#also I think I'm addicted to using those shoes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

billthedrake · 8 days

Text

MY SON THE PORN STAR (PART FIVE)

I tried not to go wild. I still was married and still had my normal corporate guy life in Kansas City.

But doing porn turned out to be addictive. It was the combination of a deep exhibitionist streak I was discovering in myself and the access to incredibly hot men willing to suck me or get fucked by my big tool. It made me feel like a total stud... less middle-aged, I guess.

And work trips were the perfect cover. I really was doing the road warrior thing for my company, so I wasn't lying to Kate THAT much. But I did sometimes add a night to my travels.

Like the week after Easter. I had a business trip to Denver, but I added an extra evening and squeezed in a quick connector flight to San Francisco on my dime with miles. Muscle Pup Mike, my son's friend and escort/pornstar buddy, set me up with a versatile OnlyFans star there. I shot two scenes with him, actually, one oral, one with me masked as we had a nice, long 50-minute fuck scene. I didn't feel a deep chemistry with Kevin, aka "Jeff Reed," but I felt a deep chemistry with the two cameras that were on us. Besides, sex with a muscular 28-year-old hunk was hard to beat.

Turns out, the next night would beat it. I flew to Denver bright and early in the morning and had my sales meeting all day. I was rolling my business-style carry on into my hotel room right around dinner. I undid my tie and sat down to unlace my shoes before calling Kate to check in.

Yeah, I felt pretty bad knowing I was stepping out behind her back. I'd deal with that guilt later. Either stopping porn cold turkey or making a break or separation with my wife. At this point I wasn't ready to do either.

I wasn't a frequent poster, but managed a video every 2-3 weeks. And I had a growing following of fans willing to pay a modest subscription for just that. Sure, I got some comments complaining that I never took my mask off, but apparently I had the body and blond-furred looks a lot of guys went for. And my cock size helped - a lot. I was careful about not talking on camera, or I just edited those parts out, but I'd learned to be verbal with my grunts, to show appreciation for my sucker/bottom and to let viewers get that thrill. It worked.

I sat, alone in that quiet hotel room, thinking just how wild my double life had become, and I fiddled with my phone again. Chicago was an hour ahead and now would probably be a good time to call. I pulled up Travis's contact and FaceTimed him.

"Hey Dad," my son greeted.

"Hey," I said, leaning back and feeling my boner ride up in the crotch of my trousers. "I didn't catch you at a bad time, I hope?"

"Nah," he said. "Just getting back from the gym." Indeed, he had a workout zip-up on and I could see the familiar kitchen from his condo in the back.

"All sweaty?" I teased.

That got a laugh out of my son. He was surprised how horny I was sometimes, how much I'd leaned into this weird affair we had going on. "Something like that. How'd your shoot go?"

"Real well," I replied. "Kevin is a real professional. Made it easy."

"Just a professional?" Travis asked, with a teasing smile on his cute face.

"Just fucking," I said. "Not a ton of chemistry, I'm afraid, but I think I got some good footage for the next two vids." I'd always sent Travis the digital files via encryption, and he did the editing magic on the material. As amazing as my son was at being on-screen talent, he also had a knack for making great porn behind the camera.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Dad," he said. "But I think you're a natural adult performer."

I smiled. "Is that what the kids call it?" I joked.

That made my son laugh. I loved seeing and hearing his laugh. "OK... you're a natural porn star, Dad.... You know, it's really hot to say that. I get so hard watching you perform, you know."

My throat got dry. Travis knew how to work me up. "Jesus, Trav. You have no idea how much I've watched your videos."

That made my son laugh again, those dimples forming. "I have a pretty good idea, Dad. You've told me before."

"I lied," I teased. "I figured if I told you the real number, you'd get freaked out."

"Turned on is more like it, Dad," Travis said. "Why don't you show me how much you like em. You hard now?"

"Rock hard," I said. I turned the phone down to show off the rod forming a ridge in my trousers.

"Fuck," Travis hissed. "My dad has a real porn star dick. I have a shoot in a couple of hours. I'll definitely be thinking of your cock."

"Who's it with?" I asked. This was the wild phase Trav and I were at now. Father and son, lovers, flirts, and professional colleagues in the adult entertainment business.

"Bud and Spike," he said. I recognized the screen names of two muscle daddies from Dallas, into the more hardcore stuff.

I made a wince of an expression. "Go easy with those guys, buddy," I said. "For real." I felt strangely protective of my son. Which was weird, because in general he was the one looking out for me as I began doing porn more regularly.

Travis smiled. "I will, Dad. Promise. We're planning a more vanilla scene than they normally do." He gave me a wink. "Listen, I gotta go get ready, actually."

"All right, buddy," I said. I wished we had time for some phone sex because just talking to Travis was turning me on big time. "I can't wait to see your scene. And I'll be in Chicago in a couple of weeks. We'll catch up then, OK?"

"You bet, Dad," he said. "Love ya."

"Love ya, too, Big Guy."

We hung up.

I let out a hiss of air. I was horny now. Turns out "Jeff Reed" hadn't drained me. I did have a back up idea. There was some University of Colorado kid who'd been emailing me on the anon account Travis set up for me and linked to my OnlyFans. Call me a narcissist, but I'd been eating up the fan mail, and something about this college dude Bryan won me over. Maybe it was the pics he sent. Cute as fuck, brown haired, boy-next-door looks. And the nude pics that showed a surprisingly built body for a college kid - either a jock or someone who hit the college gym regularly. Smooth body with just a dusting of a treasure trail, creamy white skin, washboard abs, hard cock, amazing bubble ass.

Or maybe it was the request that I hit him up if I was ever in the Denver area.

So far I'd only done pro-amateur porn stars in the OF circuit my son and MusclePup Mike worked in. Some of it was the self-justification that it wasn't fully emotional cheating, just porn I was doing. Some of it was caution. All the arrangements went through Mike and because of my mask, no one knew my identity.

But I was horny now and sent this Bryan kid a message. I didn't expect a reply, but it was worth a shot. I set down my phone and undressed to take a quick shower. It was only 6:30, but it had been a long day.

There was a message waiting for me. "God yes, man," Bryan wrote. "I could be there in about an hour and a half," he wrote. Then almost nervously, there was a follow up. "God, I must seem overly eager. But fuck you're so hot. Let me know what works for you."

"How bout 8:30?" I typed back and gave my hotel name and room number. I wanted to get some food in me.

"Awesome. Yeah. See you soon," came the almost immediate reply.

I had only business casual clothes packed, so I got dressed to grab a bite at a restaurant near my hotel. I got back to my room with about ten minutes to spare. I brushed my teeth and checked my appearance in the mirror. I wasn't crazy about getting older, I had to admit, but I could see the "DILF" look that Travis and Mike were always raving about. Well-preserved was the expression, I suppose.

I was actually a little nervous when I heard the knock. I had no business fooling around with a guy like this. Not making a porn vid but actually having a cheating hook up. The messed up thing is that most guys would consider the videos a worse infraction, but this felt naughtier in a way.

Bryan looked great. Better than great. He was cuter than his pictures, and I think his nerves made him more attractive to me. He forced a smile but was shaking.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I smiled. "Come in, bud."

He was shorter than me, and his size made his collegiate muscle look more compact on his build. Maybe not collegiate wrestler exactly, but definitely that wrestler body type. A little thick, even. MusclePup Mike would have called him a twunk.

"I didn't know what you'd look like," Bryan said softly. His gray eyes were taking me in.

I remembered now he'd never seen me outside of my videos, all masked up. "You came over anyway," I observed.

"Oh yeah," he enthused. "You're my favorite porn star, hands down." He blushed but didn't stop gushing. "You probably know this... I guess most guys don't pay to watch your videos, but I subscribed to your site so I could email you."

"For real?" I laughed.

"Yeah," Bryan replied, that nervous smile growing bigger. "You're not on Twitter or Insta," he explained. His eyes swept up and down my frame. "God, you're even hotter in person. I knew you'd be hot, but... wow."

I was eating up his flattery. "You're not so bad yourself, buddy... bring it in..." I held up my arms to gesture him to come in for a kiss. He did. He was nervous and that turned me on for some reason. But once we started making out, Bryan got real into it, meeting my tongue with his, before practically sucking me into his mouth.

His hands were feeling it up, tentatively at first, then all over. He chuckled as he pulled back so he could feel me up better. I stood there and let his hands roam over my button-down shirt and the gym-toned muscle underneath. At that moment I was VERY glad for the personal trainer Travis set me up with.

"I hope you don't mind my saying," Bryan said, "But it's so wild to be with a porn star."

"Don't mind at all, buddy," I hissed. I was now experiencing the other thrill of doing porn. I knew I was into the exhibitionism of it all, but now I was feeling the hero worshop, the adoration of a young guy like this. I was rock hard.

He gulped as I reached down to undo my khakis, unzipping them and reaching in to haul out my dong. "I guess you really like my cock, then, huh?" I growled.

This wasn't me. At least it wasn't Brad Connors. Married father of three. Road warrior corporate guy. But being MaskedDaddy gave me the sexual confidence and freedom to be someone else.

"Fuck yeah," Bryan gasped as he saw my prick. "That cock's so fucking big..." His eyes were wide, taking in my size before he looked up at me. "OK, if I touch it?"

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't, buddy," I said. "That's why you came over isn't it?"

He nodded, like a chastised kid. Then tentatively he stepped in again and reached forward, like he was afraid of being branded by a hot poker. But once his fingers made contact, the hesitation was gone. The college dude circled his fingers and round me, griping my hardon and gently stroking a couple inches of it to get a feel of the girth and heft. "You don't know how much I've jerked off to your videos," he said. "I wasn't gonna admit to that you, but fuck...." His voice was heavy in his ragged breathing but still had that frat-bro collegiate kind of tone.

"I think we talked about you sucking that dick," I grunted. In our texts, Bryan had offered a blow job, and his presence now was making me really want this. In a surprising way, his realness was making me click with the college kid more than I did with a megahot porn star. Maybe it was the opposite of what Bryan was feeling, where he was living out his porn dream.

"Yeah," he nodded. But he gave me a sheepish shrug. "I, um, don't have a lot of experience."

I patted his cheek. "Give it your best, bud. Please. Daddy's really fucking horny." Yep, this was porn me talking, but it was the magic words for Bryan, who couldn't get down on his knees fast enough.

The young stud actually whimpered as he pulled my dick to his face and began licking it. It was slobbery and impetuous, and his attempt to take me into mouth was more urgent than skilled.

"Easy, buddy..." I urged as he choked a little on my size. "Daddy's got a big cock... take your time."

He nodded and moaned around my prick, flashing those gray eyes up, a little teary. Fuck.

I wouldn't say he got the hang of, but he got a lot more comfortable. Slowly, he sucked me, a few inches at a time, working up the focus to get an extra one back into his throat. The young dude was so excited to blow me, and I was loving this. Slowly I stroked his hair and encouraged him. "That's it, sport... you don't need the training wheels do ya? You go right for the big ones. OH FUCK, that feels nice."

"Yeah?" Bryan asked as he spit out my cock and swallowed the excess spit. I could tell he wanted to make sure he was sucking me right, but more than that he struck me as a young man who craved positive feedback in sex.

"You're doing great, buddy," I said.

There was something about this connection which was night and day different than "Jeff Reed." Bryan was a real guy, a college stud eager for me and not just playing out sex for the camera. And yet...

"You interested in filming this, Bryan? It's SO hot to watch you, buddy."

I could see two reactions in his face at once. A fearful shock at the idea. And an excitement to even consider it. "Oh man," he responded, not giving me a hint which one was the bigger emotion.

I slowly stroked my rod in front of his face, working in his spit over my dong and letting it get steel hard for his gaze. I had toyed with using viagra for my shoots, but even with my size I didn't have an issue getting real hard erections like this. I just loved sex too much.

"If it helps, I packed a spare mask," I offered.

Maybe another dude would have wondered why I had a mask with me, much less more than one mask. But Bryan had been used to seeing me in one, so maybe it just seemed normal to him.

"This is crazy," he said, his fearful look breaking into a smile.

"Is that a yes or a no?" I asked, gently tapping his cheek with my dong.

"Yes," he muttered excitedly before taking ne into his mouth once more.

I let him work me for a few seconds then pulled back. I went to my carryon back and retrieved the masks. I wouldn't need one, I suppose, but I tossed both over Bryan's way while I got my portable tripod, a compact digital camera, and a spare cameraphone, an old Iphone I used for extra handheld footage.

I was worried I was killing the mood setting everything up and fiddling with the lights. But I loved shooting porn, and if anything my dick was harder in anticipation with shooting a different kind of scene. Me with an amateur costar. Even if Bryan wasn't an experienced I just knew this would be a hot video. And if not, I'd enjoy jerking off to it.

Fortunately, Bryan seemed excited too. I could see the excitement in his eyes, even behind the mask. He'd taken his shirt off, maybe to be less identifiable but was on his knees still, hands braced on his thighs. "I can't believe I'm going to be in one of your vids," he said. Yeah, the dude was into this.

I sauntered back, my dick leading the way. "If you're not comfortable with the results, we don't have to post anything," I said, remembering how important that veto power was for my comfort level for my first vid with my son. "Otherwise, I'll take this as your consent."

"Got it," he nodded.

The second his lips touched my prick again, I let out a gasp. He looked up at me, excited, and I took in his green eyes looking up through the mask holes. I pointed the phone camera at him to capture that. I wasn't gonna shoot that angle the whole time, since I preferred to enjoy getting head instead of playing cameraman the whole time. But the snapshots of him looking up would add to the effect.

Bryan's technique wasn't better this time, but his enthusiasm had tripled, at least. I set down the phone and eased my stance back, my posture upright. I was still in my business casual attire as this horny college kid blew me. I urged him to go slower at first with a quick deep grunt.

I heard the guy moan around my meat as something relaxed in his throat and he was able to more steadily take more of my dong into his throat. Working me up and down, I reached behind his head and massaged his scalp through the mask, gently urging him deeper.

"Yes," I choked in response. "Suck me." I'd gotten pretty good at deguising my voice. Using my porn voice. "Suck Daddy."

That did it. Bryan pulled off for a quick breath, then descended all the way down. I'm a big guy, and even some of the OnlyFans studs had a hard time swallowing my sword. But they weren't feeling the crazy sexual thrill this kid was.

He held a second then it was too much, and he pulled off with a sputtering cough. I could see his eyes watering even through the mask holes.

"Sorry," he breathed, as he tried to regain composure.

"It's OK... take your time," I said in my normal voice. Travis would have to edit that out. All for the best. I gave Bryan a second to catch his breath and then I leaned down and met him for a sensual kiss.

"You're doing real good," I said. Then leaning up, I offered my hard dong again. It had gone down a little, but was still pretty heavy. "Ready for more?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah," he said, his gray eyes looking back up at me.

His mouth on me got me rock hard once more. I pulled out some to let the camera catch my full hardon, then pushed back in between his wet lips. Bryan was novice, but that was OK. I was turned on from a change of pace from the OnlyFans dudes. This was a real guy, young and eager. I let him suck and get into sucking.

"Yeah," I grunted, I ran my fingers through his hair again and took the chance to push him down on my meat some more.

Byran was up for the challenge. He grunted around my prick but his throat relaxed and swallowed more of my thickness.

I started cumming. I wanted to ride out the orgasm in his college kid's throat but instead I pulled out and shot a couple of jets onto his mask and his lips before pushing back in just a few inches to let him suckle the remaining dribbles of semen.

