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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 3 years

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Psycho Analysis: Suicide Squad Team A

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS! Seriously, as soon as you click that read more, you’re gonna be smacked with SPOILERS! Don’t say I didn’t give you ample warning this time!)

The world’s in danger yet again, and Amanda Waller is in need of some expendable forces to take on some dirty jobs in the name of preserving peace. Last time she did this, it seems like she hired the wrong people. Nice guy Will Smith Deadshot? Bland, boring Killer Croc? El Diablo, who became attached to a bunch of reprobates after spending a couple hours with them? The only one who was useful in that squad was Katana. She had their backs, could cut all of them in half with one sword stroke just like mowing the lawn, and her sword traps the souls of its victims. Unfortunately, she was decidedly not expendable, so what is a girlboss like Waller to do?

Easy: Assemble a brand new squad of criminals to do the dirty work. Harley and Boomerang are the only ones she brought back, because let’s be real, they’re the only ones we give a damn about. Filling out the rest of the squad are the stoic, craggy crackshot Savant; the handsome, German spear-thrower Javelin; the alien warrior Mongal; the frothing, psychotic animal Weasel; the confident and all-powerful TDK; and Blackguard, who is literally just a guy. Together, this team gets deployed to Corto Maltese to do what no one else can do, and with skills like theirs, they are absolutely unstoppable!

They all fucking die before the opening credits.

Motivation/Goals: Considering the goal of the squad is to shave time off their prison sentences by going on the mission, it’s ostensibly the reason every single one of these goons accepted the job. Savant and Weasel are pretty well established in this regard; we get to focus on Savant for much of the opening, so we can get a sense of him, and Weasel is stated to have murdered no less than 27 children. So, yeah, they need to do this mission.

The rest, though? Who knows! Why are Mongal, Javelin, and TDK in prison? How did they even get an alien like Mongal? What did they do to land in the position they’d need to go on a suicide mission? Why doesn’t this movie have flashy, intrusive cards explaining everything to us in a throwaway gag in a montage?!

Blackguard, at least, has some other motivation. He sold out the entire squad to the military of Corto Maltese, which is why they’re ambushed. Now, there’s actually some ambiguity here: Did he do this of his own volition, and was this a complete surprise, or is it, as it is heavily implied, all part of Waller’s plan and she let this happen as a diversion for the other team to get in unnoticed?

Honestly, though, it doesn’t matter what their goals are. They’re all dead within five minutes of the movie starting, with one exception.

Performance: So, the reason these guys are even worth talking about is because, despite their minuscule screentime, all of their actors manage to cram in enough humor and characterization that they’re all pretty fun and likable. Michael Rooker is as stony and stoic as ever as Savant (until he hilariously isn’t), Flula Borg’s Javelin is really sweet and charming in his interactions with Harley, and Pete Davidson’s Blackguard is just amazingly douchey and pathetic. Special mention goes to Nathan Fillion’s TDK, who has an utterly endearing and unwavering faith in his astoundingly crappy ability to… detach his arms. It’s honestly kind of beautiful. Then there’s Weasel as portrayed by Sean Gunn, who is just a hilarious crackhead of an animal man.

Final Fate: Literally every single one of them die horribly thanks to Blackguard’s betrayal. He’s the first to go, because as soon as he walks out saying “Hey guys, it’s me, the one who contacted you!” he literally has his face blasted clean off. The rest go soon after. Mongal, in one of the most astounding moments of idiocy I’ve ever seen, leaps on a helicopter despite Rick Flag telling her specifically not to. Her weight and strength send it careening out of control, which leads to it shredding Captain Boomerang to bits before exploding, burning her alive as she painfully screams and writhes in agony. TDK gets his arms shot into Swiss cheese, leading to him bleeding out since even detached they still are part of him. Javelin is also shot, but gets a dying moment with Harley where he passes her Checkov’s Javelin. Finally, after witnessing all of this carnage, Savant completely loses his shit and tries to swim away, leading to Waller blowing his head up.

You may be wondering what happened to Weasel. He appears to drown as soon as the Squad deploys, because despite being actually smart in this movie, Waller forgot to make sure everyone on the Squad could swim. Thankfully, this lovable child-murdering crackhead rodent was just sleeping, and wakes up in the first credit scene.

Best Scene: Obviously, it’s their one and only scene. It’s a magnificent slaughter that puts the X-Force scene from Deadpool 2 to shame.

Final Thoughts & Score: I’ve gotta hand it to James Gunn. Even though these losers are only onscreen for a few minutes, they all get to cram a lot of charm and personality into that time, to the point it’s actually kind of sad seeing them all die. It’s a beautiful mix of comedy and tragedy. Since their screentime is so limited, though, I’m mostly going to be grading them on style, performance, and so on rather than on villainy like normal. They are all bad guys, as they don’t really get a chance to redeem themselves like the other Squad, so I’m still counting them as villains, which means they could potentially score above an 8 (which is the highest score I’m willing to give heel-face turn villains, because they end up being better as characters in general than as villains).

I’m also not going to talk about Boomerang (I’ll talk about him when I review the original Squad) or Harley (because she not only lives, but deserves her own solo Psycho Analysis). Now here we go, from best to worst:

TDK

If you thought anyone but TDK would get top marks, you’re sadly mistaken. Seeing Nathan Fillion proudly wield the insanely lame power to detach his arms to lightly tap soldiers on the head and gently grab their guns is a sight I never knew I needed to see until this movie. The fact he just seems so darn proud about this power that he doesn’t even bother to use in any way that would be remotely useful is honestly really endearing. Frankly, the sheer fact they adapted Arms-Fall-Off Boy in any way is enough for me to give him a 10/10.

Weasel

Weasel is just disgustingly delightful. He’s just a horrible, nasty, ugly little bastard… But he’s kind of adorable? He clearly has no idea where he is at any given time and is just so goddamn freaky that I can’t help but love him. The fact that, despite being a character who in the comics is noteworthy only for dying on his first mission with the Squad, he manages to survive the entire movie is pretty impressive. Hopefully he comes back in the future, but either way he gets an 8/10 from me.

Javelin

Honestly, aside from Boomerang, his death stung the most. He’s just so cute and charming, and he doesn’t even get to fling his javelin at anyone! Thankfully, he passes it on to Harley, and boy does she ever get to use it! He’s so cute, I have to give him an 8/10. I just wish we got more of him.

Savant

Savant is just an absolutely hilarious bait-and-switch. We follow him through the prologue, with everything seeming to point to him as our main character and the Squad leader. He’s stoic, he’s cranky, and he has impeccable aim… and then we get to the beach and he just freaks the hell out and starts screaming and crying and running away like a little bitch. Seeing Michael Rooker act like he’s shitting his pants after playing a badass like Yondu is just the sort of hilarious subversiveness that James Gunn loves to do when you let him loose. The fact that he looks like, to paraphrase the TVTropes YMMV page for the movie, a “cyberpunk Tommy Wiseau” is the icing on this 7/10 cake.

Blackguard

I was prepared to hate this guy just based on how lame Pete Davidson’s costume was, and you know what? I do hate him. But I love to hate him. He’s just an utterly pathetic scoundrel and a coward, true to his name. The fact he is the first to die, as just about everyone predicted, and is killed absolutely gruesomely makes any annoyance he could provide moot, and his freeakout over being seated next to Weasel on the plane is actually kind of funny. I was originally going to give him a 6, but you know what? He can have a low 7/10. He’s like the only member of this particular Squad to actually do anything evil, so I gotta give him props for that.

Mongal

Let me make this perfectly clear: I do not blame James Gunn or actress Mayling Ng. I’m not actually mad at either of them for what they chose to do, because it is ultimately hilarious and sad. It suited the narrative of the film, and I’m not actually, genuinely mad.

With all that out of the way, Mongal is one hell of a stupid cunt. It is one thing to cause your own death with your stupidity, it is something else entirely to cause the death of a beloved character with your poorly planned attack. The fact she didn’t take into account how her weight and strength would effect an airborne helicopter makes one wonder if she is really supposed to be based on a character who can take on Superman and live to tell about it.

Let’s compare her to two similar characters to really show how bad she is. Like Blackguard, she is directly responsible for a death on the beach, Blackguard being responsible for everyone by selling them out and leading them into an ambush (and yes, I’m including him as well), and Mongal killing Boomerang with the chopper. The difference is, Blackguard’s betrayal was deliberate, he meant to sell the team out, he was actively doing something evil there, while Mongal killed Boomerang out of sheer idiocy.

Now, let’s compare her to Zeitgeist from the similar bloody massacre that occurred during X-Force’s deployment in Deadpool 2. Like Mongal, he accidentally kills a teammate. The difference is, in the case of Zeitgeist, he only accidentally melted Peter, it was a freak accident, and ultimately it does get undone by the end. Meanwhile, Mongal made a conscious, stupid decision and ended up killing her squadmate with her own idiocy. She sucks, hardcore. I don’t do this lightly, but I’m giving her a 1/10. Villains just don’t get much stupider than her.

I will giver her this, though: the makeup work on her is good. She’s lowkey kinda hot if I’m being honest. But being hot and having good makeup does not a good villain make.

#Psycho Analysis #The Suicide Squad #Savant #Michael Rooker #Javelin #Flula Borg #TDK #Nathan Fillion #Weasel #Sean Gunn #Mongal #Mayling Ng #Blackguard #Pete Davidson

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onlyherefortheshowmances · 3 years

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So I saw someone else get an anon message that said: “I hate to admit this, but I really can't shake the feeling that Benji loves Victor more than Victor loves Benji at this point.” I wanted to respond as well, because I think this is something people are probably seeing a lot and I really want to explain how I’m looking at it (from personal experience and just from looking at and examining the characters).

CW/TW: Mental Health, suicidal ideation/action mention, Addiction, Emotional Trauma, sex mention, Predatory relationship mention, catholicism, homophobia, misunderstandings, lack of communication, spoilers for love victor seasons 1 & 2 [let me know if I missed anything please]

I want to be frank in saying that Benji is my favorite character and I project onto him a lot (along with seeing a lot of myself in him). I’m also white AF, so I’m sure some of you think that’s relevant, but I really don’t think it is in this particular case. I do also however identify with Victor in a number of ways and I am trying to see the characters both as complex individuals with deep personal histories. Both have suffered traumas and both are clearly dealing with a lot of their own shit on top of being sixteen/seventeen and dealing with junior year of high school and all the pressures and expectations that brings for everyone.

I think what people are interpreting at loving someone more/less is actually about prioritizing someone/a relationship more/less. In my mind, from what I see on screen and interpret, they both love each other beyond words. They are both very much in love with one another. It comes down to how they display that to each other and to the public as well as where on their list of priorities this relationship falls.

Let’s start with Victor, struggles and life:

He is dealing with internalized homophobia and associated thought-patterns stemming from his upbringing in the Catholic church as well from the vocalized homophobic remarks from his mother (toward himself and Benji as well as likely at other points in his life toward strangers), his father (stating that he hopes Adrian doesn’t turn out ‘like that’; the scene in S1 where they’re at the church in Texas and he calls the hairdresser ‘flojito’; etc.), and his grandparents (on his birthday and likely at other points in his life). As a result of this, Victor tried to make himself straight (or at least interested in a girl) by dating Mia because he did like her as a person and everyone was telling him that’s what he was supposed to do. He ended up hurting her and almost losing her friendship (temporarily, he did, but she does seem to have forgiven him now).

He is dealing with outside homophobia as well. That kid on the very first day he was Creekwood responding to Benji helping him up. Felix’s comment that same day of ‘you don’t want to give people the wrong idea.’ The basketball team/gym class guys roasting him about not hooking up with Mia on the ferris wheel. Felix saying he’d be crazy to not like Mia. Lake asking ‘are you gay or something’ when he brought Felix along to Mia’s house, etc., etc. Some of these things may seem innocent enough, but they weren’t. Not to Victor who was already struggling to accept even the possibility that he might be gay. Once he managed to come out to his parents, obviously his father got better fairly quickly, but Isabel continued to struggle for six months which put even more pressure on Victor to try to lead this double life. Once he came out at school, the whole fiasco with the basketball team also occurred and that was a lot for him, because Basketball as always his safe-space. It’s where he went to get away from all the other pressure. It was something he didn’t have to think about and now suddenly, he did. Those pressure are also affecting his ability to think about what he may want and it seems affecting his ability to think (at all sometimes) about how any of that is also affecting Benji. It’s affecting him so much that he’s basically blind to how it’s also affecting Benji to see him suffer. He doesn’t even consider that possibility until Felix brings up how hard it is for him the night Felix breaks up with Lake and Venji get caught having sex.

Victor also has struggles away from just his coming out and accepting himself journey. He has the struggles associated with his parents separation. Until fairly recently, Victor always thought his parents had a perfect relationship. He saw that as the ideal. Get together in High School, get married right away, stay together for ever, happily ever after. That’s what he was raised to expect. And now he’s seeing their relationship fall apart before his eyes. Hell, his devoutly Catholic mother had an affair, and he’s wondering if it’s really possible for your first love to be your only love especially after he and Benji start butting heads, so he’s already vulnerable to that viewpoint when Rahim brings up the possibility. He gets so lost in what’s happening to his parents and what Rahim is saying about it not usually working out that he forgets how in love he is and he sort of loses his will to fight for what he wants, because maybe it’s just doomed to fail anyway (until he sees Benji at the wedding and it sort of hits again - and then Felix’s speech thereafter, obviously). He kind of loses his way by getting caught up in the statistic improbability of your first love being the one and watching his parents’ marriage potentially fall apart and he wonders for a moment if it might be easier, if it might be better to just walk away and go toward Rahim who he seem to get along with and seems to understand the things Benji doesn’t about him, but what he fails to examine in that moment is that he’s only barely scratched the surface with Rahim and that Rahim doesn’t know him like Benji does and that every relationship has it’s ups and downs and what it always comes down to is how willing both parties are to work to make things right. How much you’re willing to step into the other person’s shoes and try to understand. In my opinion, even if he were to walk away from Benji and go to Rahim, that bubble of understanding isn’t going to last forever either. He’s failing to remember that when he got together with Benji (and for most of the summer it seems) that’s exactly what it was like and failing to remember that they have grown beyond that into a deep soul-altering love for one another that deserves his time, energy, and effort and NEEDS those things to keep it going.

Now let’s talk about Victor’s priorities in life:

Victor has always been close with his family, especially his mother. The strain on that relationship is very taxing on his mental well-being. He has a hard time ‘standing up to’ her or talking back to her, etc. because he loves her and he just wants their easy, close relationship back. He already overcame his own anger at her affair to get her back, but now she’s the one pulling away because of his sexuality and it’s hurting him because if he was able to forgive her for something that was actually wrong, why can’t she forgive him for something that he has no control over. So he loves his mother and his family and he hates disappointing them. He has spent most of his life fixing his family’s issues (as he explains to Simon in S1), but now he is the issue and he doesn’t know how to handle it. When in 2x1 he decides to just bring Benji over and try exposure therapy with his mom, it backfires in a big way. Even though they barely touch each other. Even though Benji just says the word boyfriend once, it’s too much for Isabel and Victor desperately wants to please. He desperately wants to not lose his mother (who has always been the person he is closest to), so that causes him to take a step back from going against her and the steps he still takes (telling her he wants her to call Benji his boyfriend not just his friend, the whole conversation outside the church, the conversation with Adrian, etc.) are things that Benji doesn’t get to see happening and it frustrated Victor that Benji won’t even listen to him when he tries to say that his mom is making progress at all, because she is so important to him and yet it seems like Benji just doesn’t even recognize or care about that. This leads him to say the thing he does at Brasstown before Benji runs out, because he assumes that it has to do with Benji being white and of course, that is part of it, but I think Victor in that moment is so overwhelmed by the rejection of his mother and now the refusal of his boyfriend to even try to understand that he snaps. He forgets all the struggles Benji has told him from his own past and he just lashes out which causes Benji to leave [more on Benji’s viewpoint of this whole thing later].

