#and yet! it's crazy how pictures don't do his beauty justice and it's NOT because he looks bad in pictures?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cloudzoro · 3 months

Text

Kink Discovery | haikyuu ♡

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

individual reaction/headcanon scenarios on kink discovery with haikyuu characters!

reaction/headcanon requests for jjk, one piece, haikyuu, fmab & death note (male & female characters) are OPEN!

jjk vers | op vers | masterlist

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

genre: smut (minors dni)

characters included: aran, atsumu, daichi, mattsun, tsukki, ukai, bokuto, tendo

cw: drunk sex (atsumu), public sex, facefucking, deepthroating, dom!tendou, biting, spitting, marking, jealousy, ukai is kind of a meanie, fem!reader

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Aran Ojiro - lingerie

When you wake up on your birthday, Aran has already left for work. There's a small gift bag sitting on the dresser, stuffed with tissue paper. Beneath all the tissue paper sits a cute lacy lingerie set and a note.

Happy birthday, baby. I'm only working a half shift today. Be ready when I get back.

- your loving husband

You spend the rest of the morning getting ready, excited for what the second half of your birthday will bring you. The lingerie set fits perfectly; Aran has been adamant about knowing your size in everything when you first started dating. You feel sexy in it, and knowing that your husband wants to see you in it, you take some mirror selfies. You put effort into finding the sexiest poses and position yourself so your husband can see multiple angles. You sort through your favourites and send them to him with a message asking when he'll be home. He responds immediately, telling you to sit pretty and wait for him to be home soon.

It doesn't take long for Aran to get home. As soon as you hear the door click shut behind him, you exit the bedroom and meet him face-to-face. He takes a second to look you up and down.

“The pictures don't do you justice,” he says, pulling you into a kiss and patting your thigh. You jump at his signal, wrapping your legs around him, and your big, strong husband carries you back to your bedroom. Initially, Aran bought the lingerie because he knows it makes you feel sexy. He always thinks you look beautiful in it, but he never went as crazy over it as he feels now. He drops you down to the mattress and removes his shirt.

“Happy birthday, sweet girl,” he says, leaning down to kiss you again. He kisses around the edge of the lace on your chest and down to the waistband of your panties. He showers you in compliments, letting you know how much of a goddess you are to him and how he worships the ground you walk on. He pulls your panties to the side instead of sliding them down your leg. “I'm not ready to take these off yet”, he says before diving in and flicking his tongue against your clit.

Atsumu Miya - public

Atsumu backs you against the door of the club bathroom, refusing to part from your lips as he reaches for the lock. He told you before you even left the house, there's no way he'd ever be able to behave himself around you in that dress. One of his hands wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to his body, and the other slips underneath the skirt of your dress.

“You look so good”, he growls. He moves his kisses down to your neck. You're so worked up by the combination of alcohol and lust in your system. His hand dips into your underwear and he groans against your skin when he feels how wet you are. He kisses your lips again and walks you over to the sink. He turns you around to face the mirror, and you stumble forward slightly, angled over the sink. Atsumu pushes you further over the sink. “Love seeing you like this.”

He's quick and desperate when he pulls your underwear down your legs. He waits for you to kick them away so he can pick them up and tuck them into his jeans pocket. He unbuttons his jeans and pulls his cock free, lining it up with your pussy. When he pushes into you, Atsumu moans louder than expected; the walls of your pussy always seem to unravel him.

“Quiet tsumu, someone might hear us” Your plea, however, only makes Atsumu louder as he pictures one of his friends walking in on the two of you.

“And what if they did, huh? What if someone walked in to see me fucking this pretty pussy? I'd keep going, let ‘em watch. Would you like that?” You hear him growl under his breath when you nod in response.

You look up at his face in the mirror's reflection and see a grin plastered on his. He lifts one of your legs, using the counter to support it, and pulls the rest of your body upright. You turn your head to look at him properly, and he immediately kisses your lips, pushing his tongue into your mouth. His hips pick up speed, and he gets rougher with you, desperate to make you cum. When you start whining that you're close, Atsumu moves his hand that was holding your leg to play with your clit, getting you closer and closer to cumming.

“scream for me, baby, let everyone out there know I'm fucking you good.”

Daichi Sawamura - facefucking

Daichi returns home from work, and within seconds, you're standing in the entryway, waiting to throw yourself into his arms. It's late in the evening, but you don't mind; all you want is to see your husband. After he takes his jacket off and hangs it up, he looks you in the eye and steps towards you. He reaches out, and you waste no time pulling him into a kiss. His arms wrap around you, squeezing you as tight to him as you can get.

“I missed you today. Sorry I'm home so late”, he sighs after pulling away, touching his forehead against yours. You cup his face and push him back slightly to see his face properly. Daichi stares at you with tired eyes, struggling to focus on you.

“I missed you too. How about we get you to bed so we can spend the day together tomorrow?” you say, running a hand through his hair. He shakes his head in protest, leaning back in to kiss you. You smile into the kiss. You drag him into the living room and tell him to sit on the sofa. He groans as you drop to your knees in front of him. He reaches down to unbutton his trousers, and you swat his hands away.

“let me take care of you,” you say, doing it for him.

“You're so good to me, baby”, he groans as you lick up his cock. You take his cock into your mouth, and he loudly moans. He's too tired to keep his composure, so his hips buck up into your mouth. You try to push your mouth as far down as it will go. “don't take all of me if you can't do it, baby; this already feels insane”, he says. You ignore his words and relax your throat. His tip hits the back of your throat, and you gag slightly. The strangled noise Daichi makes is unlike anything you've heard from him before. He pulls you off his cock, panting loudly.

“Is everything OK?” you ask, voice tired and raspy. Your husband smiles at you, nodding his head.

“Perfect baby, I just - let me fuck your face,” he says. “Please”, he adds. You nod, opening your mouth for him. His hand grabs the back of your hair, holding you in place and thrusting his hips up into your mouth. The tight feeling of your throat has him cumming the quickest he ever has. You swallow everything he gives you, and he watches you in awe. He tucks himself back into his trousers and pulls up onto his lap.

“Was that good?” you ask, and he laughs at the ridiculousness of your question.

“I'm barely even functioning right now. You were perfect. Give me a few minutes to recuperate, and we can go to bed.”

Issei Matsukawa - marking

Mattsun wishes he could control his jealousy problem. He knows you would never cheat, but seeing you laughing away with his friends leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He knows it shouldn't bother him, but when you give Makki a goodbye hug and wish him happy birthday, it makes his skin crawl.

When he finally gets you home, he immediately pulls you to the bedroom, growling under your breath about how he's so much better than stupid Makki. You roll your eyes at his muttering, but you're not going to complain when he's channelling his jealousy into fucking you.

It doesn't take long before you're on your back, legs wrapped around Mattsuns waist as his cock stretches you. You claw at his back as he buries his face in your neck, fucking you slow and deep.

“You're mine. I'm gonna mark you up, maybe then my friends will remember you're taken” Your neck muffles his voice, but the raspy tone of his voice still makes you whimper. He attaches his lips to your neck, teeth grazing the skin and sucks a pretty mark into your neck. When he's finished, he leans back to look at the mark. He's overcome with the urge to add more, so he does. He continues slowly rocking his hips and sectioning his mouth over any patch of skin he can get to.

When he's finally done, your neck and shoulders are covered in very obvious red and purple marks. Feeling satisfied and accomplished, he picks up his pace. His large hands grip the back of your thighs and push your legs up to your chest. He fucks your harder, eyes flickering from your marked up chest to your blissed out face.

