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rookthorne · 2 years

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May God have Mercy on You, Because I Won't | ꜱʜʀᴜɴᴋʏᴄʟᴜɴᴋꜱ

Pairings; Shrunkyclunks Word Count; 2.6k Warnings; hurt/comfort, hostage situation, swearing, torture, blasphemy, description of blood and injuries, pet names, DON'T FUCK WITH STEVE ROGERS AND HIS BOY A/N; CAN I JUST HAVE A SECOND TO GLOAT ABOUT THE TITLE AND HEADER, PLEASE? I am so proud of this one. Okay done, thanks.

WHUMPTOBER MASTERLIST

There was no greater danger than provoking a man by taking what was his, and flaunting it like a trophy. Devils had to have their fun, too.

It had only been ten minutes into Bucky’s work day when the alarm blared, its shrill tone grated against his eardrums like nails down a chalkboard. He flew to his feet and ran into the corridor when a throng of people ran past his office towards the stairs.

“What the fuck!” He yelled over the commotion of stampeding employees and the alarm. Other agents were storming through the corridors and shouted orders to evacuate, while others ran past him towards the small armoury down the way from Bucky’s ‘office’.

Bucky frantically thought back to how this morning had started; breakfast with Steve, talks of a mission abroad, and then he was swept up and taken to work in a love-drunk daze. Steve should still be in a briefing - he can’t have left yet.

God, he can’t have left yet, Bucky prayed. A monotone voice called CODE 1 through the speakers the longer he stood in the doorway, and it only meant one thing; SHIELD had been infiltrated.

Steve - where the fuck was Steve?

Bucky moved to follow one of the agents towards the armoury, and amongst the confusion and panic of the other employees, he didn’t notice the gunmen advancing from another corridor to his left. The shock of being suddenly surrounded disorientated him, and he watched as one of the gunmen dared get closer.

All of their faces were covered by ski masks - a piss poor attempt to hide their identities when their accents gave away their intentions as much as their spoken words. “This one, get him!” One of them barked, his thick German accent dripping from every word like poison. Bucky felt his stomach revolt and flip with a new found terror. No-

Agents rushed forward when they finally saw amongst the chaos what was happening, but they were beset by another wave of gunmen behind them. Bucky watched, horror struck, when they dropped like flies to the ground amongst puddles of blood.

He was alone, but not defenceless.

Steve had taught him how to defend himself in any situation, and how to watch an enemy for openings, or any weaknesses.

Like hell I’m going down without a fight, Bucky thought savagely. The gunmen continued to circle him and he watched one approach, a strange barbed weapon in his hand that could only mean an agonising amount of pain was sure to follow.

“No-” Bucky grunted, dodging a hand aimed to grab his bicep and swung out, landing a punch to the gunman’s exposed throat. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

A sharp jab to his neck from someone behind him made him stumble, his hand reached blindly for the thing protruding from his neck only to fall to his knees - they had tranquilised him.

The world went dark before he could even yell for help. Before he could yell for Steve.

Drip, drip, drip.

It was cold, and the air stunk of mould and staleness. His head throbbed and his mouth was dry, whatever they had tranqued him with- he didn’t want to think about it.

Carefully and ever so slowly, Bucky opened his eyes, no further than a squint. His hands were bound tightly with rope to the back of a chair, and his ankles were tied to the legs of it.

The blanket of his now matted hair hid his roving glances around the darkened surroundings; a warehouse, bare of any product, and gutted from shelves. The absence of any sounds gave away the fact that he was truly alone, and with that assurance, Bucky looked up slowly to take in his surroundings fully.

Support beams were erected in every corner of the cavernous room, and there was a set of doors directly across from him - chained and padlocked shut. Another door was on the wall to the left, its frosted glass window betraying no approaching figures.

Bucky’s gaze shifted down towards his chest. “Goddammit,” he muttered, the sight of rope wound around his diaphragm was a damning one. His left arm felt heavy and pulled on his shoulder, the plates of his prosthetic weren’t shifting, nor was he able to move his fingers. They had somehow disabled his arm, but with what, or how, he didn’t know.

There was a table far to his right, the contents strewn haphazardly within view - his knife amongst them.

There was no way he could slip free of his binds with all of his assets unusable or not within reach.

You fucking fool, you should have used the knife, Bucky thought bitterly.

He had never seen these assailants, their brand and technique weren’t unheard of, however, but that knowledge was of no help to him when he was unarmed and restrained on what felt like a chair seemed to be especially designed to hold him.

“We have to make sure they send him,” voices carried from behind the door with frosted glass, and blurred silhouettes danced within view.

Shit.

Bucky hastily dropped his head and became deathly still, careful to still move his shoulders as though he was still breathing and in a deep sleep.

