have an impact, and I’d probably O.D. if I tried.”
“So, what are they for?”
Wow.  He really wanted to know.
Your heart pounded in your chest, as your words got stuck somewhere between your mouth and your insecurity.  It’d been so long since you’d talked about it, since you’d acknowledged it with another person.  What if he laughed?  After all, how ridiculous did you look complaining about a single scar compared to Dabi??  Or worse, what if he didn’t care at all?
But he’d asked, and now he was waiting for an answer. 
The words still wouldn’t come, so you positioned yourself with your back facing him and lifted your shirt slightly, exposing the damaged flesh beneath.
Dabi’s eyes widened.  He knew a burn scar when he saw one.  And not just any burn scar.  There was a pattern to it, a story in its twisted, marred flesh.  This was done by a quirk.  It spread across your lower back, the edge of it dipping beneath the hem of your pants.  His hand began to reach out, fingers twitching with the urge to touch it, as if his touch could take the hateful mark off of you.  But he caught himself, his fingers inches from your skin, and clenched his hand into a tight fist.
A long, heavy silence begin to fill the space between you while a thousand questions perched on the edge of his lips as he grappled with this new information and the emotions that erupted from it.
The silence dragged on, and you lowered your shirt, as heart-pounding anxiety smothered you.  It filled the dark spaces in you, the weak places where confidence had abandoned you. It settled into a could dread that made you unable to turn around and face him.  Why wasn’t he saying anything?  You squeezed your eyes closed as tears pricked at the corners.
Did you make a mistake?  You shouldn’t have shown him.  You should have just brushed it off or lied when you had the chance.
Tears began to slip down your cheeks, and you struggled to stop them.  But they wouldn’t stop, and you wiped away at them angrily, sniffling as you struggled to contain yourself.
The sound of your distress snapped Dabi out of his obsessive thoughts.  You were crying.  Why?
Was it something he said? But he didn’t say anything.
Was it something he did? But he didn’t do anything.
What the hell was he supposed to do? He had no words of comfort, and he certainly couldn’t hold you, not without crossing a boundary he’d set for himself.  You had called him a friend.  How did friends comfort each other?  He had no fucking clue.
He scratched at his head awkwardly before standing up.  He bit his cheek from the pain in his legs.  Your pills had worn off, and they were in desperate need of attention.  But he forced it into submission, instead making his way to his desk to retrieve a clean napkin and handing it to you.
The small gesture seemed to help, as you gave a small chuckle and accepted the gift, wiping at your eyes as you averted your tear-stained face from him.
“I’m sorry.” You said with a sheepish laugh.
There was that fucking phrase again.
“Don’t be.” He replied.
That answer seemed to help, too.  You finally turned to face him, a sheepish smile on your face.
“I know guys typically freak out when they see a girl cry.” You commented.  “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
Your emotional reaction embarrassed you, and now you were struggling to save face.
“It’s fine.” He grabbed the bag of chips from earlier and grabbed a couple for himself before holding the bag out to you in offering.  You shook your head, keeping your eyes on your lap. 
“It’s just… it’s been a long time since I’ve shared this with anyone.” You tried to explain.  Not entirely truthful, but not entirely a lie either.
“I shouldn’t have asked.” He replied.
“No, it’s fine.” You replied.  “I understand why you wanted to know.”
Silence followed for a moment, filled only by the sound of Dabi’s crunching.  It grated on your ears, but you didn’t want to say anything, glad that he was at least eating something.  Instead, you tried to cover the noise of his chips with your voice.
“It doesn’t hurt all the time…” you explained.  “Only when my quirk gets overused.  That’s what the pills are for.”
 “What about your sensory overload?” Dabi asked.
You were grateful that the conversation was progressing forward, leaving your mini breakdown in the past.  
 “Usually it’s a matter of reducing exposure.  Turning off lights, quieting noises, that kind of thing.” You replied.
 As you spoke, Dabi watched you. He watched the way you never seemed to look up from your lap for very long, your eyes avoiding the light of his lamp.  Your shoulders were hunched against the cold (or was it the pain?), and he recalled how the car alarm before had made you cover your ears.  
 He grabbed another chip as his mind analyzed all the things that he’d missed before.  As soon as it crunched under his teeth, he saw your hands squeeze tightly on the hem of your shirt before loosening again.
 He stared at the bag, before holding it up to you.  “This bothers you?” he asked.
 You averted your eyes, embarrassed.  “Just a little.”
 He slowly put the bag down on the desk, careful not to have it crinkle too loudly.  “Why didn’t you say something?”
 You shrugged.  He scowled.  Then, he stood up with a wince, and closed his open window, drawing the curtains closed to block the brightening daylight.  As he walked back to sit on the bed next to you, he turned off his lamp, plunging the room into darkness that faded to a comfortable dim light once your eyes had adjusted to the change, morning light seeping into the room at an acceptable level.
 You could feel the relief immediately, and you stared at him, bewildered not just by his kindness, but by his awareness.  Was he really paying attention to you that closely?  It made your blood rush in your ears and your heart do somersaults.
 “Thank you.” You said softly.  
 “It’s not a big deal.” He replied as he leaned back and stared at the light dancing on the ceiling. It was the least he could do, he thought.  This discomfort you were feeling was because of him, after all.  Besides, after all you’d done for him – were still doing for him – he figured you’d earned a little bit of kindness in return.
 But only for you.
 Dammit.
 He really was a lost cause.
 “I’m feeling better now…” you said.  “I can finish treating your scars.”
 “It’s fine.” Dabi lied.
 You stood up and faced him. “Let me at least treat your legs. I wasn’t able to get to them last night.”
 “I said it’s fine.”
 “Dabi…” he looked at you and was met with a knowing look on your face.  “Trust me.  I know my limits.  Besides, this is literally my job.”  
 Dabi frowned at you. “No, your job is to treat injuries, not help drug addicts.”
 “My job is to make sure everyone is able to function to the best of their ability.” You countered. You crossed your arms with a smug look. “Don’t make me go tell Shigaraki that you’re being a bad patient.”
 He scowled and looked away. You took that as a surrender and sent him into the bathroom to change into shorts to make your job easier. When he came back out, he was still frowning.
 “You play dirty.” He complained.  “And not in a fun way.”
 You grinned but didn’t respond as you focused on running your hands along his scarred legs, starting at above the knee.  By the time you were done, your quirk was riding the brink, your back on fire again. But you gritted your teeth and bore it, even as sweat beaded across your face.
 You went to your bag and began to rummage through it, wincing as you bent over.  Your back was facing Dabi, your butt in the air, and he couldn’t help but appreciate the view.  A subtle smirk tugged at his lips.  But the grin was short lived; it fell as soon as you stood up, holding the familiar pill bottle in your hand.
 “No.” Dabi said adamantly.
 “Give me a break.” You replied, as you opened the container. “What other options do we have?”
 You held out the three pills towards him, but he stared at them.  “I can’t take these.” He said.
 You took his hand in yours and placed the pills into his palm, closing his fingers over them. “You can, and you will.” You replied. “Besides, it’s temporary, remember?”
 He opened his mouth to protest, but a ding sounded within the room that made you nearly jump out of your skin with your sensitive hearing.  You clumsily pulled your phone out of your bag and opened up your text messages.  Your eyes lit up, and a smile spread across your face before you put the phone away in your bag.
 “Good news,” you said. “Looks like the refills for my pills will be ready for pickup tomorrow.”
 “What about mine?” Dabi asked.
 Your expression fell slightly.  “He didn’t mention them, so I’m guessing they’re not ready yet.”
 “Well that fucking sucks.”
 “It’s not all bad… once I get my refill, there will be enough for both of us.  I asked him to double up the pills so there’d be enough. Then I can really start treating you properly until your pills arrive.  See?  I told you it’d be temporary…”
 Dabi looked up at your happy face and couldn’t deny the relief he felt knowing you weren’t going to be hurting yourself for him for much longer.  “Fine.” He replied.  He swallowed the pills before he could change his mind.
 You picked up your bag with another wince and made your way to the door.  Dabi stood up to follow you, relishing in the painless effort of walking.  He felt like he could run.
 Before you opened his door, you half-turned to him.  “Get some more rest.”  You wrinkled your nose at him.  “And maybe take a shower.  And brush your teeth.”
 Dabi rolled his eyes. “Yes, mom.”
 After you left, he paused for a moment before sniffing his armpit.  He didn’t really smell that bad… did he?
________________________________
Part 9
________________________________
Taglist (always open!): @lemonfvck @vs-redemption @inanabsentia @sheedaabee @toshiuwuu @marydragneell @chillinwithmybakubros @genuinelytodorokisbitch @sam-i-am-1025 @redflannel @axerrri @necccomancy @miadraws0 @hot-pocket01 @hopelessdisasterr @dummythiccwitch @villainsdeku @aquzairus @officialtrashbusiness @hemdem018 @purplesweethart @doebopeepeebbod @ghost-of-todoroki @marvel-philosophy @lysawayne @udontneedtokno @citrussaurus @littleladdty @starsforannie @zunmieh @mae-rd​ @mrsreina​ @ohh-takuuu​ @ih8beefnoodles @kellyyween​ @jojoniles​ @steale24​  @peach-tea-0  @orenjineki​ @diobrandoatemykids  @minionsexuall @liitlesushi​ @jojoniles​ @bilalbambi  @tinitimesims125 @emmappelle​ @babayaga67​
307 notes · View notes
shorkbrian · 4 years
Text
“Oh, don’t worry. This won’t hurt at all. Well, it won’t hurt me. You? No, it’ll hurt really really bad.”
Prompt^
Warnings: slight NSFW.
I feel like Bakuboi has some real issues if you didn’t acknowledge him or if you ignored him. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You didn’t even know what you had done to cause Bakugou to set his sights on you. Maybe it was because you refused to interact with him; simply locking your jaw and giving him a bored expression whenever he taunted you,  Easily letting him win any training exercise where you were paired together…. Then immediately going on to demolish every other opponent. You could tell that your lack of response to his brutish personality was driving him insane.
He had started trying to get your attention in a relatively harmful way, by picking on your friends while you were around. You avoided that by snatching your friend’s wrist and leaving the room, taking your friend with you and Bakugou fuming.
He had tried physical pranks, “accidentally” spilling his lunch all over you in the cafeteria, sneering as you cleaned it up with so much as a glance his way. He would push your books out of your hands any opportunity he got,  almost growling when you picked them up without taking a break from the conversation you were having with Mina. Despite his best efforts in being an A+ jerk, there was nothing he could do to get you to acknowledge him.
