#I've been listening to trick a lot for the past few months

[sockeyesoren]

Who let the dogs out

#alex g #crywank #saint bernard #sign crushes motorist #birth day #I think I'm funny #not a dog person but these guys got my back #I've been listening to trick a lot for the past few months #It's such a shame winner isn't on spotify #sometimes is so good #I wait for you as well that song has me ripping my heart out #((but that didn't have a dog as cover so it wouldn't fit #boyhood is also such a good album #perfect for rotting in bed #I've been surprisingly better the last week #given the circumstances #maybe the thought that summer break is just around the corner gives me the will to actually push through #seeing friends helps too #anyway i don't know I'm just saying things at this point #I'm still mad at everyone #but less so #no not less so #it's not taking me over that's more what I mean #yes #okay bye #ignore this close your eyes actually #gossip from the salmon runs #anyway if you like these artists I recommend #fairies in our house #and blue smiley

[jymwahuwu]

Last one was great!

Poor arrogant reader soon will be fired from her position as head of the Family for some fabricated case, she is now basically jobless with all her belongings and money arrested and guards are not letting her leave Penacony.

She is such a mess now, so stresssed out with her career ruined she isnt even noticing that she hadnt got her period for several months.

But who will she come for help, who will accept a mess like her at such low point of her life?🤔

Of course our angelic prick will take her in. Reader doesnt have a choice to be honest. She doesnt have money to pay for shelter, food and medical care for her condition anymore?

I also hc Penacony being really expensive place especially in terms of healthcare. And abortions are strictly prohibited.

Well, clean house, homemade meals and some other nightly services could cover those expences. Our arrogant girlie will have to humble herself a bit.

And kid being born out of wedlock? Not on Sunday's watch!

Imagine some time later her former coworkers, heads of other Families or her former subordinates witnessing reader going out for groceries or just going out for a walk with Sunday holding her hand firmly?

She does not seems like arrogant bitch anymore, her belly is swollen, clothes are modest, matching rings at couple's fingers.

so sorry for the long delay in replying!!

I've been meaning to find the time to write this... and thank you for writing it in such detail. super love the content about arrogant reader get humiliated. this is awesome 😽💗💖 sunday brings it all to you but you started it first, right?

part 1

cw: yandere, dub-con, brainwashing, mind control, housewife kink, pregnancy, inappropriate traditional concepts (language about serving husband and family)

Sunday used to always forgive your arrogance and intrigue, but that's the past.

Since you like this trick so much, Sunday brings these back to you. In this dreamy and fallen city, your reputation is completely destroyed in half an hour. (He was at the party, shaking his glass and socializing with the guests.) Some Bloodhound family guards burst into your office and led you away , in full view of everyone and a lot of chatter. They grabbed your hands and dragged you forward. (He stretched his hands into fists, put them to his lips and chuckled.) It was almost a crime of betrayal to Xipe and The Family. Listen to harsh words and sign documents. (The money ejected from the machine flies into the sky. The scale of the clock is turning.)

These days of interrogation have left you exhausted. One day, you open the door to your home with the usual verification, but there is a notice on the door that it has been sealed and frozen. That was locked and confiscated. A cold stab of fear stabbed your back. There is no way to book a hotel room or rent a new house. Your bank account is also blocked.

The final straw is the realization that you haven't had your period in months. Used the last of your credit points to take a pregnancy test. The result is a baby growing inside you. There was no doubt that it was that wing bastard's baby. A baby destined to have a halo and wings.

Your eyes were sore, and tears welled up in your eyes and flowed down your cheeks.

The eyes of birds these days are staring at you from every height, corner, and alley. Your pregnancy test results are sent to Sunday's phone. His glove patted your back gently. He whispers to you, the aura continuing to send out gentle waves, shushing you. You whimpered, pushing him away in annoyance. "Get away, you bastard!"

"I just did to you what you've always wanted to do to me. Don't make a fuss." The rising corners of the oak leader's mouth only added fuel to his raging anger at you. What happened to him? He's really terrible! You point at him and take a few steps back. "Don't fucking touch me! You hypocrite."

He frowned.

"No swearing."

"What the fuck-" Just like last time, a cheerful and harmonious arrangement of notes penetrated your mind. That ethereal and strange light appears before your eyes and captures your thoughts. You obediently followed Sunday to his mansion.

What Sunday offers you comes at a price. He provided for you, after all, didn't he? You can no longer be so arbitrary, arrogant and rude. You need to pray at the dinner table, kiss him on the cheek, and be grateful to Xipe and the nutritious food he provides you. Or have him pinch your cheeks and feed you. Now that you have no job and no money, you should have time to sweep the floor, right? Keeping the house tidy is important. He checked the dust on the vase and scanned the floor. Of course don’t forget to suck his cock and spread your legs at night. He will be very, very careful. (Sex during pregnancy is always slow. You whimper when milk is secreted from your buds.)

And witnessing that humiliation! Yes, in the past, you and he competed in the workplace, and the atmosphere was tense. Everyone knows you hate Sunday. And now other family members can see the changes in you. You held his hand tightly, intertwining your fingers with your belly swollen. Those luxurious clothes of the past have disappeared, replaced by your simple, loose skirts.

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #sunday x reader #yandere honkai star rail #honkai star rail x you #yandere hsr #yandere hsr x reader #honkai x reader

[disabledunitypunk]

So, I know this blog has been a lot less active as of late, at least from my part (mod Stars).

I'm gonna be honest; I've been incredibly sick. A combination of some kind of issue with gluten/wheat (may be celiac, or nonceliac gluten intolerance, or wheat allergy) with IBD, MCAS, lactose intolerance and sensory issues, had caught me in such a cycle of degranulation, anaphylaxis, intestinal issues, brain fog, chronic fatigue, and POTS and chronic pain flareups, that I was nonfunctional.

On top of that, anxiety over my partners SSI application (recently medically approved by the administrative law judge, that's a win! still waiting on nonmedical approval but it should hopefully just be a rubber stamp process at this point - knock on wood) has really screwed with my levels of executive dysfunction.

And trauma around medical neglect and abuse, plus being so sick, plus executive dysfunction, had led me to temporarily avoid seeking treatment at all. When I say that the very idea of trying to trick yet another doctor's ego into believing they came up with the idea to test me for the conditions I'm already reasonably certain I have, all while making sure I don't seem too smart, too unintelligent, too articulate, too reliant on google, too self-aware, use too many medical terms, and so on... I've not had the ability to advocate for myself anymore.

Luckily, a friend of mine that's all hellfire agreed to help advocate for me at some of my appointments going forward, so I'm going to be finding a new primary care doc and going forward (possibly seeing my old one a few more times if necessary, just to get re-referrals and maybe get a referral to a non-Medicaid allergist that actually knows what MCAS is) with pursuing diagnoses and treatment again.

Until then, however, I'm pretty much limited to about three foods - plain white or wild rice, "zoup" (a zucchini broth with chunks of carrots, daikon, celery, and wild rice), and raisins. I can drink water and cranberry juice. Between my sensory issues and that tiny list, I've been consistently significantly hungry for a week. I'm struggling to sleep and can't get more than four hours of restless sleep in a night the past few nights. I'm menstruating for the first time in five years for G-d knows why. I feel better and less reactive, especially after an ER visit for some IM decadron, but I am constantly exhausted.

Why do I bring all this up?

This is my daily life. I have near zero quality of life because of the ableism of doctors and failures of the medical system. I'm barely keeping myself alive every day, really only with the help of a lot of caretaking from my partner. I haven't been able to get to my doctor to get approved for that friend willing to advocate for me to be paid for basic caretaking duties by Medicaid. I went out on Saturday for the first time in over a month, and I'll be recovering from that for the next week and a half.

There is not a single minute of my life that isn't profoundly affected by my disabilities. Stress causes a cascading reaction through my MCAS, POTS, ME/CFS. Understimulation causes intense stress and even pain. Listening to music while doing nothing, watching videos, and similar "low energy" activities drain so much energy that they trigger my chronic fatigue, and sometimes cause a lesser reverse cascading reaction.

I can't take an ADHD med to help with the symptoms more disabling than the ones threatening literal anaphylaxis and organ failure because I can't get them compounded without an official MCAS diagnosis, and I'd also need a beta blocker compounded as well (which are are often mast cell triggers) for my POTS because the only ADHD meds that work on me are amphetamines.

I can't take vitamin D or B12 despite being incredibly critically low for the same reasons. I've barely found some OTC benadryl and aleve that I halfway tolerate. I might have a UTI and if I do I'm gonna have to convince doctors 20 years behind the medical literature that IM antibiotics are considered safe and effective and are a safer alternative to oral meds for me, if still risking a minor reaction.

On good days, I can make it between the bed and couch a couple times a day, and between the couch and the toilet. On bad days, I have a chamber pot setup in the bedroom because I can't afford diapers. I'm sure my vitamin D deficiency is not helped by never leaving an apartment that barely gets some sunlight two hours a day because it's in the shadow of the other side of the building.

I used to, on bad days, spend most of the day doing mindless tasks or on slightly less bad days, puzzle games, on my phone. Now, I'm lucky if I can do even that much most days. I AM too sick to play video games. 🥲 I can nap, I can sit with my eyes open, I can listen to music until it's too exhausting anymore.

I'm tired, and every day surviving is just a monumental effort. Again, the ableism of doctors and... actually, they're not failures if they're intentional; the abusive medical system, have not left a single minute of my life untouched.

Multiple times, when talking about online discourse, I've been accused of "wanting to be more disabled than I am", "being physically abled", being "crazy", "delusional", "on something", etc, etc, etc. All for daring to say that ideas like body-mind duality, exclusionism within disabled communities, and similar, are deeply harmful and affect far more than insular online discourse.

Doctors love to shove off chronically ill people into "psych cases". Have anxiety, autism, PTSD, schizophrenia, DID, depression, etc, etc on your chart? Yeah, you're never getting that physical diagnosis. This is what perpetuating and encouraging ideas like "all disabilities are physical OR mental", "people with abc type of disability have privilege over people with xyz type of disability", and so on, DOES.

Sanism is used to perpetuate ableism. Ableism is used to perpetuate sanism. Quite frankly, I'm not sure that neurotypical physically disabled people, non-mad neurodivergent physically disabled people, and physically abled neurodivergent/mad (all as self-identified categories) get just how deeply compounded ableism is when you exist at the intersection of physically disabled and neurodivergent (especially if mentally ill or mad). Or perhaps, the disconnect exists along a line of "profoundly disabled" vs "can access abled hegemony to a significant extent". Perhaps it's both. There is likely elements of how visible a disability is, how much its able to be masked, the type/level/spread of support needs, and so on. There's definitely elements of other marginalization; race, ethnicity, fatness, queerness, and so on.

And then there's the subcategories. Cognitively disabled. Traumatized. Chronically ill. Visually impaired/blind. Deaf/hard of hearing. Intellectual disability. Mobility disabilities. Fluctuating vs static disabilities, support needs, masking, and so on.

