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thedivinefish · 1 year

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TGIWednesday... Just a trim

TGIWednesday News

I’ve been seeing the same hair stylist for awhile now and after decades I believe I know what works for me and what doesn’t. How many of us have described to a stylist what we want in color or cut or style in glorious detail and while they seem to be enthralled with what we’re saying, they’re probably thinking, “Yeah ok, now I’ll cut it the way I want to”. Needless to say, we wound up way too short and she said at the end, “I’ll see you in 5 weeks!” More like Spring I thought to myself through a struggling smile. I am fishing for you and I to both to be clear and succinct in our communications. I also see us infusing more positive into our believe, think, know and feel concepts about everything. Wishing you and yours the very best of this holiday season and beyond. Feeling "extra crispy" from holiday stress? Schedule a 15 minute tune-up or a 30-minute transformative session today! www.jimmymackhealingshop.com

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~ BEING MORE DIRECT ~ I believe, think, know and feel that I can be more direct and precise in all of my communications. I know when, where, how and why to speak clearly and with enough detail to accomplish my goals. I am ready willing and able to find my inner voice and to speak up for myself so that I am heard, valued and achieve my goals here and now. I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is. Wishing you and yours the best of the holiday season and beyond so that the rest of your life will be the best of your life because you’ll be making a little progress each and every day.

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Below is list of over 35 titles in the MyBeliefWorks Clearings audio series, monthly Zoom clearing call replays and Guided Energy Processess. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better and we are ALWAYS working on the next one. Don’t forget… you can share these with your immediate friends and family.

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The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

DECEMBER 21ST "Today I will remember that some days are better than others for all of us. Each day can rise and fall with good or bad news on a single text, phone call, email or conversation, so today I will start it with a prayer and breathe through it in meditative silence remembering that in either good or bad, brevity is the key!"

From the Fish Box

Hi Jimmy. My daughter just got hired!!!!!!!. She is a dental receptionist. Full time! Will start in 2 weeks after vetting. Funny note. The dental office is close to where she got married. She can look out and see the fountain in the lake where her photos were taken. Would like to schedule an additional appointment to assist her in being successful. Thank you immensely. - Jeanne in California

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We recently launched our new ANCHORS AWAY MASTERCLASS and what has come through from Spirit is truly a game-changer in the way we can ALL now clear off evil, dark energies, aliens and anomalies in a deep, profound and lasting way.

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divinefishingtips · 1 year

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TGIWednesday... Just a trim

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

*NEW* The Fish Market

Healing and grounding Mats for all occasions. Yes even Lily my cat uses the pet one! >>>> View Grounding Mats here Enter code: MyLiquidFishfs at Checkout for Free Shipping

Buy GCs here!

The 5 Anchors Process

The Purple Rain Process

The Magical Golden Key

View Full Zoom Replay Collection

FREE Live Appearances

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

From the Fish Box

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Come See Me in the Tampa Office

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

Use PayPal for subscription Click here Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

30-Days of Prayer - $99

Self-paced Online Courses Available Anchors Away Masterclass & Mastery/Practitioner Certification

MEMBERS LOGIN HERE

I recorded a video to tell you more about how you can get access to my brand new Anchors Away Masterclass so you can learn how to protect and clear the 5 Anchors & more.

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MLF MASTERY LEVEL 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime!

Learn About Certification Here

TGIFunny

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-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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365dailyaffirmations · 1 year

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TGIWednesday... Just a trim

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

*NEW* The Fish Market

Healing and grounding Mats for all occasions. Yes even Lily my cat uses the pet one! >>>> View Grounding Mats here Enter code: MyLiquidFishfs at Checkout for Free Shipping

Buy GCs here!

The 5 Anchors Process

The Purple Rain Process

The Magical Golden Key

View Full Zoom Replay Collection

FREE Live Appearances

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

From the Fish Box

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Come See Me in the Tampa Office

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

Use PayPal for subscription Click here Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

30-Days of Prayer - $99

Self-paced Online Courses Available Anchors Away Masterclass & Mastery/Practitioner Certification

MEMBERS LOGIN HERE

I recorded a video to tell you more about how you can get access to my brand new Anchors Away Masterclass so you can learn how to protect and clear the 5 Anchors & more.

Watch the Video Now

MLF MASTERY LEVEL 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime!

Learn About Certification Here

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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advancedthetapractitioner · 1 year

Text

TGIWednesday... Just a trim

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

*NEW* The Fish Market

Healing and grounding Mats for all occasions. Yes even Lily my cat uses the pet one! >>>> View Grounding Mats here Enter code: MyLiquidFishfs at Checkout for Free Shipping

Buy GCs here!

The 5 Anchors Process

The Purple Rain Process

The Magical Golden Key

View Full Zoom Replay Collection

FREE Live Appearances

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

From the Fish Box

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Come See Me in the Tampa Office

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

Use PayPal for subscription Click here Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

30-Days of Prayer - $99

Self-paced Online Courses Available Anchors Away Masterclass & Mastery/Practitioner Certification

MEMBERS LOGIN HERE

I recorded a video to tell you more about how you can get access to my brand new Anchors Away Masterclass so you can learn how to protect and clear the 5 Anchors & more.

Watch the Video Now

MLF MASTERY LEVEL 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime!

Learn About Certification Here

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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miserablesme · 3 years

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The Les Miserables Changelog Part 2: 1985-1986 West End

Hello, everyone! This is the latest edition in my attempt to chronicle all of the musical and lyrical changes which the show Les Miserables has undergone over the years. Today, we look at the differences between the later of the two available Barbican preview audios (more on that in Part 1) and the West End variant of the musical as it existed in 1986. Only one rather poor quality audio is available of the show's pre-Broadway, post-Barbican form (though a friend of a friend has multiple masters from the era that she apparently keeps meaning to digitize). It is known to come from 1986, but the exact date remains a mystery. As such we cannot know when exactly most of the changes might have been made.

Reportedly (according to The Complete Book of Les Miserables) the majority of these refinements were made between the closing of the Barbican show and the opening of the West End one. However, some further refinements were doubtless made during the Barbican previews, and some likely were made between the opening of the West End production and whenever the audio was recorded. With all that cleared up, let's get started!

As I mentioned in Part 1, the very early Barbican previews of the opening "Work Song" featured this chain of lyrics (no pun intended):

I’ve done no wrong

Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer

Look down, look down

Sweet Jesus doesn’t care

I killed a man

He tried to steal my wife

Look down, look down

She wasn’t worth your life

I know she’ll wait

I know that she’ll be true

Look down, look down

She’s long forgotten you

As has also been established, later previews removed one sequence of lines to create the following exchange:

I’ve done no wrong

Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer

Look down, look down

Sweet Jesus doesn’t care

I killed a man

He tried to steal my wife

Look down, look down

She wasn’t worth your life

However, by 1986 another sequence was removed and the originally removed one was added back then. Thus, the still-current lyrics as of today are as follows:

I’ve done no wrong

Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer

Look down, look down

Sweet Jesus doesn’t care

I know she’ll wait

I know that she’ll be true

Look down, look down

She’s long forgotten you

A much better choice of cuts in my opinion. The point of the opening scene is to present the prisoners sympathetically, as comparatively innocent victims of an overly brutal and elitist police system. Establishing a member of the chain gang as literally being a murderer doesn't really help send that message!

Everything stays the same until "Fantine's Arrest". The Barbican previews feature this sequence:

(FANTINE)

There's a child who sorely needs me

Please monsieur, she's but that high

Holy God! Is there no mercy?

If I go to jail she'll die

(TOWNSPEOPLE[?])

Take this harlot now this minute

Let there be a full report

Let her go back in the morning

Let her answer to the court

(FANTINE)

Gentle Jesus! Won't you save me?

Are there tears enough to cry?

(JAVERT)

It's the same pathetic story

Please monsieur, my child will die!

I have heard such protestations...

By the 1986 recording, everything between "Take this harlot" and "Please monsieur, my child will die!" has been totally removed. I have a bit of a soft spot for that sequence, though I can't earnestly say the musical lost anything by removing it. Indeed Javert comes across as unbelievably heartless there!

As Part 1 pointed out, the earlier Barbican preview had Valjean shout "You know where to find me!" at the end of "Who Am I?", while the later preview did not. The 1986 recording interestingly reinserts that line, but now Valjean speaks it much more casually, without the slightly cheesy passion of the first recording. This makes me wonder whether or not it was initially removed because it was hard to take seriously, and a calmer rendition was reinstated as a compromise? Who knows.

A subtle change occurs at the beginning of the "Confrontation" sequence. During the Barbican previews, the number opens with a few notes being played and then repeated. However, by the 1986 recording the notes do not repeat. It goes straight into Javert's announcement (which Roger Allam has now learned to sing on time!) after the notes play the first time. The sequence would stay this way for quite awhile before being further shortened - more on that in a later edition!

We now go to the subsequent number, Little Cosette's famous "Castle on a Cloud" song. The Barbican previews give her a few lines before the main number starts (sung in a similar tune to her remarks about Mme. Thenardier's arrival at the end of the song):

They’ll come back any minute

And I’m nowhere near finished

Sweeping and scrubbing and polishing the floor

It’s the same every day, oh please!

Don’t let Madame hit me again

I should be used to it, but then

I know a place where nobody has to work too hard

And where I won’t be lonely again

These lines, taken closely from the original French concept album, don't really add much to the number plot-wise that won't be stated later except for more explicit confirmation that Mme. Thenardier is abusive. Perhaps partly for this reason, by the 1986 recording these lines are removed, and after the opening instrumentals it goes straight into the number we all know.

As I previously mentioned in Part 1, the later recording I have of the Barbican previews cut out the following lines during the preamble to Master of the House. I originally mistakenly claimed that the cuts occured after Thenardier's verse, but in actuality that verse too is removed.

(THENARDIER)

My band of soaks, my den of disollutes

My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts

My sons of whores spend their lives in my inn

Homing pigeons homing in

They fly through my doors

And their money's good as yours

(CUSTOMERS)

Ain’t got a clue what he put into his stew

Must’ve scraped it off the street

Hell, what a wine

Châteauneuf de Turpentine

Must’ve pressed it with his feet

Landlord over here

Where’s the bloody man

One more for the road

One more slug of gin

Just one more or my old man is gonna do me in

By the 1986 recording, they are back in all their glory. Indeed, as you can read in Part 1 of this series Trevor Nunn himself has confirmed that the crew decided the number didn't work as well without the full preamble (an exception being, shockingly enough, Cameron Mackintosh).

During the Barbican previews, "Master of the House" was followed by a beautiful Well Scene between Valjean and Little Cosette:

(LITTLE COSETTE)

There is a castle on a cloud

I like to go there in my sleep

Aren’t any floors for me to sweep

(A FEW SECONDS OF INSTRUMENTALS)

(VALJEAN)

Don’t be afraid of me, my dear

Tell me your name and have no fear

How cold it grows when the sun has set

(LITTLE COSETTE)

I’m not afraid

Monsieur, my name’s Cosette

(VALJEAN)

Nor will you be afraid again

I come to take you from this place

There is a better world, you’ll see

(LITTLE COSETTE)

Give me your hand, and walk with me.

This leads into the humming duet between Valjean and Cosette. However, in what I consider the biggest mistake of this era's adjustments, the Well Scene was totally excised from the West End version and "Master of the House" is following directly by the humming duet. Trevor Nunn remarked a degree of regret about this in 1990's The Complete Book of Les Miserables. I don't have the book on hand right now, but I'll put down the exact quote later.

Of course, the Well Scene would later return in a much different form, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Perhaps to compensate for the deleted scene, another scene is added after the "Waltz of Treachery" number. During the Barbican previews, Valjean's "It won't take you too long to forget" is followed by a lot of vamping and eventually a reprise of Valjean and Cosette's humming duet. The West End production slightly reduces the vamping from about one minute to about forty-five seconds, and adds a scene (sung in the tune of "Castle on a Cloud", specifically the "there is a lady all in white" part at first and the main chorus for "Nor will you be afraid again" onwards):

(LITTLE COSETTE)

We're going home right now, monsieur

What is your name

(VALJEAN)

Now my dear

I've names enough, I've got names to spare

But where I go, you always will be there

Nor will you be afraid again

There is a sun that's shining yet

(LITTLE COSETTE)

I'm going to call you my Papa

(VALJEAN)

I'm going to call you my Cosette

The normal humming duet follows. This is a fascinating scene which seems to be exclusive to the brief era after the Barbican previews but before Broadway. It's interesting how it incorporates elements both of the opening Well Scene and of the more well-known later closing scene to the "Waltz of Treachery". It's also intriguing how it incorporates elements not really touched upon this directly in any other version of the musical, specifically just how mysterious and secretive Valjean is to the world in general as well as the fact that Cosette, in fact, is not truly Cosette's given name.

Everything seems to be the same from this point until "The Attack on Rue Plumet". In the Barbican previews, this is how the opening goes:

(EPONINE)

'Parnasse, what are you doing

So far out of our patch?

(MONTPARNASSE)

This house, we're gonna do it!

Rich man, plenty of scratch

You remember he's the bloke wot got away the other day

Got a number on his chest, perhaps a fortune put away

Took off like a guilty man, why would he want to disappear?

Now we're gonna do him right, this time no one will interfere

Everything from "Took off like a guilty man" onwards is removed from the West End version. Later in the number, we hear approximately the following exchange in the Barbican show. Fans have debated what exactly some of the lyrics are, but this is how I hear them:

(CLAQUESOUS)

What a palaver, what an absolute treat

To watch a cat and his father pick a bone in the street

(THENARDIER)

Not a sound out of you

(EPONINE)

What do you care if things scare me

(THENARDIER)

Listen 'Ponine, there might be jewels inside

There could be something for all

There could be bruises enough

You will have your share

(EPONINE)

Well I told you I'd do it, I told you I'd do it

The West End production reduces the vamping prior to this scene. Additionally, everything between "What do you care" and "You will have your share" is removed, meaning the "I told you I'd do it" is a direct remark to "Not a sound out of you". This is a much more linear and succinct way of moving the plot in my humble opinion!

That's it for act one! Act two begins largely the same, up until the scene where Gavroche reveals Javert to be a traitor. First off, Javert's original claim that they will "play their games" is changed to "spoil their games".

Next is probably this version's biggest change in the entire musical up to this point. Originally Gavroche sung approximately the following lines (once again, the recordings aren't as clear as would be desirable) in a unique tune heard nowhere else in the musical:

Good evening, dear inspector, lovely evening my dear!

A charlie for a copper who pays a call

I know who you’re supposed to be, Inspector Javert

Who never showed no mercy to no one at all

So don’t believe a word, none of it will wash

This time you’re reckoned without Gavroche!

The West End version scrapped this sequence and replaced it with "Little People" (which originally appeared in a much longer form later in the musical). This is how it went:

Good evening dear inspector, lovely evening my dear

I know this man, my friends, his name's Inspector Javert

So don't believe a word he says 'cause none of it's true

It only goes to show what little people can do

And little people know, when little people fight

We may look easy picking but we've got some bite

So never kick a dog because he's just a pup

You'd better run for cover when the pup grows up!

This edited placement of "Little People" is often attributed to the original Broadway production, but in fact it made its debut in the West End show. I'm not sure when exactly this was, given that the original cast album uses the long version. However, by the 1986 recording this is how it goes. It should be noted that it's not quite in its Broadway form, however; most notably, "We'll fight like twenty armies and we won't give up!" is not present.

A minor difference occurs during the First Attack sequence. In the Barbican production, this is how the students respond to their victory:

(GRANTAIRE)

By God, we've won the day

(LESGLES)

See how they run away

The West End production swaps the two students' lines, allowing Grantaire's slightly incredulous spirit to have a more poignant and/or amusing effect depending on your perspective.

Consequently given the new placement of the song, the show obviously had to be edited to remove the original "Little People" number. Originally, this is the way the show transitioned between the First Attack and "Little People":

(ENJOLRAS)

Courfeyrac, you take the watch

They won't attack until it's light

Everybody stay awake

We must be ready for the fight

For the final fight

Let no one sleep tonight

(GRANTAIRE)

Only little boys may sleep

For little people need their rest

Little tucks are quickly drained

And little grapes are quickly pressed

Come on little mite

It's time to say goodnight

Cue the original "Little People" number in all of its long, silly glory (in case you somehow don't know it, here are the lyrics). The West End production (and everything afterwards) cuts Grantaire's verse, so that the scene transitions straight from Enjolras' announcement to "Drink with Me". As much as I love the full-length "Little People" number (and I really do love it), I admit removing it was definitely the right choice. It's just so sweet and optimistic, it feels out of place in a musical as tragic and cynical as Les Miserables. It doesn't help that its placement is between a high-stakes action scene and a somber, slightly drunk reflection on the nature of friendships, sex, and romance. It's a wonderful song but a terrible Les Mis song. I do love it, though, and I also love how Grantaire manages to make his pre-song metaphors alcohol-related.

