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callmelola111 · 8 months

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loser!ellie ♡ dating app headcanons

synopsis: totally sfw hc’s of loser!ellie (modern au) on dating apps, including a cute little 1st date scenario. basically just pure fluff !!!

| 𓆣 | pairing & wc: ellie williams x reader. wc: 1.4k

a/n: never written headcanons before, crazy ass shit. idk if i did it exactly right but i think it will be an entertaining read no matter what. i’ve recently caved and downloaded hinge which is what inspired this---but there’s only like 40 gay bitches on there and that’s it (also like no mascs?? i’m attracted to any kind of non-man but still,,, the shortage is real y’all). ALSO let me know if this is something you’d like a nsfw/smut part 2 of. much loveeee ♡~ lola

| ❀ | loser!ellie who took weeks of convincing from dina and jesse to finally download hinge after she wouldn’t shut up about how she’s “never beating the loser lesbian allegations”. truly she could have any girl she wants but just doesn’t know how to speak to them in real life. they were so fed up with her bullshit.

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who only has like 3 pictures of her actual face so the rest of the photos on her hinge profile are just art pics and gay memes

| ❀ | loser!ellie who had to beg dina for help writing all the little prompts just to reject all her ideas because she’d “never say something like that!”

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who started getting so cocky as soon as those likes began to roll in. saying some shit like “ooo i have rizz” in the cringiest way possible. jesse just says it’s cause there’s a masc lesbian shortage and of course she flips him off in response.

| ❀ | loser!ellie whose cockiness immediately leaves her body when she realizes she has to go through the likes and accept/reject every girl. eventually she just gave up and stopped looking because it felt “too mean” and like “too much work”.

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who SUCKS at responding to messages and likes after she lost all interest about 2 days into having the app. that is until she stumbled upon your profile…

✄ - - - - ♡ - - - -

| ❀ | loser!ellie whose glued to her notifications after she matched with you on hinge. at this point you’re her fixation, and every other message besides yours are going unanswered. as soon as she works up the courage to ask for your number, and you oblige, she immediately deletes the app.

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who stares at her screen for like 5 minutes straight at the first text message she plans to send you, even though it was literally just “hey, is this y/n?”. she even googled the difference in connotations between hi, hey, and hello. it’s safe to say the girl is straight up mental about you.

| ❀ | loser!ellie who gets more and more unhinged as y’all get better acquainted with each other through texts. eventually she's spamming you with updates about her day, instagram memes that she thinks are funny, and an occasional flirty message—but of course, she’s waiting for that first date to really test the romantic waters. like yes she’s obsessed with you, but to the extent where she’s so scared to screw things up so every little move she makes is with caution and regard to your feelings and boundaries. it’s honestly super sweet.

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who eventually asked you on a first date after you sent like 3 different flirty memes to get the point across that you like her a lot and wanna be taken out for real. you definitely were sending her some shit like this…

| ❀ | loser!ellie who planned out a whole agenda for y’alls first date so it would be absolutely perfect. she refused to tell you where she was taking you or what you guys would be doing because she thought it would be better as a surprise. and although you were kinda stressing about what to wear and what to expect, the element of mystery was kind of endearing.

✄ - - - - ♡ - - - -

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who pulls up to your house in her little beat up sedan that she had cleaned for like the first time ever just before she came and picked you up. there was still clearly some reminisce of her mess as seen on the stained seats and crumbs on the floor, but you didn’t mind—yours was just as bad (probably worse).

| ❀ | loser!ellie who took you out for sushi as the first stop on your date, to which she graciously paid for even with you fighting to put your card down on the table first. she looked so adorable with her little california roll, and even cuter when she accidentally got too much wasabi in a bite and was fiending for water while simultaneously trying to play it cool in front of you. you just laughed which immediately made her feel better about the whole thing.

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who then took you to your town’s expansive park to walk the dirt trails and just talk. neither of you had ever gotten along with someone so well, the conversation was absolutely effortless. you talked about all your interests, funny life stories, your fears, and so much more. ellie listened attentively with nods and affirmations throughout which made you feel so cared for, something most girls on dating apps could never do. you extended the courtesy back and ellie told you all about her own stuff, including her obsession with space, to which she pulled out her favorite book on the topic to show you. space had never really piqued your interest before, but when it was coming out of the freckled girl's mouth, it seemed like the coolest thing in the world.

| ❀ | loser!ellie who sat next to you on one of the park’s wooden benches. time had flown by and neither of you had realized until your head was resting on her shoulder as the sun set in front of you. the orange cast hit her auburn hair just right and it looked like she was practically glowing. you couldn’t help but stare at her beauty which she noticed and with a concerned look questioned if she had anything on her face. you informed ellie of the trance she had put you in and she blushed the color of your pink nails just before leaning in to give you the most tender, loving kiss you’d ever received.

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who couldn’t stop kissing you once she started. your lips remained locked with hers for a solid 5 minutes, lips puffy and saliva exchanging, until the sound of a dog barking a few feet away broke the exchange. the energy had shifted in the best way possible and the both of you quickly opened up about how much you liked one another. one thing lead to another and suddenly ellie has out her pocket knife and is carving an E + R (reader) into the wood of the park bench. how lesbian of you guys ♡

| ❀ | loser!ellie who didn’t want the date to end and you were right there with her, so you somehow found yourselves in an empty parking lot at 9:00pm, drinking slurpees while she tried to teach you how to skate. it started off as a real attempt with her teaching you the basics like where to put your feet and the importance of bending your knees. after about 4 different falls onto the dirty asphalt you gave up on your genuine pursuits. discouraged, you sat right down on the board, knees up, before ellie gave you a push and you rolled across the lot. she was laughing her ass off and you were too until you hit a bump and tumbled off.

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who bolted into the CVS the parking lot belonged to and bought a bunch of unnecessary first aid items for the small cut on your knee. she came back out of the sliding doors and you died of laughter as she pulled out a box of peppa pig bandaids for your skating “injury”. ellie insisted you needed to be taken care of though, so you let her do her thing and she finished it off with a small peck to the cap of your knee and one on your forehead.

| ❀ | loser!ellie who spent the trip back to your place with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh, driving you absolutely wild. you almost had to remind yourself that this was just the first date.

| 𓆣 | loser!ellie who had been parked in your driveway for 10 minutes already but continued to stall your departure with more of her shenanigans. soon she ran out of things to say though and leaned over to kiss you goodbye. this goodbye turned into more and you ended up in her lap before the night was over. it wasn’t until your back hit the steering wheel making the car honk that you finally exited the vehicle.

| ❀ | loser!ellie who waited for you to completely make it inside before she drove home, giving you a final little wave as you opened the front door. after she was back at her place she instantly texted you about date 2 and thanked you for the best night of her life. in her eyes, you were a keeper!

✄ - - - - masterlist - - - - ♡

taglist...

@endureher @gold-dustwomxn @alexpritch @4rt3m1ss @robinismywifee @sophlovesbooks @97cityy

(taglist is for all callmelola111 works, if you'd like to be removed just kindly lmk)

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moondirti · 1 year

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all the ways i can have you

pairing: Din Djarin x f!Reader rating: explicit (18+ mdni) word count: 1.3k summary: he's hooked on making you feel good. warnings: naked female clothed male, edging, overstimulation, fingering, pussy slapping, squirting, unprotected p-in-v, blowjobs, hickeys, biting, cunnilingus, rimming, face sitting, this is so filthy don't look at me. notes: here's a little thirst i wrote in my down time. It's not affiliated with The Remedy in any way; i just really needed to get all my thoughts about our favourite beskar man out tbh because the slow burn with those two is killing me

The Mandalorian is absolutely filthy.

It’s not something you expect. He’s awkward at the best of times – pointedly avoiding any possibility of social interaction by the drawing of his blaster or an elongated silence. Honestly, for the first few months that you’d known him, you actually thought he hated you. Sure, you were never the unfortunate soul skewered onto his spear, nor had he ever threatened to throw you into his carbonite freezer, but he always had a handy excuse at the ready when you tried to make conversation. It was torture until you learnt not to take it personally; you figured he was probably used to being alone, and that’s no fault of yours. His lack of social skills could not be your burden to bear. So, eventually, when he gave nothing but a grunt to your occasional bizarre musing, you’d simply shrug it off and go back to playing with the kid.

In hindsight, maybe you should have picked at the source of his reticence. It certainly wouldn’t have taken you as long to get to this point if you had. Because now, it occurs to you that he’d probably been so tense from withholding the desires that the two of you, in fact, shared.

It seems so obvious once the dam had lifted, but keen deduction has never been your strong suit.

Back to the point, though. Mando is beyond borderline obscene once you manage to tease it out of him. Truly, he’d have never instigated things had you not been so uninhibited. But when his resolve shatters, it’s like his mind goes into overdrive of all the things he’d do to you. You actually think that, if given the opportunity, he’d lay you out for days on end to enact every fantasy he has. Because life has its way of intruding, though, he settles for the in-betweens of your day to day, taking you in the small gaps where it can just be the two of you.

You think he’s wild when he edges you the first time, his gloved hand palming your front while you stand in nothing but your towel. This is on you, he said, you little tease. It’s deliciously painful; his fingers find your clit with practised ease and he presses down on it, rubbing you in small, tight circles. With the way his hardened body presses into you from behind, clad fully in his armour – a stark contrast to your exposed frame – and his rough praise meets your ear, you almost cum from the miniature ministration alone. But he recognises what your quickening pants mean; he sees how your back arches into him like you’re trying to match the overwhelming pleasure his hands administer, and he pulls away at the last second, fingers returning only to give a sharp smack to your cunt. And of course it echoes – you’re soaked, for Maker’s sake – which only serves to make him repeat the action again and again until you’ve significantly darkened in shade.

By the time you’re on the brink of collapse, Mando has you sitting between his legs, back to his chest, one leg hooked over a strong arm while you sob your pleas into the empty space of the hull. He fingers you fast and rough, delighting in your high-pitched wails and whiney begs, and forces your first orgasm out of you with an expert quirk of his fingers. It’s torturous relief, like white hot embers dancing upon frozen skin, and your vision blurs as you gush over his vambrace. But he doesn’t let up; he continues drawing them from your sopping core, turning in a complete 180 to overstimulate you until you literally have nothing else to give.

He manages to serve you in a way no one ever has before – you're a complete, quivering mess by the end – so, you assume that’s the extent of it. But time with Mando proved that was the least he can come up with.

He revels in spreading your legs whenever he gets the chance, taking his time to pull your glistening lips apart and absorb the sight of your clenching hole. He says it amazes him – how such a tight thing is able to stretch over his length – then promptly digs his cock from within the confines of his pants. You find yourself agreeing with the wonder of how it fits; it’s by far the biggest you’ve taken – thick with throbbing veins that weave up to an angry, leaking tip – but his thumbs always dance in reassuring circles along your inner thighs when he presses it against you. And when he pushes in, you forget all about your worries, because the stretch is divine. Mando absolutely fills you up to the brink, the ridges of him catching along your inner walls, and he pounds into you with reckless abandon, like a man starved. It’s simultaneously too much and not enough as he reaches those hidden parts of you – that spongy tissue at the front, the wall of your cervix – and the sensation becomes absolutely addictive. You go cock-dumb without fail, drooling, eyes rolling to the back of your head, and you think he might disappear someplace else as well, with the way his words pour unfiltered. Good girl. Beautiful. So fucking tight. Cum for me, I want to feel you. He turns reverent when he gets you this way, awkward fronts be damned.

Funnily enough, he’s too impatient for you to go down on him. In the rare moments he forfeits, he has to hold himself back from pulling you up so he can just fuck you already. It’s not that you aren’t good at it, either – no, your tongue is enough to drive the strongest of men wild – but he just… doesn’t put as much priority in his pleasure as yours. It’s something different with you entirely. He doesn’t see sex as a means to relieve his mounting tensions, it’s not the same exchange he’s found in all those brothels. With you, Mando is overcome with the unshakeable urge to wring out every pleasure imaginable. He’s obsessed with the plump of your lips and the folds of your flesh. He dreams of every single part of you everywhere – under his hands, between his legs, in his mouth.

So, he takes off his helmet to put his lips on yours. And you, who’s naive enough to again suppose that the last, world-ending orgasm was the scope of what he could do, experience it as he transforms into something else entirely.

His kisses leave no area untouched. They find your neck, tightening as he sucks purple hickeys onto your skin, then pepper down to your chest, where he pecks your pebbled nipples and bites the swollen tissue underneath. Mando leaves a trail of spit and welts in his venture, and you moan under the calamity, combing through his soft curls with shaky fingers. And when he finds you soaked through your panties, your nails dig into his scalp, your tummy flushing with slight embarrassment. The pain sparks something in him, it seems, because he pushes your thighs up with a renewed vigour so he can press his nose onto your clothed cunt. My favourite, he groans between long inhales, before he rips off the cotton barrier that separates his tongue from your clit.

