#and he talked about some sad stuff too ;;;;; but said he’s an adult now so he hasn’t really cried in a while hfjdkfdjjff ;-;

[apollosfavkiddo]

Helloo!!! im in such a Jason Grace era these days and fics for him are SO limited in the fandom?? its actually super sad. i loved your previous jason fic smm, Would you consider making a Jason x fem!reader where Jason just has a veryy bad day, he gets overwhelmed by everything and everyone, and he just cries into reader's arms and she comforts him?

i feel like he deserved to just cry it all out atleast once, considering the amount of pressure the poor boy has had from everything :( so i would lovee to read about that!

⛧° as long as we're together °⛧

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

content: jason grace x fem!reader

warnings: angst but then it’s fluff, kinda short, cursing, 5’3 (1,60m) reader, life in New Rome!

a/n: HA LOOK WHO’S POSTING TWICE IN JUST ONE DAY???? hehehe i love this request so much my boo deserves more in his life i don’t fucking care.

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

Sometimes it’s just too hard to be Jason Grace.

The mighty son of Jupiter. Pontifex Maximus. Counselor of the Zeus cabin. Juno’s Champion. Hero of Omlympus. Centurion of the Fifth Cohoort.

The titles were endless. And so was the work.

And everyone, and i mean everyone, counted on him for various things and reasons.

“Hey Jason, are you coming to capture the flag?” Annabeth asked, every week.

“Hey superman, come to bunker 9!” As always, Leo wanting to show him some new cool tricks or projects.

“Oi, sparky! Can you help me pick an outfit for my date?” Piper would ask him.

He was just so tired. He just wanted to tell them all to fuck themselves.

But he would never. He was too noble to do that. He just wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he knew his friends were needing him and he was… well, being a human and an young adult, taking care of his own stuff.

So when he got home from another endless day, back to his shared apartment in New Rome and to his beautiful girlfriend, who made him his favorite dessert - brownies with caramel and peanuts -, he broke down almost instantly.

Obviously, you ran towards him, scooping him in your arms - which was a difficult task, since he was almost a whole foot taller than you - but you did it anyways, pulling him close to your body, letting him sob in your shoulder as you tried to soothe him.

You had never seen him cry like that, clinging on you for dears life. Once again, he was never one to show his real feelings to anyone, not even your or Thalia.

You scooted him in your arms, rubbing soft circles at his back while you whispered small ‘shh’s and ‘it’s gonna be okay’s in his ear, the both of you say in the floor of your cozy apartment.

After a few minutes of compulsive crying, your shoulder and the upper part of your white tank top completely soaked in hot, wet tears, he finally calmed down - at least a little.

“Hey, honey.” You finally whisper into his ear as he pulls away from your embrace, eyes all puffy and red as he sniffles and wipes his tears with the back of his hand.

“Hey..” He mumbles, his tone low and cracked as you kept caressing his hair smoothly. You caressed his hair and gave a soft and gentle kiss so his cheek.

“Are you okay?” You were answered with a soft nod of his head as he scooted closer to you, snuggling against you warm body and keeping his head on your chest. He looked like a five year old child, and that made you smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.. not now. Is that okay?” He asked, his voice all mushy and muffled by his cheek tightly pressed against you body.

“Of course it is, my love. Do you want to eat? We have pasta with that sauce you like.” She said between little kisses in his eyes, his cheeks, the bridge of his nose and his lips. “And i made you your favorite brownies.”

“Mmhmm…” He let out a content mumble, finally pulling away from him and giving you a kiss on the lips. “After that i… after that i’ll talk to you, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay. But you have to eat before. Come on, i’ll help you get up.” She said as she got up and held out her hand for him to grab.

You finally got on your feet, and you turned around to reheat the food. When you were at the oven, he wrapped his arms around your waist and nuzzled his face into your neck, breathing heavily as he kept the closest he could to you.

Soon, the food was on the table, and the doorbell rang. It was the girl that walked with your dog. You thanked her and pulled Thor, your golden retriever, inside the house.

He immediately went to Jason, wiggling his tail and giving him the biggest licks in the world while the blond laughed.

You smiled at the sight. You knew that he was obviously hurting with something, and you were going to discover with what, but, right now, he just needed some love.

You gave him just that, as you ate together chilling and chatting about your days, you talking more than him.

He helped you with the laundry while you washed the dishes, and the chores were finished very quickly. You went back and cuddled up on the couch, a massive ball of fur, aka your dog, resting comfortably between you two.

You heard when Jason sighed and felt his shoulders shaking, showing his impending collapse, once again. You cyy it deles him closer to you as he cried and cried. His sobs were the only thing heard in the house.

Ten minutes later, when he was calmer, you were stroking his hair in the softest way you could, making sure he would be ready to talk.

“I-i’m just so… tired. Of everything and everyone. It’s- i know it’s selfish, but i can’t help but want to just… ran away. To just stay with you and Thor and give up on the rest of the world.” He said, his words are muffled and smudgy as he holds onto you.

“I know, baby… You shouldn’t work yourself out. You’re doing too much. More than you should, and you know that. You have too much work.” She said, kissing the top of his head.

“I just- i can’t let them just, you know, alone. It’s.. i can’t.” The son of Jupiter said, crying more.

“Honey, they won’t be alone. We have Reyna and Frank and Percy and lots of other people that you can use some help from. You’re not alone. Ever.” She said, reassuringly.

“But-“

“No buts. You’re gonna take a week off, and we’re just gonna hang out here, together, with Thor. No works, no college, no Pontifex Maximus stuff. Just y/n and Jason. And that’s not a request.”

He mumbles something but snuggles closer to you. “Fine. As long as we’re together.”

a/n: i’m literally so proud of myself bro, i got to do two, TWO works today. i’m evolving boos

#postcards from leah #jason grace x reader #jason grace x y/n #jason grace #jason grace x you #percy jackson #pjo #pjo hoo toa

[dominicsorel]

Not really one to articulate what I’m thinking the best but I did want to discuss this at base level at the very least because it’s a feeling I’m quite familiar with. I didn’t think as much into it when I was a kid myself. Probably because I felt it was only natural to want the things Sora and Riku did. I wasn’t happy, after all.

Sora and Riku going to the play island to “get away” from their home as far as they can go is REALLY sad...and Riku saying the adults won’t let them go alone until their older hints to me more than just “wishing for independence”. It makes me wonder just WHY they want to be independent at such a young age- not to say it’s uncommon for kids to think this way in general but bare with me and remember what I said at the start.

Like not to say this to me is a red flag that something happened to Sora and Riku that made Riku want to get Sora and him out of there and is part of why Sora is interested in leaving as well but...yeah, it’s exactly that. Why is it that Sora and Riku want to leave their hometown (world, whatever) this badly? Because we know why Kairi wants to stay, why Kairi feels the way she does. Trauma, grief, a need for connection, something to hold onto, something to go back to when things get too scary or hard to deal with. Makes perfect sense!

But what started to seed the desire to leave for the other two of the Destiny Island kids and what made it their very goal at the start of KH1 and what makes them keep choosing to leave it despite any of the nostalgia surrounding it and an idealized wish for simpler and peaceful times?

We see Riku in flashbacks telling Sora that one day they’ll get away from all this and go on real adventures and stop being treated like kids which...strangely now sounds more reassuring rather than some “macho” talk from a little kid. It really sounds like he’s reassuring Sora he’ll get them out of there and then you realize...this is right after the meteor shower promise where he vowed to protect Sora, externally. What do I mean by “externally”?

The thing is we already see Riku in BBS knowing he wants to protect Sora and that he knows he can’t do it best by them both staying there so...what caused things to sprout this way? Why would Riku be so dead set on protecting Sora if there wasn’t something that could actually hurt him? It’s not just loving someone that makes you think stuff like that at such an age, it’s seeing the people you love being hurt. And how else would it make you feel as a child to be utterly incapable of doing a thing about it? Seems like your self-esteem would take a hit, over and over again. Same if you were being hurt or were hurt and couldn’t protect yourself or had to rely on someone else to do it for you. You’d probably try to overcompensate for what you think you’re missing.

Why would Kingdom Hearts spend time establishing healthy (albeit not perfect but practical) connections between these two and adult characters in their life that they only met once they leave the island? Why is Riku’s main adult support Mickey and Minnie rather...rather than his parents? Why is Sora’s main adult support Donald and Goofy rather than his parents? Why do Sora and Riku learn so much more from the adults they meet on their journeys than the ones at “home”. Terra and Aqua gave them hope that they could leave one day and a reached out hand to help make it happen. You can go on about how you think Kingdom Hearts is bad at writing relationships or whatever but it certainly has intention, even if the intention evolves as a series is going- such is the very nature of writing. Things evolve before your very eyes and older things seem different under new lenses.

And be it trauma, abuse, and/or neglect...even if by the end of the series, this isn’t brushed upon as obviously as I put it in favor of focusing on the traumas we’ve gotten to seen happen, I still believe it remains an important part of the overarching narrative and adds another layer to why Sora and Riku wanted to leave in the first place. And it’s part of why I don’t think they’ll live on the Destiny Islands in the end. They own phones now, after all. They can call their parents any time, if they wanted. But I hope they don’t.

#soriku #didi speaks #text

[miya-rin]

here are some small iwaizumi boyfriend headcanons

requested through this ask!

has soo many blankets in one of his closets so when its winter time you two can stay in bed all day and cuddle without being too cold :(((

he likes to be little spoon every once in a while and it is so cute when he asks cause he gets kinda quiet and averts his eyes and when you say yes he has this little smile and omfg he is the cutest ever

he never cries while watching sad films but you put on one movie where a dog dies, like marley and me, and this man will BAWL HIS EYES OUT

always smells faintly of coconut because of the shampoo, conditioner and body wash he uses

absolutely loves ariana grande, he walks around humming to the tune of “into you” but flat out denies it every time you bring it up

he really hates the smell of lavender, claims it reminds him of a restroom. if you buy lavender room spray prepare for him to gag (on purpose or just to annoy you) whenever you spray it

ive said this before and ill say it again, he loves paying for your stuff. he doesnt even let you spend your own money as he believes that you should let him provide for you, and no matter how much you argue with him over this, it always ends with him paying for you

hates mushroom, refuses to eat them. he almost had an adult tantrum once when oikawa secretly tried to feed one to him so now you know to never give him any

he actually loves taking part in couples tiktok trends with you, he always tags you in them or sends them to you and asks to try them out

OMG HE BUYS MATCHING ONESIES FOR YOU TWO, YK LIKE THE TOOTHLESS AND LIGHT FURY ONES AND INSISTS ON WEARING THEM ON MOVIE NIGHTS

where he is an athletic trainer he obviously knows how to help with injuries, so if you ever have a pain somewhere on you body he will drop everything to help you and make sure you’re ok

walks around your house / flat in only gray joggers and smirks whenever he catches you looking

when he is nervous he taps his fingers on stuff and he normally does it on your thighs as a way to let you know how he is feeling so that you can try and calm him down

when you guys are arguing he always waits for you to finish talking before he starts so he doesn’t interrupt you and make you feel unheard :((

he really liked collecting vinyl records but he never told anyone, he only brought it up once to you as he was talking about the fact he didn’t have a record player, so you got one for him on his birthday and he almost cried because he was so happy that you payed attention to such small part of what he enjoyed and omfg i love him he is just the sweetest

^^ i should also mention i think he gets kind of emotional whenever you do something sweet for him that most people would normally overlook

all of my haikyuu boyfriend headcanons

thankyou for reading! i hope you liked it!

#i am literally in love with him #i typed out iwaizumi so many times his name looks funny now #lavs.boyfriend.headcanons♡ #lav.posts♡ #there are so many tags on this oml #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #hq #hq!! #hq!! headcanons #hq headcanons #hq hcs #hq!! hcs #hq x you #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu iwazumi #haikyuu iwaizumi hajime #hq iwaizumi #hq iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi hcs #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi headcanons #iwaizumi x y/n #iwaizumi x gender neutral reader #iwaizumi x you

[brimarie0512]

Stray kids fanfic ot8 series part nine

Slow burn

WC: 4.7k (4,774)

There are pov switches, female reader, use of y/n, nicknames

Warnings: Mentions of food, mentions of period, smut

Summery: After discovering you have your period Lee know takes care of you and Han switches his plans so you can still have date night.

(So sorry this is late I was busy prepping food and spending the day with my family for thanksgiving and then I went on the “walk” and got a little too high and fell asleep)

Chapter Nine “Jisungs Date”

Y/n’s pov

I woke up snuggled in Chan’s arms like always. I am really getting used to this. I made my way out of his arms because I had to pee. I made my way to the bathroom and when I sat on the toilet I looked down and saw blood. Fuck I got my period I thought to myself.. I cleaned myself up and took a shower. By the time I was out of the shower Chan was awake. I got dressed in some sweats and a t-shirt.

“Good morning doll, how did you sleep?” He asked as I approached him.

“Good, how did you sleep Channie?” I asked back, holding onto his hands.

“I always sleep well with you in my arms.”

“I'm glad,” I said smiling. “Hey Chan, I need to go to the store. Do you think the driver would bring me?” I asked.

“Of course, doll. Is everything okay?” He asked me.

“Yeah it's just I woke up with my period and I don't have anything here.” I said kind of embarrassed

“Oh doll it's okay, do you want me to go with you?” He asked sweetly, gently squeezing my hands.

“No it's okay but thank you Channie.” I said.

“Okay well at least let me walk you to the car.”

“Okay, I would like that.”

Chan stood up and just threw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt before heading out of the room. We went into the kitchen where Lee Know was standing by the door with his shoes and jacket on.

“Minho where are you going?” Chan asked.

“Oh I have to go to the store, we need some stuff for the house.” He responded.

“Oh well, can you take y/n with you? She needs to get some stuff too.” Chan said not explaining further for your sake.

“Yeah no problem, come on love.” Lee Know said motioning to me

I put on my shoes and jacket and joined him in leaving. When we got into the car it was quiet at first. Lee Know doesn't seem to hate me anymore, in fact he and I get along pretty well now. However this was our first time alone without at least one of the other members around.

“So what do you need at the store? I could have just grabbed it for you.”

“Oh it's nothing, it's um personal and too difficult to explain.” I said ending the conversation.

I have never really liked talking about my period even being a girl it still makes me uncomfortable. I just have blood gushing out of me and I am in pain for seven days. Who would want to talk about that? Certainly not me. I do feel bad shutting out Minho but I am already in pain and it's only going to get worse. Soon enough we were at the store. I tried to go my own way but Lee Know would not allow it pulling me to his side by my arm. First he dragged me along to get the stuff needed for the house. It mostly consisted of food and snacks, some stuff like toothpaste and paper towels. When he was done he looked at me to lead the way.

“Go ahead love, get what you need. I will come with you just lead the way.” He said sweetly.

He was trying to be sweet but I hated this. However there was no way out of it he would see what I bought at the cash register or in the car anyways so I just started walking. First I went to get some pain relief because my periods are brutal. Then I went to the dreaded period section. I took a moment scanning the shelves before I picked my normal brand of pads and tampons. I put them in the cart looking embarrassed and sad. I just want this to be over so I can go back to Chan’s room and lay down.