I caught my breath a half second then picked up the cameraphone again. I hadn't taken too much handheld footage, so now I got a good view of Bryan slurping on my sated meat, licking up and down and outright worshipping my cock. Thankfully I wasn't too sensitive after nutting, and even if I lost a little of my rigidity, my dick kept a heavy firm meatiness that looked good.

I finally pulled back and turned both cameras off. "You were amazing, buddy," I said with a smile.

Already Bryan was pulling his mask off. I was glad. The guy was real fucking cute. "Dream come true for me," he said.

I could tell he was still horned up and at full sexual arousal from servicing me. "Get on the bed, kiddo," I urged. "Lie back."

He didn't seem to know what was going on but he complied. His body was shaking some as I undid his jeans and yanked them down.

"What are we gonna do?" he asked with some apprehension. Still he raised each leg to let me pull off his jeans. And his boxers showed a thick boner beneath the cotton.

"Your turn to get off," I said, not really answering his question.

Still, Bryan nodded and hooked his thumbs in the elastic of his boxers to slide them down. I let him take them off as I stepped into the bathroom to get lube out of my toiletties bag.

Bryan was now lying back on the bed, fully naked, his creamy white muscle looking even better than I anticipated now that he was stripped nude.

"You an athlete?" I asked as I flipped open the cap on the lube.

Bryan's eyes were nervously only the lube. I think I knew what he was worried about, and a part of me enjoyed playing with his nervousness. I'll give him credit, he put on a brave face as his eyes met mine to answer me. "Yeah. Wrestling.""

My guess had been spot on. "It shows," I said. "You have an amazing body."

"Thanks," he said, watching me get on the bed, me making a show of drizzling some lube on his hardon. His dick twitched, untouched, he was so turned on. "You have more the football build."

"Baseball was my sport," I answered. "And golf. But my trainer has helped me bulk up."

"You're my fantasy," he said softly. "The whole package. None of the guys know I'm into this, though." I could read in his face that he wasn't sure if he should be getting emotionally open like this.

I patted his thigh and set down the lube on the night stand with my other hand. I was fully dress, with my cock sticking out of the fly of my khakis still. I wasn't sure I wanted to get off again, but I knew I could. Bryan was hot as fuck, and I was grooving on his clear attraction to me.

"A shame," I winked, trying to make the conversation sexy again. "Maybe you could have some fun. With you coach, too."

That got a laugh from him. Bryan had a sexy smile. "I've definitely thought of Coach. A lot."

I rubbed his legs some more more, outright caressing them now. His quads were solid as fuck, hard brawn that contrasted with the soft collegiate fur. I copped a feel of his ball sac, lightly haired and ran my fingers up the lubey length of his shaft.

"Lift your legs, bud," I urged, my tone friendly even as my words were commanding.

He got that deer in the headlights look. "I've never done this," Bryan said softly.

I had a good idea what he meant. "You a virgin?" I asked. My eyes doing their best friendly look I could manage as I played with his hard dick and his balls. Not stroking him, more exploring his rigid younger dick. Getting him excited to play more.

"For fucking, yeah..." he replied. "Sorry."

I don't think I realized till then how much I wanted to tap this hot wrestler's ass. Maybe his innocence was fueling some of my desire, too. "Not gonna do anything you're not ready for buddy," I said. "Come on, just lift your legs for Daddy."

Maybe that was the magic word, because Bryan leaned back and raised his legs up.

"You can pull em back," I instructed, taking a good look before leaning forward and crouching down.

"Holy FUCK!" the kid gasped at the first swipe of my tongue. His hair down there was light, and I enjoyed the contrast with hairier guys or even the OnlyFans dudes who shaved smooth. It was a delight to lick up and down the trench and then focus more on his tight pucker.

"Jesus," Bryan gasped. He wasn't naturally verbal, but I could tell his mind was being blown. Surprised, maybe a little ticklish but he definitely loved getting rimmed.

I pulled back. That ring was drum tight all right. It made me realize I'd never eaten out a cherry hole before. My son's certainly wasn't virgin. "Go ahead and stroke off," I urged. I relished the ability to speak in my normal voice now that the cameras were off, even as some of my Masked Daddy persona came out anyway. "I want you to come kiddo."

I watched as he excitedly gripped his boner and start to stroke it. Then I dove back in. Not just rimming but fully eating him out, munching the tightness of his asshole.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," the kid gasped. I knew his orgasm was starting. I held onto the back of his meaty thighs and even pushed back a little to angle him perfectly to got to town with my tongue and my sucking mouth.

"NMNGGH!" came the grunt of his cum. Bryan's whole body was tensing up and I knew he was giving up his load in a big way.

Indeed as I pulled back I saw that beautiful creamy white wrestler muscle sprayed with splotches of his sperm. I began licking it up off his abs and chest, saving it in my mouth before I finally met him in a kiss to share it.

The snowballing caught him by surprise but he was way into it, accepting his own cum then pushing it back into my mouth, our tongues working it back and forth and frothing it up with our own saliva.

He had a big, content smile on his face when finally parted, swallowing what little seed was left on our tongues. "I thought..." he started then stopped himself.

"I know, buddy," I said. I patted his chest gently. "I won't lie... I came THIS close to pushing your boundaries."

He nodded, emotionally raw. I could tell he half wanted me to. But only half. "I know. I don't know how, but I could tell."

His hand reached up and ran along my arm through my button down shirt. "I'll probably be kicking myself for not going all the way. But I wasn't ready," he said.

"It was all great, buddy," I assured him.

"I should go," he said. "I got a long drive back to Boulder."

I pulled back and gave him one last pat as I eyed up his nakedness one more time. Bryan was the real deal. Not a "jock" for pay. I felt a strange emotional connection even with the sexual chemistry. I'd have to process why I was feeling that.

For now, I let him up and I went to piss while he got dressed again. When I stepped back from the bathroom, he was mostly dressed again, and had a dreamy, moody expression.

"Thanks for that... fuck I don't even know your name."

"Will 'Daddy' do?" I asked with a wink.

"Guess it will have to," he said with resignation. "You've made my dream come true."

I stepped up for a final kiss, then I showed him to the hotel room door.

***

I was glad Bryan didn't sleep over. I needed a good rest and I had a busy schedule with my client visit the next day.

It felt like naughty fun messaging Bryan when I got a chance, though. It started off with "had a great time" kind of texts, but Bryan admitted how he wished he'd gone all the way.

"Maybe if you're in town again, I'll have the courage," he admitted.

"I'm in town another night if you manage to get that courage, kiddo."

There was silence on his end. Like an hour and a half before I got another text, and even then it was a half hour before I had a break after my afternoon presentation.

"Sorry," Bryan wrote. "Was in class and my prof goes apeshit if we're on our phones LOL."

I texted. "I worried I'd spooked you."

This time the reply was quicker. "Dude, you don't know how horny I've been all day. You're definitely not spooking me."

I bit my lip and looked around. I probably looked like I was doing business texts on my phone. But fuck I was getting horny too. Somehing about this Bryan kid got under my skin. "Is that a yes?" I wrote. "You gonna give me your cherry?"

I was pushing boundaries now for sure, but Bryan seemed up for it now, more than the previous night. "I wanna. Yeah."

"Daddy wants to get in your hole SO bad, buddy." Then, "I'll go easy on you."

"God yes," came his reply. "I'm hard as fuck now."

God this was gonna happen. One more boundary to push. "Will you let me fuck you on camera?"

There was a pause now. Then, "Masked?"

"As you like," I wrote, almost hoping Bryan wouldn't wear one, even if I knew he would. To coax him, I added, "I'll tell you my first name if you let me film us."

"Deal. LOL."

I looked up. Folks were filing back into the conference room. I hoped my chubbed cock wouldn't show. "I gotta go. But maybe plan for 8:30? I have a work dinner before."

"God yes. I can't believe we're going to do this."

"We're going to do it, Kiddo." I assured him. "I want you so bad."

I got a blushing emoji in return and had to smile. "All right," he wrote. "Talk later."

I went into my meeting and was able to get my mind off Bryan's creamy smooth wrestler build and his cherry hole. Somehow.

I checked my messages after we wrapped up, before heading off to a business dinner. It was close to my hotel thankfully and these things never ran late. I hoped to see a message from Bryan, but there was nothing.

I did google some instructions for preparing to bottom. With the OnlyFans guys and my own son, that routine was down pat, but a newbie like Bryan could use some guidance, and I wanted the ease and comfort of topping a clean hole. I forwarded the site to Bryan.

I held off to one glass of wine during dinner. I wanted a clear head for later. By 7:40 I'd paid the check on my corporate card and bid good night to my client contacts. I had to laugh at myself by how excited I was to get back to my hotel. I did have time to stop at an office supply store and pick up a spare small camera. I figured this scene would be worth the extra vantage point.

Bryan texted when he was on his way. I stripped down from my business clothes and hung them up in the closet. I was rock hard already, and dripping in anticipation. I hadn't felt this excited since my last time with my son. I took a quick shower and put on the plush hotel robe, tying it to cover up my midsection.

I spent the rest of the time setting up the cameras. The lighting wasn't perfect but it was enough.

The knock made me realize I was a little nervous myself. I'd gotten comfortable doing porn, maybe a little too comfortable, but taking Bryan's cherry felt like a certain responsibility. I wanted it to be an incredible experience for him, and I was realizing I was totally green when it came to easing a guy out of his virginity.

Still, the sight of him made my heart beat. He was just so fucking cute and hunky. Particularly was we realized each other was nervous.

"Hey, Daddy," he said stepping in.

"Brad," I said. "You can call me Brad. Or Daddy," I smirked.

Our kiss was soft, surprisingly soft given the act we were about to do.

"You good for his, buddy?" I asked, running my hands along his outer arms.

He nodded. "I'm nervous as hell, but I'll be kicking myself if I don't do it."

"You feel like stripping down?" I asked. "There's a mask for you on the table."

I pulled mine on and then went around made sure all the cameras were on. I was pleased to see Bryan's naked body, that thick muscle lean and compact with just a dusting of hair. God, even with that build he looked every bit the 20 year old he was. Like I say, the real deal.

And I was doubly pleased to see him throwing hard. That thick five spike standing up from his lightly furred crotch, nerves notwithstanding. I watched him pull on his mask. It was a shame the viewers wouldn't see how cute he was but his body rounded out that college jock look for sure.

I pointed the camera at him. "So... we're about to have sex for a video that will be released through OnlyFans. Do you agree for me to share what I film?"

I half expected some questions, but he just nodded. "Yes."

"Good boy," I said with a laugh. That made Bryan chuckle, too, which made me glad. "Why don't you lie on the bed, face down?"

I could sense his nervousness. Maybe he anticipated face to face for his first time. "Don't worry buddy, I'll ease you into this."

He nodded silently and then complied, walking over to the hotel bed, while I filmed him with his natural jock gait. It was hot as fuck, seeing him strut and that ass of his work. Then his full body stretching out face down.

The other cameras would get a good angle - one angled on each side nightstand, the other from behind where I stood, just a little off to the side. I held the camera phone as I stepped closer, letting the camera rove over his strong back and amazing ass, up and down his legs. Maybe more jock-worship footage than we'd use, but Travis could work his magic.

Finally, I stepped back and propped the camera phone off to the side. maybe it would work for another angle. Bryan turned back to look at me, and I got off on how his back muscle flexed with his motion. Stepping up, I ran my hands along his calves, working up the length as I climbed on the bed.

I knew I'd be in good view of the cameras now as I kissed from one side of his hamstrings to the other knotted leg. I took my time working my way up.

Bryan was ready for the rim job now. Hiking his ass up, he parted his legs enough to let me in. My hands gripped his buns and did the rest.

The college kid's sigh was deep and sexual as I began licking. I wanted to put on a show. I loved rimming a guy and sometimes felt there was never enough of it in porn videos. It was always a quick lick before the top was lining up. I went full in now, eating out Bryan for a solid five to ten minutes, alternating speed and tonguework. Sometimes Bryan relaxed and let me do my magic, sometimes he bucked up against my face to maximize the contact.

I pulled back and with a hungry growl gave him a light pat. "Turn over," I urged in my deeper voice. Spittle wetted down the chin of my mask. I really wished he and I could do it without these, but the masks allowed us to fuck on camera, both of us.

I was amazed to see Bryan's prick hard and leaking clear sap everywhere. He was majorly turned on. I pulled up enough to let the cameras get a good view of his ripped, modestly jacked body.

"How many guys have fucked you?" I asked tersely. I sure hoped the "MaskedDaddy" voice was enough fo a disguise.

Bryan didn't change his voice, but his soft response was sexy as hell. "No one yet," he said.

I leaned in and kissed him. Just enough sexual urge, and enough romantic finesse. Bryan responded in turn, sucking my tongue into his mouth and moaning against me. He was nervous, sure, but also getting the case of the major horns.

I loved this, putting on a show and yet connecting one-to-one with this fine young man. I pulled up and muttered, "nice," patting his chest. I rolled off to the side and undid my robe. My hardon bounded out and both Bryan and the camera could see my exposed body with its blond fur. I pulled him to me and we started making out again.

Silently I guided him down and the kid knew what to do. Slowly he began kissing and worshipping my big prick, wetting it down with his tongue before taking me into his mouth. Practice hadn't made perfect, but he was getting much more accustomed to my size and better at blowing me.

I was determined not to get overheated. I just lay back and enjoyed this, the sensation of Bryan's soft, slow blowjob and the view of his nakedness kneeling in front of me in servicing position.

Soon, though, it was feeling too good. I nudged him off. He came up to meet me for a kiss, taking the initiative now, until I regained the upperhand in rolling him back on his back, with me on top. I could feel his hardon against mine and the warmth from his body.

Placing my mouth at his ear, I whispered, "You like being a porn star too, dont ya kiddo?"

"Yeah," he grunted back.

I knew I needed to be a little verbal with him. If the camera picked up my words, Travis could edit them out. "You're just about the hottest guy I've ever fucked, Bry."

His body actually shivered at that. The time seemed ripe. I lifted off and leaned over to pump out some lube.

He let out a hiss of air the second my greased fingers touched his pucker but he didn't flinch. Instead he spread his legs and looked into my eyes. This was gonna be good.

I pushed a digit in. Bryan was real fucking tight. But I worked him slowly. Back and forth, in and out.

"Another," I said curtly.

"God," he hissed as I penetrated him with two fingers. It wasn't bad-uncomfortable for him, but it was certainly unfamiliar to him. We stood still eyes locked, him lying back, me between his legs. Until I started finger fucking him again. I applied more lube and fingered him some more.

Finally I pulled back and removed my robe entirely, slipping it off my body and tossing it aside. Bryan's hands were on me, excited to feel up my DILF body. I let him. Between his attention and the cameras I was getting real excited. I was the one dripping now. I caught a thick thread of precum in my fingers and brought it down to his virgin hole. I fingered him up with that too.

The third finger was slow going, but I got him to relax.

"No rubber?" I have asked and half said.

"No sir," came his excited reply.

I was gonna get blue balls soon if I didn't fuck. I scooted up and pressed my prick head in place. I pressed super slow against his ring, working against the spit-slick tightness and smearing my precum against him.

I could feel Bryan's body shake beneath me, and he looked up, a real deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes beneath the mask. I worried if I waited longer his nerves would get the best of him. I pushed in.

"UNNH!" he whimpered loudly. I felt bad the entry hurt and bad that he was doing his bravest to pretend it didn't.

