#back on tumblr for the first time in a decade am I doing this right? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justagalwhowrites · 6 months

Text

Yearling Ch. 18 - Reverse

Joel leaves for a longer patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-17 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut :D. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 7.7k

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It was surprisingly easy to fall into a life with Joel.

It probably helped that he was the person you spent the most time with, anyway. Since you’d started borrowing the guitar, you were at his house nearly as much as you were at your own. You’d had to earmark time to spend with Ellie - who wanted so little to do with Joel that even sitting on his front porch was out of the question - but otherwise, you were at least near him a lot. Add in patrol time, the fact that he talked you into movie nights and mess hall dinners and you realized, suddenly, that you were already living alongside him.

It just became more purposeful now.

You were dreading the next time Joel went on patrol - he went out far more frequently than you did - because it would mean a change in this new, comfortable but somehow still exciting way of being.

“I’m only gonna be gone three days, baby,” Joel said as you leaned against him over lunch at the stables, the two of you sitting on the ground with your backs against a wall, your legs straight in front of you so the toe of your boot would brush his leg when you moved. You frowned, eating another berry.

“I know,” you sighed. “Still gonna miss you.”

“Careful,” you could hear the smile on his voice. “Might think you like me or something.”

“Ugh,” you smiled a little. “Can’t have that. It’ll go right to your head, you’ll be insufferable.”

“According to Tommy I’m that already.”

You laughed a little.

“What’s the movie tonight?” You asked. “If I’m giving up alone time with you just before you leave, it had better be worth it.”

“Might have talked Maria into Titanic…”

You shot up off his shoulder to look at him and he smiled.

“Really?” You asked.

“Really,” he smiled a little bigger.

“I haven’t seen that movie since before the outbreak!” You were damn near giddy. Joel laughed. “Hey, don’t make fun of me, not all of us had the luxury of fuckin’ electricity over the last two decades alright?”

“Not making fun,” he was still chuckling and you glared. “Swear I’m not, Sweetheart. You’re just very cute when you’re excited.”

“OK first of all, I ain’t cute,” you said, getting on your knees next to him. “I’m intimidating.”

“Very,” he agreed, trying not to laugh.

“I am!”

“Not arguin’, Baby,” he said. “You’re very intimidating. Just also very cute and very sexy.”

You snorted.

“Now you’re making fun,” he said, grabbing your hips and pulling you onto his lap so you were straddling him. “Don’t get to just make fun of my woman without consequences.”

“Oh, I’m your woman now?” You raised your eyebrows but your heart swelled with it.

“Ain’t you?” He cocked his head, his hands moved to your thighs, the wide spread of them sinking into your flesh through your jeans.

You kissed him instead of replying and he stretched up into it, tugging you closer, your arms going around his neck, his tongue sliding past your lips to meet yours.

“Alright,” he panted after a minute. “Not sure the movie is worth it now, should just get you home as quick as possible…”

You laughed and kissed him again, lighter this time.

“Brought this on yourself,” you said, smiling against him. “Shouldn’t have tried to be so nice to me.”

“No good deed,” he kissed you and you laughed before you sat back from him, lacing your fingers with Joel’s.

“Now that you’ve promised me Titanic, we have to go,” you toyed with this hands. He smiled.

“Not THAT good a movie…” he teased.

“Excuse you,” you said. “It has action and history and romance. It’s the perfect movie!”

You leaned forward so the tip of your nose brushed his.

“I’ll make it worth your while,” you smiled.

He laughed a little.

“Never thought you’d be talkin’ me into movie night,” he said. “But since you really wanna go that bad…” You smiled. “Can’t go drooling over that Leonardo whatever the fuck his name is, though. Gotta draw the line somewhere.”

“That’s fine,” you smiled wider and kissed him one more time, grinning mischievously when you were done. “Always thought Kate was hotter, anyway.”

You got up and helped him off the ground before he slung an arm over your shoulders and pulled you close enough to kiss your cheek and you smiled again. Smiled because it was Joel and anything with him seemed to make you happy. Smiled because you wanted to do so much more than kiss him. Smiled because touching him like this didn’t scare you.

Proximity and touch still set you off with almost everyone else - Ellie the only other notable exception - but with Joel, it was a comfort. It meant he was close and you knew he was safe, so different from the men who had tormented you he may as well be a separate species. You wouldn’t mind spending the rest of your life with at least one of his hands on you all the damn time, some physical representation of the connection you felt toward him there for you to ground yourself in.

“Meet you at yours before dinner?” He asked and you nodded.

He separated from you before you got to the door of the stable. With the exception of Tommy, no one knew that you and Joel were together now. Jackson was a small town, you’d rather everyone wasn’t talking about you behind your back. It felt too new to share with all these people. You hadn’t even bothered to label it yourselves, never explicitly discussing any of it. You’d just both assumed that you’d be spending as much time as possible together now and touching when you did. That was fine by you. It was nice, having the feelings be quiet and private. You didn’t want to share them before you had a chance to fully understand them yourself.

“See you then, Sweetheart.”

Joel looked at you for a moment before he went to go back to work, a soft look in his eyes that made your heart race and heat pool low in your stomach. Like he wanted to just keep looking at you for a while, like he wanted to do nothing more than just be next to you.

You watched him go, his broad shoulders and shaggy hair, and a thought settled comfortably into your skin. You loved him. You likely had for a while, you realized, just too afraid of what that meant to see it properly.

You’d never loved someone you hadn’t lost. You’d just started to accept it with Justin when you had to kill him. Marisa moved on while you stayed behind, heart aching and desperately lonely, praying that she’d made it, that she was safe and happy and had found someone who could love her the way she deserved. Mark you’d never even had a chance to say goodbye to.

The love you had for Joel felt different and the life you led here felt different, too. You’d only ever been in love during the end of the world, all of it tinged in desperation and fear, knowing there was a very real chance that the two of you might get torn apart or shot or changed into an infected, mindless thing. It made things desperate and needy and intense.

Jackson was different. It had given you the space to start to come back into yourself, find the version of you that had been buried by fear and pain for years. It let you feel secure enough that you could grow to love Joel instead of being thrown into affection only to have no choice than to fight against drowning in it.

But you were still apprehensive of it. You were in love with Joel. More in love with him than you’d been with anyone else. What if fate decided to take him, too? What if Jackson had lulled you into a false sense of security and he was in just as much danger here as he would be in the wilderness?

You tried not to think about it as you got back to work. You’d lost so much, you weren’t sure you could survive losing Joel, too.

You tried to focus on movie night, on taking Joel to bed after and not on the fact that he was going to be leaving Jackson to look for trouble.

It was Joel. Everything was going to be fine. It had to be.

***

“You’re pushin’ it,” Joel whispered in your ear as you pressed closer, your hand on the inside of his thigh.

“No idea what you mean,” you whispered back. “Watch the movie, Rose is about to get naked, don’t want to miss that…”

His lips trailed over your cheek, your temple until they were close enough that they brushed your ear when he spoke.

“Be better if it was you.”

You turned and raised your eyebrows at him.

“Bullshit I’m hotter than Kate Winslet.”

He didn’t respond - even though you were. Instead, he lifted your chin and kissed you, trying not to think about undressing you, sinking into your wet heat, swallowing your desperate little sounds as you came.

He was still amazed that he had you. He hadn’t even really considered something like this before you. That part of his life seemed long over. But he’d never imagined someone like you and now he couldn’t imagine life without you. He didn’t want to.

You pulled away from him and he could just make out the needy look in your eyes in the light from the projector.

“Wearing only this,” the movie said and you elbowed him.

“Stop distracting me.”

“Not doing a damn thing.”

He tried to not kiss you again, just let his hand trail up and down your bare arm as you pressed closer to him but after a few minutes you twisted in his arms and reached up, your fingers knotting in his hair and pulling Joel’s lips to your own.

“Thought you wanted to watch the movie,” he said quietly between kisses, happy the two of you had sat tucked in a slightly more private corner.

“Shut up.”

He laughed and kissed you one more time before you turned back to the screen.

As much as he wanted to get you home and get you naked, it was almost as fun to watch you watch the movie. You were more relaxed than he’d ever seen you at movie night, the usual tension in your body nowhere to be found. He couldn’t help but look at you, your eyes wide and bright as you watched, every emotion playing out, unguarded, on your face.

Definitely better than Kate Winslet naked.

He walked to your house with an arm slung around your shoulders, your hand dangling from his like being against him wasn’t quite enough for you.

“As good as you remember?” He asked and you laughed.

“So fucking good. I’d forgotten a lot of it, almost like watching it for the first time. Shouldn’t have been too surprised about that, though. Lot about life here is like that.”

“Yeah?” He asked, looking at you and fuck you were so damn pretty.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I heard the electricity in the walls for the first week or so I was here. Weird as fuck and then one day I woke up and I’d just gotten used to it, my brain learned how to tune it out again. Took a while to remember that I could just flip a light switch when it was dark, that I have a fridge to keep things cold and that I don’t need a fire if I want to heat something up.”

You made it to your door, the light on in your entry way, a little stained glass lamp that glowed in the night. You unlocked the door and pulled Joel inside, wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your warm, soft body against him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to that, the feel of you against him, wanting and beautiful.

“Lot of that with you, too,” you said, your eyes gentle and earnest. It was a look, Joel thought, that was reserved just for him. You looked only at him with your guard down, looked only at him in a way that made you vulnerable and open. He liked that part of you seemed to belong only to him. It felt like so much of him belonged only to you.

He kissed you, slow and easy.

“For me, too,” his nose brushed yours and you turned out the light before taking him upstairs.

Joel liked undressing you, more than he remembered liking it with anyone else before. He liked that he took his shirts off your body, sliding the sleeves down your arms after untying it from your waist, revealing the smooth skin of your shoulders and neck, just the hint of your breasts spilling over the top of your tank top below.

Your breaths got needy, panting around quiet little moans as your fingers deftly opened Joel’s shirt, movements getting rougher as you shoved it down his arms, frustrated groans when you couldn’t get it off right away.

“In such a hurry,” he said quietly, breathlessly.

You nipped at his lower lip.

“Want you,” you said. “Can’t help it.”

You gave up on the shirt, instead moving to his jeans, unbuttoning them, your hand reaching inside, finding his hard length with a contented sigh. Your thumb brushed his head and he moaned into your mouth, your touch sending a shudder through him, the hot ache of want flowing out from the root of his cock through the center of him, through his limbs, his fingers, his whole body driven toward you.

You gently spread the precome leaking from his head over his cock and he had to fight to focus on something else - anything else - to avoid the risk of spilling into your hand.

It took effort, conscious fucking effort, to not come too fast with you. Part of it, he was sure, was the fact that no one but himself had touched him in years. But the fact that it was you made it worse. You’d overwhelmed him on a level he’d never known before, in a way he wouldn’t have thought possible. The lightest touch from you was more intense, like he was hyperaware of it, every sensation reaching more than just his skin but instead to the very center of him.

He’d backed you into your bed and you pulled your mouth from his, eyes wide and needy.

“Can I try something?” You panted.

“Course,” his hand went to your face, his thumb tight along the ridge of your cheekbone, his fingers slipping into your hair. “Told you before, you can do whatever you want with me.”

You nodded and and turned with him, so he was against the bed instead of you. You pulled away from him enough to push his shirt down his arms and cast it aside before sliding off his pants, too. He stood, bare and exposed, in front of you as you looked into his eyes before you kissed him, nudging him down into sitting up on the edge of the bed.

You followed him down, your hands going to his thighs to spread them and settle yourself between them. Your lips left his and trailed down his neck, his chest as you knelt in front of him, kisses cutting a burning path to the root of him.

“Baby,” he groaned through gritted teeth. “Don’t have to do this…”

“Thought you said I could do whatever I want?” You looked up at him, sitting back on your heels. You pulled your tank top up and over your head before you unhooked your bra, revealing your full breasts, nipples peaked with need. “Well, I want to taste you.”

Your hand wrapped around his length before you brought your mouth to his tip, pressing just your tongue to it and giving the head of him a delicate lick, your eyes on his the entire time.

“Fuck,” he panted, his hands clutching onto your blankets. The edges of your lips curved up, almost smiling before taking the head of him in your mouth with a delicious moan. He watched, enthralled, as you took him into you, your tongue pressing into the thick underside of him as you went. Joel resisted the urge to move his hips, to fuck into your soft, warm, wet mouth, fought to let you take him at your own pace. And then you were damn near swallowing him, his head pushing into your throat as you moaned around him, the vibration of your pleasure igniting the heat deep inside him. “Jesus Christ…”

You sucked him harder for a moment before you started moving over him, sliding your mouth up and down his shaft. He had to stop looking at you for a moment, had to tilt his head back to look up at the ceiling, the sight of your lips stretched around him too much for him to take. He fought the drive to tangle his fingers in your hair and guide your mouth over him.

