#and genuinely i didnt want to be because she was simultaneously never there for me

[why-fucking-bother-anymore]

I swear I've gone through every emotion known to man.... (And then some) today...

#spiteful angry a little happy and proud judgemental upset sad mourning #the list can go on #its been a day #my thoughts #mom went to detox today and will be in recovery for a month #i already feel lighter with her gone #but conflicted because i wasn't there for her #but i couldn't be because she wouldn't let me #and genuinely i didnt want to be because she was simultaneously never there for me #but shes done more for me than i ever could've asked in some ways #but i also never asked to be born wish i was never born and feel like ive never belonged here #like i was meant to be aborted but was born instead #and yet despite it all I'm angry at the world for the cards she was dealt #for the way she was treated as a child #and the way no one was there for her and moved on pretending like all was fine #(some generational trauma she picked up and carried over) #upset at her siblings and friends for never being there for her like she needed (but i also understand that she pushed everyone away and im #In the same boat as them in that sense #but also shes my mother and im her child and shes never been there's for me so how could i possibly know how to be there for her #i hate being understanding because white hot anger and hatred is easier #so much easier #ignorance is bliss frfr #part of me is also proud of her for finally doing this #scared that she might get mistreated at the facility furthering her trauma scared of her relapsing and what that will look like #wanting to be a support fixture for her when she comes back at the end of the month but realistically knowing i cant #spiteful because where is her support system right now? everyone has failed her #spent years enabling and ignoring her #i hope she has a support system or can curate one because it cant be me #it just cant #mother wound

[buckysdolls]

Redemption Part 4

New Billy Hargrove x OC fanfiction

Posted: 6/04/22

A/N: Lots happens over a week in this chapter. It's not my best writing either but I know where I'm going with this book so please just hang in there.

"Pull the car over" Nicole ordered.

Billy instanty pressed on the break causing a sudden stop, they simultaneously looked at each other, Billy’s smirk was gone, he was serious, wide eyed and conveying a pleading look to Nicole. She was hypnotised by his diamond blue eyes and plump lips as she looked at him he gave her thigh a small squeeze.

Without giving it a second thought their lips crashed onto each others, Billy's hands had moved to cup Nicole's cheeks with affection, he wanted her lips firmly against his. Swiping her bottom lip with his tongue she allowed him to let his tongue explore her as they kissed. It was passionate and to her surprise Billy was careful. The placement of his hands on her cheeks proved that. Her fingers tangled in his dirty blonde hair, occasionally and gently pulling it which would have Billy grunting and kissing her harder. She gathered up the courage as they continued kissing to leap out of her seat and climb ontop of Billy. Billy's touch had moved down to her waist where his hands settled to support her sitting on him. Together they'd built up a rhythm where Nicole was now grinding on him which he encouraged as he helped move her hips at a steady pace. He pulled away, relaxing for a second to watch her grinding on him.

"Fuck" Billy whispered as he watched her in awe. Nicole gradually came to a stop as her adrenaline slowed down. Billy quickly thought about every other girl he'd been in this situation with... non of them shined quite like how she did. She was stunningly effortless and the sudden thought of her being like this with anyone else made him envious. Billy leaned forward and pushed the hair out of Nicole's face so he could look into her eyes, he knew he was display a look of affection of love bevause he was completely enthralled by her every waking moment. Nicole was surprised by her own actions, she had never intended to be sat in Billy's car, making out with him because thay wasnt her usual demeanour.  No way did she ever imagine she would be with the most popular guy in school and though she wanted nothing more to continue she was now like every other girl who had been with Billy and once that thought creeped into her head she didn't feel as special anymore, it felt cheap.

"What am I doing?" Nicole thought out loud as she looked down at Billy, his once pleasurable face had turned confused trying to figure out what Nicole was talking about. She pushed his hand away from her face.

"I shouldn't have done that, I'm so sorry!" Nicole breathed scooting off Billy and falling back into her seat, her head hitting the head rest with force.

"Don't be sorry...you're a pretty good kisser" Billy smirked leaned in to her, trying to egnite a second round.

"I'm sure the thousands of other girls you've been with were better. This was a mistake. I'm not another conquest"

"Ouch... I didnt think you were Nicole" he wasn't used to the notion of a girl feeling regret for being with him...his ego was feeling bruised and what made it even worse was the genuine feelings he had for her.

"Could you please just drive me home Billy?" Nicole let tears slip from eyes as soon as the appeared she wiped them.

"Sure" Billy's response was snappy as he slammed his foot on the gas and shoved the gear to pick up a decent speed. The journey to their houses was silent... they were both equally relieving their encounter in there head as Nicole looked out the passenger window and Billy keeping his eyes on the road.

Pulling up to the Hargrove driveway, there was a quick moment of silence before Billy opened his car door. Nicole had frozen in her seat unsure what to do... she wanted to get out but her legs wouldn't move and as she felt Billy leave the car, slamming his door she jumped. Her door was swung open, Billy had walked round to her side to open it and help her out the car. Leaning on the door to help get out she was inches away from Billy, their proxemics intimate. Her doting eyes made their way up to his, the urge to kiss her was there but he wasn't prepared to push it after her previous comments, he didnt want her to feel cheap. Billy took a step away, creating some space where Nicole could walk down the cobbled path and walk to her home next door. And so she did. Without saying a word to each other she began to walk away, he leaned against his car and pulled out a cigarette to destress. He watched her walk away calmly till she reached her own front door. The voice in her head told her not to look over but of course she had to...she had to know was he looking her way? Of course he was. All she could do was clutch her jacket over her chest, give him a coy smile, open her front door and step inside.

Two days. Two days passed since Nicole and Billy's encounter... had Nicole been avoiding Billy for those two days? Absolutely! She couldn't quite understand what made Billy so special that warranted her actions that night. Plenty of boys had tried to ask her out before but she never felt the need for a boyfriend...she was happy being independent and non reliant on a man...so what made him so special? Her feelings were genuine...she liked Billy...but she was embarrassed, all she was going to be was another stroke on his tally because there was no way he could feel the same.

She tied her scrunchie in and then headed for her window. Two days. No 8pm stare downs like usual, two days her curtains had been closed for. Gripping the cloth she pulled them apart...it had to be fate because there he stood leaning against the open door of his car, looking up at her. She'd expected him to smirk (the Hargrove smirk) it was now knows as...it was that popular, but he stared back at her longingly. Billy conflicted by his own thoughts couldn't understand his emotions. Making out with a girl was usually enough for him, used goods, move on. But Nicole was different, she was intelligent and independent. As he saw her stood there he admired tiny details about her, the stray away hairs from her do, the gloss on her lips which he hadn't stopped thinking about since their kiss and the dimples in her cheeks as she gave him a small courteous smile. 

Nicole rushed down the stairs that led to her front door, she observed her father who rustled the curls of her brothers hair before approaching her.

"Good morning pickle" he greeted kissing her forehead. Her laugh was wholesome as she adored her dad's pets names.

"I know when there is something wrong with my princess. You've hardly been downstairs the past two days." Nicole was considered lucky, she had the all American family... two loving parents, caring and hard working. An annoying younger brother who she would walk to the ends of the earth for to protect him. Theu did everything in their power to make sure she had the foundations to a successful life and she was greatful.

"Is it that time of the-" He placed his hands on her shoulder, she copied his actions in sarcasm.

'Ew! Dad, stop! I'm fine" Nicole hushed her father with a chuckle.

"Okay, well have a good day chick" As he opened the door for her to make haste they were greeting by the charming smile of Billy, who stood on their doorstep.

"Mr Taylor...Nicole" He spoke, without hesitation Nicole gave Billy a shove so she could leave her house and close the door behind her. Nicole made her way down the garden path with Billy got on her heels.

'You know if I didn't know any different I'd say you're avoiding me" Billy said causing Nicole to stop at the end of her path, Billy stood in front of her.

"Nope, just been busy. You know... spring cleaning" Nicole kept it blunt and awkward. Billy chuckled and lit a cigarette.

"Spring cleaning huh?"

"Yep." Nicole looked down the road in both directions hoping for her lift to arrive to save her from Billy. The door from her house opened and her mum emerged taking out the trash.

"Good morning Mrs Taylor!?" Billy called out with a wave.

"Hi Billy!" A cheerful Mrs Taylor replied.

"Taking out the last of the spring cleaning?" Billy asked, he wasn't oblivious to Nicole's bullshit. Miss Taylor chuckled.

"Spring cleaning? In June? You're funny Billy"

Billy's attention turned back to Nicole, who was kicked the stones beneath her feet.

"Spring cleaning?"

Nicole rolled her eyes and folded her arms with a big sigh.

"I just want to pretend like it didn't happen"

"Like what happened?" Billy puffed smoke into Nicole's face, he was trying to lighten the mood.

"Us kissing in your car..." she stopped when she released what she was saying.

'I thought you wanted to forget?"

"You're such a jerk sometimes. Why are you up and down all the time?" Billy jerked his head to the side and smirked as Nicole furrowed her brows.

"Me?! Up and down? You're act like you're into me one minute and then the next I'm not good enough for you. Since you, I have pushed away girl after girl to prove to you I'm not what they say I am. But you have your perfect little life that men like me don't fit into and you're so passive aggressive about everything and defensive. Well screw it. Its bullshit"

"This is exactly what I mean... and I never once asked you to stop being a manwhore" Nicole sniggered waving her hand up an down. Steve's car had pulled up outside and all Nicole could think was thank god. Billy looked Nicole up and down before flicking his cigarette in the direction of Steve's car. Clutching her books, Nicole felt sadness wash over her... was she really passive aggressive? Billy shook his head in disbelif, he was usually the one plying the game... not the one being played. He straightend his denim jacket and locked eyes with Nicole.

"Just another conquest to add my list right?" he mocked her, as he left Nicole standing alone he shared a look of disdain with Steve before making off in his own car. As Nicole walked down the hallway of Hawkins High people gawked as she walked past them and they'd whisper about her not to her. In this moment she felt so small and embarrassed to be the talk of the girls gossip. As she approached her locker she listened intently to two girls and boy clearly whispering at a volume so that she could hear.

"I heard she was begging him to make her cum"

"I heard she was riding him like a rabid animal"

"Wouldn't blame him though she is hot"

"Well now she's just another Hawkins slut"

Her breath hitched as she slammed her locker shut after what she heard. She couldn't believe Billy could be so cruel to do this to her, she'd never felt so dirty or disrespected in her life than right now.

"Nicole" the familiar voice of Nancy soothed her a little but she was still in shock that she didn't turn to face her or say anything... she couldn't.

"Nicole, what people are saying about you-"

Nicole cut Nancy off quicker than lightning would flash.

"It's not true." Nicole whimpered as she turned to face Nancy with tears brimming.

"I believe you. Let's get you out of here"

Nancy put her arm around Nicole and guided her away from the gossip of Hawkins corridors they were like paparazi.

A couple of days later the rumours began to die down as there was always someone new at the centre of some gossip, Nicole had made it her prioroty to keep her head down, and stay quiet. Nicole and Billy had ignored each other existenced... no 8pm window look outs or throwing stones, no eye contact on corridors.  It was as if they'd never crossed passed before. And well Steve decided upon himself to seek some justice for Nicole, at lunch he strided over to Billy who was perched on the table of a bench surrounded by his followers, upon seeing Steve approaching he rose up and stood firmly. As soon as Steve reached Billy he pushed him with all the force he had and it was enough to send Billy tumbling back.

'You're a douchbag Hargrove!" Steve spat at Billy who had found Steve's actions amusing.

"What the issue Harrington?" Billy snapped stepping forward to square up to Steve.

"You're my problem... running your mouth. Treating her like shit!"

'Woah!" Tommy, Steve's former friend, one of Billy's new followers spoke up.

"Treating who like shit?" Billy pretended to be oblivious to Steve, turning to his mates and laughing. Enraged, Steve once again forcefully pushed Billy, this time Billy didn't find it funny, he retaliated and a quick shoving match ensued before Billy right hooked Steve causing him to fall to the ground. Quickly Steve got back to his feet and the two began trading blows, a crowd quickly formed around the two. Nancy and Nicole heard a commotion from the dining hall, looking outside the glass windows they saw a crowd shouting 'fight fight fight' they quickly looked at eachother before grabbing their bags and running over to the crowd. By the time they'd pushed through the crowd two teachers had managed to pull them apart, Nicole saw Billy and Steve being held back, both busted open in various aspects of their faces.

"They're fighting over you... God knows why" One girl mentioned turning to Nicole befote scoffing and walking away.

"Watch your mouth next time Hargrove." Steve yelled as he was dragged away by Mr Wallis.

Nicole's eyes were fixated on Billy, he looked a mess and she for some reason felt bad for him, it was obviously because of the feeligs she harboured for him, she wanted nothing mote than to run up and comfor him. She had time to ponder her feeling the past cpuole of dayd, she could forgive Billy but never forget and maybe that would be enough to try and move on. Billy's eyes picked Nicole out from the crowd, it's like his eyes always knew where she was, they stared intensley at each other for a few seconds and he saw the pain in her eyes, the pain he'd caused and he melted under that. He felt utterly broken at how upset she had looked the past couple of days, and to know that it was caused by him was painful to take. He'd not left her alone completley he had sneakily watched over her  at time the past couple of days, in the corridors when she wpukd be giggling with Steve, Nancy and Jonathon or in class when ever she contributed to lesson he never made it obvious but it enough to keep an eye on her, after all... he was in love with her.