"Easy, bud..." I hissed, reaching down to run my hands along his hot body. This fine young man was giving me a major gift. My prick jerked an inch or two inside him, feeling the tightness of his ass clamping down on him, as I held still, then gave the shallowest of thrusts, back and forth more than in and out.

I looked at him, trying to communicate silently. Then I leaned in, pushing his legs back with my body. "You're doing good," I said.

We kissed. My cock slipped out of its toe hold but I didn't care. He needed this, and I wanted it. This was about the only time I lost track of the cameras. When I wasn't putting on a show. I connected with this college kid in a deep, soulful kiss. And kissed him som more.

I pulled back. This time I didn't rush, but I didn't delay. I pushed back into him. Bryan somehow trusted me, because his ring gave way more easily. He was virgin tight a few inches inside, but I gently thrust back and forth, working that knot inside him. I pulled out and added more lube. Now showing off for Bryan and the cameras both. Then I placed his ankles on my shoulders.

"OOH FUCK!" Came his cry when I broke through. But he wasn't in pain, just overwhelmed by feelings he didn't have word for. I plowed all the way in and held it. I could see his muscular chest rise and fall, taking deep breaths.

"Got your cherry, kiddo," I hissed.

"Thank you," he actually replied, his voice heavy in emotion. That got me going. My dick felt like stone inside his warm, tight guts.

"Feel good buddy?" My hands massaged his calf muscle as I looked down on him and restrained myself from just plowing his hot ass.

Bryan nodded.

I pulled and out thrust in. Then again. I was fucking for real now. Bryan's first fuck. Maybe more than he bargained for when he came over the previous night. But I knew this was his deep fantasy and why he reached out to me.

I wasn't hard or rough, but I fucked with a steady determination. I wanted to give this kid the best first time experience possible now. I puffed my chest and used more of a swivel action of my hips, in and out, in and out, as my eyes stared down at him. I'd probably read his facial reactions better without the mask, but his eyes and mouth were enough. I was getting to him, hitting that spot.

I paused just a second and reached to pump out more lube. This went onto his prick. He gasped as I slicked him up then got the picture once I pulled my hand away.

I grabbed a pillow and slid it underneath his hips. It made for the perfect angle, and I took quick advantage, resuming my steady plow of Bryan's no-longer virgin hole.

Turns out his masturbation was just what Bryan needed, flipping the switch to full pleasure now.

"Yeah?" I asked. Fucking heavier now.

"Yesss," the college hunk hissed back. He was jerking faster now, not frantically but eagerly and in synch with the fuck.

I saw his pisslit dilate and a clear spurt fly out. Not his ejaculation yet, but the prelude.

"Fuck yes," I grunted, throwing my hips into harder pounding. I was getting close to the finish line, and I wanted to speed up to catch up with this stud.

My harder thrusts felt amazing giving how much his ass was clenching and releasing on my dick spasmodically. But it really made Bryan's prostate sing. His pale skin grew pink and flush and his wrestler muscle tensed up.

"Shit!" he yelled and timed with each shove his nuts gave it up, and his prick spurted heavy ropes of semen over his perfect body.

I went at it even harder, leaning in some, powering my hips in rapid jabs. I didn't say anything but my grunt was unmistakeable as I shoved in and unloaded. My cum threw off my rhythm, but I held deep a second, then my hips jerked involuntarily for another hard shove to discharge my seed deep inside Bryan.

The kid winced at that one, which made me feel bad. I got myself under control and held myself steady, gently massaging his leg and then easing back. He'd been a trooper but now needed a break. I leaned back and showed off my slickened dong, though most viewers eyes would probably be on the cum-covered collegiate muscle of my bottom.

Leaning over I picked up one of the cameras. Time for the money shot.

Even if Bryan wasn't an experienced bottom, he'd watched enough porn to know what I was after. Rather than drop his legs down, he pulled them back, spreading them enough to show me and the camera his fucked and seeded hole. No longer drum tight, it has a slight gape and was thick with my cum. I'd shot a lot.

I got a good shot of it, then angled the camera up to capture his whole ripped and cum-wet body. Nothing would ever top watching my own son in porn, but Bryan was a close second.

I finally set down the phone and pulled off my mask. That was the cue Bryan was waiting for and he eagerly peeled his off.

"You OK, buddy?" I asked. My normal voice returning.

He nodded. "God yeah. I'm so glad we did that."

I gave a sly nod to the camera. "Your first time's preserved as a memento," I said. A little teasing in my voice, but checking in where his head was.

He smiled and god he was so fucking cute with that pearly white smile. "I didn't think I was gonna enjoy it at first," he admitted. "But damn..."

I ran my fingers through the cum that had turned liquidy on his chest. "You shot like gangbusters," I said.

"My cums are pretty big normally," he said. "But your dick did something inside me that made me go wild. I've never felt anything like that."

"I'm glad," I said. I leaned forward for another kiss, this one tantalizingly soft and slow.

Afterward, I let Bryan get up and shower off while I checked my phone. Then I figured I'd join him. The look on his face told me my presence was quite welcome.

"Hey," he grinned, shyly. God, he was star struck and that made me feel like a real stud.

"Hey," I said. Our wet bodies connected and we took the time to soap each other down.

"You married to a man or a woman?" he asked as he nodded to my gold band.

"A woman," I said. "I'm not the best husband."

He gave a nod of acknowledgment. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad you share yourself."

"I have news for you kiddo," I said, turning off the water and running my hands over his wet muscled body. "You've shared yourself now, too."

"Still can't believe it," he said. "When will you post it?"

"In a couple of weeks," I said. I wasn't going to bring up Travis or my process for putting the vid together.

His hands reached up to feel my body too, my chest but also my shoulders and arms.

"I'm hard again," Bryan said. "I can't believe it."

"You're 20," I joked. "It happens."

"Yeah," he laughed.

I patted his arm. "Feel like sleeping over?" I asked. "I have a morning flight to catch but you're welcome to stay."

He nodded, like an eager puppy. We dried off and made our way back into the room. I downed a bottled water to rehydrate and tossed him one. "Remind me to tip housekeeping extra," I said as I pulled down the sheets. "We made a fucking mess."

He slipped into the bed next to me. His body was cooler now, and felt great against my warmer bod. We made out. His dick was a spike and I got hard once more, but I wasn't eager for another fuck. And Bryan seemed to go with the flow.

"So..." I finally said. "No longer a virgin..."

"No sir."

"Any regrets?" I asked, leaning back in the bed against the headboard, pulling my hands behind me. Bryan nestled in, resting his head against my upper chest and running his hands along my fur.

"None. It was hot as fuck," he said. "But even if it hadn't been, I just feel relieved, you know?"

"Not exactly," I smiled knowingly.

"Ha," he said, picking up on my meaning. "I'm surprised your so good at breaking a guy in if you're cherry too."

"I'd like to say I had some secret," I admitted, "But I just did what felt right."

Maybe it was the sex. I mean it was getting late, but not that late. Bryan was dozing some as he rested up against me. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Ready for bed, kiddo?" I asked.

"Yeah, Brad," he said and rolled off to the side.

***

My son did his magic crafting two separate scenes from the footage with Bryan, as well as a very hot teaser. "Taking College Jock's Cherry" was the title of the second. The on-screen chemistry was real, and it was clear that we weren't faking it. I really did take the young dude's virginity on screen.

"God, Dad, this is fucking incredible," Travis said to me on the phone before he posted the scene. "I've shot three times to it."

I smiled. I was in a semi-public place and had to be a little discrete. "I'm very glad to hear that," I smirked. "A little payback to the one you did the other week."

"Bud and Spike?" he asked.

That one was one was OK, but not my favorite. "No, the other one," I said, cagily.

That got a laugh from Trav. "Oh, MiamiMuscles... dude's a crazy power bottom, right?"

"Yeah," I said, my throat getting hoarse with lust I was trying to hide. "I like watching you in action like that."

Travis picked up on my need to be discreet, though he had no constraints on his end. "You prefer watching me fuck, Dad?"

God, my son knew how to drive me crazy. "I do," I admitted.

I detected a hesitation on his end, which wasn't Travis's normal response to anything. He paused. "Dad... you ever think about, you know, me fucking you?"

Just hearing those words were going make me go from chubbed to boned. "It's a little scary to think about," I replied. "But yeah... I do."

"Oh fuck," Travis hissed. Only then did I realize he'd been dreaming of that very act. Topping me. Taking my anal cherry, like I'd done with that Denver kid. It surprised me actually, given our bedroom chemistry with my son bottoming for me, eager for his dad's cock. "We'll talk about it next time, OK?" he said. Not pressuring me but letting me know this was on his mind.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll probably chicken out, son. But I wanna explore the idea." I was nervous just vocalizing this.

"Sure, Dad," Trav said. "God you know I love everything we'd done together. If I were there right now, I'd suck your cock, you know that." My son was getting into deep lust mode now.

"Fuck, Trav, I should probably go," I said. I knew if I kept talking like this, I'd get in trouble. "Later, son?"

"Yeah, Dad," he replied, his voice rich with lust. I knew he was probably going to jack off when I hung up. I was going to find the time myself at the first chance. Pull up one of Travis's videos where he topped and stroke off imagining him pounding me, too.

****

My Denver videos were popular. I wasn't surprised that my fans responded to the realness of them, but I was surprised by the messages I got. They changed my porn career and it's probably not an overstatement to say they changed my life.

The first one came two weeks after the video with Bryan dropped.

"Dear MaskedDaddy, I loved your latest video. God, it's like my deepest fantasy. I'm 23 and live in DC. I don't have that college jock's bod, but I'm working on it. I've been too scared to let a guy fuck me, but if you want to be my first, I'd love to star in one of your vids. I wouldn't even need a mask."

It was a wild email, and I figured the kid's horniness doing the thinking for him. I pawed my crotch and laughed at how forward the offer was. I started to send a polite thanks but no thanks reply.

But then I thought about it, and I figured what the hell. I asked for the young dude's pictures. He was cute as fuck. Not quite as twunky as Bryan but still good looking, kind of that boy-next-door type.

Travis handled the OnlyFans money my site brought in. I didn't do porn for the money, and in any case I didn't want my finances impacted lest Kate find out.

I sent two more texts that night. One to DC guy. "If you're serious, lets plan for something three weeks from now." I knew I had some work travel on the East Coast I could piggy back on.

My other I sent to Trav. "I need your help arranging a DC visit. Gonna pop another dude's cherry."

#drakestories

106 notes · View notes

ivystoryweaver · 9 months

Text

With You part 15

previous next || Fic Masterlist || My Masterlist

Summary: Recovery is a lifelong, active choice. You are Marc deal with a rough night a little differently this time.

Pairings: Marc Spector x gn!reader (Steven Grant x gn!reader, Jake Lockley x gn!reader) No use of Y/N.

Word Count: 2.8k

Content: angst, fluff (more under the cut)

Warnings: DON'T worry - it's not as dramatic as the warnings sound, I promise: cursing, struggles with alcoholism/addiction, references to past abuse, trauma and violence, not beta'd

PREVIOUSLY, on "With You"...

"You know, when I was a kid...I never had anyone to look out for me. Not once. Not even my dad, but now..." His jaw twitched as he fought through his emotions, "Now I have three of you."

Summer had turned to fall and the crisp, damp air made you long for the comfort of home. True, your flat was ancient and drafty, but your husband was there, waiting for you with some warm soup and likely an evening of cozy cuddles.

At least, that's what Steven had texted you about earlier.

As you turned the key in the deadbolt and pushed the old, heavy door open, your eyes widened, attempting to adjust to the darkness within. With only the entry way lamp left on for you, it was difficult to gauge who was home, or what they were doing.

"Babe?" You called out, leaving your bag and shoes in their normal spot before clicking the door closed and turning the lock. The flooring creaked as you shuffled toward your room to change out of your scrubs, but you stopped, hearing Marc's voice from the darkened kitchen.

"In here."

He was dressed in Steven's jumper, the worn navy faded to a dull cobalt - sleeves that normally draped down to Steven's knuckles pushed haphazardly halfway up to his elbows. Hands clenching the counter's edge, he stared out the kitchen window at the pale moon.

The breadth of his shoulders expanded with a loud, sorrowful breath.

Approaching him slowly, you noticed a bottle of vodka on the countertop to his right.

Shit.

Also - vodka? Since when? Marc drank whiskey, or he used to drink beer, back before he realized he really was not among the ranks of those who could drink socially.

"Marc," you softly called, making sure he knew you were behind him, attempting to inch closer. "Hey."

His grip on the counter's edge caused his knuckles to strain, and in better lighting, you thought they would probably be turning white.

Your chest heaved with relief as one hand released the countertop and carefully extended behind his back, toward you.

That was all the invitation you needed to surge forward, grasping his fingers and taking them with you around his soft stomach. You wrapped yourself around him from behind, squeezing as you pressed your cheek against the solid heat of his back.

"Tell me you're not hurt," you brokenly whispered, knowing that his recent alcoholic endeavors had all centered around Khonshu scaring and harming him.

"I'm okay," he mumbled after a tense silence. "It's okay. I just bought it. I didn't...I didn't drink it. I didn't..."

"Good, baby," you murmured, squeezing him tighter. "That's good."

Needing to feel more of you, he yanked on your forearm, pulling you around, meeting you halfway until he could wrap you close to his thundering heart.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, his palms spreading, pressing you into the mold of his body - one hand pushing at your lower back while the other slid up to cradle your neck. His grip was desperate, yet his fingertips brushed tenderly as if you were a delicate thing he could destroy.

He swallowed down a wave of nausea at the thought of disappointing you again. And again, and again. To a certain degree, he wasn’t entirely sure what had happened or how he got to be in this dark kitchen with a bottle of vodka beside him.

You were uncharacteristically silent so his troubled mind began to fill in terrible stories about what you must be thinking, and how he might have done permanent damage.

"Are you angry with me?" He asked, moving along the nonexistent conversation. He needed to know this like he needed air in his lungs. It was a familiar cycle to him - failing and awaiting the heavy ax of punishment – from his mother, from the military, from other mercenaries and killers, from Khonshu.

"Please...say something."

"I’m not angry," you softly returned, easing back to peer up into his dark, troubled eyes. "And it’s not because I don’t care, or don’t expect things from you." You referenced a previous argument, making sure he knew that your lack of reaction was, indeed, not a lack of investment.

Tracing your fingertips over the angle of his jaw your eyes danced over his features, as if checking to be certain that he was unharmed. "To be honest, I...I’m actually scared."

Marc’s heart sank, guilt twisting his insides for making you uncomfortable in any way, and especially for scaring you.

Then you explained.

"When I first walked in, I was so afraid someone hurt you – are you sure you’re okay?"

With a heavy sigh, his forehead dropped to touch yours. "No, it’s not like that – I’m not physically hurt."

Daring to meet your eyes again his grip on you tightened as if he were afraid you might quite literally slip through his fingers.

"I can’t explain why I bought it, really. But...I can try."

He seemed hopeless to make any sense of how he got here, or what was going on inside him.

"Okay, baby," you soothed, tracing the fullness of his bottom lip with your thumb. "Can we talk about it?"

He eagerly nodded, the slightest swell of accomplishment blooming in his chest as he started to realize how close he'd come to having a drink...but didn't.

The two of you settled onto the old sofa after you changed into an oversized cardigan and joggers, and ordered takeaway on your phone, since there was clearly no soup, despite Steven's previous offer.

Marc nestled into one end of the couch and had sweetly asked to hold you. So you draped yourself across his lap, your legs extending down the length of the sofa while your arms encircled his neck.

"I'm glad I didn't drink," he admitted out loud, which...was huge for Marc.

