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sundrop-writes · 2 months

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Careful - Chapter One

(Dad)Spencer Reid x (Mom)Fem!Reader

Chapter One: Over Yet

We can go farther, beyond the end.

Summary:

You and Spencer broke up more than four years ago. Since then, he has tried his best to forget about you. He has pushed all of his feelings down - locked them away into a little box that he never touches.

That is, until he sees your name on a list of potential victims being stalked and killed by a man who kills single mothers. (And he quickly realizes that your son could be his.)

Dad!Spencer Reid x Mom!Fem!Reader. Exes to Lovers. Angst.

Word Count: 5,900

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link | Series Masterlist

Please keep in mind - I am not doing a taglist for this series, so please do not ask to be tagged in future parts. I do not do taglists. If you want to be notified when future parts of this fic are posted, you can follow this blog and turn on notifications here - I don't make personal posts on this blog, it is just pure posts of my fanfiction. Or you can subcribe on AO3 to get email notifications when this series is posted. You can also view the posting schedule on the series materlist and check @tenpintsof-sundrop for any information about possible changes to that schedule.

Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: general warnings for a Criminal Minds episode - mentions of murder/killing, somewhat graphic descriptions of killing, somewhat graphic descriptions of dead bodies, the underlying misogyny that comes with a man killing women, mentions of children being orphaned due to their mothers being killed (though there is no mentions of other living family members taking care of those children - you can imaging that they still have nice families to take care of them if you want, I didn’t fill in that detail), mentions of children being in proximity of a serial killer; exes to lovers - the reader and Spencer broke up and the reason why will be revealed later; mentions of pregnancy/mentions of the reader having a child; mentions of sex that resulted in a child/pregnancy (there is no detailed sex scenes/detailed smut in this chapter, but there will be in other chapters); mentions of JJ x Will; the reader’s looks are described as vaguely as possible; passing mention of incest (in the context of a historical figure); all statements that Spencer makes toward the end of this chapter were heavily researched and are factual; I think that’s about it?

A/N: The reader and Spencer originally dated around Season 1/Season 2 - I state at some point during the fic that they dated for 3 years before breaking up, so they started dating when he was very early Season 1 baby Spence (or even before Season 1) and they broke up around Season 2. So technically this fic takes place around Season 6 - but because I didn't want to distract from the plot, I didn't mention any of the stuff going on with Emily or any of those major canon plot points, and I am using pictures of later versions of Spencer just because that's who I was picturing in my head while writing this. But that's how the math works out. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fic!! This chapter is more of an introduction before we really get into the meat of things, but I still hope that you guys like it.

...

The team had been in Portland for three days.

No leads, a confusing, inconsistent profile - huge pieces missing that would likely give them the real answers.

A patient killer with an extended timeline who likely wouldn’t kill again for months - leaving them chasing their tails, looking for answers.

“Okay, so, let’s take a step back.” Hotch sighed. “What do we know so far?”

He leaned against a nearby table, looking at everyone with the hope of reassessing the case from a different angle. The hope of talking it out to get some answers.

Another woman’s body had been found just before they arrived, and that would mean that the UnSub would be out hunting again soon. This was both good and bad.

Good, because the UnSub clearly had to spend a lot of time stalking his victims - he knew a lot of details of their lives, and he had spent a lot of time developing an intimate fantasy of being a part of their family in his mind. So he wouldn’t be killing again the next day. No woman was in immediate danger. It gave the team more time to find viable suspects.

Bad because they had no physical evidence, no good leads. And thus far, the profile was leading them nowhere. It felt incomplete.

They could find no real connections between the victims - their gyms, their banks, their childcare, their grocery stores. Somehow, the victims didn’t seem to have any crossover in their lives. There was no real way to say how the UnSub had met them. And someone like this - he would have interacted with them at least once in order to become obsessed and stalk them to this degree.

“Five women dead within the last three years.” Prentiss announced, starting to round up the facts that the team knew for certain. “All of them mothers, all with children under the age of five. All within the same ten square mile radius of Oregon, around Portland’s suburban neighborhoods.”

She slumped back into her chair with a tired huff, and then continued.

“The UnSub breaks into their homes through a backdoor or a back window, and somehow goes undetected in such an upscale neighborhood.” She sighed. “He kills the mothers, but he leaves their children alive. And then he calls 9-1-1 to report the death as a case of child neglect.”

“So he was likely neglected by his own mother in his childhood.” Morgan easily theorized.

“All of the victims upper-middle class, single mothers to one child with good jobs. All of them are of the same physical type.” Rossi added on. “They’re the same race, they have the hair color, they’re the same body type - all in their late twenties to early thirties. So the UnSub definitely has a type. He’s most definitely recreating a fantasy of some kind - perhaps taking out revenge on his own mother, but protecting himself. Which is why he never hurts the children.”

“Yeah, but the children are different.” Morgan replied. “Sometimes boys, sometimes girls. Some of them are biracial - he doesn’t look for a specific type in the father. He doesn’t necessarily need to see himself in the children.”

Then, as another thought occurred to him, Morgan continued on:

“Plus, the children’s ages vary from barely a year old all the way up to five - if he was looking to seek revenge on his mother, looking to protect a younger version of himself, then he would have locked in on a critical event that he needs to protect himself from. The age of the children would be more consistent, at least, because he would be looking to protect himself as he hits the age that he was most traumatized by a specific event.”

“That’s good.” Hotch nodded. “Then we know that it’s more about the mothers. He hates women at his core. Protecting the children is just a byproduct of his obsession over these women.”

“But we still have no clue how these women could be connected or how they met the UnSub.” Morgan replied, jaw stiff with frustration.

“Focus on what we do know.” Hotch reminded him.

“All of the women were killed via stabbing. They all had over a dozen stab wounds to their stomachs and genital areas.” Rossi replied. “So, he is an aggressive sexual sadist.”

“But if he hates women so much, why spend so much time in the house?” Morgan argued gently. “Every single one of these scenes has evidence that the UnSub spent hours - possibly up to a day in the house before he killed them. He cooked dinner, set the table, and made the women eat it before he killed them. Including a second place setting for a child. Some of the kids even said that ‘the scary man’ tucked them into bed and read them a story.”

He held up one of the crime scene photos that depicted the scene of the family’s place settings - a haunting scene of plates not cleaned up from dinner, with a flower vase sitting in the middle of the table with a few white flowers wilting inside of it.

“He’s right - why bother to show them the kindness of a last meal if he shows so much aggression toward them during the killing?” Prentiss added on.

“It’s a routine.” Hotch said, the thought suddenly occurring to him. “It’s likely that he chooses single mothers because he gets to play the role of the father. With the real father figure absent from the picture, it makes it easier for him to impose himself into that role. At least for a temporary amount of time.”

“It is strange.” Reid added on, clearly swimming in thought. “It’s almost like he’s courting them? Sending them gifts, showing what a good father he could be. Each of the women were sent white carnations sometime in the days before they were killed, and after the killing, he lays the flowers around their head in a halo-like fashion. It is said that carnations represent motherhood, and the white shade could depict an angelic innocence that he’s projecting onto these women.”

“So he views these women as angelic figures, yet he kills them so brutally?” Prentiss scoffed. “It just doesn’t add up.”

“Maybe he views the killing itself as a type of purification.” Reid theorized. “It’s not uncommon for killers to emotionally fetishize dead bodies and consider them more ‘pure’ than their living counterparts.”

Prentiss visibly cringed at this.

“Wait.” JJ said, looking at one of the crime scene photos with a sharp line pulling her brows together.

Everyone looked to her, waiting for her to finish this thought.