In the sewers, the Barbican recordings feature a unique tune not heard anywhere elsewhere in the musical (it can be heard here) before transitioning to the final Valjean-Javert confrontation. Apparently, this music was accompanied by a short chase scene. However, by the time of the 1986 recording there is instead what is essentially one repeated note which then transitions into an instrumental version of "Look Down". This is followed by the same Valjean-Javert confrontation as before.

And that just about sums this part up! If I missed anything feel free to let me know, as my goal is to create a changelog as thorough and complete as possible. I plan on making more parts in the near future covering all the changes that have been made in the show up until this day (discounting concerts). Any feedback and constructive criticism is very much appreciated.

As a side note, both for this project and my own enjoyment, I want as complete a collection of Les Miserables audios as possible. I already have most of what’s commonly circulated, but if you have any audios or videos you know are rare, I’d love it if you DMed me!

Until the turntable puts me at the forefront again, good-bye…

#les mierables #les mis #les miz #barbican #west end #changelog #history #1985 #1986 #comparison #the les miserables changelog #changes #theatre #musical #part 2

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the-obiwan-for-me · 3 years

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For those who are here for my "She Said the Word" AU and are anxiously awaiting the next chapter of "More Than Blood," it's going to be awhile because real life has my writing in the backseat until at least Thursday evening. But I miss sharing and so I thought I could offer up a little tiny treat to hold you all over.

So here is your tiny little thing. A short scene between Bo and Ursa, set in the months following the conclusion of "She Said the Word" (so don't read any further if you haven't finished and don't want spoilers).

This comes from a conversation we had over on the Obitine discord recently. What started as a bit of a cracky discussion on how certain people would feel about discussing their sex life or making sexual jokes, ended up morphing into an angst fest (because we are an angsty bunch) over what Satine, and then Ursa would think or do if they saw innocuous bruises left on Bo after.... intimate activities with Tol'ket. And then I had to write.

So, here it is. TW for allusions to a past abusive relationship.

Bruises

"Just give me fifteen minutes," Bo said, as Ursa trailed behind her through the tiny flat.

Bo had only lived in Tol'ket's Sundari flat a few, short months, but it was slowly showing signs of a comfortable lived-inness that hadn't been there the first time Ursa had visited, shortly after their release from Coruscant. Tol'ket admitted he rarely used the flat prior to saying the riduurok with Bo in the midst of nearly dying, mostly keeping it to store clean underpants and the few personal possessions he owned.

But now, with the temptation of a beautiful wife to share a bed with, the flat was far more appealing than the cot shoved into the corner of his office.

Ursa walked past a print of Lily's Resol'nare portrait- painted by her own husband, Alrich, and candid holos of the Kryze family. She stopped and admired one of Bo and Tol'ket, on a sunny beach on Scarif, Bo in some tiny bathing suit, grinning wildly at the camera in a wide brimmed hat, as Tol'ket looked at her adoringly.

"Stars, I always forget how sexy you are," Ursa teased. "And I am such a whale right now."

Bo's laugh echoed from the bedroom. "You're not a whale. You're weeks away from giving birth."

Ursa followed the sound of her voice and found her peeling off her beskar, stacking it neatly alongside Tol'ket's. "He's still on admin?" Ursa asked, gesturing at his beskar.

Bo sighed as she unfastened her shoulder bells. "His choice. He says he still doesn't feel strong enough to do it right. Load of bantha shit if you ask me. He exceeds all the Protector requirement standards except in flexibility."

"I'm sure you have ways to help that." Ursa caught Bo's eye in the vanity mirror and smiled cheekily.

"Oh, absolutely I do," Bo said with a wink. Ursa laughed as Bo went on. "Anyway, he's using his time off of duty to study. Prepare in case he wins the election. The man is brilliant but is completely convinced he knows nothing about government. Nothing about Mandalore."

She was laughing as she peeled off her flight suit, revealing an angry, purple bruise on her bicep, in the vague shape of a large hand. The sight made Ursa's blood run cold and the bottom drop out of her stomach. She clenched her fists, her nails biting into her palms.

"I will kill him."

The laugh died on Bo's lips. "What?"

Ursa stalked closer to Bo, gently taking her arm in her hands. The all too familiar feeling made her dizzy with despair. "What did he do to you? I will kill him, Bo-Katan. I trusted him."

Bo looked down at her arm in Ursa's hand and the slow realization of what Ursa was talking about dawned on her. She turned to face her fully, pulling her arm free of her grip, her flight suit hanging loose around her hips.

“Oh, Ursa, no. No, it’s not like that.”

“You have said that before, Bo-Katan.” Ursa’s eyes stung with tears of rage and grief. How could she have judged a man so wrong? She had trusted Tol’ket with her dearest friend, the person she loved almost as much as she loved her own husband (Alrich would say she loved Bo more than him, and he probably wasn’t wrong). How could she have read that man so completely poorly? “You have said that before and I have seen these bruises before.” She looked her up and down, looking for more. She brushed her hair away from her neck, looking for purple fingerprints left by an angry hand.

“But this time I am not lying," Bo said, catching Ursa's hand with hers. "It’s not like that, Ursa. It is never like that. It could never be like that. He loves me. He would never hurt me.”

“Then why is there a fucking bruise the size and shape of Tol’ket’s hand on your arm, Bo? Tell me.”

Bo turned away in a huff, shimming out of her flight suit and pulling on a pair of soft leggings. “Oh for the love of our ancestors, Ursa. I tripped.”

Ursa scoffed. “Again. I’ve heard that before.”

“Shut up and listen to me. We went to some damn campaign event two nights ago, and I stepped and tripped on my karking dress. I was going down hard and fast, and he grabbed me, by my arm, to keep me from busting my fool head open on the duracreet.” Ursa’s skepticism must have been plainly written across her face because Bo growled in frustration. “Hold on.”

She marched to her side of the bed and grabbed a datapad up off the nightstand. A few strokes later, a holonews reel began to play. In it, Bo walked a pace ahead of Tol’ket, his hand on the small of her back as they entered some event hall in what looked like Keldabe. They were both elegantly dressed- they made for a very striking couple- with Bo in a long, dark blue gown. Bo looked out into the crowd surrounding the entrance, and, in her distraction, her high heel shoe snagged the hem of her gown, halting her momentum suddenly. She started to go down, just as Bo had said. Tol’ket, reflexes sharp as ever, grabbed for her, finding purchase on her bare arm. Within a fraction of a second he was righting her, and they were both laughing as he cupped her cheek. Even though there was no audio, save some news anchor’s obnoxious commentary, it was clear he was asking if she was alright. Then, he was taking her arm and leading her, both still laughing at her uncharacteristic clumsiness.

“See?”

“I swear I will still kill him if he ever hurts you, Bo.”

“I am very certain he knows that, Ursa, but you need not worry. He never will. He is good, Ursa. And kind. And gentle. You know that.”

Ursa sat down heavily on the foot of the bed, a hand falling to her very swollen belly. “I do,” she said softly. “I’ve seen too many bruises on you, Bo. I panicked. I just want you to be safe and happy.”

Bo stepped close, leaning down to place a kiss to her forehead. “I am both those things and more. Thank you, though, for caring so much. Thank you for being so protective. But, please, Ursa. Please don’t kill my husband. I rather like having him around.”

Ursa chuckled. “I make no guarantees, but he’s safe for now.” Then she spun Bo around and smacked her on the backside. “Now hurry up and finish changing. I am starving.”

#fan fic writing #fan fic #star wars fanfiction #she said the word #she said the word au #more than blood #bo katan kryze #ursa wren #edean tol'ket #tw past trauma #tw past abusive relationship

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stars-and-spice · 2 years

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Five books I want to read this year

Thanks @4pondsinabox for the tag :) I’m genuinely not great with reading books, but I did read/listen to more last year so I’m hoping to get more into them in 2022.

However I’ve got a lot of books with cool blurbs saved, but not much of idea which I will read until start and see if I like them, so this list is somewhat random and non fixed..

1: This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone - I started this last year and am already half way through so it’s rather cheating to count this as one of my five but I do want to finish it. It’s a very interesting concept although the very poetic language, while very pretty, often goes over my head and I had to read some sentence many times.

2: Dangerous Remedy By Kat Dunn - I read a bit of this last year but haven’t got far. Seemed like it might be fun though.

3: The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri. I’ve heard that this book is somewhat similar to Priory of the Orange Tree, so that seems like good enough reason to give it a try.

4: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir - I’ve heard a lot of people talking about this one. I tried to listen to a chapter or two of the audio book awhile ago, but found it very difficult to follow. I want to try reading it and see if that’s easier.

5: Just to change things up, Merchants of Doubt By Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway - I don’t think I’ve ever read a nonfiction book in it’s entirety in my life so I’m dubious if I will read this one, but I feel I should start so let’s include it to be optimistic.

Tagging anyone who wants to do it :)

#tag games

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austennerdita2533 · 3 years

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Yes! I had heard about the spin off about their kids it’s on my tbr! Not sure when I’ll get around to it but I’ll get there eventually. But ooh their other series sounds interesting too I’ll put it on my tbr too!! But that’s exactly why I loved Coballoway too (plus I’m also similar to Rose so their love story felt more personal that way)

Yay!! I’m glad the atlas six interested you, I hope you like it when you get to it I’m really loving it so far! I can already tell there is at least one ship I’m going to love it just hits all of my favorite tropes/things I enjoy. But the magic system is so cool and they are all so powerful.

Also glad you want to know about my reading too! I will keep you updated I have some books/series I really want to read but I try to be good and not read more than 2/3 at a time (and not buy anymore till I’m finished). Right now I’m also working through the throne of glass series which might take me awhile but I’m enjoying that too! Right now the books up next on my list are: Ugly Love, The Ravenhood Series, The Hating Game, Zodiac Academy, and Twisted Games (it’s the second book in a series that come out this month I loved Twisted Love by Ana Huang-highly recommend it if you love grumpy/sunshine and brother’s best friend tropes plus the twists were amazing-this one is a different couple but I’m excited!!)

Also! Don’t think I mentioned it yet maybe I did but I also read the Folk Air Series that you recommended! It took me a little while to get into but I ended up really loving it and Jurdan. I loved loved loved Jude and how power hungry she was and how Cardan was just obsessed with her. Their relationship build up was so good too.

All the best!!

-ACOTAR Anon

I keep meaning to get around to the Like Us series myself but I haven't managed it yet. It's been sitting on my tbr (and my Kindle) for a good couple of years now. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I know I'll read it eventually...but when eventually will be is anybody's guess.

(This is a good commentary on my reading life in general, I think. It's impossible to keep up with everything!)

The Atlas Six is pretty fascinating so far! I'm only about 25% into it but the magical world building is unique and I like how the narrative switches between the different POV's. Usually I don't care for more than 3 or 4 alternating perspectives in books because it makes it harder for me to invest in the characters, since I don't have as much time with them, but it works exceedingly well in this one. Helps to preserve the mystery of Atlas early on. And also allows readers to see how different all of the characters are in magical skill, background, personality, etc. I can't wait to see what unfolds!

I'm also currently reading Anxious People by Frederik Backman. I don't know if you've read anything by him before but he's such a good storyteller. Grabs you by the hearstrings. He's funny as hell, too. I've loved everything I've picked up from him so far. He has a knack for crafting beautifully flawed relatable complex characters. And this book is no exception. It might end up being a 5-star read for me, which is rare.

The next books on your to-read list sound fantastic, btw! Some I have read already or have them snuggled on one of my many wishlists. Like the Zodiac Academy and the Ravenhood series. And The Hating Game is one of my contemporary romance obsessions. It's just so enemies-to-lovers charged and fun. That book is packed full of a bunch tropes I adore. I've already read it twice and will likely revisit it again in the future. Thanks for mentioning Ugly Love (I need to get off my butt and read Colleen Hoover) and Twisted Love because those are definitely right up my alley. Grumpy/sunshine is one of my favorite romance tropes. I live for it!

And yayyy! I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed The Folk of the Air! It does take a bit to settle into the world of that story, as well as to become engrossed in the characters, but once you do, it's full speed ahead. Jude is such a badass. I love that she's ambitious to the point she's willing to take people out/down to get what she wants. Her fraught relationship with Madoc is fascinating to me as well. And Jurdan is just such a delicious ship. I love it so much. It's true enemies-to-lovers excellence. They have so many quotable lines!

I'm excited because Holly Black has a new adult fantasy series coming out next year, in 2022. It's called Book of Night and the premise sounds cool as hell. I've already been stalking NetGalley in the hopes that I have a chance at first dibs on an ARC lolol.

Also, if you can find self-restraint enough not to buy any more books until you've read most of the ones you have then I salute you! I try oh, so hard to enact this rule upon myself...but it never works. Like ever. 😂

It's my own fault, really. I get daily emails/alerts from Kindle, BookBubs, etc. letting me know about titles that are on sale for less than $5, and when they're that cheap, I can't seem to justify NOT buying a whole hoard of them even though I know they're more than likely to remain unread for a long, loooong time to come. Better than paying full price, though. Right?

If you haven't email subscribed to any of these sites, and you're looking to save some cash on audio or e-books specifically, you should. I'd spend a whole ass fortune on books if I didn't use them. (I check out a lot of books from the library, too.) I dropped the links to some of the ones I use in case you or anyone else who reads this is interested and doesn't know about them:

Book Bubs (you can set preferences/alerts based on your favorite books, genres, authors; you can rate stuff and curate your own wishlist too)

Early Bird Books (I use this one a lot to find classics that are on sale/free)

Book Riot (this site has a lot of book sweepstakes you can enter for a chance to win gift cards to Barnes & Noble, Book Depository etc.)

Kindle Book Deals (there are tons of deals offered daily, weekly monthly; I'm not a Kindle Unlimited member but there's that option, too)

NewInBooks (new releases; has links for Kindle, Apple, Audio, and hardcover)

Anyway take care, sweets, and happy reading! 💜

#anonymous #darling acotar anon #replies #the loveliest of lovely people #ashlee bree talks books

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astrologista · 4 years

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jason stop dying

ooooook i just watched ditf. it was PRETTY GOOD.... i only wish there was MOOORE! watching this REALLY brought me back to 2011 times to see it and i think they did a good job with most of the character design and animations insofar as matching it to the original. (maybe i’m totally wrong but i thought it looked good for the most part... also i just really love these character designs in particular). obviously the budget is not what it would be on a feature, so there are a LOT of places where animation gets recycled and many still frames. some parts are basically a slideshow lol. but i only sort of came to that realization awhile after watching, so i think they did a fairly good job of masking this... ymmv

so let’s get into it!!!

SPOILERS a-head! do not read until you’ve watched it because i’ll spoil everything

now obviously the thing to be aware of if you are not is the fact that this adaptation is not a panel-by-panel adaptation of the original death in the family comic. all references to jason’s mother (save one mention of her dying of illness) are completely removed, they go to bosnia instead of africa, and the circumstances around jason leaving are also heavily altered to fit the new narrative. this adaptation does slot perfectly into the universe established by the under the red hood animated movie from 2011 though, without which one would be pretty confused when watching this. it’s kind of a mystery as to why they didn’t just package this with utrh and release the entire thing as a collectors edition. instead they package it with like 4 or 5 unrelated dc showcase shorts which makes absolutely 0 sense but go off i guess. anyway

i liked that they took the time to adapt the scene from the original ditf where bruce is talking to alfred about jason! (i do not like that alfred didn’t get any lines. bad choice). tbh i can’t understand why they bothered showing us alfred, barbara and dick if they weren’t gonna give them any lines..... like come on........??

HOW INTENSE BRUCE LOOKS WHEN HE FINDS JASON IN SARAJEVO and just. grabs him lol. hes smad :)

ok so one two skip a few and we get to the first branch. instead of calling 1-900 we now get to choose whether jason lives or dies. there are 7 possible endings i think i got em all so let’s see what we got here.