"You should be," you lovingly encouraged, smiling at him tenderly.

"You're so good to me," he uttered, gazing at you adoringly. "I would understand, you know - if you were upset at me, for wasting money and...just..."

"Is that what you think it is? A waste of money?" You asked him frankly.

His thick eyebrows knitted as he contemplated your meaning.

"Would it not be more wasteful if the bottle were empty?" You went on. "I think you would feel a lot worse. And that would be a waste."

"Yeah, I guess so," he slowly nodded.

"So - tell me what you were thinking when you walked into the store...or when you were standing outside the window, thinking about going in. What happened?"

So Marc confessed.

Jake had been busy at night lately, so they were tired. One of Steven's classes got cancelled so he dragged himself into bed for an afternoon nap, intending to make soup and spend the evening with you.

But it was Marc who awakened abruptly from a nightmare: a torment including broken bottles, torn flesh and punishing blows.

You fucking knew it. It always came back to that stupid god.

"I was dreaming about her," Marc explained, to your slight surprise, "about something I'd forgotten, until the night I was attacked."

Then you realized this specific misery was not from the night Khonshu abandoned him in the middle of a brutal attack. He was remembering something older.

"She...sometimes she would sing while she cooked," he confessed, reminding you of the rare, tender moment Jake had shared with her - that she cooked while singing in Spanish, and that sometimes Jake helped her. He had almost seemed like he felt guilty for holding a fond memory of her after what she'd done.

Marc was apparently recounting the flip side of that memory.

He went on to explain that he didn't remember much about it, but he must have been helping her cook (or perhaps, in this case, it was Jake). What he did recall, however, was that he dropped a glass skillet lid by accident. His mom had asked him to stir the food contained within, and when Marc reached for the lid's handle, its heat burned his palm, causing him to drop it to the floor, where it shattered.

He had jumped back, profusely apologizing, but it was too late. Wendy was halfway into a bottle of something or other. She picked it up and said, "Oh, are we breaking things today?"

Then she broke the bottle on the counter's edge and brandished it as a weapon against her only remaining child.

Marc's details thereafter were vague, but they included a cut on his arm, curses in Spanish (no wonder he didn't speak it anymore), and a trip upstairs that ended in belt whelps, sobbing and another lonely night spent afraid and starving.

"When those men attacked me that night, I...it's like I could instantly remember her face and her voice and just...I think Jake told you he took the body while I was staring at my reflection in the window of a liquor store. Or...right after I started walking away."

By now, tears had spilled down your cheeks, as they did any time he shared another piece of his past with you.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I...I didn't remember it that clearly until I woke up today."

His sweet, brown eyes were wide and pleading with you to understand. After all this time, he still felt he was the one who had done something wrong.

Smoothing your thumb over his cheek, you granted him a tender smile. "There's nothing to apologize for. You never have to be sorry for opening up to me."

He nodded quickly, his voice high pitched, almost like a child's. "I know, but - I made you cry. I always think I've told you everything bad and it's over with, you know? That there won't ever be any more of my shit to say. But then, there's always more. I'm sorry."

"Marc," you gasped, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his mouth. "That's why I'm here, baby. I'm here to listen - for whatever you need. You haven't done anything wrong. This was done to you."

The familiar wrinkle formed between his dark eyebrows as he nodded, seriously listening to what you had to say. "You're right," he admitted. "It's a lot of shit to remember - my life, I mean. But still...I shouldn't have bought that alcohol."

His bottom lip turned down in a bit of an adorable frowny pout. "I made a therapy appointment, and...I thought about what she might say, you know, about taking ownership. And that's the thing I can control, right?"

You nodded encouragingly, hoping he would continue - your heart swelling with pride over how far he'd come. You could approve or disapprove of his alcohol purchase, but what mattered was what Marc himself thought of his choice.

"So...I shouldn't have bought it. It wasn't productive," he continued sincerely. "And...it was wasteful. But I didn't drink it. So...that's something."

You kissed the pad of your thumb before pressing it to the wrinkle between his eyes. "That's my guy. Proud of you."

That move always dissolved his contemplative frown into what could almost be considered a shy smile.

"I still probably need some 'stress relief' though." He winked as the sound of your laughter filled the flat.

The next day, you walked Marc to a meeting to get his six month sobriety chip. The two of you decided to celebrate with a night out. You couldn't be more proud of him for getting back on track, and not breaking his sobriety since he'd learned about Jake and Khonshu.

The two of you returned home and decided to cuddle up on the rooftop, before the fall weather started getting too chilly.

"This is nice," you murmured, laying your head on Marc's shoulder. You were seated on a couple thick quilts with a smaller one wrapped around you both.

"Yeah, it is," he agreed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Thanks for going out with me tonight."

"Of course, baby, I'm so proud of you."

He gave you that sexy little smirk of his - pretty much the closest he ever came to a full smile. Reaching for your hand, he slid his fingers through yours. "I love you, you know. More than anything."

You melted as his heated gaze lured you in. "I love you too. More than anything."

He peered into your eyes for a few seconds longer, and you thought he might kiss you, but he cleared his throat instead.

"I need to talk to you about something, okay?" His dark eyebrows shifted - he looked a little nervous. "Just...hear me out. It's important."

Squeezing his hand, you nodded. "Anything, Marc."

It took a moment for him to continue, Releasing your hand, he stared straight ahead. You knew him well enough to realize he needed a minute - and that this must be significant to him.

"I'm going to talk to Khonshu," he finally announced, with difficultly. "I need to talk to him - to settle some things."

You tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. This was Marc, after all. He thought deeply and carefully about everything and he didn't just blurt things out.

Steven liked to think about everything out loud. Your evenings were often filled with not only a comical and detailed retelling of the day's antics, but he would actually sort through his feelings verbally. It was easy to know where you stood with Steven at all times, but it was, occasionally, a trifle exhausting - though not unwelcome.

If this were Jake, you would already be challenging him, arguing passionately about how this was a bad idea. Jake had no problem arguing right back until he convinced you.

But this was Marc. So you waited, and you listened.

"I can't...I just can't sit in the back seat of my life anymore," he began to explain, after a long exhale. Another silence followed - almost uncomfortably long. You finally realized he was gazing at your profile.

"I'm happy with you," he softly admitted. "Being married to you. You know that, don't you?"

Granting him a sweet smile, you nodded. "I do. But I'm always glad to hear it."

His attention shifted back to the darkened sky. He always tended to feel a little more comfortable communicating without direct eye contact.

"I like the life we have here. I'm good with Steven doing the things he does, and even Jake. It took some time, but...it works now, I think." He chuckled at himself. "Maybe I was an ass before, about Jake. But - I know he loves you."

Linking your arm through his, you laid your head on his shoulder and just let him talk.

"He does love you," Marc repeated softly. "And Steven does. And I do. I am happy."

"Me too," you quickly assured him.

Another silence. A breeze swirled around you, automatically drawing you closer to his warmth.

"But this thing with Khonshu - I can't stay out of it. He's in our lives because of me. I have to deal with him."

Treading as carefully as you could manage, you chanced a question. "What do you mean, deal with him? Didn't Jake make a deal to protect you?"

"That's not what I'm talking about," he quickly defended, stiffening. "And I didn't ask Jake to do that."

Okay, back to waiting on him to explain.

"Even though I'm six months sober, this is the main thing I can't really break through. I feel like I can't really have control of my life until I settle whatever this is with him."

He was on a roll now, so you didn't want to stop him, despite your concerns over his safety.

"I talked to them, you know - Steven and Jake."

"And what did they say?" You softly asked, soothingly stroking his arm with your fingertips.

So he explained that Jake hoped their current setup could work out. Jake would take care of Moon Knight and keep Marc safely out of it. Somewhat conversely, Steven understood Marc's need to confront, or at least consult Khonshu. Steven knew what it felt like to be left out of the loop in his own life.

"So what I want to know is - what do you think?"

Even though you'd been biting your tongue, holding back your opinion, now that he'd given you the floor, you found yourself a little stumped. Instead of playing games, however, you decided to be direct, as usual.

"I'm conflicted, honestly," you softly returned. "I respect your choice and I support you. I understand why you think you need to talk to him. But I'm scared he'll hurt you - physically or mentally. Or both. And I don't want that.

"But if it's as bad as you're saying, then you can't live like this. You're right, you have to settle it. You have to decide if you are Moon Knight."

"I am," he answered resolutely. "I am Moon Knight."

Coming up: The conclusion to "With You"

@stormydaysxx @laaundromat @kindlover @flyestvenustrap @spxctorsslxt @deezisnotreal @stevenknightmarc @imonmykneessir @marvelouslovely-barnes @evilbubu @usualsworld @rivalriotrenegade @wordacadabra @this--is--music @i-still-dont-like-your-face @cicithemess2000 @avengersinitiative2012 @lockleywife @poppyflower-22 @thursdaywritings @scoliobean peregrine-nation local-mr-frog @bitchotine @ren-ni @valkyrie05x @randomhoex @tsukkie-daisuke @thebestrouge @mintellaine @lasttoknowv @spideyman-peter @ohantonia @emily-roberts @halleest @mypurplewinee @thexsanctuaryx @animechick555 @seninjakitey @minigirl87

317 notes · View notes

qvrcll · 10 months

Note

Hello!! Saw you taking requests so i wanted to give one :3

How about Vendetta Leon with a chubby nb person as his partner? Sex and/or fluff please! (Ive never requested one of these before so I'm a little shy!)

when the sun hits

summary: a collection of leon centred thoughts based on this request!

warnings: a little bit of angst, nsfw marked accordingly, that’s it i think :]

a/n: thank u for the request dear anon!! enjoy :-)

His strongest piece of love language is physical affection and I will die undefeated on this hill. When he’s home from yet another debilitating mission, staggering through the darkness of his shared home with you with his shoes clattering against stone cold lumber, he’ll smile softly when he sees you curled against the bed — he finds himself drawn to join you, spooning you from behind with a quiet, satisfactory groan, burying his face into your skin. When you react, pull a groan from the recesses of your body at the feel of his stubble against your body, he’ll only smother you further with the feel of it, creasing with small pauses of laughter as you attempt to escape him.

Another piece of love language is also communication. days when you’re feeling ill at ease or out of place from some source of thoughts or really, something fabricated out of nothing at all, he returns love back to you in a way that has you smiling again. He’ll do anything — jokes? Locked and loaded. Comfort movies? Television is burring on already. Hugs, smothering and warm and full of the smell of him on the couch, with nothing else better to do? Check marked. If it makes you feel better, he’ll offer you a shirt, something inked with the addictive smell of him, because he knows how much you flit with the reminders of him.

Indulges into his love for your thighs like it’s his lifeline. often times, especially at his most habitual, he’ll lay dormant against your thighs, stationary and won’t move at all. Sleeps like a hog against the plush ride of your thighs, stagnant even when you attempt to awake him in any other way feasible. For the darker, hotter side of things, he’ll probably be too awkward to suggest anything lewd of the sort. It’s funny to imagine this rookie-cop-turned-acclaimed-agent as a sputtering, scratchy mess, but the thought is messy — you’ll have to be the one to offer it to him on a golden platter, in the name of experimenting. In a tone that has him skittering for your skin beneath his hardened fingers, gripping it with vigour only won in the name of his want for you in bold, syllabic words. Once he’s got his cock fending in and out between your clenched thighs, with no shame and little care for the pathetic noises he’s making, he’ll literally burst in seconds. He can’t even fathom being embarrassed when he’s sliding against the squeeze of your thighs for the umpteenth time.

We know this man is stacked and loaded when it comes to that bank account — buys you everything and anything you’ve ever wanted. Even if you slightly impress his ears with some talk of “those shoes look nice” or “look at that bear holding that heart—so cute…” there’s already transactions being made, as he distracts you, uses that guise to swiftly tap his card and hide the product behind his back. You’ll notice him and hold him in suspicion — “what did you do?” and he’ll swear it’s nothing, until the cat is out of the bag, the product of interest in your hands as you plaster him with kisses. Maybe, just maybeeee, it get’s comically worrying — his habit in scouring for you smile through these purchases often has him swiping and tapping his card aimlessly, and you have to physically heave him out of the store, with his eyebrows cut in a furrow, a frown, a “wait, what’s wrong? I just want to buy you this one thing, baby,” “leon, we’re holding four bags worth of items.”

Although some days are harder than others, he aims to give you a 100 of his effort when he can. That includes spending a prolonged amount of time with you, maybe securing tickets to the movies, or some other event that has you teeming with appreciation and love. And sometimes, he’s on the receiving end of such love — with his struggle with alcohol (prior to meeting you and as a cataclysmic product of the horrors of 1989 and following) he’s willing to take that stretch, walk the tight rope. He’s willing because he loves you and you love him and for what it’s worth, he’s willing to be better. A cut above the semblance of the man he was before :]

#leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon kennedy fic #leon kennedy fanfic #resident evil x reader #resident evil x you

114 notes · View notes

wanderlust-in-my-soul · 10 months

Text

My Weekly Roundup CW 28

I had a little hiatus on this format, but I am back again. I missed writing about my favorite and not so favorite shows. This week was a real roller coaster! I have watched so much good stuff, but also so much meh stuff.

And yes, this will contain spoilers!

1. Be My Favorite (Ep 8)

Those two are my safe place at the moment. Kawi has understood. He understood that if he wanted to change the future so that no one suffers, he finally had to be honest with himself. It was a process that the drunken subconscious had already completed, only his sober self still struggled a bit to understand that Pisaeng is the one he likes. But we can put that behind us now. He has confessed his feelings to Pisaeng and has now given Pisaeng the chance to court him and I can't wait for that! What I found very successful realized this week was to show how solid Pisaeng is as a person. Even though his life isn't going the way he wants it to (stupid friends and a crush who probably, at this point anyway, doesn't like him in a romantic way) he is still at peace with himself. Our old friend, the little miracle fixer with a few magic tricks up his sleeve, asks him if he should give him a hand and Pisaeng simply replies that he can handle it. I don't even like to imagine what would have happened if he had accepted the help. Pisaeng has nothing to reproach himself for and doesn't regret his previous decisions. Once again, this series simply enchanted me. We all wish from time to time to undo events of the past, but don't think about what impact our decisions and actions would have on the lives of others as well. And Kawi has only thought until the next smile from Paer. But that he as a person was not even ready to shape the future according to his own wishes, he did not understand, which is why he ended up becoming an alcoholic and everyone around him is unhappy. He has had a life in his mind's eye that he thought would make him happy, which it wouldn't because he never got a clue about what would make him truly happy. Until now. And I think it's good that he's allowing himself to be loved and to love.

2. Tokyo in April is... (Ep 5)

I don't know exactly how many times this episode brought tears to my eyes. This series feels so hopeful on one hand and so melancholy on the other. I felt all the emotions along with Ren this week. There was this longing to be close to Kazuma. How he buttoned his shirt and Ren literally melted in this physical closeness. And on the other hand, still the fear of not being good enough for him. When Kazuma offer him the shirt, Ren protests briefly if it's really okay to wear this new and expensive shirt. For Kazuma, it is not a question at all, as he has loved Ren for over ten years. There's nothing but love for Ren, and Ren is worth so much more than a silly shirt. I suffered along with Ren trying to contact Kazuma after he had to go to France, and broke when the connection between them was cut off altogether. And I felt pure joy when the two pairs of shoes were in the doorway and Kazuma sent him the text message with the food and asking when Ren was coming home. I'm very curious to see how they will continue the Sanada story and how extreme they will get.

