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southslates · 3 years

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still with hearts beating

for the @grishaversebigbang reverse mini bang 2021!

i was lucky to work with the amazing @erandraws and @fricklefracklefloof :)

tags: nina/inej, sleeping beauty inspired

summary: The girl raised an eyebrow at her. “You don’t strike me as one who’s keen to abide by rules,” she teased. Nina blushed. The girl was right— she typically wasn’t. “I don’t know how to get to the palace,” she said. “Well,” the girl smiled, “I’m here, and I do.”

ao3 link

Nina grew up with Grisha. She loved them and all their edges— life with them was strange, but she was one of them, and she knew she belonged to their ways. She could not control the air like Zoya Nazyalensky, nor the earth like David Kostyk, but she learned from the orders of the hearts and heads, and she learned of blood and life and human features.

And yet she always knew she was different from the rest. While the others might have been content to live in the outskirts and cottages of Ravka, practicing in harmony and ruling a secret kingdom, she longed for more. But Zoya had told her, from a young age, that the life of the ordinary mortals at the palace was not for her.

Nina felt uncomfortable in her own skin sometimes, uncomfortable in the cottages. There was more written in the stars for her than she had, she knew this. And she felt that Zoya and Alina and Genya knew this too— she could feel their heartbeats when they hovered over her at night, whispering underneath their breaths. She could sense their eyes on her back, the way they paid her just a bit more attention than the rest of those her age.

One day, Nina had a dream— a dream about a girl wearing purple and a knife to her throat, and of leaving the Grisha’s cottages and houses and going to the palaces and towns of the normal humans. The girl made her heart race, and she woke up after it with stars in her eyes.

The next day she turned sixteen, and she was in the forest. Malyen had led her out to it, to show her the animals of the forest. He always wanted to convince her to hunt, but she could not hurt innocent animals. The rest of the Grisha were throwing a party for her in the cottages, she knew. They’d wanted to distract her by sending her out amongst the foliage.

Their plot worked. Nina left Malyen with his sticks and stones and wandered across to the streams of the forest. She loved sitting in the middle of them, feeling the life in the trees and on the earth all around her.

“I feel like they’re all anticipating something,” she said aimlessly into the woods. “They’ve never celebrated a birthday like this before, even if it is my coming-of-age.” She paused. “Do you think they’d let me go now? They seem to be in a good mood.”

It was at that moment someone dropped out of a tree. Nina shrieked before that person placed a warm hand over her mouth. “Don’t say anything.”

Nina moved her eyes up and took in the figure that had just jumped up on her. It was a girl who couldn’t be much younger than her, with deep Suli skin and beautiful eyes. She was wearing a purple gown and had the slightest smile on her face. Nina knew, immediately, that this was the girl from the dream.

She nodded a bit and the girl removed her hand from Nina’s face. “I couldn’t help but overhear,” she said, “that you’ve never gone to the palace or the towns before.”

The girl let her hand drop until it was clutching Nina’s, almost as though she was about to kiss it. Nina didn’t know why her heart was racing. “I haven’t,” she said.

“Why?” the mysterious girl questioned.

Nina shrugged. “I’ve just never been allowed to.”

The girl raised an eyebrow at her. “You don’t strike me as one who’s keen to abide by rules,” she teased.

Nina blushed. The girl was right— she typically wasn’t. “I don’t know how to get to the palace,” she said.

“Well,” the girl smiled, “I’m here, and I do.”

“I don’t even know who you are,” Nina swallowed.

She only received a slight wink back in turn. “And why should that stop you?”

The girl’s name was Inej. She bounded through the forest like her feet were made of water and fire all at once, her hand clutched in Nina’s. Nina didn’t know why she was following a virtual stranger out of all she’d ever known, but she couldn’t think straight around Inej.

In half a day’s time, they came to a road. The large palace was clearly in sight from it, and Nina looked up at it in wonder. “I had no idea it was so close.”

Inej murmured something Nina couldn’t quite understand and then tugged her closer. “You’d like to go, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course,” Nina said.

The streets were empty on the way to the palace, a walk which took them quite a few more hours. Nina questioned why, and Inej smiled at her. “The King and Queen are awaiting the Grisha today.”

“For what?” Nina questioned.

Inej shrugged. “I don’t quite know. But there’s a big celebration planned for the evening. We’ll run across it soon.”

Eventually, they did run across it. Plenty of peasants and nobles alike were in front of the palace— a festival of sorts was taking place. Inej walked Nina through the crowd definitively, but Nina held back after a moment.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“To the palace,” Inej said.

“But why are all these people here?” Nina asked. Inej’s beautiful face suddenly creased in worry.

A shop vender had heard Nina’s last words, and bent next to her and laughed. “The Queen is sick. Supposedly she can be healed by only one of ‘em Grisha-witchies, that’s been hidden for years from the druskelle, yer know.”

Nina looked at the shopkeeper with wary eyes. “You mean a Healer or Heartrender?”

“Yeah, yeah,” they said. “Not really liked around here, yeah. Plenty of druskelle trying to get into the city. They don’t like the Ravkan Queen, they don’t.”

Nina knew enough of the world to understand what the druskelle were, and she was intelligent enough to put the pieces of this puzzle together. “No,” she whispered, looking at Inej, whose face had fallen. “Is this why you’ve brought me here?”

“I’m sorry,” Inej said, and the last thing Nina knew there was a man standing over her and the world went black.

Nina dreamt.

She dreamt of the druskelle, of large men with dogs.

She dreamt of a palace and of Inej, a girl with knives.

In her dreams, Inej wore black armor and a cape and went into armor. She saw the druskelle attempt to come to Ravka— she saw Inej bring them down, with four men at her side; one with a cane and a frown, one with an angelic face and bombs in his hand, one a pale druskelle standing against the odds, and the last a Durast she had never seen before.

And then one day, Nina woke up.

At her bedside sat Zoya and Alina and Genya, and to the left was Inej. The first thing she did in her sleepy haze was raise her hands and move the blood in Inej’s veins. “What have you done?”

“Nina!” Zoya said. Nina let Inej fall and fell back on her bed. “Leave her.”

“She brought me here—”

“She saved us,” Zoya said. “All of us.” At Nina’s confused stare, she rolled her eyes and continued. “All of Ravka has been asleep for the past however many years— it was Inej who brought the fight to the Kerch and got rid of the druskelle and whatever strange magic they had used to keep you entranced. We must be thankful for her crew.”

In the next minutes, the entire story unraveled. Alina and Genya spoke of what had occurred in the time past, and Nina’s heart softened for the girl who had betrayed her— who had truly just been forced to do the unspeakable under a terrible, terrible contract. Inej looked at her with soft eyes.

And then Genya tugged the other women away. Nina sat up a bit and stared at Inej. Inej looked at her with the slightest hint of a dark blush on her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“I know,” Nina said.

She wasn’t sure who initiated it— all she knew was that a moment later they were kissing, Nina in the bed and Inej to the side. Inej tasted like freedom and secrecy at the same time, and Nina wanted to be in that moment forever.

“Thank you for saving me,” she said earnestly. “And Ravka.”

Inej nodded at her and pressed both of their hands together. “I would hope we can get reacquainted in better circumstances.”

“Yes,” Nina laughed. “Most definitely.”

#gvbb21 #gvbbminibang21 #grishaverse mini bang #gang 10 #i think #ninej #nina zenik #inej ghafa #wlw #sleeping beauty #six of crows #shadow and bone

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kathyreviewsbooks · 2 years

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Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo

Rating: 5/5

Summary: King. General. Spy. All three have their parts to play. As Fjerda's army prepares for war against Ravka, there's another darkness looming that cannot be defeated by a demon king's gift for the impossible. Ravka is about to be thrown into a war and it might end up having to face a war on two fronts. The storm witch, the general, has to become what her country needs no matter the cost. The storm witch has lost too much and refuses to lose anyone else. The spy, the queen of mourning, is waging war on Fjerda from within its capital. In grief and mourning, her revenge may just end up costing her country their freedom.

Review: This books was great, i really loved it. I sped through it and couldn't put it down. This book was a rollercoaster of emotions. It had me sobbing as much as it had me crying. The plot was amazing, i loved all of the twists and turns this book had. There was a lot of political intrigue which i really loved. All of the characters were great and it was amazing to see them grow and develop. I had been considering dropping this book down to 4.5 stars simply because I didn't like how the situation with the darkling was resolved, but everything else about this book outweighed that.

The characters, as previously mentioned, developed amazingly. I fell even more in love with Zoya and grew to really want to see more of her by the end of the book. I'm sad it's the last book in the grishaverse series. Nikolai really grew and embraced his flaws along with his skills. I grew even more attached to him and he has my entire heart. My comfort character in this book had me sobbing and they deserved to be happy dammit. Nina was amazing and it was great to see her relax with Hanne develop.

I am absolutely in love with this book and the flow of the pacing. Leigh did a great job and I can be satisfied with this being the last book in the grishaverse series. I love that we got to see the crows again in this book (except for Matthias because….yeah…). Anyways! I'm in love. This book is definitely fighting with Crooked Kingdom for which one is my favorite book of the year so far.

TWs: addiction, gore, suicide, confinement, mention of rape, medical experimentation, death, war

Rep: Queer main characters, side character who falls under the trans umbrella, mixed main character

#book reviews #book tumblr #books #kathyreviewsbooks #bookish #bookworm #book reviewer #leigh bardugo #rule of wolves

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duskroine · 3 years

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identity.

Who are you?

“ I am Ophelia Dusk! A heroine of legacy and virtue -- a follower of the stars! ”

And who are you?

“ You haven’t heard of my name? It is I, Ophelia Dark! The greatest swords-woman in all of ᖇ E ᗪ ᗩ ᑕ T E ᗪ! ”

Then... who are you?

“ Princess Ophelia Dawn, fairest in all the land no matter where my legend takes the ears of the curious! ”

Y o u a r e n o b o d y.

. . .

The throne is cold beneath her. Frigid against silk and frills and lace. Her cape is longer -- uniform replaced for a gown. Her circlet crown is tight around her head. The shield to her empty, empty mind.

Protection.

Footsteps echo off the pristine walls. Windows tinted and glass stained with gold ( It’s the gold around her wrist ) and blood ( It’s the blood she coughed up earlier that morning ).

Security.

The person stops before her -- a cloak pulled over their head but their lips quiver behind the shadow cast over their face. She can see the way their cheeks hollow and cave in -- as if they didn’t fit their face. Their wrists are small, barely caught in the shackles around them.

Trust.

Everything she couldn’t give her people.

. . .

Huh... her people?

“ Is that all I am to you? ”

She shakes her head -- her body nods instead.

A scoff falls from their lips. It’s sunken ( like their cheeks ). As if the life had not only been sucked from their body, but their mind, too. Soulless and without shelter. This kingdom isn’t their home. It isn’t hers either.

“ All you royals are the same... ”

She plants her feet on the ground -- her body forces her to rise. Lightning dances over her palm, fingers, and wrist. She knows the dance before it’s even carried out. Before the curtains, velvet and silk, are pulled back. She knows the song before it’s sung. Pages and pages of blank lyrics -- the incantation burns her throat as it crawls up into her mouth.

“ A bunch of sick, twisted bastards. ”

Her hand rises from her side.

“ How does the power taste, Princess? Is it fresh, served off a-- ”

Silver platter. She knows their words before they speak them; maybe that’s why the lightning travels so easily through their body. She knows them, and they must know her. They do know her. ( The real her? Or this her? ) Her finger touches their forehead -- it was a mistake to bow to a fake, wasn’t it?

They makes too much noise when they die.

Tyrant. Tyrant. Tyrant.

The circlet crown tightens around her head just as her fingers press harder against theirs.

Tyrant. Tyrant. TYRANT.

Dusk colors the sky and strikes the stained glass of the throne room’s windows. The person’s eyes glow; Ophelia’s torture is open for all to see. The people see her through the walls of her castle. Through her hundreds of soldiers. Through her own eyes. Through her skin and decisions and her.

Tyrant. TYRANT. TYRANT.

She’s a tyrant. Maybe... maybe in another life, she isn’t. The knowledge of royalty will remain a secret to that young, eccentric Ophelia. She’ll be able to practice magic and serve someone -- no more ruling for a dead princess. She’ll die a tyrant.

CURSED TYRANT!!

She pulls her hand away when the person stops shaking, almost abruptly. They’re eyes flutter, crimson irises now shine a bright aquamarine. She stares, harder. Stares through him and at the entrance of the throne room. Maybe even farther. Maybe to a new home, one that she could have lived in.

Her hand is heavy; black stains the back of it.

Ophelia does not remember this mark. Tyranny. She does not remember whether she should be afraid or pleased. She does not remember if it is the bane of her existence.

. . .

Her circlet is loose, pressed underneath a headband.

...Nina’s.

Lysithea’s fingers weave into her own, hands pressed together as the smaller of the two girls shuffle closer to the other. Ophelia’s exhale sticks in her mouth. Afraid but courageous. Alone but in the company of others. Sensitive to colors but aquamarine continues to glow in the corners of her vision. Here but her body feels light, as if she’ll float out of this reality and into a different one. Maybe her real one.

Ophelia remembers the mark on her hand. Tyranny. She remembers tears and screaming and hands reaching out for her. She remembers a throne and a meadow and a lost battlefield. She remembers a wedding...

She remembers that none of those memories are truly hers.

#toaunlocked2021 #unlockedwesternfaerghus2021 #ᴏʜ ᴀ ꜱᴇᴀʀᴄʜ ɪ ᴍᴜꜱᴛ ꜰᴜʟꜰɪʟʟ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴀʀꜱ ᴡɪʟʟ ɢᴜɪᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ. ( drabbles )#{ tw // death }#{ sometime this morning i had written down a drabble idea in my notes app.. here's one of them? }#{ lysithea bestie is gonna be in another drabble too }#{ NO BUT REALLY!!! they're friendship has me very very uuuuuwwewehewhwaseww }#{ ylisse being the country is very vague for the small point of: i don't brain enough for it }

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anonniemousefics · 4 years

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The Deal Is The Deal

Originally posted on AO3

Fandom: Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom | Kaz + Inej

Word count: 7,774

***Rating: NSFW (aged-up characters) -- I’m gonna say this is a 7 on the smut scale***

This piece follows The Trouble With Wanting and is best read second.

Synopsis: Kaz Brekker is not a useless podge who mopes and stews over his personal problems. Kaz Brekker makes deals. Kaz Brekker enforces. Kaz Brekker stays twenty steps ahead. (Or that’s at least what he tells himself.)

Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason, but the right reason made him damn near unstoppable. Or at least, that’s what he told himself. Part of crafting a persona your enemies feared involved a considerable amount of convincing yourself of your own fearlessness. And Kaz was very good at convincing. Kaz Brekker always got what he wanted. That’s what he told himself.

Because Inej Ghafa was his perfect reason. Ketterdam had tried to break her a thousand times more than it had broken him, and still she was a better person than he could ever hope to be. He’d always believed the world would be better off if Inej had her way in all things. Making that reality had now become his singular focus.

He had sat in this same spot many times before, at his desk chair in Per Haskell’s old office on the main floor of the Crow Club, considering the terms of their deal and how he would fulfill them. Kaz Brekker was not a useless podge who moped and stewed over his personal problems. Kaz Brekker made deals. Kaz Brekker enforced. Kaz Brekker stayed twenty steps ahead.

(That’s what he told himself.)

Inej had laughed at him when he’d framed it in this way – their deal. But he didn’t mind. If he ever became stranded on a desert island, he could have lived off her laugh alone.

“You can’t just call it something normal?” she had asked him, over a year ago.

They were sitting on the tiles of the roof of The Slat when Inej said this, a blanket of stars overhead. A half-empty bottle of kvas had sat between them, an unspoken boundary he wasn’t sure which one of them would attempt to cross first. Probably her, that’s what he was betting. She always had been braver than he.

“Is what we’re dealing with normal?” Kaz countered.

“A relationship where two people have problems?” said Inej, and she rolled her eyes. “No, you’re absolutely right. We’re revolutionaries.”