“Hush” Route - Robin cheats death

hgrgdggr. i definitely think this is one of the more interesting endings, if not the most interesting one. this is also the only ending in which both bruce and jason survive the bombing. bruce is still too late, but this time jason barely clings to life and survives. as a hurt/comfort fan i was 100% on this shit from the word go but then jason? runs away from home lmao lmao i thought that was SO funny because 1) hes super messed up, how is he able to just literally run out the house that is SO funny to me and 2) implying that bruce would ever not be keeping an eye on him after that is just, lmao. it’s so zany. i call this the “hush” route because of the bandages but there are no other references to hush so ok. that’s fair. so anyway jason is now angsty for loosely explained reasons but the most fun part is yet to come.

when talia showed up, i really thought / was terrified for a second that they were gonna bring up certain “events” regarding damian’s parentage / who damian’s father is but then she mentioned bruce and i was like OH THANK GOD WE CAN STILL GO TO HEAVEN. i am so so grateful to the writers for NOT going there. cuz it was damn close ok. im not sure what the implication of this route is in terms of talia, jason and damian being a family unit but i want to believe talia sees jason as a son and damian’s brother (which is how she refers to him, damian’s brother) and not... yknow. i mean. jason raising a baby is kind of like a baby raising a baby...

no actually the reality of this scene is really dfuckin interesting like. they actually go with the “birth of the demon” (forget if it was birth of the demon or bride of the demon. one of those.) explanation for damian and that is something i’ve NEVER seen adapted so whoever wrote this can have a cookie and i kNOW this is something a certain someone will appreciate :)

not only that but the implications? are interesting? so talia’s claim is she miscarried so bruce won’t have to “choose” between damian and jason and idk if she’s supposed to be all on the-up-and-up in this universe but. i’m sitting here like GIRL YOU DON’T GOTTA DO THIS HE HAS A PRIVATE JET HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF SHARED CUSTODY and BETTER YET HE HAS A MANSION JUST GO ON MAURY AND GET THIS SORTED OUT RIGHT NOWwwww

i’m also LAUGHING at the implications of jason thinking theres anywhere on earth that he’s going to go and hide damian’s existence from bruce. because you already know he’s just going to be tearing the planet apart looking for jason so this is actually hilarious. imagine he finds jason in one piece and also a baby. his baby. he’d be like (@ talia) “OMG WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULDN’T WANT THEM BOTH u are tearing me apart talia......” BUT THEN HE WOULD BE SO FREAKING HAPPY BECAUSE HE HAS TWO ALIVE SONS AND HE THOUGHT THEY WERE BOTH DEAD / (lost to crime)!!!

please lord imagine all of jason’s angst probably just originating from the fact that he has a brain injury that hasn’t fully healed and the trauma of going through all those surgeries probably gave him a lot of fear / paranoia about bruce and associating him with the joker because his neural pathways are all messed up but after he leaves he starts slowly healing back and regaining some of his lost sanity and thats when he realizes he misses bruce so much... but hes also raising his child... and every day it gets more difficult for him not to just take damian and bring him home and i ;v;

anyway i thought this route, while it had a few inconsistencies in it, was really freaking interesting and it gave me feels and plot bunnies and is probably the one i want to write about the MOST despite the fact that baby damian looks like a character from one of those web flash games in this lol

“True” End - Jason Dies

now if you select that jason dies the route basically defaults to the canon of under the red hood and the fact that utrh does not come packaged with this movie is a rather mystifying choice to me as i don’t think this adaptation would stand on its own very well. like you need quite a bit of background to really get anything out of watching this on its own, which is probably why it’s classified as a “short” and not as its own movie.

instead of showing all of utrh, it seems they took the opportunity to give a ~30 minute recap of utrh with basically entirely reused animation but they allow bruce to sort of. give his dvd commentary over it.

the biggest feeling i have on this is that it’s sad that they had to waste 30 minutes like this that could’ve been used to do something new and much more interesting, but honestly i’m not mad. it seems kind of obvious that this choice was probably made for budget and/or runtime reasons because a short does not get the same budget set aside as a full length feature film does. so they basically took the option of recycling 30 minutes of animation from the movie and dubbing new audio over it.

in evangelion they ran out of budget and that’s why the last two episodes consist of nothing more than still pencil drawings and frames while the characters engage in philosophical debates concerning the nature of reality and human connection. and i really enjoyed that. and for the same reasons, i also really enjoyed this.

i enjoyed seeing the clark kent of this universe. i enjoyed that he was basically out on a date with bruce. i enjoyed that bruce was willing to open up for once and tell clark all of what happened with jason. but what really makes this segment shine bright are bruce greenwood’s line reads. there are SO MANY good line reads in here. and i LOVED how many times he said the word “son”. very wholesome. the way he describes how he felt during the final fight with jason? probs my favorite FUCKING part.

and then him and clark joking together about contingency plans and then they’re going to work together to find jason and i ;_; this is probably the closest thing to a “good” ending but as a continuation of utrh i thought it worked really well. i really want to believe that bruce and clark did find jason in this route and that there was some closure in the end even though we didn’t get to see it.

including clark in this was DEFINITELY the right move as well, considering that he played a rather large role in the original ditf so it’s a welcome nod.

The rest of the branches exist under a separate option where Bruce makes it in time to save Jason from the warehouse... but Bruce dies......... :O

let me tell you bout it... bruce’s fucking DEATH SCENE i don’t know WHAT my man bruce greenwood is on, but the freaking LINE READS in this dialogue had me making INHUMAN NOISES. LIKE NOT ONLY WAS THE DIALOGUE GOOD, NOT ONLY DID HE SAY “I LOVE YOU, SON”, but this man is just an amazing actor. not just voice actor, but actor. he really really really really gave it the most i don’t know how else to say it....... it was very very well done and punched me sideways in the heart and i haven’t recovered and i’m not going to recover. and

ok so once we get past that.... scene.... u have to choose whether you’re going to catch the joker or kill the joker. bruce asks jason to promise not to kill the joker but technically jason doesn’t promise so........

Let’s start by choosing to kill the Joker. Jason attends Bruce’s funeral and various members of the Justice League show up to talk with him and just generally hang out. He has Alfred, Dick and Barbara as his support system, but Jason has some other plans.

This leads to a scene in a cafe where Jason meets with a man who... something something Killing Joke, flashlight, more Barbara being used as a plot device when she deserves better, Jason kills the Joker with a butter knife.

Once you do this you can choose to surrender to the police, or retaliate and escape.

Jailbird Ending

basically if you surrender to the police jason ends up in prison where he can actually attack even more criminals so.... ya

If you retaliate and escape instead you go to the Red Robin route where Jason becomes a vigilante who kills people much like the Red Hood and you get a further choice in a fight with Two Face where you can control how Harvey’s coin lands.

Tim Ending!

If you choose the coin to land clean face up, the thing rewards you by having Tim show up and I forgot what happened (wasn’t really paying attention lol) because i was so focused on TIM!

Prolly they felt sorry for him what with Jason stealing what is essentially his outfit (ok I know it was Jason’s first, but Tim made it cool) so they let a little baby tim have an appearance :) he’s very smol

I guess in this ending Jason gets reintegrated with the family somehow and Tim becomes “Bat-kid” which is hilarious to me but you know what it’s cute. CUTE.

The one ending where the coin lands scarred side up

i honestly forget what happens if you choose to have the coin land scarred side up but let me just say this is a FUCKED route to take, not only have you had jason survive and bruce die, you’ve now chosen to kill the joker against bruce’s dying wish, you’ve chosen to attack the police, and at the end of that you really are gonna choose harvey’s coin to be scarred face up???? choosing this made me feel like a DICK because here i am supporting jason’s whole fall to madness and villainy thing the way it wants me to and now he’s gonna die HERE? i hate it here.

interestingly enough he doesn’t actually die in this route. he ends up at home with barbara and dick while dealing with the fact that he killed the joker but the route ends with jason saying “i promise” so i guess this is supposed to be kinda sad. im so confused lol ok

So that is all the options if you choose to kill the joker, I believe. You can also make the choice to just catch him instead of killing him but amazingly enough, those routes are even more FUCKED up.

If you do this option Jason goes home, mourns Bruce with Dick, Barbara and Alfred, and becomes Red Hood BUT with a twist, he’s entirely on a bloodless operation in line with Bruce’s wishes. OR.... IS HE?

Things then follow the events of UTRH until the scene on the bridge with the van and the guys. Jason finally confronts Joker, who reveals the truth.

Apparently in this route Jason has actually been killing and decapitating his victims just like in the original movie, but he’s repressed it so as to not even realize to himself that he’s doing it.

that is FUCKED. also. i wanna cry because jason doing all of that stuff but not even realizing it ;------; jason blocking it out, because he wanted to honor bruce’s wishes for him not to kill anyone ;______; but he’s doing it anyway ;_____; he’s actually hearing voices telling him to kill ;____; like it’s a very cheap twist in a sense and also really quite cruel but.... damn, son.

There is a branch here where you can choose to spare or kill the Joker at this point (UNDERTALE???) but from what I can tell it seems to be totally meaningless what choice you pick because you end up at the exact same point either way, I think there’s a small variation in what happens after you make the choice but after that they just coalesce back together into the following two endings. Which seems incredibly cheap to me, I mean making a choice like that should alter Jason’s path completely but, it doesn’t! So... ooook....

Either way Jason ends up on the Wayne building and Talia shows up with a re-animated Bruce from the pit. Here’s another fun blast from the 2011 past with more gratuitous Grant Morrison dreck, remember that shit? Well, they’re gonna jam it down your throat here, too.

The reanimated Bruce is the Zur En Arrh Bruce and he’s already dead so this is all meaningless but basically Jason fights him and you get to choose whether everybody lives or dies.

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Lives!

if you pick this, jason actually gets the re-animated bruce back to the batcave and they lock him up down there because he’s still pit-mad and the prognosis is not great. but i’m not sure what they expected, he is the zur-en-arrh guy so I don’t think he’s getting better.

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Dies!

pretty much there’s an explosion and all three of them die and that’s it

I think that should be all the possible endings there are.

By the way the different ways in which black mask dies in this was actually a fairly clever running gag lollll. let that mf burn we don’t need no water.

overall there are a couple of things i would have done to SIGNIFICANTLY improve this adaptation beyond some of the obvious ones.

- the fact that all of the branching options are branched exclusively under the “jason lives and bruce dies” branch is a huge wasted opportunity. imo this is the most egregious problem with this, i was really looking for a more balanced tree / explanation of different things. i am probably super biased though being a fic writer and used to fic, we’re the ones making huge ass trees every day lol.

- the fact that there is no “good” ending here is something i kind of expected but given the context of this is lackluster. i sort of get it though because granted, the original ditf ends in an unresolved manner but it’s distinctly unsatisfying here. i secretly wanted an ending where bruce, like, figures out about the different endings and hacks reality to try to find a good ending where jason lives and everything is fine lmao. like a bat mite ending.

- i was disappointed in a sense that the narrative given in here is so basically simplistic? maybe i’ve been spoiled by games like 999 and undertale where shit gets messy and that’s not what this is supposed to be but when i play something with multiple endings in this day and age, at least play with the concept a little bit and connect some of the branches together narratively. use different devices. i was also hoping some of the choices would be a little bit meatier like you could choose to “forgive bruce” or something cool like that lol. but it looks like the majority of choices have to do with who lives or dies. and i felt like they couldve been a bit more creative with that ya know? being able to control harvey’s coin was a GREAT example of having some more fun with this.

- it is a huge missed opportunity not to have a “secret ending” on something like this. like where. the fuck. is my secret ending for completing everything. come on. and in a similar vein there should’ve been at least something in terms of bruce and jason interacting in a “true ending”. even if very brief. the closest thing to an ending this has is the “jason died” route and then the ending where he’s talking to clark which i feel like was a REALLY nice good optimistic ending as far as this goes, but it comes off as kind of disappointing i guess

there were SO many interesting nuggets locked into this thing though. i can’t deny it bugs me how many wasted opportunities there were with how they chose to structure things but i guess it’s the best you can do with limited runtime. i thought it was really well done though, makes an interesting companion piece to the original utrh, and is definitely something that i will be re-watching again soon!! overall i give it a 7/10 and some parts an 8/10+!

#a death in the family #death in the family #ditf #it was cool to see the different ideas they had to offer finally?#for what it was #it was kind of a collection of shorts and half spun ideas #plus i think about this shit like every day #so i cant help but be interested #someone come and talk to me about this #i really want to know #what ppl thought #spoilers #ditf spoilers #death in the family spoilers

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razorblade180 · 3 years

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So I finished Age of Calamity

[spoilers]

Thanks to the beauty of holiday time off I have logged in 40 plus hours into this game and just beaten it, so naturally I’m gonna talk about it a bit. I’ll save the spoiler stuff for a little later though.

The game

This game might be my favorite game of 2020, or at least top three. Not just because of the world, but because everything is over the top! So far I’ve done 131 missions and 90% has the consistent energy of “we are fucking under attack” and it’s almost overwhelming in the best way possible. It really felt like you were on a battlefield field. Your map is just a sea of red and it’s your job to clean it up. What kept me engaged in the fights was all of the character’s different uses runes. I found myself constantly ordering my teammates to face certain enemy types that match best with how they fight.

Originally, I really wanted to be fair and rotate between characters. That didn’t last long. Mipha and Link in my opinion don’t have a single bad move. The bias only got worse whenever the master sword is obtained. Before that, my Link had a spear most of the time but that sword is just handy. Especially with item drop rate and attack range on it. In the end, my strongest characters were Link 74, Mipha 70, Impa 60, and Zelda 60. It’s been awhile since I played the first hyrule warriors so I can’t remember if they had the level up system were you can pay for experience but or definitely came in handy. Combine that with how many guardians were in this game and I quickly found out I needed Link with a shield on a regular bases. I also learned I didn’t forget how to time a vase amount of blocks and dodges.

The amount of characters you get to play quickly became too massive for me to juggle, but they all had their own merits for the most part, though I did find a few of the gimmick characters a bit of a hassle. My opinion on who was viable was constantly changing as I unlocked more combos. Originally, wasn’t the biggest fan of Urbosa. That second and fifth combo modifier changed everything.

The real portion of the game that really kept me wanting to play more was not only the ability to order other people, but seeing them fight along side you. I’m a softie for things like this, but genuinely felt relieved or hyped whenever I was fighting something crazy and I can see Impa rushing over towards me while text from soldiers scream “Just keep pushing!!!!” The AI wasn’t dumb either! There’s plenty of moments that controllable and NPC characters will just go where they’re supposed to, or kill targeted enemies. I remember not wanting to switch over to Link because he had low health, so as I’m running over to him as Mipha to heal him, the madman kills the Lynel. Ran all the way over there to watch him flex. That combined with elemental reactions you can cause in a fight, and the entire spectacle just felt elevated. The feeling of fighting three Lynel’s at once becomes a little less scary when you have a lightning rod and puddles everywhere.

The only negative I found in a gameplay perspective is some of the resource gathering. Gaining the trophy notes for killing a type of enemy isn’t too much of a hassle, but I found getting the materials they drop to be a bit harder, even with increased drop rate statuses. Most of this I find irritating for two reasons. One, specialized enemies show up in relatively small groups in a majority of missions, so getting things from them could be a flop altogether. Number two, a fair amount of these missions take a decent chunk of time if you’re being thorough and killing as much as possible. So grinding is a pain. Fortunately most missions a majority of what you need . If the game wanted chu chu jelly, I knew one of the missions coming up had chu chu as an enemy. You could also keep track of what you needed with material sensor that told you when you had enough.

The story

I’ll be honest, I was upset with this game for a hot second. It was advertised as a prequel to BoTW and while sad, I was truly invested to playing the events that lead to the fall of the champions. What this game didn’t tell you is it’s like most LoZ games, on its own separate part of the timeline. This isn’t the story of they lost. It’s the story of how they win, thanks to the little adorable robot mascot that has the ability to not only show the future, but bring people from the future; the champion’s descendants. At first I was upset with this. Mainly because I’m a little tired of time travel plots and it felt really out of place here. However, time travel gave way more to this game than what I expected this game to have in the first place. It allowed at least six more playable characters that wouldn’t have been possible in the other timeline, and a wellspring of interactions through missions. Every time Mipha was with Sidon, I smiled. Having Urbosa being this super encouraging role model to Riju was so nice since BoTW had expressed just how much those two admired and missed those people. Revali was nice to Teba! They were vibing. Even the soldier commentary on the new champions were a treat. So I got over the time travel issue pretty quick. It made things sad as well when the new generation leaves because they’re going back to a time where they lost it all. There was no great union that took place across hyrule to fight Ganon and their beloved champions failed. I do appreciate that the diverge in the timeline really takes place on the day they’re supposed to die, moments before the final blow. It still lets the player see the definitive moment where good was supposed to lose.