“You're so fucking pretty”

Kei Tsukishima - Spitting

The two of you are at a house party. Tsukki stands in the kitchen chatting to Kyotani, and you cling to his side. He looks good, and you can't help teasing him. He tries not to give in because he's in public, but when you wait for Kyotani to get another drink and lean up to whine in his ear, his patience wanes. He grabs your hand and drags you into the nearest bedroom.

“You're so needy,” Says Tsukki, pushing his hands into your panties. “You seriously couldn't wait until we went home?.” His words may sound harsh, but there's a smile on his face as he kisses you. The feeling of his tongue in your mouth has your mind going hazy. You don't even register your words until they leave your mouth.

“spit on me”, you whine, opening your mouth for him. He pauses to think it over, it's the first time you've ever requested him to spit on you. He obliges, spit landing on your tongue, then reconnects your lips. He pushes his fingers inside you as his kisses get messier. He has you pressed against his friend's bedroom wall, fingering you and you cling to him.

“if you're good and cum for me now, I'll take you home and fuck you properly.” he growls moving his kisses to your neck. “I'll be as nasty as you want me to be. I'll spit on that pretty pussy before I eat it. I'll make a real mess of you” He's usually mouthy during sex but he's never dirty talked like this before. You're both desperate and he grinds against your leg as he works you to your orgasm.

You cum almost immediately, legs shaking as he holds you upright. He kisses you, sucking on your tongue as he lets you ride out your orgasm. He sucks his fingers into his mouth and walks out of the party, not even bothering to say goodbye to the host. He has something much more appealing in his mind.

Keishin Ukai - begging

Keishin leans back against the sofa, staring at you with a smug grin on his face as you ride his cock. In the heat of an argument, you had told him you didn't need him to get off, that you could do all the work yourself. After talking through your petty argument, he found the comment lingering in his head so he decided to prove you wrong. He kissed all over your pretty skin, spoke soft words and got you all worked up, only to sit back and tell you that if you want to cum then you have to do it yourself or take back what you said. You, ever the stubborn type, accepted his terms and took the reins for once. His cock feels so good, reaching all the deepest spots inside you.

“feels so good” Your voice comes out as an airy whine, and your boyfriend tries his best to keep his composure as you clench around him. Your hand presses into his bare shoulders to use as leverage to keep your hips moving. After a few minutes, the muscles in your thighs start to burn, and you slow down, choosing to grind down on him instead of bounce. Keishin notices what you're doing and laughs, trying his best not to show you how affected he is.

“I thought you could do it all yourself. What's wrong, baby?” he asks condescendingly. Your thighs shake slightly as you will yourself to keep moving. “If you want me to take over, all you have to do is tell me how much you need me”, He says in a smug sing-song voice. You groan, you don't want to admit defeat, but if your boyfriend doesn't put you on your back and fuck your brains out, then you might combust.

“Please, Keishin”, you beg, “I need you so bad. Want you to pin me down and fuck me” He's never heard you beg before, but the way your voice trembles when like you're so desperate for him you're going to cry flips a switch inside him, and he happily turns you so you're laying with your back against the sofa cushions.

“Don't you worry, baby I got you.”

Kotaro Bokuto - size kink

Your boyfriend's size was always a major turn-on for you, but he never gave your size difference much thought until now. Bokuto has you in his arms, fucking you against the wall.

“You take me so well, pussy was made for me”, He moans in your ear. You hold on to him the best you can as he stretches you out. The way your pussy is clenching around him has him seeing stars.

“You're so big, Kou”, you whine, and he almost cums on the spot. He's used to compliments about the size of his muscles, but the way you cry out about the size of his cock and struggle to take him full ignites a different kind of fire within him.

“You can take me; you always do”, he growls. He's always sensitive, your tight pussy brings him to the edge fast, but he tries to hold off as he makes you cum with him. His grip tightens around you as he puts you on the bed. He leans over you fucking you harder. He dwarfs you in size, which is made clearer by the way you're hidden in his shadow. If someone were to walk in, they might not even see you. His size makes him feel like he can protect you no matter what and fuels his pride. His words are slurred and garbled together as his hips rut wildly into you. You're both close, and it doesn't take long for you to cum. Bokuto follows soon after, unable to withstand the way your pussy pulses around his huge cock, and he fills you up with cum.

“Fuck”, you groan, dragging out the vowel. “Sometimes it scares me how much you stretch me out. You're too big,” you whine, clenching around him again. He hasn't moved from inside you, opting instead to squish you slightly. You don't miss the way his cock twitches when he compliments your size. “round two?” you ask, pulling his head up so he can look you in the eyes.

“I thought you said I was too big?” he asks playfully. He lifts himself back up to his forearms and pulls you into a sweet kiss, rocking his hips into you again.

Satori Tendou - biting

Tendou has always been a bit wild in the bedroom, and he's never afraid to bring things up with you, so when he asks mid-stroke if he can sink his sharp teeth into your skin, you don't hesitate to say yes.

He has you positioned face down, ass up. Your face is squished against the sheets as Tendou holds you down by your hair. He fucks you slow and hard to begin with, building you up to an orgasm, then holding still and tearing it away from you. You can feel his breath on your shoulder blade; he occasionally presses sloppy kisses there or lets his teeth scrape against your skin, but he has yet actually to bite down. You know it's coming, and the anticipation is making you restless that, combined with the frustration of a denied orgasm, almost has you in tears.

“‘Tori” you whine, and he softly shushes you.

“It's ok, angel. I'll make you come soon I promise” he coos, pressing another kiss to your back. His hips speed up and you feel the coil tighten in your stomach. He pays close attention to your reactions and just when you get lost in the feeling of your impending orgasm he leans down and bites the skin of your shoulder blade. The sudden sting makes heat fill your body as you cum. Your legs shake and your boyfriend's skilled hands rub soothe your tired muscles. The feeling of sinking his teeth into you is ingrained in his brain and he admires the mark on your back as you catch your breath.

“That was incredible” you breathe out, cutting yourself off with a moan when Tendou runs his tongue over the teeth marks in your skin.

“You're incredible” He smiles before kissing your shoulder again.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed :)

comments and reblogs are massively appreciated ♡

1K notes · View notes

deexchanel · 3 years

Text

New York

Word Count: 2,655

Pairing: Avengers x BlackFem!Reader. Justice League x BlackFem!Reader but more specifically Clark Kent x BlackFem!Reader.

Warning: Arguing, mention of miscarriage, angst.

Summary: After not being in contact for so long, someone decides to make a visit.

A/N: The title has nothing to do with the one short. Oops. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy!😁 below is Y/N’s outfit for the first half.

A long day after helping the team on their mission, Y/N wanted some pizza. It was around 10 p.m. when she decided to leave the tower. Tony was asleep in the chair, Steve was asleep on the couch. Natasha and Bucky were on the floor watching a movie. Thor was rummaging through the refrigerator, he was watching the movie as well but stopped to get some snacks.

Loki was in the library reading a book. Peter was on patrol so that’s why she felt safe with being out so late. “Loki I’m leaving to get some pizza okay?” He closed his book, preparing to stand up.

“Alright, I’m going with you.”

Y/N placed a hand on his chest so he could stay sitting. “ I want to go by myself Loki. I’m going to be perfectly fine, Peter’s patrolling right now.”

Loki sigh trying to push down his overprotective feeling. “Alright, just be careful. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Y/N hummed kissing his forehead, she then walked to the living. Everyone in their same position except Thor was now back on the floor.

Y/N kissed each of their foreheads, “I’m going to go get some pizza. Anyone wants anything?”

Natasha shook her head,“ No, be careful though. I really want to pause this good movie to save your ass.” Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, grabbing her purse from the hook.