“Hey there's no reason to look like that love. We are all adults and we know what you go through as a woman. Come on, let's go check out.” Lee Know said leading the way again but this time he held my hand as we walked.

We made our way to the cash register. Before I could even protest Minho put my things with his.

“Minho, I can buy my own stuff.” I said, trying to separate it.

“Oh hush I got it please let me.” He said pleading while taking my things back into his hands.

“Okay fine. Thank you.” I said, giving him a smile.

We left the store and Lee Know put the groceries in the car. When he got in he sat right next to me and took my hand to hold it in his. It was comforting so I leaned in and placed my head on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “I know for some people it can be a really bad time of the month.”

“Right now it's not too bad but it does get worse as the days go on. I just hate it because it makes me feel gross.”

“You don't need to feel that way, it's a normal human function love.”

“I know it's just icky to be bleeding for seven days. I just personally don't like the feeling of it”

“That's reasonable love, I never thought about it that way, no wonder you don't want to talk about it, it seems like an uncomfortable time.” he said before kissing the top of my head.

Minho and I may have had a rough start but he's really nice now and this is so comforting. Soon the car pulled up to the dorms.

“Go upstairs and relax in Chan’s room. I will bring the groceries up and I will bring you all of your stuff.” He said sweetly.

“Minho you don't have to do that, I can still help.” I said in protest.

“I know you can but I won't let you, now go. I will be right up love.” He said, smiling at me.

“Okay Min thank you.” And with that I went upstairs.

When I walked in Han and Felix were on the couch together.

“Hey sunshine, just so you know Chan went to the gym with Changbin.” Felix said from the couch.

“Thank you, I am going to relax in his room.” I said back.

I left them and went back into Chan’s room and just laid on his bed. I put on twilight in the background to watch once I had my things and felt better.

Lee Know’s pov

Once y/n walked upstairs I started grabbing the groceries. I carried them upstairs and placed them all in the kitchen. I took a moment to find her things and put them into a separated bag. I started walking towards Chan’s room.

“Hey Minho, where are you going?” Asked Han from the couch.

“I will be right back, I just have to bring this to y/n.”

“Okay.”

With that I made my way to Chan’s room and knocked on the door.

“Come in” Y/n answered from the other side so I opened the door.

“Hey here's your things. I hope they help and you can feel better.” I said, handing her the bag.

“Thank you Minho, I really appreciate it.” She said, taking the bag.

“Of course love. Why don't you rest, I'll leave you be.”

“Thank you, again.” She said before I walked out.

I went back into the kitchen and started putting everything else away. I decided y/n had to eat since she had not yet today. I started making some homemade tomato soup and when it was almost finished I started to make her a grilled cheese as well. I put the soup in the bowl and the grilled cheese on a plate and put some of y/n’s favorite chips on the side. I also got her a ginger ale and put it all on a tray before making my way back to Chan’s room. I knocked once again and when I did not hear an answer I slowly opened the door. Y/n was asleep so I placed the tray down on Chan’s desk before making my way to the side of the bed that she was on.

“Y/n love, hey you have to eat something please. I made you some food.” I said, trying to wake her up.

“Oh hey Minho. Thank you but you didn't have to do that.” she said as she started sitting up.

“It's important for you to eat and take care of yourself especially right now.” I said as I started walking back to Chan’s desk to get the tray of food.

“Minho, this looks and smells amazing. Thank you so much.” She said as I placed the tray on her lap.

“You deserve it love, I hope you like it” I said as I started to turn away to walk out

“Hey um Minho, could you maybe stay with me?” She asked in the sweetest yet shy voice.

“Of course love. I would be happy too.” I said, turning back to join her on the bed.

As I approached she lifted the blanket for me to climb under. The movie she was playing was still on in the background but I don't recognize it.

“What's this movie?” I asked, turning to face her.

“It's twilight. Wait, have you never seen twilight!?” She asked in shock.

“Sorry love, I can't say that I have.”

“Omg I am starting it over, you're missing out on a masterpiece it is like my number one comfort movie.” She said, grabbing the remote excitedly and rewinding it.

With that she started it over and began eating the food I made for her.

“Minho, this is amazing. Thank you for doing this for me.” She said, smiling widely.

“I am glad you like it love, and there is no need to thank me.”

She dunked the grilled cheese in the soup and then held it out in front of me.

“Go on, take a bite. The chief deserves to try his masterpiece too.” She said, still holding the food out in front of my face, her hand under it in case anything dripped.

She insisted I try it so I took a bite as she held it in front of me.

“That is really good.” I said covering my mouth while I talked.

“Told you!” She said, going back to eating the food herself.

Everyonce in a while she would reach over giving me a bite and she would not take no as an answer. Soon the food was finished so she placed the tray on the bed side table next to her and then she cuddled into my side. She was really comforting and it felt nice even if she was a new person. We watched twilight and as it played I noticed she fell asleep once again but this time in my arms. I kept watching the movie she had on and it wasn't great but it was still entertaining. As the end credits were rolling Chan came into his room to see me cuddling with y/n.

“Oh hey, I didn't expect you to be in here.” Chan said whispering not to wake up y/n.

“Yeah I brought her food while she was sleeping and once I got her awake she didn't want me to leave, sorry Chan.”

“No, it's okay. I am glad you were able to be there for her. It's bad isn't it. Is she in a lot of pain?”

“She said it's not too bad today but that it gets worse.”

“That makes sense. Do you want to stay here with her?” Chan asked me.

“Chan you don't have to say that I can go.” I said starting to try to get up but y/n moved and held me tighter.

“Well even though she's asleep it looks like she wants you here.” Chan said, laughing slightly. “Well move over, I am joining.”

“Okay Chan” I said while moving closer to y/n while Chan laid on the other side of me keeping me in the middle.

“I am glad you two are getting along now.” He said wrapping his arm around my shoulder

“Me too Chan, I am glad she gave me a second and well I guess third chance. I never wanted to upset her, I just wanted to keep you guys safe.”

“I know and I thank you for that but I think she's good for us and I really love her.”

“You love her?” I asked Chan in shock.

“Yeah I uh actually told her last night and she said she loves me too. I am really happy Min, I am glad we found her.”

“I am glad we found her too. I actually do like her a lot.” I said back.

“I'm happy. So what are we watching?” Chan asked.

“Uh, this movie is called twilight. She said it's her favorite comfort movie.”

“Oh I know about these because of Hannah.” Chan said.

“Really? Y/n and Hannah would probably get along then.” I said back.

“Yeah, maybe I can take y/n to meet her one day.”

“Yeah maybe” I said, snuggling myself in between Chan and y/n.

With that the next movie of the series started playing automatically. I tuned in and I actually liked it but soon with the comforting feeling of being in Chan’s arms and having y/n in mine I fell asleep.

Y/n’s pov

I hadn't even remembered falling asleep but when I woke up I was in Minho’s arms and he was asleep too. As I adjusted I realized Chan was behind Min too but he was awake.

“Hey doll. How are you doing?” Chan whispered over Minho.

“I am okay. Just feel sore but I am good. I don't even remember falling asleep.” I said laughing slightly.

Chan and I talked quietly for a few moments before Minho started stirring and waking up.

“Hey guys.” He said as he adjusted.

“Hey Min, thanks for staying with me. I'm sorry I fell asleep.”

“It's okay, no need to be sorry. I fell asleep too,” He said laughing

“Well thank you for taking care of me.” I said as I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Try that again, I think you missed” Min said laughing lightly.

So I did just that but kissed him on the lips this time. He held one side of my face while he deepened the kiss passionately. When we broke away we both laughed and looked at Chan who was just looking at us in shock.

“Awe Channie do you feel left out?” I said teasingly.

I leaned over Minho and kissed Chan now. When we broke Minho also gave him a kiss.

“I could get used to that.” Chan said, letting out a content sigh.

Minho and I nodded in agreement. After a few more minutes in bed together Min left to check on Han and Chan and I relaxed in bed the rest of the day.

Time skip

Y/n’s pov

It is now Wednesday, the day for Jisung and I’s date. I am in quite a lot of pain today. At this point all the guys have caught onto the fact that I am on my period and they have all been extra sweet. I decided to take some pain relief because I hope it will dull my pain. I did my normal morning routine taking a shower and eating breakfast with the boys but nothing was helping my pain.

“Are you still excited for tonight?” Han asked as we finished our breakfast.

“Han I was really looking forward to it but I don't think I can go out like this. I am in a lot of pain.” I said really upset. I was really looking forward to hanging out with Han and going on a date.

“Honey, don't worry about it. We don't need to go out. I will kick Lee Know out of the room for the night and we can watch movies and eat good food if you're okay with that.” He said, giving me his iconic smile.

“Really Jisung you would do that for me?” I said tearing up. My period was making me really emotional.

“Of course jagiya we don't need to do anything fancy, I just want to spend time with you.”

“Thank you Hannie, I am excited.”

“Perfect. Meet me in my room at seven, I will have everything ready.” He said bringing me into a hug.

Han’s pov

I was looking forward to taking y/n out tonight but I understand that she is in pain and I am still excited to spend time with her. Now I just have to set up and tell Minho he has to stay in someone else's room tonight. First I went into Minho and I’s room. I cleaned it up and put new sheets on the bed as well as a fuzzy comforter. I readjusted and fluffed the pillows. I hung up some fairy lights to set the mood. Minho walked in while I was cleaning the last part of the room.

“Wow Hannie I don't think I have ever seen this room look this good. What is the special occasion?” He asked.

“Well y/n is still in pain so she is going to come here tonight and we are going to watch movies and eat. And speaking of that I kinda need you to sleep in someone else's room. I want it to be just her and I tonight. I love you but I want to get to know her.”

“That is not a problem Han, dont worry about it, I hope tonight goes well. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Thank you so much Min but I think I have it covered. I really appreciate it. I love you so much.” I said walking over to him. I gave him a kiss.

He leaned in with a lot of passion. He kept one hand on my waist and the other on my cheek. He pressed into the kiss making me lean back but his hand on my waist kept me close. We broke away but he stayed close his mouth barley hovering over mine

“We should stop. I don't want to get more worked up than I am and I just changed the sheets.” I said breathing heavily but staying close to him.

“Just one more.” Minho said, leaning in again. He kept this kiss brief before breaking away.

“I wish we didn't have to stop but I want to be the best for y/n.” I said, sighing.

“It's okay we always have tomorrow Hannie, I love you.”

“I love you.” I said back as Lee Know left.

I went into the bathroom to deal with the new problem in my pants from Minho’s shenanigans and then I showered. When I got out I dried my hair and went to put on some comfy clothes. I threw on a pair of gray sweatpants and a white graphic t-shirt. I sat on the bed and ordered some food. I ordered ramen, kimchi-jjigae, and tteokbokki. I waited for the food and when it arrived I brought it into my room and grabbed us some chopsticks. I went into the kitchen to get some snacks as well. I made some popcorn and grabbed some chips, candy, and soda for us. It was nearly time for y/n to come to my room so I sat on my bed and waited.

Y/n’s pov

I got into some comfy clothes. Just a sage green tank top and a pair of black shorts. I made my way to Han’s room and knocked on the door. When he answered I saw how cute his room looked. He had the food set out and he had fairy lights hung up. He also looked adorable in his comfy clothes.

“Hey jagiya you look so good.” he said, bringing me in for a hug.

“So do you Hannie, and your room looks adorable and so cozy.”

“I did it just for you so I am glad you like it. Come sit we can pick out something to watch.” He said while motioning me to the bed. “What is one of your favorite movies?” He asked once we were on the bed.

“I really like Harry Potter.” I said smiling over at him.

“Ooh okay, lets watch those.” He said excitedly.

With that he took the remote and started playing the first movie. He brought over all the food he ordered as we both dug in, sharing everything. By the time we were done eating we were halfway through the first movie. We paused it to clean up but Han refused to let me help. When he returned he started the movie again and pulled the covers over us while we cuddled. He had one arm around my shoulders with my head on his chest. His other hand was just resting on my lower stomach and it honestly felt amazing and so comforting. Who knew the magic cure for cramps was cuddles and a resting hand. Once the first movie ended Han started the second and brought all the snacks onto the bed. We both favored the chips and candy, occasionally feeding pieces to one another. We also ended up throwing some popcorn pieces at each other playfully. At the end of the second movie Han once again got up to put the food in the kitchen. When he came back he started the third movie and we went back to cuddling.

“Thank you for all of this Hannie, it is amazing and just what I needed.” I said as I lifted my head to look into his eyes.

I admired his face. The slight blush on his cute round cheeks, the pure endearment in his eyes that sparkled under this lighting.

“Of course jagiya, anything for you.” He said adorning his sweet heart shaped smile

“Jisung, can I kiss you?” I asked.

“Please do.” He was suddenly needy and slightly breathless.

With that I leaned in bringing his lips to connect with mine. They were so soft and I could feel him smiling as we kissed. His hand left my lower stomach and went to hold onto my waist. I sat up more and swung my leg over his to straddle him. We stayed like this and only broke away to breathe for a few moments then we would go right back to making out. Jisung pulled away this time but he didn't come right back.

“Shit y/n we should stop for now.” Han said breathlessly, seeming irritated.

“I am sorry, this is probably too much for a first date huh, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” I said slightly embarrassed now. Something about my period just makes me insatiable.

“No it's not you.. It's um its me. It's really embarrassing but I am incredibly hard right now and I don't want that to be the impression I leave on our first date.” He said laughing lightly but I noticed his eyes shift away from me and how now his ears and cheeks were burning red.

That is when I noticed his hard member poking the inside of my thighs as I sat on top of him.

“Oh Hannie, Nothing to be embarrassed about, it's totally normal.” I said, giving him a smile “Do you want some help with that?” I asked and with that his eyes were back on me and wide with shock but a hint of lust.

“No jagiya you don't need to do that. I am okay, if it makes you uncomfortable I can like go take care of it real quick or we can just keep watching the movie and if you're uncomfortable you can leave, but fuck I really don't want you to leave” He said with a slight whine to his voice towards the end.

“Hannie I want to, please?” I said begging him while pouting my lips.

“Shit um okay only if you really want to.” He said frantically.

With that I went back to kissing him. It was different this time. It was rough and needy. I broke away and started sucking on his neck and he actually whined. I marked up his neck a bit before coming back up.

“Jisung, can we take this off?” I asked playing with his shirt.

“Yeah go ahead.” He said breathlessly.

He lifted off the bed slightly so I could remove his shirt. I continued my path down his body covering every inch with a kiss and stopping every once in a while to leave him with a dark mark. As I made my way towards the band of his pants I looked up at him but his eyes were closed with pleasure.

“Hannie,” I cooed “Do you want these off baby?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Fuck yeah, yes plese.” He said, finally opening his eyes to look at me.