“I don’t think that the mothers were the only ones sent gifts.”

She held up the photo, showing a picture of a colorful child’s play mat in the living room. Everyone stared at the photo in confusion, and JJ sighed and began to explain.

“Look at this toy truck in the middle.” She said, pointing at something that almost blended into the background of the photo. The true focus was a large handprint - one that belonged to the killer, but he had worn gloves. “It’s wooden, it’s hand-carved, it’s old fashioned. All the other toys are plastic, brightly coloured. Remember what the UnSub said in the second 9-1-1 call?”

“‘She pretends to have her son’s best interests at heart, but she was going to let him get cancer from sucking on those cheap plastic toys.’” Reid said, repeating it word-for-word, using his impeccable memory.

“Exactly.” JJ confirmed with a nod. “Clearly the UnSub believes that he would be a good father because he can gift his child something hand-made instead of something mass produced.”

“Alright, get the crime scene techs back over there to pick up the truck, maybe he wasn’t wearing gloves when he made it and there is some slim chance he left a print on it.” Hotch said, and JJ left to call the crime scene unit.

This left the team sitting in silence for a few more moments until Reid spoke up again.

“What about preschools?” He said, suddenly coming out of a wave of thought to announce this to the room.

“What?” Prentiss prompted, wondering what on earth he was talking about.

“Preschools.” Spencer confirmed, looking across the table at her.

“We checked already, none of the victims’ children went to the same preschool.” Morgan reminded him. “Two of the kids didn’t even go to preschool.”

“Yeah, but preschools typically have large waitlists.” Spencer argued.

Naturally, all eyes in the room fell on him, waiting for him to explain.

“In the first 9-1-1 call, the UnSub said that the victim ‘shipped her son off to be cared for by strangers half the time’.” He explained, once again perfectly reciting this from memory. “What if the UnSub resents preschools and the schooling system for taking these children away from their mothers, so he’s choosing his victims off of a preschool waitlist? What if that’s where his obsession stems from because that’s where his rage stems from?”

Reid jumped up, pointing to the map he had been using to make a geographical profile.

“All of the victims live within the same school district.” He added on. “So they would be applying to the same group of preschools.”

“I’ll call Garcia.” Morgan announced.

A few minutes later, Morgan connected Garcia’s call to the comm on the center of the conference table they were working from.

“Hey, pumpkin pies.” She greeted them sweetly, as usual. “So it turns out, the preschool that Tommy Laird, and Emily Ashton, the third and the fourth victim had in common, does have a waitlist. But none of the other victims’ names were on it.”

“Come on, babygirl. I know you’re holding out on me.” Morgan said, giving a small smirk.

“Oh, my Adonis, if I don’t have your trembling anticipation, I have nothing.” Garcia giggled. “The school’s waitlist, and their applications, are handled by a firm called Gordon & Stanheight. And it turns out, they handle the applications and waitlisting for five other preschools in the area.”

“Which gives the UnSub a perfect way to pick his victims.” Morgan sighed. “The first interaction that gets him hooked might not even be in person-”

“Unless he’s picking them out of the line-up on paper and then waiting to meet them in person?” Prentiss replied. “With this type of guy, the smallest smile, a nod in his direction - that could be consent in his mind to play father to a household that’s missing one.”

“You said they handle forms for five different schools? That just widened the victim pool.” Rossi groaned.

“And the suspect pool.” Garcia added on. “The firm has thirty male employees. And I did a bit more digging - the preschool applications have ten ‘optional’ questions on the bottom that are definitely not marked as such. Questions directed at the parent filling out the form, rather than vital information about the child. Things such as: ‘what’s your favorite food?’, ‘when is your birthday?’, ‘what’s your favorite color?’, ‘do you plan on having more children?’ - typical survey schlock,”

“That would explain why the UnSub served Lisa Laird a birthday cake.” Reid sighed. “He knew it was her birthday two days before he killed her.”

“I have a feeling I’m not gonna like where this is going.” Emily sighed.

“Oh, sugar. You probably won’t.” Penelope easily agreed. “The ‘optional’ part of the forms is sold off to other companies as survey data. And those forms are seen and handled by over a thousand male employees of Gordon & Stanheight’s larger ‘data processing’ sector.”

“Well the UnSub has to be local to Portland. So narrow down the suspect list based on his last known address and go from there.” Hotch said. “Also, it would be someone who has a criminal record. Someone committing this level of violence wouldn’t be a first time offender.”

“Gotcha.” Penelope said. “Penny G, out.”

…

The team ended up raiding Gordon & Stanheight’s Portland based office.

After some pointless conversation, some threats of lawsuits, and some even larger threats of being detained for impeding an FBI investigation, the team was able to get their hands on the preschool applications. Over two-dozen boxes worth, that they would have to sort through.

So this left JJ, Reid, Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, and Prentiss knee deep in paper, looking for anyone who fit the UnSub’s victimology - praying that they would be able to pick out the next victim and get to her before the UnSub did.

“We’re never gonna get through these fast enough, are we?” Prentiss sighed, continuing to sift through the papers.

“We just have to go as fast as we can, and hope the UnSub sticks to his schedule.” Morgan replied. “He has to spend time stalking them, learning their routine. Even if he has chosen his victim by now, he won’t break into the house until he’s fully confident that he won’t be disrupted.”

“And the stalking helps build up the fantasy.” Reid added on. “He romanticizes them from afar, sends them gifts. It adds to his delusions of grandeur and forbidden love. The idea that he’s swooping in to become the perfect father figure for these ‘broken’ families.”

“So we’re hanging all our hopes on the idea that this psychopath needs time to ‘fall in love’ with his next victim before he kills her?” Prentiss groaned.

“Sadly, yes.” Rossi confirmed.

“It helps that most of these applications are from two-parent households.” JJ pointed out. “We can throw out anything with a second applicant on the form, because he’s only targeting single mothers.”

The rest of the conversation easily became quiet in Spencer’s ears when he saw it.

It should have been just another page among the sea of paper in his hands, but when he saw those words on the page - that name - it was like a punch to the gut. It pushed all the air out of him in seconds, it made him dizzy, made him struggle to breathe. Like a reel flashing through his mind, it brought back a flood of memories he thought he had locked away forever.

It was you.

What the hell were you doing applying for preschools?

Spencer rushed to tear this paper away from the others in order to read it more carefully.

Surely enough, the application was filled out in your handwriting. Something that had barely changed over the years. And it was all right there, laid out in front of his eyes, clear as day -

You had a son.

A son named Sebastian, who was three years old. Spencer checked the date on the form, eagerly looking for a birth date for your son. His birthday had just recently passed, actually, so he was four years old now.

And his birth date was… fuck.

He had been born eight and a half months, almost nine months exactly after the two of you had broken up. Your son had been born eight and a half months after the day you had left and Spencer had never seen you again.

One thousand, seven hundred and two days.

Four years, eight months, and two days.

It wasn’t difficult math.

Your son was the perfect age to be Spencer’s child. Was this Spencer’s child?

His hands began to shake at the very thought of it.

Is that why you had disappeared from his life with such haste? Because you knew that you were pregnant and you didn’t want Spencer to be a part of your child’s life?

Had you been keeping this from him intentionally?

He hadn’t thought about you in four long years, he had tried so hard not to. He had spent so long forcing himself not to miss you, and now he was struck with the realization that he might have a child out there with the woman he considered to be his regrettable lost love. A child he didn’t know - a child who he had missed four whole years with.

What the fuck was going on?

There were no pictures included with the application, and suddenly, Spencer found himself dying to see the boy. He wanted to know if there was any physical resemblance to himself, or if he was jumping to conclusions.