The “new” villain is meh. I wouldn’t really say he stands out. His entire thing is thinking he’s gonna win because he doesn’t realize that he isn’t seeing hyrule’s future. He’s seeing another hyrule’s future. What comes out of his character is cool though because it gives a different, yet same finale boss. I wasn’t expecting to basically fight a giant Ganondorf. Honestly, you can kinda say you fought Demise. At least aesthetically speaking. Or Yuga. This game has also made me care about robot. Something I haven’t done in awhile. A few scenes near the end felt hammy, but also amazingly realistic to how a lot of people would feel when someone breaks your favorite thing. The war was already personal, but now it’s really personal. Quests open up after the game that plays on those emotions too. It’s very clever.

Overall, Age of Calamities story felt like a love letter to everyone who loves this rendition of hyrule and the characters in it. They even another one named Sooga, who just might be my favorite. That man has no choice but to be the brain and muscle of the Yiga. It kinda makes me sad he’s introduced here because you can assume he didn’t make it in the other timeline, so he has no descendents. The amount of serotonin I felt just seeing all of these characters fighting together as the absolutely conquer the battlefield was more than satisfying. Definitely worth the money. I don’t know if they can, but Nintendo might wanna consider some sort of audio patch. The mixing is bad in certain parts. Voice lines get really quiet. Other than that, this game is real solid. I’d give it an 8.5/10

Side note

The music is really good. Especially the Zoe’s demain track. Also, I never noticed frame rate dropping or lag, except on two occasions. Both of these happened to be me pushing the game to its limits. The first is being surrounded by enemies in a small space as Mipha. Creating the water vortex and raining down bombs makes the game wanna cry a little. The second one is a similar case. Sidon’s fifth or sixth combo made the made the game drop frames because it’s incredibly fast, involves timing, makes a vortex, and i was in a small space with tons of enemies. Other than that, not even Urbosa’s or Riju’s lightning made the game freak out from what I noticed. That may have something to do with me never using them in a place where there’s constant rain. That might actually be the cause of the drop in combination of everything else.

#hyrule warriors age of calamity #age of calamity #legend of zelda breath of the wild #botw #nintendo #legend of zelda

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sp4c3k1ngjup1t3r · 3 years

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So I’ve had this drepessing Kirishima soulmate au on my mind for awhile.

Kiri! Soulmate AU: When (Y/N) was young, they were involved in a quirk accident that transported them to a dimension where everyone didn’t exist. Where they were just some characters on a T.V. screen. Now, him being young and not knowing them, was told to believe that they had died. One day when out patrolling, he met the same person who transported (Y/N). Not know what happened (villain knocked him out) Kirishima woke up in what the villain called “The Viewing Room.” The villain proceeded to tell Kirishima that his soulmate is still alive, but that the only way he can finally meet them is if he save them from committing su*cide, while not being able to interact with them physically. So Kirishima proceeded to try and try again and after 24 times, (Y/N) came across a Kirishima comfort audio, that made them not proceed to take their life. And the moment he reaches them, he find (Y/N) asleep, and when he wakes them up, he tell them what a good job they did and that he’s proud.

Tell me what you think about it

#my hero academia #kirisima x reader #kirishima eijirou #mha kirishima #mha #mha x reader #bnha #bnha kirishima #bnha fanfiction

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tartagilicious · 4 years

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when we die, where do we go? [gavin]

+ this fic is for an anon that wanted an angsty Gavin fic, and also @queenvking and their request of a halloween karma inspired imagine! They don’t really figure out what Gavin’s circumstances are, but his shift still plays a big part! In addition, it was inspired by this call, gained from the evolution of Gavin’s card ‘fierce battle’. And because i took so long to write this, it’s also a semi-christmas themed one too~

→ pairing | gavin x reader (mlqc)

→ genre |vampire!au, angst w/ happy ending (ish 😳), someone’s heart is broken the usual, the mc actually trying to put her emotions aside for once in her goddamn life

→ word count | 8294 (22 pages of blood sweat and tears with a 30 minute-average reading time lol)

→ song rec | talking to the moon by bruno mars

→ note | it’s your local gavin stan here again with some hearty angst 🤠 also, originally gavin was supposed to die and then come back as a vampire (ikevamp style), but then I changed it to a coma because i’m a baby. and to make it better I did absolutely zero editing because I’ve been writing this for 2 months and just didn’t want to look at this doc any longer!! so, I’m sorry if there are any mistakes or inconsistencies~

“What are you up to?”

Gavin’s voice comes through the speaker with pressed difficulty, but his words still send relief flooding through you. From the moment you pick up the call, it marks almost a week since you’ve said even a word to him. He had left quite suddenly then, after all, and only with a vague warning that he could possibly be gone for longer than usual.

“Gavin! You finally called! Is the mission over?” You can barely describe the emotions in your chest upon hearing your boyfriend’s voice again, your smile widening as you hear him chuckle on the other end.

“It’s over.” His laugh morphs into something greater frighteningly quickly, as if he’s sighing, or even groaning.

Your brows go taut as your smile begins to falters. “You sound kind of off…”

“It’s just because I’m coming off a mission.” There’s still at least a smile hiding in his voice, but it does little to ease your arising gut feeling. “I’m tired.”

“...Am I the first person you called?”

“It’s getting really late, you’re probably anxious. So I thought, I’d call you to-”

Gavin’s voice cuts off over the line with a sharp static noise that indicates a harsh cough. The reception is bad enough that the already unclear audio is painfully fuzzy, and the combined roadblocks have worry settling deep in your stomach before you can catch it.

You bite your lip. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

His gentle laugh is tired, but portrays all the emotions he can’t voice just yet. “I’m fine. Just a little tired. Really wanna sleep all of the sudden.”

“If you’re tired, tell me where you are and I can go there right away.” You say, your worries suddenly besting you before you can even think about the words that escape your mouth.

“No, dummy.” He laughs with a familiar adoration lining the gentle sound. “It’s classified, I can’t tell you where.”

Your expression twists slightly, worry settling firmly within your chest again. “..What are you going to do?”

“My partner is close. Relax. So just, talk with me awhile. I wanna hear your voice.”

“O-ok,” Your voice falters slightly, and you try your best to cover it with a cough. “What do you want to talk about?”

The line goes quiet for a few moments, but the stillness carries a silent meaning you aren’t yet sure that you want to decipher. There’s something you aren’t picking up, you’re sure, but you have nothing but the worry of a concerned girlfriend to back your thoughts up. You quickly tell yourself it’s only natural to be nervous for Gavin, so it’s completely possible you’re just imagining things after all.

“I was wondering, are you worried about me?” He asks, earning a small and very stupefied quirk of your brow.

“On a dangerous mission like this?” You whisper, sighing softly before continuing, “Of course.”

“You know…” He pauses, the faintest sound of a grunt filling the speaker before he continues. “Ah — forget it.”

“…Forget what? Why do you always stop halfway through? Don’t you know that worries me even more?”

A moment of silence ensures before he begins again, more hesitantly. You strain your ears trying to decipher if it’s for you or for himself, but begrudgingly give up when his voice returns to normal.

“This is the first time I actually… got afraid. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? When a bullet whizzed by my ear, all I could think of was... I haven’t returned your calls yet.”

Tears pool at your lash at your boyfriend’s confession. “Oh, Gavin…”

“Are you crying..? Don’t cry. I’ll be back soon.”

You wipe away your warm tears before they can fall, but they still peek through in your voice as you say, “I’ll be waiting. We’ve still got a lot of things to do together.”

“I’ll take you to the movies, or maybe even karaoke.” He pushes out a strained snicker, admitting more of his condition than he has since you picked up the call. “I bet you’re dying to find out how tone deaf I am.”

You laugh along through your tears. “Nonsense! You’re obviously a good singer!”

Gavin is silent yet again for a few painstaking moments before he begins to whisper, his voice cracking slightly under change as he says your name. “___, I might not say it often, but I just want you to know that you matter so much to me. I’m so glad to have met you again. ``I love you.”

Looking back on that call, you don’t know why you refused to believe what you already knew was true. Maybe if you had, things would have gone differently. But even in the end, it seems that he was only trying to keep you from worrying, granted that this time, it may have almost cost him his life in return.

Gavin goes quiet a mere few minutes later, his phone slipping straight out of his hands to hit the ground hard. And yet, even as you already know what’s probably become of him by then, you still can’t bring yourself to hang up. His shallow breaths have almost completely ceased, and there’s barely an intelligible sound coming from the other side of the line save for the quiet echo of the blowing wind.

You let out a shaky breath as you continue to strain your ear for even the littlest signs of life, but can’t even find relief in his slight breath in and out.

He’s close to death and it kills you that you can’t do anything about it.

You soon hear footsteps rushing over on his side, and quite suddenly, you’re put to the ear of Gavin’s partner and good friend, Eli. You’d only met him briefly before, having barely managed to share even a single conversation back then because of your business with the STF. And because Gavin has never particularly been one to put you in any unnecessary danger, that was the last time you talked to him.

It’s depressing that your second meeting has to be in such gruesome circumstances.

“Sir, it’s still on.”

A voice you don’t recognise says these words faintly, and after a few seconds of radio silence, they wordlessly pick Gavin’s phone up and hand it over to Eli.

Eli mumbles briefly and unidentifiably before putting his mouth to the phone’s speaker

“___. I probably shouldn’t have expected anyone else but you to be the person he’d call in a time like this.”

You appreciate his attempt to lighten the atmosphere, but that’s far from what you need right now. You just go quiet in response, trying your best to gather yourself before speaking. “...Is this Eli?”

“It is.” You hear him swallow tighty as shuffling presumes in the background. “I’m so sorry, ___.”

Nothing but meaningless background noises fill the room, and your attention mixes with it. You can’t help but zone out of Eli’s consoling words and rather go to focus intently on keeping your sporadic heartbeat still.

“Please help him, Eli. He’s still alive, I know --”

“Ok.” He interrupts, inferably for your sake as words freeze in your throat. “I’ll try my best, ___.”

Your breathing is laboured and tears are streaming down your cheeks, but you don’t dare to try and stop them altogether. There’s only one thing — one person — that could manage to make you feel better right now, and that’s hardly yourself.

But for the time being, it’s impossible.

Gavin’s unit almost immediately decides to bring him into intensive care for fear of the possibility of his evol losing control under his fragile state of comatose. It’s rare for such things to occur in those stages, but everyone is in a silent agreement that it isn’t necessarily wrong to take precautions; especially since Gavin isn’t exactly typical. After all, his long years of being an evol agent have made his powers finely developed and too powerful to run freely when he’s in no place to control them.

You’re allowed to see him again around a week later.

You’d been given no specific date for the event upon your chat with Eli that day, but the time still comes faster than you thought it would. The organisation is a complicated web that you still don’t completely understand, so for all you know, those complications could have very well taken much longer.

Eli is the first to greet you when you go to the STF that day, and only silently leads you to the medical ward Gavin is being supervised in. There isn’t much for him to say, but it’s not like you necessarily have the capacity to ask about the details of your boyfriend’s death yet anyway.

“Be careful with him, okay? I know it’s a given, but we’re trying to make sure he’s stable before we make any other moves. So, just make sure not to touch the equipment.”

You give him your best smile in response. “Okay, I won’t. Thank you for everything.”

He nods, opting to give you some space as he retreats in the opposite direction. You aren’t sure that it would matter either way, though, as you stand there long after Eli had rounded the corner. It’s not like you can help your hesitation — your fear — but you still feel tense ignoring the very thing you’ve been pining after for days when it’s right in front of you.

You have no idea what to expect beyond that door.

Are his signs of stupor visible even after such a short amount of time? You hope to god that isn’t the case, praying that you’ll be able to look at your boyfriend again as someone who only looks as though they’re in a deeper sleep than usual.

But you’re afraid that you’ll open the door and find his body to be like the movies: pale, cold, and utterly lifeless without a shadow of a doubt. This the real world — your prayers certainly don’t have to be answered, and your fears won’t always be catered to. That’s what scares you the most.

And the very moment you finally gather enough courage to grip the door handle with your clammy palms and push it open, you know the world is too unforgiving.

The steady beeping from the heart monitor is barely noticeable over the heavy silence of the room, only a select few devices working actively to keep your lover alive. He is indefinitely stuck in a place of stagnicity, but there’s not even so much as an audible sound from the unit to tell you so. There’s only a slight buzz from the machinery aiding him, because sadly, there is so little left of Gavin to aid.

Your footsteps are heavy and rushed as you make your way over to him, but you still hesitate to touch him for a few fleeting moments. His skin is indeed frigid on the eye, yet it feels much colder to your warm touch.

Gripping his hand tightly as tears threaten to spill, you reach out to gingerly brush the bangs out of his eyes. You find that usually, due to the stress of his never-ending list of responsibilities, Gavin’s brows are usually slightly pinched. And yet, he looks uncharacteristically calm in the absence of consciousness.

You sweep a thumb lightly over his brow, swallowing harshly as you breathe back hot tears.

Gavin’s lying in front of you once again, yet, you still felt helpless. That didn’t change — it never had.

He’s alive in your memory, taking leaps and bounds into the past that only pushes the despair deeper into your stomach. You touch over every aspect of him in your head: every time he protected you, every time he sacrificed something for you, every time he kissed you—

It takes a lot to shake away the memories as your tears finally begin to spill.

You would do anything to rewind time. Anything to see him smile again, anything to have him next to you, alive and well again. Because that night he had called you, he was right: there really was so much you hadn’t experienced together.

Your eyes flit up to his face again, and you bite your quivering lip hard. The sobs that leave you aren’t languid nor graceful, and rather show the depth of your grief much better than any action does.

The reality of the situation is harsh, and unlike the movies, it doesn’t help you grow; it’s not a moment of staggering realisation. Instead, it’s despair clawing at your chest like a caged animal, and your headache blooming into a thorny flower that can hardly be called touching.

“Gavin,” You whisper this gently, your hand falling down to his cheek to tenderly brush your fingers over his cold skin. Placing a final kiss on your forehead with blurry eyes, you whisper to him.

“I love you.”

When we die, where do we go?

It’s certainly an abstract thought, one you’re not even quite sure you want to delve into, but continue to anyway upon the striking memory of Gavin’s cold skin under your fingertips. Though there’s hope for him to wake, of course, the awful possibility of death still looms over your head as a constant grim reminder.

Some describe the place after death as a paradise, where you’re gifted a golden halo and luxuries on the condition you lived an innocent life. While on the complete opposite side, it’s depicted as an inhumane switch over to a ghastly figure: ghosts, demons, put it how you will, all are perceived the same.

But you don’t want to think about what you believe, because to you, there’s no reason to.

Months go by where your angel is still absent, stuck in the dreadful place beyond life and yet still below complete death. His indefinite state of stagnicity continues to keep him well under surveillance at that time by not only the STF but also yourself -- all in hopes of a miracle bringing him back to you all.

His evol aiding him, his body finally healing, even a deity in the sky deciding that they’d made the wrong choice in taking him away: every single possibility is counted by you. And foolishly, it gives you hope.

To lean on the power of prayer alone is half witted and you’ve been made aware of that many times, but sadly, it’s the only chance you have, so you won’t let it slip through your fingers for small reasons like that.

You’ve been through so much with Gavin — from the time you’d reconnected to the last day you’d talked to him, you would take little of it back. He’s your partner partner in life that you feel proud to stand beside, and maybe it’s selfish, but you wish for his return more than anything else in the world.

Only, you know that you’ll have to prepare for the inevitable fate of the world turning a blind eye to your wishes once again.

It’s hard to continue on when such a huge piece of your life is suddenly missing, and in those months, you find yourself struggling more than you thought possible. But you’re grateful for the people that have chosen to stay by your side throughout the hard times, even if someone in particular was largely unprecedented.

But Victor’s help still means a lot to you.

In a way, he doesn’t change much from his usual self. He softens under your difficulties still, but continues to be his usual demanding and headstrong self for as long as it’s good for him. Yet Victor’s normally irritating traits are still surprisingly easy to repurpose to get you back on your feet, and they effectively act as a healthy buffer between you and reality for as long as he’ll allow it.

And with his help, you find yourself slowly clawing your way out of the hole you’ve been buried in for months. Slowly but surely, every hand he offers you eases you out of your pain with more success each time.

Winter rolls around and you’re feeling the best you have in a long time. Granted, it’s not amazing, but it’s still progress. You’re noticeably healthier, looser, even — and yet you still can’t help but hide the sadness and regret you feel. Because no matter what, you know that the one who’s given you so much will never live up to the person you’ve lost.

