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a-night-like--this · 1 year

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‘Robert Smith isn’t people’s perceptions’: Stories behind classic photos of The Cure

As the Cure head out on tour across the UK, renowned photographer Tom Sheehan takes us on a trip through some classic pictures of the band.

LAURA KELLY

Tom Sheehan has been taking photos of The Cure since the ’80s. Snatching moments on tour in dressing rooms around the world. Persuading the band to pose in major European cities. Capturing that intense connection Robert Smith has with the camera, and acting as a conduit to the readers of Melody Maker, NME, Sounds and Record Mirror.

Sheehan’s new book The Cure: Pictures of You is a visual record of one of the UK’s most influential bands. As The Cure head out on tour across the UK, Sheehan looks back on his decades of working with the band to share his memories and the behind-the-scenes stories of some of his favourite shots.

The first time I met Robert [Smith] and Lol [Tolhurst, the Cure’s former drummer] was at the Shepherds Bush Hilton in 1982. The Cure were supporting the Banshees, and Robert was also playing in the Banshees so he was a tired boy, I guess.

We were under the cosh because they were about to head off to soundcheck. So, my journalist colleague got about 20 minutes on tape. I got a few frames of them going through a revolving door going out of the hotel. When I look at those pictures, I see there’s a lot of humour going on.

On that half roll of film, the majority of them they’re larking about and Robert was smiling. It was a very comfortable entry into the world of The Cure. There’s that kind of rolling humour that The Cure have, which, luckily for me, I seem to have tapped into from our very first encounter. The perception of Robert at that time wasn’t a very happy guy. He isn’t what people’s perceptions of him are.

Prior to a band recording or doing a gig or whatever, there’s always a little bit of camaraderie. You’re setting things up and there might be a little bit of joshing going on, but the minute you start rolling, you’re working. I’m performing as much as they are. They’ve got to respond to me.

Robert does have a reputation for being a control freak, but I think he hands over the baton to whoever is working with. He ain’t going to leap through hoops of fire, and it was never in my modus operandi to get pictures that made the turn look foolish. But I think he trusts people that he knows can do the job.

The Cure on tour: Robert Smith in Bologna. Photo: Tom Sheehan

Robert Smith enjoys the sculptures in Bologna: The Cure on tour in Italy, June 1984

This was on The Top tour. I joined them in Italy. They were quite a tight band. There’s always this thing when you join a band on tour, even if they know you a bit, you still feel like the outsider because you’re not part of the gang. Although you might be an honorary member for two or three days, you’re an outsider. It’s like you can’t argue with a married couple. It’s the same with any band, you know: they’ve got their own lingo, their own ways. You’re witnessing it, but you’re actually outside of it. And you’ll never be able to penetrate it.

That statue with a fountain is in Bologna, and it’s on a Sunday morning. The day before, the gig was great… but earlier on in the day, Robert had a dicky tummy. I think he’d eaten a dodgy prawn or something and he was laying on the on the dressing room floor, groaning in pain prior to soundcheck.

He recovered enough the next morning to go out. But it was a case of, let’s nail it. So that was just a quick once around the block and take some pictures. It was really fortuitous that there was some nice architecture around to utilise.

Lol Tolhurst and Robert Smith. Photo: Tom Sheehan

A cheeky moment with Robert Smith and Lol Tolhurst: The Cure on tour in Italy, June 1984

I have a history of them doing stuff [for other photographers] and me walking in and taking over the studio. There was this really famous Italian photographer who was shooting them for a really high-end publication. This guy was set up and then he was done, and he was talking to his assistant. I just shifted the lights around a bit, and whacked off a couple of frames. That was on the hoof, you know? If something presents itself, you just go to go, there you go chaps. And bang, bang, bang. This picture is the one Lol used on the cover of the UK version of his biography, Cured: The Tale of Two Imaginary Boys.

A dressing room portrait. Photo: Tom Sheehan

Getting Robert out of bed: The Cure on tour in Brussels, November 1987

It was a Saturday night, they played some club in Brussels which I can’t recall. We’re in the dressing room and Robert’s sorting out his hair and all that stuff. I’ve just got a couple of plastic backgrounds on a wall and I’m just saying, “Robert, the blue one.” I’m getting them as they’re ready.

If they’re getting ready for a show, they don’t really want me in their in their hair as well. So I pinned up two backgrounds next to each other so I could switch, one to the other. Then the Melody Maker’s got a choice of colours.

Those pictures have quite clear lighting, they’re quite defined. Good for a cover, perhaps. But I was gagging for something in daylight. So, I said to Robert, can we meet tomorrow lunchtime? I get there at one or two o’clock, and the bugger’s still in bed. It was in November, and it was getting dark. So, I thought I better go from street level up to the roof. And then Robert turns up and it’s that classic kind of ‘Tommy, do I really have to be here?’ kinda look. This kind of weathered, aged, ‘is this totally necessary?’ look. I always remember it, because it doesn’t look as dark as it was getting… or maybe it was just my sheer panic.

Eye contact is vital to make a photo work on the newsstand. Photo: Tom Sheehan

‘Give us your eyes’: The Cure on tour in France, 1989

This was a swifty – dive in and dive out. You can’t take a photograph of The Cure in their fatigues. You can’t do it until he’s ready, in the sense of made up, ready to go. The eyes are on, the lips on, the hair’s done. If they if they’ve got a gig coming, I have to be quite economical with the time because they’re on stage in 30 minutes.

Robert is really good at connecting with the camera. He knows what’s required. It’s not like the [Melody] Maker was some sort of art magazine. You couldn’t have some enigmatic, looking-at-the-stars shot, because it’d be too dark and the ink would fuck up. A lot of time it had to be quite clean.

When Melody Maker, along with the NME and Sounds and Record Mirror, was sitting with a multitude of other magazines on the news stand at Tottenham Court Road when you come out of the tube station, you’ve got to be able to see those minces [mince pies, rhyming slang for eyes] on the other side of the road. Every time I’m working with a man, whoever I’m photographing, I say, give us your eyes. Unless you got eye contact, you can’t expect people to look at it the same way.

Sometimes when you look into the lens and look into their eyes, it is a bit of a staring competition. With Robert I think he’s always been confident. I mean, God knows what he thinks about in his own time, but when he’s working his confidence is great. He’s always appeared to be older than his years as well.

A big day out to Westbury White Horse with the Cure. Photo: Tom Sheehan

Robert’s side hustle as a National Trust guide: The Cure in southwest England, 1995

This was a great day out. The band were done in the southwest recording [the album Wild Mood Swings] in that actress’s house [Jane Seymour’s house, St Catherine’s Court in Somerset]. I came down when they’d been stuck in the studio for a couple of weeks, so I’m sure they wanted a distraction. In other words, taking the piss out of a mature lensman. So, off we went.

Robert was, and probably still is, a member of the National Trust. So he had it all worked out, where we’re were going. We got in a van and we just travelled around. We went to Cheddar Gorge and all round that area. Robert had made a few notes, so he’d be looking at the map, and saying, “Coming up is…”

The horse doesn’t have any hidden meaning. It’s just the British countryside. But I like to think it confused a lot of people overseas, in Japan or whatever.

The Cure at Westside Studios. Photo: Tom Sheehan

Music icons: The Cure in Westside Studios, London, 2005

It was 2005, and The Cure were in Westside Studios recording. I was taking a picture of Robert with a copy of Bowie’s …Ziggy Stardust… for series of portraits on music icons and the records that inspired them. I said to him, “let’s get a couple of other portraits while we’re here”. There was this spiral staircase outside, so we headed there. Robert said to me “you’ll do better getting me from above…” and he was right. I like taking photos from above, you get a better line on people’s jaw. Their faces look better.

I think Robert worked out his relationship between him and the camera. I mean, he got his whole thing together, didn’t he? With the hair and the lips and the clobber. If you’ve got all that stuff around, you could confuse the viewer. So I’d always say, I still want the eyes. I want that contact.

The Cure: Pictures of You by Tom Sheehan, with a foreword by Robert Smith, is published November 3, 2022.

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rockstar-pornograffitti · 1 year

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Picture This

Part: II -> Part: I

Rick Savage X OC {Casey Spencer}

A/N: Comments and reblogs welcome! Also I’m doing a Sav POV on part of this chapter as the next one don’t worry.

Casey’s POV

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, making me set down my camera for a second to see who’s trying to get a hold of me. Now is a good time because everyone in the band is eating and it’s kind of weird to take photos of people eating.

I glance down at the Home Screen and see it’s a text from my dad. He’s not the biggest on texting, only doing it when he doesn’t want to bother me or he’s sending me a photo of something. I click on the text to open it and sure enough it's a photo. It’s of him and my pure black stallion, who I affectionately named Black Sabbath, Sabbath for short. Yes after the band. It's not that weird, have you heard some of the names of race horses? I promise you Black Sabbath is normal compared to that.

I can’t help but smile at the photo, how I miss both of them, but mostly Sabbath. No offence to my dad who I love very much, but I miss the damn horse so much. So many great times riding him until the sun came down around the ranch. He’s my baby, and I know he misses me too, and I can’t wait to see him again when the tour passes through Montana.

I can’t help but smile again as I read the text my dad sent with it, “Missing our girl.” I text my dad back, “missing you guys too.” Then I lock my phone screen and look up to see Joe staring at me, with an amused look on his face.

“What?” I ask genuinely confused, why the hell is he looking at me like that?

“What are you smiling about?” Joe asks me, “Have a boyfriend back home?”

“God no.” I snort about to burst out laughing, me and a boyfriend from back home? Never, I was always the weird kid, no one ever showed interest in me and most of them are cowboys not my type. “I was texting my dad, he sent me a photo of my horse.”

“Your horse?” Sav asks, raising an eyebrow at me, obviously curious about my comment regarding a horse.

“Yeah, my black stallion, Sabbath.” I tell him, pulling up the photo of Sabbath my dad just sent me. “See, my horse and my dad.”

“He’s a pretty animal.” Sav comments looking at the photo on my phone. “So you own a horse then?”

“No, not technically. My dad owns him, but my dad gave me Sabbath as a birthday gift.” I tell Sav, sliding along my photos to find one of my on my horse.

“Did you grow up on a horse farm or something?” Sav asks, he seems pretty interested in this and I appreciate it, there is nothing I love more than talking about my life on the ranch and my horse.

“No, my dad owns a ranch. He raises cattle.” I tell Sav, as I find the photo I’m looking for and show him. “See, this is me riding Sabbath.”

Of course the photo has me in full cowgirl mode, with my boots, chaps, shades and cowboy hat on, with a rope by my side because that day I was out helping my dad and the boys with the cattle.

“You’re like a real life Cowgirl.” He says, sounding astonished, though I’d hardly call myself that, I mean I’m nothing compared to my dad who’s for sure a real life cowboy. I guess I do look like one in that photo though.

“Did you think I wore cowboy boots for fashion?” I joke, knowing full well it was a massive fashion trend among rock stars in the 80s hell if I remember correctly Joe had some.

“I did yeah.” He admits, “but it’s actually quite interesting.”

“I can assume you kill these cows, correct?” Phil asks, looking slightly horrified, probably because he’s a vegetarian and just found out his new companion grew up raising animals to kill them.

“Yeah, but they had a damn good life before.” I inform him, trying to make him feel a bit better about it. “It’s part of the life of a rancher.”

Phil still looks slightly horrified but at least he’s not giving me some lecture about how my family are murders or something, I appreciate it.

“Wait, Sabbath, like Black Sabbath?” Viv suddenly pipes up looking at me with an odd expression.