The pain in Nicole's eyes came from seeing him bloody and bruised, yes she was upset about the rumours but she was more concerned about Billy and his state of being. Nicole waited for the crowd to disperse leaving Billy and Nicole standing across from each other.

"I'm sorry" Nicole spoke as she approached Billy, grabbing his hand. He looked down at her, watching her as she tenderly observed his knuckles.

"I should be sorry" He muttered.

"I'm sorry you think I'm passive aggressive, I'm sorry I'm defensive. I'm sorry for being 'perfect'" The words Billy had used to describe her earlier in the week had played over in her mind.

"I'm sorry Nicole. I told people what happened between us, they took it too far for a laugh and I let it happen".

"Please never apologise for being perfect Nicole. I said you were perfect because I meant it... your stunningly perfect" Nicole looked up to him with a small smile then turned around to walk away. His heart fluttered at those damned dimples.

#billy hargrove fluff #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove stranger things #billy hargrove x oc #billy hargrove #dacre montgomery billy hargrove #dacre montgomery #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things

[samanthadalton]

Star Crossed Lovers (part 14)

Do my eyes deceive me???? part 14???? we did it. im so sorry its taken forever, i will try my best to be more consistent with my writing. love yall for being patient with me it means the most. thank you, thank you. 

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

warnings: angst, swearing (lots of it) 

taglist: @drmmyrs @cloud9in @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @fall3ngods @helpconfusedpersonhere @clowneryme @dopeyouth @boys-girls-i-cant-help-it-baby @vonda-b-real @uselesslesbianfr @veenast @cloakanddaggerthings @somethindarker (sorry again if ive missed anyone, if you wanna be added on this taglist or my general one just let me know 😊) 

word count: 4k (i feel like its short considering how long it took me to write but i still hope you guys enjoy) (also i didnt check for grammatical errors properly so sorry if you find any) 

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

The first steps to moving on 

“Bea please,” Poppy whispers, a repentant look creeping up to her face as she looks away from her girlfriend. “It can’t wait.” 

Bea sighs, her shoulders slumping as the last remains of her anger disseminates from her body. “Okay fine, lead the way babe.” 

Poppy stiffens that the pet name but she doesn’t let her awkwardness slip as she leads Bea to a secluded classroom, far away from prying eyes. Both her and Bea turn to look at each other, and both simultaneously open their mouths to talk. 

“I know you wanted to tell-” 

“We need to talk-” 

Both clamp their lips shut, a mutual smile playing on their lips as they look at one another. 

“You go first,” Poppy gestures towards Bea, as she moves to sit on the edge of a desk. 

Bea inhales softly, her tongue darts out licking her lips as she looks down at the ground, her face calculating. “Why does Chloe hate me?” She looks up to Poppy, her eyes boring into the strawberry blonde’s, sadness swimming inside of them, “I just don’t get what I’ve done for her to hate me.” 

Poppy sighs heavily, her eyes awkwardly darting away from Bea’s. “It’s complicated Bea.” 

“Complicated?” Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “I almost just went off on Chloe after she gave her condolences for my mom dying because I just felt she wasn’t genuine and you wanna tell me it's complicated?” 

Poppy sharply inhales, contemplating for a few moments before saying, “it’s because of your mom.” 

Bea scrunches her brows up in confusion, “my mom? What the hell does she have to do with this?” 

Poppy ineptly plays with her hands, not being able to look Bea in her eyes, “at first it was just a classist thing. When you first came to Belvoire, she just wanted to make herself feel superior over you, but in the last year you’ve noticed her getting more mean right?” 

“Right.” Bea stares at Poppy, her expression emotionless. 

“Chloe’s parents have been fighting non stop recently, and it’s been affecting her a lot.” 

Bea’s brows furrow in confusion, “what does that have to do with me or my mom?” 

“Just let me explain first before you react, please.” Bea’s eyes bore into Poppy’s for a few seconds before she nods understandingly. “Her dad cheated on her mom. A lot of times actually. But he was blackmailed by one of the women he slept with.” Poppy pauses for a few seconds, “your mom.” 

Bea lets out a shaky breath, her eyes blinking in disbelief, “no, you’re lying.” 

Poppy nervously bites her bottom lip, “look Bea-” 

“How long have you known?”

Poppy’s face scrunches up in anger, “this isn’t my fault Bea. I only found out that day I went to talk to Chloe about us. Chloe made me promise not to say anything to you-” 

“Poppy! My mom OD and I don’t even know why. And now you’re telling me she was blackmailing the St James family and it doesn’t occur to you that might have had something to do with her death?” 

“They’re not the fucking mafia Bea, jesus. They were trying to settle it quietly by giving your mom some money and make her sign some stuff so she couldn't threaten them anymore.” 

The devastating ramification of Poppy’s admission hangs in the air as the two girls let the words settle into them. “Chloe really is sorry about your mom Bea, we all are.” 

Bea sighs, staring off into space, as a few tears begin to fill up in her eyes. “I just don’t know what to do.” Bea begins sniffling, but Poppy makes no movement to console her girlfriend. Bea notices and her expression sobers, “so, uh what did you wanna tell me?” Bea sniffs a few more times, before looking up at Poppy, giving her a small encouraging smile. 

Poppy looks away, guilt creeping up on her face, as she tries her damndest not to catch Bea’s small smile on her face. “Bea…”. Bea carefully assesses her girlfriend’s demeanour, noticing the similar body language during when they first asked to take a break, she thinks back to the last couple of days, she had barely heard from her girlfriend, and now she’s not affectionate, even after she almost had a mental breakdown in the middle of the hallway and her smile drops. “We have to break up,” Poppy says, her tone so monotone and dry as if she didn’t mean the words she was saying at all. 

“I don’t understand,” is all Bea can muster, evidently hurt by Poppy’s admission. Poppy winces slightly at Bea’s tone, finally breaking her robotic demeanour as she lets out a few sniffles. “So is that it? We have to break up,” Bea retorts mockingly, “is that all I get after all these years?” 

“Bea..” Poppy reaches out but Bea immediately takes a step back, tears flooding in her eyes. 

“No,” she holds her hands up, “I don’t get it, things are going good, or at least whatever twisted definition of good we’ve made up. Where the hell did this come from?” 

“Bea my dad-” 

“Of course! Hayden Min fucking Sinclair had something to do with this. Why do you still live under his shadow? You talk all this shit about breaking out of your father’s prison and wanting to achieve your own goals but he sucks you back in.” 

“That’s not fair Bea,” Poppy interjects, balling her hands up into fists in an attempt to subdue her trembling, “my dad has given me so much and he’s threatening to take it all away.” 

“Yeah, all you have to do is get rid of me. Me or the Min Sinclair name.” 

“Bea this is the life I have, okay I’m not like you, I’m not built like you.” 

“So what? I can grow up without a dad and now without a mom but it’s okay because I’m used to pain and disappointment?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, you have a plan, things you can achieve, I need the Min Sinclair name, I’m nothing without it.” 

“Wow.” Bea shakes her head, “So I just meant nothing?” Bea wildy throws her arms in the air, anger bubbling under the surface of her demeanour. “We’ve practically been together since we were kids. And you’re just gonna fucking throw that away? And for what? Fuck you Poppy.” 

Poppy takes half a step back, dumbfounded by Bea’s outburst. She scrunches her brows, evidently hurt, “you don’t get it Bea. Even though your mom wasn’t the best, she still supported you, even if you didn’t know about it. My dad he- my mom what would she think?” 

“Your mom? Poppy what kind of shit is your dad brainwashing you with? Your mom is dead! You have no idea how she would react to having a gay daughter, but I know she’s probably disappointed in you.” 

“Fuck you Bea.”Poppy runs out of the classroom, tears streaming down her face, leaving Bea on her own. 

“Shit,” Bea whispers to herself before throwing a bunch of punches at the wall, each more cathartic than the last until she can’t physically hold herself up anymore. Bea defeatedly slides into a chair, cradling her head in between her hands, letting the tears free fall, as reality begins setting in that she lost the one thing in the world that was her everything. Poppy Min Sinclair was her rock, the girl who she gave her heart to, the love of her life and just in a matter of moments it was over. Maybe it was too good to be true. The beautiful, perky popular rich girl and the girl who had almost nothing, complete polar opposites, it never should’ve worked. But time and time again when faced against the world they persevered so why was this time different? Poppy had chosen her namesake over the love of her life. She chose the life of glitz and glamour over the girl who gave her her entire heart. Bea feels her entire world crashing down, how much more heartbreak could she take? Was her life always going to be so hard? So full of hurt? Full of pain? She winces at the thought, her head hammering as she comes to the realisation that she understood her mother’s pain more than she thought. 

…. 

Bea hops off her bike, parking it in front of her house, as she pulls her phone out to look at the time. ‘It’s lunch time,’ she thinks to herself. After the day she had today, school wasn’t the best option for her right now. She makes her way to her front door but stops in her tracks when she realises her front door is slightly ajar. Her survival instincts kick in as she effortlessly pulls out her pocket knife, carefully pushing the door fully open. As she steps into the living room, her eyes dart to the closed door of her mother’s room, but when she hears a creaking sound coming towards her bedroom, she cautiously moves towards the source of the noise, the grip on her knife tightening. As she creeps up, she sees the door of her room half opened, a hooded figure standing by her bed with their back facing her. 

Bea stealthily sneaks up to the figure placing the knife a few inches from their throat before lowering her voice to a threatening tone, “who are you and what the fuck are you doing?” The figure gasps, dropping a bag that’s in their hands with a deafening thud before raising their hands in a sign of surrender. 

“It’s me, it’s me,” the voice whimpers out. 

“AJ?” Bea raises her eyebrows, retracting the knife from his throat while pulling down his hood with her other hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” Bea takes a step back while AJ scrambles grabbing the bag he just dropped moments before. When he turns to face Bea, his eyes are wide, filled with fear as he clutches the bag closely to his chest. 

“I have to go,�� he says as he attempts to run out of the room, but Bea pulls him back, her face crumpled in suspicion. 

“No we’re not doing this, give me the bag now,” Bea snatches the bag out of his hands before he can protest and opens the zipper to find it filled with cash. She grits her teeth, anger settling into her features as she whips her head up to AJ, “is this my fucking money?” 

“Bea, I- I can explain-” 

“What the fuck AJ!” Bea throws the bag onto the bed, the cash spilling out as she jabs an accusing finger at AJ’s chest. “You’re stealing from me now? I haven’t seen you in god knows how long, you don’t call, text nothing. Even after everything that’s been happening in the last few weeks but you have the audacity to fucking steal from me? Money that I’ve spent years saving? Money that I’ve bussed my fucking ass off for, are you serious right now?” Bea’s voice is filled with rage as she’s practically screaming, her voice now thundering. AJ winces, guiltily averting his gaze to the ground, unable to meet Bea’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry about your mom Bea, I wanted to visit-” AJ croaks out.

“But you didn’t,” Bea interjects, her voice lowered but filled with hurt. “And now you’re taking money- I mean what is so important you had to steal from me.” 

AJ paces towards the bed, hanging his head in shame, when he speaks his voice is quiet, full of fear, “I’m in some bad shit Bea. These guys aren’t playing around.” 

“I told you not to fall into the wrong crowd, I warned you this shit would happen.” 

“Bea please, I’ll pay you back I just need it.” 

“No! What the fuck, when will you pay me back huh? This is my college money, I’m not letting you give that away to your crackhead friends.” 

“Bea please,” AJ clasps his hands together, his tone pleading, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“AJ I have too much shit on my plate right now, I can’t deal with this. You need to find something else, I can’t help you.” 

AJ’s face pales but he stands up, and makes his way towards the door, before leaving he turns to look back at Bea, “I’m sorry about everything.” 

Bea keeps her eyes trained on her bed where the money is sprawled all over the mattress, “yeah me too,” she replies quietly. Bea hears the front door close and she collapses to the ground, letting the tears flow. 

……

A few days later, Bea sits in her dark living room, curtains shut and lights completely off as she wallows in her sadness, drinking from a bottle of cheap beer, as she stares absentmindedly at the ceiling, so drowned in her thoughts she doesn’t hear the resounding knocks on her door until she hears a voice call out, “Bea! Are you there?” 

Bea crumples her brows, forcing herself to stand as she makes her way to the door, she wearily makes her way to her front door only slightly opening the door before poking her head out. “Veronica?” Veronica gives the girl a wide smile before pushing the door more open, ushering the figure behind her into the house too, “Carter? What are you guys doing here?’ 

Veronica looks around the dark room, noticing the pile of empty beer bottles on the floor, “yikes, drinking on your own on a friday night Hughes? That’s really sad.” Carter stands near the edge of the living room, as if he’s an explorer, his eyes darting all over the living room as he assesses this new environment. 

Bea on the other hand scowls at Veronica, “what the hell do you want Veronica, I’m not in the mood.” 

Veronica frowns slightly, pouting her lips together, “we heard about you and Poppy.” 

Bea rolls her eyes, “yeah well I’m trying to forget about her.” Bea picks up her beer bottle from the ground and makes a show by exaggeratingly drinking from the bottle until it's empty. She discards the empty bottle along with the other ones before turning to look at Veronica and Carter, “so if you’ll excuse me.” 

Veronica steps towards Bea, wrapping her hand around the brunette’s arm, “we’re not here for Poppy stupid, we’re here for you.” 

Bea raises an eyebrow, “for me?” 

Veronica turns to look at Carter, beckoning him forward, Carter breaks out of reverie and clears his throat, “yeah uh, we wanted to take you to a party.” 

“A party?” Bea looks between them confused, “I’m not that interested guys.”