But it was like you read his mind, your hand leaving his thigh and finding his, guiding it to your head and leaving it there as your hand returned to his leg.

“God damn,” he managed. “Just… fuck, squeeze my legs if it’s too much.”

You moaned in response and his fingers latched onto you, moving you up and down his cock at his own pace. You sucked and worked your tongue around him as he did, pressing into the thick vein along the bottom of him. He was getting dangerously close to coming in your mouth, right where he didn’t want to come. He needed to be inside you, needed to feel you coming around him, needed to fill your pussy with him, so much of him that you’d feel him inside of you for the days he was gone.

When it felt like he was inches away from finishing he pulled you from him, whole body tense and aching. You looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together.

“Don’t want to come before I properly have you,” he panted. “Need inside you.”

“Good,” you wiped your mouth on the back of your wrist, messy with your spit and his precome. “Because I need you, too.”

You stood between his legs and went to take your pants off but he brushed your hands aside, pulling you close so he could kiss your stomach, your hips, your scars as he unbuttoned your jeans and slid them and your underwear down together. He heard your breath catch as his hands slid around the back of you, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass as he looked up at you, his lips against your skin.

You moved to straddle him, your knees bracketing his hips and you aligned his head with your entrance, your wet heat so close he could feel you over him. Your eyes searched his for a moment as he held you close, the sensation of you threatening to overwhelm him. You kissed him with a moan, hard and deep, as you sank onto his cock.

“Fuck Baby,” he moaned, feeling you stretch over him, the velvet vise of you as you made room for him inside of you. “Fuck, you feel… Jesus Christ.”

You took him fully in you and settled on him for a moment. He could feel every twitch of your muscles as you adjusted to his size, feel the thrum of your pulse, the wetness that covered and enveloped him. You were heaven incarnate and it was impossible to not feel like a trespasser inside something as good as you.

He watched you as you started to move over him, slow at first, steady, the rise and fall of you in line with your shaking breaths. Joel couldn’t help but marvel at you, that you trusted him enough to be with him this way, that you were willing to share yourself with him this way.

He knew this was no small thing. That you used to shock away from his touch and that now you reached for him, took him inside yourself into your most intimate and vulnerable place seemed nothing short of miraculous and something in him, even now, was terrified of losing this with you. Joel wasn’t sure why you’d picked him of all people to trust but he was going to do everything he could to keep it.

You increased your pace, your hips moving over him so his head was catching against a soft place deep inside you, a place that made your breaths stutter.

“Joel,” you moaned, pressing your ass back into his hands and his grip got tighter. “Fuck, you’re so deep…”

He helped leverage your thrust down and he felt your core tighten around him, a sharp little spasm, as he did.

“I know Baby,” he groaned. “Can feel you getting close, feel you wanting to come on me.”

“I do,” you almost winced as you came down hard on him again. “Fuck, I’m so close. Want you to come too, Joel, want to feel you…”

“I’ll come when you do,” he said, his teeth gritted, his hold on you tightening. “Just come for me, come for me and I’ll fill you up so good, Sweetheart, promise I will, just come for me.”

You rode him faster and harder for a moment before you thrust him deep and he felt you come apart around him, your walls fluttering over him as you cried out with it.

“Atta girl, fuck,” he thrust his hips up to press himself ever so slightly deeper as you milked his cock and he gave himself over to the orgasm it felt like he’d been holding off for an eternity, spilling into you deep and hard.

Joel collapsed back onto your bed, taking you with him so you were draped over him, his softening cock still deep inside you.

“Think you should talk Tommy into letting you stay home,” you said, voice sleepy.

Joel laughed a little, his hands splayed wide over your back.

“Only a few days,” he kissed the top of your head, feeling the weight of you on his chest as he breathed, the reassurance that you were close.

“I know,” you sighed. “Just gotten used to you being here. I like you in my bed. Or being in yours.”

“Me too,” he said softly, moving to trace the line of your spine.

“You’ll be safe?” You lifted your head from his chest enough to look at him, your eyes wide.

“I’ll be safe,” he tucked you back against his chest and kissed your head. “Nothing gonna stop me from comin’ home to you.”

The next morning, you stayed closer than usual as the two of you got ready to go. You pulled him into shower with you, pressing your body tight to him, working his cock with your hand as he gently circled your clit until he came on your stomach and you all but collapsed with the force of your orgasm, Joel holding you close, keeping you both from falling to the tile floor.

But after, it shifted. He washed your hair, fingers gentle on your scalp as he worked the shampoo through it. You cleaned his chest, your soapy hands running over his skin, tracing little patterns on him. Once you were both clean, you pressed yourself against him, the hot water running over both of you, and you reached up to knot your fingers in his hair and kiss him, seemingly just happy to touch him with nothing between you for a while.

“You go on ahead to the stables,” he said as the two of you left your house, your still damp hair braided, one of Joel’s shirts on with the sleeves rolled up and the bottom knotted around your waist. “Know you’ve got a lot to do and I’ll be a few minutes, too busy spendin’ time with you to get packed.”

“But…” you frowned but he kissed your forehead.

“See you in a few.”

Joel watched you continue on to the stables before he went inside.

He really did need to get packed but there was one other thing he wanted to check on, one you didn’t know about and he didn’t want you to until it was done.

Joel packed his bag quickly and went into the small workshop on the back of the house. The guitar he’d been making for you for months now was sitting there, propped up so the finish he’d applied had a chance to dry. He delicately tested the wood and his finger didn’t stick. He smiled a little. He’d cut it close but it was done.

You so loved playing, it seemed wrong that you didn’t have a guitar of your own. But Joel still wanted you to have some connection to him when you played, even if you weren’t using his instrument anymore. So he made you one. It had been slow going, things seeming not quite right or just not good enough for you. But he’d focused on getting it finished up for you, spending what seemed like every second he wasn’t with you or working finishing it up.

He got some strings he’d set aside for it and the tuning pegs and bridge pins before heading for the stables, finding you there saddling up horses for the patrol team.

“Still the first one here,” you smiled over your shoulder at him.

“Good,” he said, coming over and kissing your temple. “Like getting another few minutes with you. Think I can have your attention for a minute?”

“Think I can manage that,” you smiled, turning to properly face him, your hands in your back pockets. “Don’t think we can get up to much trouble in here, though, no time…”

“Not lookin’ for trouble,” he said, lifting the guitar by the neck and holding it out to you. You frowned and took it. “Thought you’d like something to play while I’m gone.”

“This isn’t your guitar,” you said, your eyebrows knitted together as you looked over the instrument in your hands.

“No,” Joel smiled. “It’s yours.”

Your head flew up, eyes wide.

“You’re joking.”

“M’not,” he smiled. “Made it for you.”

“You made this?” You gaped at him. He laughed and nodded. “Joel… I… this is…”

“You get it on one condition,” he said. You nodded eagerly and he tried not to laugh again. “You still come by even though you don’t need to borrow mine anymore.”

“Think that can be arranged,” you said, misty eyed as you looked back down at the guitar. “This is so… Joel…”

“Just take care of yourself while I’m gone,” he said. “I’m comin’ back to you as quick as I can.”

You threw the arm not holding the neck of the guitar around his neck and kissed him.

“You better come back in one piece,” you said, breathless. “Gotta thank you properly for this.”

Joel felt good as the patrols got underway, the pairs of horses leaving Jackson with him and Tommy bringing up the rear. Just a few days and he’d be back. Back to you and the life he was finding with you here.

“Joel!”

Ellie’s sharp voice stopped him. He looked back over his shoulder to see her standing at the gate, her arms crossed, looking upset.

“One minute,” he told Tommy, riding back to Ellie and dismounting. “Baby Girl, everything OK?”

“You just had to take her from me, didn’t you?” She stared him down.

“What…” he frowned but she cut him off.

“You know how many people I have that aren’t yours in some way?” She demanded. “People who can help me who aren’t also just trying to fucking figure everything out?”

“Ellie, I don’t…”

“I had someone!” She looked hurt. “Bambi was mine, she was my fucking friend and now that you’re doing… whatever the fuck it is you’re doing, she’ll pick you and she’ll leave me.”

Joel sighed and closed his eyes for a second. This wasn’t how he’d wanted Ellie to find out, he should have been more careful at the movies the night before instead of making out with you like some damn teenager in the back row, he was sure that’s what had done it.

“Kiddo, I know how much she cares about you, she wouldn’t…”

“Does she know?” Ellie snapped cutting him off. “Does she know about all the shit you’ve done? Does she know everything you did in that fucking hospital?” Something on Joel’s face must have told Ellie the answer, the horror there. She smirked. “Didn’t think so. You really think she’ll still want you after that? After everything you’ve done? Because I don’t.”

His heart sank. He’d never told you about what he’d done for Ellie, didn’t want you to know the whole truth of what he’d been before he went to the QZ. He wanted to be something different for you, something better, wanted to pretend like who he’d been before was dead and gone because, in so many ways, it felt like he was.

“Ellie.”

“Good luck on patrol,” she turned on her heel and walked away.

“Joel!” Tommy yelled as he watched Ellie leave. “Let’s go, you’re holdin’ everything up!”

He debated, for a moment, telling Tommy that he couldn’t go. That something had come up, that he had to stay and handle it.

But the patrol needed to happen. Things had gone too long already, the new horses only recently to the point that the further flung checks could happen. Him staying back would leave a vital place unchecked.

He got back on his horse and followed Tommy, trying not to think about Ellie’s unspoken threat. She might hate him but she wasn’t cruel, would she really do something like that just to hurt him?

It was all he could think about. How to fix the damaged relationship with the girl he felt was his daughter, how to tell you the truth of everything he’d done, how he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he lost you the way he’d lost her.

He didn’t sleep well the first night out on patrol and he was still distracted the next day.

Distracted enough that he was missing things, Tommy the only one of the two of them catching any signs of infected.

Distracted enough that he didn’t know anyone else was there until the shooting started.

***

Joel made you a guitar.

He made you a fucking guitar.

A whole instrument, just made it for you. Because he wanted to give you something you so desperately wanted.

You weren’t sure you’d ever been so touched by anything.

Once you were done at the stables for the day, you went straight home to string your guitar and play it. You’d had to force yourself to actually do your job for the first time since you’d started working at the stables, the instrument sitting in the corner, a constant reminder of what you’d rather be doing.

You’d already decided to skip dinner, didn’t care much about doing anything but this. You just got the guitar set, started playing the first chords the instrument had ever had, when there was a sharp knock on your door. You groaned and considered ignoring it before you set the guitar next to you on the couch and headed for the door, Ellie looking upset through the glass.

“Hey Kid,” you frowned. “Everything OK? I know Joel’s gone but I can help if…”

“Can I talk to you?” She asked. “Inside?”

“Sure,” you stepped aside and opened the door. “Come on in.”

You led the way to the living room and picked the guitar back up, playing random chords as Ellie paced. She stopped after a moment, looking at you.

“Nice guitar.”

“Joel made it,” you smiled, couldn’t help it. “Just now breaking it in…”

“So you and Joel,” she cut you off. You froze for a second, your hand hovering over the strings. “Thought you said you weren’t fucking him.”

“Pretty sure I also said that whatever and whoever I did in bed was none of your business,” you replied.

“There’s shit about him you don’t know,” she said.

You shrugged.

“Shit about me he doesn’t know, too. We’ve both lived a lot of life, I’ll never know everything about him.”

“You should know this,” she said, sitting next to you on the couch. “You deserve to know the kind of person he is.”

You frowned, the look on her face making your stomach clench.

If it had been anyone else, you’d have brushed it off. It was Joel. You knew Joel. He was a good man, the kind of man who loved a child who wasn’t his, who hadn’t judged you for everything that had happened to you.

But you also knew Ellie and you’d never seen her like this. She was a kid but she was a smart kid, a kid who had survived a lot.

And something had driven her and Joel apart.

“Alright,” you said, setting the guitar down gently on your coffee table. “Tell me.”

She looked at you for a moment before she took a deep breath and rolled up her sleeve. You frowned and she held it out to you, her wrist to her elbow covered in scar tissue.

“What did Joel tell you about me?” She asked.

“That you’re from Boston, an orphan,” you said. “Had some family out west, he was hired to get you to them, they were dead before you got here…”

“He lied.”

She took your hand and guided it to a spot on the scarring, making you trace it with your fingertips.

“What’s that feel like?”

“I dunno,” you shrugged. “Like scar tissue… Ellie, did Joel do this to you?”

“No,” she almost laughed. “No, I did this to myself. Most of it. Except the part your touching.”

“What?” You frowned, looking at her. “Why would you do this to yourself, I don’t…”

“Does that feel like a bite?” She asked. Your frown deepened. “Because that’s what it is. It’s a bite from an infected.”

You took your hand back and you glared at her.

