#OH AND RYAN but fuck Ryan I hate Ryan man I HATE HIM. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.

[moregraceful]

picture the trope where A rushes up to B at a crowded bar or club and says please please do a me a favor and kiss me/act like my date to make my ex jealous/make this asshole stop hitting on me/some other urgent reason. who on the Giants, Sharks, and/or Cuda is most likely to be A? who as B is most likely to say sure I got ya? who is most likely to say fuck no? you can answer within each team or across teams, however you like.

omg well first of all I would be remiss in admitting that I sort of wrote this fic with Kris Bryant and Brandon Crawford, when I was deep in my Kris Bryant Is A Giant thirst and very foolishly believed Farhan Zaidi did not want me dead in the delta somewhere, BUT it lacked urgency. also it's not very good. but it exists, as a time capsule...

Giants: I truly believe Patrick Bailey is so goofy in private that he doesn't know shit about fuck but he IS good in a crisis, so he cheerfully kisses the hell out of Brett Wisely when Brett begs him to play along to get this asshole off his back. (ig we're going rookies tonight.) conversely Joc Pederson would say fuck no bc I don't trust him and also the Rogers twins would be too confused to play along appropriately but their corpse-like pallor and dead-eyed stares would get the job done just the same. I love them. Anyway I chose Brett Wisely for A bc sometimes he reminds me of a nervous purse dog

Sharks: this was so hard bc I don't actually know who is on the Sharks...I think Oskar Lindblom is still a Shark?? and I think he would be in a club and some guys would get too weird about him AND! controversial opinion, I think he would turn to Mario Ferraro for help bc no one's fucking with a guy with no teeth even if that guy reviews bagels on Youtube. Mario doesn't kiss him but he very possessively puts an arm around Oskar and smiles with zero teeth. Also Vlasic would say no to kissing, but he does start talking so loudly about water filtration and body decomposition that the guys who were getting too wild with Oskar get freaked out and leave them alone. Oskar is A because he is very pretty and often looks startled

Cuda: Daniil Gushchin needs to make his ex jealous...thanks for being my guy, tall Russian guy with a sweet smile <3 Nikolai Knyzhov is not his guy, he does not want this, his sexuality crisis is private and personal, but when a feral little man is climbing him like a tree, what is he going to do honestly. This guy seems like he might bite hard enough to draw blood if Nikolai drops him?? Guess he's gotta kiss him. This is a crossover bc I just looked at the Cuda roster and Kny isn't listed however it's important to me that Goosh and Kny kiss. Also I think Shakir Mukhamadullin would be so startled he would say no but then he would feel really bad and buy Goosh a drink so the ex gets jealous in the end anyway. I also got in at the ground floor of the Artem Guryev hype machine last year at the rookie tournament and I'm determined to get everybody on fuckin board this year now that he's with the team for real, so I'm saying he doesn't say yes to kissing but he does IMMEDIATELY start swinging, which is not what Goosh wanted, but is, in some ways, even better.

Thank you for asking...this made me so happy to think about...

#looking at the cuda roster is giving me several new fears btw (googled so i could spell mukh's name correctly) #mike grier and joe will really said how can we create the most chaotic defense corps in at the ahl level. and followed their bliss #there are no dads. we're gonna die. sieloff i am begging you to announce your retirement and join the coaching staff #ur seriously going to leave NICK CICEK to parent ARTEM GURYEV. ALONE?? oh my god we're fucked #hey do we like ryan carpenter. i need an old man to thirst after and for some reason i feel like people canceled scott sanbourin #maybe it was just maple leafs fans cancelling him. i can't keep track of what's a cancellable offense and what is just #''scored on our goalie that we hate and want traded but no one is allowed to score on us ever so fuck this guy'' #that tag is going to get me in trouble sorry maple leafs fans. i don't understand you but i respect your beliefs. coexist #ok i gotta close this roster tab it's giving me too much anxiety. why is henry thrun listed as a cuda but not kasper halttunen #18yo second rounder YOU are a san jose shark!!! #cage replies #tausendsorgen

[lemonteaforbo]

HELLO, GUYS WITH BLUE EYES, GLASSES AND THAT CAN PLAY THE GUITAR. I WILL HYPERFIXATE ON YOU SO HARD.

#bo burnham #cyrus. yeah. I SAID HIS NAME- *FUCKING EXPLODES* #OH AND RYAN but fuck Ryan I hate Ryan man I HATE HIM. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE. #Wait Ryan is just Bo tbh #WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THERE ONLY TWO?? I SWEAR THERE WAS MORE #OH MY GOD THE ONCE-LER. #but he has like sunglasses...still counts #Okay so what have we learned from this? Bo Burnham is hot. That's what we have learned mhm #Also please make more of these guys I need more...gotta collect them all and then hyperfixate majorly

[angelisgonnastartchangingurls]

alice, on a wednesday

"revenge porn? he fucking revenge-porned you?" alice was furious. after a brief make up conversation from their fight last week, annie had blurted out the whole story, and now there were no walls between her and alice again.

"it's like, it would almost be hot if it hadn't been ryan. but because it was him, it sucks," annie said.

"oh, i totally get it. like your angry himbo man you were fucking. if he was just posting your pictures without your permission to brag about you?"

"yeah, that's hot as fuck."

"totally agree. but the idea that he was trying to shame you... ugh, i don't like it. i fucking hate him. i want to kick his ass for you."

alice was relieved to hear that most of annie's friends had rallied for her. there were a few people, annie was still learning, who had gone the other way. she'd unblocked all the numbers that julia had blocked on her phone and read their shitty messages. it was upsetting. alice had a lot of experience in this regard.

"i've fucked a couple of married men in my time," alice said. "and things got messy. kind of on purpose. i was big on drama in my 20s. but by acting out as much as i wanted to, i learned who my real ride or die friends were!"

"well, julia is my ride or die and i fucked her boyfriend."

"well, just don't tell her. it'll go away."

annie knew this was bad advice but she took it anyway.

she met her dad for coffee that afternoon. he let her know that ryan had emailed the photos to him but that he'd only seen the first one and then deleted the message.

"i appreciate that," annie said. "but also i'm not shy, you can see me naked."

"i do feel a bit like, by telling you i thought sex was the only important part of relationships, i had a hand in causing this."

"well, what if you're right?" she said. "when did you last fuck mom?"

"this morning, in the shower," he said.

"hot," annie said, and laughed. "i have this patient who is so annoyed by her parents, but one thing i hear from her is how horny they are for each other, her dad is always filming her mom and stuff... i think it's nice."

"i don't think everyone in the world is hard-wired to be primarily sexual," he said. "but i think i am, and your mom is, and you are. but it's not surprising that your patient is averse to thinking about her parents fucking."

when annie got home, she got stoned in the bathtub and called jonah again. he came over before she was even out of the tub, and gave her two long, exceptional fucks. annie quite liked being on her hands and knees for him. he was so tall, his torso towered over her body. annie was 5'9", not that tall, but tall enough that it was an unfamiliar sensation to be dwarfed by a man.

he came on the front of her body both times even as she requested he cum inside her.

"why didn't you cum inside me?" she asked after the second time. "i was begging for it."

"i don't know, it seems too romantic," he said.

"not to me," she said. "it feels like... maximum dirty."

"are you on birth control?"

"no," annie said.

"well, that's another good reason why not," he laughed.

"you don't want to fuck a baby into me?" she asked, laughing.

"you did so much cocaine yesterday. i would not recommend getting pregnant. but you know, i never became a doctor."

"i never paid attention in sex ed," annie said. "i always got too horny to pay attention."

annie went to see carlos the next morning. she updated him on the whole ryan revenge porn fiasco. he seemed unsurprised. "he crossed a line, but you pushed him there," he said.

"fuck you," annie said.

"the mouth on you," he said. "you're definitely in some kind of spiral right now. just try to slow down."

annie absorbed this. "you're right," she said. "i am losing control."

"but if you can see that about yourself, it's a great sign," he said.

"isn't it kind of a sign that i'm potentially a sociopath?"

carlos sighed. "yeah, it can also be that sometimes."

[bluepuppethidinginafilingcabinet]

another chapter, another confused me

anyway here’s the notes for this week

ryan g immediately knowing something is up with the box. so true.

beef boy is apparently about to fight the professor

well that was a noise that the professor made

i will not be calling him beef man. i can compromise with beef boi.

we stan bessie

so she’s been girlbossing since birth

ryan’s day drinking apparently

growing broke via college? she’s so me fr

i would not like to walk around with a marching band. it’d be cool but i’d get so many headaches.

i too am sad every time i’m on a plane

huh she brought a band

working a job you hate to gain money to do what you like? sounds about right.

the professors little head peeking up from under the stage inexplicably

we stan charming men into giving more tips

i love bessie with my whole heart

having siblings is so fun :|

oh so he doesn’t remember huh?

hi horse wife. i’m. what. is. happening. in. this. ad.

i’m still confused as to why we can so clearly see a forearm when dorothy ruth is here.

also every week i sit here and go “isn’t she dead?” and still have no answers

uh ryan you cannot talk about puppet murder that casually

very unfortunate that she couldn’t find a pilot but slay for going to france

working at a chili parlor sounds like it could be really nice. or really awful. i’m not sure.

is it because she’s black, a woman, or american? it’s all of them. isn’t it?

oh it’s cause she’s a woman

2 women died? alright no more. no women allowed. the sky is for men.

that’s a really long school name

9 MILES TO THE AIRFIELD??????

so that plane is old as fuck huh?

that sounds absolutely terrifying to fly. i don’t even want to fly a plane now.

she’s slaying

that was the most uncomfortable c-dogs bit i have ever witnessed

that was a misleading question

i love that she’s just dramatizing her backstory. as she should honestly.

we love a hollywood rejecting queen

SHE GOT A PLANE

okay well at least she didn’t just not show up i guess??

but also ouch

ooo she’d hate being stuck in a hospital for that long.

i love that she wants to open a school

girlie just jumping out of planes and parachuting to end her shows

i love her for just refusing to fly if people are gonna be dicks.

“what have you done?” “well i guess i got murdered.”

this plane is gonna crash isn’t it.

i hate this.

no thanks.

FUCK DUDE

she just fell out of a fucking plane

that sucks ass

WHO THE FUCK WOULD LIGHT A CIGARETTE

a loose wrench? hmmm

that’s a big ass funeral

fucking racist ass media. goddammit. i hate people.

the shade being thrown at florida. damn.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HER OBITUARY WASNT RUN TILL 2019?????????

WHAT THE FUCK

IM SO ANGRY

that cloud scares me

also the arm is so visible

ryan’s little white board message is a mood “he’s up to something. not sure what.”

you’re telling me this cloud had a three way with a rainbow and a goodyear blimp???

another message “don’t fall for it”

what the fuck

the jfk assassination?

also the increasing chance that you’ll die in the lyrics

refuse the lotion ryan. that’s it. good. avoid the lotion.

the pterodactyl wanting to eat the stars is a mood honestly

doesn’t recognize the stars… that’s odd.

awww the professor misses ryan :(

that one really bright star is concerning

and that’s all for this week. see you next time folks.

#watcher #watcher entertainment #we are watcher #all hail the watcher #puppet history #the professor #puppet history season 5 #ryan bergara #shane madej

[codradin]

Oh? Current hyperfixations!?

(Sorry I read your new Bio and got curious)

*CRACKS KNUCKLES*

NOW YOUVE DONE IT. NOW YOU GOT ME STARTED!

The fictional men that live in my head rent free (a little literally) is my idiot interpretation of Glitchy Red and Steven Strangled red.

Glitchy, who's Ryan in my universe, is a Trans man who's parents were crazy cultists.

Steven is possessed by a demon, the embodiment of Spite, pyrrhic.

I should note in my version of their cartridge of fucked up pokemon that 1. Everyone is dead and this is the afterlife, 2. The entire place is overseen by essentially Cthuluian gods, the Void Lord's. That is who Ryan's parents worship.

Long story short that I could get into later, demons kidnap them, turn Ryan into a glitch, drive Steven well into insanity, and they escape the Distortion World via Ryan catching giratina in a spawned in master ball.

But really the fun part for me is 1. Ryan is my comfort character and he must suffer and 2. Their relationship dynamic.

Steven (when not driven insane by pyrrhic) is a very kind, gentle man. A himbo, if you will. He doesn't think of himself as very smart (despite being actually quite intelligent), so he mostly leaves the Thinking to Ryan.

Ryan is my beaten dog of a man. His parents were crazy and abusive, and now he bears the knowledge of the universe in his mortal mind and is Mildly Insane. He's very aggressive, very snappy, he's just PISSY. He doesn't like people, and people don't like him.

Other than Steven, of course.

Ryan is stupidly, madly in love with Steven, and he hates that he loves him. He can't admit it, he WONT admit it, even to himself, until stevens like. Got him up against the wall, in essence. Steven is DENSE, but he knows Ryan well enough to know that Ryan treats him differently. They kiss, I dunno, the end, they definitely don't die to cthulu all is well

#fishman speaks #fishman writes #shit do i tag this. fuck. #glitchy red #steven strangled red #uhhh. #pokepasta #im very normal

[ewzzy]

I haven't made a real list, but since I spend all my time reading comics here's a top ten for 2022. (no particular order) First up is Kyle Starks' I Hate This Place. Kyle is always the best and a couple inheriting a farm only to find out it's haunted by ghosts/aliens/demons/cyptids/everything is a great hook.