For a short, very brief moment, Bakugou had even attempted being nice to you. He stopped pushing you around, left your friends alone, and returned all the pencils and other school supplies he had stolen from you. It’s not like he needed them, he just wanted to see you come to him, begging for him to give them back. Obviously that hadn’t happened.  One day he had even moved over on the common room couch so you could sit down, which was unheard of; Bakugou moved for nobody. You had passed over the seat, and instead chose to sit on the floor next to Todoroki so you could ask him what he was doing. Bakugou had caused a ruckus as he left, not destroying anything but being extremely close.
He started inserting himself everywhere in your life. You didn’t know how he had figured you out, or if someone told him your schedule, but he always seemed to be in the same places at the same time you were. He never pulled anything, just glared at you from afar,  his presence threatening.  Of course you ignored him; he was just a spoiled little brat used to everyone bowing down at his feet. He wouldn’t intimidate you into doing the same.
You wished you hadn’t done that.
Spring break had come quickly, and the school was virtually empty. You had gotten special permission from Principal Nezu to be allowed to stay on campus during the break; You didn’t have anywhere else to go. Thats why waking up in a dark room, bound tightly with a gag shoved in your mouth, had you screaming and thrashing in fear. Had the LOV somehow captured you? Oh god, if they had, there would be no help coming, only Principal Nezu knew you had stayed and you promised you could take care of yourself.  What would they even want with a lowly UA student such as yourself?
Your racing thoughts were halted as the door slammed open and the lights flicked on, revealing the standard layout of a UA Dorm room. You twisted to glare at your captor, and immediately  knew that this would be so much worse than being captured by the LOV. Bakugou leaned against the wall, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he sneered down at your tied form.
“You’re gonna fucking wish you had paid attention to me, you little slut.”
He pushed himself off the wall, stalking over to sit down beside you on the bed. You yelled and tried to squirm away, but he grabbed one of the ropes encircling your chest and dragged you close to him so he could look you in the eyes. “You little bitch, acting like you’re better than me. No one’s better than I am. I’m gonna make sure that gets through your pretty little head.” 
Unceremoniously, he dropped your upper half back onto the bed, causing you to slightly bounce as he got up. He began rummaging around in a black bag he pulled out from his closet, and your fear spiked. You had just wanted Bakugou to leave you alone. You had seen how intently he had bullied Izuku, and you thought that ignoring him would make the blonde boy loose interest in teasing and scaring you. It had done the exact opposite. 
Bakugou’s hands were full of unfamiliar objects, things you couldn’t even begin to try putting together what they were used for or where they went. One object that you did recognize was the large, new bottle of lube. You knew what teenage boys were like, and Mina had no shame in telling you about her romps.  
You started crying.
Bakugou set the items down gently on the ground beside the bed, almost looking kind as he wiped away a couple of tears.
“Awww, is the little bitch scared? Are you scared of me?” His expression dropped into something much more predatory. “You fuckin’ should be. When I’m done with you, you won’t be able to walk. Now stop with the tears and shit, they aren’t gonna make me let you go.”  He scoffed, before leaning down to snatch up a pair of scissors from the pile of dropped items.
“Y’know, I’m really gonna enjoy this shit.  Your eyes will finally be on me. You’ll be begging and pleading and crying for me to stop, but I won’t.” He began snipping off your clothes, despite your muffled protests and angry wiggling. It’s not like that deterred him, in all honesty, he just thought it was cute.
“I wanted your attention so bad in the first place cause you’re so fucking perfect for me. Goddamn, you’re so sweet and gentle with everyone.  Although, I like how when we train you’d get ruthless and bloodthirsty and shit just for victory. Remember that time you landed Todoroki on his ass?” He gave a low chuckle, taking one final snip with the scissors as your ruined clothes fell away. You had been thrashing and moving about so desperately to get an edge, to maybe get in a position where you could kick him, or free your arms from the rope, that you had wiggled the gag down. You took in heaving breaths, drawing Bakugou’s attention to your face and away from your body. Instead of anger that you had gotten the gag loose, he smiled dangerously, his hand coming up to slap your cheek with only the slightest force behind it, just enough to make it sting.
“B-B-Bakugou….. please, I don’t-“ 
“Shh, I don’t care what you want. I want your eyes, on me, your attention on me. You’re mine now, and you won’t ever ignore me again, got that?”
“Bakugou Please!” You begged, “Please don’t hurt me, I’m sorry! This isn’t right you can’t-“
His laughter cut you off. It made you uneasy. He glanced over your body again, before locking eyes with you.
“oh, don’t worry. This won’t hurt at all. Well, it won’t hurt me. You? No, it’ll hurt really really bad.”
He leaned down close to you, pressing his clothed chest against your naked one as he bit your earlobe.
“But it’s okay……… you’ll love it.”
401 notes · View notes
dreamiehrs · 4 years
Text
be careful what you wish for... it may already be true ➛ l.jn
Tumblr media
lee jeno x reader ∗ fluff, witch!jeno, witch!y/n, gender neutral reader, fantasy!au ∗ length: 2,070 words
“jeno, don’t you think it’s ridiculous that you’re going to try to get y/n’s attention by a mere love potion? do you really think that’s gonna work on them?” renjun follows jeno closely in his basement, which was where jeno would make concoctions ranging from personality potions to death potions. he was quite the powerful potion maker, one of the most popular in the magic academy he attended.
renjun does his best not to trip over any equipment in jeno’s basement as jeno stands in front of a large wooden table, which was littered with tons of flasks, beakers, test tubes, pipettes, etc. if you could name it, it was probably on the table. jeno scoffs as he crouches down, finding his potion book in one of the drawers and pulling it out. “what’s the worst that could happen? why wouldn’t it work on them?”
“...the worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work and they could end up hating you forever! don’t you ever put this type of stuff into consideration?” renjun warns, watching as jeno studies each page of his brown leather book before flipping to the next page. his eyebrows furrow until he finds the page he was looking for, and walks around the table to his pantry, that was full of herbs and liquids to make his desired potion.
jeno chuckles, almost arrogantly, as he picks out a bottle full of rose leaves. “my potions never fail, junnie, you know this. I’m one of the best potion makers in this entire academy, so this potion definitely won’t backfire on me. if it does, I can just reverse it with one of my spells... however, I’m not really confident in spell-casting yet, so that may do more worse than good.” he hums to himself, picking out a few more things before turning back to face renjun.
“you’re too cocky for your own good, jeno. one day your potion is gonna fail on you, and you’re gonna have to face the consequences sooner or later. I’m not gonna stick along when that happens, so you’ll be all on your own when you have to deal with something like that.” renjun proclaims, now leaning against a wall with his dark brown owl familiar perched on his shoulder. renjun had named him owlvin because, well, it’s renjun we’re talking about here.
jeno slips on some gloves and gets to work on the potion, turning his oven on and filling up a medium pot full of water to make his potion with. “glad to know what type of friend you are, junnie.” he adds his ingredients one by one and starts to chant something quietly to himself as his concoction starts to lightly simmer.
renjun rolls his eyes, and owlvin snuggles up to his neck. this potion definitely wasn’t going to work, he thought to himself.
...
a few days later, after jeno had perfected his love potion to use on you, he seals it up in a light pink water bottle, so he wouldn’t mix it up with his regular water bottle. he was determined that this would work on you, and if it didn’t, he would resort to other ways to get you to fall in love with him.
you were a witch yourself, and although you would love nothing more than to get to know jeno, the famous potion maker at the academy, your friends had their suspicions about him.
“he acts so nice, but what if that’s all an act?” jisung mumbles beside you as the two of you were walking down the hallway, using his levitate spell to make the bag of popcorn levitate in front of himself. he pops a few pieces into his mouth, accidentally dropping some down onto the floor in the process.
“I beg to differ, sungie. I don’t think y/n would be interested in a guy who only fakes his kindness just to get rewards out of it, right, y/n?” chenle speaks up from your left, making sure to pick up any fallen popcorn pieces that jisung had accidentally knocked over.
you nod at his words, and jisung proceeds to catapult a popcorn piece at chenle’s head. chenle practically screams an “ow!” with his dramatic self, and luckily, the other students around you three didn’t even react, because they’re so used to chenle screaming for no reason now.
as the three of you enter the canteen, you come face-to-face with (speak of the devil) lee jeno. you do your best not to let your cheeks heat up as he looks at you expectantly. jisung stares him down from your right until chenle drags him off in another direction, giving you and jeno some privacy.
“y/n,” he breathes out, having to compose himself briefly before continuing. “I was wondering if you could do something for me?”
you raise an eyebrow before a chuckle leaves your mouth. “as long as it doesn’t have to do with cursing someone, then yes, I can probably do something for you, jen.”
his eyes widened. “of course not! I would never ask you to do something that dangerous... I wouldn’t want to put you in danger. anyways,” he pauses, pulling out a pink water bottle from his bag. “I was wondering if you could test out my luck potion for me?”
you take the bottle from his hands, inspecting the liquid inside of it. usually, luck potions were a gold-ish color, that would sparkle in the sunlight. however, this one was a rosy pink, which highly resembles a love potion. you were skeptical, to say the least, but knowing jeno, he wouldn’t pull off a stunt like this on you.
you nod, opening the cap of the bottle. “of course! I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow, alright?” he looks at you hopefully as you take a swig of the drink, almost cringing at how sweet it was. you send him a smile, and he seems relieved as you do so.
“right. see you tomorrow!” he runs off into the canteen to spill what he did to renjun, while you glance warily at the drink in your hands.
...
“...so? did it work?” renjun questions a few days later in the canteen, stabbing his fork in a piece of watermelon before popping it into his mouth. jeno sat there dejectedly in front of him, his tray still full of food as he picked at it occasionally. “hey, if you don’t eat now, you’re gonna end up regretting it later.”
jeno groans, pushing his hair back in frustration. “I don’t know! the day after I gave her the potion, she told me that it didn’t seem to work, and she gave me back my water bottle, which was half full of the potion.”
“wait... what potion did you tell her you were giving to her?” renjun deadpans, and owlvin coos when he sees jeno still.
jeno gulps. “I... uh... may have told her that it was a luck potion instead of a love potion...” he mumbles, and he can hear renjun sigh from in front of him. when he looks up, he notices that owlvin is facepalming with his left wing at jeno’s confession.