The door swung open with a crash and Bucky could decipher three sets of footsteps, one lighter than the other two, and one had a slight limp. Their voices were thick with an accent, not unlike the one he heard from the gunman earlier.

“Look at this pathetic piece of shit,” one of them spat, his tone revealed just how thrilled he was to have his captive still tied to a chair. Bucky suspected they were hired mercenaries; they were much too blaise in standing so close, so they possibly hadn’t been briefed on who Bucky was.

That was an advantage; one he would use.

“Are you sure this one is the right one?” Another voice asked, his accent much thinner than the first captor. Right one?

“He can’t let his pet-”

Bucky’s breath hitched slightly and he opened his eyes behind the cover of his lank hair. His pet?

“He’s awake,” the third voice piped up and Bucky tensed. Fuck.

A hand gripped Bucky’s throat like a vice and forced his head upwards and into the light. The sudden brightness burned at his retinas, and he tried to focus on the face right in front of him.

Bucky could see the man’s eyes through the slits of his ski mask, and he could have sworn they were black with hatred.

“Your boyfriend,” the man spat the word out like it was toxic, “killed some of our boss’ men, not too long ago.”

Bucky glowered up into the man’s face and didn’t falter when the man’s fingertips squeezed the sides of his throat. Keep calm.

“You’re here,” another man continued, coming into Bucky’s line of sight. Another ski mask. “So we can make sure it never happens again.”

Bucky’s focus shifted between the two men in sight until the grip around his throat lessened. He swallowed thickly, and tried to speak. “You’re making a big mistake-”

SLAP

Bucky’s head flew to the side and he winced, the curtain of hair covering his pained expression. The bruise was already forming over his cheek from the force.

“SHUT UP!” The man yelled angrily. His voice echoed off the barren walls and through Bucky’s already pounding skull.

It was dangerously silent after that.

Bucky’s heavy breathing covered the roar of blood in his ears, and he turned his head further to the side so he could spit out the blood pooling in his mouth. The feel of grit in his teeth and the taste of iron on his tongue remained, unfortunately.

Bucky slowly turned his head back to face the mercenaries. “What do you want from me?”

“We want your boyfriend to rescue you - his damsel in distress,” one cooed, his sickly sweet and honeyed voice made Bucky feel nauseous. “And then, well, we’re gonna teach him a lesson.”

Bucky raised a brow in shock. “A lesson,” he parroted, his voice slow and deliberate, as though he was addressing a child.

The man glared down at him and pulled something from his pants pocket. Bucky watched apprehensively as a syringe came into view, the clear liquid in the barrel ominous. “He’ll be too late to save you, though. A shame.”

Bucky struggled against the binds of his chest and arms in an effort to get away, but it was in vain. The needle stabbed his neck and the mercenary pushed the plunger, the clear cocktail of whatever chemicals they had mixed burned through the muscle.

The spread of the concoction was unbearable and excruciating, and Bucky couldn’t scream.

He could not make a single sound.

“There we go,” one of them said, stepping forward to closely inspect whatever was happening to Bucky’s body. The muscles of his shoulders went lax, and his head lolled to the side - he had no control over the entirety of his body.

Fear began to settle heavily in Bucky’s stomach and he broke out into a cold sweat. The burn of the chemical cocktail was spreading through every fibre of his muscles down to his damn toes.

He still could not make a fucking sound.

“Too much,” another commented, observing Bucky with critical eyes while he slumped forward in the chair against the restraint binding his chest to the chair. “The dose, it was too much.”

Too much fucking what! Bucky wanted to demand, but his mouth would not move. Steve, please, he begged soundlessly, where are you!

A gloved hand flew into his field of vision and he made a strangled noise of pain when it connected with his nose. Another blow landed against his left shoulder and the chair tipped to the side beneath him, and he landed with a jolt onto his right shoulder.

“Look at how weak he is!” One of the men cheered, while the other two laughed and circled around to his back. The ropes around his chest fell away, followed by his ankles, then his arms. It was no relief to Bucky, however, whatever they had dosed him with rendered him immobile and defenceless.

The chair was removed from his back and Bucky rolled forward when a boot nudged his hip. Get up, get up, get up, he screamed in his mind. Panic had begun to course through his veins and sit heavily in his stomach - he didn’t want to die.

“Look at that,” one of them mused, “we could do whatever we wanted to him, for fucking free.”

Please, let this be over soon, Bucky prayed.

Time seemed to crawl while he lay sprawled on the concrete floor, helpless to stop the blows against his ribs, his stomach, his everything.

The hits suddenly stopped, only providing a second of relief until someone grabbed hold of his hair, and pulled. His head left the floor and tears welled in his eyes, the scream of pain lodging itself in his throat. He wanted to scream “Fuck you!” and spit into his captor’s face, but his body would not cooperate with the chemicals still making its home in every system of his weakened body.

