#apparently I'm craving community

[kelticangel]

There appears to be some level of my unconscious self that knows a little German? I have some German heritage, but never picked up more than a few phrases

In my dream last night, I was joking around with Iskall and Joel and we were showing German and teasing Etho and calling him all sorts of silly German compound names like "beard-head" and "box-head"

#ethoslab #ethogirls #dreams #apparently I'm craving community #dream analysis

[jo-harrington]

Longevity (Eddie Munson x Store Manager!Reader)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Longevity (noun) - continuance; durability; permanence

Previous Part: Standard Operating Procedures 1.06

Warnings/Themes: AU where the Upside Down doesn't terrorize Hawkins. Reader works at the Claire's at StarCourt. Eddie works at TapeWorld. (For now.) Fluff, a little angst, discussions of the future, vignettes/time jumps, smut, HEA.

Note: Alright here it is, and it is a HONKING CHAPTER. But how could I break it up into pieces when it's The End? I'm tucking my little babies into the dollhouse and closing it up so they can live on the rest of their lives. To Eddie and Store Manager, I love you both dearly and you were the thing that brought me back to writing and into a wonderful community of writers and readers. To everyone reading, thank you so much for your endless support. You will never know how much it's appreciated.

You can find my masterlist here for more featuring our resident Store Manager and all of my other writing. Seriously, go read it.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

---

April 1986

"Ope, if it isn't the man of the hour, Mr. Edward G. Robinson himself. We were just talking about you."

That was the greeting that found Eddie as he walked into Claire's after school on a lovely Thursday afternoon, ready to share some good news before his closing shift.

Great news, actually, if he was being honest. Life-changing news that he was sure would earn him a ton of kisses that he'd been craving after a long week of assignments and standardized tests.

Imagine his surprise then, that instead of finding you and Mindy behind the counter, chatting after a supposed "big visit" you'd told him that you had today, you still had company.

He skidded to a halt at the sight. Your guest smiled up at him with her hands on her hips.

Short in stature, blonde hair in pristine victory rolls, bold makeup that consisted of layers of glittery eyeshadow, and wrists adorned with stacks of multicolored scrunchies.

"It's nice to see you again Jen," he greeted your old Store Manager.

He'd only met her in person once, but had heard countless fond and semi-unbelievable stories about her from you--and apparently she'd heard the same about him, having greeted him with a bone-crushing hug the first time they met—so there was a familiarity and fondness there that they both indulged.

"What are you doing here?" he asked casually and crossed the distance to throw an arm over your shoulder and press a kiss to your temple. "I thought you said that you wouldn't be caught dead in Indiana."

You, Mindy, and Jen all broke out in a fit of giggles and Eddie felt a sudden sense of instinctual dread.

"Well then get ready to start planning my funeral kid," Jen announced. "Because you're about to start seeing a lot more of me."

"Jen just got promoted," you interjected finally.

"Oh yeah?"

"To District Manager. So she's gonna be my boss. Again."

"Oh, shi--shoot," Eddie felt like he'd been doused with cold water at the revelation. He peeled his arm from around your shoulder and took a wide step to put distance between the two of you. "That's...wow. Congratulations."

He'd been through a handful of DM visits at TapeWorld, never on his own, always under Kyle's cool guidance; however, he'd come to realize that the stiff authority figure of his District Manager Jeff was something to be feared.

So even though he was excited for Jen--your friend--on her promotion, the sudden realization that Jen--your boss--was standing here watching him make an idiot out of himself and possibly put your job at risk...

"Oh my god," Jen broke down in a fit of laughter. "Look at him, he's about to shit himself. Take a chill pill Ed, Jesus. I’m not gonna be a hardass until next week. If that.”

Once everyone had their fill of laughter, and Jen promised that she wasn't going to hold your relationship over your head--

"So long as you're not in here interfering with the business or making out on the sales floor or something."

--Eddie pulled you to the side and finally revealed his big news.

"So," he began excitedly. "It, uh, looks like I'm on the road to graduation. Like really graduating. Not just 'if I don't fuck it up in the home stretch' this time. I'm actually gonna graduate."

"Oh my god," you grabbed him by his jacket and shook him as joy bubbled in his chest from your reaction. "Eddie that's amazing!"

You asked him a few questions and your eyes sparkled proudly as he recounted his talk with his guidance counselor, and he couldn't help the smile that stayed on his face the entire time. Especially when you let out a shriek of joy and jumped around.

"We need to go and celebrate!" you insisted.

"I mean," he suddenly got bashful. "I haven't graduated yet."

"Still, it's big. You worked so hard." You looked back over at Jen and Mindy who were talking at the cash wrap. "I know you're closing tonight but I'm taking Jen out for drinks a little later. When you get out of work, meet us at the Hideaway. I'll get you the Wayne and a beer. And then afterwards, uh...if you wanna come back to my place? Like...actually celebrate?”

He grinned and nodded eagerly; you'd taken the words right out of his mouth.

---

His shift had gone by quickly and he’d joined you and Jen at the Hideaway with Kyle in tow. Kyle who was not only proud of Eddie and wanted to treat him to a beer for his efforts, but also intrigued at the possibility of schmoozing a pretty new face in town.

“Sometimes,” he announced with a flourish when he returned to StarCourt right before store close, dressed in the nicest clothes Eddie had ever seen him wear. “You need to take a chance. How many times did I tell you that kid? You miss all the chances you don’t take. That’s why it took you so long to get a girlfriend.”

Jen, unfortunately, laughed right in Kyle’s face when he kissed her hand upon introduction.

“I’m engaged, Romeo,” she informed him. “Sorry.”

“I don’t see a ring. You can let me down Jenny. Tell me the truth, I won’t be hurt.”

“You’re sweet. But it’s the truth. I just don’t wear the ring to work.”

“Alright, alright,” He sighed, then got a sly look. “Any chance you have a sister? Or a brother? I’m an equal opportunity man looking for true love.”

The night was filled with hearty food, rounds of beer, fantastical stories of retail hell and 4th Quarters past, and accomplishments on everyone’s part.

Kyle bragged about a new car he had just put a down payment on.

Your store had hit some Diamond Earring milestone that only you and Jen seemed to understand but the excitement was contagious.

Eddie got a round of applause from the table when you urged him to announce his big news to everyone.

Honestly he couldn’t care about Kyle or Jen’s reaction, it was seeing you look at him with all the pride and affection in the world that he basked in. He couldn’t wait for the actual graduation ceremony, for you to be front and center with Wayne and Rick and all of his friends. There to witness his hard work come to fruition…and for him to flip Principal Higgins off.

And then Jen stood up and announced her own accomplishment right before last call.

“So,” she cleared her throat and held up her glass and pulled something out of her coat. “I know I already celebrated back home and I don’t really know either of you, Kyle and Ed, but I know my little protégée here would be happy for me.

”Alongside my wonderful and well-earned promotion to DM, I also received my Longevity pin.”

She opened a little velvet jewelry box and showed off a tiny glittering purple pin with a tiny little diamond chip in place of the dot of the “I” in Claire’s.

“Ten long years,” Jen announced after a swig of her beer, “with the Purple Glitter Factory. And all I have to show for it is a pin, a little more money, and a lot more responsibility. God. Growing up sucks. But I’m very proud. And you’re next kid.”

She laid a hand on your head and you waved her off with visible embarrassment then disappeared to go and close out your tabs.

Later that night as you and Eddie settled into bed to sleep after some celebratory activities, Eddie laid awake and stared at the ceiling. Thinking.

“What are your plans for the future?” He asked after a beat.

“Uh,” you shifted your head on his shoulder so you could look at him. “Is this because of all of Jen’s talk of careers and stuff?”

“Yeah. And graduation. And all of that stuff. So? What do you wanna do…where do you wanna be…when you’re older?”

“God, I dunno. I got my associates in business because I was hoping it would help me get my own store. And I did. It also was so boring, I don’t want to go back to school. I guess the next thing is…actually take a vacation day now that I’m earning them. What about you?”

“Music legend,” he answered immediately.

“Uh huh.”

“Guess that’s gonna take some work though, huh?”

“No shit.” You rolled your eyes and then sighed as you settled against him once again. “There’s a reason you asked, Ed. What’s going on in that big head of yours?”

He ran his tongue along the seam of his lips repeatedly as he considered…everything that was laid out in front of him.

Corroded Coffin.

Tape World.

What about Hellfire? Damn, he knew Dustin and Will were the future of the club but…a few years down the line. What about next year? He was gonna have to pass the torch to Gare or Dave after he left. They weren’t ready yet.

And what was he gonna do after school was over? Could he see himself taking a class at TCCC? Maybe. Jeff had been showing him the Catalog at lunch the other day. There was a Creative Writing course that looked cool.

10 years.

That was half his life away. Impossible to imagine. Would there be flying cars by then? Space travel? He could enlist in Starfleet, meet Captain Kirk. Ok maybe that last one was stupid.

"10 years,” Eddie whispered into the top of your head as he rid himself of the fantastical thoughts. “That’s an awful long time.”

“Well it’s a good thing we have all that time to figure it out.”

We…

“Yeah. Yeah we do.”

He could only hope you’d still be there with him. One way or another.

---

July 1987

The spot lights were blinding and the air thick with humidity; his throat was dry and his fingers ached from how hard he was on the fretboard.

But the crowd was cheering and that’s all that mattered right?

No, what really mattered was the music.

And the band.

That's why he was up here with his friends, demolishing the bridge of The Sentinel, laughing and jumping and barely giving a shit when he missed a note or Jeff’s fingers fumbled or Gareth lost the beat for a second. He didn't even mind that the County Clerk had them censor out the "cuss words" of the songs they'd chosen.

It was exhilarating just to be able to play on an actual stage.

It had taken 2 years but they were finally playing at the Roane County 4th of July Festival. An actual gig. And not the first one they'd played, but certainly the biggest so far. Big enough and successful enough that Eddie expected it to be a standing gig for the foreseeable future.

The Polka Band from Kenosha hadn't gotten nearly half as many people and they were, by far, the most successful act of the night before Corroded Coffin.

There was a sea of friends, neighbors, families, and out-of-towners just below the stage, snacks and drinks in-hand, as they danced and jumped and headbanged to song after song. Rick and Wayne were out at Benny's getting all set up for the next stop on Corroded Coffin's "Independence Day Tour" but you were out there in the crowd with Mindy and her family, singing along and cheering louder than everyone whenever a song ended.

Which was why Eddie didn't hesitate to dedicate the final song of the set to you.

"This next one isn't our usual sound," he spoke into the microphone, words a little muffled as his lips brushed against it. "It's a little slow. Something you can dance to, so gentlemen please grab your ladies, tell them how much you love them. But before we begin...did you all know...it's almost Back to School time."

There was a series of boo's from the crowd.

"Now now, maybe yet not for you all, but definitely for a special someone out there," he shushed them and traded Sweetheart for his mom's old acoustic guitar. He plucked a few notes and then continued. "A special someone...who leaves me all alone every once in a while. Late nights. Lonely nights while I wait by the phone, as she and her team make magic happen and she forgets all about me. See I'm saying all of this because she's about to leave me high and dry this coming Sunday night, so I have to guilt her a little otherwise she won't let me surprise her with hash browns and coffee when she gets out of work.

"Queen of Glitter Kingdom," Eddie squinted and looked around the crowd until he found you standing there holding your hand over Mindy's mouth as she looked like she was about to cry. He pointed right at you. "My life, my world, my cheeseburger. This one's for you."

He and Jeff then began to harmonize their guitars for the opening of Beth.

---

"You're a shithead, you know that."

"Mmm...but I'm your shithead, sweetheart."

It was late. Wayne, Rick, and the guys had all left. You and Eddie were sitting across from each other in a booth at Benny's, as the last few fair-goers trickled in for a late night snack. Your own dinner sat half-eaten on the table between you--patty melts and an apple pie shake to share--as you talked and laughed and played footsie.

He and the boys needed to rush across town after their set was over so they made it in time for Ben's advertised happy hour, so he hadn't gotten the chance to get an earful or a kiss from you after his little spectacle.

Fortunately, you were giving him hell for it now, and although he was wiped, he gladly accepted your teasing wrath.

"Is Wayne still around?" You turned in your seat and looked at the sparse group of customers. "I'd like to make a return."

"Mmm...well I moved out in January so I think it's after the 90-day return policy," he said matter-of-factly.

"God damn it," you laughed and snapped your fingers. "And I think I lost the receipt too."

"Stuck with me forever," he teased in a sing-song. There was a beat and he straightened up in his seat and drummed a rhythm on the table with his knuckles. "So...I think it went well."

"I think so too," you agreed brightly.

"You know, Jeff found some...Septemberfest thing out in Jasper..."

Your eyes sparkled at Eddie's words, and he felt the flutter of butterflies deep inside of him that always kicked up when you gave him your excitement and encouragement.

“It’s not a competition or anything but there’s a prize for most popular act of the weekend. Audience ballot and everything. I think it would be cool.”

"That's great!" you grinned. "You should go for it."

"But it's Labor Day weekend."

"So?"

"Paulie's going for a promotion," he shrugged. "Kyle's gonna want us all there in case Jeff comes for a visit."

"And? I didn't know Paulie was planning on opening for Corroded Coffin. What's he playing? The kazoo?" you joked.

"Well no," Eddie shook his head. "But if he leaves...I mean, I'm the best bet for FTASM. I don't want to lose out on that for the future. That'd be...the money would be nice. Can do some repairs on the van. Maybe I'd get my own store someday too."

Your face crumpled--brows furrowed and lips pursed--and you didn't hesitate to shuffle out from your side of the booth and kneel beside him on his. You placed a hand on his forehead for a moment and then tilted his head back and forth.

"Uh, sweetheart," he placed a hand on your waist to steady you as you shuffled closer to pull the back the neck of his t-shirt to look for something. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to see if my Rockstar Eddie Munson action figure is broken," you explained.

"Uhhh."

"Or at least if I accidentally left him at the fair and picked up a Corporate Shill Eddie action figure instead?"

"What?" he laughed.

"How about Suburban Dad Eddie?" you asked. You straightened your posture, pulled on non-existent suspenders, and lowered your voice comedically. "Gotta prepare for tax season. Cut the grass. Do some repairs on the van."

"Stop," he pulled you down to sit beside him in the booth. "I just...don't wanna take the chance on that when I know the full time position is a sure thing."

"Ed," you shook your head at him. "I know you like Tape World but...promotions always come around, music is your dream."

"I know."

"Why did you tell me about this Septemberfest thing if you were not gonna go through with it anyway?"

"I dunno," he turned away from you and went to grab the shake. "I guess I just wanted to pick the thing...that you'd be most proud of."

"Listen here mister," you grabbed him by the chin and made him look at you, Apple Pie Shake be damned. "I'm always gonna be proud of you and support you in whatever path you want."

He nodded for a second and then stole a kiss from you with a soft "I know, thank you." You let yourself get lost in the feeling for a second, but Eddie knew that you weren't gonna let him distract you from the discussion at hand.

You put a hand on his chest and pushed him away, then stared him directly in the eye.

"So?" you asked. "What kind of future do you want?"

His eyes darted between yours--your gaze hard and challenging but nonetheless filled with hope and affection--and he had his answer.

---

May 1989

You could feel Eddie fidget in the seat beside you.

"Calm down," you muttered to him.

"Can't help it," he whispered back; you could tell he straightened out his posture, but his knee still bounced. "Too excited."

A name was called over the loudspeaker, then another, then another.

"Eddie seriously," Gareth was the one to give it a shot this time, leaning across you to put a hand on Eddie's knee and get him to stop fidgeting. "You're gonna shit yourself if you don't stop."

"Shit, sorry, this is only like..." he shook his head. "The most important thing I've ever done in my life."

You, Gareth, Jeff, and Dave all shot him skeptical and unamused looks.

"I don't have time to argue right now," he scoffed at the rest of you. "Shut up, here it comes."

"Peter Halliwell...Dustin Henderson..."

All five of you jumped to your feet and cheered and clapped, along with another group a few rows up that consisted of Dustin's mom, Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, and their respective partners.

It was a repeat occurrence several times over that afternoon, as you witnessed the Hawkins High Class of '89 cross the stage and receive their diplomas.

"That's my kid," Eddie wiped a fake tear as each of his former Freshman Sheepies were called on stage, but he was especially emotional with Dustin. And when the newest DM of Hellfire flipped Higgins off before running off stage? Eddie stood on his chair and whooped and whistled. “That’s my boy!”

“Sit down Munson,” Higgins spoke into the microphone, over an audience that had become uproarious with laughter.

“It’s tradition now, Higgy,” Eddie shouted, words amplified by the hands he’d cupped around his mouth; still, he jumped down and took his seat so the rest of the ceremony could continue.

“You’re unbelievable,” you giggled at his antics. “You do know that right?”

“I’m unbelievably loveable,” he replied, quickly accompanied by the scoffs and mocking fart noises of his friends. He leaned closer and whispered in your ear. “Unbelievably in love with you.”

“Uh huh.” His tongue snaked out and he licked into your ear obnoxiously. “Fuck off!” You pushed him away from you with a shrieking laugh.

It wasn’t long before that the real reason you were in attendance at the graduation walked across the stage. Because yes, the kids were your friends but you wouldn’t miss this for the world.

“Jane Hopper,” came the announcement and you, once again, got to your feet with a cheer, along with her family and friends in the next aisle of seats. Chief Hopper had his camcorder out and his shoulders visibly shook as he sobbed for his daughter, and you couldn’t help but feel your heartstrings pull.

If Dustin and the boys were Eddie’s little sheepies, you supposed Janey was one of yours. From a shy girl whose ears you’d pierced for the first time in your early days at StarCourt, to one of your die hard regulars who looked up to you over the years trying to emulate your style, to one of your associates when she came in for her first summer job at 16; you’d watched Jane grow and gain confidence and really come into her own.

That was the high point of your career as a Store Manager, and something you happily shared with Eddie: seeing the kids you took under your wing flourish.

“All the birds have flown the coop Mom,” Eddie teased as you sat down and actually wiped a tear from your cheek.

“I think you guys can cut the Mom and Dad bit now,” Jeff said matter-of-factly. “Until you guys have your own kids someday.”

That was something you and Eddie happily shared too.

The two of you looked at each other for a moment…before making the most exaggerated vomiting and gagging noises, unfortunately getting looks from the people around you.

“Pass,” you and Eddie announced in tandem.

---

After the ceremony was over, Chief Hopper invited everyone to the shared Hopper-Byers abode for a barbecue. And by everyone, it seemed like he literally invited the entire town to the lakeside cabin the family called home.

All of the kids and their friends and families, Benny was somehow there—had he closed the diner for the day? Good, he deserved a day off—a handful of Hop’s coworkers and friends, including Wayne and Rick.

There were hamburgers and beers, conversation and music overlapping one another.

Eddie was in his element though, and it warmed your heart to see him talk and spiel and be accepted by such a big group when, not so long ago, it seemed like he’d been shunned by them. Even now, you could see some hesitation as he stiffly talked with douchebag Callahan and Mike’s asshole dad, but he wasn’t sweating bullets or falling back on the pricklier parts of his personality. He even cracked a smile once or twice.

What would his life had been like if he’d had this all along?

It was silly to think about after you’d been dating for years but…would he have asked you out sooner? Would you even still be together now? You thought about the ways that the kids had grown into their own…but it wasn’t hard to also appreciate how much the two of you had grown side by side as well.

Especially when you considered the next step you were about to embark on together...

“You’re thinking too loud,” Eddie startled you as he snuck up behind you and dangled a fresh beer in your face. You shot him a scathing look but he easily recovered, back into your good graces, as he swooped an arm around your shoulder and pecked a kiss to your temple. “What’s got you all sour?”

“Not sour,” you shrugged and picked at the label on the beer bottle. “Just…I don’t know. Thinking."

"Always a bad idea."

"Reflecting.”

“Well you look like you’re about to tell someone to get fucked so…”

"Maybe I am," you grinned at him cheekily.

"As long as it isn't me." He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "But you know it gets me going either way."

You slapped the back of your hand against his chest just as a gaggle of voices called your names.

Jane was the first one to run your way from across the yard, with Dustin and Lucas hot on her heels. They were all talking over one another, and Jane especially looked like she was about to burst into tears.

Eddie was the one to try to make sense of them, and he yelled a bellowing "shut up" that got them to stop their barrage.

"You're leaving?" Jane asked, looking directly at you. "Leaving Hawkins?"

"Uh," you paused and looked at Eddie, who held his hands up innocently.

"Gareth's got a big mouth," he reasoned.

"Of course he does," you rolled your eyes and then turned back to the kids. "Uh...yeah we are. At the end of the summer. I’m opening a new store. Again."

"What about you?" Dustin demanded, pointing an accusatory finger at Eddie.

"Where my lady goes, I must follow," he stood tall and held a hand over his heart for a second, chivalrous as ever, before he took a sip of his beer and slumped back into his usual posture. "Besides, Corroded Coffin has a better chance in a bigger city. We're big fish in a small tank in Hawkins. Gonna pack up the van; give Chicago a chance to chew us up and spit us out."

Eddie and the boys bickered back and forth--gathering a small crowd of onlookers the longer it went--about the trip and the plans about where you'd all live and work while you stood there with Jane.

"How could you just leave?" she asked.

"Oh, honey, that's just...how it is," you reassured her. "I get a new assignment, Mindy takes over. And I'll be back to visit. Maybe you and Max will take a drive up for a weekend in the city."

"That'd be fun."

"It isn't goodbye."

"I know," she nodded somberly.

"Besides, you're going off to school in the fall," you reminded her. "You weren't meant to stay at StarCourt Mall forever, and I wouldn't want you too. You have a bright future ahead of you. I know it's scary, but it's all gonna work out. One way or another."

They were the same words that Jen had said to you before you embarked on your big adventure to Hawkins, and you were happy to pass the sentiment along to Jane.

"What about you?" she asked after a minute. "Your future? Are you afraid?"

That was the question, wasn't it? A new adventure, maybe in a more familiar setting but...a new challenge nonetheless. But you looked over at Eddie, who had both Dustin and Gareth in headlocks; his head was thrown back in obnoxious laughter and he gave you a shrug that said "how could I help myself" when he noticed you looking at him.

He was an idiot. But he was your idiot. And he'd be by your side for this next adventure, just like he promised he would be.

"No," you told her honestly. "I'm not afraid at all."

---

September 1990

"Alright, here's a question?"

"Shoot."

"When…is our anniversary?"

"Uhh...Ed..." You let the question hang awkwardly in the air, unasked, but Eddie could read your mind.

The two of you were symbiotic at this point; still, he was happy that you had no idea what he had in mind for the day.

"No hear me out," he took a few steps ahead and turned to walk backwards so he could look at you. "Because I really put some thought into it. If we're going by first dates, it's in January—”

“Like it has been for the past 4 years.”

“—but, if we're going by first kiss..."

"If we're going by first kiss, that was last week," you laughed and rolled your eyes. "So you’re late."

“Yeah,” he agreed wickedly wistfully. “I guess I am.”

Of course you remembered.

The two of you were walking. Exploring, actually, around the cemetery where your Papa enjoyed his eternal rest.

5 years and it was a lot easier now.

You still cried sometimes but the initial guilt was gone and you found enjoyment in spending the day traversing about the sprawling cemetery grounds, visiting this great uncle and that distant cousin, just like you did with Papa when he was still alive.

“Did he make sure he bought flowers for everyone he ever met?” Eddie had asked as you piled bunches and bunches of flowers into his arms at the florist that first visit after Papa passed, when you told Eddie of the tradition. “Aren’t they just gonna die?”

“This is why I don’t like flowers,” you explained. “They die. At least when they die here, the dead can still enjoy them.”

“Well shit, that’s a pretty metal thought baby,” he cooed softly and shuffled the bunches to hold them with some more care. “Can I put that in a song? I’ll dedicate it to you.”

He had and you’d cried when he first sang you the haunting ballad in the privacy of your living room.

Today, though…well you’d already made the rounds today. Only one stop left; the most important stop. Eddie had suggested taking the long way through the mausoleum—down hallways lined with plush red carpet and dated sofas and marble walls filled with the dead—partially for his own curiosity, and partially so he could build up the courage.

You were doing quite a good job distracting him from his nerves as you conversed easily—whatever thoughts popped up in either of your heads—and explained the differences between this Saint and that one as you passed their statues and depictions in stained glass. They all looked at him with serene eyes and he thought that meant this journey would be a successful one.

There would be no crying, if he could help it.

Maybe tears of joy? He could settle for that.

“So what has you thinking of anniversaries?” you finally asked as you sat on the tufted velvet ottoman in front of your grandparents' epitaph.

Eddie shrugged and looked around, absorbing the names and dates inscribed on the marble walls that surrounded him.

“Been a lot of milestones lately. It’s been a couple years since graduation, 5 years since your grandpa passed…” He trailed off for a moment. “Been a year since we moved…since we’ve both been at new stores.”

You gasped and he felt his heart stop in his chest.

“Is…are you thinking of quitting?” You asked with big eyes.

“What?”

“That new Hot Topical store they’re opening? Or whatever it's called? I saw you chatting with that District Manager in the food court the other day. Are you leaving TapeWorld? Eddie, that’s so exciting. You should…”

“No I’m not quitting,” he announced with finality, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“…nevermind then. Then what’s going on? You thinking of breaking up with me or something?”

“No.”

“Well I know you’re not proposing; you literally just wrote a song called Marriage is a Death Sentence.”

Your laughter echoed through the mausoleum but you stopped abruptly when Eddie didn’t join you.

He watched your expression change as you processed the thought. And when you looked back at him again he smiled nervously.

“Eddie…” you said hoarsely and then cleared your throat. “Eddie, you just wrote a song called Marriage is a Death Sentence.”

“About my parents,” he explained. “And how they did everything wrong.”

“Yeah,” you nodded frantically. “A lot of people get it wrong. Marriage is a Death Sentence. Those are literally the lyrics. You’ve been singing it when you wash the dishes.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s catchy.”

“It is, isn’t it? But...while I was working on it...it got me thinking that…I mean…just because they got it wrong, and a lot of other people do, doesn’t mean we will.”

You said his name almost desperately now.

"A-and," he continued. "W-we don't have to get married but...I don't know. Spending the rest of my life with you sounds pretty great."

He pulled one hand out of his pocket casually and with it came a small ring box. He shook it a few times and held it out to you.

There were a bevy of emotions cycling your face, all of them undecipherable, until you settled on shock.

Good shock...hopefully.

“You’re supposed to get down on one knee I think,” you whispered again.

Yeah...good shock.

He let out a sigh of relief.

“Yeah but what if it isn’t a ring? What if this is all just a red herring? What if I had to get one of my teeth pulled and it's in here?”

You let out a shocked laugh and your brows hitched together in question.

"Did you put a tooth in there?"

"I don't know...seems as likely as any other potential surprise."

“Is it another cootie catcher?” you guessed.

“Only one way to find out.”

He shook the box again.

You slowly took it from him, fingers deliberately brushing against his which caused his heart to race.

He felt lightheaded when you opened the lid.

You smiled so brightly, he swore you rivaled the sun.

“Oh…Eddie…”

---

December 1992

"So what'd you do?"

"What makes you think I did something?"

"I love you son," Wayne sighed and leant against the counter. "But you always do something."

It was Christmas. The worst time of year for both you and Eddie. Long shifts, angry customers, restless coworkers...but a standing promise to make it back to Hawkins for the holiday had been the light at the end of the tunnel. Especially since Wayne and Rick had come out to see you for the past few years.

It was tough but you and Eddie made it work; hit the road right after your Christmas Eve shifts had ended, fallen into bed as soon as you'd arrived at Rick's close to midnight.

And you didn't need to be back to work until the 27th.

It was a perfect little getaway.

Except it hadn't been perfect.

Because you hadn't been talking to each other past the standard "good mornings" and "see you tonights" all week. The drive had been made in silence. And you chose to sit as far as you could from him during Christmas dinner, opting to sit beside Wayne and chat all night, instead of right next to him like you always did.

And unfortunately, yeah...it'd been Eddie's fault.

Eddie knew that, and usually he could admit it easily. Fights between the two of you were few and far between, and you had a good track record for recovering from them. For some reason though, this time was different, and it was hard for him to admit how badly he'd fucked up.

Wayne could see right through the two of you, though. Especially through his nephew. No matter how good you thought you were at hiding it.

"There was this...big opportunity we could have had," Eddie began his explanation calmly. "But it wasn't a sure thing."

"Oh yeah?" Wayne hummed. "How big?"

"Big. Like...a once-in-a-lifetime thing. An underground show a buddy of mine heard about it through the grapevine. Said they were looking for an opening act. Wanted to throw me a bone." He hit the counter with his fist gently. "But...he got his wires crossed. Told me it was tonight. So it meant we'd need to miss Christmas. But it's really next week."

"Hmmm..." Wayne nodded sagely and kept listening.

Eddie suddenly felt uncomfortable at the tone though, and became desperate for his uncle to understand.

Understand that he hadn't meant to hurt you.

"Work's been hard this season Wayne," Eddie continued with an edge to his voice. "Made me realize that I don't wanna do this forever. I wanna make music. You know that. It's been my dream forever."

"I know it has."

"Me and the guys. Our dream."

"What'd you say to her?" Wayne asked suddenly, as he lifted the mug of eggnog to his lips.

His knowing gaze made Eddie fidget and harsh words echo through his memory.

"Why can't you understand? This is huge for us. How can we say no?"

"I didn't say you had to pass it up, I just said it was a shame that we'll miss Christmas."

"You don't have to miss Christmas, you can just go to your aunt's if you don't want to go to the show."

"You know what I mean. You know Wayne and Rick look forward to seeing--"

"Wayne and Rick would understand how big this is. Why can't you? Why the fuck do you care anyways? It's not like they're your family!"

Wayne swallowed a mouthful of eggnog and then his lips pressed together tightly with a long exhale. Eddie turned to watch you and Rick chatter while you organized the gifts into neat little piles; even though you were avoiding each other, seeing your smile made him feel a lot better than his uncle's intense stare.

"I fucked up," he croaked. "I know."

"How're you gonna fix it?" Wayne asked.

"That I don't know."

Wayne sighed and clapped a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"I would suggest," he leant in close and his voice rumbled, the same way it always did when Eddie would get in trouble growing up. The few times Wayne needed to intervene at all. "I would suggest you start with I'm sorry."

---

Eddie stared up at the glow in the dark stars that were stuck to the ceiling of the old guest bedroom that used to be his designated room at Rick's once upon a time.

It was quiet. Too quiet.

He couldn't sleep.

He might have spent most of his life in Hawkins but a few years in and around Chicago and he'd gotten used to the sounds of traffic and trains and people walking around late at night.

And it might've been easier if you were closer to him than you were, if the sounds of your sleep-deepened breathing and the soft snores you always denied were in his ear. Instead you were lying on your side at the edge of the full bed, as far from him as you could get, equally as awake as he was if your near-silent breaths were any indicator.

He turned his head and watched you for a moment before he took a breath of courage.

"Sweetheart," he whispered. When there was no response, he said your name, a little louder this time. "You awake?"

There was silence...heavy silence...and then you responded.

"Mmmhmm." You shifted to look halfway over your shoulder at him. "It's too quiet."

"I was just thinking that."

"Hmmm."

"I've got...a lot on my mind too."

"Yeah?" you turned fully now, lying on your back just like him; your shoulders touched but you refused to look at him. "What about?"

"I was thinking..."

What was he thinking? A lot of things. How to start an apology, how to fix this. How to make tomorrow better so your Christmas wasn't ruined.

"...that at least when we fight fight, we still talk to each other afterwards."

You scoffed and he closed his eyes, cursing himself and his big mouth.

"That...wasn't the right thing to say."

"No it wasn't," you sassed him immediately.

"It wasn't what I wanted to say either," he quickly added. "I wanted to say...that I'm sorry."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Aside from the fact that I know you too well," you began. "Rick was trying to get me to forgive you all night."

"Why did he think I did something?" Eddie asked incredulously.

"Because you always do something."

"God damn it, did Rick say that? Wayne said the same thing."

The two of you laughed together for the first time in days, and as you settled down, Eddie reached over and took your hand in his. He threaded your fingers together and rubbed his thumb back and forth to soothe you.

"I'm sorry that I...that I was a thick-headed, stubborn, big-mouthed idiot who hurt your feelings," he apologized. "I know that we've both been under pressure but there's no excuse. I could've been more level-headed, but I wasn't and I hurt you."