“you know you have to tell them eventually, right? it’s unfair that they don’t know it was actually a love potion... I mean, maybe they already figured that out, since they’re a witch as well.”
renjun was right, as always, and owlvin nodded his head in his agreement with renjun’s words. jeno groaned once again, tangling his fingers in his hair as he realized he’s messed up, and bad. you probably already knew that it was a love potion just from how he saw you examining it, so why didn’t you decline testing his potion? “you’re probably right, junnie. why haven’t they said anything, thou–”
“jeno?” he’s interrupted by your voice, and he flinches before glancing to his left, where you were now seated. renjun silently chuckles to himself as jeno’s draw practically drops, and he has to do his best to cover up his grinning face as he watches the two of you from the sidelines.
“y-yes?” jeno stutters within your presence, and you give him a sweet smile to soothe his nerves.
“can we talk about something, please? in private?” you send a glance in renjun’s direction, and jeno seems to pick up on that immediately. he turns to be met with renjun’s knowing look, and that’s all it takes for jeno to nod his head before glancing back at you.
jeno stands up and grasps your hand, pulling you up with him gently. “of course. let’s go to the courtyard.” he states, and as the two of you walk to the courtyard together, he can feel his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. even though he seemed composed conversing with you on the outside, he could feel himself practically exploding on the inside.
...
you two find a bench to sit down comfortably onto, and you turn your body towards him. “I wanted to talk to you about that potion that I tested out for you a few days ago. I know you said it was a luck potion when you gave it to me, but when I inspected it further, it resembled more of a love potion.”
he nods, playing with his hands nervously as he meets your gaze. it wasn’t an angry, disappointed glint that flashed through your eyes like he had expected. your gaze was soft as you looked at him, waiting for his next move. he was briefly surprised, and he made up his mind in a matter of seconds. “I’m sorry, y/n. it’s as exactly as you had assumed. it was a love potion that I had given you a few days ago, and for why I did so, it’s because I... I have had a crush on you for the past three years, and no matter how much time I would spend around you, trying to get you to have mutual feelings for me as well, it never seemed to work out. I know it was messed up, to give you a love potion without you knowing, and I hope you’ll forgive me for what I’ve done.”
his head hangs low as he studies the ground underneath him, not noticing how you have a huge smile on your face. “I already knew it was a love potion, jen. also, don’t worry, I forgive you.”
his head whips up to meet your gaze. “y-you knew?” he stammers out, his cheeks flushing a pink when he sees you nod.
“I knew it from the start, just from taking a good look at the liquid’s color. so, I wasn’t surprised that it wouldn’t work on me, mainly because I knew what it was already, but also because of another reason...” you trail off.
“another reason? w-what’s that?”
you scoot closer to him, and his eyes widen at the proximity between you two. “because love potions don’t work on someone when they’re already in love.”
“you’re already in love? with who?” he wonders, seeing how your eyes sparkle as you gaze at him. you hold back a chuckle at his question, and he looks at you, confused.
“oh, jen, you’re almost as oblivious as you’re confident. I thought it was obvious from the start, from the day the two of us had met, but if I have to spell it out for you, then so be it. I’m in love with you, jeno.” you use your hand to gently push away the hair that had fallen close to his eyes, and he locks eyes with you after you say this.
he couldn’t believe his ears, and his eyes for that matter, as you slowly started leaning in closer to him, your eyes flickering down to glance at his lips and then back up at him. when your lips collide with his, fireworks explode in his stomach as he cups one of your cheeks with his hand, eventually relaxing into the kiss.
as he’s having his moment with you, he realizes something. maybe he didn’t have to go through all of that work to get you to fall for him when you already were.
the universe works in certain ways to bring two people together, and luckily, for you and jeno, you didn’t have to do much to be brought together naturally.
200 notes · View notes
Text
Intertwined(Hermitcraft)
Notes! @gridoc Pirate AU belongs to this fantastic person! Okay so, for those reading not on the pirate au discord. (Keep in mind this info is only giant headcanon in the Pirate AU discord that Me and a few others developed on!) Mim is NPC Grian. In this AU he is a siren. His true name is Xelqua, but when he joined Doc’s crew he took on the name of Mim(A joke on Mimic because he’s a Siren who was a Mimic of Grian) And the rest of that story you can read IF YOU JOIN THE DISCORD BECAUSE ITS REALLY FUN!!~ Anyways, enjoy. TW: Descriptions of blood, violence against Sirens, Navy just being assholes, and some swearing As dark water sloshed all around him, Etho couldn't tell what was happening. One moment he was on board beside Doc- discussing plans as they left the dock- the next he was falling and drowning in the frigid, empty water. He could see the fiery red explosions of cannons going off. He could hear the muffled shouts of the others on board and gunshots ringing- bullets whizzing through the water around him. When he caught his bearings, Etho swam frantically for the surface; almost reaching it before feeling a chain snag his ankle. It dragged him down, heavy and painful making his angle burn like it was engulfed in fire. A splash was heard beside him, and before long the weight around his ankle was relieved; arms wrapping around him and dragging him to the surface. He broke the surface and ripped off his mask, gasping sharply as he gulped up the warm air. Etho swam to the beach frantically, grabbing pulling himself onto the grainy surface as he coughed and sputtered. "Etho!!" His head snapped to the voice, relieved to see familiar clear blue eyes piercing his own. The Siren was like an angel, the fire in the night outlining his true form like a halo. Mim held his face so gingerly, thumbs rubbing his cheeks with a worried expression, "M-mim- what- what happened?" His voice was shaky, still out of it, "Navy? I think- I'm not sure but whatever it is, its bad-" Etho shook his head, ears still ringing, "Shit, alright-" Mim nodded, "I will sing and lure the others I can away- you just get to Doc." Before he could respond, Mim pulled him close and kissed his lips softly, making Etho melt a bit before he pulled back, "I love you..." Something gripped at Etho's heart as he suddenly felt that separating was a bad idea- anxiety filling his gut- but he didn't listen. "I love you too." With that, Mim slipped into the water and disappeared. ___________ His sword piercing the belly of yet another Navy soldier, Etho's eyes searched the dark abyss of the water for that familiar shimmering tail. He ran to the rail, watching frantically until he recognized Mim in the water heading to the shore. Etho ran off the ship to meet him, deducing that the coast was clear. He could see Mim crawl out of the water. He could see the Navy sailor creeping up behind him. Yet His voice wasn't fast enough. "MI-" The siren looked to him, and in that moment the spear plunged into his back. The blade broke through the other side, blue blood spurting and staining the sand below, running down from the wound in thick streams. Etho watched his eyes widen in pain as a soft noise escaped his mouth. With the sickening sound of the blade being ripped out, and the sound of the Navy man sneering, he broke- everything turning red. Etho lost it. When he came to his senses, the navy soldier was barely recognizable- face bashed in with a rock that Etho didn't even know he had gotten. A pained groaned reached his ears and his attention was drawn back to Mim, eyes wide as he saw the siren lying on the beach, blood gushing from the wound in his torso. He ran to his side, frantic as he pulled Mim to him, "D-Darling?" Mim's voice was broken, leaning into Etho's hand as he cupped his face, "Yes- Yes I'm here, I'm here Mim..." Etho tried to keep his voice steady as put pressure on the wound, eyes watering, "I-it- it hur-t's-" Etho's heart broke into pieces as he gazed down at his lover, heart-clenching his pain as he tried to keep himself from breaking down, "No...No no no- You'll- You're going to be okay Mim, please..." he scooped up the small siren, holding him tight as he bolted for the ship. "Get Stress!! Please!!" Most of the crew turned from their celebration, and quickly the mood turned from joyful to solemn. Grian was the first rush over, False running to get Stress, "What happened?!" "He- He got snuck up on while shifting-" Ren ran below deck to clear a bed for them, Etho following close behind. The moment Mim was laid on the bed, in began to stain brightly with the turquoise blood, the mans heart weeping at the sight. He lent over the bed as the others rushed with supplies. "E-eth...o..." A hand cupped his face, soft as Etho began to feel warm tears slip down his face. Mim forced Etho to look at him, giving him a broken smile as blood trickled from his mouth. "It...s...Oka-y....." "No- no..." The words were breathy as Etho felt hot crimson blood slipping through his fingers, the light slowly leaving his lover's eyes. It was too much- not even yesterday he was had been gazing into the nightsky with Mim, and now his one true heart's desire was dying in his arms. "Please, you can't leave me- not yet- you promised, w-we had plans!" Stress ran down the stairs, rushing over with supplies as she nudged Etho to the side. He kneeled by Mim's face, crying as he tried to whisper sweet nothings to the other, "I love you...I love you so much Mim-" "Dancing at a ball- I-i wanted you to see beautiful lands, W-we- we wanted to get married in the summer- you wanted me to try swimming with- with dolphins and-" He whimpered quietly, "I don't w-want to be alone again..." Etho felt like a child, weeping and blabbering by his mothers side again as she bleed out of the cold wood floors. The scene so vivid in his mind- the angry shouting, the screaming on his mother as she was beat, and sobs of his father when he found her- he didn't want to be alone in these thoughts. He didn't want to be crammed in that cupboard again, watching someone rip his light from his life through a small crack in the door, frozen in fear as a meek child. It couldn't happen again. As Stress finished stitching and patching the wound, she got up and whispered something to Ren, who looked solemn. The man walked over, reaching and giving Etho’s shoulder a squeeze, "He's lost so much blood...Stress...doesn't think he'll make it-" "He will." Etho snapped, glaring at Ren, making the man falter and his ears flattened back. Without another word, he backed up and turned back to Stress, muttering quietly to her. "Et...ho...?" The pirate turned to Mim, leaning forward, "Yes?" The siren smiled softly, "Ca-can...I...ha...ve...a kiss...?" His voice was scratchy from coughing and Etho couldn't bring himself to deny the request as he leaned forward. He gently pressed his lips to Mim's gently, tears slipping down his face. When he pulled back, Mim shed one more tear. "I....l-lov....e....you..." Etho whimpered, "Xelqua..." The name was so broken and quiet as it left his lips, not yet ready to accept what was happening to his lover. His heart stopped as he watched a single breath leave his lips as he went limp. "Mim?" No response came, "Mim!!" Etho cried out in pain as he stood and shook the body, "No! NO!" He sobbed as Doc and Ren pulled him back from the body, kicking and struggling, "No! He's not dead yet!! Please!!" "Etho, its alright- he's gone, there's nothing we can do about it please-" Doc's voice was soft, heart aching at the sight of his broken friend and the siren on the bed. After a minute, Etho went limp and he sobbed- everything around him coming crashing down. "Please...I'm begging here- To whatever God is listening, Xisuma- Amusix-...please let him live...""Well that depends. Why do you want him to live?" Everyone in the room looked to a tall man in a long cloak who stood before Etho, his figure dark and imposing over them all. Without hesitation, Etho answered through sobs, "He's...I love him...I love him so much-" "Typical. But What would you do, to have him back hm?" There was a hint of amusement in the mans tone, prompting Ren to stand and draw his sword in anger, "I don't know how you got here, but I want you to leave now before I-" The man snapped his head to Ren, piercing red eyes meeting the lycans, making him freeze, "You do not scare me in the slightest, mortal." Startled, Ren backed up once more, thrown in a loop with the mans tone. He turned to Etho once more, "So?" "Anything. I would do anything..." "Even if it meant the cost of your own life?" Etho didn't need to think twice. "Yes..." The man snorted in amusement, "Then it is done." He reached toward the empty air in front of Etho before clenching his hand and pulling back firmly. Etho felt his heart tug in his chest, pain erupting as the man opened his hand to reveal a ball of red light. "This is your soul. I'm willing to make a deal with you- I'll revive him! But you must give him part of your soul. Taking your soul and giving it away will however kill you. So?" "Etho, no this- this isn't worth-" Stress began and Etho gulped, ignoring her and staring before he stood, looking the man in the eyes, "Deal." Eyes widening, the man smirked, "Then it has been done." He snapped his fingers and Etho prepared for the pain, heart racing. Pain never came. There was a soft groan and a loud gasp of air, everyone looking to the Siren as he coughed and sputtered. Etho ran beside him, embracing Mim tightly as he broke down again, "I-i..im alive?" Stress and Ren were in shock, confused as they waited for the other part of the deal to take effect. The man chuckled, looking to them, "Oh how I adore loopholes. I said giving up his whole soul would kill him- but I was only taking part~" Mim took one look at the man and gaped, "Amu? Wha...?" "I wouldn't let my best friend die on me Mim. You know this...I just wanted to test something." Amusix's eye glinted with mischief, and he turned to make his way out from the deck, "He's a keeper, Mim..." Mim glanced at the man who was sobbing into his shoulder and smiled softly, hugging him back tightly as he teared up, "Yea...he really is..."