“Wait, wait, wait Bea,” Veronica pleads, pulling Bea closer to her, “you’ve never been to a Belvoire party and the year is almost over, we thought we should take you to at least.” 

“I don’t know guys,” Bea says skeptically, “a lot of people don’t like me.” 

“Who gives a shit? You just had your heart broken and you need to let loose.” 

Bea sighs, pulling away from Veronica, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Come on, it beats drinking in the dark on your own.” 

Bea sighs, dropping her shoulders, “what about uh Poppy?” 

“Poppy?” Veronica arches a brow, “her and Chloe are staying in tonight, she said she needed to catch up on homework or something.” 

Bea purses her lips together in thought before sighing,  “fine.” Veronica cheers, “but,” Bea over enunciates, “only for a few hours and if I don’t like it I’m going home.” 

“Okay, deal,” Veronica squeals, wrapping Bea in a big hug. Carter chuckles as Veronica gestures for him to join the hug, he awkwardly wraps his arms around the two girls, before pulling away. 

“Okay, I’ll wait in the car while you girls get ready. Just uh don’t take too long.”

Veronica playfully rolls her eyes as she Bea towards her bedroom, yelling back “thanks Carter.” Giddy, she rushes to Bea’s closest, assessing her clothes until she finds a short red dress hidden in the back. “This!” 

“No, no, no,” Bea shakes her head, pulling the dress out of the ombre-haired girl’s hands. 

“Why not? It would look so hot on you,” Veronica’s eyes trail down Bea’s body, as she sharply inhales. “Bea, you’re single and sexy, stop holding yourself back okay?” 

“I’m not,” Bea pushes back defensively, “I just-” she sighs heavily, “no one at Belvoire has ever seen me dressed up, I’m just- I’m nervous I guess.” 

“Then we have to show them what they’ve been missing for the last three years,” Veronica gives Bea a devilish smile as she takes the dress from Bea’s hands, sliding the dress off the hanger before handing it over to Bea. 

“Uh you gonna stay in the room?” Bea nervously wrings her hands together. 

“Why, are you offering a show?” Veronica lifts a teasing brow, noticing Bea’s cheeks redden slightly, which prompts her to let out a small laugh, “I’m kidding, don’t worry I won’t look.” Veronica makes a show of raising her hands to cover her eyes. Bea laughs as she slips out of her clothes and into the dress, she awkwardly clears her throat, grabbing Veronica’s attention. 

“Hey, uh help a girl out with her zipper?” 

“Sure,” Veronica moves to stand behind Bea, her hands ghosting around Bea’s exposed back, her breath momentarily taken away. She sturdies herself and places one of her hands on the small of the brunette’s back while the other moves towards the zipper, zipping the girl up. Bea smooths the dress down with her hands appreciating herself in the mirror, “you look gorgeous,” Veronica whispers into the shell of her ear. 

Bea’s face completely flushes red and slightly jerks at Veronica’s admission, “uhh thanks.” 

Veronica notices the awkward shift in the atmosphere, and promptly changes the subject, “so where’s your sister?” 

Bea sits in front of her mirror, a comb in her hand as she brushes her long locks, “she’s staying at a friend’s tonight.” 

“Cool,” Veronica answers back but her tone falls flat. The girls bask in the awkward silence as Bea continues to get ready but when Veronica notices Bea struggling to do her winged eyeliner she breaks the silence. “Hey do you need help?” 

Bea smiles bashfully, “yeah.” She rubs the back of her head with her hand, “sorry Poppy used to help me with my makeup.” 

“Right,” Veronica’s face slightly falls but she quickly covers it up, ushering Bea to come and sit on the bed. “Come on, I don’t bite,” Veronica bites the bottom of her lip, “unless you want me too.” Bea laughs but obliges sitting on the edge of the bed. Veronica clambers onto her lap, her thighs settling on the sides of Bea’s legs, and in response, Bea’s eyes widen in surprise but she remains glued in her spot, too shocked to move. 

“V, what are you doing?” Bea whispers, her voice attempting to come across as reprimanding but it comes out as breathy. 

“Relax, I’m just doing your eyeliner.” Veronica plucks the wand from Bea’s hand and angles herself close to the brunette’s face, as she begins drawing on the wings on Bea’s eyelids. Bea steadies herself, as she feels the heat of Veronica’s body so close to hers and when Veronica is finished with putting the finishing touches on her eyelids, she hops off Bea’s lap, making her way towards the desk, scuffling through Bea’s makeup bag before taking up her place on Bea’s lap once again. “Now I think this colour would look good on you,” 

“You don’t think it’s too much red?” 

“Oh babe, red means power, dominance, you don’t wanna be thinking about Poppy the entire night, you wanna have all eyes on you Bea Hughes.” Veronica uncaps the lipstick, her eyes burning into Bea’s lips as she carefully applies the red colour to her lips. “Perfect.” 

Bea smacks her lips together, evenly spreading the red on her lips. “Thanks V.” 

Veronica’s eyes dart to Bea’s lips, her tongue slightly running along her bottom lips before she breaks out of her reverie flashing Bea a smirk, “don’t thank me yet, thank me when you’re having the time of your life at the party.” Veronica slides off Bea’s lap, holding her hand out, “come on let’s finish up because Carter’s been waiting for a while.” Bea smiles up at Veronica, taking her hand as she lets the ombre-haired girl pull her off the bed, as they continue getting ready. 

………

Once they arrive at the party, Carter drops the girls off at the front of the huge house before telling them he will park the car. Veronica’s gaze darts to Bea, who’s nervously toying with her hands, looking up at the intimidating house, the lights blaring and as the music echoes throughout, the bass thumping in their ears. Noticing the nerves settling into her, Veronica slips into Bea's, giving her a reassuring squeeze, “hey, it’s okay, it’s just a bunch of drunk, preppy uptight teenagers, nothing you don't usually face everyday.” 

Bea lets out a small laugh, “just in a big ass house,” she jests. 

“Yeah, just in a big ass house,” she gives Bea a light squeeze as she starts pulling Bea into the house with her. Automatically, they’re met with stares and whispers, as the students look astonished at Bea, some appraising her outfit, while others are confused about her presence. “Hey, just stay with me okay?” Veronica whispers over to Bea. Bea nods, her eyes roaming the room. “I’ll get us drinks.” The ombre-haired girl gives Bea a reassuring pat on her arm and leaves her side and Bea walks into the living room, observing the difference between the vibes of the party between the north and the south. Her thoughts then move to think about Poppy, how Poppy would love going to parties in the north but Bea couldn’t find the appeal in it. Poppy. Poppy, who broke up with her. She’s interrupted from her thoughts by a tap of her shoulder, and Bea turns around to see Veronica offering her a red solo cup, Bea takes a sip and winces. 

“What the hell is this crap?” 

“Yeah for a bunch of rich kids, their taste in beer isn’t the best,” Veronica jokes, slightly nudging Bea. 

“We have way better beer in the south side.” 

“That I can agree with.” Veronica looks over to Bea who looks lost in thought, “hey what are you thinking about?” 

Bea sighs heavily, “Poppy,” she mutters. 

Veronica nods once, “right, yeah.” 

“Poppy would’ve loved a party like this, big fancy house an-” 

“Bea,” Veronica says, her tone slightly agitated, “this,” she gestures around the room, “is a no Poppy zone. That means we don’t think about Poppy, only about fun.” 

Bea nods, “fun. I can do that.” Veronica lifts her cup in the air, “what are we cheering to?” 

Veronica gives Bea a smile, “here’s to the first steps in moving on.” The girls tap their cups together before downing their drinks. “Now if we wanna get drunk, we’re gonna need a lot more of these.” 

The party is still ongoing, and Bea sits in a circle with a few girls from the volleyball team and a few of the football team and other people she doesn’t recognise while Veronica sits beside her. 

“Bea you look so pretty,” one of her teammates says. 

“Yeah Bea your makeup is literally gorgeous,” another chimes in. 

“Who knew strip tease can clean up well,” Ford jests, but Bea slumps her shoulders a little, remembering that these people are not her friends. 

Carter enters the circle slapping Ford on the head as he goes, “shut up, Hughes is cool.” Bea gives Carter a nod of appreciation before looking down at the drink in her hands. Her thoughts move a million miles a minute, but there’s a constant one stuck in her brain, Poppy.

Veronica looks over at Bea, frowning. “Hey come with me.” She stands, excusing herself from the group and Bea follows her close behind. 

“Where are we going?” 

“We’re gonna play a private game of truth or drink.” 

#playchoices #queen b #poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc #star crossed lovers #thank you for waiting #i promise to be more consistent #love you guys

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Friday Night Crew headcanons

out of everyone on the ship, Joker likes Astro the most bc Astro is the only one he never has any real beef with

Joker's favourite person to team up with as imposter is Etho bc they actually think quite similarly when they're imposter together and more often than not they win

the crew sometimes have sleepovers on the ship. one of these nights, Joker had a nightmare and accidentally woke Mrs Tango, who then sat up with him and talked with him until he felt comfortable enough to go back to sleep

after his goofy round the other night, Etho got a bit worried that he annoyed people so he went back to being serious. until another round when dead Skizz and Joker decided to haunt the imposter who killed them and rope Etho into singing the Three's Company song with them

Etho is an extremely good detective but sometimes he feels guilty when he can't figure it out. one round, Tango is killed after Etho promised to protect him, and Etho feels such crushing pressure to discover the imposters who killed him that he has a panic attack at the meeting table, leading the others to try uselessly to comfort him. the rest of the crew unanimously agree that that is the most terrifying thing they have ever witnessed in this game

Brody is the dad of the group but he doesn't know how to be gentle about it. "Joker i swear to god if you don't go hydrate right now i'm gonna vote you off" "WH-"

Joker accidentally called Mrs Tango "mom" once in front of Tango. but he was crying when he did, so Tango grudgingly decides he can't tease him about it or he'll feel bad

Skizz has learned that fake-crying works on his friends almost every time, even Impulse. if he can be ultra convincing, even if they know he's faking it, he can 8/10 get what he wants

Skizz and Joker had an argument in the lobby right before the game began. when the two of them were left alone in the dropship, Endless walked up to them and killed Joker in front of non-imposter Skizz, who then just walked away with Endless and didn't report Joker's body. Joker sulked for the rest of the night

Tango actually has no idea his "dum" sticker is there. someone put it there and no-one bothered to tell him. both bc they think it's funny and bc they have bets on how long it will stay up. ofc it was Skizz who put it there.

Evil wears the plague doctor mask because he wants to hide his face. he and Etho are close because of this shared trait. everyone forgets how close they are bc of this until they just randomly fist bump with no warning and go "mask bros" simultaneously.

the unlikeliest friendship on the ship is Astro and Joker. they're almost total opposites but somehow they always get along and will often team up to trash talk the others out of nowhere

Endless used to get ignored a lot so he's used to being quiet and not having people talk to him. the only person who knows this is Joker, who's also used to being ignored but deals with it by being louder not quieter

Impulse sometimes sings the Three's Company song when he misses Skizz. like when Skizz dies or kills him, when he's separated from Skizz by death

Skizz carries around a pair of drumsticks with him and will sometimes tap Joker on the head when he annoys him

Tango is often inadvertently extremely loud; he yells when he gets angry, which surprisingly is often. his friends got him a compressor, which comes in the form of a small device that he keeps in his pocket and takes out and angrily holds as he yells at his friends for whatever reason. Skizz and Joker like to wind him up to see how quick they can get him to take the compressor out. it's become a competition between them

Brody and Evil have a weird frenemyship that Tango likes to antagonise out of nowhere. "hey Brody Evil said you suck at the card swipe" "no he didnt" "i didnt but you do" "EXCUSE ME"

when Astro and Endless are done with their tasks as ghosts on the Polus map, they go to the office and read books together

even though they're all pretty much the same age, everyone jokingly refers to Mrs Tango and Tango as "mom and dad", but only rly in the context of when they're arguing, someone will make a "i dont like it when mom and dad fight" joke and it makes the Tangos laugh so much they forget why they're arguing

Etho and Brody are considered two of the best players in the game but every once in a while, when they're imposters together, they will choose a random person and make a competition to kill that person first without getting caught, just to do something a bit different

Mrs T and Lala are good friends, and Mrs T knows how much Astro misses Lala when they're away so she will often ask Lala to write Astro a letter before they go, and when Astro starts to miss Lala, she'll give him the letter

Joker can sense when Endless is frustrated about not being listened to during meetings so he will yell at the others to get them to shut up so Endless can talk

Skizz and Tango are known as "the bad luck duo" bc somehow, they more than anyone else have the worst luck when it comes to killing someone and then having someone else come by right at that moment

Mrs Tango jumped on Etho's joke about Tango being his queen, so now they refer to Etho as "Tango's husband" and call their duo "Tango's spouses". it annoys the hell out of Tango but Mrs T and Etho love it

Etho is genuinely a little scared of Impulse because of how unpredictable he is. Etho knows he can count on Joker to be sus all the time, but Impulse does imposter things when he's crewmate and pulls off tiny brilliant moves when he's imposter, and this completely throws Etho off

#friday night stabby #vaunna’s thoughts

[hongism]

hi caly boo its ur 🌊 anon! i finally finished the most brilliant darkness and oh my lawd i’m in spain without the s. to put it shortly: U DID NOT DISAPPOINT BESTIE, and it seems unreal that u and ur mind and this fic even exists bc every moment is just polished to perfection, while simultaneously every character is polished to a sort of imperfect perfection(?). i have so many questions and things to say idek where to start, and tho im not good with words and even worse at deciphering hidden meanings, here are just some of my thoughts that i remember from the story.