“Bring me back some pizza? I’m rather hungry.” Thor said with his eyes glued to the tv.

“You’re always hungry Thor. Bring me some too. Better yet, why don’t I just come.” Y/N heard shuffling from behind her. She wanted to take a peaceful by herself to get pizza, is that too hard to ask? “No Bucky, I want to go by myself. I can handle it.”

She turns around to see him looking at her hesitantly. “You sure Y/N? I don’t mind coming-”

“I got it, really. Go enjoy the movie Bucky. I’ll be right back.” Y/N cut him off, walking out of the door. Bucky stood there dumbfounded, “Is she acting weird or it’s just me?” He pointed to the door, looking at Natasha and Thor.

“She seems alright with me.” Natasha shrugged and Thor didn’t reply.

Y/N took a deep breath hearing the new york life sparkle in her ears. Taxis coming and going. The roar of the subway beneath Y/N’s feet. Everyone talking but still being able to hear your own conversation.

Lights flashing brightly, babies crying, the homeless constantly asking for money. The smell of 1,000 vendors, many selling gyros. Broadway fans going insane when their favorite cast member walks out of the stage door. People of every race, color, and religion.

“Finally,” Y/N mumbled after a good minute of walking, she arrived at the pizza store on the corner. She ordered and stood in line for 15 minutes then left with 5 boxes of pizza. Stopping at the park, Y/N sat on a bench eating pizza enjoying the night air.

Y/N was happy with life but sometimes a person just wants to be alone. A little part of her misses the old lifestyle she had. Bruce, Barry, Diane, Victor, and Arthur. She missed them so much, especially Clark but he was the last person she wanted to see.

They were old lovers, at one time there wasn't a thing Clark wouldn't do for Y/N. Time skip, Y/N found out she was pregnant but due to stress from Clark, she miscarried. No one knew because of the genuine smile she held on her face. He was probably so caught up with Lois to not notice that she'd been gone for a year now.

She loved Clark, Y/N was his best friend. Lois came into the picture and he dropped everything just for her. Heartbroken, Y/N came to new york searching for happiness. She found it in the avengers who she now calls family.

Today was the anniversary of her baby and she just wanted to be alone. She was alone when it happened so she rather be alone now. Y/N stared off into space not even hearing someone land beside her. You read right, land.

"Y/N?"

The deep voice took her out of her gaze. Y/N turned to see Clark in his superman attire. Shocked, she could barely get anything out. "...Clark??"

Clark's face held worry," Y/N..." Y/N furrow her eyebrow confused cutting him off.

"What are you doing here Clark?"

"I can't come to see you now? Y/N I haven't seen you in months."

"Clark I don't wanna talk about that right now. I want to know how did you know I was here??" Y/N stood up, placing her unfinished pizza in the box. She couldn't even enjoy alone time without being bothered.

"Bruce's been track you this whole time Y/N. Come home, we miss you. I miss you." He reached out for her hands. Surprisingly Y/N let him grab her hands. She shook her head.

"Clark I can't just leave. I have a life and family here. You have Lois now, that's who you need. Not me."

Clark looked down," She left me Y/N. Lois said me being superman was too much."Y/N sigh knowing how to hurt he was. Yes, she was mad at him but sometimes not everything needs a reaction. Keeping it calm, she gave him a hug.

"I'm so sorry Clark, I should've been there for you."

Clark held her close smelling her wonderful smell of lavender. "It's okay Y/N. I know this life is treating you well."

Y/N could feel that it was getting late. "Clark I have to go, but I do have to ask you something." He pulled back glazing into her brown eyes.

"What is it Y/N?"

"Tomorrow evening bring the team to the tower. I want everyone to meet each other. I'll cook! It'll be so much fun."

Clark looked at her with hesitation, "I don't know Y/N.."

Y/N gave him the puppy dog eyes, "Please Clark? You get to see me in a nice outfit." He smiled giving in.

"Oh alright."

-------

"A little bit of this," Y/N murmured pouring grated cheese on top of the macaroni. She placed it in the oven, closing the door with her butt. Dinner consisted of steak with tarragon mushrooms with a side of macaroni. Y/N had been in the kitchen all day while the team did their overview with Fury for missions they have done.

"Smells amazing in here Y/N! What you make?" Steve's voice came from behind while she grabbed plates out of the cabinet. "Food Steve. You'll see when it's dinner time and if you don't mind, can you help me set the table?"

Steve nodded his head with a smile, "Sure I don't mind Y/N." The two joked around while they set the table. Clark and everyone were to be here in about 20 minutes. When she got home from the park last night, Y/N told the avengers about this evening dinner, and boy it was some weird faces.

She didn't know who was harder to convince, Tony or Steve. Maybe because they had been on the team longer. Once finished Y/N ushered Steve to go get dressed. She was so caught up with finishing the meal, that she didn't check the time. "Fuck!"

It was 10 minutes until Clark and the rest got there. She was nowhere near ready. "Y/N why aren't you ready?" Tony asked in disbelief when he walked into the kitchen. Y/N pulled at her hair.

"I know, I know! I was too caught up in finishing the steaks. Can you watch the food so it won't burn? please?"

Tony sigh,"If that makes you get dressed faster then I'll watch it." He opened the lid, the food smelled amazing. "Yeah hurry up, this smells good. I'm ready to eat."

"Thank you!" She kissed his cheek, rushing past so can get dressed.

---------

"Y/N they're here!" Steve called up the stairs. Y/N hopped around on one foot trying to put on the other boot. When it finally slid on her foot, she stood in front of a mirror taking a deep breath. She wanted all her favorite people to come together and be her support. To make her forget about the pain she went through a year ago yesterday.

Y/N walked downstairs with all eyes on her. Clark's mouth was agape from how good she looked. "Arthur! Diana! I've missed you guys!" Y/N hugged her with passion.

"Me too. You look beautiful." Diana hugged her back. Y/N moved towards Arthur giving him a hug. "Thank you."

"Yeah you look too good, don't make me have to beat anyone up from looking too hard." Thor snorted which made Arthur glance at him for a second. Y/N moved to Bruce.

"I hope you're doing good Bruce other than Barry getting on your nerves."

"Hey!" Barry said in defense.

"I'm good, just missed having you around."Bruce expressed which kinda shocked Y/N because he wasn't so open. She then gave Victor and Barry a hug. "I've missed you, two knuckleheads, together."

"We've missed you too." Victor smiled.

"What are we eating, it smells so good in here," Barry said excitedly. Y/N laughing gesturing towards the dining table. "We're about to find out, let's eat!"

Everyone cheered a bit sitting at the table, you know they didn't mingle but sat on the opposite side. Y/N walked over to the stove trying to bring the food to the table but Natasha stopped her.

"I got it Y/N, go sit down. You've been on your feet all day, I can bring the food to the table." Natasha grabbed the glass casserole dish out of her hand. She wasn't lying about her feet hurting but Y/N wasn't going to admit it.

Y/N sigh, "Fine, I'm bringing the champagne to the table though." She hurriedly grabbed two bottles of champagne before Natasha could protest. She definitely needed a sip before dealing with two rival heroes.

----------

There were conversations here and there but most of Y/N. She had all her favorite people in one room. Dinner was running smoothly until...

"So Y/N, Clark told us that you were coming back to stay permanently. I'm excited to have you back." Barry used his knife to cut the steak. Y/N didn't know who to look at crazy him or Clark. She could feel the hard glaze from Bucky.

"What's speedy boy talking about Y/N?" Tony asked tilting his head. Steve sat down his knife.

"Yes please do explain."