Next up is the new Amazing Spider-Man series that brings back writer Zeb Wells and artist John Romita Jr. They're two of the best to ever do Spider-Man and as they tend to do they drag him through the mud along the way.

Adjacent to Spider-Man is Jed Mackay doing more Black Cat stories. He's writing the Moon Knight, Black Cat, and Dr Strange series and has proven to be one of the best and most prolific writers in the Marvel bullpen. Here's a bit from Mary Jane & Black Cat: Beyond.

Too bad for Jed but this was the year Chip Zdarsky hit homer after home with so many great series. Daredevil, Stillwater, Public Domain, and two Batman series that are all comic of the year level. It's been crazy watching the comedy guy known for Sex Criminals become the most prized writer at the big two. Nobody but Chip gets to write Batman and work for Marvel at the same time.

I've been going on and on about writers but the recent Poison Ivy series is all about artist Marcio Takara. I normally wouldn't give a series like this a chance but it's a beautiful horror comic where a lot of folks get torn apart by fungal spores.

I also wouldn't have touched a Harley Quinn series but Riley Rossmo's art will get me to read anything. He just started a new Robin series where Tim Drake is living in a boat house and working as a private eye. So far so good!

I don't care about the Eternals or Avengers and keeping up with the X-Men is exhausting but the A.X.E. Judgement Day event was great. Basically the superheroes create a new god and it decides to judge everyone on earth individually. If it does the math and we're mostly bad the earth goes bye bye. Captain America is the first to get a thumbs down and everyone collectively goes "oh so we're fucked right?" Then when the Eternals wake up some old war machines one reads the whole internet and becomes the secret admirer of a single human writer.

As I said X-Men is exhausting, but it was worth it to get all the jokes in X-Men '92 House of XCII which retells the last few years of X-Men comics as if they were adapted to the 90s cartoon.

A much clearer X-Men comic was Giant-Size X-Men: Thunderbird. He was the first X-Man to die for the cause and now that mutants can be resurrected he's back and not sure he wants to be a part of it anymore. It's co-written by trans native-american pro wrestler Nyla Rose and I was expecting very little but it's great.

Guess this is my last one. I have been shocked by how good the Punisher: King of Killers series is. Writer Jason Aaron and artists Jeus Saiz & Paul Azaceta bounce between two art styles & times. The present where Frank Castle is worshipped as history's greatest killer by ninja assassin cult, The Hand, and the past where we discover he first killed at age 10 and how his family dying was never what made him the Punisher. It's also an allegory about how The Punisher isn't cool and you shouldn't like him and anyone who would use his skull logo unironically is dumb.

Sorry TMNT Armageddon Game, One-Star Squadron, Superman The Warworld Saga, X-Terminators, My Bad, Billionaire Island: Cult of Dogs, World's Finest, and everyone else from this year but I've run out of time and space. Look forward to Spider-Man/X-Men Dark Web on next year's list alongside both of Ryan North's new comics Secret Invasion and Fantastic Four.

#comics #comic books #spider-man #x-men #punisher #batman #poison ivy #harley quinn #black cat #I hate this place

[bogappreciation]

i rewatched the episode of doctor who where i got my pfp from and the rest of season 1 (mostly) and oh my god. oh my god they did her so dirty. readmore so people don’t have to listen to my EXTREMELY LONG rant about why I hate the new era because if you enjoy it please don’t let me stop you lmao

prefacing this with “I hope season 2 is better” but

I can’t believe the first female doctor has to deal with shitty chris chibnall writing including the most ooc, centrist takes and a middle aged white man taking all the good moments. why did they pick an ensemble cast if they don’t know how to write an ensemble cast.

doctor who has done it just fine before!! I mean, the end of season 1 had that lovely run of episodes with a triad two companions + one very good episode with 3 (boomtown!), and much of 11′s run had 2 companions, and they added River Song to the mix and pulled it off (I mean, debatably, but none of the characters were shafted), and hell even 12 and Bill and Nardole with bonus Missy was 3 companions done well. Or in 10′s run, the eps where all the companions met up. Or the episode with Rose & Sarah Jane & K-9, if you count K-9 as a companion.

But no they had to do it poorly for Jodie Whittaker. I’m sorry but after watching season 1, I couldn’t tell you what Ryan’s personality is besides “I’m only disabled when the writers remember me but I don’t let that stop me” and “I’m bad with kids.” Or what Yaz’s personality is besides “caring and not like other cops.” I don’t need to ask that question for Graham, because it feels more like his show than the Doctor’s.

It feels like all the focus is on Graham’s plotline, and on the monster of the week. I don’t care about Graham. And I don’t care about the monster of the week. I care about the Doctor, and interpersonal relationships between companions + the Doctor. I’m getting none of that. No little moments between the Doctor and anybody. I really, really want to like the companions- I’ve liked every other companion, to varying degrees- but I just don’t know 13′s companions.

And I could go into detail about why the Doctor is out of character.

And I will! I will go into detail!

Why did they make her centrist! Kerblam fucking sucked! So much for “Sleep no more” and “Oxygen” and all the other subtle and not-so-subtle critiques of capitalism. No, space Amazon is great and the systems aren’t an issue! Capitalism wins yet again!

Also, the episode Rosa was like, critically acclaimed, but it gives no agency to the character it’s about. They hold her damn hand like she’s a butterfly they can’t step on when time has rarely been that fragile. Shakespeare and Dickens were fine learning about all manner of extraterrestrial things, but Rosa Parks can’t know a racist from the future came to stop progress?

Can we talk about the Doctor going from punching a racist out of rage to barely reacting when people are racist as hell to two of her companions. And why the hell did she not just zap the future-racist into the future? I cannot see the Doctor in previous seasons just letting him do things??

And I’m sorry, I get that the Doctor is a pacifist, but seeing a giant spider suffocating to death and not wanting it to be mercy killed? After 11 almost lobotomizing a star whale, after 12 giving Clara the choice to kill the moon baby or Bill the choice to kill the thing in the thames? No.

It’s like Chibnall read the “rules” of the Doctor (no guns, etc.) and didn’t think about the reasons behind them. She doesn’t like guns because she’s a soldier with fucking PTSD you dingus, and she doesn’t want to become cruel or cowardly. Letting something die slowly is fucking cruel.

Outside of my hatred for their misunderstanding of her pacifism. Oh my god, sorry, but the gang’s reasoning for wanting to join up- Graham was like “I’m running from my grief” and she didn’t even question it. Why would she not give ANY pushback?? She knows grief, she knows how bad it is to bottle it up and not feel it. Why would she enable his unhealthy coping mechanisms when she’s clearly capable of recognizing them as unhealthy?

With Yaz & Ryan and Graham, I feel like each of their personal lives just gets a one-off episode instead of being continually references. Demons of the Punjab for Yaz, Resolution for Ryan. Every episode for Graham actually, he’s the only one in the whole series who gets the consideration of being a real character. I’m mad at him because of that.

My god I hope Doctor Who feels like Doctor Who again when RTD comes back

#doctor who #i did miss writing things in the tags #it's a good system. it's underrated #i left tumblr but where else am i going to post fandom rants #i want to eat chris chibnall. in fact i am going to.

[ifmywishescametrue]

and bc i have no self control. #41 kisses to shut them up for rhodeytony

So this one spiraled so quickly, because I also have no self control! And now it’s a 3.4k words of 5+1 for Rhodey and Tony’s first kisses together. Hope you like it :)

The first time is something of a joke. Tony is doing that rambling thing like always, hands moving around rapidly and coming dangerously close to smacking passersby in the face. He gets more than a few dirty looks for it, but he doesn’t seem to be noticing. Rhodey isn’t even sure what he’s ranting about anymore. Maybe one of his professors, or that annoying guy in his physics class. All he does know is that he wants to get to the cafeteria before they run out of pizza and Tony walks slow when he’s talking. So Rhodey grabs him by the wrist when his hand flies in front of him again, spinning him around and planting his lips firmly against Tony’s for just a moment. It does the job of stunning him into silence, but it also makes him freeze completely on the sidewalk. Rhodey keeps walking, and Tony has to run to catch back up. 

“What was that for?” Tony asks, eyes wide. 

Rhodey shrugs, “Had to shut you up somehow.”

Tony makes an offended squawking sound, hitting Rhodey with the too long sleeve of his sweatshirt. Rhodey’s sweatshirt, technically. 

“That’s rude,” Tony says. “You’re getting me ice cream to make it up to me.”

Rhodey laughs, slinging his arm over Tony’s shoulders to pull him along. “Whatever you want, Tones.”

______________

If the first was a joke, the second is just the repeat performance. Between Rhodey’s basic training and Tony’s recent and sudden rise to CEO, it’s been almost three months since the last time they’ve seen each other. Basic has him questioning everything and feeling like a bit of failure. He should have been able to handle it better. The homesickness, the pressure, the constant grind of work. It’s been the dream for so long that he doesn’t know what to do with the feeling he has now. 

“Maybe I should quit.”

Tony snorts inelegantly, “Pretty sure that’s called deserting and it’s a crime.”

“So I’ll go on the run,” Rhodey argues, like it’s a perfectly reasonable response. “I’ll move to Tahiti or Fiji or one of those other islands. Wait, you have a private island, right? I could go there, and if anyone comes for me, I’ll just take a rowboat out to sea, and they won’t have any jurisdiction on the water to arrest me. I’m pretty sure that’s a thing. Right? It’s -”

Tony’s lips are a little sticky from the beer he’s been drinking, and his hands are warm where they cup Rhodey’s cheeks. He doesn’t understand what’s happening or why, and at first he can’t think enough to react. When he can think again he can’t decide whether to push him off or kiss him back, and he still hasn’t reached a conclusion when Tony pulls away. He doesn’t know if it lasted two seconds or two minutes, and it’s confusing to realize that he isn’t sure which he would prefer. 

“Wow, that is effective,” Tony grins. “Thought maybe it was just me it works on, but I should try that on board members sometime if it’s that good.”

Rhodey gapes at him when he connects the pieces. “Seriously, Tony? That happened two years ago, and I’m in the middle of a crisis right now.”

"No, you were spiralling and now you’re not," Tony says simply. "Situation resolved by not talking about it."

"That's not how that works."

"Of course it is. How do you think most fires get put out? By putting a lid on them until they die."

"Alright, ignoring that that's not even true, what the hell does it even mean?" 

"It's very true, and what it means is that I have put a lid on this irrational fire, so it doesn't have the chance to spread and ignite the rest of your life. Containment, honeybear. It's about containment."

"That's a terrible analogy," Rhodey says, and Tony tosses his hands in the air. 

"What do you want from me on the spot?" 

They spend most of the night trying to come up with something better, laughing and drinking the rest of the beer in Tony's fridge, until Rhodey forgets that he was ever stressed in the first place.

______________

Their third kiss is an accident. It happens somewhere in between Rhodey deciding that he hates Tony's new boyfriend and him realizing exactly why that is. 

He comes back from six months overseas, and it's a few days ahead of what he was expecting. He told Tony Thursday, but his plane touches down in California on Tuesday morning, and he gives the taxi driver Tony's address without a second thought. Tony likes surprises, and he has no reason to think this might be a bad one. 

He uses his key to let himself in, fully knowing that Tony won't be awake yet to answer the door. The first traces of sun are just starting to filter in through the windows, and Rhodey sets his duffle bag down near the door before moving into the kitchen. Tony's refrigerator is nearly barren, but there are a few eggs and a green pepper that would be rotten by tomorrow that he can make due with. He finds an onion, too, and falls into a rhythm while dicing vegetables. 

It's this kind of thing that he misses when he's away. He misses having a kitchen and making what he wants in it, even if this isn't his kitchen or his first choice of food. But he misses the simplicity of it all. Life on the base seems alternate between too fast and too slow, but this is all his own pace. 

He hears footsteps on the stairs a little after the eggs hit the pan, and he glances over his shoulder to watch Tony shuffle into the room while rubbing his tired eyes. If he had stayed turned around a little longer, their third kiss wouldn't have happened at all. By the time Tony opens his eyes, Rhodey's back is to him again. 

Instead of instantly reacting, Tony slowly wanders over and puts his hand on Rhodey's shoulder. The words are mumbled when he says, "You're up way too early," and Rhodey doesn't have time to process how strange the sentence is, because he's being kissed the second his head turns. Not the shut up kind of kiss or even that sort of friendly peck he's seen people do sometimes. It's the kind where Tony's tongue is slipping between his lips, and his hand is wandering lower. The kind that friends don't share, but lovers definitely do. 

Rhodey falls into it without question. 

The spatula clatters to the floor from his hand, and Tony laughs into the kiss before pulling back. There's a grin and a joke on his lips that's quickly replaced by dawning horror. 

"Rhodey?" Tony squeaks out. His hand flies up to cover his mouth, and through it Rhodey hears, "Oh, shit." He looks down at the complete lack of space between their bodies, dropping the hand to raise them both in front of himself like a defense as he backs away a couple of steps. "Fuck, I'm so fucking sorry. I thought - you weren't supposed to be here yet. Thursday. That's - you said Thursday. Didn't you?" 

It's like ice water with how quickly the warmth of that kiss leaves his body. 

Rhodey raises an eyebrow and plays at unaffected. "I did, yeah. Seems like you should attack an intruder instead of kissing them, though." 

Tony's cheeks turn a vibrant shade of red, and he runs a still shaky hand through his hair.