Maybe you had cheated on him. Maybe that was why you had left town and never contacted him again. Maybe the kid wasn’t his at all, maybe-

“Reid.” JJ called out gently, getting his attention.

Spencer suddenly realized that he was hyperventilating, staring down at the application with your name on it in his hand, wrinkling the paper as he squeezed it more frantically.

“Did you find something?”

…

All in all, the team found four different women who fit the victim pattern in the files - you being one of them.

So the team split up, ready to knock on each of the womens’ doors, preparing to warn them that if they received any gifts or saw any suspicious men lingering around them in the next few days, they should call. They had to hope that the UnSub wouldn’t move on from this victim pool if he saw the FBI around. But he was overly confident, he had contacted police before.

It could definitely work.

When Hotch found out that Spencer had known you, he said that Spencer should be the one to knock on your door. That you might find it comforting to hear that you and your child could possibly be in danger if it were coming from ‘an old friend’. Spencer stuttered over himself and didn’t have the words to explain that you weren’t just a good friend to him, but a romantic flame. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of the team by telling everyone that the break-up had been messy, and sudden, and Spencer still wasn’t even completely sure what had caused it. He didn’t want to rip open his old wounds in front of everyone.

So he simply shut his mouth and got in the car with JJ, and they made their way toward your house.

…

“So…” JJ’s voice broke through the undulating silence of the car ride - filled by nothing but the sound of the car’s motor running and gears grinding inside Spencer’s mind as he tried to figure all of this out. “I do have to ask the obvious question,”

“What is that?” Spencer probed, slightly glad to be relieved of his own thoughts.

He wasn’t so glad when JJ pried those thoughts out of his mind and spilled them to the open air.

“Is the kid yours?” She wondered aloud. “I mean - when did you and Y/N break up?”

JJ had known you as Spencer’s girlfriend.

Come to think of it, she was probably the only person on the current field team who had some kind of a relationship with you back when you and Spencer dated.

Initially, it had been by accident. JJ had driven him home one night after a particularly long and sleepless case, and you had been coming to his apartment to drop off some books he had asked for (shortly after he had given you a key). When JJ saw you, her natural curiosity got the better of her - even more so when you stuck out your hand and introduced yourself as ‘Spencer’s girlfriend’ without hesitation.

The two of you got to talking, and JJ invited you to ‘girls night’. You met Elle and Penelope shortly after. You had become pretty good friends with the three of them before the break-up.

But Spencer had always felt secretive…. well, protective of you. He didn’t want Morgan teasing him about you, or him wanting to have ‘guy talk’ about things that occurred in the bedroom. Not when it might mean talking about intimate moments with you. Spencer had only introduced you to Gideon over coffee about three weeks before the break-up, and that felt like a lifetime ago.

Back then, having you, Elle, and Gideon leave his life all in a matter of a few months felt like hell on earth. It felt like being grabbed by his ankles and shaken for all he was worth. He really wasn’t sure that he was ready to see you again.

It had been four years.

JJ was someone he could lean on right now.

“Four years ago.” He told her, completely honest.

“And how old is the kid?” JJ asked.

“Four - four years old.” Spencer stuttered out, realizing that now as he was speaking about this very real possibility, he might be breathing more life into it.

“Oh my god.” JJ sighed. “Well… could it-? I mean…? Did the two of you?”

It took Spencer a moment to clue into what JJ was talking about. He gave her a sideways glance and she took her eyes off the road for a moment, raising her brows and giving him a pointed look.

“Please tell me you know what does and what doesn’t make a baby,” JJ groaned.

“Oh!” Spencer huffed, a small wave of embarrassment flooding him. “Yes! God, yes. I know.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, and then Spencer felt the need to clarify his answer.

“We - I mean. We…” He trailed off for a moment, clearing his throat. “We didn’t always use… protection. We were together for three years, at the time, it was on the table.”

“Kids were on the table for you back then?” JJ asked, clearly shocked by this. “I could not imagine little twenty-four year old Spence with a baby.”

“Well… it’s something I’ve always wanted.” He mumbled quietly in reply.

It was true. At the time, Spencer easily imagined himself getting married to you, having multiple kids with you. These days, seeing JJ with Henry and Will brought him the occasional underlying pang of jealousy - but since breaking up with you, there hadn’t been anyone else in Spencer’s life that he could have imagined having kids with. He thought that he was going to be alone and childless for the rest of his life. That the dream was long dead for him.

“Hey - then, maybe this is a blessing in disguise?” JJ posed. “If we hadn’t been looking through those forms because of this UnSub, you never would have found Y/N again. You wouldn’t even know this baby exists.”

There was another thing that JJ was dying to ask - something she held back because she felt like it was a touch too personal. (Even if ‘too personal’ was basically how the BAU team lived - knee deep in each other’s business, all the time).

She wanted to know why you had a baby, a baby that Spencer had very likely fathered, and you hadn’t contacted him about it. Spencer seemed entirely clueless about the child’s existence before now, and JJ knew that because of what his own father had been like, he wouldn’t just blow off a kid that was his if he knew that one was out there in the world.

So why hadn’t you told Spencer about the baby?

“What if the kid isn’t yours?” JJ wondered aloud.

Maybe that would unburden him. She knew that either way, Spencer would fight to protect you from the UnSub. But if the kid wasn’t his - he would walk away again, and he wouldn’t have to be hung up on the heartbreak of dealing with his ex just to parent a child together.

“Honestly… I think I’ll be more heartbroken if I find out that he’s not even mine.” Spencer told her, his voice quiet and already lulling with that disappointment.

That was not something JJ had considered. She frowned as she saw the sadness paint across Spencer’s face.

“One thing at a time, alright?”

…

When they pulled into your driveway, Spencer’s mind immediately began churning.

It was a nice house. It was a beautiful, quiet neighborhood. The front yard was clean and trimmed and there was a silver SUV in the driveway with a ‘baby on board’ sticker in the rear window. There was a rocking chair on the porch, but he didn’t see many children’s toys out front on the lawn. He guessed that was a good thing. Letting children play in the front where they could run into the street and potentially get hit by a car was too dangerous. He was glad to already see signs that you were a good mother.

Spencer felt like he was opening up a book halfway, desperately wanting to be filled in on the previous chapters while having missed so much. Still wanting to read ahead and see more.

He had already missed so much of your son’s life. He had missed you. That was something forming the biggest knot in his gut. He had truly missed you. The times he had allowed himself to think of you over these past few years - he had missed you so dearly.

And now the two of you likely had a child together.

Craning his neck to get a better look, desperately trying to take in more information, Spencer’s eyes were wide and hungry as JJ put the car in park by the curb in front of your house. As Spencer reached for the passenger side door handle, JJ’s phone rang.

“I have to take this.” She sighed. “You go ahead.”

She gave Spencer a distinct look that said ‘I know you need a minute alone with Y/N’, and he nodded, stepping out of the vehicle while she greeted whoever was on the other line. He smoothed down his tie - for once in his whole life, he was actually worried about how he looked. Only because he knew that he was going to see you. Perhaps he had only ever felt like this before going on his first date with you.

He had such a strange lashing of emotions going through him as he approached the door. Fear, anxiety, anticipation. Longing.

He truly had tried so hard to lock away his feelings for you when you had left. He had tried to move on. He had considered, briefly, in passing, dating other women. There had been times when someone else caught his eye, and he considered asking her out on a date. Morgan had offered to ‘set him up’. Penelope had offered too, telling him that he deserved to ‘get back out there’.

Whenever she asked about you, his heart freshly cracked open.