hello my dear!!! eee im gonna answer separately since i think i’ll be very long-winded as usual but first of all thank you so much :(( this fic is actually very full of subliminal messages and hidden nuances that are weaved throughout which i think could be quite confusing so i apologize for that! if i had managed my time better, i would have adjusted when i started the fic to account for managing those aspects of the fic but alas i’m terrible at time management and i suck so. anyways.

first of all, ngl halfway into the story i lowkey forgot this was a wooyoung fic bc SANNN and also bc wooyoung appeared like 3 times lol. even after it finishing all that, i still had my doubts as to why this is a wooyoung fic, or more like why is san this significant in a wooyoung fic. im still a bit slow on these pls forgive me and im just curious why u made it like that.

i think yeah the most interesting thing about this fic is the emphasis on san over wooyoung. and when looking over it yeah i could have switched san and wooyoung’s characters and called it a day, but wooyoung really in my mind acts as the integral turning point for decisions made in the story. 

the goal with the fic wasn’t really to be hyperfocused on the pairing itself, but rather the emotions and thought processes of each character (aside from wooyoung). wooyoung was kept intentionally mysterious and a bit set apart from the rest of the fic because his role in story was moreso an abstract of hestia, the goddess of the hearth and home. wooyoung’s character appeared in times where y/n was struggling with the thought of home or adjusting to the new changes in her life! wooyoung’s pairing itself was actually intended to be solely platonic at first, but as the story went on i thought having mc develop feelings for him added another turning point in the fic!

moving on, the second biggest question i had is the whole hestia!wooyoung and cafe aurora situation. i did a bit of reading on hestia and only found out that she was the goddess of hearth, which might explain the fireplace and the kind of homey feeling to the cafe. and ‘cafe aurora not really existing to most’ part, which was already hinted at wooyoung randomly disappearing, mc never seeing the cafe before or wooyoung only bringing people he wants into it. i get that him inviting mc must suggest her significance to him, but why was he so adamant about his friends not mentioning him or the cafe to mc before that? wooyoung is quite a mysterious character i think, and given that this fic is supposed to be about him, it’s a bit odd that there’s still so many things left unknown, but its kinda cool that way nonetheless and im guessing u would also like to explain that further outside of the story too.

i think my biggest regret about this fic is the fucking summary.... i wrote that summary well before i even started writing the fic thinking it would go in that direction but it didn’t. and since this fic was for a collab, i left the summary as is because i genuinely cannot for the life of me figure out a better one. but i’m trying to figure out a better one. but i really fucking hate the current summary because it’s not at all what the fic is truly about and i hate it.

however, i don’t hate the fic itself, and the reason why i don’t is because i got to play with both my writing style and how i displayed the story. for this collab we were asked to pick a greek god and one of the seven deadly sins, and i selected hestia and sloth. and initially i had intended to have sloth be represented by the reader’s depression, and wooyoung be a more ‘real’ depiction of hestia. i shifted gears very early on in the fic but what it became is moreso abstract realizations in the characters.

san’s character is meant to be this idea of sloth, and it’s mentioned several times that he doesn’t want to move forward, he wants to go slow, he wants to stop moving so fast through life, and those things point to him being a depiction of sloth

wooyoung’s was harder to encapsulate in a more abstract way but you hit the nail on the head really with the homey feeling of the cafe. beyond that, mc talks about just naturally feeling at ease and comfortable with how things are with wooyoung and being around him, and he takes up this role of being the likeable, warm, cozy, comforting character. it all comes to a head in the last scene where he brings both y/n and san into the cafe.

and again wooyoung’s character is meant to be most mysterious and abstract, but if i had had more time to fully flesh out the fic, i think i would have liked to touch more on him. at the same time however i left it more open-ended and open to interpretation. the significance in him inviting mc in and not being mentioned by the others sooner is twofold. one; the others never really had any reason whatsoever to mention wooyoung. he was a friend outside the circle who never joined in with them when mc was around. i personally in my own friendships don’t mention friends outside the circle by name or anything, just kinda vaguely talking about them unless im certain the people know who this person is. the concept of wooyoung having to invite mc in was more nuanced and vague as well, intentionally so, but that was moreso meant to represent this idea of ‘you can’t make a home somewhere where you aren’t invited’ so y/n couldn’t fully make a home of the place she was in without being invited in and welcomed in, but again that’s something i wish i had more time to fully flesh out.

the hongjoong speech about love (and also the interaction with seonghwa after that) deserves a standing ovation of its own 👏 unfortunately, or not, im not actually going through the emotional turmoil regarding love the same way as hj or mc to be able to fully relate to his words, but the whole ‘if you dont love what u see in the mirror then u dont love it’ mentality really hit me hard, and i’d like to hang onto that when i make decisions in the future haha thank you wise caly! seonghwa and hongjoong’s story is also beautiful, and just like mc said, the more i look at it the more it hurts :’)

the hongjoong speech about love was meant to be something very jaded and specific to his worldview. it actually isn’t wholly how i view love personally, but it was a perfect description to how both he and y/n perceived the love in their own lives. mostly thanks to their own emotional turmoils. the mentality of the mirror quote is something that i think i also struggle with, which is why i included it. it’s hard to do, but even in friendships, i think it’s necessarily to stop and look at the person you were before this relationship and then the person during this relationship. if you don’t love the one you are now, then maybe it’s a sign to reflect and see the bigger picture, so that was a lil reminder to myself and i’m glad it touched you as well!!!

“do you love him, or do you love the idea of being in love with him?” - haha i see what u did there (or maybe i didnt please dont laugh at me if i didnt). its still so good everytime i see it bc i keep finding myself loving just the idea of things time and time again even when this makes total sense to me oof :/

heh yeah again with the more abstract concepts this one was more direct and ‘cliche’ but i fully wanted that cliche in the fic because i thought it suited the situation where mc was constantly struggling with a version of san that she thought she loved vs the version of san she got every time they were together

despite how enlightened she seems to be, mc still made the same choices, and i wanna smack her for it and pat her back at the same time. and maybe also bc of the fact that she feels so differently for the two men that i feel like no ending could really justify her decision, so ending in the vague is probably the best. your ending might kind of allude to someone more than the other already, and tho i still don’t think he’s the best one for her based on just my pov on love, i kinda agree with you. but again, this raises the question of, why a wooyoung fic and not a san fic?

and yeah the whole knife in the chest at the end of it all is that she was still too scared to face the music so to speak. but really i would say she made the same choices up until the conversation on the balcony with san. and you’re absolutely right, the reason i chose the ending the way i did was because either way, there’s no justification. and actually although it might seems like i was alluding to someone specific, san being in the cafe at the very end was moreso to represent that as much as they fought, he still very much loved her and wanted to be loved by her. it was kinda an open casket ending there were no nails in the coffin, the choice between wooyoung and san still stands and an argument could be made for either of them! i think this is a fic that i could see myself revisiting one day with two endings - one for san, and one for wooyoung.

something i didn’t mention earlier about wooyoung’s character being left intentionally mysterious was that he was representing a new and budding love. the honeymoon phase where you’re falling for someone you don’t even really know. you are the reader aren’t meant to really know who wooyoung is because of that beyond what you read about him, so his past and such was left out intentionally to represent that idea of ‘hey wow im in love with a stranger!’ whereas san was this gritty love that’s bad for you. and there are pros and cons to each just as with anything!!

so,,,, why a wooyoung fic and not a san fic? well i picked wooyoung for my collab so he was one of the main focuses of the fic regardless of which direction i took with it. as for why wooyoung wasn’t more forward, i already answered that but !!! i view it as both a wooyoung fic and a san fic. both are highlighted characters with main pairing roles!

i literally just woke up to write this and am going back to sleep ahaha so i apologize if this makes no sense. i somehow felt like i’ve read so much yet so little at the same time, maybe bc there are still so many things i havent fully made sense of, and that’s where i hope you come in and enlighten me. i still stand by my word that this fic deserves so much more recognition despite the lack of explicit smut bc of how much more you’ve explored through character building. love you caly and thank u for working so hard <3 — 🌊

no worries my beloved i hope you go back to sleep and get lots and lots of rest!! and i hope my response helps enlighten the not so clear things as well dgjdklfg but really thank you so much. it was a long fic and hard to get through at times, but as a whole, i’m proud of it and what i created, so thank you for recognizing my efforts and appreciating them 🥺

#🌊 anon #fic; the most brilliant darkness

[bellamygateoldblog]

i will never be over the way this show has continuously tried to frame bellamy and clarke as heroes and good people, or the way the fandom has almost completely embraced and supported that narrative

the amount of times i’ve read “[clarke] saved everyone’s ungrateful asses” makes me seriously consider turning evil. like aren’t y’all bored? don’t you have a different sentence you would like to say for a change?

i want to talk about this but i probably don’t remember a lot of the details of this show so if im forgetting something or get something wrong i apologise, but i never have any desire to rewatch past s2.

clarke isn't even the hero of her own side, she took power of them using the military force of the grounders, someone else’s people, she’s forced them into alliances without their knowledge that weren’t in their best interest (while she literally had no idea what they were even going through because she’d abandoned them after upsetting their entire political structure, and this leader she’s bowing to is responsible for the slaughter of their children, has broken an alliance previously with them, has hung the threat of genocide over their heads, and who isn’t even wanted in power by her own people- dragging skaikru into that conflict, too), she’s sacrificed them and what’s best for them in order to cater to/concentrate on the grounders newest demands or pursue her own personal mission, she’s lied to and patronised them, she’s abandoned them and surrendered them to die while they were under her protection and responsibility, and in Book 2 (and these aren’t her people but in canon she’s their leader anyway apparently despite trying to blow them all up a few days before...) she’s abandoned them again, and is speaking for them without consent or any connection to what’s happening with them again,.........her inner circle/her ‘friends’ have to be extremely careful to remain important to her or on her team or they’ll be sacrificed, harmed or become acceptable losses to whatever her newest goal is too (but hey at least she says she cares about them) all while acting very ‘woe is me’ about the whole crushing weight of responsibility she shouldn’t have.

but she’s the hero, she’s beloved, she’s special, she has relationships that were never built, she and only she saved everyone again and has all the lines telling us so no matter how dishonest those statements are.

like this is where i personally see what you said in your ask most: when it concerns clarke.

bellamy on the other hand...i don’t place him at all on the same level as clarke when it comes to this. clarke has privilege that bellamy just never had as a character. and i think that does probably play into why i like him.

him being a hero to the delinquents/the 48 is completely believable to me. he was the original leader, he got them through a tough time, he chose to put himself on the line for them, and he’s the one who stayed. i also think it’s reasonable that fandom might romanticise him this way because he is one who has been shown to value the one life as well as the many of his people, a guy doing his best and making big mistakes along the way, a mixed complex bag of good and bad, i find him very likable and i love the toxic/pained/vulnerable ones lol but more than anything i find him to be one of the more interesting/entertaining characters on the show (Book 1).

we also see him torment himself with his own mistakes instead of just having other people do it for him/remind him like we see happen with clarke- and we all know fandom loves equating that with a “redemption arc” and as much as i personally dislike seeing pity parties i do like self-awareness and responsibility in characters that goes beyond a 3-second-long puppy dog look or straight dismissal of someone else’s pain, and for the most part bellamy’s expressions of this don’t come across as demanding sympathy from others but from genuine self-loathing and an honesty to himself, internalising the effects of his actions/childhood.

i know i personally prefer The Flawed Protector over The Tortured Saviour nobody asked for (same white male hypocritical moral hero in a woman’s body).

i don’t believe in assigning “hero” to any of them though like that’s the whole entire point of the show lol “there are no good guys.” and i also think a major chunk of fandom/shippers have warped bellamy’s character so much that it isn’t even him anymore, so this man they’re celebrating as a hero/good person isn’t even bellamy sometimes.

all of the genuinely “good” and kind people are dead.

i don't think i'd say bellamy was ever framed as a hero. like he was just never important enough to be, he’s just not put into those positions (despite being the male lead), clarke is. as the protagonist ig. bellamy...he’s the protector/knight of the heroes, but not the actual hero himself (applies to octavia too i think, where she acts and he reacts).

like take mount weather, clarke becomes empowered by her “wanheda” status, bellamy’s (and monty’s) part in that is lost...clarke is “bearing it so they don’t have to” (rme) which simultaneously strips the other boys from claiming the ‘victory’ of saving the 48 while still leaving them with the guilt, like it suits how i see clarke perfectly that she’s the only one to refer to the genocide (and shutting down the CoL, i realised) as “i” while monty and bellamy say “we” and it was clarke’s actions that got them to that point in the first place, but this is one of those times she’s clearly The Protagonist. if that makes sense lol.

bellamy is on the opposite side to clarke in s3 and s7 and he needs to be moved to her side in order to be on the ‘right’ one. now i don’t agree with that one bit mind you (when it comes to s3, idc about s7 lol) and i didnt see it that way but imo that’s how the show wrote it, to the point he was either demonized endlessly by fandom or woobified in a way that denied him his own agency. during s5 i don’t i think anyone was framed in a good light. i can see this applying in s6, though- where he was his absolute worst self yet, betraying his own development, failing at every point to “do better” despite claiming it, but still was given that reasurring line that they did better and saved people and was in that “heroic” position i guess? but is that because he was back to being clarke’s “good little knight” tho? (but do we claim s6??? do we really??? do we claim it ladies???)

s6 was 100% dedicated to making clarke look good/like a 'good' or sympathetic person. the bodysnatching plot (and the s6 sheidheda plot because if it was supposed to be about bellamy and address his s5 actions he would’ve been present to experience/observe those consiquences himself but he wasn’t lmaoooo. instead it was to tell the audience ‘actually clarke was right last season and here’s another reason to feel bad for her and how those ungrateful bitches were treating her’) has no other purpose for existing. clarke's character has consistently been elevated at the expense of everyone else's. but im not sure the writing did a very good job convincing me she was a good person if it was trying to do that LMAO like my interpretation of her is so fitted to canon, and no amount of throwaway lines telling me how good she is did anything to change what i saw yk? and in s6, combined with being patronised by the writers, i found her to be at some of her most obnoxious.

i don’t agree with placing bellamy and clarke in the same boat tbh. like they just come from completely different places and come across differently, especially in the way they interact with other characters.

in my experience this fandom (on tumblr) is extremely skewed in favour of clarke, like ive never seen a fandom so obsessed with their protagonist. there’s A LOT of clarke stans who stan her for being one of those “deserves better :(” characters, selfless and heroic, and support that view that she’s the superior character, entitled to other character’s devotion, love and validation yet doesn’t have to reciprocate any of it. the CL/BC ship war was just a bunch of people fighting over clarke, who deserves her more, which character is more toxic to her, which other character would 100% be her bff supportive of that relationship, treating her as a passive whose actions don’t take affect. im not sure how much i blame the writing for that because if so many of us are capable of recieving her character in this way then...why aren’t so many other people? how is there such a massive disconnect between the ways we see her?

and imo a lot of the bellamy love in this fandom comes from shipping him with clarke too rather than being because of who he actually is.