41 notes · View notes
mortaljin · 6 years
Text
Meadows Part Five
Word Count: 9.5k Warnings: Curse words Genre: All the damned angst and disoriented fluffy Hoseok. Fairy!Au Pairing: Hoseok x female reader.
Summary: He doesn’t remember. You. He. Doesn’t. Remember. You. Sure you were able to skip out on waiting another three full months for your fairy lover, but at what cost? Will believe you when you explain what happened? Will he even be the same? And why is the queen a little angry to see you today?
A/N: Yes, I know, I’m extending the list to likw part 10 at this point. Heres part five guys! I hope it can tie you over for a while since I’ll be going slightly MIA for a couple weeks! Please leave me your thoughts, questions, and love. I’d love to hear what you think about it xx
 Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Epilogue 
Masterlist
Tumblr media
Hoseok’s POV
Why was I born a fairy? Hoseok’s red hair floated around him as warm light radiated through him. I wish Y/N could be here with me, or I with her. It was no surprise to find that his reincarnation period would again hold a world full of warm isolation. Before meeting you, Hoseok felt as though he was slowly flying through the immensely thick air, he knows better though and understands that it is the blissful feeling that can only relate to swimming. I can’t believe Y/N pushed me into that pool. Too bad I could only stand all that water for a short time. Hoseok’s face felt like it was warming, either by the light or by the enamored feelings that he felt for you. Sometimes I wish I had the dark, cooling reincarnation that Jimin says he has. He felt nothing short of love and joy at the present moment, thoughts filled with growth, positivity, and love. Thoughts filled with you. I’m so excited to reincarnate and come of age. I hope she still wants me. In an attempt to calm his racing heart, Hosoek tried to place his palm to his chest; the density of the world he was floating through made his movements slow, relaxing him even more. You were so beautiful, Y/N. Did you know that? Even in the midst of a mental breakdown, threatening to smash that pot to smithereens, you were still the prettiest being I’ve ever seen. His thoughts flew to the shocked look on your face when you first heard his voice, and for once he was grateful that he reincarnated abnormally small that night. He thought about how he kept himself hidden from you at first, not being able to reveal himself until he had seen your intentions. How did you not realize how special that seed was? The low rumble of a chuckle that ran through Hoseok’s chest at your naivety remind him of the buzz of crickets in the meadows. Thank you for switching me out of that damned pot. One, it was making reincarnation painful, and two I just wanted to be grown enough to speak to you. He had never had to tell someone about himself like the way he did with you. Other fairies didn’t need to be told how their life works, but you, you wanted to know everything. So. Many. Questions. He didn’t mind, he almost wanted to beg you to ask more questions for the sake of hearing your voice. At first, he cringed, and then his heart soared when he thought of the first time you called him ‘Hobi.’ How beautifully dumb. He had heard all his life that he was the epitome of sunshine, and to an extent, he believed those people; trying his best to be as kind and understanding as possible. Do you know that you’re actually my sunshine? He thought about what you were doing while he was gone; if Namjoon and Jimin were treating you well, and if his parents were warming up to you. Then, he thought about how he wouldn’t be there for Christmas, nor New Year’s, nor Valentine’s. Is it bad that I almost hope you left, and never looked back? You deserve the normal life that I cannot give you. Hoseok knew what kind of lessons you’d be going through while he was gone. There was definitely going to be some school, sorry love, and he could almost hear your groans. He wasn’t completely certain, but he wouldn’t put it past his mother to turn you into her mini princess. Don’t change too much for my mother, Y/N, I fell in love with a human, not a fairy, remember that. The thought of you in your lavender celebration gown, however, made you look like you were a fairy. Minus the wings of course. You looked ethereal, so beautiful. I’m sorry that the other girls were shooting daggers at you all night, but they had cause to be jealous. At the thought of the purple dress, his thoughts wandered to the beautiful, but definitely not fairylike, memories. He thought of the way your fingers were shaking a tad bit, just like his; how he felt the fire of your feelings for him under your gaze; how a single touch of your lips, your fingertips, sent him into a fury of sensations. I was worried that it wouldn’t feel right, I had never done that before. But I think, you enjoyed yourself; you certainly sounded like you did. As humorous as we both found it that I accidentally stumbled across those videos on your laptop, I have no doubt that I’m ever living it down. Do you know how it felt to be so close to you? While it was the best physical pleasure I’ve felt in my life, I- Hoseok was getting a little emotional at the joyous thoughts he was relishing in over you. Crying tears of joy was definitely a mannerism of yours that he had picked up. I have never felt so connected to someone before, Y/N. I could feel it in my soul, my soul Y/N, that you’re it. I have no doubt in my mind that the Mother Tree will bond us now, because things that are not meant to be do not feel like that. Hosoek let his heart be filled to the brim with the feelings that you brought him; tears truly did fall from his eyes and he let out a deep laugh at how beautifully childish he felt right now. I’m going to come of age soon, and a few days after that I will take you to the Mother Tree, I will get down on one knee like humans normally do it, I will do whatever you want, as long as you’ll be mine. As he made his resolve he allowed the warmth of his reincarnation period lull him to sleep in anticipation of seeing your beautiful face again.
But the next time he opened his eyes, it wasn’t to your face. It wasn’t to anything. The once beautifully lit world around him looked as though it was colorful, rainbow glass that was shattering. The feeling didn’t resonate well with him, and he longed to feel your arms around him and use your sweet voice to calm him down. Wait, why can’t I remember what you sound like right now? The first color, green, shattered and floated into a forming black abyss. Think Hoseok, her voice. The way you would catch her dancing through the halls of her apartment singing. He started to draw a blank on his home as well, even losing your balcony garden. Why is blue disappearing too? Slowly, purple then started to break away, relieving Hoseok of the memories of your touch.  What is going on? Why am I losing my memories, is something happening to my seed? Did it not get planted? Red, don’t. Don’t go. Hoseok made a feeble attempt to catch the red shards of light, but the attempt proved futile as it dissipated through his fingers. Why can’t I stop this, damn it! His words came out as nothing, forcing him to voice his sorrow in his mind. As the red ceased to exist, so did his memory of your face. Leaving him with your name, and all the love he felt for you. Remember that time we made wishes on the dandelions? He eyed the world around him carefully, looking at the two remaining colors, orange and yellow, with torment. Fuck, I don’t know what I’m going to lose next Y/N. I don’t know if I’ll lose everything about you. I don’t know why I can remember everything else, apart from my life with you, so perfectly. Y/N, please do not cry if I can’t remember you. I promise you, our souls are too entwined to be separated at this point. Orange was the slowest color to break away so far, taking its bittersweet time of relieving Hoseok of his final memories of you. What did you wish for on your dandelion, Y/N? He summoned all his energy and willpower into his arms that felt like lead; with painstakingly slow movements, and a watchful eye on the fading orange, he reached his hand to his neck, breaking the string of flowers from it. Y/N, I hope this will mean something when I can’t remember you. Your ring will not die, and I hope now, neither will mine. He took the string, wrapping it around his left ring finger, pouring his love for you into it as well. It solidified within seconds, giving Hoseok time to relax as best as he could as he waited for more darkness to take over him. I wished for a long life with you. I think that was the day I realized I was in love with you. I love you, Y/N. I wish I had given you a nickname, maybe I could remember you when I wake up if I had. I love you, Y/N. Hoseok repeated his feelings for you on a pitiful cycle. I love you, Y/N, as the final pieces of orange broke away, leaving the touch of yellow to illuminate his misery. I love you… What is your name? I love you, but I don’t know who it is that I’m loving? The question swam through his mind, feeling his love for you surging through him, yet not having anyone to connect the love to. His gaze fell upon the pieces of yellow that began to crumble around him. I don’t know what’s happening, or why but, it was getting harder for him to breath, both from the tears that were overcoming his body as well as the sensation of suffocating that had slowly been washing over him. I know I love you, whoever you are. My heart is beating so hard at the thought of whoever you are, whatever you look like. He closed his eyes, searching for the person he loved behind his eyelids. You never came to him. Instead, the world around him, a dark abyss with only the faintest piece of yellow remaining, flashed around him. Being consumed once more by light, he prepared himself to reincarnate in hopes of finding the mysterious person who had apparently stolen his heart. Whoever you are, I love you. I love you. I love you… my dandelion.