At one point, she had advised him to write a long, Shakespearian letter, pouring out his heart to you in an effort to get you back - one which she would mail. (Because of course, she could get your new address in a heartbeat.) But he didn’t want to experience the heartbreak all over again if you ignored him. He didn’t want to sit, waiting by the mailbox every single day like a lost dog, waiting for you to write him back in return.

You had disappeared from his life for a reason. Just like everyone else had. For a long time, Spencer convinced himself that he was simply meant to end up alone.

Perhaps if he had known about your son - a child that could very well be his - then he might have felt differently about getting Penelope to contact you.

But now he was standing at your front door, his fist shaking as he raised his hand to knock.

He let out a sharp breath and steadied himself, giving three swift, firm knocks against the door and then trying to wait patiently. His heart thumped inside of his throat, and it felt like forever.

“Sorry!” Your voice called out from behind the door, muffled. “Sorry, I almost didn’t hear you. I was-”

You cut off your own words as you opened the door - the moment you caught Spencer’s eye and recognized it was him, pure shock fell across your features, and you froze on the spot.

You were just as stunning as ever. You had barely aged at all - your hair was different than the last time he had seen you, of course. And you were dressed casually - wearing a simple hooded sweatshirt with a drawstring and a pair of jeans with some fuzzy slipper boots on. But pale blue looked so good on you.

So much like the pale blue dress you had worn on your first date with him.

You were breath-taking.

“Y/N.” He greeted you, his throat dry already.

You didn’t say anything, simply continuing to stare him down with wide-eyed shock.

Seeing you again, Spencer couldn’t help but to think back to that first date.

The first night that he knew he was in love with you.

…

He had taken you to see the Virginia Symphony Orchestra.

It was Spencer’s idea of a good time - and it ended up being one of the most beautiful, most romantic, most unique first dates that you had ever been on.

It was difficult not to fall for him with the beautiful music in the air and his glossy eyes, so sickeningly thick with affection, staring you down all night.

Afterwards, the two of you stopped to get ice cream at a small shop that was a short walk down from the orchestra. And now you were both enjoying your ice cream as you walked along in the cool night air - enjoying the peace and quiet and the gentle breeze in the darkness.

It was a perfect night.

Spencer could think of no better way to spend it than with you. The yellow bulbs of the street lights practically cast a glow onto your skin, the mulberry lipstick now worn off your lips as you brought the pink spoon to your mouth and licked up your sweet treat.

His stomach was churning with nerves. Joyous nerves.

And as per usual, when he was nervous - he rambled.

“You know, Bach actually married his cousin.” He said, spouting off the first thing that came to mind.

You told him that Bach was one of your favorite composers - it’s why he had thought to bring you to the orchestra on a date in the first place.

“I did not know that.” You giggled. “So what? Was it like a ‘third cousin twice removed’ type situation?”

Spencer found himself grinning at the fact that you actually engaged him in the conversation, rather than staring at him with an odd look for bringing up such a strange topic.

“Not quite.” He replied. “They had the same surname before marriage.”

“Oh, ew.” You chuckled again, giving a shudder at the thought of this.

Spencer knew it was an odd topic to discuss on a date, and if he rambled on too much, it might freak you out - but he couldn’t stop himself. His mouth ran away with him, and he continued.

“He married Maria Barbara Bach, and they had seven children together.” He told you. “His sons, Wilhelm Friedemann and Carl Philipp Emanuel became composers and musicians much like their father, which was actually carrying on a legacy started by Bach’s father himself - who was a seventh generation musician. He was the one who taught Bach the organ from a very young age.”

“Why don’t people play the organ anymore?” You wondered aloud. “Except in churches, I guess. The organ rocks.”

Spencer’s brain began rocketing off at the fact that you had asked him a question. A question he could answer.

“The organ has actually long been associated with divinity.” He replied. “The instrument rose in popularity alongside Catholicism throughout the eighteenth century, and in a sense, that was part of what made Bach a sort of ‘rockstar’ of his time. The religious references in his work, and his mastery of the organ - all of it made him incredibly popular at the time because it caused him to be favored by the church and by royal figures associated with the church.”

Spencer gleamed a large smile, heavily enjoying that he could share these facts with you. He thought for certain that any moment, you would change the subject or imply that he should stop talking. But instead, you engaged the conversation more.

“Religious references?” You questioned, wondering what he meant by this.

“Yes!” Spencer grinned, suddenly very excited by the explanation behind this. “Even in his secular music, Bach would often incorporate the acronym ‘INJ’, a Latin abbreviation that means ‘In Nomine Jesu’, or ‘in the name of Jesus’. It was something he put on all of his manuscripts.”

You grinned back. You found it fascinating that being around Spencer for such short periods of time caused you to learn so many things. It easily made you want to be around him more.

“Interesting.” You replied.

“And his talent on the organ was seen as something that made him ‘divine’ at the time. Divine enough to be worthy of performing for royalty.” Spencer added on. “In 1708, Bach got a position as the court organist in Weimer for Duke Wilhelm. And later when he requested early release from this position, desiring to go work for Prince Leopold of Koethen, the Duke actually had him arrested and put in jail for several weeks in 1716.”

Spencer laughed at this mental image - the composer being put in jail.

“Ooh, harsh.” You sighed. “But I guess Dukes have too much power.”

Spencer let out another bright laugh at this.

“And see, the interesting thing is, Bach later became the conductor of the court orchestra, in which Prince Leopold played.”

“So he got his wish,” You replied with a smile.

“And see-”

Spencer set off on another rant again, and you couldn’t help yourself. You put your spoon into the cup of ice cream and then you used your now free hand to reach out and grab Spencer by his tie - you pulled him toward you before he could get anymore words out, and he let out a shocked, choked-off sound when you pressed your mouth into his.

He sighed gently against your lips, and unconsciously dropped his own melting chocolate cone on the ground by his feet as his limp hands drifted toward your waist. He was dizzy, and now every single fact he had ever known about any composer had vanished from his head. In that moment, standing under a random street lamp on a random sidewalk somewhere - all he knew was the soft, pillowy feeling of your lips and the cool night breeze against his skin.

It was perfect. You were perfect.

You found his intelligence and the enthusiasm with which he spoke to be so utterly irresistible. You had been on so many dates with men before where they had acted like talking about their interests was a chore. Where they had made it seem like the whole thing was simply a routine, waiting for the end of the night so they could get into your pants. And for them, that’s what it probably was.

But Spencer was nothing like that.

He spoke about everything with such intense passion - and you couldn’t resist the urge to try and suck that very passion off his lips.

When you were forced to pull back slightly, your lungs crying out for oxygen, Spencer let out a gentle moan and began puffing out sweet little pants across your chin as he tried to catch his breath. You kept a hold of his tie, wanting to keep him close, and he stayed there, gently pressing his forehead against yours.

“That was… wow.” He sighed.

“I didn’t think I would ever find you at a loss for words, Doctor Reid.” You replied with a giggle.

“Well, I - you - wow.”

It was all he could muster, causing you both to break down into laughter.

Back then - everything had been perfect.

He had no clue where it all went so wrong.

...

