#and because his life’s purpose was first and foremost to care for Sam | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astudyinfreewill · 3 years

Text

“it all comes down to the soul(s) in the end”: or, characters make the story work, and not the other way around

outing myself yet again as a dabb era critical blog here but. i just think the difference between carver era and dabb era is that carver era was character-arc driven while dabb era was overarching-main-plot driven with some good character moments thrown in (which may be to do with the fact that - iirc - during carver era for a while they didn’t know if they’d get renewed so they couldn’t plan too far ahead and just progressed the story by increments, as opposed to dabb era knowing they had a longer time frame to work with and deciding the plot beforehand).

the thing is, i think most of us can agree that after the kripke era - which, for all its flaws and setbacks (hello writers’ strike), had a self-contained myth arc involving both an internally coherent narrative and certain well-defined character beats - and going into the gamble “hot girl summer but make it angst” era, the appeal of supernatural relies largely on the characters. it has to, because for a show to keep running after 6-7 seasons, you have to be invested not just in the story/stories being told, but in the people driving the story forward. it simply won’t work otherwise.

and - to my perception at least - the carver era (perhaps largely due to ben edlund’s imprint in s8, lbr) knew that. some examples of what i mean:

it gave dean an arc about dealing with the toxicity of his upbringing and his unhealthy attachment to sam, as well as starting to explore other meaningful relationships for himself (benny, charlie, and of course him continuously reaching out to cas) - essentially it allowed dean to confront that he wanted things.

it gave sam an arc about dealing with his trauma re: demon blood, and having to confront what it means to be good, how he always felt impure through no fault of his own - and it shifted him over into accepting that his calling in life is as a keeper of lore and mentor to other people, by contrasting the failure of the sam/amelia relationship with him finding the bunker and discovering a different part of the hunting world

it forced cas to confront what he wants for himself, by making him deal with his own changing nature (being human, then an angel again, and the whole arc about living on borrowed grace), and with the other angels falling and what that meant for him; he got the chance to be on his own and be with the winchesters, to both make mistakes and be a leader to other angels - and then give up that leadership by choice because he prioritised his human family to his reputation in heaven (which should have been a clear indication of endgame human cas but i digress)

it brought in compelling new characters - primarily charlie and kevin, though they were both horrendously mistreated by bucklemming writing them off - claire novak as an angry teenager, aaron and his golem, metatron as a fascinatingly meta (ha) antagonist, rowena as a frenemy, and gave old characters compelling story beats (crowley and his “humanity addiction”). also, it had writers like robbie thompson who were attuned to the fan community in an unprecedented way.

with the dabb era, i feel like because they’d set their mind on where the story was going (e.g.: killing dean, having a new and “better” god in place, giving sam a white picket fence ending) they didn’t really care if they had to break the protagonists’ characterisation to get us there. we still had moments of great characterisation - steve yockey episodes first and foremost, and of course robert berens carrying the dean/castiel beats - but mostly, characterisation came second to what the story would need. this is how we get dean winchester, friend and protector to kids everywhere, being A-Okay with sacrificing a kid he supposedly cares about, not once but several times over, because the plot needed Emotional Stakes™️.

(and this, by and large, is my issue with jack as a character too, because he spends so much of his time on the show so clearly being a plot device - a literal deus ex machina - that he ends up being not very compelling to me. “but baby jack!” i hear you say. and yes, yes, he’s cute and i like him, but listen -- his characterisation reads as a blank slate because ultimately that’s what the narrative needs from him - and there’s a whole separate post i could make on that, really).

but i think the main problem is that the endgame the dabb era had in mind conflicted openly with the stakes they had set up in the carver era - and that the most attuned writers kept up with even in seasons 12-15, which is why the finale felt as stridently wrong as it did (other than being ridiculously badly written). by which i mean:

dean was set up as wanting something more for himself, more than hunting and violence, and we see that in moments - but it’s not what he ends up getting. additionally, he spends so much of seasons 8-10 breaking down his toxic traits, and then bam - suddenly, he’s turned into john 2.0, because the story demands it.

sam was set up to become a new kind of hunter, one with a men of letters background, and find happiness in the life - so you get a side plot where he successfully organises and leads a group of hunters - but ultimately he leaves all that behind and abandons the bunker (and eileen, his natural companion going forward).

cas was set up as choosing humanity over heaven because that’s where he wants to be, and choosing to become a hunter because he wants to be useful and do good - but that gets boiled down to “cas is still an angel but now he’s Also A Dad and that’s his one purpose in life now” (i’m sorry, i am not here for the hot take of “jack is good for cas because he can’t just revolve around dean”. first of all, that’s a disservice to cas’s character over the seasons, and second of all-- oh but it’s ok for cas to just revolve around jack? it don’t make no cents luv!)

i don’t think story-driven eras are inherently bad. i enjoyed seasons 1-5, but they take place when we’re still getting to know the characters; and there is a certain evolution for them there that you may like or dislike, but it makes narrative sense for them. but if you decide to go forward into a new era with well-established and beloved characters, you have to know who the characters are and what they want or your story will always ring hollow. the main problem i have with the dabb era is that it decided the story it wanted to tell - and didn’t stop to consider whether the characters living it out would actually organically fit into it. and isn’t that chuck’s whole mistake?

#spn #meta #spn meta #supernatural #dabb critical #team free will #my meta #mp #ambra.txt #in short: carver era my beloved. you committed some atrocities but i forgive you #big BIG thanks to tierney for watching me work out a shorter version of this in real time #tier i'm tagging you just in case you want to see me ramble even HARDER about this #katebushstandean #will i get cancelled for being critical of jack? stay tuned to find out #long post #long post for ts

195 notes · View notes

divine-mistake · 3 years

Note

do you have any tips to writing sam’s character?

this is a great question, yeah totally!! keep in mind that this is my interpretation of his character, not everyone's so ymmv (your mileage may vary) this is a LONG POST AHEAD!!! like a really long post but boy i put my all into this so i hope someone uses it.

first and foremost, sam is a caretaker. he prides himself on being the one to fix or solve any problem at hand, especially for the people he cares about. this means that sam is reluctant to talk about his own troubles and would focus more on trying to help other people in whatever way he can. sam would go to the ends of the earth for the people he cares about, like sarah and his family's boat in tfatws!

second, sam has a duality: he is goofy and carefree when he can be, but he can snap into business mode as soon as he needs to be serious. when things are going wrong, he is calm and collected because he knows he needs to take care of the situation (see point one) and he seems to compartmentalize stress in order to get shit done, which isn't always a good thing but it's a very sam thing to do.

however, he is also a big goofball. he loves to laugh and he loves to joke and he loves to tease. this is why he's great with his nephews! (spoilers here:) in tfatws, specifically in the scene where he's talking to bucky on zemo's plane, they are on their way to a serious fight, but sam is relaxed and teases bucky about marvin gaye! he allows himself to be goofy and joke because he can very easily shift dualities. also he's hilarious and so cute about it.

third, sam can code switch like nobody's business. what i mean by this is that sam has the ability to change the way he talks or the way he explains things to fit who he is speaking to. (spoilers:) when he is trying to help them explain their behaviors, sam speaks to karli and bucky in very different ways. when he talks to karli, he comes from a soft place of admonishment, a place of understanding, and gets her to admit in her own words that what she's doing is wrong. with bucky, he's tougher, and gets straight to the point that what bucky is doing isn't enough to absolve him.

sam code switches in a lot of different ways but these two really stood out to me while i watched tfatws, but even in catws and cacw he code switches depending on who he is talking to, because sam is a good reader of people. he can read people's emotions and he is an anticipator of needs, partially because of his role of a caretaker (see point one.)

code switching, along with sam's ability to shift plans at a moment's notice in order to succeed, shows us that he is both intelligent and resilient, flexible and willing to rise to any challenge, a high achiever. this means that he'll do whatever is necessary to reach his end goal. for example, when sam and steve were on the run and searching for bucky, sam never backed down from the challenge. they searched endlessly until they found bucky and sam didn't even know him? but sam knew how much he meant to steve. sam is willing to, again, go to the ends of the earth for the people he loves, no matter how hard the challenge may be (see point one again.)

as you can see, sam's qualities really all stem from his need to be a caretaker. sam cares. sam loves with his whole body, not just his heart. he's passionate about what he does, and passionate about people, and that's what makes him such a damn good superhero and an amazing captain america. he doesn't need super serum or anything to make him super, he's just a regular dude who strives to be a hero in his every day life and that's what made him so great, so when writing him, his motivations will always lead back to his passion for helping others, his love of his people, his need to take care of the ones that mean the most to him.

now, let's talk body language and dialogue, because that's important when writing too.

sam is a confident man and it shows in the way he moves and the way he speaks. he walks tall, put purpose in every step that he takes, but he also has this cool, confident, almost swagger to his style. not like tony stark swagger, but like "i know who i am and i'm not afraid to show you." sam doesn't strike me as someone who would ever be apprehensive about himself or about his actions, so everything he does, he is sure about. (even when he's not sure about it - 'cause boy, that's an inner demon of his i'm almost 100% on.)

in terms of dialogue, just gonna preface this with: do not use aave if you are not black. gotta get that out of the way.

however, sam does speak with southern twang! this is fairly easy for me since i grew up in louisiana, but i don't think that sam really uses slang from the bayou or anything. more so, he'll drop some g's here and there or maybe slur some words together, but he's lived out of louisiana for a while and i'm pretty sure his accent has gotten pretty weak. i've talked before about what pet names sam would use, but here are some good ones in case you need some: honey, sweetheart, sugar, sweetness, baby, baby girl, darlin', pretty girl

i think this is a pretty good overlook of sam's character, but i know i missed a lot. there is only so much ground i can cover about a character without doing a FULL study on them, but i think these are the basics. keep in mind that sam has exterior motivations: racial injustice, grief at losing his partner, the entirety of what he wakes up every day to do - but i think this hit on his internals pretty well!

if you have any specific questions, please let me know. i could talk for DAYS about sam wilson, as you can clearly tell.

#divine answers #writing tips #sam wilson #sam wilson study #sam wilson character #i just realized i didn't touch on like his negative traits and his darker areas but like #again i can't do an entire case study on this man #i guess i could actually #but i would get roasted by half this fandom i'm sure #i hope this helps?#it probably will not help i feel like all i did was write a damn character sheet instead of give tips #i'm sorry nonnie i hope this is what you were looking for

41 notes · View notes

living-dead-parker · 4 years

Text

Homecoming Queen

Summary: Request by @kalianoble - I was thinking something along the same lines being Tony's daughter and friends with the team And someone actively is trying to replace her, but she sort of pours out everything into her music and songs that she writes

Inspiration: Homecoming Queen by Kelsea Ballerini

Songs Used in the fic (not my original writing, credit goes out to the musicians): With Ears To See And Eyes To Hear & The Left Side of Everywhere by Sleeping With Sirens

Pairings: Avengers x stark!daughter, Shawn Mendes x stark!daughter

Warnings: cussing I think, implied sex, ooc Avengers

Word count: 1.9 k

"Oh come on, she's not trying to replace you," your friend Serena states, trying to reassure you. Your frown deepens as you lean back in your chair until you're nearly falling off of it.

"The other day, she was in my dad's lab, laughing and chilling with him and Bruce, as if they've been friends their whole life. Then, they barely acknowledge me and she would try to get rid of me way too quick."

Your friends wince, not entirely too sure how to respond to that. However they do feel bad, seeing how much it's taking a toll on you. Meanwhile, you sulk in your pity. As spoiled as it may sound, you'd always gotten attention from your dad and the Avengers. They never bothered to get to know any other interns or temps. Why now? What's different this time around?

Eventually, you find yourself back home and upon entering the common room, you see Peter, Sam, and Bucky sitting on a couch each. Much to your disdain, Chrissy, the Avengers thief is there too. You feel the dislike bubble inside of you. A smirk evident on her face.

"Hey, you," Bucky calls out, offering you a smile.

"Hey," you respond, not feeling or sounding too eager. They all pick upon it, but what they don't pick up on is the way Chrissy glares at you. Chrissy scoots closer to Peter, resting a hand on his thigh. You chose to ignore it.

"Is everything okay?" Sam asks.

"As much as I'd like to chit chat," Chrissy speaks up, sounding way too sweet to actually be sweet. "I think Tony might be looking for you."

"He is?"

Chrissy shrugs, picking at her nails, not looking up at you. "Last I checked," she mumbles. You roll your eyes, walking off towards your room. He would have called it it was important.

From that point on, nobody talked to you for the rest of the day. You stayed in the comfort of your room's solitude. Not a single person asked about you. Not when Chrissy was there to entertain. An angry sigh escapes your lips as you watch them all play a game of Cards Against Humanity without you. Everyone laughs as Chrissy cheers from winning another round.