Your POV
“Who are you?” As the words full of confusion rolled out of his mouth, your heart clenched in agony as you realized the consequence of his cycle being prolonged. “Again, why are you crying?” Despite having no recollection of who you are, his true nature still shined brightly.
“Hobi I-” The thought of him not even remembering your nickname for him caused your sentence to come up short, sobs coursing through your chest again.
“And again, my name isn’t Hobi, human.” Had it been any other fairy calling you by the title of your species, you would’ve been angered. Since it was Hoseok, however, with your heart still in his hands and the lack of malice in his voice, you let it slide.
“Hoseok, can you do the fairy dust thing?” Your request came out as a hoarse whisper, and his eyes widened at the statement. “To calm me down, I mean.”
“How do you know I can do that?” The gaze he had on you was one of suspicion and interrogation, yet you couldn’t find it in yourself to search for negativity in his eyes.
“Just d-do it. So, I can exp-plain, p-please.” Still eyeing you carefully he nodded softly, flying above you in quick motions. Both the sight of the red dust, as well as their effects had stopped your tears within minutes.
“I have a lot of questions for you.” Still sat against the wall on the floor, you nodded your head to let him know that you had expected as much. “Who are you?”
“My name is Y/N.”
“Where are we?” Eyes drifting around your bedroom, they landed on the flower pot with his newly bloomed flower that had been set to the side of you.
“This is my home. Well, it was supposed to be temporary until we went back to our home in another city.”
“What do you mean we? Our home?” His eyebrows were raised in disbelief at the mention of the two of you being connected to each other in any way. You simply nodded. “Am I supposed to know who you are?”
“Yes.” His question wasn’t meant to be offensive, but you couldn’t help but let it cut through you anyways. “That’s why I’m crying, Hobi. You don’t remember who I am.”
“Why do you keep calling me Hobi?”
“It was a nickname I gave you last year, not long after we met.”
“Last year?” His eyes seemed to want to pop out of his skull at the mention of the time span. “I don’t know what’s going on, Y/N.” Just the sound of your name on his tongue was enough to send you into a fit of tears again because you knew it didn’t hold the same significance that it used to. “Wait, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry I’m just so confused.”
“I know, I am too. When you didn’t show up on the spring equinox after Jimin left, I’ve been trying to figure out where you were.”
“Jimin? How do you know Jimin?”
“He’s uh.” You weren’t exactly sure how to describe your relationship with the pink fairy to the one who doesn’t remember you. “He’s my best friend, I guess. When Namjoon left shortly after you did, Jimin was the only one there for me during the fairy classes and the royal lessons your mother gave me.”
“Wait, what?” A look of complete shock ran through him at the mention of Namjoon and the classes. “You’ve been to my village?”
“Hoseok, I pretty much live there.” Your voice was stern at this point, and you were trying your best to not let your anger boil up and explode.
“That’s not possible. How did you get in?” That was the question that elicited a bark of sarcastic laughter.
“You let me in.” The eyes that had been staring at the ground had now shot straight up to meet your own.
“I did what?” He shook his head, almost as if he couldn’t believe that he was talking to a human let alone invited one into his village. “Y/N. Who are you supposed to be to me?”
“Hobi,” this is what drew the line on the anger and sadness bubbling up at your bottom eyelashes. Tears fell again in hot streaks down your cheeks and you tried to give him your most genuine smile. Holding up your left hand, you showed him the ring on your finger, one he knew was the work of a fairy. “I was going to be your life mate.”
This confession had him absolutely floored as he gazed at the ring on your finger. As if in a panic, he began to fly aimlessly around the room like a human would pace. You watched with a broken heart as Hoseok muttered questions to himself, rubbing his temples all the while. After a few minutes of this, he flew back to you with more things rolling off his tongue.
“I’m sorry I don’t remember you.” He reached out his own left hand in an attempt to wipe the tears from your face, only gasping in shock when he noticed what was on his own finger. “What is this? Did you put this on me?” Glancing down to his left hand, you made out a ring of small flowers, ones you remembered perfectly.
“Hoseok! These are the flowers you were wearing around your neck when you disappeared into your seed in December!”
“Do you think I did this when I was waiting to reincarnate?”
“Do you think it’s something you would have? Do you remember anything from when you were in the seed?” Your questions were full of hope, but they were destroyed when he just shook his head.
“I don’t think so. Well, I just don’t know. I remember feeling a lot of things.” He looked at you and almost shrunk under your sorrowful gaze. “They were good things, I think they were about a person. A girl.” A small smile came to your face, but he only frowned. “But you’re a human. I’ve never met a human before. I just remember these warm feelings a love and-” he stopped himself, shaking his head.
“Hobi, what is it? What else do you remember?”
“Dandelions.” His face had gone blank of expression as he threw out what he thought was an irrelevant word.
“You mean our dandelions?” A breath of excitement caught in your throat and a little sliver of hope had been planted in you again.
“I don’t know. Do dandelions mean something to us?” His innocent question had you giggling at the memory.
“I had to explain to you what they were, and then we made wishes together on our wishing flowers!”
“I see,” he hummed in response, “what did we wish for?”
“We never told each other, we’re not supposed to.” A sigh was the only sound you had made after that, a tense silence coming between you too.
“Well, I’m dumb then.”
“Hobi, do you even believe me? Or do you think I’m just crazy?” You sniffled when you asked him the most important question of the evening. For once, the face that you had spent a total of hours observing, studying, and figuring out was unreadable. You couldn’t tell what emotions he was feeling if any at all. To your pleasant surprise, Hoseok reached up to scratch his nose; an idiom that you realized months ago he did whenever he was in deep thought about something. At least he’s thinking about it. You could’ve told yourself that the reason why you had crossed your fingers, and even your toes, was an attempt to pop the knuckles. That would be a lie, and you know it would be a lie to say that you were doing anything but praying to the Fates that he believed you. Even telling me that he’s willing to try to fall in love with me again would suffice.
“I do.” His words barely had the ability to pull you out of your thoughts, causing you to hear the complete opposite reply.
“Hobi I-” your face had fallen until you saw his face turn into that beautifully dumb grin, “wait, what? You believe me? Why?”
“I reincarnate, tell you I can’t remember you when you say that we’re gonna be life-mates, and then you question me when I say I believe you?” You hid your face in embarrassment because he was right. His tone, however, was the same one he used in that first conversation when he was baffled by you asking for his name. “You want to know why I believe you?”
“Yes.”
“One,” he held up a finger, “we have obviously met. You know that I have red fairy dust, and you’ve apparently met my village already.” You nodded your head in agreement. “Two. No matter how many times I told you my name was Hoseok, you still called me Hobi. There’s no explanation as to why that name would feel so natural to you if you’ve never used it before.” You laughed because it was natural to you. “Three. These rings. You claim that you saw me wearing these flowers around my neck. You don’t seem to be the kind of person who can make up stories on the spot like that,” this warranted a flick to his head, causing him to topple over. At first, you were worried you hurt him until he started squeaking with laughter. “Ow! Have you always done that?”
“Only when you’re deserving of it. Which is often.”
“Gah, you’re something else.” He smiled, shaking his head, and the playful banter itself had your heart soaring. “Your ring, however, I do not remember doing it, but I know I did.” You shot him a questioning eyebrow raise to which he continued explaining. “I can feel the power radiating from it, the life force, and I know it’s mine. Knowing that those things decay once they’re taken off, there’s no way you could have gotten that ring from anyone else and have it still been intact.”
“So, what now?” He looked at you in silence, pondering your question. Suddenly, he was grabbing your hand in an attempt to tug you to your feet. Standing at once, he found himself lazily lounging on the same shoulder again. This time, you did not stiffen or shrink in fear; you were in total acceptance of his touch, and how comfortable he already was to do this, again. “Dandelion, you are a mess. I’m a fairy but I know humans need to sleep too.” When you sat on your bed, he flew off your shoulder and left the room, allowing you to change out into night clothes.
“Hoseok, I left the window open for you. It took a long time before you stayed in the house with me, so I figured I’d do this for you again in case you didn’t want to.”
“Thank you, dandelion. Can I call you that? It feels more natural to me than your name for some reason.” You giggled for a moment before letting him know it was fine.
“Goodnight, Hobi. And uh,” you fumbled with the sheets of your bed for a moment as you thought about what to say next, “thank you for believing me. I know I must sound crazy.”
“Honestly? Even if I didn’t believe you, I’d pretend that I did anyway. Because you are the prettiest being I’ve ever seen and if I’ve made you fall in love with me once, I’m gonna do it even better this time.”
Without even waiting for a reply, he flew out the window to do who knows what, leaving you in a puddle of goo in your bed. After a few moments of giddy squealing and sore cheeks, you let your smile fall from your face to give yourself the chance to rest. Despite how horribly wrong life had turned for you; no matter how disappointed you were that you had to build the relationship from scratch; no matter what difficulty laid ahead, you knew that you could get through it, just like you got through these past few months. As you drifted off into sleep, you figured you would dream of the meadows again. Instead, you dreamt of your redheaded fairy and the seed of hope that had been planted inside you.
April 21st
When you woke up the next morning, it was to the sound of breaking glass and groans of frustration. During the brief moments that it took for you to recognize the noise, your sleep-filled eyes darted towards the empty windowsill. The windowsill is empty. Code red signals flashed through your mind as you were automatically thrown into overdrive when you made the connection between the noises down the hall and the missing flower pot. The thought to put on more appropriate clothing to confront the intruder in your home only passed through your mind as you flew out your bedroom door. With only your underwear and one of Hoseok’s shirts on, you met the enemy with a shout that would soon be followed by a howl of laughter.
“What the fuck are you doing in my-” but your threatening question was cut off midway as you soaked in the hilarity of the sight you stumbled upon.
You were quickly able to register the source of the broken glass; a couple of your drinking glasses had been shifted onto the floor from their usual place by the sink. Next was the missing flower pot that was currently sitting in the sink itself, with a stream of water flowing into it. The source of the miserable groans? A three-foot Hoseok standing on one of your dining table chairs. On one hand, the chaotic scene was adorable and humorous, on the other hand, however, you felt as though you were ready to have a heart attack at any given moment. Plus, you were now short two pieces of dishware, and you began to notice the drooping of Hoseok’s wings even before he did.