“You know what I mean.” Kaz shot her a sideways look. Inej sighed in reluctant acknowledgement. All Kaz had to do to know how the odds were stacked against them was to walk down the street. Men and women all over Ketterdam could hold hands, casually kiss on their way out of their front doors, fuck in dark alleys when they thought they were alone. Kaz and Inej were, as much as they hated it, different.

The only way forward, the only way Kaz knew, was to strike a deal.

“I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know anything about relationships, Inej,” he said, “but I do know deals. And I know how to con. And that’s what will save this.”

“Enlighten me,” Inej drawled. She was raising an eyebrow, her head propped up on her arms as she wrapped them around her knees. Guarded, Kaz noted, and with good reason. He wasn’t offering her romance, and for that, he felt a twinge of shame. Somewhere in him had to be a better man for her, and he hoped it wouldn’t take too long to unearth him. Damn it all, he would try.

“You want me.” He could say it now with more confidence, but it still sounded unbelievable. “And I want you. Mind, body, and soul.”

“Hm.” Inej hummed her approval, lifting her head just a bit. In the dim light from the streets below, he could see a tiny smile play on her lips.

“Those are the terms of the deal. Simple enough, really. Unfortunately,” he stretched out his bad leg, leaning back on his hands, “our bodies are not holding up their end of the bargain. And what do we do when cocky little sods won’t follow through on their deals?”

Inej unfurled her legs then, leaning back as he had. She wore a cheeky half smile as she clucked her tongue with a pitying sigh.

“Penalties,” she said.

“Exactly,” Kaz nodded. “We collect. We learn their histories, we learn their motives, we learn what they love, what they hate, what frightens them, what bores them. We learn all this so we can apply the perfect amount of pressure, combined with just the right leverage.”

“I can’t believe this is making sense.” Inej was shaking her head in disbelief as she took a swig from the bottle.

“The deal is the deal, Inej,” Kaz said. He shifted so he was looking at her face, the thick braid that fell over her slender shoulder. “And if our deal is to each other, and our bodies are violating our terms, then I swear to learn everything I can to give you the leverage you need to break this stupid sod.” And he thrust a hand against his chest to drive the point home.

“He is not a stupid sod,” Inej said, tenderly, her brown eyes sparkling, and slowly, she pressed her fingers over his on his chest. Kaz swallowed hard, feeling his heart in his throat. Alive. Alive. Alive, he told himself. Her flesh was warm, dry, living, her pulse in her palm. Different. Good. Deep breath. Alive.

When his heart rate slowed again, he wrapped her fingers in his and pressed a quick kiss to the back of her hand. Alive. Good. It was good. And her smile that followed, breathtaking.

Worth it.

“And I swear the same to you,” Inej promised. She leaned closer so that their shoulders brushed, and she looked up at him through oil-black lashes. He could smell her hair in the night breeze, the sweet coconut oil she used. Intoxicating. Thank her Saints this world isn’t a just one, he thought to himself. He was sure he’d done nothing to deserve such a face. “They say Kaz Brekker never met a safe he couldn’t crack,” she went on. “I suppose I shouldn’t doubt you can figure out my combination.”

His mouth felt dry and his slacks a little tighter as she leaned over and pressed a quick kiss on his lips. It was barely a peck, but for the first time, it wasn’t enough. He found himself leaning forward, eyes closed, even as she pulled away. From the smirk she wore when he opened his eyes to her, she had noticed.

“I might like your metaphor better,” he confessed, his voice hoarse. And Inej laughed.

That was their deal. Conduct reconnaissance. Apply pressure. Utilize leverage. Crack the safe.

Nina Zenik would have a field day with these innuendoes, he realized. If it had been an actual contract, he should have considered some kind of non-disclosure clause.

Getting sloppy, Brekker.

He had his black-trousered legs propped up on the desk, trying to quickly wolf down the sandwich Pim had brought in for him from a nearby street vendor. He knew he ought to have taken the walk himself. It helped to stretch out his bad leg a few times a day or taking the stairs up to The Slat would be nearly impossible. But he was up to his tie knot in paperwork, and he got distracted far too easily these days. There were reminders of her everywhere.

This chair, for example. He was torn between saving it forever, maybe casting in bronze, or replacing it completely for the sake of his work ethic. It was there, barely a month ago, that they’d somehow found themselves late one night while Inej was portside. He couldn’t even remember now why they hadn’t gone upstairs to The Slat. Maybe it had been the crowd in the Crow Club. Didn’t matter. He’d locked the door, and one thing had led to another, and somehow he’d ended up sitting in this exact chair, Inej straddling his lap.

He thought he’d died and gone to heaven. There were no waters lapping at his ankles. Jordie’s ghost was apparently growing disinterested in his little brother’s dalliance. And Inej showed no signs of vanishing. Rather the opposite. She was above him, running her hands from his chest to his hair, her lips desperate for his. He’d even forgotten to take off his gloves, but she didn’t seem to care as he traced the slope of her hips, the curves of her muscled thighs that gripped either side of his.

“I want you,” she gasped between heated kisses. She held his jaw in her hands, demanding.

“You have me,” he rasped. He slid his hands up the lithe curve of her waist, where the base of her ribs flared with every ragged breath.

“I want to touch you.” Kaz thought he was seeing stars as she worked her lips over his jawline to the shell of his ear. She nipped at his earlobe, and he shivered. “But I’m not ready for you to touch me yet,” she whispered there.

At that, Kaz pulled back from her a moment, hovering his hands over her body. He tried to be a quick student of her, of this maddening, irresistible lock of hers. He knew well enough that when the lock said stop, you damn well stopped.

“Are you ok?” He gave her a quick, concerned assessment. Her demons were cunning, but they were becoming easier for him to spot. But in that moment, Inej was rosy-cheeked and biting her lip, her dark, thick braid coming loose around her face and shoulders. She was breathless, her breasts rising and falling just inches from his body. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t lost sleep wondering when he was going to hold them again, but he wasn’t about to press the issue. Patience. Leverage. That was their deal.

Inej leaned into him, sliding her arms over his shoulders as her breasts pressed against his chest.

“I’m just gathering information,” she insisted, meeting his lips again, just once. “Leverage.” Another kiss to his jaw. He felt like a human stick of butter, sliding down a pan. “Pressure.” And she ground her hips against his, rubbing against his cock so that it throbbed. The sound that came up from his chest was not one he’d ever heard from his body before.

“You do not have to do this, Inej,” he said, in spite of himself, still wary of the last time they’d pushed into new territory.

Inej sat back so that he could see her full face, the streetlight from outside glowing orange behind her black hair like a halo. He searched her soft brown eyes, not understanding the look on her face.

“That’s exactly why I want to,” she said, softly.

It was moments like this Kaz could almost hear the sound of lock tumblers clicking into place.

He sat back, his gloved hands gripping on the arms of his chair.

“I’m all yours, Inej,” he said, his voice husky. He trusted her with his demons. He trusted her with his life.

She had her hands on his torso, raking her eyes over his body, and he felt like he might catch fire. These men who bought their pleasure in brothels could never know the thrill of being so desperately wanted, and, for a moment, he almost pitied them. Almost.

“It doesn’t bother you, when I sit on you like this?” Inej asked, flicking a glance up at him. Kaz could only shake his head, dumbly. If she only knew how incredible she looked up there. They built monuments to this kind of glory.

“And it doesn’t bother you when I do…this?” Inej palmed her hand against his cock, and Kaz drew in a sharp breath. Had she asked a question? Was he meant to answer?

“This,” he was stammering as she slowly stroked his cock through his trousers, “this is what you want?” He wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t dreaming.

Over him, Inej nodded, her eyes dark and smoldering. The leather on his gloves creaked as he tightened his hands on the chair. He wouldn’t try to touch her, not without instruction. Those were her terms.

Outside the locked office door, the sounds of drunken laughter and broken glass bottles rose as Kaz’s head slipped back against the chair with a groan. Inej kept her eyes trained on him, like she was hungry, devouring his every movement as she applied pressure, slowly stroking him from hilt to head and back again. As his eyes slipped close, his breathing deepening, she leaned in against him again, her body hot and taut, planting kisses up his neck.

In that moment, he didn’t give a single fuck about anything else, not revenge, not profit, not the Dime Lions, not the ghosts of his past. There was only Inej. His Inej. The girl he was determined give the world to, just you wait.

“Inej,” he breathed, and he felt her smile against his face.

“It’s good?” she whispered, checking. Good? That was a pitiful word for what it was. And if he wasn’t currently losing all sense of time and space, he’d have offered a better word.

“This is good information, Brekker,” she crooned in his ear.

Kaz was sure he’d never been so hard in his life. He clenched his fists tighter, his breath quickening, and vowed to meet this offer in equal exchange as soon as he could.

“I’m going to be a better man for you, Inej,” he heard himself spout, maybe a little too loud. He was panting, shaking. There was a crest rising inside of him, a wave of energy stronger than any he’d felt before.

“You don’t need to--” Inej started to say when Kaz let out a moan.

“I’m going to love you the way you deserve,” he swore with a gasp.

“You do; you already do,” and Inej covered his mouth with hers as he broke apart beneath her, a low moan against her lips as the wave crashed over him, sending him out into the sky.

And he didn’t care so much in the moment how gross he felt in his slacks, as Inej leaned her forehead against his. His chest heaved while he caught his breath, still coming down from the clouds, and she whispered to him, “I say your name when I touch myself, too.”

So, the chair had to go. Or stay. Whatever. Either way, in its current state, the paperwork was mounding up, and she was due back any day now, and he had to get caught up. This was not how he wanted to be spending his time while she was back in Ketterdam.

“Kaz!” Jesper Fahey shoved open the office door with a shout, startling Kaz.

“Shit, Jes. Knock,” Kaz swore. “I could have been indisposed.”

“Sure,” Jesper rolled his eyes in disbelief. Kaz pressed back a smirk to himself, thinking of the chair. Maybe the chair stayed after all.

“So, it’s true, then.” Jesper strode to the middle of the office, folding his arms. “There is a mattress in your office.”

Kaz glanced at what Jesper now pointed at, accusingly. It was true. The mattress was pushed vertical up against the wall, to keep it out of the way while he worked during the day.

“Astute of you to notice,” Kaz grunted, pulling at the next piece of paperwork in the pile. Expense reports. This one was last month’s? Fuck.

“Pim and Anika are worried about the mattress in your office,” Jesper said. “So, Kaz, why is there a mattress in your office?”

“I’m having construction done on The Slat,” Kaz shrugged, which was true. “I can’t sleep up there until it’s done.”

“That’s it?” Jesper glared at him, incredulous, his eyes in slits.

“There is no mystery here, Jes.” Kaz spread his hands out wide. “There is construction upstairs, so I sleep down here.”

“This is weird. Even for you,” Jesper frowned. “Anika thought maybe your leg was getting worse. Like you couldn’t make it up the stairs.”

“I can still beat your ass up and down those stairs. Happy? I have work.”

“So, what are you having done to The Slat?” Jesper was leaning against the far wall, his arms still crossing, looking about as moveable as a mountain. Kaz chewed on the inside of his lip.

“I just wanted running hot water,” he lied. Well, it was true enough, anyway. There would be running hot water up in The Slat when all was said and done.

He wasn’t ready to tell Jesper the real reason, what had happened six months ago that had snowballed into him sleeping on a narrow mattress at night in his office. He didn’t want to admit why aloud, but deep down, he was always waiting for the day when Inej had had enough of this, their deal, enough of him. It would break him when that happened, he knew it would. And if he had to break the news of it to Jesper, too, broken and in shambles… he just couldn’t imagine doing it. It was safer for everyone, Kaz included, if no one knew.

He’d thought that day had come six months ago. Why it hadn’t was only a testament to Inej’s undying patience.

Sometimes, when Kaz’s bad leg hurt in the night, it helped to walk the streets. He liked to think it made him look unpredictable. You never knew at what hour Dirtyhands could appear. A short stroll around the block could get the blood flowing in his leg and send a message to the thugs and goons lurking about the dark alleys at night all in the same half hour. Efficiency at its finest.

He took a slow walk that night. He’d spent too many hours at his desk that day, and his leg was stiff and the ache was constant. It was when he’d paused past the glow of a street lamp that he sensed the shadows flit about behind him, and, without moving his weight from his cane, he began to reach for the revolver in his coat pocket.

“Kaz, it’s just me.” Inej’s whisper stopped him, and as he turned to the alleyway, his girl was leaping silently from a fire escape and his heart stuttered. She could land on her feet like a cat and throw back her braid when she stood, not a bead of sweat on her.

Kaz checked the streets, back and forth, but saw no one.

“You’re following me,” he observed, and was it weird he was flattered? “I wasn’t expecting you to dock until tomorrow.”

“We caught a strong current,” said Inej, who kept to the shadows and leaned against the side of the alley. “And it’s not that I don’t trust your new spider, but I don’t trust your new spider.”

Kaz huffed a laugh. Anika was learning, but it was true there would never be another Wraith.

“Find anything interesting?” he asked.

“Your reign of terror here is making these streets rather boring,” Inej shrugged. “No one’s tried to mug me or shank me all night.”

“I gave the muggers and the shankers the night off. Tuesday nights are strictly for public urination.”

“Is that what you’re doing out and about?”

“Change starts at the top, Inej. No one gets immunity in the Barrel.”

Inej stifled a laugh behind her fingerless gloves, and Kaz desperately wanted to kiss her.

“Were you going to stop by tonight?” he asked instead.

“Depended on what I found,” she replied.

“And?”

“If you’ll have me.”

If he would have her? Saints. Perhaps he hadn’t been clear enough. He would have her every day for the rest of his life if she wanted.

“I’ll meet you in The Slat,” he said instead.

He thought about kissing her all the way home, and he climbed the stairs as quickly as his throbbing leg would allow. But when he locked the door and turned to face her, Inej was sitting on the edge of his narrow bed, her slim body looking a little slouched, as she hid a yawn behind her hand. Of course, she was exhausted. And he offered her something he’d never offered before: a place in his bed for the night.

She’d looked both a little nervous and a little intrigued by the concept, and eventually gave in. He offered her one of his nightshirts to sleep in and couldn’t help himself from gazing over her bare legs, the way the thin fabric skimmed over the supple curve of her ass.

They decided the night was just for sleeping, and while Kaz waited for drowsiness to overtake the ache in his leg, he kept glancing over at her asleep on the pillow next to him, her thick black hair spilling over the cotton like ink, her soft lashes splayed against her golden brown skin. He thought he could die happy after this.

But then, in the dead of night, everything changed.

Kaz awoke with a start, his heart pounding, when Inej screamed, terrified, pummeling at him with closed fists. He recognized the signs instantly; nightmares plagued his sleep regularly, too. He snatched at one of her wrists, trying to stop her from hitting him in the face.

“Inej! Inej!” His voice was hoarse from sleep. “Inej, it’s Kaz. It’s Kaz.”

Her eyes weren’t even open, and, as he tried to restrain her, she pulled one of her knives from under her pillow and leapt atop of him, straddling his torso with Sankta Elizabeta at his jugular in an instant.

“Inej,” he tried again, but his own voice was starting to shake.

She was slick in cold sweat, and her thighs now pressed on either side of his bare abdomen, wet flesh trapping him, pressing in on him. He was having trouble drawing a breath. Nausea churned in his stomach. He forgot all about the knife at his throat. What did it matter when the sea waves were crashing in over him, filling his mouth, his nose, his lungs…

Inej was blinking her eyes and dropped her weapon with a horrified cry.

But all he saw were her vacant eyes, purple bruising blooming from their rims, bloat rotting at her jaw. And he was drowning under her.

“Kaz! Kaz!” Inej took his face in her shaking hands, as if she could pull him back from the darkness that was overtaking him.

“Stop,” he tried to rasp, but it was barely audible. Her hands were a corpse’s, pulling him under.