He lifted his hips and I pulled down his sweatpants and boxers just enough for him to be freed. As I looked at the man in front of me I noticed how beautiful he looked like this. His honey skin covered with my marks and a slight sheen of sweat coating his body. The blush that was on his ear, cheeks, and chest slightly. And his dick wow. He was perfect in length and girth. He pulled me back up to him and we had another makeout session full of neediness from the both of us. I pulled away and made my way down his body once again. Once I reached his v-line where his pants were previously I left a few small pecks testing him slightly. He moaned and that is when I took his member in my mouth. It was slightly salty but so warm. I swirled my tongue around his tip a few times before slowly sinking my head down halfway. He slightly bucked up into my mouth when I stopped so I started bobbing my head up and down taking a bit more of him every time I went back down. One of his hands interlocked into my hair. Not pulling or pushing kind of just resting there. His other arm was behind his head and he looked down at me with half lidded eyes. I looked up at him as I took all of him in my mouth, my nose meeting his pelvis bone. This made him moan loudly and buck his hips up once again but this time he came down my throat. After a moment of helping him ride out his high I pulled off with a pop and looked up at him.

“Jagiya I am so sorry, your mouth was just so warm and perfect I couldn't last.”

“It's okay Hannie, I liked it.” I said licking my lips and giving him a reassuring smile.

He pulled me back up to him and engulfed me into a passionate kiss inserting his tongue into my mouth to taste himself. Something about that was so incredibly hot.

“That was so hot, thank you.”

“No need to thank me Han, I liked it too.” I said, smiling at him.

“Well next time it's all about you okay jagiya.”

“Okay, if you say so.” I said laughing slightly.

“I will be right back okay, why don't you get comfortable again.”

Han left the room for a moment. He came back cleaned up with sweatpants back on but he stayed shirtless and he had a cup.

“Here drink this, it's tea, it will help with your throat, trust me I know.” He said laughing as he handed me the cup and sat back in bed.

“Thank you Han.” I said, deciding not to question the last comment he made.

I drank the tea as Han and I stayed sitting up slightly in his bed. Once my cup was empty we laid down and went back to cuddling. This time he was laying on my chest, his cheek resting on my breasts. He fell asleep soon after and I just watched him. His mouth slightly parted, the way his cheeks look squished against my body, the way his hair falls over his face, his slight breaths. All around he looked perfect. I fell asleep listening to his small breaths and the slight background of the movie still playing.

Taglist: @strawberry31

#skz #skz x reader #skz smut #bang chan #slow burn #han jisung #smut #lee know

[illiana-mystery]

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't been as active on this blog or writing as frequently like I have in the past. Life has been a bit rough for me this year. But I'll leave it at that.

I am working on some stuff in the background, but for now, here's the first chapter of a fic I had on hiatus for a while.

Hope you enjoy! Happy reading! Oh and I will post this and a chapter 2 to my AO3 later. 😉

---

Eye of the Beholder

Plot: After a rough performance filled with jeering and insults, you (Beatriz) are hesitant to get back on stage. However, you know the show must go on lest the circus you work for lose money. Luckily, the Ringleader of the circus (and your secret crush), Clem Hoatley, comes to your trailer to talk it out with you. And he also brings you roses and compliments you. Does that mean that he likes you too? Guess you'll see soon.

SFW, Plus Size Reader, Friends to Lovers, Crushes, Hurt and Comfort, Body Positivity, Mild Bullying, Budding Love, Protective Lover

Taglist: @ghnaim24 ​, @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky ​, @iobsessoverfictionalmen ​, @emily-ella-nightshade89 ​, @goodoldcharley ​, @writingkitten ​​, @dreamlikedesires ​

---

The joyous sound of innocent child-like laughter and orchestral music invaded the trailer you now sat in.

It was quite the contrast to your melancholy and sense of dread, but still quite nice to hear. Although the tears still ran down your face.

You knew it shouldn't have effected you like it did, but yet it had a stranglehold on your psyche.

Yesterday was just a shitshow of a performance for you and it lingered in your mind as you prepared for your performance today.

The crowd was just nasty and rude, making fun of your ailment instead of just enjoying your uniqueness and talent like before. You never had that type of response, so it hurt even more.

But you couldn't help that you were overweight and had a full beard.

You had a condition.

A condition that was incurable.

And since joining the circus, you were more accepted and felt better about your condition.

You thought you escaped ridicule when you ran away from home at the dawn of your adulthood, but alas, it was back.

Back with a vengeance.

Your tears fell even more as you looked at yourself in the mirror.

For once in your adult life, you felt ugly in your own skin.

You couldn't help but notice how discolored your skin was, how plump your stomach was, and all of the cellulite that was exposed from the leotard and leggings you wore to perform.

You felt nautious just from glancing at your unflattering body, but tried to ignore it while brushing your hair with the antique brush that once belonged to your deceased mother.

Your beautiful, healthy, skinny mother.

Your mother that never struggled with her weight and looks. You envied her, even beyond the grave. And that just made you even more sad.

That was until you heard a knock on your door. You jumped, afraid of who was on the other side of the door.

You only had two friends at the circus, after all.

Those friends being Electra, the Electrified Lady, and Clem, the Ringleader.

And unbeknownst to you, at the time, it was Clem that was at the door.

The older man, that you had a massive crush on, was more than concerned about you. He saw how hurt you were after last night's performance. And he finally had the courage to tell you that you didn't have to perform tonight if you weren't comfortable.

The last thing he wanted was for you to get more hurt.

Sure, he would be losing money, but your feelings were more important to him than that. And if he had to host more geek shows to make up the lost revenue, he happily would.

"Beatriz, it's me, Clem," he softly said. "Can I come in?"

You blushed, and quickly replied,

"Yes, please come in. The door's unlocked."

The Ringleader came in immediately after he was granted entry, with a dozen roses clutched in his wrinkled hand. He was more than excited to give them to you, hinting that he really liked you.

But you were more than oblivious, despite how sweet Clem always was towards you. He always complimented you and gave you little gifts. You just thought he was being nice, but were still more than appreciative of his kindness.

And you didn't even notice him staring at you while you were still brushing your hair to put it up into a ponytail.

He had to stop himself from licking his lips as he gazed at your voluptuous body.

Every flaw you hated about you, he loved.

He really loved.

You were absolutely gorgeous to him.

He always liked his women bigger and your beard was quite charming to him. If anything, it highlighted your cheekbones and eyes.

But he didn't want to come on too strong, afraid that you would reject him for being an old geezer. So he approached you as a friend, even with his romantic gift of roses.

"Sorry," you apologized after you realized you were basically ignoring him while fixing your hair.

Slowly, you turned around and noticed him sitting on the chair nearby while the roses were on his lap. He only smiled at you before you sat down on the chair next to him.

"Are those for me?" you curiously asked.

"Yes," he said before he handed them to you. "You deserve them. You are my best performer after all."

"Thank you for the roses. I appreciate it. But you don't mean what you said," you scoffed. "I mean Electra is much better and actually attractive unlike me."

Clem made a face when you said that. He really didn't like you putting yourself down.

"Why? Because she's skinny?" he asked. "There's nothing wrong with you, Beatriz. There's nothing wrong with having more meat on your bones."

"I beg to differ," you moaned, turning away from him.

"That's actually why I came to check on you," he suddenly said. "I was afraid that you let those horrible people make you feel bad about your condition."

"No, they didn't make me feel bad. They just made me realize that I'm ugly and always will be."

"That's not true," he declared, as he took her hand. "That's not true at all, Beatriz. And you know that. There's nothing wrong with you."

"Clem, you don't have to lie to me," you insisted. "I appreciate your kindness, but you don't have to be untruthful to spare my feelings."

You started to cry again after that, breaking Clem's heart even more. He really did hate seeing you like this, but he knew a good way to comfort you.

That being all the love and affection he could muster in his cold, old heart.

So after swallowing his pride, he hugged you tight as your head fell against the cotton of his shirt and the flax thread of his left suspender.

His body felt warm and comforting too, which made you feel a little better. He had never hugged you before, so you did enjoy this little moment of weakness in his case.

"Clem, why are you doing this?"

"Because I care about you, kid," he said in his more assertive tone. "And because I care about you, I wanted to let you know that you don't have to perform tonight if you don't want to."

You shook a bit in shock, before looking up at him with wild, bewildered eyes.

"What? No, Clem. I have to."

"No, no you don't. You don't have to perform if you're not feeling up to it."

"I'll be fine, Clem. I can't just not perform. We'll lose money."

"I can host more geek shows if I need to," he insisted. "My chicken guy can supply me more chickens for that freak of nature if need be."

"I'm fine," you insisted while wiping your tears. "I just needed to let it out."

"Beatriz, you are in no shape to perform tonight. What if the crowd this time is just as bad or worse? I can't bear seeing you worse than this."

"I'll manage. I don't want to inconvenience you, Clem. I owe you for letting me live and work here anyway. You didn't have to do that for me."

"You're right. I didn't," he agreed after moving a loose strand of hair from your face. "But I'm glad I did. I'm very proud of you. You aren't that shy young woman any more and your performances have only gotten better."

"Thanks, Clem," you said with a noticeable blush on your cheeks. "You're much too kind to me."

"I'm not kind enough, honestly," he said with a visible blush on his cheeks too. "But if you insist on going out tonight, then I suggest you ignore any ignoramus that wants to insult you. Half of those chumps don't even know about real beauty. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Never forget that."

"Wow, that's very profound, Clem."

"Thanks," he said with a snicker. "Now, would you give me the honor of escorting you to the big top? The show's starting soon."

"Sure. I would love that."

He smiled, before he took a rose out of the bouquet and put it on your hair.

"I think that accentuates you cute outfit more," he cooed, making you giggle.

"Oh, thank you."

"Ready now," he asked, extending his hand out.

"Yep, I'm ready."

"Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls, feast your eyes on the greatest wonder in this world," Clem dramatically said as the spotlight hit you where you sat in the middle of the big top.

"Here before you today is a woman like no other. A woman with the strength of 60 men, the aerodynamics of a hawk, and the grace of a swan. Please put your hands together for the voluptuous vixen herself, Beatrix the Bearded Lady!"

On que, you got up and smiled at Clem before you began your performance. Like normal, you began with an intensive interpretive dance, purposely exerting your body to both stretch and impress.

After the warm up, you began to do the "aerodynamic stunts" you were known for. Stunts that involved jumping from high heights, basic acrobatics, and lifting heavy objects.

You did it all flawlessly, and luckily tonight the crowd was much nicer and very entertained. You even got a standing ovation.

You bowed reverently at the audience, before peeking over at Clem.

His face was deep red as a big smile appeared. He was so happy to see you content and treated right by the audience.

It absolutely tickled him pink.

So you smiled and waved at him, before going behind the curtain to cool off. Gently, you sat down before a voice rang in your ears.

“Beatriz!” the voice called out. You turned around to find the voice, only to see your other friend making her way over to you.

“Electra!” you chirped before the brunette woman hugged you as tight as she could.

Immediately, you noticed she was in her usual tight electricity-proof rubber suit while her long hair was tied up in a bun. Her makeup was also on point like usual.

“Bea, you were amazing out there! I'm so glad you decided to perform today. I hoped you didn't let those fools get you down.”

“Thanks, Elle,” you started. "But I did let the fools get to me. Clem made me feel better when he checked on me earlier, though.”

“I should have known Clem helped you out,” she said with a smirk before looking over at the Ringleader.

He had just announced their fire eater, Ian aka Fuego, to the stage so he was off to the side.

Curiously, his eyes moved to the open part of the curtain just so he could see you again. But instead, his eyes caught Electra’s.

He embarrassingly blushed and then went back to watching Ian.

“What do you mean?” you asked her.

“Oh, Bea, is it not obvious?” she softly asked.

“Is what obvious?”

“That Clem has feelings for you.”

“No, he doesn't like me. I like him,” you admitted. “Why would he like me? I'm not pretty like you.”

“Bea!” Electra scolded you. “Don't say that. You're gorgeous. Beard and all. Just because you're different, it doesn't mean you're ugly. Besides, Clem admires your uniqueness. I know this to be true. He only dates circus performers. I've known him a little longer than you have. Even with other performers he's liked, he's never been as charming and sweet to them as he has been to you. You really melted his cold heart.”

You blushed.

“You think so?”

“I know so. You'll see soon enough. I'm rooting for you two though. You would be cute.”

“That was Fuego the Fire-Eater,” Clem announced to the roaring crowd. His assistants came out soon after to set up Electra’s set as he began to introduce her, “Now feast your eyes on this…”

“That's my que. I'll see you after I'm done, Bea,” she said to you before hugging you again.

“Break a leg!” you yelled to her.

“Thanks, I will,” she replied back, smiling at you before she met Clem in the middle of the big top.

“Welcome Electra, the Electrified Lady!” Clem cheered. You watched as your friend bowed before the applauding crowd and then took her seat on her set.

She was surrounded by coils and lightning rods like usual, and had her confident smile on as Clem’s assistants helped her with her performance.

And Clem excitedly narrated everything, getting the crowd even more hyped as her performance went on.

However, you did notice him subtly looking over at you as you were watching your friend. He would smile and wink at you when he was in between narrations.

It made you blush, but you just acted like it didn't mean anything.

Sure you trusted Electra, but you didn't want to get your hopes up.

Her performance lasted another five minutes before she met you backstage again.

You hugged her as soon as you could reach her before congratulating her on another stellar performance.

“Aww, thanks Bea. It was nothing,” she insisted. “It's the same routine. I wish I could switch it up some more.”

“Maybe I can help?” you suggested.

“Sure. I wouldn't mind the help. But let's worry about that tomorrow. I'm tired and hungry,” she replied before asking, “Want to go back to my trailer? I can get Roger to go into town to get us some food.”

“That sounds amazing,” you responded. “Let's go.”

The two of you walked out of the big top performer entrance with your arms linked together. You both were gossiping about your coworkers and giggling in between as you made your way to the trailer.

The moon was high, the wind was calm, and you had not a care in the world.

You finally felt at peace with yourself again.

That was until you heard hurried footsteps behind you.

Both you and Electra were alarmed by it but before you could look behind you, you felt a sharp pain in your back above your leotard.

Your shaky hands moved over to the pain and your fingers picked at the mush of a tomato.

A tomato that now stained the back of your leotard.

“Eat your vegetables, fatty!” one of the assailants jeered at you.

It wasn't even a clever remark, but it still enraged you. Swiftly you turned around to face him, only to be hit with another tomato.

Electra was frozen in confusion at the attack, so she could do nothing before the three teens started to pelt you with more tomatoes.

You screamed and tried to grab Electra and run away but they were faster.

“You really think you're wanted?” one of them asked.

“Why does that weird old man even keep you around? You're more of a freak than that geek,” another insulted.

Clem heard the commotion when it first started, but had to wait for the next performers to come out.

Once the acrobats started, he told one of his assistants to take over for a minute before he went to see what was going on.

He followed your and Electra's screams for help until he found the teenagers trapping you two in the corner of an alley.

Slowly he approached behind them, grabbing the wrist of the main antagonist before he could throw again.

He paused in fear of the sensation of the wrinkled hand tightening around his wrist. And the other two gulped as they looked Clem dead in the eyes.

The older man knew these hooligans all too well and was quite feared by the three.

He had hoped that they weren't behind the attack, but he also wasn't surprised.

They were the ones that started the crowds jeering and snarling at you the night before.

“Oh, hi Mr. Hoately,” the main boy said, fear deep in his voice.

Clem hissed at him before asking,

“You didn't torment my friend enough yesterday?!”

