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nihilistem · 8 months

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adhd study affirmations + tips to stray from discouragement by a stem student with adhd.

you’re not always going to be consistent. you’re not always going to be motivated. you’re not always going to be efficient. and that is okay.

edit : thank you so much to whoever blazed this post. It means the world to me.

and the fact that you even got this far is an accomplishment in and of itself. In this line of work, people aren’t always the kindest to neurodivergent people especially since our symptoms can often hinder our performance academically.

if you’re good to go after reading the above, I’ve also made a post regarding adhd study tips that I haven’t seen anywhere else. (Part 2 is here!) But, if you’re burned out like me, feel free to keep reading.

honestly, these might serve a bit more as reminders because they’re kinda simple but even I needed this, so, here we go.

do not seek advice from anyone neurotypical unless it genuinely helps you. I cannot tell you the amount of time and tears I could have saved if I just considered the fact that just because popular self-improvement tips or study techniques didn’t work for me, it doesn’t mean I’m stupid or useless. It simply means our brains isn’t motivated by the same things neurotypical ones are, and therefore a lot of popular self-improvement videos or study tips aren’t going to work for you because 90% of the time, they’re not designed to work for neurodivergent people. So if you’d like to seek help in this area, look for tips and videos that ARE for neurodivergent people.

you might experience burnout a lot more than others. again, that is fine. if this doesn’t apply to you, great! Feel free to skip to the next tip/affirmation. If this does apply to you, read this carefully; if you’ve had any sort of streak in studying right now, chances are you know at least a portion of your studies were led purely on interest, curiosity or even novelty, as these are what keep us engaged in our studies. Knowing this, it is natural for you to experience burnout more frequently than others due to the possible hyperfixations that have been forming around your work. If you get burned out, please remember to take a break for a day and make sure it is efficient. Like your studies, your breaks are the key to having efficient study sessions in the future. So please treat yourself, especially if you’ve been working extra hard!

do not admire studious fictional characters unless it genuinely helps you or they too are neurodivergent. I know this technically could have been thrown in with tip number 1 but I felt like this tip alone is so important, because nowadays I see a lot of study tips with the title, ‘how to study like (insert studious fictional character here)’ and when I look at the post it kinda repeats the same few study tips I see all the time like ‘stay organized’ or ‘time block your day’ and I feel like admiring fictional characters who do things that don’t work for you can be damaging for your mental health, because we’re already told by neurotypical people all around us that we’re slow or lazy just because we don’t do things the way they do, and I think idolizing neurotypical people that make us feel bad at the end of the day just further promotes that kind of toxic thinking.

expect that a routine/schedule/technique that has been working for a while now may not continue to work in the future. things will always have to be new for us to be interested or engaged, that being said, if you expect this in the future you won’t be frustrated with yourself because you already had this in mind. It doesn’t mean you’re not smart. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It doesn’t mean you’re useless. It just means that you’ve done what you could, and now it’s time to move on to another routine/schedule/technique.

keep doing the things you love alongside work. I find that because our symptoms may cause us to fall behind on our studies, we tend to neglect our other needs as human beings just to make up for the fact that we simply do not learn or pick things up the same way neurotypical people do. Your hobbies and interests need to be part of your day, just as your studies do, even if you may take longer to learn things or remember important concepts in your studies. Neglecting your hobbies or interests can lead to even more frequent burn outs and even a relapse in depression and anxiety, so please take care of yourself and recognize that you need and deserve these things just as much as anyone else.

regularly discover what works for you on your own. here’s the thing; neurodivergent or not, no two brains work the same. Of course it is good to try out advice or tips you find online because they’re backed up by experience, but they’re backed up by that person’s experience with working with their own brain. So naturally, you need to find what works with your brain. Be open to trying everything, even the tips that are discouraged like listening to lyrical music while studying. That was the only way I learnt that this tip actually does help me at times, even when many people have said that it negatively affects your focus.

that’s all I have right now guys, I think I’m experiencing burn out or probably falling back into depression again so more than anything this also served as a reminder for me, but I really hope it also helped you guys nonetheless.

As always, tell me if you guys would like more posts like these and I’ll be happy to make more <33 please take care of yourself guys, and remember that your studies is just one aspect of your life. There are other aspects that need your care and attention too.

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kipper-face-penny-bottle · 3 months

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Gorgug’s subplot with multiclassing shines a light on something that not a lot of stories discuss: students who are viewed as less academically gifted also frequently receive less academic freedom. Gifted kid burnout is awful. But many teachers are also willing to give students who have been established as gifted more leeway. Efforts to expand their horizons are usually supported and accomadated. Students like Gorgug who struggle with school are generally kept on a strict academic schedule, and other creative pursuits are viewed as a distraction. This means that kids who aren’t the best students have to create extra time for passions while struggling through coursework in an environment that might not feel intuitive. Gorgug has more work because he’s struggling, not in spite of it.

Obviously I can’t speak for every school or every experience, so I apologize if this misrepresents how things went for you. I’m just very tired of seeing schools only tailor ideal, sometimes unconventional academic experiences for brainy kids without extending that flexibility to others.

#gorgug thistlespring #d20 spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 fh spoilers #fhjy spoilers #d20 fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year spoilers #fantasy high spoilers #d20 #dimension 20 #d20 fh #fhjy #d20 fhjy #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high

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daisies-daydreams · 3 months

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IDK IF YOUVE DONE THIS BUT CAN I GET A HOBIE X GOOD GIRL!READER?! SMUT OR FLUFF WORKS IT DOENST MATTER BUT LIKE READER IS STRESSED OVER STUFF AND HOBIE CALMS HER DIWNDBSHWJWJWJE PLEASE I LOVE YOUR WORK <33

Relief (Hobie Brown x Good Girl!Reader)

Pairing: Hobie Brown x Good Girl!Reader Category: Fluff/Smut Warnings: Depictions of Stress/Burnout, Hickeys, Making Out, “First Time”, Fingering, Nipple Play, Swearing Word Count: TBA Song Rec: Absolute Territory (Ken Ashcorp) A/N: AHHHH I shit you not I had the most absolutely stressful week - like I was having tremors I was so stressed so this came at the perfect time 😭 Anyway, Hobie would be so soft and supportive fr🙏 Thank you for your sweet request and I hope you enjoy!

Tears lined the corners of your eyes as you violently opened the door to your dorm suite. You threw your bag onto the couch before flopping down yourself. Your muffled cried reverberated inside your small living room as you stuffed your face into a pillow. You curled your fists as your jaw tightened, the room growing hotter by the second as you squeezed your eyes shut.

“Lovie?” you heard Hobie hum. You gasped and perked your head up, only to shove it back down in shame. “(Y/N), what’s wrong?” your boyfriend asked as he stepped closer. You sniffled while Hobie sank onto the cushion next to you, the furniture creaking as he laid a hand on your upper back. You slowly tilted your head up, your chest aching before you sprung into his arms.

“Shhh, I’m here, lovie,” your love reassured you as he wrapped his arms around your trembling form. You nearly choked on a violent sob as you sat in his lap, your legs draped over his own while you ducked your head into his shoulder. Hobie hummed softly while he rubbed up and down your back. Your breathing began even as he began to press quick, little pecks to the top of your head. You sighed, your warm breath falling over his collarbone as he let his lips linger on the crown of your head.