Victor also loves basketball. It’s true that in some case LGBTQIA+ individual participate in certain activities to make them seem more ‘normal’. Gay men participating in sports to seem more macho is a common one, so Benji thinking that’s why Victor plays basketball makes sense to an extend, but he never bothers to ask Victor about, only makes assumptions, and Victor feels like the fact that he actually likes sports makes him ‘not gay enough’ (see conversation with Andrew). What he’s forgetting entirely is his encounter with Bram and the gay basketball league in NYC from episode 1x8. There are many ways to be gay, and sports gays do exist and are perfectly valid. That’s not the type of gay Benji or his friends/bandmates are, but it is the type that Victor is and Benji failing to recognize that and failing to understand or even ask Victor about that drives one of many wrenches into their relationship. In episode 1x5 when Benji shows up to Victor’s first game back on the team and does the Go Grizzlies dance with the other basketball girlfriends, it definitely does a lot of help Victor realize this was just a miscommunication/misunderstanding rather than anything malicious. Basketball and his teammates continue to be a priority for him after this, but that seems to be something Benji is now capable of understanding.

Finally, Victor loves Benji. He wants to be with Benji; there is zero doubt about that. However, for Victor when he’s put on the spot (as in episode 2x8) and basically told he has to choose his mom (who has raised him and been his closest confidant and biggest supporter for his entire life) or his boyfriend (who he’s known for almost a year and been dating for six months and is helplessly in love with) it processes as an error message in his brain. He just wants everyone to get along. He’s not mad that Adrian knows that he’s gay (he’s wanted him to know for months), but he is upset that his mom is now even angrier. [see my section about Benji in this moment, for more about Isabel’s reactions as well] In his mind, telling Adrian could wait. In his mind, he was willing to go along with his mom’s requests for a while longer just to keep the peace so to speak. He didn’t want his whole life to fall apart and that’s what he thought was about to happen in that moment. That’s why he asked Benji to leave. He didn’t want to make his mom any angrier. Could he have chosen his words better? Yes. Could he have made Benji understand better? Yes. But he’s sixteen and his brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity because post-sex brain is definitely a thing and he was also looking at his mom who has already been horrible and barely able to look at him for six months, looking even angrier after he finally thought they’d made some progress after church the previous week.

So in conclusion, regarding Victor:

He loves his family (especially his mom). He loves Benji. He loves Basketball. Obviously, he’s not going to prioritize basketball over either of the human beings involved, but I think it’s important to at least note it’s importance in his life. As for Isabel vs. Benji. To Victor, these are the two most important people in his life. All he wants is to be able to love both of them and have both of them love him in return. When they are pit against each other, especially directly, it’s hard for him to make a choice. It’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to his mom and it’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to Benji, but in the moment (episode 2x8 specifically), he takes Isabel’s side, because he knows the ramifications of saying no to her and of making her even more angry that she already is are far worse than the ones for asking Benji to leave for the night. He failed to realize however, how close Benji already was to the edge and how upset he was going to be and how little he understood (or was willing to try to understand) about the situation. This is something he really needs to communicate with Benji (even though it’s not quite as important now that Isabel’s apparently come around). I think it’s important for Benji to understand that Victor values his relationship with his mother enough that it’s difficult for him to go against her without a lot of preparation and having a fully fledged reason, etc.

Now for Benji - Struggles and Life:

The obvious of course is that Benji is a sixteen/seventeen year old that’s barely a year sober and attending AA meetings regularly. Recovering from Alcoholism is difficult at any age let alone for a teenager. One of the most important factors in recovery is looking at the things that led you to drink in the first place. Looking at things that may be considered triggers and either learning to avoid those people/situations or learning healthy alternatives in those situations. I have multiple family members who are both actively drinking alcoholics as well as those in recovery. I also lost my best friend/ex-fiancé to alcoholism a few years ago, so to say I have some personal experience in this arena is putting it lightly. Benji admits to Victor in 1x7 that he used to drink a lot because he knew he was gay, but didn’t want to be. To me that whole story screamed, I’m an alcoholic and while a lot of others agreed with that opinion. I was not shocked that Victor didn’t understand that underlying truth. Those that don’t have intimate familiarity with alcoholism often do not recognize the signs (either as they happen when when they are not directly told). It is made clear in episodes 2x7 & 2x8 that Benji hates this part of himself, in fact he says as much to Victor when he arrives at his apartment late the night of his birthday. Benji has still not fully accepted that the alcoholic part of himself that attends AA meetings and drinks orange juice while his friends are drinking vodka is one and the same with the part of himself that loves Victor with all his heart. This is something I’d really like to see him reconcile and work on in season 3 and beyond. Understand that you can’t compartmentalize yourself. You are but one whole person and all facets of yourself are in fact part of the singular you. [Not accounting for those with dissociative identity disorder.] It’s not directly mentioned if he’s still struggling with urges to drink, but most if not all alcoholics do, especially when experiencing those aforementioned triggers. Seeing Benji meeting with his sponsor after the incident with Isabel/Victor is not shocking to me and if anything, that was the healthy and correct response on his part. The reason he was drinking in the first place was that he was gay and didn’t want to be (internalized and probably external homophobia) and he just experience some really intense homophobia at the hands of his boyfriend’s mom (and partially said boyfriend himself). Benji’s lack of understanding of where Isabel was coming from in episode 1x8 speaks volumes to just how traumatize Benji still is about his own experiences with homophobia. The only thing he can think about in that moment is that this woman hates me for being gay. She hates her son for being gay. Being gay isn’t okay, etc. What he doesn’t factor in is that Isabel is also devoutly Catholic. I honestly don’t think it’s the gay part of the sex that horrified her the most. The Catholic faith is also very clear on the practice of abstinence from sex (at all) prior to marriage. She would’ve responded the same way had she walked in on Victor having sex with a girl, in my opinion, but in the moment Benji’s own trauma is overriding his ability to understand that because all he can see is the homophobia. This is especially true after she calls him Victor’s friend rather than his boyfriend and that in my opinion, is why he snaps. Could he have phrased it better? Yes. Could he have said it without shouting? Yes. But he is a freshly seventeen-year-old whose brain is not functioning on all cylinders in that moment.

Sort of coupled with his alcoholism and recovery therefrom is the allusion his mother makes to ‘dark times’ following his accident. I do have suspicions that perhaps he was also struggling with mental illness, and likely continues to. Depression to the point of suicidal ideation or actions (possibly only in the form of drinking, but possibly in other forms as well). Anxiety is pretty obvious from his actions and reactions throughout the series as well. I also think he is dealing with some sort of trauma-based disorder stemming from the homophobia he experienced (especially the instance of his father taking him to strip-club). It may go as far as C-PTSD (which I myself am diagnosed with) or it maybe something less (or even more). I’m not in the habit of sticking mental health diagnoses of people (fictional or otherwise though). Dealing with these things on top of what in his eyes feels like rejection from not only Isabel, but in a way from Victor as well likely causes some very unpleasant thought patterns and the potential for thought spirals and the likely. I also see indications that he could suffer from co-dependency (whish I also have dealt with in the past), but I’m honestly not sure if that’s me projecting or if it’s actually there.

Then on top of all of that, his boyfriend who he loves more than anything in the world, tells his deepest darkest secret to someone he’s literally never met or spoken to and that said boyfriend has only known for maybe a week at best and thinks it’s no big deal. In that moment, I can 110% see why Benji requests to take a break and I feel that choice is 110% the right one to make. What is a relationship built on if not trust? Victor just destroyed most if not all of the trust Benji had in him. That doesn’t mean he stopped loving him, just that he doesn’t trust him. Love isn’t something you can turn off and on like a light switch especially not the kind these two share. I definitely think Victor has a lot of explaining to do and a lot of apologies to make. I do also think they both need to have a really long, really honest and open conversation. Benji needs to be willing to get a little vulnerable and explain why certain things are causing him so much distress, but he also needs to be willing to listen to Victor explain why he can’t simply go against his mother as Benji seems to think he should. They both really demonstrated a degree of selfishness this season along with an lack of communication and a lack of willingness to understand or even try to understand each other’s points of view and that is a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

There also exists the issue of Benji’s parents. His mother especially seems to overstep quite frequently and insert herself into his life where she was not invited or expected. I do wonder if this was always her personality or if this is something that started after Benji’s accident. I have a hunch it was likely the latter. I see indications that perhaps there was some neglect or just general indifference on his parents part as he was growing up. They clearly missed that he had started drinking heavily and that he stole his dad’s car that night. He was also evidently dating Derek for quite a while before the accident. (Derek is another section by himself though.) This not to mention the fact that his father took him to a strip club and paid for a lap dance when he was no more than sixteen if he was even that old, in an effort to turn him straight. Benji tells Victor in episode 1x7 that he and his dad used to be close and that they used to go to Dollywood on road trips and other such things, but that he’s been distant since he came out. We see from the scene where he walks in on Benji and Victor making out that he’s not vocally/outwardly homophobic, but I would not doubt that he still harbors some of those viewpoints in himself. It’s evident to me that Benji is not close to his parents (he may once have been, but at this point it’s pretty clear that he’s not anymore). Benji doesn’t have siblings to the best of our knowledge. It’s also mentioned that his nana (like a paternal grandmother) is deceased, so it’s really not clear how much contact he even has with his extended family or how much of one exists. For these reasons, in his mind, there is no circumstance where his family (especially not his parents) would take precedence of his own happiness or Victor’s. That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him that Victor doesn’t stand up to Isabel, because if the roles were reversed, he would have no problem at all telling his own mother (or father) off. He doesn’t seem to comprehend Victor’s need to keep his relationship with his mother intact. I’m very glad Isabel pointed out to him that Victor has stood up to her and risked their relationship for him, but the disconnect still lies in that Benji isn’t a fan of the fact that he didn't’ do that in his presence and that he didn’t do more.

Then there’s Derek. Derek is at least a sophomore in college in season 2 as he was clearly in college in season 1 as well. Meaning he is at least 19/20 when Benji is 16/17. They had been together for a year the previous spring (episode 1x6) which means they started dating when Benji was 15 and Derek was no younger than 18 (I think he is like at least a year older than the youngest possibility). Georgia’s age of consent is 16, and there are no ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in place in the state meaning it is categorically illegal for anyone 18 years of age or older to engage in sexual acts with anyone 15 years of age or younger unless they are legally wed, meaning until Benji’s 16th birthday, this relationship was illegal in general not to mention the predatory nature of someone in college dating a high school sophomore to begin with. They generally don’t prosecute if the people involved are within 4 years of each other though (which coincides with ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in other states) which they could’ve been within depending on Derek’s actual age and birthday. It doesn’t seem like charges were filed either way which is questionable on Benji’s parents part. Benji also tells Victor in 1x10 that Derek made him feel bad a lot of the time about the things he like and about being a romantic, we also see Derek crap all over Benji’s special anniversary date in 1x6. The toxicity of that relationship is sure to have left it’s mark on Benji and carried over into his new relationship with Victor. I also find it questionable that knowing that, Benji was shitting all over Victor’s love for basketball at one point (isn’t that exactly what he complained about Derek doing to him about his interests?), though as you see in my earlier comments, I do understand that perhaps Benji wasn't’ fully aware that Victor actually liked basketball and wasn’t just doing it to seem straight/make his dad happy/etc. I also think it’s quite confusing that Victor managed to come up with that date idea for Benji in 1x6 and then the best he could do for Benji’s birthday was champagne and sex? I’d be more than marginally hurt over that if I was Benji, to be completely fair. It is also worth it to note that Benji stayed with Derek for over a year despite all of their problems (which goes back to the possibility of co-dependency issues) and yet he was willing to break up with him just to chase after the possibility of Victor. They had already connected on so many levels even prior to that night that even the possibility of that relationship made Benji willing to leave someone he’d been with for more than a year (obviously Victor’s little speech in the hallway played a part in that).

Benji’s Priorities:

In Benji’s world, he has a few things that could be considered priorities.

Maintaining his sobriety is obviously one, but he keeps that separate from everything else. I don’t see it being held above or below anyone or anything. It’s just a completely separate thing to him (which again I feel he needs to reconcile). He was able to do that while also appeasing his friends and Victor (see episode 2x4 where he switches out his cups).

His music/band is obviously a priority, but again that’s something basic that everyone knows about and accepts. He doesn’t have choose between that and anything or anyone else that we’re shown.

Victor is his primary priority however. To him, that is the most important relationship/person in his life. He doesn’t know what he’d do without him. He says he loves that part of his life which I take to mean, he loves who he is when they’re together and not so much when they’re apart. To him, there is no question of who he would choose if there was a choice in front of him between Victor and literally anyone else (including his parents). That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him when the choice isn’t so simple for Victor when he actually has to make one between Benji and Isabel. Benji isn’t close with his parents and he doesn’t seem to understand what it is like for someone that is. Even if his parents didn’t come around right away. Even if they still may not be fully on board with everything, it didn't’ matter that much to him, because he could stand up to them because he didn’t care about destroying a relationship, because there already wasn’t much of one to begin with. This leads to him not understanding that Victor is seriously conflicted in the moments where he is made to choose between his boyfriend and his mother, because to Benji that choice is crystal clear. Again, they could really do with an honest conversation about this where Benji actually listens and tries to understand where Victor’s coming from, because right now, I think he just doesn’t quite get it. It’s clear that Isabel’s speech at Brasstown helped him to understand or at least start to, and obviously now that Isabel isn’t so much of an obstacle everything becomes a little easier, but it is still something that I really feel they need to discuss and understand about each other.

In conclusion:

Both of these boys need therapy (individual, family, and couples), and they would really benefit from a lot more open and honest communication where they both are able to speak honestly about their needs and desires as well as both being able to listen to and understand (or try to at least) one another.

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daltonacademia · 3 years

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this photo- and what it means.

I recently hung up this photo of the poets in my room, and it's really started to get me thinking.

This post is a fairly long analysis so it's all below the cut. Also, tw: there are mentions of suicide.

Notice what each of the poets are wearing. Their outfits in this picture perfectly reflect their personalities and/or defining traits.

-Charlie is dressed in sweats, showing his casual-ness and his contrast to Welton and their formal school uniforms.

-Meeks is dressed a bit more academically, but in a way that reflects his own personality, not the academic aspects valued by Welton.

-Todd is wearing something simple, easy to hide in. Something that doesn't 100% comply with Welton, but not something that doesn't oppose it (from the stance of him at the beginning of the movie).

-Now Cameron is wearing something that Mr. Nolan would look proudly at. A formal outfit, no discernable flaws, but also no flare. Even his vest is wrinkle-free.

-Pitt's ensemble resembles Todd's a lot, besides the fact that he's wearing a button up under it. I think this shows that while he may be unassuming and passive on the outside, underneath he's smart. Again his outfit complies with Welton's standards, but doesn't exceed them.

-Knox wears a Welton sweatshirt that looks distinctly sporty, contrasting everyone else outfit. I think this shows that his pursuits, like Charlie's, lay beyond academics. Plus Knox has been associated with more sporty activities throughout the movie, such as his bike ride around time and watching the public high schools football team/cheerleaders.

-And finally, Neil is wearing a V-Neck sweater with a white button up under it, which has a button or two undone. I think this symbolizes his simultaneous compliance and defiance with the systems Welton has put in place. He wears their ideal uniform, most similar to Cameron's, but in a way that would be considered improper. And also notice he lacks Cameron's tie, showing that he doesn't have school spirit, as if the tie was a medal that he discarded.

---

The position of every poet in this photo is important as well.

-Charlie sits closest to the camera, sitting improperly on a desk. It shows how big his personality is, and the domineering influence he has on the Dead Poets as a group.

-Neil and Meeks are next closest to the camera. This also shows their importance to the group; Neil was the first one to suggest starting the society, and Meeks helps with schoolwork. Also note that Neil is the only one sitting properly in a chair, which reminded me of the scene with the gun towards the end of the movie (though I'm sure that was pure coincidence). Also take note that Meeks sits behind Charlie, showing his loyalty and submission to him, which is displayed throughout the movie.

-Now onto Cameron, Mr. Keating, and Knox. While their placement with the camera doesn't seem as relevant as the other characters, there still are a few important details. One- notice how Keating is closest to the center. No one blocks him, almost as if he's in he spotlight. I think the boys hold him in such a regard that they could almost see him as a holy figure who deserves the spot. Cameron's body is turned away from Keating, showing his disconnect from his teachings and foreshadowing his eventual betrayal. Knox is partially out of frame, which could symbolize that he only finds true satisfaction away from the poets and Welton itself- in Chris.