The days seemed to pass by much in this fashion. Days turned to weeks, which turned to months. It was slowly growing on you until being alone was all you wanted to do anymore. The lonliness began to eat you up, making you feel depressed and angry. You'd begun to feel like you were truly loosing your place, and slowly, your assurance in your purpose.

Chrissy continued to climb the ranks and everyone was wrapped around her finger. You'd try to reach out to the others, understanding that communication is a two way street. However, it always seemed to fall apart as soon as Chrissy walked into the room. You're convinced she's watching your every move because she's always there to intercept every single interaction. Ultimately, she got to a point where she was invited to events.

Parties, galas, and any other event was no longer fun because all you ever got was a simple greeting and a rushed five minute conversation.

You sit alone at a table at one of your father's gala after parties. The gold dress you wear making you stand out, yet no one approaches. until you see an all too familiar man slowly walk up towards your table. Curly brown hair, warm brown eyes, and an inviting yet excited smile. It's contagious as you find yourself smiling back.

"This seat taken?" he asks. Looking up at him, and with a certain excited gleam, you shake your head eagerly.

"Feel free," you respond, watching as he pulls the chair opposite you out and takes a seat.

"I'm Shawn-"

"Mendes, I know," you cut him off. He looks amused as you gasp from how rude you're being. "Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. I'm Y/N-"

"Stark, I know," he cuts in, a s mink on his lips as he leans back. You never really took him as a cocky person, bout here he is, making a Stark all flustered. "Can I ask why you're all alone?"

You seemed to naturally let your guard down around him. The walls were quick to fall and you held such deep and personal conversation with him. He reciprocated, letting you in on tons of personal information. As the night continued, the two of you talked, danced, and laughed together.

From that point on, the two of you became close friends and Shawn introduced you to the amazing world of writing and making music. As your family continued to push you away and fall into Chrissy's hand, you learned to write your feelings away in some of the most lyrically beautiful prose you could. So much so that Shawn was taken aback by it all.

As time passed, you found yourself constantly examining your relationship with Shawn, realising that it's not as platonic as you'd expected. The cuddling, the kisses, the hand- holding and gentle touching. Maybe the fact that you'd just slept with him last night, just before he's meant to leave for tour.

"Are you sure you'll be fine?" he asks, stepping out of the restroom, towel wrapped around his waist. You bite your lip as you watch him walk over. He picks up your shirt from the floor and tosses it at you nervously.

"I'll be fine," you tell him. He nods, still unsure. You sigh, kneeling on your bed and crawl over to him as he stands leaning against your bed. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, lips pecking his shoulder. "Seriously, I'll be fine," you assure him. "Maybe I'll write something new while you're out being a popstar," you joke. He chuckles, placing his lips to yours.

"Maybe you'll write something better than me," he states when he pulls away. "Who am I kidding? I know you can."

Your heart swelled at his words. How can someone be so sweet and caring? So loving.

Once he left, you were stuck by yourself. However, you didn't allow yourself to get upset because you decided that you cannot buse all your happiness around Shawn. So, you got up and got productive. You showered, cleaned your room, got breakfast, and cleaned some more. You managed to say hi to your dad before Chrissy came along and you went back to your room. You grabbed your notebook and your pen, walking over to the garden room, guitar case on your back.

"Okay, we can do this," you say as you pull your guitar out. You flip open to the last song you wrote, one that's close to completion. Just needs a line or two. You then press record on your phone's voice recorder app.

"Falling over and over again," you sing, trying the chords you'd accidentally strummed the other day. You decided to keep the same general progression. "Oh, why does it have to be this way?"

The sound wasn't working, so you ditched the guitar, trying to find a sound through other mediums.

"From the place I was, to the place I am, to the place I want to be," you sing, following your own tune, letting your voice be your guide. "For the mountains I've been climbing over and under and over," you continue, finding your voice.

"From the place that I was to the woman I've become, I'll be there to see the tower you fall from," you belt out, really getting into it. "No this kingdom isn't quite what it may seem. You're an illusion you'll never be queen."

You sigh, flipping the pages in your notebook. "We'll come back to that one later, let's try Left Side of Everywhere," you tell yourself. This song was complete, now it's just a matter of recording it.

"There is no doubt tonight," you sing as you strum along on the guitar. However, you find yourself ditching the actual lyrics and singing something new. "I'm falling, I'm falling so in love with how you are to me. For you I would give anything, try to be a better person."

The words took you by surprise as you think of Shawn. You take a pause, falling into a rabbit hole of emotions and thoughts.

First and foremost, you're in love with Shawn. How could you not be? He's been nothing but kind and supportive of you. He's helped you through multiple breakdowns and he's given you purpose again. Sure, you've always had purpose even before he came along, but he helped you realize thats you're so much more than Tony Stark's daughter or a friend of the Avengers. So much more than just Shawn's friend. It doesn't matter if everyone is blinded by Chrissy's temporary shine, because you're so much more than that and you have things to say. Shawn encourages that. You don't need people who easily push you away and forget about you when someone new comes along.

"Now that I have the world in front of me," you sing excitedly. "I'm never turning back. How could I ever let this go?"

You pick the guitar back up and press record again, repeating the line and letting all your thoughts out.

"So many times I fall, I'm falling, I fall apart," you sing. "I'm so concerned with pity things, it drags me farther down. Why do we run from things we're scared of? I see it now it's all so clear. No, there's no turning back from here. Now that we have the world in front of us, we're never turning back. How could we ever not believe?"

It all seems rather silly, but you grow more excited with every word. You lose track of every word you've sung, but good thing you recorded it. Finally, after a minute, you end it, settling on going back to a loving tone,

"How could I ever let this go? I love the thought, what this all could mean. You're the only good thing left in me. Now that I have the world in front of me, I'm never turning back. How could I ever let this go?"

With that you call it a day.

Three months later, Shawn comes back, way too excited to see you. He arrives at the tower, meeting you in the common room where everyone, Chrissy included, is hanging out. He steps out of the elevator, quick to pull you into his arms and press his lips to yours in a sweet yet passionate kiss. When the two of you pull away, you grab his hand, pulling him towards the hall without acknowledging anyone.

Back in your room, you show Shawn your semi completed album. He listens to it, a large smile placed on his lips.

"So?"

He pauses as he pulls you into his arms. "It's amazing, just like you."

You smile, pulling him in for a kiss. He smiles into the kiss, pulling away to mumble a simple question. "Be my girlfriend?"

An excited squeal escapes your lips as you eagerly nod. Loving every second of this moment. You're excited. For your future, in music and with Shawn. Hopefully, a reconciliation will be in your future as Well, but for now, you're okay with where you are and you believe everything will fall firmly into place.

Send in feedback, requests, or asks, plz and thank you!!

#Avengers x stark! reader #stark! reader #stark! daughter #Avengers imagine #shawn Mendes #shawn Mendes x stark! reader #shawn Mendes x stark! daughter #shawn mendes x reader #Tony stark #Mand imagine

116 notes · View notes

mannien · 4 years

Text

“You’re Shaking”

Pairing: Tom Holland x Millie Beaver (my own fictional character)

Summary: When Millie is supposed to be strong and emotionally ready to celebrate her sister’s wedding, the best friend arrives to the rescue.

Word Count: 5.6K

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, friends to lovers tropes, weddings

Author’s Note: HEY! HI! I’m new at this! This is my attempt at the writing challenge made by the lovely @cunaeparker! I would post it on the deadline on the 30th, but it’s my birthday as well, so I’ll be probably busy eating chocolate then. Also, it’s a part of the fic that I’m currently writing, hence the specific characters here. If you have any questions about the plot, just ask!

When I first heard that my oldest sister was getting married, I knew I wanted to be a part of this. She may have not known that, but it’s been a very emotional ride for me, personally. Seeing her life roll out a red carpet in front of her, leading straight to the world of eternal love and happiness, it made me realize a lot of things about myself, too.

First and foremost, it showed me what love should look like. Liz and David were the definition of true love for me, and I could not thank them enough for unknowingly telling me this. But months of preparation, more frequent family dinners, and a bunch of personal issues later, the reality hurt like a motherfucker. Since their eye-opening engagement, I’d been struggling with my own relationship and my own happiness.

It’s not that I didn’t like my boyfriend Frank. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t have spent over 2 years together. He was kind, a little less thoughtful than I would like but still a decent amount, very handsome, and a tiny bit more intelligent than me in our common areas of expertise. In addition to it all, he was able to handle me, a very messy head, so there was really no reason for me not to be with him any longer.

Except, there actually was.

I never mean to point fingers either, because I don’t blame people for my feelings. But a number of conversations with my best friend also showed me that there are people caring more about me than Frank; people who are willing to sacrifice more and who pay a lot more attention to the details that make me, well, me. Although, perhaps I shouldn’t compare those two relationships; the guy who got to make out with me has known me since we took the same advanced journalism class at the university. But the one who actually knows the size of my shoe and what allergies I used to have, he’s known me forever. Of course, we had our better or worse times; months when I would be too busy writing essays to talk to him, and he would be lost in filming another blockbuster movie. But at the end of the day, he was like a brother to me. He took care of me. However, most importantly, he knew I was unhappy with Frank and he pointed it out to me a couple of times.

My sister’s happiness and my best friend’s care worked, though. They made me face the reality. They hit me in the face with it so hard that I’ve been feeling like shit for the past month. It’s been exactly a month since me and Frank broke up. To top it off, precisely two hours before the ceremony, at this gorgeous castle in the middle of nowhere in Scotland, my memory played me and told me: “Hey, Millie! It would’ve been your and Frank’s 3-year anniversary!”

This unbearable stream of thoughts hit me when I was watching Liz smile to the mirror at her glorious hairdo. It wasn’t too complicated, her hair was only curled and pinned up in a few right places, but her beaming expression was something to die for. She was ecstatic to marry the love of her life and I couldn’t blame her; it was her day, she was beautiful, and her fiancée was the nicest and most trustworthy man in the world. My torn apart heart envied her, but my face squeezed out the tiniest smile. She was happy, and nothing else was important.

“Come on Millie, let’s give her a breather.” Our middle sister pulled me out of trance. She already had her face full of a glittery, smoky makeup. Leaving Liz’s room meant we will see each other again during the ceremony, and that I needed to get my shit together.

We walked down the dark hall to where our rooms were, just a few doors apart. Our whole way from Liz’s she was on her phone and I stayed silent, patiently listening to her fingernails tapping against the screen, while I did all I could to hold back the disgustingly growing need to throw up from stress.

“Sam, could you stop for a minute?” She looked up at me, right when she was about to open the door to her room.

“What’s up?” She asked, her eyebrows narrowed in concern. I opened my mouth to say something, but I wasn’t even sure what would I allow myself to say. Should I say I’m nervous? Should I start rambling about how my heart is still aching, especially so because of the wedding? How I was supposed to have a peaceful relationship and an obvious choice of date for my sister’s big day but instead, I had to realize that I simply wasted 3 years of my life and emotional devotion?

“Do you…” I started, but nothing came out. I had to swallow down the terrible taste in my mouth. “…how do you turn off your emotions for an event like this?”

“Oh, sweetie…” She no longer had her pretty London accent. A few years in California made her tongue roll differently on each word, and I could barely feel the warmth of her voice. “I’m so sorry you have to go through this, especially now.” He hugged me, but not with all she had in her, because we both respected the effort put into her face. It saddened me, but that was the reality.

“I’m sorry, too.” I whispered.

“Hold on tight, okay? It’s gonna be alright. You’re a fierce one, Mills.”

“I wish I was.” I pity-laughed at myself, but soon regretted that. Sam’s hand slapped my arm quite harshly.

“Hey! Stop that right now. Go on, put that fancy dress you’ve got, make your eyes and lips pop, we’re the Beaver girls, right? Now chop-chop, move your arse.” She pushed me in the direction of my room with a grin. I tried to mirror her expression just for the sake of her attempt to be British again. To be homey, again.

When I was trying my hardest not to lose it emotionally, I focused on practical tasks. I mastered my makeup and sprayed myself with that setting spray the world was screaming about. My hair was a little unruly and I needed an extra bobby pin, if I wanted it to stay up and show off my dress. The self-conscious me didn’t want to, but Liz would want me to. And today was about Liz, so I fought with that high, slightly messy bun until my arms went numb.