“You wanna talk about it?” Hobie murmured as he smoothed one of his hands over your hip. Your bottom lip trembled as you wiped at your puffy eyes.

“I-I don’t know what’s come over me,” you hiccuped. Hobie continued to stroke over your ruffled clothes as you sighed heavily. “I failed my test today, and because of that, I got so flustered during my public speaking course that I stuttered over and over…in front of two-hundred students,” you groaned as bitter tears rolled down your cheeks. “I can’t do anything right,” you muttered while hanging your head in defeat.

“Oi, look at me,” your boyfriend gently coaxed you. You slowly lifted your gaze before squeaking as he stole a kiss.

“H-Hobie,” you blushed as you rested your fingertips over your lips, the warmth of his touch still lingering on your soft skin. He gave you a small smirk before peppering your face with several kisses. “Babe!” you laughed as he bombarded you with quick, passionate smooches. You felt him smile against your cheek before he pulled back again.

“Still havin’ those nasty thoughts about yourself?” he asked. You bit your lip and shook your head, your heart racing a little faster as you brought your hands up to his shoulders. “Good,” Hobie gave a lopsided grin before he kissed your cheek again. You smiled at his attempts to distract you, but the crushing weight of feeling inferior began to push back. You released a long, shaky breath before you felt him nip at your earlobe.

“I see your gears turnin’,” he rumbled before letting his hands slide up and down your sides, his fingers leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. You stifled a small moan as he kissed behind your ear, his hands squeezing your hips as he suckled on your delicate skin. “You want me to help you…relax a bit more?” Hobie murmured as he slid a hand over the top of your thigh. You swallowed and parted your lips.

Sure, the two of you have made out a few times, but it’s never really gotten past that point.

“We don’t have to if-“

“I want to,” you cut him off. He blinked as you glanced away and heat filled your cheeks. “I-I mean, I’d like for you to-“ you felt your throat tighten as you wiggled your hips a little in his lap. You felt a surge of arousal sweep through your body as he slid his hand beneath your chin and gently caressed your face.

“What do you want me to do, (Y/N)?” he asked, a mixture of affection and arousal dripping from his words. Your heart raced as he began to tease your neck with small kisses up and down your pulse. You swallowed again as you squeezed your eyes shut, your tongue refusing to utter such a lewd request. “C’mon, sweet girl…use your words,” Hobie encouraged as his hand rested on top of your thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. Your eyes snapped open as you took a deep breath.

“I-I want you to…finger me,” you finally manage to say, each word growing quieter than the last. Hobie’s eyes glowed with excitement as he hummed.

“Finger you, hm?” your boyfriend asked. You nodded vigorously, your body already growing hotter the longer he kept his hands on your thighs.

“Please, Hobie. I want…need to feel you,” you whined and gently rocked your hips forward. Hobie’s eyes widened at your bold confession. A smirk crossed his face before he kissed your forehead.

“Turn around f’me then,” he cooed. Your hands were practically shaking as you slid off of his lap, your sex yearning for his tender touch as you squeezed your thighs together. Your breath hitched when you felt him unlatch the back of your long skirt, the fabric crumpling around your feet as you shivered. You flinched when he hooked his fingers around the band of your soft panties.

“W-Wait!” you blushed. Hobie paused, his fingers just barely pulling your clothing down your hips as you gulped. “C-Could we keep these on for now?” you blushed while peeking over your shoulder. Hobie grinned softly as he pulled them back up.

“Sure thing, lovie,” he murmured before patting his lap. Your head spun as you stepped back. Your heart felt like it was about to burst as you sank down, your legs draped over his wet pussy rubbing against the thin fabric of your panties. Your jaw nearly dropped when you felt something hard rub between your asscheeks. “Mmm, there’s my pretty girl,” Hobie groaned into your ear as his hands dipped beneath your shirt.

You keened as he pecked the corner of your jaw, his kisses airy and light as he slid his fingertips beneath your bra. You arched your back as he dipped his head even lower, his plump lips puckering over your aching pulse. You squirmed in his lap as you felt him brush his fingers across your hard nipples, his warm breath falling over your skin while he played with your sensitive buds.

“You’ve got such pretty tits, y’know that?” he murmured, his lips dancing over the shell of your ear. You blushed and turned your head away, the pleasure already overwhelming your senses. Hobie chuckled before he gently squeezed your nipples between his long, heavy fingers. “I’d like to see them, if that’s alright with you,” he whispered. You nodded, your mind fuzzy with arousal as you arched into his touch. Hobie sighed as his hands soon made quick work of your bra. You shuddered as he slipped the fabric off before rolling your shirt above your head.

You wriggled in his lap as you sat almost completely exposed, your nipples growing even harder as the cool air of your living room kissed them. Hobie was being unusually quiet behind you, his large palms smoothing over your hips as his breath fell over your ear. You felt your cheeks warm even more as tears welled in your eyes. Why wasn’t he doing anything? Did he actually change his mind? Are you-

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous,” he breathed. You opened your eyes, blinking rapidly before turning your head. Your boyfriend wore the softest smile you’ve ever seen - your heart melting into a puddle as you gazed into his warm eyes. You began to relax against him as he captured your lips in a slow, tender kiss. You sighed at the soft contact as your lips connected in a passionate caress, the sound of soft smacking echoing through the room as you moved and tilted your heads. You squeaked when you felt him squeeze one of your breasts while he parted from the kiss.

“Let me know if I’m goin’ too far, okay?” he whispered, eyes soft and breath ragged. You nodded.

“I-I will,” you panted. Hobie smiled before he kissed the corner of your mouth while tenderly massaging your soft tit.

“Good girl,” he praised. His words sent a spark of pleasure through your cunt as he locked lips with you again, his movements growing more heated and passionate by the second as he pressed his warm palm against your areola. You moaned quietly as you felt him gently pinch your bud between his fingers while he slipped the tip of his tongue inside your juicy mouth.

You parted your lips even more, gasping when you felt his whole tongue sink inside your wet cavern. Hobie groaned as your tongues glided in a passionate dance, the sounds of wet smacking making your thighs tremble and pussy pulse with heat. You felt no shame as you bucked your hips forward, your spine curving as you ached for his fingers stretching you wide open. Hobie hummed before he pulled back, his lips glossy with your combined spit as he watched you helplessly grind on his lap.

“You ready f’me?” he murmured, his hold on your nipple growing looser as you shivered. You nodded and tilted your head back, your lungs burning for air as your heart pounded.

“P-Please Hobie. I want you,” you gulped. Hobie cracked a small grin as he gently squeezed your breast. You tensed as his other hand traveled from your hip to your stomach.

“You sure about this, doll?” he asked. You bit your lip and swallowed thickly.

“Yes,” you could barely make that single word, your throat strained as desire clouded your mind. Hobie smiled against your cheek as he dipped his hand even lower, his fingertips gliding over your juicy slit. You mewled as he gently parted your puffy lower lips, your bundle of nerves pulsing as the sides of his fingers rubbed against it.

“You ever do this to yourself?” Hobie rumbled as he slowly rubbed your clit, his thumb working in tight, small circles. You jolted as a shockwave of pleasure rolled through your body, your walls clamping down on nothing as you squealed.