Sometimes I wonder, would the people who think I'm just an abled faker who doesn't belong for not being able to seperate my neurodivergence from my physical disabilities, my neurological organs from my body, my inabilities from my inabilities, would they find I'm the same as them when they spend a day in my life? Would they find it worse? Would they find it unbearable in a completely different way from their own struggles? Would they maybe even find that while it's not quite as hard as their own struggles in some cases, that it's still wildly hard and the two are far closer to each other on the scale than they think? Would they understand that we are both in the midst of an active, eugenicist genocide, and that we're 50-49 bullet holes staring down the barrel of a loaded gun that is held by our oppressors?

Even now, I'm thinking about how this post might be inaccessible. Is it readable for screen readers? Will the length be too much for way too many people? Is it understandable for people with intelligence and cognitive disabilities? How do I fix those things if it's not. What am I missing? What am I missing? What am I missing?

I'm exhausted, I'm scared, and I'm barely holding on. I'm safe, mental health wise, to be clear, I'm just convinced that the only reason that I'm not in significant danger from my physical chronic illnesses right now is because I've always had a body that was stubborn as all hell and twice as resilient. I'm not dying, not because the illnesses aren't trying, but because my body will endure far beyond normal limits.

I've experienced slow acting anaphylactic reactions without anaphylactic shock about once a month for 1-2 years now, usually only going in after several days and nights of severe symptoms. Like I've mentioned, several of my vitamin levels are so low as to make organ failure a constant threat. None of my illnesses are "terminal" per se, but that doesn't mean they can't be deadly. And more to the point, it doesn't mean they can't destroy me, that they haven't utterly destroyed my quality of life, without killing me.

I mean, I started this blog as an attempt at fostering solidarity. We CANNOT be quibbling over who really "belongs" in various disability spaces, who gets to reclaim what words or whatever, when so many of us are dealing with this shit.

For the area with the lowest cost of living in the country, SSI should be 5 times what it is now. For the highest, up to 20 times. People on disability benefits lose some or all of their payments, insurance, and so on, if they get married, even to another person on benefits. I've never met a disabled person without more doctor horror stories than diagnoses, and we all know diagnoses like to come in clusters. We are being abused, neglected, and killed.

I cannot stress how much, not that this intracommunity discourse "doesn't matter", but that it does at a deeply harmful level. It's just perpetuation of the abuse we face at a lateral level. We're mimicking the government and doctors and general abled society and getting into petty but deeply dangerous inane arguments that are just us carrying out the only way we've been taught to treat disabled people.

Being a disabled activist and advocate means questioning everything you know about ableism. It means prioritizing first and foremost disabled people. And honestly, speaking as someone whose platform here is dedicated to that, that's really fucking hard. It means believing people about their experiences with disability and oppression in a world that teaches us that the vast majority of disabled people are lying privileged fakers.

It means not believing that people know more about what people with a disability they DON'T have face because of their own disabilities. A little confusing, but essentially someone with disability A without disability B who faces oppression X, can't say that someone with disability B DOESN'T face oppression X, just because they face it. It means not calling the very real harm someone has experienced "misdirected", or making their suffering about you or your subcommunity, just because you've experienced the same or similar harm.

It means unlearning reactivity as a group of extremely traumatized people. It means learning to meet people where they're at, and assume "can't" rather than "won't". It means accepting that sometimes not only will someone's disabilities cause conflicting access needs with your own, but that sometimes people's disabilities can actively cause them to do harm, and that they still deserve rights, community, and support if they do. It also means recognizing that the harm that a disability may cause someone to do is going to look VASTLY different than abled expectations of "harmful" disabilities. It means, even and especially when this happens, recentering the perspective not around how the disability affects other people, but around how it affects the person with the disability.

It's all of this and so much more. It's a lot of effort from people with not a lot to give. It's fighting an upstairs battle with no ramp, so to speak.

And I guess I just... I'm at a loss on how to keep that up. Is just focusing on getting myself well enough to participate again, putting my own mask on first, enough? When there is not a single moment of my life untouched by the extremely deep and extremely systemic harm of ableism, is it enough to try and access the care continually gatekept from me at an individual level? Can I even do so, against such intensive pressure?

How do I live this life, and also go on untangles the narratives of "disabling neurodivergence isn't really a real disability and neurodivergent people face almost no real ableism" and "physical conditions are obvious and so get all the care and face no real ableism". How do I fight the concurrent violences of hypervisibility and erasure within the community that only serve to strengthen abled people bludgeoning us with them?

How do I focus on things like organizing, community building, activism, advocacy, dismantling the system, dismantling our reliance on it, and so much more, when I can't even get out of bed?

All I can do is write about it, right now. Sometimes I feel like that's all I've ever been able to do. Everyone I've ever known has acted like some day my "pen" will be a tool of liberation, but I'm at a loss for how. I'm just some horribly sick mad cripple on a dying microblogging platform on the internet. I don't know - not if I'm enough, but if anything ever can be.

And I don't mean to sound hopeless. I know that change can happen. I know that it is, in tiny and sometimes larger ways, every day.

This is kind of a self-centered post, in the most neutral way. This is just my perspective. This is about me, and how I'm so very disabled, and how people assume I'm not (and how wild that is, considering), and how ableism affects me so deeply, and how I don't know how to face it or fight it...

I can only hope that maybe my word resonating with people means something. That maybe, as much as we never want each other to experience what we have to, that it's also a comfort to know we don't experience it alone. That maybe this will serve as a reminder that it's okay to be scared, to feel lost, even hopeless, to struggle; to not know how to fight or where to turn. That maybe this will reach someone who CAN do something, and maybe it'll reach the people who need to NOT do anything other than take care of themselves, and that maybe it will help both of them.

Maybe that's too grandiose, I don't know. I hardly know what my point is here, other than: this is me, crippled and crazy as all hell. This is the violence I face. This is why I started this blog, because we need to stop hearing "you're a lying abled privileged faker trying to take advantage of and take resources from real disabled people who really need it" from abled people, and saying it word for word to each other. Because what abled people mean by "real disabled people" is just a theoretical disabled person. A perfect victim. They don't mean any real disabled person, especially not those who can advocate for themselves. They mean they think every single one of us doesn't need or deserve accommodations, treatment, respect, humanity, or even life.

That's the point, really. We're all we've got. We've gotta fight for each other, not fight each other. And G-d, I know how hypocritical that sounds coming from my ragey, rabid ass. I just... that's all I know to focus on right now. Not necessarily all coming together and holding hands and singing a song about unity, but just... not being ableist to each other. Tolerating each other even if we can't stand each other. Presenting a united, unbroken front to ableist society, and pushing until they don't have any power over us anymore. Doing the work of activism, which is often neither easy nor feel-good.

That's what I'm trying to do here, at least. I try to get a little better at it every day. I try to listen a little more. I try to keep up hope when my body and mind are crashing down around me.

I don't have a mic-drop conclusion to add to this, so just: I'm opening the floor. Anyone who has anything to add, feel free to do so. What you have to say is valuable.

#ableism #sanism #unitypunk #cripplepunk #madpunk #neuropunk

[the---hermit]

hello cris! i would love to ask as someone who is currently learning a language (i'm currently trying to learn italian again for the nth time) what are your favorite techniques when it comes to learning a language? i've been trying to study italian for two years now but i always end up giving up immediately 😭🫶🏻

Hello anon!

Firstly I had a vague memory of talking about this before and I checked my masterlist so in case you want to read more here is another similar ask I answered to a while back and here an ask in which I meanioned a few italian fiction books for people who are learning. I'll be honest I did not reread those and I don't remember what I wrote lmao. But you have some more reading to do after this just in case!

At the moment the main language I am very slowly trying to learn is Irish. But I will be honest it's more a free time hobby than actual studying. In the sense that I don't have a schedule for it and I have ups and downs in which I am able to focus a bit more, and times like the past few months in which my energy is nowhere to be found so I do very little progress. The main way I am dping this is with duolingo, which I feel is a great way to start and to keep a tiny bit of practice in your everyday life which is fundamental. Of course if you want to have more progress I would suggest coming up with a more structured study plan and schedule, but I'll talk about it in a bit. The other thing I am implementing is a grammar book that of course is what requires more mental energy. My technique with that is, as everything I study, to read it, underline important things and write my own set of notes. That is because I know it is my main way of learning in general.

And with this we come to a important point, before getting into learning anything try to figure out what are the ways you learn things best. Everyone's brain works differently, I personally have awful memory and my brain works way better using logic (which is why the way duolingo is structured works wonders for me, because it forces me to learn grammar rules with logic and it repeats vocabulary so much that even I end up memorizing it). Writing notes down, even several times, is my go to way of learning in general so of course I focus a lot on that. Clearly with learning a language you also need to implement a lot of practice, which is way I recommend trying out a well made plan. This doesn't mean create insane goals that will make you feel overwhelmed. Instead create a low effort plan in which you regularly do a bit of everything:

Learn vocab and practice it

Learn new grammar rule and practice them

Work on booktext esercises

Active learning with a book

Active learning with a video

These are just some ideas. When I self studied english what really made me learn the language was active learning by immersing myself with the language. That forces you to learn. Watch youtube videos in italian (I am pretty sure there's some people who make specific videos for language learnera in which they speak slowly and focus on certain vocab, so I highly recommend those, but when you feel more comfortable with the language go for pure entertainment, that will have you learn actual spoken Italian which is of course different from textbooks). Approach the language with written texts with either children's books or those novels simplified for language learning (those are great because you often get exercises to practice how much you understood of the story).

I know I have probably mentioned it before, but the first way I got into self studying English when I was younger was by writing down lyrics to my favourite album. I think I have it lying around still, a notebook filled with the lyrics to all the songs from Imaginaerum by Nightwish next to the translations. Listening to music in your target language is such a good trick imo. Take my brother, the guy does not speak one word on English but he knows by heart all the lyrics to Iron Maiden songs all.of.them. he never really had to practice English but if he had to I would suggest he started there. The more you get your target language into your daily life the better it is, and I don't mean just learning from books. Force yourself to describe the room you are in in your target language, write about your days in a diary and do that in your target language. When you are waiting in line list all the words that come up to you in your target language. It's hard at first, of course it is, but with time it gets easier and easier. The final goal is to be able to think in your target language, even if the grammar isn't perfect and it takes a long time to remember the correct words.

Think of yourself as a young child. They are learning languages like you, starting from zero, so focus on things that are for them, books and movies. You cannot expect to learn a language like a native speaker of your age right away, they have years of experience speaking it. If you instead think of yourself as a kid you will approach things that are at your current level, and after you can move on from there.

I think the goal is to make a plan and to fit even the tiniest bit of language learning into your everyday life. The progress might be slow but you are training your brain anyway. When you see something isn't working change it up, give yourself reachable goals, and keep it fun.

I hope this was somewhat helpful! If you have any other questioms my inbox is always open. Buona fortuna!