My dress was the trickiest part. It required me to tie three bows and zip my whole back up to the neck. Maneuvering all that without messing up anything else in my appearance didn’t sound promising, and being harsh with the material wouldn’t work either. The dress was a work of art to me, so when me and Liz both looked at it one evening, she told me straight away she will ditch the sister dress code. She didn’t make us wear all similar colors, but rather encouraged me to pull the most ‘Millie Beaver’ look I was capable of. So, I ended up with a black tulle uneven material ending somewhere above my knees, going up to the waist in the tiniest folds in an A-line skirt. The see-through, sheer fabric was covered with draped embellishments made out of the tiniest sequins. They made a sort of brush-paint effect that covered my body from my bottom just above the round of my breasts. The neck and loose sleeves made of the thinnest black mesh which barely changed the color of my skin, ended with intense black stripes ready to be turned into the prettiest of bows. I don’t know if it complimented my body, but it definitely made me feel like the prettiest version of myself.

As I was getting into the long sleeves and pulling the body above my boobs, I loud knocking noise interrupted my focus. Intuitively, I looked at the time and exhaled a calming breath, knowing I still have some time and I’m not running late. I held the top of my dress with my right hand, not wanting it to slid down when I open the door.

Tom looked ready to knock again. His fist hovered in the air for a second, until he raised his eyes and noticed me. He smiled down at me with the warmest facial expression I was given today by anyone, or so did I think. I couldn’t help but give him a one good look over. He was dressed up in a very deep navy-blue suit; the kind of navy blue that makes each man look a hundred times more attractive. The way it clung nicely to his broad shoulders told me it was tailor made from a thick and rich material. His crispy white shirt had a few buttons unmade, so it didn’t hug his neck but rather made his throat more exposed in a way that I always tried to avoid. The smile reached his eyes and woke up the wrinkles around them, making his face look even prettier than before. His short brown locks were tucked away nicely with the tiniest amount of hair gel, and I knew right away he had done it on purpose; I’d used to make fun of the shiny look he so often went for at public events.

I could swear that all these details about his appearance my mind grasped within seconds. He didn’t make a funny comment about it, he just greeted me sweetly and nodded at me.

“Hey, Mills.”

“Hey!” I tried to return his smile in a way that would tell him how happy I was to see him. Or maybe how relieved? “Come in, just… avoid the preparation mess.” I laughed and let him in. I closed the door and unintentionally glanced at the way the suit nicely covered his muscular back and bottom. “Look at you, movie star!” I tried to whistle, but I failed and just blew into the air with a little swish to it. He turned to me with a raised brow and laughed at my poor attempt to be sassy.

“I called you, I didn’t know if you were busy right now and I didn’t want to interrupt if you were with Liz.”

“Oh, sorry,” I mumbled quickly, getting close to the phone that was peacefully left alone on the nightstand and charging. “I’m not feeling good, so I just wanted to get ready and face the world after.”

“What’s wrong?” His face scrunched up in concern.

“Just, you know…” My lips formed a tight smile. I shrugged and as it made the shoulders of my dress slide down my arms a little, I remembered that I still had to fix it and put on properly. I hugged the material tight to my chest and fought the terrible urge to bite my lips. “… a bit stressed out.” I mumbled, not willing to go into detail and break down. My mind worked really hard to change the subject as quick as possible, just because he knew I was overreacting and he would want me to be honest. It was a self-destructive behavior, really, but I couldn’t help it when the vomit was trying to make its way up my throat once again. I glanced at him fidgeting with his hands and only then noticed that he was holding two ties in his left hand. He opened his mouth to say something, but I didn’t let him. “So, spill the deal Thomas. You’ve never told me who’s your plus one?”

He watched me carefully, as if he already knew what I was up to. I hated this about him, but he played well. A knowing smile spread across his lips as he held up the ties.

“That’s actually one of the things I wanted to discuss with you. The last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable tonight, so I wanted your help with these.” He held both accessories in separate hands and put them close to his chest, comparing the way they looked with his suit.

“You can’t choose your tie?” I asked with a chuckle, while pulling the dress completely over my shoulders and hoping it would stay in place, although unzipped and untied. “What happened to your fashion sense?”

“Well, the fashion sense is still here, I mean…” He started cheekily, giving me a slow pirouette to show off of his outfit. “…it looks pretty good if I’m honest.” He laughed. “But no, I wanted to ask you because first of all, you know better,” the pure confidence in his voice made us both chuckle happily again. “and second of all, this option is for me going solo,” his hand holding a striped tie in different shades of blue moved to the middle. “and this one matches your dress, so that I could be your plus one.” He held up closer the burgundy one, with tiny golden embroidered elements. It was almost the exact shade that my dress had bursting out the most from the waist. We would match in a very delicate way, not overwhelming others with the similarity, but rather stating that we probably knew what we were doing.

My heart was rapidly beating, making my insides warm up from this single gesture that he offered. I felt tears well up in my eyes. He knew I was hurting during my relationship, he saw me hurt when I fought for what I had with Frank, as well as he saw me in pain when we called it quits a month ago. My lower lip quivered, not sure if it wanted to let out a tiny sob, or spread wide in a smile. I felt confused emotionally, but the simplicity of Tom’s thought spread a fuzzy feeling across my body.

I moved closer to him, forgetting about the lipstick and biting my lower lip. I took the dark red tie from him and straightened it up, before pulling it over his neck with a small smile. I started the first two moves that I had known from TV, but then absentmindedly started to play with the fabric, trying to look professional.

“Do you even know how to do it?” He tried not to laugh too much at me, so his stifled joy ended up in a sucked in smile.

“YouTube knows.” I smiled up at him. His eyes glistened in a joyful expression as he breathed out a giggle. He took out his phone from the jacket pocket and quickly searched for an easy tutorial for me.

“Go on.” He encouraged me and held his phone up, so that I could see the instructions. I focused on the task and felt the nerves creeping away. My hands slowly relaxed and in swift motions I finished up a loose knot. He noticed my progress and threw his phone on my bed. His gaze was fixated on me; I could feel his brown eyes watching me carefully.

“Can I finish this off?” I asked very quietly, not sparing a look at his face. My fingers hovered over the undone top buttons of his shirt and only when he didn’t reply, I looked up. He was already watching me with an expression I rarely saw on him. He was eyeing my face so closely and delicately, almost as if he tried to memorize that moment. He gently nodded his head and did so while locking our eyes. I swallowed heavily, trying to push away the nauseous feeling that crept back in as a nervous reaction. Very carefully I started working on the little buttons. Then I put his collar up to fit in the tie and gently pushed up the knot, focusing on not wrinkling anything. Then I smoothed out his shirt and smiled proudly to myself.

“Well done!” He chuckled at my childish pride and touched up the knot himself.

“Thank you for doing this.” I whispered, tapping lightly at his chest. I smiled up at him, feeling the tears threatening to escape again. I moved away from him; I didn’t want to become a mess shortly before such big and happy family event.

I started walking towards the bathroom and attempted to zip up my dress at the same time. Soon enough it turned into desperate fumbling with the material at the beginning of the zipper, because it sucked in a tiny piece of fabric. I couldn’t imagine taking it all off and then putting on again after a fight with the zip, my perfectly imperfect bun wouldn’t handle it well.

“Hey, could you give me a hand here?” I turned to him, as he was putting his phone back in the pocket. We used to see each other in many innocent, yet body revealing situations. Hence, we were usually comfortable with one another so that sleeping in the same bed only in our underwear was okay. We made fun of each other’s bodies and somehow, we knew them probably also for the sake of memories from our shared early childhood.

But it felt different this time. The fact that I was so emotionally exposed to him today was possibly one of the reasons why I felt nervous. I knew we were best friends, he was a brother I never had, but suddenly it felt intimate. I was conscious about the fact that I had no bra on, and although I made sure I wasn’t flashing him anything, he had to reach to my lower back to fix the zipper and then slide it across my bare skin.

“Please be gentle with it.” I added. His knuckles softly pushed against me, when he tried to slowly pull the zipper up.

“Exactly how gentle are we speaking?” He chuckled. Then he put one hand on my hip and led me slightly backwards, so that he could sit on my bed.

“Gentle as in I spent all my savings on the only dress I have for my sister’s wedding.” I turned a little to him, trying to steal a glance at what he’s doing. “It’s okay if you can’t do it, I’ll have to try…”

“Shut up, I’ve got it.” He shushed me and pushed me slightly forward again. I felt him stand up and take a light grip at the zipper, before gently pulling it up my spine. “Straighten up.” I stretched out my back as he asked, or maybe even a little too much. My hips moved backwards and made my butt hit his front. It made me feel nauseous again; I was definitely not ready for a wave of seemingly irrational feelings. It was just Tom, and yet I was scared of accidentally touching his crotch with my ass. “Alright, all pretty here.” He smoothed out the material on both my shoulders and I could feel him hesitate for a moment, before he let go of me completely.

“Thanks.” I smiled shyly at him and made my way to the mirror, before he could say I was nervous. I started working on the bow on my neckline.

“Oh, so you’re tying them all up?”

“Yeah, that’s how it’s supposed to look. So you better watch carefully, cause I can’t do the other two as pretty as this one.”

“Man, I thought I only came here to decide on a tie.” He moaned mockingly. I could see him in the mirror, he came up to stand next to me and watch my fingers in action.

“You’re free to go, I can always ask my mom to do it for me.” I shrugged, straightening up the loose ends of the bow.

“And leave my date for the night? No, thank you.” He winked at me cheekily, and I laughed at him. I pulled out my tongue at him and scrunched up my nose. “Don’t do it, your face will stay like this forever.”

“Wouldn’t you like that? At least you could laugh at me, if my jokes aren’t funny to you.” I challenged him, raising an eyebrow.

“Nah, at least one of us has to stay pretty.”

“I thought you said you were pretty?”

“The word is CUTE.” He emphasized. “And there are people who agree on this.” He added. I reached out with my hand to him, so he could try and make an even bow.

“Your granny?” And there it was. Making fun of him as a coping mechanism, whenever I was noticing the upside of his appearance and thinking about it longer than necessary.

“She’s my number one fan, so she counts.” I pointed at the longer end of the knot, so he started fixing it to make it even with the other.

“I thought she was Paddy’s number one fan. Or Sam’s for his abnormal cooking skills.” He smiled soundly at this. “But hey, don’t worry. Your best friend is your fan.”

“You mean Harrison? Yeah, he’s okay. But he’s got history of being more of an assistant, you know?” Tom snorted out a loud laugh at his word and I couldn’t stay silent at that.

“I thought you had another best friend?” He pretended to be deep in thought. I briefly checked on the ready bows and straightened up my sleeves.

“Can’t think of anyone else. Care to share?” He playfully scratched his chin like an old aristocrat. I moved around him to start gathering my things, keeping in mind that I should touch up my lipstick.

“For all I know, you’ve had one super fan ever since you met her as a wee nicked kid.”

“Wow, I must’ve had a very peculiar taste in choosing my best friends.” He laughed, and I only sent him a sideway smile. Although I was the one to encourage our fun exchange, I wasn’t sure if it made me feel comfortable. I wasn’t doubting his friendship, but sometimes I would get this nagging thought starting with ‘what if….’ I didn’t know how I felt anymore, and the sole fact that I was packing my small handbag to my sister’s wedding was near to give me a serious panic attack.

I sat down on a little chair next to the window and started doing up my deep red, velvet lace up pumps with four cross-straps that ended in tiny golden buttons. These were also way out of my every-day comfort zone, but figured as the prettiest pair of shoes I owned. Plus, they went well probably only with this dress. I actually had to spend a couple of days walking around the house in them, just so I could remember if I could walk in high heels.

I stood up, slowly moving around my feet to adjust the fit, and that’s when my mind became a complete mayhem.

“You look so foxy. You should wear heels to work, I bet they would take your ideas seriously in these.” Frank’s words kept on replaying in my head and I was ready to rip those shoes apart. I felt a terrible scrunch in my tummy and I couldn’t hold it anymore. As quickly as I could without tripping over, I made my way to the bathroom and knelt next to the open toilet, ready to empty my stomach any second. A loud sob escaped my lips when nothing would come out and I had to live through the worst wave of nausea. I started ugly-crying, letting go of every inch of calm that tried to keep my nerves under control. I leaned with my elbows on the toilet seat and just held myself there.

“Minnie, are you okay?” I felt Tom squat beside me, his hand gently laid on my back and started rubbing it in soothing circles. I just shook my head and kept on crying, unable to even talk to him. I tried taking deep breaths to calm my body down, but another loose thought about my ex-boyfriend clouded my head and I leaned over the toilet again, hoping this could end already in one way or another. Tom’s free hand went to the bow that started hanging in a risky zone and tucked it close to my chest. His other one went up, massaging slightly my neck to help me relax. “I will breathe with you, okay? It might get better if you follow.” He said in a hushed, yet stern voice. “Come on, one large in,” he inhaled loudly and I tried to mimic him. “now hold it for a second for me, let your body relax,” except that I couldn’t, and my face scrunched in misery. “It’s okay, try again Mills. It’s just a panic attack, you can get through this. Come on, breathe.”