"Yeah well," you squeezed his hand tightly as you responded, "I guess I'm not innocent here either. I could have...been more excited for you, supportive. Instead of trying to make it about Christmas. I was thinking about how desperate I was to get away from work, excited to be back here. And it's no excuse. I'm sorry too."

"Yeah but I told you Wayne and Rick weren't your family."

"Well I told you--"

"Are we gonna fight again?" Eddie stopped you before you could get ahead of yourself. You huffed a soft "no" and melted into the bed, all tension in your body gone. "Did you like your Christmas gift?"

"Jesus." He could hear you rolling your eyes.

"Well did you?"

"Duh," you deadpanned. "Did you like yours?"

"Uh, duh," he parroted, a little more exaggeratedly. "You didn't give me a kiss though."

"Well you didn't give me a kiss either," you retorted, but you were already rolling over so you could close the distance and seal your lips against his.

The two of you showered one another with more whispered apologies and words of devotion before you got ahead of yourselves.

Clothes were shed, soft caresses shared, and lips lavished over the most sensitive parts of you.

You still liked it when you dragged your teeth along the shaft of his cock a little and got him to beg, and then Eddie returned the favor when he sucked a bruising hickey to your nipple that made you squeal and call him a god.

The two of you had lived on your own for so long that it was good fun trying to keep your voices down, or make sure the bed didn't slide across the hardwood floors with your passionate fucking.

And all slights were soothed when you reached the height of pleasure together, and whispered sweet words of affection and forgiveness as you descended back to earth.

Come morning, Wayne obnoxiously asked when the two of you were planning to hit the road back to Chicago.

"It's been a good while since I lost sleep thanks to your spirited activities," he noted, embarrassing the two of you in front of Rick. "No more fighting when you come back to visit in the future alright? I miss you dearly, but I can't say I miss that at all.”

---

April 1993

"It took you guys long enough," Dustin announced as he threw open the door.

“You know what, you try sitting in a rusty old shitbox with a bunch of musicians that still act like they're teenagers for 10 hours," you deadpanned and then pushed past the guys as they protested to pull Dustin into a hug. "Happy housewarming, congratulations."

It was Spring Break.

Well for the kids it was--although, they weren't really kids anymore were they--but for you and the guys, it was more like a long weekend. You'd scheduled yourself off for a few days, Eddie'd requested the whole week off, Jeff and Dave had traded shifts with coworkers, and Gareth simply quit his job.

"I'll find a new one," he reassured everyone, including his girlfriend, on St. Patrick's Day when he announced his departure before he and the guys had gotten on stage to play for a crowded pub in the suburbs.

It had been a headache and a half to get everything in order and everyone in the right place at the right time, but you were all here for one thing and one thing only.

Dustin's first apartment.

A Hellfire Club Reunion.

And a special one-shot that Dustin and Eddie had spent hours on the phone planning for the past few months.

Months.

You didn't think you'd been invited at first, but when Dustin told Eddie the full guest list, Eddie volunteered your attendance immediately.

Your forays into Dungeons and Dragons were few and far between; never a big campaign, only the one-shots that Eddie had put together here and there for the guys or a few coworkers who were interested. And this would be the first time that you played with such a big group. Or such an experienced group.

You were nervous.

"You'll do great," Eddie reassured you as he plucked snack cakes and sodas off the gas station shelves for snacks on the road. "I know the roleplaying is not your strongest suit, but it's just Henderson and the gang."

Now you were here and your nerves melted as you slipped further into mother hen mode the longer you looked around at what was obviously the apartment of college students. It was a familiar sight; you, Eddie, and the guys had all crammed into a duplex when you'd moved to Chicago and you'd had your fair share of pizza boxes stacked in the corners before garbage day and underwear of questionable origin and cleanliness tucked into the cracks of the sofa.

But that was a time long since passed and seeing it now made your fingers itch.

And your ears ring.

"...be here soon and I figured that you'd be here first to help me set u--Mom you ok?" Dustin stopped his chattering when he noticed you were frozen in the door of the living room. He glanced around the space that would soon host all of his friends. "Oh...yeah I should probably clean up a little more. To be fair, most of this isn't my mess."

You felt your eye twitch at his dismissive laugh.

"Jesus Henderson, didn't you just move in January?" Jeff asked when he saw the sorry state.

The boys all started giving Dustin shit, and Eddie had the foresight to put a hand on your shoulder and steer you back towards the door.

"We're gonna go take a quick smoke break; why don't you four nerds try to get this place looking a little more Hellfire appropriate in the mean time, m'kay?" he ordered them with faux sincerity. "We brought those props you asked for Dustin."

You heard the faint, sorry Mom, come from the boys as Eddie got you outside.

---

Eddie was extremely attentive and was quick to take charge of the ragtag group, running back and forth between the little stoop where you'd essentially set up camp right outside of the building, and back up to Dustin's apartment to make sure the cleaning and setup were underway.

"Hey listen, you boss enough people around at work," he reassured you when you insisted that you'd be alright to go back in. "You don't need to do it on your day off too."

You proved to be useful enough as the other started to arrive, little by little.

Max and Lucas had flown in from California and arrived via cab.

"It kind of sucks when the place you live is the place everyone else goes on vacation," Lucas laughed good-naturedly.

His younger sister Erica, who you remember from her days of buying scrunchies and glitter makeup, was now grown up and toted an entire kit filled with binders and notebooks and dice.

"It's my first ever Spring Break," she sniffed. "I could have been in Miami with my friends. But...I wouldn't miss this for the world, so it better be worth it."

Mike and Will drove up in the Wheeler's old station wagon, their siblings in tow in the backseat; Nancy and Jonathan had apparently been broken up for some time now.

It apparently had been an awkward drive for all of them.

Jane unexpectedly arrived with a new love interest friend and was beyond ecstatic to see you, barely letting you get a question in as she told you about everything she'd been up to.

Robin was unfortunately absent, but sent her regards along with the last person to arrive. Someone who you honestly didn't expect to see at all, but who had pulled up in a shiny new car, sporting a wedding band and a mustache: Steve Harrington.

"Look what the cat dragged in," you greeted with a smile. You pointed at the wedding band. "Seems like you don't need my relationship advice anymore."

"Same relationship," he chuckled and shrugged, suddenly bashful.

"No shit," you laughed. "Congratulations."

"Congrats to you too," he pointed to the ring on your own finger but you waved him off dismissively.

"Marriage is a Death Sentence. This is just...symbolic more than anything. We both know we're not going anywhere."

"Get more of a deduction on your tax return if you guys do tie the knot."

"Alright Ned Flanders," you rolled your eyes. "Taxes are a death sentence too. I'll ask Ed to write that song and dedicate it to you."

"By all means, I'm actually an accountant now. Maybe it'll get me some more clients."

You cackled.

You and Steve made some casual chit chat as you walked up to join the others now that everyone had arrived.

The apartment looked worlds different, especially with the abundance of candles that surrounded the table you all crowded around.

Dustin was taking the lead with this one, his DM screens in ominous abundance as he sat at the head of the table and filed through stacks of papers.

You looked around at all of your friends...really all of Eddie's friends who had become your friends, your family. It was nice to see them all in one place again.

Then you looked at Eddie himself, who looked right at home surrounded by them all. Laughing and spieling and picking on them with bright, glowing fondness that radiated off of him. You didn't think you could feel any more love for him, but suddenly in that moment, your cup overflowed.

He deserved this; deserved all of this...all of the love you all had to give and share with him because he loved you all so hard in return.

You took your seat beside him and grinned and patted your knee encouragingly.

"Perfect timing, sweetheart," he announced. "Hope you're ready to get absolutely obliterated."

Dustin hit a button on the stereo he'd set up beside him and everyone started to cheer as music and sounds created the ambiance of the adventure you were about to embark on.

"Welcome friends as we revisit a grand adventure of old tonight," Dustin began. "As we venture deep into Greyhawk and come face to face a great evil once defeated. Timelines have shifted, and what you might remember from the past is no longer what it seems; it will take great courage and strength to overcome challenges that you'd previously faced with ease. Are you up for the challenge?"

Everyone cheered again."

"Good," he said with a guttural groan, eyes rolling back in his head dramatically. "Then let us begin on our quest to face...The Cult of Vecna."

---

May 1995

It was like deja vu.

Maybe because he'd done this a thousand times, just not recently. It'd been years since he'd worked at the Mall, after all, and the muscle memory might have been a little out of practice, but it was still there.

He ran up the stalled escalator, long legs skipping every other step, until he reached the top, out of breath.

"Fuck," he bent over with his hands on his knees, panting. "Fuck. This is why I gotta quit smoking."

He'd taken the day off to surprise you; he and the guys were supposed to be recording today--their first album; it'd taken long enough--but this was bigger and he wanted to be there for you.

Needed to be there.

It wasn't every day that his best friend and beloved--the love of his life--his dear Store Manager...wasn't going to be a Store Manager anymore.

You'd both broken the news to each other on the same day. For weeks you'd only mentioned small developments in passing, never letting your hopes get too high just in case of a let down.

"We're getting signed," he announced as you'd collided into one another outside of your apartment building. "It's happening we're getting signed and we're gonna make a whole fucking album sweetheart!"

"Oh my god!" you shrieked. "Holy shit Ed!"

"No more weird touring schedules for fests, no more begging to get a song on the radio during the 3am broadcast, it's happening!" He cupped your cheeks and peppered kisses around your face.

"It's happening for me too," you laughed and tried to shake him away. "I got the job."

"What?!" he squished your cheeks harder until you jabbed him lightly in the stomach to get him to let you go.

"I got the job," you laughed, head tilted back as you announced it to the world. "Eddie, baby...you're looking at the new associate manager of Visual Development."

You'd spent the night indulging on a deep dish pizza, fucking making love, and talking about the future.

Maybe you could buy a house...maybe you could get a puppy...take an actual vacation someplace and not just a weekend trip to the Dells or wherever Corroded could find a gig...the possibilities were endless...

But from that moment on, it was a whirlwind.

The band had gotten started right away, signing contracts and working with the small label that had seen their potential and believed in them.

And now, a few weeks later, it was here. Your big day. Your last day as a Store Manager at Claire's, before you went off to their home offices to tell people what color scrunchie was gonna be big for the season.

There were a bunch of purple and pink balloons tied to the sandwich board outside of your store, and as Eddie got closer, he could hear snippets of conversation as your associates asked you about your new position.

"Have you seen your office yet?"

"Yeah, I have," you laughed.

"Is the desk pink?"

"No but the walls are."

"Do you get your own cell phone?"

"Probably not. I'm not the CEO guys. I'm just a manager."

"Are you gonna have to wear business suits?"

"No," Eddie answered for you as he quickly snuck up behind you. You jumped as his arms wrapped around your waist, but you quickly melted into the embrace. "But she's not gonna have to wear clothes from Seventeen Magazine anymore either."

"Yeah," you sighed. "It really sucks to wear clothes from the juniors department once you're past 30. They're just not made the same way."

"Gotta take your word for it sweetheart, I'm not 30 for another few months," he blew a raspberry against the side of your neck and squeezed you tightly in his embrace.

Your associates all sighed dreamily at the sight of the two of you canoodling—power couple who?—and Eddie was thankful for this once-in-a-lifetime chance that you wouldn't just swat him away for PDA while you were on the salesfloor.

"I'm sorry this is coming from the man who still dresses the same as he did when he was 17," you laughed and reached back to pluck at his battle vest that had only accumulated more pins and patches over the years.

"I'm very sorry that I'm not trendy, sweetheart." He kissed your cheek. "But I'm what you would call timeless."

"I'd like a divorce." You pulled his left hand away from your torso so you could attempt to pull the band off his ring finger. "Effective immediately."

"We're not married," he murmured teasingly in your ear. "Or did you forget?"

"You finally gonna seal the deal Munson?" you whispered back. "It's only been 10 years."

"Just so you can file for divorce? I don't think so."

"What if I trade you my longevity pin? I think it would look nice on your vest."

"How about...I take you to lunch first?" he asked, voice back to its normal volume. "And we negotiate the terms and conditions? She's got her big corporate lady pants on, trying to get me to sign a contract."

"I guess I could pencil you in," you feigned annoyance and then looked to your assistant manager. "Let me ask my secretary."

Both you and Eddie stared at them expectantly.

"Get out of here," they laughed at your antics. "Before I kick you out; so sweet, you guys make me gag sometimes."

---

The rest of your final shift was eventful, and Eddie sat in the chair of the Ear Piercing station while you chatted with your regular customers and received one visitor after another.

Old employees and coworkers, your mom who made you take a picture with the whole team, and then a very cheesy one with Eddie who dipped you for a kiss at the very last second.

Jen had come around close to 5 to bring even more balloons and a cake, and had made jokes that she was gonna have to haunt the corporate offices even more now.

"So we can talk shit, obviously," she joked.

Eddie had called Kyle up, who was now managing a store in Milwaukee, to tell him both bits of good news and Kyle had made the drive down to bring a sentimental gift to both of you on your last day.

A picture frame with a collage of polaroids from your years at StarCourt. There was a filmstrip from one of the photo-booths that depicted a younger you and Eddie, making funny faces and staring longingly at one another.

"You left this in the stock room once upon a time," he told Eddie as he pointed it out specifically. "That was before you were dating too. I squirreled it away and forgot about it but was gonna keep it in case you never got the courage to ask her out. And look at the two of you now."

"Yeah, Eddie watched you as you caressed the glass. "Look at us now."

"I still think I should have won the bet," Kyle sniffed bitterly.

You had scheduled yourself to close, and you were expertly restocking the scrunchie wall as the last few customers shopped.

Eddie kept snaking his arms around you and switching this scrunchie here for that one there, and you'd whine and complain about him messing up the color flow. Still, you never made any effort to stop him, and each time you stomped your foot petulantly, he would drop a smooch right on your cheek to "earn" your forgiveness.

"You know, this is what I was doing when we first met," you recalled after a few kisses. "Officially met."

"What?" Eddie asked.

"Restocking scrunchies."

"You sure?" he frowned and tried to think back. He vaguely recalled...bracelets of some sort...or had he just been looking at the jewelry. He'd been so nervous to ask you out back then...it was all a blur.

And he hadn't really even asked you out at that time either. Jesus Christ, what a loser he'd been.

Where would the two of you be now if only he hadn't fumbled on that first not-date? Right where you were now? Maybe broken up? A lot of the growing the two of you had done had been done with the soft buffer of friendship first...it almost caused his heart to ache to think that they might have caused an end to a relationship if things had been different.

Because now he couldn't imagine what his life would be like without you.

"You still haven't let me pierce your ears," you leaned in close to him, nose brushing against his, and teased him.

Eddie froze and then backed away.

"Well," he licked over his bottom lip pensively. "It is your last day...the last hour of your shift too...I think I could be persuaded."

You squealed and ran to get the forms ready. You didn't even let him fill them out, you just pushed him back into the seat he'd been occupying all day as you got it all ready.

"No more being afraid of needles babe," you cackled, the kind of cackle he'd only ever heard when you were being especially devious or evil.

"I have tattoos," he argued, trying to stand from the chair in protest, but you pressed your hand to his chest to get him to sit back down. "I have a ton of tattoos; if I was afraid of needles I wouldn't. Your logic is flawed."

"Yeah ok Spock," you dismissed his reasoning. "This one takes a chunk out of you though, so it's different."

"What argument are you trying to win here baby? Are you trying to get me to get my ears pierced or are you trying to get me to admit I'm afraid."

"Dealers Choice."

"You're lucky I love you," he grumbled.

You were silent for a while as you marked his ears, as you snapped on your gloves, and readied the piercing gun.

Was he afraid? No. He trusted you. But damn if the anticipation wasn't making him sweat a little.

Eddie closed his eyes as he prepared himself for the next step, but you paused and made one quick run across the store before returning.

"Alright I have one last important question to ask you," you began, and he peeped an eye open to see you standing there with your hands behind your back. "It's the age old question and I don't think we ever got a solid answer."

You revealed your plunder and then stared at him expectantly.

"Take your pick: broken hearts or gummy bears."

Eddie went soft as he stared at the two sets of studs backed by purple carding: little black broken hearts and the neon green gummy bears.

It was the age old question wasn't it? The first question he asked you before he even asked you out.

"See, if it was still 1985," he tilted his head back and forth, "I think this would be a hard one to figure out."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. But uh," he reached out and pointed to his choice. "Now it's a no brainer."

"Seriously?" you laughed.

"Seriously."

"And why are you, Eddie Munson, lead singer of Corroded Coffin, the most metal band on Earth, picking the Gummy Bears?"

"Sweetheart," he singsonged, pausing for dramatic effect. "I think you know."

"I don't think I do," you parroted.

"Ugh," he scoffed and turned his head. "I guess I am the more romantic of the two of us."

"Answer the question, Cassanova."

"Sweetheart," he turned back to you, hand over his heart. "It has to be the gummy bears."

"Has to be?"

"Must be."

"Because..."

"Because I can confidently say that my heart is never gonna be broken if I have you around."

Your challenging gaze softened and Eddie swore that he saw tears at the corners of your eyes. For a moment he didn't know if you were gonna kiss him or start crying.

"Shut the fuck up," your associate shouted from across the store, ruining the sweet moment. "That was so adorable. Oh my god."

"Language Chels!" you scolded her good-naturedly.

And then, in those last few minutes of your career as a store manager, you kissed Eddie softly on his forehead...on his lips...and then punched holes right through both of his earlobes in rapid succession.

"Fuck!" He screamed. "Fuck!"

"I love you," you chuckled at him.

"Yeah. Love you too..." he grimaced. "Fuck! I love you."

---

Thank you for reading The Store Manager Verse.

#store manager verse #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #Eddie Munson smut #Eddie Munson fic #stranger things fic

[wooahaes]

feel me

pairing: non-idol!han x gn!reader, some non-idol!felix x gn!reader

genre: angst with a happy ending. slight fluff.

word count: ~21k

warnings: angst with a happy ending. mutual pining that’s fully believed to only be one-sided by both parties. temporary relationship with felix. heartbreak. no communication at one part after jisung ghosts reader for almost three weeks. big brother-figure chris having serious talks with reader. fluff in certain parts, though. food mentions. hyunjin is kinda ready to throw down at one point tbh.

daisy’s notes: title origin from the golden child song bc the lyrics kinda fit haha <3 anyway rewrite of this old thing!! also sorry felix but if u get the sequel fic i'm thinkin of... u will be happy <3

Most people looked at the friendship you had with Chris and assumed that he was your best friend. The two of you had grown up down the road from one another, after all, and that had been why you ended up befriending one another. His family all knew you by name and knew all of your favorites (because Chris had learned them first and made sure everyone knew them), and they all watched you follow Chris around like a duckling when you were small. Pictures of the two of you littered the walls of both your childhood home and his, all from vacations your families had taken together. Plus your parents always made enough food for Chris on any given day, since he always found his way over for dinner at the most random times. If anything, Chris was family to you now, the big brother you never had (and, occasionally when he was being a little overly affectionate, he was your big bother). Before college, Chris Bang was one-hundred-percent your best friend…

Until you met Han Jisung on the first day of freshman orientation.

Sure, the reason you came to this school was partially because you knew you’d have a friend in the area (you liked the literature program a lot more), but things changed the day you met Jisung. The two of you had been a little wary of the other people in your group, all bragging about how they wouldn’t let anyone stop them from the party life they were craving. On one hand, you kind of admired the tenacity that took… but on the other, they were the rowdy bunch out of all the groups that were around. Even though you weren’t much of a party person, your annoyance at the time firmly came from the fact you were sinking so much money into this school—even without the financial aid and scholarships you’d managed to get. Partying was fun, but denying everything in favor of it? You couldn’t wrap your head around it.

And, apparently, neither could Jisung. He’d been separated from his friends, all in the same orientation group without him, and looked a little lost. You quietly moved your chair over to him after you grew annoyed with two people hardcore flirting with one another and ignoring the poor orientation leader who was just trying to tell you all about the general education program. He’d looked up at you, and you introduced yourself to him quietly—trying not to catch the attention of your orientation leader. She was too busy waiting for the novelty of it all to die down for a minute so she could do her job, so… Why not take the chance to introduce yourself to him?

He’d gazed at you for a moment behind his glasses, pushing them up the bridge of his nose a moment later. “Han,” he’d said in a quiet voice. Then he cleared his throat, speaking a little louder, “I’m Han Jisung. Music management and music composition major.”

Already, you were impressed by him. Chris was in the music program himself, and you’d heard about how rigorous it could be at times—especially with the heavy course load that came from both programs. Chris had gone into it because he was… Well, he was Chris. Chris who was on the swim team and in the theater and the band and somehow found time to do community service, too. Jisung was a stranger to you in all the best ways, someone who already intrigued you. When you told him your own major, he had nodded along, no push to question your future career.

“Is that what you like?” He’d asked instead. “Books?”

It was one part of what you liked, at least. You nodded. “Do you love music?”

He’d smiled at you, and it was as if he’d become a different person for a moment. “It’s my passion,” he’d said, voice clear and bolder than before.

That had been what the two of you ended up talking about until your orientation leader managed to get control of the group again. She’d finally been given the go-ahead to give you a tour of campus, and you noticed that Jisung had decided to stick with you near the back of the group. He never said anything then, the two of you opting to listen to your leader instead, but you saw the tiny smile on his face when you were walking through the music floor of the arts building. Once you were released from your schedule for the day, he’d kept glancing at you, as if unsure of what he was about to do. Then he finally stepped up, holding up his phone.

“My friends and I are getting coffee off campus,” he said. “Do you want to come?”

That had been the moment that solidified the two of you as friends. You had happily agreed, exchanging numbers on the way as he told you about his friends. There was Felix, who he said was a sweetheart. Everyone loved Felix, and you’d eventually realize in time just how true that was. Hyunjin could be charismatic, although sometimes he could be a little sharp-tongued with people. Apparently, he and Jisung once hated each other before getting over their school rivalry—you’d never understand it, but everyone swore by it. And then there was Seungmin, who was witty and funny in all the best ways. The group seemed to accept you into their circle pretty quickly, and you honestly contributed that to Jisung…

Who you very quickly learned was incredibly funny in his own right. With the orientation group and with you alone, he’d been quieter. Polite and sweet as he could be. Yet you saw the way he loosened up over time when with his friends, genuinely funny and a bit louder with them. Maybe that was why you would end up clicking with him so well: he was versatile, conscious of the mood and finding a way to fit it well. You saw the way he seemed to naturally return to a quieter state when on his own, and you were happy to match that energy any day. 

When you returned to your dorm that day, Chris had been waiting for you. He’d watched you part ways with your new friends and decided to celebrate by squeezing the life out of you.

“You’re making friends!” He giggled, and it suddenly reminded you of the loving way your step-mom always treated you. He swayed with you, never letting you go. “You’re growing up!” 

This was definitely something he was reporting to your parents. Not that you cared: his family asked for you to look out for him, too, and you fully intended to follow through on the request. He’d already been giddy when you showed him your acceptance letter and announced you’d picked the school (he’d nearly squeezed the life out of you that day, too), gushing about how he’d have to introduce you to Minho and Changbin. That was why he’d been waiting for you that day, actually: the four of you were getting dinner together, Chris’s treat. The two of you had decided to call off any embarrassing stories (both of you had plenty of ammunition, the same way that both of his siblings had even more on you both), and you’d spent that dinner realizing just how much love you had for Chris.

That was why you had agreed to live with him come sophomore year. Regardless of whether he was being a brother figure or a bother figure, you’d agreed quickly when he gave you his clearly premeditated offer of taking the open room in his apartment. His old roommate had just moved out, and Chris apparently told him he “already had someone interested” when he brought the topic up to begin with. So he helped you carry your boxes into the apartment and the two of you enjoyed your takeout that night, giddy to be close once again. He’d invited Minho and Changbin over that night, too, to toast to your first day of living with Chris. It was at that point that you decided to introduce Jisung to them, inviting him over, too. 

Things came together from there. Minho recognized Jisung from a photo that Felix had shown him while he (and Hyunjin) were sitting around before dance practice started. Seungmin ended up getting pulled into the group through association with the rest of you, and it was you and Seungmin who pulled Jeongin into this circle. He’d been in your general education classes, and he seemed to get along pretty well with Seungmin. Seungmin introduced you to Jeongin, and you introduced Jeongin to the group, and everyone seemed to fit together in this sweet way. Even with all of you having friends of your own, you always seemed to come back to one another when times were rough.

By some stroke of luck, Hyunjin and Seungmin ended up moving in a few doors down from you and Chris. Despite Seungmin’s very vocal complaints (always made with love… you were pretty sure, at least), both of them seemed glad to have familiar faces nearby. The two always seemed to drop in when Chris was making dinner, always telling some story about their own lives. You realized that your stories almost always had Jisung and Felix in them after Seungmin pointed it out to you one night.

When did you start spending so much time with Felix? Jisung was naturally there because he was your best friend (officially now: the two of you had matching beaded bracelets you’d made for one another just to rub it in). But Felix…

Chris had picked up on how quiet you’d grown that night. But he waited to bring the topic up until one Saturday when the two of you were alone. He’d passed you the bowl of popcorn he’d made once before throwing himself onto the other end of the couch. “So. You and Felix...” 

You rolled your eyes. Your love life had always been pretty off-limits as a topic to anyone but Chris, and he was fully going to take advantage of that, wasn’t he? He’d given you a few much-needed days to figure out how you felt, and they were… Well, far from platonic. Felix was sweet as he could be, and you’d become so, so endeared to him when he started showing up to your apartment with baked goods. Everyone loved Felix, and you weren’t sure when your love for Felix became more than what it was before. Long before senior year, that was certain: every time you tried to pinpoint a beginning, you found yourself moving it further and further back to something else he’d done.

“I’m just curious!” Chris chuckled. “You always deny feeling anything for Jisung—I should have known it was Felix the entire time!”

Despite having the urge to, you didn’t roll your eyes that time. Your feelings for Jisung weren’t important. Not when he was your best friend, and having them would jeopardize that. Han Jisung did not love you the way you’d begun to love him, and you were more than happy to ignore that crush. It’d go away eventually once you stopped fantasizing about what a relationship with him would look like. And if it didn’t… Well, you’d figure that out when you came to it.

“You should go for it,” Chris said, shifting so he was slightly closer to you. “Felix is a good kid! He’s nothing like the last guy you dated—”

Oh, not this shit again. There was a reason you hadn’t dated in a while, and Chris was too aware of it. He’d been ready to get into a fist fight and call your friends as back-up. “Christopher—”

He ignored the use of your birth name, “I mean it. That guy was gross, and you deserve better than someone who thinks you should move in with them after a few weeks because living with a guy you aren’t dating is ‘weird.’” 

That had only been part of the reason you dumped the guy. You’d never told Chris any other parts because you knew what he’d say. Your ex hated Jisung because of how close the two of you were, and you weren’t going to date some insecure loser who thought he could control who you hung out with. He’d always been “fine” with the rest of your friends (begrudgingly so), but he’d targeted Jisung for some reason. Jisung was always too close to you, or he was too soft when around other people, or he was “obviously” in love with you and you were too blind to see it. If you’d let him take Jisung out of your life, you knew he’d eventually move on to someone else. It’d be Jeongin, and then Felix, and then Hyunjin… It had taken a while for you to realize it and accept it, but it was just a gateway for him to control you and your life. When you ended things with him, you told him he needed to grow the fuck up because you’d never ask him to do the things he was pressuring you to do. 

When you told Jisung that same day that you broke up with him, he’d watched you curiously for a minute. When you didn’t cry or say anything further, he smiled at you and asked if you wanted to celebrate. Jisung had treated you out for dinner that night, telling you about how he’d always thought you could do better. That guy hadn’t respected you enough to trust you, and all he could do was hope that he would eventually change for the better. It wasn’t your job to fix him, after all. You’d only left out the part where he said Jisung was in love with you: he didn’t need to know that, and  you didn’t need to hear him laugh it off as the joke that it was.

“I mean it.” Chris had moved closer to you when you never spoke up again, one hand squeezing your shoulder. “Felix is like a little brother to me. I think if you want to ask him out… The two of you would work well together.”

Maybe he had a point. But… “I thought I was your sibling.”

He rolled his eyes, moving back into his spot at the end of the couch. “Ask Jisung for help. You said they’ve known each other since high school, right?”

They have. They ended up rooming together their freshman year, and you’d almost always be spending at least a little time with Felix whenever you went to spend time with Jisung. He’d always be studying or on his way out, but he always made a point of hanging back just long enough to say hi to you and chat for a moment. Chris had a point, then. If anyone could help you, it would probably be Jisung.

(You wouldn’t know that Chris regretted the suggestion once he saw the way Jisung looked at you. He’d held his feelings to his chest for three years, and the mask slipped once when he thought no one was looking. The soft way he smiled at you, the tender look in his eyes when he heard you laugh… Chris would have taken the moment back if he could.)

Which was why you ended up in the MinSung apartment a few days later, sitting in Jisung’s computer chair. When you asked him for help, he’d agreed all too easily, saying something about how Felix did keep calling you cute. While he claimed to not know for sure (which you suspected was a lie), he’d been up front with you when he said he thought Felix might feel something toward you. Feelings in their vaguest form, but still something to give you genuine hope.

Minho had waited until you left to step into the doorway of Jisung’s room. “You’re an idiot.” 

Minho was the only person Jisung admitted his feelings about you to. He’d already picked up on it long ago, seeing the looks that everyone else seemed to not notice, and outright asked him about it. He never understood how no one, outside of himself, knew about the affection Jisung harbored for you. He’d never been all that subtle about it in Minho’s eyes, always so lovingly doting on you. He saw the way you clearly cared for Jisung, too. When he’d quietly asked Chris once whether you felt something for Jisung, he’d said you denied it every time. But while Minho had his dumb moments… He knew you were lying. You had the same loving look on your face whenever you looked at Jisung, dreamy-eyed and oh-so-tender when you engaged with him. You gave Jisung a safe place to hide when his anxiety was too much, always willing to leave with him and get him the space he needed. 

Surprisingly, Hyunjin called him the next morning, just to tell him the same thing Minho had said: you’re an idiot. Hyunjin always somehow seemed to pick up on Jisung’s feelings, too, but eventually believed him after he denied it enough times. You were Jisung’s best friend: was it really fair for him to love you so much when all you ever saw him as was a friend? 

It wasn’t. So he told Hyunjin to mind his business, causing the short-lived spat that the rest of the group heard about in the vaguest terms. Hyunjin had argued with him about it, saying that pushing you toward Felix was cruel to everyone involved. Jisung knew Felix liked you, though, and now he knew that you liked Felix. If Jisung was the only person to get hurt, he could live with it. Maybe he’d turn it into a song if he really needed to. It took a few days, but Hyunjin finally agreed to keep his mouth shut now that he’d spoken to Felix and confirmed that Felix genuinely did like you as more than a friend. If Jisung knew that you were genuine, then Hyunjin could live with it as long as Jisung took care of himself.

It wasn’t your fault that Jisung had fallen in love with you. He agreed to Hyunjin’s terms, and decided that he could live with the heartbreak if you were happy with Felix. Felix was a good person, always so loving and warm. He would treat you the way you deserved, loving you openly and affectionately. All it would cost Jisung was one heartbreak in exchange for your happiness. 

And for you? He would do it without hesitation.

One month into the semester, Jisung had already done a few things for you. Jisung went out of his way to ensure that you and Felix would sit together when given the chance, casually finding ways to move next to Hyunjin every time. A few weeks later, he’d casually dropped the fact that you were wanting to get into gaming more when the group was together, and you’d been confused until you saw the way Felix lit up at the topic. He’d immediately offered to let you join him and his friends, talking about free MMOs that you could play. All too easily, you managed to make conversation with him, talking about how you lacked experience with stuff like that… but you did have a Stardew Valley farm with Chris that the two of you worked on whenever you both had free time.

“Oh, really?” His eyes had been twinkling, head resting in his hand. “Maybe we could make a farm together.”

All too easily, he’d given you butterflies. “I’d like that,” you said, heart racing ever-so-slightly now. 

“Actually…” He averted his gaze for a moment, his pretty freckled cheeks turning red. “Our show is opening in a few weeks. If you want…” He paused, looking up to realize the others were still there, “I’d, um, I’d like it if all of you could come. I can reserve a couple tickets for opening night, but…”

You’d agreed, already planning to make sure your schedule was clear that day. The group had always planned to come support Felix on one of those nights, guaranteeing that he’d have his own section clapping loudly for him once he was taking his bow… but that quickly turned into something that would happen on a later night. You’d taken Felix up on the offer for an opening night ticket, and managed to convince Jisung to come with you. If Jisung was with you, you wouldn’t make a fool of yourself… and Jisung agreed, saying he’d watch the show twice to come with the others later. You had work the other day, after all: it all worked out in a way, right?