“O-Only a few times,” you confessed as your cheeks burned. A sharp cry fell from your lips as he began to massage your engorged clit even faster. You moaned as his lips found your neck again, lingering for much longer as he sucked a hickey over your pulse. You thrashed against him, your body trembling as your breathing grew ragged.

No, you couldn’t cum yet. Not before he could even put one finger inside you.

Your eyes snapped open when Hobie licked over the hickey on your neck, his warm tongue feeling like silk caressing over your skin as you whined.

“God you’re so fuckin’ sexy - so wet already,” he murmured as he slid one of his fingers down your slit. You arched your back as he pushed your panties to the side, the air kissing your exposed folds as he slid his fingertip over the seam of your weeping hole. Your eyes rolled back as your boyfriend continued his relentless touch on your clit, your chest heaving at every soft stroke and swipe of his thumb.

“H-Hobie,” you keened and squirmed as he continued to tease your slick entrance, slowly rubbing his finger up and down, back and forth. Hobie purred as he suckled on your neck, your body shivering as you threw your head against his bony shoulder. You gasped as you heard the slick “pop” of his lips leaving your skin, a fresh, tender hickey blooming across your neck. Your throat grew even tighter as he curled his finger against your entrance.

“Gonna take it slow,” he rasped as he squeezed your breast again. You mewled and nodded, your head dizzy as your heart pounded inside your ears. Hobie smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips before he sank his digit inside you. Your lips drew into a straight line as you felt your walls open up around him, the slight burn making you stifle a yelp.

“Shhh, just relax, baby,” Hobie cooed while kissing your cheek. You swallowed and tried to take a deep breath, his long finger sinking even deeper inside you. You tried to stay still in his lap as he smeared some of your slick over your plush button before drawing slow, sloppy shapes around it. You parted your lips and moaned as you felt every ridge and curve of his digit caress your slick, gummy walls, the slight sting of the stretch melting into pleasure with each inch he sank inside of you.

You gasped when Hobie’s digit bottomed out inside you, his finger knuckle-deep as he let you adjust to being stretched out. You released a shaky breath as he slowly began to pump his digit, his other hand gripping and teasing your tit as he kissed behind your ear.

“You feel so good ‘n tight - bet you’d feel heavenly wrapped around my cock,” Hobie rumbled as your cunt squelched lewdly with each thrust of his finger. The thought made you cry out in pleasure as he trailed his lips over your pulse once more. You bucked your hips forward as his finger continued to rub against your plush walls, each stroke leaving you more breathless than the last.

“Mmmm Hobie,” you keened as he flicked his thumb against your clit, a spark of pleasure shooting through your core and turning your legs to jelly. Your jaw went slack when you felt another finger slowly slip inside you, stretching you in a painfully delicious way.

“Am I hurtin’ you?” your boyfriend whispered as he continued his slow pace inside your cunt. You bit the inside of your cheek and nodded. Hobie cooed before he slowed to a stop, letting you adjust to two of his digits inside you. “You’re doin’ such a good job, baby girl,” he praised before peppering your cheek with soft kisses. “Takin’ my fingers so fuckin’ well,” Hobie grunted, his thumb still working circles around your puffy bundle of nerves.

“H-Hobieee,” you mewled and pushed your chest out. Your love sighed as he smirked against your ear.

“You feel me there, love?” Hobie purred as he pushed his fingertips against your g-spot. You gasped as your eyes rolled back, your thighs trembling as you felt a wave of pleasure rush through your body. “Feel my fingers stuffed deep inside your tight, perfect cunt, hm?” he murmured before swiping his tongue behind your ear.

“Y-Yes,” you nearly choked. Hobie grinned before he slowly began to thrust both of his digits in and out of you. Your legs shook as your walls fluttered around his long fingers, the burn once again melting into a mind-numbing pleasure as he pumped his digits inside your tight cunt. You bit your lip as a loud moan threatened to slip past your lips. You whined when he let his thumb up from your clit.

“I don’t want you to hold back - make as much noise as you want. Let the whole bloody building know who’s makin’ you feel this good,” Hobie growled, his eyes lit with a burning lust as he moved his fingers even faster. You gasped before suddenly moaning, your sweet sounds bouncing off of the thin walls of your dorm as you felt him stroke deeper inside your dripping sex.

“Yes!” you cried out while hooking your hands behind his neck. Your juices soaked his long digits, dripping down his knuckles and palm as you moved your hips with his thrusts. Hobie groaned as he pressed his thumb on your bud, his other hand now falling to your hip as he swiped his tongue across the shell of your ear.

“That’s it…that’s my good girl,” your love rumbled. You gasped when you felt your cunt suddenly clamp down on his digits, your orgasm hitting you like a freight train.

“H-Hobie!” you screamed as your pussy flooded his hand with your warm, slick cream. Hobie released a sound you’ve never heard him make: a mix of a feral growl and a sultry moan as he continued to rub his fingers along your pulsing walls.

“God, you look so pretty when you cum,” he murmured while gently pressing down on your spongey g-spot. You moaned as another wave of pleasure crashed over you, your body trembling uncontrollably as your soft mewls filled the room.

“F-Fuck,” you gasped as your high began to fade. You panted wildly as your vision began to clear, your heart still racing as you began to relax in his hold. You blushed when you felt how wet his hand was against your burning sex as he kept his fingers stuffed between your raw, sensitive walls.

“You did so well, baby girl,” your boyfriend whispered. Hobie cooed as he slowly pulled his digits out of your soaked pussy, your hole puckering as soon as his fingertips slipped out of you. He gently kissed your temple as hot tears of post-coital bliss trickled down your cheeks. “You feelin’ alright?” Hobie asked. You sniffed and nodded, your mind swimming in a sea of pleasure as you gasped for air.

“Y-Yes, just need to catch my breath,” you panted. Hobie hummed as he patted your hips. The two of you sat in silence for a while, simply soaking in each other’s presence as the sun dipped behind the line of trees beside your dorm. You soon found your eyelids growing heavy as you relaxed on his lap. Hobie sighed before kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Feel any better?” he chuckled with a smirk. You grinned and returned his kiss, letting your lips linger on his before resting your forehead against his neck.

“Much better,” you giggled softly. ————

Thank you for reading! 💖

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#hobie brown x y/n #hobie brown x fem!reader #hobie brown x you #hobie brown smut #hobie brown fluff #hobie fluff #hobie smut #hobie brown #hobart brown #spider man smut #spiderman smut #spider man fluff #spider punk x fem!reader #spider punk x y/n #spider punk x you

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blue-jisungs · 3 months

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silent hug

author's note. this is veeeery self indulgent bc my exams r killing me so yeah 👍

genre. hurt to comfort (i think?), classmates to friends ??? idk man just whipped n cute sunoo

summary. in which your classmate comforts you when you tear up in class :(

warnings. cursing, reader is in a bad place mentally,, kinda hinting to academic burnout? ,, crying :( + not proofread, sorry!!

word count. 1286

with a heavy sigh you plopped down on the chair, putting your bag on the desk. the walk from the bus stop to the university tired you out but at least you got four or five minutes before the classes started. so you rested your head against the bag and closed your eyes, taking in a little more sleep than you could get this morning.

the final season is coming to an end, finally. but weirdly enough, you don’t feel relieved. sure, there’s only three or four exams left – and you haven’t really studied for them but that’s a thing to do the day before, isn’t it? – but you can’t help but feel the exhaustion. your friends chat about how there’s less things to take then it was at the beginning, sure. but the closer you get to the midterm break, the less motivation you have. and the tiredness that accumulated throughout the whole month is seeking its way out.

which is why you’re a mess nowadays. promising yourself to study but ending up doing everything but studying, falling asleep at ungodly hours (and regretting it later)… or shutting yourself down from the world. your friends got used to it, everyone has their lives after classes after all. but you carry on with do not disturb on most of the time, missing out their conversations on chats and tiktoks they’ve sent you. sure, you could’ve read them later – but there’s a sinking feeling of guilt (and a dazzle of overthinking) that you’re such a shitty friend.

all of this causes your negative emotions to bottle up. and you know it’s not a good thing, especially when you feel like you’re about to cry when a minor inconvenience occurs. but you’re stronger than that, no? the thought of locking yourself in your room during the break keeps you alive, pushing the sadness – seemingly – away.

a sudden tap on your shoulder caused you to open your eyes and lazily shift your focus to your classmate, sunoo. you looked around and didn’t see your friends… well, they probably skipped the classes since some of them are careless just like that.