Continue reading: Chapter Two - Liar

#sundrop writes #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #dad!spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds x you #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic

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ezratheanon · 1 month

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Hey guys today im gonna be talking about my essay on that one fic direct doggo posted

y'know, the one. uhh what was it called again? ah yes DSAF tales "Nothing" anyways something thats been nagging me is how people frame thats the worse daves been throug, that henrys abuse weapon (?) is a wrench, well im here to tell you, are wrong. from the wonderfull wording in the fic (thanks dd)

["Well, obviously, I can see you, windin' up some kind of device, ready to put it into your unfinished bot, right?" Dave responded, now hesitant of whether or not he was bumbling his way into one of Henry's (quite typical) cruel lessons.]

here we can tell that this isnt the first time Daves been through this,, hes hesitent, wondering if hes stumbling in one of henrys cruel lessons again. (notice plural in lesson? another bit of evidence)

[William had no time to brace himself before he received an unyielding impact, courtesy of the wrench still in Dr Miller's left hand. William yelped like a confused animal, held his jaw tightly, and paced a few steps backwards, careful not to expose his back to Henry.]

this section of the fic. oh boy theres so much to unpack here. first of, notice the wording? "courtesy of the wrench still in Dr millers hand" henry didnt specifically pick up a something and hit william with it. he just hit him with whatever he had on hand. this has his ups and down, for example if he was holding a newspaper the blow couldve been softer, on the other hand, if he was holding a more potentially dangerous weapon, like a wrench, then daves in a bit more trouble.

another thing, "careful not to expose his back to Henry" this part, he knows exactly what to do to try to not make it worse, this type of carefulness dosent come from a one time thing. it also implies that, well, lets just say that some of the scars on his body (specifically his back) werent made by springlocks

[Henry slowly turned back to his work, and continued cranking the coil of the mechanism that was again holding his sole interest, now that William was disciplined. Henry didn't bother to turn back to check if William had fled the room, he knew that his assistant wouldn't.]

here, this part "Henry didn't bother to turn back to check if William had fled the room, he knew that his assistant wouldn't" If this was henrys first time doing something similar to this, he wouldve wanted to see how william wouldve reacted, but since it isnt henrys first time, he didnt turn around, he knew how william would react to this type of treatment.

In this fic, you can also see how deep henry had dave in manipulation. just by looking at the vocabulary directdoggo used when henry was adressing william "Henry cooed" "Henry affectionately placed his hand on William's now bloodied chin."

in this fic, we can also see the method of manipulation he used to GET william this deep in.

["Henry affectionately placed his hand on William's now bloodied chin.

Now that you see it too, don't you want to protect others from it?" Henry asked him, "Don't you want to stay here, in the light, knowing that I won't let you ever become nothing?" William forced a shaky smile, and frantically nodded, tears in his eyes. Henry's face contorted into a smile, no less sinister, but noticeably wider, but with closed lips]

its like beating up a dog, but then giving them some treats, knowing what you did is wrong, but needing to keep them loyal by giving reward at the end of abuse.

["How does it look, William?" Henry asked, turning to face his partner, who turned back, fixating himself on the costume to stop his very being from straying towards inconsolability.]

here we can see that william knew that henry would give no more consolation, implying he has tried before, in the past and was just met with worse

anyways theres so much more i want to talk about this fic but it dosent relate to henry and daves dynamic or i forgor so dont forget to like and subcribe and hit that bell!!!!! (Sorry)

#dsaf #not fnaf #dr henry miller #henry dsaf #henry miller #dsaf henry #dsaf dave #dsaf dave miller #dave miller

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sfa2fin · 11 months

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what’s going on chrisken nation, it’s me fin, back at it again with another Chrisken doodle, don’t forget to like and subcribe!!!

Spreading the uhhhhhhh chrisken, chicken agenda or something

They’re on my mind a lot anyway

Also much thanks to the people on the last post confirming chris’s age!! It’s really shocking that he’s 17. Kennith is older than him lmaooo

#kennith simmons #christopher pierre #the distortionist #colorbars

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bpdohwhatajoy · 26 days

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literally the post about hoping to die in my sleep is so relatable. im so over being a person never mind relationships and its not fair that things like planets, stars in the sky or moons or cactuses get to exist for free, id pick any of thise things over being a person, it just sucks these days. everythings about giving someone else clicks, likes comments and subcribes theres very little ways of actually physically making connections without the use of our modern devices. people my age either havr their social group or whomever it is that they hang out with online or offline or theyre online and dont go out so i dont bother forming any sort of long lasting friendships anymore. it makes going outside so pointless and i hope i do pass away early on in life bc honestly society doesnt care if ur dead or alive anyway

speak your truth🗣️

#anons

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klapollo · 1 year

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many many years ago i drew a picture of @commanderfreddy while watching his youtube channel and he ended up using it as an icon for all those many years and i finally was like ok wait. it's been a long time i should redra this. and so I DID. its literally been so long i dont even have the original drawing anymore but. i think i captured his Transcendent Beauty better this go around

anyway what are you sitting their dawdling for SUBCRIBE AND HIT THE BELL

#art tag

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tiosasexualfren · 8 months

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fuck your pride: a cal fanfic

tuesday, june 1st

Flaw Peacock Pub, 12am:

calvin was soaked. with water in his shoes and his head in his hands, he didnt know what to do.

“him?” he thought,

“trans? transGENDER? theres no way.”

he couldnt believe it. the love of his life, now dead to him. everyone just hates him, thats it. they must hate him.

cal sits on the curb, sopping wet and ginger. his favorite pub he often frequented had kicked him out for trying to start a fight with the local gay guy by the pool tables. queer duck, they call him. he was aris friend, they go way back. like waaayyy back. so back, in fact, they dated once.

cal had looked at him once and they locked eyes. when they did, cal swore he saw some tint of red in queer ducks pupils. maybe it was the light reflecting against his brown orbs, but it looked the same shade of red featured in the pride flag. he couldnt stand it. he was 3 drinks in and he just couldnt. one punch to queer ducks face was all he needed, just to get mollywapped into next year. or just into the pub parking lot i guess.

artist interpretation

everyone just shits on him. everything he does. hes a failure. a pure british ginger failure. surely tommorow will be better, right? he takes out his phone, a cracked motorola with wires coming out the back. he notices the time is exactly 12:05am, with the date stating “tuesday, june 1st”

“wait..” he thinks. and thinks some more.

“isnt that…”

“priDE MONth?”

his head is spinning. he cant. he wont. HE WILL NO LONGER TAKE THIS TREATMENT. not from god, not from anyone, not even from the devil himself. they all wronged him. fucked him over with every chance they could. for he is their enemy. he watches people pass, staring at him. through him. theyre all gay. and they know. they know cal hates them. hes begun to fret. who else knows? will they all find out ive assaulted a gay man tonight? why do they hate me? what did i do? they’re everywhere. who made them all so gay? why? why? why?

and then it clicks.

cal knows exactly what to do.

author note >.>

thanks for reading! SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON FOR PART TWO!!!! what will happen to cal? will he eradicate all the gays? like this post to find out! xD! thanks for all the love and support ESPECIALLY FROM YOU @/onetwotiomyshoe !!!! ❤️❤️❤️

and once again, ugh… *pinches bridge of nose* can’t believe i even have to say this but… hate on this post, and im looking at you, quadrant. will NOT be condoned. this will cause you to be BANNED from my page.

now we dont want that now do we?

ACK!!!… sorry. i got a little mad heh. a-anyway… thanks for one subcriber!!!! im close to 100 now ;)! 100 sub special coming soon

#fanfic #tiofandom #tumprobs #homophobia

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alexibeeart · 1 year

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#RSS #feed #Neocities #internet bee #link #update #automated #queued

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cantfightfatetoo · 3 years

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It's time to watch the only woman that matters on youtube.... Bailey Sarian.