3. Stay With Me (Ep 5-8)

Whew, this series is killing me. But I love it. You can see parallels to Addicted, and in fact I'm actively trying to avoid comparisons so I don't denigrate the series itself. But we get told so much more than we did in the first adaptation. And it doesn't bother me that Su Yu and Wu Bi aren't as actively bl as Gu Hai and Bai Lou Yin. Maybe it doesn't bother me because I don't know the novel and can't compare the series with it. Anyway, they found out this week that they are stepbrothers and they despise each other again. Well, anyway, that's what they like to tell themselves, but Wu Bi has already stated quite drunkenly that he just can't hate him and doesn't want to hurt him. And Su Yu can no longer pretend that he doesn't miss him either. That's when his own subconscious snapped him out of it, when he thought Wu Bi was sitting in his seat again and a smile crept into Su Yu's face. I think it's just delightful and the acting is really good. Story-wise they do a lot of things right too and the narration feels natural and fluid. I'm absolutely thrilled with the series and it doesn't bother me in the end if we don't get any hot bed scenes. Maybe there's a kiss in it, maybe not. As far as I know, the series is not aired in China, which means they didn't suffer from censorship. The chemistry between Su Yu and Wu Bi is definitely there and great. And honestly, a jealous Wu Bi was already cute and fun to watch. And with scenes like the bicycle rid I am totally satisfied.

4. Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Ep 2)

While I found the first episode very exhausting, I liked the second one much better. It's nice to see what's going on in Minato's head. He can't show it to the outside world how much he loves Shin and as soon as he's with him a bit longer or looks into his face, he runs the risk of giving in to his emotions. Which Shin would have rather less of a problem with. It's frustrating to watch, but with a little more understanding of where Minato is coming from and how much he's suppressed his own feelings over the years, coupled with some internal homophobia, you can understand why he's always trying to control himself and is afraid to let go and live the feelings that burn inside him. The nice thing is that Shin knows who Minato is and appreciates and classifies the little things he does for him. And should Minato eventually get to the point of telling Shin how much he loves him, we'll probably see Shin rapturously slip away into another realm. But yes, with the second episode, the joy of the series has finally returned.

5. La Pluie (Ep 12 - Final)

I'll be honest, the show lost me by the tenth episode. Definitely Patts and Saengtai as a couple. And I also have to confess that I fast-forwarded half of the episode this week. Well, actually, I watched in rapture as Longfom finally told Tien in cotton-candy sweetness that he liked him, and as Tien accepted his confession and landed in his arms overjoyed I couldn't suppress a short squeal. And then came that half-hour montage of Tai looking for Patts. Yes, he had to do some searching, but instead of street impressions and watching Tai ask people if they've seen this vet, I actually would have liked a little more cosiness from Patts and Tai. I could have lived with a short time jump, I don't know, three years into the future. The end came a bit too fast, after all the torture we had to endure. And I don't even want to talk about the ending itself. What kind of shit was that? Should there be a spin-off? Nah, thanks, but I don't need it. Tien was happy for five fucking minutes. Give this boy a break! For me the series ended here:

6. Hidden Agenda (Ep 2)

It's not going to be my highly anticipated series of the week, but I at least liked the second episode a little better than the first. Joke has made it to the debate club and can now help Zo realize his hidden agenda of landing Nita and also tackle his own hidden agenda of courting Zo at the same time. I mean yeah, we know how it's going to turn out. It shouldn't be too much of a surprise at the end, the basic idea of the series is too familiar for that, but still, you can enjoy the ride to the end anyway. The only thing that might be turned off during the ride would be the radio….

7. Low Frequency (Ep 2)

Well, the story itself is interesting. It would just be so nice if the actors didn't just stop acting when they don't have a speaking part. I mean Mon on the one hand looks like he's permanently stoned and like his brain is very empty from time to time. The dialogue just doesn't feel natural, it feels very contrived, which I don't blame the actors for, the director should actually see that and explain to them how to do it better. Well, maybe he thought it was just right…As I said, I like the story and I'll keep watching, but it's amazing how natural the series still feels at 1.5x speed. Well, Thames is a ghost now, whether he's dead or not, I really didn't get Mons' explanation. All I know is that the good guardian spirit gave Mon the important advice not to fall in love with Thames while Thames is standing next to him, and there's never another word said about it, but let's not kid ourselves, Mon is already over the hill with his feelings. We also learn that Thames has been the victim of a plot and that they tried to frame him for the drunk driving accident. No alcohol was detected in the blood, but there was a smell of alcohol at the scene of the accident. Reason enough to cancel him, sure. Why the management doesn't go to the press and say that no blood alcohol was detected, I don't know…But in the end it's not that important. Because this way we can see how Mon will help Thames. How exactly we will see maybe next week.

8. Step By Step (Ep 12 - Final)

The series started out strong. That is, I liked the first episodes and Jeng was and is a feast for the eyes. But my problems with the series started very early. I couldn't really relate to the characters. Pat was whiny and naive. I couldn't understand why Jeng fell in love with him. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just can't see Pat as a potential partner. He's not nearly as mature in my eyes as he should be and as Jeng wants him to be. And Jeng, to me, is a toxic partner. One often thinks of toxic as partners who are either violent whether physically or psychologically or who cheat or manipulate, but Jeng is toxic in a different way. He doesn't leave Pat's growth to himself, but tries to push him into roles he doesn't want to take (yet). But in the process, he also forgets about normal processes and hierarchies. All of this wouldn't have even bothered me all that much if the side story had just been spun on. I still think it's underwhelming that Jaab and Jane were just erased like that. Their story started out so strong and I was really looking forward to it and then Jane breaks up with his boyfriend and Jaab is mad at him? Yeah, that's when it stopped for for me. And after that they were hardly a topic and worst of all was the finale, where they were given a short side scene and you only saw Jaab. It's absolutely unclear what their relationship is. And please, no spin-off! This can't be anything good. In the end, I'm really disappointed in the series and don't miss it. No rewatch potential for me.

9. Dinosaur Love (Ep 4)

To describe this series I would say it is the perfect series for a Sunday evening. After a busy work week and maybe a hectic weekend, it can't get any worse than this series. And for the new week, you can tell yourself it can only get better from here on out. In this fourth episode, Rak has now moved into the dorm, got a roommate who is a real asset to the series with his captivatingly quick manner, Dino has made contact with Rak's father in a creepy way (from where did he et the number?), Dino sang really, really badly, we realized once again that friends should not be trusted in this universe, and Mek is just plain dumb. It was a feast again!

Honorable Mention

His Man Season 2 (Ep 8+9)

I love watching this one so much! There is so much drama going on, but it is not in any cometition with the other series I watch during the week. It is a datin show, so I can't rate it like the full scripted shows. But I love every second of this and I love talking about it with @leonpob! Thank you so much for reaching out! 🤍

Dropped This Week

Yes, there are some shows I am not willing to waist my time with... Not that many, but lately I understood that I can't watch everything!

Be Mine Superstar

After the second episode I just couldn't go on. I don't like the mains, especially Punn. He was just annoying and a big nope for me.

#weekly wrap up #weekly update #sunday charts #josi watching bl #just my opinion #be my favorite #tokyo in april is...#shigatsu no tokyo wa...#stay with me #stay with me the series #minato shouji coin laundry season 2 #minato's coin laundry 2 #la pluie #hidden agenda #low frequency #step by step #dinosaur love #bl series #bl drama

49 notes · View notes

oneatlatime · 10 months

Text

The Fortuneteller

(A title which I am itching to divide into three words instead of two because boy does 'Fortuneteller' look stupid - seriously, stare at it for a bit and see how fast it starts looking like Fortun Eteller)

The last couple of episodes have had a contemplative character, so I'm rooting for this one to be a silly one. Also more Sokka please. Poor guy gets demoted to one liners in the B-plot whenever Aang is the main focus.

Episode Time!

We start this episode off with a potential love interest for Sokka.

I had completely forgotten that Katara used to have a necklace. I'd also completely forgotten that she'd lost it. When did she lose it?

Aang-o-vision has a pretty heavy rose-tinted filter - literally.

Told you it was a love interest.

The NOISE Sokka makes when the fish slaps him! I love it. Hang on I'm going to rewind and listen to it again.

Yep. Still as good the second time.

Oh wow! Aang just got Momo-zoned. Gotta say I'm not a fan of a romantic relationship between Aang and Katara at this point, so I'm all for some Momo-zonage.

Platypus bear! Finally some hybrid animals. I was beginning to wonder if that would ever come back.

Is this guy a martial arts master or an idiot?

I'm leaning towards idiot.

Friendly reminder of Appa's size. That's a lot of molars. No canines or incisors? Guess he's an obligate herbivore.

Is sniffing eggs something that people do? I get sniffing melons or other produce, but eggs?

Yep. Floppy hat guy is an idiot.

Aang buddy you might want to get that checked out.

And with a mighty squelch, the egg fulfills this episode's Beat Up Sokka quota.

Appa shakes!

Those are weird ducks.

I don't know a thing about anime, but that's the most anime-looking guy I've seen in this show. Is this show an anime?

Meng-o-vision is red-tinted. Probably doesn't bode well.

Also, Meng could give Zuko some lessons on how to style Pipi longstocking hair. Someone with more photoshop skills than me needs to make a Zuko with Meng hair.

"Don't be modest, they're huge!" Presented without comment. I'm not going to say a thing. But we all thought it.

Katara is totally the kind of girl who would fall for fortune telling. We've seen (multiple times) that she is gullible. Actually, now that I think about it, we've had multiple episodes where Katara gets swept up in something a healthy dose of skepticism would have guarded her from - Jet and The Great Divide come to mind. The writers are really hammering the 'Katara is susceptible to romantic nonsense and Sokka is a science-minded skeptic' message home. Is this going to play some bigger part in the show going forward? Why else would we be on version number (arguably) 3 of this same plot?

Aang and Sokka took off their shoes, but Katara didn't. Huh.

Pinky out. Classy.

I am not digging the Aang x Katara stuff in this episode. I'm with Sokka on this one - let's pretend it was a stellar bathroom break.

Aunt Wu is being unnecessarily antagonistic to Sokka. First he gets an egg on his head, then Momo steals his bean puffs, now Aunt Wu tells him his life's going to suck. I should have been more specific when I hoped for a Sokka episode. I didn't mean a beat up Sokka episode.

Aang. Priorities honey. Honestly, Aang casually dismissing his destiny after all that build up did get a laugh out of me.

A god-like figure coming to have his fortune read and only wanting to know about his love life would give me a headache too.

Add malicious signage to the Beating Up Sokka list.

"The fluffy bunny cloud forecasts doom and destruction." I bet that's the first time that sentence has appeared in the English language.

These people are stupid. Blazing Saddles style 'common clay of the New West' stupid. It would take, what, a day? to run a visual check on the volcano. But nope. Too much work. Listen to me I'm morphing into Sokka.

Katara giving off some serious fangirl vibes.

Katara is officially addicted to fortune telling.

Live footage of me watching these village idiots.

Add duck to the list of Things Which Assault Sokka. Gotta love those duck noises though.

Sokka is getting dangerously close to advising negging here. Also Meng deserves better. Her poor pigtails droop in disappointment. Girl has sentient hair - she deserves better.

Papaya? When you don't like papaya? Just because some old lady said so? Too far. That's not even teenage nonsense; that's tweenage nonsense. I kind of feel like sending Katara to her room. Actually it's just like that one line Log Man said in the Jet episode. Something like 'He tells us what to do and how to think and things all turn out right.' Outsourcing your decision-making. Which, by the way, is both nonsense and cult-like. Then again, the lost boys freedom fighters pretty much worshipped Jet the way this village worships Aunt Wu, so... parallels?

So if this guy got the panda lily himself, doesn't that mean that he recently went up the mountain? Couldn't he have had a peak inside while he was up there? Would have taken an extra 20 seconds.

"Flowers are fine once you're married" Somebody get this boy to Victorian times. If he ever sees an ankle he'll self-combust.

You have a flying bison. Why don't you fly up instead of climb?

This is totally live action fire copy-pasted in to the animation. There has got to be a more technical term for that than copy-pasted.

Raise your hand if you saw the twist with the volcano coming. (I did I swear. Blue spirit was an outlier).

Forget Appa, why didn't Aang just fly up?

"They just won't listen to reason." "But they will listen to Aunt Wu." So the mountain comes to Mohammed. I guess talking to people in a way they understand / will listen to is a good lesson for an avatar to learn. I thought he'd learned that one in The Great Divide though. Either way this episode is getting increasingly frustrating.

Can Meng get a hug? She seems astonishingly self-aware and emotionally mature for a kid. Also way too smart for this podunk town. I may rescind the hug in light of the stalking.

Well, it's not exactly subtle, but at least volcanic doom isn't a fluffy bunny.

Look at those yummy purples. Finally an episode where it's light enough to have a beautiful sky. My collection of wallpapers was suffering.

Digging a lava trench might work, if the volcano is going to put out a gallon or two of lava. This must be a baby volcano.

Nevermind.

The ashes effect feels oddly 3-D.

I guess to an avatar this kind of challenge is small potatoes.

Totally ignoring the Aang x Katara stuff for a minute, I'm with Sokka on this one too, because I also had forgotten that Aang is a superbender. He didn't even need to go glowy.

If I lived in this village that redesign would absolutely give me nightmares. Are those mega claws of doom structurally sound?

I am going to punch this man.

Aunt Wu's final speech to Aang makes me think that at least she's not indulging in her own product as it were. I suppose a con artist (whose services are free, so, just jerking around a village for shits and giggles?) is better than an actual believer?

MENG!!!

Final Thoughts

This episode has me thinking about stories. Part of the reason Katara wants to believe in nonsense like fortune telling is because she is someone inclined to listen to / believe in stories. I think the opening monologue of the first episode mentioned something about her grandmother's stories. Katara was raised on stories and very much took them to heart as more than just entertainment. And you can't blame her for believing the conceits of stories could be possible in their world, not after the events of episode one dumped the star of those stories in her lap. Just so long as she doesn't confuse a belief in stories with a belief in happy endings. There is a war going on in their world, and judging by the stuff that the show did not shy away from discussing or implying in episodes like The Southern Air Temple and The Storm, I am willing to bet good money that there will be a couple of unhappy endings ahead. Not permanently unhappy; this is a kids' cartoon. But there will probably be setbacks and disappointments.

Would Katara have astrology nonsense in her dating profile?

"The fluffy bunny cloud forecasts doom and destruction" is going to be incorporated into my daily vocabulary.

Platypus + bear are interesting choices for a hybrid animal, since a platypus is about 15 normal animals smashed together anyway. A platypus bear is the swiss army knife of animals. Or the Mr. Potato Head.

At first I thought that Aunt Wu was a benevolent meddler (see putting together the couple with the panda lily), but she also advised that one guy to never bathe, which doesn't benefit anyone in any way that I can see. So I've concluded that she's a Bumi level ("it's pretty fun messing with people") shit-stirrer instead. Her services may be free, but she manages to pay for a very big house, an assistant in Meng, and anime guy the bodyguard(?) so I guess grateful villagers give her donations? However she's doing it, she's got it made.

There was some sort of running theme with those large blue-billed ducks that lived in the village. If that was meant to have more meaning than just a running visual gag, I didn't pick up on it.

Meng had a surprising amount of depth and insight for what (I assume) is a one-episode character. Stalking aside, I liked her.