“Well, no sir…we were just playing a game…”

“Don't look like any game I've ever seen. And it doesn't seem like my performers are having fun playing this game either.”

“Oh that's just…”

“Save it, Matthias,” he snarled before he snatched the tomato from him and tightened his grip around his wrist.

“Oww, Mr. Hoatley, you're hurting me.”

“Oh, it's just a little bruising you'll get. Nothing too serious,” he teased. “Now beat it before I call the Sheriff and your parents. And I better not catch any of you on the premises of my circus again.”

He let go of his wrist after before they all fearfully ran away from the scene.

You were crying again by the time Clem reached you to comfort you. Electra was trying to calm you down first, but then relented once Clem put his arms around you.

“You alright, Beatriz?” he softly asked.

“I am now. Thank you for saving us.”

“Of course,” he happily said. “I care about you girls.”

Electra warmly smiled at the Ringleader, before saying,

“I'm sorry I didn't do more, Clem. It's just you told us not to fight the patrons and I panicked and…”

“It's okay, Electra. Those boys won't be bothering you two again. Also you were allowed to fight them if you had to. The Sheriff would have taken our side. Our circus brings a lot of revenue to this town.”

“I'll remember that,” she softly said.

“There, there, Beatriz. I won't let go until you want me to,” he assured as you kept crying into his shirt.

“Clem, they were insulting her again,” Electra told him.

“Right. Well it doesn't matter what three snot-nosed kids think. They wouldn't know true beauty if it hit them in the nose.”

“I couldn't agree more,” she responded.

“Beatriz, there's something I've been meaning to ask you,” Clem suddenly said after.

“Yes?” you asked, raising your head to meet his eyes.

“Would you like to accompany me to dinner tomorrow night…say around 9?”

Your heart started beating fast when he asked that.

Did he just ask you out on a date?

You couldn't believe it. Was this a dream? It had to be a dream, right?

“Clem, are you asking me on a date?”

“Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. I like you a lot, Bea. I just had to find the courage to ask. And I think right now is the best time.”

The biggest smile appeared on your face before you looked over at Electra who was also excited for you.

“Well, what do you say? It would make this old man very happy if you said yes.”

“Oh, Clem. Yes, I'll go out with you tomorrow night,” you happily said before you hugged him again and kissed his cheek.

He blushed after you kissed his cheek, before he kissed yours.

“I'm so glad you said yes,” he chirped. “You're the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long time.”

You blushed.

“Thanks, Clem. I'll see you then.”

“See you then,” he said after he let you go. “I have to go back to the big top, but Roger will be around if you need anything. You girls have a good rest of your evening.”

“Thanks, Clem. We will,” you chirped before he left you two alone.

You both screamed in delight after, just giddy that it finally happened.

Electra was right.

He did like you.

He always liked you.

“I told you he liked you,” Electra teased as you began your walk to the trailer again.

“I know. I should have listened.”

“It's okay,” she gently said. “Trust me. I know what it's like to doubt my self worth and esteem too. But Clem's right. You're a beautiful woman who deserves happiness and love. And I think Clem is willing to provide that for you.”

“I think so too. But I don't know what I'm gonna wear.”

“How about this…you help me with my routine changes and I'll help doll you up for your date. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Good. Now let's stop at your trailer first so you can change. And I'll take your leotard and clean it. I have a trick to get these tomato stains out that my mother taught me.”

“Okay. And thanks. You're a life saver.”

“Of course. What are friends for? Also we need to flag down Roger. I'm getting hungry.”

“Same,” you replied before you both started giggling.

---

Stay tuned for Chapter 2 where Beatriz and Clem go on their first date to Clem's favorite diner. It's gonna be a lot of fluff and some smut. 😉😊

#happy reading #this has been a long time coming #i've been meaning to give clem a fic #because i love this carny #hope you like it #clem hoately #nightmare alley #nightmare alley (2021) #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #body postivity #plus size reader #circuscore #circus performer #circus fic #reader fic #bearded lady #willem dafoe

[1bringthesun]

have any of you read “Dancing Girl?” gosh, it just made me sad. Mori Ougai is a really good author haha, hahaha. hah… h-

.

..

…

yeah i’m relating this to bsd! Mori. BITE ME!! ahem. so in this essay i will be talking about Elise and Mori’s relationship. i’ve already established i don’t see her as his “wife” or the object of his sexual desires, and i’ve also mentioned i like the “Elise is his daughter,” way of seeing things, however … well, there’s more than just that.

1) Elise represents his inner child

2) Elise preserves the memory of a dead lover and is his “partner”

3) Elise is a child-figure to him

those numbers will be reused in that order to mean the same thing later, but first, background and “Dancing Girl!”

so i think that, within the definition of his and Elise’s relationship, Mori embodies Toyotarou from “Dancing Girl” more than Kanei from “Vita Sexualis” (i think i learned which type of media went in italics and which sort in quotes some time in third grade, but it’s been entirely too long and therefore i’ve forgotten all of it and you’ll have to excuse my poor grammar if im messing it up). why, you may ask? well, first of all, Elise is literally from that novel. second of all, i’ve just skimmed vita sexualis (- an asexual) while “Dancing Girl” managed to catch my attention a lot more. plus, Mori was one of the characters that Asagiri explicitly stated he wanted to add in, and we all know just how evil Asagiri Kafka can be when he feels like it.

… why is the space so long ? why are these spaces different sizes?? this is really bugging me … but whatever, i’ll try my best to ignore it … (nevermind it looks perfectly normal when i post it i guess it’s just a. draft thing)

ahem, so, in “Dark Era,” Mori basically goes “damn Dazai you’re suicidal as hell! you remind me of myself hahah!” and i feel like that’s pretty concrete evidence Mori Did Not have a happy childhood (i mean, duh, considering he was trigger-happy to friendly fire as an important military man at 20 some years old) and was likely suicidal in the past too, to some extent. in that sense, the chains that tie Dazai down, if they’re Odasaku’s last words, are the Port Mafia for Mori. he cannot die as long as he’s sane and capable of leading the PM, because he’s basically the very embodiment of it.

⚠️SPOILERS FOR “DANCING GIRL!”⚠️

alright, onto “Dancing Girl.” i’ll give you a quick rundown. it’s basically about this college dude (25 or so) (haha that reminds me of the, “am i the asshole?” posts. i (M26) just fell in love with a girl (F18) of whom i’ve known since she was a minor and i was still an adult. i got her pregnant by some time after she became of-age, then i left her to pursue my career. am i the asshole?) (godamn it tai you just spoiled the whole novel) (i’ll put a spoiler warning up somewhere in the beginning) (bear with me) with depression who falls in love with a… looks at the parenthesis and sighs deeply.

he doesn’t see any point in anything because his life was just a glorified projection of his mother and school’s desires, so he starts being a little more hedonistic and learning about the arts instead of becoming a lawyer like they wanted him to. he meets Elise (her name) and basically immediately feels attracted to her in some way he can’t put into words (she’s 17ish when they meet btw) and starts teaching her things and basically acting like a sponsor to her. they don’t start getting romantic and/or sexual until some unsaid period of time passes. now i personally choose to interpret this as her turning 18 before they do all that stuff, but since it never explicitly says, well… yeah. Toyotarou is used to living his life in a cushy-ish manner as a child prodigy and what have you, but he eventually gives that away to live with Elise. that being said, his “giving it away” was less of a choice to be with her and more of a digression from a perfect machine into a person with his own stunted feelings.

she makes him satisfied, and he makes her very deeply happy, but eventually he chooses his career over her and she goes crazy because of how betrayed she feels- she really deeply loved him, after all. he pays her mother enough to keep her afloat and to take care of the baby he left in her stomach, and went back to Japan without another word. Toyotarou! you bastard!! (it’s not like he was without remorse, though)

anyway back to the numbers.

1) Mori’s past is pure speculation, but he was a military doctor ranked quite high as a very young man, one that didn’t hesitate to shoot someone on his own side no less (like i said) so it’s probably a given he didn’t have a stress-free childhood. this is an excerpt from “Dancing Girl,” in which i think explains the possibility that Elise represents the angry child inside of Mori that he never got to let out as a real child.

2) given what i said above, this also feels pretty self-explanatory. we basically only know two things about Mori, that he would do anything for the greater good (which is usually the PM/yokohama), and that he longs for a “partner” who will understand and not leave him. it’s possible Fukuzawa filled that role for a while, but Mori is a little unhinged and did some bad things out of obsession, which severed their ties because of Fukuzawa’s innate nature. Mori has called Elise his partner (tsuma, AKA person who stays by my side) (i know nobody says tsuma and means it that way but considering “Yatsugare san” exists (yes i’m looking straight at you, AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE), i wouldn’t put it past Asagiri to use tsuma in that manner) before and acts dramatic as all hell when she dies. it’s almost like … someone called Elise really DID die before?

3) this requires the least explanation. we already know Mori likes children in a non-pedo way, shown by things like how he helped Atsushi gather his courage in Anne’s room (which did nothing for him, btw) and his profession in the beast AU. but what sort of mafia don has a cute daughter?? that’s like ASKING for her to be killed. so Elise, the product of Vita Sexualis, is the next best thing he can have!

Elise also is a lot like the Toyotarou, while Mori acts more like Elise when they’re together. it’s just something i noticed watching the two interact in BSD and DG. the whole idea of having no autonomy is kinda Elise’s (BSD) thing, isn’t it?

my phone is now 20% and i have no charger. i have probably 69 viruses and also since i have apps like tiktok, wechat, and discord… you can imagine how much this poor device suffers, but i regret nothing. yahoo! hope you enjoyed my rant~

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #dancing girl #a german dancing girl specifically named Elise #bsd elise #bsd mori #mori ougai #Mori Elise #can i call her Mori Elise?? i mean she’s basically his daughter anyway so #Mori and Elise #toyotarou #god they make me sad #Mori is so traumatized and so babygirl #not all would understand #anyway i’m getting carried away even in the hashtags.. is this who we are??? #AH MY PHONE IS AT 5% WHAT THE HELL. #okay i’m posting it now i hope this gets some attention because otherwise i might go crazy /j

[peridyke]

hey I'm gonna talk about something that has to do with something serious from my childhood. its actually not about anything that happened to me but it still hangs over me. trigger warning for rape below

when I was a kid my dad lived in an apartment across from a family who had a daughter who was about the age of my brother from my dad's side. big clarification here everything I say is NOT about the brothers I usually mention on here those are the ones from my mom's side who are both good people who haven't hurt anyone. that's always a thing I worry about when I talk about this brother because I don't want people to confuse him with them.

anyways when I was a kid my brother and his friend raped our neighbors daughter after getting her drunk. it was something I didn't understand at the time especially because he was always getting in trouble but that I realized when I was older. their daughter was always kind to me when I was young. I remember her sitting in the grass with me outside the apartment and showing me her cockatiel. I worry that...her time spent with me hurts her now because of what my brother did. I also worry that maybe being with me made her trust my family too much but I don't think that was the case. even so it makes me really upset to think about what he did to her. I hate my brother and I just pray that's the only time he hurt someone in that way. I feel so sad thinking about what he did to this poor girl. augh...I have a doctors appointment coming up and I think I need to seriously start talking about therapy. I don't wanna keep using this blog/my private twitter as my only place where I can talk in detail about my childhood. I have some serious stuff I really need to work through. I just hate how much of my childhood is now a burning wound. my formerly precious memories are ruined. its a heartbreak thats hard to explain unless you've gone through the same thing. I've said this before but in a lot of ways I feel a bit mentally stuck in the period of my life before my brothers had to leave when I was 5 and when the abuse from my parents began to happen. I feel like an adult in my everyday life but I think the abuse really impaired my growth. I think its common for people to miss their childhood but sometimes I think there's something more serious going on with me. blaaaaaah sorry for using my steven universe themed tumblr to vent about this stuff its all I haaaaaaaave

#txt #tw rape #tw abuse

[kayzero]

For the ideas wanted post, I always find people's different interpretations of how Quark functions after different endings in VLR so so interesting, since they're a character i've analyzed so so much. so a Quark-centric writing of them after one of the endings in which they're alive and get out?

This takes place during/after Luna END.

Weeks and months and years ago, when Quark was little, littler than he is now, he would sometimes wake up without Grandpa. He would panic, he would cry, he would be convinced that this was it, Grandpa finally got tired of having a little kid around, he’s gone and never coming back. And always, without fail, Grandpa would come back, see his sorry state, and calm him down, explaining that he just had to get an early start on work, and Quark looked too comfortable to disturb.

He grew out of that phase when he started helping Grandpa out with scavenging in earnest. He started to understand why it was so important that he get up early, get to the good stuff before anyone else. The memories fell to the back of his mind, like baby teeth from his mouth.

When Quark wakes up after being sedated in Rhizome-9, he knows for a fact that Grandpa is dead.

The surety comes from the same place that screams for freedom, howls at being chained up in this flesh prison where he could die at any moment. The visions he’d been having in the first round of the AB Game with Dio and Grandpa crop back up. He could be sliced with a scalpel, buried under trash, killed by a cultist — and even if he could avoid all the ugly, violent deaths, he couldn’t avoid death by sickness or old age.

But the sedative still floating around in his system combined with the shock of his Grandpa’s death make him numb, and let him see the tantrum he threw objectively — and it was a tantrum, albeit one over his very life instead of some toy he wanted — but more than that, it reminded him of something he had seen on the streets with Grandpa.

The people who got infected with Radical-6. The Cultists and the Damned. They ranted about the state of the world being divine judgement, that humanity would shrivel up and die out eventually, that there was no point in struggling because they would do it to themselves.

The Cultists grew in fervor, shifted to talking about the world that would rise from the rubble that the world was covered in. The Damned all ended up dead by their own hands.

Quark had almost joined them.

Might still. Grandpa’s dead, what’s the point?

Quark put his hands on the ground and pushed himself so that he was sitting against the wall instead of laying on the hard metal floor.

“Oh good, you’re awake. I didn’t wanna have to struggle to get you into this suit.”

He tilts his head up and sees Miss Phi, dressed in a spacesuit but missing the helmet. Looks at her with dead eyes that were still too alive because his body is still moving while his soul is screaming that Grandpa is dead—

He tries to tune out the howling. “Why do you want me to get in the suit, Miss Phi?”

“There’s some sort of pressure difference between this room and the outside world, and the suit’s what we need to survive it.”

“But what about the AB Game?”

The flinty, cool look Miss Phi usually wears gives way to something close to what the people Grandpa used to talk to wear when they look at him. Kinda sad, kinda frustrated.

“You’ve been asleep for a while. The AB Game’s over. We won.”

He doesn’t feel like a winner. He doesn’t say that out loud.

Instead he goes, “So you want to leave?”

“Yeah, and I have to bring you with me because you’re too young to be on your—“ She stops herself with wide eyes and a hand that stops halfway up to cover her mouth, because—

Because Miss Phi knows. She knows Grandpa is dead, she thinks that Quark doesn’t know, she doesn’t want to tell him (right now? ever?). The howling starts snarling at her now, his mind starts whirling with mean things and bad words to say to her, things he said when the adults wouldn’t let him—

Well. He doesn’t feel like being mean, but he doesn’t feel like being nice either. He settles for polite and factual.