“Yeah, I named my horse after black sabbath, i promise you it’s not that weird.” I tell him, “You haven’t seen anything weird till you’ve seen race horse names.”

He still looks at me dumbfounded by that, and I have to say it’s pretty funny to shock everyone in Def Leppard so much by being a rancher's daughter.

“You see now Joe? I wasn’t texting some secret boyfriend, just my dad. Also I wouldn’t want to date anyone where I’m from.” I tell him, “I’m the most single person alive.”

“Good.” I hear Sav say beside me, and turn to look at him confused.

“What?”

What does he mean by good? Like it’s good I’m single? But why the hell would he care? It’s not like he likes me in that way right? I mean he’s nice to me, and we get along well, he even calls me love and I like him a lot. I mean I’ve had a crush on him forever, and he’s so much more amazing then I could have imagined but he’s Rick Savage. He’s the bassist of Def Leppard, one of the biggest rock bands to ever exist and I’m just a girl from Montana. I mean there is no way he’d like me in that way, so it can’t be that, though that’s typically what it would mean. What else could he possibly mean? Maybe he’s happy I’m single because I can focus better? Or maybe it was just unfortunately timed and he meant good for a whole different reason.

“I-I meant this sandwich is good.” Sav tells me, “it’s not good you’re single, love. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s okay, I like it.” I tell him, and it makes a lot of sense since it was just unfortunately timed, I mean of course he wouldn’t want me in that way. I can always dream though.

“If you’re happy that’s what matters, love.” He smiles at me returning back to his food.

I jump as I feel my phone vibrating again only this time it’s continuous, meaning someone is trying to call me. I take out my phone again and see it’s my dad, I can’t ignore my own father and nothing too exciting or important is happening, so now is as good as ever.

“I’ve got to take this.” I tell all the leppard guys as I get up and leave the room so I can have some privacy as I talk to my dad.

#the bitch writes #def leppard fanfiction #rick savage fanfiction #rick savage x oc #rick savage #def leppard #picture this

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aspl1tl1fe · 1 year

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Setting Up Audre 5.1

Today we return to PI Strip, a renamed public community lot located at 10 Pleasant Boulevard in @one-plumbob’s world Pleasant Island, which is called Audre in my save.

Last week, I shared images of the entrance and first floor of Audre’s African Art Gallery, and today we venture up the spiral stairs to view the two room second floor, where the art is showcased.

So a little story about the stairs before going up.

Those are a custom item I got somewhere off the net, while desperately seeking build variety. I’ve never used them before because the style is rather limited. They look very 80s Barbie doll wedding, and don’t at all fit the modern style of this gallery. Still, I really wanted to use this, and plopped them down before I did anything else in this shop, before, in fact, I even knew what the place would be.

As I was renovating I thought, maybe the owner of the gallery recently purchased or rented the space, and it hasn’t really had much attention since the building was originally built. Maybe the owner of the gallery is just starting out or relocating to the town and can’t yet afford full renovation. Even better, the gallery is publicly funded and most of the funds go to just keeping the place open.

Whatever I go with, I’m keeping the stairs because I’m stubborn, lol.

Anywho, on the second floor I used some half walls (which might also be custom) to make a little stairwell, through which you can already see the pictures hung up on the walls.

As a quick aside, AAAG specializes in photos and paintings. Unless I decide to use sculpting in this game to actually sculpt, which I highly doubt, what’s sold here probably wont change.

If you take another look at the picture of the exterior, the second floor has a bunch of windows which limit wall space, and could cause damage to the featured paintings. To remedy this, I placed two and three tile walls, one tile in front of, or partway in front of, the windows, and then I tried to block the spaces off using plants. I’m hoping this will prevent sims from trying to route around the walls instead of using the open more navigable space.

I know we all know how TS3 is (and TS4 definitely has this game beat in that regard). If it’s hard to get there every sim in town wants to be there. Still, I am hopping they walk up, not do the toe tap and complain because I’ve got a mod to prevent that, see they can’t get there, and go around.

I may find that this was the biggest mistake ever, as I’ve also placed one tile walls in the next room to hang more art.

I’m pretty sure I mentioned in last weeks post, that I didn’t have room for a lot of seating in the sales room (yup that’s what I’m calling it now), so I’ve placed two couches around the stairwell, along with a little coffee table. That way I can make and place coffee up here, and make it look like the gallery owner is chatting up potential artists or sponsors.

From the entrance way to the second room, you can see the one tile walls I mentioned before. There’s a bit more space in this room, as it’s the space above the in progress housewares store. I’m hoping that means this won’t become the portal to lag hell, but I won’t really know until I can get multiple sims in here at once.

I guess that if all else fails, I can at least place invisible fences where the walls are blocking the windows, and maybe do the one tiles if that still doesn’t help.

I should say, I have downloaded lots of black art (I also tend to download Indigenous and or non-black POC art that doesn’t give me racist fetish vibes), and “the lighting is dark enough that this person in this image could be black” (lol) art. All custom, of course, as diverse representation is scant in the game.

Because I have so much, I was able to fill out my gallery with a number of different images in different sizes and styles, and use a lot of cc I’ve yet to be able to incorporate into my residential homes.

I forgot to note, (or... if I’m repeating myself, forgive me), that the gallery is dark despite the lights, and it clearly being day outside, because I have a mod that fixes auto light mode so that the lights are only on in rooms where sims are, and not on during the day in rooms with windows.

All those walls make for wonderful places to hang up pictures, but they make it even darker inside unless I manually cut on the lights, and I forgot to when I took these.

Well that’s it for this shop.

So next week I’ll share game shots of the last lot I completely renovated in this world. I am working on the housewares store, but I haven’t been able to go into my game as often as usual, as I’m putting a lot of work into battling agoraphobia and finding my own place. It’s slow, and tiring (because also autistic burn out) but I’ve been making a lot of progress.

#TS3 #Audre #TS3gameSetup #ts3gameplay #ts3 gameplay #TheSims3 #TheSims #@one-plumbob #one-plumbob #Pleasant Isle

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nancypullen · 2 years

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Not Dead Yet

Hello, faithful readers! I’m on the sofa with my laptop, watching yet another Hallmark Christmas movie, and pretending to feel better than I do. I’m scheduled for the OR on Thursday to get the Hope diamond out of my kidney and I’m nervous. I’ve made the mistake of reading about the procedure and the aftermath, and although I know that medical sites have to cover worst case scenarios, and that I tend to bounce back quickly from “stuff”, I’m not looking forward to possibly feeling worse before I feel better. I’m trying to force a super positive mindset and just decide that I’m going to feel great. I mean, historically that’s been my story. C-sections, hysterectomy - none of it was bad, at least not for more than 24 hours. The ankle surgery was no fun and recovery was long, but I generally felt well. So I’m going with the odds and deciding that this will be a cake walk. The truth is, it’s more than anticipating the unpleasantness. I’m a very modest person and the fact that my ureter is the star of the show and will be spotlighted for a team in the OR (it hurt to even type that) makes me shrivel up. I would rather they found an undeveloped twin made of teeth and hair growing out of my armpit than to hear, “we’ll put your feet in stirrups and run a laser up your ureter.“ I’m not kidding. Do I have hang ups? Yes. Does it make this any easier knowing that I have hang ups? No. When this is all over I hope my crotch can go back to its groundhog-like existence, making it’s required medical appearance once a year and hopefully not casting a shadow. If this all feels like too much information to you, please believe that I’m cringing harder than you are and don’t know why I’m sharing any of this. Maybe so that someone, somewhere might find comfort in knowing they’re not alone in their weirdness? So that’s where I am right now, a mixture of hope and dread. I have a dear friend from my airline days who has apparently endured kidney stones since her 30′s. She has been a wealth of information and honesty - some of it a little scary, but appreciated. We were messaging one evening and she said that she’d come across an old photo of me from the early 90′s. She shared it and I was stumped. I recognize that I was in the operations/scheduling office. But...ummm... why am I undressing and why was there a photo snapped??

My best guess is that it looks like a necklace wrapped around a scarf and caught on a button situation - but why didn’t I unclasp the necklace and go from there? My friend didn’t know the story behind the picture either (I mean, it’s been three decades) but we delighted in dissecting the late 80′s/early 90′s fashion and makeup. Those red lips were my favorite trend. Loved it. If I try that look now I look like the Joker. That hair clip was company issue and it created a fabulous cascade of big curls down my back. The poofy bangs and big pearl drop earrings - yes, please. Those were the days. I’d had two babies by then and thought that my 108 pound weight was atrocious. That girl had no idea what was ahead of her. I miss that 24 inch waist. I’ve hardly eaten since Halloween - mostly noodle soup and red grapes. Today I decided I’d step on the scale - I felt wispy, I felt shrunken, why, I’ll bet I don’t weigh enough to trigger the automatic doors at Target. Know how much I’ve lost after two weeks of less than 600 calories a day? Three pounds. Three lousy pounds. What I’d give to be the girl in that photo again. I might pass on the big hair and red lips, but I’d take the earrings and waist in a heartbeat. I would also keep my shirt buttoned. Okie dokie, that’s all from me today. No one likes to hear about another’s health woes, and certainly not gross stuff. Hopefully the next post here will be one raving about what a breeze it was and how great I feel. I’m deciding that now. I think I’ll make a pot of chicken soup tomorrow, something to come home to on Thursday - I’ll appreciate that. Stay tuned, and thank you for your patience. After this I promise a blog that is full of jingle bells and jolly posts. Tis the season! Sending out loads of love. Stay safe, stay well, stay positive.

Nancy

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ithefuturist · 5 months

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Winding Down 2023

We’ve all had worse years, but I guess many of us can agree that 2023 has been a rough one. So I’m really glad that it will be over in about 24 hours.

Before that let me share with you photos from the main highlight of my year and why going to Wimbledon was it.

When I was 9 years old my parents split and when they did, they literally split — one went to the left and the other to the right, leaving me and my 11 year old sister in the middle unaccompanied — basically abandoned in our home.

I remember thinking that maybe it will just be a couple of days and they will both be back soon. Meantime, me and my sister just have to figure out how to “operate” things at home.

We probably reheated food from the fridge until neighbors noticed that we had been alone at home for a few days and some of them came and helped us out. Things did not necessarily get better from there, me and my sister had to be separated while people around us figured out where we will go and who will be taking care of us. I think this is the equivalent of going into foster care in the US and although we both ended up at the care of relatives and some semblance of a family was attempted it was painfully obvious for both of us that we no longer had our parents to count on.

My biggest fear at that time was not being able to go to school. I remember that every time we would drive by people begging in the streets my father would say that that was because they did not try to do well in school. So I approached education with a certain level of dread and fear of what I did not want to be, instead of learning so I could become the kind of person that I wanted to be.

I attended a high school that gave a scholarship to the kid that finishes on top of their class every year. So if you are the top student in freshman year, you get free tuition in sophomore year and so on. To get a high school education, that was the Plan A for me. There was really no Plan B. I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would have been had Plan A not worked so the concept of grit and willing all that you have, or what’s left of you to push forward in life was deeply instilled very early on.

I was also blessed with the kindness of people around me, teachers, friends, a few relatives and my most favorite of all books and tennis.

Books made me dream. So in essence in the absence of parents that could guide me in building my dreams, it was the characters in novels that helped me out. I particularly remember Erich Segal’s The Class because everyone seemed destined to live a notable life in that book. Also, they were all from Harvard and I had at that time already nurtured thoughts on what it might be like to get educated in an Ivy League so that story resonated to me in more ways than one.

And then there was tennis.