Mando eats you out like he’d rather be doing nothing else. He doesn’t. It’s his favourite pastime, solely for the way you mewl and squirm underneath him. He licks, sucks, drinks from you, uncovering every patch of skin with his warm tongue, which flicks over your bud until you cry and drives into you to collect the subsequent nectar. He spreads you on the floor like a meal, dominating in every way. He kneels before you on a chair, open as you rub his stubble into you. He even insists that you sit on his face: ‘I need to taste you more than I do air.’ You have no reason to doubt it, though. He fucks into his fist when you grind down on his chin, his free hand directing you forward until he can lap at your asshole as well. Mando wants you surging, spilling onto him; crying out his name, his real name, which he whispers to you as you come down from his onslaught.

Din, he beams. To you, mesh’la, it’s Din.

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yunjardi · 2 years

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test drive [best friend jake x fem reader smut]

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warnings::: smut[mdni], riding, oral, spanking, unprotected sex [don't be a fool, wrap your tool], fingering/finger riding, thigh riding, jake is kinda too big for the reader to take for a second lol, bulge kink, a bit of cockwarming, dirty talk, usage of the pet names princess, doll, & slut, friends to something more??? [lmk know if i missed anything]

w.c- ~2.2k

•i apologize for any errors

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the fridays you spent with jake were always some of, if not, the best moments of your first two years of university. whether it was just the two of you or with a group, getting to be with him outside of class always made your stomach flip with excitement. it was no doubt that jake was extremely handsome, probably the most handsome guy you've ever laid eyes on. not to mention the sexual tension that very clearly burned between you, and you'd be lying if you said you didn't think about jake every time you masturbated or had sex with someone. you even had a few close calls of almost moaning jake's name instead of the person you're having sex with's name, but luckily it hasn't happened... yet.

it was another one of those evenings after school where you two decided to hang out alone because it was a pretty stressful week, and you both needed some 'alone-but-not-actually-alone' time with each other to ease your nerves.

"jake?" you asked softly as you shifted closer to him on the couch (as if you two weren't already close enough). "hm?" he responded as he brought his cute puppy-dog eyes from the tv screen to your blushing face. you always got shy around jake and even though you tried to hide it, he was fully aware of the fact that he flustered you with just a single look.

"this movie is boring," you whined as you looked into his pretty eyes, "let's watch something else." jake sighed but eventually gave in to your suggestion because he always gave you what you wanted. "so what do you suggest we watch instead?" he asked as he used the remote to go back to the main menu of the streaming service. jake handed you the remote and let you scroll for a while until you stumbled upon an r rated movie that was practically just a porno hidden in the sea of movies that the streaming service offered. jake gave you a wide-eyed look as you pressed play nonchalantly.

"y-you wanna watch this?" jake's words stumbling in slight disbelief, "are you sure?" "mhm," you responded as you put your head against his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat.

the opening scene wasn't too bad, just mild stuff like making out and awkward dirty talk. you kept your eyes fixated on the tv, but out of the corner of your eye, you could see jake's face growing flustered as the arm he had wrapped around you stiffened. it wasn't until the actual sex part of the movie came that he began to gulp nervously, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. you pretended to be fully invested in the movie when in reality, jake had all your attention. you began to grow flustered as well when the sex scene got more intense. you couldn't help but think about doing all those things with jake.

suddenly, the actors switched positions; the girl getting on top of the guy, rolling her hips against his. riding was something that you'd never tried before, and imagining being on top of jake while he was literally sitting right next to you felt like a slippery slope, but you couldn't help but feel yourself getting wet at your lewd thoughts. 'fuck it,' you thought to yourself before looking up at jake for the first time since the movie started.

"jake?" you asked, him immediately looking down at you nervously in response, "h-have you ever had someone ride you before?" you knew that after asking this question, there was no going back. he nodded, "a long time ago when i used to hook up with people," he responded, "why?" at this point, you were unbelievably nervous and mildly embarrassed. "i-ive just never done it and kinda wanted to try, that's all," you said as you looked down at your hands, beginning to twiddle your thumbs a bit. he raised an eyebrow at you, looking flustered for the nth time tonight. "with me?" he asked.

"yes please."

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not long after your sudden proposal, you found yourself on top of jake; it felt like a dream so unreal that you questioned if it was truly happening or if you had just fallen asleep mid-movie and are now having a wet dream. but nope, it was 100% happening, no turning back now.

you gently nestled your hips against his as he switched the tv off, holding your hips down. "jake?" you asked shyly, making him look up from adoring your body. "yes, y/n?" he responded as he continued to run his big hands up and down your torso. "are you sure you're okay with this?" you continued, growing a little nervous, anticipating his response. "are you kidding? you don't know how many times i've beat my cock to the thought of you on top of me," he said as his hands traveled into your shirt, goosebumps forming on your body as you blushed at his comment.

you could feel his member growing underneath you every time you rocked your hips against his. he began to play with the waistband of your tight leggings impatiently. you quickly noticed how impatient he seemed to be getting, so you took it upon yourself to roll off of him and slip your bottoms off, panties included. "fuck, get back on top of me right now," jake commanded as he pulled your hips back over to him, sitting you down on one of his thighs.

"ride."

you whimpered as you gave into his demands, slowly rolling your hips against his jogger clad thigh. "such a good slut," jake breathed out as you continued to move your hips against his muscular thigh, a little wet spot forming on a small part of his bottoms where your entrance sat. you let out a few quiet mewls as jake began to rub your sensitive clit, eventually putting a finger inside you. he gently began to pump his long finger in and out of you, making sure to do it slow enough to where you could feel every inch of his finger inside you.

"jake," you breathed out, "f-feels so good." he smirked and chuckled. "i know, baby," he replied as he brought his thumb up to your clit, rubbing gentle circles around it, "don't stop rolling those pretty hips on my thigh, understand?" you nodded as you kept on rocking your hips against his thigh. "m-more please," you whimpered as you pushed your hips against his finger, wanting to feel him deeper inside you. he bit his lip as he slid his middle finger inside you, moaning at the way your walls clenched and pulsed around his two fingers.

you continued to push your hips against his fingers as you moaned and begged him not to stop shoving his long digits in and out of your aching hole. "such a slut" jake scoffed, "fucking yourself on my fingers like that. your tight little pussy can barely take my fingers, what more with my cock?" he slid his fingers out of you and brought them up to his mouth, moaning at the taste. "so sweet," he breathed out after removing his fingers from inside his mouth. "open, princess." you opened your mouth as per his request, swirling you tongue around his fingers to collect the rest of the arousal that he didn't already lick off himself. he chuckled as he lifted you off his now soaked thigh, pulling his joggers off along with his boxers.

he was big, like, really big. his size scared you but turned you on at the same time.

"s-so big," you whimpered quietly as you wrapped your small hand around his veiny member, your hand not big enough to wrap all the way around his girth. "it's okay, baby. we'll take it slow," he said softly "now, try putting those pretty lips around my cock." you nodded as you took as much of him in your mouth that you could, causing his head to fall back as he cursed. you took him out of your mouth for a second to kiss up and down his shaft and tip as he tugged at your hair and groaned. "is it good?" you asked innocently, looking up at jake. "fuck yes," he responded, looking down at you, "hurry and get on top of me."

you were such a sucker for his dominant side; following every single one of his commands, wanting to be a good girl for him. you nervously hovered over his big cock, scared to sink down onto it. "you don't have to rush yourself, princess," jake said reassuringly, "do it gently." you nodded as you lowered your hips onto his tip, gasping at the stretch as you sank your hips down further and further. "fuck," you mewled as your legs trembled, "so big, jakey." he kissed down your neck, biting at a soft section of flesh as you continued to push yourself further and further down. "you're taking me so well, princess," jake praised once his cock was fully inside you.

slowly, you began to roll your hips, moaning at how deep he was inside you. "jakey, feels s-so good," you moaned loudly. "yeah? feels good? bounce on it, slut," he demanded, gripping onto your hips. you adjusted your position and slowly began to let your hips rise and fall against is thick member. jake groaned as he dug his nails into the soft flesh of your ass. he was in love with the feeling of your ass bouncing against his thighs as you let out loud moans. "jake, fuck!" you whined as you continued to bounce up and down on his cock, your walls tightening with ever stroke.

"such a good slut for me," jake whispered in your ear as he began to thrust into you gently, aiding you in reaching your high. you felt yourself creaming all over his veiny cock as he gave you harsh slaps on your ass until there was a red mark on your soft skin. you couldn't get enough of the feeling he was giving you, which led you to continue bouncing on him, chasing another orgasm. "aw, slut wants to cum again? so needy," jake mocked as he looked down at your lower stomach, watching the way his cock made your stomach bulge out every time you came crashing down on his cock.

your cum leaked from your inner thighs onto his as the two of you fell deeper and deeper into a euphoric state. "fuck, i'm close," jake groaned out as he ran his hands down your torso, "where do you want it?" you shifted your hips side to side, getting into a snug position on top of him, wanting him to release inside of you. he looked at you with surprise in his cute puppy dog eyes, nodding his head up and down in a questioning manner. you nodded back at him in approval. "you really want me to cum inside that pretty little pussy of yours, princess?" jake asked as he placed his hand on your lower abdomen where he'd be filling you up. you nodded your head up and down again. "please?" you whimpered. he chuckled as he laid a kiss on your collar bone. "how could i ever say no to you?" he said as he began to thrust himself into you again, the pleasure engulfing your entire body.

soon, jake's strokes got sloppier as you gently rocked your hips back and forth, helping him reach his high. you heard his breathing hitch as he let out a string of moans and curses. "fuck, y/n. i fucking love you," he groaned as his cum leaked out of your sore pussy back onto his softening member. jake sat up, gently holding onto your torso to bring you up with him. his cock was still buried inside you as you rested your head against his chest, listening to his calming heartbeat. the sight of his sweaty shirt sexily clinging to his body almost made you want to keep going for several more rounds.

after catching your breath, you both looked at each other and smiled. "was it good?" you asked with an innocent tone, "also you said you loved me... is that true?" you looked up at him with your pretty doe eyes, adoring his features from the angle you were in. jake leaned in and gave you a passionate kiss to solidify what he had said earlier, blushing when he pulled away.

"soooo, how was the test drive?" jake joked, his pun making you want to forget everything that just happened. even after the most passionate sex, he still finds a way to ruin the moment.

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a/n: idk how i feel abt this one, but i hope you guys enjoyed reading it nonetheless :") i may or may not take this one down because i feel like it could've been better, but lmk if you want me to keep it posted. your feedback is always appreciated <3

send an ask to be added to a permanent taglist <3

-jake whore jardi

©yunjardi on tumblr

#enhypen smut #jake Enhypen smut #jake sim smut #jake sim hard hours #jake sim x reader #enhypen jake smut #enhypen jake #jake sim imagines #jake sim #jake sim au #sim jake smut #sim jake x reader #Jake sim smut drabble #jake sim scenario

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captain-mj · 1 year

Note

Can we get some Korangi monster fucking with monster König? There's already a notable size difference, so why not just... make it bigger!! -🕸

You… you get it

Horangi had been trying to figure König out. He saw glimpses of something... different under that sniper hood. Something inhuman.

König’s eyes were blue. A soft blue that Horangi liked. But sometimes, they shined unnaturally, held this color they shouldn’t. This shiny gold that told Horangi to follow it. To throw himself into the abyss that was König.

He resisted the instinct, mostly because when ever he looked back, those eyes were always their normal blue. And König always looked at him, tilting his head and asking what was wrong.

Horangi noticed a pattern eventually and that was no matter the situation, who was talking to König at the time, or even what König was doing with his hands, every time Horangi noticed the flash of color, König was already looking at him. They always made eye contact without fail.

Horangi decided then and there that no matter what he had to do, he was going to solve this mystery.

König was one of the few people who had their own bathroom, Horangi included in this group, which meant he couldn’t sneak up on him in the shower. He’d have to be sneaker.

Horangi tried to follow König after a training session, but he disappeared around a corner. Then he tried to corner him after dinner to ask him to drinks. König apparently takes all of his food to his room. Made sense why Horangi never saw him at dinner, but he also ate all of his food in his room so.

He tried inviting him to drinks. Then just yanking his hood off. Of course he’d wait until they were alone, not wanting to expose him to anyone else. Look, if König asked, he’d even take his own mask off to make it even.

But he needed to know what was going on.

Horangi sat there, planning on what to do next when König appeared.

“Horangi? Do you want to go in the woods? Fender said he saw a deer and I want to see if we could find it.”

“Yeah, I’ll grab my gun.” Fresh deer meat sounded pretty good. He noticed the way König stiffened though and answers sounded much better. Maybe if he had him alone a while...

“Bitte, no gun.” He sounded very anxious so Horangi gave in.

“Alright, we’ll just go look at it. Let’s go.” Horangi stood up and walked with him.

König started to lead them deeper and deeper into the woods, walking directly off the path. Horangi hadn’t had a chance to memorize these woods yet, but he doubted König would do this if he didn’t know the way back.

They started talking and it only occurred to Horangi when he couldn’t see the sun over the trees anymore that they had been walking a while.

“Where did Fender see that deer again?”

“There isn’t a deer, Horangi.” König stopped in front of him. “You really shouldn’t try to unmask someone. I thought you of all people would get that.” He didn’t sound anxious anymore. His voice took on an unearthly hum.