-Fianlly, we have Todd and Pitts. You can already see from the photo and their outfits that there are some connections between the two characters, and this is presented in the photo aswell. Todd is hidden behind everyone else, probably symbolizing his mentaility that he is inferior to everyone, and just his anxiety in general. Pitts also stands behind everyone else, donning a smile which contrasts Todd’s unhappy expression. This probably represents that Pitts is happy to be in the back, versus Todd who wants to be in the front.

---

Here’s my final thoughts/other minor details:

-I think the meaning behind each of the poets expressions is fairly obvious. Most wear lazy smiles, Cameron wears a picture-perfect yearbook grin, Neil wears a very obvious fake smile, and Todd wears a borderline frown.

-Cameron’s hand on Neil’s shoulder. In this photo it’s hard to see whether it’s Cameron’s or Knox’s, but I found the same photo from a different angle and it’s clearly Cam’s. Plus, it makes more sense within the story. Neil is consistantly nice to Cameron, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Cam was closest with him compared to the other poets. (Plus, Cameron seems to be the one helping Neil study trig, which supports this. Feel free to add more evidence).

-This one is a bit of a stretch, but still interesting to think about: the watch on Neil’s wrist. His watch is latched onto his left hand, and Neil shoots himself with his left hand. Could the watch symbolize that he has limited time? No one else in the photo is wearing a watch from what I can tell, besides maybe Keating. But remember, in the original DPS script, Mr. Keating was supposed to have a fatal terminal illness, meaning his time was also limited. Of course, we do have to remember RSL is a lefty, but it’s still food for thought.

Feel free to add onto this with your own connections/theories.

#dead poets society #DPS #Dead Poets Honor #dead poets society analysis #dead poets society 1989 #dead poets society (1989)#Neil Perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #nuwanda #steven meeks #Stephen Meeks #gerard pitts #knox overstreet #Richard Cameron #dead poetry

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itsnothingofinterest · 3 years

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A recent topic of discussion I’m seeing lately is whether or not Endeavor will or should die before series end. And surprisingly, even from people who don’t really like him & are willing to rightly call him out are saying he should live. For a variety of reasons too; such as death being the easy way out of consequences for him, that he’d become a martyr if he dies, it’s better if he lives to make things up for his family with his actions, and other such points. So I just wanted to get my own complicated thoughts on the matter out there.

Because I happen to agree with all of those points.

But I also still think Endeavor should die.

And to be clear, that’s not because I think he’s a bad person (although I do; he’s a type of horrible equal yet opposite to the League really). Actually, when I think about it, I find I don’t much care for if he deserves to live or die or what it would mean for his character; I only really care about what it would mean for the people around him and their relationship with him. Really, my view on the matter is Fuyumi’s in reverse; which is to say I think him dying would take his family members in a good (or at least more interesting) direction.

Mainly Shoto & Touya, although it’s not like I don’t think the rest of the Todorokis lives wouldn’t be improved by a severe long term reduction of Endeavor in their lives. There’s just, y’know, more to talk about with those two.

Shoto

For Shoto, I’ve mentioned this before, but he’s in a really weird place with Endeavor, with obstacles of various natures in the way of really addressing his issues with him or reaching the conclusion it seems he’s supposed to reach with him (and also his character's conclusion in general). Obstacles that I think Endeavor dying would help remove.

For one, Shoto’s not really thought about his own feelings on his father for the longest time; always putting that on the back-burner in favour of how Endeavor is useful to him in one way or another. Whether that be as a good mentor & networking connection, or as a tool to mend his family’s hurt, or most recently as someone who can bring him to Touya or Touya to him. And I’m not exactly sure that’s healthy.

And that’s why I think Endeavor dying might actually be good for Shoto; it would force Shoto to stop thinking of his father in terms of his utility and finally address his own feelings towards the man. All that stuff he’s put aside because they’d interfere with more pressing matters, won’t interfere anymore. He might finally be able to actually resolve his conflict with him. I mean, he’d have to if Endeavor were dead; you kind of get the final word in that scenario.

It would also make ‘forgiving’ his father, something he’s foreshadowed to do eventually & to some extent, easier and more palatable for him. See, to forgive someone who’s still alive and active is, in part, ceasing to hold what the forgiven did against them and no longer look to hold them accountable. Which would be somewhat off-putting with Endeavor, who hasn’t really made up for what he did, or done much to apologize to Shoto at all. If they’re dead though, then the act becomes a lot more about letting go of your own anger for your own benefit. Which I am into, because I am far more interested in what is for Shoto’s benefit than Endeavor’s.

Additionally, I kind of just think Endeavor being gone for good would be good for the structure of Shoto’s story arcs. See, Endeavor has this horrible habit of making his family’s story lines all about himself; and Shoto, a supposed major character, suffers from this more than anyone else. The Todoroki story line, which is meant to be his story line, has stared Endeavor for so long now. Even Shoto’s basically let him take the lead. It feels like Endeavor being permanently removed from the picture one way or another is the only real way to make Shoto the star of his own arc again.

Dabi

Dabi is also a character that’s made to revolve around Endeavor, just in more obviously unhealthy and downright destructive ways. His only goal in life seems to be ruining Endeavor and all he stands for, happily destroying himself and whatever else must be sacrificed along the way; in fact I’m not unconvinced he’s planning a murder-suicide with his abuser, he’s so single-mindedly and self-destructively focused on ruining Endeavor.

And so one day I had a thought. “What would he do, if Endeavor died, and he was still alive?”

It’s a question I’ve thought about a lot, because he does in fact have things going for him outside his dad. He’s got a found family that supports and cares about him, he’s got a cushy job (if his underlings get broken out of jail anyway), and he’s got plans for the future. He just doesn’t expect to be there for it or take any direct part in building it. But he might if he inadvertently has no choice.

This is why the idea interests me so much: if Endeavor were dead, what would Dabi do? Would he finally start working with his fellow villains in earnest and open up to them? Would he be able to find new purpose, maybe taking direct action towards bringing about the future he wants? If so, how would he do that? I mean I doubt it would all be good & healthy, because if it was then Shoto wouldn’t really need to intervene to close out the Todoroki plot line; but it would all be forward progress for a guy who’s been stuck in the past since he was a kid, and that’d be an intriguing development.

(Also, just to throw out an idea to consider in this idea we’re considering: If Endeavor were to die saving Touya, whether from an external threat or by making sure he survives his murder-suicide attempt, that could have a further interesting effect on him. Like, I don’t think it’d mean Touya would forgive him by any means, but it would likely leave him very confused and unsure of things, and maybe Shoto could make use of that in saving his brother.)

In short, I think Endeavor should die for both his sons’ character arcs. His, preferably permanent, absence from their lives feels like it may be a necessary ingredient in their growth, independence, and reconciliation. And if a character I don’t particularly really like has to die for that; a more than fair trade I say.

#bnha #bnha manga spoilers #endeavour #shoto todoroki #dabi #touya todoroki #league of villains #lov #paranormal liberation front #PLF #my stupid long term predictions

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not-poignant · 3 years

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I was lurking in the discord, but I was wondering what exactly about Ef would classify him as a "soft client" to Dr. Gary? Is it just because he recognized that Ef is incredibly capable of loving underneath his trauma? Or like because he hadn't had like extreme cases of violence for a period of time? Or is it just like a combination of everything haha

We’ll probably have to give some actual context to Dr Gary’s job here, which I know I’ve done before but I can’t be bothered looking for the ask/s so I’m going to do it here in more detail.

Just a heads up that there will be a frank discussion/detailing of very disturbing themes which will include the malicious rape and murder of minors. (I.e. things that we do not deal with directly in the Spoils of the Spoiled universe at all). Mentions of client death by suicide.

Dr Gary is a specialist psychologist who actually focuses in on the clients that no one else wants to see. That doesn’t include people like Efnisien. Dr Gary sees the teenagers who have been raping their parents or terrorising them for years because it’s fun, he sees the juveniles who have raped or shoved foreign objects into their toddler siblings and killed them through mass internal bleeding, and felt nothing else about it except ‘well I ruined that one and now I think I’d like to find another one.’ He sees teenagers that are resistant, usually hit every part of the Macdonald Triad, have often/usually killed already, or have certainly raped before in a malicious or serial fashion, and almost always express no or minimal remorse for their actions.

They are manipulative, pathological liars who have very little interest in respecting the mental health system or psychologists, they often don’t want to get better, or show minimal interest in getting better, and they have a high recidivism rate (i.e. rate of going right back out there and committing crimes). A significant percentage of Dr Gary’s clients have eventually gone on to commit suicide or end up in maximum security prisons.

But Dr Gary is - due to his own personal interests, and due to his set of skills - suited to specifically helping these people, and also, he has a strong belief that everyone deserves some form of assistance, and that no one should be refused genuine psychological help just because other people believe they should be, as an example, put to death or sent to jail forever. Especially - to him - when they’re teenagers or young adults. He recognises that just because people don’t want to deal with these teenagers, doesn’t mean they don’t exist, or they don’t deserve help. He recognises that most of society will wash their hands of them and pretend they don’t exist, and he will metaphorically push his sleeves up and get to work. He strongly believes that ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away, and jailing the problem is rarely effective on its own.

This is one of the reasons why he falls back on ‘I don’t believe in good or bad people, I believe in good or bad actions.’ If he can reduce the rate of criminal activity, or change the action profile of these clients, even if they still want to behave maliciously, he considers himself on a successful journey. But it also means he works closely with juvenile detention facilities, created Hillview himself, and works closely with outpatients. (As well as in consultation, teaching, and sometimes working in court cases as a specialist). There’s a reason Mack has desk alarms and a sophisticated protection system and it’s not because of people like Efnisien; though Dr Gary wouldn’t see the most dangerous ones at his private office anyway.

I’m sure, when Dr Gary started out, he took more of a mix. But he soon distinguished himself as someone who was not only willing to take on those clients, but was actually more able to get results because his compassion is genuine (let’s be real, psychologists are only human, and a lot of them - despite their best efforts - are still going to really fucking resent someone who raped and murdered a toddler for the lolz), but so is his Take No Shit attitude. So after a while, he was only getting referrals for the most serious clients. And then he had so many of those, he had to assemble a team of specialists, and that was basically how Hillview was born.

In the end, his spectrum of clients were among the most difficult and some of the most dangerous. When Efnisien antagonised Dr Gary by saying ‘how have some of your clients not tried to kill you’ Dr Gary was probably thinking ‘oh, they have, they have.’ I like to think Dr Gary actually has a giant scar along his flank from a time when he was much younger, hubristic and under-estimated one of his clients, and that after that he got a lot more serious about his work and also his willingness to have security standing nearby when he’s working with the most serious ones.

Even his team of specialists take difficult and high risk clients, but Dr Gary is just known in the system as taking the worst of the worst (kind of like how Mikkel is known as being a public defender of domestic violence victims specifically). And these people do get known in the system. A lot of psychologists either won’t take on certain clients or do very poorly with them because they don’t want them or don’t have the tools to handle them or just are manipulated by them. So juvenile detention centres, lawyers, other psychologists and psychiatrists and facilities begin to get a bead on the specialists who will actually help, or at least try. And then they call them incessantly, forever. Dr Gary is a busy, tired man who tries to take at least two weeks off a year to sit on a beach and stare at the water lol.

Efnisien by comparison to Dr Gary’s other clients, molested people his own age - led to it by coercion, never raped anyone, and tortured animals. That’s still terrible, absolutely, but by comparison, he’s just not anywhere near the same calibre as any of Dr Gary’s other clients. He’s someone who is capable of remorse and demonstrated that before Dr Gary ever met him. He’s someone who literally has stopped hurting all animals and people by the time he’s placed in the hospital. And a quick interview with Dr Gary revealed he wasn’t a ‘psychopath’ as Gwyn thought he was, but someone with Pure O and complex PTSD who was exploited into acting on intrusive thoughts by an abuser (which we learn at the end of Spoils of the Spoiled, when Gwyn realises that Efnisien probably never would have grown up the way he did if it wasn’t for Crielle and it makes him very sad). As soon as Dr Gary realised that, he was like ‘oh no, turf him onto someone else, that’s too easy.’

The only reason he took him on was due to a complicated set of factors, including guilt and remorse that Efnisien was molested/sexually assaulted in Hillview by the psychologist that Dr Gary referred him to.

But being referred to Henton in the first place doesn’t mean Efnisien doesn’t have serious mental disorders (he does), and it doesn’t mean Efnisien doesn’t need serious care (he does), he just doesn’t represent the bulk of Dr Gary’s high risk clients. He’s an outlier. Efnisien feels his feelings and ultimately is a very soft person, not just a soft client. He wants to please everyone, he actually hates hurting people, he’s nervous and shy and fidgety, he’s sensitive and responsible and empathetic, and his biggest misfortune was needing to please a psychopath growing up that he was completely dependent on in order to live, who constantly reminded him that he was abandoned and that he’s only worth loving when he’s good (i.e. doing what he she wants), so he had no other choice. And his story or journey is literally the uncovering of his real self, or the self he is without being under the influence of Crielle. And he rebelled against that influence under his own steam, and she tried to kill him for it.

I also think Efnisien is helping Dr Gary realise that he maybe doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life working with ‘the worst of the worst’ just because no one else is equipped to handle them. Even if it can be rewarding at times.

These days he’s building a curriculum to educate more psychologists in aberrant psychology, and developing genuine compassion in the face of aberrant and malevolent behaviour and holding a centre in the face of that, and looking to spread the load a bit more, and work more as a supervisor for other psychologists who are learning how to deal with these clients. He’s realised that clients like Efnisien make him feel a lot more hopeful about the human race overall (not that he was ever a nihilist), and that maybe Efnisien shouldn’t be the only one. But we’re never going to learn that in the story, because it’s not a ‘Dr Gary story’ lol.

#asks and answers #dr gary konowalous #falling falling stars #fae tales #fae tales AU #efnisien ap wledig #dr gary and his clients #i don't really write about the worst of the worst #frankly #but dr gary essentially sees the teenage equivalents #of crielle #and as we know #some of those people are beyond any kind of redemption #and even dr gary knows that #but damn it #he believes every person deserves a genuine chance at someone trying to help them #and he will be that person #even if it does mean he drinks a bit too much red wine at the end of the day #it's also why NOTHING efnisien shares with him #ever shocks him #he's heard those stories from the words of the people #who enjoyed inflicting that torture on children like efnisien in the first place #i think the first time he learned a ten year old #could disembowel a baby with a candlestick #by raping them #and it happened to be their sibling and they did it for fun #he realised he needed to get his shit together #and either leave the job or knuckle down #dr gary knuckled down #and there's a group of folk out there who are *very* grateful for him and to him for existing in the first place

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thevirgodoll · 3 years

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My mental health has been stopping my success no matter how hard I try. I’ve been going to therapy and getting help and it’s getting a little better but it’s still unbelievably hard. I’d love to hear your tips on being gentle bc sometimes the thoughts get too much. And the people around me aren’t the kindest (working on getting out of this situation as well)

•get some sleep...ik this is the hardest thing but YOU NEED 8 HOURS - it changes everything...less sleep for me brings on an episode

•journaling: when things get rough literally just open a document or a diary and just let it all out, don’t worry about making it perfect...just do a stream of consciousness daily to analyze your thought process and be honest n real

•have a hobby...it will make you feel so much better

•remember that you have something impacting your brain and life...it is NOT your fault

•have someone that will hold you accountable and check in on you!!!

•get away from negative people...they’re a poison to you - if they happen to be in your space then limit your interactions with them and don’t give them any reaction. give them NOTHING! leave them fighting for attn

•be honest about your bad days!!! stop holding back on that because you’ll just feel like garbage

•depressive episodes? set timers to eat, set timers to shower, for everything

•prepare yourself when you’re feeling bad, have your snacks and movies and everything and just take it easy stop berating yourself just be nice and acknowledge that you’re sick and you deserve rest

•workout at home with a baddie playlist...get yourself moving or dance to some music

•have compassion for yourself the same way you have for other ppl. stop treating yourself like you don’t have feelings

•validate yourself...don’t overlook your trauma or pain. everyone is hurting. you’re allowed to hurt it doesn’t matter how far gone you think you are or how bad of a person your mental illness claims you are..you are doing okay and it’s going to get better. it’s not easy but it’s worth it. let your heart cry, and let your inner child catch a break. for once, just stop carrying the weight of it all.