Without thinking and desperate for breath, he grabbed her waist and threw her to the side. He spilled out of the bed, his stomach lurching. The nightstand rattled, and the washbasin shattered when it fell. Shards of ceramic scattered across the wood floor. He would have vomited all over it had it not been for the wastebasket. He managed to grab its edges just in time, hurling his stomach’s contents into it.

He retched so hard, tears spilled from his eyes and snot ran from his nose, but when he finally sat back, shaking and spent, Inej was there. She had put on his leather gloves before handing him a towel and a glass of water. His strong, level-headed Inej. When he could finally look at her again, her cheeks were tearstained. He could never admit defeat to such a shattered face.

“Fuck.” He released a ragged sigh as he sat back, running the back of a shaking hand along his lips. Inej sat across from him on the floor, still breathing hard from adrenaline. He needed that laugh of hers. He said the first thing that came to mind. “I’d actually really enjoyed that dinner.”

But Inej was too shaken, her brows cinched together, her raven black hair disheveled over the shoulders of the white nightshirt.

“I’m so, so sorry, Kaz.” Her voice was strained against the threat of tears.

“Are you ok?” He reached out of her gloved hands, and she took his fingertips with a little sob.

“This was a spectacular disaster,” Inej said. But Kaz squeezed her fingers, hoping she’d look at him. Needing the reassurance that this wasn’t the final straw. That they were still fighting their way out together.

“This was just good reconnaissance,” he objected, though his throat still burned. “We learned some valuable information tonight. We just need separate beds. How many fat, rich mercher families have you spied on that sleep in separate beds?”

“Those same merchers attack women in brothels, Kaz.” Inej wiped at her cheek with her spare hand, clutching at Kaz’s tightly with her other. “Maybe we just need a bigger bed,” she said with a sigh.

We. She’d said We. She hadn’t given up, hadn’t even considered it, and she’d said We. He’d buy her whatever bed she wanted after that. But The Slat was only big enough for Kaz’s narrow bed. And before he knew it, Kaz was meeting with contractors, looking over blueprints, hiring a foreman, haggling over the cost of materials, picking out new plumbing, new fixtures, and now his home had been stripped down to the studs.

The important thing was, when it was all finished, Kaz was buying the biggest, widest, most luxurious bed in all of Ketterdam, and it was going to fit, damnit.

“This is sending a message I don’t think you want to be sending, Kaz,” Jesper was saying, gesturing to the narrow mattress propped up against the wall.

“Which is what?” Kaz was growing impatient.

“That the Bastard of the Barrel sleeps like a weird little hobo,” said Jesper.

“Hobos don’t have offices to sleep in, Jes. That’s why they’re hobos.”

“Just check into a hotel like every other normal rich bastard,” Jesper begged. “You have the money. Why are you being so weird?”

Because Inej was coming back and what kind of message would that send to her? Meeting him a hotel. After what they had done in the chair the last time she was here. That implied all kinds of things he didn’t want her worrying about.

But if Pim and Anika had wrangled Jesper into confronting him, then maybe he was worrying about the wrong message.

And for all the chaos of the Van Eck Affair, he had enjoyed their stay at the Geldrenner Hotel. Their penthouse suite had been exceptional. It was further from the Crow Club than he would have liked, but the hot running water...and the room service. And Inej could have her pick of beds if she came by. No midnight vomiting would occur there.

“I’ll take it under advisement,” he said to Jesper, dismissively. Jesper gave a sigh of defeat and turned to leave.

“You’re too rich for this weird ass behavior,” he shouted at Kaz over his shoulder.

“No one wants your financial advice,” Kaz shouted back.

But Jesper turned back in the doorway, one hand on the frame.

“Oh,” he added, “you’re still coming for drinks on Saturday? Wylan needs a final headcount.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, every damn time. Yes, Jes. Yes. I’ll always be there.”

“Where are you going?”

“I have to go book a hotel room, obviously. Tell Roeder to throw out the mattress.”

“Can I give it to Wylan? That thing looks like it needs to be incinerated.”

Wylan could have the mattress for whatever flammable experiments he was working on in his free time. Kaz was already looking forward to another stay at the Geldrenner.

He took a long walk to the Geldrenner Hotel, where he was pleased to find the penthouse suite unoccupied and currently available. He left the reservation under K. Rietveld. Inej would know.

“What does the R stand for?” she’d asked him months and months ago. Nobody would believe they were both naked when she brought it up. In his defense, it had been Inej’s idea, this new leverage. She’d suggested they undress completely and not touch each other. She had wanted to conquer her fear of being naked with a man, and she thought it was something to be done in steps.

Did she think he would say no to such a thing? He’d literally had dreams about this.

Kaz was holding a box of waffles when she suggested it. He’d brought them in for their dinner, a dinner he mistakenly assumed they would be clothed for, and his first moronic thought was that he ought to have picked a less messy food. Once it finally registered what was about to happen, he set the box down and began to slip off his tie.

“What does the R stand for?”

She was sitting across from him, completely bare, with her long black hair veiling her breasts. He looked up from his dinner. He’d been trying his best to focus on the food, to will his cock into not getting any ideas. She was gesturing to the tattoo on his bicep.

“My real surname starts with R,” he replied.

“As in Rietveld, isn’t that right?” Inej flicked him a glance, one that could set a fire smoldering deep in his guts.

“You knew?” he wondered, and then drew in a breath as Inej began to stand to her feet, leaning across the table toward him. He could see everything, from her dark, protruding nipples beneath her long hair, the smooth planes of her flat stomach, the tight curve of her brown waist. The folds where it all met. His cock throbbed, rebelliously.

“I’m the Wraith, Kaz,” she said, her voice husky. “I’m glad you finally told me.”

“This is cheating,” Kaz pointed out, as she pecked his lips.

She had tasted like apple syrup. What would the rest of her taste like?

So, he wasn’t the least bit surprised when, three days later, he was returning to his suite at the Geldrenner at the end of the day and found Inej waiting on the windowsill. She was the Wraith, always and forever. Kaz quickly unlocked the window to pull her inside.

“Please tell me you haven’t been sitting out there all day,” was his greeting.

“I wanted to watch a Ketterdam sunset again, and I don’t fall, Kaz,” Inej said. She was as brown as a nut from her days in the sun, and her cheeks were a rosy apple red. “And no,” she added, “I haven’t been waiting long. You’re not at least a little be impressed that I found you?”

“My dearest Inej, I am in a constant state of awe around you.”

She looked up at him with a brilliant, toothy grin and big, soft brown eyes, and he wrapped his arms around her waist while he kissed her, pulling her close to his chest. She smelled like salt and sea spray, and he could taste the sweat on her lips and he didn’t care. It had been over a month since he’d held her, tasted her, and his body was falling in line with the terms of their deal. He wanted her, however he could have her.

“I missed you,” she told him, as she curled her head against his chest. He drew long, slow circles up and down her back with his fingertips so that she hummed softly in approval.

“I missed you,” he said into her hair.

“I can smell myself,” Inej lamented, with a disgusted groan.

“You smell perfect.” Kaz didn’t care.

“I need a bath.”

“I’ll draw you one.”

And Kaz ordered up room service, too, while Inej bathed in the tub, filling up the bathroom with steam and lavender. She was still soaking when the food arrived, an elaborate spread, since Kaz had ordered one of everything, not knowing what she wanted, and he nudged his head into the bathroom to let her know.

The bubbles had mostly dissolved, and the water pooled just under her breasts, her brown knees bent up out of the water. She’d pulled her long, clean hair out of the tub, letting it trail over the edge to dry, while she leaned against the side of the tub with her eyes closed.

Kaz suddenly understood the myths about mermaids luring men to their deaths.

“You can come in,” she said, a soft, relaxed smile on her lips.

Kaz still wasn’t sure what to say, but wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to look upon her. He leaned against the bathroom counter, trying not to ogle like a creep.

“This bathroom,” Inej remarked, looking all around them. Kaz drew in a deep breath. This bathroom, indeed. He’d kind of been avoiding it. This was where he’d first felt her skin, had tried to kiss her, and it had sent him reeling into nightmares of his past. He hadn’t thought of it as reconnaissance then. He had just been a boy, trying to be with the girl he liked, and instead only hopelessly embarrassing himself.

Inej seemed to sense how he withdrew at the memory and held out a soapy hand to him.

“Come here,” she said, tenderly. But Kaz hesitated. Wanting. Lusting. But knowing better.

“Wet skin is a non-starter for me,” he rasped, shifting uncomfortably.

“Of course it is.” Inej looked apologetic as she pulled her hand back. She shifted in the tub, pulling at the drain.

“Don’t get out on my account,” Kaz said.

“I need to be with you when you’re making that face,” Inej insisted, and she stepped out of the tub. He still couldn’t get enough of the sight of her wet body, glistening in the lamp light, beads of moisture running in rivulets down her rich golden legs as she toweled off.

“What face?” Kaz asked.

Inej wrapped the towel around herself, tucking it over her breasts, and stepped in front of him, resting her hands on his hips. She gave a playful tug at his belt.

“You get a look when you think something’s broken beyond repair,” she said, and looked up at him with her wide, adoring eyes. “And half the time, you prove yourself wrong within the next 24 hours anyway. I love to watch that part. But not the broken face. Broken face is heart-wrenching.”

Without armor. If he was to ever have her, to love her the way she deserved, she needed to see every ugly truth the armor hid. Every time he got close, that is what her lock demanded. Without armor. He swallowed hard as he rested his hands on the wet terrycloth on her hips, holding her close.

“I half-expected to die that night,” he confessed. How glad he was he hadn’t.

“I would never have let that happen.” Inej’s gaze was steely as flint, and he believed her. But there was something else.

“It would have been a relief,” he said, lowly.

Inej pulled back and held his dark gaze, as if to hold this new plate of armor with all the love she had.

“And now?” she asked, holding him tighter. He felt her intent in the pull of her embrace, the same intent he held in his chest in every battle against their demons. Stay with me. I can’t lose this.

“I was a kid then with nothing more to lose,” he told her, and let his forehead dip to touch hers. “But now I have everything.”

He could sense her smile even as he closed his eyes, reveling in her warmth and how it no longer called to his ghosts. But then she stepped back and turned, hoisting herself up onto the countertop, still holding her towel in place. Her hair spilled loose down her back as she reached to him, pulling him closer again between her knees, the same spot where they’d tried to get close those years ago and had each nearly keeled over from the other’s proximity.

“You know the best part about surviving, I’m sure,” she said, pulling him by his tie.

“Tell me,” he said with a crooked smile. He placed his hands on the counter either side of her hips, leaning in.

“When you survive, your story isn’t over,” said Inej, as she loosened the tie knot. She pulled it off through his collar and let it drop to the floor. “And sometimes, if you’re very lucky, you get the chance to write over parts you don’t like.”

She leaned back on her hands, extending her slender neck out ever so slightly with a pointed look in her eye. The smell of lavender and soap bubbles wafted from her clean hair, and Kaz drew in a breath. He would have to have been an idiot not to catch her meaning. Go on, she was saying. Write the story we wanted.

This time, when he pressed a soft kiss to her neck, he felt her soft pulse against his lips, her fresh scent all around him, and the desire coursing through his body. She gave a soft, contented sigh and slid her hands up his shoulders as he straightened his body to meet her lips again and again, rewriting and rewriting.

“Better,” she whispered when he finally pulled back, and she brushed the tip of her nose against his. “Much better.”

His heart was pounding mercilessly in his chest, and when he reached up to cup her precious cheek in one hand, she leaned her head into his fingers, kissing his wrist, and it shattered him.

“I never want this to end,” he said, his voice husky. Much better, indeed.

“Then don’t stop,” Inej whispered, and he brought her lips back to his.

He could sense her urgency rising, the desperation with which she began to pull him to her body, to weave her fingers into his hair, and it would have been easy to break, to let her have her way with him again. But they had a deal. Kaz Brekker never made a deal he didn’t keep. So, this was no time to lose his head, to grab at everything he wanted. He’d been preparing for this moment. If he was going to make good and pay back what he owed, he was going to have to run this like breaking into Kerch bank vault.

She was already above him, propped up on the bathroom counter of her own volition. That was a good sign, good leverage. Inej did not like being prone with him or forced into anything, and no one could fault her for that.

He brought his hands to her face, running his fingertips from her cheeks to her hair as she sighed into his mouth. He felt her part her lips to him, felt the brush of her tongue, and, emboldened, he ran his hands down her bare shoulders, her skin prickling in goosebumps.

“I love what your hands can do,” she shivered. She was pulling at the buttons of his shirt, exposing his chest where he felt as hot as a furnace against her cool hands. Let her have some control; she thrived with it. She slipped her hands into his shirt, pushing it over his shoulders until it dropped to the tile below.

He held her waist in his hands as she clutched at his shoulders, her thighs tightening on his hips as their kiss deepened. It took every ounce of restraint Kaz had to not taste every inch of her mouth, not pull at the rest of his clothing and beg her to just fuck him already please. There was nothing but a towel separating her bare breasts from his skin, and, Saint fucking hell, he wanted this. He wanted her. Her exposed thighs felt like silk against his sides, and he could only imagine what the rest of her felt like. His hands dipped a little lower, exploring the slope of her ass.

“More,” Inej panted, and Kaz couldn’t hold back a groan. He gave her ass a little squeeze, and she chuckled against his mouth. Running his hands along the underside of her thighs, he pulled her closer, letting her hook her legs around him. Heat from her cunt radiated across his lower abdomen.

“Saints, Inej,” he rasped, breathless. His slacks were uncomfortably tight, and she had to notice. When she pulled back, he was sure she had and braced himself, but there was no look of terror in her eyes this time. No, she had something else in mind.

She held up one hand and, slowly, sucked on two of her fingers. And then, with Kaz’s jaw slack in lust and awe, she slipped her hand between her legs, beneath the towel. And with her eyes on him, she began to knead.

Kaz hardly dared to breathe. He’d imagined, but he’d never seen… he’d researched for advice, like any decent con artist, but he’d only hoped…

He watched the rise and fall of the tops of her breasts in rapture, waiting for any sign that he could approach without setting off alarms. When she let out a little moan and put a hand to his chest again, he gently leaned in, taking her lips once more. He tried to put as much love and admiration and passion into that kiss as he could muster, slowly slipping his hands back to the lithe curve of her waist.

Her breathing deepened as she worked herself, and she moaned softly, her eyes falling shut. Kaz ran his fingers lightly up and down her arm, knowing what he wanted, trying to work out a strategy.

It had to be like picking a pocket. Replacing a wallet with an exact weight, so quick, no one noticed.

He kissed her ear as her head fell to the side, and then, slowly, traced the silky soft length of her arm, slipping under the towel, before gently curling his fingers over hers. She stopped the movement, but didn’t open her eyes. She wasn’t running.

He paused, too, breathing heavily in spite of himself. She was wet, practically soaked, against their fingers, and, for a brief moment, he felt the lapping of water at his ankles. He fixed his eyes on the pulse in her neck. He focused on the sound of her breath, the labored breathing of her desire. He inhaled the soap and the lavender scent of her. She was alive. So very alive. And after a moment, the dread passed, and he was still there and so was she, and his longing for her hadn’t diminished.

“Show me,” he whispered against her ear, and she leaned her head against his.

He traced the movements of her fingers, delicate, like picking a lock in the dark, slow circles around her tender nub of skin.

“Kaz,” she whispered, in a tone he was sure he’d never heard before. Lock tumblers clicking into place.

He moved his fingers as she did, through the velvety skin of her folds, until her hand dropped away from his, her eyes still closed as she bit her lip.

“I’ve wanted this,” she confessed with a groan. Kaz was out of words. Locks didn’t usually talk back, and they were never this gorgeous.

And then when she leaned back further on the counter, the towel began to slip and she did nothing to stop it. It fell away behind her, leaving every bit of her exposed to him, the full swell of her breasts and the tense muscles of her core, and Kaz didn’t mean to, but he swore out loud.

“Don’t stop,” she begged him, her arms starting to shake as she leaned back against them. “Please, Kaz, more.”