He guided me through a few more deep cycles until my crying stopped. Somewhere during the second inhale I was breaking again, so he rested his forehead on the side of my head, right above my ear, where I could feel his breath on my skin and focus solely on it.

“That’s my girl. You’re safe with me, okay? I promise.” I only nodded rapidly. He slowly moved away to kiss my head in a protective gesture, as he used to whenever he was being affectionate with me.

“Fuck, I’m such a mess!” I groaned in frustration, still feeling the heavy beating of my heart. I sat down on the floor, trying to untangle my feet from under me and rest them somewhat comfortably, even if it meant resting my legs in the most revealing pose. I rested my back on the side of the bath and hid my face in my hands. I squeezed out a few more tears, until I felt a gentle tug on both my wrists.

“Look at me,” Tom asked sternly. He massaged my wrists and patiently waited for me to lift up my eyes to his concentrated gaze. “You’re a mess only if you let yourself feel like one. And I’m not here to see you miserable.”

“Easy for you to say! My sister’s about to get hitched and I keep on thinking about how… how I used to hope, that this would be me and Frank one day because my mind is so fucked up and… and I allowed him to treat my feelings like shit! Just because I wanted someone to fucking love me and want to have a life with me and be my fucking lover!” I let out loudly with a broken sob mid-sentence.

“For fuck’s sake, stop hurting yourself!” He raised his voice and I could feel my heart drop. “I understand it fucking hurts. And I’m so, so sorry, I know you were deeply invested in your relationship with Frank, I get it. But please, for just one moment, try to imagine how would it be if you stopped dwelling on this shit!” He took a frustrated breath and tried to remain composed. He stood up and leaned back on the sink with crossed arms. He closed his eyes, but then started watching me carefully, as if to see if I was going to snap again.

I just sat there motionlessly, too shocked to react in any way. My brain was tired from the panic attack, my body ached from the nerves, and my tongue got cut off by shame. I closed my eyes and tried to rethink my current situation, sort out my feelings. There was a part of me that wanted to reach out to hope, to reason, and to the right place in my heart. Right when I was imagining the right place for my heart, my eyes snapped open to check if Tom was still standing there. He was, eyes glued to me, posture flexed and ready to react. But his face so soft I wanted to burst out in tears again. He was this soft for me.

I reached out to him with my hands and he pulled me up from the floor.

“Exactly how many times should I fucking remind you that you’re better than this, that you actually are lovable, and that there are people who care about you more than that asshole, the one who actually called himself your boyfriend for three years but didn’t deserve it at all?” He asked gently, stepping closer to me. He swiped his thumb underneath my eye, where probably a mascara disaster was happening. Tom gave me a broken smile and it was that smile – the one that made my heart grow and get warm. And suddenly I got goosebumps across my whole body because he was the one to make my mind shut up. All that was left was pure admiration for his care, for his tender smile and for his sparkling brown eyes. This revelation made me feel incredibly exposed to him and almost made me feel shy.

“Could you tell me that one more time?” I replied quietly, still feeling the touch of his hand on my cheek. Curiosity led my voice and made me swallow hard. He smirked at me in a way that I knew made girls swoon over him. However, this time was different and I was the one over the moon.

“Millie, you are incredibly lovable and I fucking care about you. You can get through this and you will, just get your shit together.” He chuckled at the end and I mirrored his reaction, but still heard the first two most important phrases ring through my head. “You are too gorgeous to be still thinking about someone who didn’t make you happy, alright?”

“You promise?”

“Do I promise?” He asked dumbfoundedly and turned us both around, so that we were standing in front of a tall mirror. “Look at yourself, you’re a doll,” He wrapped his arm around my waist when he said that. It felt really warm and right. “you’re perfect in every inch, you look exquisite, hell I’m gonna say it…” he started before cracking a soft, almost nervous laugh. It was obvious he tried to stay composed and professional, but he broke. “you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, that’s it. End of this discussion. Now fix your pretty face, get your fancy bag, and we’ll go see your sister at her happiest.”

I did as he asked but with the amount of warm words that kept replaying in my head, the fifteen minutes that it took me to freshen up felt like a mere second. I felt as if my body was just existing and my soul was floating beside me, intently watching my and Tom’s every move. My floating side kept pushing me into his side, knowing that it will be the best way to stay safe and content. Tom always was a gentleman, his parents raised him well. However, this time when we walked down the corridor to the stairs, and then to the foyer where some guests gathered before entering the main hall where the wedding was supposed to take place, I couldn’t stop thinking about these little gestures. Carefully keeping his hand on my lower back whenever we were turning or passing someone. Smiling down at me whenever I stole a glance at him. Letting me go everywhere first, but not before smoothly checking if there was anything I would possibly trip over. Staying by my side all the time and making sure I was okay. Of course, he was now my date to the wedding. But if any of his brothers were at his place, it wouldn’t be the same.

We were approaching more crowded groups of people and I slowed down. I started feeling incredibly self-conscious and uneasy, especially with the looks that people I knew gave me. Most probably, they looked because I was the bride’s sister, I was finally wearing heels, I had the most makeup since last Christmas, and Tom was side by side with me. Although I doubted it stunned our families that we could be seen together, there were a lot of Liz and Dave’s friends whom we didn’t know, or just old aunties who loved a good gossip. I became fully aware of all of the eyes pointed at us and I felt my insides tremble dangerously. I stopped abruptly and tried to mask my nervousness by fake-fixing my dress. Tom looked back at and raised his funky eyebrow at me, silently asking what’s up. He stepped closer to me and blocked the view of the most intense stares. I stared down at the bows at my sleeves and started anxiously rearranging the strings. I exhaled with an audible shake to my breath and closed my eyes. We stood face to face and I could feel him watching my movements.

“You’re shaking” He whispered, bringing his mouth to the side of my head. Then I felt his fingertips gently touch my hand, before he slowly slid his fingers through mine. Our hands molded together and it calmed me in a way I didn’t know was possible.

“I’m nervous.” I mumbled, so that only he could hear. He left a sweet kiss on my cheek and winked at me.

“No shit, Sherlock.” I let out a nervous laugh and he seemed pleased with my reaction. “Come on, head up, you’re gonna walk in hand in hand with Peter Parker.” He slowly maneuvered the hand he was holding so that I could easily take his arm in an elegant way

“I would rather walk in with Tom Holland.”

“You’re lucky he’s friends with Parker. You can have both.”

Tagging some of the people who I wish would read this bc I love their blogs even though not all of you probably love Tom but I LOVE YOU

@lauras-collection @peeterparkr @thirsttrapholland @fondlynarry @niallandtommo @heyhihellowhatsup0 @constellationsv @angel-spidey @starkissedholland

#saws300followerwc #writing challenge #tom holland #Tom Holland fluff #Tom Holland blurb #Tom Holland fanfiction #prompt challenge #my writing #millie and tommy #millie and tom #my fic #tom holland blurb #tom holland fluff

58 notes · View notes

estdevium · 4 years

Text

[ ⤜ meta topics !! *:･ﾟ✧ ]

they deleted ╱ meta: childhood

the main issue with answering this ask is that to get into my thoughts on dean’s childhood revolves around a lot of topics people don’t want to see on their feeds. because the fact of the matter is, genuinely, dean did not have a childhood & what he experienced during his formative years absolutely left traumas you see in his character throughout the course of the show ( some which seem to get better with some help & some of which never go addressed, even more so some of which are still leaving unmitigated severe repercussions on who he is as a person ). now some of this is direct canon & others is based on conjecture from things dean has alluded to in canon, so I will explain to the best of my abilities; I could talk on this topic for ages & never actually reach a point where I feel as if I properly explained it all please bear with me ( pretty sure this was just supposed to be a throwaway topic I’m sorry for the fact it turned into a monster answer lmao ).

trigger warnings for talk about death / trauma, child abuse, prostitution, & self harm ( starvation, etc ). also warnings for mentions of weapons ( guns ), fire, alcohol, ableism & a multitude of illegal activities ( stealing, fraud, etc ). please do not read this if you are not going to take note of the warnings I tried to make sure I got even the little things.

for starters anyone who knows the basics of the show knows this much: dean, his father ( john ) & his younger brother ( sam ) became hunters due to the death of his mother ( mary ) when dean was four years old ( sam, at the time, was four months ). this is not only the driving force behind the “why” of the series but is also a pivotal moment in what was to become dean's life.

dean saw his mother burning alive in his brother’s room. he saw it. this isn’t a debate & he was four years old as his home burned & his father goes off the rails & he’s holding his younger brother & now home is the back of his father’s car as they travel from motel to motel & john is finding out about all the monsters out there & he's learning to be a hunter ( putting his training from the marines as a vietnam war vet to use ) while chasing down the thing that killed his wife. this means leaving his sons alone in motel rooms across the country ( because most other hunters are also not fully right & john doesn't trust people ). dean, a child himself, is now no longer such. he is now a mother & a father to his younger brother ( learning to cook & clean & change diapers & keep a child entertained ) while also being a tool for his father ( intense training from the moment john learned about monsters to also be a hunter, to protect his brother always first & foremost. “daddy’s little soldier” ). it is impossible to talk about his childhood without acknowledging these two things, specifically, & where they originate: sam will always come first & to john, dean was a means to an end before he was a son.

mary —

as stated above it's kind of incredibly important to take into consideration the effect mary's death had on dean as a whole. for starters we know that dean, when experiencing severe trauma, falls back on selective mutism ( as a recurring theme ) & that he is often ( forced ) to push past it for those around him ( john would not tolerate such behavior & sam needed dean to “function” in order to survive ). the phrase “broken” comes up a lot in regards to dean, both in what he has done & what people need from him. we never experience a moment where people are tolerant of the ways dean closes in on himself & deals with traumas ( often he is berated for coping methods whether they are good or bad, which leads to the real belief dean forces himself through not talking because his father made sure dean understood it was behavior he would not stand for ). this in & of itself is enough to push the understanding that mary's memory is also a drive for dean, but in a different sense then it was for john. we know that dean had told himself numerous times “she would be proud of me” or “I am making her proud” / etc in order to work through the horrible situations he was put in growing up ( which has its own horrifying conclusion that is irrelevant to this meta so I digress ) — she was often the memory that got him through. john was a furious force of nature working under the drive of “avenge mary” “find her killer” & so on enough to not only neglect his sons but also ban the topic of her from their “home” ( if you can call the backseat of the impala & motel rooms “home” ). dean was not allowed to speak of her around their father, but sam’s memories of his mother all come from what his brother told him & we know dean fought with himself constantly to “properly” remember her ( but god, bit by bit he lost her ) in the process. which of course leads into the second part of this all —

john —

the easiest way to depict the vast difference in john as a father & john as the man dean grew up following is the fact it's not “dad” to john’s face, it’s “sir” — many people have talked at length ( both in canon & real people online ) about dean's relationship with his father. the general consensus seems to be “john did his best” in a crappy situation because he loves his sons & that “dean knows that” with no one ever touching on “dean was a child who experienced severe trauma at a young age” which resulted in him latching onto the only parent he had left when that same person, at the same moment, stopped choosing to be a parent. instead of his father treating dean like the child he was, john needed someone to “step up & back him up” & dean was a ( tragically ) convenient presence to fulfill that need; both the fact sam needed watching & john needed a “second” he could trust. I am by no means saying john didn't love his sons — I fully believe he did — but that doesn't excuse the actions he took “raising” them ( & i say that lightly because john did barely any raising it was mostly conditioning, dean raised himself & his brother alone ). it is not a healthy or solid foundation for a relationship.

john was the equivalent of a drill sergeant dean's whole life who never thought dean met his standards ( as shown from the multiple instances we see of john berating a young dean to be better be faster be smarter “you would have gotten your brother killed” “always listen to me” ). from the moment john became aware of all that goes bump in the night so, too, did dean. I cannot reiterate this enough: dean was a child & his father raised him as a soldier to fight monsters & never, never question his commands — I would argue it is a form of non purposeful brainwashing but that’s a larger argument for later. this training, though, isn't just physical weapons ( dean has scarily accurate marksmanship & is incredibly proficient with a blade, ignoring skills in hand to hand combat ) but also in illegal activities such as credit card fraud, hustling pool, & the like. dean is good at faking it because that's what was required of him & he has it ingrained to appear the way his father demanded. & that doesn't even touch on the other issues including ( known ) child abuse ( punishment when dean didn't meet his fathers standards or messed up in the many ways a child will mess up, especially with all this ) to round out deans ( trauma based ) idolization of his father. the same father who, once, left dean in a boys home with the phrase “I’m not coming for him, he can rot there” ( what it's like to be a teenager whose father threw you away for following orders, caught stealing to feed his brother ).