Right. Which was why he was standing in a flower shop with you, looking at premade bouquets. For the past five minutes, you’d been debating between a bouquet of sunflowers and yellow roses, frowning to yourself as you tried to pick which one best suited Felix. Jisung found himself staring at pale pink peonies. He’d looked up flower meanings once when thinking about you. If he was going to confess, he would have bought you a bouquet. Pink peonies meant something like deep appreciation, and he could easily spin it into his appreciation for you as his best friend. Would he ever be able to face you and not feel his heart flutter? Maybe one day he would, if he was lucky.

When he looked at you again, you were still deep in thought. He could hear you mumbling to yourself. Roses were too forward, too strong to be just a ‘friend’ thing—even if you were trying to impress Felix. And sunflowers felt… A little cliche knowing Felix. Everyone gave Felix sunflowers on his birthday if they were going to give him flowers. Jisung looked at the other bouquets, only to find one of yellow tulips. You looked up as he approached you with them in hand, the shyest smile on his face.

“You said you wanted to give Felix something pretty, so…” He held them up. “If roses feel too strong… Then why not these?” The paper crinkled underneath his grasp, and his heart was racing even now. This wasn’t meant to be romantic, so why couldn’t he calm down?

You’d lit up, accepting the bouquet with him. He felt the way your fingers brushed against his own when you accepted them, looking down at them. “Do you think he’ll like them”

“He’ll love anything you give him,” Jisung said, gaze softening. If it was from you, it’d be special. His hands rested over your own for a minute, and you met his gaze after a moment. “Hey… Would I lie to you?”

Other people might have. Some people might have tried to sabotage their best friend’s happiness, but Jisung could never do that to you. Not when you meant so much to him. He loved you too much to do anything that might hurt you, that would destroy your happiness. Even if he didn’t love you, you were still his best friend, and that meant he needed to treat you like one. Best friends didn’t destroy best friends like that.

“No,” you said, drawing the bouquet back. You smiled at it again. “Thanks, Jisung. If you wanna wait outside, you can. I’m gonna see if they can put a little ribbon around it when I pay—make it look cuter, y’know?”

His heart leapt at the idea. Of course you’d be cute like this. He wished that it could be him that you were buying flowers for, but he’d accept getting to see you this happy. “I’ll be waiting.”

The bell above the door jingled as he left the shop, taking a few steps away before leaning against the brick wall. With a sigh, he let his shoulders slump. This shouldn’t hurt so much, but the ache in his chest seemed to show no sign of going away. He could put aside his feelings for you, though, if it meant he could see you smile. The soft look in your eyes when he reassured you only made him feel more complicated inside. You weren’t his to give away, so why did it feel like he was losing a part of himself the more he went along with this plan? In the back of his head, a little voice kept telling him to find an excuse to go back to his apartment. A forgotten assignment that he’d overlooked, or reading he needed to do for class… But that meant abandoning you, even though Felix really wanted you to come see him tonight. Not Jisung. Jisung was coming to see him in a few days, so why bother staying?

Again, the bell chimed, and out you stepped, bouquet in hand. The brown paper that once had been wrapped around the flowers was exchanged for white tissue paper, all bound together with a bright, sparkly gold ribbon. It would fit Felix perfectly, all sunshine-y and pretty, and it was only now that Jisung realized you were wearing blue. Felix’s favorite color. Why hadn’t he noticed that before? If you were in red, then Jisung would have noticed right away, wouldn’t he? His mind wandered for a moment: would you have bought flowers for him if you were coming to see him perform? Hell, would you come alone to see him perform next semester? He had to perform solo as part of his degree plans—would you wait to come with the others, or would you be there every night if you could…? Instead, he just gently reminded you to loosen up your grip on the bouquet before you broke the stems.

“What if he hates them?” Your leg had been bouncing nervously the entire bus ride back to campus. 

Jisung just gently pat your arm. “He won’t,” he said, voice as soft as it was in the flower shop. “It’s Felix. I don’t think he’d ever hate anyone for bringing him a gift. Do you?”

That seemed to get through to you, and the tension in your shoulders eased up considerably. A moment later, you nodded, meeting his gaze. “Right…” And then you leaned against him, completely unaware that his heart was now racing all over again. “Sorry. I’m just… I’m nervous, I guess.” 

Jisung could tell. Everything about you now pointed to this need for tonight to go right. The fact you were not only wearing Felix’s favorite color, but also the way you had dressed up a little nicer, just to make an effort for him. The way you were fretting over the flowers still, even now (Jisung could see the way you  kept looking at them and readjusting your hands, all too conscious now that you might break the stems). He’d have to be ignoring you completely to not see the way your leg had been bouncing before, or the way you kept toying with your sleeve, or the way you kept checking the time even though you both left extremely early to get to the shop. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” he said, leaning his head against your own. “You’ll be fine.”

Despite the way he still wanted to go home, Jisung stuck by you the entire time. You needed him there to calm you, the way he depended on you sometimes, and he wouldn’t leave you to flounder. The two of you found seats a few rows back from the stage, settling in for whenever the show would begin. Jisung could see Chris sitting in the front row, beaming with pride at the whole affair. That was the nice thing about Chris: he always made a point of coming back to help wherever he could, including with productions like this. Plus, he was always there to support everyone, especially his friends. Dance showcases, theatrical performances, the art exhibits that Hyunjin’s pieces and Seungmin’s photography ended up in… Chris was there, always happy to congratulate on a job well done. Jisung didn’t need to be sitting next to him to see the way he glowed with pride every time Felix was on stage.

When the show was over, Jisung watched as you gravitated near the door the actors would eventually emerge from. He’d already passed the responsibility of congratulating Felix onto you for now (he’d tell him later) as he searched for where Chris had disappeared to in the crowd. Most likely, he’d disappeared into the back to go talk to the actors. Two years out of school, and Chris never seemed to care about the fact he wasn’t technically a part of the department anymore. Jisung admired his confidence, at least: it always felt like a line he shouldn’t cross, even though Felix always said his friends were welcome. 

He’d decided to take refuge in the bathroom instead, just to calm himself down. Chris would come back out soon when the actors did, meaning Jisung could talk to him then. He’d started to fiddle with little things as he stared at himself in the mirror: fixing a stray hair that never seemed to stay in place, adjusting the collar of his shirt, checking to see how puffy his face was… All little things that he could pick himself apart for if he felt like it, and his mind kept straying to it rather than how happy you seemed to be. He saw how engrossed in Felix’s performance you were. Maybe he should leave to spare himself from seeing this any further. He’d done his part, hadn’t he? You would understand. 

Except he didn’t leave, because Jisung was still your best friend. You wouldn’t abandon him now, so he had to do the same for you. The moment he stepped back into the theater, he saw the way you were beaming at Felix. He’d finally emerged, dressed casually again, and was happily talking to you while holding the bouquet. All he needed to do was look at Felix to know that he was smitten from the way he was smiling at you. Okay. He could deal with this. All he needed to do was find Chris and maybe he could manage.

But all it took was you looking up and waving Jisung over for him to cave, already drawn toward you like a magnet. He couldn’t just leave. Not when you were smiling at him like that. Jisung ended up rattling off some praise for Felix (genuine, because he wouldn’t half-heartedly give him praise just because you liked Felix and not him), and Felix had blushed over it. His gaze fell down to the flowers in his hands, and Felix smiled again.

“Aren’t they sweet?” The tissue paper rustled in Felix’s grasp, and he swayed toward you ever-so-slightly. “They’re so sweet.”

Jisung didn’t say that he was with you when you bought them, that he’d been the one to push them to you. “They have a really good eye for these things,” he said instead. “They fit you perfectly.”

“I know!” Felix looked up, beaming with pure joy. “They’ve never given a bad present before. I don’t really know how they do it.”

Jisung did. You kept a running list in your notes app of things that people said they liked, or things they said they wanted, or things that they needed that you constantly updated. Plus, you made a point to subtly ask about things close to holidays and birthdays, too. All the things you needed to give a good gift that people wanted and would appreciate. The only other person who knew about this was Chris, and that was because he’d caught you editing it. Even if Jisung hadn’t given you the tulips, he knew Felix would have loved the sunflowers or the roses. 

“I think I saw Chris,” Jisung said after a moment of seeing the (admittedly cute) way you and Felix kept glancing at each other. He started to move away, “I’m gonna go say hi.”

“Oh, I can come too!” You were flustered, all too aware of how much of Felix’s time you’d taken for yourself. “I mean, I’m sure Felix is tired of me hogging him, y’know?”

“It’s fine,” Felix said, smiling still. “I like talking to you.”

While his attention was still on you, Jisung made a point to nod toward Felix. Stay right there. He knew you wanted to talk to Felix, after all. You’d relaxed a moment later, planting yourself right where you were as you turned back to Felix. He’d already begun asking you something about an MMO he’d gotten you into, and Jisung turned tail to make his way to Chris. 

Jisung ended up leaving the arts building before you ever did, stepping out into the chilly night air. Chris was there to give you a ride home, after all: you didn’t need to ride the bus to Jisung’s apartment and then back to your own in the way you always insisted on doing. Chris had offered to drive him home, but Jisung waved him off. He needed the alone time to think, and the bus ride that took him home was the perfect time for it. He’d already begun writing lyrics in the notes app on his phone half-way there, and soon enough he’d put them into ink in his songwriting notebook. Just to get those feelings down while the wound was fresh and oozing ink.

You’d texted him that night to say that you were getting lunch with Felix that week. He had other shows most nights, but he’d make time for lunch with you anytime. He’d wondered for a moment until you finally said the magic word: Felix could do ‘evening dates’ with you another time. Yet you still texted him a moment later, asking if Felix meant date dates. All Jisung could say was that it might: he wasn’t Felix. He couldn’t tell you yes.

All he could tell you was that he was genuinely happy for you, even though the emotion never reached him in that moment.

When he woke up the next morning, he’d realized he fell asleep at his desk. His spine was aching at this point, and he realized that there was ink smudged on his hand and his cheek. He’d written down messy, clumsy lyrics that were nowhere near as good as he could make them. Jisung glanced over them again and again. The ink had smudged on the page, which meant he should copy them over to a fresh one after he showered. The melody would come to him while he washed off his regret anyway.

All of it was sloppy in the way a work in progress often was. But he had time to write it better.

A week later, you had curled up on Jisung’s bed while you were waiting for him to finish an assignment. The two of you had plans to go out to dinner, and you always ended up showing up a little too early. It never bothered Jisung, who was currently hard at work on a composition due for class soon. You admired him for a moment as he bobbed his head along to whatever he was working on, lips pressed tightly together in concentration. He’d already told you he wasn’t going to finish it tonight—but he just wanted a little more progress before he went anywhere with you. Which just left you to scroll through YouTube idly, eyeing the videos of ducks that kept popping onto your feed. All it took was one video from Felix for you to fall down this rabbit hole, and you were honestly fine with that. He made you happy.

Absent-mindedly, you started to reach toward Jisung’s desk. He always kept a stack of sticky notes on it, and you were hoping to blindly snag it without bothering Jisung. Yet he glanced up for half a second before pushing the cube over to you, offering a pen out to you without a word. You accepted it, thanking him out loud even though he was still entranced with whatever song he was working on. He hadn’t shared any of this one with you yet, but you weren’t going to push. He would show it to you when he was good and ready, and if he didn’t, then you just assumed it’d be more personal. All you did was roll onto your stomach, leaving your phone next to you as you began to doodle on the sticky notes. Jisung sometimes kept your silly little doodles, sticking them to his monitor before eventually throwing them out. There was still a pink one stuck to the corner of his screen with a little puppy on it, surrounded by little flowers.  You’d started drawing tulips on this new sticky note without thinking, followed by other flowers that you remembered seeing in that shop.

Jisung pulled the headphones off his head, looking over at you. He was wearing glasses again today—a rare sight since he started wearing contacts—and the monitor reflected in them. “Sorry,” he said, watching you doodle for a moment longer. “I’m almost done, I promise.”

“It’s okay,” you didn’t look up, humming to yourself as you kept drawing. “Take your time. I don’t mind waiting.”

(When other people said such things, jisung always felt a little on edge. Did they really mean it, or were they just pacifying him? But when you did it, he never had to doubt you. You always gave him this little reassuring smile. You meant it, and that was something else he loved about you.)

“I mean it,” you said, just like you always did to try and reassure him further. “I’ll be right here when you’re done, okay?”

Sometimes that promise would end in you falling asleep on his bed, always after you had a particularly long or rough day. He never woke you up: he’d just pulled a blanket over you and went to sleep on the couch for the night. He always made it up to you by buying breakfast that following morning. You did the same for him, after all.

Jisung replaced his headphones, but left one side off so he could hear you. A clear sign that he was open to conversation now, less focused on the work at hand. His way of winding down without dropping the project entirely. “How,” he said, and then paused for just a second as he clicked something else, “was lunch with Felix?”

The heat traveled to your face immediately, and you averted your gaze. “It was nice.” 

“Oh?” He swayed a little, turning his chair slightly. “So no wedding yet? I was practicing to be the flower girl, you know.”

You flipped him off, and he snorted. 

“I wouldn’t make a good one?” He faked offense. “I think I’d be cute.” 

“The cutest,” you rolled your eyes, yet still found yourself smiling. “Are you gonna show me the song you’re working on, or is this one another mystery?”

Jisung turned toward his computer again, not quite looking at you anymore. “It’s not ready yet.” 

You looked up at him, the way he sounded a little distant piquing your curiosity. It wasn’t ready yet…? You shrugged it off. What reason would Jisung have to lie to you…? Maybe he didn’t want your opinions this time around. There was nothing wrong with that, to be fair: Chris and Changbin were both better for musical analysis. But he’d always valued your opinions on something that was so important to him, and you always tried to pay attention to his lyricism and compliment him where you could.

Yet you doodled a little rose in the corner of the note. “Okay,” you dragged out the word, rolling onto your side after a moment, just to face him for a second. “If you ever want to show me, I’ll be happy to listen.”

“I’ll let you know if I need you.” A moment later, he met your eyes and smiled—just to reassure you that he was fine.

With said reassurance, you returned to lying on your stomach and doodling. You stuck the sticky note with flowers onto the side of his desk, and started doodling paw prints and hearts onto the new note. “I think we should go out.”

“Huh?!”

Immediately, your heart leapt into your throat. Fuck, that’s not what you meant—why did he have to sound so bothered by it?! Was dating you really such a weird idea…? You just prayed he couldn’t see how flustered you’d become, tugging at the collar of your shirt. When did your skin start burning…? “Felix told me about this nice restaurant and I figured we could go scope it out,” you said quickly. At least this wasn’t a lie or anything: Felix did send you the name of a nice place for a future date.

“Shouldn’t you check it out with him?”

You rolled your eyes. “You know how I am.”

Maybe it was silly, but you had this thing about scoping places out if you knew where someone was taking you. You did the same thing whenever your family was in the area and wanted to check something new out, just so you knew that there was something on the menu that you’d like. If someone else was treating you, you always felt guilty if you didn’t like what they were paying for. Jisung asked you once why you didn’t just look up the menu online and pick from there.

You had looked at him that day. “Jisung. What if they don’t make it good? What if they add extra stuff I don’t like and it’s gross after I ask them to take it off?” You frowned, hugging yourself. “Then I feel bad for wasting my money, or my date’s money, or my parents' money…” 

He hadn’t questioned you on it further and offered to be your test-date if you needed him. He’d never judge your taste, after all. If he was busy, you’d just drag Chris into going wherever with you—always offering to pay for him even though he had the better job out of the two of you. It was nice to go out with Jisung, though. He always seemed to know what you were going to pick off of the menu, the same way you knew his tastes. Speaking of…

“Jisungie?” You smiled at him, ready to sweeten the deal in a way he couldn’t refuse. “I’ll buy you cheesecake after.”

Immediately, you saw the way he pressed his lips together. You knew one of the ways to his heart and it was always through something sweet like cheesecake. A moment later, he melted, smiling as he turned back to save what he was working on. You left the sticky notes on his desk and hopped up, announcing you’d be waiting for him and made your way out. Minho had been curled up on the couch with a book, glancing up when you came in.

“Jisung and I are going to get dinner. Are you coming?”

Minho glanced over to where Jisung had emerged from his room, then shook his head. “I already ate.” 

Whatever. The two of you would have fun on your own, then. Through the power of digital maps and following directions, you and Jisung managed to find the place easily enough. The two of you ended up seated in the corner, ordering quickly enough before you were left alone. With a sigh, you’d begun to swirl your straw in your drink, mind wandering a bit. Your date with Felix had been nice, but you always felt so fluttery with him. Being around Jisung was… easier. You didn’t feel the need to force any conversation with him, the two of you were content to have a minute of quiet if that was what you both needed. It was a weird change to feel around him, to be honest. In the past, being around Felix was always easy. Now that you knew he liked you back…  It was different. You couldn’t help but wonder if things would be different if Jisung liked you back, if this were a date. Then you pushed the thought away: you needed to stop thinking things like that. 

“What’s on your mind?” Jisung had peeked up at you from where he was scrolling through social media on his phone, frowning a little.

With a sigh, you knew he’d pick up on your mood. “I feel like I’m gonna turn into one of those people who only talks about dating.” You fiddled with the sleeve of your sweater—your favorite color this time. “But…”

“I’m listening,” he said. “Is everything okay?”

Why did he have to look at you so earnestly? Jisung had the prettiest eyes, especially when they looked so shiny—like boba pearls, someone once said. You nodded a moment later. “Just… I dunno. I like Felix, but I keep getting nervous with him.” You tapped your toes against the floor, a little restless already. “I mean… I know he likes me, but… I dunno. We haven’t kissed or anything.”

“Has he said anything?” Jisung ran a hand through his hair, fluffing it effortlessly. How the hell did he always do that…? “What are you two doing next?”

“We were gonna see a movie and then get food here,” you paused, looking up from where you’d started staring at your hands. “And maybe dessert, if he’s interested.” 

“Was it your idea or his?”

“His, but—”

“Then I think you’re overthinking it,” Jisung said gently. “I think…” He trailed off for a moment, and then cleared his throat. “I think he likes you because you’re you. And… And, um,” he glanced down for just a second, “and if anyone doesn’t like you, then… I don’t think they deserve you.” 

Your heart skipped a beat. How was he so sweet? He seemed so nervous now, the way he always seemed to get when he was a little more sentimental with you. Like he was treading lightly, so as to not say the wrong thing. You’d told him once that there was nothing he could say that would upset you, and so far that still rang true. You had your fair share of disagreements over the years, but Jisung was your best friend. If you had soulmates in this life, then Jisung was one of them. “Jisung…”

He just silently watched you for a moment, gauging your reaction as he carefully tried to find any signs that he’d slipped up. 

You just buried your face in your hands a moment late, skin burning hot already. He’d melted your heart all too easily, dooming you to pine for him forever. No matter how far you went from him, no matter if you moved on, Jisung eternally had a piece of your heart and he didn’t even know it. Finally, you found the strength to speak, voice small: “I don’t deserve you.”

Your date with Felix was going well. The movie was fun, and dinner went great (especially going in knowing that you already liked some of the menu). He’d been gushing about video games and the movie, and now he was talking about a new recipe he was workshopping. His fingers were intertwined with yours as you walked aimlessly, no plan in place for where you were going next. You liked how warm Felix’s hands were, and the way he would run his thumb over your hand—just a tender little way of showing he was still there with you. 

“Maybe… I could bake with you sometime?” You squeezed his hand a little. “If you want an assistant.”

He lit up at the suggestion, already beaming again with joy. “I’d love that! I could teach you whatever you don’t know.” He paused, cheeks flushing red. “I think… you’d be a cute assistant, too.”

Your heart leapt into your throat at that, face growing warmer at the thought. Felix was always so cute, so affectionate, and the way he giggled at your flustered face only made you more embarrassed. Yet your mind had started to drift to the walk you’d taken with Jisung after dinner that night, heading toward your usual place for dessert….

Only to be jostled from your thoughts as Felix’s shoulder bumped against yours, getting your attention back with ease. “You okay?” He paused, and then smiled as he squeezed your hand. “You wanna get ice cream?”

Ice cream sounded perfect. You’d been wanting to bring up dessert, but you weren’t sure if he had room for it after dinner and splitting popcorn with you earlier. Then your mind turned to the brownies you’d had with Jisung… “Actually… There’s this place I go sometimes—”

“With Jisung?” Felix asked. He didn’t seem jealous or bothered in the slightest. “I’ve actually been wanting to go there with you.”

You slowed to a stop. “You have?”

He nodded. “Yeah, but… I dunno. I guess I started thinking I was overstepping since that place was always you and Jisung. You guys always take us somewhere else if we’re all going, so…”

What?

Felix shrugged, and started walking again. You fell into step with him. He continued on after a moment, “You two are really close. I mean… I’ve been places with my friends that I haven’t gone with you all, y’know? Maybe we keep stuff for our friends sometimes.”

The shop had always been a place for you and Jisung, sure, but neither of you ever intended for it to be exclusively for you two. Minho had gone with the two of you once or twice, and so had Chris. Now that you were thinking about it, this place wasn’t even the place you two used to frequent. That place closed down a little over a year ago, and you’d found this place shortly after that. The two of you had gotten a to-go order that first time to try in his apartment and fell in love with the dessert there. 

“It’s not our place,” you said after a moment. “If you want ice cream, we can get ice cream instead. I just started thinking about their brownies—”

Felix was already intrigued. “Do you wanna go?” He squeezed your hand a little, giddy at the idea. “We can split one, if you want?”

Perfect. “I’d love that,” you giggled. “They’re huge and they put a scoop of vanilla on top and drizzle it with caramel—you’ll love it.”

And he did: he fed you the first bite, just to be cheesy. His eyes always seemed to twinkle when he looked at you, so thoroughly endeared to you day after day. He’d hummed in bliss at his own first bite of the dessert before talking about how the salted caramel complimented the sweetness of the vanilla ice cream and the slight bitterness of whatever dark chocolate was in the brownie. It all came together beautifully, and all you could do was admire how pretty Felix was. He’d held your hand again after the two of you left, and held on tight for the entire walk home. 

“May I…?”

You turned your cheek to him, and he pressed a kiss against it. His lips were soft against your cheek, lingering there for a few extra seconds before he drew away. He’d already started talking about planning your next date soon, leaving it there. He took a few steps back, waiting until you unlocked the door to your apartment before he waved and made his way in the opposite direction. You retreated into your apartment with the sappiest smile on your face, already on cloud nine. In the sanctuary of your apartment, you buried your face in your hands, trying to ignore how heavily your heart was thumping in your ears.

“Someone had a good time.”

Chris had stood near the entryway, two glasses in his hands. He must have been on his way back to the living room, and you waved him on as you slipped out of your shoes and into your house slippers. Right as you were ready to tell Chris a little about how your date had gone, you spotted Changbin on the couch. With a polite way, you decided to hold off. Chris could wait to hear things tomorrow, and you told him that as you made your way toward your room.

“Did he walk you back?” Chris called out, and you hung back long enough to nod. “You could have invited him in for a minute—”

“Oh, fuck no.” You loved Chris, and maybe it would have been polite, but he had too much dirt on you. The fact you’d managed to be friends with everyone this long without having all your embarrassing stories spilled was a miracle in itself. “I love you, but I don’t need you to embarrass both of us, Chris.”

Chris only burst into giggles, knowing that you were right and that Felix would have agreed with you in a heartbeat. “I wouldn’t do it too bad!”

Big brother energy. Big bother energy, too. You opened your bedroom door. “You absolutely would,” you called back. “Love you!”

Yet it was right as you were closing the door that you heard Changbin speak up, clearly not intending for you to hear: “I thought they were…” Then a pause, just for a second. “... What about Jisung?”

You shut your bedroom door as quietly as you could, praying that no one noticed you’d caught that. You pressed your back against it for a minute, wondering where you had slipped up. Were you that obvious? Did everyone but Jisung know that you liked him and he didn’t like you back? No. No, no one else could know, right? If they knew, they would have said something by now—especially with the fact that you and Felix weren’t hiding the fact you were dating. Speaking of…

You texted him to get home safe, tacking on a yellow heart after it. He attached a little heart to the message soon enough, and you smiled to yourself. He’d text you when he got home, the way he usually did. All you could do now was start getting ready for bed as you let your mind drift back to what Changbin had been saying. If Changbin knew, then there was no telling if he’d accidentally spill it. What if Jisung found out…? He’d look at you differently, wouldn’t he? Especially since you’d asked him to help you get with Felix. What if he connected the dots and figured out that you were dating Felix because you were trying to move on? What if Felix found out and he hated you for it…? A world in which Jisung and Felix hated you was one you didn’t want to live in, and your heart began to race at the thought. Shit. What if…? You wanted to reach for your phone, to call Jisung. But Jisung would ask some questions to help you calm down, and you weren’t sure if you could be vague enough to keep him from finding out. 

Instead, you threw yourself into doing research for an essay. The less you thought about it all, the better off you’d be. The only thing that pulled you out of your thoughts was the text that popped up over an hour later from Felix. He’d sent you a picture of himself with a face mask on, dressed and ready for bed, and apologizing that he didn’t text you sooner. It was followed up with a “sleep well 💙we’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?” that left you smiling.

Felix was cute. He was sweet. He liked you, and you liked him. All you needed to do was push past your feelings for Jisung, and things would work out. Letting go was the hardest part of loving someone who wouldn’t love you back, and you needed to learn how to do it.

Maybe Felix could help you learn how to do that by loving you extra loud.

“You’re both slacking, you know!”

Jisung looked up at the sound of your voice carrying across the apartment. Barely milliseconds later, he heard Minho groan at you for pointing out the fact the apartment was a little unkempt. Fuck, you were here sooner than he thought—he’d seen your text over half an hour saying you were coming, but you were ‘taking your time’ for whatever reason. You’d given him a time, and even still he was surprised by how soon you’d showed up.

“I told you to text before you come!”

You’d stopped for a minute to turn to huff at him. “I did!” 

“Text me, not just Jisung.” There was no venom in his words, purely Minho ribbing you, but Jisung jolted from his chair. Shit, his room was a mess still. Minho had to know, didn’t he? This was him giving him a chance to tidy before you came in. “He’s been in his room all day, by the way.”

“What?” You hadn’t moved. “Really? Is he behind, or…?”

Yes, keep distracting them, Jisung shoved trash into the small trash can next to his desk—all wrappers from snacks. The sticky notes from his monitor were neatly hidden away in the bottom drawer with all the others you’d left him. Minho was rattling something off about how he knew Jisung had been hard at work, although he’d barely checked on him since he seemed to be focused. He’d tie up the bag and take it out of his room later, after you left. He made up his bed as you asked something about one of Jisung’s classes, to which Minho said a curt “I don’t know, I’m not his mom,” which earned ribbing from you considering how Minho acted like a mom at times. A second later, your voice was a little louder, having stepped closer to his room.

He threw himself back into his chair, pulled his headphones on, and pretended to be hard at work. Don’t notice the fact he’s still panting a little—he was just… running. A marathon. Really. He heard your quick knock, followed by the creak of his bedroom door a moment later. When you waved your hand in front of his face, he pretended to jolt back, pushing his headphones around his neck as he looked up at you.

With a smile, you held up the takeout. “How much do you love me?”

More than you knew. No wonder you told him you weren’t sure you’d be there on time. He accepted the bag, already working to undo the knot. “I don’t deserve you.”

You pulled over the spare chair, pulling it over to his desk. “Minho said you’ve been busy all day. Everything okay?”

He nodded. “Just working on that paper on music history,” he set aside the plastic-wrapped utensils. “It’s due in a few days, but I’m behind on it, so…”

You frowned a little. “Okay, but… Have you eaten today?” When he didn’t move, you’d been given your answer. “Aw, Jisungie…”

“I’ve snacked?”

“That’s not the same thing,” you leaned against his desk. “I guess I came at a good time, then.” 

He nodded, pulling the knot undone. He set your food aside. “I think Minho tried to check on me earlier. I don’t really remember.”

It wouldn’t be the first time, and both of you knew that. “Are you gonna share this time?”

He let out a groan. One time he ate all the steamed dumplings, and you’ve never let him live it down. “I always share,” he said, setting the container where both of you could reach it. “Take however many you want.”

“Not those,” you said, before pausing for a moment. “Well, yes those, but…” You pointed your chopsticks toward his computer. “Any of your work. I feel like I haven’t heard any of it this semester.” 

“You’re usually with Felix,” he said, voice a little quieter. “I mean… You two are usually going out and doing things, you know?” He hoped you understood him: you couldn’t be around to hear things when you were out with him. 

“Not the entire semester,” you frowned again. Then you sighed, balancing your food in your lap. “But you’re right.” Then you paused, brows drawing together. “Wait… Am I spending too much time with Felix?”

Jisung shook his head quickly. “No! No, you two are fine—I just meant—”

You reached out, squeezing his shoulder, “No, Jisung. I’m sorry.”

The way you sounded so genuinely upset only broke his heart a little. He didn’t mean to imply you shouldn’t be spending time with Felix—the two of you were dating after all. “Don’t feel bad about Felix—”

You stopped him there again. “No, I mean… I know we’re dating, but that’s no excuse to ignore you. I don’t want to be the kind of person who dumps their friends entirely, all just because I’m seeing someone. That’s not fair to you.”

His face grew warmer. Had you thought about this before…? You’d always been so conscious of your friendships when dating in the past. Sure, you spent more time with past partners, but he’d never felt neglected. No one did. “You aren’t dumping any of us. It’s okay.”

Yet that didn’t seem to stop you. “We should go out this weekend,” you said. “Like we usually do. I have to work Saturday morning, but my evening is yours.” 

His? Jisung ignored the way his heart skipped a beat at that. It didn’t mean anything. “But what about Felix?”

You pressed your lips together. “If he doesn’t understand ‘best friend time,’ then he’s not the one.” You shrugged. “My partner shouldn't stop me from hanging out with friends. I’m never going to date anyone like that. I wouldn’t want anyone to put their life on pause entirely for me, you know?”

Jisung had always loved that about you. You loved your friends wholeheartedly, and you were always so, so loyal to them. In your past relationships, you’d always found time for friends. They understood whenever you prioritized the relationship during that initial phase, sure, but it always just felt… wrong to drop them entirely during that period. You needed to balance your time, after all.

Jisung swallowed his own pain. “How are you two?”

“You don’t want to hear about us.”

“I do,” he insisted. “You don’t have to share anything, but… You’re both still my friends. Jeongin said he saw you two on a date.”

You fumbled with your chopsticks, immediately growing flustered. “Oh my god. Felix kept telling me that he was positive it wasn’t him—I knew it was! Holy shit—”

“He didn’t say anything bad!” Jisung panicked a little, carefully removing your food from your lap before it could get spilled in your movement. He moved his chair over, giving you some of his desk space so you wouldn’t have to use your lap as a table anymore. “All he said was that you two were holding hands and giggling. He said it was sweet.”

You refused to look at Jisung, still too embarrassed to do anything more than push your food around its plate. “He’s… really sweet,” you admitted after a moment. “I dunno how I feel, honestly, and I kinda feel bad about that. He’s nice to talk to, and he’s sweet, but… I dunno. I keep getting worried that I’m leading him on if I’m not all-in already.” Your knee bumped against Jisung’s. “You changed the subject, by the way.” 

Shit, you caught him. Jisung just moved the dumplings between the two of you again, trying to distract you. When you gave him a pointed look, he knew you weren’t going to drop it yet. With a sigh, he shrugged. “I’ll show you after I finish one. They aren’t good yet.” 

“Bullshit,” you said. “Your works’ always good. Even when it’s a work in progress—I can always tell that you love what you’re doing. I love how devoted you are to it… and to us, y’know.” 

Now it was his turn to be embarrassed, always so easily flustered. How did complimenting him come so easily to you? 

“You don’t have to share it if you aren’t ready or if you don’t want to,” you said after a moment. “You can tell me that, though. I’ll stop asking.”

Jisung looked up, nodding. “Later,” he promised, running a hand through his hair nervously. “When I’m ready.”

You giggled, squeezing his knee. “That’s all I needed to know,” you said. “I’ll be here for you when you want to share, alright?”