His mind was a scramble of every touch he’d ever given, every encouraging sign she’d ever given him. More what? Where to start? With his spare hand, he traced her neck again, down her sternum between her breasts, watching the line of goosebumps spring along her skin.

“With your mouth,” she gasped, and he sprang at the chance to oblige. She quivered while he trailed a line of kisses from her neck down her chest, and, growing bolder, took one dark nipple tenderly in his mouth. When she didn’t object, he ran his tongue around its rim, tasting its foreign sweetness and feeling her gasps of pleasure swell through her chest.

She raked her fingers through his hair as he felt her breathing grow haggard beneath his lips, and her hips bucked restlessly against his long fingers. He had a moment of nerves that she was growing frustrated with his inexperience, and, with a silent prayer, he slipped a digit inside of her.

She let out an audible sigh, clenching at his hair, and he knew he’d hit the right combination. As soft as before, he stroked her ridges along her cunt, still carding his thumb through her folds as she had.

Her arms gave out altogether, and he found himself standing over her as she laid back on the countertop, her hair spilling into the sink, a flush spreading across her breasts. Her body arched; her pussy felt as taut as a bowstring. He’d never seen anything so glorious in his life.

Curses fell from her beautiful lips when she came, head tilted back as a shudder overtook her whole body, spasming on his fingers. She gripped his forearm to steady herself, leaving half-moon nail marks in his skin. And then she stilled, naked, spent and breathing hard, feet on the counter with her knees bent in the air.

Kaz leaned over and kissed her forehead while she gave a breathless hum of satisfaction.

“This bathroom,” she remarked again, heaving an exhausted sigh. Her cheeks were rosy as she smiled brightly up at him. Kaz grinned, crookedly, a victorious lockpick’s smile.

“This bathroom,” he agreed.

Much, much better.

Next work in this series: These Damn Crosswinds

#six of crows #soc #kaz x inej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #smut #kanej #kanej smut #crooked kingdom #fanfic #fanfiction #kaz brekker x inej ghafa #kanej fanfic

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eekiax · 3 years

Text

Shadow and Bone Thoughts

April 24, 2021

12:19 AM

Just finished the Shadow and Bone series on Netflix and I have an abundance of thoughts.

Having read both the Shadow and Bone Trilogy and the Six of Crows duology, I was very excited for this show to come out. However, having seen some bad adaptations of books over the years, I was a bit wary of this show at first. My mind changed instantly when I saw how dedicated all of the actors and people that worked on this show were. The trailer dropped and I immediately became invested.

*SPOILERS* (for both the books and show duh)

Thoughts on the Shadow and Bone Series:

-I think that the show does a really great job in improving Mal as a character. The Shadow and Bone books are all told from the perspective of Alina. In the show, we are able to see things from Mal’s perspective. It’s evident in the show that Mal does have affection for Alina and that he values her in his life. We see the obstacles and hardships that he undergoes in order to get to Alina. He was willing to risk his life to track an animal that literally everyone thought of as a myth. He’s stabbed, punched, and shot at multiple times before he’s even able to reach Alina. The show made Mal a lot more likable than what he is in the books. In the books, Mal judges Alina and harbors a lot of resentment towards her. In the show, when Mal and Alina are alone in the woods, he doesn’t force her to tell him what she did in the Little Palace and holds no judgement against her. I wasn’t a Malina shipper but seeing the way the two of them portrayed on the show made my heart feel all fuzzy. Those flashback scenes of them as kids were cute af.

-They did Alexei dirty like that by having him killed 20 mins after we see him survive the Fold. At least he lived a bit longer than in the books. RIP.

-The Crows were definitely a highlight of this show. They added a lot of moments of levity with their dynamic. The comedic timing of their scenes was perfect. Kit, Amita, and Freddy all literally embodied everything I thought that the Crows would be. Kaz holding a goat in his arms and walking around all serious was hilarious. Jesper hugging that goat when they’re in the train is another hilarious moment. Inej is a badass as usual and I loved whenever she would make fun of Jesper.

-MILO WAS THE STAR OF THE SHOW and he actually proved to be useful later on.

-THE KAZ VS. DARKLING INTERACTION. There’s just something about having the two characters that wear the most black face off with each other.

-The Darkling and Alina’s relationship is a lot more consensual compared to the books. In the show, it’s actually Alina that kisses him first compared to Darkling just ambushing her in the books. At the winter fete when ALINA IS LITERALLY PROPPED ONTO HIS DESK, he asks her if she wants to continue which is a whole lot more consent than in the books. Knowing that the goodbye kiss that the Darkling gives Alina before he leaves her in his office was unscripted makes that kiss 10x hotter.

-It was interesting seeing what the past looked like for the Darkling. We get to see the creation of the fold which makes a lot of sense because you can do that on TV. Seeing what his past was like and the way he acts towards Alina (at least for the first 5 episodes) makes you want to empathize with him. I knew that he was bad but the show does a really good job in almost convincing you to like him. Ben Barnes’ long hair was giving me Prince Caspian vibes. That man has not aged since 2008.

-I love how some of Nina and Matthias’ scenes were all word for word from the books. Their scenes pretty much summed up how I imagined them together. The scene where Nina falls into the ice was SO intense, I thought for a second that Matthias was going to let go of her. Knowing that he dies in Crooked Kingdom had me really sad whenever I saw them together. “Matthias is dreaming again” *sobs* Also, Danielle got a bunch of unnecessary hate for being casted as Nina. I get that people wanted her to be more plus-sized and I’m all for that, but that does not mean you should hate on the actor. Danielle is a great actor and she was able to play a convincing Nina.

-Seeing the cut on screen was so cool. It was a bit gruesome seeing all of the bodies be sliced in half. Anyways, the special effects in this show in general was superb.

-Genya and David were adorable af. Alina describes David as unattractive in the books but man is Luke Pasqualino attractive.

-The collar looked a lot more painful than what I imagined when reading the books. I really do feel for Alina when she looks in the mirror at the collar with such a pained expression.

-Having Alina be half Shu makes a lot of sense. It contributes more to her feeling like she doesn’t belong anywhere and her questioning of who she really is. Jessie as Alina was perfect and she really did make Alina a lot more likable compared to the books.

-Ben was casted perfectly as the Darkling. He has the looks and he has the skills to play such a character. There’s such a subtlety to his facial expressions that reveal what the Darkling is thinking or feeling.

-I really only have two things that I did not like in the show. The way that they made Zoya racist towards Alina was something that I felt was unnecessary. One big thing that I did not like was the fact that the Darkling’s name is revealed so early on in the show and mentioned so casually by him and other people. There no longer is any weight or gravity to his name which really was one of the only things that made him feel human in the books.

-I do hope that there will be a second season. I just wonder how they’re going to integrate the Crows and still have them be connected somehow to the Alina. NIKOLAI AND WYLAN aka two of my favorite characters better be in the second season.

Overall this show was an absolute EXPERIENCE to watch. The show is actually able to improve the books which is something that a lot of adaptations don’t do. All of the actors did such a great job in portraying their characters and watching their interviews together and them interact with each other on social media makes me so happy. I 10/10 recommend for you to watch the series, especially if you have read the books and are a fan of Leigh Bardugo’s.

#shadow and bone #six of crows #s&b tv series #leigh bardugo #netflix

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thanks--for--listening · 3 years

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figments of the dark

yes i read all the grishaverse books after watching the show yes i’ve now written kanej fic yes they’re my dream couple no i’m not okay mentally. SPOILERS FOR CROOKED KINGDOM this fic takes place right after it.

(also on ao3)

She kept pace with him initially. Walking down to the harbor, he watched as the Suli couple moved closer and closer, the details of their appearance materializing with each step. The gray of the man’s hair creeping in at the edges. The woman’s long braid lying gracefully over her shoulder. Their hands clasped together, tugging each other along as the distance between them and their daughter disappeared. Inej was nearly jumping out of her own skin, but she stayed by his side, only breaking into a sprint when there was nothing but a few feet separating them. It was the most impressive feat of strength he’d seen from her. From anyone, if he was being honest.

They swallowed her whole. Neither were particularly tall, but they towered over her nonetheless, their arms wrapping effortlessly around her delicate frame. As he stepped closer, he could hear them amidst the sobs, the prayers usually whispered under Inej’s breath now spoken loudly and without reservation. Their foreignness was familiar. Kaz might not have cared for gods or saints, for myths and legends, but the sound of their devotion still soothed his racing heart.

He stood back as they held one another. A feeling deep in his gut ignited softly, a spark burning in isolation: not strong enough to turn into a flame, but with enough heat to leave a scar. It wasn’t resentment — he would have given anything for her to have this moment, would have let the rest of the world crumble around them if that’s what it cost — but an aftertaste of something else lingered as he watched them. No matter how often he won, how deft defying the odds or complicated the scheme, he’d never have anyone waiting for him when the dust settled. Not like Inej did. Not like Jesper did. His victories had long been celebrated in solitude, and he’d come to terms with that years ago.

Still, the feeling seemed to whisper, a voice in his head that sounded like someone he knew. Still.

“Kaz!” He blinked the thoughts away, straightened his back as they walked toward him. “Mama, Papa, this is Kaz Brekker. He’s saved my life more times than I can count.”

“Your daughter paints me in a better light than I deserve.” He looked at her as he added, “No one has ever protected me the way she has.”

Their eyes were locked, and he saw it again. One of the first lessons Ketterdam had taught him was to read faces as if they were words on a page. Any hand could be won, any man could be manipulated, if one could learn to see beneath the surface. Nobody could hide forever. Their hearts would give them away every time.

Now he was grateful for the lesson. Not for the victories it had led to, or the money he’d won, but for the undeniable truth of what he saw. Adoration. When Inej looked at him, it was as if the entire harbor floated away, and all that was left were the tears in her eye and the smile on her face. It didn’t matter that the real joy had come from her parents; he would use any excuse to be on the other end of that look, regardless of whether he deserved it.

Kaz didn’t even notice her father until Inej stuck her arm out, spoke in quick and hushed Suli. He didn’t have to know the language to understand — Mr. Ghafa had moved to embrace him, until Inej stood in the way. Kaz had been lost in the endless depths of her eyes, drawn to them like a sailor to a siren, so fixated he would have drowned rather than tear his gaze away. Inej, his better in every way that mattered and every way that didn’t, had never lost sight of the world around them. Even now, when the threat came in the form of a grateful father, when her focus should have been at its weakest, she was still protecting him.

He wanted to tell her that he would take it. The touch, and the revulsion that came with it. The gratitude he’d done nothing to earn. He would suffer any pain, subject himself to all kinds of agony, play whatever character she wanted, even the farm boy he knew had died in that river. He would hunt the world for her wretched saints and construct an altar of his own, if it kept that smile on her face.

“Thank you,” her mother said, the words still muddled by the tears that had yet to stop. “Thank you for keeping her safe.”

Safety didn’t exist in Ketterdam, and it certainly wasn’t what he’d given her when he’d taken her out of that Menagerie, but he kept his mouth shut, nodded curtly. That wasn’t his story to tell.

“Every day, we searched,” her father said. “They told us to give up. They said you were lost, that those who took you would never let you go. They said you wouldn’t make it no matter where you’d gone, but we said no. Our Inej has angels on her shoulders and wings on her back. She can survive anything.”

If she hadn’t been before, Inej was crying now. With every passing moment, Kaz felt more and more like an intruder. He wondered if it was some sort of retribution for each time he’d sent her to creep in through someone’s window, to become the audience they weren’t aware of. How much had he learned from her being privy to moments like this, so intimate and exposed? What had it cost her to push back the guilt that came with the encroachment?

“I can,” she said. “But I didn’t have to do it alone.”

He listened half-heartedly as she told them about Wylan and Jesper and Nina. The house she was staying in, with a staff and a view and a life that was much more palatable to those unfamiliar with the stench of the Barrel. Painting over their history was effortless with those kinds of tools. The only question was how long it could last.

As they began walking, he forced his face into neutrality, buried any evidence of the thoughts that ran through his mind. They would have to find out eventually. Perhaps not all of it, and ideally not all at once, but in due time the truth would become unavoidable. They spoke of survival as if it was an honorable thing, but where that ship had taken Inej, only those with the sharpest of claws and malleable of morals made it out alive. Dirtyhands may have become his title, but nobody around here could claim cleanliness. Not even the dead.

The path made itself clear, the flip of the final card coming to him with striking clarity. A death blow delivered by the river, turning a winning hand into a losing one in a single fluid motion. They had been looking for their lost child, for a little girl who only ever pushed the limits in a performance. But the secret to the Dregs was that everyone was already dead. They may have called themselves Crows, but like phoenixes born from the ashes of their old lives, rebirth was an entry level requirement. Whoever they’d gone searching for, the Ghafa’s had found someone else. He didn’t know when they’d realize it, when they’d look at their daughter and see a stranger in her place, but he knew the moment would come. And for the first time in his short and miserable life, Kaz longed to be wrong.

Tuning back into the conversation, he caught the tail end of a list of relatives, each one having done their own part in trying to find her. Inej stood in between them as they walked. Kaz let himself fall back just slightly, a pace behind theirs. It was as much privacy as he could give out on the street. Things may have improved for the Dregs in the past few weeks, but that didn’t mean people weren’t still watching, waiting to find them in a moment of weakness, waiting for their chance to steal the throne Kaz and his crew had built from nothing.

“We’ll send a letter as soon as we make it to your friends’ home. Nobody knew what to believe when the messenger came to us with news about you. Half the family were convinced this was all a scam, a ruse to kidnap us as well.”

“Your aunts will start planning the celebration before we even board the ship home,” her mother said with a smile. The tears had eased up, replaced with effortless joy and comfort. “Preparing the food will take half the length of the trip, at least.”

Inej let out a moan. “Nobody in Ketterdam knows how to cook properly.”

Her mother’s smile grew, something he hadn’t thought was possible. “Anything you want, I’ll make. Saints willing, I’ll be cooking for you for the rest of my life.”

“You’re in for a treat,” her father added. “Ever since the circus ended, your mother has been cooking non-stop. Everything will be better than you remember.”

“Wait,” her eyebrows scrunched together. “What do you mean, the circus ended?”

The smiles faded. “We tried,” he said, his voice tainted with the somber weight of grief that grew heavier over time. “But how could we go on without our star? How could we look to the sky and see someone else walking amongst the clouds?”

“It wasn’t fair,” her mother said softly. “To the family. They needed the performances to survive, but we…we needed every moment to search for you. We needed you to survive.”

They’d slowed their pace, and even though he slowed with them, they now stood nearly side by side. Kaz left a gap the size of a person between him and her father in a pathetic and slightly selfish attempt at disappearing. He’d have pulled an Inej and evaporated altogether, had she not asked him to stay.

“I’m sorry,” Inej said, and he couldn’t see her face clearly but he could hear the tears in her voice.

“For what, zheji?”

“For being the reason you stopped. Performing was our lives. It was everything you’d worked toward.”

“Inej, you are our lives. You are more important than any stage or crowd. You are worth more than any money in the world.” Her mother stopped walking, grabbed hold of her face as she said, “I would walk away from the circus a thousand times if it meant you were safe.”

Inej just nodded. The feeling snuck in again, quick and quiet and sharp; he forced it back down as they started walking again. He refused to let his pitiful, despicable nature ruin any part of this moment for her.

“And who knows?” Her father said, the cheer in his voice somehow both authentic and artificial. “Once you come home, maybe we can put the show back on the road. Perform as a family again.”

Oh. So this was the moment. He’d known it was a possibility when he’d made the deal, but his mind had refused to accept it. The life he led required foresight, examining every outcome for every choice, but he hadn’t found the strength to prepare for this ending: the moment she left.

His step staggered ever so slightly. It shouldn’t have been noticeable, shouldn’t have disrupted the rhythm of their walk, but like a conductor trained to spot the lone instrument out of tune, Inej turned. She stared first at the ground in front of him, then brought her gaze up. Met his. An inquisitive look flashed across her face, as if she was searching for the disruption. Or perhaps she was searching for something else.