“Where is your boyfriend?” Each word was punctuated with a harsh tug on Bucky’s hair, and he glared back through slightly swollen eyes into the black ski mask, unable to find the man’s eyes anymore.

A sudden static noise coming from his hip startled the man into letting Bucky go and Bucky’s head hit the concrete with a snap. Gloved hands flew to the radio on his belt and Bucky realised it was the first time it had even made any noise.

There was a crash in the distance and the other two men stiffened, while the third fumbled with the radio. “What was that?”

Another short burst of static came from the flimsy speaker, followed by a cut off shout.

“Come in!” The one with the radio said hastily. More static was the only answer he received. “What’s going on out there?”

Another crash sounded past the double doors, this time much closer, as though whoever it was, was just outside it. Two of the men hastened to pull their guns free and aimed them at the door, while the one with the radio aimed his gun at Bucky’s head.

Spots were dancing in Bucky’s vision and the clarity grew gradually worse, and he couldn’t help but twitch his lips upwards the best he could in the tiniest smile, draining the very last ounce of strength he had.

Steve must have found him.

BOOM

The door rattled on its hinges and swayed slightly, the clink of the chains against the steel of the doors a demented tune - one hell of a doorbell.

BOOM

The hinges on the door frame cracked and warped with the force of the hit. One more and surely it would fly off.

“Stop!”

Movement from behind the door ceased at the command and Bucky began to pant softly, panic was squeezing his chest like a vice and there wasn’t enough air in the room. The muzzle of the gun nudged at his temple and he whimpered through paralyzed vocal cords, it was so quiet that the man wouldn’t have heard him over his own racing heart.

Steve- help-

“We have a gun to your precious boy’s head!”

The pearly gates of heaven surely were nowhere near as welcoming as seeing the steel doors fly open, revealing Steve in the doorway - a reincarnate of the devil himself.

Bucky watched with watering eyes as Steve tilted his head slightly, observing the sight before him until his eyes locked on Bucky’s. He could have sworn Steve’s eyes turned black as he roved over Bucky’s still limp and beaten body.

Steve- please-

Bucky’s captors stood stock still around him, pure terror written across their faces like a verse from the bible. They had not planned for Steve to show up - not like this.

“Son,” Steve started, his gaze now directed towards the man with the radio. “I may not be a man of faith,” he sauntered forwards, his blackened stare pinning the man in place. “But I can only hope that God will take mercy on you, for taking what’s mine.”

Bucky watched Steve step into the man’s space, a snarl so vicious took over his features so he looked like a twisted devil - the real Mephistopheles warping through time and legend to stand right before his prey.

“Because I fucking won’t.”

All hell broke loose in less than the blink of an eye.

Steve lifted the man up from the floor by his throat and threw him against the wall, while the other two scrambled for the exit to flee.

Bucky closed his eyes against a throb of pain in his head, but he listened to the sound of scuffling feet as Steve launched forward onto the two retreating cowards. They landed with a loud thud onto the floor and the sound of two bodies being dragged filled the sudden silence.

Another set of footsteps sounded from the blown open doors and Bucky heard Steve grunt with effort. “We’ll bring these,” Steve stopped to kick one of them presumably in the ribs, “bastards back to base. I want to have the first crack at ‘em.” The third set of footsteps retreated back down the hallway hurriedly.

Steve’s footsteps came closer until Bucky heard him kneel at his side, and he opened his eyes slowly. “Oh, sweetheart,” his hand was gentle on Bucky’s shoulder, a stark contrast to the bruising touch of his captors. “Can you talk? Squeeze my hand,” Steve slipped his gloved and bloodied hand into Bucky’s, and Bucky faintly squeezed.

Whatever was in that syringe still hadn’t left his muscles.

“I’m gonna lift you up, okay?” Steve said. His hands slowly pushed at Bucky’s shoulder until he was up and on his side. Bucky’s hair covered his face and Steve moved it carefully, smiling softly down at him once Bucky managed to move his eyes to the side. Steve’s eyes were no longer black with vengeance. “Hey, you.”

Bucky managed a small smile in return, relieved more than anything at the fact that his angel had arrived, just in time to save him.

Graphics & Header made by yours truly.

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pickles4nickles · 26 days

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So I’ve been watching playthroughs of Yakuza games for a while now, but when I saw that the newest game takes place in Hawai’i, the place where I was born, raised, and have lived in for nearly 30 years now, I knew that this was something I had to have first-hand experience with and not let some guy tell me how to feel about it, to put it bluntly.

I went on a month and a half long journey to finish this game, so I sat around for a bit like

Jesus Christ I should write a review on it.

So if you’d like to read about 5k words on what I thought about The Video Game™, here you go.

Overall, Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth is a really really good game. However, as Hawai’i local it was kind of hard for me to turn my brain off to some of the cultural inaccuracies and as someone who tends to play smaller indie games, I clocked in about 110 hours on this and I burned out a little towards the end.