“You know there’s nothing out there, right?”

“What? What do you mean by that?”

He doesn’t have a bracelet on, and Grandpa’s already dead, so nothing stops him from saying, “We’re on the moon.”

“…What?”

“We’re in a research base on the moon. Grandpa told me before we got on the ship. But the pilot knocked us out, so it was probably a one-way trip.”

As he talks, Miss Phi backs up until her back hits the wall, slowly sliding down until she’s sitting on the floor like he is. She doesn’t move, except to wrap her arms around her shins and bury her face into the collar of the space suit.

They stay like that for a while.

#kay snippets #zero escape #virtue’s last reward #quark vlr #phi vlr #I forgot what spelling of grandpa quark uses in vlr #if this turns into a longer fic i’ll do actual research

[lordshroom]

@lexa-ocean

Here is my submission for the @mutantmayhemgiftexchange! The prompt was about the MM turtles finding out they're autistic. It was a fun challenge, and I'm glad I got to write about it!

Happy Holidays!

New York City never slept. Instead, when the moon hung over the infinite skyscrapers, a new breed of life emerged. Neon lights spilled out from their signs and into the streets, transforming the neutral bricks and pavements into a symphony of colors. Despite the vibrant atmosphere, most people keep their noses down lest they bump into the wrong person. Or animal. While this created a nest of selfish, superstitious folk, it did have its benefits. It provided the perfect cover for the teenagers goofing around on the rooftops.

Weeks had passed since they saved the planet, becoming the city’s heroes, which led to their acceptance into high school. While it took some time, they eventually found their people. Even with the mountain of new responsibilities, it was the best thing that’s happened to them. A whole world of new possibilities opened up to them.

But nostalgia crept in, reminding them of the simple comforts of just messing around. So, on quiet weekends like this, they got together to do some nonsense together.

Mikey placed a soda on the roof's edge, stepping back and pulling out his phone. He gave a thumbs up to Raph, who pulled out a ninja star. 

It reminded Leo of how they met April, how his heart sank when the ninja star vanished over the side of the roof. He suspected that repeating this might go as well as last time.

“Do you have to throw that?” Leo said. Raph closed his eyes, bringing down the ninja star. “I know this is our chill time and all but it might be a bit too dangerous, you know?” Leo’s words squirmed around, toeing the line between a responsible adult figure and another one of the guys.

“But the fun part is watching the soda explode all over the place! Mikey’s gonna get it in slow-mo.” 

Leo’s gaze flicked down, then back up to Raph. The authoritarian tone that was barely present before vanished entirly. Now, he was just a sad teenager. It melted Raph's heart enough that he sheathed the ninja star. Leo sighed in relief, joining Raph as he sat down next to Donnie. Mikey shrugged, grabbing the sodas and handing them out. 

Raph downed the whole soda in one go, and topped off his feat with a loud burp.

Donnie waved his hand, “Eww, dude.” They shared a laugh, nudging each other around. 

“It’s been a while since we got a moment of peace like this.” Leo said.

Mikey fidgeted with his soda tab, “Yeah, between all the human stuff digging into our ninja time, we barely have any time to be bros together.” His fingernail caught on the metal, cracking the drink open. He frowned, taking a sip. “I mean, I like it. I like being with the other kids at school. I don’t know, sometimes everything feels too loud… if that makes sense.” 

Donnie nodded, “I get that. It’s nice to talk to another face about K-pop and anime, but the words come out wrong.”

The feeling was mutual between the brothers. A feeling that caused Leo to hide behind his soda. It had occasionally flared up with April, however it was at its worst when he talked with his other peers—a barrier beyond his green skin. 

“Same. I mean, April’s cool but the other humans are harder to feel out.” 

Raph snorts, “Or maybe April’s the only one you want to talk to.” 

“I’m serious, Raph. You must have felt it. A certain thing in the way of us being ‘normal’.” 

“Dude, we live in the sewers. Our dad’s a rat. We’re turtles! No matter what, we’re never going to be 100% one of them. Might as well enjoy where we’re at now.”  Raph’s eyes dart to the side to avoid his brother’s gaze. 

The only sound to be heard was a distant ally cat. 

Leo fidgeted with his empty can, “Maybe it’s something more than the whole mutant situation. Something deeper than that.”

Donnie picked his head up, “Deeper? Like there’s an actual reason we can’t talk to people?” 

“I don’t know, you’re the smart guy.”

Donnie rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, “Just because I’m the smartest doesn’t mean I’m the only one who can use Google.” 

“Nah, It just makes you the best!” Mikey chirped. 

Donnie smiled, scrolling through his phone. His eyes squinted as he read. 

“‘Youths might find socialization difficult if they grew up in a stressful or traumatic environment. Which can cause anxiety and different disorders.’”

Raph cracked a smile, “I guess they would consider living in the sewers for years and fighting’ big monsters “stressful”.” The others shrugged, leaning in as Donnie continued.

“‘In addition, difficulty socializing could be a sign of neurodivergence, such as autism, ADHD, and personality disorders.’” Donnie stopped reading aloud, glued to the article. His brothers waited in a mildly confused panic.

“Uh, hey? Everything okay?” Leo rhythmically patted his lap.

After a minute, Donnie straightened his neck to face the others.

“I think we’re autistic.”

All of them glanced at Donnie, then at each other, each sharing the same perplexed expression. Raph cracked open another soda, sensing that this was going to be a long night.

“Like, I’m reading this and it’s making sense? It explains the whole antisocial deal we got. Then there are the other symptoms like hyperfixating, stimming, whole bunch of other stuff, too. Look, I’ll send it in the group chat. You all see for yourself.”

They dug out their phones and started reading with more passion than they had read anything before. Normally, they would never dream of doing such a thing with their limited free time, but the offer was all too tempting.

The article gave them a taste of answers, a place to start from. It didn’t take long for the group to split off into the corners of the internet. Donnie searched for other scholarly sites, while Raph and Mikey delved into blogs and social media posts. Seeing their experiences reflected over and over again across the virtual globe, it made them feel seen like never before . 

But Leo couldn’t leave the first article. To him, this proposition seemed unreal. He knew they were different, obviously. It was one thing to be a freak, but to claim this identity and hold it up like a shield? 

All his life, Leo had assured himself that he didn’t need the human world. That he and his brothers were better off living in the sewers and conforming to Splinter’s scorn of humans. Of course, that changed when he met April. She was everything he thought he could never have. Meeting her led to him going to school, a dream come true. 

Then why wasn’t he content? Why was there this thorn stuck in his heart, throbbing with every gasp for air? He was a hero! The people loved him, he saved them! But he was still cool and down to earth. He was still a good person. Right? 

His hands spontaneously flexed, a quirk he’s had for as long as he could remember. Mikey peeked up from his phone and nudged Donnie.

“I always wondered why you did that,” Donnie said. Leo blinked and refocused.

“Sorry?”

“With your hands, you read the article, right? Apparently, it’s called stimming. It helps with stress and such.” 

Leo stuffed his arms inside his armpits. A heat growing in his cheeks.

“Are you sure, though? This is a genuine medical condition, isn’t it wrong to label ourselves like this? I mean, real people are autistic and struggle with this every day. We’re just kids who stumbled into this word on the internet!  That doesn’t make us suddenly autistic.” 

Donnie apologized, going back to his phone, suddenly guilty. Leo didn’t enjoy bringing down the mood, but he was the oldest. It was his job as leader to lead them. This was best for everyone, even if it didn’t feel like it.

Mikey didn’t buy it.

“Yeah, you’re right. This is a disorder that people have, and it can feel wrong to do what it takes a psychiatrist years of training to do. But if we believe that we’re autistic, then why should we ignore it? It’s not like we can see a therapist. As long as we are honest and do this to understand ourselves, there’s no harm done, right?” 

The sun poked through the horizon, casting an orange glaze over the city. Leo moved his hands to his lap, mulling over everything. 

“Alright,” Leo stood up, his voice tired, “why don’t we head back to the lair? We can do some more research on Donnie’s computer. The sun’s almost out.” 

The three brothers stood up, nodding. As Leo turned around, he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. Mikey curled next to him, forcing a hug. Leo smiled, hugging him back.

The bedroom had been converted into a makeshift research lab. Every device with an internet connection remained within arm's reach with multiple tabs open. Important findings were scribbled on paper scraps and gathered in a messy pile. Donnie spent more time organizing the pile than contributing to it. This wasn’t a problem since Raph and Mikey were contributing massive amounts of information. Leo never found anything he felt worthy of going into the pile. Instead, he discussed his brother’s notes with Donnie. The dialogue allowed him to get more into it. A faint heat was still trapped in his cheeks, but talking with Donnie made it better. 

Splinter, searching for the source of the silence, poked his head into their room. Normally, a father seeing his children quietly reading would bring parental satisfaction like no other. Splinter was not a normal father. 

“What are you boys doing?” 

Leo turned around, his father cautiously venturing deeper into the room. He waved a hand to Donnie, encouraging him to continue working. 

He would talk to Dad.

“Sorry Master Splinter, me and the guys are just looking into a thingy.” His body shifted so often in the one sentence that it was like stepping on coals.

“There is something you are not telling me. You know I figure everything out eventually.” His eyes narrowed, barely visible behind the glare in his glasses. Though only for a moment before he recoiled, “Not in an invasive way! I respect your boy’s privacy. I just want to make sure you’re okay, is all.”

Leo sighed, “It’s nothing, really. Well, not nothing, nothing. But the jury is still kinda out on this so we’re working through some stuff and… yeah.” His throat tightened. 

This was the next step: admitting to someone else that they were autistic. Leo hesitated, unable to meet his father’s eyes. His hands started to flex. 

But it felt wrong now. He was faking it. He just wanted to be autistic so that he could throw an excuse at people. A reason he was weirder than the other people. Yes, this was the issue. Not living underground for fifteen years, not being a freak, it was just autism. The guilt pulled him down, drowning him in his own brain. He was such a selfish-

Splinter rested a hand on Leo’s shoulder, “Are you alright?”

The gesture reminded Leo when he would cuddle up to Splinter late at night. He was small enough to fit perfectly into his father’s lap. The world was so small back then. 

Leo took a deep breath, “We were on the rooftop and started talking about stuff and … well, we might be autistic?”

“Oh. What does that mean?” 

“So it’s a neurological disorder that covers a lot of ground, but it explains a lot of why we are the way we are. I’m sure Donnie could explain it to you in much more detail because it’s a bit much for me too.” Leo forced a laugh.

Splinter, however, gave a genuine chuckle, “My son, for most of my life, there were many things I didn’t want to understand. Humans, mostly. I thought that no good could come from them. But then you and your brothers started learning about them, and I learned from you. And I’m so glad that the human world has given you so much to be happy about. So if you learned something that would make you happy, and sharing that with me will help make you happy, then I will learn whatever you need me to. I want to do anything I can to support you boys.” 

Leo’s head lifted. Even if he didn’t understand everything yet, he didn’t have to do this alone. He never did.

He took his father’s hand and led him over to his brothers. They welcomed him, sharing their findings. Splinter was confused at first but caught on quickly. His boys hadn’t changed. Instead, they had found a new perspective on themselves. With this new perspective, they created some new house rules. Rule number one is that they were all new to this and they’ll figure it out as they go. It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t about perfection. 

The turtles stood outside room 234, listening to the quiet chatter inside. Raph hesitantly reached for the handle, then pulled away, walking a circle around his brothers.

“I can’t do this, man! Feels like I’m gonna hurl.”

Mikey tucked his shirt back into his pants, “Dude, you found the flier. This was your idea.”

“I know. I know.” Raph sighed, “It’s just so hard.”

Leo stepped forward, placing a hand on the handle, “This first step is always the hardest.”

The door creaked open and the chattering stopped. A small group of students stood around a box of pizza, observing the brothers. One girl scooped up the box and brought it over to them.

“I’m so glad you could make it! Welcome to the Autistics United Club! Right now, it’s more of a glorified hang-out spot. Once I start planning stuff, this place will really come to life.” Mikey stuffed a slice in his mouth, raising his other hand out. The girl shook it, smiling. “Come on, we only got the room for another hour. My name’s Ivy.”

“I’m Leonardo,” he looked back at his brothers, itching to meet everyone, “we’re glad to be here too!”

#tmnt #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt mutant mayhem #mutant mayhem gift exchange

[joesalw]

https://www.tumblr.com/joesalw/737876378901495808/damn-people-are-really-getting-sick-of-her-every

This Reddit thread is really eye opening. I am a couple of years older than Taylor and have a 9 year old daughter and I just can’t imagine behaving like her parents did with an adolescent kid. No matter the wealth and access you have. Nowadays you have to be so conscious of social media and YouTube and every kid wanting to be a star, I can’t imagine Taylor growing up in today’s world. It’s really sad. I wish her parents protected her more. I get the desire to want to support your kids’ dreams but at what cost?

With all of that said, she is a grown adult now and needs to recognize the truth. Don’t manipulate a situation to attack someone with your army of a fan base. Growing up alongside Taylor I’ll be honest she annoyed me and I didn’t listen to her music lol thought she just sounded immature. My daughter listens to her old stuff now and I still struggle with the cringe. But I finally gave reputation a chance a few months after it’s release then liked Lover and folklore/evermore I was like ok here is the adult Taylor finally using her craft to showcase her skill. I became a big fan and drank the pink, white feminist Kool-aid. Flash forward to now and I was already losing interest with her antics since the split from Joe. (Side note I’ve always like Joe and followed his work from the beginning, he’s worked with some really talented people and I can’t wait to see his talent shine more.) But the more I hear from older swifties talking about what happened in the beginning of her career I am so turned off. I really wonder what mindfuck her parents put her through, particularly her dad. While I can have empathy for that, the lack of accountability Taylor takes with any situation is so disheartening. I have seen narcissism brought up with her name countless times. The irony of Swifties not seeing the parallels to MAGA.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future but I think people’s eyes are opening up. One of my friends posted a quote from her Time article and I commented saying how disruptive it was to actual feminism. She did not like that but I think they’re important convos to have. Thank you for providing a space for us all to vent - there are clearly a lot of us.

this is why i say she has been exploited since early childhood. her parents were huge music fans and they wanted their daughter to become a music sensation too. it's weird how well documented her life is since her birth, which helps them earn money even now. makes you raise some eyebrows for real.

#anti taylor swift

[period-of-nocturne]

So I finally read Find a Way Out

Actually I read it about two hours ago

And I'm still a mess. Like I want to die to live to cry to laugh to throw up to explode to absolutely everything at once and it won't leave me

Akito is so gorgeous, So precious so pretty so beautiful have you seen him. Have you SEEN him. Look at him. Look at this boy he's so perfect.

The flashback is the first thing that ruined me my little baby he didn't deserved that (he's fourteen his voice just broke and he has nothing but a dream why are some adults acting like huge bastards with him don't they have a life ???) but at the same time he was so beautiful

You know Ena during Blank Canvas ? And the way she knew she was falling behind everyone but took back art class nonenthless? I always thought she was so freaking cool for that.