"it’s about to start" sunoo smiled gently and you noticed the way his ebony gaze lingered on you for a while longer. great, you should’ve put at least some foundation.

"thanks" you nodded and took out your ipad, the other hand rubbing your eye. here we go…

"i feel like… some people in this class don’t take my lessons seriously" the professor started and you froze, heart skipping a beat. he couldn’t possibly mean you, right? “the final exam is around the corner and some of you… did not too well on the quiz"

oh, well. it’s definitely aimed at you.

"i’ll hand them out at the end of the class and then run over your mistakes. now we’ll do a revision. and you better listen" the man says and you could swear his piercing gaze is drilling into your soul.

an unpleasant feeling of warmth creeped into your face and once again you curse yourself for not putting any makeup. sunoo glanced at you, a sad smile on his lips.

the professor approached you at the end, when all of the students already left. putting the paper sheet with a nasty P– on it, you frowned. hey, you passed!

"y/n, i’m really disappointed. i don’t know what’s going on but that’s the worst work of yours so far. pull yourself together. there’s so many major mistakes… spellings… it’s not an academic level. you were one point away from not passing this one" his words hit a cord in your heart, your palms beginning to sweat. he patted the paper and returned to his desk, grabbing his stuff.

and you didn’t even know when that happened – your sweaty palms shaking, breath getting stuck in your throat, vision blurry because of tears.

you packed your things and wanted to leave but your legs felt too weak. your professor left, causing you to end up all alone in the room.

you sniffed, trying to wipe out the tears but they seemed to have other plans.

"don’t cry, idiot. it’s fucking embarrassing" you breathed out to yourself, voice barely above a whisper.

"y/n, if you want… oh. are you okay?"

you would normally look up to see who that was but the realization of someone even seeing you in such state caused your face to redden even more. pulling your t-shirt up to hide your face in it, you felt like there was no way out: you couldn’t possibly stop crying. it was like your professor’s words triggered something.

"i’m… hey, it’s okay. did he say anything bad to you? or do?" someone approached you and you shook your head as a no. "can i stay here?"

you hesitantly peeled from your shirt and noticed sunoo. his gaze softened upon seeing your teary eyes, lashes wet and flushed face.

"just… don’t mind me" you mumbled and hid your face in your shirt again. you just couldn’t stand someone seeing you in such state, whether it was someone close or a stranger.

"i… i don’t know what he said but i’ve noticed that there’s something going on with you. and may have heard what your friends said... do you want to talk about it?" sunoo asked gently and all he could hear were the harsh sobs leaving your lips.

"they talk about me behind my back?" you whined, your shoulders shaking even more. his eyes widened. that was not the best thing to say…

"no, no! i mean they said you look really tired lately…" he explained hastily and suddenly you looked up. your shirt was soaked with tears and your face was a mess, your pupils blown and wet stains on your cheeks.

"i’m so tired, sunoo. i don’t think i can handle this anymore… and everyone seems to be doing great… just not me…" you mumbled, sending him a sad smile. the pearly tears balanced at the edge of your waterline, ready to spill. he shook his head.

"you’ve got this, i know you do. you got here somehow in the first place, no? if you want, i can help you. with anything. i’m not the smartest but i do understand some things so…" he stopped talking upon seeing your curious gaze.

"why are you doing this?” you asked, sniffling.

"i just… you’re my classmate in a need of help. i couldn’t stand there and not do anything when i heard you cry. and now there’s no way out, isn’t it?" sunoo joked and his face lit up. oh, this boy was a literal sunshine.

"you said everything?" you mumbled, unsurely. he nodded, a caring smile tugging on his lips "can… hmpfh… can i hug you…?"

the words were so quiet, sunoo barely heard them. but he noticed the begging look in your eyes and who was he to deny? it’s not like he would mind, either.

sunoo just opened your arms and you hugged him tightly, wrapping your arms around his waist. he patted your back soothingly, letting you let out all of your pent up stress.

a part of sunoo’s heart raced because he wouldn’t have ever imagined that he would hug his hallway crush. the other part which caused his heart to race was the embrace itself, your smell and you in general – and he was happy he could help you.

neither of you didn’t have to talk right now. a silent hug that expressed more than a sentences could ever. and both of you knew, sitting here glued to each other and in comfortable silence, that it was a beginning of a beautiful friendship.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @w3bqrl ,, @ocean-minho ,, @s-e-s-a-l-e-n-e ,, @eternalgyu ,, @haecien

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ooshu · 1 year

Text

"jae?"

summary: jaehyun buys johnny and mark some cuervo shots. he forgets the one thing that everyone says—stay away from your phone when you're drunk. note: jaehyun finishing his undergrad thesis, johnny and mark as a support system, and a lot of swearing/profanities, really. genre: pure and raging angst | word count: 1.7k — “one bott?” johnny asked.

“sure! this one’s on me.” jaehyun, with a sheepish grin on his face, replied. his cheeks were now hinting a shade of red. fucking adorable.

so why is jaehyun suddenly ecstatic about drinking cuervo and gulping it down straight as if it was… an ordinary non-alcoholic drink?

give the guy his moment. jaehyun’s thesis-making era has finally landed in the area of responsibility. out of all the frameworks and methods to be potentially used for his study (verbatim. legendary thesis), he is anxious. as much as he wants to bag that best thesis nomination from his architecture department, the thought of just getting it at the end of the sem sounds more convincing and realistic which is, well, quite a lonely take from a former A student turned mediocre due to sudden burnout, but that’s life now for some after the unforgiving turn of events embedded in the 2020 history records.

to tl;dr, jaehyun needs a drink and to get drunk. let him be, please? he’s used to bragging about his high alcohol tolerance but his primary goal is to get shitfaced, excuse the expression. a good hangover is needed by the morning; something to make him feel human again. the world is spinning quickly, and he needed to slow time just a little bit to cue his hazy vision and low inhibitions.

so the second cuervo arrived, right? jaehyun thanked the waiter and johnny and mark couldn’t help but laugh at how he was currently losing it all. he holds the golden bottle, his eyes fixed on the shot glasses, and when he poured, the drink spilled on the table. at this point, being drunk is no longer an excuse. his eyesight has also become worst over the years. what’s up with this guy, anyway? just go get yourself a LASIK surgery (to which jaehyun would only reply via text so dryly: lol)

johnny snatched the bottle from jaehyun and poured it into their shot glasses. in this kind of scenario, one would actually tap out and advise the rest who refuse to follow, but dang!, as the younger bro always says, it seems like jaehyun needed this the most. johnny knew the stress as he has already graduated (but still chose to enroll for a master’s degree afterward because the MA sneak beside his name sounds lit!), and mark is amused by jaehyun’s clumsy state anyways.