"I uh haven't said anything like that. I had planned on visiting, it wasn't official." Y/N scratched her arm out of nervousness from all eyes on her.

"I knew I wasn't going insane. Y/N wasn't going to go back permanently, she's not that crazy." Thor chuckled drinking his champagne.

Victor glanced at him sideways."What's that supposed to mean? Y/N wouldn't be crazy if she came back permanently. That's honestly the perfect decision if she does."

"Guys.." Y/N trailed off but was ignored by everyone. "Y/N is right where she belongs. Do I need to say more?" Loki wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"If she wants to come back permanently then she can. Y/N's only been with you guys for what ? a year? She's been with us forever so you know who she's going to choose." Arthur leaned back in the seat.

"Sure fish boy." Tony let his smart mouth get the best of him. Y/N took a sip of her champagne to calm her nerves.

"Guys..."

She was ignored again. "Y/N is coming with us and that's final. That's the only reason why I came to this wretched place was for her." Clark crossed his arm and Bucky narrowed his eyes at him.

"She's not going anywhere with you. I stand on that."

"Barnes right, you think I was going to let her leave with you after what you did? That's really funny." Natasha chugged the rest of her champagne down. Y/N winced at what she said.

"Guys please."

"Does that matter? Y/N is coming whether you like it or not." Bruce said setting his fork down. Diana nodded in agreement.

"I don't have to anything. Just know I'm not going down without a fight?"

"You people are so petty and tiny." Thor laughed using his fingers to indicate how small they were.

"If Y/N doesn't want to leave she isn't going to leave. it's her decision." Steve sat forward in his seat. They were getting louder by the minute.

"She isn't going, you weaklings," Loki growled sitting forward in his seat as well, not taking eyes off Arthur. Both Clark and Bucky held an intense stare.

"We should go few rounds." Tony stood up and so did Bruce.

"Let's do it then Stark."

Y/N chugged down the rest of the champagne. "Stop." The argument between them grew louder. "Stop!" Y/N stood up placing her hands on the table, no one noticed.

She slammed her hands against the table. "STOP! JUST STOP IT!" Everyone stared at her in shock.

"ENOUGH WITH THIS! I brought you altogether because I wanted support. I needed support."Y/N gritted through her teeth, tears welling in her eyes. "The one time I step out, you all can't even put your petty egos aside. I don't care who I'm staying with and I don't fucking know why it's an argument. I just wanted it to be a normal night."

Y/N lips trembled as she cried, "I can't hold on to this no longer. I was pregnant before I left Clark. I lost the baby. I lost it the day I went to find out the gender." Clark squeezed his eyes closed, his heart broke hearing the news. "And I hate myself so much for even letting myself stress so much that I lost it. When it happened I was alone. I didn't have you, Bruce, or Diana. I didn't have no one. I came to New York heartbroken."

She looked at the Avengers, they held a sad face. Natasha's cheeks were coated with tears."You guys mended my broken heart. You made me feel welcome and I don't know how I could ever repay you." Y/N wiped her tears.

"But I can't deal with this between all of you. I'm leaving so you can have your big ego contest."

She slid the chair back, walking to the elevator. "Y/N!" Bucky called for her but she ignored him. "Shit!" Clark curses under his breath getting up from the chair. Tony shook his head at him.

"Leave her be Clark. She probably went up to the roof or to the park for fresh air."

------------

Y/N sat in the chair at the airport. She was only going out of the country for a couple of days just to clear her mind. Bruce and Tony have been blowing up her phone none stop. She was tired and waiting on her flight to be called. "Ugh, I'm so tired." She mumbled rubbing her temple. She got up going to the bathroom.

It was oddly quiet until she heard panicked screams. "What?" She murmured looking over her shoulder. Parademons were everywhere. Y/N scrambled to grab her phone trying to be quiet. She slid down the wall, covering her mouth trying to contain her breathing so she wouldn't be heard. The vibration from her phone caught one of their attention and she didn't know.

Still scrambling, Y/N declined the call somehow. She knew she was fucked, tears raced down her melanin cheeks as she held her breath. The parademons appeared beside Y/N, one inspected making sure she was the right one. It snatched Y/N up and she screamed.

"CLARK!"

--------

The two teams were either sitting around or cleaning up. Clark stood in front of the wet dishes drying them off while Bucky cleaned them. He froze hearing Y/N scream in his ears. Diana noticed and instantly spoke up.

"What is Clark? What's wrong?"

"Y/N's been kidnapped."

-------

Omg, I feel like this is so weird😂😂😂. I am going to make a part 2 I just gotta think about how it's going to go. I have a busy weekend ahead so I won't update until Monday.

Yk i had to make Y/N damsel in distress 😉. Clark is her lover but Bucky does like her. This is kinda a part 2 of Vacation. I love Marvel and DC so why not put them together 😁!

I hope you guys enjoyed this weird post even though the title has nothing to do with the plot of the story, I just couldn't think of anything 😂😂.

Stay slutty my friends 💜

225 notes · View notes

krysavium-blog · 4 years

Text

Hiraeth

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places in the past.

~•~

You will never realize how important a person is until they had left you already. And the moment you try to hold on to them, they let you go.