“That shit isn’t funny, Kid,” you said, probably sterner than you should have. “You weren’t alive yet during the outbreak but I lost people to shit like bites, everyone fucking did, it’s not a goddamn joke.”

“I know it’s not,” she said, her face open and honest. She took your hands. “I know it’s not a joke, it’s not a joke to me either, I lost people, too, OK? That’s how I got bit in the first place, I was goofing off in a place I shouldn’t have been with… we got bit. She turned. I didn’t.”

You just stared at her for a moment.

“Ellie,” you shook your head. “No, that… that’s not possible, you’re wrong, you weren’t really bit or…”

“Trust me, I was bit,” she said. “I’ve been bit twice now, actually. I get bit, it hurts but nothing happens. I don’t change. I’m immune.”

“You’re…”

You couldn’t say it. Instead you just looked at her arm again, gingerly reaching your hand out to trace your thumb over the odd pattern of bumps below the scarring. The one that was shaped like a bite.

“No one knows,” she said. “No one except Joel and Tommy. I have to keep it a secret, who knows what people would do if they knew. So I gave myself a chemical burn to cover the bites.”

You looked at her again. Whether this was true or not, you weren’t sure, but Ellie believed it was. That you could tell, that was the part that mattered.

“What does this have to do with you and Joel?” You asked, taking your hands back again.

“Joel was hired to take me across the country,” she said. “But not to my family. He was hired to bring me to a research facility where they were developing a cure, they wanted to use me to fix everything. They had a doctor who knew how to do it, who could find a way to set everything right.”

“That’s incredible,” you said. You knew nothing about medicine beyond basic first aid to keep yourself alive but it sounded impossible. If it was doable, it seemed like someone would have done it by now. “So what happened? There’s not a cure floating around out there, right? I’ve been pretty out of the loop but…”

“He got me this far,” she said, her jaw clenched tight. “And we found the facility. We went through a lot to get there, we almost died so many fucking times, I had to keep him from fucking bleeding to death on the floor of a goddamn basement, I… The point is, we came all that way. We went through all that shit and…”

She took a deep breath, like she was centering herself.

“We found the facility,” she said again. “And the doctor was there, he was ready to take what he needed from me and ready to make a cure. I don’t know how but he was. And Joel stopped him.”

You stared, your mouth open, trying to process what she was saying.

“That…” you began but stopped. “What do you mean Joel stopped them? That doesn’t make any fucking sense, Ellie, why would he stop them? What do you mean he stopped them?”

“I mean there’s no fucking cure now because of Joel,” she said, her voice hot.

“Why,” you said it more than asked it. “Ellie, there has to be a reason, there has to be, he wouldn’t have stopped them for no reason there has to be a reason. Was it going to hurt you or…”

She looked down, her jaw tense. You could see the muscle of it twitching near her ear.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” You asked. “It would have hurt you and he wouldn’t let them.”

“It would have killed me, OK?” She snapped. “They needed my brain, my brain has cordyceps and they needed them to make it and Joel wouldn’t let them take my stupid brain.”

You just looked at her for a moment.

“Ellie,” you said quietly. “Is that why you hate Joel? Is that why you won’t speak to him, because he saved your life?”

“He saved me from doing something that would have fucking mattered!” She yelled it, tears in her eyes. “My life would have fucking meant something! Instead I’m just here, going to fucking school and playing fucking music and…”

“You’re living a life, Kid,” you said gently. “You think that doesn’t matter? That it’s not important?”

“Know what he did to get me out of there?” She was crying now, not even trying to stop it. She yanked her sleeve back down, covering the burn on her arm. “I’ll tell you what he did, he killed them. Dozens of people, he murdered them. Including the doctor who could have made the cure. He’s dead. He’s dead and there’s no hope for a cure because of fucking Joel.”

“Oh honey,” you pulled her against you, her head dropping to your chest, her tears soaking your shirt. You just held her for a bit. “It’s OK, Kid. You’re alright.”

After a few minutes, she sat up, wiping her tears on the backs of her sleeves.

“You can’t think what he did was right,” she said. “It’s fucking evil, he can’t…”

“Ellie,” you said, keeping your voice calm and even. “That’s not evil, that’s what a parent does. They do everything they can - everything - to keep their child alive.”

“But…”

“Doesn’t matter what it is,” you said. “You’re Joel’s kid. Of course he did whatever was necessary to keep you safe, that includes killing. It would include killing before, too, but especially now.”

“No,” she shook her head. “No, I wanted them to make a cure, I don’t care that it would have killed me, I wanted to do it! He took that from me!”

“You really think there’s any part of Joel that would have just let them kill you, no matter what it meant?” You asked. “That he’d let someone hurt you?”

“To save the fucking world?” She snapped. “Yeah, yeah, I do.”

You smiled a little sadly at her, trying not to cry yourself. You tried not to think of the pain Joel must have been in, thinking he brought his child to someplace that was going to hurt her, kill her. That he’d led her to the end and given her to people who would destroy her.

Your chest was tight.

“That’s not how it works, Kid,” you said. “You think you’re saying that he had a choice but you’re not. He didn’t, he never did. When you love someone that much, it doesn’t matter what the other choice is. If one side is that person’s life, you do whatever it takes to save them. It doesn’t matter what it costs.”

“But…”

You cut her off.

“Do you think he could picture a world without you?” You asked. “Do you think he’d see anything worth saving without you? He was never going to be able to save the world, not unless you were part of it.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am,” you shrugged. She opened her mouth to argue but didn’t seem to come up with something to say. You kept going. “Do you think I’d do anything different? That I wouldn’t kill to keep you alive? That I wouldn’t do the same in a second for my kid? That’s how it works. You love someone enough, you do anything for them.”

Her eyes looked a little glassy and she dabbed at them with the insides of her wrists.

“You’re close with Tommy and Maria, right?” You asked. “With William?”

“Yeah,” she sniffed.

“If someone came to you and said they could save the world as long as you would let them kill William, would you let them?” You asked. “Would you hand him over to them? Or would you fight to protect him?”

“That’s….” She shook her head. “That’s different, he’s just a little kid, that’s different.”

“Is it?” You asked. “Do you really think it would be different in 10 years? That there’s a magic number where you’d let someone hurt him? Kill him?

“What if it was reversed?” You kept going. “If it was Joel, do you think you’d have let them murder him? Done nothing if you were in his position? Kid, if this is the reason you’re mad at him, I think you need to think about it more. You may not be able to fully understand it but I know him. He loves you so much, I don’t think he could have survived you dying. I’m not sure any parent really does if they lose a child. And you are his child, Ellie. Hate him or not, that’s who you are to him. And there isn’t a single parent on this planet who wouldn’t have done the exact same thing he did.”

She slumped back on the couch. She looked exhausted. You settled in next to her and her head dropped to your shoulder before she sighed.

“How do I forgive him for taking that from me?” She asked. “The chance to matter?”

“He didn’t take that from you,” you said. “You always mattered. Still do. You don’t have to save the world to matter.”

She sighed and looked numb.

“Hungry?” You asked.

“Yeah,” she laughed a little. “Yeah, I am.”

You left her on the couch and got some jerky and fruit from the kitchen, handing some of it to her before flopping back next to her. She bit into some jerky and sighed.

“How you feeling?” You asked, taking a bite of jerky yourself.

She sighed again.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know that I can forgive him.”

“Do you need to?” You asked.

She frowned.

“What if you just tried to think about why he did what he did,” you said. “Don’t worry about if it was good or bad, just think about what it would have been like for him then. It’s over and done with, Kid. Can’t go back and change it now. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life pissed at the man who loves you so much that you’re the whole world to him? After everything you went through, I’m pretty sure you care about him, too. Don’t make your life any harder than it has to be. Don’t try to fuck up the thing he did all that just to give you.”

You convinced Ellie to dance party with you and listened through some albums before she decided she wanted to sleep over instead of going home to be alone.

“Wait,” she said after the two of you were in your bed. “Have you two fucked in here?”

“Kid.”

“Ugh ew,” she groaned. You laughed at that. “He told me he was leaving and when he was getting back but I kind of blocked it out. Guessing you know since you guys are all… gross now.”

“He’s back day after tomorrow,” you smiled a little, even though it was too dark for her to see it.

She sighed heavily.

“I guess I can maybe think about talking to him then,” she said. “And before you get too excited, I said I’d think about it. I might still hate him.”

You didn’t think she’d ever really hated him.

“Sure, Kid.”

Ellie rolled over and pressed her back against your front. You froze for a moment before putting your arm around her.

“Thanks, Bambi,” she said quietly.

“Any time,” you replied. “Love you, Kid. And I know Joel, does, too.”

“Yeah,” she said. “I know.”

You drifted off, counting down to when Joel came home. Hoping he’d come back safe, ignoring the nervous pull in your stomach that told you he might not.

It was Joel. He had to be OK.

He just had to.

Next Chapter

A/N: Y'all, I promise this isn't the big angsty bit yet. Just a little angst. As a treat.

Thanks for putting up with me and for being here and spending your time with these characters. It truly means so much to me.

Love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic #joel miller x oc

226 notes · View notes

fanby-fckry · 2 months

Text

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

4 hr. ago

🌈 hells-disney-princess Follow

18 min. ago

🥺

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

3 min. ago

alright, alright, princess puppydog eyes. i’ll keep healing.

#fr tho thanks charlie #i think i needed to hear that #irl source

( 104 notes )

🪡 niffty-lady Follow

24 min. ago

smut writing tips: sexualise guilt

#writeblr writing tips #irl source

( 3,510 notes )

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

1 hr. ago

You can't spell advertisements without putting semen between tits

🎀 charlies-angel Follow

1 hr. ago

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

1 hr. ago

I’m right tho

#cut me some slack vaggs #i’m trying to distract myself from fomo intimacy issues and crushing shame #irl source

( 6,966 notes )

📻 real-radio-demon Follow

2 hr. ago

I like the term "gallows humor" because it always makes me think of someone getting sentenced to death and thinking "I have GOT to be the funniest person at my public execution"

📻 real-radio-demon Follow

2 hr. ago

Your impending execution should be your second priority! Your first priority should ALWAYS be your commitment to the bit!

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

2 hr. ago

remember, they can’t kill you if you never tell them the punch line 😎👉👉

#jester’s privilege #irl source

( 55,728 notes )

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

3 hr. ago

What’s the word for horny but not in a sexual way like I’m horny for Halloween but I don’t wanna fuck a pumpkin you feel

🎀 charlies-angel Follow

2 hr. ago

do u mean excited

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

2 hr. ago

That’s it the bitch, thanks Vaggs

#changed my mind tho #would fuck a pumpkin #irl source

( 649 notes )

🪡 niffty-lady Follow

3 hr. ago

i don’t have rizz i have one (1) big doll eye and many unsettling things to say

#irl source

( 1,622 notes )

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

4 hr. ago

The fact that makeup is considered to be “mature” and “sexulized” implies that being a clown or mime is the sluttiest job out there

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

3 hr. ago

damn, angel, just @ me next time

#🤪 #jester’s privilege #irl source

( 17,379 notes )

🌈 hells-disney-princess Follow

5 hr. ago

how can people be so rude and not feel bad afterwards… When I don’t say thank you or don’t smile back I’ll think about it for 3 months straight and have flashbacks

#vent post #🌈 posts #irl source

( 18 notes )

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 1

if I make it outta this alive, I’m gonna tell my crush I’m in love with him.

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 1

fuck

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 3

ya know, I don’t think I’ve confessed to someone and meant it in over a decade?

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 3

haha would it be crazy if I said I forgot how?

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

Jul 5

today’s the day. i’m gonna do it.

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

5 hr. ago

guess what I did not do yesterday

#fuck why is this so hard? #i don’t know what’s wrong with me #fuck i need a drink

( 316 notes )

🍎 luci-goosey-666 Follow

Jul 4, 2013

Do you think Dad stays in Heaven because He too lives in fear of what He's created?

🍎 luci-goosey-666 Follow

6 hr. ago

I made this post 7 years ago after my wife left me and my life was falling apart.

These 7 years have been some of the darkest times in my life, and considering how fucking ancient I am, that’s really saying something.

I thought humanity was beyond cruel, that Sinners were nothing but awful, irredeemable monsters. My daughter and her hotel have taught me otherwise.

My life is finally looking up. I’m starting to regain a sense of clarity I haven’t had since fucking Eden. And I have her, her Fallen gf, and their rag-tag bunch of Sinners to thank for that.

So thank you, Charlie. I’ve said it in person, but I’ll say it again here. Thank you for showing me that the gift of free will was not wasted. That what I did wasn’t all bad. I love you, sweetie.