He tried to school his features into something legible, to show her the answer she was looking for. The permission, although it wasn’t his to give. The forgiveness, although there was no guilt to absolve. Even when he wanted to fall onto his hands and knees and beg her to stay; even when the thought of her living across the true sea made the air around him grow thicker and his lungs smaller, made breathing a painful, labored thing. He nodded his head slightly even when every nerve in his body fought against it, because if there was anyone who deserved to turn their back on Ketterdam and leave it all behind, it was her. If leaving was what made her happy, he’d send her off without a single word of protest. If she wanted to fly on her own land, on her own accord, who was he to ground her, to tie her wings for the sake of his own spoiled heart?

Inej didn’t say anything, but the look on her face…Kaz wasn’t one to cling to hope, but he grasped desperately to her reluctance, to the way she bit her lip and kept her eyes away from her parents. Even if she also kept them away from him.

—

Jesper had a thousand questions.

He’d spent half of dinner begging the Ghafas for stories about Inej as a child, and the other half endlessly praising Mrs. Ghafa’s cooking. Kaz couldn’t fault him for the latter — Inej and her mother had spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen, and what they’d come out with was quite easily the best meal he’d ever had. The way they managed to extract flavors he’d never tasted before from the ingredients he’d had at his disposal for years was an art form in itself, one that rivaled even his own general resourcefulness. And the smell. Envy reared its ugly head at the thought of Wylan and Jesper getting to enjoy the lingering scent long after the meal had been devoured.

“We had a guest faint during one of her performances.” Her father was telling the story with the same enthusiasm as he had with every one that came before. Where Inej was silent and still, her father was big and bold, every move exaggerated and every word announced rather than spoken. Kaz wondered whether it had always been her nature, or whether he was witnessing what Inej might have been had she not been forced into the shadows.

“Faint? Because of Inej?”

“Oh, yes. You see, we realized that we couldn’t make it look too easy. Not that it was easy, of course, but when Inej walks that rope, it looks effortless. So we staged a wobble, a moment for her to pretend to lose her balance. Oh, the way people panicked! They’d hold their breaths and try to hide their eyes, but none of them could ever look away, not until she made it to the other side.”

“Was the woman who passed out okay?” Wylan asked.

Her father shook his head. “You misunderstand. Women never looked away. They stared with intensity, as if their eyes could carry her to safety. The poor man collapsed right there in the front row.”

“He didn’t even see the rest of my act,” Inej added. “That’s the real travesty.”

“Maybe he’ll come back and see how it ends once you’re home.” Kaz saw it again, the feeling streaking across her face like a runaway star. Only this time, it wasn’t reluctance: it was guilt.

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what, zheji?”

The first words had come out softly, but when Inej looked up at her father, she spoke with the determination that Kaz had grown used to. “I can’t stay. I can’t rejoin the circus.”

“So you’re out of practice. It’s nothing a little time can’t fix! You have magic in you, Inej. That doesn’t just go away.”

“No,” she said. “I can’t rejoin the circus because I have to come back. Here, to Ketterdam.”

Her mother reached across the table, put her hands in her own. “They took you against your will. Against our will. Whoever stole you can’t stop us from taking you home. Nobody can keep you here anymore.”

“No,” she said, “you’re not hearing me. I want to go home. I want to see the family, to spend time with you. But I also want to come back.”

“I don’t understand,” her father said, and Kaz could hear the desperation creeping into his voice. “What could a place like this possibly have that would be worth leaving your family? Leaving your home?”

“Papa, it’s not about leaving you.” Jesper was practically bouncing out of his own skin, and Wylan’s eyes scoured the room in search of anything else to look at, but Kaz kept his gaze fixed on the table in front of them. A part of him knew the noble thing, the polite thing, would be to silently excuse himself, to give the Ghafas this moment alone. But Inej had started it with them there, and Kaz didn’t have the willpower to walk away before he heard her answer.

“Then what is it about?”

“It’s about everyone else.” Inej spoke with fervor, impassioned with purpose and righteousness. It fit her better than being a spider ever had. “There are hundreds of little girls and boys going through exactly what I did. Only they don’t get rescued. They don’t have anyone looking out for them.” She spared a quick glance his way; he pretended not to notice. “I can’t go home while they suffer.”

“So it is us who should suffer, then?”

Inej groaned. “Mama, that isn’t fair and you know it.”

“Life isn’t fair,” her father said. “The world is full of terrible people, Inej. You can’t—“

“Trust me when I say I know the terrors of both men and women alike.” Venom had slipped into her voice. Kaz watched the shock slowly register across her parents’ faces, watched as they blinked at the girl who had replaced their daring but soft-spoken daughter. He wondered when they’d truly process her words. Back in Ravka? On the boat home? Maybe it would come while they lay awake tonight, dreams poisoned by the realization that some version of their worst nightmare had come true. That even though she stood in front of them now, seemingly all in one piece, Ketterdam had still taken something from her, and nothing they ever did could give it back.

“I only meant to say,” her father continued, his tone shifting into something gentler, “that this battle is one you’ll likely never win. There’s no end to greed. Not in this lifetime. Perhaps not even in the next. Every enemy you defeat, every man you force into accountability, will only be replaced by two more looking to use his failure as a stepping stone.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to adjust my aim. Target the root and not the weeds.”

“Why?” Her mother groaned, frustration and terror written all over her face. “Why does it have to be you? Someone else can save the world. Someone else’s daughter can play the hero. Why can’t you just come home?”

“Who, Mama? Who’s gonna save them if not me? Who’s going to watch out for them when their families are told they’re dead and nobody else comes looking?” She turned toward her father. “I know it’s a losing hand. But I’m not the same person I was before. I know how to win with anything now, how to bend the rules so they work in my favor.”

“But you don’t have to,” he begged.

“If nobody ever tries, nothing gets better. I have to try, Papa. I owe them at least that much. I owe myself that much.”

The silence spread quickly. He knew there was nothing in the air, but the tension felt like a gas leak, like one spark could set the whole house ablaze. Kaz watched the way they stared across the table, each waiting for the other to break first but neither one wanting to watch them burn. Even if he hadn’t been a betting man, he would have known who to back in this fight of wills. Whether on the ground or in the air, Inej would hold steady. If nothing else, he could count on that.

Jesper clapped his hands, the sound echoing across the room that felt both overwhelmingly big and suffocatingly small. “So! Who’s up for a little music?”

—

Kaz found her exactly where he expected to. The sound of Wylan’s piano faded as he cracked open the window, pulling himself up onto the roof even when his leg throbbed in protest.

Inej didn’t move, didn’t do anything to acknowledge his presence. She didn’t have to — she always knew where he was, just as he did her. Climbing up to her perch, he let the sounds of the city surround them. It never mattered what time of day it was: someone in Ketterdam was always awake, and therefore, no one was ever truly alone.

“They don’t believe me,” she said softly. He fought the urge to turn toward her; he knew that some words were more easily spoken to something rather than someone. “They think that the minute I get home, I’ll just forget about everything here.”

“Unfortunately, I think Jesper’s singing is going to be permanently ingrained in all our minds.”

He spared a quick glance, caught the corners of her mouth creeping upward. “Who needs to remember? I’m positive the sound will carry all the way across the true sea and into Ravka.”

“We should be grateful for their diminished armies, then. If they had the means, I’m positive this performance would be a worthy cause to go to war.”

She laughed then, just once, but saints the sound was enough to send electricity through his entire body. He’d start a war himself for that sound. He’d crawl into the Ice Court with nothing but his own two hands. He’d try and heal the shattered bits inside himself if it meant he got to hear her at her happiest, if he got to be the one to make her feel that way in the first place.

Kaz wanted to stay like this, to poke fun and let the future disappear, to laugh and let the hard words hide beneath the sound, but he’d never had a habit of doing what was good for him. The dead of night exposed questions that cowered in the light of day, and for all his strength, he couldn’t resist knowing the answers. “Would it be so bad? To forget this place?”

“I could never do that. Not even if I wanted to.”

“You don’t know if that’s true. Time away, back with your family, it could help. It could…heal.”

Inej finally turned toward him, the daggers in her eyes as accurate and deadly as the ones strapped to her wrists. “Do you really think you could just leave and pretend like none of this ever happened?”

Part of him wanted to lie, wanted to believe in a world where the past stayed locked in history and the future could be its own thing entirely. If not for himself, then for her. But while the sentiment may have been foreign to her parents, Kaz and Inej spoke the language of the Dregs. There was a reason people got tattooed when they joined: being a Crow wasn’t something you could ever leave behind.

“No,” he said. “I don’t.”

“Exactly.” She turned forward again, stared at the city as if it could give her whatever answer she was looking for. “All night, I could feel my parents looking for a ghost. They remember a girl whose only dream in life was to walk across air, but there are other things that matter more to me than the fucking applause.” She leaned back without losing her balance. “I don’t think they’re ready to see the person I’ve become.”

“Then they’re missing out on the strongest, bravest, and most honorable person in all of Ketterdam.”

Inej raised an eyebrow at him. There was curiosity in her eyes, and behind it, something more. Something he hadn’t seen on her yet, despite spending a considerable amount of time stealing glances, soaking in the sight of her whenever he could afford to. He couldn’t be sure, but it almost looked like pride. “Since when do you care for honor?”

“Since you watched me at my weakest and my worst, and still deemed me a worthy cause for devotion.” He kept his eyes on her now, emboldened by the light of the moon and the truth of his words. “You look to your saints for guidance, but I look to you. So long as you stand by me, I know I haven’t strayed too far.”

As he spoke, he carefully slipped his hand out of his glove; when the only sound left was the echo of his words around them, he reached for her hand, let his own slide into place within it. Immediately the rush came, the concoction of emotions all tangled up and twisted. He squeezed, let the pressure of her reciprocation ground him in the present and on dry land.

Pain would always come first. No matter how much time passed, no matter who he was with, Kaz wasn’t sure that would ever change. For so long the agony had held a chokehold on anything else that might come with it, suppressing desire until it was all but nonexistent. The longer they held onto one another, though, the stronger it became. Inej dulled the anguish until it was no sharper than a blunt knife, until he could feel everything else without being blinded by the blade.

Eventually, she let go, only to shift and drop her head onto his shoulder. She rested largely on his jacket, but there was a sliver, right by his neck, where their skin came together. It set his pulse on fire. It felt like exhaling. Like holding something so delicate in his hands he didn’t dare breathe and risk disturbing it. The weight of her against him sent all his senses up into disarray, and he wondered for half a second if this was what the rush of parem felt like, because with Inej leaning against him. he swore he could see, hear, feel everything. The pain all but evaporated. The world came gloriously into tune, and now that he’d heard the sweet sound it could make, Kaz wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to tolerate a sour note.

“Thank you,” she whispered, the sound nearly blending into the ambiance provided by the sky above and ground below, nearly drowned by the synchronous beats of their hearts. “Thank you for bringing them back to me.”

“Anything,” he responded just as quietly. “No matter the cost nor the reason. If you ask, I’ll do anything.”

“Why?” The question was so genuine, and he wasn’t sure he had an answer. How could he possibly put into words the feeling of needing her happiness as much as he needed air to breathe? What could he give her that could show just how deeply he craved her, and how terrifying and exhilarating and all-encompassing that desire was?

“You asked me earlier about my tell,” he said after a moment. His eyes were fixed on the city in front of him, but he could feel her gaze. This time, it was he who couldn’t say the words to her face. “I gave you a half-truth. My tell, my true vulnerability, the thing that gives me away every time, is you. When you’re by my side, no one else matters. Not the rest of the team, not the job. Nothing.”

“Is that why you…?” She didn’t have to finish her thought. He knew what moments she thought of, the constant battle inside himself she became victim to. The back and forth, longing turning to avoidance that never managed to last. A cycle he had yet to fully break out of.

He nodded, just enough for her to see it. “Van Eck knew. That day he…when he threatened to kill everyone else, he set the trap that I walked right into. In the moment when we were all in peril, he followed my gaze and saw who I couldn’t afford to lose.”

“That’s funny,” she said, and he stared down at her, the confusion written all over his face. She tilted her head back slightly, just enough to look at him without breaking the contact. “Had he turned his eyes to me, he would have seen the same thing. I guess we damned each other that day.”

“It’s not funny.” He desperately tried to keep the edge out of his voice, but control was a fantasy when his mind went back to that night, to the days he spent in fear of Inej being tortured or killed or worse. “I vowed to never let anyone hurt you like that again because of me. Because of what you hurting would do to me.”

The quiet settled back in, as if it had never left, as if their conversation had already dissolved into oblivion. Her head shifted slightly, eyes turned back to the city in front of them. He longed to watch her, to search in her face for the thoughts running through her mind, but she still rested against his shoulder, and he would rather throw himself off the roof than disrupt the comfort she seemed to find there. Patience was something he’d once considered a virtue, but now it was practically nonexistent.

“We can’t control the rest of the world,” she finally said. “Nor can we stop people from coming after us. Torturing yourself to stop someone else from doing it for you doesn’t solve anything; it only guarantees pain.”

“I’m no stranger to suffering. I’d rather withstand self-inflicting wounds. Those I can control.”

“It's not just you who suffers at your own hand.” She broke apart from him, shifted her body until they were face to face. A chill settled in where her head had been.

When Inej was walking above him, traversing through territory only few could manage, he’d allowed himself to pretend she was safe. That her perch protected her from the terrors that struck on the ground. But now, sitting above the rest of the world, all he felt was exposed. He was not Inej. He had no control here; be it to the elements or his enemies, or the one who held his heart in her hands. Every part of him was vulnerable.

“When you hurt yourself, when you consign your life to misery on the basis that it’s coming anyway, you hurt me as well. When you keep your distance, I’m the one who ends up untethered. You want to protect me from suffering on your behalf, but all you're doing is delivering the death blow yourself.”

“I…I never meant—“

“I know,” she said, her voice gentle and calm and everything he’d never deserved. “But I refuse to accept that pain any longer. I can’t love you if you spend all your time demolishing yourself. I’ll go down with this ship, but I can’t stay if you’re the one poking holes in the deck.”

“You won’t have to.” He’d never been one for vows, but he spoke them now, wondered if any of her beloved saints could hear him. If they would even dare listen to someone as depraved as he. “I can’t promise a miracle. I won’t lie to you and spew falsities about changes in morality that I know are nothing more than a cheap trick of the light. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me. So every moment you choose to stay by my side is one I’ll devote to earning it.”

A crash from below sent them both to their weapons, before the sound of raucous laughter eased their grip. Kaz wondered if they’d ever stop anticipating the fight, if that instinct normally developed at childhood’s end, or if it was simply another consequence of living in Ketterdam.

“I should probably go rescue my parents. We’ve left Jesper and Wylan to their own devices for too long.” He watched as she floated down the roof, as if the surface itself was flat and level, as if the force pulling them down to the ground was only optional. When she got to the windowsill, he expected her to disappear, but instead she stopped, hands gripping the edge of the roof. “You deserve better, too,” she told him. “Better than you’ve got. Better than you’re going to get. One day I’ll make you believe it.”

Kaz didn’t say anything, didn’t so much as breathe, not until she dropped through the window and out of sight. He stared at the spot she’d left behind. There was no trace of her, nothing he could point to to prove she was there. Only the catch in his breath and the chill on his skin.

—

It was something he’d almost gotten used to by now. The smell. Saltwater had been one of the first things he’d learned to endure. Success and revenge both relied on the seas, so he’d spent as much time by the water as he could, until he could tolerate the scent without having to empty the contents of his stomach after so much as a whiff. It had been a lesson, he’d told himself. Every time served as a reminder that in order to beat Rollins, he’d need to leave the broken child behind. He’d need to become something better. Someone new.

He didn’t know if it was the smell now that was nauseating, or the sight of the boat anchored on the harbor carrying Ravka’s double eagle flag. Inej’s parents had already begun making their way to the dock. Jesper and Wylan had given their heartfelt goodbyes back at the house; Kaz had said nothing, but followed a step behind them, just as he had upon their arrival. Inej never stopped him. He took her silence as an invitation.