#the 100

[akechicrimes]

You have the best takes and I was wondering what an actual Akechi redemption would look like? Sending him to prison is a weird take I've seen considering the themes of power, corruption, and manipulation of youth, and quite frankly it's just boring and lazy from a plot/character standpoint. I imagine the first step would be talking to Futaba and Haru (and others who were affected by his actions) but I'm not sure what would happen after that.

ok firstly THANKS i do my best yellin into the tunglr void

second “Sending him to prison is a weird take I’ve seen considering the themes of power, corruption, and manipulation of youth, and quite frankly it’s just boring and lazy from a plot/character standpoint” is the SEXIEST sentence ive ever read re: goro and thank you for putting these words in this particular order i want it framed, truly it makes zero sense whatsoever

third thanks for this super duper cool question because weirdly enough i havent…………….. really thought about it before??? ive seen more than a few really interesting goro redemption arc fics but if i were gonna do one myself………………….. hmmmmmm

ok ok ok ok ok ok i will. do my best. big psuedo revisionist fanfic under cut

a redemption arc needs to address the wrongs and hurts that he’s done, as well as just generally other noxious junk. to rattle them off so we know what we’re working with, he

killed wakaba (unknown circumstances), which hurt futaba

killed okumura, which hurt haru

assisted shido in his rise to power

assisted an unknown number of other douchebags like shido in their rise to power

killed an unknown number of other douchebags

created psychotic breakdowns, involving casualties and potentially some deaths

was generally a shit on live television

lied to sae.

betrayed joker.

and from there he needs to address these in such a way that his character grows and is better for it.

simultaneously i think it’s important to weigh the opposite issues, which are the ways that akechi is either right or has a valid point, the ways that akechi has presumably been mistreated/abused by people around him, and just generally following through on seeing akechi become happier and healthier for having gone through a redemption arc. in no particular order, he:

apparently desperately craves approval/recognition from others, but not in a productive way (sorry the TV audience does not actually love you lmao!!!!!!!)

has some kind of complicated relationship with shido to say the fuckign LEAST, and i think addressing that angle of shido’s abuse is important

really suffers from his inability to be honest with just about anyone; how deeply he’s hidden his true self has not only exacerbated his loneliness, but it’s done so in a way that i think should be really understandable to any one of the thieves, who also need to hide their true selves and feelings when in public

is 100000% correct about how much shido should eat shit and die

does have a valid point about how dangerous the phantom thieves are, and, in irony of all ironies, probably is a good critic and moral barometer to make sure joker doesn’t go over any lines

is canonically the character who is most unafraid to go against joker’s orders

is smart all absolute FUCK while maintaining an attitude of FUCK COPS

so with all that in mind:

i’d say, the engine room confrontation happens as SOON as they enter shido’s palace. not necessarily specifically in the engine room, but that confrontation happens off the bat. the phantom thieves take two steps into shido’s palace and find that they can’t go anywhere–everything’s locked, or off limits, and the whole place is under more surveillance than any palace they’ve ever seen. sojiro was right when he said that shido’s paranoid as fuck.

they try to leave the palace for the day to regroup, and akechi’s there like a guard dog ready to defend shido’s psyche. why wouldn’t he be? he must have planned that perhaps the thieves would retaliate like this, whether or not joker was alive.

that whole very embarrassing breakdown happens. haru and futaba already canonically seem in favor of akechi rejoining the team, so although haru does say she won’t forgive akechi, i do think that doesn’t need to be at odds with them being in favor of him working with the team.

so, say, akechi’s on the verge of being convinced to work with the team, and he’s not necessarily all in on this whole “being alive” thing, and he’s not super convinced that he deserves redemption, but the phantom thieves really really really insisted, because the phantom thieves can and do change hearts, even when they’re not in palaces, and they’ve just changed akechi’s. 

cognitive akechi doesn’t show up because i’m using him later.

first thing: akechi, haru, and futaba need to have a talk, which is actually pretty easy and not even irrelevant. go through shido’s palace, get the letters of rec, everyone recognizes akechi. like haru in okumura’s palace, akechi’s practically their ticket into half the ship.

getting the letters of rec naturally brings up okumura and wakaba, imo, because it hammers home that these sorts of scumbags are the kinds of people that akechi was killing. and also that this is the kind of scumbag that okumura was, in life. have haru go through the five stages of grief all over again, like she did back in okumura’s palace, realizing that her father kills his own employees for the first time. have her struggle all over again to reconcile the father she loves with the father who died with the father who murdered and exploited and drove his employees to the brink of death. have akechi face that even the people he killed were people, too.

depending on your interpretation of wakaba, she was either just as corrupt OR she was genuinely a nice woman, but that can be addressed in a bunch of ways–akechi didnt know what he was doing at the time, or he totally did but didnt feel like he had any other choice–either way, some sort of contextualization of wakaba’s role in shido’s conspiracy needs to be unearthed. 

say futaba wants to know what her mother was like. say she asks akechi because akechi knew her, maybe knew wakaba better than futaba ever did, because futaba was young and also because futaba never spent a few days literally crawling through her mother’s psyche like akechi did. make akechi tell futaba about the woman he killed with his own mouth. maybe he tells her only the good parts. maybe futaba MAKES him tell her the bad parts. maybe futaba thanks him for it, and akechi figures out that an apology could never be enough.

the point, basically, is to use shido’s palace to have haru, futaba, and akechi come to terms with each other. forgiveness isnt necessarily the point–understanding is more important. haru and futaba come to understand how and why akechi did what he did, while akechi has to sit through several weeks of looking his victims in the eyeballs.

for extra bonus points of making akechi look his victims in the eyeballs, personally i think that futaba would be the most supportive of all the phantom thieves of akechi turning over a new leaf. she canonically tells him that “it doesn’t matter where you start over” and relates his struggles to her struggle to turn her own life around, and honestly i think sympathy would fuck akechi up the most.

meanwhile, in the real world, capitalize on akechi’s position: if he’s deep in shido’s conspiracy, it really only makes sense that akechi could locate the people they need rec letters from in the real world, and use that to find their cognitive equivalent in shido’s palace. show me akechi’s relationship with shido, founded on akechi trying to appease shido and trying to avoid shido’s wrath simultaneously. 

maybe shido’s closing in on the phantom thieves in the real world. he suspects that things haven’t gone according to plan. make use of the fact that shido trusts (to an extent) akechi’s word, and have akechi cover for the phantom thieves in the real world. 

maybe show me shido actively manipulating akechi with praise. show me the greys of that relationship, like how we saw madarame treat yusuke well, or saw sae at her best and worst with makoto. show me how difficult it is for akechi to continue to help the phantom thieves even while actively engaging with his own abuser.

make akechi a traitor to shido. being a traitor was his role, wasn’t it? to betray the thieves? just have him betray shido back. he’s good at being a traitor, isn’t he? akechi probably volunteers himself for the role. let him capitalize on his ability to lie and outsmart those around him. let him make it up to joker in the only way that akechi feels he can: even more lying.

get all the rec letters. akechi himself hands shido the calling card. confront shido–cognitive akechi is there and just as much of a bitch as always. show me how much disdain shido has for akechi, how little he thinks of akechi, how nasty he is–and how blindly adoring cognitive akechi is in return. it’s gross as all hell, but it’s a final nail in the coffin to haru and futaba’s grieving process, even forms some sort of solidarity. 

there’s half a second where akechi is in the position to kill shido. shido’s shadow is down, akechi’s got a gun, he could pull the trigger before anyone could stop him. futaba tells him not to. 

haru tells him that he can kill shido if he wants to.

everyone’s like HARU??? HELLO???? but haru says, as far as i’m concerned, this man is just as much my father’s murderer as akechi-kun is. if you want to, i won’t stop you. but i know that it’s harder to survive than it is to die, too.

akechi does not kill shido. they steal shido’s treasure and return to the real world.

at this point in the canon plot, yaldabaoth starts to happen really fast, but bear with me for five seconds–bring sae back on the scene. shido confesses, and akechi’s reputation goes up in smoke. people call him a fraud, people won’t stop talking about shido being his dad, akechi’s name gets dragged through the mud worse than back when the PT were at their most popular.

sae takes up prosecuting shido’s case, and akechi can’t avoid her forever when he’s supposedly a key witness. sae says, i’m going to give you one chance to explain yourself. you lied to him, you tricked me, you pretended to be my partner all that time and then ran rings around me. talk.

so akechi explains himself, even though half that stuff isnt permissible in court. he doesn’t butter her up and he doesn’t use his cutesy prince mask, and for the first time sae sees him as he really is. and sae says, those are some pretty serious offenses, akechi, what are you going to do now? 

akechi’s just gone through that whole bonding session with haru and futaba, during which akechi had to realize, ah, shit, i fucked over the lives of these two very nice girls and even inflicted the same trauma that i myself went through onto other people. so akechi tells sae, well obviously i don’t fucking know, i dont have a career, i might be expelled, and i’ve killed a shitload of people and there’s no way that i can make up for that. but if i could, i would want to do something to right the wrongs that i did–i’d want to address the murders i committed, and maybe do something to fix it.

sae says, you’re smart as all hell, what you’ve done is irrevocable, you know your way around the police and its corruption, you’re willing to do better and you know how hard doing better is going to be. i’m the same way. i might not have killed anyone, but i’ve ruined the lives of so many people in the name of my career and a distorted sense of justice. if you want to do better, i could use a person like you. what do you say that when this case is over, we become partners for real, this time?

akechi says, but sae-san, what about your reputation, what about your career, wouldn’t it be bad to have a fraud like me by your side?

sae says, i didnt have you as a partner the first time around because you were stupid. use your head, make it work, and maybe i’ll buy you sushi off the conveyor belt someday.

case number one is prosecuting the shit out of shido. sae said they’d be partners after akechi is no longer a key witness, but at this point, being a key witness is basically like being her assistant. sae’s there every step of the way while akechi gets shoved through the public wringer. i say, make him lose all his public fame and reputation and more, everything that he thought he wanted, and he come out with sae’s respect, akira’s support, and the phantom thieves on his side.

the trial starts to stall because of yaldabaoth’s influence, which then brings us to that whole reveal about yaldabaoth using akechi as well for yaldo’s own ends. yaldabaoth offers the p5 vanilla bad end, in which the phantom thieves continue on and become incredibly famous and eliminate most crime because they just change the hearts of anyone who does anything halfway wrong.

i say, let the thieves deliberate on that one. all of them, not just joker. it’s not actually a very bad deal, necessarily; it’s just vaguely skeevy and authoritarian. let’s say, akechi is the biggest opposer, and points out that if akira goes down that route, akira will be doing exactly the same thing akechi did for so long–using his power for his own self-satisfaction, power unchecked and out of control. let akechi use the fact that he’s akira’s “rival” and outspoken critic to good use. akira tells yaldo where he can stick it.

fight yaldabaoth, win. sae takes akira into custody. akechi makes good on his deal with sae, and both of them work together to use akechi’s testimony, akira’s testimony, and shido’s testimony to nail shido and clear akira’s name. 

from there, flash forward to the epilogue in the same way that it happens in canon, except akechi is now sae’s lackey and she’s overseeing his efforts to undo whatever damage he did to all the nameless people he’s hurt over the years. she’s going to become a defense attorney, and akechi’s probably going to become her assistant and later paralegal. both of them are committed to reforming the justice system for the better and addressing their past wrongs.

im actually big fucking mad at how little i had to change about persona 5 canon to make this redemption arc work. @ persona 5 royal meet me in the pit.