Tell them. The little voice in the back of Jisung’s mind was nagging him again, and all he could do was admire how giddy you were getting over dumplings. He loved how you found joy in little things like this, too. Tell them so they can break your heart and get it over with.

Then something clicked in his mind, something he’d glazed over entirely. “You… might not like Felix?”

You avoided his gaze, as though you were ashamed. There was nothing wrong with not being sure of your feelings, and yet you’d shrunk before him, unsure. “I don’t know. I… I like him, but I’m not sure how far it goes.”

“You should figure it out soon,” he said softly. Regardless of his own feelings for you, Felix was his friend. You clearly were, too. It was unfair if you stopped feeling things and kept seeing him. “Felix is a really good person. If you want to date him, you should be up front about it. He won’t hold it against you if you don’t feel the same, you know? Do what will make you happy.” 

You looked up from your food a moment later, a soft look in his eyes. He’d seen you and accepted you without any harsh judgment. Someone else might have told you off for being unsure, but not Jisung. Never Jisung. Feelings were complicated, after all. If you weren’t sure, then you weren’t sure. All you needed was time to figure it out. You wouldn’t drag things out to hurt Felix. You turned, leaning over the side of your chair to wrap your arms around him. He relaxed into your embrace, reaching up a hand to squeeze your arm.

“I’m really glad you’re in my life, Jisung.” You shut your eyes, squeezing him extra tight for a second. “I really, really love you, y’know?”

Why did that feel like a confession? His heart was racing, and he just squeezed you gently. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he savored this moment. “Yeah,” he said, praying that you didn’t notice how warm his face was getting, or hear how fast his heart was racing. “Love you, too.”

A moment later, you drew away, hands lingering on his arm for a moment too long. Then you were hit with realization. “Oh!” You drew away from him, “I forgot to get us drinks.” The wheels noisily rolled against the floor as you stood up. “I’ll go see what’s in the fridge, alright?”

Before he could offer to go, you were gone. Jisung watched the door shut behind you, and let out a long sigh as he relaxed into his chair. How long would it take for him to get past this? Every little moment like this with you only made his feelings burrow deeper into his chest. It felt as though he’d hit bedrock and somehow managed to keep digging. Something squeezed in his chest, and he felt as though he was going to suffocate in that moment. 

Jisung loved you too much, and now it was starting to hurt even more.

Felix was… Felix. He’d been kind to you from the first day you met him. He was sweet. Sometimes insecure, but most people were, weren’t they? He was warmer than sunshine, though, and you had always felt like you were on top of the world when you were with him. He had that ability to just spread joy in other people, that pretty smile enough to give anyone butterflies—especially when you heard his laugh afterward. He’d always drifted toward others, always ready to give a warm hug when someone needed it (or even just wanted it). Felix was sunshine in human form…

So what changed? He was smiling that cute, smitten smile that he always seemed to have when he was around you. He played with your fingers, talking about his day and asking you about your own. The two of you hadn’t been going out that long, yet those weeks seemed to shift subtly more and more until you were where you were now. The time he first kissed your cheek felt so distant now. He still liked to press little kisses against your cheek, and you often did the same to him, too. So what was wrong with you? His giggle still made your heart flutter, and the cute face he made when he got flustered was still adorable, but…

Chris had paused the movie the two of you were watching one weekend, opting to study you for a moment. You’d been scrolling through your social media feeds, too bored with the stilted leads. They were reciting shitty dialogue written by someone who clearly didn’t know what love was. Then again… What was love like?

“Hey. Can we talk?” 

You looked up, confused. When did Chris get so serious…? “What’s wrong?”

“I love you, but…” He let out a sigh. “I just wanted to say that I think you should cut things off with Felix if you aren’t interested.”

What? You never said you weren’t interested. Felix was sweet, and nice, and you felt great when you were around him still. “What?”

“I don’t know—Whenever I look at the two of you now, it looks like you’re always thinking about something.” Chris paused for a moment, and then frowned at you. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m still here for you. I just don’t want you and Felix to get hurt.” 

You hugged yourself. “I know, I just…”

“Just… Figure it out, yeah?” Chris let out a sigh. “I love you so, so much. And I love Felix, too. When you said you were interested in him, I was really excited for you both, yeah? But, I don’t know, I can’t shake this weird feeling now.” He paused for a moment, eyes searching your own now. “I didn’t push you into this, did I?”

“No! No,” you shook your head, “you didn’t. I was crushing on him for a while.” You drew your knees a little closer to you, shifting into a more comfortable position. “I… I don’t know.” 

Maybe you should kiss him. Just to see how it felt. 

“I guess…” You trailed off for a moment, hugging your blanket closer to you. “I guess I’m just not sure about anything anymore. I like hanging out with him. And… I like him. I just don’t know how I feel anymore.”

Chris frowned as he watched you. He understood, though: feelings were always complicated in some way, weren’t they? “You should tell him soon once you figure it out.” The way he was being so insistent on it meant someone talked to him. Was it Felix…? Had Felix confided in him? He sat up, reaching for the near-empty bowl of popcorn. He dropped the remote into your lap. “I’m gonna make more popcorn. Find something actually good to watch, yeah?”

“This was your pick, you know.” 

He just rustled your hair before moving on. With a new movie picked out, Chris settled into the space next to you rather than his usual spot. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his side as he pressed a kiss onto the top of your head. He’d always given you little kisses like that when you were upset, and the habit never really died. It comforted you even now, reminding you of simpler times. He’d cared for you once when you were a child, rushing to your side when you skinned his knee. Admittedly it was because you’d been chasing after him, but he’d cared for you the same way he did for his siblings. He bandaged your knee, kissing it better the way his parents always did before kissing your forehead. His parents told him that it helped it heal faster. And, sure, the two of you had been dumb kids then, but the kisses now always reminded you that you weren’t going through things alone. Chris was always right there with you, the older brother you never had. 

It was sweet. At least you would always have Chris in your corner, right next to Jisung.

Felix kissed you.

The two of you had walked home from dinner that night with your pinkies linked together. You’d grown quieter with each step, listening to Felix as he filled the space with soft conversation until it, too, was drowned in the sounds of the night. The sound of cars driving past, the chirp of crickets, the wind as it kissed your skin. But Felix was right there with you, still tethered to you by your pinkies. Even now, he looked at you so sweetly whenever he caught your eye. He’d fixed your jacket, or brushed a stray strand of hair back from your face. When you were finally back in front of your apartment, he’d asked if he could kiss you. You said yes, and he closed that distance between you. All at once, you knew: Felix wasn’t it.

Maybe there would never be anyone like Jisung for you. But you couldn’t be upset about that. It wasn’t his fault you fell for him somewhere along the way. And now you were standing in front of your apartment, an eternity seeming to pass as Felix kissed you gently. His lips were slightly chapped this time, fingers gently holding your face. One of the neighbors must have opened their door and seen from the way it opened and immediately shut. 

A moment later, Felix pulled away since you never actually reciprocated. The hurt in his eyes told you everything: he knew. His hands were still holding your face, thumbs running over the apples of your cheeks. Shit. Fuck, you’d hurt him, all while you were hurting, too. Yet you saw the way he tried to fight back tears, blinking quickly as he took in a shaky breath.

When he spoke, his voice was strained. “This… wasn’t ever going somewhere, was it?”

Even after you’d hurt him, he was still so gentle with you. You wished he were angry with you, or upset, or anything other than the man who was forcing a smile in front of you now. If he yelled at you or started crying, then you could apologize. You could try to fix things. All he did was keep that forced smile as he drew his hands back, letting them fall to his sides again. With the tiniest step back, your worlds seemed to break apart. Why couldn’t he just  yell at you? You’d hurt him, and he just… He looked at you like he still thought the world of you.

“That’s okay.” His voice was so much quieter. It was as though his sunlight had been snuffed out. “I had fun.”

“Felix—”

“I mean it,” he said, taking another small step back. “I… I really hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship. I still like talking to you, and—and I like being your friend. And you’re kind-of good at games, so we could, um—we could still use yours if you wanted to play with us, and…”

He was rambling. All you could do was step forward, pulling him into your arms to hug him tight. All too easily, he crumpled into your embrace, holding you tight. 

“I’m sorry, Felix.” You hoped he would forgive you someday. Not today. Not too soon, not too easily. You didn’t deserve that. “I should have known sooner.”

He shut his eyes for a moment, taking in another shaky breath before pulling away from you. “It’s okay. You didn’t know.” He paused. “You should head in. I’m sure Chris is worried. I’ll probably get a text from him on my way home. You know how he is—he always worries, and, um, he… worries a lot about if I’m getting home safe, and…”

You punched in your apartment’s code, stepping back into the doorway. You turned to face Felix one last time, heart breaking in your chest. He forced one more smile as he looked at you.

“Goodnight,” he said, voice soft as ever.

You swallowed hard. “Goodnight, Felix. Get home safely.”

And then you shut the door, securing the door as you pressed your forehead against it. You waited, hoping that Felix had taken off as soon as the door was shut before you slammed your fist into it. Chris was out. You hadn’t seen his shoes when you stepped in, his house slippers left in their usual spot. All too quickly, you kicked your shoes off, heading toward your room as you started to strip off your clothes. You just wanted to be in your pajamas, curled up in bed. The heartbreak wasn’t what was hurting you more: it was knowing you’d hurt Felix, and he was going to go home, and he was going to cry because Felix was someone everyone treated with care. He wasn’t fragile, but he was gentler. A softer person. There was a reason why Minho joked with him differently, after all. 

At least you were alone now. Chris would have asked questions. Everyone would have, except… You’d picked up your phone, opening it up to Jisung’s contact. Jisung wouldn’t ask questions. Jisung would hold you and let you cry. But he was Felix’s friend first. 

All you could do now was send a final text to Felix to get home safely. A little heart popped up next to the message, a sign that he saw it, and you shut your phone off afterward. You dragged yourself to bed, chest heavy and hurting as you pulled your blankets around yourself. Why couldn’t things just be different?

Why couldn’t you just turn your feelings off?

Jisung didn’t speak to you all week. 

This wasn’t him getting busy with schoolwork and shutting everyone out to work. Jisung did that with warning to everyone, just so no one worried about him. That was the rule for all of you. Life could be hectic, but no one was to completely shut everyone out without at least some sort of heads up so no one worried too much. Jisung had always been clear with telling you when he needed his space so that you could check in with him occasionally. The one person you needed most right now wasn’t responding to your texts, and that terrified you. He was pissed at you. He had to be, right? You had hurt Felix, and Jisung decided to side with the person he’d known longer. Messaging Minho yielded no answer, too. You had expected Felix to avoid you the way he was now, but even he had been more cordial to you. Sure, he was quieter, but that, again, was something you had expected. He apparently came by one day to see Chris, and you had never known until Chris offhandedly mentioned it.

You had to figure things out, which meant asking everyone separately. Chris had claimed he didn’t know anything about what was wrong with Jisung. He never acted any differently when they interacted, although it was a little more rare nowadays. Minho only responded to tell you that Jisung needed space, but that he wasn’t sure what had happened. Felix had messaged you back to first accept your apology for bothering him and then tell you that he wasn’t sure what happened. No one did. Jeongin seemed clueless that anything had happened, Changbin said he’d see what he could find out (only to come up fruitless in that attempt), and Seungmin had been buried in his own schoolwork. If anyone had known something, it would have been Minho.

Which… admittedly was why you decided to wait outside the dance studio he worked at. He was teaching kids dance now, and it paid well enough that he could support himself. Plus he seemed happy, always getting along well with the kids according to Felix and Hyunjin when they volunteered to help a few times. You knew that he locked up in the evenings because he was the last person out, always taking an hour to himself to practice his own dancing. You listened to the jingle of keys and the loud click of the door, followed by Minho making his way down the steps. He noticed you all too easily, and slowed to a stop.

He shook his head, pocketing his keys. “I’m not telling you anything,” he said, as though he’d been expecting you to track him down. Maybe he did. Minho could have his airheaded moments the way you had your own, but he wasn’t stupid. “How long have you been waiting?”

“Maybe half an hour.” You crossed your arms, shivering a little in the cold. Maybe longer, actually. “I just want to know what’s going on with Jisung. I’m worried, Minho—he hasn’t said anything to me.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “He’s just going through a few things.” He stepped down off that final step, making his way toward home. He turned, speaking to you again, “He’s not ready to talk to you, so give him space for now. He’ll talk to you when he’s ready.” Then he turned away again, continuing his walk away.

That wasn’t enough for you. You hurried to catch up to him, “Minho!” You fell into step next to him. “Why can’t he just tell me that? That’s all I needed to hear from him. He knows he can tell me things, I just—”

Minho stopped suddenly, turning to face you. He reached up, hands resting on your shoulders. “When he’s ready, he’ll tell you. Don’t worry about him,” his fingers dug into your shoulders for a quick squeeze, “I’m taking care of him. Just wait for him.” 

Before you could question him further, Minho let go of you. All you could do was stand there, stewing in your thoughts. Minho knew, then. What he knew exactly, you weren’t sure, but he at least knew what was wrong with Jisung. You drew your phone back out of your pocket, opening it to your unanswered messages to Jisung. Maybe you shouldn’t have,  but you needed to say at least one last thing before you stopped trying to contact him. Just to he knew that you were still on his side:

I’m here if you need me, Jisung. Please take care. Love you.

And by the time you were home, he had reacted with a heart. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to tell you he’d seen your messages. 

At least he’d given you that.

Jisung still wasn’t speaking to you another week later.

He knew about Felix. How could he not know about Felix? He knew that you had ended things with him. He knew that Hyunjin was beyond pissed at you, and he knew you’d eventually figure that out. Jisung had spilled his feelings to Hyunjin when he pushed again. That he had loved you for so long now that he couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t love you. Hyunjin, to his credit,  had quietly listened to Jisung as he told him everything. Then when he was done, he scowled to himself.

“They hurt Felix,” he had said. “Because they love you.”

Jisung shook his head. “You don’t have to say things like that. I know they don’t—”

“No, they do, and you need to realize that.” Hyunjin crumpled the paper cup of coffee, getting up to throw it into the trash. “That’s why they turned Felix down.”

What the hell—Did you say something to Hynjin? “Did they tell you?”

“No.” He crossed his arms. “But I know. It’s a gut feeling. I always thought you were lying to me, but…” He let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “You deserve better than them, Jisung.”

Immediately, he was taken aback. “What?”

“They fucked with Felix’s feelings,” he said, “and I think that’s fucked up. I don’t care that they have feelings for you—they should have left Felix out of it. Why would they do this to him?”

“They liked him,” Jisung said, already quick to defend you. He was hurting, yes, but he wasn’t going to just let Hyunjin insult you like this. You weren’t some cruel person—you had genuinely liked Felix. What, were you supposed to keep dating Felix when it turned out you didn’t feel the same way? “They wouldn’t have dated him if they didn’t.”

“Did they?” He balled his hands into fists. “Or were they just trying to get over you?”

“They wouldn’t have hurt him on purpose!” Jisung hated how he teared up now. He was angry, he wanted to defend you, and yet the stress of fighting back now was already getting to him. “They were figuring out how they felt—they’re not a bad person for figuring out that they don’t like him like that.”

“I mean it,” Hyunjin said. “You deserve better. Felix does, too.”

Jisung didn’t know what else to say. Nothing he could say would change Hyunjin’s mind, would it? He was pissed at you, and nothing Jisung could say on your behalf would do anything. Only you could change his mind. 

“I’m still here for you,” Hyunjin said, voice a little softer than before. “I know it’s hard. I’m sorry, Jisung.”

Of course he was still there for him. Everyone would be—including Felix, if he knew. He saw a picture pop up a few days later of Felix out with Hyunjin and Changbin, smiling genuinely at the camera. He’d heard about how badly Felix had been hurting those first few days–. Changbin said he’d been crying for so long that night, genuinely heartbroken by how everything had gone down. Not that Changbin was upset with you at all: relationships sometimes just didn’t work out. It sucked that Felix was hurt, but everyone (excluding Hyunjin, who’s loyalty to Felix admittedly blinded him to anything you were going through) understood that the situation was complicated. It had to be, right? The two of you seemed to fit together so well…

Jisung shut his eyes, listening as he reworked this part in his song about you for maybe the millionth time now. The lyrics weren’t completely right, not flowing the way he wanted them to. But he’d never been able to get them right every time he tried to rewrite them, and it was too personal a project to ask for a second opinion on. He’d stopped working on it to console Felix at one point, only for him to ask point black if Jisung actually did like you. He denied it. the same way he always did and always would, and Felix didn’t push. Jisung couldn’t like you now. Not when it would hurt someone, and especially when it would hurt someone like Felix. Denying his feelings hurt, but pursuing you just felt selfish.

Suddenly, his headphones were pulled off his ears, and Minho stood next to him. He glanced at the screen and already recognized it to be the piece that Jisung had been working on constantly when he wasn’t working on schoolwork, and sighed. Jisung watched as Minho wordlessly made his way over to his closet, opening the doors and searching through his shirts. He yanked one off, throwing it at Jisung, who scrambled to catch it.

“Get dressed,” Minho said before Jisung could question him. “Chris is on his way.”

Jisung furrowed his brows. Chris was…? He looked down at the clean white t-shirt in his hands. “Did something happen?”

“We’re all going out,” he said, searching for a clean pair of jeans. He threw those at him, too, and then turned. “You’ve barely left the apartment outside of work and class. We’re going to sing your feelings out. Bottling them up won’t help you.”

Jisung only stared at him. Writing a song about you was the opposite of bottling it up… right? “I’m not—”

“You don’t have to tell us everything,” he made his way over, giving Jisung a gentle pat on the head. “But you can depend on us. We’re here for you.”

Jisung looked down at the clothing Minho had oh-so-lovingly thrown in his face, and nodded. He left his headphones on his desk, moving to change once Minho had left him alone. Soon enough, he had changed, and even sooner after that, Chris had shown up. If you were upset, Chris hadn’t said a word about it. He just threw an arm around Jisung, already bragging about how he’d have the highest score tonight if Jisung didn’t bring his game. It was almost nice to act as though nothing was wrong, even though Jisung saw the concerned looks Chris kept taking. 

He’d run his fingers over the smooth seats in the karaoke room, listening as Chris put in an order for drinks and snacks. All of this was his treat, he’d insisted over and over. This was entirely his idea, apparently (an idea Minho didn’t refute at all). Jisung kept glancing at the door, wondering if this was some plan they’d concocted to make the two of you talk. 

“Jisung, you should sing first,” Minho said, prodding his side to get his attention. 

Jisung looked to his two friends, who began to chant his name to motivate him further. This wasn’t a trap to make the two of you talk, then. The tension eased off of him. They wouldn’t do that to him—not like this, at least. He waved his hands, though. “No—It’s fine! One of you can go first.”

Chris stood up and began to cycle through the songs, humming to himself before stumbling across one. “Jisungie,” he cooed, “will you sing with me?”

Of course Chris had found a duet. It was from two members of a popular boy group, and Jisung had… admittedly listened to it more than a few times over the past two weeks. The song was about heartbreak to the point of begging the listener to say yes, to sing this song with them again, to let them stay again. It was easier to sing alongside Chris than to sing along, to share his pain through another song he’d had on repeat. 

And it became healing to belt out a ballad with his friends until his throat ached. To break down crying afterwards and be held by them as he sobbed. Something inside of him had finally broken down in the way it needed to. When replacing his battery once, the guy behind the counter told Jisung that it was okay to let his phone die sometimes, because even it needed rest. He didn’t know enough to know if this was sound advice, but he had always kept the advice in mind at least. Was that what this was? Had his own battery finally run out and this was his way of resting rather than tirelessly pushing forward, recharge after recharge? He’d leaned into Minho’s side, sobbing into his sleeve while Chris rubbed circles onto his back. 

By the time they left after buying another hour, Jisung felt lighter. He would always carry this heartbreak for you within him, yearning for something he needed to let go of to be better. But more importantly, things finally seemed clearer to him. He knew how to fix his song, lyrics perfected in the back of his mind. He typed them out into his notes app while sitting in the back of Chris’s car, just so he wouldn’t lose them. The melody came to him easier—something he’d need to change a little to be just right—and he tapped it out onto his jean-clad leg. The moment he was home, he would put it down onto paper. 

And when he finished his song, he could finally let go. Jisung promised himself that he would, and when he did that, he could finally let you back in if you would have him.

Almost three weeks without Jisung, and you felt like you were holding yourself together with thread. At first, you’d been angry once Minho told you to just wait for Jisung. If it was this serious, then Jisung should have told you himself that he needed space. A lot of space, apparently. Then came worry,  because had you done something to upset him? Was that why he wouldn’t so much as look at you anymore? Had you hurt Jisung without even knowing it. Or… Or did he figure out the real reason why you couldn’t be with Felix? Someone must have suspected your feelings for Jisung now. Chris had to know. Changbin already suspected something. Surely, one of them would have hinted at it to Jisung… wouldn’t they? Night after night, you found yourself searching through every text from your friend group for some answer that you were sure would never come to you. Something that someone had said to hint at what was wrong with Jisung.

And then the answer came to you in what someone didn’t say. Hyunjin had never responded to a single one of your texts. You hadn’t noticed at the time, far too caught up in trying to figure out the puzzle that was Han Jisung and his disappearance from your life. But you’d had enough, and if Hyunjin had the answers, then it was time to put a stop to this. You’d buzzed his apartment, and Seungmin let you in without much of a second thought. Hyunjin sat at their dining table, sketchbook open in front of him while he worked on thumbnails for a new assignment. He looked up, and immediately you saw disgust cross his face.

“Tell me what’s wrong with Jisung.”

You weren’t asking anymore: this was a demand. A week ago, you would have scurried in and pleaded for Hyunjin to just talk to you. But the scorn in his eyes was enough to tell you that Hyunjin knew something and, for whatever reason, he was beyond pissed at you. He scowled at you for a moment, but let it go, fading into neutrality. He leaned back after a moment, giving you a quick once-over.

“You’re being rude.”

Was he serious right now? Of all the people to deal with… “Hyunjin.” You folded your arms across your chest. “I mean it. If you do know something, then tell me already.”

His gaze was cold still, expression not betraying his true thoughts. “It’s none of your business.”

“Bullshit!” You snapped at him, fists balled as you stepped forward. “It’s been almost three weeks and I haven’t seen Jisung the entire fucking time—If it’s bad, then at least say that!” 

“What do you think the problem is?!” Hyunjin truly was pissed with you, voice now raising as he stood up. He pushed his sketchbook aside to where it would be safe, and stared you down. “You broke Felix’s heart, and it’s hurting the rest of us—and you should have thought about that before you asked him out.”

You sputtered. Was he pissed at you because things didn’t work out? “I didn’t know we wouldn’t work out! What was I supposed to do—pretend I still had feelings for him?”

“Tell him sooner.” He clenched his jaw. “Don’t lead him on when you clearly have feelings for Jisung.”

Seungmin gasped behind you, and you found yourself at a loss for words. Hyunjin knew? When—How—How the fuck did Hyunjin find out? You swore you’d always hidden your feelings well, but… “What are you talking about?”

His gaze was ice cold now, and he scowled at you once more. “You went out with Felix because you didn’t want to admit it. Now Jisung feels bad because he helped set you two up because you asked—Did you even like Felix?!” 

“I did!” You did. You truly did. But not every relationship was meant to last—and, hell, you never even became anything official. If you could turn back time, you would have ended things sooner. “I did,” you said, your voice softer as you reined in your temper. “I wouldn’t just mess with Felix like that, Hyunjin. He’s my friend, too.” You brought your arms up to hug yourself. “Hyunjin, do you really think I’d do that?”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything for a moment, the regret clear on his face. His fingers grazed the wooden table in front of him as he looked away from you, pressing his lips into a firm line. As upset as he was with you, assuming you would be so cruel to someone you both clearly cared about was… a little too far, wasn’t it? He took a deep breath as he calmed himself down, meeting your eyes after a moment. “I think you need to figure out your feelings. I’m tired of watching my friends hurt.” 

“I know.” Your lip trembled a little, and you fought back the urge to cry. “I can’t help how I feel about Felix, though. I know I should have told him sooner, but… I really, really didn’t know until we kissed. I promise.” 

Hyunjin said nothing at first, just watching you. He licked his lips a moment later, swallowing hard. “You really don’t understand, do you?”

All you could do was stare. Maybe he would give something away. “What?”

Seungmin spoke up after a moment, “Don’t you have that meeting? For your project?” He looked between the two of you. He looked at Hyunjin more pointedly after a moment, clearly annoyed at the confused look on his face. “Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin caught on for once, although you could tell that this was some sort of lie. “Right,” he said, reaching for his sketchbook. “I should go.”

There was no point in calling either of them out. They weren’t going to tell you anything now, and you needed to reflect on what had happened so far. You apologized for intruding and for coming in so hot, turning to make your way out of the apartment. While you still weren’t sure why, exactly, Jisung was upset to the point of not speaking to you… You understood at least a little more. It felt like everyone knew something that you didn’t, although the answer felt just outside of your reach. How much of it was you not knowing, though, and how much of it was you not letting yourself know? You weren’t sure. 

Hyunjin called your name before you left, hesitating before he met your gaze. “I think… I think you should talk to Jisung.” He frowned. “I’m still upset with you because of Felix, but… It’s weird that you two aren’t talking at all. So…” He made his way over, opening the door to leave with you. “Talk to Jisung soon.”

You would. Regardless of how you came out on the other end, you would talk to him no matter what it took.

Jisung had his favorite studio on the music floor of the arts building. He’d penciled in his time slot at the beginning of the week, and let himself in with the code. This room was the furthest from the entrance, and it had the most comfortable chair to settle in and work in. It was always a fight to get this room, and Jisung was good at quietly stealing a few time slots for himself. He shoved his bag underneath the table, and he put himself to work. He’d need to re-record the piano track for one piece, record the guitar accompaniment for another piece he’d been working on… And plenty more that was always best suited for working here rather than home. Using digital instruments only took him so far—there was something calming about sitting down and playing a piece himself. 

It wasn’t until he was playing a piece back that he heard the door click unlocked behind him. When he looked up, there you were. You looked tired. Far more tired than he did most days. What had happened to you? 

“Hey.” You stood in the open doorway. Non-music students weren’t allowed in here, but that had never stopped you. Someone had to drag him back home when it was getting too late, after all.

He ran a hand through his hair, hoping that he looked casual enough. “Hey.”

“Everything okay?” The door slowly fell shut behind you, and you stepped a little closer to him. “It’s been a while.” 

Three weeks, but who’s counting? Jisung was. He kept counting day by day, hour by hour, trying to whittle down the time further and further until he was strong enough to face you again. “I’ve been busy,” he half-lied. “That’s all.”

“Is it?” You frowned, making your way over to the nearby chair. “If you want me to leave, you can tell me, okay? I’m worried about you.” 

Jisung let out a sigh, nodding. “I’m okay. Just…” He looked at the piece he’d been working on, and thought back to the song he’d been writing for you. “I’ve been working on a song sometimes. But…” He looked at you. Maybe you’d have the answer he was still searching for. “What would you do if you loved someone you shouldn’t?”

“Like… forbidden love?” You tilted your head curiously, frowning. “Or…?”

He chuckled, actually smiling again for the first time in a while. Oh, how he was still so endeared to you. No wonder you were still in your literature program with cute thoughts like those. “Just someone you can’t be with. Like…” He hummed to himself. It would be another lie, but it’d throw you off his trail if you were starting to figure him out. “A friend’s partner.” 

He could see the way you started to think on that, no doubt making a list of all the friends the two of you had that were dating. It’d vex your brain for a bit, sure, but Jisung didn’t mind. He liked the cute way your brows drew together when you were thinking hard, lips always pressing into this pout. 

“That’s what my song is about is all,” he said. “I haven’t experienced it myself,” he lied again, “but I was thinking about it and I wondered what kind of song that would turn into. It’s about someone who’s in love with their friend’s partner, and struggling with those feelings. Like… They wouldn’t do anything to hurt their friend, but they still can’t  help their feelings.”

You said nothing to him. Had he said too much? You were figuring him out, weren’t you…?

“I just think it’s hard to live that life,” he said. Every time he even thought about you, there was an ache in his chest. Felix liked you, too. “I mean… Imagine loving someone so much that it hurts.” 

“I can, yeah.” Your voice had gone a little quieter than usual. Right. Had you felt that way about Felix…? Or were you talking about him now? Jisung struggled more with that one, even though Hyunjin was so confident that Jisung’s feelings had never been one-sided. 

He met your gaze a minute later, shy to look into your eyes again. He’d always loved the color of your eyes. If he could write songs about how he wanted to drown in their warm, loving gaze, he would. But that was straying a little too far into territory he’d sworn away from. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I wanted time to figure things out, but… I think Minho would tell you I haven’t talked to most people lately.”

You nodded. “Chris said the three of you went out to a noraebang.” Your toes tapped against the floor in that nervous way, as though this was a topic you shouldn’t even come close to. “Did that help?”

Wait… You weren’t mad at him for that. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“No?” You toyed with your sleeve, not quite meeting his gaze this time. “I mean… It did sting a little bit, but if you needed Chris and Minho, then I can’t change that. All I can do is just kinda hope that they helped you.”

He didn’t deserve you. Fuck the music for now, he’d finished what he really needed to do. He began to shut down the equipment, gathering his things as he stood up, facing you. “I’ll buy dessert,” he said. “Is that okay?”

it was your turn to smile at him, lighting up his world all too easily. You followed him out of the studio, and he secured the door shut to make sure it was locked. For a moment, his hand brushed against your own, and he yearned to hold it. Another feeling he would have to get used to, he was sure. But all he could do was smile at you, thankful that you were right there by his side for the first time in weeks. 

This would be hard, but he could do it. He wasn’t going to lose you again. Not if he had anything to do with it.

Hyunjin had shown up to his apartment for once, and he stood in the doorway to his bedroom. “Jisung. Tell them.” His hand curled around the strap of his bag, clutching it tight. “Soon.” 

Minho had told him the same thing ever since the two of you started talking again. If Jisung didn’t want to pursue you, then it was time he learned to let you go. And if he did want to become something with you, then he needed to talk to you. It wasn’t fair to either of you if he held onto this dream of loving you without ever trying. If Jisung couldn’t let himself do it, then why keep hurting himself by holding onto it so tightly? Why not find a new dream to pursue, a new person to love wholeheartedly? Yet Jisung couldn’t imagine a world where he wasn’t loving you in some way. Part of his heart would live and die with you one day, no matter how far away he went. This was his fate now.

“I just got our friendship back,” he said without looking up again. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Jisung, they like you.” Hyunjin said it outright. “So you need to tell them.”

Jisung looked up. He knew you liked him. But would he ever let himself fully believe it? It felt… harder to grasp that reality. He’d spent so long telling himself that it was all in his head, that the tender look in your eyes was just you caring for him as a best friend. But Hyunjin was right. Minho had been right. Everyone who had ever told him to just go for it was right. “Hyunjin, I don’t know if I can—”

“I’m tired of watching my friends hurt,” he said. “All of us see it. Why can’t you?”

Jisung swallowed hard. “What about Felix?”

Hyunjin averted his gaze, frowning. “Felix…” He took a deep breath. “Felix would want you to be happy, Jisung. He knows, too, you know.” He took a step back. “I’m not going to push you. But you should tell them.”

He said nothing else, and soon Hyunjin left him there. Jisung shut the world out again, listening to his song as it played back to him again. One step closer. Once he finished this song, everything would be okay.

Chris Bang had always been your best friend growing up before Jisung took that title away from him. He was an older brother to you in every way except blood, and that meant he was the one who would have the hard talks with you. He’d come home with your favorite takeout in hand, setting it on the dinner table before saying he’d change out of his work clothes quickly. But you knew what was coming. There were only two reasons that Chris would buy your favorite takeout on his way home from work. You weren’t upset, which meant it was time for an adult conversation. One that you wouldn’t want to have, but needed to. Soon enough, Chris had sat across from you, having poured your drink first. 

“So I think we should talk about how you’re in love with Jisung,” Chris said as he set down the bottle. “Okay?”

You stared at him, already feeling tears well up. Everyone knew, then. If Chris knew, then there was no way the others hadn’t figured it out. “Chris…”

“It’s okay.” He took your hand in his own. It was time for the two of you to dump your feelings onto the table and sort them out right then and there together. “Let’s talk about this, okay? No more running away.”

No more running away. You breathed in deep, and slowly exhaled. Where to begin…? You weren’t sure. So much of your life had become this huge mess over the past few months, and now all those strings were tangled so tightly together that you weren’t sure you could undo the knot.