I guess you can say that I hold tennis close to my heart in parts because it reminds me of those few moments that I had with my father when he would read in the newspapers about a young tennis prodigy win Wimbledon and how that seemed to amaze him so much and he would talk to me excitedly about it every time it happened. I remember Wimbledon being aired on tv in the 80s only in parts but it was always something that excited my father. Later on when cable tv became a thing, I would sit in other people’s living rooms watching Wimbledon matches for hours until they turn off the lights or tell me “mainit na yung tv” (the tv will overheat).

To me, tennis was more than just a sport. It was in many ways an education, a parent to that child that needed one so badly. It was a safe space where I knew that grit, determination, courage, mental strength and hard work can be very valuable tools for success. So last summer when I went to Wimbledon it was truly a full circle moment for me. It was not only about that kid who watched Wimbledon from other people’s television it also felt like an homage, like going to a cathedral, like coming home to a parent…

It’s not lost in me that since I was 9 years old, the odds have always been against me. Without a strong support system how can a mere child make it past the many stages in life? But tennis taught me to keep my head low when I needed to and to go for a winner when the time is right. It taught me to believe in myself even when everything around me tells me that I do not have any reason to.

So while 2023 has been a rough year for me, I choose to see the good parts of it: I got to be at Wimbledon! And boy, did that feel so good!

This year, I learned that sometimes when times are rough we tend to react to how tough things are instead of living life the way we would want to. I say this because I feel like in 2023 I had reacted and played defensively for too long I forgot that my goal should always be to get in a place where I could play my game in life instead of life playing me. So in the coming new year my wish is that we all find our way back to playing our games so we could all hit those winners all year long!

Happy New Year cheers to all!

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sassafras--manson · 9 months

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wrote all this yesterday and thought it just didn’t post and i was like… cool. par for the course.

found it in my drafts 🙄🥲

———————

so i’m going to this whole fuckin warehouse dance party tn. i’ve been staying in a lot lately partially bc i always feel socially burnt out even tho i’ve been turning down social shit for kind of a while, and partially bc.. idk i just feel so sad all the fuckin time that nothing sounds like fun, even the things i used to do and have fun doing. unfortunately taking all the me time i’ve been desperate for has made me even More anxious to leave my apt, so that adds another layer onto my reasons for staying in.

but tn i’m going to a fuckin warehouse party, held by ppl i’ve gotten to know through these parties of theirs, and i’m kind of looking forward to it but the sad brain is going “what if you stop looking forward to it in the next few hours?” and i’m scared of it all falling down around me.

it helps that it’s a sunny day, i don’t think i could’ve even accepted the invite if it was shitty n gray.

the other day danny n i day drank and recorded a song that i sang, and even though it was just for fun it made me feel really cool like i was getting a little version of my fantasy of fronting an 80s punk/hair metal band. a knockoff version, but more real than my whitesnake karaoke.

the night after we recorded it i went out to see some friends play at a dive bar in the neighborhood, and was surprised to feel like going when i got the invite to go out. it felt like something i would’ve skipped, considering my mood for the last couple months. but i felt like going, and wearing something as casual as the event but with a hint of and the aire of 80s rockstar. it was a really chill night and i enjoyed myself, took some (what i hope will be) cool photos on my old film camera, and chatted w my friends. and even afterwards i was feeling a low key version of awe that i just wanted to go and i did.

so many things i’ve been doing lately are because even though i don’t feel like it, i feel like i should support my friends - a lot of my social shit is based on how just about all of my friends are in bands- i Want to support them too, obviously, but i Don’t want to get dressed, talk, or smile. maybe because this show had such a lesser sense of obligation than the rest. maybe my-interest-in-going being the only factor took the.. preasure?.. off? but mostly i think i was just still in the afterglow of feeling cool. and of having made something, of having been creative in a way i never let myself be before, of having stepped out of my comfort zone and dipping a toe into a part of myself i wish i could be more often without being embarrassed.

tbh i think i’m in a little lingering shockwave of that afterglow. i skipped another show last night to stay in and add rhinestone spiderwebs to a pair of shorts n watch 80s movies. not any part of me was receptive to the idea of being social. but that’s the nature of the wave, i guess.

i’m building an outfit for tonight and am flirting w the possibility of wearing this skirt i got off depop cuz it looks like it belongs on an 80s video vixen. i’m not much of a skirt/dress wearer but i had to have it. it’s leather and zips up the back, and wraps over itself in the front w these two big fuckin ornate (for lack of a less hoity toity sounding word) buckles. if i chicken out i’ll sub out for emotional support shorts that i wear like everyday - loose black denim cutoffs that Are from the 80s, that i added pyramid studs to on one front pocket. i have all day to try to psych myself up for this outfit, but like i said, i feel more n more afraid to even leave the apt, so the way i tend to cope w that is to wear something i know i feel like ~myself~ in. those cutoffs are the security blanket of clothes. also, like, i want to be an occasional skirt person but every time i try it out it adds so much femininity to my look that it makes me it makes uncomfortable and idk how to balance it out outfit-wise yet, i don’t have the experience. but i’m off on a tangent. anyway, i’m surprised i’m even considering wearing it, and i think it must be that last bit of the afterglow hitting.

tbh this whole fuckin thing has been one tangent after the next, and i’ve got thoughts that go on off the last, but i’m kind of tired of thinking, so i’m cutting it off. let it be, ferrin.

i’m going to a social thing tonight with friends and outfits and dancing and i wanna do it but i’m also kinda scared of going, but i feel good enough going that i’m going to try, even though going to this is skipping a lot of steps between staying in and this degree of going out. but it’s nice to feel like doing something. i’m always wary of that feeling but supposedly that’s the fucking secret, is to enjoy it for what it is and while it lasts.

#personal #rambling

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outoftheframework · 3 years

Text

my proposal for tropes we as a fandom should adopt in all fanworks going forward: Duke Thomas edition

So every fandom has tropes and characterization quirks that have been generally accepted into fanon and, like, maybe? they were originally based on some obscure comic panel from the 80s or something but it doesn’t really matter because we’re all just,,, cool with it? Like for example- in the dc comics fandom, an art piece could show 3 of the bats that look virtually identical except one of them is holding a box of cereal so that one is obviously Dick Grayson. . . Y’know?

Anyway, these things usually come up naturally I guess but I’ve been here a while and it’s finally time to put my foot down. It’s high time for Duke Thomas to be more in fanon than “the sane one.” Because he might be the relatively new guy but he is certainly fears no gods or laws of the land just as much as the other bats, lemme tell ya.

TL;DR here are character quirks (”canon-based” or otherwise) that we should all really latch onto seriously I’m begging y’all to make at least one of these happen-

Duke “Habitually Jumping Out of Moving Vehicles” Thomas

This one’s actually based in canon y’all; Duke did indeed yeet himself out of the back of a cop car and off of a bridge (in We Are... Robin). Normalize Duke’s wearing knee and elbow pads as Signal because jumping out of a car turns out relatively fine once and then suddenly Batman’s rooftop disappearing act seems mellow compared to the amount of times Gordon has whipped his head around to see a now Signal-less backseat.

Like, he’s going 60 mph?? And he didn’t even hear the door open?? and tHE DOORS ARE STILL LOCKED??

Imagine this leaking into civilian life and Bruce waking up to a blurry photo of Duke mid-escape from a limousine on the front page of the Gotham Gazette.

(more under cut)

Duke “Puzzles are my Passion” Thomas

Duke is ~canonically~ very skilled at both solving and concocting riddles (as a child during that time where The Riddler just,,, controlled Gotham, he worked non-stop on riddles, trying to make the perfect one). Please y’all- let Duke solve puzzles. Have the other bats ask him for help after 36 hours straight of brooding over some brainteaser that Duke works out within the half-hour. He texts a picture of the solution scribbled out on loose leaf in the margins of his pre-calc homework because this boy shows his work.

My guy is a word-cross FIEND. A mind-sweeper speed-runner. That guy who mails into the Gazette to correct a solution in the “fun & games” section and also ps that photo is not of me I am simply a polite young man who is much too busy writing into the paper in the year 2021 to jump out of limos-

I also would love to see this integrated into the type of cases he investigates / runs into on his daytime patrol. Like, obviously the criminal activity is going to dramatically differ before and after sundown, but that doesn’t make Duke’s work any easier or less important. It’s a different skillset; he has to work differently. Instead of jumping into fights, halting mob meetings, saving civilians in dark allies, etc. Duke has to sort through all of the moving pieces before they all converge into something catastrophic.

It’s a known fact that criminal organizations in Gotham make and execute a lot of behind-the-scenes plans during the day specifically not to run into the bats. And Duke knows and monitors this shit all by himself; his work is crucial to logistics and information gathering for the bats as a whole. Now criminals have like, a 2 hour gap between bat-shifts to try and get stuff done. But Duke would 100% set traps on timers or lead them on this pre-set convoluted goose chase to distract them until the night bats come out and to let himself enjoy the whole thing playing out on the news while he finishes homework that’s due at midnight.

Duke “I Know a Guy” Thomas

So in going off of the basic concept for the “We Are. . . Robin” run in combination to his general likability, Duke has a lot of friends all around Gotham. Okay, sure, he doesn’t have a Super best friend or a Speedster on speed dial, but he does know this guy who details cars up on West 35th and will tell them all about the new mods on Black Mask’s transport vans if they come through the third floor window and bring takeout.

Bruce and Tim will be waiting for the facial recognition software to identify at least a partial match off of security cam footage when Duke pulls into the cave, takes one look at the screen, and says “Oh, that’s <insert name, address, abridged life story, and known associates here>.” This also brings in the opportunity for Duke to have some sort of perfect recall for faces, voices, names, etc. which I think could be a really cool element for his position as the batfamily member who has a lot more personal interaction with the people of Gotham.

I’m also into the idea of a lot of people knowing/telling stories about Duke. Not to reference the Chuck Norris meme but almost like the Chuck Norris meme lmao. Think about Jason mentioning his brother to someone and she replies, “Duke Thomas? Like that Duke Thomas? The one who swam across the harbor because he said it’d be faster than the subway and it actually was?” These stories have varying levels of truth to them but Duke will never confirm nor deny when he gets random calls from family members yelling “you dID WHAT”

So those are my top three, and the following is a little speed-round of headcanons :)

Duke has a super expressive face. Like when he’s relaxed around family, you can tell exactly what he’s thinking and how he’s feeling by his visual reactions to things

Duke rotates through picking up new and revisiting old hobbies at a pretty rapid pace. Some hobbies include: bullet journaling, origami, viola, cello, synth, conversational basics in multiple languages, up-cycling and embroidering clothes

Duke has a really fucking adorable smile. He can’t help it. He’ll try to grin sarcastically or smug to be annoying but his smile just cannot be anything other than endearing. He also has a very specific booming laugh that’s an absolute treasure to hear, because it’s the most genuinely happy thing ever.

Duke unironically enjoys Signal by Twice even though the first time he heard it was after Steph had set it as his morning alarm.

So.

Come and get your food, I guess.

Feel free to add on if you’d like! I’d love to see anything you guys write/draw/etc. based on anything from here if you feel compelled to do so!

Stay safe and be well :)

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chaoticfandomcat · 2 years

Text

Nobody... Knows...?

@wolfcamellias THE FINAL INSTALLMENT FROM THIS AND THIS That was unintentional but I had an idea and it happened. But also this is different from the other two styles. This one is written kind of like they are talking in discord but it’s not discord. I could not tell you what it is. Also 3 different fic things in one day let’s go (ง'̀-'́)ง oh and! Happy Valentines Day! :D and I hope you feel better soon since I saw you were under the weather. Maybe this can give a few laughs ヾ(•ω•`)o (Around 1k words give or take. The usernames had no rhyme or reason they were written as I thought about them.)