#ask #asked #asks #answered #language learning #langblr #studying #studyblr #study tips #learning tips #cris speaks #mine #the---hermit #anon

[krenenbaker]

Heartslabyul Character Songs and Associations

I was going to make this into a video, and I still may (I actually finished most of it a couple months ago, and then my editing program became uncooperative, so for now it's going to be just text and links here!) but these are some songs I associate with the different characters in twst!

I've included:

A song that represents them

A song they'd listen to

and (for some) an additional song, depending on the character and circumstance

Every song is from my liked songs playlist (so feel free to judge me for my taste, haha!) and I only allowed myself to use an artist once for this project. There is also some strong language and mature themes in some of the songs, so be aware if you choose to listen to them.

I'll be posting for each dorm over the next few days, beginning with our rosy boys from Heartslabyul!

The full Spotify playlist for ALL songs and characters is linked at the end of the post.

Savanaclaw | Octavinelle | Scarabia | Pomefiore | Ignihyde | Diasomnia

Riddle Rosehearts

Represented by: Tongue Tied - Emily Portman

I actually changed this from a different song recently - I was having a hard time choosing between them! However, this song nicely reflects the physical and mental control that Riddle's mother has over him. He is completely obedient to her, despite the harm she causes him (which he doesn't even really recognize). Riddle has very little say in his life, essentially making him "tongue-tied" in a different manner. This song is also based on a German/English folk tale, which connects in my mind to the England-ness of Riddle's homeland of the Queendom of Roses.

Listens to: The Seasons, OP. 37a, TH 135: No. 7, July "Song of the Reaper" (P.I. Tchaikovsky, Lang Lang)

Riddle almost certainly was raised listening to classical music. He would have been exposed to many different composers, but I think he would likely enjoy the grandeur and atmosphere of Tchaikovsky's work, and may also admire the composer himself. And Riddle would especially enjoy the clear structure of a piece like 'The Seasons'.

Ace Trappola

Represented by: Original Prankster - The Offspring

Ace tends to look for whatever will give him the most fun in the shortest amount of time. Though he does care for others and their well-being, he likes to surprise people, and trick them a little (if it's fun and easy, that is!). At his core, Ace is a bit of a troublemaker! (I think he would probably listen to The Offspring as well)

Listens to: What's My Age Again? - blink-182

I think Ace would like pop punk music, especially playful bands like blink-182. It's high-energy, fun, and generally lighthearted, both in lyrics and music. He may have even been introduced to some bands by his brother!

Deuce Spade

Represented by: Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

Deuce has... a lot of regrets about his past. He is making an effort to change, and is trying to learn to be a happier and calmer person. But I think he is still afraid of reverting back to who he used to be, especially since he places such high expectations on himself.

Listens to: River of Happiness - Dolly Parton

On the other hand, I think Deuce's music taste is pretty gentle. I think he'd be a huge fan of Dolly Parton, and he'd probably listen to her with his mum :) (Ace has definitely tried to make fun of him for it... very unsuccessfully.)

Trey Clover

Represented by: Joy to the World - Three Dog Night

It was honestly really hard to choose for Trey... which is odd since he's one of my faves! This song represents him fairly well, though, with his generally easygoing nature, as well as his tendency to do things that will benefit him in some way (rather than out of general love, care, or 'for the greater good'), while still being pleasant and playful.

Listens to: Tusk - Fleetwood Mac

I don't know why, but I think Trey would listen to Fleetwood Mac! I think he'd especially like Tusk because of the story behind its recording, as well as its slightly chaotic composition. He'd just like the ~energy~.

Bonus - Also listens to: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Python

You cannot tell me that Trey wouldn't like Monty Python. It fits his style of humour perfectly, and he was probably raised on the films, too!

Cater Diamond

Represented by: Cheap Queen - King Princess

Cater is also an easygoing person, always living in the moment. He may come off a bit superficial, but that is a bit of a persona, covering up some underlying loneliness and a desire for both fun and connection. I think this song represents some of that. Cater's also one of the few characters that is strongly suggested to be queer in canon (at least in the JP version), so a King Princess song also fits in that regard.

Listens to: Bicycle - RM

While this isn't the most recent song, Cater would probably listen to any music by RM (and BTS in general). 'Bicycle' has the gentle mood and moderate tempo that Cater says he likes, And the lyrics are also fully in the present moment - just how Cay-Cay lives his life! ☆*。★ﾟ*♪ヾ( >з・)ノ

Bonus - Suggests for Music Club: Lemon Boy - Cavetown

I wasn't sure if this song was too sad for Cater to suggest to play in Music Club, but I think that even for just the tempo and instrumentation, it would be a song Cater would like to play. However, he would definitely listen to Cavetown (and probably relate to a lot of songs), even if it's a little more niche than Cater's preferred mainstream pop music.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst character songs #heartslabyul #krenenbaker's :) #I had to redo the formatting on this 4 times because I kept accidentally hitting undo and it removed EVERYTHING I HAD DONE #and the redo sucks on Tumblr :/ #I also have no idea if the Spotify playlist embed worked or not... #I guess I'll just need to wait and see #Spotify

[radley-writes]

Hi there! I'm a fanfic writer who has been suffering with burnout for the past, um, three months and I was wondering if you had any advice. Thank you for the writing tips!

I dug back into the dark, mulchy recesses of my inbox to find this ask, because dang, if it ain't relevant at the moment. I'm sorry it took me so long to piece together some relevant advice!

Sweet nonagismus, if you're still stuck in burnout limbo, here's what I want you to do.

I want you to find a mirror.

I want you to look yourself in the eyes.

And I want you to say, 'I have poured my heart and soul into my creativity. I have given my breath, my energy, my life to my art. And I deserve to rest.'

Because we do. We really do.

Burnout is not something that can be cured with a few bulletpointed tricks on a Tumblr post and a flex of your self-discipline. Especially if you have any mental or physical disabilities, burn-out is your body and mind crying out for mercy. If you don't listen, all you're going to do is make it worse.

I burned out hard during university. Seriously, I didn't write a word of original fiction for years.

At the time I remember being so frustrated with myself. I didn't want to write; I couldn't write - I couldn't even bring myself to read. Still, I felt like I had to be creative. Everyone knew me as a writer, an artist, a wannabe-novelist. It felt as if creativity defined me as a person, and I was nothing without it - worthless and lost.

This led to me continuously trying to pressure/threaten/cajole myself into writing - which, in turn, made the overall problem worse. I never gave myself permission to lie back and absorb the world around me, rather than constantly translating it into art.

So, my advice is:

If you have a professional creative deadline coming up that you need to meet, it is worth forcing yourself through the burnout to make money, as we live in a capitalist hellscape and food is kinda important. But know that you are likely to crash hard after, and if you can, prepare. I'm talking lots of easy-watching films, snacks, warm blankets, etc., and minimal responsibilities.

In literally any other scenario, embrace the burn-out.

I finished Liesmyth last weekend. I have spent the last week reading very little and writing nothing at all.

Instead, I've been catching up with a few shows I've been meaning to watch. I've been tending to some household chores that were neglected while I was in creative hyperfocus-mode. I've been baking and experimenting with new dishes, going on long walks, putting in a few extra hours at work. I've been paying more attention to the world around me, embracing every experience, and letting myself be present in the moment rather than lost in a writer's dreamworld 24/7.

It's incredibly hard. I have not always been able to do this, and I am still learning how to let myself rest. But I have burnt out, poured gasoline over myself and set myself alight enough times to know that eventually, all that's left is ash.

If you have rested and regained your energy, but are struggling to figure out how to return to fanfic, I would reccommend returning to your source material and watching/reading/playing it again! Or, if you're an original writer, read a few old favourite novels. We're talking a gentle, familiar reinduction to the craft.

Take it slow. Take it gentle. And remember:

You are under no obligation to create. Don't let creativity become subconsciously associated with stress and misery. You owe yourself that much.

As the old saying goes, if you do not schedule system maintenance, the system will schedule maintenance for you.

#burn out #writing #writeblr #writing advice #fanfic #burnout #my advice #radley rambles

[albeckett]

spanish, 2 months in

so i've been learning spanish for 2 months or so now 🥳 i know that i'm still in that honeymoon phase where im acquiring a lot at once and every small victory feels like a huge thing, but overall i'm really enjoying it. anyway, i wanted to write up a little post because i think in a few more months or years i'll be interested in seeing how i started learning, as well as what did or didn't work out for me.

fwiw, here's what i'm personally doing. everything is free btw:

daily flashcards - i'm using this anki deck for general vocabulary, and i also have a custom deck that i add slang or rare words to. i also plan to start this one to drill verb conjugations. this is probably the biggest time sink, i do it every day for ~25-30 mins.

grammar textbook - i print out and do the pages by hand. the only thing that sort of sucks is that i'm doing the exercises in order, and they introduce conjugations at like the midpoint, which probably could have helped me earlier on? fabulous book so far though! it's all in spanish, but the examples are very clear, and you pick up more vocab/sentence structure this way imo

language transfer spanish - i'm about 4/5 through this and definitely recommend it for general grammar/listening practice. it's not a traditional language course where you learn how to say "hello/goodbye/my name is" in the first lesson... it really guides you into naturally constructing language instead of just memorizing it and spitting it back out. there are a lot of little tricks you learn too, like how english can be "converted" into spanish using their shared latin roots, the host has a ton of linguistics knowledge so it's really rather fun!

audiovisual/written input - this is the part where i get to WATCH STUFF yay!!!! but then i actually have to pay attention to it, boo. i do actively learn from 31 minutos since i have dual subtitles, but otherwise i kinda just vibe and try to learn from anything i'm into that happens to be in spanish... so other shows and song lyrics, etc. im also verrrryyy slowlyyyy reading this introductory bilingual reader, and i try to pick up things from posts on spanish-speaking subreddits like r/mexico, r/argentina, r/chile, etc... i find reading contemporary posts online is a great way to pick up slang and usually if i find a word i don't know i'll put it in my custom anki deck so i learn it 👍

so where am i at after all of this? UM well it's hard to say but i feel comfy saying i'm advanced beginner... i know most of the simple verb tenses (present, future, perfect and imperfect past, conditional, subjunctive) and maybe like 1000-1500 words? and i definitely have a sense now of what parts of speech should look like. i don't explode anymore when seeing se/me/te before a verb either. i think i could communicate with a (patient) native speaker without losing my mind -- my reading is way better than my listening or speaking, but i think this is somewhat common.

some areas that i could improve on:

i don't get nearly enough listening practice sighhhh like i do want to watch stuff but moving has made it very hard. hopefully i can work on it in the winter

same as above, i need more speaking practice... i am actually doing all this for a reason (going on a trip to a spanish-speaking country next year) so i don't really want to be put on the spot. i might try to find some local clubs or cultural exchange groups for this?

i know it's a meme but i can not roll my Rs very well. it's bad out here

one last resource: if you would like to learn a language but are totally overwhelmed by what to do or how to do it, i heartily recommend this guide. it's entirely about how to learn a language, but it doesn't have tips for specific languages, it can be applied to anything. it's also free, open-source, and pragmatic in its approach, which i like. that's all i got for now but thanks for reading 🙇‍♂️ hopefully i return to this post in a few months with more progress!