~•~

Katsuki knew that the moment he started to hold on, Izuku had already let it go.

~~~~~

Midoriya Izuku had always dreamt to be a hero. To be someone who save others. He wanted to bring justice to the poor and love to the discriminated. He wanted to be their savior.

Yet...

Instead of being the one who will save others, he became the one who needed to be saved. Saved from the insults. Saved from the loneliness. Saved from himself.

Life has never been easy on him.

In the age of two, his father left them with nothing.

In the age of four, he was tested as quirkless.

In the age of five, he was bullied by his old best friend.

In the age of seven, he had no friends.

In the age of ten, he was scolded for trying to save someone.

In the age of fourteen, his favorite hero told him that he couldn't be a hero.

He tried his best to achieve his goals but he was caught up in the thorns planted by the society. He was made fun of, insulted, looked down and hated. Why?! Why was it him? What did he do wrong? All he wanted was to be hero but why is it that people are against him?

He cried and cried. He cried until there's no tears left to cry. He screamed out loud until the his voice went out. He called for help until he was scolded by the world.

Life is so cruel.

"Why don't you swan dive from the roof and wished that you'll a quirk on your next life."

...

Izuku considered the suggestion.

~•~

It was their graduation when Izuku stood on the top of the roof. Bandages warped around his broken body. He was tired. Tired of everything that he suffered. What's the point? He had already lost his will to survive.

It was already in the afternoon and the graduation ceremony had just ended. Students were scattered at the gate of the campus, talking to friends and congratulating each other. How he wished to be just like them. To be normal but he was not normal. He was different.

He looked at the beautiful flowers that bloomed into the world. How he wished to be as beautiful as them. To be lovely but he wss not pretty. He was an ugly weed.

He looked at the sky and stared at the birds that sung gracefully. How he wished to be as talented as them. To be able to show a skill but he was not skillful enough. He was useless.

Closing his eyes, he remembered his life. He wished to have happy memories but he never had one. He could only remember the sad ones.

He really lived a pitiful life.

Izuku wished to have at least one reason to lived but except for his mother, he had nothing. He was a waste of space. He had no contribution to the world, all he did was being a worthless being always admiring and always being unwanted.

After a deep breath, he screamed "I wished to live happy in my next life!"

Taking a step forward, he fell. With people witnessing his action.

...

But before he could even hit the ground, someone saved his sorry excuse of a body.

~•~

Bakugou Katsuki was gifted with a wealthy family and a powerful quirk. He was beloved by others that he became confident of himself. He see himself above everyone else. He see himself as the king. He was too focus on himself that he forgot his old bestfriend. He forgot the promises he made with him.

Instead, he bullied his old friend.

For years, he never stopped his discrimination against the boy. He kept on doing it until he broke him apart.

Katsuki had became someone he doesn't want to be. Instead of being a hero that saves people, he became the villains that antagonizing others.

The worst thing is that, he never realized this not until it happened.

"I wished to live happy in my next life!"

He saw his old best friend fall in front of him. He was scared yet nonetheless, used his quirk to caught him. He was looking for answers why would the boy do that. Why would Izuku kill himself but then he remembered.

Was it not him who said those words? To jump and wish to have quirk on the next life.

He suddenly feel disgusted of himself. Why did he do that? Why in the world did he do that? When did he started to changed? When did he became evil?

When did it all go wrong?

He was supposed to protect him. He was supposed to be his hero. But the past is the past. His actions had already been done. All he could do was to apologize.

Do he even have the right to apologize?

He could only wait. Wait for the right time.

~•~

Its been a month since Izuku's suicide attempt and has been confined in his room ever since. His mother was devasted when she heard about the news. She never expected that his son that shines brighter than the sun would try to end his life.

His eyes that reflects hope was now dull as if there's no life in it. His smile that could be compared to gold was nowhere to be seen.

He was just like a robot, unable to feel anything.

How did he became like this?

"Auntie Inko..."

Her train of thoughts was interrupted by a voice she heard for years.

"Katsuki, don't worry about Izuku. He'll be fine for sure."

She tried to lighten up the mode which made Katsuki more guilty.

"No- Its not about that.... I have a confession to made."

Inko was confused. What confession?

"Auntie.. The reason why De- Izuku attempt to suicide was because of me..."

What? What does he mean?

"I have been bullying Izuku since our childhood days."

Say what? Inko never knew about this, rather, Izuku never told her about this. She actually never knew what Izuku had suffered all these years. The boy whom she thought as her son's friend was actually the reason why all of this happened. Just how an airhead is she?

"You?..... You did this to my Izuku?"

Tears started to flow from her eyes as she cried.

"Why? Why did you do it?"

Katsuki felt helpless at the situation. He only looked down and whispered.

"I'm sorry. Auntie, I'm sorry."

Inko closed her eyes in anger, trying to stop the tears from falling. She put a hand on Katsuki's chest and push him away.

"Just go."

The boy could only stare at her and nod.

"And never let me see your face ever again."

Katsuki was horrified at her words but what can he do? He did this.

He turned away and left.

~•~

Todoroki Shouto was the fourth child of the Pro Hero Endeavor. He was the child who had both quirks of his parents. Others may see it as blessing but he sees it as a curse. To have both means to be the perfect child his father had always wanted.

He had always hated his father. For forcing him to be perfect. For abusing his family. For scaring his mother until she went crazy.

But she was not crazy at all.

He touched his scar at the upper left part of his face. He could still remember the fear he saw at the face of his parent. How scared she was of his other side.

He sighed before grabbing the doorknob and entered. He expected his mother to be there, sitting in the bed but to his surprised, it was another patient.

The patient was a young boy with green curly hair. Freckles scattered on his face like stars and his skin looked so soft. He was beautiful but his eyes..... his eyes looked so dead.

Shouto just stared at the boy when a voice wake him up.

"Excuse me, you are?"

He was flustered and looked down.

"Oh sorry. I'm Todoroki Shouto."

He apologized but the other only chuckled softly.

"Its fine. My name is Midoriya Izuku."

Izuku replied.

Shouto explained why he was there for his mother and how he accidentally went to this room instead.

They were so focus at the conversation when Inko arrived all of a sudden. Shouto was startled before going out to visit his mother.

"Shouto, what are you thinking about? You have a big smile in your face." his mother asked, shocked at how her youngest son expressed such expression.

"Its nothing, mother. I just met someone."

~•~

Katsuki held on the notebook tightly. It was not just a normal notebook but the notebook that he burned. It was Izuku's.

Sighing at his actions, he went to the hospital. He heard from his mother that Inko was not around today since she will be doing an overnight work.

Its not that he did not respect the woman but he just can't stand there and do nothing. It was his fault after all. Even an apology could do.

Looking at the door, he raised his hand to knock but then he heard some voices inside. One was talking and one was laughing. Curious, he took a peek inside and it broke his heart.

Izuku was finally laughing... But it was not with him. It was with another boy with a dual hair color. He could feel the happiness that his old friend expressed. He could also see the love in the eyes of the stranger.

The heck?!

Katsuki crumpled the notebook in anger before realizing that he don't have the right to feel this way.

No matter how jealous he is, he can't ruin the joy of Izuku.

Not again.

He closed the door quietly before walking away.

How he wished to return to the start. To change his ways. To be the hero he had always wanted to be.

He wanted to hold on the promises they both made before. But he knew.

Katsuki knew that the moment he started to hold on, Izuku already had let it go.

((picture ctto))

#bnha #bnha midoriya #bnha imagines #boku no hero fanfic #boku no academia #tododeku #bakudeku #anime #bakugou x midoriya #todoroki x midoriya #mha deku #deku #angst #mha #my hero academy fanfiction #my hero academia #fanfic #krys' literature

107 notes · View notes

shawnpetermuffins · 5 years

Text

I Miss You

A/n: I hope this is good because I put this off for so long wanting to do it justice. And this is based very loosely off I Miss you.

Summary: you two broke up recently, and it's not sitting well with Shawn, even though he's the reason you broke up.

Requested by @it-isnt-in-myy-blood: Hi, I recently listened to the song 'I Miss you' (Clean Bandit, Julia Michaels). Maybe you could write a fic based on the song, angsty but with a fluff ending? Thank you... ❤️

***

Kinda_yourname

2,158 likes

Kinda_yourname Cabo sunsets >>>> anything else

•

It may have only been a week, but I'm missing it here! 😭

Comments have been disabled.

I shut my phone off and toss it to the end of the bed. I should have been with her on that trip, but tour got in the way. I got in the way. It's crazy to think that if you asked me three weeks ago, I would have said that my girlfriend and I could overcome any obstacle thrown at us. But ask me again a week later, and I would tell you I was wrong. That being away from her for months at a time was too much for me and I broke it off because I thought it would be what was best for both of us in the end.