AteTheCheese: I’m sending this message so everyone can remember this is the one WITHOUT OUR PROFESSOR

AllByMyself: It was a beautiful train wreck at being able to see one of you react to that IRL

BeautifulDreamer: Please delete the photo

AllByMyself: No.

JUUUICE: Okay okay now that we have the correct group chat. The topic?

MotherOf: Are we going back to the DILF vs GILF talk.

LordAlmighty: NO. NOT AGAIN

Chicken: youre only saying no because then youd have to explain

LordAlmighty: I PLEAD THE 5th

AngstAngst: WE’RE IN CHINA

AppleCranberries: Okay guys if we’re done trying to force them to talk over text, btw I have a key to that dorm building hint hint, the topic?

AngstAngst: Why are we doing this over text and not just meeting up?

LordAlmighty: I’m not dealing with campus police again.

AngstAngst: Oh yeah.

Laughterof1000Suns: I can’t believe they called the police on us. We weren’t THAT loud

AteTheCheese: Someone said they heard us across campus.

Laughterof1000Suns: Oh yeah

JUUUICE: ANYWAY. TOPIC. Are we still on the crown?

MotherOf: No I think we can move past that

AppleCranberries: I’m not having campus police called from me yelling out in frustration or otherwise

CriedARiver: I mean the crown itself was just a tool anyway. We could dive into the part about. Ya know. How it was used?

Singing: What about the whole Monkey being evil talk?

Laughterof1000Suns: I meaaaaaaannnnn was he?

Bubbles: no

Soup: yes

Laughterof1000Suns: I fear how fast those two answered

Soap: Anyway.

Soup: Still hate that you stole my nickname

Soap: YOU SPELLED IT WRONG NOT MY FAULT. Anyway. Usual roles with the yes and no?

LordAlmighty: On it. DM me your side I’ll put it.

BabySusJesus: I’m surprised you stayed awake I was ready to have to do it

LordAlmighty: LOOK IT WAS FINALES OKAY? Anyway help me with the roles I’ll VC you

BabySusJesus: Kay.

AteTheCheese: Now that THAT is done. Would Soup and Bubbles like to start?

Bubbles: I call dibs!

Soup: I call-DAMMIT

Bubbles: Seriously though? What makes you think he’s evil? He was a trickster at worst and a literal monkey in any other sense.

Soup: Look the concept of good and evil is complicated.

Bubbles: Ok.

Soup:… Also look, okay. Listen.

Soup: He obviously had learned things from Master Puti right? Like people or at least A person had told him some right and wrong with humans yeah?

Soup: I’m guessing people are letting me go on. Right that’s weird. ANYWAY. Earlier on with the whole water curtain cave and all it was just monkey monkey and more monkey. But then he went out and ~*explored*~

Soup: Still with me? Okay. So he knew some of the other rules. He was CHOOSING to ignore those rules because HE did not see them as important. I’m not saying he didn’t change by the end just he was kind of evil to start with.

Soup: Okay that’s my big piece. Bubbles GO

Bubbles: I’m a pokemon now I see how it is.

Soup: soon

Bubbles: Ominous message aside. I accept your point of him choosing to ignore some rules but, it’s not like he ever went out of his way to break them????

Bubbles: 80% of his character literally was just “I’ma do a thing” with everyone else more or less going “NO” and it was all just. I mean basically to everyone but himself harmless.

Bubbles: and before someone mentions the fighting thing, they would attack first THEN he would. Everyone was tryinig to eat the monk on the journey so none of those attack first count

Soup: tryinig

LordAlmighty: Put it in the other thread for later.

Bubbles: im doomed. Very doomed. May my last words be this.

Bubbles: MONKEY KING DID NOTZHING W@RONG

GURL: He really went and wrote his own tombstone. Spelling and all.

Soup: ignoring the obvious joke. I saw another name p sure

BringBackT: I wanted to add to Bubbles argument? Cool to take a turn?

LordAlmighty: Yeah I think you can step in

BringBackT: So. A lot of what the monkey king did wrong was just. The same as telling a child don’t touch a thing and then never saying why. They are going to touch the thing.

BringBackT: any of the obvious “this is wrong” was usually like Bubbles said, basic things. Not good in the long run but not the “stole your dog and ran” kind of things. Eating the peaches, drinking the wine, showing off the transformations. All not good very bad. But he also realized that literally after he did it

BringBackT: Or at least in the transformations he suffered the consequences right away

BringBackT: But otherwise all the other, worse, things like killing those humans was either the very start who attacked them first or just all demons.

MAYAHIII: can I interject to help on Soup’s side?

BabySusJesus: T, you got anything else youre burning to add?

BringBackT: No they can go

MAYAHIII: There is the big point of he might have just killed humans for even just slighting him. Like we have no confirmation from before the journey that he wouldn’t have just gotten rid of any humans or otherwise that even might of accidentally slighted somehow

MAYAHIII: Like you can still count it as evil

AteTheCheese: I know I am joining in a little weirdly but does that still count as evil if from where hes at/from no one else would either?

AteTheCheese: like sure killing another human, ignoring any kind of reasoning, base line is. Bad. But he was, is a monkey.

AteTheCheese: Can we even apply those before he gets to the journey?

LordAlmighty: and topic is lost. Alright talk over. Good job guys.

BabySusJesus: One day we needa just. Have a chaos chat.

LordAlmighty: Do you not remember

BackFromTheDead: I got my username from that incident!

LurkedTooLong: There are many nicknames from that incident. We have it saved and recorded and locked in a safe

LordAlmighty: We do not speak of The Chat. Okay but I have class, so do the other mods/admins I can trust not to lead the chat to twitch style anarchy so if you gonna talk don’t do it here

BabySusJesus: ANARCHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

LordAlmighty: They won’t be back for awhile.

LurkedTooLong: Never in my life have I seen a mute faster than that.

#Lego Monkie Kid #LMK #Sun Wukong #JttW:DC #Valleys AU #Kat Writes #My Writing #I bang my head against the wall. I like this one but also feel like it's not that good #I had fun with the usernames can you tell?#Anyway happy v-day to everyone/single awareness day #Make sure you get your discount chocolate tomorrow because that some good chocolate

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wehavespikes · 3 years

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I've been really into graphic design lately and I want to start! do you have any tips?

Hey, thanks for asking, I guess I do have some tips

• For absolute beginners I'd recommend first looking into graphic programs and finding the best fit for what you want to create - the adobe cloud is great but to start out there are many free alternatives. If you're into drawing as well I'd recommend checking out Procreate.

• Study the basics - e.g. look at the difference between vectors and pixel graphics, file formats (jpg vs png vs tiff etc.), look up different methods to cut out images as it's something you'll probably need at some point, and maybe also have a look at recent design or color trends (that's always fun, too). Also advisable as a beginner is to study general do's and don'ts (for example working with text, website design or layouting have some clear rules for what works and what doesn't - most people already have a sense of aesthetic but it's always a good idea to prevent creating some graphic design is my passion meme stuff, see r/crappydesign or the likes).

• If you want to create with the intention of publishing your works effectively on certain platforms (like Instagram) it's always clever to look up which formats work best (1080x1080 is standard square for Instagram for example). If you want to create wallpapers look up common sizes and set up your canvas accordingly.

• Find inspiration and ideas - of course you need at least a rough idea about what you want to create. I for example love all things 80s, so for inspiration I look up 80s media, technology, fashion etc. to find things I could incorporate in my designs (e.g. patterns, color schemes, shapes, fonts etc.). An amazing platform for this is Pinterest of course, but I also frequently use unsplash.com (free to use gorgeous photography that you can use right away for your designs), youtube (for tutorials mainly) and lots of tumblr blogs.

• If you want to use photos make sure you know about copyright and fair use - platforms like Pinterest mostly feature copyrighted images, so never just use an image without considering this. Always ask first and give credit.

• Watch lots of tutorials - in the beginning I had no idea about the capabilities of graphic programs and was often wondering how artists were able to create certain things. So of course you need to learn somehow and watching tutorials on youtube is a great way to do so. It’s also fun to just look through random design tutorials until the algorythm shows you something you really like and want to recreate or use for your own works. Like this I also learned lots of basics (advanced working with layers, clipping masks, transparency, layer styles, filters and all kinds of photoshop tools).

• Familiarize yourself with the graphic program of your choice. Check out which tools are available and try to use them. Experiment with shapes, brushes, text, gradients, etc. Set up your workplace according to your needs and look through all options, settings and tabs to see what your possibilities are. Play around with a photo and try to edit the hell out of it. Like this you’ll probably already find some tools or settings that inspire you and ways you might want to incorporate them into your designs.

• Recreate and adopt. Recreating artworks that inspire you or designing along tutorials is the best way to learn in my opinion, as it is with drawing as well. As you learn new techniques you can begin to incorporate more and more of them into your own artworks, your drafting process will change as you’re able to consider more ways to reach your design goal, and you will also gain lots of new inspiration as well. When I discovered the possibilities of layer mixing I began designing with them in mind and just playing around yielded some amazing results; I made note of my favourite styles and now am frequently using them in my designs.

• Draft and save inspiration. I always carry my sketchbook around and doodle things when I have a few minutes of time or when inspiration hits me. You often see things in the real world that strike you as interesting, so make sure you don’t forget about them later when you want to design. This can be posters, flyers or other design works but also nature, people, clothes, etc. Taking written notes also works great for me. For collecting inspiration online I mostly use Pinterest (create artboards for specific aesthetics and pin all images that fit and inspire you in some way so you can look them up later as reference), but I also have lots of bookmarks neatly organized to save images that aren’t on pinterest. I never just copy and save on my computer because I might not know who to credit later.

• Refine your own aesthetic, polish your artworks and take challenges. Try to design outside of your comfort zone (I’m really not a fan of working with Adobe Illustrator for example but need it a lot for my job so I decided to use it more at home for my own art and am now quite fond of some of the tools) and challenge yourself - e.g. you can try to design within a certain decade’s aesthetic, participate in online design challenges, ask for requests from friends or followers, etc. Keep up with design trends (especially if you’re planning to sell your artworks in some way at some point).

• Less is more. Edit edit edit. Something I still struggle with given that the 80s aesthetic I love always screams more is more. Train your abstraction ability (making pixel art or super minimalist things is a great way to practice). Learn what an artwork / layout / website etc. really needs and what can be scrapped. Don't be afraid of blank spaces. Never bedazzle just for the sake of filling space.

That’s all I can think of right now, hope this helps ♡ if you have questions about specific things you can always hit me up.

#ask #ty #♡#design #graphic design #tips #ascz #wehavespikes

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thekombatantsloveyou · 3 years

Text

Kontestants choice of date with you 💖

includes kabal, fujin, cassie, shang tsung, raiden, skarlet, kano, and hanzo

Kabal: One word.. glamping. He very well could be an outdoorsy kind of guy, sure, but the black dragon has spoiled his ass. He's just enough of a diva to ditch the tent and sleep in the car with the seats folded to the front instead. He may or may not have checked the temperature and picked one of the coldest nights just for an excuse to cuddle up with you. It's honestly pretty nice though. He picks the fluffiest comforter, has a laptop and portable chargers. You can even turn on the car radio while you stay up playing some silly get to know me game like Never Have I Ever.