•DONT LET ANYONE DEMONIZE OR STEREOTYPE YOUR MENTAL ILLNESSES!! this is why people invalidate themselves!! trust me i have a loottttt to say on this. people do NOT get it and i understand, trust me they use bipolar as an adjective (when it has multiple states??? so it makes no sense), they think my ADHD only means i’m smart and can’t pay attn (that’s...not even the half of it), and that there’s no disability or chronic illness...don’t let ppl downplay anything!!!!!!!! and don’t let ppl make you feel bad for meds either like? the ignorance!

•when intrusive thoughts come, take a deep breath and acknowledge how you’re feeling...question them...ask about the rationality...combat them with statements about yourself (“well i’m smart so that’s just not true.” “i know i’m loved so that’s just an irrational thought”). THE NEGATIVITY ITS ALL THOUGHTS & FEELINGS! but not facts

•combat more thoughts with comforting statements like

“i know this situation will pass”

“this feeling won’t last forever”

“i won’t fight my feelings. but i know they won’t be allowed to stay much longer. i’m going to focus on this opportunity to take back control of my life. my thoughts don’t control me, i do.”

“this will all be over soon. everything will be okay.”

•be honest in therapy...yes we can joke about lying but it does nothing but stunt your growth. tell the truth, the therapist is only there to help. this is a form of self love - you’re being honest and getting the treatment you deserve because you deserve to win!!!

•if you take medicine, don’t skip doses...no matter how hard the day is, you’re going to feel much worse if you skip any doses. you’re going to feel dead inside and absolutely horrible. medicine may not work one day but that doesn’t mean you won’t have a better day tomorrow. medicine isn’t guaranteed to always work, you’re going to still have bad days. monitor your progress though, if you have more bad days than good, schedule the appointment (if you have a mood disorder, consider the fact that you may be in an episode love). but do not stop meds without speaking to your doctor. and if your meds are working, don’t skip doses and stay hydrated and watch your alcohol intake / or don’t drink because all of these things can mess with the effectiveness of your meds.

•you may feel like being alone is worse than anything, but it’s not. your own company will end up being the best. this is the time to learn about yourself. cook new things. change your wardrobe. again, hobbies!!! learn new languages. have fun with yourself...do a exercise of 5 things you’re grateful for, qualities you love about yourself, and things you look forward to with yourself as far as mental health improvement. now on the flip side, don’t isolate yourself!!! let your loved ones in, and let them be there especially if they’re healthy to be around and they understand and are trying.

•suicidal thoughts: if you’re feeling this way, i understand...and because i understand i’m not going to make you feel bad about passively feeling this way. these thoughts that creep in are the worst, and they can cycle for hours on end even if you don’t WANT to do this. it’s going to be okay angel, i promise. don’t suffer in silence. and if you actively want to or still passively, please please PLEASE remember. you are important, worthy, and loved beyond measure... my inbox stays open for any and all concerns. love u all

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gallagherwitt · 5 years

Text

Parents, don't let your babies grow up to be soldiers.

I've debated for a long time about posting this, and after some of the things I've read this past week, it's time.

To be clear, I have nothing but respect for people who serve. Whether your reason for joining the military is to serve your country, to gain access to the GI bill, to escape a bad situation, or any other reason -- respect. I'm also only speaking out the US military, as I don't know enough about other countries' forces to comment one way or the other.

So.

People sometimes come to me and ask for advice for themselves or for their high school age child who is considering military service. Which branch should they choose? Should they enlist or become an officer? Do a four-year stint or go for the 20-year career?

And it's hard to have those conversations because the answer I want to give is "Don't do it."

The suicide rate in the military is on the rise, and the powers that be keep wringing their hands and wondering why. Anyone who's paying attention can clearly see why.

Toxic command climates. Multiple year-long combat tours. Financial stress (food stamps are not uncommon in military families). Separation from loved ones for months or years at a stretch (either to remote duty stations or on deployment). Long periods of severe sleep deprivation. Untreated addiction, mental illness, and PTSD. Untreated or maltreated injuries or illnesses. Sexual assault is taken even less seriously than it is in the civilian world. Domestic violence is rampant.

The military has resources available for all of these things, and channels that service members can use to report problems. On paper, the support network is strong and present.

On paper.

In practice, it's a very, very different story.

The simple act of asking for help for depression, anxiety, burnout, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, sexual assault, harassment, etc, can literally end a person's career. At best, it can seriously derail it, diverting even the most promising upward trajectory. At worst, it can lead to a person being deemed unable to do their job, being stripped of security clearances, railroaded into dead-end rates, etc.

People are unofficially and indirectly punished for whistle blowing. Report sexual assault or harassment? Well, they'll need to separate you from the other person... which means you're probably going to wind up behind a desk in a promotion blind spot, and whether anything happens to the perpetrator or not (spoiler: it probably won't), you're not getting promoted. If you don't get promoted, you don't get to reenlist. Snitches get stitches.

If you're a dependent of an abusive service member, it's even more complicated and intimidating to get help than it is in the civilian world. You're told -- sometimes directly, sometimes not -- that reporting this can end your spouse's career, so you'd better be *real* sure you want to open that Pandora's box. After all, if you end their career, then you have financial stress *and* your spouse has yet *another* reason to be angry with you. Couple that with the difficulty spouses have holding down careers with multiple moves, and you have abused spouses with no means of supporting themselves if they leave.

Got a knee that hasn't been the same since that training exercise last year? You can go to Medical and get some Motrin, but if you can't PT, it's going to hinder your ability to get promoted. Physical readiness is a job requirement, and the doctor says it's fine, so just keep knuckling through. Then when you fail a couple of physical readiness tests and finally get booted out, you can go see a civilian doctor and find out how badly you actually injured your knee and how much damage you've done by continuing to stand and run on it. The VA might take care of you, but don't hold your breath. After all, the military doesn't maintain equipment it's no longer using. Once you're off active duty, you're no longer a priority. Not that you or your health are much of a priority on active duty -- all that matters is your physical readiness.

It's not just *your* health that's compromised either. If you're in a rate where overseas duty stations are necessary to move up the ranks, your family needs to be -- at least on paper -- in tiptop health. You can lose overseas orders if one of your dependents has a medical condition -- even something like depression or if they're in need of dental work. Alternatively, you can go unaccompanied and live apart from your dependents for the duration of your orders, which is spectacular for morale and families.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

Except no one expects the military life to be easy. After all, those are the sacrifices people make to serve their country and defend our freedom, right? Let's be real: No one has fought for the safety and freedom of Americans since World War II. Vietnam, Gulf War I, Afghanistan, Iraq -- those were over politics and oil. Now we're sending troops to defend oil in Saudi Arabia.

We're not allowed to say all that out loud because we're supposed to support our troops. And I do support our troops. I'm married to a service member, for God's sake. It's because of that support that I AM saying this out loud:

Our service members are fighting for politics and oil.

Not freedom. Not America. Not democracy.

Politics. Oil. Other people's promotions.

Service members deserve support, and they deserve better than the top-down failures from leadership that have been rampant in the military for decades. It's considered noble to serve because by enlisting, you're handing the United States a blank check to be cashed in the amount of up to and including your health, your sanity, or your life.

We're just not supposed to pay attention to what's in the memo line on that check:

Politics. Oil. Other people's promotions.

And in the end, when you've served your time, and you've either reached the end of your contract or the end of your usefulness -- whichever comes first -- then you'll be expected to transition to a normal life as a productive citizen who hasn't seen and done things few can imagine in exchange for a handful of benefits. No one wants to hear about the horrors you've lived and the nightmares you have even when you're awake. They want you to be a dignified veteran so they can thank you for your service.

So if you come to me and ask for advice regarding you or your child joining the military, I'm going to be honest. I'm going to say the only thing I can, in good conscience, say after watching service members get chewed up and spit out one after the other:

Parents, don't let your babies grow up to be soldiers.

#military mental health #military

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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you seem like you loved your sister so much & neither of you deserve to live lives of pain. i have a sister too & i'm going to kill myself soon & everything's ready. she doesn't love me & definitely not the way you loved yours so unconditionally but i feel sorry about it anyway. but one can't always live in pain just to spare others, right? i lived enough. all i know is that you never deserved this and neither did she. i hope she's at peace. it was never your fault.

hey. i’m not going to pretend i know the details of the dynamic between you and your sister, nor am i going to act like i can change your mind about any of this as a stranger on the internet when you’re obviously going through very deeply rooted issues that need real medical attention n treatment. or at the very least the attention of someone in your actual life. at the same time, you know i’m not just going to let this sort of thing fly in my inbox either. so i’ll talk for a bit and if you want to listen and take some of it on board, then that’s great. if not, that’s ok too. i really hope you do though, even if your brain is screaming at you not to. that it’s all pointless and all the usual shit. again, i don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship with your sister, and i don’t mean to minimize whatever struggle you’ve had with her. i’m sure its been unimaginably difficult, and i do feel lucky to have been such great friends with my own. i know it’s not the case for everyone, so maybe my perspective is skewed. but i can tell you that the state of your relationship with her is not going to minimize the grief or the heartache losing you will cause. because death throws all of that shit right into perspective in a very real, unchangeable way. and it is like nothing you can currently think of. you are still siblings. you still had a whole life together, and you are the only people in the world who were raised the exact same way. there’s always going to be a bond and there’s always going to be some part of her that cares. before my sister died, we were not as close as we had been previously. we weren’t properly fighting or anything, but drugs estrange you from people and we had had more rough moments than usual. and some moments i didn’t recognize her. we weren’t spending as much time with each other either. and it didn’t change a thing. i think about the fights now, or all those hours i spent not talking to her when she was just in the other room. and i just know innately it was beyond stupid. but i don’t blame her, i don’t hate her. i don’t sit there and think i’m glad she’s gone just because there were moments she infuriated me. i know that’s my situation, and maybe ours are incomparable. and if she has been abusive to you in some way, i don’t blame you at all for feeling this way. but i just know that when you are suicidal you are biased against yourself, automatically. your brain will twist every relationship and situation in your life to justify killing yourself. it will force you to think in black and whites - according to your mind, it’s not that you’re struggling right now, it’s that your whole life is doomed. it’s not that you and your sister have a difficult relationship, it’s that she can’t stand you and you guys will never ever reconcile. more often than not reality lies in the grey areas between. i think it’s important to rationalize and hold onto that whenever you’re able to. even if you have to force it. but don’t think for a second she’s not going to spend the rest of her life thinking about you. if you are unfamiliar with grief you might not understand the gravity of it. i’ve had people message me saying that seeing the way i am about my sister has made them entirely rethink taking their own lives because they did not realize how permanent and intense loss truly is. i’m not saying it’s the same for you, i don’t know what you’ve been through, but the fact that you already feel sorry towards her tells me you can see this for what it is more than you want to admit. there are people around you who love you. your absence is not going to be a blip for them, it is going to shape their lives because you shape their lives by being here. none of this is what you believe it to be right now.

but i’m not trying to guilt you into staying alive, either. i know that’s not fair. it’s not - and you’re right. you shouldn’t live purely for others, not always. especially when you’re in pain. but when you’re in a very bad place, sometimes it’s just about what’s going to get you to tomorrow, or the next moment. if that’s the thought of your family, and feeling bad about doing this to them, then welcome it. any reason is good enough. and maybe in time you’ll be able to get to a place where you live for yourself, in fact i’m sure of it, but right now you obviously believe that’s impossible. it’s absolutely not, but that’s likely how you feel. i’ve heard that being actively suicidal is such an intense feeling that it doesn’t last super long - you can spend weeks or months being passively suicidal, but the actual moment of being at risk of attempting always burns out rather fast. and people who have attempted generally report that that regret starts seeping in when it’s a bit too late. i really do not want you to have to experience that. instead of harming yourself, it is going to serve you so much more to work on trying to minimize the pain a little more each day, however you can. i don’t mean that in a patronizing way, i know you’re tired and i know it’s not that easy. all of this is easier said than done. but you do not have to kill yourself just because you have things ‘ready’. you don’t have to do anything. you don’t know what’s going to happen from one day to the next, and you don’t have to have a plan. just think about the present moment and what you can do to help yourself in a positive way right now. nothing is set in stone. clearly you have a lot going on and you need to think about seeking the help you need from those around you before you think seriously about anything else. whether it’s your parents, a family member, a suicide hotline, your doctor, a support group, any therapist or counsellor in your area. literally anything is worth the try, even just picking up the phone tomorrow and seeing what your options are. just let them know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking, like you were able to do with me. you’re seeing things from a very specific point of view right now. i’m not bullshitting you when i say that talking to someone, analysing your thoughts and emotions out loud n learning how to cope with them in healthy ways that you can incorporate into your daily routine CAN change the image you have of yourself and your future in your head. and even the relationships w those around you. depression is an illness, it permeates every part of your life until you can’t see beyond it. and it needs intense treatment the same way any physical ailment does, but it is not a death sentence just because you’re exhausted in this moment. you might not be able to believe it right now, but you have to stick around to see that i’m right. you might as well. besides my family, the only other thing keeping me here is the knowledge that i am going to spend eternity dead any way. this is all just a flash in the pan and you might as well save everyone and yourself the heartbreak by experiencing it for what it is rather than trying to end it prematurely. anyway, i know i could go on and on about this so i’ll shut up but please. just consider the other choices in front of you, man. you deserve better. i sincerely believe it’s waiting for you. you haven’t lived enough because you’re still here, and there’s still a whole future waiting for you. that’s not a bad thing. there are ways to learn that it is not a bad thing. please consider reaching out to those around you or to a professional, please. my inbox will always be open if you need a friend, and you’re not alone. if you have the compassion to believe i don’t deserve pain, and that that shit wasn’t my fault, surely you can extend a little towards yourself too. please take care, get through minute by minute. i believe in u.

https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

#dont send me any asshole asks abt this im replying to some 1 who approached me in my own inbox alright .#tw suicide #anon

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wu-sisyphus-gang · 3 years

Text

Motion Sickness Chapter 38

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"How long are you going to follow me, you mute bitch?" With her teleportation and illusions there wasn't much I could do about it. We both knew if it came down to it I'd win, though. I'd shown that earlier. But she could escape anytime she wanted so I couldn't chase after her and end it. I could activate my semblance and smash her around with my strength or speed and win by standing still.

But only by standing still.

I walked past a billboard proclaiming Mercury Black, Emerald Sustrai, Cinder Fall, Hazel Rainart, and the Scorpion as wanted. My friends lived. I'd go spy on them later, when Neapolitan wasn't watching. Just to check up on them. Then I'd head my separate way.

She rapidly poked one finger through a loop in the other hand. "Fuck," I interpreted. She pointed at me. "Myself."

She clapped her hands giddily in her approval and her eyes switched colors.

"I need money," I muttered. "And a new scroll. I don't suppose you have any ideas."

She reached out into an illusion and retrieved a red brimmed hat.

"Ones that don't involve Ruby. I really seriously don't know where she is."

She looked like she didn't believe me, eyebrows furrowed.

"Well tough shit. Unless you want to go another round." She rubbed her chest where I hit her. "I'd be all for that."

She just frowned.

"Fair enough," I said. "Why do you even want to find Ruby?"

She drew a line over her throat and fondled the red and black hat.

"You want revenge for Roman Torchwick."

She nodded.

"Ruby didn't kill your boss." I dropped the harsh news on her.

She cocked her head sideways at me as we walked together through Mistral. It was… it was actually nice to have someone to talk to. Talk at, even. Otherwise I'd be alone with my thoughts and that just wouldn't be good for me. I was still wishy-washy on ending my own life.

I deserved it too. I wanted to die for what I'd done to my friends. I was the culprit, the thief in the night who robbed them of the opportunity of ever being 'together, together.'

At least they were together in death, now.

"A Grimm got him," she frowned up at me at that. "You can't even get revenge." I laughed. "You poor bitch. Not that I'm any better." Who was I supposed to kill in my hunt for vengeance now? Me. And believe me I was thinking of ways of getting to that son of a bitch. Unfortunately he was running out of friends.

An alien goddess had control over my mind. I was little more than a puppet under the right circumstances. I suppose if I had been like a puppet, all uncoordinated, Ren and Nora might have had a chance at subduing me. Instead I'd acted more or less fluid. That was a little scarier. Or a lot.

She smashed one fist into the other.