They’d passed The Wraith on their walk, and now his eyes kept trying to drag him back to it. Her ship turned his body and mind into a contradiction, elicited responses that shouldn’t have coexisted. Pride and fear, joy and sorrow, guilt and righteousness. It tempted him like a puzzle he wasn’t clever enough to solve, made him think that if he just kept looking, he might be able to sort it all out. To find an answer to a question he couldn’t ever ask.

“You’ll watch over it when I’m gone?” He turned to face her, unsurprised that she followed his gaze even when the boat lay out of view.

“Of course. I don’t abandon my investments.”

“Tell Specht he can start trying to put together a potential crew while I’m away. And that he’s got the job as my first mate if he wants it.”

“I’ll pass the word along.”

“Tell him to look into the girls first. The ones from the Menagerie.”

“They may be hard to find,” he said casually. “Now that Heleen is shut down, most are scattered to the wind.”

“Then it’s a good thing he’ll have you.” Kaz raised an eyebrow at her, and she rolled her eyes. “I know you’ve kept tabs on them. Offered a place in the Slat, a new name and fresh start. Offered them a ticket home, too, if they have one.”

“I work for The Wraith,” he said in response. “She expects me to rid the world of evil women and men. Can’t do that if the girls have nowhere else to go.”

“What a formidable employer.”

Kaz smirked. “Rumor has it she’s got heartsick fools wrapped around her pinky, and slavers and scum crushed beneath her fist.”

“Is that so?”

“If the whispers are to be believed.”

“Sounds like a handful.”

“Only for the scum.”

“And for the heartsick fools?”

Sincerity slipped back in and he let it, forgoed the smirk and the sarcasm entirely. “For them, it’s an honor.”

Her own smile faded, and he wondered if he’d made a mistake. If the price of genuity was her laughter and lack of tension in her shoulders, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to pay it. “When I return — and I will, no matter what my parents tell themselves — who am I going to find?”

He wanted to tell her that he’d be the same person she left behind. That she could dock her ship and they could walk besides one another the way they have before, that nothing had to change if they didn’t want it to. But that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. And maybe, despite his own internal protests, that wasn’t the truth, either.

For as long as Kaz Brekker had been alive, he’d had one singular purpose. Every choice and decision, every move he made, was done in service of that goal, the heist within all the heists. Brick by brick required time and diligence, so much so that it hadn’t left room for an after. It didn’t matter what name he used; the dominance, the relevance, the very existence of Pekka Rollins was never going to survive. Until the dust settled and he was still standing, Kaz didn’t think he would, either.

But here he stood. And here she stood. The waves crashed against the harbor behind her, each one with a different incentive: the threat of drowning, the promise of infinite possibilities, the rueful fate awaiting any who would seek to control them. The sea dragged out what was left inside the infamous Kaz Brekker as easily as it pulled in the tide. In its wake, a rare type of tranquility remained. He had no plan, no scheme. There was only one thing left to give.

“I’m not sure,” he told her. He prayed she could hear the truth in his words. “But I know that each time you traverse the seas, I’ll be here on the shore. And whenever and wherever you decide to land, I’ll be there. Anything you need — support, supplies, a place to lie your head — you’ll have. What’s mine is yours. It always was. It always will be.”

Inej stared at him. If they were other people, he knew this would be the time for desperate hugs, for clinging to one another in some last ditch effort to fight off the sands of time. But they weren’t other people. They were Kaz and Inej. Products of the Barrel. Broken in all the same places. And he wasn’t sure he could handle holding onto her just to let her go.

So they watched. Her eyes held the kind of radiance that the poets preached about. The wind pushed her braid back just slightly, as if it was trying to pull her toward the sea. The hilts of her knives glistened in the sun, peeking out only in places where he knew to look. If he was a religious man, he’d tell her she looked like a goddess, a deity escaped from whatever world lay beyond their own. If he followed the faith, he’d tell her that no saint, not even the one blessed with sunlight, could possibly outshine her. If he wasn’t a coward, he’d confess that he had already begun to pray for her, to beg the water to bend to her will, to keep her ship and her mission and her body and soul all in one piece.

Years of walls crumbled under the weight of her gaze, and he let them with no resistance. He wasn’t sure what she saw when she looked at him, but he hoped she could hear the words he could not say. And the selfish, undeserving part of him wished she’d feel the same.

The blaring horn from the ship fractured the moment. Neither of them flinched, but he watched her turn back, glance behind her at the vessel waiting to take her home.

“I should probably go,” she said, but her feet stayed planted, her eyes already back on him.

Courage came in the form of fear, his desperation to keep her in front of him shoving out words he hadn’t planned on saying. “When you return, who am I going to find?”

“I’m not sure.” She spoke slowly, and he wondered whether admitting it came with the same distress, the same relief, as it did for him. “But no matter what happens, I can promise you that I’ll come back. Not just to Ketterdam, or my ship. I’ll come back to you.”

“Why?” He felt sliced open just asking. No one else had ever had so many chances to destroy him without taking a single one. Part of him wondered when the shoe would drop, when the inevitable would happen and she’d turn her knife against him. How would her face look when she had his life in her hands? How long would it take her to realize he would welcome death with open arms rather than resist her? Kaz could think of no better way to die, no better way to live, than at her mercy.

“A shadow,” Inej answered with a smile, “can only stray so far before the sun pulls it back where it belongs.”

He shook his head. “I’m the shadow; you’re the one who deserves to walk freely of me.”

She stepped closer, and his breath caught in his chest, sat right above his heart in glorious, agonizing anticipation. “Then every night I’ll pray for shade, so us figments of the dark can disappear together.”

Inej reached up, and it was only then that he noticed the gloves on her hands, thin and sleek, the same color black as his own. Despite the barrier, his heart still fluttered when she brought her hand up to his chin. She stood like that for a minute, her eyes searching for permission, and Kaz didn’t know what she was asking for but the answer would always be yes, yes, yes.

Leaning toward him, she turned his head slightly, brought her lips to his cheek. They only touched for a second, maybe two, but it was enough to elicit another internal vow. He would find a way to fix as many of his jagged, shattered parts as he could, because the next time she brought her lips to his skin, he wanted to feel euphoria unburdened by anything else.

“I know I’ve said it before,” she whispered, “but thank you. For all of it.”

Whatever words, whatever courage he might have had, evaporated as quickly as it had come. The ship horn blared again but he kept his gaze steady, stole one last look, memorized the moment before it could fade. Inej lingered, as if she was doing the same, before she took a breath and turned around.

Kaz watched. He watched her board the ship side by side with her parents. He watched her turn back as it began to pull away, the lone traveler facing Ketterdam rather than the endless sea. He watched until the ship disappeared into the horizon, the sight of it swallowed up by the glare of the sun. And even when it was gone, he watched for just a little bit longer, as if his eyes could carry her across the sea and into the safety that only existed in dreams and on a stage.

Turning around still hurt. Part of him longed to stay anchored to the harbor, to wait for her in the very spot she’d left him. But instead, he pulled his watch out of his pocket and began walking toward the Barrel. There was no time for standing around and waiting patiently. Not when he worked for The Wraith. She expected him to scrub their dirty home clean, and despite all his failings, Kaz Brekker refused to disappoint.

#i love them your honor #kanej #kaz x inej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #also do not hesitate to tell me if u like this #im a bitch for validation from strangers on the internet #six of crows #crooked kingdom #crooked kingdom spoilers #shadow and bone #also shoutout to rule of wolves for the Suli word for daughter #that was a big W #(i wont say anything more about that tho don't worry no spoilers here)#fanfic #TFLAO3 #six of crows fanfic #kanej fanfic #grishaverse

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hello-robin-goodfellow · 4 years

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FAVORITE MOVIE LOVE STORIES

THANKS FOR THE TAG: @superkingofpriderock

Belle and Beast (Jean Cocteau’s Beauty and the Beast, 1946)

Since i was a kid, Beauty and the Beast has always been my favorite western european fairy tale. I relate at the same to the Beast’s desire to be accepted by the society that fears and looks down his appearance and to Belle’s mixture of fear, curiosity and fascination by the hybrid anthropomorfic creature. And with their great chemistry, the actors Josette Day and Jean Marais really captured those feelings in this classic adaptation directed by Jean Cocteaus

Damiel and Marion (Wings of Desire, 1987)

A 1987 film by Wim Wenders originally called Der Himmel über Berlin (lit: ‘The Heavens Above Berlin’).The film depicts two angels, Damiel and Cassiel, wandering in Cold War era Berlin and listening to the thoughts of humans. Among those humans are an old man looking for the now-destroyed Potsdamer Platz and recalling the good times he used to have there; Peter Falk As Himself; and Marion, a lonely French trapezist desperately looking for a purpose in life. The angels don’t directly intervene in human existence but sometimes give comfort to humans who need it, like a woman in labor, or a suicidal man on a tram, or a motorcyclist who is dying in the street after he was struck by a car. However, Damiel yearns to be human himself and to experience life as a mortal does. Eventually he falls in love with Marion, the trapeze artist, and has to make a difficult choice: to become human himself in order to be with her, leaving Heaven.

Queen Fantaghirò and King Romualdo (Fantaghirò/The Cave of the Golden Rose franchise, 1991-96)

Fantaghirò (known in the english speaking world as The Cave of the Golden Rose) is a series of five television films produced in Italy by Lamberto Bava (Mario Bava’s son), telling the adventures of Fantaghirò, the youngest of three princess sisters, who traines to become a brave warrior as a way to get free of the sexist restrictions imposed at her life by her father. Her kingdom has been at war with a neighbor kingdom for years, and one day the rencently crowned young adversary king, Romualdo, decides to end the war by personally challenging the best champion of Fantaghirò’s kingdom. Fantaghirò, disguised as man, presents herself as this champion, and their love story begins when Romualdo falls in love with the beauty of her eyes. What’s interesting about this couple is how their personalitys complement each other: Fantaghirò with a more combative strong temper, and Romualdo with a more sweet and calm temper.

Marianne Danielle and Doctor Van Helsing (The Brides of Dracula, 1960)

While watching Hammer Horror’s Brides of Dracula, i finded adorable how Doctor Van Helsing cares for Marianne Danielle (whom he befriends while arriving at Transilvania), how he wants to protect her and respects her feelings, to the point of trying contain his sorrow when she announces her engagement with Baron Meinster. I always imagine that when he defeated the Baron (who is revealed to be a vampire), and flee the wind mill with Marianne, he declared his feelings, she reciprocated, he teached her how to fight vampires, they married and became a battle couple searching to purge the world of the vampires. This is a pairing who deservers more love, fanart and fanfiction.

Fininha and Clécio (Tatuagem, 2013)

Tatuagem (Tattoo) is a movie set in the late 1970s, during the period of the Brazilian Civil-Military Dictatorship, that tells the love story between Fininha, an young soldier, and Clécio, an actor and playwrighter who produces satirical plays for a underground theater called Chão de Estrelas (Floor of Stars). Their romance is one of the most sweetest ever captured on film, but we also feel a certain unease that the fact of Fininha being at the service of the military who persecutes the theater artists will break the couple apart at any moment…

Karaba and Kirikou (Kirikou and the Sorceress, 1998)

Kirikou and the Sorceress is a 1998 French animated film, directed by Michel Ocelot, loosely based on a West African fairy tale. It tells the story of a tiny baby boy, named Kirikou, who is born in a spectacular way (all by himself, without effort of his mother nor outside help) and can speak and walk immediately after being born. After a couple of questions, he learns that a wicked sorceress, Karaba, has cursed the village and devoured all the men and boys, except his uncle, who is on his way to fight the sorceress. He tricks the sorceress, saves his uncle as well as the children of the village (twice!!), brings the water back to the dried-up spring and, among other things, discovers the sorceress’ true motivations: Karaba is evil because of all the suffering she went through at the hands of men, including a very subtly implied rape. All the bad things that she allegedly had done are ultimately proved to be false. She does hate everyone, but she gets better. Despite being a baby, Kirikou asks Karaba in marriage when she pulls a Heel–Face Turn, saying that he doesn’t like little girls. She doesn’t accept, of course, but then her kiss turns him into a handsome young man.

Nina Shah and Lisa MacKinlay (Nina’s Heavenly Delights, 2006)

Nina’s Heavenly Delights is a Rom Com about a cooking contest, directed by Pratibha Parmar. The death of her father Mohan brings prodigal daughter, Scot with Indian ancestry Nina (Shelley Conn) home again to Glasgow, her mother, siblings - and the family restaurant, “The Taj”. Being able to keep the latter now hinges on the cooking skills Nina learned at her father‘s knees. In the “Best of The West Curry Competition” she will have to face the former fiancé she left at the altar, Sanjay. In this competition, she will count with the partnership of Lisa, who owns half of the restaurant since Mohan’s death and already seems to be very much part of Nina’s family. And in the proccess, Lisa also becomes a part of Nina’s heart…

Lady and Tramp (Lady and the Tramp, 1955)

I grew up watching VHSs of the old Disney 2-D Animated movies over, and over, and over. And a thing that i find funny is that most people tend to quote movies from the 1990s Disney Renaissance as when Disney Couples started to met each other first instead of fall in love at first sight, bu when we make a retrospective, in actuality it was Lady and Tramp who started the trend. First they met at Lady’s house and have a verbal fight due to diverging points of view about humans, them they encounter each other again at the streets when she flees from Aunt Sarah, and they walk trough the zoo to unleash Ladys muzzle, Tramp takes her to dinner at Tonys (wich us gives Bella Notte, one of the most romantic scenes in movie history)… every step that a real couple takes to meet each other is taken by Lady and Tramp.

Orfeo x Eurydice (Black Orpheus, 1959)

Black Orpheus is a 1959 film, a French production shot in Brazil and in the Portuguese language. It is a retelling of the ancient myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, set in Rio during Carnaval. Orfeo is a trolley conductor who moonlights as a dancer in a samba school. He is engaged to be married to the gorgeous and passionate Mira, but doesn’t seem too enthused about it. On his trolley car, he meets Eurydice, who has arrived in Rio from the countryside because she is being chased by a mysterious man who she thinks is trying to kill her. Orfeo and Eurydice fall in love, but the strange man—Death himself—is still stalking her.

I TAG: @jgvfhl @johnnyclash87 @lioness--hart @mademoiselle-princesse

#film geek #ask game #tag game #send me questions #ask me things #get to know me #superkingofpridrock #tag yourself

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zachsgamejournal · 3 years

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PLAYING: Breath of Fire IV

My son has given up (he wants to play Submerged: Hidden Depths now), but I’m committed. Unlike Breath of Fire III, I remember very little from this game. And it moves along at a decent pace. I’m gonna see it through...

So--we got caught and kicked out of the Empire...

The kingdom of Ludia is really upset about Cray and Nina’s adventure. Not sure who they are exactly. We’re confronted by a short guy that reminds me red-nosed villain chasing Fou Lu. Same person? Anyway, Cray is apparently the Chief of Worens (cat like people). I do remember being excited that they explored that race more, since Rei was kind of on his own in BoF3.

Because Cray “lost” the king’s sword, a symbol of truce between the Empire and the Alliance, and he snuck into their territory, the Empire is demanding a “neutral zone” be established. Which is really the Empire grabbing more land from the Alliance. Nina is committed to helping Cray, so we plan to go to his home village for help: Worent.

On the way, we run into mischievous fairies in the forests. It’s kind of comical how BoF 3 & 4 represent fairies as trash-talking jerks. The fairies, as a prank, shrink Nina and she’s carried off to a bird nest. Ershin and Ryu can see the fairies, which annoys them and they present themselves. They semi-apologize for the joke and say the shrink spell won’t last forever. We’re supposed to listen to a bird chirp to identify Nina’s tree--but there’s like 3 trees, in a vary narrow map, so it’s hardly a challenge.

Nina, shrunken, tries to escape the nest, but the bird has mistaken her for a baby bird, given her wings, and presents Nina with a grub for snacking. Nina is grossed out, and there’s a mini-boss fight against the bird. As Nina tries to climb down the tree, Ershin head butts the tree, knocking Nina loose. As she falls, she grows and lands on Ryu (Funny).