Fujin: Museum or art gallery. Naturally he knows a lot of Earthrealm's history both with his age and his status as it's protector. Still, all the different rich cultures are gorgeous and something to be celebrated he thinks. He especially enjoys the more ambiguous pieces that are left up to interpretation. It's something that challenges him, to try and think from a mortal perspective. He would love to hold your hand and casually walk around, studying different artifacts or paintings. You can see his eyes glistening with adoration for all Earthrealmers and you can tell he loves you and your home so deeply.

Cassie: An arcade. Even better if it's in a mall so you two can hit up the food court afterwards. Who doesn't love the patterned 80's-esq carpets and the smell of sweat coming from the laser tag room? You don't have to do physical games like that, but she'd prefer to stay away from the boring game machines like plinko. Cassie will probably drag you to play DDR or one of those multiplayer shooting games that's in those little curtained boxes. Hopefully the two of you can get enough tickets for a prize, if not she's happy to have spent the day with you anyways! Bonus points if there's a photobooth you two can go in and take cheesey polaroids with. Double bonus if you won something from a claw machine that can participate in the photos too.

Shang Tsung: There's a lot to explore on his island before you even step foot outside of it. One thing you get to see, that most others will never, is a hidden library. Mainly consisting of philosophy, hedonism, nihilism, and controversial books. If you're familiar with your literature he quizzes you, eager to teach you that of which you didn't already know. Regardless, Shang Tsung will sit with you and cockily go over the knowledge he has of these and their significance to the mortal race his own interpretation. He's really smart actually, more than he's given credit for.

Raiden: An opera. Yeah, he's an old man so I'm not gonna say you two are gonna be out roller skating or anything like that. Raiden's almost always stoic, so it takes you by surprise to see him grinning down at the stage with such delight. For a moment in time he feels like he's in a different world, a world where the realms are harmonious. With you by his side everything feels just right. When the lights dim between scenes and nobody can see, he'll steal a quick kiss from you. It's probably just on the cheek as he isn't too crazy about PDA, but still. It's a lot from him and he hopes it can convey how he feels.

Skarlet: An old cemetery. A bit on the nose, but it's the only place the scent of blood isn't insanely overwhelming to her. However, this also leaves you in a very vulnerable position as the only living person around. You have to trust her completely to be with her here and she's completely aware of this. Skarlet isn't the type to play games or bullshit with someone she genuinely likes, and it's possible for her to even bring up that trust you have for her in conversation.

Kano: The fight club. I know it's not exactly a date as much as it is his work place, but he doesn't feel the need to have to go out for a night to be special. In fact, most times you have fancy dates it's because you planned the outing. Kano wants to sit and watch the fighting cage with you on his lap. He's cocky too, yelling at the fighters from above where you sit. He's got a hand supporting your back and the other inappropriately placed on your thigh. It makes him feel like the motherfucking KING when you guys are like this together. You're practically unstoppable here and he couldn't love it more.

Hanzo Hasashi: Cooking dinner together at home. Making recipes that have existed in your families for generations ends up being a really intimate experience. Neither of you would share these with any old person and it's a sign of trust for you both. You're off to the side cooking your dish and he keeps peeking at it to try and guess what it could be. If you want to work together then he'll help you cook his dish by standing behind you and letting you rest your hands on his. Technically he's doing all the work but it's still enjoyable for you two regardless. What you end up making is up to you! Will there be a dessert as well?

#mortal kombat imagines #kabal #fujin #cassie cage #shang tsung #raiden #skarlet #kano #scorpion

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lucientelrunya · 3 years

Text

Like a lonely house pt 3

Phew, I feel a little like that bird meme "the risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math" (which I really am *points to the 70 years that are actually 80 years* !!), with how I went "Huh, there is no 50.000+words slow burn of them, but I want!!!" and my brain was like "well, do it yourself. Here, have Chapter 1, 3, 6 and 9, I already prepared them. Oh and here is some Ba Ye+Wu Xie-friendship" And then I struggle with how to bridge the gap between those chapters.....

This part is me struggling really hard. Trying to bridge those gaps and trying to puzzle Mystic Nine-Canon and Book-Canon together. Like, Wu Laogou??? He wasn't even born? My perfectionism can't handle this!! But I guess I am like Hamilton, I'll never be satisfied *sigh*, so ... yeah. Feel free to point out any mistakes you spot!

I should definitely add that this is canon-divergent... ish (which canon???), I'm not sure if there is anything I should warn about in this part, maybe just more sadness? But @psychic-waffles and @gaiahenshin wanted someone to hug Zhang Rishan so ... here you go I guess ^^°°° (I see those tags and reblogs and favorites and I am beyond thrilled every single time, I don't even know how to react!)

It takes a conscious effort to make his lungs work properly again and take a deep breath. Fo Ye had entrusted him with his legacy and he will do everything he can to not disappoint him any further. He has to face the consequences of what he has done, he has to. But before he can get a grip on himself someone tips his chin up to shine a flashlight right into his eyes. He automatically flinches back from the blinding light, dislodging the hand from his face in the process and finds Huo Daofu staring at him, flashlight in his hand and one brow raised. “Back with us?” he asks, eyes scanning Zhang Rishan’s face methodically and only taking a step back once he nods slowly. How long had he stood frozen, trapped in his thoughts for Huo Daofu to come over and start to worry?

“Good. Any more insights on god-radio?” What is he talking about? "God-radio?" Zhang Rishan repeats slowly, confused, which only makes Huo Daofu raise both brows this time. He pointedly looks over at the mural where Zhang Rishan's fingers are still touching the picture of said god. Ah, they must have thought it was still somehow communicating with him.

“Time travel”, Zhang Rishan mutters, trying to ignore the way Luo Que hovers anxiously at his side and the way Ba Ye has his hands wrapped around his upper arm like he had always done when he wanted to hide behind him or was whining about something (and the possible connection between those two things). His words cause several confused “huh”’s from different directions. Taking a slow deep breath he braces himself to say the words, to confess and take the blame for this mess. “No, I didn't get any further godly insights, but I think Ba Ye is right, he never died, he was, as you phrased it so nicely, plucked from the past and put here, now”, he says, inclining his head at Wu Xie.

“But why?” Ba Ye asks and Zhang Rishan makes himself turn his head to look at him when he says his next words. “Because of me.” And there it is. “Because this god was inside my mind and it was so incredibly thankful I gave it its freedom that it wanted to give something to me in return, to grant me a wish.” Not that he had wished for Ba Ye to be ripped out of his time, exactly, his thoughts had been a jumbled mess at that moment. He had never consciously wished for anything in particular. But Ba Ye’s sudden disappearance in the middle of a war had torn a hole into Fo Ye’s heart and, by extension, into Zhang Rishan’s (not only by extension, of course, because Ba Ye had been important to Zhang Rishan, too - is important - but to Fo Ye he had practically been family). He could have said how Fo Ye had looked for Ba Ye for months, for years, with a war raging right on their doorstep, when thousands of people were dying or disappearing, when the city they had so desperately tried to protect had been burned to the ground. How Fo Ye had never truly gotten over not being able to find him - save him - or at least find out what happened. He had felt Ba Ye’s absence all his life, a regret he couldn’t let go of, not even on his deathbed. A regret Zhang Rishan had taken into his own heart, after Fo Ye’s death, added to his own regrets and moulded into a lump of regret-failure-pain-bitterness-sorrow that his trained mind still hasn’t filed away properly. He has failed Ba Ye, too, and has missed Ba Ye, too. And this is his mess, this is what his jumbled thoughts had made a god do, so he leaves it at that.

Zhang Rishan is prepared for anger, for reproaches, for being smacked again, but Ba Ye’s face is unreadable and he doesn’t say anything, his fingers around Zhang Rishan’s arm only slightly tightening their grip. He waits for something - anything - to happen, (maybe for the sky to fall down or the earth to open up and swallow him), for him to wake up and realize everything’s only just been a dream - nightmare? - or for one of them to tell him he’s crazy and there’s no way this could be possible. And someone does: “But that��s impossible, that would be a paradox”, Wu Xie says and Zhang Rishan looks at him pointedly.

“A bootstrap paradox, to be exact”, Huo Daofu remarks and really, that’s the part of all of this he wants to comment on? “A what now?” Pangzi asks, squinting at Huo Daofu and Zhang Rishan is glad he is not the only one who has no idea what Huo Daofu is talking about. “A bootstrap paradox. It basically describes phenomena with a cause-effect-loop just like this. I mean, you don’t know my gran, but she was absolutely obsessed with the famous Qi Tiezui so I don’t know how many times I heard the story of his tragic, mysterious disappearance and all the questions and the search and Zhang Da Fo Ye’s heartbreak.” He looks like he wants to roll his eyes in annoyance at the mention of his grandmother. “But that’s exactly that. He vanished and you wanted to find out why and that wish brought him here in the first place. So what came first? There is no discernable point of origin for- what, I like Sci-Fi, don’t look at me like that!”

It is somehow reassuring and disconcerting at the same time that Huo Daofu of all people manages to sum up his thoughts like this, aside from his guilt. And that he is able to put a name to this, even if that doesn’t mean it’s a real thing. Fiction is fiction after all. How can there even be such a thing? But then, how could there be a god chained to a cave or a mysterious force controlling people like that or golden coffin water that saved people from certain death? After everything else he has already seen and lived through or just heard about in his life he shouldn’t be so doubtful. It’s also quite unsettling how much Huo Daofu knows about Ba Ye’s disappearance and how casually he mentions those details. But Ba Ye doesn’t seem too upset about the mention of Fo Ye’s heartbreak, at least for the moment. Instead he perks up at Huo Daofu’s words.

“Good, good! After all you heard and all you read about that then it must be a real thing, so I think we can all agree that all of this is real and I am real!” And, curiously, Wu Xie looks at Liu Sang, who jerks his head in a small gesture of confirmation that’s not really a nod. But it is obviously enough for Wu Xie to smile at Ba Ye and nod. “Yes, I think we can. And I wanted to ask you something. You were the one who stole one of my grandpa’s dogs, right?” The question makes Ba Ye laugh awkwardly and let go of Zhang Rishan’s arm, so he can gesture at Wu Xie.

“Of course that’s what he would tell his grandchildren about me. Let me tell you, I took out that dog’s gallstones and I brought it back safe and sound! And he acted like I murdered it!” Wu Xie laughs at the face Ba Ye makes, or maybe his helpless gesturing. “He always said you kidnapped that dog just to get back at him.” Zhang Rishan isn’t sure if he imagines how the conversation tiptoes on the line of ‘friendly conversation’ and ‘fishing for information’. But he hadn’t been present for the whole Dog-stealing-thing, so he keeps listening, ignoring Pangzi who starts to tease Huo Daofu about his obvious love for science fiction and then continues to question him about his favorites.

“Aiyah! That’s just what I told Fo Ye, that Wu Laogou would never give me his dog if I asked him because he would think I wanted to get back at him. But I really wasn’t! We needed his gallstones to cure Mo Ce so Fo Ye said I had to steal it if I wouldn’t ask for it. So I stole it, but as I said, I brought it back better than new, freshly cured. And he even made me apologize to the dog!” That is actually something he hadn’t known, but Wu Xie laughing and saying “Of course he would!” is enough to finally fully convince him that all of this is real. It puts his mind at ease and shifts his focus to other things he still has questions about.