So Chris squeezed your hand before letting go, turning his attention to the bag of takeout in front of you. “I know you,” he said. “So I know you didn’t want to hurt Felix, and I know that you still don’t. But… I think it’s time you put your feelings first for once.”

“Chris…” You frowned. “It feels too soon.”

“I kinda hate saying it, but we all know now. Felix included.” He set your plate in front of you, and didn’t touch his own. All he did was watch you, waiting for you to say or do anything further. When you didn’t, he decided to continue on, “You can’t tell me that you don’t want to act now because of Felix. I asked everyone and they all said the same thing: they thought you’d liked Jisung for a while before you and Felix dated. After that, they all thought that you two were just that close.”

“We are.” 

Chris shook his head, saying your name gently this time. “You know Jisung loves you, right?”

There was a spike of pain in your chest. Not because you didn’t, but because you did. Hyunjin had all but spelled it out for you before, but seeing Jisung again that day proved it. You’d always thought you were just believing in something that wasn’t there, too afraid to toe the line between friend and more. Tears lined your eyes now, and finally ran down your cheeks as you blinked. All you could do was nod now. 

Chris already reached up to wipe away your tears. “It’s okay!” He chuckled. “You’ve gotten so soft,” he teased. “But… Why did you never tell him?”

“I was scared.” You still were, to be fair. “I didn’t know for sure before, and… Now I just don’t want to hurt Felix. I don’t think Jisung does, either.”

His gaze softened so much. Of course the two of you were still thinking of Felix. Minho had said the same thing to Chris, actually. “Felix wants you to be happy,” he said. “All of us do. If that means being with Jisung, then that’s what you should do. Felix is an adult, you know. He might be more sensitive sometimes, but he’d never hold any of this against you.” He cupped your cheek gently. “And I really, really don’t think he’d want to be the reason you two never tried.”

You could believe that easily. If Felix knew, he’d feel guilty. That you knew as fact.

“And if I’m being honest… I don’t think he’s the only reason you haven’t tried.” He pulled his hand away from your face. “So… Talk to me. What’s really stopping you?”

No running away. “What if this doesn't work out and I lose Jisung for good?”

“There’s no guarantee that will happen,” Chris said. 

“There’s no guarantee we’ll work out, either.” You frowned. “I’ve heard horror stories of friends who tried to date and it ruined everything.”

“And there’s friends who managed to go back to being friends,” Chris said. “I really think that you two wouldn’t let it tear you apart. You’ve already been through so much, you know?” 

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. The last thing you ever wanted was to lose Jisung again. If the two of you didn’t work out, how hard would you fight for him? Would he fight for you, too…?

“The most you’ll ever have to do is get space from each other,” Chris said. “But I think you’d come back to each other.”

“I think he’s my soulmate.” You hadn’t thought before you said it, the words bursting out of you all too easily. Regardless of whether that was platonically or romantically, Jisung was someone you wanted to keep in your life forever. “But…”

“But?”

“Isn’t it too soon?” You frowned at Chris. “I mean… Felix and I—”

“If you don’t go for it now, when will you?” Chris held your hand again. “If you aren’t ready to tell him, I won’t push you to do it. Just because you confess doesn’t mean you have to rush into a relationship—it just means you’re finally being honest with each other. Go at your own pace… But don’t hold back because of everyone else, okay?” He squeezed your hand reassuringly. “The only people in this relationship would be you and Jisung. So don’t include anyone else in this decision, okay?”

With a nod, you decided to commit to giving yourself three days. One day to make up your mind for sure on whether this was the right move to make. If you were going to confess to Jisung, then you wanted to do it sooner rather than later. The second day was to figure out how you were going to tell him. Over cheesecake, or in through a song, or in the park… You still had to figure that part out, and you would. It needed to be special. 

And the third day was going to be the day you told him.

On the rooftop of Jisung’s apartment was a community garden. It brought a little greenery into the city, and it was nice to see the plants that several people often tended to— fresh herbs that Minho would sometimes pick with permission to use when he cooked, a few tomato plants that he often saw people tending to, Things that he didn’t fully understand the care of himself, but he still appreciated the efforts put into it. It was a nice space to sit and think alone sometimes, most of his friends unaware of just how often he’d come up here. He could see so much of the city here, too. He was just one person in this great big city—in the world, even, if he let his mind wander that far. And yet he’d found significance through the people he loved, in the passions he pursued. 

He’d finished his song for you late last night, and now he was left with this hollow feeling. He’d told himself over and over that this song would be it: one last thing he’d dedicate to you, and then he’d move on. But… That wasn’t how it was going to work at all. Han Jisung knew a few things now. He loved you. You loved him. The only question he had left was how to tell you.

Maybe he should have written you a love song instead. Then he’d have something, at least.

He’d brought a drink out here with him, settling at the picnic table. He used to bring you up here sometimes, stealing away from the world for a while to just exist with you. You’d share drinks together, and a few times you’d ended up rained on. Now, he just lost himself to the playlist he’d been listening to, head bobbing along to the music. He could bring you here and confess to you at sunset. Would that be romantic? He didn’t care for it being a grand gesture, as long as it was something memorable. All he wanted was a gesture that told you that he was sorry but ready to face tomorrow at your side, if you would let him be there. 

The door to the rooftop had this awful screech that he could hear through his headphones. He opened his eyes, reaching to pull them around his neck and politely greet whoever had come up here. And it was as if you’d heard his thoughts, because there you stood in the golden rays of the day. 

“Hey.” The door had slowly swung shut behind you as you made your way over to him.

He shyly smiled at you. “Hi.” Now it was his turn to ask: “Is everything okay?”

You nodded, coming to the edge of the table. “I think we should talk about us.”

“Us?” His heart almost skipped a beat at that. Did you…? 

Oh. You knew. 

“It’s nothing bad,” you had said to him, as if it could put him at ease now. “But…” You rounded the table, throwing one leg over the bench he’d been sitting on. Instead of sitting normally, you chose to straddle it, just so you could fully face him.

So he matched you, throwing one leg out and turning to fully face you. “But?”

“I’m in love with you,” you said, voice wavering ever so slightly now. “And… And you’re in love with me.” You’d begun to drum your knuckles against the wooden bench. “And… And I don’t know why neither of us said anything sooner.”

Jisung stared at you, face growing warmer. His gut instinct was to deny it, to push his feelings away. But Hyunjin’s words rang out in his head: he was tired of seeing his friends hurt. Everyone was now.

“I really wanna be honest with you, so…” You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes for just a moment to center yourself. “Hyunjin thought I was using Felix to get over you, and… I just wanted to say that I promise I wasn’t. I really did like Felix, but…”

“I didn’t think you were,” Jisung’s voice was soft, and he reached for your hands. His fingertips grazed your knuckles before he pulled his hands away. Was touching you, even in such a tiny way, too much? “I knew you liked him.”

You nodded slowly. “Good. Because…” You’d grown flustered, averting your gaze. “I.. didn’t know that it’d always be you until I kissed him.”

That time, the world seemed to stop around him. It’d… always be him? “What?” His fingers curled around the edge of the bench. “I don’t understand. What do you—” 

A moment later, your eyes met his own. “I think I’ve been looking for you in every person I’ve tried dating, and that’s why it’s never worked out.” He’d already begun to melt, but you continued on, “If you didn’t love me back, then I think maybe one day I would have moved on. But… If you don’t, then tell me, and we can pretend this conversation never happened.”

He shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to pretend he didn’t love you. Yet something ached in his chest. Felix. Even now, all he could think about was how Felix would hurt once he knew the two of you were something. “I… I want to,” he said, voice softer now. “But what about Felix?”

“Would you hesitate if Felix didn’t like me?”

He shook his head. Never. He swallowed hard, his emotions building in his chest. He’d dreamed of a day like this for so long, always pining over you night after night. He dreamed of kissing you, warm and tender, and saying all the pretty things that came to mind. And now that you were in front of him, he couldn’t help but glance at your lips again. Not yet. “I…” He paused, just to gather himself together. “I didn’t think you’d love me, you know.”

You frowned at him. “Why not?”

“You’re you,” he said. “And… And I wasn’t sure if you’d ever like me like that. I’ve always known you liked me, but love is… different.” The paint chips from the bench were flaking onto his fingers now, the same shade of red as your sweater. As his, too. “I know Felix is hurting now, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I thought it would, but…”

“I get it.” You nodded slowly. “I… I also kinda thought things would change. But if everyone wants us to be happy, then I think we’re the only people standing in our way.” 

He didn’t want to. Not anymore. Jisung reached forward, this time keeping his hands over your own. “I think we should stop that,” he said, voice growing quieter. His eyes had grown wetter, tears brimming the edges, and reached up to wipe them away. “Sorry—I’m getting emotional.”

“It’s okay.” You scooted forward a little, and Jisung felt his heart begin to race. You were so close he could kiss you. He wanted to kiss you. You reached up, caressing Jisung’s face. He already leaned into your touch, eyes fluttering shut for a moment as he savored the feeling. Your hands were so warm, even now. “I think I’ll always love Felix the way I love the rest of our friends. But… I love you more, Jisung. I know it’s early to say it, but… I really think it’s you.”

He opened his eyes, taking in the way the golden rays of the sun were kissing your face. Was it wrong to be a little jealous? Again, his eyes flickered down to your lips for just a second. “Can I kiss you?”

You said the only word he needed, and he leaned in to close the space between the two of you. His nose had brushed against yours for a moment, already smiling before his lips met your own. Your lips were so soft, and his hands found a home at your waist after a moment. He’d always wondered what kissing you would be like, and now it felt as though he’d finally woken up from the longest dream in his life. His eyes fluttered shut as he lost himself in this moment with you.

He’d heard stories before of what it was like to kiss someone after so much pining, after so many trials in the way. People talked of having their breath stolen from them, or being unable to breathe from how surreal it all seemed to be. Yet when he kissed you, it was as though he could finally breathe again. He had resurfaced after drowning in so much self doubt and fear for far too long, and kissing you was living. Yet he knew that if he was given the choice to drown in you, he would have done it without a second thought. As much as you’d given him life with only a kiss, filling his lungs with air, he’d follow your siren song to the depths of the ocean all too eagerly if it meant he could taste this feeling once more. You ran a hand through his hair, and he was already intoxicated by you, his body yearning for your touch more than ever before. Yet when he pulled away, something had plucked his heartstrings one by one. He let out that broken, stuttered breath that always served as a precursor for him crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gazed at you, trying to commit every part of this moment to memory. 

“Jisung?” You were concerned for him even after kissing him, and he wanted to laugh. To cry. To kiss you again. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, his hands finding your own all too easily. “I love you, too.” He’d always love you. Whatever part of his heart you had, it was yours to keep regardless of where this went. “I think it’s you for me, too.” 

By the time the two of you had made it back inside, the sun had set, and Jisung had held onto your hand tightly the entire way to his apartment. He’d given up his bed for you in the past already, he’d happily do it again to make sure you had a proper night of sleep. Maybe one day he would fall asleep next to you and memorize every line and blemish on your face, but not tonight. Kissing you and saying those three little words he’d always wanted to hear you say was plenty for one day. Yet he’d kissed you one last time as he left you at his bedroom door, just to kiss you goodnight.

“Jisung?” You’d called to him as he made his way to the couch, and he’d turned to face you one more time. “Dream of me.”

Oh. Oh. His heart had skipped a beat yet again at you. This was his new reality, wasn’t it? He found himself smiling at you, that same shy, pretty smile you’d later tell him you always wanted to kiss. He’d dream of you every night if it meant he could wake up to you, too. Tonight would be the end of strife and stress and strain from not telling you how he felt. Now he had to make up for so much lost time.

And if that meant that, starting tomorrow, he would tell you exactly what you meant to him, then he’d do it. That was what you deserved, after all, and what he did, too.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny @jinnie-ret @cheesemonky

#wooahaes.fic #skz imagines #han jisung x reader #han jisung x you #stray kids angst #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #skz x you #stray kids imagine #skz fics #stray kids fics #han x reader #han x you #skz angst

[casterousaudrey]

Healing Touch

Word Count: 2k

Pairing: Astarion/Cleric!Tav!reader

Theme: tooth rotting fluff, some religious themes due to reader being a cleric.

Note: I think I made the reader and Astarion too obsessed with each other.. but in a good way!! Also this was inspired by the time I gave offerings in the stromshore tabernacle and I just see the 'Astarion disapproves', what the flip man! Sorry to those who were waiting for this, It took a while because of my busy sched!

"I’m never going to accept any kind of healing that doesn't end with a kiss after"

Fighting with Astarion never escalated far. It was usually just small jabs at each other or teasing gone too far but then there are times like these when neither one of you would back down it just kept making the fight more heated.

"I bring you once. One time to the stormshore tabernacle, and you can't even hold your tongue when I'm trying to commune with my God!"

"I just thought that you weren't the type to bow down to anyone, my dear."

"I'm a cleric, Astarion! Yes, I'm a devoted worshiper to my God and they give me strength! Apparently, strength I need to deal with you!" 

Astarion sneers and crosses his arms at you. Worshipping another being doesn't exactly sit well with him, he feels that it controls you and makes you too dependent on them. It was probably due to how Cazador treated him but in his mind, any being asking for worship was self-admiring.

"You have your own strength, darling. So pardon me if I don't think you need some God for that."

"It's not that I don't trust my skills, Astarion. I worship my God because I choose to. Was it too much of me to ask my lover to respect that holy place? If not for the Gods then at least for me!"

At this point, you were screaming your lungs out not caring that the others in camp were glancing at the commotion. This wasn't the first Astarion had expressed his distaste for your faith, it never escalated this far because you tried to understand his situation with Cazador and all. But the constant disapproving stare and look of disgust, whenever you would pray to your God or gather some offerings to bring to the stormshore Tabernacle slowly, got to you.

After all the times you saved him from life-threatening wounds, you thought that maybe he'd warm up to your faith- but he remained unshaken. 

"I'm going to take a walk... It's better if you don't follow me for now....., dearest" Your heart jumps a little at the nickname but then anger eventually pops your lovesick bubble. Astarion gets up and leaves camp, his definition of laying off steam was to walk through the woods and terrorize whatever animal crosses his path. You were about to say something about how you were the one who was supposed to storm off but instead, you held your tongue and went back to your tent making sure to close the opening. 

You loved Astarion- and there is no doubt in your heart that he loves you too, but you didn't want to have to choose between faith and love because you believed that they are the main pillars that keep your spirit strong.

~~~

As Astarion was walking through the woods he reminisced about the argument you both had, he couldn't understand why anyone would worship a being without being sure that they'd get a reward in return. The only thing close to God he had in his life was Cazador- oh and how much he wanted to rip his face apart.

Astarion ponders all of this unaware he is dangerously close to enemy territory and suddenly senses another presence- maybe four around the trees. "If you're going to spy on me all day at least make it less obvious" Just then two goblins jump down from the tree, their weapons craving for blood. 

"Hells, there must be quite a bounty on my head" Astarion smiles as he brings his weapons out. He strikes at the first goblin. "You fiends are making this stress reliever way easier for me. I can do this all day!" Astarion did occasionally love the thrill of the hunt, especially when he gets something in return. A thought comes across his mind that he feels rather... alone in this fight, although he could handle this on his own he couldn't help but crave your helping hand and your smile that shines when he saves you from danger. 

Unfortunately, Astarion didn't realize how distracted he was until one of the goblins blew a horn, a signal for backup.

 "Well, shit.."

Astarion killed the first two goblins but he sees backup quickly replacing them. The grip on his dagger tightened, this was supposed to be a nice relaxing walk to calm down or even hunt for other creatures. He guesses that trouble always did find a way to follow him. 

The goblins fall one by one but not after Astarion gets injured by their bows, axes, and maces. As the last goblin loses, Astarion clutches his side. He was hurt and it's been so long since he's felt hurt in combat, his mind jumps again to your hands that always healed him at an instant or your ability to heal the entire team within seconds. God, he really missed you- he didn't even feel angry anymore, he just wanted to be in your arms as you kiss every part of his injuries after you healed it. 

Just then he hears a footstep, and he groans in annoyance, more of this and he'd actually collapse- either from his injuries or his need to hold you again, he isn't sure. 

"Look if you're looking for gold, you're out of luck..."

"Oh Gods.. what happened?"

He quickly glances to his side where the figure had approached from where he was sitting. Astarion half expected it to be you, The thought of you running after him made him smile but then it quickly disappeared when he realized the fact that the female human in front of him may be a cleric but it wasn't his beloved cleric.

"We should get you back to the church! They'll help heal your wounds!"

"As kind as your offer is, I'm afraid I have to decline. I can't these injuries for myse-" Just as Astarion tries to stand up, he feels pain in his side. He now just felt annoyed that he was displaying this kind of weakness to some stranger.

"Nonsense! I'll help bring you there!" The cleric smiles as she wraps Astarions arm across her shoulder. Astarion couldn't protest as much because of his condition but he'd be damned if he'll let himself get healed by some cleric.

~~~

The sun was about to set and Astarion still hadn't come back to camp. You were getting worried, you weren't even mad at him anymore you just wanted him safe and back in your arms. You really did fall hard for this man. 

"Hey soldier... are you okay?" Karlach has seen you pacing back and forth all over camp, fiddling your weapon nervously, and even stress-eating your favorite sweets. 

"Yeah, sorry if I'm being all jittery today it's just.."

"Astarion, yeah I know how much you care about each other. I'm sure he'll come back safe!"

"Thank you, Karlach. You're the best" 

You softly smile at her as she waves and walks back to her tent. Just then you hear Gale laughing walking towards you, he just came back from town to fetch new ingredients for tonight's meal. He always loved cooking for the group.

"Ok you won't believe what happened"

"Spit it out, Gale. What's gotten into you?"

"Ok, so I was walking around the city and I stopped by the church. Guess who I saw there sneering at every cleric on-site..."

"No..."

"Astarion! Gods, if you saw the furrowed brows of the clerics trying to help him you'd laugh too"

"He's hurt?!"

"Not badly, I came to tell you about it. Figured the only cleric he'd let touch him was you"

You started to flush but quickly remembered that your partner was hurt. "Oh Gods, I need to go there Gale before he loses his mind. We'll be back for dinner!" You grabbed a few of your belongings, as well as some healing ingredients, and sprinted out. You wave quickly at the others before reaching the path to the church.

You have no idea why you were nervous to see Astarion, you see each other every day and sometimes even every night. You were scared if you got there and he was still mad at you. You push those thoughts away because all you wanted was to see and help him (maybe to also give him a little smooch but you won't tell him that).

As you open the door you hear the clatter of equipment being thrown to the ground, You greet the other people you know at church as you hear another glass breaking. You already know who would be acting hysterical in a church so you followed the sound and opened the door to reveal your one and only lover sitting up on a bed and a cleric who had been trying to help him.

"Oh sorry ma'am but this section is strictly forbidden to outsiders"

"It's ok I'm a cleric, and he's my husband"

"Oh well... if that's the case I can hand his case to you!"

The female cleric quickly picked up her equipment and left the room, she seemed a little too eager to finally leave. You turn to face Astarion whose eyes are already on you, his lips curled to a smile- at least you know he isn't mad.

"Husband? You could at least take me out for dinner first, darling"

"Oh hush, that was one of the only peaceful to get her to leave us alone"

The other beds in the room were surprisingly empty, leaving the both of you alone. You walked towards his bed as you set your bag on the side table. You place yourself in between his legs as you softly caress his face with your hands.

"How's my favorite vampire doing"

"Better now that you're here.... look darling, I just wanted to apologize for my actions earlier. It was completely uncalled for. The closest thing to a God I knew was Cazador... you saw firsthand how much I hate the beast.. but I also understand that it wasn't like that for you, I can live with you being faithful to a God and it also makes you kind, sometimes too kind"

"Too kind, eh? Maybe I should just leave your injuries unattended then"

"I would appreciate it if you won't"

You laugh softly at him as you place a kiss on his lips and at his lashes. You've always loved his eyes and how easily you could get lost in them. Astarions hands were on your waist as you lifted his shirt to finally tend to his wounds.

"I'm also sorry for screaming at you. Wasn't very kind of me to do... but also you were an ass"

"What an apology, my dear"

"Only the best for you"

Still in his hold, you grab a few medicines in your bag and quickly healed him with your magic. In no time Astarion was all healed, all that was left was to clean his bloodied clothing. You loved times like this- intimate and calm, You thank your God for the power to help him because he does get into trouble quite often.

"And there, you're all set. We can go back to camp now if you want"

"It still hurts right here, love" 

You glanced at where his fingers were pointing only for it to be pointed at his lips. "Want me to kiss it better?"

"I wouldn't want nothing more, my sweet"

You chuckle as you kiss him on his lips. Even before you got together he always had this flirtatious attitude, you could argue that it only became more frequent when you got together. Always the charmer.

"Now let's go home before the others get worried" He released his hold on your hips as he stood up and stretched a bit. "Anything you say, darling"

"Why didn't you want to get healed by the other clerics?"

"Oh well they aren't as attractive, strong, smart, and quick-witted as you.... besides"

Astarion turns to you holding both of your hands in his as you look him in the eye. 

"You're my one and only cleric. I’m never going to accept any kind of healing that doesn't end with a kiss after"

"You could ask Shadowheart next time"

"Ughh don't even get me started, I was trying to be romantic..."

Taglist: @severusminerva, @sarahskywalker-amadala, @ghostinvenus, @veethewriter. Hope you guys enjoyed this!! xoxo

#astarion x reader #astarion x you #astarion #astarion x mc #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 #bg3 tav #baldurs gate iii #astarion x tav

[butterfly-lies-chase-them-away]

Office Hours/Bells is lowkey becoming one of my comfort fics, I love the lore and that they come from a kind of friendship that makes the whole fucked-up-ness of their situation less apparent xd Is there any chance you're considering writing another part? 👀

Also, your writing style is very impressive to me, I love how you go into detail when describing Y/n's feelings and thoughts and I like your vocabulary :3

Office Hours/Bells - Jonathan Crane x Fem!Reader (Part 3)

Pairing: Professor!Jonathan Crane x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 10 329

Warnings: SMUT (public/car sex, fingering, masturbation, overstimulation, p in v, spanking, cunnilingus, dry humping, thigh humping, slight bimbofication), Obsessive behaviour, Professor x Student

Summary: Life had gone back to normal for Y/n now, back at uni and free to live, but she stayed with Jonathan. Then Jonathan starts getting needy and one thing leads to another.

A/N: I had no intentions of writing another part to this but I had to after this ask, thank you so much for sending me this anon 💚 I love hearing from you lot and I really appreciate it :) I'm glad to write someones comfort fic, it means the world to me.

I made Jonathan not only a horny bastard, but also a teasing bastard cause he's an asshat.

I also brought Edward back cause Y/n needs friends! I hope you enjoy 💚

(Part 1) (Part 2)

-

Y/n’s life seemed to have seamlessly returned to its familiar rhythm. University occupied her days and she was granted her freedom to leave whenever she wished. Returning to university proved surprisingly seamless. Explaining her abrupt absence required minimal effort, considering the shitty environment of Gotham. In a city with its own set of pressing concerns, the university showed little interest in the temporary disappearance of a single student. Some of her peers questioned her abrupt absence, but she told them it was family matters which made them drop the topic immediately. Her once-close friends, though accepting her explanation, gradually drifted away due to the lack of communication. She understood their perspective, yet the tethering force of circumstance made rekindling those connections a challenge. Nonetheless, in her newfound relationship with Jonathan, those fading ties held little consequence.

Jonathan had become the focal point of her existence, a gravitational force that commanded her thoughts every second of each living moment. Love enveloped her heart, and every morning, she revelled in waking up next to him, ensuring each time he left was accompanied by a heartfelt goodbye. She made sure he woke her up before he departed at ungodly hours just to say goodbye.

Yet, the intensity of her emotions caused many problems. Times when Jonathan would leave without waking her up, she’d frantically dial his phone, calling a hundred times if she had to, only to unleash her frustration over the phone. But Every time, Jonathan responded with unwavering devotion, hastening back to comfort her unrest and lull her back into a peaceful slumber. There were instances when she felt utterly adrift, grappling with the overwhelming weight of existence, succumbing to panic attacks that left her incapacitated. In those vulnerable moments, he would return to a dishevelled scene, a testament to the chaos that was caused by his absence.

Aware that her obsession was a result of his actions, he acknowledged the unhealthy dynamic but he honestly couldn’t care less. Rather than recoiling, he found a peculiar allure in her obsession. Initially motivated by a desire for her well-being, his aspirations shifted over time. Now, he craved her presence unapologetically, indifferent to the means employed to secure it. What once began as a pursuit of what was best for Y/n transformed into an unbridled desire to possess her, regardless of the cost.

-

"Should I go pick up the rest of my stuff from the dorms?" Y/n inquired, setting her book down and directing her gaze toward Jonathan, who was seated at his desk.

He glanced over at her, considering the question. "I suppose that would be wise. I can drop you off at the dorms to gather your things tomorrow if you'd like. I won’t be able to help you get them though, being a professor and all." Jonathan suggested.

"That’s fine, I have a bunch of suitcases to pack my shit in. I'll let my parents know I've moved into a new rental and won't need to pay for the dorms anymore," Y/n confirmed.

Although her belongings at the dorm were not extensive, the prospect of decorating the warehouse with her personal items excited her, transforming it into a space that felt more like home. She looked forward to the opportunity to drag Jonathan to a department store, determined to infuse the place with a proper sense of homeliness, complete with a well-equipped kitchen. The bathroom, too, demanded considerable attention. In its current state, it lacked any built-in features, as they’d only been there for a week.

-

Gathering her belongings proved to be a straightforward task. Y/n efficiently packed everything from her compact dorm room into the waiting suitcases nestled in her closet. The prospect of adorning the warehouse with her personal items filled her with excitement. Down the elevator and into Jonathan's car parked outside, she loaded her possessions before promptly returning the key to the front desk.

Back at the warehouse, she eagerly unpacked her bag. Carefully laying out her blankets on the bed, the necessity of being well-prepared for the harsh Gotham winters. Finally having a place for the essential home items collected over the years, like plates and cutlery, added a comforting touch to her new living space.

"You've got quite the haul," Jonathan remarked, observing Y/n pull out an abundance of items.

Raising an eyebrow, Y/n questioned, "You don't like my mugs?" She held up a pair of cat-themed mugs that she had just grabbed from her suitcase.

Jonathan chuckled, "I just didn't expect someone who lived at the dorm to have such an array of things."

"Well, I bought them so that when I was ready, I'd already have everything to fill a house," Y/n explained.

Jonathan arched an eyebrow, "Then it must disappoint you that this is barely a house."

"Nonsense. It means I get to choose how this place is decorated," Y/n retorted with a smirk, asserting her enthusiasm for transforming their living space.

"Oh, really? What's your vision then?" Jonathan inquired, intrigued by Y/n's plans.

Leaning against the modest kitchen, Y/n surveyed their current setup. "Well, I'm not entirely certain about the kitchen yet, but it's going to be a vast improvement from what we have now," she asserted, gesturing towards the pitiful kitchen space, barely accommodating a mini fridge with a microwave above and a small countertop.

"And as for the bathroom, gunmetal grey, I think. Nice tiles, too," Y/n envisioned.

Jonathan raised an eyebrow, a practical concern surfacing. "You do understand we can't have people coming in here to do that work, right?" he pointed out, as this place held all his illegal equipment.

"I know. I can do it myself," Y/n confidently replied.

Surprised, Jonathan questioned, "You know how to tile?"

"Yeah, my mum and dad used to do up houses together. I've got some handiness skills, don't worry," Y/n assured, her tone reflecting both competence and determination. “But besides..that’s a job for another day.”

Jonathan hadn't imagined such a skill from Y/n, but he found himself appreciating the prospect of someone finally transforming their warehouse into something more inviting. As Y/n carried on with her unpacking, the idea of a visually improved environment began to take root.

-

Y/n dedicated the majority of her class time to envisioning and designing the ideal kitchen and bathroom for the warehouse. Having already grasped the lesson from Jonathan a week ago in private, most of the material seemed redundant. Jonathan, aware of her tendency to zone out, didn’t mind much. He’d never call her out in lectures like the other students.

Armed with her sketches and ideas, Y/n meticulously outlined the placement of kitchen cabinets and various items in her notebook. She opted against structural changes, acknowledging her lack of confidence in altering the layout of walls.

From his desk at the front, Jonathan observed her from a distance. Even at that distance, he could discern a glint in her eyes as she immersed herself in the creative process. His gaze remained captivated by her presence. The subtle way she bit her lip in deep thought, coupled with her choice to sit at the front, afforded him a clear view of her legs beneath the desk. Legs crossed, bare, and accentuated by the skirt she had chosen to wear that day, further held his attention.

Jonathan had always perceived her in a clean, innocent way–until today. Now, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was a dirty old man. Though she wasn't doing anything remotely sexual, he still felt ashamed of himself. To make matters worse, he couldn't tell whether he'd manage to restrain his impulses once alone with her.

-

The lecture concluded, and Y/n patiently waited for the room to clear before slipping into Jonathan's office.

"I've got some home plans!" Y/n announced, waving her paper triumphantly as she approached him.

Rounding the side of his desk, she brought a chair with her and settled next to him. Leaning in, she shuffled closer, spreading out her papers and indicating the above-view image of the warehouse's floor plan.

"I was thinking we could shift the kitchen over here, away from the bathroom. I mean, having no space between the two rooms is kind of gross, don't you think?" Y/n explained, pointing at the image with her pen.

Jonathan tried to focus on her words, but her proximity, especially the enticing warmth of her thigh against his own, distracted him.

"We can relocate the living space here, and it would be a better setup than what we have now. As we settle in, maybe we could add some walls, but honestly, I'm not confident in my skill set for that right now, so tha—" Y/n abruptly halted her explanation, catching Jonathan's lingering gaze.

"Why are you staring at me?" she inquired, noticing his distraction.

Jonathan, unable to resist, admitted, "Sorry, my Dear," before capturing her lips in a surprisingly passionate kiss, letting actions convey what words couldn't.

She emitted a soft squeak in response to the unexpected kiss, attributing it to Jonathan's attempt to express affection. Detecting an unusual tension in him that day, she decided to let it slide. "It's fine, just don't complain when the warehouse looks weird," she quipped with a playful note.

Y/n rose from the chair and settled onto the couch. However, the lingering trace of her scent and the warmth from her body seemed to cling to him, leaving an indelible impression long after she had moved away.

-

They arrived back at his hideout later in the night, and Jonathan couldn't shake off the feeling that he was a dirty pervert. All he wanted was Y/n's body all over him, a thought that clashed violently with his normally dispassionate nature. Even when he was a teenager, he never had romantic thoughts about anyone, much less lustful ones. But in his defense, his school was full of assholes and his grandmother would beat the lust out of him. But now, with Y/n in the picture, he couldn't help but feel like he was losing control.

Jonathan had promised Y/n that they would sit on the couch together and watch a movie tonight. She was bouncing with excitement, already making microwave popcorn for the movie. When she jumped onto the couch beside him, Jonathan couldn't help but feel his heart pounding in his chest. He tried to focus on the screen, but all he could see was Y/n's warm, inviting body next to him. Jonathan could feel all the blood rush to his dick, making it twitch painfully under his jeans. Thankfully, Y/n kept a blanket on the couch so he could cover up and pretend that nothing was wrong.

Y/n laid her head on Jonathan's shoulder while he sat awkwardly straight. She thought nothing of his usual stiffness, and for once, he was glad for his natural awkwardness. He could feel her warm breath on his neck, and the gentle rise and fall of her chest against his own. He tried to focus on the movie, but all he could think about was the soft curves of her body. He couldn't help but feel a wave of desire wash over him as he fought to keep his hands to himself.

While Y/n was enjoying The Spongebob Squarepants Movie, Jonathan was stuck in a battle with his own thoughts. All he could think about was how he wanted to hear Y/n moan and scream beneath him as he rammed his dick into her. He tried to keep his cool, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was losing control.

Jonathan let his eyes drift from the flashy colors of the screen to Y/n. He couldn't help but notice the way her leg was thrusted out from under the blanket, her loose shorts revealing the soft, warm flesh of her thigh. 

All he could think about was how he wanted to bury his face between Y/n's thighs and eat her out while her legs squeezed his head. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and he couldn't help but imagine the way her body would shudder with pleasure as he brought her to orgasm.