#wholesome

( 92,616 notes )

⬜️ voxblr-meta Follow

7 hr. ago

Fanby’s Fake Dash Masterpost

#meta #fake tumblr dash

( 29 notes )

#unreality cw #suggestive #fanby’s fuckery #fake tumblr dash #hazbin hotel #angel dust #charlie morningstar #niffty #vaggie #alastor #fizzarolli #lucifer hazbin hotel

71 notes · View notes

cssnder · 3 months

Text

AN INTRODUCTION

ABOUT ME: My name is Cassander. I am a French twenty-two year old with a morbid fascination for all things austere, provocative, old and ugly.

I am a very private person by nature, meaning I don't like to talk too much about myself. But as 2024 unfolds, I made the promise to put myself out there a little more this year. While my main blogs serve as a place for inspiration where I put all the excerpts I saved from my readings that inspired me, as well as pictures and art — I want to use this secondary tumblr account to document the experience of creation, and hopefully connect with other writers as well.

ABOUT MY WRITING: I've been writing for over a decade now. I only write original fictions — the genre varies but I often come back to thrillers, psychological fictions, literary fictions. My work is usually very atmospheric and philosophical; full of symbolism; with vile, despicable and sometimes down-right immoral characters; and heavy themes. I do not write graphic sex scenes nor do I write romance as I have no interest in writing those.

I am currently working on my first serious novel or shall I say, the first I actually seriously intent to write from start to finish. It is titled "Thus Saith The Lord" and has themes of morality, philosophy, religion, obsession and identity.

On the side, I am also developing ideas and writing scenes here and there, for another novel I titled Agnī Cruentī. This isn't a definitive title though, and it will most likely change in the future when I'll finally get to focus on it fully once my first novel is done.

It must be said that while my main novel Thus Saith The Lord contains heavy themes and a bleak atmosphere, this second work of mine is much more twisted, much more sensual, and dare I say... immoral. Think of it as The Dreamers meets Lolita meets The Carnivorous Lamb meets The Secret History — a juxtaposition of beauty and deviance.

I must, by the way, precise that I like to take my time to write as it lets me refine my work, and I will not hesitate to take up to a decade if needed. Thus, you are warned.

WHERE TO FIND MY WORK: I haven't published anything yet, but once I'll be ready, you'll be able to find my writing — both in French and in English — on AO3 and Wattpad.

#updated on 29/04/2024 #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writeblr intro #writing community #writers #dark academia #creative writing

84 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

Note

AITA for keeping a huge secret from my mom?

so i (26ftm) moved back in with my parents a little over a year ago due to the housing market. shakes fist at sky. you know how it is. anyways, uh, while i may be a broke zillennial, my parents are fairly financially well off, and it's in part due to my father's job. my mom recently retired and my father keeps saying he's going to retire, but still keeps pushing it off (and has been pushing it off for about a decade now).

now uh, shortly before i moved in, my mom was telling me that she was having problems with my father. that this was "the third time this had happened" and "this is his last chance" - i think you may see where i'm going with this. he was cheating. for the third time. and she'd caught him, got them to go to couples therapy, and told him there would be no fourth chance. she was willing to move out of the house and start anew somewhere else if she needed to.

um. enter me, the apple of my dad's eye. i move in. one night my mom is off at a book club so it's just me and him for dinner. he opens his phone (up til this point i've noticed he looks at his phone A Lot.) and opens up wechat. he's calling someone "babe" and sending them red heart emojis. i instantly feel kind of sick. i ask him, "are you texting mom?" and he gets SO confused for a second and says no (i don't think he knew i'd seen his phone screen).

that was almost a year ago today. since then i have seen him text this other woman nonstop, has talked about starting a family with her, has talked about taking her with him on his "work trips," and - for some reason - i've seen him google straight-up escort websites on his phone. uh, that one was while my mom and i were in the middle of showing him old family videos.

i feel so fucking guilty. every time i see him i want to [REDACTED DUE TO TUMBLR GUIDELINES]. i lost my therapist that i had known for five years in the move, i lost my entire support network, and i still haven't found anything like that up here. i am completely isolated, and while i have my own job right now, i am in no way financially stable enough to find my own place to live. if i tell my mom, i don't know what's going to happen to me. i don't know if she will kick him out or if she will move. i am trying to move back to where i was living, but i just can't afford it. i feel completely trapped in this situation, and i know what the right thing to do is, but i am terrified that on top of losing my entire life a year ago, i'm about to lose everything else, too.

a large part of me wants to confront my father first, but i am also terrified of him. i know i'm his favorite, but i am well aware of his temper, and while he's never physically harmed me, i feel like the situation might be a bit different if i'm the person that might get him divorced and ostracized from the entire family. i don't know. i honestly have no idea. everything is so confusing and i just have felt frozen for an entire year.

but the other night i saw him texting her again. she's mentioned she had been feeling sick lately and he told her that she might be pregnant. i was so close to losing it. i almost ripped his phone out of his hand and smashed it on the ground. i couldn't look him in the eye. i could barely even speak to him. maybe the funniest part about this is that he doesn't realize anything is wrong. he's a fucking narcissist and doesn't pay the slightest bit of attention to how other people act around him.

the next day, he was gone for another "work trip".

i am run completely ragged and i don't know how much longer i can take this. i find myself wishing someone else could take it out of my hands so that i don't have to be responsible for destroying our whole family.

anyways. am i the asshole for being a coward?

a bit of extra INFO as well though: as far as i'm aware, my parents are in a bit of a dead bedroom situation (frankly. my mom likes to oversshare.) so uh. at the very least i know she's not getting whatever diseases my dad surely must have by now.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

134 notes · View notes

redpenship · 2 months

Text

cosmic wip

an: this fic is taking me FOREVER to write and i like this convo quite a bit so I am posting it on tumblr!!

---

This was a huge claim. Starline blinked in surprise. “You . . . stabilized an energy circuit? Without a surge protector?”

Ivo gave him another paper from the folder. Starline stared at it blankly. On the paper was a schematic for a capsule; in the main section was a drawing of a small bird, and attached to the bottom was a battery. The title read: animal-powered battery.

“This must be some kind of joke,” Starline mumbled incredulously. In what world could animals power a facility like this on their own? He couldn’t even begin to imagine how they would stabilize his energy electrical circuit. That was a feat physicists had been trying to achieve for decades. And here, Ivo was claiming to have done it own his own. Without training.

“It’s not a joke! I’ve been using those batteries as my main source of power for many years, now.” Appearing excited, Ivo leaned forward and tapped the schematic with a finger. “They work because I adapted our laws to the conditions of this world. You are a biologist first, so I will explain this simply: Chaos Emeralds respond to the needs of living creatures. Without their interference, the animals inside the capsule would die during the energy extraction process. The emeralds protect the animals by supplying the electrical circuit with enough energy to function without killing them.”

Starline blinked. Ivo was right—he was a biologist, not a physicist. He hadn’t looked at energy physics in a very long time. But despite his inexperience, he understood just how big this stable energy capsule could be. Ivo had made a breakthrough in Earth’s sciences. Unstable energy had suppressed the planet’s sciences for millions of years. If Ivo’s invention really worked . . .

“Given your silence, I can only assume that you’ve come to understand the grander implications of this capsule,” Ivo said. He took the schematic and put it back into the folder. “Don’t get too excited. I have no intentions of sharing this with anyone else for the time being.”

He was keeping it for himself? “Why?” Starline demanded. “You could help science everywhere!”

Ivo shook his head. “This will not help science. It is a temporary fix to a much larger problem. To help science, I will need to present a complete solution to the energy crisis.”

“This is a good first step!” Starline argued. “Other physicists could use this to find the solution!”

As Starline spoke, Ivo’s face fell. He said his next words sternly. “If human science was capable of solving the crisis, we would have done it by now. I accomplished what I did by abandoning our methods completely. No other scientists would have been willing to do such a thing.”

They were right back to Ivo’s initial argument: humans, and by extension their science, are idiots. “What makes you think so?”

“Anyone who is allowed to practice science in a lab has completed the circuit of higher education. To survive such a circuit, students must depersonalize themselves and accept rigorous training. They are traumatized into accepting academic dogma even if it seems unnatural to them. Upon graduation from such a system, how many of them will be willing to abandon everything they’ve learned to perform ‘unscientific’ experiments?”

Starline immediately disagreed. “They’re rigorously trained to meet scientific standards.”

“On a non-standard planet! Everything they’re learning is useless until we can solve the energy crisis.”

The logic didn’t add up. “Then the crisis is unsolvable. Unless you mean to say that you’re the only one who can do it?”

Ivo crossed his ams with a huff. “I’ve hit a road block in my research. Now that I have the capsules, I am finding it more and more difficult to pretend that I don’t have expectations for my experiments. Staying away from university could only bring me so far. No matter what I do, I will always make assumptions about the future and my experiments. It is an unconscious way of thinking that I cannot overcome; my brain simply cannot accept the uncertainty created by Chaos Energy.”

Unconscious ways of thinking. It all clicked at once. Starline looked to the cognitive tests on the table in front of him and realized exactly what conclusion Ivo had drawn from them.

“You think only someone with a traditional Mobian worldview can solve the energy crisis,” he said. Ivo nodded his agreement and Starline kept going. “It has to be someone comfortable with uncertainty . . . someone with an intuitive understanding of Chaos Energy.”

“Precisely! The energy crisis will only be solved by someone whose first reaction to learning the law of conservation of energy is to refute its existence.”

#its unedited so sorry for any mistakes #anyways its fun to o the starline flashbacks because i can more clearly explain eggmans rationale for kidnapping tails #beyond deterring sonic #fic: the cosmic beholder #wip #redposts

38 notes · View notes

nihilnovisubsole · 30 days

Text

phew! finally a weekend where i can set aside enough time to type up The Promised Endwalker Stream-of-Consciousness Post. i finished the base story... a month ago? but work has been busy, and i think tumblr benefits from me being quiet sometimes. anyway, what a ride. when you've been building up to the end of your arc for a decade, you want to hit it like an earthquake, and that's exactly what they did.

i think people love endwalker because it fires on all cylinders. it returns - in both story and vision - to the eorzea we love, and the dev team gets to show off everything they've learned. the dungeons and boss fights are dynamic and imaginative and colorful and bring the game's epic sense of scope to bear. the story callbacks are juicy. the music is orchestral again. we're back home, and we're saving the galaxy. what's better than this?

i love that we go to garlemald. i don't - i mean, you know, i don't like garlemald. i shouldn't have to qualify that. but it's hugely narratively satisfying to see the face of the enemy we've been fighting since the first few hours of ARR. you don't think about them when you're beating them up in castrum centri or ala mhigo. they're star wars bad guys. then you meet them on their own turf. you observe firsthand how they starve and cannibalize their own people to feed their obsession with state power and military strength. the wintry environment makes it seem all the more barren and desperate. my favorite part by far. i wish we'd spent more time there.

actually, on that note:

there is an argument that endwalker should've been two expacs. i've heard similar about stormblood - ala mhigo should've been the whole thing, and doma should've been either patch content or an expac of its own. the prevailing theory is that, after ARR, the devs are afraid of letting arcs run long. i can't speak to that, but i wouldn't have minded, that's for sure!

i won't pretend not to be biased. i've noted in many xiv posts that it hurries through its political plots to get to the magic stuff. i felt more conscious of it in heavensward and especially in stormblood. i made peace with it in endwalker. with dessert this good, who am i to complain? i can do small character drama on my own time. for now, the game wants royce to be a big damn shonen hero, and that can be fun, too.

speaking of characters, urianger and estinien have grown on me. this is the arc where, for me at least, the scions have congealed. they're all good, but with any large cast and custom player character, you tend to form the meatiest bonds with a few specific ones. i think royce appreciates urianger's cooler, more mature head. they're both so formal. he realizes she's someone he can confide in. i think she sees estinien as a gifted, but hotheaded whelp, which i find very funny. patience, child. stop sulking. do your breathing drills.

i love thancred's MGS sequence and in from the cold too. they're stressful, but i love that the team tried, you know what i mean? the fact that you can fight enemies in a pinch makes those duties way more bearable than some other games that experiment with stealth.

in from the cold as a whole, honestly. If You Know, You Know

all right, i can't avoid referencing spoilers anymore, sorry. there's a sense of classical tragedy to the whole elpis sequence. it's like watching macbeth or hamlet. you know how it's going to end, and you know you're powerless to stop it, but if they'd just made that different choice! but we had to leave eden. the warrior of light had to end up where they are to finish what elpis started. i don't do fate/destiny plots, but this? i'll take it.

i also knew what would happen going into ultima thule and still came away from it moved. it's strong writing. that's all there is to it. sure, the visuals are haunting, but the dialogue has to sell a gauntlet of difficult character moments, and it pulls it off. on the design side, there's some interesting intentional friction that forces you to linger in the zone and sit with its sense of despair. that part where you have to search the empty park for signs of life? oof

with the majority of the MSQ under my belt, i started sniffing around for what else there is to do ingame. i tried ninja. did terribly. i tried sage. did terribly too, but at least that gave me access to the healer role quests, which, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). the nier raids are gorgeous. i even did the controversial werlyt quests, and terncliff is so cute. i kind of wish we could have another story there!

what's next? i dunno! right now i'm burning through the hildibrand quests before i continue on with endwalker's patch story. the field operation stuff seems interesting to do after the MSQ, in a "hey, you saved the world, but we have more missions for you" way. i've also contracted Triple Triad Collector Disease, so that'll keep me busy for a long time.

all right. one last thing. Real Gamer Moments: i was in a mount-farming party recently, and i said that i sort of collected mounts, but only used the ishgardian chocobo. it's a roleplay thing - it's the chocobo royce took when she ran away from ishgard. one of the party members said "haurchefant would be proud of you." AUGH

#ffxiv #long post

25 notes · View notes

winchestergirl2 · 4 months

Text

December Reading Recs

Thank you to all the incredible writers here on tumblr, who provide us with these fantastic stories and thank you to everyone who interacts with these fic recs posts to help spread the love for these writers.