"I thought you were someone else," he sheepishly admits. "It's just that from behind you, um, well you look a lot like Ryan, and he wasn't in bed still when I got up, so I came down here, and, uh, I guess you know the rest of that story." 

Ryan, Rhodey's mind bitterly repeats. The guy Tony's spent the last three months talking about on the phone and in his letters. It's always about him in some way.  He told me the funniest story yesterday, Rhodey or Isn't he so romantic, platypus? But Tony seems happy, so he fakes a laugh at a story that definitely isn't funny retold and agrees that string quartets are romantic instead of horribly cliché. He helps him plan dates when it's Tony's turn, because apparently that's yet another adorable thing they do together. 

He just barely suppresses the sigh before saying, "Don't worry about it, Tones. It's all good."

Tony looks relieved, and after an awkward minute or two they fall back into their normal conversation like it never happened. They talk about the missions Rhodey has flown for and the designs Tony has been working on between bites of burned eggs and coffee. 

Neither of them ever mention that Rhodey kissed him back. 

______________

Tony and Rhodey are both drunk for the fourth. The music is loud at the club, and the air is a smoky haze. It's someone's birthday, he thinks, but he can't really remember anymore by the fifth shot of tequila. 

He leans back against the bar on his elbows, watching in drunken amusement while Tony tries to put the moves on someone to hold up his end of the bet. The guy looks like he isn’t quite sure what’s happening, and Rhodey laughs into the rim of his glass. All he needs is one kiss, and Rhodey will be out the contents of his wallet. He isn't even sure what those contents are, and Tony wouldn't let him check before the handshake. It could be anywhere from a nickel to fifty bucks, he figures, which is worth it to watch this complete trainwreck. 

It takes another ten minutes of flirting before Tony finally gives up and comes back over to the bar. 

“Loser,” Rhodey teases. “What happened to having ‘game so good a straight man would fall to his knees?’”

Tony flips him off and steals the glass from his hand. “He has a girlfriend, which is the only reason it didn’t happen.”

“He didn’t even realize that you were flirting with him, did he?” Rhodey laughs, and Tony pouts pitifully. 

“The no touching rule wasn’t fair.”

“A good bet doesn’t involve actual harassment,” Rhodey reasons, just like he did earlier in the night. “If you can’t get them to kiss you by flirting with just words, they wouldn’t want you touching them in the first place. It’s called consent.”

Tony rolls his eyes, “I do not need to be taught about consent. I am the king of consent. Enthusiastic, resounding consent, even.” He pauses, and there’s a dangerous look in his eyes when he narrows them at Rhodey. “Okay, I know that this about to go against everything I just said, but it’s you, and we don’t have rules, right?”

“What?”

“Just say yes.”

“Yes to what?”

Tony leans in with enough time that if Rhodey really wanted to, he could pull away. He could put his hand over Tony’s mouth or step to the side or simply tell him no and Tony wouldn’t do it. 

But he doesn’t do any of those things. 

He lets Tony cup the back of his neck to tilt his head to the right angle, and he threads his hand into Tony’s hair in return. His lips taste like the vodka and cranberry juice from the stolen glass, until Rhodey has kissed him so thoroughly that he can’t taste it anymore. 

“There,” Tony says, grinning proudly like he’s just done something exceptionally smart. His breath is coming quickly, and Rhodey’s head is spinning with the thought that he’s the one that did that to him. “I got a straight man to kiss me. Pay up.”

Rhodey laughs, full-bodied with his head tilted back. “No, man. You definitely didn’t.”

Tony’s still a little too drunk to fully understand what he means by that, and he takes it as if Rhodey’s saying that he stole the kiss, rather than earned it. He spends most of the night after that trying to get him to kiss him again on his own accord, but Rhodey doesn’t want another one like that. He wants Tony’s soft-eyed gaze on him, and his body held tight in his arms. He wants to hear him say the same words he’s saying right now, but to have him actually mean it when he says the word please. Like he won’t be able to live for another second without Rhodey’s lips on his. 

He doesn’t want the joke anymore, but he knows he won’t ever get to have the real thing. 

______________

Rhodey is half asleep for kiss number five, and he isn’t even quite sure that it actually happens. He’s lying in a hospital bed somewhere in Germany, he thinks, and machines are beeping all around him. He can’t really remember what brought him here as he drifts in and out. There was some kind of fight - that much is obvious. He sees flashes of bullets in the sky, flames, and a rapidly plummeting altitude reading. Was it a mission gone wrong? An attack they weren’t expecting? One of the machines ticks a little faster when he tries to clear his head enough to think about it, and then darkness takes over again. 

When he partially wakes the next time, there’s something warm and solid in his hand. It shifts a little, brushing lightly in circles over his skin, and it takes him a longer amount of time than it should to realize that it’s another hand. But when he does, he knows without a doubt who it belongs to, and the thought sends him back into sleep with a warm feeling in his chest. 

He finds out later that he was unconscious for three days, and Tony hardly leaves his side for a minute of it. Rhodey doesn’t want to say how that makes him feel, so he falls back on what he does know how to say. 

“You should really at least go back to the hotel to take a shower. You’re starting to smell, man,” he says after the doctor leaves the room. 

Tony gives him a weak laugh, running his hand through his hair and grimacing at the oily texture. "Maybe in a little bit. You just woke up."

Rhodey shifts against the pillows, tilting his head to get a good look at him. His clothes might be the same ones he showed up here in, all wrinkled with a coffee stain on one of his sleeves. The circles under his eyes are darker than he's ever quite seen them before, and he looks too pale. 

Tony isn't supposed to look like that. 

He's supposed to be sunlight embodied, all tanned skin and bright eyes and fluid motion. But this Tony is slumped over in his chair, small and fragile looking like the wrong word could destroy him completely. This Tony offers him a brave face and a delicate smile that doesn't reach his eyes, and Rhodey can't stand it. Can't stand that it's his own fault he looks like that. 

Stretching his arm out, he turns over his hand to open his palm. The movement tugs at his injured shoulder, but he grits his teeth to hide the pain and it's worth it to have Tony's hand back in his where it belongs. He squeezes gently, and Tony squeezes back. 

"You almost died," Tony whispers. "You're not allowed to die."

"I won't do it again," Rhodey says, even though they both know he can't make that promise. 

Tony nods, and for now that can be enough. He switches the topic to something else so they don't have to talk about it anymore. So Tony doesn't have to say what the last three days felt like, and Rhodey doesn't have to admit that his last thought before the plane went down was regret that he'd never get to have this again. 

Tony makes him laugh until his battered ribs are aching with it, until they've talked about everything and nothing and sleep is pulling at Rhodey again. It's hard to keep his eyes open, and he fights it until he can't any longer. 

A hand runs over his hair, and down the side of his face to linger on his cheek. Rhodey leans into the touch with closed eyes as Tony murmurs, "I'll come back tomorrow. Don't you dare do anything stupid like dying while I'm gone."

He feels the warmth of Tony's breath on his skin the moment before Tony kisses him. It's a barely there, wisp of a thing, right on the corner of his mouth. There one instant, then gone the next. It's the last thing he feels before slipping into sleep again. 

______________

“I’m so old,” Tony groans, flopping down on the beach chair next to Rhodey’s. “Ancient. Decrepit. On death’s door.”

“You’re thirty,” Rhodey says, and he laughs at the pout on Tony’s face. “I’m a year older than you. What does that make me then?”

“A senior citizen, just like me.”

Rhodey lifts his beer from where the bottle was balancing in the sand and clinks it with the bottle in Tony’s hand. “Welcome to the club then. We’re happy to have you.”

Tony kicks off his shoes and tucks his feet under his thighs as he settles back in the chair. It’s quiet out here on the beach, away from the crowds and noise from the party. The crashing of the waves and the distant thrum of music are the only sounds, and they watch the water in the still of the night for a while. 

“Don’t you want to get back to the party?” Rhodey asks softly, unwilling to break their bubble of peace. “It’s for you.”

Tony shakes his head. “I like it better out here.”

“Want me to kick everyone out for you?”

Tony looks over his shoulder at the house, filled to the brim and lights flashing from every window. He leans over the inch between their chairs and rests his head on Rhodey’s shoulder. “No, they can have their fun in there, and I can have mine here.”

Rhodey cards his hand through Tony’s hair, feeling warm despite the cool breeze. “This is fun for you, huh? Sitting in silence?”

“It’s always good with you,” Tony murmurs, so quiet that Rhodey almost loses it to the ocean. He’ll always be thankful that he didn’t. 

He lets his hand go lower, slipping from his hair to run his thumb along Tony’s jaw, and it would be so easy, he thinks, to kiss him right now. To tilt Tony’s chin up and turn his head to the side just a little. To brush their lips together, slowly at first, then steadily growing more desperate as he gives in to everything he’s wanted for so long. He thinks of the way Tony would sound, if he would sigh or moan or whimper under his mouth. Tony would be sticky sweet from the buttercream on the cupcakes from earlier, and Rhodey would taste sugar on his tongue. 

“Rhodey,” Tony whispers, looking up at him. The moon is reflected in the deep brown of his eyes, and Rhodey wants to keep this image of him in him in his mind forever. “Can I tell you what I wished for?”

“Won’t come true if you do,” Rhodey whispers back. 

“I think it’s the only way it might,” Tony answers, and he seems even closer than he was before. 

“What did you wish for?”

Tony’s cheeks are flushed, and Rhodey thinks for a moment that he’s going to lose his nerve to say whatever it is. He’s ready for the joke instead, but it never comes. 

“For you to kiss me,” Tony says with an unsteady breath. “For it to mean something when you do.”

Rhodey slides his hand a little higher, and he strokes across Tony’s cheekbone. He doesn’t miss the way that Tony’s eyes flicker down to his lips. “And what do you want it to mean?”

“Everything.”

“Everything,” Rhodey repeats, and Tony smiles, soft and unsure. “I think I can manage that.”

______________

Years later, Tony still likes to tease Rhodey about their first kiss, except now it's become their thing. The interrupted sentences sometimes get finished after and sometimes don't because kissing Tony is more important than whatever it was that he had to say in the first place. 

He loses count of what number they’re on. One thousand or one million, it could never be enough. They have all kinds of kisses now. Early morning, sleep-hazed kisses, and quick, little pecks on the way out the door. Good night kisses that turn passionate and desperate as often as they stay innocent and sweet. Reluctant ones when Tony is mad at him for something silly, lingering ones in apology. 

Each one still means everything.

#rhodeytony #ironhusbands #my writing #my fic #prompt fill #warmachinesocks

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play. 

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does). 

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

#anon #answered #hockey info #wow this took legit like several hours to write between stints of taking care of the baby #ok to rb lmao

[mohitoma]

Taskmaster Ratings

My rating of Taskmaster contestants.

It's based on how much fun I had while watching them and in general how much I came to like them.

1 - I did not like them, either too mean or too fake nice, overly competitive, brings tension, boring performance, not memorable.

2 - not fond of them, not the worst but still not great, something wrong in their behaviour (aka something was icky to me but i can't say what exactly).

3 - they were fine, not much of an opinion, they had their lows and ups, equal performance but I liked them or they didn't bother me.

4 - they're great!, Chaotic hopefully

5 - i would die for them

SERIES 1:

Frank Skinner (3/5) - I really liked him. He was hilarious and consistent in his performance. A good contrast to the rest of the cast.

Josh Widdicombe (3/5) - I really enjoyed his performance but he's not a type of a person I would get along with.

Roisin Conaty (4/5) - chaotic queen, loveable dumbass, I did not enjoy her performance as much as the rest of the cast but I just love her.

Romesh Ranganathan (5/5) - angry man got my heart. He is so fucking funny, I love this type of a person in comedy. And watermelon? Eggs? Iconic.

Tim Key (4/5) - the cheating man in the cast but also so funny. Also the jumpsuit.

Overall score of the series: 4/5

SERIES 2:

Doc Brown (5/5) - Oh man, I love this man. I don’t have much to add. The rap was iconic.

Joe Wilkinson (5/5) - I know him from the countdown. Depressed, pessimistic man.... I’d probably hate to be around him daily but who knows. Maybe we would get along.

Jon Richardson (5/5) - Short king alert. Absolute gem. It was nice to see this side of him cause I mostly see him on countdown.

Katherine Ryan (4/5) - another queen. Strong, independent and she won! 

Richard Osman (4/5) - tall man. and by that I mean very tall man. Also very smart when doing tasks.

Overall score of the series: 5/5

SERIES 3:

Al Murray (4/5) - PISS. But in all seriousness, extremely hilarious. And the gong!

Dave Gorman (3/5) -  I don’t remember him from the show at all, if you say his name I would not know who he is. He had his moments tho.

Paul Chowdhry (4/5) - one point is deducted cause of the fat joke that I enjoyed which is... ironic. Like I felt bad for laughing but it took me by surprise. He was so passive and serious. BASTARD CRYING INNIT.

Rob Beckett (3/5) - now don’t get me wrong, I fucking loved his performance but there is something I don’t like about him. He seems mean and there are moments when I could see I was right.

Sara Pascoe (3/5) - forgettable. But she was nice.

Overall score of the series: 4/5

SERIES 4:

Hugh Dennis (5/5) - dad of the cast. He is so smart in those tasks. I’d love to hang out with him.

Joe Lycett (5/5) - pansexual icon. Chaotic, funny, smart, legendary.

Lolly Adefope (3/5) - I don’t have much of an opinion here. She was nice and fun to watch.

Mel Giedroyc (5/5) - crazy aunt of the cast. I love Mel. 