Poor Y/n wanted to have a sweet moment together, but Jonathan's thoughts were ruining it for him. Y/n had no idea of the battle that raged within him, the way he wanted to throw her down onto the couch and rut her like a dog in heat. He knew he had to keep it together if he didn't want to ruin this precious moment with Y/n.

He remained blissfully unaware that the film had ended until the closing credits began rolling, accompanied by the familiar tune of "Ocean Man." Y/n sat up, stretching, and inadvertently causing her shirt to ride up a little.

"I love that movie," she expressed, glancing down at Jonathan, who remained seated, seemingly reluctant to move.

"Come on, time for bed," Y/n insisted, seizing Jonathan's hand and coaxing him off the couch.

As she switched off the TV and put the empty popcorn bowl away, Jonathan stood there, taking a moment to readjust his pants, ensuring they wouldn't expose him. The both of them climbed up the stairs and hopped in the bed. 

"Goodnight," Y/n murmured, leaving a tender kiss on Jonathan's cheek before rolling over.

"Sleep came easily for Y/n, but for Jonathan, it was a different story. He lay awake with his hard dick pressed against his pants, thinking he couldn’t possibly be as horny in the morning as he was now, right? Oh boy, was he wrong.

-

For the next week, Jonathan felt like a perverted bastard. Every time he saw Y/n, he could feel his dick pulse in his pants. When he took her to the department store to look at cabinets and countertops, he couldn't help but imagine the way her body would shudder with pleasure as he fucked her over each one of them. How cute she’d look laying over the counters, moaning and squealing in pleasure as Jonathan fucked her. 

The two successfully purchased a nice set of countertops without Jonathan succumbing to his usual impulses. To maintain a low profile, Jonathan opted to rent a trailer for transporting the counters, avoiding the attention that delivery might attract. With the countertops secured, Y/n wasted no time and dove into the task of installing them in her designated kitchen space. Jonathan helped in rearranging everything, providing a helping hand as Y/n drilled the countertops into their designated spots.

Y/n was on the ground, drilling the indie shlefs of the lower cabinets. Jonathan walked up behind her and stood there. Y/n was wearing baggy pair of pajama shorts and he couldn’t look away from her ass. He wanted to grab her hips and force his dick inside of her like some shitty porno. Y/n noticed Jonathan standing behind her and looked back. 

"Everything okay, Jonathan?" Y/n inquired, her concern evident in her voice.

Jonathan inhaled sharply before walking away. He hoped Y/n hadn't seen his raging bulge in his pants. Y/n had begun noticing his strange behavior. If he wasn't strange before, he sure was now. She couldn't understand why he was like this. She tried to focus on their task, but all she could think about was the way his eyes had lingered on her body just a moment too long. Could he be thinking of some kind of twisted experiment like he does to his other victims. She couldn't help but feel a wave of unease wash over her as she wondered what was going on inside his head.

-

Y/n reclined on Jonathan's office couch, casually flipped through bathroom catalogues. As he watched her from behind the desk, Jonathan couldn't help but admire her stunning presence. Flipping through the pages with a smile, Y/n eventually stood up and approached Jonathan, holding a particular page out for him to look at.

"What do you think?" she inquired, presenting the page before him.

Yet, Jonathan found his gaze fixed on Y/n's face rather than the catalog. A face he looked at countless times daily, yet it still retained its irresistible allure, maintaining an enduring power over him. And these past couple weeks, everything about her he admire suddenly brought blood rushing to his dick.

Y/n's smile waned as silence met her question. "Jonathan?"

Before she could react, he swiftly cupped her face in his hands and pulled her into a kiss, leaving her momentarily breathless. She would have gasped if his mouth hadn't enveloped hers. When he finally pulled back, he held her gaze.

"Jonat—" she began, only to be abruptly cut off.

With a forceful motion, Jonathan cleared his books from the table, then effortlessly picked Y/n up from the ground, dropping her onto the tabletop. She squealed in surprise as he stood, the chair screeching against the floor, and loomed over her.

Y/n's heart raced as she realized Jonathan's true intentions. He brought his lips back down onto hers, kissing her with a fiery passion she'd never seen before. He pressed himself up against her, and she could feel his hard member pressing into her. It all made sense to her now. Jonathan was just really horny. All she could think about was the way his kisses made her body tingle with excitement.

She kissed him back, her fingers tangling in his hair. He groaned at her delicate touch and brought his lips down her face, leaving a trail of kisses on her jaw. He sucked and bit at her jaw and neck, leaving marks that would turn into bruises later. His hands glided down the sides of her body, gripping her plush thighs that he had been admiring for the past couple weeks. His rough fingers felt like heaven against her soft skin.

Jonathan subconsciously began grinding his hips into Y/n, and she let out a moan that echoed through the room. Y/n let her hands drag down Jonathan's body, making their way down to his pants, and that's when Jonathan realized what they were doing and where they were. He pulled away from her, but she couldn't help but feel a wave of disappointment wash over her.

"We can't, Y/n," Jonathan said, standing up.

"What!? Why not?" Y/n questioned, sitting up from the table, a frown creasing her forehead.

"I'm not going to fuck you for the first time on a desk in my office," Jonathan said.

"Then why don't you make love to me on your desk in your office?" Y/n teased, playfully dragging her foot up the inside of his leg.

Jonathan raised an eyebrow in response, and Y/n, with an eye roll, conceded, "Fine."

Jonathan assisted her off the desk and took a moment to brush her hair, ensuring she looked presentable. "Come on, let's go home," he suggested.

"Fine, but the second we get through that door, your dick is all mine," Y/n playfully declared.

-

Y/n practically sprinted to the car in the parking lot, surprising Jonathan with her infectious enthusiasm. Once both of them were inside the car, Y/n quickly slid into the middle seat and peppered the side of Jonathan's face with kisses. A warmth spread through Jonathan's neck beneath his collar, caught off guard by Y/n’s affection.

He pulled out onto the road and Y/n was still at his side, her finger drawing pattern on his thigh, her touch like a feather that ignited a flame within him. “You keep this up and I might crash.” Jonathan said, his voice shaking with desire.

She chuckled a little, her tongue darting out to lick the side of his neck while her hand began to wander, tracing patterns on his chest with her tight grip, sending tingles down to his core. Y/n dragged her finger down to his hard member through his pants and squeezed it suddenly, causing Jonathan nearly to swerve off the road. It was a moment of intoxicating desire that he could not control.

"Fuck, Y/n. Are you trying to get punished?" Jonathan inquired.

"Maybe..." Y/n replied with a sly grin.

Jonathan gently removed her hand from his crotch. "Not while I'm driving," he asserted.

"Can you at least play with me then?" Y/n pleaded, pouting.

He sighed, "Lie down," he commanded.

Y/n was caught up in the heat of the moment, her body craving Jonathan's touch. She felt pleasure rush to her core and quickly laid down on her back, her head on Jonathan’s thigh. Jonathan, with his eyes still on the road, brought his hand down Y/n’s body and grasped her thighs. He pulled it back, one of her legs now in the air.

“You naughty fucking girl.” He said, giving her ass a hard slap. “Can’t wait till we're home.” 

She squealed before giggling. “I’m sorry, Professor, I just want you so bad!” Y/n said, her words catching in her throat.

He brought his hand to her core and rubbed her through her shorts. She hummed and grabbed a hold of Jonathan’s arm, her fingers digging into his skin. She started grinding up against it, trying to get more friction, her breath coming in short gasps.

Y/n's body was on fire as she felt Jonathan's hand slide down her pants and into her underwear. She bit her lip and moaned, her hips bucking against his touch. She felt his fingers graze her clit, sending a jolt of electricity straight to her core. He could feel her wetness through her underwear, his fingers slipping and sliding against her. Jonathan did his best to stay focused on the road, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

He couldn't resist the temptation any longer. He pulled over to the side of the road, his eyes locked on Y/n's. 

“What are you doing?” Y/n asked, her eyes wide with anticipation.

“Come here,” Jonathan said, pulling her right up against his chest.

He could feel her heart racing against his own. He pushed her shorts down her legs and opened her back up, his fingers dipping between her wet pussy lips. She let out a moan, her hips bucking against his touch. His other hand pushed her hair out of the way, giving her neck a passionate kiss. She let out a moan, her body arching into his touch. 

“You’re so desperate for my touch, my Dear,” Jonathan said.

He rubbed his finger in circles at her entrance, teasing her and driving her wild. “Yeah, but you’re the one who pulled over to finger me, Dr. Crane..” Y/n giggled, her voice breathy with desire.

He grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him, his eyes burning into hers. “Keep up that attitude and you won’t be cumming for a week.”

She let out a gasp, her body shivering at his words. “Sorry, Dr. Crane, I’ll be good..” she said, her voice trembling.

“Good girl,” he said, his eyes softening as he kissed the top of her head. He plunged his finger into her, filling her up with his touch.

He pumped his fingers into her hole, her body clenching and unclenching around his touch. The sloppy noises filled the car, her moans and gasps echoing off the walls of the car. The scent of her sex filled the air, making his head swim with desire. He gripped her hips tightly, his fingers digging into her skin as he pumped in and out of her.

“Tonight, I’m going to make you come, over and over again. You hear me?” Jonathan spoke, right up against her ear.

Y/n nodded, her eyes wide with anticipation. Her walls began throbbing around him, her body shivering with desire.

“Are you gonna cum on my fingers, my Dear?” Jonathan asked.

“Mhmm, Professor, I’m so close!” Y/n whined, her voice breathy with excitement.

He rubbed her in circles, his thumb rubbing against her clit, driving her wild. Her breath picked up as Jonathan continued to pump his fingers inside of her and flick her clit. She gripped his arm tighter, her body shivering with anticipation. He rubbed her in circles, his thumb rubbing against her clit, driving her wild. She let out a moan, her body arching into his touch.

It was a moment of intense pleasure that they couldn't resist. She came hard, her body shuddering with the force of her orgasm. Her pussy clenched and unclenched around his touch, the wetness of her sex filling the air. He could feel the heat of her body, the passion of their moment bursting forth in a explosion of desire. It was a moment of intense desire that left them both breathless.

Jonathan pressed a kiss on her temple. “Let’s go home, my Dear.” Jonathan said, his voice sweet.

He pulled his fingers out of her, a string of her slick stuck to them. He brought them to his lips and sucked her sweet essence off of his fingers. Y/n let out a gasp, her body shivering with excitement.

Just as Y/n was about to sit back up, Jonathan held her back, keeping her anchored against him. Her body swelled with love at this little gesture. She laid back against him, her head resting on his chest. She could clearly see his hard member sitting in his pants, but she knew she couldn't touch it while he was driving. The drive back never felt longer. 

-

Getting through the warehouse door, Y/n pounced on Jonathan, kissing him deeply. Her breath picked up as he lifted her off the ground, her body shivering with anticipation. He made his way up the stairs to the bed, dropping her down on it. She gripped the sheets in her fists, her body swelling with desire.

He climbed on top of her, his lips pressing against hers. He moved his kisses to her neck, suckling at the tender skin. She gripped his hair, her body arching into his touch. He thrust his hips against hers, the heat of his body pressing against her. She could feel the hardness of his cock in his pants, the tip pressing against her cunt. She tightened her legs around his hips, pulling him down on her. He groaned, his lips pressing against hers.

 “This is what you wanted?” Jonathan said, seductively.

“Mhmm,” Y/n hummed, her lips biting together.

He bit her neck hard, her body shuddering with excitement. “Say it,” he commanded.

“Yes, Dr. Crane!” Y/n cried, her body arching into his touch.

He smirked, his lips pressing against hers. He continued to grind down on her, the heat of his body pressing against her. She let out a gasp as he ripped her shorts down her legs. 

“Don't think I haven't forgotten about that punishment,” he said.

Jonathan left a hard slap on Y/n's ass, the sting of it burning against her skin. She let out a gasp, her body shuddering with excitement. He rubbed the spot where he had hit her, his thumb rubbing against her skin.

Jonathan grabbed her hips, pulling her up, so her ass was in the air. He spread her legs and gave her ass another slap. 

“Letting your Professor finger you in the car, naughty little girl,” Jonathan said. A hard slap came down on her ass before thrust his fingers into her pussy, the heat of his touch sending shivers down her spine. 

“Playing with your little cunt sounds a lot worse to me, Professor,” Y/n teased.

Another slap came down on her ass, “You calling me a dirty pervert?” Jonathan asked.

“I may be..” she smirked.

“Yeah? So I'm a dirty pervert and you're a naive little girl,” he said, his voice low and rough. He planted a kiss down on her red ass cheek.

Jonathan flipped her back over, planting sweet kisses on her lips. Y/n, eager for more, slid her hands to Jonathan's shoulders, working on removing his jacket. However, just as things were about to escalate, Jonathan's work phone rang, his illegal work phone.

The two of them cursed simultaneously. Jonathan sighed and rested his forehead on Y/n’s with his eyes closed. “You have to be fucking kidding me,” Jonathan said.

Jonathan sat back up, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his phone and promptly answered it. Y/n pouted, propping herself up on her elbows as she watched him on the phone. His voice conveyed clear frustration, and the expression on his face mirrored the sentiment. Whatever transpired, it was evident that the situation was far from favorable.

The call ended, and Jonathan's expression turned somber as he dragged his hand down his face. "I have to head down to Arkham, I'm sorry, my Dear," he sighed.

Y/n's face dropped, desperation evident in her eyes. "No! You can't leave me!" she cried.

"I know, Y/n, I'm sorry. I need to deal with this, the Batman's been snooping, and I can't let that happen," Jonathan explained, gently holding Y/n's face in his hands.

"But I need you!" Y/n's eyes welled up with tears.

"Y/n, if the Batman finds out what I'm doing, I won't be coming back to you at all, and you don't want that, do you?" Jonathan said.

She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. Jonathan planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

"I'll be back, don't cry," he reassured her.

She nodded, sniffling. "I'll wait," Y/n declared.

"I know," Jonathan offered a small smile before hopping off the bed and walking down the stairs.

Y/n fought to compose herself, determined not to shed any more tears. Left lying on the bed as Jonathan exited the warehouse, she wiped away the traces of her emotional outburst and mustered the strength to rise. Making her way to the bathroom, she assessed her reflection in the mirror.

Apart from her puffy eyes, her appearance seemed unremarkable, but she desired to present her best self for Jonathan upon his return. Opting for a quick shower and freshening up, she hastily ascended the stairs to select an outfit for the occasion.

She tossed her clothes around in a flurry, searching for something alluring to showcase her body to Jonathan. Unfortunately, it seemed her collection of bras and underwear consisted mainly of plain and mundane options. While she did have a couple of lacy pieces, they lacked the thrilling allure she desired. She let out a sigh, berating herself for not anticipating such a scenario.

Preferring not to be entirely naked upon Jonathan's return, Y/n searched for an outfit that would offer him the pleasure of unwrapping her later. Opting for a nice skirt and shirt combination, she believed Jonathan wouldn't mind. Choosing a short skirt, she hiked it up even higher, pairing it with a small shirt that ended just below her breasts and featured a flattering sweetheart neckline.

Adorned in her chosen attire, Y/n felt she looked absolutely adorable and held onto the hope that Jonathan would think the same. Laying back on the bed, Y/n contemplated the moments she would share with Jonathan upon his return. Despite her efforts to stay awake and be ready for him, she succumbed to exhaustion within an hour.

-

Jonathan wante to kill everyone that fucked up his night with Y/n, he was furious the entire time getting things sorted at Arkham. Hiding his experiments was already a challenging task, and the incompetence of those who worked for him made everything more difficult to an unnecessary degree.

Jonathan raced back to the warehouse, speeding all the way. By the time he arrived, well past 11 o'clock, the faint sound of a radio reached his ears from upstairs. Climbing the stairs, he sighed at the sight of Y/n, peaceful and beautiful, lying on the bed.

Regret gnawed at him for leaving her alone, he should have stayed, leaving the complications at Arkham for someone else to handle.

Noticing her changed clothes, he smiled. She lay on her stomach, her skirt revealing a hint of her tempting silhouette. Chuckling softly, he joined her on the bed, sitting beside her. As he stroked her hair, he could tell she was deeply asleep.

Jonathan planted a gentle kiss on her head before undressing and changing into pajamas. Slipping into bed beside her, he tucked her in, sharing the warmth of the covers.

-

Y/n awoke to find Jonathan's arm draped over her waist. Uncertain about the moment she fell asleep or when he returned home, a hint of disappointment lingered that they never ended up having sex last night. Nevertheless, the joy of his return outweighed any regrets.

She leaned over to plant a kiss on his lips before gracefully rising from the bed. Jonathan stirred as the bed shifted with her movements, and he watched as Y/n stretched her arms upward and twisted from side to side. Chuckling at the sight of her, with her enticing figure partially exposed, Jonathan's amusement prompted Y/n to turn around and catch his gaze.

"You're up?" Y/n smiled, breaking the quiet morning.

“It would appear that way, my Dear,” Jonathan replied.

Y/n leaned over, giving Jonathan another kiss, and this time, he reciprocated as he was awake this time. Jonathan finally sat up, embracing Y/n in his arms. She smiled, and he swayed her gently from side to side.

“So… are you going to make love to me, Dr. Crane?” Y/n asked, her tone teasing.

She stood on her tiptoes, nibbling at his ear seductively. Jonathan chuckled and shook his head.

“Tonight, my Dear,” he said.

Y/n pouted, “I waited all night!”

“I know, but we have to go to university, and I want to take my time with you,” Jonathan explained with a playful smirk.

Y/n huffed and rolled her eyes. "You better!" she said before making her way down the stairs.

Jonathan chuckled, amused by her playful sulking. He got up, readying himself for the day ahead.

-

In the car, Y/n moved closer to Jonathan, reminiscent of the previous day. Her fingers traced patterns on his thigh, but Jonathan intercepted her hand before anything further could happen. Y/n huffed but decided to let it go.

Upon reaching the university, the two settled in Jonathan's office, awaiting the start of the lecture. Y/n occupied the couch, attempting to capture Jonathan's attention the entire time. She gracefully slid down the couch, causing her skirt to hike up, revealing her underwear.

Jonathan was well aware of her intentions. He chuckled a little, maintaining his self-control. Just the day before, he struggled to keep his dick in check, and now he found himself edging her. Though his thoughts were running wild, essentially eye fucking her, he managed to remain composed.

Y/n was driven wild with desire, yearning for Jonathan's touch. She didn't care where he touched her or where he fucked her, all she wanted was him. She pulled her skirt up higher, revealing her clothed sex, and sat with her legs open, giving Jonathan a view of what he was working with. Jonathan didn't hesitate to look, but he made no move to touch her yet.

Y/n sighed, "Don't make me hump the couch."

"Hump the couch and I won't be touching you," Jonathan said.

“So..” Y/n stood up from the couch and straddled his leg. "Can I hump your thigh then?" Y/n asked.

"Fine, but no orgasm," Jonathan said.

Y/n giggled and began rocking her hips back and forth, her breath hitching as she felt the head of his cock brush against her knee through his pants.

Y/n was riding Jonathan's thigh, her hips moving in a steady rhythm. Her dress had ridden up to her waist, revealing the black lace of her only pair of underwear. Her breasts swayed with each movement, her nipples hard and poking through the fabric. She was breathing heavily, her face flushed with excitement. Jonathan watched her, his cock twitching with desire. He could feel the dampness of her sex through the fabric of his pants. He knew he couldn't last much longer.

"Such a sweet girl, you are," Jonathan said, his hands settling on her hips as she rode his thigh.

Her knees continued to brush against his hard erection, and Y/n couldn't help but laugh. "Calm down, don't wanna fog up your glasses," she teased, looking up at him with a mischievous grin.

Jonathan pulled her closer to his chest, her ass jutting out. He delivered a hard smack to her ass, making her gasp. "Watch it," he said, his voice stern.

Y/n looked up at him with a sly grin. "Sorry, Doc," she teased, knowing exactly what she was doing to him.

Y/n continued to ride his thigh, her hips grinding down hard against his touch. She could feel the wetness between her legs, and she knew that he could too. His cock was hard, and she could feel it pressing against her. She bit her lip, trying to hold back the moans that were threatening to escape

Jonathan watched her, his eyes burning with lust. He delivered a swift smack to her ass, making her chuckle and him smrik. Y/n looked up at him, her eyes shining with excitement. 

"Doctor, I think I'm gonna cum," she said, her voice shaking with anticipation.

Y/n was on the edge of orgasm when Jonathan pulled her off of his knee. "I don't think so, Dear," he said firmly.

Her building orgasm vanished, and Y/n was left feeling frustrated and angry. "What the fuck!?" she yelled, her hands balled into fists.

Jonathan looked at her with a stern expression. "I said no orgasm," he reminded her.

Y/n huffed, her chest heaving with anger. "Fine. Then I'll just have to figure out another way to cum," she said, turning away from him.

But Jonathan wasn't done. He swatted her ass hard, making her yelp and turn back around. 

"Don't think for a second that you're in control here," he said.

Y/n was furious. She stood up from her position and stormed over to the couch, crossing her arms.

“No time for sulking, girl, gotta be out in 5...” Jonathan remarked.

She got up from the couch, declaring, “I’m leaving now!”

Y/n stomped out of the office door and headed to her usual seat at the front. She was in for a long lecture.

-

The lecture concluded, and Y/n approached Jonathan, who sported a familiar smirk.

“Ready to head home?” Y/n said.

“For you, yes,” Jonathan replied with a smile.

“What?” Y/n squinted, puzzled.

“I have a meeting, and I've asked Nigma to take you home,” Jonathan explained.

“What, you two are buddies now?” Y/n questioned.

“Doesn't matter what we are; I want you home safe while I'm at my meeting,” Jonathan stated, gathering his belongings.

Y/n sighed, “You better be back before 5, come any later, and I'll be cumming instead,” she teased.

Jonathan chuckled, planting a kiss on her forehead. “He's waiting outside,” he informed her.

Y/n sighed and walked out of the lecture hall and outside. She immediately spotted Edward by his bright lime green car.

“How subtle,” Y/n remarked, approaching the car with its windows down.

“Hello, Y/n. Very nice to see you!” Edward greeted.

Y/n hopped into the passenger seat of the car. “So! Doing favors for Jonathan now?” she asked.

“I owe him... and besides, you're much more fun than that stick in the mud,” Edward replied.

Y/n chuckled as Edward pulled out onto the road.

“I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?” Edward suddenly posed a riddle.

“Seriously?” Y/n raised her eyebrows, looking at Edward. “A map. What am I, five?”

“I see that one was too easy, you'll never get my next one,” Edward said.

Y/n sighed, this was going to be a long ride.

-

Y/n was mentally exhausted. Being horny for the entire day was hard enough but dWe ealing with Edward's annoying riddles during the 20-minute drive had only added to her frustration. Despite that, she found some enjoyment in Edward's company.

“Would you like to come in?” Y/n asked.

Edward raised his eyebrows. “You really want me to?”

“Well, sure... just no more riddles!” Y/n demanded.

“You ask so much of me,” Edward said, hopping out of the car.

Y/n rolled her eyes. “You’ll live.”

They entered the warehouse, and Edward looked around, whistling in appreciation. “I see you’ve done some work around here,” he remarked.

“You like it?” Y/n asked.

“Much better than Jonathan’s old place. He’s never been the decorative type,” Edward said.

As Y/n led Edward Nigma into the warehouse, she offered, "Would you like a cup of coffee?"

Edward's eyes gleamed with interest. "Ah, the elixir of intellectual stimulation. I'd love one, thank you."

She stared at him for a second, judging his choice of words before walking off. Y/n guided him to a makeshift kitchen area where she had set up a coffee maker. She busied herself with the task of brewing coffee while Edward observed her surroundings, his eyes darting from one detail to another.

Handing him a steaming cup, Y/n took a seat across from Edward at a small table. "Sorry that you had to take me home? Well, not really, you paid it all back by tormenting me with riddles on the drive"

Edward grinned, sipping the coffee. "Well, my riddles are a delight, thank you. Jonathan asked me to ensure you get home safely. You're important to him, you know."

Y/n raised an eyebrow. "I guess even Gotham rogues like yourself have a softer side."

Edward chuckled. "You know.. I’m surprised you even stayed."

Y/n maintained her smile, though it held a hint of frustration. "Well... We were friends before everything," she reiterated, trying to explain her perspective.

Edward continued stirring the conversation provocatively. "You sure it's not... Stockholm Syndrome?" he questioned, his finger tracing the rim of his coffee cup.

"No, it's not. He didn't really kidnap me," Y/n replied, laughter accompanied by a hint of stiffness.

Edward pressed further, bringing up the topic of the infamous bells. "Jonathan told me about the bells..."

"That doesn't matter anymore, he took them off. See!" Y/n shook her feet around, emphasizing that they made no sounds.

Edward, persistent in his scepticism, offered a backhanded suggestion. "I'd say you should see a psychiatrist, but I just think you'd find your way back to Jona-"

"Okay, Edward! I get it!" Y/n interjected, her smile tight-lipped, signalling an end to the topic.

Edward chuckled to himself, savouring a sip from his mug, as Y/n subtly redirected the conversation. "So yeah, I did up a nice kitchen and bathroom," she stated.

He observed his surroundings before responding, "Yes, it's a very nice kitchen."

As they continued chatting over coffee, Y/n was able to ignore the throbbing between her thighs for a couple of hours.

-

As the sun began to set, Y/n sat on the couch, her legs crossed and her eyes fixed on the TV screen. She was getting restless. It had been nearly 5 pm now, and Jonathan still hadn't come home. Edward had left a couple of hours ago, leaving Y/n with little to no distractions. 

She had tried to read, but her mind kept wandering. She had taken a long shower, hoping to relieve some of her tension, but it hadn't helped. Y/n had been feeling a sense of desperation building up inside her. It was like her body was craving something that she couldn't get on her own.

She needed Jonathan. She needed him to make her feel complete. But for now, she was left to her own devices. She sighed and leaned back against the couch, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. She needed to relax.

She flipped up her skirt and slipped her fingers down her underwear, touching herself in a way that made her shiver with excitement. Her hands moved slowly and sensually over her body. She moaned softly, feeling her core throbbing with anticipation. She rubbed her pussy in circles, her hips bucking against her touch. Her eyes fluttered close. She needed to cum. She needed it badly.

The TV was blaring, and Y/n was so lost in her own world that she didn't even hear the door open. She was knuckles deep and close to orgasm.

“Well!” a voice from in front of her spoke loudly. She suddenly gasped, opening her eyes and shaking in fright.

It was Jonathan, standing in front of her with a disapproving look on his face.

"You said you had until 5," he said, looking at his wrist watch. "It's only 4:51."

Y/n shook her head, trying to regain her composure. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice shaking. 

Jonathan shook his head, disappointed. "You think you can just do as you please?" he asked, his voice low and menacing.

Y/n shook her head, her eyes wide with fear. "No, no. Of course not," she said, trying to pacify him.

"Looks like you don't want to cum tonight," Jonathan said.

Y/n begged, grabbing onto Jonathan's arm. "No, please!" she said, her voice shaking. Jonathan didn't say anything else.

He just picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. She screamed as he took her up the stairs and dropped her back on the bed.

"What am I going to do with such a naughty patient like you?" he asked, looking down at her. 

"Anything, Doctor," Y/n said, her voice shaking. "Just let me cum."

Jonathan sighed, feeling frustrated. He wanted to punish Y/n and not let her cum, but he could also see that she was desperate too.

"I'll let you cum," he said, "but you listen to me. I'm in charge."

Y/n nodded her head quickly. "Thank you, Dr. Crane," she said, her voice almost breathless.

Jonathan climbed onto the bed, hovering above Y/n. "You're going to cum three times," he said, "with no breaks, okay?"

Y/n nodded her head quickly. "Good," Jonathan said, his tone firm.

He straightened his back, removed his jacket, and rolled up his sleeves. "Move up a bit," he said, gesturing for Y/n to sit back further on the bed.

Y/n moved up, giving Jonathan more room below her. He knelt in front of her, his eyes fixed on her bare pussy.

"You're going to cum," he said, his voice seductive. "And you're going to enjoy every second of it."

Jonathan grabbed Y/n's legs and rested them over his shoulders. He brought his face closer to her pussy, inhaling the scent of her arousal. Y/n's eyes were filled with desperation as she watched him get closer and closer to her wet cunt. Jonathan licked her slowly, taking his time to tease her. He licked up and down her slit, making sure to hit all the right spots. Y/n moaned, her hips bucking against his touch.

His tongue danced around her clit, circling it slowly before dipping down to her entrance. Y/n cried out, arching her back as she felt him eat her out. Jonathan's tongue was magic, teasing and tormenting her. Y/n wriggled underneath him, trying to get closer to his mouth. She needed him to make her cum. Jonathan smiled to himself as he continued to eat her out, his eyes fixed on her pussy. He knew he had her right where he wanted her.

“Fuck, Dr. Crane!” Y/n moaned, gripping Jonathan’s hair.

Jonathan stuck his tongue into Y/n's entrance, pushing it in as far as he could. Y/n let out a sharp gasp, her eyes widening with surprise. He moved his tongue around, making circles and figure-eights inside her. Y/n bucked underneath him, her hips pushing against his face. Jonathan smiled, feeling her walls clench around his tongue.

He was driving her wild, and he knew it. Y/n moaned, her voice thick with arousal. She could feel her orgasm building, and she knew she was going to explode. Jonathan licked her until she could no longer take it. He pulled his tongue out of her, watching as she cried out in frustration. He smiled, knowing he had complete control over her pleasure. Y/n was his to do with as he pleased.

Jonathan withdrew his mouth, adjusting his glasses as he looked up at her. "Enjoying yourself, my pretty patient?" he asked with a smirk.

“Mhmm, yes, Dr. Crane.” Y/n bit her lips, looking down at him.

Jonathan began to finger her, pushing two fingers into her wet pussy. Y/n gasped, her eyes rolling back in her head. He moved his fingers in and out, stretching her walls and driving her wild. Y/n moaned, her hips pushing against his hand. Jonathan smiled, feeling her tighten around his fingers.

He sucked her clit, teasing it with his tongue. Y/n moaned, her hips bucking against his touch. Jonathan's fingers moved in and out of her, hitting all the right spots.

"You're such a desperate girl," Jonathan said.

"Please, Dr. Crane," Y/n said, her voice shaking with excitement.

"I need it." Jonathan smiled, feeling his cock harden at the sound of her voice.

He knew he had her right where he wanted her. "You're going to cum," he said. "And you're going to enjoy every second of it." Jonathan continued to eat her out, his tongue dancing around her pussy.

Y/n moaned, her hips bucking against his touch. "You like that?" he asked, looking up at her. "You like the way I'm making you feel?"

Y/n nodded her head quickly, her eyes fixed on his face. "Yes," she said, her voice thick with arousal. "Please, don't stop."

Y/n's body tensed, her walls clenched around his fingers, and her face contorted in pleasure. Jonathan smiled, feeling her orgasm build. He knew he was driving her wild. Y/n cried out, her body shuddering with pleasure. Her walls pulsed around his fingers, and her cunt spasmed on his tongue. Jonathan continued to eat her out, his tongue moving in circles around her clit. Y/n moaned, her body convulsing at his touch. She rolled her eyes back in her head, feeling the intensity of her orgasm. It was like nothing they had ever experienced before.

Y/n was coming down from her high, her eyes fixed on Jonathan's face. He smiled, knowing she was addicted to his touch. Jonathan's tongue was still on her, lapping up her juices seeping out. She whimpered, pushing his head away lightly.

"No use in that," Jonathan began to unbuckle his pants, his cock already hardening at the sight of her. "I've got all night with you." 

Jonathan pulled his pants down just past his hips, revealing his hard cock to Y/n. She admired it, her eyes fixed on the sight. He stroked it slowly, the dick already slick with her juices from his fingers. Jonathan lifted her legs onto his shoulders, the position she would learn to love. He lined himself up at her entrance, his cock pressing against her wet pussy. He slowly pushed in, watching as Y/n gasped. He smiled, feeling her walls clench around his cock.

Jonathan leaned over top of her, his lips brushing against her ear. "You’re so beautiful?"

Jonathan began thrusting into Y/n, his hips moving in a slow, steady rhythm. His hand roamed up the side of her legs, gripping her ankle. He felt the scars on her ankles and rubbed his thumb over them soothingly. Y/n moaned, her body arching into his touch. She reached up to unbutton his shirt, but he grabbed her wrists and held them above her head.

"I'm in control," he said, his voice firm. "You're mine to do with as I please." Y/n whimpered, her body shuddering with pleasure.

“Sorry, Dr. Crane,” Y/n said, breathlessly.