Now ask me if I still believe that.

I don't.

I haven't told anyone about us yet. I mean, everyone probably suspects because there haven't been Amy preshow FaceTime calls for good luck, and I'm not texting like a madman during dinner or when we're on our way to the venues. And I know she hasn't said anything to anyone either. How? Because for one, she hasn't blocked me on any social media - I know, I've checked at least ten times just within the last two hours. And two, she hasn't deleted the three pictures of us that she has on her Instagram. They're still there for everyone to see, me included.

Now my fingers are hovering over the keyboard and I'm staring at her name on my phone which is still My Love 😍, and I'll probably never change it. Because she is my love, and to strip her of that title because I'm an idiot just isn't fair.

Hey... I miss you

I type and backspace and type and backspace at least ten times. Because I want to text her. I want so badly to text her, but what if she doesn't want to hear from me? I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to. I was the worst. Breaking up with her over the phone, no less because I was hurting being away from her. Never once did it occur to me that, yeah, she was hurting too. Or maybe she's with someone else. Maybe she's found somebody new. I want her happy, sure. But I selfishly still want to be the one that makes her happy.

Y/n I miss you.

I delete it one last time and open my photo gallery. I have an album saved for photos of us. Photos that I never got to post because she wanted to keep us as private as possible without being a secret. Which is why both of us only have 3 photos of each other on our Instagram. One for our six months, a year, and a year and a half. Two more months and we would have had a fourth picture.

I'm swiping through the photos landing on one I took of her when we were flying back to Canada after our first trip together. We're on a private jet because this was before we went public with our relationship. Andrew made sure that we weren't seen together in the airport or anything. She's sitting in the seat across the aisle from me, legs up to her chest, earphones in, head resting on her knees as she smiles brightly at me. There's another one of us curled up together on this tiny chair in a green room in the UK that Andrew sent me. She's literally curled into a ball on my lap, sleeping peacefully and my legs are spread in front of me, arms wrapped tightly around her body, head resting against the back of the seat.

The next one Brian took. We were at my place for a very impromptu new years party. It was just gonna be me and y/n, but she insisted we invite the guys over. And we did. It was one of the best nights of my life. We're watching the ball drop, with her in my lap, arm around my shoulder. I have one arm behind her back, the other on her thigh. I think Brian knew something was going to happen because at ten seconds to midnight he pulled his phone out and captured out first new years kiss. She's holding my face and I'm practically leaning her back against the couch. It looks like I'm seconds away from crawling on top of her, and it be honest, I probably was. She's just too perfect for me to resist.

Then there's one that Josiah took of us just a few months ago at the studio house. I had y/n on the kitchen counter, she was in these jean shorts that I loved her in and a button up that she'd stolen from my suitcase. Not that I was complaining. It looked far better on her than it did on me. I stood between her legs, my hands on her sides, slipping under the shirt a little bit, leaning her hips exposed. Not that either of u cared with her fingers threaded in my hair as casually as they were. My face is blocked by her figure, but there isn't a doubt in my mind that I was smiling entirely too wide standing between her legs.

The video that follows knocks the breath out of me. She giggling like crazy, but the camera isn't on her, it's on me. On my back, more specifically. She laughs even more when I wince at the feel of her fingers on my red, raw skin that is now home of her fingernail scratches.

"Baby? What happened to your back?" She asked, amused.

"Don't know," I said, turning to face her, my cheeks still holding a slight blush. "But I think the real question is, what happened to your neck, missy?" I pluck the phone from her hands and turn the camera to her where she's trying to cover her face. I manage, however, to take her hands in my free one and the camera focuses on the flourishing bruises that litter her beautiful neck, my favorite place to rest my head.

I close my eyes, the memory of that night filling my mind. Watching her come down from her high, my face still buried between her legs. The weight and cold touch of her hands as she pulled me up to her, into her, because she needed me closer. I can hear myself murmuring the words 'I love you' all over her skin, still remember the way her back arched when I hit the right spot again and again and her finger ran down my back over and over, once more and she probably would have drawn blood. And I may not be home, but I can smell her on the sheets, that constant aroma of warm vanilla penetrating my nostrils. God, do I miss her.

I'm only making it worse for myself by doing this, I know that. But I should feel bad. I lost the greatest thing in my life and I didn't need to. So I got back to our messages, but instead of going to type a new one, I scroll through, reading through our old texts. There's countless paragraphs of us professing our love for each other. Lots of random pictures sent, most from my side. There's conversations about getting a home together, and a dog. And her telling me how much she loves my family and me telling her how much they love her, how much they ask about her. It's all hitting me too hard right now.

And it doesn't help that im literally sobbing at 2 in the morning, in Paris. The city of love. The place she told me was her favorite trip to ever take with me. Where we stood atop the eiffle tower and I gave her a promise ring, a ring that said I would love her and keep her forever. A promise ring that was now probably in the ocean in Cabo because I tore us apart so easily.

I sit up suddenly, struggling to catch my breath. It takes a few minutes, but I'm able to pull myself out of this empty bed that would only be comfortable with y/n laying next to me. I'm scrambling through the room, picking up the pair of jeans I threw off my body earlier and slipping back into them. I find a torn work out shirt in the bottom of my back and push my head and arms through before throwing my youth hoodie over my already overheated upper body. My passport is sitting in my guitar case, and I grab both things without a second thought. My suitcase trailing behind me.

It's difficult booking a flight and carrying a suitcase and guitar all at once, but I get along just well enough and adjust myself in the lobby while I wait for a taxi. I don't text Andrew until I've made it to the airport and am in my seat on the plane, ready for take off.

Emergency... had to fly home. Promise to make it back in time for the Paris show.

And I turn my phone off before he can text or call me back. Because there isn't a damn thing that he could say that would keep me there in a city that's meant for lovers, when my lover is across the world instead of laying in my arms the way she should be.

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know there is someone out there who is better for her. Someone who isn't constantly on the move. Someone who can come home to her every night and help her make dinner. Someone who can cuddle her until she falls asleep when she's having a particularly bad day. I know there's someone who can do those things.

But I also know that he won't love her the way I do. He won't know all the little things that I do. Like how she only uses a blue toothbrush. Always has. And he won't notice the tiny scar that she has on her right middle finger from when we tried to make dinner together one night and she cut herself. He probably won't know that she wakes up at 3:34 every single night, because she hasn't been able to sleep fully and soundly through the night since she was four years old. And he'll mess up the way she likes her tea, using tea bags instead of leaves. (She like the herbal taste that you get when you use the leaves. And she likes when you do two scoops of them, and two scoops of sugar, but just cane sugar, the rock sugar makes it too earthy. And of course, she drinks it on ice because she hates burning her tongue with hot drinks.)

I'm thinking way too much as I get off the plane, reluctantly turning my phone back on only to see texts from just about everyone I know. They're all asking where I am, but I ignore them, because what I'm about to do is far more important than anything they threaten me with. I have to make things right.

Standing in front of this door that I've stood in front of hundreds of times should make me feel at ease. Remembering all the times I had her pressed against the other side of the door because I just couldn't wait to have her all to myself. But if anything, it's making me more nervous. So nervous that my hands are shaking, palms sweating, my breathing is jagged and I know if I don't knock right now I might never get the chance again and I can't lose her for real this time. So without giving myself the chance to rethink, I knock on the door three times and I wait, handing in the pocket of my hoodie.

I wait a solid thirty seconds, which feel like an eternity, before the door finally opens and I see my beautiful girl. Her face is bare, hair only halfway straightened, and she's in those shorts I love and my old Led Zepplin t-shirt.

"Shawn," my name still sounds like heaven spilling from her lips. "What are you doing here?" She crosses and then uncrosses her arms, shifting her weight from one leg to the other before standing completely straight.

I didn't even realize I was crying until I sniffled and heard my voice crack with just three words, "I miss you."

"Shawn," she shook her head.