#bailey sarian #yes i simp for her #jess text.post #she's funny #i love her makeup and she's respectfull of the true crime victims #nobodys doing it like bailey #i mean the girl has jumped from 1 mill to almost 4 mil subcribers in like 2 months #anyways go watch her

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strawberryybird · 3 years

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im very aware the version of leonie fired emblem who lives in my head and word document rent free is, at any angle, rather a leonie-shaped OC but unfortunately i love her too much and im just going to have to be a lesbian about it. she will remain this way. (as in, i don’t think a canon iteration of leonie would narrate herself in the way that the style i write my fic necessitates, but. here i am). but im also now at the point of watching leonie supports on yt and going ‘nah, she wouldn’t say that’, when blatantly she can and she did. there is an orange-tinged character occupying my word doc and i love her very much but i fear she isn’t leonie ..

#birb says what //#look if the supernatural writers can use homosexuality as a pharmakon in their characters then so can bloody i.#my degree has necessitated i read a macbeth transformative work (i'll die on that catagory hill) and it touches a lot on displacement #and because my head is full of weasels and pop culture and ive been obsessed with fe post war trans. works for the last. year.#my head has been going places without telling me prior #anyway so i see any postwar leonie-ignatz ship to be based on the way their utility to the world flips and neither know how to deal w/ it #ignatz for all the angsting about it has a valued skill that would be in demand (because i very much subcribe to my headcanon of #ignatz having painted the monthly murals in game. i'll die on that hill)#but leonie's massively honed and valued skill of warfare becomes suddenly obsolete once warfare is over #but that's also based in my dislike for her becoming a merc. which is a me problem really but im taking it out on the narrative #hm. i don't know where i was going with that. either way big fan of leonie and ignatz existing. they're doing amazing jobs sweeties #(i also have thots on a postwar VW initial society but like #i cant articulate that at 2am. bad plan me)#oh this sure is a post #update: the orange tinged character was fucking dirk strider #I hate that

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blu-screen · 4 years

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⋆ that lil tippy tap dogs do when they’re excited..

⋆ good damn stuff

#⋆ .txt #⋆ youtuber voice; like comment and subcribe if you agree-#⋆ or ya know #⋆ don't #⋆ it'll still be amazin' anyway #⋆ heh heh

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mofledowe · 2 years

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hello gay ppl (again). make sure not to let children under the age of one million drink battery acid (ages 3+). anyways thinking about @crying-milkshake s plan b berdly au.... yeah. anyways be sure to like and subcribe love yall

also, if you click on the second picture, you can probably see a faint oval around the queen..... please ignore that.)

#berdly #kris #Deltarune Plan B-Berdly au #kerdly #krerdly #Krispy Chicken #berdkris #deltarune #deltarune queen #mofledowes art

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kaeyasstarlight · 3 years

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Passionate Kisses(Shoto Todoroki x Gender Neutral!Reader)

A.N: Ok so as a big Shoto simp(expect a lot more Shoto Todoroki content on this blog ;)) I guess you were kinda expecting I was gonna write a make out scenario of him one day haha It can also count as a 30(almost 35) subcribers special!! Thank you so much!! :D

This is my first attempt of something like this so if it's bad I'm sorry TwT

Also I'm gonna try to do it Gender Neutral!, but if I did something bad feel free to tell me!

Anyways let's get into it! :D

Genre:Fluff/Spice ;)

Warnings: Touching(nothing explicit) and making out ;)

If you're not comfortable with this kind of stuff please skip this scenario! I wanna make sure everyone feels safe on this blog even if it's not NSFW content :) Thank you!!

"It's so nice we have no more exams.", you said after letting a relived sight.

"Yeah it's nice. We will get the opportunity to spend some time together this weekend".

He then took you hand and brought it to his lips. He's not really one for PDA, but he didn't mind small gestures like this. Plus no one was near so he didn't mind even if a small amount of person saw him if they came.

"You want to hang out in my dorm tonight?",he asked you.

"Yeah! Of course!"

You then continued your way to the dorms hand in hand.

You then went in his dorm and you both sat on his bed. He made you a sign to go near him and so you two could cuddle. In private, he is very sweet and touch starved due to the fact he didn't really got much affection in his chilhood, so he's very touchy of you. He finds your skin very soft and he loves to touch your hands. Anyways, you both started to cuddle and just enjoy each others presence. You decided that you would watch a movie. You both chose a romantic movie on your laptop to have a sweet and pleasant evening. After the movie ended at more or less 6 PM, you both decided that you would make yourself dinner. When you came in the kitchen everyone was gattering their stuff of their dinner to go back to their rooms.

"Where are you guys going? Don't we eat together?", you ask to the class with concern.

"Actually, we decided to eat more early so that you could both have the dinning room to yourself. We think it would be good for both of you to have a moment for yourselves in couple after all the stress and work we have done in the past few days.", Yaoyorozu said sweetly.

"We left you dinner and a desert I made in the fridge",said Sato.

"Bakugo made dinner. It's very good!",Kirishima said.

"Tch. You're lucky there was enough for you.",said Bakugo, when you knew damn well that he always makes food for everyone when he cooks.

Then out of no where, the lights were down and there was some candles that were installed. The dinning room was now in a romantic ambiance.

"Ok! Have fun~!',said Mina excitedly

"I guess we have a romantic dinner tonight huh?",said Todoroki a bit shocked about what just happened.

"Yeah, but with leftovers.", you said laughing a bit.

He then cracked a little laugh too.

"I guess you're right haha".

You both took your part of the leftovers and then sat at the table. You ate in each others presence enjoying your meal. You were talking about some stuff and he loved listening to you. He then got up to go get the rest of desert in the fridge. When he looked back at you, he felt something in him. He didn't know if it was the ambiance, or the look on your face, but he felt like a needed to kiss you now. He waited until you're done eating and then he approched you to lift your chin. You looked at him and he pressed his soft lips on yours. You were a bit shocked at his actions, but you then went in the kiss. When he was done, he was happy but he felt like he needed more. He didn't think that the dinning room was the best place for this, so he would have to wait. He couldn't help thinking about it, you haven't really seen each other this week and you were just so beautiful/handsome and perfect in his eyes. Even if you were together for a few months, he couldn't believe that you were with him. He wants to give you love as much as you give him.

When you were both done eating, you both took your dishes to the dishwasher and started it. He then asked you if you wanted to go back to his dorm, which you accepted. You liked the ambiance and cozyness of his traditional Japanese styled room. You went to go lounge on the bed while he closes the door. He approched you and went on top of you. You got a bit flustered at his actions, because he was rarely like this.

"Can I kiss you?",he asked you.

"You don't have to ask me at this point of our relationship", you said laughing a bit.

"No... I mean like passionately...", you could see the look of desire in his eyes.

"I mean, yeah it's okay for me", you smiled shyly at him.

Just after you said that, he pressed his lips against yours. He started off soft and slow, but after a bit he went more passionatly and a bit more roughly. You were first surprised by this type of kiss from him, but the more he continued, the more you were in it. He hummed at your kisses and then he stopped to give the both of you a chance to catch back some air. You thought he was gonna come back after getting some air, but you say that he had something to say. You waited until he was ready to tell you what was in his mind before getting back to your passionate moment.

"Um..."

"It's okay Sho, you can take all your time", you gave him a smile that reassured him.

"...Would it be okay if I touched you...? If you don't want to I totally understand, I wouldn't dream of disrespecting your boundries..."

"I don't mind Sho."