“mark, stop laughing.”

“oh, why?” mark looked at johnny with confusion.

“because next year, bro, you’re gonna be as shitfaced as jaehyun because of your thesis! haha!”

while the two bickers, the cuervo shots were going down on jaehyun like water. as he takes the nth shot of the night, he lowers the glass slowly and stared blankly at the two of them.

mark slightly gripped the hem of johnny’s shirt to break off the banter.

then he said “yo, the fuck?”

when the both of them faced jaehyun, his eyes were bloodshot… red?

“jaehyun, are you crying?” johnny asked.

“i broke… heart.” jaehyun muttered.

“huh?”

“shit, i broke it.”

“you broke what?”

mark dumbfounded, was just staring at jaehyun. johnny kept asking who, but jaehyun just keeps on speaking in codes.

“fuck, she said “i love you””

“dude... who?” mark asked. the atmosphere is getting serious as he mumbles what we can assume as his regrets. the two couldn’t really tell. at this point, jaehyun’s all over the place; incoherent.

“fuck,” jae cursed for the nth time. “i took it for fucking granted.”

“it was so exclusive. fuck, that ‘i love you’ was so exclusive.”

“fuck. fucking fool. the fuck, jae? i’m such a fucking headass.”

and bratatatat he goes. the other two gentlemen were listening attentively, hoping he’d spill a name or a clue of who he was referring to. but nothing comes out. as if jaehyun was stuck at the moment when the person said “i love you” to him. jaehyun was in a loop, like a broken record. and when he finally stopped blabbering and took another shot, his face was already on the table, and with eyes closed, he fell into a deep slumber.

and god, his position looks so uncomfortable. his arms were just hanging and flanging into the air. the younger noticed his state, so he decided to put jaehyun’s arms and palms over his legs.

“dude”, mark said to johnny. “are you sure he needs it for his thesis or that thing?”

—

when jaehyun woke up, mark was on his phone. johnny, on the other hand, was taking a puff from his vape that is wrapped around his neck. you know those dudes who are not so subtle about their vape life? displaying their vapes like an id, and is lit blue? strawberry-minty flavor, smells good though, in fair. but he would tell you to go away if ever you would want to try. “smoking kills!”, he would say. shoo!

“i feel like throwing up.”

“i’ll come with you. come on.” johnny offered.

they went inside the restaurant across from their al fresco space. johnny led the way toward the bathroom. the rest is history. jaehyun walked out from the bathroom stall and washed his hands and mouth. a little splash on his face was needed, too; just to sober up.

he is in fact, and indeed, sobered up; sound and with consciousness. he said “go ahead” to johnny and went back to their table. mark is texting, probably a hook-up, by now. but he never leaves the gang to give respect to the bro night. he was also curious about what happened to jaehyun, anyway.

but johnny isn’t surprised, like, at all. jaehyun is an eye candy in his university. he sure made his fair shares from time to time but the thing is, they don’t really talk about their flings and such. the pack isn’t a kiss-and-tell, the usual trashy friend group that reeks pride via body counts. and jaehyun would introduce if ever he gets in a situationship leading to commitment anyway. it’s just that mark has never seen this side of jaehyun.

but there is indeed a possibility that jaehyun has this hopeless romantic tendency given he must have watched 500 days of summer approximately 500 times by now, and still believes that summer finn is a bitch.

“drink some water”, mark handed a bottle.

“thanks.”

“so…”

johnny nudged mark. it was a signal to stop the interrogation. mark got social cues, thank god. they’ll let jaehyun spill at his own pace. the guy is still trying to recover. one of these days, he’ll remember and open up because perhaps, it did really get serious at some point.

but jaehyun opened his phone and checked his text messages. there was a message, waiting for a response sent almost ten months ago.

january 11, 2022, 01:11 am | you wrote:

home?

to which he now replied: november 10, 2022, 02:45 am | jaehyun wrote:

not yet

and i dont think ill everr be

jaehyun grabbed the half-empty cuervo and poured it into his glass. mind you, not the shot glass, the bottle itself. mark and johnny, once again, stared at each other. jaehyun poured the last bit of the golden bottle and drank it straight. he winced and his throat felt burning. he then continued typing on his phone.

october 10, 2022, 02:46 am | jaehyun wrote:

and i know it sounds tssstupid

but i think im still in love with you

not think

fuck

i am in love with you

ive always been in love with you

and i never said it

and i wish i couldve said it back whenever you say it

because fuck

you deserved to hear it so much

jaehyun was in the middle of his never-ending texts when his phone rang.

he let it ring a few times. the phone vibrating felt somehow pressuring for the guy. mark and johnny were just staring at jaehyun, waiting for his next move.

shit, it really is you.

jaehyun got up from his seat while gripping his phone quite tight and walked a few inches from their table, lingering on the feeling of the buzzes. he took a few deep breaths in and touched the green button.

“jaehyun? are you drunk?” he heard from the other side of the phone. “go home, please, jaehyun?”

jaehyun.

jaehyun. it’s no longer jae.

meanwhile, johnny and mark were squinting their eyes, trying to look out for the dumbstruck fool, trying to catch signals and connect the dots.

“jaehyun?”, he couldn’t breathe. it felt suffocating. “are you still there?”

“hey.”, jaehyun finally mustered up the courage to speak. “i know it’s been a while but-”

“do you need me to book you an uber, jaehyun?”

jaehyun. jaehyun. jaehyun. tears start to swell in jaehyun’s eyes. where the fuck did ‘jae’ go? he desperately wonders.

“please… please call me jae, please? love, please?”

“jaehyun…” you replied hesitantly. “times have changed.”

“just this time, please?” jaehyun desperately asked. “one last time. i just need to hear it again then i’ll go.”

the line felt silent despite the murmuring sounds of happy co-workers cheering for the weekend and the faint booming music to liven up the place. but jaehyun’s world is painted in monochrome; lonely, and lifeless.

“jae…”

“hey, love.”

“jae…”

“i’m gonna miss you so much; every single day, baby. every single day.”

“jae, jae, jae…”

hearing ‘jae’ coming from you sounds music to his ears.

and for the last time, he pretended it was just another call coming from you—those nights like this paralleled before when jaehyun refused to pick up your calls on a night out, shitfaced, while on the other line, there was you who were constantly worried on his whereabouts. but he always got home safely and always told you this:

“don’t wait for me okay?”

and then you played along.

“just go home safely, jae.”

but in a parallel universe, he wishes he ended the calls with this. and he finally said it, when it is now too late:

“i love you so much, love.”

and jaehyun heard a faint sob on the other line, just before the call abruptly ended.

jaehyun stared at his phone until everything became blurry and his tears flowed down his cheeks.

he opened the message app and scrolled through your thread, until he reached the last message you sent.

"home?"

but jaehyun, he was never coming home,

now that he has lost the keys along the way.