Noel Fielding (5/5) - CROW MAN. Who doesn’t love Noel? 

Overall score of the series: 5/5

More to come!

#taskmaster #britcom #british comedy #greg davies #alex horne #noel fielding #mel giedroyc #lolly adefope #joe lycett #hugh dennis #sara pascoe #rob beckett #paul chowdhry #dave gorman #al murray #richard osman #katherine ryan #jon richardson #joe wilkinson #doc brown #tim key #romesh ranganathan #frank skinner #josh widdicombe #roisin conaty

[anunvalidcritic]

Justice League: Snyder Cut

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

Oh, the time has come my friends! Now, I originally did a review on Batman V.S. Superman and I didn’t care for it, so I deleted it. But before I start, I would like y’all to read this statement made by @verified-villain-fxcker - You can click HERE to read it. As I stated in my repost, I couldn’t have said it better. May Autumn Snyder continue to rest in peace. Let’s get started!

It’s been so long since I’ve made a post I can’t even remember how I do this LOL.

CLARK is outta there to say the least...

WONDER WOMAN and LOIS look flabbergasted, as they should... BRUCE as well.

Talk about a shock-wave scream 

All jokes aside, the hate that LEX has towards SUPERMAN is just to much energy to be giving to another person..

THESE BITCHIES ARE READY

why are they letting a minority approach the fucking the cube?!?!

*insert travel montage scene here*

                      Part 1 - “Don’t count on it, Batman.”

BRUCE knows damn well he’s talking to AQUAMAN. Let’s move this shit along lol

“Oh Gotham? How’s that shit hole?” - AQUAMAN

Ik these bitchies aren’t singing rofl

I’d sniff anything wore by Jason Momoa too.

“Maybe a man who broods in a cave isn’t cut out to be a recruiter.” - ALFRED

TALK YO SHIT ALFRED!!!!

AMY ADAMS can literally take my heart, step on it, throw it in a river and I still wouldn’t be mad. 

Here comes the lovely WONDER WOMAN!

broooo her hands were moving like Donnie Yen in Ip Man!

Fucked that entire ceiling up

Ofc the one who tried to touch it would make the stupid statement. 

STEPPENWOLF is really wildin’ out

Don’t look back! I hate it when they look back!!

These are some strong as women!

                             PART 2 - “The Age of Heroes”

“It’s toxic, that’s good.” - STEPPENWOLF

I can only imagine that this is how toxic people think. 

this dude really just threw that lil demon fella like it was nothin’ lmao

You know you're working at a job for too long when you say this is the first time in a while that they're going home early smdh

Now that shit was pretty lit....

SILAS thinkin’ shit I better check on my son. 

“You know a lot about monsters, don’t you? Especially how to make them.” - CYBORG

If that isn’t teen angst, then I don’t know wtf is lmao

Seeing Gal in this tomb makes me want to re-watch Wonder Woman 1 all over again!

DARKSEID ol’ trifflin’ ass

plopped him down like he was dirty laundry

God bless Willem Dafoe, this man is a fuckin’ legend!

“This world is divided. They’re a primitive species. Unevolved and at war with one another. Too separate to be one.” - STEPPENWOLF

DeSaad kinda looks like Doctor Doom in the Fantasic Four reboot lmao

GREEN LATERNS!!!!!!!!!!!! OH SHIT!!!!!!!!

we really need a Green Lantern Corps moving...

ZEUS + ARES = A Dynamic Duo When They Aren’t Being Dicks To Each Other

You know I feel bad for man because all they did was bury that shit in the ground rofl

                  Part 3 - “Beloved Mother, Beloved Son”

BARRY + IRIS = Love at First Sight 

The burger can’t be that good like damn. 

Bro the detail on his fucking shoes and the glass!!

ROFL PLEASE TELL ME HE TOOK THE HOTDOG FOR HIS DOG!?!? 

damn did the car really need to explode...

lol BARRY must really need the job lol

... I would’ve just played dead after he threw me against that rock...

Man of Steel probably has one of the best soundtracks not just for a superhero movie but just in general

Americans love their football!

I have this love-hate relationship with CYBORG being in the JL and not with the TITANS you know since he’s a kid, but he’s a college student in this one. 

Thank God DIANA spoke with VICTOR instead of BRUCE because I honestly don’t think he would’ve gotten him on board.

Everyone can literally zigzag zoom across this planet at undeniable speed except for BATMAN lol

Come on, VIC, help the lady out.

You know honestly, BARRY has a pretty cool pad for someone who's trying to get by paying for a Criminal Justice Degree. 

“A very attractive Jewish boy. Who drinks milk, I don’t drink milk.” - BARRY

“Fuck the World.” - CYBORG

dang Ik DIANA has every right to grieve over STEVE, but damn that man has her whipped!

“You’re looking at the hottest thing on Earth. The exact same thing I said to my prom date. She dumped me anyway.” - RYAN CHOI

Why does MERA have an accent in this but not in AQUAMAN?? (ik the answer)

DAAAYYUUUMMMN MERA TURNED INTO A WHOLE BLOOD BENDER!

                               PART 4 - “Change Machine”

CYBORG just glided over silently

STEPPENWOLF + WONDER WOMAN = EPIC FIGHT SCENE

Seeing BARRY move like that to stop the debris and to ping DIANA’S sword really is amazing..

But he should not be screaming like that LOL

How do you not remember the planet that’s habitants almost killed you?? Because if that was me, I wouldn’t have forgotten that shit at all!

 Would've held a big ass grudge until I could go back. 

“I know we’re all thinking the same thing right now. Who’s gonna say it? I’m not gonna say it.” - BARRY

WOOOAAHHH J’ONN JONES?! (forgot about that)

 “There are six, not five. There is no us without him.” - BRUCE

Damn, no faith at all 

                         PART 5 - “ALL The King’s Horses”

ICONIC DIALOGUE

BARRY - “Wonder Woman. What do you think, man? You think she’d go for a younger guy?”

VICTOR - “She’s 5,000 years old, Barry. Every guy is a younger guy.”

I would’ve kept swippin’ that ID like a cashier at Wal-Mart swippin’ a debit card.

They're movin’ a little too slow for me. Ik they’ve never been on the ship before, but I would’ve been zoomin’ through that entire ship just to hurry and get the job done. 

NOT THE PREGNANCY TEST

Damn, they couldn’t have at least picked up the photo??

The foreshadowing was spectacular! It will always amaze me. 

I’m sure Allstate will cover that person’s car...

Just when LOIS was about to move on. 

CLARK grabbed DIANA like miss me with that Rafiki shit.

I would’ve come back to my senses too after looking at Amy Adams. 

AQUAMAN + THE FLASH = A CONUNDRUM

DR. SILAS takin’ one for the team

                              PART 6 - “Something Darker”

As crazy as radiation is, it’s quite an amazing spectacle.

I wish this Justice League movie could’ve held off until we got some other heroes such as the Green Lanterns, Hawkgirl, and many others. 

Our generation was truly blessed to have an incredible actor as SUPERMAN, and we are not putting him to use!

JONATHAN sounds like President Biden lol

Alright, team?! Break!

AQUAMAN is totally enjoying this fight. He rode that Parademon like a surfboard.

AQUAMAN + CYBORG + FLASH = *THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN*

I swear every scene that WONDER WOMAN enters into does not fail to include the “Ancient Lamentation Music”. 

VICTOR hurry up and say “one” god damnnit!!

SUPERMAN COLD!!!!

Somebody needs to put this fight on WorldStar

BARRY = HE’S A RUNNA HE’S A TRACK STAHHHHARRR!!!

THAT WAS FUCKING IMMACULATE

The Unity  = The Three Bitchies

I bet DARKSEID will remember that shit now

                        EPILOGUE - “A Father Twice Over”

VICTOR = A Final Requiem

LOL VULKO and MERA look stressed tf out!

“Uh, I have too much to live for. And more important things to do.” - LEX

A cocky motherfucker LMAO

Alright, we’re back in this type of dream sequence. 

“Who have you ever loved?” - MERA

Uh, bitch his parents, Robin tf?!

Thank you, JOKER, for stating the facts for Ms. Fish-stick

 Oh shit, they let LOIS die, goddamn it!

HARLEY’S DEAD TOO?!?!?!

BRUCE LOOK SICK AF!!!

Well, the dream is over once again...

I just don’t see how people can live with all those fuckin’ windows. 

“Oh, and some have called me The Martian Manhunter.” - J’ONN

Alright...

________

Yes, the movie was long but what needed to be expressed was. As we already the Snyder Cut wasn’t supposed to be seen because a father simply wanted to grieve the death of his child. I’ll once again reiterate what @verified-villain-fxcker you don't have to like the film but at least give it the benefit of the doubt from its predecessor. For me, I did enjoy watching his version, but let’s be honest what he who shall not be named did was just fucked up. 

#RIP Autumn Snyder #Justice League snyder cut #zack snyder #cyborg #the flash #batman #aquaman #superman #Wonder Woman #hbo max #lois lane #amy adams #ray fisher #ezra miller #ben affleck #jason momoa #henry cavill #gal gadot #dcu #dc comics #jk simmons #Alfred Pennyworth #jeremy irons #lex luther #jesse eisenberg #jared leto #the joker #dc

[keepitmovinshawty]

Ok watching the Snyder Cut again but this time with notes!

Kids today will never know the struggle of buying a movie only to realize that it’s the full screen version instead of the widescreen version.

The opening sequence actually made me tear up a little.

Superman’s cry of anguish is more powerful than Zeus.

Amber Heard. Gross.

I like how the Atlanteans and Amazons have their Mother Boxes in secure locations but “man” has theirs tossed in the back of a closet. Sounds about right.

Because of course Bruce Wayne knows Icelandic too.

So Arthur takes off his shirt to swim but leaves his jeans on. God the chafing...

Alfred dragging Bruce is always hilarious.

Ok this bank scene with Diana was in the 2017 version but it’s a lot more violent in this one. And I guess the desaturation of the scene also makes it seem less like a cartoon. There’s actual tension in this. Editing matters.

“Boring.” Diana said cut to the damn chase. She doesn’t have all day.

Diana really makes use of her greaves.

Not Diana vaporizing this dude.

I want a whole movie of just the Amazons.

I actually like how they did the live action Boom Tube.

The Amazons are beasts with their lassos.

I love Hippolyta.

Part 2! I like how this was split into parts.

No one ever says Superman’s name. It’s always “him.”

Diana always wears white.

This whole scene where Diana goes to Athens is left out.

I think this conversation between Arthur and Vulko is too.

I forgot this movie is canonically before Aquaman.

Steppenwolf is an actual character in this one.

Isn’t this the second time Diana has broken into Bruce’s place?

Ooooh a Green Lantern!

Professor Lupin defeating Darkseid is a highlight.

Forever giggling at how the Amazons and Atlanteans do the most to hide the boxes while Man just buries it in the forest.

I want to meet someone who makes me stop and stare like Barry and Iris did.

There’s always a fruit stand.

Barry giving new meaning to running out of your shoes.

Cyborg’s origin story is easily one of the saddest.

Also, 2017 cut his mother entirely out. I mean, Whedon damn near wrote him out the movie.

I wonder if the Sarah they were talking about is Sarah Charles...

Victor helping the single mother was 🥲

Dr. Manhattan is Barry’s father.

Competitive ice dancing. Very competitive ice dancing.

Batman with a lasso...

Victor is still in his bitter stage.

J. Jonah Jameson and Commissioner Gordon are the same person.

Amber Heard again. Gross.

So the Atlanteans here can’t speak underwater. They only make these trill noises. But they do speak in air pockets.

How unfortunate that Arthur saves Mera just in time.

Steppenwolf wants all the smoke with Diana for some reason.

I love Wonder Woman’s theme.

Aquaman casually late but he holds the water back so it’s all good.

The Anti-Life Equation. That thing that makes earth so special.

Darkseid enters the chat.

Steppenwolf without his armor... Yeesh...

How did Darkseid forget which planet kicked his ass 5000 years ago?

Not Arthur looking incredulous about Victor being able to speak to intelligence. Dude, you talk to fish.

Why do the Nazis find everything?

The little explanation about the Mother Boxes was cool. Also a scene that was cut.

Swanwick being Martian Manhunter this whole time is wild. Also cut from the theatrical version.

You know in other versions of his “death,” Superman isn’t actually dead. His body is just comatose as he heals. But he appears dead to humans because his heart rate slows down so much.

Lol the ship AI is like “this is a monumentally bad idea I strongly advise against it please don’t do this” 🤣🤣🤣

Ironically, Superman returning is the worst part of the movie to me. Not the fact that he’s back just how it’s done. The whole fight sequence to me is ridiculous and a waste of time. Like why has he even forgotten who he is in the first place?

Well in this version there’s no awful “do you bleed” and Lois gets herself to the scene.

Bruh... Victor done watched both parents die now.

Henry Cavill is really pretty. Dude has that old Hollywood gorgeousness.

It’s come to my attention that Bruce and Clark’s mothers have the same name.

Time to go fuck Steppenwolf up!

Black suit Supes flying up into the atmosphere to get some of that sweet, sweet solar radiation.

They finally got that thing to fly only to fuck it up as soon as they get there 😅

Steppenwolf is antagonizing Diana and idk why. What did she do to you, bruh?

Wonder Woman 🤝 Aquaman 🤝 Superman

So this whole part with them essentially losing and Barry having to run back time didn’t happen in 2017 at all. Instead they just had him... save a random family?