“König.” Horangi reached for his gun on instinct, but he hadn’t brought it because of the stupid deer which he was now realizing was the point and...

Those eyes were on him again. Bright gold and entrancing.

Horangi considered himself a predator. A tiger. Something that stalks its prey and then strikes at the most convenient of times.

Looking at König, he felt much more like prey caught in a web.

“You want to know, don’t you? You keep catching me. I don’t mean to keep doing this, but you’re...” His eyes trailed down Horangi’s body and it only hit him now what the expression was. What it always was.

Hunger.

Horangi hoped it wasn’t as literal as that. He wasn’t some morsel König was going to devour here. But why take him so far into the woods if that was the case? Why not kill him already?

Horangi started to back up, heart pounding and König narrowed his eyes.

“Kätzchen, are you afraid of me?”

Was König bigger? His clothes looked tighter and he loomed over him oddly.

“Yes.” Horangi didn’t know why he spoke. He tried to clamp his mouth shut but the words sizzled on his tongue. “Why? What are you?”

“Doesn’t it matter. Don’t have a name you’d recognize. Not anymore.” König slid his hood over and off his head. Soft red hair stuck, soft golden eyes paired with golden freckles. Patterns of the stars across his face. In his hair poked out little... things. Feather like things that made a halo or crown around his head.

He was stunning, but he was terrifying.

Horangi’s heart sped up and everything in him wanted to flee, but he didn’t. He stood there, feet planted because they would not move. An old instinct to follow gods forcing him to stay and witness.

König dropped the rest of his clothing idly and it didn’t make sense. He was far too big to have fit in the first place. Maybe 10? 12 feet tall? Body decorated with stars. He leaned forward slowly, so they were eye level now.

“Horangi. I brought you here to make you see that I am not something you can understand. I’m not... Lovecraftian. Or eldritch. But I am still not human. It’s best you don’t push too hard. Don’t try to comprehend too much, ja? Might hurt yourself.” The words should’ve sounded mocking. Coming from anyone else, Horangi would take it as such.

But König was being genuine and that felt worse. Infinitely worse. Horangi tried to look him over, but its like the angles of his body were wrong. Making his head spin. The only thing that remained constant were the constellations. He reached forward, mind going blank as König froze, and touched them.

Horangi wanted to say something. Should say something. Finally, he had a thought. “Why did you bring me so far away? No one goes in the woods if they can help it. We would’ve been just as private thirty minutes ago. Why this far?”

“In case you scream. I wanted to make sure no one would hear.”

Horangi looked up. “Scream? Why would I?” König picked him up and placed him against a tree.

“Kätzchen, you can’t tell anyone about this? You understand that, right?”

Horangi stared at him, realizing how easily König picked him up. He was half his goddamn size. His eyes stayed trained on his chest.

“I understand.”

“Horangi. Look at me.” König purred, suddenly seemed very confident.

“König.” Horangi said shakily, his body was so warm and he had never been particularly ashamed of his penchant for bigger men, but this was...

König grabbed his chin and forced him to look up. “I’m going to take off your mask.”

Horangi nodded and let him, staring at him. Slowly, König undressed him slowly, not stopping at just the mask. He let him and his gaze never wavered as if watching long enough would make him get it.

“You’re gorgeous, Kätzchen.” König mumbled into his skin before lightly kissing his shoulder, along one of his scars. His mouth felt so hot. All of his skin felt so hot. It burned his skin but it felt so nice. Like hot oil along his skin.

“Could you heal me?”

“No. I could not. But I could make you feel nice.” König said softly, holding him up. “I promise, you’ll feel very nice.” He had his hand on Horangi’s underwear who was only realizing now how undressed they both were.

“Okay.” He wheezed out in response and he bit back a groan as the chill air touched his bare body. The stripes burned into his skin were on full display and he winced. “Please don’t comment on them. I know they’re...”

“They’re pretty. I like them.” König said softly, one hand holding him up effortlessly as the other spread Horangi’s legs. His fingers touched where they wrapped around his thigh and it took a minute before he realized one of those fingers were pressed against his hole.

König spit onto his finger before pushing into him. “Be as loud as you want. Like I said, no one can hear you here.”

The burn hurt and his eyes filled with tears immediately. He refused to cry, not willing to be weak in front of König. With a short tsk, König curled his finger and Horangi couldn’t swallow the wail. He wasn’t used to such a treatment, usually in control but König was undeniably skilled with his hands. Before long, another finger was used and he felt raw, broken up.

The pleasure was intense, the pain edging into it only making it more intense. Horangi gasped softly as he started to scrabble at something inside him. Some bundle of nerves that sent lightning sparks of pleasure up and down his spine.

“K-könig.” Horangi spoke softly, unable to handle himself anymore. This feelings were too intense. “I... I...” The fingers left his body and it left him whimpering. He clenched around nothing, head falling back.

“You’re alright, Kätzchen.” König promised. “Like I said, I’ll make you feel very good.” He pulled something out of his pocket.

“You planned... You...”

König smiled and it was blinding. Horangi stared at him, starstruck. König held him close and gently pushed into him. The size was a struggle, Horangi holding on desperately.

“You’re so tight.” He sounded breathless and Horangi couldn’t believe he managed to do that. Managed to bring a god down like this. “Scheiße.”

Horangi moaned softly and kissed him, holding on to him tightly. It felt like he was melting into König as their tongues met.

König bottomed out and Horangi had to take a deep breath, leaning into him. He felt so tiny in his arms, held so easily. It felt like he was being split open but it was addicting. His head fell back and he looked up at him.

“Dangsin-i nawa hamkke wonhaneun geos-eul hal.” He said softly, running his fingers through his hair.

König started to thrust into him and Horangi sank his teeth into König, wanting to mark him as his the same way König was making him his. He gave into the dizzying pleasure, getting tons of kisses for it. Horangi tugged his hair and felt him speed up because of that, slamming right into those nerves.

Horangi came hard, vision whiting out. He could feel him continue until finally König came inside him. König put his forehead against Horangi’s, sharing breath with him.

“Didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Horangi shook his head and ended up kissing him again, going limp since he knew König wouldn’t let him fall. “Don’t think I can walk though. You’re... very big.”

König smiled against him before gently setting him down. “I’m going to get dressed and then I’ll help you. Once we get you home, I’ll get you cleaned up.”

Horangi nodded and looked at himself. Everywhere König touched there were small burns and strips of red skin. They were healing quickly, clearly not too bad, but they were there and it excited him.

König gently dressed him, back under his hood and back to his normal height. “We don’t have to do this again, but I need you to be quiet about this.”

“I will. But I would like to do this again.”

König melted, leaning into him. “Good. I’ll take very good care of you.”

#Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare II #Call Of Duty #Konig #König #Horangi #Körangi #König x Horangi #Horangi x König

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aleksanderscult · 19 days

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Since we have officially entered the Aries' season I thought I should honor the fact that it's the Darkling's birthday! 🎉🎊

(No, we don't know his exact birthdate but we know he's an Aries. Anyways)

To celebrate it let's remember some facts about him.

Even though he was a Shadow Summoner, he loved bright colors. Blue, red, purple but most of all the color of sunlight.

Since we mentioned that he was a Shadow Summoner, isn't it endearing and ironic how he feared the dark when he was a child?

Once he didn't sleep for two nights because his mother had left him in a tent without a lantern.

He loved sweets! Cakes, pies etc. but his two favorites were a cake with cherries and sweet cream from Kerch and candies coated in sesame from Shu.

He had trouble mastering his powers as a child. He felt embarrassed for the fact that he couldn't make the Cut at the age of 13.

He could play the violin. 🎻

He was really intelligent from a very young age. Until the age of 13 he could speak three languages fluently and could read people and their behavior like an open book.

He was awkward and felt uneasy around children his own age since Baghra always kept them on the move and insisted not to let anyone touch him or for him to get close to someone.

He never met his father although he kept asking about him to his mother and wanted to meet him. The only thing he (possibly) ever knew was that he was a Heartrender.

He loooved nature. The trees and forests. The smell of them. Especially the evergreen trees. He even decorated his room in the Little Palace with carvings of trees.

Oh and he loves animals too! In the "Demon in the Wood" he got excited in the thought that he would see white tigers for the first time and Leigh once mentioned that he's kind to animals (we even saw that in "The Tailor" when he took time out of his duties to visit his horses, pat them and whisper to them soothingly).

And he actually saw those white tigers eventually.

Apparently he has great good looks to the point that he attracts others (and especially girls) like magnet since forever.

And his life was full of sex so he was experienced with it (Alina, your opportunity to fuck around and find out was literally right there).

The author confirmed (in 2014-2015, years before even the show came out) that he indeed harbored strong feelings for Alina and believed that they were destined for a future together (my man was ready to buy IKEA furnitures for their future house😭😭).

He had many, many half-siblings (one of them was a mermaid) and throughout the centuries he sought them out, out of a need for kinship, companionship and a desire to not be alone (🥲🔫)

This one is especially sad. He wasn't conceived out of love.

On another note though, his smell has been described as the smell of winter, forests and of the night.

In a solar eclipse his powers wouldn't be affected.

He's the Grisha with the most aliases in the Grishaverse (that's what living in a persecuted environment as a child does to you).

It's confirmed by the author that he was created after fantastical villains that she used to love, so please let that rumor that he was inspired after her abusive ex finally rest for good.

He had indeed fallen in love many times in the past but he kept witnessing the people he loved die from their mortality. At some point he just gave up on love and became more and more closed off. (Let's talk about the break he never had💀)

We might not know which person was the first he ever fell in love with, but we know which was the last one: Alina.

Do you remember those countless letters Alina was sending to Mal in "Shadow and Bone"? Well, the Darkling not only kept them secretly but read ALL off them.

He has a throat-neck fetish. And it's probably canon. The way he kissed Alina's throat every chance he got, the way he once nipped it, the collar and how he was always touching it.

According to Leigh, he didn't start wanting to be King. But this ambition came eventually after deeming it the only way to change things.

Kaz has been described as more selfish than Aleksander.

Well most of them turned out to be sad and tragic but that's because he had a tragic life and he himself was a tragic character.

Happy birthday to one of the best and most iconic book characters ever created. 🎉🎊

#and today we have a solar eclipse 👀#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THAT LITTLE MEOW MEOW #I miss that fucker 🥹#the darkling #pro darkling #aleksander morozova #pro aleksander morozova #darklina #pro darklina #alarkling #pro alarkling #grishaverse #shadow and bone #alina starkov #grishaverse trilogy

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radio-navlee · 2 months

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Not so tough now huh?

I really wasnt expecting the poll to get so many votes!! Heres what you guys have voted on <3

Lee!Jax Ler!Ragatha

Summary: Jax finally pushed Ragatha over the edge causeing her to find something out about the annyoing rabbit.

Jax smirked to himself, setting up the most diabolical prank on his dear ol’ friend.

He’d been planning on getting Ragatha for weeks. He had completely transformed the rag dolls room into something you’d seen out of home alone.

String and marbles practically covered her room. Foam balls, feathers, water buckets and paint set up to hit her as she walked in.

“3…2…1” Jax counted down watching Ragatha close her door behind her. He could hear a muffled, ‘What the?’ Come from the doll herself. The marble rolled into a small hole triggering scissors to cut string sending the bucket of water over her bed, the water spilled everywhere and into a lower placed bucket below activating the foam balls to sore through the air hitting targets around the room. Finally it ended with a bucket of paint spattering on her head with another balloon filled with feather to pop.

“…..JAX!!!” Ragatha screamed causing Jax to chuckle to himself already booking it down the hall.

Ragatha, surprisingly, cleaned herself off quickly and darted after him

“JAX YOU JERK!!”

“THAT WAS SO WORTH IT!!” Jax yelled back

After 5 minutes of Ragatha chasing Jax, he started to get tired. He felt like it was the longest game of tag, where Ragatha was it and he was playing for his life.

Jax, now starting to panic, realizing that Ragatha was not slowing down. Regatha was so determined to catch him. Every time Jax would fumble over himself he would scream. Scared to what would happen if he did fall with the doll hot on his trail.

eventually he backed himself into a corner. He spun around to try to run but Ragatha was already there.

“Raggs…. Please… it was…. Just a joke!” Jax panted, catching his breath

“Oh that was no joke, that was a prank! A prank you fully thought out!” Ragatha pointed out

“Look, let’s… talk about it! How about we make a deal?” Jax suggested

“I’m listening”

“Okay, how about this! You let me go….” Jax inched his way slowly trying to get past Ragatha, “and I promise…. TO RUN- EuGH!” Jax ran full speed thinking he was getting away, only for a plushy hand to stop him.

“Not a chance” Ragatha said holding Jax by his upper arm.

“Let go!” Jax tried to pull away

“No!” Ragatha squeezed his arm causing Jax to let out a yelp

“…..”

“…Jax?”

“..what….” Jax face got hot, he didn’t know he could still be ticklish after entering the digital world!!

“Jax what was that?”

“.. a cry for help?” Jax tried to excuse. Ragatha squeezed again causing Jax to yelp again

“Are you-?”