We continue to Worent. The elders are angry about their Chief Cray’s capture. As a village of warriors (apparently inspired by Native American Aesthetic), they’re ready to go to war if Cray is executed. But they ask Nina to find Crazy’s mom for advice. Once Cray became Chief (after her husband’s death) she decided to live as a nomad. In order to find her, we have to navigate a large plain. This requires us to use a weird floating squid creature that the Empire uses in place of horses.

This sequence is similar to the desert bit from BoF3, but we don’t need water or have follow stars. It’s shorter too.

Finding Tarhn, she suggests we make a fake King’s Sword to replace the old one, absolving Cray of at least one crime (the weakest of the crimes, if I’m being honest). We’re directed to find the black smith who made the original. He lives in a volcano. More plain traveling, Volcano Dungeon. And--hey, a Dwarf! The dwarf is happy to help us, but he needs a “fairy drop”.

We return the fairies. They’re happy to help, but their home (where fairy drops come from) has been invaded. So they offer to take us there. “Turn around,” they say. It’s so they can drop a potted plant, rock, and other blunt objects on the characters’ heads. It’s kinda funny. Apparently they live in a dream world, so you gotta be a asleep to get there.

Very easily, we clear out the “nightmares” that have taken residence here. A fairy offers to get a fairy drops. She goes into the tall grass, grunts, and comes back with a fairy drop. Apparently a fairy drop is fairy poop.

We get back to the black smith and he makes us a King’s Sword copy. Returning to Ludia (I think), we try to present the sword to find that one has already been returned. We know the sword was broken, and that we have a fake, so where did this third sword come from? The Empire “returned it” but demanded the neutral zone. Now we have no leverage to get Cray.

Also, we’ve met a new character Scias. He’s joined us this whole time. It’s a tall Dog-Samurai type guy. I remember liking him the first time I played. He has a stutter, which is an interesting trait to give a warrior. He explains that he’s a mercenary, and says a future war would be good for him as it’s an opportunity to make money. He’s very intrigued by our heroes for working so hard to save Cray. He doesn’t quite understand it, but he’s been assigned to “watch us” so he comes along.

One of the officials fusses at Scias for letting our heroes run about, making fake swords and stuff. Scias simply says, “You told me to watch them, not stop them.” The official commands Scian, “Let me know if they do anything else!”

At this point, Nina decides to bust Cray out. We go to the castle at night. Nina asks Scias why he’s willing to help. Scias says, “They told me to let them know if you do anything, but they didn’t say to stop you.” We rescue Cray.

Cray wants to make sure the Woren don’t try anything stupid. They’re very thankful to have their chief back, safe and sound. Cray then wants to see his mother. He apologizes for his errors, but she tells him: “You’re not a child anymore, you don’t have to apologize to me.” She then reassures him that he clearly was doing what he thought was right. Reflecting on what to do, they realize the Empire has been looking for something. They decide that something is Ryu--who is indeed a dragon. They conclude the empire wants Ryu as a weapon. Nina offers the team travel to Wyndia to speak with the Air Dragon there.

WHOA--maybe we could have started there???

It’s interesting. As much as BoF3 annoyed me with having a clear mission (Meet with God) and then disrupted that mission with tons of petty tasks, I’m not as annoyed by BoF4 doing something similar. See, we’re trying to find Elina, and just as we’re getting close, we get deported. And then we have to do a 101 tasks to save Cray just to get back on track for solving our original task.

I think the difference is that each side-task does feel like it’s moving us forward, but it’s also giving us clues. I come out more knowledgeable about the Empire, the War, and what’s going on. It’s like a detective show where each clue introduces a new concept or perspective.

The game also moves pretty quick. Dungeons are pretty small and not super confusing. I’ve done zero grinding, and I’m not struggling to fight. BUT, I still don’t like it as much as BoF3.

BoF3 was filled with nuanced morality. Should I kill a monster that’s hassling farmers when it’s just trying to feed its children? Should I rob a criminal mayor who wrongfully overtaxes the population, leading to gangsters showing up? Everything was about the lesser evil, in a sense, with no clear choice of right and wrong.

I’m not getting that in BoF4 at all. I think there’s metaphor for nuclear weapons, and how war affects the average person, but it’s not super strong or as moving as BoF3′s conflicts.

On to Wyndia!

#Zach's Game Journal #PLAYING #Breath of Fire IV #PlayStation #Duckstation #Emulators #Where do fairy drops come from #Video Games

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cielrouge · 5 years

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2019 YA Reads by Authors of Color

96 Words for Love by Rachel Roy - While exploring her grandmother's past at an ashram in India with her cousin Anandi, Raya finds herself and, perhaps, true love in this modern retelling of the legend of Dushyanta and Shakuntala.

After the Fall by E.C. Myers - A year after the destruction of Beacon Academy, Team CFVY answers a distress call and are forced to relive their former battles, from both the fall of Beacon and from everything that came before.

All-American Muslim Girl by Nadine Jolie Courtney - Allie Abraham has it all going for her—she's a straight-A student, with good friends and a close-knit family, and she's dating cute, popular, and sweet Wells Henderson. Only one problem: Wells's father is Jack Henderson, America's most famous conservative shock jock...and Allie hasn't told Wells that her family is Muslim.

All the Things We Never Said by Yasmin Rahman - 16-year-old Mehreen Miah's anxiety and depression has taken over her life. So, she joins MementoMori, a website that matches people and allocates them a date and method of death. When Mehreen and her new friends change their minds, the website won't let them stop, and an increasingly sinister game begins.

The Athene Protocol by Shamim Sarif - Jessie Archer is a member of the Athena Protocol, an elite organization of female spies who enact vigilante justice around the world. But after Jessie goes her rogue, her former teammates have been ordered to bring her down. Jessie must face danger from all sides if she’s to complete her mission—and survive.

Barely Missing Anything by Matt Mendez - Three Mexican-Americans--Juan, JD, and Fabi--each try to overcome their individual struggles as they all grapple with how to make a better life for themselves when it seems like brown lives don't matter.

The Beast Player by Nahoko Uehashi - An epic YA fantasy about a girl with a special power to communicate with magical beasts and the warring kingdom only she can save.

The Beautiful by Renee Ahdieh - In 19th century New Orleans where vampires hide in plain sight and a serial killer is on the loose, half-Asian Celine Rosseau, a dressmaker from Paris, becomes embroiled in a murder mystery, connected to the glamorous supernatural cohort, known as the Court of Lions, and catching the eye of their mysterious, charismatic leader, Sèbastien Saint Germain.

The Beauty of the Moment by Tanaz Bhathena - Saudi-Canadian Susan is the new girl. Malcolm is the bad boy. Susan’s parents are on the verge of divorce. Malcolm’s dad is a known adulterer. Susan hasn’t told anyone, but she wants to be an artist. Malcolm doesn’t know what he wants—until he meets her. Love is messy and families are messier, but in spite of their burdens, Susan and Malcolm fall for each other.

The Best Lies by Sarah Lyu - Remy Tsai was happy once. Remy had her boyfriend Jack, and Elise, her best friend—her soulmate. But now Jack is dead, and it was Elise who pulled the trigger. Was it self-defense? Or something deeper, darker than anything Remy could have imagined?

Black Enough: Stories of Being Young & Black in America edit. by Ibi Zoboi - A short story anthology about what it is like to be young and black, centering on the experiences of black teens and emphasizing that one person's experiences, reality, and personal identity are different than someone else.

The Boxer by Nikesh Shukla - When racial tensions are rising in the city, and when a Far Right march through Bristol turns violent, 17-year-old amateur boxer Sunny faces losing his new best friend Keir to radicalization.

Brief Chronicle of Another Stupid Heartbreak by Adi Alsaid - Teen relationship columnist Lu Charles navigates life in the wake of a devastating breakup, and her decision to chronicle the planned breakup of another couple, Cal and Iris, in the summer after they graduate from high school.

The Candle and the Flame by Nafiza Azad - Set in the city of Noor, along the Silk Road which has become a refuge for those of all faiths, Fatima becomes embroiled in a war between two clans of powerful djinn who threaten to destroy her peace in different ways, forcing her to make unlikely alliances to survive.

Caster by Elsie Chapman - In this Chinese-inspired, magical Fight Club, Earth is already at the brink of environmental disaster due to the magic overuse. And 16-year-old spell caster Aza Wu must navigate through an illegal, underground battle magic tournament, while evading local gangs and police scouts to save her family from ruin.

Children of Virtue and Vengeance (Legacy of Orïsha #2) by Tomi Adeyemi - After battling the impossible, Zélie and Amari have finally succeeded in bringing magic back to the land of Orïsha. But with civil war looming on the horizon, Zélie finds herself at a breaking point: she must discover a way to bring the kingdom together or watch as Orïsha tears itself apart.

Circle of Shadows by Evelyn Skye - Love, spies, and adventure abound as apprentic warriors Sora and Daemon unravel a complex web of magic and secrets that might tear them—and the entire kingdom—apart forever.

Color Me In by Natasha Diaz - In this coming-of-age novel, biracal Neveah learns about the meaning of friendship, the joyful beginnings of romance, and the racism and religious intolerance that can both strain a family to the breaking point and strengthen its bonds.

Color Outside the Lines edited by Sangu Madanna - A groundbreaking YA anthology explores the complexity and beauty of interracial and LGBTQ+ relationships where differences are front and center.

Dealing in Dreams by Lilliam Rivera - 16-year-old Nalah leads the fiercest all-girl crew in Mega City, but when she sets her sights on giving this life up for a prestigious home in Mega Towers, she must decide if she's willing to do the unspeakable to get what she wants.

Dear Haiti, Love Alaine by Maika & Maritza Moulite - Told in epistolary style through letters, articles, emails, and diary entries, when a school presentation goes very wrong, Haitan-American Alaine Beauparlant finds herself suspended, shipped off to Haiti, and writing the report of a lifetime.

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He - In this Chinese-inspired fantasy, Princess Hesina of Yan is thrust into power when her beloved father is murdered, and she's determined to find his killer--whatever the cost.

Don’t Date Rosa Santos by Nina Moreno - Rosa Santos is cursed by the sea-at least, that's what they say. Dating her is bad news, especially if you're a boy with a boat. As her college decision looms, Rosa collides - literally - with Alex Aquino, the mysterious boy with tattoos of the ocean whose family owns the marina. With her heart, her family, and her future on the line, can Rosa break a curse and find her place beyond the horizon.

The Downstairs Girl by Stacey Lee - In 1890, Atlanta, 17-year-old Jo Kuan works as a lady's maid, but by night, Jo moonlights as newspaper advice columnist "Dear Miss Sweetie." When her efforts put Jo in the crosshairs of Atlanta's most notorious criminal, she must decide whether she, a girl used to living in the shadows, is ready to step into the light

A Dream So Dark by L.L. McKinney - Still reeling from her recent battle (and grounded until she graduates) Alice must cross the Veil to rescue her friends and stop the Black Knight once and for all in Wonderland.

Eclipse the Stars by Maura Milan - Criminal mastermind and unrivaled pilot Ia Ccha and her allies make unpredictable choices as they fight to keep darkness from eclipsing the skies.

The Everlasting Rose by Dhonielle Clayton - Camille, Edel, and Remy, aided by The Iron Ladies and backed by alternative newspaper The Spider's Web, race to outwit Sophia, find Princess Charlotte, and return her to Orléans.

Fake It Till You Break It by Jenn P. Nguyen - Neighbors Mia and Jake pretend to fake date to get their respective mothers off their back. All they have to do is pretend to date and then stage the worst breakup of all time. The only problem is, maybe Jake and Mia don’t hate each other as much as they once thought.

Far From Agrabah by Aisha Saeed - On an adventure in a fantastical kingdom, Aladdin and Jasmine get caught up in the magic therein. But soon sinister outside forces come into play, threatening to strand them there forever.

The Field Guide to the North American Teenager by Ben Philippe - When Norris, a Black French Canadian, starts his junior year at an Austin, Texas, high school, he views his fellow students as clichés from "a bad 90s teen movie."

Firestarter (Timekeeper #3) by Tara Sim - Colton, Daphne, and the others must choose between those striving to take down the world's clock towers so that time can run freely, and terrorists trying to bring back the lost god of time.

Five Dark Fates (Three Dark Crowns #4) by Kendare Blake - In this conclusion to the Three Dark Crowns series, three dark sisters will rise to fight as the secrets of Fennbirn’s history are laid bare. Allegiances will shift. Bonds will be tested, and some broken forever.

Five Midnights by Ann Davila Cardinal - If Lupe Dávila and Javier Utierre can survive each other’s company, together they can solve a series of grisly murders sweeping though Puerto Rico. But the clues lead them out of the real world and into the realm of myths and legends.

Forward Me Back to You by Mitali Perkins - Told in separate voices, Kat and Robin leave Boston on a church mission to help combat human trafficking in India while Kat recovers from a sexual assault and Robin seeks his birth mother.

Frankly in Love by David Yoon - Korean-American Frank Li Frank falls for Brit Means, who is smart, beautiful–and white. Fellow Limbo Joy Song is in a similar predicament, and so they make a pact: they’ll pretend to date each other. Frank thinks it’s the perfect plan, but in the end, Frank and Joy’s fake-dating maneuver leaves him wondering if he ever really understood love–or himself–at all.

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett - HIV-positive teen Simone Garcia-Hampton must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love--and lust--for the first time.

The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi - Paris, 1889: Treasure-hunter and wealthy hotelier, Séverin Montagnet-Alarie gets the chance of a lifetime when the all-powerful society, the Order of Babel, seeks him out for help in exchange for a priceless treasure: his true inheritance.

The Girl King by Mimi Yu - Sisters Lu and Min become unwitting rivals in a war to claim the title of Emperor.

Girls of Storm and Shadow (Girls of Paper and Fire #2) by Natasha Ngan - After escaping the Hidden Palace, Lei and her warrior love Wren must travel the kingdom to gain support from the far-flung rebel clans.

The Grief Keeper by Alexandra Villasante - To have her family’s asylum request accepted, 17-year-old Marisol participates in a risky experiment to become a grief keeper, taking another’s grief into her own body to save a life.

His Hideous Heart edited by Dahlia Adler - 13 of YA’s most celebrated names reimagine Edgar Allan Poe’s most surprising, unsettling, and popular tales for a new generation.

A House of Rage and Sorrow (Celestial Trilogy #2) by Sangu Mandanna - As gods, beasts, and kingdoms choose sides, Alexi seeks out a weapon more devastating than even Titania. The House of Rey is at war. And the entire galaxy will bleed before the end.

How to Be Remy Cameron by Julian Winters - When Remy is assigned to write an essay describing himself, he goes on a journey to reconcile the labels that people have attached to him, and get to know the real Remy Cameron.

Hungry Hearts: 13 Tales of Food & Love edited by Elsie Chapman & Caroline Tung Richmond - Interconnected short stories that explore the intersection of family, culture, and food in the lives of thirteen teens.

I Hope You Get This Message by Farah Naz Rishi - When news stations start reporting that Earth has been contacted by a planet named Alma, the world is abuzz with rumors that the alien entity is giving mankind only few days to live. And with only seven days to face their truths and right their wrongs, Jesse, Cate, and Adeem’s paths collide even as their worlds are pulled apart.

I Love You So Mochi by Sarah Kuhn - Japanese-American fashionista Kimi Nakamura who journeys to Japan on a quest of self-discovery after her college plans fall apart; along the way, she reconnects with her estranged grandparents and finds romance with a handsome med student Akira who moonlights as a costumed mochi mascot.

I Wanna Be Where You Are by Kristina Forest - Chloe Pierce’s chasing her ballet dreams down the east coast— with two unwanted (but kinda cute) passengers in her car, butterflies in her stomach, and a really dope playlist.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver - Non-binary teen Ben De Backer is kicked out by their parents after coming out, but learns that sometimes from disaster one can build a happier new life,

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann - Winnie dreams of someday inheriting the family diner—but it'll go away if they can't make money, and fast. Winnie has a solution—win a televised cooking competition and make bank.