Seriously... Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and Supes treated Steppenwolf.

Y’all outchea feeling bad for Steppenwolf but let’s not forget his debt was 150K worlds. DeSaad said he still had 50K left. That means he destroyed 100K worlds already. Fuck him.

Man why they tease Granny Goodness then didn’t have her speak? And if she doesn’t sound like Ed Asner is it even worth it?

Ryan Choi! Aka Atom!

Silas’ voiceover during the ending was so touching 🥲

Words cannot express how much I hate Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. I actually like Lex as a character but I hate him in the DCEU because just ugh. Worst casting ever.

Oh look it’s Slade. Or Deathstroke. Whichever name strikes your fancy.

Just throwing Batman’s real name out there.

Amber Heard again. 😒😒😒😒😒

I actually like Jared Leto here. Tho that laugh needs work.

I know it’s the Knightmare timeline but I still have a hard time believing Clark becomes Darkseid’s lackey because Lois dies. I get the pain and anguish but dude... Lois wouldn’t want that.

This epilogue felt like the ending, a mid-credits scene, and a post-credits scene put together.

Welp that was great! And I’ll probably watch it a 3rd time this weekend with my siblings.

#zack snyder’s justice league #snyder cut #dceu #justice league

[hockeynascarfan91258]

A/N: Please be kind and leave feedback. If you don’t like it keep scrolling and don’t be a troll and send hate anons! Hope you enjoy!

Banner made by me!

Eden had just moved to Pittsburgh and was loving her new job with the Penguins.    Despite being a southern bell and loving her Georgia Dawgs football she loved Hockey too.    She had a fun time dragging Chase to Canes games when they lived in Charlotte.   Much to his dismay she had all feeling Chase loved hockey too.   

It had only been a few months since she started and somehow as much as she tried to she couldn't help but fall for the charming Sidney Crosby.    She knew it was wrong to date a co worker especially the captain of the team but he wouldn't let up.    

Finally after months of him pursuing her and flirting Eden finally caved and let him take her out on a date.    That date ended up leading to a second and then a third.     And now she was getting ready for their fourth date and to make it official they were attending the Penguins Night of Assists which was their charity event they hosted every year.   It was disco themed this year and she was excited.  

She put on a blue dress and straightened her hair.  

She had a bag packed because she was going to stay at Sidney's house afterwards.   She grabbed said bag and headed down the hall just as a knock on her door.    She opened it finding Sid standing there looking as handsome as ever.

"Damn baby." Eden says breathless.

"I could say the same thing about you." Sid says kissing her cheek.

"Does it look okay?   Is it disco enough?" Eden asks.

"Eden baby it's fine.  You look beautiful and I'm so happy you will be on my arm and we can make it official." Sid says.

"Are you sure about this?   I don't want to loose my job." Eden says.

"You aren't going to.   There is no rule that says trainers or staff cannot date the players.   It's fine." Sid replies.

"If you say so." Eden says.

"Trust me there it's not the first and it won't be the last." Sid says.

She shook her head as she grabbed her overnight bag.    She grabbed her purse and made sure she had everything.   Phone, keys, money and extra make up.  

"Okay I think I have everything:" Eden says.

"Well then madam our chariot awaits." Sid says holding out his arm.

Eden loops her arm in his and they head out to the limo waiting for them.    Sid hands her bag to the driver who puts it int the trunk.    Sid opens the door for her and Eden slides on in.    Kris Letang was sitting in there dressed in his outfit.

"Hi Kris, sorry didn't realize that you would be here with us.   But should have known because you two are joined at the hip." Eden says.

"Hi Eden, and if you only knew." Kris says smirking at her.

She laughs shaking her head as Sid climbs in beside her.

"I am so happy that you are coming with me and we are making it official.    But before we do there is something you should know." Sid says.

"Are we telling her now?" Kris asks.

"Telling me what?" Eden asks looking between the two boys.

"Yes she deserves to know the truth and then she can make the decision on what happens next.    I trust her enough that no matter what she choices she will not say anything." Sid replies.

"Okay you guys what is going on?" Eden asks.

"Well you see Eden me and Kris well we are a package deal." Sid says.

"'Meaning?" Eden asks.

"Meaning Sid and I are bisexual.   We are in a relationship and have been since like 2009.    We are looking for our unicorn someone to share our life and our love." Kris says.

"Yes exactly so like I said we are a package deal meaning if you date me you have to date Kris too." Sid says

Eden sat there in shock.   

"Can you handle that?" Kris asks.

"Yes Eden say something please?" Sid begs.

"So I would be dating both of you at the same time.    Wouldn't that make me a whore?" Eden asks.

"No baby girl, it would be a poly relationship between you, me and Kris.   But you are not a whore." Sid says.

"Absolutely not." Kris says.

"And whatever I do with either of you wouldn't be considered cheating on the other?" Eden asks.

"Nope not at all." Both Kris and Sid reply.

"Okay I am willing to give it a try.   Remember I have never done anything like this before so I am new to this." Eden says.

"So are we.   Yes we both hooked up with other girls but never anything long term and we both never wanted to be with the same girl before until you."  Sid replies.

"So you guys hooked up with girls and are together?" Eden asks.

"Yes.   Kris and I have been seeing each other since 2009.   But we have to keep the appearance up that we aren't Bi.   Not that I am ashamed to be with him because I am not but no one can know." Sid says.

"Yeah the NHL wouldn't take it well if their face came out as Bi.   But to answer your question yes we used to hook up with girls.   None of them ever knew about me and Sid until you." Kris says.

"You both are pretty hot and I really really really like Sid so if I have to accept you Kris into this relationship then I will.   However I have a few stipulations." Eden says.

"I would be shocked if you didn't sweetheart." Sid says.

"What are they?" Kris asks.

"One: Sid and I go out like a normal couple and every so often Kris you can go with us we can make it look like we are hanging with our friend, two we all get tested for STI's and HIV regularly." Eden starts.

"We get tested every three months.   Also Kris and I are on a HIV medicine have been for a while because lord knows we both hate wearing condoms." Sid says.

"Well good because I am on birth control." Eden says.

"Good is that all?" Kris asks.

"Yes.   Now I have my apartment will I be staying there or what?" Eden asks.

"Maybe for a bit but then you can slowly move in with us." Sid says.

"You guys live together and that hasn't risen any red flags?" Eden asks.

"Oh no I have a house here but I stay at Sid's a lot so you might as well say I live there." Kris replies.

"Okay.   Then we are all in agreement." Eden says.

"Yes and I am so excited." Sid replies kissing her pulling her into his lap.

"Yeah I am happy too." Kris says chuckling.

"We are here." Eden says noticing they had just pulled up in front of PPG Paints arena.

The limo door opens and Eden climbs off Sid's lap and climbs out.    A few minutes later Sid get's out.      Kris  follows suit and they head inside.     They stop and get a picture together.    They then head into the main area.

"Baby I have a lot to do for the event.   Go have fun." Sid says.

"Okay I will come find you in a bit at whatever table you are at." Eden says.

"I will like that.   Laters baby." Sid says planting a small kiss on her lips.

Eden smiled.    She then goes and finds a chair to sit on.    It was in the Wag section near the bar.   She ordered herself a glass of wine.    He phone buzzed it was Chase.

"Hey what are you up to?" Chase texts.

"At the Night of the Assists with Sid." Eden texts back.

"Oh like a date, date?"  Chase asks.

"Yes Chase like a date, date.   But don't worry okay.   No one will ever take your spot in my life.  You are my ride or die and no one will ever change that." Eden replies.

"I know just be careful please.    I don't trust him." Chase says.

"I know and I will." Eden says.

"Have fun and enjoy your night.   I miss you." Chase says.

"I miss you too.   I have to work the 16th but as soon as I am done I am heading to the airport and flying to Daytona." Eden says.

"Awesome, you can stay at the coach with me, if you want to." Chase says.

"Sounds good to me,  I will text you the flight info and times." Eden says.

"Okay, because I will fly back with you.   Maybe attend a game or two?" Chase asks.

"Would love that.   Then you can meet Kris too." Eden replies.

"Okay.   Well go have fun.   Talk later." Chase says.

"Yes definitely talk later :)." Eden replies.

"Text me when you get home.   I love you." Chase says.

"I will and I love you more Clyde." Eden replies.

She then puts her phone back into her purse.    She sips her wine.     Some of the Wags come over and introduce their selves after seeing her come in on Sidney's arm.    They seemed to be nice and she started to let loose and have fun.

**********************************************

Chase had just gotten home from the shop after spending the day getting the cars ready to roll to Daytona.    He fixed dinner and then texted Eden.    He was so happy she was going to come to Daytona but since he started racing in NASCAR she always came to the big  races.      There was a knock on his door.    He opens it finding his other best friend Ryan Blaney standing there.  Fletch was so happy to see him.

"I think he likes seeing someone other then your ugly face from time to time." Ryan says chuckling.

He got down and was petting Fletch.

"Ha ha fuck off." Chase says flipping him the middle finger.

"Now now now is that anyway for a Georgia Peach to talk?" Ryan asks.

They both then let out laughs like hyenas.

"What's up?" Chase asks.

"Wanted to come hang.   Maybe race the Stimulator and prepare for Daytona." Ryan says as he helps himself to a beer.

"Sounds good." Chase says.

"What has got you so happy?" Ryan asks.

"I was just texting with Eden and she is coming to Daytona and I am so happy.   She is going to stay with me and Fletch  in the coach and then we are going to go visit her in Pittsburgh for a few days." Chase says.

At the sound of her name Fletch looked up ears perked looking for her.  

"That is good.   Will you finely tell her how you feel?" Ryan asks.

"She has a boyfriend Ryan.   Besides we are just friends and have been for 20 years man I don't want to ruin that." Chase says.

"Dude if you don't tell her, how are you gonna know how she feels?   Besides if you don't I don't think you will ever find someone and be happy." Ryan replies.

"I don't know we will see."  Chase says.

"Okay you know I will support you either way.    I adore Eden." Ryan says.

"I know, I think everyone does.   She likes you too.   You are my only racing friend that she actually enjoys talking to and hanging out with when she is around." Chase says.

"I am touched." Ryan says.

Chase rolls his eyes laughing.     They then headed into the room where the stimulators were.    Ryan takes a seat in one and Chase in the other and they start to race.     

Hours later they finished playing and Ryan was a few beers in so he decided to crash at Chase's and not risk driving.   Chase let Fletch out and made sure he had fresh water.    He then headed into his room.    He got changed and climbed into bed.    Fletch hopped up on the bed beside him.    

"Guess what Fletch Eden is coming to see us in Daytona." Chase says scratching his ears.

Fletch wagged his tail and got excited.

"I know boy I am excited too." Chase says.

He looked at his phone.   It was almost midnight and still no text from Eden.   

"Hope you made it home safe and sound from your event.   Text me and let me know.    Love you and see you soon.   :D." Chase texted her.

"Also Fletch says Hi and that he cannot wait to see you either. 

Attachment sent."

Chase put his phone on the charger and set it down.    He had a lot to do tomorrow to get ready to head to Daytona.

Chase and Fletch 

********************* 

It was a little after midnight when the charity event wound down.   Eden had a good time and she even got Sid out on the dance floor much to everyone's surprise.      Sid leads her out to the limo and opens the door.    She climbs in followed by Sid and then Kris.

"Did you have fun?" Sid asks.

"I did.   I had a good time." Eden says.

"That is good.   I am glad." Sid replies.

"Yeah you got Sid out on the dance floor something no one has ever done." Kris says.

"Well I am glad that I did." Eden replies.

"Yeah I had a blast tonight." Sid says.

"Good.   Oh before I forget after the game on the 16th, I am leaving to fly to Daytona." Eden says.

"Oh, what is going on in Daytona?" Kris asks.

"Chase is racing the Daytona 500 and I never miss it." Eden says.

"Okay." Sid says not happy.

"Look if this is going to work you will have to not be jealous of Chase.   He is my best friend and like you and Kris are a package deal, Chase and I are a package deal." Eden says.

"Okay but I don't like it.   He wants to jump your bones and I don't trust him." Sid replies.

"Stop it.   We are friends period.   We have been friends for 20 years." Eden says rolling her eyes.

"I want to meet this Chase guy." Kris says.

"You will because after the race he is coming here to spend a few days with me here." Eden replies.

"Okay." Kris and Sid both say.

They finally arrive at Sid's house and the Limo drops them off.   Sid gets Eden's bag out of the trunk and they all head inside.       It was really late and Sid and Kris would have practice later that next day so they head up to the master bedroom.      Eden pulls her phone out of her purse.   She saw Chase had sent her a text and a picture.

"I am home safely Clyde.   Love you more." Eden replies.

" Also tell Fletch hi for me, give him all the belly rubs and kiss his little nose for me.   Tell him Eden loves him and cannot wait to see him."   Eden replies back to the picture.

She then grabs her charger and plugs her phone in.   She unpacks her bag.   That was when Sid came up behind her kissing her neck.

"I have been dying to get you out of that dress since the moment I laid eyes on you." Sid says.

“I’ve been dying to get you out of those tight ass pants. They don’t hide anything.” Eden says.

“God Eden.” Sid moans as he pulls you closer to him.

What baby?” Eden smiles,

“My darling Eden ,” Sid whispers, kissing her face sweetly.

Sid unzips her dress as she motioned for him to pick her up, legs wrapped around his waist, kissing his lips slowly, hands running through his greyish dark hair. Pulling at it so she could press wet kisses to his neck, his hands gripped onto the underside of her ass as he hoisted her farther up his body, dress falling down to the floor, mouth still attached to his pale skin while he walked her over to the dresser.