#this was originally 'spanish 1 month in' and then i had to revise the entire thing because it sat in my drafts and i progressed a lot #so now im posting it NO MATTER WHAT 🔫 #ennisposteando

[abstractlesbian]

hi noah would u like to do the 5 songs/10 followers music ask game!!!

Yes please I need a break from my finals thank you 🙏🏻

Been listening to this one constantly since with came out 2 weeks ago , been really fun listening to/singing

"If you think I'm stupid now, you should see me when I'm high

And I'm smarter than I look, I'm the dumbest girl alive"

While working thru my last few weeks of college

Recently realized I've just been listening to Francis Cabrel albums from the 70s thru 2004 my whole life and I should probably check if he's still alive (he is) and if he's made any music since then (he has) and if it's good (it is!!) . Really nostalgic artist for me and this song in particular is called songs for Jacques, which was my paternal grandpa's name and this album came out the same month and year he died so it's been comforting to listen to

I don't have a story for this one, showed up in my Spotify discover weekly at the start of the semester and I've been listening to it all winter

Been visiting my parents a lot this past month which means I'm hearing my dad's new album constantly. Still really proud of the cover art I made 🥰 and I love this one! my sister and I are trying to encourage my dad to use horns in his music more and I'm going to try to slowly trick him into making ska music

Speaking of ska, my fiancée has slowly been turning me into a ska fan and I can't stop listening to Kill Lincoln. couldn't pick between these two songs

Bonus:

The trombone player from We Are The Union posts fun ska covers on their YouTube

Ok I have to get back to my medical/science research final so instead of sending an ask to 10 ppl I'm going to tag some

@sapphoid @tinymush @beetlemage @pokemondubstep @officecyborg @cannabiscomrade @librarycards @celestial-uran @glowythings & anyone else who wants to do this

#i usually listen to mostly hyperpop/rap/rock/pop but rachels been rubbing off on me and upbeat ska is great for finals week #just went thru my on repeat playlist to make this

[northernrevive]

#BillyBibby #CarlForbes #DrumandBass #FreezeTheWorld #HAiG #JoeMooney #Kycker #newmusic #NewRelease #newsingle #NorthernMusic #NorthernMusicUK #NorthernRevive #RockBand #TheGold

[glittergutts]

A long post. I'm sorry.

Last night we ordered all of Lola's birthday presents and lemme just say it's scary spending money and next year I shouldn't put it off as long. She just wants things for her baby dolls really. So I got her that stuff and a new dolls.

I also ordered the kids both a pencil box and a bunch of cute pens and pencils. I'm starting to get excited about school starting back in the fall.

Yesterday me and the girls met up with Ellie's best friend at the mall and I found out about a local homeschool co-op. I was reading about it and they have some really neat classes like reptiles and magic tricks. It's also affordable for what it is. It's only 8 weeks of classes and if we like it we can sign up again. I think it could really benefit the kids to get a little time apart and learn about something I can't teach from another adult. I feel a little odd about someone else teaching my kids, it's always been my job.

I've been plotting our school year and have probably a zillion books picked out. Honestly I'm going to rearrange my living room to fit another bookcase to hold more stuff. I'm not buying a workbook for every subject, just English and math. Social studies and science were just going to do a lot of reading and fun projects. I want things to be more hands on.

Since getting off benzos I've realized there's no structure in our house and I have to work on creating some. I think it will be easier in the fall when dance classes start again and if we do the co-op they will get a tiny bit of a normal schedule. I have a feeling I'm going to be busy driving my kids around a whole lot. Lola also wants to do gymnastics and God bless my mother offered to help pay for it cause all these classes are fucking expensive put together for 2 kids.

My first attempt at giving my kids real structure will be meal times and like an actual bedtime not just whenever they get ready for bed. I'm going to meal plan and try to cook more. Ellie wants to learn to use the stove so I'm going to make an effort to teach her though I'm not a great cook.

Hopefully all they need is structure because they've been having a hard time lately. Fighting over every little thing, not listening to me, throwing absolute tantrums and I don't feel like it's appropriate for my 10 year to act the way she does. I'm honestly worried about her, I know she's going through some changes but she cries and screams over anything and most the time I don't understand why she's upset so it's hard to help her and eventually I start feeling impatient because she keeps it up for a long time and it's loud and stressful for many reasons. I just don't think it's healthy 10 year old behavior. I've been considering bringing her to therapy because I want someone to help my child because I'm not able to help enough for anything to change. I'm sad she's so easy to make sad. She used to be so happy it really hurts seeing her like this and not knowing what to do.

Ellie has made some friends in the past few months and I'm hoping her friends can help her be happy too. So I'm agreeing whenever someone ask to hang out with her because it seems like they just bring her happiness. Neither of my kids had friends before like May so it's weird for me to be home alone while they're at the neighbors and exhausting to meet up with friends from dance class but it feels way more normal. Before I felt like it was my fault they were lonely for not sending them to public school where they could make friends. So I have hope now that they can have a normal social life.

I've got so much on mind. All I want beside health and safety for my family is to be able to clean my house. I let it get like this now I have to fix it. I'm starting to accept its going to take awhile. I just feel like it needs to happen before school and other classes start up so we have a clear space to focus and less stuff we don't use anymore. I have anxiety about buying books because there's no shelf space for them and I don't want to add more to the mess. I already feel anxiety about Lola's birthday and getting new things when we already have so much. I just want her to be happy though and she deserves a nice birthday.

For Lola's birthday were going to fill up the kiddie pool and have the neighbor kids over for Popsicles or something and a swim. She wants to go out for dinner too and I feel like that will take the whole day. She's upset I won't let her do a pinata with her friends because one of the kids is pretty violent and I don't want to encourage her to hit anything. After all she already hit Ellie, I'm not giving her a stick to beat things with.

We have a vacation coming up soon with my mom and her husband. However they are currently not speaking to each other for reasons I don't understand but I know I dont want to be around them fighting. I had enough of that from my mom and dad and im just not fucking doing it again. I'm stressed about having enough money for the trip. My mom in general causes me stress. And I'm stressed about getting the house cleaned ish by then. I'm stressed about the roof top pool at the hotel. I don't like being up high. It used to not bother me but now? Fuck no. And I'm going to have to go for my kids sake and damnit I just want to do scary stuff.

Still adjusting to life without benzos and realizing all the things the drugs fucked up in my life is giving me whiplash. I'm alive but I don't know if I'm okay. I can't stop thinking and planning and stressing.

[moneypedia]

[dazedbydazai]

예뻤어 - You Were Beautiful

➤ Pairing: Dazai Osamu x Fem!Reader

➤ Genre: Angst

➤ Warning: Character death(s)

➤ WC: 2.0K

(A/N: This was requested by an anon and was inspired by DAY6′s song, You were Beautiful. I suggest listening to that while reading this. It just hits right.)

Dazai Osamu was a very secretive and elusive man. He had multiple tricks up his sleeve, he was manipulative, cunning, and unforgiving. He didn't know what love was, he abandoned that emotion long ago. He was merciless and self-centered, only caring about things that will benefit him. Dazai Osamu was not a good man.

But all of that changed when his closest friend, Odasaku, died.

Promising to turn over a new leaf, Dazai left the Port Mafia in pursuit of something more beautiful, something good, and he had also vowed to not let anyone else enter his life and be attached to them in fear of losing them like he lost his friend.

Dazai vowed. He closed himself off, hiding behind a pretentious and flamboyant character that fools people with his handsome smile and witty banter. Dazai didn't want to repeat the same mistake twice. Dazai had already learned.

He chanted this in his mind over and over again but alas, he was not able to stick to his word. Because just after a few months of leaving his past self behind, he suddenly met you.

A beautiful woman. Funny, kind, and just as intelligent as Dazai, you showed up in front of him like an angel and broke down all the walls he's built.

Dazai didn't understand why, of all people, did you come to him? Why waste your time on someone who's suicidal and clearly not of sound mind? Why bother entertaining his antics and flirtatious behavior when you knew that he only did this to cover up his ugliness within?

Simple. The answer was simple.

It was just in your nature.

You were gentle when you first embraced Dazai. You were understanding when he told you about his past. You were soft spoken when you told him that it's okay. You were kind, so very kind, that Dazai didn't bother to put up his walls around you anymore.

Dazai let himself fall. He wanted to hold you in his arms longer, wanted you to kiss his pain and anguish away, he wanted to love you. And he did.

That promise he made himself was long forgotten as he sighed contently, letting your fingers drag through his hair, gently fixing it up.

"Dazai? Are you falling asleep?" You giggle as you look at him through the mirror of your dresser.

Dazai blinked a few times before grinning at you. "Hmm... if I say yes, would you let me sleep in your bed tonight?"

You lightly smack his forehead and laugh. "If you meant that literally, then go ahead."

You were always so welcoming with Dazai, no, actually with all the people you meet. You treat them equally, always talking to them with a smile on your face. But Dazai likes to think that he's given special treatment from you. You are, after all, the closest person he's ever let in his life next to Odasaku.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Being with you was easy. You calmed Dazai's heart, relaxed his mind, made him feel more human.

"You are the most beautiful person I've ever met," He had told you one day as you ate your lunch together. If it was anybody else, they'd assume that Dazai was just being his usual flirty self. But since it was you, you knew that those words held something deeper as you look in his brown orbs.

Being with Dazai was difficult, to say the least, but you kept up with him, determined to help him in any way you can. And it wasn't long before you found yourself falling for him too.

It was in the gentle way he held your hand, the glint in his eyes whenever he talks to you, the softness and vulnerability of his voice when he lets out his inner thoughts and nightmares.

You were always there, listening through each and every one of his stories. Even when he had called you up at three o'clock in the morning, voice hoarse and shaky as he apologized to you.

"Did you have another nightmare?" You ask softly and when Dazai says yes, you sit up on your bed and walk him through it. You always knew how to calm him down, knew the right words to say, and Dazai was thankful for that.

Dazai truly loved you and you loved him too.

That's why even if he knows he won't be able to hold you in his arms forever, he still takes the chance and asks you to be his.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It feels like heaven. Dazai thought as he held you in his arms one cold winter night.

It was perfect. How your hand fit in his as he kissed your knuckles gently.

"You are so beautiful, my belladonna."

Those words never failed to make you blush, your heart skipping a beat as Dazai traces the features of your face with his finger.

"Stay with me like this forever, Dazai. I want to keep you close to me for as long as I can," You whisper these words as you close your eyes, feeling sleepy.

"Don't say that like you're going someplace else, my love. I will forever be by your side," Dazai replied as he kissed your forehead and wrapped the blanket closer to your bodies.

But maybe Dazai should have taken your words more seriously that night. Because a few weeks later, he will find himself regretting not holding onto you tighter.

Life was cruel, Dazai knew that from a young age. Things never go according to plan. One moment you're up in the clouds, and the next you're falling head first to the ground.

That's how Dazai felt today as he got a call from the hospital.

Leaving behind his work at the agency and rushing over to you in a panic, Dazai felt his world slowly crumble to pieces as he saw the state you were in.