while dean certainly understands the issues with his father ( & is shown, occasionally, to speak about them to himself & acknowledge john was a shitty parent who put him in a bad position all his life ) that doesn’t change the mentality dean grew up with due to his father’s treatment, which circles back to the third point —

sam —

sam will, no matter what, always be dean’s first priority. the lengths dean has gone to to always put sam before anything else are massive & hard to place into the word limit. this is in part based on the responsibilities john placed on dean his whole life — it is always “take care of sam” ( never has it ever been expected that dean is to take care of himself, because in this he is unimportant ). the way deans young mind latched onto that, then the ways john punished him when he did not follow that, made sure even into his old age dean kept true to the statement “take care of sam” ( because sam is, again, what is important ).

now dean was a child taking care of and raising a child ( beyond himself ). there are things a child needs: food, shelter, clothing, etc. these things require money, which is not something a child has abundant amounts of to throw around & fulfill these needs. john used to leave them in motel rooms with not enough money to last because he would be gone longer than expected ( just one example of how resourceful dean can be from how far he learned to stretch that money ). we know from this that dean has ( often ) chosen to starve himself so that sam has something to eat, unable to afford food for them both past what john left for them. we also know when the money would run out he would find other ways in which to get more ( for things like the motel room, school, ect ) by ( as alluded to ) prostituting himself, lying about his age to get into bars ( to hustle pool mostly though we also know he can play a number of card games ), & just generally stealing. it was stealing food, specifically, that has gotten him caught in the past ( & reprimanded by john when john found out ); all of which is on top of, should john come home early while dean was out finding food or money, he would be reprimanded for leaving sam alone. every failure in raising sam was punishable.

but dean also worked to make sure sam had options. he made sure sam spent as many years growing up “normal” as possible ( hiding the monsters & the hunting until sam learned the truth from poking around ), going on field trips & making friends ( going to school with the right supplies, doing his homework, etc ). all of these are things dean, himself, is not allowed to have & never seeks out for himself ( as he sees it as “selfish” since it would take away from sam ). starting to get the picture ? it is in part why sam leaving for college both hit as hard as it did ( “sam no longer needs me the same way I need him” since sam is, often, the driving force behind dean’s push to keep going ) & proud ( “sam will have opportunities” & that's what dean has always wanted for him, as essentially sam real parental figure ). only now sam is gone & john doesn’t need dean anymore, now does he ?

while not entirely related here we know this mentality is also why dean was willing to sell his soul in exchange for sam's life.

other —

something about the fact dean was never put first by either of them both, lived with the expectation he did things because they are used to him doing those things ( john expected them & sam never knew better, dean was good at hiding who he was / is ), is important to note. we know his childhood has left him with rather severe self worth issues. he does not think himself intelligent ( even though we know he is which I will not get into here, but between his father & co. calling him a grunt & the teachers in school writing him off + dean dropping out once he could to work to keep sam fed / housed / ect while helping their father did not help fix that perception ). he does not think himself worth peoples time ( everyone is always leaving him behind, so he is clearly only worth what he can offer them in return ). he is also suicidal ( building off previous points ) & will purposefully punish himself for perceived wrongs ( we often see him pick a fight, drink, starve himself, refuse sleep, amongst other more bloody options ).

dean had an absent ( often drunk ) abusive father, a younger brother who thinks he knows best ( &, while I think this is not intentional on sam’s part, he takes a lot of advantage of dean because of this ), no real friends ( he grew up alone without any help outside an occasional visit to bobby's scrap yard or pastor jim’s church; john chased away most people in the hunting community ) because he stopped trying to at school. we know he started sleeping around & drinking before he was of age ( the sex seemingly a coping mechanism over the fact dean is both touch starved & has never really experienced someone loving / caring for him but that’s a meta for another day. the alcohol because it was what everyone around him was doing ie: other hunters ).

here I could talk about how dean doesn’t have people who stay, in his experience. I could talk about how all of this has led to his sense of responsibility & lack of understanding of “love” as a concept. I could go into his codependency on sam ( that is NOT reciprocated in the same sense, because sam will always be dean's kid while dean will always be sam’s caregiver. their relationship is not on even footing but again something for later ). I think what is most important to talk about, in conclusion, is that with everything dean has experienced he learned at a really young age the importance of a lie. because a lie is what keeps cps from taking sam away ( & dean, too, but again he doesn't see himself as anything worth noting ), lying is what kept food in sams belly & a roof over sams head & people off their backs. dean is a disarming smile on a pretty face that he learned to weaponize as a means of survival. none of his childhood is anything he sees as worth noting so, most of the time, everyone around him doesn’t know ( it is not like john treated him as enough to seemingly even understand the weight he placed on dean's shoulders ) because he learned the best ways to hide it. a bruise is dropping a book on his face, a broken arm is tripping down the stairs, his father missing is “for work” ( even if it's the bar down the street ). he is proficient at forging signatures not to make fake ids but to sign report cards. he is light on his feet & has fast reflexes because stealing a loaf of bread is just as important as dodging the swipe of a werewolf. it's a terrible childhood, really ( no wonder he suppresses it ).

#long post //#child abuse //#self harm //#prostitution //#death //#🜃 *.｡ ╱ ❛ headcanons.#meta tag.#answering this ask was like a triple dog dare #& i have 3 more like it still to attempt answers to in my ask box #rip me #i dont rly mind answering them its just the content #m i n e f i e l d #og wasnt going to actually post this cause obvious reasons #but in light of the finale i got annoyed with some comments #this has been sitting around for a while now for me to post lmao #whatever

0 notes

winchestcr · 5 years

Text

(JENSEN ACKLES. HIM. SUPERNATURAL. ) IT LOOKS LIKE DEAN WINCHESTER HAS BEEN TRANSPORTED TO VILLE DES ÂMES. HE IS A FORTY YEAR OLD CANON AND THE AESTHETICS ASSOCIATED WITH HIM ARE 67 CHEVY IMPALA, ANTI POSSESSION SYMBOL, ROCK SALT GUN. HE REMEMBERS ROWENA'S SELF-SACRIFICIAL DEATH

I am really bad at intros so I apologize for this suckage in advance but as far as Dean goes, I mostly write him as close to canon as possible based on my own personal interpretation. Some qualities could be exaggerated based on where I do and don’t relate to him. These are the biggest key points to be aware of when it comes to Dean and how I choose to write him. I also promise I am very OOC friendly and am willing to plot/write with anyone so please please, hit me up!

First and foremost, he is pretty much an asshole to just about everyone unless he trusts you. If you give him a reason to trust you, he shows he has a heart and it’s pretty big but he doesn’t like that being known.

Despite his cocky attitude sometimes, he doesn’t have a very high opinion of himself. One of my favorite quotes to focus on when it comes to his own personal attitude about himself is from Crowley “Nobody hates you more than you do, trust me, I tried.” Hence resulting in him being very self-sacrificing because he finds his life to be expendable compared to the lives of others.

Family means everything to him. He genuinely believes his big purpose in life is to look after and take care of Sam. That is how he bases his self-worth a lot and is extra hard on himself if he fails him. He also had a very close relationship to his father, although complicated because he wanted nothing more to impress his father and make him proud and his dad never made him feel he did. His mother is his hero. Enough said.

He’s a huge flirt. I don’t do well with flirting so this might not come across the best but he will literally hit on every single pretty girl and won’t be opposed to a one night stand either. This also results in him being very anti committal and loves his car more than he’s ever loved anyone else outside of his family.

He loves food A LOT, pie being one of his favorite things. He will often be caught eating I imagine or rocking out to classic rock songs.

He’s the epitome of a hot head quick to a fight and have impulsive tendencies especially when it means his family is at risk for any reason

I am usually not confident enough in my own portrayals for HCs but him being Ben’s biological father is definitely the ultimate one so we are playing that as canon. Lisa told Dean recently and now Ben is the only one that doesn’t know.

While on the topic of biological kids, Jo’s mun and I have decided to keep an old plot where they had an OC child together whom will now be brought in as a NPC (obvs he can’t keep it in his pants)

His memories are completely intact to the best of my ability which means he is pulled right up to 15.04. Whatever I don’t remember, I will reference the wiki for to be as accurate as I possibly can. Bringing him justice is important to me.

Because I can’t help myself, he is going to be an owner of a bar called Rocky’s in downtown Âmes (courtesy of 14.10 :D)

#displace:intro

5 notes · View notes

poorreputation · 5 years

Text

14X12 Meta: Prophet and Loss

Or, Nick is gross but is also an important mirror to... everyone.

Spoilers for 14X12 Prophet and Loss, and episodes prior.

A contribution to @metafest .

Thank you to @verobatto-angelxhunter for inviting me to be a guest this week!

In 14X12,-

-Nick goes back to the home his wife and child were murdered in, searching for something. A sudden chill fills the room, and he turns around, only to face the image of his wife, Sarah. But, he calls out Lucifer instead, convinced that the Archangel has returned to him in the same place they first met. Appalled he could say make this mistake, Sarah recoils, then begs Nick to reject Lucifer; only then can she be free.

Nick turns his back and leaves.

On its own, this scene, and Nick’s entire story-line, is just disturbing. The implication that Nick cares more for Lucifer than his own wife, that he just went on a bloody killing spree to get answers about, is gross. The fact that Buckleming don’t know how to pull off these scenes makes the whole side-plot feel tedious and unnecessarily cruel. But, I would argue that all of Nick’s actions so far have been to be a mirror for just about all the main characters on the show, but in the worst ways possible.

For example, in 7X15: Repo man-

-we meet Jesse, a man formerly possessed by a Demon. Years after being freed, he tries to reunite with said Demon because he enjoyed killing, and felt that a part of him was gone without said Demon, and even went so far to call him the love of his life. When the Demon takes a new meat-suit, though, they reveal Jesse was ready to carry on their dark work on his own. Jesse refuses this, and is killed by Dean shortly after.

Fun fact, 7X15 was written by Ben Edlund, and directed by Thomas J. Wright, the same director for 14X12. Bonus fun fact is that Sam had a series of Lucifer hallucinations during Repo Man. Okay, maybe not-so-fun...

The point of Jesse, wanting to be reunited with this Demon, is that it was one-sided. He was molded into the killer he had the potential to be, and then left in the dust. Fast forward to Nick, who wants to be reunited with Lucifer, and cares more for him than his own wife. Right here, we can already get a glimpse as to where Nick’s story will end.

But, the mirrors don’t stop there.

In 1X09: Home, Sam and Dean return to the house Mary died in, and find out it’s been taken over by a poltergeist. They also find the spirit of Mary, who’s bound to the location by the malevolent spirit. She ends up banishing the poltergeist, freeing herself in the process. Before this, earlier in the episode, Dean tries to get in touch with John, begging for his help on the case. John is revealed to actually be in town with the boys, but purposely avoided them, including missing the chance to see/free his wife.

Fast forward to 14X12, where Nick returns home only to find it is haunted by his dead wife. She is trapped, and is unable to free herself. Nick refuses to let Lucifer go, and abandons her. All of this is similar to John’s actions in Home, but so much darker and twisted.

And in just the previous episode, 14X11, Nick serves as a dark John mirror, hell-bent on finding the Demon responsible for killing his family. What’s important to note though, with the events of 14X12 in mind, is that Nick wants info from Abraxas, first and foremost. The Demon replies by telling Nick he is not a part of some grand plan, he was picked as a vessel because he was just there. I think Nick cared more about finding out why Lucifer picked him, and not why his wife and child were murdered. This is starkly different from John, who still lost himself after Mary’s murder, but never slaughtered innocent people for pleasure or self-gain.

From my own notes/meta for 14X11:

In the same episode Dean brings up a memory of John not handling Mary’s death well, Mary is confronted with a John mirror. (Nick)

(I swear I’m not implying Mary is gonna sock John in the face, this is just the only gif with Mary from this episode I could find. It is quite satisfying though, isn’t it?)

The clearest distinction between the two I can see is this: if given the option to prevent his wife’s death, John would agree in a heartbeat. Nick would hesitate and let things remain as they are, unable to imagine a life without Lucifer.

Now, let me grab my third mirror, and the first one we saw for S14, Sam.

Sam immediately connected with Nick in the premier; both had been possessed by Lucifer, and knew of his mind games and cruelty. Sam was also the one who was the most devastated to hear Nick had gone dark side. He says in 14X11 that Nick could’ve been him. Of course, in this moment, Nick is also serving as a Dean mirror, when Dean reminds Sam that they can’t save everyone, and sometimes you just need to let go of those who are beyond the brink. As he says this, Dean is planning to lock himself in a coffin and be buried at sea, all to prevent Michael from taking control.