The upcoming holiday season is only another reminder of that, your nerves spiking at the thought of your first Christmas without Gavin. Though Victor is there to help, of course, you’re afraid that you’ll end up taking the change too hard.

After all, your hope for Gavin to wake is just as bright as the day you had shared that short call with him, but even more so now upon the timing. Because along with the season, it’s also been almost an entire year since then. Your longing for your boyfriend’s healing is stronger than ever as a result, and even beside others, you find yourself to be as lonely as can be without him.

Being healthier, being happier on the outside, all of it only hides what you can’t help but feel on the inside. The depressing situation leaves a bitter taste on your tongue that only grows with each passing day — and your grief turns into a monster you find yourself battling every single day.

Truly, you continue to believe that you’re at your limit every single day.

But then something changes. Something in the heavens, something in the deity that you’d pictured giving Gavin everything he wanted in the afterlife, something in fate. And slowly, the course of life starts to change, too.

The days have always tended to go by faster when you’re afraid of something. You’ve known that for a long time after being nervous for school presentations, job interviews, and even plain-old events throughout the years. But you think that nothing you’ve ever been through compares to now, when Christmas is suddenly only a few days away and there’s not even a single word from Eli on Gavin’s condition changing.

The sight of festivities is enough to make you nauseous with so much as even a glance. Yet still, that doesn’t stop your oh-so gracious caregiver from decorating his house on his own, stringing every light and hanging every ornament by his hands alone.

Tapping your fingers on the mahogany of Victor’s dining table one night he invites you over, you’re quickly broken out of your thoughts by a loud sigh.

“You know, you’re going to wear a hole in the table if you keep doing that, and it’s coming right out of your paycheck.”

Maybe you would have normally laughed, but his joke only harmlessly bounces off of you as you retract your hand and let it fall to your lap. “Oh. Sorry.”

SIlence ensues before Victor sighs again.

“...Is there something wrong, ___?”

His voice is a gentler one, the same he’d used when he’d found you trying to piece a glass back together with bloody hands all that time ago. It’s the voice that once gave you comfort, but now only offers guilt.

Your eyes shoot over to where he’s sitting on the couch across the room, slowly taking in the way he’s shut his laptop and now directs his full attention to you.

“It’s almost Christmas.” You say vaguely, forcing a smile as Victor’s brows go slightly taut. Thankfully, you don’t have to explain any more than that.

“I’m sorry, ___. It’ll be hard, but I know you can get through it.”

“Maybe,” You pick up your head as your smile drops. “But that’s not what I want to hear anymore.”

Victor returns your gaze, and under that action, you helplessly avert your eyes. Even with his limitless kindness over the past few months, you still can’t help the inexplicable wall between the two of you. Maybe it’s your own fault, or maybe it’s just a difference in viewpoints -- but whatever the case, your methods of fixation almost always seem to differ.

His voice goes uncharacteristically soft as he busies his hands with the computer sitting in his lap. “I’m sorry that I can’t help you as much. If there’s anything else I can do—“

He trails off when you blink in response, your adam’s apple bobbing as you fold your arms on the table in front of you.

“No, whatever I do in this situation is up to me. I’m grateful for your help, but you have nothing to do with what happens to me.” You sigh. “I can’t rely on you forever.”

You can’t see his eyes, but in a fleeting moment you do, you swear that they almost beg for your opinion to differ. It’s a kind gesture, you think, yet it’s unfortunately not something that’s very realistic.

Victor doesn’t push it, just standing up and nonchalantly walking past you to the sink. He’s never been very persistent to you, and though that might’ve bothered you before, you’ve never been happier about his weird quirk than you have in that moment.

“Dummy,” he mumbles, his quiet words lost to you above the sound of the faucet running. You sit there in comfortable silence as he washes off his dish, and almost jerk in surprise when he starts speaking again a few minutes later.

“Celebrate Christmas with me this year.”

It’s blunt, and the wording doesn’t make it sound like an offer as much as it does a demand. But only because you’ve come to know Victor, you know his words are as genuine as they come.

“...I couldn’t impose on something like that.” You shake your head.

“You wouldn’t be imposing on anything,” He says, reaching casually for the towel next to him as he dries his plate off. “I have a function to go to that day, and though I was originally going to go alone, I thought it sounded like something you might like.”

You process his words for a few moments. He thought it sounded like something I’d like? Is Victor not feeling well?

“Are you sure…?”

“If I wasn’t sure, would I have asked?”

Ah, there he is.

The days after that seem to tick down faster and faster until before you know it, you’re waking up alone in bed on Christmas morning with an entirely new sensation running through your chest. As you force your eyes open to meet the forenoon sun, the change in atmosphere the occasion has warranted suddenly makes you hyper-aware of the empty space next to you.

Sorry Victor, you think tiredly, but now begins the start of what will probably be the most awful day ever.

You drag yourself out of bed after a few minutes and walk through your sparsely decorated apartment to the kitchen in favour of caffeine over anything else. But unfortunately, even when partaking in such a mundane action, Gavin manages to be everywhere. The hand you reach blindly into the cabinet comes out with a pretty cerulean mug -- only one of the many things he had gifted you last christmas.

The mug almost seems to mock you in your hand, but you mentally push it away and just put it beneath the coffee machine’s filter without another thought. You’ve gotten horridly good at ignoring your emotions over the period of time you’ve been left alone, and though you’re certain it’s not a good thing, at times it proves to be one of your greatest assets.

Because the more you can ignore the sinking feeling in your chest, the more you’re used to being without it.

You know undoubtedly that Christmas morning for most is a happy occasion -- children rush downstairs to a heartily decorated tree with their parents in wait, screams of delight from people of all ages when receiving a desired gift, and especially gatherings for family, friends, and lovers alike. But for the first time, Christmas means something horribly new to you.

Sipping your coffee and trying your best to ignore the scorching feeling of it, you sit on your couch and imagine yourself sinking back into the cushions. Maybe if you did, the day would pass by unnoticed. But then again, that would also mean that you would miss Victor’s invitation, and you were admittedly curious of the man’s vague offer.

Along with the upcoming holidays, a large part of your attention in the past weeks has been on what Victor said that night at his house. He had refused to tell you specifically what it was, only choosing to disclose that it seemed like something you would like and dismissing the conversation from there. It was a very characteristic thing of him to do -- and if you weren’t already up to your knees in his antics, maybe you would have dived a bit deeper into it.

You sigh out a breath of warm air at the thought, the coffee’s previously sweet aroma coming out half-baked. But the strange smell doesn’t even so much as vex you anymore as you cradle the warm mug between your knees, pulling your phone out of your pyjama pocket in hopes to distract yourself in the few hours you have until Victor comes around.

“You’ll be cold if you only wear that. Put on a hat or a scarf, if you have one.”

You shake your head and put on a smile as you shrug on your jacket later in the day. “No, I don’t need to. I’m used to the cold, don't worry.”

A small sound of discontent escapes Victor’s lips.

“You know, it doesn’t matter how used to it you think you are,” He says firmly, his hands instinctively going up to grip the lapels of his own coat. “You’re still going to be cold where we’re headed.”

You give him a suspicious look as you reach for a hat hanging on the hook by the door in your apartment, not breaking eye contact even as you pull it over your head as far as it can go.

When your eyes are momentarily covered, you swear you hear him chuckle.

“Is this good?” You ask.

“No, too much,” he mumbles, not caring to hide the laughter lining his voice as he reaches out and softly tugs it above your eyes.

The moment the soft fabric comes up into its rightful place, you’re met with Victor’s eyes awfully close to your own. And though you can’t fight the embarrassing heat that rushes to your cheeks, you just smile as if unaware of it.

“Fine, Mr I Know Everything, is that suitable for you?”

Something begins to shift in his eyes. but it’s barely for even a second, so you have a hard time catching it before it goes away again.

“You can let yourself think that,” he answers vaguely, a small smile curving on his lips as he turns back towards the door. “But we’ll know for sure later.”

You swallow back any thoughts daring to jump out and just nod, plastering on the same smile that you’ve been refining for months.

“I swear I won’t be cold! Now let’s go, we’ll be late if we don’t leave now.”

Going ahead of him to reopen your apartment’s door, you take a quick look behind you again and usher him forwards. Victor gives you a slightly scrutinising look, but well accustomed to it, you only stare back as he ignores you and goes past you.

Where you’re going -- the very place he’d so dutifully refused to tell you -- is a mystery to you up until the moment he gets started on the route.

“Wait, you’re taking me there?” You blurt out as soon as you put what you think are the pieces together, looking over at him from the passenger seat. Victor gives no response but the slight twitch of his lips, but that’s answer enough for you.

LFG is almost notorious for hosting elaborate Christmas parties each year: events that are raved about by the men and the women who attend, though still second only to the CEO’s judgment. You don’t know the specifics, but Victor has never particularly seemed to enjoy the holiday season, even when you tended to be more enthusiastic about it in the past.

But even if the yearly Christmas event had been one of your guesses when Victor originally mentioned his offer back then, it was still impossible to guess any further as the event tends to vary drastically per year. And since that’s still the best your guess can do, you opt to stare out the window and try to clear your head instead. Because right now, at least you’re in a suitable headspace to distract yourself from strong sense of loneliness that’s taken great care in hiding itself.

Gavin has been off your mind since this morning, but you know that the sensation will be short-lived. It always is.

Victor catches your attention again by turning the key in the ignition, effectively tearing you away from your thoughts as you go to look out the window. And you can’t help your jaw dropping at the sight in front of you.

This year, LFG has revamped the entire park to look like some kind of winter wonderland. Festive decorations make the scene merry, booths look like they’re filled to the brim with goods, and not to mention the main feature -- the beautiful frozen lake designated specifically for ice-skating. It’s wonderful, and for a few moments, an overwhelming sense of joy comes over you.

“Victor!” The pitch of your voice goes slightly higher when you turn around to look at him. “Your company did all this?”

Victor only stares at you for a few moments, as if not anticipating your reaction, and just chuckles.

“Of course, dummy. Who else would’ve?”

You ignore his snide comment and turn towards the window again, sighing slowly in relief as you take in the scenery yet again. You thought that having a good time today would be impossible, but now looking at everything from a different perspective, you think that maybe it’s your duty to have as much fun as you usually do -- if not for yourself, for Gavin.

“Are you ready or what?”

“Yes!”

On Victor’s cue, you get out of the car and walk ahead of him, peering inside booths and sizing everything up as you go. Just as you first predicted, the booths are overflowing with everything ranging from traditional ornaments to steaming baked goods, only, they seem to have everything in between in addition.

“You really prepared this well,” You say, phrasing it as a compliment as you lean slightly in front of a booth to pick up a small stuffed polar bear. “Everything is so nice.”

He’s quiet from behind you, but you can almost see his small content nod in your mind’s eye.

“Good. See anything you like? Consider it a present.”

You whip around at his offer, brow quirked.

“And it won’t come out of my wage this time?”

His mouth curls up, his expression almost sour. “What do you mean this time? You think I’d do that? Or in case you didn’t realise, it’s Christmas, ___.

“I know, I’m sorry!” You can’t help but laugh at his reaction. “It was only a joke.”

Victor grumbles about it but doesn’t look unhappy.

“But, Victor, I think I know what I want.” You say, gripping the little polar bear in your hands and turning around to him. His eyes don’t meet the stuffed toy right away, but when they do, he doesn’t look very surprised.

“Are you sure?” He asks. “It’s only been a few minutes.”

You nod, looking down into the toy’s familiarly amber eyes with a small smile twitching on your lips.

“I’m sure.”

You hand it over to Victor, but as the cashier notices him walking up, she freezes. Her face heats up as recognition flashes through her eyes, but he promptly ignores her and goes to reach into his coat pocket.

“Sir,” She sputters, shaking her head as a nervous laugh escapes her throat. “There’s no need for you to pay.”

He ignores her yet again, pulling out a leather-bound wallet.

“No matter who I am,” He begins, his voice dropping into a brusque tone. It’s oddly chilly compared to his voice only moments before, but why, you don’t know and don’t ask. “It’s irresponsible to assume I don’t have to pay.”

Her face gets redder as the presumably kind thing to do blows up in her face. And after she apologises, they continue the process in painful silence that’s hurtful to even you, someone who’s not inherently in the conversation.

“Thank you for the offer,” You say this from beside Victor, smiling in what you hope is reassurance. “It wasn’t wrong of you to do that, and I appreciate your thought a lot.”

The young woman seems grateful for your interruption, and nods before bowing her head slightly. But, you don’t catch the curious look in Victor’s eyes as she says, “Please have a good rest of your night.”

Victor leads you away from the booth in what would look like a normal saunter to any onlookers, but knowing him as you do, you see the things no one else does. It’s definitely not something you see from him often, but that only means that you have the sight of it deeper engraved in your memory:

Something has just surprised him.

“Victor?” You reach over and put a hand on his arm as you walk, quirking a brow when he looks over at you with a slightly conflicted gaze. “Are you okay?”

You both stop near the middle of the makeshift square, and seeing your expression clearly under the lights now, Victor only sighs.

“I’m fine.”

And that’s about all you get out of him, but you know not to push it any further.

Soon enough, his mood swings are the least of your concern anyway. Because as you go around with the bag over your arm for the rest of the night, you feel a sudden yet horrible sense of nostalgia washing over you. It’s the same issue every year during the holidays, good memories calling up deja vu that still lead forth fulfilling nights, but this year, it’s different.

Your nostalgia is a constant cycle instead of a straight feeling, wherein the twisting memories are replaced by sadness further on. But for what feels like the first time, that same melancholic feeling is being accompanied by an out of place rush of happiness.

And for the first time, genuinely, since you were told that Gavin might not wake, you feel happy.

You feel nothing but triumph as Victor is dumbfounded by your laugh, like the sound itself is foreign to him. You enjoy things that you couldn’t before because of pressing memories, and like that you’re able to see everything with a clearer gaze again. You don’t have such a foreboding force crushing down on you, and it feels amazing to live without as much grief, even if it might only be for one night.

But then, going later and later into the night and finally having to acknowledge that it’s all good as over -- well, that’s a different story. There’s the same kind of purpose in each step that you’d been gifted hours before, but they come with less strength now. They’re dull, almost as if because the night is coming to an end, the effects of everything are suddenly beginning to wear off, too.

It’s a shame, you think, because you really could get used to a feeling like that.

You and Victor are some of the only people left in the park when you look at your watch, but you don’t mind much. Actually, even if you have to be here alone, you’d probably still choose to stay a bit longer. Because, maybe it’s selfish, but you don’t want to be sad again.

Surprise jolts through you as a hand comes down to land on your shoulder, effectively breaking your thoughts,but you relax again when your eyes shoot up to meet Victor’s.

“Stay here for a minute. I have to discuss something with a park manager.”

Not able to find the words to respond, you just nod.

And soon enough, you’re alone just as you wished. It’s not exactly what you’d imagined, and if anything, you only feel desolate standing in what’s supposed to be such a happy place by yourself.

Quite fed up with all the twists and turns the emotions in your chest are doing in those moments, you stuff your frozen hands into your coat pocket with enough force to send a small shiver through you. But while doing so, you remember your phone, still remaining dutifully in the same pocket you’d put it in at the beginning of the day. The surface is fairly cold, having been off for so long, but you still feel some sort of silly peace when the screen flashes to tell you it’s powering on again anyway.

You lose that sense fairly quickly.

The phone screen turns on almost immediately, signified with a small vibrate at the palm of your hand. And when it does, you’re met with a sight you never thought you’d see. The lock-screen, which would normally be a cute picture you’d taken while in the mediterranean with Gavin, was now completely covered by a mass of missed calls and texts from Eli.

Your breath freezes in your throat as your eyes take in the contents of the screen, and for a moment, it seems like all of your senses are gone. You want to assume the best, you want to assume the worst -- but at the least, you want to assume that everything is okay. It’s only been a couple hours since everything was made, and you hold on tightly to the belief that whatever happened, Eli handled it.

With trembling fingers and an equally trembling heart, you call him back.

“___!”

He picks up on the first ring, and you feel horrible immediately thinking that you have to prepare yourself for the worst. You’ve only been conditioned to feel that way, after all, and it’s admittedly a hard habit to break.

“Is everything okay?” You ask, a little more frantically than you’d meant to. “My phone’s been off all day.”

Eli only sends a breathy laugh coming through the speaker, leaving your nerves to hang for a few more seconds before delivering the final blow.

“___, I’ve never believed in Christmas miracles, but he’s awake. Gavin’s really back for real this time.”

Your heart stops.