Happy New Year everyone, and happy reading!

To show some love and appreciation to all the amazing writers here on tumblr, here are all the fantastic fics I've read this month. 💖

Many of these fics and blogs are 18+ only, and NSFW please heed the author's individual fic warnings and requests regarding no minors. I am not responsible for your media consumption.

2023 Reading Rec List

Supernatural

Sam Winchester

Take Me Back Series Chapter 3 | Epilogue | @kaleldobrev

Authors Summary: After making a deal to bring you back, Sam doesn't see you until years later when your paths cross during a case

The Widow Timestamp: I Love You @pink-sparkly-witch

Authors Summary: Sam tells Y/N that he loves her for the first time. This is basically PWP.

The Widow Timestamp: Marry Me? @pink-sparkly-witch

Authors Summary: It’s almost Christmas, and Sam has an important question to ask you.

A Blacksmiths Hands @sams-sass

Fall For You @justagirlinafandomworld

Authors Summary: You don’t always go flying through the air. But when you do, there is one Winchester who is always there to catch you. Or. A series of times you and Sam fell over each other. And Dean’s there.

Imagine Walking Your Dog With Sam @imagineteamfreewill

Dean Winchester

Authors Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real.

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.

The One That Got Away Epilogue @pink-sparkly-witch

Authors Summary: Childhood sweethearts, Dean and Y/N, are very much in love with each other. When she accepts a full scholarship to an out-of-state college, she finally gets to leave behind her traumatic childhood and abusive father, but it means leaving Dean behind too.

Over a decade later, Y/N returns to Lawrence, Kansas, and finally tries to heal the only wounds she has left… the psychological and emotional scars her father gave her and the heartbreak she endured by Dean Winchester, the one that got away.

Just Thought You Should Know @smellingofpoetry

Authors Summary: It was just one of those drunk calls until it wasn't anymore.

Christmas Boredom @soaringeag1e

Screw Consciousness @kaleldobrev

Authors Summary: Taking a nap with Dean after a long drive

Strangers @smellingofpoetry

Authors Summary: They were just two strangers, dancing in the middle of a club.

10 Inch Hero

Boaz Priestly

Black and Blue @lipstickandwhiskey

Authors Summary: You can’t help your feelings for your friend, but maybe some jerk will give you a push in the right direction?

Pondering Fate While Ignoring The Obvious @impala-dreamer

Authors Summary: Priestly has got it so bad for Tish that he can barely see past the end of her... well, her back end, anyway. He's love sick and forever rejected, constantly stuck inside his own head. When a new girl in town starts messing with him, he quickly loses his cool...

Unique and Brightly - Colored @crashdevlin

Authors Summary: You don't like Priestly's new look and you really don't like the reasoning behind it.

Smallville

Jason Teague

Miss Professor @zepskies

Authors Summary: Jason has to make a decision. You, or Lana Lang.

The Boys

Soldier Boy

Memories Are All I Have @kaleldobrev

Authors Summary: You’re all Ben thinks about while he’s in Russia

From Russia With Love @kaleldobrev

Authors Summary: You’re the first person Ben goes to see after escaping from Russia

House

Robert Chase

Kiss and Tell @iwritefandomimagines

Authors Summary: after endless mutual pining, you and chase finally hooked up over the weekend. you agreed to keep it a secret while you figured things out, but it doesn’t last long with the team around.

Dark Angel

Alec Mcdowell

Not So Lonely Christmas @daughterofcain-67

Authors Summary: You’re beginning to grow accustomed to doing things by yourself now that you’ve moved away from family, but your friends at Jam Pony seem to forget that Christmases after moving to a brand new area can often result in being alone during the holiday season… and Alec won’t stand for it.

Bullseye @zepskies

Authors Summary: Alec’s tired of being ignored. Whatever you’re reading can’t be as interesting as his company, now could it?

Chicago Fire

Matt Casey

Untitled Imagine @deanstead

Authors Summary: Imagine: Matt looking for his captain jacket and finding it on you

Any Fandom

Unamed Male (Choose your own)

Midnight @kittenofdoomage

Authors Summary: New Year’s Eve brings a surprise at the end of a crappy year.

42 notes · View notes

njnetails · 1 month

Text

Introducing my Writeblr!

About me:

Hello!

I'll introduce myself as Rin (she/her), I'm 24 years old as of this moment and I've been writing as a hobby ever since I was a little child. I'm not new to Tumblr, I've been here for more than a decade, but I've never ventured into being more than a lurker.

I've had a really big writing break for a while because of mental health issues and a bad environment, but I've started doing better recently. By creating a Writeblr, I hope it will help me with fully committing to a lengthy project so that I can fulfill my wish of becoming a published writer.

I listen to music all the time and it helps me a lot with getting inspiration or getting me in the mood to write. I mostly read books within the fantasy genre, and I do the same with writing. I also play Dungeons & Dragons, proudly being a Dungeon Master for three campaigns at the moment.

About my writing:

I love creating characters and studying their behaviors while I think or write about them, my general focus being Trauma™. Wordbuilding is also one of my best brainstorming qualities. I used to write for my D&D characters and NPCs, and I've also posted a few fanfiction pieces on AO3 in an anime fandom.

My WIPs:

I've currently started brainstorming for my very first book project! The idea is very rough right now but I want it to be high fantasy, with emphasies on Gods, prophecies, magic and its consequences and a lot of character growth. I am still thinking about including romance, but as it is still in the early developement process, I haven't decided on anything. Update: the WIP is called Godsfallen!

I also plan on brainstorming for an east-asian mythology book (wuxia), but I haven't made enough research to focus on that one for now.

Conclusions:

I will most likely want to post a lot of my brainstorming ideas on here, as well as writing snippets or character details. If you want to see anything like that, please feel free to follow me (I will follow back)! I'm down to hear about your WIPs and I'd love to build a small group of creative friends where we could freely talk about what our brain is cooking.

I want this blog to be a space for writing, so I hope you will join me on my journey!

Thank you if you took time to read all of this! See you around!!

#creative writing #art #writing #writers on tumblr #writers community #writeblr #author #new writers on tumblr #writeblr intro #writeblr introduction #wtwcommunity #dnd #dungeons and dragons #d&d #anime #fanfiction

21 notes · View notes

xaeethebaee · 1 year

Text

Shuji x Shortcake

Minors DNI! Mature audiences ONLY!

After over a decade, you reunited with your childhood best friend Shuji Hanma after moving back to Japan. Things seem great however the more you've spent time with him, the more you learn about the dark activities he has been into since you last saw him.

Warnings! Violence, mentions of murder, smoking, Hanma being a giant intimidating doofus, and strong sexual content. More warnings will be added for individual chapters.

This fic contains both fluff and smut in addition to some dark content (Hanma is in a gang after all).

Word Count: 3.1k

A/n: This is my very first fanfic for Tokyo Revengers. Also, I am still not fully caught up with the manga; therefore, some of the characters may be a little ooc. Lastly, italic means it is a flashback.

Also also: This is my first official post on Tumblr, and I am still trying to figure out how to navigate it.

Chapter ONE

It was a fateful day at the park when you were seven years old. A downpour has just passed through the area, allowing for the sun to emerge from the darkened clouds. Intrigued by the wet surroundings, you decided to go to the local park to play on the swing set. That was when a complete stranger approached you from behind. The stranger with short black and blonde hair was the same age as you albeit he was taller than the average seven-year-old kid. Once he is within arms reach, he grabs a handful of mud from the ground.

"Hey!"

The strange kid called for you as you swung by your lonesome. Your attention was then directed at him, turning your face and noticing a shit-eating grin adorning his.

"Who are you?" You asked him, curious and a bit unnerved by his presence.

Upon hearing your question, the boy's grin grew wider and mischief and excitement filled his golden eyes.

"Hanma Shuji! Wanna watch me eat this mud?!"

His response caused a look of disgust to plague your face.

"That is gross!" You shrieked at him. "Don't do that!"

"Too late!"

The kid named Hanma ignored your protests before shoving the handful of mud into his mouth.

"Ewww!" You cry out.

Hanma finishes his earthly meal and then he opens his mouth to show you. You only slightly gag at his gross actions; however, you nonetheless found yourself being charmed by the tall boy.

Almost immediately, Hanma doubled over, vomiting out the mud. Some of the contents nearly getting on you. Instead of running away, you find yourself rubbing Hanma's back as he vomits out the mud he previously ate.

"I told you that was gross." You scold.

"Hell yes, but it was still cool!"

Hanma gleefully smiled despite green flushing his cheeks. You let out giggles seeing his happy state before you promptly agree with his statement.

"Pretty cool actually."

"Yay! We should be friends!" He offers right before he once again doubles over to vomit.

You only watched with half disgust and half intrigue while the tall boy hacks out the rest of the eaten mud. Soon enough, he turns back to you and that was when he noticed a gold necklace around your neck.

"That's a nice necklace!" He compliments, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth.

"Thanks." You respond. "My name is L/n Y/n by the way."

Excited, Hanma just smiled.

"Awesome! Then we should be friends!"

"Yes. We should." Came your soft reply, happy that you've made your very first friend.

From that day forward, you two were inseparable. Even though you went to a different school than him, he still found a way to meet up with you and you two would walk together while holding hands, eventually arriving at the same park. Hanma often pushed you on the swings, you two slid down the slide together, and your absolute favorite was leaning on Hanma as you sat on top of the monkey bars, watching the beautiful Tokyo sky. Soon enough, it became apparent that Hanma was more than just your best friend. He became your protector.

"LET GO OF ME!"

You screamed at a delinquent kid who had you cornered as he grabbed at your hair. He only laughs at your terrified form while he notices the gold piece of jewelry hanging around your neck.

"That's a cute necklace. Mind if I take it?"

"NO!"

Your feeble arms try pushing the much bigger kid away from you but to no avail. He only grabs the necklace roughly before yanking it off your neck, snapping it into pieces. Disappointed, he only faces you.

"This cheap piece of shit!"

The boy raises his hand and swings it directly at your face. All you could do was shield yourself from the incoming impact however it never came. All you hear is a familiar chuckle and when you open your eyes you notice Shuji Hanma standing right next to the boy while having a strong grip on his arm.

"I'm here now. He won't hurt you again."

Hanma only says before punching the kid in the face, knocking him down. You watch as he proceeds to kick his stomach and face repeatedly. Eventually, you pulled Hanma away from the kid who was now covered in scars and bruises. The both of you watch as the humiliated and terrified bully sprint away from you two. Hanma could only laugh at his retreating form while you are on the verge of tears when you see the broken pieces of your jewelry on the ground. Upset, you kneel down to pick up the necklace, tears pouring from your e/c orbs.

"This was my favorite necklace." You sob.

His face of amusement was quickly replaced by a look of absolute concern as this is the first time seeing you cry. Unsure of what to do, he impulsively wraps his arms around your body allowing you to cry into his chest. Tears soak his t-shirt while he begins to gently rock you as if you were a baby.

"Please don't cry."

He only says however his soft words and warm embrace calmed you down. Your sobs stopped and they did not go unnoticed by your tall friend. Slowly, you separate from his hold, looking up at him with gratitude. Your teared-stained face smiled softly at him.

"Thank you, Shu."

You say to him, causing a blush to form on his cheeks. Heat rises on yours as you realize what you've called him.

"Sorry I-"

"Shu is a cool-ass name!" Hanma happily responds.

You can only giggle at his excitement.

Over the next few years, you two developed a strong bond, but like all good things, it eventually had to end. That end came when you two reached twelve years old and you were told by your parents that they decided to move back to the United States. Your heart is shattered upon hearing the news because that means you will no longer be able to see Hanma.

That morning was one of the worst mornings of your life as you stood with tears in your eyes to bid farewell to the tall boy. A river of tears flows down Shuji's face hearing those final words leave your lips.

"Shu? I don't know when I'll be able to see you again."

Your voice croaks with sadness as Hanma just pats your head.