“No…”

“Because you sound like your-”

“I’m not..”

Ragatha smirked, "You're not what?"

"uhhh.." Jax blanked, too embarssed to say anything just in case it wasnt that. Ragatha spun Jax grabbing both arms pinning them both above his head. Jax gave her the most panicked look he could give, seeing as Ragatha didnt give him the 'you ok?' look, Jax was doomed.

“So if I do this” Ragatha pinched at Jax’s sides “you’re sure you're not..?”

“gAH- Rahahags!!” Jax nearly jumped out of his skin. He started to squirm and giggle as Ragatha continued to tease and tickle him

“Oh so you are ticklish?” Ragatha smiled moving her way up and spidering across the poor bunny’s ribs

“NohOHO! WAIHAhaeheHAT!!” Jax complained and groaned through his giggles, he shook his head frantically as Ragatha moved up.

“Somebody’s sensitive!!” The doll teased, tickling right below where his ribs meet his armpits. The anticipation was literally eating at Jax.

“RAhaHags!! PLEheEase!!” Jax panted, trying to make himself sound as tired as possible.

“Shouldn’t have set that prank up, this would have never happened!” Ragatha growled, remembering the mess she gonna have to clean up when she gets back.

Jax shut his eyes as the rag doll massaged into his armpits. Jax nearly screeched, he turned his head into his pined up arms to try to muffle anything. He’d hate it if somebody came looking for them to find the predicament he was in.

“RAHFAHFAHGS!!” He stomped his feet below himself to try to diffract himself from the tickling

“Sorry, am I in a bad spot?” Ragatha teased

Jax sighed as Ragatha slowed down her torturous hand. Jax’s cheeks turned pink straight out of embarrassment. Just as Jax thought Ragatha was done, she put her hand on the side of his neck. Crap

“Wha- what are you doing?” Jax asked nervously

“Take a wild guess rabbit!” Ragatha stated as she tickled into his neck

Jax squealed scrunching up his neck and throwing his head back. Ragatha immediately noticed how Jax no longer wanted to muffle his laugh. Jax just chucked freely as Ragatha moved her hand to his ears.

“AH- Waitwaitwaitwait!! Ragatha!! Ihavetowarnyounowpleaseimgoingtoscream WAIT!!” Ragatha held his two ears in place and slowly blew air onto them. Jax screamed followed by loud laughter, he squirmed and shook his head but he couldn’t shake her off

“RAGAHATHAHA!! *Squeal* GAHAHA!!” Jax, now more embarrassed than ever, sat there laughing seeing as there was nothing else he could do. Ragatha tickled the tops of Jax’s ears, still blowing onto the bottom part.

Jax was in practically in pieces giggling and taking deep breaths when Ragatha would inhale giving him time to breathe before she would exhale again. Ragatha stoped once Jax started to get wheezy

“You ok?” Ragatha asked as Jax sat on the floor

“I uhh, *HIC* ohmygod” Jax completely shut down covering his face with his hands while his embarrassment covered his face

“Did I go to far?” Ragatha giggled, she never saw Jax like this. She laid her hand over his shoulder causing Jax to jump as the sudden contact

“No uh *HIC* you’re good it’s just- *HIC* these damn hiccups.” Jax explained, his frustration only getting worse as he continued to hiccup

“Stay here, I’ll get you some water” Ragatha smiled. She was back to her old self again, Jax didn’t complain and watched her run off.

He rubbed his ears free of the ghost tickles, bringing one down to his vision. ‘Weird’ he thought. He leaned up against once of the walls and eventually fell asleep.

Jax shot up, expecting to still be sat up on a wall, instead he was in his bed. He looked around confused, until spotting a glass of water and a note on his night stand. He sipped the water and opened the note

“Hey Jax,

I saw you were passed out so I brought you back to your room. I also brought you the water I said I was going to get. You might have been confused how you got back in your room, that’s why I’m writing this. I’ll be in my room tidying up YOUR mess.

-Doll Face”

Well, that solves that mystery…Jax grabbed a pen and paper.

He opened his door carefully looking to see anybody, but nobody was there, good. He found Ragathas door and crouched down. He slid the note under her door with a knock and booked it back to his room.

———————

Ragatha heard a knock on her door while cleaning up the mess Jax’s prank caused. ‘Probably just a dig dong ditch’ she thought hearing the sound of feet running away. She looked over to the door anyways, ‘a note?’ Ragatha walked over picking up the note and opening it up.

“Hi Rags,

Thanks for not leaving me in that corner and I guess thanks for the water. You better not mention this to anybody. I mean it. It was already embararsing enough,

-Jax”

‘he missed spelled embarrassing’ Ragatha giggled. I guess he was right, he did look really embarrassed. But this is the first time he’d thank Rags for something, this was once in a life time.

Ragatha looked at her trash can, then her storage box. She thought for a minute, then put the note in her box.

(I AM SOOOOOO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK😭🙏 lots of stuff has happened but do not worry! Your goul is back🩷)

#tickle #tickles #sfw tickling community #tickle fanfic #tickle fic #tadc tickles #lee!jax #ler!ragatha #The Amazing Digital Circus Tickle #tickle fluff

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lacyscabinet · 5 months

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Natalie Scatorccio being Italian

A/N: Hi GUYSSS!!! I was really bored in class today and I remembered that Natalie is indeed my fellow Italian so I thought I'd make a headcanon about it, in the first few bullet points I tried to kinda give her a backstory so that was fun :) enjoy<3

From what we have been shown in the series Natalie doesn't really lean in the Italian-american stereotype (luckily lmao) apart from her very Italian last name and the attempted Italian accent Sophie Thatcher gave to the character in the first episodes, so we'll have to use some imagination here, but hey, it's an headcanon after all

Her dad's family is Italian (I'm pretty sure this is canon, correct me if I'm wrong tho) but he moved to the USA

Her dad's family was probably from the south, not necessarily Sicily or Sardinia, maybe somewhere around Naples!? Definitely not the north tho

I don't think she ever actively decided to learn Italian, maybe she knows a few words (definitely the swear words, we'll get to that later) but the accent is what really stuck with her

Would get pissed if someone cooked pasta the wrong way

"you need to boil the water first AND DEAR GOD NO DO NOT BREAK THE SPAGHETTI WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT'S BLASPHEMY"

Thick Italian accent when she gets mad/speaks with a louder tone/when she first wakes up (same girl, same)

Does the 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻 ironically (again, same girlie)

At first she tried to get people to pronounce her last name correctly but eventually gave up

"Sketorcio?"

"no, it's literally the same way it's written"

"Skeattorcio"

"You know what nevermind"

Side eyes people every time they pull a pizza pasta mandolino on her

Goes around and judges pizzas even though she has not tried real Italian pizza

Randomly flexes being Italian to anyone at random times

As I said she can't fluently speak Italian but she knows for sure every curse word (and trust me we have lots of those)

"Natalie have you brought your soccer shoes?"

"Oh, yes they are in my bag, look..."

*opens bag to take the shoes out and they are not in there*

"OH CAZZO"

*hits her pinkie toe against the corner of a wardrobe*

"PORCA PUTTANA"

Firm believer that she would use bestemmie (really really bad words that are considered a sin and are very stigmatized by Catholic folks) all the time

Even at random times just because she can and after all no one would understand anyways

Brags about her cooking skills but can't actually cook

She would like to visit Italy one day but she's too broke even to buy lunch at school

That's all for today:)

A/N: if anything else pops up in my mind I'll make a part 2 pookies!!! Have a good day and be gay :)

#natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio x reader #nat scatorccio #nat scatorccio x reader #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #nat scatorccio x #natalie scatorccio x y/n #writers on tumblr

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brooklynisher · 2 months

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People are asking about it so here it is!

The Spine Hc Angst Relating to Peter Walter I

This sorta turns into borderline a full backstory but aa who cares

Zer0 was abandoned and Rabbit was literally killed by Peter Walter I. I refuse to believe The Spine was such a perfect robot that Peter just left him alone.

I like to believe that after the success of Rabbit’s invention, Peter held The Spine to a much greater standard. So much greater to the point where he wasn’t being realistic. He knew he had the capabilities to program The Spine to be exactly what he wanted The Spine to be.

Two conflicting traits he gave were curiosity and maturity. Though curiosity isn’t inherently childish, you could only ask so many questions before people would assume you were born yesterday.

Because he expects The Spine to be mature, he doesn’t allow The Spine to indulge in any “childish“ activities.

One thing is that Rabbit thinks Peter prefers The Spine because he’s dedicated so much time into perfecting him, but The Spine thinks Peter prefers Rabbit because he seems like he actually likes her and she has many more permissions than he does.

Sometimes Peter will read stories to Rabbit to help her power down, but when The Spine asks to be read stories, he says no since The Spine is supposed to be, “More mature than Rabbit, and he doesn’t need them”. Rabbit might read The Spine stories in secret on occasion.

The Spine was not allowed to play with toys. If he was ever caught with a toy of any kind, they would be given away or destroyed depending on the quality of the toy.

The Spine was never allowed to read children books or watch children shows. He would have his siblings update him on any of his interests in media made for children if he had any.

He’s not allowed to play with his siblings, but instead, he’s expected to supervise.

Overall, he was expected to be “The best robot”. Whenever he wasn’t, he’d get adjusted, which he hated because he never knew what parts of him Peter was going to change. Most of the time he wouldn’t know what he did wrong. Which if he couldn’t figure out what he did wrong, the adjusting process would take 10x longer. The Spine would find himself overthinking everything he did wrong when he couldn’t be the perfect robot. This is part of the reason why he cares so much about the public perception of him.

During moments where he broke, he felt embarrassed and guilty. Peter would never tell him that his system failures were his fault, but he’d complain a lot whenever he had to fix them, making The Spine feel as if it was his fault for all the times he was broken. Like he was Wired Wrong.

Eventually, he’d start repairing himself. Which he got praise for, but if he ever made a mistake, boy did he feel like a failure. He’d be terrified of admitting to Peter Walter that he broke himself, but he would confess when he needed to because Peter would only get madder if he tried to hide it. Still, he was yelled at every time he made a mistake in fixing himself. The Spine would still keep trying though because he’d breakdown less when he attended to himself. His biggest issue is that he can get a bit too good at fixing himself and ends up overdoing it. Hence, over attenuated hydraulics.

Of course, after Delilah’s death, Peter was a lot more strict and critical with The Spine. There were times where The Spine was treated poorly due to Peter’s grief alone, but because he didn’t understand grief, he thought that his existence was the problem. He’d end up being hyper-aware of every little thing he did. Thinking that there was some sort of special way to behave around Peter in order to avoid setting him off. He was cautious of everything. His walk, his voice, the sound of the steam leaving his body, the glow of his eyes. He didn’t know what it was that would hurt Peter Walter I, but he always thought it was himself.

When Peter I died, the pressure to be the perfect robot only got stronger, so it ended up becoming a core aspect of his personality. To be the most mature, well maintained, and to keep his siblings in check.

It wasn’t until Peter Walter VI where he’d start to embrace his inner child. After seeing how well he responded to the rest of his siblings’ changes. He finally felt more comfortable with being himself. A tall robot dork.

#steam powered giraffe #spg #the spine spg #spg headcanons #peter walter vi #peter walter i #not me making real lore references #my stuff

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poptart-productions · 1 year

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Crazy In Love

[eren jaeger boyfriend headcanons]

pairing // eren jaeger x black! reader

content // y/n in their loner arc, some nsfw mostly fluff, stoner! eren, mechanic! eren, streamer/gamer! eren, swearing, spoilers for s4 bc there are some ppl who haven’t watched yet

a/n // been getting back into my aot obsession

applies to both modern and canon eren

this is more of a drabble than a one shot but if you want more of this au. . .shawty all you gotta do is ask

gender isn’t really mentioned but eren’s stream does call you mommy at one point, just ignore it otherwise

streamer! eren is in the works rn tbh

——————————✩———————————

ੈ✩ | so modern/high school eren pre time skip is an absolute menace

ੈ✩ | he behaved for a week and then all that went out the window when jean said something under his breath

ੈ✩ | genuinely has anger issues, adhd, and depression—which he tends to show through unbridled rage

ੈ✩ | you’d be lying if you said he didn’t catch your eye; he was attractive and was in a trio when you ain’t even got one true friend. but he had three, and he didn’t seem to need or even want any more

ੈ✩ | that’s why it is so fucking hard to get close to this nigga; there were times he was such a dick to you for no reason—if it’s any consolation he feels like shit about that and ten times out of ten it never had anything to do with you

ੈ✩ | gremlin eren? gremlin eren

ੈ✩ | this nigga can never shut up, and while mikasa is the number one person who gets him to stop acting up, she gets ACTIVE when he’s in a losing fight

ੈ✩ | eventually he got in trouble so much that his ass got expelled, his father—after trying literally everything else, got him a medical marijuana card—mans said “bet” and never stopped since

ੈ✩ | OKAY NOW MODERN MANBUN EREN—in the time that he was gone, mikasa and armin took you under their wing, becoming your first real friends; and as they made you comfortable, you started coming into your own more

ੈ✩ | you’d heard about eren’s whereabouts, and knew they talked to him about you, but you always refused to talk to him when given the chance because there was a time where you GENUINELY thought he hated you

ੈ✩ | everyone on tumblr says he’s a stoner and i have no choice but to agree—like that’s why he’d be so mellowed out, and with no titans he’d be the coolest mf out there

ੈ✩ | then when mikasa found out you had a thing for him since freshmen year she finally gets the gang back together four years later—she 100% snitched and bro. . .you almost didn’t recognize him as he walked into the karaoke bar

ੈ✩ | he’d grown his hair out—he had just grown in general, shooting from 5’11 to 6’3, and he’s gotten some tattoos as well

ੈ✩ | your jaw went slack as you gaped at mikasa who only gave you knowing glance

ੈ✩ | not only that, but his voice has gotten an unbelievable amount of bass to it—you almost zoned out every-time it was his turn to sing

ੈ✩ | eren knows how short life is—and he goes after what he wants—he always has, but tbh younger eren never had romantic interest and for the longest time he was a closeted aromantic—getting off-topic but that changed as he grew and he asked you out immediately on a count of what i said before

ੈ✩ | guy is still aromantic but does experience love (though mostly platonic) for very few people,

ੈ✩ | because of that, his confession is the most genuine thing you’ve ever heard—“i didn’t realize it then, but i’d always felt different about you”

“you’re so precious, and sweet and kind—and you’re so fucking good to others, and i thought it was a prank or something when you tried to talk to me—but fuck, when mikasa told me you used to like me, i couldn’t miss the opportunity so i gotta ask. . .”