Trying her best to pull him on top of her , he knelt between her open legs, peppering kisses to them while she covered her face with bashfulness of the attention she was receiving and the fact she was in nothing but her bra and panties while both Sid and Kris looked on fully clothed

“What’re you shy?” Sid joked while kissing her ankle, her leg in his grip,

“No,” Eden groaned while his hand met her waistband of the lacy underwear she was wearing.

Just I’m practically naked and you too have far to many clothes on.,” Eden moaned out while his fingers danced over her clothed pussy.

Sid chuckled at her statement, however that could quickly change and in a blink of an eye it did. Kris and Sid both stripped in an erotic sexy strip tease.

“You are awfully quiet Kristopher.” Sid says.

“Just enjoying the show.” Kris replies.

Sid nods.

“I love you so much Eden and I’m glad we are official to the world now,” Sid cooed, while pushing down the cups of her bra , exposing her tits to the cool room air, Sid watched as she squirmed at the new sensation of the cold air against her nipples.

“ I love you too Sid and I am glad too,” Eden moaned while using the heel of her foot to push Sid closer to her.

Sid happily obliged in pressing his body against hers. Feeling him hard against her stomach only spurred her on more.

“ Tell me what you want,” Sid spoke quietly in your ear, his scruff prickling the side of her neck, drawing a whimper from her throat.

“Please, Please,” Eden whimpered while bucking her hips towards his cock.

Within a swift motion your legs were placed on Sid’s shoulders, heels pressed to his back while he teased her clit. In seconds her panties were shredded to pieces. Now his head leveled with her swollen pussy, he placed small kisses on her inner thighs, biting slowly on the plush of them. Eden’s back was arched up as she waited for him to give you more, “Sidney , stop teasing me,” Eden pleaded, his fingers rest near her parted mouth, she turned her neck to the left to take his rough fingers into her mouth, hallowing her cheeks as if his fingers were a cock.

“Fuck Eden.” Sid moans.

“Good good.” Kris moans stroking himself watching.

“Loving the view Letang?” Eden asks.

“Fuck yes.” Kris says.

Shifting down her body, Sidney’s mouth became attached to her clit, his tongue moving in circles while he forced her hips down with his strong forearm, his ring and middle finger entered her. Moaning out with zero volume control, Sid chuckled against her pussy, gladly excepting her juices running down his lips.

“Oh my god!” Eden moaned out, “Mouth’s so good Sid ,” Eden whined, fingers lacing in his dark hair while she rocked her hips into his mouth.

“Doing so good baby,” Sid praised as she began to shake with over stimulation.

Even though he had only eaten her out a few times, however, Sid swore he could eat her pussy all day, his large hand gripped onto her ribs, before his fingers began to pinch her nipples.

“Fuck Sid!” Eden moaned while he brought her to another orgasm, his fingers rolling her clit, tongue fucking her entrance.

“ I want your cock, please,” Eden moaned while shutting her legs.

Sid’s head shot up with a grin, his eyes opened wide and mouth dripping with her.

“Do you baby? Will this cock, make you feel so full,” Sid teased, slapping her ass with his large hand, drawing a groan from her.

“Come here babe and get a taste.” Sid says.

Kris comes over and Sid pulls him in for a kiss. Kris sucks away some of the juices still on his tongue.

“Damn tastes so good..” Kris groans.

Eden giggled as Sid picked her up, trying to get her on the bed as quickly as possible.

“Bed now Crosby!” Eden teased.

Sid laughed at her while throwing his head back, “Eager little thing,” he teased back, as he moved.

As soon as he placed her down on the insanely large bed she took to her knees, kneeling in front of Sid. She then took his heavy cock in her hands, while she slowly ran her thumb over his leaking tip.

“Jesus Christ Eden,” Sid hissed.

Eden locked eyes with Kris as held Sids cock in her hands, she then twisted her wrists in the way she knew drove him insane.

“Damn.” Kris moans as he mimicked her movements almost cumming right there.

Eden then darted her tongue out of her mouth, pressing it to Sid’s cock.

Fuck Damn,” Kris groans at the sight.

“You are one lucky bastard Crosby.” Kris adds.

“We are both lucky bastards baby.” Sid says.

Eden laughed as she ran her hands up Sid abs, right before spitting onto his shaft and taking him into her mouth.

They could hear Kris shifting in his spot while a string of curse words left his mouth as Sidney praised Eden.

“Stroke yourself babe,” Sid chuckled.

Kris came closer so Sid and Eden could see him jerk himself off. Eden hands were behind her back as she took Sid down her throat, her throat slightly contracted around his thick cock. He moaned when he felt her choke on him, his moans filled the air.

Gripping tightly on the back of your hair, Sid began to manipulate her mouth on his cock. Edens hands were pressed to his hips to keep herself steady, wet sounds filled the air as she tried her best to take all of him.

Sid pulled back abruptly, making her gasp for air, tipping back her head, “Go help Kris ,” he urged, Eden whined pathetically.

Kris came over to her his cock in her face.

“Hi baby girl,” Kris cooed, his large hand stroking his cock. Pumping it for her.

“Mhmm,” Eden moaned while watching him, bottom lip pressed between her teeth.

“Suck it baby just like you did to Sid,” Kris begs.

Eden spit on his shaft before taking it slowly into her mouth at first. She hollowed out her cheeks as she did. Kris threw his head back in pleasure.

As Eden sucked Kris off she felt Sid playing with her hair, hands pressed to her lower back.

“God baby this mouth is going to make me cum. Are you ready to swallow my load pretty girl?” Kris asks.

Eden nods her need all while reaching for Sid’s cock behind her, she was squirming on her knees from how wet you she was , needy for relief and horny as hell needing to be fucked.

“Fuck,” Kris moaned, picking up the speed of his his thrusts while watching as Sid bent her over, hands gripped tight onto the sheets in front of her, were Kris was kneeling.

Moaning at Kris pulling her hair as she was flushed with his cock.

Sid’s cock bumped her ass, he dropped to his knees to taste her once more, before lining himself up with her entrance.

Eden took Kris all the way down choking as he thrusted.

“Fuck god damn fuck.” Kris calls out as he came straight down her throat.

Eden swallowed every drop and then proceeded to kick him clean. Kris pulls back needed time to recover.

Kris pulls Sid in for a kiss as Sid thrusted into her deeply, his hands squeezing her ass as she dropped herself onto his cock. His hands spread apart her ass as he fucked you.

“Think she can take us both?” Kris asks.

“I think so. Let’s find out.” Sid moans.

Kris didn’t waste no time he thrusted inside her as well. They kissed as they held their cooks together thrusting into her.

With every thrust Eden could feel them get deeper, one of their tips kissing her g spot every time she dropped herself deeper onto them. Sid and Kris moans were wild behind her, the sound of her two boys moaning was near religious, Kris’s deeper moans and Sid’s gasps.

They watched as her tits bounced with each of their thrusts, they watched while they each gripped tighter to her hips.

“Sid, Kris oh my fucking god,” Eden moaned.

Sid gripped a chunk of her hair, pulling her back to meet their thrusts, she didn’t trust herself to keep balance at the rate they were fucking you,

“Sidney ... i’m gonna,” Eden was cut off by a moan coming from the back of her throat.

“M’ sorry can I please cum,” Eden corrected herself.

“Why don’t you ask Kris.” Sid chuckled as they continued pounding into her.

“Kris please” Eden moaned.

Kris was mocking and chuckling at her whining, she could feel that they were both just as close as she was to cumming.

“But you look so good like this,” Kris spoke finally, “Just wanna watch you forever,” he groaned.

“You take Our cocks so good eh?” Sid teased while still not giving her the word, “Stretching out this pretty pussy?” he spoke to himself,.

“Yes,” Eden rasped out, “I love both your cocks,” Eden whined.

Kris pulled her hair back and sucked on her neck, grazing his teeth over her pulse point.

“Cum for us pretty girl,” Sid rasped out.

Eden happily obliged. Sid and Kris groan as they pump her full of their cum. When they could finally move they pull out. Kris goes and grabs stuff to wipe them all off and clean.! He then throws them in then hamper before joining them both in bed.

Post orgasm Eden was laying on Sid’s chest, finger nails running up it. His hand was pressed flat to your face, stroking your cheek with thumb.

“You did so good baby. How do you feel?” Sid asks.

“Sedated.” Eden says.

“How does it feel down there? Kris asks knowing they were both pretty big.

“Sore but I need to become adjusted to your sizes.” Eden says eyes fluttering.

“Yes you do. And you will. Now get some sleep baby girl.” Sid says kissing her head.

“Yes close those pretty eyes and sleep.” Kris says kissing her back.

Eden closed her eyes and was out pretty quickly. It didn’t take Kris and Sid long to follow.

First picture is The story banner, second picture is Eden in her dress, third and fourth are Sid and Kris in their outfits. Fifth and sixth is Chase Elliott and his Dog Fletch.

#pittsburgh penguins #nhl #kris letang #sidney crosby #sidtanger #chase elliott #poly relationship #nhl fanfiction #auto racing #fanfiction

[shyanshippingsociety]

Shyan Shipping Society Fic Promo - May 14 to May 21 2021

Last Week

Hello, everybody! Mod Pop here with this weeks gathering of joozy fic created by the talented hands of our members. It’s a fantastic mix of AU’s and canon this time around, all of them an amazing read. So lets buckle up and get into it!

May 14

Trippingly On The Tongue by scallywap | E, 5k, Complete.

Brian Cramblish is an unknown actor hoping for his big break. When he auditions for the part of 'Ryan Bergara' in the new web series 'Unsolved', he meets former sitcom star Brad Pistachio, whose sole purpose in life is to annoy him. Despite this, Brian finds himself unwittingly attracted to the man who has his future in the palm of his hands.

-

"Brian, are you touching yourself right now?"

"...No."

"My dear, you're a better actor than that."

May 15

Disturbia by insufferableideefixe | E, 3k, Complete.

"I always knew being afraid excited you, but I had no idea that excitement would be so... physical."

My Little King by dippingmytoesindreams | E, 5k, Complete.

Something lives in the Old Forest 

May 16

Crackling Embers by dippingmytoesindreams | G, 1.4k, Complete.

Ryan yawns. “She liked the berries.”

“She did like the berries.” Shane agrees. “But we like you more.”

May 17

A Horror of Constraint by RedLlamas | E, 1.5k, Incomplete

Ryan thinks, "oh I'll jack off during class, it'll be a fun challenge, what could possibly go wrong?"

Well, Mr. Madej has eyes, that's what could possibly go wrong.

4.26.86 by szandor | M, 16k, Incomplete

A crossover between a classic Enemies to Friends to Lovers trope, and the HBO TV Series Chernobyl.

It's April of 1986 in the USSR. Bureaucrat Shane Madej and Professor Ryan Bergara have a chance meeting at a table to discuss the 'Chernobyl Incident.' Ryan Bergara believes there was more to said incident than a simple water tank explosion. Shane disagrees. The two are sent against their own will to the Chernobyl site just outside of Pripyat where they discover a much more dire situation than anticipated.

If You Like Pina Coladas and Getting Caught by insufferableideefixe | E, 1.9k, Complete

The boys are on a relaxing vacation in Hawaii and had a blast trying surfing for the first time. Ryan has an idea for yet another fun first they could try. 

Tracing His Way Through The Constellations by popkin16 | T, 2.8k, Complete

“You’re staring,” Shane pointed out, humor lightening the words. “I know this mug of mine is funny, but you’ve been looking at it for years, now. It can’t be that much of a surprise.”

“You have freckles,” Ryan said idly.

“Have for years, thanks,” Shane replied dryly.

May 18

Get Some Grip by zhalia | E, 3k, Incomplete

don't you just hate it when you get stuck in a meeting and your needy-rival-with-benefits starts sexting you?

like, there's so many people around you, seeing you blush and squirm in your seat, watching how your fingers type at lightspeed to keep up with your thoughts. then there's people around, asking you questions you have to answer, or comments you have to remember.

but all you can think of is how badly you wanna go to his home and fuck the words from his throat...

or, Shane is stuck in debrief after losing the Catalunya grand prix due to bad strategy choices. Ryan needs attention.

New Beginning by waywardmillenial | G, 904 words, Complete

Based on the tumblr prompt: “hey thanks for literally saving my life by pushing me out of the way of that car, but now you’re yelling at me bc i was reading and walking and you said i’m too cute to die” au.

A meet-cute scenario for the boys.

May 21

I See A Lighthouse In The Distance, Calling My Name by zhalia | E, 5k, Complete

They’re in the attic of the lighthouse, investigating in the dark. They’re about to walk over to the cold balcony so Ryan can talk about the woman that fell/got pushed/jumped from the railing when the door to back down to the stairs and inside the lighthouse falls shut, and they're locked up.

Ryan's an investigator for Ghost Adventures, and their new season takes them to a haunted lighthouse. Shane, owner of the lighthouse, guides them through, enjoying himself whenever Ryan shrieks.

it's all fun and games, until they're locked in.

What an incredible list of fics! Something there for everyone, I’d think. We love to see it. If you’d like to see what else the Shyan Shipping Society has to offer, check out our ao3 collection!

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to check our faqs or send us a question.