GAMEPLAY

Let’s get into Gameplay first because I think I have the most positive thoughts about it. If you haven’t heard my thoughts about Pokemon lately, it mostly boils down to “It’s the only RPG I’ve really been playing in recent years and the gameplay has been very watered down and I yearn for a decent PvE experience.” This game definitely scratched that itch in more ways than one.

Infinite Wealth’s turn-based combat system revolves around positioning. Some moves have an AoE of either a straight line or a circle. Positioning a character next to an ally will proc a combo move with them and positioning them near items will proc an item attack where you can beat a guy to death with a traffic cone or something.

The job system is robust. Every character starts off with a default class- Ichiban’s is Hero, an all-rounder that can pretty much do anything; characters like Nanba and Eric (I know the game calls him Tomi or Tomizawa, but I’m not the game and “Fuckin’ Eric” sounds way better than “Fuckin’ Tomi”) are magic-oriented, so they’re basically wizards by default. You can change their class to other jobs (Desperado is my favorite because it’s basically gun mage), which unlocks new skills as you level them up. You can also change jobs as much as you want and skills carry over between them, so there’s a bit of moveset mixing and matching that makes my brain feel good.

Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio, (the Yakuza devs, which we’re just gonna abbreviate to RGG from here on out) have always been REALLY good at asset reuse (again, I cast a dirty look to Game Freak). They’ll make a whole-ass map of a region and reuse that same map for several games down the line. Not only do you spend a significant time in Ijincho again and not only do you go to Kamurocho for little bit… AGAIN, but there are two… what I can only call “macro” games that have the best asset reuse I’ve seen in, like, maybe anything ever.

DONDOKO ISLAND

Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth comes with a whole-ass Animal Crossing clone that’s also kind of The Sims called Dondoko Island. In this, you rehab an island that’s being used as a dump for some trash pirates (no, seriously, they’re actually pirates, yar har and everything) back into a five star resort. There’s a whole-ass crafting system where you go around the island, harvesting resources, to build furniture and facilities, which include whole-ass buildings which have appeared in past Yakuza games. The crafting system is GREATLY improved over Animal Crossing: New Horizon in that you can skip the goddamn animation and craft multiple of the same items at once. You don’t even have to have all the materials in your inventory, it’ll take it from your storage. Placing items in the world is also in an overhead view and the only grievance I have with the system is that placing paths is really weird and you can only place a limited number of them. But overall, Nintendo, was it really that hard to put into the video game. Why did you make AC:NH disrespect my time in that way?

Once the island has been cleaned up enough, you can start inviting guests over, which all have their own set of preferences for the vibe of your island (rustic, pop, sleazy, etc), their lodging quality, and how much of the island’s flora and fauna (and minerals, I guess??) you’ve discovered.

I really really liked Dondoko Island because who am I to say no to a management mini/macro game with decoration elements. I mostly really appreciate that it doesn’t waste your time. I wanna say I finished it in like less than 20 hours… which is not short for a game within a game (actually, that’s insane for a game within a game), but for a game of this genre, it’s pretty short.

There’s also an entire separate mini-island that further helps you with efficiently running your island by passively collecting resources over time and just being a general stockpile of bugs and fish to catch. But I can’t talk about this part without talking about…

SUJIMON

A returning character voiced by Keith Silverstein in the English dub – yes, that Keith Silverstein, who voices Masayoshi Shido of Persona 5 and Zhongli of The Genshin Impact™ is a professor who documents the behavior of weird and often hostile middle aged men, called Sujimon. When Ichiban goes to Hawai’i, he asks him to also document the native Sujimon there as there’s a prominent Sujimon scene there. Mans wasn’t kidding as there is an underground, more or less ilicit Sujimon fight club called The Sujimon League with its own Elite Four called The Discrete Four.

In the previous game, Sujimon was just your bestiary (literally called the Sujidex), but now it’s a whole-ass game, which I can mostly only describe as simplified Yokai Watch, but a glorified card game. Just so we’re not here for forever talking about middle-aged men cockfights… because I can talk about the mechanics and inner workings of middle-aged men cockfights for a hot minute, Sujimon League basically operates on a 3v3, with an additional bench of 3, rock-paper-scissors kind of system. You’ll need strong Sujimon to get through this macro game and you’ll recruit new guys through four ways- through random fights on the map, through literal Pokemon GO raids, through a gacha system, and through combining Sujimon of the same type into stronger Sujimon (don’t think too hard about that one). I had a LOT of fun with this and, again, it scratched an itch I’ve had for a while. Almost all of the Sujimon are just guys you’ll fight in-game, so, again, an excellent use of asset reuse.