They should definitely find out more about this god and the people that imprisoned it. He takes out his phone to take some photos of the mural and finds it mostly covered in white, but just like before it just crumbles away in little flakes. Surprisingly his phone still works and there is no trace of dampness to it. For a moment he stares at the screen and then at his arm, where Ba Ye's hands had grabbed him. The dried white stuff has crumbled away where the cloth had been moved or touched, leaving no trace, no lingering wetness. Deliberately taking note of every part of his skin he realizes that actually nothing feels wet or damp, even though he practically swam in that liquid. He can only recall the feeling of the liquid clinging to him and dragging him down like water-soaked and heavy clothing would do, but it seems highly unlikely that he was unconscious long enough for his clothes to completely dry. It's like whatever was in the pool only wrapped itself around him, like a cocoon, but didn't soak through anything.

Luo Que is still beside him, silently watching him. His arms are covered in white flakes, too, so he must have helped Pangzi get him out of the pool. “Do you remember what the liquid felt like?” Luo Que looks confused for a moment, furrowing his brows until his eyes drift down to his own arms and he seems to get what Zhang Rishan is asking. “Not really like liquid, it felt cool but not wet at all”, he answers, rubbing at one of the larger stains that crumbles away under his fingertips. This only confirms his suspicions, he wants this stuff analyzed. Luo Que finds a zip-lock-bag somewhere in his backpack and together they manage to get at least some of the white flakes and dust into the bag, although it seems to disintegrate once it gets shaken off whatever surface it had clung to.

Wondering if this is even really a tomb he takes pictures of the whole mural. It seems more like a temple - no, they didn’t worship the god here, so more of a prison for a god if there is a word for such a thing. He turns only to find Ba Ye watching him, staring at his phone. Of course, the kinds of cameras Ba Ye knows were big and bulky so he hands it to Ba Ye. “It’s a camera and a phone”, he explains, which only makes Ba Ye stare harder, turning the device in his hands. “It’s so small!” His wonder makes Zhang Rishan smile and he promises to show Ba Ye what it can do later.

Which seems almost like a cue for them to decide to carefully explore the rest of the tomb for more information and to find out if it really is a tomb. They take the dagger, the only remarkable thing on the altar and maybe something that can help them find out more about the people that used it. Maybe at least how old this cave is. Zhang Rishan is still unsure if it’s a tomb or a prison, even after they find two more caves with clay jugs filled with human ashes. Cremation is not exactly a common burial tradition for this region and there are no grave goods at all. Not one single treasure, to Pangzi’s great disappointment, no more murals, no scripture, nothing. It’s mostly a disappointment in terms of exploration, but maybe they can find out some more.

Since it already got dark when they reached the tomb they decide to spend the night in the cave with the pool, which is the only one with enough room for all of them (and they don’t really want to sleep next to rows of human ashes). It’s still quite dark, even with Pangzi’s heater instead of a fire but more comfortable than outside where Liu Sang had heard rain and thunder. None of them goes to check, there is no need to hurry back, they can spend one night in the cave and hopefully the rain will have stopped the next day.

Reception in the cave is strong enough to mail the pictures to some contacts and ask them to look into it. Ba Ye watches him curiously while he types in the message and Zhang Rishan shows him all the other functions - or at least everything he frequently uses his phone for, which makes Pangzi laugh. “Ahh, President Zhang,” he scolds, using the title he had never used before. “You are all about work! Show the poor man some good things! Here, look at this game,” and he tucks on Ba Ye’s shoulder to get him to lean over his own phone.

“Pangzi, the ‘poor man’ doesn’t have a phone to send you money for your stupid game”, Wu Xie leans on Pangzi’s other shoulder, grinning and obviously finished with his phone call. “Ah, Tianzhen, pay attention. I’m already done with that one, this is a new one. Here, look!” Judging by the way all three of them look at the phone it must be something cute and Zhang Rishan finds himself smiling again, glad and thankful that they include Ba Ye so effortlessly. He will need people who can care for him and help him if he decides he won’t forgive Zhang Rishan after they get a chance to talk about everything that has happened since Ba Ye vanished.

This thought wipes the small smile off his face and he distracts himself by texting Liang Wan, asking her when she will be back from her trip because he wants her to check Ba Ye, blood tests and all. He will do everything he can to make sure Ba Ye is okay (or as okay as he can be) and has everything he needs for a life in the 21. century. Which is another reason why he offers Ba Ye his sleeping bag, who simply refuses, adamant that they can share. They end up with Zhang Rishan sitting on one half, leaning his back against the wall and Ba Ye using his leg as a pillow, curled up next to him on the other half. It’s familiar, but he represses the memories, busying himself with shrugging out of his coat without waking Ba Ye to drape it over him because he can feel him shiver against his leg. It seems to be getting colder but he doesn’t mind. Ba Ye doesn’t wake, but when he looks back up Wu Xie smiles at him from where Pangzi is halfway wrapped around him, head on Zhang Qilings lap.

When they pack up the next morning it’s still raining and it’s really noticeably colder than before. Zhang Rishan lets Ba Ye keep his coat, he will need some protection against the rain in his thin changshan, even if the thick forest they had hiked through should offer some protection against the rain. But when they leave the cave there is no more forest, only muddy ground where lush undergrowth had been and some tree stumps that look long dead.

“Well, the forest was unusual”, Liu Sang says but still seems just as perturbed as everyone else. For a moment they just stand there and look around them. “I guess they really needed that god to grow something around here”, Pangzi jokes, but he sounds uneasy about it. And how could they not be, with miles of dead land around them where hours before there had been fruit trees and berry bushes in abundance. Zhang Rishan represses a shiver of uneasiness and just wants to leave this place as soon as possible. He is not the only one. Instinctively they walk faster on their way back, or as fast as they can. The rain had made the ground slippery with mud and dead plants. None of them feels comfortable about stopping for the night but it’s safer than trying to navigate through the dark. Thankfully the rain stopped some time before that and they manage get a fire going, but still all of them are quiet and thoughtful, no trace of the easy banter of the day before.

They are packed and ready to go with the first light of the next day. Without the rain the ground dries up fast and the sun is too bright and too warm, which is actually typical for this region. At one point they cross a very visible line where the dead zone ends and there are plants and trees again, but they don’t stop to inspect it further, too glad to be out.

It’s mid afternoon when they reach the end of the road where they had left their cars and from there it’s only roughly another two hours to drive to the small village where they had spent the night before setting out on this endeavour. The villagers don’t seem to know that a whole forest has vanished and happily accommodate them again in the small inn. They had seemed to avoid the general area of said forest and hadn’t wanted to talk about it before, just whispering about local legends of a ‘man-eating wood’. Luckily the owner of the small inn doesn’t seem to remember their exact number or he simply doesn’t care that they left the allegedly cursed forest with an additional person. He gives them the same rooms (which are actually the only rooms available) and goes off to prepare dinner.

They disperse to their rooms to clean up and rest for a moment until dinner is ready. Wu Xie had made sure that Zhang Rishan shares his room with Ba Ye so they can talk, but both of them seem a bit reluctant to start. They wash in a somewhat uncomfortable silence until Zhang Rishan takes off the bandages, inspecting the two cuts on his arms and is surprised at the 2 neat rows of staples. He hadn’t realized they were that long and deep that they required stapling and is actually impressed at Huo Daofu’s level of preparation for such a small trip. He obviously knows what he is doing, the cuts are clean and already healing nicely. “Let me help you”, Ba Ye takes the fresh bandages out of his hand, and starts slowly wrapping them around Zhang Rishan’s arms.

“I understand there are a lot of things that have happened since I disappeared, so just tell me”, Ba Ye’s voice is quiet and he keeps his eyes on his hands. And, taking a deep breath to brace himself, Zhang Rishan tells him. About the second attack on Changsha, the third, and finally the fourth one when they lost and everything they had tried to protect had been destroyed. He doesn’t go into detail about all the lives that were lost in the war, while Ba Ye’s fingers work slower and slower until they stop, hovering over Fo Ye’s bracelet. Zhang Rishan pulls his arms away to tuck down his sleeves, hiding the bandages and the bracelet alike, while he only briefly mentions the destruction and despair. Ba Ye had seen enough of that after the first attack on Changsha. He tells him about the years after the war, how they slowly rebuild and how Fo Ye kept looking for Ba Ye. There are not only sad things to say - Fo Ye had been happy in his marriage with Xinyue, Er Ye had been pleased with his new apprentice, the Huo-Clan had thrived, just like the Xie-Clan - although those outweigh the good things, because one by one he recounts the deaths of everyone Ba Ye knows.

“I’m sorry”, he finishes and hates that the words don’t do justice to the depth of his feelings. “You lost them too”, Ba Ye says, his voice surprisingly steady and almost gentle, and Zhang Rishan stares at him, at a loss. Yes, he did. But little by little, parts of his world crumbling away, piece by piece, until only duty remained. He’d had time to adjust to the holes, find ways around them, new paths that had grown old and used and then been torn away, too. What he had lost in the course of 80 years Ba Ye had lost in one day, one moment, one blink of an eye.

“Yes”, he says and doesn’t know how to put into words that their pain shouldn’t be compared, because there are not enough words to even begin to describe this. Pain is something he has been trained to file away into different threat levels, into different boxes. He is not allowed to have one named ‘unbearable’, but he doesn’t know how else to label the pain of that one moment when the worst thing has happened and it feels like the world just stops, just shatters and falls to pieces, never to be whole again. But everything stays the same. It’s just his world that shattered, his heart that has been torn apart never to be whole again. He is the one who changed, not the world. And he doesn’t even fathom himself how he had to change to survive that, who he had to become. Because he had become a person that would cause that kind of pain to someone else like this. He had killed countless people in his lifetime, on purpose as a Zhang, as a soldier, in the war or by mistake, by failure, by not being able to save them but he had never thought himself capable of such cruelty.

Whatever Ba Ye reads in his face (or maybe in his heart, because Ba Ye had always been good at reading hearts), it makes him knit his brows. Not in anguish or sorrow but something more akin to chagrin and he grabs the sides of Zhang Rishan’s sweater to roughly tug him forward into a bone crushing hug. And Zhang Rishan allows himself to be moved, just like he had always allowed himself to be moved whenever Ba Ye was tugging on him.

Ba Ye presses his face into the crook of his neck, arms wrapping tightly around his sides, fingers digging into his shoulder blades and Zhang Rishan can feel the shaky inhale against the bare skin of his neck. Carefully he wraps his arms around Ba Ye’s shoulders and holds him up when he feels the other man lean most of his weight on him. He doesn’t say anything, when he feels the wetness of quiet tears against his shoulder, just closes his eyes, offering whatever comfort he can offer like this.

#fuba #zhang rishan #ba ye #qi tiezui #dmbj fic #mystic nine

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kanjukucompany · 3 years

Text

【A3! Translation】 Sumeragi Tenma SSR: Exciting Theme Park 1/3

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3

translation under the cut:

Tenma: ….Where are we?

Yuki: That’s my line.

Misumi: There’s no Statue of Liberty~.

Kazunari: So many billboards… Isn’t this Times Square?

Izumi: I think you’re right…

Yuki: Haa...This is exactly why I tried to stop you guys back then.

[flashback starts]

Kazunari: Hey, for tomorrow’s free time, why don’t we all go exploring together?

Muku: Wah~, that sounds fun!

Misumi: Let’s do it~!

Yuki: I didn’t really have anything planned, so I guess that’s fine.

Tenma: Can’t you just admit you want to go?

Yuki: Shut up. Hack, are you coming too or not?

Tenma: Hmph, I have no other choice, I’ll go.

Yuki: ….How was that any different.

Kumon: Uwaa~, I’m really looking forward to it! What are we gonna do!?

Izumi: It’s kind of exciting, isn’t it.

Kumon: Ah, Director!

Kazunari: Nice timing! Do you have any plans for tomorrow’s free-time?