This episode's humourous look at the stupidity of the village (in fact the science denial of the village) is not as funny as it would have been in a pre-covid denial, pre-antivax, pre-"global warming is a hoax" world. A shallow viewing of this episode is still funny because the villagers are just SO dumb (except Meng), but the more you think about the villagers' actions and the conclusions they reach at the end of the episode (to not change AT ALL - at least the tribes made up in The Great Divide, a similarly idiot-filled episode), the more you morph into Sokka. These people have denied reality so hard that it's frustrating rather than funny to watch. Their head in the sand approach is not cute anymore.

I really wanted to like this episode. Like I said before, I wanted a goofy fun episode after the one-two punch of the last two episodes, but this one rapidly went from goofy to frustrating. I can't tell if it's because I'm not the target audience (i.e. too adult) or if it's because much of the world is currently drowning in various forms of misinformation and science denial. I know this episode isn't supposed to be deep - it's supposed to be setup for Aang & Katara as a (hopefully very distant) couple. That's all. And the message at the end about shaping your own destiny (i.e. taking an active part in your life) is a good message, and thematically relevant to the avatar, who presumably is at least somewhat responsible for shaping the whole world's destiny. But damn if this episode doesn't make my teeth itch.

Pros: Sokka had some great lines. Appa got to shake. There were pretty backgrounds. The noise Sokka made when he got slapped by the fish was a thing of beauty.

Cons: Aang and Katara are not allowed to date until they're 35. I will smack each villager individually upside the head with a science textbook. Meng deserved better.

Maybe I'm just not in the mood for this episode. I'll stick it on the rewatch list just for the Sokka fish noise.

#atla #avatar: the last airbender #the fortune teller #it should be THREE words fight me #avatar the last airbender

38 notes · View notes

bruhhhh-huhhhhh · 14 days

Note

first off, i’m special so these aren’t closed for me 😍.

okay i’m like 5’5 i think… dunno.

glasses, medium length brown hair, it’s like two inches above my shoulders, i have a biting problem.

i cannot leave unless i am wearing my converse, no other shoes.

i wear the same outfit everyday, jeans, tshirt, hoodie and converse.

i take way to many photos of the people i love, i looove cooking.

i have both daddy and mommy issues.

i don’t like headphones only earbuds? earphones? (idk help)

i fucking love pink, purple and green.

hmmmmmmmm, i have to listen to music if i’m not at home (i listen to music there too)

i do unfortunately enjoy the taste of cigarettes.

i’m terrified of touch but crave it.

is this good 😰?

fuck yeah boiiiiiii

(id like to formally apologize for that)

Oklay anyway for Overwatch I match you with...

Junkrat

Honestly my boy loves how much shorter than him you are

Don't worry though he won't make fun of you for it

not too much anyway

everything he buys you is pink, purple, or green after you tell him those are your favorite colors

offers to do your top surgery (don't let him he'll use bombs)

he doesn't get your obsession with converse (neither do i, buddy. neither do i) but he'll get them for you anyway

sometimes forgets how much touch scares you

it takes roadhog telling him off for jumping on you for him to get it

he'll be more careful after that

He loves posing for your pictures

no shame at all

will also let you take nudes of him but anyway thats for later

please cook for him he never has time to eat normal food

compliments your cooking all the time

he will get on his hands and knees and beg for you to cook for him bc its so good

also has a biting problem

likes to nibble on your shoulders

has broken your glasses at least once and roadhog had to fix them for you

and for Resident Evil I match you with...

Chris and Leon!

(i couldn't pick one LOL)

Best cure for daddy issues tbh

They both smoke I'm pretty sure, so you'll definitely get your taste of cigarettes when you kiss them

Leon would definitely help you cook dinner

Chris, meanwhile, is banned from the kitchen because he can't cook to save his life

no one can tell me otherwise

anyway

Leon would definitely try and get you to branch out your outfits a little more, but Chris honestly finds your outfits cool as fuck

mostly because he wishes he could pull that off all the time

You have the best photos of the two of them arguing or doing stupid shit

Because they literally never stop arguing or doing stupid shit

Leon supplies your music addiction while Chris sits there and tries to talk to you, not realizing you have your headphones in

I'm talking full ass conversation that only stops when Leon tells him that you're listening to music and can't hear him

They never speak of it

Leon does use it as embarrassment fuel for whenever you aren't around

anyway thats all i got hope this is good idk im half alseep rn

11 notes · View notes

jedibinx · 2 months

Note

I miss J so much. He is such a fascinating character and hands down the hottest and most skillful dom I have ever known 🖤 I think about that fic so often and wonder if you are going to continue J's and Jeres story? I am also obsessing over his Pinterest, thank you very much for making him as addictive as some strange drug, he is going to be the end of me at this rate 😭

I love that you love J so much because I love them too and it makes my day whenever they're mentioned ^_^ They are my drug too, literally addicted and I am always updating the pinterest as if it's mine lmao I don't think I've logged into my pinterest for weeks XD

Short answer is I am! :D I've started writing the J/Jere fic, set in the AU already set out in "Tell Me I'm A Good Boy". It's going to be called "Let Go". :3

I've developed J a little; as a Dom, J goes by he/him pronouns, in their personal life they go by they/them pronouns, I've completed the backstory which will be revealed throughout the fic and I've got the fic all planned out too, just gotta write it all now :D

I am currently on chapter two, but I'll give you a lil snippet set from J's POV ;) I have to say as well it's been a real new experience writing about a character with they/them pronouns but I'm thoroughly enjoying it and exploring them in the fic too:

"It took J ages to get dressed. They would never admit it to anyone, but some days they struggled with the way they looked. J loved the two tone hair set into an early 2000s style emo fringe, falling into a dark mullet at the back. They loved their tattooed on makeup and the subsequent dermal piercings on the cheekbones. J especially loved it when they had put on all their piercings and the all black contacts made them feel complete.

It was just... some days they woke up and it felt like they were in someone else's body. Not tall enough, too much facial hair, not enough curves, too many curves, too muscular, not muscular enough, too much of this, not enough of that just... wrong. Like they were an invading species taking over someone's body as they were trying to get used to the new surroundings except it wasn't going very well.

That day was one of those days, J having particular difficulty with their top half. They were struggling to look in the mirror; not enough curves and not enough muscle, they hated the way their hips weren't pear shaped and just carried on flat against their sides. Because of this, it took J a substantial amount of time to choose something to wear. They settled on a long sleeved, black and white stripy turtle neck that cropped just where their pecs ended, a red tank top underneath to hide their stomach and hips away. The flared sleeves allowed J to glean some comfort from the sweater paws they created. Matching, stripy short shorts along with fish nets were chosen for their bottom half, happy with their legs that day, a small smile passing their lips as they put their red and black doc martens on, one of each colour with contrasting laces.

J gave themself one last look in the mirror, grabbing their backpack and placing it on their back. The overall look made J feel better; they didn't look that bad, their hair and makeup looked amazing, glittering under the soft lights of the apartment, their legs looked super cute and the extra height the shoes gave them helped somewhat."

#käärijä #ao3 writer #ao3 fanfic #jere pöyhönen #kaarija #jere from vantaa #jere poyhonen #J #jedibinx #fanfiction #new fic #my fanfiction #writer asks #i'm so excited about this one #i have got so many ideas you wouldn't even believe it #one idea definitely involves a pole dance to Rolling by Limp Bisket hehe

5 notes · View notes

strawberry-cowmilk · 2 years

Text

what shoes the brothers would wear

-> side characters here

a/n: I have to wait two weeks for my exam results, I am too lazy to do work and I have an unhealthy shoe addiction. Put 'em together and you get this. This is just for fun and my opinion/hcs, so please don't take it seriously. Also, I didn't really look closely at their canon shoes for this, I feel like that must be said. In this post, I will be roasting some shoes. Again, this is just my opinion and it's totally okay if you do like them.

I own none of the images used, I just put them together with an editing app.

no content warnings

-----

Lucifer

mostly formal shoes, one pair of oxfords and a pair of loafers

he also has this ancient pair of high-top dress shoes he rarely wears anymore

honestly doesn't own many shoes, but the ones he does own are made of high-quality material so they can last long

not much else to say

Mammon

the closest thing to a formal shoe he owns are combat boots

he owns a pair of fake jordans, but tells everyone they are the real, expensive thing and will argue with whoever claims they are fakes

also for some reason I see him wearing vans, but not the ordinary black ones

gucci slides, he brought the real ones but lost them so he went on akuzon and got dupes but the second the dupes arrived he found the real ones again, so mammon decided to throw the fakes out but he made a mistake and threw one fake and one real one away

Leviathan

I'm so sorry, levi stans

he buys 99% of shoes on akuzon, so when he bought the jordans for 20 grimm, he still thinks they're the real deal

levi owns a pair of those water shoes for some reason, and proudly wears them in a jacuzzi

he also thinks the water shoes count as formal wear

he owns flip flops in multiple colors and wears them when it is hot, with gym shorts.

Satan

look me in the eye and tell me satan doesn't wear converse

he has this pair of old hiking boots but he replaced them with timbs after the sole fell off

he owns a pair of formal dress shoes but they look like the love child of clown and bowling shoes

he, like lucifer, doesn't own many pairs as he spends his money on books

Asmodeus

I feel like asmo isn't somebody who would buy something a lot of others own too (like white air forces) but he still needs a pretty sneaker, so he got these fancy black and white ones

asmo surely owns a pair of heels, and they are beautiful (btw if anyone knows where to find those heels, or a look-alike in a US6/UK4/EU37, please let me know, I'm too lazy to diy them UPDATE: I found them, thanks anon in my asks)

he also owns a pair of over-the-top platforms, mostly for photoshoots

asmo also owns some oxfords he got for special occasions, but rarely wears them as he goes for the heels instead, unless he's gonna have to walk a lot

he has a lot of other shoes too

Beelzebub

footwear isn't his priority

he has two sneakers: one for everyday wear and one for sports, but sometimes he mixes them up

beel also owns teva knock-offs he got in the discount bin at the dollar store and I feel like he'd wear them with socks

sometimes steals mammon's gucci slides when he quickly wants to buy food

Belphegor

I know almost for sure he is a dr martens owner

but, he heard the breaking-in horror stories and decided to buy second hand ones to skip the step

belphie also owns the bunny slippers mc got for him, he claimed they are dumb but is afraid to wear and accidentally ruin them

also got a pair of regular slides for ease purposes

205 notes · View notes

onwriting-hrarby · 8 months

Note

How’d you like the show?! I agree it was very differnt I consider them two different pieces of media myself

I think the changes suited the show but I find it a shame that two of my favorite camila scenes were cut or lacked the impact they had in the book :,)

Oh oh anon get ready for a rant! My thoughts about differences film vs book:

Okay so far I'm liking the show because I'm seeing it as a total different thing, but overall I wouldn't say that the show is better whatsoever, and most of the changes just don't make sense regarding the story of the book.

One of the things is that the book READS like a show, like a false documentary, and I think it would have been so interesting to maintain the main aspects of it: the unreliability, the shorter scene cuts (can we talk about Warren's obsession with Karen fucking Bones?! And how I was laughing every time he came up with it and then Graham kept like telling how he was fucking Karen?) and, overall, the severity in which they spoke all the time. The book had you hooked not because you knew it would end badly (how the series puts it) but because you didn't know the truth. I truly don't understand how you have a great base material for a show and you don't stick to it. Even in said dialogues... The dialogues in the book are just BETTER. Use them!

What they did to some characters doesn't make sense to me, or it's another series completely. Getting rid of Pete, although Pete just gives his version at the end (I actually thought, in the book, that he had died before giving the interview, similarly to Chuck) makes sense in a casting point of view but, again, it diminishes the resentment the band has towards those days. The relationship between Graham and Karen doesn't feel organic: why does Carol appear? In the book, Graham and Karen know each other A LONG TIME before Karen develops feelings, and it's not because she is suddenly jealous. God, that is... just not Karen! Karen who always wants to be an assured woman, who really calls the shots... To fall into this cliché again... Also: Eddie. Why, why is he in love with Camilla? For God's sake, it's easy enough to hate Billy! In the book, I hated Billy too. But in the show, they put him like the two goody-shoes, talented front man who messes up constantly and yes, okay, he's a little bit narcissistic BUT in the book he is INCREDIBLY narcissistic and that's why Eddie can't stand him. What they did to Camilla... I am raging. Camilla is the mother SUPERIOR in the book. She is caring and understanding but also not afraid of anything, and similarly to Karen, she calls the shots the majority of the time. I feel like they got rid of so many Camilla scenes in which she says that she chooses this path with Billy but Billy also chooses this path with Camilla. Their love in the book is not romantic, is not a triangle, because Billy knows what's at stake and doesn't want to lose it. And Daisy—Daisy was already famous when she met The Six. Everyone in LA knew her, being it for the night scene or for her music. I really liked that the stardom of Daisy in the book was much more organic in how she opened for The Six before joining the band. In having her like "a wonder" they diminished her perseverance and her hard work. They also made her (and Billy) less of an addicts, or they don't really show that part, and I felt like I was just watching two egos without the addiction, which I feel is one of the topics of the book.

But the worse, for me, was how they change the message of the book in the film... The book talks about perseverance: in love, in staying clean, in music, in your job. I love the way Billy refuses to be with Daisy in the book because he doesn't want to mess up what he has with Camilla, because he loves Camilla and wants to be a good father. He's a character with strong ideals that despises his own childhood and knows how difficult it was for him and Graham, so he does everything possible to not be the same. Similarly for Daisy, her childhood was horrible until she started writing music. Her love for Billy doesn't come of romantic love, but it's the first time that someone sees her for what she really is—a talented, worthy individual—and Billy portrays this kind of admiration because he is also good. Daisy, in the book, doesn't fit into the band. They are not the "found family" I felt they were in the series, and that's alright, because Daisy is not looking for another family, she's looking for a profession that dignifies her. By changing Billy and Daisy's relationship in the show—and I think I spoilt myself the ending, which enraged me further—they completely changed the message and the theme and they made it a show about LOVE. And the book is not about LOVE! The show felt Hollywood for me. The book, the main thing I liked from it, is that it wasn't. It's so human. It's so—"job". It talks about job, music, passion and the ways it makes us horrible and we try to keep it up. It doesn't talk about a man who falls in love with a co front-man but they are bad for each other and they choose not to stay together, oh, two flames burning! Even all of the other characters have the "love" theme revolving around them (Eddie and Camilla, Karen and her jealousy, SIMONE AND BERNIE!). Can't we just... can't we just appreciate friendship and professional connections without implying that all that happens is because of romantic love? Gosh!

So, too long to read: I like the series and the book because they read differently. But I would never, ever for a life, tell someone to just see the series. The book is amazing, intelligent, witty, mature. The series are some romance series. Which is fine if you're looking for romance, but not if you're looking for the topics in the series.

how did you like it??? i'm open to discussion because it has been my hyperfixation these last few days!

#daisy jones and the six #taylor jenkins reid #riley keough #sam clafin #amazon series

7 notes · View notes

angelofverdum · 11 months

Text

Yellowjackets S02E09

I love Yellowjackets because I love these characters. I care for them. They are just kids trying to survive. I also think that's the main problem. They thought about the young yellowjackets storyline but failed to figure out how to make the adult storyline interesting.

They can't just expect the actress' charm and chemistry to carry the adult plotline.

Anyways, I love that in this episode, they showed how Shauna does her thing. No wonder my girl is messed up. She has to do it alone. I guess before wasn't that bad bc she was cutting animals, but now she is cutting people that she knows. Damn, not too much on her.