And Akito did something similar here at Crawl Green. He knew he wasn't ready to stand there. But he did it. The way the Shinonome aren't scared to face things no matter how it hurts to get what they want always leave me speechless they look so sad and you want to hug them but at the same time they're radiating while doing so. My lil' boy was so pretty standing up there and singing until the end despite knowing how it would go. Just for that he was already better than everyone else in the room.

BUT OH MY GOD when those mf of older musicians appeared in front of him in the present. AND HOW HE EXPLODED THEM. He's so beautiful you can't understand I'm so proud of my boy I'm more proud of him than he's proud of himself. And by the way for hell's sake could he let himself be happy for like. Two minutes? Dude you're Shinonome Akito we all know you won't be satisfied by this and stop there, you could have take ten minutes to be proud of yourself I swear it wouldn't have slow you down. I swear he's such an idiot. But it's fine I'll be a kid about it for him instead because Akito Shinonome is better than you and he was always better than you because he's born perfect cry about it morons of older musicians

What else. I could draw a parallel between how Akito thought it was stupid to feel relieved right now when he's still far away from his goal and what Harumichi said to Toya in an earlier episode so I can also mention that damn I love Toya.

His dad and his boyfriend are both huge idiot for thinking that way so I love how he's able to recognize his own achievements and be happy about it. I love Toya for being the braincell Akito miss (And Akito is also the braincell Toya miss it was proved several time as well. I love them)

Also Akito are Kotaro's relationship is really cute and precious somehow. Akito and Ken as well but that isn't new (I love every interaction between those two to a point you can't understand).

Ken and Taiga talking to Akito and the parallel in the situation too. Or Akito being like Ken. Akito being like Ken. Akito is just like Ken-san I want to repeat it on loop until he dissolves in embarrassment and can't help but smile like a kid.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk sorry for going insane over Akito-related stuff it will happen again

#project sekai #hatsune miku colorful stage #pjsk #project sekai colorful stage #projectsekai #proseka #akito shinonome #shinonome akito #what if I kin Akito to the point I think I'm not cool enough to kin Akito isn't that the most Akitokin behaviour possible #also Toya mention #Ena mention as well #find a way out got me stuck in overthinking for several hours

[denimbex1986]

'“I got called a gay elder the other day,” Andrew Haigh said. This title, bestowed by a group of younger gay men, initially rankled him. It’s true that Haigh — the director of acclaimed films like “45 Years” and “Weekend” — had recently turned 50, but he still found that landmark age hard to believe.

“I’m looking older,” he told me, “but it’s a strange thing to think that I’m not young anymore.”

That uncanny feeling is a key theme in Haigh’s latest film, “All of Us Strangers,” which he adapted from the 1987 novel “Strangers” by Taichi Yamada. Andrew Scott stars in the film as Adam, a screenwriter in his late 40s with a whole lot on his mind: As he entertains a tentative romance with his neighbor Harry (Paul Mescal), he returns to his childhood home and finds it somehow inhabited by the parents (Claire Foy and Jamie Bell) who died when he was young. Though this reunion summons Adam’s inner child to the fore — a transformation Scott sells with heartbreaking subtlety, even when dressed in Christmas pajamas — there are still tricky adult conversations to be had with his parents about his sexuality and lonely middle age.

“I knew that for this film to work, I had to throw myself into it on a very personal level,” Haigh said. “So much of the things they’re talking about and the memories that Adam has of being a kid are my memories.”

That commitment even extended to filming much of the movie in the house where Haigh grew up, a notion that astounded many of his actors.

“I always have this image of him losing one of his baby teeth in that house where the crew were stamping on the floor,” Scott said. “Isn’t it extraordinary that as you shoot a scene downstairs in the kitchen about a man coming out to his mother, he could have gone upstairs after he had actually done that and been upset in a small bathroom?”

In November, I met Haigh at an old-fashioned cafe in Hollywood where, as a young film student, he used to plop down in the corner booth and order the blackened chicken sandwich and too much coffee. (Haigh no longer eats meat, so during our lunch he had the veggie sandwich instead.) As we spoke about the personal stories from his youth he excavated for “All of Us Strangers,” he said he had started to come to grips with the journey he has traveled since and the nickname that long voyage had earned him.

“I might get a T-shirt that says ‘gay elder,’” he told me, chuckling.

Here are edited excerpts from our conversation.

A lot of this movie is inspired by your early life. What were you like as a child?

I think I was a sad kid. I was fine when I was younger, but my parents split up when I was 9, and I was being bullied at school. When you’re an unhappy child, it shapes everything. It doesn’t go away — it will always be there, the way you felt, and the instinct to repress yourself early on can affect everything.

How did their divorce affect you?

There was so much that I was made to push down and forget and not talk about. I don’t think I ever spoke to anybody about how I felt. And look, it doesn’t take a genius to look at my films and think that all of those themes come out within the stuff that I make about feeling alone, about searching for stability, about trying to understand the past and change it somehow in order for you to move forward. Pretty much the filmmaker I am now is because of how I was as a kid.

Why were you being bullied at school?

Because they knew I was gay, basically.

Did you know you were gay?

No. They could see my difference before I could. And I talk about it in the film, but it was the early ’80s and the mid-’80s in the U.K., this incredibly homophobic time. Everyone was terrified of AIDS and the government had Section 28, which was a law against teaching homosexuality in school. I think most queer kids from the ’80s kept everything very, very hidden. I was in relationships with girls all the way into my 20s, and I didn’t come out till my late 20s, till after university.

What happened when you told your parents you were gay?

They were good. They had to do a huge readjustment in their understanding of me, so that’s not easy for parents. You go through some strange questions, for sure, and it takes a bit of time, and you find your way through it. But it’s a strange thing because I know lots of people have very supportive families, and it doesn’t mean you don’t feel a little bit separate. Even in this age of acceptance, there is still often a line that you don’t want to cross. Or maybe it’s even that we feel uncomfortable, that we still want to hide elements of ourselves because we’re still afraid that they might not love us as much.

So frequently, we want to reassure everyone else not to worry. We’ve held this thing in, which almost makes you explode from being sick with the pressure building inside you, and still you’re like, “Oh, don’t worry, I’m really happy,” or “I’m going to be great.” And in retrospect I’m like, what was I doing? I wasn’t fine. I was a mess and I was terrified and all I was trying to do is make them feel better. For a lot of queer people, we’re doing that all the time, trying to walk this line of not pushing boundaries too much so we don’t get rejected.

When you were reading the novel that “All of Us Strangers” was based on, did you sense immediately that you could explore all these themes in an adaptation?

It definitely took a long time. It’s a good novel, but it’s very traditionally a ghost story. I thought about doing it as that to start with, but then I knew that I wanted the romantic relationship in the story to be queer, and I wanted it to be about the associations of family love and romantic love and how they’re all wrapped up together.

You shot the film in the house you grew up in, in Croydon in South London. Were you picturing that place when you wrote the script?

Yeah. I think I was rooting it to the idea of a childhood home, and then as we started trying to work out where to shoot it, I was like, “Well, why wouldn’t I go and shoot it there?” I knew it would be a strange experience, but I like how I feel when I’m a little bit terrified and emotionally fragile. The interesting ideas come from that.

What was it like when you first walked through that door?

I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s a very peculiar feeling. When I walked around by myself and I sat in what would have been my old bedroom and looked out the window, you just remember things. I remember standing at that window when I was a kid. There were some enormous trees outside, but when we lived there, those trees were only knee-high. Somehow that freaked me out more than anything else, that those trees were pretty much the exact age as me and they’ve been on this planet for 50 years, as I have.

You’ve cast Claire Foy and Jamie Bell as the parents. How much like your real parents are they?

Look, my dad’s from the north of England and sounds a bit like Jamie, and my mom sounds a bit like Claire. And they sort of look a bit like that and their personalities are quite similar. So there’s definitely a sense that they are related to my parents.

It’s interesting that when we first meet Jamie’s character, before you’ve revealed the familial relationship, it almost seems like he’s cruising Andrew’s character in the woods.

It always made me laugh that no one’s surprised when a straight guy goes for someone who’s a bit like their mom — that’s just like a natural thing — but no one ever says, “Well, gay guys and queer guys, maybe they quite like someone who’s a bit like their dad.” I wanted to play with that because, to me, love is rooted in feeling comforted and safe and understood. That is what your parents give you, and it’s no surprise that you might want it from a lover, too. And Jamie Bell looks super hot. Who doesn’t want to cruise him coming out of the trees?

Did the actors meet your parents?

No. I would never do that. I mean, my dad’s not well so he won’t get to see the film. But my mom’s seen the film and I’m sure she’ll meet the actors at some point.

What did she think of it?

She saw it with my brother in a screening room in London, and I think it was hard for her to watch. There was a lot of stuff that feels personal to her, and I don’t underestimate how strange that must be. There’s a scene that I have now made with some twisted version of me talking to a mother in the bed that used to be my mom’s bed. That’s not an easy thing for them to deal with, so I really do appreciate it. But she loves the film, she’s super excited about it.

It’s a shame my dad can’t see it because I feel like he would like it. My dad has quite bad dementia and it came on while I was making the film, just a strange time for it to happen. During the shoot, I went up to visit him because he’d just been put into hospital, and he’d completely forgotten that I was gay. Had no memory of it: “Oh, so you’ve got a wife? Are you married?” I was like, “Oh, Christ.” I didn’t tell him, I didn’t say that I was with my partner.

Why not?

I was terrified, I felt like I was 20-whatever again. I didn’t want to upset him because he’s in a care home now, but at the same time, you feel the same terror of, “Oh my God, is he going to reject me when I really don’t need this right now?” Then I came back to London and the next scene I shot was the scene with Jamie and Andrew talking [about his sexuality], a pretty tough emotional scene to have done the day after that. So it was a rough time.

I did see my dad again and I brought my partner with me, so he’s seen my partner now. It was interesting because he was like, “Well, as long as you found love, that’s the important thing. That’s all I care about.” I feel like some element of him still knew, and I’m glad I got to bring my partner to see him. It just shows how you always have to still keep coming out.

There’s always something that can reduce you to the state you were in before.

Exactly. That’s what this film is: It’s absolutely about being reduced to that state. And that’s why I thought it was so interesting to wrap it up in grief, because I think grief is such a similar thing. When you lose someone, it’s always just there as something in you. It felt like this film has such a perfect way to express how we can’t move on from things unless we’re helped to move on from those things.'

#Andrew Haigh #All of Us Strangers #Jamie Bell #Claire Foy #Taichi Yamada #Strangers #Andrew Scott #Paul Mescal #45 Years #Weekend

[panlight]

Re: Carlisle being a dad, I think a lot of what we see of the Cullens from Bella will be through Edward and that inherently colors her perspective. Bella doesn’t interact with the Cullens on her own, so she projects what Edward sees onto them.

Edward was turned pretty young at the behest of his mother, Elizabeth, and we only learn this from Carlisle. Edward completely cuts Elizabeth out of the story. I think Carlisle turned Edward, Edward woke up, decided Carlisle was his dad now, and Carlisle ran with it. If the terms of their relationship were up to Carlisle, I feel like he’d be Edward’s friend.

None of the other Cullens bar Rosalie see Carlisle and Esme as their parents. Jasper and Emmett were pretty much adults when they were turned and Alice is too independent to let anyone parent her. Rosalie I feel like looks up to Carlisle and simultaneously resents him but she still loves him but I don’t think she seeks out anything from Esme like Edward does, which is why Edward is Esme’s favorite.

Bella doesn’t see any of this because all she cares about is becoming Edward’s equal and the Stepford family she imagines. It’s pretty sad IMO because she doesn’t even really know Edward, she just wants so desperately to be happy and she did everything to get it.

I asked the question because over the years I've seen A LOT of different takes on it in fanfic. I haven't had time to read much fic the last few years, but when I was reading it a lot, one of the things that would make me "nope" out of a fic pretty quickly is if all the Cullen 'kids' were constantly calling Carlisle 'Dad.' That vibe just felt off to me. An occasional 'Dad' and especially joking ones were fine; them actually routinely calling him 'Dad' and not 'Carlisle' when talking to or about him just weirded me out. But obviously some people really liked that! Some people preferred that more literal family, and that's their right.

It's a hard question for me to answer myself because part of me thinks they're using human words to try and describe vampire relationships. They're approximations. They are clearly a family, but I don't think it's literally the 'mom dad and the kids' that a human family would be because of all the vampire factors involved. The 'kids' were 17-20 when they joined the family; they had all basically reached adulthood other than Edward, technically, and a few of them were even living adult lives; it's not like Carlisle and Esme were changing their diapers and teaching them how to read. But they were involved for some of their 'newborn vampire' stuff, but then also Edward was there for Esme's newborn year, so. But they also aren't growing past those ages, so some adult guidance can remain helpful . . . but Esme and Carlisle aren't all that much older.

Someone in the comments to one of these posts said something along the lines of "I think the Cullens are portrayed like this because SM couldn't conceive of a loving family configuration outside of mom/dad/kids" and that . . . that might be right on the money.

I do think the fact Elizabeth Masen basically asked Carlisle to save Edward does make their relationship different, along with him being the first. I could easily see Carlisle feeling like Elizabeth, in addition to 'save his life' was also asking 'take care of him.' He was a 17-year-old orphan; it would be natural for there to be a caretaker, if not parental role there.

And then there's the weirdness of Carlisle, Edward and shortly thereafter Esme being 'there' for Alice in her visions from the start, but Alice being totally unknown to them. Alice wasn't physically with them, but they were huge influences on her nonetheless. But again Alice doesn't remember her human life so she's coming at this totally from a vampire perspective, so I sort of get her seeing them as her 'parents' but in a purely vampiric sort of way? Obviously not the same as a helpless human needing parents to protect them. But she was, in a way, nurtured by them? It's all so weird and interesting.

But yeah Bella only scratches the surface of the family dynamics and clearly is not interested in much outside of Edward. And SM as the author is, uh, kind of in the same boat? This quote, specifically:

Esme and Carlisle love all their "children" in different ways, but they both have a soft spot for Edward because he was with them first, and he’s such a deeply good person. The others are good, too, but Edward is special. And I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with him.

I mean . . . it does kinda feel like she's saying that because she's in love with him, but go off, I guess.

#asks

[krowfics]

But you’re still a kid that grew

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Plot: Passion was small and Passion was orange. So he couldn't be. (or why there's two blue sides)

Words: 3257

Notes: Logan angst, canon universe, all the other sides are technically unsympathetic ig - especially Patton and Remus, sad and unresolved ending. this fic’s ending overlaps with WTIT.