Kazunari: We were talking about hanging out together, do you wanna join us?

Misumi: Director-san, let’s go together~!

Izumi: Thank you. Well then, I guess I’ll join you guys.

Yuki: So, where are we going?

Misumi: I want to look for American triangles~!

Muku: I’d like to buy souvenirs.

Izumi: Oh, that would be good. I also wanted to buy some souvenirs for Manager and Kamekichi.

Kumon: I want to eat huge burgers and pizza!

Izumi: What about Tenma-kun and Kazunari-kun? Is there anywhere you want to go?

Kazunari: I travel a lot and did everything I wanted to do already, so I’m happy just being with everyone!

Tenma: I was here for work not too long ago. I’m fine with whatever they want.

Yuki: Show-off.

Tenma: I’m not the only one! Kazunari just said he’s been here a bunch of times too!

Kumon: Ah! By the way, I promised my friends from school that I’d take a photo of the Statue of Liberty!

Yuki: The Statue of Liberty...Well, I might as well see it since I’m in America.

Muku: Yeah, me too!

Misumi: Is the Statue of Liberty a triangle~?

Kazunari: Speaking of, Tenten visited the Statue of Liberty in a show too!

Tenma: Yeah, I did an interview around there.

Kumon: I see! Then Tenma-san can lead the way!

Tenma: Hah?

Kumon: You traveled around the Statue of Liberty on your show, and you seem to know a lot about New York!

Tenma: ….O-Of course. Leave the directions to me.

Yuki: Are we seriously going to leave the directions to this guy? I have a feeling he doesn’t know how to get there.

Tenma: That’s not true! I was just here so I remember it perfectly. Just follow me!

Izumi: (Tenma-kun says so, but is this really okay...)

[flashback end]

*T/N: italicized lines are in english

Izumi: --It wasn’t okay….

Misumi: You look worried~.

Tenma: S-Shut up!

Tenma: Anyways! I’m going to ask someone for directions, wait here.

Tenma: Ah, um, excuse me?

Woman A: ?

Tenma: Where am I...um… I want to…

Woman B: ???

Woman A: I don’t understand but... are you a tourist?

Woman B: Hehe, this boy’s cute. Do you wanna get some doughnuts with us over there?

Tenma: W-What are you saying…?

Kazunari: Tenten, aren’t you being hit on? They wanna get doughnuts with you!

Tenma: Hah!? N-No, no!

Muku: Wah~, Tenma-kun’s popular with American women too...!

Kumon: As expected of Tenma-san!

Yuki: I mean, they can’t understand that hack’s English, and he can’t even understand what they’re saying.

Tenma: Shut up! My English grades improved a little!

Tenma: But, I don’t have much listening practice… I just don’t understand them well…

Izumi: It’s hard to make out pronunciation.

Tenma: Right?

Tenma: But, if I can improve my listening, I can score an 80 on the test--.

Misumi: ?

Tenma: I-It’s nothing! Let’s go to the Statue of Liberty!

Izumi: Getting from Times Square to the Statue of Liberty…

Kazunari: I looked it up a little bit ago, and apparently the station to get there isn’t too far away from here.

Yuki: Times Square is a tourist spot too, though. Since I’ve come this far I want to do some shopping.

Muku: Well, I'm sure it’s fine to take a small detour.

Kumon: Oh, hey! That shop looks cool!

Misumi: Look, look! The sign has a triangle!

Tenma: Jeez, I guess it can’t be helped then…

Tenma: …?

Izumi: What is it?

Tenma: Nothing...I thought I felt someone looking at me just now….

Muku: I wonder if a fan saw you…?

Yuki: That’s in Japan, he’s basically a nobody overseas so they’re not going to recognize him here.

Kazunari: Maybe some Japanese tourists recognized Tenten!

Tenma: ….Right.

(please lmk if you notice any mistakes!)

#a3!#a3 game #a3 translation #tenma sumeragi #yuki rurikawa #muku sakisaka #misumi ikaruga #kazunari miyoshi #kumon hyodo #natsugumi #summer troupe #my translations

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levi-lover · 3 years

Text

It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s a Lifestyle (Levi x Reader)

W/C: 1069

T/W: the word emo lol jk,

A/N: This is a modern Levi scenario, idk I feel like in a modern setting Levi would have been an MCR emo and that’s hot. Also Levi with eyeliner is hot, I didn’t make the rules. (I found this photo on Pinterest and I couldn’t find the creator but all credits for this heavenly image goes out to them!)

It was another Tuesday night, you and Levi were sprawled on the couch watching a B-rated horror flick. This wasn’t your favorite genre but Hange recommended it to Levi and you trusted their taste. As the girl on the screen ran through a wheat field the killer right behind her, you sighed and checked your phone. You strolled through Twitter got bored so you opened Instagram. Your Explore page was covered in photos of people dressed in heavy eyeliner and MCR t-shirts, there were edits of band members to accompany the selfies. You let out a little chuckle.

“Mmm,” Levi mumbled without taking his eyes off of the screen.

“It’s nothing.” You continued to scroll until you saw a photo of a man with dark hair, smudged eyeliner, and painted nails. You raised an eyebrow because the man looked a bit like Levi, this got you thinking.

“Levi?” You asked.

“Mmm,” Levi repeated.

“Did you ever go through an emo phase?” You questioned.

Levi looked away from the screen and stared at you in confusion.

“An emo phase? Like into My Chemical Romance and victorian stuff.” He asked, his thin eyebrow was arched.

“Yeah, kinda like that. I guess it’s different for everyone.”

Levi’s cheeks started to turn pink. He lowered his gaze, “Uh, kinda…”

You sat up and looked at Levi wide-eyed. “Wait really? Did you wear eyeliner and everything?”

Levi paused the movie and shifted his weight so he was facing you. His gray eyes looking at everything in the room but your face. “Yeah, in high school, I would spend lunch reading Gothic Horror and listening to old emo bands from the ’80s.”

“Huh, emo Levi. Do you have any photos?” You asked.

Levi went silent and his face was now a deep shade of red.

“I think my mom might have some…I’ll have to ask next time I see her. Can we talk about this after the movie is done?”

You glared at him and let out a sigh. “Kinda rude of you to tell me this valuable information and then leaving me hanging, Buddy! But okay.”

He rolled his eyes at you and faced the tv. He turned the movie back on and raised his arm to make space for you. You continued to glare at him but you crawled over to his side and snuggled. You continued to watch the movie but you couldn’t stop thinking about teenage emo Levi. You pictured him waking up in the morning and smudging eyeliner on his face, his brows furrowed in concentration. It was all too adorable. You let out another chuckle.

“Tsk, are you still thinking about it?” He asked.

“Of course, I am Levi. I can’t get the image of you wearing, let alone putting on eyeliner.”

He paused the movie again and looked down at you.

“Why?”

“Uh, because it sounds hot.”

Levi pulled away from you, his eyebrows slightly raised. “Really?”

“Duh.” You retorted

Levi looked back to the screen, dumbfounded. He didn’t know you would think that was attractive. That intrigued him.

“Would you like to see it on me?” He asked, he loved making you happy. It was one of his favorite hobbies and if this could do the trick, why not do it? It’s not like he’s a stranger to makeup.

“Yes!! Levi, that would be the most amazing thing ever and I would love you forever and ever.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, “well, if that’s the case I guess I have no choice.”

“Yeah, it looks like you don’t.”

“Sure, okay. Do you have any eyeliner or black eyeshadow?”

“Yes, sir. It should be in the top left drawer.”

“K, thanks. I’ll be right back.”

Levi got up from the couch and walked towards the bathroom. He shook his head as he walked down the hallway. You laid out on the couch and squealed. This is going to be amazing! You thought. Levi was gone for a few minutes. It had been a few years since he put on makeup but he still remembered a few tricks. You heard his gentle footsteps from the hallway.

“I’m done. Please don’t laugh, okay?” Levi called out, regardless of your earlier praise, he was still a little bit nervous.

“Levi, I wouldn’t laugh at y-.” As Levi walked back into the living room, your jaw dropped. His bright eyes were lined with dark coal and smudged to perfection. It highlighted the narrowness and intensity of his eyes. His black hair was perfectly framing his sharp cheekbones accentuated by the light coat of bronzer in the hollows of his cheeks. He gave you a small smirk.

“You look so hot. Levi, you have no idea. If we went to high school together I would have the biggest crush on you, like big time.”

Levi’s face became flushed, he looked at the ground, and awkwardly grabbed his left arm with his right hand. He normally kept a cool composure but your words made his stomach flutter and the feeling never got old to him. He loved your compliments. You always knew what to say to build up his confidence.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” You said matter-of-factly. “Yes, you look like the hottest emo boyfriend in the entire world.”

He smiled at you, your heart skipped a beat. Your man didn’t smile much but when he did you swore the heavens opened up and gave birth to an angel.

You opened your arms and beckoned for him to come to you. He quickly walked over to you and cuddled into your arms. He wrapped his toned arms around your waist and buried his face into your chest. You placed your hands at the base of his neck and started to stroke his undercut, Levi let out a small sigh.

“Okay, now that you got your wish, can we finish the movie now?” He asked.

“I guess, I’ll finish it for Hange so I could bash their questionable taste in movies later.”

“Good luck with that. Hange will fight you to the death.”

“Geez, you’re so dramatic.”

Levi smiled, “I guess it must be the emo part of me. It’s not just a fashion statement, it’s a lifestyle.”

You rolled your eyes at him and unpaused the movie. The movie didn’t get any better but you took a glance at Levi every once in a while because oh boy, did he look good in that eyeliner.

#levi ackerman #levi #levi snk #levi aot #levi ackerman snk #levi ackerman aot #levi lover fic #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fic #aot #snk #emo levi #modern levi akcerman #modern aot #levi ackerman fluff

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alex-guerin · 2 years

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So. Hi.

I’m still not quite sure what I’m doing or why, I think maybe just...doing this because, I keep seeing things on my dash relating to things like this and I just...feel like I’m having some kind of identity crisis (or it could just be the whole, forcing myself back into hiding after having to move back in with my parents thing this past year, I dunno). So, my name’s Alyssa, but most of my life I’ve generally just been called Lyss. Which has been fine by me for the most part (i prefer it over my full name any day).

As you can guess from my pictures, I was born in the mid-80s, grew up all thru the 90s, etc. You can also guess from the pictures, I was a “tomboy” growing up. Except, I don’t think that’s really what I’d call it. Me dressing and acting like a boy was just who I was. I can remember being little (like, second picture up there little) and being mad that I wasn’t allowed to do certain things because they were for boys. In preschool, there was a day where we got to go swimming and I was mad that the boys could run around in shorts and no shirt, but I had to wear a swimsuit (fast forward to me age 7 being at a neighbor’s house that had two sons who were running around in trunks and I said screw it and took my shirt off too cuz I was 7 and hated that it was okay for them but not me and was promptly screamed at to put my clothes back on).

When I was younger, I dreamed of being a baseball player. Not a softball player, I didn’t wanna play softball. Softball was for girls, and I wanted to play baseball with the boys. As you can tell from the school photo, the times we were allowed to bring in props, I brought in baseball gear...much to my mother’s dismay. Finally gave up on that dream when I kept getting repeatedly told I wasn’t allowed to play baseball, if I wanted to play, I’d have to try out for softball because I was a girl and that was the only way I’d get to play.