He gave you a small smile at your response and got back to your lips. He continued to kiss you, but he then putted his hands on your hips. While he was kissing you, he started to slide his hands on your shirt upper to your body and just continue to go up and down like this while doing small circles with his fingers. You were both enjoying this moment and the love between the two of you could be feeled in the room. He then approched to you and started to give you kisses on your neck, you could also feel his breath against your skin. He was playing between the hot and the cold temperature to tease you and you could see the small smirk on his face. He went back to kissing you and contined to play with the temperature of his lips while kissing your neck,cheeks and lips. This moment lasted for a while, before both of you were out of breath and needed to take some air. He got off the top of you to go back to your side and you both went back to cuddling, while he was sliding up and down his fingers in a comforting way.

"I love you so much My Love, never forget it", he kissed the top of your head while you were starting to fall asleep.

"*Yawns* I love you too Sho.", he smiled and falled asleep with you.

A.N:I hope that this was good for my first attempt with spice TwT

I liked writing this and I hope you liked reading it! :) Have a nice day or night and remember that you are loved and take care of yourselves! <3

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a-wild-person · 3 years

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I'm running out of fanfics to read and I am going to rant about it for way too long and probably recommending fics as I talk. (links on words)

That's it.

I've read so much fluff scrolling through the Tubbo & Ranboo tag AND the Tubbo / Ranboo tag (bless my soul as this tag is also home for smut, but really good fanfics hidden in the middle so yeah), like, so much of it.

And I grew bored of it. Yep. After 3 months, I'm starting to get bored. I can't handle Major Character Death and big big Angst, because at the very moment a character dies, it's all about grief and everything. I'm not solid enough for that. Like when Tubbo or Ranboo dies and the whole fanfic is after that? I read one where everything was going alright and awesome fanfic and then TUBBO DIED, I didn't notice the warning in the tags and I dropped the fic.

I read a fanfic yesterday about them coming back to the past and must I say it is very enjoyable. The thing with fluffy stories is you never get to see Tubbo act like his character, an ex-president, a soldier, someone quite powerful if I may say so. And this fic just does that. They give Tubbo charisma that I barely ever see anywhere else and now that I got it, I miss it. Or maybe I didn't really search it up enough but. Anyway. I have only praises for this fic, it's just, great, and I'll be waiting for it to update.

I didn't get into the Zombie Apocalsype AUs yet, maybe I should, but I'm really scared my favorite character end up dying because that would be ah. No. I'm dropping every fanfic where Ranboo dies.

The Vigilant AUs are very cool too, a bunch of them are too simple and the writing lacks some poetry to it and the story some passing for me to actually follow through it. I'd say most fanfics are too simple for my taste, the writing too blunt and too quick. "He does that. Then says that. Then does that." It doesn't have flavor, you know? I've read dozens of the same fanfic, I pretty much know what's going to happen.

That's why original ideas are something that I really enjoy. A piece of new, something fresh, a new concept.

The series where Ranboo is a ghost may be the one I am really intrigued into. I didn't think it would be that much Angst, but the fact that we're following Ranboo's ghost point of view help me stomach the fact that he's dead. It's just so, so, so intriguing. I really wish to see the rest of the story. I need to know what happened to Ranboo. I read it twice and it messed me up a little for a whole day.

Vigilant AU's as I say, are very similar to each other and quite enjoyable. I read too many to recommend any in particular, but I love when there is a twist and the passing is quite slow. In this particular AU the BenchTrio oftentimes gets adopted/outed way too quickly to my liking or are way too Tommy-centric to my liking. Dirty Crime Boys is a really good exemple, and that was the first one I read back in early July and one of the few I actually remember and do not confuse with others. Didn't feel too rushed. In a similar vein, this fic is a goldmine. It is painfully slow, the passing is incredibly slow and it is awesome. Everything is described to T but isn't useless either. You feel connected to the character and everything is clear and I need more.

And they are Human Experimentations. I have a thing for this trope, I don't know why, like I have a thing for the SCP AUs. I don't know, I've talked about it before, but Ranboo being an experimentation out of a lab? Hell yeah I'm reading. This one is one of my favorite. Ranboo is clueless, he's kinda there and confused as hell. He's able to teleport and it's a very rare thing, maybe unique and has been kidnapped and now is bonding with Tommy and Tubbo in incredible circumstances. he was in Tubbo's locker because he teleported there to hide. Best thing ever.

That leads me to my newt favorite trope, the Ranboo Monster/Criptid/SCP trope. He's tall, he's powerful, probably drops on all four to run, way too powerful, and clueless because he's been either A. not human and hasn't really interacted with them or B. has grown in fucked up situations. Like, a fighting ring. I think this is my favorite, from like, all of the fanfictions. With EnderSmile, as a treat.

Unfortunately, I cannot go fetch the ones I am not subcribed to, like one-shots, or completed fanfics, but do know that there exist a long one-shot around 14 000 words where Ranboo is an escaped SCP that just hung out by Tuboo and it's awesome.

As we are with the Endersmile subject (Dream and Ranboo if you don't know) Path of a Golden Green, which just is newly completed and I followed the story almost from the start, it's incredible. Dream hung up his mask after escaping prison and Ranboo stumbles on him not knowing it's Dream and they bond. Recommend 100%. Beautiful writing.

There's a couple fanfics that sound incredible but that I deem not enough developped for me to actually recommend, like the Beeduo being two married villains doing crime but it only has like one actual chapter about them so. But the promise is really big.

Oh! (I say, scrolling through my subcriptions looking for which ones I actually really love). This is great. Centered around enderwalking Ranboo that is quite like a clueless kitten with a really well-done development around his pearl, and very beautiful writing and descriptions of how his pearl buzz. A pearl of a fanfic, if I may say so. Plus, Beeduo. I love Beeduo. I read way too many fluffy one-shots about them to actually remember any in particular. Way too many.

I read some Ranboo adoption arc by Philza and Technoblade and this one is my favorite, because it's slow and it is really well written and described and it really feels like Ranboo is an ex-slave. It's also fluffy, and I think you're starting to understand as you read through this terrible post that I like fluff.

A little.

Maybe?

I also read a couple Techno & Dream fanfics, but I don't really remember any in particular.

So I'm starting to think I should start reading actual Angst, because I'd really like to see charismatic characters doing cool things now. Like murder. I need to find a fanfic where Techno goes on a rampage. Just for the sake of it.

There was this one-shot where Ranboo was enderwalking (somewhere in the enderwalking ranboo tag before June, maybe May or April) and crept on Tubbo around all the mansion and ended up killing Micheal then him, and that was a blast. Terrifying, but absolutely awesome.

I think I love reading a tad too much. Man, I really wish every fanfic was as well-written as the ones I'm recommending. Too many have a cruel lack a passing, everything goes too fast, it lacks emotions, it lacks poetry. I'm never going to blame writers for writing because it's super cool, experienced or not, but man. Good writing is a real treat when you come across one.

Alright. Angst it is now, I guess. I will try. No fluff. Charismatic characters, please.

#ranboo fanfic #dream smp fanfiction #fanfic rec #anyway #random rant #this is a way too long post

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technobladetimestamps · 3 years

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A Small Rant

Consistency on this blog, burnout, and boredom

First of all, as a reminder I've tagged this blog so you can search for just timestamps (#technoblade timestamps), just these personal posts (#nottimestamps) or any individual stream by it's title.