This leads me to the unspoken Nick mirror of 14X01, Dean.

We start off the the premier with Dean gone for two weeks, possessed by Michael. We then meet Nick, who managed to survive being stabbed by the Archangel blade. He was clearly still very shaken after being freed, but his surviving Lucifer provided hope that the same might be done for Dean. Obviously not with the blade, as there were no other Archangels around, but that if Nick could come back in one piece mentally, so can Dean. However, if Nick should (and did) prove to be scrambled from his time as a vessel, then that would add a sense of dread to Dean’s own future.

Sam wanting to help Nick is not only Sam needing to believe things will get better for himself, but that Dean can be brought back home.

Another fun fact! 14X01 was also directed by Thomas J. Wright.

The final mirror I have to discuss is none other than Jack Kline.

Jack is told by person after person that his being a Nephilim, and the son of Satan, means he’s destined to be evil. And, yet, over the course of S13, he learns to be good, even in the face of defeat and crushing mistakes. By the S13 finale, he chooses Sam, Dean and Cas over Lucifer and his legacy.

Time and again, Nick is told that becoming Lucifer’s vessel did not mean he was special, though he tried to convince himself otherwise. Nick is also personally touched and entwined with Lucifer, but embraces his darkness. He tells Sam in 14X11 he doesn’t wish to be fixed, and shows no remorse for the people he has hurt. He is the antithesis of Jack in his wants and in his relationship to Lucifer. He is the darkest versions of the Winchesters, whereas Jack is a positive TFW mirror, and represents hope.

Jack is a mirror for Sam, who thought his blood made him bad, but still kept to the path of being good. Jack is a mirror for Dean and Castiel, showing he is more than a tool for his birth father to use. He and Nick are opposites, and yet mirrors for everyone else.

Aaaaaaand I’m exhausted. I’ve been wanting to write up this meta since the previous episode, but I’m glad I waited, because Prophet and Loss gave me so much more to work with.

I’m also very, very, VERY tired. But, this also felt very rewarding. It’s a bit difficult to go back and forth between other people’s posts, and the tagging system doesn’t always notify me, and I had felt a bit of Impostor Syndrome yesterday, or Friday, whatever, but I’m happy with this post, and really happy with this week’s Metafest!

Hopefully I gave some useful or unique insight with this post, and people can find all the extra stuff I undoubtedly missed! Like, seriously, there’s 299 episodes worth of canon to sift through, fucking hell it’s a miracle I remembered the S7 stuff at all.

Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think!

68 notes · View notes

a34trgv2 · 5 years

Text

Why It Worked: Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase 2

Introduction: Picking up were we last left off on Why It Worked, Phase 2 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe expands on this ever expanding franchise with new characters, new stories and new creative visions. This Phase is often regarded as the “hit or miss” period in the MCU, but I’d argue it succeeds so much more than it falters. So without further adieu, let’s get started.

The Plots: Phase 2 comprises mainly of sequels to the Phase 1 movies, and yet they all feel natural and very much stand on their own. Iron Man 3 picks up where The Avengers left off and sees Tony Stark battle with PTSD. All the while, he faces off against a notorious terrorist called the Mandarin (more on him later). Thor: The Dark World finds the Norse god of thunder protecting the 9 Realms from the Dark Elves, who’s sole purpose is to drown the universe in darkness. Captain America: The Winter Solider shows who Steve Rogers adjusts to the modern world as he faces off against the mysterious foe, the Winter Solider. And finally, Avengers: Age of Ultron finds Earth’s Mightiest Heroes face off against an A.I. who’s idea of saving the world is destroying it with a meteor. There are 2 films this Phase that aren’t sequels: Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man. The former opens up the cosmic side of the MCU by introducing a rag tag team of misfits who must ban together to stop an vengeful warlord from reeking havoc upon the galaxy. The latter is a heist movie involving a guy trying to be a good role model to his daughter while also communicating with ants. This films bring in the same amount of charm and humor the first Phase brought and then some. Guardians of the Galaxy in particular had some of the smartest and well timed jokes in the MCU up until that point. Not only that, but there this Phase also brought in life changing events that carried on in future films. Tony’s paranoia caused him to build Ultron, S.H.I.E.L.D. became compromised and ultimately destroyed in Winter Solider and even with that, HYDRA lives on in other parts of the world by Age of Ultron. None of this would’ve at all been possible if it weren’t for the creative talents of Shane Black, Alan Taylor, Joe and Anthony Russo, James Gunn, Joss Whedon (again), and Peyton Reed.

Cast and Characters: Since we’re all familiar with the core Avengers at this point, let’s introduce the new faces starting with Sam Wilson aka Falcon. Sam is Steve Roger’s new friend introduced in Winter Solider. A veteran himself with a smart and charming personality, he and Steve hit it off almost instantly. Plus, Anthony Mackie is just right for the role, making the character funny, smart and tough in his own right. Next up we have the Guardians of the Galaxy, featuring Peter Jason Quill, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Raccon and Groot. Peter starts off as a Han Solo-type of character, but throughout the film we find his full of layers. He’s got charm, humor, heart, anger, cockiness, he’s basically the every man in this wacky side of the galaxy. All brought to life flawlessly by Chris Pratt. Gamora is a headstrong and dangerous woman who plays against the love interest trope in this film as she has great resentment for her father Thanos and sister Nebula. It also helps that she’s played brilliantly by Zoe Saldana, who brings the right amount of humor and fierce veracity to the character. Drax is meant to be this stoic tragic figure who seeks to avenge his fallen family. And yet his lack of understanding metaphors and Dave Bautista’s performance make him one of the funniest characters in this franchise. Then we have Rocket and Groot, a raccoon and a tree man who became household names over night. Rocket is a fowl mouth, sarcastic and crude rodent with a good heart under that ruff exterior. Groot meanwhile is wears his heart on his bark, having such a calm and gentle demeanor, while also not being afraid to be the muscle Rocket needs. Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel bring these characters to life through their commitment and strife; I couldn’t have picked anyone better. Moving on from the Guardians, we have Scott Lang, the thief with a heart of gold who’s trying to be a good role model for his daughter, Cassie. It goes without saying that Scott’s funny (being played by comedic actor Paul Rudd and all), but he’s also very smart and caring for those around him. His skills in robbery and breaking and entering make him perfectly capable of dawning the Ant-Man costume, at least in the eyes of Hank Pym. Speaking of which, the original Ant-Man from the comics is now a wise, crusty old man with a good heart. Michael Douglas gives an excellent performance as this character, making it believable that he was at one time a superhero and is now passing the torch to a younger suitor. Hank’s daughter, Hope is a smart, stern and strong woman who at first resents her father for pushing her away after her Mom went MIA. After learning the truth, she comes to respect him and Scott a little more. Evangeline Lilly is perfect as Hope, delivering the right amount of humor and heart to. These new characters are just as memorable and as well fleshed out as the ones we’ve come to know and love at this point. And that’s not even mentioning Yondu, Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, Vision, Harley Keener, Luis, Dave and Kurt, and Cassie.

The Big Baddies: I’ll just say this upfront: The Mandarin twist wasn’t bad. Unexpected, yes, but for the story Shane Black was trying to tell, it works wonders. I get fans wanted what we were advertised, but I think what we got works better. Iron Man 3 was a personal story first and foremost, so having him face of against an evil space wizard, while it would’ve been cool, it wouldn’t have fit with the overall narrative. Besides, Sir Ben Kingsley gave an excellent performance, being a menacing threat and a comedic fool all in one. Then we get Malekith, the quintessential example people point to when people say “Marvel villains suck.” <sigh> He’s not that bad folks. Malekith is a stone cold Dark Elf with one goal in life: to plunge the universe into darkness. He’s merciless, he’s dead serious and he sees the Asgardians as beneath him. Yeah, he wasn’t on screen for that long, but Christopher Eccleston gave a solid performance. Alexander Pierce makes for a really compelling villain because he firmly believes himself to be the savior of the world. Robert Redford brings out his calm and professional demeanor, while also making the character charismatic and intriguing. Ronan the Accuser is a power hunger warlord that sees the people of Xandar as beneath him, to the point were instead of siding with the peace treaty between the Kree and Nova Corp, he opts to try and obliterate the planet with the power of an Infinity Stone. Lee Pace gives a solid performance bringing the character’s anger and hatred to life and I look forward to see him again in Captain Marvel. Ultron is exactly what you get when you have the personality of Tony Stark and mix it with the genetic code of HAL9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Ultron has charisma, humor and a very passive aggressive attitude towards the Avengers. James Spader was perfect casting in this role as he gives a robot bent on destroying the Earth as his idea of saving it so much personality. Darren Cross is the young novitiate of Hank Pym turned corporate businessman attempting to sell Pym’s technology to the wrong hands. Corey Stoll manages to make the character funny, quirky and intimidating all in one and definitely deserves as much credit as the rest of his costars. The villains in Phase 2 are a step up from Phase 1 and will only get better come Phase 3.

Costumes and VFX: Not only were the villains a step up from Phase 1, but the costumes and CGI has improved significantly as well. Some familiar stuff such as Iron Man’s armor, Cap’s costume and the Hulk’s design have been given significant upgrades with each film. All the armors Tony has made in between Avengers and Iron Man 3 look excellent; no two armors look alike and the way they’re incorporated into battle is better than ever. Cap’s giving a more stealth like costume in Winter Solider and it fits very well with the spy angel the Russo brothers were going for. Then we have the look of the Hulk, who still brought to life through motion capture performance and looks more lifelike with more hair and softer looking skin. With the addition of new characters and new environments, there also came the use of new costumes and unique uses of CG. Despite being revealed to be a fraud, the Mandarin’s costume looks spectacular, giving him a modern terrorist look while also keeping his traditional green rob and a ring on each finger. The look of Asgard received a significant upgrade since the first Thor film, as it now has a Norse mythology feel and the costumes on the citizens look very authentic. Also, the costume and make-up department went above and beyond to make the Dark Elves distinct from previous film/tv portrayals of elves. They have pale faces with pointed ears and noses, pitch black armor and soulless eyes. The Kurse himself looks amazing with all the horns, body armor and actor Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaji (try saying that 3x fast) making the character physically intimidating. The Winter Solider’s metal arm is brought to life with actor Sebastian Stan wearing a plastic sleeve while CG was used in post. Also, for Hayley Atwell to reprise her role as a 93 year old Peggy Carter, she performed her scenes with a few trace markers while Lola VFX (who made Chris Evans skinny in the first Captain America film) added in the features of an elderly woman to make effect feel seamless. Then we get the Guardians and boy is this film littered with a mix of practical and digital effects. Starting with Rocket James Gunn’s brother, Sean, played the little rodent on set to interact with the cast while Bradley Cooper recorded his lines in New York. For reference, they used a real life raccoon named Oreo (who recently passed away, RIP) as well as a lifelike model before CG companies like Framestore brought him to life. Same treatment was applied to Groot, who was played by Krystian Godlewski on set and sources such as a botanical garden in London was used as reference. Zoe Saldana spent at least 5 hours a day in the make-up chair and the final result is flawless. Dave Bautista meanwhile spent at least 4 hours a day in the make up chair and looks just as believable as Saldana. The locations explored in Guardians such as the Kyln and Knowhere, are brought to life through practical effects for filming with the additional CG for wide shots. It all looks so real and authentic like the characters are actually there. Ant-Man’s costume is significantly different from the comics, but is very practical and lifelike. It also helps that when ever something shrink or grows, the effect is a subtle nodded to how Jack Kirby drew them in the comics. Lastly, we have Ultron, who’s brought to life with James Spade in a motion capture suit and a lifelike model used as reference. There’s plenty of other examples of the amazing use of CG and practical effects in these films, such as the de-aging of Michael Douglas in Ant-Man, the way Wanda Maximoff uses her magic, Yondu’s arrow and so much more, but to list them all will take forever.

Where it Falters: Edger Wright having a falling out with Marvel producer Kevin Feige robbed audiences of what could’ve been a great film. Not that Ant-Man was bad, quite the opposite. But having seen Scott Pillgrim vs. The World and Baby Driver, I feel as though it was a missed opportunity to let Edger make the film he wanted to make. Also, for a place called “the Dark World” it’s not really that dark. Also, I feel as though Pietro Maximoff was killed off a little too soon. I mean, we just met him and Aaron Taylor-Johnson was doing a good job as the character. Narratively speaking it makes sense, but I personally would’ve kept him around until Infinity War. Lastly, the Marvel One-Shot All Hail the King hinted that the real Mandarin was out there. It’s now been 5 years since that short and we’ve heard nothing from this “real” Mandarin. I’m hoping this get’s addressed sooner or later, otherwise it just feels like an attempt to silence detractors of Iron Man 3.