#mine #meta #it's not really meta but lmao #Anonymous

[effervecence-and-mudita]

An Open Letter To Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor,

Obviously the odds of you seeing this are pretty low but I just felt like I should say something just in case. First and foremost I wanted to say thank you and how incredibly proud of you I am. I grew up in an environment of a lot of hostility and anger and you were honestly the first example I had of someone who had influence and carried herself with kindness. I modelled my entire life around you. you showed me that you can be successful and kind, you can care about others and yourself and that being genuine is not a weakness. Seeing you work through obstacle after obstacle while simultaneously being record breaking in your career AND by holding yourself to a moral standard has quite honestly made me the person I am today. Thank you for trying again and again and again. Thank you for valuing yourself over all of the negativity in the world. Thank you for showing me that love, trust, compassion and goodness really do exist in this world even when its not inherently obvious. I had no positive adult influences in my life as a child and my older sister was incredibly absent. You were someone to me that I know I needed. you were and still are my role model, but not because you're perfect and unobtainable, it’s because you're not, it’s because you're human. The first song of yours that I ever heard was 'Teardrops On My Guitar' I was coming home from Canada's Wonderland with my family at 8 years old, I had had a really rough day of fading into the background and at the opening notes I was mesmerized. I remember listening with my ear up to the car speaker and staring out the window in complete silence as the song reminded my of my crush at the time. It was the first time in my life that I had ever felt heard, the first time I didn't feel completely alone in the world. the second that the song ended, I turned to my sister and asked who sang that song and she told me 'Taylor Swift' I chanted your name in my head like a mantra the entire two hour trip home and wrote it in my diary that night. Since then it was you (even if only metaphorically) and me against the world. When I was in tough places and I didnt know what to do, I did what I thought you would. when I felt like the only people that existed in this world were the incredibly cruel ones, I remember that you exist and therefore other good people must too. When I felt like maybe trying so hard all the time wasn't worth it, I looked to you and saw how much you had accomplished. I hope everyday that if you were to know me and my story it would make you proud. I grew up with only you to look up to and I didn't realize how much you meant to me until this quarantine. I spent a lot of time completely alone and I added fuel to my ever burning love for your music. when you released Folklore you awoke something in me. You are the most stable thing I've had in my life and I'm sorry that we don't actually get to know each other. I'm 21 this year and I genuinely wouldn't be here without you. I have books and books of songs that I've written because you showed me what a healthy way it can be to cope. You inspired me to have the love for music that I have now and though I could never be you, you have given me something to aspire to be. I hope you know that all of us millions and millions of fans who adore you love who you are and who you've been not just what the public sees of you. I know that I'll never know you as much as those who you know in real life but you are and will always be one of the most important and influential people in my life. I hope that things are overall going well for you, I genuinely want nothing more than you getting to have as much happiness as you've brought me and then 10 times more. I hope that the re-recording of your six albums bring you a full-circle kind of closure. I hope that you get to do all of the things you wanted to and couldn't then but can now, I hope that you get the chance to create even more beauty than you already have. I hope that something compels you to record an acoustic version of 'You Are In Love' though that’s just me being a little selfish. I don't think I can begin to understand what it must feel like to have to work so hard to keep your entire life's worth of music but I want you to know how much your fans and me specifically, appreciate it. Your music is your life and that has always been one of my favourite parts of it but it’s been my life too. What you do and what you create will be here and inspire others for much longer than you or I are here to see it. Thank you for everything you are and everything that you mean to me and so so many others,

With so much love it’s almost unbelievable,

Cass

#Taylor Swift #Swifties #Love #openletter #dear taylor swift #insperation #music #Fearless #Speaknow #Red #1989 #Reputation #Thank You

[familyagrestefanblog]

Wait a second I just noticed something. If the original French script of the sad Adrien talking about mom piano scene in "Feast" doesn't turn out to be completely different from the english one, then the implications of the time of Emilies sickness pre Show are... holy damn...

We know that Emilie was by far the more affectionate and present parent and that Gabriel was always very distant. I can buy that no problem. Everything about Gabriels parenting, the dialog, the body language and just even the little ways and priorities of how he treats Adrien show me that Gabriel was always distant. Not deliberately mean, hateful or cruel just... incredibly distant and too demanding. But this means that it was all the more Emilies part to not only bring joy into this household alongside Adrien-

(I very much imagine that these two could be total rays of sunshine together. Adriens got it from somewhere and I refuse to believe that she was evil and horrible too. Kinda problematic with some big flaws and WAY too overprotective? Definitely. But still a good person who loved her son with every inch of her heart to the point where she just didn't act in his best interest again. And, you know, she would never turn into a fucking sadistic terrorist like Gabe right now)

-She also was the only one who really could keep her lonely and isolated son company every day. There was no Plagg, Gabriel was always unintentionally too distant and even if Adrien and Chloe were childhood friends I never got the impression that they saw each other like, every day. I get more the impression of once every two weeks max. to sometimes. Not too much not too little, you know what I mean? So the way I see it Emilie was the main contact Adrien had in his childhood on a daily basis until he was around 12-13 when she disappeared.

So when she... like, I mean...

Pre-her-disapperance Emilie got sick like Natalie through wearing and using the peacock for too long... and in “Feast” Adrien confirms that Emilie indeed had the same symtoms as Natalie displays in the show

Does this mean... Is..is this show actually trying to tell me that when he was only around 12-13 years old, Adrien saw his Mother (who was pretty much the ONLY solid, reliable and genuine positive and loving emotional and social relationship/connection he had ALL HIS LIFE) getting sicker and weaker to the point where she kinda started fainting (maybe even DID faint) in front of him like Natalie does now?? To the point where Gabriel had to step in and tell his concerned young son that he doesnt have to worry about his mothers condiction, she will be alright again??? And then she vanishes and now he thinks he’ll never see her again??? 

Thats dark!

This implication came out of nowhere and hit me in the face with a reality I didnt know this show would dare to tap into. Adriens words above in the gifs sound like he genuinely thinks shes gone. Probably dead. I know everybody in the show proclaimes Emilie as “disappeared” and not dead. Adrien even says so to Nino in “the Bubbler”. But frankly for me it was always quite obvious that what is officially said in the in-universe Paris and what the characters acually believe and how they behave accordingly were always two very different things (also a kids show propbably tries to avoid saying “dead” even if other dubs dont mind doing so). Adrien always came across to me like he was mourning his dead mother and wants to move on while also trying to support and be there for his grief-striken father so Gabriel can at some point finally let go and move on too.

Its just...damn, I mean think about it. Think about what this implies for the periode of time where Emilie as gotten sicker and sicker

Because she still had to be there for her son!

And she did still spend time with Adrien every single day no matter if she was sick or not, I cant imagine her any other way. She and Gabriel propbably tried to find a cure simultaneously and Emilie refused to leave her child all alone by himself if it wasnt seriously needed. She put on a brave face. And thats the problem

THAT is the point that really kicks me in the guts

Because that means that most of the time where Emilie has gotten worse Adrien was around to witness it each and every day. He SAW his mother getting weaker and he SAW her dizzy spells up until the point where his parents left for Tibet for the last time. From which she then never returned for him.

And we know that because now he SEES the very same symtoms in Natalie and makes the connection. He just doesnt know that this connection involves the lost Miraculous and not just normal illnesses.

Everytime I thought about Emilies time as peacock miraculous holder before this episode aired, I always thought that Emilies sickness was somehow handled in secret from Adrien, just like the whole family backstory and the Hawkmoth&Mayura thing now. But...it wasnt. Adrien was right in the middle of it when the peacock slowly destroyed his mother. He had to witness that and... that just fucks me up on so many levels

It honestly brings the whole Sentibug thing in “Ladybug” and every time when Chat Noir sacrifices himself for Ladybug to a whole different level

Miraculous wtf???

#Miraculous #Miraculous ladybug #Ml feast #Ml spoilers #ml theory #Adrien Agreste #Emilie agreste #Gabriel agreste #Miraculous what the fuck??? #How traumatized is this boy????? #Peacock Emilie #Ml pre-show #Chat Noir #Cat Noir #No wonder he took the ring as a chance to escape life for a little fun #Jesus FUCK

[bonebreakjack]

Each of the Ignis could represent what the lost kids wanted from themselves

Miyu=Truth(Aqua). The most obvious one of all what had kept Miyu going was wanting to apologize to Aoi. Aoi lying for her got her friend in trouble when she wanted t tell her mom the truth even if she had been punished for it. 

Takeru=Logic/Calm(Flame). For the longest time I had a hard time making this post cause I couldn’t figure out what Takeru would have wanted from himself so much when Flame came to be the way he is...until episode 116. Takeru explain before he was kidnapped he had fight with his parents and ran off. Essentially he got emotional and angry letting it cloud his decisions that led to him being kidnapped. meaning that he saw is he had been calmer, if he hadn't let his emotional control him he would have been home instead. Flame is thus born due to Takeru’s desire to be calmer and think things through.

Spectre= Connection(Earth). Spectre had a hard time connecting with people as a child(not that uncommon really and can be helped with therapy). But he never got the chance for that before he was kidnapped. So he connected with nature instead. Now Spectre is an odd one in that he enjoyed his experience, and I believe his desire with connection not only comes form nature but also with the world.

With Hanoi this actually is Spectre wish coming semi true, he is connected to the world through Vrains and Hanois cause. Being apart of something grander then him. He also developed a connection with Ryoken.

In Earth words “He just socially awkward”.

Windy’s Origin= Freedom/Peace(Windy). This was the hardest to do but I based this mostly off of how the other Ignis perceived Windy before Lightning altered his personality, how he acted to get an idea of how his Origin was. This is based on Windy’s Element which is wind, and his Monk Ai. Windy is born from his Origins wish to be Free and untied by mortal things. 

Specifically to be freed form his situation, similar to a caged bird. We don’t know how his life was like before he was captured, but form we saw he had friends, he had parents. So we can assumed he may have had a normal boring life before and after the incident. Thus causing Windy to have a carefree mischievous nature which is more like how I think his Origin wanted to be.

Jin= Strength/Power(Lightning). This one was a head racker but then I read the post about Jin being possibly the worst duelist out of this kids and Lightnings behavior makes more sense. Lightning is born from Jin’s desire to be stronger, to be powerful enough to get himself out of the situation he was in. 

Jin essentially learned that being weak was bad, this in turn passes to Lightning who sees his origin as Weak so he must be the opposite to succeed. If your strong and powerful people can’t hurt you and you can’t hurt yourself. Lightning probably initially thought that if he pushes Jin harder then he will eventually learn what not to do and become stronger as result. So he upped the punishment, but instead of strengthening Jin it broke him instead.

Another detail to reflects need to be stronger could be his older brother. A tibit I found odd in the series when they mentioned how and why Shoichi was fighting and becoming a hacker. They deliberately mentioned that the older brother was really into sports as in playing them. It would make sense if Shoichi is stronger due to that, and maybe that’s a quality Jin admired before he got captured. It could also be that his brother was someone who protected him with that strength.  Jin wish could be for his brother to save him with his strength or even that he was strong like his brother.

Jin wanted power to save himself.

Yusaku= Love(Ai). Yusaku wanted someone to love him and in turn love someone the same way. He seemed incredibly eager to go with a child he just met while the sun had been going down(presumably going home). I’m not sure how it work in Japan cause I know kids are allowed to wander but I’m pretty sure it’s not normal to be allowed so late.

It incredibly strange how out of. all the Lost children Yusaku was the only one who can’t remember his life beforehand. That’s like 2-3 years of developmental memories that are just gone! Why is it only he lost them?

A theory I have is either Neglect or an orphanage to begin with. He either didn’t have a family that cared for him or no family at all. Thus information in his head that he dumped out due to his trauma of the incident. I think that Yusaku may have actually had no one to begin with, so he wanted someone to love him. He may have been the happy lonely child type that relied on having friends to keep him happy. 

Ai has a very interesting name, because while it is a simultaneous pun for A.I. and Eye, but anybody with basic understanding of Japanese knows Ai is also the word for love.There no way that wasn’t deliberate, fans would jump on that too.  Ai is technically the closest person Yusaku has to a family, and while initially he was using Yusaku to get back home he genuinely cared about him as his Lost kid. Ai didn’t have to do alot of thing he did for Yusaku during the duration of the show, but he cares so he did it anyway even when his Lost kid was an ice prince.

This is all speculation and rambling but It helps me write each Ignis a bit better. And I wish the show didnt have to end so soon so we could have known what was up with that. So many answered questions.

#vrains speculation #Yugioh vrains #vrains #yusaku fujiki #takeru homura #miyu sugisaki #Windys origin #windys lost child #jin kusanagi #spectre #specter vrains #lightning vrains #lightning(vrains) #ai vrains #ai (vrains) #aqua vrains #earth vrains #windy vrains #flame vrains

[angelathewitch]

Tldr: it was harder to come out as a twilight fan than it was to come out as bi

I began reading twilight in middle school. I'd been holding off because my family was "2008 progressive" (aka anti-feminine...ya know?). I remember finding a dusty collection of the series in our garage. Someone had given them to my mom as a gift, which she never read. I was bored, and a little intrigued, so I read them. All. Then I read them again, and again, and so on. I LOVED them. The problem was, I knew I shouldn't. I hid them under mattresses and pillows I took of their covers. I only took them out at night after everyone was asleep. Not because my family forbid it, but because I would rather have been fed to wolves than face the ridicule from friends and family. I didnt want to be pegged as a ditz. I was SO proud my family was progressive and feminist and against the color pink. I was cool, listening to alt. Music and rejecting the jonas Brothers with friends to match. But I always had that old copy of twilight under my pillow. I thought there was something genuinely wrong with me.

I read all about the plot holes, I understood why Edward was toxic, why Bella was bland, why Jacob was a racist character. But I still loved to read it. You know what I loved? I loved how girly it was. I could reject a lot of what twilight possessed, but the ONE thing I loved was the plot.