Jonathan's erection was big and hard, sliding in and out of Y/n's pussy. The feeling of his cock hitting her walls sent shockwaves of pleasure through her body. She could feel every inch of him as he pounded her. The sound of their flesh slapping together filled the room.

Y/n's head fell back and her eyes were closed tightly as she enjoyed the ride. Jonathan's breath was heavy as he groaned, continuing to thrust into her. He'd never felt something more heavenly, he knew he'd be addicted to the feeling of being inside of her. He continued to thrust, hitting the sweet spots inside of her.

In the position she was in, with her legs over his shoulders and arms above her head, Y/n was at Jonathan’s whim completely and she loved it. She felt his every stroke deep inside her, the burn in her pussy building with each thrust. His musky scent filled her nostrils, and she couldn't help but moan in ecstasy as the heat between them grew.

“You're such a good patient, Y/n,” he whispered against her ear, his hot breath making her wetter. Jonathan's words sent shivers down Y/n's spine.

Y/n couldn't help but moan in response, arching her back as his cock hit her sweet spot again and again.

“Oh, fuck,” she gasped, “I'm your patient, Dr. Crane.”

With that, he fucked her harder, taking him deep inside her as she called out his name. Jonathan's thrusts grew harder and faster, his hips pistoning into Y/n's pussy with a force that made her gasp. 

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he growled, his eyes locked on hers.

Y/n's head fell back as she felt the burn in her pussy grow, her breath coming in short gasps. With each thrust, Jonathan's cock hit her sweet spot, sending waves of pleasure coursing through her body. She cried out in ecstasy, her nails digging into her palms as she urged him on.

Y/n felt her second orgasm building, her breath coming in short, heavy gasps. Jonathan's cock was still inside her, his eyes locked on hers as he watched her writhe in pleasure.

“Aww, is my little patient about to cum?” Jonathan mocked.

She had no time to answer when her body began shaking all over again, underneath Jonathan. Wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her, leaving her panting and weak in his arms. Jonathan kept up his pace, his cock hitting her sweet spot with every thrust. Y/n couldn't help but wonder how he was able to hold on for so long without cumming himself.

Y/n felt overstimulated, her senses on overload. Jonathan's cock was still pumping in her, his eyes locked on hers as he watched her writhe in pleasure, Jonathan fucked her harder and faster through her orgasm.

“Doctor, it's too much!” she gasped.

But Jonathan was unmoved. ”I don't care what it is, I'm gonna make you cum two more times,” he growled, his eyes locked on hers.

“B-but I've already cum twice! You said three!” Y/n cried. 

“I changed my mind,” Jonathan replied, his voice low and sultry.

Y/n knew that if she said stop, he'd listen immediately. But she loved the idea that Jonathan was doing this all by force, his cock buried deep inside her as he pounded into her.

Jonathan suddenly flipped her over, Y/n lying on her stomach. Jonathan hovered above her from behind, lining himself up before pushing inside of her again. His body weight above her kept her in place, giving her nowhere to move.

Y/n felt the heat of his breath against her neck as he growled, "You're mine," into her ear. 

She couldn't help but shiver, feeling so desired and taken. As he pounded into her, Y/n couldn't help but cry out in pleasure and overstimulation, her body responding to his every move. The pallets holding the bed up slammed against the floor, the sound echoing through the warehouse.

His hands gripped her hips tightly, his fingers digging into her skin as he pumped into her. Y/n pressed on the mattress, feeling the heavy thud of his cock against her pussy. Jonathan's face was beaded with sweat, he enveloped Y/n in a warm embrace, his arms encircling her shoulders and waist, securing her close to him with a tender grip.

Y/n gripped his arm and sat around her shoulder, trying to hold on to reality. Tears pricked her eyes as Jonathan pounded into her. Y/n could feel his cock slide in and out of her, his balls slapping against her ass cheeks. It was intense, and Y/n couldn't help but beg for more.

Her voice cracked as she pleaded, “Pleae! Don't stop!” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

His rough features softened as he pressed a kiss to her cheek, just below her eyes, “You're so beautiful.”

Their breaths came in short gasps as he pounded into her, his movements becoming haphazard. Jonathan's movements became unsteady as he neared his own orgasm, his breath coming in short gasps. Y/n felt his weight shift as he slammed into her, his expression twisting into a snarl. It was a surprise his glasses never fell off with how animalistic he was.

“F-fuck, I need to pull out,” Jonathan shuddered.

But Y/n held onto his arm tightly, not allowing him to move. “No! Please, Dr. Crane! Don’t pull out.”

Jonathan's muscles tensed, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he came, his body trembling with the force of his orgasm. Y/n felt him pulse inside her, his hot cum filling her hole. But he didn't slow down, his thrusts becoming even more forceful as he continued to pound into her, ignoring his own overstimulation.

Jonathan's cum seeped out of her while he continued to pound into her, the sticky liquid dripping down her mound. Y/n had no time to think before her third orgasm came crashing down on her like a wave as Jonathan's thrusts grew even more frenzied. She cried out his name, her voice lost in the storm of pleasure that coursed through her body as her heart pounded in her chest.

Jonathan looked down at Y/n, her eyes glazed over and her body trembling with overstimulation.

“That's three,” he whispered, his voice rough with lust. “You can give me another one.”

Y/n couldn't form a coherent thought, her mind lost in a haze of pleasure as she felt Jonathan's cock pumping in and out of her. All she could do was moan and blabber.

"Is my patient all dumb, hmm?" Jonathan's voice was a low rumble as he held her face in his hand.

Y/n couldn't speak properly, her eyes rolling back into her head as he continued to thrust deep into her. She could feel his smile against her cheek as he looked down at her, the corners of his lips curling up in amusement.

Y/n's cunt was so overstimulated that it was numb with each thrust, but she could feel all the overwhelming pleasure that coursed through her body. She knew she wouldn't last much longer, her orgasm building up inside her like a storm brewing on the horizon.

“Fuck, already throbbing around me,” Jonathan muttered, mocking her. 'My sweet little patient is about to cum again, and it hasn't even been two minutes."

Jonathan felt his second orgasm nearing as Y/n was nearing her fourth. He gritted his teeth, his eyes darkening as he continued to pound into her.

“That's it, patient,” he muttered, his voice rough with desire. “Let it all out.”

Y/n's body arched sharply as her fourth orgasm crashed over her like a wave, her sobs of pleasure echoing in the room as Jonathan's own orgasm hit him like a bolt of lightning. He growled out her name, his heart pounding in his chest as he came, his body trembling with the force of his orgasm. They were both left panting and gasping for air, their bodies still pulsing with pleasure as they stared at each other in awe.

Jonathan stopped fucking Y/n and just held her, their bodies still pulsing with pleasure as they lay in a tangle of sweat-soaked sheets.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, his voice rough with emotion as he whispered, “You did well, Y/n… my pretty patient..” 

Jonathan gently pulled out, tenderly turning her over. In her dazed state, he handled her with utmost care, cradling her in his arms. Y/n snuggled closer to Jonathan, her body still trembling with the aftershocks of her orgasm. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Their clothes, damp with sweat, clung to their bodies.

"Do you want my help having a shower?" Jonathan inquired of Y/n.

"Mhmm, later," Y/n whimpered.

"You really should freshen up, my Dear," Jonathan insisted.

"I can barely fucking think, let alone stand. Later, please," Y/n whined, her eyes closed.

Jonathan sighed. “Hour rest, then you’re showering.” 

“Okay, Dr. Crane,” Y/n murmurs, jokingly.

Jonathan chuckled softly, shaking his head, and simply held her close. Both of them knew that sex would now play a significant role in their relationship now, as neither could get enough of each other.

-

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it. I plan to make some more for this series and feel free to request other stories too. I can't imagine it being a long series but I do have plans to write more. 💚

I began writing the smut scene while the poll was still going, so I started with calling Jonathan Professor Crane as it was in front but it ended up being Dr. Crane in the end, so I adapted to that, thank you everyone for voting in that poll, I appreciate the help :)

#fanfic #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x y/n #cillian x reader #cillian x fem!reader #cillian murphy #scarecrow #btas scarecrow #jonathan crane #the scarecrow #dc scarecrow #jonathan crane fanfic #jonathan crane x reader #obsessive jonathan crane #obsessive scarecrow #batman #batman scarecrow #tdk #the dark knight #the dark knight trilogy #batman begins #smut #jonathan crane smut #scarecrow smut #cillian murphy smut

[wangxianficrecs]

Black and white by apathyinreverie

Black and white

by apathyinreverie (@apathyinreverie)

T, 10k, Wangxian

Summary: The thing is, Sizhui knows that nothing in this world is ever truly black or white. Kay's comments: This story is giving me something I'm always craving: Lan Sizhui pondering over his place in the world and in the Lan Sect after everything that happened in canon, after he learned of his true identity and after he learned what happened to the Wen remnants. It's bitter, it's honest, it's absolutely perfect. Lived for the part where he was roasting Lan Qiren for his hypocricy and I loved the ending of the story - very satisfying! Also featuring outsider POV on Wangxian's developement post-canon in a mostly The Untamed-verse with Chief Cultivator Lan Wangji and them not being together yet, very heart-breaking and heart-warming in equal measures. Excerpt: However, he also sees the shadowed caution, the uncertainty so briefly flitting through Xian-ge’s eyes at Jingyi’s enthusiastic invitation, mixed with something else, something that would be impossible to read for Sizhui if he didn’t already know about the longing Xian-ge usually hides so successfully. It is a little devastating to realize how unexpected the invitation apparently seems to Xian-ge. Because, even several months after his return, he still isn’t certain of his welcome in Gusu, of his welcome with A-Die, and it has been barely three weeks since he last left and to return now would certainly break the pattern of only returning every few months which Xian-ge seems to have set himself for his visits. ‘Not unless he is explicitly told’, Wen Ning’s voice once more echoes in his mind. Sizhui chooses to interject softly, “Please, Wei-qianbei,” leaning forward the slightest bit, still a little jarred at their ever-decreasing distance in height, now barely needing to look up to meet Xian-ge’s eyes any longer. “You would most certainly be welcome. This one would be very happy if you were to join us on our way back.”

pov lan sizhui, post-canon, mo dao zu shi & the untamed combination, the untamed compliant, chief cultivator lan wangji, pov outsider lan wangji/wei wuxian, getting together, hurt/comfort, adorable juniors, gusu lan sect rules, cultivation sect politics, good parents lan wangji and wei wuxian, mutual pining, oblivious wei wuxian, protective lan wangji, protective lan sizhui, communication

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

#Wangxian Fic Rec #The Untamed #Wangxian #MDZS #Kay's Rec #February 2024 #apathyinreverie #Black and white #short fic <15k #teen #pov lan sizhui #post-canon #mo dao zu shi & the untamed combination #the untamed compliant #chief cultivator lan wangji #pov outsider lan wangji/wei wuxian #getting together #hurt/comfort #adorable juniors #gusu lan sect rules #cultivation sect politics #good parents lan wangji and wei wuxian #mutual pining #oblivious wei wuxian #protective lan wangji #protective lan sizhui #communication

[sturniolowhore]

☁️ THE PROJECT #1

summary ⎯ a biology project; that's all it is intended to be, a matter of communication amongst classmates in order to succeed yet the more time chris and aluna spend together, the harder it becomes to distinguish the line between requirement and want. they are required to work together, to spend time with one another and to exist beside one another until suddenly it doesn't feel forced. what is supposed to be simply completing a project turns into an unmistakable connection of hearts.

part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,

warnings ⎯ chris x fem!poc!oc, cursing, fluff, grumpy!oc and sunshine!chris, eventual smut, not proofread, mentions of anxiety, toxic homelife, mentions of selfharm, angst, hurt and comfort, etc.

A/N ⎯ another series baby! i know i said it would be one long fic but i wanted to get some writing out soon. i've written a few parts so i'll post them all rn but there's more to come eventually!!

i hope you enjoy <3

❛ ━━･❪ ִ ࣪𖤐 ❫ ･━━ ❜

there's a saying that claims there's always light at the end of a dark tunnel. aluna used to believe in it when she was a little girl, sneaking onto her rooftop and wishing on the shooting stars for it to become a reality. as she grew older, she realised there wasn't actually a light and the illumination she craved was merely that, a craving that the universe was refusing to fulfil. the wishful thinking soon turned to detest and she learned to despise the idea of something or someone pulling her out of the god-forsaken pit she had fallen into as a mere child.

so now, she stuck to herself. she could not find the light in others if there were no others. it was simply her against the world and every little thing inside of it. people did not recognise the name aluna nor care to try. she walked the hallways alone with her head low, never attended any school games or functions and stuck to the back of the class as best as she could. the very few times she had been partnered with someone to work with, she managed to get herself out of it and the individual was granted a new partner, thus allowing her to work alone. the way she preferred.

yet here she stood, a pleading expression capturing her features as she tried to convince her teacher to work alone for what felt like the millionth time that year. a brief sigh escaped her lips at the sympathetic refusal, something along the lines of the project showcasing an element of communication that was apparently required for the final grade.

"i'm sorry miss sanchez, i normally make exceptions for you but this is one time i can't. i'm afraid you'll be assigned a partner just like everyone else," her teacher's smile was supposed to be reassuring but it just made her heart feel heavier than it already did.

aluna dejectedly made her way to her seat, all the way at the back, and waited around for the rest of her class to arrive. she observed the way she always tended to as each individual walked in, some alone and others accompanied by people. her eyes landed on all she could including the set of triplets that she had always felt a little taken aback at, no matter how many times she saw them. they were laughing, they often were if they were not bickering, and the one she had identified as chris rolled his eyes at nick but it was paired with a fond and unavoidable glimmer.

"okay we're all here, excellent! i know you've all been awake late at night excited for this moment, that's right, it's time to assign partners. remember, absolutely no switching and i have a zero-tolerance policy for lack of teamwork. i want both of you working on the project and putting your all into this. the project as you may recall counts towards your final grade," mrs david rambled, an eager grin on her face that aluna could seem to understand for even a moment.

aluna didn't pay attention to her teacher again until she started assigning the partners and she stumbled across her name, "so miss sanchez and mr sturniolo, chris that is."

aluna pressed her eyes shut for a minimal second before she opened them, meeting chris' gaze across the classroom and trying her hardest to return the bright smile he offered her. then, her eyes dropped to the desk in front of her, shutting the world out until she heard the scraping of chairs and realised everyone was either sitting with their partners or making their way.

chris approached her with a smile, too large of a smile for her and she groaned internally before picking up her bag from the seat beside her and dropping it to the floor. he situated himself in the now vacant seat instantly and turned to her as he ran his dainty fingers through his mess of brown hair atop his head.

"aluna right?" he asked her easily and she nodded her head in response, not finding it within herself to verbally reply.

"so i think she said our focus was on DNA and RNA, shouldn't be that bad," he shrugged, ignoring her lack of enthusiasm without so much as a slight shift in his demeanour.

"mhm," aluna hummed softly, mentally cursing herself.

she wanted to respond like a normal fucking person, to engage in the conversation and appear as though she wasn't a complete and utter loser but she was already struggling. she genuinely didn't remember the last time she put effort into another person. she had always been closed off and speaking to others was just not her forte, if anything it was quite the opposite. normality for her was her own company, not having to make small talk with people when it was obvious they had very little to nothing in common.

"so would you like to work on the project at my place or yours? i don't mind either way but if it as my place, just know my brothers will probably be annoying as fuck," he laughed as he glanced at his brothers yet aluna didn't so much as laugh for the sake of courtesy.

even with her silence, chris' smile didn't seem to falter. if she was being completely honest, she didn't know how to feel about this joyous persona. it was too much happiness for her all at once and he wasn't even put off by the way she was giving him practically nothing.

she did however agree with one thing and felt the need to voice it, "your place works."

the very last thing she wanted was for someone to come to her house, school project or not. she had never had anyone come over, too afraid of what they may think of her based on what they see. it was easier this way, giving them nothing to work with so they were not disappointed or alarmed.

"can i get your number?" he pulled out his phone as though he didn't just ask what he did, as though it was normal and she raised her brows at him.

"what did you just say?" she questioned, a sudden sense of unease swarming through her at his words in a way she knew wasn't healthy but was too far gone to bother caring about.

he shook his head with a laugh, "your number, for the project, you know?"

oh. right. that made a lot more sense. she nodded her head and he handed her his phone so that she could enter the number. she saved it with her full name and he furrowed his brows a little.

"are you always this formal?" it was meant to be lighthearted but something inside of aluna snapped and she rolled her eyes at him.

"you asked for my number and i gave it," she deadpanned and he raised his hands in surrender, a curious look taking over that made her skin crawl.

she felt like she was being scrutinised and she hated it. she felt too involved in something and it had barely been a few minutes. she knew it sounded ridiculous but she just could not help it. she shot her eyes to the ground, picking at her nails to surpress her discomfort.

"you shouldn't do that," he placed his hand atop hers and moved it away from its prior spot, making her jump and remove her hand from his sharply.

"don't fucking touch me," she said with a glare without meaning to and he widened his eyes at the tone, making her sigh inaudibly.

"shit i'm sorry, i wasn't even thinking. i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable i-" he stopped himself from going on, looking to the floor to save himself from the awkwardness.

and here she went again, ruining something else. stopping illumination before it became too bright for her to maintain. she didn't apologise for her tone even though she wanted to, the apology sat on her tongue but it tasted bitter. it reminded her of the countless, meaningless apologies she had received in the past and it made her tongue almost burn strangely. here was this boy who was trying to make her feel normal and treat her like a friend but all she was doing was shutting him out. she was closing the curtains to the point even the smallest bit of light couldn't seep through the gaps.

she looked around the classroom, watching as others conversed with their partners easily, without the fear of things going wrong before they had even begun. she turned to chris, the boy scrolling through his phone with an unreadable expression across his face. she did that to him. and she didn't even have it in herself to fix it. she instead waited as the seconds on the clock ticked by and turned into minutes before the period was at last over and she didn't have that repeated pounding in her head.

"i'll text you my address, does tomorrow work for you?" chris' voice came out of nowhere and she had to mask the surprise she felt, replacing it with a small nod of her head before rushing out of the classroom.

stay in the dark, don't let the light in.

it was almost a mantra, her life moto now and she sighed at the thoughts circling her head. she walked to the next period with a heavy head and a discomforting sensation tingling through her nerves. she had no fucking clue how she was going to survive an entire project with him.

❛ ━━･❪ ִ ࣪𖤐 ❫ ･━━ ❜

TAGLIST: @mattslolita @mattsleftnipple03 @sturniolololover @hearts4chris @sturniofilmd @luvsturns @that-general-simp !

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo fanfic #smut #fem oc #sturniolo #the sturniolos #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #fluff #sunshine #grumpy x sunshine #sturniolowhore #series #anxitey #toxic people #strong #themes #angst kinda #comfort #hurt/comfort

[shadowdaddies]

I keep unintentionally making OC's with you... I'm craving more language barrier reader x Amren... Maybe the reader knows that some of her people are trying to sabotage the IC and attack them and is trying to tell Amren with what little Prythian she knows but can't get it across and Amren and crew get attacked but Amren and reader kick ass? And then care for their wounds together with soft kisses and whispered conversations? And the reader plays with Amrens hair when they lay down for the night?

I need Amren carnally

you DO and I LOVE it💜 your OCs are so much fun, with great stories. I'm honored you ask me to write them

More Than Words

Amren x Reader

A/N: this can be read separately or as a part 2 to the smutty Foreign Tongues

Warnings: mentions of blood/battle

Sweat dripped from your brow, blurring your vision as you sprinted as hard as you could towards the River House in search of Amren. Heart pumping, your limbs grew tired from how far you’d ran, but you persevered, knowing that you were already on borrowed time.