Turning the words over and over in your head, you can’t help but feel surprised when you come up without a single clear explanation. There’s an indescribable type of joy that clouds your thoughts, but even so, you still know bright as day -- your prayers, albeit late, have finally been answered.

“...Are you okay?”

You snap out of the haze you’re in to Eli’s curious voice over the speaker, and quickly apologise as you wipe the tears from your eyes.

“I’m fine.” You croak, sniffing as you try and wipe the embarrassed tint from your cheeks. “Thank you so much, Eli. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Able to hear the man’s bashfulness in his response, you find it hard to hold back a smile.

“Would it be okay for me to come and see him? I know there’s probably still complications--”

Eli interrupts you before you can so much as get the meat of your sentence out. “No, yes! Please do! The guy’s been asking about you since the moment he could form complete sentences!”

You pull your lips together in an attempt to stop the noise raising in your throat, although it doesn’t work very well. So, you just nod and nod silently in hopes that will convey your emotion enough, and then inevitably realise how much of an extreme sport it is to keep from crying when you really, really want to.

“___?”

Another voice calls your name from behind you, effectively startling you out of your thoughts. So, you quickly finish your conversation with Eli and try to at least make yourself presentable before turning around.

Once you do, you’re met with Victor, who stands there patiently with his arms crossed over his chest. But his calm expression melts into one of confusion once he glimpses at your face.

“Are you okay?” He quickly walks over to you as you curse yourself inside your head for not doing a better job of cleaning up. “Why are you crying?”

You stumble over your words, looking up at him with teary eyes and a wide smile you can’t seem to wipe off your face. “Victor--”

He puts a hand on your shoulder, still hesitating slightly after all these months.

“Yes?” He whispers quietly, prompting you on.

“He’s finally awake.” You laugh through tears, sniffing as you wipe your eyes. “Gavin’s finally awake.”

You feel as if he’s happy for you, but because of your hands obstructing your eyes, you don’t see the depressingly blank look on his face.

But, he thinks, maybe it’s better that she doesn’t.

“If he’s awake,” Victor hesitates again before taking his hand off your shoulder and stepping past you. “Then let’s go. I’ll bring you home so you can change and go wherever you need to.”

Nodding gratefully, you go after him and decide that you’re ready to face whatever comes your way from then on.

“Thank you so much, Victor. For everything” You offer a smile to him as you walk back to his car, but yet again, don’t notice the pain in eyes as he smiles back.

“Anything.”

Eli runs up to you the moment you set foot in the STF around an hour later. A healthy time, you think, but not nearly quick enough for your racing thoughts.

Things like ‘what if something happens before I can get there?’ or ‘what if he goes under again while I’m stuck in traffic?’ rush through your head, but luckily, Eli’s there to cajole you otherwise.

“How is he?”

You ask this tentatively as Eli punches in a passcode for the medical ward. He doesn’t so much as look up from what he’s doing, but you still see his eyes soften with your words.

“He’s fine, apart from the obvious.” Eli laughs at his own dry joke, and “It’s just strange, how he’s awake all of the sudden. I guess I’m not really supposed to be talking about it, but it’s only you.”

You try to push him along with your eyes, and catching your gaze, he does.

“When he woke up…” Eli trails off as his finger hovers in the air, as if just over the last needed number in the keypad. “His injuries were almost completely healed.”

Your brows knit. “What? Healed?”

Eli shakes his head as the door gives an affirmative beep and slides open.

“Yeah. It’s weird, isn’t it? He was still wrapped up in those awful bandages and hanging onto life support a few days ago, and now he’s awake with barely any side effects.”

You don’t know whether to be curious or concerned at the information.

“What side effects does he have, then?”

Assuming the worst, you can’t help but be surprised when Eli just shrugs, talking as he turns a corner. You follow in haste, but are stopped almost as quickly at the sight in front of you.

It’s not like you haven’t been in the medical ward before, but the sight of various officers unconscious makes you slightly sick to your stomach. Some are having their last days, some their worst -- it all stirs something in you. You can only be glad your boyfriend isn’t one of them.

“He’s a little drowsy, so we can’t get much more than that.” Eli gets your attention again, to where you realise that he stopped to wait for you. “But for right now, it’s only a matter of expecting the worst so nothing else happens.”

Quickly apologising, you pick up walking next to him again, where he calmly and understandingly resumes.

“Whether it has something to do with his evol or another thing entirely, at least he’s making progress.” He muses, his lips twisting slightly in thought.

You can only nod in silent agreement.

Something doesn’t sound right to you, but it wouldn’t do any good to point out what everyone already knows. Gavin is awake, and maybe Eli’s right: perhaps that’s all that should matter for now.

Eli stops before you even realise it, and in mere moments, you’re staring up at the door to the very room that months ago you never wanted to set foot in again. But noticing your repetitious reluctance, Eli vouches to say one last thing before walking off.

“He’s been really stressed out, asking if you were okay like that. Treat him well, ___.”

Your insides melt at his soft words, and with tears blooming, you nod and turn back to the door. You’re alone in the hall again, almost as if you had travelled back 8 months in time, but this time it’s different. You’re here to see your lover alive.

So, for a change, you push the door open without a second thought.

“Be careful when eating, it seems your teeth have shifted a bit more.” A nurse chastises Gavin while she replaces an IV. “We don’t want any long-term side effects.”

You try not to draw attention to yourself, but the natural human instinct for eyes to be drawn towards motion sells you out first.

Gavin is frozen where he sits, but the nurse standing above him only sends you a patient smile. She’s an older woman close to what looks like salt and pepper hair, with faint lines decorating her face to show years of passing emotions.

The nurse hums. “Miss ___? I was told to wait for someone.”

You can only nod, forcing your eyes away from Gavin to acknowledge the woman for even just a second.

She gives you a once-over and smiles again, as if silently sharing a secret with you. But, you’re not nearly paying enough attention to give it much thought. Still, you hope it’s in good graces as she whispers her wishes for you to have a good holiday when walking past you to the door.

“...Gavin?”

You can only force out his name as the door clicks shut behind you.

“___.”

He sounds breathless, almost yearning, and the sound of his voice alone brings lost tears crashing over your cheeks.

Gavin isn’t one to show many emotions unabashed, but in that moment, you swear he doesn’t hold anything back any longer. Unsaid words flood from his eyes just as easily as tears come from yours, and in a moment, you’re next to him again.

Touching him again is rejuvenating.

It feels silly to think, but you swear that you can feel everything falling back into place again when he wraps his arms around your waist. It’s as if his touch is somehow forcing bad memories away: the bad memories of crying yourself to sleep; the bad memories of missing him so badly that your chest would hurt; and the horrible sinking realisation that you might not ever see him breathing again -- it all pacifies when you felt his breath on your skin.

“Are you okay?” He asks this softly, his voice slightly muffled by your jacket. You can’t do anything but shake your head.

“Always worrying about me,” You try to click your tongue through your whispers, although the action is just sad. “Even until what I thought was the end. Worry about yourself first, would you?”

It should be a joke, but neither of you laugh. He only sighs into your chest in a silent apology as you pull him closer, and you try to find pride in the possibility that just maybe, you’re giving him the same feeling he’s giving you.

“What about you?” Your teary mumble is lost along with your fingers in the tendrils of his hair, but the words still manage to reach him perfectly anyway. “Eli told me that you’re quite the superhuman.”

He doesn’t answer you with words, only nodding in confirmation. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want to talk about it, but even if that is the case, you still understand. It’s likely that he knows just as much as everyone else does about his condition, but that doesn’t make it any less of a touchy subject.

“I hope everything is cleared up soon.” You say this softly in retraction. “It might be selfish, but I really, really want you to come back.”

“It’s not selfish,” You can feel his quiet laugh as he speaks, and it’s almost as if the heavy atmosphere from only a few seconds ago dissipated with his smile alone. “I missed you, a lot more than I should have been able to while I was like that.”

You finally pull back to look him in the eye, and he takes your hand in his with a such a swift motion that it shouldn’t even be possible for a man that was on the brink of death not even days ago.

But you don’t dwell on it. You don’t want to dwell on it. It might be strange, supernatural, even, but all that matters to you in that moment is that your lover is finally awake in your arms again.

And you hope with all your heart that it will stay that way.

#mr love queen's choice #mlqc #mlqc gavin #mr love gavin #mlqc x reader #mr love queen’s choice x reader #mr love fanfic #mlqc fanfic #mr love #mr love x reader #mlqc gavin x reader #mr love queen’s choice gavin #mlqc memes #incorrect mlqc #incorrect mlqc quotes #my writing #I already know this isn’t going to get many notes and that makes me sad 😔#but I like the end result anyway so I guess it doesn’t matter

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guinevere-beck-fanboy · 4 years

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Joe Goldberg Character Analysis

This is my character analysis of Joe Goldberg, the villain protagonist of the Netflix show You. I will tell it in order of chronological events of his lifetime:

1. Joe as a child

As a child Joe lives with his mother and his father. His father physically abuses his mother and seems to have extreme paranoia and jealousy issues.

Joe loves and cares strongly for his mother as shown by the fact that his father once tortured him to try and get him to spill some secrets of his mother and yet little Joe withstood the torture and didn’t spill. Also when Joe and his mother leave to live with his mum’s new boyfriend who ends up beating her up, Joe takes a gun and shoots his step father dead to save his mother.

We also see that being with his mother means the world to Joe as he gives us a big speech about her being his “home”. This naturally leads onto Joe hiding from social services when they come to take him away from his mother after she takes the fall for his step father’s death.

Joe ends up in the care of Mr Mooney, a book store owner, owns a book store named after him “Mooney’s”. Mr Mooney raises Joe to be the manager of Mooney’s when he grows up. He gives Joe duties in helping him run his shop and once when Joe failed them he locked him in a cage in the basement of the shop. After a while Mooney let Joe out and persuaded Joe that he had become better as a result of being in the cage and that Mooney locked him in there in the first place out of love.

2. Joe as an adult, prior to the pilot

Joe grows up and dates Candace Stone. He cherishes their relationship as seen by the fact that when she tries to leave him he kidnaps her and takes her on a picnic to try and reawaken her feelings for him.

Joe finds out that Candace cheated on him for a man named Elijah Thornton. Joe hunts down Elijah and finds him on the side of a rooftop. He confronts Elijah and states that he has read Candace’s phone and has seen Elijah push her around and be cruel to her.

Joe commits his second murder and pushses Elijah off the rooftop, to his death. Why did Joe do this? I can see three possibilities:

1. He was mad at Elijah for homewrecking his relationship with Candace

2. His claims about Elijah were true, he had pushed Candace around and was a jerk to her so Joe got mad

3. A combination of these two things

One thing is for sure: this murder shows us that Joe has extreme anger issues.

Joe actually is shown feeling extreme guilt for this murder. As soon as Elijah lands and dies Joe pulls a shocked and horrified expression. When he visits Mooney for help he looks haunted and with clear regret in his voice says “I killed him..”. Mooney tells Joe he thinks he was right to kill Elijah.

3. Joe and Beck

Next thing I’m going to analyse is Joe’s relationship with Beck.

Joe is deeply obsessed with being in a relationship with Beck. He stalks her and steals her phone and reads all her text conversations to keep track of her. When she discovers his creepy box he takes her captive to not lose her and get her to love him again.

Beck rejecting Joe really sets him off. That is what led to him murdering her. Beck broke up with him, so he choked her to death. What makes me say that, that was the motive? Well..

In season 2 when Forty quotes what Beck said when she was rejecting Joe to him (under the impression from the book Joe and Beck wrote that she said those things to Dr Nicky) Joe attempts to strangle Forty to death as a result of what he is saying, remembering how Beck said it to him.

Earlier in season 2 we saw Joe see a hallucination of Beck, with dark marks on her neck. Implying that he killed her via strangling.

Despite Joe’s horrific treatment of Beck I believe he does actually care about her. When he breaks into Dr Nicky’s office and hears her audio files reveal her saying she thinks she would be better off without him he decides to let her go. Despite desperately wanting to kill Dr Nicky he chooses not to as Beck told him she doesn’t think he is capable of murder.

Speaking about Joe’s near murder of Dr Nicky, I believe it is a parallel to Joe’s murder of Elijah.

Joe murdered Elijah after Candace cheated on Joe for him. Joe was going to murder Nicky after he found out Beck cheated on him for Nicky.

Also as Joe is contemplating murdering Nicky, he remembers what Mooney said to him after he informed Mooney he murdered Elijah (”some people deserve to die Joe”) and contrasts it with Beck’s “you’re not a killer Joe”.

To top it off I believe the Elijah and Nicky cheating storylines take place in the same episode.

The only difference is that Joe goes through with killing Elijah but doesn’t go through with killing Nicky. What is this contrast supposed to show? That Beck has a more moralising influence on Joe than Candace did? I’m not actually too sure.

4. Joe and Benji

Now onto Joe and Benji.

When Joe first begins his quest to meet and get together with Beck he discovers that Benji is her boyfriend and a horrible one. He is never around for Beck other than for sex and cheats on her. Despite this Beck stays with him.

Joe kidnaps Benji and locks him in the cage in the basement of Mooney’s. Why is this? I can see a few possibilities:

1. Like how Joe thinks Mooney locking him in the cage changed him for the better, he wants to make Benji a better person. Joe seems appawled at Benji’s mistreatment of Beck, so this is possible.

2. The obvious possibility: Joe just wanted Benji out the way so he could go out with Beck.

3. Joe wants to free Beck from Benji’s awfulness.

4. A combination of two or all three of these possibilities.

I personally think at least the *main* motive for the kidnapping is definetly number 2. Joe does loads of horrible stuff throughout the season that he says he is doing “for Beck”. Each one of these things however, are things that obviously will help Joe out in his quest to get and keep Beck. Another example of one of these acts is him killing Peach. Joe claims to be killing Peach because he wants to free Beck of Peach’s abuse, but Peach also gets in the way of Joe’s relationship with Beck. Therefore by killing her Joe protects his relationship with her. It would be a fairly big coincidence if Joe really was doing all this for Beck and just happened to be better off after doing them.

Based on this we see Joe’s obsession to get and keep Beck entails a lot of selfishness. Him getting to go out with Beck means more to him than a human being’s freedom.

Despite being a murderous man, murder isn’t something Joe finds 100% easy to do. As stated with Elijah, Joe is filled with guilt after murdering him. This is why I think Joe doesn’t kill Benji as soon as he kidnaps him. However after awhile he gathers up the strength to do so and does. Like the kidnapping, the murder was done at least mainly, to get Benji out the way of him and Beck being together.

Therefore the murder shows us even more how selfish Joe is when it comes to dating Beck. Not only is a human being’s freedom of less importance to him than going out with her, another human being’s life is also.

5. Joe and Peach

Joe as we see really doesn’t like Peach. It’s fairly obvious why: as said before she is getting in the way of him having a nice relationship with Beck. He well and truly despises her for this. Although maybe the fact that she really does treat Beck like garbage might play a part in this, the main factor is definetly her being in his way.

This shows us again how selfish Joe is when it comes to Beck. Another human life he has taken to preserve his relationship with her.

6. Joe and Karen

Joe becomes a real heartbreaker here.

Joe goes out with Karen not because he is into her but because he is heartbroken after giving up on Beck. Then when Beck is into him again ... He dumps Karen and goes out with her.

7. Joe and Paco

Joe and Paco.

I’ve seen people debate over whether Joe really cares about Paco. I say yes, he does.

I think Joe’s murder of Ron proves this. Joe sees Ron about to beat up Paco and Joe then kills Ron. Joe gets nothing out of this, if anything he’s now in a worse place as he has another murder to cover up. But he does it anyway. Because Joe truly cares about Paco. Everything he did for him was out of genuine care and kindness.

Joe sees that Paco is being abused by his mother’s boyfriend and is distressed at seeing his mother being abused so Joe decides to try and fix things for Paco. And in the end he does.

8. Joe and Claudia

Joe and Claudia’s relationship is fairly simple. He initially sees her as a part of the problem for not leaving Ron. He seems to think she keeps him around due to stuff related to her drug addiction. So Joe and Karen get her off the drugs and Joe thinks its all over. Except Ron is still in the picture.

Joe meets Claudia in the hospital after Ron gives her a concussion and angrily confronts her for the fact Ron is still in the picture. Claudia explains to Joe that Ron is a parole officer and has connections that can see to it that Paco is removed from her custody regardless of whether he should or shouldn’t be. That is why she does not leave him, she doesn’t want to lose her son. After hearing this Joe is apologetic. He has realised that Claudia isn’t to blame.