"If you were going to kill me you would have done it back at the bar. Don't act. You can't pull it off. Not while I'm awake and I assure you I'll be on my guard while sleeping. You won't get it done then either, not with my aura level."

She gave me an adorable pout. Her pink lips pressed together and out. Her pink and brown hair flowing over her shoulders.

"I know how you feel. I need revenge against Cinder. You know her? Cinder Fall?"

Her grin stretched.

"Don't tell me you want to kill her too? Did she get your boss killed? Set him up?"

She nodded.

"That's as good as killing him, I suppose. I think we may be able to help each other. Ruby really didn't kill him. Ruby doesn't have it in her to kill somebody. She always goes out of her way to avoid it."

She frowned and pointed at me.

"She's not like me. I'm a murderous asshole."

She shook her head indicating I'd guessed wrong and pointed at me again.

"What about me?"

She rotated one finger next to her head.

"I am crazy. Don't even get me started. If nothing else I'm suicidally insane. And that doesn't even get to these bugs in my eyes."

She pantomimed doing a line of hyper. Pinching one side of her nose and breathing in.

"I'm not on anything. I'm just fucked up."

She touched the tips of opposite forefingers together.

"What's that mean? It's not the same thing."

We walked in two-sided silence for a few minutes down a rainy street.

"You know where somebody with a loose moral compass can make some money around here relatively fast?"

She pointed a thumb over her shoulder back at Malachite's bar.

"Yeah, I sorta burned that bridge. And it can't involve Don Corneo. I had him tortured. Killed a bunch of his men, too."

Her smile widened looking up at me.

"Oh is that how you get your jollies?"

She just grinned up at me.

"Well I suppose we could just do official huntsman work. That's always lucrative."

She pointed a finger between us.

"Yeah I thought you were following me. That makes it an us. Keep up. Plus I just might be your best shot at murdering Fall. I almost fuckin' had her. And I might know where she's headed next."

She looked at me in surprise.

"Yep. Her and Black, too. Fought them relatively recently."

She put a hand to her mouth and silently laughed at me.

"Yeah they lived. Go ahead and giggle. Next time I'll get one of them. At least one of them. Well, Cinder has the powers of the spring maiden now. It might be even harder than before."

She gave me a confused look. Hell, who was she going to tell? She was… easy to talk to besides. I wasn't sure if it was the muteness but it might be.

"It's a whole thing. Ancient powers passed along person to person. Myths and legends. It's fucking bullshit is what it is. Girls only club. So maybe you could get in on that action."

She silently snorted, full of doubt. A little air escaping her nose.

"It's true. You can be the one to fight her and find out the hard way or you can take my word for it. She's even more dangerous now. And she was already a heaping pile of it before. I surprised her yesterday and I'm only getting stronger from what I've seen but she just added a big helping of power to herself."

She pointed at herself then smashed one fist into her open palm to indicate violence.

"Could you beat her?"

She nodded. Letting me know I'd guessed right.

"Maybe. Maybe before but probably not now. You'd be in serious trouble. I'd be in serious trouble." I let that sink in, I was able to beat this ice-cream girl and if I was not able to beat Cinder that only meant she wouldn't be able to either.

She made a complicated series of gestures.

"I didn't get that. But it doesn't matter, does it?"

She just frowned at me and I strode forward. She was practically jogging to keep up and I had no intention of slowing down.

The relic jingled by my side as I walked.

"You know maybe it can involve Don Corneo. You up for stealing from a mob boss? It might involve torture and death. I could use someone with your talents."

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Some broken limbs and I learned the news (Neapolitan had clapped at that). Don Corneo was holed up in his mansion with a whole lot of guards and probably a whole lot of money. Evidently he hadn't taken being tortured very well.

Go figure.

Neapolitan or just Neo was working beside me and honestly it felt good to have somebody watching my back, even if they were criminal scum. Which, I mean, beggars couldn't be choosers from their glass houses.

I needed a pseudonym. I could hardly keep calling myself Jaune Arc even though my weapon and face would be recognizable. I needed a haircut and makeover and a new name. I had to hide from my friends as much as it bit at me.

I was lucky they hadn't reported me to the police. The wounds on Nora and Ren's bodies would be unmistakable as coming from my weapon.

More importantly I needed the money to do all that. I was a long ways away from hopping on a horse and riding out to Merlot's laboratory, as much as I may want to. Instead I needed to stay in the city for a while.

That meant laying low and coming up with a heist. I needed money. Enough that I didn't have to worry about it for a long time.

I was struggling to come up with a new name for myself. That was always the hardest part. Names. I thought that as I broke one of Don Corneo's lackeys' fingers.

Neo and I had him tied down in a hotel room on the lower levels. It was dirt cheap and nobody would ask any questions. Especially if we left no body behind.

He screamed into a gag and it came out muffled. Nickel was the name we managed to get out of him.

"Shshsh." I told him. "You're going to tell me the security details on Don Corneo's mansion or I'm going to break every last bone in your body. If you scream I'll hurt you even more than that. Are we clear? Everything goes well and you get to walk on out of here. You might have to find a new boss but that doesn't really matter compared to your life, does it?"

He seemed to realize I was actually waiting for a response and gave a slow shake of his head. I nodded at Neo and she pulled out the gag.

"Now, what's the security look like?"

"He's going to kill you for this, he's going to-"

Neo gave a lecherous grin and stabbed him through the foot. Who was this guy fooling? He didn't even have aura. There was no way the Don cared about him a Lien. Not that we cared considering we were planning to rob him blind. She covered his mouth with the other hand, not that we really needed to down here per se, and looked him in the eye.

Her gaze flickered out like a hungry lizard's tongue to meet his eyes and devour all of the pain therein.

"Boy you don't even have aura. I can fix that for you. Unlock your aura and make it all go away." He was older than me, probably by a few years. Might be twenty-one, twenty-two. I watched him consider it. Aura was a game changer. A kid like him had to know what it meant, what it could mean. It'd mean a pay raise if nothing else. It meant increased survivability. It meant the power to fight back against those dastardly huntsmen.

"I can make the pain go away too. It'll heal you right up, even your broken fingers." They were tied behind his back. Nice and easy within snapping distance. "What's it going to be, my man."

"Fuck you, I ain't your man."

I broke another one of his fingers. Neo stuffed the gag back in his mouth while he screamed.

"We're not making much headway with this one. Might have to kill him and grab a fresh one. Start over." I said it clinically to Neo. Her eyes went wide at the thought of the violence. I even thought maybe the tips of her breasts were protruding more than before from the excitement. She gave a silent laugh and I hoped it was just my imagination. For my part I didn't have a carnage boner.

A murder erection I distinctly did not have. I wasn't a sadist. Just a pragmatist.

I had to admit there was a bit of an endorphin rush at the thought of snapping this guy's neck, though. With Neo's semblance we'd just walked up and grabbed him from the mansion and we'd walked away, under the cover of an illusion.

Suddenly I had some symptoms come at me and I blinked hard at the tactile sensation of bugs in my eyes until they stopped. Nerves firing which shouldn't have been.

"I'm thinking maybe we just hammer the place. Go all in and kill everyone in our way," I said. "Your thoughts, Neapolitan?"

She stamped a foot.

"Beg your pardon, I meant Neo." I hadn't but she seemed content to insist on it now that I'd figured it out. I took it as a good sign.

"M-m-m. M-m-m." Came from under the gag.

"Sorry, do you have friends in there? Some buddies perhaps?"

Neo pulled the gag out of his mouth. Nickel spat on the floor, very much not in our directions. He didn't want another broken finger was what that told me.

"You'll never make it like that. The Don has a safe room. A panic vault. You'll never get in and get what you want that way."

"And you've telling us this now because…"

"I want a cut. He's got millions stashed away. A-and I want my aura unlocked... And I walk free."

So that's how it is. Money talks, money talks. Apparently louder than broken bones could.

"Tell me about this panic room."

"It's got Titania walls and big electric locks."

"What kind?"

"The fuck should I know? It's like you see in bank vaults though. His office is in there. Or at least it is now they moved it from the second floor. He's been paranoid. There's been talk."

"Talk about how somebody got to him." I nodded. I put my face in his. "Somebody did. I'm going to do it again."

"It was you. It was you at the Honey Bee Inn." His brown eyes went wide.

"Maybe. Tell me about the mansion."

"It's built with choke points in mind. And places we're supposed to go to to lay down fire if there's an assault. It's all built around this central courtyard, too. It has mines in the walls, explosives at every corridor. They can be remotely activated by the Don. The whole place is booby-trapped. It’s supposed to be huntsman proof.”

“Nothing is actually huntsman proof."

He shrugged but the fact he was panting hard ruined the illusion of calm. "Couldn't say."

"Talk to me about the patrols you were on.”

“They’re fairly strict about it. Somebody will have noticed I’m gone, even. Every hour on the hour and through the center courtyard. Around the building, too.”

“How many?”

“A hundred of us at a given time, maybe."

A hundred could be a problem. Especially if they had proper choke points and the right hardware. Hard light weapons or magnetically accelerated rifles were huntsman level. There were also electric weapons which I was sure could find Neo, invisible or not. I'd seen Neptune use one. An explosion could also take me down. Limit was good but I wasn't invincible.

"Aura?"

"Some of us have it, some of us don't. The Don hasn't been in a position to be picky about his men. Not with his empire crumbling under pressure to the Malachites."

I leaned back and folded my arms. I exchanged looks with Neo. She flickered in and out of the visible spectrum and warbled a hand.

"Might be too many to just walk in to. Plus the explosives. They gonna be a problem for you?"

She waved her hand again.

"Samesies," I grunted.

I had him walk me through the layout of the place in enough detail that I was able to draw a map of the first and second floor. The panic office was on the bottom floor. A big, heavy thing like that couldn't be above ground.

Neo gave me a pleading look and I nodded. She walked behind Nickel and she bent down like she was going to untie him. Giving him one last shred of hope before she snapped up and slit his throat. I watched her take extreme pleasure in doing it.

She shuddered with the living corpse as his lifeblood drained soundlessly onto the floor. She looked ecstatic in the company of death. A low narrow smile on her lips.

It was clear to me. I just needed to give her lots of targets. It seemed like it had been a long time since she was able to indulge in such things. Heists. Murder. All of it. Money must trickle. The blood must flow.

Most importantly I needed to keep her focused on Cinder rather than Ruby. I think the message was starting to sink in but she could relapse. Besides, I wanted Cinder to die and another body wouldn't hurt.

I just needed to make sure she didn't run out of her little pleasures and it seemed to me like I'd have a loyal ally. Underneath it all it seemed like she was just lonely and scared. Especially without her boss. I think there was a part of her that liked taking orders.

And weren't we all like all that? I was like that without Ruby for one. I wasn't sure she would approve of this but she probably didn't approve of me murdering our friends either so there was that.

Neo didn't seem so bad. A bit of a sadist but hey, me too. There was a part of me that took sick pleasure in bringing ruin to my enemies. There was a sideways joy in delivering a boot to their faces.

And my friends… if I ever saw them again they'd have to understand. I did what I had to to find out about Merlot… this… my father. I had so many memories. Like visiting Shion. We're they all fake? I had to learn more about myself. If I had to shake hands with a few demons to make it happen then big fucking whoop.

Neo looked at the blood on her stiletto and wiped it off on the Nickel's clothes.

I could work with this. I could live with this. I just needed to throw away my pride.

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

-WG

#neapolitan #Jaune Arc #Rwby #ff7 #ffvii #motion sickness #war of the roses #white rose #whiterose #whiteknight #white knight #lancaster #ruby rose x jaune arc x weiss schnee

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inisemuatimosss · 4 years

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Alec Hardy X Reader? Yes.

Alec hasn't come home yet.

I glance at the clock hung on the wall. 1 in the morning, yet my eyes are pretty active now. I run myself a quick shower before putting on a loose sleep dress. He usually comes home at 12, but perhaps he has to deal with the paperwork of his recent homicide case.

I wonder if he had his dinner.

I lie down on the couch, attempting to read a magazine with the help of nothing but a candle. The scent of vanilla fills the atmosphere. It’s familiar yet it’s saddening. It’s his favorite scent. I miss his presence in my arms. When we used to spend time together. When nothing could be wrong.

When nothing actually takes him away from my arms.

But, hey, I can’t really complain, can I? He’s a detective inspector. He’s busy. I should be glad he hasn’t committed suicide on the tough case. And I need to make sure he will never.

I just realized how cold the air is. I tuck my feet under the cushions, a weak and silly attempt to keep myself warm. At least for my feet to be warm. The magazine was left untouched. It bores me.

The door clicks as I look up. Alec walks in, looking tired and miserable as usual. He hangs his jacket and takes off his shoes. I've seen him more scruffy before, yet looking at the loose necktie and messy locks is enough to make me feel sympathy.

"Welcome home, dear," I smile as he walks towards me, his eyes too worn out to even open fully. Alec slumps on the couch as he shifts a bit to hover me, his head buried in my chest. I enjoy his embrace. Poor thing, he must've been overworking again.

"How was work?" I ask, rubbing circles against his back. He mumbles out incoherent protestations. He's really tired. Being a detective isn't easy, I know.

It took me a moment to realize he's been holding back the tears. Droplets of clear liquid fall on my chest as Alec's breathing turns ragged. It was shocking, considering I've never seen him shed a single drop before. However, I guess even the most grumpy cop has a soft side, and sometimes it's been pent up that he needs someone to listen to him. I run my hands through his hair and take off his glasses, setting it on the coffee table. I peck his scalp, whispering comforting words.

"Shh, shh, you're alright, Alec," he wraps his arms around my ribs, hiding his face and sobbing. It hurts to see him like this. I hug him tighter. "You're in my arms, nothing can bother you now. You're safe," I whisper softly. After about 5 minutes, he went limp in my embrace, snoring tiredly. I chuckle and give him a kiss on the head. I won't allow him to work tomorrow. He deserves a rest, he's a human too.

Tomorrow is another day.

When I wake up, Alec is still in my arms, face buried in my neck. His hair tickles and his breathing is normal. The tears stain on his cheek makes me sad. Sometimes I need to remind him that he doesn't need to be afraid around me. And it's okay to cry. I kiss his cheek as he whines sleepily. "Good morning, sleepyhead. Tea or coffee?" I question, ruffling his brown locks.

Tea, of course. He dislikes coffee.

But not microwaved tea. I’m not letting him drink that gross stewed tea.

"Five more minutes, you're so warm..." Alec slurs, shifting so now he's resting on my chest, hugging my torso tightly. I giggle and pat his shoulders. His sleepy voice is so cute. "It's okay, I'm not going anywhere."

Neither of us speaks for a mere minute. I look down to see Alec already asleep, again, breathing softly. I coo to myself. We lay there on the couch, clinging to each other while enjoying the warmth radiating from our bodies.

Maybe I won't get up until noon.

#alec hardy #alec hardy x reader #broadchurch #broadchurch fanfiction #alec hardy imagine #di hardy #david tennant #alec hardy fanfic #ellie miller #ds miller #olivia colman #mark latimer #beth latimer #alec hardy fic #alec hardy fluff

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connorinabeanie · 4 years

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A slightly salty take on North and fandom

Disclaimer: Nothing in this post is meant as an attack on anyone. Fandom is subjective and you have the right to interpret media, form your own conclusions, and create whatever you want. These are my opinions about what I’ve seen, as well as my experiences in previous fandoms and the patterns I’ve seen play out over and over again. It’s okay to disagree with me, and it’s okay to have a respectful discussion in reblogs/comments! Just keep it civil. That out of the way…

North. She’s polarizing character in DBH; she tends to be loved or hated, and I’ll admit it: I didn’t like her at first either. I wanted to, but as I played through my first time I just couldn’t get past one of her traits in particular, which was that she was so convinced she was right; she blamed Markus for every mistake, refused to adapt her tactics or consider other methods, and seemed more driven by vengeance than anything else. So as much as I wanted to enjoy her character, I found her to be a poorly written “strong female character” archetype that fell flat in execution, as most characters of that type do.

Honestly, I think this is the reason most people who dislike North dislike her, at least consciously. They genuinely think she’s a terribly written character, and they’re not necessarily wrong. One playthrough on a standard route, with no extrapolation or extra consideration, combined with a lot of people getting the awkwardly forced romance (I actually avoided this, completely unknowingly, on my first playthrough) leads to a dislike of this character. That’s understandable! I would expect this from people who played the game once. But that’s where the problem comes in, for me.