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demieyesore · 5 months

Text

Burnout - Enzo Berkshire

Summary - GN!Reader is stressed and having a panic attack over schoolwork when Enzo finds them and comforts them

Warnings/Mentions - Mention of a teen wolf scene, so potential spoilers for that show (I can’t remember how far in the scene was in the show), Reader has a crush on Enzo which he definitely reciprocates, I’ve never read the fanfic Enzo comes from so idk how in character this is </3 but I imagine him to be sweet but not tooth rotting, he’s still a little bit of a dick because he’s a slytherin, oh and Y/n is used in this fic

A/n - I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT WRITING FOR SO LONG😭😭😭 BUT IM BACK TO START UP AGAIN BUT UNFORTUNATELY THERE ARE NO PROMISES HOW LONG I WILL BE WRITING FOR BECAUSE I TEND TO HYPERFIXATE🧍🏻

Requested - Yes!

POV - 3rd person

Word Count - 712

Y/n had always been a hardworking student, constantly striving for academic excellence. So when they received a study guide for their upcoming test, they immediately locked themselves in their room and spent hours studying.

They poured over their notes, highlighted important information, and even made flashcards to help them remember key concepts. They sacrificed their social life and even skipped meals just to ensure they were fully prepared for the test.

The day of the test arrived and Y/n entered the classroom feeling confident and ready. As they sat down at their desk, they took a deep breath and began to tackle the questions on the exam. They thought they had done well and felt relieved as they handed in their test to the teacher.

A few days later, Y/n received their paper back and to their horror, there was a big red "F" written in bold at the top. They couldn't believe it. After all the time and effort they had put into studying, they had failed the test.

Their heart began to race and their palms grew sweaty as they felt a panic attack coming on. They quickly gathered their things and ran out of the classroom, desperately trying to calm themselves down. But the more they tried to calm down, the worse the panic attack became. Their breathing was becoming more and more rapid as they ran through the halls to find a private area.

Just when they thought they couldn't take it anymore, and just when they found a quiet space. Enzo came running after them. Lorenzo Berkshire was not only their best friend, but also their secret crush. Enzo could see the distress on Y/n’s face and immediately knew something was wrong.

Without hesitation, the slytherin wrapped his arms around Y/n and whispered soothing words in their ear. Things like “Hey, it’s alright.” “I’m here..it’s gonna be okay.” And so on. He made sure to remind them to take deep breaths and that it was just one test, not the end of the world.

Slowly, Y/n’s breathing began to regulate and their heart rate slowed down. They looked up at Enzo with tears in their eyes, grateful for their calming presence. Enzo wiped away their tears and pressed a small kiss to their forehead.

“Feeling better, Love?” Enzo’s eyebrows were knitted together in worry, yet there was still a sweet smile on his face. Y/n nodded before deciding to get it all off their chest.

“I just…” They started, thinking of how exactly to word their sentence. “I spent so long studying. I wasn’t even taking care of myself properly. All just so I would pass the test. But I didn’t. I still failed it and now it just feels like I wasted my time.” Y/n finishes with a huff of air, showing just how frustrated they were.

Enzo nods his head. “Do you often have panic attacks? Over school?” Enzo knew Y/n so well but they had always been slightly closed off about certain things. One of those topics happened to be their mental health. While yes, they would rant to him about things or sometimes make self deprecating jokes. They almost never showed him how bad it would get.

There was only one or two times that Enzo could remember where Y/n got so upset and cried in front of him. The first time he didn’t know what to do, he just stood there shocked. But he did try his best to calm them down.

Y/n thought it over in their head before answering. “Sometimes…it usually happens in my dorm when I’m alone. Sometimes during lunch but I would just go to the bathroom..” Enzo gives them a sympathetic look which soon turned into a small mischievous smile.

“How about…” The brunette began.

“The next time you have a panic attack, we can try out that one scene from the show you like. Teen wolf? Where stiles has a panic attack and Lydia kisses him to stop it.”

“Is that your way of saying you want to kiss me???” Y/n retorted, heat flooding their face.

“I thought that was obvious? Was it not?” Enzo tilted his head as Y/n started laughing.

#slytherin boys #harry potter #lorenzo berkshire x reader #lorenzo berkshire #enzo berkshire x reader #enzo berkshire #enzo berkshire x you #comfort #fluff #fanfic

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bruhstation · 8 months

Photo

assorted 2x3x4 stuff from a few months ago (except the last one! it’s recent! it’s a limbus company AU I’m working on)

also a small life update under the cut

hi! it’s been a while since I last uploaded art or anything cstm-related. the truth is that I’m a college student now! yay! I’m studying to become a doctor too! double yay! I’ve been feeling much at home here rather than at high school to be honest XD and it’s great to have the privacy I desired compared to my dormitory life many months ago. the big city I currently reside in (I’m a country boy lol) also gives me a lot of cool places to visit, cool people to meet. I’ve been doing well, maybe a bit on the mental side? haha, it’s just the first week of uni, so I won’t get way too hopeful, but one’s gotta be optimistic

but with university comes a lot of homeworks!! not as much as in high school, but I get home late and I have to think about lots of things other than homeworks, like cleaning the apartment, cooking, etc. I’ve been busy both with my personal life and my social life in uni. I’m also currently hyperfixated on my ocs and welcome home, and lately I’ve been trying to slow down on drawing too much and avoiding burnout (also some things regarding the ttte community but atp it’s just a long lost memory and I prefer to think about the better stuff).

I have many drawing ideas for casa tidmouth, a few fanfics planned too, but I’m whittling at it all, bit by bit, at a pace I desire. hopefully, I can fully return to bruhstation later and gain my footing again. I love my story, I love my friends here, I love my supporters. I’ll just take my sweet sweet time.

thanks a lot for sticking around!

oh, I’ve also been reading more books. a LOT of them!! I think they’re a good way to expand the way I weave the themes in my story, and they’re so good. demian, the stranger, 1984, wuthering heights, moby dick... do check them out someday!!!

#thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #ttte gordon #ttte henry #ttte edward #ttte thomas #2x3x4 #casa tidmouth #senjart #anyways the lyrics are taken from that decade old hercules x ramses amv. I'm not joking #I am so SO normal about these three old geezers.#<--- have been saying this for more than a year #LCB AU

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mrghostrat · 3 months

Text

i appreciate all the kindness for my uni rejection, and anyone going through the same thing should def read through my replies if they need similar comfort. there’s a lot of “ATAR isn’t everything!” comments tho, which made me realise i haven’t actually talked much about my goals, so i wanted to share a little context.

i’m 30 (on the 17th). i took a gap year after high school and i went to uni at 19. i even dropped out a semester before graduating to pursue the one thing that was making me happy (my first original comic) during a really bad depression (undiagnosed adhd burnout). i got the last units and graduated a year later, a bachelor of game design.

haven’t used my degree once. i went into comics and freelance rather than games. but i also loved that degree and would do it all again, it was absolutely worth it.

i’ve been freelance and self sufficient for 6-7 years, and it’s fun and i’m proud of the things i’ve made, but i’m so tired. i’m specifically tired of having to work 7 different angles to make up one sufficient salary, and even if it ends up being temporary, i’d give anything for a 9-5. have someone else in charge for once.