Sujimon smoothly integrates into Dondoko Island in a way that makes Palworld look even more balls-less than it already is. You know that little island I was talking about a few paragraphs back? That’s Dondoko Farm. You can put your Sujimon to work on it! As you’re running around on Dondoko Island, letting it consume your life, your Sujimon will grow crops, scrounge around for resources, and earn some cash for you. The island also has some resources to help with Sujimon League by leveling them up with a small investment of some dondoko bucks and your time, but also a Pokemon-Amie type mini-mini game that helps strengthen the friendship of your current Sujimon team.

Yes.

This game lets you pet-

The sweaty, weirdo middle-aged men.

Don’t think about it too hard.

Especially don’t think about it too hard when you have a Sujimon on your team that uses Xander Mobus’ voice clips.

Anyway, there’s also another minigame called Sicko Snap, which is basically Pokemon Snap with Sujimon. It’s a good one, too.

STORY

I guess… the best way I’d explain my feelings on Infinite Wealth’s story is

Objectively, this is an okay story. Like, it’s par for the course for a Yakuza game. I have a lot of personal grievances with this plot which I’ll fully unsheathe my blade for in the next section, but for now I’ll just say… this game is basically Hawaii Five-O crammed into a Yakuza game and that was an emotional rollercoaster ride that I’m not sure I enjoyed.

Like a Dragon’s main theme is “Even if you hit rock bottom, it’s never too late to get back up again” and that’s something I hold near and dear to my heart.

They have used this theme to my benefit and to my dismay as this also apparently means it’s never too late for ~*Romance*~ which, sure, yeah, okay, true, but did it have to be Ichiban and Saeko?

I’m trying to give the game the benefit of the doubt because… to me, it’s mostly one-sided (as in, like, Saeko’s willing to give him a chance, but isn’t as crazy for Ichiban as he is for her) and, like, dude is allowed to have a crush. But from what I have seen… because I never got around to finishing her Drink Link (I was gonna but I’m like really burned out on the game), they kinda strap C4 to the Bechdel Test and raze a village to the ground with it when it comes to Saeko’s character arc because most of her dialogue and interactions are about The Incident with Ichiban, which sucks because she had more character than just a romance interest for the protagonist in the previous game. If you’re also REALLY not into this plot point like I am, the story DOES NOT let you forget that this indeed happened as it seems to be a plot thread that might continue into the next game as well.

Needless to say, I don’t ship it, and I don’t get to block tags and just walk away from this one.

The game also kinda keeps nudging at, “Hehe, Chitose’s pretty cute too, right?” to which I say

Yes I understand she’s of legal age but she’s only like 21 AT MOST and Ichiban’s like 40-something you stop with that.

It doesn’t feel like Ichiban really had a character arc in this… unless you count “proposing on the first date” to “saying I love you on a redo and then being weird about it again” as character growth. He went to Hawai’i, had some shenanigans, found mom, got backstabbed again, fought the cult (which I’ll be really salty about in the next section), went back home to help Eiji’s character arc. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just… Ichiban went on another adventure. And it was ok. I think maybe the game was sizing him up to, again, take Kiryu’s place and be The Hero, but… we already did that already? And I’m not even sure if the game was able to complete that message by the end of the game.

Kiryu probably got the most character development out of this game and talking this over with my friend Andrew, he brought up that it kinda wasn’t fair that this is supposed to be Ichiban’s game, but he had to share half of it with Kiryu. And I agree. His sections were also really hard to get into if you haven’t been a longtime fan. Again, I have a decent amount of Yakuza knowledge, but with Kiryu’s memories, a LOT of it went over my head. It seems like RGG’s been trying to retire him as a protagonist for like three games now and MAYBE this time they’ll actually do it after this victory lap they’ve given him. But he did learn that “my friends are my power” and “never ever give up, you still have time to do better.” And you know what, that’s rad.

As far as the villains go, just, I dunno, they’re fine? Ebina and Eiji are very “okay bitch, stay mad, then,” and it’s. Fine? My only complaint is that Ebina’s arc felt like it was under-seasoned before they put it in the oven to cook and they could’ve peppered it on a little earlier in the game or something. Bryce’s entire deal I may have taken a little too personally, but that’s for later. Dwight was literally just Danny Trejo doing a villain role and I have absolutely no qualms with it. He was fun to watch.

The supporting cast was fun as always. Eric I hated at first, but he grew on me in the same way that, like, I’d bully a friend. Chitose I also kinda hated at first, was very sus of, but then she had a character arc that was pretty good. The Yokohama gang didn’t really have character arcs to them, but they were still fun to hang out with nonetheless. We got to learn a little bit more about Seonhee and she’s really fun. Both her and Zhao, who is my favorite for several reasons, are really really fun characters as they are both crime bosses (former, in Zhao’s case) who are BIG FUCKING WEIRDOS and I love them for it.