"It's okay, Shortcake." He responds.

Though you're upset, you cannot help but cringe at the pet name.

"You're still on that?"

"Hell yea. You're short and you love cake, so Shortcake!" He stupidly jokes earning a pained giggle from you.

"You're always so corny when I am upset."

Hanma pulls you into a tight hug.

"It's the only thing I know that can make you smile."

He remarks, rocking you back and forth.

"It was fun while it lasted." You say to him while holding him.

"Yea. It was."

After a minute, you peel away from him. You then reach for something in your pocket. Hanma watches as you pull out pieces of the gold necklace. A bittersweet feeling overtakes his body upon seeing the piece of jewelry.

"Here."

You present one of the broken pieces to him, which he happily takes.

"Wow. Thanks."

"Keep it as something to remember me by."

You command before giving him another hug. The second hug was cut short when you two hear the beeping of the car, signaling you that it was time to leave. Separating from him, you give him one more smile.

"Stay safe out there."

He ruffles your hair while you gave him a nod. Hanma watches with teary eyes as you get into your parent's car before it quickly drives away.

It has been more than a decade since you've last seen and heard from Shuji Hanma. After graduating high school and saving up enough money, you've managed to find a way to move back to Tokyo, Japan. You're now employed at a fancy restaurant serving food to wealthy guests with a satisfied smile on your face.

You've had a long night at the restaurant, and you've decided to relax by running a hot steamy bath as soon as you returned home. You can feel the stress in your body melt away like ice cream on a hot day as you relax in your jacuzzi tub. Nighttime is approaching, so there is a beautiful orange glow radiating in your luxury bathroom. The tension in your muscles eases as you release a calming breath.

"Oh...I almost forgot."

You remark with a giggle while grabbing the bottle of bubble bath soap before pouring the contents into the hot water. In no time, the bubbles form with the help of the working jets pushing water against your body, massaging you in the process. Soon enough, bubbles cover the entire surface of the water and the sweet smell of peach overtakes the bathroom and seeps into your attached bedroom.

You've become completely at ease with the relaxing atmosphere. From all the long hours working at the restaurant, there is no doubt in your mind that you deserve this relaxing time. Just you, the hot and steamy water, and the bubbles.

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect."

You remark with satisfaction in your voice.

You can hear your tv in your bedroom. A news report is being broadcasted and the news anchor speaks with a sense of urgency in his voice. Some of his words go in one of your ears and out the other; however, you vaguely recall him talking about a series of gang-related violence that has been happening around Tokyo lately. You also hear him mention the Kanto Manji Gang which has been something that you've been hearing a lot recently.

"Kanto Manji Gang, huh?"

You only remark before washing up and getting out of the bathtub. Now listening more closely to the news broadcast as you put on your night clothes, the anchor then explains that the local law enforcement is still suspecting that the Kanto Manji Gang is responsible for the sudden outburst of violence. He added that everyone should be extra cautious when going out at night as that's when many of the brutal attacks - sometimes murders - occur.

An unnerving feeling seeps into your body; however, you just brush it off before heading to bed.

The next day is mundane as you finish getting ready for work. Deciding to walk down memory lane, you make your way to the park. You're sitting on the swing while watching the Tokyo sky. The light from the sun above reflects off your dangling gold ear piercings. Slowly swinging back and forth, you check the time on your phone, realizing it is time for you to make your way to your place of employment.

Quickly, you get back onto your feet while pulling the strap of your purse over your shoulder and you start walking out of the park and towards the train station.

Unbeknownst to you, a tall figure lingers in the shadows nearby. He watches you leave as he takes a drag from his cigarette. He only smiles while breathing out a breathy chuckle.

"Long time, no see, Shortcake."

He says while running his fingers through his neck-length black and gold hair.

Arriving at the restaurant you are greeted by your work friend in the employees-only area. You did not get a chance to begin changing into your uniform when your work friend starts to ask you about your plans for the upcoming weekend.

“Nothing but watching tv, why?”

You respond.

“Great! Wanna come to a party with me?” She asks.

“A party?”

You ask your work friend, perplexed by her request as you put your things away in your locker. Shaking your head, you put on your nametag.

“I don’t go out, plus with the craziness that’s going on right now, I’d rather stay inside.”

“Come on, Y/n! Please! The Haitani Brothers are hosting”

Your work friend pleads. Her hands clasp around yours as she starts getting down to her knees.

“Do you know who the Haitani brothers are, Y/n?! The hottest brothers in Tokyo and they host the best parties in the country. So many celebrities and executives attend, and for ONCE I managed to get an invitation!”

“How?”

Came your question as your eyebrow raised inquisitively.

“They have these lotteries and I won two invitations.”

“You only wanna go there just to fuck someone.”

You call out to which your work friend laughs in agreement.

“This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me. What if I get to meet THE Ran Haitani or his equally sexy brother Rindou? You know how much I adore them.”

“Yea. Yea, I know, but I also know they allegedly have ties to the Kanto Man-”

You’re quickly cut off by your friend as she covers your mouth with her palm.

“We don’t utter that name.” She scolds while having a serious look on her face.

You were not going to allow yourself to be persuaded into going to such a place, especially after everything you’ve been hearing about lately. You know there are rumors circling around those Haitani Brothers and their alleged association with the infamous Kanto Manji Gang. You’re adamant about your decision to stay a hundred miles away from that party and your friend noticed it. Realizing there is no way to convince you otherwise, she steps away from you and heaves out a sigh.

“Fine. I’ll ask someone else then.”

You can hear the disappointed tone in her voice as she brushes past you and into the kitchen. You can only shake your head before clocking into your shift.

The night is proceeding as normal. You greet the wealthy guests when they have been sat down at your section and then proceed to take their orders. Every once in a while, you catch a glimpse of your friend smirking in your direction. That smirk is all too familiar as you know she has not fully given up. The only thing you do is ignore her and continue with your night.

Towards the end of your shift, you can feel the atmosphere around the establishment run cold. The hair on the back of your neck stands up as you sense a pair of eyes peering at you as you bring drinks to one of your tables. Looking up, you notice a group of well-dressed men is sat in a private area of the restaurant. One of the men stands out as you make eye contact with him from across the restaurant. Quickly, you look away however you can still sense his set of eyes staring at you.

Men in suits are a very common sight; however, these particular men exude a dangerous aura. Even the guests around you have a look of concern plastered on their faces when they noticed the men.

“They are the--”

One man starts to speak but he is swiftly hushed by the people sitting at his table. It goes without a doubt in your mind about the group of men. Their infamy strikes fear into the hearts of many that it is to the point where people believe that just speaking their name will bring bad luck onto them.

You’re fully aware of all the rumors and hearsay about the gang. Although you are anxious due to being under the same roof, you nevertheless continue working as normal.

Around twenty minutes have passed and there is still a sense of uneasiness in the air. You’re then approached by the manager whose body is shaking with terror.

“Oh wow. You should take a deep breath.”

You say to him in a weak attempt to calm him down. Despite that, he takes your advice, taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. It relaxes him just enough for him to give you an all-important task.

“Their food is ready, so I need you to bring it to them.”

Perplexed, you respond:

“But that’s not my section. What happened to--”

“Kosuke had to leave early due to feeling ‘sick’.”

Your manager responds, referring to one of your coworkers who did suddenly go missing. Sighing, you just nod without giving any other response.

The entire restaurant watches as you bring the freshly cooked food over to the questionable men occupying the table in the private section.

“Here’s your food, sirs.”

You approach their table with a smile on your face while the anxiety in your body reaches a nuclear level. Most of the men just look at you with a blank expressions on their faces, and none of them spoke. They just watched as you present them with their food. During that, your attention is caught by one of the men with black and blonde hair. He is the only one in the group who has a chilling smirk on his face.

You attempt to ignore it; however, that is when you notice a familiar piece of jewelry dangling from his ear. That jewelry, the hair color, height, and even the grin plastered on his face eerily reminds you of your childhood best friend. You then notice Sin and Punishment inked on his hands as he grabs at his chopsticks. Seeing that, you recall a specific conversation with said friend about how he wanted to get tattoos.

“You should get Kanji characters because I think they look so cool!”

Came your adolescent voice.

“But I want something related to being a delinquent too.” He responds.

You shake off the brief flashback once you finish serving the meals to the men.

“Enjoy your meals, sirs!”

You say before turning your heels and leaving. The chilling man could only chuckle again while watching you power-walk back into the kitchen.

After that encounter, you feel slightly lightheaded, and you just now notice your heart pumping erratically. Stepping out of the back exit you are met with the open back lot and the cool nighttime breeze.

“Are you okay?!” Your work friend hastily approaches, concerned.

“Yea. I’ll be aight.”

Your response was shaky as you attempt to regain your composure. ‘Was it really who I think it was or is my mind playing tricks on me?’ You internally ask yourself while heaving out a sigh.

“You really need to decompress after tonight.”

Your work friend remarks, and even though you’re not looking at her, you can hear the smirk in her tone.

“Oh shit. Here we go again.” You grumble, turning to face her with a disgruntled look.

“I wonder if there is somewhere you can go, where you can let out some stream, preferably through dancing. You may even have really good cocktails and also meet really sexy men.”

“I can dance and make cocktails at home.”

You stubbornly interject; however, your friend immediately counters your response.

“But do you know any sexy men at home?”

Unable to come up with an answer, you remain silent. A wide smirk peers across your friend’s face when she realizes, she has succeeded in her persuasion.

“I’ll text you later on tonight. We can go shopping tomorrow for our party outfits.”

She says, going back into the restaurant, leaving you feeling defeated and unnerved.

[Feedback and other interactions are always appreciated.]

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev smut #shujihanma #tokyo revengers hanma #hanma shuji #tr fanfiction #tr smut #tokyo revengers smut #tr fluff #tokyorevengesfluff #shuji hanma fluff #kanto manji gang #shuji x reader #shuji hanma x reader #blackreaderxshujihanma

178 notes · View notes

desultory-suggestions · 2 months

Note

Same ask as before. I'm a child abuse survivor. I've had to witness my mother attempting suicide right in front of me several times throughout my childhood. My space on social media is for my mental health and recovery, as it is. And I can't really avoid the shame and guilt of already having too much on my plate without being able to stomach more war and death than I've already seen. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person who has ever needed to step away from the world to take care of their mental health. That is why I'm asking, what benefit is it to place more shame and guilt for people who are already living in this fucked up world as it is? Not everyone can stomach this shit 24/7. Thanks for ur thoughtful reply. No need to respond to this if u don't feel obligated. I enjoy ur blog but I am going to step away. I am also just extremely tired of how many blogs I am having to step away from, bc of things like this. "if you don't care you're a bad person." That's the vibe the entire world is giving off. There is never any acknowledgement for people who need to step away. That's all I'm saying.

I am saying you have the privilege to step away. Your mental health is ultimately up to you and your close relationships, if you are in crisis only you can decide when to step back. The reason the blogs you’ve found comfortable are stressing you now is because you followed kind and passionate people who are committed everyone’s mental health. I have continued to post my regular content, but I will also not stop posting for Palestinians. Their health matters to me equally, and right now stopping their genocide is the first step before decades of healing take place.

If you don’t care, I do think you’re a bad person. If you care and genuinely can’t do anything, I am not and never was blaming you.

If you need to step away then do that, Tumblr is made to cultivate your preferences. But don’t tell others they need to quiet down for your comfort, because they shouldn’t and I won’t. Your guilt is also your personal battle, if you feel guilty or uncomfortable when you hear about Palestine that’s normal, and you need to confront that. Once again, Palestinians don’t get the option to log off, to get therapy, to work through their trauma. They are trapped, and that is why I am speaking out.

Take care.

#asks #reply #prev ask

18 notes · View notes

justagalwhowrites · 5 months

Text

Halcyon - Ch. 1: Can I Buy You a Beer?

You run into someone you don't expect when out for a drink. A continuation of Halcyon, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Yes it's a Javi gif but we're gonna say he's Joel because Joel is in his 30s for this fic, OK?

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 5.7K

AO3 | Prologue | Next Chapter

Austin, Texas

September 30, 2022

You were going to strangle Alyssa.

It sure as hell hadn’t been your idea to go out drinking to celebrate the end of the first month of the school year. Definitely not your idea to do it at a bar that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned this decade. And it absolutely was not your idea to try to pick up a guy while out at said dingy bar.

But it apparently was Alyssa’s idea of a good time.

You sighed as you watched people go to and from the bar from your seat tucked in the corner. You tried to come up with stories for the people you could see in the dim light, like they were characters in a book you were writing. The biker in a leather vest, you decided, had been an accountant for 20 years when he bought a Harley during his midlife crisis. He’d become a mechanic when he became too obsessed with the bike to be satisfied behind a desk. His wife was pissed but his son thought he was way cooler now. The couple at the end of the bar were on a second… no, third date. She was deciding whether or not to fuck him. You thought it was going to go in his favor.