"I tried not to," I insisted, still standing like a fool on her door step. "I swear I did. But I couldn't stop. I looked through all our pictures and texts, and I couldn't stop myself from missing you. And I know I have no right to because I broke things off. But I was in Paris and I was miserable because Paris was your favorite place, and that was where I promised to love you forever, and I'm still keeping that promise. I was an idiot," I continue to ramble. "If there's a better word for that, then I'm that too, because I thought it would be easier if I broke things off. This tour was going to be so long and to go that long without each other, I was scared that it wouldn't be enough for you. But it's not what I wanted, y/n. It's not, and I just-"

"Shawn, stop."

I shut my mouth instantly, ready for her to tell me to leave. But what she does instead throws me completely off guard. She pulls me into the apartment and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her head deep in my chest.

"I miss you, too." She mumbles and I exhale slowly, only to inhale that scent that I love so much. The scent that is naturally her. She starts to pull away, and even though I don't want her to, I let her but she only leans back enough to take my face in her hands and before I even have time to blink, her soft lips are on mine and I'm whole again.

She's mine again and I'm never letting her go.

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel

This took me longer to write than it should have, but I kinda really like it. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you Wednesday for more content! 💙

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes smut #smfsource

233 notes · View notes

xxsammysaurousxx · 5 years

Text

04/01/2019

I could make a blog post with a kawaii anime picture and such like I usually do but I have a lot I want to write about so I ended up using my boyfriend’s computer.

I honestly haven’t been doing a lot lately since I’ve been back but spending time with the family and playing phone games. I have so many new and enlightening books I need to read, art that is yet to be made, and things that have yet to be written - like me writing in my actual physical diary which is so rare these days but of which I used to do every single day - but I lack motivation. I could blame it on my disorder. Or I could blame it on being a protagonist. But either way I need to own up to the fact that this is something I am struggling with as my own flaw and I need to put forth the steps to fix this problem because I don’t always want to be this way. Especially since I am an influence to my children. Really I know deep down this lack of motivation stems from my disorder and me not using my strength and assets adequately. I really need to get some professional help but it’s hard to find a health clinic like they had in the country out here in the city. You’d think they’d be easier to find... Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough.

Anyways aside from that things have been going really really really well on the whole relationship and family front.

Sometimes I’ll still get paranoia and random intrusive and irrational thoughts but for the most part I just try to put them aside and focus on all the good I have in my life because it truly is boundless and limitless. Sometimes it gets so bad though. Like I will actually play out negative scenarios in my head. Kind of like I’m daydreaming but instead of fantasizing about delightful things happening to me I imagine the worst possible things that could happen to me, emotionally. Maybe that is an offset of my PTSD. Maybe the paranoia and delusional visions is my subconscious trying to tell me that I still hold onto fear of being pained again. This is even evident in my day to day life because sometimes I will become suspicious and weary of my partner cheating on me when really I do have so much faith in him and believe that he would never do that to me. But when I get these paranoid thoughts and delusions it’s a different me. Not the real me. And I have to remind this me that it’s all in my head and to have more faith that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me because he truly does love me with all of his heart. Him and I have been through hell and back together and we are still together. We have both changed for the better for each other and through loving each other.

Ugh there’s so much I want to document here. I am truly loving every single second of this life I am living with Bryan and our little family.

04/03/19

See this is exactly what I mean when I say it takes me forever to sit down and write a blog post. But I just found out I can write in cursive on here so that's pretty cool. I think the size of the font is kinda extra but I'm still going to use it cause I wanna. Anyways. I wish I could document all the moments happening in my life right now. There's so much beauty all around me and in my life every single day. It amazes me sometimes how blessed I am. And then of course Depression/irrational thoughts try to rear their ugly heads. But I have to remember the power and strength I have within myself and my God. There is nothing in this life I can not do. Anything is truly possible with this divine life path I have taken. I just must embrace the divinity of it.

As for my paranoia about my lover... It stems from my own insecurities as well as not being able to let go of the past. If I'm ever going to be truly happy with my man and in this relationship then I need to learn how to just let go of everything I've experienced in the past and just live in the present moment. Be here. Now. Because there is so much beauty in the present and I'm going to miss this one day.

I am going to miss this moment I am living in so much that I will look back on this blog and reminisce. Of when my son was so young - only 3 and a half months - and small and fragile...

How he plays with my hair and fusses when I set him down for too long and just wants to be held. How he holds onto my finger with his tiny hands and his adorable expressions and baby babble.

The other day B and I were taking Jedi somewhere and before leaving we looked into the car seat because the baby was giggling. He stopped when we both looked at him, looked up at us with his beautiful blue eyes, and laughed with us. It made B and I both so joyous. And this morning we were laying in bed with him as we do early in the mornings when he refuses to go back to sleep and he said "dada" and "yeah" & he also said "hi" this morning <3

And of course I'll miss how the first word he ever said was "mama" when he cries for me. This precious child of mine moves my heart to depths I never knew before.

And then my relationship woth B... It's truly the best it's ever been. I've never been so happy nor felt so secure in my whole life. I undwrstand him better especially about the whole not having sex thing because I can now harness my own spiritual energy when we are sexually stagnant. The love we share goes way beyond that of the physical and the relationship we share is truer than any other one ive ever been in. Sometimes I get crazy but I just need to learn to either be mindful of all the blessings and joy I have in my life or don't think at all.

Anyways we have shared a lot of beautiful moments these past two weeks we have been back together. I started playing Pokemon Go with him and we've caught a lot of beautiful sunrises together. The other morning I was looking at the game and B said excitedely "look babe!" & I dumbfoundedly looked up at the most gorgeous bright pink sunrise. It was definitely a good omen.

& This picture definitely does no justice but it will suffice~^0^

We also watched a movie I've been wanting to see on Netflix called The Dirt. You know, the one about Mötley Crüe. Legendary. Anywho I'm really glad we actually got to sit down and watch a movie together. We hardly ever get to do that because B doesn't really have the attention spam for movies, or so he says. He's just not a movie guy but he knows how badly I've been wanting to watch it with him and he canceled his plans woth his friend just to watch it with me. He's the best. He really is. And he deserves all of my love and faith. Unconditionally, just as my God loves me. <3 <3 <3

Oh yes, I'll miss this. The cuddles and warmth in the middle of the night. Being able to hold his hand whenever I need. Being able to talk to him about anything and everything. Going places and making love with him. But hopefully it never ends.

I believe in us. And our beautiful family.

~Xx Sammy Saurous RexX~

0 notes

betsynagler · 5 years

Text

1.8 Insults a Day

On inauguration day in 2017, which was also, sadly, my birthday, Damon and I were feeling shitty about the world, and so one way we decided to resist was by creating a Twitter bot called About a Bully, with the handle @insultingdonald. For those of you who don’t know what a Twitter bot is, it’s a Twitter account that you digitally alter to run automatically. Most bots tweet on a regular schedule or in response to certain stimuli, like people tweeting at it who want to see what it will come up with when it answers them. You can make it generate its own material if you know enough about AI (although if you think you know about AI and you don’t you can end up creating something like this, so it’s best not to fuck around), or you can create a bunch of material that it can mix up according to formulae you give it and send out at random. The material we chose for About a Bully was Trump’s insults, but rewritten so that they are directed at him. So if you follow @insultingdonald, about three times a day you will see it tweet out things like “Trump is a liar!”, or “Sleazebag President Donald Trump,” or “Never in the history of our Country has the ‘president’ been more dishonest than he is today.” If you're familiar with our current president, you will recognize a lot of these tweets for who they are typically directed at. For instance, from time to time you'll see something like “Donald Trump, who I call Pocahontas,” which refers to Elizabeth Warren, or something about “FAKE TRUMP,” which fills in for his many tweets railing at the media, and of course lots of “Crooked Donald”s — which you'd have to be living under a rock to not know was in its original form “Crooked Hilary,” something that also comes up at lot because he’s still regularly tweeting about her this way, two and half years after the 2016 election, especially when he’s feeling defensive about the Mueller probe, which is basically always.