“would you go out with me?”—and coming from the dude you’ve been crushing on for years and being a person who no one has ever expressed romantic interest to over things you can’t control, you did in fact start crying

ੈ✩ | because he’s so hard to get close to, he’s had many pick-me’s try—even in his gremlin arc—thinking they was in a romance webtoon; jumping in while he was beating the shit out of whoever—“eren, look at me! this isn’t you!”

ੈ✩ | fuck your insecurities about that though because eren is literally the sweetest and most affirming person out there once you get to know him

ੈ✩ | surprisingly a hopeless romantic—only for you—he’s your biggest supporter and he simps so hard. your first date is a picnic, he asked jean—after he apologized and they formed a friendship—to help him throw together a little spread for you

ੈ✩ | he’s absolutely in love with you and will do anything for you

ੈ✩ | your race has so little bearing on your relationship but every once in a while he’ll randomly remember he’s got a melanated lover—and what new circumstances that brings

ੈ✩ | like when he’ll just a get a call a from you at three a.m and answers thinking he’s gonna get some ass and you just start crying

“babe i’ve been doing my hair since 10 p.m and it’s not even halfway done—and i’m so fucking tired but if i. . .” you sniffle, “if i go to sleep now i can’t go to class because my hair looks like shit”

“babe, what are you talking about, why is it—?”

he eventually comes over because he’s so confused as to what’s taking so long, but after he offered to help you and he made you cry even more he understood—nigga broke a sweat tryna wrangle that shit

y’all gave up and decided to miss out on class and tackle it in the morning; he helps you wrap it up and you guys—despite saying you were tired for an hour you could go to sleep so just watched coryxkenshin until the sun came up

ੈ✩ | he’s not only white, but he’s white-european he simply does not understand these things

ੈ✩ | but the fact that he makes an effort to understand your culture in the first place will literally make you cry sometimes—like you can visibly see him fighting his adhd so he can listen to you talk about your hair or what a ‘black card’ is and you always reward him with a kiss for listening to you

ੈ✩ | once he gets it though he’s hard chilling. you notice he started to use more aave; and he started paying for you to get your hair done bc he’s a trust fund kid, and he will always respect the amount of effort that goes into it. he’s also like, super into using aave and slang—he uses it more than you, and even knows the uncle ruckus joke despite NEVER watching boondocks in his life; he doesn’t think he’s black but. . .y’know. and it only gets worse when he meets your family

ੈ✩ | your mother LOVES him, and is constantly telling you that she wants him as her son-in-law, he’s repsectful, handsome, strong, and hard-working—she will literally never forgive you if you let him go

ੈ✩ | EREN. JAEGER. AT. A. COOKOUT.

ੈ✩ | if it’s his first one he’s super jittery and nervous at first. but eren’s a super chill dude so if you have to leave him alone he’ll be cool with anyone

ੈ✩ | your uncles wanna sit in the driveway and pop a cold one? sign him up. your little cousins/siblings swear they can beat him in mario kart? they fucking wish, your aunts wanna sit and talk shit—he was doing that anyway—he’s a super friendly person and he gets along well with anyone

ੈ✩ | will literally film tiktoks with you at the family cookout despite hating having pictures or videos taken of him—he sees how happy you are so he doesn’t care

ੈ✩ | i feel like eren has a very physical job and streams part time for funsies. so yeah when he tells your family that he’s a mechanic when they ask they literally erupt

ੈ✩ | because he’s so hard-working, your aunts love him—constantly making him plates and taking care of him and such

ੈ✩ | and if you have any messy in-laws that try to talk shit or get with him he will deadass call them out

all those years of playing COD made his trash talk elite. . .shit. . .

“how you gon’ talk about my baby when your edges ain’t laid?”

“get your fucking teeth straight before you talk shit”

ੈ✩ | it’s the fact that he did not stop—like homegirl deadass was on the brink of tears and had to leave; nobody liked her anyway so he was good

ੈ✩ | jacked as fuck so just casually holds you down when he doesn’t want you to leave

ੈ✩ | demands kisses at all times; good morning kiss, goodnight kiss, hello kiss, good bye kiss, or just because you’re looking too damn fine

ੈ✩ | shows you off on stream.

“eren, baby—oh shit, are you streaming? my fault” your heart drops as you see yourself in the viewfinder, and you back out of the room—hiding yourself behind the door

“hang on guys—oh no babe, you’re fine”

you thought you had embarrassed him by pulling up in your pajamas but the chat was in love

you hesitantly inch closer as the chat continues to go wild

‘mommy? sorry, mommy?”

‘GAHHDAMN 🥲🕶️👌”

‘oh they fine alright”

“what did you wanna tell me?” he takes off his headset, giving you his undivided attention.

“i was gonna tell you to stop screaming”

“oh damn, you coulda kept that to yourself then” his face stiffened, half-heartedly and he turned back to the game

chuckling, you begin to walk away,

“wait~” he whines, “come here” his voice lowers as you walk toward him, already knowing what he was going to ask

you give him a kiss and pull away very quickly because you know eren too well

“i love you,” his whispers against your lips, “i love you too”

you say goodbye to his viewer and head out to continue your studies

“that’s my lover” you hear him state proudly as you closed the door

ੈ✩ | ngl, i feel like canon! eren pre-timeskip would mostly act the exact same

ੈ✩ | it’d be a little easier to win him over though. since you’re ‘different’ his curiosity draws him to you, and your perseverance and skill is something that’s warrants his respect

ੈ✩ | what’s that belief that life-threatening situations brings people together? that helps too

ੈ✩ | he starts off barely even saying two words to you and now you’ll both protect each other with your lives by the events of season two

ੈ✩ | LIKE JUST IMAGINE THE SCENE WHEN HE DISCOVERS HE HOLDS THE COORDINATE; like you and mikasa are not in good shape so he’s so determined to protect you—and you and mikasa have resigned to your fates but he’s like

“i’ll keep looking after you”

“now and forever, whenever you need me”

ੈ✩ | screaming crying and throwing up

ੈ✩ | or the scene where he takes back the wall in his titan form—and you immediately tackle him as soon as he’s comes staggering out of the nape,

“you did it eren!”

ੈ✩ | most def, especially after that scene from s3—his crush on you is very obvious—like let’s say you pushed mika out of the way and you got your ribs broken instead of her; when you guys make it to that little cabin, he’s literally putting in work to make sure you don’t have to move an inch—chopping firewood, helping make dinner, even volunteering to stand watch or staying up all night in case you need him—but of course you would still come out to check on him

“he’s like a hardworking husband and they’re his doting partner” historia would smile as she watched you two interact

ੈ✩ | eren would spend years pining for you without realizing it until the he almost lost you—be it to the titans or another man

ੈ✩ | he gets the help he needs to confess from the guys who screw him over—not entirely on purpose, but he ends up humiliating himself in front of you; the next day he’s avoiding you like he’s insane until you eventually just blurt out that you like him back

ੈ✩ | i lowkey feel like eren would be way too romantic or so lowkey people have no idea you’re dating—shit not even you knew for like a month

ੈ✩ | deadass, it took this nigga pulling up with a bouquet of flowers claiming it was for your anniversary and you just blinked at him

“are we not dating. . . ?”

ੈ✩ | pre time-skip eren is when he’s the most affectionate but even then he literally only pipes up when you’re in danger

ੈ✩ | you see a different side of him in his titan form—even though he doesn’t have the capacity for speech, his eyes tell you all you need to know.

ੈ✩ | he mellows out a lot because this is the only form he’s in where he feels like nothing can hurt you—he’s untouchable and so are you. so he’s generally a lot softer in this form

ੈ✩ | he’s like a big puppy, responding positively and humming when you scratch his head

ੈ✩ | if you don’t like saliva do NOT do missions with titan! eren. nigga literally just puts you in his mouth for cover when the spot gets too hot

ੈ✩ | and if you EVER get kidnapped for any reason eren is activating his titan form—even if the perpetrators are human he could not give a fuck—he’s already not a cautious person but he really do be wilding when it comes to you, that’s why levi tried to keep you separate before realizing that it only makes it worse.

ੈ✩ | now post time-skip canon! eren. . .bro ima be fr, that nigga is so confusing

ੈ✩ | like let’s say you didn’t know him prior and were just a jaegerist, it was genuinely so difficult to tell if he was just manipulating you or not

ੈ✩ | even when he swore up and down that he loves you—you couldn’t help but wonder if he was just saying that because he knew if you thought he cared about you, you’d be willing to do just about anything for him

ੈ✩ | now is that actually true. . . ?

maybe.

ੈ✩ | but if you knew him since childhood he’s a lot easier to read, like you were just calling bullshit when he was gaslighting mikasa and armin in that one scene—even if he tried that on you, you were not having it

ੈ✩ | he’d gladly abandon everything for you if you caught the signs quick enough, but even after he already declared war on the marlyeans, he’d still give you many chances to save him

ੈ✩ | he’s the boy who sought freedom, but he finds solace in your presence and knowing you care for him. so if you tell him you love him he will deadass just take your hand and beg you to run away with him

ੈ✩ | if you say yes—which you will—bc c’mon now, he’ll build you two a little cottage up in the mountains and live the rest of his days with you, enjoying the simple life he’d always dreamed of with the person he loves more than anything

ੈ✩ | thinking about cottage au! eren rn AHHH

ੈ✩ | now if you decide to play the anarchy route i’m sure y’all will make a great terrorist power couple

y’all some real

💅 ✨ 💖 sassy shooters 💖✨💅

i don’t actually condone this but go off ig

ੈ✩ | also generally, he’s more a physical kinda guy, so don’t feel awkward about sitting on his lap while he’s meeting with volunteers and fellow jaegerists

ੈ✩ | sometimes, you wake up to him crying quietly beside you and you always scoot over and start spooning him

ੈ✩ | every once in awhile he’ll say things that remind you of the old eren, and it makes you wanna cry every time

ੈ✩ | you still love him though, and are willing to wait for him to come around

ੈ✩ | if you die in the war though, it’s up. he’s gonna keep going forward and won’t stop until he’s dead

ੈ✩ | he loves you so much, good god you’re so heavenly

alright people NSFW time so head out if you’re not interested

ੈ✩ | so modern eren! remember how i said he was a mechanic? somehow whenever he comes home, one of you is always frustrated. like imagine you were already missing him, and he gets home and his shirt is off, his skin is glowing and hes got oil smudges painting random patches of his coveralls

“eren—“ you very loudly gulp; you had just wanted to greet your loving boyfriend with his favorite snack but when you saw him in all his glory you really couldn’t help it

ੈ✩ | eren literally always knows when you want something from him; whether it’s because he’s good at detecting it, or you’re just bad at hiding it is up for debate but he clocks you either way

ੈ✩ | but eren, being the cheeky bastard he is, makes you say it. being shy isn’t very fruitful when it comes to him

ੈ✩ | now if he’s the horny one, it’s on fucking sight yo—and there’s no running away, the longer he’s away from you, the more frustrated he becomes

“ah—! eren,” you’re preparing dinner one minute and being bent over the counter the next “—need you” he whines

ੈ✩ | yeah, mans gets v whiny when he’s desperate for it

ੈ✩ | no if ands or buts about it, eren jaeger is a nasty man—regardless of what universe he’s in

ੈ✩ | into spit, vouyerism, and all the other dirty and nasty ass shit

ੈ✩ | into anal anything—even on himself, like if you sneak down to give him a rim job while giving oral he will become so whiny

ੈ✩ | will let you peg or finger him if you’ve got the guts to dom him

ੈ✩ | his moans are something else bro

ੈ✩ | HE’S SO AFFIRMING; “go ahead baby, you can ride” “don’t be shy look at me—pretty eyes on me, on me” “fuck yes, make yourself feel good on my cock” “fuck, you’re perfect”

“i love you so much”

“fuck, are you okay? yeah? okay, gonna move”

ੈ✩ | fuck, he loves mirror sex

ੈ✩ | he’ll let you ride for as long as you want sweetheart, and when you inevitably get tired he’ll buck his hips into yours, laying you down before shifting so he could thrust up more comfortably

ੈ✩ | you don’t notice, but he pays a lot of attention to what he’s doing during sex and will constantly look up to catch your reactions when he makes a strategic change of angles as he blows your back out

ੈ✩ | so yeah he knows your body like the back of his hand

ੈ✩ | SPEAKING OF WHICH, HIS HANDS BRO OML, HE HAS THE PRETTIEST FUCKING HANDS, like they’re calloused but slender and long with a pink hue dusted over his knuckles

ੈ✩ | he would rock you on his fingers while he’s gaming because you were lonely. and because you were so good he fucks you after

ੈ✩ | so canon! eren. . .bro first of all, whoever called eren’s titan form hot. get out, bc like i’m a closeted monsterfucker but how would it work? homeboy ain’t got no lips, no dick—and even if he did it’d literally kill you.