Joongi Han becomes a party member WAY too late in my opinion that, in a way, he’s technically an optional party member, or at least like getting a Dratini right before the Pokemon League in Gold/Silver/Crystal. He had some fun character moments, but felt kinda like an afterthought.

But also, ain’t no way he got his Hawai’i clothes at Hilo Hattie. There’s no way.

To wrap up my thoughts on the main story, I’d just like to say: the plot point that they sailed to Japan on a little tugboat in a handful of hours as opposed to WEEKS is peak Hawaii Five-O vibes and it infuriates me, but everyone kept telling me “it’s okay, the coast guard picked them up, like, halfway” and I will sit down and not start a fistfight over it. And just. That was the vibe of the game for me. Just… alternating between a J-Drama and Hawaii Five-O.

I don’t really have much to say about the substories except that they’re either almost Oscar-worthy material or they’re a snoozefest that I just tabbed through. I can really only think of three substories off the top of my head that were EXCELLENT, though - Nancy and Olivia, the artificial snow quest (THIS ONE IS EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH), and the traveling aquarium one. The rest I mostly just tabbed through because they were just……. Eh. But I think I’m okay with that since we have Sujimon and Dondoko to make up for it.

THE CULTURAL GRIEVANCES

So as I type this section out, I run my hands over my face to remind myself and say

This is a game that takes place in Hawai’i from a Japanese perspective, written primarily for a Japanese audience and I assume that certain things may come from a place of ignorance, but not maliciousness.

Hey Tumblr.

I want you to read that first bolded sentence again.

Because I know how you guys are with reading comprehension.

But that being said, as a Hawai’i-born Chinese person, there’s quite a lot about the Hawai’i cultural aspects of this game that I have problems with. If you wanna see me roast this game, you can stick around, but if not… Here is your chance to bail.

I’ve tried my best to write this in a way where I look at the thing that pissed me off and ask myself, “Am I taking this too seriously or do I actually have a problem with it?” and write more or less objectively, but some of it might still come off as overly caustic. Just. I tried.

And after a deep breath,

Ho brah,

We go.

WHAT IS HAWAIIAN CULTURE, ANYWAY?

To start off, I’m not sure if RGG knows the difference between being a Hawai’i local and actually being of Hawaiian blood…? The game mentions at the very beginning that Akane is half-Japanese… and half-Hawaiian, which makes Ichiban one-fourth Hawaiian, which makes ME kinda… squint. Like, we’d need to know more about Akane’s backstory, but if you know anything about indigenous cultures, finding someone who’s half native is HARD nowadays. Akane also looks pretty light skinned for someone who’s allegedly half-Japanese, half-Hawaiian but that’s just my tiny nitpick?

I’m also… not sure what kinda research RGG did on Hawaiian last names because some of the ones I see on random enemies are kinda…

Who is that

What is that

I have never seen anyone named that in my entire life

Sure, my worldview is a little shut in, but, no, what IS that?

Mililani is not a last name, that’s a neighborhood, why’s she Lani Mililani?

WHAT IS THAT?

The pidgin in the game is also there, but… small kine hit or miss. For those of you who don’t know, pidgin is Hawai’i’s creole, which came from a bunch of cultures who don’t speak the same language eventually falling into a kitbashed language system that works for everyone. Looking at the VA listing in the credits, they did hire some local people (they have Hawaiian names) and some of the VO performances work really well like Obispo in the restaurant side story and the cab driver dialogue that ONLY comes up in the Japanese audio version of the game for some reason. Others… are… hm (I don’t know what’s going on with Jeff the taco truck guy). I feel like the voice director got the intonation on the line reads down pretty well, but on the localization side, the syntax and grammar are a little off. Pidgin tends to come off as “broken english,” but it’s technically not since it’s its own language system with its own rules. So you have a lot of line reads that are in the right inflection, but the way it’s written is wrong for pidgin dialogue.

And it just doesn’t sound 100% right to me.

There’s also some… small pronunciation nitpicks that I have. Ukulele is pronounced the white way - it’s not Yooka-Laylee like the Chameleon and Bat, it’s ook-oo-leh-leh like Tapu Lele, the Pokemon. Some characters pronounce Hawai’i as huh-why and not ha-wuh-ee, which is more right (it’s SUPPOSED to be ha-vai-ee but I’m not native Hawaiian and this is kind of an axolotl situation so, y’know).

But shout-outs to the “Whatchu lookin’ at?” line guy.

Because that one is just, no notes, perfect.

NOTHING CAN BE NORMAL, I GUESS

Something that rubbed me the wrong way in this game is the mystification of a culture that’s foreign to you, that is, taking a culture that’s not yours and describing or representing it in such a way that it sounds so deviant and hard to comprehend compared to the one you’re used to. Think of that one tweet where someone describes hamburgers like a white person would describe asian fruit.