“Y/N” His face was full of fear at being caught in the midst of his shenanigans, but you couldn’t help but soften, slightly, at his deepening voice.
“Hoseok!” Carefully scrambling over the broken glass, you hurriedly shut off the tap. “You can’t water yourself that much or else you’ll drown!” With a grunt of frustration, you picked up the soaking flower and placed it on your porch to let the sun dry it. On the way back, you grabbed a broom and dustpan to clean up the mess. “Don’t touch it, Hobi.”
Hoseok had already gotten off the chair to clean up after himself when you returned to the kitchen, but you were afraid he’d cut himself on the glass. Watching his half-grown body shuffle the chair back to the table had you suppressing a chuckle. I’m still mad at you, damn it. After a few minutes, you could see his wings visibly brighten and perk back up from the overdose of water they had received. It looked as though Hoseok was walking on eggshells because he timidly shifted from foot to foot as he watched you clean up the remaining pieces of glass.
“I’m sorry about the glasses, Y/N.” Hoseok turned his head down in shame, but you couldn’t help but pull him into a hug.
“It’s okay, don’t feel bad,” when you pulled away you ran your head through his hair to which he grinned, “this isn’t the first time you’ve destroyed something of mine.”
“What do you mean?” With a blank expression, Hoseok visibly gulped as you recalled a story to him.
“For one, you destroyed dozens of shirts. You get way too excited about things and your wings just fly out of nowhere. You’ve also destroyed a couple of the vegetable pots that I bought for you.”
“Vegetable pots?”
“Goodness, you really don’t remember anything do you?” He simply shook his head when an idea came to your mind. “Holy shit, Hoseok! I don’t know why I didn’t think of this already!”
You were flying down the hallway to your bedroom again, this time in excitement instead of fear. I’m an idiot, I should have shown him this last night! Flinging your closet door open, you were immediately jumping for the small box that had been tucked away for safety during Hoseok’s reincarnation. You smiled to yourself as you hugged the box closely to your chest, and met him on your bed.
“I know you already said you believed me about our past, but I just remembered to show you these. Take a look.”
You pressed the box into his hands and lifted the lid, causing his eyes to go wide. He pulled out the few pictures of the two of you that you had bothered to get printed off. The first one that he pulled out was a photo of the night he met your parents. Your mother had snapped a picture while the two of you had remained at the dinner table to finish your conversation; you were in the middle of laughing and Hoseok’s face was resting in his palm as he looked at you with adoration. You had scolded your mother for the candid but then proceeded to beg her to send it to you. The next one he pulled out, and his face scrunched up in embarrassment. It was a picture of you two on the train to find his village; Hoseok was fast asleep, slumped over on your shoulder while you held the flower in your lap. He gave you one of those “are you serious,” looks, but grabbed the last photo without a word. You knew which photo this was going to be, so you readied yourself for his reaction. This was the picture you had taken that day in the park when he discovered the dandelions; Hoseok was laid out amongst the yellow weeds with his eyes closed and a wide grin on his face.
“These are,” he jutted his tongue out to wet his lips as he thought about his words. “These are the dandelions, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are,” you couldn’t help the smile that rose to your eyes, “do you remember this day?”
“No,” but he just shook his head in response. “They seem really familiar, though. You made me really happy, didn’t you?”
“If I could make you half as happy as you made, make, me, then I think I’d have accomplished something.” He looked at you with a soft smile before speaking again.
“Y/N,” he started slowly, “when can we go back to my village?” The question shouldn’t have hurt you as much as it did, but you still understood.
“We can go back when you’re fully grown. Is that okay?” The nod was followed by a broad smile, and you still couldn’t fathom how he was the embodiment of the sun. “When do you think you’ll be full grown?”
“Honestly? I’ve never grown this fast before. Maybe by tonight or tomorrow?” He gave a shrug of his shoulders to show you that he was uncertain.
“That’s alright too. I have work in a little bit, but I’ll be back tonight. Can you please behave and not break anything else?” The sheepish grin he gave you made your heart thump and you wanted nothing more than to just kiss him.
“Of course. Also?” His question had stopped you as you walked into the bathroom to get ready for work. You hummed in acknowledgment of his question. “I’m glad you’re the person I woke up to.”
You could only give him a shy smile that was barely a small fraction of how wonderful you felt inside. Work passed in the blink of an eye that day. Tina had obviously questioned you about your sudden disappearance the night before; you gave a short summary of who the hot customer was to you, but the idea didn’t faze you as you thought about your fairy waiting for you at home. How amazing is that? You hummed along to the music playing overhead as you prepared a few cups of coffee for a table that just came in. Jackson comes in and makes me freak out, and I go home and wake up my sleeping beauty. It’s like all I had to do was cry on the soil. The moment that thought ran through your mind, you stopped dead in your tracks. A subtle connection between the book and the events last night squeezed their way into your mind. Then you remembered the night you cried over his flower pot the first time. Do I have to be that vulnerable? How dorky can this fairytale I’m living in get? Despite the oddity of the situation, you shook your head and put on your customer service smile that was finally completely genuine.
“Hobi!” You called as you stepped through the front door, only to find it alarmingly quiet.
The majority of the lights were still off in the house, and so you cautiously went through, turning them on one by one. As you reached your bedroom, the panic that had been biding its time inside you begun to slip away as you heard Hoseok’s soft, melodic voice from inside the bathroom. The minute you had changed out of your work clothes and into your sleepwear, you sat against the wall next to the bathroom door. I’m glad he remembered that he knows how to sing. A giggle left your lips as you mentally praised yourself for what you thought had been a good joke. After a few moments, you allowed yourself to be reminded of more loving memories that you held in your heart of Hoseok.
“Y/N,” Hoseok called out to you one morning as the sun began to fill your sleepy eyes. Turning over to your side, you peered up at the redheaded man next to you; he had propped himself up on one elbow and seemed to be observing you quite intently. A brief smile passed over your face before you promptly closed your eyes again. “Y/N!” Hoseok’s singsong voice was louder this time, a more dramatic note change added in as well.
“Hobi, let me sleep.”
He simply hummed in response, and for a moment you thought he was complying with your request. That was until the covers were thrown off you and you were forced to roll back to face him. Your eyes were wide open for only a few seconds before you were giving him the best glare you could give.
“Good morning, starshine. The earth says hello!”
“One, I can’t believe you just quoted Willy Wonka. And two, I can’t believe you did it so beautifully. Why did you never tell me that you can sing?” Hoseok shrugged his head and you had to beg him to sing more for you, and only with promises of plenty of back massages did he relent.
“Y/N!” What are you doing out here?“ You had been so caught up in the memories that you didn’t even hear Hoseok shut the water off, let alone walk out into your bedroom. For a moment you let your eyes linger on his mostly naked body, and you were almost disappointed he had found a towel to hold around his waist. He coughed awkwardly when you stared too long and you peered up at him.
“Sorry, Hobi,” You giggled with your apology, “I forgot that you can’t remember that we’ve already seen each other naked.”
“We have?” The shock in his voice was paired with a choked reply, and you had to use all of your willpower not to laugh at him.
“Yeah, we also, uh,” Instead, you just nodded your head and continued with the explanation. “We kinda became really intimate.” His eyes widened, and at first, you thought he was upset.
“Are you serious? That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”
“What?”
“You must be a goddess sent to love me if we did that. Holy hell, I can’t wait to fall in love with you again.” He reached out a hand down to you, and you grabbed it so he could help you up. The force of his strength caused you to tumble into him and it was only for a second that you let yourself keep your head against his chest. My head is on his chest right now.
“Hoseok! You’re full grown!”
“Oh?” He took a step back from you to look at himself, “Yeah, I am. Those things in your bathroom are mirrors, right? We need those in my village. Also, I much prefer bathing in there than in a stream”
April 22nd
The trek up the hill to Hoseok’s village was a bittersweet one today. As much as you would have loved to continue spending time with him in the isolation of your home, you had agreed to take him home once he was full grown. I didn’t think he’d be done growing in just one day though, was all you could grumble to yourself while the bubbly fairy to the right of you chatted away about fairy things, many of which you already knew. You did not tell him this, however, letting yourself become content with just listening to his voice.
In place of coherent responses, you simply nodded and hummed along to show that you were listening to an extent. For the first time in a long time, you let yourself observe the human world that was quickly dissipating around you the closer that you got to the fairy door. Due to the fact that May was just around the corner, the sun was shining so warmly on your skin only aiding to enhance the sun-kissed tan you had gained throughout winter and spring. The trees were green, so green and you almost thought that they were radiating life to you as well. Running your hands along the heated bark, you closed your eyes and imagined how so many months ago, you and Hoseok had walked this same path for the first time; so naïve, so optimistic, so in love. You brushed the bitter thought away from your mind, as you made the last few steps past the rock that marked the point where you could enter. Hoseok had stepped in front of you, ready to open the door, but you placed a hand on his shoulder to halt him.
“Hoseok, let me.” You took a deep breath and let the warm air flow from your lips to awaken the door. Hoseok was eyeing you carefully, looking slightly impressed that you had made the door appear but remaining fairly neutral in expression. “Aperta sunt mihi.”
The words came out just louder than a nervous whisper, but it was enough to allow you permission to enter. You turned to Hoseok whose features had grown both pleased and shocked, and you held your hand out to him to walk inside. He grabbed it with no hesitation, earning himself a smile that encompassed the entirety of your face. For the first time in who knows how long, the mythical story that you had found yourself living in regained its ethereal beauty; the flowers never died, the sun never froze, and the beauty of this world never faded, yet reentering with the man who brought so much love to your life only helped to magnify the magic that you first felt. The two of you walked in silence for a time, the sound of the still trickling stream adding a tone of ambiance to the path. The moment the two of you reached your treehouse, a friendly voice called out to the two of you.
“I can’t believe you, Y/N!” There was no malice in the yellow fairy’s words, only relief. His hands were steady as he held you in your place, “you never came back home, where have you- holy shit Prince Hoseok!” His grip on you was released as he finally took notice of his friend and prince, arms entrapping him in an embrace.
“Namjoon, how good is it to see you!” The two laughed as they hugged it out, the excitement soon becoming too much for Hoseok as his wings sprung forth tearing yet another shirt of his.