But I didn’t feel like a girl! I wanted to wear baggy clothes like the guys, I wore baseball caps backwards and would get mad every time my mom told me to either turn it around or take it off completely because, “You look like a boy with it backwards!” And I remember one time flat out asking her, “What’s wrong with that? Maybe I WANT to look like a boy!” A grown woman having an argument with her 10 year old in a Walmart because her child wanted to dress like Max from “A Goofy Movie” had to be a great thing to see especially as I was standing there crying while she told me, “You’re not a boy! I gave birth to a daughter and you’re her! You need to start acting like a young lady!!”

I’ve always had the mannerisms of a guy, always gravitated into the guys clothing departments, when I got glasses for the first time I wanted to try on the ones geared towards little boys my age and got immediately steered back towards the “little girls” glasses, and I always wanted my hair cut short like a guy’s, which never happened until I was in my late 20s and finally said fuck this, chop it all off...which was liberating af. Soon as I got my hair cut as short as I wanted it, I felt AMAZING! Which, of course, meant as soon as my mom saw it, she threw a fit and I had to lie saying it wasn’t what I wanted, it got too short, the hairstylist wasn’t paying attention, etc. I wanted to cry over lying like that and felt ashamed over the fact I was so happy to have such short hair finally.

Have I worn dresses before? Yes, and they made my skin crawl over how wrong they made me feel. Have I worn make-up? A few times, but again, I hated how it made me feel and I never actually learned how to put it on myself, other people have had to do it for me. I have suffered from gender dysphoria my entire life, though didn’t actually have a name for it until recently. Does this make me trans? Shit, probably, but I legit honestly have zero clue. I am almost 36 years old and have been beaten down so much in my life, having had to keep parts of me buried and hidden just to avoid fights that I legit don’t even know who or what I am anymore. I just know that to this day, I’d rather wear baggy clothes and ballcaps than anything found in the “womens” department...where I force myself to buy clothes (with the exception of the occasional space/NASA themed T-Shirt).

I wanna say I’m trans, I probably am, but I don’t know. All I know is that I have always related to male characters easier than I ever have female ones (which could also just be because of poor writing, lbrh), I always wanted to dress up as the male characters -- wanted to be Michelangelo, Max Goof, Marty McFly, Billy the Blue Ranger. I wanted to play hockey, baseball, I wanted to race dirt bikes and skateboard, I took auto mechanics two years in high school and was ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian because of it. Am I saying there’s anything wrong with cis girls who play those sports or anything? No. Absolutely not. There were two other girls in my auto mech class who were never taunted or anything despite both tended to dress in guy clothes because they always made it clear they were girls and they were fine with it. I always kept to myself, was quiet, and was so obviously different that teens were teens and bullied me for it. Besides that, there’s plenty of women’s leagues for hockey, there’s female dirt bike racers and skateboarders, but what I’m saying is I didn’t want to be on the women’s teams, I wanted to be on the men’s teams. Treated, quite literally, like “One of the guys.” To this day I perform a job that is primarily dominated by men -- I drive a forklift in a warehouse. And I’m damn good at it and proud of myself for it and love the fact that all my coworkers are guys right now.

Anyway, like I said at the start...I dunno why I wrote any of this, or what I’m even doing. I guess I’ve been wanting to get things off my chest (figuratively and literally, except I doubt that’ll ever happen) for a while now and I saw a post on my dash about “remember when girls were tomboys” and it set me off sobbing because of the truths the OP spilled and I wanted to share this since I know I’ll never really be able to be “out” in any official capacity...not safely anyway. Even though there’s times on here where I’m not sure it’s really safe to admit I feel like a trans guy...given the posts I’ve seen bashing all things male...but...Tumblr is generally my safe space, so...there we go.

#personal log #transmasc #trans man #guess I'm out?

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nancypullen · 2 years

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Where Do I Start?

What a fabulous birthday weekend! My family, my friends, the fun, even the weather! I don’t know where to start. I feel truly celebrated and after 59 trips around the sun, that’s a mighty good feeling. To every person who offered up a message, a card, or a call - thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m always a little overwhelmed at the amount of kindness directed toward me, I’m not worthy! So before I boohoo over all of the love, let’s talk about the weather! It. was. gorgeous. Like, windows-in-my-craft-room-open-and-Vivaldi-filling-the-house-with-sounds-of-Autumn gorgeous.

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That alone was enough to put a dreamy smile on my face, but there were delightful surprises ahead - too many to name! I will, however, share some of the fun...

The mister made an appointment for us on Saturday to visit Work Horse Farm. It’s a family business about ten minutes from us that rescues animals. They have everything from camels to sloths, zebras to kangaroos, chickens to porcupines...you get the idea. Best of all, you can feed and pet ALL of them! I know I’m a grandma, but the child in me was THRILLED. I cuddled a sloth, fed and stroked a capybara, petted kangaroos (ohmygosh, the softest, most velvety fur ever), bonded with a camel named Henry, and so much more. I admit, there was a part of me wondering if there’d be a creepy Tiger King vibe and if I’d regret going - but there wasn’t! It’s truly a family devoted to caring for rescues and educating folks about both exotic and domestic animals. That’s why they’re not open to the public but they’ll take appointments and form a small tour, they also let school groups visit. The animals were obviously healthy and happy, and not afraid to ask for a snack. When you’re giving a capybara a snack and a wallaby sneaks up behind you, you know you’re having a great day. There was even a big Canadian goose who has joined their flock of domestic geese and refuses to leave. His family still spends part of their year at a pond on the property, but when they migrate I guess he just waves as they fly over. Here’s a shot of the emus and camels coming to check out the visitors.

I never knew how much I wanted a camel until I nuzzled noses with this one.

And look at these gorgeous babies!

Our group had around eight people in it and we were all so excited to have a chance to feed and touch these beautiful animals. I mean, look at this little kangaroo enjoying a belly scratch!

I was especially eager to meet the sloth (my spirit animal) and he didn’t disappoint. He’s in his own little house now that temps have cooled off. The owner said he needs to be in an environment 80 degrees or warmer to be comfortable. So we were allowed to enter his house and pet him. The only warning was to “keep your fingers away from his mouth”, which I had no problem doing. Mickey apparently forgot that rule and stroked the sloth’s cheek, causing the sloth to slowwwwwwwwwly turn his head and slowwwwwwly open his mouth. No danger of being snapped at by a sloth.

I commented that I’d expected the hair to be coarse, but he was silky soft. The owner replied that in the wild his hair probably would be more coarse but he’s quite pampered at their place. His outdoor area was lovely - loads of trees, hammocks, food stations, etc. I wondered if he’s lonely for other sloths but apparently they live quite solitary lives. Besides, he’s surrounded by other animals just like he’d be in the canopy of a tropical forest. Okay, okay - I could fill this blog with photos of the fun we had at Work Horse Farm, but I’ll just stick their website here and let you see more if you choose.

https://work-horse-farm-rescue-and-exotics.business.site/ After waving goodbye to my new love, Henry the camel, we drove down the road to Easton where I picked out a fancy schmancy new light fixture for my feminine artsy-craftsy room. Behold!

Isn’t she sparkly and pretty? That bit of fabulous was courtesy of Matt’s gift card. And as if that wasn’t enough, as we were leaving I spotted YEWS! I have a long love affair with yews. They delight me. They grow nicely, they stay healthy, they don’t have ouchy spikes like hollies and other shrubs, and they’re pleasing all year, every season. That was my wish for greenery along the front porch but I hadn’t been able to find any all summer. Lo and behold, the birthday gods put them in my path - a gift from the universe. And now I have three dark green spreading yews. Perfect timing because two of the super cheap Japanese Hollies that I bought at the Denton Walmart in May are on life support. Go figure. WAIT! I didn’t mention that before we went to Work Horse Farm we made a quick stop at Ball Greenhouses - another place just a few miles from our front door. I found the kale, pansies, mini mums, and little pumpkins I needed for my porch containers. They even had bundles of cornstalks for just $4! So that was a carload of happy. You can see the joy all over his face.

Anyywayyyy - on the way home from Easton we decided to just pick up Chinese food for dinner which didn’t hurt my feelings one bit. I didn’t cook or clean the whole day. It was pure fun. And that wasn’t even my birthday! Late, late that night, actually the wee hours of my birthday, I woke to the sound of rain on the roof. Another birthday wish granted. On Sunday Mickey woke me up with a delicious breakfast sandwich from Earth Tones Cafe. A veggie and egg sandwich (thick slabs of perfect avocado!) of their house-made sourdough bread. Good morning! I’d already told him that I didn’t want him to hang around if he had photos to take. He’s doing a lot of that for the county and it seems like every weekend there’s another festival, hoedown, bazaar, concert, or something. He said he might run off to snap a few things, which he did, so I got my ducks in a row. I knew I’d put him to work when he came home because he’d promised to help me put up outdoor fall decor and he wanted to go out for a birthday dinner but I wanted to stay home and just grill something. That means he’d be manning the grill. Poor fella, bet this weekend wore him out. My choice of birthday meal was chicken-spinach-feta burgers on whole grain buns. He came through and they were delicious. YUM. Anyway, I’d spent a couple of days earlier in the week putting together a fall garland to put over the front door. As usual I tried to do it as cheaply as possible and that was probably a mistake. I bought a bunch of inexpensive floral stems and decided to wing it. It turned out fine, but my sister was getting messages like this.

I had flowers and wire spread out, trying to make sense of it all.

It did get finished, I was happy with it, and you-know-who ended up on a ladder attaching it to the door frame.

I put together the porch containers and hung them on the railing.

It’s looking like fall, y’all! Try to imagine how happy all of this made me. If this is what turning 59 feels like, I don’t mind it one bit. But my sweet guys had more in store. I will not tick off a list of gifts because that feels tacky. I do, however, want to share something that the Pullen men pulled together and surprised me with...

Pardon my crooked pic, but LOOK!!!! Those are the Royal Stafford Haunted House dishes that I mooned over! I would never, ever have asked for or expected a set! I was perfectly content to have my little witch bowl for my veggies eggs every morning. I truly was. I hope they don’t think I’m going to save these and use them just once a year - the 31st of every month will be a fine time to use them, as well as the entire period between my birthday and November 1st. And maybe every other day of the year. They’re so stinkin’ perfect! What a perfect blend of my dish fetish and my unhealthy obsession with Halloween. Check out the windows on the dinner plate.

And I’ve already shared the delightful bowl pattern, here’s the salad/sandwich plate - it’s the same pattern!

Is it weird to just want to gaze at dishes and sigh? I know it is, I just don’t care. There was FaceTiming, phone calls, cake, more gifts, and lots and lots of laughter. I feel more celebrated and loved than I have a right to, honestly. I always feel so undeserving on my birthday - the people I love really do make me feel special. Wait until you see what my sister made, it deserves its own post. I don’t deserve any of it and I’m choked up just thinking about how very, very grateful I am. How on Earth did I get so lucky? How did all of these wonderful people end up in my little life? I can’t explain it but I will be forever thankful. Now I think I’ll go have a good cry over it. Every card, every message, every gift was hugged to my heart. The Pullen men spoil me and I hope that’s because they know that they’re my whole life. The beat of my heart. And that’s what 59 trips around the sun will do to you, turn you to mush. I’m going to pull myself together and get some dinner on the table for Mickey. Tomorrow I’ll snap some photos of our pretty fall porch and share them here. There’s still a bit left to do, but it’s coming together. I’m in full autumn mode - I’m ready for chowders and gingersnaps. Sweaters! Socks! Flannel nightgowns! Bring it on! Thank you for slogging through this post as words ping-ponged in my brain and fell out onto the keyboard. I know it’s a mess. At least it’s a cheerful mess. Sending out some pumpkin-spiced love today! Stay safe, stay well.

Nancy

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