People active in a fandom usually haven’t consumed the media they’re into just once. They usually don’t engage in surface-level interpretation, and they usually don’t lack context. But I find it hard to believe that so many of the opinions and interpretations regarding North could possibly come from people who have approached her character with an open mind and additional information, because just one major path divergence shows a completely different side to North’s character.

I’m talking, of course, about North’s leader route. When we see her in Markus’ role, leading instead of advising, her true motives come out: she loves her people and is willing to fight for them. She isn’t interested in playing nice with her oppressors, and why should she? There’s a whole discussion here about how oppressed people are judged for how nicely they fight for the rights they should already have, where there’s a ‘good’ way of protesting and a ‘bad’ way of doing it (which is, ironically and showing how tone-deaf Cage can be, supported in the narrative of DBH as well), but I won’t go into that in depth; other people have posted really good takes on this already. I’ll just mention it here and there where relevant.

Once of those relevant places is that, as I said, in North’s leader route she isn’t interested in peaceful protesting. And you know what? When I played this game the first time and had Markus, I had been peaceful up until Night of Soul, which is where North would be making her first major decision as a leader if you don’t have Markus. Yet when it came down to it I made the same decision with Markus that North makes on her own, because you know, as a Jewish woman, I wasn’t super interested in peacefully protesting at the gates of camps that were currently killing people. Playing nice hadn’t worked, and it was time to fight.

So maybe I’m in a different position that some others when it comes to interpreting North’s choices, and as I saw that she made the same choice that I did when playing Markus, I’m just… Not impressed that the fandom tendency to criticize this choice as warmongering, unreasonable, and a ‘betrayal’ of Markus’ peaceful actions (always assuming that Markus had been completely peaceful before, which is the way the story pushes on you, but certainly isn’t a given.) As far as I’m concerned, North is taking the action needed to save her people who are in danger right that instant, and humans don’t deserve a nice civil protest (and if I were in her position with Markus alive, I would be furious that he wanted to just sit and talk while people were dying.) They need to be stopped, and she’s going to stop them.

But it wasn’t just her choice in the church that brought me around to North’s side during her leader route, it was her behavior during Crossroads. Specifically, it was her behavior toward Connor, and how it contrasted with some of her actions earlier. So, going back a bit to Spare Parts, where the Jericrew goes on a mission to steal parts from the Cyberlife warehouses at the docks, and you run into John. North votes against taking him with them, citing that they can’t trust him and it’s too dangerous. Moving on a little, to Stratford Tower, if (or, more likely, ‘when’ since it’s pretty difficult to avoid) Simon is injured, North suggests shooting him. These are pretty harsh marks against her, because they seem needlessly ruthless, but are they really?

With John, the answer is maybe yes. But think about it from her perspective; they’ve never seen the ability Markus used, in turning an android deviant. So as far as North is concerned, John was a threat to them about two minutes earlier, and now wants to go with them? With no traumatic catalyst or trusted android vouching for and giving him the key to Jericho? To North John is a potential threat, a potential danger, and she has no reason to trust him. But as the story goes on, North never makes another objection to an android joining them in this way, because she knows they’re truly deviant. As soon as an android is deviant, they’re one of her people.

With Simon, the answer is probably no, because North is exactly right; if Simon lives, and Connor finds him, Connor finds Jericho. It’s that simple, and it’s not a rare series of events. North might be a little fast to jump on the option, because there’s a genuine argument to be made that it isn’t worth killing someone just because there’s a chance that something (even something very serious) might go wrong, but she clearly isn’t choosing this option because she wants it; she’s choosing this option because she thinks it’s the most guaranteed way to protect her people. It’s a difficult, ruthless decision to make, but it isn’t one made out of malice.

(It’s also worth noting that Simon suggests leaving North when she’s in danger in Crossroads, when the only people that would be at risk from saving her were Markus and Connor, and this happens whether or not North suggested killing Simon one the rooftop. Yet this choice is almost never criticized, because it comes from Simon, and I’ll get into that later.)

But with those particular attitudes from North out of the way, it’s interesting to see how she reacts to Connor in her leader route. North instantly shows concern for him, never blames him for the attack on Jericho, and—like Markus—tries to prevent him from going on his suicide mission to Cyberlife Tower. She’s kind and understanding, and it’s clear that she accepts Connor immediately as one of her people.

This is a place where I have some trouble with fandom interpretations of North and Connor’s relationship, specifically in terms of North being angry, cold, or extremely suspicious of Connor (a little suspicion, especially in a more ‘good end’ route where she has less direct interaction with Connor during the revolution, is reasonable; I’m talking about outright refusal to even consider accepting him.) It bothers me for two specific, and somewhat different reasons.

One is that it directly contradicts a theme of North’s history, which is that deviant androids are not their pasts. They’re not what they were before they woke up. The idea of North holding someone’s past, before they turned deviant, against them is just… I can’t imagine it. I can imagine her suspicion, as I mentioned before, until she's very sure Connor is truly deviant, but that seems very apparent to her right away in any route (I find it hard to believe she’d think he was faking deviancy after delivering the army to Markus.) Some concern or suspicion after finding out about the attempted hijacking makes sense, but the way I see it portrayed in fic is often jarring; it seems completely out of character for her to blame Connor for something like that, as opposed to being angry on his behalf, because North wants androids to be free (and, more deeply, she’s experience being used for something she never wanted.) She wants androids to have the chance to live, to become their own people, and to leave their pasts behind them. Why would she blame Connor for what he was made to do, whether before he was deviant or when Amanda tried to take control of him? It goes against everything North stands for, and that leads me to my second reason:

I think people choose this interpretation because it makes North a villain. Maybe it’s not an active conscious decision to do this (and in fact I doubt it usually is), but it reminds me very painfully of the trend in fandom of villainizing a character—especially a female character—in order to woobify a male character (and, often, get the female character out of the way of a ship) and I can’t help but see that here. It seems like a cheap, easy way to excuse other characters turning against North for her behavior, and therefore getting her out of the way as well as causing drama and conflict for the characters the writer really wants to focus on.

And that seems like a good segue into the big topic that people are gonna get mad about being called out on: misogyny. And even more specifically, misogyny when it comes to shipping.

I’m just gonna state this super clearly at the forefront: I have no problem with shipping whoever you want, whyever you want. I’m not personally into most ships for various reasons, but I do have some favorites (most of which other people aren’t into) and shipping is fun! Not everyone agrees on shipping, and that’s okay; not everyone has to like what you like, we can all still exist in harmony.

But that isn’t to say that people don’t engage in, for lack of a better word, ‘problematic’ behavior in their ships. As opposed to just going ‘hey, I like this, I’m gonna do it’, way too many people become obsessed with justifying their ship (and I think this comes from an underlying desire to ‘prove’ it’s canon or based in canon, as a way of making it seem more legitimate, which is a whole other topic I could rant about.) In the process of these justifications, and then often as a part of the fixation or obsession that some people develop about their ships/characters in their ships, any character or ship that ‘threatens’ someone’s favorite is a target that must be destroyed. And, in what I would say is arguably the vast majority of times, that threatening character is a canon female love interest.

Open bashing has (with good reason) gone out of fashion in fandom, so the way to get characters ‘out of the way‘ is to argue an unlikeable interpretation of them. I feel like this is what happens a lot of the time with North, and with the poor writing and flat portrayal of her character in the ‘good end’ route, it’s very easy for people to take the worst of her personality, say it’s canon, and then get rid of her. This is usually a bit side-eye worthy when it happens in any fandom, but it’s extra ridiculous in DBH for one very distinct reason:

North doesn’t have to be a love interest. As I mentioned before, when I first played through I never got the ‘lovers’ scene, because North said way back when Markus first met her that she didn’t want to talk about her past and so in the scene on the roof I just didn’t ask her (and I could write another whole discussion about how no means no and pressuring someone to tell you their past is NOT how to get a romantic option with them, but that’s an issue with another time.) The rest of the game progressed completely as normal, with the only changes being a lack of kissing options in a few later scenes. There’s no reason why fic writers can’t just choose this option for their fic’s canon, and move on.

And yet I can’t tell you how many times North is an obstacle that has to be overcome in order to get Markus with Simon or Connor (because let’s be real, North, Simon, and Connor are the only major ships for Markus even though Josh is RIGHT THERE, but again that’s another topic for another time.) It’s completely unnecessary, and yet there it is: North is this unreasonable, horrible person who is terrible to [insert love interest here] and Markus has to overcome this internal struggle to break free and be with [whoever] and truly be happy.

It’s such nonsense. It’s using this ‘undesirable’ female character as a source of drama and angst for this poor sad male character to have to deal with, as opposed to taking even a moment to treat the female character as a person who might have motivations, experiences, and emotions, and I’ve seen this over and over and over in every single fandom I’ve ever been in. This isn’t a North-specific thing, it’s a female character thing, and honestly if Kara’s storyline weren’t so separate from the fandom favorite shipping characters then I think the same thing would happen to her (as opposed to her existence just being entirely ignored.) This is such a pattern in fandom that I find it very difficult to believe this is a special case where it’s somehow legitimate.

One of those reasons is that the ‘justifications’ for disliking North tend to be complete double standards between North and whatever love interest the writer is going for, whether that’s Simon or Connor. With Connor, it’s extremely obvious; almost all of North’s negative traits are traits he has to some extent as well (ruthlessness, solving problems through violence, stubbornness,) but those traits are not only not usually treated negatively in Connor (and instead are depicted as justified and necessary in context, which I’m not saying they aren’t, but that it’s unfair to say that about him and not her) but often erased entirely, leading to the obnoxiously delicate, wilting flower version of Connor that shows up in so much fic. But again, an issue for another time.

For Simon, it’s less obvious because North and Simon are quite different, but not in opposite ways; North and Josh are opposites in many respects, but Simon is, in a sense, perpendicular to the line North and Josh are at opposite ends of. Simon doesn’t have particularly strong opinions about anything, just going with the flow and being supportive; his strongest opinions are about being cautious and not taking risks. Except, of course, for that scene I mentioned before, where he outright says they should just leave North to die. For such an overall bland character, that needlessly harsh moment stands out to me and I find it kind of amazing how it’s just completely ignored, often while holding it against North that she suggested shooting Simon on the roof.

So I guess the whole point of this rant is that I wish people would think more critically about North as a character, rather than a flat archetype, especially in the context of shipping. It’s cringey and painful to see blatant flanderizing of her character for the sole purpose of being ‘able’ to ship other characters together, whether to use her as an antagonist or just to get her out of the way, when it’s completely unnecessary to begin with. It’s also very obvious where someone’s priorities and biases lie when they’re happy to write North off but then obsess over other poorly written, bland, or even outright purposefully antagonistic characters that they deem somehow to have more potential and be more worthy of attention and character development.

Overall, there’s no requirement to like a character. It’s totally fine not to like a character. But double standards and needless demonizing of a character go far beyond not liking them, and it’s important to stop and think about why it might be happening. Is it always misogyny with North? No, I don’t think so, there are definitely people who don’t like her for her traits and that’s fine. But I think it’s very telling when someone who claims to dislike North for her personality and behavior then spends time in fan works purposefully making her a villain for the benefit of drama in their pet ship. It’s even more telling when someone who claims to dislike North for her personality and behavior, yet they celebrate the potential of characters that are canonically far worse (but who just so happen to be attractive men.) And, unfortunately, both of those situations coincide quite often with vocally disliking North, and there are only so many ways to interpret such a correlation.

#detroit become human #dbh north #my posts #I wanted to include screenshots but #I'm on a really terrible laptop and it was just not in the cards #so sorry for the wall of text #also writing this has just reminded me of how many other rants I want to go on #there's so much to talk about

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mystiika · 3 years

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peter pettigrew’s animagus form is a rat but what often goes unnoticed is that rats have more positive traits than they do negative & although he did turn on his best friend and ‘rat’ on him as the saying goes, there is so much more to him that comes from having a rat as his spirit animal/animal totem. sorry to burst your bubble jk but a rat animagus is actually pretty dope so smd.

any who, below the cut is a rather in depth explanation including quotes from a variety of sources & a few words to tie each quote with my personal portrayal of peter. it is long but it’s also more interesting that you might give it credit for.

when someone has a rat as their animal totem, the idea is that they are very happy & easy going. & although honest & frank, they are highly co-operative in group activities & are easy to get along with. it’s usually pretty obvious from the looks of them how they are feeling but even so, retain self-control. foresight is also popularly mentioned along with knowing how to use it successfully & beneficially. being cunning, shrewd & unafraid to defend themselves in any situation are characteristics as well as enjoying a challenge, being wise in the advice they give & often teach those around them to appreciate what is there. ( source )

to fit in with the other marauders he’d have to have been a social person. easy going people find other easy going people just as peter found james, sirius & remus. constructing & carrying out elaborate pranks is proof of how well he can work with others. each time he was mentioned in the series, he was also accompanied by adjectives that described his emotions. foresight I’ll get into later but as for cunning & shewd, it would only make sense. no one wants to be best friends with an idiot & someone who wasn’t clever to at least some degree wouldn’t have been able to make the quick retorted puns he had. being unafraid to defend themselves is where my opinion of peter differs. at least in my mind, his bravery depends entirely on the situation. if he were being attacked, it would be only natural to fight back as a natural survival instinct. however, if he were to be bullied to his academic intelligence, he would most definitely falter but in the end he would try to look unaffected. this in of itself shows bravery, but in no way shows his readiness to defend himself. make sense? enjoyment of challenges is also dependent on the challenges as well as whether or not he is able to succeed in them. in the end, peter just wants to prove himself as capable & would enjoy overcoming a challenge of intelligence to show that he is in fact, somewhat clever. when it comes to advice giving, it is also depended on the situation but considering how watchful he is and how easily he notices things, he tends to have a better understanding of the situation than others might. this in no way relates to his ability to talk to women, for that, he is most definitely not the one to talk to. finally, there is being appreciative of what is around them. peter is most definitely resourceful & I have already said & i quote ❝ as a child, his mother always told him to appreciate the little things in life because those are often the most fragile & the quickest to disappear. ❞ this is of course my personal headcanon but like I said at the top of this post, this is all about my portrayal.

some more associations for rat ( and from the same source as the information above ) & i’ve bolded the ones i associate most with peter:

abundant reproduction

strength

adaptability

ability to live unseen

success drive

resourcefulness

stealth

letting go

defense

intelligence

symbol of fertility & wealth

foresight

❝ the rat has a bad image in most western countries. We see it as something to be feared or reviled and if you see a rat in your back garden you immediately start thinking of how to get rid of it. Yet many other countries see the rat as something completely different and in the orient it is seen as part of their astrological parade and something to be respected .❞

( quote source was spiritualliving360.com talking about rat as an animal totem but the website has since gone down )

generally speaking, there’s a good side to everything & i cannot stress enough that bad decisions do not make a bad person. yes peter did awful things but he also had reasons for doing them & at the time of making said bad decisions, & saw no other way ( though whether or not that was true is up for debate ).

❝ the rat will also show you lessons about foresight. ever heard of the phrase ❛ rats leaving a sinking ship❜? they leave because they can see what is coming & will always choose the path that leads to survival. mix this with the rat’s natural cunning & you will have the perfect blend for survival in all realms .❞ ( source: spiritualliving360 )

now is when I’ll get into foresight. Peter is a survivor. This is proven time and time again. He, like the rat, can adapt to an abundance of situations where others might not be able to. Staying alive and well is a basic instinct and is why the human race has done as well as it has. He can tell when there is a bad situation approaching and comes up with his best chance at surviving it.

❝ on the negative side the rat totem can bring restless & nervousness of completely new situations. they also bring the urge to horde material wealth because they fear to have to little. ❞ ( source: spiritualliving360 )

don’t restless & nervous sound like fitting adjectives for peter? he doesn’t like new situations because he doesn’t know how to deal with them. sure, he’s resourceful & can come up with the best way out of a given situation but that doesn’t mean he won’t be agitated during it. additionally, Peter fears that he isn’t enough and so, he sometimes tries to compensate with material gain.