got to the end of my rope last year and sat down to figure out what i like and what i’m good at. a Life Plan, yknow. i’ve always had an interest in teaching, helping, connecting like that. figured out degrees and became really invested in this new trajectory i pictured my life going on. i was also tired of waiting, because every time i wanted to move back to the city from this tiny town we’re in, somethings come up or delayed it. so zita helped me figure out how we could get the ball rolling and break our lease 3 months early, so we could move back to melbourne and i could start my degree this year. we looked for (and found) an apartment specifically on the side of the city that would be closest to my campus.

i hope that gives a lil context as to why i’m so devastated right now. the last 5 months have been me revving up to start this new chapter at the end of feb and one little email said nah.

the degree i wanted to do was a double degree, secondary education (hons) and a BA of fine arts. i was equally excited for both, because i never got to do a lot of actual art learning in my last degree, and the BA would give me all of that— life drawing, sculpting, painting, wood/metal/jewellery working, digital, fuckin everything. but it was the less important of the pair, when it comes to getting myself a job as an art teacher, because i already have the art experience. it was just a fun bonus, and the education degree was the one i NEEDED.

in nov i had to travel to melbourne to present a portfolio and interview for the BA. they showed me around the studio too, and i fell a little bit in love. i got the acceptance email in december, but i still didn’t have an offer for the education degree. another reason why i’m so discombobulated— i technically have an invitation, but it’s for the less important degree that would just be a money sink. do i go to uni anyway?? or just ignore this invitation and move on?

my state recently made education/teaching degrees free as a way of encouraging more teacher jobs. i learnt about this after i decided i wanted to pursue teaching, so it was just a fun lil bonus that i wouldn’t be adding to my student debt. apparently not, bc i didn’t think about how every teenager and their dog would apply for teaching degrees so they could get straight into uni without any debt. so, even tho i’m a graduate and i’m not relying on school scores, i was one in a million, likely just numbers on a page, and didn’t get in.

there could be other paths. i could start the BA and add the Edu degree later? i could reapply for mid year intake. i could… idk, most of what i could do requires emailing Monash and asking wtf, because i have no idea what’s actually possible and will need someone to lay it out for me.

still feels like i’ve run into a brick wall though. little bit shut down. more sad, not quite angry, but suddenly really spiteful for some reason— like “oh, you don’t want me? okay fuck you then, i won’t ever teach.” so stupid. just a bit fragile rn

#ghost scribbles

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nihilistem · 8 months

Text

adhd study tips.

by a stem student with adhd.

disclaimer!!! I’m by no means an expert in mental health or adhd but I do happen to have it. My intention with this post is to help others with adhd get more comfortable with studying so the process will be smoother for them!! At the end of the day, despite having the same disorder our brains will still work differently so do keep in mind that these may or may not help you, but are something you can try out if you’re stuck on not being able to study efficiently.

here’s some adhd study affirmations + tips on straying from discouragement if you’re experiencing burnout.

(And here’s part 2 of adhd study tips.)

I’ll start this off by listing more commonly known study tips that also work well with adhd.

change up your environment every now and then. we seek novelty even more than neurotypical people already do so switching it up will definitely help in our studies, especially if the place is well lit!

try some questions of the topic you’re trying to learn even when you know nothing about it. both neurotypical and neurodivergent brains are hardwired to remember things when we are proven wrong, and this is a great way of utilizing this neurological response!

take walks, exercise or stretch during your breaks. this tip is very effective at satiating our hyperactivity and also keeps us energized throughout our study session.

keep a notebook for your brain dump / ideas. we always either think of really stupid things or the most brilliant ideas in the middle of our study sessions and it almost always leads to distraction, but writing it down somewhere lets your brain know that the idea isn’t going anywhere and you can continue studying.

now, onto the tips that have personally helped with my adhd (and I haven’t seen many others talk about.)

alternate between various study plans, routines, schedules and techniques and always be open to finding more of them. majority of the time people always say ‘have a routine that works for you and stick with it’ but our adhd brains get bored very quickly, especially when it comes to repeated routines and schedules. I personally never stick to the same routine or plan more than three days in a row and sometimes I even make a plan on the spot and I’ve been more productive doing that than when I had only one or two study routines to switch between.

do not time yourself at the very beginning. Instead, focus on something in your studies you’re interested in and start there. what do I mean by this? well, since starting is always the hardest, when we begin our very first pomodoro we might find ourselves spending the first 25 minutes zoning out on a textbook just to get that ‘study time’ in even though you didn’t actually learn or recall anything. So to combat this, begin with something you’re genuinely curious about, or ask a question you can’t help but wonder the answer to. Once you find the answer, you might find you’re more in the zone and can continue from there. If not, take a short break and begin the pomodoros afterwards.

if you’re zoning out while reading up on a topic, try walking around while reading, looking at different sources on it or do some questions on that topic. again, novelty always gets us every time. sometimes the problem may be that the explanation in front of you isn’t making sense in your head and other sources may phrase things in a way that is better for your understanding. perhaps the problem is that you’re staying too still and you need to satisfy the hyperactive part of your adhd. or maybe your brain subconsciously believes that they already know what needs to be known about this topic, and there’s no better way to test that by trying out some questions on it.

switch between lyrical and non-lyrical music playlists, but make sure the lyrical music inspires you to excel. this definitely won’t apply to a lot of people but I found that when I constantly listened to piano, lo-fi or just non-lyrical music while studying in general, it actually promoted my likelihood of zoning out. but recently I found a playlist I deeply resonated with that was related to my studies called, ‘pov : a try-hard mid student who wants to ace everything’ and because I related very deeply with both the title and the lyrics of the songs, I was actively being encouraged to study as I was studying. but I also recognize when I really need to think in certain areas and that’s when I switch back to the non-lyrical music.

this is all I have as of right now but please do lmk if you guys want more of these!! I really wanna help out as much people as possible because my studies suffered greatly due to both my adhd and my late diagnosis of it and I’d love to help out others going through something similar.

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coalswriting · 9 months

Text

in the wilderness with you (part i) - shauna shipman

part ii

summary – shauna and (y/n) have a clumsy beginning. (approx. 1.8k words)

a/n – sorry this took so long to get out :’)) i had major burnout, and honestly i still do, but i’m hoping it’ll get better as i start the next chapter since this was mostly a scene setting chapter!! this is gonna have three parts so i hope y’all stick around for all of them!! peace!!

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

you had always watched shauna from afar. you were a shy person - you could never get yourself to talk to her. she always seemed to be around jackie, and you personally found jackie to be quite bitchy, so you were always too hesitant to approach.

shauna was brilliant at soccer, smart, beautiful, admirable. you noticed all sorts of things about her; how her eyebrows scrunched when she would be solving a difficult question in physics, the way she sometimes put the cap of her pen in between her lips, how she frowned whenever jackie would mention jeff, and how she always walked a little bit behind her. it’s like jackie was more important than shauna, but to you, shauna shone brighter out of the two. she was like a forest fire; beautiful, destructive, and impossible to avoid. her presence was prominent in your life, but not as a friend. you admired shauna, and you wanted to feel her arms around you – her lips on you, but you knew that simply wasn’t a possibility. after all, you were just you, and she was leagues ahead of that.

as a person, you were very straight to the cut. you went to class, went to soccer practice, and went home every day. sometimes you would hang out with taissa; she was your only friend in soccer, but generally, you kept to yourself until the day that she dragged you to that party.