9. Joe and Ron

Joe and Ron are natural enemies. Joe is determined to fix Paco’s life and Ron is the one who has broken it in the first place.

10. Joe’s less murderous persona in the second season

In season 2 Joe shows a much less murderous side. He decides to try and not kill people and when he does he gets very disturbed. Why has this change come about?

I feel like this is revealed after Joe kills Jasper. He sees a hallucination of Beck that tells him off for killing Jasper and for killing her. Joe says sorry, in a very regretful, quiet and dramatic way. She also states that he is scared he will hurt Love like he did Beck.

Joe does not want to kill anymore because he feels guilty about killing Beck. As stated before, Joe did care about her and then he killed her. And he doesn’t want to do the same to Love. So he wants to stop killing altogether.

However in the end Forty quotes Beck as she was rejecting Joe after locking him in his own cage. This drives Joe over the edge and he tries to murder Forty. He loses himself remembering Beck’s rejection of him and fails to no longer be murderous. Even if Forty did stop Joe from succeeding in the kill, he still tried to.

He again loses himself when he suspects Forty has cracked that he was Beck’s murderer. He gets out a shard of glass and attempts to murder him out of fear of the consequences of Forty having this knowledge.

Forty then tells Joe that he loved a woman named Sofia and she rejected him so he murdered her. Joe relates strongly to Forty and embraces him. Like Forty, Joe cared strongly for Beck and was attracted to her, and ended up murdering her for her rejection of him. He relates to Forty and is touched.

11. Joe and Ellie

Joe for some reason from the get go really cares about Ellie. I actually can’t put my finger on why but it seems clear he does. He takes it upon himself to protect her from Henderson, the child raping pedophile who she is an aquaintance of and saves her after Henderson drugs her and makes her unconscious.

At the end he prevents her from going into care and funds her new independent life for her again showing how much he cares.

12. Joe and Delilah

At first Joe and Delilah are merely aquaintances, but after they hang out one night and have sex they end up becoming close friends. As well as Ellie, Joe strongly cares about Delilah. He was willing to give up on his life in the USA and spend the rest of his life in Mexico so that he wouldn’t have to kill Delilah to prevent himself being arrested for killing Henderson.

Also another thing to note is that Delilah is a parallel character to Karen Minty. Joe has sex with Delilah after Love leaves him like how Joe had sex with Karen after Beck left him.

I would also say she is a parallel character to Claudia. Claudia is Paco’s carer and Delilah is Ellie’s carer.

13. Joe and Henderson

Henderson is a parallel character to Ron. Joe’s child friend in season 1, Paco was tormented by Ron and his child friend in season 2, Ellie is tormented by Henderson. Joe decides to protect the kids from their tormentors.

Like with Ron, Joe and Henderson are natural enemies.

14. Joe and Love

Because Joe is determined not to hurt Love the way he did Beck, I think he cares about her in a similar way he does Beck. Like with Beck he also wants to be in a relationship with Love.

After Love reveals her true colours however Joe seems to be angry at her and dislike her. This goes to the point that he even tries to murder Love.

I believe the main reason for Joe’s dislike of Love is not so much because she is a murderer but rather *who* she murdered: Delilah.

As established before Joe well and truly cares about Delilah and Ellie. Now Love has killed Delilah and as a result truly hurt Ellie. As a result Joe is absolutely furious at Love and is out for her blood.

In addition to this Joe’s reaction to finding out Love’s true nature is “you killed Delilah!” not “you’ve killed people!”, “you’re a murderer!” or “you killed Delilah and Candace!”. Love showed him that she killed Candace and told him she killed her and Forty’s au pair Sofia. Yet Joe doesn’t react to that, only that she killed Delilah. And he also asks “what about Ellie?”. His objections to Love all seem to be about Delilah and Ellie, not generally the fact that she’s messed up like him.

Also as I am writing this I just had a thought; what if Joe is weirded out by Love? She is obsessed with him and is willing to murder to be with him as she has shown? Yes Joe himself is like this, but now that he is the victim of it, maybe he finds it weird and freaky and that has a part in this?

That being said I still think he is mad about Delilah and Ellie as bringing them up is his initial reaction to Love’s revelation.

During Love’s lesbian friends wedding Joe realises that he and Love are alike and they have both done similar horrible things.

That being said its clear that despite Joe’s realisation that he does not have the right to judge Love, he is no longer attracted to her. And I think that this is because of the revelation, he was attracted to who he thought she was prior to it, he doesn’t find who she actually is very attractive. I reckon personally that this comes down to him being freaked out by her obsessional yandere murderous nature.

15. A general summary of Joe Goldberg

To summarise Joe as a human being, I’d say he is a horrible person without a shed of doubt.

But despite overall being horrible, he is a caring and considerate person. I think his general charm in interacting with other characters whether they be major or minor is genuine. However that doesn’t mean he is a good person because..

He is also very selfish and very aggressive. He is prepared to do great harm to others to get what he wants, and if you annoy him like Elijah did you’ll regret it.

When it comes to his friends (Paco, Ellie, Delilah) and his love interests (Beck, Love) though he is far less selfish and actually quite selfLESS. His murder of Beck didn’t come down to selfishness, it came down to him being horrified that she was rejecting him. The great lengths and sacrifices he makes for them speak a lot to his care about them.

16. Parallels

One last thing I want to explain is something I’ve touched on all throughout this post: the characters of season 1 and 2 are parallels. The parallels are:

Beck and Love: Joe’s love interests

Paco and Ellie: Joe’s kid friends he protects

Ron and Henderson: The tormentors of the kids he protects them from

Claudia and Delilah: Carers of Joe’s kid friends

Karen and Delilah: After Beck leaves Joe he has sex with Karen, after Love leaves Joe he has sex with Delilah

(Possibly) Peach and Forty: In that they are each competition for Joe when it comes to the love interest, Peach is a love rival while Forty tries to have Love to himself. The parallel could also be a way of portraying Joe’s character development, when Peach got in his way he murdered her, while Joe tries to get along with Forty being in the picture.

#you #joe goldberg #character analysis #character study #guinevere beck #love quinn

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cowboyshit · 4 years

Text

Stay the Night

I started writing this lil ficlet awhile back, right around Revolution. I decided to write a purely smut-filled one-shot just for indulgence sake, where a FOC would basically use sex to "take care” of Adam and make him feel a little better. Since I like using FOC’s who I’ve already established whenever I can, I figured Fawna Rose from Some Real Cowboy Shit fit the bill for this one perfectly. There’s a little angst as we catch up on why these two aren’t together, but for the most part this ficlet is purely self-indulgent smut.

Ship: Hangman Adam Page x Fawna Rose (FOC)

Summary: After their initial encounter, Adam and Fawna started to get close. Close enough that she was pulled in to the storm of his insecurities and, not able to handle the idea of not being the only man in her life, they decided to stop seeing one another. However, the night after Revolution, even though Adam and Kenny won and beat the Young Bucks, Adam finds himself holed up alone in his hotel room, drinking. Lonely. He makes a stupid, drunk decision and despite what unsolved aches lay between himself and Fawna, he decides the only thing that can help him is the chance to see her again.

Rating: NC-17 (Gratuitous smut)

Warnings: Alcohol use, smut

Length: 5,982 words

Available below the cut

There was still a ringing in his ears. An ache in his chest. No matter how much he drank, he couldn’t get it out of his head. The footage on the titantron in front of him. Matt, Nick, and Kenny. All three poised to superkick him after he and Kenny won the tag team titles.

Kenny. The man who held the other half of the tag team titles alongside Adam himself.

But it was supposed to matter that they didn’t kick him, right?

That’s what he kept telling himself. Beer after beer. Shot of whiskey after shot of whiskey. It was becoming apparent that no amount of drunkenness was going to ease what was burning in his heart and that was when, drunk, a careless, reckless, and absolutely stupid idea popped into his head.

There was a sharp and sudden clatter as his clumsy, big hand swept a little too hard and tipped one empty beer can to crash into three more, sending them bouncing off the coffee table and onto the floor below. He muttered a curse and looked at the mess, noticing a few splatters of beer had spilled out and were soaking into the carpet. Unable to care enough to do anything about it, he made a nose of discontent in his mouth that was something like a grumble and returned to what he’d been trying to grab: his phone.

The bright screen made him wince as he unlocked it, but he soldiered on, mind set on one conquest and unwilling to give in until it did what was necessary. He navigated (with difficulty) to his contacts, scrolled, and clicked her name.

FAWNA ROSE

Their last text conversation popped up, long bubbles of thoughts they’d sent back and forth over a month ago, and her last words to him shone vivid and bright. He knew what they said – he’d read this conversation enough to memorize it – but he still forced his eyes to focus and read them again.

If you can ever find it in your heart to accept my situation, I’m here. Until then, I don’t think we should talk or see each other anymore. We’re just hurting ourselves by dragging this out Adam, and it isn’t fair to either of us. I care about you.

I care about you.

He sucked in a hard breath and held it, broad chest lifted and lungs slowly beginning to ache. His eyes ran over those four words one more time and he exhaled in a heavy, sudden breath. Too drunk to think through what he was doing he clicked her name, clicked audio, and clicked the button to call her. He held the phone against his ear and stared wordlessly out the window from his hotel room and tried to keep his breathing low and slow. He didn’t know what he was going to say when she picked up (if she picked up). He didn’t know why he was calling.

Yeah, he did.

The phone clicked and the ringing stopped but didn’t roll into the voicemail recording. She was there on the other line, but she hadn’t said anything. He pressed the phone a little harder to his ear, wanting her close, wanting to hear her breathing. His lonely heart ached and not just for the way he missed her, but for everything. For himself. The loneliness that chased his lashing out at men he’d once called brothers. The emptiness that no amount of alcohol seemed to fill, try as he might. The sting at the words echoing back at him in real time, with Nick’s and Matt’s voices, joining that of his insecurities and making it all harder to fight and to ignore.

“Adam?” She spoke first after enough silence passed between them.

He inhaled, tried to say something – even something as little as a hello – but found his throat was suddenly too tight to work anything through it at all. That air he sucked in hitched, betraying the shaky way he was struggling to hold his composure.

“Text me your hotel and room number, okay?” There was a gentility to her tone that stung his eyes with tears and made him pinch the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb to hold them at bay. The ache inside was a chasm ripped asunder and it begged to be filled with the care she so freely gave him. “Adam?”

“Okay,” he barely managed to speak, voice hoarse. He cleared his throat after and tore the phone away, ending the call with his heart pounding hard and his inebriated mind spinning.

After sending her the hotel and his room number, Adam glanced around and lumbered to his feet. His large frame swayed with instability, but he started to snatch and shove discarded towels and clothes around the room in an attempt to tidy up. He wasn’t necessarily a slob, and it was hard to make a hotel room messy after just a day when you spent your time in it completely alone, but drunken carelessness had him less clean than he’d normally be. He knew Fawna worried about him, too. Wouldn’t do for her to come in and see a bunch of beer cans lying carelessly around.

He didn’t call her because he wanted her pity, nor did he want to be lectured.

They’d gotten close after their first encounter. Close enough that she knew what he was going through. Close enough that when he started letting the fear of everyone close to him turn on him become true, he’d taken that out on her, too. Because he didn’t like that someone he was beginning to get real feelings for was already married. Because he was already feeling inferior everywhere else in his life, and no matter how many times she explained polyamory and her unique situation, he couldn’t shake the voice in his head that reminded him with her, he’d always be second.

Always second.

He was so tired of being second. Or third. Or fourth. Or fifth.

When the fuck was it finally going to be time for him to be first?

There was a knock on the door and Adam jerked, realizing he’d been standing in the middle of the hotel room, holding the television remote, staring off into space as he drifted in and out of painful, misery-fueled thoughts and inebriated numbness. Shaking himself back to reality he glanced at the remote, frowned, and set it on the hotel entertainment center before making his way to the door. His weight lurched and he struck a palm on the door to steady his body and keep from toppling over. It was then he realized he hadn’t thought to put on a shirt and hesitated, just briefly before he slid his hand down the flat surface to the handle, pulling it open and glancing down his front at her.

Seeing her after a month of no contact brought up feelings he didn’t have the mental stability or sobriety to process. He sucked in a breath and tried to think about what to say, but his drunk tongue took over and robbed him of the chance to save face.

“I miss you.” His brow pinched, and he swallowed back hard.

“I know.” She said, but gently, like she was cradling him carefully, minding his current fragility to keep him from shattering apart. Her autumn brown eyes on his put butterflies in his stomach and made him sway where he stood. Did she see the way she affected him? “I miss you too.” She admitted, volume a little smaller, like she knew she wasn’t supposed to say it but understood how badly he needed to know that. He felt guilty, then, making her go against everything she’d explained to him about how they couldn’t see one another unless everyone was on-board and okay with their situation.

He worried she was going to ask him if he’d changed his mind. His bleary blue eyes jumped with sudden sharpness between hers, waiting for it.

“Can I come in?” She asked instead, gesturing to the hotel room behind him he was blocking with his thick figure.

“Oh, yeah.” He said quick, stumbling back and out of her way. Adam held the door as she walked inside and then turned to close it, back to her as he tried to sort through everything and get a better hold of himself. Calling her here had been a drunk mistake, but he was still too drunk to take responsibility and send her home. He had her here. He needed her.

Adam turned around, hoping when his gaze met hers, he’d have a stroke of brilliance and know just what to say. “Fawna, I –”

“Shh,” she said, effectively quieting him as he frowned in confusion. Fawna drew close enough to lay her palm over his heart, and a smile tilted the edges of her full, sinfully kissable lips. “I can feel how hard your heart is beating,” she whispered, and it sounded like a roar in his ears with the way his blood rushed.

“Wait. I can’t do this to you.” He’d lifted his hands to pull hers off him but let his fingers curl around hers and was holding her hand between them. “I still don’t think I like the thought of sharing you, I just…” Words failed him because he knew he was wrong. He knew it was wrong to ask her to stay anyways, to let them keep complicating things because he just wanted to feel good for a minute.

He was using her the same way he used alcohol.

“Adam, it’s okay.” She said, surprising him. He frowned at her and she slowly pulled her hand away from his.

She pressed her fingers onto his chest and though she didn’t have the strength to physically move him, he allowed himself to be moved at her insistence and stumbled backward until she had them turned with his back pointed toward the bed. When he glanced questioningly at her, she raised one dark, shaped brow as if to say: Do you really want to fight me on this right now?

It was easy to give in since it was what he wanted. Adam let her guide him backwards until he fell on the bed, and when he tried to speak as her hands went to his belt buckle, she clicked her tongue with gentle chiding and let their eyes meet.

“Let me take care of you tonight, Adam.” She said.

Fawna waited for his nod, and relief swept immediately through his body. He laid back on the pillows and breathed hard through his nose as she released the tension of the belt, snapping the buckle and pulling the strap through. The sound of his jean zipper tugged down overpowered the jingle of her leaving his belt undone, and he groaned deep in his throat as she slipped her fingers beneath the elasticity of his boxer-briefs and wrapped her fist firm around his cock. The blood was rushing to fill it quickly, and he pressed his chin to his chest and watched with desperate eyes as she gave him that little smile that claimed innocence even as she behaved licentiously.

“Ohh,” he squeezed tight passed clenched teeth, “fuck.” A quick hiss sucked air hard into his lungs as she dipped and put her soft, wet mouth over the head of his cock and slipped him down her tongue. His body tensed and his hips arched upward, greedy, stuffing more of his inches and stretching her lips wide around his girth. His fingers curled and dug hard into the comforter over the hotel bed and his eyes, wild, jumped over the top of her head and watched her please him.

A desperate, shaking hand unclenched the grasp it had on the comforter and moved instead for her hair. He pushed the strands out of her face, wanting to have a clear line of sight to his cock bulging her cheek at the same time he felt it running between her tongue and the warm, ridged roof of her mouth, the tip pushing between the warm wet walls of her throat before she pulled back up. His groans filled the room and mixed with the little wet noises of her lips and tongue servicing his cock.

A little pop as she pulled up off his head, sucking back the saliva that left it glistening.

“Feels good, baby?” She purred, and Adam’s fingers slipped to frame the back of her head, curling tight around the strands.

“Mhm,” he grumbled, nodding as he pushed her head down, eagerly wanting her mouth on his cock again.