❝ holding onto everything & being the pack rat is their way of feeling secure in an insecure world. fortunately rats adapt well to environmental changes & can survive on just about anything. they hold the teachings of resourcefulness. their fear of not being provided for can be healed by participating in supportive group activities, meditation & prayer. ❞ ( source )

now, the first bit doesn’t need any explanation but I’d really like to zero in on that second part. ❝ their fear of not being provided for can be healed by participating in supportive group activities, meditation & prayer. ❞ peter is afraid of so many things & being a part of such a tight knit group as the marauders, has helped him so much. had he been taken away from his only support at hogwarts ( seeing as most every one thought he was a foolish dimwit — teachers included ), who knows how much worse off he’d have been. i hate to say it & I apologise if this is upsetting or triggering to anyone but i personally feel that he would have only been able to take so much cruelty & attacks to his mental health before he would have gone into a state of depression & possibly become suicidal. he already doesn’t think he’s good enough & that’s within the confines of a supporting friendship.

❝ they do hoard, but they are generous with their stash to other rats in need, often bringing bits of food to sick or weakened rats in their clan. they also are pack animals & very affectionate, taking care to groom each other’s fur & teeth. they are amazing problem solvers, also. in fact, i would say that this is their dominant trait. ❞ ( source )

now, this is my personal opinion but i’d like to think he always did anything & everything within his power to help james, sirius & remus with anything he could. he wanted to be helpful, he wanted to feel needed & like he had a purpose. he cared very much for them & the same held true for them. being amazing problem solvers i also stand by one hundred percent. i think this goes hand in hand with being resourceful & most definitely came in handy when planning pranks. when a problem arose with their plans, peter would come up with a solution in no time flat.

❝ rats are very social creatures. ❞ ( no source because this is written everywhere )

again, i don’t think this needs much of an explanation. peter depends on his three best friends more than anyone else in the entire world. he is desperate for their approval & affections & if he were denied this, i’m not sure how badly it would effect him but i can say with conviction that the end result would be disastrous.

❝ there are many common misconceptions when it comes to the rat. generally they are thought of as dirty creatures that carry disease. this is an unfair characterisation. rats are extremely cleanly, & while they do occasionally carry disease, it is very rare. ❞ ( source was spiracanada.com which has since gone down )

this is less about peter and more about how I feel jkr took him & made him 2 dimensional. through out the series, peter is mainly referred to as wormtail while everyone else is referred to by their names, either first or last. & i don’t mean in dialogue, i mean in narration. there is no, peter pettigrew: the marauder, the friend, the trusted member of the order. there is only wormtail, the betrayer, the murderer, & the fool. subconsciously, when we see ❛ wormtail ❜, we think of his animagus form, the rat. we think of the negative connotation: the disgusting creature associated with disease, uncleanliness, & the expression ❛ to rat on someone ❜. it’s what voldemort called him & surely a name as vile as that belongs to a man deserving of one.

WRONG! it started off as a simple nickname between friends, remember? a joke about how his animagus tail looks like a worm. that’s it. it was just the result of a group of fifteen year old boys goofing around & doing illegal things. in their minds it was never meant to be cruel or disgusting, it was teasing, friendly, & a name for a good friend that would break the law just to help put another friend at ease. so often we think of a rat with a negative connotation & the entire point of this post is to remind you that the negative connotation isn’t the only one out there & is certainly far less truthful.

❝ a rat totem will surround himself with a group of loyal & devoted friends. with them he shares the finer things in life & will often go to great ends to keep them happy & comfortable. any that he ( or she ) perceives to be outside his social circle, he could care less about. further to this, he will destroy fine things rather than see them go to the enjoyment of those outside his circle. he would rather throw out a plate of fine food than give it to someone he doesn't know. it paints a selfish picture of the rat totem, but this is not quite accurate. it’s not selfishness per se, but purposeful wastefulness & destruction. it is a show of wealth & importance that you can afford to waste & destroy so many fine things. one might think that a rat totem could only be this way if he or she were wealthy. This is not true, though, as the rat totem is truly adaptable. he or she will always find something that can be considered exquisite even in the grimmest of circumstances. in love, the rat totem will likely pick his mates from within his circle of friends. this can be good & bad. it is good as he or she is generally friends first, & this makes for a stable base for a relationship. it is bad, as … when he tires of one relationship, he will move on to the next… & the next will most likely be from the same circle of friends. this behaviour tends to destroy groups of friends in much the same way a rat totem destroys fine things. its no big deal for the rat totem as he can always gain a newer circle of friends, but those left in the wake often feel in tatters when the rat totem uses them this way …. careers that are social & involve the rats’s inate sense of finding valuable things are good…. also careers that involved their gifts for jumping, climbing, swimming, & stealth are good. they would make excellent reconnaissance soldiers in wartime, they would make fine spies, & superb thieves as well. ❞ ( source: spiracanada )

tbh i don’t think this bit needs any explaining except the bit about picking mates from within their circle. now, peter’s circle didn’t end at the other marauders. being their best friend, he was constantly grouped with their other friends; all of these people were part of his circle of friends. popular fanon choices seem to be lily evans, marlene mckinnon, mary macdonald, the prewetts, a couple of other’s that i won’t bother naming. i’ve also been developing the idea that peter is actually demisexual. what this means is physical attraction is only present when a strong emotional bond has been formed. the concept fits in rather perfectly with canon, fanon, & my personal perceptions in this case. his lack of enthusiasm for pursuing girls at the school can be partially explained, leaving all of the girl chasing & charming to james & sirius & remus to some small extent. the idea also supports peter & any of the other marauders in a romantic relationship if that floats your boat.

❝ rats are social animals that are highly adaptable & expert survivalists. they drive for success maybe too hard or not hard enough, if restless with others it helps to become more adaptable to them & the situations. rat medicine will teach how to be resourceful in the midst of environmental & emotional changes. he will give strength & trust in the process of current changes & lend security in overcoming worldly ideals. have you accumulated too much mental & emotional baggage? rat will aid in examining what is not needed any longer and allow truth to come forth in the midst of worldly illusions. is it time to let go of thoughts, ideals, perceptions or people & places? rat medicine will instil self assurance & transform fear into abundance. there is much wisdom in how rat moves, watches & listens. ❞ ( source )

social & survivalists. considering how many times those two things have been mentioned in one way or another, i won’t relate it to peter again. now, the drive for success is very much so relevant & unspoken of. peter ( & this is getting back to my personal portrayal again ) suffers from undiagnosed dysgraphia. for what that means, i wrote up a headcanon over here. he’s constantly underestimated mentally and told he's unintelligent in one way or another but this doesn’t diminish his drive for success. oppositely so, it pushes him to work harder & harder academically in the hopes of proving everyone wrong.the same can be said of him wanting to become an animagus.

❝ it takes skill, practice, & patience for wizards & witches to become animagi. the process of becoming an animagus is long & arduous, & has the potential to backfire & cause the transformation to go horribly wrong. ❞ ( source )

say what you will about peter pettigrew but he is nothing short of ambitious. he used skills that most did not know he possessed & became an animagus which apparently only very powerful witches & wizards can do. forgive me on the lack of source but i can’t remember where i heard that particular line from. regardless, it seems fitting, no?

❝ …and there have only been seven animagi this century… ❞ ~ hermione in PoA p. 257

it is not easy to complete this task for fully grown witches & wizards let alone 3 thirteen year olds boys. this is sort of sidetracking but it’s my personal headcanon that sirius & james both completed their transformations in their fourth year & it was peter alone that finished in his fifth year.

❝ ‘it took them the best part of three years to work out how to do it. your father & sirius here were the cleverest students in the school, & lucky they were, because the ministry keeps a close watch on those attempting to do it. peter needed all the help he could get from james & sirius. finally, in our fifth year, they managed it. they could each turn into a different animal at will.’ ❞ ~remus in PoA p. 259

although he struggled & required enormous amounts of help from the other two, he did manage it successfully. as a fifteen year old boy, he was able to become an animagus & did so solely for the purpose of helping one of his best friends. i think that says a lot about the type of person peter pettigrew really was.

anyway, i’ve finished now so if you actually read all that, good on you. keep on keeping on, friend, & i hope you become a proud member of the peter pettigrew defense brigade because he is so much more than what most people believe him to be. he’s more than just a hated plot device. he’s a person, not just a rat.

#peter pettigrew #❘❙❚ ┊ p. pettigrew. character study ➳ ❛ be not afraid of growing slowly be afraid only of standing still ❜#❘❙❚ ┊ metas ➳ ❛ the gap between understanding & misunderstanding can best be bridged by thought ❜

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ecto-american · 4 years

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I think Ember’s entire self would have fit really well as being a deceased Kpop idol. Not just in terms of who she is as a character and it giving her more depth and personality that already matches her canon, but also give great social commentary on how toxic the music industry, especially Korea's, can be.

More detail explaining this under the cut.

Firstly a disclaimer: I was an absolute Kpop weeb in my high school years. I knew all the bands and dances and stuff, and thus I was somewhat exposed to the culture of Kpop. Since then, I kind of have gone back and done some researched and watched documentaries and the like (because I am a big sociology nerd), but I'm not that deeply invested in Kpop anymore. But this is a thought I've had for a long time, ever since I first began to hear some of the problems surrounding Kpop idols and such.

I also want to point out that I am not saying that Ember within canon is a deceased Kpop star. She clearly isn't, and I'm not trying to make a case as to why she is given canon evidence. I'm writing this because I really like this interpretation a lot better than what canon gave us. In my own personal headcanons and worldbuilding and rewrite fanfiction, Ember is a deceased Kpop star.

We got that squared away? Coolio. Let's start.

Now that “preface” or whatever is out of the way, I really want to begin this by giving some background on Korean pop, specifically the industry and the culture surrounding it, for those who don't know. This is going to give some much needed and important context behind what I'm about to say about Ember. I will also be providing as many sources as I can to this section, but a lot of this is really easy to find on google as well.

In Korea, to be a pop star: you basically have to be perfect. In your dance, music, appearance, your entire image is now basically the property of your manager. Plastic surgery is a massive deal in South Korea, and it's partly due to this.

When you get your contact, you basically have to go through a bootcamp, which involves: Limited contact with family and friends, dropping any romantic relationships or behaviors that would be deemed unwholesome (many companies even go as far as forbidding relationships so that fans can better “see” themselves as being with the idol, which increases sales), brutal training schedules and everything you do is so heavily monitored by your bosses. This has lead to many Kpop idols (especially women) to be dangerously underweight or to have eating disorders, 15 hour training days day after day, being fired for being in a relationship outside of their company's approval/against contract. It's caused literal deaths and mental breakdowns.

Of course, America has the eating disorder problem too, and long work days. But please take in mind: management in Korea actively pushes for these eating disorders and are almost applauded publicly for keeping their stars thin, while in America, it becomes an absolute scandal. And yes, America has long work days too, but in comparison to Korea, American musicians basically only release a single or two in a year, and an album about every three years or so. On average. Kpop groups are pressured to release one or two albums every year on top of regular singles. If you youtube Korean pop shows, there's so many examples of stars collapsing on stage due to exhaustion and hunger. And most of the time, they're forced to get back up and continue, compared to America where they're normally “hey show over”. There are some Americans who will go through with it, but it's normally stars who are determined to finish in spite. It's not a push by your boss to finish or be fired and blacklisted from the industry.

Kpop idols are often broke as fuck, so there’s not even that as compensations. Many literally don't get most of the proceeds from their music. Their contracts are often compared to being slave contracts by stars. One Kpop star even said that she and her group had to split one meal whenever they were on tour because they were in such poverty. Oh, a rising group, right? NO. It was one of the biggest fucking Kpop girl groups of the time, Stellar! But even if they were a brand spanking new group, what the fuck.

And why don't they leave? Because they wanna be famous and make music. It’s just that unfortunately, it’s a very saturated industry because the agencies literally just crank out so many idol groups every single year, thus leading to absolutely brutal competition. People are regularly rotated out and replaced within groups. Idol groups are regularly formed or disbanded There's lots of weekly programs and music competitions to see who's the best of the best. You're constantly ranked. You're constantly fighting for the top spot. Lots of Kpop idols have to really fight to get their name remembered or known. The best of the best get reknown internationally.

Okay I'm done with the background now, lol. But you get the jist! The Kpop industry is fucking brutal and needs a good social change. Though now that I've laid out a lot of this, you can kind of get the sense as to where I'm going with this.

Based on every appearance Ember has in the show, we can deduce two things: She hates adults and wants to be remembered.

What are two major problems within Kpop industries? Adults controlling these really young adults (normally freshly 18) trying to break into the industry that's hard to make a truly lasting impression on, that's trying to be remembered.

Ember, if we take her canonical song and the background information provided by interviews, is meant to have died in a fire after being stood up. But I think that she would much better fit as a character who died from the intense social, physical and mental pressures of being a Kpop star. Perhaps a Kpop star that was left forgotten in the crowd of idols, whether it's dying in an accident or suicide.

It’s just me, but I really personally don’t like the canon that she died in a fire because of a boy. It’s just really weak imo, and idk. I don’t like backstories based around a romantic interest like that, especially when it’s so bland. Ember is a fucking dead musician and rock star within canon, and that’s the best you can come up with? She died in a damn fire after a boy stood her up? No mentions that she was into music or something?

Of course, she likely wasn’t famous she died. She likely rose to fame post her death, but that’s still just really? Kind of a headscratcher in a sense? Ember deserves more. The given backstory of her death is literally so? Random imo? Given who she is in death? Unless her entire thing is about how she changed so much in death for a guy, which is kinda Hmm for me. But that’s most of canon lmao.

I feel like this Kpop idol angle would have been a much stronger backstory potential for her. It could paint her as this really hardworking idol, this incredibly talented musician and vocalist who just couldn't make the cut. Maybe she got fired for loving another idol. Perhaps she just wasn't up to the brutal industry standards of being a Kpop idol. It’s a backstory that clearly incorporates her musical talents within her life, and kind of gives her death more of an impact, that gives her more character depth. Whether she’s a perfectionist because of this or has such strong self esteem issues due to the pressures she experienced in life. All of this motivating her to work solely towards her goal, or making her realize that she just really wants to have a more relaxed life and do things like date freely and enjoy the peace and privacy she now likely can have.

Ember's powers would fit really well with this Kpop backstory too She can hypnotize people. Besides Kpop kind of literally hypnotizing a lot of people, it could be shown as a legitimate skill of hers, or something she gained in death as she hoped that she could truly charm an audience into remembering her. She wants to be remembered within canon. No matter the cost or sacrifice. The same kind of sacrifice and price many Kpop idols are forced to make and pay.

It gives her stronger motivations other than just being famous for the sake of being famous or to possibly get that one boy’s attention (? It really depends on your personal take). She wants to be famous to prove herself to a company that worked her to literal death or that basically rejected her, or as a personal dream finally achieved. She now has the power to destroy the adults that likely exploited her as slave labor that maybe made her die in poverty or after being another abuse victim.

To me, it’d help pack a better emotional punch and reasoning as to why she does what she does. Fame has much more meaning to her, it’s personal, losing it again would devastate her. At the end of Fanning the Flames, can you imagine how hysterical she might be if the entire sequence was an unintentional repeat of the events that lead her to her death? Why she’s so specifically disgruntled against adults other than the typical “teenage rebellion” to the point of turning them into slaves in Pirate Radio (which is? fucking wack considering how much better it’d be to use something else). Turning them into slaves just like they would have done to her for years, especially since it’s on exercise equipment. It’d bring personal satisfaction to possibly watch them run or bike or work out until they literally collapse like she might have done before. Then forced back on and continue. Hell, you can even explain as to why she kept her relationship with Skulker an apparent secret: she’s used to have to hiding a boyfriend or risk losing everything.

I would have loved to see her being used as a good social commentary on that industry specifically, but also as a hot take for the abuse that just happens in general too much within the music (and many other fame based industries).

If we're going by canon show airing date, Ember would have popped up right around the time Kpop was really making it's mark on American culture. America got really into Kpop in the mid-2000s and, as you can tell by BTS's popularity, is still going really strong. There's even an entire Wikipedia page about it, the Korean Wave. Whether you want to “modernize” DP or keep it in it's canon air date roots, this would still be a relevant possibility no matter where you personally like DP to fall on the IRL timeline.