I had books up the wazoo about war, hardship, distopias, or culture, but twilight was the first book where the plot completely revolves around the romance. Its a wholesome story of two people who are seemingly destined to be apart and together simultaneously. Its all internal struggle and overcoming obstacles for two people to be happy. Its fucking cottage core (you can't change my mind). it's just pure and sweet and lovely at its base. It made me happy.

Although I read the first book 1,000 times, I never talked to anyone about it. I never went online for fear of search engine history. I literally never told a single person I liked twilight till I was a senior in college.

Senior year of high school (2015), I got a girlfriend (I am also female). It just happened. I remember coming home one day saying "I kissed my friend lily" and literally nobody cared. I had never thought about being anything other than straight, but it didn't matter to me what I was. We dated for 7 months. My family was very welcoming. We totally made out at senior prom. People came up to us and congratulated us on being so brave. I didn't really care, or mind. It was normal.

When I went to college, my friend group had 1/5 straight people in it. I didn't tell them till senior year of college (2019) that I liked twilight. They were the first people I told. This is after reading twilight at least twice a year, running my blog (badly), and laughing at the movies by myself in my dorm.

When i told my friends, they loved it. We watched every movie together (multiple times, it was a weekly tradition), i read midnigt sun to them (the creepy parts-they thought it was hilarious), they bought me twilight puzzles (horrible), and we put up signs all over the house saying "this is a twilight safe space."

I'm not saying that being a twihard is worse than being gay (yikes), I'm saying that sometimes, society overcorrects itself. If I had come out as a twilight fan in 2008, I would have be flamed. In a way, I'm happy I waited for a positive reaction around people i trusted to keep my secret. However, the years of hiding really took its toll. I don't read in public. I don't share my interests with my family.

Now, I realize I internalized their misogyny. Much like being gay is harder when you think its wrong, twighlight was my closet door. I'm still working on it. Maybe it was because I had to be closeted, or maybe it was my family's values that put liking twighlight as a deadlier sin than being gay. All I know is I can sympathize more with lgbtq+ people because I like twilight than because I am actually gay, which is,,,,,weird. It makes me realize intolerance of any kind can be dangerous.

I understand why people thought twilight was anti-feminist, much like they think makeup or hijabs are antifeminist. They are "staples of our oppression." But, like I said, overcorrecting is dangerous in its own right. The opposite of opression is liberty to do as we please, not to do the opposite of what oppressed us. I've only openly been a twilight fan for less than a year now, but it seems to be working out okay.

#twilight #twilight blog #twihard #teamedward muthafuckas #gay #lgbtq+ #feminism #feminist #feminine #cottage core #puzzles #yay for college friends #ouch family #opression #misogyny #misogynistic #closeted #team edward #shiny volvo

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

#nbc good girls #good girls nbc #im just venting #really don't want to turn this into a debate #ive been awake for 24 hours and drinking for 20 of those

[red-elric]

unrequited love: kimi and kakeru edition

two of my faaaavorite characters in furuba are kimi and kakeru (and hey, these two have actual canon interactions! wild!), and their dynamic has always been so interesting to me. there’s so much mystery around them both; theyre clearly friends, but kakeru doesnt seem to care much about her. they tease each other, work together to tease others, but theres no indication if they even knew each other at all before the student council. whats especially fascinating is that kimi’s ‘true personality’ only seems to come out around him; only in response to kakeru does she seem violent, vindictive, etc (which ive talked about before in passing). the two of them are the entertaining heart and soul of the student council, and i just love imagining the depths of their relationship.

for starters, i really, truly think that kimi had a crush on kakeru in high school, and that kakeru had no idea. kakeru is the one boy kimi treats differently; when he calls her out on her ‘flirty/sexy girl’ bullshit, she clearly gets embarrassed and channels that into violence (’dont say such unnecessary things,’ anyone?). sure, you could argue that she just didnt want yuki to know about her hidden manipulative side--we’re meant to believe that she’d pursue yuki, given the chance, for the clout if nothing else. but it just doesn’t add up. all of her genuine reactions to things--excitement over being ‘pink’ when they assigned colors, anger/embarrassment when kakeru talks about how she doesn’t care about the guys she dates, complaining about being left out--are direct responses to kakeru. once we learn that kakeru has a girlfriend, a lot of kimi’s lines are oddly fixated on kakeru hypothetically being unfaithful to komaki; prime example is when she thinks yuki and kakeru are talking about porn, and makes a comment along the lines of ‘kimi thinks a guy who watches porn when he has a girlfriend is being unfaithful in spirit.’ she banters with him in a very flirtatious way, and a lot of her dialogue sounds like something she would say to a man she would try to seduce away from his girlfriend--something she, apparently, frequently does. the problem is, kimi probably hates having a crush on kakeru, likely because he (presumably) heard some rumors about her and decided the ‘evil temptress’ was as much of her character that he needed to know about. she probably hates how quickly he wrote her off, despite still being moderately friendly in proximity, and yet there still seems to be a sick need for his attention, for him to really know who she is, despite how much shes simultaneously trying to hide it. this is the key dichotomy of kimi’s character, i think: the never-ending desire to be Known, to have attention, coupled with the crippling need to be secretive, to not be vulnerable.

kakeru is one of the WORST characters that she couldve picked if she wanted to be seen for who she really was, however. kakeru is, with all due respect, a complete blockhead when it comes to social empathy. he takes things he hears/opinions he forms about people for granted, especially if they put the person in a negative light, and he’ll hang on to those views until something forces him to change his opinion. he did this with tohru: he decided she was acting far more sad than she actually was to make things harder on komaki and her family, and hated her for it for years. he did this with yuki: he wrote yuki off as a boring, stiff guy, someone not to be bothered with, until yuki got so frustrated that he yelled at him, forcing kakeru to acknowledge yuki’s personal depth. (actually, there’s a whole meta to be written about how yuki helps kakeru start to acknowledge other people as real people, but i think @yunsoh has already written it lmao.) and i believe he does this with kimi as well: he hears about what she does with men and decides that, since it’s bad, it’s her true personality. he believes he has her figured out, that she never really cares about anyone except herself, and that her feelings aren’t really worth as much as his own (or, later, perhaps yuki’s or machi’s or komaki’s). he completely disregards her, while she’s endlessly seeking his attention. he’s bad for her, but because he views her as a bad guy, she probably can’t help but get dragged along with that line of thinking.

enter hypothetical college: kakeru probably starts growing as a person, starts making an effort to consider others more. probably, he tries to treat kimi as a genuine friend--however, his way of approaching her is blunt; it lacks the delicacy kimi needs in a friend, and she lashes out against him. she throws up walls to keep him from learning her darkest secrets, her private feelings for him. he sees it as her just ‘being bitchy’ and gets to justify his mental order of things, with him as the ‘good guy,’ the one who reached out caringly, and her as the ‘bad guy,’ the one who couldn’t get over herself enough to play nice. the way they genuinely fix this gap that i think about the most is in the ‘kakeru is gay komaki is his beard he has a crush on yuki’ universe. in this scenario, it’s kakeru who is struggling; say he and komaki break up, but yuki and machi are currently together. the three people kakeru would normally talk to about genuine issues are komaki--recently went through a break up with her--yuki--the subject of his big fat gay crush--and machi--except he’s lowkey vying for her boyfriend. but kimi still has lingering feelings for him, something dragging her into helping him, despite grumbling about it the whole time. in an act of genuine altruism, she becomes someone for kakeru to depend upon, and he starts to realize maybe she’s not so bad after all.

all i really wanna say is momiji better show up and save kimi from kakeru and herself quickly, because kakeru is trouble for her.

#kimi toudou #kakeru manabe #meta #it me

[opalgelance]

thoughts on steven universe future

td;lr overall opinion: steven universe future is better than most of the original steven universe, especially seasons 3-5, but there are still some real iffy plotlines in future

i hate that the diamonds were redeemed but at the same time, the happy clouds blue and yellow putting gems back together scenes were so pure

it simultaneously warms my heart and infuriates me 

but we finally got a blue diamond song, god i love her voice

EDIT: also steven basically tortured white diamond and nearly killed her and it was pretty disturbing bc steven is 1. in a really bad mental state, like way darker than i thought they’d show him go, since this is technically a kids show and 2. was also kind of trying to hurt himself, which both hit me really hard bc i had similar periods of blazing anger, wanting to self harm and harm others that i felt had wronged me when i was a teenager, but its also what white deserves

ncsndlljklkcndkls i want to enjoy this show so bad but,,, steven having ptsd makes him a violent douche??? diamonds killed who knows how many gems in their reign and never really felt bad about it in original su but now they’re supportive life coaches??? no thank you

on more positive notes, i loved how priyanka described mental health and how she treated steven throughout the entire check up, she was so nonconfrontational and whenever he felt stressed she deescalated the situation,,, it was so good

the animation is the best its been since season 2. the poses are clean, very well drawn, and on model. there are more action scenes than like 90% of steven universe and they’re animated way better, like theres actual fighting and motion asjksacbcbj no one is stiffly posed, no one has strange proportions, no one is drastically changing sizes in between shots (well besides steven in growing pains onward but when he does change size its supposed to be like that lol)

i liked seeing the real roses but didnt love it? i wish we saw more of the roses designs up close, and i wish they fit a little more with the other quartzes? it might be just because its era 3, but the roses were all way more unique than jaspers and amethysts generally seem to be. i like that they were more unique designs and had different personalities, but surely the diamonds wouldnt have tolerated that back in era 1 or even era 2, had the rose quartzes not been bubbled? also i get that they’re reminiscent of pink bc she created them, but hippie and superfan were so naive, more so than other quartzes. if each quartz group was slightly different, it would make a little more sense tbh like if quartzes were the entire gem army, but each group was slightly different. i always liked the idea that rose quartzes were either the defense or the healers of the gem army.

little homeschool and guidance were fun and genuinely enjoyable, considering not a whole ton happens in them. i wish townie episodes had been more like them. like you could replace the gems with random humans, but it would still be a fun episode? idk, maybe involving the humans in gem stuff wouldve made better townie episodes, like lars and the cool kids. it wouldve probably helped steven feel more “human” too, if the human and gem worlds collided a bit more in the series.

bluebird was... an ok episode, but im not sure how well it will fit into what i feel like the end will be, where every episode of future featured someone steven helped or affected in some way, and they all come together to help steven when he corrupts. or rather, i guess if bluebird did say something, it would feel more hollow bc steven didnt help them lol the gems and universes were just friendly to them, and thats it. it wasnt as bad as a very special episode (my least favorite episode of future), but it felt like a townie episode with no townies LOL at least we got a new fusion i guess

a very special episode was just,,, infuriating. there was that weird football scene where they just like,,, talk about screen resolution for a minute then play the full commercial for little homeworld we just saw last episode???? i did genuinely enjoy the rainbow scenes, but it just built up to not nothing. oh no, it was something alright. the whole episode was just future vision and then theres like a minute long psa??? it felt like that wacky randomness that would have happened in like, ok ko, teen titans go, or clarence jaskjcbkcjbskb

mr universe is tied with dear old dad episode as my least favorite greg episode. i get how both of them feel. greg wanted to tell steven about how he escaped from his miserable childhood and remade who he was, no longer a demayo but a universe. the problem imo was that greg became way too absorbed in the past. it reminds me a bit of s1 pearl, how she’d proudly recount gem battles and basked in the glory of fighting for their freedom, but she struggled when she had to recount the more unsavory parts of war. and that really affected amethyst, since she didnt fight in the glorified war pearl told her and steven about. amethyst was the byproduct of one of the bad parts of the war, and that became part of her identity, until on the run, where pearl finally realized that she needed to tell amethyst that she wasnt bad. amethyst’s creation may have fractionally hurt the earth, but that wasnt her fault. it wasnt her fault that she emerged too late to fight either. and it wasnt her fault that she existed. sounds familiar to to stevens rant in the van. 

steven didnt ask to be made. he didnt ask to be the half gem half human son of a diamond. but he grew up being told about how great his mom was, and that while no one would ever say it, she was gone because of him. to create steven, rose had to die. it was roses decision, but as the product of that decision, steven feels responsible. not only that, but being told constantly about his amazing mother, steven felt like he had to live up to her, had to be like her, had to replace her in the gems and greg’s lives. throughout the series, steven is constantly either trying to be like his mother, until he realizes its ok to be himself. but then the question is posed; is steven even himself? or is he still part of rose? and once he finds out that he’s steven, and has always been steven, he’s still reeling from the realization that his mother was pink diamond. and that really shows in future, where steven is becoming like pink. at first he doesnt even know, because besides the jungle moon dream, him and the audience never knew about this side of pink. this angry, short tempered, diamond who lashes out mostly physically. and unlike before, no one’s telling steven about pink (besides pink pearl) hes finding out firsthand, and this pink mode is basically being forced on him by his gem. steven has little to no control over this form. hes not trying to live up to his mother, or wondering if he is her, like before. now, he’s losing control to whatever programming is in his gem.

but back to mr universe. in the van, greg is going on and on about how lucky steven is, and how free steven is, but how can either of them compare their lives to each other? the similarities just arent there. steven is right, greg and pink were “raised” in very similar “households”. both had their wishes and desires suppressed by controlling, abusive parents. we know pink was abused mentally, verbally and physically (being physically dragged away from the screen by yellow in jungle moon, stevonnie being grabbed and thrown into the time out cell by yellow, when she still thought steven was pink), but greg at the very least was mentally assaulted. but they diverge from here. as greg said, he thought disco was back. rose started a war. you cant compare them any further. 