The camps of soldiers that Vallahan had sent to aid Prythian remained stationed in the Western border of the Night Court, their naval forces ready to combat Hybern when the time arose. 

~~~

You’d accompanied Cassian to meet with General Ildrec regarding strategy, the Illyrian general escorting you through the camps when you overheard a conversation that stopped you in your tracks. 

Cassian picked up on your worry instantly, cautious hazel eyes assessing you as you looked to the tent where the voices were sounding from. Your Prythian had improved since your last trip to the Continent - thanks to practice with Amren - but you didn’t know how to explain what you were hearing to Cassian without arousing suspicion from nearby Vallahans. 

“I stay here,” you pointed to the ground. Nodding at Cassian, you tried to give him an encouraging smile. “I meet you back in town.” 

You’d kept the existence of Velaris a secret from your country so far, using vague terms so as not to alert anyone of your location. Cassian’s face tightened with apprehension, but he nodded and took to the skies to fly home. 

Keeping your footsteps light, you crept slowly towards the voices you’d heard speaking, listening for confirmation of the keywords you thought you had heard moments before. Gruff male voices were muffled through their hushed tones and the thick hide of the tent, but you still understood the basics of what they were communicating. A mutiny.

Somehow, Vallahan soldiers who were against the alliance had become aware of Velaris, apparently staging a mutiny to attack the city. Horror struck, and you turned to sprint out of the camp, winnowing as close as you could to the city’s wards before running on foot.

You bounded over the hill, nearly stumbling over aching feet as Amren rushed out of the River House, silver eyes wide with fear. She ran to meet you halfway, catching your arms before you could fully collapse to the ground in front of her.

You hadn’t even caught your breath before Azriel, Rhys, and Mor appeared, each of them staring at you with worry. 

“My people...” you gasped, forcing air into your burning lungs. “Come to Velaris. Not much, but...” your lip wobbled, guilt coursing through you at the mere possibility that you had brought these traitors to your allies. “They will hurt.”

“Who?” Amren pressed, her hands moving to cup your cheeks. “They hurt you?”

Your heart twisted at her words, the concern she felt for you, and the misunderstanding that could be your downfall. “No,” you choked out, pointing a finger towards the city at the bottom of the hill. “They hurt Velaris.”

As if on cue, power rippled through the air, Rhys’s own dark magic responding in kind. “They are here,” he growled, disappearing with the Shadowsinger without another word. 

You knew their tactics, where your people would attack. You looked frantically to Mor, who spoke the most of your language of anyone, desperate to explain. Vallahans would have a small group at the entry point where Rhys and Azriel were headed, sending the majority of their group to the Night Court’s most vulnerable point, meaning they would be here at the River House within moments.

You begged her in broken Prythian, explaining that you needed weapons against the incoming attack. Mor understood just enough to winnow away and back, arming herself, Amren, and you just in time for the Vallahan rebels to arrive.

Upwards of forty males and females surrounded you, each of them prepared for battle and not hesistating before they charged. Metal clanged as swords collided, flashes of red splattering your vision as you cut your way through the onslaught. You whirled to see Mor catching her breath, Amren taking down the last of the foot soldiers.

Breathing a sigh of relief, you scanned the grassy lawn to find dozens of your fallen people as you moved towards Amren. The three of you had taken down a small army with a planned attack, and you were certain that Rhys and Azriel could handle those at the wards.

“Amren,” you called out, a tentative smile blooming across your face at her, the beautiful female wiping blood from her brow as she smirked at you. As she turned, you noticed the archer sitting in the trees, his bow cocked and aimed right at Amren. 

Everything happened in slow motion, the arrow flying through the air with a low whistle, Amren’s shocked face as you ran towards her, pushing her to the ground as the arrow lodged itself deep in your arm.

You fell to the ground with a cry, vision blurring as you registered Mor’s blonde hair flying towards the archer, his body hitting the ground with a thud. Your vision swam as whatever poison laced the arrow’s tip invaded your senses, everything fading to black.

You lurched forward, head pounding in pain as you gathered your surroundings. You were in a familiar room - Amren’s room, you realized at the sight of the unfinished puzzle on the desk.

Pain shot through your arm, and you bit back a scream at the wave of pain as you collapsed back onto your pillow. Sweat beaded your forehead, quickly brushed aside by a familiar soft hand. You turned your head to see Amren looking down at you, her silky black hair falling in a curtain around her face.

Silver eyes sparkled with emotion, the petite female curling into your side as she buried her face in your shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice thick.

Pulling her back from where she lay, you looked at Amren’s face, heart wrenching at the tortured expression she wore. “Why are you sorry?”

Your throat worked a heavy swallow, dehydration grating your voice. “I am sorry. I...” 

Tears flooded your eyes as you struggled to find the right words in Prythian. “I came here fast. They were too close, I was behind.”

Amren nodded, an assured smile gracing her lips when she smiled at you. “I know. You have helped us, so much,” she whispered, hand still gently brushing the hair from your eyes. “Everyone in the attack is gone. We are all safe, thanks to you.”

She looked down at your bandaged arm, and the memory of you diving in front of her flashed through your mind. “I would do it again,” you whispered, looking from your arm to her.

Amren’s eyes shone with unshed tears, her resolve crumbling at your gaze. “I know. I would, too,” she promised, and you knew she was telling the truth.

“Hold me?” you asked, coughing on your strangled words as you leaned weakly towards Amren. With a smile, she reached around you to pull a glass of water, tilting the glass to your lips as she helped you drink until you felt better.

“I have been reading,” Amren spoke in your language, her arms winding around your waist. She nodded towards a book that lay on the bed near her legs. “I have been making notes of your language and mine, and taking the time to learn yours. It’s a beautiful language.”

Her hand wound through your hair, gently scratching your scalp as you curled closer into her petite frame. She inhaled shakily, lips pressed to your temple before she murmured, “I hope to use your language much more, from now on.”

Silver lined your eyes, the kind gesture overwhelming as you lay in her bed. “I want to learn your language, too,” you whispered back, and the two of you understood how much more the promises meant. It was more than words. It was your future, and with Amren, it was brighter than ever before.

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar x reader #amren acotar #acotar imagine #amren x reader #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fanfic #acotar reader imagine #acotar reader fic #amren #acotar fic #amren x you #amren x reader fic #amren x reader fluff #amren x reader angst #acotar fluff #acotar angst #acotar series #azriel #azriel acotar #cassian #rhysand #mor acotar #amren x you fluff #amren x you angst #acowar #acotar x y/n #acotar x you

[ideas-4-stories]

Heyyy I'm the non-sexual omegaverse anon, back in your inbox bc YES I LOVE DUMPING IDEAS ABOUT RELATIVELY SFW OMEGAVERSE-!!!!

And yeah boo, me too on the period front. I'm AFAB and SUFFERING. Essentially I consider Heats to be similar to periods - the same basic principles, cramps, cravings, odd other symptoms nobody talks about ((back pain and migraines hello???)), but Ruts are basically the same but opposite. It's a hormone rush. Both are controlled by the endocrine system, both are hormones and chemicals. Both can and do increase libido, but it isn't some absolutely feral Need To Breed type of situation.

Buggy in particular has the omegaverse equivalent of polycystic ovarian syndrome or endometriosis. Wild, heavy, wacked out Heats which knock him flat on his ass.

His main, original crew all knew of his designation bc while Buggy has megaflaws, sexism and misogyny is NOT AMONG THEM. the Buggy Pirates are actually one of the most diverse crews known. They value what you bring, not what you are.

Buggy also has a very strong scent. It's almost impossible to completely hide it, so he and his crew kind of opt to Hide In Plain Sight.

Beyond Karai Bari, the only ones who know Buggy's secondary are the infirmary workers in Impel Down, Shanks, Rayleigh, Crocus and Luffy, but the latter doesn't realize he knows nor that it's a secret. Lu was the first and only person outside of the Roger's who put together "the cute Omega bestie I had when I was tyke" and "buggy the gods damned clown" are one in the same.

After the reveal, Croc and Hawk both go through a bit of a learning curve bc suddenly "do we... treat you differently now? Like, open doors and stuff? We thought the other's did that bc they're simps but maybe we should-"

Buggy is having none of that. He is still the same Jester they had beaten the snot out if three weeks ago. His internal krgans and scent glands don't need to change anything. ((Though he is enjoying the whole not getting beat up thing, maybe keep that up please-???))

All three are kind of dumb and suck at communicating so it ends up being a bit of a hot mess. The main point if contention is Buggy thinking they're warming up to him because he's an Omega.

It's not that. Not really.

They just found Buggy going apeshit on that one Alpha bastard to be absolutely bewitching and have since realized he has been holding back on some level. Buggy in that fight was ruthless, efficient, and while it was fueled by hormones and a base instinct to protect and nurture, it was executed with skill, control and power. There is potential in that, in him. His fighting style would never be an all out brawl. But Buggy is sharp, witty, creative and could do some serious damage if he had the confidence and will to back it up. They don't care WHAT is happening in his abdomen. They're attracted to power, charisma, and apparently red nosed blue haired clowns who will not hesitate to beat a man with another man's severed arm. They were surprised too.

Shanks is both delighted that Buggy has suitors and is livid that Buggy has suitors. It's not even apossessove thing (maybe a little), it's that THAT IS HIS PACKMATE and they were RAISED TOGETHER and that's HIS BUGGY and NOBODY IS GOOD ENOUGH except maybe Mihawk BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW CROCODILE WELL ENOUGH TO MAKE AN OPINION SO THAT'S ILLEGAL.

He then cries when Buggy, upon being told this, deadpans, "Shanks, I'm a pirate. Breaking laws is kinda in the job description."

He is Suffering.

Buggy is actually doing pretty swell, being courted by two surprisingly good Alphas.

Ray and Crocus meanwhile both perk up on opposit sides of Paradise like I feel the sudden need to check on the blue one...

Anyway yeah that just seems funny and silly and am half asleep so I'll stop now but ily byeee~ 🍬🍬

Hello No-Sexual Omegaverse Anon!

Heats like periods, that would makes sense to have it like that (I hate the back pain, why is it there!?) Ooooo I really like your idea of the Omegaverse, I wish to see it more in stories and Buggy on having polycystic ovarian syndrome or endometriosis. Got to look that stuff up and indeed YIKES! Really poor Buggy, getting the short end of the stick there. At least he has great friends that he has surrounded himself with.

We stand for Buggy’s megaflaws (we ain’t here to fix him, we are here to watch him be the silly guy that he is) and of course, Buggy does NOT stand for sexism and misogyny because why does it matter if you are male, female, or inbetween. I love the idea that Buggy Pirates are one of the most diverse crews on the high seas because HELL FUCKING YEAH!!! Damn right on valuing what you bring, and not what you are. That makes sense in any workforce. If can get the job done, why does it matter about your gender/sex/sexualitly? Actaully my plan for some Buggy Pirates OCs have a diverse cast of race/gender/sexuality/etc… because A). diversy is the bomb and makes the most realstilc sense and B).Everyone being the same is. Fucking. BORING!

I love the fact that Buggy and his crew Hides in Plain Sight, this rings true in canon too… I beileve, because Buggy was always there in East Blue for anyone could put two-and-two together that Buggy was apart of Roger Pirates if anyone actaully looked. But barely anyone did because of how open Buggy is being the Flashy Fool, I mean how Buggy brags about his achivements, people would think that Buggy would brag that he was apart of the Roger Pirates. But he never did, so that’s a baseless rumor (that turned out to be true)

Ooooooo, having Impel Down infirmary workers knowing that he is a Omega might have a problem in the future… or not. It depends on who the infirmary workers are as people. Love how Luffy doesn’t care that Buggy is a Omega, just some moron clown that he kicked in the crotch in Orange town, and now onto “The cute Omega bestie I had when I was tyke” Does that mean Luffy and Buggy met before Orange Town? Albeit prending to be someone else, so when they met at Orange Town it took Luffy sometime to put two-n-two together?

Heehee, not Crocodile and Mihawk thinking that they have to act like everyone else. I mean, they should way nicer to him (indeed Buggy would really like not getting his ass beaten up), but like if they do that, it would shock the fuck out of too many people. News Coo getting this and making some drama brew. Everyone sees this, the strawhats, the red-hair pirates, and just the world in general. Chaos insues

Ahhh, don’t we all love some old men being stupid and unable to communicate with a least a speck of commone sense. It boils into a hot mess, with people crying… cough Buggy cough Poor Buggy thinking they are only warming up to him because he probably thinks they feel bad for beating the shit out of a omega when in fact it’s because he decided to beat the shit out of a disgusting alpha who was being creepy and yucky. As well as knowing that the clown has been holding back his strength and power for some reason.

I love the headcanon that Buggy can fight ruthless and efficient. Buggy ain't one for a full on brawl because he uses things in his surroundings to his advantage. Bro will use whatever, a chair leg, a metal pipe, the heel of a shoe, etc… because people fighting him are probably not fighting fair and square. Love him using his mind and creativity to win a fight. He was trained by the Roger Pirates, Buggy definitely has potential, all he needs is some more confidence and weapons to back him up.

Damn right it's nothing about what's in his abdomen. It's all about seeing the clown beating a man with another man's arm! (Love that for Buggy)

Brooo, Shanks being delighted and livid that Buggy has suitors trying to court him is so fucking funny. Because what you say is just want, I think Shanks would think, your Shanks is spot on to me. I love how Shanks is a crybaby much like Buggy, it’s just different reasons for why they cry. Love that Shanks is suffering, when Buggy just deadpans and states the obvious.

Heehee not Rayleigh and Crocus feeling like they need to check on Buggy, their parental sense is finally kicking in after years they should of have their parental sense running wild. Not the reason is because of Buggy is getting courted, like 😂🤣😂

#one piece #buggy pirates #cross guild #one piece omegaverse #buggy the clown #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk #red haired shanks #buggy #crocodile #mihawk #buggy the bombastic clown #buggy the star clown #mr. 0 #hawkeye mihawk #buggy the flashy fool #buggy the genius jester #ideas~4~stories says #ask

[yridenergyridenergy]

Hiii, greetings from southeast asia! ❤️

i like your blog btw

And i wanna ask you as new fans of Dir, what do you think about all member? Please describe each member and tell me who is ur favorite?

Hello, sorry for the delay! I knew that this question required a thoughtful answer.

Welcome to Dir en grey! They're frickin' awesome.

Hm I'm terrible at describing people. Essentially, none of them are mean or offensive. They are all very considerate individuals. What's special about Dir en grey is that they are not social and they do not profusely share with fans, so whenever they do or that they interact among themselves, we all go gaga because by that point, we're craving for it hahah.

In terms of them individually, hm, I can't say that Toshiya imposes himself, but he is definitely not a passive bassist. He moves very emotionally to the songs and it's super heartwarming to see him smile on stage. Recently, he opened his online fan site and he seems very generous and, again, very thoughtful with what he gives to fans, after all those years of drought.

Die has a kind of mysterious air to him, but he is rather communicative and energetic. For years, apparently he has been sharing daily updates/pictures on his online fan club.

When it comes to Shinya, he's a stoic angel hahah. He really has his signature look and his facial expression remains neutral whenever he plays the drums, but he beats them like a beast. I love his compositions because they're so atypical and varied, you can never get bored of the melodies. I also love his style of humor, which you can see on his YouTube channel.

Kaoru gives the impression of really being serious, but he is quick to kind of fool around too. He is known as the leader but he is clearly super laidback. From what I know, he is rather generous and attentive with fans too, and his art is very cool and gloomy!

Over the years, I've come to love them all quickly enough, but Kyo was definitely my favourite member of Dir en grey from the start. At this point, it might be easier to find words that do not describe Kyo than limit myself to a few words that do describe him. His performance on stage is striking, his lyrics aren't necessarily genius but the way he delivers them, wow. I don't know any other singer who comes up with vocal melodies that are this diverse and so felt. And I've looked, I'm open to discoveries but nothing's a match for his creativity. What else to say without stretching this post on forever... Hm, I've definitely known him to be moody, but he just expects a raw and true response from people like what he gives us, and he can't be bothered to fake. As a last note, I'll make an honorable mention to every "smirky" thing he does, whether on stage or in his various other activities. He is not outright laughing while slapping his leg for example, but once in a while he does shenanigans and you can just imagine a smirk behind it. And if you love Kyo, please give his second band, sukekiyo, a chance! It's amazing and you can witness another side of Kyo!

Even though I gave myself some time to think of a reply, this is in no way perfect or eloquent... Please explore my posts from this year and the past ones and you should notice some traits from each member! Perhaps the compilations are a good starting point?

#Dir en grey #anon #ask

[tennessoui]

how about “i’m sorry but no” ? also, the obikin was adorable on the last lumberjack ficlet but i have to say i absolutely love how quinlan saw a depressed cold little english professor looking meow meow and went “alright im adopting this one now he’s mine” like a bedraggled little kitten you find sitting in a box on the street corner

hi hello!!! this is "i'm sorry, but no" prompt fill, set in my fix-a-sith au, where jedi feel like sith can be cured of the dark side like an illness, primarily through constant contact with someone Light. aka usually through marriage. obi-wan s brought in to marry newly fallen sith anakin (this is the tag)

(ps thank you for this lumberjack anakin au love!! this was absolutely quin's thought process in that ficlet!)

(1.3k)

Anakin—Vader, but Anakin sometimes, and Anakin now—has a very good feeling about the course of tonight’s events and what they mean. 

He played very nice with all of Obi-Wan’s friends, even Vos. Even Ventress, who’s really more like friend by association. Friend by being married to Vos, which is a double black mark in Anakin’s mind but apparently means that Obi-Wan gives him very disappointed eyes whenever he growls at her.

So tonight, when they’d all gone out to dinner, Anakin had kept all of his displeasure to himself. He’d been polite to their server, had grunted out a laugh in response to Vos’ jokes, and even allowed Ventress to touch his husband’s arm to get his attention. Attention that, until that moment, had been completely Vader’s.

He hadn’t even Force-choked her in a way that could be easily tied back to him, though she’d coughed and spluttered when she’d taken a drink of her water a few moments later.

Obi-Wan had glared at him like he knew what he was doing with his hands beneath the table, but Anakin had smiled back sunnily, brightest blue eyes firmly in play. Like seemed to always be the case, the sight of Anakin’s blue eyes had seemed to dissolve Obi-Wan’s ire, and then his husband had reached across the space between them to lay a hand on Anakin’s thigh.

So Anakin has an incredibly good feeling about tonight because Obi-Wan has been keeping a hold on him throughout dinner, dessert, drinks afterwards. It’s been a hand on his thigh, it’s been a weight of an arm brushing the small of his back, it’s been fingers entangling with his own.

Despite the fact that they’ve been married for almost one standard year, Anakin can count on one hand the amount of times his husband has kissed him Casual touches have slowly made their way into their everyday communications, but kissing and any intimate sort of relationship has been kept firmly and jealously defended, with Anakn on the wrong side of the fighting.

His husband is too good, he thinks. He knows more than a few Jedi spouses have been tempted by their Sith partners to consummate their marriage bed. Force, he knows Ventress seduced Vos within their first week together. 

But Obi-Wan Kenobi has resisted his every advance. Anakin would take it personally if he didn’t know just how good his husband was.

So tonight—filled with the touches, the looks, the reedy swallows and stuttering—is unexpected.

Unexpected but a gift to be treasured.

Treasured and consumed.

They are barely through the doors into their quarters before Anakin slams Obi-Wan up against the wall just to the side, hands sliding from his shoulders down to his waist as he presses against his body.

His lipss find his husband’s easily, his mouth already open and ready for the taking. Something inside of Anakin purrs as he tastes his husband. He has been missing the taste of him. He has been craving it and now it’s his again. Obi-Wan is his.

Obi-Wan has always been his, but now the man is kissing him back instead of denying it. Now the man’s mouth is too busy for words as his hands slide through Anakin’s hair and push his head to the angle he wants it most, and Anakin would contort his body into any position Obi-Wan desires if it means the man keeps kissing him like that.

It’s been so long since anyone’s kissed him. He can’t really remember if he’s always been this sensitive to the action or if Obi-Wan is especially good at coaxing these noises out of him. 

Either way, the whimper he makes when Obi-Wan’s tongue drags across his bottom lip belongs to him. The breathless exhale that’s punched out of him when Obi-Wan pushes away to nip at his jaw is his as well. They all belong to Obi-Wan now because Obi-Wan is his husband, which makes Obi-Wan his.

He allows him to pull away with the greatest of reluctance. His body feels like one giant nerve, everywhere they’re touching somehow sending lightning through his veins. But the good sort of lightning. The kind that makes his chest sing instead of burn.

“Obi-Wan,” he murmurs, allowing his head to drop back, exposing the line of his throat to the Jedi’s perusal. “Obi-Wan.”

And then Obi-Wan does the unthinkable. He pulls away.

Anakin can feel his chest moving against his own, up and down, ragged and unfiltered in a way that makes Anakin’s mouth water to taste the sweat that will bead up on his husband’s chest, chase the oxygen as it enters his husband’s parted lips.

He wants more; he wants closer; he wants now.

He doesn’t understand why suddenly there’s a hand pressing against his chest, and he snarls his ddisspleasure at the distance it creates between their bodies. He can feel his husband’s desire as if it were hiss own. It is his own. It belongs to him, it—-

“Anakin, no,” his husband says, far too loudlyand firmly for the soft quiet of their quarters. Anakin’s eyes narrow, lips pulling back from his teeth because he’s being denied again, he shouldn’t—he cannot—-

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan murmurs, softer. “Anakin, I’m sorry, but no. We cannot. I cannot.”

Anakin knows such a statement is final, that he cannot push his husband to accept him like this. Consent. He knows it’s important. Distantly, in some small part of his mind that isn’t crushed by the disappointment of being pushed away or angry at the denial, he knows listening to Obi-Wan is important, integral even.

He pushes himself away before he can do something stupid and impulsive like hurt Obi-Wan, just because the hurt in his chest feels too big to be contained within himself.

He breathes deeply, in and out, just like the Jedi teachers have taught him.

“I’m sorry, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, and the words feel like they cut him deep and in a way no healer could ever cure. “I cannot take advantage of you in this…intoxicated state.”

“I’ve not had two drinks,” Anakin mutters, hand against his own throat as he turns away, a paltry attempt to ground himself.

“You know I’m not talking about alcohol, dear one,” his husband replies, and Vader breaks. “Do not call me that!” he snaps, spinning back around to glare wetly at Obi-Wan. “As if you have some sort of—of familiarity with me even as you hold me at a distance, one that grows larger and larger by the day!”

“That is not true! I have let you in—”

“Everywhere except your bed!” Vader cuts him off, advancing upon him quickly and boxing him up against the wall. “You guard yourself so jealously, Kenobi. I ache for you and yet you push me away as if I were a youngling who needs to be minded—”

“You have Fallen, Anakin. You are not in your right mind. The Dark Side tempts and clouds one’s soul—to take advantage of such a thing, to give into my own desires—it would be—”

“Monstrous,” Vader finishes because he’s heard this before. He’s heard this speech so many times he could spout it from memory. “But what if the person who loves you is a monster, Obi-Wan Kenobi? What if that monster wants you to stoop to its level just once—just once—so it’s not alone in its monstrosity?”

Obi-Wan swallows and shakes his head, casting his gaze away. “You are not a monster, Anakin.” He pauses and swallows again. Shakes his head again.  “But I cannot afford to lose myself in you, Anakn. For both of our sakes.”

He straightens his robes hurriedly and exits through the doors.

Vader watches him leave. The lamp on the side table throws itself against the wall he had Obi-Wan pressed against only a handful of minutes ago. The burst of anger, once exercised, only makes him feel hollow.

He wishes, not for the first time, that Obi-Wan Kenobi was a little less good.

A little less perfect.

A little more reachable.

A little more....touchable.

#asks #prompt fill #obikin #fix a sith au #anyway obi-wan is currently having a meltdown outsde their quarters over his moment of weakness #and hes trying to decide if he can go to the council and get anakin a new husband #because obviously hes not fit for the role #i also wanted to fit the exchange of vader asking obi-wan “if we had met before i fell when i was a jedi watchman would you have kissed me” #and obi-wan reesponding “darling i would have fallen in love with you” #but couldnt fit it in here #next fix a sith au snippet!!!

[warriorofthesky]

today in i think too much about destiny lore, here's my current belief re the unveiling, the veil, the witness & the darkness:

spoilers for season of the deep of course

put your spinfoil hats on honestly lol

the truth in the darkness... according to the witness

i haven't seen many people talking about the "finding truth in the darkness" aspect of the cutscene but it's one of the most fascinating to me. what does that even mean? if we take the veil as the ~window into the mind and memory of the universe~, does this mean the witness well, witnessed the universe from the beginning?

i think so, based on one of ahsa's lines ("glimpse beyond... to the beginning"). so, assuming the witness got a glimpse of how the universe came into the existence, i think the unveiling is the witness' interpretation of said event. there's two ways of thinking about this: this is really the witness passing on the words of the darkness/winnower as it received it (press x to doubt) or it is a very biased interpretation of what it saw in the darkness.

i think the latter is more likely bc of the hints we have that the darkness by itself isn't malicious or bad (the witness giving "the darkness a wicked shape" etc etc). the witness was desperate for a purpose, one that the traveler wouldn't give. i think that, whatever it was that it saw when it communed with the darkness/veil, said desperation was enough to completely misrepresent it so it could make itself the winnower it thought the universe needed. in a way, the witness made itself into the first knife bc it believe the first knife was necessary. i don't believe the clash between light and dark (or gardener & winnower) ever happened the way it is depicted in the unveiling, with the gardener wanting to break the rules and the winnower going "hell no". i think the witness interpreted it in that way so it could give itself the purpose it craved so badly.

(also, an interesting idea is that the witness saw the future as well when it communed with the veil, and the unveiling is depicting the future in a way. sure it talks about it happening before time yadda yadda, but what if 1. the gardener breaking the rules = the traveler uplifting the witness' people, 2. the winnower going hell no = the darkness/veil communing with the witness' people & making the witness' ppl "realize" the light is too chaotic & 3. the winnower discovering the first knife = the witness turning on the traveler when it refused to be merged with the veil, which set off the witness down a path of quite literally winnowing the universe for eons to come? not very likely imo (especially with how the unveiling is written) but it popped up in my head and now i'm making it everyone else's problem).

so the truth in the darkness according to the witness is that the light is breaking the rules/is too chaotic/has no reason or purpose. its truth is the final shape.

but, if we are taking the second option here and this is all in the witness' head, what is the real truth in the darkness?

the truth in the darkness... despite the witness

the witness saw the beginning of the universe and somehow came to the conclusion that the final shape was not only inevitable but the only truth the universe could have. if we agree that the witness is very much wrong, we are still short of what could have made it believe it isn't. what could it possibly have seen in the beginning of the universe (or the time since) that made it believe the final shape is a thing?

i have no idea lol but i think it's interesting that the traveler was... buried? beneath the sands of the witness' world. it apparently didn't garden around the universe before that. the witness might have been the first people the traveler ever uplifted... or at least the first in a long time. it fled when the witness tried to link it to the veil, maybe because it didn't want to, you know, remake reality itself based on the nonsense of the witness, but maybe there is another reason as well.

dreams of alpha lupi depict the traveler as very powerful but also very diminished, very afraid and not whole. it has this interesting line:

"And it is your children you must turn to now, in time of need."

which kinda reflects something ikora says in the last entry to this season's lore book, purpose:

"It never came to us to uplift us. It came to us for help."

which, of course, probably means help against the witness. but i think there is a possibility that it means the witness and something more. as far as we know, the traveler was already diminished when the witness found it. in fact, the traveler depicted in dreams of alpha lupi doesn't even seem to remember much at all about itself or what came before. it's been running and it's desperate. it remembers being attacked (with a "knife"... which just complicates things even more) and it remembers being more but that's it.

so what caused the traveler to be diminished before it met the witness? before lightfall the witness never managed to actually hurt the traveler in any way (as far as the cutscene implies). the traveler noped out of there before it could make the link. so it was hurt before that. before it somehow ended up buried beneath the sands of some alien world.

so:

who or what hurt the traveler so badly?

how did it get there?

why is the veil in outer space while the traveler is buried? is this a case of them spawning into the universe and things growing around them? i find it very unlikely tbh

would the traveler be okay with reuniting* with the veil if it wasn't for the witness' bonkers reasoning to do so?

who or what hurt the traveler so badly?

one option is the veil, or whatever lies beyond the veil. maybe the darkness is bad after all. but i don't think so. it would be weird from a narrative perspective to go from darkness bad to darkness neutral to darkness bad yet again. but it is an option i guess.

another option is... something else. a force that isn't light or dark. the vex? the aphelion, or whatever the aphelion came from/is part of? who knows!

though why hasn't this thing come back to finish the job is a question i can't even begin to answer.

how did it get there?

maybe it crash landed there after being wounded? or was it hiding there already?

which makes me wonder if the veil is wounded in the same way (assuming it wasn't the veil who hurt the traveler, of course). the veil doesn't seem to be mobile like the traveler is, and whatever free will it has can't be exactly measured right now... which is a bit similar to the confused, diminished state of the traveler tbh.

why is the veil in outer space while the traveler is buried?

is this a case of the veil being the baddie here and so it had no reason to do anything but chill in outer space? or were they both set adrift after both were wounded?

would the traveler be okay with reuniting* with the veil if it wasn't for the witness' bonkers reasoning to do so?

*reuniting under an asterisk here because i'm not sure we can take ahsa's (the witness'?) word that this is a reunion and not first contact.

i guess it depends on whether the veil was the one that hurt the traveler or not. maybe they were one once and that's why both are possibly diminished. but maybe they were meant as independent beings who should never be linked. again, who knows.

the darkness is bad.

honestly this all could be much simpler. maybe the darkness is bad, at least in the sense of the unveiling, where it wants the final shape just like the witness does. maybe the witness communing with the veil is akin to eve listening to the snake in the garden. this all could be happening bc the veil convinced the witness that the traveler is a problem bc the veil is the winnower and the winnower wants its flower game left alone.

but the traveler wasn't gardening before the witness (apparently) so it wasn't like it was influencing the flower game that much. idk.

imo, i find the idea of something other than the witness being the reason the traveler is weaker now fascinating. it does run the risk of falling into the "bigger bad" trope, but i guess it depends on how it is executed. the witness once being mortal opened the gates to there being stuff out there who was never mortal and is much more primordial/ancient than the witness (maybe contemporary to the traveler or even older, who tf knows). it also could be a nice hook for a post light & dark saga - dealing with whatever hurt the light and maybe the darkness, for example.

idk. every time i think i understand where this game is going i find some older piece of lore that changes everything so. tldr: im still confusion?

#destiny 2 #destiny #destiny lore #the traveler #the witness #the veil #ren.txt #ren.wtf

[v3nusxsky]

Hii, I love your writing and you're so very talented!!

Please, feel free to ignore this request if you don't feel comfortable writing it 😊

I was wondering if you could write a Lady Lesso x Never!Student platonic where the reader has depression. The reader has no motivation and everything seems like a chore - even eating. She would feel so terrible that she would phyically get sick and nauseous and tired all the time. The nights are the worst because her mind is plagued by dark thoughts, the nights seemed to never end, she's afraid she'll do something stupid so she rans down the hallway knocking on Lady Lesso's headquarters' doors.

She's afraid of Lady Lesso but she's afraid of herself even more.

I suffer from seasonal depression that lasts from like February to October and I'm tired already-

It gets to the point I even think things that aren't even true. Like... I'd mix reality and thoughs. For example - I'd be thinking my phone cracked and for some reason I'd believe it. I get so confused xD And I'd isolate myself from people not even caring. I wish I could feel bad because I stopped communicating with them but I just don't.

Hey lovely anon! <3 thank you so much for your support and kind words. I hope this is what you were looking for <3

Save me from myself

*Authors note| This seemed very fitting for my mood today so I absolutely have had a blast writing this.*

Trigger warnings~ food issues depression self harm the whole lot really

Prompt~see ask^^

Depression is a strange thing, especially when coupled with anxiety. It's like you have no energy to do anything but your brain is going a million miles a minute. Yet it makes perfect sense, your brain is whirling so many thoughts that it's draining all of your energy. Self care goes out the window, anything that really requires any physical emotional or mental energy goes too. Why does life have to be soo hard? It feels as though everything is getting on top of you and pushing you further and further back into this dark place.  The dark place being cold and lonely, two of the things you wished to not feel, yet they surround you all day every day.

Food isn't on your radar, even the thought of food makes you feel nauseous. All you want to do is sleep for the rest of eternity. Yet your mind refuses to allow that. You know that staying in doors, in bed, is not helping you. Yet getting up is much too difficult. Sleep seems to evade you. Taunting you as if it knows your desperation for it to claim you. The lack of food, sleep and your overwhelming feelings seem to control your everyday thought. You know it's wrong and that you should ask for help but the energy to do that is missing.

That's why you turned to an older coping mechanism. You didn't mean to. It was a moment of weakness and not one you had planned to do again. You felt guilt as sin. Yet when you did it god the numbness was something you craved. But you couldn't do that again, it was a dangerous path that was extremely hard for you to crawl your way back from. Scars littered your arms now and they served as a reminder, self harm was not and is not the way forward. So for days you focused so hard on not giving into the urge, it was draining you but at least it worked.

As a never it felt wrong to even consider reaching out for help, it was weakness. Never's aren't weak. Weakness got you in a vulnerable space, something you really can't afford. Yet for some reason you had bonded rather well with the one and only Dean of Evil. Your recent slip into your seasonal depression had you pulling away from Leonora, something she didn't take too well. At first she assumed you were unwell, after all no one can stay in perfect health all the time, but soon it became apparent something darker was lurking behind your dorm room door. Something perhaps you were trying to hide. She trusted in you to find her when you felt ready, she had told you day or night she would be there for you and had truly meant every word.

Tonight, you broke. Fighting this battle alone was terrifying, and you didn't trust yourself to not fall back into that bad habit, you knew what would happen if you stayed in the room alone. You knew where to find your collection of sharp objects and how your control would dwindle fast just by the sight of them. You could feel the sensations of them on your skin. This was dangerous territory and you knew it. So without thinking you fled. Seeing the outside of your dorm for the first time in days. The candle light seemed awfully too bright and overwhelming from what you remember, was it always this cold? Briefly, you considered going back to hibernate under your blankets and just wait this out, but the sensations on your arm reminding you just how much of a terrible idea it truly was. So you ran.

Your body mindlessly taking you to your safe place, your home. Before you even knew it you were up the hall standing outside of Lesso's chambers. A luxury only had been given, for this exact reason. Yet here you stood, willing yourself to stay put and knock. Yet your mind was telling you to go back to the room and give in. Give in to the demon that plagued you. You need it. But you don't want it. And that's what makes you knock. Small timid knocked in a carefully designed pattern alerted the older women of your presence. And when that door opened, you felt your heart shatter into a million pieces.

This was absolutely terrifying, but you were more scared of your own mind right now. Your body reacting instantly by seeing the women, you threw yourself in her direction causing your body to slam into hers. Sobs tore through your body as she brought her arms around your quivering form. At this point you didn't know what was real and what was in your mind. Was she holding you? The words you hear, are the created by your mind? You didn't know, and truthfully you didn't care right now. You needed her and she was here, in person or in your mind , but that didn't matter. She was here when you needed her just as she had promised to be.

Soon enough you had settled on her sofa in front of the fire being cocooned by her strong arms and words of reassurance and encouragement being whispered into your hair as you let it all out. Tears and muffled apologises for pushing her away, hurting yourself and not being strong enough. Each and every fear she squashed and by the end of it you had snuggled closer and fallen into the first restful sleep you'd had in god knows how long.

Word count~ 1170

#fanfic #lady lesso #sfgae #leonora lesso #lady lesso x reader #lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso #leonora lesso x reader #dean of evil #send anons #anon request

[brightgnosis]

My brain is in some kind of Gremlin Mode today, apparently.

➸ Desperate craving and desire to cronch things, but nothing is cronchy to brain in The Right Way™, so perpetually snacky.

➸ Desire to create 5 billion new Oils and Incenses because now I have cleaned out my Formulation Stash and it has resulted in many new (clean! empty!) bottles to do Things™ with.

➸ Miley Cyrus' "Flowers" perpetually stuck on repeat in head for why ??? What reason ???

➸ Watching a video on Communal Living turns into "Why do I actually want to move out to the farm" train of questioning thought (because yeah, actually, multigenerational living is cheaper and we don't really have that bad of a deal here and also community access)- which quickly turns into "Oh yeah, because I want space to do Things™ which I cannot do here" (Particularly: Having the space to make Things™ like Oils, Incenses, Spices, and Teas. And since buying is no longer an option for us, we're now stuck with the Farm as our only alternative for space).

➸ Brain is repeatedly trying to get me to make a new Fire because "firebug, firebug, he ha he" ... It is plenty warm down here. Apparently a part of my brain is just in Pyromaniac Mode™.

I'm blaming the Steroids, man. Because I have felt like a Ferret stuck on Crystal Meth for a week now, with my brain just on this never-ending Roller Coaster ride of nonstop nonsense, constantly; I literally get zero break from my thoughts anymore. They're all just this absolutely feral creature running around on their own, uncontrolled, and I literally feel like a passive observer just stuck in the back corner of my own mind watching my own thoughts like like ??????????? at myself, completely unable to control anything. It's such a wild feeling and I'm not a fan.

I cannot wait to be off this Prednisone, man.

#Personal #2024 #Religion & Magic #Daily Life #Alphabet Soup #Post Covid Conditions #Chronic Migraine

[sourseat]

we're 1/4 through the year its time to check in with the goals and vibes

this post is so long

so tbh i haven't been thinking much about the goals and vibes i set at the start of the year. in fact rereading them there are many i had forgotten about lol. so let's revisit

theme no. 1 was self-assurance. i was feeling insecure last year apparently (how quickly i forget...) and wanted to feel solid in myself. i think this is feeling good! i'm not sure it needs to be theme no. 1 anymore! but i'll keep it because it is nice to feel self-assured. feeling insecure is not pleasant.

theme 2 was consume less. this is pretty good and remains a theme i am vibing with

third theme is let go of clinging to / craving stability and certainty. yeah i think i have integrated this. stability is something i might pursue but not something i will expect.

and the goals

join a choir / sing regularly in some form - nixed for now. not vibing.

do at least one overnight camping hike (hopefully more) - okay its so windy here maybe i'll hike and stay in huts or something idk about camping. we'll see!!

go to the pole studio in the town i'll be living in and suss the vibe. if the vibe is good enroll in classes! - i haven't been to the one closest to me yet!! but i will soon and have been to another studio so :)

keep journaling (i've journaled each day this year!) or at least remember journaling is there, and is helpful (i've noticed i tend to journal a lot in Jan and then stop) - i have kept up the journaling! not every day but at least a few times a week.

figure out how i want to have meditation in my life - a work in progress but this is moving up the priority list rn. i have been anxious. meditation helps w that for me.

sort out my digital archives - i haven't started this and the thought of doing so is deeply overwhelming in the terrible way where it gets more overwhelming the longer i wait

finish editing all my half edited videos - : / nope and i'm about to lose access to premiere pro so !! ???

read more poetry, memorise 3 poems (i'm memorising the raven at the moment, it is so long that it might take me all year) - i forgot about this lol, i'm kinda still into it but its low on the list

do PhD revisions and be finished with the phd for REAL - i submitted a draft to my supervisor! nearly done :)

write (at least) one article based on the phd (a reluctant goal. i must.) - feeling confident i will do this due to the environment i am in!

okay some good goals in here. i have been thinking i wanna do some prioritisaiton. that is a long list of goals up there. too many. so here are the ones i am gonna keep in mind for now

Work + career development - stay on top of my job, submit articles, apply for conferences. i am gonna have to keep living for my whole life somehow so i'd best use this time to set myself up to be able to get a job in this field i have spent a bunch of time in.

Meditation + journaling - really wanna get a good vibe with meditation again. Still unsure what this will look like but will prioritise figuring it out.

Organising - there's a genocide happening and I'm not doing shit. wanna get connected with organising communities here. weird being in a new place and not knowing anyone.

Pole + stretching - feeling strong in pole classes recently has felt sooooo good! And dancing... I love it. I think there's not much else in my life here yet that brings that level of joy.

Maintain relationships w people in Aus - this is like a time consuming thing that requires thought! I somehow did not foresee this! And I do want to prioritise it. Messaging people, scheduling calls, this kinda thing. I don't really like messaging generally lol so, it is on the list!!

Travel - I want to see Ireland and Europe while I'm here! And can already sense how easy it will be for two years to pass without me going anywhere.

And backburner goals

Do an overnight hike

Sort out my digital archives

Read + memorise more poetry.

#resolutions

[the-fluffiest-trainer]

Like this? I just talk and it... oh, yes, it's writing the words! How does it know how to do that?

Uh, well, hi everyone? Can I delete that earlier part? And that too? This would be so much easier if I had those "hand" things to actually press all these tiny buttons...

Let me start over. Hi everyone, my name is Fluttershy, and I... don't really know what I'm doing here? Or where "here" is? Or anything about these two legged people with their hands and their fancy devices that write for you when you talk into them, but at least they all seem nice so far, and that's good. This girl named Shauna gave me this device and she says I'm in a place called Kalos, but I've never heard of it.

Apparently there's a professor who knows about me already, and sent four kids out to find me? That's nice of him, and maybe he knows more about how I fell into this world. If any of you, whoever it is in here that I'm talking to, uh, however that works... if you know anything or have any advice, and... I don't know how I'm going to actually hear you, to be honest, but I guess this thingy takes care of it?

I wish my friends were here. Maybe they are? I remember Twilight, fighting for all of us but we couldn't help her, and... something... and then falling from the sky, and I barely got my wings under me before hitting the ground in this strange little town. I should definitely go find this Professor Sycamore and see what he knows.

(OOC info under the cut)

Hey everyone, this is a pokeblogging rp blog for Fluttershy from MLP:FiM. She has no idea what pokemon (or humans) are and honestly, out of character I don't either because I've made it to nearly 30 without ever playing a pokemon game before now. At the recommendation of a good friend who's also into the pokeblogging scene here, I'm starting with Pokemon X.

In general the blog is typically lowish stakes and sfw, and I'm open to interaction with any other pokeblogs, Fallers or otherwise (just be nice and everything should be okay). Given the plot of Pokemon X, some higher stakes will occur occasionally when dealing with Team Flare. Tags "#mid stakes pokeblogging" and "#high stakes pokeblogging" will be used as appropriate.

Twilight Sparkle is also here, having Fallen into Kalos several months before Fluttershy. Others of the Mane Six have landed elsewhere in the pokemon world and have been mentioned, but have not appeared on the blog.

Headcanons / conventions taken with this timeline include:

All pokemon are sapient, but most cannot communicate in human language. Fluttershy's talent of speaking with animals carries over to pokemon as well.

Fluttershy is the equivalent of mid to late 20s in human terms, but the kids she meets are still kids, maybe mid teens or so.

Consistent font colors used:

Fluttershy: Standard black text

Visual description in videos: [Bracketed italicized black text]

Arden (Fluttershy's braixen): Orange text

Twilight: Purple text

Lysandre: Orange bolded text

Team Flare grunts: usually red text

Fluttershy's pokemon team:

Arden: braixen, trans girl, almost as fluffy as Fluttershy herself. She craves violence. She operates the holocaster sometimes for typing or taking videos.

Talia: kirlia, girl, forcibly adopted a trainer so she can battle and eventually evolve.

Sienna/Muffin: skitty, girl, caught by Twilight and then given to Fluttershy via Professor Sycamore.

Keseph: amaura, girl, resurrected from a fossil in Ambrette Town.

Osha: absol (shiny), girl, found in the woods around Geosenge Town trying to warn about some sort of danger there.

N/A

Twilight's pokemon team:

Luna: espeon, girl, found Twilight right after she Fell and never left.

Raya: lucario, girl, sought out Twilight based on aura senses and led her to meet humans for the first time.

Spike Jr.: crobat, boy, given as a gift by Lysandre.

N/A

N/A

N/A

Content warnings for this blog:

Canonical events of Pokemon X

Trainers can be affected by pokemon moves if improperly targeted

General blanket warning for post-apocalyptic themes

Other notes:

Sometimes I take liberties with game mechanics in favor of writing something that makes more sense from a perspective of actually living in this world and seeing pokemon battles and such. This may include:

I will typically ignore the physical vs special distinction for moves, stats, and so on.

I will ignore the effect of Natures on stats.

I usually forget that Abilities exist, or at least ones outside of the usual STAB. I do know STAB and it makes sense to exist.

While types do exist, I consider the advantage factor to be less than the games' value of 2. Probably more like sqrt(2), so super effective moves do 141% damage and not very effective is 71%.

On some occasions, I may even ignore a type matchup if narrative reasons or simple common sense contradict the game logic.

If the game goes to such lengths to obscure the actual values of IVs and EVs from me, then screw it, they don't exist. Every pokemon has IVs that make it good at the things its species is meant to be good at.

In general, all this basically means I'm taking an approach closer to the anime than the games. I have no prior experience with either, I just want something that makes sense and doesn't require being Autisms Georg about pokemon just to run a blog.

#pokeblog rp #rotomblr #pokeblogging intro #pokeblogging #pokemon irl