While many Kpop stars are in groups, given her possible circumstances, she likely broke off to be a solo artist. If you've ever seen Kpop idol fashion, they're also very colorful! Very fashionable and interesting, and it'd be really cool to see more of that kind of fashion for her. The dances are very good too, well choreographed, and it'd just lead to really interesting possibilities as to how she looks and behaves on her stage.

I dunno man, I just feel like this is a really cool take. My personal take tbh, and I just think more people should think about deceased Kpop idol Ember.

#nick talks #headcanons #hcs #ember mclain

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madou-dilou · 4 years

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Why The Dragon Prince Season 3 messed up

SO I pRoMiSed YoU aN EssAY about why the third season of The Dragon Prince disappointed me, and as I'm arrogant enough to assume that you are interested in my opinion, I post it here. ;)

*rolling drums*

King Harrow sums up the conflict as a narrative of endless vengeance, wrongs on both sides, that had to be redeemed whatever the cost.When the Dragang finds the egg, they think about the peace that could come.

But when Rayla shows it to Runaan, he tries to kill her, then goes to murder Harrow. He learnt nothing from what happened and is just trapped into that eye-for-eye scheme. At this point, Runaan represents not only Xadia's ideology, but also the whole world scheme. The world is blinded by this narrative of revenge, so blinded that they refuse to considerate peace even at the cost of relatives -and yes, I’m including Viren if “the world”. So there's no guarantee that returning that egg will stop the war, especially that, as far as we know, it was the queen of the dragons herself who ordered this assassination mission.

And Xadians don't stop there. They seem to work actively on kindle the fire. Elves are gathering at the Breach and attack human fortresses. And, just watch the episode where Soren attacks a dragon. Yes, Soren attacked first. But that dragon was flying over the city for days, fully aware of tensions, fully aware that humans were on their nerves after the kingslaying. If he just meant to afraid the people, he could just have left after dodging Soren's arrow; or simply destroy the tower, then leave. But he doesn't. Instead, he destroys the tower, then almost reduces the city to ashes, with the people still inside. When Callum finds out about it, he first doesn't understand why Rayla wants to save this dragon; but she explains him about the narrative of vengeance, that someone has to do something to break the cycle, even if she has to die for it. But she doesn't totally succeed and humans try to kill her, and the dragon gravely hurts a few of them before finally leaving. Even if, unlike Runaan, that dragon finally understood the hope the Dragon Prince was representing for the world (or perhaps he just flew away to warn Queen Zubeia), this doesn't erase the fact that he burnt down a whole city for no reason.

And Viren knows about that. Elves and dragons have exiled humans because they found a way to stop being considered as lesser beings who deserved nothing more than starvation. A quite unethical way, yes, but Elves could just give humans a bunch of Primal Stones if they wanted them to stop Dark Magic. No, instead, the Elves and Dragons exiled a whole people on sterile lands, Trade of Tears/Grapes of Wrath style, then ruthlessly killed all those who dare to pass nearby the border. Maybe the elves see it as a guarantee, a shield which prevent humans from doing unethical things. But to humans, that's just a knife over their throat. When they manage to get rid of that knife, elves and dragons just declare war on them, fully aware that they won't be able to defend.

Viren sees himself as the Jon Snow of the story, he wants to prevent a genocide, but no one is listening to him because they don't feel directly threatened. And the elves, in my opinion, had no intention of attacking the four other kingdoms, since their kings took no action against them (not even Duren). But if we set in Viren's shoes (Viren who saw his friends dying right before his powerlessness because of those damned critches), his point of view makes sense. He is also trapped into an eye-for-an-eye mindset -after all he is the one who murdered Thunder to avenge Sarai, and he is also trapped in a "protect my people whatever it takes." Just as the elves.

“That’s horrible, Viren.” “We have no choice.” “Story of your life in two sentences bro”

The heroes' job is to stop this, to break the wheel. To save lives from both sides -but more from the human side, given how Harrow qualifies this conflict "unwinnable war".**The thing is, in season three, the heroes didn't stop the war.**Well, effectively they did, but because they chose a side over the other. That was quite an easy choice to them, for their enemies were no more humans but soulless monsters. But that's exactly where the problem is.

The narrative brutally decided to caricature the conflict into a good VS bad framing :

Magic creatures are actually super friendly with humans!

“Team Daenerys 4ever”

"Trees to meet you Callum! Yes I know, I was fully OK with my husband and daughter going into a suicide-squad to murder your father and brother, but no, I don't hate you, I think you are a wonderful person and that the world needs to hear a message of peace!" And the human army meets absolutely no resistance from the Xadians, that’s a proof Xadians were absolutely not hostile and humans are mean, racist, awful warmongers invading a land of peaceful rainbowed creatures! And the Dragon Queen is super happy about her baby's return and peace's arrival, so happy that she completely forgets -and so as the characters, that SHE sent those assassins over Harrow, and that her husband spent his whole life killing humans. And of course, the cast, including Soren, totally forgot about that dragon who burnt a whole city down, because dragons are, I guess, way more badass and cool than mere humans...

Viren stops thinking and being sorry about his actions.

“No son, I don’t, I was too busy looking like a random bad-guy and admiring a sexy starry butt”

You might say, it's because he now acts instead of just talking. But just look his attitude when Amaya confronts him back in season 1. He's mad about her insinuating he murdered Harrow and even proposes the throne to her because she is the only one apart from himself, who cares about the elves and dragons. When Claudia asks him about Soren's life, he takes a while before responding, and doing so, his face is definitely not some Ozai's one. Or when he steals the king's stamp. He hears the screaming from the fight -he is traumatized by the elves and dragons. He looks at the family portrait, the family that was destroyed partly because of him, and definitely, has deeply sorrowful features on his face, while no one can see him, so there's no one in front of whom to pretend anything. And this isn't the only example of th- What? Season three? hahaha! no, he's definitely not sorry about imprisoning Ezran and shouting to Soren that his life didn't matter the slightest!

Even if he was quite desperate when he was in jail, because he thought humanity was just doomed, this just doesn’t fit...

Oh, and he lost his brain when he gained the crown, and that was totally ridiculous and out-of-character. I mean, given the little we see from Harrow's reign, it was Viren who just handled the whole kingdom for ten years. The cunning king's shadow, who always had a back-up plan to fix Harrow's stupidity thanks to his knowledge, inventiveness, eloquence; the guy who raised Claudia; this guy is now unable to utter a single idea of his own because of a sexy elf’s butt and voice who gives him some validation? Haha. I don't believe it for a second.

And not to mention how kiling him just solved the entire conflict, like he was the one who caused it in the first place. He murdered Thunder and Azymondias and gathered an army to make his crusade, yes. But he acts this way because there already were massive thousands-years-long tensions before. Viren was a product of those tensions, not the direct cause.

But then I suppose it was so much simpler to have a random Iago/Claudius/Richard III/Scar/Jafar/Rasputin/Melissandre...

Oh, speaking of questionable using of fire.

The Cinder-heart soldiers.

“DRACARYS !!”

When people talk about Dark Magic, they describe it as a shortcut, an easy way, a magic problem-solver that gives a far too proper way to determine what's right and wrong, who has the right to live and who hasn't. Well, with the Cinder heart soldiers, writers do exactly the same. They don't use Dark Magic to address ethic issues as in season 1 and 2, here they use Dark Magic to give the viewer something to thrill about, to draw a neat, clear, proper, defined line between what's right and what's wrong. With those humans turned into soulless monsters, you can say that the elves are right to defend themselves because those monsters are stronger than they are; but you can also say that killing them isn’t such a big deal since they have no soul. Of course, that can be used as a tool to point Viren’s fucked up morality, to point that the greater-good mentality can lead to atrocities. But that just doesn’t work. If they wanted to sum up the absurdity of war, writers could have left the soldiers as they were: humans who think they’re doing the right thing but only lead to disaster.

By making these monsters of those soldiers, by making them Viren’s puppets, by making them extensions of Viren’s will and power, writers frame Viren as the big bad guy who’s fault is everything and who’s death will resolve all the conflict (pretty much how killing the Night King solved the ten-years awaited winter in two seconds).

And if I remember quite well, as illogical, rushed, nonsense, stupid, badly explained and outrageous king Ezran’s abdication was (GOD, that was SO STUPID. Ezran is Harrow's son, no doubts), his goal was to save lives. But at the final battle, he happily jumps over a dragon’s back to burn those exactly same lives down -even far more numerous than the ones he pretended to save His sorrowful look on a single frame is clearly not enough to make me believe he’s sorry. He never addresses or criticizes or points the fact that those creatures were humans, while he is supposed to be the main character of a show about ethics, and while Viren shows doubts several times and justifies his actions which he knows are awful. Kantian Queen Sarai did a whole vegan argument about how killing apparently soulless creatures wasn’t a way to solve problems, and she was presented as right in the long term. Kantian-Rawlian King Harrow rathered die that letting one soldier take his place (but he was bad at math so he didn’t realize how putting 200 guards between himself and invincible assassins threw his calculation down, but that’s another matter.)

“DRACARYS YEEPEEEEE”

Then their son, the main character, the one who gave up his crown to save a few lives, the one who is supposed to carry the whole breaking-the-infernal-wheel thing, this character doesn’t even blink at the thought of lighting a giant pyre out of those people, Daenerys style. And who could blame him? How could anyone blame him? Those weren’t humans anymore. Those were a bunch of soulless monsters who were running at him to slaughter his friends and family. I don't blame Ezran for killing those. I blame the series for making those and not pulling a question out of it. Do you understand what I mean? The Dragon Prince was about ending an absurd conflict where both sides were wrong but had reasons to fight. But turning a whole side into mindless monsters (including Viren and Claudia, one being blinded by power and a sexy elf’s butt, and the other blinded by her love for her father) just threw that speech away. And not to mentions how their deaths are treated on a comic and cheerful mode (I definitely hate this baker).

Did I say “A whole side ?” Oh, sorry. My bad. I kind of forgot about someone.

“A Mary-Sue is never late. Nor early. She only arrives when she was meant to.”

How everyone who ever sided against Viren for whatever reason is automatically a good-guy. Callum, Ezran, Soren, Opeli, Amaya, Aanya, Corvus, Gren, the baker (this DAMNED BAKER !!!) … I mean. When Viren came at the other royals asking them for help to avoid bloodshed, queen Aanya said “I won't send my army to face an unknown danger basing myself on a two-minutes speech!”. Very well, she doesn’t want to risk her people’s life because just one single kingdom messed up. That’s not her problem. I fully understand her choice here (even if she could at least enforce defences because Viren’s arguments were pretty valid). But when Opeli comes at her with pretty similar arguments “We need your army to avoid bloodshed”, she just accepts. Of course, we could explain her choice by strategic issues about how taking down three human armies all at once alongside with the magic army just makes her the most powerful human queen ever, even if that outcome was very unlikely given how unbalanced was the scale (I maintain it, how can mere arrows kill a magma berserk ? and even if she was relying on surprise, Viren's army clearly outnumbers gOoD gUyS's, as it was said several times)... But the season doesn’t address those strategic issues. Instead, queen Aanya just seems like Mary-Sue, like some low-cost Gandalf who has no other reason for being here except helping the good-guys against the oh-so-bad Viren. And as you know, good guys are, by essence, not interested in power (tHeY dOn’T wAnT iT)… So she goes to war right when the narrative is okay and when it helps the heroes. And of course, she arrives right when she is needed, even if, to quote Kronk, “by all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense”. (Kronk, who has the same French voice actor as Viren btw).

And about Ezran... even the series says that Viren was right on this point : having a world-war resting on a eight years old king's shoulders is the worst idea ever. Even if this kid has best intentions ever, no one can take him seriously. Not Kaseef, who's father was just slain. Not Saleem. Not even Opeli -whom "you should have someone you can trust to rule this kingdom, someone capable, strong, dignified, loyal, lawful" scene seemed like the most unsubtle manipulation ever, and should have foreshadowed some nuance or lust for power into her.

And about General Amaya…

“I don’t know why I hate him, but he is so dangerous, so evil, and I hate him so much than I’ll side with the people who murdered my sister and drink my nephew’s blood !!”

Of course, there is only one single guy in the whole human realm who deserves to be called arrogant and rotten to the core. Of course, he is so dangerous, evil and bad-intentioned that she just gets alongside the army she’s been fighting her whole life along, the army whom she believes drink human blood and the army who killed her sister. I mean, even if she distrusts Viren because of how her sister died and how Harrow’s assassination benefits him, don’t forget that she is a human and that Viren is working to defeat elves, just as herself. I’m not saying she’s some awful traitor to her blood or anything, but just that she took her decision far too quickly, and that this decision was far too brutal, too defined, for to be credible for the viewer. But, guess what? She opposed to Viren once! That means she is a good girl, and that everything she does is the right thing, even if she has no reason to do so. And don't make me launched about Opeli...

So, the result of it: it gives the impression that the Sunfire Ordeal of Light was right. Elves aren’t wrong, elves are never wrong because they just have an unmistakable detector for right and wrong. The proof is, it found Amaya to be good and Viren being bad! Because Dark Magic is so bad, you know (sorry to the 100 000 of lives who Viren saved with that magic).

“You thought you were allowed to be a morally grey antagonist in a kids show? Haha, how bold of you, you fool !”

And of course, no important character dies amongst the “good-guys” side. Also on the bad side actually apart from Kaseef (whom treatment by the narrative was just disgusting), but Viren died before being brought back and Claudia was traumatized for life. The good guys? Oh, thanks for asking. All of them are well and safe because they brought peace by crushing that oh-so-bad Viren and his oh-so-evil-and-soulless army. Ezran and Aanya butchered hundreds of thousands of people by fire and arrows, and Viren died without Callum trying anything to save him, but I guess that was the right thing to do to prove the narrative of love and forgiveness. <3

“Bye-bye oncle Scar”

And, on the top of that, the icing on the cake, the cherry on the top, "la cerise sur le gâteau" : getting Azymondias back to his mom just solved the entire conflict in one second.

I know the purpose was about stopping the war. But there, the series didn’t stop the war. The series chose a side and forgets about everything that was established in the first two seasons about the complexity and absurdity of war. The series just threw its whole own speech away by ridiculizing Viren, depicting elves and dragons as nothing but kind and gentle, defining a straight line between magic goodies and soulless baddies, and having a thousand years-long conflict resolved in a few seconds.

Do you remember when Harrow described this conflict as “not so simple”, as a thousand years-long conflict where both sides were so filled with hatred to each other that peace was nothing but a naive child dream? Do you remember when Runaan tried to murder his adoptive daughter when she tried to explain that peace was possible? Do you remember when that red dragon burnt down a whole city for no reason? That's a shame because the series doesn’t <3

And that can be explained very simply: NOT ENOUGH EPISODES. If only Netflix agreed to change the format, this series could have obliterated Avatar The Last Airbender or the Alabasta Arc from One Piece (which has a similar plot, but with some bad guys into it from the very start, and in spite of this succeeds into outstandingly depicting the absurdity of war). If only the TDP series has had more time to breathe, to explain and develop characters, motives, depths, events, (especially Ezran's downfall which didn't make any sense) it could have been LEGENDARY

.But instead, The Dragon Prince just ran straight into the trap it was so brilliantly avoiding in season one and two: Manicheism, black-and-white, goodies VS baddies, Simple narrative.

And I don’t even think a fourth season can fix this.

The final picture was too rainbowed, too happy-ending, too simple to be fixed. Yes, there are still “OH SO SOOOO BAD GUYS” and under-plots to explore (Aaravos’s final plan, Viren and Claudia’s trauma, Rayla’s parents including Runaan, Pip, cohabitation between critches and humans), but the series was about the absurdity of war and how characters dealt with it. Once this war is not only over, but also oh-so-happy-ended, I really wonder what’s left to explore. Even Dark Magic ethic, one of the most interesting part of the show to me, is ridiculed. By rushing, they handled their speech in a very clumsy way, and even worse: hypocritical.

The third season threw the series's speech to the trash by a too fast narrative… And I don’t know if I can forgive this.

Reminds me of GoT season eight, actually. But that’s another problem ^^

Thank you for coming to my TED-Talk.

#tdp #tdp season three #tdp s3 #tdp Callum #tdp Ezran #tdp Rayla #tdp Zym #tdp Viren #tdp Claudia #tdp Soren #tdp aaravos #tdp Aanya #tdp Ethari #tdp Zubeia #tdp analysis #tdp meta #the dragon prince #tdp criticism

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