#mod pop #shyan shipping society #shyan #skeptic believer #watcher after dark #buzzfeed unclean #buzzfeed after dark #fic friday

[altr5312916195]

The Ghoul Boys' Pizza Party

“I can’t believe I let you dupe me into coming to a children's pizza place, Ryan. You really got me on this one.”

Shane told his partner as they stood outside of the abandoned building.

“Okay, yes it’s an odd place to be, but you know there’s been some stories since the opening of Freddy’s.”

“Oh, do tell.”

Shane said, feigning interest as they approached the doors.

“There’s legends of child murders, shady business and family affairs. A few of the restaurants went up in flames.”

Ryan explained. The pair walked up to the doors with the owner, and their crew behind them. The man unlocked the doors.

“Not this one though?”

“Not this one.”

Ryan confirmed as the man pushed the doors open.

“Have fun dudes, I’ll see you at six.” He chuckled.

He handed them pale blue button ups, a golden security badge sitting on top of the folded shirt.

“Great!

Let’s try not to die in a fire.”

Shane said, as he pulled on his shirt, fastening the badge to it.

“No promises.”

Ryan told him, being the first to step inside, buttoning his shirt.

“Oh look at the confidence!

The swagger ole’ Bergara has tonight.”

Shane chuckled as he walked behind.

The door clicked behind the crew as the owner locked them in for the night.

“I got a good feeling about this one.”

Ryan looked back at Shane with a smile.

“As in we’ll find some ghosts, or we’ll be ghoul free and you’ll go home and sleep well?”

“I’m not so sure yet.”

He noted, while dragging his hand across the damp wall. He found some light switches along the way and flicked them on. The overheads failed to power up, but the stage lights flickered on.

“Oh I truly hate that.”

Shane noted as the stage lit up, getting a good look at some tattered animatronics.

“Yeah that’s.. Not what you want to see.”

The Boys stepped to the edge of the stage, while the big three loomed over them.

“So tell me about the lore here. What are we looking at, I seem to recall child murder.”

Shane broke the silence.

“Yes! Lore..”

Ryan broke out of his trance and looked to Shane.

“Fredbear’s Family Diner opened in the early 70’s.”

“Oh they beat Chuck E?”

“Sure did.”

“The old cheese miser, they beat em to it.”

‘No one said they did a good job though.”

“Oh of course not..

Child murder isn’t good for the business,

Ryan c’mon! You should know that.”

“Hey, don’t jump ahead now hold on. So the little restaurant does well on it’s own for a time. It’s owned by one guy, guy decides it’s time to branch out.”

*chuckles* “Does guy have a name?”

“He does.”

*Gasp* “He does!”

“It’s Henry.”

“Henry, no last name?”

*laughs*

That is correct.”

“Oh that’s- *laughs* Wonderful.”

“Right so he teams up with this man.”

“Oh a partnership!

Does he have a name?”

“William Afton.”

“A last name too! What a lucky guy!”

*chuckles* “His full name is in the police report”

“But not Henry’s? He builds this business

From ground up and they don’t even give him

A proper name. What horse shit.”

“The disrespect is real.”

“It is!”

“It gets more real when you find out Afton’s

Pinned for henry’s daughter’s murder.”

*Laughs* “What? No you’re

Fucking with me.”

“Shane, I'm so serious.”

“Stop.”

“Honest to god.”

“That douche, that british douche!”

“Wha- *wheeze*

Why’s he a brit?”

“I just get the vibes.”

Ryan laughed it off, but continued on as they walked the table filled room.

“Freddy Fazbear’s opens about late 70’s right?”

“Things are going steady? No dead kids?”

“No dead kids, then!”

*chuckles* “Oh no..”

“See this is when Henry’s daughter goes missing.

Charlie.”

“That’s her name?”

“Charlette, yeah.”

“Oh okay, that douche Afton kills her.”

“Exactly, and hides her body

In one of the suits.”

“No!”

*nods* “Henry builds these things

And ole Afton thinks it’s a burial ground.”

“What a dick. That’s a new level

Of disrespect Ryan.”

“But wait! *laugs*

He kills five more kids.”

*laughs* “Ryan, that's not funny.”

“Shane, you're laughing too.”

“Well of course! Your delivery

Was so nonchalant.”

*laughs* “So five more kids.”

“Into the suits?”

“Yep.”

“Unrelated to Charlie?”

“Exactly.”

“But why?”

“He never told.”

“So he was taken in for this?”

“Then released because

They never found the bodies.”

“You’re kidding?”

“No, and then after Henry..

Well he kills himself.”

“Henry did? Oh god..”

“Right, Afton takes the rights.

Opens a new Freddy’s.”

“That douche bag..

He’s evil Ryan.”

“Truly, it’s scary.

But he opens this place,

Circus Baby’s.

His own daughter dies by

His animatronic, Baby.”

“That’s Karma.”

“You’d think.

You know his son dies too.”

“Who let this man have kids?”

“His dead wife..”

“OH MY GOD” *laugs*

“How’d she die?”

*laugh* “I’ll give you two guesses.”

“Sweet Satan.

Man’s got the worst luck.”

“Well, yknow

Maybe don’t murder children for funsies.”

“Fair point.”

There was a metallic creek behind them as they walked the restaurant.

*soft chuckle*

“Oh no..”

“I-

I’m not turning around.”

*laughs* “Please do,

We’ll turn around together.”

*Deep breath*

“Okay.”

“One.”

“Two..”

“Three.” The boys turned to face the stage once again.

“Ryan the bear moved.”

“Freddy.”

“Oh, Mr Fazbear himself.”

“The big man..”

Freddy’s eyes glinted as they shifted to gaze at Shane and Ryan.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Shane.. There’s a child in there.”

“A real one?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Can’t be.”

“What?”

“I said what I said.”

“I- wha-

Alright, okay.”

“Can we sit, and finish the story?”

“You’re not scared?”

“No.”

Shane simply told him, and pulled out a dusty chair. Ryan sat next to him, and sighed. Though his eyes often darted between Shane, and Freddy.

“Fine..

So Afton has a few restaurants running.”

“Despite Henry killing himself.

Got it. Douche.”

“Well the first Freddy’s shuts down.

Not because of missing kids, but faulty walk around suits.”

“Faulty walk around suits,

What did a worker almost die

While handing out cake?”

Ryan starred at his partner silently. Shane laughed.

“They did?”

“That’s when they finally bring Afton in.”

“And then let him go?

Five kids, dead.

Business partner, dead

Worker, dead.

They let him go.”

“It’s insane, but yes.

So they shut the first Freddy’s down.”

“This one, right?

They rebuilt it in the 90s right?”

“Yeah, some things happened in between.

Five kids, spring lock accident, bite of 87’.”

“A kid bit someone?”

“An animatronic bit a security guard.”

“Oh.. Oh well that’s us tonight.”

Shane gestured to the pale blue shirt, gold badge shining in the dim light of their flashlights.

“That’s.. Foreboding.”

“Unfortunately, yeah.

You know they’ve gone through

Team of animatronics

After team of animatronics.

They finally decide to put it all to rest.”

“Everything closes down?”

“All of it.

Years later, Afton’s off the grid.”

“He’s dead?”

“That’s a theory.”

“A game theory, got it.

Now we’re here.”

“Right.”

“Let’s get hunting then.”

Shane stands up, and Ryan follows. He looks down at his watch.

“One thirty A.M.”

“Five more hours.”

Ryan sighs nervously. They move from the main dining hall into a hallway. The dim lights of the stage stay behind them. They turn into a new room, a small stage in the middle.

“Who’s that?”

Shane pointed to the red fur, and yellow eye that peaked at them behind a purple curtain.

“That would be Foxy.”

“The pirate.

Chica, Bonnie.”

“And a puppet.”

“Where is that one?”

“Storage.

Lot of people think Charlie is in that one.”

“Oh fun, gotta love living in a box forever.”

Shane walked to the tiny stage and reached out for the curtain.

“Dude! Stop what’s wrong with you?”

*chuckles* “C’mon it’s fine.”

He pulled back the curtain. A sharp creak rang out as the silver hook fell on Shane’s arm. He hissed in pain and pulled back.

“I fucking told you!”

“So the gears are loose, Ryan.

Shut up, I’m not dead.

Just give me a bandaid and an alcohol wipe.”

“We’re gonna need shots after this..”

“Oh please.”

Shane scoffed as one of the crew walked over and wiped at the cut with a small wipe, and slapped a bandaid over it.

“Good as new!”

Shane smiled, and thanked the crew member.

“Now, how bout a good ole spirit box?”

Ryan sighed, and pulled out the spirit box, setting it on one of the tables next to them.

“Alright Foxy, it’s gonna get a little loud in here.

Bet you’re used to it from all the screaming kids though.”

“Well he hasn’t been around em in a while.”

“It has been a bit.”

Ryan clicked the spirit box on. The loud shuffle of noise began as everyone listened in anticipation. Seconds passed and Ryan sighed again, disappointed.

“Nothing! C’mon Foxy boy, you got nothing to say?”

The room was quiet save for the radio channels shuffling.

Then something broke through.

“Save them.”

Ryan’s eyes widened as goosebumps hit his arms.

“No.”

*chuckles* “That.. that was the clearest thing

We’ve heard..”

Ryan looked at the tattered red fox and stepped back.

“Shane what the hell was that?”

The words “Save them” struck the cold air again.

Shane laughed, albeit nervously.

“The kids need help Ryan.”

“Shane stop.”

“Ryan they need you.”

“Shane it’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

Ryan picked up the spirit box, and turned it off. He quickly ducked back into the hallway.

“Oh come- Ryan come on.”

Shane followed him out. They continued down the corridor.

“Shane it’s not funny,

There’s kids in there.”

“You can’t believe that.”

“You don’t?”

Shane hesitated.

“No, I don’t.”

A dim light at the end of the hall led them to an office.

Computer screens lined the wall.

“I’m sorry I can’t find it

Easy to joke about these kids.”

“Ryan stop.. It’s fine. It’s what we do.”

They looked to the screens as they argued and Ryan stopped mid sentence.

“Chica’s gone.”

“What? No she’s no-”

On the main screen, the stage, there was only two animals up there. Freddy, and Bonnie.

A crash came from the kitchen.

“Is the whole team in the office?”

Ryan asked, and counted the members in the room. They were all there.

“Shut the doors.”

Shane fumbled for a door, there was none. Just a hole in the wall. He muttered in confusion as he hit the red button labeled door. A metal door came slamming shut.

“I don’t think that’s very safe.”

“But the animatronics outside are?”

“Pick your poison Ryan.”

“We are going to die here..”

“Oh stop! *laughs* We’re fine.”

“Shane I don’t think you understand!

So many people died here.

Kids, nightguards, shift managers. Families, Shane.”

“Ryan, it’s not true.”

Ryan shook his head, and turned to look back at the screens on the wall. Shane put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

“Come on, Ryan..”

He laughed awkwardly, while Ryan shrugged his hand away.

One of the monitors glitched, coming back to show Foxy in a new position.

“It moved.”

“I see that..”

“What do we do?”

“Nothing, we watch them.

What time is it?”

“Three.”

Ryan sighed, and sunk into one of the roller chairs by the desk.

“Ryan what are we doing?”

“I don’t know! Okay?

We’re stuck here until dawn. Let’s just ride it out.”

Shane sat down next to him, and watched the computer screens. The main screen glitched as Bonnie moved off stage, leaving Freddy alone.

“Shane, why do you think they’re moving?”

“They’re programmed that way aren’t they?”

“You think they do that at Chuck E Cheese?”

“Well, yknow..

I don’t know. I’ve never been in this position.”

Ryan shuffled around again for the spirit box and clicked it on.

Shane groaned and flinched as the sound screeched through the small room.

“Oh you love to hate it..”

Shane joked as Ryan shushed him. Shane pouted and sighed, leaning back in the chair. More banging came from the kitchen.

“Let’s eat.”

“Ryan.. *laughs*

Ryan the chicken is gonna eat us.”

“Shane..”

“I’m sorry I can’t help it.”

Footsteps echoed down the hall, and Ryan turned off the box to hear them better. Things went quiet until something slammed against the door. Ryan jumped back with a shout, and Shane pointed his flashlight towards the window.

In the window a purple shadow stood smiling.

“It’s Bonnie.”

“I see him, Shane.”

“What do we do?”

“Everyone stay still, maybe it’ll go away.”

They both spoke barely above a whisper. Minutes passed as the bunny stood unmoving. Humming echoed through the halls.

“Ryan..”

“I know.. I-i know.

What time-”

“Four.”

“This is our purgatory, Shane.

We’re done for.”

“Don’t be so pessimistic.”

After what felt like hours the hulking form finally turned to leave.

Ryan sighed in relief.

“See?”

“Don’t jinx it Shane.”

“I’m sorry.”

He went quiet, eyes falling back on the screens as they watched Bonnie roam the halls. Chica had found her way back to the stage, Foxy was unmoving.

“Why are they moving? What do they want with us?”

“Stop asking questions I don’t have answers to!”

Ryan huffed out. He looked down at his feet, the golden badge glinting in his eyes as a thought hit him.

“William always came in dressed as a guard.

That was his MO.”

“And we’re the guards. What if they’re

scared of us?”

Ryan looked at Shane, dumbfounded.

“What if they are scared of us?”

“One hour left.” Someone from the crew informed.

“We have to get back to the front doors.”

A soft beeping began to ring out. Shane looked around for the source. In the corner of on of the screens a small red battery flashed in time with the beeping.

“We’re losing power.”

“To what?”

Shane shrugged.