ੈ✩ | the only thing i could think of is him covering you with his tongue or you rubbing against one of his fingers

ੈ✩ | he lets out a lot of aggression on you; sometimes he’ll even cry against you—mans just gets really emotional when he can see your face

#black reader #eren yeager #attack on titan eren #eren jaeger #attack on titan #eren x reader #eren x black reader #eren x black y/n #gender nuetral reader #anime #fanfic

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beenbaanbuun · 4 months

Text

christmas choi jongho thoughts…

genre: fluffy smut (bullet point form)

words: idk

warnings: loss of virginity, protected sex, christmas celebrations, praise, kissing

so i fully believe that our boy jongho is a gentleman above everything

i’m talking gives you his jacket, buys you flowers, holds your bag, that sort of thing

so when he finds out you’re a virgin, obviously it’s no problem at all

he’s more than happy to wait until you’re ready because again, he’s a gentleman!

he can make do with his hand for a little while

he really doesn’t mind as long as you’re comfortable

and then like 5 months into your relationship, it’s december!

the relationship might have been relatively new so spending actual christmas together was probably a little intense, but christmas eve?

that was practically christmas day: the prequel

the two of you sit there in your apartment in matching pyjamas, two mugs of hot chocolate sitting half drank on the table and a shitty hallmark film playing in the background

the two of you are illuminated by nothing but the lights on your tree as you snuggle together under the fluffiest blanket you could find

you keep sneaking looks at one another, both of you in awe at how the other looks under the multicoloured lights that shine down upon the two of you

the films only half finished when jongho passes you a gift

you look at him confused but he just shrugged

“the films boring, baby,” he grumbles before gesturing to the pristinely wrapped present in your lap, “she’s going to realise she’s made a mistake and run off back to the country boy who can show her ‘what christmas really means’… boring.”

you giggle at his run down of the plot of every hallmark movie ever

then you unwrap the gift

it’s a necklace. a locket to be specific

you open it to see a picture that he must’ve taken in secret: you cuddled up to him in bed, his lips pressed to your forehead as your cheek lay smushed up against his chest

“it’s nothing much… kind of cheesy now i think about it.”

you shut him up with a kiss before passing over your gifts

you passed them back and forth until all that was left was your final gift

it was silly, and now you were kind of doubting whether the gift was perhaps too silly

you pass it over anyway and bite your lip as he rips into the wrapping paper only to find… a box of condoms?

he looks at you with a raised brow and a smirk on his face

“a box of condoms, hm?”

you blush and nod

“they might come in useful…”

“oh, they might?” he chuckles as he studies the box, “how come?”

“don’t make me say it,” you whine, “i gave you the box to get out of saying it…”

he chuckles because how can you be so cute???

like you’ve just passed him a box of condoms and yet he still wants to giggle and blush and kick his feet because you’re absolutely adorable

so he decides to tease you a little just so he can watch you cutely squirm a little more

“but i don’t know what you mean, baby,” you grins at you and you can’t help but swoon at his pretty smile.

the way to corners of his eyes crinkle as he shows his gums AGDJSGDJSGAMDHSJ

he’s just so pretty and you have to do everything in your power to stop yourself from leaning forward and kissing him right then and there

but you somehow manage to hold back

“please do tell me why exactly you bought me this box of condoms…”

even though his teasing is annoying, you can’t help but giggle along

“choi jongho,” you murmur, “i swear i will take my gift back if you don’t…”

“don’t what?” he smirks

it immediately turns into a pout when you try to take the condoms back

he eventually concedes and stops his teasing

decides that kissing you would be much more appropriate for the time and place

it’s soft and sweet and intoxicating

you chase his lips as he pulls away but he just giggles at you before diving in for more

“jongho,” you whisper as you pull away, “do you want to put your present to good use?”

“absolutely, baby.”

and it’s literally the most magical thing because once again…

JONGHO IS A GENTLEMAN

strips you of your pyjamas himself, asking before he removes each piece if it’s okay

in fact, he asks before he does anything just to make sure you’re fully comfortable with everything (gentleman…)

holds your hand throughout the whole thing because he needs to make it romantic

peppers small kisses to your face as he pushes in to distract you from the initial stretch

“you’re doing so well,” kiss on the nose, “so perfect for me, aren’t you?” kiss on the forehead, “like you were made for me…” kiss on the lips

and he’s right. the two of you fit so well together and when he starts to rock his hips back and forth, you can’t help but notice how natural it feels when he slots back into place, cock buried deep inside of you

if he’d had prior warning he definitely would’ve busted out the rose petals and the candles

you lying naked on the sofa with the lights of the christmas tree bathing your bare skin felt right, though

when he realises he’s close, he takes one hand out of yours so he can play with your clit

the pout that forms when his hand slips out of yours is quickly replaced by a gasp of pleasure as he steadily pushes you to orgasm

it takes a moment or two for him to find a rhythm that works in getting you to the edge, but once he does, you reach it pretty quickly

he can’t help but tell you how pretty he thinks your moans are

“you sound so beautiful,” he pushes deep inside of you with shaky thighs, “i wish i could listen to you forever.”

and then, once he’s snugly within you, he cums into his condom and flops down on top of you

snuggles you close as you both dip in and out of dreamland

#ateez headcanons #ateez oneshot #ateez fanfic #ateez smut #ateez fic #ateez fluff #jongho x reader #ateez x reader #jongho fluff #jongho scenario #jongho oneshot #jongho smut

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heartbreakgrill · 3 months

Text

Delicate: Vessel (Sleep Token); Pt. 5, "Is it cool that I said all that?"

A week passed, just like that. We had flown to Germany at the beginning of the next week, where we’d be for just fourteen days before we’d move onto France.

Oliver and I didn’t have many chances to see one another. We were always on different wavelengths. Him, with rehearsals, vocal rests, writing sessions. Me, with the delicacies of travel. The only times we really saw each other were during breakfast or dinner, two places he’d been making a point to show up to. No one really noticed his newfound presence- no one but me, considering it seemed to previously be a way for him to spite my very existence.

His first appearance happened the very next morning after our conversation on the bus. After he kissed me like he was going off to battle, we rode the elevator up our floor, departed at my door, and just an hour later, he ended up texting me goodnight. That message alone was enough to have my heart beating crazily.

The next morning, I was still feeling that aftershock while sitting at the breakfast table, talking to Ronnie about her brother’s baby. The elevator doors dinged, opening up like the literal gates of heaven. I barely paid any mind because everyone who normally came to breakfast was already seated at our table. But, I did spare a glance and caught sight of his dark figure, slinking towards us. I gave a second look, stumbling over whatever it was I had been saying to Ronnie. I covered up my stutter by clearing my throat, but she didn’t really notice, nor did she seem to care. Oliver sat at the end of the table, greeting everyone with his same simple nod. My heart was going again.

I tried not to stare, tried not to even look at him for fear of melting on the spot, even when I felt his eyes burning into my face. I was blushing, bright red. My knee shook, nervously, under the table as I brushed my hair from my cheeks, behind my ears. I caught his eye from the corner of my own and he smiled, ever so slightly.

I was done for, I knew it.

It became a delight to see him at these meals, even if we never got the chance to speak to each other; even if, afterwards, he’d shoot back upstairs to his room. That was always my favorite part, when he disappeared from the table because, shortly after, he’d text me.

Something like:

Oliver: your hair looked pretty today.

Daisy: you looked alright 🤷

Oliver: wooooooow

I compliment you and this is how you treat me

Daisy: oh im so super sorry

Oliver, you are so handsome and gorgeous and amazing and awesome

Better?

Oliver: sure, sure

That’s where most of our conversation took place, over text, especially that first week that whatever this was began to take place.

He’d text me good morning and good night, nearly every single day. He’d ask how my day was, ask me what sort of plans I had. I kept waiting for this question to evolve into another one, something like, “Wanna hang out later?” I’d settle for a damn booty call, if that’s what he wanted. I tried not to get frustrated when that first week drug on, knowing he was insanely busy. I couldn’t expect him to drop everything else and prioritize me. But, a small part of me hoped he would.

I just wanted a little bit more of his attention.

Luckily, I- eventually- got it.

We were in Germany for the next week. We flew out from Italy that Sunday, settled into our hotel in the early afternoon. I hadn’t planned anything for that Monday, hoping to just rest a bit, leisure across the city, maybe. I knew, too, that the band was off that day. Maybe a small part of me was making sure I was available in case he wanted to grace me with his presence. I wouldn’t admit it, though, because it just wasn’t healthy.

But, my hopes amounted to something.

At first, things seemed to regress. There were no messages from him on my phone.

I thought about texting him first, but I felt strange doing so, like he’d be annoyed if I reached out instead. I then tried to ignore the sinking feeling that this put in my chest. Maybe he was done with me. Maybe he realized that this wasn’t ever going anywhere, especially considering we hadn’t so much as had an in-person conversation in a week. Luckily, I hadn’t slept with him.

My mind began racing too much, so I pulled myself out of bed and started getting ready for the day. Sam was already gone. He told me yesterday that he, Cy, Adam, and Ronnie had made plans to go do something. He offered me to come with, but I really wanted to just laze about. There was an infinity pool and today was going to be one of the warmest days of the summer for this country. Soaking up the sun seemed like a good way to truly relax.

So, I put on a bathing suit, slipped a sundress overtop, and rubbed sunscreen all over myself. I wasn’t about to battle a sunburn on top of jet lag. Then, I packed my purse with my water bottle, my latest book, headphones, and my wallet. Just as I went to grab my phone, sling my towel over my shoulder, head out, a knock came from the door.

I turned to the sound with furrowed brows. Housekeeping wasn’t supposed to come until we told them to. And, as far as I knew, we hadn’t scheduled a cleaning.

“Who is it?” I called out, stepping towards the door.

“It’s me,” a low voice responded, hushed in volume.

A thrilling excitement suddenly rushed through my veins. I tried not to rush over to the door and instead, forced myself to take slow steps. I set a hand on the handle, already feeling a shake in my bones. Just being this close to him pulled some sort of chemical reaction out of me.

The door opened and Oliver turned his head straight, to really look at me. He had been checking over his shoulder, paranoid about any passerbyers. As soon as he saw me, he grinned, wide. Then, he didn’t hesitate to shove me back into the room, his hands on my hips, his lips grasping for mine. He threw the door shut behind him.

It took me a second to find my footing. But, when I did, I became desperate, hungry. I tugged at the front of his hoodie in an attempt to get him as close to me as physically possible. Oliver ran a hand up my hip, across the front of my body, between my breasts, up around my neck. His fingers were slotted just beneath either side of my jaw. He pressed down, ever so slightly, to ensure my mouth stayed on his.

As he kissed me, I could tell he was basically starved. This was even more evident when he nipped my bottom lip, drawing just the thinnest drop of blood. I moaned, involuntarily, at the feeling of his teeth pulling at my skin, though it was only for a millisecond.

Oliver reared his head back, looking down at me with furrowed brows. He processed what had just happened, assisted by the size of my pupils and the way my lips sat, open, waiting for him to come back. A smirk twisted onto his lips, “Oh, darling…”

He pulled me back in, running his tongue across my bottom lip to clear the blood. My knees were weak. Luckily, he moved, so that he was sitting on the bed and tugged me down into his lap again. He didn’t hesitate to grab my ass, grip on my throat tightening a bit. He moved his lips to my cheek as his movements became painfully slow.

“You’re so pretty, Daisy,” he whispered against the apple of my cheek. I felt his eyelids flutter across my skin as he moved away from my lips. I nearly shivered at the goosebumps, a stark contrast to the heat pooling all over my body.

He moved his other hand to my neck, too, brushing the hair down over the back of my shoulder. In doing so, he placed his hand back where it had been. Then, his lips made their way to my bare skin, right where my neck curved into my shoulder. His sweet, soft kisses suddenly turned into small nips, his teeth tugging at my skin.