Conclusion: Marvel significantly improved their craft with Phase 2 and continues to grow strong to this day. With colorful new characters, exciting new locations, impressive VFX and costumes and great acting all all around, this is only a prelude in terms of quality for what might be the greatest era of the MCU yet. Thanks so much for reading and I’ll see you soon ;)

25 notes · View notes

luckypunbot · 5 years

Text

Endgame Spoilers

This post contains major spoilers for Avengers: Endgame. Do NOT continue past this point if you don’t want to read any. I am serious. Major, major spoilers here.

I loved it! The perfect amount of funny and dramatic, I was lucky enough to watch it with an audience that understood how to implement the perfect amount of cheering and sadness without detracting from the movie. Kudos to my fellow audience! I shall now tackle a few issues that I’ve seen people mentioning:

1). Captain America returning to the past and living his life out with Peggy. You know what? I’m perfectly okay with this. Every single time Captain America has featured in an MCU movie we are reminded of just how lost he feels in the modern day and how much he misses the chance he had almost gotten with Peggy (even in Age of Ultron he makes a mention of it: ‘As the foremost expert on waiting too long, take my advice and don’t.’).

Regarding Bucky’s role in this: I am convinced that Bucky and Steve had a discussion about this before Tony’s funeral and Bucky supported the idea of Steve doing this, if it wasn’t his idea outright. Bucky knows Steve better than anyone and can understand all too well the feeling of being a fish out of water in the modern day, as well as knowing just how much Steve needs and deserves to find some genuine happiness of his own instead of sacrificing it for other people. After all, Steve has been doing that for his entire life; it’s way past the point where he should be allowed to do something for himself without people raking him over the coals for it. And Bucky will have someone to depend on when Steve is gone: Sam. You know, the new Captain America? Sam will undoubtedly miss his friend Steve very much but he now has a purpose in his life beyond being ‘Captain America’s sidekick.’ And good for him!

2). Tony’s death. It was truly tragic and sad, but I think this was the very best and fitting way for him to go out. As a contrast to Steve who had spent his entire life sacrificing his own happiness for the safety and comfort of other people, Tony spent almost his whole life in selfish pursuits, be it pre-Iron Man 1 where he was an arms dealer, or cleaning up the messes he was responsible for creating onwards. In fact, after the time skip he reverted back to his selfish ways for a time, refusing to help the others to find a way to try to fix things because he had already gotten his own happiness. It was only after his talk with Pepper about whether or not he could live with himself knowing he could help others but chose not to that he finally embraces the selflessness that a true hero has. His end was the first point where I could honestly look at him and say without any hesitation that Tony Stark Is A Hero . . . and now everyone knows it.

Also, way to rip my heart out at his death scene, Pepper. :(

3). Fat Thor. Ever since the end of Thor 1 it’s been shown that Thor is a genuinely kind person. He has empathy and cares for other people than himself. His efforts have been to protect people, not destroy them; build them up, not tear them down; defend the ones who need defending and smite those that would take advantage of them and cause them harm. When he completely failed in this task at the end of Infinity War he got a taste of what real failure was like, and it was because of his own hubris (’you should have gone for the head’ indeed). When faced with that sort of guilt and self blame, you can either turn into a hate-filled rage monster (like it was implied Clint did) or you can . . . turn into what Thor did: harming himself instead of other people. It was played for laughs but really, how else would a kind person react to feeling they were personally responsible for the deaths of half of the Universe (galaxy?).

4). Nat’s death. One word: consistency. Infinity War already established that one must sacrifice that which they love the most to get the soul stone. Clint had already lost his family (the ones that he loved even more than Nat herself); Nat was the one he loved the most out of the ones that were left. Makes sense. The only thing I’d argue about is why Nebula didn’t tell them how the soul stone was obtained, which was risky because for all she knew the person Clint or Natasha loved the most were still on Earth and to get the Soul Stone they’d have to make a return trip to get them, thus wasting more Pym particles.

Also, I agree that it was complete bullshit that she wasn’t given a funeral alongside Tony. For fuck’s sake, people, she also sacrificed her life to save everyone; why was there no double funeral? Jerks.

5). Captain Marvel. Her power seems to fluctuate with whatever the plot dictates. I liked her movie and I like her character but I think they made a mistake introducing her to the MCU before Endgame; her powers are either too strong to make a compelling fight with Thanos (one reserved especially for the original Avengers to have), or she’s deliberately nerfed to make sure she can’t just One Punch Thanos. She can withstand a direct headbutt from Thanos but gets thrown a mile away from a simple punch? No.

I retract my previous statement; I forgot about the fact that Thanos had to use the Power Stone itself to dislodge her. Bad ass.

Final fight was too dark, though; it was hard to make out what was happening on a screen that was already full of brawling combatants. Still loved the shit out of it, but there it is.

#Endgame Spoilers #Endgame #Captain America #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #Sam Wilson #Iron Man #Tony Stark #Thor #Natasha Romanov

2 notes · View notes

siderealxmelody · 6 years

Text

Angels: Love & Culture

@aprincess-and-herknight

@waywardlightbearer

@nptperfect-indadseyes

@sam-winchester-hunting-log

@angelic-rebels

@truesymphony

The following was first published in an episode of Heartfelt. A magazine designed to bring people together.

This is guide for the humans who wish to understand their fellow angel neighbors a little bit better. This was made in part of the journalistic team at Heartfelt and a number of angels who granted their time.

Angels are not winged humans. They have their own culture, language, and ways of life. A life that is heavily informed with the knowledge they are immortal and baring any unfortunate occurrences, they don't see that changing.

There is four stages of life for them. It does not change if they were made by Him Almighty or if they are born to two angel parents. Yes, angels are able to reproduce and have children.

The first stage of life is nestling, this is when they are most vulnerable, they are born or made as a small ball of light and soft feathers. Their features slowly coming into focus the longer after birth it was.

This stage we are told usually lasts in human terms 2 years.

The next stage is fledgling, this is when their flight feathers begin to come in and they join other fledglings in beginning their education. From what we are told the fledglings are taught flight only later in their life, most of their beginning education is on the history of Heaven and play. Adults apparently watch these play sessions to determine the placement for the fledglings late in their life.

This stage is roughly a little longer, 8 years.

The next stage is juvenile. By this time they are learning to fly and are beginning their teaching in the defense. We are assured children are not pushed to be soldiers, there are many diverse paths for them to take, but basic defense knowledge is mandatory. As one angel told us "you never know when you are going to need it". It is also at this stage that the rules of courting and edicate are formally given.

This stage is one of the longest we are told. In human terms almost 10 years.

The last stage is adult, at the human age of 20 they have reached full maturity. It is on the eve of their 20th birthday that they undergo what we are told is called an Assesment. All the skills they learned up to this point is tested. Tests are random and unpredictable, so no angel gets the same one. Once they are finished with their assesment they wait for week for the results to be manually looked over before they are sent out to all of age angels.

This is the last stage, they are an adult. Though from what we understand this isn't the end. It was hinted by some angels that there is more for the young angels to do. This is a wonderful segway into talking about angelic culture.

The angelic culture is filled with juxtapositions, they are warriors of God, made to be His army. But speaking with many angels over the course of these 6 months it was a running theme of their love for nature, of the beauty on earth we all take for granted every day. That they are a family first and foremost, they even refer to each other as such. Sharing in caring for juveniles communally in what we are told everything is the same but instead of juveniles being sent back to their parent's nests at the end of the day of training they go to barracks to live with other juveniles.

Angels value honor, loyalty, and respect above everything else. To not show an older angel these things is a huge dishonor and will merit retaliation. From what we gather angels communicate with their wings- while almost all of them were not inclined to share exactly what that means. One of our subjects gave us some insight. Below is their unedited response.

"Wings show a lot. Think of parrots, our wing displays are very close to them. If we feel threatened or angry we raise our wings high above our head. If we are showing deference our wings are smooth and hang low on out back, the tips touching the floor. I say close to parrots because parrots don't have wings that are immune to holy fire or able to turn into projectiles akin to the Japanese Shuriken."

Moving on, we were told because of the very few things that can hurt them and because they value brute strength, usually disagreements turn violent, using swords or their fists to make a point. Usually the one's left standing is the one who is right. This show of strength is not just limited to making decisions. It is also used when angels begin looking for a mate, which usually starts soon after their 20th birthday.

Though I am told some young angels are waiting for longer as even after their 20th birthday there is still a lot for them to know and understand. They still need to prove their purpose to Heaven, they're worth as it were. From what I am told, this called earning their wings, it could be anything from an act of bravery to helping a fledgling in need. We are told when an angel earns their wings is a huge celebration.

All angels gather together to hear the act recounted and the tips of the receiver's wings are dipped in gold that stains and lasts for almost 2 weeks after. We are also told those angels who have earned their wings are given a special gold pendant specifically made to symbolize the act they did to earn their wings. They wear this around their neck to show for all of their existence they have earned their wings and a valuable member of Heaven.

It is usually after this milestone that angels even begin to consider taking a mate.

Now, onto what we assume is the part most of our young readers are waiting for - angel courting. We are sad to inform you as of now there is law decreed by Michael that angel and human relationships are forbidden. Sorry teen girls, daydreams will have to do.

Angels usually begin to court the angel they wish to mate with subtly. From what we understand angels don't really do the whole one-night stands and nonexlusive dating. Once they start courting it is understood this is for the rest of their existence.

Angels begin by spending time with the angels they like. Getting to know them, finding ways for the two of them to be alone. We were told here strongly that because angels genders have no basis on their reproductive prowess the genders of two Angel's doesn't matter.

Once the angels have spent enough of time together they begin to give each other things, small trinkets such as jewels, flowers, things that they think are beautiful and worth sharing. This usually culminates in a expressed ask to court the other, and if accepted the angels continue to the next tape. If rejected the angel leaves in understanding, respecting their answer. We were told here that consent is another thing angels take seriously. When we broached the subject of what consequences would there be for angels who do something to an angel against their consent we were met with looks of horror and confusion. It seems they have never had to deal with such issues.

Now, when an angel accepts the expressed courting the gifts continue thought they are more elaborate and time intensive. There is no set time for how long the courting goes on. Though it always culminates in the same thing, angels a necklace they call a claimant, it is said to be their biggest gift, most time intensive, and the culmination of all their courting. Angels frequently include personalized charms and designs to reflect the angel they are giving it to. Again, if their claimant is rejected they accept it and try to move on. Though that has not happened to their knowledge.

Angels from what we understand have a strong belief that He made them each a soulmate or twinflame. So they see a rejection at such a stage a rejection of Him.

This is really it, the last few things that angels wanted us to know is that wings to them are very sacred. Asking them to show or touch their wings is considered rude and offensive. The only ones who are allowed to touch their wings are their mates, children and their close friends. Another thing is something we here at Heartfelt Magazine wanted to share, when we talked to the angels about mating and children we heard such lovely stories but one thing that kept coming up was the fact that nestling liked to suck on their parent's or their older angel sibling's wing tips. To us it was nice to see no matter how different the pacifier was universal.

Let us know what other things about angels you would like to know. From more in depth pieces on culture to their cuisine - write to us!

#reference #idk if i should post this here or in fated oh well #ooc: this took me an hour and some minutes to do omg

5 notes · View notes

nerdylittleshit · 7 years

Text

Thoughts about Spn 13x03

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Because my computer hates me this is the second time I write this. F**k my life.

So. The first “Wayward Sisters” episode. Yeah! Overall I liked this episode a lot, even though it was not what I expected. With Sam and Dean separated and Dean alone with not one but two mom characters I expected a lot of talk about feelings, which we got in the end but not how I pictured it. In hindsight this makes sense. This episode was an introduction to “Wayward Sisters” and Patience, it was about her character and the groundwork of the spin-off we will hopefully get, and Dean’s grief (though still visible) shouldn’t be the focus. There were some parallels to the mytharc of the season – Jack – which in my opinion didn’t quite work, but apart from that it was a solid start for our girls.

The name of the episode - patience - is fitting, because not only is it about the character Patience, but about to act of being patient. Patience itself has a lot of religious symbolism, and fits right in with the seasonal theme of loss and grief.

Patience (or forbearing) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean: persevering in the face of delay; provocation without acting on negative annoyance/anger; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can have before negativity.

Both Sam and Dean have to endure pain, both have to be patient for better days to come. In a more religious approach though patience is about having faith, it is about the act to believe in a better future. With the tease of Cas’s return at the end of the episode we know that Sam and Dean’s patience will be rewarded, even though of course they are not aware of this yet. Time will tell how much patience there is in Patience.