“We’re not going to make it.”

“We’re going to make it.”

Something slammed against the door, a dent being pressed into it.

“We don’t get paid enough for this!”

“It’s Foxy, that bitch!

“Shane, you'll make him angier!”

“Yeah? Well he can suck it!

That’s right!”

“They’re kids!”

“Oh please..”

Another slam rang out, as the beeping grew louder, more urgent.

“Five thirty.”

“Shane what do we do?”

“We’re going to get to that door.

He’ll go away soon.”

The banging grew louder, and Ryan moved to cover his ears. He shrank back in his chair, eyes shut.

Despite all this he heard something in the back of his mind as images flash in his head.

It’s me

“Shane!”

Shane stood up, standing between Ryan and the door. The banging stopped. The fox walked away. Ryan relaxed a bit. Until the power went out, and the door opened again.

“We’re going to run for it.”

“We cannot do that!”

“We can.”

Shane grabbed Ryan’s arm and booked it down the halls, dragging Ryan behind him. Foxy wasn’t far off on their steps in the hall.

“Ryan run faster!”

“I ca- I can’t!”

He choked out. His eyes were on the small crew behind them, worried of who may be left behind. Chica met them at the end of the hall as she stepped out from the kitchen. Shane narrowly avoided hitting her dead on and led them into the main room.

“Look there’s the door!”

Ryan laughed in pitiful fear, and small relief. Until Bonnie stopped them in their tracks.

“Oh god, oh fuck.”

Chica, and Foxy had the crew trapped, the doors barely out of reach. All of the voices grew louder around them. Ryan clutched his hands over his ears, his eyes shut tight. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest, and Shane’s tight grip on him released.

“Shane?”

Ryan asked, refusing to open his eyes.

Shane looked at the animatronics as they circled the team. They were so close he couldn’t let it end like this. But he also couldn’t reveal himself. He panicked, his eyes began to turn a deep red as he looked around for another way out. But those kids, they wouldn’t get out of his head. They were so loud.

“OH JUST STOP IT”

He screamed, and they listened. The voices were silent, and Ryan opened his eyes. Shane grabbed his arm again and yanked him to the doors.

The owner opened them up just as Ryan and Shane made it back outside. Though Shane was prepared to barrel through the glass if necessary.

Ryan fell to his knees as they finally made it to the end, and laughed in morbid relief.

“Hey! You guys made it! Did ya have fun?” The owner smiled at them.

Shane helped Ryan up, and glared at the owner. He ripped the badge off his shirt, and slammed it against the man’s chest.

“We’re suing.”

#I don't know what this is #I literally had the idea this morning #I wrote this in 3 houts #oh well #buzzfeed unsolved supernatural #buzzfeed unsolved #buzzfeed unsolved fanfic #fanfic #buzzfeed ryan #buzzfeed shane #this is not a ship post #dont tag as ship #ILL TAKE YOUR KNEES #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf fanfiction #five nights at freddys fanfiction #one shot #there's so many words #2809 words #so many #bless you if you read all of this #I had fun

[snarkwrites]

round two of my ✨thot✨ spam

this was inspired by the “i would never let a man spit in my mouth” tiktok and while i whole heartedly agree with said sentiment, i would totally let ryan do that to me without question. if anyone else tried to do that, it would be hands on site. BUT ALSO the fact that he could call me a whore [ or any other variation ] and i’d thank him - ❤️

Ooooh, I love this one. One, I can totally see Ryan doing it. T O T A L L Y. Also, I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment too. I LOVE THIS OMG, YEAH.. Lemme see what I can come up with here.

Just for reasons, I'm gonna go ahead and venture this might well... Get dirty.

Life edit: I kept it mostly clean.. Mostly. Sexual encounter is heavily hinted at.

Warning:

Absolutely no minors here. If you're not 18+ you clearly do not need to be reading this, whether it's full on sexual or not, because sexual themes will be implied. So, if you're one of the kiddos, please take this time to click away from the adult content.

If you continue to read beyond this point, here are a few things you need to be on the look out for: dirty talk / light name calling & heavy af on the teasing / public makeouts....

It didn't get sexual BUT... it's filled with innuendo. Oops?

Tagging:

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@twistnet

[ faq - tag list doc ]

( at me all you want. I'll stop using this gif when he stops being so damn pretty when he's a lil wounded.)

RYAN WOLFE & dirty little girl;

“You’re all depraved, holy shit.” I glanced around the table at my sister and her friends, taking a sip of my margarita. Grimacing because it tasted as if someone doubled up on the tequila and skimmed on the margarita mix.

“All I’m saying is sometimes it’s fun to be dirty. You’ve never just given in to the urge to let a man spit in your mouth?” Natalia asked, more in teasing than anything. Smirking at me when I pretended to gag because I have a strong feeling she can see straight through my bullshit.

“What the fuck? No! I would never let a man spit in my mouth. I don’t know why ya’ll keep saying spit in my mouth, spit in my mouth. It’s not hot, okay? It’s gross.”

“There has to be that one guy you’d let do it. Everybody has that one person.” my sister gave me a teasing grin as she said it. I shook my head firmly. “Nope. No and no. I have never looked at a man and just thought “Oh hey, I’d gladly let that man spit in my mouth and call me his dirty little slut…”

“That’s oddly specific for someone who says she’s never thought about it and thinks it’s gross.” my sister was at it again, teasing me. I tensed a little, because of course, she was right. I’d die a thousand painful deaths before owning up to it, but she was 1000 percent correct. There was a guy.

But it was a non issue. Because the guy in question?

Only had eyes for my sister Natalia.

Ryan Wolfe.

“I think you’re onto something, Nat.” Calleigh mused as she gave me a thoughtful look. I could feel myself tensing. Quick to shake my head no. Quick to laugh and joke, “Oh no, trust me, she’s not. Just face it, ladies. I have my limits. There are no exceptions.”

Calleigh gave a soft laugh and shook her head. Taking a thoughtful sip from her mixed drink. I relaxed, thinking that maybe they’d both drop it.

And then Alexx spoke up.

“It’s Ryan.”

I shook my head, doing what I hoped was my best unaffected and unamused act. Sipping my drink and watching the guys in the back of the bar, gathered around the dartboard. It was Ryan’s turn to throw and naturally, my eyes were glued to him. Laughing to myself when he smirked and launched the dart and it just barely settled beneath the bullseye.

But I was curious enough to ask… “What makes you think that?” I asked Alexx. My intention was to figure out if maybe I wasn’t as good as hiding my feelings as I previously thought.

Alexx gave a soft laugh and shrugged, saying nothing.

My sister was watching me, a brow raised. Thinking long and hard about something as she sipped her drink.

“You’re not denying it.” she finally spoke up.

I shrugged. “Because I know the truth. Doesn’t matter that you guys don’t believe me.” I turned my attention back to the ongoing game of darts, slamming back a shot of tequila. Ryan’s turn came around again and when he landed a bullseye, we locked eyes. He flashed me that smirk and I bit my lip, pounding the bar as I held his gaze, smirking back. Ordering myself another round of tequila shots when the bartender came.

When my shots arrived, I slammed them all down, turning the shot glasses upside down, forming the first and second row of a pyramid. Wiping the back of my hand over my mouth as I found myself doing it again, staring at Ryan just a little too much.

“Maybe we’d believe you if you weren’t staring at him like you were on fire and he has the hose.” my sister teased, making me glance over at her and stick out my tongue. “I still wouldn’t let him spit in my mouth. I mean.. I don’t think I would…” I trailed off, going quiet. Well aware that I was dangerously close to letting everything come pouring out.

“Says the woman who openly admits to having more than a few kinks.” my sister teased, laughing. Pushing me when she heard what I said under my breath. “What was that? Was that doubt? If you’re not sure whether you’d let Ryan Wolfe spit in your mouth or not, that usually means you might be open to it.” my sister teased.

“My kinks are choking and bondage… Spanking on occasion. Not… That.” I scoffed, smiling at the looks on their faces when they all turned to look at me. I shrugged and slipped off the barstool.

“Where are you going?” Calleigh called out, an almost teasing gleam in her eye as she asked the question.

“I’m going to show those dorks how you play darts.” I answered, trying to maintain as much nonchalance as possible as I did so. Truth be told, I wanted to get away from the conversation before it got too deep.. Before they dragged the whole truth out of me.

“You mean you’re going to go get a closer look. It’s okay, go ahead.” my sister and Calleigh teased and I turned to walk backwards, flipping them both off as I went. “Ha freaking ha. I am not going to get a closer view of Ryan Wolfe. And if I were, what’s it to ya anyway? It’s a free country. And I can’t help it my eyes like lookin at him?”

As a parting jab, my sister called out, “Spit in my mouth.” and the three women dissolved into rowdy laughter as I poked out my tongue and rolled my eyes at them, calling out in response, “Okay, fine. Maybe I’d let him spit in my mouth and call me a dirty little slut. Maybe.”

My back smashed into someone just as soon as the words left my mouth. I gritted my teeth, swallowing hard as my ice cold beer spilled all over the front of my favorite white shirt. Soaking through immediately, revealing a fire engine red bra. I turned abruptly, prepared for it to be some drunk person, a stranger. Praying against everything that it was just that.

Naturally, it wasn’t. I wasn’t going to get that lucky.

Ryan stood there, staring at me thoughtfully. Almost a stunned look on his face. The look he was giving me faded and I swallowed hard, raising my free hand to tousle my hair.

“Shit.” I muttered softly. I could feel my stomach churning nervously.

Ryan chuckled, nodding at my shirt as he took off the button up he wore, leaving him in a white tank top. Holding out the shirt to me. “Looks like you need that more than me right now.”

All I could do was nod.

And for some odd reason, the entire “Spit in my mouth” debate I’d just been in with my sister and her friends replayed itself in my mind. And I wanted to disappear into the floor of the bar when I realized that he’d probably just heard every single thing I said… ,, maybe not. Maybe he didn’t.” the thought came, but when I saw the playful teasing gleam in his eyes, my stomach churned nervously because I knew he had to have heard it all. Every single word.

I bit my lip and took a shaky breath. As much as I hated asking the question, it had to be asked.

“How much did you hear?” I asked in as innocent a way as possible. Fidgeting and shuffling my feet under his intent and thoughtful stare.

All Ryan did was smirk and shrug. “I heard enough.”

“How much is enough?” I asked, not sure why I wasn’t just leaving it alone.

Ryan stepped closer, towering over me. His hand settled on my hip and his eyes settled on my lips as he licked his own. Seconds that seemed to drag on like hours passed and he finally leaned down enough to whisper against my ear quietly, “Let’s put it this way… I heard you say you liked looking at me. Among other things...” before standing up straight again, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

I swayed slightly, the beginnings of a healthy buzz taking over. Giggling at the way he kept staring at me, raising a hand to my mouth to stop the giggling. He reached out, lowering my hand. Pulling me against him slightly as a crowd made their way past.

He tilted my face so that I had to look up at him. Biting his lip. That thoughtful look in his eyes that prompted me to ask quietly, “What? Do I have something on my face? Lipstick on my teeth?”

“Just thinking.” Ryan answered quietly.

“About?” I questioned, holding his gaze. Smirking to myself a little when he looked away first.

“ How much I like looking at you too.” Ryan finally replied. I swallowed hard when his eyes locked on me all over again. Hints of a teasing smirk turning the corners of his mouth upward as he closed the distance between us. His hands went straight to my hips settling. His fingers digging in as I melted against him.

“Oh you do, hm?” I purred, raising to tiptoe. Leaning into the buzz I had going for the necessary courage to just let go and roll with whatever was happening.

“Very much, actually.” his voice was this perfect mix of velvet and gravel and I could feel my thighs getting slick under the weight of his gaze. His eyes roamed over me slowly. I gulped and licked my lips, found myself staring at his.

“You didn’t… hear anything else I said..Right?”

Ryan chuckled. His mouth inched towards mine. Almost painfully slow.

“Which part? The part where you said you might let me spit in your mouth and call you my dirty little slut?” he muttered just as his lips barely brushed against mine. He pulled away, smirking. Teasing me and I knew it. The realization had me pouting and dropping my gaze.

Which wouldn’t do for him, apparently, because he gripped my chin, guiding my face so that I had no choice but to look at him.

“Ya know…” he muttered in a daze as his tongue slipped past my lips, dominating the kiss as it deepened, “ typically, I’d prefer to buy you a drink or somethin first.” the kiss breaking so we could breathe.

“Yeah?” I breathed out, pouting at the end of the kiss. He chuckled and nodded, whispering quietly, “But honestly, as bad as I want you right now…” his hand circled my wrist, guiding my hand down to the way he strained against the khaki trousers he was wearing, letting me palm at the bulge. “I don’t wanna waste any time.”

“Get me out of here.”

Ryan scooped me up in his arms, carrying me towards the door. Once we were outside and standing beside his car, he sat me on the hood, moving to step between my legs. Devouring my mouth with his hungrily. His lips strayed, latching onto my neck as my hand slipped down between us, palming at the front of his trousers all over again. Making him buck against the movement of my hand and growl into my mouth, “You gonna show me how dirty you can be tonight, princess? Are you gonna be my dirty little girl?” as the kiss deepened, getting sloppier. I rubbed against him, clinging to him frantically, gasping out “Yes.” as I felt myself getting even wetter. His hand slipped down, settling palm flat against my aching sex, rubbing. The friction building had me rocking against his hand, earning me a smirk from him.

“Good girl.”

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