In the Key of Nira Ghani by Natasha Deen - Guyanese-American Nira Ghani struggles with parental expectations and her love for jazz.

Internment by Samira Ahmed - Set in a near future in the United States where Muslim Americans are forced into an internment camp, 17-year-old Layla Amin must fight against Islamophobia, oppression, and complicit silence.

Inventing Victoria by Tonya Bolden - In 1880s Savannah, Dorcas Vashton offers Essie an offer she can't refuse, she becomes Victoria. Transformed by a fine wardrobe, a classic education, and the rules of etiquette, Victoria is soon welcomed in the upper echelons of black society in Washington, D. C. But when the life she desires is finally within her grasp, Victoria must decide how much of herself she is truly willing to surrender.

It’s a Whole Spiel: Love, Latkes & Other Jewish Stories edited by Katherine Locke & Laura Silverman - Get ready to fall in love, experience heartbreak, and discover the true meaning of identity in this poignant collection of short stories about Jewish teens.

Kick the Moon by Muhammad Khan - 15-year-old Ilyas finds a kindred spirit in Kelly Matthews during detention. But when Kelly catches the eye of one of the local bad boys, Imran, he decides to seduce her for a bet. Standing up to Imran puts Ilyas’ family at risk, but it’s time for him to be the superhero he draws in his comic-books, and go kick the moon.

A Kingdom for the Stage (For A Muse of Fire #2) by Heidi Heilig - The rebels are eager to use Le Trépas’s and necromancer Jetta’s combined magic against the invading colonists. Soon Jetta will face the choice between saving all of Chakrana or becoming like her father, and she isn’t sure which she’ll choose.

Kingdom of Souls by Rena Barron - Set in a West African-inspired fantasy kingdom, Arrah comes from a long line of powerful witchdoctors, yet fails at magic. When Arrah trade years off her life for magic to stop the Demon King from destroying the world—that is if it doesn't kill her first.

Kings, Queens, and Everything in Between by Tanya Boteju - 17-year-old, biracial, queer girl Nina Kumara-Clark is plunged into the delirious world of drag where she has the chance to explore questions of identity and love.

The Last 8 by Laura Pohl - Young Latina pilot Clover Martinez finds herself grounded and alone after a devastating alien attack, but soon finds hope in an unlikely group of survivors who aren't what they seem.

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki - Teenager Frederica Riley undergoes what might possibly be the most epically complicated breakup in lesbian history -- or at least it feels that way

The Light At the Bottom of the World by London Shah - Set in a future where the Earth is underwater, Leyla McQueen must navigate the treacherous abyss to find her missing father, but discovers a world drowning in lies.

Like A Love Story by Abdi Nazemian - It's 1989 in New York City, three teens, Reza, Judy, and Art cross paths. Judy has never imagined finding romance...until she falls for Reza and they start dating. But as Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won't break Judy's heart--and destroy the most meaningful friendship he's ever known.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan - After she’s caught kissing her girlfriend by her conservative Muslim parents, Rukhsana Ali whisked off from Seattle to Bangladesh, where she must find the courage to fight for her love, but can she do so without losing everyone and everything in her life?

Love from A to Z by S.K. Ali - 18-year-old Muslims Adam and Zayneb meet in Doha, Qatar, during spring break and fall in love as both struggle to find a way to live their own truths.

Love Me or Miss Me by Dream Jordan - Kate's fantasy life of having the perfect family comes to an abrupt end when she is suddenly forced to return to the group home. Alone and vulnerable, Kate falls for the ever so gorgeous Percy who treats her well at first, but soon a cycle of controlling and abusive behavior begins. Will she be able to escape Percy's clutches?

The Magnolia Sword: A Ballad of Mulan by Sherry Thomas - As they cross the Great Wall to face the enemy beyond, Mulan and the princeling must find a way to unwind their past, unmask a traitor, and uncover the plans for the Rouran invasion . . . before it's too late.

A Match Made in Mehendi by Nandini Bajpai - 15-year-old Indian-American Simran “Simi” Sangha, who comes from a long line of matchmakers, decides to try to gain high school popularity using her family's matchmaking traditions to create a dating app.

The Never Tilting World by Rin Chupeco - In a world ruled by goddesses that has been split in two—one half existing in perpetual scorching Day, the other in freezing Night—twins separated at birth Odessa and Haidee embark on a quest across the great divide and rule a reunited world.

No One Here is Lonely by Sarah Everett - After having her heart so broken, Eden resorts to having her memories erased instead.

Nocturna by Maya Motayne - In a Latinx-inspired kingdom of Castallan, face-changing thief Finn Voy and grief-stricken Prince Alfehr must race to vanquish a dark magic they have accidentally unleashed.

Not Your Backup by C.B. Lee (Sidekick Squad #3) - As the Resistance moves to challenge the corrupt League of Heroes, Emma Robledo realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front.

Oh My Gods by Alexandra Sheppard - Half-mortal teenager Helen Thomas goes to live with her father—who is Zeus, masquerading as a university professor—and must do her best to keep the family secret intact.

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas - When 16-year-old Bri, an aspiring rapper, pours her anger and frustration into her first song, she finds herself at the center of a controversy.

Once & Future by Amy Rose Capetta & Cori McCarthy - In this Arthurian retelling set in space, King Arthur is reincarnated as 17-year-old Ari, a female king whose quest is to stop a tyrannical corporate government, aided by a teenaged Merlin.

Opposite of Always by Justin A. Reynolds - After falling for Kate, her unexpected death sends Jack back in time to the moment they first met, but he soon learns that his actions have unintended consequences.

Our Wayward Fate by Gloria Chao - 17-year-old teen outcast Ali Chu is simultaneously swept up in a whirlwind romance and down a rabbit hole of dark family secrets when another Taiwanese family moves to her small, predominantly white Midwestern town.

Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribar - When 17-year-old Jay Reguero learns his Filipino cousin and former best friend, Jun, was murdered as part of President Duterte's war on drugs, he flies to the Philippines to learn more.

Permanent Record by Mary H.K. Choi - Brooklyn bodega worker Pablo crosses paths & falls in love with multi-platinum recording artist Leanna Smart.

Rated by Melissa Grey - For the students at the prestigious Maplethorpe Academy, every single thing they do is reflected in their Ratings System. But when an act of vandalism sullies the front doors of the school, it sets off a chain reaction that will shake the lives of six special students -- and the world beyond.

Teen Titans: Raven by Kami Garcia - When a tragic accident takes the life of the only family she's ever known, 16-year-old Raven is sent to New Orleans to start over. She soon discovers that she can hear the thoughts of others around her...and another, more disturbing, voice in her head.

Rebel (Legend #4) by Marie Lu - Brothers Eden and Daniel Wing struggle to accept who they’ve each become since their time in the Republic, but a new danger creeps into the distance that’s grown between them. Eden soon finds himself drawn so far into Ross City’s dark side, even his legendary brother can’t save him. At least not on his own.

The Revolution of Birdie Randolph by Brandy Colbert - Dove “Birdie” Randolph maintains a close bond with her parents until first love and a family secret threatens to tear them apart.

The Rise of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee - The never-before-told backstory of Avatar Kyoshi, from a girl of humble origins to the merciless pursuer of justice who is still feared and admired centuries after she became the Avatar.

A River of Royal Blood by Amanda Joy - A North African-inspired feminist fantasy in which two sisters, Eva and Isa must compete in a magical duel to the death for the right to inherit the queendom of Myre.

Rogue Heart (Rebel Seoul #2) by Axie Oh - Two years after the Battle of Neo Seoul, 18-year-old telepath Ama must use her telepathic abilities to infiltrate the base of the Alliance’s new war commander, Alex Kim, her first love who betrayed her. Will she be able to carry out her task? Or will she give up everything for Alex again—only to be betrayed once more?

Ruse (Want #2) by Cindy Pon - In near-future Shanghai where society is divided between the fabulously wealthy business elite and the masses they exploit, Jason Zhou must play a dangerous cat and mouse game with the ruthless CEO of an all powerful corporation which has an ever-growing choke hold on the polluted metropolis.

Soaring Earth by Margarita Engle - In this memoir, Young People’s Poet Laureate Margarita Engle recounts her teenage years during the turbulent 1960s between Cuba and America.

Shadow Frost by Coco Ma - When Asterin Faelenhart, Princess of Axaria and heir to the throne, discovers that she may hold the key to defeating the demon terrorizing her kingdom, she vows not to rest until the beast is slain.

Take the Mic: Fictional Stories About Everyday Resistance edited by Bethany C. Morrow - A YA anthology focused on a collection of fictional stories of everyday resistance.

The Shadow Glass (Bone Witch #3) by Rin Chupeco - Bone witch Tea's dark magic eats away at her, but she must save the one she loves most, even while her life—and the kingdoms—are on the brink of destruction.

Shatter the Sky by Rebecca Kim Wells - Maren, desperate to save her kidnapped girlfriend Kaia, plans to steal one of the emperor's dragons and storm the Aurati stronghold, but her success depends on becoming an apprentice to the mysterious dragon trainer, which proves to be a dangerous venture.

SLAY by Brittney Morris - Black video game developer Kiera Johnson battles a real-life troll intent on ruining the Black Panther-inspired video game she created, and the safe community it represents for black gamers.

Somewhere Only We Know by Maurene Goo - In Hong Kong, k-pop star Lucky who'd like to be anyone else meets charming con-boy Jack, looking for a big break to impress his paparazzo father. When sparks ignite, the two must decide if they can risk it all for each other.

Song of the Abyss (Towers of Wind #2) by Makiia Lucier - When menacing raiders attack her ship, navigator Reyna must use every resource at her disposal, including placing her trust in a handsome prince from a rival kingdom.

Song of the Crimson Flower by Julie C. Dao - After cruelly rejecting Bao, the poor physician's apprentice who loves her, Lan, a wealthy nobleman's daughter, regrets her actions. After learning that Bao’s soul has been trapped inside a flute by a witch, Lan vows to make amends and help break the spell.

Soul of the Sword (Shadow of the Fox #2) by Julie Kagawa - As the paths of Yumeko and the possessed Tatsumi cross once again, the entire empire will be thrown into chaos.

Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim - 17-year-old Maia Tamarin poses as a boy to compete for the role of imperial tailor, and embarks on an impossible journey to sew three magic dresses, from the sun, the moon, and the stars, with help from the mysterious court magician, Edan.

Spin by Lamar Giles - When DJ ParSec, rising star of the local music scene, is found dead over her turntables, the two girls who found her, Kya and Fuse, are torn between grief for Paris and hatred for each other--but when the investigation stalls, they unite, determined to find out who murdered their friend.

The Stars the Blackness Between Them by Junauda Petraus - Audre from Trinidad and Mabel from Minneapolis, fall in love and create magic at the same time they learn one of them might not have long to live.

Stronger Than A Bronze Dragon by Mary Fan - In this steampunk fantasy set in Qing dynasty-inspired China, warrior girl Anlei teams up with a thief to save her village from shadow spirits, but after arriving at the Courts of Hell, a discovery challenges everything they know about who the real enemy is.

Symptoms of a Heartbreak by Sonia Charaipotra - The youngest doctor in America, Indian-American teen Saira makes her rounds―and falls head over heels in this romantic comedy.

Tell Me How You Really Feel by Aminah Mae Safi - Sana Khan and Rachel Recht, on opposite sides of the social scale must work together to make a movie and try very hard not to fall in love.

The Things She’s Seen by Ambelin & Ezekiel Kwaymullina - As Beth Teller and her father unravel a mystery, they find a shocking and heartbreaking story lurking beneath the surface of a small town, and a friendship that lasts beyond one life and into another...

There’s Something About Sweetie (When Dimple Met Rishi #3) by Sandhya Menon - Told in two voices, disappointed-in-love Ashish Patel and self-proclaimed fat athlete Sweetie Nair begin to find their true selves while dating under contract.

This Time Will Be Different by Misa Sugiura - 17-year-old CJ Katsuyama’s mom decides to sell her family’s flower shop—to the family who swindled CJ’s grandparents during WWII Internment. Soon a rift threatens to splinter CJ’s family, friends, and their entire Northern California community; and for the first time, CJ has found something she wants to fight for.

A Thousand Fires by Shannon Price - In modern-day San Francisco where three gangs rule the city streets, half-Filipina teen Valerie Simons enters the Red Bridge Wars to seek vengeance for her younger brother's death, but soon finds herself torn between old love and new loyalty.

The Tiger at Midnight by Swati Teerdhala - In ancient India, soldier Kunal hunts the “Viper,” rebel girl Esha accused of killing his General, embarking on a dangerous cat and mouse game and where both must decide—loyalty to their old lives or to a love that's made them dream of new ones.

Truly, Madly, Royally by Debbie Riguad - When Prince Owen invites Zora Emerson to be his date at his big brother's big royal wedding, Zora is suddenly thrust into the spotlight, along with her family and friends.

The Universal Laws of Marco by Carmen Rodrigues - Told through the lens of a guy in love with the cosmos (and maybe two girls), this story explores the complicated histories that bring us together and tear us apart.

Virtually Yours by Sarvenz Tash - NYU freshman Mariam Vakilian tries out a virtual reality dating app, only to be matched up with the high school ex she's still not over. Mariam’s heart is telling her one thing, but the app is telling her another. So, which should she trust? Is all fair in modern love?

The Voice in My Head by Dana L. Davis - When a sequence of wrenching secrets detonates, Indigo must figure out how to come to terms with her twin sister Violet, her family…and the voice in her head.

War Girls by Tochi Onyebuchi - Set in a futuristic, Black Panther-inspired Nigeria, sisters Onyii and Ify, separated by a devastating civil war, must fight their way back to each other against all odds.

Watch Us Rise by Renee Watson & Ellen Hagan - Jasmine and Chelsea start a Women's Rights Club and soon go viral. But with such positive support, the club is also targeted by online trolls. When things escalate, the principal shuts the club down. Jasmine and Chelsea will risk everything for their voices—and those of other young women—to be heard.

What Makes You Beautiful by Bridget Liang - Encouraged and supported by his friends at school, Logan begins questioning his gender. Realizing they are not a gay boy, but a transgender girl, Logan asks for people to call them Veronica. As a girl, does Veronica stand a chance with straight boy Kyle?

We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal - In a world inspired by ancient Arabia, 17-year-old huntress Zafira must disguise herself as a man to seek a lost artifact that could return magic to her cursed world.

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia - Set at the Medio School for Girls, where young women are trained to become one of two wives assigned to high society men; with revolution brewing in the streets, star student Daniela Vargas fights to protect a destructive secret, sending her into the arms of the most dangerous person possible—the second wife of her husband-to-be.

The Weight of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf - A music-loving teen with OCD does everything she can to find her way back to her mother during the historic race riots in 1969 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

When the Stars Lead to You by Ronni Davis - 18-year-old Devon longs for two things.The stars. And the boy she fell in love with last summer. Senior year, Ashton shows up on the first day of school. Can she forgive him and open her heart again? Or are they doomed to repeat history?

Wicked Fox by Kat Cho - After 18-year-old Miyoung Gu, a nine-tailed fox surviving in modern-day Seoul by eating the souls of evil men, kills a murderous goblin to save Jihoon, she is forced to choose between her immortal life and his.

With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo - With her daughter to care for and her abuela to help support, high school senior and aspiring chef Emoni Santiago has to make the tough decisions. But even with all the rules she has for her life — and all the rules everyone expects her to play by — once Emoni starts cooking, her only real choice is to let her talent break free.

You Must Be Layla by Yasmin Abdel-Magied - Layla's mind goes a million miles a minute, so does her mouth. Despite the setback of a high school suspension, Layla's determined to show everyone that she does deserve her scholarship and sets her sights on winning a big invention competition. But where to begin? Looking outside and in, Layla will need to come to terms with who she is and who she wants to be if she has any chance of succeeding.

#authors of color #book recommendations #yalit #women of color authors #AWW YISSS IT'S MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN!!!

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