Alyssa had moved out of the seat next to the guy she’d taken up with and into his lap. You wondered if there was a world record for how far someone’s tongue could be down another person’s throat. It had to trigger her gag reflex at some point, right? Or maybe she didn’t have one. That must be nice. Maybe that was the key to being good at oral. Maybe you’d be better at it if you didn’t have a gag reflex. Maybe you’d still have a husband if you were better at oral.

You downed the last of your Shiner and rapped your fingers along the side of the glass. That was one upside to being back in Texas, at least. Shiner Bock on tap was a nice perk.

Next time you went out with Alyssa, you were driving yourself. If there was a next time.

But you’d probably cave before too long. You didn’t have many friends and you liked her. Even though this night hadn’t been much fun and getting to know her at all had been awkward at first. Alyssa was a few years younger than you and the first time she’d stumbled into your office she had your book in her hands and a wide smile on her face.

“I am so sorry if this is weird,” she said after a brief introduction. “But… I’m in love with your book and I am dying for you to sign it!”

“Sure,” you laughed a little and she passed it to you. You flipped to the title page and scrawled “Alyssa, Thanks for reading. With love, your coworker” before you penned the signature you’d practiced a million times with your agent below and handed it back. She squeaked, a little giddy, before offering to show you the best restaurants near campus. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that you’d grown up in Austin so you had plenty of favorites without any extra help.

Still, you had this strange drive to have Alyssa see you as a normal person. Award-winning author famous was, thankfully, not the kind to get you recognized on the street but it still made you uncomfortable. Book signings and readings were exercises in misery. There was the acute agony of being observed and noted, the strange knowledge that, for these strangers, this brief encounter was going to be something they remembered. They’d remember if you had a mustard stain on your shirt or if there was lipstick on your teeth or if the stress you were under as you traveled from city to city while your marriage fell to pieces around you made you snap at someone. You never realized how keenly you valued anonymity until it wasn’t an option anymore.

The very last thing you wanted was someone who was a fan with an office two doors down from your own.

So, you’d decided to have her be a friend instead. Make it so she saw you as a person and not someone from the inside of a book jacket. The two of you had gone to lunch a few times and out for a quick drink once, too. It had been nice and, ever since, it felt like she had stopped watching you like a pseudo-celebrity and started seeing you as a friend. Or, at the very least, a friendly acquaintance.

So when she’d asked if you wanted to get some drinks tonight, you’d said yes, envisioning the lounge she’d suggested the first time you’d gone out, one with jazz music playing quietly enough that you could chat over it.

That was not where she suggested this time.

But you were already here and edging in on tipsy and if you were going to spend the night alone at a bar and, eventually, at home with your vibrator, you may as well be drunk doing it.

You made your way to the bar and ordered a tequila shot and another beer, drumming your fingers on the bar top as you waited for your drinks.

“Well hey there, beautiful,” a man who had to have at least 10 years on you sidled up next to you at the bar. “What’s a pretty thing like you doin’ getting your own drinks?”

“No one else was volunteering,” you gave him a tight smile. “But I’m not looking for company so…”

“Don’t tell me you’re here all by your lonesome?” He smiled a lopsided, cocky smile, looking you up and down. The accent felt a little heavy handed and the cowboy hat put it over the top. You wondered, idly, if he was hiding a bald spot under there.

“I prefer flying solo, but thank you,” you said, peering around him to watch the bartender flirt with a girl who looked like she was newly 21 and probably here slumming it at this bar that was far from the school. You sighed and settled in to wait even longer for your drinks.

“Girl as pretty as you shouldn’t be all on her own,” he said, leaning against the bar and blocking your view. “No way someone hasn’t snapped you up yet, a face like that…”

“Oh my face has nothing to do with it,” you smiled, forcing your eyes to go wide enough that you looked a little crazed. “It’s because I’m a murderous sociopath with six bodies buried beneath my house.”

The man just blinked at you, a puzzled look on his face. You could practically see the wheels turning in his head and you considered, for a moment, timing him to see how long it would take to piece it together.

“She’s right you know,” a familiar voice from behind you made you stiffen. “There's a reason she's here alone. This one’s insane, she’d chew you up and spit you out, man. Best you find someone else to try n’take home.”

“Sorry, man,” he said. “Didn’t know she was spoken for.”

You watched the man shove himself back from the bar and prowl off to find another woman to try and bed before turning, slowly, to the man standing at your back. Your heart beat picked up in spite of yourself when you saw him, as tall and broad and somehow even more handsome than ever.

Joel Miller smiled, one of his cocky, lopsided smiles that made his cheek dimple.

“Hey, Goldie.”

***

It was you.

Here, in this shitty bar in his corner of Austin on a Friday night was you.

Joel froze when he saw you, sitting in a corner by yourself, watching the bar with a far away look on your face.

It was a look he knew intimately, even though it had been 11 years since he’d last seen your face in person. You’d get that look when you were thinking about something important, something you wanted to remember. You’d have that look and then you’d open up that gold notebook of yours and write furiously for a minute or two before stashing it away.

“You ever gonna let me read any of that?” He’d teased one day as you sat, curled up in the corner of his couch, your notebook on your knees.

“No,” you scoffed. “Trust me, you don’t want anywhere near this disaster area. It’s basically just the word vomit version of my brain, it’s a mess up there.”

Joel didn’t push you on it but, truthfully, he’d have killed for a chance to see inside your mind for a moment. He wanted to crawl inside your skull and look at whatever you’d let him see. He wanted to memorize you, carry you with him, wrap himself up in you at every opportunity. You felt like home, more than anything else he’d ever had. Of course he wanted to be close enough to you to see inside your mind.

But that was a long time ago. Yes, it had been 11 years since he’d seen you but it had been even longer since he’d seen you when you weren’t pissed at him. In fairness, he was pretty pissed at you, too, but you’d started it.

And he wasn’t even sure why. He didn’t know what set you off to begin with. One night it was prom and the next thing he knew, you were gone. Taking off across the country before graduation without so much as a goodbye. You changed your number and your mom wouldn’t give it to him and you were just gone. Like the two of you hadn’t spent every day together for the last three years, like he had all meant nothing at all to you.

Joel saved up the money to buy a bus ticket to your fancy fucking college, intending to find you there and demand an explanation, but that hadn’t gone as planned. He just settled into not knowing and not understanding why the most important relationship in his life had been ripped away from him without a word.

But it had been a long time. He’d moved past the resentment of it and now he was all but awestruck at seeing you again.

“Hey, do you want…” Tommy’s voice trailed off and his eyes tracked where Joel’s were looking. “Holy fucking shit, is that…”

“Yup.”

“Did you know she…”

“Yup.”

Tommy was quiet for a moment.

“Know she was gonna be here?”

“Hell no.”

Joel caught a glimpse of his brother nodding out of the corner of his eye - he wasn’t about to stop looking at you, he was worried if he did you might disappear again - and sighed.

“You gonna talk to her?” Tommy asked after a moment.

“No idea.”

“Shit dude,” Tommy clapped his hand on Joel’s shoulder. “Good luck with… whatever the fuck is gonna happen there.”

Joel glared at him for a second but kept his eyes on you. One of the other guys on the crew went to get the first round, something he appreciated because it meant he could keep watching you at a distance. He wasn’t sure what the fuck to say to you and he wasn’t about to just go talk to you with nothing to say.

But then you went to the bar and a guy was clearly annoying the hell out of you and, before he really knew what he was doing, he was heading for you.

“Hey, Goldie.”

You looked at him for a moment. You looked as surprised to see him as he was to see you.

“Hey, Joel.”

He smiled a little wider.

“Can I buy you a beer?” He asked.

“You’re a bit late, I’m afraid,” you said. “Already put it on my tab. But that’s assuming the bartender remembers I exist which seems like it might be aiming a bit high…”

Joel hung over the bar and hit the top of it a few times.

“Hey, Jimmy!” He yelled. The bartender whipped his head around. “Stop fuckin’ around, get my friend her shit, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, turning back to the woman he was talking to for a second before making you a shot first and then pouring your beer. He set both in front of you at the same time.

“Thank you,” you said, both to Joel and to Jimmy, and you did the shot, wincing as the tequila went down.

Joel whistled

“Shit, you lookin’ to get fucked up?”

“Well,” you coughed a little on the liquor before taking a sip of beer. “I already need to take an Uber home because the friend I came with is currently being devoured by that charming gentleman over there…” You nodded to a man at a table against the wall, a brunette draped across his lap who looked to be surgically connected to the man at the mouth. “So I figured, fuck it, may as well get hammered.”

Joel laughed a little at that.

“Since you’ve got no one else to get hammered with,” he shrugged. “Want to do it with me? Catch up a bit?”

You thought for a second, taking a sip of beer.

“Sure,” you said. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Joel got a beer, too, and followed you back to your table before he settled in beside you. Part of it felt so natural, being next to you, but it was so different, too. You were different, fuck knows he was different.

“So,” he said, watching you. “You’re in town.”

“I am,” you nodded.

“Visiting Anna?” He asked, even though he knew the answer. It had made news, the fact that you were coming to teach at UT.

“Work,” you said. “Moved back a few months ago.”

“So what do you do now?” He asked. “For work, I mean.”

“Teach, mostly,” you said. “I’m at UT now. Literature and creative writing.”

“Seems right up your alley,” he nodded. “Always liked that sorta thing. You ever write that book?”

You nodded, taking another sip of beer.

“Yeah,” you said. “Just one, though.”

“Ever publish it?”

“Yeah,” you nodded again. “A few years ago…” Joel laughed and you frowned. “What?”

“You really think I don’t know you wrote a fuckin’ book?” He asked. “Course I know you wrote a fuckin’ book. Jesus, Goldie, your name is on fuckin’ posters and shit! You think I live under a rock?”

You laughed.

“You dick!” You shoved him playfully. “Look, you’re basically illiterate, I didn’t want to assume…”

“Hey just because I do shit besides read does not mean I’m illiterate!” He laughed. “You’re just a nerd…”

“You only finished high school because I’m a nerd,” you rolled your eyes. “Pretty sure your coach was ready to make me an honorary member of the team since me hounding you about homework was the only thing that kept your ass grade eligible.”

“Oh, you were the MVP,” he smiled, watching you take another sip of your beer and you smiled that amused little smile, the one you had when you were humoring him, the same one you’d had since you were 15 years old. “No question about it.”

“Since you know all about me apparently,” you teased. “What’s been going on with you?”

Joel shrugged, taking a drink. Mostly to buy himself time.

Did he want to admit to you that he’d all but taken his life and driven it into the ground since he last saw you?

Not that he ever felt like he had much potential, anyway. You and his mom had been the only people who’d ever really seen anything in him. But then you left and she died and was he even failing anybody anymore? Certainly not himself. And everything he did now he did to make sure he didn’t fail his daughter who, for the last 10 plus years, had been the only thing in his life that made it seem like all the shit was worth something.

But he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell you about her, either. It seemed cheap, to bring her up in a bar to you of all people, one of the only reasons she existed in the first place.

“Kept busy,” he said instead with a shrug. “Workin’ construction. Roped Tommy into it about a year ago, too. His dumb ass kept getting into it with people, told him I wasn’t going to keep bailing him out of jail if he didn’t at least look like he was trying to get his shit together.”

You nodded and took another sip of beer.

“Do you like it?”

He shrugged again.

“Pays the bills.”

“Not what I asked, Joel.”

He looked at you. You were watching him in that keen way you had, your head cocked slightly to the side, your eyes looking at him like you could cut through everything, everything he ever had or was or would be, down into the lanky boy he’d been when he’d first met you.

“Not sure why it matters,” he said after a minute. “But it’s fine, I guess. Crew’s good. Work’s steady.”

“It matters because you deserve something that fulfills you,” you frowned slightly. “Don’t you think so?”

He laughed once, looking at you for a moment.

“Haven’t thought about shit that way in a while,” he said.

Since you left, he added silently. He didn’t say it. Wouldn’t say it, even though part of him wanted to. Wanted to demand an answer, wanted to yell at you, wanted to cry at you and make you answer for the destruction that you left behind you. Destruction that Joel wasn’t entirely sure he’d ever really recovered from, just found a way to live in the rubble of it all.

But you were here now, talking with him again.

“When was the last time we did this?” He asked.

“Did what?”

“Talked.”

You smiled a little.

“You mean besides the time you decided to yell at me about my romantic choices at my mother’s funeral?” You asked, brows raised. “Been a while.”

“Since prom?” He asked quietly.

He watched you clench your jaw before nodding and taking a drink.

“Since prom.”

Joel picked at the label on his beer bottle for a moment as you sat with your hands between your knees and looked anywhere but at him. Eventually, you picked up your drink glass again with your left hand and Joel traced your bare ring finger with his eyes.