“c’mon, (y/n), you have to go!”, taissa urged, hand on your arm as you dug through your bag for your hairbrush. you turned to look at your friend, a peeved look on your face.

“you know i’m not a party person, and besides, i want to get a good rest before the flight.”

taissa groaned, ignoring your reasoning, “it’s team bonding!! c’monn! it’ll be worth it.”

“fine”, you sighed, knowing that she wouldn’t let up easily.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

your hands trembled as you walked through jackie’s front door. music was blaring from another room, but it was loud enough to where taissa had to raise her voice to talk to you. you followed her to the kitchen that she had been in many times and watched as she poured some of jackie’s father’s expensive tequila into a shot glass. handing it to you, it didn’t take you long to gain the willpower to take the shot – you knew you wouldn’t be able to socialise without some alcohol in your system. it was salty yet smooth, and you were pleasantly surprised when you didn’t feel a bite. before you knew it, you were through five more of them, and heavily intoxicated.

“tai?”, you called, a cup of water in your hand, as you pushed through the crowds of students. she had left about five minutes prior to go to the bathroom and hadn’t returned yet. you couldn’t find her anywhere. you grumbled as you bumped into somebody, spilling a bit of the water on yourself.

“oh sorry!”

your (e/c) orbs met autumny ones.

“oh, hey (y/n),” jackie, the captain of your soccer team had said, “you look a little frazzled. are you alright?”

you nodded silently with a smile before noticing a familiar pair of innocent chocolate coloured doe eyes next to jackie. shauna. your palms felt sweaty as you simply stared at the beautiful brunette, a blush forming on your cheeks. you hoped that the dull lighting of the room would hide it, but shauna looked at you with a raised eyebrow. she knew. suddenly sobering up a little, you tore your eyes away from the breathtaking girl, meeting jackie’s gaze once again. “actually, uh, i’m looking for taissa.”

“oh,” jackie said with a thin-lipped grin, turning to smirk at shauna, then back to you, “uh, she actually went upstairs with van. it’s best to leave them alone, you know how it is…”

you stared, confused, not connecting one and the other, before shauna grabbed one of your arms, “here, why don’t you stay with us?” she asked with a cool confidence. you jumped at her contact, and for a moment, you swore that she smirked at you.

after spending a bit of time with jackie and shauna, you had discovered that you were immersed in shauna. she was so, unbelievably alluring when you saw her at school, but as she was now – in her tight red dress and denim jacket – she was so much more. every word that she spoke was like music to your ears and you were addicted to her presence. you hit it off immediately. you laughed at a sarcastic comment she had made, giving her a gentle shove with your arm. shauna chuckled, wiping her eye before looking at the campfire. “i’m going to grab a drink. do the both of you want something?”

“oohhh, can you get me a drink too?” you asked as jackie just shook her head no towards shauna with a smile.

once shauna left to get your drinks, jackie looped an arm around your shoulders, bringing your face closer to hers. she brought her mouth to the side of your face, whispering hot air into your ear, “do you like shauna?”

you froze up as you felt your blood run cold. it was as if everything in the room moved in slow motion, other than jackie and you. she pulled away, noticing your shock and gently placed a hand on your shoulder. “(y/n), are you okay?”

“uh, i..”

“it’s okay if you do,” she finally said, after a small moment, “she likes you too. wait, shoot!! i wasn’t supposed to tell you that!”

the both of you looked into each other’s eyes before bursting out into drunken laughter. jackie wasn’t as bad as you thought she was. eventually, shauna returned, and jackie excused herself, wiggling her eyebrows at you suggestively. your cheeks grew red as shauna gazed at you; confusion etched on her face.

“what was that?”, she said, a tinge of jealousy in her voice as she handed you your drink.

“oh, nothing, we just had a heart to heart…” you took a sip of your drink, cringing after you swallowed, “damn, is half of this vodka?!”

sauna’s lips contorted from a tight straight line into an amused grin as she looped a hand around your arm, almost possessively, “yeah, it’s more fun that way, don’t you think? lets go for a walk.”

the two of you began talking as you strayed further from the party, and you watched as the moonlight reflected off shauna’s nose. it illuminated her already captivating eyes, making you lose yourself in them.

the conversation, which was about the book shauna was writing, began to become dominated by the graceful brunette as you listened, an essence of want in your eyes. after a few minutes, things grew tense.

“so, yeah, i plan to have the final chapters written before we graduate and then i’ve a publisher hired already… (y/n), what’s wrong?” shauna’s voice trailed off as she caught your intense look. for a moment, the two of you just stared at each other until she rose a hand to twirl some of your hair around your finger.

“you’re stunning, shauna,” you murmured, alcohol hazing the part of your brain responsible for rational thinking (sober you would be ringing every single alarm bell by now).

“oh, yeah?” she smirked, lifting your chin with her hand, “you’re not too bad yourself.”

you felt a familiar static in the back of your head as your heart began hammering in your chest; it was a storm compared to the serene calmness of the warm night. you swore that you would faint if this continued much longer, so on a whim, you burst out, “can i kiss you? i mean it’s okay if no-“

before you could finish your sentence, shauna crashed her lips onto yours. she kissed with a hunger; like she was an animal starved of food. you were her sustenance, and her hands roamed your body, as if she desired to learn everything about you. you moaned into her lips before she pulled away, a darkness in her eyes.

“let’s get out of here, (l/n).”

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

you stirred in your sleep, as if you were trying to climb out of a deep hole. you struggled and pulled against the metaphorical walls of your slumber, a loud ringing in your ears. then, your bleary eyes fluttered open. an alarm clock next to you rang violently and you heard a rough growl behind you. an arm tightened around your stomach as another reached to turn off the alarm.

suddenly, you felt much more awake, unaware of your surroundings, and it seemed like the person behind you woke up too from the realisation that they were not alone. swiftly turning around, you met the shocked eyes of none other than shauna shipman, the girl you had kissed at the party yesterday.

she didn’t seem impressed as she just stared at you. then, coldly, she sat up and walked into the ensuite bathroom in the corner of her room. you heard the shower turn on soon after, and you began to get dressed, cautiously and shakily. your head felt like a torpedo, pulsating in pain and shame. of course, shauna would regret it. you sighed, the back of your throat burning in pain, but you bit back tears.

you didn’t talk on the drive to the airport, and you didn’t talk as you queued up with the other girls, listening to coach scott as he explained the plan for the day. jackie looked questionably at you, then she reached towards shauna to whisper something in her ear. shauna glared at her with a bitter expression, then glanced at you for a moment. your head whirred in thoughts as you began to spiral. had you done something when you were drunk? you didn’t really remember the night. you must’ve fucked up and now it was awkward. shauna hated you, and now jackie would hate you too.

as you hesitantly and wordlessly sat next to taissa on the plane, your eyes wandered to search for shauna. you couldn’t stop thinking about her. she just rested her head atop her hand and looked out the window, walkman blaring music in her ears. your eyes dropped, darting down to your knees.

“you seem down, what’s wrong, (y/n)?” taissa asked, worry evident in every syllable as she placed a hand on your own.

you just shook your tired head, eventually resting it on her shoulder. taissa sighed, looping an arm around your back, pulling you closer.

eventually, you fell asleep, memories of shauna present in your mind.

#yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets #shauna shipman #shauna shipman x reader

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