Which brings me to something that I didn't anticipate when we created this bot. Because Damon is the coder in our duo, I do most of the analog end of our work. To maintain About a Bully, this means that I am the one who has to go in every few months and collect and adapt Trump’s insults, which means I have to comb through months of his tweets at a stretch. Given how industrious he is in this one area (as opposed to pretty much anything else, other than maybe watching Fox), that generally means I spend several hours immersing myself in…well, just garbage. A stream of pure, steaming, foul-smelling offal. At least that’s how it feels.

This is not what most people experience when they follow the president on Twitter. For them, he’s just one person in their feed, that flow of tweets from all of the people they follow, that appears basically in real time. If you're following maybe 200 people, one of whom is Trump, you'll see his tweets mixed up with everyone else’s, popping up a few times a day — which is why lots of people I’ve always assumed are sane, like some of my friends as well as Jordan Peele, Chris Pratt, Chris Rock, Seth Meyers, and John Cusack, who don’t have to follow him for work like journalists or politicians presumably do, can tolerate following him (although the comedians do also need to generate material, so there’s that).

But if you go to Trump’s Twitter page and read three to six months of tweets at a stretch, the picture is very different. First of all, you see just how much he repeats himself, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and just keep going with the overs. He hammers away at the same claims, complaints and attacks, day after day — sometimes the exact same, when he retweets himself, as he frequently does, or when he uses his regular slogans, like some version of “THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE.” He also repeatedly uses the same words or phrases, such as

exciting

beautiful

tremendous

great

smart

sacred (this one’s especially bizarre, given all that we know about him)

special

NO COLLUSION

PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT (ironic)

not smart / low IQ (also ironic, for someone who threatened his high school and college not to divulge his transcripts or SAT scores)

crazy (okay, let’s just say they are all ironic)

disgrace / disgraceful

conflicted (used to describe someone or something that has a conflict of interest, not someone who feels conflicted. Yeah, took me a while to figure that one out, since my reaction was always, “I don't really think Bob Mueller is conflicted at all about the Russia investigation.”)

dopey

fake or FAKE

failed, or failing

illegal

dishonest

lying or lyin’

Crooked, as I already mentioned, always capitalized because it’s always used as part of, or a substitute for, Hilary Clinton’s name.

Whether this repetitiveness is a strategy or something of which he's unaware, or a combination of the two, is hard to say since we can’t actually go inside his mind (although reading his tweets gets pretty close, which, again, is why I feel covered in filth after doing it for a few hours). Regardless, it is mind-numbing, and thus hard not to read as both the work of someone absent-minded and slightly deranged, and propaganda. Especially because, second, his tweets are just full of flat-out lies, which he also repeats. This is a technique we’ve seen perfected at Fox News and then passed on to the entire Republican Party as “staying on message,” but it’s especially necessary if you’re trying to generate a "fact” out of thin air. Here are just the ones that he said so far today:

“The Wall is being built and is well under construction.” People on both sides of the aisle (most blatantly his friend and foe Ann Coulter) have pointed out repeatedly how untrue this is.

“We are apprehending record numbers of illegal immigrants - but we need the Wall to help our great Border Patrol Agents!” Impossible, since only 521K were apprehended in 2018, and the trend is downward overall, from a high of 1.5 million in 2000. He actually claimed himself that the numbers were down throughout 2017 and 2018, as proof that his border policies were working, and has only now 180-ed on that to prove we have a “state of emergency.”

“Both the Judge and the lawyer in the Paul Manafort case stated loudly and for the world to hear that there was NO COLLUSION with Russia.” What the judge actually said was that Manafort was “not before this court for anything having to do with collusion with the Russian government to influence this election,” which is not at all the same thing, and the lawyer who said there was no collusion was Manafort’s lawyer, who also claimed he wasn’t guilty of bank fraud or cheating on his taxes, two things of which he was just convicted.

And this is not an unusual amount, since, according to the Washington Post the president averaged 15 false claims a day in 2018.

Third, his tweets are full of incorrect grammar and spelling. Typos like “hamberders” and “Covfefe” have become the most famous instances, but nearly every tweet has something wrong with it. There's erroneous capitalization (most of which he claims is for added emphasis, but in the case of, for example, “Where are the new Texts between Agent Lisa Page and her Agent lover, Peter S?”, what is there to emphasize about Texts?). There is the weird/incorrect use of punctuation, like dashes and scare quotes where they don't belong and missing apostrophes where they do (here's one that contains all three!: “Without strong Borders, we don’t have a Country - and the voters are on board with us. Be strong and smart, don’t fall into the Democrats “trap” of Open Borders and Crime!”). And there are the most basic mistakes like spelling “lose” as “loose,” “heal” as “heel” (very Freudian), “there” as “their” and vice versa, “too” or “two” as “to,” etc etc. Of course with any of these, you can say that lots of people make these kinds of mistakes, but you must always remember, they aren't the president of the United States.

Which is what's so remarkable and disturbing about diving into this stream of spew: it’s yet another appalling example of something we've just accepted Trump does that you cannot imagine any other president would have been caught dead doing, of something that is not normal that we've just gotten used to. Even W, who we all thought was not the sharpest tool in the shed, knew enough to delegate things he wasn't good at (and if the world as we know it is fucked because he delegated too many of them to Dick Cheney, that’s not because Cheney was not competent at achieving what he wanted, but because he was). Trump’s Twitter feed shows him not only to be just as stupid and arrogant as you think — because he figures that all of this thoughtless, repetitive crap that comes into his head and then out of his tiny fingers is exciting, beautiful, tremendous!, just as it is, and thus doesn't need to be vetted or edited, even when it potentially obstructs justice or reveals information damaging to national security — but even more self-promoting, defensive, childish, crude, and vindictive, and obsessively so. It's the feed of someone who so believes that the only truth is what he wants it to be, and that he can make the whole world that way if he just continues to hammer it into submission, repeatedly, day after day after day. And on a lot of those days, it seems that America keeps proving him right. Republican lawmakers are certainly trying.

Perhaps the saddest thing that we’ve figured out since 2015, when the New York Times started collecting his insults (and we give them full credit for tracking this phenomenon before we did), is that Trump has averaged 1.8 per day. And that means, since he actually can go for days without an insult if things are going well for him or if he just feels like retweeting other people (and we only include the insults that originate with him), that the concentration of insults you’ll encounter on a given day can often be an impressive four or five. Now, I’m sure we all know people who average more insults than this — the worst bully you ever encountered in junior high, the most horrible boss you ever had, the crazy neighbor down the hall who made your life hell, Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh — but again, none of these people are the President of the United States, to whom we somehow chose to give more power than anyone else in the nation, and in doing so, perhaps the world.

One other thing I noticed this time around, though, was that there are now a lot of people trolling Trump. More people who are anti-Trump than pro respond to his tweets these days, and there are people who do it relentlessly. Sometimes they have cogent arguments with evidence to support them, but a lot of the posts just include memes and name-calling. Then the MAGA people troll the trolls, and then other people troll them, and on and on, until all the yelling and insults surrounding his feed become a reflection of it. It’s sort like what our bot does, only we created our thing to purposely hold up a funhouse mirror to Trump’s tweets and point out their ugly absurdity, whereas this flow of comment bile just shows how he's actually reshaped so much of the way people “talk” about politics now into a warped reflection of himself. And yes, you can and must also blame the internet for that, and Newt Gingrich, and Steve Bannon, and Roger Ailes, but Trump is their golem, the ultimate manifestation of what we let them do, brought to life in such horrible fashion that many days it still doesn’t seem real to me. And then I go read his fucking tweets.

I used to think that if your average Republican — not his die-hard supporters, because I've given up on them — read his feed the way that I do, with all the repetition and lies and mistakes, and repetition of the lies and mistakes, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and hopefully you get it now, they'd recognize how appalling it is that Trump is our president, and realize they can't vote for him in 2020. But now I think maybe they'd just see it all as normal, as the way we talk about issues, the way we talk about each other: us vs. them, good vs. bad, my truth vs. your truth because I make mine real, everything justified in this zero-sum conflict which is best expressed not in conversation, but in insults. And where do you go from there?

0 notes