I squeaked at the first one, but, then, as he carried on down my neck, I found pleasure in the nipping pain. I gripped at his shoulders, a hand moving to his hair, as my desperation took over my body. I couldn’t sit still anymore. I ground my hips down into his, eliciting a huffed breath from Oliver. I wanted to grin at the power I knew I had over him, but I really just wanted to stay as I was- putty in his hands. I didn’t want any control. I was his to use, his to manipulate. I would do whatever.

But, I did find a little bit of a rhythm in my hips, if only because I needed the friction. I was motivated when I knew it was making him feel good, too. As I did so, Oliver’s lips came to my skin again. They caressed the edge of my earlobe, where I could hear his sweet breathlessness.

“Daisy,” he whispered, nearly moaning my name into my ear.

I shuddered a sharp, audible breath at the sound of this. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed him- everywhere. The anticipation, all of these long weeks- even just this one- it was killing me.

I pressed my forehead against the side of his head, whispering my own words into his ear, “Oliver, please!”

He finally listened. His hand found the bottom hem of my sundress and he quickly tore it from my head. It landed somewhere across the room. Eyes still dropped shut, I went blindly for his hoodie. But, Oliver caught my hands in his, stretching my arms out on either side of us.

I opened my eyes curiously, brows furrowed. His gaze was dragging itself down my swimsuit-clad body, a sly grin on his lips. I blushed at the look on his face and wanted to pull my arms back around myself. But, he held me open. He kept admiring.

“Daisy, darling,” he rolled his eyes back up, over my chest, until he met my stare. A wider grin stretched across his face. “Daisy…you are gorgeous.”

I scrunched up my nose and looked down at our laps. He dropped our hands and took my face in his hold, pulling my eyes back to his. “Don’t do that. We’re not gonna do that, okay? Even if you have to pretend, I won’t let you be ashamed of yourself when we do this, okay? You are…so fucking beautiful.”

I took a deep breath as the sincerity of his words sunk into my skin. I nodded slightly.

Oliver eyed my lips and slowly leaned back into me. This kiss was different. The hunger, the ferocity, slowed. It was almost…loving, gentle. But, then, I moved my hands back to his hair, tugged slightly, and he went back to ravishing me.

I helped Oliver shed his hoodie. Then, I had my turn, admiring his toned chest, scarce of any dark makeup. I didn’t have to say anything to him. I knew that he could read all of my thoughts through my eyes.

What I wanted to say, but couldn’t quite find the words to, was that he was something out of a Greek myth, something untouchable. Something that would never be real.

I drug my fingers down his chest as he kissed me again. I undid his belt. When I tugged at his jeans, I found my footing on the floor, moving off of him, so he could stand to pull the pants down. His hands were back on my body in an instant. Though he began to tug me back on his lap, I had my own plans. Just as I began to crouch down to his knees, Oliver opened his mouth to protest, but-

A knock sounded from the door, followed by a taunting, “Daisy…”

Shit.

Max.

My spine straightened so fast, I thought it would snap in half. Mine and Oliver’s head whipped towards the door, my own gaze widened with utter shock. Oliver formed a fist with his hand, punching the palm of his other in slow defeat.

He looked back to me, fear in his pupils, “What the fuck?”

I shrugged defensively, bewildered. I went to whisper back when Max spoke again. “Daisyyyyyy, darling- I know you’re awake. Was wondering if you wanted to hang today, since we’re both free. Cmon, open up-“ he rapped his knuckles against the door again.

Everything occurred in a desperate haste: Oliver rounded up his clothes, arms stuffed full of them, within five seconds flat. I tracked down his shoes as he did so. Then, I nearly pushed him onto the floor of the bathroom. He stumbled on his feet, barely catching himself on the counter. As the door fell shut, he shot me a panicked, worrisome expression that I could only scrunch my face up at. I didn’t know what he wanted me to do, but he was acting like someone was here to murder him.

I went to the door, sweating a bit, and lay a shaky hand upon the knob. Then, I realized I was half-naked and rushed to pull my dress back on. Before he could knock again, I let Max in, hoping I looked anything but suspicious.

As soon as he came into view, Max was elbowing his way inside. He held a tray with two drinks and a small brown pouch that wafted a delicious smell past me.

He carried an energy that was far too excited for my current nervous stature. “Good morning, darling! Sleep well? I sure did. What are your plans for the day? I’m thinking we lounge out by the pool for a few hours, maybe catch a late lunch, then hit the town? Drop by a few bars? Maybe we can round up the rest of the group, force Oliver out of his self-inflicted prison, have some fun? Yeah?”

As he spoke, Max moved around the room, unloading one of the drinks into my hands, picking out a few napkins, presenting a pastry on the small desk in the corner, seating himself onto the bed all casually with a leg crossed over the other. When he finished, he took a slow sip of his coffee, brows raised expectantly

I toyed with the lid on my drink, eyes darting nervously towards the bathroom. I knew it wasn’t true, but I almost felt like I could hear Oliver’s breathing. Smell his cologne. I worried Max would, too.

Everything would be over.

“Um-“ I cleared my throat. Then, I tried to relax my shoulders and approach Max with a friendly smile. “Yeah! Yeah, that could be fun. I was planning on going down to the pool anyway.”

“Wonderful, darling,” Max approved, “Well, why don’t you go ahead and finish getting ready and we’ll get going.”

I looked around me, trying to remember where I had left off this morning, when Oliver had barged in and interrupted my routine.

“I just need to grab my stuff, actually. I was heading out the door before O-“ I cut myself off from my explanation, lips pinched together in a way that I could only assume looked quite guilty. I swallowed thickly, ashamedly glancing towards the bathroom again. I tried to save myself, “before you started knocking, ha! What a coincidence!”

“Coincidence…” Max followed my glancing gaze. I snapped my eyes back forward, and he met me there. The edges of his pupils seemed to squint, like he was reading between the lines, but he didn’t say anything else. “Well! To the pool we go!”

We were in the clear…for now.

Oliver: i am so fucking sorry

Hes a prick

So fucking daft

God

I love him

But what a bloody idiot

Daisy: LMFAO

I dont even know what to say

I feel bad for you!!

Theres gonna be a witch hunt for you if anyone ever figures it out

Oliver: god dont remind me

Youre so worth it though

We spent hours poolside, like two beached whales, glistening with sweet sweat on our shoulders and sunscreen in our skin. I dipped into the water infrequently, if only to cool myself down, but spent most of my time finishing up a book (texting Oliver between its pages). I cursed Max for his lightly tinted shades, praying to whatever God above that he wasn’t side-eyeing me, that he couldn't see my illicit grins, my quick thumbs.

I tried to get Oliver to come hang out with us. If I couldn't have him to myself, I’d take small doses of him with others. But, as vampiric as he was, laying by the pool was just not something he wanted to do. Besides, in his own words:

Oliver: I just wouldn't be able to be so close to you without doing something

Especially with you in that little bit of cloth you call a swimsuit

I should be a dick and make you squirm

Make you think about me while you’re all peaceful by the pool

Make you think about my hands

My teeth

Daisy: Oliver…

Asshole

Oliver: sorry, darling

But after that incident with the cake?

And that bathing suit

Yeah i think it's my turn

(1 attached photo)

The heat outside was nothing compared to what I felt in my chest. I ensured my jaw was shut tightly, unwilling to let the saliva pooled in my mouth dribble down my chin. Then, I scrounged through my photo albums, cursing myself for having deleted my most intimate photos. Instead, I had to just stare (drool) at the one he’d sent- his hand, his bare stomach, the very edges of his pitch black boxers.

I would never lose this game- I just couldn't. But, in this moment, I was! While I liked being submissive in the end, I enjoyed being the one doing the teasing. That slight upper hand I got from it gave me a headrush. I was, I guess…bratty.

So, I watched Max carefully from the corner of my vision, thankful for my tiny bathing suit. I could make do- if he’d just leave. He was reading his own novel, hunched over a little bit. It had been a while since he’d gone to the bathroom or really even moved. He had to eventually.

My wishing on invisible stars worked because Max excused himself to the bathroom. He first paused to ensure I was doing okay. I thanked him for his concern with an urgent smile, quick nod of my head. And then he was gone.

Daisy: I really don’t get what all this fuss is about. I think this suit covers me up just fine, don’t ya think?

(1 attached photo)

Oliver: behave, miss thing

You have no idea what’s waiting for you

Daisy: sure, sure

Needless to say, Oliver put me on the very edge of my seat all day. I only had the one photo that was taken in the heat of the moment. He had…an empty hotel room and an imagination like any other. He never let me see past those stupid boxers though, holding out on me to only intensify that anticipation.

As was Max’s plan, we grabbed a late lunch. I had hoped we’d change beforehand, but he was so hungry, we had to rush out of the hotel. And, as per usual with Max, he took his good old time eating, strolling leisurely, dropping by every single shop that caught his eye. Don’t get me wrong- it was a lot of fun. I was grateful to have some one-on-one time with him.

But, I knew what- who was waiting for me back at the hotel. So, I was a little distracted.

Eventually, the day was coming to a close. No one really wanted to go out drinking because the band had rehearsals early in the morning. Instead, we were all going to meet up for a light dinner in the hotel bar.

I tried to escape Max as soon as we entered the hotel, but he insisted on walking me to my room. Meanwhile, Oliver was shooting me a dozen messages- he was in his room, he didn’t have a shirt on, and he was waiting for even the shortest possible breath that he could take at my lips.

Max stood outside my door, yapping about some shop lady who had made a joke to us earlier. He kept laughing, kept going over the punchline. It was funny, sure, but I was literally trying to close the door between us, a forced smile aching on my cheeks. We had to be at dinner in just half an hour and I needed to shower. I would sacrifice all that time for Oliver, but I was sure I smelled of sunscreen and sweat. I needed to rush under the hot water, and then rush into his arms.

“Ha! Can you imagine? What kind of-” Max kept going.

I faked another laugh, positive that one of my eyelids was winking shut, visibly displaying the max level of insanity that I felt right now. I took another step back into my room, preparing to bid farewell.

Luckily, Max caught sight of the time. “Holy shit, Daz,” he looked up from his watch, “it’s so late! Sorry to cut our wonderful day short, but we better hit the showers before everyone wonders where we’re at.”

“Ah! Good idea!” I bumped the heel of my hand against my head, shock on my face. Then, I pushed up onto my tiptoes to give him a short kiss to the cheek, “Thank you for today. I really just had the best time ever! Love you, Max!”

Then, as he began to respond, “Aw, darling, me, too! I love you-” I shut the door on him, “Oh- yep! I’ll see you in a bit!”

The speed at which I moved through that hotel room was sure to rip the carpet up off of the floor. I kicked off my sandals, sending one right into the window. It made a loud clanking noise, which I flinched at, before landing on Sam’s bed. But then I was already moving onto my sundress, tearing it off, ripping my swimsuit down my legs, over my head. Once those were off, I jumped in the shower, grateful that I didn’t need to wash my hair so I could do a quick rinse.

I was back out of the shower as quickly as I’d gotten in, doing my hair up into a claw clip, pulling on an outfit that didn’t require much thought, but was still concise enough to be cute. I barely had my phone and purse in hand before I was shooting across the hall, like a chicken crossing the road.

Oliver opened the door before I could even take a breath, tugging me in by my hips.

He had my back pressed up against the door, one of his spare hands already holding the base of my throat like a goddamn rosary. His dark eyes stared down at me, hungry, like he was about to consume every inch of my flesh. I went to say something, brows already lifted on my face in their devious position. In the process, my hands fished for him, grabbing at his shirt.

In one easy moment, Oliver grabbed both of my wrists, stretching my arms up and above my head. He squeezed my throat, ensuring my eyes were on his. My back arched from the movement, my chest pushing through the air as a small whine escaped my lips subconsciously.

Oliver drug his eyes down my body, smirking pleasedly at the movement he drew from my body. “We have five minutes. Shut the fuck up and be a good girl for me, yeah?”

“Okay.”

We weren’t really being realistic about how much time we would get together.

Two minutes later, Oliver was on his knees below me, his large hands bruising either one of my thighs, my hands were entangled in his hair, my underwear were somewhere far across the room, and his breath was ghosting my core. Just as he inched painfully, teasingly closer, someone was knocking on his door.

It was my turn to hide as Adam and Cyrus ushered Oliver from his hotel room, excitedly telling him about some new song they’d just heard. After ensuring in the bathroom mirror that I didn’t look disheveled, I watched through the peephole as they neared the elevators. Oliver peered over his shoulder, the smallest of smiles on his lips. I rolled my eyes. Of course he’d find it funny- he was winning again.

Then, when the hallway seemed clear, I quickly left his room and tried to casually make my way down to the dining room.

Oliver was trying not to laugh, I just knew it- his lips were pressed together, a humored look in his eyes as he pretended to be occupied with the potatoes he mashed around with his dinner fork. I glared at him as I approached the table.

Then, Sam was talking to me, asking me and Max about our busy day and I had to pretend like their best friend hadn’t just been on his knees for me.

This was killing me.