“You weren’t kidding,” Namjoon turned to you at the sight of the shreds of fabric settling to the ground. “How many shirts has he gone through at this point?” You simply shrugged and told him you lost count. “Hoseok, you have no idea how worried you made Y/N. I swear she’s cried enough times to water the both of us for a month!”
Hoseok watched the interaction between you and Namjoon for a few moments; how you playfully smacked his chest and then how you covered his mouth with your hands as he tried to speak again. The way Namjoon wrapped his arm around your neck, and the way he ran his hand over your head to disrupt your hair. He listened to the way your voice cried out in protest and the sound was suddenly like music to his ears. Hoseok felt something poke at him at the bottom of his heart and he wasn’t sure what the feeling was, but he knew it was only growing more unpleasant as the interactions before him dragged on.
“Y/N,” the sound of Hoseok’s cough and his stern voice pulled you back from your shenanigans, to which you gave him a meek smile. “Think you should explain to Namjoon what’s going on?”
“Exactly, how the hell did you manage to skip out on a second reincarnation, and why is he not all over you right now?” Namjoon furrowed his brows at the realization of the distance that had now separated you and Hoseok.
“Joonie, you’re gonna want to prepare yourself for this.” Hoseok mouthed the word ‘Joonie’ behind your back, to which Namjoon gave a wave of his hand.
“Fine. Explain.”
“Okay so remember that book I had you and Taehyung pull from the red section?” Hoseok looked completely lost already, while Namjoon just nodded his head in remembrance. “It pretty much was a children’s story. Except the plot was similar to mine and Hoseok’s. In the end, the fairy was reincarnated as the lover cried into the soil. Don’t look at me like that, yes its lame but it was a good book!”
“I’m sure it was, go on Y/N.”
“When I went to work the other night, Jackson showed up, and-”
“Wait, Jackson showed up? I swear I’d kill him if I was human.” Namjoon’s wings started to flap in fury as he recalled the horrible man you’d previously described to him in passing.
“Anyway! I freaked out, ran home and lost it. I was talking to the flower pot- don’t give me that look, I know I’m crazy- and I was crying and Hoseok appeared out of nowhere.”
“Well, that’s terribly tame. Nothing more exciting happened?” At Namjoon’s words of disappointment, you and Hoseok only shared a look. “What?”
“Hoseok kind of doesn’t remember me?”
“Namjoon, put me down right now!” Your shout was lost in the wind or was purposefully ignored. Either way, he did no such thing.
The moment you told him of Hoseok’s lost memories, followed by his confirmation, he was adamant about taking the matter to the queen. Despite your protests, Namjoon reasoned with you because you couldn’t hide the fact forever, as well as Hoseok needing to see her anyways. You had begrudgingly agreed, but to your dismay, Namjoon thought you were walking too slow, so he opted to carry you instead. As you entered the throne room once more, a hoard of people ran to you once you caught their eye. First, the servants ran and bowed to Hoseok, offering their aide and services. The moment he refused and thanked them, they turned to you.
“Princess, Y/N! We’re happy to see that you’re well. Namjoon was starting to worry us for you.”
“Oh please,” you curtsied to them in response, “you know that I’m not a princess.” The warm smile you gave them was enough to have them rising to their feet as well.
“Perhaps not, but we know how much Prince Hoseok loves you! He’s made his wish to soul-bond with you quite obvious before his departure!”
One of the servants gushed and swooned at the thought of your love story, and heat began to rise to your face. You looked over to Hoseok who had averted his eyes and seemed to decisively be avoiding eye contact. A tap came to your right shoulder, tearing your eyes from Hoseok to come face to face with your personal servant.
“Yoonji,” you could not contain the overflowing happiness you felt as you gazed at your fairy servant that you hadn’t seen in so long, “I missed you!”
“And I you, Princess Y/N.” She hugged you tightly and pressed her mouth to your ear. “The queen looks livid, you and Hoseok better head towards the thrones.”
She pulled away with what you now knew was a fake appearance for the sake of the queen. You risked a glance to the front, and thankfully the queen was talking to someone else, but her annoyance was evident anyway. You grabbed Hoseok’s hand out of the habit of calming your nerves, and he happily let you do it.
“I must be totally in love with you if all of my servants are calling you princess, huh?” He gave you a cheeky wink and you would have giggled had it not been for the fact that you had just reached the queen’s place.
Hosoek bowed, and you curtsied, but he left his place quickly to greet his mother. So, you stood there, craning to hear the conversation they were having. The queen looked so motherly, yet you couldn’t shake the itch in your gut that told you that she was responsible for this. The occasional glance was thrown your way and you assumed that Hoseok was explaining what was going on. Damn it, Hoseok, stop talking. But he didn’t, he went on and on, and a large grin broke over his face as he stared over to you; the queen was quick to perhaps say something harsh to him, pulling the happiness from his lip. Her eyes were suddenly filled with fire as she turned sharply on her heel to stand before you.
“Y/N, I think it’s best if you leave, don’t you?” The words were spoken through gritted teeth, and the malice seething from her confirmed your suspicions of her evil side.
“I don’t have work today, so I don’t have to leave for a while, your majesty.” You tried to remain calm and composed, but the flicker of offense that flashed over her face told you that you had failed.
“I meant forever, Y/N. You do not belong here.” You recoiled from the venom in her words and you had taken a step back only to bump into a warm chest you didn’t even know had moved.
“Mother, what has gotten into you?” Hoseok placed his hands protectively on your sides, and you felt yourself calming just the slightest. “How can you treat Y/N like this, she is our guest!”
“She is a human,” if this were a cartoon there would be smoke rising from her head. “You have no memories of her, she is not worth keeping around!” Her tongue snapped with the anger she was dripping with, and her eyes squinted as Hoseok turned you to face him.
“I don’t care, mother.” He placed his hands on your cheeks and kissed you with the tender love that you had been yearning so many months for. “It matters not that I have no recollection of our time together, that only opens the way for us to make better memories. If you’ll let me, that is?” You knew his question was meant solely for you.
A wave of déjà vu rushed through you at his inquiry about your consent, and your giggle was swallowed by another kiss from Hoseok’s waiting lips. You hardly noticed the shriek that the queen gave off as she flew from the throne room, chaos being left in her wake. The only thing you allowed yourself to focus on was the softness of Hoseok’s left thumb still caressing your cheek; the warmth of his breath mixing with yours, and the vibrations humming through his chest and yours as your souls inched closer to each other, beat by beat to meet again.
“That insolent human, how dare she question me!”
The queen was furious, curses and sounds of disgust never leaving her mouth as she flew to her secret keep. As she glided towards the black door, two guards bowed in reverence to their queen. She flicked a pointed finger towards the door, silently demanding it to be opened. She crossed the threshold with a grunt and slammed the door behind her. Sitting in the middle of the barren cell was a pot; it’s pink color looked dull and bleak, a representation of its conditions. The queen allowed her wings to spread out in full, the orange, lacelike shapes spreading out to span almost the entirety of the cell. With closed eyes, she drew her focus to the pot sitting so vulnerably before her. The thought to break it, to crush its inhabitant crossed her mind, but only for a brief moment. Instead, she allowed a wicked smile to grow on her face. The aura in the room grew sinister, any sense of joy diminishing with the blink of the queen’s eyes. Her wings flapped. Once, then twice. As she did so, the warm orange color practically melted from her body, only to be replaced with wings as black as night. It’s nice to rid myself of that disgusting color, if even once a year. What should have been orange fairy dust floating down to the flower pot was instead black; dust so black it was like shards of pure obsidian glass raining down like acid rain onto the soil. And what should have been a bright pink light omitted from the soil was a light that was, for a second, pink but slowly greyed and greyed into a depressing hue of pink.
Jimin’s POV
Why was I born a fairy? The pink fairy groaned as he tossed and turned, floating through what felt like an abyss. Waiting to be reincarnated is such a waste of time. The world around him was dark and empty, scary even. It wasn’t, however, or it wasn’t supposed to be, rather. To Jimin, it felt as though he was attached to the heaviest, yet softest, threads of silk; he felt as though someone could come by and give them a swift tug and he’d be carried away. What a stupid thought, you’re in a fucking seed for crying out loud. Reincarnation periods are different for everyone. Some have bright open spaces filled with sunlight and warmth. Others, like Jimin, embrace a cool darkness that once brought him peace. I suppose this is now fitting for me, the sleepy fairy thought as his body swayed under the lack of gravity. Time moves differently in the seed; what is three months outside can seem like a few hours to the fairy inside. If they choose to sleep, that is. Jimin doesn’t. I can’t believe I did that to her, then had to disappear the moment I knew she would need answers. Jimin tried to smack himself in the forehead at his own ignorance and sins, but his limb couldn’t move fast enough to have power behind the smack. I’ve never once questioned why fairy things are the way they are, but when Y/N came and I met a human for the first time- his thoughts trailed off to the thought of you and his throat tightened so painfully that it felt like he was drowning, not floating through nothingness- Unlike the elves, we do not hold unprecedented hatred towards humans, but were instead told to always be kind yet cautious. He remembered the day he first saw you, that warm December morning as everyone rushed to the prince’s side; the way you hid behind Hoseok with a look of concern and worry consuming your features. What wonderful features they were, they are.  His thoughts were carried to his silent observations he had witnessed of you that first week, apprehensive yet interested. Then he thought of that morning in the throne room and how your lips beautifully formed the word ‘Hobi.’ Why do you create such dumb nicknames? That’s almost as bad as Jiminie! He let out a frustrated laugh as he longed to hear you call his name. Once Hoseok left, and he witnessed your breathtaking personality unfold, he was doomed. Waking me up so late at night to celebrate a human holiday? I must’ve been whipped from the start. He thought about the way you feigned happiness on New Year’s Eve, yet his heart ached because he knew better. The way your eyes shined so brightly when you walked into your treehouse on Valentine’s day allowed a small smile to play on his lips. Y/N, do you know how much of a scolding I got from the king for picking that many flowers for you? Jimin could almost see the horror on your face if you were to be told of that fact. When thinking of you on the day he was destined to leave, he couldn’t help but replay your image in his head for the umpteenth time. How can she walk with such unknown grace that didn’t need to be taught in lessons? Why does the sound of her laugh make my heart stop, yet beat ridiculously fast at the same time? How, Jimin’s breath got a little shaky as his thoughts of you took a more physical turn, is it possible to have hair that’s softer, more full of life than a fairy’s? Why does her imperfect skin, with its scars, blemishes, and flaws, bring me more warmth and tenderness than a fairy’s skin that is without flaw? How do the clothes made for fairies fit her, a human, much better than the beings they were created for? Jimin’s eyes scrunched in shame as the next images poured into his brain with no warning. Do you know, Y/N, the way your hips sway as you walk with joy? Can you feel how enticing your neck is when you look over your shoulder to smile at me? Surely you know how the slightest touch of your fingertips riles me up. Jimin could feel a small wave of impure emotion wash through his body as his thoughts led back to the last night of Hoseok’s celebration. I know, I shouldn’t have followed, but I didn’t expect to stumble on that! He recalled the looks of love and bliss on you and Hoseok’s faces, the way that your smile reached your ears as he whispered sweet nothings to you. It’s nearly unheard of, Y/N, for fairies to be intimate like that with people other than your life-mate, did you know that? Once I realized what I had stumbled upon, I knew how true Hoseok’s feelings were for you. When I flew away and caught the tail end of your sighs of pleasure, I knew right then that you never would be mine. Any arousal that Jimin had gained from his recollection of his moments of spying was quickly diminished by the guilty pain he felt in his heart. Fairy’s aren’t even supposed to get aroused during the reincarnation period, I’m supposed to be sleeping right now!