That soft, wet tongue of hers knew just how to stroke the skin, just where to curl and flick the sensitive lip of the head of his cock, and as badly as Adam wanted to keep watching her he was victim to the way his eyes rolled back in his head. Fingers still curling in her hair – pulling the strands a little too hard, his knuckles gone white – he pushed her down further and further, stuffing his cock inside her warm mouth until her lips kissed the base. He felt her struggle to hold his cock so deep and pictured the way they’d look from the side, where he’d be able to see the bulge of its shape down her throat. She choked again, body jerking, tender, wet skin squeezing his girth and making him moan deep in his chest.

Adam’s eyes snapped forward and he released the pressure of holding her down, watching as she slipped quickly up, little bits of spit bridged between her lips and the head of his leaking, desperately red cock. As she brushed the saliva away, Adam’s eyes traced the wetness glistening over her eyes and admired the way they shone in the soft white hotel light coming from the bedside lamp. He liked it like this - lights on - able to watch and see everything.

Fawna curled her fingers around his erection and used her spit and his precum as lubricant as she stroked with perfect pressure. Adam’s chin jutted outward, jaw clenched tight as another desperate, heavy moan ripped through his lungs and pressed between his teeth. She bent and he felt the tip of her tongue run down the blood-filled veins of his shaft toward his balls, and when she latched her lips around them and sucked the tender skin of his sac he made a desperate sound and curled his fists hard into the sheets at his side. Sweat dappled his forehead, sticking his crown of blond curls to his skin.

“Oh fuck, Fawna, baby,” he panted heavy and fought to keep his eyes forward when all they wanted to do was roll back again.

“Mmm, mhmmm,” she moaned and murmured while still sucking and licking the most sensitive, pleasurably spots, fingers rolling over the tingling, needy head of his cock. She sent vibrations through his cock as she did it and caused him to glance desperately down his body toward her head bent between his legs.

“Wait, wait,” he breathed heavily, like he’d just finished performing an intense match in the ring, his large sweat-damp and lightly blond-hair dusted chest rising and falling with staggered breaths. As Fawna slowly pulled her mouth off him and looked with confusion, Adam was sure to move quick and shoved at his denim jeans to push them further down his thighs. He wanted them off, same with his boots and socks. Once Fawna realized this she pushed his hands away - she’d said she wanted to take care of him - and undressed him herself.

She slipped off the bed and when his glazed eyes followed her with helpless confusion she answered with a little curve to her smile and slowly started to undress herself. “Stay put,” she commanded with a sweet murmur, and practically peeled the material off her skin inch by inch until his blood was roaring in his ears and the beat of his heart was pounding distinct enough to count. His fingers curled into the reprieve of the comforter again, needing to grab something since she’d told him he wasn’t allowed to reach for her. Hungry blue eyes nearly gone black, void of any softness they could otherwise have, ate up his delectable little treat as she - at last - peeled the lace lavender bra she wore and dropped it to the side. She curled her fingers in the elastic of her matching panties and made sure to turn about as she slipped them down and off her body so he’d have ample view of her ass as she did it.

It made him growl, more beast than man. His ass clenched as his hips lifted instinctually upward, wishing they were buried between those thighs he couldn’t pull his gaze from.

When she returned to kneel on all fours between his spread legs, she bent and angled her head inward, laying a slow, lingering, sensual kiss against the inside of his thigh. She trailed those affectionate, sweet touches up his skin to where his cock jerked and twitched, so hard it almost hurt, pre-cum beading and dribbling desperately down its head.

After pausing to wet her fingers she began to service him again, being careful to let off when it was clear she was building him too quickly toward the peak. The tease - the way she edged him - was the most glorious torture he’d ever experienced. He fought the instinct to put his hands on her hair and hold his cock in her throat until he made her gag on his cum by instead bruising her body with how rough he handled her. He grabbed fistfuls of the soft fat over her hips before he ran his calloused palms down her chest and over her nipples, pinching and pulling them just enough to make her squeak in that way that made a smug grin push into his round cheeks.

His sac sucked tight to the base of his cock as she bobbed her head in a quick, rapid motion over his sensitive, throbbing head. He felt the tight curl in his abdomen for the fourth time that night and his thighs tensed, the hard muscles beneath the natural fat showing. Fawna, used to the way his body communicated during sex, popped her lips off his head just before it was too late. He groaned long and low, mixed with an almost growl-like noise of frustration as his hips arched up and his cock leaked desperately, but he still didn’t cum.

“Are you trying to kill me, woman?” His voice was strained. Weak. He was a mess of heavy breaths and a sweat-sticky body.

And she smiled that little smile with her lips red and swollen from how they’d sucked and licked at his cock for so long. That playful little innocent seeming smile that told you she knew she wasn’t pure at all. It made his eyes dark with hunger and his fingers cramp, wanting to curl hard into her skin and flex his strength over her. She leaned back on her calves, sitting upright between his legs, and slowly wiped the little glisten of saliva and precum from her lips before she fixed her eyes on him again.

“Of course not, baby. I’m just enjoying you.”

A shiver of pleasure rushed down his spine and a flood of pride filled his body. That was something Fawna did well from the very beginning; make him feel important. Needed. She could be anywhere in the world, even back home, with her husband, but she wanted to be here, squished between his hairy, thick thighs, making him writhe and moan and nearly cum before letting off and going again, drawing everything out for as long as they physically could.

“Besides,” she said, tone playfully matter-of-fact as she started to climb up him, knees on the mattress at either side of his hips, drawing her eyes back up to his, “those moans of yours have me drenched, and you’re not going to finish until you’re inside me.” His nostrils flared, jaw clenching tight enough to make the muscle jump beneath his closely trimmed blond beard.

She pressed back on his thick cock, the head slipping between her pussy lips but not yet allowed inside. He could feel the truth - how wet she was - and it made him groan as his cock slid up with ease between them and rubbed her clit. She ran her hips back and forth, slow and languid, teasing her clit to rise and making herself whimper and moan above him. Adam’s fingers bit into her hips and drove the pace a little faster, wanting to milk more and more of those trembles out of her body and hear those needy little cries she couldn’t help but make.

Fuck, she was so wet. He could feel it coating their thighs; sticky.

Before she could make herself cum by rubbing his cock over her clit, Fawna pulled her hips up and reached back, positioning him so that when she sat back, the leaking, red head of his erection buried an inch inside her. She sank her hips slowly; down, down, down until he was comfortably lodged deep and they both stilled for a moment, adjusting to the way they breathed with shaky, desperate breaths. She ran her hands down his bare chest and started to move, rocking her body slowly to stroke his cock a few inches in and a few inches out. She was building him again, content to make his head spin and keep his only focus on the love and sex that filled the space between and around them.

The moan from his chest was deep and yearning. He arched his hips up as she sank down, and his fingers readjusted where they gripped her. He was trying to reach through fat, through muscle, to bone. She moaned and Adam felt he’d never heard a sound that made him happier. The way her cries bounced off the corners of the hotel room and reverberated back, tangling with his own passionate grunts, the shifting of their bodies atop the sheets, was driving him toward a lack of control. He wanted it all, then and there. He wanted to flip them around so she was beneath his shadow, he wanted to push his palms hard against her thighs and roll her hips up until her knees touched her temples. He wanted to drive his hips hard and fast into her over and over and over until he bruised her and left her aching for days. This possessive beast inside him was nearly impossible to deny, and his hands gripped tighter on her hips, his own driving faster up into her. He forced his eyes open, though they wanted to clench shut from the pleasure tingling through his entire body, and watched the way her face pinched in pleasure, lips caught wide open, their edges still glistening wet from when she’d been servicing his cock.

He grunted and drove his hips up harder, readjusting his grip on her hips, happy to see the red and white marks of his hands in the fat there. Would it bruise? He hoped so. He hoped she’d have the marks of his fingerprints in black and blue across that pretty flesh, and think about this moment. How good it felt to have him deep inside her, stretching her.

Suddenly, she resisted him. Before concentrating, Adam was the hive of restless need, and only forced his grip on her a little tighter, trying to make her ride him to the rhythm he decreed. But, when she stayed firmly resolute against being drilled by his pace, his eyes met hers with question. She slipped her hands down his sweat-damp chest to where he held her body and curled her fingers around them. Lifting, she pried them off her body and set them atop the comforter cushion. Her eyes met his and she smiled.

“My pace, cowboy. Remember?” She grinned as she said it, stopping him once again from getting carried away and driving them to the orgasm his cock was desperate for, twitching and leaking inside her. The breathless quality to her voice, the way she seemed to need to catch herself for a minute, was more than enough evidence to see how he’d affected her and nearly threw her off her game plan for the evening.

Adam could barely smile, every muscle tense and tight, but still flashed her an impish one.

“Can you blame me?” He choked out as she brought the pace back slow, sliding languid up and down his length, head never falling from her drenched lips. He shifted his body beneath her, peeling his skin from the damp comforter and drew a ragged, needed breath deep in his lungs. His tongue swept his lips and he took another breath, letting the tension in his muscles slowly leak out. “You’re driving me insane.”

“Aw, I’m sorry baby,” she said with a purr in her voice and a look in her eyes that said she was definitely not sorry. “But tonight I make all the rules.” She kept that pace, that way she stroked the entire length of his cock up and then down. Moving her hands to either sides of his shoulders she leaned her body over his and let him be trapped in her shadow. Her nipples brushed his chest and made a shiver ripple through his body. Every slow shift back and up of her body rubbed them against his skin and made him want to make a mad grab for them. Instead, his fingers curled desperate into the sheets where she’d placed them.

Fawna lowered, but didn’t reward his lips with a kiss. Instead she left tokens of her affection on his neck, kissing, licking, down to his chest and up the other side. She suckled, not enough to leave any permanent marks, but enough to let the blood rush hot and tingles to race up and down his spine. As she nibbled at his earlobe she whispered huskily into his ear, “I’m here to take care of you tonight, baby. I’m going to make it worth your while.” And she dropped her lips back to his neck, kissing where the muscles jumped because he swallowed so hard at her repeated promise. She lifted her mouth from his neck and hovered over him. One of her hands reached so she could gently grasp his bearded chin, tilting his blue eyes to meet hers. “That means I decide when we cum and everything we do before then.”

A shiver ripped through him like a tremble and the satisfied look in her eyes made him bite back a groan.

The slowed pace had taken him off the edge he’d been desperately at, and Adam wasn’t sure to be thankful or to curse her. Fawna slowly sat back and his cock twitched, buried inside her. He looked up her body, every imperfection on display by the glowing lights all turned on in the hotel room. She wasn’t shy - he loved that about her - and smiled at him watching her, lifting her arms and arching her body sensually. Her pink nipples were hard, and it took everything he had not to demand she bring them to his mouth where he could suck, lick, bite and give her beard burn on her breasts. His eyes fell down them to her belly, to her hips and thighs where his greedy fingerprints were still visible on her skin and back up again. When he’d had his fill of admiring her, Fawna began to move her hips again.

Adam wasn’t sure how much time had passed since she first came to his hotel. Time seemed to stand still in this place, even though he logically knew he didn’t. Nothing existed but himself and Fawna. Not the alcohol, not the turbulence in his self-identity and his questioning of the love and loyalty of men he’d once called brothers on his tongue and in his heart. None of it. He existed only in pleasure with her rocking hips, in the pressure of her pussy wrapped around his hard, pulsing, desperate, cock, and the sore tightness of his balls sucked up to the base of his shaft, needing that final release. They were both glistening with sweat, their hair stuck to their foreheads, temples, and neck.

Fawna pressed her palms against his chest gently and lifted her hips off him until his cock slid out, patched in creamy white from her own slick. It twitched, longing for the warm home it’d been enveloped in. She didn’t rob him for long, instead gingerly moving her body so she stood bedside and reached for his hand to tug him off the bed too. The sheets stuck to his sweat-damp body, his thick figure a frame in the comforter from how hard he’d been pressing himself into it.

“What idea do you have in that head of yours now?” He asked, but his voice was roughened by the relentless continuance of pleasure and the denial again and again and again of final satisfaction.

“You’ll see,” she said, and leaned over the bed, pressing one of her forearms atop it for leverage. She reached back, hand on his, and pulled him to stumble forward until his hairy, muscular thighs pressed against her legs and his cock slipped up between her cheeks, leaving a trail of his precum and her wet. When she let his hand go it was natural for it to fall to the ample curve of her ass and for the other to join it. His fingers pressed and curled into the give of the fat there and that hungry look passed his face again.

Fawna arched her back and moved herself into the cushion of the mattress and then back, squeezing him inside her cunt with ease, as if they were pieces of a puzzle meant to fit. Adam leaned his head back, letting the end of his curls brush his shoulders, and arched his hips into her pace. His fingers slipped up the curve of her ass with the intent to tighten a grip on her hips but then, unable to help himself, he lifted his right palm and brought it down hard, open-palmed, over her ass. The ripple of skin, the soft sting of red in the shape of his hand and the little squeal of pleasure and pain she made pushed his hunger back to the forefront once more. He raised his hand and brought it down again, making the fat jiggle and the skin redden.

This time Fawna did not stop him from choosing the pace and the more she let him get away with, the more he let the hunger inside take. His hips crashed with hopeless abandon into hers in quick, needy bursts. He knew he was going to bruise her, but he didn’t care. He wanted more and more of those whore sounds to moan out of her throat and bounce around his hotel room and back into his ears, filling it until it was the only sound he could hear.

His fingers curled their grip into her skin and used it to forcibly pull her back hard on him, to assist the thrusts as he shoved his cock needy and deep inside her. He fucked her into the mattress, one hand reaching up her back and shoving her down into it between her shoulder-blades, pushing her ass more up toward him so he could fuck her deeper and make her cry out and moan even more loudly. His name joined her cries and it made him even more ravenous than before. Sweat dripped down between his chest and still, he kept driving his hips to crash hard into hers, shoving his cock relentlessly again and again inside her red, swollen pussy lips.

By offering him the final power - allowing him to answer that needy call inside himself to be the one in control for the final act - she gave him exactly what he needed.

But he could hold off. Just long enough.

The hand that had previously pushed her into the hotel bed lifted and instead snaked between her body and the mattress, fumbling as his fingers reached with greed and without apology for her raw, raised clit. He slipped past it momentarily, almost cruel as he pushed two fingers inside her, along with his girthy cock still stretching her. A devilish grin curved the corner of his mouth at her little cry and long moan of pleasure that followed. He pulled his fingers free and used the wet he’d drawn from inside her to circle around her clit, petting her harder, synching it with the thrusts of his pulsing cock inside her. Just a little longer… just a little longer… he could hold off, he could…

“Adam!” Her cry ripped audaciously loud before her thighs began to shake and her body convulsed, the muscles of her cunt gripping tight around him.

A low groan crawled loudly from his throat, his jaw locked and he bent halfway over her before his own body could be denied no longer. Buried inside her Adam came, decorating her insides with ribbon after ribbon of hot, sticky cum. For a long moment, almost long enough to make them look like carved statues of exhausted lovers, they stayed still like that. Adam leaning over her body, his palms flat on the mattress, her body trapped under his, their skin glistening with sweat that caught the lights.

Dragging a deep breath into his lungs that smelled like sweat and sex, Adam slowly lifted himself to stand straight and gingerly pulled his sensitive, still semi-hard cock from between her red, dripping pussy lips. She crawled onto the bed and turned herself around to look at him, that same exhausted, happy expression relaxed onto her features. Before reality could stab into this sinful haven they’d created, Adam gestured toward the bathroom with a tilt of his head.

“Want to rinse off with me real quick?”

“Yeah,” she said with a smile, gingerly moving to set herself on her feet. When she swayed, he reached out to catch her, though his reaction was a little slower than it’d normally be. They exchanged smiles, amused at how they’d thoroughly exhausted themselves.

She yawned as they padded barefoot and naked around the bed and toward the bathroom. “Is it okay if I stay here with you tonight?” She asked, and though her tone sounded innocent, as if she’d just now thought of it, Adam had to wonder if she’d planned it all along. If she’d had the forbearance to know he didn’t want to spend the night alone, and all the sex in the world wouldn’t stop that emptiness from coming to steal away his happiness as soon as she left and he was the only one in his hotel room.

He wouldn’t put it past her.

Adam pulled her by the hand to stop her from walking into the bathroom and crashed her body back into his. His free hand reached to gingerly tuck a lock of her frazzled, tangled hair behind her ear and fell into tenderly holding her face. This was what made things hard between them. The way his heart beat for her. The way it wasn’t just sex.

“Yeah.” He said, and a faint, tired smile touched his lips. “I’d like that.” He leaned down, his hand slipping to pinch her chin between his thumb and forefinger, holding her face up toward him as he brushed his lips gently against hers and then sank in for a deep, passionate kiss that’d leave them both dizzy by the time it was through.

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