But before we come to her we have to talk about where her story starts, with Missouri. Sam recognizing her on the phone had me believe for a moment that they stayed in contact all those years, but they made it clear that the only time they met Missouri was back in season 1. Which makes her phone call to them even more interesting, especially a decade later, as she probably knew other hunters as well. Missouri of course knew about Dean’s losses, and the fact that Jody didn’t ask him about it makes me think Sam already told her. As I said I would have loved a conversation with either Missouri or Jody with Dean about his grief, but this episode was not the place for it.

I know there is probably a lot of wank about Missouri’s death, and I get it. Another female character, a woman of colour none the less, I feel you, and you have every right to be hurt by it. It sucks that we have yet another character whose story starts with the death of a (grand) mother figure, and given that Patience still has her dad I worry about him too, because she needs a reason why she lives with Jody. That said, I felt that Missouri’s death was different, because they have given her agency. She knew that she was about to die, she had the chance to ask Dean and Jody for help, but she didn’t. She accepted it and instead asked for Dean’s help in protecting her family. She chose the terms of her death, similar perhaps to the way Jo and Ellen died. As I said, you have every right to feel bitter about it, but from a storytelling point of view Bobo proved that he can write a better death scene than certain other writers.

Patience is a girl whose only interest so far is her academic career, before she eventually gets aware of her own gift and her family’s connection to the supernatural. Now she has to decide how to deal with it. The show tried to make a parallel here with Jack (and a smaller amount Sam), who has to choose what to do with his powers as well. It is the old thematic rerun of normal life vs hunting life and fate vs free will. The shoe though doesn’t fit. Both are young and have no control over their powers yet and it is clear that their powers are a part of them they can’t escape. Patience’s gift though is passive; it is something that is happening to her and it is her choice to act on it or not. By doing so she potentially puts her own life at risk or risks that someone else gets hurt where she could have prevented it. But it is in no way comparable with Jack’s powers.

Jack’s struggle is with himself, about finding out who he is. So far his powers have only caused pain, making him believe he is evil himself. No matter what his mother told him about free will and that he can choose what kind of person he wants to be, he believes his actions (intentional or not) speak for themselves. Jack is afraid of himself, of the darkness within him, and that Dean could be right about him. And in this aspect his story matches in no way Patience’s story. Patience’s story is about her powers, her family, and herself, but those are separate things (even though they are connected). Whereas Jack defines himself over his heritage and his powers alone, making him already cancel his initial choice of Cas as his father and his mother’s believe in free will.

With James we have a character that grew up similar to Sam and Dean, because apparently Missouri was a hunter as well (was this ever mentioned before? This info seems new to me). Just like Sam though he wanted out of the life, to live normal and give his family a normal life as well. It is no surprise then that he wants his daughter to return to her old life. What is more surprising though is Dean’s response to it.

Dean: This life - hunting, monsters - there's no joy in it. There's nothing but pain, horror, and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.

This goes hand in hand with Dean’s later comment about Missouri’s death, that it was just another day at the office. Because Dean is done. With everything. He is so disconnected with his own life, with his job that gave him purpose, that Missouri’s death doesn’t affect him anymore. All he sees now is what the job cost him, what it keeps on costing him. There is no hope, no value in what he is doing anymore.

Which leads us to the end of the episode and oh, did Bobo deliver. I said after 12x22 that I believe that Bobo secretly reads all our metas because the conversation between Mary and Dean had addressed so many things we kept talking about for years. And the fight here between Sam and Dean does the same, including Sam’s status as special child/his demon blood addiction and John’s request to kill him.

Dean: You deserved to be saved. He doesn't!

Did anyone else thought of “You don’t think you deserve to be saved”? Because Sam and Dean both see themselves in Jack, but in a complete different way. Sam believes Jack deserves to be saved, he has to, because he keeps telling himself that he deserved it as well, that his family was right about believing in him. Dean though, he never believed that. Dean, who sees himself as poison, who believes that everyone he cares about will suffer because of him. Sounds familiar? Because that is what Jack currently believes about himself (oh, the irony). And Dean’s accusation that Sam only pretends to care because he needs Jack for his powers (which Sam doesn’t deny) won’t help either. I’ve already speculated about how this could be what will lead Jack away from the Winchesters, thinking they only need him for his powers (the same way Cas did).

And then of course we have yet again Sam making their loss about Mary first and foremost, and Dean making it about Cas. About how Jack brainwashed Cas, how his connection to Jack killed him, how all he can think about when he sees Jack is Cas and the pain of his loss. And how he can’t forget. Like, they don’t even try to be subtle about it. They both lost two members of their family, but for Sam it is all about Mary (and the chance to get her back), whereas for Dean it is all about Cas. Cas, who is all the way dead.

Speaking of… welcome back Cas! Even though we don’t know for sure yet I’m pretty pretty pretty sure it is the Empty. It certainly looks like it. So how is Jack connected to it? Will his voice guide Cas out of it? Will Jack bring Cas back, as a way to try to redeem himself? We will see.

Some other things:

- That shot of Dean drinking and listening to music… It was rather short and didn’t add anything to the plot, so the fact that they left it in feels significant. I still like to believe he listened to the mixtape, but obviously they can’t afford to use an actual Led Zep song.

- Asmodeus was in Jack’s head. I feel like this might cause a problem in the future.

- Ronson is my new fave.

- The Wraith said the first psychic was an accident he picked up in a mental ward. The first time we saw a wraith? In 5x11, in a mental ward.

- I really liked the fighting scene where Dean overpowered and killed the wraith. I never pay much attention to them, so this says something.

- Patience’s psychic powers/her vision was quite handy during the hunt, so I think we might see something similar in “Wayward Sisters”. Reminds me of Phoebe in Charmed actually.

And that’s it. Til’ next week!

#supernatural #spn 13x03 #patience #spn meta #spoilers #my meta

50 notes · View notes

i-need-you-means-i-love-you · 5 years

Text

The Longest Post I’ve Made On Here

Destiel is is such an intriguing and complex relationship because it is always changing. Both the characters go through so much person growth and development, it’s impossible for the relationship to stay the same. Their roles to each other, to their family, to the rest of the world is always changing.

For example: in the very beginning Castiel was this astounding, majestic figure that Dean couldn’t help being astonished by, even if he tried to downplay it. He may not be an archangel, or a god, but when he first appears, he does so as the show’s first resemblance of something divine and holy. A whole new level of power. He brings with him the idea of Heaven, of a God, of creatures who supposedly didn’t even exist until Cas arrived and changed everything Dean thought he knew. This was before Cas had Fallen, or been cast out by Heaven, or had lost his powers for any amount of time, so to Dean he might as well have been invincible.

As we know, this brought a lot of sexual tension to the relationship.

The attraction definitely started as physical, on both sides. This continued for many, many seasons.

But they start to form an emotional connection as well, a “profound bond” as Cas elegantly puts it. Cas starts to open up to Dean, accidentally-or-maybe-not revealing that he’s not as heartless and robotic as the other angels. This helps Dean see Cas as more like a human, like an equal.

Than we have 5x04: “The End”. One of the greatest milestones of Destiel. In this episode, Dean finally realizes how much Cas means to him, which is when we get this expression:

Zachariah’s purpose of sending Dean into the (destroyed) future is to show him how awful the world will be if Lucifer isn’t defeated, and the message hits home- hard, and Endverse!Cas is what hits Dean the hardest. The relationship is still at the point where Dean still sort of revels Cas, holds him up on a pedestal as a representation of all things powerful and glorious. Then he goes into the future and sees this angel, this creature he has held so highly in mind, shattered- addicted to pills, having sex for no reason, so broken by his own failure that he can’t even bear being sober- and all because he stayed by Dean. Because he refuses to leave Dean. He see Castiel fall the furthest from himself, and that’s what breaks him. Which is why he’s nearly crying when he comes back to find present Cas and where this quote comes in:

But of course he changes. How could he not? Because as awesome as Castiel is with his powers and his wings and his blades, he still has a lot to learn. He can still be stuck-up and dangerously stubborn and short-tempered. It’s the little human moments of Cas we love the most, the ones that come more and more often as he spends time away from Heaven and with the Winchester family.

But the thing about humans- they’re broken. They feel too many types of pain. They hide themselves behind anger or humor or both. They lie to their loved ones. They’re haunted by their pasts. They also care more about each other than they do themselves- to an extent that can be both irrational and dangerous. Cas is witness to this plenty of times when he sees what Sam and Dean will do for each other.

So it does make sense that in Season 6 he turns away from the humans for a while.

He goes back to Heaven to fight their civil war. Remember, he’s a soldier, first and foremost. He actually was quite a legendary leader before... well, before Dean. But he has his duties. His is at the service of Heaven. That leads him away from Dean- and everyone else- both physically and emotionally. And of course Dean notices the changes.

And Cas is unhappy with Dean too. The other angels (and other creatures) are already mocking him for being the “Winchesters’ pet” and it doesn’t help that they call him at the most inconvenient times, with no regard for his schedule and responsibilities. He is at war; in his mind, his job is a lot more important than whatever trouble the boys have gotten themselves into so far.

And his war is important. The Winchesters aren’t the only important figure sin his life; he does have some close friends among the angels. And they are dying. Remember, he’s not just a footsoldier; he’s also a leader. Every death he sees as his fault. His need for the war to end rises to desperation. The Winchesters were the ones who taught him desperate times call for desperate measures. Turning to the dark side for the sake of helping “the greater good” is a very human thing to do, and working with Crowley probably never would’ve crossed his mind if he hadn’t been introduced to the human way of problem-solving.

Not that he particularly enjoys working with Crowley.

And he knows it’s wrong.

And Dean knows it’s wrong (even though he’s worked with Crowley too) but he tries to deny it to the very last second, bristling at Bobby and Sams’ accusations, reacting with hurt instead of outrage when he learns the truth.

And Cas almost breaks- almost. Because he remembers what he and Dean were. But not quite. Instead he tries to warp it around and blame Dean for his actions.

A very human action- twisting a situation so someone else is to blame, so you don’t have to face your own horrible mistake. But when Dean forcefully tells him, “No, I was there. Where were you?” he realizes he can’t get out this easy.

This isn’t the first Destiel fight, but it was the first one that really cut a whole out of my heart. That image Dean had been trying to keep of Cas- holding on so desperately to this picture of grace and beauty- had crumbled. He realized Cas was no more pure or right than a human- than him- and that was terrifying. Enough to drive a titanium wedge between them for the rest of the season.

This is also the first time we see of Castiel that he really sinks to this level of raw desperation- something the Winchesters have dealt with countless times. The contrast between how he deals with it and how the brothers deal with it is amazing. The main theme of the show is family, and how family will always be your backbone even in the worst of disasters- but since Cas turns away from his family, deliberately isolates them, he remains unstable and deranged.

By the time he takes in the power of the souls and Leviathan in Purgatory, he’s barely holding himself together- his mind is so fragile that the souls of all the monstrous, hideous, voracious creatures in the most shameful pits of the afterlife turn him into a monster as well, and also the perfect doorway for the Leviathan.

So then we flash forward a bit- let’s see, the Winchesters and Bobby are fighting the Leviathan, Sam is continually suffering from his hallucinations and shredded soul, Bobby is shot and becomes a ghost.... and Cas is supposed to be dead.

Cas, the one who betrayed them, manipulated them, worked against them, threatened to kill them, killed hundreds of others, devastated Heaven, let the Leviathans into the world, is supposed to be dead... and Dean isn’t ready to accept that. How do we know this?

Easy: the trenchcoat. When the trenchcoat washes up on the shore of the lake Leviathan!Cas disappeared into, supposedly never seen again, Dean picks it up and takes it with him. And apparently keeps it in the trunk of his car. This might not be a big deal if he hadn’t been switching cars all year to avoid detection- literally a different car every episode- meaning every time he got a new rental, or hotwired a new model, he would open the trunk of the first car, dig the coat out because you know he’d stuff it somewhere where he wouldn’t have to look at it, and carry it to the next car. Every week or so for almost a year. And when he gives it to Cas (who was Emmanuel two minutes ago) we know why he kept the trenchcoat for so long: he was waiting for Cas to come back. Because in his heart he could never accept that Cas was gone, even though their relationship had basically been shredded by the last time they’d seen each other. When Dean returns the trenchcoat, he’s saying: “I forgive you. You were evil and a monster and you lied to me and betrayed me and I hate you but I forgive you because I love you.”

We never really find out what could’ve stemmed from that, though, because their relationship is sort of interrupted with the surfacing of Crazy!Cas.

....

Since this was a crazy long post I’m going to split this into 2, maybe 3 parts. Stay tuned if you’ve managed to read through my entire ramble!

0 notes