But he couldn’t; he couldn’t bring himself to feel any sense of pleasure or happiness while he knew that you were on the surface, losing your mind. The tree, Y/N. God damn it I hope you, for some reason, thought to look in my treehouse for something. It’s there, he’s there. Wetness threatened to fall from his eyes, and for a moment Jimin tried to stop it, to no avail. “Jimin! You’re a fairy. I thought you were supposed to be filled with warmth, butterflies, and all things good?” Your words hit him like a bolt of lightning, and soon the tears that were building behind closed eyelids fell, or rose, rather. I’ve always wondered if anything else would float in here, Jimin watched through blurry eyes as his teardrops collected in the air to form a ball of gravity-defying liquid. I’m a disgrace, Y/N. There is no warmth, no butterflies, nor goodness in me. I broke your trust, the girl I love because I was scared. I hope you have found Hoseok’s seed, and I hope you can nurture him back to the world before I can return. Knowing that you have his soul to keep yours intact will let me have more peace of mind when I must look you in the eyes and tell you what I did. Jimin could only hope that his excuse for his cowardice could be understood to any degree upon his arrival. I swear to you, Y/N, I will make this right. There in the darkness of his seed, he vowed over and over again to atone for his sins and wrongdoings. He deprived himself the sanity of sleeping through his reincarnation period and instead allowed himself to be tortured by the thought of Hoseok, by the thought of you. Never once, in the dimension of time that he was coasting through, did he let his resolve waver from you. He had never been awake for so long in a reincarnation period, he didn’t know how long he had been here. It felt as though he truly was living through every second of the three months that he was gone. As time ticked on, he wondered to himself once more on your condition. He wondered if everything had been solved and if you and Hoseok had soul-bonded yet. The pain in his heart called out to him like the sound of your voice, gradually getting louder and louder. It wasn’t until the darkness around him began to unfold and let in the sunlight that he knew his solitary confinement was drawing to a close. As warmth forced him to materialize into the living world, he squeezed his eyes so tightly, as if to shield him from the events to come. All he heard was the sound a woman’s stern voice that confronted him for his deeds, or the lack thereof, and the sight of black. The epitome of evil in a pair of wings.
“Park Jimin, you are a traitor to the crown, and you will be punished for your disobedience.”
 Taglist: @zerotexas1975 @sockie-the-fuckingcat @thelastpinkpenguin @rainbow-pandacorn @angel-ofcolor (just to let you know that I haven’t given up on this fic yet lol) @chamgyeopsall @jmnyvs
100 notes · View notes
franruto · 7 years
Text
sasuke + the mountain goats songs
if this read more doesnt work on mobile im so sorry
so i was thinking about how many tmg songs could be applied to sasuke and i decided to make a list. tmg has an absurd number of songs and im doing this just from my fave albuns + a quick check so this list very probably isnt even complete. also, some of these songs are more sns than just sasuke but o well. if u have suggestions to add lmk
- no children: this might be the most sasuke song ever made. im going to put just the last part here but please listen to the whole song
I am drowning, there is no sign of land You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die
- autoclave: i lov this one and all of it is sasuke too so listen to the whole thing
When I try to open up to you, I get completely lost Houses swallowed by the earth, windows thick with frost And I reach deep down within but the pathways twist and turn And there's no light anymore and nothing left to burn I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam And no emotion that's worth having could call my heart its home
- heel turn 2:
Get stomped like a snake Lie down in the dirt Cling to my convictions Even when I get hurt
(...)
Spend too much of my life Now trying to play fair Throw my better self overboard Shoot at him when he comes up for air Come unhinged Get revenge (...) Let all the trash rain down From way up in the rafters I’m walking out of here in one piece Don’t care what comes after Drive the wedge Torch the bridge
- game shows touch our lives: gives me sad sns feelings
Shadows crawled across the living room's length I held onto you with a desperate strength With everything With everything in me And I handed you a drink of the lovely little thing On which our survival depends People say friends don't destroy one another What do they know about friends? Thunderclouds forming, cream white moon Everything's going to be okay soon Maybe tomorrow Maybe the next day 
- oceanographer’s choice: this is one so fucking sad, it makes me think about sasuke trying to break his bond with naruto 
I don't know why it's gotten harder to keep myself away Thought I'd finally beat the feeling back, it all came back today And then we fell down and we locked arms, we knocked the dresser over as we rolled across the floor I don't mean it when I tell you that I don't love you anymore Look at that, would you look at that? The way the ceiling starts to swerve What will I do when I don't have you? When I finally get what I deserve
- up the wolves: i really like this one for sasuke & i love john darnielle’s comment on it too so i’m going to include it here. “Part of me wants to say look it's about revenge, but as soon as I say that... no, that's not quite it. Part of me wants to say it's about the satisfaction of not needing revenge... and I say no, thats some new age stuff. I think it's a song about the moment in your quest for revenge when you learn to embrace the futility of it. The moment when you know that the thing you want is ridiculous and pompous and a terrible thing to want anyway. The direction in which you're headed is not the direction in which you want to go, yet you're going to head that way a while longer anyway cause that's just the kind of person you are.”
There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet No matter where you live There'll always be a few things, maybe several things That you're going to find really difficult to forgive
(...)
I'm going to get myself in fighting trim Scope out every angle of unfair advantage I'm going to bribe the officials, I'm going to kill all the judges It's going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage
- cry for judas: listen............
Some things you do just to see How bad they'll make you feel Sometimes you try to freeze time 'Til the slots are a blur of spinning wheels But I am just a broken machine And I do things that I don't really mean Long black night, morning frost I'm still here, but all is lost
(...)
Sad and angry, can't learn how to behave Still won't know how in the darkness of the grave
- outer scorpion squadron: ok this is darnielle’s comment on it again and he says it better than i could: “This is a song (...) for people like me, who have a strong indwelling evidently permanent urge to damage themselves or cut themselves off prior to some accomplishment or arrival at a place of comfort and happiness. I didn't succeed in my goal to not bum everyone out, but... In short, this is a song about trauma, and surviving it”.
If you really want to conjure up a ghost Cultivate a space for the things that hurt you most Rake the sands until they surface Bind their tiny eyes Stake out your position, let your armor fall Stay put 'till they find you, it won't take long at all Rake the sands until they surface Up they come, gone translucent They're coming up no matter what Fools rush in and the doors slam shut Ghosts of my childhood, stay with me, if you will Find a place where there's water, hold you under 'till you're still Rake the sands until they surface Don't let anybody call them ugly 
- the young thousands: ok this one makes me think of pre timeskip sasuke who continues to live in his parents house and also has a lot coming in his future
Boats ease into the harbor bearing real suspicious cargo And the sunlight on the water sets a switch off in your brain The things that you've got coming will consume you There's someone waiting out there in an alley with a chain The ghosts that haunt your building are prepared to take on substance And the dull pain that you live with isn't getting any duller There's a closet full of almost-pristine videotape Documenting sordid little scenes in living color (...) The things that you've got coming will do things that you're afraid to There is someone waiting out there with a mouthful of surprises The ghosts that haunt your building have been learning how to breathe They scan the hallways nightly vainly searching for a sign
- hebrews 11:40: this is one of my faves tmg lyrics. think sasuke w/ orochimaru period
Bright candles in the manor Where the curse takes hold Bodies reassembling down where the worms crawl Make your own friends when the world's gone cold It gets dark and then I feel certain I am going to rise again If not by faith, then by the sword I'm going to be restored Build fires to keep the beacon flashing where the earth lies flat Blood calls to blood as the hours draw down, invent my own family if it comes to that Hold them close, hold them near Tell them no one's ever going to hurt them here
- deuteronomy 2:10: this one is esp relevant bc of The Last Uchiha stuff
Feel in my bones just what the future has in store
I pace in circles So the camera will see Look hard at my stripes There'll be no more after me
I have no fear of anyone I'm dumb and wild and free I am a flightless bird And there'll be no more after me
I sang all night The moon shone on me through the trees No brothers left And there'll be no more after me
- absolute lithops effect: i like to think of this one as sasuke healing
After one long season of waiting After one long season of wanting I am breaking open My insides are pink and raw And it hurts me when I move my jaw But I am taking tiny steps forward
After one blind season alone in here After one long, sweltering summer I'm going to find the exit And I will go to the house of a friend I know And I will let myself forget With a little water and a little bit of sunlight And a little bit of tender mercy, tender mercy
- rain in soho: i might just be indulging here because i listen to this song 10 times a day and its overall feel reminds me of sasuke
No promise sweeter than a blood pact Nothing harder to go through with than a vanishing act No morning colder than the first frost No friends closer than the ones we've lost Nothing sharper than a serpent's tooth Nothing harder than the gospel truth Though you repent and don sackcloth and try to make nice You can't cross the same river twice
(...)
No town more barren than our town No haven safer than the one they tore down No greater love than to lay my life down for a friend No sweeter pleasure than to see the credits clear through to the end
ok so this is the moment where i give up because holy shit. some honorable mentions that im too lazy to go into detail (keep in mind some of those have just like one line that reminds me sasuke): this year, the house that dripped blood, old college try, choked out (i SWEAR no double meaning intended), prowl great cain, magpie, heretic pride, all up the seething coast
@yondaiime hello im tagging u here 
27 notes · View notes