“Thinkin’ I might have been right about the romantic choices,” he teased lightly and you frowned before he nodded at your hand.

“Ah, right,” you said, extending your hand in front of you and running your thumb over the inside of that finger like you would if there was a wedding band there. “Yeah, it turns out going on a book tour when your marriage is on the rocks isn’t the best way to handle things…”

“Shit,” he shook his head a little. “I’m sorry, Goldie, that…”

You scoffed.

“No you’re not,” you put your hand back in your lap. “You hated him. You said all of three words to Gale and you hated him…”

“OK first of all, his name was fucking Gale,” Joel cut you off. “And second of all, he was a fucking douchebag.”

You snorted into your beer, coughing and choking on it for a moment and Joel clapped you on the back as you held on to the table, trying to laugh and breathe at the same time.

“You alright there?” He asked, leaving his palm in the middle of your back.

“Fine,” you coughed, pounding your chest with your fist. “I’m fine, I just… It’s so funny, but Gale isn’t even his birth name.”

Joel gaped at you.

“You’re shitting me,” he said. “That asshole chose the name Gale?”

You nodded, still coughing and laughing.

“He did,” you said. “He did, he thought it made it sound him more authorial and academic, he changed it before he started teaching. His birth name is fucking Bradley - his mom still calls him Brad - and I only found out when filling out the marriage license.”

“What a fuckin’ dick,” Joel laughed, his hand still on you. He was touching you. He hadn’t touched you in so long and he was touching you. “Jesus Christ… Sorry if you’re still hung up on the guy but shit, you can do way better than that.”

“It’s fine,” you laughed, calming down a bit and nodding to yourself. Joel watched you, uncertain. “Really, it is. I’m not going to pretend like I entirely agree with you but… things look different once you’re outside of the marriage and not in it anymore… Anyway. You married? Kids?”

“Not married,” Joel said, still not sure how he wanted to tell you about Sarah. If he even should, if the two of you were going to just go your separate ways after tonight and never speak again it felt wrong to share her. “Not even dating, really. At least, nothing steady…”

You laughed.

“Christ, why am I not surprised?” You teased. “You always had a way with the ladies. Haven’t outgrown that yet I take it?”

Joel smiled a little.

“Why outgrow what’s fun?”

You smiled a little back.

“Fair enough,” you said. “Don’t you want that, though? Something stable?”

“Is anything stable?” He asked. “Shit, half the people we went to school with now are fuckin’ divorced, what difference does it make?”

“Yeah, I guess I am one to talk,” you said, polishing off your beer.

Joel winced.

“Fuck, not what I meant…”

“It’s fine,” you shrugged. “I just… it didn’t work out and that’s that, right?”

“Right,” he said, watching you closely for a moment. “Hey, since you’re lookin’ to get hammered and I don’t got shit else to do tonight… shots?”

You laughed a little.

“I don’t know that I want to get that hammered,” you said. “I’m not a teenager anymore…”

“C’mon, Goldie,” he teased. “It’s on me. Plus it was my birthday the other day, gotta do at least one with me for that.”

“Oh shit,” you said. “It was, wasn’t it? You turned 33 on… Monday? Monday, right?”

“Right,” he laughed. “So, you in?”

You laughed a little back.

“Alright,” you said. “You’ve sold me. But I’ve got the first ones, it was your birthday, after all.”

The two of you moved to open bar stools on the end of the bar and ordered the first two shots - tequila - and clinked your glasses together before downing them, slamming them down on the bar top when you were done.

“See?” Joel teased. “You still got it in you.”

“If you say so,” you coughed a little and then laughed.

“Another?” He asked.

You looked at him for a moment.

“Fuck it,” you said and Joel flagged down Jimmy and ordered another round.

By the time it was last call, your friend had come over to say goodbye, her lipstick smudged around her lips and the mouth of the man she’d been draped across, and the bar had gotten quiet, just a handful of stragglers left even on a Friday night.

It took a few shots but you’d given up on keeping any distance from Joel at all, your bar stool sitting against his, your body pressed against his side, your head on his shoulder.

“Hey Jimmy!” Joel slapped the bar top a few times. The man came over and leaned on the bar, looking at you tucked against Joel. “Think you can get me a cab?”

“Sure as hell not lettin’ either of you two idiots drive,” he replied, going to get the phone.

“Hey,” Joel nudged you. “Where… where do you live? Need an address, gonna get you home.”

You thought for a second and then devolved into half drunk laughter.

“I don’t know,” your words were slurred. “Oh fuck, I’ve only lived there like… a few… a few… fuck. When did I move?”

“Before the school year?” He asked.

“Right,” you nodded. “Prob’ly right, that’s… that’s when. S’not long. I don’t know where it is, oh shit…”

“S’OK,” he said, putting an arm around you. “Just… just come home with me, s’fine.”

“Yeah?” You asked, raising your head slightly. “You… you don’t mind?”

“Don’t mind, Goldie,” he said gently. “Never mind, not with… not with you.”

You nodded and dropped your head back to his shoulder.

Joel had to half carry you to the cab and you dozed off against him on the drive, pressing your warm, soft body against his, passed out enough that you were drooling on the shoulder of Joel’s t-shirt, soaking through to his skin. He didn’t mind.

“She gonna be alright?” The cab driver asked as Joel paid him and nudged you awake.

“M’fine,” you waved him off.

“You know this guy?” The man asked, watching you in the rear view mirror.

“Him?” You asked, brows raised. “‘Course I know him, this… he’s Joel, he’s my best friend, s’fine.”

The driver nodded once.

“Good,” he said. “Take care of her, alright buddy?”

“Sure,” Joel said, setting you down in the back of the cab. “Always have.”

He got out and went around to the other door, almost tripping on the curb, before tugging you out of the backseat and against his side. You laughed and then shushed yourself.

“Sorry,” you tried to whisper but failed. “S’late, I should be quieter….”

“S’fine,” he slurred. “The neighbors think I’m trash anyway, not gonna ruin my reputation…”

You snorted at that.

“Assholes.”

He helped you up to the front door and fumbled with the lock, the two of you stumbling in. Julie, Sarah’s babysitter, shot up off the couch, a groggy look on her face.

“Wha?” She blinked for a second.

You yelped and Joel shushed you.

“Sorry,” you failed at whispering again. “But Joel… there’s a teenager in… you’ve got a teenager on your couch.”

“Yeah, she does that,” he tried to whisper back. “S’fine. How’d it go, Julie? Everything OK?”

“All good, Mr. Miller,” she stretched and got up, meeting Joel in the entry way. “She went down at 9:30 after trying to talk me into watching Coyote Ugly…”

“Oh lord,” Joel sighed. “Last thing she needs is to get it in her head that she should be singin’ and dancin’ on a bar…”

“Don’t worry, I said no,” she smiled. “But I think one of her friends at school is obsessed with it, not sure how else she’d know about it… Anyway. How about you pay me next week?”

“Oh shit,” he said, going for his wallet. She laughed.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it,” she said. “Not sure you’d remember paying me right now and I’m even less sure you can count.”

“Thanks,” he said, grateful. “You drive safe, alright kiddo?”

“Will do,” she laughed a little. “Night, Mr. Miller. And Mr. Miller’s… friend.”

“Night!” You said, a little loud before clamping your hand over your mouth and laughing. Once the door was closed, you turned your attention back to him. “Ooooo you’re Mr. Miller now.”

“Yeah, I’m gettin’ old,” he said, guiding you inside. “Here, I’m gonna put you to bed and then I’ll take the couch…”

“You absolutely will not,” you snorted. “I’m… I can sleep on the couch, not… not letting you take the couch in your own house. ‘Specially not when you’re old enough to be Mr. Miller.”

“Goldie…”

“I will move and sleep on the floor.”

He sighed and started moving you toward the couch.

“You ever gonna be less stubborn?”

“Nope,” you popped your lips on the p as he set you down. He got the blanket Julie had been asleep under and draped it over you as you snuggled into the couch. “Hey Joel?”

“Hm?”

“Who was that girl?” You asked, eyes already closed. “Why… why did you have a teenager in your house? This is your house, right?”

“S’my house,” he said, tucking you in. “And don’t worry ‘bout it. Just go to sleep.”

You yawned.

“Thanks, Joel,” your voice was groggy. “For taking care of me. Missed you.”

He stopped and looked back at you for a moment.

“Missed you, too.”

He went to bed, trying not to think of the last time you’d fallen asleep on him.

***

The Morning After Prom

May, 2008

The pink and orange of dawn woke you up. You were on Joel’s chest, his shirt unbuttoned so you could feel his skin on yours and your dress was still bunched around your waist from when Joel had slid the straps down your arms the night before.

You enjoyed it for a moment. The feel of Joel’s skin, how his chest rose and fell with his breaths, how the early morning light caught in the curls that had broken free of the gel you were sure his mom had put in it the night before. He smelled good, like cologne - the kind that a man would wear, not the Axe shit that drenched the hallways of your school - and soap and a hint of sweat that just felt like the essence of him. You wanted to stay like this with him forever. Be this close, know him in this way. It felt right, it felt beyond just good.

And then you remembered, you weren’t supposed to be here.

“Joel,” you whispered, sitting up from him and shaking him gently but urgently. “Joel, wake up!”

“Hm?” He mumbled, groggy, his eyes opening slowly.

“We fell asleep,” you said, still whispering even though there was no one here to hear you. “We’re not supposed to be up here, we have to go!”

“Shit,” he blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked you over and you were suddenly fiercely aware of how naked you were, how the light of day was creeping in and casting over your exposed skin. Joel reached out and cupped your cheek. “Sorry, didn’t mean to pass out…”

“It’s OK,” you said quickly, clutching your dress over your naked breasts as you slid the straps back on. “But we should get home, we didn’t tell our moms that we were going to be out all night, I’m sure they’re pissed…”

“It’s prom,” he said. “Think they expected it to be a late one. But… you’re right, we should get going.”

Joel got up and offered you his hand, pulling you to your feet. It wasn’t until you moved your lower half that you realized how sore you were between your thighs, your skirt falling back down to your feet. Joel held your hand for a moment once you were standing and his skin felt hot against yours. You dropped his hand and cleared your throat awkwardly.

“You should button your shirt,” you said quietly, nodding to his bare chest. “And… um… Zip up your pants.”

“Oh,” he looked down. “Um… Right. Right.”

He moved quickly as you looked over as much of your dress as you could see and Joel used the glass of the press box as a mirror to adjust his hair.

“Do I look OK?” You asked when he was done, turning so he could see the whole dress. “Not like… not like we….”

“There’s… um…” he cupped the back of his neck awkwardly. “I think we made a mess of the back of your dress, I didn’t think… should have moved it, I guess…”

“Shit,” you twisted, trying to spot it. “Do you think…”

“Just don’t turn your back to your mom,” he said quickly. “Should… should be OK.”

“Right,” you said. “Yeah, that’s… right. OK.”

Joel led the way to his car and the two of you sat in silence on the ride home. You kept glancing at him out of the corner of your eye, his elbow propped on the door of the car, hand on his mouth, his face drawn.

What were you supposed to do now? You’d never done… this. You’d never been in this position and now you were here with Joel, the person who was your best friend, the person you knew better than anyone else in the world, the person that everything had felt so right with it had been impossible to stop.

But what did you do now?

He stopped in your drive way and sat there, staring straight ahead.

“Thank you,” you said. He looked at you, his eyes a little wide. “For taking me to prom, I mean. It was… I had… It was good. I liked it. It was good.”

“Yeah,” he nodded after a moment. “Yeah, I’m glad I… got to go with you. To prom.”

“Right.”

You looked at him. You wanted to kiss him. Wanted him to hold onto you and tell you that everything was going to be OK and that you were going to figure this out and it would be you and him together just like it always had been.

Instead, he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

“I’ve got church this morning,” he said. “And then we’re goin’ to help my grandma in the afternoon so I don’t think I can see you until tomorrow…”

“I’ve got that doctor’s appointment in the morning,” you said. “So… I guess I’ll just… I’ll see you at school?”

“Right,” he said. “Yeah, right. I’ll… I’ll see you at school.”

You smiled tightly at him and leaned in slowly to kiss him on the cheek, hoping that he would turn his head and press his lips to yours the way he had the night before.

He didn’t.

“Thanks, Joel.”

“Yeah.”

You went inside and got undressed in your bathroom, looking at the stain on your dress, hoping you’d be able to get the stain of your blood and his come out before your mother noticed and it ruined anything else.

Next Chapter

A/N: Eeeeeeee! I'm so excited now that this story is properly going!

I hope you enjoy exploring Joel and Goldie with me. I really love their friendship and the way they care for each other and I think there's so much to explore with the both of them.

I do have an updates blog. Follow it here and subscribe for alerts when I post.

Thank you for being here! It really does mean so much to me to share this story with you. Love you!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #halcyon

172 notes · View notes