"What happened?" Dazai asked the doctor as he stood still at the doorway of your room. Dazai's eyes were blank as he listened to the doctor explaining that you suddenly fainted in the middle of the street. That it was probably due to the strain in your heart, a terminal illness that Dazai had no idea you had.

But maybe he already knew. He saw you multiple times trying to take some medicine in secret, as if you were afraid of letting Dazai see. At one time he found a bottle of pills in your cabinet but he didn't dare ask what it was for.

It was silly, how you two were so alike, how you also masked your own pain by that beautiful smile of yours.

When the doctor had finished and left, Dazai approached your bed and sat by your side. Even with your eyes closed and your lips not the usual shade of pink, Dazai still found you beautiful and he simply stared at you, waiting for you to wake up.

When you come to, the first thing you see is the familiar tousle of Dazai’s hair as he laid his head on your hospital bed. You felt your words get caught up in your throat and your hand flinch.

“Belladonna?” Dazai called out groggily, having woken up by your movement.

Immediately, as you lock eyes with him, you felt your tears forming and falling at the corner of your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Was all you could say as you cried. You felt horrible, both physically and emotionally. All this time you had kept this a secret from him, from someone who has been so honest with you from the start. You apologized over and over again, not knowing what else to say.

Dazai hushed you by wiping your tears away. “What are you sorry for, my belladonna?”

You force the lump down your throat as you look up at the ceiling, suddenly unable to face Dazai head on.

“For everything,” You whisper. “I know I should have told you about this. But I just…”

Dazai waited for you to continue, staying silent as he brushed his thumb across your cheeks.

You shut your eyes and cry harder, your body shaking horribly. “I didn’t want to worry you, didn’t want you to see me like this. I look and feel so helpless.”

You clutch the sheets in your hands and take a shaky breath. “All my life they told me to just stay still, to not venture out in the world. I know I don’t have long to live and I planned to listen to them and close myself off. But that was until I met you.”

You find the courage to finally face Dazai again and your heart sank deeper as you see the blank look in his eyes. “I became selfish. Ever since I met you, I suddenly wanted to live. I wanted to experience everything life had to offer. I wanted to fall in love, and I’m so glad that I found that in you. And I don’t regret leaving my past behind and meeting you. But…”

You reach up and hold Dazai’s cheek and that’s when you saw the familiar pain cross his eyes. “The only regret that I have now is that I put you in this position once again.”

Dazai knew what you meant and he couldn’t help the deep sigh that escapes his lips. Closing his eyes, he leans into your touch and says, “Can’t you stay with me for a little longer, Y/N?”

It was the first time in a long while that he called you by your name and it hurt so bad how sad his tone was when saying it.

“I honestly don’t know Dazai,” You admit you aren’t sure how longer you can stay with him, how longer you can live. And as you helplessly lay on the bed and hold Dazai’s hand in yours tightly, you couldn’t help but pray to all the gods to give you a little bit more time.

Life was indeed cruel and it left a bitter taste in Dazai’s mouth as he stared out the window of your shared apartment. There were a lot of things left unsaid between you two but one thing was for certain, you really didn’t want Dazai to see the pain you were hiding inside.

You only wanted him to see the good things, the beautiful things. Wanted him to enjoy life and continue on his journey. But how was he supposed to do that now? He wanted to be angry, wanted to scream at the universe for kicking him down like this over and over again, but he can’t bring himself to. He couldn’t hate you. No. Not you.

Because you were beautiful.

From the moment he first saw you, he knew how gorgeous you were from inside and out.

You were beautiful.

Every time you said you loved him with that sparkle in your eyes. Every time you called his name in that sweet voice of yours. Every time you kissed and wrapped your arms around him.

You were beautiful.

Even as you saw all the ugliness of life, you still managed to smile.

You were beautiful.

Even as you said you were sorry, with tears staining your cheeks.

You were beautiful.

Even as you said your final good bye when you thought Dazai was sound asleep by your side.

Everything about you was beautiful, and deep down, Dazai was glad he found you. He was thankful that you guided him to the light. He was happy he got to spend a significant time with you.

But no matter how beautiful your time spent with him was, he still couldn’t help but clench his fist in anger. Why did you have to leave me too?

It was a question Dazai always asked but he never found an answer. Again, for the second time in his life, someone so dear slipped away from his hands.

Sometimes he wanted to end it as well, to fall into the hands of death. But he was suddenly afraid to push through it. He was afraid to forget you, to never see you again even as he closes his eyes. He was scared to lose his precious memories of you.

Because all of it was beautiful in his eyes.

And now as he lays in bed, he doesn’t know what hurts and haunts him more; the nightmares of his past life, or the constant dreams he has of you and your beautiful smile.

#bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs angst #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs angst #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd #bsd angst #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #bsd dazai angst

[evieonic]

Hi there, if you're comfortable writing about fairy tail, I have an idea about natsu getting tickled by lucy's celestial spirits (like loke, capricorn, etc) XD, it would mean a lot if you wanna write it! thanks!

Natsu's Cure for Boredom (Published:  10/21/2021)

Pairing: Natsu/Lucy/Loke/Virgo (Platonic)

Fandom: Fairy Tail

Trigger Warning: None.

Length: 1494 Words, 1 Chapter. Completed.

Platforms: Ao3 (Link in Title)

Summary: Natsu is bored to death due to the Guild having a lack of requests. So what better way to cure his boredom then by annoying Lucy? Lee! Natsu + Ler! Lucy, Ler! Loke, Ler! Virgo ORIGINAL POST: Heck yeah, I can write that. It's been a looong time since I've watched fairy tail tho, i really need to rewatch it but I can probably do that. XD It'll be a while before I'm able to complete though so when I post the story, I'll edit this post with the story and then post a separate post that has a referral link to this. I hope that makes sense. XD

Also do you want this to be romantic or platonic, I'm going to assume at the moment that you don't have a preference, but if you do or have something specific in mind, lemme know. UPDATED WITH STORY AS OF: 10/21/2021

“If you poke my leg one more time,” Lucy threatened without even glancing at the salamander, “I swear, you will regret it.”

She could practically feel the mischievous Natsu narrow his eyes at her suspiciously, obviously very, very, tempted to see what would happen if he kept going.

All Lucy wanted to do was at least finish this one chapter she was working on. She was almost done, just a few more paragraphs and her writing quota would be complete for the day and she could do whatever Natsu wanted her to do. Most likely to do something to just keep his bored mind from getting the best of him. And keep him from bullying Gray. Gray wouldn’t last long with the mage’s needy demands.

There had been a low supply of quests for the Guild to do for the past few months. There were in fact so few that you’d really have to flock the board to snag one. No one really knew why this was going on, but thanks to this, Natsu and the others hadn’t had anything to do for a looong time.

Natsu didn’t do well with having nothing to do.

Lucy continued to write away with her pen in hand, making great progress when she finally felt the sharp poke in her leg that she knew was coming. She let out a long sigh while Natsu laughed triumphantly. “Ha! Got you! Take that!” He said giddily, “now, what are ya gonna do? Kick me out?”

Lucy glared at his smug face. He knew damn well that she couldn’t kick him out, because if she did, Natsu would annoy Gray, and then the whole world would end.

She would need to do something that both punished him and kept his attention.

Thankfully, a genius idea came to her at that moment. She smirked, her evil grin sending off the warning bells in Natsu’s head.

“No-” he began, but it was too late. Lucy had pulled out her key for both Virgo and Leo and immediately summoned them. “Nooo!” He begged. Oh, he knew what was coming. Lucy had used this trick on him before to get him to calm down. It helped distract him from the never ending boredom that consumed his mind. And while he acted as if the trick was torturous to him…

They both knew he actually loved it.

The small little smile on his lips proved it.

The second the two of them appeared, Lucy set them to work. “Leo! Virgo! Fingers ready?”

“Lucy, please!” Natsu tried again, but she could see his eyes twinkle with excitement.

Leo cracked his knuckles, a playful smirk on his face, “Natsu annoying you again, Lucy?”

“Natsu-san, you really need to learn your lesson,” Virgo scolded, not quite understanding that Natsu actually loved their punishment. “You should know better by now.”

Natsu began to twiddle his fingers, slowly stepping away from them, “hey, listen, if Lucy started paying attention to me, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Well, I would if you gave me enough time to finish this!” Lucy glared, putting her hands on her hips. Natsu only stuck his tongue out at her.

Well, that’s it then! Time for him to get what he deserves.

“Get him!” Lucy ordered and as if an actual battle was commencing, Natsu was scrambling away from them as Leo and Virgo both broke into a run, attempting to chase him down. He shrieked, running around her dining room table, before running back to the right since Leo was coming his way. A giggle fluttered out of his lips as he watched Virgo trap him on the right side of the table, forcing him to turn around and attempt to go through the kitchen.

Unfortunately for him, Leo was already on him, forcing him to run back to the living room, hoping for a chance to get away but Leo pounced, tackling them both onto the couch.

“No, please!” he begged, struggling against Leo’s grasp as he was pinned to the couch, “I’ve done nothing wrong!”

“You know what you did, Natsu,” Virgo sighed like a disappointed mother, peering down at him as he glared at Leo, “Just accept your punishment.”

“I refuse!” Natsu turned his stare to her, trying once more to pull a strong face, but it immediately crumbled as Virgo pulled out a feather, lightly tickling it against his neck. Damn them for knowing his weak spot. “Stoahahap!” He giggled, snorting and trying to protect his neck from the feather, “dahahamn you, bohohoth!”

“You’re at fault for this,” Leo smirked, carefully letting go of Natsu’s wrists as his hands went to his ribs, gently counting the bones there in silent warning of what’s to come, “Virgo! Can you remember all of his spots?”

Virgo ceased her work, suddenly holding a clipboard in hand that Natsu had no idea where she got it from, “let’s see.... His neck is the worst, then his ribs, underneath his arms.”

“Lie-eeees!” Natsu shrieked at the end of his word, Leo suddenly scribbling his hands on the sensitive skin, his body squirming from the feeling as he laughed, his voice practically echoing off the walls.

“His sides and his feet,” Virgo continued, ignoring him completely. “And… that’s it, I think.”

“Wh-Wh- ahAHAHA!” Natsu broke down, trying so hard to speak, but Leo was giving him no chance. He tried again, “Wh-Where… ehehahaha- gehehet liiisst- ahahaha!”

“Secrets that only maids need to know,” Virgo answered, putting the clipboard away. “Now, shall we continue?”

Before Natsu could make any protest, Virgo’s delicate and cold fingers began tickling his neck, her fingers gently scribbling against the sensitive skin, making him squeal and giggle like a child. “NOHOHOHO!”

“Ah, you’ve lost your right to forfeit,” Leo smiled, though the threat was empty.

��Leeeooo- ahahahah!” Natsu whined, wiggling against his fingers, the attack trailing up to underneath his arms, his cackling getting worse. He dug into the sensitive flesh, making the salamander squirm and whine.