There's the lei substory where the girl needs to make a lei with blue plumerias (which does not exist by the way) because there’s an urban legend that if you give a blue plumeria lei to someone, it’s a way of confessing your true love. Lei are just… things you give as, like, a “congrats!” kind of a thing. Or if you wanna be touristy about it, a “welcome!” kind of gift. There’s nothing mystical about it, most grocery stores stock a few that you can just pick up, grab and go style.

The entire game mechanic of “shaka to make friends” was so?? Like maybe after 8 hours into the Hawai’i map, I was like, okay, I’ll just… fine. I’ll accept it. But my god did I not appreciate it when Kson came up to me and was like “what’s a motherfucker gotta do around here to make some friends” and told me how FRIENDLY the Hawaiian people were and how you can just throw a shaka to make friends; while me, probably the saltiest, introverted Hawai’i local that throws stink-eye at tourists who can’t watch where they’re going, playing the video game on that day was like, “We don’t fucking do that, hello??” I don’t even know why we shaka?? Most people you ask that question will just be like “idk it’s the local thing, they do it at the end of the 5pm news on KHON2.”

There’s a substory in this game with a character named Nathan, but we were all calling him racist Alpharad because he kinda looks like him (ALPHARAD HIMSELF IS NOT RACIST OR IN THIS GAME I WANNA CLARIFY THAT) and he’s basically, like… a weeb. He’s recording what seems like a PBS special on Japanese tourists in Hawai’i, but he’s kind of a shitter about it. He makes Ichiban choose between local foods and cold-ass rice and becomes upset when he chooses kalua pork over the rice since it wasn’t The Japanese Option. It escalates to making Ichiban play darts with shuriken and when he loses, he tells him to “live up to his dishonor,” slides him a knife and board, and asks him if he wants to take a finger or hara-kiri. To which Ichiban goes “dude, I get you like Japanese culture, but you can’t treat people this way”

To which I look back at the game like

You clearly understand how this feels, so why are you doing this to Hawaiian culture?

Again, I understand that a lot of this game was written with maybe just ignorance, and not malice, and this isn’t really a call-out post to RGG or anything, but BOY…

Okay.

Now we get to my biggest gripe with this game.

PALEKANA CAN SUCK MY NUTS

I’m kinda disappointed in their choice to use a Hawaiian cult as a plot point. It’s not quite a native savages kind of a vibe, but… In the year of our lord 2024, I thought we would know better than to portray an indigenous religion as a bloodthirsty cult? I also don’t like how they’re conflating the Hawaiian religion with what’s more like a Christian/Catholic cult in this.

Palekana is portrayed as “cultists who worship a goddess who lives in a mystical land, forbidden only to her chosen and maybe one day we’ll be worthy of her blessings.” Hawaiian religion is… not… like that at all? They did get the part about “giving back to the community” correct as a part of Hawaiian culture is mālama ‘aina, meaning, you need to care for the land you live on, which is… reasonable? I guess the other basic idea of Hawaiian religion is that certain places, things, and times that are important, and you shouldn’t touch it unless you wanna fuck around and find out. But the game just kinda wildly overboils this.

Like, I don’t claim to be an expert, I’ve only scraped the basics from what I learned in school (a year’s worth of Hawaiiana lessons in middle school, a semester’s worth in college; went to a private Catholic school, took two world religion classes in college), but Palekana has a very Catholic European religion kind vibe instead of a Hawaiian one. And I really, really don’t like that the game conflates the two. The Palekana cultists wear hoods, which is a distinctly European thing (it’s too hot for hoods here!). The beaded necklaces also seem more like rosaries, which, again, very Catholic. The idea that a god-figure will save you is also a VERY Catholic idea. I’m also assuming the goddess Nele that they use in the game is an expy for Pele, which… okay, like, you can do that with locations. Ala Moana Shopping Center represented as Anaconda Mall in the game hurts me a lot, but… to change up the name of the most prominent deity in Hawaiian religion is like

Dude, I’m not Hawaiian, but I know better than to shit on Pele?

Maybe I’m taking this a little too seriously, but it comes off as a little(??) disrespectful.

To give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe RGG wrote this plot point in this way to be like, well, they’re the villains, so we’ll write them so hyperbolically evil and wrong so people won’t mistake that for the actual culture? But my gut reaction is that they’re only writing from what they’ve seen in the movies and they wanted to make a story like that.

This was my least favorite part of the plot because not only does the cult aspect feel like it’s in bad taste, but it’s SO MUCH of the story and you REALLY can’t get away from it.

Alright. So now that I’ve aired that out of my system, I’m finally capping off this section with the part of the game that hit the closest to me and that is

CHINESE IN HAWAI’I

Listen. Again.

This is a story about Hawai’i, written by a Japanese team, for a Japanese audience.