but at the same time, steven was raised completely differently. he was raised in a home with love and freedom, but he was also not given the opportunity to be a normal kid. theres a difference being forcing your kid to do something and not giving them the chance to try something. steven was never given the option to go to school (well in the comics he was but i guess thats not canon now since it seems like steven wishes he went to school?) he was never given the option to live in a house, or go to the mall with friends. the only other kids he knew were the boardwalk kids, but even then, he doesnt seem very close with them. for such an outgoing, friendly kid, steven wasnt given many opportunities to make friends. steven’s upbringing was very relaxed, yes, but it was too relaxed. he needed more structure, and more importantly, more humanity. i always thought it was weird, how little steven seems to have interacted with humans before connie, considering that his mother so desperately wanted steven to experience being human. yes the show is about gems, (and yes, i dont like most townie episodes), but steven was never shown doing a lot of “human” kid things inbetween episodes. the episode never started with him coming home from a friends house, he hardly ever spent time with friends other than connie in little scenes. like he was never called for a mission while playing cards with peedee, or coming home after an after school activity. any scenes like that were either just steven by himself, or with greg, and occasionally connie. but connie is a new addition to his life. how many years has he been doing fun stuff with only his dad for company, or by himself? yknow, “non traditional” childhoods and living situations are becoming more and more common in media, rather than the “two parents in a suburb house” thing, but steven’s life is beyond any unusual childhood any other kid would have. i mean he’s never even been to the doctor! which is probably for several reasons, like the fact that he apparently doesnt have a ssn, he can heal himself, has a damn gemstone in his stomach, and is half alien. but still, thats not something he has in common with other kids. no matter how much love and freedom he was given, steven was raised as an outcast.

i agree with the notion that both greg and steven were both right and wrong in mr universe. i guess they both have that in common with rose lol 

greg should have read the room better, realized that his pep talk wasnt the support and apology steven needed to hear. but steven shouldnt have acted out in the way he did. i get that’s the “theme” of steven’s spiral, maybe for the younger audience to better understand how steven is acting? but crashing his dad’s van that gregs been living in for like 20 years? fucking SHATTERING jasper? that’s going way too far to prove a point. it would have been better to maybe mirror story for steven, where marty and greg are arguing, marty is watching the road and they narrowly avoid hitting a car. but crashing the car could have been pretty serious, especially for greg. now jasper, that episode shouldnt have been approved. steven should not have shattered jasper. he fucking killed her. rose/pink didnt even shatter anyone. and if it wasnt for steven getting another superpower out of nowhere, jasper would have stayed that way. he should have just cracked her gem, poofing her in the process. the rest of the episode wouldve played out exactly the same.

anyways ive been writing this for like 2 hours but i feel better letting it all out. if you enjoy future keep enjoying it! it’s definitely more like a B+ compared to season 3-5′s general C-/D+. but please take into consideration future has some themes that people personally relate to, like mental health, and that you shouldnt shit on someone elses opinions that are based on their own personal experiences. especially if you dont have mental health issues, dont keep pushing your opinion and telling people that personally relate to future’s themes that they’re wrong? thats fucked up man

#suf #steven universe future #suf spoilers

[thedumbasscourier]

ok so!! this courier is my house courier! hes not like Big Capitalist in Fancy Suit or anything. he’s more “man in his early 40s is tired and just wanted to help people while simultaneously not wanting to wake up to getting shot at”. he doesnt wear suits often, either.

in terms of his personality, hes kinda abrasive but a well-intentioned abrasive. it sometimes comes across as being a huge dick but hes genuinely not trying to be- most of the things he says is just to help. he also thinks VERY long term, which is why he sided with house. hes more relaxed in regard to the ncr, but he doesnt like the legion all that much. he finds house’s ego kinda not great but he still respects him a lot more than the others.

hes really good with scientific stuff and repairing weapons, but hes not a nerd or anything. he doesnt even like math. he just knows what hes talking about. he uses guns, too, cause he doesnt like to get close enough to people when fighting them.

his protegee!!!! is an ex-fiend. shes in her late teens, and she wasnt like. born into the fiend stuff. she just got high a lot and made fiend friends so thats how she became a fiend. but she tended to be a lot chiller than the other fiends. thats why the two didnt like. fight or anything. cause shes not like automatically hostile, they gotta shoot first and he didnt so. and plus she wanted to see vegas and take a shower.

shes actually pretty quiet and introspective once shes away from the fiends. shes kinda a social chameleon tbh. like around the fiends shes loud + obnoxious as hell but around everyone else shes just chill + mildly reserved. just relaxed. and she wont really talk to anyone except when shes spoken to, aside from the courier or the companions she got close. she really likes the courier since he got her to vegas + got her inside the lucky 38 + shes not a fiend anymore and shes just happy about that p much.

shes not TOO scientific, she cant do math to save her life- BUT shes really good at medicinal stuff. thats her strong point. very good at it. and she can also pick almost every lock she comes into contact with. doesnt matter.

and some fun lil facts:

the courier did the honest hearts + dead money + lonesome road dlc BUT his protegee accidentally went and did the whole big mt stuff. she was gone for almost 3 months. so like. whoops [but he cant get too mad bcus combined he was gone for longer. he can get extremely worried though]

the courier gets along with joshua really well, despite him being ex-legion. the protegee really likes 0, despite him hating the couriers boss.

the protegee Does Not Like Boone At All. she just doesnt. she doesnt trust first recon people. raul and arcade are super cool in her book! veronica was too. Was.

speaking of companions, the courier doesnt travel with most besides ed-e, since he does his traveling with her instead [cause what better teaching is hands-on-in-the-field experience?]

and also shes never met house. she wants to. the courier wants him to talk to her at SOME point. the courier has mentioned her to him before multiple times. but house wont. at least not until the 2nd battle of hoover dam. but she still does do quests and stuff for him [as a way of hands-on “show me what you learned and PLEASE DO IT RIGHT” and also “im gonna go to new canaan i know my boss wont talk to you but just heres some important stuff please do all that because i cant its important and if you need anything talk to raul or arcade or cass or lily or maybe boone if you want okay bye see you in a bit”. and also its easier to have 2 people than just 1]

-

Sounds like they’ve got a lot to do being the to of them! And like they’ve got an interesting dynamic going on between the two. I know I really enjoy found family kinda stuff. 

Also seems like the two of them get on quite the adventures! I gotta ask, why was for Veronica?

#other's ocs #submission

[ruffiorocks]

Lena still doesn't have a logical reason to turn bad not without cancelling out everything she has ever done.

OK, so first off I really enjoyed that episode! After watching the last episode of GOT I needed something exciting! (But let's not go into that s**t show)

So I'm going to focus here on Lena. Now Lena from the start of the episode was against Lex and was trying to stop him. What he was doing was despicable to her. She even goes out of her way to kill Lex (once again being the one who ACTUALLY saved the day).

Now let's remember what Lena said to him "The world will never be a safe place with you in it". This is really significant! Lena has always done what she has done to protect people, humans and aliens alike. Lena has never differentiated between the two. Lena killed her own brother because she knew he would never stop and the world would never be a safe place.

So what can we take from this? Lena is willing to go to the extreme to keep the world safe. Does that make her a squeaky clean simble of hope like Supergirl? No it doesn't, because Supergirl doesn't make those choices. Supergirl believes in the good of everyone and she even wanted to save Lex's life. That's noble and all but locking Lex up only ever results in him getting out and causing more mayhem and death. Lena sees things differently, she knows he won't ever stop so she permanently (for now) stopped him.

Lena isn't the same kind of hero that Supergirl is. One is the Hero and the other is the Anti Hero. But that doesn't make one better than the other.

Supergirl went down the path of Killing her enemy (Reign) and she suffered for it because people she loved died and she had to use time travel. It's not in her to make those hard choices. She was raised with love and positive messages and her cousin being Superman, so that's her mind set.

Lena on the other hand was raised in a hostile environment where you got rid of problems. No one was good and no one was bad it was all about power. Lena didnt have positive messages of hope and love like Kara did. Lena has had to deal with issues the Luthor way because she didn't have a superhero there to do it for her. Superman couldn't even take down Lex without Lena stepping in.

So, Lena made the hard choice and ended the threat to the world and other worlds. Personally ? I'm with her. Who wouldn't have shot Hitler? If someone had would they be considered 'evil' or having the potential to become the next Hitler? Of course not! Christ even Lillian knew Lex had gone to far and she tried to end it there and then, Killing her own child to protect the world. Lillian and Lena made hard choices but they knew they needed to be made, the super friends are lost in truth and hope and everyone deserves a million chances.

So, Lena finds out that Kara is Supergirl. She has every reason to be pissed off to the max with Kara. Enough even to never speak to her again.

You ask why she has a right to be mad? Well it all boils down to Lena being a Luthor. Lena believed that Kara Danvers befriended her because she genuinely wanted to be her friend, something Lena really needed since she didn't have any in National City. So Lena went to find Kara and invite her to things and a friendship grew. Lena even went out of her way to give Kara exclusives and exclusive access to her. She was welcomed into Kara's friendship and family circle and probably for the first time since she was 4 knew what it was like to have a family.

Now also during this time Lena met Supergirl and had no issues with her at all. She helped her, teamed up with her, respected her etc. But then you had their big fight, to Lena she only had a beef with Supergirl.

So now imagine you're Lena and you have just learned that your best friend is actually Supergirl. If I was Lena my first thought would be that Kara only agreed to be my friend because she was keeping tabs on me. A logical thought process. You've been invited into their home, they come to you looking for information, they even introduce you to their family. You think you have been welcomed and accepted when what could actually have been happening the whole time was that they just wanted you in their sights. To keep an eye on you just in case you decide to go dark. Lena could think that this was all true considering she now knows that when Supergirl was hostile towards her accusing her of essentially being bad it was Kara the entire time. Best friends dont treat each other like that secret identity or not.

Now this could have been forgiven if Kara hadn't let it go on for so long.

Lena was told in the worst possible way, she was told by Lex and even shown footage of her being consistently duped and lied to. Lena also knows that Lillian knew so she knows that Kara has kept her and only her in the dark. That's not good, that just indicates that Kara was just never going to tell her at all. A break down in trust right there.

But no matter all of the above, Lena has no reason what so ever to become evil. She has proved and shown since the second she showed up that she is on the side of good. She has shown that she wants to protect aliens, she has shown she wants to protect humans. She has fought against actual villains like Rhea and Edge. She saw her close friend deteriorate into a homicidal world killer and still wanted to save her life protecting her from the DEO and Supergirl because she didn't know what they would do to her. She has saved the world more than once. She has saved the aliens from genocide, she saved an entire city of Kryptonians from extinction. Lena even continued to fight side by side with Supergirl even when they weren't talking. Even when she and Supergirl are friends she has built her special equipment to protect her from Kryptonite.

All of that shows that Lena is a good person even when she's having a beef with Supergirl. So her finding out that Kara is supergirl only warrants Lena being pissed at Kara , never talking to her again and never trusting another person. Lena could just feel like she was being essentially baby sat and used the whole time. But it DOES NOT warrant her becoming villain. That makes no logical sense at all. They like to borrow from Smallvilles Lex and Clark? The difference there is that Lex was always power hungry and was out for just Lex, he wasnt all bad in the beginning but he did do bad and questionable things. Clark simply refused to see that Lex was bad. Kara and Lena are very different, Lena has never shown herself to be anything like Lex or power mad. Everything she does is for the benefit of others. Even the Harun El serum was supposed to be for the benefit of others.

So for Lena to become evil or the villain and give up what makes her her just because she now knows everyone's been lying is a disservice to her character. It also makes no sense at all. She would be better off just kicking them all out of there life and going it alone. She may even choose to be a hero without their interference because she has no trust in them anymore. Lena being a good person was never dependent on Kara, she was good before she eve set eyes on her.

As for her being mad at the others? Still completely justifiable. Dating James? She may start to think it was all just part of the plan to keep an eye on her. He even threw Supergirl under the bus ruining any trust Lena could have had in Supergirl. Lena now knows it was Kara using the people close to her to betray her. She also knows that James was fully aware it was Kara the whole time and whereas he was fine to drop Supergirl in it he was happy to let Lena continue to fully trust Kara while simultaneously distrusting Supergirl. All that sounds so manipulative even if it wasn't meant that way. All those opinions he had? Were they really his or were they just what the Super friends decided he needed to say, did he act following their directions? Was he planted by Superman the whole time? It's a can of worms. Lena will question everything she knows and every conversation she's has with all of them since she arrived.

The others? Well she may not be as pissed but she still has a right to be. Lena has essentially been made the fool of. Imagine being the only one out of your 'family' who doesn't know the biggest secret they have. Lena will just believe that she wasnt trusted.

Why did she not mention it and is still joining game night? Makes sense to let those deceiving you believe that they are still deceiving you. Lena doesn't know what they have or had planned or why they have lied to her, it would be illogical to make them aware when you're not sure you can even trust them. What if Jonn hacks her mind? Best to stay quiet and see how it plays out and now you have all the information when dealing with them. You finally have access to the whole picture and everyone's motivations. She may also be waiting to see if Kara will tell her.

So in conclusion, Lena has every right to be pissed at everyone and never speak to them again. But there is no viable reason for her to become a villain hell bent of destroying supergirl when she has proved since day one and even when treated poorly by Supergirl that that just isnt her game plan at all. To make her suddenly want to kill Aliens or anyone at all makes no sense and is a complete 180 in her character personality and her whole arc. To have her turn into Lex after killing Lex for being Lex? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. It just makes Lex right the whole time. 

#supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #supercorp #anti james olsen #lex luthor #superfriends #lillian luthor