As you any have noticed, I've been really struggling to keep my three times a week schedule. At first that was because some of the streams were three plus hours long (although I had managed to get that 5 hours stream out on time somehow) and partially because school has kept me really busy. However, the current problem is that I'm a bit burnt out. Where before I'd watch the occasional among us video to take a break, lie down, and get out of my desk chair (where I did all my homework and these timestamps) I have now been wasting a ton of time avoiding this and my homework. It's just more of a grind these days. And while that doesnt mean I'm suddenly incapable of doing these, it does mean that I'm made more tired by doing these. I've been lower energy in general so maybe it has nothing to do with this anyways. Who knows. I have been burnt out a bit in general. I worked that one week ahead and took a break but honestly I'm only still doing this because I feel obligated. I in general jump between different consuming internet habits. I spent enough times in the ao3 tags that I read the description for every mcyt fic being produced. I made a second um youtube account so I could subcribe to like a hundred animatic channels and I made a 800 video playlist of all of them. I got really into writing essays on my main. Then I started this blog after getting praise for the timestamps I made in the youtube comments and out of a desire to make them more reliable to find. And now I've been spending a lot of time on twitter (and not just lurking like actually tweeting). I guess my point is I would have moved on if I didn't feel obligated to see this through. I know no one would hate me for missing days, taking a break, or quiting altogether, but it really matters to me. I guess I just think how happy I'd be to find this blog and that's enough for me.

So in conclusion I'm not quitting but I am struggling. Thank you so much to everyone who supports me it's literally only the idea that someone appreciates my work here that keeps me doing this. I wish each and every one of you the best! You deserve it

#nottimestamps

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mymomanddadaregonnabesomadatme · 5 years

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"Hey Khyle, why are you obsessed with a rarepair with a dead guy in it?"

Or, JonGerry manifesto time

FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: Gerry vs Jon's misandry

Let's talk about how Jon hates men! Jon hates men. Listen to how he conducts himself around Martin, Tim and Elias in season one versus how he gets along with Sasha and the tone is so hilariously different. He has NO patience for the men around him and even though he's still pretty crusty to the women who come in to make statements (Naomi Herne & Melanie in s1) the way he handles talking to Sasha as a colleague is wildly different from how he talks to the men he works with. The same with when he meets Basira! His social comfort around women feels distinctly different from the way he feels about, navigates around and talks to men. So it's very, VERY fun to contrast this not only with how well he and Gerry get along (even after a pretty terse greeting from Gerry!!), but also to how excited he gets talking and thinking about Gerry when he reads about him in statements and goes to America hoping he's still alive. I think being an exciting Idea of a person makes it slightly easier for Jon to digest him before meeting him, and I also think it's the reason that...

SECOND ORDER OF BUSINESS: Gerry is Jon's celebrity crush

If you need convincing, look no further than the fondness with which Jon says "that would be our Gerard" to Jurgen Leitner and your heart will open to this reality...Jon read about a cool goth in some statements and idealized him so hard he started crushing on him. Is Jon out to himself? No idea! Will that stop him from doing the very Jon thing of having very transparent feelings about something? Nope!

I've mentioned it in other posts but I do think it's significant how excited Jon is when he hopes Gerry is alive in America so he can meet him. There are a lot of little notes and quips Jon makes about Gerry throughout the series thay really solidify the idea that he's excited about him. I think Jon gets excited to pull information together and recognize figures from other statements -- he is the Archivist after all -- but I think some of the fondness Jon applies when talking about Gerry is significant and distinct from how he talks about other figures from statements. Plus, Jon has a reason to empathize with and relate to Gerry, given the fact that Leitners were one of the few things he allowed for the existence of even in season one, and Gerry is clearly so upset by their existence that he's gone around destroying them and beating up Jurgen Leitner himself. Probably hard for Jon not to idealize someone doing the work that he was so desperate for Elias to let him engage in during season one, huh? I think we all idealize and build parasocial relationships based on a feeling of relating to the people who are somewhat out of our reach...a cool goth who destroys evil books and punched the man whose library ruined your life? Might be a little hard not to get excited about the idea of him...🤔

THIRD ORDER OF BUSINESS: Gerry in the (quasi-) flesh vs. Gerry on the page

So, maybe you're convinced there were some celebrity crush feelings, maybe you aren't, but there's definitely some idealization at play with how Jon views Gerard Keay, Book-Hunting Goth Of Legend. Now let's talk about how that idea contrasts with Gerry, the regular (ish) dude that comes out of a book in America!!!

I think something very fun to note is how much they joke around with each other, basically right off the bat. It's pretty clear to me how much fun they have in each other's company, especially considering Gerry cites literally being in pain while he's existing as a page in the book. Both the crusty intro and Jon's reluctance to take and burn the page could have soured the entire interaction, but they both enjoy each other's company pretty transparently for the whole exchange. Gerry is straight with Jon in a way no one has been through basically his entire time learning about his position as the Archivist, and despite the fact that Jon summons Gerry for a purpose, it's hard not to view the exchange as largely social because of the tone. The fact that Gerry has ONE conversation with him and thinks of him as a friend is I think pretty telling as far as how Gerry views Jon's intentions and trustworthiness. He has a backlog of experience with Gertrude and insight into the ruthlessness of an Archivist, one that we never see calling him Gerry, and he still meets Jon for 20 minutes and goes yeah. I could befriend this dude. I also think this reinforces how Jon feels about Gerry: he's pretty forthcoming with information, even if he fucks around with him a bit, and there's some trust and transparency there that I think reinforces Jon's rare positive view of a dude in his life.

Like, I've said it before and I'll say it again: Jongerry lives in the passage through the Jon Misandry Zone. He can only like a cool fictional goth that he has a reasonable amount of distance from but he's so excited when he meets him irl it forces him to actually learn about him as a person. Idealizing Gerry gives him the motivation to actually learn about another man and untangle how he feels about them!!!

FOURTH ORDER OF BUSINESS: One of these dudes is literally dead

Honestly I'm only Marginally stopped from my rarepair dedication by this fact, but if it's an issue, let's consider:

It's literally a horror tragedy podcast so I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say literally any happy romantic ending for characters is inherently an AU anyway, even if the ones folks are invested in somehow all end up living to the end lol. I guess folks can pray for postgame potential but I've already succumbed to how inherently doomed a lot of these characters seem so...the world is gonna be my rarepair oyster I guess!!!

Also, it's a podcast with some level of worldbuilding around reincarnation. Gerry got brought back once, could he be again? Imo we're only limited by our imaginations on that one. Lots of potential to play around with the form him being brough back and sustained could be...and, honestly, same with any rarepairs where one or both parties are dead imo! I'm here to push my jongerry agenda AND support the kneading of canon into something your faves could be brought back to life in. Death should stop no one from wanting Jon to kiss a hot goth dude!!!

LAST ORDER OF BUSINESS: Compatibility??? CHEMISTRY???

Alright I mean...I can't force anyone to find their back and forths cute and flirty like I do but I CAN say why I think this couple has so much fun potential:

Gerry is already used to being around An Archivist and seems to already think Jon is more friendworthy based on the Gerry request. He would probably be a lot more comfortable navigating around him than some of Jon's other colleagues, occasional snacktime or not. I think being in a book owned by two hunters probably gives him enough context for "monsters, but trying to be good in their own way" for him to be pretty levelheaded about Jon. A human connection that's based on enjoyment of each other's company with someone smart enough to not sign a contract might just be good for our spooky little Archivist...Also...

JON IS A STUFFY DWEEB AND GERRY IS A COOL GOTH THAT'S KILLED A GUY!!! Is this NOT the greatest couple concept this podcast could have offered us? The contrast...the meeting of worlds...Jon idealizing Gerry because he's a cool sexy goth and Gerry getting excited because he's got a sexy scary monster boyfriend...it's all there!!! Rife with entertaining potential!!!

Anyway these are my pro-jongerry arguments I hope you all enjoyed my rarepair shipping manifesto. Don't forget to like comment and subcribe and let me just say...once more for the road...

JonGerry Rights

#jongerry #tma #the magnus archives #spoilers #long post

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