This might be considered a character study? idk i wrote this in a hyper fixated haze

AO3

~~~

He was small and he was orange.

Dressed head to toe, orange tee shirt, orange cargo shorts, orange socks and orange shoes. 

He was learning about cheetahs. They're the fastest animal in the world, they can reach speeds up to 70 miles per hour! He didn't know what that meant but it sounded fast. 

He stared at the TV screen with rapt attention, meanwhile Thomas played with a stuffed fox from Fox and the Hound and a plastic toy of Peter Pan (from Peter Pan.) glancing up at the screen occasionally. Thomas’ mom had decided to put on an educational show instead of Disney Channel, which Thomas hadn’t minded but he had been ecstatic about.

He really, really wanted to know how fast 70 miles per hour is.

So Thomas twisted around to look at his mom, who was reading a book on the couch with her feet tucked underneath her, and he asked.

"Hmm, as fast as a car." She answered.

That's super fast for an animal, he knew Thomas couldn't run that fast, he didn't even think a dog could run that fast.

"Wow, that's super fast." Thomas said.

"Sure is, Bud." His mom replied with a smile.

He learned more, needed to learn more. He had Thomas switch the channel to documentaries in between his Disney shows, had him ask his mom and dad every question under the sun, squinted at books over Thomas' shoulders as they were both figuring out how to read, even though neither really could yet.

Some adults had reading glasses to make them read better, maybe that would make him read better.

It helped, he thinks, he didn't think anything was wrong with his vision before but now he never wanted to take his glasses off.

He was bigger, he was orange, and he wanted to know everything.

Passion. 

Thomas' mom had called Thomas passionate once, maybe he was Passion.

They went to school, and kindergarten was boring. All they did was color! The first grade was better, but there was still far too much coloring of cartoon characters for Passion’s taste. 

Creativity liked it. So Passion tried not to complain. He didn't really talk to the Others much anyway. 

He liked talking to Creativity, both of them, but they each fell off into their own tangents that got so far from where Passion hand started, that he kind of wished he didn’t talk at all.

He had nothing to do with Morality or Fears or even Creativity, really, the good or the bad, he just wanted to learn and he wanted Thomas to learn.

Lies was annoying because he just wanted to get out of work, and Thomas would listen to him sometimes, which wasn't fair. But sometimes Morality would get in Lies’ way and they'd yell a bunch until Thomas gave into Morality, which was better but it was still annoying. When they yelled he wanted to scream.

It was all frustrating. The Creativities’ imagination was nice until it became completely fake, Lies made Thomas say things that were completely fake, Fears would make up stuff to make Thomas upset which was usually completely fake and Morality would repeat the adults dumb rules which seemed to be completely fake!

It was frustrating, fakeness was frustrating, Passion only cared about real things. Weird plants and animals and bugs and rock formations and spaceships and dinosaurs.

He did not care about Disney princes and dragons and talking animals.

Morality told him he needed to share Thomas. But it wasn't fair, none of it was fair, how could it be fair when what everyone else wanted was completely fake?

He hated the fakeness, it was confusing, it was so hard to tell when Thomas was being lied to. He used to think he could fly because he saw it on TV - not the channels that Passion wanted to watch - and he jumped off his bed and bruised his knee super badly. 

Thomas cried for his knee and Passion cried because it wasn't real. It wasn't! They lied to him!

Passion cried more often than not, he yelled more often then he spoke. Thomas wouldn't listen to him, Thomas used to listen to him, didn't he?

Thomas didn't switch the channel to documentaries anymore and he didn't pay attention to his teacher, even when he really tried, he'd always be more focused on sitting still which made it almost impossible for Passion to pay attention, Thomas usually gave up, which made it even harder.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair!

He barely talked to the Others before but now he almost never did. Because now he couldn't stop himself from screaming or crying or getting really angry and breaking something in the imagination which would always make everyone upset with him but they'd never listen anyway!

He hated this. He felt so pathetic. He didn't want to cry all the time, he just wanted to learn. He wanted Thomas to learn.

Thomas got a new teacher when he started second grade, and he was nice.

Mr. Teagan was calm, always. He wore glasses and a tie, which must mean he's smart. He sounded smart, he didn't get mad at Thomas for moving in his seat or fidgeting with his hands, he even encouraged him to fiddle with a squishy rubber toy when Thomas' tapping got too loud for the rest of the class.

He never got frustrated when Thomas asked questions, he'd teach him how to understand the more complex math equations the rest of the class was learning. Passion really liked math and Thomas really liked math.

Thomas wasn't really listening to Passion but he was listening to his teacher. Maybe if Passion was calmer, they would listen to him.

They didn't. They ignored him as always, Bad Creativity called him a crybaby and that set Morality off, which Passion would have appreciated had Morality not also been ignoring him.

"Why'd you even bother to show up?" Good Creativity said as Morality calmed down and Bad Creativity continued to giggle.

"Be nice." Morality said plaintively.

"No, no, I mean, you never come here or talk to us, what do you want?" he didn't sound upset, just confused, but it didn't make the hurt go away because Passion was doing what he wanted already and they weren't listening.

"To talk about imaginary numbers." He said carefully, because imaginary numbers were so cool, even though he didn't really understand anything about them at all, but they sounded cool. They were fake but couldn't be frustrating-fake, because they were still math and math made them real!

"Ugh, Thomas will learn math in school." Good creativity whined.

Passion glanced to Morality, who only nodded, "Thomas is gonna watch Beauty and the Beast, he can't do math right now."

He's watching that again? Could it not be Lion King or Jungle Book, one that made him actually want to learn about animals?

"That's not fair." Passion said.

"He does plenty of math in school." Good Creativity said.

"But I want him to do it now!"

"We can't always get what we want." Morality said.

"Life is fair, you know." Lies said sarcastically from his place on the couch, he was hardly paying attention to the situation.

Morality liked Mr. Teagan, and Passion was being calm like Mr. Teagan, why wasn't it working? What was he doing wrong?

Fears nodded, looking deeply uncomfortable with the tenseness in the room, "You don't have to get upset over math."

"It's not fair." He yelled, and his voice cracked and his vision was blurry even though he was wearing his glasses.

Bad Creativity made a sharp laughing noise, “Crybaby!" he said, pointing, and he was completely right.

"You aren't being very nice." Morality said, and when Passion looked he saw that Morality was not looking at Bad Creativity, he was looking right at Passion.

He knew what that meant, Morality also said that Lies and Bad Creativity weren't very nice and then those 'weren't very nice's turned into 'not nice at all's. And Morality made sure that Thomas almost never listened to Sides who were not nice at all.

What if Thomas never listened to him again?

Passion choked on a sob. He needed to apologize, he needed to, but he couldn't get a word out with Morality staring him down like Thomas' mom or dad did when he got in trouble, Good Creativity stood right behind him, looking smug.

Passion turned around and ran out the room, a nasally laugh came from behind him, Bad Creativity, he assumed.

He hid his room and he cried. It felt like hours, or minutes, or days. He cried until his eyes were sore and his throat was scratchy and his nose was stuffed.

Something was wrong with him.

There had to be a reason no one listened to him, there had to be a reason no one liked him.

He stayed away after that, he couldn't risk it. He needed to stay calm like Mr. Teagan but he couldn't when no one was listening anyway. He’d get too frustrated, too overwhelmed. A bitter part of him thought it’d be better to not feel at all, if the bad emotions were so unavoidable and were making him ruin everything. 

They wouldn't listen to him, no matter what he did, would they? They've already decided he was too passionate to deal with.

He helped Thomas with homework when he needed, Morality made Thomas do his homework because it was Wrong not to, but he didn't really stick around for the process. So when Thomas would get stuck, Passion would show up to help. 

He didn't make Thomas learn outside of school though, he stopped begging for him to change the channel to a documentary when Morality wanted to watch a cartoon, he bit his tongue every single time he played pretend with Good Creativity.

Passion was able to learn still, he didn’t think any of the others could completely stop him if they tried. It was much harder, but he could consume information that Thomas learned subconsciously. It wasn't nearly as good as Thomas learning outright, but it was better than nothing and Passion would take all he could get.

Thomas' third grade teacher was not nearly as patient as Mr. Teagan, which means that Thomas didn't like her which means he had a much harder time paying attention. 

Morality stayed with him a lot, making him pay attention as it was Wrong not to pay attention to adults. He made him do his homework and sat there through his frustration so he'd actually finish as it was wrong not to hand it in finished the next day, he made Thomas do everything he was told, even as Lies hissed and spat in the Mindscape to get his way, Morality didn't even care that he was making Thomas miserable. Maybe he didn’t notice.

He wouldn't listen to what Passion had to say about it though.

Passion was a crybaby, Passion was too emotional, Passion wasn't very nice.

Passion was small and Passion was orange.

So he couldn't be.

They had learned basic color theory long ago. Good Creativity loved it because it made everything pretty and hated it because it was rules and neither creativity ever wanted to put rules on art, other than the obvious Morality given ones. The ones that said it wasn't nice at all to draw Thomas killing his brother, something Good Creativity agreed with and bad creativity did not.

Color theory said that blue was the opposite of orange.

Maybe that's why Morality didn't like him. Morality was blue.

Blue comes in different shades.

One day, as Thomas was doing his homework, he felt a familiar pull. A feeling he would often ignore because Morality seemed to always be there. 

Be calm

He appeared, almost void of color, shirt as black as his glasses, plain blue jeans, black shoes. 

A tie, just like Thomas' second grade teacher always wore, except dark blue.

He was not small and he was not orange.

"Hello?" Thomas said, just behind him was Morality, who was staring.

Both looked stressed, hair messed up from running their hands through it and Thomas's eyes were rimmed red, almost crying from frustration.

Stay calm.

"What seems to be the problem Thomas?"

"Who..?" Thomas asked tiredly, glancing to Morality.

"I'm not sure, kiddo. Are you new?"

The only thing differentiating the sides visually were their clothes and their colors.

Without orange, Morality didn't recognize him.

Good.

"I am Thomas' Logic."

"Oh, goodness!" Morality smiled brightly, when was the last time he smiled at him like that? "It's been so long since we've gotten a new side! I’m Morality, It's nice to meet you."

Stay calm.

"You as well, now what is the issue?"

Thomas gestured to the paper on his desk and Logic learned over his shoulder to see the equation. He thought Thomas liked math?

It was division, a bit on the complicated side but not terribly so. 

"Thomas, do you understand that division is just the opposite of multiplication?"

"Mrs. Drache keeps saying so, but…"

So he didn't understand.

"All that means is you can reverse this." He summoned up a pen and paper and wrote the equation down where Thomas could see.

And the he wrote the same numbers directly under it but swapped the division sign for an equal sign and the original equals sign for multiplication.

"Are you more confident in your times tables, Thomas?" he asked.

Thomas nodded, paused, and then nodded again. He looked tired. "Yeah um, I did them quicker than most of the class last week. I only got 3 wrong."

"Good." Logic said, "what times 7 is 49?"

Thomas stared for a moment, "5 times 7 is 35."

"Yes."

"and 6 times 7 is 42."

"it is."

Thomas pressed his lips together and then wrote 7 down on his homework.

Thomas listened to him. He actually listened to him and he learned.

Stay calm.

"Good job, Thomas."

Thomas beamed and everything was worth it.

Morality made a high pitch noise, startling Logic, he forgot he was there.

But there Morality was, clapping and smiling, smiling at Thomas and Logic.

"I knew you could do it, kiddo!" 

Thomas smiled and returned to his homework, both sides there for help and encouragement.

Morality stopped showing up so much for homework, he let Logic help him pay attention in class, he started letting Thomas get away with things that made him happy. At some point academics were completely left up to Logic.

Morality trusted Logic. Morality liked Logic.

Stay calm.

Logic said nothing as Thomas changed career paths, Morality wanted him to be happy and Creativity wanted him to perform. Logic could handle his amount of attention diminishing, Thomas’ happiness was more important. 

Stay calm.

He helped Thomas through each moral conundrum and anxiety attack, even if he had to wade through the others' arguments to do so. It’d be easier if they didn’t have to work through their emotions before they actually listened to him but, regardless, they always did eventually.

Stay calm.

He had made himself heard, he didn't need emotions anymore, he never needed them in the first place. He needed Thomas to be healthy and happy, even if that meant Logic didn't always get his way. He was fine.

Stay calm.

Deceit and Dark Creativity's increased presence was annoying but manageable. Thomas hadn't remembered either, which made sense. 

Deceit had kept himself hidden from Thomas before his scales started appearing - a younger Thomas taking the lying snake in the garden of Eden a bit too seriously, Logic suspects - and Logic was fairly certain that Thomas had never even met Remus as a child.

Thomas was barely interested in what Logic had to say as is, splitting his attention between three other sides who just boiled down to differing emotions. Janus and Remus complicated things, they kept getting in the way.

All sides deserved to be listened to, a part of Logic is sure of it, but with all of them demanded it only for themselves, he had to fight to.

Morality at least didn't like them fighting, Creativity would always listen to Morality and thus stayed in good graces, and Anxiety held enough sympathy from Patton that he was always able to be listened to too.

No one really liked Logic, he could tell. They might claim they like Logan, they probably don't even think they're lying about it. But they wouldn't like him if he couldn't stay calm.

Stay calm.

He was trying to stay calm.

He was finally being listened to, even if it seemed to be less and less each day, he was letting Thomas take breaks, he was letting Thomas stay happy even as the anxiety of cleaning was getting to him.

Why did Remus have to taunt him today of all days? The day when Thomas actually had some urge to make a list of tasks, to finally clean his living space so he could be more productive. 

Stay calm.

Thomas was busy dancing, quite literally dancing always the intrusive thoughts.

Logic was calm, he would stay calm.

He breathed a calculated breath and turned to Remus, who was giggling in that obnoxious way he does. Even after all these years, even as they got older, that laugh never really did change.

Logic was speaking calmly, he was being nice, he was barely showing any frustration even as Remus made it clear he was not listening.

Thomas listened to him though, he had listened today, and the only times he stopped today was when Remus got in the way.

Stay. Calm.

He needed to get through to Remus. He needed to. He needed to be listened to, he needed Thomas to listen. He barely listened as is, he can't let it get as bad as it was back then, back when no one listened no matter what. 

"Remus."

he wasn't listening. Thomas wouldn't listen because Remus wouldn't listen. Logic needed him to listen.

Remus summoned a book literally titled, 'Ignoring Dummies for Dummies' 

"Remus."

The haunting taunt of 'crybaby' rang in his ears. It was extremely frustrating, he couldn't get frustrated - he had to stay calm.

Logic could barely breathe.

Remus wouldn't listen.

Stay calm

Stay calm

STAY CALM

"Stop ignoring me!"

That wasn't very calm.

Remus was talking, smug as Logan had ever seen him and not even remotely surprised, but the words barely registered. 

And then Remus was gone, and Thomas was on the phone with Nico.

Was that on purpose? Did… Did Remus know?

Stay calm.

He was not orange.

He wasn't.

Everything worked out, except it didn't because Thomas had abandoned his schedule and his apartment didn't get cleaned, but that was okay. It had to be okay. 

Thomas barely seemed to listened to Logic anymore anyway, he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. Thomas listened when it was absolutely necessary and that was enough. It had to be. Logic had to stay calm. He had to hold together each piece of him that shattered and broke off when he was ignored, he couldn't afford to be pushed to emotions by Remus, or anyone, especially not when Thomas is there.

Stay calm.

He was not a crybaby.

Stay calm.

He was not Passion.

Stay calm.

He was not orange.

He wished there was nothing of Passion left, nothing left to feel anything, but as he curled up in his room to hide, he felt small.