Yakuza is a series that often talks about the racial conflict between the Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans. And I don’t expect them to portray any of these groups in anything more than a neutral light in this game about Gang Crime.

But ohhhhh my gooooood did they get the Chinatown section so wroooooooong.

Right off the bat, the big glaring problem I have with this game is. All the guys speak Mandarin. I think they might just be reusing voice clips from Yakuza 7, which, sure, fine, I understand that video games are hard to make and expensive.

In Hawai’i, like, real-world Hawai’i, not the bizzaro Hawai’i this game takes place in, we’re definitely starting to see more Mandarin-speaking immigrants show up, but most of the town speaks Cantonese.

Most of the people here a generation or two above me come from Guangdong or Hong Kong, which are Cantonese-speaking areas. It’s an entirely different dialect that’s really only been represented in small bits in media I’m familiar with, like in Jackie Chan Adventures (the uncle’s chant is basically “no more ghosts, get out of here” in Cantonese) and Digimon Tamers (“Moumentai” is “it’s okay/don’t worry about it” in Cantonese), and it seems really hard to get VAs that speak it, so I’m not… really that mad about it.

BUT. Then there’s Wong Tou.

Wong is the Cantonese pronunciation of 黄 , Huang or Hwang in Mandarin.

So like… clearly they knew?? But?? Decided not to go all in on it??

(And then Daniel Dae Kim is his face model and I just??? Bro’s Korean, hello?????)

And then there’s the name of Wong Tou’s gang. The Ganzhe.

Which is a stupid name.

The Chinese dictionary gives me 甘蔗 which translates to sugarcane, which. I get it. The plantation times. The Chinese and the Japanese and the Filipinos and the Portuguese and whatever all used to work on the cane plantations.

…But you’re out here calling your BIG KNIFE GANG “Sugarcane??”

My guy, you could start a reggae band with that name instead.

SPEAKING OF REGGAE-

No one knows how to pronounce Ganzhe properly besides Eric’s VA apparently? All the other VAs pronounce the gan closer to “van” when it’s supposed to be more like a “gone.”

Yes. That’s right.

Ganzhe is pronounced more like ganja.

You know.

The Marajuanas™

I’m a Hawai’i-born Chinese, first-generation local on my mom’s side and third-gen local on my dad’s. I grew up in Chinatown, so this was a section of the game that was near and dear to my heart. So I THINK and HOPE you’d understand my frustration to see that work needed to be done on the representation of my culture in this game. It was definitely a little fun to see my hometown modeled in this game- they got Maunakea Marketplace and Keikaulike Mall down pretty accurately and some of the motifs on the buildings made me do a double take because they were so familiar to me. BUT, man, this cultural aspect of the game needed A LOT of work.

SO TO FINALLY CLOSE THIS OUT

Japanese people love Hawai'i a lot.

I think Japanese people love Hawai'i more than Hawai'i locals do.

But as for portraying it accurately, I understand that no one can do it as well as a local islander can. Did I personally think they did the best they could?

………………ehh

Like, if you turn your brain off, it's fine??

If you turn your brain off and not let Palekana get to you, this game is fine.

It can be a little campy.

It can be a little Hollywood.

It can be a little Disneyland.

And despite my four pages of bitching about it, at the end of the day. It is fine.

So with that, I’ve hit like ten full pages on this Google Doc. Despite half of this review being me complaining about what they got wrong about Hawai’i culture in this game, I liked it a lot! When the game didn't have me strapped down for an episode of a J-drama or Hawaii Five-O, I liked running around town, fighting guys, making other guys fight other guys, and managing a resort island. If anything, this game actually motivated me a little to make more local-themed stuff, because as I notice people getting older, there’s less and less people to correctly preserve highly specific culture stuff like this. So a lot of that responsibility falls on me, y’know?

Thank you for making it to the end of this review! I know it was a lot. I don’t know what happened. I do recommend this game, but I ask that you do NOT finish the game with the takeaway that you have learned everything there is to know about Hawai’i.

I’ll fight you with a lawn chair (in Minecraft, for the FBI agent reading this) if you do that.

Other than that, I think you’ll have a lot of fun but also take your time because this game is, like, a 100 hour commitment. Not Persona 5 Royal long, but a commitment nonetheless.

#like a dragon #like a dragon infinite wealth #pickle art #sure uhh I guess I will put this in the tag #IF YOU FOUND THIS VIA THE TAG AND YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GAME #HI HELLO I DO TOO I JUST HAVE SOME STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT THE CULTURAL ACCURACY OF MY HOMETOWN #PLEASE DON'T YELL AT ME YOU CAN STILL ENJOY IT #anyway I've had this sitting around for like... most if not all of march #and I finally got the spoons to put the finishing touches on it #and come to terms that I'm probably not opening the game back up anytime soon

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