“PLEHEHEHESE!” He cackled, “I’LL… I’LL DO ANYTHIEHEHENG!”

“Ahh,” Virgo hummed, “he’s making the ‘anything’ offer.”

“I know,” Leo smirked, “I don’t think he realizes that we know he means he’ll do nothing.”

Natsu whined, kicking his feet, silently begging them to release him, but they all knew he actually loved the feeling of it all. It made him relax, it preoccupied his mind, it gave him a reason to smile… he didn’t want it to end despite his words.

And that’s what Lucy wanted him to admit.

“You know if you just told us you wanted us to do this, it’d be a lot easier,” she said, getting up from her chair and abandoning her work as she sat down on the floor at the couch, peering at Natsu’s red, smiling face. “Just admit you like this.”

“Nehehehever!” He declared, giggling as Virgo changed tactics, teasing his under arms, while Leo moved back to his sides, squeezing the soft flash hard and rapid, making the poor boy underneath him nearly choke on his giggles.

“So then what if I told them to stop?” She teased, holding up her hand, signaling for the spirits to cease. They did so almost immediately, giving Natsu a chance to breathe… and appear panicked.

“H-Huh?” He whined slightly, glancing around them, “we’re done?”

“Yep,” Lucy shrugged, “you don’t like the tickling so… might as well stop.”

Natsu’s eyes flickered from confusion to disappointment to panic. Now she had him where she wanted him.

“W-Well… probably shouldn’t call them back so soon because I’m just going to do it again,” he threatened, frowning as he folded his arms protectively over his chest.

“Eh, I think I’ll just kick you out,” she said, much to Natsu’s surprise. “Tickling isn’t working so kicking you out should.”

“Wha-?! But… But-!” Natsu stammered as the two ticklers suddenly left his side, “b-but wait!”

“Hmm?” Lucy smirked, “what is it?”

His mouth opened and closed for a bit, his eyes nervously flickering from the ground back to her eyes. He didn’t like admitting a weakness.

Lucy smiled encouragingly. He grumbled, playing with his thumbs before finally…

“W-What if I do like it?”

“Well, do you?” Lucy teased.

Natsu pouted, “w-well maybe I do!”

“That’s not an answer, Natsu.”

“Fine!” He huffed, “I like it, okAAYY- AHAHAHAH!” The second he admitted it, the spirits returned to his side, their hands returning to the previous spots, scribbling and squeezing, lighting his tingly nerves once again. “Wh-Wha-Whahahahat?!”

“You admitted that you liked it, so why should I deny you anymore?” Lucy smiled.

“You’re sohohhoho mean!” Natsu cackled, panting and wheezing with their attacks. Lucy smiled as she watched him crumble to the feeling, smiling more gleefully now that he was getting what he wanted.

If only he could actually confess his desires, he could get this a lot quicker and a lot easier than bothering Lucy.

Oh well…, at least in the end, he still gets his cure to boredom.

#tickle fic #tickling #fic request #anon ask #fairy tail #Natsu fairy tail #lucy fairy tail #loke fairy tail #leo fairy tail #virgo fairy tail #natsu/lucy/loke/virgo #platonic #fluffy #short and sweet #soft and sweet #also posted on ao3 #tickle punishment #Lee! Natsu #Ler! Lucy #Ler! Loke #Ler! Virgo

[twoidiotwriters1]

June, 1976 (WITT One-Shot)

A/N: If you want to remain in the taglist pls interact with this one-shot even if you haven’t read book 4-5 yet. A like or a comment is fine, the people who don’t want to continue reading obvsly do not interact and I’ll delete from the taglist :) -Danny

Words: 2,590

Series’ Masterlist

Emily was tired, but she'd spent all day overthinking and she was done, it was time to grow up.

She could hear Lily Evans' voice ushering Severus Snape away, he'd been coming around for several hours during the day trying to apologize, but he'd finally crossed a line.

"It's not your fault, you know?"

Matthew's voice caught her attention, he'd stopped at the foot of the stairs, one hand propped on the wall.

"Snape and Evans have been fighting for months now, I think it's because of what he's been doing with the Slytherins... you know, the cult stuff."

Emily averted her gaze to the fireplace.

"I know..."

Matthew hesitated, he'd promised himself that he wouldn't go back to being Emily's therapist, but something was different this time, it wasn't her usual kind of sulking.

"Are you okay?"

She looked at him over her shoulder and frowned.

"I'm not the one who got called 'mudblood' by a close friend."

"No, you weren't," He admitted. "Which is why it's so strange to see you all sad."

"I'm not sad."

"Is this about James?"

He didn't want to know, but alas, he'd asked.

"No," She made a face. "I don't think I care about him that way anymore."

"It's easier said than done," Matthew crossed his arms, his shoulder now leaning on the archway of the stairs.

"What do you want, Ruddy?" Emily groaned.

"I don't want anything from you," The boy replied. "But I have the feeling that you need to talk."

"I do," She said. "Not with you, though."

Matt nodded, he sighed.

"Good luck, then, have a good night."

"'Night."

Emily watched him disappear up the stairs, she didn't know why, but the memory of his burning gaze before he kissed her came back then, his intense determination as he held her closer... That moment Emily had found herself unable to move away, to say no. She wished she had his courage to just do stuff even when he was intimidated by them, she needed that kind of bravery tonight.

Lily Evans entered the tower two minutes later, Emily stood up abruptly and the redhead came to a halt.

For a moment none of them spoke, then Lily's face showed tons of fatigue.

"What now? Is it your turn to call me a stuck-up bore because I didn't agree to go out with Potter?"

Emily shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Can we talk?" She asked shyly. "I promise it's not a trick... I'm sorry."

Emily's behaviour towards her was usually hostile, tonight her voice was gentle, and even a little afraid.

"You're sorry?"

"I don't expect you to believe me," Emily continued, lowering her gaze. "I know you and Snape were close — I don't understand how can you like him... listen I suck at apologies, can't you just say it's alright so we can go to bed?"

Lily crossed her arms, standing straighter.

"No, I think I want you to try harder."

Emily groaned, she sat down heavily and started to think her words carefully, Lily inched closer.

"Boys can be cruel when they're not thinking — Anyone, really... I've been brutal myself — Matthew and I almost stopped being friends a few months ago, because I don't like talking about my feelings," She laughed dryly. "I don't know what is it about today that it just... I don't want to be a tormentor my whole life, let alone to someone who is... tolerable. I'm sorry for making your life a living hell these past few years."

Lily sat down, although she kept the seat between them empty to keep some distance.

"You didn't make my life a living hell," She replied. "I... can admit you're a bit clever... even likeable — that last match when you threw Lewis a bludger after he called you a midget... it was kind of funny."

"The boys walked me everywhere that week, they thought Ernest was going to try and get back at me," Emily bit her lip, but she was now smiling. "I mean, I lived in fear for days! Thinking he would spike my drink at some point with poison or something... Until Matthew cornered him outside D.A.D.A. class one day, poor Lewis... he looked so small in comparison..."

"Anyone looks small next to Matthew, he's a giant," Lily grinned. "Well, if it's any consolation, I was planning on murdering you in a much classier manner than poison, but since you've apologized, I guess I won't have to kill you after all."

Emily snorted, her eyes lingered on Lily, who looked like she'd been crying for most of the day, and yet still had enough energy to sit down and talk with the girl she'd detested for the last four years.

"Why are you being nice?" She asked in annoyance. "I mean I'm glad you're kind of accepting my apology, but I thought you'd be a bit colder, walking away before I could even finish..."

"What kind of person do you think I am?" Lily raised a brow, with the orange light coming from the fireplace her green eyes looked far more intense than usual. "If I'm honest, you should thank Remus... he's tried to convince me that you lot are far better than you look..."

Emily sighed, when she was young she'd do mischief for fun, but now that she was older, and considering all the weird stuff that was happening outside the school, she was starting to think that maybe her group of friends were indeed changing for the best.

"I'm going to be honest with you too, Evans," The girl took a deep breath. "Being the only girl in my friend group is turning out to be pure torture. I'm in desperate need of a girlfriend."

Lily's mouth twitched a bit, but she didn't laugh.

"What makes you think I want to be your friend?"

"Oh, I don't think you want to," She raised a brow. "But maybe if we're on good terms I'd be able to ask you for a tampon without having to swallow my pride first."

Lily did laugh at this, she shook her head. "Holy Merlin, Sultens, you're loopy."

"You would be too if you were seated next to Sirius every day!" She paused. "So... are you willing to make peace?"

Lily examined her carefully, four long years of quarrels sat between them, but a lifetime of friendship could be ahead if Emily was truly sorry. She was a nice girl, and really smart too, she was annoying only when she was taunting Severus, and he was no longer her friend.

Lily stretched out her hand.

"Very well, but if you go back the deal is over and we'll be less than strangers, understood?"

"Sure."

She retreated her hand before Emily could grab it.

"Hang on — this is not Potter's idea, right? You're not trying to be my friend just so I date him later?"

"Lily, if anything I hope you and James never date," Emily snickered. "Nothing personal, you're just way too good for him."

"...Alright."

They shook hands, she'd meant what she said about it not being personal. James was a boy, a very silly one at that, and even though they were really close friends, Emily was no longer a blind supporter of his doings.

Funnily enough, this seemed to be related to Matthew, she couldn't stop thinking about that kiss! Merlin, he was a good kisser...

She shook the thought away, now was not the time for nonsense.

"I'm very honoured to be your acquaintance, Evans," Emily grinned.

"Call me Lily. Only Professors call me Evans... and Potter, but you know I hate that."

"Got it, Lils."

July 1996

"...I don't think this is right," Mel tilted her head. "Brownies are mean to be brown... not pitch-black."

"You burned them," Harry was standing behind them with his arms crossed, clearly upset.

"How could you burn them, Erick? They were in there for five minutes!"

"Are you sure..." Erick stabbed the mixture with a knife and made a face. "Ugh — they're still liquid in the middle!"

"How the fuck did you do this?"

"I thought it would work just the same if I doubled the heat and put less time," Erick sulked. "Ovens are weird."

"This is why we told you to stay out of it," Harry replied. "You don't know how muggle stuff work."

"I do know!"

"Then why did you burn the brownies?"

"Don't fight," Mel intervened, grabbing the platter and throwing its contents away. "Oh well, at least we ruined my birthday cake and not someone else's..."

"That's not okay," Harry frowned. "You should have a proper cake."

Mel looked at him and grinned. "I'll eat yours, then."

"How's everything going in here?" Emily walked in, behind her Lupin followed.

"Uncle Lu!" Mel rushed over to his side and hugged him, the man chuckled. "You came!"

"Well, hadn't been around for your birthday in a long time, I thought you'd like it," He said, lovingly patting her back.

"I do," She beamed. "We kind of ruined the cake, though, so we should buy doughnuts or something."

"It's a good thing I brought this, then," Lupin lifted his bag and placed it on the table, inside there was a beautifully adorned red velvet cake.

"You just saved my birthday!"

Harry and Erick shared a moody expression and grumbled complaints, Lupin laughed.