Also, of course, Adam's body had perfect cuts. Shauna used to do it with her eyes close. She is just a kid, please.

The "haunting" scene was boring. Like, those women weren't going to run around those woods, that's for sure. They walked like three steps before Callie showed up.

I love that Callie shot first, then talked. She could have pointed that gun and asked them to back up, but she just went there mad as hell.

I have to confess that Adult Nat was my least favorite. I don't if it was because of Juliette's performance or what, but I didn't care about her, but that death was so dumb and lazy. Some people used the word corny.

Putting aside the fact that they killed her with fentanyl, so the world now thinks she was an addict. Christina Ricci is like two apples tall. Juliette could have easily smacked that syringe out of her hand.

Then they add slow motion, flashbacks, hallucinations, and music. Like, damn let me sit with it. Let Misty realize what she did.

The cop's plot was too long and uninteresting just for Walter saved the day.

Why did Jeff send Callie to look for Shauna alone in an unknown place that's probably a cult in the night? Dumb

Shauna saving her diaries and Jackie's dress was the best thing about that fire. Bitching about how she should have been the antler queen? real

I'm glad that Callie showed up there to save Shauna. But what were they doing at Lottie's? There was no reason for them to be there.

At least Nat didn't die in that ugly ass dress with those ugly ass shoes.

For a moment, I thought they were eating Javi raw. The fact that Travis could eat Javi's heart without shame and Shauna had to hide to eat Jackie's ear.

Nat the antler queen? Seems fake, but go off I guess

The way Taissa said it was "Van's plan." Like damn, nobody put a gun to your head to do it.

Everything was Van's plan so she could live? Honestly, it seems possible.

They send Lottie away again. They used to be a proper team. This is why Jackie was the captain.

They knew what had happened to Lottie. And all of them are so messed up. Taissa literally killed her dog and almost her wife. Why do they keep treating Lottie like shit?

Mind you, they never found Krystal's body. They could have fed themselves for a while.

How is Ben still standing? The last thing they ate was Jackie, and they were almost hallucinating when they were hunting Natalie. Ben hasn't eaten since before Jackie. How is he strong enough to burn the cabin? He can't be living on gay hallucinations only.

For the next season, I'm begging Showtime and the showrunners or whoever is responsible for the show promo: stop with the spoilers.

Don't show episodes to people, don't release whole ass scenes, and be careful with the teaser and promo pic. Educate your actors so they don't post things before the episode on social media.

#Rambles #yellowjackets #shauna sadecki #nat scatorccio #lottie mathews #van palmer #misty quigley #Bring back Jackie #kill Ben

18 notes · View notes

the-eldritch-it-gay · 1 year

Note

If i may ask, what's disco elysium? What's it abt? I know nothing abt it and im genuinely curious to know from someone who's into it

man i'm bad at explaining as my family can attest to as they've listened to my rambling explanations.

to put it simply, disco elysium is a sort of roleplay video game where you play as a detective trying to solve a murder. you have a bunch of skills you can put points in, and there's plenty of checks in the game where you have to try to use those skills to further the case or do side-quests and such. the main story is you are an amnesic cop who's mentally not doing great, and you've been tasked with a case of a dead body in a tree. so you have to figure out what happened, but also who you are, what you believe in, what from the past is haunting you even though you can't remember it. it explores themes of addiction, mental health, memory, politics, corruption, but also has a lot of funny moments. the game has a beautiful art style and is incredibly detailed and immersive. to me, it's a game where grief and memories loom over every aspect and shape every moment, even if you don't even know the shape of it.

my friend ori first described it to me as

like it’s a beautiful introspection on like. what happens when you dwell on the past too much. a compassionate view of addicts. suicide. alcoholism. corrupt policing systems. it also has some weird gay shit in it (positive) but it’s not the focus

there's also a really great video by Jacob Geller about it (which is spoiler free, except for a small skippable section) and that lowkey is what made me want to play it.

I personally think going into it largely blind really is a good experience, because your character himself has complete amnesia and knows nothing about himself or the world he's in, so you can learn right alongside him and feel in his shoes a bit.

#Eldritch IT Answers #Anonymous

13 notes · View notes

pie-of-flames · 1 year

Text

Beatles Break Up

New here, nobody knows me but I have opinions, so I'm answering this question.

10. If you were going to blame a single person for the Beatles' break-up, who would it be?

I'm new to the fandom and not the most knowledgeable person, but my current opinion is mostly John. (#something happened in India). Brian's death plus John's marriage falling apart plus whatever happened in India sent John into a downward spiral. We know he was deeply depressed in the latter part of the India trip and after his return to England. I think everything he did after that was his attempt to deal with his emotional pain, including hooking up with Yoko, doing heroin and latching onto Klein as a savior. Those things lead to the breakup.

I think that he probably had borderline personality disorder. (Caveat: not a psychologist, but I have personal experience that informs my conclusion.) People with BPD latch onto a "favorite person" on whom they're dependent for mental well-being. PAUL, then YOKO. They have no internal sense of self or identity, so they depend on others to create it. (PAUL and THE BEATLES, then YOKO) Consequently, they easily feel rejected based on imagined slights. Their psyche can't tolerate their favorite person (or others) rejecting them. Once they feel rejected, they have to do a 360 and reject the favorite person in turn to protect themselves from that all-consuming feeling of rejection, which is a threat to their sense of self. They find "evidence" to support this rejection story and fully believe in it even if it has no basis in reality.

Does this sound like anybody we know?

John - see his comments all through the 70's and his continuing obsession with Paul years after the fact. Also fear of abandonment is a common obsession of those with BPD. You can easily see how this fits John. (Parents rejecting him, always afraid of being abandoned.) People with BPD commonly suffered childhood trauma. They also commonly use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and fill the emptiness inside. They take absolutely everything personally. And they can't put themselves in other people's shoes at all. They're incapable of it.

They also feel emotions intensely, way more intensely than most people. It's difficult for average people to understand. The emotions can be overwhelming, sometimes to the degree that every day life is difficult. (and drugs are a great way to dull those emotions). They just can't handle things the way most people can. Also they have no boundaries because they need to fully mesh with someone to feel OK.

Something happened in India™ that made it intolerable for John to keep Paul as his "favorite person." It could just have been that Paul left early and John read that as personal rejection when he wasn't feeling well mentally. Someone with BPD could definitely have reacted that way and justified their emotional reaction with a bunch of made-up stuff. Or maybe he did approach Paul sexually and Paul rejected him. John was probably also threatened by Paul's engagement to Jane. Whatever it was, it's reasonable to interpret his subsequent behavior as trying to move on from Paul as his "favorite person."

Yoko had been pursuing John for a long time after she didn't get anywhere with Paul. Here she was, offering herself up as a way out of John's dilemma. He immediately latched on to her like a lifesaver. Which she literally was. He couldn't tolerate the situation he was in emotionally. She could provide him a new identity, apart from Paul. I mean, John and Yoko spent one night together and suddenly were soulmates and creative partners? Who does that? Someone with BPD.

Then she got him hooked on heroin. Heroin allowed him to escape the Paul and Beatles situation and mesh more fully with Yoko. And once he was addicted, it took over his life. He was literally incapable of fully engaging with Paul and the Beatles, and it made creating music more difficult. He grew more reliant on Yoko to navigate life for him and to be a partner in addiction. (eg speaking for John in Get Back meeting) The other Beatles couldn't understand him any more and he'd cut himself off from them with his Yoko and heroin obsessions. In Episode 1 of Get Back, he's not really there. He looks totally out of it and barely interacts. He definitely looks high at some points. He rebounds in the later episodes - the change is remarkable and I wonder if he's taking some other drug to counteract the effects.

He wanted Paul to save him, but Paul decided he wouldn't/couldn't. It's not clear what exactly John wanted Paul to do, but bringing Yoko to the studio etc, was a clear provocation. Having her right next to him constantly while they were trying to work? Who does that? Someone with no boundaries who has insatiable emotional needs. who wants to show their former "favorite person" that they can survive without them with a new "favorite person." Maybe Paul was tired of dealing with John's needs after a dozen years. Dealing with BPD people is difficult and exhausting. I suspect if Paul had "saved" him, the Beatles wouldn't have broken up in the way they did. But maybe it was too late.

"Walking on eggshells" is a common experience for people close to a BPD sufferer, who often explodes and has temper tantrums caused by their overwhelming, intense emotions. Maybe Paul didn't want to confront John about Yoko or anything else because he was afraid John would blow up or quit on the spot. Drug use exacerbates the emotional rollercoaster.

A healthy person could've stayed in the Beatles and had a new relationship at the same time. But John couldn't because being in the Beatles meant being confronted with Paul's perceived rejection of him, not to mention his jealousy of Paul's musical ability and feeling bad about himself. (Paul has a million song ideas, creates Get Back, Let It Be and Long and Winding Road practically instantaneously, while John has almost nothing, Paul always asking him for songs.)

Anyway, I think John's heroin addiction is crucial to the break up. An addict isn't emotionally available, they only care about the drug (and for John, Yoko by extension), they feel lousy when they're not high and they don't have good judgment.

Which brings me to Klein. Klein knew how to flatter John and appeal to his needs but in addition, John needed to be rescued. Klein promised to do that. Brian had always taken care of everything and now he wasn't there. (These guys had never had to be functioning adults! They went from being teens to gigantic superstars who had everything done for them. Their accountant bought their houses! They never carried cash!) The combination of intense emotional need plus addiction got in the way of John being able to see Klein for what he was; he ignored the warning signs that Klein couldn't be trusted. Yoko supported this because she seems to have never even liked the Beatles and wanted John to go out on his own with her? (Just surmising. I don't know much about her.)

Obviously, things happened over time that made the situation worse, but John caused the trajectory towards breakup, IMHO. I think he suffered from serious mental illness made worse by drug use. He became unmoored when his pillars of semi-stability eroded - Brian and Cynthia and (something happened in India™} Paul. His mental illness made the situation emotionally intolerable for him and he had to extract himself, leading to Yoko and heroin. Those things, in turn, lead to further separation from and difficulty communicating with Paul and the band. Etc etc. etc.

#the beatles #Beatles break up #john lennon #paul mccartney #borderline personality disorder #amateur psychology #this is possibly stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about #something happened in india #Brian epstein #yoko ono

7 notes · View notes

eleemosynecdoche · 8 months

Note

oh fun an ask meme. Shou Toramaru

Shoe size: tigers have big paws :3. 27 (10.5 US), 3E.

Would she step in and handle it? Bishamonten is a Wisdom King, of course she'd step in and handle it!

Favorite music genre: ever since Myouren Temple got an internet connection for Byakuren to order spare bike parts, she can be found zoned out in front of videos of the techno/EDM-themed Buddhist sermons that one monk does.

The depraved raunchy porn-addicted stuff: I think that she's definitely had sex with Byakuren in that past and probably on occasion currently. UDoaLG implies that if anything's going on with Nazrin it's some kind of lifestyle BDSM thing, so she possibly never actually has Nazrin go dowsing between her thighs. I also kind of think she's had casual things with Nue and Mamizou recently, and probably all of Byakuren's initial set of disciples fucked each other. Vajrayana, you know. Esotericism. Can't trust those corrupt monks and their love of the three-finger discount.

Not much romance as such, she's reasonably serious about the Buddhism, and in re fucked up gay shit, there's Nazrin. There's also room for her to discreetly offer curving laser services for the discerning masochist if I'm feeling silly. :)

General thoughts?

It's kind of interesting that Shou incarnates a Wisdom King and Byakuren gets called a buddha by Reimu and Marisa but it's Byakuren who's more active and doing things in the world. I dunno if that's commenting on the status of Buddhism in Gensokyo, Byakuren's Buddhism being kinda inverted, or Shou being who humans talk to (if you're not an incident resolver).

Probably all the Buddhist core have PTSD on some level or another. I dunno if I think anything specific about that yet, but it does make some of the Symposium of Post-Mysticism articles a bit different contextually... and also makes them feel kinda vulnerable. Protect these weirdos, etc.

Haha funny tiger lady relives the trauma of having her emblem of enlightenment taken away.

#touhou #touhou asks #th19 spoilers #shou toramaru

3 notes · View notes

cheesefanboy2 · 1 year

Text

The Oc-verse - Simp Party

A/N: OCV! Fang and Nightmare's siblings walking into simp party universe. Yall this does get pretty chaotic lol. I was excited to write this so it gets kinda bad ig. Also, both Fang and Nightmare got killed in the simp party universe.

@insane-horror-movie-addict @nightmareeffect

Fang lazily marched alongside the twins, her wrists wrapped neatly in specialized metal cuffs, specially made just for her. Strands of her black hair overshadowed her eyes, and it somewhat acted as a shield to the beaming sunlight in this strange world she had been transported in. She glared at Nightmare's two little siblings, as they excitedly stomped through the forest, leaving little flames in her path. The two teens were getting more impatient by the second, and it was a funny sight to see the demi-Gods so angry.

" So, why the fuck did I get dragged her again? '' Fang asked. The twins looked back at her and glared, that angry look in their eyes told Fang to shut the fuck up.

" You are the idiot that let her travel on her own. " Artmeis huffed out.

" And the only idiot who is able to universe-hop for that matter! You're the only person who could've brought her here, dumbie! " Apollo added.

" As soon as we get back, you are due for a public execution. " Artemis stated in a furious tone. She was losing the little amount of patience she had, and the fact she had to walk in public was disgusting. She hated humans, and walking among the little maggots made her wanna tear this entire world apart. They were only good for pie.

" This world is filled with mostly humans. Don't get too excited, we are going to harvest most of them and bring them back home to eat! "

" What makes you think I'm gonna help you, little shits, kill my own kind? " Fang rolled her eyes. Her hands uncomfortably shifted in the metal cuffs.

" Because humans are disgusting little maggots, and I'm not touching them. If you don't kill them, I'll just have to feed you to my rats instead! " Apollo threatened, yielding her ax threateningly, " Don't test me Fang, I will hunt down that boy you've been talking to and I will have him hang. "

Fang's eyes widened, before she glared. Sometimes she forgets how far the two little assassins will go to get exactly what they want— or to be precise, what Nightmare wants. Nightmare was already damn good at it, she knew how to manipulate people extremely well, it didn't help that she was extremely gorgeous. To make matters even worse, Nightmare had been teaching her younger siblings to do the same.

'...Such pretentious bitches.' Fang huffed and dragged herself along with the twins. The twins had been getting so pissed off, Apollo had yanked Fang by her arm and pinned her to the ground, the sharpened end of her boots digging into Fang's face. Only these two little bitches would have boots with knives underneath them.

" You seem to be forgetting who we are, human. Our sister killed millions of your people with a single hand and minimal effort! " Apollo threatened, her heel began to draw blood on Fang's face since the pre-teeb had been grinding her shoe into the girl's face.

" I will easily take away your other limbs. You're already at a disadvantage with those pathetic cybernetic limbs. " Artemis's eyes were terrifying, as they were luminous, even in the forest. " Now as we tear this apart looking for our sister, you better be useful to us, human-scum. Or we're calling Nightmare."

"Or Akuma!" Apollo smiled, pretending to faint at the mention of her name. Artemis quickly caught her, playing along with the little game.

Fang's eyes narrowed and huffed, standing up with a glare at the demonic entities.

" Whatever. "

Artemis took hold of Apollo's hands, and closely intertwined their fingers together as the siblings performed a possession ritual. A ritual where two demons take hold of each other's physical bodies and fuse into each other, creating a being much larger and more powerful. Despite Fang having a hatred for demons— this ritual always had her eyes glued and amazed at the beautiful sight. Their bodies molded into each other, as a much more powerful being started to tower over the forest, and huge eyes stared at Fang with psychotic intention.