~~~

tags~ @flowercrownsandtrauma

#sanders sides fic #logan sanders #logan sanders angst #tss logan #angst #orange side #sad ending #unresolved ending #thekrowiswriting

[juuheizou]

Omg now i'm dying to know what are suzuya's trigger textures, and his triggers in general too since I also hc him as autistic<3 also a guide on how to touch him right pleaaase???tyyy

Of course, friend! I'm always down to talk about autistic Suzuya!

Do be warned, in my personal opinion it's no worse than anything in the series, but if you're squeamish about unsanitary things, you might want to skip a couple of paragraphs pertaining to some unsanitary textures and stimming behaviors that I marked with a ** at the beginning of each one.

what are suzuya's trigger textures

He really doesn't like rough, scratchy textures. Tall grass or institutional carpet on bare skin, bristly animals, clothing tags, scratchy fabrics from wool to lace, suits. Anyone would learn to hide their distress at the horrible feeling of a lacy dress if the alternative was Big Madam's wrath, not worth dying over even if it's a close decision, but I think I have a little to back this up when it comes to his canon rebellion against coming to work in a proper suit.

I like to think of his canon dress code violations being a little bit of “stop telling me what to do” but also a whole lot of sensory issues with the material suits tend to be made of. If he could get away with wearing his pyjamas to work every day, he would, and I feel like he would have tried at some point. Unfortunately, what he does actually wear in canon was the best he could pull off and just be lectured by Amon as opposed to more serious disciplinary action even he can't ignore. Some of how he dresses is to have some control and fun with it in a conservative office environment when it comes to how people dress, like his patterned suspenders, but the actual fit and cuts of his outfits, ie too big for him and mostly shorter than they should be, is to minimize how much of it is touching him. His undershirts we see him wear once are probably something he wears all the time and pretty soft, another way to insulate him from that suit material texture.

Also, as an animal lover, this can prove a little problematic. My first thought is of the sheer disappointment of him petting a stray dog and ending up with like, bully breed bristles or something lodged in his shirt. Or going to a petting zoo or something with the squad and he's had a wonderful time nuzzling alpacas, sheep, rabbits, ducklings, and he's too excited to even think through it before he tries to do the same with something like a potbellied pig. Sad times. Very sad times. It's not fair that some animals can look fuzzy but actually feel like a cactus. He's safest sticking with fluffy spitzy dogs and cats haha.

**Messy textures are variable. He's not your (on Tumblr, at least) stereotypical squeamish autistic. Actually, I think he's the opposite and self-soothes by squishing and smearing gross things until Shinohara finally gets him a jar of play-dough or something to stop him from playing with dead stuff he finds on the schoolyard-- maybe being given art supplies to play with instead is what got him doing other art forms as an adult. Before it was stray animal entrails and stuff he found at the Academy, it was human organs, blood, etc. and Madam probably saw it as him learning to be a good scrapper, doing things like fingerpainting with blood or squishing a handful of organs in his hands.

**That being said, as much as he likes these textures in his hands, he has learned the hard way that most of them will make him sick if he were to put them in his mouth. Someone who didn't eat a lot of innards and similar scraps of meat over the years probably wouldn't even think to be so picky, but liver, brain, stuff like that? Good! Intestines, eyeballs, parts that are more slimy and slippery in the form they'd be thrown to him in... he would sooner go hungry, even living with Madam and not being given much else to eat. He might have liked to crush bugs as a cadet, but he probably tried and learned to draw the line at eating them. In the human world, though, he might like some of those things with the sliminess deep-fried out of them, perhaps.

Speaking of, food texture is also a type of texture, and in addition to slimy and slippery, he can't do stringy, fibrous stuff in food, especially if it is both slippery and stringy like some veggies. We know he likes sweets and snack foods, and I do think those are things he truly likes, but things like sweets are also a lot safer for someone who can be hypersensitive to the point of some mouth feels making him physically sick. Some may perceive this as childish, but to him it's just survival when the wrong bite can make him feel so awful. Some foods he just can't tolerate at all, but I can see Hanbee teaching him how to prepare fruits and vegetables in ways that don't trigger his sensory issues, as he would never be able to say “do this, do that” to Suzuya but would want him to get his vitamins and minerals. I could write a whole post about the adventurous, slightly strange eater that would be unlocked once he got a good introduction to preparing food in different ways that truly change the texture of the ingredients.

Not exactly a texture but still relating to his sense of touch, he really can't do light touch, as hyposensitive as he is to pain and deep pressure. To him, light touch is much, much more noxious than pain and he can really lash out against something brushing up against him. Often he grabs or strikes an offending hand or body part to get it away before his mind can even catch up to him, not hard, but how hard he does it doesn't always matter when people around him already perceive him as violent.

and his triggers in general too

As far as his other (sensory, which I hope is what you were wanting to know) triggers and hypersensitivities, he struggles with loud noises although his threshold for them is somewhat bigger than textures-- ie he can handle weapons clashing in battle, loud music when he's out somewhere fun, stuff with an end in sight that either can or does last short enough that it won't become too much before it's over. If it lasts too long, is too loud and piercing, he's having a sensitive day, or any combination of the above, though, it can very much push him to the meltdown point. Piercing, high-frequency sounds or too many sounds going on are also hard for him and will make him clap his hands over his ears SO FAST.

Same with bright lights. There's a threshold, he can handle them to some degree especially if there's a good (to him) reason for him to, but he's still hypersensitive to them. Fluorescent lights at the field office, for example, are another thing he's willing to get on his superiors' bad side for when he doesn't have an office and will just turn off half the lights in the bullpen (I would think they have one of those?) and when people just get annoyed and turn them back on, he would learn to mess with the breakers to where it's not easily undone and looks like an electrical problem. Amon would HATE the sight of him wearing sunglasses indoors and that would make him want to utilize this coping mechanism more. When he is a senior investigator and squad leader who does get a little office of his own, it's just barely light enough for him to read and do paperwork by.

Smells, though, I actually see him being hyposensitive to for the most part. I can see him going into a candle shop, bakery, buffet, anything with lots of options displayed in an easily accessible way and just wanting to pick up everything to sniff it, though he can't always do that because with food that is unsanitary and will get him kicked out. He also has a high tolerance that he hasn't actually found the limit to thus far for filthy crime scenes and rotting gore that even seasoned investigators have to go and vomit at the stench of.

As far as taste, though mouth feel is a different story, I see it also being a more hyposensitive sense for him. He loves to experiment with different flavors of things and is that person who seeks out foods that are really sour, really spicy, really minty, stuff like that that makes his whole face feel the taste of it. Again, would just pick things up and sample them as a stim if it wouldn't get him banned from places with delicious food, and I see him as one of those autistics to whom eating food is a stim. I can also see him liking the taste of alcoholic things for this reason, although on an unrelated note I don't see him as a drinker because he is an angry not-fun-to-be-around drunk; booze is best left as something to soak confections in or savor one single serving of, but he does like the burn.

also a guide on how to touch him right pleaaase???tyyy

As mentioned, he is a mixed bag of hyper and hyposensitivies, and deep pressure is something he seeks out just as hard has he avoids light touch. We see him do a lot of the classic signs of this kind of sensory seeking in canon, such as physically risky behaviors, indifference to pain, and constant movement. As far as sharing physical touch with another person, though, which he don't really see in canon, he has a need to be squeezed.

Starting with stuff that can be read as conventionally casual and platonic, I have mentioned he likes Akira and only Akira messing with his hair. That's for the same reason anyone else would run away screaming from having their hair done by her: the result might look amazing, unlike Touka's home hair attempts, but we know she's not the warmest character and can be just as insensitive as Suzuya in her own way as a person. As a hairstylist she really gets in there with combs and brushes and will pull to get a lock perfectly detangled or a braid tight enough to stay intact even while fighting for life and limb against an SS-rank ghoul, all while too absorbed in the task at hand to notice her victim is crying. Honestly, someone might see her updos around the office and convince themselves they can sit through it, but it's too much suffering, even for the most beautiful hair of their lives. For him, though, it's akin to a nice spa day, pleasant and relaxing. Horseplay and sparring also count as touch to him, and are pretty hard to go wrong with since that is always going to be heavy, hard bodily contact. Same with those hearty, macho claps on the shoulder I've mentioned before.

Going a little ways up the conventional ladder of intimacy, giving his hands or his shoulder a squeeze is nice and always advisable, especially when he's fidgety and stressed. Giving him a tight bear hug is the nicest, but you can't be scared to break him, or chances are you're not going to hug hard enough. He also loves to cuddle, but someone has to be laying a lot of body weight on the other. Once that is happening, though, it's even better than a weighted blanket or throwing someone to a mat. He could have a rib broken and still just be disappointed that it means he can't be physically crushed that hard again. Just like he relishes one of his cats or a stray animal laying in his lap, he likes to lean against people he knows won't shoo him away, and would also enjoy having his partner fall asleep against his shoulder or in his lap. Kisses are also fun and exciting for him, but he can't do the light pecks on the cheek and brushes of lips; gotta put some pressure and confidence into it, even if it doesn't get deeper in any other way.

Touching the rest of his body is where I see things getting emotionally fraught for him in addition to having the potential to be real overstimulating real fast. These are the areas of his body that are easily hidden by a nightshirt, a scrapper's costume, or a pretty dress without marring the beautiful doll he was supposed to be, so that's where only Madam ever touched him, and all she gave him were scars. This is where his control over the situation is just as important to him as the physical sensation being pleasant. I know my word choices sound sexual, but this doesn't even mean sex.

We know he is into underground body modification for example, but I see him being strictly DIY if he wants to feel the sensation of needles through his skin, which is the real reason he has his own stitches while not having any conventional piercings or tattoos; office rules wouldn't stop him lmao, he just can't do those himself with as much room for error. Sharing a shower or bath would be all fun and games, and he would like to wash someone's hair and body as a gesture of affection, and the hot water would be nice for him, but don't try to return the favor after he's had his fun. He would enjoy kissing someone all over in a merciless flurry, but honestly, the best way to approach something like that is to let him take what he wants and leave what he doesn't. He's direct enough that if he does want something different, he will get it. This is another small reason I think he pairs well with someone as shy to even try returning the favor as Mutsuki tbh

Hopefully it's not information you were hoping for, because I'm going to stop there as far as stages of intimacy that I googled for the purpose of this ask go. I have headcanons and things to say and would be totally cool answering more r-rated and up questions if one were to ask them directly. I just would rather disappoint someone who didn't ask for explicit content but would have liked reading it than blindside someone who didn't want to read it, you know?

#answers #anon #juuzou suzuya #whoa writing this really made me want to write more about suzuya and akira #their friendship is so good #you can't tell me they aren't each others closest non-family figure friends #also akira is autistic too just saying #pda cw

[bubblegum-blackwood]

Since I keep seeing stuff about the new adaptation of TVC, I decided to re-watch the old one, so here's my thoughts on Interview with the Vampire (1994) the second time around:

I find it hilarious how book!Daniel was terrified out of his mind the whole time while movie!Daniel has such swagger

Jeez you can tell from the get-go that Brad Pitt hated acting in this. (Meanwhile it's so obvious that Tom Cruise had so much freaking fun. So much.)

I will never forgive the movie for getting rid of Paul de Pointe du Lac in favour of "wah my wife died in childbirth" like I get that that's shorthand for "cis white boy sad" and they only had two hours but STILL

I'll never understand the choice to have the statue’s eyes open. It's just weird lol

i'M QuiTe FoND oF LooKiNG aT CRuXiFiXeS

Why is there more than one coffin, Lestat? WHY IS THERE MORE THAN ONE COFFIN LESTAT -

"Read her thoughts." "I can't." "Eh." That little shruggy hand gesture is everything to me.

(this isn't the one I was talking about, although this is just as good - I can't find a GIF for the quote I chose lol)

Wow. Okay. Forgot about the little "voodoo" ritual Louis's slaves have there. Could have gone without that.

Love the way Louis wields that flaming torch like a rapier. Very elegant, very hot (pun intended).

"We're in a nice, filthy cemetery. Does this make you happy?" fhesiofwne the sass - (btw the above GIF is of this scene)

The smug look Lestat gives when he knows the baby-trapping has worked gosh how does anyone hate on Tom Cruise’s acting he got it DOWN like -

"I prefer Creoles to Yankees, their democratic flavour doesn't suit my palate" why does Lestat have to commit to the French nobleman act this hard? (I know it's not just an act but really he does fill the role perfectly)

THE RUFFLY PURPLE COAT GDOSX

I forgot about Claudia sitting in her bed surrounded by her dolls and casually drawing a naked woman -

GO OFF GIRL! GET IT CLAUDIA! I will never not be impressed with Kirsten Dunst's performance in this. She stole the show. The rage, the coldness, the sophistication, the gleeful cruelty - she nailed it.

The hurt, the betrayal, the slight fear in Lestat's eyes here . . . I will never be over Tom Cruise's acting in this scene.

"He will never let us go." "Oh. Really?" *smirk* Like I said, Kirsten Dunst was amazing in this.

"A beautiful woman with endowments you'll never possess" I literally said "wow" out loud. Holy fuck Lestat that was a low blow.

Hmm floating up against the ceiling while on fire, now where have I seen that before?

As much as I resent the movie depriving us of Louis and Claudia's vampire hunter days, I have to admit that the montage of all of Claudia's sketches was actually a really clever transition.

I saw something once about how clothing tells its own story in IWTV because even though Claudia stays the same she slowly starts dressing more and more like an adult of whatever time period they're currently in and I really do appreciate that detail.

Anne Rice really deprived us of some sexy Spanish lover vampires and it shows with how tantalizing the little glimpse we get of Banderas!Armand is

Ah, the Theatre des Vampires scene. They really nailed the dumb goth drama and I gotta respect this movie for that.

Random woman in the audience being like MONSIEUR VAMPIRE TAKE ME I ADORE YOU if that ain't all of us -

Who else wants to Armand to hug them like this?

"So you have answers?" "So you have questions?" *he responds before Louis is even done talking, maybe a bit too much eagerness in his voice* If Antonio Banderas nailed anything about Armand, it's the thirst.

Damn the way Banderas's wig moves it's so thick and silky and long and *chef's kiss*

I wanna know how historically accurate these costumes are lol

Imagine being Brad Pitt and having to sit in a coffin and scream at a camera that's inches from your face lol

Okay but I love how Louis tips the candles backward into the coffins without even a backward glance

This is not in the movie but I just remembered that canonically the plot of land that the Theatre was on is still under Lestat's name to this day and I love that.

"What if all I have is my suffering? My regret?" *implying that he doesn’t want to move on from it* Damn Louis needs therapy and Armand is not that (because he needs it too lol)

Louis going to the theatre and watching Nosferatu is something I will never be over

Rule number one of being a vampire: always dress well

Louis disturbed a bat and the subtitles said [SCREE SCREE]

Say what you will about how they changed the ending of the movie from the book but Lestat jumping into Daniel's car and just saying "I assume I need no introduction" is iconic okay

#the vampire chronicles #vampire #vampires #vampire chronicles #anne rice #tvc #interview with the vampire #iwtv #lestat de lioncourt #lestat #the vampire armand #louis de pointe du lac #the vampire claudia #vc #iwtv movie #antonio banderas #brad pitt #tom cruise #kirsten dunst #daniel molloy #christian slater