"The kids insisted on doing the cakes this year," Emily explained. "I told them it was not an easy job, but they insisted."

"Mel and I have done this before, Erick was the one who wanted to be in charge when he can't even make tea without magic," Harry glared at him.

"Muggles stuff are too complicated, alright?" He huffed.

"I don't mind," Mel said without paying attention to them, she was still beyond happy with her uncle's presence. "I wanted to give my mum a break, Leggie's been a bit hard to handle lately..."

"Is he?" Lupin looked at the little boy Emily was holding. "Is he ill?"

"No, he just cries a lot," The woman sighed. "Wakes us up every night."

"I thought that forcing my mother to bake when she's clearly too tired to be doing anything apart from feeding a baby was a crime," Mel stated. "So I took care of it."

"Then Flint messed it up," Harry taunted.

"And then you fixed it, Uncle Moony," The girl smiled. "So there's no harm done, right boys?"

She looked over her shoulder, raising a brow as if urging them to stop bickering before they embarrassed her in front of Lupin. Both mumbled their agreement, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Lovely," Mel looked back at the adults. "Who wants lunch?"

Mel and Erick were in the kitchen talking in hurried whispers, she appeared to be upset, the young man too. Emily and Remus were in the drawing-room, Harry was upstairs changing Reg's diaper.

"Do you know why they're arguing?" Remus asked, staring at the pair.

"Dumbledore came by this morning before breakfast," Emily sighed, leaning her head back on the couch. "Talked about this mission he had for Erick — you know how eager to help that boy is... so of course the old man came and put his offer on a silver platter, and Mel won't let Erick go on his own, so being the generous soul Dumbledore is," She said sarcastically, "He said she could go too if she wanted to."

"Really?" Remus frowned. "Well... he's been giving her lessons for years, Mily, perhaps he knows she can handle it."

"I don't care," She said bluntly. "That's my daughter, my daughter. Matt's daughter. How can he continue to risk my family's life like it's nothing?"

"You know Matthew did all he that because he wanted to, Dumbledore had nothing to do with his decisions."

"I know," Emily took a deep breath. "But he's got a lot to do with Mel's... she idolizes him."

"You think so?" The man looked over his shoulder again, staring at his goddaughter.

"I don't see why else she'd be so keen to follow his orders..."

"Maybe because she feels guilty?" Remus offered. "After what happened in the ministry..."

Emily pressed her lips together, she didn't want to talk about that.

"That's not her fault and she knows it. I told her it wasn't."

"You weren't there," He said gravely. "She went out of control. I had never seen anything like it, her magic was dark— I mean that literally. All the spells she did came out pitch-black. Dumbledore was the only one who could put a stop to it."

Emily's eyes grew worried, she looked over her shoulder as well and her gaze landed on Mel.

"You think it could be the same thing that Ariana Dumbledore had? That disease?"

"No one knows what happened to her," Remus said. "Not even Matthew knew, and he was part of the family... but it could be. Maybe Dumbledore knows something we don't, maybe this will help her... perhaps she needs this."

Emily stayed silent for a moment, then she groaned.

"I hate that we're always meant to trust him blindly."

"He's lived a hundred years, he might be wiser than all of us, don't you think?"

The woman scoffed, she looked ahead, deep in thought.

"A hundred years... Matthew couldn't even make it to twenty-one! James and Lily barely did... Sirius spent twelve years in Azkaban — But at least we all knew how the war looked like then, Remus. We fought for years... my daughter just turned sixteen, she still goes to school!"

"And yet she's already done her fair amount of fighting," The man raised a brow. "We didn't have the experiences she's gone through when we were her age. I stand with Dumbledore, she can do this."

"I'm not saying she can't," Emily grabbed the empty plates to take them to the kitchen. "I'm saying she shouldn't have to sacrifice her youth. Dumbledore asks for too much, I'm sure he's got someone else that could help him with the mission, but he's obsessed with making Mel his perfect copy."

Remus didn't try to argue back, little could convince Emily at this point, she'd never been a fan of Dumbledore, and after Matt's death it was no secret that she openly disliked him, but she still followed his orders, because she knew Dumbledore was the only chance they had to win this war.

Mel and Erick entered the room, neither of them angry, which made Remus think they had reached an agreement.

"I should leave," The man stood up. "Leon's been quiet, maybe Harry managed to make him sleep."

"Or maybe he's just playing with him," Emily stood up as well. "Really, I never thought Harry would get so attached to a baby..."

"I'll miss you, Uncle Lu, I hope to see you soon," Mel said, her eyes avoiding to look into Erick's direction.

"Me too, little Em," Remus hugged her tightly, he whispered in her ear. "Be good to your mother, alright?"

Mel looked at him with confusion, but she nodded anyway.

"So?" Emily crossed her arms. "What are you going to do?"

The young witch stared at her mother, Remus knew that expression. It was true and very strange, how she could have her dad's gaze even though her eyes were exactly like her mother's, but he knew that look, he'd seen it in Matt the last time they had spoken. Mel was done being a kid.

Taglist.

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @wlwmaximoff @reverse-hxlland @omiwashere @t-rexs-world @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @21bruhs @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @dielgonacoffee​ @thelastpyle @hamiltonwc

#twoidiots writing #hp fanfic #hp hidden moments #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter xoc #WITT fic

[tarotjourney2021]

The Spiritual Community is getting on my nerves

Spirituality is weird, it's like a cult, but without giving it the title. It creeps on you, very vague, hidden, and tucked away. Wouldn't tell you much, but suggests it. Suggests it so obviously, right in front of my face, but it makes you question if I've imagined it, or if I am the kind of person who believes in such things.

I could almost swear, I've had an awakening. I was me one minute, the next minute this me has become a cast-away image of a blind confused person. The one way I can describe it, is 'I woke up'. There is a transformation happening that I cannot put in words, and as big as the earthquake that happened, everything and everyone else look exactly the same.

I almost feel like I have come to realizations, not that I am a scientist or special or anything, that I thought, of course, everyone else realized the same thing, but when I talk to them, I can see very clearly that they are similar to the old me. But I have changed, oooh I have changed, in what seems to be a split second... but when I look back, I know it started very subtly a very long time ago. All the signs were there, I was pulled to things that I have rationalized away, but underneath it all, it's all been there, but I didn't see it, I couldn't see it.

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. In 2nd grade, I was already built-in with the desire to not be here. I never wanted to be here, never wanted to be alive. I know this sounds suicidal and for a while, I thought I was, but I wasn't. I just don't care to be here, I so don't care to be here, that I couldn't believe how much work you need to put in, just to be alive. Dealing with other people, people in my own family, weighed so much on me. My mother was terrifying. She was always upset. She blamed everything in life on us, she was miserable because of us. Everything was terrible because of us. I believed her when I was a child, I believed that I was to blame for everything. I carried the shame she wanted me to carry. I still carry some of it, the logical side of my brain still likes to carry some guilt, as a precaution ... just in case in some psychological analysis, it turns out that I contributed to her being who she is.

I heard a few people say, that everything in my life, I have manifested. This, on some level, makes sense. I do believe in past and upcoming lives, and in souls reincarnating themselves in different people. This sounds crazy to the person I used to be, in my religion, it wasn't mentioned, and not you weren't supposed to be asking too many questions.

At this moment, it makes much more sense to me how manifestation works, because if I have manifested everything in my life, even the painful things, from a previous life, or karma from a previous life. I have a side of me that can be cruel, really, brutal. I probably unleashed that part in a previous life. And now I am paying for it in my health, my mental health, and my physical health. I am 36, and I feel like I barely lived, because I've always been sick. Terrible migraines, that would stay for days, I couldn't do anything. The pain was always the most terrible pain I would ever have. I feared it so much. I still do.

Then with time, my mental health started declining too. I have been depressed. Bed-ridden depressed for months. The act that I would put up to hide it, you would think I am Angelina Jolie in 'Salt', very well and able of hiding her emotions. But many times, I wouldn't bother hiding it, even from people at work, I just didn't have the strength. Hiding things requires strength, a lot of emotional strength, that has been waining. In one of Anodea Judith's books, she talks about the demon of the throat chakra, lies. And my throat chakra has been blocked, that's the one thing it was apparent was blocked. I couldn't stop stuttering. It was embarrassing. It is still embarrassing when I do it, but luckily I don't stutter as much anymore, I think people barely notice it. Most people.

But I had to lie, cause no one would understand. My life ended up being dependent on it, no one could know what I was doing, everything was illegal. Anything that strikes a beautiful chord with you is illegal. You can't love, you definitely can't fall in love with someone outside your religion. It's illegal, there is a punishment, you could lose your life for falling in love under their law. You can't have pleasure, that too is illegal. Your body is a sin to be covered. Your voice as well, shut that up too. They had all their twisted absurdities to explain it all away. I don't think any of them actually tried thinking. Why would they? Their brain is only designed as a vessel to memorize what they have been told, it's a memory reserve. Even though productivity rule #1, is that your brain is not made for storing things, it is made to think. But how dare I think and cast doubt, I must submit. To who? To them?

Anyways, I lied so many times, I used up my reserve of lies, it's like that Denzel Washington in that pilot movie, he couldn't tell one more lie. Just one more lie to save himself from prison. I defended my lies, I was lying to protect my right to live, really live. And now I am unable to tell any more lies, about who I am, what I think, and what I feel. If you ask me, I would tell you, I have no energy left to hold up a lie anymore, to polish anything. Most people can handle a bit of bluntness, even when you take them aback. They call me open, honest, and vulnerable. I doubt I am any of these, I am just tired, too tired to play along.

I think I have paid quite a bit of my karmic debt, that's why I have earned this new beginning, and have earned my depression letting go of me a bit, even though it does like to glare at me from a distance, it is quite unnerving, especially with me being the only one who can see it. If it strikes again, I know I will have to either go back to the everything-is-okay dance, even with myself or bare it all again, how embarrassing.

Anyways, back to the title of this post, my gripe with the spiritual community. It doesn't seem to acknowledge mental health issues. It almost acts as if I am imagining my depression, that it is not real. Sounds too close for comfort to the religion I grew up in, several religions in fact. It is something 'we tell ourselves. A couple of spiritual guides and healers have said something similar, including my therapist if I can call what she does therapy. Healing is a more appropriate word, it insinuates what to expect, but she kept using the word therapy, that I thought someone who does therapy is a therapist.

I need a real therapist, and maybe have a healer on the side to add extra polish. I can't entirely rely on her to help me back on my feet.

I was offended, by their views on mental health, very condescending and problematic. It made me realized how much of a religion-like religion this is. They wouldn't call themselves part of a religion though, not openly. But the similarities are too obvious. The same religious structure with a few edits, the same look rebranded to fit with the times. I just ran away from one religion, and I am all too eager to jump into the next one. But I do like to adopt a 'scientist' mentality, which is an archetype of the way of thinking. Apparently, this mentality doesn't like to rule out any possibility, listens to all arguments, and just proceeds with what makes sense at the time, but when more evidence tip the scale in one direction, then they are open to change their minds and adopt the better-proven theory. It is difficult for a Taurus to change her mind about something, that's probably part of the reason why I am having such a hard time fully accepting this. This new spiritual world, and count myself part of it. Me and those weirdos belong to the same club? No.