" I forgot how GREAT it feels to be me! " The fusion towered over every single tree in their line of sight. They twirled their double sided ax, slicing the huge blade through dozens of tree and leaving them to waste.

" Don't fail us, or we will hang you, human! " The being who had been at least 50 ft tall, laughed at Fang mockingly before running off to look for their sister.

[☆~☆~☆]

The arena of Zalgo was a cruel place.

Proxy blood was scattered across the arena, tired bodies desperately trying to regain their breaths. The demons watch their display of carnage amongst each other, purely for their sick sense of entertainment. The last two proxies who had managed to stand up even after this horrid display of bloodshed, Elias and Anni. Despite how they were enemy proxies— they couldn't find it in themselves to fight anymore, especially if it was purely for their God's entertainment. Elias held out a weak hand to Anni. She hesitantly looked at him, before intertwining her fingers along his, taking his hand and hoisting herself up. Blood cascaded from both of their faces, as they both looked at the Gigglers. The four of them had been still standing; despite having limbs torn off and pink liquid profusely leaking from their mouths and eyes.

After Akuma killed Fang and Nightmare, they could barely fight each other anymore. They just wanted it to be over. But right as they were about to fight, a teenager with purple hair and pretty yellow eyes appeared in the middle of everything— with a sweet smile on her face.

The Gods above watched with peaked interest. Akuma giggled profusely, and kicked her legs as her eyes filled with pure twisted euphoria. Her eyes had a sharp mischievous look— the way they devilishly started to give off a luminous glow, " Looks like I'm winning! Oh~ isn't that so unfortunate. I was excited to see what your proxies could do! But…they're only human after all~ " Akuma had a fake sympathetic look in her eye. Slenderman seemed irritated by this woman's presence.

" I doubt your proxies will be up for any longer. Keiran and Royce seem to be very promising among my collection of proxies, they will be up in no time. " Zalgo tilted his head, picking at a deceased griffin carcass. His gangly fingers continuously yanked off the remains, despite him having too much, he still wanted more. He displayed gluttony through his grotesque actions, slaying beasts endlessly when he already had so much, his gluttony would never end.

Zalgo tilted his head, smirking as he set his chin on top of the hands he had clasped together, " My proxies will quickly recover. I've trained them to be resilient in any situation. " Slenderman explained, slight mocking laced in his tone.

Akuma's eye twitched.

" Your proxies will not last long without their wit, Akuma. They're strong, but their mind is gone, putting them at a mild disadvantage, "

Her eye twitched again. He really liked to get on her nerves, didn’t he? Who did Slenderman think he was? To her, he was nothing but an old man.

" Their childish behavior that mirrors yours will do nothing but harm them. You obviously don't know how to properly train your proxies. "

And yet another twitch appeared. That was her limit. This old hag didn’t know when to stop provoking people, did he? He thinks he's so high and mighty.

" You're far too childish and immature to even be considered a Goddess. "

Burning rage hissed through her body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. He seemed too triumphal for her liking, which spurred on her fury like oil to a flame. Right as she was about to jump onto the table, and swing her ax through Slenderman's neck, 909 interrupted.

" I'd hate to interrupt you, my mistress, but an unknown entity has entered the ring. " Akuma swiftly turned her head to get a peak at what was going on down in the arena.

" Please, allow me to help you, Ace! " A young demon girl with purple hair looked at the incubus with hopeful eyes, attempting to help him up while a wound was carved inside of his stomach.

" Who the f—fuck are you? " Ace coughed up more blood, after being immensely beaten up by the Gigglers.

" You may not know me, but I know you. Just from another world— I can save you, so please trust me and hold still. " Flare's hands radiated a strange light as she saved Ace while he had been on the brink of death. The wound that appeared on his stomach suddenly disappeared, and not even a scar remained. The happy-go-lucky girl stood up, and continued her work, helping every god-forsaken proxy on this battlefield. One by one, their wounds were healed by this mysterious young girl.

Akuma looked pissed, and almost tore her hair out. " No…no…no…NO. NO. NO! " She nearly tore her cotton-candy colored hair out from her scalp, her teeth clenching so hard they looked like they were on the brink of shattering. Her grip tightened on her battle–axe while she was about to cut that young girl's head off clean from her neck. Her eye twitched profusely as she attempted to smile, but she only continued to twitch.

Flare smiled at Anni, holding her hand out,

" We will meet again, Anni! I'm not entirely sure if you remember me, but I am the girl who frequently gets kidnapped. " Anni shook her hand, and this caused Flare to smile as bright as her flames.

" I have to hurry and help everyone before my siblings come! " Flare turned her smile into a cute determined look, as her amber eyes looked around for the Gigglers.

" Who the fuck is she.. " Elias asked Anni in an awkward tone. Anni shook her head slightly with a smile on her face,

" Honestly, I met her while we were both kidnapped. She's really nice…it’s a little scary because she befriends anyone and everyone. No matter how terrible they are. " Anni laughed and scratched the back of her head in slight confusion.

Little did Flare know, Akuma was about to slaughter her.

[☆~☆~☆]

Fang marched through the forest with an angry expression, her hands still strapped in cuffs. Her ears picked up screaming of all types, and her head swiftly turned. Her cybernetic senses picked up a power similar to Akuma's, but much weaker. That was impossible, Nightmare and Vesper had long ago locked away their older sister in a prison specially made for her— even the Gigglers were locked away with her. There was no way Akuma could have gotten out.

Sweat profusely dripped down her forehead, what if Flare was hurt? She hated all the Lafayette siblings, but Flare was an exception, she truly was the only person who had treated her like a human being and saved her on multiple occasions. Fang would risk her life if it meant saving her best-friend in the face of any harm. She jumped through the forest, eyes growing in horror as the sky had become a hue of pink, which meant Akuma's proxies were out. But there was no way they could have gotten out. which means this world has its own version of Akuma and her proxies. Shit.

Fang switched her prosthetic hand into a blade; a weapon specially made for her by Dr. Lexi. The blade was pristine, and quick, created to match Fang's personality, it even switched weapons based on what Fang felt like using. She had been tracking for miles already— she was getting closer to Flare by the second. She would have contacted the twins, but she guaranteed the twins were going to find Flare soon. They were known for their tracking capabilities— and were probably just causing havoc among this world before coming to their main objective.

Finally, Fang located the place Flare had been in.

Fang was watching from above, her hands still encased in handcuffs, watching in horror as Akuma was about to strike Flare with her axe.

To be continued…

A/N: Haha. Cliffhanger. What will happen in part 2? Will Artemis and Apollo come into the arena? Will OCV! Fang fight Akuma? How does OCV Nightmare fit into all this? Will Akuma recognize Flare? (They're sisters.) Will I actually finish this?

#lol. lol. lol. lol.

6 notes · View notes

thechangeling · 2 years

Text

Seven days

Cw: Mentions of alcohol, addiction to alcohol, drinking, mentions of ableism, sex and a brief mention of suicide.

I was having a conversation with someone about how many autistic people struggle with addiction and substance abuse issues (including me) and I decided to write this. Enjoy.

Day one:

I'm not quite sure how I should even address this. Dear journal or dear diary seems inaccurate seeing as this isn't so much a journal as a log of sorts. Addressing it in general feels counterproductive because I don't intend for anyone else other then myself to read this.

I suppose I could just leave it with no introduction or address of any kind as I do with my various experiments. After all what is this is not an experiment of sorts? Albeit a ridiculous one. I was speaking with Alyssa the other day and she told me that I had a problem.

No one else would be so bold. Part of why I love her so much is that she says the things no one else can say. But this time it was just infuriating. She seems to think I have a problem with alcohol.

Which is stupid. Utterly insane. I am at the top of my class. I have not committed any I have not recently committed any crimes.

All things considered I am relatively put together, or as put together as someone like me can possibly be. So I sometimes drink during the day? It is not completely unheard of. So I get drunk by myself? It's certainly better than going to loud parties.

And besides, I'm eighteen years old just like she is. It's perfectly normal for me to be getting drunk and passing out. I'm not a child and Alyssa was supposed to be the one person who wouldn't coddle me. So after picking me out of the bushes last night, (and after I ended up throwing up on her new shoes) she issued me a challenge. Or an experiment as I've been calling it.

Go seven days without drinking. Easy.

It shouldn't even be a challenge.

Day two:

Doing fairly well so far but I am starting to get prominent headaches. It is unclear whether they are connected to my sobriety or not. More data is required.

Something I am noticing is I miss the numbness that alchohol affords me. Now whenever I feel angry or sad or lonely about Livvy or school or Ki other things, I need to bare it instead of replacing it with a nice fuzzy warmth. I also used to drink to deal with sensory overload. If things were to bright or too loud I could dampen that a bit. But oh well.

It's not like I need it.

I keep having this phantom twitch in my fingers everytime I want a drink which I first dismissed as a stim. And maybe it is, but I did notice that it is usually accompanied by that burning feeling under my skin and in my skull which means it's time for another shot or another can of the latest fruity concoction Alyssa has gotten me into (in a way this is technically her fault she should know better by now).

It always starts the same, no one stops me (which is a good thing) and then by the end of the night she and anyone else around me are giving me those looks. The look that is part pity part annoyance.

I am all too familiar with The Look.

And it makes me so furious because why are you so upset? This is what people do. They drink and have fun. Why should I be any different? Alyssa stopped suggesting we go out after she found the empty vodka bottles under my bed. After that I had to convert to more unconventional methods of getting around her.

I started filling water bottles and thermoses with vodka and seeing as she was the one with the actual ID, I had to resort to using my glamour rune to steal alchohol from the nearest convenience store. Perhaps I should feel guilty but it was a victimless crime, the corporation is worth millions.

As Ali would say, "be gay do crime."

I'm going on 72 hours now. I'll be fine.

Day three:

Fuck this. Why am I doing this anyways? I don't have anything to prove. Fuck Alyssa. Fuck Anush. Fuck everybody.

I haven't been able to sleep which isn't exactly new, but usually drinking helps. I am so fucking exhausted. I skipped my first class which is something I've never done before. But skipping one isn't a disaster. I just needed to sleep.

Not that it actually worked though. I just found myself staring up at the ceiling, my mind racing against me.

I just feel so angry. At everyone and everything. Livvy keeps disappearing and I can't figure out why. And then there's the thing that I never let myself think about.

Fuck Kit Herondale.

Based on what I've heard someone already is.

See this is why I don't like being sober.

Apparently sober me is an asshole.

But I don't think I used to be.

Day Four:

And now I can't run from what I was avoiding. I miss him. I miss him so much and it hurts.

Everything hurts. My head, my skin, my muscles. But most of all my heart. I miss Alyssa and Anush actually talking to me instead of treating me like a time bomb. I miss Livvy actually being here and being able to hold her. And I miss Kit. More than I would care to admit.

I feel so much of everything and I just wish it would stop. I try to do what I've always done, bury myself in school work or a new project or sex or my special interest, but it seems now that even Sherlock cannot save me from this because everywhere I go and everything I do I just ache.

It burns. In the way where I'm furious with him, and also in the way where I blame myself. If I wasn't sober at the moment then I wouldn't be able to recall the way he cried and the way his voice broke when he

No.

No I'm actually not doing this.

Day five:

I am not the biggest fan of Sherlock adaptions overall, mostly because they have a tendency to be terrible. But perhaps BBC Sherlock was an outlier that should not have been counted.

However I do have a certain fondness for Elementry. It is not even particularly faithful to the source material and yet there is something about it.

My favorite thing about the show overall is most likely a quote from Sherlock (or the show's version of Sherlock) discussing his sobriety.

"My sobriety is simply a grind. It's just this leaky faucet that requires constant maintenance, and in return offers only not to drip. used to imagine that a relapse would be the climax to some grand drama. Now I think that if I were to use drugs again, it would in fact be an anticlimax. It would be a surrender to the incessant drip, drip, drip of existence."

I think I understand that now. And I think I am tired of the drip of existence

Day one:

Ok. So I screwed up. Last night is a bit of a blur but I think I may have called Kit. I have no memory of what was said. I can't decide if this is better or worse then the alternative.

I just remember missing him. Feeling angry. Feeling betrayed. Being in love, the cause of all my fucking problems. I just needed to to stop.

I remember seeing Alyssa though. I thought that she would be angry, but she just seemed sad. Anush too. It wasn't until the morning when she tried to find my stash that we started fighting.

I tried to beg, to plead with her not to take it all. I told her I needed it but she said that was the reason she needed to get rid of it. And that was when it started to sink in.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I do have a problem. But even if that was true. Where do I go from here? How am I supposed to be sober forever?

How could any autistic person ever be sober forever?

I could never give up on life, never kill myself, purely for the reason that I honestly don't know what might happen to Livvy if I died. However, this isn't sustainable. One way or the other.

How am I meant to survive the rest of my life like this?

In the meantime I have the worst hangover.

Day who even gives a fuck two:

I feel a strong sense of deja vu.

Apparently experts state that I should be dealing with the issues that cause me to drink to get to the heart of the problem so to speak.

In that case, we'll be here until I am eighty.

Provided I live that long of course.

Very well. For the sake of my sister. For the sake of my family and my friends.

I have an abandonment complex combined with severe trauma over be raised to hate and feel shame towards myself for being autistic by my father who was then murdered in front of me by my older brother. My mother died of cancer when I was eight and I have been inadvertently treating Alyssa like a replacement ever since we met which really isn't fair to her.

Do to being rejected mocked or dehumanized by various people I am now so utterly convinced that I am undeserving of love that I often refuse to examine my true emotions around people out of the fear that I might realize something I cannot handle. I might realize that I need someone. That I love them. I have also been involved in two wars now and they were both before I had turned sixteen. My twin sister was murdered right in front of me and as a result I attempted to revive her but only was able to ressuruct her ghost which keeps disappearing and I can't figure out why.

And then there is also the other thing. The thing I never let myself think about. I still can't. I think I would rather drink. Hell I would rather lose a hand then have to face it.

Over my lifespan, I have developed a talent for putting up barriers between me and my emotions. For pushing painful memories down into a forbidden locked box and leaving them there. Compartmentalizing was how I have survived all these years, along with avoidance and trying to think my way out of my problems. And when that doesn't work, I find something to take me away.

Because I don't want to be here. Not like this.

I remember one night after Dru told me Kit had a girlfriend I drank two whole bottles of tequila and I despise tequila. Not to mention some other strange substance that smelled vaguely alcoholic, so I downed that as well. I remember physically wrestling that bottle out of Alyssa's hands like it was my lifeline. I suppose in a sense it was. I ignored the looks from Alyssa, Anush and my other classmates from the scholomance as I committed alchohol robbery from their party and retreated to my dorm.

The room blurred and swirled together as I finally reached my bed, but I remember feeling at peace. Not happy neccesarily. But the absence of pain, and that was enough.

What if nothing else in the world provides me with that feeling?

But I got through another day.

I got through another day and I am alive.

I suppose that counts for something.

So fun fact, I've actually been sober for thirty days. 😊 It sucks! But when you're getting hammered at Easter dinner you know you might have a problem.

Tagging: @lavender-scented-rat @littlx-songbxrd @have-a-holly-jolly-angstmas @phoenix-and-dragon @amchara @wagner-fell @sandersgrey @the-wckd-powers @spooky-drusilla @ellexu

#ty blackthorn #tda #twp #tsc #tw alcohol

23 notes · View notes