Surely, I thought to myself as dinner came to a close and everyone began heading to bed, surely we would find the time. Surely our luck wasn’t that bad. We’d get some time alone- we just had to.

So, as the elevator that Sam, Ronnie, and I caught closed, and carried us to the fifth floor, I quickly texted Oliver. I crossed my fingers behind my back, hoping, praying, wishing this would work.

Daisy: soon as Sam goes to bed, i can be over

A heavy heat of anticipation sat right on top of my chest, shooting off butterflies in my stomach, making me breathless when I said goodnight to Ronnie.

I waited, patiently, for about an hour- no, exactly an hour and ten minutes. I waited an hour and ten minutes for Oliver to text me back. I stared at the numbers in the top middle of my phone screen as I pretended to read a book. Then, when Sam lay down and shut off all the lights, I rolled onto my side, the dim glow of my screen filling my corner of the room. My eyes glazed over numerous times while each little number morphed into the next. Slowly but painfully surely, the delightful anticipation began to dissipate.

I really wanted to be chill, to be normal and casual and just…go to bed. Accept that maybe he had fallen asleep, maybe his phone had died. Pretend like there wasn’t a small hole sinking in my stomach.

But, I saw him begin typing forty minutes in.

And then he stopped.

And I still waited another half an hour for him to respond.

He never did.

The next morning, I was able to forget about it.

I focused on the productive conversation we’d had in the bus, the one where he set a boundary with me, where he told me he couldn’t really offer me much in terms of connection or romance. The one where I practically begged him to just have me in whatever way he could.

And, I forced myself to stop worrying about the fact that he never responded. The world, after all, did not revolve around me. I needed to be reminded of that and have patience with him. Besides, I wasn’t going to allow myself to feel that- disappointment. Small bits of heartbreak. This meant basically nothing, right? We were just hooking up, hanging out. It wasn’t that big of a deal, like we discussed.

I’m chill with that.

I ate breakfast with the band, discussing with Ronnie some of the best tourist attractions that she suggested I seek out. Oliver was a little late this morning, feet dragging a bit. When I saw him round the corner to the dining room, I sat up just a bit. He seemed tired as he took a seat at the opposite end of the table, hoodie up, as per usual. He didn’t really touch any of his food, but instead nursed a cup of tea. So, I ignored the sinking feeling that came when he didn’t even look at me.

He showed up. That’s what really mattered.

I tried not to be distracted as Ronnie told me about some sort of monument, but it was a struggle when my concern for Oliver was as relevant as it was. There was just something off about him…and it almost felt like it had to do with us, with me. Or maybe I was just reading into things a little too much. Again.

Everyone else finished up their breakfast before me. So, the group broke off before long, a few headed out the door to the venue, some up to their rooms to grab last minute items. I watched as Oliver straggled behind Adam and Cyrus, towards the elevators. When he first stood to follow them, I tried to meet his eye, tried to shoot him a reassuring, encouraging smile. He evaded my gaze. My shoulders dropped a little.

When they were out of sight, I took my phone out and grappled with texting him. I felt like I should, just to see if he was okay. But, then, the part of me that knew there was nothing serious between us fought against that want. It wasn’t weird, right? If I texted him, just to see how he’s doing?

But, then, come to think of it…he never even said good morning to me. So he probably just wanted to be left alone. I should probably just read the signs he was clearly giving and just provide him with some space. He didn’t need me up his ass at every waking moment, constantly expressing my concern for his every move. Especially not after the conversation we’d just had.

I felt a little insecure, a little worried, going back over every interaction we’d had like I was responsible for a grown man’s feelings. I pushed aside the overthinking my brain was ruminating on and decided to just get up, to just get started with my day.

This thing between us was not going to work out if I overanalyzed his every breath, if I let it all get to me. I needed to chill out- just be chill. Cool.

I headed for the elevators, purse slung over my shoulder. The doors were already opened, so I stepped inside. When I faced forward, Oliver was there, following me in, my name barely a greeting off his lips.

“Daisy…”

“Oliver, hey-”

He interrupted me, lips on mine before I could even take a breath. I was taken aback, just briefly, before getting swept up in his soft touches, his hungry mouth. My purse slid off my shoulder. Oliver’s fingers caressed my cheek, my hip, pushing into me until my back was against the wall.

We kissed until the bell dinged, signaling that the doors were opening up to our floor. Oliver pulled back, quickly distancing himself from me. His chest heaved a little, out of breath from our encounter. His pupils were shot, wide, blown up. I furrowed my eyebrows as I carefully eyed him. I was trying to read between the lines here, but I couldn’t.

And he was gone before I could ask for any answers from him.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, rubbing moisturizer into my freshly clean face. Taylor Swift was playing softly on my phone, a subtle soundtrack to my evening routine. It had been another long day of perusing across Europe. My feet ached from the 10 miles I’d walked, my stomach was full from the delicious dinner I caught on the way home, and my brain was buzzing with all of the sights and sounds I’d taken in. I was going to cherish these evenings for the rest of my life.

I had even managed to stop worrying about Oliver, had let the pitiful racing thoughts that had been taking up space in my mind fall away. I was going to be cool about it. I was going to be the chill, casual girl.

What we had, what we were doing, was just hooking up. We hadn’t explicitly agreed on keeping any strings to ourselves, but Oliver had told me he couldn’t really offer any in the first place. And that was okay! It’s not like I needed to be in a relationship anyways. I was going back to school in the fall and I’d probably, honestly, never even see him again after this summer.

Casually hooking up with someone would probably be good for my development, anyways. It would teach me to become more comfortable with my body, to be more patient, to be more understanding. To just chill the fuck out, honestly. Yeah, I’d totally gotten rid of those racing thoughts…ha.

Anyways, even though I wanted to text him, to see what was going on, to see if he was okay, I just wasn’t going to. I was gonna tuck myself into bed, get a goodnight’s rest, and prepare myself for another long day. Focus on me, my happiness, my health.

My plan was going well, too. I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Then, at around midnight, I woke to my phone buzzing on my nightstand.

I lazily brought the device to my ear, murmuring some sort of greeting through half-lidded eyes. “Hello?”

“Come over.”

“What- hello? Oliver?” I sat up in bed, a little jolted by the situation. I spoke in hushed whispers, eyes on Sam’s figure to ensure that he was passed out still.

Oliver’s voice replied in an exhausted tone, “I can’t sleep. Come over.”

I took my sweet time, not wanting to seem desperate, not wanting to be at his beck and call. I pulled a hoodie down over my torso before slipping out of the room. I guided the door shut, flinching when it clicked a little louder than expected. Once I was sure the hall was clear, I headed towards Oliver’s door.

He must have been watching from the peephole, waiting for me to arrive, because as soon as I made it, the door was open and he had his hands on me again. His touch was more desperate than ever before, fingers harsh, tongue rough.

I could barely gasp for air as he gorged on my lips, overfeeding himself. I was growing more concerned for his mental health, considering it seemed like he was displacing whatever he was feeling onto me. I probably already knew what was going on- the stress of the tour, of making the next album, it was all getting to him.

He barely had any time to himself anymore, barely had any chances to breathe, to execute self care. He was overworking himself. He was just exhausted.

I felt guilty kissing him, touching him. It felt exploitive and dirty.

So, when his hands traveled down my body, up under my hoodie, to my pants, I brushed them off of me. I took a big step away from him, reaching out my own touch to keep the distance between us.

“Oliver-” I took a deep breath, trying to ground my dizzy head.

His eyes were bloodshot. He hadn’t tasted like alcohol, so I assumed he must be high. Or he had been crying. I didn’t really know which one.

Whatever exhaustion pooled in his gaze dissipated as it was replaced with worry. He took a small step towards me, palms out in a wary manner. “I’m so sorry- what is it? Are you okay, darling? What did I do?”

My jaw was a little slack, concern drowning my features and tone. “No, no- nothing! Sorry- nothing! You’re good. We’re good. I promise.”

He breathed a sigh of relief as his shoulders slumped a bit forward. “Thank fuck. I thought I hurt you or something.”

“I mean you were being a little rough, but that’s okay,” I managed a breathy chuckle.

Oliver ran hand through his hair, glancing around the room, to his feet, back to me. “Why’d you stop, then? Everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” I emphasized, “I’m more worried about you.”

Oliver sighed, loudly, posture dropping a bit more. He wiped his face as he looked away from me again. “Why?” He sounded annoyed with me.

“I’m not gonna pry, cause I know it’s not my business, but…”

“It’s not,” he cut me off.

I reared my chin back. I thought carefully, choosing my words delicately, as I crossed my arms over my chest, “I know. I know it’s not my business. I just- just want-”

“What?” He spoke impatiently.

“Just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Oliver didn’t respond. He stared at the floor beside my slippers, as though he could bore a hole with his eyes, sink into it, and slip away from this moment. I looked past his head. I didn’t want to pressure him with pervasive eye contact.

Then, after a minute or two, I heard him sniffle. I still didn’t move too much, but ran my eyes over his face. He wiped away a few tears. Oliver bit into his bottom lip, which wobbled around a bit. He didn’t want to give into the emotions overwhelming his nervous system, but he was going to have to.

I couldn’t hold myself away from him any longer. He needed connection, touch, gentleness. So, I walked right up to him and hugged him, tugging his head down into the crook of my neck. I felt his arms squeeze my entire self into him, like an anchor at his shores, calming his seas.

For the next twenty minutes, we stood there, my heart sitting just underneath his own, beating into one another. He didn’t really cry too much, probably unwilling to. I didn’t like to cry in front of others either. It was vulnerable, too vulnerable.

We just hugged each other. I caressed my fingers through his hair, hoping to soothe him, to provide solace. He just squeezed me back, tight as ever. It felt really good. I wasn’t going to pull away first, but he eventually did.

He let out one of those embarrassed laughs, wiped the tears clean off his cheeks, and moved to sit on the bed. I offered a kind smile, but still didn’t say anything. He would come to me with whatever was on his mind whenever he felt ready to.

“Sorry…about- that. Probably, uh- probably weird.”

“Not at all,” I waved him off, moving slowly towards him.

He looked up to me, his palms resting on the edge of the bed, and motioned for me to sit. I did.

“I’m just…just tired,” he shrugged.

I knew it was more than that. I knew that he harbored a lot of negative feelings towards himself, something he had confirmed for me just last week. He held himself up to a crazy standard and, of course, never met those expectations. No human being ever could.

I wouldn’t convince him of this fact, not in just one moment together. But, I could tell him one thing that he probably needed to hear. Something he’d value and treasure for longer than just a moment.

“I’m proud of you,” I spoke softly, turning my head to meet his eyes.

He didn’t say anything. He just swallowed, rubbed his lips together, thought long and hard. Then, he glanced away, brought his eyes back to mine and nodded, just once. I saw the words slot themselves into his mind, stored away for just him to hold onto. I knew he valued my opinion, so even though it wouldn’t fix his issues, it would provide some support. Support was the only way to get to recovery, to healing.

Oliver set his hand on mine, a thoughtful look in his eyes. “When I first met you, you told me you were trying to discover life this summer. To find deeper meaning. The more I get to know you, the more I disagree with that.”

“Oh?” I furrowed my brows. “And why’s that?”

“It’s just not accurate,” he shrugged, “you have so much meaning. You’re…you’re so sweet. And kind. And intentional with everything you do. You put so much goodness out with even just your gaze. I just…”

I stared up at him with, I’m sure, these big dopey eyes. Words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I really like you, Oliver.”

He frowned slightly as he brought a hand to my face, thumb brushing the apple of my cheek. I searched his eyes and couldn’t find the answer needed for what I had said. So, the distant smile on my face twisted upside down, worry lacing my features. Had I gone too far?

“I know, darling,” was all he said.

Moments of silence passed between us.

I knew he couldn’t give me much, but maybe now that my feelings were out there, clear as day, written in the sand, maybe it would help him feel more secure about whatever this was. Maybe he’d jump in with me. After all, I was scared, too. Hell, as of this morning I wasn’t looking for a relationship. But- we could be good together. He could be good for me. I know I would be good for him.

Maybe we could l-

“I don’t know that I communicated this to you well enough,” Oliver went on.

“It’s okay…”

Oliver glanced away, seemingly ashamed of whatever he was gonna say. “I can’t be in a relationship with you, Daisy. I just…I’m not good. I’m not ready. I don’t want to hurt you. I think you deserve better. We’re on different paths- I have a million excuses.”

I don’t know how I managed to avoid the tears because I could feel them threatening me from behind my eyes. But, I did. I put on this facade, acted out the role. Stood, nodding slowly, painting a sweet smile on my face.

“It’s okay. I understand. I’ll just…I’m gonna leave,” I headed for the door.

But, Oliver was grabbing my hand. “I don’t want you to. I know it…it’s so selfish of me, but I want you anyways. We have two more months before you have to go home- so who says we can’t just be casual, have fun for the rest of summer? I’d…I know I can’t ask that of you, but…I’d like that.”

I would hate him for this. I would hate myself for it, too.

But, having pieces of him was better than nothing.

I could push aside my feelings- fuck, I was already getting good at it.

I would be the cool girl, even if it killed me.

Even if it killed us.

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