Sometimes I am all in, just today I was browsing Etsy for more crystals believing those bracelets can cast their magic on me. I want to go to New Orleans, to get to know the black magic community there and elsewhere. Wanting to buy candles from witches, believing that the mix of my magic and theirs would do the trick. Who am I? This is absurd.

I do believe though that there is a part of the spiritual community that would work for me. I need to find my tribe, just like I am looking to find my tribe among the physical world. I feel like I am almost there, even though I still feel so alone and isolated, I almost feel dead.

One thing the spiritual community needs to do more of, is to talk like they got some sense. They say too many ridiculous things for me to take in all at once. I am a beginner here, talk to me like I am a muggle. Also, fake spiritual people should seriously stop it, they are ruining it for everybody.

#spiritualawakening #spirituality #spiritual journey #tarot cards #tarotdaily #fools journey #tarotcommunity #spiritual community #tarot

[orange-waterfalls]

May I Have This Dance?

Yancy x gender neutral!reader

@speedyprofessionalpandaweasel ty for the request

A/N: Idk if anyone actually reads these. I don't. Reader is a shy little bitch. Like me! Yancy is a COWARD w/feelings. Mark is the best of wingmen. No cursing. I've been pretty good about that recently. Rated G because literally NOTHING happens besides a dance and the mention of a shank once or twice. This is a soft one, I think. Enjoy!

Word Count: 1.9k

--

You leaned your cheek on your hand and gazed at Yancy from across the cafeteria. You traced his features with your eyes, implementing them into your brain. He laughed and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

You had fallen in love with the prisoner over the time you’d been at Happy Trails Penitentiary. You and your friend Mark had spent your first few weeks trying to escape but gave up after some guards threw you in solitary. Who knew the box would have a fairy in it? And who knew she’d be such a chatterbox?

You both decided it wasn’t worth the effort to try and escape, and that you might as well stay in prison. It wasn't so bad. The staff seemed to like you guys, and you had each other. 2-5 years didn’t seem that long.

Then you met a prisoner by the name of Yancy. He had greeted you two a couple of weeks after you showed up. He showed you around the prison, introduced you to some other inmates, and gave you both prison shanks, just in case. You didn’t think much of him.

Then you heard him sing.

And he was suddenly the love of your life.

You were in solitary(you’d picked a fight with a guard who made fun of Mark) when you heard something. Someone, actually. You heard a beautiful voice singing nearby, and you wanted to know who it was. You leaned your ear against the wall, listening. It was better than sitting in silence. Eventually, a guard came and got you. You looked around and saw a door to another cell. It seemed to be where the sound was coming from. You asked the guard who was in the other cell.

“There? Probably Yancy. He gets thrown in there a lot.” he explained. “I feel kinda bad for the kid…”

You started to pay attention to Yancy. He was smart, funny, caring… at least, that’s what you saw. He did have a few anger issues, but nothing really severe. You began to develop feelings for him. From a distance.

“Can you not stare at your crush for five seconds?” a voice snapped you out of your trance. You pulled your head up and saw Mark looking at you weirdly.

“W-What?” You stuttered, embarrassed at being caught. Mark rolled his eyes.

“Are you ever gonna tell him you like him?” He asked. You looked back over at Yancy.

He smiled at something someone else said and you got a warm feeling. He turned to you, catching you staring at him. Your eyes widened and you flushed, turning back to your food. You looked up at Mark a few times and he sighed in annoyance. He looked over where Yancy was for a second before tapping on your tray. You took that as a “he’s not looking anymore” and looked at Mark, who was still waiting for you to respond.

“Uh… probably not…” You answered. He sighed.

“You are the most awkward person I know… and I’m me!” He teased. You both laughed. Mark looked back at Yancy and smirked. “He’s looking over here…” the YouTuber said in a sing-song voice. You tilted your head a bit before looking back at the group. Sure enough, Yancy was looking over at you two, but he looked away and pretended to laugh at something when he was caught. You blushed and turned back to Mark.

“He probably just… thinks I’m weird for staring at him…” you mumbled. Mark raised an eyebrow.

“We’re in prison, Y/N. If he had a problem with you staring at him, we’d probably be in the infirmary right now,” He claimed. You shrugged. He saw your sad face and sighed. You looked up at him, frowning.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing…” He sat his chin on his palm. “Just thinking…”

--

Yancy stood in the yard, shank ready in case he needed it. One of the more recent inmates said they needed to talk to him. Privately.

Now, in most cases, he would’ve denied this request. He didn’t know them, he couldn’t trust them. Might as well not even bother. But this inmate was different. This one was friends with someone he intended to get close to. Someone he’d started to like over the short months they’d been there.

He figured that was a good enough reason to take the chance.

He did keep Jimmy nearby in case things got bad.

Yancy heard a noise and turned towards it. Mark entered the yard and walked towards him. He puffed up his chest, trying to look intimidating. Yancy found it funny.

“Ight. What’d youse wanna talk about?” He asked. Mark cleared his throat before speaking.

“Yancy, do you like my friend?” Mark asked. Yancy’s eyes widened for a moment before he re-composed himself.

“What’s it to youse?” He said, his face tinted pink. Mark rolled his eyes.

“They like you too. They’re just too shy to admit it,” He explained. Yancy smiled slightly at the news. “And, apparently, you’re too much of a coward to admit it…” Mark said under his breath. It wasn’t very much appreciated, and Yancy frowned as he took a step towards the other man.

“Now, hold on, youse thinks youse can just--” His intimidating speech was cut off by Mark groaning.

“Yeah, I know, you’re a tough guy, I can’t talk to you like that, blah, blah, blah…” He said, annoyed. Yancy flushed. “I’m only telling you this so that Y/N can stop feeling so depressed and you can stop being so weird around each other.” Yancy scoffed and crossed his arms.

“And how do I know youse ain’t jus’ trying to embarrass me?” He glowered. Mark sighed and looked at the ground, shuffling his feet.

“I just… want my friend to be happy…” He mumbled. Yancy’s face softened as he watched the man. He exhaled through his nose.

He seemed to be genuine, but Yancy was still worried. What if this was all a trick? An elaborate trick to embarrass him in front of his friends? His family?

But… what if it was real? What if you did like him and he could finally do all the couple-y things that people do? Holding hands, cuddling, kissing…

Oh, God, how long had it been since he kissed someone?

“Alright…” He growled. Mark looked at him and smiled. He lunged forward, hugging Yancy. Yancy, who thought this was a fight and had brought out his shank, froze.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Mark asked as he pulled away. Yancy shook his head.

“I’m fine,” he insisted. “Did youse have a plan or somethin'?” Mark smiled and started to giggle.

“Oh, I’m glad you asked,” He giggled, “Just leave it to ol’ Markimoo. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

--

“This… isn’t exactly what I had in mind…” Yancy said carefully as he looked around the room.

Mark had somehow convinced the warden to let him have candles, rose petals, a record player?! How much did he suck up to these people?

“Yeah… it is a bit much…” He admitted while scratching his head. “But if I know Y/N, and I do, they’re a sucker for serenades.”

“You… You want me to serenade them?” Yancy said in disbelief.

“Yes! They love your voice, it’s the reason they started paying attention to you. I’m sure they’d be happy no matter how you confessed, but this makes it more special!” He explained enthusiastically. How many rom-coms did this man watch?

Yancy groaned and looked at the room again. This seemed… a bit much…

“I don’t know…” he sighed. Mark frowned.

“Yancy.” He said sternly. Yancy raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you love Y/N?”

“Yes…” Yancy responded hesitantly.

“I said,” Mark raised his voice, “Do you love Y/N?”

“Yes!”

“Do you think they deserve love?”

“Of course!”

“Do you think you’re good enough for them?” Yancy paused.

“Uh…”

“Good enough,” Mark patted Yancy on the shoulder, “Just… do your best! It’ll be great!” He jogged to the back of the room and ducked behind a box. Yancy squinted at him and furrowed his eyebrows. Mark waved his hands, urging him to pay attention to the entrance. Yancy rolled his eyes but turned towards the door. You walked in about a minute later.

“So, Mark, what did you-” You froze when you saw Yancy standing in the middle of the room.

Rose petals covered the floor, along with a few boxes. A record player sat nearby, and it started playing slow jazz music when you walked in. The only light source was a few candles that illuminated his face with a dim, yellow light. It looked like a dream.

You hoped you would wake up before it got too weird.

“Hi,” Yancy greeted, his hands behind his back.

“H-Hi,” You said quietly, keeping your arms straight at your sides.

Yancy looked back at Mark, who gave him a thumbs up. The song’s lyrics were about to begin, so Yancy took a deep breath. He saw your confused and kind of scared face and exhaled all of his breath, missing the lyric cue. This wasn’t gonna work. A serenade would be too much, too fast. For him, at least. He wanted to save that. So what was he supposed to do? He could feel Mark glaring at him, and you were shuffling in place awkwardly. Yancy looked down at his feet, wondering what to do.

Then, an idea popped into his head.

“Youse ever… seen me dance?” Yancy asked suddenly. You blinked, not exactly processing the question at first.

“No… I can’t say that I have, no…” You said.

He smiled and walked towards you. You were a bit worried about what he was going to do. You were in prison, after all.

He held his hand out to you. You looked at it, and then at him. You tilted your head. He chuckled and shook his head as you blushed.

“May I have this dance?” He asked and bowed, hand still extended. You hesitated for a moment before slowly taking his hand.

He gently tugged you to the center of the room. He laid one hand on your waist and moved one of your hands to his shoulder. He interlocked both of your other hands. You blushed and looked down, making him chuckle.

“Hey, no need to be shy… it’s just us here…” He consoled. You looked past him at Mark, who quickly ducked behind the box. “Well, yeah, he’s here too…” You both laugh a bit.

The two of you didn’t exactly dance. Moreso, you rocked back and forth on your feet. It didn’t really matter to either of you. You spent most of the night just talking about yourselves. Learning about each other looked like the best thing to do. You talked, you joked, you gazed dreamily into each other’s eyes…

It was wonderful.

When the night was over, you walked Yancy back to his cell.

“I coulda walked youse back to youse’s cell…” He murmured. You laughed.

“Yeah, but… I figure you get in enough trouble as it is… I wouldn’t want you getting caught…” You explained. He blushed at your thoughtfulness. “You can walk me next time.”

“Uh… th-thanks…” He stuttered. You took his face in your hands and looked into his eyes. You didn’t move for a moment, waiting to see if he’d pull away. He didn’t, so you went ahead and gave him a small peck on the lips. He stared at you after you pulled back.

“Goodnight, Yancy…” You smiled at him as you walked away. He gave you a small wave before walking back into his cell and flopping on the bed. He smiled up when he thought about what you said.

Next time…

God, he hoped there’d be a next time...

I finished this at 11:00 pm I'm so tired

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